#I'm fine I'm find it's cool I'm fine

[inkskinned]

before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.

you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"

and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.

it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.

you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.

in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.

the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.

you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.

after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.

the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.

you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.

[pbnmj]

assorted sketches (personally very obsessed w petermj rn and the fact that the 2020 run of noir colored his hair/eyes as black/grey. peter parker the man that you are....)

[claitea]

whoa guys did you see the new cards i really want alto's full art!!

made with this site! art without the text under the cut :D

[icewindandboringhorror]

I got these shoes from someone recently but thought they were way too plain looking, so I set out on a quest to customize them with some sharpies and charms and miscellaneous ribbon I had in my craft drawers. Mostly sky themed (clouds, rainbows, rain, stars, etc.) because that's my favorite aesthetic, but I had to include some cat imagery as well, of course lol.

[thedapperfrog]

Vengeful Moryana, 10.24.23

first digital painting that i finished in under six hours!!! yippee!!!!

[popsicle-stick]

that gender post from last night has me thinking i wish other cis people knew how entirely bog standard and common it is to have zero innate sense or connection to gender - i'd go as far as to say that it's how the majority of cis people feel! it's a sense of being given one of two labels and simply having no innate notion to the contrary, but also, having no real innate sense that you ARE that. you're just that thang by default bc everyone calls you that and it's convenient and it's comfortable and the concept of gender is simply not interesting enough to spend time on

[anaalnathrakhs]

love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what

[clowningaroundmars]

e-42 prowlerbyte angst (kinda) cuz i thought it'd be funny but in like a sad way

margo actually hating the prowler and thinking anyone with masks and weapons are terrible ppl just bc of how bad things are on earth-42

every time miles and his uncle show up on tv news channels she talks shit abt them not knowing she's talkin about her bf and his uncle

miles is oddly defensive every time, just sayin stuff like "margo you literally have never seen these two hurt civilians or anyone else but cops for that matter"

margo argues back "they obviously steal stuff and use bombs that could hurt someone tho. and nobody who's up to any good is swingin around wearing stuff like THAT"

miles rolls his eyes and pouts a lil bit about it but is genuinely distressed that his own gf can't see the good that the prowler does on a near daily basis so that pushes him to actually help more civvies whenever possible.

it kinda annoys aaron but he understands. eventually aaron lets him go off and do his own thing occasionally, stopping bank robbers from shooting unarmed bystanders and whatnot

the word spreads relatively quickly and soon prowler gains a "vigilante" label on the streets. a couple of his saves end up on the news, too

cue miles smirking at margo one day as they're sat in miles' living room with the tv on.

"...so. looks like prowler's moving different lately, just like i said he would. not lookin too bad there, is he?"

margo scoffs and shakes her head. "i mean... it's cool that he's saving ppl now i guess. doesnt mean hes a good guy exactly but we'll take what we can get!"

this definitely doesnt help miles' paranoia at all tho. he's even more adamant with his uncle that margo cannot know abt their prowler business now more than ever.

[my-pjo-stuff]

Third entry on my "Acctualy the PJO fandom isn't as great as y'all like to think it is" roll, and I already know I'm going to get hate for this. Anyway, I'm taking a Lukercy shipper over a Percabeth shipper any day.

When I say that,as a new fan, most the shipping drama comes from Percabeth shippers and just their general corner from what I observed, I am NOT lying.

Some of y'all are rabit- especially with your hatred of any girl getting it on with Percy that isn't Annabeth (*cough* Calypso and Rachel *cough*) And good god the reactions I saw from some of y'all to people who said they disliked Percabth. Lukercy shippers on the other hand? Nah coolest people ever. Literally just chilling in a corner doing their own thing. Most respectful group of shippers I have seen in any fandom. I have multiple mutuals who ship Lukercy, each one is the coolest most chillest person ever. Personally, I see Lukercy in a more platonic sense, when to topic of that ship ever came up the convo literally was just : "yeah I ship Lukercy" "Oh, okay. Personally not my cup of tea 'cause I see them more platonic" "lmao cool, anyway-" Meanwhile how it went when I talked about not liking Percabeth :

"I don't really like Percabeth tbh. I don't think their characters fit together and I'm just not that invested with Percy and Annabeth as a whole" "OMG How could you say that ! -Enter an essay about how great Percabeth is and how this is wrong, and how my opinion is a bad faith statement and toxic-"

I mean those interactions alone speak for themselves. And with all that being said huge hearts to all the Lukercy Shippers out there. You people are some of the only bits keeping me in this fandom despite all the Luke hate and toxicity. And listen before anyone wants to come at me- idgaf how "toxic" or "problematic" that ship is. Fandom purity panic let me go numb to any of those bullshit moral concerns. Ship and let ship, don't like don't read. The people are cool and that's all I care about. If u wanna argue w/ me have fun being blocked. I love Lukercy shippers, wish the rest of the fandom could be as cool as you guys. *edit* Okay I just found out that someone else I talked with also ships Lukery, and I see myself proven in my point. Shipping Lukercy is an immediate green flag. The data ain't lying.

[svtskneecaps]

oh badboyhalo loreheads who pay closer attention than me, so i know bad has some time loop lore happening where i guess dsmp was one big time loop scenario?? or like there were time loops happening or alternate universes or something and dsmp was involved? was it ever made clear how much he remembered it, or how the mechanics worked, or what have you? i was definitely there when he talked about some of this but not only did i forget what he said i also forgot what vod it was lmao

[pacificwaternymph]

God is anyone else so fucking tired of seeing people shit on their younger selves and the fandoms they were in, thereby shitting on everyone who is still in those fandoms who find genuine enjoyment in it by proxy?

Like please... please just shut up.

[tj-crochets]

No crafting update today because I spent all my spoons checking out a local(ish) wildlife reservation/hiking place, which was awesome! I could not explore the whole place, and it is very much "only wheelchair friendly if the person pushing my wheelchair is capable of holding my entire weight against a steep slope and immediately pushing the chair up another only partially paved steep slope", but I walked the whole time*! I got to hear wolves howling through the forest and it is a whole hell of a lot eerier to hear on a foggy day in a winter forest than it was the only other time I've heard it, which was a very bright sunny day in an amphitheater at a zoo where one wolf howled alone on stage. There were crows cawing and wolves howling and it was absolutely magnificent and suddenly a whole lot of things from various fantasy novels I read as a kid hit very different. Like, I get why hearing the wolves howl in the night would be alarming now! *we did bring my rollator/transport chair in the car, and the backup plan was that my dad or my brother would go get it and push me back to the car if I needed help

[bookwyrminspiration]

quil, any thoughts on the debate over manipulative fitz and his narcissistic tendencies in his relationship with sophie? (in the notes of the post from @/sophitz from 5 days ago)

Hi, Nonsie. I'll share a few thoughts, but I have absolutely zero desire to get wrapped into active discourse/arguments about this. This is non-exhaustive since I can't address every possible point/consideration in one post, but it covers more the heart of it I think.

I may or may not answer any follow-ups/reblogs about this, unsure yet. I really hope my answering this does not put it on a pedestal from which it catches fire, so everyone be cool please

I think it's ridiculous, unfounded, and frustrating. The original term used and debated was "narcissistic pervert." From what I can tell, that term originated with Paul-Claude Racamier in the 1980s-90s, and the only academic source I could find/access on the topic was his "On narcissistic perversion", which was a synthesis published in 2017 of a 1985 and 1991 paper + lecture. I can't link this because I could only access it through my uni, and I can't find basically any trustworthy sources (or any more recent sources) talking about it outside of him--at least in English. There may be other papers/professionals in untranslated French

From that, I'm highly skeptical of any use of the term colloquially, especially since it involves narcissism, which has an extremely misunderstood, negatively biased rep currently. Practically the only things you find when looking into perverted narcissism are informal blogs perpetuating stigma (e.g.: "If you’ve been in contact with a narcissistic pervert, remember that if he’s chosen you, it’s because you represent to him what he’ll never be able to be: a whole person!" <- real quote)

When reading Racamier's paper, I kept Fitz in mind--and specifically Fitz with Sophie, as that was a distinction made in the argument. That Fitz has perverted narcissist tendencies when it comes to Sophie specifically. I don't find that, based on my reading, to be true.

A few features of narcissistic perversion Racamier notes are (verbatim): it is vital to them not to owe anything to anyone, the inability to apologize and the rejection of remorse, the inability to express thanks, subjects impose a heavy burden on anyone who comes close to and concerns himself or herself with them, expresses his (narcissistic) perversion by his enjoyment of asserting himself at the expense of others, etc.

I don't find any of these traits to be true to Fitz, with Sophie or otherwise. Not wanting to be in others' debt is normal, and I can't think of an instance he reacted to the idea disproportionately (I suppose directly after Alden broke could count, but one instance does not a narcissist make), he's demonstrated a clear ability to apologize/be remorseful sincerely (including with Sophie specifically), to express genuine gratitude, doesn't consciously or intentionally impose on those close to him (it isn't his fault if others don't communicate any burden they experience so he can alter his actions, e.g. the stress of matching), and doesn't enjoy tearing others down around him to lift himself up (unless in a joke environment).

The paper goes on to talk about predation on a specific object (in this case Sophie). This object is "bearable only if it is dominated, ill‐treated, and sadistically attacked – and above all mastered." I find none of these words to be accurate to Fitz and Sophie's relationship--he does not dominate or master her, nor does he want to. He does struggle with being so rapidly unseated as the best, and wants to be someone others look to and trust, someone capable. But an instance of understandable jealousy that he doesn't want to feel/give in to (evidenced during the Inquisition as he fought the feeling) does not make him a narcissist. He simultaneously enthusiastically supports and compliments Sophie's prowess.

I know I referenced this one specific paper near entirely, but it appears to be the only thing to reference. And I am not a professional in any regard. This is my understanding of the term based on Racamier's explanation, which I've referenced against Fitz. The behaviors and mindset associated with narcissistic perversion (summarized as "the predominant need to assert, and the pleasure of asserting, oneself at someone else's expense") do not widely align with Fitz's (as a whole or just with Sophie)--and the instances in which they do aren't demonstrative of a pattern on which a claim like this can hold ground. I wish I could find the exact quote from another source I was looking at, but it's essentially: there are traits/tendencies of disorders in everyone, what makes them disordered is when they're abnormally extreme.

This is longer than I intended it to be so I'll try to wrap this up. This is in direct response to the idea of Fitz as a narcissistic pervert, which is what the discourse in the post you referenced discussed/started from. This doesn't talk about NPD or every point referenced by the individuals discoursing, as this isn't intending to respond to them. I am not an expert.

Based on my understanding and limited research, I think it inaccurate and callous. I think it misrepresents Fitz's actions and motivations, and while I am biased, I think this holds outside of my bias.

[canisonicscrewyou]

it's my own fucking fault but one day I hope I can teach my roommate the difference between "you can have some of this thing I made/bought myself" and "eat half of this thing in 3 days"

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

[the-lark-ascending69]

Lumity is very cute but it seems like the kind of ship that would have a fandom so toxic it'd make you dislike the ship in time and I think that's sad.