#I'm just gonna try to balance my responsibilities and time for myself this time

[ranminfan]

I think I experienced anxiety recently...

You know that feeling when you're getting worried?

I was about to go to bed last night, then I felt anxious and uneasy, even though there was nothing wrong. My heart started beating fast and I couldn't sit still.

I literally felt my chest beating and it was so uncomfortable, almost painful but not really.

[whumpshaped]

What if Helle found Beck after a night of drinking and didn’t know how to act when Beck is overly comfortable with seeing them? Sorry if ooc for Beck

i didnt know whether itd be ooc so i just started writing and let it take me wherever it wanted to lol i hope u enjoy!!!

masterlist

tw vampire whumper, intimate whumper, alcohol and drinking and being drunk, dubcon kissy on cheek

He deserved this. He had been living in terror for the past month, and all he wanted was a bit of fun. Spending time with his friends. Normalcy.

Beck downed his third shot way too quickly, eager to forget about the fact that he was a vampire chewtoy now, and it was likely only a matter of time before Helle decided to escalate. This could've been his last free night! So why not make it a stupidly drunk one?

"I've never seen you drink like that," Sofie said with equal parts awe and worry in her voice. "Is this still about that bite scare?"

"I just wanna have fun," he whined. "Can't I? I'm fine."

"I'd never dream of prohibiting that." She still looked nervous, making Beck groan.

"I haven't been out at night for weeks. I just wanna... relax. I just wanna feel normal for a second." He briefly thought about switching his and Noah's shot glasses while he was in the bathroom and drinking his share too, but he wasn't drunk enough yet to trade mouth germs. "Is that such a crime? I won't, like, drink myself into oblivion."

"You're right," she conceded. "I'm not your mother or anything. I'm sure you can look after yourself."

"Thank you. I'll be responsible."

He ended up being less than responsible, buying and consuming at least three more shots. There was no stopping the constant whirling and swirling of the bar anymore, and he barely had the strength to keep his eyes open — but the spinning got so much worse whenever he closed them.

He somehow managed to pay for everything before sliding off the bar stool and heading towards the exit, never considering that it was well past midnight and the crowd outside was thinning. Thoughts of vampires were drowned out by a sudden desire for some pizza, and he decided to try to get to a restaurant he'd been to exactly one time before and gotten lost on the way. He had even been sober, then.

"Oh, goddammit... It should be right here," he muttered, staring at the closed clothing store. "Would it even be open at this hour..?"

"Beck?"

The vampire's voice cut through the drunken haze like a dagger, and he spun around to face them with such momentum that he almost lost his balance entirely. "Helle!" His back hit the locked glass doors of the shop behind him, and he was grateful for the added support. "I'm– I'm looking for the pizza place. You wouldn't happen to know where that is, huh?"

Helle tilted their head at him in curiosity, and he really wished he could've waved a magic wand and sobered up instantly. They had already fed for the night. They were supposed to leave him alone for the rest of it. "Do you drink often?" they asked, completely disregarding his question.

He couldn't help it when he just... laughed. It was an involuntary reaction, a result of his anxiety and the absurdity of the situation. "I don't think that's any of your business!" He flinched back immediately after saying it, cursing himself internally. "Well, I mean, it's not like– y'know, I'm just saying..."

"It is definitely my business. Do you even know how bitter alcohol makes the blood?" They stalked closer, and Beck quickly tried to slip away and continue walking down the street.

"Nope! And you absolutely don't have to put yourself through that!" He almost cursed out loud this time when Helle caught up to him, casual as ever. "Really, I'm just gonna– you know what? I really don't want pizza anymore. I'm gonna– I'm gonna head home. It was great seeing you–"

He did a swift 180, swift enough to stumble and trip over his own feet again, for real this time. Helle was quicker, catching him by the arm before he even realised he was falling. "Humans baffle me sometimes," they murmured. "Your solution to being pursued by a dangerous predator is to make yourself even more vulnerable?"

"No, no, I drank all that alcohol so you'd hate the taste of my blood. I totally knew about the bitterness. This is like– this is advanced, I wouldn't expect you to understand." He pulled on his arm weakly, not even surprised when it did nothing to make Helle release him. "Sorry, I'm just saying anything at this point," he added with a nervous little laugh. "I always do that. I shouldn't be allowed to drink. Hey, how about– what if you let go of me, and then, then I went home, and we just forgot about this?"

"I wish I could." They pulled him even closer, their amused smile greatly undermining their semi-serious tone. "But you are just adorable when you cannot shut up. Not to mention how warm you are right now... flushed... I think you should drink more, actually."

Beck could feel his face getting even warmer at the closeness. A misguided, touch-starved part of him recognised Helle's words as almost flattery, and desperately wanted to just lean into it. The other, rational, sober part of him wanted to run — but it was difficult with his limbs not complying. "You d-don't actually think that," he stammered, still making futile attempts at pushing the vampire away. "I get so annoying."

They must've realised how much he wanted them to deny that, because their smile widened, red eyes gleaming with mischief. "I do think that," they purred. "I always think you are cutest when you tell the truth. When you let that blatant need for praise shine right through."

"I don't– I don't... huh?" He was properly flustered now, so much so that he forgot he was supposed to be struggling. "Stop mocking me," he said without any conviction, so quiet that it could've easily gotten lost in the noise of the street. He knew they heard it, though. A perk of talking to vampires.

God, what was he thinking?

"I would never dream of mocking you. Not when you look so pretty and desperate." His breath hitched when they leaned in, pulling him closer by his shirt to press a kiss to his cheek. "Unless you asked me to, of course. But I thought you were trying to get away," they whispered. "Why are you clinging now?"

Beck had no idea when his fingers had gotten tangled up in the fabric of Helle's sweater, and he pushed them away instantly, thoroughly embarrassed and confused. "I'm g-going home," he exclaimed, waiting for Helle to stop him, or say something that would've made him change his mind, or... something. But they didn't. They just stood there, smiling, letting Beck look like a complete idiot.

"Do you secretly live here?" they teased. "Or would you like to spend some more time with me?"

"Absolutely not. I'm– I'm going. Bye." He turned to leave, getting out of there as fast as he could. He rubbed his cheek absentmindedly with the sleeve of his hoodie the entire way to the bus station, trying to get rid of the feeling of soft lips against his skin.

He really, truly shouldn't have been allowed to drink.

~

taglist: @whumpsday @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @delicateprincepaper @whumppmuhw @florissimps @nicolepascaline @oliversrarebooks @the-cyrulik @pirefyrelight @there-will-always-be-blood @pigeonwhumps @echo-goes-mmm @whumpycries @morning-star-whump @d-cs

[ajokeformur-ray]

Tw vent

My job doesn't give two shits about me as long as I turn up for my shifts, my professor knows about how demanding my job is but won't cut me any slack and my work knows how uni is and still keeps pushing for more... It's at the point that I have to schedule my showers just to make sure I have the time for it. I skip meals most of the time for the sake of saving 20-30 minutes, I'm sleeping well (7-8 hours a night) but already falling into my bad previous habits of cutting down my hours then just to get more studying done since my job takes so much of my time and energy that I have to get up at 2-3am to study before work, because once I'm home I'm too tired to do anything beyond showering and dinner before crawling into bed to rot, my room is a mess because I don't have the time to clean it, and I can't fucking remember comfort characters' voices because it's been months since I heard them and I'm just. Tired. Of always giving my best and all my energy and effort to my job but then when I get home, I'm too tired to even read fucking fanfics. I'm sick of this but it's not gonna change because I'm not able to change my job right now - quite frankly, I have enough to worry about and at least, as shitty as my job is, I know what I'm doing there.

And I'm trying to figure out how to accommodate work experience around everything else going on because it's looking like I'll have to balance my job with my degree and work experience. I've been so busy I've been grocery shopping online during my work breaks or I won't have time for it💀💀💀

I am just tired. But this is the life I signed up for, so I'm just trying to get myself through this bout of burnout while also not dropping any responsibilities, friendships or creative hobbies; because if I lose myself, then I am gonna be well and truly fucked.

I wish Arthur was here, so he and I could have a conversation. I miss him terribly. He's always guided me through the worst of it and I need him now, too. I can feel myself giving up on the future I've been working so hard for, and that fucking terrifies me.

I'd like a hug please and thank you. I was gonna write some comfort tonight but I'm too sad and heavy to, so I'm gonna sleep. Gotta be up at 3 to study before work... It's easier to do it before work, though I'm sick of dragging myself out of bed in the middle of every night, but in the circumstances it works well for me.

I'm not gonna quit anything, to be clear, but during nights like this, it's all I think about. I'll feel better in the morning.❤️

[doingitforbokuto]

The White Knight - Chapter Four

-> KNIGHT!KITA SHINSUKE X PRINCESS!READER

-> Previous Chapter

-> Series Masterlist

Summary: A relationship between a knight and a princess is impossible, so it is best to just keep the emotions hidden.. but what happens if you can't?

Words: 3,262

Warnings: none

Kita's Point Of View

His breathing was hard as he walked to the edge of the training area. Putting his practice sword down, he tried to catch his breath.

“That was really good, Sir Kita,” the knight he had been training with said. He was his second training partner that day, the first one had already exhausted himself more than an hour ago. He should be tired too, but Kita could not feel the exhaustion in his bones. All he could feel was his heart beating against his ribcage, where he could still feel your hands pushing his armor against him, making his heart beat even faster. Even after hours and hours of training, the only thing on his mind was you - the one thing he was trying to stop thinking about.

“I think that's enough for today,” the other knight said as he gathered his things.

“Really?” Kita looked up at him. He had hoped for another round or two of sparring.

The other knight laughed. “Everyone else has already left for dinner and I'm not gonna miss it.” He shouldered his bag as he left. “You should pack up, too!”

Sighing, Kita looked up at the sky. It was getting dark and if he didn't hurry up, there would probably not be any food left in the knights’ dining hall. Of course, he could go into town and buy some food by himself, but he really did not feel like having to deal with all of the lowlifes that came out at night, streaming into taverns all over town.

“So, what's going on with you, hm?”

Osric's figure appeared out of nowhere, his hand suddenly on Shinsuke's shoulder. The fact that he hadn't even noticed him coming along was a tell-tale sign that he was much more exhausted than he knew or wanted to admit to himself. He wanted to keep going. To try and distract himself, stop himself from going down the road he was currently on.

“Nothing's wrong.” He shrugged Osric's hand off and started to gather his things into his bag as well. They knew each other for long enough that Kita was certain that there was no way in hell his friend would leave him alone now. Better to pack up and leave then.

"Oh, really? Is that why I hear you've been training for four hours without a break?”

Kita huffed in response. He really was not in the mood to talk.

“Hey!” Osric's hand grabbed his arm with more force than Kita expected. “This isn't like you.” His eyes bore into Kita’s. “Remember when we first met and I was overworking myself? You almost locked me into my room to make sure I wasn't doing anything stupid. And now you're doing it yourself! What the hell is going on with you? I've never seen you like this!”

Osric was right and Kita knew it. They had met years ago, when they had both just been knighted. Osric was working tirelessly to improve his skills and become a better knight. But as he was training and training, he was overworking himself. Kita was the one who had forced him to realize that there had to be a balance between working and relaxing, that breaks were just as important in becoming a better fighter as the training was. Ever since then, the two of them had gotten closer and every time they met, Osric was happy to catch up with his old friend, telling him all kinds of stories that made Kita laugh. So Osric knew what Kita was like. And that he would never behave like this if something wasn't seriously wrong.

“It's the princess, isn't it?” Osric's grip on his upper arm softened and so did his eyes.

“What do you mean?” Kita crossed his arms, forcing the other man to let go completely.

“Look, Shinsuke,” he started. There were few people who addressed him like this. Unlike Osric, Kita preferred to be referred to by his last name. The other knight wasn't so “uptight” (in his own words) and had soon after meeting Kita decided that addressing him so informally was appropriate, without even asking. Weirdly enough, Shinsuke could not find himself to care. He actually enjoyed it and found himself wanting to befriend the young knight.

Talking to Osric was refreshing. His other friends were scattered all over the country and none of them were knights, so having one who understood what he was going through was nice. Now it seemed that he understood what was happening in his life more than he would like.

Osric looked around the empty courtyard before he kept talking quietly. “Look, I know what it's like to have feelings for someone you shouldn't.. but there is nothing you can do about it. Trust me. It's not going anywhere, no matter how much you want it to, no matter how much you train and exhaust yourself. The only thing that you're going to do is hurt yourself and if you're not in good shape you won't be able to protect her the way that you're supposed to. Is that truly what you want?”

No. Actually, that was the last thing he wanted. But what other choice did he have? How else could he possibly live through his days, by your side, in agony because he could never truly be the man by your side? Soon, you would get married. Your husband was the man by your side, Kita was just your knight, someone who was supposed to stay in the background and support you silently.

“How do you do it?” Kita’s voice was just a whisper and he couldn't even bear to look Osric in the eyes. No one was supposed to know about this. But if Osric knew, did someone else? What was he supposed to do? How could he stop this dangerous behavior?

“I just.. think about her. And what is best for her. That's what loving someone is all about, isn't it? It gives me the strength to do what is right.” His friend paused for a moment. “It gets better.”

Kita raised his head to look at him. “So these feelings do go away?”

Osric shook his head. “No. But they get easier to hide. You'll get through this. I know you will. There is no one more loyal or disciplined than you.”

His words haunted Kita even as he laid his head to rest on his pillow that night. His discipline was in fact something that he had always prided himself on. Never had he been the best at swordsmanship, never been the one with the longest endurance or the fastest runner. But he had always been someone who pushed himself to never give up. Even if he failed, he kept working on his skills.

He got up every day and made his bed. He kept his body clean, polished his armor. He attended his regular training sessions and endured pain during battle without losing his head. Yes, he was a very disciplined young man. Or at least he had been up until very recently.

But how could he call himself disciplined when he couldn't stop staring at you when you weren't looking? Whenever he was around you these days, his eyes wandered on their own from your hair to your beautiful face, over the only pair of lips that could speak the words that would relieve him from his suffering. His eyes wandered down over your neck, your shoulders and arms to the hands whose touch felt almost healing when they had pushed against his chest. Hands that had ignited a deep, hidden desire inside of him.

He felt ashamed to even admit that he was having these feelings but he did, there was no way around it. Of course he had been interested in other women before he had met you but they hadn't been his princess. To him, you were larger than life, you were the person that he had pledged himself to and in turn, every action of his was supposed to benefit you. The thoughts in his head were anything but.

Now, he was laying in his bed, thinking back to your hands on his chest. In his head, he imagined them sliding over his shoulders and onto his back. Nuzzling his face into his pillow, he imagined how it would feel to be held by you, to lean his face onto your neck, your cheek, as your hands caress his back, fingers running through his hair. To be granted such a soft, tender touch by your hand must be what heaven feels like. Any touch that you were willing to grant him, he would take gratefully. You could slap him across the face and all that he would want to do would be to kiss the hand that touched him. Even if he could never be loved by you, he could be by your side. Every day, he had the opportunity to see your face, smell your scent, hear your voice. That was more than he had ever deserved and he would work hard to protect you, until the end of his days.

In the beginning, he wanted to serve you for a different reason. A heavy weight was on his shoulders and it hadn't lifted yet, a heavy guilt that he tried to erase by helping you. He still felt as guilty about his past as he did back then but now, that didn't matter anymore. He did not protect you for his own consciousness anymore, he did it because he wanted you to live on. Safe and happy. Even if he wasn't the one to make you happy he could be the one to make sure you would live to meet that person.

—

Your Point Of View

Another night was passing in which you were unable to find any sleep. For the past ten days, you had been nothing but exhausted. You barely left your room except for the occasional stroll through the gardens and the meals with your family. You barely spoke to anyone, didn't even meet up with Alysane like you used to.

After what had happened at the garden party, all you wanted to do was go to your room and rest. But when your back hit the mattress, peace was as far away from you as it ever had been. The thoughts running through your head were all over the place - from fear to bad memories of death to anger towards your father to confusion and hurt when it came to Kita's actions.

You could not comprehend what happened in the hallway that day, even after pondering it for hours and hours on end. Why did he leave you alone so suddenly? Well, he did not actually leave you alone but he did back off, stopped supporting you like you wanted, needed him to. His touch had been the one thing keeping you grounded and gave you a sense of security you had almost forgotten even existed. Why would he take that away from you? Had he not told you that it was his duty to take care of you, to protect you from whatever harm may come your way? Still, he left you! Could he not see how much this fear was crippling you? Perhaps he was afraid that you might think that he was feeling something for you that he wasn't. Or was he scared that you might reciprocate the feelings that he did have for you?

Well, that thought was ridiculous. Never would you think of him, your knight, like that. It wasn't appropriate of you to think of him romantically, so you didn't - and he should know that. He was simply a protector to you. You only thought of him as someone who was loyal. Strong. Kind. Caring.

You did not think of how his broad chest felt underneath your palms or how it moved with every breath that he took. You did not think of that one time you saw him train. How the very same chest that you touched heaved as he was catching his breath, his hair a gorgeous mess that was sticking to his sweaty forehead. You did not think about that, at all, no. Only sometimes did you think of how his golden eyes looked in the sunlight. Almost never did you think about his hands. How they had grabbed you when you were about to fall. How they supported your waist and held you upright with a strength unknown to you until then. It felt almost sinful to think of how rough his palm felt pressed against your cheek and how gentle his touch still was despite the callouses adorning his skin. How he cradled your head so carefully, like you were the most precious thing in the world. And you certainly never thought about how close his thumb had been to your mouth. How easy it would have been for you to turn your head.. just a little bit.. until his fingertip touched your lips..

You groaned into your pillow. Hopefully that would muffle it enough for no one else to hear it. What were you getting yourself into? Grabbing your pillow, you pressed it harder into your face. Just then, your hand brushed against something laying underneath your pillow: a handkerchief. The one Shinsuke - Kita - had given to you in the garden. The one that still smelled like him, even after you had cleaned it. You had wanted to give it back, you really did. But somehow, you found yourself holding it up to your nose when you could not find any rest. Late at night, when you were scared and tired, you just let yourself be surrounded by his smell as it lulled you into a few short hours of sleep.

Slowly, you pulled out the cloth and turned onto your side as you brought it up to your face. Tonight, it would not be helping to fall asleep, you could already tell. The thought of him only made your heart beat faster and your mind race. It only made you think more of his hand when it held out the handkerchief to you. And thinking of his hand made you think of his grip on your waist and your arm. It made you think of how it would feel to have his hands move across your skin, your body.. mapping out the curves of your figure.. cradling your face gently while he -

“Argh!” You crumpled up the handkerchief and threw it as far across the room as you could. This was bad. Very bad. You had to do something about this - before it got too bad.

—

The next day you felt the rare urge to leave your room. After a quick breakfast, you took the opportunity to leave with a knight other than Kita. Since it was still early in the morning, the night guard was still on duty and Kita wasn't supposed to be here for another hour, giving you enough time to enjoy a few breaths of fresh air without feeling his presence around you all the time. Especially after the road your thoughts had taken last night you did not feel like you could face him. Just the thought of his eyes looking at you made your cheeks heat up and the butterflies in your belly started stirring. It would be best to get out of here and distract yourself as quickly as possible. Hurriedly, you threw your coat on and left your room.

The crisp air felt refreshing as you stepped out into the sunlight and reveled in the peaceful atmosphere around you. Everyone else was either still asleep or getting ready for the day so you had the outside all to yourself. This really was a good idea, you thought to yourself as you let the few rays of sunshine that came through the trees warm your face. Though you were enjoying these few moments, you did not have a lot of time left. You wanted to avoid Kita, so you had to be back in your room before he came around.

When you reached your room a bit later, you told the other knight to go and find your maid for you. Later today, you wanted to take a bath and knew that it would take more than one maid to heat up the water and fill up the tub so it was best to let them know ahead of time so that they could prepare and gather everyone needed.

The knight did not want to leave you, even though you urged him that you would be safe and sound in your room. Thankfully, just a moment later he spotted your maid at the end of the hallway.

“I'll go tell her,” he finally agreed since he would just be down the hallway. No one could get into your room without him noticing.

Relieved, you reached for your pocket where you always kept the key to your room so you could unlock it. It was a motion you had made a million times already since you had made it a habit to lock your room after an incident a few years ago where a few men snuck into your room and stole your jewelry. But this time around, your pocket was empty. Did you lose the key? You patted down all of your pockets but could not feel it anywhere. Luckily, there was a backup key so it wasn't that much of an issue if you really had lost it. There was a different problem, though: This second key was safe and sound with the one person you did not wish to have to talk to today - Kita, of course. When you had decided that you could trust him, you had given him the spare key so that if he needed to, he could get into your room or if you locked yourself out, like now, the other key would be right by your side. But the embarrassment of having to not only face Kita right now but also have to tell him that you had done something so stupid.. it was too much to bear.

Today, you truly were all over the place. Losing your key, rushing out like that in the morning; you hadn't even put your hair up like you usually did.. then, a thought struck you: In your rush, did you even lock the door?

Hesitantly you reached out to the door handle, praying that it was unlocked and - Thank God! - it was. You let out a sigh of relief, throwing one last look down the hallway. The knight was still chatting with the maid, probably sharing some gossip, like you knew she loved to do, and Kita was nowhere to be seen. Thank God you made it back to your room before he came along!

You slipped into your room and threw the door close, not bothering to look at the door as you took your coat off. Instead, you were already eying the table. Was that where you had left your key? Just as you reached the table and put down your coat, you heard it - the unmistakable sound of a key turning in a lock.

With one motion, you turned around and stared at the familiar face of the man in front of your door as he slid the key into his pocket with one hand and pressed his pointer finger of his other hand to his lips, warning you to stay quiet.

-> Next Chapter

[ask-the-royal-absol]

@Hope & Felix: Hi Hope; Hi Felix, its great to see you again. So, question to you both; Does the Underdark or Terrestria celebrate its own holidays? I'm asking because we just celebrated a couple of them just recently and I wanted to snag some gifts for the both of you and Destino as well, if I can, as I'm the Celebrate Anon.

Hope: How did that happen?

Felix: Destino being royalty means they can choose for things ta happen and their parents allow it.

Hope: That’s not…no. I’m sorry but in my kingdom, I can’t just say my birthday is a holiday and it’ll suddenly become a thing. That’s stupid. And everyone is ok with it?

Felix: It’s pretty harmless so nobody cares. All it means is that Destino is wished a happy birthday on their special day if ya see ‘em. I’m the only one that ends up givin’ ‘em a gift. Well, me, their parents and the bisharps but that’s it.

Hope: Fair enough, if it helps them to feel important.

Felix: Ya were gonna talk about ya holidays?

Hope: Oh yeah. We have a lot. It varies from religion to religion.

Felix: Religion?

Hope: Yeah. Lots of Pokémon worship different legendary Pokémon, believing certain ones are the creators of the world. Pokémon, like the one known as the Relentless Torrent or the Ancestral Guardian, have their own religious movements which means certain holidays are put in place to appease them. For example, the Day of Ash is a day where Pokémon from the movement of the Living Magma will throw ash into the volcano in order, as they believe, give it sustenance so the Living Magma does not leave the volcano.

Hope: Dad tells me to celebrate as many as I can. Not because I believe in them - the guardian informed me of how the world was made - but more as a symbol for the people of my kingdom, or at least that’s what dad says. And a lot of them are so much fun. Some have some incredible traditions too which I love taking part in. I’m kinda glad I have dad making me aware of all of these movements as it means I get to be closer to the Pokémon I’m gonna eventually rule over.

Felix: Damn, sounds like ya really care for ya subjects, considering ya have ta go ta all these celebrations and all.

Hope: I try my best. Though it does mean I can get incredibly busy sometimes.

Hope: Vacation? Ha! That would be a dream. I don’t get much in terms of “free time”. Royal duties and all.

Felix: Surely ya must get some time off. Destino doesn’t really have ta do but they still give ‘emselves a break if it’s too much for ‘em.

Hope: Destino is going to find it incredibly difficult when they take the throne then. Not gonna put it lightly but if they’re not doing something everyday, they’re not gonna last long.

Felix: I never said they were doing nothin’. Just that they like to balance their royal duties with havin’ some free time. It’s important to ‘em. They value their free time. Work life balance, ya know. They sometimes help distribute food, read ta kids, settle things between two Pokémon.

Hope: There’s no way I’d be able to have a break. It’s hilarious Destino has to have breaks when they have nowhere near as many responsibilities as me.

Hope: My days usually start with an hours worth of training, followed by a meet and greet with a group of Pokémon - that usually takes a couple of hours as I have to give a speech about myself and the royal family and how we support the kingdom. Then I visit a couple of the local schools so I can listen to the kid read and help out as best I can - sometimes I’m even allowed to teach Pokémon moves classes. Gotta inspire the young ones, you know? I have a quick 10 minute lunch before meeting other groups of Pokémon for 3 ish more hours, do a couple more hours of training, maybe meet with a few more of my subjects, then I’ll get a quick dinner, or as quick as I possibly can, then back to meeting with other Pokémon and slipping in some training in my free moments. Sometimes the meet and greets don’t last as long so I can have a quick moment to myself.

Felix: …That doesn’t sound healthy.

Hope: What do you mean?

Felix: That’s ya every day? Every single one of those activities?

Hope: Yeah. I don’t see what the-

Felix: Hope, how’s that sustainable for ya? Ya gonna end up burning yaself out.

Hope: Ha, you’re worrying too much. I’m perfectly fine. Besides, it’s all for the good of the kingdom.

Felix: Alright, so how are ya allowed ta do all of this if ya schedule is so jam packed?

Hope: My old man has no idea I’ve gone and done this. He probably thinks I’ve gone to help someone or something. Everything’s fine.

*A brief thought slipped into Hope’s mind. A memory of the King and Queen of the Underdark leaving to go and tell her father of what she had done. Shit. Perhaps he would know. It’s not like she’d get in trouble with him. Maybe she should have told her father before leaving. Too late now. Felix noticed the faintest drop in Hope’s confident expression. Even though he only just met her, hearing about how full her day was with a lack of down time made him slightly worry about her. At least Destino could manage their time well.*

[asterefflores]

I saw the post about angst in your story. I want to put a comment but mine might be just too long and this app is just not ready for it xD, so I drop it here.

For me, the angst in ur story tilts towards the darker side. It's not just sad, unhappy stuff. I don't know how to articulate it in human language (istg), but I find it remarkably balanced and just feels right. It feels fitting, somehow.

Each arc in your story unfolds at the perfect moment, revealing itself in due course (what am i talking about). Tbh, your story might be considered heavy. I said this numerous times already (maybe) but I love the world-building in it (even tho my brain needs to restart every time).

The characters' backgrounds and the reasons why they are in their current state are intriguing. Moreover, although you introduce certain angsts, what I admire is that you never dwell on them excessively. They are relatable, logical, and not exaggerated or cringe-worthy. They are in the right amounts.

It's like, the story holds multiple layers of surprises each time you unveil the answers to the readers' questions of "why." Also, the angst within goes beyond than just sadness, contain/hiding various emotions and elements of irony.

I remember how the other readers and I went crazy (for fun) with theories in the comments when it was first revealed that Cale had a connection to the Secret Kingdom. We all anticipated something light and fluffy, but oh my goodness, jahahshfhf it took a darker turn that caught us off guard in the most unexpected moment. I love that aspect, and the transitions between each arc are incredibly smooth.

I also love every one of your original characters, (wait you already knew this ajshfkh) but duh, I've never had this much love or enthusiasm for fanfic before. I have a huge crush on your art and writing. It's therapeutic for me to see and read them. Thank you for the artwork and stories, even your daily shenanigans at your office @Xwitter are entertaining to follow up. Love isn't enough to describe how fascinated I am with your work.

I know, I throwing so many compliments for you on this one. I can't help it. I hope you don't mind🧍🏻‍♀️if you mind, I'd still going to do it. So I hope you still don't mind.

Please have a good day 🍀 (Please rest...)

I like to keep the characters realistic with logical responses in any case according to their traits and their back stories and whatnot, I don't like dwelling on anything too much in the plot, sure the angst part is important but if used too much it'll ruin the story not only for readers but also for me lol, it'll feel like I'm forcing it on the characters when, logically thinking, they wouldn't stay depressed for long or behave in certain dramatic ways, based on the way their brain works and all.

And yeah, well, my fanfic was indeed meant to be simple at first you know, but I naturally turn any plot I write heavy and dark with time, and it gets worse gradually but I try to hold back and be reasonable before I mess up at some point lolol

I didn't know you find my transitions between each arc smooth, I'm really happy and thank you for letting me know, all this time I stare at my stories and ask myself "Are there even arcs? Isn't it all a mess? Does anyone notice the transition? Is there even a transition?" Then laugh at my own writing and say it is what it is and keep writing anyway while confident that I'm doing everything wrong somehow XD

And you know, when I introduced OCs in my fanfic I was very sure no one gonna care or pay attention to their parts (except maybe my close friend lol) so I'm really glad to see some readers come to love them eventually, though I think Tristan is getting most love than the rest but that's expected considering his character and his role with Roksoo and Cale lol, I expected many readers would hate his role as their father but now the majority is cheering for him xDD

About my office shenanigans, you just made me recall how my followers on Instagram used to like and anticipate my stories about my daily life at work lolol I didn't think anyone would find joy in them also on twitter/X but glad you enjoy my comical work life 🤝🏻

Lastly, ofc I don't mind, at all, you don't know how many times I read your message and made me smile the whole time, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me 💕💕💕

And I'm trying to rest, I think I'm resting— ok, the fact I don't even know if I'm resting says enough lol but I'm working on it *cough

Thank you again and take care you too, have a good day 🌸🌸

[gale-in-space]

Alright, I'm feeling open and uninhibited for no particular reason, so I'm gonna go for it. What the hell.

I highly suspect that I have npd, or narcissistic personality disorder to the uninitiated. Or at the very least, I feel like I definitely have traits of it.

I think a lot of people don't really understand what npd is. I didn't, for sure. I think initial gut reactions to npd tend to be ones of disgust and fear mainly, which are often colored by people's impressions that npd is nothing more than the following: 1) excessive self-absorption 2) a massive superiority complex and 3) utter disregard for others.

It's really a lot more complex than that. A lot of this stuff, at least in my experience, stems from trauma. In my case, it's maladaptive thought patterns and behaviors that maybe served me as a kid trying to survive in an abusive household, but no longer benefit me as an adult. These tendencies have even sabotaged a lot of relationships I've tried to build over the years. It's a very isolating experience.

Let me break it down a bit:

Anecdotally speaking, the excessive need for praise and admiration often seen in typical npd profiles appears to be related to a significant lack of such things in the formative years of one's life. Feeling like you're fated for something greater, like you deserve better than these idiots around you, that you're special somehow and if only other people could see that - that's a trauma response. It's like a form of escapism. As a kid, I fervently wished I could be swept off to a magical land where I was the "chosen one" destined to save its denizens. I used fantasy as an avenue for finding meaning for myself. Really, I just wanted to know that I mattered, especially when my family and classmates and teachers made me feel like I didn't.

Npd, at least to me, also comes with tendencies towards debilitating perfectionism. This can manifest in a few ways. Avoiding situations in which failure feels like a certainty is one such example. For me, this would involve dropping out of anything that I wasn't immediately good at, or was awkward in, or made somewhat of a minor embarrassment of myself (by virtue of being new and also, you know, a human who messes up sometimes. Which is what we humans do).

Directly dovetailing from that: A lot of us narcissists deeply fear being perceived or exposed as a failure. It's like our horrible secret, that we're actually worthless creatures that are only ever capable of ruining things, and that we don't actually deserve anyone's precious time. Or at least, that's how it feels for me. And in some way, I feel like that is my unconscious brain's way of being like "hey, if I shrink my self-esteem down a bunch so that I appear very humble and modest, I'll get more affection and praise and compliments insisting that I'm better than I say I am."

And I eat that shit up. It's like fuel for me. The problem is, it's not sustainable.

It's a really tricky thing to balance, and as of yet, I've not come up with a great solution for dealing with it. My self-esteem is devastatingly low, despite my embarrassingly entitled attitude towards receiving compliments. I think another thing that throws a wrench into the works a bit is (if my theory is correct) the fact that growing up with trauma makes happy memories a bit more slippery to hold onto. So any kind of genuine praise I get is almost immediately forgotten, disappearing into a black hole that is desperate to be filled.

I think something that might help is keeping a record of compliments that people give me. Writing them in a journal, keeping them in a document of some sort, etc, etc. People can't always give all-positive feedback all the time. That's just not how feedback works. But for the days when I'm feeling low and like I don't know who I am or why I'm even here, I can refer to my records. I can use this as evidence. And hopefully, this will provide a foundation for me to build a more robust sense of self.

Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. If you've read this far, thanks! And if you haven't, well, you haven't.

Yeah. Anyway. Later!

[zorosleftshoe]

Sorry I'm requesting so much 🙈 Could you do a fanfic where Colby and reader go to the roller rink? 🥺

Thank you ♡

I love getting requests! So please, requests as much as you want ❤️❤️

Pairing: Colby Brock x Fem!reader

Warnings: like 2 swear words, fluff

“This is your idea of fun?” Colby asked confusion clear in his voice. “Rollerblading?” I nodded and nudged his side.

“You said we could do anything, babe. It’s just rollerblading.” Colby glanced over at me, his eyes wide as saucers.

“I’m not good at ice skating!” Suppressing my giggle, I latched onto his elbow and pulled him towards the front counter.

“Okay, think of it like skateboarding.” Colby went to say something but I quickly piped up. “Or those shoes with the wheels! Come on, babe. It’ll be fun and I’ll be right there the whole time.” He glanced towards the rink and let out a heavy sigh before pressing a gentle kiss to my temple.

“Okay, okay. I do have a reputation to uphold, you know?” He nuzzled his nose lightly against my hair making me giggle and I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist as we moved closer to the counter.

“Even the most metal men go roller blading sometimes.” He chuckled at my response and we waited for the people ahead of us to get their skates. Wanna get our skates and I’ll go find us a seat?” He nodded and leaned down pressing his lips against mine.

“Sure. See you in a minute.” The roller rink was fairly crowded. Children squealing with happiness as they raced around rink wanting to be the winner of the race. Others attempting to do twirls and tricks. I inhaled deeply letting a wide smile cross my face. As I let myself take in the scene around me I felt someone nudge my side. “Here, darling.” I looked over and saw Colby holding our skates.

“Thank you.” We sat down and began to put them on. Colby continued to look at the rink with his eyebrows furrowed tightly together. “I won’t let you fall.” My voice pulled him out of whatever trance he seemed to be in and he smiled at me.

“I’m supposed to say that to you.” I shrugged before standing to my feet and rolling over to him. “I’m gonna eat shit, aren’t I?” I rolled my eyes playfully and reach out for his hands.

“Relax. It’s so much easier if you aren’t so tense.” He grabs onto my hands and stands to his feet. Unfortunately, he quickly loses his balance and starts rolling back and forth. “Colby!” I say through my laughter. His eyes are wide as he’s bent over trying to grasp onto the railing in front of us. He finally gets a hold of it and inhales deeply.

“This is NOT easy.” I giggle at his words and pull him further into the rink. “Babe,” he pauses, attempting to hold onto the rail.

“Come on.” I drag out. He looks between me and the railing and slowly let’s go. He rolls forward a couple feet before standing up straight and skating alongside me. “See? Not so bad.” He grunts in response. Too concentrated on not falling and embarrassing himself in front of all these people.

“All these kids who can skate so good. Probably laughing at me.” He grumbles.

“Oh, cheer up, you grouch.” I say leaning into his side. “Wanna try to twirl?” Colby chuckles sarcastically at my question and before he can answer I’m spinning around, using his hand as guidance.

“You’re good at this, babe.” I smile and lean up to kiss him. “Okay, help me twirl, trusty instructor.” With a stifled laugh I lift my hand up up as far as I can and he attempts to duck under it. He’s almost spun around when his left skate collides with mine and he’s falling to the ground pulling me with him.

We collide with a loud thud. With me lying on his chest and his back against the floor. The people around us still skating in circles attempting to minimize our embarrassment. I glance up at Colby’s face and he’s already staring at me. As if on cue, we both burst out into contagious laughter.

“Told you I would eat shit.” He said in a matter of fact tone. I pulled him into a quick kiss before getting up onto my knees and pulling him up.

“Maybe we should stick to straight lines.” Colby nods and we stand up, dusting our clothes off. The next hour is spent skating around the rink with Colby at my side. Stolen kisses and lost of hugs.

As we’re taking our skates off and getting ready to leave Colby reaches over and grabs my wrist. He begins to lightly caress the exposed skin.

“Thank you for tonight. It was actually pretty fun.” He moves his hand from my wrist to my cheek and rubs his thumb alone my cheekbone before pulling away and putting his shoes back on. “I love you, you know.” He reaches for my skates to go return them but I take his hand and pull him down to me, our lips crashing against one another.

“I love you too, sweet boy.”

[drabbles-mc]

Hey! Hope you’re doing well!

I have a totally random question for you 😂 It’s been brought to my attention from my sister that because of my build I should get into weight lifting/strength training (my cousin and I have the same build apparently and he does weight lifting, all I know is I have broad shoulders 😆). And I’ve been considering doing it during the summer, I think I could do it and modify it because if I exert too much I trigger a migraine attack. Anyway, I know that you do boxing, but I was wondering if you’d have any advice or tips for it if you know of anything for/about it? If not that’s totally fine, just thought I’d ask anyway!

And I know this is totally not like my usual asks, but I was trying to figure out if I knew anyone and I was like, “Oh hey, I think I do!” 🤣

Hope you have, and are having, a great day!

omg hi!!! i read this the other day when you sent it and i was like, "I'm gonna wait till i get home to answer it so i can give a Real Response" but then life kept happening so I'm just now getting to it. so sorry 😅😅😅

but!! in response to your question! i went through a stint for a while when i was lifting. not in a serious or competitive way at all- i just got into it because my friends at the boxing gym also started lifting lol.

depending on if you're planning on lifting at home or going to a gym, there are different tools at your disposal. however that being said, you can really do so much for your body in terms of lifting with just strictly using dumbbells and kettlebells. all the machines at the gym are obviously very cool and helpful (once you learn and get comfortable using them) but some of my best workouts came just from using free weights and sometimes the bar for squats and the occasional bench press. and also there are a lot of weight-lifting movements that are multiple moves in one, so i would recommend learning singular movements and getting the form down well before stitching them together to make longer more compound movements. good form > high weights or high reps all day

i know you mentioned not wanting to over-exert and potentially trigger a migraine attack. definitely be mindful of that, and also as you get started i would definitely be cautious of figuring out what your starting weights for things would be, especially if lifting isn't something that you've done a whole lot of before! i personally have a bad habit of coming back to lifting after a long time of not doing it and doing too much and then hating myself the next day or three so don't be like me lmao

another good thing that might help keep things controlled is rather than focusing on constantly trying to lift more and more weight, focusing on just slower more controlled movements. working on slower motions, and/or the 'negative' motion (like very slowly doing down for a squat rather than focusing on the push back up) have also been some of the ways i keep some semblance of balance and control over my workouts for that.

and also, active recovery is definitely your friend! as much as i love to laze around, especially if I'm sore the day or two after a tough workout, i know that it's much better to do some type of movement to help keep my muscles active and shorten the time that I'm sore. just walking or stretching, doesn't have to be anything crazy. and lots of water too ofc

sorry i feel like this was a long ramble 😂 boxing is my main wheelhouse but i do dabble with weights every now and again haha. if you ever have other questions or wanna talk about it please feel free to pop in! i love chatting about this stuff 💖

[anonymous-tals]

The Bluth Family As No Doubt Songs

(Obviously, these songs aren’t perfect/exact to all the characters but I think these fit most)

Explanations-

Michael Bluth:

Simple Kind Of Life

“And all I wanted was the simple things/ A simple kind of life”

“Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life”

When your life is complicated, maintaining simplicity on top of that isn’t so easy. It’s just another thing to try and juggle in your balancing act and it’s safe to say that Michael is already juggling too much. Michael’s life is not simple, far from it, especially ever since even the small semblance of it he had crumbled after his wife died. He wants to have a simple life but that’s not possible with the never ending list of what he has to take care of. He’s constantly having to make sure his siblings aren’t causing a ruckus or a fuss and appease his parent’s wishes and figure out what to do with their criminal charges that are being dropped on his lap and simultaneously try and raise his son to make sure he’s successful. It just seems that simplicity isn’t in the cards for him. Arizona represents that kind of life and he’s idealized it in his mind, deluding himself into believing that all his problems would go away if he just makes it to Arizona. But unfortunately for him, things just simply aren’t that simple.

Gob Bluth:

Excuse Me Mr.

“I'm like a beggar with no luck/ I'm holding signs up on your street corner stops/ Like most you try not to see me/ Stare straight ahead, ignore the responsibility/ Excuse me (excuse me, mister)/ Well, I've been waiting in line/ And I'd like to buy some of your time/ I'm very anxious, eager, willing/ What's your billing? (Anxious, eager, willing)”

For all of Gob’s life, he’s been ignored by his father, and if he’s not being ignored, he’s being insulted or shamed, whether it’s “deserved” or not. This is unlike his other siblings, who at the very least had one parent who at the very least kind of liked them. But Gob, he always did things wrong and apparently was doomed to never do anything right. In spite of a lifetime of never receiving it, he still desperately claws for the approval of his father in particular, willing to do anything for it, constantly trying to appeal to him and failing every time. And again, in spite of this, in spite of how awfully he’s treated, he persists. He’s unbelievably unhappy from pushing people who actually care away and burying down what he really wants and who he really is, bending over backwards so far he might crack. Forever, he waits in line for the day that he finally gets his father’s approval but the day is not gonna come. And deep down, he knows that it won’t, but the foolish part of him that believes that getting his father’s approval will make him genuinely happy, that that’s all he needs, still keeps begging for just a little of his time.

Lindsay Bluth-Fünke:

Platinum Blonde Life

“I'm gonna sleep, all through the day/ I'm gonna sleep, my life away/ I'm gonna sleep, all through the day/ I'm gonna sleep, myself away/ I'm gonna close my eyes/ And maybe it'll go away”

Lindsay wants to be seen as competent, like she has everything together. Wants others to believe she’s got the perfect life(Simple Kind Of Life could honestly be a very good Lindsay song, too). But in order to do that, she has to put up a facade, cause she doesn’t have her life together in the slightest. And in keeping up the facade of a perfect life, she’s bleached out any bit of color, all of herself, who she is, in order to seem like someone she’s not. Sometimes she actually tries to pull herself together but the lifetime of failing to live up to anyone’s standards haunts and just leads her back to her bed, or a couch, or wherever she’s decided to just sleep her troubles away.

Buster Bluth:

Trapped In A Box

“Trapped in a box, four walls as sky/ Got a screen for a window about two feet wide/ My mind rides and slides as my circuits are fried/ No room for thought, use the box as my guide”

Buster wasn’t given any room to become his own person. Lucille is about as much of a helicopter parent that you can get. If I remember correctly, she still picked out his outfits, even as an adult. She told him the world was dangerous and that sticking by her side meant his safety. His perception of the world and the woman who trapped him is now distorted to the point where he can’t imagine ever living without her by his side, or at least some sort of mother figure to protect him. He’s not given enough room for a human to grow but…that’s okay with him.

Okay, if you don’t know the songs, I’ve been referencing throughout the paragraphs but I just have to stop and actually look at the verse I just referenced cause it’s, like…Literally, I think this is probably one of the best character to song matches in this collection. There’s the verse:

“Oh, trapped in a box, I'm not alone/ I know of others with a box as their home/ A light only enters from a crack or a hole/ Oh, this is not enough for a human to grow”

Buster isn’t the only one trapped in a box, so are his siblings and he’s been shown to recognize and not deny his siblings struggle in the box. He knows it’s not enough room, he recognizes that, and he can see his siblings wanting to get out of it, suffering as a result of being trapped and he feels for them. The box isn’t for everyone, and he understands that. They should fly the coop, grow beyond it if they’d like, but he’s okay staying in the box where he knows he’s safe.

George Michael:

Blue In The Face

“Relax and sleep, tomorrow isn't leaving/ And counting your sheep won't relieve you from this grieving/ You worry yourself sick till you're blue in the face”

George Michael is constantly worrying about doing things right, getting good grades, having a good future, to the point where it’s detrimental to his self esteem. In the earlier seasons, where the majority of this worrying takes place, he’s just a kid and shouldn’t have to carry all this weight on his shoulders. Shouldn’t have to worry himself sick till he’s blue in the face.

…Idk, man, this one’s pretty straightforward. Not really much else to say.

Maeby Fünke:

Marry Me-

Just kidding, here’s the actual song:

Magic’s In The Makeup:

“If you bore me then I'm comfortable/ If you interest me I'm scared/ My attraction paralyzes me/ No courage to show my true colors that exist”

Maeby wants her parents to pay attention to her. Wants someone, anyone to pay attention to her and care about her. But the idea of being vulnerable is something she’s not very open to. So she gets through life by pretending, quite literally putting on different personas in order to find her footing. She doesn’t really have a place where she feels she belongs so she’s become a master at worming her way into places and pretending like she belongs until she’s discovered, kicked out(or just becomes bored and leaves on her own) and the cycle repeats. And to help with the sting, she’s adapted and learned how to compartmentalize her emotions. But because of all that, people don’t really get to know her. She’s lost herself underneath all the personas, all the makeup, and who she even is isn’t quite clear anymore.

Steve Holt:

Different People

“The sky is full of clouds/ And my world's full of people/ You got the different kinds/ With different ways/ It would take a lifetime to explain/ No one's the same”

There wasn’t really a good one for Steve that I could find. But he seems like a nice guy who just loves everyone, no matter who they are, so I went with this one. He gets that different people have different lives and he’s always willing to be understanding of people and see things from their point of view and give them another chance. Idk, man, he’s just a nice guy.

Annyong Bluth:

Detective

“Peek in, sneak about/ I'm gonna snoop and call you out/ I've caught you, you're hands are red/ Now I'm your broken hearted detective”

Listen, some people’s songs are gonna be more of a stretch than others, okay? Let’s just pretend this song isn’t about romance and that he’s broken hearted about his dad’s banana stand gig being stolen by the Bluths.

Tobias Fünke:

Open The Gate Up

“Oh, have you been invaded?/ Is this the reason why you hide?/ I know just how you're feeling/ I know, let me inside/ Open the gate up”

Tobias was another hard one. There were a couple other songs that could maybe fit him. There was Get On The Ball, which could be about him not putting effort into his and Lindsay’s relationship, but that one would be more from Lindsay’s perspective and I was really trying to have all these songs say something about the characters themselves and this one just wasn’t direct enough. That’s Just Me was another, which could be about how he’s just like that and he’s not gonna change and that does fit him well but he’d have to be self aware to sing that one, plus, some of the other lyrics in it didn’t fit him so…I just chose this one cause he’s a theralyst(that or an ana-) and he’s frequently tried to get other people to open up about their struggles or postulate on what others might be struggling with.

Tony Wonder(cause as we all know, he’s a part of the family now, he marries Gob, we all have the invite to the wedding, it happened):

Sometimes

(Magic’s In The Makeup(god, the fact that magic is in the title pains me, it’s so perfect) is my first choice but actual Bluths get first pick)

“I chose a road when I was young/ In search of fun temptation won/ And all my soul I did surrender/ If I had a chance to go back now/ Would I redeem my moral vows/ Or would I repeat for my own laughter”

Now, if I’d chosen Magic’s In The Makeup, it would be much more straightforward from how we see Tony in the show. I was hoping to find a song that was more relevant to how we canonically see him but other than that song, there wasn’t really anything that worked too well. Dark Blue could fit decently with his relationship with Gob but again, I wanted the songs to say more about the character themselves. So we’re gonna go with a song that fits my personal interpretation of him instead. For me, I always imagined Tony to be more outspoken and punky when he was younger but wanting to prove to his dad he could be successful(refer to his magic show in season four), he began to value fame more than being true to who he was. So he sold out and he became famous but at what cost? The benefits from it may be great in a lot of ways but sometimes, when he realizes what a much more fulfilling life he could have if he had been more honest with himself and not sold out and not chosen the frivolous lifestyle he had, he kind of regrets choosing the path he did. And even when it’s not in the forefront of his thoughts, it stays present in the back of his mind.

Lucille Bluth:

Doghouse

“Your fun and playfulness is so very becoming/ But she has got you by the reins, and there is no running/ Conditioned to salivate at the first sound of the bell/ And feeding you the remains of yesterday's meal”

Lucille is very controlling and is very condescending in how she goes about it. She’ll treat you like a dog and like it or not, you will bark when you’re told. In my mind, the dog in this song could be Buster, George, Oscar or, to a lesser extent, Michael. I’d say Lindsay too but I don’t think Lindsay’s very dog-like in her need for approval. She’s more like a defiant cat who, after hissing and doing its own thing, relents and tries to sit in her lap and Lucille just tosses her right back across the room. When Lucille’s had enough with her dog, annoyed with what she used to find charming or likable, she demands they be thrown out, lest she set herself on fire or something of the like. Good behavior gets hardly rewarded and yet you still find yourself fetching the bone when she asks.

George Bluth:

Snakes

“Snakes in the basket/ Lie to lead you astray/ Snakes in the basket/ Force to make you betray/ Your innermost truth hidden away”

George, like Lucille, is very controlling and manipulative. He constantly lies to his children and uses the trauma he gave them to bend them to his will, make them do what he wants and make sure they stay around to do so. Even though everything he demands leads to nothing good, they listen. His children are aware of all this but they listen anyway when they’re told to stick together, never mind the damage, never mind how they’re sinking to their dooms, just listen to the flute play.

Oscar Bluth:

A Little Something Refreshing

“Yeah, yeah oh/ I'm hungry, yeah/ I said I'm starving, yeah/ I want some pizza, coke and ice cream…[etc]”

I think this speaks for itself.

[bear-momma]

hi! firstly, i love your blog, it's very sweet and i hope you're having a good day! secondly, um, so, i just felt like you might have some helpful insight... years ago before my partner and i got together, i asked them to be my cg and they were happy to, and we had a lot of really successful sessions and it was really healing for me as someone who experienced shame and embarrassment about my regression from a previous partner. however, as time went on we stopped doing it because we were gonna move in together (after we got together ofc) so figured it'd be easier to do it in person, but we just kinda stopped talking about it after... and over the few years since then, my partner has developed a disdain for agere as a whole and thinks it's an unhealthy and uncomfortable coping mechanism. i think they assumed i stopped doing it/wanting to do it, and i just don't really say anything when it gets brought up atp... im trying to get back into it by myself, but it's really hard to balance it without letting it slip, yk?

I understand. It must be frustrating trying to regress when someone close to you doesn't want you too.

Maybe you could ask him why he changed his mind? Don't confront him or accuse him, use "I feel" statements to keep things neutral (I feel confused about your beliefs, I feel better when we communicate, I feel better when I'm regressed, I want to understand your side, etc). He might have a reason it makes him uncomfortable and may be willing to talk through it.

That being said, it's never okay to force someone to take care of you when you're regressed. If someone doesn't want the responsibility its not fair to force or guilt them into it. (I know that's not what you're doing!! Just including this as general advice 💛)

Overall, you shouldn't feel ashamed for regressing. Especially if you're doing so in a healthy way and it's helping you. I'm wishing you luck! 💛

[davepetea]

((just ranting abt writing fanfics you can ignore me lmao. I'm just in a weird place atm but I'm feeling kinda passionate abt writing rn so I'm gonna vent

originally I wrote a lil of this in the tags but then decided to just chuck it under a readmore so people aren't subjected to it against their will. then it got really long.

I'm not actually expecting anyone to read this im just sorta venting to myself. it helps me get my thoughts sorted if I write them down. I can also look back through my #.vat file tag in a few years from now and hopefully be like "wow I'm doing so much better than THAT now", so if that's the case, hi future Vatta! I hope you're having a good day. and if you're not future me, then I still hope you're having a good day, I love you, and this is your chance to turn back bc my rants are boring and LONG

(not turning back yet? ok. your funeral)

so, I haven't been online much bc I've just been in a weird limbo lately and I'm really busy when I'm at home either sorting stuff out or, with my PDA, doing anything I can to avoid my responsibilities lmao

I've been rereading my Tokyo ghoul light novels (I only have Void and Days ? I think they're called), rewatching Zankyou no Terror, and Bungou Stray Dogs (plus the live action Beast film which was? hilarious but I don't think it was supposed to be), and just suffering lmao

(you're still here? wow. you need a hobby. jk. ily)

I've been locked out of the systems at work for a bit, but I still need to be there and wait for the IT ticket to be sorted, so I've gotta be at my desk, cant have my phone or anything, so instead of sitting there doing nothing, I've either been reading, doing codeword puzzles, or I've been writing up 'drafts' for potential fanfics.

in this year of our sufferer 2024. I've been writing up some self indulgent homestuck college AU lmao. I've written over 60 sides of a5, (not inc the inbetween sections where I wrote some stuff on the chromebook at home) some notes, some accidental first draft, bc I wanted something to take up the time. but my handwriting is terrible, I don't write fast enough for my brain, I have a lil dyslexia so the letters and words get jumbled sometimes, and I have this weird thing where I don't do spaces right. but I've been trying to upload it to Google docs with Bixby's photo text extraction. it's pretty good considering how bad my writing is, then I just need to go through and touch it up, the main issues are things like names, there's some letters I do weird like my v turns into an r, or every p it thinks is a capital, but overall. amazing how technology do that.

(see my long ass rambling isn't just confined to venting. I also pretend to write actual things. you can still leave you know. I'm not holding you hostage until you read all this. you have free will)

can't remember how I ended up back in fanfic hell but I read back through like all my old published fics (aside from the cringe ones I orphaned) and the writing isn't terrible. I don't think I actually finished any of them though, which really shows my true nature lmao,,, but I've picked up a few things on my writing style now. and I've got a few things I see other people do that I wanna avoid bc I personally don't like it, and it's mostly about balance, like using names too often/not enough, being too descriptive like All The Time and making the writing really nice, but not much happens in the story so you take like an hour to read each scene, vs not enough description so everything is happening but you don't really get a visual or a breather to appreciate what's happened so far. I've been working on finding my right balance, which is imo easier if you're writing fanfic bc first up you hardly ever have to describe the characters. if someone's reading it they already know who they are. and for scenes you can take some inspo from the source material. does the original work put alot of effort into setting a cool scene? if not, then you don't have to either! if it's 90% scenery then you've gotta do it too I don't make the rules

I'm losing steam now I'm so sleepy and I've gotta go to work in a bit ugh.

(bet you're sleepy reading this too huh. told you it'd be boring)

I've been thinking about trying out writing some BSD fics but on an anonym not linked to my main Ao3, bc the themes are doozys and I kinda just wanna have the freedom of anonymity. also I'm a baby and if someone publicly criticises my stuff without it being a requested critique then it makes me bleh (I've had a few comments in the past of just general negatives, not even constructive feedback, not that I asked for any anyway...), but the abilities are tricky to write for, so it's effort lol

anyway I'm gonna stop now ive gotta get ready for work

(if you actually read this then thanks for going on this emotion deep dive with me. tune in next week when we'll get back to my usual mental breakdown)

[seeminglyseph]

I feel really bad because relatives visited and I was so tired I just like. slept through the whole thing. and I'm worried that I'm gonna catch hell for being rude, or just. like. I feel like I missed a chance for human interaction. but I just... have been really tired lately. body sore. exhausted. also just like. I think my sinuses are inflamed or something because just. everything feels so fuckin' like. swollen. I feel like migraine-tastic and have not been able to get out of bed.

and like. I am not sure the balance that needs to be set 'cause they all had to be doin' renovations in the room next to mine, and like. ultimately, hopefully, I will be the one benefiting from it. and like. yay. but also. loud banging and dust and stuff as a result of renovating that room, so boo. and like. I don't know how to like. sort myself or organize my sleep schedule to be convenient so it's like. I'm trying but also like... if I get high stress and need personal space and time alone it feels like I just end up adapting to nocturnal as a coping mechanism. like the more I am overwhelmed by being awake the more I shift so being awake is at night? and it's like inconvenient to other people and I want to try and adapt it to work at a timeline that's like... normal and decent for the people who have ended up working around me, but like. instead it's like... "I'm gonna scream and throw up and tear all my hair out"

which like. not conducive to an environment where I can like. handle this. the migraines and the intense heart rate is like. absolutely thrashing my ability to function and like. I fully do not know what to do. And it feels so... like. A me problem, that's like. so hard to describe. that like... I don't know if I'm just being crazy. and I know I do feel crazy because of other things, so like it doesn't help... and I'm wondering if I caught a mind case of covid and couldn't tell it from a cold or flu and now I have long covid and if there's any way to tell if that's the case since I also have had the vaccine so I'll have the antibodies anyway. or maybe I had a really nasty reaction to the vaccine, I mean it's a net good to have a vaccine but not everyone is gonna have a positive reaction and I've always been really sensitive to medication. There's been some ties to IIH and the Johnson&Johnson vaccine, I got the pfizer but I saw somewhere there was a controversy with the pfizer too. I'm obviously not anti-vax in any way, I think they're a net good. I'm just like... always going to be in some way cautiously aware of the fact that the medical industry is fallible and an industry? Like I've gotten the vaccine and boosters, but as a human being I'm allowed to be like.. "I've had a lot of health issues since then, I wonder if there's a connection or if they are unrelated. I wonder if there's a way to test if they are related and if there's a way to do that without undermining the whole industry and just going 'I am a person with health issues that might make the vaccine behave differently within my body'" you know? like not. 'vaccine bad' but like 'my body is not a typical healthy body, my autoimmune issue might cause the vaccine to react differently' so my questions are not laid at the validity of vaccines as a concept but at like... 'could there have been complications due to the medications and compromised system already housed within my body' you know?

It's such a thorny issue because like. any question that seems to be against the vaccine is like... seemingly irrational anti-vax, but like... I'm just wondering if I happen to have like. A fucked up weird body that happened to have a toxic response in some way? it has nothing to do with like... Is the vaccine bad, but like... was it bad for me, I guess. And even then it's like. kinda speculation because I'm overwhelmed and I feel really really sick and I really don't know who to ask for help anymore?? sometimes it's like. fuck it's been like... two years since we found out about the pressure in my brain, and I still feel like I don't know what's going on. I just have migraines and a fucked up heart rate, and most people kinda forgot about the heart rate because I've been doing a bunch to keep it down because I feel so fucked up when it gets high. So it looks really low, but I also look really lazy. but I feel it beating really hard but I don't know how to like... prove that to people, because it's mostly just a feeling. and things just smell... strongly and bad. all the time. and I don't know what to do about that and I don't know if it's topiramate or not anymore... and considering my mom is like. the queen of making me doubt my perception of reality in her own little way, maybe I've just spent 3 years living exclusively with my mom without my dad to balance out her habits and I just. Am fully losing my mind. "I don't smell anything. I didn't notice anything. It's not that bad. You don't really have any needs." etc.

I don't know what is healthy to want or need, and since I've been kinda my mom's keeper since I was a child and now my dad's not here I feel like I have to be here for her... but also I'm disabled and in debt so I fully cannot move or get a job or go to school because like... it feels like making excuses but like. I am very ill and in a lot of pain, disability is a real thing that prevents people from functioning and I don't have to keep justifying it to myself when I know full well how bad my situation is and can be. I know what trying to keep up can do to me and what I'm incapable of doing. just because if someone took a picture I would look like a person that people like to make jokes about, doesn't mean that the inside of my body works right. That's the shame talking. I know full well that I can't 'just try harder' because I tried harder and just got sicker. I *know* that. I'm going to doctors, I'm doing my best with what I have and it's okay that it's not as much as what other people can do. it's okay. I'm allowed to be sick and need support. That's what being disabled is. Having a hobby that I do now and then doesn't prove I'm not disabled, I can't curl up in a ball and die just because things take effort and drain me. I can't only prioritize self-improvement or helping other people. Sometimes I need to have fun or do things for me. It's okay to spend time playing a video game or drawing pictures that are just for fun. I can exist for me that's fine. it's normal and reasonable and in fact probably recommended because my mental health is necessary for a healthy lifestyle.

oh I am definitely talking myself down from a guilt spiral I don't know why I am in this weird headspace. what the fuck...

[hotgirlmuseboardxo]

Not the others. Skeptical but with an open mind. What is spiritual activism?

ok i like a skeptic wit an open mind, that's me a lot too! thank u for giving the chance to explain myself without condemning me lol

i'm a lil high and i just ate some waffles so i'm gonna do my best to make this make sense and if u have more questions u can lmk :)

we are all very aware of what's going on palestine and ukraine, but also places like sudan and myanmar; physical violence, death, sexual assault, the absolute worst kinds of brutality that one doesn't even want to have to think about, right?

as a spiritual person i am also deeply aware (as i'm sure some of you are too!) that everything is energy, and everything is connected. so everything happening in our 3D world is a manifestation of 5D energies. i've developed a really deep understanding of this over the past year especially; i met my twin flame irl this time last year and that set me on an expedited spiritual awakening so now soul-based energy honestly makes more sense to me than ego-based human beings so i spend a lot of time healing myself at more of a 5D level.

i know that i am the universe. i know that you are the universe. i know that every single soul fighting for their lives in those war-torn countries rn is the universe, as are those trying to kill them. we are all just part of one big energetic system trying to balance itself out! so the the 5D, this is what we would call "spiritual warfare," or an overwhelming amount of negative energy trying to take over the positive. in the 3D, this really clearly explains a lot of the chaos and division and just evilness we see around us every day lol.

think about it... where are we not divided? politics, race, gender identity, intelligence levels, socioeconomic status, abortion rights, bitch don't even get me started on stan twitter lmaooo. they want us fighting and angry and fearful of everyone around us All The Time!!! it's exhausting, and it's unfortunately what most of us are taught to buy into from a young age without even questioning it, and so the cycle repeats.

i am blessed enough to be Awake and aware of what's happening on a larger scale. i get psychic Knowings about the energy around me all the time and one of the biggest i've gotten in recent years is that no matter what i do in this life, my biggest and most important contribution will always be the energy i bring to the table; that's what can have the biggest positive impact on everyone else because again, we are all the universe, we are all connected. if you've followed me a long time then you have seen me radically change my life on every single level, and i did that through taking responsibility for my vibration. i was not worried about what other people around me were doing, i just did (and still do) whatever it is that i need to do to show up in the world as my best self and serve my highest purpose (healing others and telling stories) every single day!

through doing this, i cannot tell you how many people i have impacted. i get messages every day from people telling me how i inspire them simply through showing up and being me and embodying the fullness of my beautiful fucking spirit!!! i am ALIVE and i am happy and i am blessed and i see the good in everything and i refuse to let the bad energy win by sucking me into fear and hatred and depression. THAT is spiritual activism. and the more of us that can tap into what we're really in this bitch to do, the more we'll be able to spread the positive energy and light and love and healing throughout the world.

i know how impactful and powerful and important and far-reaching my energy is. i know that the earth is rising in consciousness, and all this conflict is an attempt to hold mankind back from raising their vibration. you have to choose to see beyond the veil. do what you can for others, of course, but you will do your best work – as an activist or in any capacity – once you have made sure your cup is full first.

hope this makes sense, xo

[dangerously-human]

halloween - What is something you like that others around you don't like?

forest walks - What do you do to take your mind off things?

oak - What is the wisest thing someone has said to you over the last year?

Ack, got distracted (I was doing these while babysitting) and neglected to answer this!

halloween - What is something you like that others around you don't like?

I'm gonna say my statistics class. I think the majority of students are neutral about it, with only one particularly negative voice in the mix. However, it seems the majority are aiming to get into more qualitative work and are generally skeptical of quantitative, and they definitely almost all hate the code aspects and working in R, whereas I feel like I've finally found my point of thriving in this program.

forest walks - What do you do to take your mind off things?

Going for a walk can be helpful sometimes, although that's generally better for giving myself space to process stuff. If I need distraction, TV or Tumblr is where it's at.

oak - What is the wisest thing someone has said to you over the last year?

Bible study bestie has dropped lots of real wisdom bombs in the past year, though I'd be hard pressed to remember specifics. Also plenty of hard-hitting sermons, but alas, memory is failing me. So I'm going to go with something one of my bosses said the other day when she met with me to go over the plan for me covering one of her studies while she's out on maternity leave. She gave me her number to contact her if something came up that I couldn't answer, and I guess I looked uncomfortable with that, so she added, "Listen, this is only going to work if you trust that I'll say no if I can't do it. I already trust that you'll only ask if you really need it, and I have no problem saying it has to wait or I'm just not up for it." Basically she ended up reinforcing that work/life balance only works when you enforce your own boundaries, and you can't go around trying to predict other people's boundaries for them, and it solidified something I've been considering a lot in recent years about how my yes only means anything if my no does, too. It's something my mom has remarked upon multiple times lately, too, that she doesn't worry about suggesting things with me because she knows I'll be honest in my responses and say no when that's what I'm actually thinking. And, hey, I just think there's something to be said about how being clear about your own boundaries and opinions actually makes other people feel safer and more comfortable with you, because they don't have to guess at what you mean.

[mariahcarreyyy]

Story snippet: This one is still a WIP but would love your feedback 🫶🏼 *warning cussing did not include smut in the snippet but might send that next if it's okay, cause I feel like I definitely need feedback on that lol*

My heart seemed to stop as I saw who walked through the door. Those golden flecs in his deep green eyes, the way his brown curls look perfectly tosseled, his incredibly sculpted body. God he is gorgeous he had always been gorgeous but seeing him again, he looks so mature, so manly. "Holy fuck" I whisper to myself, trying to shake the inappropriate thoughts flooding my brain. I slowly slip out of the room trying not to draw attention to myself, and gain some sense of composure. As I step out onto the patio the warm, thick, Monoco air blows gently over my skin, I lean my head back, close my eyes, and take a deep breath, a deep breath that was immediately halted when I take in an all too familiar scent.

- thanks love xx 🪼

HI ELLY!!!! So so sorry for the late response im a bit sick right now, i hope this feedback is still beneficial for u🫶🫶 they'll be extremely specific and take em with a grain of salt bcs 1. im a picky reader and 2. im definitely not even certified to be giving out writing advice lol

Okay so i just wanna start off by saying the potential i see with u and writing is insane. Heres some feedback to improve it:

don't compliment the driver too much -> obviously theyre gorgeous but from a reader viewpoint, it could come across as a bit too much. you have to mention the attraction the reader has to the driver, ofcourse, but maybe try and make it a bit subtle.

show, don't tell -> i honestly think you shouldn't live by this phrase because sometimes telling is necessary but in this snippet i think showing would be more beneficial. (e.g. instead of describing the drivers features in the beggining and then saying that he looks much more attractive now that hes grown up, you can describe it from the very start. So, it would go something like, "Familiar golden flecs in his emerald eyes, slightly longer curls cascading perfectly down to his ears, and stubborn baby/teenager fat no longer hiding his lean, sculpted body.") ***btw im guessing that the driver is lando bcs of the green eyes + curls but i may be completely wrong & also is this a childhood friends to lovers type situation or??? just curious💙

sentence structure variations -> honestly i should take my own advice because i struggle so so much with this. basically what this means is that when ur writing, every sentence shouldn't be short and at the same time, every sentence shouldn't be long. There has to be a balance. A short sentence here and there. Maybe a slightly longer one to get the read more invested in your writing. And, then, once the reader i fully engaged and hooked onto your words, you can transition into longer sentences. Ha, see what i did there. I played with sentence variations!!! (E.g. you could rewrite, "As I step out onto the patio the warm, thick, Monoco breeze blows gently over my skin, I lean my head back, close my eyes, and take a deep breath, a deep breath that was immediately halted when I take in an all too familiar scent." into, "When I step out onto the patio, the warm, thick Monaco air blows gently over my skin. Relieved, I lean back. My eyes close and I breathe in the refreshing air; a breath almost immedietly halted when the all too familiar scent fills my lungs.") ***thats not the best example of sentence structure variation, i'll admit, but again, im so shit at it.

Anddddddd thats it!!! Well, make sure to pop it into grammarly b4 u post it but im not gonna focus on that bcs u should SEE my shit grammar and spelling in my WIP's 🙈🙈 also, i know this seems long so please dont be disheartened. its literally only three points im just a natural yapper LMFAO. and if u want to send me the smut, feel free, but i'm even worse at writing that so idk if i'll be of much help💙💙