#because it is a lonely experience for sure

[nekodere07]

Grian being a naturally born half Watcher and Grianpop HC AU

This was my take on Shadverse’s Grianpop AU, which is basically Grian’s dad who’s the first Watcher

This is also accessible on AO3 already!

Grian has always been an awkward boy. He distances himself from the kids his age and watch them from afar, enjoying themselves while they run around the park looking dirty but the huge smiles on their faces tells him everything that they’re happy. But he’s not jealous. Not fully. One time, his mother asked how he was at school and he could only shrug casually like it didn’t concern him. School was weird, the classrooms were weird, the teachers were weird, and most of all, the kids were weird. Especially the kid that brought that stinky fish with him the whole time and the lanky one with bunny ears kept on hiding behind fish boy.

They talked to him, sure, but it didn’t mean they were friends. His mother kissed him by the forehead and leans forward to how warm and soft the touch is, listening to her gentle voice as she tells her about making friends and how they will accompany him when he’s lonely and help him grow to become a better person in the future. At first, he’s reluctant to do it but goes to follow wherever those two kids go and as time goes by, he kind of like the company.

There are times when Grian wakes up to two muffled voices yelling at each other from downstairs but drowns them with his pillow and goes back to sleep (at least try to), like it doesn’t concern him. Hopefully his two siblings aren’t awake from the room across (he knows they are but if he tries to go and comfort them, their parents will notice that he’s awake and mother might say mean things to him again—worse, she might hurt them this time). Hopefully Taurtis has a new fun story to tell him tomorrow to keep him awake and not fall asleep on class again.

The arguing gets worse as well as their mother’s attitude towards him. At least she’s still loving towards his two younger siblings. He ignores it and tries to convince himself that she’s just stressful from work. It’s nothing to be worried about. It’s not like his mother meant what she told him about being… It wasn’t true, right?

One day, his father called him to the living room and asks Grian to sit with him on the sofa. All of a sudden, his father’s heavy hand lands on his blonde hair and ruffles it gently as he smiles and tells him about meeting someone who will truly care for him and he should cherish them—be with those people and never betray them. He’s quite confused but he nods as he mirrors his father’s kind smile that for some reason, doesn’t quite reach his ears like it usually did. His father then stands and turn to walk towards the kitchen to cook for dinner.

Is it just him or father’s eyes glowed purple for a second or was it lighting messing up with him?

Grian should have said something about it. He should’ve said something about why his father’s signature cheeky grin didn’t feel quite right. He should’ve said something, anything!

That talk is the last time he would ever get to see his father again.

His mother sends him to Tokyo Soul a few weeks after his father apparently left and reunites with her boyfriend, which is his siblings’ biological father, since she’s apparently unable to support his financial needs and has to earn it himself. At least all he needs to pay was his living expenses and she still pays for his school so there wasn’t much of a problem.

Then Tokyo Soul, which is the name of the town he’s staying for the rest of his high school years, happened.

Because of his horrifying experience there, Grian learns how to survive like a soldier in the middle of enemy territory and pull the trigger without batting an eye. He’s not sure which is worse, almost dying from a car crash and getting shot by various people or being threatened with a knife multiple times by your own best friend. He’s not sure if he even wants to survive this long after that hellscape, to be honest. Does it even matter? Everything in his life is a lie. He followed every advice that his parents gave him, yet all he receives are pain and suffering.

Even after meeting new people from different worlds and co-founded one of the most famous fantasy worlds in the universe, he still feels empty inside. So, he says his goodbyes to his co-founders and friends, leaving that world behind and goes to a new one.

That’s when he meets the Evolutionists.

It’s like a big slap to the face but in a positive way.

Instead of expecting the same outcome with them, they destroyed his world and proves it to him that there is still hope in humanity. Even after isolating himself away from civilization and build his own empire, people still go out of their way to visit his base and pay their regards. They even compliment his build even though it’s not even that impressive. He’s always been told by his mother that his love of building was a waste of time and resources and should focus on something more practical.

When he accidentally told Martyn about it one time, suddenly he exploded and started an hour-long rant about how amazing Grian was. For some reason, his heart flutters and cheeks hurt, even now that he’s only reminiscing it, only to realize he’s smiling so much. Ever since then, every Evolutionist will come and compliment him. Some like Netty will bring him a present like a pot filled with a delicious meal.

At first, when he stumbled upon his siblings who are living with the rest of the Evolutionists, he was reluctant whether to interact with them since they might hate him for leaving them and not writing even a single letter, but they easily jumped to his arms and cried how much they missed him. That’s when he decided that he will hang out with them more and take care of them like a good brother this time.

Living with the Evolutionists is the happiest time he has ever been his whole life.

Until mysterious structures with bedrock and the Watchers appear, that is.

Everything crumbles right before his eyes, both literally and metaphorically, after he defeats the dragon and is taken from his friends—his real family. He can only watch in dread and cry his heart out as the world slowly deteriorates from the inside, leaving everyone to die but not him.

Why? They don’t deserve it. Everyone has been so kind of him and all he did was take, never giving the same kindness in return. He should be the one to sacrifice his life for them so they can live a happy life without him. This always happen. Whenever Grian is around, he destroys everything he touches—everything he ever cares about.

When the Watchers do their worst to him, he didn’t resist even once. It’s weird when all he did in his whole life was exactly that. They gave him wings, too many eyes for a human being, and knowledge regarding magic that he doesn’t even care about. Can he even call himself that after all the things he did? He quietly obeyed when they ordered him to watch over worlds he’s unfamiliar with, those specifically that are reeking with blood and smoke due to unending wars that they were manipulating from behind the scenes.

He quietly followed the orders of taking out any individuals or organizations that might get in their way with the help of his years of experience back in high school. He did everything like a dog awaiting its master’s orders. It feels like it doesn’t even matter anymore. It’s like the strings that keep him moving all this time have finally been cut off, leaving his husk for a body to drop lifelessly to the cold, hard ground, available for anyone to use however they please.

Just when Grian thought all hope is lost, a peculiar Watcher keeps on appearing right before him wherever he goes, casually making a one-sided conversation with his porcelain teeth expose through a cheeky grin. Even if he never responds to their obvious bait of making him talk, they still went out of their way to hang out with him everyday without fail, even if it's only a few minutes or seconds before Grian is summoned by the higher ups.

What is this guy plotting? Because he’s not buying it. Not anymore.

He does everything in his power to avoid meeting up with them at all cost, causing them to chase him all around the base the second they spotted him. Of course, he won’t let them do as they please and he hides at the places someone will least expect it, using his magic to avoid any detection even with their eyes. But for some reason, they always found him like it’s nothing. At one point to another, their weird chase has turned into a weird hide-and-seek of some sort and surprisingly, he kind of likes it. He enjoys how the breeze brushes against his cheeks and how fast his heart beats from the thrill.

Grian finally decides to give in to their peculiar Watcher and let them “find” him, sitting on the edge of one of the many floating islands as they laugh and catch their breath. It’s been a while since his face and stomach hurt from having so much fun. He thinks it’s a great thing every once in a while, for him to take a break from everything… but not too much. He doesn’t want to expect something like last time.

He turns to his side to watch how his companion is doing so far, only to exclaim as he sees a grinning face being too close for comfort. As he places a hand to his drumming heart, they burst into a fitful laughter and he doesn’t hesitate to punch them by the shoulder, stopping their laughter and whines about painful their shoulder apparently is. Grian huffs at how childish this creature acts, staring at their bright expression. Their eyes are a beautiful shade of purple, glinting like the twinkling stars all around them and his raven fringe slightly covers them, acting like a black backdrop as it highlights them more.

The Watcher’s teasing comment snaps him out his thoughts before they point out that they didn’t quite catch his name. With a whisper, he tells them he’s Xelqua, like he’s ashamed of it. He is. They shake their head and reiterate that they want to know his real name. He jolts at this, realizing that this individual approaches him like he’s one of them even after knowing about his reputation. Isn’t he disgusted of his existence for being an artificial Watcher?

With a gulp, his jaw hangs as he contemplates whether he wants to reveal his true—past name or not. After a shaky breath, he utters the name that he hasn’t used in a very long time. He pronounces it awkwardly like it’s a foreign word and not his name. He can feel a heavy hand patting his back gently, rising his head to meet this peculiar Watcher’s eyes, only to see a smile so tender that he’s afraid he might cry. No one has ever looked at him that way since… that day.

Before Grian realizes, he feels warmth wrapping around him and sees them through a blurry vision that they’re hugging him. The one thing Watchers never do in their entire existence is to show what is similar to humanity. In fact, they would rather die a million times over than show kindness and empathy towards their fellow Watchers or other creatures. But this Watcher in front of him did the impossible. Suddenly, his chest constricts as the tears won’t stop flowing and he can’t contain his sobs any longer, so he can only grasp at their robe like a lifeline as he cries his heart out.

After his embarrassing crying session, they let go of each other and stare at the black horizon beyond them in comfortable silence. Then, they introduce themself and says that their name is currently Charlie and uses he/him pronouns. Grian wonders why he never heard of their—his name despite being in the same division. Charlie replies that it’s his human name and it’s his most favorite one, muttering “she gave it to me” whilst his smile falters ever so slightly before going back into a cheeky grin. Grian is a bit confused about that whole thing but decides to shrug it off.

Since then, the two of them are hanging out more, telling stories about their lives with humans. As it turns out, Charlie really likes humans despite being a Watcher. “Like” as in not the same as the ones the Watchers use to justify their horrible actions, but “like” as in actually how Grian used to feel towards his friends. Apart from hearing him from time to time about how he missed his previous life with humans, Charlie rarely tells any stories about his personal life. Sure, he has a lot to talk about other planets, adventures, new discoveries, and more, but they were rarely about him. Even if he was, he only acted as a spectator of some sort. Wow, he really is a Watcher (compared to majority of them).

Unfortunately, Grian doesn’t miss the fact that they’ve been hanging out less and less, always being summoned by the higher ups the second they thought they finally have time for themselves. He knows and certainly Charlie knows as well that they’re purposely preventing them from seeing each other. The missions are getting harder and harder to fulfill and worse, becoming crueler. The image of an innocent crying baby’s life being snuffed so soon with his own hands keeps looping inside his mind, lurking and pouncing at every second he lets his guard down.

He can’t do it. Not anymore. He’s meant to keep this a secret from Charlie but after one of the missions, Grian slips up and starts breaking down the second he sees him, beginning to apologize profusely about how he can never make it up to that child.

And that’s when everything changes.

(Inspired from “7 Years” by Lukas Graham and Nanatsu no Taizai scene about Meliodas given a future illusion by Chaos about everyone dying except him due to immortality)

(I made this idea during early March last year, but I got bored from finishing this, so I’ll leave this idea here)

[lyrefromthesea]

Giyuu Tomioka - NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

truthfully, he's feeling tired after sex. he works a lot and just wants to sink into bed. on the other hand, he really loves and cares for you. he can't sleep without making sure you're fine. if you really need it, he'll make a bath for the both of you, otherwise he'll fall asleep with you in his arms.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

his hands. it's not even his favourite body part because he's so fond of them, it's because you like them. it didn't take him long to realize that you loved his hands, even though they're rough from all the years of swordsmanship. he can make you feel good with them, so he loves them.

your eyes. he loves your eyes. it doesn't matter whether they're brown, blue, green or grey. he loves the way you look at him and how your gaze can reassure him silently. he'll often stare into your eyes while you're having a passionate session.

and every plush part of your body. your breasts? he loves squeezing them. he likes resting his head on them and peppering them in kisses. your hips or thighs? he loves holding them, following the curve of your body. it's perfectly shaped and he can't help but look at them when you're wearing something pretty. your ass? it's when he puts you on his lap when he loves holding it, squeezing it and maybe even give you a little spank - just to hear you let out a cute gasp or whine.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

he wants to cum inside. he swears it just feels better. your greedy insides are trying to milk him, basically begging for another creampie. he loves the squelching sounds that are created with each thrust after he filled you up.

he likes cumming on your chest and thighs too. it looks so lewd, something about the sight just gets him going.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

you were away for two weeks once and he felt so lonely. while doing the chores, he found a pair of your underwear, wide eyes staring at the article in his hand. he had soiled it with his cum before he knew it, nearly tripping as he hurriedly brought it back into the bathroom. he could never tell you that he used your panties to masturbate.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

he doesn't have much experience. he didn't have family while he grew up, nor did he have friends. there was basically no one to tell him anything about intimacy. neither did he meet anyone he had romantic interest in. his first real experience came with meeting you. nevertheless, he'll know some of the basics, just from overhearing people on his missions (even though he might have not wanted that).

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

missionary. if he feels especially romantic, he wants to see your face while he works you to ecstacy. he wants to hold your hands and see your lips part to let out moans and whimpers.

doggy style. he just prefers it when you're having rough sex. he can hold onto your hips and see your ass shake with each thrust. he'll be able to pull on your hair and whisper in your ear, maybe bite your shoulder. it gives him a feeling of control. at the same time, he knows you trust him with your body, he'll surely make the best of it.

cow girl. sometimes he doesn't want to think or work. he wants to escape the world and seek comfort in someone else - you. he trusts you with his pleasure, just like you do when he's in control. he loves watching you bounce on his cock, it doesn't matter which way. either he gets to touch and suck on your breasts or he can see your ass jiggle each time you take him in.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

he's serious. intimacy is an act of trust for him, doesn't matter if it's rough or soft. however, he'll quietly laugh with you when something embarassing happens or when one of you says something a bit too cheesy.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

he's not going to shave it completely. the thought of cutting himself down there terrifies him, haha. i do think he's going to trim it though, he doesn't like when his hair grows too long. he also figured it wouldn't be nice for you when you go down on him. he wants you to be comfortable, one more reason to make sure it stays short and well-kept.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment?)

he'll definitely be romantic. he'll hold your hands and whisper sweet nothings into your ear. how could he not? you make him feel so loved, so good - he needs to make you feel loved.

sometimes you'll engage in more rough sex, that will be when he's not that romantic. it's not like he loves you less, he's just occupied grunting into your ear and marking your skin. he'll still make sure you're well taken care of.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he seldom jacked off before you entered his life, there was just too much on his mind. he still needed to do it sometimes, because his dick would literally start hurting after neglecting it for too long.

the first real pleasure he got while masturbating was when he imagined you while doing so. honestly, he felt guilty at first, but slowly learned it wouldn't hurt you to be a part of his fantasies.

after you got together, he doesn't masturbate on his own anymore. why would he? you're there to help him. however, he certainly wouldn't say no to mutual masturbation and he'll do it when he's out for a long mission.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

hair pulling. a harsh kiss while feeling his hair being pulled at? he's hard as a rock. you're probably needy and your actions show it.

praise. he can't help it, his body automatically reacts to your words. you're so sweet, he can only feel his cock twitch in response.

overstimulation. he makes sure to draw a line when it gets painful, but seeing you cry and writhe in pleasure just makes him cum two times harder. naturally, he loves getting overstimulated by you as well.

creampies. it's wet, sloppy and tight after he came inside. even if he wanted to, he couldn't stop after one round. you must feel the same, right? he can tell by the way you're clenching so much around him.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

preferably the bed. it's a safe place for him and it's genuinely great if you want to try something new or bask in the old. your bed is soft, big and you can fall asleep right after.

he would still do it anywhere else in the house, it's your private place after all. no one is there to watch you and he gets shamefully turned on when he's taking you on the kitchen counter or in the shower.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

hair pulling. he doesn't like it when you actually hurt him doing so, but he enjoys the softer version of it. when you two kiss and make out, he immediately gets hard after feeling you softly tug at his hair. it feels like you need him as much as he needs you. logically, he enjoys pulling your hair as well, the same way you do it to him.

skin. it sounds weird at first, but he loves seeing and especially feeling your skin. it looks soft and every imperfection somehow makes it even more perfect. he loves touching your skin, gently rubbing it while holding you close. if you have scars, he'll gladly trace over them and tell you how how beautiful you are in his eyes. he enjoys when you touch his skin as well, if you sweetly talk about his scars, it really gets him going.

nice words and compliments. he had been alone for most of his life, he didn't receive anything nice. now his body and mind easily react to compliments. it's especially hard when he genuinely trusts the person he receives such words from.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

pain. he is not willing to truly hurt you. knifes and other dangerous objects will not come near your bed. he could never forgive himself after doing such things to your body.

if you're okay with it, he won't have a problem with spanking though. your ass jiggles so nicely under the force of his hand. but he'll make sure not to spank you too hard. he'll probably massage your skin after rough sex as well, knowing that the red marks of his hand sting a bit.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

he has no preference. he'll end up receiving more than he's giving though. he enjoys going down on you, but he has a problem stopping once his head is buried between your legs. he loves the sounds you make when his tongue laps against you.

however, you need to signal him when it's enough. your legs will often feel numb or tremble after he's finished. he didn't even push his cock in yet, you weren't sure if you could take more.

he'll definitely hold onto your head when you give him a blowjob. he needs to hold onto something when you suck him off, your warm mouth is just too much for him. his hips end up bucking into your mouth more often than not.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

he can and will do both. slow and sensual sex is definitely something he uses to prove his love to you. he's not so good with words so he uses his body to show his affection.

fast and rough sex works like a stress relief for him. fighting demons and saving inexperienced slayers will take it's toll on him, he needs something to get it out of his system.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

he doesn't hate them, but he would rather spend the night making real love to you. he's still ready to indulge in quickies every now and then. they're mostly going to consist of pressing you against a wall and going down on you. he likes your taste and has no problem working you to ecstasy like this. just expect him to have a real sex session once he has the time for it. he gets unbelievably hard from seeing you get off.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he's not that risky himself, not because he doesn't want to initiate something, but because he's happy with your sex life. nevertheless, he's up for experiments, if you want to try.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he's a hashira, he definitely has more stamina than you and he'll use it too. one round has to last at least 30 minutes, otherwise he'll not be satisfied.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

he doesn't own any. he didn't have the time to inform himself about toys either. if you have toys, he's willing to try them on you.

if you buy toys for him, he needs a bit encouragement from you. he had never used them before after all and the pretty cocking you brought home one day made him nervous.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

he's not teasing you often. he enjoys introducing you to real pleasure. stopping before you could orgasms just didn't feel right to him.

he'll tease you during foreplay though. he knows it makes you more needy when he takes his time and that's exactly how he likes it.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

sometimes he's really quiet, especially at the start of your relationship. he's insecure about the sounds he makes. are they not manly enough? will you laugh if a whimper escapes him? it resulted in quiet panting and grunting until he's really close.

on the other hand, he can get really loud. the quiet pants won't go away, but are now accompanied by breathy moans and sometimes even whines or whimpers. he'll feel shy about it at first, but when you tell him how much they turn you on, he gets more relaxed about them.

he'll always be more vocal when he's reaching his climax. it's because his brain literally short-circuits when he's feeling so close. "c- cumming.. 'm gonna cum. gonna cum..!" or chants of your name are the most common things he'll say.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he uses total concentration breathing when he tops you. however, when he suddenly used a form of water breathing on you and you instantly came, he couldn't hide his surprise nor the new wave of lust washing over him. luckily, there were a few more forms he needed to try out.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

hear me out, i often read about him being packing, but i think he's just a bit above the average male. he probably has a decent girth and i would think he's 6,4, but that certainly doesn't ruin the experience. he definitely knows just how to make use of it and how he has to move to make is especially good for you.

furthermore, he has a pretty tip. it has the prettiest shade of pink and often leaks precum. it's your fault, he just feels so needy when you're there.

there is a vein popping out on the side of his shaft. it's long and you can feel it when he's plunged deep inside you. another one is located on the back of his dick, it's smaller than the other vein.

his cock has a slight curve upwards, which he honestly didn't even noticed until you told him during a blowjob once. now he can't unsee it and gets red every time he thinks about it a bit too much.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

i imagine him to have a pretty modest sex drive. from a scale of 1 to 10 it would probably be a 7. however, since he is portrayed as a rather lonely person, he fully neglected that aspect of his life for a long time. as a result, his sex drive basically feels non-existent to him, though it still is there.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It really depends on how he's feeling right now. if he's rather affectionate, he'll stay up and either talk with you or watch you sleep. if he's had a long day and his eyes threaten to fall shut any moment, he'll fall asleep as soon as he's sure you're going to be fine.

[gale-in-space]

Alright, I'm feeling open and uninhibited for no particular reason, so I'm gonna go for it. What the hell.

I highly suspect that I have npd, or narcissistic personality disorder to the uninitiated. Or at the very least, I feel like I definitely have traits of it.

I think a lot of people don't really understand what npd is. I didn't, for sure. I think initial gut reactions to npd tend to be ones of disgust and fear mainly, which are often colored by people's impressions that npd is nothing more than the following: 1) excessive self-absorption 2) a massive superiority complex and 3) utter disregard for others.

It's really a lot more complex than that. A lot of this stuff, at least in my experience, stems from trauma. In my case, it's maladaptive thought patterns and behaviors that maybe served me as a kid trying to survive in an abusive household, but no longer benefit me as an adult. These tendencies have even sabotaged a lot of relationships I've tried to build over the years. It's a very isolating experience.

Let me break it down a bit:

Anecdotally speaking, the excessive need for praise and admiration often seen in typical npd profiles appears to be related to a significant lack of such things in the formative years of one's life. Feeling like you're fated for something greater, like you deserve better than these idiots around you, that you're special somehow and if only other people could see that - that's a trauma response. It's like a form of escapism. As a kid, I fervently wished I could be swept off to a magical land where I was the "chosen one" destined to save its denizens. I used fantasy as an avenue for finding meaning for myself. Really, I just wanted to know that I mattered, especially when my family and classmates and teachers made me feel like I didn't.

Npd, at least to me, also comes with tendencies towards debilitating perfectionism. This can manifest in a few ways. Avoiding situations in which failure feels like a certainty is one such example. For me, this would involve dropping out of anything that I wasn't immediately good at, or was awkward in, or made somewhat of a minor embarrassment of myself (by virtue of being new and also, you know, a human who messes up sometimes. Which is what we humans do).

Directly dovetailing from that: A lot of us narcissists deeply fear being perceived or exposed as a failure. It's like our horrible secret, that we're actually worthless creatures that are only ever capable of ruining things, and that we don't actually deserve anyone's precious time. Or at least, that's how it feels for me. And in some way, I feel like that is my unconscious brain's way of being like "hey, if I shrink my self-esteem down a bunch so that I appear very humble and modest, I'll get more affection and praise and compliments insisting that I'm better than I say I am."

And I eat that shit up. It's like fuel for me. The problem is, it's not sustainable.

It's a really tricky thing to balance, and as of yet, I've not come up with a great solution for dealing with it. My self-esteem is devastatingly low, despite my embarrassingly entitled attitude towards receiving compliments. I think another thing that throws a wrench into the works a bit is (if my theory is correct) the fact that growing up with trauma makes happy memories a bit more slippery to hold onto. So any kind of genuine praise I get is almost immediately forgotten, disappearing into a black hole that is desperate to be filled.

I think something that might help is keeping a record of compliments that people give me. Writing them in a journal, keeping them in a document of some sort, etc, etc. People can't always give all-positive feedback all the time. That's just not how feedback works. But for the days when I'm feeling low and like I don't know who I am or why I'm even here, I can refer to my records. I can use this as evidence. And hopefully, this will provide a foundation for me to build a more robust sense of self.

Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. If you've read this far, thanks! And if you haven't, well, you haven't.

Yeah. Anyway. Later!

[pinkd3mon]

I can respect the hater mentality

[autisticlee]

it kind of sucks when all your friends and family, everyone you know, are all pairing off and getting married and havinf families, except you. you're the only one that doesn't have a partner and probably can/will never get one. especially if one around you has time for you anymore, they never reach out, never get back to you, because they're only focused on their partners and families. you're stuck alone and drift away from everyone through no fault of your own. you have no hope of finding your own partner or no motivation to look for one for whatever reason. the lack of connections while seeing everyone around you having their own can get overwhelmingly lonely at times....

[prettyboykatsuki]

arthur morgan is so eldest daughter coded GOD

[bittersweetresilience]

aspec characters on my character list: 73/96 arospec characters on my character list: 46/96 aroaspec characters on my character list if i wasn't repressed about it: 96/96

[thebleedingeffect]

.

[viktortittiforov]

the 2010s sure were a time in my life

[2-kamikou-1]

can nobody see how agonizing this fucking feels

[katyspersonal]

Tbh from my experience, many straight men should really raise their standards from what they want from love/relationship.

Guys - the girl being ‘cute, kind and accepting of your flaws’ is not a mark of her being THE one, honestly. These are like... very basic things. In fact, healthy relationship is not even possible without ‘being nice and accepting’, a partner that would not even allow you to be vulnerable and imperfect and weird isn’t a good one! But shooting for the bare minimum will cause problems, sooner or later.

It is kind of exactly what my toxic EX “loved” me for. Because I was accepting of his ‘weird’ traits and tastes, because I was willing to listen ‘when other just shut him down’ and because I gave him enough space ‘instead of just demanding things’? But yes, within “loving” me not for ME, but for what I could give to him - while being convinced no other person could do the same (bare minimum, I remind you!) - he failed to notice he liked exactly nothing about me as a person. He hated my tastes, my temperament, my lack of experience in “obvious social things”, my own vulnerability, all MY needs and boundaries appeared ‘selfish’ or ‘irrational’ for him, he hated my walls of text, he hated my intensity...

Like, you see the problem? I could not even truly blame him for turning out extremely toxic - when he was convinced that he was ‘stuck’ with a person he could not vibe less with, only because I was ‘the only one to ACCEPT him’, permanently feeling like ‘he never deserved better’... all this bitterness and disappointment in life coulda turned even a decent person into a very toxic one? Even very level-headed ones could turn out such if every day of their life they feel trapped with a person they hate, because it is either this or complete loneliness.

Naturally he resisted breaking up every way he could and I had to leave, and naturally his new partner that he actually likes and connects with he treats way better. Except I did not deserve to suffer because of his ‘desperation’ and lowered standards. Nobody with a similar experience (and there are many) deserved this.

But this is what CAN happen when you guys convince yourself that you are so spectacularly unlikeable and don’t deserve a person you would LIKE (not just ‘find safety with’) and that you should hold onto anyone who gives you BASIC human decency. Maybe I am just extremely rusty on what male gender socialisation does to a mf and there IS, in fact, widespread issue that makes ya’ll believe that a girl ‘just being nice and accepting’ is already a blessing but I felt like I needed to share my piece of the perspective, what I concluded from my experiences and those I was close with. Despair and low self-esteem is not some romantic tender trait. It is a ready recipe to both trap YOURSELF with a person you don’t even truly love and to hurt THIS person.

So honestly, aim for something besides bare minimum of human decency. Check if you feel supportive of her interests and hobbies, check if you are okay with her emotions and the way to look at the world, check if you love to listen to her, whether there are things you love in her that aren’t just “useful”. Being romantically close can’t last on only you finding someone to ‘tolerate’ you.

[i-like-gay-books]

as someone who’s dealt with acid reflux for a just few years shy of half my life now and who has also always had various stomach issues stemming from anxiety and a middle class midwestern diet for even longer, i really wish i’d known sooner about peppermint tea

[musical-chick-13]

Once again wishing I liked the books more.

[aquarian-airhead]

I mean personally I think it's grimly hilarious that one of the animes I watched (and rewatched) at age 12 was Loveless

[snapbackslide]

ranting bc life is annoying me rn lol

[freeasfishes]

My experience music fans on the internet is that Taylor Swift fans don't give a shit if you compare them to My Chemical Romance fans but if you compare My Chemical Romance fans to Taylor Swift fans the My Chemical Romance fans flip out which is annoying. For this reason I'd rather spend time with Taylor Swift fans even though when my mom told me my sister wanted "a Taylor Swift scarf" for Christmas and then sent me this picture I didn't really question it.

I just figured the 16 year old girls were all wearing license plates around their necks for Taylor Swift and was ready to roll with it because no offense Swifties but you are all Bonkers.