#I'm just so grateful to live in a time where such great and creative minds can just

[flawless-peach]

change your life ✨️

feel free to join me in this. I'm going to try to post every day about how I did <3

- get at least 7 consecutive hours of sleep. I've found if I go to sleep and then wake up back for a couple hours and then finish the 8 hours I feel I incredibly unrested. I keep myself accountable by using pokemon sleep which has a great alarm, so I'm looking forward to trying this instead

- read or listen to an audiobook for 30 minutes. literacy is a muscle, and using it is important, but sometimes I can't just sit down and read a book, and audiobooks are great for when I'm cleaning or cooking or folding laundry

- get sun daily. humans are a lot more like plants than you would think and so it is important to get some sun, even when it's a wintery sun that's cold or when it's a blazing furnace. Since I have some mental health issues and am unable to go outside im going to at least open my curtains, and if possible, crack a window to get some fresh air

- start a hobby you can enjoy. this one can be difficult because a lot of things require some sort of financial investment. for me, my hobbies for these six months is going to be writing and annotating books. but being creative is great for the human mind.

- learn to be comfortable alone. honestly this one will be difficult. personally, I live in a studio. privacy is nothing i experience, butthe little moments where you find yourself escaping with TV playing or music pause it and sit with yourself, how else can you learn to love someone if you avoid them 🥰

- meditate daily. this will be something I struggle with so much, but I'm going to try in the mornings since that's my peak time <3 and that's when I plan on doing a yoga flow during the sunrise

- eat healthy nutritious food. I hate cooking and I hate eating. having autism can make these really difficult for me to do, but I'm really really trying. I started the week before last to work on figuring out what snack foods I can prep, and now i just need to work on planning out some meals.

- positive affirmations everyday. I really struggle to have positive self talk because it feels so awkward and uncomfortable because I've been pessimistic for so long, but I want to change that ^^

- reduce screen time. this is going to be specifically targetting mindless scrolling for me. I have a tiktok account that I use for motivation, same with my tumblr account, and I also read on my phone and use my sleep app that I need to keep open at night.

- practice gratitude. my goal is to at night reflect on the day to try and find the good. I already reflect on my days and pick a mood, but I want to create lists of things i am grateful for, especially while I'm in between jobs.

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

Hi! Love your posts. Can you write crush headcanons for each of the turtles, like how they develop it, how they may act around them, and maybe ask them out? Thank you! Hope you have a great day!

TMNT crush headcanons:

Leonardo:

• Leo developes slow but meaningful crushes! He's very careful, and guarded of his feelings similar to Raph, but in his own way. His crush starts with feeling inspired by his person of interest, someone who makes him want to better himself in any way by either observing their passions, talents, and skills, or who encourages his limits to discover his own.

• He's thoughtful but very subtle about his affections towards someone, he doesn't exactly want them to know

• Observant, attentive, and a classic romantic is how he is—that last part, in his fantasies, at least. He dreams about being able to provide everything his crush could want or need, even though he can't always do so due to how they live

• Leo asks his crush out after a series of escalating gestures of love so it doesn't really catch them off guard. Asks them to meet him alone to talk because he has something important to say, and then makes the confession.

• "I know you have to know what I'm going to say, you're nervous, I can tell...I probably shouldn't have been so cryptic when I asked you to meet me in the dojo by yourself." He softens his posture a bit, to seem less tense. He'd lit several dozen candles scattered all over the room, partially for himself while he meditated to calm his mind a little, mostly to create an atmosphere. "You've become a close friend of mine despite everything, you know you're always welcome in our home, right? And you can come whenever." There's an awkward pause—he doesn't know how to continue with what he's saying. "Ah, anyways—I was saying...I enjoy your company, I would be honored to show you some stuff I know, in exchange for some of your time. Only if you'd like." God, he hoped that you would.

Michelangelo:

• Mikey couldn't hide his growing feelings, even if he wanted to. And it didn't take much for him to fall fast and hard for his crush; the attention he got was addictive and he wanted to give it back tenfold! He always wanted to feel wanted and accepted by others, so even though he couldn't have that from the rest of the human world, the fact that he had that from you was more than enough for him. He was grateful.

• He's his crush's biggest fan!! If there were merch, he'd wear it proudly even if it embarrassed you

• Creative and artistic; he painted and redesigned one of his old longboards just for you. It had some of his old pop-art on it, graffiti style, random sketches and doodles, and every sticker he could find. He tried to remember everything you liked to put it on the things he gave you, whether it were poster collages he made for his wall art or putting love onto the bottom of a skateboard. Big gift giver, so expect to get a LOT of stuff from him—even sentimental items he's nostalgic over, even if you feel bad to receive those things from him. He has a lot to give. 😌

• Mikey confesses by accident one day when he doesn't even mean to—he's playing around with you as usual and gets talkative when he's feeling excited, so it just slips out. Mid-play.

• "Ha-hah! That's what I'm taking about, I love you, Y/N!" There's a pause where it has to compute for a second. "Wait, did I just say that out loud?" He's serious for a moment—he can't believe he actually said that. But the next beat, he's back to smiling at you, laughing, maybe trying to deflect the hint of embarrassment he felt (which was rare for Mikey). "Yeah, I did say that out loud, I guess. Whoops...oh—now, tag, you're it!"

Donatello:

• Despite his brains and his intellectual nature, Donnie is an emotional person and actually falls in love almost immediately when he encounters that perfect person. He gets stars in his eyes and runs his own compatibility tests through his mind as he learns more about them, and annoyingly, they're stuck on his mind even when he's trying to work on his experiments and projects.

• Helpful, playful, a little stingy with your time lol—when he wants to spend time with his crush, he wants his brothers away because they take the limelight without thinking sometimes. Always offering to help you with homework or if you need anything fixed around the house, he's volunteering for that. Broken cabinet? Fixed. Wifi isn't working? No problem. Pipes under your sink leaking? He's been fixing up the Lair for years!

• Donnie is not shy. Let's say that rn. He's 👏 confident 👏. He's a little bit of a showoff competing with his brothers to snatch your attention, even if it's just games.

• He asks you if you'll have him on a date one night on your way out of the sewers. He'd been looking for the prime time to hit you with the question and was a little nervous to do it with his peers around, so he dropped the question when you went to leave for the night. "I know you're leaving—and this will only take a minute! But I had something to ask you." He lets you get curious. He holds up the keys to his prized possession, the Shellraiser, that he dreamed about driving you around in. "Ever gone on a joyride through New York in a souped-up garbage truck? No?...do you, maybe, want to do it with me? As a friend thing? Or maybe as more than just...friends?"

Raphael:

• Raph was completely UNready to admit he was getting soft for you. Or ready to commit to feeling the uncomfortable—but tantalizing—feelings you gave him. In honesty, for a good long while, Raph didn't let you know in the slightest he was getting his heart stolen over the course of the months he knew you.

• Very much puts off his crush with his prickly demeanor. But underneath that tough exterior, he's secretly taking every chance he can get to try to impress you in the ways he knows how; if there's any heavy lifting to be done, you bet he's volunteering himself out for that before anyone else can.

• Acts too good for sappy things until the moment his crush is being vulnerable—it disarms him, he's a protector at heart. He wants to be your shield from everything bad in the world, which is a lot.

• Raph plays the long game with his crush hinting over and over again he's in love, with no luck at times. It frustrates him but it's a challenge. He won't be outright and say it; everything he does is subtle, but the second your back is turned, he's making it known he's got your attention just to pull one over on his brothers (in good humor!)

• Makes his crush work with him to get the confession out, low-key. He makes you guess until you finally start to piece everything together. He will not be saying it with his words, but he'll definitely show it.

• "Y/N. C'mere," he says. "What're you still doing here this late, dummy? Already said it's not safe to walk home alone." Silence. "Agh, I did it again. Ignore my crap. But I mean it, stop goin' home alone, you know I told you I'd come too. And if I ain't available then I'm making Mikey go. Hear me? Stop acting like it's a burden or whatever..." He's kicking himself mentally for being unable to say what he actually wants to say. He ruffles your hair roughly to deflect. "See, now ya look silly like you act. Come on, let's go. I like you better safe in one piece than ending up in the back of some guy's van."

I lost all of my TMNT gifs from my old phone 😭 The post feels bare without it, but anyways, this is my first post in over a year so i hope it's good! 🐢🐢🐢🐢

[lackadaisycats]

I love everything of your work, every page is a piece of art, textures, lights, perspective, characters and the script, with perfect balance of hilarious and engaging lore.... It keeps me inspired everyday and gives me the energies to continue my projects. I can't describe the extreme joy your works gives me and I couldn't be more grateful, because it keeps me dreaming and helped me to understand what I want to do in the near future. Thank you so so much \(^ヮ^)/.

I have one question : Do you have any advices for making comics and put them in the world? For some time I had the urge to share my works, but idk what to do :/.

That's exceedingly kind. I'm touched to hear you've enjoyed my work, and if it helped you to understand what creative things you want to do, well, that makes my heart glad. Thanks for sharing that.

Very wordy response to the making and sharing comics question below....

-----------------------

Making comics is a Whole Big Thing as topics go. It's a little difficult to provide salient advice on something so broad. So much of it depends on what you're specifically trying to achieve, and what your preferences are as an individual. Here are a few bulletpoints, though:

-- Make the comic about things you love unabashedly so that it's fun and engaging to work on. It will still be difficult - it's always difficult - but you're more likely to keep doing the work it if you're in love with it.

-- Don't put off starting until you're 'good enough'. Good Enough is a fantasy place, and Perfect is a big lie. You'll never find either and pursuing them easily turns into eternal procrastination. Get started while the fire is burning, because getting good at something happens while you're actually doing the thing, and less so while you're thinking about maybe doing it. Try to be at peace with the idea that your work will be flawed. All art is. That's what makes it interesting.

-- Try to work with your strengths, not against them. Comic making is already immensely challenging. I'd suggest not making it extra impossible by demanding an entire personality change of yourself in order to do it. For example, if you tend to have intense but short-lived interest in things, don't torture yourself by embarking on a project that is going to take years-long, single-minded devotion. Do an anthology of shorter stories instead of a sprawling epic. Do one-off joke comics, or thoughtful vignettes. Or even break up something longer into short bursts of contained chapters.

-- Don't hurt yourself. Eat right, sleep, get a comfortable chair that's good for your back, get out of that chair and move around at intervals. If something starts aching, stop and rest. If it's aching chronically, see a medical professional. Career ending injuries and health troubles for artists are insidious - they creep up all quiet and mundane while you're busy patting yourself on the back for pulling another all-nighter.

-------------------------

About sharing online - also a tricky topic! The internet has changed a lot since I began Lackadaisy. The advice I could give derived from my personal experiences in publishing and audience building is a relic of a bygone era at this point…but here are some more bulletpoints (er, paragraphs) that I think are generally pertinent:

-- If publishing publicly sounds daunting and a bit scary, dip your toes in the water before plunging in. Do a publishing test run. If there's a Discord community you're comfortable with or a social media platform you use where you can post for mutuals only, maybe try that first. Or just share directly with a handful of people and ask them for feedback. When I'm unsure about something I'm preparing to post, I usually run it by some creator friends of mine because I trust them to be honest with me. Even if they have some criticisms, it's often reassuring that I can proceed to show it to others without dying inside.

-- Places with a big, built in audience can be great for getting eyeballs on your work, but it’s a mixed bag. Webtoon is the obvious example right now. Just be wary of anyone showing a little too much interest, or coming at you with paperwork to sign. Don't rush into putting your name on something that 1) commits you to unreasonable amounts of output for barely livable wages 2) relinquishes your ownership of your IP, or grants anyone any license to your work without clearly defined boundaries (like a limited term and agreement-ending conditions) -- Contract agreements warrant lots of consideration. Involve a lawyer of your own if you can. At the very least, have friends or family read over anything you might sign. And if it sounds too good to be true, it is. Scams are unfortunately abundant, so do your research/due diligence on whoever you're in discussions with.

-- Make yourself easy to find. Use social media to your advantage. Don't feel like you have to be in every single place, though. Some platforms might not be a good fit for your work, and some might be too much of a hassle or a mental drain to do battle with. -- Scrape out your own space online if you're able - a personal web page, a little WordPress/ComicPress site, or even just a link hub so that people can relocate your work if they lose track. The point is to avoid putting your eggs all in single basket that you have no control over. You never know when the social network growth you've been nurturing for the past several years will just succumb to a billionaire rampaging around like a sociopathic kaiju in the midst of the world's most public midlife crisis.

-- Don't worry about being an immediate sensation. Seeing people respond to your work is a wonderful and immensely gratifying feeling at times, but be patient if all hear are crickets chirping for a while. Longform storytelling in particular takes time to catch its momentum, and readers take time to get invested. Meteoric rises and virality do happen now and then, but honestly, slow and steady audience buildup is probably the more sustainable and less psychologically bewildering way to experience the fun of sharing your stuff with the world.

-- Consistently put your identifier (name/watermark, URL, copyright info, or all of these things) on everything you post online.

---------------------- I hope something here is useful, and if you decide to start making and publishing comics, I hope you find much success and happiness in it!

[xoxoemynn]

I'm glad you feel at least a teensy bit better after sleeping. I feel pretty out of it. I've had a few weeks of ups and downs that have left me pretty exhausted before this news.

I hope you don't mind me leaving a message here. I've never been part of the fandom community, just outside of it, so I'm not even really feeling the 'at least we still have each other' sentiment. Ofmd helped me revive my creativity after years of not creating anything when I used to do so much. I'm still slower at it than I used to be, but it's a start. It's something.

Ofmd gave me the strength to come out at work, to be myself in most parts of my life rather than just carefully cultivated moments. I've found strength I never knew I had. Ffs I'm doing diversity training information stuff now??

I feels good. Feels great. And I really don't think it was a long shot to think that a successful, critically acclaimed show would get rescued. (I did wonder if making it very clear how valuable it was made HBO have an insane asking price but I hope not)

And I know s2 ended neatly (thank god) but I was so on board with Jenkins' view of "the will-they-won't-they is the least interesting part of a romance". Because you never see the payoff! It's just oh they're together now, the end, and you don't get to experience the characters as a couple. The story was the development of Ed and Stede's relationship, and a 3rd part would have given us the full scope of that.. *sigh

Idk I guess I'm just at a bit of a loss. Feeling empty. I was already struggling posting my work, or thinking how to adjust how I do it, because I don't feel its good enough for this fandom (which in my very limited experience feels very clique-y? If you're not in with the cool kids then no one cares and I'm too old for this!) It's all a bit "what's the point" I guess. I expect it'll pass but aaa, man. Y’know. Rant over, thanks for reading ^^'

The deepest of sighs, the tightest of hugs.

I feel you. Starting work today with swollen eyes and a tired heart. It sucks. This all just really sucks. And yes, I'm so grateful we got the show at all, I'm so grateful for the cast/crew, I'm so grateful for this fandom and the friends I made along the way. But this show, that did EVERYTHING RIGHT, ended before its time. And there's no getting around that just really, really sucks.

You're right, I don't think it was ridiculous to believe our renewal efforts might be successful. Because it SHOULD have been! It was a beautiful show with a passionate fan base that was also viewed very favorably by critics. In any sane world, OFMD's renewal would have been a given. And it's not silly or stupid to hope for good things to happen in a world where so often good things don't. The solution to the world being a shit show isn't to just bow our heads and accept it. It's to keep hope alive because yes, it might turn out different this time! Beautiful things deserve to be cherished, and that's what we did and will continue to do with OFMD. OFMD wasn't canceled due to a lack of love. It was corporate greed, pure and simple, and unfortunately that's a really difficult evil to fight against. But we still gave it our all, and people and the industry took note. That's no small feat.

And the show did so much for all of us! I'm so happy it gave you the strength to come out at work and live more in your authentic self. That's huge! That's the power of good art. And that's something studio heads can never take into account while they plug figures into their calculators and huff and puff about the numbers not being there.

I do hope you'll post your work, and share whatever you feel comfortable sharing. We really are of all skill levels here, and I've found genuine love of the show/its characters > the most technically well-written fic on the planet. I do hear what you say about it feeling cliquey, but for what it's worth, I also think it's very welcoming to newcomers? I realize that sounds like a contradiction. But I do think people have just kind of naturally formed little social circles of their friends and it can feel hard to break into, especially if you're an introvert like me. But I think if you start just getting in people's inboxes or reblogging with tags that show your personality/opinions/whatever, you'll start naturally forming those groups on your own. I'd also really recommend the OFMD Fic Club server if you're trying to get the courage to start posting your own work. It's a really supportive community there of people who've been posting for decades, as well as those who are just beginning to plan their very first fic.

Anyway, this is getting long and rambling so I'll end it here, but please know I'm sending you SO much love. It sucks right now but we'll get through it. And my DMs are open if you ever just want to chat. 💕

[vintagelacerosette]

Valentine's tag game & picrew combo 💖

Tag game by the effervescent Macy @celestialmickey & I was also tagged by @you-are-so-much-better-than-that Deena @suzy-queued Evie @energievie Nosho @creepkinginc Carolie @shinygalaxyperson Paola @mishervellous Vey @look-i-love-u Donna @sleepyfacetoughguy Jay @surviving-maybe Lyds @ardent-fox PLUS the picrew I was also tagged by Leah @whatwouldmickeydo Tina @squidyyy23 Julissa @heymrspatel Harvey @mikhailoisbaby thanksss

Relationship status: Single but dreaming about being in luuurv 💕

Your ultimate OTP: Absolutely Gallavich, they make me awww, they make me cry, combust & make my heart go wild 🥰😫🥵😳💘

Favourite trope: I have to a agree with my good judy Donna @sleepyfacetoughguy I just adore a great AU where I can read my fellas fall in love in every & any situation possible bc their love is transcend

Favourite candy: Ohh one I'm obsessed with rn is Nerds rope I finally got to try some at this candy store that specialises in American candy & ceral (but your butt i also got my lucky charms & cinnamon toast crunch) I've always been jealous of asmrist eating the Nerd ropes hahaha

Favourite flower: Cherry blossoms

A song you love:

A movie you adore: Crush 2022 sweetest movie omg

Red or pink? Pink 🎀💝💟🩷

Breakfast in bed or brunch at a cafe? Brunch definitely

Romantic comedy or angsty drama? Romcom for the feels

and finally, in the spirit of love, leave some kind words for your followers & friends:

I can't say enough how much I cherish having all of you being in my life. When I started on tumblr in 2012 I was a young hopeful wishing to make life long friends here but never ended up panning out. But this fandom & other friends I've made from others is exactly the connection I dreamed of & it's so much better than I imagined bc all of YOU, yes you, are SIMPLY WONDERFUL. I got back my creative spark & drive to bc of all of you with your kindness & encouragement & I will forever be grateful to each & every one of you. I love this little internet space we crafted together, built on love, creativity & brilliant minds. I really feel so damn lucky 🥹 I wanna say thank you so much for allowing me to be your friend & you all mean the world to me. 💝💝💝

❤🩷🧡💛💚💙🩵💜🤎🖤🩶🤍❤🩷🧡💛💚💙

Soooo I got carried away with this super adorable picrew bc it has everything I love & my fave animes of all time cardcaptor sakura, tokyo mew mew & sailor moon. So naturally, I had to make myself in various magical girl forms bc I felt like i deserve to live my fantasy 🥰💖😆

I'll tag these sweetpeas if they wanna play or if you see this feel free to play along darlings 💖 @mrsinistertype @ian-galagher @darthvaders-wife @gallavichgeek @psychicskulldamage @chicanomick @gardenerian @bravemikhailo @good-then-dont @adakechi @xninetiestrendx @clingymickey @sluttymickey @depressedstressedlemonzest @gallawitchxx @tomorrowillmissyou @howlinchickhowl @michellemisfit @shameless-notashamed @mmmichyyy @lalazeewrites @crossmydna @stocious @rereadanon @jomilky @intotheblindinglight @messedwithmandy

[egg-emperor]

I would DEFINITELY fucking care if you stopped posting or deactivated. Bro. You have no clue how much you inspire me. It's hard to put into words, but basically you've helped me become more accepting of myself as a person. You are the ultimate, most unapologetic fuck you to cringe culture and I hope you know how important that is. Especially in this era of young people falling into the exact same cycle of oversanitization as the pearl-clutching Karens that reigned over our freedom of expression of children, the same people we swore we'd never become.

Oh my god ahhigsbvhgsbgkshg that means so much to me!! 💖💕💜💗💜💖💗💜 I'm really happy that my stuff inspires you to be more accepting of yourself, that makes expressing myself and sharing what I create worthwhile. I appreciate that you enjoy it and it's helpful to you. My mind has a way of focusing on the negativity and hate I receive at times but I hope how grateful and happy I am for the good still shows, the positive impact I can have and the support for what I do means the world to me and brings me great joy.

I'm honored to give a big fuck you to cringe culture and those who try to bring us down and turn us into what they want, by existing and expressing myself freely as me and doing what I love. I've always vowed to not let people bring me down and I'm really happy I can set an example with it and inspire. It's no good spending our lives ashamed and repressed just so we can please society and strangers who want to make us into what they want, so they can control us and profit off us following their enforced life script.

It is very sad that we seem to be in a time where people are falling into that trap, changing or repressing themselves and demanding sanitization of the human experience and creativity because puritans, extreme conservatives, bigots, and strict controlling people enforced it through shame, pressure, and violence has made them become what they swore they never would. And they attack those who see it for what it really is and don't want to follow and seem to think it's the right and moral thing to do.

We need to stick together and stand up against those who seek to oppress and repress us by being ourselves and doing what we love! To show them that judging, shaming, and attacking us for who we are isn't going to change, erase, or control us in the ways they want otherwise it will never end. I'm very passionate about fighting for the freedom to be ourselves and live how we want, instead of what others try to push onto us until we lose ourselves. We should follow our true hearts, dreams, and passions always.

If I can help contribute to that in even the smallest of ways through being myself and sharing my passion with the world then I will keep doing so. I'm so happy that it's worthwhile. 😊 This put a huge smile on my face and really cheered me up, thank you so much for your support :') 💜💖

[theatrum-tenebrarum]

An update, academic burnout and how I want to use social media

Hi everyone, long time no see. As some of you already know, I've been going through a lot of personal things, transformative things, weird things. I am currently in the long process of getting my degrees, which has been challenging to say the least. The whole process has now prolonged even more, as my life has had taken a completely different turn the last couple of months. I went through some very tough life events that were full of heavy emotions, but they were also deeply transformative. They marked a culmination of something that had been unraveling in me for a long time, something that began sometime when I was around my 3rd year of University.

That is the time when I reached peak academic burnout. Up until my 3d year of uni, I had been bathing in inspiration each day, as I got to learn about art and human culture and all the things that make me understand existence better and love life better. I was studying hard, my grades were amazing, but physically I was not doing good at all. Very soon my mental health started to decline as well and nothing was the same. My 3rd year of University was the time where I came around and realized that I was pushing myself way above my limits, so naturally my body and mind said no more. I love art, history and folklore with all my heart and I am so grateful for being able to study those topics at such a good University and for having such great experts teach me so many invaluable things. However, studying there was very hard, often unreasonably so, and many things have happened to me there, things that were very unfair, and that is to say the least. I realized I had been pushing myself in order to attain certain ideals and to fulfill certain expectations, which definitely weren't mine. That's the perfect formula to get to burnout, which is exactly what happened to me.

Staying up late in order to memorise each and every term perfectly, having 3 hours of sleep, having health issues in the morning, acing the exam then feeling numb. Rewriting sentences indefinitely just to get them "perfectly right", to create "the best essay/seminar ever" and to create something that's gonna be..different. Rinse and repeat.

This way of functioning translated over to other parts of my life as well, even into my lovely project/blog 'Theatrum Tenebrarum', which is supposed to be a safe space for myself and others. I envisioned Theatrum Tenebrarum as a place for me to share what I have learned, in the most simple and interesting way, to inspire others to look for deeper meaning behind the things we love in popular media, and frankly to just have a space for me to express myself. Without being aware of it, righr away I started to become very meticulous about my words, my sentences, my topics I'd like to write about. This habit of wanting to create "perfect" texts/"perfect" content had engulfed me, and I stopped posting altogether, because that is too much for me, and I don't want the safe online space I created to be another "University course" to me.

So from now on, 'Theatrum Tenebrarum' is going be what it is supposed to be, and that is a safe space for learning, for creativity. A space that celebrates the mystical, as well as the mundane, as they are intertwined. I will still be writing texts about the cool things that inspire me, but they won't be the only thing I post. Since my other passion is video making, I decided to open a YouTube channel where I plan on posting vlog-style videos and sharing the things I learn about. I'd also like to focus a bit more on slow, magical living, mindfulness and journaling, as those were of great help when I was figuring out how to heal from burnout. I'd also like to film about how I commonplace information about the things I learn about, while talking about folklore, art, mysteries, and all of those topics. If that is something you think you'd find interesting, be sure to subscribe to my channel :) (I'm putting the link below). This is my way of stepping into authenticity and sharing the things I want to be sharing, and how I want to be sharing them. Thank you for reading, if you've come this far, and thank you for being here.

My YouTube channel: https://youtube.com/@theatrum_tenebrarum?si=zOv74vojhPbs9dxt

Here are some winter vibes from my hometown, house, local magical fairy hill, and a photo of my visit to one of the most magnificent gothic cathedrals in the world, the Chartres cathedral, that I visited in early spring.

-Heidi (@theatrum-tenebrarum) 🖤

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (732): Tue 19th Mar 2024

Checked out tonight's episode of Hollyoaks (I AM going to start writing about more exciting things than Hollyoaks soon. I promise you I am. Just not today because I was knackered and couldn't be bothered to do fuck all). Right from the start I got a big laugh because during the recap they edited out the visual of Ste actually falling from the roof and just used the sound while focusing on a shot of James looking shocked. The very idea that they saw the original go out and thought that it would be too frightening to go out at 6:30pm was hilarious. Anywho it turns out that Ste didn't die from his fall off a giant building he just broke his lower leg which is bullshit. So Silas nearly died just from Theresa pushing him over but Ste is still alive after falling from the top of a multi storey building? I'm so happy that Warren is leaving soon but knowing my luck they're probably going to have Ste suffer a brain injury which makes him believe that he is Warren and he acts like him from now on. Tonight's episode also saw the introduction of Marie AKA Joel's mother who stole a dress from Mercedes' clothing line and then wore it to The Dog while Mercedes was there leading to a CATFIGHT!. I love that Marie has labelled Merces a tramp and an awful person going purely off her first impression of her but she has no idea she is actually 100% correct. She's inadvertently a great judge of character. Later on she reconnected with Warren and the two made sweet love in the club. I put out the following hypothetical during the scene where they come face to face: Marie: Hello Warren. Long time no see. Do you ever think of me? Warren: When I'm strangling my victims to make myself angrier Tonight was of great significance for me because I gained my 400th follower on Twitter (which is all I've ever wanted). I genuinely never thought when I rejoined Twitter four years ago in order to specifically Tweet stupid bollocks during the show that I would ever gain ONE follower never mind four hundred (though I suppose the fact that I have "Hollyoaks" in my Twitter name has probably helped me a little as it pops up when people are searching for the official Hollyoaks Twitter page). I really love this little community that I've built up for myself that I get to entertain and interact with for half an hour every day. I think it's good for me to have something to commit myself to every day. I also think having this Twitter page is part of the reason why I still watch the show because there was a long stretch where I wasn't watching the show, either due to being too busy with work or just due to the show being in a creative pothole. Having this page has meant that I've felt compelled to tune in so that I can continue to entertain the loyal fellow ans who get a kick out of me making jokes about Mercedes vagina. Remarkably there are two people who have told me that they "live" for my Twitter account as it cheers them up and during my sabbatical last year one of them even @ed me to say that she missed my Tweets which was really flattering. I'm really grateful to all those beautiful bastards who have followed me over the years and I'll endeavor to continue Tweeting for their amusement even when the show is dull as shitwater.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #138

What was the last heavy thing you lifted? By MY unhealthy standards, a small toolbox. I rode with Mom to Nicole's house to fix her sink, and it's what Mom brought along and she needed help carrying things inside (we brought our dog with us, so she had to take her carrier).

Is July an important month for you? My sister Katie was born on the 4th actually, but generally, no. I honestly hate July, it's too fucking hot.

If someone looked inside your mind right now, what would they find? honestly right now they probably wouldn't know what the fuck they're looking at lmfao

Are you good at reading body language? I'm honestly probably hyper-observant of it, to where I see meanings that aren't actually there.

Do you have an anchor tattoo? Would you ever get one? No to both.

What is something that is creepy to you? Facebook/socials stalking people you like came to my mind, idk that's just going too far to me. Like sure if you meet someone you're interested in and want a bit more info, hell, it's probably even safe to check things out once, but digging for miles and checking obsessively just isn't healthy imo.

What do you need right now? I thought about it, but I don't wanna go here right now.

What do you consider to be cruel? Besides the extremely obvious things that basically everyone can agree on, trophy hunting. Like I immediately hate your fucking guts if you go out and murder a living creature going about its peaceful life JUST for the fun of it and to mount their dead heads on your walls and shit. Hunting for food doesn't bother me (like, that deer you killed almost ABSOLUTELY had a better life than the countless livestock forced into nightmarish existences that we accept as "normal"), but even then, I think it should be done solemnly and without gloating, and immense gratefulness for that animal's completely unwilling sacrifice.

Do you love to daydream? Yes, probably to a fault.

What’s your favorite shade of yellow? I'm really not a big fan of yellow, it's one of my least favorite colors, but I guess I'll go with amber, that I do like.

Has anyone told you to calm down recently? lol no, I think the people who know me know that it's not that fucking simple, and I would get legitimately pissed off if someone said this to me as someone with chronic, severe anxiety problems.

When did you last panic? I don't want to talk about this.

Are you currently tired? Yes. I got just about no fucking sleep last night and it really pisses me off because I was going to help Mom with the kids today, especially because Ryder gets really disappointed when I'm not there and I already wasn't last week, but there was no way in hell I was getting up early enough this morning. I just texted my mom at like, 2 AM or some shit telling her to let me sleep.

What helps you get by? My mom, Girt, Mazzy, Tez, Girt's family and to some extent mine, medication, therapy, creative expression, being stubborn.

When did you last wear a mask? It's been a few weeks, most places I go to now have stopped mandating it.

Does it hurt you when others are rude for no reason? Yes, because I'm sensitive as shit.

If you could say anything to your father right now, what would it be? WOW what timing, I just messaged him happy birthday lol but I'd love to tell him that in person.

What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven? Probably around like, 75mph accidentally on the highway.

When did it last rain? Today; it's been going on and off. It was absolutely pouring earlier.

Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Like 6 or so times, but never for physical issues, just mental. I woulda preferred the physical shit.

Has anyone blamed you for something you didn’t do? I don't know if she meant for it to come across as straight-up blame, but it absolutely did: in the message Sara sent me after I cut our friendship off, she decided it was a great idea to phrase herself VERY MUCH SO in a way that makes it sound like she blamed me for almost attempting suicide. Don't get me FUCKING started on this topic, I take exactly 0% fault for shit that she decides to do when it's not like I fucking bullied her or something, but I still think about it sometimes anyway.

How much is gasoline where you are? I haven't been paying attention, but a google search tells me the cheapest right now in my county is $3.27.

How are you doing today? Not great, but way more numb today than I've been the past few.

What is the last song you listened to in a car? It was "Zeig dich" by Rammstein. I'm surprised I remember, I generally don't when surveys ask this, lol.

Do you currently feel calm? No.

Are you good at making new friends? No, I'm too shy. It's easier online, but I still don't like reaching out.

Are there any important things happening this week? Sunday my sisters and I are having lunch with Dad and his wife for his birthday, and I also obviously have PT this week, and I think therapy (thank fucking god) too.

If comfortable answering, have you or would you ever be admitted into a mental hospital? Already said earlier that I have been, but the last part of this question is very inaccurate and misleading; involuntary commitment exists and has happened to me, like you don't GET to choose. You can get a lawyer to shorten your stay, but you're going to the mental hospital anyway.

What’s a color you think is underrated? Uh... I don't really know. OH, maybe green, like nature-y shades? I think green's a less popular color, but the shades that remind you of being outside, like mossy, seafoam, or forest greens, c'mon, they're fantastic.

Would you rather never be sick again or be rich? uh, BE RICH???????? Do you know how much good that would do?????????????

When did you last hear thunder? Today.

What all have you put in the trash today? Uh the lid that seals the top of the meal replacement shakes I drink, but the bottle itself went in the recycling bin, and I also put cans of the flavored water I drink in there.

Do you enjoy blueberry muffins? omg yes, I LOVE these.

What’s something you will never forget? The night of the breakup with Jason.

What’s the most bitter pill you’ve ever taken? Uh I'm just gonna take this literally, in which case I think Lamictal, a med I was on for a long time. It's a big pill and it regularly would hit the roof of my mouth, and on god when that shit happens, you want to DIE afterwards because of the taste it leaves.

What is a popular TV show or movie that you do not like? Years ago, Girt and I watched the original three Star Wars movies, and neither of us got the appeal like, at all. Whatsoever. Unrelated to my opinion of the films but do y'all know how SHOCKED I was to hear Yoda's voice for the first time like THAT WAS NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING

When was the last time you felt like “getting into someone’s pants”? I don't share information like this man anyway literally yesterday

What is your favorite energy drink, if you have a favorite at all? Shockingly, I don't like energy drinks; they're just way too sweet for me, and when a drink is too sweet for ME, that says something.

Would you have kids with the last person you kissed? Maybe someday, idk.

Would you mind living near large predatory animals? Yeah sure, idc. We live in an area where black bears exist, but they are VERY rare to see in this county.

What’s your biggest priority right now? Honestly I kinda think getting a job has officially outrun my attention to improving my mental health. Maybe. Idk. I'm just desperate.

If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? Well, because I was only ever in the ER overnight for suicidal reasons, my options were extremely limited; I was only sometimes allowed a book, and it had to be approved by the staff. Usually I just slept, or tried to anyway, because their beds are ABSOLUTE and utter shit. They really need to give you more options, like the most insane I've ever felt was during those long ER stays where I was just kept in this small room with nothing to do like some neglected animal. It does NOT help your mental state; it only ever made it worse.

Are your hands unsteady? Yeah, I have what's called essential tremors. I feel like they've improved, though, especially the less medicated I am.

Do you think you’re pretty? No. It's insane, I've always thought of myself as ugly, since literal childhood, but where I am now in life, I'd give anything to look like how I did as a teenager again.

Have you ever added someone you don’t know on Facebook? This was accidentally the case with Jason; I thought he was a different Jason that I actually did somewhat know. Y'know I never asked how he ever even found my name + account lol, according to him he just saw me in the school hall one day and was immediately like "yup I need to know her," lol wish you hadn't bro

Who’s the last guy you texted? My dad.

Who do you know that wears the most makeup? Probably my friend Summer, but I want to make it abundantly clear that this should not be seen as a bad thing. She's a very talented cosmetologist and makeup just makes her happy.

Have you ever been tied up? No.

Are you anyone’s first love? I don't know. I used to think that was the case with Sara, but to be honest, I don't think she really romantically loved me.

If you could find one long-lost friend of the past, who would it be? Megan.

Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman? By middle school, we had different teachers for each subject, so.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Girt.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you? I'm certain Jason did and I'm pretty sure Girt has.

Do you prefer boys to shave down there? I prefer that boys/men do whatever the fuck they want with their own body, I literally have no opinion. People who treat body hair like it's disgusting and/or uncleanly are due to grow the fuck up.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? She knows I've done things, but what those "things" are I've never shared. She knows I'm a virgin + why.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? LMAO YES, Girt and I do this so much and were last night too.

Did you lose friends when you started dating someone? No.

When was the last time you went to an ice cream parlor? What kind of ice cream did you get? Oh wow you just unlocked a memory I forgot I had, it woulda been when I visited Sara, I think the last time. Her dad took us and I think her youngest brother to this local place that they love, despite it being fucking freezing lol, but it's never too cold for ice cream. I don't remember what I got, but they had a ginormous amount of options to mix together.

Did you go to school with anyone named Ashley? What was that person like? Well in high school my older sister Ashley was briefly there while I was, and back then she was very independent, studious, ambitious, but also very reclusive; she didn't leave her room a lot and when she did, it was usually to go somewhere. Back then she was also the kind that couldn't leave the house without makeup, and it always broke my heart, like my sister has always been gorgeous. Thankfully she's WAY past that now.

What color is the vehicle that you travel in most often? White.

Do you have any nieces or nephews? When was the last time you saw them? I have a shitload if you include my half-siblings, but I only regularly see Ashley's three kids. I saw them like... two weeks ago? I have a nephew by my brother that I haven't met yet, which sucks. Actually Katie also has a kid or maybe even two that I haven't met. Your family being strewn about all over the country fucking sucks.

Do you know the story of how your grandparents met? No, for neither pair of them.

Do you have a relative or close friend named Peter? When was the last time you saw that person? I actually don't think I know a single Peter.

Have you ever had an ex who wanted to get back together? What did you say to them? Well, I guess Girt. He said yes when I asked him back out, so he was obviously up for it.

[swiftiephobe]

Hello there !!

OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE THE CUTEST CATS !! I have this dream since I was little to get a black cat and name her Sabrina but now I have a dog and I can't really afford looking after another pet so she'll stay just a dream for a little while.

And you're seeing Phoebe ????? I'm so jealous (politely). I'm such a big fan, unfortunately she rarely comes anywhere near my country and I have to see Taylor and Harry first also tickets + accommodations, everything gets very expensive so Phoebe will wait asdfghjkl.

How did it go with your friends in the pub ? I hope you had a good time !!! I understand you're already off work for the holidays ? This sounds great and I am once again jealous (politely) because we work until December 23rd so I have one more day until I can breathe.

I see you're very passionate about the MBTI types. I got my type from 16personalities and according to them I'm an INFP. I still haven't taken the test that you've linked but I will let you know my result as soon as I do !!!! Meanwhile, can you tell me something more about INFPs ? Or give me a link to a website where I can read more, if that's alright with you. Also, what's your MBTI type and what do you like and dislike about it ?

Love,

Secret Santa 🎅

omg sabrina! i love that name for a cat! was it perhaps inspired by sabrina the teenage witch (and the black cat salem from that show)? it's cool that you have a dog though!! my household has always been a cats household, i think my parents do eventually want to get a dog (and i wouldn't mind one too!) but it is a bit complicated when we already have cats haha

and yes i'm going to see phoebe in feb!! i'm super excited. i'm very lucky/grateful that i live in a city where concerts come to, as long as artists tour australia they will almost certainly come to sydney, so i don't have to pay for travel or accommodation which definitely makes a big difference. i'm guessing you're also waiting on taylor to announce international dates!! i'm very much anticipating the announcement but also fearing it because i just know trying to get tickets is going to be so crazy!

thank you, it did go well! and yeah, when i say my "work" i'm actually a phd student, so technically what i do is actually study but it's pretty much my full time job! i never know whether to refer to it as "uni" or "work" because it's not like a typical degree but i'm also not technically employed for what i do so 😅 the university i'm at closes down for two weeks between christmas and new year, so we all get that time off which is really nice! up until i started this year i worked casual in retail for like 6 years so this will be the first christmas eve in that time that i haven't had to work which is refreshing! i hope you get a nice break too!!

ooh yes, the problem with tests like 16personalities is that they're what's known as "dichotomy" tests, where they test for i vs e, s vs n, etc. which kinda oversimplifies it and gives off the impression that people are one or the other, and also leads to some stereotypes (e.g. sensors aren't creative, feelers are overemotional, etc) which just kinda biases people towards/against certain types! i have a link in my pinned post as well which is an intro to the cognitive functions which is (in my opinion) a more in-depth and accurate way to look at mbti! i have an explanation under the cut too because it got a bit long and i don't want to annoy anyone on my dash haha. i see your other ask too so i'll answer that as well so i can tell you more about your potential types!!

basically there are 8 cognitive functions and each type uses 4, probably most importantly every type actually has a mixture of all "categories" of functions - i.e. everyone senses, everyone intuits, everyone feels, everyone thinks, and there are "introverted" and "extroverted" variations on those functions that on a very basic level equates to whether you focus it function internally or externally, and you're stronger at some functions than you are at others. i'm probably not going to be the best at explaining it haha but as an example i'm an istj, so my dominant/first function is introverted sensing (Si) (and my other functions are extroverted thinking Te, introverted feeling Fi and extroverted intuition Ne, in that order). having high Si relates to me having a really good memory, and i trust what i've observed and experienced in the past to guide me in the present (as a comparison, people with extroverted sensing, or Se, are those people that live very in the moment and are really attuned to what is happening around them so are more inclined to spontaneity!). so in that sense i like that i have such a strong memory, and i think overall my functions contribute to me being as reliable as i am, but i'm definitely not as great at being flexible or going with the flow as sometimes i should be! there's definitely different strengths to each of the different types.

it can be a bit complicated to understand when you're first getting into it, especially when considering all the different functions and how they manifest at different positions - like i have Ne as my fourth/inferior function, but a person with Ne as their dominant or auxiliary (first or second) function (xNxP types) will use it very differently/more effectively than i can!! at the end of the day it's all for fun and i don't think it's the be-all-and-end-all of personality but i found that learning more about mbti really helped me understand myself and also appreciate how others approach and understand things differently to me!

[catt-nuevenor]

Hi there! I just wanted to say that I love, love, love your writing style. The world you've created has me completely enthralled! I'm studying creative writing in uni and I was wondering if you had any tips or references, or even reading recommendations really, to help out an aspiring writer. Thank you a bunch, and I'm really looking forward to the next update!

Hi!

So glad you like the story, and I'm completely and utterly thrilled that you like the writing style!

Hmm... recommendations for creative writers...

Alright, let's roll out some tried and true bits of advice, first and foremost;

Any book you enjoy reading has something to teach you about writing, especially if other people like it too (aka it's a broadly popular book).

Something that's really helpful to do is to take a single scene from your favourite book, a moment in the story where the narrative has you absolutely enthralled, and make a case study of that scene. Folks tend to get scared when you use the term 'case study', sounds like I'm setting homework, doesn't it? Try and detach yourself from that way of thinking. Try to frame it more as being a kid and taking apart a remote control car. The aim isn't to bore yourself silly just to satisfy a teacher or an exam board. It's to understand how something works. To satisfy that curiosity over what makes the wheels move, how the car steers, what are the factors that make this more interesting than running the car up and down the living room?

For me, one of my favourite scenes is the Siege of Bolvanger from Northern Lights by Phillip Pulman. It never fails to make my heart quicken when I read that scene. Another is from the Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham, describing the fate of a doctor near the beginning of the book, beware that this scene is a lot darker that the first.

Something I personally like to do is to find documentaries or talks by authors. Often there isn't the space to get into much detail, but you can still pick up a sense of style from what is said, and more importantly how they think about their own work.

Stand out favourites for me are Back in Black with Terry Pratchett and Return to Wolf Hall with Hillary Mantel.

Immerse yourself in their language and their styles, if of course that is the style you want to capture.

Neil Gaiman is also fabulous in talks (and that Terry Pratchett documentary, though prepare for some tears).

Next bit of advice is to go and acquaint yourself with some fabulous videos over on TED-Ed. They have a wonderful playlist called The Writer's Workshop, and it's filled to bursting with great advice and discussions on style and craft. Standouts from the list are How to Write Descriptively - Nalo Hopkinson and How to Build a Fictional World - Kater Messner.

A final bit of writing advice from me personally, not backed up necessarily by far more educated voices, unlike the other points above.

Live the world you write.

That is not the excuse to go freaking out your neighbours just because you happen to be crafting the next blockbusting horror masterpiece. You'll earn yourself no friends, and I am not about to condone community terrorising for the sake of art.

What I mean is give yourself a bit of time, go sit in a quiet room, or park, or maybe your back garden, and let yourself drift away from what surrounds you. Don't force yourself to snap away from reality in one fell swoop, you'll likely only frustrate yourself and make it even harder to escape your own real-world thoughts. Take things slow.

An example from Myrk Mire (and this is a word dump, not any form of organised prose):

Peyton/Peidyn's kitchen. Pan tiles, heat baked in by the red coals in the grate of the range. The warmth rises up and coils between my toes. There's a dusting of coarse flour in the air, it settles on my cheeks, leaving a fine frosting of powder. The table beneath my fingertips is rubbed smooth, yet criss-crossed with a thousand stray strokes of the chopping knife. Fresh bread steams on the side, the pale wisps caught and made white in the shaft of golden sunlight from the high window.

Now, only the last sentence of that described how something actually looks, the rest is all qualities that can be touched and felt. Keep that in mind. Sight is one of many senses, make sure you don't over use it in your writing.

And if you really struggle, and you can't put yourself in your world, it may mean you haven't got enough raw information. Don't despair over it, try and collect it. Don't know what warm pan tiles feel like? Go and find yourself an old house to wander around. If you're in the UK this means go and play nice with English Heritage or the National Trust, trust me they've got plenty of pan tile kitchens. Take a notepad, a camera, and most of all your undivided attention. Don't just write down what you see. Close your eyes and write down what you smell, what you hear, how the air feels against your skin. Take a photograph to accompany your notes, so you can reference them in a visual context. Don't worry about looking odd, or getting funny looks off of others.

We are writers, and we're meant to be eccentric.

Boy! That is quite a long post... Oh well, hope this helped!

[miniscule-meow]

Really enjoying the prompts and I'm glad you have fun with them! Here's another one for if you feel up for it! 16. “Wait, please don’t cry…”

Finally got around to writing this!! Thank you so much for the prompt <3 I wanted to write more with Felix and Charlie, the first story with them can be found here!

*~*~*~*~*

The room shrinks around him. Well actually, he just grows to fill the space. He’s able to reach both sides of the room all too quickly. Much to his dismay, it doesn’t stop there, the walls continue to close in around him. His hands desperately brace against the walls as he tries futilely to ground himself. He knows it’s too much to ask that he would just miraculously shrink back to normal, or even just stop growing for that matter. But there is a chance, albeit a small one, that he can slow the process down a bit. He’s used this space as a hideout before, so even if he grows to his full height, he’s not afraid of bringing the building down. He just won’t be very comfortable for the foreseeable future. 

He shifts, in an attempt to make himself as small as possible, only to bump his head into the ceiling. Gritting his teeth, he curls forward with a groan. He’d press his forehead against the floor, but he can’t quite reach with his current position. He doesn’t dare try to move his limbs to grab his now throbbing head, he might just get himself stuck in a worse position. He has to focus on getting his size under control. Of course, that’s when he hears a sound. A small, unmistakably human gasp. No. No, no, no. He was supposed to be alone here. This old band room hasn’t been used for anything more than a forgotten storage place in years. Why would anyone else be here?

His eyes shoot open to see Charlie below him. He’s almost relieved, because she’s already seen him do this once before, it’s not like it’s something he has to hide from her. However, this relief is short lived when he really looks at her. She’s on her back, looking up at him with wide eyes, and she’s crawling away from him. He realizes that she didn’t get nearly this close to him the last time she saw him like this. And they were outside, so she certainly wasn’t as cornered as she is now. They haven’t even been friends for a month, and now here he is, looming over her, shaking, and growling like the monster everyone says he is. He’s scaring her. This realization breaks his focus. Not only does he fail to slow the shift down, the burning embarrassment and shame only encourages his growth spurt. So much for getting back to normal any time soon.

“Uh…Hey Charlie.” He says awkwardly, as he tries his best to keep his oversized self out of her personal space.

“Hi.” There is an awkward pause where they just stare at each other. “So, I guess this isn’t… This probably isn’t a great time, huh?”

His mouth presses into a flat line. This is absolutely not how this was supposed to go. She probably just thinks he’s a huge, dangerous freak. Which he is, but he didn’t want her to know that. He remembers when she followed him into the woods. She had said that she thought that his shifting ability was cool, like a superpower. Looking at her now, pressed into the floor beneath him, eclipsed by his shadow, he can’t imagine her sharing the same sentiment. The room closes in further, forcing him to shift his position, curling in on himself more just so he can continue fitting in this room. He swears he hears her squeak as his hands close in around her, protectively shielding her from, well, himself. Though, it’s unlikely she would view this gesture the same way. He doesn’t dare touch her. Though, he does wonder if he could safely scoop her into his palm and move her to the exit. Just because he’s stuck here, doesn’t mean that she should have to be. Of course, the key word there is safely. He doesn’t know if he trusts his clumsy digits to be gentle enough.

He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to block out the panic and claustrophobia that’s sparking through his bones. He has to stay calm. For her, if for no other reason. Despite his best efforts, he feels his breaths growing irregular, and his heart flutters sporadically in his chest. He’s been stuck hiding in buildings before, it sucks. This time is even worse, because his only friend gets to have a front row seat to this break down. He grits his teeth, trying unsuccessfully to ward away the tears that burn in his eyes. Thoughts swirl viciously in his mind. ‘You’re going to hurt her. Crush her beneath your clumsy limbs, like the monster you are. Even if she manages to get out of this unscathed, she’s never going to look at you again without seeing some horrifying monster. I mean, you saw her, she’s terrified of you, and she should be. Freak. All you’ve ever been good at is-’

“Hey. Wait, please don’t cry. Felix, it’s okay.” Her voice pierces through his spiraling thoughts. “Look at me.”

He doesn’t want to. If he keeps his eyes screwed shut, he can pretend that none of this is actually happening. If he looks at her, he’ll just be reminded that it’s real. But her voice, calm and steady, repeats.

“Look at me.”

He flinches as he feels her hand press into his palm. His eyes flick open. He’s embarrassed to find that a few tears had fallen, splashing into puddles beside her. He wants nothing more than to just disappear right now. His eyes settle on her. She’s sitting up now, her hand gently stroking a small part of his palm. She basically has to look straight up to see his face.

“Just breathe, you’re okay.”

He has no idea how she’s handling this so well right now. He takes a deep breath and cringes internally as his shaky exhale blows her hair away from her face.

“Gah. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He’s careful to keep his voice down. He doesn’t want to hurt her, not even with his voice.

“Dude, you’re fine. I’d be freaking out so bad if I was you right now. Breathe, you’re good.” He takes a few more uneven inhales and exhales until he’s in a more stable position.

“Are you a shifter too, and you just haven’t told me?” He asks quietly.

“A what?”

“A size shifter?” She just looks at him. “It’s... Like what I’m doing right now? That’s what this is, it’s called shifting.” He can’t believe he never told her what it was called. Though on second thought, he supposes it makes sense.

After she saw him shift for the first time, he expected a bunch of questions about the ability. It’s kind of sad, but at first, he was skeptical that their friendship would be… real? That’s a lot of leverage to hold against someone. He honestly expected her to just parade around all smug knowing how much of a freakshow he is. Like P.T Barnum carting around his entertainers, he wasn’t friends with them, he was using them. However, Felix was quickly proven wrong. It genuinely surprised him to find that mostly when they’re together they just talk about normal people things. Music, movies, hobbies, homework, that kind of stuff. Actually, he doesn’t think they’ve talked about his ability once since that first day. He’s been really grateful for that, because she makes him feel really human when he’s around her. Of course, he doesn’t feel entirely human right now, but this might be a rare exception.

“Oh cool, size shifter. Creative name, I get it. I promise if I had any superpowers, you would know about them.”

“Superpowers, sure.” He scoffs, still not convinced that his ability is anything super, aside from super annoying. Felix hesitates, “Well, have you ever seen someone else do this before?”

“Other than you? No. Why? What’s with the survey?” She looks up at him curiously.

“I just don’t understand how you’re so cool with this right now. Aren’t you scared?”

“I mean,” she pauses, thinking out her response. “I don’t know if I’d really use the word scared. But sure. Maybe I was scared at first. You just looked more scared than I was, so I got over it.” She shrugs, “Besides, I know you. You wouldn’t hurt me.”

“That’s nice of you to say, but accidents happen. I mean, I’m so big. What if I didn’t notice you and-”

“Hey. Hey stop that. You’re just freaking yourself out, dude. I’m okay. You’re okay. We’re both okay. Okay?”

“Okay.” He sighs, quieting his worrying thoughts. She’s right, they’re both fine.

“So, when we get out of this room, do you want to go somewhere for food?” She asks, reclining back against his fingers. The contact threatens to send another wave of anxiety through him. But looking down at her, she looks completely comfortable. He realizes that she must seriously trust him, and that makes him feel really good.

“You say ‘somewhere’ like you’d be willing to consider more options than Panda Express.” He raises an eyebrow. He thinks it would be safe to say she has never suggested eating anywhere else.

“Hmm. What was that? Panda Express you say? That’s a great suggestion. Well since you have your heart set on the Panda, I guess we’ll just have to go there.” She laughs as he rolls his eyes.

“Yeah. Alright.” He grins down at her. As far as he’s concerned, Charlie does have a superpower. It’s making him feel like a normal person, even in the tightest situations.

[cuterocks]

Hi!! I got your ask and I'm not replying to it because I want to keep it in my inbox to re-read!! That was the sweetest message ever!! My goal for translating it was exactly so people could love the novel like I do, to share a part of what I love with everyone else. I'm soooo happy you liked it and that you can keep it for yourself!! Did you also read the Shen San extra??

❤️❤️❤️ it was meant to be sweet, i’m so grateful for creators and especially translators because otherwise i would not have found such a gem like guardian!! i’m so happy you’re mentioning the shen san extra, because i can never shut up about it. i read it i think three times? it really stuck with me.

here’s the thing: i loved guardian because it’s the first time i found something that combines ancient myth and sci fi. shen wei is both a creature made by the gods (in the sense that everything that has purpose in his early life is given to him through his interaction with kunlun, and also the way kunlun gives him pieces of himself is reminiscent of A LOT of religious creation myths), but also a creature that makes himself (just as in sci-fi the robot acquires self awareness through learning). both of those ideas are often metaphors for the human condition, so it’s so strange and great that a single character arrives to humanity but also coming from humanity. i really don’t know how to explain it better. and while reading the book i was slowly nursing this idea in my mind, not really knowing what to make of it, until the shen san extra, and especially the detail of what shen san and wei do with the cottage!

because, shen wei puts little bells at the windows in the cottage, he makes a chess board, he makes a garden where he tends flowers. those are all “useless” things. these are not meant to be eaten, they don’t serve a purpose. this means that he grew, at some point after kunlun’s death. BUT he didn’t grow just because of kunlun’s gifts. and why do i say this? because, when shen san goes to live to the cottage by himself, he plants vegetables, yunlan also plants vegetables in the new sid building garden. vegetable gardening is his thing. but shen wei planted flowers. i don’t know if it’s something that got modified in translation, but i think it’s so very good a detail! it’s so important to me, because with a teeny tiny detail you really get the point on which shen wei’s whole character hinges. that he’s been created, yes, but he also made something very meaningful and very “him” with all of kunlun’s gifts.

i don’t know, i’m a long time fan of the sci-fi subgenre where the creature finds itself. but also i love the atmosphere of an ancient past. it’s so good. it’s really such a good book, and it’s a shame that people don’t wanna give it a chance just because it’s a danmei, the drama “is not good” (i think they did a GREAT job, they completely changed the plot but the characters are still SO THEMSELVES!), some chapters are silly, or even because it’s chinese! i think i’ve never found a character so interesting as shen wei, i literally love him. i adore zhao yunlan with all myself. i’m in love with weilan. it’s such a pure and strong and self sacrifing kind of love, without being sappy. UGHHHH i love guardian!!

also, i don’t know if or when because at this time i’m having health problems, but i’m planning on doing something about the shen san extra, like creatively. i’m brewing ideas, i still don’t know what i’m gonna do. i hope to get to work on it during the summer.

again, thank you thank you thank you about your translation and your art!! it’s beautiful, really. sorry for the ramblings, but i’ll never shut up about sci-fi guardian 🤣 have a very nice day!!

[luvlyrv]

Our Songs | Extra | Wendy x F!Reader SM!AU

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: So happy to say this series is completely finished now!! Enjoy!! I'm moving onto more projects and hopefully can wrap up some one shots I've been working on. This is a different style from what I usually do since it is an extra, warning that the post looks really long because it's in bulleted style lol

Date: 9/1/21

Series Masterlist

after your confession with wendy you were stuck with an enormous burst of energy

you were on cloud nine, a seemingly never-ending high

you decided not to text wendy the day right after

you didn't want her to think you regretted anything but you also didn't want to seem too clingy

also it didn't help that just thinking about her was enough to throw you into cardiac arrest

you didn't receive any notifications from wendy either

it was a bit disappointing, but you assumed she was also trying to take in the shock of it all

trying to take your mind off of wendy you spend an entire day running around your house

you pick up your instruments and have the jam of your life

emotional highs are very good for your creativity it seems

you decide to record some things and save some drafts

who knows if it'll be useful in the future?

you worked till you felt dead tired and like you couldn't have another thought in your brain

even after you spent an entire day trying to exert your nervous and elated energy you were still hesitating on texting wendy when you woke up

but you missed her so much already

so you send a text asking her how she feels

she says she feels okay, and then asks about you

'yeah, i'm okay too'

your conversation was rocky

things weren't going as smooth as before

and it was evident that it was because the both of you had no idea how to behave

you took a deep breath before texting her your question

'so, can i take you on that first date?'

you see a bubble showing that she was texting

and then it disappeared

before showing up again

and disappearing

and- ugh! your heart was racing waiting for her answer

i mean, she liked you back right? so why would she say no?

'yeah, of course! :)'

whew, okay, looked like you almost made a big deal out of nothing

little did you know wendy was freaking out

she was a bit embarrassed at herself, acting as if she was a high school kid in love or something

it took wayyy too much concentration for her to type out something sensible

but she was excited for you to finally ask

you were also excited for her to say yes

your first date is at the downtown center

there was a festival and you were hoping to enjoy all the effort the artisans put into their work with wendy

you're walking with her through the numerous stalls set up

as the both of you admire the beautiful crafts set on display your hand reaches for hers

you feel the pressure of her hand squeezing back and you look at her

she looks at you and giggles

you didn't even realize what you were doing

'oh, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to do that suddenly.' you freak out and let go of her hand

you're worried that she was laughing at you and that she didn't want to hold hands

'it's okay! i thought it was cute'

she reaches out for you and you don't let go this time

instead you enjoy how happy she seems to be sharing this moment with you

and out in public too

later on you both go to the square where there were musicians

the sun was beginning to set, allowing for beautiful lighting and you appreciated songs you've never listened to before

wendy tugs at your arm while still staring at the performers

'i hope we can perform up there someday. together.'

you smile at her as she still looks on

'i think we will.' you assure her

finally night hits and you both call it a day

you walk her to her car and stop her

you kiss her forehead

'so, will there be a second?' you ask with a smile

you feel like you already know the answer

'i think that sounds great.'

life with wendy in it became easy

you guys seldom fought

and even when you did at least one of you would make something for the other

dropping it off at the doorstep and leaving an apology note

and after enough time of cooling down you would always come back to each other, talking out your problems from before

you personally felt like your work improved as well

wendy had become your muse

you sought to create tracks that would impress her

or that would be worthy of having her voice in it

and you felt like it was easier to write lyrics

because every experience with wendy created new feelings

feelings that you could hardly describe sometimes

when you guys decided to finally start working on your second collaboration you busted out the drafts you created long ago

wendy was impressed after sitting down and listening to your drafts

'woah, how many hidden gems do you have on your computer?'

'well, these ones in particular i made on the same day. the day after i confessed to you.'

you're both flustered

because it's easy to tell the kind of state you were in by the songs

wendy takes your hand and kisses it gently as your music continued to play

'you must think of me pretty highly, if the thought of me compelled you to make something so incredible'

you heat up at her cheesiness

'oh stop it.'

the two of you end up choosing a refreshing feeling/sound for the album

'cause you recharge me every time i see you!' she says

when you guys are almost done producing the album, that was when you went on the dinner date with wendy

the one where you guys would finally confess to the world

after recording and uploading the announcement video the both of you decided to turn off your notifications and avoid reading people's reactions

instead you guys opted to spend the rest of the day baking and then watching a movie together

the both of you decided that it would be stressful to engage with your audience right away, and that's why it took a full day for you both to check your phones again

both seulgi and yeri already knew about your relationship but they both flooded you guys with congratulations anyways

they just wanted you to know they were proud of your bravery!

besides them, both of your families already knew and didn't comment much

they'd already stated how they think you're good for each other when you guys had visited together

especially your younger cousin

cause apparently she's a big fan of wendy and is definitely not using you as a way to get close to her idol

and is definitely not bragging about her how cousin is 'super super cool and famous and is dating another famous person and i think they'll be rich someday!!! so get on my nice side!'

you're happy to see that a lot of fans are happy for your relationship

wendy just keeps telling you 'of course they are, who wouldn't for a cute ass couple like us?'

it was at that point that you guys had decided to save up and move into a nice place together

you guys had talked about future plans before

not only that, but you had been practically living together already

between all the dates that lead to seemingly indefinite sleepovers

and the recent collaboration that made you guys be stuck together

it was really you guys living at each other's place weeks at a time

when you guys move in you're grateful

because you get to experience all the little things from her even more

some nights when you're stressed she rubs circles on your back to help you sleep

when you guys shower together she takes her time to carefully wash your hair

it was those deeply intimate moments that made you the happiest

both of your careers were doing really well due to the reception of your second collab and all the media fuss that happened with your dating annoucement

you both still have solo careers and interact with other musicians

but along with moving in, you guys decided to become a duo and consistently create music together

in the morning when you share breakfast you always remind her how good life is and how thankful you are

[takaraphoenix]

Ofc I'm excited for the new chapter phoe, I am so starved for Jason content that even the suggestion that I'm going to get some (esp QUALITY Jason content like urs) makes me unbelievably giddy and I'm fr checking my phone to see when it's gonna be update time in ur timezone 🥺✨

Oh gosh, you're so sweet. Your messages always delight me a lot and since Jason took kind of a backseat today in favor of the build up of the secret reveal, yooou get a small, Jason-focused flash-forward into their future. ;) also because I actually have time to write again fdklghaöklh

--

Sky-blue eyes were large as they quickly flew over the words in front of him. His mouth was in a small oh-shape as he absorbed every little bit of information that was given to him. And then it just ended.

To Be Continued...

No, no, no. That couldn't possibly be! This was too exciting, it couldn't just end like that! His sister next to him made a squealing sound as she also reached the ending. She grabbed the comic book out of his hand and tried turning the page, hoping against hope there would be more.

"No, no, no," she whined frustrated and threw herself back onto the bed.

After a moment, her brother mirrored her. The two groaned and whined until their current babysitter walked in, a frown on his face. He brushed hazel-hair out of his face.

"What's gotten into you lot?"

"The comic ends, uncle Tyson! It just ends! And the next issue won't come out until next month, but it just got really, really exciting!" he heard his sister complain.

"Grace is right! This isn't fair. Cliffhangers are unlawful and inhumane!"

Tyson laughed and approached the bed to sit down between his niece and nephew. "I think I gotta talk to your parents about your definition of unlawful and inhumane, Jacky."

Jackson huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, pout in place and sky-blue eyes dark like a brewing storm. When it darkened in the room and rumbling could be heard from outside, Tyson frowned concerned and cleared his throat.

"You guys do know that you could just... ask your parents, right? They were right there. They know exactly how all of this unfolded," offered Tyson.

He took the comic-book - issue 13 of The Adventures of the New Olympians - and closed it to hold up the cover, where Jason di Angelo was standing heroically in his Blue Lightning uniform, fighting a giant space-octopus. Jackson frowned and turned to look at his sister.

"I dunno", admitted Grace. "Dad is like... dad. Not Blue Lightning. Dad sings bad old boyband songs in the shower and steals daddy's blue cookies and baby-talks to Mrs. O'Leary."

"Yeah. These comics are totally fiction, uncle Tyson", agreed Jackson seriously. "Dad's a total dork, not a superhero! He isn't like daddy and papa."

Tyson huffed a little at that, fond smile on his lips. "He isn't now. But when push comes to shove, he always got our back in a fight. Because he could never bear standing aside if his family gets hurt. Go and ask him about it, mh."

"Tyson? Where are you?", called his wife from somewhere else. "Jason is here to pick up the kids!"

"Ah, your cue, pipsqueaks", Tyson grinned and ruffled both their hair.

Grace quickly grabbed her Wisdom Warrior doll, while Jackson took the comic book, both kids quickly running out the room and downstairs. Grace just lept off a few steps before the end of the stairs, jumping straight into her dad's awaiting arms. Jason was smiling softly, hugging her tightly. Her blonde curls bounced as he whirled her around once.

"Hey there, kids. Had fun with uncle Tyson and auntie Ella?"

"Ye--es", chorused Jackson and Grace.

"Thanks for watching them, guys", Jason turned to offer Tyson and Ella a small, grateful smile. "With Perce and Nico still in Canada about that... maple syrup fuled robot apocalypse... it's been kind of stressful. And then Thabi got into trouble at school and-"

"No need to explain, or to thank us", assured Tyson, patting his brother-in-law on the back. "That's what brothers are for, Jay. We got your back. Besides, we love those two."

With a last smile aimed at the couple, Jason herded the twins out of the house and toward the car. He made sure their seatbelts were fastened before he got in the driver's seat and started the car. In the rear-mirror, he could see the twins whispering with each other, but neither speaking up. He decided against asking, for now. They'd tell him whatever was on their minds when they were ready.

Once at home, both of the kids ran off to their rooms and Jason was so busy with things around the house that he nearly forgot about the kids' strange behavior. That's what they got for having a ridiculously big house and stables, but then again, they did need the grounds to allow their companions enough space to roam free. He'd just finished feeding Tempest and Blackjack when the twins suddenly stood behind him, serious, matching frowns on their faces.

"We have come to the agreement that we should ask you", declared Grace.

A nine-year-old with pigtails had no right to look this serious. Jason smiled a little at that, nodding and waiting for more.

"We know that daddy and papa are superheroes", continued Jackson as the three headed back toward the house. "But you aren't! You're just... dad. Right?"

"Ouch", Jason huffed out a little laugh. "Just dad, huh?"

"I mean, you're normal, like us", corrected Grace with a frown, motioning at the posters at the walls when they entered the living room. "You're only a hero on the big screen! Not in real life!"

The smile on Jason's lips turned more nostalgic. His dorky, dorky husbands had decided to plaster every wall that wasn't filled with family pictures with posters of his movies. Right now, Grace was motioning very decidedly at The Twelve Tasks of Hercules. Hercules was his most popular role, a fictional superhero clearly supposed to be the son of Zeus but never actually name-dropping Zeus in the movie series. Or the spin-off TV show. It had spanned a whole cinematic universe about fictional superheroes after they had introduced Theseus, a water-powered superhero who was a thinly veiled homage to Percy, in one of the movies. Theseus got his own solo-movie, then a sequel and over the years, they had established more and more heroes in this universe. Jason was so incredibly proud of it, not just because he played the hero who started it all, but because he was also creatively involved; he had pitched the character of Theseus.

Sitting down on the couch, he let his eyes wander just a little. A poster of his first big breakout role as Jace Herondale in a TV show adaptation of The Mortal Instruments... naturally, Percy had chosen the poster where Jason posed shirtless, showing off the runes.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?", asked Jason softly.

"I wanna take over granny's bakery", declared Jackson with a puffed-out chest. "I'll learn all of her recipes and become the best baker in all of New York."

"I dunno, dad. I'm nine", huffed Grace with a pointed look. "Maybe I'll become a great fashion designer like auntie Silena! Or a teacher like auntie Annabeth. Or president. Or astronaut. Oh! Or doctor."

"Okay, okay", Jason interrupted her, laughing. "But neither of you wants to become a superhero like your dads?"

The twins exchanged a silent look before shaking their heads and Jackson answered. "No. It looks scary. It looks cool to watch but I'd be super scared."

Jason nodded slowly. "But if Gracie was in danger, like really, really scary danger, what would you do?"

"I'd help her!", exclaimed Jackson immediately, grabbing his sister's hand.

The smile on Jason's lips grew some. "Being a hero is really, really scary and really, really dangerous. And I never-ever wanted to be a hero. I'm not as brave as your dads when it comes to that. But when there is something very big and dangerous that your dads can't handle on their own, I'll put my own fears aside. Because you know what is just... so much scarier than being a hero? It'd be if something happened to your dads. And I couldn't help."

He knew their kids were under no illusions; they knew Nico and Percy led dangerous lives and they knew something could happen to them. Nico had already been hospitalized for a longer period of time a few years ago.

"So when they really need me, I'll be very brave to help them."

"So... So this is really real?", asked Grace softly, holding up the comic-book.

Jason snorted a little at the extremely overdone hero-pose he was striking on the cover. "It's... more or less real. There's some... made-up stuff there, because those who write these comics, they only had the news coverage to go by, they weren't actually there when we met in private and planned and talked. But yes, that happened."

Jackson straightened up at that and took the comic from his sister to open it on the last page, putting it down on Jason's lap and very decidedly pointing at the To Be Continued in the lower corner.

"How's it end!?", asked Jackson eagerly. "We don't wanna wait!"

"Ye--es! Did you save the day? Did you rescue daddy when he got abducted by the alien octopus?", wanted Grace to know, eyes large.

Laughing to himself, Jason leaned back against the couch and opened his arms, both his kids immediately snuggling up to him and eagerly awaiting the story. Jason wasn't the greatest story-teller in the family, Piper was the author, but he did his best to actually tell the story as exciting as possible. He talked and talked for over an hour and by the end of the story, both twins were deep asleep. Asleep on him, not giving him a chance to move from the couch either. Though he was tired too, so he closed his eyes, just for a second.

"I'm de--ead", groaned Percy softly and something shifted.

Jason blinked sleepily, turning his head toward the source of the voice. His face lit up when he saw Percy snuggled up to Grace from behind. When he turned toward his other side, he saw Nico behind Jackson.

"I'm sorry we were both gone, amore", whispered Nico as he leaned over to kiss Jason sweetly. "It was an all-hands-on-deck situation..."

"You don't have to explain", Jason smiled faintly. "You're the leaders of the Olympians. They rely on you. Especially now with all the newbies, they need your guidance."

"Yeah, but we promised you we'd step back some", Percy sighed frustrated.

"You can't control when a weird Canadian wants to start the robot- apocalypse", Jason chuckled amused. "I'm proud of you both. And you have been stepping back a lot."

Percy hummed in agreement, eyes slowly closing as he rested his head on Jason's shoulder. Within moments, he was out cold. So the entire family was going to sleep on the couch today, mh?

"How did your meeting go?", asked Nico, sounding sleepy.

"Good. I mean. Really good. The studio is still so stubbornly thinking that female superheroes won't sell, but we finally pushed through. We got the Helen of Troy spin-off greenlit", replied Jason with a puffed out chest.

Nico smiled at him, kissing his cheek. "Good. I'm proud of you."

And then he yawned and snuggled closer to Jason. It filled Jason with warmth to just sit here, with his husbands and children, in their home. Safe and happy. Yes, he worried for Nico and Percy when they were out there, but he also knew that this was their dream and they loved their job. And ever since the twins had been born, the two really had stepped back, leading from the headquarters and training new heroes, only going out themselves if it was an emergency and the others needed help. Jason couldn't be mad about that, wouldn't want to be either, because he could never resent his husbands for living their dream - they had, after all, always supported Jason and his dream. Even when Jason would be in another country for months filming a movie, they never complained, they took care of the kids and were proudly at his side during the premieres.

"I love you two", whispered Jason, carefully kissing the top of Nico's head on one of his shoulders and the top of Percy's head on the other. "My heroes."