#I'm not blaming anyone in my DMs for this just I've been talking recently about TTOU so it's. like. 'SEE?!'

[nehswritesstuffs]

I really enjoy your TTOU AU. I’m curious if you’re going to continue writing chapters for it. Thanks for your awesome writing!!! 😊

*side-eyes people in my DMs*

Here's the short answer: I plan on it, but cannot give an estimated start date since other varying things are taking priority. In the meantime, know I love you and your support, Greyscale, as it keeps me going.

Long answer under the cut.

The thing about The Thick of UNIT is this: it's very long and very convoluted. At this juncture I need to do a complete read-through, probably do some slight editing to what's already up, take a long look at what I have planned, and then edit that to hell and back as I tighten the story and get it on track again. The main things keeping me from doing this are:

Size: We're talking 225k words thus far by AO3's estimation. That's a lot to go through! And that's just the main story! It's 283.5k words with all the extras!

Time: There's only so much spare time I have available to write, let alone edit this monster.

Writing Resources: This is something a lot of fic writers understand, I think, because it's about what ideas are flowing and when. You have to go where there is flow, or else things will be bad.

My Editor: He's still not done and is even more scattered than me when it comes to this, if you'll believe, and since he and I don't control what the other does...

Real Life: I've been job hunting for a year (exactly; I was let go a year ago today) and I'm engaged, so I've been trying to get house-hunting and wedding planning off the ground (there's a lot of barriers here I won't go into). Plus there's a bunch of normal things that I'd do anyhow involving family and friend groups that take up time. energy, and resources. And I'm a tante now?! Tantes are cool.

Indifference: Now this is admittedly a weird one that deserves explaining. I still love The Thick of UNIT, as well as the parent shows Doctor Who and The Thick of It! They all still hold a special place in my heart. It's just... well... I average single-digit notes on here. I don't have enough reviews on FFN for there to be one per chapter. Most of my comments on AO3 are conversations. Although I'll be one of the first to say that you need to write fic for yourself and don't worry about an audience, I will also admit that it's very difficult to put into practice. I hit a big ol' wall of burnout with TTOU, which is something that can happen to anyone about anything, even stuff they love, and I'm trying to get over that and the indifference it causes. also everything that i've seen of DW post-Twelve is just irritating and i feel so fucking bad for Gatwa and none of that helps any

So... yeah... the double-edged sword with longfics is that they are a lot of time and energy, which I unfortunately do not have a lot of to spare. "But what about those other fics I see you posting?" That's where all my writing resources go, because the ideas are flowing there. It's probably weird to think about since I was almost exclusively writing fic for Doctor Who and The Thick of It for nine years, but what I've been able to churn out lately hits something completely different, deep down in my soul from before I even knew what Doctor Who was, before The Thick of It first aired, and a lot of it is a bit existential in its own way.

"But what am I going to do in the meantime?!" Feel free to check out my bookmarks on AO3, which has a lot of TTOU fic (including some by the lovely @fajrbismuth, whose tumblr url is yes from the fic). That not enough? Maybe, idk, create something of your own. Write some fic, draw art, create a moodboard, do something that channels your love for it. and maybe if you make sure i see it, i can reblog it for everyone here to see. Hell, I don't even care if you do your own Malcolm/Kate stories independent of TTOU. I can't stop you.

Thank you, though, for all your love and support over the past, what eight years of this. It's humbling when I get to see how much people love my writing and it really does make it worth it in the end.

[beemers-hell]

i desperately wanna apologize to you but you would call bullshit and paint me like something evil bitch when in reality, i want the cycle of abuse to end and to ease my mind. i just wanna redeem myself before ending it all.

- you already know who

to everyone else sorry about this, but I've had enough, anyway i was just gonna delete this, just like i deleted the TWO suicide notes you sent me in my ask box a lil bit ago, but a number of my friends DM'd me about what you've been posting on your blog so I can only assume this all came from Nene, also known as @/shugurrsn0w , and for anyone who doesnt know Nene is, well this callout thread will get you acclimated with her REAL quick lmfao:

You are not fucking apologetic at all if you are using s0uless' full REAL name on your blog, you stupid bitch. That kind of information can put them at risk of REAL GENUINE HARM. S0uless made the mistake of using their name as their art handle when they were younger but they have been doing a pretty extensive wipe of that username being online, I know this isn't exactly doxxing because of that but USING IT WHEN THEY'RE CLEARLY NOT WANTING IT TO BE PUBLIC INFORMATION IS SOME PRETTY SCUMMY SHIT, AND CAN BE USED FOR ACTUAL REAL HARM BEING DONE TO HIM YOU JACKASS

Don't come in my ask box hiding behind anonymous acting like you actually feel bad for the shit you did when you are STILL making posts calling me and my husband fucking freaks when you know DAMN WELL we're not. Don't you dare try and act all remorseful and pitiful and like you're some misunderstood fallen angel when you've been doing but helping making our lives a fucking nightmare. You don't get to act like you've done nothing wrong when you have CONSISENTLY VICTIM BLAMED THEM, CLAIMED THEIR TRAUMA WAS FAKE, BEEN RACIST TO ME, MOCKED MY ABUELAS RECENT DEATH, THREATENED HARM ON BOTH OF US, HARASSED AND STALKED US, AND SPREAD ALL THIS INSANE SHIT ABOUT US FOR NO GODDAMN REASON. You don't get to just act like you made some petty mistakes that you can walk off, you have been non stop harassing, stalking, and falsely accusing me and s0uless of being scum of the fucking earth when there is no goddamn evidence that we are and you KNOW there isn't, because we fucking ARENT. Unlike your freak ass, we KNOW what the fuck is right and what is wrong. But that kind of shit gets around to people and makes people start thinking we ARE those freaks that we aren't.

And you should be well aware of how fucking awful that makes a mother fucker feel, you know? Since you wanna keep whining about how "people keep being mean/demonizing you for no reason." What, you don't think people are gonna DM me asking me what the fuck you're talking about in those posts you make? Newsflash dipshit, most people wanna know both party's stories regarding drama that surrounds someone they know. Don't you try to twist this and cry about how I'm some creepy weirdo that's stalking you, you should've thought harder about following someone and then IMMEDIATELY sending them an anonymous ask about me and s0uless, cause that DEFINETLY isn't fucking fishy at all, dumbass. That's how I was alerted to you and your new bullshit. Don't try and act like I'm a freak that keeps tabs on you, I thought you'd drop off the face of the earth after that one callout thread got made on you. You wanna talk about evidence of wrongdoing? Nothing really shows your true colors more than publicly being racist, harassing minors, and consistently AND RECENTLY consuming bestiality porn of minors. Try bouncing back from saying that YOU want to make noncon porn of your favs, or being a whole ass adult saying you wanna fuck a 16 year old character that you KNOW is 16. THATS some REAL freak shit that YOU admitted to your damn self, you don't get to act like me or s0uless are the real freaks when there is REAL AND RECENT EVIDENCE of you doing that shit, you gross fuck.

Leave us the fuck alone, I do not care about your pathetic ass and s0uless sure as shit doesn't either. This has been going on for over a FUCKING YEAR NOW and i dont give a single SHIT about playing nice and being quiet about it anymore. Don't fucking come whining to me and acting like you're remorseful again when you're PULLING THIS SHIT AGAIN. Leave me the fuck alone and I'll leave you the fuck alone. Expect a restraining order dumbass, it was real easy to get your info when you've got it so readily available online! If youre gonna play stupid games, expect to win stupid prizes. Get the fuck off my and my husband's dick and focus on fixing yourself you ghoul. Do some fucking introspection so you can figure out why the fuck people don't like you. And don't come to me threatening suicide again, I don't give a single SHIT about you and I'm sure as FUCK not going to give you any sympathy when you've shown no fucking growth or genuine remorse for all of this. I've thought about killing myself a lot lately too, you're not fucking special.

[arminsumi]

˗ˏˋ꒰ 📖 ꒱ BOOKSTORE BOY

Armin x fem!reader

Chapter index / Chapter Ⅵ

Overview; Armin asks you on a date to the art gallery. Well, actually, he needed the help of an old best friend to make that happen.

Content; fluff, slight angst between Eren x Armin

DM in my askbox to be added to taglists! 💕

For Armin to ask you out from himself he needed an immense surge of courage. Usually he derived that from a pep talk with Connie, but he was on vacation in a foreign country.

So...

"Okay, Eren, you're Y/n and I'm... well, me. Okay? I'll ask you out and you try respond how she would." Armin instructed his friend carefully.

Eren was leaning nonchalantly against the bookshelves. "I don't know a damn thing about this girl, and you want me to imagine how she would respond?"

"Come on, just help me out here." Armin whined. "Please?"

Eren gave an exasperated grunt and reluctantly played along with him. Armin thought it was depressingly funny, how once their souls were intertwined with one another, but disconnected at one of life's unexpected crossroads.

They used to be best friends.

"Y/n, um, so th-there's this art gallery – you've probably been there before, but they've renovated it recently and – and I was thinking – if you're free – " Armin rambled.

Eren interrupted, "Get to the point." he snapped.

"Hey, Y/n wouldn't snap at me like that! She's a patient listener."

"Well I'm not." Eren said bitingly.

Armin tilted his head at the brunette sadly. Eren thinned out his lips regretfully.

"Sorry." he said earnestly.

Armin heaved a sigh to alleviate his chest. He tugged off his white knitted scarf and threw it down, taking a seat on the stack of books. His hand glided through his golden hair, then he rubbed his face, like he was trying to rub the tension out. But the tension was in the atmosphere, not inside him.

"We haven't seen each other in ages, you know." Armin said quietly.

Eren lowered his head in shame and refused to look at him.

A dim midday light filtered in through the bookstore's half-closed shutters.

Armin sat. Eren stood. Armin talked. Eren listened. All the while life and the sound of lunchtime traffic rattled the windows from outside.

It just wasn't like how it used to be between them. Why? Armin had spent countless nights trying to figure out why they drifted apart.

"You were the one that stopped calling me." Eren pointed out.

"Because I don't like using phones." Armin said, folding his arms defensively.

"That's not a good enough excuse." Eren looked at him. If anyone's eyes could rival Armin's in terms of intensity, it was Eren's.

Armin nibbled his lip and nearly cried. "Well, you also moved far away." he stated bitterly.

Such a simple statement upset the whole atmosphere in the vacant bookstore. Armin looked away tearfully, blurred vision catching the CLOSED sign dangling and swaying clumsily in the window outside the front door.

"I wanted to start my life, can you blame me for that?" Eren reasoned defensively. Though he was usually harsh, he tiptoed around Armin's emotions when he saw tears pricking his pretty eyes.

Armin considered his response.

After a short silence, he croaked with a quiet, subtly shaky voice; "No, I can't blame you for that. But I can still be upset by it. I missed you... God, Eren, I had nothing to do here after you left. I was so god damn sad. And then she — like some miracle — walked into my life and changed that. So the least you could do is help me out here... because she means a lot to me."

Eren was looking at the ground while he listened. A stiff silence engulfed the two boys.

"Okay. I've got a plan. I'll make this art gallery date happen for you."

"Thank you." Armin smiled at him. "Really, thank you."

"...since you're too much of a wimp to do it yourself." Eren muttered teasingly under his breath.

"Hey!" Armin giggled a little.

They had a brief moment of banter and teasing. It felt like old times, if only for a fleeting two minutes.

Everything ceased when there was a person tapping at the window of the store's front door.

Peering in from the other side was none other than you, the one who happened to be the sole subject of conversation for the whole morning and early noon.

"Is that her?" Eren quickly asked under his breath as Armin bounced quickly past the cashier desk to the entrance.

It was a stupid question. Of course it was you, because Armin's eyes lit up like a light show.

"Yeah, that's her." Armin smiled at you through the glass pane, and came to open the door.

He wrung it open, the bell chimed, and his face brightened at your presence. That pleasant feeling of seeing the one you love engulfed him from all angles.

You hugged him with a gentle squeeze, and so did he. "How are you! Why is the store open so late? It feels odd." you asked.

Armin's throat stuttered and staggered a small bit before replying, "My grandfather is sick at home, so I'm running the ship for a while."

"And that means the store will open when you've had the appropriate amount of coffees?" Eren mused.

His deep, smooth voice caught your ears. It was just a really good voice, no one can be blamed for being infatuated with it.

"Right." Armin nodded.

His eyes flitted between you and his old best friend. "Uh, Eren, this is Y/n, and Y/n... Eren." he introduced the two of you.

"Oh, that name sounds familiar." you commented.

Eren looked at you in surprise, "Does it?"

"Yeah, I think Armin mentioned you a few times in conversation, but I have bad memory..." you said embarrassedly.

"We grew up together." Eren said simply.

"Oh! That's right, now I remember."

Armin felt a strong jealousy bubbling inside his chest.

It grew and grew, like sharp vines under his chest. It grew stronger the longer you and Eren talked, because honestly? You two hit it off. And in the most peculiar way. Neither you nor Eren felt attraction towards each other, but Armin was convinced that there was a special feeling between you and him.

"I've got to head out." Eren said after the conversation tapered off, preparing to leave the store.

"Oh, where are you headed?" you asked him curiously.

He placed his hand on the doorframe and then, as he spoke his next words, made everything up on the spot.

"Actually... to the art gallery," he looked at Armin, "with my girlfriend – you two wanna make it a double date?" he invited.

You thought that was so friendly of him.

"Absolutely! I'd love to see the art gallery..." you responded enthusiastically. "Of course, but only if Armin is willing. Armin?" you turned to face him.

Armin's jealousy dissipated, a feeling of fondness and thankfulness replaced it.

"I'm willing." he mumbled shyly.

"Why the art gallery?" Eren's girlfriend questioned confusedly, romantically clinging to his arm. "I thought we were going to the countryside? A picnic would have been good... this is a rare sunny day."

They observed an oil painting on the white wall.

"Because Armin wanted to take that girl on a date, but he was too shy to ask her himself." Eren explained in a hushed voice under his breath.

"I didn't know you were cupid." Mikasa teased. Eren shook his head.

You marveled around you.

Something in the atmosphere felt magical. For a long time, you and Armin wandered the corridors alone together, in utter silence. No words were necessary. Especially not when they'd disturb the beauty of the silent paintings staring down at you.

He had no idea how it happened, but he ended up holding your hand. His skin felt soft, a little cool to the touch — your warmth made him fluttery.

You stood in front of a painting with him, admiring it as if through a dream lens.

"I've never been to an art gallery before." you told him.

"Really?"

"I planned to visit this one when I first arrived here, but never seemed to make time for it. You know how it is." you said. "But this is nice." you showed him a pretty smile.

Like so many times before, it seemed like Armin was going to say something. Something big; important, emotional – something that required a lot of courage to say.

"Do you want gelato?" he blurted out. "I'll go get some."

"I – uh, yes, sure." you agreed a bit confusedly. "Gelato sounds lovely."

So Armin disappeared down the corridor and Mikasa too, but she went to the restroom to refresh herself.

You went over to where Eren stood so you wouldn't seem like you were rudely ignoring him, when he so kindly invited you to a double date.

He was observing an oil painting depicting cupid. Something about it really had his attention and you didn't know why. He seemed amused. But you couldn't be sure, because his expressions were enigmatic. Reading them was like reading a foreign language that you only know two words of.

You held small talk with him, until he said something that steered the two of you into a meaningful conversation.

"Actually, Armin wanted to ask you out to the art gallery himself. I didn't even plan to come here today." he admitted.

You gasped on purpose, "You're exposing your best friend like this!"

"We're not best friends anymore." he said.

You dropped your playful attitude a bit, "What happened?" you asked curiously.

"Nothing, just life." Eren shrugged.

And though that was the truth when cut short, you could tell there was a long story behind it. He didn't elaborate, because it would make him get emotional. And you'd anyways have to sit through the first ten chapters of his and Armin's upbringings to understand it in its fullness.

"Oh, I see..." you said.

The conversation trailed off for a moment.

"It took Armin a long time to ask me out." you said. "I visited the bookstore an uncountable amount of times before he finally said hello to me." you laughed reminiscently, "was he always a nervous boy?" you asked Eren curiously.

"Sort of." Eren replied bluntly.

"Sort of? Could you elaborate?" you laughed.

"He's always been doubtful of himself. That's why he's never had a romance before, he never let himself fall in love, because he deemed himself unworthy of having a lover. And, I guess, inadequate to be a lover himself."

You looked at the brunette, he stood tall and straight, still looking at the painting. Past him you caught sight of your favorite blond as he approached the two of you.

Such a cute and soft boy. So gentle and sincere. Anyone can understand those traits about him from a mile away. It's the way he styles his hair. It's the cream-colored cutoff sweater over his white shirt. It's his way of walking. The slight blush that never leaves his face.

"It makes me sad when I learn these things about good-hearted people." you said, "If anyone in this world deserves love, it's Armin."

Eren looked at you contemplatively for a moment. He was thinking about the inflection you used when you said Armin's name. "Sounds like you're in love." he remarked observantly.

"Huh?" you blinked at him. His comment made your cheeks heat up very quickly.

Armin reunited with you and Eren, two hands holding cups of gelato. He had such an awkward yet elegant charm, it was hard to describe. But not even a poet could have described him.

He handed you and Eren gelatos, and talked about how he nearly tripped and dropped them on the stones outside on his way back. In the back of your mind, you were thinking about what Eren had told you.

Viewing Armin there in the art gallery felt dreamy, he had such warmth radiating all around him.

Mikasa returned from the bathroom and held onto Eren tiredly, refusing the gelato at first but nibbling from his cup eventually, and she gradually finished it herself while Eren held it like a cute boyfriend.

Armin was observing how they behaved as a couple. He thought about how badly he wanted to be that close to you, but you and him still had a ways to go.

"We'll get going in a little bit." Eren said.

"Aw, okay." Armin replied. "This was nice. Thanks for inviting us to join..."

"Of course." Eren bobbed his head noddingly, a stray strand of hair slipping out of his sloppy manbun. "We should... do something together sometime again. Just you and me. No offence, ladies."

"None taken." you chuckled.

Armin felt as light as air. Everything that once made him feel heavy in the past was becoming the reason for his weightlessness.

You and Armin still planned to stay at the art gallery a little longer. As Armin said, "The paintings have a demanding beauty, we have to look at them one more time."

While Eren and Mikasa were leaving, you accidentally called Armin Loverboy in front of them.

Eren looked teasingly at Armin. "Loverboy?" he questioned with raised brows, a smirk

Armin went pink in the face, oh, really pink. It was especially noticeable because of the palette of his appearance; the white and soft brown of his clothes, the honey blond of his hair, the ocean blue of his eyes.

"You embarrassed meee!"

"Sorry... Loverboy."

He giggled. You perched yourself on the bench in the middle of the wide corridor, stretching your arms out to balance as you walked along it.

White walls displayed a stretch of impossibly beautiful artworks, contrasting to the antique heartpine flooring.

A statue of Aphrodite stood at the end of the T-junction corridor, posed with ethereal beauty; she almost felt alive. You half-expected her to start running the comb through her hair.

But the only living souls in the art gallery were you and Armin; intertwined completely, undisturbed in an envelope of your love.

When you and him stopped to admire the statue, it felt as if the goddess of love was smiling down at the two of you, uttering wordless blessings upon your romance.

"Hey, dance with me, Loverboy." you said, encouragingly tugging the fabric of his sleeve.

He looked at you like he's never looked at anyone in his life, with eyes blazing like the stars in Van Gogh's masterpiece.

"C'mon."

You offered your hands to him. He timidly took them.

And so there you and him were, haphazardly dancing down the corridors of an empty art gallery during closing hours.

Giggling, stumbling, twirling, talking, exchanging an intimacy —a connection — that can't be described, only felt or imagined by the most imaginative mind.

At the closing of the day, while you and him were waiting on the bench at the bus stop, Armin leaned over and scribbled a poem on a napkin.

Though you kept naggingly asking him what the poem was about, he blushed and refused to say.

"Have patience, love." he said, and kept writing.

You loved watching him writing. He was so simply beautiful when he was in his element. Scratching lines out, rewriting them, contemplatively pausing; you observed him like an artwork.

"But the bus is here." you said when you heard it rounding the corner.

Armin's blue eyes blinked up at the approaching bus. The brakes sighed as it came to a rolling stop, the navy blue color inspiring the final words of Armin's poem.

"Alright." Armin hopped to his feet very suddenly.

He looked so happy. No, he radiated happiness.

"So eager to leave me!" you teased him.

He smiled at you and gave you the napkin with his poem.

"Read it when you get home; I don't want to be embarrassed in front of you right now." he half-joked.

"Okay." you replied in a soft voice. "When... when will we see each other again? I mean, besides at the store."

Armin's heart beat faster.

"We... could..." he began.

He was trying, he really was. The courage was building up inside him, though it faltered and he closed his mouth again.

"We could...?" you encouraged.

"Gimme the napkin back for a moment, please." he said, and took it to write something more on the back of it.

You looked at him curiously.

There was a long moment of silence that was filled with... well, love. Just love. A very pure and sincere love, the type that isn't fully acknowledged yet, and so isn't affected by the expectations of either lover.

"There – ah, the driver is looking impatient." Armin said hurriedly and handed the napkin back to you.

You shared a shy, departing hug with him.

As he boarded the bus, he placed his hand on the bus door frame, and looked back at you.

"Bye." he said.

"Bye, see you." you smiled.

"Mmm, yes." he said and looked at you. "Bye." he said again.

"Goodbye." you giggled.

He just couldn't go.

It was one of those never-ending goodbyes, because neither you nor him really wanted to be apart.

You watched from outside as he weaved through the crowded bus and took a seat.

He waved at you through the window.

The bus rolled back into motion and headed down the street before finally rounding the corner and disappearing.

You walked back to your apartment by foot.

Every movement you made, from sticking the key into your apartment door to pouring a fresh coffee, was done with a dreamy languidness.

When you finally settled down into bed with your beverage, you looked over at your pillow, and thought of when Armin was sat there reading at your side you not long ago. The memory made you smile.

Now alone, you read his letter.

After your eyes reread each line three times over, you wished you could text him. But that boy really didn't like phones, he always lost his own, and never read any messages from anyone. Who knew where his phone was right now, probably besides the pot plant in his grandfather's back garden.

In the art gallery, you experienced his wordless love. At home, you read the words that attempted to summarize his feelings.

The way I feel with you,

Is comparable to,

The navy blue of,

The sparkling sea I saw long ago.

On the back, there was his additional note. It was scribbled very hastily.

Spring is close, why don't we have a picnic by the lake? I know the trail to take =)

🏷️; @sad-darksoul / @ringsofsaturnnnn / @underthetree845 / @oliviaissocool1 / @crisalidaseason / @koriinsan

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

I'm not sure you need people to announce that they're just here for fun? it's tumblr...surely that can be assumed?

i dunno sometimes it seems like when you say this stuff it's a bit of a straw man argument because I don't really see anyone on here taking this stuff that seriously. we are not larries! no one is claiming Paul's kids are fake or anything lmao. yes people like to look at the history but again it's tumblr, it's just for fun.

maybe there is a whole other delusional side to beatles tumblr that i am not seeing, but i think maybe if people are getting mad when you argue with their dumb little posts it's just cause they think that you, in fact, DO want to spoil the party!

I have been waiting for someone to make this joke ever since I got that url. Have had to make it myself often <3

1. "we are not larries" is an incredibly low bar.

2. the specific contents of theories isn't the only thing that makes them conspiratorial. it's about the way they're argued.

3. Actually, I am thinking of One Specific Event from about a year and a half ago that was treated as people "spoiling the party" when in fact it was an example of good faith engagement with a seriously worded discussion post.* Maybe you missed that, and it's not like it's a super common occurrence. But in hindsight, I don't find it surprising given the climate here.

*I can provide more details on this specific thing in DMs if someone is curious. I don't wanna hash it out on main, especially since I was only peripherally involved.

4. This isn't about whether tumblr is your space to have fandom fun – I do assume that. It's about whether someone is making arguments in jest or if they mean them seriously. Both of these things might be fun to someone (but maybe I could have worded that point better in the original tags).

5. No, no fake kids, and this fandom isn't plagued by a central figure who's to blame for all the "bad stuff". Plus, it's "decentralized", so no singular entity is controlling some super specific narrative. This definitely keeps the space in check. That's part of it though: it's all very sociological, which makes my issue difficult to address because most single posts aren't a problem in of themselves, but there's a tangible vibe to the whole thing. That's also why I want to tread lightly here; I know a lot of it is a joke, but it's hard to tell what isn't. Like, yeah, I've been passive-aggressive lately, but I've also been watching this for a long time. And I regularly see things I perceive as a strawman against my position as well as absolutist rhetoric, which reads just as much as picking a fight as any of my recent posts do. If you talk about there only being "one explanation" for something, what is that, other than putting forward your theory as true? Is it really Not Serious? Every time? Even when the post is presented in a serious way, with sources and evidence? People on this site talk about what they expect Mark Lewisohn to include in his Definitely Trying To Be Serious And Factful biography series. Those demands are never serious? And I don't want to just ruin people's fun for no reason! But I also have a hard time dismissing every single thing that Sounds Kind Of Serious as Probably A Joke (and I do do it, pretty regularly) And I semi-often see people doing things that set off my alarm bells, even when they are not proclaiming Stella McCartney to be a lifelong actress. (reminder that several people on here freaked about the For Paul tapes story being semi-debunked last November; like actively scorned people who were trying to figure out how that story came about and where it originated. That's not normal, sorry to say! And, funnily enough, about a year ago, there was a blog on here pushing a very very very esotheric version of McLennon [and even trying to monetize it] and while most people dismissed them for the kook they were, they splashed onto the tumblr scene in an identical way [saying something that amounted to: "how dare you imply this apocryphal Paul McCartney quote might be fake?"] –––– so my question is: is it not that serious? I Don't Know You Tell Me!)

6. This is @ me mostly, I guess. I just feel like this space has become more and more of a monoculture. Shipping is the default angle with which everything is approached. If John and Paul write songs that are maybe not about each other that's not often seen as worth diving into. (See: Beautiful Boy tinhatting). I actually want to try and change this; get more diverse content on this site, but I guess I assume it's not welcome, which is on me, really. I have slides explaining my specific reading of Double Fantasy (yes, seriously) and there isn't really much stopping me from posting them, outside the fact that most people on here seem to have a very different relationship to the songs from the album than I do, so I assume they won't care. But y'know, I'll try to just Make More Content and see what that does. (For the record I know that sounds whiny. And I do seriously want to do better on that front)

[mishkakagehishka]

You shouldn't have ended your friendship with Lolthia based on suspicions, you could have asked them about it. Gatekeeper harassed them so I don't know why they'd have done it. All they wanted was friends and you didn't defend them once. They apologised for the sui messages and emphasized they just wanted som friends and a space to talk about Eden so they could cope. They were literally getting abused irl. Now they're dead. It's horrible and I'm sorry but I believe you're indirectly responsible as is anyone who blocked and outed them from the fandom. They were such a sweet person too and it was their birthday soon, it's so sad that everyone is making fun of their death now and saying they deserved it </3

1) i can choose to be friends with whoever i want to be for whatever reason i want to or don't want to

2) why is it my responsibility to defend them (and also i DID defend them for the longest while, that's why i felt so betrayed, but you don't care about how others feel, do you? It's all just you you you)

3) you can apologise, but nobody is obligated to accept that apology and forgive you, especially if you hurt people with your actions.

4) sorry to be blunt, but people can block whoever they want to for whatever reason. I can block someone just bc their theme is too neon for my liking. I can block someone just because they post (in my opinion) unfunny memes too often in a tag i follow. The only people who should be blamed for someone's suicide are those who encouraged it (which was not me and most people who blocked and moved on) but at the end of the day, it's only one person who does the act. Stop guilt-tripping people.

5) i'm not one of the people saying they "deserved it" or "making fun" lolthia hasn't been online in a month on here from what i've seen, and in less than 24h on twitter. I'm curious how you got this info, anyway. They didn't post anything ab suicide recently, did they dm you? You didn't talk them out of it? Sounds like someone else is to blame🤔

[by-kilian]

hey kw! i saw you were doing an ask game so here i am! i hope you’re doing well and life is treating you good. i still need to catch up on STH i’m slackinggggg but life is beating my ass. trust i’ll do it soon i actually have some time off coming up so i’ll be in your dms crying about levi and kilian look forward to that 😫😂 OKAY now for the game i chose 🌻💎🎀! i’m looking forward to your answers!

Hi my heart! You know you're welcome in my inbox anytime, it does NOT have to be when I have an ask game circulating 🥺❤️❤️. I am doing much better and life is being a lot kinder to me now, but I am so sorry to hear it's been hard for you. As for STH, don't even worry about catching up. Like I told a friend today, you still have your own life to live! The story will be there when you're ready for it. Plus with how long I take to write these days, that is doubly true LMFAO.

I'll answer your questions under the cut meanwhile, and thank you for entertaining it!

🌻 What makes you want to give up on writing? What makes you keep going?

This is a really good question. I think the only thing that makes me want to give up on writing lately is lack of genuine community and interaction. I don't mean this way other people may typically mean it either. I think you all know how I feel about comments, kudos, likes, reblogs, etc.--they're lovely but they are bonuses to me in regards to writing. I don't need those things to stay motivated and I will never tell readers how they need to interact with my stories, nor will I ever demand that they do XYZ in order for their love to be valid.

However, I have noticed recently that everybody's interactions with fics has dipped down within the last year, not just on tumblr but on AO3 too. A lot of people just like things and move on and that's it and nothing else. You're always tossing your works out into the ether when you write and post, but it doesn't necessarily feel great to see people sifting through your works and clearly liking them but they never drop a thanks or mention anything else about the work otherwise. It kind of makes you feel like a content machine and you're like "oh, okay, thank you! 🧍🏻‍♀️" to nothing or no one in particular because you don't get anything else from that kind of interaction.

This isn't fandom specific either, it's across the board. I think fandom/fanfic landscape and how people interact within fandoms across the board has changed a lot because people do not commune anymore. We all got into this because we share a common interest, but these days everyone just kind of keeps to themselves and I truly wish we all wore our hearts on our sleeves a bit more. I get both sides of it! But fandoms are about community, and community means nothing if we're all isolated. It used to be a lot more of a give and take between readers and authors where people could thoughtfully engage in conversations, and these days I don't really see that as much as before. I'm sure there are various (many very valid) reasons as to why, but I think what I'm saying is I miss the sense of community. It's no one's fault either so I don't want to make it seem like I'm blaming anyone in particular. I think it's just the way things are these days because fandom culture itself has changed and it makes me a bit sad is all. It's definitely one of the reasons why I often think about and talk about retiring from writing.

But on a positive note, what does keep me going is my personal love for writing, and then moments like this, no Kelly Clarkson! When I recognize frequent names and realize there are some readers who I've spoken to for years that are still speaking to me now, it brings me a lot of joy. Those connections are so lovely, and I value it a lot. ❤️ Those two things are what keeps me going.

💎 Why is writing important to you?

Writing is important to me because I love the art of writing. I love everything about literature and telling stories. I think there is such a beauty to it. Everyone has a story to tell and be told. That is why it's important to me.

🎀 Give yourself a compliment about your own writing

I'm really good at creating memorable, immersive moments that you take with you even when you're done with the story.

On an end note, I really am sending you all my love and hoping things look up for you soon. Lots of love and hugs. Thanks so much for being you, always! :3

[blackbozo]

TW: Vent Post.

Hey so uhm.. This is a vent post so if you don't wanna see that, keep scrolling.

I don't really know where to really.. begin with this. But basically, I'm just tired.

I feel tired, I feel dead inside most of the time when I'm alone. I feel like a husk. I'm so tired of going to school, where I get bullied pretty much all the time.

It's not that I hate my school. The teachers are nice, my friends are nice but.. it doesn't really do much.

Most of my school year so far has been just filled with being bullied.

At this point, most days there's only one thing that keeps me going. Not my friends or family, but someone very, very special to me.

And.. it's gotten really bad lately, this "relationship" I have with this person. I love him so, so damn much. Late September I confessed my feelings to him.

He doesn't feel the same.

And I haven't really.. accepted that. I've been.. really creepy. I do things to him I don't do to anyone else.. I say things to him that I don't say to anyone else.

And I'm scared, for him. I'm scared he'll get so tired of me and my bullshit that he'll block me. And I honestly wouldn't know what to do with myself.

I've developed extremely terrible attachment issues to this person. We met on Wattpad and just talked. I didn't see his face, he didn't see mind. We bonded over fictional crushes and fan-fiction.. and it was great and fine and normal.. Except I wasn't normal. I liked him back then.. a lot.

But then he disappeared. For 10 months.

10. Months. I suffered without him.

The whole reason I'm making this post is so I don't really say this to him, cause I don't want him to feel bad, or hate me. He left unwillingly.

He wrote smut and his parents found out and they grounded him.

But I thought he left because of me. That I was too creepy, too weird, too clingy. I thought he died. And.. I thought I was gonna move on, but nope. Early September he came back, and said he had moved to tumblr, here.

That's the whole reason I made this account, to talk to him.

To be friends again.

And it's been fine. We've been roleplaying a lot in our dms, but we always did what I wanted, which he got upset over because it wasn't fair. I didn't blame him.

But.. I thought he hated me. I thought he was gonna block me.

Some nights I would cry when he'd go offline for the night, others I'd just do something else.

But that night, I selfharmed. It was the third time I had over him. Not because I was mad at him, I was mad at myself.

I still feel like I deserved it, like it should've done something really bad, but I didn't.

I'm not okay without him, and I won't be okay without him.

Some days in the middle of school I think how he could just.. die. And I'd have no idea. He could just poof and be gone forever.

I still cry about that thought sometimes.

It doesn't help with my dad fucking sucking.

He makes me miserable. I get he's a single dad with anger issues, but he's not even trying to stop sometimes.

He smokes marijuana, which isn't terrible, but it's extremely illegal in our state.

My mom's alive, but she can't take care of me. I have a half brother and half sister, both of which are older than me.

They recently got evicted and I'm still worried about them.

And I feel unwanted by her. and by my siblings. I've tried so many damn times to just hangout and talk.

Y'know, be a family despite their situation.

I'm not asking for money either by the way, it's just what's going on.

I feel like a damn screw up all the time, like my entire family hates me. My friends hate me. My whole school hates me.

I hate myself.

I hate being alive, I hate everything and everyone, I just never say anything, because one, they'd yell at me, and two they'd be hurt. Because my feelings are invalid until I say something about them that's negative.

And I also live with my grandma. I love her, but she's been fucking driving me insane. I've had to help her with pretty much everything lately, and I get screamed at and called an asshole if I don't drop everything to help her in the next 10 seconds. And then she goes to her room and cries and I always have to apologize, even if I didn't even do anything.

And there's another thing.

I feel like I can't do a single damn thing without being judged.

Who I like, what I like, whatever.

What I eat, how I sleep, the stuff I watch.

The things I enjoy.

It's all judged and frowned apon by fucking everyone. They say they like me, but they don't fucking show it.

I'm so damn done being a people pleaser for everyone, but then if I'm not everyone hates me.

I can't control anything either. I know I'm still a child but I'm almost 13. My dad treats me like my input doesn't matter at all.

He's been trying to convince me to move out, when we don't have to.

He just wants to get away from my grandma, which is fair sometimes, but it's still mean.

He makes me feel like I don't matter, like I'm not a person. He's told me that basically my input doesn't matter cause I'm a child.

I'm so damn tired of everything and everyone.

I'm tired.

[intheclowncar]

Colleen Ballinger's recent video script with the nonsense removed!

anything crossed out is either nonsense that had to be left in for it to make any sense, is nonsense but wouldn't be fair to remove it or just straight up didn't happen,, like her "taking accountability" I didn't change the wording of any of her sentences and the original script was found on reddit so if there are any mistakes don't blame me D:

"Hi. It's been a while since you saw my face. I haven't been doing so great, so I took a little break. A lot of people are saying some things about me that aren't true, misinformation.

one-way ticket to manipulation station. Harass me for my past. Rumours look like facts

I've been wanting to come online and talk to you about a few things, even though my team has strongly advised me not to.

Today I only want to talk about the facts 

Many years ago I used to message my fans, but not in a creepy way like a lot of you are trying to suggest, it was more of a loser kind of way but I was just trying to be besties with everybody. it was weird.

I've been sharing my life online for over 15 years I've poured my heart out to you and because of that I feel like I'm talking to my friends but in the beginning of my career I didn't really understand that maybe there should be some boundaries.

There were times in the DMS when I would share details of my life, which was really weird of me. I haven't done for in years, because I changed my behaviour and I took accountability.

fueled with hateful accusations. Steamrolling all over someone's reputation

In all seriousness, I do think it's really important to hold people accountable for their mistakes you know we should hope that everyone can learn from their mistakes and grow and change their behaviour and be a better person. This is something that I've always tried to do when I make mistakes. It's something that I will continue to try to do...

your goal is to ruin the life of the person you despise while you dramatize your lies and monetize their demise

I know you wanted me to say that I was 100% in the wrong. Well I'm not gonna take that route of admitting to lies and rumors that you made up for clout.

your Weapon Is your fingers on the keys. you can hide behind a screen 

Miranda Sings, she's PG-13 it says that on my website and it's always been that way and that's why you won't find my videos on the YouTube kids app anyway. I didn't realize it was my responsibility to decide what was appropriate for every kid to see. I've always relied on parents to decide if they're comfortable, with their families watching my YouTube videos or coming to my live shows.

Have I made some jokes in poor taste? yes. Have I made lots of dumb mistakes? yes.

am I sad that there are some fans who feel betrayed? yes.

Was my intention to manipulate? No.

I'm not a groomer. (im just a loser) who didn't understand I shouldn't respond to fans and I'm not a predator, So even though I know this video won't change anyone's mind about me I still felt it was important to come on here and defend myself a little and take accountability. And I also wanted to say that to anyone out there who has ever supported me, in any capacity, I really really appreciate you. thank you.

For what it's worth, I never had any bad intentions but I do feel like shit.

Sometimes people make a mistake..But what do I know? Fuck me, right?"

AND THATS IT,,, THATS THE WHOLE SCRIPT,,, THATS ALL SHE SAID

[waiting4inspiration]

Hi, sorry for disturbing you, but I needed some comforting words coming from someone I trust.

I am a shy and introverted girl, I'm 23y and these recently couple of years I started going out more and socializing more. Although I've been dealing with my depression, I'm a lot better now with medication and therapy.

The thing is, I'm interested in a guy, and maybe he likes me too, but it is something very new, and we are just beginning to talk to each other, we saw each other in 2 occasions we talked in 1 and recently we talked about pets on Instagram dm.

But, for me, a 23y girl that have never been kissed and with anxiety, there are times that I'm feeling down and insecurities start to show up, so because I'm not sure something will happen between me and this guy my mind keeps telling me that if it doesn't happen now then I'm never going to find someone again, so I start blaming myself for being so old and never been kissed before and that I'm less than other people because of this, but another part of me know that I've been through a lot of struggles and I made incredible progress in myself and that my age and never being kissed is anyone business but mine and that everyone has their time and doesn't matter what others will think about me.

These 2 parts of me keep fighting in my head and I just needed someone outside of it to reassure me that one of these parts are not wrong.

Sorry for the big text and if my English is confuse, It's not my first language 😖

Hi darling. No need to apologize for anything, for disturbing me or for the big text and your English is great!

I don't think you need to worry about things like this at all. Like you said, it is new with this guy you like so I would say don't stress about whether or not you've been kissed and if you haven't then it's never going to happen. Focus on building your relationship with him, getting to know him, and you'll find that if things are meant to be they will just fall into place.

And you 23 years old. You're still young, darling. Even though it doesn't feel like it (trust me, I know, I feel like I'm 5 years older than what I actually am due to trauma and shit like that) never being kissed is not something you should worry about. Everyone is different and everyone blossoms at their own time. Please don't judge yourself because you're not like other people, but be happy because you are unique.

And trust me, a first kiss is not all it's cracked up to be😂

Like you said, you've come a long way on your personal journey and that's something you should be immensely proud of. And it really isn't anyone's business if you haven't been kissed yet. If they have anything to say, give them the middle finger.

Just carry on doing you. Self care is so important and should come first. Everything else will fall into place, trust me.

-Jess xx

[faerociousbeast]

uh hi i've been getting a lot of uh. naruto fans following me recently (which hey nice to have you here!) so given how wild the fandom can get i suppose i should.. lay down some ground opinions?? or something?? i'm not really interested in actually arguing any of the discourse, but if you wanna befriend me by bullshitting at other people in dms or something i am very down.

i'm on episode 295 of s/hippuden. spoilers past that preferably avoid, idc about b/oruto though that we can slander whenever. i know nothing about it yet but anti naruto ending so hard

fuck h/iruzen so bad he is less than nothing to me.

disliking h/inata is a massive understatement i can NOT stand her

s/akura i do like sometimes though. she did have other traits that showed up that i can appreciate. uhh and s/akuino rights

s/asunaru, i do get mad at them a lot but it's in a /lh way i promise

anti n/aruhina s/asusaku n/arusaku etc i dont like most of the canon pairings 😭😭 ask me for what i do like though iyw

i am a n/aruto and s/asuke apologist thank you

i/tachi is like... sure? obviously massacre is not good but i do feel bad for him sometimes. k/onoha's shit. if this blog ever seems to become an intense apologist for him though. it's not me it's dei

i do not like j/iraiya nope. o/rochimaru is entertaining occasionally. d/anzo nope trying to remember who else exists oh yeah i hate the elders i forget their names but they are SO annoying

my faves... i like kiba, neji, and kimimaro the most but there are a LOOOOT more obviously :) i like pretty much everyone to some degree other than. h/inata. and the obvious other ones i mentioned

this got... long whoops, much more so than anticipated, so i don't fault anyone if you don't read this 💀💀 but tbh just ask. i dont blame you if you unfollow. again i dont tend to talk ab my opinions much but if you're civil ab it and just genuinely curious i'll talk a bit

[cackled0g]

Okay, so this is something I didn't really want to address because I'm past this point in my life, but unfortunately I've been getting some traction on old posts lately.

I no longer wish to associate myself with the tr@nsandrophobia community or any communities similar to it who have a different name (transm1sandry, androm1sia, etc).

My thoughts on the bigotry towards trans men and transmasculine people are many, and too long to post here, but suffice it to say that I do believe trans men are impacted by transphobia and that, in some cases, this transphobia--while it may also be leveraged against other groups--is sometimes of a variety specifically aimed at trans men and transmasculine people. I think that some points brought up by those in the aforementioned groups are good, but I am disturbed by the level of transmisogyny I have seen in these spaces as well. There is no excuse for transmisogyny, and there is no excuse for ignoring it. I deeply apologize for anyone who may have been hurt by anything I posted related to these groups previously, and I apologize again that the only thing I can offer up is a commitment to doing better in the future.

For those within these communities that continue to follow me: look around yourself and ask yourself if you are truly acting in good faith. Ask yourself if you are truly entirely comfortable with the things some of the people around you are saying. Ask yourself if you have sought opinions from people outside of the group. I would also kindly ask that this post is no screenshotted (screenshat?) and shared around. I do not wish to hurt anyone with this, and this post is not an indictment of everyone who follows these groups. I am not seeking to blame the existence of transmisogyny on trans men or transmasculine people, and I am not implying that trans men have "male privilege" in any real sense of the word. This, and I say this with my entire chest, is not about trans men or their very real suffering at the hands of bigots.

If you are a part of these groups, don't hesistate to send an ask or something and talk to me. Feel free to keep it on anon. As long as people are civil, I'll keep anon asks on. At this time, I am deleting some of my old posts about this topic, and I will not be posting more.

As an aside to people who are incredibly anti-these groups, I would like to make a statement. My mind was not changed by anon hate or by fights in comments sections, nor was it changed by being publicly tagged on a large blocklist with other trans men and mascs. My mind was changed by seeing factual evidence and processing in my own time. Consider how the impact of outgroups of angry people sending violent messages to a group of gender minoroties may make them less and not more likely to seek out opposing views. I humbly suggest that you think twice before sending something hateful.

I don't have much more to say. This isn't a discourse blog. I haven't interacted with this community for over a year. I just want newcomers here to know where I stand on this issue, as a few older posts of mine with harmful opinions have seen recent activity. Be kind to each other, and question what you are told by strangers.

Once again, my asks and dms are open. If I have any mutuals or followers left from these days, feel free to talk to me, though I fear I don't have much more interesting things to say.

[grpcquickfessions]

Write up that post I would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions. I have been in that same situation and yes I did just go inactive. It wasn’t the right thing to do but I was so crippled by anxiety because when I tried to talk to an admin I got told exactly what that Anon was saying. First they tried to use the, “well it’s slow right now” excuse, but I pointed out there had been 45 new posts on the dash that day alone and as a new player I was getting no interactions despite responding to all recent starters. Then they used the “close group who have been writing together forever” excuse. Then finally indicated that my starter just wasn’t good or something people would respond to. It hurt my feelings so badly and I was so embarrassed I couldn’t bring myself to tell them I wanted to leave, so I just fizzled out. Everyone in this community wants to blame players, or say it’s “just a dead community” but no one wants to take a hard look at themselves.

TW; Long Post.

TL;DR: Everyone needs to pay more attention, be more open to listening and giving out warnings and be more kind!

P.S. - I will probably never talk this much again, so I apologize. I just had a lot to say and if you disagree, that's totally fine! Nothing I say is fact or should be taken as such. We should all respect each other's opinions and experiences! :)

As a former admin and a player, I've seen both sides of this argument. As an admin, my experience (I can not stress enough that this is my experience with this situation) with players coming to me about lack of interactions were sometimes players who didn't try plotting or interacting with anyone outside of the ship they wanted.

I once had a player continuously complain to me because she couldn't fathom why she wasn't making connections in the way she wanted to make connections, totally disregarding other player's requests/wants and being incredibly presumptuous in-character (I later found out that she just wanted the entire rp to center around her which -- ha, tough cookie).

I also had another player bully another member cause she wanted a particular ship. She left when she didn't get said ship, citing that no one wanted to interact with her character when in reality she refused to forge relationships with anyone outside of that particular ship (I found out about the bullying after the fact).

Needless to say, as a former admin, I always encourage people to take a long hard look at themselves, how they're interacting, if they're open to new ships (both platonic and romantic), and what kind of effort they're making. Anytime I'm in a situation where I feel like the odd man out, I examine myself first and foremost.

H O W E V E R ...

Also as a former admin and player, if you see a player actively trying, actively reaching out to people (though, granted this is a hard one unless you reach out to all your members and say "hey did xyz message you to plot? lol), constantly being active on the dash, giving out the best replies they can, kind in the ooc, and just generally doing what any average roleplayer is doing but is being ignored and your response is that the rp is "already established" then (and excuse my french) just close off the fucking roleplay to new members.

"Already established" is such a shit excuse. As an admin, you absolutely should be fostering an environment that's nothing short of welcoming both IC and OOC. I get it -- you can't make people interact but at the very least, you should be encouraging it if you notice a rise in bubble rping or a member being ignored and handing out repercussions if the situation isn't improving.

When I was more active, I was quick to hop into people's inboxes, DMs, what have you and say, "Hey, wanna plot?" "Hey, wanna make a connection with these two?" "Hey, if this player is down, wanna do this cool friendship/squad/love triangle/enemies/etc?"

And honestly, I've realized, 90% of the time, some groups don't even realize they're doing it. Because sometimes, it's genuinely not intentional.

One of the last few groups I was in was filled with the sweetest people I ever had the pleasure of rping with. They were super nice and everyone was interested in forging some sort of connection with my character. However, these connections were, for lack of a better word, dry. Because the group was established and everyone had already made any prominent connections, no one was really interested in doing anything outside of "casual friends." Which is fine! I love plotting friendships but when you have the same connection with every single character, it gets ... boring. And bored I was. And that boredom turned into annoyance and that annoyance turned into frustration and eventually, I just left.

Or another time, everyone was half-lovely IC but OOC? I was ignored. I'd say something and they skip right on by in the OOC chat. I left -- expeditiously.

I listed some suggestions here originally and I genuinely wish I had more to give but if you're an admin, please pay attention to your players. Please watch interactions closely after a complaint. Do not be afraid to make a post on the main letting members know you've noticed a lack in interactions and that it needs to be fixed. Don't be afraid to reach out to members who are bubble roleplaying privately and letting them know that it isn't okay. Be the example! And please don't be afraid to just make a private group for you and your friends. I've been in several groups where it was apparent that the admin and friends just wanted a background audience for their IC drama.

Also, only sort of relevant, but I wished more people were into chemistry as well as plotting. So much of rping today is premeditating connections instead of sometimes letting chemistry dictate the relationship. I think doing/having both is important and can lead to a lot more fun (plus, chemistry helped me meet my best friend!).

And like I said before, sometimes leaving is the best option. But, don't be afraid to let the admin know why you left (without being rude or passive-aggressive, of course).

As always, I'm open to more advice, more opinions and more thoughts.

At the end of the day, role-playing is for fun. Fun should never stress you out (unless you happen to be plankton and you've got a sea sponge who won't stop singing about it).