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rassvetsky · 2 years

Note

would literally lose my fucking mind if you wrote carmy like touch starved, idk maybe everyone is staying after to celebrate something and he’s dragging you into his office to eat you out with absolutely zero shame because he needs it so bad

your wish is my lifelong quest i love you, hope i did it at least some justice loml

Carry You Away With Me

carmen "carmy" berzatto x fem!reader

He looked sheepish for a moment, lips curling into a grin for another split second before returning to his natural expression, eyes finding yours and locking you into his gaze. "Do you think anyone would notice if I took you elsewhere right now?"

[4k] | chef ill be honest with you this is just porn, needy!carmy (he's fucking adorable), office sex if that's even a term, established relationship, cunningulus, unprotected sex, cum-play. my apologies to the church

reblog and/or like for a kiss, feedback much appreciated! not proofread.

It was around 11 when you returned to the restaurant with a bottle of champagne cradled in your arms, watching as Gary and Tina pushed a few tables together to make a bigger one for the rest. Eating together wasn't a rare occurrence, but it often only happened an hour before service in the morning— dinners were mostly had at home or skipped altogether, depending on the importance one put into their health. But tonight called for an after-hours get-together, one that Sydney and Marcus pushed for when Ebraheim showed up in the morning with the latest issue of Gastronomica, featuring a very familiar name this time around— Carmen Berzatto.

"You know— I bet you can like, make it to a Vogue issue sometime later on, too."

"That's not exactly food-related."

"I'm just saying, dream high and—"

The few clinks of a spoon against the glass cut Fak right off and Carmen made a mental note to thank god for that later on, his gaze lifting from the long, full table that everyone was surrounding to the source of the sound; the now-empty champagne glass that Richie held.

"Can we all take a moment to stop stuffing our faces with this whatever-the-fuck it is to congratulate my cousin right here?" he spoke up, bringing a smile to your lips as you reached for Carmen's hand from under the table and muttered out "chou à la crème", another dish that Marcus had been experimenting with lately. A short chuckle left Carmen's lips when he vaguely heard what you said, and he gave your hand a firm, appreciative squeeze before rubbing his thumb along the back of your palm. "Gastronomica isn't just any magazine. I think it's supposed to be one of the good ones, like—"

"—the Vogue of food!"

"Maybe! Who knows, anyway— really, I'm proud of this mess of a man and you all should be, too." and maybe this was the most affection that Richie could whip out in public, but it was more than enough— because despite his hate for having the spotlight directly on him, Carmen was currently busy offering a smile to Richie, which the other reciprocated shortly before sitting back down, his quiet little hum of affection drowned out by the mutterings of 'cheers' along with the clink of everyone's glasses.

Proud was an understatement for this little dysfunctional found-family.

But you knew Carmen, you knew that he'd much rather skip on the compliments and pats to the shoulder; and you were way too sure that he'd need a moment to himself sooner or later. That moment came almost fifteen minutes after, when everyone split themselves into a few groups of completely different conversations, scooped up chocolate sauce and cream and small pieces of the delicate pastry got left behind on the empty plates— you felt Carmy's fingers wrapping around your upper thigh, concealed by the dimmed out lights and the table.

"S'up?" you returned your attention to him upon feeling his fingers tapping along to some nonexistent rhythm on your clothed skin, not too invested in the story Richie was busy telling everybody with the loudest voice he could muster to begin with.

"Elsewhere?"

"Not too far, jus' my office. For a couple of minutes at most." he leaned in closer to your ear just so you could hear him over the 2012's pop playlist Manny whipped out earlier, a completely mesmerizing turn of events when he started singing along to a random Katy Perry song— but that leaning closer action proved Carmen to be just another self-saboteur because he was feeling specifically out of place all day and to feel your perfume so close was a pull with a force out of this world. He couldn't pull back away then, couldn't return to his own chair and you had no choice but to push him away manually. "I promise."

"Any ulterior motives I should be aware of?" you grinned, letting your fingers curl right over his own on your thigh— and making a mental note to ease him into the habit of using hand moisturizers regularly sometime, upon the roughed up feel of his skin.

"You wound me, baby." his expression seemed to linger over offense, but his eyes told a completely different story; and before you knew it, he was pushing his chair back to get up, patting Gary's shoulder on his way to the back of house, a momentary turn of his head just so he could silently tell you to follow with his eyes.

And that, you did, despite the raised eyebrows of Richie's that you met along the way.

The kitchen smelled like a different kind of citrus, one that only belonged in dishwashing detergents as you maneuvered through the stations, cleaned up from the day's worth of filth. From your peripheral vision, you noticed Carmen reaching behind to undo the strings of his navy apron, leaving out the top string that he'd have to pull over his head until you could catch up and he could get to the office. His shirt was, again, as pristine as ever and it was a work of magic how he managed to come back home with a perfectly clean white t-shirt each day, if not for a few little drops here and there.

Finally, he pushed open the door of his office for you and you stepped in, finding your way to his desk in the darkness to flip the switch of the small light that illuminated the paperwork mostly. When your eyes found him again, the apron was long gone— tucked away in a corner, folded, although not so neatly. "Happy now?"

Instead of a reply, he just plopped down on the old, squeaky chair by the desk, thighs spread and arms wide open to make space for you. You took the offer right away, seating yourself on one of his thighs but still balancing yourself on your feet too, in order to not just dump your whole body weight on him and potentially numb out his leg. He couldn't care less, as he wrapped himself around you tightly and pulled you closer. "I don't really give a shit about Gastronomica."

"I figured," you mumbled against the material of his shirt, lungs filling in with a scent that only he could carry— a surprisingly pleasant mix of cigarettes, sweat, and gravy. It belonged to him, at least. "When's the last time you gave a shit about anyone's opinion outside of here, anyway?"

A soft hum left his lips, one that feigned agreement— but he wasn't paying much attention to what you've been saying to begin with, mind all muddied with specific moments in time that included you. Come to think of it, he'd been like this all day, even when Richie jokingly smacked him across the face with the magazine or when Tina elbowed him while he was trying to explain why she had to strain the mixture twice to get a flowing consistency— on the back of his mind, there was always you; always the lack of time he got to spend with you when the rush hour got too much to bear and he couldn't bring himself to lift an arm when he came back home to you.

When was the last time he properly touched you, took his time to memorize all the little ridges and beauty spots across your body, he couldn't remember.

So as you spoke, listing out all the reasons why he should be proud of himself for all the accomplishments, Carmen's arm curled around your waist and his fingers found your thighs again, the warmth of his palm seeping through the material of your leggings and from the way they teased upwards, you knew where this was going. "... that you managed to turn— are you not listening?"

His smile was so smug that you wanted to either kiss, or slap him. "Not really. But go on."

"Carmy, if you actually think that I'll do anything non-churchy with you here while everyone's literally twenty feet away, you're so wrong." you breathed out, because that's all you could do when his lips ghosted over the side of yours, before trailing down to where your jawline met your neck. He only hummed as a reply, clearly not giving a shit about your opinion either at that moment— but to say that you weren't enjoying the attention would be a blatant lie.

His fingertips traced the seams outlining your underwear through the extra layer of fabric while his lips latched to your neck, finally, with his warm breath hitting against the sensitive skin and the usual wet nature of his kisses leaving behind a glistening spot of adoration. You leaned into it, rather shamelessly— legs parting and fingers carding through the locks on the nape of his neck, and that only encouraged him further, causing him to whisper out a curse and a few sloppy words of praise. "Just let me, hm? Please?"

The sense of desperation in his tone was enough to push back any words of disagreement that you could blurt out at that moment. You knew you had to power through, it would be so embarrassing and disrespectful to let him have his way with you right here, while everyone else was still at the FOH— but the way his palm covered your clothed core and his fingertips teased the slight outline of your slit, all while his pretty lips were oh so busy whispering absolute filth in your ear was slowly taking away all the care you had in the world. "Carm— not a good idea."

"You weren't saying that last week, right here," two weeks ago, to be exact, but you couldn't blame him for not being able to tell time apart. "Had to cover your mouth and all, s'loud for me—"

"You're getting carried away." you chuckled, the deepest of breaths still not enough for the capacity of your lungs as you tugged on his locks slightly, prying him off of your skin just so you could get a look at him.

"Let me carry you away with me. Please, fuck— I can't think of anything else when you're on my mind." he pulled away a little from your neck, eyes of pristine skies staring right at your soul with the expression of a kicked puppy— he knew exactly how to get his way when he was miserable like that. His fingers were still against your heat, expecting permission. "Ten minutes only, just let me touch you."

You could recognize that tone, that incurability way too well— it was often reserved for nights shared between hushed whispers of promises, where he was too needy to form a single thought and all he could do was to cover your body with his and curl onto you, to feel your warmth against himself and to be one body and one soul for an hour. Uncommon in nature, even rarer to take place in a room that he reserved for professional affairs only— but the heart wants what it wants.

To his surprise, you suddenly pushed your lips against his— letting his fever take over you as well, with your hands clutching onto his shoulders and hair. You could hear the slight groan escaping his lips when his fingers breached under the tight waistband of your leggings, pushing the material down slightly with the bend of his wrist before turning his hand a little to tug it all downwards, urging you up on your feet. You got up from where you were seated, now standing between his legs with your back bent just so your lips would be on his, but he broke the kiss with a smile that took over when he finally pulled down both articles of clothing at the same time. Your back straightened when he managed to push them both down to your ankles, your hands on his shoulders to help with your balance as you stepped out of them, feeling his moist lips over your abdomen for a second before he pushed you backwards slightly, towards the desk.

He took that momentary advantage to get up on his feet and pin you right in between his own body and the desk, hands blindly pushing the loose folders to the side. You felt too exposed when his palms gripped the underside of your thighs just to prop you up on the desk, lips finding and panting against yours, a clear indication of his need seeping through the way he tugged and nibbled before his tongue found its way to caress yours.

There was nothing nice about it, but you couldn't bring yourself to care— not when he whispered your name against the plush of your lips so sweetly when your fist closed around his hair, not when he didn't even know what to do with his hands; grabbing, fondling at every inch of your skin that he could reach shakily. He pulled you flush against his body, letting you get a feel of the harsh dark denim against your bare center and you had to bite into his lower lip to stay quiet, ultimately earning a groan from him when his hands slipped under your shirt.

"Bear," you whispered out, his lips chasing yours when you pulled away to speak— which made you chuckle quietly, as he looked at you again. "Ten minutes."

"Ten minutes," he parroted, the usually wide eyes of his now hooded, pupils blown out as if he was looking right at the sun. When you reached in to kiss him again, you couldn't catch him fast enough— he was already holding onto your thighs to crouch down, looking up at you with a Cheshire grin when you spread your legs a little further apart, a force of habit.

Leaning back on your palms against the desk as much as the cramped space could allow, you took a deep breath— but it wasn't enough to prepare you for what came next when his tongue trailed a bold line across your slit, spreading your folds apart gently. It was a pleasant routine, one that you never quite got used to; because when he was down on his knees with his tongue tracing abstract shapes across your clit in a teasing manner, it was all about you and to think that a guy who often rushed things and went through life at a 2x pace would slow down just to put all of his attention on your pleasure only was more delightful than any compliment one could attain.

Carmen's fingertips were perhaps digging into the skin of your thighs a bit too hard, but could you possibly complain? The tip of his tongue dipped between your folds to spread your essence upwards, a mix of his saliva and your wetness covering your clit when he closed his lips around it and sucked— letting out a blissed groan, one that he'd scold you for if you were the culprit. You could only imagine how hard he must've been at that moment, he was always a sucker for situations like this, with the thrill of doing something so forbidden, right where he could be caught and your taste on his tongue, thighs on either side of his shoulders.

Imagining it didn't help your situation at all, it was hard to focus on one coherent thought when he kept flicking his tongue over your sensitive bundle of nerves but you forced through— with the thought of the blunt tip of his length all flushed and leaking in your palm, curses leaving his soft lips whenever your fingers got a bit too tight around the girth. He liked it when you put your focus there, tip of your tongue tracing the slit and leaving kisses over it while the rest of your palm jerked him off— firm and slow.

And you'd always let your lips stray when he got close, deciding to suddenly bite into the skin of his inner thighs or to lightly trace his perineum with your tongue, just to have him reduced to a writhing, whining mess with not enough air to survive in his lungs. He'd spill onto your fingers and you'd clean him up right away, moving your way upwards with wet little kisses until you reached his lips. And he was one dirty fucker because tasting himself on you when you kissed him all sloppily was probably one of his favorite things in the world.

Drowned out in all the thoughts, you didn't notice how close you were until your thighs were shaking around his shoulders, and he finally added his fingers into the mix then— his middle and ring fingers easily breaching through, grazing all of your sensitive spots from the inside. You had to press your palm against your mouth to not let a sound then, when your climax finally hit you, and you'd probably slide right off the table with how quaky your whole body was at that moment if it wasn't for Carmen's strong grip on your body, holding you right where you belong.

The position was a bit merciless on his legs so far but he made it up to his feet again, giving you a light peck on your lips before his fingers found his mouth, his tongue circling the digits to clean them up as he stared right at you, into your soul. He pulled them out with a slight pop, and licked his lips clean. "How long did we take?"

"I don't know," you panted out. "I was busy imagining the way you come."

His light laughter brought a tender, yet bittersweet ache to your heart. "Fuck, you get off to that?" and you could tell him all about just how beautiful he was, and how much it turned you on to see him blissed out in pleasure— but you didn't know if your lung capacity allowed for it at that moment, as being quiet came with the benefit of holding your breath for longer than you should. "Tell me more."

You giggled against his lips when he braced himself on the desk with his two hands holding onto the edge on both sides of your thighs. Both of your hands moved down to the front of his pants, too fucked out to care about timing as you palmed him through the material just to see that grin on his lips falter. "I'm gonna make you jack off and watch sometime." you mumbled, slowly pulling the zipper down after setting him free from the belt and the button. He hummed, forehead to forehead, before reaching for another little peck.

"As much as I don't see why I should jack off while you're in front of me," he spoke, a sharp intake of breath cutting his line of thought halfway through when your fingers finally wrapped around his cock. "but— shit, if you're into that… Only if you do it w'me, though. I wanna watch too."

"You don't get to watch." you sighed, bringing him closer with your legs to line his length up with your entrance. "You're just gonna sit there and come on your hand like a loser."

Carmen couldn't help the short snort that left him. "Are you even capable of being mean to me?"

"Mm-hm, I'm very mean when I wanna be." and right after that, his tip slid right into your cavern, pulling a deep exhale from both of you when he pushed a bit deeper. His lips found yours, mostly to keep the noises at bay while his hips rolled into yours, grinding against you before retreating a little, only to push in harder this time around.

You felt so full and blessed that you didn't even have to imagine anything to get lost in the feeling.

His pants slid further downwards with each thrust until they pooled around his ankles and your thighs wrapped tighter around his body, trapping him in. His arms were so delicately wrapped around your waist that you had to hold onto him with your whole remaining power to not slide further towards the wall, but he couldn't exactly notice that when he was feeling so damn lucky, whole length wrapped in a warmth beyond his comprehension.

And again, you couldn't blame him, because neither of you managed to notice when the skin slapping against skin got a bit too loud, and your lips pulled away from his just to breathe out the filthiest little nothings, like how much you needed him to fill you right up to the brim. "Fuck, give it to me." your hips met his thrusts half-way through when you pushed yourself against him. "Carmy, come inside me, please."

"Yeah? Are you gonna take it all?" his voice sounded broken, and his fingers would surely leave imprints on your hips with how tight his grip was. "Won't let you waste a drop, baby. I won't."

Somehow, through how feral he was with the way you were begging him, the responsible side came forward and captured your lips in his again— because while his team was full of respectful people, they were also little shits who would never live it down if they heard those beautiful sounds that escaped your lips with each hit of his blunt head against your sweet spot. The thought somehow egged him on further— he couldn't exactly decide if he was too possessive to let anyone hear or if he was possessive enough to make sure everyone knew he belonged to you, but at that moment, both of those thoughts turned him on too much, enough for him to feel his high approaching. And judging by the way your walls cramped down on him tighter with each passing second, you weren't too far behind.

You could feel yourself gushing around him, coating both of you in your essence beyond simple cleaning, but that was a matter to worry about later, not when the love of your life was balls-deep inside of you, his rough grunts right against your ear when he reached to press his lips right below it. "Close?" he mumbled, and even though your mind was too busy to hear and comprehend him properly, you nodded— feeling his arms wrapping around you tighter, pulling you closer to the warmth his body provided. And while as much as you'd like to keep this going for longer, witnessing his pace falter and voice break as he moaned out your name, filling you up in the most delicious way slowly was enough to have your eyes roll to the back of your head in pleasure, and to have the knot finally snap.

Your whole body was buzzing, shaky even when he held you so tight against his chest as if you'd vanish right there and then— something that he always did after sex, no matter the circumstance. You giggled wearily against his shoulder, leaving a few kisses here and there before he pulled away slightly to pull you into a kiss— nothing like the ones you shared in the past minutes, this one was all sweet and loving. "Might drip if I pull out."

"You can't stay there forever, Carm."

"Oh, but I want to." he huffed out but still moved to slowly pull out of you anyway, having you both hiss in sensitivity and just like he thought, his come was ready to spill all over the place. Quick-thinker in nature, he caught his seed with his fingers right before they could go further, pushing them back into you just to hear you gasp— and slap his shoulder playfully.

"You're a fucking freak."

"Shut up— round two at my place? Kinda wanna see where that watching me jerk off fantasy of yours might lead us."

a/n: once again i could be easily manipulated into breaking into your house with a part two, who knows

also @carmensberzattos consider this a marriage proposal

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmen berzatto x y/n #carmen berzatto fic #carmen 'carmy' berzatto #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #carmy the bear #the bear #the bear fanfiction #the bear fic #the bear fx #jeremy allen white #lip gallagher #lip gallagher x reader #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto fluff

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alvojake · 6 months

Text

idek what I was doin here, but enjoy this drabble that I may or may not finish... (I wrote it at like 3am with a major migraine, so I apologize if it's trash ☠️☠️) this also is probably only going to be lightly edited bc my brain hates me, and I feel like I'm about to pass out from tunnel vision

full fic here!!

paring: bf!heeseung x afab!reader genre: angst w/ fluff??? warning: cussing, mental health issues (overthinking), heeseung forgetting y'alls anniversary, lmk if I need to add anything! wc: 1.3k

The rain had started right before you walked up to their front door, drenching you from head to toe seeing as you had no way of protecting yourself. The raindrops covered the tear streaks that had stained your cheeks from the tears that had fallen moments ago. Lighting cracked in the back, muffling the sound of your sobs.

You wanted to knock on the door, you knew that they wouldn’t care, they never did. Hell Jay would probably give you an earful, but you wished you were here on more happy terms. You wished you didn’t have to track down your boyfriend only to find him at his friend's house. He never responded to any of your texts and all of your calls would ring until eventually going to voicemail. It was tearing you apart because you didn’t know what you did wrong, why he would forget such an important day and ignore you on top of it all.

You raised your hand to knock, but there was a hesitation in your movements. You were scared, scared of the rejection, scared of the confrontation, scared to see Heeseung mad at you. There was a little voice in your head that was telling you to just forget about it and that you were sure he just hadn’t seen the date. Telling you to forgive him to keep from arguing because arguments normally led to yelling and you hated yelling.

Just as you were about to turn and walk away from the house, the door swung open. Jake was taken aback seeing you standing there, eyes wide as you looked up at him. He was just as shocked as you were, if not more, because why hadn’t you knocked yet? And why were you just standing in the rain?

“Y/n, what the hell are you doing?” He finally spoke, causing you to jump at the tone of his voice. Was he mad? Did you really do something to cause Heeseung to come running to his friends? You tried to rack your brain for anything that could have happened, but the more you dug, the more it started to hurt your head.

Before you could dwell any further, you felt your body being pulled before you could even register it. You were standing at the entrance of Jake and Jay’s house. Your body shivered at the sudden temperature change, a sneeze threatening to break through.

“Stay here. I’m going to get a towel.” Jake’s voice was softer this time, causing your brows to scrunch together.

Jake could clearly see that something was wrong. You were never this quiet, never so out of it as you were. He was shocked to see you standing on the porch, drenched in water as if you had been standing there for a while. Heeseung had said that you were going to stay home because you had a test you wanted to study for, so why were you here now?

The questions continued to eat at his brain as he walked down the hall, stopping at the entrance of the game room, where they were all huddled.

“Hee, your girl is here,” he said, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder. The silver-haired male looked at Jake, confused. You hadn’t told him you were coming; in fact, he hadn’t heard from you all day. That’s what he thought, at least until he reached for his phone, only to realize that it wasn’t on him.

“Fuck.” He cursed under his breath as he stood from his seat, meeting Jake at the door as he was walking back with a towel which only confused the male further. Jake rolled his eyes before shoving the towel into Heeseung’s chest, annoyance pooling in his eyes.

“She’s drenched, and I'm pretty sure she’s been standing out in the rain.” Jake’s words sent a wave of panic through Heeseung’s body. Why the hell would you just stand in the rain? Or even forget your umbrella?

Grabbing the towel, he walked past Jake towards the front door. As soon as he laid his eyes on you, he knew something was wrong. He, however, pushed that to the side as he wrapped the towel around your body, pulling you close.

“Why the hell were you just standing out there?” Your heart skipped as his voice engulfed you, and your eyes trailed up to meet his.

Heeseung could tell that you had been crying. Your eyes were bloodshot, making the color of your iris stand out. Concern and worry etched themselves into his skin, and his hand came up to cup your face in his palms.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” His voice was softer this time, causing more tears to pull in your eyes, and your bottom lip started to tremble once more.

Heeseung could feel his heart breaking, he hated seeing you like this, wanting nothing more than to make you feel better. He needed to know the source first, though. Needed to know who had hurt his precious baby.

“You’ve been ignoring me.” The way your voice came out so broken and hoarse was enough to completely shatter Heeseung’s heart.

“No, no, baby, I left my phone in the car by accident. I wasn’t ignoring you, I swear.” His reassurance mended your heart a little bit.

Key word: little bit

That still left the underlying issue that he had forgotten about your anniversary. You didn’t wanna speak it into existence in case it started an argument. That was the last thing you wanted right now. Heeseung could tell that there was more than what you were letting on; leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to your forehead, noticing how cold your body was. “Fuck baby, you’re freezing. Come on, I’m sure Jay or Jake have some-”

“It’s our anniversary, Heeseung.” The words tumbled from your lips before you could even stop them. Your hand immediately came up to cover your mouth, and your wide doe eyes looked up at him. Confusion pooled in his eyes; he was sure that it was next week.

“It’s not until next week, though, beautiful.” He sounded so sure of himself that his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

Your breath hitched in your throat, words failing to be spoken, but your eyes did all the talking for you. Heeseung cursed under his breath before pressing a soft kiss on your forehead once more, then making a beeline for the game room. Not even a few seconds later, he was making his way back to you, his jacket in his hand.

You stood still as he pulled the towel off of your body before draping his oversized jacket over your shoulder. His scent instantly fills your senses and brings you some kind of comfort. You weren’t angry; you weren’t even angry, to begin with. No, you were scared. Scared that he knew but just didn’t care. Scared that he had finally grown tired of you. Scared that-

Your thoughts were cut short when Heeseung cupped your face bringing his lips to yours. It was soft, almost a ghost of a kiss, but enough to fill your frigid body with warmth.

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop. Nothing that your brain is telling you is true, baby.” His voice was low enough for only you to hear, and tears brimmed in your eyes once more, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth.

Heeseung knew how easy it was for you to get into your head and start overthinking things. He knew that if he let you continue that you would only start to pick yourself apart, and he’d be damned if he was going to let that happen because of his mistakes.

“Jake, I’m taking your umbrella.” He called down the hall, not even giving the younger boy a chance to protest as he opened the door and ushered him out.

@alvojake | Do not steal, plagiarise, translate, or repost any of my work

𝖉𝖎𝖘𝖈𝖑𝖆𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖗 : ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ɴᴏ ᴡᴀʏ ᴀ ᴛʀᴜᴇ ʀᴇᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴘᴜʀᴇʟʏ ꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ꜱᴇʀɪᴏᴜꜱʟʏ.

#alvojake rant #kpop #enha #enhypen #enhypen jake #sim jaeyun #enha x reader #lee heeseung #heeseung #enhypen heeseung #heeseung enhypen #engene #park jongseong #park sunghoon #heeseung fluff #heeseung angst #heeseung x reader #heeseung imagines

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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AITA for refusing to be a surrogate mother for my ex?

IDK if the phrasing is ok, english is not my first language and I have a headache.

This was years back but I dreamt about it a couple of nights ago so it might still bother me.

My ex(25M) and me(25F) had a 2y relationship, we had known each other since middle school but became close and dated until college.

Those 2 years were nice and lovely, I have many good memories and wish him the best.

The last months were very rough, we were having problems and we weren't communicating, I won't go deeper into that.

I didn't know he was planning to propose because marriage was not talked often or at all for that matter. So, when I cut him off, in person, well it was obviously not nice. We still talked but he was very hurt.

A year or so later he told me he wanted to talk to me in private but I kinda had a feeling so I told him whatever he wanted to say my partner would know because we talk about everything.

He was hesitant but accepted.

He revealed he had been having health issues, doctors told him he had just a few years left. What he had exactly he didn't reveal.

He told me before that, yk, dying, he wanted to have a kid but not with anyone, it had to be me. (!?!?!?)

I was... Shocked and also very worried about him, but also what?

He hurried to clarify he would pay for in-vitro procedures so he was not asking for sex, he would pay and cover any expenses, I did not have to be the kid's parent, actually that it was better if they didn't learn about me at all. Nothing would be asked of me a side from lending my uterus and an ovary.

I have to clarify he was/is very dear to me, so I was not through the initial shock of learning he would die soon.

My reaction was probably a bit intense and fucked up. I asked the following:

Why would you ask to have a kid knowing you'll be gone soon??

What will happen to our kid when you pass?

Who will take care of them?

He told me it was almost all planned, his family would take care of the kid he just wanted to experience paternity and leave "a piece of myself" behind.

I thought it was bogus.

Why make that to a kid?

I understand having a kid is a big cornerstone for lots of people but if you know your life is ending why leave a kid behind on purpose? IDK it felt wrong.

It was already WILD for him to ask me, an ex, already in a relationship and a kid, to give him a baby just out of the blue without further explanations than "I'm going to die soon".

I told him I could not answer right away , I had to talk about this with my partner. I was already leaning heavily on denying as it all felt wrong.

When talking over this with my partner I noticed I was very concerned about this not even existing kid and I would not be able to keep myself away knowing they would be orphaned prematurely. So the answer was obvious.

When meeting again I tried to be very polite, I made it clear I didn't agree with his plan and I was not going to partake in it cause I felt it was unfair for the kid.

He was clearly hurt, tried to push a bit(not violence tho) to make me understand what he was going through and how this could be beneficial for his mental health.

It all ended there, he didn't take it well and was very disappointed.

Some additional info that could be relevant, we're now on our 30's, last time I talked to him it was 2 years ago and he seemed fine but almost never answers my messages checking up on him.

Him or his family are not rich nor am I so the concern of his elderly parents having to care for the kid was also a big factor.

He was never too big on having kids when we dated, so this came very out of the blue.

So, AITA for not giving my ex a kid knowing he would die young?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #eyestrain

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mourninglamby · 2 months

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helloooo i just wanted to say i've been a fan of your work for a couple years now i think? & dsmp means a ton to me but i had to cut it from my life after the inconsolable differences stream cuz i lost all faith in the creators and the fandom to be normal abt the story. point being i've started looking at your art again and it is seriously so breathtaking and inspiring to me and is reigniting my love for dsmp (which is to say, reigniting my love for the few fans like you who turned it into something worthwhile). i learned so much about myself thru ctommy and made some of the closest friendships in my life in the fandom so it made me incredibly sad to think that time would only ever leave a sour taste in my mouth, and i'm super grateful to you for seeing the story for what it was, criticizing the things that deeply need to be criticized and recognizing the good parts and transforming them into something new. sorry if this is incoherent just wanted to say thank you and i hope you're well!! <3 take care

anon i think we had extremely similar experiences.. To be candid, I never would have even begun to understand what happened to me if I had not watched dsmp. I identify closely with c!Tommy because there hasn't ever been another character like him that resonates with me and my experiences. And I've also made most of my closest friends thru dsmp! There is a silver lining to everything, and I will forever be thankful that I found my most beloved companions and like-minded people thru dsmp.

However, people will always try to make you feel horrible about it, and undermine the importance of this character and the themes in the story because they refuse to try and understand. And the fandom itself is a monster, constantly proving it is not a safe space for victims nor those with more complicated mental health issues. But I want it to be! And I'm beyond grateful that I could provide some comfort for you in the midst of the incessant adversity plagued on us by anti-intellectual assholes. What I and many others do with dsmp is a reclamation of the abuse narrative. I want to explore c!Tommy and his relationships in ways the canon series could not, so I can give myself and others the ending that we deserved. One that upholds victims as survivors, not as means to an end. I don't know if it's appropriate to tack on, but I've been hard at work structuring how I will divulge from canon in Mortis Metamorphosis, and this has only fanned that flame... I'm so excited to share it with everyone.

anyways ..thank you x 1 trillion for this extremely kind message, I read it as I was walking home from work and it made me start crying like a babyyyy but it was cathartic af to know that when I post my work, it's not for nothing and it does reach people... Wishing you nothing but happiness and comfort anony, stay safe and take care of yourself... xoxo.

#this might be a lot #sorry #but this message rly struck me... after a really horrible couple of days #its nice to be reminded that what im doing isnt inherently bad or stupid... my art means something #if i can at least reach one person and have a positive impact.. thats all i could ask for #save

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wintersoldiersoul · 1 year

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Darkness

Summary: Bucky helps you when you're feeling depressed.

Warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts, mental health issues

A/N: Please don't read if you think it will trigger you in any way! I'm in my feels tonight and wish I had Bucky to comfort me. Also Raynor sucks but for the sake of this fic just pretend she doesn't.

Another night sat alone in your room. You could hear the laughter of the other Avengers out in the living room but you had no desire to join in. It made you sad that you didn’t care. You wanted to, you really did. But thinking about leaving the sanctuary of your bed and having to plaster a smile on your face was too exhausting. You weren’t like them. You weren’t a superhero. No, you were just a girl that happened to be in the right place at the right time. You had met Tony Stark when you were 16 and he had taken you in like a daughter. Since then, you had lived in the tower but you never really felt like a part of everything. The team loved you and included you in everything but in your head, it was all fake.

You’ll never be like them. You’ll never truly belong, you told yourself.

Everyone was used to you being a bright light around the tower. You were always smiling, making everyone laugh, and doling out advice left and right to anyone who needed it. But recently, something within you was cracking. The sadness that had haunted you during your teenage years was back and it felt ten times stronger than it ever had. Your teammates blamed it on exhaustion from the back to back missions you waited up all night for them to come home from. They asked if you were okay and they believed you when you lied the word “yes” through your lips. You said that you were fine so they thought you were.

Except for Bucky. Bucky knew there was something else going on. Both of you were introverted, something that you bonded over. You were both plagued with nightmares of your past which lead to many sleepless nights. One night when insomnia found you, you ran into him sitting on the couch watching tv. You opened up to him about your issues sleeping and the two of you made a deal: You’d come find each other when sleep evaded you.

In the two months since, you had knocked on each other’s doors countless times late into the night. Sometimes you would watch a movie together, go get pizza from the 99 cent place down the block, or you would just lay together silently on opposite sides of the bed, enjoying the comfort of not being alone but not needing to speak.

Bucky had his fair share of mental health issues after his years being Hydra’s pawn. He was in a much better place now, due to the combination of medication and therapy that he had been through. But he knew the signs of someone struggling. They used to be constantly present in himself. He knew you weren’t okay.

You lay in your bed, staring mindlessly at the wall. As the chatter of your teammates drifted under the cracks of your bedroom door, silent tears rolled down your cheeks. You were tired of feeling this way. You didn’t get why you couldn’t just be happy like everyone else. Why you couldn’t just be normal.

They don’t care if you’re out there or not. They don’t care about you or what happens to you. Maybe you should just do all of them a favor and delete yourself from their lives forever.

Your mind was spiraling into darker and darker places by the second. You didn’t know how much longer you could keep doing this. Keep being here, alive.

You heard the knock on the door, but it sounded so far away. You didn’t wanna see anyone but your depleted body and mind wouldn’t let you get out the words to send them away. The door creaked open and you heard footsteps leading towards your bed.

Bucky’s face appeared in front of you. He noticed your tear stained cheeks and the dark circles under your eyes. You weren’t okay and he knew it. “Y/N, can you talk to me, please?”

You didn’t respond. You couldn’t. You were so trapped in your own mind, your own thoughts.

“Y/N…” he tenderly reached out his hand and pushed your hair out of your face. “Can you hear me?” His thumb swept over your face, wiping a fresh tear that had fallen. “Please, just say something. I’m so worried about you…”

You had always dealt with depression. It was something that you had shared with Bucky during one of your sleepless nights. You blinked a few times and it was like the recognition hit your brain. You realized that he was in front of you, talking to you. As the realization crossed your mind, it was impossible to keep it inside any longer. You burst into tears, hot floods falling down your face. Bucky quickly pulled you into him, stroking your hair.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, just let it out. Let it all out.” He whispered encouraging words in your ear as you broke down.

Once you had calmed down, he got into the bed beside you, not wanting to leave you alone. “It’s bad again, isn't it?” He asked.

You nodded, still having trouble finding the words to express what you wanted to say.

The next two days, you didn’t get out of bed. Bucky wanted to give you the space you needed but he was also worried sick. He brought you food that for the most part went uneaten. He tried to get you to shower or at least change into clean clothes but you refused. You were catatonic, spending the days alternating between crying, sleeping, and staring at the wall.

The third day, Bucky was done giving you space. “Y/N, get up. We’re going out.”

“Out?” Your voice croaked as you spoke, having barely used it in days.

“Yup. Come on, at least put on some clean clothes.”

“Don’t wanna go out, Bucky.” Your voice was so monotonous, so not you. So unlike the bright, intelligent, resilient girl that he knew so well.

“Too bad. You don’t have a choice.” He threw the covers off of you and turned on the light. “Up.”

You groaned and slowly sat up, muscles sore and protesting the movement after being dormant for so long.

“Here, I brought you clothes,” he handed you one of his sweatshirts and a pair of sweatpants. “Get changed. I’ll be back in five minutes.”

You changed into the clothes he brought you, taking in the scent of him on the sweatshirt. It smelled like comfort. Like home.

A few minutes later, Bucky brought you outside to his car. You got in the passenger's seat and wordlessly stared out the window as he drove. You didn’t know where you were going and you didn’t care enough to ask.

15 minutes of silence later, you arrived at your destination. The sign on the window read “Dr. Christina Raynor, Licensed Therapist.” “A therapist? Really? I’m not doing this.” “Yes, you are. You don’t have a choice. If you don’t get out of the car, I’ll fucking carry you inside. You can sit in silence through the whole appointment but you're going in there. I’ll wait outside or I’ll come in with you if you want, okay?”

You knew he wouldn’t budge. That’s how you found yourself sitting across from Dr. Raynor, with Bucky at your side. You told her about your past, how you had been bounced around from loveless foster home to foster home. How depression had always been there in the back of your head, like a toxic friend.

“So you don’t have a job,” Dr. Raynor repeated your own words back to you. “What’s your plan?”

“My plan?” You asked.

“Yes. Your plan for your life. Did you ever dream of doing something specific with your life? Ever feel like you had a calling? Even if it was just a dream that you had when you were younger.”

“Um,” you blinked at her, trying to come up with any sort of answer. “I don’t have a plan. I’ve never really had one. I um,” you pointed your gaze down at the floor. “I never really thought I’d make it this far.”

“Can you elaborate on that?” She asked. You could feel Bucky’s eyes on you as you spoke. You didn’t wanna answer the question, didn’t wanna say out loud the things that had been in your head for so long. It made it real.

“I didn’t think I'd ever be this old. I never thought I’d be an adult. I thought one day I’d finally work up the courage-” you paused as your voice broke. “I thought I’d finally be brave enough to end it. I never thought about the future cause I was so sure I wouldn’t have one.”

“Y/N…” Bucky said your name, heavy sadness weighing in his voice.

Back at the tower, you headed straight for you room, just wanting to be alone. But the closing motion of the door was stopped by a vibranium arm.

“I’m not leaving you alone. Not after what you just admitted.”

You looked at him and he really took in how broken you looked. You had lost weight and your eyes were only filled with sadness. You looked pale and all around not well.

“Bucky, please…”

He took a step closer and wrapped his arms around you and you broke. Tears once again fell from your eyes, soaking his blue henley shirt. You were so weak, you couldn’t do this anymore. Bucky held you as you cried before picking you up and laying you on the bed. You continued to cry and he hugged you close, letting you cry for as long as you needed to.

“I don’t wanna be here anymore, Bucky,” you sobbed.

“Shhh, I know, I know. But I want you here, okay? I- I need you here. I don’t wanna live this life without you. It will get better. It will.”

“No it won’t! For my entire fucking life I’ve been trying to tell myself that. And it never fucking does! It never gets better!”

Your words broke his heart. You were one of the most important people in his life. So important that he had even let himself start to fantasize about what it would be like if you loved him and the beautiful future you could have together. “Y/N, please. You’re not alone anymore, okay? All of those other times, you didn’t have what you have now. Tony loves you so much. You’re his daughter. He refers to you as his daughter, you know. And you have me. I’m never gonna go anywhere, okay? You can push me away, you can fight me on this as much as you want, but I am not leaving. I’m never leaving.”

You continued to cry in his arms until your body was so weak. He felt you grow more weak and tired by the second, pulling you in closer. “It’s okay. Rest, angel. I’m not leaving you. Get some sleep and I’ll be here when you wake up.”

You eventually fell asleep in his strong arms. “I love you. I love you so much. Please don’t leave,” he whispered to your sleeping body. He knew you couldn’t hear him, but he needed to tell you anyway. He would always be there for you. He wouldn’t let anything happen to you.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #sebastian stan #marvel imagine #mcu #sad bucky #bucky barnes fan fiction #bucky x you #james bucky barnes #winter soldier #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #james buchanan barnes

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hongtiddiez · 2 months

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my stand in final thoughts, feelings, etc.

what an absolute ride of a show. what a series of ups and downs and downs and downs and up.

i think what i find so charming about this show is that it really exemplifies what it means to be human. each character was flawed in their own way and each made mistakes that at the end of the day were just human mistakes. no one felt like a mustache twirling villain but rather a flawed human being that got caught up in something bigger than themselves, or caught up in their own ego, hubris, etc.

in a show that was clearly framed to be about second chances i really did not expect the wide array of examples of different second chances in life - the obvious being joe and ming, but then there was joe and new!joe's mother, ming and his mother, tong and may, joe and sol, etc. almost everyone experienced a second chance of some kind with one another. almost all second chances worked out towards a positive outcome but i respect that some were neutral outcomes at best; a total reset. a second chance doesn't always mean total forgiveness and absolution but rather a new slate to try again and i really appreciate that MSI made it a point to showcase that.

i am also once again grateful that the show did not fall into the evil mother trope. i was gritting my teeth waiting to see what became of ming's mom and in the end both she and joe's mom were parents doing their best, wanting the best for their children, and stumbling along the way - another perfect example of humanity.

i couldn't even come to fully hate tong by the end. the industry inflated his ego, he felt indestructible, he was able to get anything he wanted with his connections, and he allowed that confidence to turn to hubris and got involved in something far bigger than himself. a scared, cornered beast will almost always lash out and at the end of the day tong was lashing out for any chance of survival. he needed a wake up call of catastrophic proportions to get his head on straight but throughout the show they did show us reminders of how much he loved may, little glimmers of who he was behind all of that, and by the end when he was able to find peace those traits shone through again.

and with ming i appreciated that he still felt like the same person. he was still an asshole, still rough around the edges, still who he was at the beginning of the show but his efforts were channeled elsewhere, his priorities changed, and he learned what he truly values out of life. joe didn't magically change ming, but he did alter his perspective and give him so much to consider.

i still cannot fathom the pain joe has to go through every day looking in the mirror and knowing he will never see his face looking back at him. the show teased little peeks of the affect this would have on his mental health and i wish it had maybe delved into that more but mental health is always a slippery slope.

for the grit and darkness of the show the ending felt a little too fairy tale for me but i was also kind of hoping joe didn't come back. i know, horrible of me, but if i was him? i don't think i would've come back. he had to be so, so tired and he'd been through so much, that part of me wanted to see that happen as a final nail in the coffin, a message that sometimes death comes for us no matter how hard we try to run from it, and sometimes death is a kindness at the end of a long and painful journey.

idk i'm also a slut for angst so ignore me.

i wasn't mad at the ending by any means, i enjoyed the little nods to potential side couples, i loved seeing things come full circle, loved joe's realization that while HE always saw himself as a stand in or someone overlooked everyone else remembers his past self fondly and he made an impression on them. in the end, so much of joe's self worth issues were his own insecurities exacerbated by ming's emotional abuse.

that being said, don't forget to tell people in your life how much they mean to you. it can mean a lot more to them than you can imagine.

definitely think MSI is my fav bl of 2024 so far, it was something unique and a little darker, more mature, all things i've been craving for a while.

#oat meta #my stand in #my stand-in #my stand in the series #my stand-in the series #mingjoe #joeming #clairedaring #usersasa

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crazybiaatch · 2 months

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Silco and Jinx were never weird

I saw yet another tik tok calling Silco a pdf file for his interactions with Jinx, so I need to rant and defend my favourite mentally ill daddy/daughter duo, so spoilers ahead

END OF ACT 1

At the end of act 1 we see Silco and Powder in very similar postions. They have both just lost a sibling in the worst ways imaginable (to them, at the time). They obviously feel very differently about these losses, it was always in Silco's plans for Vander to die, but all the emotions from when Vander turned his back on their dreams had resurfaced while he was talking to Vander, whereas Powder had just tried to prove herself to her big sister and instead of being proud, Vi was angry, and told her that Milo was right, that she was a Jinx. So, when Silco accepts Powder's hug and even reciprocates, it does make some sort of sense. Not to us, and not to the people around them, but Powder and Silco are feeling very similar emotions, anger, confusion, betrayal, ect. Silco sees these emotions in Powder, and takes her in. We don't get to see much of their relationship here since this is the very beginning of the relationship, but I felt like pointing out the basis of their bond was important.

ACT 2

This is where some people start thinking their relationship is more sexual than it is. This is because of how touchy they are with each other. I'm talking about the scene where Jinx sits on Silco's lap.

Now, two points to get out of the way. 1, plenty of people show physical affection to their fathers this way and similarly, there is nothing wrong with this as long as it never crosses boundaries, and I cannot and will not speak on actual relationships I have no knowledge of, everything I am about to say is within the context of this fictional relationship within this fictional world. 2, Jinx is both Silco's adopted daughter (no blood relation, both of her blood parents are dead) and around 18-19 years old during acts 2 and 3, she is also severely mentally ill. Not in a silly, joking way, she at least has paranoid schizophrenia.

Silco and Jinx's relationship is not a normal father/daughter relationship. It literally never could be. Silco has been extremely traumatised by what happened with Vander and Jinx has devolped severe mental health issues while in Silco's care, while also being traumatised by what happened with Vi. So, instead of the breakdown I did above, I'm just going to point out things to contextualise how touchy Jinx an Silco are to each other, and I'm just going to go as chronologically as I can (I've rewatched this show 3 times, and I am rewatching all Silco and Jinx interactions as I write this)

1x04:

Silco defends Jinx, in the conversation with Sevika after the Firelights fight. Sevika was 100% right, and a cold-hearted leader like Silco would usually agree with what she was saying and punish Jinx accordingly. Instead, he tells Sevika to "not dissapoint him" (do better) and sends her away, before asking for Jinx's side of the story. Not to sound like I have daddy issues, but my dad woudn't even do that for me. (quick little aside bc its on my screen right now - that monkey thing on Silco's desk? Adorable, anyone who claims to not know that Silco was Jinx's dad is clearly not paying enough attention)

Now, the infamous moment. Silco hands his eye-needle-thing to Jinx, and she moves to sit on his lap and wraps a hand around his neck as he leans back (pictures below).

These pictures show just how physically close they are (literally touching) and yes, I can see how this looks weird, trust me, I've seen the fanart (i wish i didn't) BUT that doesn't mean I think that reading is right! For starters, physical closeness doesn't immediately mean sexual or even romantic tension, if this was true, that would ALSO mean that Vi and Jinx have a weird relationship (pictures below)

Woah! Look! Physical closeness! They're even closer than Jinx and Silco! So, it's not the closeness that makes it weird. Maybe it's the actual actions! Vi is just hugging Jinx, whereas Jinx is sitting half on top of Silco. To inject 'medicine' into his eye. I would like to see you do something like that standing away from someone. The two times we see Silco get his injections, Jinx has to lean over him to get it done correctly, and when she rushes it the second time, it hurts him. (another thing this scene is showing us is how much Silco trusts Jinx, who would you let stab you in the eye? Probably someone you consider family, right?) But okay, it could be the dialogue that's got tension right? They're talking about Vi. And then they're talking about Zaun. And then Silco gets stabbed. And then Jinx goes straight back to sitting away from him. They only touch for a matter of SECONDS (about 10ish seconds, give or take since we don't actually see when Jinx moves away again) though in word it could be longer because of the glitch effect we get when Jinx talks about Vi, but it's not like Jinx was sat on Silco's lap for half an hour. She only moved to touch him a) when he asked (by offering the needle) and b) to help him, and moved away as soon as she was finished helping him. The rest of the interaction could either be read as fatherly or condescending, both are true enough ("Take some time" "I don't need it" "Take it anyhow") so this interaction? No tension. None. If you do see sexual tension, you are reaching. All I see is a father/boss trying to comfort his daughter, and then moving on to reprimanding her for her mistakes and essentially grounding her.

Their next interaction, after the bombing. Silco storms in and starts yelling at Jinx until she gives him the hextech crystal and hugs him. I wouldn't even call this interaction very 'fatherly' since Silco barely even hugs Jinx back and just stares at the crystal. This is more Silco the Boss than Silco the Dad. I guess you could say the way Jinx walked before hugging him was a little flirtatious? But that's pretty much how she always moves. I don't have much to say about this one, it's fairly straightforward, at least to me.

1x05

Silco defends Jinx, yet again, this time from Marcus who is trying to demand Jinx getting arrested. Silco is tense and turns down Marcus's idea immeadtly.

Not much happens, they're seperate for the rest of the episode until...

"You're the only one I can trust with this, Jinx."

This honestly is my main point. Jinx is one of three people Silco trusts. (the other two are Sevika and the Doctor, and he moreso trusts that they will listen to him, and he doesn't trust them anywhere as much as he trusts Jinx) Jinx is the one that is trusted with his medicine, and through the show, no one else really touches Silco. What I'm saying is, the man was drowned by his brother and hates the idea of other people touching him, except for Jinx. He obviously sees her as family of some kind, his every action and word screams it. (tiny aside, the look on his face at the end of that scene? my heart shattered. No one could make me hate him after that, he looked so scared and heartbroken.)

The next weird scene also happens this episode. The lake scene, or as I call it, the baptising scene. Silco dips Jinx below the water of the lake he was nearly drowned in, and to do that he holds her hand and holds the back of her head, and leans with her to dip her under water. They get very very close, and without the previous context I could 100% see how people would think this scene is romantic. But with the context of both their relationship and the actual action he's doing? He's baptising his daughter. (pictures below)

I'm not sure if any of you guys have seen an adult baptism, but I have thanks to my religion class, and let me tell you, those priests get REAL close. Not to mention, this is the same lake he nearly died in. Of course he's going to want to be close to make sure she's alright. He doesn't get any closer, the only reason they're that close is because its when Silco is starting to tip her backwards, but while Jinx is still holding herself upright.

(honourable mention moment - Silco in the last scene of this ep is amazing and I commend the animators for being able to show his emotions so clearly.)

1x06

This first scene with Jinx doesn't add anything to the relationship with Silco BUT it does contextualise how touchy she is. She hugs this random guy. Sure, it's to plant a glitter bomb to his back and scare him, but still, she doesn't even know his name. Same with the Sevika scene, she's practically on top of Sevika, and then once Sevika tells her about Vi, she pulls Sevika so close that I just know they could smell each other's breaths. Their foreheads are literally touching.

So much happens this episode thanks to Silco and Jinx both finding out about Vi, but there are 2 things I want to note, 1, Silco praises Jinx to Vi, just. I wish MY dad did that. 2, this is the big shift away from Powder (Vi) to Jinx (Silco).

ACT 3

1x07

(sorry just - the ash tray covered in crayons? I did that to my parents ash tray once)

This is where the show stops going for subtext. Sevika compares her relationship with her dad to Jinx and Silco. THAT IS TEXT.

Anyways, the next big scene. The second injection.

"We are family."

I saw someone seriously try to say they never thought Silco and Jinx were family. Did you just, not watch the show? "Oh she's sitting on his lap again." Yeah she's also stabbed him in the face twice and in the neck once. Does that scream sexual tension to you?

1x08

Okay, so, Silco kisses Jinx this episode. On the forehead, while she's on her deathbed. He kissed her the same way I kiss my nephew goodnight. I cannot stress enough, I am a Jegulus shipper and even I am not seeing romantic or sexual tension and he actually just kissed her.

"I, too, once had a daughter" again. A character comparing their father/daughter relationship to Silco and Jinx.

1x09

(quick note - the way Silco acts when Renni's son dies is iconic)

Circling back to the trust thing, he is literally putting his life in Sevika's hands, she can chose to be loyal to him or to join Finn, and he knows that the choice is hers. Look at how he acts after she swings her sword. He is hyperventilating. He sat still and patient while Jinx literally stabbed him with that needle thing, but when Sevika had the choice between a gutsy kid or her longtime boss he feared for his life. Sure, he pulls himself together, but that was pure PANIC

Anyways, big moment here.

"You're my daughter." Silco to Jinx, moments before disaster. If you manage to watch that and still look back and think "The writers were trying to communicate that there was a sexual relationship between them." you are a child left behind.

To sum my points up + stuff that doesn't really have a nice spot to put it:

Silco and Jinx are the only people they truly trust. Silco hates being touched and Jinx is a very tactile person, she is also consistently the only person that touches Silco.

This relationship isn't normal or healthy, it's co-dependent asf but it's also 100% platonic and never once moves towards sexual or romantic

This is dedicated to the people that think their relationship is gross, not to the shippers. The shippers are already too far gone.

Watching the whole show through only Jinx and/or Silco scenes is still cohesive and you don't see Jayce until the very end, 10/10 for the writers

#silco #arcane silco #silco and jinx #jinx #jinx arcane #arcane #rant post #this is a half drunk rant that was spawned by someone saying Silco was acting like a pdf file around Jinx

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shirtlessradfahrer · 5 months

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So I've been politically active since before I was even eligible to vote. I've followed North American politics near religiously since 2014, and I've been a card-carrying member of my country's most prominent left-wing party since before the start of the pandemic. I barely slept at all during the week Ukraine was full-scale invaded, and I've been stressed about it every day for the last two years, given that my grandfather was born there and I've very much wanted to visit someday. And this was all before the horrific debacle of October 7th, and the subsequent atrocities committed against Gaza practically every day since. Lately I've weaned myself off a lot of international news and been more active in local politics because that's where I feel my efforts have been more effective, but...

...the reality is I am tired. I am so fucking tired.

I blacklisted just about everything remotely political when I made this blog because I wanted this space to be my escape from all of that. He is my escape from all of that. A badly needed one, because between the state of the world, the state of my country, the state of my workplace and the state of my personal life, my mental health has been....not very good for most of this decade and last.

I know this is unhealthily cynical, but as someone who had some pretty shitty friends in the past, and continues to have some incredibly shitty family members, including my own father (who, despite having Käärijä levels of charisma and putting on an excellent act in public, has repeatedly hurt me and let me and others down when we needed him most)....I expect famous people I admire to disappoint me. I very much expect famous men I admire to disappoint me. It may be in three days, or in three months, or in three years, or in thirty years, but it will happen at least once, if not multiple times.

Which is why I don’t-and never have-looked up to musicians or any other celebrity for guidance on my political or moral beliefs. It's a surefire way to set yourself up for not only disappointment but feelings of betrayal towards someone who was never "loyal" to you in the first place. And I wish so many people didn't learn that lesson far too late.

I don't like Jere Mikael Pöyhönen because of his insightful commentary on the state of geopolitics. To be extremely blunt, I like him because he's hot and he entertains me, both of which bring me happiness. Once I no longer feel that happiness, I'll move on to other interests, just as I always have. It would be very nice, however, if that day came in thirty years rather than in three. Which is why I felt relief when he expressed his wish to remain politically neutral, even regarding politics in his own country.

That being said....am I disappointed he went to you-know-what? Yes, for reasons both political and non-political. Am I disappointed that he willingly interacted on camera with you-know-who? Yes. In fact there are several things he has done and people he has associated with that I'm not particularly happy about. But in this case do I understand WHY he went and why he interacted with them? Also yes.

I don't believe he had any malicious intent, quite the opposite. His kindness is both his greatest strength and his greatest weakness-he is kind to the point that he foolishly undermines his own credibility. I don't know if there's an equivalent of Hanlon's Razor in Finnish but it goes "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity".

And.....well. This is a guy who couldn't tell the Ukrainian esc23 representatives from the Greek ones. Who didn't know what the trans flag was until he was personally handed one last year. Who, AFAIK, has never received any sort of higher education (vocational school would still sort of be considered such where I live, but whatever) not that that automatically makes someone "smart" and others "stupid", but it can and often does help with understanding international issues. And based on my overall experience with hockey fans/players (of which he's both)...they typically aren't terminally online debating anything besides individual player and team statistics.

So I'm not shocked that he didn't think about how Just Being Nice on camera with that representative would look to others outside of his own bubble. How that would not have looked particularly "neutral". But he should have, considering this isn't the first time he's had to deal with angry internet mobs coming after him for a relatively minor mistake. Considering his favourite band got into very hot water last year and dealt with the controversy very poorly for too long.

Is it fair that I can block some tags, turn off the tv, and get on with my day, while he has to worry about his image the moment he leaves home? No. But...this is the inevitable downside of the life he wanted. Unlike me, he now has an audience of millions, a not-insignificant number of whom are going to be thinking about this stuff, meaning he needs to as well. And if not, he needs to pay someone to think about it for him. Goodness knows he can afford it now. I can do without all that pyro if it means none of us have another week like this one.

#käärijä #sorry this was still more rambling than i intended #but i wanted to give personal context as to why i appreciate his neutral stance #and why i don't like putting celebrities on such high pedestals #also fuck the ebu #for so many reasons #they don't deserve him

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welcomehomeincorrectquotes · 11 months

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My version of the Rainbow Factory AU:

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

youtube

As a big fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and the original Rainbow Factory songs and Grimdark fanfiction, I am intrigued with the concept of the Rainbow Factory!Wally AU.

The only issue I have is that I can't find any content for RF!Wally that has a story were Wally Darling feels like Wally Darling and where a Rainbow Factory would makes sense in the world of Welcome Home.

So I'm going to try doing it myself! Wish me luck...

This AU is subject to change with the more we learn about Welcome Home!

The AU starts off fairly normally, with the popular show Welcome Home getting cancelled for unknown reasons: this causes the neighbourhood to become vulnerable, and is attacked by the Void, which latches onto Home like a parasite, leeching off their lifeforce, causing the neighbourhood to decay and lose it's colour.

Due to his status as Home's resident and the main character of the show, Wally is the only other resident still conscious after the upheaval.

Home, now calling themself "Factory", tells Wally if he wants to save his friends and home, he will need invite ❄︎♒︎♏︎ ✌︎◆︎♎︎♓︎♏︎■︎♍︎♏︎ over to the neighbourhood and make them into "sacrifices". Wally doesn't understand what is going on or what the word "sacrifices" means, but trusts Home and follows their instructions.

He knows what "Sacrifices" means now.

Regardless, it works, and the Factory creates a beautiful rainbow that brings life and colour back into the neighbourhood.

Wally's beloved neighbours are a bit dazed, but otherwise completely fine. They don't even realise anything terrible happened.

Factory tells him that, unfortunately, this won't last forever; Wally must keep bringing in more sacrifices, keep making rainbows, otherwise the Neighbourhood will die.

Notes:

The Neighbours are blissfully unaware about what happens inside the Rainbow Factory, beyond that it makes rainbows (which drives Frank nuts because SCIENCE but whatever).

Working at the Factory has taken a monstrous toll on Wally's mental and physical health. He tries to act normal for his friends, but they've all noticed. They are all very worried him, especially Barnaby.

Factory is the Void, not Home.

Factory acts very manipulative and emotionally abusive towards Wally; peppering him with praise when following orders and cutting him off at the knees when he questions them.

Wally is psychically connected with Home, which lets Factory directly control the puppet at times.

What do you think? I'm open to any questions, suggestions and/or critiques and will make more if you're interested... eep...

#Rainbow Factory Wally #Wally Darling #welcome home puppet show #rainbow factory au #alternate universe #au #my art #happy halloween #rainbow factory

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palacholic · 7 months

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Storytime

So...it's time to introduce you to the wicked ways of my weirdness, to show you what it's like to be me, starting from the beginning...

Right now I'm in my first semester at Charles university, Prague. I've been living in the Czech republic for a few months now, I chose to move there right after finishing high school in my home country. I spent years preparing for my life abroad, studying the Czech language, taking care of all the formalities that are necessary to move to a new country, most of it by myself, getting to know the country that I consider my home and I wish to live in for the rest of my life.

Why all this? What made me take such an unexpected choice, leaving behind everything I knew, saying goodbye to my friends and family and to the life I could have had in my home country?

As you could probably guess from my username and the content on my blog, the answer is simple:

Jan Palach

Yes. That Jan Palach. The student who on 16th January 1969 set himself on fire in protest of the apathy and resignation of the Czechoslovak people following the soviet occupation of Czechoslovakia. A guy who's been dead for over half a century.

I first heard about him during a time when I was struggling a lot with my mental health. His story gave me strength and hope, what he did reminded me that there are things worth fighting for, things worth living for. I know this sounds kinda paradoxical given that he died because of what he did but that's the point - he was willing to sacrifice his life because he wanted others to live in a better world. He didn't kill himself because he hated life, on the contrary he loved it.

I found something that gave me joy, something I liked doing - reading and watching everything I could find about him. I spent a lot of time researching him and loved every new detail I found out. I started researching him out of admiration for his act and became more and more intrigued by his personality, his interests, the things he believed in...I look up to him a lot. It's incredible how much this helped me getting better mentally and eventually healing from the worst of my mental issues. I started looking forward to the future again, especially after visiting the Czech Republic for the first time.

I came to Prague to pay my respects to Jan Palach, to visit the places where he lived, to say thank you...and fell in love with the city and Czech culture overall more than I expected. I met amazing people and had some of the best experiences of my life, and soon after I realised that moving to Czechia was the right thing to do. That I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't go through with it, that if I stayed in my home country I would never be as happy as I am now.

Two years later I finally packed my things and went on my way...as soon as I left the airport on my arrival I felt that I'd made the right choice and everything that happened since then only confirmed that feeling. Even the bad things. It's not always easy but it feels right, in a way that's hard to convey by words. I sometimes think about how crazy this all is but I'm so glad it happened. I'm thankful for everything I have now, my friends, my hobbies, my new home. I love it every day more. And I don't care how weird it is that all this started because of a guy who died more than half a century ago. Was it only a coincidence that I watched the news that day when they talked about him? Is there more to it? Who knows? Is it relevant? I don't think so.

I hope he'd be happy to know that he saved me and how much he means to me. If I could, I'd thank him for everything.

I started this blog to share my feelings and my journey as an expat in Czechia. You'll find memes, stories of a foreigner's life in Prague and of course a lot of history-related things. I'm happy to answer all your questions and tell you more. I hope to make new friends and find people with whom I can talk about my interests. I'm glad to be here and I love you all, I'm proud of y'all for being here too <3

this post took me waaayyyy too long to write and maybe I'll edit it again sometime in the future, if you read all of this I'm genuinely impressed, please tell me your thoughts in the comments or send an ask if you want to :)

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year

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Am I the asshole for how my previous 'situationship' ended? (I genuinely do not know what to call this situation so that's gonna have to do).

Okay so I (20F) met a guy that we will call Chris (21M) on tinder in Oct 2022. We were at the same uni, and we had good rapport over text, so we decided to meet up. He was pretty awkward but once we actually got talking he was a good chat. Nothing romantic or sexual was discussed/acted upon.

We hung out a few times after that. I kissed him once after a night out, which he didn't reciprocate or ever mention again. Given the complete lack of romance/sexuality coming from him, and the fact that he is a very socially awkward person, I took the hint that he wasn't interested and didn't know how to tell me. I felt that i made the fact I was interested clear and he hadn't taken me up on it, so I just dropped the subject. We continued talking as friends, and I genuinely thought that's all it was.

Come Feb 2023, I went on a night out with a different group of friends, during which a friend of mine, we'll call Tom, kissed me. I nearly had a one night stand with Tom, but I ended up not sleeping with him and just going home because I was too drunk. Being drunk and cringe, I made a pretty crude post to my tumblr before I passed out which was something like "someone is actually attracted to me? Nail me to a wall!" (Long deleted because drunk me is an embarrassment lol).

I woke up to texts from Chris, who had seen my tumblr post and was upset. I was pretty confused because 1. He doesn't even use tumblr, 2. I don't remember ever giving him my account name but it must have been in a screenshot at some point, and 3. I was not under the impression that we were dating... I let all that slide like an idiot because I was really hungover. Chris and I then had a chill discussion about what we were, and agreed to be friends. Cool! I thought that was the end of the drama. We chatted and hung out afterwards with 0 difference to how it had been before.

Cut to May, and I sent him good luck wishes before an exam. He says thanks and I just didn't think about it again, normal exchange.

Over three weeks after I'd wished him good luck, I woke up to a wall of text he'd sent me at 3am where he went into detail about how i had strung him along and wasted his time; that he thought I was manipulative and playing "mind games" with him for that good luck text, which he took as me trying to psyche him out before the exam and make him fail the module; that he didn't want to 'just be friends anymore' because the knowlege that i strung him along hurt too much; that I "ignored him as he walked past" (I still have no idea where or when this happened, I straight up did not see him wherever it was). He also went into detail about physical and mental health issues he'd been going through (that I wasn't aware of before the wall of text) saying that I'd been a great help with them during first term, then "ruined his second term". He went off that my lack of communication skills is a detriment to everyone around me.

I was completely blindsided by all of that, and honestly really hurt that he'd accuse me of trying to make him fail his exams, but I'm not sure that he's not got a point? Looking back, yeah maybe I should have straight up asked him if he was interested back in Nov. But idk I'd say kissing someone is a pretty fucking clear communication that i was interested, and he made 0 reaction to it, what was i supposed to think? I'm not in the habit of pushing people when they do nothing in the way of reciprocation. But, one of the issues he disclosed to me was that he had gotten an autism diagnosis in April and I can see how not being 100% clear and verbal in my communication may have been the root of the issues here, given that he was undiagnosed autistic for most of the time I knew him.

Anyway, was my lack of communication an asshole move?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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mod2amaryllis · 1 year

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I'm waiting for this migraine to die so I'm gonna tell you guys about Marshall, the dog who made me quit. read on if you wanna learn about extended quarantine and why this job sucks sometimes and other times is the most rewarding thing on the planet, often for the same reasons lmao.

in 2021, the weight of covid was kinda crashing down. i heard this was the case for a lot of health workers. we switched into emergency mode throughout 2020 and powered through, then the rest of the world decided to try and "get back to normal" a year later, giving no regard to the people who'd been working like a speeding train with the brakes off all that time. i was losing it!!! add a few more hay bales to my back when we hired a new doc who was the most demanding dude I'd ever met (still is, but we've come to some understanding lol) and who decided to run me as ragged as possible the first day he was left to his own devices.

that was the day Marshall came in.

i didn't talk about this back then because the outcome of the case was uncertain and the details so specific, but here's the run down knowing that 2 years later, Marshall is living his best life. when he was a baby, too young to have received a rabies vaccine, his owners found a rabies positive bat in the house. the state vet will always recommend euthanasia in these situations, OR, if you can somehow find and afford the option, a 6 month quarantine. this was such a tragic situation the owners were willing to try to save him. my clinic happens to have a decent isolation ward that's rarely in use; we use it for infectious patients like parvo puppies, uri's that have to be hospitalized, etc. so my boss agreed to take him for those 6 months. but the owners' caveat was that if he wasn't mentally adjusting to isolation after a couple weeks, they would euthanize so as not to put him through it and leave him with lifelong behavior issues.

that day, when animal control brought Marshall in the middle of an insane rush, we were short staffed and already at the end of our ropes with this new doc. i was the only qualified person who could talk to the officer. i was the only person who could take him back to isolation. the act of putting a 12 week old puppy in a 4 x 4 run where i knew he would either spend 6 months untouched, or never see the outside again, broke me. last straw.

i was a mess, for the rest of that day and the rest of that weekend having to go in and take care of him, when it was too early for him to adjust so i was sure he wouldn't make it. I'd come home sobbing. eventually jose was just like, "this isn't worth it any more," and i sent in a two weeks notice. i'd come close to doing so many times in the previous 6 years but never pulled the trigger. it took a total meltdown. my managers responded with regret, but understanding.

i wish i could've just felt free and done with it but for those two weeks i was just uncertain. this job is so complicated. the benefits for my pets are enormous; it's my main social network; it's income; I'm good at it and it gives me purpose. it's just also hell on earth! with no pressure from anyone else one way or the other, by the end of two weeks I'd decided to instead try going part time. that's where I'm at 2 years later so guess it worked lol.

but! there was still Marshall. shortly after we took him, we also happened to get a call for the same situation on 2 cats, and decided to take them as well. 3 animals on a 6 month quarantine. very new and daunting for all of us.

that first weekend was hard, but slowly, Marshall figured things out. it was the least ideal situation imaginable and i was at rock bottom and so was he, but i had this moment of like.....ok. if he wants to make this work, I'm gonna do as right by him as possible. and of course all us techs were helping him (one of my road dog coworkers always opened so i referred to her as his "morning mom") but i in particular took a special interest in training and enrichment. it became a passion. i was working less, but i volunteered extra weekends so i could see him more.

he was so young he hadn't even done much basic command training, and the fact that i couldn't touch him at all was a challenge. i started with a clicker to signal I'd rolled a treat into his run, since i couldn't give it to him directly. over those months we went through the basics: sit, down, paw, touch, using a back scratcher for a hand. part of the worry was him getting enough exercise; we noticed that when he'd get agitated, he'd jump on the bars non stop. i was like hmm that might be our only option, so i made "up" a command. i'd basically run burpies for exercise, up-sit-down-sit-up. he was a fast learner, very attentive. seeing him keep his wits about him like that was straight up thrilling. he even "potty trained" himself, barking like crazy whenever he'd go to the bathroom so we'd know right away he needed the run cleaned.

in the ward, there are 2 runs and 3 kennels. i trained Marshall to go back and forth between runs so we could clean. we'd have his food waiting for him in the next run over so he could eat while we'd clean; at the midday switch, he'd have a doggie popsicle. he was such a smart dog i knew toys and treats alone weren't cutting it for enrichment, and i couldn't constantly train him when i still had to be doing the rest of my job.

i started having everyone save every single box and paper-packaging that came in. i'd unfold some boxes for "bedding," so he'd at least have something between him and the concrete (he'd chew and eat any blanket we tried giving him). the rest, i turned into puzzles. i put treats inside and closed them up. put big boxes on their side in his run so he could go in and out. crumpled up paper-packaging with treats mixed in for him to dig through. every day i'd turn one run into a box-toy paradise, let him in, clean the other, and by the time i was checking back in on him he was snoozing in a pile of destruction. success. when other techs wouldn't go to the same lengths, i'd stay late pre-making his boxes and telling people to just throw them in dammit. i also queued several ambient sound playlists, birdsong cityscapes etc, to play on the weekend days when he was alone for long periods.

the months went by like this. i learned more about training, enrichment, and most specifically quarantine than i ever had outside of my experiences with my own puppies. we fell into a routine. we straight up loved each other, he was part of my life. he'd been this horrible trigger and pretty much doubled my workload, but he got to live.

then there were the cats! they were a little easier than Marsh just because they were already adults so didn't have all this energy to wrangle. for them, daily cleaning of course, taking turns going into the 1 empty kennel where i'd have treats, catnip, and other "new" smells waiting for them. for enrichment i focused on reconfiguration. every 2-3 days i'd rearrange things in their kennels, with the big pieces being a litter box, a bed, and an upright sturdy box (so they could either be in it or on top of it, giving them one upper level). it was habitat tetris. we'd play with strings and use the back scratcher for pets. then about every week, i'd switch their kennels to slightly change their view AND traded beds to mingle scents. they were from the same household and we were worried there'd be difficulty re-bonding after not being in direct contact for so long. they also did very well by the end of 6 months aside from gaining a lot of weight (oops). i learned just as much from them, and would love to help anyone else who might struggle with needing to quarantine pets.

i've seen people posting for help about similar situations and just wanna scream from the rooftops: the beginning is very daunting and hopeless, but animals aren't like us!!!!!! they do the best with what they got!!!!! if you work hard and keep them clean and develop a routine it'll all work out!!!!! Marshall walked out of there at 6 months a normal happy puppy in desperate need of a haircut.

it's interesting because i've never interacted much with his owners. i don't think they know i'm the one who kept him from losing his mind in there, even though everyone else at the clinic does, and i'm weirdly ok with that. the other day he came in cuz the dummy ate a bunch of meds he wasn't supposed to; the doc brought him to the back and instantly, Marshall rushed right for me. he still remembers me in a good way. there's still love. it's like...one of the few patient relationships i've had that feels truly deeply personal. in retrospect i think he had a bigger hand in healing my relationship with this career and animals in general than i realized at the time.

so thanks for making me quit Marshall. i feel a lot better now.

(i don't have any pics of him from that time (tragic ssd card accident) but he was an overgrown doodle puppy so he looked like this.)

#vet med #vet tech #work stuff #m2a #I've always wanted to tell this story it had such an impact on me

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