#IM NOT ABANDONING THIS PROJECT IN A THOUSAND YEARS

[captain-clandestiny]

made it another year.

a bit of a personal comic, but just some feelings i wanted to get out.

I've... been kind of lost lately. I'm far from abandoning the development of Bluesleeves and the other stories i've been managing on the side, yet i just cant find it within me to create actual art lately. Something im proud of, not just a doodle or scribble or joke. And as i celebrate another year of life, it gets heavy. The guilt of inaction weighs more on my head and my heart with every day that goes by. But... I cant change.

Thats not to say i havent tried. God, ive tried more times than i can count. Ive tried more things than i can remember. Nothing works.

Or... nothing has worked.

And im starting to realize thats the key. Not some trainer on my ass, or another bummy improvement app. But hope. Hope, when kindled right, feeds to so many other things. Resilience, in the hope that things will improve. Discipline, in the hope that it'll all pay off. Sociability, in the hope to make some friends. Kindness, in the hope it can help.

But hope can lead you down darker paths too. Hope, burning bright, is ambition. But ambition, overwhelming, can turn to desire. And i let my hope get ahead of me. Looking at everyone else in this insane online world, my hope was changed. I began with a hope to create a story. Which turned into an ambition to amass an audience to love it as much as i did. And, as expected, kept evolving into a monster of jealousy, inferiority, and doubt.

Why can't I reach heights like them? Is mine not good enough? They have it all- why can't I just do what they did? Why won't it work?? How do I get them to listen? Something I'm doing wrong? Maybe I'm the problem? What if this is where it ends? Did I peak here? Did I do something wrong? Does this really matter???

It goes on and on. A monster, really. And when your passion project becomes an objective- a chore, is it really still from the heart?

...

this birthday has made me realize that i've gone down a wrong path. I got distracted, turned around, and now lost. but coming to that question- if any of it really matters, its never me that answers. rather. its my creations. why would they be here if it was all indifferent? why go through the labor that is constructing a story if it never meant anything? the sleepless nights of storyboards, countless sketch pages with a thousand portraits of one character? obligation does not drive that kind of devotion.

so for the first time in a while i looked inside my head for the answer. ignored the demon, the likes and ratios, and focused on this mysterious force instead. and there it was.

all of this was for hope.

my hope.

that my dreams would become real. my visions realized. and most of all, that somehow, it could help someone. anyone. even just one. because all i'd ever wanted was someone to help me. and if i could keep just one more person from growing up like me, that would be worth it all.

the purpose of Bluesleeves was not to attract fame, attention, or money, but to help. To convey a message (more like several, actually), to help people learn, and to make them wonder. entertainment is a powerful way to communicate knowledge, after all.

and while i can spend my birthday with this burden, wallowing in guilt over all the time i wasted and my simple misdirection, that wouldn't accomplish much. What matters is that i found my hope again. inevitably, i'll lose track again, and ill be lost once more. but what matters is that i dont stay there. that i keep moving. keep falling, but lifting my chin after every stumble.

this sounds sappy and awful, and honestly im losing my train of thought now, but i just needed to express this. for me. from me, to you. this is what ive been dealing with, and im sorry i havent been so active lately. it may be a while, but i promise you, im going to make it happen. i just need a stable mind before i keep up a stable posting schedule, haha.

some of this may help other people struggling similarly, or just be complete gibberish, i dont know!! because im sure not going back to read allat!! thank you, YOU, for reading this far. or if you skipped ahead down here, um, hi i guess.

thank you, every single one of you for your love and support. At the end of the day, no matter how hard, it still seems so impossible knowing that i've reached some of you with my stories. so out of this world that i could make you laugh, cry, smile... that i could make you feel. and that very impossibility means more than you could ever know 🫶

[g1deonthefirst]

character game: our girl g1deon obviously because I'm obsessed, but if someone else has sent him, then I submit hot sauce

favorite thing about them:

augh what's not to love. im a massive fan of quiet and stoic characters in general i was a sucker for g1deon right off the bat. similar to wake, i love his loyalty — the way he never could choose between john and p—, the way he sticks with what he believes in, the way he does what he thinks is right no matter what the people around him think of him.

least favorite thing about them:

the fact that he's loyal *to john* LMFAO. 10,000 years of basically being in charge of the military of the violent imperialist empire for a man who doesn't even respect him. and then he died for him!! embarrassing.

favorite line:

"I sometimes forget." the sheer amount of horror contained in that one sentence. ten thousand years of occasional memory loss has to do a number on you.

brOTP:

g1deon and anastasia! in my heart i believe that both of them and cassiopeia were working together on a better form of lyctorhood. maybe g1deon abandoned the possibility of it working, or maybe his compartmentalization of pyrrha wasn't as accidental as she believes. also g1deon and matthias nonius i know they have something fun going on in the river.

OTP:

g1deon/pyrrha/wake once again. g—'s loyalty toward p— pre-resurrection really gets me (even if as with john he really does NOT know how to pick em) and i think all the time about g1deon and wake; what he must have felt when she kissed him not knowing that he wasn't pyrrha, and the fact that he pursued an affair with her after that speaking to a desperation to be seen and the passion of their attempts to kill each other. lives in my head 24/7.

nOTP:

g1deon/augustine that man is fully racist i do not see it even a little bit.

random headcanon:

i imagine he's a he/him transfem butch and i like to think that he was a climate activist pre-resurrection (even if i think the probability of that actually being the case, given what we know about him as an aerospace engineer on john's project, to be slim).

unpopular opinion:

everybody should care about g1deon way the fuck more! he's the most interesting lyctor! he was a genius of a necromancer! and frankly i think the fandom's total sidelining of him and the theories that he's the cavalier speaks to the fandom's racism.

song i associate with them:

funny you ask because i do have an entire playlist.

favorite picture of them:

oh god i can't choose. i love this g1deon's nose ring. and the shape of this g1deon's face. but notedchampagne is the only one going hard enough with the facial hair that i've seen.

[theology101]

Okay listen, I have no art skill (and far too many projects to start a new one) BUT AHHH I CANT HELP MYSELF! With DnD, I can pretend by making worlds or different character sheet and I want to do the same with Warhammer 40 while lacking the skill to do so

Also, while I normally dislike OCs as a concept, a setting like 40k is kinda built around it, my OC can be absolutely pivotal to this major battle… also completely irrelevant cause the Imperium already lost like, thirty other planets cause some bureaucrat misfiled a form 3 centuries ago

Anyways! Meet my OC!

The Noble House of Bicarmion was one of a dozen Knightly houses of located on the planet of Caliban, although the family’s Knight had a few… quirks. Despite being in perfect combat condition, the Knight had two machine spirits installed on it. Initially, this was a deteiment as not only did a pilot need to fight to maintain control, there were two possible options for causing braindeath instead of one. While the Bicarmions were infamous for their much higher rate of failure when it came to Knight mastery, this did not always stay the same. As time went on, and the Gestalt conscious of the Knights grew and expanded with each dead pilot - creating a harder and harder Machine Spirit to master - Bicarmion’s unique mutation proved its worth.

Instead of having a singular Mind that would merge with the Pilot, there were two - with the Machine Spirits allowed to communicate, they began to differentiate themselves and, as more kinsmen were added to the Gestalt mind, the Pilot found themselves not being a Component slotted into the Machine Spirit inorder to give it will, but rather a more conversational bent. It was not a new Pilot coming to master a Machine Spirit who had nothing to do but fight (even its newest pilot psychically), it would be a bickering couple being forced to cooperate by the youngblood

By the time of Lion El’Johnson’s conquest - the Bicarmion’s a proud member of the Order for centuries (actually cause none of the other guilds wanted a family with such a high washout rate, and by the time that was fixed the animosity had built) - found themselves swept up in the fervor when the planet was unified and then the Emperor arrived in person.

Unwilling to abandon their oaths to the Lion, the Bicarmion’s joined the Imperium but, like the other houses of Caliban, insisted on staying with the Lion and his Dark Angels. By then, the two Machine Spirits had been affectionately named “Grandfather” and “Grandmother.” The Machine Spirits were a combination of their ancestors, and having their deadkinsmen - thousands of years of them at this point - were practically family.

They’ve stayed loyal since the Heresy and, due to the family occupying a very priveledged, if not powerful, position in the Imperium meant that many Bicarmions would go on to be Rogue Traders and Inquisitors… but they would always seek out the Knight of the House, to seek Wisdom from the revered Machine Spirits of the Knight, who all the family view as Kin. Since the Heresy and Lion El’Johnson leaving, the House has spent much more time around said groups sparking some concern of their loyalty to the Empire as they seemed to only be honoring themselves. On top of the Dark Angels already mysterious nature, the Bicarmions became more isolationist. However, with the return of the Primarchs, the house has been revitalized

Anyways im going to try to draw this knight at some point - but with different colors and some more aestehtic variations. Like for one, probably give it an axe and a chaingun, take off the Chaos branding with the family Coat of Arms, the despoiler is just my favorite. I’m thinking the standard grey but with much more color painted on with the family coat of Arms. After all, the Bicarmions have had the same coat of arms for centuries! They respect the Lion, but they’re not going to rebrand just for him!

Current pilot is Juilette Katrin Schtark-Feld of the Knightly House Bicarmion, she had been a pilot for about a year when Guiliman came back and is currently doing everything in her power, with grandma and grandpa yelling at her to go faster, to find El’Johnson and help atone

[ankiebitez]

realizing how much sense my amon quiet bpd hc makes to me bc beelzebub is Literally amons favorite person

which btw obviously his obsession with beelzebub is way more intense than it is for an actual fp but i think that the trauma he went through added on to that + with beelzebub not being around except for once every thousand something years it probably feels like just straight crack/dopamine to his brain everytime he sees him (speaking from experience here having a unstable relationship with ur fp is not for the weak)

big fan of projecting my own experiences onto characters i like man bc from what we've seen about him he seems like he just feels really lonely all the time unless beelzebub is around even if he's around friends or something and ive definitely felt that feeling before bc its just like. a Need for the approval of the one specific person that you feel like understands you best

and with beelzebub not wanting to stay in avisos thats definitely where the abandonment issues kick in bc even though avisos is a entire country of people and not just him,

amon would literally follow beelzebub around anywhere just because but beel wouldn't stay in avisos for amon, and that shit hurts .

i feel like it would be near to impossible to let go of the extreme attachment he has to beel if im being honest, letting go of a favorite person is already hard i couldn't imagine if it was someone id known for like hundreds of years too.

i also think that it would be sweet to see amon build up a healthy relationship with mc, he really just wants to feel affection and love from someone he cares about without having to beg for it or be scared that they'll leave if he blinks for a second and he deserves that man

(btw just gonna add in here this is all based on my own experiences with my bpd dont take any of this as like a definitive explanation of bpd i have other shit that probably got mixed in with this)

[queermccoy]

tagged by @newtkelly (100 years ago, sorry!!)

How many wips do you have currently?

three 911 fics, seven (ish) original work projects, technically one IT fic that i haven't updated in years (patrick/richie...im so sorry)

Which one are you finding the hardest to finish? Why do you think that is?

other than the abandoned IT fic, the eddie finds buck and tommy's joint dating profile for casual thirds fic. eddie's pov is...not coming naturally to me (virgo on virgo violence)

What does it usually look like when inspiration strikes for you?

you can tell i think i stumbled on something good because i get unbearably smug and wriggle my fingers like the deer from adventure time

Do you curate playlists for each fic or is your process different?

sometimes! i do sometimes make playlists if i'm feeling especially invested but most of the time i just throw on an album with a similar vibe to what i'm going for and call it a day. for example, i've been blasting chappell roan while working on the trucker au

Do you go balls to the wall and write as you go or are you more organized?

i only outline if it's going to be a more involved process, like more than a few thousand words and even then it's like. okay. i outline like i'm cher from clueless trying to describe a scene in my notes. it's so so so helpful to hear your idea with a valley girl vibe. especially when i'm working on something dramatic like, "okay so mitch burns lee's body after they break all of his ribs in a very like, sexy and manly way and then tear out his heart and then annie eats it. which is like, way gross but she doesn't throw up because she's a girl boss and a hero and maybe a witch"

tagging @buddiekinard @lurkerdelima @hearthouses @unprepossessed @augustmourn @ladyculebras

[wackymaci]

✨Blog rules: pwease no rebwoggy (anything, not just this post!)✨

No I can’t make all these posts unrebloggable cause otherwise how would I re-reblog myself eight thousand times. duhhhh— ANYWAY—

EDIT march'25, a full year after the previous edit lower on this post: okay clearly ive abandoned this project lowkey for now rip im uhhh. busy and insane. BUT NEVER SAY NEVER! post remains as follows for posterity uwuu

“ooo april wtf is this” hello trusted Friends and Confidants WELL some of you already know what I’ve been doing in my spare time but for those of you who had taken part in the Twitter exodus ahem aHEM,

THATS RIGHT IM… OHHHH MY GOD IM MAKING AN ELYSIUM WIKI???? like an actual wiki website which is just. insane honestly that I’m just Allowed To Do This for Some Reason—

I have not released the link to anyone just yet (except for Fenixe obviously) and I have not said a word about this on my actual tumblr nor my actual public twitter or my growing public Instagram - I want to make an actual formal announcement If And When this IS more completed bc on top of coding one billion things I also have. oh god so much to write.

I’ve started with the Maci page bc i figured it would be a good litmus to see how committed I actually wanted to be with this and I have… uhh STILLLLL been working on the Maci page so to be honest I don’t know if I’m actually completely on board with doing this whole thing as all of the 80 interlinked articles that’s gonna be involved BUT. to be more honest I’m also already kind of obsessed and so yknow what like. it’s gonna fuckin happen

probably (no it wont)

EDIT, MARCH’24: YEAH OKAY UHHH SUPER DISTRACTED AFTER ALL RIP RIP RIP By now this blog has ALSO turned into a haven to stack up some CANON CONVOS which I usually don’t EVER share, so at least this top secret space is being used for ssss…… something. LISTEN ITS JUST VIBES IN HERE—

anyway with twitter once again disintegrating like I said on Main Blog im gonna need Somewhere to put all my sneaky gushing about this project specifically cause I can’t talk about it anywhere else + general other sneaky gushing and so you know what yeah. priv tumblr IS the way to go.

I’ll prob crosspost some of the nonsense I’ve been rambling aboht on twt re ; this for the past two weeks in a bit but for nowwww here’s YOUR SUPER SECRET REVEAL FOR THIS BLOG and now I’m busyyyyyy………..👀

EDIT to add: all these preview snippets feature a litany of tragic backstories and so uh. trigger warnings for.,,, basically everything. proceed with caution. the entire wiki is doused in one million trigger warnings per page dw 🙃🙃 augh

RELEVANT CONTENT TAGS:

preview snippets: paragraphs snipped from wiki WIP, subject to be changed before publication but as sneak previews on here!

canon convos: real snips from the Elysiumverse SOURCE MATERIAL scripty rp’verse taken from my archives! These can ONLY be glimpsed here!

[bitchfitch]

I'm still running into the same issue I had when I first abandoned this draft last year. The characters are 90% of the way there but they just don't jive. even in stories about loss of agency the main character still needs to feel reactive and cognizant of their surroundings. This new draft makes Erasyl a more active player, the story now starts on the inciting incident of him choosing to make great personal sacrifice to save his kingdom instead of him being taken against his will. but once that scene ends, he's too passive.

I write scene 2, In it he is accepting of his fate, it's boring and bland.

I write scene 2 again, this time he fights it tooth and nail and it feels wrong. He chose this path and every protest puts his life and the lives of thousands of others in danger.

Again, I try for a middle ground. he's terrified but still trying to make it work. It poisons Maelgwn's characterization. He either needs to be stupid or needlessly cruel and neither of those traits Work within the rest of the story.

and uniformly is the lack of agency. I'm having trouble finding things for Erasyl to Do. after that first chapter, swapping him out for a sexy lamp wouldn't change the story much. He effects scenes in the short term, but very little long term effects can be built from his actions, beyond again, the one he takes as the inciting incident.

right now im extremely frustrated with the project as a whole. I think if I mess around with how the rest of the pack interacts with Erasyl, and find more ways to break him and Maelgwn away from each other over individual days that might fix some things?

Officially, the sorta clan doesn't have a leader. After the queen left with no heir Maelgwn, as her mate, stepped into her roll but never actually took the title of king. His rule having always been treated as a temporary measure until she came back. and also officially, he's not courting Erasyl. Erasyl is not his partner or in anyway equal to what Maelgwn was to the queen. but that doesn't mean the pack can't view him as though he were.

Maelgwn taking a new partner after the queen hasn't returned for over a century? Well I don't think it would be too far of a stretch for most people to just assume he's given up hope. He's king, their new chief is this weird hairless ape that doesn't speak their language and flinches if any of them get within five feet of him. But he's nice enough and even with the language barrier he is competent at directing pack activities and taking some of the leadership load off Maelgwn. Of course not everyone would be accepting of that and it'll start nine different types of shit.

It would give Erasyl a way to effect the world around them and conflicts that exist outside of his and Maelgwn's relationship while also creating more within the relationship that are less one-sided. It gives Erasyl leverage that he didn't have before because all eyes are on them and Maelgwn can't exactly get away with hurting or killing someone his pack believes to be his partner.

but that still doesn't solve the scene 2 problem. It would help afterwards, but I still need to figure out his character in those moments.

[milfronin-archive]

Hi Swan..... What does oldwood project consist of ?

hiiiiii sorry i've been on mobile all day and im just not going to type out a whole shpiel about this on mobile it sucks to do that.

Oldwood is my little big worldbuilding project consisting of the general premise of "Ages and ages ago, the kingdom of men and the kingdom of beasts were barred from cohorting because the reigning god the Weeper deigned it the natural order, men hunt beasts to sustain themselves, beasts hunt men to keep wit sharp. The weeper one day ceased any indication of being there so the kingdoms ignored its dogma and united, and things prospered. one day the weeper returned and saw this and was enraged by it, and in its fury struck the lands, creating an Enormous basin filled with massive, monolithic trees that swallow the sky, and the kingdoms are exiled into the forest."

[More under here]

The weeper's blow, however, left wells of aspects of its power remaining. these wells were found and discovered and they were adapted in various ways, the six of them, being flesh, love, ink, death, color, and iron. The developments led to the rise of the six houses, the houses of the surgeon, punished love, the tragic poet, the five deaths, the colored capitols, and the iron grate. [the names were derived from the titles given to certain areas of pompeii that were being excavated, i learned them ages ago at an exhibit and it was the foundation for everything.]

now the present is many thousands of years later, life has gone on, and people have learned to live in the forest of drowned joys, society has been basically established, and while the houses are not the Governing Bodies their leaders are incredibly prominent figures and their followers are typically very sworn to them, and the houses hold significant sway.

The house of the Surgeon is led by The Surgeon, a batfolk [of which are incredibly rarely seen in the forest, electing to live within the caves within the walls and beneath the basin that the forest is in] who was the runt of its litter, and always had a dubious fascination with meat, who was one of the people who was originally a part of the very first kingdoms who were actually exiled into the forest. it discovered the well of power of flesh, gaining an utter mastery over it incredibly quickly, using that to sustain itself over the years. it is one of the very, Very few people who remain who witnessed the very beginnings of the forest.

The house of Punished Love is led by the Punisher of Love, an enormous serpentfolk [who are also very rarely seen on account of the notably cool climate in the forest] who was scorned for her birth, left abandoned in the woods. she was taken in by someone else, who did not have any preconceived notions of her birth, who loved her for who she was. after his death she eventually discovered the well of love, her circumstances granting her a quick mastery of it similarly.

The house of the Tragic Poet is led by, as you can probably guess, the Tragic Poet, a large spiderfolk [once again, rarely seen, bugs are less frequently seen in the forest for the same reason as reptilian beastfolk, however they are more common than reptiles.] i'll admit i haven't developed it as much as the others but it would always write poetry, just writing and writing and writing, full to the brim of thought and finding the page its only solace. this naturally gave it easier control over the well of ink, that power granting one the ability to turn words to power.

The other three houses are a little more abstract with the heads of the houses.

The house of the five deaths is lead by five skeletons in coffins, inanimate but still very much alive, capable of communing with one another and with anyone who steps between all of them. Their background and motives are far less well known, all that's really known is that they were five very close knit people before they met their demises upon discovering the well of death, and they gather as many bones as they can.

The house of the Colored Capitols is led by the colored capitols, which are animate statues residing under obelisks in a city in a Much different clime, a sandy, stony town in a desert, all residing within a painting. One must don a veil before entering the painting, as gazing upon the colored capitols with unveiled eyes as one who comes from elsewhere will end you trapped within the painting. The colored capitols bicker between each other a lot about the origins of the painting with which they reside in, [and like everything else,] but it's generally agreed upon the prospect that there was a painter who found the well of color, used it to paint the painting, and was subsequently consumed by their work.

The house of the iron grate is led by the iron grate, or more specifically what resides Inside it. by far the most obscured of any information regarding its origin, there is a grate within a room in the bottom of the estate which is over a hole that leads into the ground. There is a ladder in the hole. If you stand on the grate, you can hear whatever is within whisper to you, if it deigns to. You will not remember what it says, what it sounds like, or anything of the sort, only what it wills. Sometimes, people are sent into the hole beneath the grate, if it is warranted. Those people do not ever return.

feel free to ask any other questions you have i have WAY more stuff this is just sorta the fundamentals ^_^

Here is the playlist for oldwood if you would like to listen to it!!!!!

in short

[bitterletters]

Prompt: Acceptance

(Assassin's Creed AU: aka I take liberties with the story because fuck you that's why. The Assassins have been defeated, there's none left and if there are Assassins they arent active. Abstergo was revealed to be Templars to the general public but by then Abstergo already had control over nearly every government and quickly took the chance to snugf out any rebellions, hence why Anya is being pursued, she is a rebel and shows a level of immunity like what Altair showed with Al Mualim. Theres more but im still working on shit and I am just gonna slowly release bits of writing in no particular order.)

Anya is dying. She has been dying since she touched that damned Apple. Maybe even before that, when she was seven in 2012 watching the sky light up as the solar flare that should have burned the world was stopped by a shield that burned so golden and determined it made the world shine. Though neither she nor her tired body had known it. But the fact remains, Anya is dying. If not from the first civilization technology that rips through her mind like a serrated blade, leaving her bleeding her mind out, then she will die from the Templars dogging her steps.

When she was younger, smaller, more hopeful, Anya had believed that someone would fight back against Abstergo, then later as the world watched Abstergo executed the Assassins one by one, she fought back too. In the ways most civilians who know nothing fight back. Graffiti, protests, calls to representatives who she soon understood were either templars or mouth pieces to the templars. After all, the Apples are capable of much. The one sitting in the bag on her side is attestment to that.

But there are no Assassins. No Brotherhood. No shadows foghting for the light. She sits in the temple beneath Masyaf, a miserable castle abandoned even by Templars who, upon being unable to open the door, moved on to better more certain projects. There is a skeleton wrapped in rotten robes sitting there, she wonders if the skeleton had a name, if they knew what the temple here was. What it really was, now that Juno wasn't in the Apple to control what one learned. Maybe they did know and thought to guard it. Or maybe the skeleton had just been tired like her and had just...drifted away.

Anya didn't think she'd get many answers if she queried the bones. And if she asked the Apple she was sure she'd die, the way it shredded information into her brain often left her reeling and vomiting. Juno and other Isu had used the Pieces of Eden to control humanity even thousands of years after their death, but their presence had meant that the Apple was controlled, now it was the flood of Noah's ark into the mind. Ask a question and gain every answer at once and in great detail. At best, it left her with a migraine for days, even weeks, after, at worst, it left her bleeding and sobbing.

Anya did not ask questions lightly anymore.

Instead she ignored the skeleton in their chair and sate with her back against a timeworn bookshelf, it was safe here in this strange Isu place under Masyaf. But it was empty and she knew it would not save her. Nothing would.

[zenryverse]

hi i know it’s been years but im just wondering if you’re still going to update danger on deck?

Hi! I would really really like to.......the thing is, this is, unfortunately (or fortunately, I suppose, depending on how you want to look at it), one of those "learn from your mistakes/failures" situations. Like, I have learned that I absolutely cannot be one of those people that post chapters as they're completed -- I like to change things too often. On top of that, I can't even reread the earlier chapters because I cringe too much, like my writing has vastly improved since I started that project years ago.

So I think the only way my cocktail of mental illnesses/perfectionism would allow me to continue is if I could do a reboot of sorts? Like, rewriting so it's more reflective of my current skill level and enacting some really minor changes so I can stitch up the plotholes younger, more inexperienced me didn't even realize she created. (But, if I did that, I would commit myself to finishing it. I've also done similar things in the past, and the fics still ended up abandoned/discontinued, so I'd learn from past mistakes with that as well, and not allow myself to post the updated version until I have a lot more of it finished).

If I decided to go that route, I couldn't start work on it until August or better, as I have too much going on with life and health to start right now :/

But truthfully, I'd really really like to do that, because this fic is near and dear to my heart, like. I would not have sixty thousand other zack/henry AUs if Danger on Deck didn't exist. And I still have all my notes, and outlines, and my doc with 72 pages of random scenes.

Regardless, I am beyond flattered/honored that there are people such as yourself that are still invested and would like to see more like--words cannot describe how much that truly means to me <3

[crossover-enthusiast]

Lmaooo yeah

As for Nancy—eh she's both just something for me to project all of my abandonment issues and trauma onto, and also because im transfem and I like making characters who are also transfem jdmdms

And Iris—I kinda made her because in a way, I strangely feel like her sometimes? I've gotten so used to the world by now that I can basically predict what's gonna happen, and often when pointing out things wrong with humanity, I speak as if I'm not even a human myself. And even though I haven't been in this world that long as far as I can tell, sometimes the world is so predictable its hard not to feel like I've been on it for thousands of years at this point. In other words, she's also a trauma projection oc. /lh /nav

Ooooh

Also damn that makes Iris even more wild /lh

[tiredfoxtf]

Sylvee - bracelet number [3].

[kohakhearts]

anyway after all these years i have a conceivable plot for the au of my dreams and it is taking ALL my practically nonexistent willpower to not start posting about it

[somecommonbitch]

y’all be real with me. would i be shooting myself in the foot if i started publishing another long multi chapter fic before i finish the one im currently posting

[violenceenthusiast]

im curious why people are saying supernatural is jewish like idk if jewish writers makes an inherently jewish story especially when things like following out the christian apocalypse from revelations and showing a real physical g-d who is just some guy i think is super jarring since though christians claim to be against idolatry they seem totally fine showing depictions of gd or whatever i dont get jesus honestly but jews are far more strict and the idea of showing gds appearance is pretty wrong

WOOF okay um. Maybe this is one of those Tone Doesn’t Come Thru Well Online things but to me this is soo fucking rude… I’m half way between John Mulaney we don't have time to unpack all of that & Ben Wyatt wait it’s gonna bother me if I don’t explain why you’re wrong. 

This turned into all my thoughts. 

So like. First off, it’s all fun and games. We’re all just joking and joshing and projecting here on destiel dot tumblr dot com and Jupernatural is not an exception in a lot of ways. And so when someone shits on what we’re doing here (yes, even unintentionally) what you get is what happened: oh you think you’re funny well I’m about to be hilarious!!! aka I’m gonna do it even more now out of spite specifically because you said not to. Like it really is all jokes but also you know what’s not a joke? Antisemitism in all its forms, even the casual shit! It’s really draining and it builds up in your veins!! Just. Yeah. You saw a lot of people talking about it today in particular because much like other topics of the day, one thing kicks off a whole other turn of events. So like. one misguided comment that’s playfully antisemitic and then one more little one, and then one big/obvious one launched us (Jewish spn fans) into a whole bigger discussion about antisemitism and erasure of Jews in the spn fandom writ large. It’s one thing to be descriptive, offer a headcanon/what if, or employ a certain mode of analysis. It’s another thing to definitively say This Is The Truth, specifically when to do so overrides something else, especially in this case when what’s being overridden is Jews, an ethnoreligious minority. It’s also another thing to talk over Jews. And mind this has been building for days. Not in a bad way just like, it’s been topical for days and then today one big thing pushed it over the edge to us actually posting abt it (partially bc at that point it’s a pattern, which feels like it needs to be addressed). Like, destiel tumblr is small we pretty much all see all the same posts, and then Jewish spn fans… we’re friends, we chat about life? We joke around together, y’know? If you’re being antisemitic (yes, even unintentionally) we’re all gonna hear abt it. It’s how we stay safe or in this case, curate the online exp.

That being said tho projecting on fiction is like fun and even a good thing at times, and def opens up new modes of analysis. But! the other big thing here is that there IS a LOT of evidence for a Jewish reading of spn, in a lot of ways, and particularly if you know what to look for. Like there’s lots of niche Jewish slang (non-Jews just don’t know these things, and that is a reflection primarily of the writers but once you put it in the script it implies things about the characters too of course), the theology of the early seasons (I’ll get to that in a second), main character motivations (hold on), “Moishe Campbell” implying Mary is (and therefore Sam and Dean are) Jewish, etc. 

It’s not surprising to me or anything that non-Jews don’t catch anything/everything Jewish about spn but that Jews catch both sides of it, because that’s just how being part of a marginalized group works. You learn about your own stuff AND the dominant culture’s stuff because that’s how you survive (socially, psychologically, literally). Members of the dominant culture don’t need to learn the marginalized one, are never confronted with it, and so they just.. don’t. I don’t even mean that in a normative or accusatory way, that’s just an observation on the state of things. Non-Jews who aren’t part of another marginalized religion, aka expressed xtians and cultural xtians, have a ton of misconceptions about Judaism, for example, “Jesus was Jewish” and not, “Jesus was an asshole of an apostate who made life harder for Jews at the time in a myriad of ways and whose movement has had a lasting negative impact on world Jewry (and other peoples) for the ensuing millenia”. I truly Don’t Have Time right now to get into the varied and intense history of antisemitism in all its forms but. the point I’m making here is that I’m not shocked I need to explain that life experience shapes your worldview?? So if you’re Jewish you’re always gonna be living life through that version of the world and it does impact you?? Same as anything else?? As unwell as they may be, spn writers aren’t exempt from that. Jewish people writing about xtianity are doing so thru a primarily Jewish understanding and vice versa. Jews can (and did!) write about xtian lore but in a Jewish way! Some core Jewish themes: wrestling with angels/G-d, questioning G-d, IF there’s a G-d they will have to beg MY forgiveness, the afterlife isn’t really a big thing so all that matters is your time on earth, make amends to others directly and thru your actions rather than seeking absolution with G-d, you are not obligated to complete the work nor may you abandon it, etc… So that’s the other reasoning why we say “spn is Jewish” based solely on it being written by Jews. Rather than Death of The Author, let’s look at what the author has imbued the story with, both intentionally and unintentionally. And re: Chuck and idolatry… I don’t even know where to start with the way you phrased this but. the Jewish Spn Writers of Note are apparently Kripke, Gamble, and Edlund. All of whom stopped writing for the show years before the Chuck Is God plot! 

Like yes it feels very stupid to be writing a thousand words on antisemitism and supernatural but like. this is a spn blog run by a Jew so. This whole thing is also just the same every time. This is very representative of typical casual antisemitism.

[96thdayofrage]

WAR DAY 7️⃣1️⃣8️⃣1️⃣ 🍬 "That the lie of Israel continues to be embraced by the ruling elites—there is no daylight between statements in defense of Israeli war crimes by Nancy Pelosi and Ted Cruz—and used as a foundation for any discussion of Israel is a testament to the corrupting power of money, in this case that of the Israel lobby, and the bankruptcy of a political system of legalized bribery that has surrendered its autonomy and its principles to its major donors. It is also a stunning example of how colonial settler projects, and this is true in the United States, always carry out cultural genocide so they can exist in a suspended state of myth and historical amnesia to legitimize themselves.

"The Israel lobby has shamelessly used its immense political clout to demand that Americans take de facto loyalty oaths to Israel. The passage by 35 state legislatures of Israel lobby-backed legislation requiring their workers and contractors, under threat of dismissal, to sign a pro-Israel oath and promise not to support the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions movement is a mockery of our Constitutional right of free speech. Israel has lobbied the U.S. State Department to redefine anti-Semitism under a three-point test known as the Three Ds: the making of statements that 'demonize' Israel; statements that apply 'double standards' for Israel; statements that 'delegitimize' the state of Israel. This definition of anti-Semitism is being pushed by the Israel lobby in state legislatures and on college campuses.

"The Israel lobby spies in the United States, often at the direction of Israel’s Ministry of Strategic Affairs, on those who speak up for the rights of Palestinians. It wages public smear campaigns and blacklists defenders of Palestinian rights–including the Jewish historian Norman Finkelstein; former U.N. Special Rapporteur for the Occupied Territories, Richard Falk, also Jewish; and university students, many of them Jewish, in organizations such as Students for Justice in Palestine.

"The Israel lobby has spent hundreds of millions of dollars to manipulate U.S. elections, far beyond anything alleged to have been carried out by Russia, China or any other country. The heavy-handed interference by Israel in the American political system, which includes operatives and donors bundling together hundreds of thousands of dollars in campaign contributions in every U.S. congressional district to bankroll compliant candidates, is documented in the Al-Jazeera four-part series 'The Lobby.' Israel managed to block 'The Lobby' from being broadcast.

"In the film, a pirated copy of which is available on the website Electronic Intifada, the leaders of the Israel lobby are repeatedly captured on a reporter’s hidden camera explaining how they, backed by the intelligence services within Israel, attack and silence American critics and use massive cash donations to buy politicians. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu secured the unconstitutional invitation by then-House Speaker John Boehner to address Congress in 2015 to denounce President Barack Obama’s Iranian nuclear agreement.

"Netanyahu’s open defiance of Obama and alliance with the Republican Party, however, did not stop Obama in 2014 from authorizing a 10-year $38 billion military aid package to Israel, a sad commentary on how captive American politics is to Israeli interests."

—Shift to the Far-Right

"The investment by Israel and is backers is worth it, especially when you consider that the U.S. has also spent over $6 trillion during the last 20 years fighting futile wars that Israel and its lobby pushed for in the Middle East. These wars are the greatest strategic debacle in American history, accelerating the decline of the American empire, bankrupting the nation at a time of economic stagnation and mounting poverty, and turning huge parts of the globe against us. They serve Israel’s interests, not ours.

"The longer the mendacious Israeli narrative is embraced, the more empowered become the racists, bigots, conspiracy theorists and far-right hate groups inside and outside Israel. This steady shift to the far right in Israel has fostered an alliance between Israel and the Christian right, many of whom are anti-Semites. The more Israel and the Israel lobby level the charge of anti-Semitism against those who speak up for Palestinian rights, as they did against British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn, the more they embolden the real anti-Semites.

"Racism, including anti-Semitism, is dangerous. It is not only bad for the Jews. It is bad for everyone. It empowers the dark forces of ethnic and religious hatred on the extremes. Netanyahu’s racist government has built alliances with far-right leaders in Hungary, India, and Brazil, and was closely allied with Donald Trump. Racists and ethnic chauvinists, as I saw in the wars in the former Yugoslavia, feed off of each other. They divide societies into polarized, antagonistic camps that only speak in the language of violence. The radical jihadists need Israel to justify their violence, just as Israel needs the radical jihadists to justify its violence. These extremists are ideological twins.

"This polarization fosters a fearful, militarized society. It permits the ruling elites in Israel, as in the United States, to dismantle civil liberties in the name of national security. Israel runs training programs for militarized police, including from the United States. It is a global player in the multibillion-dollar drone industry, competing against China and the United States.

"It oversees hundreds of cyber-surveillance startups whose espionage innovations, according to the Israeli newspaper Haaretz, have been utilized abroad 'to locate and detain human rights activists, persecute members of the LGBT community, silence citizens critical of their governments, and even fabricate cases of blasphemy against Islam in Muslim countries that don’t maintain formal relations with Israel.'

"Israel, like the United States, has been poisoned by the psychosis of permanent war. One million Israelis, many of them among the most enlightened and educated, have left the country. Its most courageous human rights campaigners, intellectuals and journalists—Israeli and Palestinian—endure constant government surveillance, arbitrary arrests and vicious government-run smear campaigns. Mobs and vigilantes, including thugs from right-wing youth groups such as Im Tirtzu, physically assault dissidents, Palestinians, Israeli Arabs and African immigrants in the slums of Tel Aviv. These Jewish extremists have targeted Palestinians in the Sheikh Jarrah neighborhood, demanding their expulsion.

"They are supported by an array of anti-Arab groups including the Otzma Yehudit Party, the ideological descendant of the outlawed Kach party, the Lehava movement, which calls for all Palestinians in Israel and the occupied territories to be expelled to surrounding Arab states, and La Familia, far-right soccer hooligans. Lehava in Hebrew means 'flame' and is the acronym for 'Prevention of Assimilation in the Holy Land.' Mobs of these Jewish fanatics parade through Palestinian neighborhoods, including in occupied East Jerusalem, protected by Israeli police, shouting to the Palestinians who live there 'Death to the Arabs,' which is also a popular chant at Israeli soccer matches.

"Israel has pushed through a series of discriminatory laws against non-Jews that echo the racist Nuremberg Laws that disenfranchised Jews in Nazi Germany. The Communities Acceptance Law, for example, permits 'small, exclusively Jewish towns planted across Israel’s Galilee region to formally reject applicants for residency on the grounds of “suitability to the community’s fundamental outlook.”' Israel’s educational system, starting in primary school, uses the Holocaust to portray Jews as eternal victims. This victimhood is an indoctrination machine used to justify racism, Islamophobia, religious chauvinism and the deification of the Israeli military.

"There are many parallels between the deformities that grip Israel and the deformities that grip the United States. The two countries are moving at warp speed towards a 21st century fascism, cloaked in religious language, which will revoke what remains of our civil liberties and snuff out our anemic democracies. The failure of the United States to stand up for the rule of law, to demand that the Palestinians, powerless and friendless, even in the Arab world, be granted basic human rights mirrors the abandonment of the vulnerable within our own society."

_____

🍬 Chris Hedges: Israel, the Big Lie. Israel is not exercising “the right to defend itself” in the occupied Palestinian territories. It is carrying out mass murder, aided and abetted by the U.S. Original to ScheerPost, republished in Consortium News, May 14, 2021.

https://consortiumnews.com/2021/05/14/chris-hedges-israel-the-big-lie/