#IM NOT EMOTIONALLY PREPARED FOR THIS RN

[superfluouskeys]

GOD THIS IS GOING TO BE MY 100TH FIC ON AO3

[algrenion]

me: im depressed and i have art block for drawing i guess i will try to write instead

the writing: bro this is just your own severe traumas portrayed through fictional characters you relate to & love at a distance

me:

[fruityfroggy]

Not to flex but…

WTF?? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK I THOUGHT THOSE VIDEOS WERE FAKEEE

HUH??? WHAT??? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??? WTF JUST HAPPENED TO ME??? AAAAAAAHH

[nebs-shitposts]

i have this thing where if i have a lot of intense feelings about a piece of media i will procrastinate consuming it and engaging with it for as long as humanly possible until i decide i'm emotionally prepared to feel said intense feelings

[27-royal-teas]

im so glad they made it! however . there is no way I am staying awake until three am to see their set. someone tell me what the eight ball and medley is in the morning .

[vigilskeep]

omg my babygirl is here... (op is referring to a large angry reaver man)

[partickleaccelerator]

I’m gonna vent a lil

[hermitdrabbles56]

Featuring: MidLink, Twilight&Warriors qpr, hurt/comfort, blood loss, blood and injury, loopy talk, old and new memories

"Would you stop squirming and hold still you stupid wolf!" Midna chides as she tries to keep ahold of the Hylians arm. 

That puppy like whine escapes him as he tries to stop fidgeting. Each little tug of the bandages pulling at the raw wounds as the imp carefully patches him up. The crackling fire illuminating her in a way that the monoton lighting of the twilight just doesn't seem to achieve. But here in the dead of night, beneath a starry moonless black sky. Surrounded by the tall grass of Hyrule field. The light dances off her in such a special way. 

Despite how tired he is, how much every little movement hurts. Between cracked ribs, bruised limbs, and the deep gashes torn into his torso and various other places. Watching her methodically wrapping the bandages around his torn up arm ends up putting a small smile on his face. 

"What's with the stupid look?" She mumbles with a small frown as she glances at him. 

He smiles more, looking every bit like a dopey dog. "Y'er soft.." 

A startled bawlk of confusion escapes her. "I'm what?!" 

"Y'er soft.." He says with a tired little giggle. "Ya like t' think y're all cool an' mysterious but y're jus soft." 

"I am not soft!" 

"Yeah ye are, y're really jus, so soft. And ya care and y're sweet! Ya just act like a big grouch.." 

"Oh gods blood loss makes you loopy. Did you really loose that much? Are you going to live?!" 

Despite the little imps' concern Link couldn't help but smile even more. Giggles escaping him once again. It was nice to see how much she cared. Seeing the sweet under all of her sourness. 

Things were getting more and more dangerous, the injuries were starting to pile up. The ability to keep potions on him more difficult, and the time to travel to springs and supply spots is getting less and less even with the portals. 

At the start he'd bandage his wounds in silence and mend his armor when he couldn't sleep for fear of what could jump out of the shadows. Such a routine quickly became something that kept him sane, so he didn't even realize when she started helping. When she'd take over wrapping the bandages because his hands were shaking. Pulling thorns and teeth from his body and rubbing salves on his burns. 

Rather than waking up curled up in the dirt beneath Epona's feet alone and cold. He'd find her curled up with him like a cat during the night, staying as long as possible before the light would chase her into his shadow. 

"Oh, oh gods no don't do that! Put those back there's no need for any of your stupid human leaking! You're losing enough fluids as it is!" Midna frets with a forced tone of annoyance. Her small hands wiping at the damp streaks now covering his cheeks. 

That's funny? When did he start crying. Another soft chuckle escapes him as he leans into her hands unintentionally. Large warm tears continuing to well up more and more. Truth be told he doesn't have the energy to try and stop them, but try he does, at least for her sake. 

"What is with you! Seriously this shit spills out of you faster than blood.." Midna hisses though it's still far more concerned than annoyed. 

"'M sorry…jus sometimes they jus, kinda come out ya know? Kinna hard t' stop em once they're goin." He manages with a weak but wet laugh. 

"I do not know. I'm above them.." She huffs. 

That thought just makes him sad, his smile falling a bit. He knows very much how often she feels emotions. That she bottles all of them up and turns them into anger and sarcasm. 

Before he's really aware of what he's doing his arms are around her. Holding her close as he can without squeezing her too tightly, not that he has the strength to smother her with affection right now. Even so the surprised squeak he gets out of her is enough to get a choked giggle out of him. 

"Link! What are you doing!" Midna squawks as she tries to wiggle out of his hold without hurting him further. 

Link lets out another soft chuckle, resting his forehead on her small shoulder. "M' sorry…jus..j-jus 'member ya don't hafta be 'bove it all when yer with me…" 

The little imps wiggling stills as she lets out a soft sigh. Her small hand gently patting the top of his head before her little fingers card through his hair a bit.

"Alright you stupid little wolf…" She murmurs with a surprising amount of gentleness as she rests her head against his. "Get some sleep….we'll get you somewhere safe in the morning…and I'll keep the monsters at bay for now.." 

°•○•°

"Okay, okay buddy you're gonna be just fine..I just need you to calm down okay?" Warriors manages in as calm a tone as he can muster. 

Blood seeps through the deep blue of the blonde's scarf as he presses it firmly against the ragged wound torn into Twilight's chest. Staining his nimble fingers a bright crimson. 

"Mm..'s kinda hard when there's 'n adrenlin fairy flittin 'bout" Twilight slurs as his eyes travel around in a panick. Scanning the battlefield for signs of their friends.

They'd landed in Warriors Hyrule, dropped right in the middle of a battle. Time had been torn asunder again and it was sheer chaos, monsters from all of their worlds tearing through forces like paper. They'd gotten separated from one another pretty quickly. 

"Adrenaline fairy? Is that what you said?" Warriors asks with the small bit of amused exasperation he manages to muster. That ever so faint bell like ring to his words soothing Twilight at least a bit. "Please dear farmer, tell me that isn't actually where you think adrenaline comes from?" 

A pained but honest chuckle escapes the ranch hand as he lets his head plop back against the boulder holding him upright. "Makes sense don't it? 'S like a spell hits ya out of nowhere 'n doesn't ware off easy..mean we've…we've seen butterflies that can stave off..the cold….an frogs that k-keep yah wake…why not drenlin..fairies..?" 

More giggles escape him as he continues to ramble on. Part of him just wishing his brother would stop looking at him like he's dying. 

"Okay…okay big guy..whatever you say okay? Just uh…just use that fairy to keep awake okay? We'll get you a potion really soon here.." Warriors says with a nod, his melodic voice trembling slightly. 

"Heyyy…hey 'm okay…I'll be okay..I've..I've had worse….I think..certainly felt worse. So 'm kay…okay..?" Twilight says as he presses his shaking hands over the Captains. 

"Don't you dare start trying to comfort me." Warriors frowns with a shake of his head as he tries to make sure he's pressing as hard as he can against the wound. 

"Ya look so sad tho..." Twilight says with that sad puppy dog whine as he lets his head drop forward slowly. Plopping his forehead against his brothers so he can properly see those fierce crystal blue eyes, that are maybe getting just a little blurry because of the bloodloss. "Don't be sad…no reason t' be sad…" 

"I'm…I'm holding your skin together as you bleed out before my eyes! H-how…I'm..I'm watching my brother die and you expect me not to be sad!!" Wars croaks, that bell like sound rattling with a desperation the other doesn't like hearing. 

"'M not dying…no sir..not me.." Twilight murmurs.

"Twi you're!-" 

"Didja…did ya realize..how pretty yer voice is..?" Twilight interrupts without meaning to. 

"What..?"

"Yer voice…sounds like magic..it's all strong an…an commanding….specially..when yer usin that outdoor voice….it sounds like music! Is…'s really hard t' be mad atcha sometimes..specially when yer bein….'noyin..cuz the…the bells sound so happy…" 

Warriors cheeks flare a bright red as he tries to focus on the injury again. "Really?! Now is when you go on about something like that?! Now is not the time you stupid wolf!" 

Twilight can't help the chuckles that rumble out of him no matter how much they hurt. Squeezing the Captains hands as the wobbly giggles keep coming. 

"Oh my….all this time and blood loss still makes you loopy." 

The sweet feminine voice stills his laughter. All of the air being torn from his lungs at once. 

Warriors pulls his head away from his brother and looks towards the voice. Relief filling his composure. "Midna! Thank the goddesses..please, please tell me you have a health potion on you?!" 

"I do..don't worry he'll be alright."

Twilight's eyes fill with tears as he watches the princess come into view. The ruler of twilight kneeling beside him with ease and grace, almost as if she hadn't been missing from his life all these years. 

"Sweet wolf…did you miss me that much..?" She whispers softly as thin baby blue fingers begin to card through his hair. 

"Yer…yer really here..?" He manages on a choked sob. Immediately leaning into her touch as heavily as he can. 

"Yes you silly farm boy…I'm right here.." She murmurs as she carefully shifts closer to him. "Drink this for me okay..? You'll feel a little better…." 

Carefully she gets him to drink down the sour red liquid. His pain slowly starting to eb away a bit with each passing second. 

"It won't heal you all the way…but it'll be much better in a few minutes.." She whispers as she looks him over. "I've also got some bandages..so we're going to fix you up a bit alright?"��

He manages a small nod, the tears still falling heavily as he does. Time passes in a blur after that as his brother, and the woman he misses so dearly, carefully get him undressed bandaged and redressed in an efficient fashion. Apparently he even passed out at one point during the process. Because when he wakes there's a small fire lighting the gloomy little area. He can hear and see that more of his brothers had found them. Piled together and sleeping soundly in a couple different cuddle piles. 

He can feel Wars hanging onto him with a strong arm around his waist. That golden halo of hair telling him the Captains face is currently buried in his stomach, and he's at least calm enough that he's breathing evenly. He can also smell that it's Wild who's pressed up against his back in a tight little ball despite the fact he's nearly laying on him, but that's where his investigation stops. His eyes already beginning to water as he slowly looks up at the ethereal figure carding fingers through his hair again. 

Midna has him held in her lap with a pillow, his cheek resting against her stomach as he gazes at her. Her hood is down, showing that shaggy spiky red hair of hers that she usually keeps hidden aside from her long flowing ponytail. 

"You light dwellers and your emotions.." She whispers as she gently brushes away some of his tears. "Stop that now..you've lost enough fluids as it is…" 

He sniffles a bit and nuzzles into her touch. Closing his eyes tightly for only a moment before opening them again, afraid that if he looks away for too long she'll disappear again. 

"...It's okay..I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere for a while.." She whispers. 

"...promise..?" He murmurs softly. 

"I promise….so just sleep, Little Beasty…..I'll keep the monsters at bay for you.."

[m-4-gp-13]

i am a sham, it took until today for me to order my copy of the sunshine court. if this series has taught me anything, its that things can always be worse than expected so im scared to find out

[wiredalienvampire]

In light of for the future coming out in a few minutes please tag your toh spoilers bc they're will be ppl who haven't seen it yet!!! Just pls make sure to tag your spoilers!

[ecchigf]

[youremyheaven]

I need some advice. I feel like I'm dying. Going through the worst period cramps ever (never had this in the past 11 years), it literally feels like someone is stabbing my cervix, uterine walls and the pathway walls (I feel a bit shy calling it what it is...like a normal woman). Its so bad, I've never had it like this before. Has to do with the fact I was having isues, doc put me on meds, as soon as the dosage was done: red sea spilleth over.

Know any home remedies to help? Or just any other advice to deal with this? Can't go to the doc rn, she'll suggest to hold off pain meds, I am taking over the counter anti-inflammatory stuff..yk the one for fevers and other pains. Its not working. Its been so debilitating...I can't sleep, sit, breathe, do anything...yk the type of pain that makes you bend and make your mouth water...idk if that happens to anyone else but yeah....

OMGGG 😩😨😨😓that sounds soooo rough, I hope you're feeling better now???

I have taken meftal spas for cramps since I was maybe 16-17 years old. Idk if that's available in other parts of the world??? but its widely available in India and its specifically for period cramp induced pain<333 I'm not a doctor so pls don't take any medication without exercising caution first!!! you may not react well to it or it may have adverse effects bc of the medication you're already taking ://// 😩😩

on that note, practicing yin yoga (which focuses on releasing stress from the hip area/psoas muscles) has greatly changed my reproductive system as a whole tbh, my sex drive changed, my relationship with my body changed (like even the way i walk changed bc my hips loosened up, which meant i walked more "freely" dont tell me its woowoo,, yk can just tell when someone's body is very "frozen" or "stiff" looking) and yesss my menstrual cycle was immensely affected by it.

i used to have HORRIBLE cramps, irregular cycles, HEAVY bleeding etc in my mid-late teens (this was because of trauma + eating disorder, in case u wanted to know) and now? my period is 3 days long, light bleeding, little to no pain and i attribute alllll of that to yoga<3

now i specifically like to do certain mudras and asanas (poses) which are supposed to help the female body specifically

and while this can help u when u are on your period, i suggest making it part of your lifestyle and living according to your monthly cycle's phases so that you can experience smoother periods. i dont think its realistic to do them if you're experiencing immense pain 😭

Legs-Up-The-Wall Pose (Viparita Karani)

This pose is known for increasing blood flow to the pelvic region which helps enhance the health of your reproductive organs.

2. Baddha konasana aka butterfly pose

helps the uterus<333

3. balasana or child's pose

tbh this might actually help even if ur ON your period, lying down like this is soooo soothing and comforting. ppl overcomplicate yoga, when the reality is that holding your body in certain poses can emotionally feel very comforting/freeing/nourishing etc but then again im only familiar with yin yoga/restorative yoga (there are manyyyy different types of yoga)

4. happy baby pose

as the name suggests this is how babies lay down and they seem happy for no reason,, i remember the first time i consciously did this pose and i was like???? this is yoga??? bc i would randomly do poses like these for no reason in bed (im sure we all do when we're bored) and if i intentionally do it?? its actually good for me??

again this pose helps with the hip muscles!!! the female body is always preparing for childbirth. regardless of whether or not you want to be a mom, taking care of your womb health and reproductive well being is CRUCIAL bc whether we like it or not we were designed this way and dont think of it as "preparing my body to bear children" just think of it as "preparing my body to be at its best" (the bearing kids is just a bonus) .. the state of your womb affects your whole being!!! its not a joke!!!

now here's some mudras:

yoni mudra

yoni means womb and as u can see, this pose imitates the 🫣🫣 its a highly beneficial mudra for women and helps with overall pelvic health. you can do it sitting cross legged. i like to chant mantras and do this pose,, it kicks in quicker or smthng idk 😳but it feels ✨

2. prana mudra

do this mudra on both hands btw!!

prana means life force

this mudra helps with overall immunity and pain management!!!

3. prithvi mudra

prithvi means earth and this mudra helps balance the earth element in your energetic system which means its gives you strength, resilience and physical energy (in case u feel tired, fatigued etc for no reason) as those are the qualities of the earth

now for some pranayamas

Bhramari/ honeybee buzzing

this is my fav bc its so simple and easy to do!! and who doesn't want to buzz like a bee??? 🥰😍

2. anulom vilom

this is also a very simple pranayam for beginners

the whole idea is to get your body into a state of relaxation so that you dont operate from a place of stress or anxiety. you can just feel peaceful all the time. imagine being that unbothered!!

sorry for going off on a tangent (me with every post lmao) these are some beginner friendly yoga asanas/mudras/pranayamas (all of which are diff components of yoga) that u can try when u feel comfortable!!

NOW about alleviating pain ASAP:

hot water bag

put that thing on ur stomach and lie down (after taking medicine) my mom used to do this all the time and it helped her a lot

2. roobois tea

i drink roobois tea almost everyday hehe but its said to help alleviate menstrual cramps 🤔and lower blood pressure,,

3. chamomile tea

is also said to help with period pain :o

4. look into your diet, sleep, overall lifestyle

you may not have had pain of this sort before but babe NOW UR A WOMAN ✨and u have to look at your lifestyle and ensure that its something that helps a woman's body feel rested and calm

being stressed all the time can take a physical toll on you and lead to all kinds of diseases later in life!! its in your best interest to RELAX

idk how much this helped 😭😭the most convenient thing to do would be to take medicine but u said u can't so :((( hot water bag + roobois tea???

ALSOOOO always wear socks during your period and keep your feet covered. i have sensitive feet so i wear socks at home often (this is uncommon in india, where we have a tropical climate lmao) BUT KEEP THOSE FEET COVERED,, there's some kind of science behind it but i dont remember it lmao,, all i know is that it makes me bleed less<333 and have more cozy periods and sleep better<33

ALSOOOO,, this could be an old wives tale but it worked for me (but im also delusional😍) eating dark chocolate and/or having a spoon of oil on day 1 of your period makes your period go smoothly?? 😭😭😭there's no harm in trying hehe

ALSOOO and ive never tried this but heating up like a tablespoon of oil and applying it to the bellybutton area 😳😳can help alleviate period pain 😳😳

lastly and most importantly, im just a girlblogger and NOT A MEDICAL EXPERT so pls dont put urself in an adverse position bc of something i said 😭😭😭

love always,

heaven ✨

[osarina]

you're gonna get me gushing over you for a second, so STICK WITH ME.

badlands made me go through the five stages of grief and i'm scared to even move onto unreal unearth. like, i KNOW i'm gonna cry, and i'm not emotionally prepared for it.

but in all seriousness, badlands (and waterloo as a whole) is so phenomenal; it's like, becoming my new roman empire. i don't know if i have ever been so in love with dazai before, but if i wasn't already, it completely sold me.

the attention to detail, the dialogue, the characterization was so fantastic. like, when i wasn't gaping at the plot details, i was fangirling over your writing style, because it was legitimately so perfect. like, please LEND ME some of your characterization prowess. (and i'm obsessed with the dialogue as someone who is terrible at writing it).

phenomenal. 10/10. added to the list of works i wish i could read for the first-time all over again.

╥﹏╥

muse when i tell you ive read ur ask like 40 times and each time never fails to make me weep ilysm my heart feels so big & warm rn it makes me so happy that u enjoyed it waterloo is genuinely my baby and i always get so nervous posting each part like i kid u not sit here having to hype myself up to post them HAHAH it’s a little embarassing but this fic - more than any other i’ve written - rlly feels so much like sharing a part of myself with u guys so it literally makes me weep when i hear that you enjoyed it

AND ACTUALLY ITS SO FUNNY U MENTION DIALOGUE BECAUSE I ACTUALLY AM SO INSECURE ABOUT MY DIALOGUE HAHHHAHH LIKE i literally sit here having a conversation w myself sometimes & im like “would someone RLLY say that” or “is this RLLY a natural flow of convo it seems so forced” and i double guess and rephrase it like 40 times LOLLL like i kid u not sometimes i speak the dialogue out loud acting out the part trying to figure out if its actually natural or not HAHAHH

but muse i adore you so much truly thank you so much 🥹 i am literally going to treasure ur ask forever

[griancraft]

Ok as per my last post. This is Long and very much about my feelings so uh don’t read it if you don’t want to. Also I’m aware I sound genujneky crazy for half of this I’m just really really mentally ill in ways I don’t talk about here at all and now I am sharing them and it’s. A little scary but oh well. The system stuff is the stuff I’m most concerned about right now to be honest bc it effects my day to day and if anyone has any kind words or thoughts on what to do I’ll be happy to listen

Please read my previous post if you’re mad /gen I don’t think I say anything bad here but I have really bad morality ocd so like uhm I am scared to post this!!! Prev post

Also I’m very sorry that the prose is terrible to read and my spelling is shit I have dyspraxia which is a coordination thing and it’s worse rn

The maybe I was boring album came on yesterday while I was cleaning and I had to stop what I was doing and turn it off halfway through because I just couldn’t stop hearing an admission. I wasn’t even sad I was just. So done with it. I still am just kinda like. God I hope Shelby is doing ok with all this being public now. I’m glad she was able to heal like she said and I’m glad she made the video dude.

I almost got his lyrics tattooed if that’s testament to how much I loved his early music. It’s not connecting in my brain that this music that’s been apart of my life for like 4 years and helped me through so much was made by an abuser.

But like, in retrospect you can see it. I can’t bear to delete ycgma off my mp3 player bc I related to his songs so much as an abused lonely teenager but I also can’t bare to listen to it. I learned the fall on my guitar as my final exam and I used to repeat his lyrics to myself to cope with abuse and I wish I could still love these songs. I dressed like his dsmp character bc I thought it made me look cool. Which is lame as fuck to admit now lol

Originally I was planning on pirating them and I like, can’t especially after that manipulative ass statement. How much was an act? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m a bad person because I still kinda do want to listen to that music again. I still want to feel that safe but I know I won’t feel that way anymore.

with dsmp stuff I think I’m going to be still able to look back fondly on it generally and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. The community was what made it and the community is what I loved, and i still do. I don’t think I’m going to reblog art of him specifically but if he’s in it I might. Idk. My policy on dream fanart is if he’s not alone in the art and it’s dsmp or mcc related I reblog so I guess I’ll continue that here. Im sorry if that sounds callous I just. Am not prepared to talk about this so I’m going back and forth

And like. We also have a wilbur factive/fictive and we have for years now and nobody in our system knows how to feel about that. He formed to fill the role of a big brother (I was being heavily emotionally neglected at that point and needed someone to be there for me) and protector from my parents abuse. Obviously, he is entirely separate from his source now bc alters change a lot for me but how we picture him is still wilbur. he’s literally just some guy now but grappling with that connection is fucked up dude it’s weird. He’ll probably further distance himself but it still fucking sucks and I don’t know how to communicate the cognitive dissonance we had to push through bc our brain struggled at first to make sense of how this person who we liked so much that he became the template for a Protector to shield us from the emotional neglect and abuse, essentially, is a terrible person. I’m sorry I know people who aren’t systems, and some who are ngl, will find this fuckibg nuts and I get that but we’re a very very internal person like I just. Kinda am with us as a system a lot and nobody else. It feels like my safe space that I’ve created in my head has been marred. Also. uhm. Our alters speak in distinct voices so it’s bad bad for me rn and we are trying to fix it. I know I know fictives and factives arenttheir source but that doesn’t change that it makes me feel gross. I’m rambling rn I’m sorry. Support Shelby.

[mihai-florescu]

enstars analyses uhmmm i think we should spend more time talking about what dreams mean to characters ^^ it is In The Name. but i mostly think about how ritsu's issues with emotional dependency and wilfulness, all this stuff where he plays up his emotionality (??) are both result of and like an.. acting out of ... trauma from being u know. a chronically ill kid. with an absent family? and literally like two people who would visit him? and the isolation he would understandably feel; and the dependence he would have on those only points of connection--and he can't control those--i think it's interesting and i love ritsu. it's like, sometimes he acts like he chose to be how he is but a lot of it is out of his hands. hi i hope the rest of ur day goes well :>

Disclaimer post writing an answer, my mind drifted away while writing and i ended up just kinda Pondering and Rambling. Im sorry if it seems a bit scattered and all over the place, that's my mind rn. Ok, let's see what i actually said now.

Sometimes i think about how the war wouldnt have played out the same had rei never left ritsu to try to find doctors and cures for him (which led to breaking the promise of staying with ritsu that ultimately changed everything in their relationship forever). I wonder if rei would have ever even been in the cemetary and met keito had he just stayed to take care of ritsu. I also wonder if keito and rei would ever bond about having someone dear to them be sick. And had rei stayed, ritsu wouldnt have been upset and willing to give eichi advice on how to take him down. Would there had even been a war if Keito hadnt met Rei, or if the student council hadnt figured out how to send rei away. Would rei even be a protagonist if he hadnt left ritsu, if he had just stayed home in obscurity as well (i dont think so, and the story is built on the existence of these extraordinary characters, by the characters who arent, but are willing to make their way into the narrative nevertheless and achieve their dreams) One action's ripple effects etcetc.

Sorry i realise this was got way off topic from your original ask. I think i will continue to be off topic because i cant stop the train of thought ive embarked upon at this tardy post midnight time. I think eichi and ritsu are an underrated duo... they helped each other take steps towards their dreams afterall. During checkmate eichi giving a harsh wakeup call to ritsu in regard to being in his brother's shadow unless he does something himself to prove he's alive (top 10 eichi mean moments where he's also projecting onto the other person his own issues... not that he was wrong, but still). And in black tea, ritsu advising eichi on the war preparations during tea club (a serene setting in what was otherwise a hellish place, a piece of an everyday normal students life, which eichi craved so much his whole life. And ritsu also needed the club, interacting with new people, let alone another chronically ill kid).

Im thinking about your last sentence and how ritsu clung to the vampire persona the family adopted, the way to cope with the hereditary disability. As opposed to rei who changed his persona and struggled with the way he was perceived as a monster, when he was a human just as much as everyone else and tried to ignore his disability even? I dont think ignore is the best word. Downplay. It was always the acknowledgement that ritsu had it worse, despite the fact that rei also had it, he was looking for a cure for ritsu instead. First instance and development of his habit of helping people when they dont necessarily even ask for it. But yes anyway millions of tangents aside, ritsu clinging on to the vampire persona tighter and more consistently in his character, as a coping mechanism with a condition he didnt ask for, that is outside his hands. The one thing that was in his power was choosing to play into the vampire persona.

I havent even touched on mao... to be fair i dont think im the most qualified person to speak on him, or his relationship with ritsu. I am still figuring out my thoughts on them. Im glad they grew to find their own dreams in yumenosaki (heh), in the same realm, but not tied to each other where it gets suffocating.

I wouldnt call anything i said analysis as i wouldve probably ordered things better and had, well, an actual point, but i hope my stream of conciousness was as fun for you to read as it was for me to just think and type

[saddarkentruths]

I'm feeling a lot, and honestly don't even know where to start, and I just hope I get a therapist soon cuz they know what questions to ask, it feels like I'm holding my breath in, like I'm.on eggshells and I'm trying to get a read on someone I've never met.

Trying to read them through another person who only share the good stuff.

It's like I want to cry but I'm scared she will find out? Which isn't possible, and I shouldn't feel like this, we've been friends for 12 years.

But now it feels like that guy is gonna end up giving her an ultimatum, and I don't know who she'll choose.

And it sucks.

Like we're so close

But now I don't know

Cuz im selfish and I want us to be old together and single and happy, like live in a house with a weird amount of cats, and she'll have a garden and me a painting room

And I'm just so scared she's gonna leave me and go get married and have kids, which she talked about with disgust last year, she hates kids, and didn't want to get married.

Then this dude shows up and tells her they ARE and she says yes???

My other friend is getting married this year, I'm so thrilled for her, I've met her dude, we're all friends, I've met their kids, I love them.

But I already knew she liked and had one kid before meeting him, they're srly otp, soulmates I swear.

But this?

I'm gonna get abandoned

Again

Like she's been with me for so long, nobody knows me like she does, and me her

And she kept the dude a secret

And won't tell me when they met

I'm being slowly removed

I'm just preparing myself emotionally for when this happens, it hurts so much, I'm crying rn, like wtf am I supposed to do?

I'm just

I have to keep quiet, wait it out, watch

And this dude doesn't even want to meet me??

I don't know what she told him but he doesn't want to

That's a red flag imo and how is he supposed to cope with me being with her and him being married? Like?

Obviously an ultimatum is gonna happen, the signs are there, I see it so well, and it's gonna happen cuz it always happen

I just don't know if I could handle losing her

It just fucking hurts me to the core, never felt this deep of an emotional pain over a person, well other than my grandpa, but it's a different feeling.

It's like she's my second personality or something, and she's being pulled away from me