#If I'm being honest I think that's my body trying to recover's energy

[yoinkschief]

WIP

Ahhh I always know I'm sick when I get a sudden burst of energy and motivation to do a lot of art and have too much on my brain ':)

[floppydiskettess]

VALORANT AGENTS REACTING TO THEIR S/O GETTING INJURED ON A MISSION

featuring - sage, killjoy, cypher, yoru, sova, gekko, viper

a/n : cyphers part contains a lot of angst and alcohol talk. i couldnt let it ALL be fluff 😋

✮~ Sage ~✮

literally the sweetest ever, but this doesn't need to be said

if its a minor injury, she will definitely be giving you a talk about being safer and how to prevent that from happening

"but what if it was something more serious? something even I couldn't heal? you must be more careful angel."

if her s/o was harmed badly, she would do two things.

one, she would immedietely drop everything and rush towards healing you, this woman will stay up all night trying to heal you and make sure that there is not so much as a scratch left on your body. she would definitely overwork herself but making sure you are alright is all that matters.

two, the second you are stable and resting, she is going to find out whichever enemy agent hurt you and fuck. them. up.

im talking full battle sage, she will have no mercy if the injury they caused was threatening enough.

she may excude sweet and kind energy but she is one scary lady when the people she loves are harmed

she knows exactly how damaged a body must be for it to be unfixable.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there my dear, but they won't be hurting you again."

she will be watching you carefully, even asking brimstone to take you off of missions for a short time or asking him to keep an eye on you.

she doesn't know what she would do if she lost you..

☻︎~ Killjoy ~︎︎☹︎

she blames herself, how could she not? she designed most of the stuff...it must be a error in her inventions.

she will work night and day trying to figure out what happened. was it a weapon error? did the gun she designed for you malfunction? oh no was she to blame for anyone elses injuries?!

it would take a lot of reassurance for her to calm down. after all, this wouldn't have happened if she had been more careful...right?

"Mein gott...you scared me. I thought I lost you schatzi..."

she is going to be by your side after sage discharges you from her infirmary. expect lots of physical affection (if your comfortable with it.) and care.

she will treat you as if you were glass about to break. you will not be doing any chores while you recover.

oh you need to work on a mission report? its already finished and submitted. you are hungry? she would cook a lovely meal her parents would make her when she was sick. (with the help of some other agents...shes probaly not a great cook lets be honest..)

"KJ...Sage gave me the all clear! I can do it!"

" Nein nein! You are going to rest mein Häschen! I don't want you straining yourself!"

♖~ Cypher ~♖

if you get injured, be it minor or major. this man will WORRY.

he already lost everything, he cannot lose you either. if he did...he would have nothing.

when sage showed up at his door covered in blood and bruises. he knew something went wrong.

you told him you were going on a small mission. just an in and out radianite extraction at an abandoned lab. he had no reason to worry...right?

when he heard what had happened, he was devastated. what was supposed to be a quick mission turned out to be a setup. what makes it worse? you were alone at your site.

he will be thinking the worst. what if you...? if he had only done a more detailed check on the lab...maybe he could have protected you. but he didn't. he feels like he failed.

you spend weeks in the recovery bay, lying unconcious.

he spends those weeks without you in his lab drinking the memories away and trying to figure out what happened.

he just cannot function with the thought of losing you at the back of his mind at all times.

he knows he was caught when viper appears at his doorway with a concerned glare and a solemn looking sage in tow. he can't remember most of it, but viper was worried? about him?

soon he was also transported to sages infirmary. getting put on nutrients and oxygen. it was obvious he was not taking care of himself without your presence

when you wake up, he would be right there cradling your cheek with his hand. his mask nowhere in sight. all that matters was that you were safe now

"يا حياتي..i was so scared i lost you"

he will never forget his past, but he looks forward to his future with you.

can you tell i like cypher guys :)

☁︎~ Yoru ~☁︎

do not even get me started on this man

he would be extremely angry.

but is it at you, the others, or maybe himself?"

upon hearing the news, he would immediately check on you. seeing your unconcious body just makes something in him snap. the thought that someone had done this to you...he plants a soft kiss to your temple, before storming out of the infirmary.

for the next few days, he would lash out at everyone around him. sage came around to bring him some food as he had not left his room and he just...lost it.

he wasn't even sure who he was yelling at, who he was blaming for what happened. poor sage looked petrified and the others seemed to gather the idea yoru didn't want to be talked too right now.

with no word from anybody about your condition, he lay down on his bed and cried numbly. every night he would teleport into where sage had kept you to heal. he would sit in silence staring at your asleep face before always kissing your forehead goodbye. in hopes that somehow, you would wake up.

he went to your room and grabbed some sweaters of yours, every night he slept with them for comfort, clinging onto them as if they were going to leave him too.

when you wake up, he won't care about keeping his mysterious "badass" persona up. he will be at your side holding your hand and crying.

"please be more careful 私の日光...i don't know what i would do if i lost you."

when sage discharges you, he will be glued to you. he will simple little things for you (such as opening doors for you.)

his love language is definitely acts of service

if you teased him about this though, he will never admit to it.

he will be doing simple things such as cooking meals, cleaning up, and helping you finish any work you have

he is so domestic

he may not be super outwardly affectionate, but with each small favour he does for you he is putting all of his love into it.

𖦹~ Sova ~𖦹

sova is literally the most caring boyfriend...like ever..

if its a minor injury, he will treat it (if sage and skye are off on a mission).

he will definitely lightly scold you, not to be mean! just because he hates seeing you hurt and in pain.

"ангел. please be more careful next time..you know i hate seeing you upset."

if it was a major injury though, he is relatively the same.

he isn't scared to cry infront of the others, when he gets the news that your mission went south he was crying into sages shoulder.

he would stay with you the entire recovery. sage had to keep kicking him out at nighttime but eventually she realized she couldn't stop him. she simply would bring meals for him whenever he would forget to eat.

he would sit and tell you about his day, how the missions were going, even the silly schenanigans that the younger agents were pulling

"yoru tried to get revenge on phoenix for his prank but it went so bad ангел. he entered his rift and jumped out to scare him, but reyna happened to have just been passing by! she was absolutely livid родная. i have never seen our dear riftwalker so terrified!" he chuckled

when you woke up, he was still there lightly snoring against the chair sage had brought him.

when he woke up, he was thrilled, his eyes immediately lighting up like a childs

"have you been sitting here the whole time?"

"of course my dear. as if i would leave you."

߷~ Gekko ~߷

as the newest agent, he hasn't known you for very long. your relationship was coming up to a few months old but he hadn't told you how much he loved you yet.

so naturally, when he heard you were injured he was terrified

he knew this job was dangerous! he just never thought it would be you getting injured...he also never really thought of anyone getting badly injured

he was training with harbour when he overheard a mission going wrong...a mission you were on.

he would rush to the infirmary overloading sage with questions about you

"Sage!! Finally...que pasó?? Neon told me something happened on the mission?!"

Appariently, you had gotten caught in a fight with the enemy Breach and he hit you with his aftershock.

He didn't know much about Breach, but he knew that man had quite a bit of strength in his abilities (being like...bionic you know?"

After some skillful and strategic convincing (pathetic and annoying begging) Sage agreed to take him to see you.

When he caught sight of you lying in the bed staring up at the ceiling, he let out a big sigh he didn't even know he was holding.

"Mi sol! Oh mierda I was so worried! What happened?"

He would be sitting patiently listening to you explain what happened. All while staring at you softly.

"Shooottt...sounds like you had a busy mission! I am just happy you made it back cariño."

☠︎︎~ Viper ~ ☠︎︎

if you were minorly injured, it was probably from tinkering with her poison vials and one leaked onto your fingers

after hearing your grunt in pain, she turns around and her eyes widen, rushing towards you.

"Idiot, I said not to touch anything!"

she swears under her breath before wiping it away and rubbing some sort of cream onto your hand

"Honestly..who would touch something containing poison WITHOUT protection?"

her biggest fear? her poison causing you harm.

so what if a mission were to go wrong and you happened to step into a bubble of her poison?

it was a genuine wrong place wrong time situation. she had a poison bubble deployed and sitting on the ground, as she activated it she looked up to see your frame walking overtop of it.

she shouts to get you to move, but you don't hear her in time. next thing she knows, you are on the ground out cold with green and purple lines all over your face.

she quickly would call for backup, holding you tight but trying to avoid the chemical burns.

when she is back to safety, she rushes to sage's infirmary with your barely warm body in her arms

unfortunately, the poison had seeped into some open wounds you had. causing it to spread throught your body. viper leaves sage alone to do her job, pacing back and forth outside.

she knew how strong her poison could be, but she also knew how strong your body was. you would survive. you had too.

after a few hours, a tired sage walks out and nods, signaling it went well.

viper rushed into the room and immediately looked at your sleeping face, wincing at the fading bloodshot lines on your face.

"i'm so sorry love..please wake up soon"

she would wait by your side holding your hand and occasionally planting soft kisses to the back of your hand.

she knew you would be ok, but she couldn't help but feel bad that her miscommunication and carelessness caused this to happen to you.

when you wake up, she would be whispering soft apologies into your ear

"i promise...you will never feel this pain again my dear."

a/n : holy shit guys!!!! this took a while!! i spent a good 4 hours writing all this JDJSBSJSKSKSN its probably cringe im sorry

but yeah! i tried my best to write this with a gender neutral reader in mind but in some of these its definitely a bit more fem reader leaning! also i do not speak any of the languages spoken in this so if i made a mistake or used something wrong PLEASE let me know so I can fix it!!!

[illusionsofdreaming]

hey, it's owhda. how have you been? it's a little bit sad to see no updates on tumblr from you(I mean any, even just a talk) but that just mean there's something else going on in your life and I sincerely hope it's something good. I didn't really know you much but I really thought that you could be a good friend to have. So.. could we get a glimpse into your life? How's your work? What are you interested in right now?

Hello, hello! It's so nice to see some familiar faces still hanging around this dusty blog! I've missed interacting with you both and Tumblr in general, it's very humbling to know people are reminded of me from time to time. I guess now is as good a time as any to post a little update on what's been going on in my life, how that's affected my writing and what I've got planned for the blog in the coming future. For those who wish to skip the chatter, tldr; I'm hanging on, this will blog will remain online and I do have plans to continue writing.

Let’s see… where do I even begin? Shortly after May, I’ve received an exciting notice - I was promoted! It’s a goal I’ve been working on for some time so it was quite satisfying to hear the news. Since then it’s been a whirlwind of activities - trying to juggle my new responsibilities and manage my own team took some time getting used to. I’ve worked solo for so long it was difficult to be the ‘leader’. In fact - I still am uncomfortable being one, but I’m starting to get the grasp of it.

I’ve been traveling for work as well and in these few months have been to Japan and UK. Both trips where I fell severely ill because my weak body can’t cross countries without making complaints and making me feel my age. Oh. And I finally got Covid in November which really laid me low for at least 2 weeks. 

I realise my health’s been taking a hit lately. Perhaps its the stress of having more work on my plate and being in a new position but I’ve been getting sick more easily. I’m currently recovering from a throat infection that I got from my UK trip as I write this - so fun times.

So yeah.. it’s been a lot of paperwork, electronic work, a lot of self reflection and remoulding of myself to my real life that really put writing on the back burner. I always wrote at night after work but nowadays I don’t even have the energy for that. If I’m not dead asleep by the time I’m done with work then some infection, flu or cold will get me. 

…and the longer I don’t touch my writing the less I wish to open my WIPs because I have a silly, irrational fear that I no longer write the same way I use to - either I’ve deteriorated or my style’s changed. It’s silly. 

Good news is that, I think I’ve finally found my pace, my new position is no longer ‘new’ but the norm and I’m slowly finding ways to carve out my own personal time in my new schedule. Which is why I’ve decided to tackle this issue today. To be honest, it’s been a while since I wrote anything fictional, but I’m planning on slowly working through the writing blocks that have built up due to my neglect. I’ve bought 2 new books during my trip in UK so that’s a step in the right direction right?

As some of my older followers would know and recognise by now, I do tend to go through highs and lows when it comes to activity on this blog. It often reflects what’s going on in my personal life haha. But lately, the creative bug that has been out of energy seemed to have been slightly rejuvenated - my habits of hyperfixating on creative mediums is rearing its head again so I know it’ll only be a matter of time before I’m itching to write again. 

About what..? TCF is still on my mind but not as much as before since it’s been some time since I last read its chapters. Lately I’ve been reading Absolute Sword Sense and am keeping up with its chapters so far. I’ve yet to get the newest Fire Emblem game and have been doing great avoiding any and all spoilers so far - but I’m pretty sure it’ll be going on my list of series I’ll write for in the future.

My health issues are to be tackled another day because I’m frankly, quite tired of taking meds. 

As for where I wish to take the blog… hmm.. that’s really a tough decision because I’ve never really had a clear goal in mind when it comes to this blog. It was just a great space to share my thoughts on fandoms and interact with likeminded people. I don’t think I’ll be opening requests for a while since I’ve got a huge backlog of WIPs to work on. I suppose I could attempt to keep the blog less.. dead? Not sure how I’ll go about it though.

Anyways.. that’s about it. Terribly sorry for the word vomit, I hope everyone's been doing well and enjoying your life! If it seems I'm a bit dead without updates, it's usually because there aren't any chatter related inboxes haha. So is this illu's call for random stories to be dropped in their mail? Yes.

[knightofhylia]

Life Overview

It's been a while since I've used this deck and the spirit is rather shy so I did the Life Overview spread for myself for those who like to see before they try tarot!

Me

What potential exits in me now? To be honest, all the potential. Through a mix of good and bad life events (moving, changing jobs) I have a LOT of free time. I definitely am not sitting in the lap of luxury so that is about the only hindrance to the growth. But that being said there is a lot I can do without financial support, my main issue is just choosing a focus (it'sa AuDHD). I'm my own limit and my own roadblock (as usual). Trying to figure out what I want to focus on leads to a lot of reprioritizing and stuff gets thrown out. Currently, I'm still sorting through, creating and aborting projects as they come along.

Family

What have I learned from my visit to the underworld? Well, I have been in recovery of Borderline Personality Disorder for a few months and I'm only getting better. My therapist is extremely proud of the progress I am making. In her 15 years od doing therapy she has only cleared 3 people of being fully recovered from BPD and I intend to be the 4th! Being in the process of recovery has taught me so much. I know when a lot of people see stuff about people overcoming depression or any number of mental illnesses they think 'that can't be me, I'm unfixable' and for 20+ fucking awful miserable years my husband made me get my act together. Recovery feels BAD people. There is nothing glorious about being in your 20s having to fill out emotion charts and hygiene routines and food menus like a preschooler BUT IT WORKED. Now, I can't even remember the last major mood swing I had? it's been years since I last self harmed? I'm comfortable in my body and my friendships? I get along with my family?

And the part about the ancestors is right in light with ancestor month coming in November. I've been pretty hesitant to do ancestor work because of how little information I have, and my history with my relatives. I have been noticing my abusive dad's spirit's influence around and I am nervous about interacting with him spiritually (to be clear, not as a threat, I've asked my guides many times if he is a threat and no, they are filtering his interactions, but that obviously means that they want us to interact).

Friends

lord knows I have had some pretty tumultuous friendships in the past few years. I've been getting dreams about friends from ELEMENTARY school I used to roleplay sonic with and had messy fall outs with, like cmon that was 2 decades ago!! But they are all pointing to the same thing. I've had to cut so many people out, distance myself, it's taken a lot to be able to finally have a comfortable give and take with my friends :) No one is constantly begging me for money anymore, or getting jealous or competitive, we all build each other up and have vast interests and hobbies! during this quarantine after being trapped with my so-called-bestie and having that messy fallout, then being isolated in a new town, the wound has been slow to heal. But I'm at the point where I just don't give a fuck about any of the shit that happened anymore because it's not relevant now. I am definitely seeing my relationships in difference angles from this view.

Love

I think I'm more of the guide in this one lol as a poly marriaged person who has been dating for like 3 years with fucking zero zilch nada to show for it :'). Mostly people who get scared off when we set a single boundary or too immature in too many ways. Not that I haven't dated or had fun relationships but I haven't felt anything NEAR a connection like I have had with my husband even back when we were roomies. As an poly autistic person my platonic and romantic boundary is pretty blurry. Usually like first week of talking to a new friend I'm like damn do I have a romantic crush? Then I'm like nope just new person friend energy. Well it's been a few months and now I'm laying on the floor listening to mitski, hillary duff,and fob so you know they've been haunting my dreams and psyche🙄cringe right? my goofy ass downloaded pokemon go to catch some hearts, and now my husband is playing it with me so it's kinda of a win win either way LOL (hashtag poly life). and to think 7 years ago I was playing Pokemon Go with my roomie so we didn't have to go back to the apartment and deal with my cheating boyfriend and bedbugs.... now we are married 3 years with 4 cats and a mortgage <3 I could not be able to love like I do now without being shown what unconditional love truly with from my spouse <3

Career

Are theyre bonds I still have strong? Oh yes. This card directly correlates to what all my cards across many decks say when I ask them about career. They all talk about community, networks, friends, building things together. At first I interpreted this as 'rely on commissions to live' but now I see it is 'going to events and talking to irl people and bonding with them makes you a good customer to them and therefore they can be a good customer to you when you put yourself out there'. which is why I've been working on more tarot stuff! Another interesting thing about this, with the second question asking if someone can help, I have been considering summoning an ancestor that owes me a LOT and having them to help clear a way for our business. A lot of this is also, a lot of life events happened so the other people who are part of the business are farther away but now we can actually visit each other so working together more is the key.

Although these cards did not appear next to each other I included the duality interpretation because I believe it is still relevant that they both showed up. I think a lot about my legacy since I am doing my part and ending my bloodline :). for me that means preparing for my future reincarnations. I have some ideas for spells I want to do before my death to ensure that my next incarnations have a best astral foot forward! I'm interested in this 'desire for the taboo'. For the two cards to be in the 'career' and 'friends' spot I assume maybe this has to do with the taboo of starting businesses with your friends (which we are doing). Also 'taboo' forms of career could also mean vending and tarot commissions since they are pretty frankly looked down upon as a legit business.

Interpretation:

Life is good! Lots of themes of coming out of darkness, seeing things from different views, and renewal, but not without points to focus on. Friends and Career seem to be my weakest links right now, which both revolve around me interacting socially which like you know how that goes. Lot of things are confirmed here (my crush, my ancestors reaching out, my career path). Looking forward to doing more readings with him!

->Like this spread and deck? Get a free reading from me! <-

[prof-peach]

As a renowned plant pokemon expert, I was wondering if I could get some advice on a kind of tricky situation with my Bounsweet.

Her name is Silvia and she's always been super energetic and into battling - I'm not much of a pokemon trainer but I take her to the park every afternoon to train a bit because she loves it.

However about a month ago we were at the park practising away when someone's Houndoom off a leash came out of nowhere and grabbed her thinking she was a ball. She got pretty injured before we could break the two up (so did the houndoom, she set off a nasty stunspore in its mouth). I got her to a pokemon center as fast as possible but she lost both her legs.

She seems to be recovering really well, but I had kinda hoped, since she is a plant type and all, that maybe the missing limbs would grow back. I've stocked up her little nest with fresh compost and got some plant food in hope's it will help the process, though it doesn't seem like it's happening.

My little buddy seems to be getting pretty depressed, especially since she can't perform a lot of her moves anymore and can't run around to burn off her energy. I've been carrying her around in my purse so she isn't stuck at home all day but every day she seems to be getting more and more mopey and upset and I'm not sure what to do to help.

Do you have any advice on whether the limbs will ever grow back? And is there anything I can do to help my little buddy adapt to the disability? She seems pretty close to evolving, would the process of evolution help the situation?

While most grass types do indeed regrow some limbs depending on the severity of their injuries, there are some who do not, and with many species, not all limbs may be regrown at all.

With regards to Bounsweet, they do not root at this stage, they latch onto pre-existing living material, and syphon off nutrition from their host. You may see them hanging from trees by their short central head stem, that has surprising grip to it. This is a trait some grass types display at low level, due to a lack of rooting options. Due to their anatomy they don't tend to regrow much more than their protective green head piece, damage to their body is often permanent.

However, evolution may be the key to their advancement, if i'm being totally honest with you, it's the best route to take if they want to regrow limbs at rapid speed. For some species it is not so simple, evolution may retain certain damage in say a normal type with a pretty standard fleshy body, but grass pokemon have an uncanny adaption that allows them to repair injuries others may never bounce back from. Their genetics really are the toughest of all the types for this reason, amongst may others.

If you can get your partner to evolve, and they're happy to do so, and want to advance down this path, theres a good chance, no, a fantastic chance that their legs will redevelop as they change form. They may seem a little shorter, but should they choose to evolve again later on, this should right itself.

gaining experience isn't done just through battle, so if they're struggling with that due to their lack of mobility, try more mentally engaging tasks, puzzles, games that require their focus and intelligence, the species as a whole are a little...slow, but yours seems quite self aware and very emotive, not something that usually occurs within their first evolution, unless they have a mental aptitude for it. In other words, your Bounsweet sounds smarter than average and should be able to hone that a bit more, and gain experience in other avenues to evolve.

Hopefully it doesn't take too long, but in the mean time, keep socialising them, keep taking them places, let them experience as much as humanly possible, within the realms of safety, and be a supportive partner. Theres a few gadgets and gizmos that would assist them should they want to stay a Bounsweet, but you seem to feel like they may be open to evolution, and considering it'd get their mobility back, it's a pretty easy option.

[sashi-ya]

Hey!!! I love your writings!!!! Can you do Rape play + rough sex with Ace and a fem s/o?

Please, if you don't feel like it is fine. But... if you finally do it, I know for sure it would be glorious.

Hi!!! I hope you like this one! I really enjoyed writing it, to be honest with you, my cheeks got red while doing so! 🙈 Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for your request darling! 💖

NSFW 🚫 ~ Portgas D. Ace x F! Reader ~ Rape PLAY.

Kinks:

🌶 #11: Rape play 🌶 #17: Rough sex

TW: NSFW. Rape play. Forced sex. Violent actions. Implied impregnation. It is a PLAY, both characters have given their consent previously. Yet, 🚫If you are not comfortable with this type of kinks and situations please DNI. Thanks ♥ 🚫

AU: Fem! Reader works night shifts at a convenience store.

WC: 1.3K

I know it is a sensitive topic, so, If you feel bad or so reading it, please contact me, I'm not a professional in mental health but if you need to talk I'm here for you! ♥ ~

The hours seem to pass slower than ever. The night shift at the convenience store is killing you with boredom. Not a single customer has come inside in a few hours, and even if you have to study the book over the counter, it hasn’t been touched.

Staring at the potato chips aisle, the little chime of the door’s bell announces someone finally entered. “Good nig….”, you stop yourself. A tall, muscular, freckled boy in front of you flashes a smile warm like fire is in front of you. His wavy black hair falls over his cheeks, a yellow shirt unbuttoned, black shorts, and nothing more.

“Good night”, he waves at you and walks to the energy drinks aisle. You watch him examine the fridges, but not picking anything. His back looks wide, and somehow you imagine yourself burying your nails on his flesh.

The young man turns around and asks you, “Excuse me miss, do you happen to have the red Monster? you know, the one with a flame”. “Oh, uhm, let me see if I have some in the deposit. I’ll be right back”, you tell him, and run towards the back of the store. Scrutinizing around several boxes, you finally found the wanted beverage and headed to the counter.

“Oi! I found it!” you say, but you don’t see the man around anymore. “Well, he must have been in a hurry…”, you think, a little disappointed because the hot man has left.

Suddenly a hand covers your mouth from behind, and an arm snakes around your waist pulling you against a warm body. “You are going to be quiet and obey me” a man whispers in your ear, and then licks the shell of your ear.

Kicking desperately, trying to free yourself from his claws, you try to reach for the phone over the counter, but you just can’t. You are being dragged by his strong body to the back of the store.

He pushes you against a few boxes over the floor in the deposit and closes the door. The freckled boy towers you, with his hands over his hip with a lascivious smile. You, on the other side, trying to recover from hitting the ground, crawl backwards asking him to stop. “You… you are scaring me. Please, don’t do anything to me”, you beg.

“I saw how you were looking at me, little bitch. Don’t act as if you don’t want this”, he says, smirking sexily. “What… uhm, no I don’t please let me go…”, you tell with teary eyes.

He comes closer and closer as you don’t have any more place to run, your back pressed against the boxes, you are still on the ground. He crunches to be at your height and pulls your chin up so you can see him in the eyes. “Don’t be scared, as long as you do everything I want, I won’t hurt you”.

You shut your eyes and move your head to make him stop touching your chin, and that makes him mad. His hand reaches for the back of your neck and pulls you closer to his face, violently. “What did I tell you? huh?”. “I’m… sorry. Please, don’t do anything to me… I…”, you say crying.

“Nah babe, you are gonna be mine, no matter what”, he says and quickly your shirt gets torn. “Oh look at you, little slut, not wearing any bra… perfect, this is just perfect”, he says and pounces over your chest. His mouth quickly attacks your nipples, and even if you fight against his face to stop, he won’t.

“Stop, no. NO”, you scream hitting him on the head. “Stay still, bitch” he says and snatches your wrist with just one hand, lifting them up over your head.  His knees over your thighs, got them immobilized. He is way stronger than you, you can’t run away.

He uses his free hand to unbutton your jeans, and then reaches your sex. “Are you sure you don’t want this? you are so wet, you little bitch”, he mumbles with his mouth over your hard nipples. And he is right, you are wet, you are aroused, but he is forcing you isn’t it supposed to be something wrong? something you don’t really want?

“No, I don’t want it. Let me go!!!”, you shout acting tough. “Did I tell you to be quiet, or not?”, he says, shutting your mouth with his lips. His tongue forces your mouth to open, he invades the cavity. You try to move your head to the side, resulting in him licking the sides of your mouth. Your cheeks wet from his saliva, his kisses that lower until your neck. Flesh that he bites, and leaves marked with his sharp teeth, while his fingers penetrate your sex violently. The motion hits constantly your walls, exactly where your most sensitive point is. You don’t want this, but a moan escapes your mouth. “You see, you enjoy this”, your abuser says laughing. “No…”, you say, this time it sounded less convincing than before.

You can’t help but squirm, closing your eyes, your hips unwillingly move towards his hand. The stimulation is leaving you on the verge of an orgasm. And you feel guilty, “how am I enjoying this?” ...

Your jeans get damped when he keeps fingering you and you inevitably cum. Whining, trying to repress moans, failing miserably.  “Aw, you came on my hand, dirty slut” the freckled boy laughs at you while he is already pulling your jeans out.

“No, what are you… stop!”, you shout, trying to kick him up, exhausted from your climax when he lowers the zipper of his black shorts. “Did you really think I was over?” he says and sheds his shirt.

You notice a big tattoo on his left arm, “ASCE”. “Is… Is that your name?”, you ask, trying to distract him while you slowly try to stand up. “Yeah, it is”, and when he says that, you stand up and run towards the door.

“Where the fuck do you think you are going?”. The stranger, named Ace gets you pinned against the door. “Oh no darling, you are not out from here until I’m done with you” he says and grabbing you by your hair, he hits your face against the wooden door. His knee spreads your legs, and his hard member brushes your entrance.

“I’m gonna fuck you as much as I want, until you can’t stand in two legs anymore”, and next you know is a hard, swollen member stretching your walls, in and out in violent thrusts. Your body hits the door repeatedly, as he fucks you mercilessly. Ace bites your shoulders, while a hand squeezes and pulls from your nipples. The divine torture, he is using you, he is abusing you, he is taking your body as a toy to nut in… and you just can’t deny it anymore, you want him to keep doing it, over and over.

Your legs tremble, they are becoming weaker and weaker. The fire inside you rises, and the tingling sensation over your clit grows stronger when he keeps fucking you while tracing circles over it. His moans, his accelerated breathing in your ear that mixes with yours, and his warm skin against your sensitive flesh is sending you to heaven.

A few moments later, you scream in pleasure. The knot inside your lower stomach finally snaps, and as you come, he does too. He releases inside you without a simple worry, placing his forehead over your shoulder, the warm fulfilling sensation inside you feels glorious. Until...

“Babe, I’m not on birth control”, you tell him, this time scared, for real. “Ops, sorry. I got too carried away with the play babe... but I wouldn’t mind having a Little Ace running around”, he says. “Well, maybe that’s not a bad idea after all” you turn around and place a sweet kiss over his cute, freckled cheeks. “By the way, this time was amazing. You are just too good pretending to be an abuser, babe. It’s scary sometimes” you tell him.

“Am I? Is this a critique? don’t you like it?” Ace says half worried, half turned on once again. “I do, baka… I love you”. “I love you too” ♥ ~

[thefanficmonster]

I may or may not have just sent the 3 word challenge in my real account instead of anon... I'm sorry. Please don't answer there. :)

When you post, post answering here please.

Again, much love,

📚🌻

Don't worry dear! Your identity shall remain a secret 🥰 Here's yet another fic with my Resident Evil OC: Gwen Winters (she’s an adult guys, don’t worry. However this is still an Older Man/Younger Woman relationship)

The words dear  📚🌻 Anon gave me in their previous ask were: Unruly, endurable and system. Please enjoy!

What happens in the gym....

Pairing: Chris Redfield x Female OC

Warnings: Swearing, Spoiler Free 😊

Genre: Angsty Romance

“Sure, throw me in the fire like you always do, Leon!“ Chris snaps, clenching his fists tightly as he glares at his best friend while the two stand in the dimly lit gym.

“Chris, you’re a BSAA captain, for the love of God! You should know better than to complain about something as little as this!“ Leon, while significantly calmer tone and demeanor-wise, is glaring daggers of his own.

“Why me, damn it?! And why her?!“ Chris is not done with his attempts to get out of the situation Leon’s trying to land him in and his partner’s honestly done with it.

“And why not?! You see the same potential I see, why would it be so hard to train her? She’s a quick learner, she’s disciplined when she wants to be and she’s already skilled to a certain degree. You’ve made soldiers out of total wimps before, why is she such a hassle to you?!“

“Because she’s disciplined when she wants to be and I guarantee she won’t want to when she’s around me. She’s unruly, selfish, arrogant and a Chris-phobe. I’m telling you, she hates me!“

It’s about time Leon’s had enough of this conversation. To be honest, he was done with it as soon as it started but he stayed, thinking he’d be able to change Chris’ mind but seeing as how this is a hopeless case, he’s just been wasting his time. “Does she? Or are you projecting your hate for her onto her?” Slinging his duffel bag containing his training gear over his shoulder, Leon finally makes that realization that these are ten minutes of his life he’ll never get back and storms out of the gym without another word.

Chris doesn’t attempt to stop him, in fact, he’s relieved he left. He sighs, silently hating himself for all the shit he said and how he meant none of it. It was all hard bullshit and he doesn’t know whether to be thankful or disappointed that Leon didn’t realize. Either way, he’s been cleared of possible suspicion, even if training the newest BSAA rookie still remains as his task.

Gwen Winters, she’s such a fucking handful. One cannot tell if it’s because she’s angry with the world, angry with herself or just straight up picked up on the habits of the family that took her in when she was rescued from Raccoon City where she was held as an experiment hamster. A chemistry project basically. Ethan and Mia were recovering from the events back in Louisiana at the time, still probably are, that is not some shit you get over, so they thought having another person in the house would help them. And help Gwen did. See, Gwen isn’t a handful with everyone. In fact, she’s a real sweetheart and Chris knows it too, despite his bogus claims. He knows she’s got a heart and soul of gold and is built with the will of a BSAA soldier already. All she needs is a bit better fighting skills and she’s good to go. 

He sees how she acts with everyone around him. She’s been quick to make friends with Jill and his sister Claire and she’s even got Leon’s liking and trust which is hella hard to get, especially after all the shit with Ada. She’s overall a super sweet and lovely girl, even with him from time to time. He’s seen her welcoming, friendly smiles whenever he stops by the Winters’ home. He’s heard her laugh at the jokes he rarely cracks.

Then why does she act like she hates him so often? And why does he claim he hates her?

Chris is snapped back to reality by the sound of rough impact. It’s a very distinct noise, one he places immediately: the sound of fists hitting a punching bag. It’s the middle of the night, almost midnight actually, and knowing how lazy the soldiers on his team are, he can only assume it’s either his sister or Jill, given that Leon just left. However, they’ve had people sneak in to train for free before, so it’d be for the best if he went to check who was releasing some pent up energy on the poor punching bag. Judging by the intensity of the punches being thrown, sounds like the person might be angry as well.

And they have every right to be. Because they are Gwen.

Chris’ face goes a bit red at the sight of the infuriated rookie giving the punching bag her all, punishing it the way she’d want to do to her superior she just heard call her all the names she hates being referred by.

“Winters I-“

“Unruly?“ Punch “Selfish?” Punch “Arrogant?” Punch

She stills herself, sighing and wiping the droplets of sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, “You say all that and expect me not to be a Chris-phobe?” She lets out a bitter laugh, rolling her shoulders before continuing her wrath over the piece of equipment she’s threatening to destroy. She hasn’t spared him a single look yet, something he’s rather grateful for because the last thing he wants to see is whatever her gaze is hiding right now. “I’ll talk to Leon.” She says, her voice leveled and breathy, far from the pissed off tone she was just using. This calmness is a lot scarier though. “I’ll tell him I don’t want you to be my trainer. To be perfectly clear, I never wanted you to train me in the first place. I’m just not the type to complain, you know. I’m not picky. Beggers can’t be choosers. I take what I can get. And you were all I was offered, but...” she trails off, delivering a particularly hard punch, “It’s not gonna work. I may not be picky, but I know when to draw the line. I know when I deserve better.”

“Kid, you really have no idea what the case really is here.“ He attempts desperately, taunted by the thought of acting on his instincts and approaching her even if that means being the recipient of one of those hard punches.

“You know, I’m strong. I’m skilled. I can hold my own in a fight quite nicely. I’m endurable. I’m not afraid to work my ass off and sweat and pant like a dog after workouts. There’s not a line I wouldn’t cross, but you still choose to make me feel lesser than any soldier you’ve ever come across, that’s really lovely of you, Captain Redfield.“

“Winters, please...“

“It’s ok, I won’t tell Ethan and Mia. I’m sure they’ll send you to hell over it. I’m not petty like that.“

He’s had enough. He’s had enough of hearing that hurt tone in her voice. He’s done hearing these words she’s so certain are true but aren’t. He’s done lying to her and to himself. Before he can even think twice about it, he grabs her by the arms gently but firmly, turning her to face him despite her hostile attempts to free herself from his hold like a wild animal caught in a trap. He’s surprised when she relaxes, probably seeing that as a quicker way out of the situation rather than struggling though if she tried to free herself any longer he would’ve probably let her go.

“Fucking hell, Gwen, listen to me.“ He looks her dead in the eyes, catching onto the spark of shock created by his use of her first name. But he also sees something else, something that looks dangerously a lot like tears. He knows she won’t cry, especially not in front of him, but knowing that he’s the cause behind the welling of those crystal droplets in her always shiny, always smiling eyes breaks him. When she doesn’t look away nor protest, he continues, “I can’t be your captain. I can’t be your trainer. I can’t be any of that. I’m a strictly professional man, and it’d be highly unprofessional of me to take you in as my soldier.”

“But why?“ She’s fully aware she sounds like a whiny kid - exactly how she thinks he envisions her sometimes - but she couldn’t care less. She wants and needs answers. She knows she won’t be able to fall asleep or keep coming back to the training center if she doesn’t get them.

It’s blatantly clear this is far from easy for Chris. His first instinct is to look away, let go of her, run away like he always does - not that she’d let him do such a thing but still. He’s finds the words impossible to spit out yet he oh so desperately feels the need to get them out of his system. And so, he gathers all the strength within him and finally forces himself to say it.

“Because a captain isn’t supposed to look at a soldier the way I look at you.“

Sure, it sounds cryptic as heck but he has no doubt she’ll catch on. Gwen is a smart and sharp girl, among many other things. She confirms this when barely three seconds after he’s said it, he notices her eyes widening

“Sir, I-“

“Don’t.“ He says simply, a small, regretful smile playing across his lips as his hand slides down her arm to take hold of hers, “I just admitted my dirtiest secret to you and you are still gonna remind me how unprofessional I am by using my title, Kid?“

She purses her lips, the shock momentarily replaced by her signature mild glare, “Well, you just admitted your biggest secret to me and yet you still choose to call me ‘Kid’, huh?”

He chuckles, letting his other hand repeat the movements of the first, “Sorry, force of habit.” His thumbs brush against her knuckles briefly as his head falls, his gaze fixating on where their bodies are connected, “You know, I didn’t tell you this to get myself any pity or anything. I just wanted you to understand and....wanted to get it off my chest. Ethan will kill me if he finds out, won’t he?” He suddenly asks, regaining the courage to look up at her once again.

She giggles, “Who says he’s gonna find out?”

Chris bites the inside of his cheek, shaking his head, “You’re right, there’s nothing really to find out abo-”

Gwen has never been a chatter nor can she tolerate when people beat around the bush so she’s quick to cut them off sometimes, no matter how rude that may seem or sound. However, just to clarify, her chosen method of cutting a person off isn’t always kissing them. Just saying - this is a special situation requiring special methods.

Taken aback by the sudden feeling of her lips on his, Chris’ eyes close automatically but not even a second later he responds to the kiss properly: wrapping his arms around Gwen’s waist as her hands travel up to cup his face. The kiss is short - too short if either of them is to be asked - but it’s worth all the words they didn’t say despite wanting to.

When they pull away, Gwen gives him a mischievous smile, “Now he could find out about that and then shit would go south. That’d suck, wouldn’t it Chris?“

He’s only ever heard her say his name twice, once in passing conversation with Claire and once earlier when she paraphrased his term ‘Chris-phobe’, both time spoken with some dose of dislike he now realizes was a cover-up all along. Turns out the two are a lot more alike than they initially thought. Regardless, hearing her say his name with fondness instead of bitterness makes his heart flutter, his body yearn to have her closer, his lips wanting to be in contact with hers again. But he’s a patient and self-controlled man, he’s nothing if not willpower sculpted in a human body, so he keeps his distance, waiting for her to pick the moves, waiting for her to make the decisions just like she’s his captain.

“Big time.“ He manages to say, voice coarse all of a sudden, barely able to leave his throat. “So it stays here, right?”

She giggles again, bringing her lips within an inch or two away from his, taunting him, threatening to break his self-control, “What happens in the gym stays in the gym, Redfield.”

Golden rules of discretion, ones he mustn’t break ever. Especially not when his captain - Captain Gwen Winters - holds so much power over him.

[ygreczed-3]

The Red Guard and the Snow Angel

Hank and Connor’s kiss

Hank and Connor fighting

Hank and Connor having good time with Sumo

Connor’s “I’m not going anywhere”

Gavin and Nines : interface

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

They eventually find something in one of the books : Kamski is known to live in a castle, with 7 beautiful angels to serve him. No one knows how to get to Kamski's castle, since the pike is guarded by the darkness war spirit (actually Kamski being the powerful magician he is, sealed the war spirit to the castle, condemning it to the protection of the whole rock he lives on).

On their first attempt getting to the castle, Hank gets injured, and they're forced to retreat to Nestlepeek

Connor stays near Hank as he recovers, and can't help but touch him with noticeable loving attention. Nines sees him but just decides to say nothing, knowing he's too emotionally compromised with Gavin to give his brother a lesson. Gavin is totally oblivious to that, he's just very bad at hiding his concern for Hank (yes ! he is low-key worried for his human comrade).

X

Nines somehow gets to talk calmly with Nines, for the first time since the street fight.

Nines : I just don't understand. You've always been so ambitious, always training to be more powerful, why don't you use this aspiration to channel the power source and thus use it? It doesn't make sense. Gavin : It's… It's just too fucking much to process okay ? This war spirit is in me, I can feel its thirst for blood and violence all day long, and I know I can't control him because I…

Gavin just stops before he can say he's too confused with his own priorities now to have a defined goal he can use to canalize the spirit's energy. He used to know what he wanted to do with his power, but now, he feels a latent part of him wants to use it to protect his partners, Hank, and the two snowy idiots. He's still not ready to admit it outloud and thus, the spirit having no specific goal to unleash its violence, is in fact uncontrollable. 

Nines, who is a bit more honest with himself than our favorite rat, already knows he cares for Gavin more than he should in regard to his given mission, and just feels so useless when Gavin refuses to talk to him. At this point Nines only wants to help him. He looks quietly at Gavin's nape, where the seal of the war spirit is still noticeable and forms a delicate golden scar. The Golem feels a little contradictory about this scar, one part of him being satisfied and proud of the mark he was able to let on Gavin's body, and the other part of him feeling guilty for it.

Nines : I'm sorry for this. You didn't ask for it and now you have to deal with… a war spirit and unwanted killing desires. I sometimes forget you're only human, it's not in your nature to use magic. Gavin : … It's okay. Let's just… stop talking about the spirit, deal ?

Nines remains carefully silent when Gavin offers his hand in a casual manly shake. He knows humans culturally use handshakes to settle an arrangement, and decides to ignore the deep and intimate meaning of this specific gesture in his own culture. Their hands meet, as Nines' skin unwittingly turns white at the contact, but the golem doesn't pay much attention since a human can't interface anyway. Gavin's smug expression shows he's  about to say something but his grin fades away as Nines realizes their mistake : in a flash, he can feel Gavin's doubts about his unsaid desire to protect Nines despite his hatred for golems. Nines isn't sure what passed through the contact and doesn't have a clue on what impression Gavin had about his inner thoughts, or if he even felt or saw something. The human is the first to break the contact. He looks shocked, as he meets Nines' eyes and for a moment, none of them can speak. 

Gavin : The hell was that ?!

Nines is confused too : … I didn't know it would… interfaces only happen between magic creatures… Maybe… the spirit allows you to connect with me.

Gavin : What the… You read my thoughts ? Nines : It's not… mind reading. I caught a diffuse… "impression".  Gavin : … Shit.

Gavin looks suddenly so betrayed. He looks down and sideways, taking a few steps away, hands on his neck as if he was trying to hide his head between his arms. When Nines tries to get closer, he almost jumps away.

Gavin : Don't- Fuck it, don't… touch me. Nines : I'm sorry, I didn't mean to probe you. Gavin : What exactly did you… hear or whatever? Nines : … I think… I have an answer for why you can't use the spirit's violent spree. Gavin : Fuck you, that was private ! Did you search for it you fucking asshole ? Nines : Like I said, I didn't mean to interface with you ! You too must have seen something from me so stop being a child. Gavin : I didn't-

Nines waits patiently for the end of the sentence but it never comes, as some realization seems to dawn on the human warrior.

Gavin : That nice fluttering in the stomach, when we held hands, actually it was you ?

And for once, Nines is the one to remain silent, his face even but internally too embarrassed to answer the question. No wonder this sensation passed through the connection. For the few seconds their hands touched, Nines was, in a Golem way, experiencing a gesture akin to a kiss, of course he was kind of "emotionally impacted".

Nines : … As I said… let's not embarrass ourselves any further.

And at that exact moment, Gavin realizes that Nines likes him… more than a partner, more than a friend.

X

In their room, Connor is holding Hank's hand. 

Hank : So, what should we do ? Connor : I didn't think about it yet. I wanted to be here when you wake up. Hank : ...I still have three days of bed rest at the very least… Are you sure you want to lose all this time when we're so close to the goal ? I mean, we already went through the desert, you don't need me anymore. Connor : Of course I need you, Hank. Hank : Ahaha… It's nice to go easy on me like this but you don't have to- Connor : You have to trust me, when I say I need you. It's not because I think you can help me go faster or even because I think you can help me cross a specific territory. I just… need you because you mean something to me.

Hank stays quiet but tightens his hand around Connor's, looking down right at them, his large, calloused fingers embracing the golem's white and slender ones. A long and deep look into Connor's golden brown eyes tells him there is more into this already meaningful gesture than he might think.

Connor breaks the eye-contact, and Hank realizes how intense the moment was : Connor's eyes inexplicably make him feel comfortable, as if he was floating in a warm air bubble, and he instantly misses the feeling when Connor stops mirroring his gaze to look down at their hands.

Connor : You know… There is this ultimate quest upon us, something we have to achieve to save our people… And this goal governed us like it was the only thing that mattered… Maybe I'm being a selfish brat, but Hank you're so important to me, I don't want you to be injured or killed in all this. Hank : You're important to me too, Connor.  (And then Hank laughs, giving in to his stupid and unwanted feelings.) Actually, you probably couldn't even understand how much you mean to me.

When Connor meets his gaze with a puzzled expression on his face, Hank decides he has to tell him. If anything, Connor could still change his mind and keep going without him, and then Hank will be able to finally move on. He's too fucking old to pine for a pretty boy, and if it's gotta be painful then he wants it the sooner the better.

Hank : I… recently started to develop… indecent feelings… Connor, purposely obtuse: "Indecent" ? Hank : I mean... in a… hum… romantic way. Come on kid, don't make me say it. Connor : Why would "romantic" be "indecent" ? Hank : Dunno, I'm old and pathetic, you're young and cute, sounds indecent to me. Connor : Hank… I love you too. Hank : ...You, huh... Sorry what ? Connor : I mean every single word in this sentence, Hank, I really do. Hank : … Oh. 

Connor chuckles at Hank's blank expression, as his poor brain processes the information with unprecedented difficulty. And as Hank starts moving again, his brows frowning and his mouth forming an "o" like he was gonna say "why ?!", Connor just leans towards him and brushes his beard with his lips before meeting his mouth, softly.

And god, they love it. Hank leans forward to deepen the kiss, Connor catches his beard, his fingers following the edges of his chiseled jaw until they reach his neck and nestle around it.

And it's a weird sensation to Hank because he used to know what was hot passion and what was tenderness, and at this very moment, he could feel both in Connor's grip, burning fire and smooth touches at the same time. That's it, love, love everywhere.

They separate because the older man needs to breathe and hopefully, Connor remembered it because Hank was just gonna kiss him until he falls unconscious. 

Hank : Am I dead ? Connor : You're thankfully alive and safe, but you need rest. Stay calm. Hank : I can't  believe it… i'm… almost scared of falling asleep and realize you're gone when I wake up. Connor smiles smugly at this : he takes Hank's hand in his own, kisses the palm softly, his deep dark eyes locked on Hank's.  Connor : Sleep tight. I'm not going anywhere.

X

So, as soon as Hank can walk again, the party goes back to Kamski's peek.

Hank : I feel better but I admit that I don't think I'm able to fight anything right now. Maybe we can find another way ? Gavin : Humans and Golems can't beat a war spirit. But, huh… a war spirit could do. Nines : … Is that you you're talking about? Gavin : 'Know another war spirit around here ? Nines : But you… you can't control it… I mean, you're obviously facing a dilemma with your own motivations right now. I don't think you should endanger yourself in this state… Hank : What dilemma ? Gavin : Not your business. It's fine, I just need… I just need to meditate a little bit more. Connor : We don't need much more than a distraction just a moment until we reach the castle. There we'll activate the seal and it should stunt the spirit for some time. Nines : I'm not letting him go alone. Gavin : Still don't trust me, snow man ? Nines : I'm concerned for your well being. I wanna help. Hank : Well then we can do that. Nines and Gavin take care of the spirit and Connor, we get to the castle as fast as we can. You're good ? Connor : … Yeah, that sounds good. I just need to talk with Nines. In private.

Hank and Gavin just look at each other, surprised, but then they leave the brothers for their serious talk.

X

Connor : What was that ? "I'm concerned for you well being" ? Gavin is right, only a war spirit can compete with a war spirit… even if we wanted to, we couldn't help. Nines : Gavin can't control his spirit. I saw it when we interfaced, he truly can't, no matter how much he meditates, as long as he will have this dilemma, he can't make it. Connor : Wait what ?! Interfaced ? How ? Nines : Guess the spirit makes him sensible to magic connections. Connor : What's the deal ? Why can't he control it yet ? He's strong enough, and for what I know, ambitious enough, so it's only a matter of… Nines : He's confused. He grew fond of us, and he knows we're basically enemies. We're all being reckless, he's the only one to keep this truth in mind; if we can't reach Kamski, or if he refuses to help us, we'll have to go back to the war we left, go back to kill each other. He can't resign himself to accept his attachment to us if we're going to be his enemies again. Connor : … Do you think he can make it ? Against the darkness war spirit ? Nines : I don't. That's why he needs me there. If the thunder spirit takes control of his body, I'll be there to hit the seal in his neck. Connor : Oh Nines… You love him, don't  you? Nines : … We're selfish and weak, Con. This mission… our whole kind is waiting for us to succeed. And we're threatening this long awaited deliverance because we fell for humans…  Connor : ...That's why we can't fail. I understand you're worried but maybe… Maybe that's the reason why Gavin wants to try : he knows we can't fail now.

X

In the final act, Gavin and Nines get ready to fight with the war spirit, while Hank and Connor plan on reaching the castle as fast as they can, and find Kamski.

Gavin and Nines are hiding near the war spirit.

Nines : … Are you ready ? Gavin : I don't really have a choice there.

Gavin breathes deeply and steadily, to focus and calm down before entering the arena.

Nines : I'll be flying right behind you, okay ? It's factually stronger than me, so I have to maintain minimal distance with it, but I'll be ready to hit your seal when you need  me to, and help you run away if you're in a bad state.  Gavin scoffs : Thanks Snowman, I feel so confident right now, with you believing in me like this. Nines : … Sorry I just… worry. Gavin : Look, I was right, at that time, I couldn't do it and I was totally right. But today I… I'll do it. And I want to prove it to you. 

In front of Nines' incredulous stare, Gavin offers his hand : Nines narrows his eyes as he detects static electricity all around his fingers, as if his spirit was already eager to fight.

Nines : … Do you know what it means to us, Golems ? Interfacing with someone ? Gavin : Enlighten me, snow man. Nines : ...I'll tell you if we survive this fight. Gavin : Huh… fair enough. Now, take my hand, I'll show you.

Nines gulps nervously and reaches for Gavin's hand, his own fingers turning white as he gets closer to the human's warm skin.

And he can feel everything. It's a lot less blurry and chaotic than the first time, as somehow Nines' first sensation is Gavin's serenity about sharing his deep feelings. He catches a volatile thought that flies through the human mind, saying in a flippant tone "we might die, no need to get embarrassed", and smiles at it. Interfacing with Gavin is very special for some reason : Nines had interfaced with other Golems before but it was never so vibrant, so intense. "Maybe that's because we're about to die" he feels, and for a moment he wonders if that comes from him or from Gavin. Nines feels like Gavin is an extension of himself at that very moment. Suddenly, the realization he's gonna fight against a gigantic, ancient war spirit dawns on him. He feels scared, sure but somehow, confident as well. He can do it. He will do it now, because if he fails, he'd give up on his people in Detroit, his friends Hank and (surprisingly) Connor. He would give up on Nines and he's not ready to. He used to fear that he was making friends with an enemy… That they'd have to separate at some point, and go back to where they belonged, Detroit and Jericho. But if Gavin fails now, Detroit and Jericho are doomed. He used to fear that death was preying upon him… now he fears that his team could die. That Nines could…

If he fails now, Nines and he will be dead, and that is much more scary than befriending a Golem.

Nines frowns as he feels Gavin's hand twitching in his, as if he was about to draw it back. He wants to stay connected, he wants to melt into Gavin's mind, because he feels so scared right now.

All he can catch is a glimpse of something that sounds like "I have found some higher purpose in life than my own existence", before Gavin breaks the contact.

When Nines opens his eyes again, they're wet and his breath is short. Gavin too, seems a bit shaken up by the interface.

Nines wonders what exactly the human saw/felt/heard from him and feels very self conscious for a floating second. He wants to kiss the human, he can feel it in his vein, the fire of love rushing, burning his cold body. Gavin must have felt it through the interface… and somehow, Nines wonders if he knows. He doesn't seem shocked or… disgusted. 

Gavin : You okay ? Nines : Yeah… I'm ready to go.

Gavin exhales sharply : Alright, let's do this.

Nines : I've got your back. Everything will be alright.

So they get out of their hiding spot and as Nines takes off, Gavin summons the thunder spirit.

X

We then follow Hank and Connor, who are climbing up the rocky column at the top of which Kamski established his castle. Actually, Hank climbs it and Connor flies around to help him find the safe grips. 

They're constantly attacked by monsters with long members (parts of the war spirit), and can't fight them all back. They decide to run forward, and they finally reach a huge grid in a tunnel : Connor can pass between two bars, but Hank can't. Behind them, the monsters are getting closer.

Hank : Run before they catch us up ! Connor : Wait, there must be a way for you- Hank : I'm sure there must be, Connor, but we won't find the solution in the next few minutes we have. You have to keep going without me. Connor : What are you gonna do ? They're gonna outnumber you, and… and you're still healing from the last injury--- Hank : You have to find Kamski ! He must know how to stop those monsters, and the war spirit out there. He can help us ! Connor : … Yeah, right.

Connor puts his hands on the floor and ice columns grow up from the ground, keeping Hank in a safe space. When the man looks back at Connor with tenderness and gratitude, Connor kisses him through the bars.

Connor : The ice won't last long but it can buy you some time… Hank I… I love you. Don't let me down. Hank : I swear. Now, run, and don't look back.

Connor nods and starts running to the castle, as the monsters start to attack ferociously the ice cage Connor created. Hank knows it's not gonna last much longer, and that he'll have to fight. He prays to be able to see Connor again.

[writingforyuh]

Hi! How are you? First of all, I would like to tell you that my native language is not English, so I hope you can understand if I make a mistake writing this :( so, what I came here for is to request a Bucky Barnes x Male reader where the reader has the power of Mystique from x-men, I guess you know who I'm talking about haha, maybe it can be about the first time they met, they can be partners or enemies, I don't know, I trust you'll do something good, thanks for read xoxo

a/n: so... the first thing i want to say its sorry; you, my dear anon, gave me a damn good idea, but it is so good, soo goooood, that i think that i didn't something on the deserved level. But anyways, i hope you like it, this one was a bit complicated to do, so it may be not so good. Also, from now on, in my stories, i will be naming our reader(you). 'Cause for me, it's strange not to use a name or nickname sometimes, and i'll not use y/n or relateds, not that i don't like, i read a lot of fics with y/n, it's just that i don't want to use. On this one, i used Mystique's name, Raven. I also discovered that i can't center the txt when it's a reply like this one. I'm wheeping fandom: marvel/captain america/the falcon and the winter soldier too(?) words: 1.880 words/10.311 characters warnings: idk shapeshifting?, a tad fluff in the end, fight

Bucky Barnes x Male!Mystique!Reader

"The way you are"

As you walk away through the sidewalk, you shapeshift into a black woman, your blue skin turning brown, your yellow eyes turning green, your body changing to fit the appearance you want. In a mere second, the transformation it's done. Your clothes and ravenous hair are the only things that stay the same. You are going to a Japanese restaurant to pay a visit to a friend. Honestly, it's not exactly a restaurant, but you quite like the place. It's the only one place you feel secure enough to turn into something close to what you look. Though today you will be going with another look. Arriving at the place, which luckily wasn't so crowded today, you take a seat, waiting for your friend, who is the attendant, Leah. She is the only one who knows about your power and actual appearance. It was a dangerous decision to tell her about it, although you don't regret doing it. When she looks at you, you blink, so she knows that it's you. Before going to you, she passes on the kitchen and takes a plate full of sushi and other things and offers to you, on the house. You accept though you insisted on paying for all that. Leah ever treats you like you are special or something. You'll never admit that you like it despite all the refuses. She makes you feel... normal.

"So, how was the investigation today?" Leah asks, closing the distance through the counter You sigh, trying to hide things of Leah it's almost impossible, "Well, from what I discovered, the guy I'm after, that Ruin, works alone. I paid a visit to his former workmate-," "You paid a visit?" she interrupts you. "I... may or may not have invaded his house and gently asked about his old friend?" "Gently asked?" Leah raises an eyebrow for you, "Well, and then?" "Then, he said that he never heard that name or anything related for almost two years. What proves my theory that Ruin is working alone," you explain. "That's good," she states, surprised, "and you have an idea of where it's his hideout?" "Actually, no. But I heard some strange things about that famous club on the south that links with my guy," you explain, showing her a photo of the place on the phone. "That's Noapte Senina. You never heard about it?" "Why would I-" you stop yourself when Leah frantically passes his palm like cutting close to her neck.

The person who entered the establishment sits on the chair near you, and he isn't alone. Yuri is with him. The elderly sit on the chair next to the guy. Your friend walks away to serve customers, not before winking at you. As she goes, you gaze at that strange man: short brown hair, blue eyes, a bulky body, and a leather glove on the left hand. You never saw that guy here, yet he and Yuri seem good friends. In the middle of it, your eyes encounter his. A slight smile is now on his lips, one that makes your face burn a bit. You look away, regretting that eye contact. It's undeniable that he's handsome.

"You should ask her out," you almost choke with one sushi when Yuri said that.

Though you could shapeshift your body and everything that it covers, you still a man. However, the problem is not that he is a guy, but that he doesn't know that you are also one.

He says something to Yuri before turning to you, "I'm sorry for him, I... uh, you can call me Bucky." "Don't worry about it," you clear your throat, recovering your composure, "I'm Raven." "It's a... good name," he tries a compliment. That takes a chuckle of you, "Well, thanks. Bucky's not a bad name too." This time he let a giggle out, and damn... what a smile.

You two stay chatting for a while. Bucky is an unusual person, and come on! The man is so damn handsome, and being honest, you wanted to have more time with him, but you couldn't, you shouldn't.

"I need to go. But, it was nice to meet you, Bucky," you smile at him. At first, Bucky's expression seems to upsets, but as fast it seems, his serious countenance comes back, "It was… nice to meet you too." As you get up, you blink for Leah. She covertly nods to you. "Oh, look, wait!" It's Bucky's voice who's at you, "I... wanna know... ahm, we... if we maybe could see each other again?" You feel a twinge in your heart, and still, that doesn't stop you from doing what is necessary, for the sake of both, "I think that this won't."

...

It's late-night already. You didn't tell Leah about what you were planning to do tonight. You are with that same appearance as before, but now wearing a crop top with jogger pants, the most normal, the better. You read those big and bright letters: Noapte Senina. The place's full. There's loud music that's echoing the whole space. People everywhere, dancing, drinking, or just vibing along with the rhythm. You take a seat on the counter and ask for something not too strong to drink. While waiting, you run your eyes through the crowd of strangers, searching for your prey. The barman man brings your drink. You silently thank him with a nod. Taking a sip, you feel something that tastes like strawberry. It's better than you thought. You take another sup before trying another time to search for your target. Leaning against a wall with two women under his arms, a man probably in his mid-40s with an eye patch, "There you are..." you murmur. In a single gulp, you finish your drink. On your feet, pretending that you are dancing, you swiftly pass through the people on the way. Then out of nowhere, someone suddenly appears in front of you. You don't have time to figure a way of dodging, so you bump in.

"Ouch, I'm sorry. I didn't see you-" your voice fades when seeing in who you bumped in, "B-Bucky?!" "Raven?" his eyes widens. "I-I... what are you doing here?!" "I am... trying out this "club" thing," the brunette rubs the back of his neck, "but, well, I thought that we wouldn't see each other again." His word makes you redden, "This is only a co-coincidence, bu-but yet, I'm still doing something important, and if you excuse me," you say, walking over him. "Please wait," he grabs your wrist, "I-" "Bucky, let me go, now!" you demand. "Please just hear me!"

Even a plea won't work. You slide your hand through his glove, freeing yourself.

"Dammit! Raven!" he shouts.

You only ignore, walking away from him. Probably it's a good idea to shape into a different appearance, but there are too many people here that could notice. You take a deep breath and shale your shake your head before looking for Ruin again...

"FUCK!" you curse.

The man isn't in the same place as before. Frantically searching for him, your eyes catch a glimpse of his face. He entered the toilet, the male one. As you walk to the same as his, you lower your head. With your present look - a feminine one - someone could think something strange, but come on! It's the 21st century! Do people still care about these types of things? As you enter, it's evident that there's only one door closed. You look one last time to the entrance, confirming that no one is coming. You are ready to kick the Ruin's door on.

"Wait! Raven!" Bucky screams.

The brunette's eyes widen when the door collides with you, pinning you into the wall.

"Ohoho, so I really was being spied! I thought that Ramirez was only being a coward when he said that someone was hunting me, but look what we have here! You two are from the FBI?" Ruin asks. His voice's heavy, somewhat matching with him. Bucky doesn't say anything but rushes on the man, eyes on fire. He aims a left jab at the other's face. Ruin evades, kneeing the abdomen of the brunette, which throws him backward.

"HA! That's all you've-"

Before he can finish, you, recovered from the earlier impact, swing your body upwards, then scissors your legs around the Ruin's head, spins around his body, and rotate your legs downwards, take downing him. His head hits the ground directly, passing him out. With the rest of your energy, you handcuff him. A trembled gasp escapes of you.

"Wow..." Bucky's notably amazed by what you did. "Why did you follow me?!" you scream in your knees, panting, "Why did I follow you? Why you came after this man? You knew that he's a dangerous criminal?" He shouts back. "That's exactly why I came after him! That's what I do!" "What? You are a vigilant?" his mocking tone enrages you. "What if I-" An enormous pain progresses throughout your whole body. You passed too much time transformed. "Raven? What happened?" He lifts himself, running to your side, "Sam! I need support here, Now!"

You need to go back to your natural form, but how would you do that now? You force your body the best you can to maintain your shape.

Bucky puts you in his arms, "Raven, what's happening?!" desperation on his voice.

You tried your best to preclude that. However, you needed to do that. Your body slowly regains its blue color. Your eyes recover their yellow tone. The only thing that stays the same it's your ravenous hair and clothes. Simple as that.

"I'm... sorry..." you slowly say.

Bucky's eyes widen. The only thing you can do is think how disgusted he would be to see your pure form, how he would feel cheated by you. It wouldn't be a surprise for you. But that won't happen. You only feel Bucky's arms around you, hugging you tight.

"Please... don't scare me out this way..." his voice muffled in your neck. That puts you in a mess of red, "What... are you... do-" "I don't know too... I just... wanna hold you..." he intermits, "On the moment I saw you, I felt something strange and I-" This time you cut him off, pushing yourself away from the embrace, "Bucky, I'm strange! I'm fucking blue! I'm not even a woman! I'm a damn aberration, and I fucking tricked you!" your voice burning your throat. "You are saying that you are different and that you are a man? So what? I'm also a man and have a vibranium arm," he takes his left glove, showing his vibranium hand. "C'mon, Bucky... this'... completely different," you lowered your eyes, you couldn't look at his now.

Bucky has a strange power over you. How someone you barely know can mess with you this way?

"It's not. I don't care about your color or anything. I... think I like you... the way you are," one of the brunette's hand in on your wrist again, but this time it's a gentle and soft touch. the other lifts your face, so he could look in your eyes.

Bucky's now in a blush too. There's a grin on his face. For the first time in years, he feels that something good may happen in his life, and it is you.

[theicywinter]

One Shot

Character: Bucky Barnes

Summary: Bucky is recovering with the help of his always-happy neighbor.

_____________________________________

Something good

Bucky grunted exhausted, the TV was on and the disturbing voices from his nightmare kept banging inside his head. He looked up his ceiling, he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep again, that was for sure, and even if it was not right to think it he repeat it to himself, "i deserve it" he deserved being deprived from sleep, he deserved being taunted by the people he have killed all this years.

He looked at his phone watch , 6:16 am, he decided to get up and go running, exercising helped him a lot, it was useful to drain all his super soldier energy, at least partially.

After an hour running his stomach made a noise indicating he needed to stop and get food, he looked at his phone. Just in time. He returned to his apartment, hopefully she would be up now.

A knock on his door was his signal. He opened the door an a small woman greeted him with the most charming smile he had seen.

"Eva" he said copying her smile.

"Bucky! Breakfast is done, come quickly before it gets cold" she grabbed his hand and dragged him from his apartment to her own, wich was beside his. The warm feeling spreading inside his body from her touch.

The aroma of bacon invaded his nostrils making him almost drool. After he have spent so many years eating the synthetic food from Hydra, simple things for most of people like bacon, pancakes, hamburgers were delicacies to him.

"It smell delicious Eva, I'm starving" he sat on his usual spot. His breakfast looked so good, but being honest, to him everything she prepared was marvelous.

A small blush covered her cheeks and she gave him a shy nod.

"Thank you, I hope it taste as good too" she commented back while sitting on the other chair.

"I know it will taste good, as always" he replied.

She smiled watching him eat his food, she ate from her plate.

"How did you sleep?" Eva asked sipping from her cup. Her eyes examining his face, reading him.

He shrugged.

"It could be worse" He said, and he knew it was true.

"I see, well you can blame me for that, I shouldn't have cancelled our game night" Eva said, some nights they stayed with each other and played some board games or games she had downloaded on her laptop.

"I missed beating you up on Mario Kart" She joked, it was really entertaining watching Bucky trying not to push the buttons hard with his metallic fingers.

He looked at her joyful face, her eyes sparked with light, the only light he had in his life. But he couldn't miss the dark circles formed under her eyes.

"What did he want?" His question hit her with force, her mouth twitched in discomfort.

"He gave me an extra shift, Sara had a domestic emergency. I was the only one available" she explained, her boss found a way to make her stay at work almost every night, she was getting sick of it but it was her job and it payed the rent.

"you're overworking yourself, he can't keep making you stay extra time every day" he shook his head in disapproval.

"I know, but it's okay" she told him calmly "at least it's Friday, I can rest this weekend."

He nodded not convinced.

"Sam called me again." He informed abruptly. He knew he had to answer his calls sooner than later, but he couldn't.

"He's worried about you" she commented quite concerned.

"He doesn't have to be"

"You have to tell him that then" Eva watched the frown in his face, sure it was easy for her to say it but she knew that for him it implied much more. She didn't knew the reason though.

"Wanna watch the news with me?" She asked hopefully. Eva loved being with Bucky, he was a great companion.

"Sure" Bucky said walking to her sofa. He thanked her for the food and turned on the TV.

She sat beside him and his arm flew around her shoulders, Eva rested her head on his chest with her hand on his abdomen. Bucky thought how he became used to this type of affection, when they watched TV or stayed at night talking they always ended up snuggling. He couldn't complain, Bucky loved holding her in his arms, touching her.

"I like you Bucky" she confessed. This wasn't the first time she had said it to him.

He smiled.

"I like you too, doll" she giggled and hugged him harder, he returned the hug.

Bucky looked the hour on her wall clock. He had to leave soon.

"I gotta go, Eva" He said, the disappointment clear in his voice.

"I know, it's okay" she replied with a smile "We can spend the weekend together if you want"

His eyes shined hearing the promise.

"I would love that"

They said each other goodbye and Bucky went to his appointment, the therapist wouldn't like him being late. When he arrived he entered the room and took a sit. The woman entered just after him.

"Hello, James" she greeted him while she sat across him.

"Hi, doc." he said.

"Let's get started, how are you doing?" She asked watching him.

"I'm fine" he replied and it was true, he was feeling good, the nightmare left his mind as soon as Eva appeared on his apartment.

"I can see that, have you had any nightmare?" She inquired back.

He stayed silent. Then nodded.

"Want to tell me what it was about?" She asked again.

"I would prefer not to" he spoke hoping she wouldn't pressure him.

She looked quizzically at him, studying his movements.

"It helps some people talking about what it's disturbing them, Bucky" She informed. "To share the burden with someone"

"I know" He replied, he remembered telling Eva his dreams, she listened to him but her eyes where the most important, they never reflected hatred or disgust for the things he did in his dreams or should he said memories?

"Have you spoken to Sam?" He shook his head in negation.

"Bucky, you need to star meeting new people or contacting your old friends" she suggested. A pang of hurt stick on him remembering Steve.

"I have met knew people" he said instantly, the words spilling from his mouth. His therapist looked quite surprised but she disguised it well.

"Yeah? Tell me their names" she inquired.

"Eva" he mentioned. The doctor looked at his eyes trying to find if it was a lie.

"Where did you met her?"

"She's my neighbor, she is nice to me" he informed his eyes looking directly at her.

The women smiled content with the answer.

"Great, how much time do you spend with her?" This was a critical question, to know if they were becoming friends or were just being polite to each other.

He doubted answering. They spent a lot of time together.

"We have breakfast together, everyday" he answered omitting their others activities.

"Well that sounds good Bucky, it's a progress" she informed. The thought of him spending time with another person relieved her, he was trying.

He smiled, it was indeed a good progress. Eva was a positive addition to his life, she made his day brighter and his heart warmer. He could visualize her in his life.

"What are you thinking James?" The doctor asked him, knowing exactly what was happening.

He snapped back and his face blushed, he cleared his throat.

"Nothing, I think my hour has ended" he told her. She looked at her clock. It was true.

"I think we are done for this day, James. I'm happy you have know someone new, it's good for you to make a friends" she explained while he walked to the door. He nodded."You deserve good, Mr. Barnes".

"Goodbye, doc." he walked out.

It was good for him. Maybe he deserved something good after all he has done. Maybe.

[sckyie]

word count: 1.8k

genre + warnings: angst; post-break up, alcoholism, depression implied, mentions of death, open ending

pronouns used: she/her

a/n: i needa fix my links, suna imagine after this; valentines event announcement tmo

Death can be a strange thing. As a society, people weep and mourn the death of a loved one or a celebrity. Your body shuts down, scared to move on with life without that certain someone. Everyone responds to differently, but how do you move past the death of a relationship?

It was a rough week, to begin with. Losing the man you fell in love with then losing your job. The endless thoughts of Kageyama filled your head throughout the day. Though you missed him, you always wondered about how he felt.

To Kageyama, the break-up felt like a death in his life. That there was a missing piece of you. His heart hurt at the thought of you. Yet he didn't bat an eye when people asked about you.

You woke up to the bright lights gleaming through your blinds. You sat up, rubbing your sleepy eyes away. The bedroom had become a mess since you broke up. All of Kageyama's things in boxes, broken picture frames scattered, empty beer bottles on the counter. You groaned at the sight but you weren't in the right mind.

You dragged your feet into the bathroom, wishing for something to change. You looked at yourself in the mirror, cringing at how worse it's gotten. Your eye bags and dark circles were more prominent than before. Poking at your face, you sighed knowing everything you're doing is becoming more and more unhealthy. Starting small, you decided to shower before cleaning up a little in your room.

Kageyama had stuck to his usual routine. Wake up early, shower, have small breakfast, practice, come home to you. He had always forgotten that you weren't waiting on him at home. He grew this habit of saying "I'm home," but there was no one to respond.

Nonetheless, Kageyama was doing significantly better than you were. Harsh to say but it was the truth. He had amazing practices with his team, he spent time with his best friends, and he had no worry of you needing attention. His mind would clear for the day, only for it to be clouded with the thoughts of you.

A small bit of cleaning turn into a deep clean where your mind was empty. No thoughts of the break up nor your financial situation. You looked at the boxes and bags at the front of your door. Recycling the old beer bottles, a bag of trash from all over the house, and the one box that haunts you. The box of Kageyama's clothes, gifts and old memories in which you wanted to return to him.

You sighed as you looked at them, your stomach growling to break your silence. Your hand flies to your belly as you walked towards the refrigerator. An empty fridge, what did you expect? You hadn't left the house in days. Closing the fridge, you grabbed your bag and keys before heading out to the grocery store.

Kageyama opened the pantry cabinet to find an empty tub of pre-workout. Checking his other shelves, a lack of food and workout powder was evident. He groaned despite it being his day off, getting ready to go out.

You wondered the aisles taking note of what you need to buy and what not to buy. You cringed at the sight of alcohol, turning away from the cold fridges. Your eyes follow the different products into the next aisle. The items in your basket rustle, shifting the weight around as you trailed into the next walkway.

You looked down adjusting your drinks, walking on the side of the aisle. Kageyama had picked up a new tub of energy supplement, reading the back with all the ingredients. He looks up after hearing someone approach him down the aisle. His eyes widened at the sight of you yet you didn't even see him as you passed.

After fixing your basket, you continued down the aisle in which you knew you didn't need anything from. "Y/n?" You heard. You knew that voice, you could never forget that voice. Slowly, you stopped and turned to see the one person you dreaded seeing.

"Tobio," You muttered. He takes a step towards you, afraid of what you'd do. Your heart ached as Kageyama was standing a few feet away from you.

He stared at you, noticing significant changes in your demeanor. "H-How are you?" You broke the silence.

"I'm doing good, I'm just buying some pre-workout...What about you?" He took a glance at your basket, noticing some medicine among your groceries.

"I'm...okay...I just needed to buy some groceries," Your voice was shaky. Kageyama took a step closer to see what medicine you had picked up.

"Are you sick?" Kageyama tilted his head. "Are you sleeping? You look...tired."

"I'm just, recovering," You sighed. "My head does not concern you anymore." You looked at the ground, the pain in your chest intensifying. He's pitying you.

"It does concern me," His voice was stern. "Just because we broke up doesn't me I stopped caring about you."

"We broke up because you stopped caring!" You raised your tone. "We broke up because you called me a distraction and that you were just taking care of a toddler. You're not my boyfriend anymore, don't try to coddle me."

"Y/n, don't talk-" You took a step towards him.

"Shut up Kageyama. Stop trying to act like everything is okay between us," You cut him off.

"So what? I'm supposed to let you drink our break up away?" He defended. His chest began to sting after hearing you call him by his last name. "I'm not letting you kill your body because I left!"

"Fuck you," You spat, turning and walking away from him.

"Don't walk away from me," Kageyama reaches over and grabs your shoulder to stop you. "You're not going to die because you're out of a relationship. Stop being stubborn."

"I'm already dead," Your eyes were watering, you swat his hand away turning to pay for your items. "I'm done arguing with you Kageyama."

Kageyama wanted to go back and stop you but he could tell that you  were truly heartbroken. It was his decision to leave you. The night of the break up, you had asked him if he could pay more attention to you. It spiraled into an argument about time and how you acted with him. He called you a distraction. A waste of time. The one thing holding him back.

Those harsh words had stabbed you in the back as you left him that night. The next morning, you had been let go by your job due to overstaffing and downsizing. You had nothing left, that's when the drinking started. You thought it'll drown out the pain, it didn't. It only made it worse.

Roughly a week after seeing each other in the grocery store, Kageyama decided to go out for a morning run. Down his path, he spots the house you were renting while you two together. Back then, Kageyama had always brought up the suggestion of moving in together. As he encroached on the front of your gate, a particular sign caught his eye. "For rent?" He read aloud. He peeks into the windows to see an empty home.

One of your neighbors had noticed Kageyama as he went out to get his  mail. "Kageyama?" Your neighbor asks.

Kageyama turned to the unfamiliar stranger. "Yes?"

"You're friends with Y/n, right?" He asked. Kageyama stopped at the word friends, hesitantly nodding.

"How do you know my name?" Kageyama walked towards the neighbor, his eyes fixated on your house.

"Well," Your neighbor opens his garage, walking in to grab something. Kageyama watched as the man came back with a box, his name scribbled on the side. "Y/n asked me to give this to you if you ever came by."

"What?" Kageyama took the box in hand.

"Before she left, she gave me that to give to you," Your neighbor explained. "She said something along the lines of 'I'm too scared to talk to him anymore.' She said you'd come by from a run sometime. I didn't know I'd be so soon."

"Wait, before she left? Where'd she go?" Kageyama asked.

"No clue, I saw her donate a lot of her things but last I saw her, she just gave me that box," He put his arm on the back of his neck. "To be honest, she seemed really sad when she came by."

"Did she say where she was going?" Kageyama looked back at your house, noticing a plant sitting on the railing by your door.

"Only that she was saying goodbye to people," He says.

Kageyama bows to the neighbor before leaving, taking the box to his car. Before driving, he decided to make some calls to his friends about you.

"I haven't heard from her in a while, is she okay?" Hinata responded.

"Last I heard from her she said she wanted to leave," Tsukishima said.

"No clue, has something happened?" Yamaguchi asked.

"Y/n? I have no idea, do you need help finding her?" Iwaizumi says.

Then, his final resort. "Y/n-san..." Oikawa's voice was low. Even though he wasn't in Japan, he knew something. "She called me telling me that...she didn't want anything to do with, well all of us. She told me that after the break up she couldn't bear being around your friends."

"Why would she tell you this? You're not even here," There was hints of pain in Kageyama's voice. "Did she tell you where she was going?"

"She told me because I'm not there to stop her," Oikawa sighed. "Tobio, I'm scared for her."

"Do I have to ask again? Where did she go?" Kageyama's eyes were starting to water. "Is she okay?" Oikawa paused, thinking back to the phone call the two of you had before you left.

"Y/n-chan!"

"Hi Oikawa..."

"Oikawa? Y/n, are you okay?" You never called him by Oikawa, not even when the two of you met.

"I just wanted to, well, let go of something."

"Let go?"

"I'm leaving and I won't be coming back."

"Wait what? Where are you going? Why are you telling me this?"

"Because...this is my goodbye to you...and only you. I don't want to be around Kageyama's friends anymore. I can't stand being with them without connecting them to him. I'm only telling you know because you can't stop me from going."

"Where are you going Y/n? You're scaring me now." Oikawa was concerned of what you were going to do.

"Somewhere where no one will find me," Your voice cracked as you spoke. "Goodbye Tooru. Tell Kageyama I still love him for me?"

"Y/n, wait-" You had ended the call before he could continue talking.

"She just- what disappeared?" Kageyama started his car quickly looking for your contact. "She didn't say anything else?"

"No, I'm sorry Tobio," Oikawa sighed.

"I'll call you back," Kageyama ends the call as he began to drive towards his neighborhood. He taps your contact, waiting for the phone to ring. He waited impatiently, anxiously anticipating your answer.

That was until, "We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service."

taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @just-a-siiimp @d0llpie @elianetsantana

[a-mended-pact]

Unsteady Keys: Chapter Three!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

✒ Word Count: 1,399

💬 Author Notes: I'm still not overly sure about this series. Figured I'd still post what I have though. Feel free to ask questions or message me about the series.

💌 Request: Open

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There is one thing about being kidnapped that I can honestly say hasn’t changed. The annoyance of knowing that you have no control over what is about to happen to you is never fun. The fact that my capturer was someone I most likely knew was driving me insane. I just couldn’t place who they were because of the drug and the pain coursing my veins. 

The pain from the injuries caused prior was leaking through to the rest of my body. All I wanted to do was whimper. The room around me was dark and lacked sunlight. So I had to be in a basement or underground somewhere. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out where I could possibly be. I could hear the heavy footsteps of the unsub above me. So definitely a basement. I hoped and prayed they wouldn't inject me with any more drugs. I didn’t want to go through addiction again and have to go to AA meetings again. I didn’t want to have to struggle again. Not after I’ve come so far. 

I began struggling against my restraints. I had to try to get out. I couldn’t just sit here and wait to be rescued. I logically knew I should just wait and do what I could to make this easier on me. I was getting worried though. Too worried over what could have possibly happened to Y/n. I needed to know she was okay. I didn’t care what happened to me. If they had gotten to me what would stop Cat from getting to her in that interrogation room. I knew how to use Cat to my advantage but she wasn’t used to that. Could she do it? That was a stupid question. Of course she could. She alway beat me at every game we played together. Even when we were friends her poker face was alway unreadable. 

I heard the lock of the room turn and the unsub head down the steps.

I dared myself to speak so I did. I was questioning whether that was a big mistake or not. 

‘What did you do to Agent Y/L/N?’ my voice came out exhausted and slurred. Clearly there was still some of the drug coursing through my veins. 

‘Now, now whatever made you think we were after her? You were the target all along. We just had to do something to grab your attention.’ They walked to me and slouched down between my legs. A half smile on their faces. ‘It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you look like this completely wrecked Reid. How amusing. You are chained up, drugged and all you care about is whether or not your precious wife of yours is okay.’ They cupped my face between their hands and pulled me to them making my restraints dig into my skin. I winced slightly at the pain. A menacing smile formed on their face when they leaned in and kissed me on my lips. 

I was distraught. My memories of them flooding through me and drowning me like a tidal wave. 

When I looked at them as they pulled away I was in shock. The sadness that filled me at seeing someone I cared about like this truly and completely devastated me. ‘Please you are better than this. You and I both know this. How could you let someone like Cat Adams get the better of you and convince you to hurt me of all people?’

The laughter that erupted out of them was unmistakable. Right now they are too far gone. 

‘Oh there it is! Are you finally remembering me Spencer? It’s been how many years that we’ve known each other and it takes something like this to get your attention to even acknowledge that I needed help?’ they stood up twirling their blade between their lethal fingers. 

‘How long has my dear Cat had her claws in me, she's been contacting me along with her little pest of groupies.’ The blade they carried pointed at me as they sighed. Sweat pouring down their face makes them look greaser than they ever have before. 

I felt my blood run cold. They had been under her manipulation for far too long. There was no telling what kind of torture she had put them through. What she could possibly have on them. 

‘This is nothing like you. Don’t let her manipulate you into being something and someone you aren’t.’ I pleaded with them trying to reason. Trying to make them understand. I’m afraid as to how far gone they truly were. 

‘The last time you saw me face to face was years ago Reid. Don’t try to tell me who I am. You and I both know time changes people. I mean look at your life now. Think back to the life you and I had planned. For you to assume I’d still be the same man I was back then. Now for a genius that’s just dumb.’ 

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It had been three days since Spencer had gone missing. 3 days. 12 hours and 15 minutes to be exact but I wasn’t dwelling on it. According to the team I was holding up really well. I wasn’t aggressive. I was “sleeping” and I was “eating” in reality I hadn’t slept at all. I only ate when they could see. However I couldn’t keep anything down. My anxiety is completely through the roof. All my aggression and rage was to myself and to the bitch sitting in her cell.

We had no leads besides Cat adams. If I wasn’t sleeping she sure as hell wasn’t. Everytime I’d see her start to doze off across from me as I let her rot in her shackles. I’d walk in and awaken her out of my own amusement. I was running off of coffee and energy drinks with small snacks from the vending machine. I needed to find Spencer and there was no way I was gonna rest or sit still until it happened. 

The victim had been recovered, frightened but alive. Clearly whoever Cat’s accomplice was was getting soft. The wounds inflicted on the last victims all had hesitation marks. Whoever it was didn’t want to kill anyone or was just getting the taste for blood and trying to figure out their way of killing. The weapon used on each body had been a hunter's knife. 

I leaned my head on my hands. I was exhausted if I were to be honest. I felt like I was going to pass out. I just couldn’t bring myself to rest. Each time my eyes closed all I could think about was the fact that my husband was out there probably being tortured by some sociopath. I seriously wanted to just torture Cat to get the anwser I needed. All we really needed to get this case fully rolling was the name of the person working with her. Our rescued victim was at the hospital being checked out by the doctors. Even though the paramedics deemed she was fine just shaken up. It was always better to be cautious than to just let things be. 

Luke had set her up with a sketch artist and we were waiting on the results. Her name was Sarah. Sarah Falls. I would be an idiot not to have noticed that every victim this far resembled me. The same hair color and the same facial structure. We couldn’t pass as twins but close enough to be related by blood. Spencer had pointed it out when the case first started. 

Whoever was Cat’s little helper had to have been keeping tabs on the BAU or Spencer just in general. Which means it had to be someone we knew right? Someone that wouldn’t raise suspicion not being seen or asking questions about our lives or Spencers. My mind swirled with all the possibilities. 

I began pacing back and forth trying to figure out who it could possibly be. There was only one name that came to mind. 

My phone buzzing made me jump startling me a lot more than it ever would have had I been taken care of myself properly. Pulling my phone out of my pocket I saw the photo that Alvez had sent me of our unsub and that’s when I knew for certain exactly what and who we were dealing with. 

TAGLIST:

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics

[justsomevoltronstuff]

FINALLY SOMEONE WITH OPEN REQUESTS THANK YOU 🥰🤗 This will suddenly take a dArK tUrN- can you do a Paladins (and Allura) x dying reader? Haha idk but I'm in it for the angst and crying 👌👏 You seem like a wonderful person so keep on being wonderful (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

my cousin gave me the BIGGEST judgemental side eye when she asked what I was writing about and I told her character deaths, I’m tryna not to fite, y’all I ain’t gonna lie imma throw hands frfr

also, so sorry this took so long, I’m pretty sure I rewrote it like five times tryna get it to my damn satisfaction (which is such a nasty habit, don’t reread you’re own shit if you want an honest opinion on it y’all)

also also, I’m on mobile rn so I can’t cut it so just so all y’all know:

DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO DEATH/GRIEVING. THIS IS LITERALLY ALL ABOUT DEATH AND GRIEF AND IT IS MAJOR SAD BOI HOURS AND I WORRY ABOUT YALL AND DONT WANT YOU READING THIS IF YOU KNOW YOU WONT HANDLE IT WELL😤😤😤

this is a long one bois so if you wanna skip around they’ll all be colored as per usual and the order is: Shiro, Lance, Hunk, Keith, Pidge, Allura

please enjoy lovers🥺💜🌸

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The battle wasn’t an easy one by any means, it was touch and go for the whole team. You knew it wasn’t gonna end well, but that had never stopped you from putting forth your all. You swung your weapon, keeping your enemies at bay as much as you possibly could. Your team was all over the place, the enemy having succeeded in separating everyone in hopes of tipping the odds in their favor. It worked.

You couldn’t keep up alone. Fighting had always been instinct to you, you had never felt so overwhelmed as you had in that moment. They were closing in and you had nowhere left to go and no tricks left up your sleeve. You were stuck, and there weren't any quick enough plans to keep you out of harm's way this time.

You held your ground for as long as you could, refusing to give in easily. You fought until your limbs were too exhausted to move and your breathing was too shallow to continue. It was in a moment of hesitation from sluggish movements that they finally overtook you, and you felt pain spread through you, worse than any you had ever felt before.

You heard shouts of panic, you listened as the battle got thicker and the enemy retreated, you smiled at the sound of victory. Your team shouted in excitement, another battle well fought, another win for Voltron.

Attempting to sit up, you felt pain rush your body once again, causing you to groan. Your team's cheers quickly died down as they took in your situation. Before you knew it, your head was being cradled by the person you wanted to see the most at this moment. Their eyes were filled with concern and tears were brimming. You attempted a soft smile, in hopes of comforting them. Your breathing was shaky as the brushed your hair away from your eyes.

“You’re going to be okay.” They promised.

Your last thoughts were of your family, earth, the realization you’ll never feel rain on your face again, of your team, who you hated abandoning, and finally, of the one person you hated leaving the most. You knew you weren’t making it out of this one, you despised you were going to pass in their arms. You wished you could turn back time and fight a little harder, you wished things could be different, that you could live the life the two of you dreamed together.

“Don’t blame yourself.” You whispered in response.

They shook their head in defiance. “Don’t talk like that. We’re gonna get you to the castle and into a med pod and you’re going to be good as new in no time.”

You shakily lifted a hand and brushed a tear from their cheek. “I love you.”

Their face was filled with pain and you knew the only thing keeping them from losing it was this being your final moments. “I love you.” They responded, their voice cracking. They leaned down and gently pressed their lips to yours.

You felt everything around you becoming further and further away.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered out to your team as you took a final shaky breath, your senses being overwhelmed as you felt yourself fading.

Shiro

The tears kept flowing as he watched the light fade from your usually bright, curious eyes. He pulled you into him as he sobbed into your shoulder, wishing you’d wrap your arms around him and tell him everything was okay, that there was no reason to cry. But you didn’t, and you never would again. Your team surrounded the two of you, tears running down their cheeks as well as they watched their leader completely break in front of them, their friend tucked in his arms unmoving.

He tried to move on. He knew you wouldn’t want him blaming himself or wallowing in misery on your behalf. He mourned you, he still does, but he needs to keep leading the team, he doesn't have time to let the memories of you being by his side drag him into complete uselessness.

It was hard, it took a long time, but eventually he could remember you, his lover, his everything, without crumpling immediately.

When the team got back to earth, it was raining. He stood outside, face tilted to the sky, just letting the water drench him. The rain reminded him of you, you always told him it was what you missed most about earth.

It was as he stood outside, head facing the endless clouds, lighting striking in the far off distance, enduring the first rainstorm he’d felt since before the Kerberos Mission, that he smiled for the first time since the morning before your final battle.

Lance

Once you had taken your final breath and your gentle hand slipped off his, all composure he had left was out the window. He screamed and sobbed in the middle of that battlefield. His team knew he had a tendency to keep his emotions at bay, so watching him break over your body, knowing there was nothing they could do to help him, was heartbreaking. They all shared his grief, but none on a level even close to him.

You had been his rock, you helped him keep sane and reminded him he wasn’t a horrible person. He sobbed harder as he remembered how excited you were to meet his family once all of you went back to earth.

After a while he just, stopped. He had run out of tears, he had his moment of grief, he had to stand tall and move on now. Or at least that’s what everyone saw. Every single day of his life, he blamed himself. If only he hadn’t let himself get separated from you, if only he’d gotten to you a little sooner, if only, if only, if only. In the end, he knew there was no changing the outcome, but that didn’t stop him from imagining worlds in which you were still by his side.

He never thought he’d dread finally going home, but as the team landed, and a woman that looked eerily familiar came rushing from the building towards them, he felt himself snap. HE crashed to his knees as the woman came up to the group, looking around at each of them.

“Where are they?” she demanded. “Where is my child?” She had tears in her eyes as she noticed Lance on his knees, holding back tears and hugging himself.

“I’m so sorry ma’am,” Shiro started but she just shoved him away.

“You let them die?! My child died in outer space, surrounded by a bunch of strangers, and you didn’t even try to save them?!” She had tears rushing down her cheeks. “Who do you even think you are? Do you think you deserve to ball up because of them? You don’t even know them! No, nevermind, yes, you do deserve to be down there, not out of pity, but out of remorse. This is all your fault, all of you! My child never should’ve come to this stupid place.”

He flinched as he took in the woman's words.

“That is enough ma’am. Your child died honorably, saving people, and they were our family. We aren’t just some strangers, we’re the people your child died for. So, in all due respect, I suggest you back away from your child's mourning lover and stop slandering the life they died protecting.”

Everyone shut up in shock as Keith put your mother in her place, causing her to take a deep shaky breath, tears slipping from her eyes at last as she took in his words.

Hunk

Your hand slipped out of his as your eyes fluttered shut for the final time. He didn’t rage, he didn’t scream or burst, he just silently held you a little longer, his tears running down his cheeks until they ran dry. He didn’t have the energy to leave you yet, he never thought you’d be the one to go first.

The team didn’t know what to do, Hunk had always been the emotional one of the team, never being shy with showing his feelings. He wore his heart on his sleeve without regret, but now, he just looked emotionless.

He tried to distract himself. He threw himself into engineering projects and every mission the team ran he put everything he had into completing. He stopped cooking all together, every time he even so much as looked at the kitchen door, his heart would break slightly more. Memories of the two of you spending hours in that room, cooking with space goo and assorted ingredients you found. It hurt too much to attempt doing something you were both passionate about without you.

He was silent as they finally made it back to earth, his family welcomed him home, having adr him his favorite dessert and everything, but he just didn’t have the heart to enjoy it. The two of you had spent countless hours sharing stories and memories and things you wanted to eat when you finally made it back, and that banana cake had been the one thing you couldn’t wait to try.

He cried himself to sleep that night, wishing he could change the past. It was difficult for him to find something to fight for, a future without you having been something he hadn’t considered since the two of you met at the Garrison all that time ago. He came to the conclusion that his heart would never recover, but that wouldn’t stop him from fighting for the future you so easily described to him, a future where aliens and humans could live in peace, where the Galra weren’t an enemy, where the two of you could live out blissful lives together, having done your time in a war that wasn’t supposed to be yours.

Keith

His breath got shallow as yours ceased, his heart racing as your own stopped all together.

“This can’t be happening. Y/n please! Please open your eyes. Please,” his broken sobs echoed as the Paladins watched him plead with your lifeless body.

They didn’t know what to do. The normally stoic red paladin was shattering before their own eyes, more emotions flooding him than they expected to be possible. It was heartbreaking to say the least.

They had all lost one of their own that day, but none felt it more than the broken boy.

You were his family. You stuck by him on earth when no one else would, you left the Garrison with him just so he wouldn’t be alone, where there was him, there was you, and now you were gone, and he didn’t know how to cope without you.

He changed. He was already pretty closed off from the rest of the team, he never really smiled a lot, he wasn’t an extremely emotional person, but after his outburst that day, he completely shut off everything. Jokes that Lance would tell that would once make him smirk fell on deaf ears, even Hunks cooking and Shiros dadly advice didn’t pull him out of it.

The team learned to just work around his new behavior, wishing he’d go back to being a hothead or something. Anything.

He pushed his hardest on every mission, fighting as though he had absolutely nothing left to lose, because, in his mind, he didn’t. He felt alone in a universe out to get him, he knew he had friends, a team, even family now, but he didn’t have you, and nothing would be the same because of that. He would never be the same reckless, hotheaded, careless red paladin he once was, because he did all of that stuff knowing you’d either back him up or smack him upside the head.

Everyone told him time would ease the pain, but as he brought flowers to the memorial grave they created for you, on the anniversary of that day, he knew that no amount of time given to him would ease the pain he still felt. Because he was too painfully aware that all of that time given to him was time taken from you.

Pidge

Pidge was never exactly one to attach to people, not really, and definitely not so emotionally. Attachment to robots? Sure. But human beings were a whole lot more difficult. Which is why when the two of you admitted to being in a relationship, no one saw it coming or knew what to expect, it was completely uncharted territory.

And now, as Pidge was hovering over your body, swearing to find a way to help you, they once again didn’t know what to do.

Pidge sobbed and made halfhearted promises, telling you that you were going to be okay, but knowing you weren’t, and you never would again. It took the entire team to pry Pidge off your dead body, Pidge immediately begging them to let go, just needing to be near you.

After the shock of it all wore off, Pidge holed up in the garage/workspace, working on this project and that, trying desperately to keep distracted, but nothing worked. Every single thing held a memory, every memory brought you back to life, and every memory would ease and you would just vanish all over again.

Countless nights were spent wrapped up in your clothes, with your blanket, in your/on your side of the bed, weeping into the familiar smell of you. Pidge didn’t express emotions very well, but it was obvious this time. The distracted mindset, the distant gazes, the quiet sobs no one else was supposed to hear, all of it made it glaringly obvious that Pidge was not okay.

Pidge took to wearing your clothing more often than not, determined to keep any and every part of you alive so the memories of you would never fade.

Pidge was never one to attach to people, but Pidge also never imagined a life where you weren’t in it.

Allura

She watched you drop from the other side of the battlefield, a heartbreaking shriek escaping her throat as she watched you fall. In her mind you were supposed to be invincible, you were her wonderful significant other that gave her a reason to keep going, you were always telling her that everything was gonna turn out the way it’s supposed to, that the two of you were gonna make it through anything that could possibly be thrown your way.

She ruthlessly fought her way to you, no longer caring for leaving as little harm as possible. They hurt you, they didn’t deserve her sympathy. Once she finally got to you, the battle had ended and the other Paladins had joined her in surrounding you.

“Help me get them to the pods.” Allura pleaded, clutching your lifeless body. “They have to be okay. They can be healed, we just need to get them to the pods.” She was frantic, emotional, scared, and panicking.

Keith gently grabbed her shoulder. “They’re gone, Allura. They’re already gone.” The Red Paladin pulled her into his arms and let her release everything that day.

Everything following was a blur. The team moved forward with plans and missions, Allura never missing a beat. There were points when the team was concerned with how well she seemed to be doing, she lost her lover and was seemingly perfectly okay. But late at night, if they listened close enough, they could here the stifled, choked sobs of the princess as she got out all the pent up emotions in preparation for the next exhausting day of not letting her personal life interfere with the mission.

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I might be the only one that got emotional™️ during this one, but I hope you all enjoyed🌸

~Admin Rori💜

[lemonadebloodsworld]

Tw: ED (??), sh, depression, suicidal thoughts, abuse (??)

So yeah,

It feels weird to come back here even if it's a more recent account. The first time I made a tumblr account was when I was 13 and back then I was already really depressed because of trauma, my relationship with my parents and the fact that they were always saying that I faked being depressed and was just being dramatic and other shitty stuff.

Back then they thought I was a gay girl too but yeah I'm a bi trans boy and it makes everything so damn harder because everytime I try to talk about my mental health my mom just says that it's JUST because I'm trans and I should just be patient and wait to be 18 to start a transition while yes, dysphoria and the fact that my family isn't really supportive make me sad but my mental health has been getting so damn bad.

I've never really been a happy child, my parents divorced when I was 3-4, my mom found my stepdad who has always been an asshole to me and my little brother because we are not his "real" kids and would always yell at us and hit my brother and my mom has always been depressive and mentally ill (Ed, depression and trauma) so she is scared of him ig, anyways, she just never said anything about it, even when she noticed that we were really scared of him.

My bio father was supposed to take us at his place every weekend but after a year he stopped coming and dissappeared for 9 years. At the same time I started to get bullied at school by older kids and some kids in my class and I didn't have any friends because it was a shame for them to be friend with me.

At 11, I have been sexually assaulted by an older kid (he was 15 or something) leaving me with trauma.

At 12 I changed school and found friends, I was so unused to it and ashamed of my past that I spent my time lying to them so they'll like me and think I'm cool, I also started to smoke and drink in secret because I felt so much pain and the intrusive thoughts started to get loud.

At 13 my bio dad came back in my life because he owed a lot of money to my mom and wanted to use us to make my mom feel bad about it. I started self-harming lightly and depression started to settle in but I wasn't really understanding what was going on because the "hypomanic" phases and intrusive thoughts were getting more present causing me to lose the only friends I had and yeah I just didn't understand what the hell was going on. I tried to talk about my mental health to my parents but they told me that I was being dramatic and it's a normal thing to feel bad because I was an adolescent and questioning my identity (I came out as a lesbian back at this time) and decided to just punish me and take my phone away because I was spending too much time alone in my room and didn't do the chores.

At 14 I started to have a lot of anxiety and panic attacks while being in depressive episodes, I started an ed (feeling shameful for eating even a little amount of anything and purging, I don't want to give it any name because I have been diagnosed and yeah), I also began to self-harm more and deeper (still not bad, I don't want to lie for that type of stuff xd), I broke down one day and told everything to my parents (sh, depressive tendencies, smoke, suicidal thoughts etc) and once again they were like "yeah nah it can't be that bad, you just lie to have attention and have an excuse to stay in your room and just being stupid" but my mom saw my arms and thights and then was okay for me to go see a psychologist. So for a year I had the opportunity to talk with a professional who was really amazing, she prescribed me light sleep pills because of my insomnia while in depressive episodes and "hypomanic" (don't have a diagnosis but I have all the symptoms but then again I don't want to self diagnose because it could be wrong and be something else) ones but my mom always refused to give them to me. At the end of the year she wanted an appointment with my mom to talk about my mental health and the importance for me to go see a therapist to be diagnosed (bipolar disorder 2 (she was still questioning it) , anxiety disorder and depression or whatever, she just wanted me to have the help I needed) but then again my mom said no because I was surely just faking it all and I just had to make efforts to be happy. I was so tired of everything and just wanted to feel better so I started to steal my mom depression medication (mostly Xanax and calming pills).

At 15 I met my first serious girlfriend, I fell in love so hard with her and for the first month she really helped me to stop sh, pills, drinking and everything was great until she started to verbally abuse me using my dysphoria and fragile subjects I told her about (she would say that I'm annoying and selfish for always feeling bad and that u was too sensitive and not a real boy if I cried) once I wasn't agreeing with her, slap and hit me if I said something she wasn't okay with or when I would have anxiety attacks or talk to her about my suicidal thoughts while in depressive episodes and yeah she used me like if I was a dog, if she wanted something or think in some way I would have to give her or do whatever she wanted or I would get threatened, insulted or ignored for a long time or other icky stuff. After 6 months of making me feel guilty for not letting her touch me in a sexual way she one day decided to start taking advantage of me while I wasn't in the appropriate head space or without my consent and then making fun of my body and making comments about the way I look. She in fact, made me really anxious and feel bad and it made me start to binge eat, at the end of the year my weight was 78 kg, before our relationship I was 59 kg, people noticed it but just told me to stop eating and go on a diet.

At 17 (this year) I finally broke up even if she asked me to do it because she didn't want to be seen as the mean one for letting me while I was clearly depressed. It was hard but I could finally meet new people or get back with people she didn't wanted me to talk to (especially my amazing actual partner and my bestfriend) who helped me a lot realizing all the shit she did to me and they have been amazing at making me feel loved and cared for and to be honest I don't think I would be there if they weren't in my life right now.

Now my mental health is just fucked. Like I said when I broke up with my abusive ex I had gained almost 20 kg and it reminded me all the bully I've been through as a kid (they most of the time used the fact I was overweight to bully me) so I started to starve myself or purge if I felt like I ate too much (I started to count calories) I was at 78 kg at the start and in 2 weeks I was at 65kg, it was during quarantine so i didn't have any friend or people noticing what I was doing or see me fainting. I started to drink almost everyday and smoke a lot.

In June I got in a relationship with my actual partner and to be honest it's the only good point I can find this year. They (genderfluid) are an angel and I just don't know what I would do without them, they help me a lot even if they are struggling with mental illness themself and anyone has ever cared for me and made me feel so loved before. Today it's been 4 months officially and it makes me feel happy and I just want it to never stop. My mental health is at its worst, I've been having a lot of intrusive thoughts, i have a self destructive comportement, in September I started to sh again (a lot deeper) after 2 years clean, I often call them in the middle of the night (well in the middle of the day for them cause I'm in Belgium and they are in Texas) because of really bad dreams and suicidal thoughts, I am bullied and made fun of by the people in my class for being trans and having a different style (alt-grunge), I barely eat or purge if I try to have a meal, I have these "hypomanic" phases that make me getting really angry at nothing and do a lot of stupid shit because I feel invincible and better than anyone, almost godly and yet they never made me feel like I was a burden or like I should just stfu or like I was being dramatic and they are actually the first person believing me and not saying I fake everything.

I am struggling and it becomes so damn hard to live but I will do my best not to give up and just keep on fighting for them and maybe try to recover and seek for help when I turn 18. I already try to make little steps and stop self harming, drinking too much energy drink XDD so yeah let's just try and be positive I guess.

Sorry its actually so damn long hhh I don't even know if i will post It one day or keep it as a draft eheh I hate venting

[maisjetaime]

Sorry if this is too much but what steps did you take to cure your ed? apart from therapy...unless you didn't see anyone. I'm unsure :/

Hey, i’m sorry for not replying to this one sooner…to be quite honest, my eating disorder is a subject that made me feel very uneasy for quite a while; but I thankfully turned a huge corner in the past few months and I feel more comfortable talking about my recovery process now. x

I became sick really young and I didn’t really have any support from my family or friends as I had pushed  everyone away in fear that they’d get sick too or that they’d try to stop me from “reaching my goal”…so we all kind of lived in denial until I decided, by myself, that I wanted to start recovering. I didn’t reach out to a therapist, or any other specialist, because the cost of them are not covered by my country’s public, or private insurance; therefore, I truly couldn’t afford one. Plus, I don’t think I was mentally ready to explore the root of my ED just yet as it would’ve been too much. 

My recovering process began with me acknowledging the fact that I was indeed anorexic and that my relationship with food was not normal. My first step was to make a list of all the foods that I was afraid of, and then making it my mission to eat them; even if it was just a few bites. I won’t lie, that whole process was incredibly difficult, but I felt stronger as time went by.

I think the most important thing is to surround yourself with positive, and encouraging people: both in real life, and online. Unfollow the pro-ana blogs, unfollow the fitness gurus (even if they’re not promoting unhealthy eating habits per se…your priority needs to be recovery, and although being fit is a nice goal, your ED will grasp onto it and mask itself under it…so unfollowing them is quite important) unfollow any blog, person, and influencer who self-depicts or spreads any type of negativity. You cannot allow yourself to be surrounded by that kind of energy, especially when you’re recovering. Only accept to be surrounded by people who encourage self-acceptance, self-love, and healthy lifestyles (both for the mind and the body). I know this is difficult because we cannot choose everyone in our life (i’m thinking of our family for example) but we can choose to block their access to us…or at least make it less frequent/easy. Also, the fact that we cannot choose our family is the reason why I think it’s absolutely crucial that we make sure to be surrounded by inspiring, soulful, and overall positive people online and in our friendships. 

The next step is to change the way you see food and realize that it is, first and foremost, fuel: for your body, your mind, and your soul. Let go of all the numbers, the calories, the grams, etc. those things truly don’t matter…even if they feel like the whole world revolves around them. Start seeing food as fuel, and shared memories with those you love. No matter how corny it sounds…it truly helps to start seeing it that way. My best friend and I (who I met at the beginning of my recovery) started cooking, and baking together. We would prepare meals for our friends and we’d bake cakes at 1AM only to eat it in my room. We would never talk about the sugar, the fat or the calories of it all…we would just enjoy it and whenever ED would creep in, i’d remind myself that I was living a moment, that would quickly become a memory, and that I was going to cherish it forever. It didn’t stop the ED from controlling me a bit, but it did help.  

It’s quite difficult for your body and your mind to reconnect after an ED as your body feels “betrayed” that you starved it. The hunger cues are out of whack and it’s easy to start binging, and essentially fall into another eating disorder. To be fully honest, that’s exactly what happened to me. I think that, looking back, I would’ve approached it differently and I would’ve had more of a ‘baby step’ approach rather than jumping into it and eating everything that I possibly could and falling into this pattern of excessively exercising to compensate for the huge amount of food that I was eating. So my advice would be to take it easy and to not punish yourself if you eat too much…it’s okay and it’s normal as your body is in full survival mode. 

As you start to gain weight, the ED thoughts are going to creep in a lot; but try your best to not listen to them. Donate your old clothes that no longer fit, and go thrift shopping for more. I actually saw this as an opportunity to re-invent my style and it really helped me get through it all. Don’t weight yourself, and don’t measure yourself…you don’t need to know those numbers. Actually, for a very long time, I told my doctor, and other medical professionals who needed to weigh me, that I didn’t want to know the numbers; and so i’d step on the scale with my back to it. It felt a little extra, but I knew that it’s what I needed to do to protect myself; and I’m glad I did it. I still don’t weigh myself to this day, and I don’t see myself doing it anytime soon.

This brings me to my last point: understand that recovery is not a linear process and that there will be bad days, and there will be good days. Don’t let the step backs discourage you from waking up the next morning and choosing recovery again. It’s a hard battle but it’s so worth it. I started recovering 6 years ago and I still have bad days once in a while..but it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be; and it keeps getting better as time advances and as I keep choosing recovery every morning. 

I’m sending so much love your way (assuming that you have an ED) and I truly hope that you get better as soon as possible 💘💘💘

[austenpoppy]

When fanfiction begins to be worrying

Warning : Ron-lovers, if you read this it is at your own peril. I am already suffering from long-lasting damage. Vivi, don't read. Really. Don't. Trust me.

We won't even talk about incest and other criminal and sickening fanfictions, which are mostly rejected by the fandom with the utmost disgust - fortunately.

No, no, what I'm going to talk about is admired by a - sadly - large part of the fandom. I was just looking for a cool fanfiction about Ron during my break when I found this, on the first page : "101 ways to kill Ron Weasley."

I know, I shouldn't have clicked on the link, but I couldn't help myself. I had to know.

This is the Author's note :

"This story is inspired by Crys' 1001 Deaths of Lord Voldemort on

For many of us, we hate one character in canon more than any other. No, not Lord Voldemort. I am, of course, talking about Ron Weasley.

Ron is lazy, stupid, annoying, and, in my opinion, mentally retarded.

Now, many in the fanfiction community hate Ginny much more than Ron; however, I find that to be more based upon their experiences with fanfiction than Ginny's actual roll in canon. Let's all be honest, outside of CoS and a cameo in OoTP, Ginny has very few lines and almost no involvement in the plot while Ron plays the role of a giant douchebag throughout the books.

This story, which I hope people will enjoy, is my way of killing off the dumbass in as many colorful ways as possible.

In case you can't tell, expect major Ron!Bashing."

...

I should have stopped as soon as I read this. I didn't, pushed by a morbid curiosity : I wanted to know how far people were ready to go. Useless to say that I bitterly regret it.

First, notice here that Voldemort and Ron are the only characters that I know of who have entire fanfics dedicated to kill them.

Voldemort and Ron are put on the same level. A teenager, the best friend of the hero and a hero himself, is compared to a psychopath and a murderer.

Moreover, I have to underline that the author judges Ron as "mentally retarded". I find it worrying. Just because a teenager have not the same grades as the best student in his year, just because he does not display the same way of thinking as his clever best friend does not mean he is stupid. Far from that.

That is a judgement on intelligence that I think is horrible. You have to know that intelligence, despite what tests such as IQ's claim, can not be really measured. It depends on so many factors. The results of IQ tests depend themselves on so many factors.

Furthermore, having real problems to understand things should be seen as a disability, a handicap and not an insult. It is a very difficult situation to deal with.

Also notice that the intellect is one the major criteria differencing the characters for those people. Intellect is practically above everything else.

I read the fanfiction, constituted of two chapters and multiple drabbles.

First reaction :

First one : Ron dies from eating too much. He chokes on his food.

Second one : In first year, wanting to prove a point to Hermione, Ron willingly mispronunces a spell and conjures a buffalo which crushes him

Third one : In Deathly Hallows, Ron takes the locket with him when he leaves. Harry and Hermione try to stop him and splinch him (he is split in two), but they don't recover the Horcrux. Last sentence : "Even in death, Ron Weasley found a way to be a pain in the ass."

Fourth one : Ron, charged by Harry to give Hedwig her treats, eats them in front of her. Hedwig, with the help of thousands other owls, avenges herself by attacking and killing Ron. Reminding of "The birds" by Hitchcock.

Fifth one : Ron, jealous, accuses Hermione of loving Harry and calls her "a Mudblood". She kills him. Harry and her hide Ron's body before they have sex. Petty remark about the length of Harry and Ron's manhoods. Note of the "author" explaining that it was a summary of another fic.

Sixth one : the Trio enters Bellatrix's vault. Ron is immediately fascinated by the amount of money and begins to steal it despite his friends' warnings. He burts into flames and jinxes his friends. Particularly petty sentence : "He never knew, or cared, that his greed had doomed them as well."

Seventh one : Ron speaks proudly about the unbreakable vow he made when he was five. Hermione asks him what it was about, he says he had sworn he would never say he wasn't a jobbernowl, he dies. Worst thing : use of a real passage of the book.

Eighth one : Ron dies on the chess set. His sacrifice is presented as stupid because it 'had to be another way.'

Nine : Harry uses Sectumsempra on Ron while he is sleeping. Ron dies. Harry transforms his corpse into a sock and burns it.

Last one : after Ron is made prefect, Hermione refuses to have him as a partner, jinxes him and kills him "for the greater good." Particularly nasty sentences : "Harry looked at the badge and fought the urge to go downstairs and ask McGonagall and Dumbledore if they were high when they selected the male Gryffindor prefect this year." / "'Sure', Ron said, completely shocked. 'I was positive you would get it, Harry.' 'You and the rest of the world,' Harry thought darkly." / "I can already see Ron not taking his duties seriously and flaunting the privileges that prefects normally deserve."

I won't comment all of them, but I really want to say something about some of them.

The first one uses a trope overused in Ron-bashing fanfiction : the fact that Ron eats a lot and sometimes speaks with his mouth full. Obviously, the author has forgotten what it is to be a teenager, and especially a thin teenager. Their metabolism needs food, and loads of food, because they are growing up and thin people tend to burn off energy more rapidly.

The fourth makes me sick. (Not that they don't all make me want to throw up.) First since it uses the overused trope I have already mentioned. Moreover for Ron would definitely do what Harry asks him to do, and for Ron is definitely not cruel. And thirdly because... THE BIRDS ! Does it ring a bell, a physical assault on Ron with birds ?

The fifth one. There is absolutely no universe where Ron, I'm-going-to-kill-Malefoy-with-my-bare-hands!Ron, would call Hermione a Mudblood. No. Way.

The sixth. Just because Ron said once something like "It would be nice to have galleons for a change", once "I hate being poor" (ONCE !!!), "Lucky you" (referring to Harry not noticing the difference on his amount of gold when the fake money disappeared), "Where's mine ?" (asking Bill where his money was because Bill has just given Harry a purse full of gold), that's it, Ron is greedy. Just because he doesn't want to be in need. Although he never complained that much.

These people hating Ron for he does not like to be poor are just self-righteous and have very probably never lived in the same situation. They have never been homeless, have received all the gifts for Christmas they wanted, have lived in a warm and comfortable house. It's easy to think about morals when your stomach is full, your health is perfect and well taken care of, and your basical material needs are fulfilled.

I remember a story my dance teacher told me : there was a poor woman in Africa who had lost a husband, a son and a leg in a war and still considered herself luckier than a French homeless person because she had a roof above her head.

I'm not saying that losting a loved one is less terrible. Nothing is more terrible.

Just that hating a fourteen-years old boy who never received another Christmas gift than a maroon jumper he hates but still puts on without really complaining because his mother made it, because he would like to have clothes that fit him or galleons he could spend to offer things to his friends is stupid. Really. And shows a lack of empathy.

Moreover, it's not as if Ron was not generous. All he has he shares it. His galleons, he mostly spends it on gifts for his friends. He gave his Christmas gifts to an house-elf. Ron has a really big, big heart and nothing is more important to him than his friends and family.

Eight. Just. How dares he / she ? That's what I hate with this fandom. Everything is twisted to correspond to the views of people.

Last. The prefect badge. My god the prefect badge. Maybe the most disgusting one, because Harry and Hermione are depicted as thinking the worst of him and somehow echo the 'No one in their right mind would make Ron a prefect'. The fact that Ron is often belittled by the fans who don't think he deserved the badge is reminiscent of the fact that Ron didn't either. Ron didn't think he deserved it. That makes me soooo angry.

Pansy Parkinson deserved her badge, but Ron ? Nooooo of course.

The question of worthiness in Ron-bashing is central. People operate a grading : some characters are better than others. The worst is to think that they do it in real life.

I am really naive. I thought that most readers would be inflamed by such display of stupidity. How wrong I was ! This story had 242 reviews, whose only 12 were critical. On the twelve crital ones, 4 were saying that Ron was just an ordinary teenager with no talent, but that it was a shame to dislike him for that.

The rest ?... At this point I don't know if I want to cry or burst into flames out of rage.

I have warned you before. I warn you again. Be aware of the violence of what will follow.

"More!

In order to get a good nights sleep, I need to read about Ron dying in horrendous and funny ways, due to his folly and vices."

At this point it looks like a caricature, doesn't it ? We can notice, however, that people vent out their frustrations and violence on fictional characters. It's up to you if it is good or not. I think it is sick to post it on the Internet, on a personal level.

"A note to a couple of Ron fanboys that posted. First, don' t like? Don' t read. You can tell it is a bashing story from the summary. Second; each person can interpret the canon events the way he wants. Personally, i see it like this: Ron betrayed and abandoned his supposed best friend when he needed help the most. Twice. And he never even apologised properly! It is not our best moments and actions that show us who we really are, but our worst ones. Because, usually, that is when one lets his true self show. Ron is not a bad person, but he is an idiot in canon."

It actually reflects a way of thinking. Ron is defined by the moment he felt betrayed and argued against his best friend - and he tried to apologize, though didn't make Harry apologize for hitting him - and the moment he left under mental torture - the first one who tells me Ron isn't strong-willed will have to run really fast from my anger, because Ron resisted possession and once rebelled against a thought mass murederer on a broken leg and they know nothing about torture -. For this kind of people, you can't have flaws. You can't be faulty. You have to be perfect. You can't ever be forgiven. This is unhealthy.

"*Insane laugh* I love this story! I've always hated Ron. *Sigh* If only he died in cannon, then my life would be complete!"

Once again I am amazed by the VIOLENCE of such a statement.

"I just love the first one where Ron dies while stuffing his face. I have often thought that he had either Bulima or a tapeworm. I have actually seen someone eat like him. It turned out that this person was Bulimic. How else does someone stuff himself and remain skinny?"

It displays a total lack of understanding of what eating disorders really are. Those are disorders which are really extremely difficult to deal with on a daily basis. They are mistaken here with bad eating manners.

"Are you in middle schoolers? Because that's how they teach you how to write in middle school. Also, Ron IS stupid. His grades show that. And Hermione is always caring and helping Harry, even when Ron is off sulking, jealous of Harry. And who cares if Ron came back after leaving? He still left! And getting his ass off of bed is not an excuse for Ron. He only goes along with Harry because he needs to! To keep being Harry's friend, that is. You're actually as mentally deficient as Ron is, and I hope you learn some proper fucking grammar."

Once again intelligence is confused with good grades. That's how you end up with teachers telling students who don't have good grades that they are too stupid to do anything of their life. Ron is here considered as an opportunist. As if he had chosen to be friends with Harry for fame -internal scream. As if being friends with Harry was easy. As if he had not commited his life to help his friends. Notice that once again someone is judges according to his so-called bad actions (to me, Ron leaving is not a mistake Ron did, as I said multiple times already).

"Oi weasel!, for the first and final time, there will never be an Hermione and you, so stop dreaming about her; she's way, out of your league, otherwise l will make you into an weasel patty..."

Love is seen as a question of worthiness.

"Can the Basilisk eat him? please please let the Basilisk eat him"

Once again the violence strucks me.

"ugh i hate him 2 he always runs away or gets jelous. The one thing he did was play stupid chess. Like geez. I love the owl 1".

Chess is considered stupid. CHESS IS CONSIDERED STUPID, BUT WRITING AN ENTIRE FANFIC TO KILL A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IS NOT. Those people are sickeningly judgemental and self-righteous.

"Thank you, I really needed a good laugh and nothing is more funny than Ron dying in horrific, nasty ways."

*throws up*

"Hilarious. Keep updating. I can't stand Ron. The flaws of Snape, Albus, Remus, Sirius and the rest makes them interesting characters. The flaws of Ron make him a putz."

Notice that Ron is the one character that apparently can't be forgiven for his flaws. Ever.

"Lol, Keep killing Ron, it's enjoyable. It's a good stress reliever to read these. :)

See ! Ron is nothing more than a punching ball to those people. I'm scared, really. Their immaturity is worrying.

"I agree with you about Ron he really is a good for nothing person in canon."

*sees red* That's what I'm fighting against in real life. People telling teenagers (and here one of the most admirable fictional teenagers I've ever seen) with a crippling lack of self-esteem that they are worthless. DON'T LISTEN TO THEM !

"this is so funny. i love the owl treats one. my favourite so far. anyone who dares say this is rubbish will face my anger, dont worry. just because it wont happen in canon dosent mean its not good."

Well, sorry to break it to you, but this is rubbish.

"Harry could have been the next Voldermort or Dumbledore if Ron hadn't infected him wi"

Ron and his friendship with Harry are seen as DISEASES.

"Weasley must die! Weasley must die!"

"I actually don't mind Ginny as a character, but Ron has always severely irritated me. The ending to Deathly Hallows was disappointing - how could JKR stick Hermione with a git like that? Ron's been nothing but awful to her since day one, and let's not even get started on how he's treated Harry...

Not really such a "loyal" sidekick, is he? When it all comes down to it, he's a selfish prat, thinking of nobody but himself. The PoA incident with Crookshanks, then GoF when he accused Harry of putting his name into the Goblet - there's been numerous occaisions in which that red haired git has allowed his jealously to get the better of him and abandoned his friends all because of his own petty insecurities.

Halfway through Deathly Hallows, I was ready to strangle him. I know the locket probably brought most of it on - but I don't see that as an excuse for him to throw a childish temper tantrum and blow up about Harry not knowing what he's doing. Okay, so you miss mummy's cooking, and living your life as a lazy sloth..

No reason to take it out on your two best friends. At least your parents are still alive, you ignorant MORON. I was rather pleased when Harry told him off, though. :)

All in all; Ron has always been an annoying, pain in the butt character to me. Utterly useless, really.

I can't wait to see what other creative ways you come up with to kill him.

*adds story to favorites*

Weasley is NOT my king."

So many things wrong.

Ron has been nothing other than awful to Hermione ? What about 'You're the most wonderful person I've ever met ?' 'She's been perfect, as usual.' ? What about getting detention several times (and one washing bedpans) for defending her ?