#Jeffrey can't be brought back

[inspectorspacetimerevisited]

It’s truly unfortunate that Jeffrey can’t be brought back to join the 15th Inspector, given Rik Mayall’s passing.

At least we have the comfort of knowing that Jeffrey died doing what he did best, something incredibly stupid.

[marciabrady]

😬😬😬

[negansfavlucille01]

INNOCENCE Pt. 1

Negan × innocent reader (female)

Warnings: Mention of erection, weird liquid tasting

Note: I'm sorry for not posting, but I didn't know how to finish this. I decided I'll make a part two and maybe three if yall want. I have. Some drafts, so I'll upload more. Also I met people who don't like Jeffrey. UNBELIEVABLE. 😒

Quiet footsteps filled the hallway. Her bare feet touched the ground as she made her way to the room she knew only she was allowed in. Negan's room. It was late at night, probably around one am. Maybe two. She couldn't sleep. She tried everything. Reading a book, hot tub to relax and help her sleep. Nothing. And if there was one thing she knew for sure, that was that only he was gonna help her. The door opened slowly. It was dark. Light soft snores were filling the room. She could almost see him. Almost. His leather jacket was on the chair next to the bed. Knowing the room like the back for her hand, she knew where to step, shaking him gently once she got to him.

"Hm?" His voice was deep, almost harsh as he hadn't realized it was her yet. He sat up. "Someone better be fucking dying..."

"I... I can't sleep..." That was all she needed to say to be pulled in his arms once again. His touch was soft, making her snuggle deeply in him. He adjusted her so her head was on his chest. Her hair fell down. So pretty.

When he found her on that road, years ago, he knew he had to take her. She was a child. And he couldn't let a child die. At least not her. It took one look to know she was innocent. He had to be gentle with her, because she was special. Every single man in the Sanctuary knew she was. And if they touched her? They met Lucille. Usually, she struggled with sleeping. She was hesitant to go to Negan the first night, but he was so understanding. He made sure she fell asleep before he did.

This time it was different.

When he went to wrap an arm around her, he felt no shirt. Her skin was soft. (He imagined laying his head on her belly and then felling asleep, but he couldn't) "What the.." He quickly slid the sheet off and turned the lamp on the nightstand. She was wearing just a bra and shorts. "Where the fuck is your shirt at?"

"It was very hot in my room..." She looked up at him, her big doe eyes shining at him. He couldn't resist it. He couldn't be mad.

"You know you can catch a cold, sweetheart."

"I'm sorry..."

"Go to sleep."

Y/N rolled on her side, but before Negan could turn off the light, she saw something. "Negan, I think you spilled some milk on your sheet.."

His eyes widened when he saw her pointing at a white stain on the black sheet. He forgot to clean it up. "Yeah, probably.." He chuckled nervously.

Reaching her hand to the thing, Y/N touched it with her finger and brought it to her mouth, tasting it. "It tastes weird.. Like salt.." She stated.

"I'll clean it up in the morning, just... go to sleep." She nodded and laid back down

It was around five am when she shook him awake. Negan sat up, looking at her with confusion once again. "What now?"

"Something is poking me, Negan.." She pointed at the now painfully hard erection he had in his boxers. "Is that normal? What is it? Did something sneak into your pants?"

"It's normal, go to sleep." He interrupted her before she comes ask more questions.

"I can't.."

"And why the fuck not?"

"I'm curious about something..." She looked into his eyes before her own traveling down to his chest hairs. "A few weeks ago, I heard some of your men talking.."

"About what?" He brushed the strand of hair behind her ear.

"But I can't.."

She stayed silent for a few minutes before looking back at his eyes and licking her lip. "What's sex?"

Part 2?

[agent-troi]

great points on Diana. I can't quite figure out what I think about her narrative yet. I didn't like when she first appeared because she came across and part of a suspicious character, and her appeal was very unappealing. When Gibson is ready to disclose who Mulder is thinking about, oh boy does she want to know to stop up the pot. She's aggressive but in a frozen manner. What I mean by that is her facial expressions seem frozen, her voice is almost stilted, and her eyes lack the dance that we see in Scully' and Mulder's. I also don't know what to think about her because she didn't get a real conclusion. We are told that she is killed, but was she? Maybe she is just reassigned to do something else. I wanted to see the closure or some actual redemption of her alliance with CSM.

With that being said, when do you think Mulder figured out that Diana was lying to him and couldn't be trusted? Was it the night that he went to her apartment or when he was in his mind-reading, psychosis state? AND, do you think that during the Diana period, after work or on the weekends, Mulder and Diana had some flings or some sort of relationship?

Did Mulder choose Scully or did he get Scully by default because Diana was removed from the equation?

diana was soooo underutilized. i had vaguely heard of her before i reached her part of the story and i was expecting this big, huge, MSR-shattering deal, and then she was hardly ever on screen. i get that the actress wasn't available very often, but then don't try to make a love triangle if she's only going to be in five episodes and the rest of the time it's like she doesn't even exist.

frozen is a perfect word to describe her. she's just so insincere so much of the time. everything is a performance, tailored specifically to get mulder on her side. she's basically a more subtle version of phoebe imo; manipulative, but in a way that can slide under the radar if you're not looking for it (which mulder isn't; he wants to believe she wants the best for him).

i'm so annoyed that she was killed off-screen lmao. this show brought back jeffrey spender after we saw him get shot, brought back csm after he was literally blown up in a fiery explosion, but we don't even see diana die and she never comes back?? i'm suspicious...

(btw if you're looking for fics where she wasn't actually killed in amor fati, Gaslight by @sisterspooky1013 and Pause by @cecilysass are two of the best imo, and if you're looking for a redemption story/something that actually fleshes out her character a bit more, I recommend The Whole Truth by @admiralty-xfd and The Only Answer by me lmao)

as for when mulder finally figured out he couldn't trust her, he absolutely knew it when she went to see him in the hospital and he could read her mind. there's no way he doesn't know at that point. when he went to her apartment, he was at the very least open to the possibility that she had betrayed him. he wouldn't have gone in the first place if he really thought there couldn't be anything to it. but then csm shows up and somehow that doesn't raise a big red flag so i don't think he really got it then. it's not clear at the end of one son if mulder and the others believe that diana was among those killed at the air force base, and since she never appears or is mentioned between one son and biogenesis, we don't know at what point mulder finds out she somehow survived. depending on the circumstances of his finding out, it might have raised suspicions in his mind, which were then confirmed by the mind-reading.

my answer to the question of whether mulder and diana had any flings during this period is abso-fucking-lutely not, and not just because i personally can't stand the idea. the only time i can really see it happening is when she first shows up in the season 5 finale, but there's just no time for anything like that to happen during that episode. beyond that point, mulder starts off season 6 annoyed at diana for taking over the x-files behind his back, but then scully pulls the rug out from under him at the opr hearing after he pretty much made a fool of himself declaring confidently that she was about to prove the virus was alien, so he takes diana's side in that episode out of sheer petulance. after that he's too busy chasing "vicious, long-clawed spacelings" to be bothered to have any flings, but then at the end of the episode, scully finally comes through with evidence of alien dna in the human genome. it's too late to take back the way he embarrassed himself at the opr hearing, but it begins to put them back on the same page. and then during the period when they're off the x-files, mulder's digging through the trash in their old office to find x-files for him and scully to investigate instead of just asking diana to sneak some files out of the office for him, which i can't imagine him not doing if they're having any kind of relationship. also he’s clearly never been to diana’s apartment before one son.

this whole season is about mulder and scully dancing around the idea of being together, which is something mulder wants but is afraid to express directly, not knowing that's precisely what scully needs to hear. i just can't see him choosing to be with diana except maybe for when he's still disoriented by her sudden reappearance, and there wasn't room in the timeline of the episode for that to happen.

@randomfoggytiger broke down the progression of mulder and scully's relationship during season 6 very well, and i have nothing to add except that yes, mulder chose scully, this whole season is about mulder choosing scully, learning to appreciate her and to express that appreciation the way she wants him to. diana really is irrelevant in the end.

[fanfic-writer-and-rambler]

Jason: Kill him. Batman: No. Jason: Kill him. Batman: No. Jason: Kill him! Batman: No! Joker: Can I kill myself to escape this nightmare of awkward father son tension? Jason and Batman: Shut up! Jason: Ignore me, like you did when I died, what about the countless lives he’s taken, what about Barb, what about the shit he’s put all of us through for some sick joke? And if you didn’t want to do it because of those reasons, what about me? I wanted to ignore this but he took me away from you! Why not vindicate me? I thought I was your son! Joker: Guess you weren’t that close. Jason snacks Joker with the crowbar a fifth time. Jason: Shut. The. Fuck. Up! Back to you, when I saw the bomb tick down, I accepted it. I accepted my death... I thought when I died, you'd kill him. Then I wake up and he's still alive. Why? Batman: I’ve contemplated torturing Joker in a private area. Make him feel pain from every nerve in his body, make it so that when I finally killed him I savor the light leaving his… eyes. But I don’t want to go to that dark place because that won’t fix crime. Jason: Stop joking. Batman: I'm not. Jason: You have to be. Batman: When have I ever joked with you in this suit?

Jason: It's not too late, because you can't be serious. It literally would fix one thing.. Him! Joker: Can you tell me what type of torture methods you’d perform on me? I might need to use those later. Jason points to Joker with his gun. Batman: If I kill I would never go back. I would kill the next one like him. Jason: Then fucking do that! You can't be arrested. You are friends with commissioner Gordon, who by the way, Joker shot his fucking daughter. You shot his daughter right? Joker: Yeah. Jason: Okay, so should I shoot him or do you want to? Batman: Joker would have to do something insanely unforgivable to make me kill him. Jason: ...He tricked my mom into handing me over and killed me. Horribly tortured me. Just want you to know I was legally dead for a time. Batman: That's different. Jason: Different how? Batman: You're here now.

Jason looks around. Jason: Am I on a hidden camera show? Because you did not say that as a defense. You can't be serious! Batman: It’s not right! Jason: Why? Go ahead tell me, why is it wrong to kill him and for me to kill irredeemable criminals. I'll wait, I have the detonator. Batman: Because when my parents died, I learned all life is valuable. Jason: Joseph Stalin. Batman: Okay, I - Jason: Charles Manson. Batman: Hold on, now he was- Jason: Jim Jones. Batman: Well they volunteered. Jason: Adolf Hitler, the Nazi soldiers who knowingly participated in the extermination of Jews and the ones who escaped to Brazil. Joker: I know I'm the one possibly dying, but he brought up a couple good examples. Batman: No, wait, because that's not the same. Joker is not the same as them. Jason: Okay, I will cancel out the world dictators and Manson. I'll do that... Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, Wade Wilson! Batman: ... Jason: And again him torturing and killing your son isn't the line?

Batman: I told you not to fall for your mother's tricks. Jason: Are you resorting to gas lighting? While I have a bomb? We're doing that?! Batman: All I'm saying is when you got brought back you killed left and right. Jason: Yes, rapists and murderers. I don't kill shoplifters. Batman: Hypocrite. Jason: A shoplifter has a reason and doesn't go about killing someone. What rapists have you met that had a reason? Because rapists aren't redeemable, they're free game. Batman: Okay, last I checked murder is wrong! Jason: Yeah, it is! Jason points his gun Joker. Batman: ...A criminal is a criminal. I treat them all the same. Jason: Let's talk about Selina Kyle. Batman: Let's not do this. Jason: She gets a pass when she's attacked people to escape. If a criminal is a criminal then why isn't she in prison? Because she meows at you? Because you unironically like when she hits you with a whip? Because she talks in a fake sultry voice? I want to know why does she get a pass? Why Black Mask walks? Joker walks? Mr. Freeze walks? Tick tock detective. Batman: ... Jason: It bothers you, doesn't it? That I'm doing a better job at you? That I'm taking on businesses of the crime ridden area because I can admit that crime will never stop? That I kill murderers and rapists? Batman: It doesn't bother me... I just don't want you to do this. Jason: I'm not asking you to kill Selina or Riddler or Mr. Freeze. I want you to kill him. I'm not even mad at you for not stopping my death, I forgive you on that, but for the love of God, kill him! Please. I am begging you! Do you see this? I am begging you! Batman: I can't. I'm sorry. Jason: Okay you have two options. I kill Joker or... You kill me. Jason tosses Batman a gun that the man catches with ease. Batman: I regret the day I let you into my life... Not because of your fault, but my own. I gave you a good life with the life of a hero. So I won't kill him. I'm sorry. Jason: Hm... I guess you'll watch me kill him. This is great, I always wanted this moment with us. Jason grabs Joker and aims the gun at the cackling psychos head. Jason: I’m going to enjoy this! Batman: Dodge! Jason: What? Batman tosses a batarang at Jason’s neck, impaling it in the man's neck. Jason drops the gun and Joker in shock and pain as blood splurts out of his neck wound. Jason: You threw a batarang… at ME?! Batman: Oh shit, shit, shit! You were supposed to dodge! Jason: You pulled a Piccolo on me!? Batman: I thought you would dodge. I shouted dodge! Jason: You thought I would read your damn mind, toss Joker aside, dodge and then not shoot him. Batman stays silent. Jason and Joker: Oh my God you did. GREAT, NOW I'M AGREEING WITH HIM! Jason yanks the Batarang out of his neck. He looks at the Batarang, silent and shaking. Jason: You know... maybe in a few years we can laugh about this, but for...I'm sorry too. Jason presses the detonator managing to escape along with Batman. Joker is crushed by the debris of the buildings, but alive.

[aishangotome]

Elbert Greetia: Chapter 14

Chapter 13

♡———♡

The next day, an art dealer from "Bernal Trading Company" came to Elbert's mansion—

Of course, the people in Elbert's mansion invited him in without suspicion, as a "business partner of Elbert."

(Now that I know he's from the trading company, facing him like this...)

(Honestly, it's really... painful.)

I was allowed to attend the business meeting as Elbert's secretary, but every time I put on a polite smile, my chest feels heavy knowing he's from the organization that tried to kill Daisy.

Elbert is calmly talking business with the art dealer, but...

(Surely Elbert is feeling this pain too.)

The memories of the day Daisy died, the time we spent together, make me certain of that.

(Does he look the same as always... because he's used to enduring pain?)

Art Dealer: These are all first-class items that can only be obtained here.

The art dealer lined up the brought artworks and jewelry, and asked Elbert enthusiastically.

Art Dealer: Is there anything that suits the Count's taste?

Elbert: ...All of them.

Art Dealer: ...Pardon?

Elbert: Leave them all here.

Elbert made an immediate decision after just a brief look at the items on display.

Art Dealer: ...I see. I had a vague idea from the previous party and rumors, but my, my.

The art dealer, looking as if he was up to something, narrowed his eyes under the brim of his silk hat like razor blades.

Art Dealer: The Count is quite obsessed with beauty too, isn't he?

Elbert: ...Me "too"?

Art Dealer: ...This is a suggestion for you, as I see you as a true collector.

The art dealer straightened his posture and lowered his voice, as if he was about to share a secret.

Art Dealer: Gabriel Bernal, the head of our trading company, will soon be hosting an auction.

(...!)

(The head of the trading company means—he's the boss of this criminal organization.)

Art Dealer: The star item is the world's most beautiful and rare blue diamond, over 60 carats.

Art Dealer: We would like to invite you to the auction. How does that sound?

(This means... we've been recognized as someone to "invite into their territory," right?)

Accepting this invitation would undoubtedly be an important step forward in the Queen's mission.

Elbert: ...Yes, definitely.

Art Dealer: Ah, wonderful! We will send you an invitation later.

Jeffrey: Then, let's proceed with the payment here.

When the conversation ended, Jeffrey, who had been waiting nearby, stepped forward and ushered the art dealer out of the reception room.

As he was leaving, my eyes and his met for a moment.

Jeffrey: ...

It was only a brief moment of eye contact, but I felt something clingy.

(He probably doesn't like me. That's natural, I guess...)

This morning, I visited Elbert's room early.

I wanted to prevent what happened yesterday from happening again during his morning dressing.

(At least while I'm in this mansion, I don't want Elbert to suffer as much as possible.)

For that, I don't care if someone glares at me.

Elbert: The most beautiful jewel in the world, huh...

Elbert: ...I wonder what it's like.

His muttered words brought my attention back to Elbert beside me.

Kate: Indeed... I'm curious too. It must be incredibly beautiful.

Elbert: ...If you say so, it might be.

Elbert's eyes, framed by golden lashes and resembling jewels themselves, gazed up at the sky as if imagining it.

(A 60-carat jewel... I can't even imagine it.)

It might be so beautiful that everything I've seen before pales in comparison.

(When Elbert sees it, he might not want me anymore.)

He might think that wanting me, thinking I'm beautiful, was a mistake.

(Although that would be the best outcome for him, so he wouldn't get hurt...)

(...But it would also be lonely.)

I shook my head hastily at the thought that suddenly crossed my mind.

(What am I thinking?)

(What I want is for Elbert to think, "I don't need to collect beautiful things anymore.")

Elbert: ...Kate.

Kate: Yes!

Elbert: ...

My response was louder than I intended, and Elbert blinked in surprise.

Elbert: You shook your head and fell silent, so I thought you might have felt sick.

Elbert: ...Is something wrong?

Even after saying he wanted to "obtain" me as if I were an object, he still showed the same casual concern as always... It made my chest tighten with pain.

Kate: Thank you. I was just thinking about something.

Elbert: I see... That's good.

Elbert: ...

Elbert: ...Were you thinking about something other than me?

Kate: Eh!? Um... It also included you, Lord Elbert...

Elbert: ...I see.

Elbert seemed satisfied and his expression softened a little.

Elbert: There's nothing else to do in this mansion... Let's return to the castle today.

(I see... We've already grasped the chance to infiltrate Bernal Trading Company.)

(There's no reason to stay in this mansion anymore.)

Kate: Okay, I'll get ready right away!

The sooner we can leave this mansion, the better.

(Crown Castle is safe for Elbert, and besides... there will be fewer chances to be alone.)

(Then I should be able to calmly think of a way to make him stop atoning.)

Kate: Then, excuse me. I'll see you later.

Elbert: Yeah.

Alfons: ...

As the reception room door closed and Kate's footsteps faded away—

Alfons, who had remained silent throughout the business discussion, finally spoke.

Alfons: ...What a miscalculation.

Elbert: ...What are you talking about?

Alfons: I told you over and over again that Kate isn't beautiful.

Alfons: Why did you suddenly say you want to obtain her?

In response to the question, asked as if out of curiosity, Elbert glanced at the door where Kate had left.

Elbert: ...I don't know.

Elbert: I just... thought she was beautiful—

Elbert: —and that I had to obtain her.

His eyes were clouded with a dark, heavy obsession.

Alfons: ...I see.

Alfons let out a sigh, as if giving up on something.

Alfons : Then, shall I prepare a glass coffin?

He rested his cheek on his hand, propped on the armrest of his chair, as if watching a play whose ending he already knew.

-

We left Elbert's mansion before dusk and returned to Crown Castle. The next morning—

Victor: My dear Elbert, Alfons, and Kate! How is breakfast at the castle after so long?

Victor: Oh...? Oh my, oh my?

(Ah... I think I know what he's going to say...)

Victor: Well, well, it seems Elbert has completely taken a liking to Kate.

Harrison: Taken a liking, you say... That's...

Alfons: El is trying to seduce her.

(That's not wrong, but it's not right...!)

I retorted in my mind and glanced at Elbert beside me.

(This morning, when I finished getting ready and left my room, Elbert was waiting for me,)

(And he invited me to have breakfast together...)

And now, I'm having breakfast feeling his gaze beside me.

Elbert: ...

(I've felt Elbert's gaze many times before,)

(But this might be the first time it's lasted this long...)

Kate: Um... Is there something on my face...? Did I sleep on it wrong or something?

Elbert: No... There's nothing. You look beautiful.

Kate: Oh, thank you. ...Then, why are you looking at me like that...?

I couldn't bring myself to ask him directly, so I trailed off.

Elbert: ...I want you to think about me as much as possible.

Elbert: ...So you don't have time to think about anyone else.

Kate: Ah... I see...

Elbert: Yes...

Suddenly, the food lost its taste.

(I know it's all for the sake of "obtaining" me, but...)

(...If someone I like said this to me...)

(I'd be happy... and the reason wouldn't matter anymore...)

I look down, embarrassed by my flushed cheeks, and pretend to concentrate on cutting my asparagus, but...

Alfons: That's the spirit, Elbert. Kate's fall is just a matter of time.

Kate: !? Alfons...?

I was startled by his words that seemed to be egging Elbert on, and I looked up.

Where did his stance of warning me to stay away go?

Alfons, sitting across from Elbert, is smiling as if he can see through my agitation.

Alfons: Unfortunately, it seems it's too late...

Alfons: So, I think I'll enjoy this as a spectator.

(...I see.)

(He won't warn me anymore, and he won't stop Elbert either...)

I thought it was natural since I ignored his repeated warnings, but I was still stunned by his complete change of attitude—

Elbert: ...Kate. Look at me.

Elbert: ...

As soon as he finished speaking, Elbert cupped my cheeks in his hands and turned my face towards his.

Elbert: ...You spend more time staring at Al than me.

Kate: ...That's not...

Elbert: It is...

(Ugh...)

Unable to bear the close proximity of his overwhelming beauty, I squeezed my eyes shut.

Elbert: Why are you closing your eyes...? Open them.

Kate: I-I'll open them if you let go...

Elbert: ...You won't look at Al?

Kate: I won't! I won't, so please...

The hands that were holding my cheeks let go, and I slowly opened my eyes.

I suppressed my wildly beating heart and looked back into his blue eyes.

Elbert: ...

A satisfied smile appeared on Elbert's lips, and my breath hitched.

(I was naïve to think I could stay calm if we weren't alone.)

There's no way I can stay calm when Elbert looks at me like this.

Victor: This is making me envious. Right, Harrison?

Harrison: Hey, stop putting your arm around me. You're interrupting my meal.

I came back to my senses at the playful banter from the other end of the table.

(I need to change the subject...!)

Kate: By the way, Lord Elbert, aren't you going to eat?

Elbert: ...? Eat what...?

Alfons: Don't be silly, El. It's obvious she's talking about Kate.

Kate: No, I mean breakfast!

Elbert: ...Oh, right... I forgot.

Elbert stared at his breakfast for a moment, then—

He pierced a slice of apple from the fruit salad with his fork and brought it to his mouth with a graceful gesture.

(Apple...)

Kate: Lord Elbert, is the apple delicious today too?

I asked, remembering the day we went to town for lunch together.

Elbert: ...Yes. ...It's delicious.

("Delicious...")

With that one word, the tension and anxiety from earlier washed away like a receding tide, leaving my chest filled with warmth and happiness.

(Just hearing him say the apple is delicious doesn't tell me what's in his heart, but...)

I'm happy that he said it's delicious, just like that day, and a smile spreads across my face.

Kate: ...That's good.

Elbert: ...

(I was so caught up in being wanted by him that I almost lost sight of what's important.)

(I want Elbert to smile.)

I remind myself of this as I continue eating, and Elbert beside me starts to eat little by little as well.

Kate: This asparagus is delicious. It's very sweet.

Elbert: ...Yes.

As we finished our breakfast peacefully, Victor spoke to me.

Victor: Oh, right. Kate, could you spare me a moment after breakfast?

Kate: ...? Yes, of course.

Elbert: ...

-

Kate: "Interim report"...?

Victor: Yes, since you've been taking notes as a Fairytale Keeper, I thought it might be time.

Kate: Yes, I understand. I'll compile it into a formal document and submit it.

(...Wait, but what can I report on...?)

The moment I agreed, I realized I could only write about Elbert.

Kate: Um... I'm sorry. I don't know much about anyone other than Lord Elbert yet.

Kate: Barely anything about Alfons...

Victor: Oh, that's fine. Just Elbert for now.

Victor: There's no rush, so take your time. That's all from me. Sorry for calling you out so suddenly.

(As a Fairytale Keeper, my condition for returning to my everyday life is to record how the cursed ones "commit sins as destined by fate.")

("The cursed are destined for a tragic end"–)

I recall hearing that before.

(If I remember correctly... the curse Alfons told me about Elbert when we first met was...)

("The Greedy Queen")

Just as I was about to leave the room after bowing, I turned back to Victor.

Victor: What's wrong?

Kate: ...I'm a little curious.

Kate: Lord Elbert's curse... What is the tragic end that "The Greedy Queen" meets?

His jet-black eyes lock onto mine, holding my gaze captive.

For a moment, silence engulfs us, as if a veil of night has fallen.

Victor: "Unfulfilled and gaining nothing." That's the end of his curse.

(Unfulfilled... Gaining nothing.)

Kate: ...Thank you.

A heavy weight settles in my chest, as if I've swallowed a stone.

It's as if I've been told that I can never save Lord Elbert from the depths of his dark sorrow.

-

Elbert: ...Kate.

As I leave the parlor, Lord Elbert is waiting by the window, leaning against it.

Kate: Lord Elbert...! What are you doing here?

Elbert: I was waiting for you. ... I want to spend as much time as possible with you.

His matter-of-fact response makes my heart flutter sweetly again.

(This is to steal my heart... to have me.)

(That's how it should be, but...)

The love hidden in my heart, whispered sweetly, makes me hope for something more.

Elbert: ...What were you talking about? With Victor?

Kate: We were talking about my work as a Fairytale Keeper. He told me to submit an interim report.

Elbert: I see...

Kate: What's on your schedule today, Lord Elbert?

Elbert: Nothing in particular. ... Just a bit of paperwork, same as you, until that auction.

("I could say, 'Let's each do our own work,' and get some time to think alone.")

(But I don't want to leave Lord Elbert alone, especially after he just returned from that mansion...)

Kate: Well then, shall we take it easy today? Is there anywhere you'd like to go?

Elbert: ...Anywhere is fine, as long as I can be with you.

Elbert: I'd prefer a place where we won't be disturbed by others.

Lord Elbert stares intently at the parlor door.

(...Could it be that he's bothered by the fact that I was called by Victor...?)

Sensing something akin to jealousy in his gaze, my heart flutters again.

(I wish this were just simple jealousy...)

Suppressing such thoughts, I shift my focus to what lies ahead.

Kate: Then, going to town is out of the question.

Kate: If possible, I want to do something that Lord Elbert would truly enjoy, but...

Kate: What do you find enjoyable, Lord Elbert?

Elbert: ...Enjoyable...?

Seeing his face, as if he's never even considered it, pains my heart.

How much has this man neglected his own joy and pleasure?

(I want to spend time in a warm, bright place.)

(A place where sadness has no room to enter.)

Kate: ...How about a picnic? I know a lovely flower field with no one around.

Elbert: ...A flower field with no one around...

Elbert: It might make me want to run away with you, but...

Elbert: If you're okay with that, let's go.

.

.

.

.

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Chapter 14 Premium Story

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[semiweirdshipper]

Killers who give the most kisses. Non-binary reader insert. Made for those who love fluff.

(Killers include: Bubba Sawyer. Jeffrey Hawk. Herman Carter. Evan MacMillan. Michael Myers. Max Thompson. Sally Smithson. Carmina Mora).

...

Bubba

Without a doubt, Bubba gives the most kisses. Any time, anywhere, it does not matter. He is always peppering you with kisses.

Oh, you just got back from talking to a friend? Smooch! You've been gone so long (y/n), he missed you. Smooch, smooch, smooch. (Literally, you were only gone for five minutes).

Snoozing? Kiss! You look so cute when you're asleep. He simply can't resist. Even sleeping you deserved all the love and attention he could give. While you're lying there snoozing, he'll lean over and plant gentle kisses all over your hands, arms, chest and face. He loves you so much.

Are you hurt? Oh, prepare for the ultimate overload of kisses. Whether it be a bad day you were suffering, a traumatic event or even if you simply stubbed your toe, Bubba is there to drown you with kisses. There's no escape. You're hurt. He needs to kiss all the sadness and pain away!

Bubba kisses you for pretty much every single reason imaginable. Are you laughing? Kiss! Are you reading? Kiss! Are you eating? Kiss, kiss, kiss! Are you on the toilet? Quick kiss! He can't help it. You make him so happy and he loves you so much, you deserve all the kisses.

Jeffrey

Jeffrey has kind of an oral fixation meaning he loves using his mouth, especially on you. Not a single inch of your body has been spared of his lips. He was always fondling you, pulling you close and kissing whichever area he pleased.

Jeffrey's kisses are more wet and thorough whenever you're alone, so that way he can taste you, enjoy you, make you feel good. He loves your soft skin, loves feeling it beneath his lips and hands. You were his treasure, and he worshipped you like a God.

Due to his shameless variety of kinks, Jeffrey ultimately enjoys kissing the weirdest places on your body like your back, feet, knees and... armpits. Yeah, he was kind of strange, but it just meant that he wasn't afraid to love every inch of you he possibly could. You're his beloved treasure, remember?

While in public, Jeffrey simply liked to pull you close and hold one of your hands to his lips. The smell and taste of your smooth skin comforted him, and he enjoyed layering kisses all over your beautiful fingers. If he was feeling bold, he would even kiss your ears and face to tease you and make you flustered.

It didn't matter who saw. Jeffrey's kisses are a statement of his love and appreciation for you.

Herman

Herman is probably the most romantic kisser there is. He loves taking his time with you, holding you close and pressing your mouths together, kissing slow and passionately.

Kissing Herman could some times last a while. Words could not describe how much he loved tasting you, drawing out the tender moments and making them last. He never used his teeth much, instead preferring to worship your skin with utmost care.

Neck kisses. Herman loves giving you neck kisses. He'll honestly kiss any part of your body you want him to, but your neck was his favorite- it was just so vulnerable and brought out the most gorgeous, succulent reactions from you. Gosh, you were so beautiful to him.

Your hands. Almost every single time you and Herman meet or depart, he always pressed a kiss to your hand. If you two are sitting close, some times he'll lift your hand, press it to his lips and hold it there for a while. Shh, just let him cherish you.

Herman's kisses are the definition of love, passion and appreciation. Not an hour will go by that you aren't kissed by him.

Evan

Due to the harsh conditions he grew up in, Evan isn't very prone to kissing much, but he loves it when you kiss him. Your soft, gentle lips on his mutilated body always made him feel as if he were in heaven, and it was because of that feeling that he fought to return the favor.

It took time and practice, but Evan eventually learned how to kiss you on the lips. He also learned how and where to kiss your body. And the best part? Evan was a fast learner, and when he learned things, he learned how to do them right.

Within weeks he went from being an amateur kisser with no skills to a practical God, kissing you wherever you wanted to be kissed and lavishing your beautiful skin. Some times he would use his teeth- if only to see you gasp and tremble in delight of course.

His favorite area to kiss is your face. You've been so patient with him, and you're so gorgeous and kind and dependable. Your smile lit up his dark world like a beacon. And if your kisses could make him feel as wonderful as they did, then he would always be kissing you back twice as much.

Michael

Talk about a five-star hickey designer. This man has no limitations when it came down to marking what was his. Does Michael love to kiss you? Ha, just look at the light red marks all over your body. Kinda goes without saying, you know?

Michael is the type of person who likes everyone else to know that you belong to him, and what better way to make a statement than to ravish you with deep, passionate kisses? And that was only a fraction of the reason why he kissed you so feverishly all the time.

The biggest reason Michael loved marking your skin so much was because of the noises and expressions you made. You were practically a saint, beautiful and delicate. Whenever he sucked on a spot that made you gasp, he was always filled with immediate satisfaction.

Safety and reassurance was another big reason. Whenever Michael needed comfort, he would lie on top of you and kiss your neck, chest and wrists- all the places where he could feel your beloved heartbeat. You were his love, his life, and he needed you always.

And when he kissed your lips, he was reminded that there was someone in this world who saw him as more than just a monster. You'd probably never know it, but Michael's kisses meant more than you could ever imagine.

Max

Whenever you first introduced him to the gentle, sweet, overwhelmingly loving luxury of kisses, Max was helpless against giving you his own form of kisses in return. Because his mouth can't shut all the way without discomfort, Max opt to pulling you close and pressing either his nose or chin gently where he wanted to kiss.

Get used to the pleasant sounds of soft growls, because Max always wanted to be kissing you. His favorite thing? You sitting on his lap with his arms wrapped around you so that he could lean his crooked mouth against the side of your head in what he considered a long lasting kiss.

Max isn't like most people. He's not perfect, and there are traditional things he can't do, but that doesn't stop him from doing what he can.

Occasionally, despite the pain, he'll close his lips together and give you little pecks on the mouth. Anything to show you how much he loved you. Whenever you smiled at him in pride and joy and praised him, he became instant mash-potatoes in your arms. More love please?

Max may not be the best kisser, but he's definitely the best at proving just how much he was willing to be the best he could ever be for you. Because he loved you. And, kisses or not, he would never stop loving you.

Sally

Oh, Sally loves giving you kisses all the time. Try leaving the room without a kiss and she'll either grumble or give you sad puppy eyes. Come on, Sal, really? You were literally just going to turn the lamp on.

Your cheeks are her favorite things to kiss. They're just so soft and warm, and she loved cuddling against you and pressing her lips there, holding you close and breathing in your comforting scent. Ah, you're so amazing, (y/n), she loved you so much.

When it comes down to kissing other, more intimate body parts, Sally is a little bit on the shy side, timid and uncertain of herself. What if she embarrasses you? Or what if you don't enjoy it? You've learned that the easiest fix for the solution is turning the lights off.

She's too shy to kiss in public, but when you're in a dark room by yourselves, she's much, much more open. Honestly, you're in for a world of treats. Sally may be sweet, but behind the curtains she's quite the hungry devil. Prepare yourself.

Sally has her insecurities, but around you she's willing to fight them in order of showing just how much she loved you.

Carmina

What's worse than not having a tongue? Not having a tongue to apologize.

Carmina is a special case. She loves kisses, and she especially loves kissing you, but there were dilemmas some times. Like when her mouth dripped ink- who wants to be kissed by that? No, you can't convince her it's okay. She's too embarrassed and ashamed.

So what does she do in replace of her real kisses? She summons sweet, friendly crows to kiss you for her. One by one they land on your arms and gently peck your nose, ears and chin, cawing softly in appreciation for they love you just as much as Carmina does.

When she is able to kiss you, she kisses your head, hands and chest. Because of her ink-arms, you had to support yourself, but it was no mind. As long as she got to love you she was happy.

Carmina loves it when you kiss her. Being basked in your gentle, loving attention made her feel normal, appreciated and worthy. She felt happiness and reassurance. Sure, some times she got down because of her mutilation, but you're understanding always helped her push through.

So... Accept these pecks of love and gratitude, *caw!*

[comicaurora]

there's a tl;dr at the end if you're a coward who's too scared to read my glorious essay

wassup my name is destruktow i got in an argument with tumblr user flishthedragon (over discord) on the topic of aurora being an isekai (we were watching anime (they made me watch serial experiment lain (it was decent but i am too stupid for it)) and i brought up isekai) and i am convinced you bastards in the notes of when they posted my ramblings have no clue what an isekai is because an isekai is not defined by said isekai guy previously existing in the "real" world (despite that making up the majority of isekai stories) and let me tell you that i Have Not read past like the big robot thing (despite tumblr user flishthedragon being very adamant that i do so) so i have no clue if this still holds up to canon but as of right now we have no confirmation as to where jeffrey (canon name kendal i think but i call him jeffrey due to him looking like a jeffrey) originated from outside of "yeah jeffrey is like. this dude's empty body becoming sentient" which is bullshit so even by the bad definition everyone in the notes was pushing it's still not confirmed to not be an isekai and

*i pause to take a breath. as i breathe, you glance at my shirt. it has an image of popular comic strip character Garfield along with his adopted sibling/punching bag Odie and sugar daddy Jon Arbuckle. you appreciate said shirt*

also is space jam an isekai? it's absolutely an isekai dude lmao i love space jam that movie's great

okay back on topic so isekai originates from ancient japanese literature such as the story of Urashima Tarō, fisherman guy who saved a turtle and got to go to fishland for a week (my apologies to the urashima tarō fans out there my only exposure to this man is that they put him in battle cats and that was pretty cool, he's a decent black/angel tank that manages to not be outclassed by ramen and nono) and holy shit look at that you don't have to die to be isekai (no one was saying this but at least two of you were thinking it don't lie) and while reincarnation stories are not inherently isekai they can be viewed as isekai stories in certain contexts and those stay in the same world that's crazy

omniscient reader is also an isekai btw (if you finish it it's actually not but if you don't read like 500 chapters you can't prove me wrong and if you do i get someone to talk to about omniscient reader)

so obviously jeffrey exists (was summoned (technically)) for the purposes of getting vaush (that's not his name but it sounds like vaush and i used to be a vaush fan so we're going with it)'s soul back (has a goal given to him by a god) and he gets a companion (whether she is hot or not may depend on your taste and/or sexuality. me personally she is not hot) and he has big fucked up powers (real) BUT he keeps the memories of the previous host! wow! but screw you that's also an isekai thing i'm reading trash of the count's family and it does that (you suck stop typing stop trying to disprove me it won't work) and his existence prior, as i have mentioned, is disputable (he may or may not have existed. retaining your memories from previous life is not necessary) and his journey is fucking identical to various other isekai franchises you learn how shit works alongside him that's how isekai works you doubters in the notes

tl;dr: you can't prove it's not an isekai (author please do not confirm/deny it becomes much less funny if you do so) and it's infinitely easier to think of it as a typical isekai with all the isekai tropes so gg ez i win

[sugar-champagne]

Sick day

Male y/n

Summary: Y/n takes care of a sick jeffery while his mom is out and something cuddly happens

The final bell of the day echoed through the halls of Y/N's high school as he rushed to grab his things from his locker. Something had been off all day. Jeffrey hadn’t shown up to class, which was unusual for him. He always made a point to be there, even if he was late.

The day felt so empty without his best friend by his side to talk about the new *Fullmetal Alchemist* episode they had just watched.

As Y/N gathered his books, a classmate passed by, mentioning to someone else that Jeffrey was out sick. Without wasting any time, he stuffed his bag with some essentials, asked for Jeffrey's homework so he could deliver it to him, and made a beeline for the exit.

The walk to Jeffrey’s house felt longer than usual, the worry gnawing at Y/N’s insides. *He was sick? Why didn't he tell me? I'm his best friend; we tell each other everything. Could he be so sick he can't pick up the phone?* This thought made the idea of Jeffrey suffering unbearable.

Finally, Y/N reached his front door, hesitating for just a moment before knocking. Thankfully, his mother answered quickly.

“Hello, ma'am. Is Jeffrey here? I heard he was sick, so I wanted to stop by and see if he was okay and to give him today's homework.”

Jeffrey’s mother let him in and said, “He's fine, he's just relaxing in his room. Do you mind watching him? I have a date, and I don't think my son should be left alone like this, so do you mind watching him for a bit?”

It was normal for Y/N to be alone with Jeffrey outside of school, but that didn’t stop the sound of his heart thumping loudly in his chest. The seconds stretched on until he heard shuffling footsteps inside. The door creaked open, revealing a tired and disheveled Jeffrey.

His normally bright brown eyes were clouded with fatigue, and his hair was a mess. He was wrapped in a blanket, surrounded by tissues and empty water bottles, shivering slightly despite the warmth in the house.

“Y/N? Is that you? What are you doing here?” His voice was scratchy, like he’d been coughing all day.

Y/N swallowed hard, suddenly feeling awkward under his gaze. “I… uh… heard you were sick. I brought you some soup and medicine.” He lifted the bag slightly, as if it needed further explanation.

Jeffrey blinked the sleep out of his eyes, clearly surprised to see him here, before a faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “You didn’t have to do that,” he said softly, watching Y/N walk closer to his bed.

“I wanted to,” Y/N mumbled, stepping into the familiar space and crouching to be at eye level. He’d been here countless times before, but the air felt different now—charged with something he couldn’t quite name. He made his way to the kitchen, trying to focus on the task at hand rather than the way Jeffrey’s presence seemed to fill the room.

As Y/N unpacked the soup and medicine, Jeffrey leaned against the counter, watching him. The silence between them was heavy, but not uncomfortable. Just… tense. Y/N could feel his eyes on him as he left the room, his hands shaking slightly as he poured the soup into a bowl and heated it up.

When it was ready, he handed it to Jeffrey, their fingers brushing briefly. The contact sent a jolt through Y/N, and he quickly pulled his hand back, his face heating up. “Here,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “It should help.”

“Thanks,” Jeffrey replied, his voice quieter than usual. He took the bowl and sat down at the small kitchen table, Y/N following suit and sitting across from him. Jeffrey watched as Y/N took a spoonful of the soup, his face flushing with embarrassment as the warmth spread through him. He was so nervous, but Y/N wanted to feed him, and he couldn't throw away this opportunity to get closer.

“T-this is really good,” he said after a few moments, glancing up at Y/N. There was something in his eyes—something Y/N had seen before but never dared to acknowledge. It made his heart race.

“I’m glad,” Y/N replied, his voice barely

Sorry this took so long but this was long as shit

@iforgottoavoidthenoid

@sakurashana

@jeffery09luvr

@zaythemain

[shannendoherty-fans]

September 6, 1991 - Jeffrey Thurnher for Entertainment Weekly.

90210

ADVICE TO the makers of Guess? jeans, the hawkers of Clearasil acne balms, the scholars of A.C. Nielsen ratings-to anyone, in short, who urgently needs to know what teenagers are watching on TV these days: Forget about the dweeby viewer diaries. Skip the fusty focus groups. Just follow the shrieking fans.

Note that Fox's Beverly Hills, 90210, now in its second season, makes young women scream and young men whoop. Study the mail sacks that arrive at Fox daily, bulging with the letters of thousands of teen viewers who urgently need to know what's going to happen next to their favorite 90210 characters ─ characters called Brenda and Dylan, Brandon and Andrea, Kelly and Steve, and David and Donna.

Observe the contagious hysteria brought on by thousands of consumers squished together in shopping malls for hours awaiting the appearance of their favorite 90210 actors ─ actors called Luke Perry and Jennie Garth, Shannen Doherty and Ian Ziering.

Listen to the household silence that reverberates for an hour each Thursday night ─ no phones ring, no Guns N' Roses bloom ─ as millions of sets fix on Fox.

Measure the decibel levels and get with the program: The shriekingest show on the air today is a soapy drama about the lives of eight students at Southern California's fictional West Beverly Hills High, class of Right Now.

The plots of Beverly Hills, 90210 revolve around the lives of teenage twins Brandon and Brenda Walsh (Jason Priestley and Shannen Doherty) ─ recent transplants, along with their down-to-earth parents, from the heartland of Minneapolis. In past weeks, boosted by a savvy programming decision to run all-new episodes in July and August while other shows lounged in repeats, 90210 has become Fox's most popular series, bigger this summer than The Simpsons and Married... With Children. First in the hearts of teen viewers on any network, any month (with a solid 58 percent of the adolescent audience), the show gives NBC ratings buster Cheers a run for its money in the 9 p.m. time slot. When teen viewers go back to school this week, so do the students at West Beverly; the new semester starts on Thursday, Sept. 12. That Priestley is teen-angel hunky and Doherty is pouty-pretty doesn't hurt; these twins are zit-free dreamboats. But 90210 zings heartstrings for deeper reasons, too. To fans, the show is, well, like life. Only cuter. Neater. Cooler. The kids at West Beverly mess up and move on in ways that never made the storyboards for Head of the Class. They drive nice cars and wear great jeans (a 90210 clothing line is on the drawing board; so are authorized and unauthorized books about the cast, and a quarterly magazine). But they also know about sex and AIDS. They know about drunken driving and alcoholic parents. Many are children of divorce. They know about drug abuse and date rape. They struggle with questions about sex: how far, how fast, how scary, how safe? Life is photogenic in this affluent zip code, but that doesn't make things any easier. To the 90210 audience, this is a great relief.

To veteran producer Aaron Spelling, whose company makes Beverly Hills, 90210, this is also a great gig: In July, Spelling took a Fox order for 30 new episodes-seven more than the usual invoice.

"The core audience was always aware of it," says executive producer Charles Rosin. "It's just that in calendar year '91, the network really promoted the show." Which is more than it did when the series debuted last fall. Muffled by its original name, Class of Beverly Hills, and hidden in a flurry of other teen-oriented programs including Fox's Parker Lewis Can't Lose and NBC's Hull High and Ferris Bueller (the latter two now canceled), the series was barely hyped, mildly received. Many saw it as just one more shallow show from the same Spelling glitz factory that gave us Dynasty and The Love Boat ─ a trendy soap starring a bunch of little-knowns (including Spelling's 18-year-old daughter, Tori).

“I like playing Brenda because they always give me challenging things to do and throw heavy drama at me. For some reason, I’m able to cry easily” ─ Shannen Doherty.

But teens were watching, and talking about it in school the next day. Besides, the show was getting better: The characters were becoming less stereotypical. The story lines (many by Steve Wasserman and Jessica Klein, who have also written for CBS' Northern Exposure) got tougher. The acting became more self-assured.

After the third episode, the producers knew the show was working. "But no one knew about it," recalls Rosin, who was most recently Northern Exposure's supervising producer. "So we developed a scenario to promote it."

The strategy paid off big, especially after Fox featured the series in July to launch the network's new "52-week" program plan, which intersperses reruns with a continuing stream of new stories.

"I knew the fans were there," swears creator and coproducer Darren Star. "Teenagers really respond to what they like. And they like to see something that says, 'I'm not alone.' Look, on our show, the dysfunctional family is the norm."

Star inevitably calls his baby "teensomething." And he inevitably says he was probably most like Brandon in high school ─ but wished he were more like broody, sensitive Dylan McKay, played by Luke Perry. Dylan is Brenda's some-time boyfriend. Brenda and Dylan had sex once, at the end of this year's school season. Brenda thought she might be pregnant but wasn't. She decided she wasn't ready for sex. She decided she wasn't ready for Dylan. They're now in romance limbo, pining and unsure. While network types wrestle with just how much controversial sex is enough ─ but not too much ─ in the season to come (now that more advertiser eyes than ever are watching), eight trillion teenagers understand Brenda and Dylan. Totally.

"ONCE DYLAN'S HAD a woman, she stays had." That's Luke Perry talking about the Brenda-Dylan Thing. Perry, a onetime soap actor (Loving, Another World), is in his makeshift dressing room in the anonymous Van Nuys warehouse that serves as the 90210 stage set (suburban Torrance High School substitutes as West Beverly for exterior shots). Perry's probably pushing 30, although, like almost everyone else in the cast, he coys up about his age ─ the better, they each avow, to preserve teenish illusions. He's bare-chested. He's bouncing a basketball. And he's being cool ─ charmingly, full-of-it cool. "We're the show that almost was on the network that isn't yet, and here we are, kickin' a little ass, if I do say so myself," he says himself in his smoky Dylan voice. Bounce. Bounce.

Two days earlier, on Aug. 10, Perry had made headlines when an estimated 10,000 shrieking fans at a Plantation, Fla., mall stampeded at the sight of him. Twenty-one people were injured, and the actor was hustled away by police ─ a promo stunt he says he won't be repeating. Was he upset?

"Feel my pulse," he dares, holding out a cool, bare wrist. "Pretty normal, huh?"

Yes, but what's normal in an industry where little-known young actors become wealthy heartthrobs overnight? Many in the cast smoke, with nervous, grown-up gestures. Some have just bought houses. Big, grown-up houses. All are feeling pretty excited, pretty jazzed, pretty dazed. They goof around a lot, and cut up with the crew. The guys in the cast slap and hug and talk about going skeet shooting together. And to a man they claim to have no girlfriends, that they're free agents. (The message: Female fans, there's hope!) The 90210 girls give and receive back rubs. To a woman, they've got boyfriends. (Hint: Guys, back off!)

They claim no tensions, these fragile egos with soft faces, no competition ─ nothing but comradely exhaustion.

"But I think we're all ready for a break!" That's Shannen Doherty sighing with an edgy giggle. Doherty, a screen veteran (one of the Heathers in the 1989 movie of that name and a graduate of NBC's Our House), is defensive, cautious, upset by recent reports that she is difficult on the set. "That's stupid stuff!" she says. There's a sleep-de-prived pallor beneath her Brenda makeup. She giggles again.

During one break, while director Charles Braverman and his crew of 90210-like techies hug and slap each other and set lights, 18-year-old Brian Austin Green blasts his boom box with friends ─ teen colleagues in a rap-rock band he has just formed. "David Silver," he says of the character he plays, "is the annoying guy nobody wants around, but they can't get rid of him." Jennie Garth, who plays Kelly, the "fast" girl, plops down with Gabrielle Carteris, who plays Andrea Zuckerman, the brain. "I think Andrea's really going through a budding time now," says Carteris.

Tori Spelling hunkers in her dressing room with her teddy bear, Stanley. "My character, Donna Martin, is kind of ditzy," she says in a tiny voice. "Into money. She puts down people who aren't popular. I think she's more sensitive than that, though. I think she's really funny." Ian (that's EYE-An, like it says on his license plate) Ziering wanders out to hug and slap his buddy Luke. "Steve Sanders [his role] thinks he can get away with flashing a smile and buying his way out of trouble." Ziering flashes his own smile; he's in actor heaven. "I feel the writers are so capable and I'm not just blowing sunshine up anybody's tush!"

And then there's Jason Priestley. "Jay-Man, Jay-Bob, Jay-Bird!" raps Luke Perry. "Let me show you my Jason pose!" Perry stands in a hustler's slouch, thumbs hooked into waistband. Priestley hugs and "Hey, man!"s with the best of them. He's hot. He's cool.

"Brandon's going to get into a little bit of trouble this season, which I'm looking forward to," Priestley hints. He drags on a cig.

Trouble?

"Well, I could tell you ─ but then I'd have to kill you. Top secret around here, I'm telling ya." Priestley smiles a Priestley smile. A makeup girl comes over for a hug, or maybe it's a kiss. "This is not a high-pressure show to work on," director Braverman says, dryly. Of course not; he's in the middle of receiving a back rub. High school was never like this.

No, wait, maybe it was: a lot of excitement, a lot of requirements, and tons of pressure to be popular.

"All shows have their peak," sums up Tori Spelling, who probably heard a thing or two about the subject growing up. "Right now we're in our peak. I don't want to think about the future. I just want to enjoy it. After we did the pilot, everybody was, like, 'What show are you on? 902-what?' Nobody heard of us. And now-now our goal is to beat Cheers one day, beat them in the share points. Or something."

The students and fans of Beverly Hills, 90210 are cheering: Go, Team, Go

[ofsmokenandgold]

The Cleaning Lady 3x06

Putting my thoughts here since the Facebook pages are too toxic (so many women who were obsessed with Adan Canto and can't get over the fact that he's gone).

This week was great and finally brought Arman's story to an end (kind of, it looks like we're getting the funeral/memorial next week).

Arman went out saving Thony, which was a good way for his story to end. He will not be back - recasting him would have been hellaciously disrespectful to Adan Canto.

But, once again, Thony fucked up and someone died. If she hadn't tried to find where Dante was holding Arman, and then hadn't got Jeffrey to follow them, he'd still be alive. Even if the drop hadn't worked out, chances are no one would have died.

Which brings us to why the drop was compromised - my money is on Jeffrey. He's just too conveniently to hand when Thony needs him. I think he's FBI undercover - put there to try to get to Arman through Thony - and it worked! Nadia tells Thony where the drop is (WHY?) and then Thony gets Jeffrey to take them there.

The Sanchez siblings continue to bicker about the business, Jorge is clearly not happy about the human-trafficking end of the cartel business and Ramona just as clearly thinks he's still just her little brother and needs to just shut up and follow her lead. Hence why she wants Arman to take her side. And that little exchange between her and Eduardo in the flashback was very revealing. "Es mi hijó." "No es tú hijó; es mi hijó." Is Arman actually her son? If she was a teenage mother forced to give him up to her brother and his wife to save the family reputation that would explain why she seems so very attached to him. She certainly seemed to favor him in the whole Cadillac sub-story.

Anyway, I think the rest of the season is going to play out with Ramona and Nadia figuring out that Thony was the cause of Arman's death and Jorge having to protect Thony from their wrath.

[the-ultimate-pie-family]

Blood: ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! *charges summoning his blood keyblade jumps*

Slender pony: *catches blood by his throat as he tries swinging* bye blood *stabs blood, taking out god of his body and dropping blood, walking away* Thanks for god blood it's so easy to kill u now

Blood: *vomits white blood getting up, gripping his blood keyblade* i-i..... *kneels down* ...... done yet

Slender pony: u can beraly stand let inly fight face it ur dead now bye bye *walks off laughing*

Blood: *gets up slowly running* im not done till i see im done!!!!!!!!! *jumps slashing slender pony*

Slender pony: ahhh *smacks blood to a tree watching him hang their* ur washed up u old fuck and accept u lost the fight u can now rest in peace

"Blood hanged there, then something in his body brought fire back to his soul"

Blood: *free himself* ooooh slendy baby

Slender pony: Ugh, u never learn. *turns seeing blood in front of him, but something was different about blood*

Blood: wat wrong baby.........all i want is for u to be mine

"Slender pony fell to the ground crawling away"

Slender pony: p-plz me-ercy.........

Blood: Aww, does my baby want mercy........ *looks in the sky, feeling the rain coming down, hitting his face* too bad all out of mercy *jaw detaches as his body opens up eating slender pony whole taking god back*

God: wat in the unholy shit was that, babe? B-babe?

Blood: *waits*

JTK: *appears stabbing blood in his heart with a kitchen knife* huh?

Blood: *breaks jeffs arm clean off, pulling the kinfe* ............ goodbye Jeffrey

"Then jane came out smacking blood with a baseball bat, then jane felt a sharp pain in her side"

Jane: ....... *looks at blood* dear god........

Blood: *smiles pulsing jane threw a tree, killing her* Now Jeffrey, where were we

Jeff: *howls calling the other getting his neck snapped*

"Blood started feasting on jeffs blood, gaining his strength back."

God: blood stop plz ur scaring me.......

Blood: *stand there waiting for the other to arrive* Don't worry, sugar, it won't take long *summoning the kingdom keyblade*

God: blood plz don't i beg u this will kill u

Blood: *grips the kingdom keyblade crying* i know......im scared of dying........ ever since we became one, i have always wanted to die, but u showed me the love the happiness that comes from my family, my friend, everything u showed me god I'll always remember then when im gone........thank u for everything........

God: blood plz i beg u to run while we still have a chance. i can't u lose u now. *starts crying* plz blood run.........

Blood: *falls on his knees as the kingdom keyblade disappeared, looking into the sky* Did i ever tell u ur the best thing that ever happened to me ur holiness........

God: blood plz let take control.......there's still time to get away........plz.......

Blood: u could've this whole time, god.......but u know im right.......

God: no no no no i won't accept it. i won't lose u blood, not now *takes control, feeling her heart slowly beating again.* blood..........I WON'T LET U DIE ON ME!!!!!!!!

"God let out a holy flash erasing the day they met the creepypasta"

"God woke up on her throne in heaven"

God: blood? Babe? Blood?! Pinkie?!

Sadira: My lord, everything ok?

God: Sadira, where's blood i need to see him now

Sadira: blood, my lord?

God: Don't play dumb where's my vessel? *grabs Sadira* Where is blood rainbow pie!!

Sadira: My lord......he's alive still in the hospital. Why do u want him as a vessel he's a killer........

God: wat r u saying Sadira? Blood has been my vessel for 10 centuries

Sadira: My lord blood was just inmates to the hospital now from an accident

God: That means, oh no, Sadira, how long does blood have till he dies

Sadira: Not long, his injuries r bad. Everything in him is shutting down soon he'll be no more

God: *smacks Sadira away from her diving down to bloods body but was stopped* huh? No no no it can't be no no no no it can't be!!!!!!! I refuse to let u go blood u r mine!!!!!!!!!!!! *enters bloods body*

"Blood woke up remembering a flash he looked around he was on a hospital bed"

Blood: *gets off the bed walking home* Thanks for not forgetting about me, babe wat was that?

God: The erase time spell. i guess it went too far.....im sorry......

Blood: Thanks, babe. *opens the door to castle getting greeted by his first daughter and his mom and his other baby daughter*

Pinkie: Welcome home, son

[casspurrjoybell-24]

The Alpha's Beta - Chapter 16 - Part 2

BOOK ONE: The Alpha's Trilogy

*Warning Adult Content*

His Warmth - Part 2

Alpha Silas Claymore

I brought the strange drink up to my mouth and took a sip.

My tongue was assaulted with the taste of vodka and rum, with a slight berry taste.

I'm guessing to try and add flavour.

I heard Darren chuckle from beside me and I looked back to him to see him looking at me.   

"Moon Goddess, you should have seen your face. You looked like a baby eating a lemon for the first time," he laughed.

I rolled my eyes taking another sip, trying to get used to the taste.   

Before I knew it Darren and I were both five 'maybe six, it could have been seven honestly' drinks in, with four bowls of chips gone.  

"No, no. You should have seen Kyle's face. He had mud all over, it was priceless. Best prank I ever did in High School," Darren said with a laugh.

His hair had fallen over his face and he kept brushing it from his eyes.

I laughed along with him. We'd been telling stupid stories for the past hour.

The pub had gotten pretty empty, maybe only six other people left.   

"Sorry boys," a woman in a white blouse and black dress pants said, coming up to our table.

"We're closing up and I can't in good conscience let you drive home. Darren you know where the beds are so give me your keys. You can get em' in the morning."  

Darren rolled his eyes handing the brunette his car-keys.

I couldn't help but wonder how many nights Darren had spent here, if he knew where the beds were so well.   

With a bit of trouble the both of us got up from our spots.

Darren took hold of my shoulders as he stirred me towards the door that led outside.

I was kind of confused.

I mean what kind of place had rooms outside.

I kept tripping over my own two feet.

Getting distracted by the warm tinkle that I felt in my shoulder.   

Darren led me behind the pub and into a small building that I hadn't seen before.

It looked just like the pub on the inside.

Well of course without the bar and chair but it was wooden too, with wooden furniture all over.

Jeffrey sat behind the large desk, looking through a cell-phone.

Poor guy... a waiter and a desk person.... that must suck.   

I hadn't noticed that Darren had got a room key and was back to stirring me towards the long hallway.

He stopped in front of a door with 8A on it and opened it up.   

The room had two beds, with white sheets and dark blue blankets, there was a T.V. on a dresser across from the beds and a phone on the end table between them.

A door that most likely led to a bathroom and a few hooks by the door.

Darren closed the door when he pushed me in and collapsed on one of the beds. 

He mumbled something to me as I sat on the bed across from him, taking off my shoes.

"What?" I asked throwing my shoes towards the dresser.

"I said," he sat up and faced me.

"I texted Simon were we are, so there's no need to worry about the pack."   

"I wasn't worried," I replied.

I watched as Darren discarded his shirt, showing off his well defend chest and stomach, that held a wonderful six pack.   

"Good. That's exactly what we came here for," he chuckled.

I got kind of lost in his laugh.

I mean, it sounded great.

I got to hear it so much tonight.

It gave me all these weird feelings in my stomach.

Like a song that you want to hear again and again because the lyric hit you in just the right way.   

I hadn't realized what I had done until I did it and I wish I could take it back because it wasn't in my plan for things to get as far as that.

His laugh stopped as my lips landed on his and in my alcoholic fog I kissed him and his own alcoholic fog he kissed me back.

I felt myself get up from the bed, not daring to break the warmth that traveled on my mouth.

I stood in front of him, slowly I felt him raise off the bed until we were both at the same height again.   

I almost jumped when I felt his hands land on my waist.

The warmth spread through me, everywhere his hands were felt like they were on fire.  

It was possibly the best feeling I had ever felt before.   

My arms found there way to his chest then up to his shoulders where I clung to.

Before I knew it I was flat on my back on my own bed with Darren on top of me.   

The kiss was starting to get to heated as his tongue asked for entrance into my mouth and I let it, wanting to know if the warmth, would shared there too and it did.

My whole body felt like a warm summer day.

In a desperate act we both fumbled with my shirt until it was successfully pulled off.

Darren's lips left mine.

I could feel myself about to whine in protest, until I felt them on my neck, where he sucked and nipped until his lips met mine again.

I could feel his hands on my belt, undoing my pants.

I used that time to slide his jeans off.

I could feel him hit my stomach when I got his pants down to his thighs.

I started laughing.

That's when Darren pulled away and looked at me with one brow raised.   

"What?" he asked, as he shifted his hands onto the bed, next to my head.  

"You're not wearing underwear. Moon Goddess, that must be uncomfortable," I chuckled, not really caring how stupid I sounded.

He just shook his head and met his lips with mine again.  

Everything was going well.

Soft pants and light moans filled the room as we both grinded on one another.

He pushed himself down onto me as I lifted up to meet him.

I could feel his hands slowly move there was down my sides.

A gasp left my lips when I felt his hand wrap around my length.

He agonisingly started to slowly move his hand up and down my shaft.

His lips moved back to my neck.

He worked me like that, for a few minutes.

Him was working me slowly and I was trying to control the sounds that dripped out of my mouth.

Finally I felt the pleasure-full tingle travel from my groin to my chest as my body tensed up and I released in his hand.

It took a few seconds for my to compose myself and when I did he seemed to have gotten a whole new idea.   

I was just getting back into the rhythm of his grinding when I felt fingers where fingers shouldn't go and that immediately sobered me up.

"No, no. No way."

I pushed him away scrambling to sit up.   

"What? Don't tell me you're a virgin?" Darren huffed rolling his eyes.

"No. I'm not but you're not going anywhere near there. I'm a top, just a top."

Darren looked at me like I was the dumbest person in the world and frankly I could be at this moment but I wasn't letting him stick anything up my ass drunk or sober, it wasn't happening, not tonight.  

I rubbed my hands over my face and went to explain myself to Darren but when I looked over he was already lying down sideway across my bed with his eyes closed and low snores coming from his half opened mouth.   

I shrugged climbing onto his bed and pulling the covers over myself.

I could only hope we would both forget about this in the morning.

[casspurrjoybell-17]

Hart and Hunter - Chapter 41 - Part 3

*Warning Adult Content*

It takes a few weeks for things to get back to normal... or the closest to normal that things get in Spring Lakes.

A good night's rest is all I need and Ingrid bounces back just as fast 'though she says she'll be happy to get back to New York, now'.

Fortunately, Danni recalls little of their ordeal and Savannah remembers nothing.

Erickson, while shaken, has emerged more or less unscathed, though Coleridge has taken my advice and placed him on paid leave.

I have a feeling he might reconsider his calling.

Coleridge herself has taken the supernatural revelations surprisingly well, having always suspected there was more to what went on around here than met the eye.

She promises to help us ensure the caverns are permanently sealed and has already put a motion before the town planning committee to have the old buildings brought up to code, which would include new, very solid foundations.

Meanwhile, an investigation has been opened into Rian Halloran's 'disappearance' and his colleagues in Ireland notified.

I've notified Leon Marsh, my accidental contact in the FBI, as well and he's already moved to have the case quietly shelved.

Officially, the burglaries and the deaths of Jeffrey Lagrange and Stephanie Wong remain unsolved, filed away in a drawer full of many others in the same category.

Coleridge has asked me to take a look at the backlog, just to see if any fall within my 'wheelhouse' as she says.

Of all of us, Julian is the slowest to recover and as usual, he's the one that worries me.

As the days pass, he remains quiet and withdrawn, eating little and sleeping a lot.

Most of his waking hours are spent staring out the window, lost in thought.

After I come home from a trip to the store and find him exactly where I left him hours earlier, curled up in the window seat, I confront him.

"Hey, Jules," I say, rubbing his shoulders as I sit at his side.

"You gotta let it go. I'm sorry about Halloran and about Rhiannon and sorry for all the shit that happened in the past but that's where you gotta leave it. At least for now."

He nods.

"I know. I'm just worried I made a mistake," he says.

"Giving the book to Eirnín. I just can't put it from my mind. Rhiannon said to guard it but in the moment..."

He bites his lip.

"Who could it be safer with than her own mom?"

His blood relatives don't have the best track record for trustworthiness but I keep that thought to myself.

"You couldn't read it anyway," I say.

"You still have the pictures you took of the pages, though, right? We'll send them to Noah. He likes puzzles. In the meantime, worrying about it won't do any good. It's a problem for another day."

He turns to me with a soft smile.

His guard is down and the full blast of his beauty makes my breath catch.

"Here's to another day, then," he says and presses himself into my arms and kisses me.

I hope it's because I got through to him and not because it's what I want and what he is but either way he does as I ask and let's the matter lie.

********

A month later, another full moon rides high in a clear sky and bright stars bless the night.

I stand in Wolf form... not upon the highest ridge or at the standing stones but in the open meadow right outside my front door.

A sense of peace fills my heart... the quiet confidence of knowing I am right where I belong, that I have conducted myself well and that my mother and father may be proud to call me their son.

The ritual is nearly complete, my life now wed to the land as much as to the life of my mate.

He stands at my side, his hand resting lightly on my back, while my sisters 'also as Wolves' look on as witnesses.

One last thing remains.

Tilting back my head, wolf-song rises from my throat on a ribbon of sound... a long ululation of praise to the lords of the hunt and to the Moon Goddess above, as well as a summons to any who would challenge me.

Three times, I fill and empty my lungs and three times I wait for a reply.

None is made and in the silence, the ritual is done.

The land is mine and I belong to the land, as Alpha.

I tip my head back one last time and let forth a different sort of howl... deep and long and filled with triumph.

My sisters join in with joy and Julian adds his voice as well, light and musical.

And so, with the strange yet fitting combination of a Wolf and a Fae at its head, the Spring Lakes Pack is born.

[portablefrailty]

Shades of Freshman Year?

This is the kind of win you’re not supposed to get.

Facing a great team on their home ice in a 2-0 hole and desperate to stay in the series; facing the best power play in the league and itching to break an 0-10 drought and avenge a PK that’s surrendered 4 goals; facing a goalie change; coming off 50+ shots faced in Game 2; up against a 40-25 shot disadvantage, a 39% face off win rate, a 31-17 deficit in hits--nothing about Game 3 boded a Rangers win.

The script unfolded as expected in the first. Guentzel, the deadline acquisition who’s scored maybe more playoff goals against the Rangers than any other player, buries another. Carolina allows no let up but holds the lead into mid second period when, at 7:39, Fox gets called for tripping.

Carolina goes on their third power play of the game, hoping lucky 13 will break the drought.

They. have. all. the. momentum.

Guentzel wins the faceoff. For thirty seconds its a firing squad: Burns, Jarvis, Aho, Guentzel and Svechnikov all shoot the puck. One block, one miss and three saves by Igor.

Just past the eight minute mark the whole series undergoes a seismic shift.

Zibanejad jumps a bad cross-ice pass at the blue line. He and Kreider are off--two white streaks breaking down ice with one hapless stick swinging, back checking defender between them.

Kreids buries the shorty. 1-1 score.

For the rest of the second it feels like the Canes (team, coaches and fans collectively) have been punched in the throat. The momentum shift feels like round 2 in Rocky IV after that hook tears Drago’s eye open.

The Canes were so rattled the Rangers damn near scored again on the same kill. Twice.

After that, nothing surprised me. Not the go ahead third period goal. I thought the Rangers might take it 2-1 but Carolina does their thing with the goalie pulled. Svechnikov at 18:24. Ho-hum. No panic. Three minutes and nineteen seconds later (not including intermission)-- By the time Panarin rips the game winner (his fourth), it feels like it's meant to be.

Wins like this are about the surest sign you can ask for that it's your team's year.

The series isn't over (technically), Boston ain't bad and Florida is scary, and the west has got scoring talent galore. Not to mention the Avs: as a Jersey transplant in Colorado, the thought of a another Avalanche cup win, this time at the Rangers's expense, makes me throw up in my mouth.

All of the above notwithstanding--the Rangers have the '94 Mojo. Another President's Trophy, another 7-0 start to the playoffs. They're also rested and, with Chytil back, actually healthier than ever! Unlike the Knicks, who are a Brunson ankle-tweak away from forfeiting--the Rangers are spreading the love and could absorb almost any loss. Just when you think a Ranger's name hasn't been mentioned in a while, he scores.

Hell, with Quick on the bench, we could even survive losing Shesterkin!

The 5-5 issue has turned into a nothing burger with a healthy six to date in these series and a slew in round 1. Not that anemic even-strength scoring matters much when you're dominating on the power play and your PK has more goals on opposing penalties than your opponents do!

In the face of this freight train Carolina be like Michael Spinks after a hard right from Tyson--a fine boxer whose grand strategy is now trickling down his leg and will be lucky to make the first bell.

Lest I be accused of jinxing my beloved Blueshirts: I'm not having Stanley Cup visions yet. But I can't deny that tonight's vibes have a premonitory quality to them.

Not exactly Stephane Matteau, Jim Leyritz or David Tyree tremors.

More like Kovalev's goal in Game 6, Jeffrey Maier's catch, or Brandon Jacobs vs. the shot clock at Texas Stadium.

Rest assured, though, Lord Stanley's mug remains as impossibly silver and elusive to me as the Holy Grail.

After tonight, though, I will permit myself a fond remembrance of the day Ken Conrad brought a cardboard and tinfoil replica to school one fine spring day in the waning weeks of freshman year (June 15th, 1994, to be exact). It was glorious. Every Ranger fan was decked out like an American flag while the eye of every Devil's fan (about 70% of my high school) burned red with bitterness or green with envy at the sight of that faux trophy.

The afterglow lasted precisely one week--ending the night John Starks went 0-11 from three point land doomed the Knicks in Game 7 against the Rockets. After finally getting past the (Jordanless) Bulls, I was sure the script called for a Knicks coronation and felt a bit cheated to be denied the double title.

I was 15. A year later I watched NY getting swept by the Legion of Doom, Claude Lemieux snag the Conn Smythe and the Devils raise their first cup (with two more slated for my college years).

At age 45, I have learned not to take championship glory for granted. 30 years on, following the Rangers negotiate the two month gauntlet that is the NHL playoffs is about a nerve wracking as witnessing my son's birth in the middle of the Boulder Floods of 2013--7-0 record be damned.

Tonight at least I'm making a point to enjoy the ride so far.

[thesinglesjukebox]

DASHA - "AUSTIN"

You mean the Red Scare girl DIDN'T pivot to country?

[5.33]

Andrew Karpan: A thrilling expression of the current state of cowboy country, in the form of a square dance about leaving gentrified Austin to find the real thing in LA. A tale as old as time. [6]

Will Adams: A great setup -- a couple plans to blow this town for LA but he gets cold feet; spurning ensues -- completely fumbled. Between the underbaked narrative (there's barely a second verse to flesh out the story!) and anodyne stomp-clap backing, it's hard to get engaged. Or maybe it's that the main melody kind of sounds like "DotA." [4]

Jeffrey Brister: Nothing here really sticks: a C&W preset backing track, complete with persistent stomp-clap rhythm; lyrics made entirely of country cliche, paired with a vocal performance that gasps every one of them like a revelation; the fantasy that this is the woman who walked out in “Fool Hearted Memory” and thinking he shouldn’t be beating himself up over losing someone so unremarkable; an overall vibe that someone listened to “you should be sorry” then stripped out anything that made it distinctive. The only reason this isn’t lower is because it has a basic sense of craft and professionalism, that cold sleekness one expects from pop music. That’s probably the faintest praise I’ve ever typed out. [4]

Ian Mathers: "Austin" is most definitely pop, but it feels a lot more country than most of the pop-country we get here. The elements I can trace that make me feel that way have occurred in songs I've deeply disliked; the steady, stomping beat, the timbre of the acoustic guitar and other instrumentation, the vocal delivery, the lyrics. And yet here they all coincide in a way that makes me feel like I suddenly get what others see in a genre I mostly can't stand. Even just the contrast between the ache in her voice on the chorus and the brusqueness of "I loved you; how tragic" is knocking me out a little. "Austin" is so good that I'll probably cut the next couple lesser examples of the form a little more slack. [10]

Alfred Soto: Beyoncé got shit for playing with the holy Ark of the country tradition. Here's a better example of 1-900-HEE-HAW.  [2]

Oliver Maier: PRO: the hook sounds a bit like "All I Ever Wanted". CON: the rest of it doesn't sound like much at all. PRO(?): Dasha is a funny name for a country musician. [4]

Nortey Dowuona: A pivot toward country as it swallows up the massive gap in streaming that rap left behind is a savvy and novel move, since Dasha's album Dirty Blonde had no actual hits nor any mentions except by yours truly. The holding place for "Austin" is What Happens Now, a completely forgotten album from February of this year that can now gather whatever halfhearted extra streams that trickle back from this song. But Dasha herself is a mystery: a bold but anodyne voice that holds the heavy guitar lick at bay. Lyrics like "hell of a bluff, you had me believing/how many months did you plan on leaving?" are cutting enough but don't stick deeply or produce an interest in the voice that carries them. [6]

Taylor Alatorre: For such a hard-to-screw-up premise, the narrative is surprisingly wobbly -- if she doesn't know where the guy went or why, how does she know he's in Austin at all, much less whether he'll still be planted there four decades from now? Dasha could have wrung some pathos out of the scenario by zeroing in on the most maddening aspects of being ghosted: the nagging uncertainties and never-to-be-answered questions brought to the fore. Instead she tramples on whatever relatability she built up elsewhere by strutting cockily into the end of the chorus, going for the rhetorical kill shot at point-blank range, and missing. [3]

Katherine St. Asaph: The backstory is ambiguous, frustratingly so -- if she's going back to LA, what was she doing in Austin, and why is she talking about it like it's her dead-end childhood town? (When was the last time Austin qualified as a dead-end town? It barely even qualifies for Keep Austin Weird anymore.) Why is the ex in the mix, even as an excuse -- is she a rebound? The other woman? If his shit was never packed, presumably he'd be coming home at some point to get it? (Whose home is this, even?) But wondering what the fuck even happened here, accidental or not, at least makes sense for a song about wondering what the fuck even happened here. And despite not being originally country -- her older stuff approaches The Fame -- Dasha takes to the genre with enough Kelsea Ballerini-ish pluck to sell whatever the fuck that is. [7]

Iain Mew: The strings are the most exciting musical element of "Austin". They also form a promise that it doesn't deliver on: there is no accelerating intensity, and the only part of the song where the music gets to run away has already happened when the strings come in. The chorus ends with what could work as a kicker, but the song peters to a stop with "did your ex find out?" sung with no emotion in any direction. The saving grace is that the musical choices could not be any more thematically appropriate: a song about a confusing anticlimax, structured as a confusing anticlimax. [6]

Alex Clifton: The chorus is great, but the chorus is the only part of the song that has any meat to it. At the very least this needs some kind of bridge to prevent the entire thing from sounding so samey. It's a shame, because with a little more finessing, this could've been something neat. I feel so old bemoaning the "TikTokification of music," but that's what "Austin" is: the snippets that sound excellent will end up going viral, but there's nothing else of substance. Maybe her next song will have more than a Dasha inspiration (sorry).  [4]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Something uncanny valley about this – the handclaps are too quantized, the guitar parts too clean in the mix, Dasha's rhymes a little too perfectly posed. Pristine country pop about leaving and cowardice is a long and beautiful tradition, and I'm not begrudging anyone who tries to invert "By the Time I Get to Phoenix" in gender/sentiment/compass direction. But "Austin" lacks a certain aplomb -- the confidence in one's messy choices that would give this the lived-in quality that it so desperately is missing. It sounds like a flight, not a road trip. [4]

Joshua Lu: There's a legitimate sense of spite and bile in the lyrics, with a would-be empowering perspective of a woman determined to move on regardless of whatever's stopping her lover from committing. Dasha's flat delivery belies the premise, though; the song frowns instead of sneers, and the impact is lost. [4]

Mark Sinker: Dasha’s rage is focused and pure and justified, though she very much cannot make this guy seem like a worthwhile proposition: His boots that stopped working are those blobby red cartoon ones that MSCHF put out into the world last year, and then his Cybertruck broke down on some easily traversed dirt road really not far out of town. Ka-clippety-clop ka-clippety-clop, and the disgusted mockery boomerangs back (as she well knows) at her. And that’s reality.  [8]

Isabel Cole: Bings to life the starry-eyed exuberance of planning an escape just long enough to make it feel like she lost something real. Closing the moment of revelation with “Your shit was never packed” is a devastating touch, nicely paid off later as she wonders, “How many months were you planning on leaving?” It’s not just their dream she has to say goodbye to; it’s the illusion of the person she thought she knew, the man who played along without ever intending to follow through, a betrayal worse than mere cold feet. In the chorus, playing the hitch in her voice for all it’s worth, she runs through options she knows she’ll never get closure on, one after the other like signs on the highway. By the end, I believe her that she’ll forget him, but—crucially for the song to work—I also believe she hasn’t yet. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]