#Khan isn’t gonna be completely terrible

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 1)

It wasn't long after Uzi restored N and V's memories that N began to stay over at her “apartment.” more often.

It started when he sheepishly knocked on her door one morning, chassis slightly steaming and looking guilty, tail laying flat against the floor.

“H-H-Hey U-U-zi” His voice was so glichy it was nearly impossible to hear what exactly he was saying, his visor angerly blinking, warning him that he was overheating, as if that wasn't immediately obvious.

“Holy shit! N!” Uzi was immediately concerned, leaning in to help her best freind and to lead him inside, she went to grab his hand to help him. Only to be immediately burned, the temperature of his plating feeling like a stove top.

“Y-y-eah, I'm kinda h-h-ooo-t right now.” He explained as if he wasn't about to melt in front of her. She sprinted to her room, grabbing the canister of oil she'd been sipping on and shoving it in his mouth.

He drank it deeply, emptying the entire container rather quickly, steam plumed around him and he sighed, his joints groaning from the quick constriction back to form.

“Oh wow, that was a little closer than I would have liked. Thanks Uz!” He brightened immediately, tail curling up and beginning to wag, a beaming smile on his face.

“N! What happened? I've never seen you that hot before!” She motioned him in, looking into the hallway to make sure nobody saw him enter. It wouldn't help the already rampant rumors about her. About them.

“Uh, V is in one of her moods after I tried reminiscing with her, she shoved me and I fell into the sunlight.” His explanation was not lacking in enthusiasm, seemingly not thinking about how close the death he just came.

“And she didn't get you oil because…?” Uzi questioned, trying to not notice how he looked around her house in awe, glancing around at everything.

“Oh, because the oil we have is old and a little chunky, it would have taken too long to cool me off before I started to go offline.” He explained, picking up a picture of her father and her, when she was a pill.

“Awww, baby Uzi!”

Blushing, she swiped the picture out of his hands and put it back down.

“Bite me! I'm not cute!” She snapped at him, only for him to laugh lightly, as if that action itself proved whatever point he was trying to make.

“Whatever you say!” He grinned, walking off to pick up another trinket off the shelf and turn it in his hands.

“This isn't the first time you've been here, you've seen it before, also you almost just died. Priorities!”

“I actively avoid thinking about the times I almost die. Also look!” He brought her attention to a picture of her, in a toddler body, bashing her dad in the head with a wrench.

“Looks like you were good with tools even when tiny!” He cooed at her image, Uzi grumbled, trying and failing to swipe the picture from his hands.

“Also, I was unconscious for most of the time I was here. I didn't get to see all your adorable droneling pictures!” He threw his hands up, tail wagging wildly.

Adorable?

“N!” She shouted in indignation, fists balling up and stomping her foot like the was throwing a tantrum.

He put the picture back on the shelf, giggling at her, if he was anyone else she would have bitten back a little harder, but he was incredibly difficult to stay mad at, especially with that crooked, dopey smile.

“Well, I guess I'm stuck with you until nightfall…” She murmured, honestly she had started to become nocturnal herself, being unable to touch sunlight after her strange, fleshy transformation at camp, switching over seemed to be the better option.

“I was about to get ready for bed, if you wanna-”

“Sleepover!” He shouted immediately, looking like he just got the best Christmas gift ever. Uzi couldn't help but smile at him, he was always so endlessly positive.

“Uh, yeah… I guess.” She turned to look aloof, but to also hide her growing fluster, which had been growing more and more common since prom.

She drug him into her room by the arm, partly just to get him away from more of her pictures. And slammed the door behind her. Sighing softly.

When she opened her eyes again, N was sitting on her bed, well more laying, as he was a little too tall to comfortably sit upright without touching the ceiling, and was looking at her nightmare board.

“Mmm. This looks like repressed memories.” He said off-handedly, and he was partly correct, some of them were nightmares, some were things she'd rather be only in her nightmares.

“Just nightmares N.” She replied, going into the corner of the room to find a comfortable shirt to change into. Only to look at N, to realize he was still in his overcoat and hat.

“You want to wear something more comfortable then that coat?” She asked, still pulling through the mountain of clothes.

“Huh? Oh uh, if you have something that fits me.”

Fair enough, he was quite a bit taller than any other worker drone. Especially her.

But luckily, she had hoarded clothes over the years, and finally fished something out that was way too big for her. But would probably fit him just fine. A thin lilac shirt that said. “My Girlfriend Thinks I'm Tall.”

The universe really wanted to shove this crush in her face today. Didn't it?

Whatever, the universe could bite her.

“Here.” She threw the shirt up at him and continued to search for something that suited her. Finally, she saw a faded yellow shirt that read; I'm a Big Freakin’ Ray of Sunshine

Perfect

She turned, only to find N standing naked in the middle of her room, the shirt folded in one hand and his coat draped over the other.

“N!” She immediately whipped around to face the wall, her temperature rising quickly, a violent blush taking over her face.

“What?” He hummed, seemingly unperturbed by being nude in front of her, taking his sweet ass time putting the shirt on.

“You're naked!”

“And? The only difference between us is armor plating.” He responded, pulling the shirt over his head. His voice laced with confusion.

“Still! You don’t see me stripping in front of you!”

N paused for a moment, seemingly pondering this. Before he clicked his tongue.

“I wouldn't mind it, you seem to forget that none of the corpses that make up the spire have clothes.” That made her jump, sometimes she forgot he was a disassembly drone, with his cheerful, loving attitude. And it made her feel a little weird, did all of the worker drones really look so similar?

Did he not think of her as different?

“N-No, I don't care how many you've seen. I don't want you to see me.”

She heard N make some kind of noise, then heard him step out and close the door. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, shit, she didn't realize N would be so nonchalant about it.

She quickly got changed, and reopened the door for N, who met her gaze with a slight blush, and who's hands were shifting against each other awkwardly. Clearly, he'd known he'd said something wrong and overthought it.

“Erm, sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, and I didn't mean to imply that… you look like every other worker drone. Because you don't- uh…” He broke from her gaze for a moment, and his tail flicked irritability. What she could see of his visor he was? Blushing? Maybe?

“You don't look like anyone else. You look like you, and you are my best friend.”

Or maybe he did.

“It's okay, you kinda walk around without pants anyway.”

“So does V!” He defended, before they both dissolved into laughter, awkward moment being pushed aside.

“Come on, let's choose something to watch.” And they walked back into her room, N following as she pulled put a drawer, letting him look at the movies she had.

“A lot of them are animated, looking at live action humans is a little freaky to me.” She admitted, watching as he held each box in his hands. Reading the description of each.

“Oooh, this one is about robots!” He grinned, showing off on of the boxes to her.

“Wall-E? I haven't seen that since I was little.” She vaguely knew it was sappy though, which knowing N, he may have picked up on as well.

‘Yeah sure…” She picked up her homebrew laptop and shoved the disk into the reader, before looking around for a place for both of them to sit.

Her couch was currently covered in railgun parts, where she has been trying (and kinda failing) to repair it after it exploded, she'd nearly had to start from scratch.

But then that left her bed… which would probably end up with the both of them being in pretty close proximity, even more so with how excitable N could get.

N made the choice for her, climbing up to her bed and giving her his hand to help her up.

She blushed, looking away as she took his hand as was hoisted up quickly enough to disorient her, thankfully she didn't loose grip on the laptop.

She landed in his lap, she could tell that much by the ambient warmth radiating from his core, she felt him lean down over her shoulder to start the movie, some of his silvery hair tickling her cheek.

Ah, shit this escalated, does he realize how close we are right now?

Apparently not, as he readjusted himself he forced them closer, Uzi leaning fully against his chest, his head looming above her as she was curled on his lap.

She was extremely happy he couldn't see her visor, which she was sure was nothing but purple at this point.

Still, she eventually relaxed into it, realizing that this was one of the only ways they'd both truly fit on the bed while still being able to see the screen.

She just… didn't remember the movie being so… romantic?

The way Wall-E swooned over Eva's sleek design, melted at her voice, showed her his collection of weird human things… for once she could kinda relate, looking up at the disassembly drone, who's eyes were locked onto the screen.

“Awww, he likes her!” He pointed out when Wall-E tried to hold her hand, and all Uzi could do was shake her head, of course he'd be into romance, that was just so… N.

“Kinda reminds me of when we first met.” She said without thinking, before her words caught up with her and she realized what she was implying.

Luckily, either N didn't call her out or simply didn't notice.

“Yeah… her arm cannon thing is really similar to your railgun.”

Oh thank Robo-Jesus that's what he took from that.

“I don't think you were swooning over me though, with me trying to kill you and everything.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

“Uh- Pfft, I wouldn't swoon over anyone N.”

Yes. Nice Save.

“Thad?” N mentioned, eyes still trained on the screen. Although his tone had shifted slightly, although she couldn't fathom why.

“Ew. No. Sports Jock is not my type, he's just not mean to me.” They both jumped when a lightning strike hit Wall-E as we was trying to recharge her.

“I'm not sure what I'd do if you suddenly went offline like that.” N's voice was uncertain, like it was something he'd been thinking on.

“You worry about that?” Uzi replied, trying to ignore the way her core sped up, but wait his did too.

“Of course, with everything going on I'm afraid someone is going to get hurt in a way I can't fix…” One of his arms wrapped around her, seeking comfort, making her jump slightly.

She wasn't used to other people caring about her to this extent, in the way she knew N did, he was her ride or die and she knew that, and it was worth so much to her.

“If you're talking about V, she can kill us both before taking a breath.”

But showing him that was too scary.

“I don't worry about her as much as I worry about you.” His head rested on hers for a moment, as he watched Wall-E hold onto the side of the spaceship for dear life.

She felt herself smiling, face warm. He was such a wonderful friend, he was one of the only people that truly cared about her.

“I'll be fine… Bite me….” He chuckled, sensing no aggression behind her words. And they fell into comfortable silence, getting reabsorbed back into the movie.

Uzi found herself melting pleasantly in his warmth, she'd expected him to be warm, with his constant need for oil, but had expected it to be more unpleasant, instead it was lulling her to sleep quite rapidly. She felt… safe. And that was weird considering she was cudd- uh leaning against a drone who could end her life before she could even finish her next thought.

But she knew he'd never do that, he would rather melt into a puddle than lay an aggressive hand on her, and in a way that made her feel special, even though he would do the same for any of the worker drones in the bunker.

“Oh she looks really upset…” Her eyes refocused on the screen, Eve shouting at Wall-E while her words faded into the background, showing he wasn't listening.

“He did follow her into space.”

“For love!”

“She doesn't know that, although pretty sure she'd still be mad if she did… it really wasn't a smart decision.” Uzi deadpaned, groaning at N's partly fake offense.

“Love is always the best decision!”

Then please don't let me go

She shook off that thought with a shake of her head, settling back against his chest, realizing his arm was still around her and his head still laid on hers.

They were actually cuddling now, there would be no denying that. But Uzi couldn't bring herself to be upset by it even if a part of herself was screaming about her “reputation.” and her “critical lack of edge.”

“Am I putting you to sleep?” N asked, his voice soft and soothing, it sent pleasant streams of data straight to her core.

“I've already seen the movie, and… you're really warm.” She admitted, looking up onto to find he was looking back at her.

“You don't have to stay awake for me then.”

His eyes were honey, pure and sweet and looking down at her like she was a precious gem. She smiled, eyes dimming as she fell into sleep mode. Was this still just a crush? It didn't feel like one, with the way her core felt full and heavy like it was about to come out of her chest. Was this what love was like? She didn't know, she'd never felt anything close to it before.

[Sleep Mode] appered on her visor and N felt her relax fully into him, letting out a content sigh that made yellow spring to his cheeks. His attention slowly turning to the movie again.

She nuzzled into him in her sleep, making the robot equivalent of a squeak as she did. His core felt light, and a small laugh fell out of his mouth.

He worried about her constantly, with her strange powers and her transformation, she'd put herself in danger, always bravely going into it with so much confidence it tended to rub off on him even if he was nervous. But he still worried, she was still a worker, still small, still so much more fragile. And recently, he'd seen her lacking in confidence, terrified.

Even if she would tell him to bite her if he dared ever call her any sort of fragile. She meant so much to him, his closest friend that he could always count on to be patient with him. She could be prickly, sure, but that was more of a shield she put up to protect herself. Much like the padding of optimism he'd wrapped himself in.

He was really upset knowing how the rest of the colony treated her, as if she was some sort of diseased stray cat that needed to be avoided. It was awful! Uzi had the potential to be so sweet, and it was sad to see her having to create this shell to hide that part of herself.

“Mm… N…” She mumbled in her sleep, and he subconsciously pulled her closer, he'd stopped paying attention to the movie long ago, that was okay, he was recording everything anyway, he'd be sure to pay more attention then.

He was going to make his best freind feel wanted. Like he'd wanted to feel, like she made him feel.

Sleep mode came quickly for him too, until all the sound that escaped the room was the sound of the laptop, until that too died down to nothing.

Next ->

[theskyexists]

The book was good but....I mean - it was well-written, every word, I really really enjoyed it. It was rich with details. but....it didn't make much sense by the end - didn't really end in any twist or coming together.

Are we going to somehow address the fact that there were at least five Mandates? Prince of radiance, the emperor, Zhu, Zhang AND Wang.

What about the prince of radiance? Why was he such a lil weirdo? Oh he remembers all his past lives? So he's totally ok with everybody dying and getting murdered and he himself getting murdered?? Why was he such a lil creep while nobody else who had a mandate was? I thought the mandate came from Will - but he was the least willful person ever.

Anyway all the cultural bits were very very good. The geography, the customs, the embedded history. Zhu just got more and more. Unlikeable. Tho. Lol. Because it simply became completely impossible to count the cost of what she was doing. I don't even understand how they kept all their damn soldiers fed in the rebellion.

This book also taught me that you can skip any sequence of events that seems too unlikely. Just skip it. I.e. the trek to the monastery on roads full of bandits? Skip it. The destruction of the monastery and Zhu's deeply improbable escape from the epicentre? Skip it. Zhu somehow getting away from the bridge and the lowland before her summoned landslide tsunami hits? Skip it. Zhu entering the GOVERNOR'S house and SOMEHOW finding a way to disguise herself as a maid without getting instantly noticed by other servants? Skip it. Somehow getting into the enemy camp unseen and somehow getting into the GENERALS TENT UNSEEN? skip it.

That's actually very educational.

The ending though - that just got entirely confusing I mean..why did Oujang take the city, killing red turbans, who could ostensibly have been his allies in attacking the khan? and THEN betray Esen and presumably THE WHOLE ENTIRE PART OF THE ARMY THAT WAS MONGOL??? how many nan'ren even served?? Couldn't he have assassinated them all before taking the damn city? Couldn't he have told the red turbans to help him and be helped in turn? He was an interesting character esp when it comes to his gender shit and the dynamics between him and Wang and Esen but in the end I didn't really care about him. Could have done with Esen's pov for that last scene.

What about Yuchun, the thief? Irrelevant apparently. Where did the martial artist monk come from? One mention and then he's gone. Yuchun's martial ability never becomes relevant again.

What about the theme. Adult Zhu always seemed just a bit - off - in her casual way of accepting and dismissing the suffering of others. it seemed to me that hardening herself to her own suffering shouldn't necessarily have made her harden herself to others' suffering. Ma is supposed to be her compass after she burns the monk's precepts but she never thinks of her when making her decisions. I thought it was interesting to take a look at the kind of people aspiring to power. They're all terrible - no matter the side. But Zhu? She really does believe (even if it became unnecessary for survival) that her wanting 'greatness' gives her the right to kill thousands. Nice....? If I'd been Ma by the end of that I'd have wanted to hurt Zhu - because Zhu basically said: I don't care about you, your principles, the things I say I value and respect in you, and I'm not gonna take the third way. Well. A tyrant is born. Nothing about that made anything come together though.

Ma has not transcended sexism through getting married to Zhu and having great sex. It did not become at all clear why the fortune teller said that shit if all along it wasn't true. It didn't become clear what Zhu was doing then - cosmologically - if it was not stealing her brother's fate. She'd had that fated fire in her all along ? So fortune teller was just wrong. Except - it's an expression of will - supposedly. Wang seems to have acquired it for example. Zhu acquired it by her fam's grave. So really all that shit about hiding the switcheroo was just nonsense and actually the opposite was true: she became self-actualised through casting that identity off. Flameo hotman. What about whether wanting something is good enough to hurt the people you love and kill thousands? First it was justified by survival - then she just wanted. Ok. And that gave her power. And it will cause her suffering. Only Ma gave a satisfactory answer reflective of the shitty times: if pursuing what you want and not doing so will cause you suffering both - then isn't the superior option to pursue what you want? But Zhu never got to that point. She just wanted power and thought causing suffering was a sacrifice SHE was willing to make. Lol.

Is this gonna be a series??? I mean, yeah the coming events are implied. The north lies for the taking. The khan will be killed or weakened by the suicidal nan'ren of oujang's army. Then the somehow loyal 'people' of Zhu's will sweep in to claim the throne. Wang may yet play some sort of role. Zhang has a mandate to rule a small and rich state to the side.

This makes me think - are the distances in this book really correct?????

[kate-apologist]

I'm sorry this is so angsty but I saw them and had to. Maybe Yaz saying 7.    “I don’t ever want to live without you” to the Doc and comforting her all 5.    “They can’t hurt you anymore”

am i jumping onto the post prison fic bandwagon whenever i’m able to? yeah, yeah i am

Yaz doesn't notice at first when the nightmares start. To be fair to her, she's sleep deprived, often falling asleep at the console of the still parked TARDIS or on the couch in her family's flat (she'd given the Doctor her room the first time she stumbled into the Khan household at just after midnight, soaked through from the rain, eyes haunted) and the Doctor stays up later than her. Yaz hasn't seen her go to sleep once in the whole time that she's been back on Earth, back from prison. 

Yaz doesn't even know if she does sleep. 

But she notices one night after getting up for a glass of water. It's quiet at first, and Yaz almost mistakes it for just the flat being a little loud in the night. They aren't immune to a few creaks here and there. But the sound comes again and it's clearly coming from her room (currently the Doctor's room) so Yaz listens, properly listens. She tunes out the hum of the refrigerator and the ticking of the clock in the corner and she hears the sound again, a bit louder than before. Yaz sets the glass on the counter and moved towards her room.

When she stands outside the door, Yaz can hear more sounds coming from inside and she shoulders the door open, wincing as the hinges creak. There, with the covers twisted about her stomach, face pinched in obvious distress, is the Doctor, making quiet noises as she sleeps. It's the least peaceful scene Yaz has seen the Doctor in, at least for a little while. She seems to have shaken most of the effects of prison off (though Yaz has caught her, when that faraway look enters her and she looks so haunted that Yaz has to wonder if she's ever going to come back) with only the occasional moment. A flinch here, a startled yelp there, small things that build up but Yaz doesn't want to assume. She never wants to assume when it comes to these things.

The Doctor is clearly distressed now, and she's getting louder as the seconds pass and Yaz doesn't want to touch her while she's so obviously distressed but she has to think about the other people in the flat trying to sleep. 

"Doctor," Yaz says and it's little more than a whisper. The Doctor doesn't give much of a reply, she just shifts a bit and Yaz grimaces. She hates the Doctor has to go through this, hates that she wasn't there for the Doctor when she needed her the most. "Doctor, wake up." It's a bit louder now and the Doctor gives a whimper and Yaz sits down at the edge of the bed, calling the Doctor's name one more time. "Doctor, it's Yaz. You're alright, you're having a nightmare."

The Doctor lurches upward with a high pitched gasp, gaze flitting around the room as sweat clings to her forehead. She's shaking, trembling like a leaf and Yaz reaches for her almost on instinct at this point. This is one of the few times the Doctor has allowed her to offer a sliver of comfort, melting against the gentle hand on her back until she falls against Yaz's side. The Doctor is still shaking and Yaz does her best to not let herself be moved by it too much, not wanting to crowd the Doctor while she's only trying to help but eventually the Doctor is just resting against her side.

Her breathing is unsteady and Yaz tugs her a bit closer, making sure to breathe deeply herself so the Doctor can match her. Yaz doesn't look at her, doesn't want to see the pain in the Doctor's eyes because she has to be strong here. She has to be strong for the Doctor and if she sees that pain she won't be able to be what the Doctor needs her to be. 

"Yaz?" the Doctor asks a few moments later, her voice rough.

"Yeah, Doctor, what is it?" Yaz asks, reaching up to run a hand through her hair. She can still recall when it felt so dirty, stiff with lack of being washed and she's glad the Doctor has taken up regular showers, even if she has a tendency to just sit under the spray and stare out at nothing. 

"Can I have some custard creams?" She's so hopeful and Yaz really shouldn't give in to her request because it's so early in the morning but she's torn. The Doctor actively wanting to eat, even just custard creams, is more than Yaz expected and she gets to her feet a few seconds later, moving towards the kitchen. 

Yaz doesn't take very long, and whatever time she takes she regrets spending it away from the Doctor. She's always vulnerable after a nightmare, no matter how strong she tries to appear to be. Scooping a pile of custard creams onto a plate (Yaz has taken to eating them, though she doesn't inhale as many as the Doctor seems to) Yaz strolls back across the flat, trying to be as quiet as she can to keep from disturbing the rest of the household. 

The moment she walks through the door, the Doctor looks up, dropping her hands from her face. The smile that she musters is weak and Yaz decides to say nothing about it. She doesn't want to hurt her feelings, doesn't want to point out the numerous dents in the Doctor's armor. She's already so worn down, Yaz doesn't want to lend a hand to that. 

"Brought you the custard creams," She says, like it isn't already obvious. Yaz can't seem to do anything right around the Doctor, can't say the right things, can't offer the comfort the Doctor so clearly needs but refuses to ask for. 

The Doctor takes the plate from her hand almost reverently and pats the side of the bad next to hers, inviting Yaz to sit. The silence is heavy in the air and Yaz doesn't say much even as the Doctor continues rubbing her fingers over the duvet, staring at nothing. The plate lays forgotten in her lap, a custard cream in her other hand. She hasn't taken a bite out of it.

"Yaz..." the Doctor says, and her voice is faint. Yaz is startled, briefly by it before she looks at the Doctor and tries to meet her gaze. The Doctor still won't look at her. "How long...how long were you looking for me?"

The Doctor had seen the TARDIS, the one she sent home with the Fam before she'd gone to prison, the one that Yaz had spent so much time in, gathering up information, trying to find where the Doctor was. The notes she'd made littered the place, they still did, really. The Doctor, upon her return, had spent long minutes staring at them, taking in the sight before turning to Yaz with a broken expression. They hadn't spoken about it, they never spoke about anything. 

"Ten months," Yaz says. "Felt like years though. Took some time away from work. You," she tries to playfully nudge her shoulder against the Doctor's, but the movement falls completely flat. "You made it a little difficult to find you. Thought I were gonna have to go through the whole universe. Were even learning to fly the TARDIS, though a little terribly mind."

"You're not a Ti-one of my people," the Doctor cuts herself off just a bit through and Yaz wants to shake her shoulders and scream. It's never straight answers with her. Yaz thought that perhaps prison changed a bit of her, any bit but the secrecy is still the same. Her nightmares are just louder now. 

The silence is thick and the Doctor finally takes a bite of her custard cream, as if realizing there's a plate of them sitting right there on her lap. 

"I don't want to live without you again," Yaz blurts out before she can stop herself. She acts like it's the late night or early morning sluggishness that fills her brain. It's easier to blame it on that. "I don't ever want to live without you."

"Oh Yaz." There's so much age in her voice and she looks so exhausted and Yaz realizes too late what kind of a confession it is to drop on the Doctor. "They'll never take me again. They'll never hurt you, hurt me, not anymore..." she trails off and she's shaking again and Yaz wraps her arm about the Doctor's shoulders, the only form of comfort she can offer. The Doctor leans into her and their breathing syncs and for a moment, Yaz can taste peace.

It's enough.

[spacesnail3000]

Brooklyn’s Sweetheart Chapter 18: I Got an Eight-Ball of Yey!

Pairing: Stucky x Reader

Chapter Summary: Ahh, the typical college experience: alcohol and drug abuse, handymen turned sugar daddies, and the inescapable mounting pressure to succeed as the semester progresses.

Word Count: 4,336

Warnings: Language, drinking, drug use

A/N: Hello dear readers, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I have been having so much fun writing America Chavez, Kate Bishop, and Kamala Khan, all of whom I love dearly in the comics. I think this chapter is a lot of fun and I hope you guys do too. Btw I don't condone any of the things being done in this chapter ;)

ALSO: I’ve discovered that the formatting is so weird on mobile?? It doesn’t show any of my line breaks? I want to fix it but HOW??? Why is mobile like this????

Masterlist

X

There was a storm cloud above her head when she entered the apartment several days later and slammed the door. When she threw herself down on the couch next to Kamala, her roommates all exchanged a look before turning their attention to her.

“How was swim practice?” Kate asked tentatively. The other girl’s hair was still wet and she was still wearing her swimsuit, only a pair of tiny spandex athletic shorts covering her.

“Ugh.”

Wanda grimaced. “How was the interview?”

Her whine was cut off as she tossed her arm over her face dramatically. “Mmmfh—”

“That bad?”

She let out a pitiful moan before falling silent.

Kamala reached out and pet her hair gently. “There, there. It’ll be okay.”

She had already had three interviews and none of them had gone well. The last one had ended when she couldn’t give a good answer as to why she would be the best candidate for the position. Utilities were due soon and she had no food of her own in the pantry. Wanda had been taking pity on her and sharing her ramen packets. On top of that, her swim coach wanted her to focus more on her breaststroke rather than freestyle, which was her preferred technique, and she already had three readings due for her classes that she was nowhere close to completing.

“I know this isn’t really helpful,” Wanda said tentatively, “But Bucky’s in your room.”

Her back straightened immediately and she shot off the couch. “What?” she nearly shouted. “Why?”

“He’s putting up shelves.”

“He wasn’t supposed to do that until next weekend!”

Rushing down the hall, she threw open her bedroom door and of course, there was Bucky, drill in hand, multiple shelves already hung up around the room. He paused when he saw her, eyes errantly raking down her figure before snapping right back up to her face.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded, face heating up with anger and embarrassment at the way he was looking at her.

“Uh,” he nodded to the half-drilled shelf above his head. “Shelves?”

How the hell could Bucky act as if nothing was amiss?

“You weren’t supposed to come until next weekend!”

“Well I had time today, and I wanted to take some measurements of the kitchen, too.”

“The kitchen?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna put up some shelves in there, too. You guys don’t even have an island—I was thinking of building one, and I needed to measure the area. This place has almost no storage space, but—”

“Shut up!” she cried. “You can’t just come over like this without telling me!”

Bucky frowned and put down the drill, approaching her with his hands raised. “Whoa, doll, calm down. I just wanted to help out.”

“We don’t need help!”

“I know, but listen.” He placed his hands gently on her shoulders, and she thought about shying away, but his palms were so warm, and he was looking right into her eyes with that earnest blue gaze, and then he started talking in that deep, husky voice, tone so soft that it melted her. “I feel real bad about everything that’s happened. And I just want to do something that’ll make your life easier. You see?”

He motioned around to the shelves he had already put up, and that’s when she got a good look at them. There were some hung up low above her bed that she could use as a bedside table. A long line of shelves and cabinets hung along the wall to the side, some with hooks, some with rods, so she could hang up her clothes. On the opposite wall there was a larger shelf down low positioned as a makeshift desk, her desk chair already tucked underneath, and above it, more cabinets and shelves.

“And I knew you were gonna need a place to study,” Bucky was saying, “So you can use this one as a desk. There should be plenty of space up here for your books,” he ran his hand along the cabinets above. “And I was considering building you something else, maybe something with drawers that you can use as a dresser, maybe something that slides under your bed—but I didn’t know how much space would be left.”

She looked around again, then walked to the little desk and ran her hand across it. The wood was smooth and glossy, a warm color that didn’t detract too much light from the room. They all matched, so she knew he really did make them all himself. She recalled that his grandfather was a carpenter. Bucky must have learned a few things before he passed away.  

“I also brought you something,” he said, startling her out of her thoughts.

“What?”

“A little housewarming gift.” From out of nowhere, he pulled out a small potted plant, a succulent in a soft green color with stubby little protrusions. “They’re called Baby Toes.”

She frowned at the small plant that did indeed look like the toes of an infant. It was all too much at once—the shelves, the plant, the kindness in his eyes.

“Please say something, doll.”

Realizing that he was still holding the plant out to her with a worried expression on his face, his vulnerability hitting her straight in the heart, she looked back up at him, eyes shining a little bit. She chewed on her lip, then gave him a small smile; she was a little ashamed at her anger at him before. Her voice was soft as she took the small plant, “Thank you, Bucky.”

“You like it?” he asked hopefully. “And the shelves?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“I’m glad.”

He hid his triumphant grin from her as he finished putting up the last of the shelves, and he didn’t say anything about how she placed the plant on the shelf underneath her window and opened the blinds for the sun to reach through.

Once he was done, they went into the main room where he took measurements for shelves for the kitchen and living room. He was all business, barely speaking to any of the girls as they chattered amongst themselves.

Once he was done, he said, “I’ll be back in a few days to put them up.” Y/N walked him out and stood in the hallway to say goodbye to him.

“Thanks again, Bucky,” she said, still slightly chagrinned at her previous treatment of him. “The shelves are really nice, and helpful, and the plant is really cute.”

“Of course, doll.” The sincere smile on his face was the honest one he would always give when he felt his heart swell with love for her, the same smile he gave her on the night of her birthday when he told her she was beautiful. “I’d do anything for you.”

Her face heated up again, this time from the way her heart fluttered in her chest. Bucky pulled her in for a hug, lingering for a moment before bidding her goodbye again.

 X

The next time she saw Bucky was a few days later, Friday afternoon.

She was back from class and she didn’t have swim practice, which was a relief because her muscles were aching terribly from the last week of training and drills meant to whip her back into shape. Her immediate plan was to take a hot bath and work on the 30-page required reading about Mesopotamia for her history course; then she would perhaps consider letting Wanda drag her to the house party that she had been talking about all week.

But then Bucky was in the kitchen, the shrill buzz of his drill working the shelves into the wall combined with the fact that he was shirtless disrupting every single rational thought she almost had.

Kamala and Wanda were perched on the couch, eyes raking over the muscles and tattoos covering his back and arms. America and Kate—who had literally not had eyes for anyone but each other since they had all moved in together—were the only ones who noticed the girl in the doorway, whose mind was also shorting out by the sight of Bucky half-naked.

“Hey,” America greeted her. “How was class?”

“Uh.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Um.”

“Good talk.”

Bucky was alerted to her presence then, and he turned around and sent that bright smile at her. “Hey, darling. How was class?”

“Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”

Kate made quite an unbecoming snort at this, but Bucky seemed to ignore it. “I think your AC’s broken,” he answered, his tanned wrist coming up to wipe sweat from his forehead. “Was gonna take a look at it once I finish with these shelves.”

“Oh.”

“Can’t you feel how hot it is in here?” America asked pointedly.

Well, she had chalked up the heat to the blush that was surely spread far and wide over her body at the sight of Bucky’s tattoos, ones she had once fantasized running her hands and lips over in the throes of passion—

“I have homework to do!”

With that, she hurried to her room, shutting herself away and sitting at her desk with the intent of doing her readings. However, she stared at the words in her textbook and didn’t take in a single word about the ancient language of the Sumerians or the legacy of the Akkadian Empire or the significance of the Epic of Gilgamesh for the better part of an hour.

Instead, she listened through the walls as Bucky and her roommates chatted, as he finished up putting a bunch of shelves in their apartment, and as he somehow magically got the AC unit working after fiddling with the filter or something for five minutes.

When a light knock came on her door and Bucky let himself into her room, he was thankfully wearing a shirt, and his hair was pulled into a little bun at the nape of his neck. “Hey, doll,” he greeted her. “Wanted to check in on you.”

Now that she didn’t have to see so much of his skin, she could think. “Hi.” Yet somehow that’s all she managed to say.

Bucky walked around, looking at the shirts and dresses she had hung up on the racks, the books and pictures she had placed on the shelves, and the succulent on her windowsill. Then he wandered back over to her and glanced over the desk, half of which held her beauty products, and the other half held her laptop and study materials.

“I have something for you.”

Her eyes grew wider and she frowned. “Bucky, you can’t keep bringing me stuff.” It harkened back to when her father would “apologize” for his cruelty with shiny gifts and meaningless gestures.

“I didn’t mean to,” he said honestly, “But I saw it in a shop and it reminded me of you.” Kneeling in front of her, he fished a little velvet bag out of his jeans, handing it to her and looking at her expectantly.

She sighed and pulled it open, then dumped the contents of the bag onto her open palm. It was a small bracelet made of intertwined white string, a line of tiny rose quartz beads woven in the middle.

���Bucky,” she tried to protest, pushing it towards him. “You shouldn’t have—”

“Sweetheart, just take the bracelet,” he laughed. “Barely cost me anything.”

Well, it wasn’t extravagant like her father would always go for. It was just a simple gesture… practically meaningless. Right?

“Help me put it on?”

He grinned and obliged, big fingers fumbling with tying the tiny strings around her thin wrist. “There,” he said once he finally tightened the knot. “Perfect.” He looked into her eyes as he said the word and his intense stare made her feel hot all over.

Looking back at her reading, she tapped her highlighter on the pages of her book. “So,” she said. “You fixed the AC?”

“Yep,” he answered. “And took measurements for an island in the kitchen. I’m gonna measure underneath your bed now, too. I’ll make you some little drawers you can pull out and put clothes in.”

“Oh—okay—” she said, watching as he stood and pulled a tape measure from his pocket. He was quick, writing the numbers down on a little notepad, sticking his pencil behind his ear. When he finished, he turned and saw her watching.

Holding her gaze, he stalked towards her, towering above her in her desk chair. Goosebumps raised over her arms at his predatory gaze, like he was stalking his prey—or playing with it.

“What’re you reading?” he asked, leaning down over her shoulder to get a good look at her papers. “Mesopotamia, huh?”

“Yeah,” she replied, her mouth dry. This close, she could smell him, tobacco and cologne, a little bit of sweat. It threw her back to the first night he took her, when he was so sweet, and to the night they punished her so horribly, her ass stinging as she rode his cock. He was so warm against her shoulder, and she felt like she was vibrating.

He pulled back to look at her face, still very close. “You’re so smart.”

“I—” Why did she always feel so warm inside when he complimented her?

Then he was gone, standing up and away from her. “Listen, I have to get going. I’ll be back in a few days once I’m done with the island and the drawers. Alright?”

“Okay.” She was still in a sort of daze from their proximity, from his compliments, his body heat.

“You need anything, just call me.”

“Okay.”

She walked him out and he pulled her into a big hug just outside the front door, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

“See you later.”

 When she came back into the house, she collapsed on the couch.

“Why do you look like that?” Kate asked. She and America were in the kitchen filling up the shelves with everything that had been sitting on the counters for the past week while Kamala and Wanda sat at the kitchen table doing homework.

“Like what?”

“Sad,” Wanda answered. “You look sad.”

She huffed. “I’m not sad. I’m just… I don’t know. Wanda, why do I miss him so much?”

“Who, Bucky?”

“Yes, Bucky!”

Kamala answered, “Because he’s a total sweetheart. Seriously—why did you even break up?”

Y/N looked at Wanda and they shared a glance. “It’s complicated.” She hadn’t even told Wanda the entire story—just that they were somehow involved in her father’s murder and that she couldn’t live with them anymore. She had barely told Wanda the extent of her relationship with Steve and Bucky—only that she had kissed both of them, and they both seemed to like her.

“Listen, it’s totally normal to miss an ex after a breakup,” Wanda said.

America added, “But not so normal for your ex to come in and do a bunch of nice things for you afterwards.”

“Well he clearly wants back into your pants,” Kate said. “Otherwise he wouldn’t be doing all this.”

It hurt to think that Bucky’s motivations were simply to get her back. “Can’t he be doing nice things just for the sake of being nice?”

“No,” the girls all said together.

“But we don’t really know the circumstances of your breakup,” Kamala pointed out. She was ever the optimist. “I believe that people can change, and I believe in second chances. Maybe this is that.”

“Ugh, don’t give her ideas,” America groaned. “Girl, you need to move on from him.”

“Hey, you agreed with me earlier when I said how swoon-worthy Bucky is.”

“Kamala, he’s a hot guy who comes over to our house and builds us shelves for our kitchen. How can I not swoon a little?”

“Ugh, guys,” Y/N groaned. “Not helping!”

Wanda stood and sat by her friend, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. “I have just the thing to cheer you up. A little rager in Greenwich Village is the perfect remedy to a broken heart!” She wiggled her fingers around in her face, as if it was a magic trick that could cure her gloom.

“I don’t know if that’s really the case, Wan,” America said, skepticism written on her face as she tutted.

“You’re right. Copious amounts of drugs and alcohol are the real cure. Time to break out the Tito’s!”

 X

The month of September carried on in much the same fashion. Between the rigor of her classes and her grueling swim practices, she somehow managed to get a part-time job as a waitress, barely getting fifteen hours a week. Bucky would stop by every week or so to repair something or put up furniture that he built himself, and he would always bring little gifts.

An embossed leather journal for her to take notes in; a vintage art piece he hung up on her wall; a new set of nice markers to draw with.

“I hope you’re still drawing,” he said one day. “You’re a great artist.”

He’d shower her with compliments, encourage her when she struggled with her many obligations, and never stopped offering to fix up things around the house.

Between class, homework, swim, work, and Bucky, she went out with Wanda and the girls regularly. She found out that she loved vodka, hated tequila (after a particularly monstrous hangover), and was intrigued by the party drugs she seemed to see everywhere, but too nervous to take them.

It was all a good distraction from her inner turmoil, her heart aching whenever she thought of Bucky.

He had always been her friend, she had always cherished the connection they had, and it seemed like it was all thrown away in a matter of a few days. It hurt to think about and all she wanted was for things to be like they used to be.

Kamala said she was mourning the loss of a relationship and it was normal to feel this way. That didn’t make it hurt any less.

Ultimately, she missed Bucky. She missed Bucky with so much of her heart, it hurt. She got so excited whenever he stopped by, her heart beating a race in her chest, although she wouldn’t show it. Secretly, she looked forward to each visit, and had occasionally asked him over for repairs every so often.

The shower head really had needed replacing, and the lock on her window really had been jammed. If she got to see Bucky while he fixed it, then maybe it didn’t bother her so much.

Sometimes she did wonder if she was playing into his trap—and then she would look at him, joking about something, eyes lit up whenever he looked at her, and she knew he wasn’t the type to try and manipulate her like that. Truthfully, she had always felt safe around Bucky, aside from those few specific instances all those weeks ago. But he had always kept her safe, secure.

She was being paranoid. That was all.  

And then there was Steve, who Bucky mentioned a few times in passing, but never brought up more than that. She thought about Steve sometimes, about the man he used to be, and the man he had turned into.

She missed him, too—only the soft parts, though. The man who held her in bed in the morning and ran his fingers across her skin. The man who bought her pretty trinkets just for her delight. But that man seemed to be lost to rage and violence.

Or maybe they were the same man the whole time and she never realized. How had she missed how dark and angry Steve had become, but more than that, how had she failed to do anything to help him, to prevent him from falling down a hole so dark and deep that he could never crawl out?

She thought of him when she sketched in her notebook, whenever she broke out her watercolor paints and used the techniques he showed her over the summer.

One day, Kate looked over her shoulder as she painted at the kitchen table and asked, “Aw, you’re painting your sugar daddy? Who’s that guy next to him?”

“Ugh, Bucky’s not my sugar daddy.”

Wanda peaked across the table at the drawing. “That’s her other boyfriend.”

“Steve is not my boyfriend!” The vehemence in her voice shocked the other girls.

“Woah, fine, okay. He’s her sugar daddy’s boyfriend.”

“Oh my God, he is not!”

Then a knock sounded on the door, startling them out of their teasing. Kamala stood from the couch to answer it, announcing, “It’s Bucky!” even though they could all see the front door from the kitchen.

Bucky entered the apartment with one of their kitchen chairs which he had taken to repair a few days ago when it broke. “I’ve got the chair,” he said, “Fixed the leg and sanded it down a little, too.”

“Oh, Bucky, our hero,” Wanda teased as he set the chair next to her at the table.

“We really should pay you for being our own personal handyman,” Kate added.

He grinned at them. “I would never charge you ladies—it’s my pleasure.” Then he turned to the third girl at the table, running his hand over her shoulder. “How’s it going, doll?”

“Fine,” she answered, a little shorter than usual on account of her friends’ insinuations just before his arrival.

“What’re you working on?” He leaned over her, pressing the weight of his hand into her shoulder, and a soft grin slowly grew over his face as the photo. “That looks real nice, sweetheart.”

“It’s nothing,” she said quickly, shoving the paper away from herself, embarrassed. “I really should be working on homework.”

He pulled away from her, a sly grin stretching his mouth. “Whatever you say. Hey, what’re you doing on Friday night?”

“Homework,” she answered automatically. “Uh—probably.”

He chuckled at her and asked, “Could you spare a couple hours away from homework and come to dinner with me?”

She was silent for a moment, then stuttered. “Uh—”

“She’d love to!” Wanda interjected. “Pick her up at 6! We’ll make sure she’s ready.” Wanda received a sharp glare from her friend, but she ignored it.

“Great, thanks, Wanda,” Bucky said, beaming at her before turning his smile back on the girl who stole his heart. “Dress nice, I’m taking you someplace fancy. Oh, before I forget—” He fished around in his pants pocket before pulling out a small rectangular box. “I want you to wear this. Okay?” She took it hesitantly and nodded. “Good, I’ll see you Friday, sweetheart.” He bent down to give her a kiss on the top of her head before heading out the door.

Once he was gone, Y/N turned to Wanda. “What the hell?” she exclaimed. “Why would you do that!”

Wanda scoffed. “Listen, you’ve been dancing around him all month.”

“For a reason!”

“Not a good one! He’s proven that he’s a nice person! He gives you gifts! He fixes our shitty apartment! He calls you sweetheart! And you’re crazy about him, we can all see it!”

“You know what he did, Wanda!”

“What did he even do?” America asked. “You never told us.”

Y/N sighed and looked pointedly at Wanda, who shrugged and answered, “You guys really don’t want to know. Anyways, you don’t have to fall in love with him! But I’ve been trying to hook you up for the last month and you refuse to go on any dates! You’ve been way too uptight, so you need to have some fun—and get laid.”

At the insinuation that she would have sex with Bucky, she choked on her own spit. “I’m not going to have sex with him!”

“But he’s your sugar daddy, he gives you gifts for sex!” Kate said.

“That’s prostitution, Kate,” America scoffed. “But what’s in the box?”

She had almost forgotten about the box laying on the table next to her paintbrush. She opened it carefully and tries to suppress a smile. It was a thin gold chain with a dainty ruby pendant at the end, simple and sweet.

“What were you saying about Bucky not being your sugar daddy?” America asked dryly.

Kate helped her clasp the necklace together. The pendant fell just below the dip of her collarbone. Wanda grinned, “You need to date this boy or I will.”

Kamala protested, “Hey, you already have a girlfriend. Leave some hotties for the rest of us!”

Y/N sighed and took the necklace off, shoving it back in the box. “Well, it’s too bad, because I’m too busy to date him anyways.”

“Speaking of which, don’t you have a shift in like, a half an hour?” Kamala asked, pointing to the clock on the stove.

“Yes, I do. Thanks for reminding me.”

America snorted. “Yeah, you need all the hours you can get. Utilities are due on the first of the month.”

“Ugh, I know, but they only scheduled me for one shift this week. I’ll figure it out.”

She went to get ready and Wanda followed her into her room. “You know, if you need more money, I can get you a shift at the Widow’s Web.”

Y/N frowned, grabbing her nametag from her desk. “I don’t know…”

“C’mon, upstairs is just waitressing, and now that Natasha’s Manhattan location is open, it’s a shorter train ride.”

“Maybe,” Y/N shrugged. “I’ll think about it. I gotta go, though. I’ll see you later.”

X

The rest of the week passed in a blur. A 6-page essay on the contributing factors to the Collapse of the Bronze Age; a chemistry exam that she got a C- on; an art project due for her drawing class. A visit to the athletic department’s physical therapist to look at her shoulder, which had been hurting since she started switching up her stroke style. One 4-hour shift at the diner. Not enough money in her bank account for bills, so she had to take out of her savings. Again.

“Well if you take a few shifts at the Widow’s Web, you’ll earn back that money in no time,” Wanda said with a bright smile as she shuffled through the dresses Y/N owned. It was Friday evening and Bucky would be around to pick her up in a half hour. Her hair and makeup were done, all courtesy of Wanda. The ruby necklace was already sitting in place on her neck.

“I know,” she sighed. “With the way I’m burning through my savings, I won’t have enough money to make it to senior year.”

“Ooh!” Wanda squealed, pulling a swathe of dark fabric from a hanger. “This is perfect!”

“It’s a little revealing…”

“Uh, yeah. Duh. Put it on!”

With a sigh, Y/N pulled the dress on over her undergarments. The shin-length dress was a deep navy blue with delicate white flowers spotting the fabric, thin straps and a deep V-neck revealing much of her chest. She looked in the mirror with a frown. “I don’t know… It shows my bra!”

“Take your bra off, then. C’mon, this is probably the least revealing thing you’ve worn all semester, especially considering some of the things I manage to get you in for parties!”

It was true; Wanda was partial to miniskirts and crop tops, and whenever Y/N allowed her to dress her up like a little doll, that was often the result. “Fine,” she grunted, pulling off her bra and then adjusting the straps of the dress. Her sigh of exasperation was cut short by a knock on the door.

“He’s here!” Wanda squealed, running out to get it.

“He’s early!”

“Put on your shoes!” Wanda yelled back at her.

She huffed but obliged, buckling up the strappy heels that paired with the dress. As she heard Wanda answer the door, she completed her outfit with a simple gold bracelet, stud earrings, and a spritz of a floral perfume.

Then she walked into the living room, and her greeting to Bucky died out in a gasp as she saw who stood in the living room instead of her date, her stomach twisting up and turning sour. “Steve, what?”

He smiled, pink lips surrounded by a full golden beard that hadn’t been there before. “You look beautiful, sweetheart.”

“What are you doing here?” she asked, crossing her arms across her chest, shy at the way his eyes dragged across her form.

“Bucky was called away for something by Tony,” he answered. “Buck didn’t want to have to cancel on you, so he sent me instead.”

She was frozen for a moment, voice stopped in her throat by something sticky and unpleasant, but then she blurted out what every molecule in her body was screaming. “No.”

He raised his eyebrows. “No?”

“No,” she repeated, voice stronger now. “I’m not going anywhere with you, Steve. Get out.”

“Honey—”

“No! I’m serious, Steve, get out, right now. I’m not going on a date with you.”

Hurt flashed across his face, lips forming a pout in an impressive display of manipulative emotion. She could feel all of her roommates’ eyes on her. He said her name, softly, almost a whisper, and it almost worked, almost made her heart jump back on board with him.

But her resolve held strong, even as her skin itched at the memory of his touch.

“Our neighbor is a cop, Steve,” she said, pointing in the general direction of the apartment next to them. “Get out. Now. I’m not playing your game anymore.”

Pressing his lips together, he let out a long sigh. “Fine,” he replied, not clipped or short like he had been in the past, but gentle and accepting. “Have a good night, darling.”

And then he left, just like that.

It was silent in the apartment, only the sound of Steve’s footsteps growing quieter at he went down the hall.

Then, finally, America broke the silence. “Damn,” she said. “He must’ve really fucked up to get that treatment from you.”

“I’m going to bed.”

And with that, she retreated back to her room, locking the door behind her, hiding underneath a blanket, and ignoring every time her roommates tried to check on her.

She tried to tell herself that her heart hurt because Bucky had bailed on their date. But she couldn’t help but regret not going with Steve, wondering where he would’ve taken her, what they would’ve talked about, and if it would’ve been anything like how things used to be, so long ago.

Half of her felt justified in her reaction to him, angry that he had the gall to show up and expect her to go out with him, just like that, no apology, nothing. The other half of her felt so bad, and guilty, and it kept replaying the look of hurt on his face at her rejection, his defeat as he left the apartment. And more than that, he had actually respected her wishes, and he left. That had to count for something, right? Maybe he wasn’t all bad.

These conflicting emotions warred inside her for the better part of the next week. It didn’t help that Bucky didn’t come by or text her that entire week, and that made her so confused, like she had done something wrong and now he was mad at her for it.

Was he mad? Was he mad that she rejected Steve? Should she have texted him during the week instead? (Not that she hadn’t drafted about 57 messages to him and then deleted them before sending a single word).

Why was all of this so fucking complicated?

So her turmoil continued throughout another four discussion assignments for each of her classes, one shift at work, and five grueling swim practices in a row, until that Friday, when she came home and cried so hard in the shower that her roommates looked at her with pity in their eyes when they came out.

“Listen,” Wanda said her name and took her shoulders, forcing her to make eye contact despite her puffy red eyes. “You need to come out with us and have fun. And get super drunk and fuck someone else. Forget about Bucky and Steve. They’re old news.”

America piped up then, an enthusiastic, “Hey I got an eight-ball of yey! That’ll make you feel better!”

And at that point, she was so fucking tired of feeling sad, and feeling guilty, and feeling angry, and feeling conflicted over the stupid boys in her life.

“You know what, you’re right. Let’s go out tonight!”

It took one shot of Tito’s to get her into the silk minidress Wanda picked out, another to get her out of the apartment and to the club they picked downtown (courtesy of a fake ID provided to her by Kate), and an entire margarita to get her into the bathroom of the bar with a line of coke in front of her, awaiting her nose.

“Okay, cut that in half, America, she can’t snort that whole thing!” Wanda said, regulating the line America laid out for her. They had already both had their turns.

“Are you sure this is safe?” Y/N asked, uncertainty in her tone.

America rolled her eyes. “Dude, it’s cocaine. Do you wanna be safe, or do you wanna forget about Buck-nasty and Steve Buscemi?”

“Oh my fucking God,” Wanda snorted, “But she’s right, just do the line. We’ll take care of you, don’t worry.”

“We do this all the time,” Kate reassured her.

“Uh, I don’t,” Kamala pointed out, ever the more conservative partier of the group.

Y/N looked at herself in the mirror, then rolled her eyes. “Whatever, fuck it.” It burned her nostrils going in and when she brought her head up, she thought her nose was bleeding, but there was no blood, and it was numb all the way into her sinuses and down her throat. “Holy shit!”

Every cell and atom in her body was charged and alert, like she had chugged six cups of coffee all at once or injected it into her veins. Her hands were shaking, but she barely registered that as euphoria and elation swept through her. Skin tingling, shivering, a smile swept over her face.

“How do you feel?” Wanda asked as Kate snorted the rest of the powder on the counter.

Y/N giggled and threw her arms up. “Oh my God!” She gasped, “Let’s go dance!”

Throughout the night, they hopped around to a few different clubs across the city, and they danced and drank and she took whatever drugs Wanda gave her, including more cocaine and a little purple pill that she slipped in her mouth and made her feel sososo good. Suddenly, she couldn’t even think about anything but the beat of the music shaking her bones and making tsunamis in her blood and the way her skin felt so soft and smooth, and how nice it felt when the people around her danced against her body.

The lights twirled in her eyes and on her skin and they almost tickled against her skin, so funny that she laughed and laughed until her stomach cramped and someone pushed another drink into her hand. Tequila burned her lips and she didn’t mind it as much as she normally did especially with the fresh burst of the lime that Wanda shoved between her lips when she almost gagged.

She lost track of time, and places, and people. All she knew was the bass in her skull and the bodies against her, dancing to the rhythm like a séance or a ritual or something almost spiritual.

Denim pants against her legs, and someone’s mesh crop top on her palms, and long silky hair gliding against her bare arms, and soft lips on her neck, and sticky lip gloss stains left on her skin. Hands, hands everywhere, pushing up her dress, touching her through the silk, and God, the feeling of her own silk dress on her skin felt so good, she just had to rub her own belly and sides and hips for the feeling—

And heat, so much heat, rising up her chest and suffocating her brain. She couldn’t get a breath of fresh air, she was breathing through a plastic bag, and she turned to the person she thought was Wanda and gasped, “I’m gonna go outside for a second!”

After she made her way through the bodies and out the doors, the fresh air felt so clean on her face, and she broke out in goosebumps as the sweat covering her body evaporated into the brisk October air.

Wait—wait, wait, wait a second. She knew the bridge in front of the club. And what did that familiar street sign say? Or was she hallucinating from the copious amounts of drugs she took?

Were they in Brooklyn? She didn’t even remember taking the subway!

The streetlights and cars swam in her vision, twisting and twirling like the fucking Tilt-A-Whirl at Coney Island, which definitely wasn’t as fun as Bucky insisted it was, and this felt exactly like that.

She turned and leaned her hands on her knees and panted like she had just swam a 100-meter race with her shitty breaststroke.

“You okay, girl?” The voice was deep, maybe the bouncer, she wasn’t sure, all she could see was the concrete and her toenails painted blue, poking out through her heels.

But she managed a reply, her words slurred around the numbness of her tongue, “Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m great, yeah.”

“Uh—”

And then, very casually, she face-planted into the brick wall beside her.

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Alright 5x19 let’s DO THIS.

(Warning: This will probably be long.)

WE BEGIN...by visiting Leviathan’s underground speakeasy.

The shot of Lex in the glow of the Kryptonite is great, 15/10 iconic Kryptonian Killer.

But SPEAKING of things that are green and bad...Gemma’s outfit is stage magician meets Mera from Aquaman and WAIT, WAIT, I’m just now remembering that the character in the comics was linked to Atlantis. Is that why they’ve gone with a green motif for her all season?

Probably not. Either way, still gives me knockoff Mera vibes. (*whispers quietly* I don’t like Mera’s outfit either.)

(I’m reading the Wikipedia entry for Gamemnae and did you know: she was exiled from Atlantis for being blonde?)

Anyways!

That’s just a very long-winded way of saying that the costume is kind of a weird choice.

Then we’re back in Kara’s loft and finally, FINALLY...someone tells Lena that there are BIGGER FISH, STOP REMINISCING.

And then the Superfriends arrive on the scene and they are ready to throw down.

Honestly same bro, same.

Also M’GANN IS ON THE TEAM I love it please, SG, please, hire Sharon Leal full-time. 

What is the current door-kicking tally--how many front entrances have the Danvers girls destroyed?

“Well the joke’s on Rama Khan and his big dumb gladiator outfit because I already defeated him once.” THIS. IS. WHAT. I. HAVE. BEEN. SAYING.

THE COSTUME IS SILLY AND NOT IN A FUN WAY.

Leviathan just has terrible fashion sense, is basically the theme of this season.

Oh my gosh M’gann being the one to suggest the multiple Karas and the WINK I love her, I love her so much.

PLEASE NOTE: That J’onn was like ‘the skirt is surprisingly comfortable’ but his response to the pants is, ‘they’re gonna chafe.’ 

J’onn J’onzz, Skirt Supporter. 

Then the Alex suit reveal and ooof, ooooof, probably the wonkiest of the scenes, unfortunately. (Can’t decide if I appreciate the effort of the CGI Alex or if it’s simply too uncanny valley.)

Also, put a pin in the Alex suit reveal. We’ll circle back to it.

(Oh wait and also: Kara’s scream and J’onn’s reaction all A+.)

Breaking chronological order here to just touch on the highlights and maybe discuss particular chunks in detail SO...let’s get right toooooooo....

Rooftop scene with Alex and M’Gann! Nice! But also I was like, ‘Alex just...has a bazooka? ...Yeah that tracks.’ And then I remembered that she has the martian weapon...honestly kinda prefer my accidental headcanon that she just owns one. 

Then back to Lena and Kara and we’ve come full circle because folks...they figuratively flew to Luthor-Corp...on a bus.

Oh if only that was the actual goal of this entire plot. I would applaud it.

SG writers, always: REAL threats come in groups of THREE.

I actually don’t mind it. They aren’t given a big introduction and amount of screen time, so it’s pretty unobtrusive. 

Then we get a Luthor-Corp lab scene AND a good look at Alex’s suit so LET’S CHAT.

Okay first and foremost: not opposed to vigilante Alex! Especially if it means she can work with Kara a bit more directly.

Love the color scheme! Love the hood! Love that the boots are no longer the stealth wedge heel but are just...heels. Good, yes, good! Also love that you can see it’s basically built on top of her DEO suit which totally makes sense, as...I guess Alex is building the suit mentally, not physically, technically, but she’d still be using stuff she’s familiar with to put it together in...her...mind?

I also think the top portion sits better than the DEO suit, which had that awkward...square-ish portion that covered the front of the torso.

But hmmmmmm the eye makeup is...a statement. 

Confused as to why they didn’t go with a domino mask...maybe it was an actor comfort thing but HMMMMM not my personal favorite, admittedly. (Also don’t love the lace up look on the front portion but that’s because it’s reminding me of some of the terrible costumes from Arrow.)

And then the hair clip, which. Okay. As someone who has been struggling to find a way to pull back short hair during this time of no haircuts...can’t be mad about it.

In fact, catch me over here, taking notes.

Alright, costume rambling OVER sorry for the tangent but, you know. New super suit, it’s always exciting. 

I like that Kara had to deal with not being able to be out fighting the threat! That’s a good bit of character stuff there.

“William went after Eve ALONE?!?!?” “No super hearing!” 

“Please, be careful.” “You know me.” “Yeah, exactly, that’s what I’m worried about.” And then a HUG and they’re just the best.

 Dunno if I’ve mentioned it yet but I love the effects they use for Gemma’s ‘true form.’ Very cool and creepy.

Does Andrea just...not question Gemma’s evil villain outfit...or...?

Much like Alex’s super suit we’re puttin’ a PIN in the Brainy plot we’ll get there but FIRST...

THE KARA AND LENA CONVERSATION.

Do I think it should’ve come earlier in the season? Yes! Do I care at this point? ...Okay, still yes! But that’s another pinned point I’ll get back to, right now let us just bask in the beauty that is specifically, verbally laying out all the CRAP Lena put Kara through, and Kara making sure Lena understands THAT is what hurt her, not ‘working with Lex.’

“You never understood.” BINGO. “I know I hurt you by waiting so long to tell you my truth but what about all the ways you hurt me?” EXACTLY. 

“I made one mistake, one mistake that was only ever meant to protect you and in return, all you did was hurt me in every way imaginable.”

Then Lena finally apologizes. For, you know, the stuff that was actually upsetting Kara. So. We got there. ...Eventually.

Then it’s off to save William and he’s talking down Eve! We love a noble journalist.

Kara cauterizing the bullet wound and William being like ‘DO IT no wait DON’T DO IT’ and Kara’s just like, ‘TOO LATE, IT’S DONE.’

RETURN OF THE POWER RANGERS SUIT NICE.

And theeeeen a lot of scenes that are fine but it’s mostly just legwork to get us to the bigger parts of the episode sooooo we’re jumping to...

Andrea! Pleasantly surprised with her part in the action of this episode. Had that nice moral conflict we saw in the front half of the season. It’s a little crammed in here, at the last minute, but. Still enjoyed seeing it.

A personal quibble on the visuals: I prefer the simple elegance of the season one hope speech, (Just a lone camera, in a rundown radio station XD) but I understand they had to convey ‘scale.’ Still think it’s a little much.

Oh man, totally forgot to mention, loved Nicole’s line read for, “Maybe you should’ve been meaner.” It was GREAT.

So there’s the fight against Rama Khan and his buddies, and Kara’s trying to talk people out of a MMORPG, AND Andrea shows up ready to kill somebody. 

The drama! The suspense!

THE SCORE.

I have another quibble with the cutting back and forth on the hope speech and it’s largely to do with perhaps inadvertent implications regarding who has to grow from pain and what pain in particular, but that might just be a ‘me’ thing, reading the scene a particular way, so I’m just gonna move on and say LOVE TO SEE A HOPE SPEECH.

Also:

Supergirl: “I believe in you.”

The VR peeps and us, the audience:

Alright time to talk about BRAINY.

Admittedly haven’t loved double agent Brainy, which felt more like a, ‘let’s add some drama’ move than anything else.

I do still stand by my assessment that Brainy being a few steps behind Lex made sense given his distress re: Nia and the Superfriends.

But also...was a little wild, IMO, that he didn’t have...some way to at least circumnavigate the radiation shield? Or at the very least limit it.

But again. DRAMA.

All that said...wow. Loved the two Brainys at the end, there. Genuinely touching.

“Will you stay with me?” “Till the very end.” 

BRAAAAAAAIIIINNNNNNNNY.

How do you make another Luthor reveal work when you ALREADY pulled the, ‘It was Lex all along!’ like, twice before?

You MAKE IT LILLIAN.

Like, dang it, I enjoyed it. How dare you, SG.

But THAT’S IT. NO MORE SECRET LUTHOR REVEALS. 

The terminator look and death shriek for Gemma was fittingly creepy very nice.

But also WOW, she never interacted with Kara. I am DISAPPOINTED. 

So anyways, that second Lena and Kara conversation! 

It was fine. It’s fine. This is fine. It’s...it’s fine.

(Except that it highlights a problem with the way this whole thing was set up and it’s not something unique to SG! It’s a problem I’ve noticed with a lot of redemption arcs--which seem to be all the rage, as of late--and that is a disproportionate amount of bad things done by the one character, and putting off the turn until like, the last possible minute to increase the drama factor and thaaaaat...is not a super satisfying conclusion because it’s a HUGE amount of build up for a relatively small pay off. Like, as Kara is listing the stuff that Lena’s done, it’s kind of a stark reminder that Lena physically and emotionally hurt Kara on purpose which. Is a glaring red flag. That’s the kind of thing that needs to be unpacked, maybe! Given some space!

Which isn’t to say that characters should never be forgiven, or that they need to be excessively punished. It just needs time. So saving the ‘redemption’ part for the very end where the characters NEED TO BE HEROES RIGHT NOW IN ORDER TO HELP OUT it’s...hmmmmmm. Too rushed.)

AND SO, SOME FINAL THOUGHTS ON THIS, THE SEASON FINALE, AND THE SEASON AS A WHOLE:

Wow but I did not like the focus on Lena. Not fun. No thanks.

Which is only made worse by the trashfire that is the SG fandom. 

Loved the moments of growth and agency for Kara, though. 

Loved the big crossover! It kinda made for a wonky set up of Earth-38 plot vs. Earth Prime plot but honestly anything the writers set up in the front portion of the season was going to be at the very least interrupted, if not completely derailed simply given the nature of what they intended to do with the merging of the earths.

Like give me SG’s approach to handling the front half of the season over Flash’s any day. 

Still too many characters! Still too much plot! Still weird pacing issues! XD

Forget it, Jake, it’s Supergirl.

Oh, honorable mention: The handling of Kelly! She was integrated so well into a nice intersection of plot points and characters that when she’s there to hack into the Obsidian stuff in the finale it’s like, ‘well naturally she’d be here.’ EXCELLENT WORK. 

William and Andrea win ‘most improved over their intensely unlikable introductions.’

To be clear: I liked this season finale! And the fact that it all came together as well as it did is a testament to the skill of all the folks involved, considering the awful extenuating circumstances.

Though, upon further introspection, I think I really do dislike the CGI Alex. Too far into the uncanny valley, sorry. 

IN CONCLUSION: Very, very sad that it’s gonna be a whole year, or possibly longer, before we get new SG content but, glad that the actors will have a little more time off than they usually might, and I’m all for holding off the production as long as possible, in order to keep folks safe.

WHAT are Lex and Lillian up to, like, specifically, and WHAT is Alex’s superhero name??? WILL the folks in charge of the new Superman show remember that it’s a Supergirl spinoff?!??! Find out NEXT YEAR only on SUPERGIRL! (And Superman & Lois!)

EDIT: I used the word ‘quibble’ twice which feels like one time too many, but also it IS a fun word to say. ‘Quibble.’ Ha. XD

[2ofswords]

001 pathologic

Even if it says “Pathologic” I’ll mostly be talking about Pathologic 2 and specify if it’s not the case. It’s just where most of my experience lies since I’m not done with Pathologic Classic HD yet. ^^

Also I’m putting this one under a cut because… man. That got long! Like way too long, I thought I could do this one very quick and now two hours have passed and I’m still writing it! Dear god, these are a lot of questions!

 Favorite character: ... It’s Dankovsky. We all know it. I mean I went into the game being like “I’m pretty sure the tragic asshole character is gonna be my favorite...” Credit where credit is due, I persevered until the day 11 conversation. But we all would have known that Marble Nest would have gotten me anyways so.. Yeah. I especially love his dynamic relationship with Artemy in Patho 2 and he is just a fun and complex character, that I really love to think about and who has made some terrible decisions while still staying sympathetic for me. Also the mix of science and dreams is just something that I find interesting and also can kind of relate too. Love that stuff! 

 Least Favorite character: In Patho 2 it’s Oyun. The way he talks about the Kin makes me really uncomfortable. The animalistic portrayal is for me one of the biggest flaws in the game and he is the worst offender. And yeah since he is one of the Kin, I’m probably not the one who should judge... But I don’t know... from what I’ve heard that seems to be considered a problem by the fanbase in general... Outside of that I also think he’s just structurally very badly included in the game? He appears very late and is hostile in a way that doesn’t really make you engage with him. And I was way to stressed and didn’t get enough opportunities to actually talk with him to really make a connection (though one reason was, that I didn’t give him my house in the first run. Didn’t want to, so I had the pleasure to walk to Shekhen every time to meet him.) Even without the very questionable undertones his constant ranting about strength and leadership didn’t really appeal to me in a game, where leadership just far has only proven to fail everyone in a time of crisis. The way he is revealed as the murderer is kind of weak, since you either figured it out long ago or the game just randomly tells you... He just is very unappealing to me. Vlad the Elder also fucking sucks. But at least he as well as the game are so open about it, that it’s easier to ignore while the game seemed to make me want to like Oyun, while I really couldn’t so this one makes me a little more salty.

 5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): 1. Artemy/Daniil: What a shocker! Narrative foils who have an actual rivals to friends ark in the game and a shitton of sexual tension within it! What’s not to love? 2. Lara/Rubin: I just think they deserve each other. Both of them are very hard working and prone to giving up themselves for the greater good but they are also harsh to others. I think they would apreciate each other but also reign the other person in and care about them. 3. Daniil/Rubin: I just want Rubin to be happy, okay? This one is more a Patho 1 thing, but they really appreciate each others work and I really like how they interact in the Bachelor route. They care about each other and they share a lot of struggles and actually a more similar view on the town and the world than Daniil does with Artemy. Also again we have two very hard working people here, who would have a lot of bonding over weird science projects. (Even if these one are worse at reigning each other in and fights would be pretty horrible to the point of needing a mediator because non of these two are talking to each other and maybe only stoop down to writing very passive aggressive letters...) 4. Notkin/Khan: Also more of a Patho2 thing, since they act way more brutal in P1 and also do not really reconcile. But in P2 they seem to care and immediately bury the hatchet when shit hits the fan. The whole house of the death quests shows them more as bickering friends. And I have a soft spot for bickering friends romances, okay? Also this one is obviously only two teenage boys having a crush, no shitheads allowed here! 5. Yulia/Eva: I cannot really chose between my favorite w/w pairing, there are so many good ones! Right now it’s Yulieva again. They are tragic, they are soft, they are so atmospheric and fun to write! Also I just love Eva and think she should get as many girlfriends as she wants.

 Character I find most attractive: Uhhh... I don’t know I find their models beautiful but there are not a lot of them I find specifically attractive. I guess it’s between Daniil, Artemy, Lara and Yulia for me. Daniil get’s the most ridiculous style points ever but... too old for me specifically. I think Artemy is really attractive but I think his outfit is also really unflattering ... Lara is so much my type and so is Yulia! (Though why didn’t you keep the short hair, queen, it would have made this choice so easy!) I think I’ll have to go with Lara, because I first saw her and just went “I love you” immediately? 

 Character I would marry:  If I assume that the other person would be as happy with our arrangement no matter who I chose: Victor. He is the perfect husband by definition and I want to learn more about time magic. Though this marriage would remain very much platonic and also very much sexless... he is way older than I am and that is disregarding that time is weird for the Kains. Also we have to consider Nina’s continuing existence... okay I don’t mind that one at all.

 Character I would be best friends with:  My first instinct is to say “man all of these people would despise me”, which is such a Pathologic mood. I think I would be best friends with Eva. I think we would get along well and we’d have much to talk about. Also, her house is cool and we could go stargazing!

 A random thought:  I love Dora! She is the worst and most iconic child caretaker of all time and I want to talk about her! The whole baby thing and the way it’s delivered to Artemy is already great but then she just silently takes the baby and gives the reward when you’re there the second time? The time she takes Grace away is genuinely such a good dialogue and a tough decision so that’s great but then, she manages to actually get Grace adopted by a dead person, if Peter is dead! And then she may think it’s Andrey WHO IS DEAD TOO! Seriously, who hired her! I know the entire town is falling apart but man! Dora sure as hell doesn’t help the case. But she tries her best! I think. I hope.

 An unpopular opinion: Oh I have a lot of unpopular opinions, but I think most of them should get their own post, where I can explain in details and a bit more serious what I’m actually talking about. But here’s a small one: Okay ummm… please my fellow burakhovsky shippers, please don’t get mad but… uuuumm…

…

I like the first Bachelor conversation in Patho2 better than the one in Patho1. … Okay, look. I love the “left hand right hand” line as much as everyone else. Wouldn’t have missed it and loved it in Pathologic Classic! And I also think it’s a shame that Daniil’s homosexuality got dialed down. Totally agree with that. But! I really love them starting out on the wrong foot. Their whole dynamic of having to establish their relationship makes their journey and the scenes where they actually reconcile again so much more powerful to me and I love how dynamic it is. And having the two of them completely clash underlines for me how much they have to try and develop to be more comfortable and confine in each other. It’s a great starting point! Also the scene is hilarious in it’s own right. The whole buildup to it where Artemy is in such a desperate position to find out his own kind-of-brother wants to murder him… starting this whole thing with “you owe me” and the whole “Vorakh” thing. It’s really great how in retrospect it’s just a really fucking bad start and a trainwreck of the Bachelor trying to sound competent but from Artemy’s perspective it’s just utterly horrible because the whole town wants to kill him, his father is dead and this stranger is talking some bullshit! Yeah, nobody would have any patience and so the situation escalates immediately! It’s great storytelling and absurd and… I really do love this scene and it’s dynamic and I think it's a great first interaction! (Even if it is sad if people think that they now get the Bachelor. Which… dynamic storyarc… complex character. But I think most people will get that eventually, if they just engage with the whole storyline.) It also makes it a bit more genuine when they actually do act friendly, because you can see, how they act, if they’re not trying. In P1 the Bachelor’s dialogue can feel manipulative rather than friendly and while that has it’s own positives, I just prefer the more dynamic approach of their relationship. To be honest, I think both conversations fit in their own games nicely. I just prefer the overall approach to their relationship arc and I also think it’s just less clumsily written and a bit more memorable apart from the very first line. And while I love it in Patho 1 I couldn’t really see it and it’s sudden intensity in the writing-style of the second game, so I also do not really miss it specifically in their interaction. It’s great were it is but it wouldn’t enhance the situation here.

 My canon OTP:  Victor and Nina. This man just loves his powerful evil and passionate wife and I respect that. I think the way they are described and how Victor would fit in makes this combination so interesting to me. He is quiet and capable and you can really imagine the whirlwind Nina still appreciating him and... it’s so cute, okay? They are in love!

 Non-canon OTP:  (Oh my god, there are so many pairings where my brain goes “what do you mean, they aren’t canon???)  I think Lara/Eva is a really cute pairing that sure as hell isn’t alluded to in the Canon at all. Lara deserves Eva’s positivity and her view on the potential of the soul could be really cute. And Eva deserve her practical care and consideration. Also they are both talking about how they do not know what to do with their live and since they both arrive at this rather depressing conclusion very differently, they might be able to help each other!  Also they could play matchmaking with the local doctors together and I find that hilarious.

 Most badass character: Aglaya. There isn’t really a competition. (Okay Clara is also really badass and one has to mention Aspity for just dying when she feels like she should make a point and for being alive whenever she has something really important to say... that’s also pretty badass and she also is in general.) Aglaya is so powerful and intimidating and armed with metaknowledge. She even knows about her plot armor (and how long that will last...) Do not cross this lady, you will definitely regret it! (Okay the true answer is obviously Teensy. But shhhh…)

 Pairing I am not a fan of:  I’m not really a fan of Aglaya/Artemy especially in Patho2. I just cannot get over her immediately opening the gallows and then breaking Grief down. Artemy in Patho2 doesn’t really feel like a person who would appreciate either and he gets like really upset about Grief without it getting really resolved. (And Aglaya is very unapologetic about it, which might be a part of the truth since we don’t know what happened but still doesn’t help the case.) Also they talk very businesslike and like Aglaya is just making plans which Artemy in mind which doesn’t feel like a good baseline even if she appreciates his insight. It’s still only one person making the decision in the end... But I also totally get the appeal and they are both stubborn, have an interesting way of seeing connections and their worldviews are very interesting together especially, if we think about P1, so I also get shipping them! I’m just not the biggest fan myself.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Uhhh... Hm... There is not really a character I find completely broken and I’ve complained about Oyun enough... So I have to go with Aglaya and only for the reason that I find the ending where they leave town pretty forced. (I’m sorry, I don’t hate her! All of the characters are so amazing, she only has some writing choices specifically that I didn’t like! But I still think she’s cool!) I actually kind of like that it exists and I think the way it plays out is very heart-wrenching and honestly amazingly made but the whole way to get to the decision feels a bit awkward to me just because both of their duties get weirdly lampshaded without making the meta entirely obvious. Either just shattering the fourth wall here or making the situation way more desperate for both of them would have done the trick, I guess.  I in general would have loves, if her meta would have been used a bit more explicitly. It felt a bit gimmicky to make her cool at times and while Artemy might not be the route for that... there ideology talk in Patho1 sure as hell managed that. Their dialogue is still good but I had very high hopes while I approached it. I do know that there is more behind the meta and I wish we could have seen a bit more of that then her offhandedly mentioning it. She never really engaged with her struggle and never allowed Artemy to really engage with it, what also made the whole town fleeing scene a bit jarring, especially if you didn’t play the first game. 

Favourite friendship: I mean the whole apple basket gang friendship, obviously! Is there really another friendship that competes in the game? I love their dynamic and I also love how torn apart the friendship is and how they are only beginning to reconcile even at the end of the game. Not all is good yet but they stay hopeful and I think that is a very strong message.

[robertogreco]

Varsity Blues and the Destructive Myth of Meritocracy

In the wake of the “Varsity Blues” college admissions scandal that made news on March 12, 2019, I wrote (mildly edited here with more character space and one grammatical correction):

It’s not just a matter of who “should“ get in or not and graduate from where or not. “Elite” educations aren’t really cultivating better critical thinkers — otherwise the graduates would’ve dismantled them by now rather than flashing degrees to lift themselves and justify their advantages.

We need to give up on the notion of “earn” and “deserve,” and make sure our collective resources and wealth are spread (redistributed) evenly, that everyone is taken care of, and that we don’t wreck the planet (reverse the wrecking).

Then I found many other great reminders about the lie of meritocracy and its assistance in building inequality and maintaining the system. I have collected them here.

★

Dana Goldstein:

When rich and famous people allegedly buy their children admission to elite colleges, you have to wonder what terrible fate they believe will befall their incredibly privileged offspring if they don't attend such schools.

What drives the anxiety? Fears of downward mobility? Name brand obsession? Has the education gospel anxiety traveled this far up the economic ladder? Paging @tressiemcphd!

Tressie McMillan Cottom responds:

Yes, I like Shamus Khan and Mitchell Stevens here. It is hard to completely process if it isn't your culture but there is no such thing as "enough" for elite status groups. Their anxiety feels as real to them as the objectively more real risk of failure feels to poor families

★

Jessica Valenti:

What I don't really get about this college scheme is that these kids were gonna be FINE and RICH no matter what. Who cares if they got into some college?

My only explanation - somewhat supported by the totally bananas court document - is that the parents wanted their kids (who were unaware of the fraud) to feel smart. That's some next level shit

Tressie McMillan Cottom responds:

Again, it's hard to explain but the social reproduction of privilege requires this kind of anxiety.

Nadirah Farah Foley adds:

yes — and this is where Khan's distinction between privilege and entitlement is so crucial. an elite degree legitimates advantage as earned rather than inherited, which is essential for status under the meritocratic logics & ideals that dominate US society.

★

Nana Kwame:

So you mean rich people cheat the system to get their kids in.. in an institution that artificially creates a perception of scarcity regarding a resource that is not scare in order to drive extraordinary costs up which in turn perpetuates mass inequality at all levels of society?

★

Antonio García Martínez:

What's funniest about the college bribery scandal is that the privileged, unbright scions of celebrity wealth felt they needed the imprimatur of prestige schools to justify their rank in life, to bolster the charade. A false meritocratic standard is worse than no standard at all.

It's worth recalling that the word 'meritocracy' was coined as a satirical slur in a dystopic novel by a sociologist. Bizarrely, it was ingested by the culture as a universal good that it would be offensive to even question. link to Wikipedia page for meritocracy

★

Nadirah Farah Foley:

I also hate to see us reinforce the idea that the metrics/standards by which we determine deservingness of access to a high-quality education are objectively good/right measures of "merit." and there's a LOT of that implicitly going on in statements about this scandal.

★

Clint Smith:

The very idea of our society, higher-ed or otherwise, being a "meritocracy" is something that was made up to justify & reify existing social hierarchies. It's not real. What's real is how wealth & race combine to give ppl things that they tell themselves they inherently deserve.

★

Nadirah Farah Foley:

there's so many angles to this admissions scandal, but I just keep coming back to the fact that stuff like this probably wouldn't happen if we didn't have a super stratified & unequal system in which attending an elite school comes with such outsized material & symbolic benefits.

that, and we might not have such a stratified system of education if we weren't so wedded to the idea that meritocracy is a good system for meting out just inequalities, and education is the way to administer that system.

it doesn't have to be like this, though.

★

Shamus Khan:

My worry is that it will recede into a discussion about "merit" where we basically say, "oh... we just need to get back to a 'true' meritocracy and then it's all good" rather than asking ourselves what kinds of communities we want to create and what our social responsibilies are.

Nadirah Farah Foley responds:

this. so much of the discourse today is reinforcing the idea that the process is basically about merit except when it's corrupted via bribery or nepotism. the question of what a "true meritocracy" would look like — and whether that's even desirable — is an essential one, imo.

the question of what a "true meritocracy" looks like requires digging into what merit means; the question of whether it's desirable calls for interrogating whether just inequality can exist, or whether inequality in & of itself is unjust/to be avoided. those are tough questions.

★

Anand Giridharadas:

They were the kind of liberals who want to change the world as long as that doesn't mean their world having to change. Much of what appears to be reform in our time is in fact the defense of stasis. These are in fact conservatives who fly stealth under the shield of liberalism.

★

Chanda Prescod-Weinstein:

The problem at these schools isn’t these singular bribes. The problem is the tax-free donations they get which literally cut the tax base for public universities. The problem is the large number of legacies they admit who think they got there through hard work.

★

Reclaim UC:

Has anyone done a study about how increased access to higher education has coincided with dramatically worsening economic inequality in the United States? I.e “access” doesn’t mean what it once meant during the postwar boom.

★

Hoodqueer:

your kid's "spot" doesn't exist. admission to elite american universities is a highly strategic, profit-driven affair. the university gets something out of every student it admits. if it's not money, it's reputation,"diversity," or free labor. your kid's "spot" doesn't exist.

★

Hari Ziyad

Plot twist: the “legitimate” criteria for acceptance into elite schools are all white supremacist bullshit too. SAT scores. Grades. Extra curriculars. None of them make a person smart or special. They all show you’re willing to play their game tho, which is all you need to do.

My hope was that “legacy” was an obvious enough example, but it’s important to mention because all of these things are connected. You can’t have “elite” schools without being rigged for the elite, in big and small ways.

And you can’t have POC complaining about how they were assumed to be accepted into elite schools because of affirmative action without reinforcing this bullshit either. If you did not get accepted due to aff action you did it by perfecting their rules.

★

David J. Leonard:

Derrick Bell made it all too clear in 2002: “We live in a system that espouses merit, equality, and a level playing field, but exalts those with wealth, power, and celebrity, however gained.”

★

Tyler Reinhard (posted previously):

Ivy diplomas are luxury goods, not qualifications. If they had any real value — some educational secret sauce —they would scale it. Instead they do the opposite by offering something “exclusive”, just like every other luxury brand.

Update: 13 March 2019 (same day as post): I have added many more below and will likely continue to do so.

★

Anand Giridharadas (See the full interview here.):

In this college scandal, we haven't heard much from the kids themselves.

But I found a glimpse of how they processed their inflated scores in the indictment.

And it offers a vital lesson: rigging things doesn't make the beneficiaries insecure, but rather unduly self-confident. [video embedded]

★

Talila Lewis:

So many thoughts on #CollegeAdmissionsScandal / #CollegeCheatingScandal.

The true injustice is that with all the cause célèbre, we're missing a prime opportunity to name & address that the US "education" system has since time immemorial been at least racist, classist & ableist.

★

Nadirah Farah Foley:

or, counterpoint: maybe college admissions is a meritocracy! but maybe meritocracy is bad —a system that legitimates inequality and rewards privilege while mischaracterizing it as "ability" and "talent"meritocracy killjoy added,

★

Tamara K. Nopper

So if everybody worked as hard as many who are sharing their stories, all without the extreme wealth and connections and lying we would still have a problem. Cuz people shouldn’t have to be working so damn hard and the stakes shouldn’t be so onerous to gain access to higher ed.

★

Nadirah Farah Foley:

I keep hearing people say bribery is different from donating a building because “bribery is a crime,” but I think it’s important we not lose sight of the fact that legality and morality don’t always overlap. something not being a “crime” doesn’t make it okay.

I’m not saying bribery isn’t a particularly extreme manifestation of leveraging wealth to gain access, but if the only reason you draw the line at bribery is because it happens to be designated a crime...I think it’s worth interrogating why.

★

Eric Levitz:

The real scandal isn’t all the unethical shit rich parents will do to keep their failsons and faildaughters from tumbling down the socioeconomic ladder — it’s that we use adolescents’ test scores to ration economic security in the first place. [link to “All College Admissions Are a Pay-to-Play Scandal”]

★

Nadirah Farah Foley:

I always find "X is not a meritocracy" takes interesting, because they seem to imply that something else is, or could be, a meritocracy. I really wonder about that, though.

★

Anand Giridharadas:

The college bribery scam is not a college bribery scam. It is a master class in how America — governed by a cheater, ruled by rule breakers, managed by a class that confuses its privilege for merit — functions. [with link to “The College Bribery Scam Reveals How Rich People Use 'Charity' to Cheat: Anand Giridharadas explains how alleged payoffs to test takers and athletic coaches are part of a larger ecosystem of elite hypocrisy.”]

★

Anand Giridharadas:

America is being revealed right now as it hasn't been in my lifetime.

Jamil Smith responds:

This, for me, is pretty much the only way that the Trump presidency has been useful—at least in terms of its influence on our politics and culture. The nation’s institutional faults, holes, and past errors are being laid bare in a particularly conspicuous way.

★

John Keogh responding to one of Nadirah Farah Foley’s remarks above:

I find it telling that most people who preach most ardently about the virtues of meritocracy take it as a given they’ll be the ones to win.

Take away that certainty and they find meritocracy a whole lot less attractive.

Nadirah Farah Foley responds:

something that’s surprised me is finding out that while the winners in a meritocratic system may believe in meritocracy more strongly, even those disadvantaged under such a system cling pretty tightly to meritocratic ideals.

@L1vY responds:

We all internalize it because it's the only way to imagine we might end up having some control over it. Socio-economic victim-blaming works like every other type of victim-blaming.

[rpmemesorwhatever]

Doctor Who: Ninth Doctor Quotes

“It won't be quiet, it won't be safe, and it won't be calm. But I'll tell you what it will be: the trip of a lifetime!”

“So I'm gonna go upstairs and blow it up.”

“You go home, go on! Go and have your lovely beans on toast.”

“Nice to meet you ___. Run for your life!”

“The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan couldn't get through that door.”

“I give you, in return, air from my lungs.”

“Yeah, I came first in jiggery pokery, what about you?”

"Everything has its time and everything dies.”

“I'm left traveling on my own, 'cos there's no one else.”

“I trusted you! I *pitied* you!”

“I'm so glad I met you.”

“I've never been slapped by someone's mother.”

“Oh, that's just what I need! Don't you dare make this place domestic!”

“You *think* you know your own name? How stupid are you?” 

“Excuse me, do you mind not farting while I'm saving the world?”

“I could save the world but lose you.”

“We are *not* the same! I'm not - No, wait. Maybe we are. You're right. Yeah, okay. You've got a point.”

“What for? What's the point?! Don't you see? It's all gone. Everything you were, everything you stood for.”

“I said I'd protect her. She was only here because of me, and you're sorry?”

“You can't just read the guidebook, you've got to throw yourself in! Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers!....Or is that just me?”

“Let me out of these manacles and I'll show you how much fun I am.”

“Your wish is my command. But be careful what you wish for.”

“And I wanna find a blonde in a Union Jack tee. And I mean a specific one, I didn't just wake up this morning with a craving.”

“Go to your room! Go to your room! I mean it. I'm very, very angry with you. I'm very, very cross! GO...TO...YOUR...ROOM!”

“I'm really glad that worked. Those would have been *terrible* last words." 

“What, you've never been bored? Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?”

“Don’t drop the banana!”

“Banana’s are good.”

“I'm making an effort not to be insulted.”

“Everyone lives. Just this once everyone *lives*!”

“Excuse me, who's in charge here?”

“She’s climbing out the window isn’t she?”

“You mind flirting outside?”

“There’s a *time* and a *place.*”

“And with that sentence, you just lost the right to even talk to me.”

“Okie doke, so where were we?”

"But I promised to look after you, and that's what I'm doing.”  

“Have a *fantastic* life.”   

“I was going to take you to so many places.”

“I just want to tell you you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And do you know what? So was I!”   

[thesassiestcolor]

Rwby’s got to stop whipping things out if it’s not gonna be used

Because some of the ‘teases’ we got in V5 become even more noticeable on my rewatch so this is from most to least pissed me off

Not that this means RWBYs terrible, just bothered me and I hope they don’t do this shit next time

Silver eyes flashing but not actually doing anything

Really all you gotta do is hit her in the back of the head??? Most OP thing in the show- just hit her that’ll stop it

Like why even have that at all if it’s not going to be used in any way jfjdjjdjdjd she could’ve just run towards Jaune and have the same outcome c h r I s t I didn’t like that

Raven vs Qrow being teased since the beginning and just not happening

Okay since the first trailer the whole line ‘my sister has the maiden and I know where she is’ to the banner with them face to face all boxing match style to then most of the 1st episode talking how they NEED to fight Raven for the maiden and then Raven threatening to kill him all built up to them fighting each other

And what we actually get is 15 seconds long and mostly just Qrow going ‘how could you betray me??’ As if he wasn’t literally going to attack her and of course shell betray you Raven will give anyone up for like 10 bucks

Yeah obviously NOW we know Qrow would just getting absolutely destroyed by a maiden lmao but it was also established Raven didn’t really want to kill him anyway and she wanted to hide her power

Qrow whipping out his scythe with Hazel and then it’s gone in the next shot of him

Really one of the most hyped up weapons we’ve seen once (1nce) and it’s on screen for like a second

Like it was different with Winter and Tyrion bc there was a clear reason he didn’t use it and they even show it all the way. This time it’s like ‘oh my god, we’re getting a real scythe fight- and it’s gone’

Adam beat down

This is more of a good idea but bad execution thing

Making Adam the one go run away alone and beaten is GREAT but after trying to murder Blake’s family and this being the first she’s seen of him since Beacon I’d think Blake would want to go a little further than just hitting him a few times??

Plus idk what was going on with the choreography but it just looked awkward and rushed out I mean you could’ve drawn out that fight a little bit

Raven’s “big secret” being something the audience already knew

Okay yeah Yang and Weiss needed to know about Maidens and Salem but if you have a mysterious character cryptically say ‘you don’t know the whole story’ and then reveal something we’ve knows for 2 volumes is a super letdown guys

Oscar

I really wanted to know more about Oscar but we really only got One scene with him that also doubled as Ruby’s one real character scene

And the rest of the time he’s mostly just a mouthpiece for Ozpin to spit out more explanations for things but of course not silver eyes

Yang vs Mercury

Not a super big deal but Mercury really was the one to start Yang down her path of Depression in the show so yeah I think everyone expected a little more than an awkward half fight that was more in the background than anything else

And the fact that Yang kinda sucked during it like she could obviously hold her own against multiple bandits but gets her ass kicked pretty hard by Mercury in the finale???

Emerald & Shay D Mann / ep 9 as a whole

Again not really a big deal but after such slow episodes showing a cliffhanger of even the smallest beat down and going in to a complete talking episode with the main villain and Raven just measuring dicks isn’t what we needed

Really that conversation could’ve been 5 minutes shorter and had the same outcome

I could go on even more about Weiss’s stabbing being completely unnecessary, the missed opportunity for a STRQ flashback, wasted time staying in the house instead exploring a whole new kingdom, or Sienna Khan but I don’t want to sound too bitter or like just a hater but I do actually really love this show. It is partly my fault for expecting so much (but to be fair with how many times they mentioned V5 will have 14 instead of 12 ep I thought they’d at least be used well), but I do really hope V6 fixes stuff like this

[believerindaydreams]

Is this part 7? Will I ever stop writing?

Into the fire. Etc.

"Arcade!"

He's honestly not sure he's ever seen Julie look so pleased, and it makes him glad and melancholic at once, to think he's saying goodbye to this stage of his life. "It's me, yes. Long story, but obviously I survived-"

She's not the hugging type and he isn't either, so they draw to an awkward halt staring at each other. Arcade tucks his hands in his pockets, feeling sheepish.

"And, uh, we need to talk. A lot happened out there. Some of which is relevant to the Followers."

"All the time you want," Julie says; and considering her hectic schedule, that's saying quite a lot.

They retreat into her spartan office, ancient timbers creaking around them, where they can have tea and not be overheard. He fills her in quickly and efficiently, leaving out the more incriminating details- but the main points, about their small nucleus fleeing the Mojave for whatever they'll find in DC. Farther west than the Followers have ever been.

"Not that I'm necessarily the correct person to start a new chapter, but I know how overstretched we are already here, and we have next to no idea what we'll confront there regardless. So call it reconnaissance. I'll take meticulous notes, obviously. And if there's any way of staying in touch...well, that's up to the Brotherhood really, but I'll do my best."

"Good plans all. You'll need a new coat," Julie says.

"I admit it would be nice, but you'll never find one in my size in time."

She shakes her head, opens a locked cabinet.

"I ordered this from the Boneyard the day they took you. Not because I knew- but because I hoped."

It's perfect. Crisp and pristine, the right size, reassuringly deep pockets as ever. He slips it over his fatigues with a sense of warm relief.

"Julie, you're a blessing."

"And you're better than you give yourself credit for. Wear it in good health. You'll do us proud."

For a moment, he finds himself regretting the chain of events that has him tearing off into the blue, instead of amicably carrying on here with his indifferent research and emergency medicine.

Then he remembers that if it wasn't for that, it would have been Julie dragged to the Legion camp, Julie at the Sierra Madre, the hive of the Old Mormon Fort undoubtedly thrown into chaos without its meticulous queen; and all the self-doubt in the world can't make him second guess this particular accomplishment. Whatever happens to him next, he's already made a difference here.

He lets her get back to her multifarious crises, doesn't hurry his walk back home. Familiar faces offering congratulations or surprise, new refugees looking around with tired disbelief. The familiar herbal scent of his own tent-

"Emily?"

"Uh, hello? I'm not really a medical doctor, sorry-"

He can't help the edge of sarcasm trickling into his voice. "Arcade Gannon. You know, the stimpak researcher? Prior occupant of this tent?"

"Oh, sweet rads- sorry! Really sorry. I am so completely face blind," Emily confesses, nervously adjusting her glasses. "Julie moved me in here when you, uh..."

"Was kidnapped by the Legion, yes. I got over it, clearly, but where did you put my belongings?"

"Oh," Emily says, obviously relieved. "The footlocker behind the cot there.

More or less what he expected. The sourdough is indeed gone, but his plasma defender and caps are untouched, and no moisture has contaminated the seed packets he stored to restart work elsewhere if need be. He spares a moment of gratitude towards Judah for drilling that particular precaution into him.

Not much else to weigh him down. That's Enclave training too.

"If they ever bother you too much," Arcade says, and pauses. "Just close the flap and tie it shut from the inside. If they want you enough to get in regardless, it's probably important."

Emily cracks her ready smile, but only for a moment. "You're not coming back, I take it? Leaving me in possession of the good chair and your herb garden?"

"I seem to have got entangled in a four way poly relationship with a Great Khan, a First Recon, and a Vault Dweller, and I just can't stay on here now my personal life's become so complicated."

She howls until he actually starts to worry for her, clutching the table as she gasps for air. "You're hilarious. Keep well, Arcade, I'm going to miss your jokes."

It seems to be an ongoing constant in his life that perfectly straightforward statements of fact never get taken seriously.

Considering his background, maybe that's for the better.

*****

"You want to see the Strip one more time, Carla?"

"I would," she admits, giving Cow a final pat as she's led off- the Followers will pasture Brahmin for a small fee plus milking rights. "Westside shuffle, anyone?"

She means the hike down to McCarran. Takes a while, but the monorail isn't like anything you've ever seen. There's soldiers who spend a whole leave just riding back and forth on it, and count it time well spent.

"Yeah, sounds good. We can drop by First Recon, catch up while we're at it." Wouldn't feel right leaving without one more check-in.

"Hate to break it to you, but these aren't the good old days," Manny says. "There's a new gang out there called the Fiends, and they're giving both the militia and the NCR a run for their money. There's not even a safe way to get in these days."

"Shame," Carla says unhappily. "I suppose we could skip it."

"On the other hand," Manny says. "I know a guy."

He's staring me down as he says it, not Carla, and I know why. There's always been a line drawn between us, between him and his past, and that didn't matter when we were serving. Wouldn't matter if we were staying in Novac.

But we're turned loose now, and it's not just about the fake passport or whatever he'll suggest- it's how far I agree he can go. Snipers don't play clean, that's not how we operate. But Manny knows more dirty tricks than I do.

If I even thought I might go back, I'd stop him; but it's already too late. "Whatever doesn't get Carla shot at sounds best."

"I hooked up a guy called Dixon with our suppliers," Manny says. "Anyone in town can get us in, he's our man."

"Okay then."

Carla's eyes widen; but this time, she keeps her thoughts to herself.

*****

He's really gonna let me do this, huh.

You have to understand, Boone and I go way back, turning up at the Mojave Outpost for the same recruitment drive. Two Brahmin steaks and a hundred caps as a sign-up bonus. Some of my friends joined for that and ran off the same day, and some of them were shot at Bitter Springs.

Me, I knew I couldn't do that, not until someone figured out what I'd done to my head. And I could see the kid sitting across from me, empty-handed and crammed into jeans a size too small, couldn't afford to wash out either.

Did wonders for his ass, though. Not that I got around to mentioning that for a while.

Point is, though, he never had a chance to blow off a little steam, learn who buys and sells, drink Nuka laced with Jet or try out a whore. First it was the service, then it was Carla, and when she vanished he was too much of a mess for anything but the guard routine.

So this, here? Cutting me loose to stack the deck? Not the old Boone. Looks like I finally got through to that kid.

Doesn't feel as good as I figured it would.

Damn it.

Carla's little squeal when we walk on the Strip, though, that makes it worth it.

*****

You're home.

Well, you are and you aren't. Music's right, the neon glimmer is brighter than ever; but you can't stay. None of you have the kind of caps it costs to live here, it's just as simple as that.

You can dream, though.

One night, to catch up with Sarah and surprise your vendor contract with the last batch of commissions you'll ever do for him, half payment on delivery as agreed. One night to eat Brahmin Wellington at the Ultra-Luxe, with Manny ordering pre-war wine and Boone glaring at anyone who second-guesses his sunglasses. One night, to take in the terrible show at the Tops and wander out again, buy snack cakes from the vendor and imagine a world where it was always like this, everywhere.

One night to have a honeymoon suite at the Ultra-Luxe and fall asleep in a tangle of limbs and contentment, stretched across a ridiculous, sloshing water bed.

One night for everything, because who knows if you'll see it again?

[mineofilms]

RAW Used To Be War, Part II…

RAW Used To Be War, Part II… If you want to read Part One from 4/4/2017, Here is a link to that blog...

https://mineofilms.tumblr.com/post/159196425113/raw-used-to-be-war

 I still hate the verbiage "Sports Entertainment." It is and always will be Professional Wrestling... I am still overly critical of the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) for the way it presents its product to us. I still feel its way tooooooooooooooooooo much RealityTV and not enough Professional Wrestling...

I have timed RAW a few times to see how much actual product we get for 3 hours and 5 minute with commercial interruptions. In most cases, it is a hair under 2 hours of a show skipping TV Spots. In that 2 hours, we might actually get an hour of actual professional wrestling in the ring. The show has way too much talking about nothing in and how many times they will rehash what happened movements before or a week before, its constant. It's like they just phone the show in weekly...

The in-ring work is still very good. I am never going to have a problem with these athletes going after it for the best fan reaction period. I know enough about the business to know that in WWE most of these guys and gals have little control outside of the actual in-ring-action. That is still pushing it.

FYI, the ladies of the WWE are killing it. I am actually never bored with the lady matches. If this was 2010 I'd go do laundry the old fashion way and come back. I am glad WWE was able to identify that having models that cannot wrestle or look like they can wrestle was gonna cut it. I do not want to be all name-calling on my blog, but there were Diva's that absolutely had no business being in professional wrestling outside of being a full-time valet/manager. Glad that is sorted...

I still feel that Smackdown (The B Show) is still just that.  I do not know if it is the PG feel I get from WWE or what, but Smackdown hasn't been worth watching in years....

The fans every week on RAW & Smackdown speak directly to WWE and WWE does not listen. Every week they chant what they love about the show and what they hate about it and rather than Vince/Shane/Stephanie recognizing this and trying to do more creative things they just keep forcing storylines and characters most of us cannot stand.

We love our Superstars, but the fans really hate how they are portrayed and how the stories go. Since WWF changed their name to WWE, went PG, did the Split brand is where, for me, personally, it has been very hard to watch. What TripleH has done with NXT is great, but what is starting to happen is the NXT talent is better at Professional Wrestling than the current WWE talent. Not just in the ring, but story-wise as well.

Even Randy Orton is boring as hell. We get it, dude. You hear Voices lol... Storylines like that are so predictable. I have sat there many of hours and called out what was gonna happen next. WWE Creative lacks that most important thing, Creativity... I get it... Vince will Veto anything he doesn't like even if said idea could be great for the shows.

History in sports tends to repeat themselves. Al Davis and Ralph Wilson both owned their NFL teams into their 80's, Ralph was 90... They made all the decisions till their deaths. How did that all workout for the Raiders and Buffalo Bills? It's only now that both franchises are getting out of the gutter and started to become forces in football again.

How much of Vince's madness do we have to tolerate before his choices hurt the product? Well, its already too late, it hurts. Now though, we have a choice...

It's called AEW... AEW... AEW... ALL ELITE WRESTLING... This is the product we have wanted for a decade now. It took them almost NO time to make the names on their roster household names. On an episode on the WWE Network, Ruthless Aggression Episode 1, they talk about the WCW invades WWE angle and used all the B Team Talent because all the A-Lister's were under contract and couldn't wrestle till the contracts ended. So WWE pressed forward with this angle and it killed nearly all these guys' careers.

WWE claims we didn't know these guys nor cared. Parts of that are true. I am bringing it up because in AEW... No one cares. The fans love these guys. Most of them did work in Mexico, Japan and the US Indi Circuits. By the 2nd PPV for AEW all these guys, face and heel alike, got-the-fuck-over with the fans.

So if WWE has this attitude towards AEW they may very well lose this new war in the dominance of professional wrestling.  AEW brought back the ATTITUDE in professional wrestling. Its a throwback to the old days of NWA/WCW before it was in decline. No Hogan/Nash to make bad business decisions. Even though I am a huge fan of both guys as wrestlers. As bookers and runners of a wrestling business, not so much. They had a huge hand in how WCW started to decline. TNA was doing well until they put those 2 guys in charge. This really isn't my opinion about this. I am just rehashing what is widely accepted by fans as to why's and how's of this happening.

AEW has money... Owned by Jacksonville Jaguars owner Shahid Khan, he is a billionaire. His son and Cody Rhodes are very good friends and that is how AEW was born. Cody has a lot of inside information on how to run a wrestling business, has his own ideas, leans on the fans for support and has connections to talent. Cody runs most of AEW operations, but when you watch the show you see how many people he has close to him from years past...

WRESTLEMANIA approaches and WWE Raw and Smackdown has been the worst I have seen it. I am not even watching. I get the 5-minute version on YouTube now. I only watch the 4 major events of Summerslam, Survivor Series, Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania. I have to be honest here. This year's events have been really bad. Just god awful. It if wasn't for my friends coming over and us drinking the whole entire time I probably wouldn't have watched at all.

We are approaching WRESTLEMANIA 36... These are the weeks its supposed to be GREAT... Its Terrible... WTF...

Same problems. Poor Character Development. Poor Booking... Poor Storytelling... Poor and/or Unsatisfied Finishes. WWE network at $9.99 is the only reason I still watch it or have any interest at all.  Another thing that has been bothering me is the deal with Saudi Arabia. I like that we get to see matches we normally wouldn't see and such but these events are a huge problem... The wrestlers in most cases do not want to go. John Cena refuses to go because of how Anti-America Saudi Arabia is. The US Gov't has told WWE not to go but they do it anyway. There has been drama and issues with pretty much each show.

Again... WWE doesn't listen, not even close... Do you notice they will say the name of the show but won't say it is in Saudi Arabia... MMMMMmmmm...

As we approach Wrestlemania 36 we now have to prepare ourselves for an almost 8-hour show. This is crazy. 8 hours... I get it... Its the biggest show of the year. WWE makes a considerable amount of their yearly profits from this one show. The ticket prices are so insane one has to pay for them as a payment plan in most cases. Really, do we really need all that? I remember when a mere 4-hour show was considered obscene. Wrestlemania IV was over 4 hours, the 1st one that was and I remember as a kid being, whoaaaaaaaaaa, really...

RAW used to be the highlight of Wrestling and now it is just a footnote. WWE creative has shown it can make a great show but it only happens a few nights a year. Why The Fuck Can’t EVERY RAW be good every Monday???

Anyways… One more thing I wanna touch on… The Fans… I hate the term WWE Universe to describe ALL PRO WRESTLING Fans. That is complete horse shit. To US it will always be Professional Wrestling. Not Sports Entertainment. To US it will always be the WWF, not the WWE. To US we are Wrestling Fans, not the WWE Universe. FK right off with that Shit...

Hey, don't even have to gripe anymore about WWE when there is AEW that is catching up and perhaps passing up WWE as we speak...

The fans have been dictating what they want from WWE and WWE keeps under-delivering to a point its sick.

If fans are chanting "this sucks." WWE should listen. The Wrestling Fans do not care about the WWE’s Creative Political Process of who gets “over,” who’s a “face” or “heel” or “The Champ or what angle they want to press.” The Fans do... All WWE has to do is LISTEN... 

RAW Used To Be War, Part II… By David-Angelo Mineo 2/25/2020

[jade-mod]

22 and 37!

For who?  Guess I’ll do everyone then??

22.  How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

Jade would try to ignore the jealousy at first, but when that fails if it continues to build up (as in, not prompted by an isolated incident) she’s gonna confront somebody.  

Ward either gets extra protective (if that’s possible…), or withdraws completely if he thinks his jealous behavior is hurting people.

Tomo gets a little withdrawn and worried when he feels jealous- it usually passes pretty quickly but it can happen often if he isn’t getting enough attention from his friends or family and doesn’t have something to keep himself occupied.

Mr. Khan isn’t really prone to jealousy, or at least not at his age.  He’s very secure in himself and his relationships.  He’d try to counter his jealousy with more positive feelings- spend more time with people he cares about, or even whoever was making him feel jealous in order to get to know them better and dispel his fears.

Grisaldara… gets a bit paranoid.  She’ll try to act like everything’s normal but meanwhile is going to try to find out if she has any real reason to worry.

37.  Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

When possible, Jade tries to connect whatever she’s trying to memorize with some historical fact she knows.  (For example, I remember the sun rises in the East by recalling that Japan is the ‘land of the rising sun” and that it is east relative to the Asian mainland).  Else she uses the common sort  of mnemotics everyone learns in school.  

Ward is very good at memorization and uses no particular tricks, though only really has devoted his memory to magic, particularly his beloved enchantments. 

Tomo will try to connect what he’s memorizing to one of his Abuela’s stories, or even make up one of his own!  He’d be very good at memorizing passwords consisting of strings of random words (A la “battery horse staple correct” from that one xkcd comic)

Mr. Khan memorizes things by imposing his own order on them.  He’s managed to memorize many Equestrian words, but only by using his own, ‘improved’ abbreviation of the language’s structure.  If he tried to memorize the periodic table, he’d manage to memorize all the elements, but in the process make his own chart for sorting them that might not be terribly helpful for anything else.  

Grisaldara doesn’t use any particular system for memorization, though she usually has a good idea when something is fully committed to memory or not, and whether its something she needs to have memorized or not. 

[thewadapan]

Are You Happy: one year later

Today marks the first anniversary of Are You Happy, a dumb web series I made in a terrible bit of animation software. In celebration, I’m... un-unlisting the series and writing a post to pat myself on the back. Huh.

Normally I wouldn’t bother with this kind of thing, but I think my own general appraisal of this series has shifted somewhat since I put it out into the world. I’ve yet to receive any feedback of any kind from the internet at large, but a few friends of mine have ended up watching it at various points - the last of whom suggested that I should “totally” make the videos public. Well, fine, now I totally have.

I’ve rewatched the series a handful of times since its release and have come to the conclusion that it’s a pretty mixed bag. I’ve come to like many of the individual episodes a lot more, but as a whole the series doesn’t come together for me. In this post, I’m gonna build on what I wrote in the original commentary by briefly shooting through the episodes one by one.

As the first episode of the series, “I Hate You” is pretty much just me getting to grips with the program. I like the way Chris storms out, gets as far as the elevator before he starts feeling bad, and comes back - only to find that, naturally, Samir also left. Back towards the tail end of secondary school, my friends and I got in the habit of just hanging around in classrooms outside of classes - the teachers weren’t technically supposed to let us do that, I think, but they did. I figure that’s what Chris and Samir are doing here - just standing about in a quiet spot. Chris does something annoying, Samir slaps him... business as usual for these two.

Anyway, I showed that first episode to one of my friends, and he helped me out with “The Meaning of Life” by offering a Genghis Khan quote and sitting around as I made it. Plotagon has relatively few options for direct interaction between characters, and I immediately pegged the “slap” action as the funniest of these. It’s even funnier when combined with a sharp cut and a scare chord.

Back in school, we had these two acronyms: WALT and WILF. These stood for “What Are (We) Learning Today” and “What I’m Looking For” and were used by our teachers to lay out the objectives for each class. I guess it seemed funny to me to go completely in the opposite direction for “What are we Learning Today?” - it’s the student who has to try and poke the teacher into giving the class any kind of information whatsoever - but the execution’s poor. This episode is funnier if you imagine the five preceding minutes of silence, during which Mr. Hernandez is having a completely undetectable internal meltdown.

I knew that the stuff I was making would be quote-unquote “in continuity” - but I wasn’t particularly expecting it to “have continuity”. That changed with “Why Nobody Likes You”, which establishes that Lizzie and Chris are friends of a sort. I like to imagine that Lizzie is one of just two people Chris ever talks to (the other being Samir), and that the only reason they interact at all is because they happen to be the only people catching their particular bus. They really have nothing in common, and struggle to hold an actual conversation - although I figure that’s mostly Chris’s fault.

A fair bit of time has probably passed in-universe between the first and second times Mr. Hernandez and Santa meet on-screen. In “A Bad Teacher”, Santa seems a little more chill - rather than sitting at a distance on the bench, he’s standing. Perhaps Mr. Hernandez just treated him to a coffee, or something, and they’ve just exited the shop. Whatever. I’ve suffered my fair share of bad teachers, and one of the things they all have in common is that they’re completely oblivious to the fact that they’re bad. It’s like... bad students exist, but if (as a teacher) you honestly think your entire class consists of bad students, that’s the point where you should realise that you’re the problem. I think that tendency to place the blame on the students is the kind of thing that leads to whole-class detentions, which are a hallmark of bad teachers.

I’d originally pegged “White-Hat Hacking” as my least-favourite episode - for reasons outside of my control, it’s the first to break the one-minute mark - but upon subsequent rewatches I’ve come to feel more positively about it. Jessica’s line about V for Vendetta and zip bombs always takes me off guard, and I like the way Detective Raymond describes himself as “the smartest and most controversial detective”. It’s also funny to me going back to the source file and seeing a ton of lines marked “JESSICA (flirty)” and a single line marked “JESSICA (surprised)”.

My opinion on “The Faculty Bathroom” hasn’t really changed. As far as self-contained concepts in this series go, “insecure teacher talks to himself while on a smoke break, then dies in a fire” is easily the strongest.

Of all the episodes, I think “Nobody to Talk To” is probably the most forgettable. It opens with Chris, who’s lamenting the destruction of the school (mostly because it means he's even more bored than usual). There’s a medal hanging above his bedside table - I like to think that he bought it himself, only to find that he couldn’t think of something to get inscribed on it. Maybe it just says “CHRIS”. Anyway, the rest of the episode is a soliloquy from Lizzie - I’m not sure how exactly the idea of her being a well-connected anarchist came about, and the way that aspect of her character is introduced here feels a little jarring in retrospect. Still, I guess this episode does slightly redeem itself with a surprise appearance from Detective Raymond.

I’m gonna have to take a few paragraphs to talk about “Ever Get Tired of Movies?” - there’s a lot that I failed to cover in the original commentary. In terms of sound design, it’s probably one of the most ambitious episodes - all the sound effects come from the TV, so there’s nothing in the way of ambient music - but I’m not convinced that having the movie drown out the dialogue at the beginning was a good choice. I still love that Katia and Philippe’s colour schemes each match those of their sides of the room; I didn’t design the characters that way!

In the last commentary, I mistakenly said that I’d forgotten to use Ms. Green - when in fact, I’d used her as the reporter in this episode. I repurposed Plotagon’s “convention booth” scene as the newsroom, which works surprisingly well - combined with Ms. Green’s dialogue, which was intended to sound entirely unlike that of an actual reporter, the overall effect is one of a really incompetent production team on the show. This is entirely accurate: the production team consists of me.

Katia and Philippe have an odd role in the narrative - they’re basically an atomic unit from a completely different story. Of the teens in the series, Philippe is the only one who’s happy with where his life is; Katia is suffering from existential boredom. I think, in showing a failure in communication between these two, the episode fails to properly communicate what’s going on to the audience: Philippe is usually content just to do the same stuff over and over - watching movies, as it may be - but that doesn’t mean that he dislikes new things, only that he’s not the sort to actively seek them out. So the conflict is that Katia is doing the same stuff because she wants Philippe to be happy, while Philippe is fully expecting Katia to be pushing for new things - which she finally does here, when she suggests breaking Lizzie out of jail. Another aspect of this dynamic which I think is unclear is the fact that Philippe’s happy to do pretty much anything - including literal crime - but draws the line at taking off his sunglasses. Katia’s presumably been trying to get him to do so for months; her narrativist instincts are telling her that he must be hiding something. I figure he’s not - he just really likes his sunglasses.

Anyway, enough of that. “The Easy Way” is another fairly-forgettable plot-centric episode - but I like the way it handles the third and final appearance of Santa, who at first glance seems to have no reason to be at the office. The reveal that the whole thing’s been a distraction for the breakout is probably the closest the series comes to ever having a plot twist - I think it sits very well in the series as a whole, which (for technical reasons) never shows the big, important moments on-screen. I’m pretty proud of Santa’s monologue, which I wrote myself as a bookend to his opening quote, and the little glimpses of his history given within. I also like the moment towards the middle of the episode, where Detective Raymond - having been left to his own devices - wonders aloud “how can one man be so based”, right after threatening a teenager with torture and right before getting duped by a homeless man in a Santa suit.

Getting four characters into a single scene was a real challenge, let me tell ya, but I think “The Agenda (Part 1)” pulls it off decently enough. It offers some decent closure for the minor characters: Katia and Philippe get their adventure; Jessica’s mad hacks keep the cops off their backs. I think Lizzie’s “true power of love” realisation is a sincere one, but she won’t get her closure until a little later. Her expression upon seeing Chris again strikes me as similarly sincere. By this point, I’m banking on the audience having forgotten about Samir - so Lizzie’s actual goal here should come as something of a surprise.

In “The Agenda (Part 2)”, the penultimate episode, the series comes full circle. There isn’t really much to say about this one; the way Chris and Samir make up is pretty much the same as the way they fell out in the first place. Lizzie is just a facilitator here - she’s still planning to leave, but this time has decided that she doesn’t want to leave Chris entirely on his own.

Finally, in “The Agenda (Part III)”, we end up back at the bus stop, where Lizzie talks to Literally The Devil - who turns out to be a much better conversational partner than Chris ever was. This episode tries to strike a balance between jokes and introspection, but I don’t really think that it properly achieves either. Still, Lizzie’s shift to optimistic nihilism here feels like a good conclusion to her arc within the series.

It’s obvious that I was writing Are You Happy by the seat of my pants. While this lead to a pretty unpredictable plot, it lead to fairly poor economy of narrative. Although many of the characters get rudimentary arcs of their own, there isn’t a clear throughline which connects them all - I didn’t know what I wanted to say with this series, and so it ended up saying pretty much nothing.

On the other hand, this is just fifteen minutes of content - and I think it packs a lot of individually-quite-good snippets into that runtime. Usually, when I’m writing something, I hit a point where it starts to be a chore; that wasn’t really the case with Are You Happy, thanks to the fast turnaround provided by Plotagon and - perhaps more importantly - the fact that I didn’t need to worry about writing full descriptive prose.

Plotagon provided a huge amount of great background music - seeing as I didn’t go into detail in the last commentary, here’s a breakdown of which pieces I used:

“cruising rap battle” is something of a leitmotif for Chris, appearing during “I Hate You”, “The Agenda (Part 2)” and his scene in “Nobody to Talk To”

Lizzie, meanwhile, has “hideout”, which appears during “Why Nobody Likes You”, her scene in “Nobody to Talk To”, and the final scene in “The Agenda (Part 1)”

Santa naturally has “jingle bells” for all three of his appearances

I guess you could say that “happy music (care free)” from “What are we Learning Today?” is technically a Mr. Hernandez song, but I’d consider this to be more true of “sentimental” which plays throughout “The Faculty Bathroom”

Detective Raymond’s theme is “Detective Noir background”, which appears during the endings of “White-Hat Hacking” and “Nobody to Talk To”

Jessica gets two songs - “pirate ditty” and “suspenseful”, appearing in “White-Hat Hacking” and “The Easy Way” respectively

Katia and Philippe technically get “zombie theme” and “news intro” in “Ever Get Tired of Movies?”, but that’s just the stuff that plays from the TV - it’s not until “The Agenda (Part 1)” that they get “anticipating”, which I consider to be theirs

Fitting neatly with the vague stabs at liminality present in “The Agenda (Part III)”, Literally The Devil gets “muzak”: elevator music

Other bits of music include “lounge” in the actual elevator in “I Hate You” and “french bistro” for the cafe in “The Meaning of Life”

Upon booting up Plotagon, I was greeted with the disconcerting news that it’s being discontinued on desktop at the end of next month - ostensibly so the developers can focus on mobile platforms, although I can’t help but notice that this announcement was shortly followed by a flash sale on their “Plotagon Studio” subscription service for desktop: just $49.99 monthly, or $499.99 annually! Yeah, uhh, I’m good. This is pretty disappointing, but not entirely surprising - I’ve always kinda felt like the software was about to disappear in a poof of smoke, and now it kinda has.

However, I was also greeted with some good news: apparently, it turns out that I’d previously revisited the program all the way back on the 21st of September last year, to start work on a sequel to Are You Happy. Although I knew that I’d made vague plans to do so, I’d completely forgotten that I’d actually gone ahead and produced any new material! The sequel will likely share a portion of its cast with the original series, but based on what I’ve currently got it’ll probably end up dealing with pretty different themes.

With any luck, the application will continue to work offline past that date - but just in case it doesn’t, I’m going to try and accelerate production on the sequel. Don’t get your hopes up. If I can’t finish it, or I’m not happy with it, I’ll still try and put it out - but it’ll be more as a “bonus feature” than as a fully-fledged instalment in the continuity. More importantly, as is the case with everything made in Plotagon, I can’t promise it’ll be good - I can only promise that I’ll have fun making it.

[fireladybuckley]

Into the Aftermath

Fandom: Star Trek AOS Pairing: Light Bones/Carol, no actual relationship Prompt: No specific prompt - takes place sometime during the last quarter of the Into Darkness movie Word Count: 2675 Warnings: Minor injury, angst Rating: PG Author’s Note: Just felt like her injury and emotional trauma needed some attention.  <3

Carol sank tiredly down onto the bed in the small, sterile room she'd been shown into.  The ship had landed, Kirk had been taken to a special ward in the Starfleet medical centre, with Dr. McCoy and Mr. Spock at his bedside.  She had helped take care of the minor injuries of the crew aboard the ship, and directed the more serious injuries into the medical centre.  Finally she'd been lead into a room herself, after one of the nurses had noticed how pale she'd gotten and realized her leg hadn't been completely taken care of.  Dr. McCoy had set her leg and secured it tightly in a very sturdy splint, but the pain medicine he'd given her was starting to wear off and she could feel her calf throbbing.  The pain had started ebbing its way from her ankle up into her knee, creeping higher up her leg the more she moved around, the splint becoming less effective as she had dashed around, helping out.   So she wearily sat here now, waiting for someone to come and tend to her, glad to be off her feet.

She wasn't glad for the quiet and isolation of the room, however.  Despite the physical agony of her leg, the real pain was in her head.  She picked up the small plastic cup of water someone had left on the tray table for her, though instead of drinking, she absently turned it in her hands, staring at it, trying not to think. Her mind was still reeling from what had happened, both about her father being a traitor and a horrible man, and from having to watch him die mere minutes after this terrible revelation.  Despite her absolute disgust as to what he'd done, she hadn't wanted him to die, especially not the horrid way Khan had done it.  She shuddered as she sat there, shaking her head, trying to dislodge the awful image.  It was impossible, however, and she was forced to relive the event in her head several times before she could no longer stand it.

Carol gave a noise of distress and in a fit of frustration, threw the cup across the room.  It bounced off the wall opposite and dropped to the floor, the plastic rim cracking and water splashing everywhere.  Carol turned away as the cup rolled a bit before coming to a stop, already feeling bad about getting water all over, but unable to clean it up with her bad leg.  She let out a shaky breath and pulled herself up onto the bed so she could lie down properly, taking all the pressure off of her leg, which was starting to hurt with more intensity nearly every passing moment.

By the time she heard the door open about ten minutes later, she was lying on her back on the bed, her skin deathly pale and her face somewhat green around the edges.  Her hands were weakly gripping the thin blanket she was lying on top of, as she logically deduced that all the pain medicine was gone from her body.  She was clammy with a cold sweat and her heart was racing, but at least it was distracting her from the thoughts swirling in her mind.  She knew she could handle the knowledge of what had happened later, when she could think about it rationally, but at the moment she was almost glad of the preoccupation.

She looked over at the door as someone came inside the room and was surprised to see that it was Dr. McCoy entering.   She'd been expecting some other doctor or nurse, assuming that he would still be with Jim, monitoring the progress.  Dr. McCoy closed the door behind him and moved towards the bed she was lying on, meeting her eyes and giving her the briefest attempt at a smile before setting his medical kit down on the counter beside him.

"How is Jim?" Carol asked, ignoring the weakness in her voice from the pain and nausea.  He didn't seem to notice her tone, lost in his own thoughts.

"He's about as stable as he's gonna get right now," he answered wearily, running a hand through his already messy hair - a clear sign he'd been doing that same movement repeatedly.  "Khan's blood is replacing his own, which will stop the irradiation effects.  I hope." He sounded strained, worried and above all, tired.

"Dr. McCoy-" she began, but he waved a hand at her somewhat impatiently, shaking his head.

"Leonard.  I told you before, call me Leonard," he corrected her, his voice distracted as he searched his kit for the supplies he needed.

"Right, Leonard." Carol amended, trying not to wince as her leg gave a particularly painful throb.  "Maybe you should go back to monitor him?" she asked gently, watching his face.  "Anyone can deal with my leg, I'd rather you be with him if it would make you feel more confident about his recovery."  She was going to say more but he'd shaken his head.

"There's nothing more I can do now 'cept watch and wait," Bones told her, removing a vial of liquid from his kit and beginning to load it into a hypospray.  "Spock's with him now, and I-" he paused, his hands stilling for a moment as he got lost in a thought.  "I just needed some air."  He finished loading the injection gun and brought it over to the bed, putting it down on the tray table.  

Carol could hear the emotion he was trying to ban from his voice, and could see from his eyes how troubled he was.  She understood.  If it had been one of her best friends lying there dying, she would have been overwhelmed too if all she could do was sit there and hope that his only shot at life would work.  She had the instinctual urge to comfort him, but wasn't sure if he'd welcome it or not, so she abstained.  It was also getting hard to concentrate on anything besides the pain now, and she let out a soft whimper without meaning to, alerting him to her plight.

"How's your leg feeling?" he asked, turning from his supplies, moving over to her side and inspecting the splint.  He saw that it had come undone in a couple of places and sighed, though she didn't notice.

"I've had better days," she said, giving a pained laugh that stopped short a second later as her leg twinged, causing a quickly stifled gasp to escape her.  Bones frowned down at her leg and then glanced up at her seriously, looking concerned but also irritated.

"I told you not to exert yourself," he scolded her, tugging on one of the straps of the splint, trying to re-adjust it.  She cried out as a shock of pain went through her leg, but realized that after the jolt, it felt secure again.  He must have fixed the splint.  She let out a trembling sigh and leaned back against the pillow, feeling shaky and nauseated.   "Sorry for that.  But this splint isn't made for normal, walking-around use," he told her, feeling bad for causing her a bit more pain but frustrated that she hadn't done what he'd asked.  "You didn't rest at all, did you?  Why don't people ever listen to me?" His voice was resigned, and she had a feeling that Bones was thinking a lot more of other people (likely Jim) than herself, but she still thought the comment a little unfair.   She likely would have brushed it aside had she been well and feeling like herself, but she didn't feel normal right now and felt the need to address it.

"I was helping," she told him, unabashed, meeting his eyes unblinkingly, though she was still shaking a bit.  "There were a lot of people hurt.  I may not be a medical doctor but I do know my way around my fair share of injuries," she informed him.  "I wasn't going to let some pain stop me."

Bones' expression softened a little at this and he flashed her a tight smile, patting the knee of her good leg.

"Thanks for that help, then," he said gruffly.  "The nurses must have been overwhelmed."  His tone was a guilty one, and she guessed he felt bad for running off with Spock to care for Jim and leaving everyone else behind.  Again, she didn't blame him, would likely have done the same herself, but she wasn't sure how to reassure him.

"We managed alright," she said simply, hoping it would placate him.  He nodded, and she tensed a little as he reached out and pulled the skirt of her blue Starfleet uniform dress up a few inches from her knees.

"I'm gonna numb your leg before I take the splint off, okay?" He said briefly, gesturing to her knee area with the hypo that was now back in his hand.   She flinched with a gasp as she heard the loud click and then hissing sound of the trigger being pulled and the medicine being injected and felt a sharp stabbing sensation just below her knee.   Within seconds, however, she could feel the numbness spreading down her lower leg, making the pain ebb away.

Carol let out a long sigh of relief and relaxed back against the pillows, letting her body rest for the first time since she'd gotten on the bed, not realizing she'd been holding herself so rigidly the whole time.

"Thank you, that's much better," she told him, the relief clearly evident in her voice.  He nodded again and began to remove the splint, his hands working quickly and skillfully, and she suspected he could do this in his sleep.  He'd removed it in thirty seconds or so and set it aside, carefully easing her broken leg down onto the bed.  She watched him passively as he examined it, checking to make sure it was still set properly.  He was poking and prodding a little in different areas, but the numbing agent was powerful; she thankfully felt nothing.  She felt grateful that she lived in a time when such a thing was possible; if she'd felt much more pain she suspected she would have thrown up or passed out.  Perhaps both.

She zoned out a bit as he did his work, barely noticing as he wrapped her leg in a high-tech mesh that was super strong but very light, barely a centimeter or two thick once he'd layered it properly around for the stability she needed.  

"How are you doing?" he asked her, finishing off the wrap at the bottom and inspecting his work, glancing over at her as he did so.  She came out of her daze and looked at him, then looked down at what he'd done, seemingly noticing the dark green  mesh cast for the first time.

"Oh, I still can't feel anything," she told him,  giving him a weak half smile, her eyes drooping a little.  After all the adrenaline, emotion and pain of the day, now that her leg felt about as much pain as a wooden log, she was feeling unbelievably exhausted.    She looked up again in time to see Bones shake his head and look at her, stepping away from her leg and closer to her upper body, finished with his task.

"No, I meant-" he hesitated, clearly wondering if he should continue, but then he went for it. "I meant about your dad.  The admiral.  I mean, what you saw Khan do..." he trailed off, seeing a look of anguish flash in her eyes and immediately felt bad for saying anything.

The images flooded her brain once more at Bones' words and overwhelmed her for a moment.   She once again relived the anger and disgust she felt at her father's betrayal, and then despite her bad feelings, the absolute horror at watching Khan kill him moments later.  She shook herself and swallowed thickly, trying and failing to smile at him.

"I'm, uh--" she tried to say that she was okay, but she couldn't get the words out, her voice catching a bit.  She didn't want to tell him what she was feeling, either.  She needed to work through her thoughts before she could talk about them, and the memory of the events were too recent and raw for her to process yet.  

Bones seemed to understand and put a warm, steady hand on her arm.  She looked down at it for a brief moment and then up at him, seeing a serious, but earnest expression on his face.

"You can talk to me  if you want, when you're ready." he told her.  "I may not seem like the sentimental type, but I'm a pretty good listener."  His voice was softer than usual, though he still looked a little grumpy, in contrast with the honest clarity in his eyes.  It was a rather endearing combination, and Carol found herself giving him a small but genuine smile.

"Thank you, Leonard," she said quietly, briefly allowing her fingers to brush the back of his hand where it lay on her arm in an attempt to show him she really meant it.  Carol really appreciated the gesture, especially since she didn't really have anyone to talk to, not having had a chance to get to know anyone on the crew yet, besides what little time she'd had with either himself or Jim Kirk.  He nodded, the corner of one side of his lips crooking just slightly, before turning back to the med kit and setting up an IV drip on the pole next to her bed.

"I'm going to put you on a drip overnight.   Saline with some morphine on reserve, in case you're in pain when you wake up." he told Carol, connecting the bag of clear liquid to the IV machine attached to the pole.  He moved towards the bed and after making sure she was ready, inserting the catheter and attached it to the IV line.   She nodded, so tired now she'd barely felt the sting from the insertion, her head lolling against the pillow.

Bones covered her with a couple of extra blankets from the cabinet across the room, not wanting to make her move to get under the covers she was lying on top of.  By the time he'd tucked the blanket carefully around her legs  and up to her shoulders, her eyes were closed.  He smoothed the blanket over her arm and looked down at her for a moment, just watching her relaxed expression.  He didn't think she was asleep yet but she was so close that she'd gone completely limp, one hand across her stomach, her slim fingers curling loosely down her side.

He turned and closed up his medical kit, and was just walking to the door when he heard her shift.  Bones paused and turned to look at her, watched her open her eyes and focus on him a little sluggishly.

"Tell Jim to hurry up and get better," she said sleepily, her eyes already drooping.  "So you can stop worrying..." her voice trailed off at the end, and even as he watched, her face went slack and she began to breathe slowly and evenly, finally resting.

Bones winced as his head throbbed, all his worries and concerns about Jim rushing back to him, flooding his brain so hard it began to hurt.  He put a hand to his forehead, grimacing.  He was confused for a moment as to why they'd even had to come back, he'd been so focused on them before it seemed like they'd never be gone.  But then he realized that while he'd been in there with Carol, his thoughts had mostly cleared without him even realizing it.

Trying to work out this strange development in his brain, he shook his head and left the room, closing the door silently behind himself.  He was going to go sit with Spock and watch Jim's progress  for a while and then get some rest himself before he actually passed out from exhaustion.

[mcatmania]

Posting a bunch of text posts is getting old and had to keep up with the damn movie so below are my thoughts. Enjoy.

- So if Shere Khan has sworn to kill Mowgli then how the hell did that news get to the wolves? Did Shere Khan show up and go - OKAY LISTEN UP

- “It’s too big around, Mowgli says.” It’s. too. big. around. These jokes just about write themselves.

- Here comes everyone’s favorite non villain. I would classify Kaa as like an unfriendly acquaintance. 

- Please go to sleep.....please go to sleep. This little song just cracks me up.

- He wont’ be here in the morning. Lol. God damn this snake is funny.

- A sssserious missssstake.Mowgli is just what happens if we push these coils off?

- oh my god here it comes. brace yourselves. HE’S GOT A KNOT IN HIS TAIL. YES. YES. YES.

- Okay Bageera - Mowgli just saved your life. No need to be a damn sour puss about it. Go to sleep. And he’s just like angry muttering.

- At what point in the night was Mowgli like I’ll just sleep on your ass man if that’s chill.

- Mowgli how the hell do you know what a parade is?

- One of these damn elephants is high as fuck and I will be taking no other questions at this time.

- Jesus everyone just tells Mowgli to STFU. No wonder he fucking bolts at the end.

- The fact that Mowgli can walk on all fours is just unsettling on all costs.

- How do you just tell you wife, I’m going to lead a army of elephants and you’re gonna be in it.

-What does one have to not do to have a “dusty muzzle”

- Also he says what happened to your trunk and THEN realizes he’a fucking human? Jesus

- Also damn the word of Bageera must mean a lot.

- Winnafred old girl...yeah I don’t know if I like that.

- You know how just turn your herd around on the turn of a dime?

- SOMEONE DIDN’T TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEIR DRUNK AT THE END OF THAT COLLISON.

- You know how you tell the wolf pack that you’ll be so fine taking the mancub and then halfway through you’re like nahhhh fuck this kid? That’s not helpful to anyone. What happened to the word of Bageera?

- WELL IT’S A DOO BA DE DOO. AND IT’S A DOO BA DE DOO. I MEAN A DOO BEE DOO DEE DOO BEE DOO BEE DOO BEE DEE DO. Anyone else that he’s saying doobee? You know like a joint?

- Well Bageera if you hadn’t have left him alone like you told the Colonel you wouldn’t.... remember you said something about your word?

- DO ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE KNOW EACH OTHER? LIKE REALLY?

- He’s tickling Baloo....i’m uncomfy.

- Well yes Baloo. That’s what they do in the Man Village. They make men out of people.

- And cue iconic song. snack time...this whole scratching yourself sequence makes me wanna look the other way.

- it calls for some “big scratch?” I’m not joking here.

- Although the trumpet in this little is going the fuck off. and i don’t even mind.

- so Bageera this is now the second time you walked out? Well done dude. You suck at this.

End of Act I

- i will say this whole lead up to the smack is pretty hilarious.

- In short - these monkies are assholes.

- Bageera you can’t be proud that shit didn’t work you out. YOU LEFT HIM AGAIN.

- Cue 2nd and last iconic song in this movie. 

- Mowgli really does have a temper transtrum

- how the hell are all these animals talking? are they in a group thread?

- Actually Fall Out Boy’s cover of I Wanna Be Like You kinda slaps

 - The weirdest little dance off here.

- Balloo is me when I hear a good beat

- IM GONNA MAN SOLID GONE

- a small grass skirt and coconut shells of the mouth relaly confused you all? damn

- that’s what I call a swingin party.

- Seriously though - Bageera is fucking racist. He legit said “birds of a feather should flock together.” Come on now.

- HERE WE GO SUBTLE SUNRISE IN THE BACK

- You know how their eyes just healed over night?

- Baloo you have legit known him for one day.

- How Mowgli isn’t like why are you all depressame street is weird. lol.

- I do love the subtle orchestral changes in Mowgli’s reprise in this.

- Mowgli you aren’t a bear. You’re a human.

- As long as I’m with you. Ope...you hear that slight theme of Till I’m Grown? Here we go foreshadow.

- The metaphor of You wouldn’t marry a panther doesn’t make any sense.

- And cue freak out of Mowgli. And instant betrayal.

-how does everyone manage to lose this kid. Jesus christ.

-Here he comes. Sgt. Badass. 

End of Act II

- this opening shot of Khan used to scare the shit outta me. God he’s so cool.

- He’s hunting a character that looks so close to Bambi’s mother it’s insane.

- God those eyes.

- “Beastly luck” - not only is Shere Khan angry and vicious, he’s also classy as hell. I love it.

- now Baggy you want their help come on now man. You gave them your word and that’ snot gonna go well if they’re smart.

- WOULD A FEMALE LEADING YOUR HERD BE SO TERRIBLE?!

- “And now for my rendezvous with the lost man cub.” THIS WRITING.

- I worry with how information circles this jungle. I mean seriously.

- The fact that Shere Khan doens’t buy any of Kaa’s story is amazing.

- The middle? there’s noting in there.”

- The fact that Shere Khan feels Kaa’s stomach just to make sure that Kaa didn’t eat him is amazing.

-Shere Khan saying Good Show is just fantastic.

- These vultures are the Beatles and I will hear nothing else at this time.

- The fact that Shere Khan comes in on the bass is just so delicious.

- And the fact that Shere Khan just claps for himself. I’m so here for it.

- “and thank you for detaining my victim.” you just dont’ hear that anymore. YES.

- He says I won’t run from anyone. As he’s run from like 3 people in this entire movie.

- I love this music so much. he grabbed a branch like let’s do this.

- The fact that Khan bites Balloo on the ass and there is no blood is not normal at all.

- It’s just fire. Like Shere Khan can and will come back. We know this.

- Baloo would just listen to his eulogy. Jesus Christ. 

- This for me is the most uninteresting part of the movie. Like completely honest.

- Father is hunting in the forest. DOES FATHER KNOW ABOUT SHERE KHAN?!

- the bottom line - Mowgli gave up all this for tits and a pretty smile. Okay then.

- I will say this though - the bop that we’re about to have for the ending.

- here the hell we go.

Thanks for tuning guys! Love ya!!!!

[tas-ss7a]

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS BLOG-MaryP

Hi guys, I’m here to complete the final assignment about Christopher Columbus. So, I’m gonna answer a bunch of questions below:

Let’s start with the first question: Is Columbus the most significant European in history?

This question is quite hard and debatable. In my opinion, he is a very important European, but he isn’t the MOST significant European ever. The reason for my thought is very simple: There are lots more influential and important than him, such as Julius Caesar, Henry VII, Joan of Arc, Einstein, Mozart, etc… Another reason for this is in this world, I think no one is the most important because they all have different achievements and sometimes, they might not be related to each other, so we can’t really compare them.

For the second question: What effect did he have on the world? He definitely left great impacts, especially modern day when the US is the powerhouse of the world. He “discovered” the whole continent of America. He also brought spices, ideas, cultures, animals, disease from America to Europe and create Colombian Exchange. He made big transition from the “old world” to the “new world”.

The answer for the third question is too obvious: He treated the Natives so terrible like animals. He forced them to tribute their properties to the Spanish or else they would be killed and be examples for others. He put them in slaves and traded them for money. They seemed less human because they weren’t Christians, so he forced them to believe in Jesus Christ. And also, he shouldn’t be judged by our moral standards because our standard today is totally different with how it was during Mesoamerica time. People in that time thought differently from us right now, it was more savage and stricter. Therefore, we shouldn’t judge him by our moral standards.

There are some similarities and some differences between Christopher Columbus and Genghis Khan. They are both very famous for their conquests. They both killed lots of people but both left massive effects on the world. However, they were from different continents and famous for different accomplishments. Columbus was famous for “discovering” America and trading slaves, creating Colombian Exchange, while Genghis Khan was famous for conquering, and discovering new lands.

From these assignments about Columbus, I learnt a lot of things. First of all, I had never learnt about him specifically. I also never know he is a very bad guys. I learnt about Colombian Exchange and his impacts.

I’m done!! Thanks for reading my blog. (Sorry if it’s boring!!)