#LET HIM MURDER SOME PPL WE LOVE JUST A LITTLE

[bottombaron]

so, if Laszlo takes the fall for Guillermo like I predicted and Nandor kills him or both of them or all of them (and then feels real bad abt it and brings him/them back via wish), I know a lot of ppl who are already down on Nandor here are going to swell in numbers and everyones going to hate on him and w/e and anyways I just want people to know something real important

sit down

breath this in

take it to heart...

hes going to be so fucking hot doing it

[pinazee]

And down the stretch comes murder

I wanted to take this moment to highlight the adorable child actors they got- Liam James and Carlos McCullers II. They are so perfectly cast as Shawn and Gus and they do such an amazing job! Im so impressed by them 👏👏

The whole spitball incident really highlights the differences between Shawn and Gus’ ethics. Shawn feels guilty for thinking he got the wrong spitter and ruined Jimmys life while Gus actually did it and feels no remorse at all. Perhaps it’s because Jimmy tortured Gus more, but it’s also come up a few other times i believe, that Gus is not above revenge nor is always willing to do the right thing if it interferes with his safety or his own code of justice, whereas with Shawn it’s like he can’t rest until he’s made things right. This, in addition to the ways he looks out for people (helping Lassie solve a case without him knowing, helping juliet find some kids without getting paid, standing between Gus and a gun), I think is why i tend to be more drawn to Shawn. I love tender-hearted morally just characters. Im not saying he’s always riding the high horse (pun intended), simply that at the end of the day you know he’s going to do the right thing. Don’t get me wrong, i love a morally ambiguous character too, and if I’m honest Gus’s outlook is certainly more realistic, but if i had to pick a favorite, i want the reliably good and wholesome over the self-serving. Not that im saying Gus is selfish at all, but of the two Shawns more our hero, even compared to his own cop father. I think Juliet is the only one who comes closest to matching that above and beyond heroism. I think the only reason she’s a step below is because Shawn simply notices others more. Thats all. If Juliet had Shawns abilities she’d be just as on top of it as him, probably more so. Actually she might get overwhelmed by seeing it all and not being able to help everyone. I think it’d be really hard for her to ignore sometimes. Which, okay I’m going down a tangent, but do you think Shawn had to learn to shut it off sometimes or like, learn to walk away? Cause i imagine day to day Shawn’s seeing people dealing with grief, abuse, or pain and with as kind as he is, it must be hard for him to ignore. Like if you’ve ever seen Daredevil, I’m imagining a less dramatic version of that haha

Henry will take any opportunity to point out Shawns failings or try to make him feel less than. Shawn tells him he’s there for a case and instead of asking him about it, Henry goes right back into you never could be a good handicapper because you lack the patience and follow-through it takes to put the time in and research. Also, the line “i let him talk to me” just doesn’t sit right with me even if the guy did turn out to be a skeeve. This kind of stuff makes me think Shawn either learned how to respect people from his mother or refused to treat people like his father. Probably both, though i hate to give her credit for anything haha

Look at his smile when he sees Lassie feed the horse. He’s so warmly amused by him. I wasn’t a Shassie shipper originally (as i just didn’t ship ppl in ye olden days) but i think I am now. I see it guys, I get it haha

These scenes are what makes the episode for me! I love them! We get to see both Shawns interacting and how he utilizes his vast memory, taking a peak into his mind palace so to speak. Plus he literally answered that common question of if you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self? (“Think big!”) I know they never really intended for this to be like a deep scene (nor expected certain fans to overanalyze it haha) but i like how he approaches the kid version of himself with a certain degree of amusement. Like I imagine if i was seeing my young self I’d probably be rolling my eyes at my sheer stupidity, but Shawns a lot kinder to himself haha Also little Shawns line “I thought I’d be bald by 20” was fucking gold! I wish I had better words for why this works so well but all i have is that it does and its brilliant.

Nice try Psych, your Canada is showing ;)

Heres some completely irrelevant info. The difference between a dreamcicle and a creamcicle: both are orange flavored, but dreamsicles had an ice milk center while a creamsicle was ice cream. And dreamsicles are no longer made.

I like this addition to the background. Its so cute. (Sidenote: this screenshot makes it seem like Shawn is the babyfaced assassin)

P.S This is the second episode ive seen him hold this frog. That is all.

[ca-suffit]

sorry how long this is, but this fandom is pissing me off so much and I need to rant a little before I explode lol.

-- madeleine (nonchalantly) says of sleeping with a literal nazi, "I was inviting a frightened boy to cradle my tits," and then when louis turns her we see this as a pleasant memory, and I'm supposed to believe someone who could take pity on a nazi (even if he "wasn't dedicated to the cause") and remember him fondly isn't going to be racist? so I'm the weird one for finding claudeine to be a gross ship and being exasperated by seeing edits of them flood my dash? and every time I talk about this on ANY platform, I mostly get ignored and the few people who do interact w my posts are denying it and saying she had to do it to survive, as if she didn't also literally say she grew up rich like 30 seconds prior.

-- a decent chunk of the anti lestat crowd insists he participated in the trial as an act of revenge and can't say his name w/o talking about how they hate him (bc his racism + abuse), and these are the same people going apeshit over ben daniels saying that santiago was gay and in love with armand, as if he isn't one of the most antiblack characters we've met on the show bc he was quite literally eager to put on the trial solely bc he hated louis for falling asleep during one of his performances. and don't get me started on his monologue about claudia's ashes. and yet ppl are excitedly eating ben's interview up. 🙄

-- the narrative literally showing us that lestat has changed since the attempted murder (going off script on the trial in defense of louis & claudia, taking accountability for his abuse, staying silent about the fact that he was the one to save louis & letting him leave w armand when we know how terrifying being alone is for lestat, spending decades living in that shack and eating rats to punish himself vs the hedonistic & decadent lifestyle we saw him living in s1) and the anti lestat crowd claiming this is just him being manipulative and are furious that the writers had louis forgive him. like normally I agree that it's in very poor taste to paint an abuser as sympathetic, but the thing about this show is that these characters are immortal and have all the time in the world to change. like this isn't the writers sweeping it under the rug, they're explicitly acknowledging how horrific lestat's behavior was and there are literally canon glimpses showing us that lestat has become a better person (and I'm sure this will be fleshed out more next season as we'll get his pov) and, like, isn't it a good thing to see an abusive character realize the error of their ways and alter their behavior and become better????? like it's fair to not want to see that, but this is the wrong show to be watching if you can't handle seeing abusers change their ways & being forgiven by the people they've hurt (especially since it's pretty much confirmed armand/daniel is going to happen at some point and given I'm sure they'll be circling around each other, I feel confident that louis will eventually forgive armand too)

ur fine, u can rant! I have a lot in my inbox but I try to get to it all eventually in whatever way.

idk how much u wanted me to comment on anything or not, but I'm gonna add comments and u do whatever u want with it.

a) ur never going to have an easy time criticizing a white woman in fandom. it reflects too much of what fandom is usually made up of and ppl will usually tell u it's misogyny to judge these characters if u ever try (most of the time it's not, but that's a convenient excuse to shut down convos).

the show intentionally makes everyone do p questionable shit, especially the white characters. it doesn't tell u how to feel about it, that's up to u. that makes ppl uncomfortable. it goes further too when it is someone like madeleine, who is otherwise seen in positive ways. it's reflective of real life and that's what scares ppl the most. nobody ever fits in a box of only "good" or "bad." a lot of what the book for IWTV asks too is what defines that anyways? and S1 also said "are we the sum of our worst moments?" so it is constantly asking u that and it is for u to decide and reflect on.

b) white, gay stuff is also gonna be popular in fandoms. ben daniels is also gay irl and his husband just died so there's crossover from that to praising his character bcuz ppl feel sympathy for him. I also think ppl detach more from his actions bcuz he's not romantically linked to the characters he's torturing. ppl also just honestly dgaf about antiblackness anyways so for most ppl it's easy to overlook. which is how we get posts like this.

I mean, u can also like whatever characters u like for any reason. some ppl like characters not bcuz they support what they do, but bcuz they're just enjoyable to watch in performance or connection to the plot or whatever. I think examining santiago after what ben said about his performance is something ppl should be able to do, and again it circles back to the stuff I wrote for madeleine. where does ur (general u) discomfort lie and why? as u said, if it's ppl who dislike lestat then it's worth looking at that too, why are the characters different then?

c) there's sort of 2 things happening for this part. the first is that 2x8 did have pacing issues, for whatever reasons. a lot of ppl felt like it flattened the plot and characters for the sake of making lestat look the best (over armand) and rly shoving it in out of nowhere. the second part is what u said about the themes. I've always figured they were going to explore forgiveness and personal growth, but I also know it isn't going to be easy for ppl to follow. hopefully the full seasons coming do a better job of this but for 2x8 there were a lot of reasons ppl felt crazy about the way it was shown to us. I also agree that other characters will have these journeys with each other too. it was just such a sharp turn for S2 to end on highlighting the white character we've otherwise seen as being p horrible and suddenly saying "it's the brown character who rly did the worst!" I don't think they intended to come across like that but it's how it landed for a lot of ppl. it doesn't mean ppl have an issue with the concept of forgiveness and stuff otherwise. we'll have to see how it goes. but ya there's 2 things going on there for this rn.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ofmd s2e1 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit

not quite a reaction post bc i've already watched the whole thing. not quite a liveblog bc it's one post and it's probably gonna take me a full hour to get through a 28 minute episode at the rate of pausing and typing i'll be doing

s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8

anyway, pirate time:

i love how much fun con is having choking on his own blood

dream!stede's extremely teary face right before he takes off running down the beach is doing psychic damage to me

also dream!stede's stupid ridiculous outfit with all the long ribbons and shit...

ed and stede make contact so hard shjfkhsgjkfd the loud OUGH sounds from both of them

also the return of ed's old beard! i didnt expect to see her at all this season, so that was a surprise.

"babe" "love" im tearing out my own hair

stede has yet to learn that ripping ass near your beloved can be a love language

stede is a terrible fucking roommate just deal with wee john's gas in silence like the rest of them. goddamn.

WHO HAS THE OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH TRAMP STAMP. WHO IS THAT.

i like when the background OST is familiar to me lol the little strings when stede starts his letter throwing me back to s1

olu: that–that's the swede the swede: Im the swede roach: he's single ;) me: *pissing my pants with laughter*

also the direct confirmation that the swede literally doesn't have a name. incredible

shjkfhdhfkj the crew encouraging him. stede's "it's okay" and roach "be brave" im CRYINGGGGG

stede doing customer service is something that can be so personal. "reservation?" "eat my fuckin' shit" "right! walk-ins, then" average restaurant experience

the random background guy saying "my favorite hand!" abt getting stabbed in the hand is making me giggle. i love the humor on this show

why does stede have so much shoulder movement going on when he's walking through the bar. whore behavior.

"this is for mom!" sorry but i want to know more abt whatever's going on there

also the purple mohawk. dope.

buttons is so distressed LET HIM RETURN TO THE SEA THESE CONDITIONS ARE INHUMANE

"i know the odds of you finding this are slim but so were the odds of us finding each other in the first place" IM RIPPING OFF MY OWN SKIN

also stede's lil sad hopeful smile after throwing the bottle... i care him

i love how they make this wedding fucking suck so we don't feel too bad abt the whole massacre thing. "the natural condition of humanity is base and vile. it is the obligation of people of standing, such as yourselves, to elevate the common human rabble through the sacred transaction of matrimony" if i was at a wedding and the officiant said that i'd also start killing people probably

yayy murder montage :)

FANG BREAKING THAT GUY'S SPINE OVER HIS KNEE

the whole cake scene is so fucking funny im sorry. i love u jim drawing the line at attacking a shitty wedding. i love u archie who wasn't here for the good old days so you dont really see a problem with how things are. i love u frenchie with ur box in ur brain that u never open again. i love u fang it's gonna get better i swear. i love u frenchie again bc u just took the cake right out of fang's hands while he was fucking sobbing hfjhgkjhdkjkf

I MISS IVAN JUSTICE FOR IVAN. wish they could've said he'd just fucked off somewhere instead of dying but i think that would've raised the question of why hasn't anyone else fucked off since they all seem so miserable

very relieved that stede isn't taking the racist/antisemitic caricature drawings of ed to make like a boyfriend scrapbook like some people were theorizing. would've been overkill if after episode 4 from last season stede still didn't realize that ed hated these sorts of depictions of him.

INTERESTING DETAIL THO the background music in this scene is "a pirate's life" aka the song frenchie sang in the pilot. it's an instrumental version obviously but yeah i recognize that tune

also more cool background ppl with dyed hair man i love this show

zheng yi sao flirting with olu is so good. he deserves it.

how nice of ed to offer his drugs to the crew. sharing is caring.

also it's so funny to me that the thing izzy is tormented by is ed saying "you can't do the job, someone else will" the toe thing's happened three times and apparently that was fine but the thing the show edits together right before izzy breaks down into the most pathetic aheemheem whimpers isn't any of that it's ed threatening to fire him

also they cut ed throwing knives at izzy!! what the hell.

releasing the clip of izzy crying kinda ruined it for me when it came time to watch it in the show bc i watched it several times since it dropped and now seeing it in context i was like "ok i've seen this already fast forward." i mean i didnt fast forward through it but i did kinda zone out bc i've seen this bit already. this post kinda sums up my thoughts on it

"trifling ingrate plan" dshkjfshgdskhfjkhgkjh

"SEMI-CLEAN WATER"

JACKIE CALLING THE SWEDE "BOO CAKES"

"i know that guy we had breakfast together!" "you'll be having a lot of breakfasts-es together" "oh, okay" i fucking love this whole dynamic like i can tell they're writing the swede out of most of the episodes for budget reasons (sorry nat faxon) but by god do they give him such an excellent fucking send-off. can't wait to see him again when he's in his trophy husband number 20 era

roach is upset abt not being able to cook, buttons is tied up so he doesn't go running back to the sea (i assume). stede you are not giving your crew the environment they need to thrive.

olu being an optimist :)

buttons opens his mouth to drink the rain and in the background u can see roach yanking the rope around buttons back fhdjskgfjhgkjfh STEDE YOUR SEA WITCH CANNOT THRIVE IN THESE CONDITIONS

stede tries to make things sound good in his bottle letters to ed but out loud he says his actual insecurities... it's so fucking tasty tho that he thinks ed could be doing better without him and THAT'S why he's been stalling so much. not afraid for his life even a little bit he just assumes he's not wanted. brb i have to cry now

"im sorry if that's a little bit creepy" "you are creepy" in this scene where they're soaked from the rain. ofmd said this prince ricky guys is creepy and wet.

stede's fucking FACE when prince ricky says "you're my hero" his fucking "clearly you dont own an air fryer" face I CANT STAND HIMMMMMM (affectionate)

prince ricky "these rubes" "men of our standing" yeah i cant fucking stand this guy (derogatory) i love how he's barely even in this episode

stede's face when the swede is talking abt how happy he is with jackie... my man believes in love so much im gonna cry

also in what fucking way does the swede owe them a life debt. roach and buttons literally tried to eat him

izzy's "you know me better than anyone knows me and i daresay the same about you" this is literally so false i dont even know where to begin. izzy in e6 being like "if i didnt know any better i'd think maybe ed might possibly maybe be actually enjoying bonnet's company" while ed and stede are giggling and making each other friendship bracelets. this guy doesn't know ed at all.

also i cant get over how izzy wont make eye contact he's like staring blankly into the middle distance delivering these lines so flatly until he goes to say "i have... love for you" and in that moment he looks like he'd rather ed were feeding him more toes.

"im worried about you, we all are" not gonna lie my dude you've had a weird way of showing it thus far. where was all that worry when you told him he was better off dead than wearing a robe and singing songs?? where was that fucking love then?

and NOW izzy wants to talk it through. izzy literally voted to make blackbeard great again and now he wants to give open communication a chance???

lmao there's a limit to how many characters can be in a bulleted list so here's fucking. part two. on the same post:

ed asking everyone if the vibe is poisonous and fang cant stop crying and ed's face is just like "eh good enough" im fdhksgfkjtdkh

anyway ed with a loaded gun under his chin talking to himself is hurting me so fucking much actually. ed my beloved babygirl for whom i would die. this poor traumatized man. yes he is making this workplace toxic as hell but god. GOD. im gonna throw up.

the way ed is so fucking casual about shooting izzy in the leg. just calm and jovial as he promotes frenchie to first mate. stepping over izzy all crumpled on the floor. everything about this is so fucking good. i mean it's horrible for ed and everyone around him but for me watching the show this shit is DELICIOUS. i love when the pirates get violent and unhinged i love when this shit gets fucked up. ed's mental state is so bad right now and it is causing me severe anguish but also it is so tasty. fuck.

anyway frenchie trying to turn down the promotion fhjkghdfjkhf

the cut to the swede performing the husbandly duties is INSANE. COMPLETE TONAL WHIPLASH. I LOVE THIS SHOW.

"fuck those hammies up!" spanish jackie i love you

black pete why are you so fucking loud AND WHY WOULD YOU JIX IT LIKE THAT???

why is prince ricky so small. he's like a full head shorter than stede. also this guy is insufferable i love how stede just fucking abandons him fhjkgdhkdfghkj

"the calf muscle is the most mysterious of alllll the muscles" what the FUCK does that even mean. oh swede i will miss you

NOSE REMOVAL FUCK YES. I LOVE THIS SHOW.

obsessed with the swede playing dumb. the dramatic gasp. "wow, so bad!" fhjsghdkjf

"aint you that soup bitch?" "im the money bitch" i love women.

sfdsjkh spanish jackie being into double-crossing. and slapping the swede's ass on the way out. i love this show

i love how zheng says "this much indigo is worth three times what i paid" while spanish jackie and the husbands are still like, right there. and they just don't hear that bit. incredible.

OUGH the back of jim's weird rope armor looks like a ribcage that's so cool

i love how jim is so fucking bad at telling this story. i love how the monkey's paw comes into it. i love fang asking them to do the voice. i love archie trying to hold back her laughter i love jim and fang giggling together I LOVE THIS SHOW

ed's fucking voice breaking through his whole convo with frenchie. im tearing out my own teeth

HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW THEY HAVE POST-CREDITS SCENES IN THIS SEASON?????????? WHAT THE HELL

i take back what i said about jim being bad at telling this story their version is so much fucking better. squeaky voice "I pray to you, Dark Lord, to make me real flesh! I want to be real flesh!" IM FUCKING OBSESSED. JIM I WOULD DIE FOR YOU

[musicalmoritz]

Idk if you were around during the pitchfork Tsukasa days where even having an au where Tsukasa didn’t get possessed by the entity and therefore was just a normal chaotic piece of shit (so first year him since we know in first year, he was literally just a little asshole) was branded to get you like, immediately persecuted. People made call out threads just cause you shipped Tsukasa with someone his age and told other people they deserved to be in a mental hospital or told to kys because they thought Tsukasa had nuance and when the possession theory was TRUE? People still badgered and hurt others to the point that some people are like, terrified of even admitting they like Tsukasa 😭. I remember being driven away from people my age in the fandom and getting dragged into shit circles because the fandom was like “you ship Tsukasa? You’re an abuse apologist!”

I was not around for those days, I’ve only been in the fandom for about a year but omg that sounds rough😭 I can relate tho, before I got into TBHK I was hyperfixated on Fruits Basket- specifically Shigure, Akito, and their relationship, and let me tell you…oof it was a struggle. Luckily I was able to stay in my own little fandom corner with other Akigure lovers but I had to block ppl every time I looked up edits for them on TikTok. I’m also a Hisoka fan so there’s that

Tbh it bothers me how fandoms moralize liking certain characters. I watched a video essay a few months ago on the Dahmer Netflix series and how people romanticize serial killers, and someone in the comments brought up The Joker as a comparison. Now I’ll be honest, The Joker is one of my least favorite characters ever, but he’s still a fictional character. The fact that it would even cross someone’s mind to put him in the same category as a real life rapist, cannibal, and murder, is genuinely so disturbing to me. This might sound dramatic but I was kinda messed up abt it for a while, it made me realize that this line of thinking with fiction can severely alter people’s empathy

Anyways, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Fandoms are not very rational when it comes to these subjects and they’re very subject to groupthink. You hear the exact same argument reused to explain why Tsukasa shouldn’t be shipped because most of those people aren’t coming up with that opinion on their own, they’re copying what others have said. That’s why I headcanon him as aroace, I can’t picture him liking anyone romantically but I didn’t want to align myself with the rest of the fandom by saying he would automatically be a domestic abuser no matter who he’s with

He’s also a really cool character and tbh I feel like people are missing out by hating him on sight. So many fans seem baffled at the thought of anyone having positive feelings towards him. He’s not crazy high on my character ranking but I still love him dearly, I’m happy so many people have been asking about him today because it gives me a chance to defend my son (well, not defend his actions but yk, defend him from the fandom police)

[carniferous]

Me and the bad bitch I pulled by framing his brother of murder .. so fucking real pls continue

absolutely let's get into it....

'me and the bad bitch i pulled by framing his brother for murder' specifically comes from my idea of like. if regulus survived the cave and the war ended as per canon and then he went on to hunt for the remaining horcruxes whilst peter is also looking for a horcrux to bring voldemort back with. they could meet. and they could have the most fucked up philosophically twisted situationship everrrr bound by this fragment of voldemort's soul that both of them Need for opposite reasons. both of them feeling that cruel twist of irony that once again they are bound by voldemort, a man they cannot help but respect and fear even while viewing him as a little beneath them. both of them having a vague disgust for the other that can Only manifest in psychosexual torture.

more broadly i like regulus and peter in the sense that they are diametrically opposed to each other. they are incapable of liking each other because they represent to each other the Worst Possible Choice either of them could have made (from their perspective -- regulus cannot imagine loneliness like peter has willingly chosen, and peter cannot imagine powerlessness like regulus has willingly chosen). and for that exact reason, they cannot ignore or forget each other! they're fascinated with each other the way ppl are fascinated with gruesome suicide. the way ppl are fascinated with how their lives could've played out if they had approached the crossroads of their life and chosen the Other path.

and unlike pairings with sev, i like how both regulus and peter's personal angst is not wrapped up in how they existed on the Outside of adoration and respect and admiration. they are not characters who stewed in personal loathing, both of their arcs hinge on action and choices and the desire to assert themselves upon the world. in my opinion, although reg was lonely and peter was resentful, they both were fairly comfortable with who they were -- there's a degree of arrogance in that, and they both recognize that in each other, and they perversely enjoy recognizing it.

i think they fuck a few times in a sort of high-handed hand-jobby (laugh reel) way. they're playing gay chicken but it's "you lose if you acknowledge the unspeakable tragedy that exists between us without which we would have nothing to say to one another" it's fun for them to pretend that the only thing they have to argue about is their Philosophical World View. they think they're recreating the dialogues of plato as they give each other uncomfortably dry hand jobs but it always falls a little short because of the Thing. The Thing They Don't Talk About. and then voldy's soul is just sitting there like a freaky little homunculus

here are some images:

bonus: if you have read tgcf you will already know this but the main antagonist of tgcf has this weird 800-year-long obsession and carefully cultivated power dynamic with the main character that stems from the fact that their characters are Direct mirrors of each other. and the dynamic involves the antagonist meticulously creating scenarios that he hopes will destroy the protag's faith in humanity and love and compassion and the novel ends with a confrontation of those ideals in which the protag says their similar pasts have Nothing to do with the way the antagonist turned out. and that him losing faith in humanity was a choice he made and not inevitable at all. and the protag proves this by refusing to choose anything except love. this too is regpeter

[maxinemartinsdrill]

spn women I have strong feelings about:

1. ROWENA ROWENA ROWENA. Rowena will get CRAZYYYYY interesting backstory dropped in various episodes and ppl just ignore it. like she grew up poor and when she had Crowley she was miserable and alone and she despised him for it because she needed to be strong and he felt like a weakness to her. and then she spends years fleeing witch hunts running around Europe and she finally grasps some level of power to find security because magic is her way out magic is her strength etc etc. and we first see her killing pimps and then helping those girls and then punishing them for lacking the strength she wants to see in them. like is she a nice person? absolutely not. but the reasons for her desperation to hold onto power are SO SOS SO COMPELLING. ppl would be allllllll over her if she were a man I mean that so sincerely.

AND THEN. She meets the Winchesters and they keep kidnapping her and she gets thrown into all this shit with Lucifer and she's not as strong as she thought she was. she's not strong enough to be safe. but the she gets to know Sam better and she finally gains the levels of power she's sought of angling for as well as some of the emotional security because he's vulnerable with her and he gets it a little bit. and she can let herself be bit more vulnerable and she can open herself up to feeling more than just scared or vengeful. the fact that when she's safe she will let herself love people??? excellent. like her becoming less evil to me is wayyyyy more interesting than the way spn does this a lot of the time and it feels rly fucking authentic.

AND EVERYTHING AFTER THA IS GREAT AS WELL. her trying to decide where she stands morally, admitting she did awful things to herself and getting on with it, only being able to love her son after he's dead, bequeathing Sam everything she had after she died. LIKE THERES SO MUCH THERE. and obligatory Lucifer trauma mention because samwena Lucifer trauma bonding was what got me back into spn and into Sam in the first place.

2. BILLIE. singing oh death in the hospital. holding Rowena while she completely loses itm she is THEE benevolent death to me. I love the fact shs one of the only characters who banters with Dean on his level of strange anachronisms. Love how when she was reaping him she was debating whether to tell him sam was still alive. possibly I am just obsessed with her because for once they gave a woman interiority in a way that wasn't inherently evil (like she wasn't portrayed as a saint for it but it was like just business) and then s15... At least 75% of my hatred of the cas confession comes from the fact they made Billie 'evil' in order to set it up.

3. Mary.... ohhhhhh mary. More about the implication than anything else - 'they couldn't stand each other at first but by the time we were done with them...' truly awful. the way she tries her whole life to get away from hunting and runs right back into it. and she comes back to deeply troubled children who she is expected to parent without having any idea of how to do this because she does not know them. and she's a mother to them not mary.

4. bela talbot :(( you're dying. And utterly alone. and you died to free yourself and you've been running and running your entire life but you can't run any longer. and there's someone on the phone, maybe the only person who can understand you. you're similar and he may as well be the only person left in the world. and then he calls you a bitch and says you deserve to die. and you get ripped apart by dogs and tortured for the rest of eternity.

5. KELLY KLINE!!!!!!!!! craziest mf on the show istg. again do I think the writers were trying to do anything serious with her? No. BUT THE IMPLICATIONS. like as I have rambled about before she is insanely republican and Christian pregnant with the antichrist AND on the run with a queer fallen angel who went on a blasphemous murdering homophobes and republicans spree a couple of years back. she is overwhelmingly positive despite this possibly because she is completely divorced from reality due to her bizarre politics (how to have an affair with the president in a god honouring way is it morally wrong to get an abortion if the fetus is the devil etc). and for some reason she is convinced that jack will save the world which is so fun!!!! I also really enjoy the fact that most of her bizarreness was left to be implied because it allows us to see her as a normal person doing her best in an awful situation and empathise with her. Despite the fact that they could have easily made her a full blown lady Jessica type (i don't know enough about dune to say if this is right) with the whole magical pregnancy manipulative religious delusions/cult type thing going. which would have still been interesting but also lacked depth in places. here they just tell you shes absolutely ridiculous and then have her interact completely normally despite the abnormal circumstances. which (accidentally???) gives her a lot going on. also the bit where she meets jack in heaven and realises he's dead the 'cas said he would look out for you' one of if not the most devastating line in late seasons spn not even joking.

honorary mentions:

Amara :))) literally 90% if when she is on screen I am unconvinced however gimme shelter was sooooooo good. SHES A FEMINIST!!! OBLIGATORY SHOUT OUT TO THE WIRE MOTHER CLOTH MKTHER DEAN AMARA POST

[gvtted-ratz]

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What’s Your Favourite Scary Movie, Eddie?

Edward Nashton (The Riddler) x Ghostface!Trans!M!Reader

Last Edited: 06/04/2023

TW: gore, blood, murder, stalking, dead bodies, transphobia, foul language, body dysphoria, phone harassment

Requested: no

Word Count: 2,381

AO3 LINK -> HERE

Notes: literally rewatching the batman 2022 as i make this lel. also, kinda think of the ghosftface from dead by daylight as i love that costume/look so the outfit that’s described. i finished this shit on 1 hour of sleep btw so hope u enjoy

He’s an odd man. His schedule used to remain constant until it didn’t. You’re unsure of what changed. He’s still a forensic account by all means. He forged those documents to get the job so of course he wouldn’t simply just quit. That part stayed the same. It’s after work when he deviates from his original schedule. Going out at night, spying on people, and getting odd information. There’s also his online presence getting stronger. You see him on his computer more and more. Sometimes he’s typing, other times he has some sort of outfit on to do live streams.

No matter what, he’s always busy with something. That something has gotten more and more odd these past few weeks. He’s obsessing over a vigilante. A man dressed in black who goes around beating people down until they cannot get up to fight anymore. A “Batman” is what they call him. For someone so many fear, little ol’ Eddie surely loves him. It makes your stomach twist in disgust. How can this man obsess over this random vigilante? Sure, he fights crime but he’s not going for the bigger people. He lets cops run around, nabbing the criminals only to let them go after a bit of bribing. Some saviour he is. Plus, to see this somewhat nerdy and dainty-looking man go for a man who appears to be jacked screws with your head.

You can’t help but want to maul your own skin at this observation. The mousey man wanting the dark, mysterious, and bulky body type makes you think of your own figure. You don’t have the exact body type so may want after all the struggles to so much as get the medicine you needed for your transition. It takes time, ranging from months to years. And the first man you see him obsess over is the usual “jacked” and “hot” man makes you angry. That original figure you had has changed over time, into something you’re more comfortable with. While some changes haven’t been made yet due to the lack of money, you feel better; like you can actually live in your own skin now after so long of feeling like your body was out to destroy you.

But that feeling does fade now and then, especially when you see someone you’ve been watching and pinning over for months wanting the one thing you feel like you can’t be at times. Sometimes it’s your mind, other times it's old words from people you knew. The majority is the people you see online spouting nasty things, all ranging from hatred to fetishizing; there are even times when it’s a mixture of the two. A “real” man is what they want. For some reason as well, a “real” man isn’t someone who takes hormones or changes their body. A “real” man isn’t someone who says they are a man, even if they don’t transition. If they don’t pass their assessments, they’re not a “real man”. But how can they be one? How do they know what a “real” man is? They call those bulky hunks in bars real men. They’ll call the men from the army real men. The men from the gym are real men. But the moment a man so much as acts, looks, sounds different or doesn’t have the “right” body, they’re fake. And to you, it’s all bullshit. No one has any right to tell someone they’re not a “real” man, especially when they themselves know nothing about you or others in the same boat.

So to suddenly see such people in his streams? You can feel yourself losing it. While you wouldn’t kill them for such a thing unless they preached or even tried to kill people for being different or “unreal”, it’s the fact that so many were actual shitbags added to it. From people who wanted to simply kill innocent people, to people wanting to do awful acts to those they hate, you can’t allow that. Spying from the rooftops and alleyways turns into watching him from his very own streams.

Your username on the streams is Gh0stFac3, read as GhostFace, is usually caught in the streams, never saying a word. You let yourself lurk while he’s online, letting out passionate rants about Gotham and some sort of “renewal plan”. You don’t necessarily watch him on these streams. You do listen though, taking down notes on his words. You do have other people to watch and kill later on, of course. Some from his streams, others from night outs. A few are even from your times at bars, hearing their nasty talking or genuine disgust about certain groups of people who’ve done nothing but live their lives.

Another name is jotted down in your notebook, a multitude of pictures clipped to the page with the target. You scratch at your neck from under the mask, sighing. It’s just another asshole really. This one is from one of Edward’s streams. From what you found out, the guy had been sending nasty messages to a coworker who rejected him. Pathetic in your case. But you can feel that itchy feeling creeping up under your skin. You’ll have to kill again soon. It’s like a drug and it makes you feel powerful in a way. From people seeing you as some dainty girl back in the day, nothing more than something to be used for bearing kids and eye candy to look at, to feeling like a man after treatment, meds, and eye-opening articles; along with blogs talking about their own experiences, you feel like you can actually feel and do the things you felt you deserved to do. The people who looked down on you or disowned you disappeared in just a blink. All you needed was time away to find yourself, who you truly are, before returning and dealing out the same amount of pain to them they forced you to go through for so many years.

You snap the notebook closed, rubbing at the face under your mask. All this thinking about how your body is, alongside was, is giving you a headache. It doesn’t help that you have more than just that man as the next victim either. You’re not sure who to choose just yet. Or, well, you do. However, all the constant thinking, together with your inner voice reminding you of all the transphobia you’ve faced thus far, is killing your mood. A snort leaves you. Killing your mood. You’re truly a riot with your own jokes.

You grab the flip phone closest to you, flicking it open. It’s a burner you picked up a bit ago. There were plenty of others but the satisfaction of snapping the phone shut after a call is enough for you to keep it around. You look at Edward’s stream; he’s still going. You give a sharp grin under your scream mask before dialling his number.

You can hear it ring from the stream. Seeing him go silent immediately is satisfying. He looks like a mouse again; a confused one at that. He starts up his rant again, seemingly going to ignore it. Narrowing your eyes, you end the call before texting him. The ding he gets is ignored. Another ding. Another. Another. His hands are shaking, eyes wide and crazed. Finally, you type in chat.

> Hello, Mouse.

The chat, usually fast, stops for a moment. They seem to notice something is off.

> Will you answer your phone?

> I’m calling.

> I’m texting you, Mouse.

People in the chat start to type, sending in a multitude of messages. Some are asking Edward if he knows you. Others are asking if you know him. You don’t answer them at all.

> Answer. I won’t stop calling.

He looks mad, grabbing his computer. “Who do you think you are? You know nothing! You’ve said nothing until now! You’re just someone trying to bring me down aren’t you?! You’re trying to destroy everything I’ve been working for to help Gotham!”

> Answer the phone, Eddie.

Everything stops. It’s like the entire chat froze as well as Edward. You know no one has any idea what his name is. The fact that you know it and suddenly type it with no hesitation only shows you know more than does. With shaking hands, he lets go of the computer and sits back in his chair. “I’m sorry everyone… But it looks like we have a leak. I’ll be making sure to get rid of the mole and that they are dealt with accordingly. I’ll host another stream next week after all of this is fixed.” His voice is eerily blank, almost like he’s bored or in shock. With those final words, the entire stream ends. You sit for a moment before calling him once more. Edwards finally picks up this time.

“Oh, Eddie… Did you really have to take that long?” The voice changer in your mask disguises your voice. From what you’ve been told by many victims before, you sound like a very attractive young man.

“Who are you?” His question, asked in a cold way, makes you hum.

“Ghostface. What about you, Eddie? Are you Edward Nashton? The Riddler? Who are you?” His breathing has changed; he’s panicked. You’ve heard that type of breathing so much that you don’t do much beside coo at him. “Don’t worry, Dear Eddie. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to destroy all that you’ve been working on. After all, you’ve changed your schedule to fit this odd thing now…” You sigh, leaning forwards in your chair. You prop your masked head on your gloved hand. “After all, you spent so much time and resources on it. It’s honestly been the most interesting thing I’ve seen in years.”

“Why are you calling, Ghostface?” He asks, wanting to get this call over with. You don’t want that though. You like how he sounds in your ear. You like how you can make his breathing change with just a few words.

“What’s Your Favourite Scary Movie, Eddie?” The teasing way you say it only adds character, or that’s what you tell yourself. You want Eddie to like you. You want him to obsess over you as he does Batman. You want him.

“I’m not playing your games!” He’s stressed, practically about to cry from the frustration. You’ve ruined his stream, teased him over the phone, and called him Eddie in front of people who don’t know his name. In his eyes, you’re out to destroy him.

“Eddie…” You feel slightly bad. You really do want him to like you and this is the only thing you had thought of. It’s clearly not working. “I like you, Eddie. You’re doing what others can’t or won’t… How about a deal?” The idea of a deal to possibly end this talk seems to get to him.

“What’s the deal, then? Or are you going to keep talking to me in circles and messing with me?”

“I wasn’t trying to mess with you. As I said before. I like you. You’re the only person who went from a possible victim to something else entirely… You should be proud! No one has ever gotten that far! Usually, I’d be in their home by now, hiding and waiting for the right moment to strike…” As you talk, it seems he’s intently listening to you with genuine intrigue. “The fighting is always hard but so, so fun. And the moment my knife meets their flesh and blood spills? It’s beautiful.” You let out a sigh, one could almost call it dreamy with how you talk about your deadly hobby. “The screams are a bit much, not going to lie there, Eddie. They’re so loud.. But the moment the life is gone from those shitbags, I can make them oh so pretty.” You’re out of your chair, pacing around your apartment. Your combat boots are heavy against the wooden floors of your home. One of your hands moves as you ramble, giving more passion despite the other man unable to see it. “A few more cuts, maybe some mutilation, a bit of stabbing.. Then I have to set them up how I want and take a few selfies. The selfies are always fun… I can send you a few if you’d like. They always turn out great, I make sure of it.”

The silence on the other end snaps you out of whatever state you had been in when talking about your hobby. You don’t hear anything, not even Edward’s breathing. Your hidden lips pull into a frown. Here you are, pouring your heart out and he’s said nothing! No congratulations. No good job. Nothing. The squeaking of your gloves is heard as you tighten your grip on the burner.

“How does this help me? How are you going to help me with some pictures of your pinned-up dead bodies?” You grit your teeth, hating this call more and more.

“I’m saying that I can be your blade, dammit! You can sit in your messy lil’ apartment, talking, coding, streaming! I’ll hunt down whoever you want! I’ll mutilate them! I’ll leave clues or riddles, I don’t care!” You’re yelling into the receiver, finally tired of listening to the man’s complaining. Taking a deep breath, you try to calm yourself. “I do all the killing and you continue doing whatever it is your doing.”

“But what are you looking for? What do you get out of it?” A hum leaves you, letting all that rage go. A nasty smirk crawls over your features.

“I get to watch you work… I love seeing you put your pretty lil’ head to use after all, Baby.” You practically purr, the distorted warmth filling you. It’s unhealthy how much you like him paired with how much you want him to like you. Unhealthy or not, you don’t care. If he can have unhealthy views and plans, so can you.

You hear the end of his line go dead, having hung up on you. You give a mocking put from behind the scream mask. Quickly, you let your thumb fly over the numbers. You snap the phone closed, happy to see that this is the start of something very exciting.

> Can’t wait to work with you, Sweetheart ;))

[muirmarie]

id love to hear about #5 and/or #11 👀 -margot

tyyyy - i answered 5 (hear thoughts) here

for #11 - one bed - oh man, so the fact that the one bed fic isn't finished yet is actually a travesty - i got side-tracked with the enemy within fic and put it down, but it's sitting pretty at ~12k, and it probably needs about....4-5k more? or so? Absolutely doable! Honestly I should just sit down and finish it, BUT it's also the most explicit fic I've ever written, so I get gun-shy about it lmao

I've talked about it on the discord, but that was months ago, now: it's McKirk to McSpirk, where McCoy knows Spock is in love with Kirk, knows they'd be good together, loves Spock as well, and wants Kirk to pursue a relationship with Spock (in a poly sense, so they'd both be dating Kirk). Kirk, meanwhile, is 100% positive that Spock is into both of them, and has been trying, lo this last month, to convince McCoy that they should both pursue Spock. McCoy, not wanting to blow up his friendship with Spock, has adamantly refused.

And then, what do you know, there's a storm, McCoy gets scratched up in some bushes and twists his ankle, they end up in some lodgings, and there is, of course, drumroll, please:

Only One Bed.

This shouldn't be a big deal. But.

But Spock and Kirk are doing their absolute damnedest to OT3 this situation.

McCoy, the idiot that I love and adore, thinks this is because Spock thinks that this is the only way Spock can get into Kirk's pants. Meanwhile Spock is doing his level best to get into McCoy's pants. I'd call it consensual dubcon, because it's specifically stated out loud multiple times that if they're making McCoy uncomfortable, all he need to do is tell them Stop, but he does say a lot of variations of if you think for one second, and there's no way I'm gonna let you, and I'm going to murder you with my bare hands. Like, they are absolutely pushing his limits, but importantly, he is allowing them to do so.

Anyway this story is like.........I mean, I don't think it's necessarily all that Much when it comes to what other ppl write, but it's a LOT for me lmaooooo, so I get soooo shy about working on it, but I really should just push through.

putting a safe for tumblr snippet under the cut

______________

“Jim, why don't you take the middle,” McCoy says, looking at the bed. It's a large bed—the inhabitants of this planet tend towards relationships that involve more than two people, and the size of the bed will easily and comfortably accommodate the three of them.

At the end of the day, though, it's still just the one bed.

“Nice try, Bones,” Kirk says, flashing a smile at him, “but I'm taking the side nearest the door, like I always do, in case there's any trouble.”

“Spock could take the side closest the door, and you could take the middle,” McCoy says. “No offense Jim, but he is stronger than you.”

“I was reminded of that from how easily he carried you up the stairs,” Kirk says, still smiling. “Although I've certainly managed to carry you to bed a few times myself.”

McCoy rubs the back of his neck, dully aware that he's probably flushing.

“I don't think Mister Spock wants the gory details.”

“If the captain carrying you is what you consider a gory detail, Doctor, I'm left to worry if I've just taken unspeakable liberties with you by carrying you myself,” Spock says, that little insufferable smirk he gets twitching at the corner of his mouth.

“Don't worry, Spock, I'll tell you when we get to the unspeakable liberties stage,” Kirk laughs.

“In that case, I'll take the side nearest the wall,” Spock says, still with that insufferable smirk.

[nkirukaj]

Fawning for You (4)

Pairing: Alastor x Voe (Fem!OC)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: ANGST (& Humor!)

Word Count: 3.9K

4. ...Baby One More Time

Voe entered the Hotel later that day.

“Hey Voe, how was it at my dad’s?”

Voe is startled but answers “I think it went pretty well,”

“That’s great, super great!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna go up to my room,”

Charlie looks around “Okay,”

Voe rushes up the stairs almost running into Alastor, who stands at the top, watching down below. “Have a nice time at Lucifer’s?”

For lack of a better term, she looked like a deer in headlights standing under his bright eyes. She says nothing, running past him, slightly brushing his arm. Alastor blinked back his confusion. Nothing? No response? Not a witty retort? No venomous insult? Who did she think she was? Alastor strolled down the rest of the stairs and approached the Princess.

“Hello there Charlie!” he greets her

Charlie looks up from her papers “Oh hi Alastor! Did you need something?”

“As a matter of fact I do, tell me, my dear, do you know the whereabouts of Voe’s trip?”

Charlie breaks into a smile “Well, it’s a bit deep, but she went to see my dad,”

He raises his eyebrow “What ever for?”

“Well that is their business, but she told me that she needed to tie up some loose ends with him. Whatever that means!” Charlie snorts with laughter

To tie up loose ends? What could that mean? Why was she seeing Lucifer anyway? This was her third time seeing him this month alone. Had she gone back to rekindle her relationship with him? Maybe to be his partner instead, to go back on her choice all those months ago and choose Lucifer this time? This absolutely would not stand. Alastor needed to know what was going on and he needed to know now.

He caught her in the hallway later that day, she was on her phone not paying attention to her surroundings and she almost ran right into him.

“Oh sorr-“ she stops when she sees that it’s him, letting out a scared bleat

“Hello my dear,” he makes his voice low and flirtatious

She just stares up at him like she’s afraid that he might eat her. Like he’s said he’d thought about it, but never decided to act on it.

“How are you today, darling?”

Voe’s heart was in danger of beating out of her chest, she stared at Alastor as he spoke to her and could only think of one thing.

Holy shit, I’m in love with Alastor.

Everything that he did reminded her of why she loved him. The way he stood, the way he dressed, the way he styled his hair, held his cane, stood on his hooves in his little heels, and his eyes. His smile was beautiful but she melted under those eyes. She felt naked under those eyes. She pulls down her sundress slightly and looks down, ignoring his question and super speeding away from him.

Interesting, he thought. Did she have something of a bad morning that day? Had she not heard him when he spoke? Though she had been looking him directly in the eyes. Had her ears suddenly stopped working? No matter, he would get her to talk eventually.

Voe opens her laptop, hitting the LIVE button on Sinstagram

“Hey y’all I’m back” 

heyyyy it’s voe theee boe

that ain’t how you spell it..dummy

YOOOO VOOOOOEEE

“Before y’all start arguing about something, I just wanna set the record straight. Apparently, people are accusing me of lying about being autistic. Saying I don’t ‘look autistic’. The only reason y’all are saying that is because I’m super hot. Autistic people can be hot, okay?”

yo i just realized cud ppl with down syndrome go to hell if they murder sumbody?

well voe is here soo

right she’s got downs

no she has autism

NO SHES AUTISTIC

riiiight 🧠

heh she said lets set the record ‘straight’

“So you guys understand though? I’m both hot and autistic, okay. Now we can move on”

has anybody tried 2 fuk the radio demon in his furry ass?

Voe bursts into laughter and dips her head down, hitting it on the desk. She comes up rubbing her forehead “Why his ass?”

idk 🤷🏽‍♀️

“Nah but I have a question for y’all. Do y’all actually think Alastor is attractive?”

lol well yeah

duh

LMAO NAH WTF

WHAT KINDA BITCH WEARS A MONOCLE??? 

yo why you logged off las time????

ILL RIDE THE SHIT OUT OF THAT DEER DICK

anyone else ship angel and alastor

“No!” she yells defensively “Absolutely not!”

why she so defensive??

yeah they woukld be hoooottt

“Gross, you guys are gross,”

she jealous cuz she ain’t gettin nun of the radio demon

again with that theory… so two months agoooooo

never been proven

yo is that rue or nah

u fuking the radio demon OR WAS LMAO

i’d still smadsh

after they spread ya secrets???

we looking at the same woman??? voe is fine af

nah he thinking wit his dick

i am female!!!!!!

“Why thank you,” she sounds flattered with a smirk

ITS HIS LOSSS HIS LOSS

he was hurt tho

HE OWNS LIKE THOUSANDS OF SOULS AWW POOR BABY

yall aint even ask her lmao

“What’s there to ask? It’s a theory. Wait, do y’all believe that? Like for real?”

ugh no 

dumb rumor

“What if I was? What then?”

were u?

y’all got ur cameras out?

“I didn’t say that it actually happened. but I’m asking what y’all would think it if was true?”

i’d be like HOLY SHIT

u guys ever heard of the theory that alastor is owned by somebody

Voe’s eyes immediately widen. She hadn’t told anyone that, how was this a theory that people had?

is the stuff vox sed true??

you no it is

no one could make me hate vox tbh

“How are you a fan of me and Vox?” she questioned

vox is daddy 

“He’s not all that,”

fym not all that?

she’s been fucking the radio and tv demon

she luv them devices

is gen z okay?

“No, Gen Z is not okay. And I mean, he’s not all that. I will admit to fucking Vox, and Velvette, and Valentino. It was an orgy.

omg yu fucked daddy??

“It was fine enough I guess? I think Velvette was the best of the bunch. DId y’all know Vox’s body is blue? Including his dick. But his heart is red, so crazy!”

the vees trade off their employees like no tomorrow

“Vox’s dick is really thin. Like he literally pulled me onto his dick”

lmao what was this live even about???? lmaoooo

“I don’t even know to be honest,” she starts laughing as she hears a knock on her door “Oooh somebody needs me so I’ll see y’all sometime later. She shuts the laptop and goes the answer the door. It’s Alastor.

Voe freezes in place, staring up into his beautiful red eyes.

“I need you to do me a favor,” she just continues to stare “Refrain from speaking about private things that took place between us in your little lives” he wiggles his fingers

Voe opens her mouth, but no words come out.

“Do not talk about me or anything we’ve done to your little followers. Do we have an understanding?” he raises his brow

She nods, slamming her mouth shut

“Hmm, you can ignore me all you like, but you will not disrespect me. Clear?”

Voe stares up at him through her lashes and pulls her lips in.

“Don’t disrespect me,” he asserts, shadowing away

He ends up in his radio station, pacing back and forth in the room. Who does she think she is? Not speaking to him. Where was the Voe that he knew? The one that would fight him? Maybe he just wasn’t doing enough. He needed to hear her voice, needed to know she cared enough to bicker, to argue, to insult him. He’d told her not to disrespect him, he’d expected her to say that she does what she wants. Had she given up on him? Was she doing these things with Lucifer instead? Alastor pulls out some strands of his hair. This was too much, he refused to stress over this. Over her. She can’t do this to him, he was tired of all her games!

“Hi Husker,” she sits down at the bar

“Hey,”

She puts her elbows up at the bar

“What can I give you? Lemonade? Apple juice?”

“Ha ha ha, Voe can’t handle hard drinks. Listen I…feel like shit, so what should I drink for that?”

Husk turns around and pours a drink of some green drink that’s bubbling and sizzling. Voe crouches down to look at it “What is that?”

“Cyanide,” he says with a straight face

She turns her eyes up “Are you deadass?”

“It’s just the name of the drink,”

“Why is it screaming?”

Husk leans on the bar counter “Hurry up, it’s better when it’s vocal,”

The drink sounds as if it contains all the souls that Alastor had torn apart

“How do I drink this?”

“Fast,”

Voe grimaces and holds the drink up to her face, it smells minty and strong. Voe pulls back and slams her eyes shut

“Come on, don’t be a baby,” he tilts the drink up and pours the liquid into her mouth.

Voe coughs and sputters at the burn of the drink down her throat. When she finishes coughing she sits up and says “Peachy,” 

Husk slams the bottle down in front of her “I’ll just leave this here,”

“Husk, Husk!”

“Hmm?”

“I just noticed that you have wings”

“Yup,”

She giggles a high-pitched giggle

“What’s going on?” Angel approaches the bar “There you are!” he says looking at Voe

“Angel!”

“Mhmm?”

“I never told you how much I love your gloves and your suit,”

He seems confused “Alright?”

“They’re pink!”

“They are,”

Voe stands and runs past him “Charlie!”

“Hey Voe!”

She grabs the Princess’s ponytail “Your hair is so blonde and so beautiful,” she puts the ponytail on her head

“Aw, thanks,”

“Can I wear this?” she rubs the ponytail on her face

Charlie thinks “Um, no it’s my hair,”

“Okay! Angel!” she drops the ponytail

“Hmm?”

“Let’s go!”

“Go where?”

She dances around him in a circle “Somewhere cool! Let’s take a picture!” She pulls him down and snaps a selfie with him, “Okay now let’s go!”

“Nope, you’re going to bed,”

Voe stands on her tip-toes “Make me!”

“Okay?” He picks her up and slings her over his shoulder

She gasps “I’m so high!” She screams in delight “Angel look!”

“Hmm?”

“It’s Alastor!” she points in his direction towards the hotel door

Angel waves at Alastor, who raises his brow and shadows away. Angel rolls his eyes and carries Voe to her room.

When he lays her down she turns to face up toward him

“Angel…”

“Hm?”

“Do you like somebody?”

He smirks “Yeah, but I’ll never tell.”

“Is it Husk?”

“I’m not telling,”

She sits up “What would you think if I said I like somebody?”

He shrugs “That ain’t none of my business toots,”

“Angel..” she whispers, “I think Alastor’s nice”

“Yeah….” Angel looks away, in disagreement

Voe rolls over “Not like a nice person, but,” she wets her lips “Like he’s pretty neat,”

“Uhuh,” he strokes her head, stopping her from standing up

“I think…I love him”

Angel’s eyes pop open and he’s not sure if he heard the doe leaning in his chest fluff correctly

“I love Alastor,” she whispered again, giggling uncontrollably “He’s the only person I’ve ever loved. I want him so bad. I love him SO MUCH!” she pulled out of his fluff to scream and Angel pulled her back in

“Does he know that?” She shakes her head smiling into the fluff

“Then maybe don’t shout loud enough for Heaven to hear?” he strokes her hair once again,”

She just giggles again, falling asleep inside his fluff and drooling,

“Eugh,” Angel says

__________________________

“I feel like someone is trying to hammer my forehead,” 

“Yeah, it’s the people in the alcohol,”

“Wait what?”

“Yeah, that drink is made with actual souls,”

She almost spits out her water “What?”

“I don’t know why Husk gave it to you, that’s Alastor’s drink,”

“I knew something was up with that drink! Like he made it? Or it’s his drink of choice?”

“Both,”

“I can’t escape him,”

They sit in silence and Angel’s eyes dart back and forth “So…. about Alastor…”

She looks up at him “What about him?”

“You all lovey dovey for him?” he smirks

Her eyes widen “What do you mean?”

“Oh, hold on,” he takes out his phone and plays a video of her screaming about loving Alastor

Voe’s face slowly turns her favorite color. She looks up at Angel “Did you show anyone this?”

“Uhhh…maybe?”

“WHO DID YOU TELL?”

He waves her off “I’m just teasing,”

“Tell no one about this,”

“Or what?” he whispers

“Angel,” she scowls “I’m serious,”

“Damn! Why, is it true?”

Voe looks away, not answering.

“Just teasing-“

“Angel,”

“Yeah?”

“It is true,”

Angel bites his lower lip “Holy shit, you and The Radio Demon,”

“Okay no, because he doesn’t love me back,”

He tilts his head “Hmm,”

“This is why this stays here, understand?”

“Hm, not gonna lie, liking the Radio Demon is a big thing,”

“I know,”

He shrugs “But who knows, looks can be deceiving,”

She lays back on her bed, placing a pillow over her head “Do I still need to breathe?”

“I don’t think so,”

“Ugh, this is the worst. Have you ever been in love?”

He ponders “Ehhh, I don’t think so,”

“Are you in love now?”

“If I were, I wouldn’t tell you drunk or sober. I know better,”

“But I tell you everything!”

“I don’t know if you know, but you’ve been named the most untrustworthy sinner,”

“Is there a poll for that?”

He shrugs “You’ve just been named it,”

“Everyone hates me,”

“Nobody hates you, just people that aren’t on your side. But we don’t hate ya!”

She rolls her eyes “Whatever,”

“Welp, I got money to make, so don’t do anything stupid,”

She puts the pillow back on her head “No promises!”

Voe takes out her phone and scrolls through social media, there are posts and memes. One with a real life doe and a moth head on the back with the words ‘V is for Voe; the FUCKING Billboard Doe’, Voe laughs, “Okay that’s kinda funny,”, she scrolls for a bit and comes across one with a screenshot of her most famous live, specifically the above sentence and under is a drawing of the Vees, sitting around her decapitated head, reading “V is for the Vees fucking BITCH”. 

She stares at the image, feeling a bit like someone punched her in the stomach and stabbed her mother at the same time. She tilts her head and screenshots the meme, opens her SinTok (now verified), and sits up to start recording a video.

“Hey guys, today I have a bit of a more sad message for you. I saw this really nasty and disgusting meme.” She pulls the meme up on green screen “This is the meme, and it is truly nasty, and I just want everyone to know that this kind of thing is really hurtful and-“ she drops her head when she lifts it her voice cracks and there are tears falling from her eyes “You guys don’t get it,” she sobs “You just don’t know what it’s like being the baddest bitch in every room you walk in. It’s a lot of pressure,” she throws her head back and laughs “No, but seriously this is some good art keep up the good work. I love the attention,” she ends the video

After Charlie’s first activity of a two-activity day, Voe and Angel are all that remain.

“I wonder when Alastor is gonna come down,” Charlie says, looking through papers

Voe’s eyes dart around apprehensively

“Voe, what’s wrong?” Charlie looks up

Angel answers instead “She would hate for him to come down,”

“Oh, why?”

“She’s in love with Alastor,” Angel spills. Voe turns to him, full of annoyance

“Angel, what the fuck?” She looks around to see if she can smell him anywhere

Charlie gasped “What?” Charlie was hugging her before she even realized what was happening. “Aww Voe! That’s so nice!”

“Ohhh, did you not want me to say anything?”

Her eyes are wide with anger “What about ‘tell this to no one’ did you not hear?”

“OH, you can’t hold that against me. I was high,” he slumps down “I’m high now,”

Vaggie is shocked and standing quite still “Wow,” is all she has to say

“You’re telling me,” Husk comments from the bar “But then again, I knew. The bartender always knows,”

“Okay Husk,” Voe sounded irritated

“People were gonna find out sooner or later,”

“They were not,”

“It’s not a big deal, now you can move on and fuck the next guy,”

Voe pushes her hair back “It’s not really that simple, we’re technically partners. And I’m in love with him,”

“Well he ain’t reciprocating toots, might as well find somebody who will,”

“I could do that,”

“You should do that, plenty of demons in Hell. I’m certain you can find one,”

Charlie pouts  “Awe, I love a love story,” 

“Sorry, but you ain’t getting one,”

“Me and Vaggie are a love story,” she pulls her close

“Well she’s a fallen angel and you’re a Hellborn,” Voe states “You’re not sinners,”

Angel leans on her “We’re here to be punished, we don’t get happy endings,” he turns to Voe “You might as well forget about Alastor toots, he’s got more important things to worry about than falling in love,”

“Gee, thanks,” 

“Anytime toots,”

“Vaggie?” Charlie looks to her girlfriend for help

Vaggie shrugs “Well, Angel isn’t wrong,”

“Yeah, I’m not wrong,”

“Honestly Voe, you might be best breaking it off,” Vaggie turns up her lip

Walking down an empty hall, Voe turned the corner to see Alastor, walking in the same direction as she. She thought about whether it would be better to just walk behind him and decided that hiding behind the corner she had turned was the best option, considering he hadn’t seen her. She carefully and silently stepped back behind the corner, backing into something solid. 

“Nice to see you, Belle” she heard from behind her. She whips around to see Alastor, towering over her. His voice sounded different, not only because it lacked his radio filter, but because it was twinged with sadness and longing. 

“But how did you-?”

“I can smell you a mile away.” He leans down grinning at her

“Oh, well um, I have to get to Charlie’s lesson! Um, bye!” She turned on her heels to escape him when he appeared in front of her again. 

“I don’t think so.”

She turns back around, Alastor seeming more annoyed each time he appeared before her. He grabs her by the wrist when she attempts to walk away once more. Then grabs the other and pins her to the wall. “This has gone on long enough. Why darling, would you ever avoid me?” He leaned down to meet her face, his lips so close that she could feel his breath. “Frankly it’s just rude. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve seen your pretty face? Heard your witty banter? Or touched your lovely skin? One of my few joys of being in Hell, and you’ve taken it from me.”

Her chest was heaving from taking in his intoxicating scent and holding a heart that felt like it might explode. 

“Well?” He spoke, waiting for a response 

“I-I’m not avoiding you.” She lies

“Do not lie to me, my dear. I do not enjoy it when people lie. Not even you.” His eyes grew dark, and Voe felt a twitch in her core. 

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why ever not?” He raises his brow

“I…” she could only focus on his proximity and his scent “Please let my arms go.” 

“Not if you’re going to leave me.”

“I promise I won’t.”

He reluctantly lets go of her arms and they continue to stare at each other before Voe carefully touches the stag’s face, to which he responds by nuzzling his cheek into her palm. She pulls him into a kiss, which he eagerly reciprocates. The kiss turns quite passionate before he picks her up and sends them to her room. 

“I missed you,” she whines to the taller demon with her face in the crook of his neck. 

“I’m right here my doe, I’m always right here.”

He places her on the bed, climbing on top of her as they continue kissing. He trails down to her neck, biting, kissing, and nibbling at her skin. And she pulls at his steadily growing antlers and hair. 

“Never leave me.” She says into his neck

“I wouldn’t dream of it, my dear.” He replies hugging her back “But what has been on your mind?”

She turns away “I…can’t tell you,”

“Oh,” he nods sarcastically “So we’re still in that phase of our relationship?”

Voe sits up “Ugh what relationship?” 

“You’re right, there is none,”

“What now you’re mad?”

“Am I not allowed to be?”

Voe looks around “Um, not really. You’ve been ignoring me,” she crosses her arms

“And you’ve been ignoring me. I think I have more of a right to ignore you, my dear,”

“Not if we’re supposed to have some sort of relationship, it can’t survive if we don’t talk to each other,”

“I agree, so maybe you should talk to me,”

She scowls “Maybe you should talk to me, I was ignoring you because you were ignoring me,”

“So what? You want me to just forget everything and just talk to you,”

She puts her head in her hands “I don’t think we should be partners anymore.”

Microphone feedback is heard as Alastor’s smile falls slightly, and his eyes open wide. He squints them and his left eye begins twitching. He stands up from the bed and turns his back to Voe. 

He laughs a dry and forced laugh. His antlers triple in size, as does his body. When he turns back around his eyes are black with red dials. His form grew monstrous, with stitches on the corners of his grin. His form hunching over due to the lack of space in the room. 

“You mean to tell me,” he begins “that you’ve ignored and avoided me for a month, only to give me a taste of you, before ending this?” His voice was slightly distorted as he grew more and more enraged. 

“I just feel like this is the best option.” She said, standing and transforming into her demon form, with claws, wings, scales, horns, and the tail of a dragon. 

“For who??” He bellowed

“Me and you!”

“How so?? How is that? Hmm, my dear?”

“Because!!”

“YOU ARE MY DOE! THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE! MINE!”

“I WANT TO BE YOURS!”

Alastor’s anger is now mixed with confusion. 

“THEN WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO LEAVE ME??”

“I-I just don’t think this is good for me,” She shrinks back down to her normal form, her voice now sad.

Alastor returns to his normal form “Fine, maybe you can be with someone who can trust you,” he dusts himself off “And maybe you won’t betray them,” and he shadows away 

[fecto-forgo]

top five evil girls go

LETS GOOOO

5.sectonia

GOD I LOVE SECTONIA i always love evil royals n egotistical girls n the way shes both n w such a tragedy of the loss of herself by the mirrors corruption of her making her seek perfection until its all in her mind.shes such a dysmorphia creature to me.rip queen fly high

4.cyn

i think cyn is by default an extremely funny character regardless of how you interpret her but i think the interpretation shes still her own consciousness but completely fine w everything the solver does bc of the horrors humans did to drones is just so fun i ADORE characters who r getting oh so silly abt revenge.also her not giving the solver access to the murder drones was sweet.but this is abt girls being evil not girls being nice so lets also say the tessa skin suit was so fucked up n fun theres no reason shed need that.ik the probabilities of this take on her being canonized in the final episode r next to none but i got told i can do wtv i want forever.also i approve of the autistic coding w her i am always begging for more evil autistic ppl <3

3.zan

ok i get.like.rly embarrassed when talking abt her outside of dms bc she means a lot to me in a personal sense but i just love her.sm.shes not only a rly fun character w her little mean nicknames n just.her.wonderful personality in general.but shes.so tragic oh my god she makes me miserable.her adoration of hyness for saving her n likely giving her a reason to live even though he ultimately never prioritized her n couldnt even afford to just move around her when she lost in the ritual place n even after he sacrificed her n her sisters after whacking them around as weapons n shields she still loves him so dearly.she just makes me so sad she deserves sm better than all this man.

that being said im giving her third place bc while i love the little evil pose at introduction n the willingness for destruction n the enthusiasm for the end of times n paradise she doesnt rly have a steak of successes.sorry girl youre a winner in my heart you literally did your absolute best n deserved that being acknowledged.also i want to murder your father.

also everytime i think abt her calling francisca n flamberge "darling franny and berge" my teeth rot its TOO sweet i can feel the cavities forming from all this sugar

also also the second star allies novels depiction of her makes me even more miserable we can already draw the conclusion she defends hyness mistreating her by how she talks abt him yOU DONT HAVE TO BREAK MY HEART BY SHOWING IT!!! N AFTER MAKING HIM EVEN MORE EXPLICITLY WORSE TOO!!!

also also also ik in star allies the sisters n susie all have that little hair flip animation but for some reason her doing it while sitting by herself in team clash deluxe is so cute to me.aw look at her :) i love her man

2.susie

as stated w cyns entry i adore revenge centered characters n the amount of atrocities susie does for all that is soooo fun.shes such a fascinating character to me.she gets sent to a dimensional hell n comes back to find the person she held onto coming back to is now the worst man alive n doesnt remember her at all.ofc the girl ends up Like That n does atrocities for her own ultimate goal of teaching him a lesson she grew up in hell where would she have gotten morals or any care for others.also shes pink n funny.rly shes the best of all worlds i hope she mechanizes meta knight again she seemed to have had fun w that :3

1.

Me 💖

bc im best girl...🩷

[writing-plurals]

for a bit of background, i have a lot of ocs who all exist together in the same universe, and im planning to turn them into animations as soon as i develop the skills for it. most of them, if not all, have some sort of childhood trauma, or at least have gone through crap as kids. this is because i love showing characters healing, and also i want to portray how different sorts of trauma can affect people and their futures.

in this universe, there are two plural characters. one of them im not struggling too much which - he isnt as developed as most of the others, but thats just because i havent had enough time for that, he does have a good story though and i feel like he'll be good rep :)

the other one, however.

they're a (paro/tulpa/trauma)genic system, depending on the watcher's interpretation. they come from an abusive family, their parents being Awful to them for as long as they can remember. they have around 5-6 headmates, though ive only focused a lot on 3, of them: their first host, a girl who formed Really early in their childhood, and Vlad. he used to act as their protector, and is also an anger holder, who can get quite aggressive sometimes. (fun fact, his name is inspired by Calma Vladimir by CDN :3 )

in the system's teens (13? or so), CPS take them out of their abusive home, and put them into a nicer one. yet, that's when Vlad's role starts becoming less useful than before, because he's still in survival mode - and out of fight or flight, he's definitely the Fight type. which will get him to act out, get into fights, break stuff... etc etc etc. the others are partially aware of this, and they let him do, because that's what they're used to ("there'll be consequences no matter what we do, why not let him have fun?", or something like that, they're all too used to their previous living situation for this ;w;)

now, in the universe, there is a pretty big... gang? mafia? criminal organization? something like that. it's directed by a man called Judas (it's not a religious reference on my side, he picked his own name and it makes sense he chose that one), who, ignoring the whole crimes thing, is a pretty great guy. he has a habit of taking in ppl going through hardships, mostly ones who are violent, and getting them to join him.

Judas has been seeing the system, mainly Vlad, for a long time. he picked up on how good at fighting they are, and how with a little bit of self-control, Vlad could make a good addition to his Whatever That Is. so one day, when they're 15, he approaches them and suggests they join him. Vlad accepts, and though it wasn't their original plan, everyone else ends up happy with it. so they move in with them, meet a bunch of people, get a found family with Judas and this one girl, yadda yadda happy ending.

besides.

the gang's main thing is killing people. they do it mostly to abusers, assholes, the ones who traumatized its members. it's like...their whole thing. which, yeah, makes sense i guess. but putting a system there feels like im pulling the whole "serial killer with multiple personality disorder" trope, which sucks ass.

they are a serial killer, they are a system, but both things just happen to be, no correlation between them. all the alters are aware of and ok with their current living situation, they'd probably pick it over any they've been in, and only bad people are dying anyways. it's not like Vlad is the only one doing that stuff, either - at the beginning he was, but not anymore.

i'll probably leave them this way, the whole storyline is already planned too, but is there any way to make it so it doesn't follow that one trope?

(pd, the other system does not join the gang, he actually escapes his shithole of a town and lives a pretty chill life with his friends. does this help separate being plural from being a criminal? since its 1/2 instead of both of them-)

I'm not sure you can actually have one not be the serial killer trope if they're literally in a murdering gang? But you are making an important balance by not having the second system be in that position. It at least makes an easier distinction between those two facts about the first system. Because theoretically, yeah! Those two things can coincide in a person, and it is possible to make an interesting story about it.

Something that that trope benefits(?) from here, is made less bad by, is that most of the times we see it in shows and movies, it's a one off, or we don't see how they got there, or it's been paired with another offensive trope (see also Split, with the body changing shape).

In the way you're framing it, it's softened by the other system being Not That, and the context as to how they got there. If it fits the characters, some remorse that it's part of their otherwise better life helps? But that's up to if you think that's something that would fit them.

I hope that was helpful

-Mod Tick Tock

[seafearing]

i love that i asked strangers to decide which movie i'll watch. this is the most grossed out i've been by a movie narrative in a good while lmao. i chose it as an option though so my bad. here's my review:

käsky (the order) is an extremely convoluted story about the finnish civil war with a warped narrative. it simply floors me how much it reads like propaganda when it's 100+ years since the civil war ended. this has spoilers but i don't recommend you ever watch this movie so.

some basic info first: finland was the grand duchy of russia until imperial russia collapsed and the power vacuum led into the civil war in 1918 crudely said, the civil war was fought between the whites (german/swedish influenced, more skewed towards landowners/richer ppl) and the reds (russian influenced, more skewed towards workers/poor people). the whites won. it was a very bloody civil war, over in 4 months with 38k dead, 32.5k of them reds, 22.5k of whom died after the war in executions and poor prison camp conditions. the prison camps have been called concentration camps and also housed red women and children (1.5k kids to be exact, 20 of whom were executed).

the reds had about 2k female fighters in their number, and this movie purports to tell us the story of one beautiful red female fighter. only, she mostly appears in the story to get continuously raped. when she's not raped, she's often naked. very little is told of her beliefs/reasons to join the war. the other female characters are slaughtered/raped early on.

the actual protagonist of the movie is a white soldier. and i should really say pure white. he's the "everyman" character that we're supposed to latch onto. he has joined the war, but he has strong morals and convictions and he Won't do bad things, unlike all those other white soldiers who executed 10k reds in the camps in reality. but we're not telling their stories: we're telling the story of this one special white soldier.

he falls in love with the beautiful female red prisoner, doesn't rape her, and then tries to save her. he goes so far as to save her friend's son, who is at a farm, where the poor family hates the kid and is alcoholic and violent. he saves him instead of bringing this child connected to the reds to the prison camp, like all the other white soldiers did to 1.5k children in reality.

and instead of executing this beautiful red prisoner, he sacrifices himself to her in two ways: first by letting the gay white villain rape him, and then dying for her so she can escape. and so he dies as a martyr, Good and unlike all those other white soldiers, who are the caticateur villains of the story.

of these caricateur villains, the main one is gay, because why not. the movie purports that the gay villain thinks the Good white soldier is gay as well because he doesn't rape women. all the other white soldiers are drunk rapists, there just to murder and rape.

what the movie could have done is tell actual stories of the red women participating in the war. instead of this crude division on the white side to good/bad guys, it could have shown those grey layers in the characters. war makes "everyday" people do terrible things, civil war makes them butcher each other.

the film goes to great narrative lengths to martyrise the very people who did actually fucking kill 22.5k people after they had already won the bloody war. it points to the good white soldier and says: see, he was so pure, so good. we weren't all bad.

just. what the actual fuck lol. i guess this proves we still can't be even vaguely normal about the civil war.

[thegenvyisreal]

Good Omens Season 2 Episode 6 Thoughts (for real this time)

Let's just take this chronologically so I can lose my mind at the end.

Crowley in heaven! What a dork! He looks lovely I hope SO MANY PPL cosplay him.

OKAY. OKAY LISTEN. I know we never got Crowley's angelic name but that demon was a SERAPH I WILL NOT BE TAKING QUESTIONS. I AM A RAPHAEL!CROWLEY TRUTHER AND WILL BE SO UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE.

He's so powerful! Someone on here pointed out that when Gabriel in the recording said he was the only supreme (or level 1 or something?) archangel in heaven it panned immediately to Crowley. MY MAN. MY GIRL. CROWLEY IS SO IMPORTANT!!

Throwing encyclopedias at the demons and Aziraphale wincing, boy I feel you.

And shax made fun of Zira for liking food?? Okay fat shamer! Get fucked!

Wartime Halo Demon Bomb?? Great band name.

Crowley defusing a war with just saying "no, bad, do NOT"? The power he has!!

OMG

INEFFABLE

BUREAUCRACY

First of all, I THOUGHT the fly was a Beelzebub thing! I just didn't think it had Gabriel's memories in it.

Their little love story was cute, but explain to me HOW we were supposed to deduce why the jukebox is the way it is or WHY Gabe lost his memories without the Bureaucracy exposition??? NEIL YOU WANTED US TO FIGURE IT OUT BUT HOW???

Good for them for going off together but it's just so SILLY how THEY get to have that and our duo DON'T. I do not like it.

Okay. Let's get on with it.

So I DON'T get my angsty finale, but I do get something INFINITELY WORSE.

Maggie and Nina coming to Crowley to tell him what's up. Good for them!

Nina calling Maggie Angel I ALMOST FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR

Hell yes Derek Jacobi you're so lovely but I want to punch the Metatron in the FACE.

Why on earth would you get Zira THAT coffee?? He doesn't drink coffee!! Is this some power trip?? Is there SOMETHING IN THE COFFEE???

Aziraphale. Sweetie. Darling. Dear boy. You're so STUPID.

Crowley being like, I need to tell you this right now or I may never be able to say it. And Zira like, hold that thought! YOU RUDE LITTLE BITCH LET HIM SPEAK.

Aziraphale. WHY. WHY DO YOU INSIST THAT HEAVEN IS SO WONDERFUL AND GOOD!!! THEY SUCK!! THEY HURT PEOPLE!! YOU LITERALLY LIED TO THEM ABOUT JOB'S KIDS CUZ YOU KNEW THEY WERE WRONG!! WHY DO YOU KEEP DEFENDING THEM!!

Crowley confessing. Begging Aziraphale not to do this. Aziraphale not understanding why Crowley WOULDN'T want to do this. ZIRA AFTER EVERYTHING CROWLEY'S BEEN THRU YOU WANT HIM TO GO BACK TO HIS ABUSIVE FAMILY???

The kiss.

My heart shattered.

I've been waiting for this moment for over a month, and I got it in the WORST POSSIBLE WAY. Crowley's desperation, Aziraphale not knowing how to react. Not reacting at all. Crowley kissed him and he just stood there.

Sidebar: I KNOW that Aziraphale KNOWS that he's in love with Crowley. He KNEW in 1941. You dumbass. You imbecile. You fucker. Why.

"I forgive you".

LITERALLY MURDER ME

I want to understand him. I am Aziraphale-coded for sure. But I guess I'm also Crowley-coded?? Idk what to do with my feelings.

The WAY he SAYS the line. The ACTING from Michael. Bravo bb. THE WAY. HE SAYS IT. MY HEART IS ALREADY TORN OUT AND NOW YOU PUT IT THRU A MEAT GRINDER.

Excuse me Zira I have one question:

WHAT.

ON EARTH.

DOES HE NEED TO BE FORGIVEN FOR.

YOU ABSOLUTE TWAT.

I'm gonna commit multiple crimes.

Crowley just standing there HEARTBROKEN. He LOVES THAT ANGEL SO MUCH. HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM. I'M GONNA MCFUCKING LOSE IT.

And he just walks out. And Aziraphale looks just as broken. I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

And after EVERYTHING. Crowley still waits by his car. Waits to see if Aziraphale will come to his senses and come back for him. But he doesn't. Zira even LOOKS BACK AT HIM before going into the elevator. How DARE you. How FUCKING DARE YOU YOU COWARD.

And you know??? You know what really gets to me?? You know what really cooks my noodle?? Besides the "I forgive you"???

Aziraphale's face journey in the elevator. How it lands, at the end, on a horrific smile. Bless Michael's acting skills cuz that is a horrible smile.

And Crowley just feels nothing. Completely broken. Like all of us.

I get it. I GET THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE PARALLELS. @sycophantastic pointed it out, that it's a 3-act structure, and I know this is the "dark night of the soul" portion of the hero's journey. I GET. IT. I still hate it.

It took me forever to get to sleep last night. Like an hour and a half. Cuz my brain wouldn't shut up. And I dreamt about them. And it was awful and sad. And NOW we're going to a friend's house to watch the whole thing with her for the first time. Again. I have to endure this again.

I need QUITE EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL.

[auspex]

fuck it discord rant with no context (feel free to ask for context) about my last session

AAAAAAAAa

ok little context: mark and cassidy driving home from mission where the anarch party they were investigating got raided by camarilla so they have to take the long way home. also, mark juts got a text from sampson that they need to talk. otherwise good luck making sense of this if u havent heard mark rants before.

-

Mark learned: -Cassidy turned in 1853 california -loves older western movies, NOT spaghetti westerns except once upon a time in th west -loves detective novels; steven king -has larger goals that he doesnt want to say due to mark's sire having a short leash on him lol -guessed mark was about 5 years dead, mark told him it was less than a year. cassidy was pretty surprised lol -cassidy asked marks goals and what he wanted. mark talked abt goals of stability, and knowing whats going on in the city. talked around it but basically said he also wanted someone he felt he could actually talk to T_T This is what inspired lighter covnersation abtmovies and books -cassidy invited him to WATCH A MOVIE W HIM AT THE CINEMA LOVE WINS (NOT A DATE FOR SURE UNLESS?) -

Now its time to talk to sampson on the next night

due to something julius did mark has to shelter some anarchs in the sewers on his territory. he made it clear the SEWERS only. theyve been moving in.

anyway marks goes to the bar. theres some sketchy ppl outside .oh god. anarchs not listening to directions? THATS CRAZY. Anyway the bar is closed early. it has blinds. many locks. sampson lets mark in and is like. dude. wtf are these people around. ive been seeing htem around and we figured out they were vampires and you said htis place would be safe?? i cant keep doing this???

he's like i know its not all always your fault or things happen in spite of you but what am i supposed to do? i cant live like this again? what am i supposed to do?? And marks just like look anarchs have been moving in city wide ill deal with this and . sampson presses and hes like deal with them how. and marks like IDK kick them out? kill th- and sampsons like YES KILL THEM you killed that one random person cant you kill kindred on your territory?

like OOF that 1 ONE murder lives in his head dsakjfsfdkjds

he's crying, also, ends up saying 'after all this i dont want to talk to you again, i know you bring me stuff to keep me alive' and then be breaks down MORE like REALLY sobbing

so mark gives him a little time to compose himself. then gets all cold and is basically like. so be it. ill still have to see you monthly, but we can try to limit it. but then sampsons like. "I dont know. I just. dont know what to do. i cant sleep with these guys out there all the time" and mark is like "do you want me to deal with them right now?" and smaspons like "yes" so. mark leaves to deal with them!

he grabs piece of shit tony who is supposed to be helping manage this territory. tony says the guys claimed he invited him there, so mark has to explain how they are allowed in the sewers but no where else. and that he wants the three in front of the plaza dealt with Tonight. they work out a deal. tony drives around collecting ghouls and plays this song.

the ghouls are wearing ski masks and have various weapons. he assigns them an order. and turns up the music and they start FUCKING those guys up. first guy modified his glock to be semi automatic? one gets downed immedaitely. 3 other ghouls approach with melee weapons. one gets killed sadly but all the kindred who were loitering by the bar get torpored in short order. Tony is pissed and yells at a corpse about whose gonna pay to replace his ghoul? Ooffff. but yeah mission done. tony says to mark to get out of his car.

He does so. returns to bar. SESSIONEND

SESSION END!

THEY WERE ABOUT TO GET TO TALK! im sure they are shook by the Incredible Violence outside but whatever

DSLKFJDSLFSD

[mejomonster]

I’m relieved to find out when i finish case 3 in silent reading the translation still has a part 4 AND extras ToT

like god i admire priest SO much. i think in many ways the writing choices in silent reading are SO ballsy. especially now that i know what publishers push toward regarding standard/norms look like all other novels don't deviate dont be brave or unique. like i know priest self published online THEN gets a print deal but like. to decide you as a public commented on author with a HUGE following where ppl buy your chapters? is gonna write THIS? 

its brave i think. its brave to trust an audience to read 77 chapters of truly fucked up crime story thats main point IS TO critique the world and justice and human nature. before you get into the romance danmei readers most wanted. to make readers both feel bad for and terrified of a little girl. to remind readers every poor immigrant with a bad life who dies is a TRAGEDY and a horrible loss that society has too much allowed. to remind readers that the justice system fails to bring many people closure or help. 

(babes below the cut turned into a MEGA meta on zhoudu and their completely different views on the world)

and THEN of course the LEADS priest decides to write arcs for in this. its ballsy to write a lead the other lead thinks might be capable of being a killer. to write a man objectively with as many red flags as. fei du as THE lead. like? think of 2ha and the people who hate mo ran too much to try it even just hearing of mo ran lol. fei du objectively in some ways is HARDER to empathize with and view as 'an ordinary relatable man'. mo ran when you take that hes been abused is mainly just a kid who wanted to help people typical xianxia hero style and gain power for revenge on REALLY cruel people in a really cruel Fucked up world he lives in thats painted as so much worse than our real earth world. 

fei du? well he outwardly is pretty so i guess like the strangers he meets people tolerate that. but the little we get of our past lets us know he killed animals with his hands (and again its as BRAVE a writing choice as the lead in kdrama Flower of Evil who’s raised by a serial killer and trained to be like him and unable to empathize with others and he fights so HARD to be a good person but he’s no one’s definition of a safe guy to trust - but somehow he met his wife and had a daughter and loves them so dearly and he IS and has always been a good man and good kid who went through awful stuff because people were afraid of his inability to emotionally connect and his abused background). Fei du is like HIM. Fei Du self harms to an intense degree, trying to curb impulses trained in him from a young age and a natural propensity mixed with a raising teaching him and Hammering into him that death is the only absolute to feel comfort in. He could’ve become a murderer, an abuser, in the sense of his father pushing him toward it and so many things could’ve affected it - like luo wenzhou simply being not there. Fei du is fighting before anything else, himself and his own fears about himself and who he is and who he even wants to be ultimately. Mo Ran gets cursed and becomes an evil emperor, and without that was a brute revenge okay-with man (and a black lotus trope so honestly more tolerable as a violent rage fest reading-norm wise). But fei du? is just an ordinary modern man working in an office who thinks it would be nice to choke someone and watch them break down hopeless. Who’s probably felt and thought everything su luozhan did (now i’m losing track... there’s things to be said for mo ran and his abuse making him cruel and lash out like fei du and su luozhan too...but moving on for now). fei du is a realistic ‘monster.’ or an almost one. he’s a man who if taken for all he is, much of society would want removed and taken away, or see as an inevitable evil of a rich man who can’t be stopped by most. he’s like Flower of Evil’s lead and the bad rich kid who lashed out and killed people, combined into one. 

priest makes him understandable, because priest is amazing at writing very good characters and depicting them and showing their nuances and evolution. and also because luo wenzhou loves him unconditionally. luo wenzhou chooses to love the hurting child, and in doing so comes to see fei du for all the multitudes of value he has as a person, for the treasure he is in ALL of himself with the bad and the good as a whole. (sort of like Flower of Evil main characters sister always loved him and saw him as her little brother needlessly hurt by the world, or the wife who eventually realized the man she loved was part of it and is real its just hes more than she knew before - luo wenzhou is both in one). and because luo wenzhou can see him, all of him, and love and appreciate all of it even EVEN when it horrifies him? even when he thinks and knows its beyond the scope of acceptable or normal, even when he’s hearing fei du lose himself in a viewpoint of the world that is so FAR from luo wenzhous ability to understand or view it. luo wenzhou STILL thinks - how do i reach out so we connect and meet halfway, even if i have to wade into that dark and try to understand, even if i have to explain the regular world like its fantastically rare and incomprehensible to him until he gets how other people like me feel. luo wenzhou thinks: no matter who he is, in fact with ALL of who he is, i’m going to go up to fei du and connect to him, we are going to eat and be okay, we are going to carve out a life together and feel whole and safe and connected there. and so for all fei du is, when we are given luo wenzhou’s fathomless endless care for him it’s impossible not to also open our hearts to fei du. to assume no matter how different he is from us or feels things, or how inhuman or whatever, he’s a an amazing individual and worthy of being understood and accepted into our care too. because luo wenzhou’s viewpoint is hard to fight. even if we think luo wenzhou were wrong, if we didn’t get sucked in, we can’t fight the fact luo wenzhou unconditionally feels this and it won’t change, it will drive the story. 

there’s the choice priest made, to make an ‘ordinary’ enough hero of a story (a policeman - legal official solving crimes - who is almost superhero like in his original desire to help people and bring justice, who still ignores wounds and tries to be Larger than Life and do More than the average man, trying to save even with his very real human faults of a nepotism parentage and a short temper in his youth and a naivety he had to lose). he’s old but not jaded, he’s realistic and skilled now but still driven to give out justice, still hurts in his heart when he can’t help someone enough. and it all kicks off with a kid named fei du, and luo wenzhou wanting to heroically bring him justice and closure and save him like Superhero savior of the Cosmos young luo wenzhou did... and failing. failing. failing and having the realization he WILL fail people, legal justice is sometimes impossible or has dead ends and horrible things happen with no resolution and no one saved, and still wanting to care about fei du, wanting to do his best to help him even when it will Never ever be enough. Fei du will NEVER be saved. can not be saved. the damage has already been done (and after the basement scene, luo wenzhou realizes even into adulthood, even once fei du’s dad was in a coma, luo wenzhou still couldn’t even protect fei du from Himself, yet another way luo wenzhou can never be that Cosmic Superhero, not even that local guardian to one single boy, he loves fei du unconditionally and that does NOT mean he’ll ever be enough to protect him or undo the damage). 

but luo wenzhou tries anyway. and its in that trying, that is so worth it. it’s not the outcome, its the act of trying, the ‘ceremony’ and how it means he cares. how it means he views fei du as worthy of it (and he really views by extension so MANY worthy of it who he also can or can’t help to varying degrees, and it rubbed off on fei du, because now hes the kind of man who also finds it awful a poor young man named He zhongyi dies and is willing to go to any lengths to try and get justice for him, for any particular person). Anyway, the point is luo wenzhou is an understandable hero typical of his story type. His heroics are the super-detectives who want to save everyone, his failings are the cops like Lee Dong Sik in Beyond Evil who take their small tasks seriously and are aware they may never save their world or Do Enough and justice can fail but they’re still making Their Choices every day, their baggage and damage and aged lessons coming along. He is an ordinary enough choice for a lead. His most remarkable trait in my mind, that makes him stand out, is his decision once upon a time to care about fei du unconditionally. its a choice a parent makes when they adopt, a bodyguard makes in a fantasy tale when they decide to dedicate their life to their ruler, in a realism grounded story like Silent Reading real life red flags just usually keep such a decision from being made.

Take Flower of Evil - its normal for the wife to be suspicious her husband is a killer and investigate it before ultimately picking his side. Take Beyond Evil - Juwon is younger and has fucked up, but Lee Dong Sik makes fucked decisions he doesn’t expect of the younger, makes the choice to cross lines he feels the younger shouldn’t and maybe no one should but he’s too far gone to quit his path now. Luo Wenzhou sees fei du, the teenager, making death threats and you can’t abandon your own kid. But it’s not his kid, its a stranger like su luozhan who’s killed something, lashing out and feeling unlike other humans and without any real parent who gave them unconditional love (maybe fei du had his mom once a week when she was alive but with health issues and spousal issues and dad’s nonstop threat of a presence on them, fei du was not getting that secure unconditional love environment). its a stranger completely, and luo wenzhou just decides to love him anyway. 

So why’s he a brave writing choice? to use a character like luo wenzhou who does decide to love someone like that unconditionally. before the romance even starts. he’s not fei du’s family, he’s not fei du’s mentor until he Chooses to be, he’s not fei du’s lover when he makes the decision or long time spouse (like in Flower of Evil), he’s not a man who’s got enough shared experiences to understand fei du’s perspective (in fact it terrifies luo wenzhou the gulf there is between each other’s experience and view of the world). but luo wenzhou, the man that he is, chooses to love fei du unconditionally. 

it makes sense for his character of course, because priest is good at writing characters. while luo wenzhou fits the relative norm for his genre, it also makes sense his particular life leads him to a choice i rarely see in these stories. He’s an idealistic naive rash ‘hero’ rookie cop. He sees a child cope with the death of his mom and his world shatter, look at him with an intense resolve that BEGS Luo Wenzhou to BE the hero that can give fei du justice. Luo Wenzhou, the rookie who think himself Hero of the Galaxy, has been dealing with petty crime and this is one of (or possibly the FIRST) time anyone has given him the responsibility and Ability to attempt to serve justice on this scale. This is his first opportunity to SOLVE a possible murder, GIVE someone closure, and truly change their life on such a scale. Of course heroic-dreaming Luo Wenzhou, thinking himself important and inhumanly capable of anything to help someone, takes up that look fei du gives him and decides “then I will give you the justice you need. I will resolve this for you.” A character like him? what other choice would he make.

And fei du is both the first time the world gives him the chance to be the Big Hero Savior he wanted to be, and the reality check that he can NOT be that Hero. That such a heroic feat is impossible, is unreasonable, is not something anyone will be able to live up to forever without fail - especially him, who turns out is lacking much of what he needs to succeed. But even if he had ALL the tools to succeed: even if Luo Wenzhou had ALREADY been a Captain, with rich influential and politically powerful allies, and had been able to legally adopt fei du and take actual political action against fei du’s dad? Even if he HAD all that, luo wenzhou would not have been able to save fei du - from the pain of his childhood, from the loss of his mom, the mystery was too hard to be solved at the time (or luo wenzhou of stubbornness i believe would’ve found a way to solve it), or from fei du’s own self hatred and self harm (just given how privately fei du keeps part of himself - he kept so much from luo wenzhou and probably always would’ve). 

So even with everything, Luo Wenzhou would’ve failed. And at least failing then, as a rookie, he learned he WASN’T superman, he wasn’t infailable and Enough to save people inherently, and took the experience that he’d have to WORK and struggle and fight every single TIME to truly try and save people with him as he was promoted and gained power. That failure made him a better savior for future victims he’d help: because he’d be self aware that failure was possible, and helping others was going to be a struggle and require All his dedication every time, and is never a guarantee. 

Luo Wenzhou picking fei du changed their lives. He failed fei du (and always would have) and in doing so it made him a better person to help people moving forward. and in the moment he chose to try and save fei du, an impossible thing with no Real Guarantee (as Luo Wenzhou would learn later and not ever promise so freely with certainty again), fei du DID see him as a savior. As a hope. As the first guardian angel in his life, the first belief that ANYONE outside of himself could help him. Could fix anything in his life - could explain why his mom who loved him would choose to leave him, could explain if it was his own fault for not loving her ‘enough’ or being too monstrous or if it was someone else’s fault, who could take his father to justice for the awful things he’d done when to fei du his father was the god of his world able to kill and do anything and make fei du do Anything no matter how awful. For the first time, fei du truly had a hope in something able to HELP him. And Luo Wenzhou failed. And fei du experienced both a temporary believe in the kind of “justice is served to the evil, help is provided to the innocent” that children usually simplistically learn at first but he never did (because his father didn’t teach him that but that the predators do what they want). and then experienced a cold harsh horrible shock that it WAS a lie, that the person telling him to believe it - luo wenzhou - was wrong. that fei du’s view of the world was “correct” and the false hero he’d believed in, luo wenzhou, was a fool who believed falsehoods and couldn’t do anything real. that no one Could help fei du. 

and yet. despite all that. despite that failure shaping them both. it also tied them together. for all luo wenzhou failed, he still decided Inexplicably to be responsible for it. Instead of taking the loss, he went on to keep helping fei du. Caring. With Tao Ran as a contrast, its clear how excessive those actions were compared to the norm. Luo Wenzhou dragged Tao Ran into helping him take Fei Du after school, so fei du was rarely left alone in an empty house, into taking him out for food so he’d eat when the help at his house didn’t cook, these are all the acts of a godfather or a makeshift caretaker. They’re more than a responsible police officer should’ve ever gotten involved in a victim’s life - the most luo wenzhou should’ve appropriately done, was maybe call child services and insist and fight that no matter ‘how rich older master fei was’ the child still was in an enviornment that needs either an after school program for some socialization and social support, or a caretaker to move in, or if at all possible to get to live with a different guardian. But Luo wenzhou, knowing what’s appropriate, couldn’t abandon that ‘idealic heroic’ persona he learned failed and was unrealistic, still trying adamantly to be it for fei du. Even failure after failure. He would’ve adopted fei du probably, possibly, if the person he’d been fighting for custody against hadn’t been so filthy rich he’d have never had a chance. (never mind the legal issues im sure would keep him from getting custody, but the intent was there). He took fei du in as much as possible for their circumstances, then expanded that to full on parenting. To checking fei du’s report cards, to making sure he ate right, to checking on his healthcare, to commenting on his dating life as he grew up into a playboy partier, to insisting he pick a career, to worrying how he adjusted when his dad died and he had to take the business, to giving him gifts for birthdays and just cause (both secretly and also full on remembering his birthday when others didn’t), to the simpleness of scolding fei du like a regular teen caught cursing when he’d threaten violent, the simpleness of taking the Extreme-ness of fei du’s worse personality moments and simply saying ‘well whatever fucked up stuff you did or want to do, come sit down and have dinner, come on and join me.’ i care about you. lets eat. i accept you into our little family of two no matter what, and every meal is a ceremony reminding you this is permanent and secure and always here for you. 

luo wenzhou can’t save fei du as a child, can’t save him as an adult from himsel, can’t save him throughout of a great many deal awful things. but he can give him a safe stable eternal home in the both of them, that is always ALWAYS there. always opening it’s doors, always mobile and coming to fei du when he feels isolated and abandoned and like he doesn’t even belong to the same world, it exists everywhere. it’s his. its a thing he never had before luo wenzhou. but it exists now. and it is THAT which luo wenzhou can provide. 

He can’t save fei du from the many horrors of the world, from the monsters within himself. But he can give fei du a home that exists no matter what horrors exist or happen, a home that fei du will always belong IN no matter how monstrous he is, no matter what he’s done or what happens. 

Maybe once upon a time the end of the week with his mom, had been the closest fei du had to that kind of ‘home.’ Some safe place where he was loved even with everything different about him, with the fucked up views his dad pressed on him, with the way he felt different from others and uncomprehending of the world. His mom, fleetingly, would be there with the house made ready for him, would be happy to see him and simply be with him. 

Luo Wenzhou carved out a home for him after that, when he lost that, and made it permanent. It exists nonstop, always, whenever fei du is with luo wenzhou. waiting for fei du when they’re apart, always open for him to return. 

wow i got distracted in zhoudu dynamic stuff lol. back to whatever the point was... priest writing brave. so. while i love all of zhoudu’s very grey area roles filled up and overlapping dynamic. i think the above portion explains well WHY it makes sense for them. Why their dynamic makes sense it would happen, from luo wenzhou’s perspective. why luo wenzhou would choose to do it, and how it would end with him and fei du connecting deeply. 

Because that’s the kind of man luo wenzhou is and that’s where he was in his life, in the perfect place to make 1 single heroic Ideal decision and fail, but still feel too attached to actually quit and cut his losses. He could never cut the loss that was ‘failing fei du.’ he had to keep providing the only consolation he could, a home for fei du, even if he could provide nothing more. To Luo Wenzhou he will always be Fei Du’s very mortal and flawed Guardian Angel who couldn’t move heaven to save him or help him, but still took the job as his life’s work. And to Fei Du he will always be that very mortal Guardian Angel who lied that he was Strong enough when he wasn’t, when angels don’t exist and he was just a man, when justice doesn’t exist only this lying flawed incapable Luo Wenzhou trying to act like there is still justice. But to Fei Du, flaws and all, it’s still his Guardian Angel despite it all. In his world there are no angels, no true heroes. But this person is trying to be one, in Fei Du’s fucked up world where none exist, anyway. Luo Wenzhou is still trying to be one for him. And that’s worth something because it has MEANING, the choice to try to be an angel in a world with NONE means something, its the effort that counts. It’s the ceremony of doing it, the act, that means everything. (As luo wenzhou’s final lines in i think chapter ~79 hammer home).

Their dynamic makes sense, for them. Of course it’s where they’d end up, how they’d develop. How they’d get so enmeshed and close and Bigger Than People to each other (both symbolic Roles to each other while being gravely aware their symbol is actually just a flawed human who will never live up to it). To Fei Du, Luo Wenzhou will always be a Guardian Angel and that IS just a weak human who will fail the job. To Luo Wenzhou, Fei Du will always be his charge to Save, even though saving him is impossible, even though he’s failed for 7 years, even though fei du will never let him and both of them are More Than Aware this mission is impossible. Luo Wenzhou knows fei du is not a charge, was never one - or only one for the first time until Luo Wenzhou first failed. 

Fei Du is a grown man who has done bad things, horrible things to himself, who views the world so differently from Luo Wenzhou his morality might not even be able to compare with his, who is a man he can’t fully understand but tries to reach out any try to anyway. Every single time. What a brave choice. To be commited to unconditionally loving someone and trying to understand them, even painfully knowing you never will. We may truly never be able to understand another person completely. But in these two’s case, they truly have such different internal worlds, it is a painful point for them both that they really never will exist in the other’s world and grasp it fully. 

Fei Du is brave too. He knows Luo Wenzhou is an ordinary man, who belongs to the world most people understand and accept as reality. He knows he’ll never understand Luo Wenzhou, will always see some of Luo Wenzhou’s beliefs as lies or falsehoods most people seem to believe or assume or operate based on that Fei Du will never ever understand or connect to or operate under unless he tries very hard to force himself to act unnaturally. In a way, it is like an Angel loving a Demon. In reality they both realize they’re not an angel and devil - Luo Wenzhou realizes he’s painfully human and incapable, Fei Du doesn’t see himself as a demon he just thinks all humans are truly this way or walking-corpses unaware of it and Luo Wenzhou is another deluded soul lying to himself or simply way too uncomprehending to ever see the ‘truth’ of the world the way Fei Du is Only capable of seeing it. But Fei Du sees his own awareness as monstrous, in that it makes him a monster to those ordinary people and their entire world framework. And yet to Luo Wenzhou, he’s not a monster for it, just another flawed imperfect person like Luo Wenzhou is. They put themselves into the Roles of Angel and Demon, while knowing its partly untrue but unable to stop living that way when it comes to each other. Fei Du can’t help seeing Luo Wenzhou as an angel, in the warped way he’d view one in his world - a deluded hero who’s incapable, but still the closest thing to any angel in Fei Du’s world could exist. Fei Du can’t help seeing himself as a Demon, even though it’s normal to him he can’t shake the awareness its how he’d be in Luo Wenzhou (ordinary people’s) framework of the world. And then they meet in the middle somehow. And somehow even existing in different realities cause they perceive the world SO differently, Fei Du somehow catches a glimpse of himself in Luo Wenzhou’s worldviews: an innocent. An ordinary man. Not a demon, not even different from others. But someone who could and DOES exist in Luo Wenzhou’s world where people who are hurt deserve justice and people attempt to give them it, where cruelty is not the norm and not comprehensible to the masses. Fei Du isn’t compatible with that world - he’s not comprehensible to them. But somehow Luo Wenzhou can look at him, and place fei du into that world. And for the moment they’re together Fei Du EXISTS in both worlds. Is brought into the world outside his, that he can’t be part of or relate to or understand, and see as if he’s like Luo Wenzhou almost. And he wants to be one of the people providing justice to those who are harmed, one of the people who views cruelty outside of the norm and combats it. Could he do this, view things this way, if Luo Wenzhou didn’t connect their worlds by being connected to Fei Du?

And in contrast, in Fei Du’s world the cruelty is the norm, there is no one innocent only those harmed and those self aware enough they also cause it. There is no justice, only an attempt of power and control until the inevitable death. People like Luo Wenzhou cannot exist. In Fei Du’s mind, people like Luo Wenzhou can at most only be struggling helplessly against nature, hurting themselves by prodding other violent people, giving no justice because there’s no way to give it, just struggling to fight for an outcome that is impossible to provide. But because its Luo Wenzhou, Fei Du’s worldview shifts to accomodate him: Luo Wenzhou is a pathetic man fighting for an outcome that can never occur... but he keeps trying anyway. And because he’s Fei Du’s personal angel, even though angels can’t exist here in fei du’s view of the world? Fei Du almost wants to believe maybe there’s worthiness in someone trying anyway. To be like an angel. To do what nothing in his world does, want what can’t be achieved in his view of the world. And that’s where their worlds connect. Where Fei Du’s world connects to Luo Wenzhou’s and lets a sliver of Luo Wenzhou into his as something Possible. And is that why Fei Du wades into the water of doing work like Luo Wenzhou? Is that why he cares when a son dies and leaves a mom behind. In his world to care is illogical and pointless and has no use. But Luo Wenzhou IS in Fei Du’s world, and he cares. So Fei Du feels like... maybe he’ll care too, even if it is useless. He’ll let himself care still, like Luo Wenzhou cares. 

There is use in the ACT of caring. Even if it changes nothing. There is worth in the act of caring, even if it fails to save anyone or stop harm. Is that one of the themes of Silent Reading I wonder... its certainly a theme of these two’s relationship.

It’s the point of Luo Wenzhou trying to explain to Fei Du what their connection is. It’s the connection of their worlds - Luo Wenzhou in our usually normally accepted one, and Fei Du in his hopeless one. It’s also the connecting point of their personalities - through knowing each other they’ve both developed a level of caring. Caring despite finding it cannot save, cannot stop the awful things that have happened and will later. 

And so we get to a point where Fei Du cares about Luo Wenzhou, even though Wenzhou failed him and still does. Even though Luo Wenzhou will never fully understand him or the world he exists in. 

I never realized just how wholly separate their concepts of the worlds they exist in were till I wrote this damn. 

>>I keep losing the point in zhoudu meta lmao. Anyway back to priest. What I am impressed by (among many things), is priest writes that kind of dynamic as mentioned above. The ‘normal ordinary hero’ type Luo Wenzhou who can never connect to the kind of person/world Fei Du exists in, and vice versa. But somehow they meet halfway and see through the keyhole of the other person’s world anyway. Take one step in, while still being unable to enter the other’s world and abandon their own. It’s impossible. But it is. Because they choose to do it, no matter how impossible it is. 

And its this relationship that outside on paper on some novel summary is the tags idk older/younger, rich/gruff, cruel/heroic whatever. When I walked in once upon a time, with the impression from a tagged summary it was going to be a cold genuis with a fascination for analysing cruelty, and a heroic gruff type combatting him and helping him ‘grow a heart’ I did not expect this kind of deep relationship dynamic i actually got. I didn’t expect a relationship that’s part caretaker/child, part opponents striving to fight yet it’s to connect their irreconcilable worlds, part lovers who were already closer than usual lovers before the romance even enters the picture. I didn’t expect 7 years of failing each other, but still being unconditional care there. Fei Du is not just a ‘cold genius’ he’s given the traits of a man from a world where he sees himself as the ordinary monster of it, and he will never ‘grow a heart’ and come to see the world like Luo Wenzhou (I’m 70% through the novel but i don’t think he will). And Luo Wenzhou for all his physical actions is not a gruff man with a ‘warm heart’ a la some sweetie pie emotional warm hero. He was an idealistic idiot who got a reality shock he wasn’t Superman, who grew into a realist. He is a guardian angel who is not actually an angel and KNOWS he isn’t but can’t stop himself from trying to be for Fei Du, the first and only time he tried to be one, refusing to quit this mission even though it’s been lost a million times and it’s painful for both of them for him to keep pretending he’s an angel instead of a man. Luo Wenzhou’s warm emotional ‘hopes and ideals’ don’t touch Fei Du and ‘change him’ (although Fei Du trying to understand Luo Wenzhou’s pov at least does open him up to witnessing Tao Ran’s idealism and kindness even though he finds it naive). 

While their failures with each other certainly change them, they don’t actually change the core of each other - they are permanently too distinctly different people who see the world in an incompatibly different way. Growing up with Luo Wenzhou certainly influenced Fei Du’s behaviors, and gave him a peek into seeing the world differently, but he still ultimately exists mainly in his own world. Even with shared experiences together now, working together, it’s not shifting Luo Wenzhou into a person who sees the world as inherently cruel and monstrous like Fei Du, and its not shifting Fei Du into seeing justice as natural and possible. In some couple stories the worldviews would gradually mesh as the shared experiences grew - but no, not with these two. 

The beauty of their relationship is they Will exist in their separate worlds, their incompatible worldviews and interpretations of it. But they still connect. They still carved out this space of a home together, that exists in both worlds. That has a window to each other’s worlds where they ask the other to explain what that unimaginable window’s view means, how the hell the other person is interpreting it because they don’t see it the same way. This shared home, that lets them concieve of a world where the other person can and DOES exist in their world. Fei Du sees himself as a monster in a world where it’s natural, and where angels don’t exist let alone just heroes - but Luo Wenzhou is in his world. Impossibly. He’s there, he’s part of it, he’s relentless, and he always will be. In Luo Wenzhou’s world, Fei Du exists and is just as inevitably part of it as Luo Wenzhou is. Even though Fei Du can’t conceive of existing in Luo Wenzhou’s kind of world - luo wenzhou sees Fei Du WITH him there, dragging him in by refusing to accept that Fei Du couldn’t be there. 

Fei Du’s heart (in my prediction anyway lol) is not going to grow 3 sizes and decide justice is possible, is expected, and he’s an ordinary person who thinks like the others and feels wronged when he’s not given help and doesn’t instinctively think cold things. But Fei Du’s heart, despite himself and knowing Luo Wenzhou lied about being an angel in Fei Du’s world where none exists and failing him, holds a permanent space for Luo Wenzhou. A permanent part of him lets itself open the window to what Luo Wenzhou sees, and even though Fei Du simply can’t understand it, he lets the wind come in. Lets the idea drift through his own world: that for all justice is impossible, try to fight to do justice anyway. Try to conceive that people deserve it anyway, even if there is no way they do. Just humor the idea. Try anyway. It’s okay to try, even if the result will fail. Luo Wenzhou tries anyway, so you Fei Du can indulge in trying too despite it all. Fei Du’s heart has Luo Wenzhou in it, broken through the window and bringing the breeze, residing warmly in it and bringing all the ‘idealistic-fictional’ warmth from the world ‘other ordinary society thinks’ and decorates. Brings warm cooked noodles, shrimp, sweet candy so sweet its better than Fei Du’s world but here IT IS. Brings hope and determination and belief that doesn’t exist in Fei Du’s world, but here it is, in residence in his heart, with good smells that make him hungry, that taste like nothing that’s supposed to exist. And Fei Du thinks: its a lie, it can’t exist, it can’t be this good, it can’t be permanent... it must be an illusion or something that will crumble later. But its Luo Wenzhou... so Fei Du tries indulging the temporary goodness anyway, even if it WILL crumble. Like how Luo Wenzhou will still fail. Even so, even though this is nicer than any dinner in his world with his mom and dad had been, so much nicer he believes it impossible and a lie and just as hard to rely on as trying to grab the wind. He’ll still sit down and accept it for the experience it is. Because Luo Wenzhou brought it and said it was their home. And even if it makes no sense, somehow in their shared point of connection - this place where their worlds can almost overlap? It’s worth it to try. It’s the act of trying that’s important, not the outcome later. Not what’s possible or impossible. But that here, they can coexist somehow. That they tried very hard to carve out this home right here. They can be brave enough to believe the other sometimes about their other worlds, even if they can never move into the other’s. Try to go on faith on the other person, and try out the other person’s way of living in their very different world, even though it makes no sense. 

It’s a love story about yes, being seen as all of who you are and still loved unconditionally (something often appealing in fiction romance). But also like. Its this heavy reality of No, actually, you will NOT ever be seen completely and understood completely by another person. We are not Fei Du and we are not usually seeing the world and it’s ‘laws’ as so drastically different as him. But like him, when we meet people even as close as we may become, as much as we share, another person will truly never see and feel exactly as we do. Words are imperfect, people’s past experiences and personalities are all different, people can’t read your mind and see your history and feel your emotions. There is no perfect fullproof way to get someone to truly understand you completely. And that’s okay. You can be loved, you can connect, even when that’s true. There is worth in making connections, even if we will ever only be understood imperfectly, only partly be able to view the world or something the same way. Even if someone can’t understand why X is that way about you or why you can’t believe Y the same way they do (even when you try your best to). There is space in all of us to find a way to still love whole heartedly, to choose to Try to understand. There is power in choosing to try, and keep choosing to, even though it’s an impossible endeavor to ever fully accomplish. Like Luo Wenzhou, we choose anyway. Like Fei Du, we realize there’s worth in just the act of trying. Even if we are never fully seen, can never fully grasp the other, there’s care there. The care builds a space for us to connect. A space for us to feel close enough, safe and loved.