#Letting Go of the Past

[healingviawords]

Please forgive yourself for all the versions you couldn't become. Forgive yourself for the wrong things you said. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you wish you knew by now. Forgive yourself for the darker and shadowed parts of you, that are still just as beautiful. We have to learn to be able integrate all of the parts of ourselves because they are each in their own ways magnetic and beautiful.

[stevesbipanic]

@steddiemicrofic prompt: edge, WC: 509, rating: T

Eddie arrived home to a quiet house, which wasn't completely unusual for the Harrington home to be quiet but usually Eddie found his boyfriend moving around the kitchen making dinner, softly singing along to the radio.

"Steve?" He called out but was met with more silence. Strange, but Steve could be up in bed, maybe he had a migraine. Eddie checked quickly upstairs but found their bed cold and empty too. He'd seen Steve's car in the driveway so he hadn't left, and Robin didn't have her licence yet so she couldn't have picked him up, plus he'd have left a note.

Eddie went back downstairs checking the loving room hoping maybe Steve had just fallen asleep on the couch. Still, he was nowhere to be found. He went back to the kitchen ready to start calling around hoping maybe Steve was just visiting someone and forgot to leave a note. He was halfway through dialling the Hendersons when a shadow in the backyard caught his eye.

"Oh sweetheart," he mumbled to himself as he hung up the phone. Eddie grabbed a blanket off the couch and opened to sliding door to the back deck. Steve didn't flinch at the sound, eyes staying ahead. Sighing, Eddie wrapped the blanket around Steve's shoulders and joined him sitting at the edge of the pool.

The two boys sat silent for a few moments, Eddie knew better to just wait for Steve to talk, he'd made his presence known and that's what Steve needed right now. He wouldn't always talk, sometimes choosing to simply sit before they went back inside and curled up in bed. Sometimes Steve wanted touch, sometimes he'd just want to know Eddie was there.

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, Steve spoke. "It's been five years and I can't look at this pool and not see her." Eddie knew who they were talking about, after all only one girl had drowned in this pool. "She should be at college with, Nance, she should get to have a grave with a body in it, she should be here instead of," Steve choked out a sob instead of finishing that thought. Even though it ripped Eddie's heart to shreds, and wanted nothing more than to tell Steve he's loved and that it's not his fault, he knew Steve didn't want that, he'd said those words a million times before, Steve knew so Eddie waited.

Steve tilted his body until he lent against Eddie's side and Eddie let out a breathe as he was finally allowed to comfort his boy, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tight. He sat there with Steve crying softly in his arms until they slowed to a stop, it was time for bed.

Eddie took his hand leading him back into the house and upstairs, curling him into his chest and reminding him he was there, that he'd always be there.

"I think it's time to move, Steve."

"Do you think she'd forgive me?"

"I know she already has," and that was enough.

[connectingwithsoul]

You have to recognize a good thing when it comes your way. @connectingwithsoul

[turningwheeltarot]

Full moon in Cancer (Dec. 26, 2023)

It's interesting that the day after Christmas -- when many of us will have spent/be spending time with our families -- we have a full moon in Cancer -- the sign most associated with the family.

For many of us, issues surrounding our past or families of origin will come front and center in a way we can't deny. This is a gift because it allows us to clearly acknowledge what it is we need to release and/or heal.

[starryvomit]

i don’t care to know you anymore.

[myglowingupjourney]

I Learned this hard way (WHISPER NOT MINE)

MOVE IN SILENCE ALWAYS. Learn how to gatekeep the smallest things that make you happy. You think people want to see you happy? Nope. You'd be so surprised at who is praying on your downfall and has the biggest smile when you have your greatest downfall. I've had people in the past try to sabotage opportunities...and succeed at it. If you are someone currently telling those what makes you happy, STOP and be very careful!

[blissfulwoes]

Starting DBT soon. This time around, I'm going to give it my full attention.

[sticostudios]

Drew this as a stress reliever 

I’ve drawn stuff and did things I’m not proud of and completely disowned  (That goes for Bluey and 101 Dalmatian street)

Sometimes we all have a tainted past, but who we were before we’ve changed doesn’t matter, sure some things can be unforgivable and the internet is not a playground, it’s can be a miserable hate pit But sometimes when we need to change, we must look back and learn from our mistakes

I’ve gotten into past drama over people who scrutinized me for my mistakes ( and I’ve disowned any controversial art I’ve made back in 2022/2021)

Here’s some advice, get off the internet for a while, cut twitter, drama channels out of your life too, they’ll only make things worse, enjoy life for all it has until the end, people can change ( except for online predators) and if your willing to atone to your crimes, misdeeds, and recklessness I wish you luck

I made this work for people struggling with their past mistakes

Remember, in order to have a better future, you must look back at the past and learn, then let it go

[yarns-and-d20s]

Just finished watching a YouTube video about JKR and her whole "I'm never going to forgive those young people who disagree with me!" nonsense. The YouTuber made a bit of a throwaway comment about the adults who can't let go of HP because of what it meant to them in their youth, and I had too many thoughts for a YouTube comment, so, here I am.

My HP credentials: the first book came out when I was 15. I borrowed it from a younger person in my life, and ended up DNF'ing at the time because those opening chapters were so brutally mean-spirited and bleak I couldn't handle it. What can I say, I was a pretty fragile little thing. I ended up going back to the franchise in 2001 when my best friend wanted me to see the first movie with her. She'd already seen it, and just desperately wanted to share it with me, but would say no more. She bought my ticket and my popcorn, and, well, I ended up spending several years in the HP fandom, and was with it all through the release of the final film, and then slowly, it just sort of dwindled in my interest, though I did re-listen to the Fry-narrated audiobooks or watch the movies again from time to time, and had my various bits of merch hanging around my room.

But I gotta admit, I feel the same way that YouTuber does about the HP adults. The ones who won't let it go despite JKR, rather than, y'know, holding on because of her. The ones who wail, "But you don't understand what Harry Potter meant to me!"

Because the thing of it is: I do. My Harry Potter was David & Leigh Eddings' Belgariad and Mallorean, which was 10 entire books, that grew up alongside its main character, a very special orphan chosen one boy with magic powers and even a special mark on his body (Garion's was on his hand). Hell, he was also raised by his aunt, though I think Aunt Pol would kick Aunt Petunia's ass, and ends up marrying a redhead.

I started reading Pawn of Prophecy when I was 10 (I was a very precocious reader!). I re-read both series a lot up until 2010; I re-read them so much that all 10 books needed to be replaced because they were falling apart. Yeah, they got bought twice in my house. My best friend--the same one who took me to see Philosopher's Stone--also loved the Belgariad & Mallorean and we bonded over those books, talked about them constantly, the whole nine yards. Not only that, but my only other friend in the entire world as a teen also loved those books. They meant the world to me.

But as I progressed through my 20s, I started noticing the bioessentialism and the thing where people from the north and west were good but the people from the south and east were scary and evil or just plain old strange. The fact that very nearly all the female characters could be described as "beautiful and sassy" and were rewarded with marriage and babies if they were good women but if they were bad women who were too masculine in their appetites or behaviours, they got punished for it. On top of all that, news resurfaced several years ago about how the Eddings had been tried and found guilty of abusing their adopted children. They never adopted again after they served out their punishments, and the Belgariad was envisioned by the couple as, like, a love letter/apology letter to children or something like that.

So, yeah, I actually get it. A lot. And the Eddings are dead now, and can't hurt anybody, but I haven't touched those books in 14 years. They were so important to me, and I can still "hear" the influence of the Eddings' style in my own fiction writing. They'll always be special to me, but, you know, there's... there's other books.

I spent years rolling my eyes at people who would pull the "read other books" line. It was kind of ridiculous; I never knew anybody who was into HP and never read anything else. It was just that HP always inspired a particular fandom and devotion because so many people had it in common. I understand how important the community itself was; remember, I was in it.

But by the same token, because nuance is a thing, I don't fully understand not being able to let it go. Yes, I'm sure it was easier for me to let go of because I was an adult (19, closer to 20 than to 18) when I actually got into the franchise. And there was never really a huge, thriving Belgariad/Mallorean fandom. But if your HP fandom friends are only your friends because of HP, then... they're not really your friends, are they?

The Eddings are dead. They can't use their money to hurt anybody. There are living authors right now who are not raging sacks of shit who are struggling to put food on their plates. There are also lots of shows and games that you can love, and maybe there's a movie occasionally, sometimes (note to self: edit and post mini-essay about how the advent of the DVD was a huge stepping stone that led us to the current state of cinema).

I both do and don't know how hard it is to let go of something that meant so much to you as a kid. I know in so much as I've done it; but my autistic brain is struggling to not understand why if I can do it, other people can't. If it's about friends--guys, gals, non-binary pals, they ain't your friends if they don't want anything to do with you if you can't talk about Harry goddamn Potter. If they will talk to you without it, find that thing to talk about.

I know it'll hurt. I still ache sometimes to go back to [insert setting of Belgariad/Mallorean here], and see all my book friends, but, hey, I've sure read a lot of books since I stopped re-reading the same 10 books every 12-18 months for 13 years.

Sometimes, we outgrow things. That's okay. It's allowed. I gave myself permission to make 2010 the last time I read those 10 books. I give myself permission to miss them. I give myself permission to think fondly of what they meant to me. But it became time to move on, because my soul is bigger than racism, sexism, and two people who beat their children, and needed to be fed with new things.

[catsforthewin]

....: You should try to move on ....: I don't wanna move on ....: Don't stay in the past ....: I'll stay in the past ....: You gotta let go ....: I can't let go ....: You know good things don't last ....: It's the only good thing I've had

[healingviawords]

We've all made mistakes. We've all said and done things that we've regret. But we can't change the past. It's time to free yourself from your victim mentality. Unburden your mind from the weight of the past, because whether good or bad, they were meant to nurture your growth, not trap you. Forgive yourself, embrace acceptance, and gracefully release. Your mind is a powerful creator and it's calling you focus on shaping itself to a better present and future.

[panaceatthedisco]

Kanan is just so trans coded actually

[slaughtermelonj]

It’s so crazy how life changes and how the painful choices led sometimes to amazing things. It’s so weird not having the people I used to have in my life. This would be one of those big moments I’d be sharing with them. However, sometimes the best decision is letting them go. Mourning lost friendships can be so very painful. I hope you’re doing the best and your life is going in the direction you want. I’ll miss you forever like crazy. I hope I made the right decision in letting you go. Hopefully, you can feel this virtual hug and have a weird strange random moment full of happiness. Here’s to our futures 🥰

[starryvomit]

i let you blame me for all the pain you caused;

i forgive myself for that.

[howifeltabouthim]

As she turned to leave, a small part of her wanted to take more, keep a few more memories and things that were her. But was this her? Or was this just her past? She glanced around again. Then left everything behind.

Shannon Messenger, from Exile

[blissfulwoes]