#Like. There's gotta be a punchline in there somewhere!

[thateclecticbitch]

Dear Diary,

Three ex-mormons walk into a gay bar...

That's the start of a joke, right?

[shovson]

its kinda exhausting like...having to explain to a lot of ppl that most ppl aren't going to be just super happy and proudly say "im racist!!!!". it really does feel like some ppl think that bigotry is going to be that blatant. the amount of people i see disagreeing w the racist treatment of lewis (and also the other poc on the grid) bc they dont say it is so baffling to me. and also the amount of people who will defend it bc they don't see themselves as racist. like dont even get me started on the role model shit or the jewellery incident last year.........

[thecowsong]

Dr. Siobhágo

[roseharpermaxwell]

RWRB FirstPrince Everything Else Fic Recs

These are some canon divergence, some sad things, unique things. Click below to see the favorites I couldn't fit anywhere else, but needed to share.

Can't Help Falling by beck17. G, 1.2k. “Since New Years?”

Henry asks the question so quietly, Alex almost didn’t hear it.

An idea sparked from the subtle look Henry gave Alex after the latter told Zahra their relationship had been going on since New Years.

We're all the way up by @clottedcreamfudge. T, 1.4k. "Just making sure you don't try to run the moment I bring up a very specific topic," Pez says lightly, hopping up onto a low table and swinging his legs like a child.

"The topic of me loosening up and attempting to have a good time at a party?" Henry asks blandly, and Pez rolls his eyes and sighs dramatically.

"The topic of you quite clearly sneaking off with dearest Alexander, presumably to do things I must immediately hear about in excruciating detail. Spare no expense in the retelling; I want to feel it."

I can't breathe, if you're not there by softcinnamonroll. T, 2k. One moment, Alex was laughing at some joke Henry had made, and then the next there was a loud noise from the TV and the livestream cut out, leaving Alex alone in their dark living room. At first, Alex was sure there had just been a power cut, or some technical difficulties that caused the stream to cut out, but then the messages and BREAKING NEWS notifications started pouring in.

BREAKING NEWS: Explosion at Prince Henry of Wales Charity Event. Casualties Unknown.

You Must Allow Me To Tell You by @everwitch-magiks. T, 2.4k. “I don’t suppose there's any chance you’d like to marry me, Alex?”

Alex blinks. Then he starts to grin. “Right. Funny. What were you actually gonna say?”

“... I wasn’t making a joke.”

Alex waits for a beat — there’s gotta be a punchline here somewhere — but it doesn’t come. Henry is still watching him expectantly. He looks terrifyingly sincere.

“You’re actually serious?”

“Yes.”

“You’re proposing to me?”

“I am, yes.”

“But you don’t even know me.”

“Astute observation.” Henry tilts his head to the side. “I can’t help but notice that you have yet to decline?”

Henry has a proposal. Alex has trouble remembering why he shouldn't accept.

It's Always One Step Forward, And Three Steps Back. by @alxclightwood. G, 2.8k. He was fine, he didn’t need to sleep.

He blinked several times, desperately trying to force his eyes open. But it was inevitable that there would come a time his eyes drifted closed, and didn’t open again.

What he didn’t anticipate however, was his blood sugars dropping whilst he slept, with no alarm to wake him to fix it.

you took the time to memorize me (my fears, my hopes, my dreams) by @coffeecatsme. T, 2.9k. “I know what you’re doing.”

Alex crosses his arms, arching his brow. Henry, to his credit, looks completely unimpressed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really?” Alex wets his lips, enjoying Henry’s eyes following the movement, and lets a smile take over his face. He takes a step, closer to Henry, practically trapping him in front of the little coffeeshop.

“The ice skating,” Alex continues, taking another step, and he’s pretty much flush with Henry’s chest. Even though Henry tries to keep an impassive look, his eyes are glimmering under the afternoon light—he knows damn well what Alex is talking about. “The fire station. Indoor fucking skydiving.” He pokes Henry in the chest and grins. “You’re making my childhood dreams come true.”

Or, 4 times Henry makes Alex's childhood dreams come true, and 1 time he has to get creative.

Do we still have forever? by @hgejfmw-hgejhsf. M, 3k. Alex has a sudden, serious allergic reaction, and Henry can't help but think about losing him.

Powerless by floatingaway4. T, 3k. “Do you know what I’ve had to put up with in the last twelve hours?” 

Henry wants to point out that in that same twelve hours he’s had his body sliced open and an organ removed, but this doesn’t seem to be the time. He also got to sleep through his experience, while Alex was very much awake while dealing with Henry’s family. And Henry got the nice drugs, while Alex looks like he could use a drink.

hell was the journey but it brought me heaven by alec_rhee. E, 3.1k. While he was sitting in class and daydreaming about getting Henry naked the moment he got home, his phone vibrated wildly in his messenger bag. He heard the vibrations in class, and although his heart yearned for it to be Henry he knew it wouldn’t be him because his day was filled with meeting after meeting; the texts are most likely from Bug and Nora, he remembers thinking.

And well, he isn’t wrong. There are texts from June and Nora and none from Henry, but it’s the Google Alert –

BREAKING NEWS: PRINCE HENRY, BOYFRIEND OF FSOTUS ALEX CLAREMONT-DIAZ AND PRINCE OF WALES, INJURED IN CAR ACCIDENT

He reads the title of the article over and over and over again. He rubs his eyes and reads the title another three times.

This can’t be about my Henry, he thinks.

What I Need Tonight by @sparklepocalypse. E, 3.5k. It’s two in the morning on a Tuesday when the clatter of something hitting the bathroom floor startles Henry awake. At first, his groggy mind assumes it’s Alex – but then Alex snuffles in his sleep behind him and tightens his arms around Henry’s waist.

There’s another clatter, and then a shuffling noise, and Henry’s eyes widen. He reaches back and grabs Alex’s thigh, shaking him.

someday by rizcriz. T, 4k. “Where are you going?”

Henry freezes where he’s standing over his overnight bag, fingers still clasped around the tug on the zipper. His eyes slide closed of their own accord, dread pooling low in his gut. This was not how this was supposed to go. Alex is a deep sleeper, he should’ve been out the door and on a plane back to London long before he ever woke up. Not just for Henry’s sake, but for both of theirs.

This was not a conversation Henry wanted to have.

Or, Alex wakes up before Henry can sneak out.

i give you my heart (just to watch you waste it) by @villiageidiot. T, 4k. Henry moves to the U.S. when he’s ten years old. The very first time Alex finds him being picked on by some older students for sounding funny, everything changes. Alex shoves them to the ground, earns a detention, and becomes Henry’s best friend all in one fell swoop.

Well, they’re friends for Alex’s part.

For Henry, it’s always so much more.

(Five times fic wherein Alex never chooses Henry. Until he does.)

don't go where i can't follow by coffeecatsme. T, 4k. Henry turns away, hair silvery under the moonlight. He doesn’t even bother to look at Alex, and something like anger flashes in Alex’s gut when he sees him reach for his backpack, like it’s that easy to abandon Alex, like Alex didn’t bare his heart to him just a day ago. “You could’ve fucking said goodbye,” he whispers before he can think about it; his voice is quiet through the knot in his throat, yet it echoes in the room like a gunshot, stopping Henry in his tracks.

Alex wakes up at the lakehouse before Henry leaves.

All The Stars In The Sky by @absoluteaudacitywrites. T, 4k. Henry startles awake, blinking rapidly into the early morning gloom seeping into their bedroom and wondering hazily what woke him when two things become apparent.

One, Alex isn’t in bed with him.

Two, the sound coming from the bathroom is definitely what woke him and it is definitely Alex being quite violently sick.

you were more than just a short time by @hypnostheory. T, 4.2k. Alex leaves his mug on the porch railing. Inside the house is achingly hollow, an exhale with no inhale to follow. Alex feels like he can’t make a noise as he carefully pads back towards their bedroom. He pauses at their door, taking a steadying breath. He’s not as upset as he thought he’d be about this, having mentally prepared as the years ticked by and David grew older. Alex is okay.

Henry isn’t.

David the Beagle passes. Alex is there for Henry through his grief, and through the start of moving on

Tumbled Down and Tangled Up by @myheartalivewrites. E, 4.3k. “Yes, this is exactly how I always dreamed it would be. Locked in a cupboard with your elbow inside my rib cage,” Henry snipes. He sounds like he wants to punch Alex, which is probably the most Alex has ever liked him, so he follows an impulse and drives his elbow into Henry’s side, hard.

Henry lets out a muffled yelp, and the next thing Alex knows, he’s been yanked sideways by his shirt and Henry is halfway on top of him, pinning him down with one thigh. His head throbs where he’s clocked it against the linoleum floor, but he can feel his lips split into a smile.

nobody panic, but i've broken my leg by annesbonny. T, 5.2k. He collects his phone from Cash who's been holding onto his possessions, and shoots off a text to the group chat between pained breaths. nobody panic, but i’ve broken my leg. Then he slips it away again before he can read June's outraged response.

In which Alex Claremont Diaz breaks his leg at a charity Lacrosse game.

Ghosts by colorfulmoniker. M, 5.4k. After Henry leaves the lake house, Alex does not go after him. He doesn't storm Kensington in a fit of pique to call Henry an "obtuse fucking asshole." Instead, the pair spend nearly a year apart, both wrecked and miserable, until they find themselves on the list of speakers for an international conference.

baby, you were meant to follow me. by @chaa-kiao. T, 5.6k. “He doesn’t—” his breath hitches helplessly at the thought. “He doesn’t love me, June.” And, God, he’s fucking crying again.

The storm in his head rages on, his stomach sinking like a ship in its tide. Maybe Henry is exactly who Alex believes him to be: good and honest and true; maybe he’s perfect in every way Alex knows that he is and simply, plainly, doesn’t want him.

That's the worst possible answer to the questions that have become his entire being today. It sends another set of sobs hurling past his lips. The idea that all of this was real, Henry just doesn’t care that much, is sickening— debilitating— Alex doesn’t know how to face it.

Or: Henry and Alex never defined their relationship. Angst ensues.

simply, don't by rizcriz. T, 5.7k. The first voicemail notification sits in Henry’s inbox when he lands in London. He stares at it for a long while before quietly dismissing it and shoving his phone unceremoniously into his pocket. His phone feels like lead in his pocket the entire ride back to the palace, fingers itching to pull it out and just listen. But he’s stronger than that, isn’t he? He left, he got on the plane, he made it home without once looking back.

He had, though, contemplated the many steps it would take to turn around. Wondered if he could make it back with enough time to climb back into Alex’s bed and pretend none of this nightmare—the confession of love—had ever happened. But for every step he envisions himself taking back, three more lead him straight to Kensington Palace, because for whatever it is that he wants, there is only what he can have, and it is not a life with one Alexander Gabriel Claremont-Diaz.

Or, Henry actually answers one of Alex's calls.

think I know where you belong (think I know it's with me) by coffeecatsme. T, 5.8k. “You got me a flower?” Henry gingerly uncurls Alex’s fingers and looks at it. Alex gulps and manages a nod.

“I know it’s not much—” he tries to say, but then Henry’s grinning and Alex quite forgets why he was so worried about in the first place. He finds himself mirroring the smile. “You like it?”

“I love it.”

Or, 5 times Alex is in love with Henry and 1 time Henry loves him back.

After Everything, I Must Confess I Need You by @mainstreamelectricalparade. T, 5.8k. “Fuck,” he gasps, tears springing to his eyes and mixing with the rainwater on his face. He’s not sure if the tears are from the asphalt biting into his palms, or if it’s a release of the emotions he’s been trying to shove down deep ever since he woke up to an empty top bunk at the lake house.

Wait. Asphalt.

Over the pounding rain, Alex hears the shrill sound of a horn honking, and looks up just in time to be blinded by a pair of headlights coming straight at him.

When Alex dares Henry to tell him to leave, Henry actually does. Neither of them could have predicted what happens next.

dearthisbe by @dani-dabbles. G, 6.6k. “If someone in this room had told me before the Queen,” he grits out, “then maybe I wouldn't be completely cut off from my boyfriend right now.”

Alex glowers at his mother and ignores the cowed looks of the various staffers lining the Oval Office. Two days of no contact. Not even a carrier pigeon - or a swan since the queen apparently has them all at their disposal - has been sent their way.

OR: the email plot is discovered before it can be leaked, the palace doesn’t handle the news of their relationship well, and Henry and Alex are left trying to find their way back to each other.

come and get me by rizcriz. T, 6.9k. The email arrives 8 days after Henry left the lake house. He contemplates deleting it without reading, but it sits in his Alex inbox, where there are over seventy emails favourited, and somehow it feels wrong and weirdly impersonal.

As if leaving without a note were any different.

He stares at the from line with an aching longing that seeps into his veins. It settles on his heart like a tangible thing; something warranted and cruel that casts shackles around the aorta and locks them tight so that he might never love again.

or, alex sends an email instead of flying to KP.

I'd Wanna Be Felled by You, Held by You by Anonymous. E, 7k. Henry has been hiding his second gender since Alex moved into his apartment three years ago. When Alex accidentally triggers Henry's first heat in years, Henry asks Alex to cuddle him through it.

everything's growing in our garden by matherine. T, 7.2k. That night, in the safety of his hotel room on the outskirts of the Olympic Village, Henry couldn’t catch his breath. He coughed and coughed, feeling like he was choking on nothing, but there was a scratching sensation in his throat that he just couldn’t shake – until a single blue petal flew past his lips, landing in the porcelain bowl of the sink.

After an hour of painstaking Googling, he learns that it’s a Texas bluebonnet. He also learns what the fact that he’s coughing up petals means – the beginning stages of Hanahaki Disease. Rare, but not unheard of, according to the NHS website he browses in an incognito tab. Common in royal bloodlines (thank you, inbreeding).

"Only curable if the afflicted’s love is requited with a declaration," he reads, and slams his laptop closed with a bitter laugh, wet with tears. "A surgical procedure removing the afflicted’s capacity for love may be performed if the love remains unrequited. Otherwise, the condition is terminal."

So, then. He has no chance.

you're on your own, kid (yeah you can face this) by coffeecatsme. T, 7.2k. “Let’s get it over with.” Henry attempts to move, but Shaan stops him with a hand over his arm, concern flickering in his eyes.

“Are you okay, Henry?” he asks, so silently that the PPOs wouldn’t even be able to hear it. Henry doesn’t even blink. He doubts that word exists in his vocabulary anymore—he doubts it’s in the cards for him. But he knows the script.

He forces a smile on his face. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Or, 5 times Henry feels alone in the world, and 1 time he realizes he isn't.

every version of you (i love) by coffeecatsme. M, 7.6k. “So,” the voice narrates as the man squishes the dog’s cheeks and laughs at himself. “There’s this guy that lives next to me with the cutest beagle in the world and this little guy climbs to the fence every day to drop his toys off at, like, 5:30 on the dot, I’m not kidding.” The camera shows the man boop the dog’s nose and press a little kiss to his forehead. There’s a ball in his hands that he hands to the dog, but it slips from his mouth all over again, making the man reach down to grab it. He glares at the dog, but even then he’s still smiling. “And this guy always walks by and picks up the stuff and it’s the cutest fucking thing ever you have no idea.” The camera zooms in farther into the man’s smile, genuine and wild, as he pushes his wild curls away from his face. His eyes flicker up when another figure walks into the frame, his blonde hair falling over his forehead in waves. The man’s smile, impossibly, widens.

“Oh. I’m also pretty sure he has a crush on my neighbor.”

Or, 5 times David greets Alex with something that belongs to Henry, and 1 time he greets Alex with something that belongs to both of them.

I'm Fine With My Spite and My Tears (and my beer and my candles) by Megg1223. E, 7.7k. Henry leaves Alex at the lake house, but Alex doesn't storm Kensington. What happens when they see each other after three months? With the election right around the corner can Alex keep it together enough not to cause another international incident? Alex just needs to get through the night and then he can forget about the boy who broke his heart, but he's finding it increasingly difficult as the night goes on.

Downburst by @cricketnationrise. E, 8.5k. Amy’s sudden shout of alarm cuts off whatever Zahra was going to say. Alex stares at Amy, uncomprehendingly. His heart is racing, his body already flooding with instinctive fear, brain scrambling to catch up, to process what she said—

Cash is at his side between one blink and the next, practically tackling him to the ground and oh—

That’s a gunshot.

in the shadow of two gunmen by matherine. M, 8.6k. There are over four hundred and thirty-three million guns in civilian possession in the United States. Alex isn’t sure where on the campaign trail that fact embedded itself into his brain — he thinks he picked it up from some memo between Minnesota and Missouri — but he’s never been able to forget it. It's one of those things he turns over and over in his head, running the numbers as if he could calculate the possibility of a bullet embedding itself in his brain.

In the end, Alex thinks that it evens out. More people want to kill him than the average person (and that number has grown exponentially over the years) but now he also has Secret Service protection and can’t go anywhere without a motorcade. So, really, statistically, he figures that he has just as much of a chance of being shot by one of those 433 million firearms as anyone else, give or take a few decimal points here and there. But doing the math doesn’t make it any less terrifying when it actually happens.

Locked In by @three-drink-amy. M, 9.2k. After their night together in Paris, Henry and Alex get quarantined in their hotel, locked in for two full weeks.

Henry's Cold, Empty Tower by @dracowillhearaboutthis. G, 9.6k. “I want you,” Henry said, slowly but clearly, “to leave.”

When Alex storms Kensington Palace, Henry sends him away. Then, their relationship gets leaked, and it's Henry's turn to fight for Alex.

There's Something Missing in My Heart by allmylovesatonce. M, 9.8k. When Alex goes to London to tell him he loves him, Henry sends him away. How do both of them react to being without each other and what happens when their emails are still leaked?

So I Will Weather the Storm by Mags (sparklepocalypse). E, 9.8k. They’re in the air twenty minutes before the next report comes in, this time over their headsets. “Patient is located on the eastern side of Sgòr Gaoith. He reports a sudden snow squall came up, and he lost his footing and took a fall. He’s conscious and reports no major injuries, but he’s stuck on a ledge and can’t make it back to the trail. Patient is wearing a red jacket and a black knit cap and states his name is – ” there’s a burst of static over the radio.

“Please repeat the patient’s name,” Henry says into the headset mic as Schlosser programs the mountain’s location into the GPS.

There’s a bit more static, and then the dispatcher states, “Alexander Claremont-Diaz.”

(Or, a movieverse canon divergent AU wherein Henry is in the RAF and Cakegate still takes place, but the PR campaign doesn't happen – and two months after Cakegate, Alex does something dumb on a mountain in Scotland.)

a series of non-disclosure dilemmas series by everwitch. E, 10k. It takes a bit of time, before they manage to find the right person – a guy they’re both into, who is into what they’re into, and who is willing to sign a massive NDA even before they’ve made it to the bedroom. But once they do? It’s good. It’s so, so good. Still, nothing lasts forever, and when Theodore’s career takes him across the pond, Alex and Henry must consider whether or not they should start searching for someone else. Except in the end, they don’t have to search at all – Kenji is equal parts a surprise, and an absolute delight.

But the biggest surprise of all is the fact that, somewhere between a lot of really fun sex and some lazy, post-coital Star Wars banter, Alex and Henry end up with a matchmaking scheme that could certainly rival any cinematic drama. Theo, and Kenji. So different, but so well suited.

But how to get them together?

(did my love aid and abet you?) by alasse. T, 11k. That night in Kensington Palace, Henry told Alex to leave. Eleven years later, Alex watches on the news as Henry comes out, and abdicates. A story of what came before, and what comes after.

i vowed i would always be yours ('cause we survived the great war) by coffeecatsme. T, 12k. Mary Mountchristen-Windsor dies on June 5th, 2020, on a Tuesday morning, after an unexpected heart attack takes her before she’s rushed to a hospital.

Alex Claremont-Diaz hates Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor. It's a fact, written in stone, deep enough that nothing, he believes, can sand it off. Until he bumps into the prince at his grandmother's funeral and sees a different side of him.

Or, 5 times Alex and Henry have to hide themselves and 1 time they don't have to.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words by TintedMirrors. E, 12k. "It’s not an innocent picture. It’s anything but. Henry is lying on his back in the wet sand of the beach, body completely bare and naked in a way that should have only been for Alex’s eyes, and Alex is lying on top of him. Alex’s still wearing his swim trunks, but he’s cradled in Henry’s thighs, his body blanketing Henry’s as he kisses him deeply. His arm is caught between them and Alex remembers exactly what he was doing. In the picture, there’s a peek of his fingers at the bottom of Henry’s thighs, and while it doesn’t show Henry’s cock or asshole, it’s clear where Alex’s fingers are.

Inside of Henry."

A picture of a private moment between Alex and Henry is taken while they're on vacation, which leads to a media frenzy.

Alex can't stop looking at it...

A Parent's Love by herebecauseimqueer. NR, 13k. An exploration of who Henry would be and how the events of RWRB would be different if Arthur never got sick.

Once I get a taste by clottedcreamfudge. E, 16k. “Please,” Alex begs, on fire with a clawing desperate need. “Fuck, please, I’ll do anything. Henry.”

Henry, entire body rigid with tension, slowly shakes his head. Alex sees his mouth – red from where Alex has been kissing him, biting him, well on his way to eating Henry alive – form the word no, even though he can’t hear it past the blood rushing in his ears.

Then Henry turns and leaves, and Alex digs his fingers into the cheap plywood of his own desk as he tries desperately not to fall to the floor.

Which is not, as it turns out, where this story starts.

A Heart Even More Your Own. by chaa_kiao. T, 16k. “Guess you’ll be writing those poems after all.” He swallows. "I should go."

Henry’s mind— every part of him, really— his heart, his body, his fucking soul— is screaming at him to take it all back. To hell with the monarchy, the American presidency, damn it all. This is the man he’s spent his entire life loving and he’s throwing it away for a legacy he doesn’t give a single fuck about. He forces out a rough “I think so,” but he can’t hear it over the ringing in his ears.

“I love you.”

“Alex—”

“I know,” Alex says. “I just had to say it.”

Or: Alex and Henry getting back together takes a little bit longer this time.

Growth Is Uncomfortable (Because You've Never Been Here Before) by Jaistiel. M, 17k. "He said if I wanted to help, they would be instrumental in understanding how." Henry outright laughed at this. It was a hollow, joyless sound, and Philip, to his credit, merely looked chastised instead of angry.

"Do you? Want to help, that is." Henry narrowed his eyes and scrutinized the emotion written on Philip's face. He had never been easy to read, always hidden behind the stuffy upper class posture of a royal, but now it seemed that some of that wall built around him had slipped away.

"Yes." He didn't expand on his answer, didn't fill the room with platitudes and meaningless explanations. His response was, in full, simply: yes. Henry stared at him in shock.

In the week following the leak, Philip has a series of conversations that lead him down a path of introspection and understanding. Each told through a different POV.

I feel the beating of your heart, I see the shadows on your face by @anincompletelist. M, 18k. It’s certainly not what Alex would have predicted a few days prior. If someone had told him he’d be tenderly embracing his self-imposed enemy after switching bodies with him for seventy-two hours and embarking on an unintentional journey of self discovery and then finally finding their way back to each other to ask for a True Love’s Kiss that may or may not break the curse that flipped their lives upside down -

Well, Alex would have told them to fuck off.

Sure As the Stars in the Sky by anincompletelist. E, 20k. It shouldn't matter that Alex has been present for each and every one of Henry's most important life milestones, sometimes the singular catalyst for them. It shouldn't be important that he's grown to be more familiar to Henry than even some of his own family members, that part of him is burrowed so deeply into Henry's subconscious that he can taste it sometimes, that even when Alex crashes in, spirited and passionate, it feels like an easy exhale; like coming home.

It shouldn't matter, but it does.

flatline by rizcriz. T, 21k. Alex gets the call at 7:57am.

It’s from an unknown number, so he answers it with an accent on his tongue and laughter in his throat, ready to troll the scammer for all they’re worth. But the voice on the other side of the line is serious, solemn, when she asks, “Is this, I apologize, all I’ve been given are initials, AGCD?”

He frowns, turning away from the coffee shop he’d been about to enter. “Who’s asking?”

There’s a moment of hesitation on the other end. “There’s been an incident. On the individual's phone, there’s a sticker. It says, if found, return to AGCD, alongside this phone number. Does it sound familiar?”

Alex freezes in the middle of the sidewalk. “What kind of incident?”

Or, Henry's been in an accident.

Pump The Volume by absoluteaudacity. M, 22k. Zahra, sitting across the table from Alex, gives him a stony glare. “Aids?” she signs and he shakes his head obstinately. His hearing aids make his ears itch and he isn’t wearing them in his own house, even if that house is The White House.

everybody needs someone series by anincompletelist (soldouthaz). E, 24k. It would hurt less, Alex guesses, if he wasn’t head over heels for the guy he’s supposed to be fucking through an ancient one-sided sex curse with that was partially — a lot, actually — his own fault.

But. It’s not like there’s a fucking handbook.

Alex has looked. 

Claremont 2008 by @happiness-of-the-pursuit. M, 26k. What if Ellen Claremont had gotten elected in 2008 instead of Obama? An alternate timeline story of FirstPrince.

2009 at Buckingham Palace for tea. A sleepover after a quinceañera in 2010. The 2012 London Olympics. A 2014 Model UN Conference. A funeral in 2015. College and another campaign trail.

And the texts, facetimes, and chain emails in between.

Vacation, Meant to Be Spent Alone by allmylovesatonce. E, 29k. Alex has the perfect trip planned out for himself after his graduation. The last thing he expects is for his room to be double booked. The worst part of it all is that he'll be forced to share the room with his nemesis: Prince Henry of Wales.

Oblivion by milowren. NR, 31k. What if the moment in the hospital wasn’t a false alarm and the publicity surrounding the forced bromance between Alex and Henry had the adverse effect of them being kidnapped together?

Someday Soon I’ll See You (But Now You’re Out Of Sight) by MaryaDmitrievnaLikesSundays. NR (MCD), 38k. Alexander Claremont-Diaz was twenty-eight years old when a car crash took his life.

The entire world grieved, and the entire world remembered.

But for some people, it wasn’t just a figurehead that died. It was a friend, a brother, a son. A husband. And remembering all of Alex was a hell of a task to undertake.

Or, how six people in Alex’s life work through his death.

You'll Get Better Soon ('Cause you have to) by Megg1223. T, 38k. Dr. Eden sighs and looks them both in the eyes. “I’m not going to lie to you. There is a possibility that he will never recover his memories. But, there are things we can do to help him along. I’ve already told him about the memory loss. He knows it’s 2023 and that he lost almost four years of memories. I think it may be best to update him on his current situation. His day to day life is drastically different then it was in 2019, is that correct?”

“Yeah, I would say.” Alex huffs out a bitter laugh.

Henry is in an accident and thinks it's still 2019. He still believes Alex hates him, and Alex is a just as much of a mess as you think he would be.

all the rumors are true by fxckingeyelashes. E, 53k. The door slams open in the middle of the night. Henry and Alex both shoot up, blinking through the dark.

“Wha- Zahra, what the hell?” Alex mumbles, making sure to keep the blanket over their naked hips.

Zahra exhales slowly as she flips the lights on. “We have a situation. You two need to get dressed and meet me in the office. It’s… it’s your emails. Someone’s hacked the server. They’re public.”

Alex isn’t sure he remembers how to breathe. Henry’s the first to move, grabbing the small trash can from beside Alex’s bed just in time to get sick.

//

Or, the one where the emails are leaked, but Alex and Henry are together when it happens. Bits from the book, bits from the movie, bits from my own personal AU I’ve created in my head.

Don't Initiate a Handshake, Always Address Them Properly, and For God's Sake, No Tiaras Until 6pm by TuppingLiberty. E, 63k. What happens when the White House decides to be proactive rather than reactive? Alex is brilliant and kind, but he's in need of a little polishing before he attends the royal wedding, and who to provide it better than Prince Henry? After all, they're both beholden to NDAs and with Princess Bea visiting as well, it's easy to pass off the two week visit as goodwill ambassadorship for both countries. No one has to know Henry is tutoring Alex.

So Alex is going to be left alone in the White House with his mortal enemy and three meddling sisters learning all about royal etiquette and protocol.

What's the worst that can happen?

Things I Cannot Accept by @sprigsofviolets. T, 69k. In 2016, Ellen Claremont lost the presidential election.

In 2019, Alex Claremont-Diaz is not the first son of the United States, so he’s shocked when his path crosses with Prince Henry for the first time in almost four years.

What Do I Know by allmylovesatonce. E, 83k. After a bad accident, Alex finally wakes up from a week-long coma. His family and friends are so relieved until they find that he has memory loss, forgetting the last five plus years. For Henry, he's forgotten their entire relationship. How do they go forward when Alex still thinks he hates Henry, but Henry is wearing his wedding ring?

I only tag an author once per post, but I'm still figuring out firstprince author handles. If you see one I may not know or find a broken link, please give me a heads up!

Master List of RWRB FirstPrince Recs

Master List of Recommendations

[ghoultrifle]

mushy may day seven !!!!

prompt: telling stupid jokes

characters: mount, aeon, cirrus, others mentioned vaguely

word count: 650

summary: what it says on the tin, really. mainly a poorly executed plot line around some of my favourite terrible jokes sdhfsdjkh

below the cut or on ao3 :))

“Oh Mount that was terrible,” Dewdrop says. “Truly awful, take it somewhere else man, it’s lingering like a bad fart.”

“So you don’t like my jokes now, huh? Seven was supposed to eat nine, not your sense of humour!”

A few of the ghouls are sitting in the common room. Recently back from a tour, they have few responsibilities to keep them busy during the day. Each ghoul has their own way of coping with the whiplash of tour days compared to cosy life back at the Ministry but Mountain has taken up reading a ‘One Hundred and One Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone’.

“No, I like them Mount, keep going,” Cirrus smiles. She’s happy the earth ghoul is keeping himself occupied, knowing all too well how easy it can be to spiral in these days before chores start up again.

“Okay okay… hmm what about this,” he says, thumbing through the pages as he bites his lip. “Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks ‘What’s your favourite type of music?’” Mountain pauses for a very unnecessary dramatic effect. “The other says, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’” He slaps his knee and guffaws at the joke, letting out the heartiest of chuckles, rivalling that of a father like Omega. “Get it? Because we’re in a metal band,” he points out, painfully oblivious to the disinterest of his packmates.

Aeon, however, is having a great time. Compared with English, Ghoulish is a very direct language, more akin to those animals use to communicate about food and danger. So being topside and learning English with the pack also means being subjected to Mountain’s jokes and enjoying them. Everyone enjoys the jokes at some point, just most ghouls have heard them all too many times before. That’s the joy of new life- experiencing things for the first time- and Mountain takes pride in being able to give those experiences. The cogs turn in Aeon’s brain as he feels out for the punchline, “Oh, that was a good one!” He exclaims, making a mental note to tell it to Aurora when she gets back.

“I think you’ll like this one, Ae, have you heard the rumour about the butter?”

“No?” He answers cautiously.

“Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it,” Mountain smirks.

Aeon has a toothy grin adorning his face as he points finger guns at Mountain. “Woah, you got me good there Mounty!” He chuckles.

Cirrus looks on in adoration at the bonding between the ghouls before adding her own favourite silly joke into the mix. “Hey, what about this one?” She asks, garnering the boys’ attention. “How did Freud get his hair so soft and shiny?” With the psychoanalyst mentioned, several ears perk up to hear what they think will be the inevitable daddy-related punchline.

“He used classical conditioning!”

A wave of groans filter across the room along with a litany of jovial, light-hearted remarks at her genius joke.

“No, that one takes it, worst. joke. ever.”

“Freud is turning in his grave at that, Cir.”

“That was far worse than Mount’s, get out!”

A look of concern spreads across Rain’s face as the comments roll in, “Guys stop being so mean, it can’t be that serious.” Cirrus disagrees and repeats the joke for the water ghoul who was, at the time of the original telling, absorbed in his book. “Oh no, yeah, that was awful, you gotta leave.”

Cirrus chimes in, “Yeah! Part of telling awful jokes is the hilarious reactions you get. Aether once told me to get on a one-way flight to space and to this day it’s the greatest compliment I’ve ever received,” she says, reminiscing.

The evening descends into each ghoul telling the worst joke they can think of. Sighs, groans, and disappointed looks are rife, making the evening as enjoyable as it is.

[everwitch-magiks]

You Must Allow Me To Tell You

“I don’t suppose there's any chance you’d like to marry me, Alex?” Alex blinks. Then he starts to grin. “Right. Funny. What were you actually gonna say?” “... I wasn’t making a joke.” Alex waits for a beat — there’s gotta be a punchline here somewhere — but it doesn’t come. Henry is still watching him expectantly. He looks terrifyingly sincere. “You’re actually serious?” “Yes.” “You’re proposing to me?” “I am, yes.” “But you don’t even know me.” “Astute observation.” Henry tilts his head to the side. “I can’t help but notice that you have yet to decline?”

Henry has a proposal. Alex has trouble remembering why he shouldn't accept.

[presidentbungus]

Pauling carries around a little tie-dye-patterned pocketbook she plucked off of a corpse or shoplifted from the dollar store or something along those lines, what’s the difference. in her off-time (any time she has the crook of an elbow or the space between two fingers to carry it in, and the fingers or teeth to hold a pen to scribble)… she writes jokes. nebulous, unconnectable fragments of routines about her job and… mostly just her job, sometimes lame puns, sometimes long spirals of stories that lack any conceivable punchline. at the moment Pauling seems to fundamentally misunderstand the concept of “basic humor”, but she knows if she just keeps writing there’s the soul of a comedian somewhere in her guts, waiting to be set free in front of the audience of chain-smokers and day-drinkers at the open mic in Teufort; her various employees that she calls at unholy times of the night to run jokes past somewhat disagree, but no one has the heart to tell her that.

one day on her birthday (which wasn’t officially listed anywhere, but Spy can dig up a lot of things for fifty bucks and the faintest hint of stewing drama), the team signs her up for an open mic like she’s been not-subtly hinting about wanting to do for god knows how long. mortified, Pauling begs them to reconsider, saying she doesn’t have any material prepared, saying the audience just doesn’t seem like the right type of mood and she’s gotta go back to work anyway, but a natural susceptibility to pep-talks leads her to her end, regardless.

fumbling the little book in her hands she finds her way up to the mic, clears her throat, stumbles through an awkward one-liner… and then promptly spends about three minutes dry-heaving into the mic until she passes out. she’ll get there someday

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

Hey there! From the OC ship asks: 6, 14, 62, and/or 97 for whatever ships you'd like!

[ask game]

Hi, thank you for the ask! :] I'll just. Answer for all where an answer comes to mind xd

6. Who would ask the "would you love me if I were a worm?" question? How would their S/O answer?

Merrill would totally ask this when tipsy. The three of them would then get into a drunk sort-of-philosophical discussion about ethics and the intricacies of being a worm

Liam would ask it as a bit, Fenris would play into it, and Liam would have some silly punchline lol

Kala would ask it of the blue with no context, apparently 100% serious (probably??) Alistair would be totally stumped by the question and Kala would not elaborate on it or anything

June would ask this randomly too and Cullen would start sweating and frowning and asking why she is asking. No for real June why are asking WHAT are you planning?? She shrugs and says it's nothing (it was literally just a random thought said out loud)

14. What is something they argue about constantly? Is it a deep-seated issue or something small?

For Kala and Alistair one more serious disagreement that comes up now and then is about the Grey Wardens, since Kala doesn't feel much attachment or loyalty towards them and Ali, well, does. It never fully escalates but it's something they don't quite see eye to eye on.

Fenris and Liam occasionally have tension because of both of their overprotectiveness, which makes the other nervous, and gets Really Bad in the time after leaving Kirkwall for a while. They also have plenty less serious recurring arguments like how many pillows should be on the bed or whose turn it is to bathe the dog

Ari and Josephine sometimes get caught in a loop of "no you" of trying to get the other to take it easy, which sometimes gets both riled up, but at least when it comes to that they are both forced to admit that they are over-strained lol. Also post Trespasser they start disagreeing about Inquisition (?) (however that's called then) matters more often which uh. may or may not stem from disagreeing on more fundamental levels more often as well.

They do also love bonding by having tiny ridiculous argument about trivial things xd

June and Cullen start out arguing constantly about. practically everything lol. Even once they get civil-to-friendly they still argue about a lot of the same things, only now they're actually Getting Somewhere and Working Through Shit.

Later, one recurring argument is about June saying Cullen doesn't trust her enough vs. Cullen saying June is being too inconsiderate re: her tendency to get into Situations TM. He's overly anxious, June is quick to feel caged, it's something they gotta figure out together.

62. How would outside characters describe their relationship?

answered here :]

97. How do they wake their S/O up? Is it difficult to rouse them?

Liam has a habit of opening the windows in the morning which does wake Fenris up but does not make him get out of bed (cold! blankets nice and cozy!). By the time he's back from walking Skip though Fenris's had enough time to Actually Wake Up. With Liam the problem tends to be that he wakes up too easily rather than the other way round, and has trouble getting back to sleep once he's awake.

Lilian is a terrible morning grump but if you wake her after breakfast is ready then she will only be grumpy a little bit and will even do the dishes after (nothing like food to get you in a good mood u.u). If she's being extra crotchety or refuses to get up though then a cold wet cloth thrown in the face also works 👍It's rare that Lilian gets up first but when she does she usually doesn't wake Bela up.

June isn't easy to get out of bed but not too hard to wake up. a "good morning" and a lil shake on the shoulder will suffice but she Will need 3-5 business days (~20-40min) to actually get out of bed. The other way round, June likes getting one of the dogs to wake up Cullen lol. It's the quickest and the least likely to result in Lasting Grumpiness

Ari and Josephine are used to working on a schedule, so when they have time to sleep in they won't wake the other. But when they have trouble getting up cos they're sore or exhausted then Ari likes to bring Josie coffee (and pastries) to bed and Josie will sometimes give Ari shoulder massages

[clonerightsagenda]

accidentally recreated the oldest and most tired FMA fandom joke on discord this evening

Kat Harrowhark is Hohenheim if he was a mentally ill teen lesbian

Gill Hm. Hmmmm. I get what you’re saying but the above messages were Certainly Something to read back to back when I got home just now

Kat lmao my apologies

Gill It’s just funny bc I’m like “wait why is Harrow like Hohenheim in the specific context of the above panel” before I Realized

Kat nah she is just a philosopher's stone made of the murder of her people Everyone talks about the HS and warhammer influences on TLT but I do feel like it has some FMA vibes particularly in that Hiromu Arakawa is perhaps too into deeply unbalanced codependent partners

Gill “Riza and Roy are little bit too much like a prototype necro/cav pair”, I thought, before remembering that there’s at least two or three other FMA duos that fit that bill also Ling and Lan Fan, Ed and Al themselves, Scar and Mei, also Izumi and her husband,

Kat Arakawa loves her brawler duo especially if one of them is sworn into service to the other and kind of insane about it Olivier and that dude with the mohawk Arakwa I only find this Romantic (capital r not necessarily lowercase) if they can quit their job

Gill Iirc (it’s been A Very Long While since I read the endgame chapters) isn’t Father’s master plan that turns him into a bishie not entirely unlike Cam and Pal’s soul gestalt gambit? Except with Cam and Pal it was more or less mutually consensual and God wasn’t involved,

Kat hm. he retained his own personality, he just slorped up souls for fuel. closer to John eating Alecto really no one really pulls a Paul although frankly given how everyone behaves in this story I'm honestly shocked no one give them ideas

Gill Gotta draw the line somewhere

Kat which fma characters would die fusing their souls together into some platonic ideal of their relationship that is also kind of a corruption arc bc it involves self destruction, a list tbh though everyone seems more keen on dying before the other person in their little battle couple

Gill Hmmmm You know if anyone was gonna do it I think it’d be Roy and Riza

Kat would Roy and Riza haha I was gonna say or is their self hatred THAT strong

Gill Is their mutual devotion/co-dependence stronger than their individual self-loathing? Find out next week on Fullmetal Alchemist: Locked Tomb Edition

Kat wait a second I cannot fucking believe this because she is always the punchline of FMA jokes but canonically the person who pulled a Paul non consensually was Nina always comes back to the fucking dog

Gill God damnit

[hermanunworthy]

writer anon from a couple months ago here… fuck man. it’s the day the music died.

(idk what this is and it’s not very good)

but when you go to meet god, you know, you wanna look nice

hermie’s had those dreams before, the kind where he can feel that his eyes are closed and he tries to open them while he’s asleep but he can’t. this is like that- except there’s no body attached to it. he feels out for… nothing. not even an ache over his heart, where the blood was just staining a moment ago. a year ago? he feels heavy. he’s not sure where he feels it. there’s no body anymore. there’s no him.

“well hello there, darling.” his father. he looks up. there’s no one here. scam’s voice is all around. “did you have fun?”

did you have fun? two years of high school theatre, that’s what it added up to, more or less, and then a few insane months with the teens. was it fun? he can’t remember now.

in this space, he sees it. it really was only two years. there was nothing before that. his memories of growing up are so two-dimensional, it feels like he could print them right out of his head and fold them up into a little paper person and be looking at his twin.

“it was just a joke, you know, all in good fun. oh, they’re wrapping it up now, story’s almost over. ‘that’s all, folks!’ and all that, you know. shame, we’ve only got so much time left.” scam didn’t sound sad. “I kept thinking your father would come after me at some point. it was good fun, messing with the king-of-hell demon-cop. pretty shitty guy, I gotta say.”

a scene materializes in front of hermie. a wooden stage, classic red curtains to frame it, and a styrofoam grave marker in the center. two actors bearing a comically-grotesque resemblance to his adoptive parents were badly stage-crying over it.

at the top, à-la-phantom of the opera, jodie peered down at the actors. he watched for a moment, then turned away to fix his attention on someone else.

did you have fun?

“I was wondering though. were you lying?”

hermie paused. “what?” his voice sounded strange.

“your last words to normal. he wasn’t conscious to hear them, you know. but were they genuine?” he could hear the rubber stretch of scam’s smile splitting far wider than a mouth should go. “did you mean it?”

“I can’t die,” hermie said slowly. “can I.”

“well, you weren’t exactly alive, so it’s hard for you to be dead.” scam sounded more distant now. “no place in heaven or hell for a puppet, just ask jigsaw.”

hermie’s jaw clenched. “I wasn’t a puppet. I wasn’t… anything.”

“right, so you get the point. I’m asking what you were teeing up for with that last line, hermie. obviously you won’t be around to deliver the payoff. were you just planning on ditching them without a punchline?”

“it’s what you did.”

“the ditch was the punchline, worthless, that’s the crux of the whole thing.” scam’s voice had taken on an edge. “I died once too. got shot off a dragon, actually. it was a lot like this.”

“was it?”

a pause. “I don’t remember.”

the curtains closed. somewhere, the sound of a gigantic clock started up, or maybe a metronome. “well, this has been fun, if ultimately unsatisfying, but I’m afraid this is where I must leave you. show’s over.”

“are you sure?”

“you’re the one who stopped dancing. oh.” scam was smiling again; he could hear it. “oh. I see it now, the prestige. you were the set-up for something truly… oh. wow. now this is a show.”

normal. hermie tried to take a deep breath. “what’s he doing?”

“making your whole life part of his own villain origin story. so sorry you aren’t around to see this, I know how you always liked the villains, but, well.”

“you can’t bring me back?” hermie clenched his fists. “you can’t do one thing for me, after…?”

scam scoffed. “oh, now he wants to live.”

crack! hermie was a five-year-old watching the big kids win the speedrun. crack! hermie was a cat in a garbage can being jumped by the pussywagon. crack! hermie was sitting in a car in hell, and normal was kissing his cheek. crack! hermie was a voice on the phone, hermie was saying “this is john.” crack! hermie was the dying papa john, hot cheese coursing through his veins. crack! hermie was dying, hermie was lying on the ground with blood spilling from his…

“your father and I were similar in one regard, actually. when our lives were threatened, when there was only one way to be free, we took it. we split, you could say, we…” scam hesitated. hermie thought about a demon and a highway patrol officer, a mustache and a fedora. “sometimes you get a card. sometimes you get a court order. but you always get a choice. you don’t get to be yourself. that’s what the world taught both of us. no matter your power, your influence, if the world doesn’t want you to be yourself, and you still want to live, well…”

he saw the joker, keira knightley, risky click, a whole parade of shifting faces flickering between his reflection and his performances. he heard his words to normal in goof’s realm- you don’t like me, you idiot.

“do you want to live? you never get to go back, you know, not to what you were. even if you’re able to reconcile the memories, once you’ve been something you never fully stop being it. and that saves you a little, the first you, but it’ll damn you just as surely.

“unless.” one giant eye in front of hermie. “was there anyone, hermie? anyone who wanted you to be yourself?”

what did he honestly believe, about what normal wanted?

he didn’t know if his last words were a lie. he didn’t know if his next ones would be either.

do you want to live?

IM SO SORRY FOR LEAVING U HANGING FOR A WHILE WRITER ANON IVE BEEN AT WORK BUT IM BACK. I WOULD SAY WE ARE SO BACK BUT NO ITS SO OAKWOVER. HERMAN UNWOVER.

I AM INSANE ABOUT THIS DO U UNDERSTAND HOW CRAZY THIS IS TO DROP IN MY INBOX. THIS IS SO WELL DONE IM GONNA EXPLODE THE FUCKING. AAUAUAUAGAHHHH

[steampunkagumon]

Love Making Music (Grayson x reader)

AO3 link

(document originally created November 7th, 2023)

CW: Incomplete work aka only offscreen/implied/referenced s3x. Implied size kink but it’s treated as a joke. Might also count as object insertion but idk it’s kinda part of the punchline.

With another game under your belt for the night, you started scrolling through your phone, trying to find the perfect song. Joystick? No, too vulgar. Not to mention, anatomically incorrect. Midnight Romeo? Better, but maybe too upbeat. Careless Whisper? Wait, no, no way! Done. to. death!

This had been a long time coming. You weren’t too worried about tonight being “perfect.” Whether this was your first time, or his, or if either of you had done anything like this before- Heck, even if things didn’t go that way, you knew tonight would still be perfect.

Yeah, this one!

Smokey Robinson’s Baby Come Close played softly through your phone speaker as you leaned over Grayson’s shoulder. “This right here… is lovemaking music,” you proclaimed, wiggling your eyebrows at him, only half-joking. His eyes widened, and he snickered at you for a second, before completely breaking down into laughter.

“This?” he huffed. “Oh, no, no, no, no, no,” he went on, snatching your phone off the bed and turning the music off. Handing it back to you, he stood with a “hup” sort of sound. “Gimme a sec. I swear it’s around here somewhere…” After rummaging through a couple drawers, he held up the case to a Playstation 2 game called Rez. “Ever heard of it?”

“Yeah,” you replied, “it’s like an old music shooting game, right? Seemed kinda boring.”

“Oh yeah?” He smirked, holding up a little black box. He tossed it to you and plugged it into the console. “Put that in your pants, and I’ll show you otherwise.”

You looked back and forth between Grayson and the device in shock. “This thing? In my pu-... Th-there’s no way it’ll fit!”

Grayson chuckled. “It’s not supposed to “fit,” silly, you sit on it.”

“Oh. I guess that makes more sense. What’s it do, anyway?”

“You’ll see~ But on the other hand, isn’t it obvious? Trust me, baby-” He cracked his knuckles and scooped up the controller. “Just sit back and watch the magic happen.”

* * *

“So, what’s this game about, anyway?”

“Basically, you’re a hacker in something called the K Project. The central AI, Eden, gets infected with a virus that makes her question her existence, and she goes into emergency shutdown. So you’ve gotta break through security, delete the thing, and turn her back on.”

“Turn her on, huh?”

“Don’t even start,” Grayson scolded. “Or I’m shutting it off.”

♩♩ bzzt bzzt

“Whoa!”

“And that thing you’ve got there’s called a Trance Vibrator. Still can’t believe you’ve heard of the game, but not this old thing. It was a… a pretty big deal, back when the game came out.”

“I can see why,” you replied through a shuddered breath.

“Pretty cool, right?” Grayson asked with a spit-eating grin. “See, my fingers are working the controls, but in a way,”

The vibrator continued to pulse in time with the music.

“They’re also kinda working you.”

“This- this is…” you huffed. “This is amazing!”

Three- sev- five- three- one-

As the in-game dialogue spat out random numbers, the intensity of the vibrations suddenly skyrocketed. “Oh god!”

Grayson’s smug demeanor faded in an instant as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, it’ll do that whenever I beat a level. It’s not too much, is it? We can stop if you need. I mean, on the bright side, it’s pretty sporadic right now, but-”

“No!” you interrupted. “No, it’s fine. I’m fine, just… Wow…”

“If you say so.”

Oh yeah, this was gonna be a long night…

[rosealiceroyal]

“I don’t suppose there's any chance you’d like to marry me, Alex?”

Alex blinks. Then he starts to grin. “Right. Funny. What were you actually gonna say?”

“... I wasn’t making a joke.”

Alex waits for a beat — there’s gotta be a punchline here somewhere — but it doesn’t come. Henry is still watching him expectantly. He looks terrifyingly sincere.

“You’re actually serious?”

“Yes.”

“You’re proposing to me?”

“I am, yes.”

“But you don’t even know me.”

“Astute observation.” Henry tilts his head to the side. “I can’t help but notice that you have yet to decline?”

Henry has a proposal. Alex has trouble remembering why he shouldn't accept.

Language: English Words: 2,428 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 151 Kudos: 942 Bookmarks: 135 Hits: 4,223

[dumps-write]

Shelter Jokes

→ Dylan Lenivy x GN Reader (Mostly Platonic btw.)

→ Just a Short Imagine

→ Synopsis: You and Dylan went inside the shelter of the lodge instead after almost getting mauled by Were-Emma, and Abi was the one who joined Kaitlyn in the Scrapyard Adventures.

→ Warnings: mentions of fetishes, slightly depressed dylan, amputee dylan, mentions of Rylan

“...”

The silence was too deafening in the dim basement, Dylan was clearly looking impatient and while you were looking back on the fact that you could've died back in the camp store as you got chased by a fucking werewolf, one wrong move and you would've definitely met your maker.

Dylan was no longer in shock but he still looked quite depressed at his missing hand, out of all of the people in the counselor's group — You were one of the worst in talking about feelings and does not actually know how to converse, probably even worse than that brooding Ryan.

“It’s been quite a night, huh, Dylan.” you said, a bit awkwardly to say the least but atleast it should clear or drift the tension away in the surrounding atmosphere.

Dylan’s still bloody face looked towards you, “Yeah, definitely not the P A R T we were planning just earlier before sunset.” he says, chuckling afterwards at his own misery.

“Cheer up, you’d look cool with a hook or a puppet for a hand.” You said, smiling sympathetically, trying to lighten the now-frowning man.

“And you never know, Ryan maybe into hook for hands.” you mumble under your breath, Dylan catching wind of what you just said, laughing a bit.

“Well, he already has a pirate type or whatever — girl with an eyepatch.” he responds disappointedly, to which you couldn't help but feel a slight pity for him. You made a sound somewhere between a light-hearted laugh and a sigh, “Well, there's always an after to this — maybe you can ask him out, finally get his number.” you comforted in a soft tone; or atleast try to at the very least.

“Heh, gotta focus on myself after this first and then then decide what to do with my love life, but I guess, a man who separated my hand from the rest of my body and then the next day, get married on the spot, adopt four children and get this....”

You listened to Dylan’s rant that took a turn from a depressing one to a humourous one, Dylan leaned over and made some hand movements.

“Get a werewolf fetish! See it would make for quite a romantic movie.” he continues, slowly smiling after his delivery of an anticlimactic cliffhanger unto his punchline.

“Okay. We're done here.” you said, rolling your eyes and laughing under your breath as Dylan finally returned to his blasè self.

“Well, what about you, a worse brooder and loner than Ryan? What happened to you anyway?” Dylan asked, his hand gesturing to his own skin but is signaling for your injuries in those parts; scratch marks on your shoulder and also on your left leg

“It’s fine, really. The werewolf really wanted me. Maybe I... looked like fried chicken to them” you say, goofing your eyes a bit — cracking jokes of a scary experience.

Dylan lets out a small giggle at that, so instead of getting those silver bullets on the ground near the breaker — you're both busy cracking jokes.

[goddessofmischief]

I would really like a sequel to Task Force X - Rick Flag x reader (the one where the reader is a kidnap victim of the joker and tried to kill him but it failed so she’s in prison and is trying to be recruited by Waller and Rick Flag) - I don’t really having any say in what happens maybe Harley and reader bonding over hating the joker?

A/N: Thank you!

Uniform - Rick Flag x Reader (+Harley Quinn)

...

You'd asked for Rick Flag to come to your cell for a reason.

...He just didn't know what that reason was.

"Fine."

"Fine, what?"

"Fine," you spat out, struggling with the words. "Fine, I'll join the stupid Homicide Squad-"

"Suicide Squad."

"Yeah, yeah, Suicide Squad. I'll do it. One mission, at least."

Rick nods.

"Okay, well... it's a start."

He offered his hand to you, and you stared at it blankly.

"What's this?"

"A hand. We just made a deal - we shake."

Reluctantly, you shook his hand, and he helped you up.

"Besides, I have somewhere to get you to."

"Where are we going?"

Rick laughs.

"Well, if you're gonna be on a team - you gotta wear the uniform."

...

Rick wasn't kidding.

Harley was the unofficial costume designer of the Suicide Squad, and every new teammate had their costume designed by her - the ones that didn't run around in flashy jumpsuits already, anyway. In all your days fighting the Joker, you'd never dressed up.

"Oh, puddin'," Harley gushed, circling around you. "Oh, this is gonna be so much fun-"

Rick was very, very lucky that you already liked Harley, or you would have killed her. The two of you had bonded over the fact that you both loathed the Joker, and rather than feeling jealous of you for being her replacement, she'd taken pity on you and adopted you as... well, somewhat of a little sister.

“Nothing too flashy, Harls,” you begged, realizing you were fully at her mercy. Harley Quinn was many things, but she wasn’t subtle. You didn’t want to look like, well -

A clown.

“Let’s start here, huh - your codename. Punchline. Punchy. Something subtle, sure, yeah - black!”

Black. Black sounded good. That could be chic, elegant-

“Purple!”

“No, Harls, no purple-”

Harley huffed.

“Do you want Rick to notice you, or what-”

You put your hand over her mouth, keeping her from continuing. You were, maybe, the only person who could muffle Harley Quinn without being immediately killed.

“Harley, there’s nothing between me and Flag. Nothing. I swear. Besides, he’s our boss-”

“...That’s hot.”

You sighed, and she ducked under your arm, taking your measurements.

“Okay, so, no purple, got it - black’s okay, though - how about some red?”

“That’s really more your thing, Harley.”

“Got it, got it, yellow! Black and yellow!”

“I’ll look like a bumblebee, Harley.”

“A smokin’ hot bumblebee.”

You rolled your eyes, and she nodded.

“Okay. Okay. I got some thoughts.” She scribbled a child’s drawing on a piece of paper, and presented it to you.

It wasn’t... horrible.

“Not bad, Harley,” you said. “Not bad.”

...

Rick Flag Taglist (Open)

[spiltlove]

these are the texts you wanted to send him. 

i’m sorry. i’m sorry for always apologizing when it's not my fault. it’s not yours either. or maybe i’m just shifting blame? there’s gotta be something to blame here that isn’t me and that isn’t you. because it isn’t me. but it might be you.

but it feels like me sometimes. and maybe blame sits comfortably in the spaces i have carved in my ribs. but it cannot stay there. because it is not mine. i did not create this but i should end it. i should be the one to leave. you have enough of the blame for now. 

there was a moment's rest. just a small one, but a moment nonetheless. where my hands got to relax and i could sit my love down on the table. next to the sunflowers my mother picked straight from her garden. next to all the keys i’ve lost but know are somewhere. let it rest and let me rest with your head on my chest and everything i thought would never be mine. 

a moment's rest where my hands weren’t yearning for something. because there was a hand grasping for me, too. a different warmth. a softer warmth. one that sent goosebumps trailing after your fingers as you brushed them so lightly against my skin. one that made my skin ripple and rush in a way it never has before, knowing the hands long before i ever met them. 

your fingers knew my skin long before they touched it, love. and i can’t forget that. was it the same for you? was that love? baby, tell me if it was love, because it feels like it was love. 

no, no, i’m sorry. don’t answer that. i’m sorry, i shouldn’t of asked. love is not enough, we know this. we all know this. there are more factors than love. 

my fingers have since returned to stretching out to the sun just waiting for it to burn them. waiting for my skin to peel off. a new me. a fresh me. one that can pick it right back off the table and leave when i need to. 

the leaving is the hard part. you thought you got it but i’m sorry, no, i think this one is on me. always talking about ’leave before left’ but i didn’t think it was a race to the punchline. you ended it but now i have to figure out what to do with the connection. 

i don’t think you want me here. and i don’t have any right to want you to want me. 

and what is a connection, anyways? words are final and you’ve chosen yours without any new ones to say. 

[whzzes]

hey, isn’t that george weasley?  forgetting jokes, like, “ah shit, what was the punchline again?” because forget it, it’s not funny anymore anyways, / a flash of freckles & a furrowed brow behind overflowing stock, / quietly getting absolutely baked on an eclectic selection of edibles at any & all social events.

i'm two. haven't rped in a minute. used to mainly rp in hp, & nox looks swell. i'll be bringing george, nice 2 meet you all, fuck jkr, sorry i won't be formatting as much, like this to plot, etc etc.

angus cloud, cis male, he & him   /   this must be the place, by talking heads + forgetting jokes, like, “ah shit, what was the punchline again?” because forget it, it’s not funny anymore anyways, / a flash of freckles & a furrowed brow behind overflowing stock, / quietly getting absolutely baked on an eclectic selection of edibles at any & all social events.   ⧽   ━━   hey, isn’t that george weasley? i read a daily prophet article on them, once ; the twenty seven year old pure blood wizard is a gryffindor alumnus who has gone on to be a joke shop owner. i’ve heard they can be quite just & jocular, but i don’t know… they came off very reticent & removed in that interview. it really is hard to know what to believe these days though, isn’t it?   [ two, 26, utc +10, they & them   ]

some rough points,,

george, as all the girlies know, had the grip on the class clown character trope circa early 2010s. pranks, practical jokes, shenanigans. he still works @ weasleys wizard wheezes, though he's not on the floor as much & mainly spends time on the back end.

generally ━ george is easy going, a thrift store king, quietly always there for friends & fam, & lives to laugh even if they're fewer & farer between. lil bit of sarcasm, lil bit of finding it difficult to take some parts of life seriously in there somewhere.

but uhh hot take, we gotta talk about it at some point, a dead twin just makes stuff less funny. & if we're being honest, george always felt like he was the back up to fred's main event. not in any way that bothered him. fred made people laugh more, & george was just glad to be apart of the set up.

obviously, the events of the battle etc etc are all deeply painful & traumatising. there was a good year or two when he wasn't able to live with it & cope, could not tALK about it.. . simply could not talk about it w/out uggggly crying. and he moved back in with molly & arthur. george is currently at a point where he can work, function, pay his own rent, socialise, etc, mostly due to being in therapy & learning that grief just exists within his life. he's v careful about who with & how he talks about it, because it's ... .. . personal, & boundaries have helped him cope. so yea maybe he can seem a bit removed about it ?

cares & loves family & friends with his whooooole chest. depends on his friends, brothers, sister and parents HEAVILY & goes perhaps Above & Beyond to ensure they feel supported too.

george's newfound hobby is making his own edibles, which distracts a lil from his work. not only the making of, but the sampling.

.. . also never really liked or got used to being alone, weasleys unite. find him crashing on sofas, dropping round for tea, etc etc.