#MUSEUM DAYS W AMS ARE BEST DAYS

[reikunrei]

me yesterday: aw I hope I can draw with some colored pencils again soon

me the very next day: CAT BONES CAT BONES CAT BONES

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

well thats gotta be somewhat of a good sign

[fayes-fics]

Mrs Bridgerton

Mrs Bridgerton Masterpost

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, modern AU

Summary: Modern AU. Your ex-husband craves you in a way you had no idea about until one fateful call...

Warnings: 18+ smut, minors dni, explicit language and thoughts, dirty talk, sexting, sex tape, masturbation, pregnancy kink, smidge of breeding kink. Mentions of marriage, divorce, pregnancy, custody, parenting, heartbreak, emotions. Bit angsty maybe? Not sure.

Word Count: 4.3k

Authors Note: This is an anon request fill from January here. (tldr summary: ex-husband Benedict can't stop thinking about you) Nonny, I changed up a couple of details of your ask; the porn he watches is your old sex tapes from when you were married. Also, he doesn't call once he was spent; he accidentally calls very much in the act ;) I hope that is okay. Guys, I have no idea what this is; sorry. Thanks to @colettebronte for checking I haven't completely lost it and @eleanor-bradstreet for the gif used above. <3

“Mrs Bridgerton!.... Mrs Bridgerton!” A teacher calls out across the playing field as she jogs towards you. It takes you a few seconds to realise she is indeed addressing you. It's been a couple of years since you went by that name—almost a ghost from the past at this point.

“Ah, actually, it’s Ms y/l/n now,” you correct as she draws closer. “I’m, well, I’m divorced from Emilia’s dad,” you explain somewhat apologetically.

“Oh, I am so very sorry! I'm new here. I just asked her if her parents were here, and she pointed you out.”

“No, no, it’s okay. It's an entirely fair assumption to make,” you placate, shielding your eyes from the sun to catch Emilia's gaze and give her the thumbs up at the end of the grassy running track.

“Well, I just need one of you to sign this permission form for the trip to the Science Museum next week,” the teacher states, thrusting a clipboard towards you.

“Oh certainly, no problem,” you assure, taking the proffered pen and signing on the dotted line she indicates. You know how excited Emilia is about that upcoming trip, even though she insists on going to the museum with you or her father at least once every few months.

“Wonderful, thank you.”

You just nod as another teacher brings them all to the starting line with a blast from their whistle, and your focus shifts entirely to cheering on your five-year-old daughter in her first school race.

-----

He knows you haven't seen him, and he doubts even Emilia has clocked him, wearing a baseball cap pulled low as he is. He deliberately keeps a low profile when you arrive. He is here to see Emilia on her first sports day. Only that. Or so he keeps telling himself.

But then he sees you, and something in his stomach knots hard. It’s been more than two years, and still, every time, it floors him. A few months after your split, he took to using Eloise as the go-between for your shared custody arrangements and has never stopped. Since then, he has not seen you in person, too cowardly to face you. His biggest mistake was letting you go.

You met in your late twenties at a party hosted by mutual friends, and that night, he knew his life would never be the same. Something about the connection was instant and electric. He had the best sex of his life, right there in a spare room of a party. Both drunk and foolish, you didn't use protection. So it was only a few weeks into your burgeoning relationship when you found yourselves staring dumbfounded at a blue and white stick that would alter your lives forever. You married quietly two months later at the town hall, with just a few family members and close friends attending, neither of you wanting a big fuss. It was a big gamble in many ways, but you were both willing to try, crazily in love and filled with a youthful optimism that can be so blinding.

All was well until parenting a newborn drove you both to exhaustion and beyond. A wedge grew between you, even as your beautiful daughter developed into the best miniature version of both of you, with his beauty and your brains. You tried to make it work. But bickering about petty things and distancing became the only constant in your dynamic. Part of him had hoped Emilia would be enough glue to hold you together, but it was too much to pin on a small child. Just after her third birthday, he watched his world crumble as you tearfully packed up your possessions and took the light from his life with you.

And now. Now it's a regret that haunts him every day. Replaying the mistakes he made over and over, the ones that meant you slipped through his fingers. Too preoccupied with his career frustrations and plagued by chronic lack of sleep to realise the damage before it was irreparable. He knows now, too late, that with a little more effort and compromise, perhaps you would still be together as a family. He certainly never stopped loving and desiring you.

So when the teacher calls out Mrs Bridgerton, his heart almost stops beating and, to his shame, there is a stirring in his jeans. God, he wishes that was still your name, so much so there is a bitter taste in his mouth as he watches you correct the teacher in an endearingly accommodating way. A large part of him wants to leap up and grab you, lift you into his arms, beg that you use the name again. His name. But he doesn't; he just lingers in melancholic reverie, recalling with perfect clarity how it felt to push the white gold band shakily onto your left hand as you recited your vows.

Then with a sharp nearby whistle blow signifying the race start, his focus is pulled back to why he is here. His little wonder, the centre of his universe. Emilia Bridgerton. The most beautiful person on the planet. 

“Go, Emilia!!” he shouts, transfixed as his little girl moves out ahead of the pack, unthinking of anything but supporting his baby girl.

-----

Your head cuts to the side, and you freeze. You would recognise that voice anywhere. And how many Emilia’s can there be in the race?

He's not looking at you; his whole focus is on the field, but you can't seem to look away. Not even to watch your precious daughter. You haven't seen your ex-husband in more than two years. Using his sister as a go-between just seems like the best way to deal with your residual guilt about leaving him. But now? One look and your insides feel like you are falling down a chasm, lungs suddenly too small for the breaths you need to take.

Time seems to slow like molasses as you observe him. He’s wearing a baseball cap, almost akin to a disguise, but you can see underneath it that profile that still makes your heart flutter. Too much, really, considering you are exes. But his beauty was never the problem; it was part of the reason you always stayed. Those soulful eyes would draw you back every time. Those eyes that now haunt you daily, the Bridgerton genes far too strong not to override all of yours. Emilia is the prettiest little female version of your ex-husband you could ever imagine, and it's both your greatest joy and your greatest pain point, living with a growing reminder of the person who still owns your heart regardless of how much you might wish otherwise.

Looking back now, leaving him was an impetuous decision made from a place of utter exhaustion, not able to see a way out of the treadmill your lives had become at that time. But pride stopped you from admitting perhaps you made a mistake, serving divorce papers before you could think too hard about it. He didn't contest and agreed to all of your terms of custody without a fight. You didn't ask for spousal support; you earned more from employment anyway, most of his income coming from his trust. You never loved him for the Bridgerton name or fortune; in fact, sometimes, it felt like you loved him in spite of it. 

And now, one look at him, and you are breathless and in a complete emotional and, yes, physical quagmire. Your body yearning for him, your traitorous brain supplying image after tumbling image of intimacy, the likes of which you have never known before or since—warm bodies wrapped around each other in ecstasy, that velvet voice pleading with you to come with him, for him, always so eager. It makes your chest heave so hard you have to look away to regain composure, doing so just in time for the universe to seemingly return to normal speed, as you watch Emilia cross the line, victorious in her first-ever race. 

You cannot help it; you leap up and cheer too. And she looks over, beaming and jumping up and down. Running towards you and throwing herself into your arms as you kneel with a huge grin.

“Mummy mummy mummy!!” she peals excitedly, her breath gusting hard into your ear. “I did it! I won!”

“I know; well done!” you exclaim, rocking her happily in your arms. “You did wonderfully!!!”

“Did I see Daddy?” she asks, craning over your shoulder. You tense and swivel yourself to follow her eye line, but where he was standing just moments ago, there is now just an empty patch of grass.

“Oh, I don't think so, my love; it was probably someone else’s daddy who looks similar,” you suggest, the lie feeling odd on your tongue, It's obvious he doesn't want to be seen, and a part of you is grateful to avoid an awkward meeting. Emilia is still scanning the crowd, unconvinced by your assertion. “How about an ice cream from the van over there?” you offer cheerily, wanting to distract her from looking too hard for him.

“Okay!” she chimes happily, squirrelling a warm little hand into yours and pulling you towards the pedestrian gate. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you spy a navy blue Jaguar pulling out of the other gate and know without a doubt it was him.

-----

He couldn't do it. He thought he could, but he feels the weight of your stare and has to leave. The minute Emilia crosses the line, he gives a little victory punch and takes off. Not able to face you. So much of him wants to, but the gutless part of him apparently resides in his leg muscles. Before he knows it, he is in his car and pulling out onto the West London streets, not daring to look back. It's not his day to pick up Emilia; that's still two days away. He would not want you angry for overstepping the agreement you have in place.

As he pulls up at a traffic light, his phone pings a match on the dating app Anthony bullied him into downloading last week. The temptation to fling his phone right out the window is strong. The idea of being with someone else, especially after the tumult of seeing you today, just feels wrong. 

The only person he has slept with since your divorce was the second biggest mistake of his life. Someone he met at a bar celebrating Colin’s last birthday after too many whiskeys. A close enough facsimile to you that, through the haze of alcohol, he let himself be seduced. The lizard part of his brain somehow convinced it was you, even as she rode him in a way that chafed. Nothing like the way you moved, positively undulated, on his cock. Regret clung to his skin, the fug of hangover already kicking in as he watched her wordlessly re-dress and leave almost immediately, never exchanging numbers. He never saw her again. The fact he called your name as he came was probably the majority of the problem.

The only thing that stops him from flinging the phone is all the history it contains. Pictures of Emilia growing up from a tiny infant to now. But also his text exchanges with you, that increasingly he finds himself scrolling back through on self-indulgent nights, back to when things were good, and you would send each other little notes of love interspersed with sexting that; even now, he can barely read without getting hard. Unable to resist, as he waits for the light to go green, a dozen or more quick thumb flicks upwards on the thread for your previous number, and he finds some of his guilty pleasures.

8 March, 3:25 pm

Y/N: You had better plough me over the kitchen table when you get home xoxox

4 April, 5:02 pm

BB: Tough work day, need you, babe

Y/N: How’s this, daddy? 

Y/N: [photo of your naked glowing, slightly rounded pregnant body]

BB: Fucking helllllll, I am one lucky man

Y/N: Come home, fuck me, daddy

BB: You need to stop calling me that…

Y/N: Why? I am literally pregnant with your child.

BB: Yeah, and that’s why it's so wrong…

Y/N: Just get here, pls. I am so fucking wet….

He is pinch-zooming on the photo, head tilted, his tongue peeking out the corner of his mouth… when a car horn makes him jump, the phone slipping from his grip and falling onto his emergent hard-on. 

The traffic light has turned green. 

With an apologetic nod in the rearview mirror, he drives off, shaking his head, knowing it’s probably very wrong to be looking at pictures of you, his ex-wife, and wanting to fuck you so bad that his foot leans heavily on the accelerator. His blood pumping hard, already knowing he will be taking himself in hand the minute he gets to his place.

-----

Emilia is happily smushing the cone of her 99 ice cream in her little fist as you walk the few streets to your sister's place, where you left your car earlier. She has kindly agreed to let Emilia stay tonight and have a sleepover with her cousins. 

Later, you have your first date since your divorce, and you’ll probably need the rest of the late afternoon to psych yourself up enough to go. You've already cried off so many matchmaking attempts that you had to say yes eventually, just to stop the incessant badgering from all angles. Strangely, this one is Eloise’s doing, and you are still slightly weirded out that your ex-husband’s sister is engineering your first date in more than seven years.

Waving goodbye a few minutes later, you slip into your car and sit for a few deep calming inhales, trying not to think of how much Benedict stole your breath earlier. Some part of you thinks maybe you just imagined him there, a fevered mirage, your subconscious telling you to cancel this stupid date idea and stay home with your two best friends, Ben and Jerry. But then Ameila seemed to think he was there too, and honestly, it feels like you don't know what to do about anything anymore. 

-----

He wastes no time, flinging aside the cap, tossing his car keys onto the hallway table and sprinting upstairs to his bedroom, only pausing to insert his noise-cancelling earbuds and discard his clothing.

He is already leaking a little when he throws himself onto the bed and fists his cock with a groan. His other hand is hovering over the play button on the video he definitely knows he shouldn't be watching, hidden in a nondescript folder.

Your soft giggle tickles his eardrums as the video jolts to life. It's one he shot of you on his phone on your honeymoon—it’s one of his favourites lately.

“Bennnnn,” your voice a teasing murmur as the screen fills with a glimpse of your breasts, his hand trying to take a sweeping shot of your body as you writhe underneath him, both of you buried in a soft glow under a tent of sheets wrapped around your bodies.

His own younger self chuckles loud in his ears, behind the camera as he is, both of your breaths loud as the movement becomes more pronounced.

This is him fucking you and filming it. The camera pans down, and there, almost too tough to see in the grainy low light, is his cock surging into you; the shot is never still enough to see in full detail.

Somehow the lack of clarity makes it more of a turn-on. Benedict whines low as his hand moves in a firm motion, jerking hard, losing himself in reminiscence of what it is like to be buried inside you, your scent, younger you panting hard, pleading quietly for him.

His hand speeds up, and he gasps as the video grows more urgent, the noises so loud right in his ear. He can hear the delicious sound of your wet cunt around his shaft, and it's like a sense memory, that viscous heated cling he can never forget.  

“Ben, oh god Ben, you are so good, fuck me harder,” younger you moans loudly on the video, and both Benedicts, the old and new, couldn't resist that siren call.

“Y/n, oh god, give me your all, y/n,” Benedict growls, screwing his eyes shut, just relying on the auditory experience of the video now. 

But not realising with his slurred speech; it's just given his phone a command…

-----

You are driving towards your place when your hands-free car display lights up with the last name you expect.

Benedict.

Your stomach plunges. Just like earlier when you found yourself staring at him and reimagining so many things you know you shouldn't. You reach over and click the little green button to connect the call, heart in your mouth.

“Ben?” you say his name softly, almost timid. Worried about what it might mean after that strange non-encounter less than an hour ago.

The noise that greets you makes every hair stand on end. It's a throaty groan. He seems to hiss your name, and all you do is frown as your car speakers vibrate with the sound.

“Ben, are you okay?” you check.

“Oh god, I am more than okay, baby,” he growls, and every inch of your body is rioting. “Just please, please don't stop, fuck you feel so good. So tight and hot. I want to live inside you,” the words panted, desperate.

Your foot slips hard on the pedal, and you almost crash into a damn tree. 

-----

Your voice sounds different in his ear, and there is a background hum that wasn't there before, but he is so close to something so intoxicating he doesn't think to open his eyes and check the video.

“Talk to me,” he pleads low, knowing you on the video won't respond but somehow still wanting to talk to you regardless, “tell me how you feel.”

There is silence and then a slight shaky exhale. 

“Ben.”

“Yes, yes, yes, say my name,” he pleads, leaking over his own knuckle as his hand becomes a frenzy on his cock.

-----

You pull over, quaking. There is only one reason he uses that tone. That's his bedroom voice, and fuck if it doesn't make you as weak now as it did back then. You can only assume his phone has accidentally dialled you while he is what? Masturbating? You flush so hotly at the very thought, and yet you can’t school what you say next. Your treacherous libido taking command of your lips.

“Are you touching yourself for me, Ben?” you breathe, and your clothing suddenly feels too tight, too hot.

Your speakers vibrate your seat as he groans loud and lewdly, and it's a beeline straight for your clit, now throbbing insistently against your car seat.

“Yes baby,” he moans and now, in the background, you can hear it, a slight slapping sound, his cock passing through his fist. 

Your pussy clenches instinctually, and you feel a heavy pull, a depth charge of lust. Your lips tingle with the thought of kissing him, running your mouth over his body, wrapping around that cock you remember so well.

“I want you to come for me, Ben,” you plead, a hand straying down between your thighs, scarcely believing what is happening, what you are doing so brazen, parked up on the street mid-afternoon on a Wednesday.

“I will; oh god, I'm going to come so hard,” he snarls. “Do you want it inside you?”

Your fingers glance your clit over your yoga pants, and the heat is overwhelming. “Yes, Ben,” you pant, “inside me, give it to me, give me more of your beautiful babies.”

What you are saying is taboo. And so truthful you don't think to censor it. You would bear as many children as he wants to fuck into you. Still, even now.

“But you are already pregnant with my baby darling,” his voice taking on a softer edge, more wistful, “and you look so, so beautiful.”

You freeze.

“Benedict?” you say quietly.

“Yes, my love,” he purrs.

“Who do you think you are speaking to?” your ask is awkward, screwing your eyes shut, your hand moving away from the apex of your thighs. Suddenly mortified, perhaps it's not you that he thinks he is speaking to after all. Oh shit, did he get someone else pregnant? The panicked bile rises until he sighs the following words.

“Y/n, my wife, my life. God, I miss you so much. I know this must be a fever dream; I know we didn't talk like this in the video, but fuck if it doesn't sound so real,” he ends so wistfully.

“What video?” your question is slow, a weird weight on your chest that is your heart pounding out of control.

“Our honeymoon, darling,” he moans, and you can hear he is still masturbating, although slower-paced now. “When you let me video us fucking. I watch it so much these days that I'm surprised it's not worn out. And yet I can't not; every time I fuck my fist, it's to you.”

“You watch us? Every time you…?” your hand clutching your chest now.

“Yes, my love. I miss you so so much. I should never have let you go. You are my angel, the love of my life, the mother of my child and the only person I ever, ever want to fuck.”

The confession knocks your whole world off its axis. And you crave him. The feeling is so utterly all-consuming you struggle to take your next breath. You have to go to him. You have to see him. It's not even a choice not to. Every fibre of your being needs him.

“Ben,” you murmur, “don't come for me yet; I want to fuck you.”

“You do?” the hope in that gasp makes you lightheaded.

“Yes,” you breathe, “I miss your cock so much.”

You scramble to throw the car into gear and pull out into traffic. You are about a minute's drive away or less if he is home. Something in your movements so very urgent.

“Tell me what you are doing,” you whisper, trying your best to pitch the ask just the right level of seductive as you race down the road, turning into his street.

“I’m fucking my fist,” he moans, “but I wish it were you, my love.”

“I'm almost there,” you pant, pulling into his driveway with almost a squeal of tyres. You grab your phone and jump out of your car, crushing the handset to your ear as you run up to his front door and punch in a code, hoping it's still the one he uses. The crest of victory is palpable as the lock beeps and relents, the door popping open.

“Keep stroking yourself gently,” you order as you close the door and start to disrobe as you bound up the stairs.

“Y/n…” his voice is suddenly tremulant “this…. This isn't a dream, is it?”

“No, Ben, it's not,” you breathe, and you are down to your underwear as you skid into his bedroom, panting.

His eyes are wide with shock as you stride across the room, his cock still in hand and utterly naked; he looks just as delicious as the day you married him.

“Hello, Mr Bridgerton,” you purr.

“Y/n,” he stutters, and it's everything—surprise, desire, hope, relief, yearning and ardent.

“Call me Mrs Bridgerton,” you shoot back, and the responding noise he makes is so utterly feral you almost orgasm without so much as touching him.

-----

Eight months later

“Emilia, not there,” Benedict chuckles good-naturedly.

“Then where daddy?” her pout turns epic as she hands the offending item to him. “You do it!” she huffs.

“Okay, hold still,” he laughs and slides the small tiara into her hair. “See? Just perfect,” he opines, dropping a kiss onto her chestnut tresses.

“I look like a princess!” Emilia exclaims proudly, twisting to look into the mirror.

“Yes, you do,” Benedict concurs. “A pretty princess bridesmaid.”

“The prettiest,” you agree from the doorway, and both heads turn around and greet you with mouths that gape open.

“Oh, Mummy, you look like a real princess!” Emilia gasps, running towards you and giving you a quick hug before skipping out of the room gleefully as her grandmother Violet calls her name from downstairs.

“You look breathtaking,” his tone full of wonderment as he slowly gets to his feet, his eyes never leaving you. “But isn't it bad luck for me to see you like this?” he adds with a flash of concern.

You move towards him, and him towards you, drawn together. “I think we’ve had all the bad luck we are going to have,” you smirk, very much enjoying the sight of him in a sharp, custom-tailored suit. “At least I hope so, seeing as we have this thing to deal with,” you raise an eyebrow, pointing to your five-month bump.

“Thing? Darling, I thought we agreed; his name is Henry,” he sighs in mock indignation, his large hands skating around the swell of your belly, his lips warm on your temple.

“When did I agree to that name?” you frown amiably.

“Last night,” he responds silkily, right into your ear now.

“Oh no, you can’t possibly hold me to that,” you decry. “Anything said when inside me is null and void, Mr Bridgerton; you know I can barely remember my own name at that point.”

His rich chuckle vibrates against your whole body. “Well, let me remind you….”

“I’m listening,” you sigh, eyes closing as you sway into his hot neck kisses.

“It's Mrs Bridgerton,” he rumbles. “Or it will be again in about an hour.”

“I can't wait”, you whisper. “Say it again.”

“Mrs Bridgerton,” A dark, slow tease. 

You are almost late for your own (second) wedding just downstairs.

Benedict taglist: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @margofiore @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @bridgertontess @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @angels17324 @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @benedictspaintbrush @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @lilithseve @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @truly-dionysus

[yourmidnightlover]

timeless - ch. 2

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

series summary: you, bucky and steve were the best of friends growing up. what happens when you're assigned to be a war nurse for the 107th? what happens when bucky finds himself 70 years later with scattered memories of the girl who brought him so much comfort? will your love for each other remain after all of the pain you've been put through? will your love for each other remain timeless?

chapter summary: this chapter is set during civil war when bucky and steve are reunited.

warnings: classing mcu violence, guns, mention of headshots (of the other supersoldiers from HYDRA), death, HYDRA talk, talk of assassins, please let me know if i've missed anything!

w/c: 2.1k+

a/n: hiii! i've missed writing so so much but i've finally finished the second chapter of this series! i'm so excited for it and already have so much planned. it's loosly accurate, but it definitely goes off course with the actual plot the mcu has. so THIS IS NOT CANON. i am making some of it up, mostly towards the end and bits and pieces about the reader being involved in anything. this chapter ALSO doesn't have reader in it because this part is largely the development of how they realize that reader is still alive... you'll understand once you begin reading. anywho, i hope you lovely people enjoy reading!

<- chapter 1 ~ chapter 3 ->

“which bucky am i talking to?” steve chided bucky as his arm remained in a vice. his voice remind still and steady as if his emotions hadn’t been the victim of intense whiplash from trying to get his old pal back.

“your mom’s name is sarah,” he had what almost seemed like a grin as he continued, “you used to wear newspaper in your shoes.” 

“can’t read that in a museum,” he tilted his head with an almost grimace, recalling the days when he was a few feet shorter and far less invincible. 

“wh-just like that, we’re supposed to be cool?” sam questioned incredulously, reasonably so. sam had no reason to trust bucky. he was never once his best friend. he didn’t know the lengths bucky and steve used to go to to protect one another. 

“what did i do?” bucky could tell by sam’s reaction that yet another bad deed had occurred at his hand, the one that he wasn’t even born with.

“enough.”

“oh god,” bucky sighed as he threw his head back. “i knew this would happen. everything HYDRA put inside me is still there… all he had to do is say the goddamn words,” bucky’s face filled with self-hatred that was all too familiar.

“who was he?” 

steve knew bucky would understand who he was talking about. hell, the man knew his trigger words, bucky wishes he knew who the fuck he was. it pained him that after years of not knowing who he was, being used as a mere object for a terrible agenda, he finally escaped… only to be used once more by a complete stranger.

“i don’t know.”

“people are dead,” steve leveled with bucky as if he wasn’t aware of the magnitude this all has come to. “the bombing, the setup, the doctor did all that just to get 10 minutes with you. i need you to do better than ‘i don’t know.’”

“he-he wanted to know about siberia, where i was kept,” bucky recalled. “he wanted to know exactly where.”

“why would he need to know that?” 

“because i’m not the only winter soldier.”

“what?” sam was in disbelief, his voice going into a higher pitch than steve had probably eer heard. 

“but, steve,” bucky was confused about what he was even supposed to say, how to say what he needed to. hell, he didn’t even know exactly what he knew. “my memories, they’re coming back all… jumbled. it’s like i remember pieces before the fall and then some when i was under HYDRA’s control and i can’t tell which is which. it’s like they’re getting all confused.”

“buck, what’re you trying to say here?” steve wanted bucky to tell him whatever it was he needed to, they had other pressing matters to get to the bottom of.

“you remember y/n, right?”

“how could i forget?” he smiled fondly. “she-she died, though? back when-”

“that’s what i thought too,” bucky shook his head. “but i keep seeing her in the memories with HYDRA. not from the war, not from brooklyn, it’s distinctly HYDRA, but i don’t know how much of my memories i can trust.”

steve took a step back from bucky, trying to analyze what he was implying. trying to decipher what it meant if HYDRA had taken you for all this time too. that means you must have the serum in your veins as well, but how? 

were you being used like bucky in all of HYDRA’s plans? this was all so confusing to him, bucky too. 

“who’s y/n?” sam asked, his arms thrown up in utter bewilderment. 

“she was our best friend,” steve filled in for bucky after a pause, the man clearly not able to accurately describe what you were to him. “she meant a lot to us, but we thought she died back in the war…”

“so that’s not the case? i’m assuming, based on cyborg here?” sam motioned to bucky, clearly confused as to how many people seem to come back to life or survive far past their expiration date here. 

“do you know if she’s still in siberia?” 

“after a while, the i stopped seeing the people in siberia. but i remember being with her a lot more… i don’t know what she did for HYDRA, but i don’t think she’s there,” bucky couldn’t look at steve as he tried to explain where his best friend was. 

“if she’s not there, then HYDRA surely isn’t doing anything good to her in your absence.”

“that’s what i’m most worried about.”

“those other soldiers… who were they?” steve wondered

“their most elite death squad. more kills than anyone in HYDRA history, and that was before the serum.”

“they all turn out like you?” sam sassed.

“worse.”

“the doctor, could he control them?”

“enough.”

steve shook his head, perplexed as he added, “said he wanted to see an empire fall.”

“with these guys he could do it. they speak 30 languages, can hide in plain sight, infiltrate, assassinate, destabilize. they can take a whole country down in one night and you’d never see them coming.”

“this would’ve been a lot easier a week ago,” sam mentions primarily to steve.

“if we call tony…” 

“no, he won’t believe us,” sam cut steve’s idea short.

“even if he did-”

“who knows if the accords would let him.”

steve sighed, his head low as if he had been defeated, “we’re on our own.”

“maybe not,” sam had a sly smirk on as he finished, “i know a guy.”

-

after meeting with sharon carter, an easy fight with most of the avengers, and hijacking the quinjet, steve and bucky were on their own, hurtling towards siberia and a few of the world’s best unknown assassins.

bucky didn’t understand why he couldn’t pinpoint where he had known you from. all he can tell is that you were practically everywhere. because of that, part of him thinks you might’ve just been a figment of his imagination, creating a sense of comfort from one of the only people he’s ever truly cared about in the midst of his pain and the chaos HYDRA forced him to impose on the innocent. 

but if that were the case, then shouldn’t he recall more of steve as well? 

“what’s gonna happen to your friends?” bucky asked, hoping the people who put their necks on the line for him, for his best friend, would be alright. 

“whatever it is…” steve shook his head with a heavy heart. “i’ll deal with it.”

all bucky could think about was the pain of the last 70 years, but not his own. he was thinking of all the memories he’s had surface already of him harming those who didn’t deserve it, as if anyone deserved for their lives to be taken. 

“i’m don’t know if i’m worth all this, steve,” he shook his head adamantly.

“what you did all those years…” he looked thoughtfully before turning slightly to face bucky. “it wasn’t you. you didn’t have a choice.”

“i know, but i did it.”

-

once they landed atop the mountain, they went to the back to unload a few weapons and headed inside the already open door. 

“he can’t have been here a couple hours.”

“long enough to wake ‘em up,” bucky tilted his head with a grimace, not knowing if he selfishy hoped you were there or hoped you weren’t included in the infamous group of th world’s best assassins.

heading further down the corridor, they come face to face with the one, the only, iron man.

tony heads towards steve and retracts his helmet to greet the men. “you seem a little defensive,” he gestures towards bucky, who’s gun remained aimed at the red-suited man. 

“it’s been a long day,” steve sighed to try and reason with tony, thinking he was here to take him and his fugitive pal in for good.

“at ease, soldier. i’m not currently after you,” tony stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

bucky was still confused, watching the two men interact and trying to figure out his place in their conversation, but opting to simply observe and keep his gun raised in defense.

“then why’re you here,” steve asked the question bucky was also wondering, himself.

“could be your story’s not so crazy… maybe,” tony rolled his eyes as he continued. “ross has no idea i’m here, so i’d like to keep it that way.otherwise, i gotta arrest myself…” he trailed off on that note.

“well, that sounds like a lot of paperwork,” steve finally lowered his shield. “it’s good to see you, tony,” he addressed the man after figuring out it wasn’t ‘iron man’ coming to him. it was only tony.

“you too, cap,” his attention was brought to bucky after noticing his weapon was still ready to fire, pointed right at him. “hey, manchurian candidate, you’re killing me. there’s a truce here,” tony motioned to himself and steve to emphasize his point. “you can lower…” steve signalled for bucky to loer his weapon, so he did. 

the three continued their way into the bunker, trying to be ready for whatever was awaiting them. 

“i got heat signatures,” tony said after scanning the room.

“how many?”

“uh… one,” with that, the three enter the room. 

hazy yellowed lights flickered on as a speaker began to crackle to life. looking around, the soldiers were still secure in their capsules, but the only one they could see clearly had a bullet straight through their head.

“if it’s any comfort, they died in their sleep,” they recognized zemo’s voice over the speaker. bucky looked in the other capsules, ensuring your corpse wasn’t in any of the capsules. “did you really think i wanted more of you?” zemo scoffed.

“what the hell?” bucky was confused at the actions of the man before him. if he didn’t want to control some of the stronged people in the world, what did he want from killing them?

“i’m grateful to them though, they brought you here,” he chuckled slyly as the other men rolled their eyes and huffed at his secrecy. steve had launched his shield at the booth that zemo was in, only for it to come ricocheting back towards him. “please, captain. the soviets built this chamber to withstand the launch blast of UR-100 rockets.”

“i’m betting i could beat that,” tony piped in, raising his hand, ready to shoot beams through the glass. 

“oh, i’m sure you could, mr. stark, given time,” he nodded in agreement, leaving tony to lower his hand in bewilderment. “but then you’d never know why you came.”

“you killed innocent people in vienna just to bring us here?” 

“i thought about nothing else for over a year. i studied you. i followed you,” he was droning on and on about how dedicated he had been. “but now that you're standing here, i just realized . . . there's a bit of green in the blue of your eyes. how nice to find a flaw,” it was mockery for him to stand there as if he had superiority.

“you’re sokovian, is that what this is about?” steve simply wanted answers from the man who was only speaking in puzzles.

“sokovia was a failed state long before you blew it to hell. no. i'm here because i made a promise.”

“you lost someone?” steve filled in the blanks that zemo clearly had no intention of confessing.

“i lost everyone,” he made eye contact with bucky before he continued, “and i think you’ll be thrilled to know that you haven’t lost everyone, yet.”

“you know where she is, don’t you?” bucky strode towards the glass that was protecting zemo. “where the hell is she?!” his fist slammed against the glass. 

“now, now,” he rose his hands and gestured for bucky to calm down. “that’s no way to get information out of someone, although, i guess that never was your specialty, was it?” 

“did you do something to her?” his voice was a low growl. “i swear to god if you touched a hair on her head-!” 

“i didn’t do anything to her, yet, mr. barnes,” he continued to patronize the man. 

“buck,” steve placed his hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down. “he wants you to react. he wants to upset you. don’t give him what he wants.”

bucky turns to face steve, “if he knows where she is-”

“we’ll find her on our own,” steve nodded, trying to get bucky to remain calm. “we don’t need him to manipulate us to get things figured out.”

“look, icicle,” tony chided in, “i’ll use all of my resources to help find this girl of yours - whoever she is.”

tags:

@cjand10

@coldheartedmar

[aureatchi]

there exists a love △ between two of the most dangerous manipulators. . .and a girl who could outsmart them both.

EXPLAIN 𝐹𝒴𝒪𝒵𝒜𝐼 + 𝑅𝐸𝒱𝐸𝑅𝐼𝐸 ? “she chose me.” “did she?”; academia!au; stealing you from the other to dance; yearning through sketching & writing poems; trying to outsmart each other to show off to you. carmine red.

♬: danse macabre, smells like teen spirit instr. (nirvana), headlock (imogen heap), monster; bad romance (lady gaga), i want it all demo #2; when the world was at war we just kept dancing (ldr), cleared (lilithzplug), kitchen (kid cudi), genie in a bottle (christina aguilera), home (depeche mode).

ෆ࣪ . 𓏲ּ ᥫ᭡ ₊ 𝐹𝒴𝒪𝐸𝑅𝐼 : 𝐅𝐘𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑 + 𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄

“THE SUMMER’S HOT BUT I’VE BEEN COLD WITHOUT YOU. . .I WAS SO WRONG NOT TO DOUBT YOUR MEDELLÍN, TANGERINE DREAMS.” — 𝒮𝒜𝐿𝒱𝒜𝒯𝒪𝑅𝐸.

(childhood friends; mortal!au) → enemies → lovers.

chivalry in a dead world. words of endearment but in tongues only he could understand. would gift the earth and your other favorite celestial body if he could. admiring the other in silence. shared book annotations and discussions of their philosophical undertones. the absolute best to spend white xmas together.

ultraviolence (ldr); rose adagio (tchaikovsky); me and your mama (childish gambino); the phantom of the opera (alw); wicked game (chris isaak); knee socks (am); enjoy the silence (depeche mode); nfwmb (hozier); if u think i’m pretty (artemas); no time to die (billie eilish).

TAG. #ಇ. fyoeri ﾉ FICS. museum date . . . ﾉ ART. 1

+ BRIDESMAID’S (gn) WEDDING GIFTS. renaissance!artist (rusmii) fallen!angel (chuuyrr)

♫₊ ⊹ “IF FYOERI WAS A MOVIE” (by redamantiya)

࣪˖ ᡣ𐭩 ་༘ 𝒟𝒜𝒵𝐸𝑅𝐼 : (PM BOSS) 𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈 + 𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄

“I CAN SEE YOUR WINGS” “AND EVEN THOUGH WE LIVE INSIDE. . .A DANGEROUSLY EMPTY LIFE, YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO BRING ME LIGHT.” — 𝒜𝒩𝒢𝐸𝐿.

rivals → lovers → exes → lovers.

“if death do us part, i will find you in every lifetime,” in every universe. drawn back, no matter the organization. vulnerable conversations amidst physical touch. fixing his suit tie while he ties/straps your shoes. lupin dates. no enemy lays a finger on you. dinner parties and jazz. cloudy days at the beach. dancing in the rain.

venice (ldr); a night to remember (beabadoobee, laufey); meddle about (chase atlantic); arabella (am); she’s my collar (gorillaz, kali uchis); agora hills (doja cat); flawless; baby came home 2 (the neighbourhood); pretty; as you are (the weeknd); japanese denim (daniel caesar).

TAG. #ఌ︎. dazeri ﾉ FICS. -

© AUREATCHI 2024 — no reposts. do not steal or take inspo from anything w/out asking. all graphics mine; don’t save. dazai & fyodor art: @/keikicola (twt). no translations.

*le rêverie upside down on dazai’s to symbolize a (emphasis of) different universe. ;p

[l0serloki]

VAL-entines

Valorant Valentine Headcanons!

(Chamber, Sova, Fade, KJ)

CW : Eating (Chamber), cliches, not fully proofread

A/N : I’m somewhat back from the dead! Wooo! I mashed my foot earlier in the month and had to deal with dentist stuff, as you all know. Then someone I knew as a kid passed away and other stresses came up. I am doing better now though! I hope you enjoy these blurbs & you all had a great Valentines day. Sorry it’s late!

Chamber : 

He will ALWAYS spoil you. It’s not subjugated to just Valentines!

You wake up to a nice breakfast and kisses across your cheeks. After all, it is the day for love!

You best believe that he thought out every gift as well. You mentioned a shirt you wanted? It’s there. Stressed with work? You guys are going on a trip!

The day is lovely and the dinner.. Spectacular. Like the meticulous planner he is, everything is in place.

“My my dear, if I didn’t know myself I’d say you love me.. Heh. Of course you do.”

“W-What?” Your eyes creaked open, the morning light blinding you. Chamber’s sweet chuckle warmed your heart.

“Good morning, my dear. Happy Valentine’s Day.” The mans lips danced across your forehead as you attempted to wake up. You stretched your back, humming back to him. 

A board was shuffled towards you, Vincent dropping it on your lap. You raised an eyebrow before looking down. To your surprise he had made you breakfast in bed! As stereotypical and cheesy as it was, you weren’t complaining. Vincent’s cooking was always the best. The thought of him waking up early to surprise you only made you more keen to eat.

You leaned over to give the man a kiss, mumbling a thank you. Valentine’s Day would definitely be wonderful!

Sova : 

SUPER SWEET DATE TIME!

He would take you to a museum!! I like to think he enjoys learning about history/art in his spare time. Not to mention sharing & hearing what you have to say!

After this he would be sure to take you to the closest cafe and pay for your meal. He insists! After all, you’re his biggest present on Valentines! <3

You two walk down the streets just talking & reliving memories together! He is so happy to call you his.

“Reminds me a bit of home.” Sova said as the two of you looked at a painting. It was serene, the snow fading onto the ground. His arm wrapped around your shoulder as you two made your way down the halls. The paintings flooded your view, memories expanding in your mind. It was nice to see Sova so relaxed, not letting the team and his duties get to him. 

“This is nice, no?” He grinned, lips meeting yours for a quick peck as you made your way out. 

“Yes, a nice break away. Obviously this is the best Valentines yet for you. You’re blessed with me now.” You elbowed the man, watching as his face contorted in laughter. 

“Of course. And to many more, my dove.” 

Fade :

OMG. She is such a sweetheart.

Expect handmade gifts! She wants you to know how much you mean to her & what better way than making you stuff! It’s more meaningful.

She will be super affectionate too. Be kind, she’s so happy to have you. You’re her daydream in a world of nightmares <3

If you’re okay with it, she would love to go on a picnic date! It’s a bit cliche but she loves being able to set it up, eat, and spend alone time with you.

Please just spoil her!! She deserves all the love she can get!

“Y/N.. Happy Valentines Day. I love you.” Fade’s hand brushed your cheek, leaning in to give you a quick peck. You could only grin at your girlfriend, pulling her into your embrace.

“Thanks, honey. I love you too!” You squeezed her frame, wishing nothing more than to stay this close. Her hands rubbed circles against the flesh of your back, breath tickling your neck. Much to your dismay, she stepped back to look at you. A small smile found its way upon her face. 

“As much as I love these moments, I made you something!” 

Fade hands you some knitted goods, smiling as your eyes widen in surprise. She was truly talented! Your heart thumped as you thought of all the time and effort she must’ve put into them. All those visits with Omen made sense!

“Love, these are beautiful..” You leaned in to give the woman a kiss, showing all your bustling feelings. 

Killjoy :

KJ tries her best.. Really!

She made you a few electronic cards, even some cheesy photo books too!

We won’t talk about how she almost burnt the kitchen down in attempts to make you food.. It’s the thought that counts?

She would prefer to stay home and cuddle, but she will gladly do anything you like!

Indulge her in a lot of hugs and kisses and all will be fine with her!

“Y/N! Get up, the day has started!” KJ pushed at you, pulling a groan from your tired form. On days that she wasn’t in her nocturnal schedule she felt the need to wake you up. You turned, meeting eyes with said woman.

“Good morning!” She leaves kisses down your cheeks, head cuddling into your neck. You rubbed your hand through her hair, adjusting so she could be more comfortable. She was like a golden retriever always looking for attention. 

“Mmm good morning, love.” You snorted at her yawn. So much for waking you up.

Her breaths became shallow as she started drifting back to dreamland. She was always ready for a nap.

“Maybe another hour or two and then we can go celebrate? I love you..” She mumbled into your skin as she dozed off. You shook your head, whispering your adorations back to her. She was truly something else.

[blankvort]

tangentially animal-related hcs 4 the mean girls crew bc i am now responsible for giving a goldfish daddy issues

cady

inexplicably allergic to dogs and always in the first four stages of grief about it. don’t @ me about the medical semantics i just want her to suffer a little

tried to get a job at petco the second she turned eighteen but learned of the above information in the most destructive job interview since janis’s application to be the local coffee shop’s cool gay barista (they were worried that she’d swear at fighter-jet-takeoff volumes if she touched hot coffee) (she did, but only because they started playing a shitty pop cover of one of damian’s fave show tunes) and came out of the building a puddle of mucous and tears

grossly fascinated by the grossest of primitive functions. her insta page is all dope and authentic until you find a selfie taken using the back camera 0.5x with the corpse of an effervescent snail and a bunch of reels telling you how to narrow down what bird species are destroying your garden by the splay of their shit

has a miniature aneurysm whenever movies get stuff wrong about animals. artistic liberties are granted to janis alone. like sure if she’s in the theater she’ll sit through the movie fisting popcorn down her throat but as soon as she gets out of there the entire mall becomes a soapbox for dissecting the bullshit sexual dimorphism of giving female animals eyeliner

thus while i know the headcanon of her loving the lion king is basically canon i think she’s absurdly secretive about it. like she’s burying her merchandise and blu-ray copies under her bed in the dead of night while secreting more sweat than should be possible. she could come out to her parents and elope to antarctica no problem but liking the lion king which implies that lighter manes = stronger lions is a death sentence

probably got banned from a bunch of zoos for interrupting field trips 

janis

had one of those angel/wolf/dragon/whatever hybrid phases as a kid like all good artists. did those like. not quite furry but not quite human animal art commissions on twitter for a while for the funnies but discovered a lucrative market and never turned back

does not know how to hold human or animal babies. like she’s good at taking care of them in terms of general physical and intellectual nourishment but that limp wrist is not supporting any necks properly

mercilessly makes fun of the whole “would you love me if i was a worm” trend. she doesn’t even love most humans what makes you think she has any answer for you regarding that other than that she’d turn you into a super deep art piece museums would purchase for exorbitant amounts

that being said she feels like a vivarium girlie to me. she’s nocturnal like a pillbug and post-canon constantly tries to convince the plastics that her pacman frog is poisonous

feeds her meticulously decorated ant farm gourmet meals every day. anyone else gets microwavable mac and cheese at best

this one probably won’t make sense unless you’re a jenny nicholson fan but she has a fake id for buying wine and turning the corks into those hallmark craft animal sculptures (and selling the open wine bottle to mrs george in back alleys)

damian

his grandma owns the most omnicidal chihuahua in the state of chicago. it’s how he learned to dance with such mental and physical dexterity. how else would he have survived visits to the nursing home

^ attempted to adopt the chihuahua’s children to have his own bruiser woods moment. turns out, even with his classically trained tenor voice, puppies and janis respond to the “drop it” command much the same way. that is to say they do not drop it and the puppies ran away with ninety nine per cent of his anastasia-inspired music box memorabilia

has a love-hate relationship with cats the musical. like memory is one of his top ten karaoke songs but he’s not going to admit it until he’s several fruity seltzers into the night. wishes all the actors in the movie had been replaced with real cats picked off the street before anything else was approved

played milky white in a scammy local production of into the woods and so so so embarrassed about it. he had to be on stilts the whole show

stuck a fish in regina’s backpack sometime in sophomore year but found karen feeding it and talking to it about her worst fears and greatest dreams felt too guilty to continue with the next phase of his plan (sticking a very hot picture of janis in regina’s backpack) (karen probably would’ve tried to talk to the photo too)

regina

musical specific but i think she didn’t Exactly do a matching animal costume with gretch and karen because 1) what can you dress up as when your friends are going as a cat and a mouse. cheese? 2) had cady not moved into the neighborhood, she’d have gone as a sexy lion to ease into the prospect of. you know. with shane oman but going as a sexy lion when your shiny new homoerotic frenemy has a lion pin on half her clothing isn’t quite a non-questionable choice

had a warrior cats phase she keeps under lock and key in the very depths of her closet. her closet is an iceberg of issues that goes shein -> homosexuality -> warrior cats and climate change is doing a number on it

fried a couple of janis’s ants alive with a magnifying glass sometime before middle school. she’s never flirted normally in her life

the bulk of janis’s furry commission clientele. she has so many emails for alternate accounts that she could get every american president ever suspended from twitter if national security let her. that’s including the dead ones

remember the nigh-rabid chihuahuas damian had. yeah she’s been raising those in secret for a few years now. mrs george doesn’t notice because regina hides them in her hair and extensions are, like, totally in or whatever

had a horse girl phase. all her drawings of horses came out like this meme tho. the art freaks nickname was born out of jealousy

gretchen

chose to be a sexy cat for halloween to match with karen because she has no sense of identity. also because she remembers regina’s warrior cats phase

actually a guinea pig person. i’ve never met a guinea pig person but she feels like one. they’re both in dire need of daily interaction and likely polyamorous

but also peri-canon gretchen could not keep a pet alive she’d spend every cent of the wieners fortune on buying the animal’s love

speaking of. her family bought a stable to fuel “her” horse girl phase. she just wanted to make regina happy and couldn’t stay on a saddle if there was an escalator that plopped her right on the horse

cares about the puppy bowl more than she cares about the superbowl

instinctively pets cute animals. if they bite her then she deserved it

karen

chose to be a sexy mouse for halloween because tom and jerry was having a media marathon and she’s into that sort of power dynamic

believes in unicorns more than she believes in horses. this is because she had a horse girl phase for the hottest of seconds before realizing that none of the ponies at the apache trail sale had horns and thought they had their horns cut off for aesthetic reasons

animals love her so much. survived a jellyfish attack because the jellyfish sensed she just wanted to pet something shiny and absolutely respected that. pests of all shapes and sizes evict themselves stat when karen says her mom doesn’t appreciate her hundred thousand dollar lotions being invaded by peril-bringing insects. strays follow her 24/7. gretchen is jealous (of the animals)

thinks tigers are very sick zebras

thinks blobfish are cuter when they’re all flesh putty out of their natural habitats but would also break into a zoo if she thought the animals were being mistreated

was banned from australia at the age of eight because she tried to have a sleepover in a kangaroo’s pouch

aaron

mean girls insta described him as a golden retriever so i’m also hcing him as being allergic to dogs <3 equality

becomes deeply fearful of all fauna after falling into a research rabbit hole for the sake of connecting with cady. what do you mean buffalo are some of the deadliest beasts on the planet and not just a type of chicken wing

kevin g

a preteen vsco girl in her granola advocacy era stuck in a teenage boy’s body. he has saved more turtles than any natucate volunteer by repurposing his rejected business cards to make a selfie stick long enough to stick him in the same selfie as gretchen wieners. the selfie stick has been in progress since daycare. he has also gone to the hospital more than any natucate volunteer do not trust this man with shop class equipment

[hellkitepriest]

ee @ jacaranda baltic, liverpool

it’s, once again, haphazardly-written everything everything show debrief time. these shows were advertised as having signings after, which they then cancelled for schedule reasons but said they would be hanging around after, but we lurked a bit and all we saw was jeremy RUNNING into a van that then drove off. so.

@shallowtboy and i spent most of the day wandering around various galleries and museums which was lovely even if half the places we attempted to go were closed. the gift shop of one of the places we went had these tiny 2x2x2 rubiks cubes on keychains, which OBVIOUSLY we ended up buying, because, well. yknow. we went to the pub to eat first and badly followed too many online guides on how to solve 2x2x2 cubes, and i realised rapidly i have absolutely none of the spatial reasoning skills to be able to know what i was doing. i am now 100x more in awe of alex robertshaw than i was.

when we arrived to the venue we could hear the first show of the day still hadn’t finished, because s/s/w/d was leaking out of the walls of this very nice former brewery (what a joy! to hear it!), and nobody else was waiting outside so we went to the pub next door (and used bill clinton’s autobiography as a fortune-telling device) until ~45 minutes before doors. we got chatting to some lovely people in the queue. i will never tire of hearing strangers mention dave sardine out loud irl.

they let us in out of the rain finally, and we ran right to the front, securing the coveted middle-left-right-between-jon-and-alex spot at the barrier which was INHUMANELY close to the stage. if i’d tried hard enough i could’ve reached over and started poking at alex’s pedals, haaa. we watched pete come on and warm up by playing scales on the keyboard for a bit. i followed the Pope on twitter.

the show was INCREDIBLE, because we were in this tiny sweaty low-ceilinged basement with 450 other people and everyone there was clearly SO into it (the guy behind me was yelling along to every lyric so loudly and violently! yes!! good!!!) which culminated in all this sweaty rowdy energy that jon was so clearly feeding off of. he did at one point say “this is the best one of these we’ve done so far” but i’m not convinced he doesn’t say that to everyone. there was a massive metal pillar on the stage between him and jeremy that he kept leaning against/holding and swinging around towards the latter half of the set. he did definitely make eye contact with me at one point, mortifyingly, and i’m also pretty sure he noticed shallowtboy and i doing our newest Bit of “point at pete every time he hits the Distant Past Button during distant past”, whoops. we came here to have an absolute nonsense time, what can i say?

the energy was just SO powerful and jon was really leaning into it, including one bit during no reptiles where he growl-yelled FUUUCK off-mic which i will be thinking about for the rest of my life. sorry everyone! alex robertshaw was exactly as strange on stage as you expect him to be, but he did occasionally smile at the others in a sort bemused way, like “wow they really are loving this”. he kept switching between eyes-closed-standing-there-gently-wiggling Standard Alex Stuff and occasional wide-eyed what-looked-like-fear whenever he actually bothered to look up at the crowd. alex pls. we are harmless. i have a rubiks cube in my bag for you to sign. (AND YET IT REMAINS UNSIGNED… HOPEFULLY THEY ACTUALLY DO THE SIGNING WHEN I AM AT MY NEXT SHOW ON FRIDAY… THIS BIT HAS GONE ON TOO LONG)

it was special and intense and shallowtboy and i are doing it all again on friday, with about 300 fewer people in attendance. please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. also jon had a little jason voorhees pin on his guitar strap.

[musicforants]

Happy new year! Here’s my favorite albums & songs in of 2023. Click here to listen to my full Best Songs playlist* (100+ tracks) via Spotify or Apple Music.

FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2023

Sufjan Stevens - Javelin

The National - First Two Pages of Frankenstein / Laugh Track

Lana Del Rey - Did you know that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd

boygenius - The Record

Yo La Tengo - This Stupid World

JPEGMAFIA & Danny Brown - Scaring the Hoes

Caroline Rose - The Art of Forgetting

Blur - The Ballad of Darren

Ratboys - The Window

Blondshell - s/t

Youth Lagoon - Heaven is a Junkyard

Caroline Polachek - Desire, I Want To Turn Into You

The Mountain Goats - Jenny From Thebes

Jeff Rosenstock - Hellmode

Wilco - Cousin

Jessie Ware - That! Feels Good!

Slowdive - everything is alive

Indigo De Souza - All of this will end

Wednesday - Rat Saw God

Romy - Mid Air

DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ - Destiny

Billy Woods & Kenny Sagan - Maps

The Japanese House - In the end it always does

Yves Tumor - Praise a Lord who chews but which does not consume

The Clientele - I Am Not There Anymore

Roison Murphy - Hit Parade

Bully - Lucky For You

M83 - Fantasy

Jess Williamson - Time Ain’t Hospitable

Sofia Kourtesis - Madres

FAVORITE SONGS OF 2023

Sufjan Stevens - Shit Talk

Lana Del Rey - A&W

The National - Tropic Morning News

Feist - Borrow Trouble

Blondshell - Joiner

Blur - The Narcissist

boygenius - Not Strong Enough

MGMT - Mother Nature

Wednesday - Chosen To Deserve

Yo La Tengo - Aselestine

Caroline Rose - Miami

Ratboys - The Window

Roison Murphy - The Universe

Oneohtrix Point Never - A Barely Lit Path

Indigo De Souza - Younger & Dumber

Jeff Rosenstock - 3 Summers

Caroline Polachek - Blood & Butter

Sun June - Get Enough

Yard Act - The Trench Coat Museum

DJ Sabrina The Teenage DJ – Honey

Girl Scout - Weirdo

JPEGMAFIA & Danny Brown - Lean Beef Patty

Sofia Kourtesis - Madres

Overmono - Good Lies

Bully - Days Move Slow

Youth Lagoon - Idaho Alien

Katy Kirby - Cubic Zirconia

Andy Shauf - Halloween Store

Romy - She's On My Mind

M83 - Oceans Niagara

Yves Tumor - Echolalia

Big Thief - Vampire Empire

Olivia Rodrigo - get him back!

Fever Ray - Kandy

Jessie Ware - Begin Again

The Japanese House - Boyhood

Kelela - Contact

Jess Williamson - Hunter

Mitski - My Love Mine All Mine

billy woods & Kenny Segal - Soft Landing

Tennis - Let's Make a Mistake Tonight

Slowdive - shanty

Beirut - Hadsel

NewJeans - Super Shy

The Clientele - Blue Over Blue

Nation of Language - Sole Obsession

ANOHNI - This Must Change

The Last Dinner Party - Nothing Matters

Slaughter Beach, Dog - Engine

The Beatles - Now and Then

Link to full 100+ track playlist on Spotify / Apple Music

*playlist subject to change

[shytastemakerthing]

Hello ! I hope you are fine ! 🙂

I have a request for a romantic matchup with a character from Twisted Wonderland.

Sorry if I made mistakes, i’m French ! (It's long because I write too much, sorry lol)

 I am a Cancer and INFJ (4W5) girl. I’m average height (160 cm), I have long wavy brown hair with a fringe haircut and green eyes. I love to wear dresses but because of my lack of self-confidence I don’t do it as much as I would like. I am a big fan of gothic and steampunk clothes but same, I don’t wear it as much as I would like. 

I am really shy, introverted, I lack self-confidence and I often depreciate myself. But I try my best to make friends and have social interactions. I am also hypersensitive and very touchy. I have a depressed side and I suffer from anxiety. My friends told me that I’m stubborn and I know that I am a very jealous person. I have a lot of empathy and compassion. I am a dedicated, faithful, persevering, perfectionist  and passionate person. I am hardworking and dedicated a lot of time to my studies.

I try to be the most supportive I can with my friends but I don’t confess easily what I feel or think, and I don’t talk a lot in a group (sometimes not at all). If someone hurts me, even unintentionally, I can’t tell it to the person. I am resentful but don’t show it, so people don’t know if they hurted me or not and why. I suffered from school harassment and because of this I always want to please everyone and I find it hard to say “no”. My lack of self confidence comes from there.

I love and I am passionate about a looooot of things ! Like Japan, old Egypt, old Scandinavia, animals (I am passionate about wolves, and I have been riding horses for 14 years),fantasy worlds, geek culture, writing, reading books / mangas and watching animes / movies, and playing video games (almost only Pokemon). And  I’m a dragon lover (One of my favorite TV show is Game Of Thrones and House of Dragons). I love art, mythology, esotericism (I love playing with Oracles, Tarots, Runes and learn about paganism), ancient history, listening to music (I listen to a lot of music everyday), and going out to visit museums, castles, cultural places, and walk in forests or beaches, etc. (and I love many other things lol !). I love a lot of languages (I learned Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, English and Latin and want to learn Norwegian and old norse). 

I have never been in a relationship but I think I am a romantic, affectionate and attentive person and dedicated to my loved one. I’m the type of person who wants to have the same partner all their life. I know I constantly need reassurance because of my lack of self-confidence. I am not a tactile person but I think I can be very tactile with a partner. I want someone who understands and respects me, and who loves the same things as me.

I think I gave maaaaaany informations, OMG !

Take care ! :)

A/N: Thank you so much for your request! I hope that you enjoy it! Have a wonderful day!

Request: Twisted Wonderland Match-up

I match you with........

Idia Shroud

He can fully relate to being more shy and introverted, seeking to be further away from people, he basically lives in his room for crying out loud

And often only attends classes via the floating tablet

....... would you like one?

He would totally make you one. It's not hard. Child's play for someone like him

So, it certainly took a little bit of time to get into a relationship with him. He isn't out of his room long enough and flees at the first sign of someone coming to him

But once you are in, you're in

With the help of Ortho, of course

He often questions how and why you ended up with someone like him, but the reassurance is always there

He has also never been in a relationship before so it is a time for you both to learn together

Late night binge watching of the favorite shows. Perhaps he would love some of the favorites that you have. Snacks, blankets, and anything else that is needed

Maybe.... maybe you can get him to go into the forests with you or visiting an old castle, that last one sounds pretty cool to him, just so long as there isn't so many people, maybe he could find a way to make sure it was only the two of you

Just so long as the both of you are together, there really isn't anything that you can't face

Thank you for your request!

[allthingsfern]

I want to thank all of you who read my posts and look at my photos, who also had me in your thoughts, and especially:

@themazette

@matthewschiavello

@ksjanes

@nh-art

@photoshamanism

@bwwhitney

@mostlythemarsh

@uwhe-arts

@sharonbphotos

@pointandshooter

@stephiramona

@coloradoprairie

The photo I took right after the surgery. I am also grateful to my ophthalmologist, who is great about explaining everything (and being succinct) and has a great sense of humor. Actually, after the surgery he came by and we started talking about his playlist during surgery (country western). We both agreed about some of the old great and I suggested he listen to Trio (Dolly Parton, Emmylou Harris, Linda Ronstadt). They cut 2 albums together, both superb, and the first one is one of hte most beautiful collections of music I've ever heard. The video below, from a live performance on The Tonight Show w/ Johnny Carson, features 3 songs performed by them. A fucking treasure.

Then he went on (and on) about David Allen Coe's The Ride. When he started trying to perform the damned song, I wound up laughing while I told him to "Get out! Get out!" Maybe not the best move, since he is going to operate on my left eye on the 21st of December...

All of this to say my eyesight is really good. I can see, as my cousin who has had cataract surgery told me, "in Technicolor." I am fortunate that my ophthalmologist recommended I just have the basic lens inserted, since my eyesight is still pretty good.

It has been a weird challenge, though not unsurmountable, since I spent a lot of time sleeping but am getting a sense of me again. Grateful I can work from home and my bosses are understanding and put up with my shit.

Also am grateful for my 2 sisters (one of my sisters and her best friend, who has been part of the family for decades) who came out to be with me for a few days. They drove me nuts, but then I would expect (or want) no less. But we had a nice drive to SF and the Golden Gate Bridge and had some great meals and watched old movies. They went by themselves to the Sacramento Railroad Museum (one of my favorite museums) and to the outlet stores close by. And they bugged the shit outta me, for which I love them.

So, all's cool in the pool.

[bellaxgiornata]

First, I want to wish you ( a little bit late however) a happy birthday!!! 🎂 🎂🥳🥳🎉🎉

I was busy and was only reading on your ao3 account, just got here and realized!

You are one of the two accounts that made me do a profile last September or October ( I don't remember exactly which one of these two months it was). I hope you're having an amazing pregnancy ( are you having nausea, did you have it already and it passed on the next stage or did you not have this effect? 👀, if you don't feel comfortable answering, that's totally fine, I understand) and I hope your hubby gives you princess/queen treatment like you deserve! 😌✨

Could I ask you how you post on tumblr? I want to post things like pictures or blurbs, but I have no idea how.

Do you also have tips on organizing time? I have a lot on my plate between uni stuff, looking for scholarships/opportunities and trying to have a life, that I have no stability and am very stressed.

To conclude this, I wonder how would traveling abroad on another continent be with either Matt or with Frank?

I definitely imagine that with Frank it'll be really nice. He'll always have everything planned and I see him informing himself as much as he could with knowledge to the max. He'll bring reader to museums or historical places. However, he could sometimes be paranoid or really almost always on alert. He's definitely a bodyguard boyfriend!

With Matt, I think I'll be hard on the way to go there ( either by plane or boat, it will be really noisy for him) . He could also be always stressed since he won't be able to understand the language spoken and might misinterpret things as threats. :( I don't see how reader and him could have a great time together...

What do you think?

Ahh thank you, friend! 💖 My birthday was actually back in October, but this celebration is sort of like a tumblr birthday! I've been here for just over a year now and it seems like a good cause for celebration! And I'm glad to hear I could play a role in you coming over here to tumblr as well! It's definitely fun being able to interact a lot more than on AO3!

Thankfully most of this pregnancy has gone pretty well in comparison to my previous with my first son. That one took place during COVID so it was isolating and I had 24/7 nausea and sickness. This pregnancy has had its issues, but thankfully everything has been working out in the end. I've only had a bit of nausea in the first trimester and then it comes and goes lately now, but honestly I'm just forever exhausted and uncomfortable being almost 36 weeks along now. And my husband is doing his best! We've got a toddler so this time around it's not always do-able to have quite that level of treatment, but he's very helpful and attentive!

For the rest of your questions, I'll answer them below the cut! Because this is quickly becoming long 😆

It's generally pretty easy to post on tumblr, whether you use mobile or a PC. There's usually a button somewhere that says create or something along those lines. And there's options to just write text or add in images or make polls, etc. If you sort of play around you should be able to see the different things you can do! You can always test out a post and see what it does and then delete it afterwards, too! I was a bit confused when I came here at first, but just playing around with everything had me realizing that it's pretty straightforward for most things!

As for tips on organizing time, I can share what helped me during the busiest phase of my life in my late 20s. I was in grad school for a couple of years while also running a wedding photography business while also planning my own wedding and trying to maintain my own social life and sanity. So I get the stress! What I found helpful was using some sort of calendar or organizer. I wrote down deadlines for things that were non-negotiable so that I could visibly see what was going on--days I needed to go photograph a wedding, days wedding photos were due to couples, when homework was due, what days exams were, or when projects/papers were due for grad school. Things like that that cannot be changed. Then I usually plotted out time to allot to each thing throughout the week and prioritized each one depending how long it would take/how soon I needed it finished. So I made sure I had time to work on editing photos every day to keep making progress on weddings (because I usually had a new one piling up more work about every weekend), and I usually allotted so much time throughout the week to work on schoolwork (because I was reading well over a thousand pages a week every semester). I felt like having the visual of a calendar allowed me to actually see where my time was being spent and how much time I actually had to get things done. And it made things feel a little less overwhelming and like I was more in control. And any extra free time outside of getting my work done was reserved for wedding planning of my own or doing something fun with friends or my now husband.

So for you, I'd say plot out when school things/homework/exams are due, when scholarships are due, and what days you have work (if you have to go into work). Then try to allot how much time you would need to get everything done and plan that into your days every week. Some weeks you may find that you don't have a lot of social time (I know I certainly didn't and that's rough), but unfortunately that comes with going to college. Unless you're like one of my friends who somehow skipped every class, winged every assignment, went out always partying, and somehow still got her degree. Still baffles me to this day... But generally, school is going to take up a lot of your time until you finish it. It's rough and I feel for you though ❤ Just make sure to take some mental breaks and don't overwork yourself. Allow yourself to say no to things you don't actually need to do as well.

Now onto the bit about Matt and Frank abroad!! And of course, these are just my thoughts on how I picture the two of them.

I do think of the two, Frank would be easier to actually travel with just for the fact that he wouldn't need as much accommodation since he does not have Matt's heightened senses or a disability, which would obviously add a layer into planning that a Reader/significant other would have to keep in mind when planning things with Matt. But to me personally, I still think experiencing traveling abroad with either man would be a fun experience for different reasons and I don't think Matt's need for extra accommodation would ultimately have a negative effect on a vacation, especially because I imagine he'd travel with a partner who makes him feel comfortable with who he is as a blind man dealing with the extra sensory input. Personally I think experiencing anything through Matt's senses with the way he 'sees' the world would fascinate me because I don't experience the world even close to the way he does.

That being said, with Frank I could see him having some things planned out, and in my mind I picture it being from his time spent in the military. He seemed to spend quite a few years in the service, which means he's done multiple tours to many different places worldwide, even if that means just passing through a country. But I'm sure he's visited a couple of interesting places on his own when he had free moments, whether alone or with his buddies, and I could picture him having a few places in mind he'd want to show Reader. But I could also see him having places in mind that he had heard about but never had the opportunity or time to go visit while he was abroad in the past because the military tends to keep you busy. So I'm sure there's places Frank would love to really explore. I could also see him being interested in the historical places, having read up on something that really stood out to him, but I could definitely see him interested in adventuring outdoors if Reader/his significant other was open to that. He definitely seems like he'd want to get out and explore the scenery and the sights and he probably wouldn't want to sit and relax too much on a vacation. And I agree, he'd have times where he'd absolutely be on alert. I think that's just how Frank is wired at this point, especially with loved ones.

As for traveling abroad with Matt, the actual getting to a different destination would be rough on him. Though we know in the MCU he's traveled to LA now because of his appearance in She Hulk, so canonically he's managed what I think is around a six hour flight. And from a brief check, it seems New York to certain cities within Europe would be a little bit longer of a flight by an hour or so. So, I think he could manage it, but I think it would be vastly unenjoyable because of his senses. And he'd absolutely need to accommodate for those. I also imagine he'd need time to decompress and recover after a flight like that before getting out and enjoying the vacation. Though I do think he'd have fun exploring restaurants and finding really great food to try, and I think he'd enjoy experiencing museums or art galleries whether there was a guided tour set in place for someone who is blind or visually impaired, or whether he got to experience things through Reader's descriptions. I think he'd still like to explore the city and visit historical sites, but I think Matt would really enjoy experiencing places that are probably a little less overrun with tourists and people that might overwhelm his senses. But also, getting Matt to stop being Daredevil for a bit and actually leave Hell's Kitchen might be hard 😆

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 24th December ❄️✨

A very festive Audio Drama Sunday to you all! I think Christmas has come early this year because so many of my current fave shows gifted us new episodes this week! 

🤠 OUGH I’ve made it up to ep 9 in @caravanradio and this is where it starts absolutely punching me in the heart. I’m so excited to listen to ep 10 but then it’s over AGAIN. All I want for Christmas is S2 of Caravan to be perfectly honest. 

🧳 Travelling Light by @monstrousproductions (7) This episode made me feel homesick for a culture that doesn’t even exist. I found the philosophy discussed so interesting and keep mulling it over! I don't know what metaphorical shoreline I'd be considered part of!! 

👁️ I bloody loved Benevolent by @malevolentcast. They absolutely nailed the cheesy Christmas special vibe and I was so happy to hear the long-awaited return of arguably the best character in anything ever at the end there.  

🌒 @monkeymanproductions I loved the answers to the MTO Q&A! I just adore this show and it’s always so interesting to get the behind the scenes scoop!! I really do want that Cass-only episode though. Pretty please? 

🎙 Welcome To Night Vale (240) ahhh!!!! What does this mean?! If this is going to be an exploration of nature vs nurture I am so here for it. Let’s . . . maybe let’s not kill our doubles this time? 

🏛 @the-mistholme-museum RUINOUS. Oooh I love a twist on a fountain of youth story and this one was particularly gripping. There are so many new revelations so far this season and I’m thrilled to hear that we’re getting two more episodes! I don’t want it to end!

🎧 Yay more The First Episode Of with @starshipqstar. It was absolutely fascinating from a very indie creator POV to hear how people with talent and experience found approaching audio drama for the first time. But I also think it’s important to address the DEEP SADNESS that there will not be a Starship Q Star season 2!! What?!! Christmas is CANCELLED. 

🐬 The dolphin emoji I use to denote @patterspod has never been more apt as we met Big Wave Dave in the latest episode. If you like weird and you’re not listening to Finding Pattersby, I just don’t know what to tell you. It’s just something else. 

🌨️  @thewhitevault (4) oh MAN I love this show so much.  I refuse to believe that a certain character is really dead but … maybe they are, I just can’t accept it. It sounds as though something absolutely monumental is happening to the show’s main family and I need to know how the stories are going to entangle!!! 

❤️‍🔥 The Love Talker (5) Jeeeeesus this show almost makes me regret listening to it every episode. I love this set-up where we get a new character’s perspective each episode, every new piece of the puzzle is even more disturbing than the last. 

🏢 @somewhereohio (S2E3) oh no! It’s spreading!! It’s honestly a little funny to me to listen to the show as someone who has no context of what makes Ohio, Ohio. I’m sure I’m missing a lot of cultural context but also, after listening, I’m probably not going to visit . . .  also it’s great to hear Rae Lundberg popping up in new shows - they always do such a good job!

🧬 Regina Prime - What a fun departure from the world we think we know in this bonus Regina Prime episode! I feel like the next season is going to be even more expansive and I’m very excited for it!! It’s also made me realise that I no longer trust W Keith Tims in anything after listening to The Love Talker! 

I hope everyone’s having a wonderful festive season! I’m going to be doing the #12DaysofPodmas again where I post an official review of a show I love every day until Jan 5th as a little gift to the amazing creators who’ve made my year so much better! I’m sure they’d love it if other people did the same! ☃️

[pendraegon]

omg!! I’m looking into phd programs in/around chicago and planning a visit there soon! you’ll have to let me know the “must-see” spots!

ooohhh dude if there's one thing that i fucking love doing it's [1] talking (just in general) and [2] specifically talking about my city, my sweet mistress, the love of my life chicago<3

first of all i wish u luck in ur phd endeavors!! im also like..shopping around for future phd programs and im also hoping that i can snag a place somewhere back home in the city instead of being out of state like i currently am with my masters lol (literally DREADING apps though i tried making headway on my statement and like. i have to do this again??? after my MA sop?? kms)

anyways here are some attractions<3

the riverwalk! it's basically like this giant strip of area along the chicago river with restaurants and bars and stuff<3 there's always music playing and people milling about and so many things to catch your eye! honestly i really like it at night, i think it's prettiest during sunset lol

the architectural boat tour. you literally just sit on a boat and some guy points out different buildings and tells you about its history and then you briefly go on the lake. i LOVEEEE taking people out on this, it's really really fun and you get good pics out of it. make sure to bring a jacket bc lake michigan. she is gorgeous and she is WINDY even in the summertime<3

obligatory millennium park/the bean mention. it's really fucking swarmed on the weekends so if ur not good with crowds avoid this area during that time but a good place to mill around! also to make fun of the bean. she is so ugly but she is a part of the city you know. (also it's right next to michigan avenue if you need to get a gift for someone/want to go shopping!)

wait obvi the sears tower + observational deck. if anyone calls it the willis tower you can spit on them. legally.

okay let's get into the museums. they're all cloistered around the same area (a bit past millennium park) so like. i guess you COULD try to see a bunch of them in one day but like. there's so much that you really can't feasibly do that lol

the art institute of chicago. MY FAVORITE PLACEEEEEEEE. i personally really like the medieval art exhibits + on the bottom floor is a really cool miniature exhibit where they showcast different rooms from different eras and theyre all SO tiny and SO cute. the food here's pretty good? lol

there's also the museum of contemporary art but the art institute has a pretty damn good modern art section but if ur really into that kind of stuff go here instead.

the poetry foundation!

field museum. LOVEEE this place. you can see sue the dinosaur<3 i once got in trouble here as a kid on a field trip bc i asked the guide how much of the shit there was stolen and they did not let me ask another question ):

adler planetarium + shedd aquarium + museum of science and industry -> these are also all in the same area. for all the museums they have days with discount prices so check that out before u go!

there's two zoos, lincoln park zoo and brooklyn. lincoln park is superior and also it's free and there's OKAPIS. GO SAY HI TO THEM FOR ME.

if you dont mind driving out a bit, there's the chicago botanic gardens around wilmette/glencoe (tied w the art institute as my fave place) and if you drive a bit further out to lisle there's the arboretum as well. they also do discount days!

if u drive out to the suburbs -> woodfield mall in schaumburg

for the museums and stuff i would really rec getting one of those city passes bc you get admission into a bunch of stuff either at a discount rate or it's included and it's WAY cheaper than getting individual tickets imo

ALSO. lake michigan. just in general. THE best of the great lakes and the truest love of my life.

if there's anything you wanna see u might check out the aragon before u come! same with ravinia. i fucking love ravinia it's great to sit on the lawn and listen to music during summer nights<3

EDIT: fucking forgot navy pier. if you come during august there's the air + water show. but also there's a ferris wheel there and that's fun. there's always something happening there on the weekends so you can always dip in just to see what's up

EDIT 2: there's some stupid fucking nascar thing happening in chicago rn that's blocking the roads so as long as u avoid that, you will be fine 👍

OKAY FOOD TIME<3

deep dish pizza is a must here. i dont care what people say about it, it's pizza. anyways my favorite place is lou malnati's (the lou especially) but giordano's is also really good. uno's is...whatever to me don't go there.

chicago hot dogs: SOOO many good ones. portillo's is a classic, superdawg, charcoal delights, byron's hot dogs..my personal fave is gene and jude's but it's a bit out of the city (it IS around o'hare the airport so if u can stop by then that would be best lol)

for korean food, you cannot beat cho sun ok. go and get their chadolbaegi and their mulnaengmyeon. killer combo. don't wear your best clothes here bc you will have to wash it bc of the (good!) smells. additionally you can go to joongbooshijang/joongboo market and outside there's a mandu/dumpling stand. their kimchi mandu and their red bean mandu. chef's fucking KISS.

for kabobs, noon-o-kabab or kabobi is my favorite! if you go for kabobi make sure you get their bamiyeh as dessert (^:

okay. im putting eataly on this list only because i like their dessert section on the first floor lol their tiny cakes + gelato always hits the spot

i looooveee goddess and the baker. bestttttt place for matcha/coffee and a sandwich. hero coffee bar is also pretty good but that one is a grab and go. oromo cafe is sooo good if ur into turkish coffee and pistachio and rose flavors. lots of vegan options there if you're into that. there's another one i love but i CANNOT remember the name of it for the life of me.

wait one last thing. frontera grill is like......really good. i went with my parents and it was nice, really fucking good flan lol

night life is an entirely different situation and if u want i can tell u about it later but for now i um. think maybe i talked too much. anyways fellow chicagoans i know youre there if i missed anything let me know lol

[justhere4kpop]

~Beautiful Stranger~

Pairing: Yunho x Reader. (The guys are involved at some point too but not romantically.) NonIdol! AU

Description: A lonely perpetually single grad student working at a museum is approached by a handsome man, he looks expensive. Maybe this is your chance to get swept off your feet. Maybe he wants something else.

Warnings: I don't censor myself so I don't censor the characters, so Language warning. Let me know if I missed anything.

taglist: @legohwa, @hwaightme

a/n: Okay! I was originally going to make this a one-shot but I think I have too much storyline in my head to make it that way so Surprise! Series time! I'm really excited about this one so please let me know what you guys think, I'm having so much fun writing it already.

Also yes the Teaser is included at the beginning of the chapter, I added some stuff to it so I just put it in.

w/c: 4258

Chapter One: Handsome Stranger

The blaring sound of my morning alarm disturbs the dreams of a man sweeping me off my feet, his voice no longer sweet as honey but now Kick It by NCT 127. I guess I’m getting introduced to some New Thangs today  So it was going to be that kind of day, no school but long hours at work as a gallery attendant but also archivist in training, the latter being an unpaid internship…of course. Yeah, long day. I got up, finally silencing my alarm and pulling myself out of my full sized bed, the only luxury I could afford on my own, to drag myself down the hallway to our shared bathroom and brush my teeth. Let’s hope I’m awake enough to remember not to drink Orange Juice again as I look for breakfast. Now how long until I have to catch my train? And if I miss it how long until the bus? It’s not a terrible walk but I need to eat. Maybe I can get to Uni from here. Why does London have to be so confusing!

I’m not originally from the UK but my parents moved back and forth for a variety of things while I was growing up so it’s like a second home. I came here for my graduate program in Art History and made a few friends…moved in with them and now there’s 5 people in an apartment made for 3. We all go to University College London and live off campus in the cheapest place we could find. I was fortunate enough to get a job and internship at The National Gallery here. I’m lucky and I can pay rent but that’s about it, I’m by no means well off and trust me I could use a few extra of any sort of money. 

“You’re up early y/n” William, my flatmate’s boyfriend said passing by the open door.

“Work.” was all I mumbled as I head back to my room to pick out my outfit for the day. I stayed up writing this stupid research paper all night and what do I have to show for it…the not so designer bags under my eyes. Most days are filled with a plethora of alarms going off around the same time, lucky for my flatmates, I’m the only one with work today I guess. Alright, which combination of suit pants, blouse, and jacket am I going to wear today…All Black? All Black. I finished setting everything out before heading downstairs to eat just in case I got something on my shirt again. Last time I decided to make this beautiful breakfast sandwich with a runny egg and it broke onto the bright pink blouse I had picked for the day on the tube going to work, my boss was not happy about the spill. Did I cry, yeah…hey the saying is crying over spilt milk not spilt eggs.

“Oh hi y/n!” my other flatmate's girlfriend Emma cheerily said. “I’m just making Becks some breakfast do you want any?”

“Sure Ems…thanks.” I nodded. If I didn’t have to cook I wasn’t going to complain. Oh that’s the other thing you should know, I’m the only one single in this apartment anymore…or flat. Whatever you want to call it. 

The two sleeping while their partners roam around are my best friends for 2 years, Becka (Rebecca) and Liz (Elizabeth), I only use their full names when I’m angry at them, there have been plenty of arguments in the small confinement of our apartment. There’s 2 bedrooms upstairs, one above the living room, one above the downstairs bedroom, the bathroom is in between the two and just up the set of stairs. Downstairs is the living room, and subsequent dining area. Kitchen is just through to the back and off to the right is bedroom number 3. Yes we all share one bathroom, no it’s not as fun as it sounds. I live in the room at the front of the place above the living room. I was going to take the downstairs room because I came home late and didn’t want to wake anyone until Liz and Will got together, when they started dating they went at it like rabbits. Becka offered to switch with me since she was barely home to begin with, she and Emma had just started dating so she was with her a lot, at school doing lengthy research papers, or at her internship at the hospital. Her internship slowed down so she had a lot of time to be home and spend time with the love of her life. They’re cute don’t get me wrong…just unfortunate to be the only one single here. 

“Thanks again Ems.” I said cleaning the plate I used as I got up to finally get dressed. “It was really good, Becka is lucky to have you.”

“I certainly am.” said woman came into the room perking up at her partner. “Thank you again love.”

“I’ll be going before that breakfast makes a fast journey back up.” I laughed receiving a towel to the face. I put on the outfit I had picked out, touched up my hair so I didn’t look like I was coming out of bed, and set off for the day. Thankfully I didn’t miss my train so it was only 45 minutes to get to work. I know that sounds like a lot but it’s not so bad when you’re used to it. I get to listen to music and relax a little more before starting a long long day.

The opening of a museum is never exciting, there’s probably 10 maybe 15 guests in the first 3 hours of opening, not much to do, luckily the museum lets me work on my internship first on these long days so I’m not bored out of my mind by the time I’m done. I usually clock in around lunch time finally and sit or stand around for the rest of the day depending on what they want me to do that day. 

“Y/n” you’re going to be in Room 43 today.” my boss Henry looked at me.

“Well at least I get to look at some of my favorites today.” I sighed, knowing I was going to be on my feet for the rest of the day was not something to invoke joy. Room 43 on Level 2 had our Van Gogh, Gauguin, and Seurat paintings, most notably Sunflowers by Van Gogh, Van Gogh’s Chair, and Motherhood by Picasso. One of my favorites was-

“A Vase of Flowers, Paul Gauguin,” said the smoothest voice I’ve ever heard. Like butter melting on bread.

“Yes, one of my favorites in the room.” I smiled before turning towards the man. My breath hitched, there before me stood a man about 6 foot 1, dressed in a suit that looks like I don’t know how to pronounce the designers name, oxford shoes, no tie,his nose had a slight point to it, a jawline that looked like it was sculpted by Michelangelo, full eyebrows, his eyes soft and warm, finally his black hair. He was perfect, absolutely stunning, I wanted to look at him more than the art around me.

“Can you tell me about it?” he smiled.

“Oh, yes absolutely.” Anything to talk to him. “Painted by Gauguin in 1896, painted with Oil Paints-”

“Ah so it needs something breathable to not ruin the paints?” he smiled. “When transported for cleaning?”

“Yes, since oils are very hard to fix if damaged and excess moisture can ruin them like the whole water and oil thing... So um anyways, Paul Gauguin painted 'A Vase of Flowers' when he arrived in Tahiti for his second stay in 1895. The vase is bursting with exotic flowers including hibiscus, white and yellow frangipani and white tiare. The flowers look as though they are past their best as some blossoms have fallen onto the table. This suggests that Gauguin was not interested in the horticultural detail but instead the decorative shapes and interweaving of colors of the display.”

“Very interesting.” his smile grew. “Sorry one of my friends is very interested in this piece but I never knew what it was painted with.”

“Excuse me ma’am.” an older woman called my attention. “I had a question about this piece.”

“Oh, well I’m glad I could help sir. I’m y/n.” I shook his hand. “Please let me know if you have more questions.I’ll um..be over there” I nodded, giving him time to look at the painting. A handsome stranger interested in learning about one of my favorite pieces…he’s probably married. I’m going to be alone forever.

“Thank you beautiful.” he flashed a smile my way. 

The beautiful stranger hung around for quite some time staring at the piece, he even had a notebook where he wrote some notes and made a sketch of the painting. No I wasn’t staring at him…okay maybe I totally was but it’s not everyday you see someone that attractive in here, he was practically an art piece himself. No I wasn’t fantasizing about him taking me away in some fancy car with the engine revving going way to fast down the street to a fancy restaurant where the prices aren’t even on the menu and he tells me not to worry about it and to order what I like, he’d probably call me something cheesy like baby, honey, sweetheart, dear, starlight, honey bun….darling…his. NO! Oh my god you can’t fantasize about that stuff he asked you a question. You really are deprived. 

Work was the same as ever after the man left, I was stuck making sure no one touched the art until the museum closed and then I got to go home after clocking out. Back to the happy couples…I put on my earbuds and walked to the station, after staring at someone all day I wasn’t really ready to be reminded I was single forever. Oh well, no choice…maybe I’ll stop and get food and just head up to my room so they won’t notice.

“Hey y/n!” a voice yelled in the tunnel. “Aww hey do you have your earbuds in?” he tapped my shoulder.

“I have mace!” I whipped around feeling someone tap me. Oh. “Wooyoung! Don’t scare me that way!” I hit him gently and took my earbuds out.

“Heading home?” he asked.

“Yeah, I just got off work.”

“I was hoping you were going to say a date,” he sighed.

“Can’t find one. I stare at paintings from the 1800s all day.” I chuckled and nudged him. “Let me know if you find Degas or Van Gogh walking around, I’m pretty sure I know more about them than myself at this point.”

“I’ll be sure to point them your way.” he smiled. “Not even one of your coworkers huh?”

“I went out for drinks a while ago with David but he was so boring, no spice you know. Plus he’s one of those water is too spicy guys.”

“Oh yeah, ew.”

“I don’t know, maybe I’m just always going to be single. I just want someone…who’s a little interesting you know?”

His eyes lit up, he had heard that sentence a few days ago from someone else, he knew what to do.

“Well maybe I have this friend?” he started.

“Oh god not matchmaker Woo again.” I rolled my eyes as we got on the train.

“Hey look I really thought you two would hit it off.”

“Woo he just wanted to make his ex jealous…and I ended up with a ruined dress and a large bill.”

“I apologized and paid you back for his meal. I’m sorry!”

“I know you did.”

“Okay but seriously, this guy is one of my best friends, he’s got some money, he’s actually single single, like hasn’t had a partner in years single, he likes art, he’s tall, he’s not a scumbag, and he’s interesting. I promise you’ll like him.” he pleaded.

“Woo I just-”

“Pleaseeee just one date and then if you don’t like him you can tell me to fuck off whenever you want, please please please!”

“Okay okay fine…one date. Just…one ok?” I sighed. I trust Wooyoung. I do. He's a good friend, great even…his matchmaking skills are just…hit or miss.

“You won’t regret it, and be sure to thank me at the wedding!” he got up at his stop.

“Woo there won’t-!” the doors closed… “be a wedding.” I groaned. Just what have I gotten myself into.

“Hey sour puss what’s with the face?” Liz asked as I came in.

“Ran into Wooyoung on the train.”

“Oh how’s he doing? Also what did he do, you’re not in a bad mood every time you see him” she smiled. “Will is in the bathroom.” I motioned to head up and stopped at her words

“He begged me to go on a blind date with someone he knows.”

“Oh god because that worked out so well last time.” she smiled.

“What did?” Becka came into the room.

“Woo set y/n up on a blind date…again.” Liz smiled.

“Oh god, you have my number I will come get you.” Becka chuckled.

“He promised it wouldn’t be as bad this time but I don’t know I’m still worried.” I rubbed my arm. “He did apologize for last time but still…that was so bad.”

“Do you know anything about this one?” Liz asked.

“Apparently he’s tall, very single, likes art, and has money?” I said remembering what Wooyoung told me on the train.

“Ooo tall handsome rich single man?” They both chuckled. “How does Wooyoung know someone like that?”

“Beats me honestly, but I said I would try…even though I regret it already.”

“And when is said date?” Becka asked.

“Dunno….he’ll probably text me about it later.” I sighed. “I mean I guess it couldn’t be too bad to try.”

“It’s probably worse to trust Woo than to go on the date.” Liz smiled and Will came down.

“Who’s got a date?” he asked.

“y/n” Liz said and made room on the couch for her boyfriend.

“Oh y/n has a date?” Emma sat next to Becka.

“I’m off to bed, it looks like a date night.” I waved. 

No need to be reminded I’m still…very much single.

~~~~~~~~~

“Hyung Hyung Hyungie Hyung-ah Hyunghyunghyung” Wooyoung began annoying the older man at his desk.

“Yes Wooyoung?” Yunho looked up from his computer, blueprints and notes scattered around the desk. “Do you need another reference photo or something?”

“No no that’s fine, it’s all coming together.” Wooyoung brushed the man off. “I found you the perfect date!”

“Woo we’ve talked about this, I don’t date.” he sighed.

“No no listen really, she's perfect for you, she’s single and lives with two other couples so she’s practically begging to get out, she doesn’t ask a lot of questions, she knows a bunch about art and everything.”

“Wouldn’t that make it easier for us to get caught Wooyoung? She could tell fakes from the real ones?”

“Nah her eyesight is too bad for that unless she’s up close and personal. She could help us out with transporting them properly, you know, how to keep them undamaged. Plus she’s really pretty, you’d like her…oh and she’s funny, sarcastic, looks good on your arm at a party.”

“Why don’t you date her then?”

“Oh hyung don’t be silly, you’re the one getting old, you need to settle down, don’t you want to spend time with someone, you know spend some of that money on them, have someone besides us…help relieve some stress?”

“We’re the same age Wooyoung.” he closed his laptop.

“Oh no, my birthday is in November, yours just passed.”

The room got quiet.

“You’re not letting this go until I say yes are you?”

“Oh come on just one date! You’ll like her, I bet you’ll even get married come on! Please please please please please please please please please please please please pleasepleasepleaseplease-”

“Okay!!...Okay fine, just one date, and we’re not-” Wooyoung left. “Getting married…”

Yunho couldn’t help but think of the beautiful stranger he met at the museum earlier, he caught her staring a few times but couldn’t bring himself to say more in case she got suspicious, but man did he want to, her smile was infectious, her clothing choices mimicked his own, she knew about the art he wanted…but he’s a criminal, no one would ever want to be with a criminal, it’s not that he can’t do the time he just wouldn’t want to drag someone else into it, although he certainly wouldn’t mind coming out to that beautiful face…if he ever got caught that is, he has no plans on making that a reality. 

“One date.” he sighed to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~

I smoothed over the dress I chose for tonight, Wooyoung couldn’t wait to text me and tell me his friend said yes. Why did I bother saying yes this is…no let’s..let’s be hopeful, maybe he’ll be nice, and funny, and hopefully a little good-looking….please Wooyoung…don’t do this to me.

“You look gorgeous y/n!” Emma and Liz squealed, their partners on the couch. 

“We definitely won’t be seeing you tonight.” Becka chuckled.

“Oh please I’m definitely not going to sleep with this guy, it’s the first date and it’s a Wooyoung blind date.” I rolled my eyes.

“I mean if he’s lucky we won’t see you tonight.” Liz laughed. “He’ll certainly only have his eyes on you this time.”

“One can hope” I groaned. “I better go, I don't want to show up late.” I grabbed my purse and a long black coat to keep warm. Of course there’s a hole in the pocket…I really need to get this fixed. 

“It’s going to be warm out, just forget the coat and get it fixed later.” Liz called out. “Go go! You’ll be late.”

It feels weird to walk around the city in just a dress and heels, I feel a little exposed but it’s not any different from the other people I’ve seen I guess…I made my way to the station to go to the restaurant Wooyoung had picked out, he told me to dress fancy so I got the fanciest dress I could. Black and white, a little lace, elegant but not over the top, stops at the knee, a cute little black heel and my hair pulled up into one of those fancy buns. Hopefully I remembered my glasses this time in my bag.

When Jung Wooyoung says fancy restaurant he wasn’t kidding, I’m pretty sure an appetizer here costs my entire rent, there’s not even prices on the menu how am I supposed to afford-

“Miss y/n?” A voice called. Sounds….familiar?

“Yes?” I turned around and it was the guy from the museum. “Oh hello.” I blushed

“It’s nice to see you again, are you waiting for someone?”

“My um..my friend set me up on this..silly blind date.” I chuckled lightly.

“How funny me too.” he smiled. “I wouldn’t be rude to assume you know a Jung, Wooyoung?”

“That would be the one.” I nodded gently.

“Well how funny would it be if I told you the very person sent me here on a silly blind date as well?”

“Well I suppose that would be…quite nice actually.” I sighed. “Last time I let him talk me into this…it didn’t go well.”

“Ah I know the feeling. She went after her ex after spending 30 minutes with me.” he chuckled.

“Ironic, mine used me to get back with his ex.”

“Now isn’t that just something.” he offered his hand to me. “Shall we go in?”

“How gentlemanly.” I let out a chuckle.

“Oh I’m Yunho by the way, Jeong Yunho.” 

“Oh a James Bond type I see. Last name first.” I chuckled. “Y/n L/n. Sorry I went the other way.”

“Oh god!” they both thought. “It’s you from the museum! What should I do?...stay calm, it’s just a date.”

I never thought I’d thank Wooyoung for setting me up on a date but, I might after this one…he’s so…he’s almost too perfect to be true, he’s interested in what I do, he’s charming, funny, he’s handsome…I..I almost feel like I’m dreaming. I’m pinching myself and not waking up so this has to be real, please be real. If this is a prank Wooyoung I’m never speaking to you again. 

“I should warn you beautiful, I’m quite dangerous.” he chuckled

“Oh are you now? Maybe I should’ve brought a bat.”

Time felt forgotten, it passed by so fast but so slow. Before we knew it the restaurant was closing and asking us to leave.

“Oh don’t worry about the bill.” he waved his hand at me reaching for my wallet. “It’s on me tonight.”

“I couldn’t possibly let you-”

“I insist beautiful.” he smiled and handed the waiter his card….A Black Credit Card!??!?! Oh my god.

“Next time is on me.” I said my cheeks were heating up. “A-As long as it’s pizza.” I joked…not really.

“Pizza sounds perfect if you’re there.” he winked. Oh man he is dangerous. “Can I walk you home? Or perhaps drive you?” he beeped his car…his very expensive silver car. A Rolls Royce?

“Oh my god.” I whispered. “What do you do?” I laughed.

“Oh I just inherited a lot of money from my uncle.”

“Oh sure, do you sell organs on the black market?” I nudged him gently.

“Oh no way, blood freaks me out.” he laughed. “I invest.”

“Sure.” I smiled and got in the car.

“Where to?” he asked.

“Oh right.” I gave him my address and we were off. It was bittersweet driving with him, I really didn’t want it to end yet. If this was going to be my only date with Yunho then…I just wanted to feel special for a little while longer. “Um, would you mind if we made a short stop first? It’s just…a really nice night out and I don’t want to…with my roommates and all.”

“Sure, I wouldn’t mind staying out myself.” he smiled.

“There’s a park just up ahead.” I said bashfully. “We could just…walk around?”

“I like that idea.” he pulled over to the park and before I could even think about opening my door he had sprinted around the car to open it.

“Ever the gentleman.” I stepped out and he offered his arm.

We walked around the park for a little just continuing our conversations from earlier, he shared about his childhood days, some of the stuff he and his brother used to do, his friends and how he met Wooyoung. It was all great until a breeze swept through.

“Here.” he shrugged off his coat and pulled it around me. “Better?” he smiled and his touch on me lingered slightly.

“Better.” I whispered and looked at him. “Thank you.”

“Sure.” he cleared his throat and pulled back slightly. 

It was close to 11pm when we finally decided we had been out long enough, I would hopefully not get hazed about the date and he would hopefully be able to go back to whatever he wanted. Even if it was just one date, it felt like a million and it just felt wonderful.

“Oh your coat.” I started taking it off as we pulled up to my little flat.

“Just give it to me next time Beautiful.” he smiled and put his hand up to stop me.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded.

I leaned over the center console and kissed his cheek leaving a slight pink imprint there.

“Goodnight Yunho, thank you for the…probably most perfect night of my life listening to me talk about work.” I smiled and got out of the car. I’ll miss him.

“Goodnight Beautiful.” he smiled more to himself as he drove off when she walked in her front door.

Did I receive the interrogation of a lifetime? Yes absolutely.

Could I stop smiling? No..Not at all. He listened to me ramble about work and school and how overwhelming it is, he listened to me talk about different paints and how to preserve them and take care of them like it was the most interesting thing he ever heard. I almost hate him for how perfect he is.

“Jung Wooyoung, I'm going to kill you.” I said as he picked up the phone.

“What?! Why!? What happened!?” he sat up on the other line.

“How could you literally give me that after all the shit dates you’ve set me up on!”

“Was it bad? You guys have been out for hours!”

“No! It was amazing! I can’t believe you!” I groaned and flopped onto my bed. “He was…kind and sweet and charming and caring and…everything and I hate you for it.”

“...BECAUSE I WAS RIGHT???”

“BECAUSE YOU WERE RIGHT!” I sat up. “Why did you have to be right!?”

“Because I’m amazing, excuse you. You liked him.”

“Yes.”

“You liked him a lot?”

“Wooyoung I literally would drop everything right now to just listen to his laugh.” I sighed. “It's pathetic.”

“I’ll let you know what he says, I just heard the front door.”

“No Wooyoung please, it's fine. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.” I sighed. “I’ll have to give you his coat too.”

“He gave you his coat? Oh my god. See marriage.”

“Goodnight Woo.”

“I’m the matchmaker god after all.”

“Goodnight! Woo.” I hung up. I hate this.

I hate men.

`Next

[philhoffman]

In lieu of a Monday Philm post tonight, I wanted to tell y'all about the long weekend I had in Western New York. I took a very special trip up to Phil's hometown of Rochester, NY, for a special 35mm screening of Owning Mahowny—which ended up being one of the best nights of my life. TL;DR I met his family and got to tell them how much he is loved ❤️

As some of you might know, the Eastman Museum in Rochester is now the permanent home of PSH's statue, and to celebrate, the museum's Dryden Theatre is showing his films all year long. I've been dying to see Phil's hometown and especially the statue since it was unveiled last year and finally made it (many hours and several hundred miles in the rain) up to WNY for a couple days. Y'all I can't even tell you how excited I was just to be in Rochester, like geeking over everything. We visited Fairport, where Phil grew up, and went to a restaurant with a burger named after him (yum), and got his fave kind of donuts at the Wegmans where he worked as a cashier in high school (I told you, geeking HARD). It's such a nice, friendly city and so many little things about Phil clicked just being there.

We went to the Eastman Museum first thing Saturday morning to see his statue and it's so perfect. Yes I cried a little bit as soon as I walked up to it! I don't need to tell y'all how much Phil means to me and finally seeing this public tribute to him, which looks so good and is so approachable and huggable and real and lovely, was amazing. Passed it four times going in and out of the museum and made my mom take my photo with him every time :-)

That night was the 35mm screening of Owning Mahowny. Already one of my favorite PSH films, I recently finished the book it's based on—No Limit: The Incredible Obsession of Brian Molony by Gary Ross—which is just as engrossing and made me even more excited to rewatch the film on the big screen. We were the first people to the theater bc I was so anxious to be there lmao.

I recognized Phil's mother, Marilyn, and his older sister, Jill, who arrived about 20 minutes before the film and sat a few seats away. My anxiety was through the ROOF—I am very shy in person, but I knew I'd regret it if I didn't say anything and since this was a PSH-related event I figured they probably wouldn't mind if I brought him up. Thanks to Phil I have a hundred times more confidence than I did just a few years ago, so I worked up my courage and went over to introduce myself, tell them my name and how far I came just to see the statue and the film, how much I admire Phil and his work.

Y'all I'm tearing up again just typing this because they were the nicest people I have ever met in my life, seriously. His mom and his sister were immediately so kind that my nerves melted away, it was like talking to friends. They were touched that I'd come so far, they thanked ME for coming over to say hello. I shook their hands and we had a whole conversation for several minutes—I got to tell them that Phil changed my life, how I've seen all of his films, the ways he's inspired me to make my own art. I can't even believe I am writing this because it was so surreal and incredible. They asked me so much about my trip and myself, which is cute because I've heard so many stories about how Phil always asked people about themselves, their lives, their families, their work. His mom asked if I'd seen the statue (of course!!!) and told me to make sure I took a selfie with him :''''') so obviously I took another one when we left <3

Jill and I talked about Owning Mahowny and gambling while my mom talked to Phil's mom (like how is it even real that I'm saying that?), then Marilyn told a funny, sweet story about when Phil was filming Mahowny in Toronto in 2002. One day he called and asked to come home for a while, then drove down and spent the day with her watching hours of dailies of the same exact shot, scrutinizing each take and laboriously trying to decide on the best one—and his mom was like, "Phil, what are we searching for, these all look the same to me" LMAO 😭

The film itself was obviously amazing, no need for a full review here. Equally wonderful to share it with a big audience laughing, cringing, gasping, crying, smiling. The 35mm print looked beautiful. As we were leaving, Phil's sister made a point to catch my eye and thank me again for stopping to say hello! We said goodbye to her and Marilyn and they wished us a great rest of our trip to Niagara Falls the next day—it was so sweet they remembered I'd even mentioned it.

I hardly slept that night I was so excited lol. It's been two days and it still feels surreal. I'm repeating myself but I can't get over how warm and kind they both were, how we were all kind of moved almost to the point of tears talking about their beautiful son and brother, my hero, the artist and man who saved my life and brought us all together. I'm so so so grateful for the opportunity to tell them what Phil means to me. Since then I've had a million thoughts like "oh I wish I'd said this or that," but really it would be impossible to sum up in words, even if we had all the time in the world, everything I want to say. I said it before but it's easy to understand how Phil turned out to be such an amazing person, coming from a family like that.

One of the simplest yet most meaningful couple of days in my whole life. It was better than I could've hoped for. Mostly joy—and while there was some grieving and missing him, too, I know it all came from love. I feel closer to Phil than ever. Thank you for making me feel so welcome in your home, Phil. Words are never enough but I love you so much, we're all so proud of you.