#Moxxie is an early bird

[afrognamedfizzarolli]

Helluva Boss observations and easter eggs you may not have noticed!: Pilot

The pilot is both a great place and weird place to start, as it is our introduction to the cast and world, but also no longer considered canon. Many of the events and details we learn/see are later confirmed in the series itself, but there were quite a few changes.

I want to start off with some design changes!

With Millie, she used to have white roots visible, this actually kept up for a few of the early episodes. As we know now it seems imps have two noticeable instances of sexual dimorphism: females have black horns with thin white stripes and naturally black hair, and males have evenly sized black and white stripes on their horns and naturally black hair. We see many trans or otherly gender queer imps that dye their hair with visible roots. I assume Millie's design was changed when that was established to be a gender difference in imps.

Her heart tattoo is also much smaller, and switches sides (an animation error almost certainly) When the pilot first came out I actually thought she had a heart on both shoulders.

Some stuff with Stolas!

We see his hand outlined with a red glow at one point, presumably representing his magic. While in the series his magic is represented by blue. This is most likely due to the change of his character as he was originally planned to be a villain.

Not a design change, but I find it funny that Stolas' name in Blitzø's phone is "Creepy Mouth (aka one night stand bird dick)". Surprisingly all being spelled correctly.

Stolas' Grimore! I actually only noticed this on this last watch. It was a darker blue(purple? red? It changes in different scenes) and instead of the moon design it has a different insignia of his that we still see throughout the series in various places (notably on his bed) it also has no design on the back.

Little details!

I didn't realize before either that the woman who Moxxie is trying to shoot before Eddie gets in the way, is Eddie's mom. I'm sure this is something many others picked up on immediately though.

Speaking of which, the human news anchor shown at the end bares a striking resemblance to a character of Brandons: a news anchor named Flint Dicker.

A poster of "THE AMAZING IMP SIBLINGS" is on the wall of the conference room. Showing Blitzø, Barbie Wire, and another character labeled "Tilla". This was changed in the series to just being Blitzø and Barbie, Tilla's design being slightly altered and then used for their mom.

Hazbin easter eggs! Oh boy is there a lot of them.

In the commercial sequence we see in the room of one of the targets a framed drawing of Sir Pentious

In the background of when Blitzø is interviewing a previous client, there is a billboard for 666 News ft. A photo of Katie Killjoy, I especially love this one as Brandon ended up voicing her!

In Blitzø's office he had a vision board labeled "BOSS GOALS" with 5 drawings, in the center is Blitzø labeled "ME!" Top left we have Katie again, top right is a duck with a top hat and two $'s, this assumably referencing Lucifer, bottom left is Rosie, an arrow pointing to her hat labeled so eloquently "HAT" and lastly in the bottom right there is a more detailed drawing that looks to be Carmilla Carmine labeled "Moxxie drew not as good" this tracking later as in 1.05 "The Harvest Moon Festival" Moxxie talks about Carmine angelic weaponry, showing a great interest in her business.

Next is a dumpster in an alley with various graffiti. Notably, a face that looks to be Nifty, "ALWAYS CHASING RAINBOWS" and "HAPPY HOTEL". There is also a sinister face labeled "DEVIL". Im not sure if this is a specific refrence to anything though.

Lastly, one that I'm sure almost everyone noticed but feel the need to include, is we can see Loona watching Charlie's performance of "Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow"

Funny observations:

When the crew teleports into the church, we see maany people with some pretty detailed designs, I do not know if or what they may be referencing, but I have a strong suspicion it is something, my guess is that they are caricatures of some people who worked on the pilot. One person in specifically is wearing a jacket with a patch reading "WHEN YOU SEE IT" with a 👌

Signs! In the hospital we see a sign saying "WE SAVE LIVES" in faded text it reads between we and save "try to" and after lives another line is visible starting with "but" I cannot make out the rest.

Others show that they are in ward 13, the next room over labeled as 667, implying the room that Eddie was in is 666

A note is taped to the side of the fridge of the break room reading "LOONA DONT EAT MY LUNCH -MOXXIE"

Another thing I only noticed recently is when Blitzø sneaks out at the Goetia palace, he is naked except for his jacket, with the grimore serving as some creative censorship. (+Stella's beta design. I personally love her current design, but this one wasn't bad)

When Blitzø makes the comment about making Moxxie the employee of the month he holds up a small plaque as an example, a larger version of this same plaque, is visible on a wall in the commercial sequence.

While in their hazmat suits(idk if that's what these actually are), you can see the shape of Moxxie's bowtie under it

... and just Blitzø holding some targets panties, cause why not

There are a handful of other details, but I'm going to hold onto those as later on we see call backs to them. Also, I've spent a lot more on this than Id planned already, I have at least 3 hours on this one alone.

Please bare with me, I promise these will get more interesting the further we go in the series!

[bones4thecats]

Their S/O Is A Hellborn Plague-Doctor

Type of Writing: Random Idea Name: Their S/O Is A Hellborn Plague-Doctor Characters: Moxxie, Striker, and Fizzarolli Idea-Giver: Random Ideas

A/N: This is definitely not my best work, but it isn't my worst yet. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this!!

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Hellborn Plague Doctor-Demon! Reader ; Childhood Friends to Lovers

🖇️ Moxxie had met you through his father when he and you were very young. Since your father was the main doctor of the Knolastname family’s mafia

🖇️ He would just watch you from the other side of the table as you messed around with some random guy’s corpse with your father as he would teach you both the different parts of a demon’s, whether it be a shark-demon or a spider, you both learned everything, though you retained it better

🖇️ Moxxie eventually left the Greed Ring for Pride as your family maintained connections to his father, even though you lived your life in the Sloth Ring and rarely ever had to come up for business

🖇️ You did meet Moxxie later on when you were around your very early 20s, and you began to help I.M.P. out with some of their stuff, and when Blitzo and Millie, one of Moxxie’s best friends teased you guys to get together, you guys did and ended up married

🖇️ Your husband loves to guard you from any kind of threat in the workplace, but since he lives up in the Pride Ring and you must stay near your family, you guys end up separated for a few weeks at a time

🖇️ Blitzo does end up dragging you back to their office so that Moxxie can lighten up and stop being such a downer

🖇️ Moxxie also adores your whole attire, your face was shaped like a birds, with your mouth coming out like a massive beak that opened and closed as you spoke. But, as you didn’t enjoy freaking some people out, mainly kids, you never really spoke, resorting to more things like sign-language

🖇️ Also, your formal outfits make his heart swoon. He just loves seeing your small cloak just flow in the wind whenever they go to Earth for a rare kill with you only there for some medical help since Blitzo is quite the clutz

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Hellborn Plague Doctor-Demon! Reader ; Best Friends to Lovers

🗡️ As a fellow hybrid, you and Striker got along because of your family’s business, with existed to help the many rings with any kind of medical emergency

🗡️ But your family’s was the largest-known in the Wrath Ring, which was full of hot-blooded and straight-to-the-point imps and other hellborn who had no clue what in the name of Hell they were doing after jumping into action

🗡️ Striker popped in one day with a few slices against his midsection, and as one of his only allies, you lunged into action and brought him into your office so he could get stitched up and healed

🗡️ He just groaned and ranted about the damned blue-blood that just wouldn’t die from his blade because of some intervention from his weird-ass imp kid

🗡️ You were used to handling his injuries, since you were currently in a relationship and have known him for many years, maybe around 10 or so years? It’s hard to keep track while handling a multitude of patients

🗡️ Striker then sat down as your chair and noticed that you had a few of the monitors on, so he watched as you laid your wide-brimmed leather hat on your head and began going to another patient's room, which he also saw from another camera

🗡️ He saw that the child and their mother sat there and smiled before telling your the symptoms of the kid, and he chuckled lightly as you used sign-language with the kid, who spoke back in the same way. They must be deaf and believe you just randomly knew this from the files

🗡️ In truth, you just didn’t like freaking out kids when they see the sharp row of teeth you had in your long beak of a mouth

🗡️ Striker loved that part of you, but he knew he couldn’t just bust in and yell that at you or interrupt over the speakers… he knew you’d be beyond pissed

🗡️ You pissed is far from fun for that guy… he remembers when you first spoke and he heard someone scold you for your teeth and you just glared right back and let out the harshest burn in Hell’s history

🗡️ He’ll just scold you later

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Hellborn Plague Doctor-Demon! Reader ; Associates to Lovers

🪷 You were hired by Asmodeus to make sure that Fizzarolli had the proper medical care when it came to his injuries he sustained from the fire years ago

🪷 The imp suspected that you would just look at him like a freak, since he was a very well-known person for his more confident personality and his large jingly-’horns’, which was really just a large hat he put on

🪷 But instead, you just sat there and watched him take his hat off, and when he asked why you weren’t judging him, you smiled and showed him the large amount of teeth you had in your beak-mouth

🪷 He smiled back and called you the ‘freakiest-imps in hell’, much to your amusement

🪷 You are by-far one of Fizzarolli’s most trusted friends, and that showed with how adoring he was when you would come to check him out, when he normally was fairly hostile or fearful with others

🪷 Asmodeus would ask you to come with him during his yearly Clown Pageant, which was held in the Greed Ring, and was hosted by his boss, Mammon, whom you despised more than anyone else, Asmodeus and Blitzo included

🪷 The way he treated your boyfriend nearly made you inject him with a demon-version of the bubonic plague just to watch the bastard suffer in a bed before succumbing to his inevitable and horrific death at your hands

🪷 But, Fizzarolli and Asmodeus (mainly Fizzarolli), held you back from doing this, since they didn’t want their lover/good friend to be harmed by another high-ranking follower of the Sin of Greed

🪷 Though, after he quit, you jumped up with Asmodeus and bared your teeth, with your body mutating into something to horrific it would make people such as Lucifer and Alastor the Radio Demon shake in their boots

🪷 Mammon eventually left after Asmodeus and you revealed Fizzarolli’s relationship with you. And since you were from a high-ranking family, many saw it as scandalous, leaving you with many missed calls from your family as the three of you traveled home to rest

🪷 Oh Satan, how were you going to explain this to your parents?

[chaifootsteps]

I used to dislike blitzo back in season 1-early 2 cuz he was a jerk and abusive and the story tried to justify it with "womp womp he has trauma and he only wants to tough moxxie up so it's okay". And i was supposed to feel bad about his ass? After he verbally abused moxxie throughout all his work life and threteaned to rape him and his wife? Used verosika and stole from her when they where together? Disrespected barbie's boundaries and feelings? Dissmissed fizz's feelings and unintentionally said "hey i lost my mom bitch, you aren't the only one who has problems" WHEN FIZZ WAS FUCKING BURNED ALIVE, LOST HIS LIMBS AND HORNS AND WAS TRAUMATIZED FOR LIFE. ALL BECAUSE OF YOU I MIND YOU.

To be clear, i don't hate asshole characters. I hate when asshole characters are being coddled and excused by the narrative, it's insufferable to watch. Blitz was this. An asshole character who was excused by the writers and you are expected to feel bad about his ass when he got humilated in the club. Thanks i hate it. And it sucks because i love the concept of an abusive asshole realizing he is an abuser and trying to do better to people who he wronged. But i couldn't handle the awful execution.

And guess what?

FUCK MY ASS I'VE CHANGED MY MIND. I feel so bad for blitzo now lmao. The 2 times when blitzo isn't at fault THE WRITERS TRY TO PUT ALL THE BLAME ON BLITZO AND EXCUSE PEOPLE WHO ABUSE HIM JUST WHY. Loona physically assaults him when he respecfully asks her to be nicer to their clients because IT'S HER FUCKING JOB BITCH THEY WILL LOSE MONEY IF YOU DON'T AND IT AFFECTS YOU AS WELL YOU LITERALLY LIVE WITH HIM. And then she kicks him in nuts when all he did was apologising and attempting to hug her? What's funny? What's funny about this 22-years-old grown ass woman physically harming her adoptive dad who provides her a linvinghood, job and unconditional love when she is an adult? And saved her from a toxic and dangerous enviorment? Are you trying to say *he* is in the wrong in this situation and *deserves* to be beaten up by a person he has never wronged in his life? Are you kidding me? Why am i supposed to hate stella, who is abusing stolas, but expected to like loona, who is abusing blitz and moxxie, and to find her abuse "funny" and slapstick? You can't have both, pick one vivzie!

And speaking of stolas...i don't even want to talk about it. I feel horrible for blitzo. Yes, he was an asshole and was only using stolas to get the book, but it was stolas who made their relationship transactional. It was stolas who reffered to blitzo as "his impish plaything". It was stolas who only ever asked from blitzo sex and sexually harassed him on daily basis. He even put a cigrette on his horn likw wtf? It was stolas who made the deal when blitzo couldn't even consent because he, you know, WAS ABOUT TO GET MURDERED BY THE CANNIBALS? AND STOLAS WAS FULLY AWARE OF IT? And the list goes on and on...

"You think so low of me?" GO FUCK YOURSELF LMAO THIS IS SO BAD I CAN'T. ARE YOU REALLY THIS DELUSIONAL?

Okay, even we pretend none of the above happened and was retconned, blitzo *owns you nothing* stolas. If he doesn't have feelings for you it's not *his* fault. He shouldn't have his buisness tied to your bird ass to spend time with you (and in case if he doesn't, he will lose his job, how fair) if he doesn't love you. Get a life please, you only known this guy for *less than a day* and it was *25 years ago*. And he was completely disinterested in your hobbies and was literally only there because he was manipulated by his father and *sold to you like an object or a toy*. And you still obsessed over this random dude who doesn't even like you and love him more than your own daugther whom you known for 17 years??? Wow, such victim fel bed for him he so pooor :((((

And it doesn't help how not only the writers, almost an entire fandom thinks blitzo is abusive towards stolas or deserves to be kicked out by stolas or be beaten up by loona ("for comedy*) it's not funny. It makes me sick. It's the same as blitzo beating the shit out of moxxie and people praising *blitzo*. But not it's stolas abusing blitzo and people praising *stolas*

Fuck it.

I used to hate this guy, but now i can't feel anything but pity him. It's tragic how everyone blames him for things HE ISN'T EVEN AT FAULT HE DESERVES BETTER.

You're preaching to the choir, Anon! Blitzo is a tremendous asshole, multiple characters' lives are worse for knowing him, but he's a victim here -- and a chilling reminder of just how far people will go to defend a charming, attractive abuser that knows how to play the sympathy card.

[ravenwitch45]

How would Blitzo and Loona react if his human s/o was a werewolf which was kept a secret? I don't know if werewolves would make sense into the HB lore or not.

https://www.britannica.com/art/werewolf

https://www.worldanvil.com/w/darkness-moon-chronicles-amelianite/a/werewolf-reproduction-condition#:~:text=For%20the%20females%20and%20male,(in%20Earth%20time%20scale).

Hmm well I feel any mythical creature can exist with what we know of HB but either I'm good. I love werewolves, have for a long time so I get the general idea. And also the.... Ahem Werewolf Reproduction article was an odd thing to read. Do you want this to be NSFW? If so please ask that XP But no biggie, let's get this started.

(BTW this is going off my own interpretation of Werewolves, so just be aware this might stray from the usual)

Blitzo and Loona finding out his human S/O is a secret werewolf

You may have done your best to hide it, cleaning up any fur you shed in the apartment, masking the fur care advice you gave to Loona as it being from a friend, and rushing out somewhere out of the way when the full moon came so neither saw you transform.

This is helped Blitz is usually busy on full moons with Stolas, so you don't really need to worry about him, and Loona minds her buisness usually, not questioning you speeding out every month

But if we know one thing, is that Blitz is one nosy little bitch.

With someone he's comfortable with showing affection for, he sees no boundries, even when you tell him some.

So when he hears Loona mention how you leave for a good while every full moon, he's suspicous, admittedly afraid you might be cheating on him while he's with Stolas.

So he schedules with the bird to do things a day early so he can be home during the full moon. Asks you about it, getting a very dodgey answer about seeing friends but that doesn't satisfy him.

When you eventually rush out, he grabs Loona (Who is very annoyed btw) and they tail you, expecting you to head to some other apartment or hotel but instead you end up in a near abandoned part of the city, only really inhabited by gangs and the like and Blitz get's less angry and more concerned for you.

Eventually you stop in an alley, with the two peeking from the end, seeing you shrug off your coat before you start breathing heavily and starting you yell almost unnaturually.

Blitz rushes towards you, yelling your name, making you turn to him in surprise, trying to shout for him to leave before you slam your hand on the ground as your nails turn to claws and fur covers your body, growing in size.

Loona just goes "Holy shit..." at the sight, you falling to your knees as you fully transform, growing a muzzle, wolf ears and a long bushy tail not unlike Loona's own. Just staying there breating heavily before going "Why did you follow me...?"weakly.

They both just say that they were concerned you were in trouble, neglecting to mention Blitz's original thought. The Imp asking you why you were hiding this from them. Just getting you thought he'd be disgusted, having met you as a human.

He denies the notion, honestly loving the new look which get's you blushing in surprise, Loona also saying you look pretty cool. And you fit into Hell more with this form then as a human anyway.

You admit that when you still lived on earth, people considered you a monster and hated you for your lycanthropy despite you able to control yourself. Transforming voluntary aside from Full Moons.

They call how you were treated the BS it is before Blitz hugs you, a bit flustered by how much bigger you are now but still, Loona putting a hand on your shoulder softly. As you cry a little, happy they both still love you.

After that your a bit more open with it, transforming at home, and eventually at the office after Blitz clears it with Millie and Moxxie. Your able to live and control your actions in both forms so it's just a matter of what your feeling at the moment.

Blitz asks about it, curious how it works and if it's tough for you. Honestly thinking of asking Stolas if he'd help cure you, but you admit that hating your werewolf side was more a taught behavior, and you've grown to like it since him and Loona have started welcoming it as part of you, which you appreciate greatly.

He'll also make jokes about it but not insenstive ones, mainly dirty ones "Hey wanna do it like dogs tonight Y/N~?" But he'll back off if they seriously annoy you or something.

Blitz loves to nuzzle into your fur, complimenting how soft it is, sometimes falling asleep on you like a pillow which you find adorable. You sometimes transforming when he's tired so he'll rest on you, you can wash the drool off in the morning.

As for Loona, she pratically will treat you like just another Hellhound, cause that's kinda what you are transformed and all. You two will vent to eachother how hard fur care is and how it get's everywhere, laughing together.

When she introduces you to Vortex in your wolf form, he goes "Yo is this your parent Loona?" Which gets her very flustered, not used to considering you that yet.

Overall they both love it, it's a part of you and just as lovable as the rest they feel, and they accept it with open arms.

Okay I enjoyed that! Again did my own spin on werewolves, less suffering, more just fun hijinks with two forms removed from people who look down on it. I like wholesome, so I do wholesome. Hope you enjoyed!

[mickc-rants]

Helluva Boss Rewrite (WIP)

Disclaimer: I have no harsh intentions regarding rewriting HB. This is just some headcanons coming from an ex fan who is currently a critic of the show.

The Lore

Hellaverse rewritten lore gonna be based on the worldbuilding of John Wick and Good Omens (Helluva is action oriented)

The concept of human sinners being Overlords doesn’t exist in the rewrite but Hellborns can be Overlords.

Hellborns (like Imps, Succubi and Hellhounds) are middle class, Goetians are upper class (aristocracy/nobility) and the Seven Deadly Rulers are higher and more respected than Goetians despite some of them are Goetians (e.g. Asmodeus)

The imps are the soldier class in Hell’s system and known for their various combat skills

The succubi and incubi are used seduction as a form of distraction for the target

Hellhounds’ appearance are similar to werewolves but they can shapeshift to a literal canine

Hellborns usually age slowly, resistant to fire and wouldn’t be eradicated by gunshot unless if they’re in contact with Holy water

Holy water is fatal for Hellborns but they’re used to make fuel for deadly weapons

The Characters

Soul Trading Department

Instead of being an assassins for trade, the IMP is part of Stolas’ legions where they’re responsible for targeting souls for Stolas’ soul for trade

Their main nemesis are Shax and her legions

Blitzø Callisto

Pronouns: He/him

Age: approximately 700 (mental and physically late-20s to 30s)

Gender: Male

Species: Hellborn Imp

The sergeant of Stolas’ Soul Trading Unit and boss of Millie and Moxxie

Trained with any kind of combat skills (close range, long range, melee, etc.)

Maximilian Grimson

Nicknames: Max, Moxxie

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 600 (mid to late-20s)

Gender: Male

Species: Hellborn Imp

Skilled with long range combat and assassinations

Second Generation for being in Stolas’ legion (his father Sniper Grimson is part of his legion who is stationed in Greed)

Distanced his father to Wrath where he met his childhood friend Millie (he relocated to Millie’s family who welcomed Moxxie instead of despising him in the show) until they’re both stationed to Gluttony for the unit

Mildread Grimson

Nicknames: Millie, Melee

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 600 (mid to late-20s)

Gender: Female

Species: Hellborn Imp

Skilled in melee (hence her name) and close combat

Trained with mixed and various martial arts

Originally in the Wrath Ring and moved to Gluttony along with her husband when they were stationed to the Trading Unit

Luna Nogood

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 400 (early 20s)

Gender: Female

Species: Hellhound

The youngest of the Trade Unit and Blitzø’s foster daughter

Goetians

Most Goetian demons are usually fallen angels and their abilities weaken a bit when they’re in contact with Holy Water (a fuel used for deadly demonic weapons)

Goetians tend to bid their conjurer for a soul (like literal soul) to do the bidding they wanted (other than souls, they were offered with things they associate with)

Similar to Good Omens, Angels and Fallen Angels are usually agender or non binary at the time they were created and most Goetians identify as non binary or transgender (e.g. Stolas being trans masc)

Some Goetians are hellborns

Prince Stolas of Lust and Greed

Alias: Stephen, Steven and Steve

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 6000~ (mentally and physically 40s)

Gender: Trans masculine

Sexuality: Bisexual

Species: Owl demon (formerly fallen angel)

Voiceclaim and Human form faceclaim: Jemaine Clement

Inspirations: Winston Scott (John Wick), Oliver Bird (Legion), Lord Joseph Banks (Uncle Bertie’s Botanarium), Jemaine Clement’s DILF form, Paimon’s owl form, 70s fashion and Bowie-esque outfits (specifically his forehead and his outfit which is based on The White Duke era)

Known for his various knowledge of astronomy, botany, herbs, poisons, and any sorts of traditional medicines

Usually responsible for the economic rise of herbs which leads demons in Gluttony to indulge with his mixture of herbs in the 60s

Adopted young Andrealphus after his father’s death (OG Andre was close with Stolas)

Lord Shax, marquise of Wrath and Greed

Alias: Stella

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 6000~ (physically and mentally 40s)

Gender: Trans feminine

Sexuality: Bisexual

Species: Stork demon

Voiceclaim: Olivia Colman

Inspirations: Shax (Good Omens), The Adjudicator (The Continental), Lord Shen (Kung Fu Panda 2), 19th century to 1930s fashion, and equestrian wear

Combat skills are inspired by Lord Shen

Responsible for lootings in the Mortal Realm

Stolas’ former lover and current arch-nemesis (lovers to enemies)

Professional liar and gaslighter (unless placed in a magic triangle)

Has an ability to lose memory and knowledge of a person (her abilities opposes Stolas’)

Known for plucking eyes and used plucked eyes as different forms of jewelry

Would accept an exchange of vial from horse liver from the conjurer’s horse

Lord Andrealphus the Younger, marquise of Lust

Alias: Andre

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 2000~

Gender: Male

Sexuality: unlabeled

Species: Peafowl demon (Hellborn)

Stolas' adoptive son and apprentice

Takes Octavia’s role in the rewrite

His biological father is the OG Andrealphus (but he died after being exterminated)

Not to be confused with Stella’s brother with the same name (aka Canon Andrealphus)

Lord Andras, marquise of Wrath

Pronouns: She/they

Age: 2000~

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Unlabeled

Species: Owl hybrid (Hellborn)

Stolas’ daughter with Shax

Andre’s younger sister

Human Sinners

Human sinners are the lowest class in Hell’s system since Hell is meant to punish sinners

Yet there are some sinners who are part of a Goetian legion (like Shax’s)

[once-upon-helluvaboss]

Western Energy Rewrite

An elevator door opened on the top floor of aptly named ‘Richest Cup Cafe’, inside was an imp server and Stolas with Stella holding onto his arm.

“Right this way.” The imp said leading to the two to their private seating. The imp opened the more or less soundproof curtain and pulled back the two seats for the birds.

As Stella and Stolas sat the imp set down two menus, “ Another server will be back soon for your orders soon, " The said before giving a bow and leaving two to themselves.

Stella’s face dropped almost immediately after the imp was gone, giving a small huff and turning her head away from Stolas as he sighed.

After a moment of silence Stolas sighed, rubbing his head. “I don’t know why you insisted we come so early…” Stolas commented, rubbing his head.

“I always like to be early, you know hectic traffic can become! I bet you just wanted to try to get a quickie with that imp!” Stella accused,

“What, no it's not that at all! It's just– oh why do I bother?” Stolas sighed as he relented, not wanting another argument as he took off his hat to rub his temples.

“Maybe we should have left a bit later so you wouldnt look like such a mess!” She responded, it was true Stolas hadn't exactly taken the best care of himself as of late.

“Ugh I swear the only reason I haven't divorced your sorry ass already is because we both know you’d be hopeless without me!” She huffed as she began digging through her small handbag.

Despite the size of it never ceased to amaze Stolas just how much fit in the purse as Stella threw out a lamp,bouquet, and small dog all while looking for a brush.

“Come here,” Stella said finally finding the brush before reaching over the table and grabbed Stolas’s face pulling him close to brush his feather back.

Stolas couldn't stop himself from blushing. You would think that with everything going on Stella would have tried to discreetly rip a few of his feathers out, but she simply brushed his feathers and combed through them with her fingers as tenderly as she always had.

Stolas closed his eyes at the soothing feeling, reminding him of when Octavia was young. How he and Stella would cuddle with their daughter between them. Back then his only worry was what they were getting for breakfast the next morning.

Finally Stella let go of him and they both sat back in their seats. He felt happy seeing the slight blush across her pale feathers, for a moment he felt like this was just a date and that they'd be entangled with each other when they got home. For a moment he felt as if everything was okay.

Suddenly they curtain shot open and there stood Andrealphus, Stella’s older brother and the two were quickly reminded why they were here.

“Stella, oh hello my darling sister!” He said coming towards her with a hug that she happily received.

He then stood up and turned to Stolas, “Hello Stolas.” He said a sly smile plastered on his face.

“Andrealphus.” Stolas grimached.

“Now that I’m here, let's not beat around the bush shall we?” Andrealphus said in the same sly tone.

“Agreed.” Stella said as an imp server walked in putting a tiny imp on the table along with a kettle and teacups for the birds.

“Stella, he has nothing to do with us, why did you insist on him being here?!” Stolas groaned

Before Stella could get a word in, the window breaks, revealing Striker posing on a table. He discards his poncho and twirls two angelic revolvers in his hands. He fires one and the bullet hits the window near Stolas' head. Stella looks on a bit shocked as Stolas dodges more bullets. He changes his form and tries to fly out toward the exit. Striker wraps Stolas in glowing white rope before he can escape. Stolas falls to the ground in an alley, captured.

“Lovely, just lovely…” He groaned

_______________________________________________

On the highway Blitzo is driving the I.M.P. van, with Moxxie and Millie in the back and a fearful Loona next to Blitzo. Blitz's phone lets out a bird ringtone.

“Oh, shit. Stolas! It's really not a good time, man…”

“Sorry it's a bad time yet again. But, I seem to have found myself in a bit of a struggle. I'm tied to the back of a horse at the moment.” Stolas responded with an exasperated sigh.

“Pfft...lucky bitch.” Blitzo responded

“Rather unlucky actually, I seem to have been stolen by that little cowboy friend of yours!” Said annoyed that Blitzo wasn't taking him seriously.

“Ohh, which one?” Blitzo responded monotone again.

“How many cowboy friends do you have? What does he look like, your highness?” Moxxie asked.

Stolas glances up at Striker's grinning face. “Umm… he has a shiny gold tooth?” Stolas shrugged.

“That's Striker, sir!” Moxxie exclaims

“Oh, for fuck's sake! A– wait can't you just get away? With that big demon form thing?”

“Believe I would have if it wasn't for this blessed rope, he’s bound me in! So, do you think you could come give me a hand!?” Stolas exclaimed as he began to worry more wondering where he was being hauled off to.

“Oh, shit. Stolas, I can't today, alright? I'm sorry. I-I'm literally on my way to take Loona in for her very important Hellbies s-h-o-t.” Blitzo spelled out glancing nervously at a frightened Loona. “It takes years to book an appointment at this place, it took five to get this one. So, you know- eh, and she's been doing a lot of field work. So, you know, she needs it! Plus your royalty you probably have like a bajillion guards coming to get you anyway!”

“But they won't-" Before Stolas could finish Striker swipes the phone away with his tail. “Would you shut up already? I can hear you, y’know!”

“Don't worry about your lanky bird...he's in good hands.” Striker smiles before crushing the phone

“Shit.” Stolas cursed.

“Gaaagh, damn it!” Blitzo squeezes his phone in his hand. He moves the clutch forward and the van speeds down the highway.

“Sir, let me and Moxxie handle this one.” Millie says

“Are you sure you two got this alone?” Blitzo asked

“We got it, sir! Together, we are a lethal combo. Not to mention we both have a score to settle with that dickhead!” Moxxie responds as Millie places a cowboy hat onto Moxxie's head.

“Alright. Well, hurry. Stolas sounds like he might be in real shit this time.” Blitzo says as he pulls up to the tall Fd. An's Hospital main building.

“And knowing that guy's aesthetic, my money's on Wrath.” Blitzo continues as he drops the car keys into Moxxie's hand, before pulling Loona out of the van and carrying her over his head.

“Now, get your asses down there and look for some cowboy crap or something.” He yells as Moxxie drives the van away.

“Come on, Loonie. Come on, this will be over lickety-split, alright?” Blitzo assures as she pushes the door open and drags Loona inside by her tail.

“Of all the days for him to get his stupid feathered-ass kidnapped...I have waited five fucking years for this appointment! FUCK ME IN MY LITTLE RED HOLE!” He yells before Blitzo glances over to a mother giving him a quick dirty look her kid on a leash next to her

“Hi. The fuck you looking at?” He says as the woman rolls her eyes.

Blitzo walks up to the desk toward a nurse from the sloth ring. “Heya, toots. I'm here for that S-H-O-T for my Loonie Toonie.” Blitzo laughs as Loona growls from behind, seeing a nearby poster shows a hound with a needle in its back that reads ‘Get yours today or else!’

“The what?” The nurse says blinking one eye at a time.

Blitzo groans “The bullshit that my daughter has to get every year that you mother fuckers only allow us to schedule every five years. How the fuck you fuck up that bad, anyway?” he says, writing down his name on the clipboard's paper.

“Oh, I can't spell.” The nurse says as Blitzo pushes the clipboard to her. “I can't read, either.”

Blitzo groans again, “The fucking Hellbies shot you fucking re-” Blitzo paused clenching his fists before continuing. “The appointment is under Blitzo” He continued gritting his teeth.

The nurse flips through a notebook full of appointments. “Uhhh... I don't see any Blitz on the list.” She says tapping the clipboard.

“With an "o", it's silent…” Blitzo hissed.

The nurse flips the notebook over “OH! An "o" right here. Yep, yep! Blitzoooo, Blitzooo”. She says as Blitzo's eye twitches as he seethes in anger.

“Yes, we'll be ready for her in just a bit. Please take a seat, Mr. O.” Blitzo sighs as he accidently reveals the pistol hidden in his shirt and the mother glares at him.

He simply rolls his eyes as he takes a seat, “Of all things to worry about in hell!” He says glaring back at the mother,

Blitzo glances at Loona who is whimpering in fear under three chairs. “Oh, don't worry, Loonie. It's okay, it's just one little prick, you won't even feel it!” He says hoping to calm her.

“Ew, don't say that, it sounds vulgar!” The mother says

“What? Vulgar?” Blitzo says, looking back to the woman.

“Pervert!” Se exclaims

_______________________________________________

Striker continues galloping on his horse with Stolas tied up behind him, as the cowboy's theme song begins.

♫ He's galloping over the dusty plains ♫

♫ Even the cacti know his name ♫

♫ If you don't want to die, don't cross his path ♫

♫ The best assassin in the Ring of Wrath ♫

♫ He's Striker! He's Striker! ♫

♫ Sure-shootin', darn-tootin', his name is Striker ♫

♫ Gonna bring that bird back to his lair ♫

♫ With his magic rope and Western flair ♫

♫ He's very good at causing pain ♫

♫ And he loves to ride on the choo-choo- ♫

Striker glares at the mariachi quartet imps before they can say "train".

♫ Dirty-dealin', prince-stealin' ♫

♫ He's a villain, Striker! ♫

♫ He's fast and strong and tall and mean ♫

♫ The foulest imp you've ever seen ♫

♫ He'll break your bones to hear 'em crunch ♫

♫ He likes to eat pâté for lunch ♫

♫ He's Striker, hmm, ye-ye-yeah ♫

♫ He's Striker ♫

The last imp extends the notes, much to Striker's annoyance.

♫ He's Striker, he- ♫

“SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M TRYIN' TO DO MY FUCKING JOB! YOU COMIN' IN HERE SINGING ABOUT ME FOR THE MILLIONTH FUCKING TIME! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE, YOU FUCKIN' FREAKS!” Striker screams as the terrified mariachi impulses quietly ride away in the cart.

“How does one get their own theme song?” Stolas asks.

“Trust me ya’ don’t want one!” He hisses back.

_______________________________________________

Back in the waiting room Blitzo tries to converse in his boredom “Soooo, nice weather we're having, huh?”

“Hey mommy, is he one of those fire toads you told me about?” The kid asks innocently pointing to Blitzo

“The fuck did you just call me?” Blitzo growls

“It's not polite to call them that to their face, honey. Wait until we're in the car.” The mother says patting him on his head

“You got a problem with me, cunt?” Blitzo responds

“There is a child present, you filthy Imp!” The woman says, covering her son's ears.

“I may be an imp, but I aint filthy! Oh also, my kid's here, too, and I don't think she would appreciate you calling her father..."things". Also this is literally hell, your son's heard worse!” Blitzo said, gritting his teeth again.

“Is there any way we can reschedule for a time when less of the unemployed rabble are out?” The mothers asks the nurse.

“Oh, please. I bet the hardest work you've ever done is convincing your husband that little shit's his!” She yelled pointing to the kid whose eyes began to water.

“Oh, yeah? And what do you do that's so important?” She asks rolling her eyes

“Me? Oh, I kill people. How does a two for one special sound, whore?”Blitzo says, pulling out his flintlock pistol and pointing it at her.

“Ahem Mr. O, the doc will see your hound now.” The nurse causes Blitzo to drop the mother and he strangles before grabbing Loona and heading into the room blowing a raspberry behind him.

_______________________________________________

Somewhere in the desert Moxxie and Millie pull up to a gas station “Crumbs! I'll grab the gas. Millie, go and see if anyone's seen Striker anywhere.” Moxxie said as he stepped out of the car, soon a biker gang pulled up. One of them noticed Moxxie.

“Hey, queer boy! You stealin' my hat?” One of them yells.

“Where else would you find a homophobe but hell?” Moxxie mumbles under his breath

“Hey I’m talking to you!” The biker yelled, making Moxxie turn.

“What?” Moxxie said

“Same hat.” The biker said, pointing to his hat identical to Moxxies.

“Oh, um sorry? My wife just put this hat on my head. You know, because it was...hot...outside..” Moxxie responded nervously.

The biker gets into Moxxie's face. “Saaame. Haaat.”

“So, we're doing this now, huh?” Moxxie sighs.

As Millie looks around the gas station she finds a mariachi band,“Howdy, boys! Y'all seen this motherfucker riding around here?” Millie says showing the band a drawing of Striker firing a gun. As Moxxie fights the bikers near the pumps.

“♫ He's galloping- ♫” The quartet begins.

“No, NO! No singing! Just a yes or no, please.” Moxxie sighs.

One of the quartet imps cough, “Yeah, he lives out by the Badman Lands, in the old train tunnel near the mine shafts, ya can't miss it.” The second member says.

Moxxie rides on the biker leader's back and slams the biker's head on the door. He slams the biker's head through one of the van windows. He swipes his credit card before avoiding the biker's attacks, before taking the gas nozzle and wrapping it around the biker's throat. He then pulls the biker down, puts the nozzle in the tank and leans against the van with his phone with a sigh.

“Thank you, kindly. Come on, Mox! We got a lead!” Millie says as she and Moxxie get back in the van. Moxxie speeds forward, taking off the biker's head and exploding the gas station.

_______________________________________________

In Striker's hideout where he's tied up Stolas upside down on some railroad tracks. Stolas opens his eyes and spots Striker nearby using a whetstone to sharpen a Blessed Knife.

“So, my wife paid you for this? Wouldn't a holy bullet have sufficed?” Stolas sighed.

“I was paid to give you the real royal treatment; your wife must REALLY hate you.” Striker chuckled

“Mphm” Stolas sighed “So. Train tracks? Really? Seems a bit clichéd, doesn't it?” Stolas said, trying to calm himself.

“It's a classic. What can I say!” Striker chuckled again.

“Is the giant statue of yourself also a 'classic' or...?” Stolas said looking up to a statue in front of Striker that has him grinning with a giant erection.

Striker growls throwing the whetstone at the statue. “Ugh those fucking mariachi freaks put it up! Havent had the fucking chance to take it down!” He growls glaring up at it.

“I'm just impressed you seem to have such dedicated fans.” Stolas responded

“I call 'em' stalkers, but to each town!” Striker said as he walked up and stabbed Stolas with the now sharpened knife.

“AAAGH!” Stolas yells as Striker cuts him down.

“What the hell! I thought we were having a conversation!” Stolas coughed

“Listen, I'm just doing my job, nothing personal.” Striker laughed as Stolas tried to petrify him with his eyes.

“Don't bother trying to use your little eye trick on me; those ropes ain't gonna let you do a thing.” Striker laughed, stepping on Stolas's open wound.

“Well, you seem to be forgetting; You're dealing with royalty, I’ll have someone get me out of this one way or another!” Stolas declares kicking Striker in the face

Striker grabs Stolas's ankle and Striker lifts up his foot and stomp on Stolas's leg and breaks it.

Stolas grunts trying his best not to show his pain, “Blitzo handles me rougher than that in bed; nice try!”

Put off by this, Striker stabs Stolas in the leg. “And his knife is bigger... and hits sooooo much deeper.” Stolas chuckles meekly.

“Being a smartass hmm?” Striker asks, grabbing Stolas by his hair feathers. “Cause, once I split your neck open and let you choke on your own blue blood, you won't be worth any more than the tombstone you'll be buried under.” Striker threatens holding his blessed knife at the back of Stolas’s neck.

“Blitzo says far more dirtier things to me with much sharper objects at my throat.” Angered with Stolas' refusal to give in, Striker throws him to the ground, “Alright birdy, now it's personal!”

Back at Fd. An's Hospital, Blitzo and Loona are inside the doctor's office.

“Welcome, Bingo. And this must be Tuna.” A demon doctor named Somna says.

“Loona, yeah. And you can hurry up, please; she isn't a fan of shots. So, let's make this quick for all our sake.” Blitzo warns

“Oho! Come, now; she can't be that bad! I see hellhounds every day; there hasn't been one that has caused any issues!” Dr.Somna assures before pulling out a comically oversized syringe; Loona immediately growls and lunges at him. Blitzo quickly grabs the doctor and gets him out of the way.

“Told ya’, dipshit.”

In Andrealphus's mansion in the Pride Ring. Andrealphus and Stella are having tea and Andrealphus creates several ice cubes, stirring them into his drink.

“So, earlier. That assassin.Was that you~?” Adrealphus says playfully

“Guilty~. Yes, it was.” Stella as a mix of emotions bubbled in her chest.

“You silly minx, you! I told you all we needed one more try and now he’ll be out of feathers forever!” Andrealphus giggles.

Stella paused for a moment before gulping her hot tea, “B-but maybe I should call it off!” Stella yelled out.

Andrealphus nearily spits out his tea, “Now why in the seven circles would you want that?! He’s embarrassed you and your daughter, and descarsied your marriage, all while sleeping with an imp no less! I mean if it were me he would've been long gone!” Andrealphus huffed.

Stella began to twiddle her fingers “Ah, well… I just realised it wouldn't exactly turn out that well.” Stella started

“He'll be dead; why wouldn't it turn out well? Don’t tell you've grown sympathy for that imp sucker.” Andrealphus said rolling his eyes

“What– noooo obviously not! It's just that…. I've already produced an heir; when he dies, his duties, his possessions, his legions, it'll all pass to.... Octavia!”

Andrealphus absentmindedly continues to drink without acknowledging her.

“If Skriker killed him, I would....”

“Laugh? Ha-” Andrealphus said.

“I'd get nothing! Even if he somehow hasn't realised I sent an assassin after him, w-we haven't talked about wills meaning in any case Octavia is the de facto inheritor! And if she finds out I was the one who killed her father I doubt she’ll want to share!” Stella yelled

Andrealphus paused and put a hand on his chin. “Mm I must admit dear sister you're more than your face! But in that case what do you suggest we do? But we’ve already gone quite far, if this gets out we’d be in trouble you know, so have any ideas?” He asked, standing up from his chair and coming closer to him.

Stella bit her nail avoiding her brother's eyes “Hmm. W-well, I'm not sure. But I do know we can't do much if he’s dead, but with him alive, we have options. Plus he has some desire to rekindle our relationship so he’d probably keep quiet. So I think it's best we bide our time and wait for an opportunity…”

“Oohhhhhh, but I- we want him dead so badly!” Andrealphus pouted. “But I see what you mean, my fiery vixen.” He continues as briefly cups Stella's face with a single hand. He grabs his icy blue customized rotary phone and sets in Stella's hand, “Go ahead call off your mangy stray.” He says walking out the room leaving Stella to stare at the phone in her hand.

_______________________________________________

Back at Striker's hideout, he throws Stolas down while circling him. Leaving Stolas panting and whimpering in pain.

“Well, this has been fun, but every good thing has to come to an end. Shame you won't see your kid again.” Striker sighs sarcastically.

“Don't you dare breathe a word about my daughter!” Stolas huffed angrily.

“Ohh, finally hit a nerve, huh?” Striker laughed.

“I swear, if you go near her, I will destroy you!” Stolas yelled

Striker stabs Stolas in the shoulder again. “Big talk. But, just that. Any last words, Goetia?” He says holding the knife dangerously close to his face.

“Blitzo will-”

“That rodeo clown told you he ain't coming; Nobody is coming.” Striker laughs maniacally.

As Striker raises the knife up to stab Stolas through the heart, he hears his phone ringing.

He groans as he picks up the call from Stella, “Listen dollface, I told you if ya’ wanted a tape that would be extra. Not to mention I’m at the end of the show!” Striker holding the phone with his shoulder to keep a grip on Stolas's collar.

“Mm, change of plans, darling. I need him alive.” Stella sighed.

Striker looks annoyed and shifts his gaze between the wounds on Stolas and his knife. Striker throws Stolas on the ground before sitting on him as he continues his call.

“I'm kind of in the middle of finishing him off.” Striker responds as Stolas tries to speak but Striker uses his tail to muffle him.

“Well, don’t. We need him alive to– ah get some affairs in order. I promise I'll pay at least two times extra, I just need you to spare him and bring him to me."

“Ugh, and you wondered why I charge spousal fee’s!” Striker exclaims.

“I know, I know. Just– do what I ask and you will be generously compensated!” Stella assured.

“Yes ma’am.” Striker groans rolling his eyes.

“Good.” Stella says with a sigh of relief as she hangs up the call.

Striker growls and smashes his phone against a rock. “Well, good news for you, Feathers. Dolly said she don't want you dead no more!” Stolas sighed in relief before Skriker continued, “But, she didn't say what condition you had to be in.” He smiles as he grabs Stolas and hovers his knife near the prince's eyes.

“I think these reds might be a pretty trophy; can't have you seeing me again, can we?” He says all to cheerily.

Suddenly a car horn is heard in the distance; Striker gets up and growls while looking for the source. Parts of the cavern ceiling give away and the I.M.P van breaks through, tumbling down an embankment and as the van comes to a stop, the door opens with Moxxie aiming a rifle at Striker.

Striker dodges several bullets and throws his knife into the rifle, causing another bullet to ricochet around the cavern and strike a nearby boom box that begins playing. As Striker pulls out two revolvers, Millie attacks him with a longsword from behind; Striker takes the sword and Millie charges with a katana while Moxxie attacks with two revolvers of his own. All three fight to a standstill and the long sword breaks, with the tip landing in the boombox. Striker is surprised by the song it switches to, but quickly disregards it as Moxxie and Millie double team him with a battle axe.

In the hospital the doctor ends up getting slammed into a bin of used needles, screaming in pain while Striker kicks Moxxie down and pins Millie to a rock with her axe back in the hideout. He notices Moxxie still moving and lassos a nearby stalagmite and slams it into Moxxie's back. As Striker goes in for the kill, Loona is pinned to the ground by Blitzo who motions to Dr. Somna to give her the shot. The doctor hurriedly sticks the shot in Loona's rear, causing her to howl in pain and rage, and bucks Blitzo off her, creating a small crater on the clinic floor.

Striker sees Moxxie reaching for his pistol “Oh, I remember how easy it is to choke the life out of you, little one.” He says pinning Moxxie on the ground and begins choking him.

“Ohhhh, harder.” Moxxie says weakly.

Striker falters before laughing. “Keep it in your pants!” He laughs again before Moxxie kicks Striker's legs out from under him and lassos Striker by the neck, spinning him around and throwing him to the ground.

“Heh, having fun with your first time on top?!” Striker laughs horsley as he aims a revolver at Moxxie, Millie frees herself and strikes the base of his statue.

Striker looks up to see it falling towards him; he tries to move out of the way, but the statue lands on top of him. As Moxxie approaches it, the smoke clears to see that Striker is gone.

“Fuck!” Moxxie curses as he looks towards Millie seeing her carrying an unconscious Stolas

“Oh, crumbs! We've got to get him to a hospital!” Moxxie yelps as they quickly load him into the van.

A group of reporters stand outside Fd. An's, Blitzo and Loona emerge, the former being beaten up and scratched and the latter with a cone around her neck and holding a lollipop. Moxxie and Millie pull up to the front

“Oh, good. You guys actually managed to-” Before he can finish a horde of medical personnel and reporters trample Blitzo as they rush to the van. Two Plague Doctors open the van door as Millie looks worried as the two put Stolas on the stretcher. Blitzo gets trample again when they wheel Stolas inside. Blitzo gets a passing look at Stolas' tail feathers as they run by him.

“Sir, are you alright?” Moxxie says helping Blitzo up.

“Oh, peachy. Yeah, no. Today has been wonderful; what the fuck was THAT about?” He asks utterly confused

“Striker messed him up, bad.” Millie says worriedly.

“Stolas– what? How?... He got hurt?” Blitzo says worriedly as a defeated Loona saunters towards the van and falls face down in the back seat.

_______________________________________________

Stolas lays in a hospital room recovering from his injuries. A heart monitor was beeping and he is surrounded by many plants; have an IV bag next to him.

Stolas hears his phone buzzing and sees a notification from Blitzo, the former starts scrolling through their prior conversations.

He looked at one from the first night they had slept together.

Stolas: WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT WAS A MISTAKE, AND WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN! I RELATIONSHIP IS PURELY PROFESSIONAL FROM HERE ON OUT!

Blitzo: UH COOL

Stolas: AND DON'T BREATHE A WORD ABOUT THIS TO ANYONE!

Blitzo: K WAZNT GOING TOO

Stolas scrolls down past a few conversations.

Stolas: WHILE I THANK YOU FOR TONIGHT, THIS THE LAST TIME THAT WILL HAPPEN!

Blitzo: THATS WHAYT YOU SAID LAST TIME BUTT SUR

He then scrolls down the ones after the night at Ozzie's.

Stolas : ‘I'M SORRY IF ANYTHING I SAID OR DID MAY HAVE OFFENDED YOU TONIGHT.’

Blitzo: ‘ITZ WHATEVS’

Stolas continues to scroll through the conversation .

Stolas : NEXT TIME YOU COME OVER, MAYBE WE CAN TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AT OZZIE'S?”

Blitzo: Y?

Stolas: I'M SORRY! NEVERMIND, IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. I WAS JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU. YOU SEEMED VERY UPSET AND YOU TOOK OFF SO FAST. BUT MAYBE I READ TOO MUCH INTO THAT, I'M GLAD IF THAT'S NOT THE CASE. I WASN'T UPSET EITHER, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU WEREN'T AND OBVIOUSLY YOU CAN HANDLE ANY STUPID JOKE A CLOWN CAN MAKE. ASMODEUS CAN BE VERY INVASIVE IN HIS HUMOUR, BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY FUNNY MYSELF. WHAT HE SAID ABOUT ME AT LEAST, I ENJOY BEING THE SUBJECT OF JEST. MAYBE YOU CAN SAY MEAN THINGS TO ME TOO NEXT TIME YOU COME OVER. IF YOU WANT?

Blitzo: SHUR

Stolas continues scrolling.

Stolas: THANKS FOR HELPING ME WITH VIA TODAY, YOU WERE GREAT IN THAT HUMAN SHOW!

Blitzo: NO PROBLEMO

Stolas: ARE YOU COMING OVER TONIGHT WITH THE BOOK?

Blitzo: LYKE OLWAYS!

Stolas: IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE COMING, THAT'S OK! I'M SURE I CAN DO WITHOUT IT FOR A MONTH. :)

Blitzo: K

He was soon reaching the bottom of the conversation.

Stolas: DO YOU PLAN TO VISIT TOMORROW? I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN BUSY, AND WORKING HARD. MAYBE IF YOU'D PREFER, WE CAN SKIP THE BEDROOM AND JUST RELAX, MAYBE? I'M SURE YOU NEED A BREAK.

Blitzo: WUTEVR YOU WANT, IT'S YOUR NIGHT.

Stolas: IF YOU'RE NOT UP FOR IT, OR TOO TIRED, THAT'S PERFECTLY FINE. NO PRESSURE, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING WITH THE GRIMOIRE TILL NEXT MONTH.

Blitzo: MAE BEE

Stolas: MAYBE INSTEAD OF OUR USUAL ARRANGEMENT ON THE FULL MOON WE COULD PROPERLY CATCH UP THIS WEEK? MAYBE MONDAY?

Blitzo: I MIGHT BE BUSY

Stolas: I WOULDN'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU!

Stolas: YOU CAN ALWAYS DROP OFF THE BOOK ON THE FULL MOON AND I CAN LEAVE IT FOR YOU IF YOU ARE TOO TIRED TO DO ANYTHING...

Stolas: BUT, I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU.

Blitzo: K I HAAVE TIME FOR A QUICKIE IF YA WANT

Stolas: I CAN LIVE WITH THAT!

And finally there was Blitzo’s most recent texts

Blitzo: GET BETTER SOON :(

He weakly smiles when Blitzo sends a get well soon message.

Stolas: THANK YOU, BLITZ, THAT MEANS A LOT. I MIGHT BE HERE FOR A WHILE, IF YOU EVER WANT TO VISIT.💜

After responding, Stolas sees Blitzo typing a message but does not send it. His smile fades before he looks at other messages.

He clicks a text from his worried father telling him he had seen the news and that he will be there eventually. He laughed meekly at the wording ‘eventually’. His father had several other children and even more grandchildren he was busy with at most times so he didn't expect to see him soon but, it was good to know he cared.

He then looks at some from Octavia he had already responded to, asking if he was okay and telling him she’d be there with her mother. He then checked texts from Stella, he could see she was starting to type something but stopped, he didn't blame her, what could she really say to him?

He finally shuts his phone and rests his head on the pillow drifting into sleep as flower petals fly over his head.

_______________________________________________

Okay so weirdly enough I've actually had this done for like 2 weeks but I only posted now for some reason.

I'd say I changed a fair amount in this one, from changing the beginning with Stolas and Stella and stuff with her and Adrealphus.

And this may be a controversial change but I took out Strikers foreshadowwd trauma with royalty. Idk every other character in this show has trauma so I just didn't see the need to add him into the bunch.

And one last thing, if you have any constructive criticisms or anything you want to ask then please let me know! My askbox is open and I would love to hear what you guys have to say about my stuff.

[showtoonzfan]

I’m confused as to why Stolas is tied up and Striker hasn’t just put a bullet in em yet. Unless Stella ask him to take Stolas somewhere else to kill him?? Or he wants to trade to get his riffle back since IMP still has it with them?? Idk, man.

Yeah I have the feeling the fight scenes in this new episode will be unnecessary just like the fight scene in episode 5. Like…I could be speaking to early but why is Striker doing all of this? Kidnapping him, tying him up, I thought you were supposed to kill him, just shoot the damn bird. The fight scenes will probably be plot armor again as well, like…we all know Moxxie and Millie won’t end up getting injured, we all know Stolas WILL get injured but won’t die, so why do all of this? Oh yeah cause we’re an epic dramatic show and we need to have cool fight scenes!

[commenter2]

"Oops" review

Time to spend some time with Fizz.

Ozzie is pretty buff for a bird demon. 

While Fizz is getting dress, you can see a pic of a white version of those fly dogs that roam Hell. Now I want to see a pic of Fizz and his dog hanging out with Angel Dust and Fat Nuggets!

(insert Ozzie not being an early bird joke here)

Again from time to time the other 2 heads of Ozzie don’t emote the same feelings as Ozzie’s rooster head, making me wonder if they have some sentience of their own. It would be funny to see a scene where all 3 of them arguing with each other, maybe during a moment where Ozzie is feeling a lot of emotions at once. If that ever happens I’m going to call the sheep head Larry and the Bull head Greg. That means they are called L.O.G. XD

You know Ozzie’s place is pretty nice. I was expecting his place to be filled with NSFW stuff, maybe a wall full of people he thinks are hot which would have been a fun chance to have a pic of Lilith in the episode since I headcanon that Ozzie use to have crush on her.

Fizz destroying evidence about people thinking he and Ozzie are a couple. Nothing odd about that.

It’s cute seeing Ozzie care about Fizz’s safety. It also seems like Ozzie doesn’t like Mammon that much, or at least his ring which I don’t blame as a person/place like that would make anyone annoyed or scared.

“Says something only to do the opposite” trope.

For the Greed Ring, there is a lot of free money on the ground though I bet with how high the prices of things are there, those bills are equal to finding a penny on the ground.

Aww his white dog has walkin wheels, just like Fizz! Also the rollerblade scene a definitely a DCAU Harley Quinn reference. R.I.P. Arleen Sorkin

Ouch, that baby from the pilot is sure unlucky.

Pterodactyl demon! MORE dinosaur demons! Wait I recall there being an overlord that looks like a dinosaur in Hazbin Hotel that is Lucifers bodyguard, is she a Hell born demon like Rosie?!?!

Blitzo meets Fizz, HERE WE GO! Though I already knew this was going to happen given a leak, it’s still surprising to see Crimson and Striker in this episode. It also explains why this episode took so much time to come out, WHICH I DON’T MIND!

Cobra demon. I wonder if Lucifer or his snake friend that’s on his hat is a big fan of that species?

“Western Energy” takes place a week before this episode. Good to know, especially for later.

 “something of value” AKA Moxxie.

The mom of the stroller kid is in the crowd with a broken bottle. You think she is going to use that on Fizz? If so she is a good mom :)

So that…. factory seems to confirm my headcanon/theory about Ozzie being a technical genius. Also HOW is Vivzie still getting away with stuff like this on YouTube?????

Again it’s been a week since Western Energy and Stolas’ wounds have already fully healed, yet he was stabbed with an angelic blade. You think that would take longer to heal or lead to some permanent damage or else how is an angelic weapon truly different from a regular weapon. I think the writers should do a “MCU Iron Man” and from now on show that Stolas’ arm is not what it use to be, like he grabs it in pain from time to time or he can’t lift as much/cast spells as fast with that arm.

So the meeting is about Stolas going over his feelings for Blitz! What about trying to keep the relationship a secret? Oh forget it that goal seems to be dead anyway. Also were at the halfway point of the season and we finally get to the “I.M.P. getting Asmodean Crystal” plot point people having been pointing out since the season 2 premiere.

Love potions are real in this series? That can’t be good. I hope the writers just make fun of the idea, and not actually use that for an episode.

DON’T TELL A SIN AN IMP IS GOING TO EARTH ILLEGALLY STOLAS!!! Also why does someone like Ozzie NOT care something like that is being broken! It just makes the idea of Blitzo and the others getting caught less dramatic now since if an Sin doesn’t care, likely no one will unless I.M.P. screw up really bad or it affects someone personally.

I will admit that Ozzie is nicer than he seems. Not the first time we have seen that in demons but still.

Crimson has guts threatening a sin, I’ll give him that.

I wonder if what Crimson said about Ozzie being the weakest is accurate? Maybe Crimson only cause him that cause of how nice Ozzie is?

Ozzie getting mad like that makes my headcanon of him and Satan being close friends one step closer to coming true.

Should the Blitzo and Fizz scenes in the warehouse count as a “bottle episode”?

I’m curious about what Stolas said about a deal with a sin being an everlasting bond. Does this apply to Charlie too since she is the daughter of the devil? IS THAT WHY ALASTOR WAS TRYING TO MAKE A DEAL WITH HER IN THE PILOT!!!

IDK about you but Stolas enjoying reading contracts is just funny to me. It makes me think about one of my old ideas about how Stolas doesn’t seem to have a lot of royal responsibilities, as maybe he enjoys stuff like that so much he finishes pretty quickly and ends up having nothing to do.

Points for Blitzo in having a secret knife, as usually he isn’t that smart. Wait is this why he wears those boots? I recall a theory about him being part Imp and something else and how that explains how (slightly) different he is from other Imps, in this case has regular feet instead of hooves and I’m kind of hoping that’s still true.

Though mostly luck, I will give another smart point to Blitzo.

I do like that we got to instantly learn about the origins of what caused Fizz to lose his limbs and that Blitzo is the reason his mom is gone, but that should have been saved for a flashback episode (which I thought was going to happen here or the next episode) so it can be fleshed out more.

I’m going to guess that either Barbie Wire or Blitzo’s dad was the one who prevented Blitzo and Fizz from seeing each other after the accident, as a sort of revenge for causing the fire.

If this was a HISHE video, the mobsters would have just shot Fizz and move on with their lives.

It would have been funny if Fizz telling Blitzo to hurry up abruptly ended the song and leading to another fight.

An active torch and dynamites, oh no. Oh wait never mind.

Okay I’m willing to let Striker get away this time, only because this would be his 3rd time doing so and with the rule of 3s his last appearance will likely be his last. Let’s just hope it’s not with Crimson as along with how I think he won’t be hiring him again after this, its better to have Crimson be by himself in my Millie’s family episode idea.

OH I know that was going to happen. At least Blitzo redeemed himself, at least as much as a demon can.

The way Ozzie said Fizzy was adorable.

I like that scene of Stolas being happy about Fizz and Ozzie getting together, as it seems to express that if they can work together, he knows he and Blitzo can work together.

Okay though not pics, those statues are close to what I was getting at earlier. Thankfully Lilith wasn’t shown there, though for a second I thought she was as I personally think that lady succubus shares some physical traits with her. I mean look at it! It’s those Vaggie and Velvette Hellhounds all over again!

Was Ozzie surprised about the rain?

So I.M.P. will be getting a crystal to go on Earth now. It's a good backup way for them to keep working but I don't like how they are losing Stolas' book, as we never did see anyone try and utilize the other spells from it which I think could have led to some fun. Hopefully Blitzo and Stolas get together soon so Blitzo and co. can have access to the book again.

I sometimes wish that episodes had end credit scenes, as I could see a scene connected to tales about how Asmodeus was defeated by fish/smell of fish. In this case Fizz forgets to tell him he was around shark demons and before you know it Ozzie is having an allergic reaction.

This was one the best episodes in some time now. I loved how we got to finally learn about Fizz, (especially his past with Blitzo) but also Ozzie which gave us a lot of character and world building too. Even some unnecessary stuff like having Crimson and Striker having a role was great when I thought it wasn’t going to be.

One small thing I liked that I think we should focus on from this episode is the fact that deals with sins sound like they are ever binding, something I think is going to happen with Charlie in Hazbin Hotel. It’s very fitting for this idea I brought up involving her and Adam.

I’m also curious about what is going to happen with Crimson now. He likely still wants revenge on his son (or something else) but after failing to win against Ozzie, he is likely going to suffer some major drawbacks soon. Personally I think he is going to try and go out with a bang and I have just the episode where that can happen.

The weakest part about the episode was how the story quickly skimmed over the origins of Fizz’s accident and what caused him and Blitzo to drift apart. Again that was something they should have saved and went over more in a later episode, maybe the episode could have kept it a secret throughout the episode allowing fans to speculate what happened until it was eventually revealed.

The next episode is going to be another Fizz and Ozzie heavy episode, and though I can see us getting flashbacks to Blitzo and Fizz’s younger days where maybe we can learn more about what led to the accident and its aftermath along with what led to Fizz wanting to become a performer, I feel like most of the story is going to take place in the present.

With Mammon being the focus of Fizz’s upcoming show, I bet we will see Fizz and Ozzie having to deal with Mammon making fun of their relationship or put a lot of pressure on Fizz that he has a panic attack until Ozzie calms him down. We’ also likely see flashbacks about how they met and became a couple which leads them to just admitting they love each other to all of Hell during Fizz’s show.

This episode would be a nice chance to learn more about the sins, maybe learn about how they feel about one another, how they run Hell, and maybe see a new pic of Lucifer and Lilith before Hazbin Hotel starts airing?

There is also a chance this episode could have Blitzo and Stolas being in it and after seeing Fizz and Ozzie admit their feelings, the two decides to try dating and see where it leads? That or we see Loona Octavia appear at the performance and bond as friends.

What were your thoughts on the episode?

[nympippi]

Bitch is back at it again with M&M’S

I might finish this idk but I like dis sketch with them bein domestic n stuff 💗

[kityana]

what i’m getting from the helluva boss 2022 trailer:

- the first scene with loona is animated- meaning it’s either early in the season or possibly even from episode 8??? blitzo is wearing the same jacket he wore in episode 7 but with a different shirt.

- loona begging blitzo to stay, adding that people in whatever place she wants to stay at “know him”. i’m thinking this has something to do with blitzo’s entertainment career days. maybe more celebrities he knows? makes sense that he wouldn’t want to be there in that case.

- stolas sitting in a waiting room with his hat in his hands, looking very sad... at first i thought this might be an indication that his deal with blitzo regarding the book was found out and he’ll need to face the consequences of that, but considering later scenes.... could also be a hospital waiting room. 

- MOXXIE’S PAST. he seems to be robbing a bank with some shady character that later returns. he also seems to be rather young, or it implies he had a very controlling father. maybe this guy was an ex boyfriend? interesting stuff!

- BLITZO WITH HAIR. it looks all kinds of wrong on him, lol. it’s probably a wig. maybe a human disguise. very reminiscent of zim’s human disguise.

- BABY BLITZO AND BABY FIZZ. we’re definitely getting flashbacks to blitzo’s youth, i’m so happy. 

- AND WE’RE DEFINITELY GETTING TO SEE HOW BLITZO SEDUCED STOLAS. a little concerned that the only stolas and blitzo scenes we get seem to be from a flashback, but. well. maybe they don’t want to spoil episode 8?

- stellas approaching a clearly tearful stolas... stolas looks sad in a lot of scenes in this trailer. i’m afraid

- is that stolas in a human disguise carrying all of these bottles??? what’s going on. is stolas tagging along on a mission

- haaa someone caught fizz and ozzie being mushy. payback’s a bitch guys.

- some very suggestive fizz and blitzo scene... could also be from a flashback, but blitzo seems to be wearing his current day clothes? also fizz is stealing his keys??? what’s that about

- i’m betting mammon will play a big role next season.

- striker is back!! is he gonna be a once a season thing? or is it from episode 8? i was under the impression norman reedus is quite expensive to hire for a bigger role.

- return of the dick sparklers.

- huh. is octavia running away? 

- MILLIE AND MOXXIE VS. STRIKER. HELL YEAH. KICK HIS ASS. seriously tho i’ll be really happy if they’d be the ones to defeat him. they deserve it. they earned it.

- wonder who it is next to baby blitzo. could be some rando, but he has the same back spikes as him...

- loona getting coffee in the human world... again, a lot of scenes in the human world. interesting

- new royal bird character. possibly a relative of stolas or stella? 

- millie is on a rampage and i’m here for it

- that last scene is super ominous. the black hand seems to indicate stolas, and it seems to be wrapped in something. maybe stolas gets hurt. maybe someone stolas knows gets hurt, hence the waiting room scene prior to it. and the flower petals falling.... can the bird please be happy. can stolas be happy please. please.

[sinnerxroulette]

☕ (for Moxxie)

"Well this is weird. Normally I'm the one waking up late and you're the early bird!" (miniassassinmitzy)

Send me ☕ to catch my muse fresh out of bed.

"Yawn....had a late night at the office...Blitz kept insisting he needed my help with paperwork...pftt.."

Comes the tired reply from the older imp

@miniassassinmitzy

[pride-moth]

If you were church, I'd get on my knees [Stolitz Week Day 4 - Wedding]

Ao3 Link

Event Info Link

The paparazzi are everywhere. They sit in the trees, in the windows of neighboring buildings, in the cars on the adjacent streets, some have even made their way onto the premises. They’ve been taking pictures of everything all morning. Of the seating area, the flower arrangements, the early guests, even the waiters. They’re prepared to fill the tabloids with the most scandalous wedding in hell. A Prince and an imp. The highest and the lowest. It’s gossip pages simply filling themselves.

They’re prepared for everything. Except for the ceremony not happening in the elaborately-staged venue. They will sit there for hours until dawn comes and there’s still nobody there, except the guests and waiters who have been roaming the place since the morning. “We’ve been duped,” someone will say eventually but nobody will have any idea what to do next.

Sometime in the afternoon, the real wedding congregation is happening in the I.M.P headquarters, with only a handful of people and a private wedding photographer. Everything is decorated in the crispiest shade of white they could find. It’s smaller and simpler than the fake venue they’ve coordinated, but it’s still stunning and gorgeous and perfect, and Stolas is slowly losing his mind in his little pre-room where Millie and Octavia are doing their best to keep him together. He picks at his white suit, wrings his hands and runs to the mirror every single minute to check himself.

“You need to calm down,” Via says, slightly exasperated considering Stolas hasn’t exactly been calm in hours, “Everything’s going to be fine.”

“What if it isn’t? What if the paparazzi come here? What if they find out? What if Blitz decides he doesn’t want to marry me after all?”

“Blitz is…” Millie says while fine-tuning her own hair, “Not gonna lie, I didn’t think he’d ever marry. Didn’t seem like the type. But he’s decided to marry you and that’s something, right. Plus, you’ve gotten married before, you know how it works.”

“That was so long ago, I scarcely remember.”

“The point is there’s no reason to be nervous, everything is going to run smoothly.” Millie gives him a hearty pat on the back.

“Weren’t you nervous when you and Moxxie married?”

“Oh, I wasn’t, Moxxie almost lost it, though. But do you know what I told him?”

“What?”

“That marriage isn’t that big a deal. We love each other before the big party and we’ll love each other after the big party, just with more tax benefits.”

“That’s not very romantic…” Via remarks from across the room.

“It’s true, though, isn’t it?” Millie shrugs. “You’re just having a big party to celebrate how much you love each other. And to get tax benefits.”

“Maybe.”

“So, don’t worry about it! Also, there’s no paparazzi, they’re still swarming the fake venue, Moxxie has CCTV on them.”

“Thank you, for organizing this whole thing, I just… Didn’t want to do this with the press present. It’s… I don’t know, it feels less special when everyone gets to watch, you know?”

“No problem, and now get out there and marry my boss!”

Stolas takes a deep breath and his daughter by his hand and walks out of the room.

He walks in with Blitz already waiting in bated breath, wearing a matching white suit that makes him look just obscenely handsome and when their eyes finally meet, it’s as though all worries fall off him in an instant. It’s going to be fine, Stolas thinks, maybe all of it is going to be fine. Forever.

“You look great,” he says shyly and takes both of Blitz’ hands.

“You are absolutely smoking hot,” Blitz responds. Stolas chuckles.

Next to them, Loona, their impromptu officiator, clears her throat to get their attention. “So, uhm, again, can someone explain to me why we’re doing this all proper and pseudo-Christian??”

“Because I like to spite the establishment which I’m marrying into. Also, Christian weddings have a very good aesthetic, we’ve been over this, now ask us for our vows, Loonie,” Blitz replies sharply.

“Okay, sure, uhm, vows please?”

Stolas breathes in deeply. “Blitz, when you came into my life, I never could have imagined standing here with you now. You were loud, abrasive, vulgar and… Well, you still are all of these things, but now I love you for it. Now I want to listen to talk about nothing and rant about your least favorite fruit all day. I want to hear your voice from morning to evening and I won’t tire of it. When I met you… I thought you would be nothing but a tiny speck on my night sky. Seen once, but quickly forgotten. But now I know you’re the brightest star of them all, always leading my way. I love you and I wish to always find my way to you.”

There is some sniffling in the room, though someone is probably also throwing up.

“Wow, okay. Dad, would you like to go next?” Loona says, then, her voice shaking just the tiniest bit.

Blitz looks around and takes a deep breath. “I’ve never been lucky with relationships before, they were… Yeah, they were all pretty terrible. And I didn’t even plan on having one with you for a long time, frankly. But… You know, sometimes you don’t really have a choice. You don’t want to fall in love with the weird bird prince. You just want to get his book and you have sex with him to do, but… It becomes more than that and that’s why we’re here now. Because I love you, even though it took me a long time to accept that. And I can’t wait to be married to you and rail you in the Hellton Hotel honeymoon suite.”

There’s an uncomfortable silence for a moment. A silent, disturbed “What?” comes from Octavia.

“What?! Do you think I’m not gonna fuck my husband harder than ever before in our wedding night? Fucking prudes.”

Loona clears her throat again. “So, uhm, right. Stolas, do you wish to take Blitz over here as your husband?”

“Yes, of course I do!”

“Great. Dad. Blitz. whatever. Do you wish to take Stolas here as your husband?”

“Hell yeah, let’s go!”

“Good, then blah blah something something by the power of whatever is going on here, I pronounce you two married. But please wait until after the party with whatever you two want to do to each other…”

“And…?” Blitz says.

“Oh, right, yeah. You may now kiss. As if you need my permission for that. ...Wait, we didn’t even do the thing with the rings yet!”

But they’re already kissing. And so they share this, their first kiss as husbands, it feels exactly the same as always in the best way possible. They’ve kissed before, hundreds upon thousands of times, and this time is no different, it’s an intuitive motion, a well-practiced one, carried out with pure trust and comfort.

And yet, it absolutely is different because that kiss now carries a promise. A promise for many, many years of more kisses, years of just them, together.

The party goes into the dead of night, people dancing and drinking all in celebration of their love, it’s an almost surreal concept. Octavia gets drunk for the first time and that’s a whole piece of work, but Loona is there for her, them being sisters now and all.

But in the Hellton Hotel honeymoon suite they’ve booked for the night, nothing much actually happens because they’re drunk and tired and exhausted, so all they do is cuddle up against each other in the gratuitous pink bed and fall asleep soundly, secure in the knowledge that there’s more than enough time for everything else during the rest of their lives.

The next day, the tabloids will be filled with only one picture, the one their own wedding photographer made, the one they actually want the world to see on their own terms. It shows them, in their matching white suits, Stolas with one hand on Blitz’ hips and a content smile on his face while Blitz has his tongue out and gives the camera the middle finger.

[hazbincalifornia]

Knife Game

Chapter 11: Blitzo plays the knife game.

Likes, replies, and reblogs are all appreciated, both here and on ao3!

Warnings: Mpreg

Ao3 Link

“Oh, I have all my fingers, the knife goes chop chop chop…”  Blitzo sang to himself, hearing the pops and sharp smacks as the point of the knife hit the wood and was yanked back out. He didn’t really want to ruin his desk, so he was using Loona’s- she’d snuffed out cigarette butts on the surface and idly scratched things into it enough that she probably wouldn’t notice any little dots from five-finger fillet. Besides, his office felt kind of stuffy right now. The waiting room was much better. It felt like it had been weeks since he'd last been in here alone.

Loona had gone home early, and Moxxie and Millie were on break- off making out somewhere, probably. Blitzo swore they’d smelled like sex when coming back at least once. Sheesh, they could at least invite a guy to join in.

“...And if I hit my fingers, blood will soon come out, but all the same I play this game ‘cause that’s what it’s all about.”  He twirled the knife in his fingers before going back to the beginning. He was leaned over the desk now, half-off the seat with his tongue sticking out of his mouth in concentration. “There is an old tradition…”

The silver blurred as it whipped between his fingers, closer and closer to the red of his fingers, black gloves a promise of the blood that would spill if he made an errant twitch. His focus was intent on keeping the rhythm and his fingers stone-still as he sang mostly to help keep himself in pace. It was almost like being put into a trance, and a grin crept up his cheeks as his hand moved faster and faster without a nick to show for it. Fuck yeah he was good at this.

“...You cannot use a pen, the only way is with a knife when danger is your-”

Something inside of him gave a hard shift and his concentration shattered like glass, the knife grazing his knuckles on the way back from his pinky as his hand flew in to feel his stomach. Bright red flashed below, and Blitzo’s wrist twitched, just barely managing to drop the knife before he stabbed himself. His heart was stuttering in his chest as he stared down at the bump, breath running so fast his brain took a few seconds to catch up the way it always did when his reflexes jumped in before his mind did.

“It moved,” he breathed, eyes wide. “Holy shit, it moved.” He’d thought it was going to be an egg.

“What moved?”

Blitzo’s eyes snapped up to see Millie with Moxxie hanging off her arm, her head tilted in a concerned manner. He bent down to scoop the knife back up and casually slammed the point of the blade into the desk, impaling it hard enough to keep upright.

“Who do you think?” He squeezed the side of his stomach, now just large enough that there was enough to squeeze. “The little leech themselves.”

“Oooh!” Millie let go of Moxxie and hurried across the room, crouching down a little to put herself eye-level at Blitzo’s stomach. “Hey there, little one!”

“Millz, come on, don’t get attached.” Blitzo took a step back and she almost fell forward, pouting as she popped back up with crossed arms.

“Aw, c’mon. Even if Stolas keeps them, we’ll still probably be seeing them. There isn’t much harm to it, is there? Kids are cute!"

“Well, it’s weird.”

“Like you’d know what’s ‘weird’,” Moxxie muttered.

“Care to repeat that, Moxxie?”

“Nothing, sir.” Moxxie walked over next to Moxxie. “Just out of curiosity though… are they still moving?”

Blitzo looked down, hand flattening on the side of his stomach. “Not really- oh, wait.” There was still movement, it was just a lot more subtle than that first sharp jerk had been. “They musta been trying to do cartwheels or something, it was one big movement and now it’s just a little- hey, hey, hey!”

Moxxie had laid his hand next to Blitzo’s, face furrowed as he tried to feel. “Oh, I can feel it too.”

“Paws off!”

“You get in our personal space enough, you can handle this for two seconds,” Moxxie murmured before pulling back. “It’s just wild to think that there’s a child in there.”

“Yeah, well, they’re probably just a gross meat lump that’s lucky I’m letting them chill rent-free because bird-daddy’s taking care of it. Privileged little shit.” He didn’t realize that there was a twitching smile on his face as he looked down until Millie started grinning back at him and poked his cheek.

“Aw, you’re liking it a little too, aren’t you?”

“Just glad they’ve got my acrobatic talent, that’s all. Stolas’s gonna have a hell of a time keeping up.” Blitzo’s fingers splayed out, only now realizing that he’d made a slash on the back of his glove when he’d dragged the knife over it. He winced. At least he had replacements at home, but he was running through an absurd amount of clothing. More than usual.

“And you’re sure that he’ll be taking it?” Moxxie asked. “He told you?”

“He is,” Blitzo said confidently. “C’mon, I can’t deal with a baby. I’m just growing the thing, then it’s his problem. Anyway, who wants to go out for smoothies?” He draped his arms over Millie and Moxxie’s shoulders, tugging them both close. “The client for today never called in, something must have happened to them so we’ve got a free day. I found this one place. It’s not half as good as iced coffee, but the strawberry one kicks ass.”

Millie nodded, bouncing on her toes, and Moxxie sighed.

“That sounds good.”

"It's a date then!"

[visata]

꧁ Moxxi Headcanons꧂

Ages moxxi had her kids

Ellie- 14

Scooter (& his twin)- 16

Sammy- 24

Nicknames she has for the kids:

Ellie- El, Ry-bug( bc of her middle name), baby

Scooter- Scoot, Scoots, baby boy, idiot, sweetheart

Sammy- sam, sammy, spunk, red, peanut, bug, little gremlin, bunny,

Domestic AU bonus

Audrey: Auddie, lil bird, buttercup

Angel: miss blue, Hyperions princess, redwood

Moxxi's attitude towards kids that aren't hers:

If they're alone or need some kind of help, she welcomes kids to her home with open arms. She'd want someone else to do the same for her kids.

Moxxi's opinion on dad jokes:

She loves them. She makes a lot of them herself.

Moxxi's opinion on Ellie's weight:

In the past, Moxxi was extremely worried about her, wanting her to be able to get someone to love her. Moxxi was extremely shallow in her 20s and early 30s. After She realized Ellie was actually happy and proud of herself, Mox eased up on her considerably. Still she sometimes jokes she should put on a bit of makeup, before reminding El that it was a joke and her daughter was beautiful just the way she is

[galaxies-unknown-a]

Today was a good day.. Everyone got to go home early due to the pipes bursting at school flooding the whole place.. moxxie had already gone home with storm but when Writer and koro finally came home they were in for a big surprise! The whole front yard was filled with activity of imps and hellhounds bringing dishes to set on a huge long table which was already bursting with dishes of all kinds. Chicken, beef, pork, fish even exotic things like rabbit, game birds even a goose plus there were so many homemade desserts beyond the eye could see it seemed heck there was even what looked like a whole HUGE boar on a spit being cooked over a fire! There were children running around playing with each other or they found a zombie or skeleton trapped under a tree and were harassing them until a adult came to shoo them. A couple adults or teens were helping mobs with umbrellas so they didn't burn while ushering them back to the caves but a few mobs were brave enough to stay to watch the event unfolding. Moxxie was helping in bringing dishes to the table or grabbing a kid that got too close to an irritated mob.. Storm was doing his part by helping keep an eye on the much younger pups and implings making sure they did not crawl too far away.. It was Grandma moon that spotted the two hobbling over with a big smile. " Welcome home you two! Food is just about done! I hope you don't mind but we wanted to surprise you with a picnic or sort for caring and taking moxxie in as ya own."

Korosensei and Writer were equally floored. The octopus had spent what remained of the now-canceled school day to clean up the facilities, while Writer called for someone to come by and fix the pipes. Of course, this had gone slightly awry since Writer still didn't fully understand the culture of the land, but in the end, someone had shown up- and Korosensei and Writer, finally content that the work would get done (and they could have an afternoon free) had gone home.

They had not expected, however, to come home to an entire grassy plane full of hellhounds and imps. Even moreso was the stretching table (how was it even that long?!) that went onto the horizon, each inch laden with food, from end to (probably) end. Korosensei squealed in delight when his mind finally caught up (so a grand total of two seconds), a few tentacles wrapping around his head. His squeal of delight died down as he was approached by an older hellhound, but his grin never shrank- if anything, it grew.

"I assure you, I don't mind at all! This is all very impressive, ma'am!" He laughed. "But taking care of Moxxie is its own reward, as I am quite sure you're aware." He rested a tendril on Writer's shoulder. "I am very honored that you would do all this for Writer and I! I'm afraid I don't know where to start on this entire event, though, so it may take some guidance." He chuckled.

"Thank you, ma'am." Writer's voice had dropped to barely audible. They stayed close to KS. No offense was meant to the family of Moxxie, they just didn't do well with crowds.- Not unless it was some play, and even then they just powered through their panic until their scene was done. Still though, everyone looked happy and calm... Which helped to assuage some of their anxieties, but not all. "... I see some of the others have taken to helping the mobs out?"

[sending-the-message]

Case #2- Youtube's Most Mysterious Vlogger Part 3 (Final) by JacobMielke

(This is the conclusion to Case #2. Part one can be read here and part two can be read here )

Noonan Park was small, not much more than 150 acres. The parking lot adjacent to it was empty, perhaps because it was so early in the morning. Looking at it from the outside (not to mention the maps I’d studied before arriving) it didn’t seem like there could be a house in there. Not a secret one anyway, and it had to be secret if it was built in a state park.

I was hesitant to go in. All through the night and morning I kept turning the case over in my head, trying to find an alternative to the conclusion I kept arriving at: I was being led by something that wanted me here, for reasons unknown. My presence was expected.

It should have been easy to avoid the trap; all I had to do was turn around and walk away. But Moxxy was missing, seemingly a victim of whatever had killed and impersonated the Youtuber Opperyke, and I couldn’t abandon her to whatever fate that thing had in store. She was still alive, I knew it. If the thing wanted her dead, it would have killed her like it did Ms. Cranston and Opperyke himself. Their bodies were left for the world to find. There was no reason to physically take Moxxy except to use as bait. And every fisherman knows live bait is the best bait.

There were several trails leading into the park. I picked one at random and made my way in.

Everything was still and silent. No wind rustled the trees, no animals moved through the brush. There were no insects chirping or doves cooing, no tapping of a woodpecker’s beak on the bark of trees and no bubbling of any nearby streams.

Ever since I started Mielke Investigations I’d been developing a sense for knowing when I was in the presence of something supernatural. It started in the basement of the strip club during our first case, when I felt a presence in the dark rather than saw it and it happened again during this case after Ms. Cranston’s diary found its way to my motel room and something unseen followed it in.

And now I had the feeling again. Something was in Noonan Park, shadowing my every step. In my experience, it was best not to acknowledge malevolent entities unless they acknowledged you first, so I remained silent.

A part of me never really believed there was a house in these woods. The park was too small, someone would have seen it by now. So when I saw the two story building of gray stone, I was surprised. It was somewhat hidden; it was surrounded on all sides by trees and there was more vine-covered area than not, but I still found it hard to believe no park official ever noticed. Perhaps it was old enough to have been there before the woods became state land.

I had to hurry if I was going to explore the house. It was starting to get dark and I didn’t bring a flashlight…

Because why would I? It was early when I arrived. I pulled out my phone and checked the time. I’d been wandering a 150 acre park for over eight hours. Behind me, something laughed. I didn’t hear it.

I was probably violating a few laws by breaking in, even if the place was abandoned. The door to the house was locked but it was also made of old, rotting wood. One good shove forced it open. A rush of air from inside swept over me. It smelled and tasted stale, of course, but there was something else mixed with the old air, a faint whiff of odor that reminded me of the rancid smell of a recycling plant.

I stepped inside, leaving the door open to let some light in. The place was filthy and cobwebs covered everything I saw. The ground was littered with the corpses of many thousands of insects and arachnids. There were also bones scattered here and there that looked to belong to rodents and birds. A few were big enough to belong to a raccoon or opossum.

There were footsteps on the ceiling. The feeling that there was something unnatural near me was stronger than ever. Whatever resided here was responsible for the deaths of at least two people. I had to tread carefully.

I had nothing on me to serve as a weapon and even if I did, I doubted anything physical could hurt the entity I was hunting. Even so, I went outside and picked up a hefty rock. It might have been useless for protection, but it made me feel better anyway.

I took the stairs one at a time and they thankfully seemed to be less rotted than the door. There were a multitude of rooms on the top floor and sounds were coming from one of them.

I looked inside and the muttering stopped. The figure standing in the empty room turned to look at me. I dropped the rock and ran to her, pulling her into a bear hug. Moxxy responded by wrapping her own arms around me but she did it slowly.

“Jacob? Where am I? Is this where we’re meeting for coffee?”

Her words were slurred and her eyes didn’t focus on me when I pulled out of the hug to look at her. “What do you remember?”

She looked around the room, as if she might find her thoughts scattered about. “I was on the computer and I got up to use the bathroom or get something to eat or… something. I was looking for something and I got lost and I just kept walking until I ran into you. But that doesn’t make any sense, does it? Where are we?”

“It doesn’t matter. Right now, let’s get out of this place. I’ll tell you everything outside.”

She nodded a few seconds longer than necessary and moved toward the door. I blinked and everything changed. Moxxy was gone, the door was shut, and the only illumination came from the moonlight streaming in through the window. I froze as my mind tried to make sense of what just happened. It was still light out a moment ago; all I did was blink.

“Alone at last.”

The voice came from within the room, but I couldn’t see the source. I so badly wanted to panic but I knew if I did, that was it for me. So I concentrated on my breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Slow and deliberate.

“I’ve been watching you for a long time, Jacob. I’ve studied you far longer than you’ve studied me. I like what I see.”

Don’t engage it, leave the room. Get moving, don’t engage it. Don’t engage it, don’t engage it…

“I know you have questions. Ask them. You’ve crossed hundreds of miles to see me. Now’s your chance to learn. I’ll tell you everything, if you just ask. Do you want to know my secret?”

“What are you?” Shit, I engaged it.

“I’m an abstract. I live off of stories. The boy who found me was a good storyteller and his stories attracted thousands on his video channel. Their attention fed me well. But I want more. I want what your stories can give me. Above everything else, I want you.”

“You can’t have me, but if you let me go, and Moxxy too, I’ll give you stories. I’ll share them with everyone. I’ll tell the whole world about you. Will that be enough for you?”

There was silence for a moment, then: “For now, yes. But sooner or later, you’ll give yourself to me. You’re not ready yet, but you can’t resist forever. You’re like me, you love the stories. You need to know.”

“I know your secret now. Will you let me and Moxxy go, in exchange for the story?”

“Write the story and all will be well. For now.”

“Great.” I willed my feet to move and left the room. I took the stairs two at a time and right as I reached the house’s front door, the voice spoke again.

“You’re wrong about one thing. You don’t know my secret, not yet. But I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be watching you, always. When you’re ready to know, just ask.”

Moxxy was waiting for me when I left the house. She sat on the ground near a boulder, arms wrapped around herself, shivering. She didn’t look at me as I approached but spoke softly when I helped her to her feet. “You were gone a long time. Where did you go? Where did I go?”

I took her by the arm and led her along the path. “Everything’s going to be okay. I promise.”

Moxxy came out of her delirium on the bus ride back to Milwaukee. I recounted the whole story to her, how a strange entity came here from another world seeking stories and storytellers. I explained how it latched onto Opperyke, killing him and using his Youtube channel to feed on the attention. I told Moxxy how it had kidnapped her to lure me in, believing I would be a better source of stories than Opperyke and the deal I’d made with it in exchange for our safety.

She didn’t say much after that. A couple of the other bus passengers urged me to seek psychiatric help though.

When we got back to Milwaukee, Moxxy told me she needed some time away from me and the investigative service we’d started together. I worried that was the end of our friendship. I couldn’t blame her if it was.

I wrote down everything that happened, at least everything I was willing to share with you readers, and saved it my Case #2 folder on my laptop. I would keep up my end of the bargain with the entity and share the story with the world someday. I’d share all of them, but it wasn’t time yet (I didn’t think it would mind waiting, after all, what sense of time does an abstract being have?). I needed to work on more cases, enough to keep the stories coming for a long time. God only knows what it would do to me if I ran out of tales to tell.

I continued to work on cases and record stories over the months and years to come. I still do to this day and I’m finally sharing them with you, dear readers. Now you know my reasons weren’t entirely selfish.

I can’t say I mind much. I wouldn’t be in this line of work if I wasn’t drawn to the supernatural and the tales they tell me. In some way, the entity was right. I am just like it, snapping up stories and sharing them with the world. I thrive on stories and am happiest when I’m telling them.

The entity mostly leaves me alone. No one else has been threatened or attacked because of me. Oh, every once in awhile it’ll do something to make its presence known. It’s just reminding me that it’s always there, always watching, waiting for me to share our story. And sometimes, not often, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and a voice will whisper to me:

“Do you want to know my secret?”

(That concludes Case #2 of Mielke Investigations. To read Case #1, go here More cases are on their way.)