#Nell Way

[thegreenleavesofspring]

Silence for a few minutes. The cloud of Billie’s thoughts all but filling the room like a smoke as she stares down at the blankets, her legs drawn up cross-legged on the mattress. A tear hits the sweats with the softest of sounds, and another, and when she finally looks up at Nell her face is painted with them. She says like she’s begging for something, “He can’t love me. I don’t deserve it.”

Nell comes and sits on the bed beside her, wrapping an arm around Billie's shoulders. "None of us deserve to be loved, child. We're all broken angry selfish horrible people. But we were also made to love and be loved and we do. Do you still love Mattie when she's having a shrieking fit? Do you still love Brian when he's at his most provoking? Deserving has nothing to do with it. It can't."

For a moment Billie stiffens but then she lays her head down very slowly on Nell’s shoulder. “Were you even listening the other day? When I was screaming like a harpy? We’re not talking shrieks and provoking. We’re talking… terrible things. And there is nothing stopping me from going right back to them.”

"Yes, I was." Nell rubs her hand up and down Billie's arm. "There is a Love that covers a multitude of sins, child."

“He thinks he can cover them but he can’t. That’s what’s so stupid about all this. He thinks he can just breeze in here and everything will be better. But it’s not better. It’s getting bad again.”

"I don't mean Brian, child – although he does love you, and he won't let it go back to the way it was before – I'm talking about someone Who can help you change entirely, and wash away all that guilt and shame you're dragging around."

Quiet for a moment. “I don’t think that’s possible. It’s like it’s… it’s all just fact now. It’s like toothpaste out of the tube. Rancid, poisonous toothpaste. And now I get to watch my family smear it around.”

Nell smiles a little out the window, eyes soft and thoughtful, and begins to sing under her breath. "What can wash away my sin, nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus." She blinks and looks down at Billie. "Toothpaste can be wiped up, child. Thrown in the trash to never be a problem again."

“It can’t be. This is how it is here. You’ve been here long enough now to see. It’s like a… curse or something. Riser thinks he’ll be able to love Nik enough and talk to her enough and whip her enough and she won’t grow up to be just another knocked-up, drugged-out Indian girl. But he’s wrong. He’s wrong because she’s mine and the bell’s already been rung. You can’t unring it.”

"But it can ring a new song, child. Yours can ring a new song. Nikki's can ring a new song," Nell insists. "Child. Look at me. Look at me."

Billie does, slowly, as if her head weighs a thousand pounds.

"Your past is foul, child. Mired in darkness and sorrow and brokenness and corruption," Nell says fiercely. "But so are we all. And you do not have to remain mired in that darkness and death. There is a helping hand that has been extended and waiting for you for years, waiting for you to take it. Will you lift your head out the mud of your own shame and look?"

Billie’s eyes scrunch shut. “You sound like my grandmother.”

"Do I?" Nell asks, rather amused. "So you have seen the hand. Why would you prefer to flop around in the mud then? Do you think that hand can't pull you out?"

“I don’t… I don’t know how to take ahold of it.”

Nell ponders a moment. "What has your grandmother told you about the man named Jesus?"

Billie paints a weary hand down the side of her face. “That he was… God. That he was… I don’t understand it. That God made a law and humans broke it and instead of punishing them he punished… himself? I don’t…” She drags her fingers over her eye. “And then the Great Spirit made coyotes out of someone’s liver or something, probably, I don’t… it’s just… mythology.” She lifts her head and looks at Nell and says like she’s suddenly begging, “It’s just mythology.”

"It is not," Nell contradicts firmly, but she is smiling a little. "Look at the world around you, Billie. Do you not see the hand of the Creator in it? In your infant child you are carrying?"

“I don’t know what I see. I see the wind. It’s always winter. I see my children raped and dead in a ditch when I sleep. My grandmother sees things before they happen. The only difference is she’s not afraid.”

"Would you like to not be afraid?"

“The only time I’m not afraid is when I sleep next to your son. And now I’ve ruined that, too.”

"I can tell you of a Comforter Who is with you always."

Billie laughs a little with her eyes closed. “Now that would be something.”

"It is something," Nell says earnestly. "His hands around me were the only thing keeping me going some days. Some years."

“So why you. Why you and not me? Nothing has kept me going. No hands. None but Riser’s and I have… slapped them off.”

"Because I have accepted that outstretched helping hand, child, and you have not. But it's still there. It will be there waiting for you your whole life." Nell adds rather dryly, "And despite his promises I very much doubt you've slapped Brian's hands away for good."

Billie’s eyes slide shut. She says very softly, “I think I need a few minutes.”

Nell pats her arm and stands. "I'll be here all day if you want to talk more." She goes out.

-From the last chapter of Clans of the Coyote-Girl

[fortheloveofwbb]

aces they could never make me hate you

[th3d0nutl0rd]

Hope this helps

[honibumii]

Just realized Ace is kinda going through the infamous Gifted Kid Burnout pipeline and now I might need to kill myself

[goodobservationshirley]

You know that Gotta be one of my favorite genders meme? That’s me right now about Louisa Harland, particularly when watching Renegade Nell but also Derry Girls to a lesser extent. I just want kiss the entire Renegade Nell costume department on the lips…or give them high fives if that’s what they’d prefer.

look, i didn't even know louisa harland's name before this show. she was "just" orla's actress to me. now i'm definitely a louisa harland fan. and i see what you mean about gender, the costumes ARE great but it also wouldn't work the same with every actor and louisa is a pretty great choice

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

can you imagine how obsessed we'd all be with renegade nell if we'd gotten it back during the robin hood bbc/merlin bbc days

[bigfatbreak1]

You guys aren’t posting enough about Renegade Nell, (A.K.A; the Nick Mohammed fairy show.)

Let it be known throughout this hellsite that I, bigfatbreak1, was the first to post Renegade Nell fanart. Live, laugh, love Billy (the) Blind.

[kirsty--cotton]

Evil Dead Rise + textposts

[novelconcepts]

Drawgust day 28: Crain family studies from @flanaganfilm’s Haunting of Hill House

[friendsdontlieokay]

Call me delusional but I'm hoping those two blurred out people are Joseph and Dacre🤡🤡🤡

[thegreenleavesofspring]

I missed Talk Shop Tuesday but talk to me a little about Nell, please. 👀 (or anything else that comes to your mind.)

Nell is who I aspire to be when I'm fifty. She is wise, a firm Christian; she embodies the whole "we suffer so that we may help others who suffer" shtick. She's a good mother and a good wife and a good mother-in-law and a good grandmother and a good friend. She is the kind of friend that I think every woman in her twenties should have.

Nell has done her share of weeping and wailing and gnashing her teeth and asking God WHY?! and she has come out the other side of it serener and more at peace and much much wiser and much stronger.

When her sons call her a saint, they and I mean it wholeheartedly.

Thank you for the ask! ^_^

[fortheloveofwbb]

foaming out of my mouth rn 🤰🏽

for the one n only sen

@taurasiluv

[th3d0nutl0rd]

Renegade Nell is like if BBC Merlin, POTC and Horrible Histories season 3 episode 1 had a threesome and a really weird baby was produced as a result.

[dmc-questions-anon]

Dante: What was it the old lady said? Was it "Don't talk to Rock for years and only do so once"? Yeah, that sounds about right.

[fmajorenthusiast]

Columbia: so which one of you is older?

Riff Raff: we're twins it doesn't matter

Magenta: me

[czechtex]

Billy: I'm watching you, Nelly

Nell: Even on the chamber pot?

Billy: Don't make it weird