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starlightsearches · 1 year

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requesting reader asking bf eddie to do his eyeliner n he says yes but only if they will sit on his lap while doing it!! if it gets spicy i absolutely dont mind!! also no rush!!!

AO3 Request: What about one where the reader is painting Eddie’s nails black for him after watching him struggle and somehow in between them drying they start making out and it turns a little NSFW and something about “Don’t, you’ll fuck the paint up.”

Looks That Kill

Thanks for the request, friends, and even more thanks for your patience!! Hope you enjoy 😚

Eddie Munson x F! Reader

Warnings: very very horny but not really smutty (18+ only please), language, Eddie is a SIMP always and forever, hints at sub! eddie, finger sucking, I know licking nail polish to smooth is out is gross but sometimes it's just what you do, okay??, mentions of impact play, some unfortunate cockblocking, and i think that's it! If I missed anything let me know uwu

"Jesus- fuck."

The eyeliner pencil slips from Eddie's fingers, again, clattering against the basin of the sink and leaving little black smudges around the porcelain before it slowly comes to a stop. He rubs the matching smudge off the corner of his eye with his thumb, smearing black down his cheek.

Normally, this is the point where he'd give up. If this were a gig at The Hideout, he wouldn't have even bothered to try with the makeup— would have rolled out of bed an hour before, still half high for another fucking show of watered-down covers.

But this is not just some show.

"You good, Eds?"

Your head pops into the shitty motel bathroom, drying your nails with pursed lips painted dark, perfectly-lined eyes meeting his own. Eddie shivers like you’ve got your hands on him, even though it's just the slow up and down trace of your eyes.

He knows what the look you give him means. You're trying to figure out what his problem is.

There's an immediate reminder of the secret he's been trying to keep from himself—that he's got more to be nervous about than this show and maybe a record deal and trying to put a little, black crayon by his eyeball.

"How do you even do this shit?" Eddie asks, holding the eyeliner in a tight fist like he's trying to choke it.

"It just takes practice."

You lean up against the door frame, unphased, because nothing ever gets to you. Not nerves, not shitty guys at shows, not late nights spent driving or hours in the van with nothing to look at but corn fields.

With Eddie, it's the opposite. Everything gets to him. Especially you.

He knew it was a bad idea, letting you take Grant’s spot when he went off for college. The guys were a second family to him, and the idea of replacing any of them always felt weird, like finding out your dad has a new girlfriend, and he wants you to call her mom.

But Corroded Coffin needed a bassist. And you could play—could play so good he’s pretty sure he’s been in love with you since that first note hit him in the chest.

It doesn't help that you're so fucking pretty, with your over the knee boots and those short, short skirts and fishnet tights that have him biting into the meat of his palm when you're not looking.

It doesn't help that Jeff and Gareth know way too much about his little problem, and still took the other room, leaving him high and dry.

"I don't have time for practice," he grumbles, mostly to himself, capping the eyeliner again and planting his hands against the counter.

It's not like anybody in the crowd would care if he had eyeliner on or not. Openers never got that much attention anyways. The record studio guy might be too high to even notice the name of the band, let alone what any of you looked like.

But Eddie cares. When he steps out on that stage, he wants to feel like he belongs there.

He catches you staring at him in the mirror, chewing pensively on your bottom lip, brushing a few hairs back behind your ear. You've got it just barely secured—like you always do before a show—knowing by the end of it you'll have all the loose strands sticking to your sweaty skin, making sure that everybody in the audience (and at least one of the guys on stage) can't think about anything else but fucking you.

There's a moment of prolonged eye contact between you that has Eddie glad the shirt he's wearing is black, so you won't see him sweat.

You push off the wall behind you, sliding up beside him at the counter. "Scoot over."

Eddie does, watching you take a little hop up onto the counter, shimmying the hem of your dress back down over your thighs, the fabric tight enough when you spread your legs he wonders if it'll pop at the seams.

Jesus.

"C'mere."

And Eddie gets what's going on—or he thinks he does—but it's like he can't get his legs to listen, stumbling toward you like a baby deer until his legs are just brushing your knees.

You roll your eyes at him. "Closer."

He lets out a little yelp when you tug at his wrist, pulling him in, widening your legs until there's enough room for his hips. There's a quiet sound, like fabric tearing, but maybe that's just leftover brain-rot from all the porn he watched in high school.

Your thighs close around his hips, and they're so fucking pillowy, molding against him. One of your ankles curls around the back of his knee. Eddie wonders if you can feel how close he is to buckling.

You're so fucking chill about it all, though, taking the eyeliner in one hand, gripping his chin in the other until you're almost nose to nose. It's just clouds of your shampoo and the smell of cherry-scented lip gloss Eddie'd snatched from the counter the second you stepped out of the room. Spread over the back of his hand, watched it shine in the light before immediately licking off. He needed to know what it tasted like.

You've got the pad of your thumb pressed into the soft skin under his eye, swiping away the evidence from one of his hundred other attempts.

"Look up," you tell him, catching his lashes gently under your finger when he obeys, "and stay still."

He's got no other choice. Eddie knows if he makes the slightest move, he'll feel your body move against his, and that'll have him popping a boner so fast he might lose consciousness.

One eye, and then the other—you swipe the pencil around his lash line so fast it would make him dizzy if he dared to look. The cap snaps back over the top of the eyeliner, and you drop it back into the bag.

"All done, rockstar," you tell him with a tap on the cheek, "check yourself out."

Eddie leans around you, trying to get a good look in the mirror, but his balance is all off. He's gonna fall on his ass, a thought almost too embarrassing to name, and he catches himself on the closest thing he can grab at.

Your thigh dents too pretty underneath his fingers, the backs of his rings snagging against one of the strings on your fishnets.

Fuck. Eddie's gotta play it off or he'll look like a tool—fucking about to faint because a girl is touching him—which means he's gotta keep his hand there, even if his vision is going dark at the edges. He can hardly see his own reflection.

"What d'you think?" he asks instead.

You're smiling, but in that way that has Eddie questioning everything you say, like it's all some fucked up riddle designed to torture him.

"It's sexy, Eds. You look great."

He just rolls his eyes. It's sexy, Eds. You're so fucking sexy, Eddie, and I need you to take me on this motel bathroom sink and fuck me for hours or I'm gonna claw my eyes out.

Yeah right. In his dreams, maybe.

But you didn't push his hand away, either. Let him cop a feel and you didn't even shrink away from him, or hurl. So maybe he's just being a mean little bitch to himself for the fun of it.

"Anything else?"

Yeah, Eddie thinks, slap me hard across the face then kiss it better.

But that's not really in the cards for tonight, so his eyes flash around the bathroom, landing on the black bottle of polish you brought in with you. Eddie raises his free hand, the one not on your thigh—which will stay there until he dies if he gets his way—spreading his fingers wide. "How 'bout a manicure?"

Your fingers grip at Eddie's hand, coating each of his nails with one clean swipe of the polish, breathing in deep and slow while the room floods with the scent of acetone.

"Blow," you command, placing his nails in front of his lips before you grab the other hand. Eddie's more than happy to do what he's told.

He watches you, watches the way your brows knit together, totally focused on perfection.

"You know," —your breath puffs against his knuckles, voice all quiet, "you don't need any of this shit, right? You're gonna blow it out of the fucking water, like you always do."

Eddie hopes his nails are dry already, because he's got no more breath in his lungs, just barely managing to gasp out a word.

"Oh."

You glance up at him through your lashes, and past your cool exterior and the twenty layers of apathetic irony bassists always seem to have, he knows you mean it.

Eddie flinches, hand slipping against yours. When you pull back, there's a big black smear across your thumb.

"Oh, damn, sorry."

He's left a dent in the polish on his middle finger, pushed some of the already-dry paint around until a sliver of his real nail was visible beneath.

"Don't worry about it."

If Eddie had a thousand years and unlimited guesses, he still wouldn't have come up with what you do next—taking his middle finger in your hand, pulling it toward your lips.

Your mouth is wet, and warm around his finger, and maybe Eddie moans when you suck at his skin but the roaring in his ears is too loud for him to be sure. All he knows is that he'll never need another dirty magazine or porno for the rest of his life. He's gonna be jerking off to this exact feeling forever.

Your tongue drags flat across his nail, and when you pull the digit from your mouth—all wet and shiny with your spit and stained purple with lipstick—the polish looks good as new.

"Tastes like shit, but it works," you tell him, leaning over to spit in the sink.

There's a smirk on your lips when you turn back to face him. Eddie feels like such an idiot.

All those times you'd bent over in those short skirts, gripped at his thigh while you reached for a pencil, or one of those discarded pages of lyrics on his bedroom floor and he'd sit there, staring at the ceiling and trying to name all the state's capitals so he wouldn't be sporting a boner hard enough you could see it through his jeans.

You were fucking with him this entire time.

He could have been fucking you this entire time.

"Jesus," he says, "you're a fucking tease."

You smile wider, tightening the grip of your thighs. "Maybe I just wanted to see how long it would take for you to get the fucking hint."

Eddie braces himself against the counter with both hands when he leans forward, nudging your mouth towards his with the tip of his nose and just diving in, no backup plan, no parachute. He's all in, crushing his body against yours until his hips ache against the sharp edge of the counter.

You're kissing him back, cupping your palms around his jaw, smearing that cherry lip gloss all around his mouth with the way you get into it. Breathing heavy against his cheek, slipping your tongue past his lips and tapping it against the edge of his teeth.

He grabs at your thighs—desperate and totally indifferent if you know it—pulling at you until your hips bump against his, skirt riding up again until it's sitting in the dip between your stomach and the tops of your thighs.

He slides a hand up the lattice of your tights, climbing higher and higher, so close to your cunt he can feel the heat caught up in the space between your legs.

You drop a hand from his face, press against his wrist, gasping out the words between the harsh crush of his mouth.

"Don't. You'll fuck up the paint."

Eddie shakes his head. "Don't care."

You pull back, scrunching your nose at him indignantly.

"I do."

There's a knock on the door, timing so perfect it's like you summoned it. Gareth's voice calls out through the thin walls, saying something along the lines of, "showtime, motherfuckers."

"Fuck that," Eddie lets out a hard sigh through his nose as you slide off the counter, but he makes space for you to slip out from between his arms. He watches you, leaning back against the counter while you wipe off the smeared lipstick with a washcloth, moving in close to reapply.

He couldn't give two shits about the show now.

You snap the cap back on the tube, hand him the stained rag so he can clean himself up. It turns his skin red where he rubs at the sticky stain, but he gets his first real glance at the eyeliner. It looks pretty metal.

You catch Eddie by the collar just before he's about to step out of the bathroom, two fingers sliding against his skin, pulling him close.

"Listen," —and Eddie is, feeling your lipstick brushing over the shell of his ear— "you get us this record deal, and you can do whatever you want to me tonight."

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x f!reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson #my writing #requests

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captainsophiestark · 2 years

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Do Not Disturb

Steve Rogers x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Man With A Plan Bingo 2022! @manwithaplanbingo

Fandom: Marvel

Square Filled: Cuddles

Summary: Steve's exhausted and a little run down with the hero business lately. Thankfully, he has Y/N to come home to and cuddle with. And they're not going to let ANYBODY interrupt what little rest Steve gets.

Word Count: 1,054

Category: Fluff

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I flipped to the next page of my book, trying to block out the noise and focus on the story as someone came into the living room. I'd been trying to finish the newest book in my favorite series for a while, and I'd decided to do so on the couch in the living room of Avengers Tower. If I wanted to be confident no one would disturb my reading, I would've stayed in my room, but I wanted to venture out of my cave for a little bit, and most people were training or on missions, so it felt likely that no one would bother me.

Apparently, I was wrong. Someone flopped down onto the couch right next to me with a heavy sigh. I wouldn't have set down my book, except I recognized that sigh. It was my boyfriend, Steve Rogers, sounding more exhausted than he usually ever let people see.

I bookmarked my page and set my book aside, then turned to Steve. He had bags under his eyes and looked like he was about to pass out, right where he was. Usually, he was a pretty upbeat person, but clearly something was weighing on him today.

"Hey babe," I said, shifting on the couch so I was facing Steve. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. It's just... the job's wearing on me a little more than usual."

"What do you mean?" I asked, shuffling a little closer and putting a hand on his arm. Steve didn't look at me, just kept staring holes in the ground.

"I've been running around putting out fires and getting the shit kicked out of me for days. I don't think I've slept more than a few twenty-minute naps in... four days?"

"Oh my gosh, Steve!" I cried, wrapping one arm around him and pulling him into me. His head landed on my chest, and slowly, he leaned the rest of his weight against me.

"I'm just so tired," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. I pursed my lips, but didn't say anything. I hated seeing him like this, and I hated what this job did to him sometimes. But at the end of the day, he loved it. Nothing would ever convince him to give it up.

I pulled Steve a little closer as I gently stroked his hair. I could feel him focusing on taking deep breaths and staying calm, so I slowly leaned back until we were reclined on the couch, Steve on top of me with his head on my chest.

"I'm so sorry you've had such a bad stretch of days," I mumbled, wrapping myself around him tightly. He just hummed in response. I kept running my hands through his hair, trying to help him relax and make him feel safe despite everything he'd gone through.

After a few minutes, I felt the tension fade out of Steve's body. His breathing evened out, and I quickly realized he'd fallen asleep.

I smiled to myself. About damn time he got some rest.

We stayed like that for a long time, and I'd just started to drift off myself when I heard footsteps and loud voices coming up from the training room. I turned to glare at the doorway whoever it was would have to come through, trying to move as little as possible so I didn't disturb Steve.

After a few seconds, Tony and Bruce appeared, chatting away about some science project or other they were working on. They stopped short when they saw me, and Tony opened his mouth (probably to ask why I was glaring), but he stopped short when I put my finger to my mouth in an aggressive shushing gesture.

They both gave me questioning looks, so I pointed sharply at Steve, who by some miracle was still passed out on top of me. He must've really been exhausted to sleep through the noise and activity no matter how hard I'd been trying to limit it.

Bruce and Tony tiptoed over until they got close enough to see Steve. Bruce nodded and clearly understood why he needed to be quiet. Tony got an evil gleam in his eye.

"Hey!" I hissed, smacking him in the arm to get him to look at me. Our eyes locked, and I slowly shook my head, giving him a stare that promised death and pain if he acted on whatever idea was clearly bouncing around in his head.

I could literally see the gears turning in Stark's head as he weighed his options. Bruce put a hand on his shoulder and nodded towards the lab, giving Tony another activity to do other than messing with my boyfriend, which I appreciated. Still, it took Tony a minute to consider. And I didn't let up with my stare once during that minute.

Fortunately for Steve, although I wasn't as involved in the superhero business as I used to be, I'd proven time and time again that I could hang with the assassins in our group skill-wise, which made me a dangerous enemy if someone in the Tower chose to piss me off.

After a little bit more considering, Tony seemed to remember this, and my history in the training room and on the battlefield won out. He rolled his eyes and huffed, but turned and headed for the lab instead of waking up Steve. Bruce smiled, giving me a wave as he headed off with Tony. I waved back and watched the two men disappear, then went back to gently stroking Steve's hair.

Absolutely nobody was going to get in the way of him getting some much needed rest if I had anything to say about it. The two of us were too comfortable, and cuddling on the couch was too rare to shorten it any more than we absolutely had to.

Maybe one day, when the younger generation of superheroes were ready to take over, Steve and I could relax and retire and do this more often. But for now, I was going to take every moment I could get.

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rpmemes-galore · 2 years

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guests at a party ... sentence starters

change wording / pronouns as needed

“This is my costume.”

“Do you want to dance?”

“Are you friends with the host?”

“They just brought out the snacks!”

“I forgot the gift at home, I’m sorry.”

“Did you get a glass of champagne?”

“Has anybody seen the birthday boy?”

“This is supposed to be a closed event.”

“You hiding out here from the noise, too?”

“Someone stole all the finger sandwiches...”

“I’m pretty sure someone spiked the punch.”

“Did you try the snacks? They’re pretty good.”

“Why isn’t anyone dancing? What happened?”

“Why do they even make sandwiches this small?”

“Don’t bother with the drinks, they’re all pretty bad.”

“I don’t want to be rude, but this is kind of... boring.”

“I don’t think we’ve met. Were you on the guest list?”

“I’d ask if you want to dance, but I have two left feet.”

“I... wasn’t aware we were expected to bring anything.”

“Don’t say a word... I thought this was a costume party.”

“I feel like the vibe in here really shifted. What did I miss?”

“This is way fancier than I’m used to. I feel underdressed.”

“The music’s way too loud in there, I can’t hear myself think.”

“Hey, would you like to, maybe... meet up, after this is over?”

“I don’t normally come out to parties. This is kinda new for me.”

“It’s getting late... maybe we should think about heading home.”

“A nametag isn’t a full costume. You should’ve put more effort in.”

“Too many people in there... it’s a lot nicer, and quieter, out here.”

“There’s too many balloons, I’m been tripping over them all night.”

“To be honest, I don’t even know anyone here. I just wanted to party.”

“Okay, we might need to keep it down. We just got a noise complaint.”

“Someone’s passed out on the couch, so I think that’s my cue to leave.”

“Yeah, an argument just broke out and it’s really bringing down the mood.”

“You look really nice tonight. I don’t think I’ve seen you dressed up before.”

“This is lovely. Whoever did the decorating really knew what they were doing.”

#rp meme #misc #mine #sentence starters

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ru1-png · 2 years

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It's okay, I got you. I won't let you go. (comfort fic)

. . . Content Desc ! (ノ・ω・)ノ

i am finally back once again after a month. . . ⤿ ;; Mayoi Ayase x Reader ୧ .˚ₓ this is a . . . sad fluff // (technically angst but.. good relationship) -> TW : overall bad mental state, mentions of su!cidal thoughts. i've had this idea for a fic like this for some time technically to help me out at one point. but, now ive finally decided to actually work on it so this hopefully helps you just as it helped me. ILY <3 you're so pretty/handsome and keep on slaying !!! ^^ word count : 2099 [[ another long one.. sorry ! ]]

, , i kinda felt like changing up my formatting a bit for stuff so. . . hope it looks nice ! `` for once im not going to really write a setting up the scene, i just wanna get into things, seeing as theres not much setup i can really think of . . . ENJOY (ꈍᴗꈍ)

Staring at the ceiling for hours has become a norm for you as of late. Eyes heavy and tired, bloodshot red from having given into your feelings and bursting into tears once again. Your head can only simply register one thing, a single thought, "Why am I so tired?" But you know why you're tired, you know why you're here. But that's the last thing you want to think about. Maybe if you were to isolate your thoughts so much, it wouldn't seep out onto others, you wouldn't infect them with your incredible burnout and awful mental state. Maybe, if... you just weren't here anymore, you wouldn't have to let anybody down?

It's felt as if almost everything around you is slowly crashing down, the fact that it's all happened so slowly only makes it even worse. Like a "fuck you" that never goes away. Almost as if your new constant stresses and worries don't take up all the time in your day. Eating and sleeping have never felt like such a task, even as little as you've partaken in such tasks over these 2 weeks. "If I'm always hurting someone else or making their day worse, then why shouldn't mine be worse?" Nothing but self destructive thoughts, clawing and chipping away at the usual outspoken vivacious person that is yourself. Counting the hours that pass or occasionally opening your phone just to stare at your lock screen being the only thing keeping you from floating away in that awful fucked up brain of yours.

You feel truly utterly useless, everything you have done or tried to do has lost all its worth. The frowns of other people begin to feel like knives penetrating through you, twisting and mixing your insides, almost making you feel sick. You feel so embarrassed that your only thoughts can be "Why am I here?" or "What's stopping me." Why can't you just be normal? Why can't you just feel happy? You don't like isolating yourself, but you can't bother to leave your room even though it has been days.

As you continue laying there, every blink you make feeling tenfold of what it truly is, you are jolted back to your senses as you hear a soft knock coming from your door. Unable to really ignore it, seeing as you can't really lie about not being home, your car is outside. You return the knock, trying to hide how tired you are, "What happened?" The door then opens a small bit, only being the slightest bit ajar, just barely enough for a head to stick out from it. And that is just what happened, suddenly you see at first small bits of messy plum-purple hair stick in through the small crevice made. Then, you begin to see it, the face of the oh so lovely yet oh so timid Mayoi. At that very moment, it then suddenly hit you... "You've probably had your boyfriend worried sick this whole time." Mayoi had always been the type to show the highest bit of concern for you, no matter what was going on. But, he would never want to invade your privacy, if he think you needed your own space, he'd give just that. Even so, he'd always be right there by your side no matter what, through thick and thin Mayoi was there even if you two haven't decided to move in with each other yet. He would often have his moments where his overwhelming stresses and anxieties get the better of him and he can't help but break into a panic, being able to comfort him and help him through that would send your heart to the moon.

Mayoi's whole head suddenly peeks through the door, you hear a slight rustle coming from what seems to be something in his hand which is obstructed by the doors view. His striking cyan eyes always catch you off guard. It's always as if they are staring into the deepest part of your body, just studying you. With a concerned frown on his face, he can't help but see how tired you look, and seeing your face slightly red from the previous crying you had done only makes him more worried. Finally, Mayoi musters up the courage to say something.

"Y/n.. I'm really worried about you. Y-you haven't come out of your room in a few days, I'm so sorry for being a bother but, d-do you need me to stay for a few days?" Mayoi sounds like he might even shed a tear himself, you are simply shooken to your core seeing his face, the true worry, sadness, confusion. You don't want to leave Mayoi like that, but no matter what it just feels like you can't get your shit together. Feeling such guilt and doing nothing more than blaming yourself for Mayoi's concern, you ask him to come into your room.

He becomes a bit flustered at the request, "Are you sure I should come in? I don't want to invade your space."

"How could such a considerate person deserve me.." you'd think to yourself and you fight the urge to frown even more noticeably. "It's just fine Mayoi, you're welcome into my room at any time, please don't feel worried to step in." You give him the most comforting smile your face can possibly contort into. The plum haired boy begins moving around the scattered clothes and small bits of garbage flooding the ground, trying his very best not to step on anything. Along with the more steps into your room he took, the rustling noise from before had been revealed to you to have been indeed a bag that was hanging from his wrist.

Every second he inches closer to your bed, you can feel your body tensing up, your heart rate only raising. "He shouldn't have to go through all this trouble for me, why do I cause him all this trouble? I should be a normal, loving, happy partner, yet here I am. Doing nothing but causing him trouble. Why do I keep on making mistakes, I'm only hurting him, why would he even stay with me if I'm that much of a bother, why am I even here anymore?!" You can't help but panic, why must you torment yourself like this any time someone dares to care about you, any time someone would even try to open their heart to a vile awful person like you.

Suddenly, as Mayoi reaches your bed, you have lost all track of your thoughts, how far you have sent yourself in terms of blind panic. Because, low and behold, you are already in tears, sitting there right in front of Mayoi. You are only made aware of this once you feel one of the crystal drops run down your cheek, almost tickling it. Mayoi jumps a bit, not expecting this sudden reaction.

"Y-Y/n?! D-did I do something wrong, are you alright?! Please don't cry.... I'm sorry, I'M SORRY!" A billion thoughts rush into Mayoi's head slightly sending him into a panic aswell. You can't help but blame yourself as always for this situation. But, you do the only thing that you think you can do right now, you just... hug him, you latch your arms around Mayoi and you don't let go. Almost having him in a death grip, you can do nothing more than try to let yourself feel the warm embrace and try to calm your boyfriend down. You let out sudden sporadic sobs, not being able to contain all these bottled up feelings, Mayoi suddenly shakes each time you let one of the sobs out.

After choking on your words more than enough, you are finally able to get a few words out. "Mayoi... I'm-" you take a deep breath trying to stop another sob from coming out, "I'm so sorry.." but you couldn't stop it, more tears came out. "I do nothing but hurt you, I do nothing but cause you pain, I keep on bringing you down with my problems. I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you, I don't want to be constantly worrying you, but somehow I can always fuck up and do just that. I keep on fucking up for everyone, no matter how hard I try. I'm just... so tired, I'm tired and I can't do this anymore. It's all so hard, I'm just a waste of space that's been nothing but a useless burden to everyone." You take one last shaky breath, more tears coming, "I'm sorry....". You can no longer comprehend any basic words to use to express how you feel, absolutely out of any energy to say anything more. You just dig your head into Mayoi's shoulder, and once again hug him.

It takes a while for anything else to happen, but that's fine with you, just being in Mayoi's arms gives you a sense of comfort, but an unimaginable sense of pain. His hand begins to reach for your hair, as he shakily strokes it, just like a parent would with their child trying to lull them to sleep.

"Y/n... you haven't done a single thing wrong. I'm so sorry these feelings have been bothering you so much. Please tell me... y/n" He hesitates, slowing down the gentle strokes in your h/c hair, "Are y-you okay y/n? I'm really sorry for asking but, I can't see you so sad like this. I'm in no place to assume how you feel, so please, if you have anything going on, you can tell me."

Knowing Mayoi would be willing to give that kind of space to open up about how you feel, you decide to finally let it out. Though the embarrassment won't go away, though all the bad thoughts feel so loud, you can't keep this from him anymore. It's not worth keeping it all in anymore, not when Mayoi is so concerned about you. You suddenly begin to let everything out, talking about your struggles, your constant concerns, and well.. the thoughts you've had. Being as brutally honest as you can is all you can do, but you make sure to remind Mayoi that none of this is his fault and in no ways are you upset at him. The last thing you would want is to have him panicking which would only make things worse. The fact that he is even here listening to you, and so intently as he is already enough of a shocker.

"That's... about all, I'm so sorry about the mess aswell, I'm just.. a mess right now." You sigh as you look downward with a look of shame and embarrassment that you'd let things get this low. It takes Mayoi a bit of time to find the right words to say, a process which normally would take him a fair amount of time. Once finding out what he wants to say and how to say it, he gently holds your hand, looking into your e/c eyes with the same look you always get as you stare into his eyes.

"Y/n, you've never been anything of a bother, I should have checked on you more. Never would I believe you deserve any of this..." He pauses. Getting lost in your gaze, which shakes him up a bit, he regains his grounds, "I-i want to help you in any ways that I can... I love you, and I will be here for you. Though I am nowhere close to anything above average, I want to love and care for you in whatever ways I can. Everything is going to be okay y/n, I got you. I won't let you go."

The last sentence he let out shook you to your core, and you could feel yourself tearing up again. You then fall right into him, but not suddenly enough to catch him off guard, and you just lay there. Never has an embrace felt so... comforting, so loving, so reassuring. But, Mayoi has proved a hug like that can exist and that yes... everything might end up really being okay. After some time, you sit back up. Mayoi looks to his left where he had placed the bag he had in hand down during the breakdown, and he passes you the bag.

"I'm s-sorry if you aren't hungry, but just in case you are, I got you your favorite." He slightly blushes as you open the bag to find a large assortment of foods and snacks you like; you can't help but smile and look at him.

"Thank you Mayoi... thank you, I love you"

#enstars #ensemble stars #comfort #comfort fic #mayoi ayase #ayase mayoi #enstars x y/n #enstars x reader #ensemble stars x reader #ensemble stars x y/n #ilysm

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planett2000 · 1 year

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Simon says - TR

Character: Ran Haitani. F!Reader. Rindou Haitani mentioned. Age of majority. Content: Suggestive, nudity mentioned. A/N: Hi! English is not my mother language so i try my best in this. I’m sure there would be some gramatical mistakes, sorry for that. Minor dni.

Simon says - Part I.

It’s you first love, the first partner you have ever had, the first -and for the moment the only- person that take every little part of you to the moon. In fact there is no place on the earth that can make you feel so good like being between his arms. And for that simple feeling, you already knew that you were fucked up, fell really fast for him, almost inmediately.

But to be fair, how would you have stopped that intense sentiment provoked by a player like him? You would not, so the only thing that you could do was accepted it and enjoy the limited time he always give to his currented partner, which this time are you.

It’s kinda sad, you cannot denied it, knew the end of the story before happen. Nevertheless, deeply inside, you desire what will be your own destruction and dont care at all. This is about the experience that you never had and now you can receive from him. Its a win-win situation, despite how depressing and pathetic sounds.

It’s 3 a.m by now and at that moment it seems the only purpose of your brain it is not leave you alone for a while until your -heavys and paintful- thoughts tourture enought.

You wish he could distract you but he’s in the seventh cloud so it would be difficult to wake him up. Althought you was upset, you stayed in your spot. How much time is gonna take him to do something with you? There’s been weeks since you are together and this is the most indecorous thing he has done with you. Sleep together is not bad, it’s just you want a little bit more than that. Like for example a kiss in another part of your body apart from your lips, maybe a touch between your thighs or even a few nasty words.

You has to bite your bottom lip when you start to compare him with his little brother, didn’t meant to but the one who has giving you more dirty looks than your own boyfriend, make you reconsidered your situation.

“[Y/N]… Please, stop looking at me while i’m sleeping.” In middle of the night his relaxing but raspy voice a raise to break the noiseless room. As soon as possible you try to close your eyes even so it was too late, he caught you gazing him secretly and from that it wasn’t return.

Now is his turn to focus his gaze over you meanwhile turns his body to the left side of the bed exactly where you are. Ran doesnt waste his precious time in silly games like this for anybody, not even for Rindou, so you are not going to be the exception today.

“Your acting skills really sucks” With a little smirk in his face, the man in front of you place one of his free hands over your blushing cheek, only to stroke you with his thumb with out any kind of shame for his own act. “C'mom, baby, eyes on me, remember?”

Take you a couple seconds to made a choice of what you should do, finally you decided to obey him, opened your eyes to stare at him as the way he want it.

“I’m sorry.” You muttering in a really ashamed tone, make a big effort to keep gazing him just as the determination in his eyes. Goosebumps all over your body. “I didn’t meant to bother you. I just don’t know why i did that.”it’s surprising how faster and credible you sound when your answer slip from your mouth to the young man.

In your most wildest dreams you’re going to tell him why, since you can imagine how his reaction will be if you confess you’re struggle with inappropiated thoughts.

“I swear i’m not a creepy.”

That last statement stole a huge laught from the boy next to you.

“Hmm… Yeah, i’m not sure about that.”

Now you have Ran looking at you in a different light, in an amused curiosity to be exactly. He has to wonder to himself what type of girl he pick this time? You are a spectaculary case, with you things has never been more easy and that fact make him feel a little bit strange around you, like if you were already prepared for everything he gets in mind.

He approached his lips to yours and capture them in a hunger kiss. Your taste was magnificent he had to admit it but for that same cause he need to be carefull, you are somebody easy to get addicted to. Ran impulse his body to above you and increase more intensity to the overwhelming kiss. Every single touch of his force you to lose the little selfcontrol you have, being with him it was warm like hell, you never get enought. When his finger tips pose it over your waist, you feel how the rhythm of your heart was getting loose, you want him so bad, you need him, and the intimidate idea of loosing this obligate you to hurry up and take some action.

At the time when you separate from your lover, the gaze he give you almost steal a laught from you, put both hand on the top of your t-shirt and take it off, the bright in his eyes was something to remind. You take a deep breath before encourage you finger to unhook your bra and free your breasts. The curvies of his lips raise in a second, you had never seen a unbelieving smile like that on him. He like it so much seeing you in that position, at first very sure of what you were doing, no doubt, but then you lost it, you think for a second how silly you look like and he love it even more. See you trying to cover your chest with your arms in front of him was cute. For his eyes you still were ignorant in that area, he has so many thing to teach you.

“Oh darling, don’t dare to cover you now, you look georgeous.”

If the intention of the compliment was calm you down, well, didn’t work out at all. Every part of your face, your ears even your neck was blushed, thankfully it was too dark for him to notice it. You wish you could have some power to make the shame just dissapear, the only thing you was able to do was close your eyes and try to find a safety place in your mind where you could at least try to relax.

Ran wait a few minutes to over again put his hands on you, this time in an slow motion and in a delicate way, he came close enought to cuddle you as you deserve. He didn’t have to say nothing, his body temperature was doing great, in middle of the silent, the warm and comfort of his figure was doing all the work.

Aboved all Ran was satisfeid, apparently he didnt need to go acording to the plan he made up. When someone like you wake up his interesting, doesnt matter how long, he would take the whole universe time with you. Now your back was behind his chest, one arm around your waist and the other over your breast, with his hand embrace one of them while his lips travel over the soft skin of your neck.

“it’s okay, we still have time.”

You were faster than others girls and he already like that, so probably the next time he would give you what you has been begging for.

#tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev x y/n #tokyo rev x you #ran haitani x you #ran haitani scenarios #ran haitani x reader #ran haitani #ran haitani hcs #rindou haitani #haitani brothers #tokyo revengers imagine #ran haitani imagines #tr x reader

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eternitysoup · 3 months

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Sometimes, I find myself worrying about my current relationships. Lately, it has been bothering me that it feels like people don't put much effort into the relationships I have with them. Apart from my twin sister, my family is one of those families that only texts on major holidays or birthdays, if even that. So, there aren't many connections happening there.

My two best friends are as socially awkward as I am, and they have good and bad days. My girl bestie barely talks to me anymore. I know she's going through a lot, so I want to give her space, but I do miss her. Sometimes, it bothers me when I see her chatting with someone else in the Discord channel and they haven't replied to me at all.

My guy bestie is super busy with his work and family life, so I completely understand that. However, when my PC died and I started gaming on the Switch, he said he'd join me but never did. My sister also said she'd join too. I know they have jobs, but it's been over a week, and they haven't made any effort to game with me. I let my Nintendo Switch Online pass expire for now. I can renew it when they finally join.

These small things, like people not replying or not making time for me, do get to me sometimes, even though I try to be understanding.

I'm also approaching a milestone birthday this year, and I've come to realize that I honestly don't think anybody in my group is going to do anything to celebrate it. While I'm sure they would celebrate if I specifically asked for something like a "game night" or "movie night," I also feel a bit sad at the idea of putting together my own birthday celebration.

Sometimes, I wonder if that's just what getting older is like. Instead of being celebrated without asking, like when I was a kid or a teenager, as an adult or young adult, maybe you just have to celebrate yourself.

#journal #my blog #blog #life #sorry for being depressing #tw depressing stuff #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #my journal #my stuff #my post #my

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thebibliomancer · 6 months

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #304: "... Yearning to Breathe Free!"

June, 1989

Vs. the U-Foes! Special guest appearance by the pouncing PUMA!

Look at the roster box trying to pretend Reed and Sue are still around. You can't fool me.

And, hey, the U-Foes! They're a quirky miniboss squad that hasn't fought the Avengers so far, at least not in the Avengers book. Which feels weird!

The Avengers should fight all the quirky miniboss squads. They're practically made to fight all the quirky miniboss squads.

Well, now they get to fight this one.

And Puma is a guy. I don't really know the guy. He's a mid-80s Spider-Man book guy.

Also also, this is very clearly a fill-in issue. I mean, so was the Super-Nova arc. But that had the goal of writing Reed and Sue out of the Avengers, which it couldn't even manage.

This one seems to be more in the style of one and done, spin the wheels until John Byrne takes over.

... That's happening a lot lately.

Last times in Avengers: long story short, the team broke apart but a new team formed during the X-Event Inferno. And then after fighting a big guy from space, 2/5ths of the new team fucked off.

This is a fill-in, you don't gotta know a lot.

Huh. The opening splash waxes poetic about Ellis Island and the title is a line from the New Colossus poem that was written for the Statue of Liberty.

Will this be a Very Special Episode about immigration? I'm sorta not confident in this era of Avengers to do a Very Special Episode.

Least surprisingly of all, the terrific trio of Avengers are at Ellis Island because it's being renovated and a Department of the Interior pal got Captain America permission for a special preview visit.

Steve Rogers is, of course, a huge fan of Ellis Island and immigration and just all the good America stuff. He loves America so much.

And being a huge nerd, he invited Thor and Gilgamesh along as a kind of casual relaxing activity after all that Super-Nova biz.

Thor: "I, myself, Steve, am an immigrant of sorts -- from eternal Asgard. I share much in spirit with those who passed through here."

Dammit, Thor. I don't think your situation is really the same since you retain whatever counts as citizenship in Asgard and freely go back and forth whenever you want to live in a giant castle.

Also, you have a fake identity set up by the American intelligence community which most immigrants don't get.

Gilgamesh calls Ellis Island meager compared to the cool architecture that the Eternals are used to. But adds "there is an aura of greatness all about" which may or may not have just been to cushion the insult.

While the heroes in civilian duds wander around and look at construction, they overhear one of the workmen muttering anti-immigrant sentiments to himself.

Charles Little Sky: "'Noble immigrants.' Hah! Nobody wants to admit the real truth."

Oh, no, we are in for a Very Special Episode.

Captain America being Captain America even when he's being Steve Rogers, decides this is an invitation to a conversation and asks the guy to elaborate on his thoughts.

Charles Little Sky: "Yeah, I've got a beef, mister, why shouldn't I? I'm an American Indian!" Thor, in glasses: "And...?" Charles Little Sky: "And my people were here long before anybody. These 'immigrants' who came through here were just another group to come and take my people's land... Just like foreigners, starting with the Mayflower, have always done! This place should be called the Museum of Theft!" Captain Steve: "I understand your bitterness, son. Injustice was done to your people. But those who came through here certainly weren't to blame. They were just looking for a refuge from poverty and oppression themselves."

Captain America makes bold stand: pilgrims bad, immigrants good.

I hope the Avengers don't just bother this dude all day.

Thor, in glasses, asks why Charles works here if he hates it so much but, c'mon, everybody needs to eat and not everyone has a palace in a magical sky realm or gets paid $1000 smackeroos a week by Tony Stark.

Charles also mentions that he can't afford to be choosy about jobs that don't ask a lot of questions. Then realizes he's oversharing with strangers and just teal deers it as he needs the job and he's gone once he has enough money saved up.

Then he spots HIM! He's been found by HIM!

And runs off, to the Avengers' confusion.

Then a sharp-dressed man in a bolo tie tells them its none of their business, stay out of it, and yells for Charles to stop running away because he means him no harm.

Then the man transforms into some kind of furry and chases after Charles.

Pretty much guaranteeing the Avengers are going to get involved after all. Because a dude turned into a furry right there in Ellis Island and chased after a terrified young adult.

Also, the dude is Thomas Fireheart, aka Puma.

But do the Avengers know that?

Yes. And they don't know if Puma is a hero or a threat or a menace. So definitely decide to get involved.

Thor slams his hammer to put on his working duds while Cap duck behind something to change his clothes.

He shouts at Puma to hey maybe explain what he's up to. And since Puma ignores him, Thor throws his mighty hammer. And when Thor throws his mighty hammer, its because he's done with the yammer. Or something.

Since Thor wasn't throwing at 'turn Puma into salsa' force, the cat man is able to jump over the hammer and yell that Thor better not delay him!

That's not an explaining himself though so Captain America throws his mighty shield. But instead of yield, Puma catches the shield and throws it back.

What a jerk!

Gilgamesh, who I guess hasn't decided whether he's going to get involved or not because he's just standing around, jumps in front of the shield so nobody else less tough gets hit by it. And Cap catches it when it bounces off Gilgamesh's gilgapecs.

With this exchange of violence exchanged, Cap asks Puma again to explain things.

Since Thor and Captain America are standing in his way, he actually does.

Puma: "The youth and I are both of the same tribe. He possesses great power -- power that could unleash itself at any time! My uncle -- our tribal shaman -- realized this. He sent me to retrieve Charles, so that he could be trained in the power's use... for his own -- and for the world's -- good."

See, was that so hard?

The two Avengers happened to catch Puma right when he was like five feet from catching Charles Little Sky because the young adult is just right there. In the scene.

He insists that he doesn't have powers, that the elders are just making shit up to prevent him from leaving the tribe.

And sure, he has headaches sometimes and they make him act weird sometimes but that doesn't mean he has powers!

Thor and Cap pause to ponder this. Charles Little Sky is clearly hiding something. And Puma is a dubious source because while he very heroically fought the Beyonder once, he's also a mercenary who has worked for some shady customers.

But while Thor and Cap ponder what to do, Puma makes the decision, in his mind a tough decision but for the greater good, to escalate the conflict and endanger by-standers. Rather than risk the Avengers deciding against him.

So he rushes off (while Thor and Cap just watch) and topples one of the tall scaffolding towards a crowd.

Sure that the Avengers will jump to deal with that and backburner him. Which they do. Good job saving lives, the heroes!

Thor wind-blasts the scaffolding toward Gilgamesh, who catches it. Cap ushers civilians towards the exit.

Leaving Puma free to pounce on Charles Little Sky.

Puma again states that he's just here to be a helpful helper man but Charles says crock to that. He tries to punch Puma but only hurts his own hand.

Apparently, breaking a knuckle punching a cat man is one of the triggers for Charles' great world-threatening power.

Light and kirby crackle burst out of Charles and he feels as if he's being torn apart.

Then, he's blasted back as a rift in space opens.

And out of the rift in space-time strolls the U-Foes!

Not a surprise, since they were on the cover, but hey! The plot is here!

Real quick: The U-Foes. They're like an evil Fantastic Four. In that there's four of them and they got their powers from cosmic rays. By explicitly copying the Fantastic Four's space trip. Two of them are even siblings. Do these guys fight the FF a lot because they're a better evil opposites than the Frightful Four.

Vector: the one with all the lines and suns on his design. He has telekinesis, which often manifests as repulsing lasers.

Vapor: she's a gas lady, made of gas. She can turn into any kind of gas.

X-Ray: he's pink and looks like a really weird bunch of perspective lines. A guy made out of energy. Can blast various kinds of heavy radiation.

Ironclad: big tough guy made of mineral. He's a pretty blatant the Thing or a Colossus but he can increase or decrease his weight so he's at least got that going on.

So, why did the U-Foes pop out of a portal?

Why, the power of retcons and a shared universe!

Sometimes, a book writes out a character. Has them die or depowers them or just puts them in a situation where they're not available.

And then another book will go "and here's how they got out of that one."

It can be interesting to trace a character through various books, trying to figure out what the hell has been going on with them.

In the U-Foes' case, the Hulk trapped them in different dimensions that counteracted their powers. And possibly killed them.

But they all survived and managed to assemble in the dimensional crossroads to luckily get brought back to Earth by one random portal.

Nothing like a classic contrived comic coincidence.

Anyway, having just gotten back from tailor-made space exile/death, Vector is quite enraged when the Avengers propose to just capture the U-Foes and send them to jail, for being dicks.

Vector blasts Thor, Gilgamesh (still just in his civvies) Captain America, Puma, and Charles Little Sky outside through a window.

Puma is worried because he heard from TV news that the U-Foes were powerful enough to knock around the Hulk. They might kill the Avengers and any civilian in their way!

Buuuuut... he is only here for Charles Little Sky. Opening a random portal that random supervillains fell out of proved to Puma that portal kid is the biggest threat.

Maybe he should just let the U-Foes kill the Avengers!

Is his thought process.

Dammit, Puma.

Anyway, Thor tells the U-Foes that they brought the inevitable beat-down on themselves by blasting him through a window.

So X-Ray blasts Thor. Ironclad slugs Gilgamesh, figuring that if he's hanging out with the Avengers, he's probably one. And Vector blasts Captain America.

Puma goes wow sucks for them that they're getting their asses kicked but at least now nobody will get in my way.

Except Vector and Vapor notice him running away and decide, nah.

The U-Foes have deduced that Charles Little Sky could portal them back to the dimensional crossroads so they need to do something about him. And that means getting him before Puma can.

Vapor turns into carbon monoxide and gives Puma carbon monoxide poisoning.

Vector tells Vapor to turn to chlorine gas and just murderify Charles Little Sky.

Puma belatedly realizes that the better idea would have been to team up with the Avengers to beat the U-Foes. Womp womp.

He decides he needs to buy time for the Avengers to recover from their asses getting beat by getting his own ass beat for a while.

Puma tries to jump between Charles and Vapor.

... But she's gas. How does that work? I mean, it doesn't, in this case. But that's because Ironclad shows up and starts trying to bear-hug him to death.

Then Ironclad get's KLONG! by Mjolnir slightly before Puma gets crushed to death.

It's Thor! Turns out one blast of radiation isn't enough to put him down, obviously.

And he whirls Mjolnir really fast to blow Vapor away from the unconscious Charles Little Sky.

Charles regains consciousness to see X-Ray try to french fry him, only to be stopped by Captain America tackling him.

Even through (or around?) Captain America's mighty shield, he can feel the burn from the radiation X-Ray is putting off.

Vector decides he'll kill the kid himself but Puma jump kicks him towards Thor who clobbers him.

Charles is so freaked out by all of this that his powers start going off again, opening portals to random dimensions, some filled with aaaaaah, real monsters!

Gilgamesh deduces from earlier that Charles' powers don't work if he's unconscious so he eye beams Charles Little Sky unconscious.

Cool contribution, Gilgamesh.

Wait, you have eye beams?

Ironclad tries to throw a Big Rock on the again unconscious Charles Little Sky but Gilgamesh uses his eye beams again to blow up the Big Rock.

Ironclad decides fuck this actually and runs away off-panel.

Vector and X-Ray try to double-team Thor and they have him stalemated by blasting him full power. He can't advance but he's not retreating either.

But in secret, Thor is just face-tanking Vector's telekinesis blasts and using Mjolnir to absorb X-Ray's radiation. Not just the radiation X-Ray is blasting but all the radiation in his body. And when X-Ray passes out from too drained, Thor blasts the radiation at Vector who also falls down.

Possibly with turbo cancer now.

Puma's puma senses detect an invisible lethal gas floating towards Charles so Thor blasts the spot with lightning until Vapor passes out.

Ironclad is still running away

So Captain America trips him with his mighty shield and Gilgamesh decks him in the face BWOM!

With the U-Foes kicked firmly in the butt, Puma rerails the plot to him definitely taking Charles Little Sky back to the tribe.

Captain America says that Charles might be a mutant and there's just a bunch of mutant teams that could train him to control his powers. The tribe isn't the only place he could learn control.

Rather than drag him back against his will, Charles should be given the choice where he will go.

Puma: "And if he chooses no training? If he chooses to continue on the run? It is a danger to the world I cannot allow. Nor can I risk strangers training him incorrectly. Allow me to take him... or I will fight you to the death."

Gilgamesh points out that the death would be Puma's death. There's two god-tier dudes here. And Thor says that Charles will decide for himself.

Charles wakes up and he decides for himself to flee.

Puma tries to leap at Charles but Captain America tackles him.

Thor instead jumps in front of Charles to cut him off but Charles shouts that he's not anyone's property and he wants to be free.

IN A RANDOM DIMENSION IF HE CAN'T BE FREE ON EARTH.

Yeah, he fucks off through a portal.

Despite being a character created for a fill-in story, Charles Little Sky has a small pile of appearances.

Danny Fingeroth brings him back for a bunch of Darkhawk issues but he gets roles beyond that.

Puma: "Thor -- you fool! You've let a being of untold power get away! He could be anywhere now, hurting or being hurt, frightened, alone. Most probably, though, he'll soon be dead!"

Thor points a finger right back. Saying this all happened because Puma decided he was in far too much a rush to explain the situation to the random superhero bystanders.

That relentlessly chasing the kid is obviously what triggered his portal powers going off and letting the U-Foes come through and cause trouble.

Puma retorts that, hey, hindsight is 20-20 but he still thinks he did zero things wrong and that it's all the Avengers' fault.

Captain America says they only have Puma's word that his intentions were good and Puma has a really mixed reputation so it's really hard to take him at his word.

Thor suggests they beat up Puma and Puma fucks off through the broken window, yelling they'll have to catch him first.

Except, the Avengers don't even bother.

There's no charges against him and he eventually helped them against the supervillains.

Left behind to deal with sending the U-Foes to super jail, the Vault, Captain America muses how Charles Little Sky "who was so bitter about immigrants... ended up being, himself, an immigrant in a new dimension. And he entered it through Ellis Island."

That's really deep, Cap. Really makes you think, probably.

Thus ends a Very Special Episode of the Avengers.

Follow @essential-avengers because next East Coast Avengers issue, its Byrne time. Like, reblog, comment, maybe.

#essential avengers #avengers #U Foes #charles little sky #Puma #Captain America #Thor #Gilgamesh #a three person team? that's sad #very fill in issue

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sttoru · 6 months

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Hi. ✌️ I'm writing this as I'm feeling very low, so I'm sorry if it doesn't really make sense, but I've been struggling with my body image lately. 😓😓

Tw: body image struggles, sadness, negativity, bullying, mentions of being underweight.

For some unknown reason, I've been feeling very unsatisfied with the way I look. I've been struggling to accept my face and body. I used to feel like this when I was like, twelve or something, and then it got better, but, sometimes, like now, I get hit by so many insecurities... 🥲

The beauty standard, for women, where I live is to be curvy (because people love having something to grab).

And I never cared about that until I started going to school and my classmates would talk behind my back about how I was way too thin, way too flat, way too boney, too underweight. About how nobody would ever want me. Saying that my skin was too ugly (because I have freckles and I'm always covered in bruises, my skin is very thin, so it's easy to be marked), that nobody would like to hold me because it would be like hugging a pile of hard uncomfortable bones and then they'd point out "imperfections" that I never even noticed - my stretch marks around my thighs, my asymmetrical nose, my uneven knees, my dimples, my big front teeth, etc.

Having your body trashed by others is so hurtful, even when it isn't directed to me. 😣 Why are these people judging other people on the way they look? In such a superficial way? They didn't choose to be born this way. They are just. There. Trying to live their lives naturally. Why does it bother people so much the way you look? And then they make you hate yourself too, because no one likes having their "flaws" and insecurities called out and made fun of. And the worst part of it: if someone else has the same "flaws" as you, you won't think it looks that bad on them. 😐

Growing up was hard, and I grew to, not love, but accept myself as me. Still, those words linger in the back of my mind. Those are the things I keep on thinking about before falling asleep, while shopping for clothes, while eating, while staring at the mirror. I hate that their words are affecting me until now. I hate feeling so miserable about how I look. Do you have any advice on how to love yourself? On how to heal better from years of receiving hate?

I hope you have a great day and I hope I'm not bothering you. 😅

hellloo! sorry for the late response, i was quite busy :< i’m also very sorry to hear that you feel like that and i surely hope that what i’m going to say helps you somehow. in any kind of way, hopefully.

if your struggles get unbearable, please contact nearby (mental) health care services or friends. remember that there’s always someone out there who care for you for who you are <

first of all, no one deserves to go through such a thing. it’s horrible — that people call others out on things they can barely have any influence on, like how someone looks. never ever should anybody comment on another ones’ looks. shouldn’t ever be considered okay.

unfortunately, nowadays it’s like its normal. i see it every day, people and especially women getting trashed by thousands of unwanted comments from both men and women about their body. being too fat, being too skinny, being too dark skinned, having stretch marks : it’s literally impossible to be a woman, like america ferrera said in the barbie movie (saying the latter assuming you are a woman or identify as one). people will always feel like criticising someone else’s body or face, no matter what you change or try.

there’s lots of reasons for that; some just like to project, others tend to focus too much on the beauty standards that are institutionalised into their brains due to all kinds of social media platforms. you also have some people who love to hate because they want to feel better about themselves; aka insecurities. if they see someone who they think is less attractive than them, they tend to instantly downgrade them to make themselves feel better. it sucks — really does. but that says a lot about them as a person (trash LOL).

so those people who said all of those horrible things to you when you were young, probably did it due to one of the reasons stated above. and let me tell you, all reasons stated above do NOT justify their harsh words. it’s childish and immature to say all those words to you — they’re immature and need therapy themselves to grow out of that mindset of needing to bring other people down.

thus i can promise you that the right (mature) people do NOT care about how you look. the healthy & healed people who learnt that harsh words can easily influence another’s mind for years on end, do not ever trash you for your looks or insecurities. EVER. nor do people who actually realise just how harmful beauty standards are to the average human.

it’s unfortunate that those weren’t the people who were around you during your childhood and i’m sorry for that.

i’m sure you’re just fine. i hope you meet people who love you for who you are, people who love you inside and out no matter what or how you look. there are people out there that i’m sure you’ll meet one day whom will help you heal those open wounds from your past.

but, you can’t just sit around and wait on those people to come heal you. at the end of the day, it’s your body, your life, your thoughts. it’s tough to heal alone — but that’s a good start. slowly starting to learn to love yourself again will bring you all the peace you need.

it’s not a quick journey, believe me. it’s gonna be tough, you are going to slip and fall, but remember that your future is in your hands. not in the validation or words of others: your future is yours and so is your life.

my advice on how to love yourself after all those draining years is to spend more time with yourself. i know it sounds harsh, but getting to know your mind and self can put yourself at complete ease. what can you do to improve your understanding of yourself?

- keep a journal. don’t have to write in it every day, but each time you want to vent — write in it. if you feel too lazy to write, let off your steam in your notes app. or too lazy to type? talk out loud to yourself or voice record it.

- reflect on your journal. think about your feelings — ask why? questions. search for the possible problems behind your feelings. dissect those problems and search for possible solutions.

example: you feel sad again, because of your remembrance of what others had said to you in the past -> accept the situation; understand why you feel the way you feel -> think of those people and realise and accept that they’re in the past and you’re living in the future (as impossible and harsh as that sounds)

your future is in your hands — your future is something that you can CHANGE. the past is unchanging, you can’t undo what they said. you can’t undo the experiences. once again, as harsh as that sounds. accepting and moving on is a life long process which starts with teaching yourself exactly that.

a fresh new start = a fresh new chapter in your life. in your future. your present.

- learn to live in the present. againnnn, sounds impossible, but it takes time to accept this. you cannot undo what has happened nor can you undo that it has influenced you. that’s why people HEAL: you heal from your wounds, you don’t undo them. why? because you can’t undo them. you get hurt and accept the pain and the fact you got hurt. then you can start the process of healing, which you can only do if you move forward.

try your best to not hang in the past and focus on the present and future which lays in your hands.

- whenever you think back to whom or what hurt you, consider the value of it for your personal growth. is it negative? think about it if needed, accept it, nod, shrug and ultimately leave it behind because it will not help you personally in the future; you have no need for that stuff that will only get in the way of your journey to love yourself.

think about it for as long as you need, but make sure the thoughts get left behind. if you do not accept and do not stop thinking about those negative things, they will stick for the rest of your life and only make it more unbearable. (i call it the TAM method: ‘think, accept, move on’)

i know it sounds impossible, but trust me, it works once you get used to it.

of course, it doesn’t always work. and it is not bad to sometimes be unable to, it’s a looooong progress and journey, but as long as you keep doing what i said above — it will eventually come to you naturally. (i hope.)

- self care days! or mental health days, they call it. take some days for yourself, where you do your favorite things and just try to relax the best you can. example; take a walk with some music on, draw, watch your comfort series etc. etc. to get your mood up!! do this weekly. i do it on fridays after school/work because that’s when i feel best. but its always up to you to choose when to do them (can just be whnever you need a break from life).

lastly, i recommend (if you are able to afford it) to see a therapist or psychologist. they can give you the necessary tools and advice to help with your problems properly. it can also help if you talk it out with someone.

i’m always here to listen more to you. always here to help. my dms are also open and i will try to respond asap. remember that beauty standards do not define you for who you are: everyone’s unique, special and beautiful in their own way.

i myself may not love myself or accept myself fully yet, but the more i realise why other people say or do hurtful things, the more i accept that life is always going to be that way. there are always going to be people who criticise you no matter what. it’s a harsh world we live in — a harsh industry with lots of people whom haven’t healed or have gotten out of their institutionalised toxic mindsets. mind you; some never do.

that’s why associating yourself with such individuals will only bring you down. learn to disassociate yourself from them and that includes anything they’ve said to you — leave them to rot away in their own unbearable and toxic thoughts. live your life. it’s yours and no one can change or lead it for you. not their words nor their actions can change your present and future; only if you choose to allow them to.

focusing on yourself and wanting to love yourself and grow as a person gives you autonomy and authority about your own life. take that path and remember that it takes time to heal & accept yourself <3

LOVE YOU!

#sttoru responds.#THIS GOT SUPER LONG BUT #let me know if this helps in any way even if its a crumb

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quickspinner · 1 year

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On Commenting

(Don’t worry I’m not here to berate anyone for failing to comment that is so not what this is about)

We were talking about comments in the disco this morning and then I got in the car and drove around doing my errands so now I have Thoughts and, especially given the fics I plan to rain down on Weddnesday, I am going to inflict them on you. I’m only speaking for me here and no one else.

And because I’m a Wordy Bitch (tm) and I haven’t bothered to write an organized point-by-point essay in years and I’m not about to start now, I’m going to put this part up front so you can skip the rest if you don’t vibe with it:

I want you to feel safe to come into my comments however you feel comfortable. Your comment doesn’t have to meet any minimum standard of eloquence or analysis or anything like that. As long as your comment engages with the fic in some way and doesn’t offer nothing but unsolicited criticism, it’s a good comment. That’s it. That’s the standard. And if commenting makes you feel bad, I don’t want you to do it! You have my permission not to comment. Go in peace my friend. Don’t make yourself miserable over something that is supposed to be fun.

I love comments. Love them. I don’t care if you’ve commented before or if you are reading the fic for the 30th time and have already left ten comments--or none! “I’m reading this for the 30th time and I just want to tell you how much I love it even though I’ve never said so before!”

Me: :D :D :D :D

Not me: omg 30 times and they’re only telling me now? I feel so used.

“Man, this person has commented on a lot of my fic lately.”

Me: Someone new! Hi new person! I am totally normal and not tempted to reply with to your comments with 50 other fics you should read! I’m so excited to see what you think!

Not me: omg seriously when will this person shut up

“I love this work but I’m afraid my comment won’t be good enough but if I don’t comment I’m killing fandom and the writers will stop and I’m the worst”

Me: OMG, sweetie it’s okay, you do what you can do, it’s not that deep. l will love any comment you make and if all you can stand to do is leave some emojis I will send you some heart emojis right back. I don’t want you to comment if it makes you feel bad, that’s the opposite of what I’m trying to do here!

Not me: You are the worst. You are the reason fandom is dying. I cannot believe people like you would treat me like some tiktok creator throwing things out there for a few paltry likes

Listen. I love comments. Almost all comments. I can’t in truth say all comments because to be honest it does suck a little bit when somebody comes in the comments to complain about the show without actually saying anything about my fic.

Good: “I love the way you did xyz, I wish the show had done things that way, that would have been so interesting”

Disappointing: “Omg can you believe the writers did that I’m so mad this show sucks and the creators are terrible people and I don’t know how anybody can think otherwise.” Me: “...my fic tho?”

But like. 99% of comments are great comments. I love it when somebody engages with the story and gives me paragraph by paragraph reactions and tells me what lines they liked most, those are all great. I love it when somebody leaves something that just boils down to “HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AWESOME” whether in text or emoji or keysmash. Comments from friends are amazing. Comments from longtime readers are amazing. Comments from people I’ve never heard of or anons? Amazing. There are a very few people who comment so consistently I actively look for their comments to come in and eagerly await them. Amazing.

But my favorite comments? “My day sucked/I’m goding through a hard time/I’m trying to keep my mind off a difficult thing and reading this made me really happy/gave me a smile when I needed it/is my comfort fic.”

Because those are the ones that made me feel like I did something really important. I impacted someone in a meaningful way.

Now, I will be honest, I am a super awkward person and I suck at taking compliments, so responding to comments is kind of erratic for me. I try to do it, but sometimes I just have to hide under my blankets and squeal in embarrassment for a while first. 😆 But just because I don’t answer doesn’t mean I don’t see and appreciate. Comments are amazing.

Okay, now I’m going to get a tiny bit preachy and overly optimistic. Again, I’m just speaking for me and my experiences, but this is the way I tend to look at things.

Here’s the other side of comments though and I mean this kind of as a word of caution for writes and artists as well as a reason why ‘if I don’t comment I’m contributing to the death of fandom’ is semi-bullshit--it is so easy to become jaded over time. First you are excited for every comment, and then you start to convince yourself that certain types of comments “don’t matter.” “Oh, I got ten comments but 5 of them are my discord friends, they’re just commenting because they’re friends.” “Oh, I got comments, but they’re from the same people who always comment. I wish somebody knew would comment. It’s depressing that only the same people are reading my work.” “I got comments but look how many hits/likes/kudos I got and so few of them commented.”

So. Easy. You guys, it is so easy to convince yourself that what you’re getting isn’t enough. So just, watch yourself and stay grateful. Be vigilant against that kind of complacency. And most importantly, write things you love because you love them. At the same time, sometimes you have to be realistic about the size of the potential audience for any given fic. Write it, but remember that not everybody loves what you love, and if you choose to write something that’s a little weird or has a lot of OCs or diverges strongly from accepted canon/fanon, that you’re going to have to find your people, find your audience, before you start seeing those comments come in.

It’s complicated, I get that. We all do want the comments and the validation. We ARE less motivated when no one seems to engage with our work. But I also think that the way to combat that is to a) stay grateful b) build community with other authors/artists/creators who will still be there commenting and cheering us on when the general public seems to have sunk into indifference. Nobody gets it like fellow creatives. Be the change you want to see in the world, and all that. If you feel like commenting is down, it’s probably down for other people too, so maybe go leave a positive comment for someone else.

#quickrambles #a lot #on commenting

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pastelsnakeyy · 9 months

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Before I start, this is not meant to shame people. Most lgbtq people use and enjoy labels. This is just my experience and feelings as someone who is proud to be unlabeled. I don't usually post stuff, but I've had a lot of feelings lately. I just need to get this off my chest. Sorry for the long post.

Sexuality for me has been a weird struggle. Coming to terms with the fact that I wasn't straight was a big deal. However, after that, it was an even bigger mess, especially when I started to question my gender. For a while, I called myself bi, but that never truly felt right. It was technically true, but it felt wrong.

Could I just call myself bi or pan or omni because a label like that technically works? Sure, but my feelings are more complex. It's not just "any gender but a preference for men." It's way more than that.

Could I find a microlabel to describe my complex feelings towards my sexuality? Sure, and there's no shame in that, but I don't want to. Finding a specific word to use for my complex emotions towards sex and romance feels daunting. So I don't wanna bother. Plus, trying to describe my complicated emotions with attraction with one simple word feels almost disrespectful.

I don't own anyone a deep explanation or analysis about my attraction. Trying to do so just confuses me and other people. Not having any specific definition to hold myself to feels a lot more freeing. Dating, romance, sex, and attraction are all fluid and complex emotions, and trying to understand it all so I can put myself into a box feels... well... awful...

People should not shame each other for not choosing to label themselves. Why should I feel bad for not having a word to smack onto me? I'm not "queer baiting" you. I don't need to prove my queerness to you. Nobody needs to prove their queerness to anybody. Just because they don't have a single word to describe them doesn't mean they are suddenly less queer.

(Also, queer is not my label. I reclaimed the word queer from homophobes who used it against me. I use it as an umbrella term to describe my sexuality, my gender, and me as a person. Some people use it as a label for their sexuality, I do not.)

For some, labels make them feel better. It feels nice to have a word and flag to describe exactly how they feel. For some, they don't care, but having a label is easier than not. But for me, trying to put a label on how I feel just makes me feel bad. It's confusing and anxiety inducing because not a single word can be used to define my sexual and romantic attraction.

I'm not straight. I'm queer. I'm unlabeled. And I fucking proud of that fact.

#lgbtq #queer #gay #queer pride #unlabeled #unlabled pride #trans masc #gay rights #queer liberation #i don't owe you anything

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deliriumsdelight7 · 2 years

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A plea for audience engagement

Hoo boy. I did NOT want to do this. At all. But I feel like the Rumbelle fandom has reached a fork in the road. One path leads to years of wonderful stories and content for the fandom to enjoy. The other leads to a slow death for this wonderful community.

This rant is probably going to come across whiny, bitchy, and completely entitled, so if you’re not up for reading that, feel free to scroll past.

There has been a sharp downturn in audience engagement in the fandom as a whole lately. I’ve been seeing fics get just as many views as they did last year, or close to it, but fewer and fewer likes, reblogs, and AO3 comments over the past few months. At first, I thought it was just me: either my imagination, or maybe my writing was starting to stagnate (or worse, starting to suck). But no - I’ve had multiple authors mention how their work over the past few months will get few interactions, or worse - none at all. Combing through their Tumblr and AO3 pages confirmed my suspicions (yes, I am being THAT flavor of creep).

This issue extends to weekly author Tumblr posts, such as TMI Tuesday. For the past few months, I (as an example) have been extremely lucky to get a single Ask in my inbox. Most weeks, I get nothing at all. Other writers have reported the same thing. It’s gotten to the point where other writers have stopped making these weekly posts altogether, because... why bother? Why take the time to write that post inviting interactions? It’s clearly adding nothing to the fandom, so all it does is open you up for disappointment when nobody responds.

Now, I know that nobody is entitled to comments/kudos/likes/reblogs/whatever. And anybody who creates art for no other reason than to get compliments is going to have a bad time. But here’s the thing: without input, there can be no output. As our favorite scaly wizard says, everything comes at a price. Writing fic is a creative, joyful, freeing thing - but it’s also work. It’s stressful, it’s time-consuming, it’s exhausting... For those of us who are constantly putting out content, it’s basically an unpaid second job. So when you pour your time, energy, and soul into a work and get little to no response... it’s discouraging. Really discouraging. I know for a fact that I’m not alone in feeling this way. Multiple other authors are starting to feel both disheartened and unappreciated, to the point where they’re considering becoming much less active in the fandom and moving on to others. I’m talking about die-hard fans who put out multiple entries a month - sometimes multiple a week!

Look, I get it. Life really sucks right now for a lot of us. Many members of the fandom don’t have the time/energy/spoons to go on Tumblr or AO3 to read. This post isn’t aimed at them. But for those of you who still check the Rumbelle tag daily, weekly, monthly, whatever, please - please interact with your content creators. They pour so much of themselves into their work. Hours upon hours go into each and every one. So please - if you read someone’s work, just take thirty seconds out of your day to send them a comment. It doesn’t have to be an essay. It can be a sentence. Or a word. Or an emoji. Anything! And if they solicit Asks, send them a quick one! Ask their characters questions. Ask the author questions about themselves as a writer, or about who they are as a person! I promise, it absolutely makes their day.

I love this fandom, guys. In the Rumbelle fandom, I feel like I’ve found a sense of belonging I never knew before. I’ve been pouring my energy into keeping the fandom alive through discussions, taking over popular events, trying to create new events, and yes - writing fic. I would gladly bleed myself dry for this fandom. But all of that comes to nothing if several of our most prolific authors become too discouraged to contribute. So I beg you - please, please, please let your content creators know how much you love their work!

#sorry for the bitch sesh #but I feel like it had to be said #if it were just me I could ignore it #but I've been hearing this same refrain from too many Rumbelle authors for my comfort #I feel gross for writing a public fucking call-out post #gonna go take a 10-hour shower now #rumbelle #rumbelle fanfiction #rumbelle fic

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cosmicbunne · 2 years

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[This is not meant to make anyone feel bad for me. It's just to get it off my mind as I find doing this helps a bit]

A few days ago, I found a term that basically means accepting the LGBTQIA+ (and/or other topics), but like not all the way. I forgot what the exact term was (it was "pseudo-acceptance" or something)

I found the term when i got distracted by the YouTube shorts and across one that described a situation using the trend "Am I sexual?" (Or whatever it's called).

After watching it, I had a moment of realization: that's what my parents are like.

To explain, my parents are in their 40s, my mom is bisexual and my dad is straight, and are both comfortable with their birth genders. I myself am bisexual and also comfortable with my birth gender (being female). On One hand, I pretty much accept anybody and will try my best to be a decent person and use the preferred pronouns.

On the other hand, my parents' stance on the LGBTQIA+ is an iffy subject. They accept people's sexualities, but the gender (or genderless) side of the community is the iffy part of their views.

It's like they'll be okay with someone who is transgender, but they question and argue about the logics of things.

For example, I hope they'd be accepting if someone around them came out as gender fluid, Non-binary, agender, etc.

But at the same time, I don't think I wanna find out, because they don't see those as real possibilities of gender(or lack of gender) because how the human body is presented to be.

A lot of what they say about the topic gets concerning. It bothers me a lot, but I don't tell them anymore because it, always results in arguments.

I mean I never really talk to my dad about personal things because we both have anger issues, and I feel uncomfortable to do so as I don't know what would set off an argument. Meanwhile, I do talk about more personal things with my mom, even though it's been happening less and less lately, but the LGBTQIA+ is a topic that they don't think to just be a decent person about.

It's not the only topic that this becomes a problem with either though. For the past 2½ months, they've been acting like their feelings are the only ones that matter. Whether it's compared to strangers or their own children. It's slowly been getting worse too.

I'm not really sure if this was always the case and me maturing more made me more observant to it or some sort of dial just started turning in their mind and has slowly been turning in the direction of not caring if they hurt someone emotionally. Like from Caring if they bother someone to if it isn't each other, they don't care who they hurt.

A couple of reoccurring examples, that I'm pretty sure I vented about before, are:

- they have this idea that they are not able to be hypocritical towards us(my brothers and I). Not they won't. they definitely are in quite a few situations, they just don't see they're actions in those situations as hypothetical.

- similarly, they have situations where they can be pretty rude, but like with them not seeing some actions to be hypocritical to us, they don't see the rude situations as them being rude. They seem to think they have the right to be rude to us and we shouldn't complain.

However, in situations where we're the rude ones it completely flops. Hell, there's some situations where we're not being rude, but they decide to accuse us of doing so anyway.

- my mom almost always says something along the lines of "they think we're bad parents" or something to do with us hating her, when she feels annoyed with us. Hell, sometimes my dad feels annoyed with us and expresses this, usually by questioning why we act a certain way (which is more acceptable to me) and my mom could just respond with "they just hate us" or "they just think we're bad parents" This is something that doesn't happen much anymore (luckily), but it bothers me.

A lot of the the things they do feel shitty, but any time I try to talk to them about it it just turns into an argument.

Sometimes I wonder if when I move out to college I just shouldn't come back. I always disagree with the idea because they're definitely not the worst parents, honestly they're definitely one of the best, but I still feel like I shouldn't have that idea if they're good parents.

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equizona · 2 years

Note

I am absolutely sobbing, my pillow is wet and my glasses foggy. I finished reading the Obey me "Telling them to go ahead and kill you" and it absolutely broke my heart at how powerful it was. Could I possibly ask for the brothers saving MC from an attempt? I need the closure if that's okay. 😭 Thank you for the emotional rollercoaster, you are an amazing writer.

— "SAVING MC FROM A SUICIDE ATTEMPT."

— OBEY ME!: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor

— NOTE!: Gosh, this made my heart flutter, haha. I'm happy I was able to make it impactful. No idea how good this one turned out, but I tried! <3

— WARNINGS: Suicidal themes, attempted suicide, self-harm mentions, associated thoughts to suicide, lesson 1-20 spoilers!

— EXTRA: I want to mention to anybody reading this that the bath tub suicide method isn't actually real? Like.. you can do it but not only is it extremely difficult, it's very painful too and you'll most likely be unable to do so, at least from what I've read. Just thought I'd share, as a 'fun' fact. Also emergency health tip: Don't make someone vomit if they've overdosed, it's apparently a really bad course of action.

๑LUCIFER

HE comes to your room late at night, doing his usual rounds to make sure everyone is where they're meant to be and safe. Unlike majority of his brothers, he actually knocks on the door. When he receives no answer, he's about to leave and go to sleep himself, assuming you're just asleep already but..

He can't help but have a feeling that something isn't quite right, and it makes him worried. He knows better than to ignore his instincts, so he keeps knocking on your door, and after a minute of noa newer he tells you he's coming in and uses his magic to open the door.

He can feel his world cave in on him as his heart shatters at the sight of your body hanging limb from a rope connected to the ceiling, but he's quick to action, rushing over to your body as he effortlessly cuts the rope, making sure to catch you in his arms so nothing bad happens to you.

When he realizes that you're still alive, by some miracle, he wants to cry in relief. He doesn't shout for help, instead he starts up a healing spell that will help with choking and brings you to lay on your bed, making sure that you're comfortable.

He stays there the entire night, silently crying as he keeps his magic up and watches over you. He feels so bad, and since there is nobody to hear him, he keeps whispering apologies while you're asleep.

In the morning, he'll give you a gentle smile and while he isn't crying anymore, you can still see the obvious signs. He'll tell you that he's sending you to a human therapist, and that you're always welcome to talk to him if something is bothering you.

He won't cry, can't cry. You need someone that you can rely on, and he wants to be that someone. You obviously need someone strong, so he can't let himself be weak for you.

Eventually, he'll bring his hand up and cup your cheek, giving you a teary-eyed 'I'm sorry', and no matter what your reaction is, whether you're crying and clinging to him, or shouting and hitting him, he'll just sit there silently, taking whatever you throw at him as he internally begs you not to leave him alone.

๑MAMMON

MAMMON doesn't knock. Never has, never will. It's not like he's trying to invade your privacy, he just doesn't think about knocking before he barges into your room. He notices that you aren't there, but he can feel your presence in the bathroom through the pact mark, so he gets comfortable on your bed, waiting as patiently as he can for you to come out.

But then he feels you fading, and he's jumping up front where he was laying, rushing through to the bathroom door as he frantically calls out your name. Why aren't you answering him?! Why can he feel your pact fading?! You fading!?

His mind flashes with previous images of your lifeless, bloody body laying limb in his arms, colder than you and ever been and those empty, glassy eyes staring into his soul and reminding him of his failure–

He breaks down the door, no care in the world if he breaks the door or something.

He goes to your body, laying limb in a bathtub filled with water and blood. Your blood. He doesn't waste a single moment to pull you up from the water, getting his jacket wrapped around you as he takes his shirt off and presses it down on the cuts on your wrist. He shouts for Lucifer, desperate for his older brother to come and fix his stupid mistakes.

He's sobbing, tears dripping down on his shirt that's he's pressing to your wounds soaking the material even more when Lucifer comes rushing in, an awake Leviathan standing confused in the doorway for a few seconds before his eyes lands on your body.

Mammon doesn't react to either of them at first, not until Lucifer, as gently as he currently can, pulls Mammon away from you and starts a healing spell you quickly cover the wounds on your hands.

When you've been properly healed, and placed on your bed to rest until morning, Mammon doesn't leave your side. Neither does he stop crying, instead he spends the entire night next to you, sobbing into a quiet Lucifer's chest.

That's how you awaken, and when you do he's quick to detach himself from his older brother, instead clinging to you as he sobs, trying to be careful of your already healed injuries, incoherent apologies all that leaves his mouth for a good hour.

He doesn't really let you be on your own much anymore, strict on you having to be around someone to make sure you never try to do so again.

๑LEVIATHAN

WHEN he comes to your room, not really thinking of knocking with how excited he is to share the new game that came out, based on one of his favorite anime ever, he stands in the doorway ranting about it for a few seconds without thinking or looking up from his gaming device.

When he looks up, confused on how quiet you are, he comes face to face with your limb body, more lifeless than it should be for someone just sleeping, on the floor with a bottle of pills settled neatly next to you and a note under it..

He's so familiar with these scenarios, too familiar with this scenario and he just freezes, standing there and staring at your body without moving as much as a muscle.

However, he's quick to get into action. He moves you into a position that will be easy to breathe in, making sure nothing gets into your lungs on accident as he actives a minor healing spell to help a little, picking up his phone and calling for Lucifer.

You're rushed to a human world hospital, since they don't really know what to do when a human overdoses, and don't want to do something with the pills in your body that might face everything up. Once you've been cleared and they tell Leviathan and Lucifer that you'll survive, Lucifer heads back and leaves Leviathan in charge if you.

He settles down next to you in a chair next to the hospital bed you've been placed in, as he grabs your hand and just holds it tight until you wake up. He feels so bad. Was this because of him? He doesn't want you to suffer.

Was he wrong for saving you? This was your decision and he had gone ahead and ruined it. Why did he do that? What right did he have to do anything like this? But then again, he's a demon, and he doesn't want to let you go.

When you wake up, he'll show you the game, even if he doesn't care that much for it anymore. He hopes he can take your mind off of whatever made you take such drastic actions for even a little bit. If you start crying or look like you want to talk, he'll assure you that he's here to listen.

He blames himself, for letting you get to this point. For making you want to die, for wanting to take your own life. And he blames himself for forcing you to continue living with such pain, to keep living in the nightmare you seem to call life.

He can't do anything right, can he?

๑SATAN

He RAGES.

He doesn't mean too. He knows how stupid his reaction is. He should be making sure that you're fine, try to heal you, but he can't. The wrath boiling beneath his skin won't allow him, and he feels horrible. He's yelling at himself to control himself for once, to stop, so that you won't die.

His outburst catches the attention of other people in the household. Beelzebub and Asmodeus are quick to catch him, holding him down as his sin goes out of control as Lucifer rushes towards you, helping you down from the rope hanging you from a thick plant that he had helped you grow.

While Lucifer rushes you away, Asmodues and Beelzebub struggle to hold him down, now joined with Leviathan, as he trashes and screams in their hold. He's angry, he's upset. Why would you do something like that!? To him!? Did he matter so little to you!?

After a few hours of firing himself and his brothers out, he just lays there, staring up blankly as he thinks about everything. He knows you're not at fault, doesn't quite know why he's blaming you. What's wrong with him? Why would he do something like this? You needed him and he couldn't do anything other than get upset.

He doesn't really believe you. You tell him so often how he's much more than just wrath, but this really proved that was all he was, huh? He couldn't even help you, letting his sin get ahold of him again.

He's worthless, and he doesn't really talk to you again for a while. You'll see him about a week after waking up, Asmodeus dragging him in and leaving you both alone, assuring them both that he and the others are nearby should anything go south.

Even his brothers don't have faith in him.

He doesn't either.

But he glances at the bruise forming around your throat, and comes to a decision. He keeps his distance, not wanting to make you uncomfortable. He tells you he's sorry for not noticing sooner, and for getting so angry about it. He doesn't expect you to forgive him, since his sin held him back from saving your life. But he wants you to at least know that he is sorry. He truly is.

๑ASMODEUS

COMING across your body had been a total accident, and from what was on the cover of your note, it seemed like you weren't expecting him to find you first. But he did.

Unlike the others, he spends a good while just standing there, terror in his eyes when he notices the pills spread on the floor around you. He wants to vomit.

After a few seconds, he starts crying. Sobbing for someone to come and help him as he helplessly holds your body close to him. He regrest never listening to Satan's silly human autonomy facts because maybe he could have helped you if he had ever done that–

He doesn't want to accept what is happening. How could you do this? Why would you do this? To him? To his brothers? To yourself?

He's crying louder than he has in decades, since Lilith's death. The others only wake up when they feel your pact mark disappearing, and cone across the scene. Asmodeus is quick to remove himself from you when Lucifer comes to help you.

Once you're healed and taken care of, in a human world hospital because even Lucifer doesn't quite know how to deal with someone overdosing, he settles next to you and doesn't leave no matter what anyone says. He doesn't want to leave. He doesn't want you to leave. Can't even handle the thought and now you're trying to do so?

Why, just why?

He ends up blaming himself for a good chunk of your problems. He's the one telling you that you'll never be as pretty as him. He's never tried to stand up for you, never helped with homework or anything. He's utterly worthless, and yet he pretends that he's someone above you?

He'll be laying down next to you the entire time that you're asleep, refusing to move even to take care of himself in basic manners, and the others have to bring him food and water to make sure he stays somewhat healthy. You wake up to him sobbing out apologies to you, and you can't make him calm down no matter what you do.

He's like that for a good period of time, just crying when he sees you. He feels horrible, you're the one suffering yet he's the one who's going around acting like this. Eventually, he'll be able to make more calm but until then the only thing you'll hear from him are teary apologies.

๑BEELZEBUB

HE'D been woken in the night by the smell of your blood. A smell he knows and quite honestly, hates. It wasn't a small amount of blood, either. He went looking for you, making his way into the bathroom without a second of hesitation, calling out your name before noticing the limb body laying in a bathtub filled with blood and water.

He feels the air choke up in his throat, but he doesn't let his emotions get the better of him. He's quick into action, getting something to put pressure on your wounds to try and stop the bleeding as he shouts for Lucifer.

He's quick and efficient, refusing to think about how he feels for even a second as he focuses on saving you. After all, he can feel it. He can still hear the sound of your heartbeat, and hear the gentle thrumming through the pact mark you made with him.

He follows dutifully after Lucifer heals you and places you gently on your bed. He notices the note and reads through it, and finally let's himself accept what happened. He blames himself, of course. He knows how often you tell him that it's not his fault, but he can't help it. He probably pressured you. With how often he bothers you with his nightmares and problems and guilt he's probably made you unable to reach through to him when you're in a time of need, leaving you to take dramatic measures such as this.

He offers you a gentle but melancholic smile when you wake up, getting Lucifer so that the eldest can speak to you. After that, he's even more silent than he was before, and he nearly never lets you be alone. He doesn't mean to make you uncomfortable but he can't leave you alone after that.

He stops coming to you about any of his guilt, bottling it up the same way he did before. He hates himself for letting you get to such a point. He is meant to protect his family, but time and time again it's proved that he can truly do nothing that really matters. He let Lilith die, he let Belphegor get locked up and taken from his family, let Lucifer suffer in silence and now he's let you fall so deep into despair that you've come to this.

He can't lose you, too.

๑BELPHEGOR

WHEN he stumbles upon your body, he's in shock. He just wanted to nap with you, but you're body is hanging there lifeless. He doesn't know how he should react, so he ends up just standing there for a few minutes, trying to comprehend the scene in front of him. You're not dead. He can still feel you.

Seconds later he panics. He doesn't give himself time to think about the situation or what this implies, he's cutting the rope and then rushing you straight for Lucifer, silently crying the entire way there.

Once you're safe and you've been placed to rest safely, he dutifully settles down on a chair next to you, laying his head on the side of the bed.

He feels horrible once the gravity of the situation really hits him. You tried to kill yourself. And it's probably because of him. What had anyone else done that was worse than his own actions? He could still feel your pulse when he wrapped his hands around your neck, ready to snap them–

What right did he even have to save you? Was he really dooming you to a life surrounded by the people who has threatened and harmed you multiple times? A life filled with negative thoughts and not a single want to be alive? Why would he even do that? You must hate himself even more now.

He hates himself, too.

687 notes · View notes

skiller0dani · 3 years

Text

Pogue on Pogue | JJ Maybank

M A S T E R L I S T Outer Banks Masterlist

smut requests info w.c | 8.9k summary | you and jj are together, despite both being pogues. You knew you’d have to hide your relationship from the rest of the pogues, and what makes it worse? John B is your twin brother.

The bonfire was lit, the stars were out, there were stolen kook beers, and yet you still didn’t feel like partying. You knew sooner or later Kiara or Pope would come bother you about it, and that your twin brother, John B, would call you a drag. The night air had a slight chill to it, but that didn’t stop drunk college kids on their Spring break from jumping into the ocean. You sat on the porch of the Chateau, a beer in your palm. Luckily nobody bothered you, seeing as only the pogues are allowed inside the Chateau. Your eyes settled on your boyfriend, who was currently talking to a group of slightly drunk female tourists. You knew he was trying to keep up appearances, the rest of the pogues didn’t know you and JJ were together. If they saw him blow off hot girls, they’d definitely know something was up. So as much as it stung to do so, you gave him the okay to flirt with them a little. You knew JJ wasn’t doing anything wrong, he was doing what you told him to. But you can guess that those tourists aren’t virgins, and would totally be down to fuck JJ. You however are a virgin, and somehow JJ has lasted 4 weeks without sex. You can’t help but feel insecure about the fact that your boyfriend is used to getting sex whenever he wants, and now because of you he can’t. You feel like his ‘ball and chain’ so to speak. Despite him reassuring you that he’s fine with waiting for you, it still eats at you. Especially when you see him flirting with other girls, is he thinking about having sex with them?

“What’s up with you? You’ve been weird all night.” Kiara said as she sat on the porch steps next to you. You were bracing for when one of them would come talk to you. You smiled with a shrug.

“Not in the party mood I guess.” You say dismissively, and you know instantly that she doesn’t buy it for a second. One glance and Kiara knows that something is really bothering you, and you wished you could tell her about it. But she would tell John B, and then John would punch JJ. You don’t want to come in between their friendship, and you know your brother won’t be okay with you and JJ.

“Liar.” Is all she says, leaning back with a raised brow. You lift your beer to your lips, avoiding eye contact.

“You think JJ’s gonna score tonight?” Kiara asks, a teasing tone to her voice. Before you and JJ got together, everyone would make bets on whether or not JJ would get laid that night.

“I bet he will.” She says again, laughing lightly at herself. When she doesn’t hear you laughing with her, she turns her gaze towards you. It’s silly, but you feel your heart constricting in your chest. If JJ had it his way he would probably screw one of those stupid girls pushing their cleavage out so he’ll look. He probably has.

“I bet he won’t.” You say finally, trying to keep the emotion out of your voice. You don’t risk sparing a glance at her just in case she’s looking at you. One look in your teary eyes and she’ll know immediately. You watch with burning eyes as the girl to JJ’s left leans in closer to press her lips against his neck. Feeling emotion swell in your chest you stand from the porch step.

“Don’t feel good, gonna lay down.” Is all you manage before the first tear falls and you’re pushing into the Chateau. Moments after the door shuts, JJ is gently pushing the girl off of him with a nervous chuckle, his eyes briefly catching Kiara’s. Her eyebrows furrow, why would JJ turn her down? Glancing back to where you were previously sat, it clicks. Kiara’s eyes widen, you and JJ are so dating. Kiara stands with a triumphant smile on her face as she takes the empty seat left by the girl JJ rejected.

“Could’ve sworn you were gonna bone her JJ.” Kiara says casually, and JJ shifts uncomfortably.

“Not the right mood I guess.” He laughs nervously, fixing his hat.

“Why? Afraid of upsetting your girlfriend?” Kiara says it so casually and so quickly that JJ doesn’t really think about it until after the fateful words leave his mouth.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“So you do have a girlfriend! Who is it?” Kiara whispers excitedly, leaning closer to JJ.

“Nobody, I don’t have one Kie.” JJ says, backtracking immediately. But the look in Kiara’s face tells JJ it’s too late for that. Shit.

“Is it Y/N?” Her eyes read JJ’s face intently, trying to find any sort of giveaway because she knows JJ isn’t going to budge on this subject. Normally JJ is pretty forthcoming with information, sometimes sharing details the other pogues do not want to hear, but he’s being pretty tight-lipped about this.

“No! Of course not!” JJ says too quickly, his voice also having raised an octave. Kiara tries to hide her smirk and leans back towards the fire, a casual look on her face.

“Well I hope not, because Y/N is inside the Chateau crying.”

“What? Why?” JJ’s head snaps up to look into the Chateau, ignoring the victorious look on Kiara’s face. He knows going inside will give you guys away, at least to Kiara. So he sits there, in front of that fire, for all of 5 minutes before he’s standing from the log he’s sat on. He can’t get it out of his head, you’re crying. Why are you crying? Did he do something wrong? Did he take the flirting too far? He was only doing it a little, just like you said. The anxiety turning in his gut is enough for him to take off his hat to run his fingers nervously through his hair.

“I knew it!” Kiara says victoriously, JJ rolls his eyes.

“Shut up Kie, and don’t tell John B!” He calls over his shoulder as he skips up the Chateau steps. Sure enough, as soon as he passes the threshold of the front door he can hear soft crying coming from one of the bedrooms. JJ wrings his hands together, he’s never really been in a relationship before and he’s terrified of fucking it up.

“Baby? You in here?” JJ asks softly, leaning against the wall next to your bedroom door. He hears the crying stop and it feels like his heart is breaking. You slowly open the door and the sight of your tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes has him cupping your cheeks.

“What’s the matter?” His voice is soft and concerned, it brings a new wave of tears to your eyes. You press yourself into his chest, your arms wrapping around his torso as you hear him kick the door shut with his foot. JJ sits on your bed, pulling you to stand between his legs. His hands are still cupping your cheeks and you see concern in his eyes.

“Baby please talk to me, if I did something wrong just tell me.” JJ nearly pleads, and you shake your head, your hands falling to his shoulders.

“Doesn’t it bother you that I’m not ready to have sex?” You asked, your voice shaky. JJ swiped away a falling tear with his thumb before shaking his head.

“No baby it doesn’t. I want to wait for you, you’re the girl of my dreams. I’ve had it bad for you for as long as I can remember. Now I finally have you, and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes.” JJ says, looking directly into your eyes.

“But you’re used to having sex regularly JJ, I feel like an ankle weight-”

“No Y/N. What are you even saying? You’re not my ankle weight. I am used to having sex regularly, but with people I don’t really care about. You satisfy me in a way they never can, I will wait for you because I want to wait for you.” JJ says again, a serious look in his eyes as his hands force you to look at him.

“Do you think about doing it...with other girls?” You can’t help but ask him, even though you know what he’s going to say. You just need to hear him say it.

“Never, and I never will.” JJ says firmly, his hands rubbing circles onto your lower back. You nod, feeling your heart rate calm and the tears come to a stop. You feel JJ wind his arms around your waist, pulling you flush with him. Your fingers brush through his hair, and you feel him smile against your tummy. JJ tries not to feel disheartened when you doubt his dedication to you so often, but at the same time he can’t really blame you. The entire time you’ve known JJ, you’ve never seen him commit to anybody. But that’s because he’s never wanted to commit to anyone, until he started dating you. You want to have sex with JJ, but you have no idea what’s holding you back. Maybe you should just start slow, really slow.

“JJ?” You take a step back from him, his hands falling away from your hips. He turns his gaze up to you, watching you curiously as you turn your bedside lamp on. You reach for the hem of your shirt, feeling your heart practically pounding in your throat as you pull it up and over your head. JJ’s eyes widen as he takes in the sight of you in your bra.

“What’re you doing baby? I-I’m okay with waiting.” His voice is distracted, and he can’t tear his eyes off your chest.

“I know, and I’ll be ready soon. First I-I want you to see me. So I can just get it over with.” Your cheeks are heated as you stand shirtless before him. From the way JJ’s eyes are drinking in any exposed skin, you feel like you’re naked when you’ve only taken off your shirt. JJ nods, leaning back against his palms.

“O-Okay.” He swallows thickly, doing his best to stay composed. You’re just so damn beautiful. You reach for your shorts, quickly pushing them down your legs leaving you in your underwear and bra before him. JJ sucks in a heavy breath, his eyes tailing down your hips to your legs. JJ curses himself when he feels a certain appendage hardening in his shorts, now is not the time. He doesn't want to scare you away. You trust JJ with your life, I mean he literally shielded you from gunshots with his body. You couldn’t imagine doing this for anybody else, you can’t imagine losing your virginity to anybody else. It’s always been JJ.

“You’re beautiful baby.” JJ breathes when he notices your hesitation. You feel some of the nerves leave you then, but you still feel like you could faint at any moment. You close your eyes to steel your nerves as you reach back to unclip your bra and let it fall to the floor. When JJ groans softly you feel your entire body heat up and a jolt go straight between your legs. JJ almost can’t believe how lucky he is, every inch of you is absolutely stunning.

“God, your tits are perfect baby.” JJ groans, his pupils blown wide as he lets his eyes drink in the newly exposed skin. Gradually, JJ’s shorts are growing tighter and tighter- it’s getting hard to stay composed. You’re driving him to the brink of insanity, you really expect him to watch you strip naked in front of him and do nothing about it? He’s definitely gonna have to rub one out in the shower after this. You smile shyly as your cheeks burn red at his words of praise. You feel your palms shaking as you hook your fingers into your underwear. After this last piece of clothing, you’ll be completely naked in front of JJ.

“It’s alright baby, just take your time.” JJ says, his voice soft and reassuring. You feel your heart racing faster and faster, that’s when JJ’s hands cover yours.

“Do you want me to? I mean cause I can, if that’ll be easier.” JJ says and you nod instantly, you want to show him all of you but you can’t seem to stop shaking. If it was left up to you, you’d spend the rest of the night contemplating it. You step forward into JJ’s open arms, your eyes squeeze shut when you feel him begin to slide your panties down your legs. By now, JJ has a heartbeat in his pants, and he’s so hard it’s becoming sort of painful. He’s not bashful about his hard on though, it’s not the first time you’ll have caught him with one. JJ takes a deep breath to try and hold onto his last shred of sanity as he helps you carefully step out of your panties so he can toss them aside. His eyes meet yours to send you a little wink before his eyes start to trail south. Your trembling palms are holding tightly onto his shoulders, nobody has ever seen you naked before. Except for Kiara once on accident, but that was just Kie. No boy has ever seen you naked. Ever. When JJ’s eyes land on your pussy, he feels that last bit of sanity ooze out his ears and disappear. Everything about your body is so perfect and JJ can’t help the growl that escapes his lips upon seeing you completely naked for the first time. Sneakily, he also steals a glance at that perfect ass of yours without you knowing.

“Shit baby you’re killin me.” JJ groans, his hands on your hips as he gently pushes you to take a step back. You feel like your entire body is on fire when JJ looks at you, and you suddenly have no idea what you were so scared of. Clearly JJ thinks your body is beautiful, he’s said so. JJ’s eyes can’t stop trailing up and down your body, and he can’t decide what his favorite part is. Your perfect tits? Round ass? Or that beautiful pussy between your legs? JJ turns his gaze back up to meet yours, a small smile on his face. He reaches up to gently grasp at the back of your neck to tug you down for a kiss. His lips meet yours softly, moving slowly against your own.

“You’ve seen me...I wanna see you.” You mumble against his lips and you feel his breath catch in his throat. Sure, girls have seen JJ naked before but never in such an intimate setting. This is far more romantic than any other sexual encounter he’s had, and you guys aren’t even doing anything sexual. JJ presses another firm kiss to your lips before he’s standing from the bed, kicking his shoes off.

“Well? Sit your sexy little ass down.” JJ instructs, pointing at the bed. You blush with a giggle as you do what he says. You settle down on the bed where he just was, slowly feeling more comfortable being naked in his presence. God you love this man. The thought enters your mind before you can stop it. Your eyes widen, are you in love with JJ? You watch with excited eyes as JJ pulls his socks off, and you can’t help but giggle when his hand comes up to stop himself from falling over. JJ starts off easy, pulling his shirt over his head. You’ve seen him shirtless a thousand times. It’s when he reaches for the button of his shorts that you swallow a thick lump in your throat. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say JJ looks nervous. You feel excitement buzzing in your body when JJ unbuttons his shorts and kicks them off leaving him standing before you in his black boxer briefs.

“Are you ready? I don’t think you are.” JJ teases, earning himself a shy laugh from you. You’re so cute that JJ isn’t sure what to do with himself sometimes. Sending you one final wink and JJ is yanking his boxer briefs down, his erection bobbing up. JJ releases a soft sigh of relief as his cock is released, it was becoming pretty damn painful. Your eyes widen and you can’t look anywhere other than at his dick, which is way bigger than you were expecting. You see the blush dusting across his cheeks, and you swallow a lump in your throat.

“Holy shit.” Is all you can bring yourself to choke out, earning a smug smirk from JJ. In all honesty, JJ feels a little more exposed then he was expecting to. Every time he’s been naked in front of a girl, it’s because they were about to have sex. But never has he been naked solely for a girl to see him naked. It’s intimidating. JJ feels his cock throb when his eyes trail down your naked body again, he’s not going to last much longer. Blowing out a breath, JJ stoops down to grab your clothes, but he doesn’t miss the hurt flash in your eyes.

“Baby as much as I would love to admire your naked body for the rest of the night, I can’t hold myself back for much longer. So before I jizz in my pants can you please put some clothes back on?” JJ says, his voice strained. You can’t help the laugh as it bubbles up from your chest, reaching down to start putting your clothes back on. After your panties and bra have been slid back on, you steal another look at JJ who is just about to pull his boxers back up his legs. JJ has been incredibly sweet these last few weeks, he’s never pressured you to have sex with him and has been nothing but understanding and patient with you even though not having sex is hard for him. You want to repay him for how amazing he’s treated you, how perfect of a boyfriend he’s been.

“JJ? W-wait.” You stammer, reaching to grab his hand. JJ’s eyebrows raise as you push him to sit down on the bed before kneeling between his legs. Now the new view JJ has been blessed to see has him clenching his fists, you on your knees before him is almost too much for him.

“What are d-doing babe?” JJ tries to keep his voice from breaking, but when you slowly inch closer to his cock his voice catches in his throat.

“I-I wanted to thank you for being the best boyfriend I could have asked for. You’ve never made me feel bad about wanting to wait.”

“Baby I’d never pressure you to do something you didn’t want to. So you do not have to do this, I’m okay baby really.” JJ reassures you quickly, he doesn’t want to make you feel like you have to pleasure him just because he’s hard. His dick has a complete mind of it’s own and JJ can’t control when it gets hard.

“I want to, really I do!” You say instantly and JJ swallows thickly before he nods. He leans down to press a quick kiss to your lips before he’s leaning back up again.

“Have you ever done this before?” JJ asks, he knows you’re a virgin but that doesn’t mean you haven’t done other stuff. He’s silently praying you say no because if you say yes, he’s going to ask who and then he’s going to go beat the shit out of him. Only JJ gets to see you this way.

“N-no.” You stammer and JJ releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

“Thank God. I didn’t feel like beating someone to a pulp today.” He says, releasing a comically large breath. You laugh before playfully slapping his chest, JJ always knows how to make you feel safe and comfortable at all times. You have no idea how he does that. You place one dainty hand on his thigh, and JJ can practically taste the hesitancy coming from you.

“It’s easy baby, just go slow and don’t bite me.” JJ says soothingly, and you nod before scooting forward to take his cock in your hand. JJ hisses softly when you jerk him once, your eyes snapping up when you hear a low groan come from his chest. You lean forward to drag your tongue up the underside of his cock, and JJ moans softly. The sound sends waves of pleasure between your legs. You see a bead of precum at the tip and gently you swipe your thumb over it and JJ groans again.

“Doin’ good baby.” JJ praises, stroking a hand across your cheek. While his tone may be soft and gentle, the look in his eyes is less so. The lust in his gaze is enough to send heat all through your body, the way he’s looking at you is making you throb. You nervously lean up to take his cock into your mouth, and you suckle on the tip. JJ groans desperately, his head falling back as your tongue licks the underside of his head. This has to be the best damn blowjob he’s ever received. You slowly take his cock further into your mouth, your lips stretching wide around him. Your hand comes up to grab whatever you can’t fit in your mouth and JJ moans loudly.

“God damn baby, you sure you’ve never done this? You’re a fuckin’ natural.” JJ groans, his hands curling around the sheets of your bed. You continue to slide down as far as you can before you feel JJ harshly pulling on your hair. He pulls your head back and then gently pushes you back down before you get the hang of it. You bob your head on his cock, and when you look back up you see that JJ is nearly panting. Your slow pace is the most wonderful torture, you’re slowly edging him to orgasm.

“Fuck you look so beautiful on your knees.” JJ growls, his head tipping back up so he can look at you again. You look up at him through your lashes and JJ groans, his hand stroking your cheek again. You can tell he’s struggling to keep his eyes open, so when you accidentally hollow your cheeks you see his eyes flutter shut. So you do it again. JJ reaches down to yank your hand up and instantly you massage his balls in your hand, and soon JJ is squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

“Holy shit baby do not stop please.” JJ pleads, allowing himself to fall back against the bed as you tongue the underside of his cock again. You jerk with your hand what you can’t fit in your mouth and watching JJ slowly unravel above you brings you some form of sadistic happiness. Soon one of JJ’s shaky hands lands on your shoulder.

“I’m gonna cum baby, y-you sure you can take it all in your mouth?” He asks, his eyes looking desperate for relief. You nod instantly, you crave to feel him cum in your mouth. You continue to quickly suck him off, taking him as far into your mouth as you can before you feel one of JJ’s hands hold your head in place on his cock. You feel his body shudder before JJ is cumming in hot spurts down your throat and by the time you pull off of him, your thighs are slick with your arousal.

“Fuck baby.” JJ sighs happily, reaching down to pull you up and onto the bed next to him. His eyes are half lidded as he looks over at you, a happy smile spread across his face. You suddenly feel kind of shy even though you just had his cock in your mouth like 2 minutes ago. He leans up on his elbows and presses a kiss to your forehead before standing to find his clothes.

“You’re leaving?” You can’t hide the disappointment in your voice.

“Just to the living room baby. I’m so fucking tired and John B will kill me if he sees me in here with you.” JJ laughs nervously and as much as you hate it, he’s right. John B would probably punch JJ if he caught him in here with you. You feel a strange sense of pride upon realizing it was you that wore JJ out. You smile as he leans down to press a long hard kiss to your lips. JJ sends you a wink before checking that the coast is clear so he can slip out into the hallway.

“John B is going to kill JJ, you know that right?” Pope said as you made your way to the HMS Pogue, where your brother was patching a hole in the bottom. You forced Pope to accompany you as you told John B about you and JJ, just in case he went after JJ. You nearly had to tie your boyfriend up to prevent him from joining you, and while you love that he wants to be here- it’s safer for him if he isn’t.

“No, because you won’t let him. Right?” You ask, turning to look at Pope with an eyebrow raised. Pope sighed, he knew this was a bad idea. A really bad idea, but luckily you managed to convince JJ to stay in the Chateau. You seemed to be the only person who could tame JJ, and the only person who could talk sense into him.

“Right.” Pope agrees as you two finally stop behind John B, who is crouched in the HMS Pogue. You swallow a nervous lump in your throat, only opening your mouth to speak when Pope encouragingly elbows you.

“Heya Johnny.” You say happily, using a nickname John B only lets you use. John B turns with a suspicious glint in his eyes, that feeling only being confirmed further when he sees Pope standing next to you.

“What is it?” He asks, and you know there’s no point in delaying the inevitable.

“There’s something I should probably tell you.” You sigh, sitting on the edge of the boat next to him. John B leans back from you, almost as if he’s bracing for whatever you’re about to say. His eyes flicker to Pope again.

“I swear to God if you got my sister pregnant-”

“Ew no! Pope is just here for...protection.” You say carefully, watching confusion dawn on John B’s face. Pope’s face scrunches up.

“Protection? You scared of me?” You see genuine concern in his eyes so you quickly shake your head.

“No! No of course not, just ignore him. You’ll understand why he’s here soon.” You say, mumbling the last part. John B sits, patiently waiting for you to say whatever you need to say.

“JJ and I… we’re dating-”

“I knew it. JJ is fucking dead.” John B snaps, already standing from the boat. Luckily you brought Pope with you because almost immediately Pope is placing his palms on John B’s chest.

“Stop and listen.” He says forcefully, shoving John B backwards lightly. Begrudgingly, John B sits back down next to you.

“You’re not allowed to be mad at JJ.” You say, watching as John B refuses to meet your eye. He is mad, and that’s completely unfair.

“He’s macking my sister. Not cool.” John B snaps, and you roll your eyes.

“I made the first move! You’re not allowed to be a jerk about this Johnny. I really care about JJ.” You say sincerely, finally drawing John B’s eyes to yours.

“Y/N, JJ is my best friend and I love him but it’s not you I’m worried about. I know you like JJ, and I know you’ll stay committed to him. I just don’t know if you can trust him not to break your heart. I don’t know if JJ will stay committed to you.” He says firmly, looking into your eyes. You know John B thinks JJ is going to cheat on you, but you don’t believe that for a second.

“He will, he cares about me Johnny.” You insist and John B rubs a hand down his face. John B knows that deep down JJ does care about you, and that he has every intention of being loyal to you. But at the end of the day he knows JJ, and he knows eventually JJ is bound to fuck up and make a really big mistake. One you won’t be able to forgive, and then what happens to the pogues when that happens? This is why there’s no pogue on pogue macking.

“Let me talk to JJ.” John B says, and you share a nervous look with Pope.

“Only if Pope is there to make sure you don’t punch him.” You say, crossing your arms firmly. After a moment of thinking, John B nods.

“Alright fine.” You watch the two of them stand and make their way into the Chateau, and you can only hope you don’t hear yelling soon.

“Hey John B.” JJ says nervously, throwing on a smile at the end once he sees John B come in through the front door. John B says nothing as he sits at the kitchen table, and he gestures to the chair next to him. JJ hesitantly lowers himself into the chair, watching with nervous eyes as Pope hovers behind John B. Just in case he lunges at JJ.

“My sister JJ?” John B groans after a few minutes of tense silence. JJ licks his lips nervously, keeping his eyes off John B.

“I swear it happened out of nowhere!” JJ says instantly, bracing for the moment that John B decides to take a swing at him.

“I promise I’m not going to hurt her.” JJ says after John B doesn’t say anything, and John B lifts his eyes to meet JJ’s.

“She really cares about you JJ. I’m not kidding, she’s really serious about you.” John B says, looking directly into JJ’s eyes. JJ can’t fight the small smile as it stretches across his face, you’re serious about him?

“She is?” He asks, and it’s just now that John B sees the genuine joy on JJ’s face.

“Yeah man, I could see it when she told me. She will be devastated if you screw this up, you’ll mess her up JJ.” John B snaps, wanting more than anything to protect you from getting hurt. That’s why he told you not to ever date JJ, and yet here we are.

“I��m not going to screw this up John B, I would never hurt her. I’m just as serious about her as she is about me.” JJ snaps, feeling frustrating bubbling in his chest.

“Good.” John B says, standing from the table. The tense look has left his face, but he still doesn’t look very happy.

“Oh and JJ?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell me if you sleep with Y/N, I don’t want to know.” He says, wincing uncomfortably. JJ gives him a thumbs up, not looking back as John B exits the Chateau.

Soon enough the next pogue party was in full swing at the boneyard, and this time you were most definitely in the partying mood. You tilted your beer bottle back, watching your boyfriend play hacky sack with Pope. It was nice to finally be public about your relationship with JJ, you don’t have to suffer through watching JJ flirt with other girls anymore. For the first few days after you told him, John B all but ignored JJ. He was slowly starting to come around, you knew he couldn’t be mad forever. The bonfire was tall, and from across the fire you could feel Rafe’s eyes on you. Rife paid a lot of unwanted attention to you, although you’re pretty sure it’s only because he wants to annoy John B. Like he wants to give John B the ultimate ‘screw you’, by sleeping with you. You can only hope he doesn’t say or do anything tonight because if he does, JJ is going to go ballistic.

“Nice swimsuit.” Almost as if on cue, you hear Rafe’s voice to your right and you sigh.

“Thanks.” You say dismissively, trying your best to get him to leave before John B or JJ notice. Rafe sits down next to you, too close for comfort. You hold your breath as you subtly tuck your legs a little closer to your body. Rafe either doesn’t care that you’re inching away from him or he hasn’t noticed.

“Need another drink?” Your beer is just about empty, and you could use another drunk. But you wouldn’t trust anything Rafe gets for you, you’d never drink it.

“No that’s okay, I’ll just have JJ get me one later.” You say with a smile, noticing the tense smile cross onto Rafe’s face.

“I can get you one now, no big deal.” Rafe stands up and takes a step towards the coolers when you speak up again.

“N-no Rafe it’s fine really. I don’t want to drink right now anyway.” You insist with a smile and Rafe shrugs, but he sits back down next to you. This time closer than he was before.

“Seen you hanging around JJ a lot lately, there a thing between you two?” Rafe asks, his tone tense and his posture almost threatening. Your eyes land on JJ again, who is further from the fire than last time you looked. He’s laughing with Pope and Kiara about something, thank God he hasn’t noticed Rafe yet.

“Yeah actually JJ is my boyfriend.” You say with a tight lipped smile. Rafe nods slowly, a far more irritated look on his face.

“Boyfriend. So you’ll date that pogue trash but won’t give me one chance?” Rafe’s tone is suddenly hostile, as is his body language. You swallow thickly, feeling very defensive of JJ.

“JJ isn’t trash, and I never gave you a chance Rafe because you’re an asshole.” You snap, moving to stand when you feel his hand curl around your upper arm tightly. You try to remain calm, but the urge to panic is growing stronger as Rafe keeps his hand curled around your arm.

“What is it about him Y/N? How on Earth is a piece of shit like JJ Maybank better than me? Does he fuck you good? Is that it?” Rafe hisses in your ear, his voice even which makes him sound more threatening.

“Rafe please let go.” You squeak, feeling him yank your back more flush to his chest.

“I’ll bet he fucks you nice and deep huh? Is that what you like most about him?” Rafe breathes against your neck as his head moves closer to you. Feeling like you’re going to have a panic attack, you try to pull away from Rafe again. When he doesn’t let you go you know what you have to do, even though it’s going to cause a scene.

“JJ!” You feel tears pushing at the backs of your eyes, Rafe’s grip only releasing lightly. From his spot a little ways from where you are, JJ hears your voice. When his gaze finds you, his fists curl and all he sees is red. In a few long strides, JJ is standing behind you two swinging his fist into Rafe’s right cheek. Rafe stumbles away from you, releasing his grip on your arm. You stand and immediately scramble behind JJ.

“Get your fucking hands off my girl Rafe.” JJ snaps, his eyes narrowed and his body language tense. One wrong move from Rafe will result in a violent outburst from JJ. Rafe wipes away the blood from his lip, smiling smugly at JJ. Rafe wanted to piss him off, and it worked.

“I dunno she seemed to be enjoying it.” Rafe shrugged and your eyes widened.

“Yeah? Then why did she call for me if she was enjoying your company so much?” JJ spat back, pacing around Rafe like a caged animal.

“Lets just say you might be used to her calling out your name in pleasure but don’t worry, that’ll change. Soon, she’ll be moaning my name.” Rafe smirks, and JJ lurches forward. In an instant your arms are curled around JJ’s chest, pulling against him as hard as you can. Unfortunately JJ towers over you, so it’s like trying to move a brick wall.

“Baby just forget it, he’s only trying to piss you off.” You say softly, still trying to pull JJ away from Rafe even though you’re not strong enough to move him. JJ’s eyes are locked onto Rafe, almost like a predator looking at its prey. His jaw is clenched, and so are his fists. Curled and ready to throw punches.

“Yeah JJ just forget it, I’ll make sure to fuck her so good she forgets all about you. I’ll fuck her so good the only thing she remembers is how my dick feels inside her.” Rafe says, clearly trying to egg JJ on. This time JJ is pushing out of your arms to punch Rafe again.

“Stop!” You yell as Rafe lands a hit on JJ’s left cheek. Suddenly John B is pushing through the crowd to yank JJ away from Rafe, positioning himself between the two. Topper comes behind Rafe to start pulling him away from the fight, while John B does the same with JJ.

“Go back to the Chateau, now.” John B snaps at JJ, who chucks his beer can at a fallen tree in anger. The beer can explodes open and sprays a few people before JJ is storming for the house, with you close behind.

“JJ?” You start cautiously, he’s a few steps ahead of you. JJ doesn’t respond, and from his quick pace and the way he keeps curling and uncurling his fists lets you know just how pissed off JJ is. He remains silent the entire way to the Chateau, and he slams the door open when he goes inside.

“JJ.” You say again as you follow him to your bedroom, and once inside he begins to pace back and forth. You can feel the anger practically radiating off of him.

“Let me see your arm.” JJ demands, and you quickly give him the arm Rafe was holding. There’s a slight bruise on your upper arm, and while it doesn’t hurt you can hear JJ growl under his breath.

“He fucking bruised you?” He seethes, his eyes flickering towards the door.

“Let it go, just forget it baby. Please.” You plead, placing your hands on his chest to stop him from moving. Even though you couldn’t actually stop him if he wanted to go somewhere, he was way stronger than you.

“How am I supposed to just forget it Y/N? Did you even hear what he was saying about you? I’m going to fucking kill him.” JJ nearly yells and you reach up to cup his cheeks in your hands.

“Because Rafe can say whatever he wants. The only name I will ever be moaning is yours JJ. The only person who has ever seen me naked is you, and nobody else will ever see me like that. You’re the only person who will get to have sex with me, Rafe can do nothing but dream.” You say softly, watching the anger begin to simmer out of his eyes.

“JJ you’re my first everything. First real relationship, first person to see me naked, my first love, and the man I’m going to give my virginity to. Rafe will never have any of those things, no matter how hard he tries.” You say, watching as an unreadable look crosses onto JJ’s face.

“You love me?” His eyebrows are furrowed, and the tension has left his shoulders by now. You swallow thickly before smiling up at him softly.

“Yeah, I love you JJ.” You whisper, hoping to God that he says it back. JJ looks stunned for a few seconds before a wide boyish grin splits across his face.

“I love you baby, so fucking much.” JJ breathes before his arms wind around your waist and he presses his lips to yours. The kiss is slow and passionate, his tongue immediately pressing past your parted lips. You mewl against his lips as his hand slides down your back to cup your ass. Your hands grab at his shoulders as JJ lifts you from the ground so that your legs can wind around his waist. He nips at your lower lip as he gently presses your back against your bedroom door. Your lips move languidly against him and when you feel heat simmering in your lower belly, you grind your hips against his.

“JJ,” you gasp as you pull back from him. JJ’s lips immediately latch onto your neck, sucking at the pulse point lightly drawing a moan from you. “I wanna do it now, I’m ready.” You gasp but your statement causes him to pause.

“You sure baby? We can wait-” He starts but you cut him off with a kiss.

“I love you JJ Maybank, and I don’t want to wait anymore. I wanna do it right now, please?” You lean closer to his ear, biting gently at his earlobe before you whisper one more thing.

“Make me yours.” JJ groans lowly before he presses his lips to yours again. JJ’s hands don’t know where to touch first, there’s so much uncharted skin for him to feel. He starts by pulling your bikini top off, revealing your bare breasts to him. He leans his head down to take a nipple in his mouth, and you whine softly. JJ lifts you more firmly again before walking you to the bed and laying you back on it. His mouth returns to your nipple, his other hand coming up to cup your other breast. He laves your nipple with his tongue before kissing across the expanse of your chest to give your other nipple the same attention. With his free hand, JJ snakes his arm down your body to pull your bikini bottoms off. He slides his hand down a little further and runs two of his fingers through your folds.

“Already so wet baby.” JJ groans against your skin, his mouth trailing kisses down your body as he moves down. He presses light kisses to your hip bones, causing your body to jolt and you to whine as you try to shift your hips towards his face. JJ smiles as he places light kisses along your upper thighs, drawing soft moans from your lips.

“Every sound you make is music to my ears.” JJ says, his voice even and collected. JJ was willing to wait as long as it took for you to feel comfortable, but he’d be lying if he said part of him wasn’t dying for this. You spread your thighs apart wider for him as he kisses all the way up to where you need him most. You wiggle your hips impatiently when he presses kisses around your clit, but never quite lands there.

“JJ please,” You beg, your firsts curling around the sheets as he smirks at you from between your legs. JJ hooks his arms around your thighs before yanking your body down, causing his mouth to collide with your pussy. His lips curl around your clit and you cry out, your back arching as your fingers wind into his hair. You’re whining loudly as his tongue laps at your clit, and licks long lines up your entrance.

“Oh my God that feels so good J,” you moan, nearly in tears from the amount of pleasure you feel already. JJ feels wave after wave heading straight for his cock, every time you moan or beg for him, it just takes him a little higher. He loves hearing how badly you need him. Gently JJ reaches a hand up, prodding a finger at your entrance. You whine nervously, fear shining in your eyes.

“Trust me baby, might pinch a little but I promise it’s gonna feel really good.” JJ says, waiting for your approval before he continues. You bite your lip and nod slowly, leaning your head back to relax your entire body. Carefully, JJ begins to push his pointer finger into your tight opening. It burns a little bit, and you squeeze your eyes shut when he gets to the knuckle and swiftly pushes past it. You cry out in pain a little, but JJ is right there to press loving kisses to your thighs and whisper reassuring words into your skin. You feel JJ slowly pull his finger out, and when he slides it back in you moan softly in pleasure. Your face slowly relaxes as your mouth falls into an ‘o’ shape, another moan pushing past your lips. JJ continues to slowly pump his finger into you, wrapping his lips around your clit once more.

“Fuck you’re so beautiful baby.” JJ whispers, his eyes shamelessly trailing up and down your body. JJ curls his finger inside you a little, watching as your back arches ever so slightly, and a soft moan tumbles past your lips.

“Gonna add another finger baby, just one more to stretch you a little for my cock.” JJ says softly, and sure enough he’s gently working another finger into you. You stretch a little more, the feeling causing a hiss of pain to emit from you. JJ presses soft kisses to your stomach as he pumps two fingers into you, and your fingers grasp at the sheets tightly.

“Oh God, I think I’m close J!” You cry out, your eyes squeezed shut and your head thrown back. JJ continues to pump his fingers into you at a steady pace, breathing softly against your skin and his eyes never leave yours. You moan a little louder when JJ’s mouth curls around your clit again and with one flick from his tongue, you’re cumming all over his face with a soft cry from your lips. JJ pulls back with the biggest, dumbest smile on his face before he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Shit, you’re so fucking sexy.” JJ groans, leaning over you to press his lips against yours. You moan a little when you taste yourself on his lips before you’re tugging at his clothes. JJ leans back on his heels to yank his shirt over his head, followed by his swim trunks. Your mouth finds his again as your arms wind around his shoulders.

“D-do you have a condom?” You whisper and JJ offers a wink before he’s reaching over the edge of the bed for his shorts. He digs through the pockets before pulling out a condom in silver foil packaging. You feel your nerves building again, and you shy away from him. You turn your head to avoid looking at him, but he hooks a finger under your chin to turn your head.

“You’re fucking beautiful. You sure you’re ready for this?” He asks, concern in his eyes as he tries to study your face for any signs of you changing your mind.

“I’m ready JJ.” You whisper and he presses a kiss to your forehead before ripping open the condom wrapper. He reaches down to roll the condom down his pulsing shaft and you spread your legs under him, trying to get comfortable. You feel the head parting your lips and you squeeze your eyes shut when he stops.

“Try to relax okay? It’s gonna hurt so just tell me to stop if it’s too much.” JJ says, and you can hear the concern in his voice. You nod as you wrap your arms around his torso, releasing a deep breath to let your muscles relax fully. Gently, JJ begins to push into you and the burn is immediately intense. You whimper in pain, burying your face into his neck as he slowly works his cock into your tight heat. JJ is using every ounce of self control he has to not pound into you, the tightness of your cunt is suffocating.

“Holy shit, you’re fucking tight. Christ.” JJ groans, his forehead pressing against yours as he continues to slide inch by inch into you. Eventually JJ hits your hymen, but he doesn't move.

“Once I break your hymen, you’re not a virgin anymore and I will be the guy that popped your cherry. You okay with that?” JJ asks, and you marvel how coherently he’s speaking, you can barely think straight with his cock half inside you. You nod but JJ doesn’t move.

“Words please.” JJ won’t continue without verbal consent.

“Yes JJ, you’re the only person I ever want to have sex with. Please take my virginity J.” You gasp, hoping that the intense burning subsides soon. JJ winds his arms around your back tightly while pressing kisses against your neck, and with one sharp thrust he’s breaking your hymen and sliding the rest of the way into you. You gasp, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes as you press your face into JJ’s neck.

“You okay baby?” He gasps, the feeling of your pussy squeezing him is making him feel lightheaded. Being seated fully inside of you is almost too overwhelming, you’re so tight.

“J-Just give me a minute.” You gasp through tears, the pain is unbearable. But you grit your teeth and wait, and JJ doesn’t complain at all. He sits fully inside of you, using his arms to hold himself up, pressing gentle kisses into your neck until you’re ready.

“You’re so big JJ, fuck.” You gasp, feeling tingles shoot through you when he adjusted and slid out of you a few inches. You moan, and JJ groans softly at the sound.

“Please move JJ, slowly.” You say softly, and slowly JJ pulls his hips back before sliding all the way back in. You moan again, and JJ swears under his breath. JJ continues to thrust sweetly into you, being sure not to go too fast so that he doesn’t hurt you. Your eyes are squeezed shut as he moves inside you, and the feeling is downright heavenly, even with the little twinges of pain. You gasp and moan softly against him, loving the feeling of his breath against your neck. JJ’s eyes are squeezed shut as he feels you hugging his cock just right.

“Jesus baby, you feel so fucking good.” JJ praises and you moan softly, turning your head to press your lips against his. Your lips move against JJ’s, your nails leaving angry red claw marks down his back. You feel that coil winding tighter and tighter in your abdomen, and all you can do is cling desperately to JJ.

“I love you JJ.” You cry out, your body arching into his when his thumb rolls your clit. JJ speeds up a little bit, his tip ramming into your g-spot. JJ bent down to press a sweet kiss to your lips before he leans up over you, his hands on your hips.

“I love you baby,” JJ groans, his head tossing back as you clamp down around him. Before you even have time to warn him, you’re gushing around his cock, your body spasming as you cum. JJ pumps into you a few more times before you clench around him again and he cums, catching himself with one hand so he doesn’t fall on top of you when he cums into the condom. You’re panting as JJ gently pulls out of you, seeing you wince in pain. He throws the condom into the trash can before sliding into bed next to you. JJ opens his arms and pulls you against his chest, pressing a kiss against your head.

“So uh, how’d I do? I’ve never taken someone’s virginity before. Was it okay?” JJ asks, and you can hear the anxiety in his voice. You turn in his arms to press your lips against his.

“It was amazing, you were amazing baby.” You reassure, nuzzling his nose with yours before you’re eventually pulled to sleep.

The next morning, JJ decides to let you sleep in. You’re probably going to be sore anyway, and when he heads out to help John B with the boat, he ignores the look he gets from Kiara. The ‘you look like you had sex with John B’s sister last night’ look. JJ approaches the boat, and takes a wrench before moving to look at the engine. As the day goes on, the sun rises higher and higher and like JJ always does- he takes his shirt off when the heat becomes too much.

“JJ?” John B’s voice is tense, and JJ’s shoulder’s go rigid as he turns.

“What’s up John B?”

“What the hell happened to your back?” John B asks, although he unfortunately already knows the answer. JJ, who completely forgot about how you desperately clawed at his back last night, peeks over his shoulder and sees the nail marks all down his back.

“Well, uh-”

“I’m going to fucking kill you JJ!”

“I’m sorry! You said not to tell you and technically I didn't!”

#jj maybank smut #jj smut #jj maybank #jj mayback x reader #jj x reader #outer banks #outer banks smut #pope heyward #john b routledge #kiara carrera #rafe cameron

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