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d-criss-news · 3 years

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The Glee star and Emmy winner for The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, Darren Criss, 34, will be releasing his first album of Christmas songs, titled A Very Darren Crissmas (October 8). It includes duets with Adam Lambert, Evan Rachel Wood and an original song, “Drunk on Christmas,” featuring Lainey Wilson.

What was your goal with this Christmas album?

To reintroduce familiar songs in a new way. But I also wanted to take lesser-known songs and make those feel more familiar. And, most importantly, I wanted to take songs that people don’t associate with Christmas but I do—like Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”—and try to make them feel like Christmas songs.

What inspired you to write “Drunk on Christmas”?

It’s about the end of Christmas when everything’s been done. There’s wrapping on the floor, you’ve cleaned things, the in-laws have left and there’s nothing else to do. It’s two people having a sit-on-the couch moment, sipping a glass of cocoa with some SoCo [Southern Comfort] in it.

What is it about Christmas music? Why did you want to do the Christmas album?

Christmas or the holiday season is something that, whether we like it or not, we experience every year, and that comes with a litany of wonderful songs and music that again, whether you have been proactive about listening to it or not, it’s pretty hard to avoid. It’s permeated our cultural consciousness for our entire lives. So if you happen to be someone like me who consumes music at a hyperactive level, I’ve always adored Christmas music.

People say this because of the way that it makes them feel and the things that it reminds them of. There are so many layers to why people enjoy Christmas music. It’s nostalgic, it is very romantic, at least in the true dictionary meaning of the word romantic. And to me, I’ve always loved it for a much more anthropological reason, which is for one month or several weeks out of the year we suddenly subscribe to a certain sentiment that the other 11 we don’t really dial into. We want it all, then we want it to just go away.

What makes Christmas songs different?

As a musician I’ve always loved that Christmas music can employ certain musical elements that otherwise aren’t very popular. To me, it’s incredible that without a doubt the estates of many artists are guaranteed placement on the radio even though many of them have been deceased for many years. The pop charts are dominated by whatever contemporary, awesome artists there are nowadays, but in December you can guarantee that Burl Ives and Dean Martin will be on the radio with the best of them. I find that so charming. It’s because people really, really love this music.

And those songs don’t sound like the sounds that we’re hearing on the radio, sonically, harmonically, rhythmically. They employ a lot of “classic” sounds that evoke the feeling of Christmas. I’m a self-proclaimed genrephile—this is a term I use for myself throughout all the stuff that I do. I can’t help but be so enchanted by this idea that artists have license, and by license I mean an excuse to do things that you ordinarily wouldn’t be encouraged to do, or that audiences wouldn’t necessarily be as quick to absorb.

So, when you’re talking about classic Christmas writing, for lack of a better word, you use clichéd Christmas terminology, you use certain chords, and harmonies, and instrumentations that you just wouldn’t do throughout the year. It leans on the slightly more sophisticated, slightly more musical, and that is really exciting for someone like me.

How much does the fact that your last name is Criss play into this?

If you play music and your last name is Criss, every year someone says, “You know what you should do?” as if they’re the first person who’s ever thought of this idea. So I’ve always wanted to do this; it was just a matter of time. And I also didn’t want it to be phoned in, I didn’t want it to seem like, “Oh, here’s some songs that you know already.”

I wrote this in my liner notes that my favorite thing to do with art, but particularly music, is curate, interpolate, create and personalize. That’s my main thing. I’m an OK singer, I’m an OK musician, but what I really think I have a yen for is trying to interpolate something new that people didn’t know before.

If you think about a song like “Jingle Bells,” it was not written for Christmas. It was a song from 200-something years ago that bears no mention of Christmas whatsoever, but we associate it so heavily with Christmas. Lately I hear Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” come up on Christmas playlists. I think it must have something to do with the Christian angle of the song and the reverence of the word “hallelujah,” but there’s no mention of Christmas.

So there’s a lot of different things that can make people feel like Christmas if you arrange it a certain way, and that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted this cocktail of songs that people didn’t know and I might be able to introduce to them in a really new, interesting way.

You duet with Adam Lambert, Evan Rachel Wood and Lainey Wilson. These people couldn’t be more different. How did you select your song partners for this?

Honestly, people are busy, so I leaned on friends of mine. The album is called A Very Darren Crissmas, and I wanted to make it just that. Songs that are very, very me, doing things that are very me, and using the talents of people who are legitimately in my life. Adam has been a pal for a long time. We’ve known each other from just adventures in Hollywood, but he, of course, was on Glee with me. Evan Rachel is a dear pal of mine; we’ve done some things together. She’s played my festival, and I’ve done comedy sketches with her and stuff. These are all extraordinarily talented singers. As I told them when I asked them to be a part of it, “I’d be very lucky to have you on this record.”

I had not met Lainey Wilson before I started this. But when you’re in Nashville, you are in the Olympic tent of USDA certified prime country singers. And that’s a bit of a blind spot for me as far as who’s on the up and up, who’s somebody that can really give a level of authenticity, legitimacy to a more classic ’50s Nashville sound, which is the song that I wrote called “Drunk on Christmas.” My producer Ron Fair, who has been living in Nashville for a while, suggested Lainey and we got on like a house on fire. She’s an extraordinary talent and I was happy to have her. These were all people that were part of this grassroots friend to friend thing. That’s how I got them and I’m very lucky that they’re on the record.

There are hundreds of Christmas songs. How did you choose what to include?

Choosing was extremely hard. I had a list of about 100 songs. I’m not done; this record is only phase one in my mind. There are so many songs that it will make your head spin. If you go, “Did you think about this song?” The answer is yes, and I absolutely had to deliberate which ones I had to triage out of the sequence.

I even said no to “The Christmas Song,” which is on the album. I didn’t want to do it because I was like, “Everybody knows it; it’s perfect by Nat King Cole,” and Mel Tormé [who wrote it] is one of my favorite artists of all time, much less songwriters and musicians. So I was like, “I don’t want to have to do that.” And on the day when we were there, we just had a guitar and said, “Let’s just do it for fun,” because I love singing that song. But I was like, “It’s been done perfectly too many times, I really don’t want to have to put myself up against that.” But we had a nice take, it’s live in the room. And hey, come on, it’s Christmas. So I left it on there.

If we were to come to your house during the holidays, what would you be listening to?

I’d probably sit you down and play you my favorite songs that you’ve never heard that I think are great Christmas songs. But what’s nice is I’ve now put those songs on this album, hopefully, in a perhaps delusional effort to standardize these songs in the Christmas pantheon. There has to be an air of delusion to being an artist in the first place. If one of these songs that no one’s ever heard before catches on with a family or a person and becomes part of their Christmas playlist every year, then I will have succeeded in my efforts.

What did the Emmy you won for The Assassination of Gianni Versace do for your career?

Although the Emmy has just my name on it, the number one thing that I’m most proud of is it’s more symbolic and representative of the work of the whole team. It is a validation and celebration of the really hard work of people that I spent a lot of time and energy with creating this role.

You have a couple voice roles coming up—in Trese and Yasuke—but what are we going to see you in next, not just hear you?

I don’t know. Let me know if there’s any opportunities. A huge reason for why this album was made was because I had the time. Making records takes a lot of time, and I’m envious of people who are just singers. I don’t know how people do that, that’s just not who I am. I’m a producer, I’m a writer, I’m a musician. It takes so much out of me to make a body of music because someone doesn’t say, “OK, here are the songs, show up on a Tuesday, you sing it and then you leave.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Some of my favorite artists can do that and are blessed enough to be able to just do that. I can’t.

It takes so much time for me to really get in the weeds, arrange, edit vocals, edit instrumentation, mix tracks, really getting in the jungle of music production. I can’t function any other way and that takes an extraordinary amount of time. Even when there was a global pandemic, I still had deadlines that we could barely make to finish this album because that’s just how my brain works.

So I haven’t been able to act. I haven’t had an acting job in almost two years. That’s not entirely true. I’ve had little bit things during the pandemic, but no big series or films or anything like that. It’s just been mostly working from home and being as proactive as I can be. I started a weekly podcast with a friend of mine, I put out an EP. I’ve been extremely busy with high output and low visibility. I’m waiting for the next thing, but I’m not one to sit still. If you give me time, I’m going to fill all the spaces out. So I did that with music this past two years.

Are you going to go back to Broadway now that it’s opening again?

I don’t want to say anything that is not perhaps confirmed 100 percent, but I will say with full confidence that I have always had the intention of going back exactly where we started. I’ll let them announce what’s happening because every show is in its own unique holding pattern. But, yes, right before the shutdown I was doing American Buffalo in New York, and talk about the actor’s dream, that is right up there. Doing a great American play that I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve had a long history with that show, and I finally get to do it for real with two of my favorite actors—Sam Rockwell and Laurence Fishburne. They are two acting heroes of mine.

So I was in rehearsals for that. We were about to go into tech, and things got shut down. But we’re in a very fortunate position where you’ve got two huge movie stars, you have a very well-known play and you have a fixed set and just three guys. There are musicals that have orchestras, big choruses and huge set pieces, and the overhead and upkeep of these productions is quite complicated. And a lot of them, for that reason, fell by the wayside during the pandemic, and it’s an awful tragedy. But our set and our billboard and our posters are exactly where we left them. It’s kind of a trip. If you go to Circle in the Square, I keep telling people it’s the longest I’ve ever been on Broadway because it’s just sitting there dormant, waiting to be resurrected.

I think all of us are planning on going back. I think the show is scheduled to reopen almost to the day that it was supposed to open in 2020. We’ll see how the schedule ends up, but you have three guys whose heart and soul is the theater. I don’t want to speak for the other two guys, but I’m almost positive that all three of us would rather be doing that play on Broadway than anything else. So when I say I haven’t had an acting gig in two years, it’s been a comfort to know that that was waiting for me on the other end. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that we’ll be able to do it. We’ll have to make sure that everything is hunky-dory with theater audiences, et cetera, et cetera, but that’s the idea.

How did Ryan Murphy casting you in Glee change your life?

I said during my Emmy speech that actors are only as good as the moments they get. I used to say actors are only as good as the parts they get. Take that with a huge grain of salt, obviously, it’s not entirely true. But in context of that moment, certainly you can understand what I meant. Acting is a proactive craft, but in many respects it’s a passive career, where you have to hope and wait for a benefactor, a patron, a supporter to say, “OK, all right, kid, you’re up. I think you can do it.”

I think any artist’s life is a constant compromise between knowing what you can do and what you want to do, and having other people, audiences and creative authorities alike, have an idea of what you can do. You have to have that balance of somewhere in the middle, where hopefully you can rise to an occasion that you know you can do, that somebody’s going to give you the opportunity to do. But you’re not in control of that relationship, and so you have to sit and hope and pray that someone is going to give you that moment and that opportunity. That was something that I’m fully indebted to with Ryan.

Because he did say, “All right, kid, you’re up,” and gave me that shot. We talked about the The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story series for years before we did it. I didn’t think he was ever going to do it. By the time we started shooting, he probably mentioned it to me three or four years prior. And I kept asking about it like, “Hey, you still want to do this thing?” I think he was just always obsessed with the fact that I was half Filipino and that I bore a certain resemblance to the guy. Age and everything, it seems pretty spot-on. But he was a man of his word, and he really did end up making it. So I’m incredibly indebted to him and I’ve always been very effusive about that.

Now that you have this modicum of fame, what would you like to use it to accomplish?

For me, there are so many things that I love in this world that I don’t think other people are familiar with. One of the things about having a modicum of a platform is hopefully embracing that to use it as a gateway drug for stuff that people might not be familiar with. I don’t know if they’re going to like it as much as I do, but I’m looking at this track list and there are songs that I guarantee that you don’t know.

These are all things where I go, “OK, I have this moment of people’s attention, hopefully, this is a fun way to have them have eyes on something that I think is deserving of eyes, and not because of me, but because of other people who have made something amazing.” And, hopefully, they have the same proactive curiosity that I had growing up where I look at the liner notes and see who wrote the songs and where they came from. But we’ll see. We’ll see if people have that reaction.

You’ve accomplished so much. What’s the dream going forward?

The dream is to keep doing me, really. I think all you can do is be as true to yourself and try and do as accessible and as valuable work as you can. And, hopefully, in so doing, represent people, giving them visibility and encouragement towards their own place in the cultural conversation.

#darren criss #parade magazine #a very darren crissmas #press #oct 2021

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jacnaylor · 3 years

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a list of cover songs that are actually good (i've probably forgotten loads because this is just off the top of my head. also now im thinking i should do a worst covers list as well lmao)

hurt by johnny cash (i mean lets just get this out the way first since it's one of the greatest covers of all time. originally by nine inch nails)

running up that hill by placebo (originally by kate bush)

zombie by bad wolves (originally by the cranberries. one of the most iconic and incredible rock/protest songs. in my opinion nothing can ever match dolores's voice however this one does something new and was endorsed by dolores before her death - she was going to work on the song herself actually. i have heard so many shitty covers of this song i must know what im on about by now. like you can't touch this song but this one is like actually pretty good and you should only ever hear these two versions. the others just don't GET IT. also the vid for this cover will make u cry)

the sound of silence by disturbed (originally by simon and garfunkel. thank god they reminded us to do something different with a cover)

i believe in a thing called love by delta goodrem (originally by the darkness. right look DELTA GOODREM IS SO UNDERRATED. the only valid 'soft piano cover version' because she goes off at the end and also she's just generally incredible. can't wait to get married and play this at my wedding frankly. when the bell goes off in the last chorus i mean HELLO)

hallelujah by brandi carlisle (yes, that hallelujah. how come i hear so many boring (white man) covers of this song and no one talks about what is, in my opinion, the best cover of this song? the raw emotion! i don't need to hear any more covers of this song in my life time, but this one can stay. oh original by leonard cohen too i guess)

basket case by alanis morisette (originally by greenday. alanis stepped in for the band last minute when billy joe was struggling and she decided not to sing her own music but to sing this and to dedicate it to him. also thanks to this list i found out she did a ballad cover of my humps by the black eyed peas which is quite frankly a genius move)

i will always love you by whitney houston (originally by dolly parton. im mostly putting this on here because people forget that this is a dolly parton song. and i love dolly parton. LOVE her. but i also love the whitney version i just can't help it. i know this is a cliche one but you know what? idc)

tiny dancer by florence and the machine and stand by me by florence and the machine. oh also halo (by elton john and ben e king and then beyonce. how can this woman take some of the most romantic songs of all time and make them so beautifully and incredibly. she's a genius who's never had a bad song and can cover whatever she likes.)

don't let me down by dana fuchs (originally by the beatles. right SO GO AND WATCH THE MOVIE ACROSS THE UNIVERSE aka the beatles jukebox musical that this cover is from because every song in it is a good cover and i mean every single song.)

valerie by amy winehouse (originally by the zutons. i need to know if y'all non british people go absolutely mental when this comes on in a club or if that's just a british thing)

that time adele did the rap from monster on car pool kareoke

little mix covering anything. ok so to narrow it down go for like, cannonball or some of the katy perry covers, or their cover of falling. but basically they always get set cover challenges in interviews etc because they're known for always being able to cover songs and do them amazing every time. i just watched A 12 MINUTE COMPILATION VIDEO of them doing covers and every single one of them was a banger they have quite literally never done a bad cover and these girls have covered everything

#music #cover songs #songs #we're not just doing slowed down versions of toxic anymore ok #mine

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thistle-and-thorn · 3 years

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GRAVE OF THE FIREFLIES: Top five sad songs?

FROM UP ON POPPY HILL: Tell me about an experience that changed your life or your worldview.

MARY AND THE WITCH’S FLOWER: What is the last movie you watched? What are your thoughts on it?

PRINCESS MONONOKE: What elemental sign are you? (fire, earth, air & water) - you can tell me your actual sign and what you think you are because that also counts @_@

ooooh these are gooooodddd ones.

1. Oh! Just five? Ummmmm...A Bridge Over Troubled Water is the song, when i was in a toxic work situation, that i would play on loop during my 45 minute commute and cry hysterically to. The Parting Glass is legally required to be played at every Irish American's funeral. Danny Boy is...Danny Boy. My mom and I like to sit and sing together and this is always the last one. Please Take Me Home by the Bird and the Bee is very cathartic (that whole album actually). Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas straight up makes me BAWL every time I hear it. Because SOMETIMES THE FATES DON'T ALLOW. Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen--the Kate McKinnon version from Saturday Night Live was what got me through the Trump presidency. Is that five? More than five? Who cares.

2. Oh--lots of things. What springs to mind is being fifteen. And I heard the Bishop Tom Shaw preach about forgiveness. I still tear up a little when I think about him and the story he told. Especially because we didn't know it at the time but he had just been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and died shortly afterwards. That's the only change that has every been super immediate and not a process. Like I walked into that room as Person A and left as Person B.

3. Omg--I haven't watched many movies lately. Probably Coen Brothers' Tragedy of Macbeth. I am notoriously the only person in the world who really doesn't like the 2015 Fassebender Macbeth. ANYWAY this HEALED me. I thought the performances were excellent, the Witch(es) especially--extreme clarity of language, text-based directing choices (*side eyes 2015 Lady M sleepwalking scene*), quite traditional because we don't really need to dress up Shakespeare, actually. You could tell all the thanes APART. I thought the German Expressionist set design and lighting was AMAZING. I thought the role of Ross was a little uneven...but I like that they tried to do something different with the character. The more Shakespeare I see, the more I like interpretations that lean into the inherent theatricality of the plays. And that artificiality allows for the melodrama, for the over-the-top-ness that ultimately leads to emotional truth. Tied for first film adaptation with Patrick Stewart's 2011 (?) Macbeth.

4. Okay, I googled this because i didn't know what it meant. So apparently I'm earth so google says:

On a good day: Earth signs are grounded, loyal, and good at accumulating wealth. They tend to appreciate the finer things in life, such as good food and wine. They are sensual creatures. Earth signs are patient and practical.

On a bad day: Just as Earth signs can be loyal, they can also be stubborn and inflexible. It's often their way or the highway. Their love for material things can make them overly decadent and at times they can be lazy.

How to win them over: Give them food and wine. (OKAY THIS IS TRUE)

But I think I'm really more like water:

Theirs is the element of emotions. Water signs feel everything and can make wonderful artists because they are highly imaginative. They are very loyal and compassionate.

On a bad day: The sensitivity of water signs can make Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces easily hurt and they may take things too personally. They can also be moody and highly suspicious.

How to win them over: Tell them your darkest secret. (isn't this how we became friends?)

fuck this got long. sorry. WHAT ABOUT YOU?

#asks

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sunsetinmyvein · 4 years

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The Radio Station - Chapter Six - Why Can’t We Be Friends?

26th of November, 2018

Eventually, she saw it all unfold in the headlines. The lies. The heroin. The trip to rehab. It was devastating to discover the root cause of Matty’s behaviour in such a disconnected way from how she might’ve expected to discover it a few years ago. A part of her wanted to reach out, to check in and see if he was doing all right, offer to help, but she suspected after their last two interactions that maybe she was better off just leaving it. However, in contrast to the sinking feeling from knowing he had been going through such turmoil, it was incredibly uplifting to see him getting back on his feet. For him to be writing and releasing music again meant that he must’ve successfully made it to the other side. Whenever the announcement of a new album came, she waited in anticipation for the email confirming that he’d be coming back on the show. She wasn’t entirely sure if she was excited at the thought of seeing him again, or absolutely dreading the prospect of things still being uncomfortable between them - her emotions seemed to regularly flip flop between the two. It was awfully close to the album release date when she finally got the confirmation from her boss; she had begun to suspect maybe he didn’t want to come back on the show after how they’d left things. He’d have every right to resent her after how she’d treated him.

She was knocked out of her thoughts whenever she heard a soft knock at the door, turning in her chair to see Matty standing outside with a sheepish smile, having arrived early. His hair was cropped quite a bit shorter than she’d seen it before but he was still sporting his natural curls. He was wearing some puffy yellow coat over a plain shirt, and stock standard worn out blue jeans. It was probably the most… average, that she’d ever seen him look (not that average was ever a truly fitting word to describe Matthew Healy). She waited for him to push the door open and come in, but he seemed to be waiting for her to let him in. As she stood up and opened the door, and he gingerly made his way inside and loitered next to her desk for a minute, she was suddenly vividly reminded of the first time she’d met him. All she could see was the nervous twenty-three-year-old that she’d met six years ago, who was scared shitless about his first proper radio interview. The nostalgia hit like a freight train, and before she could give it a second thought she grabbed him in a tight hug.

He hugged her back, pressing his face into her shoulder as he let out the breath he had been holding. “I’m sorry…” She said quietly after a moment.

He gave an incredulous laugh at that, “You’re sorry? For what?” He asked. “I was the dickhead.”

“I just…” This hadn’t really been the way she expected herself to instantly react, nor had she thought of anything to say in this situation. Her mouth was running dry trying to come up with the right words to explain what she was feeling. “I wasn’t exactly a good friend.”

“I think we were both a bit guilty of that.” He chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair, taking a step back.

“I should’ve tried harder.” She tried to explain, frowning at herself as she floundered for the right sentiment.

“It’s fine, truly.” He reassured her. “I wouldn’t have told you what was happening, anyway. Nobody knew.” He added with a shrug.

They took their seats opposite the desk, both feeling slightly relieved but well aware there was still tension surrounding them. “Uh, is there anything you want me to avoid asking about?” She asked eventually, busying herself with checking the text line to avoid looking directly at him.

“No.” Matty replied instantly. “I’d prefer you ask what you want to rather than censor yourself for my benefit. I won’t answer it if it’s too much.” He clarified. “Thanks for checking, though.”

“Are you…” She hesitated, unsure of the boundaries of their friendship now and how much she should be asking for her own curiosity. “Are you all right now?” She asked as she looked across to him.

He cracked a small smile, “Considerably better. Probably not all the way there yet, though. It’s hard with my girlfriend back at home for the moment, but I’m managing. Keeping busy with other stuff to stay occupied.” He answered truthfully. She nodded in understanding. “And you? It’s been at least three years since we’ve had a proper conversation.” The realisation of how long it had actually been stung slightly, but she ignored that feeling and instead focused on the fact that he seemed to genuinely want to know how she’d been.

“Good.” She grinned. “Doing well on the morning slot now that it’s been a few years.”

“You’ve been making a bit of a reputation for yourself over here, I hear your name get kicked around a bit when I’m at home. It’s nice to see you getting proper recognition for your efforts.” She tried her best not to blush at the subtle compliment.

Thankfully she didn’t have too long to dwell on his kind words and any connotations behind them before the interview started. The nervous butterflies sat at the pit of her stomach as she switched the live audio and video feeds over, lying in wait in case the interview still felt as awkward and forced as the last two.

“Matty, great to have you back.” She spoke, clearing her throat slightly.

“Great to be back after so long.” He said cheerfully.

“The 1975 release their new record in six days, A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships-”

“Only six days?” He muttered to himself in slight disbelief.

“We’ve only got a relatively short interview today, because after this you are heading straight into the live lounge to play a few tracks for us.” He made a noise of agreement. “We’ve heard five singles off it, all of which sound very different from one another in true 1975 fashion.” Matty laughed lightly at that. “And I noticed that you did the same thing with this album as what you did with I Like it When You Sleep; the first single you released was the first track on the album. Is this becoming a habit for you guys?” She asked.

“Probably not a habit.” He started, letting out a huff. “It just felt like the most natural thing to do. Whether it felt like a primary statement or not, I’m not sure. We’d already made an album by that point, we hadn’t made a group of singles. I hadn’t been thinking ‘oh, how do we butter them up?’ Just thought… this is the first song on the record. Put it out.” He shrugged.

“Do you think this is your strongest record so far?”

“A hundred percent.” He answered instantly.

“I’ve heard people comparing it to OK Computer. Saying that it’s a similar thing for the millennial generation.” She prompted.

He let out a groan, “I try not to think much about it.” He admitted. “I mean, what do I say? It’s so humbling and amazing, but strange also, because… the only realisation that I really came to, about the record – I think the reference to OK Computer is maybe it’s kind of, the narrative is incredibly twinned with how we communicate and the internet and all those kind of things. Which is obviously OK Computer in a nutshell. My favourite records are about life.” He said, clenching his fist for emphasis and knocking the microphone lightly. “It’s maybe a bit of a big thing to say, but I was just writing a record about relationships. Well… I wasn’t even doing that; I was just writing a record. And it turns out if you’re trying to write an honest record about relationships and how they’re mediated in the modern day, you’re kind of by proxy writing about the internet.” He explained. Things already felt more natural than what they had of late. Matty felt more open and responsive, which instantly put her mind at ease.

“One of the other singles that we’ve heard from the album is Love It If We Made It, which is…” She tried to pick her words carefully to best capture her thoughts on the song succinctly, “a pretty powerful song to say the least.”

Matty nodded enthusiastically before answering, “The thing with Love It If We Made It… it was very, very difficult to write. It’s a list of information. The idea stemmed from the fact that over a year we collected tabloid newspapers every day to make the lyrics. Unfortunately, when we got to trying that, it was too slapstick. The song was hard to get right. It needed to be as objective and as fair and as anti… ‘watch out sheeple’ as possible. And that’s hard to do.”

“It seems you guys did a good job with it in the end. It’s been resonating well with our listeners.”

“Thanks.” Matty grinned proudly.

“It’s Not Living If It’s Not With You has also had quite the response.” She added, hoping he’d have a bit to say about that, and that maybe it could work as a segue to the questions blowing up her screen in her peripheral vision.

“It’s… I don’t know…” He sighed, staring blankly at the wall behind her as he tried to formulate an answer. “The way I always explain it, it’s like it’s a song that sounds poppy but it’s about something serious. Which, okay, that’s straight up 1975. And that’s because the feeling that I get from music, narratively or musically, can kind of be the same thing. You know like being nervous or being like, er, anxious for a date, physically could be the same feeling as the fear of heights if you get rid of all the intellect. Emotionally, you get the same thing. I’ve always been like, I get this feeling when I read the lyrics of Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen but I get the same carnal feeling when I hear the music to Girls Just Want to Have Fun. So… the synthesis of those ideas has just been the most obvious thing in the world for me, you know what I mean?” He looked across to her for confirmation. “I think that idea really sums up The 1975. If you’re a big fan of The 1975, that’s the most 1975-iest song on the record.”

She had hoped he would jump straight into the lyrical content of the song, but clearly she would need to segue into it herself. “That totally makes sense.” She agreed. “There’s been a bit of a debate about the subject matter of It’s Not Living.” She said, giving him a cautious glance. He’d said not to worry about asking whatever she wanted to, but that didn’t stop her from feeling like she was delving too deep into his private life.

He hummed thoughtfully. “I’m pretty sure most of the fans know what it’s about.” He said with a dry laugh. “I’ve not like… done some big reveal of my relationship with drugs over the past couple of years. I think that because…” He stared down at the desk with a frown, “I used to have nightmares about being exposed. Because remember, my whole game has always been that ‘do I know that you know that I think that I’m a rock star?’ that’s always been my whole thing.” He said with a pointed look. “So, the idea though, of actually being known for being a junkie and doing those kinds of things, used to terrify me. Because then I’m a cliché. I lose all of my irony and lose all of my funniness because I’m an actual cliché. So, I think even when I’m talking about it on this record, I’m still going ‘Danny ran into some complications-’ it’s like I’m using characters. It’s a bit like somebody going ‘I’ve got this mate, right, and he’s got a bit of this weird rash-’ “ He chuckled. “Like ‘yeah, all right, well tell your mate-’ it’s like we know who you’re talking about. I think the idea that I’m still trying to hide and remove myself from it is part of the gag. But then the chorus is brutally honest. It’s difficult to write a song like that. It’s hard to despise the idea of fetishizing or romanticising drug use as a behaviour but then only having my truth. Like I don’t have anything else, I don’t have anywhere else to talk about it. There is a hopelessness to drug addiction. You don’t keep doing it because it’s cool, you keep doing it because you feel like there’s no life without it.” His expression seemed to become quite sombre at that before he continued his train of thought. “And to express that… it wasn’t like a relief for me. The music is a catharsis for me, but it wasn’t like I needed to get that out. Unfortunately, I’m only my set of experiences, and they’re pretty limited as somebody who’s been on the road for four years trying to mediate his life through drug addiction, y’know? So yeah… it’s difficult to walk that line. Um… But I just had to make sure that… like with most of my work, any discussion of my behaviour is normally with a profound distaste. And kids are smart, man.”

She hadn’t really expected him to be so open about it so readily. “What started it?” She asked instinctually, almost forgetting for a moment that she was at work and meant to be providing entertainment. “If you don’t mind me asking.” She added as an afterthought.

He waved a hand dismissively at her worry. “I’d be on stage, and there would be however many thousands of people. And I’m genuinely trying to connect with people, you know? And then it’s done. Go back to the hotel room. Go to sleep. Like… what?” He answered with a frustrated huff. “I was trying to change culture in my head ten minutes ago and now I’ve gotta go to sleep? I used drugs to go to sleep primarily. I’ve never had a good relationship with sleep, anyway… I’ve always been jealous of people they’ll tell me about a dream and they’ll kind of like explain this little kind of film that they’ve been that has a dynamic of emotions and it was up and it was down and my dreams are just like terror. Just fear. I’ve never had that many good dreams. And drugs stop you dreaming. But then obviously… you have solutions to get rid of that post-show buzz. Didn’t really get me anywhere. Spoilt it, as well. Did way too much. Did loads of it.” He admitted. “So, I can’t do anymore of it… when I’m older.” He laughed.

“So, you became reliant on that as a comedown?” She questioned.

“It was always gonna happen with me with opiates.” He said bluntly. “I only say this in case people relate to it, but like, when I was younger, I kind of used to dream about being sedated. And unfortunately, sex, drugs, other things, religion, I’ve loved all these things in my life but they’ve never just-” He clicked his fingers, “turned it off. And unfortunately, when I tried those drugs, I – temporarily, for a moment – had that. And I was like, right, this is gonna help. And erm,” He picked at his nail anxiously. “It just takes your shine off, slows you down. Makes you lie, which is a nightmare for somebody who is so Mr Tell The Truth.”

“The lies are what got you caught?”

He made a noise of contemplation. “The problem is… I’m very, very lucky, is what I am. And I have an infrastructure around me of like… we’ve been a band since we were fourteen, I’m twenty-nine, right.” He said with a pointed look in her direction. “We’re like brothers, we love each other. I have amazing opportunities like this,” He gestured around the studio, “I have my health, I have all these things. There’s not a lot of people around me who allow stuff like… hard drug use. And that’s really annoying when you’re a drug addict. But it also makes you reflect, you know what I mean? Because you just end up lying, and being a version of yourself that- but that’s part of the sickness. You incentivise things weirdly.” He explained with a shrug.

“And the rehab centre you went to was in Barbados?” She asked. He nodded in response. “I heard that the band paid for that?”

His expression visibly softened when she brought that up. “Yeah. I think the nice story was that uh… Obviously, I’m in a fortunate place in my career that - obviously I have to think about those kind of financial things - but before I went I was kind of thinking ‘I’ll sort that out when I’m out there’ and then I remember saying to Jamie ‘oh-‘ and he was like ‘aw nah, nah, it’s all sorted’ and I was like ‘Oh, how much did it - what was it?’ and he was like ‘oh, well we just did it out the band’ and I was like ‘oh really??’ “ He seemed visibly touched by this story, even retelling it now.

“That was pretty amazing of them to do.”

“Yeah… Yeah, it was.” He muttered, still clearly caught up in his own thoughts. “And you know what, if you want a band to last forever, share.” He added simply.

“And this place you went to, supposedly they do a bunch of stuff with horses?” She asked in confusion. When she had heard this information, she was almost certain she had gotten her wires crossed, but Matty was already confirming what she had said.

“Equine therapy, yeah! It was, basically…” He started trying to explain, before cracking a smile and looking across to her. “In reality what it was, for the first two or three days was me stood in a field rolling my eyes next to a horse.” He said with a laugh. “That’s what it was really. This guy put me in a field with a horse and was like ‘talk to the horse’ so I’m like” He gave a sarcastic look, “ ‘…all right?’ So, he leaves me alone and I’m like ‘hey man’ and the horse obviously didn’t say anything.” She couldn’t help but laugh at the image. “And then he put me in the round pen, right. He put me in this pen which was just round – was a good explanation of it.” He reprimanded himself with a snort. “And I stood in the middle, and basically he said ‘I want you to walk towards the horse. It’s gonna send the horse around in a loop, and I want you to assert your position. You’re not going to get the horse. You’re just telling the horse that this is where you’re going’. All this stuff. So, I do it. And he goes ‘you’ll notice three things, at one point the horse will dip its head, then it’ll bow its ear to you, then it’ll start biting its lips. Once it’s done these three things, I want you to turn your back and drop the rope.’ So, I’m like right, lips, thing, do this, yep. And the horse is running, the horse is running, I watched for these three cues, and I dropped the rope and I turned round. The horse stopped dead.” He clapped his hands together for emphasis, staring at her seriously.

“I swear to you, it was one of the most profound moments of my life. The horse stopped dead, came over to me and stood behind me – and this is a horse that for three days had mugged me off. And I was… stood there with this horse, that now… wanted to be with me?” He seemed entirely perplexed by this. “Then when I walked it wouldn’t cross my feet,” He gestured to his feet as he said this, knocking his microphone in the process. “Sorry, I keep hitting the microphone. Way too gesticulated today. Erm, when I went into the field and hung out with it, it wanted to be with me. And then I stood there and was like ‘Ah… Right…’ Then all of these profound things… It was so…” He tried his best to find the words. “It ate everything it needed to eat, and didn’t complain about it, and didn’t eat too much of it, and ate the right stuff. It had the ability to destroy anything it wanted, but the desire to hurt nothing. It was physically perfect and strong. It was forgiving with its time with me. And it was kind of compassionate in a way, ‘cause he’s a horse, he doesn’t want me there, he just wants to be a horse. But he let me be there.” It was abundantly clear how much of an impact this experience had on Matty. He spoke about it so passionately that it was hard not to feel moved by what he was saying. “I found myself envying all of these human qualities in a horse. And I think that was the point of it…” He said with a look of finality. “At least, I hope that was the point of it. Otherwise I’ve screwed it up and learned nothing.” He laughed loudly. “But it worked for me.”

“How are you finding it? Being off the drugs?” She asked, leaning back in her seat after having been leant forward in interest for the last few minutes as he told his story.

He pulled a face as he tried to answer that in a manner suitable for a mass radio audience. “I mean… I wouldn’t say I’m this ‘beacon of sobriety’ “ He punctuated that with air quotes, “that’s kind of, telling you how it is to be an ex addict. I don’t know.” He answered sincerely. “I’ve not gone long enough. I’m not gonna start talking about ‘I haven’t done drugs in five years - ten years’ it was only a few months ago. I was still doing loads of them.” He said as he scratched at his neck.

“Is it harder now without them?”

“I don’t sleep as good as I used to with it, but I’m getting by.” He replied with a nod. “I’m all right with sleeping now. The band and my girlfriend have been really supportive and helpful. I’m doing all the things now that I used to do when I took drugs all the time. So, I’ve just made a record without doing it all the time,” He ticked that off on a finger, “so that was an experience, that was a challenge. I’ve now started touring without doing it all the time,” He ticked that off as well, “that’s an experience, that’s a challenge. I’m now about to start getting on planes all the time and touring internationally,” He added that to the list, “that’ll be a challenge. But you’ve just gotta take it day by day as the cliché says, or you’ll freak yourself out.”

“You talk about drugs pretty freely in your music, but you don’t really speak about it in interviews, was that to try and stay… disconnected from it to some degree? Did you think it was going to get as bad as it did?” She asked. She had entirely tuned out of the fan questions being sent in now, asking these questions almost purely from her own curiosity to know what had happened to the Matty she knew.

“No, no, no… I didn’t. I mean, I think the thing that I think I always have confidence in is that because I’ve – regardless of if it’s drugs or relationships - the main thing I’ve done with The 1975 is spoken about myself with kind of quite a profound disdain.” He answered. “There’s not really been a celebration of the behaviour. I think that if I was ever romanticising or fetishizing the use of drugs, I think I’d catch myself doing it. And if I ever have done that in a lyric, it will be immediately met with a lyric that shows that one up to be ironic or flawed.” He elaborated. That made sense. Most of his songs did reflect that attitude. “I’ve just had to be honest. Religion allows you to kind of give something away, sex, exactly the same thing. They’re just ways of giving up some kind of responsibility in the moment. But by that point I’d done ‘em all!” He grinned, still trying to keep the mood light despite the heavy topic. “Drugs was the only one left.”

She stared at him for a moment, just taking in all of the information he’d given her in such a short timeframe. It was a lot to process all at once, but it made a lot of the pieces click into place and answered a lot of questions that had kept her up at night when they had lost contact. Eventually she clocked back into reality, seeing that he was watching her just as intently as she had been watching him while he had divulged some of the most intimate aspects of his life.

“So, to a lighter note-” She segued.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind talking about it.” He said with a chuckle.

She smiled back at him, “I’m sure our listeners have enjoyed hearing it all in such great detail. But, there are some other big events that have been happening in your life as well that we haven’t brought up.” She said.

“Oh?”

“The 1975 will be headlining Reading and Leeds next year.”

“Yes!” He beamed. “It’s our first big headline festival. It gets me proper emotional. We didn’t just go as kids, after I got to thirteen, Christmas took a back seat and the date on my calendar was Reading and Leeds. I went one year with a tenner and no tent. I mean, I’ve had some moments there. It’ll definitely be a very humble show. All of this ego and confidence here will be gone.” He scoffed, “ ‘Honestly guys, thanks so much for coming.’ ” He said in a feigned blubbering emotional voice, before giggling at himself. “But like, we’ve just become a really good band in my opinion. I think we could headline Reading and Leeds tomorrow if you asked us to.”

“Are you particularly excited to have content off the new album to perform there?”

“Definitely. There are some songs on there that will be added into the festival setlists. It was about creating a distillation of what preceded it. Everything needed to be better, more extreme. Poppy bits poppier, heavy bits heavier, honest bits more honest.” He explained with a nod. “You can look at your work and be like ‘what did I do there that someone likes’ or ‘let’s try and do that piano thing’. Me, when I’m like, really personal, really honest, that’s when I get the best reaction. So, I just tend to do that. Like what’s gonna make me, y’know-“ He started pretending to tear up for emphasis.

“And you guys are already working on the next album, Notes on a Conditional Form? This one’s not even out yet!”

He just laughed. “We went away and what happened was, we finished A Brief Inquiry, kind of had a week off and then we started with Notes. I’m just letting it happen.” He shrugged. “I’m letting it happen in the next six months. It’ll be before…” He seemed to be doing some calculations in his head. “August. It has to be in time for Reading and Leeds.” He added decisively.

Glancing down at the clock on the screen next to her, she could see that they had in fact gone over time. “Well, as always Matty, it’s been lovely having you on the show, but I think we have to wrap it up so you can scoot over to the live lounge and get yourself set up.” She said with a small sigh, disappointed that the interview had to end after how well it had been going. Matty had felt entirely captivating as he spoke today, clearly on his game.

“God, this’ll be the first time we’ve played together in… ages.” He said as he pulled a hand through his hair and leaned back into his chair. “And we’ve not played these songs live yet, either. This will be the debut.”

“Incredibly exciting.” She nodded. “So, I’ll let you go. Tune in folks in half an hour, The 1975 will be playing a short set for us of songs from their new album, A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships, in the live lounge.” She spoke into the microphone, before rounding out the interview.

Matty didn’t move from his chair across from her as she switched the camera feed off and switched over to the next round of tracks.

“Are you coming?” He asked as soon as she took her headset off. “To the live lounge?” He clarified.

Her shift was meant to end in just over twenty minutes, and they started in thirty. She could probably finish up quickly enough to make it down there in time. “Yeah, I can do that.” She said with a nod.

He grinned eagerly, “It’ll be wicked to have you there for it.”

“It’s probably about time I saw you guys play.” She laughed as he stood up.

“I’ll see you shortly.” He said over his shoulder as he made his way out of the studio.

* * *

By the time she made her way down to the live lounge quite a crowd had already formed. Her handover between shifts had been fairly rushed in an attempt to get out of there quickly, but obviously The 1975 knew how to draw an audience. She managed to squeeze her way through a few crew members to get a decent enough viewing point. Whenever she caught Matty’s gaze, he waved at her excitedly. She waved back, suddenly feeling a bout of nerves at the thought of finally watching him in action. Once the cameras were set up and all of the equipment had done one final round of checks, they launched into quite a boppy first song. She recognised this instantly as Tootime, as it had been her favourite of the singles that were released. He sounded a bit rusty and raw, which thankfully he could cover with the filter over his voice, but his enthusiasm to be performing again was unmistakable. The looks he was throwing to his band were nothing short of ecstatic, and despite being out of practice they played the song flawlessly. They finished up the first song, and he shrugged off his yellow jacket as they changed their gear over for the next two. Their little live set was only three songs long in the end, but they felt It’s Not Living and Sincerity Is Scary were excellent choices to best get across the vibe of the new album. After seeing what they could do in a tiny room with minimal fanfare, she was suddenly kicking herself for never getting out to one of their live shows.

When they had wrapped up the set, Matty started packing away his gear before seeing her starting to leave. He quickly dropped what he was doing and called out to her to wait up. She turned to face him, as he suddenly realised that he hadn’t worked out what to actually say. “Look, I’m sorry about… how I’ve been lately.” He eventually settled on.

“It’s okay, you were going through a rough time.” She reassured him.

“I was,” He nodded, “but it’s not really an excuse.” He added with a sigh. “Can I take you out to lunch after this? To apologise properly.” He asked with a hopeful look.

“You don’t have to-” She started, before he interrupted.

“I know I don’t have to - I want to.” He corrected. She considered this offer for a moment. “Please?”

“Sure.” She nodded, trying to conceal her smile. “That’d be nice.”

She waited patiently as he packed up his gear, feeling slightly awkward for loitering around a studio that wasn’t hers while she watched everyone else clear out. Once everything seemed fairly put away, he exchanged a quiet word with the band and walked over to where she was standing.

“Any preferences for where we eat? It’s your apology lunch, after all.” He said as he slipped his jacket back on.

She grimaced at his choice of words. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Why?” He laughed.

“It makes me feel worse than I already do.”

“Suppose we’ll just feel bad together, then.” He said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and ushered her back out of the building. She couldn’t deny, it felt nice to be seeing Matty act more like he had when they’d first met. Whether that was because she enjoyed the attention or because it was nice to see her friend feeling more himself was up for debate.

Due to neither of them being the one to want to make the call about where to eat, for fear of the other not enjoying it, they ended up going to the only place that served food within their direct eyeline – a bakery. It made her feel less like she was taking advantage too for him to only have to pay for pastries and coffee, not a proper fancy meal with drinks. They caught each other up on the fine points of their lives that they’d missed out on hearing over the last few years: highlights in careers, people who’d come and gone, other artists they’d met that had proved to be noteworthy (for good reasons and bad). It was incredibly reassuring for the both of them to know that conversation still flowed easily enough between them when they weren’t actively disliking each other.

“Sorry if the interview was a bit… too personal. We didn’t really talk about the record all that much, in the end.” She said, thinking back to how long they’d spent discussing his drug habits rather than his impending album release.

“Stop apologising.” He said around a mouthful of food. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be saying sorry. And I’m sure the fans would’ve liked it.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to force stuff out of you for the sake of entertainment.”

“Like I said, I wouldn’t have answered if I didn’t want to.” He reminded her.

He waited a beat, composing what he had originally wanted to say today before clearing his throat. “I really am sorry, you know. For how I left things.” He said as he stared down into his mug of tea.

“It’s genuinely okay, Matty.” She reassured him. “I wasn’t really any better.” She added under her breath.

“I was just a bit oblivious and hopeful when I fucked stuff up initially. I wanted to act like I hadn’t dropped off your radar for two years.” He admitted as he scratched at the side of his head. “If I’m honest, I was reaching out to get some support from an old mate in a time when I felt pretty overwhelmed by everything that was happening. But I went about it in all the wrong ways and just made it a whole lot worse.” He clarified with a dry laugh. As if she hadn’t already felt bad enough, now he tells her that she’d shut him out when he had been trying to ask for help? The guilt increased tenfold.

“Sorry.” She said. He was about to tell her off again for apologising, but she cut him off. “I was already pretty shitty that I hadn’t seen you in so long, so I was pretty quick to want to end that interaction when things started getting… difficult.” She explained.

“Guess you live and learn, huh?” He said with a small smile. “At least we’re still mates now.” Hearing him say that helped ease a bit of her worry that she’d done as much to fuck things up as he had. At least now that it was all out in the open, they could move past it.

“Yeah.” She concurred, returning his smile. They finished up the pastries that Matty had bought before stepping out of the bakery. Both of them felt like a weight had been lifted now that they knew they hadn’t screwed stuff up for good between them. Having each said their piece, they were pretty confident that they could give friendship another shot.

“It was great to see you.” He said as he pulled her in for a hug tight enough that it almost made her lose her breath.

“Next time we’ll have to make sure it’s not so long.” She said as he moved back from the hug.

“We’ll keep in touch.” He agreed with a nod. “And I mean it this time.”

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @ghostlightqueen @tooshhhy @robinrunsfiction @approved-by-dentists

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#Matthew Healy x Reader #Matty Healy x Reader #Sunsetinymvein

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thewaynemanner · 5 years

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BatFam Favorite Songs and Playlists

Dick Grayson loves anything upbeat he can scream sing along to, but his one true music love will forever and always be 80s Pop music. Not only does it go with his ‘I just got dragged through an 80s costume wardrobe’ aesthetic, but 80s Pop songs are the best to scream sing along to. His 80s Pop Trinity is Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, and ABBA. Currently, his favorite songs are Y.M.C.A by Village People, -Jason: “Jesus Dick, how could Y.M.C.A be your favorite song?” Dick: “I like bending into all the letters!”- Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper, and Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) by ABBA. Dick also knows all the words to (and has choreography for) all the songs in Grease. He even once convinced Jason to song along as Danny in You’re the One That I Want. Dick’s Guilty Pleasure Song: Barbie Girl by Aqua.

Dick Grayson’s Playlist

Jason likes music that makes Bruce extremely uncomfortable, like Rap (for its explicit language) and any song that can be used to reference his death. But when Bruce isn’t around, Jason prefers a wide range of rock, from rockabilly to classic rock to punk rock, Jason loves it all. His favorite rock artists respectively are Johnny Cash, Queen, and My Chemical Romance. Jason’s favorite songs are I Won’t Back Down by Johnny Cash, Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, and I Don’t Love You by MCR. When Bruce is around to annoy, Jason enjoys blasting Hood Go Crazy by 2 Chainz, -Bruce: “I don’t think this is an appropriate song to be playing in the Batcave, Jason.” Jason: “Well Bruce, I didn’t think that letting the Joker live after he killed me was “appropriate”, so agree to disagree.” Bruce: *feels migraine coming on*- and Arms Tonite by Mother Mother -*I died in your arms tonight. I slipped through into the afterlife. It was nice* Alfred: “Master Jason, don’t you think that’s a tad insensitive?” Jason: “Sorry Alfie, but Bruce is kinda insensitive”- Jason’s Guilty Pleasure Song is Pocketful of Rainbows by Elvis Presley, it was the song that Bruce used to sing to him after he’d had a nightmare to get him to go back to sleep.

Jason Todd’s Playlist

Tim at this point only listens to DiscoTech/ElectroPop because it’s the only music with a beat strong enough to keep him awake. His favorite songs are Boss Bitch by Doja Cat, Play With It by Tommy Genesis, and Rich Bitch Juice by Alice Longyu Gao -*Some people say I look very sad I’m just having my resting bitch face ‘Cause man, I’m tired I’m tired, I’m so fucking tired Drinking my rich bitch juice* Tim: *sipping his rich Bitch Juice* “Mood.” Dick: *Gasp* “Timmy… That most definitely should not be a 'mood’.” Tim: *shrugs and continues to crush up caffeine pills and add them to his coffee* Tim’s Guilty Pleasure Song -Damian: *grumbling* “All his songs should be considered guilty pleasure songs”- is Ken Doll by Gameboi.

Tim Drake’s Playlist

Damian grew up listening to classical music and doesn’t understand how what his brothers listen to can even be considered music. Damian’s favorite composer -Damian: “Yes, singular composer because you can’t have multiple favorites, Drake. That’s like saying my favorite brothers are Grayson, Todd, and you, when it’s obviously just Grayson”- is Frédéric Chopin. Three classical pieces he is fond of are 24 Preludes, Op.28: No.4 in E Minor by Frédéric Chopin, Comptine d’un autre été, l’apres-midi by Yann Tierson, and Hallelujah (Arr. Cello & Strings) by Leonard Cohen & et al. -Tim: “Honestly surprised the Imperial Death March wasn’t on his list, was pretty sure that was constantly playing in his head.” Jason: “Same.”- Damian’s Guilty Pleasure Symphony is Hedwig’s Theme by John Williams. Jason: “He gets all teary-eyed when he listens to it.” Damian: “I do not, Todd! If you keep spreading such slander, I will eviscerate you.”

Damian Wayne’s Playlist

Alfred is quite fond of the Beach Boys, the Beatles, and Elton John. His favorite songs are Let It Be by the Beatles, Bennie and the Jets by Elton John, and Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy) by John Lennon. The later he is quite partial to because it always brings back memories or a younger Master Bruce. -Dick: Awww! Bruce is blushing, Alfie!- Alfred’s Guilty Pleasure Song is When We Were Young by Adele. Selina: *Quirking an eyebrow* Alfred: “I haven’t a clue why you look surprised Ms. Kyle. Ms. Adele is a woman of exceptional talent, I would be a fool not to see that.”

Alfred Pennyworth’s Playlist

Selina loves blues and soul. Her favorite artists are Etta James, Joy Crookes, and Amy Winehouse. Three of her favorite songs are Mother May I Sleep with Danger by Joy Crookes, Me and Mr. Jones by Amy Winehouse, and Hell N Back by Bakar (that she heard for the first time when Bruce sang it to her at their engagement party). - Damian: “Kyle’s choice in music is adequate I suppose.” Selina: *trying to smother a smile* - Guilty Pleasure Song: Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC. Selina: *winking at Bruce* Bruce: *Turning a violent shade of red* Tim: “Alfred, I think Selina broke Bruce!”

Selina Kyle’s Playlist

Bruce is a man of classic jazz, easy listening, and rockabilly; his favorite singers are Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Elvis Presley. He’s had the same favorite three songs for the past five years, My Way by Frank Sinatra, Blue Moon by Dean Martin, and Pocketful of Rainbows by Elvis Presley. -Jason: “You’re such a sap, Old Man-“ Guilty Pleasure Song: Hurt by Johnny Cash. -Selina: “Oh no you don’t, you and I both know that’s not your true guilty pleasure.” Bruce: “Selina, please don’t…” Selina: “War Pigs by Black Sabbath. He’s a closeted metal head.” Bruce: “Selina, you’re suppose to love me.” Selina: “Oh I do, but I also love torturing you too.” *high fives Jason* Bruce: “It was a phase Selina!”

Bruce Wayne’s Playlist

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ultranos · 7 years

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what do you mean about an 'actually appropriate' use of the song 'hallelujah'?

Friend, you are the greatest because I have goddamn citations.

So I would be entirely remiss in not stating the obvious, that being that “Hallelujah” was written by Leonard Cohen, a Jewish man. And that Superman was also created by Jewish men and that Kryptonians in general are basically space-Jewish.

Okay? Okay.

So using it in Supergirl is already like 1000x better than other times it’s been misused (Shrek, I’m looking at you). As the link says,

Whatʹs fascinating about all this is not simply the songʹs ubiquity on TV dramas‐‐itʹs that itʹs used in the exact same way every time. Songs can be used sincerely, ironically, as background shading, as subtle comment, as product placement. ButʺHallelujahʺalways appears as people are being sad, quietly sitting and staring into space or ostentatiously crying, and always as a way of tying together the sadness of different characters in different places. In short, itʹs always used as part of aʺsad montage.”

“But nos”, you might be saying, “Supergirl did kind of use it in a sad montage”. To which I say “INCORRECT”. (Well, actually I say “why are you talking at a computer screen, I cannot hear you, random internet person”). For a depressingly rare-use, the show actually fit it line-by-line and verse-by-verse into an appropriate context.

“Hallelujah” is an incredible contradiction. It weaves together faith and doubt, the sacred and the profane, religion and sexuality. It’s literal and layered at the same time.

(If you think I’m lying, look at the first verse:

It goes like this, the fourth, the fifthThe minor fall, the major lift

and the music [chord progression] is literally doing exactly that)

It’s about King David, it’s about losing faith, of trying. It’s about arguing with god and wrestling with spirituality.

Cohen himself said:

"I filled two notebooks with the song," he told a British newspaper in 2008.

"And I remember being on the floor, on the carpet in my underwear, banging my head on the floor and saying, 'I can't finish this song.'"

When he did finally finish it in 1984, three years and over 70 verses later, his record company turned it down.

This is why I will swear by the versions sung by Cohen himself, because there something about Cohen’s hard voice that speaks of experience that adds weight to the words. (k.d. lang’s is also incredible for this reason) I cannot stand the overly-polished versions of Buckley and especially Wainwright because they just seem to lose that sense of experienced, tired desperation.

The show really only only got two verses, so I’ll tackle that before I go onto OTHER VERSES THEY COULD HAVE CHOSEN AND IT’S STILL GREAT.

Your faith was strong but you needed proofYou saw her bathing on the roofHer beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

Well, that first line is basically what the entire plot of the damn episode was, so good job there.

She tied you to a kitchen chairShe broke your throne and she cut your hairAnd from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Again, episode. Broken power and all that’s left is faith.

Now, the really interesting thing is some of those verses that DIDN’T show up. I offer up the next verse, which basically seems like Alex’s arc this season in six lines

Baby I have been here beforeI know this room, I've walked this floorI used to live alone before I knew youI've seen your flag on the marble archLove is not a victory marchIt's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Actually, the next verse does too

There was a time you let me knowWhat's really going on belowBut now you never show it to me, do you?And remember when I moved in youThe holy dove was moving tooAnd every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Oh, and look both Kara:

You say I took the name in vainI don't even know the nameBut if I did, well really, what's it to you?There's a blaze of light in every wordIt doesn't matter which you heardThe holy or the broken Hallelujah

and Alex

Maybe there's a God aboveBut all I've ever learned from loveWas how to shoot somebody who outdrew youAnd it's not a cry that you hear at nightIt's not somebody who's seen the lightIt's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

And then we can sum up pretty much EVERYONE’S current arc

I did my best, it wasn't muchI couldn't feel, so I tried to touchI've told the truth, I didn't come to fool youAnd even though it all went wrongI'll stand before the Lord of SongWith nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Look, this song is so often misused as overly saccharine or as cheap emotional shorthand for “sadness”, but the show used it correctly, not only using the music to reinforce character themes in the episode and season thus far, but they also played it over scenes of Kara and J’onn returning to the faiths they thought they lost. And that’s why it also worked perfectly with Alex going to bed with Maggie, because at this point, we know that Alex isn’t going to get that “victory march” and all that’s left is the cold and broken hallelujah.

An essay from 2010 puts it well:

One reason that “Hallelujah” appeals is that it gives voice—and song—to the spiritual hunger of millions who find it difficult or impossible to identify with orthodox expressions of their longings. This song expresses their human fragility and their desire to be released from the shallowness of our age, which offers substandard spiritual fare. They search; they desire to reconnect with the transcendent, even though their search is often handicapped by an astonishing spiritual inarticulateness. The danger is that a lack of spiritual anchors will condemn them to aimless drifting or submersion in the inescapable sameness of a culture for which all forms of spirituality are of equal indifference, a culture not rooted in the definite contours offered by religious faith.

“Hallelujah” does not end with neatly packaged answers. Instead it is content to stay with the rawness of an open wound, though allowing a sliver of hope to shine through. We can only hope if we can let loss run its course, without giving in to the compulsion to end its discomfort prematurely. There is a beauty in this kind of acceptance, a wisdom hidden in the knowledge that even when we suffer, there is still light. This illumination ennobles us even as we labor to find vindicating words and reasons. There is a transfiguring dimension to our struggles, because our nights are pierced by a divine light. We can learn to recognize hidden springs of water gushing from what seems to be only a desert.

And if that wasn’t the theme of the episode and the current season thus far, I don’t know what is.

#nos answers things #supergirl #music #hallelujah #Anonymous

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the-dark-side-of-the-blog · 7 years

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Top 25 Greatest Cover Songs Ever

How often do you find out that one of your favorite songs by one of your favorite artists was originally by someone else? Happens more commonly than you think, yet it does not really undermine the work because we understand that even with the words already written there is a very precise alchemy needed to create a truly great cover. These are my top 25 best cover songs.

25) Sweet Child O’Mine, Luna (Originally Guns N’Roses): The list is 25 best covers, not 25 covers that are better than original because it would be impossible to do a cover that was better than Guns’ Sweet Child O’Mine. Say what you like about Axl and co (really say what you like) but that is truly one of the greatest songs ever, yet Luna more than do it justice. There cover is certainly a very different interpretation but also not all that detached. In terms of its composition it is not all that different but it takes the more electric energy of the original and delivers something more laconic, which should not work but yet does.

24) I Fought The Law, The Clash (Originally by The Crickets): Now some may have known that there was a version of this song before The Clash’s top 10 cover, in the form of The Bobby Fuller Four but unless you have been on the wiki page you probably wouldn’t have known that was a cover to, no matter The Clash’s version is a punk anthem that still stands up all these years later.

23) Valerie, Amy Winehouse (Originally The Zutons): People knew of this song before it was covered by Amy but her version has endured in ways that The Zutons have not. Mark Ronson displays his unparalleled knack for catchy compositions and beats, but its all about Amy and her voice, which was not only one of the most powerful ones we ever had but full of such personality, The Zutons had no chance (although they’ll thank her for all the money she has made them).

22) Jealous Guy, Roxy Music (Originally by John Lennon): Both versions are great but Roxy music might just edge Lennon out. Ferry is somehow able to infuse the song with an even greater sense of regret than Lennon did, while the rest of the band give the song a jazzier edge with the use of the saxophone, which nicely offsets the use of the piano here.

21) Tainted Love, Soft Cell (Originally by Gloria Jones): Okay it might be harsh to call Soft Cell one hit wonders because Say Hello, Wave Goodbye was certainly a hit in its own right as well, but let’s face it they never got close to what achieved with Tainted Love again. A defining track of the eighties and one of the great covers.

20) Take me to the River, Talking Heads (Originally Al Green): Memorably performed on the great Stop Making Sense live album David Byrne made the Al Green classic a staple of Talking Heads work.

19) Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door, Guns N’Roses (Originally Bob Dylan): Post Appetite a lot of things held GNR back, mostly themselves to be fair, but on a purely artistic level Axl’s lyrics and their ridiculously grandiose quality has always struck me as a problem. Its not to say he’s a bad lyricist, a song like Sweet Child O’Mine has deceptively great lyrics which stop it from being a bland ballad and make it something more poignant, but after Appetite I think he was far too self-serious and over-ambitious. One way to solve that problem is to use others lyrics and who better than Dylan. This cover just makes sense and I may even go as far as to say it is better than the original.

18) Needles and Pins, The Ramones (Originally by The Searchers): Because The Ramones were such a revolutionary band it is easy to forget that they did have influences, some pretty big ones. They did plenty of great covers of bands from the 50s and 60s that Joey and co grew up with but none better than Needles and Pins which among other things highlights what an incredible voice Joey Ramone had, one that goes a little underrated.

17) Superstar, Sonic Youth (Originally by The Carpenters): Superstar is one of those songs that has been over-covered for sure but there is no getting away from what a brilliant rendition Thurston Moore and co delivered. Its heartbreankingly restrained by Moore, communicating a soft desperation with his voice and giving us some of Sonic Youth’s best work of that decade.

16) Girl You’ll Be a Woman Soon, Urge Overkill (Originally by Neil Diamond): Immortalized by its use in Pulp Fiction, if you had never heard or known of Diamond’s version you could never have guessed it was his song from the Urge Overkill version, which is so dark with Kaatrud’s vocals implying so much more than the lyrics actually say. Urge Overkill may have done little else but they will have always given us this.

15) It’s Oh So Quiet, Bjork (Originally by Betty Hudson): It is tough to say if there is any one quality that is key to a great cover, but I think it always to have a unique and identifiable voice and personality bringing them-self to the song and there are few better examples than Bjork 1995 classic. It has a grunge loud-soft quality, but without the angst, almost to the extent of a parody it fluctuates so much, but whatever the case it is unmistakably Bjork and there in lies the greatness.

14) Piece of my Heart, Janis Joplin (Originally by Erma Franklin): For an iconic artist it may come as a surprise to some that both of Janis’ most enduring hits, this and Me and Bobby McGee, were covers. Whatever the case both are great, but it is Piece of my Heart that makes the list and for obvious reasons, a classic that still holds up today.

13) Where Did You Sleep Last Night, Nirvana (Traditional American Folk song): Its funny before Kurt begins his rendition of this 100 year old song (also covered by Lead Belly) he seems in quite good spirits joking about trying to buy the Lead Belly lead singer’s guitar, but once he starts singing all of that changes. This is one of the most incredible performances ever seen, it goes far beyond showmanship and into something far deeper and darker. Neil Young described it as “like a werewolf, unbelievable” and he wasn’t wrong. There is a moment at the end where Kurt opens his eyes and breathes out for just a second and it is one of the most powerful things I’ve ever seen by a performer. It is wrong that we look at everything Kurt through the prism of suicide but with this cover it is impossible to escape the pain he felt and lived with.

12) Stop Your Sobbing, The Pretenders (Originally by The Kinks): The Kinks and The Pretenders are connected by a lot more than just this song, Hynde and Ray Davies had a child in 1983, but that is beside the point. Stop Your Sobbing is the perfect first single for The Pretenders. Hynde’s voice has this almost brutal confidence and assurance as she instructs whoever to “stop your sobbing”, it straddles the line between pep talk and dressing down perfectly and in the process far surpasses the original.

11) Walk This Way, Run DMC ft Tyler and Perry (originally by Aerosmith): I’m at best an Aerosmith agnostic I like some of their songs but they have never been the great American rock band to me. There is no doubting the greatness of Run DMC’s cover of Aerosmith’s defining hit from the previous decade, but there is also no doubting that it wouldn’t be half as good with Tyler’s contributions. Rock and rap have rarely if ever worked so well together.

10) Respect, Arthea Franklin (Originally by Otis Redding): It is a cliche to say when talking about a great cover that the person covering the song owned it but boy did Franklin own this. By changing the perspective of the song from a male to a female one she not only made a feminist classic but one of the great covers and maybe her definitive track (although there is plenty of competition).

9) Hallelujah, Jeff Buckley (Originally by Leonard Cohen): The most over-covered song? Potentially. Whatever the case Buckley’s rendition overshadows all others. Buckley’s vocals are incredible but in a way that is not very flashy. His sound set the tone for the likes of Thom Yorke and while tragedy may have prevented him from amounting the discography his talented deserved Grace is still a great album.

8) What A Wonderful World, Joey Ramone (originally by Louie Armstrong): One of the great musical parting gifts. On Joey Ramone’s first solo and final album he gave us his surprisingly perfect rendition of What A Wonderful World. The cover achieved a certain level of fame for its us at the end of Bowling for Columbine but that may misunderstand. Its use in that movie emphasizes the ironic quality of the cover, Joey Ramone who sang of wanting to be sedated now telling us what a wonderful world it is, but actually there is nothing sarcastic about this at all. Joey’s vocals are fully committed when he sings of love and hope and that’s what makes such a beautiful cover.

7) Wild is The Wind, David Bowie (Originally by Nina Simone): For all of his incredible achievements and strengths Bowie had a pretty bad success ratio when it came to covers. His Across The Universe is alright but not great, same goes for his Let’s Spend the Night Together and the less said about his God Only Knows the better. Amidst the less than inspiring rendition of classic rock anthems though Bowie delivered a haunting, atmospheric and all round beautiful cover of Nina Simone’s Wild is the Wind. The problem with some of his other covers I think is he tries to make them too Bowie, whereas here I feel he lets the song itself guide the way he sings it. It is simply one of the best album closers ever.

6) Nothing Compares 2 U, Sinead O’Connor (Originally by Prince): Throughout the 80s and 90s the music video became a medium for greater and greater innovation, yet a lot of my favorite music videos of that period are the most simple and stripped down ones, where it is essentially just a camera looking at the performer. I’ve always loved the videos that accompany Alanis Morrisette’s Head Over Feet and Radiohead’s No Surprises and maybe the best example of this comes in the form of Sinead O’Connor’s Nothing Compares 2 U. Her raw emotion in the video completely re-frames this break-up song as one really about a much deeper grief, as she channeled the lose of her mother in a tragic accident. Her raw emotion made this cover unavoidable and unforgettable.

5) Killing me Softly, The Fugees (Originally by Roberta Flack) The Fugees cover takes the softness and melodic qualities of the Roberta Flack original but makes it that much darker and beautiful. It is an incredible cover. Lauryn Hill’s voice has this, I find, difficult to define quality but I’d describe it as a knowingness. I think in lesser hands this cover would have overly emphasized the hip hop traits of the song but here that drum loop is enough to make it a distinctly Fugees composition but also subtle enough to not intrude on Hill’s amazing vocals.

4) Alabama Song, The Doors (Originally by Bertolt Brecht): While Light My Fire and Riders on The Storm have endured as The Doors defining hits Alabama Song is the track I return to most. There is this offbeat darkness, it is not the smoothness most refined sound of a band from that era but it unmistakably The Doors and Jim Morrison. He may not have written the lyrics but you don’t need me to point out just how prophetic it was for Morrison to ask to be shown to the next whiskey bar and demanding you “don’t ask why”. So while it may not be Morrison or Kreiger’s words this is the song that I feel best epitomizes what made The Doors so different and so iconic.

3) The Man Who Sold The World, Nirvana (Originally by Bowie): Before I was a massive Nirvana fan I avoided listening to this rendition of what was then my favorite Bowie song (still in my top 5), I even resented people telling me it was better than Bowie’s original. Once I fell in love with Nirvana and put it on I could not believe just how perfect it was. Kurt and co’s rendition is every bit as brooding, dark and unfortunately prophetic as all the best of Nirvana’s work. The title alone feels fitting of Kurt, but it also worth mentioning how this cover is about more than him, the sound created by the band here is fantastic. Suffice to say this is one of those rare things a good Bowie cover, except it is much more than just a good one.

2) All Along The Watchtower, Jimi Hendrix (originally by Bob Dylan): It is rare for such an iconic artist that there most famous song is a cover but while Hendrix was a good lyricist his status as an icon is about more than his words. It was about his voice, his sonic experimentation and of course what he could do with a guitar. Dylan on the other hand was all about his words. All Along The Watchtower sounds like only something Hendrix could compose and play and reads like something only Dylan could write and that is a combination that can create one of the finest rock anthems ever.

1) Hurt, Johnny Cash (Originally by Nine Inch Nails): Hurt was always going to be high on this list but why it comes number one is that I think more than any song on this list it comes to define what an artist can do with someone else’s work. Everything about Cash’s rendition is trans-formative but not just for the sake of being different. There are many covers that completely change the originally but in ways that are ultimately detrimental. Cash’s Hurt changes the sound, the mood and the meaning of the song but in a way that only enhances its power. I talked about Joey Ramone’s What a Wonderful World as the perfect parting gift but this trumps even that. Its sad and introspective but so, so powerful. Cash’s voice has such gravitas and really Trent Reznor said it best when he described how it was no longer his song.

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dragonydreams · 7 years

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Steal the Air - Captain Canary Pump Up the Volume AU

Title: Steal the Air Fandom: DC's Legends of Tomorrow Rating: Teen Pairings/Characters: Sara Lance/Leonard Snart Summary: Leonard Snart is your regular quiet nerdy guy by day, but at night, make sure to catch his Facebook Live posts as the mysterious Captain Cold. Modern Pump Up the Volume AU Timeline: n/a Word Count: 5,142 Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over these characters. I am merely borrowing them from Berlanti Productions, DC Entertainment, and Warner Bros. Television. Betas: Thank you to angelskuuipo and shanachie_quill for looking this over for me. Author's Note 1/Additional Disclaimer: I love the movie "Pump Up the Volume" and thought it would work so well as a Captain Canary story. It's so brilliantly written, that I couldn't bring myself to change many of the words from the film, so much of the text belongs to Allan Moyle and New Line Cinema. Author's Note 2: Written for @ficcingcaptaincanary's Movie AU prompt. (Told you I was going to be late with this.) Author's Note 3: Youtube links to songs used in story as you read or listen to playlist for this story on Spotify

Did you ever get the feeling that everything in America is completely fucked up? You know that feeling that the whole country is like one inch away from saying, 'That's it, forget it.' We live in a world where vigilantes dispense justice in the cities and metahumans rule the streets. And we're expected to survive high school and go out into that crazy world. I can barely think about surviving another day of mediocre education, let alone making it in the "real world". You know what I'm talking about, Starling City. So sit back, relax, and do not adjust your screen because I am Captain Cold and this is live. This is life.

~~*~~

"Hey, Sin, have you seen this?" Sara asked, sidling up next to her best friend as they headed into Starling City High School.

"What?" Sin asked, taking the cell phone from Sara. She glanced down at the open Facebook app. "Captain Cold? Yeah, I've been watching. You like every one of his posts so I was curious. Who is he?"

"No one knows," Sara said, taking her phone back and pulling up his profile. "The only photo is his profile photo with the huge parka and dark goggles. You can barely see his face."

"Maybe that's the point," Sin said. "He leaves that photo up blocking the camera for the live videos on purpose."

"I know, but he's gotta be a student here. He's as much as said so," Sara pointed out. "I'm gonna find him."

"Good luck with that," Sin said.

~~*~~

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed Everybody knows the war is over Everybody knows the good guys lost Everybody knows the fight was fixed The poor stay poor, the rich get rich That's how it goes Everybody knows - Everybody Knows, by Leonard Cohen

Okay, down to business. I got my Black Jack gum here and I got that feeling, mmm that familiar feeling that something rank is going down up there. Yeah, I can smell it. I can almost taste it. The rankness in the air. It's everywhere. It's running through that old pipeline out there, trickling along the dumb concrete river and coming up the drains of those lovely track homes we all live in. I mean, I don't know. Everywhere I look it seems everything is sold out.

My dad sold out. And my mom sold out years ago when she took off after birthing my sister. And then he went and brought us here, to this this shitty corner of the world. He made me everything I am today, so naturally, I hate the bastard.

~~*~~

Laurel Lance sat on her bed, laptop open on her outstretched legs as she watched Captain Cold's live feed. She muted the video as her dad came into the room.

"I don't know how you get perfect grades when you're on that thing all hours of the night." Laurel felt like her smile was more of a grimace. "Don't forget that your Harvard interview is tomorrow. Don't want you looking tired. Good night, Sweetheart."

She kept the smile plastered on her face until her dad had closed her bedroom door before unmuting the video almost violently.

She didn't know why, but this Captain Cold seemed to understand her in a way her father never would.

~~*~~

I'm getting a lot of comments and private messages here. 'Dear Captain Cold, my boyfriend's giving me the cold shoulder. How do I show him that I really love him?' Why do you keep asking me for love advice? Do I seem like I have a lot of experience with relationships? If I had a girlfriend I'd be making out with her instead of talking to all you lonely freaks. 'Dear Captain, I think you're full of crap. High school isn't as bad as you make it out to be. Cheer up, buddy.' Well, you may be one of the few teenagers who doesn't hate high school, but let me tell you something, you're in the minority. You wanna know why I'm not "cheery"? I just got dragged to this dumb city. I don't have any friends, no money of my own, no car, and oh yeah, no license. I don't know what good a license would do since there's nothing to do here anyway.

~~*~~

Leonard Snart hesitantly went up to the librarian's desk in the school library, handing over the book he was returning to the cute blonde girl who was working at the desk.

"Hi," she greeted him.

"Hi," he automatically responded, adjusting his glasses.

"You're in my writing class, right?" she asked.

Leonard really wished the teacher hadn't read from his paper in today's class, drawing this girl's attention to him. Pretty girls like her made him nervous. "Uh huh."

"I like Mrs. Smoak. She's quirky." She turned away to look at his check out slip. "Now you're in trouble!" She paused dramatically. "You owe me twenty-five cents. 'How To Talk Dirty And Influence People' by Lenny Bruce. Who's he? Any good?"

Leonard shifted uncomfortably as he dug a quarter out of his pocket and handed it to her. "He's all right."

"Talk a lot?" Sara teased.

"Not too much, no," Leonard responded, making his retreat.

~~*~~

Sara pulled out a school newspaper with pictures of all the senior class in it as she watched the quiet new guy practically run from the library. She found his photo and circled it, then crossed it out. "Cute, but no way," she mused.

~~*~~

Curtain’s call Is the last of all When the lights fade out All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave And the masquerade Will come calling out At the mess you've made

Don't wanna let you down But I am hell bound Though this is all for you Don't wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed We still are made of greed This is my kingdom come This is my kingdom come - Demons, by Imagine Dragons

Guess who? It's ten o'clock; do you care where your parents are? After all, it's a jungle out there. I don't know. Everywhere I look it seems that someone's getting butt surfed by the system. Parents are always talking about the system, and the sixties and how cool it was. I hate the sixties, I hate school, I hate principals, I hate vice principals! But my true pure refined hatred is reserved for guidance counsellors. Captain Cold just happens to have in his very hands a copy of a memo written by Mr. Slade Wilson, guidance counselor extraordinaire to one Miss Amanda Waller, high school principal. "I found Miranda un-remorseful about her current condition." Bastard can't even say she's knocked up. "And she's unwilling to minimize its effect on the morals of the student population." Guidance counsellors! If they knew anything about career moves would they have ended up as guidance counsellors?

~~*~~

Carter Hall was sitting in front of his computer, Captain Cold's livestream open in one window with a blank Word doc open in another.

He hastily muted his computer as his mom knocked on the open door. "Carter have you finished your homework yet?"

"Yes," he somberly answered.

"Your father and I are downstairs, why don't you come and join us for once," she implored.

"No," Carter refused.

"Okay, Carter, have it your way," she said, sadly.

"Thanks," Carter said as she retreated.

Carter unmuted his computer as he typed: Dear Captain Cold, do you think I should kill myself?

~~*~~

I took the pistol and I shot out all the lights I started running in the middle of the night The law ain't never been a friend of mine I would kill again to keep from doing time You should never ever trust my kind

I'm a wanted man I got blood on my hands Do you understand I'm a wanted man - I'm a Wanted Man, by Royal Deluxe

Send me your most pathetic moment, your most anything, as long as it's real. I mean I want the size, the shape, the feel, the smell. I want blood, sweat, and tears in these messages. I want brains and ectoplasm all over them. Hallelujah! And now, all my chilly listeners, get comfy because my White Canary is back. "Come in. Every night you enter me like a criminal. You break into my brain, but you're no ordinary criminal. You put your feet up, you drink your mug of hot chocolate, you start to party, you turn up my stereo. Songs I've never heard, but I move anyway. You get me crazy, I say 'Do it.' I don't care what, just do it. Jam me, jack me, push me, pull me -talk hard!" I like that. Talk Hard. I like the idea that a voice can just go somewhere uninvited and just kind of hang out like a dirty thought in a nice clean mind. To me a thought is like a virus. You know, it can just kill all the healthy thoughts and just take over. That would be serious.

Sara was lying on her bed, listening to Captain Cold read her message for all the world to hear. "That would be totally serious," she agreed.

I know all of my chilly listeners would love it if I would just call up the pretty bird lady. But no! Because she never encloses her number.

Sara laughed. "Tough luck, creepoid."

She's probably a lot like me, a legend in her own mind. But you know what, I bet in real life she's probably not that wild. I bet she's kind of shy like so many of us who briskly walk the halls, pretending to be late for some class, pretending to be distracted. Hey, poetry lady, are you really this cool? Are you out there? Are you listening?

"I'm always out here," Sara promised.

I feel like I know you, and yet… we'll never meet. Ah, so be it. I don't know; drugs are out, sex is out, politics are out, everything is on hold. I mean we definitely need something new. We just keep waiting for some new voice to come out of somewhere and just say, "Hey, wait a minute, what is wrong with this picture?" Well maybe this is the answer to everything, wouldn't that be nice, huh? "Dear Captain Cold, do you think I should kill myself?" Great! Signed, "I'm Serious." And of course there is a number here. Hello, Serious?

Carter Hall took a deep breath and answered his phone. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" Captain Cold asked.

"Yep," Carter answered.

"I guess what I'm asking is how serious are you? How are you going to do it?" Captain Cold asked.

"I'm gonna blow my fucking head off," Carter responded.

"Oh! Well, do you have a gun?" Captain Cold asked.

"No, I'm going to use my finger, genius," Carter said, sarcastically.

"All right. So where is this gonna take place, huh?"

"Right here," Carter said.

"Where is this alleged gun? Do you have it with you? Did you at least write a note? You have a reason, don't you? You're not going to be one of those people who kills themselves and nobody has any idea of why they did it? Hey, that's why we need a note, pal!" Captain Cold cajoled.

"I'm all alone," Carter admitted.

"No, hey, look, maybe it's okay to be alone sometimes, everybody's alone," Captain Cold insisted.

"You're not," Carter said.

"I didn't talk to one person today, not- not counting teachers. I sit alone every day you know, sitting in the stairwell eating my lunch, reading a book. What about you?"

Carter hung up the phone. His mind was already made up. He loaded the gun.

I hate that, now I'm depressed. Now I feel like killing myself, but luckily I'm too depressed to bother. Great! Straight to voicemail. Rejected again, that's okay I'm used to it, terminal loneliness. People always think they know who a person is but they're always wrong. Most parents have no idea. It's just that mine had me tested because I sit alone in my room alone, naked, wearing only a cock ring, heh heh! I mean it really bugs me, everyone knows what a person should be, who cares how I should be! You know, in real life I could be that anonymous nerd sitting across from you in Chem. Lab, staring at you so hard, you turn around, he tries to smile, but the smile just comes out all wrong. You just think how pathetic, then he just looks away and never looks back at you again. Well, hey, who cares, that's my motto. Well, sleep tight, Miranda, sleep tight, White Canary, sleep tight, Mr. Serious. Maybe you'll feel better tomorrow.

Sara went to the paper she had taped to the wall of what she knew about Captain Cold so far. She wrote down that he ate lunch on the stairs reading a book.

She had a pretty good idea where to go look now.

~~*~~

Leonard was sitting outside with an open book and his lunch the next day, like he did every day.

The pretty girl from the library skipped down the stairs and stopped in front of him. "Hi, got a stick of gum?" She grabbed the package out of his shirt pocket, triumphantly. "Black Jack! My name's Sara, what's yours?"

"Leonard."

"Leonard," she repeated. "Well, hi, Leonard."

"Hi," Leonard said, marking his place in his book and closing it.

"Listen, I was gonna cut fourth period, do you wanna join me in the art supply room?" Sara asked.

"Er, no, I can't, got to go, sorry," Leonard said, awkwardly getting to his feet and practically running off.

"Sorry!" Sara called after him. "Maybe next time."

~~*~~

Mrs. Smoak was somber as she got the class's attention. "I have some very upsetting news. Last night one of our students, Carter Hall, took his own life. For those of you who knew him, there will be a memorial service at Dempsey Hall on Friday. I know it hurts, it's painful to lose someone."

~~*~~

Leonard found a quiet corner on campus and pulled out his phone. He opened Captain Cold's Facebook account and read the newest message from White Canary aloud, to himself. "You're the voice crying out in the wilderness, you're the voice that makes my brain burn and makes my guts go gooey. Yeah, you gut me, my insides spill out on your altar and tell the future, my steaming gleaming guts spill out your nature. I know you, not your name, but your game. I know the true you, come to me or I'll come to you."

"So you are him," Sara exclaimed from behind Leonard, causing him to jump. "Don't worry I'm not going to bust you or anything. Aren't you going to ask who I am?"

"No, I don't think so. No!" Leonard said.

"I'm the White Canary!" She boasted. "You don't believe me." She grabbed his phone and quoted without looking at the screen, "'I know you, not your name, but your game. I know the true you, come to me or I'll come to you.' Hey, relax, I'm not really like that, except when I am."

Leonard tried to get away from her, still upset from learning about Carter's suicide. "Look, I really can't handle this right now, okay?"

Sara looked at him sympathetically, as if she could read his mind. "Look, it's not your fault. I was listening last night. I didn't think he'd go through with it."

~~*~~

You're free to do what you want You never thought of consequences You created your own little world Where you could always be different

A place where the rules do not apply You could never be denied You took advantage of a good think Now the void you filled is empty

Put the mask back on Put the mask back on Don't take it off 'til everybody's gone

Put the mask back on Put the mask back on No disguise has ever lasted so long - Cover Up, by Trapt

You see I never planned it like this. I set up this account to talk to my old friends, but they didn't know to look for me under this handle. I thought I was talking to nobody. I imagined that nobody was listening. Maybe I imagined one person out there. Anyway one day I woke up and I realized I was never going to be normal and so I said fuck it, I said so be it and Captain Cold was born. I never meant to hurt anyone, honestly, I never meant to hurt anyone. I'm sorry, Carter. I never said, "Don't do it." I'm sorry. Um, anyway I'm done, stick a fork in me it's been grand. This is Captain Cold saying sayonara, over and out.

Sara sat staring at her computer as the video ended. "Come on, you can't do this," she told the screen.

Laurel shook her phone in the bedroom next to Sara's. "This is a joke right?"

"C'mon, Captain baby, don't stiff," Mick, Sin's boyfriend, complained as they watched together.

Leonard Snart paced around his bedroom, staring at his computer equipment. "What am I doing? Fuck It!" He sat back down and queued up a new video session.

You hear about some kid who did something stupid, something desperate. What possessed him? How could he do such a terrible thing? It's really quite simple, actually. Consider the life of a teenager. You have parents and teachers telling you what to do. You have movies, magazines, and TV telling you what to do. But you know what you have to do. Your job, your purpose, is to get accepted, get a cute girlfriend, and think up something great to do with the rest of your life. What if you're confused and can't imagine a career? What if you're funny looking and you can't get a girlfriend? You see no one wants to hear it, but the terrible secret is that being young is sometimes less fun than being dead.

"This is great, he's making it worse," the reporter commented to his cameraman outside the high school the kid who'd killed himself had attended. Whoever this guy was behind the parka and goggles, he'd made an impression. Whether that impression was good or bad, remained to be seen. What would get better ratings?

Suicide is wrong, but the interesting thing about it is how uncomplicated it seems. There you are, you got all these problems swarming around your brain, and here is one simple, one incredibly simple solution. I'm just surprised it doesn't happen every day around here. Now, now they're going to say I said offing yourself is simple, but no, no, no, no, it's not simple. It's like everything else, you have to read the fine print. For instance, assuming there is a heaven who would ever wanna go there, you know? I mean think about it, sitting on this cloud, you know it's nice, it's quiet, there's no teachers, there's no parents, but guess what? There's nothing to do! Fucking boring. Another thing to remember about suicide is that it is not a pretty picture. First of all, you shit your shorts, you know. So, there you are, dead, people are weeping over you, crying, girls you never spoke to are saying, "Why? Why? Why?" and you have a load in your shorts! That's the way I see it. Sue me. Now, they're saying I shouldn't think stuff like this. They're saying something is wrong with me, that I should be ashamed. Well, I'm sick of being ashamed. Aren't you?

"Sick to death!" Laurel agreed.

I don't mind being dejected and rejected, but I'm not going to be ashamed about it.

"Hallelujah," Sara called out.

At least pain is real. You look around and you see nothing is real, but the pain is real. You know, even this show isn't real. This isn't me; I'm using a voice disguiser. I'm a phony fuck just like my dad, just like anybody. You see, the real me is just as worried as the rest of you. They say I'm disturbed, well, of course, I'm disturbed. I mean we're all disturbed, and if we're not, why not? Doesn't this blend of blindness and blandness want to make you do something crazy? Then why not do something crazy? It makes a hell of a lot more sense than blowing your fucking brains out, you know. Go nuts, go crazy, get creative! You got problems? You just chuck 'em, nuke 'em! They think you're moody? Make 'em think you're crazy, make 'em think you might snap! They think you got attitude? You show 'em some real attitude! Come on, go nuts, get crazy. Hey no more Mr. Nice Guy! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, oh god!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, oh yes.

We're all excited But we don't know why Maybe it's cause We're all gonna die

And when we do (When we do) What's it all for (What's it all for) You better live now Before the grim reaper come knocking on your door

Tell me, are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down? Oh, no let's go!

Let's go crazy Let's get nuts Look for the purple banana Until they put us in the truck, let's go! - Let’s Go Crazy, by Prince

~~*~~

Laurel Lance took Captain Cold's words to heart. She grabbed her ribbons and trophies - symbols of her academic achievement, of her so-called perfect life, and carried them down to the kitchen where she stuffed them in the microwave. Just before she slammed the door closed, she ripped off her stupid pearls and tossed them in, too. She punched something into the timer and watched in fascination as the items slowly spun around until the microwave exploded, spitting debris hit her in the face, knocking her out.

The explosion drew Sara out of her bedroom and down the stairs where she found her sister unconscious on the floor. She looked around, bewildered, until she saw the microwave and she burst out laughing.

"You tell 'em, Captain Cold," she muttered, reaching for her phone to call an ambulance.

~~*~~

The next day, Leonard watched as students rearranged the cards on the notice boards to spell out STAY COLD and hung signs that said THE TRUTH IS A VIRUS. Some of the teachers were running around freaking out, trying to get it all down. Others thought it was about time someone made a stand.

Sara tracked down Leonard and got him alone in the art room. "So, I don't know if you know this, but my sister is the perfect Laurel Lance." Leonard shook his head to indicate that he had not known this. "So, last night she burned up all her shit right after you suggested it, in our kitchen! Oh, her precious pearls were flying like bullets. Dad was un-thrilled."

Leonard ran a hand over his closely shorn hair. "This is out of control."

"Yeess!" Sara emphatically agreed, grinning maniacally.

"That's it, it's over. I just hope it isn't too late," Leonard said.

"Leonard!" Sara called after him as he ran away, again.

"Just leave me alone, okay, please?" he called back over his shoulder.

~~*~~

Leonard allowed his dad to drag him to the PTA meeting at the school. He slumped down in his chair as Principal Waller tried to conduct regular business when all the parents wanted to do was talk about him. Well, Captain Cold. He sat up straighter as Laurel Lance walked up on the dais.

"My name is Laurel Lance and I have something to say to you people. People are saying that Captain Cold is introducing bad things and encouraging bad things. But it seems to me that these things were already here. My god, why don't you people listen? He's trying to tell you something is wrong with this school. Half the people that are here are on a probation of some kind. We are all really scared to be who we really are. I am not perfect. I've just been going through the motions of being perfect, and inside I'm screaming."

"Laurel, you were a model student," Waller said, disappointment evident in her voice.

Leonard made a hasty retreat after Laurel left. This was all getting to be too much.

~~*~~

Leonard stood leaning against the wall outside the sliding door of his basement bedroom, deleting messages for Captain Cold on his phone.

"Hi! What are you doing? You having fun?" Sara asked as she approached him.

"Yeah," Leonard said, absently.

"Hey, look, I took some of these off the wall for you. I mistakenly thought you might want them," she said, thrusting some handmade signs at him.

"Thanks," Leonard said, letting them fall to the ground.

"So I guess you're not going on tonight," Sara commented after a few minutes of silence.

"Brilliant," Leonard drawled, pushing off the wall and going back into his room.

Sara huffed, following him. "Is this all just a game to you? You know you can't just shout 'fire' in a theatre and then walk out. You have a responsibility for the people who believe in you. What is this? C'mon say something, say anything. Open your mouth and say, 'Get the hell out of here bitch.'"

"I can't," Leonard said.

"You can't what?" Sara demanded.

"I can't talk," Leonard ground out.

Sara snorted. "Sure you can talk."

"I can't talk to you," he clarified. He let out a noise of frustration as he sat in front of his computer, put on his headset, and opened Facebook.

I got a message from this guy who's got a problem, he can't talk. I mean he can talk, but never when he wants to, not to girls, not to people. He just opened up his mouth and nothing came out. And this jerk finds somebody that he likes, which is probably the worst thing to happen to a person who can't talk. So, I don't know what to tell this guy because lately every time I give out advice the fit hits the shan. So, I don't know, maybe the best thing to do is just turn around and face the music and try to talk.

Leonard turned around to talk to Sara but she's gone.

"Leo," Lewis called, knocking on the door.

"Coming," Leonard called back, pausing the video and turning off the monitor.

"Leo, it's just me. I wanna come in for a minute," Lewis said, turning the locked doorknob.

"Yeah, just give me a second here, two seconds," Leonard said, taking off the headset and hiding it under a dirty tee-shirt.

"Open the goddamn door," Lewis shouted.

"On my way," Leonard said, checking the room one last time before yanking the door open.

"I have been out there for two minutes, what the hell are you doing in here?" Lewis demanded, looking for evidence of drugs or alcohol. Or a Facebook video.

"I was just reading," Leonard said, gesturing to the book on his desk.

"Oh c'mon, Leo, I heard you. I heard you talking," Lewis said.

"I was reading aloud," Leonard quickly said.

"Oh c'mon, do you really expect me to believe that?"

"Okay, I'll tell you the truth," Leonard said, not sure what he was going to say.

"He was talking to me," Sara said, popping up from behind the loveseat. "Hi, I'm Sara Lance."

"Nice to meet you," Lewis said, stunned. "How do you do?"

"I was afraid you would be mad at me for disturbing Leonard's homework," Sara said.

"You don't know how happy I am to meet you," Lewis said, looking at his son with new appreciation.

"Listen, I've got to go, but it was really nice to have met you. Bye, Leonard," Sara said, taking a step towards the sliding door.

"No, you don't have to go. Leo, she doesn't have to go," Lewis said.

"Bye now, see you tomorrow," Sara said with a wink to Leonard as she slipped outside.

"You've been a bad dog, haven't you?" Lewis said, punching his son lightly on the arm. "You know, for a second there I thought you were that crazy Facebook character they've been talking about on the news."

"Maybe he's not that crazy, Dad," Leonard suggested.

"Right! Very funny. Go get her, go on. That's my idea of homework," Lewis cajoled.

After his dad left, Leonard got his microphone back on and resumed his session.

Sorry about that, folks, technical difficulties. Let's see who we have out there tonight. The usual band of teenage malcontents. I certainly hope so, because Captain Cold is feeling kind of rude tonight.

~~*~~

Let's go out in flames so everyone knows who we are 'Cause these city walls never knew that we'd make it this far We've become echoes, but echoes are fading away So let's dance like two shadows, burning out a glory day

Devil's on your shoulder Strangers in your head As if you don't remember As if you can forget It's only been a moment It's only been a lifetime But tonight you're a stranger Some silhouette - Silhouette, by Aquilo

After Leonard put on the song he went outside to get some air. It had been a surreal night so far. He'd called Mr. Wilson again and was informed that his phone was being traced. Too bad for the cops that it was a burner phone. They could triangulate his signal, but not to his specific address, especially once he removed the battery and sim card from the phone.

He wasn't surprised that Sara was out there, listening to his cast on her phone.

"It's okay, you don't have to talk, you don't have to say anything and you don't have to do anything, unless you want to," she said, approaching him slowly.

"You're so different," Leonard said. "I mean, you're so fearless. I wish I could be like you."

"You are," Sara said, stepping close to him. They're so close but still not touching. Swaying together in the warm breeze. Almost dancing.

"I wish I could say things to you," Leonard said, raising a hand to hover over her cheek before lowering it.

"You do," Sara said, so earnestly. She grabbed his hand and placed it over her heart.

"Everything's so strange," Leonard whispered, his fingers flexing against her shirt.

"Yeah," Sara agreed, her breath hitching at their nearness.

"Maybe we're just crazy," Leonard said, meeting her eyes.

"So be it," Sara said, rising on her toes and pressing her lips to his.

Leonard wrapped his free arm around her back, pulling Sara closer as she wound her arms around his neck. The kiss was clumsy, messy, all teeth and hard lips, but neither cared. They paused, panting for breath before coming together again in a much more satisfying kiss.

"So be it," Leonard whispered against her lips.

The End

#captain canary #captain canary fic #legends of tomorrow fic #sara lance/leonard snart #pump up the volume #movie au #ficcingcaptaincanary

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cut-off-the-grain · 7 years

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Writing Meme

I was tagged by @obsessions-and-dreams last week, but I had a string of migraines which pretty much resulted in me coming home from work and going to bed with no desire to stare at a screen (0/10, would not recommend) so I'm doing it now. Be warned, I rambled quite a bit. Is there a snack you like to eat while writing? Not really a snack, but I usually have a drink by me. What time of day do you usually write? During the week I write a bit here and there in the evenings when I’m home from work. Occasionally I scribble ideas down during my lunch break. But I’m off work on Sundays and Mondays and lately I’ve been blocking two to three hours into one of those days just for writing. Where do you write? Those chunks of time I mentioned I dedicate to writing I go to Starbucks, because if I go there specifically to write I spend that time actually writing! The rest of the time I write at home, usually while sitting at my kitchen table so I can look out at my bird feeder now and again when I need a break from staring at my screen (I’m sitting there right now, and a little goldfinch has been at the feeder for the last ten minutes! He’s so bright and pretty!) How often do you write a new fic? I’ve been averaging about one a month, along with a couple little ficlets here and there. The strange thing is before I started writing Kylux I really hadn’t written anything in a long time. I think the last time I wrote for a fandom was the Sherlock fandom, and I stopped after season 2 came out. And that was 2012, I think? So about five years, but once I started writing what I kept swearing was going to be my one and only fic for them Hux and Kylo grabbed me and refused to let go. Do you listen to music while you write? Yes! My dad is a musician and growing up I always did my homework in the same room he practiced in. So I think I now have this ingrained response that listening to music means I’m going to be productive and do something. And music has largely influenced my writing. Each fic seems to have one particular song I kept listening to while writing it, and I’ve ended up taking lyrics from those songs to use as titles. ‘Don’t Be Shy (You’ve Been Here Before)’ is a line from Dusty Springfield’s ‘Breakfast in Bed’, which is a sweet, sad, and very seductive song. ‘If You Should Fall Into My Arms’ is from David Bowie’s ‘Let’s Dance’, which is a fun, light, catchy song that never fails to make me smile and want to sing along. ‘The Minor Fall, The Major Lift’ is taken from the Leonard Cohen song ‘Hallelujah’,although it’s about how draining relationships can be but, for some reason, most covers leave off the final verse, which goes “And even though it all went wrong, I’ll stand before the Lord of Song, with nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah” which to me is about overcoming hardship. So for me the song fit the fic perfectly- Kylo and Hux have both been damaged by their pasts, but together they will overcome them and be stronger for it. (Whew, that got long!) And ‘Don’t You Ever Tame Your Demons’ is from the Hozier song ‘Arsonist’s Lullabye’, because the opening line is “When I was a child I heard voices” and from the moment I heard that lyric it screamed young Ben Solo. What's your writing utensil? Paper or laptop? I actually use both, but for different purposes. I write outlines on paper, sketch out scenes, put down specific dialogue or descriptions I want to include, etc. And then I write the story on my laptop (technically it’s a tablet and I have a keyboard I use with it). I do this for two reasons 1) It makes it really easy for me to reference my notebook while I’m typing, I’m not trying to flip back and forth between two different screens. I can cross things off as I go so I know roughly what scene is going to come next. It’s not hard and fast, I switch things around, add scenes, delete scenes as needed, but it helps keep me on track. And 2) It’s easier to pull a notebook out while I’m standing in line or waiting at the doctor’s office or something and jot a quick note down than to pull out a tablet. And if I write it down with pen and paper I tend to remember thing better than typing, so I’ll probably still have whatever idea fresh in my mind without having to go track down what file I saved it in. Do you have a special pre-writing ritual? Not really. I pretty much just pop my headphones in, open up the document, and start writing. What do you do to get into the writing mood? Occasionally inspiration strikes suddenly and I drop whatever I’m doing to write, but usually just scheduling time makes me want to write. There’s something about having time put aside just for writing that inspires me to do it- I think because I look forward to it all week, so when I get the time I’m excited! What do you always have near the place you write? A drink, coffee or tea if I’m at Starbucks, water at home. And my notebook with ideas. That’s about it! Do you have a reward system for word counts? Umm, sort of? It’s not specifically for word counts, but for scenes. As in, after I finish this scene I’ll get a refill on my drink, stand up and stretch, check my e-mail quickly. And it’s not really a reward so much as it is just building little breaks in so I don’t get burned out. It’s amazing to me how a five minute break where I watch a video, close my eyes and just hum along to a song, look at pictures of cute animals, can be just enough to rejuvenate me so I’m ready to write again. And I don’t really care about word counts. I’m actually pretty terrible at guessing how many words it’s going to take me to write a scene- I think I’ll say everything I want in five hundred words, then a thousand words later I’m finally getting to the point. I just write what I want to write, and however many words it ends up being is fine. So, no. The answer to the question is no, but I had to write two paragraphs to say that ;P Is there anything else about your writing process your readers don't know? It’s not necessarily about the writing process, but I both enjoy and am simultaneously horrified by going back and reading stuff I wrote after it’s been posted. I will swing wildly back and forth between ‘oh, what lovely phrasing, I forgot I wrote that, it’s wonderful’ and ‘this is terrible, how did anyone manage to slog through this all the way to the end, let alone enjoy it enough to leave me a comment?’ In short, like probably every writer, I manage to be both completely smug and self-congratulating while also being almost entirely consumed with self doubt. That just means I’m a complex, interesting individual, right? I am low-key (no pressure!) tagging @an-r-1 @thegoodlannister and I'm going to break the rules and tag a wonderful artist too, because most of the questions will still work, just change writing to drawing @youdidnotseeme

#writing #I rambled quite a bit #more than you probably ever wanted to know

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billscheft · 8 years

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Recap: Adrianne Tolsch Memorial Service (Wed, January 4, St. Peters Church)

It was, as I have said to anyone who’d listen and many who weren’t, beyond anything that I would have not even dared myself to hope for.

We caught every break. The weather was 50 degrees and sunny in January and St. Peters Church turned out to be big enough to handle almost 400 people.

Yeah, you heard me. Close to 400 people showed up. The other day, a grief counselor told me people die as they live. If you’re bitter and alone, you’ll die bitter and alone. If you touched a lot of people, you will be surrounded by a lot of people. I was downstairs with Larry Amoros and Kathleen McCarthy as they came filing in, and we started 10 minutes late because we had to, as they say on Broadway, hold for the house. And when I came up, I looked straight ahead to me chair off to the side of the podium so I wouldn’t make eye contact with the half a dozen people who would collapse me if I saw them. I didn’t really know how big the crowd was until Barbara Gaines, my best friend who produced this thing, told me she ran out of the “good programs” and had to pass out the paper ones. Which I saw, and which were pretty damn good their own self.

I had gotten to the church with Larry around 8:45. Barbara Pinter, who was playing the Mozart nocturne, showed up at 9:00. Two months before she passed, Adrianne and I were in a cab with Barbara and she said, “Mumshki (they called each other “Mumshki”), I want you to learn this Mozart nocturne. I just need to find out what number.” Barbara had been a former concert pianist and Adrianne had never made such a request, but she knew she had been having trouble with her hand and she wanted to give her an assignment. Or maybe she knew she needed a processional. Mozart Nocturne #9, op 2. Mumshki tested out the piano, and pronounced it “lovely.” Like I said, we caught every break.

Three of the four Truants ambled in by 9:15. They did a quick amp and mic check. Fine. Around the same time, I get a call from my bass player, Roger Lipson. “I’m at 619 Broadway and there’s no church here,” he says. “That’s because we’re at 619 Lexington.” “Oh…. I’ll be a little late.” Adrianne’s son, David Kerzner, pulled in around 9:20, plugged his Fender knockoff into the amp and diddled about five seconds. Done.

My one pre-gig technical problem was the podium. The place where you put your notes was too low. In that “no man’s land” between glasses and no glasses. Larry said he had the same problem. Luckily, it is common and Sam Hutcheson, who runs the church and who I’ve known for 15 years, went to the back and fetched a Plexiglas lectern that raised things a crucial two feet.

Larry and I went downstairs with Kathleen as they filed in and told her some of Adrianne’s lines that she’s never heard. Like her aunt that was abducted by aliens: “They took me aboard their spaceship and examined me. Turns out it was a cyst. Benign. Nothing….”

Okay, so now it’s 10:10 and we’re off. Mumshki was wonderful. I got up. I was not nervous. I always knew I had the right format and the right people. I was confident about what I had written, which was mostly a repurposing of Adrianne’s material. And if I lost it, I lost it. As Gary Muhldeer told me about his act years ago, “You can’t fuck this up.” So, for once, my expectations were more than reasonable. And then, I started to speak, and I heard how strong and confident my voice was. That’s when I know I was not just going to be fine, I was going to be good. Because unlike all the other times, I wasn’t doing it for me.

I did 14 minutes and I would post all the remarks here, but we’re a week or so away from the video being done and I want you guys to hear them as they were said. (I have Larry’s remarks too, but you REALLY need to hear him do them. That is the only way you can believe such things were said at a memorial….)

My attitude toward the memorial had always been, “I’m not going to tell you how to feel about her. She belonged to all of you and you all had your deep connection with each other. So, let’s do the celebration she wanted. Let’s shower her with laughs.”

And there were big big laughs. The audience turned out to be as fearless as Adrianne. And as versatile. Not there wasn’t what College Boy used to call “pathos up the ying-yang.” Kathleen McCarthy followed me and spoke so eloquently of their relationship, taking time out to poke Adrianne for her germaphobic and yes, shy, tendencies. And her last words to Kathleen, which were always her last words to Kathleen. “I love you. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Like the MC Adrianne trained me to be, I did a minute in between acts. I told an inside story about the basement of St. Peters that well over 2/3 of the people got, and then brought up Christine Quinn. Let me tell you about Chris Quinn. She has spent her life in public service, which means when she speaks in public, she is duty-bound to self-promote. The closest she came was three times, when she made fun of herself trying to self-promote. She spoke from her giant heart as someone who Adrianne had never stopped trying to reach out to in her own gentle but forthright way. From the day I met her in 2007 during a 0 degree day on the Writers Guild picket line, I have found Christine Quinn to be endlessly singular as public servant. And then you throw in the red hair and the great laugh, and cancel the rest of the auditions.

Before I read Catullus poem #5 in Latin, I said, “There’s been a lot of talk about how bright Adrianne and I were…” There hadn’t, but it got me into the tree story, which is a beauty and you’ll enjoy when the video is done. I got through 13 lines of Latin and then introduced the Truants, who absolutely nailed “And I Love Her.”

And then, then ladies and gentlemen, we decided to test the roof of St Peters Church against exploding laughter.

Julie Halston had called me a couple of days before. “Dahling, how much time do you want?” I told her Larry and I were doing 10-15, but whatever she needs to do to clear her throat. She said, “I know what I’m going to say about Adrianne, but I thought I might add a set piece, because she loved some of the stuff I would do.” I said, “Julie, I’m praying you’re thinking of doing a wedding announcement.” “Yes, I was.”

So, she gets up, her first of three shows on a theater Wednesday, and goes through her history with Adrianne, from the time she was first introduced to her, in a 1982 profile in the Sunday Daily News Magazine, “On the Edge!” to a few years later, when, as a budding Charles Busch muse, she came to see Adrianne perform at 88s in the Village. From there, they became deep friends, who got each other as no one else could. “We would sit and have coffee, a lot of coffee, and we would talk first about what we were doing and what we wanted to do.” And then, Julie dovetailed adroitly, “And we also talked about the kind of people we would never be friends with….” And out came the wedding announcement. One from 2012, that I had never heard her do. Nor had about 385 of the 400 people. Just room-shaking guffaws.

At one point, I worried about Larry Amoros having to follow Julie. But then I remembered, it’s Larry. Adrianne’s and my closest friend, the Adrianne-proclaimed “funniest man on the planet.” A guy that my brother Tom so aptly described as “He makes you laugh, and you cannot believe what he made you laugh at.”

I cannot wait for the video because I cannot remember 90 percent of what Larry said. I know within the first 20 seconds he made references to jerking off 2/3 of Menudo and Danny Thomas liking hookers to take a shit on him. And then he got daring. But in the end, he shifted effortlessly into his relationship with Adrianne, the debt he owed her and how (how about this) hers and my love story is not over.

Afterward, Larry and I tried to remember the last time we had done a set in front of that many people. Not a presentation. A set. For Larry, it was 20 years. For me, 23. But it was the type of crowd you might get twice a year. Who am I kidding? With me, once every two years.

When we were out on the road, most shows had three comics. The headliner went on last. And so it was last Wednesday. Julie, Larry, and your headliner, Adrianne Tolsch. Here’s how I introduced her: “She didn’t want to get old. She didn’t want to die. She wanted to kill. So, let’s let her kill.”

And project high on the sanctuary wall of St Peters was her ten-minute video from the Kravis Center in May, 2008. Almost 70 years old and looking like the incandescent little girl she always was to me. At the absolute height of her powers.

10 minutes later, the room stood up. Stood up. A standing ovation….for a fucking tape. That dropped me. God help me. That dropped me.

But this was a memorial with a two-knockdown rule. I introduced the final act. Her favorite song, Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah,” played by David Kerzner. Her son. I always knew this would be tough for me to get through, but I fell way short. David began to play this haunting haunting version of “Hallelujah” and I had two thoughts. Thought one: “He’s not singing….” Thought two: “He’s not singing because he can’t sing….” That did it.

And that did it.

We ended up with enough leftover bagels and breakfast pastries from the reception to make us absolute heroes with the church soup kitchen on the second floor.

As I made my way out, my old boss came up to me and said, “I never did a show that good.” I’ll take the lie.

People said wonderful things. The word “perfect” was used a lot. Well, you know what would have made it perfect? If Adrianne had been there. But I know she saw it. I know she heard every word, every note. And that just has to be good enough.

And one day, it just might be.

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