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#Or people I've made cry
artemistheauthor · 1 year
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You know what my silly secret is? I screenshot when people compliment me and then on days I'm sad I go through my screenshot folder and remember that people love me and think I'm cool. Some of those people are people close to me. Some of them are people I'm befriending. Some are total strangers.
But Someone Finds Me Worthy Of A Compliment and that's important to me on all days, but especially bad ones.
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inkskinned · 8 months
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it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.
i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.
it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.
#warm up#writeblr#i spent a lot of time picturing our future#how funny to think: in each version of our future#i was never myself#i was someone smarter kinder braver#better adept.#who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me#i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me#people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you.#it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy#the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself:#if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay.#for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing.#and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made#it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'.#a few days ago while i was doing something else#i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized .#you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly.#you said: you're doing this to manipulate me.#you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO#SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me.#i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness#you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.
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black-and-yellow · 28 days
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The walk home from UA
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f1-birb · 4 months
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mclaren Here to stay 🧡
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vilnmelling · 1 day
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Oh. Oh god.
So that earlier post I made today? About things people don't mention enough about Richie's death?
Well, I'm a writer (both of fanfiction and original works ((got a book to publish later this year)), and my mind may have just presented me with a horrific idea...
What if I wrote a fic of Richie's whole death scene. Start to finish, including the things we don't see, but only hear about. Wouldn't that be something, huh
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lynxgirlpaws · 6 months
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Thinking about that time I went downtown and saw these lmao
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uncanny-tranny · 4 months
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I'm by no means recovered fully, but it genuinely feels so... freeing and exalting to be excited to eat, to look forward to a meal you're making. I can feel it changing my brain chemistry 💛
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thebirdandhersong · 8 months
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I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.
#in other words today has been an oddly sad day! discovering that the friends you've made have their own group chats#that are separate from the general group chat (that no one ever talks on) that you aren't a part of is......... i don't know#i KNOW i'm liked by them and i KNOW they love me but do they WANT me around?#like. i know i'm not UNpleasant to have around. i am a good listener and a good conversationalist.#i work very hard at it because it doesn't come naturally to me.#but clearly that's not enough to be added to exclusive group chats! clearly that's not enough to be part of inner core circles#i don't know this just came out of nowhere and i feel as if i've been slapped in the face#sitting at a table where people are talking about the thing someone sent to the group chat#or the photo or quote or reel someone sent to someone else is....... bizarre.#i am trying not to be so hurt by it! i am trying not to take it so personally#it happens. i know it happens. i know it will keep happening. it is just that i thought this was a place where i wouldn't be lonely#and this is the dorm community i've invested so much of my time and energy and love into since last year.#so i think i'm justified in being a little upset!#i'm not crying about it but that's because i'm not about to cry with other people sitting here in the study lounge!#the math is probably really wrong here but i thought that if i poured love in for the sake of pouring love in#somehow somewhere along the line i would also receive love. that i would actually be a part of this community.#anyway that's not going to change how i live here! i committed myself to doing my best this last year#because i don't want anyone to feel left out or unwanted or lonely. i already made the decision#to do everything i can to love the people here.#i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do!#i have birthday cards planned! i have midterm snacks planned!#i've just worked out how i can print christmas and easter cards and stickers!#i'm GOING to love darn it all i'm GOING to pour love in#i think it hurts especially because there's the boy problem going on too#of not being wanted in an area that i DIDN'T expect to be wanted in#and then learning that there is a collective not being wanted in this whole community#it is a Lot and it is very hard and i don't know what to do with it!#i have had this lie (that i'm inherently unloveable and undesirable) in my head since childhood#and i've worked SO HARD to shut that voice up. and it is so so hard to not believe it right now
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svtskneecaps · 11 months
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personally i think the best way to look at this election in terms of "who am i (as a viewer) going to vote for" is that first and foremost, for us, this is a STORY. we are watching a story (and also a fun game and funny people doing funnies together, but for election purposes we'll say that)
therefore our goal should not be "which candidate has the best policies" or "which candidate is best for the island". we don't CARE. that's not our business.
we don't care what's good for the islanders. THAT'S NOT OUR BUSINESS. we're not islanders nor are we players. we are the guy in the bar watching the Truman show. our business is "what story do we want to see?"
each candidate offers something different.
(note: i don't claim to understand their platforms, for personal reasons i haven't followed it closely bc i kinda suspected there was gonna be drama and didn't feel like stressing myself over minecraft politics; my local elections freak me out enough lol)
for a rough example:
elquackity: obvious federation plant, clear enemy for the rest of the server. man-vs-government arc.
forever: did you like cellbit's infiltration arc? i could predict something like that following in forever's footsteps (forever sneaks around the federation, learns a few secrets, continues to make his changes to the server but does perhaps experience horrors, most likely a slower burn than cellbit's arc but certainly a lot of espionage and theorycrafting)
gegg: gegg chamg e world
those of y'all with a sounder grasp on candidates, sound off in the notes on what we can expect FROM A STORY PERSPECTIVE; i actively ignore the debates (they make me want to cry lmfao). i don't care what their platform is exactly, where will it take the story?
and i'll repossess your liver if i see any goddamn cc hate or harassment in there. this is more than not a safe space for that, this is an active danger zone. watch yourselves. <3
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thelaurenshippen · 5 days
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in honor of the wicked trailer, I'm dropping this here in case anyone's never seen it before. cynthia erivo, queen
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a-s-levynn · 5 months
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"Even if the sky cracks in mourning / And the heavens just won't open up for me" A Series of Small Offerings - II/12 - day20
#a series of small offerings#sleep token fanart#elaboration on this piece further down in the tags because this one may confuse people i think#(also please note that i firmly believe that the from the room below version of this song is the superior one)#(so the art was made with that version in mind because that is the version that lives rent free in my brain for reasons)#i've been thinking so much how to approach this one.. i knew pretty much since i've made the challenge that i will go with this line#specifically because i refuse to hear it as the lyrics sites and spotify tells me to hear it (as it appears in the post) but instead#i don't hear the 'the' in any version of the song i'm sorry that is just not there#so i'm convinced it is 'as the sky cracks in mourning'#(sky cracking-lightning;sky mourning-rain)#which is also exactly how the song feels to me#being a sad wet cat of a person standing bare feet in a strom and just crying 'why i was i so blind to my own hubris'#specifically in relation of finally (and far too late) understanding you fucked up a relationship so bad it still hurts years after#if you've ever felt anything remotely similar you know what i'm talking about#and you get why i refuse it being 'in the morning' instead of 'in mourning'#vessel i#vessel#vessel sleep token#vessel fanart#sleep token band#sleeptoken#levynn tries to draw#sleep token#edit: i don't mean to offend those who stand behind the line being 'in the morning' btw i just don't hear it#and i don't think i'm correct. i'm correct for me. not in your stead. half the lyrics can be heard at least two ways#edit2: appearently i'm actually right about something for a change.. a truly unusual turn of events#see comments for referrence pls#also edited this post to the correct lyrics#but leaving the tags for context 'cause thw original version of the post has been rb-d before editing i think
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bitchthefuck1 · 1 month
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Not an "art with Bad Things in it is Bad" person or a "the more Bad Things a work has the better it is, actually" person, but a secret third thing (the quality of a work is determined not by what topics or ideas it contains but by whether/how it engages with and examines those ideas)
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fleshadept · 7 months
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simultaneously living on my own for the first time & being poor sucks in a lot of ways but i am so appreciative of everything these days. food is so expensive, and it goes bad quickly if you're not paying attention, but it takes months to go bad if you freeze it. i eat a lot of sandwiches and enjoy eggs for breakfast so i bought a spiral-sliced ham which was more expensive than regular ham up front obviously but it's lasted me more than a month and makes me feel fancy to warm up a slice in the pan with my eggs or put it on my sandwich. spices can be super cheap as things go and i've been having a lot of fun adding random ones to my regular dishes to make them even a little better. the things you can do with maruchan ramen (try adding sriracha. oml) is absolutely amazing. good food makes my whole day.
i didn't have a silverware tray (container? standy-uppy-thing?) in the dishwasher when i moved in but something went wrong with the dishwasher and maintenance gave me one when they fixed it! i've never been more excited to load the dishes. it looks so neat in there now. keeping my space clean now that it's my space in general just feels so much more satisfying.
i don't know. a lot of the money stuff sucks and it's stressful but i've been really surprised about how much i've been able to appreciate and enjoy things i didn't before. and finding little things to be way too excited about is so nice
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sicklyworm · 24 days
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The best worst moment of my life was when I made a Wei Wuxian playlists only for it to match up to what I listen to almost perfectly.
Click here for it
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annalyticall · 13 days
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Sometimes I think I haven't achieved much over the last 10 years but then I remember the small ways I've made art for other people and how much they enjoyed it and I think maybe that's enough. Maybe that's okay
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deoidesign · 26 days
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I love Time and Time Again!! It was genuinely interesting to see two characters talk things out. Of course they kept secrets, but they knew when to reveal them and that made me want to stick around and read it. Thankyou for making such a wonderful comic!!
Thank you so much!!!
This really means a lot to me <3
I think there's generally a tendency to believe that relationships can't be nice in a romance or the story will be boring.
I understand where this idea comes from, stories should have conflict! And, real world relationships have conflict, as well. They always will! It makes sense that most stories centered around relationships would, inevitably, at some point, have disagreements, fights, anger...
I get why others enjoy it, its messy it's fun it's drama! but for me personally it just stresses me out since I've done so much work to NOT be like that!
As a writer, when presented with two people who are reasonably at odds with eachother, where neither of them is in the wrong per se, but someone still ends up hurt... it's a fun challenge to write them working through it in a believable way. it's a fun challenge, too, to put them into situations that feel equal and human.
I just think it's a necessary thing for who I am as a person to write relationships the way I do, and so I'm just very very very glad that other people resonate with it as well!
It means a lot. Thank you.
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