#Overflow: Downfall

[soulofzurvan]

Overflow: Downfall p.38-50

<< Previous \\ Masterpost // coming First of July >>

The mug was there already. I did not add it just because of Pride Month.

[koenigami]

Caleb being the cause of his own possessive and manipulative tendencies is funny but also sad to me.

He wants to have you all to himself because he knows that after his staged death, you’ve belonged to the world. Nobody was tying you down, you had no one to return to anymore, nobody that you could call home anymore. But that exact same thing is what gives you so much power over him.

Because you had no choice but to get used to the loneliness. You know what it is like to lose loved ones, or at least to believe that you’ve lost someone close to you.

He knows that he needs you more than you need him, and that is why he is so desperate to win you back and convince you that you don’t need anyone else but him. Because he needs you, nobody but you.

So after having managed to narrow down the vast world around you until all that was left there was just him and you, it cuts him deep when, during an argument, you spew all his insecurities right at him. Especially so because those are simply truthful facts that he has never been proud of.

“I’ve been to hell and back for you, and with you.” The cold look in your eyes scares him, sends chills down his spine, and for a moment he doesn’t realize that he has stopped breathing. He braces himself for the inevitable, but hopes that you’re stronger than him. More compassionate than him. You’ve always been so.

“I’ve had to convince myself that I’d never see you again, Caleb. So what makes you think that I won’t be able to grieve for you a second time?”

It is only when he’s on his knees in front of you, clinging onto you as he sinks his fingers into each of your thighs and presses his forehead against your body-

With a shuddering breath, pleas falling from his trembling lips as the tears in his eyes threaten to overflow, Caleb realizes that he will never be your world.

You will be his lifeline, as much as his possible downfall. You will always have the upper hand because you know what a life without him is like while he would never even dare to imagine a world without you.

[kiitzuna]

so..... kriselle. right guys?

⚠ DELTARUNE CHAPTER 3+4 SPOILERS ⚠

tw// csa mention

to preface, this is just my own reading. you are free to interpret the weird route and its contents how you wish. you are not required to take my reading as the end all be all.

horror has always had somewhat of an inherent sexual (and queer) undertone to it but it doesnt mean that you cant write it without it- i love horror that blends real life psychology and human experience with the otherworldly because there is SO MUCH you can do with it and it gets scary because most of the time it feels like something that could actually happen under the right circumstances… although when youre including a supernatural element (such as the player) the circumstances change and you need to recategorize and take more care to understand certain actions while still being conscious so that you are not just writing something torture porn-esque. this is an otherworldly entity (the player) taking the place of the human (kris) and acting within human bounds (kris cannot shapeshift or anything like that, we're limited to what their human body is capable of) to perpetuate the horror.

in context of the couch scene this is the moment that kris can no longer hide the existence of the other entity inside them from noelle. the secret is entirely out in the open and noelle knows that there is something unbelievably wrong with kris. i dont think noelle understands that it's us, the player, doing this to her because she doesn't know its a game but she absolutely knows that whoever it is is not kris. we are forcing noelle to confont that it was all real, it wasn't a dream, and it finally snaps her when we put the thorn (i.e. thornring) back on her finger. we've pushed noelle to her limit, 'used up' all of who noelle originally was and forcibly turned her into another vessel for our actions.

the loss of innocence is a common trope explored in horror, but i personally feel like this is moreso focused on the loss of autonomy than the loss of innocence. ch2 is noelle murdering monsters en masse and probably being berdly's cause of death. that innocence is already gone, but innocence can take on various forms and meanings which can alter the way we perceive certain situations as more one thing than the other. the thorn is representative of our control over noelle, we force kris to pierce it back through her hand during the couch scene which cements our authority over her. i understand why people could interpret the scene as being mainly the loss of innocence, with the rose wilting it could be read like an allegory for deflowering, but i believe that the scene is moreso focused on us removing her limitations. we've overflowed the pot on the stove and now she's stronger than ever. even not on the weird route, noelle exhibits behaviours of wanting to strangle berdly and take control of her life for once, whether joking or not. she was already really fascinated by her own power in ch2, finding out that yes actually she isnt powerless and she can take things for herself, as long as she listens to kris- hence her saying 'Thank you.' towards the end of the route.

what makes weird route kriselle so interesting is that kris doesnt want this. when noelle is close to kris and she begins to trigger the downfall of events, kris is trying to cover her mouth desperately to stop her. kris wants nothing more than to keep noelle from experiencing everything all over again. it's not just kris abusing noelle torture compilation. with not only closet scene where kris is trying to hit us with the hockey stick but also the bathroom scene we see just how fucking ANGRY kris is at us- literally beating the shit out of the soul…. both in a 'why would you ever make me do this?' way but also in a 'you broke her' way.

we've taken these childhood friends with such a strong connection and forced them to rip themselves to shreds. we've broken them to their core. i don't think noelle is capable of saving kris, i don't think she wants to anymore. in the few moments she had left between the start and the end of the couch scene, she's lost that will.

noelle's now broken, she's lost herself because we took her autonomy. just like kris. a cage. a vessel. we've given her the power to take whatever she wants, we've removed her limitations, we've made her stronger.

as long as she listens to us.

------------------------------ start of edit ------------------------------

with that being said, @enuratled made some good points and connections in their reblog of my post and i want to elaborate on/include them in the main post due to wanting to ensure that im not coming off as discrediting or attempting to disprove the loss of innocence reading while explaining more of my position.

"...it's not necessarily that i disagree but I think loss of autonomy is loss of consent, loss of ability to consent and I think that's very much what the rose deflowered imagery is pointing us towards."

the loss of autonomy is the loss of consent which in turn can also mean the loss of innocence. all of these tropes and concepts are intertwined and you can't really fully separate them, although the loss of autonomy/consent/innocence doesn't always indicate a sexual connotation. my reading chooses to focus more on the psychological rather than the sexual, so i guess its just my piece of the puzzle when it comes to dissecting this. there is clearly a reading here that involves a sexual undertone because of the defloration and understandably so- this is something that happens in real life and depending on your background or perceptions may be the first thing your mind jumps to when you see this scene play out.

"it uses the same dialogue, noelle begging herself to move but being unable to, it has the rose being deflowered, it has kris forcing the ring onto her hand, it happens in her fucking bedroom! her most private space! the place where she's supposed to be the safest! she asked them to come in! in this case, the imagery of sexual assault is being used to convey the inability to consent."

a good point on the reading of csa. this makes the reading more prominent and ties it back into autonomy and consent.

"...a lot of good readings of the weird route comes hand in hand with discussions about comphet, and how dangerous it is to force these very gendered roles onto kids (or teens) who explicitly don't conform, or want to conform to these things. snowgrave, as much as it is about autonomy, power and player control, can also be read about gender and sexuality, especially with how it utilises this imagery of marriage."

ive read the hellspawnmotel analysis many times over and its one of my favourites, i think the concept is really solid and you echo the same sentiments with that here. there is clearly a strong theme of identity/gender/sexuality beneath the surface of deltarune and especially with weird route kriselle.

I understand that [c]sa is a very taboo topic, and it's not necessarily in-line with the usual host of 'dark' themes we expect to see in games like this, but that doesn't mean the narrative can't utilise the commentary that comes with it, or the imagery used for it. again, I don't think it has to be read as sexual assault, but I don't think that's an unfair or unearned reading.

i agree, it being taboo doesnt mean that the reading isn't or can't be there. i am not attempting to say 'you cant see it like this!' or 'youre wrong and im right!' because everyone is entitled to their own perceptions of a scene, especially when it is not explicitly stated or shown in the text. personally (just me, you dont need to feel the same), i feel it's just too heavy to be thrust onto us if that is the intended context with no warning. maybe thats the intention, to drop it on us with no warning like it would happen in real life, but i honestly can't see that being how it was originally intended.

i think where this scene creates so much clashing of readings is again that you cannot really separate loss of autonomy from loss of consent and loss of innocence from either. these tropes can be interpreted in different ways- sexually, psychologically, physically, etc. its up to you to decide how you want to read it. the reading of csa has a lot of evidence for it and a strong argument. i dont think its wrong, but im personally not sure that should be our main takeaway.

my main reason for why i emphasize the focus on the loss of autonomy in the way i have is that a lot of people have decided to take the reading of csa as what happens explicitly, treating this scene as if you've genuinely done this to noelle.

if this is to be taken literally like how a good chunk of the fandom is treating it unfortunately, we're the ones who are doing this to noelle and kris. these actions are our own. they're our choices. this isn't kris, its us, the player. i do not want to be responsible for the sa of noelle, i wouldnt want to play a game where im forced to commit csa. it doesn't feel right. i don't think toby would put that into deltarune directly. you can read it as csa being what happens after the screen cuts to black if you want to, but honestly thinking about the implication that i as the player forced kris to rape or deflower noelle makes me want to curl up, puke blood, and die.

i dont think anyone wants to be burdened with that. thank you to @enuratled for allowing me to use parts of their reblog in my edit, and i hope this adds a bit more context to the entire post and where i come from! everyone can read it in their own way, and i do not wish to discredit anyone by suggesting a different reading of the scene. please consider reading their additions to my post in their reblog to see everything they said, as i believe it does hold a lot of merit.

------------------------------ end of edit ------------------------------

UPDATE: rose was patched out. i feel kind of vindicated but my feelings are honestly mixed....... you can still interpret the scene how you want but i think it's pretty clear toby didn't intend for the graphic to be taken that way. sucks we had to lose the rose because of that but it's for the best considering.... theres a lot of ways that the fandom was taking the csa allegory too far and blending it with other ones which snowballed into a whole new thing and i kinda dont want to go through a year of kris misgendering and "toby fox put child rape in his game". (even though he didnt. its an allegory. one that i dont personally wish to focus on but others can at their own will.) which i think is kinda reasonable

UPDATE 2: THE VISUAL WAS CHANGED AGAIN! this time i feel like it lines up with my analysis even more and really conveys how visceral and painful it is

the way that it both shatters out from her heart to indicate we've broken noelle and extends out like blood vessels... this is us turning noelle into another vessel for our actions....

shatter effect - we've broken noelle

extending out like blood vessels - tied to the heart/SOUL and 'vessel' can be a play on vessel/cage like how we're turning noelle into a vessel

the extensions having small sharp protrusions - rose stems have thorns

idk man i think the scene is perfect

this visual is so insane i love it

[satoruhour]

UNDERCUT

a/n: based off a tweet that said gojo would purr if u touched his undercut. listened to peace piece while writing ✶

there is something about lying on sheets that match gojo satoru’s hair, while the gentle breeze of the autumn morning filters through your blinds. there are both birds singing in the trees and butterflies in your stomach from merely having your lover close to you; it’s second nature to wake up and crave his warmth.

undercut’s getting long. we’d have to trim it soon.

and when your silence and thoughts are interrupted by someone’s morning groans and hums from the glare of the tokyo sky, a smile naturally graces your lips. even now, your hand hasn’t stopped brushing through his locks.

“good morning, my love,” the expression he gives matches yours exactly: his chest immediately feels tight when he sees you, morning breath and all, he gets giddy and tingly and wants to kiss you all over. you’re wondering why he hasn’t done it yet.

slow like the morning, slow like these words, satoru props himself up with his elbows, easily reaching for your face before you both sink into a gentle, slow kiss. it’s so sweet that you’re sure it could turn (faux) insult into ardour and you don’t even notice you need air until the both of you break away and giggle softly at your flushed faces. 

“your undercut is growing fast, y’know. we’d have to cut it soon,” the tips of your fingers run over the short strands of hair subconsciously, mouth gaping open a little when satoru closes his eyes and hums at the feeling.

“do it again.”

you laugh, “okay,” and you do, softly guiding your hands over the fuzzy hairs and gaining content sighs and soft moans from the man. gojo has to hide in your stomach, needing to be closer to you as you continue your hypnotising gesture.

“like it when your hair’s touched, huh?” the other hums yet again.

“only when my baby’s doing it.” there’s a ghost of a smile in your stomach, possibly from hearing the flutters of the butterflies in your tummy.

his embrace tightens around you when he sits up, towering over you now as the sky turns dark for a morning shower. fickle-minded weather, satoru would say, click his tongue and shake his head and you grin harder imagining it; your lovers asks why.

“nothing, just thinking.”

“of me? you better be, darling,” gojo thumbs your waist under the shirt you’re wearing, sleep still evident in his voice in the way he slurs his words — it could also be that he’s terribly, deeply in love with you and is simply high off of your presence.

and if that wasn’t the case before, it is now when he leans in again for a rougher kiss, moaning into your mouth as you continue to stroke his undercut. he can taste the sun on your mouth and the imminent rain to come all on you.

“i love you like how poets write,” satoru whispers against your lips in between kisses, and he runs hot, the back of his neck heating up from how much he adores you; it almost burns like flames licking at paper. “how the rain chases the sun.”

gojo tears a little because how the fuck would he have gotten this much love under the home of one of the most powerful clans? essentially nothing — and now he has the closest resemblance of a deity in his arms who knows exactly how many spoons of sugar he likes in his tea and how kikufuku is made from one of his rambles.

“you’re okay, i got you.” you mumble, fingers prepared at his eyes (you heard him sniffle). “i love you too.” 

gojo’s heart is full when you reply to his confession, kissing you again (favourite thing in the world) and stifling smiles as the rain makes its first fall in the serenity of your room. he thinks of declaring his love, but is certain his love would overflow later at breakfast, at reading hour, at movie night.

satoru merely settles for calling you his sweet, sweet girl in between saccharine pecks and making sure he loves you louder than that morning downfall and every other downpour that’s sure to come.

if you know me i think you’ll know i have a problem with this gojo obsession

[prettieinpink]

MAKING FRIENDS ♡

Friends add so much value to your life. Especially ones that you like, and there is a positive healthy exchange of support and love in between. However, some of us do struggle to create meaningful friendships that last. To start this post, I will start by talking about how friendships are essential to becoming the best versions of ourselves. 

Friends help us in many ways, even if they don’t even do it directly. We discover new things about ourselves just by talking to them, we have a sense of belonging and build our self-esteem. It’s not impossible to have these things and be alone, though being alone for extended periods can fester feelings of social isolation & loneliness. 

As someone who’s experienced both, usually, these feelings can make us spiral deeper as it is just the tip of the iceberg. Humans need daily communication to feel sane, which has been proven again and again. 

If you decide to invest a lot more time, effort, and energy in friends, there’s bound to be an overflowing amount of rewards. Hanging around the right people can open up new opportunities for yourself drive you closer to achieving your goals and help advance your skills. 

This being said, if you invest in the wrong people or neglect your friends, the opposite will more than likely happen. Remember that the people you allow in your life can influence you, whether for better or worse. 

REDEFINING YOUR MINDSET TOWARDS MAKING FRIENDS 

Your mindset is so crucial to making friends. It can either help you or not. Another thing is that your mindset towards life, in general, can either repel or attract people to be around you. 

Firstly and importantly, do not get attached to people you barely know. Don’t overthink about them, change yourself for them or get anxious waiting for a reply. Seriously, detach. Little things like replies or if they’ll like you, should not bother you. The concept of it bothering you should not even exist in your mind. 

Secondly, do not think of humans as assets to support your growth. This is just so icky and once you get that materialistic perspective on friendships, it just becomes harder to create meaningful ones. While friends can help you grow and achieve your goals, they will drop you once they realise they’re being taken advantage of. 

Thirdly, stay true to yourself. A bit of common advice, yet not widely followed. Never, ever, make the effort to change yourself for someone to like you a bit better. If someone doesn’t like you for just who you are, they’re not meant to be in your life, forcing it causes unnecessary & avoidable circumstances.

Fourthly, quality over quantity always. When you get older especially, it shouldn’t be your priority to gain masses of friends. Most likely, not all of your friends like you because it’s harder to invest in all of them and causes you to neglect them. 

However, having quality friends who help you grow and succeed will never stop serving you in life even if that friendship falls out. Plus, you are too busy achieving your goals every day to entertain everyone you know. 

Lastly, do not allow disrespect just because you’re friends. They will test the waters to see how much you can tolerate, then you allow them to, they’re just going to get more extreme with it. Identify disrespect in ‘jokes’ or casual conservation and call it out. These people are praying for your downfall. 

That being said, just because it is not happening to you, don’t allow it. Once you establish yourself as only wanting respect, you’re going to get treated like it. 

DEFINING YOUR INNER AND OUTER CIRCLE 

Your inner circle consists of people whom you are close to, and have healthy and positive relations with them. These are the kind of people who you’d go to for emotional support or to celebrate great successes in your life. 

Then, you have your outer circle. These can be people who you’re close to, but they’re not the closest. It consists of people who you talk to regularly, but there’s still that distance. Distance is not a bad thing at all in friendships, not everyone is meant to be your closest friend.

Now those two terms are established, I want you to visualise how you want those two circles to look. These can be people who you want to be friends with, wanting to cut anyone off or just people who you hope to meet one day. 

Then define how you want to feel with those two circles, like a loving or caring circle, or a growth and learning circle. This is completely up to you, about how those circles feel and look like as it is for you. 

I recommend writing your visualisations down and putting them somewhere you can see regularly. This is just to help us get into the energy of making meaningful friendships every day.

STANDARDS + CRITERIA IN FRIENDS 

The heading is a little bit off-putting, I understand. However, it is essential to establish a set of standards once you start making friends. This is to make sure you’re making quality friendships, and not attaching to just anyone. 

This is a bit of individual advice, you have to curate your standards by yourself. A personal example is that I’m Christian myself, I believe in God and I’m devoted to him. 

So, in that case, I won’t allow other religions or non-religious people into my inner circle. While they can be in my outer circle, I would prefer having most of my friends believe in God and uphold his values. 

Standards and criteria in friends can either be a must quality (they must have this quality) or a preferred quality (I prefer if they did, don’t mind if they don’t). You decide which qualities are which, and if they apply to your inner or outer circle. 

Can’t say much, but to help you, I advise looking into yourself internally and once again, visualising what those friendships look like daily. To help, I’ve gathered a few journaling prompts!

 What do you think are the responsibilities of friendship?

What is the nicest thing a friend could ever do for you? 

What do you think friendship is?

How do you expect the aftermath to be after an argument with a friend?

How can someone become a part of your inner circle? 

What behaviour makes you want to cut someone off?

Who were your favourite friends in the past? What did they do to become your favourite?

How would you like to be shown appreciation daily? 

Do you like banter or prefer showering each other with compliments? 

Then, extract from your responses to these prompts, some characteristics or traits that you look for in friendships. 

BECOMING SOCIALLY ELOQUENT The first tip i’m going to give to you is to read. Not just in your head, but out loud reading. Read, and see if you’re going too fast or too slow, you’re pronouncing words clearly and know when to pause. Bonus points if you record yourself reading, then rewatch it to see your progress. 

Search up any words you don’t know and how to pronounce them, and to test yourself, think of a way to use those words in an everyday sentence. 

While this helps to expand your vocabulary as well, really keep in mind the setting of the conservation. If you’re at a science and math invention fair, more advanced language is suited. However, you wouldn’t use that same way of speaking casually at a party. 

The second tip is to get rid of all filler words in your vocabulary. 

Like

Um

Uh

so

Unnecessary when speaking and it can make you an unengaging conservationist. Just take a pause when thinking, and if you forget what you were talking about, tell your listener or just change the topic. Sometimes, these words are needed when speaking, but not all the time. 

The third tip is just to do everything slower, while speaking. Move your hands slower, don’t dart your eyes around and take deep breaths before speaking. If not, you seem anxious and jittery, in which your words will not be clear. 

The fourth tip is to pay attention to the listener. Make eye contact with them and ask questions about them too. This makes it a lot more engaging and therefore, easier for the listener to listen. 

My fifth tip, and the most important, is to practice speaking. Whether it is in front of a mirror or with a partner. Use notes as reminders while practising to help you remember what to do. There are even videos on YouTube where you can pretend you’re having a conversation with someone, or you could just make your own. 

However, practice yourself to speak without preparation. Like for example, you strike up a conservation with your classmate and apply the things you’ve learnt. 

Bear in mind, that the whole point of becoming socially eloquent isn’t to make people listen to you, but to make it easier for people to listen to you. 

MAKING FRIENDS + KEEPING THEM

Now everything else is out of the way, let’s talk about what you probably came here for. How to make friends and keep them. Better said than done. 

The settings where you meet someone are important. It allows you to easily connect with people who are similar to you in any way, without actually having to state it. Here are a few places to meet people.

Church/any religious site (same beliefs)

Sports club (like that sport/exercise) 

Any classes (people who like learning/that hobby) 

School or university (you’ve got something to connect over) 

These are just a few examples of where to meet people, however, you do not have to go somewhere else just to meet someone. Sometimes, I go to my nearest shopping mall or supermarket either after school or on the weekend and talk to any girls who look around my age, with whom I’ve gained so many friends. 

While going to a particular setting helps to find people with similarities, it’s not the essential piece to meet people. 

If you struggle to make friends just by striking up a conversation, just make yourself known to others first. Help them when needed, compliment them or greet them daily. They will most likely approach you first and talk to you first as you’ve deemed yourself approachable. Do not rely on this method though, not everyone is willing to approach you. 

Once you find a potential friend and you’re talking to them, make sure it’s an engaging conversation. First, ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are ones that someone can expand on, basically not yes or no answers. 

Do you own any cats? -> What’s your favourite cat breed? 

Do you enjoy *activity*? -> What’s your favourite thing to do after school? 

When can we hang out? -> Where’s your favourite place to hang out?

These are the kinds of questions that you get to know someone and are engaging. Remember, do not be overbearing with questions, it can come off as kinda odd. 

Secondly, find any similarities and talk about them. For example, a sport, a favourite book, a hobby, religion. It is so easy for people to connect over their favourite things. 

Thirdly, have open and friendly body language. Smile when they’re talking, maintain eye contact, avoid crossing your arms and legs, and lean in to show you’re listening. People love love, good listeners. 

My fourth point which refers back to being good listeners, is remembering what they say. If they said, oh I love going to the beach, maybe suggest going to the beach together. Or, they said, I hate studying, then the next time they have a test, help them study. 

Lastly, avoid small talk. It becomes awkward and the answers are always the same. If you must, ask them about things that happened in their life. Like, how’s that boy you’re talking to or did you do well on that test? 

Most people also hate small talk. So, if every single conservation is just small talk, they would not want to talk to you. 

These little things that you remember can make people like you and therefore, want to be your friend. I remember stuff about people by just writing it down and occasionally referring back to it. 

Now, let’s say you’ve got your friend now. However, you don’t have a way of talking to them every day. They don’t live close by nor do they attend your school/uni/any place. So, how do we keep them?

Easy, invest in those friendships. Talk to them via messages or phone, schedule days to hang out, check up on them to make sure they’re doing well, be honest with them, remember important dates of their lives etc. 

Keeping friends is just about being a good friend to them. Just think about how you would like to get treated by your friends and treat them like that. Even if they don’t reciprocate, putting out those positive actions, will come back to you one day. 

[dogmasquerade]

god okay disco elysium fans try and understand the consequences of actions challenge. jean is a dick but also he's like that... for a reason. kim has literally only just met harry he has no frame of reference for the past and NEITHER DOES THE PLAYER. Jean's been with harry since he was sober. he's seen the downfall. harry's gone clean before and all that happens is he fell in again. none of yall have had to be friends with an addict and it shows. it's constant. its painful. eventually compassion fatigue. you just can't care like you used to because every single time you offered a hand it got bit. sunk cost fallacy forces you to stay but its like poison. toxic, eating away at you, an albatross. you can't leave him but you can't live with him. you know hes hurting so so bad but the hurt spills from his overflowing heart into anger and its directed at you.

anyway td;lr jean's got good reason for giving up on harry, martinase was just his final straw. its not just "ough you shouted at me while being mentally ill once and now im mad :(" its "i have watched you systematically destroy yourself from the inside out. you are burning alive and every time i try to help you i get burnt. you have embraced the flames at this point and i don't know how else to help anymore. you arent who i used to know."

EXCEPT HE DOESN'T EVEN DO THAT BECAUSE HE CAME BACK. he came back literally as soon as the waterlock got fixed. he still fucking cares.

[mllemaenad]

There's a great deal I don't like about Veilguard but I have to hand it to them on "Andraste was probably a dwarf" being an idea that would piss off everybody. The Orlesian Chantry would hate it. The Tevinter Chantry would hate it. Orzammar would hate it.

And yet.

I know I'm not saying anything new here – others have raised it before – but the most likely candidate for the being Andraste encountered is a titan.

Eyes sorrow-blinded, in darkness unbroken There 'pon the mountain, a voice answered my call. "Heart that is broken, beats still unceasing, An ocean of sorrow does nobody drown. You have forgotten, spear-maid of Alamarr. Within My creation, none are alone." Lo! My eyes open'd, shining before me Greater than mountains, towering mighty, Hand all outstretch'd, stars glist'ning as jewels From rings 'pon His fingers and crown 'pon His brow. Sword-shattering fear filled me overflowing. Grandeur of godhood no gaze should defile. Trembling, I called out: "Forgive me, Most High, I should sing Your Name to the heights of heaven, But I know it not, and must be silent." The Wellspring of All said, "None now remember. Long have they turned to idols and tales Away from My Light, in darkness unbroken The last of My children, shrouded in night." There I saw the Black City, towers all stain'd, Gates once bright golden forever shut. Heav'n filled with silence, then did I know all And cross'd my heart with unbearable shame. Then did I see the world spread before me, Sky-reaching mountains arrayed as a crown, Kingdoms like jewels, glistering gemstones Strung 'cross the earth as a necklace of pearl. "All this is yours," spake the World-Maker. "Join Me in heaven and sorrow no more." The Chant of Light: The Canticle of Andraste

It's hard to ignore the similarity between this and Dagna's experience of becoming "mountain tall" and thinking "all the thoughts", or more recently, of Harding's interaction with a titan:

It's also interesting to think that, with that context, the business about the Maker's children living in darkness may not be some metaphor about ignorance and worshipping false gods, but a literal statement on the fate of the dwarves, who were first driven underground by the Elvhenan empire and then driven to the brink of extinction by the blight.

While it's possible that a human or an elf might contact a titan, we only really know of dwarves developing bonds with them. And there's strong evidence for intermarriage between the dwarves and the Alamarri. There are two legends specifically about this: Tyrdda Bright-Axe and Luthias Dwarfson (and while World of Thedas I says that "Dwarfson" was a name given him later in life, given, well, everything about his story, I strongly suspect Luthias was very much always a dwarf). Notably both legends also lean heavily into trade deals and alliances. So I think we can say with confidence that dwarves lived with, and interbred with, the various Alamarri tribes.

So, yeah, Andraste was probably a dwarf. Maybe a half-dwarf. Who knows? But very dwarfish.

What I find fascinating is how that is probably what allowed her to shape the world ... and how it likely also led to her downfall.

Communion with and/or reverence for spirits is the common state of religion in Thedas. It can be easy to forget that, given how prevalent Andrastanism is in the modern day, but go back to any traditional culture and you find spirits: the Rivaini, the Avvar, the Chasind, the Nevarrans, even the foreign Kossith were animists before they were Qunari – it's spirits all the way down.

So if an Alamarri mage were to encounter a spirit that claimed to be a god ... well, that'd be business as usual, right? Depending on how persuasive Andraste was, and how persuasive the spirit was, maybe the tribe would get a new god. But it wouldn't be, well, earth-shattering, let's say.

But if our girl is a dwarf ... well, dwarves don't do that. They very much do not engage with spirits. They don't touch the Fade. It's one thing everybody knows about dwarves! Yeah, they'll stab a demon if it's present in the physical world and trying to kill people, but they do not bond with spirits. So that's weird.

And furthermore, she insists it's not a spirit. Whatever it is, this being is very much not a spirit. In fact, it's got kind of a thing about spirits. Really deep grudge. Keeps pointing angrily at that strange city in the Fade? That's even weirder.

And well ...

As the Alamarri pressed against the true borders of the empire, several events convinced the faithful that theirs was a divine mission. Some were the result of the Blight, so even if there was a doubt about the Maker's role, it could be seen as Tevinter paying for its own mistakes. "The Maker, seeing the will of Our Lady, struck down mighty Tevinter with drought, wildfires and the weakening of the very earth beneath them," wrote Sister Damson in her Secrets of the Most Holy. The miracles of the day are now assumed to have been assisted by natural consequence. When the hordes of darkspawn carved their way to light during the Blight, they didn't dig with a careful eye. They bludgeoned the earth, and in the years following, the effects continued even though their scrabbling claws were gone. It is suspected that many rivers were diverted as natural caverns fractured and water found a new path. Thaigs reported underground reservoirs drying up, which corresponded to surface fields in some locations becoming parched and spare. – World of Thedas II

Now, I don't want to downplay the part the First Blight played in the fall of the Tevinter Imperium. Two centuries of war, famine and disease will absolutely cripple a nation. But also ... maybe Andraste could move rocks around. Supercharged Stone Sense could absolutely make a difference in a battle.

And that would be weirdest of all. A dwarven woman claims to talk to something that can move the earth ... and who then actually moves the earth? No wonder everyone went absolutely bonkers over it. It would defy everything everyone knew about how the world works. Even Orzammar has erased the titans from its Memories. "Well, that's a fucking miracle, I guess" actually feels like a rational response.

But then there's the dark side.

In the end, the Alamarri were victorious. But it wasn't the route that the faithful remember. There were losses, including most of the Alamarri leadership. The last reins on Andraste were lost, and they were no longer a people fighting for freedom; they were an arrow launched by the Maker. Scholars of war know that the best an arrow can hope for is a quick kill, because if the enemy is not slain, there is no returning to the bow. Examining the resources of the day, the Alamarri knew they didn't have the ability to fortify the outposts they took, and Tevinter reversed a number of Our Lady's early victories by reoccupying abandoned conquests. This had the effect of slowly flanking the Alamarri. In addition, the farther into the Imperium Andraste pressed, the more resistance she encountered. Her army was running out of governed territories eager to accept liberation. The closer they came to the heart of the empire, the more they faced the enemy on its home ground. There were a number of outright losses that history all but ignores. Andraste was now fully enraptured by her role as a messenger for the Maker. "These fringe defeats were instructions," wrote Drakon. "Our Lady was not to aim the wrath of the Maker's children at peripheral holdings. She was meant to guide this sacred force directly into the heart of the heretical monster. She was not meant to diminish Tevinter as a neighbour; she was meant to destroy it, and guide the Chant of Light from every living mouth." – World of Thedas II

I mean ... can you imagine experiencing this, with no context or understanding?

By the time Harding encounters her titan, three other teams (Warden, Champion, Inquisitor) have delved into the long and weird history of Thedas. There are pieces still missing, yes, but Harding knows about the evanuris and the war between them and the titans; that the titans once connected her people; that Stone Sense is a manifestation of that connection. Yes, she's confused and volatile, and this is all very new ... but she has some idea of what is happening to her.

Andraste would have had none of that. How much sense would she have got from her Maker? Titans tend to be cryptic at their very best, and fountains of incoherent rage at their worst.

All she may have known was that it was angry, and that fury had to go somewhere. She wasn't even, strictly speaking, pointing it the right way. Yes, between the whispers of the Old Gods and the theft of elven knowledge the Tevinter Imperium was certainly problem adjacent, but it wasn't the actual problem. The true targets for the titan's fury were completely out of reach. The last attempt to get anywhere near them nearly ended the world.

It must have eaten her alive. How much of Andraste was even left by the time they burned her? The very contact with her god was the thing that destroyed her. Its vengeance could never be satisfied so she could never be satisfied. She was doomed the moment she laid eyes on it.

Which leads me, very tiredly, here. This is all Veilguard has to say on the subject of Andrastianism:

I mean ... yeah, Harding. Andrastianism as you understand it is pretty clearly not true. Even the codexes and supplementary material constantly emphasises that these stories were stitched together from bad or late or disparate sources.

But something much more interesting and infinitely more tragic likely happened here ... and we do not get to talk about it.

[justastraymoa]

Yet Unnamed

Chapter 4

Masterlist | Ch 5.

Korean is in italics

Warnings for Yet Unnamed: Kidnapping, cuffs, injuries, drugging by injection, mentions of needles, lots of swearing, kissing, fluff, angst, idiots in love all around.

Nothing within reflects anyone or anything irl. Pics off pinterest.

************************************************************************

"I gave you the night. It's time to go public with her." JYP stated.

"You go public, and you will destroy yourself and Stray Kids, dumbass." You snapped. You had literally just established this with the others and were not feeling generous enough to have it again.

"Whether you like it or not you are contracted to JYPE. Best get over it."

"You drugged me and had me sign the contract! I do not have anything to do with JYPE!"

"Think again, honey. You signed the same contract Stray Kids signed. You are legally ours."

You gag at the pet name coming from that man's mouth.

"It won't stick. I'll tell them I was drugged. There is enough physical evidence on me to be believed." You pointed out.

JYP smirked. "You tell them that and you will be single handedly responsible for the downfall of Stray Kids. You willing to do that?"

You purse your lips and glare at him. He had you cornered, and he damn well knew it. He knew what he was doing from the very beginning. But what was his plan to get around the media finding out anyways? Or did he think he was so powerful he could make it all dissapear?

"No." Chan said firmly.

"What do you mean no? I assure you; it very much will end you. If not by media, then by me." JYP threatened.

"I don't care. You will not blackmail Y/n."

You blinked, shocked by this turn and his declaration. Looking around, it seemed like everyone was in agreement with him too.

"You would give all this up. For her?" JYP asked in disbalief.

Hyunjin stepped forward. "You underestimate our soul bond. You have done enough to her. No more."

JYP was stunned into silence. There was no way he saw this coming. You didn't even see this coming! You only just met them, yet they are willing to give up everything for you.

This whole fucking ordeal is absolutely insane. From the very beginning. What even was your life right now? This was a lose-lose situation. Either you get blackmailed into working as JYPs slave and risk the media finding out. Or Stray Kids stands against JYP for you. Either way Stray Kids are done for. Unless somehow the media never finds out the truth.

There had to be a way to head the media off at the pass. You have a degree in business with a specialty in social media and production. If anyone could do it, it was someone like you.

You gasped. You had an idea. "Let's renegotiate the contract JYP." You crossed your arms and half smirked, a plan forming that would benefit all involved.

Lee Know placed a hand on your arm. "You don't need to do that, Y/n. We have your back." He hummed quietly.

You laced your fingers with his. "I appreciate it so much. However, I think I can fix all our problems."

"And how are you going to do that?" JYP challenged.

"You really should have paid more attention to my profile when you hunted me down. I am a social media expert. Given time and the right resources, I can manipulate the facts in our favor."

"What does that mean?" Chan asked.

You smiled, giddy. You couldn't believe you were actually going to do this. "It means, if JYP will meet my terms, I won't have to hide."

"We can show you off?" Felix asked, hope overflowing his entire body.

"What do you say JYP? Tear up that sham of a contract you drugged me into signing and work with me on a new one?"

~

An hour and a half later you were wearing a pair of Hans jeans with a belt and a sweatshirt from I.N. You and Chan sat at a table in a conference room of JYPE way too similar to the room you woke up in just the day before. You eyed the couch warily as you settled in across from JYP and his big shot legal guy.

Chan would be able to help you negotiate a good contract and navigate all the tricky wording. He was a pro at this by now. Or well, better than you were at least.

It took 7 hours of going back and forth. You were not budging on your demands. You weren’t asking for anything outrageous. After what JYP did, he could bend a little for your requests. It was literally the bare fucking minimum.

The craziest thing you were asking for was to be solely in charge of all Stray Kids social media. Both solo accounts and group accounts. Even what went on JYPE pages. And every aspect that went into the posts or on any type of media.

This was part of your plan to head off anyone finding out your origin story. Plus, it gave you a job and a place here, so you weren’t just dead weight getting in people’s way or mooching off everyone. It was also the main demand that JYP was against. He didn’t want to give up that power. You weren’t going to let him keep it. It was now a game of who was going to give in first. And you were one stubborn son of a bitch.

Your heart also hadn’t stopped racing since negotiation began. Chan gripped your cold hand the entire time, not saying a word when adrenaline made your hands sweaty and start to shake. That was the only outward indication of your panic. With tremendous effort you kept your voice steady and firm the entire day.

The other members trickled in one by one as they finished up with their days, starting with Seungmin. They were interested in what was going on and even put in their own opinions at times. But mostly they made themselves comfortable and were just happy to be nearby.

In the end, JYP caved, and we reached an agreement. A terrifying, binding, agreement that was bigger than anything I ever thought I would be a part of in this lifetime.

As such you were now officially the ninth member of the Stray Kids soul group.

“I cannot believe I did this.” You whispered when JYP and his mucky much left with their copy of the new contract, your copy under the fingers of the hand Chan was not holding.

“Do you have regrets?” Chan asked quietly. There was excited chatter around the room from the others now that it was official, and you were able to go with them and not have to be hidden or blackmailed.

You pulled Chan’s hand into your lap and drew your knees up to curl around it. “More freaking out. I have never done something this huge. Or stood up to someone so huge either. I’m not sure what came over me.”

He squeezed your hand where they were both now hidden. “You did fucking amazing. And we have your back.”

Lee Know sidled up to your other side and rested his forehead on your shoulder. “Thank you. For fighting.” He whispered.

In the chaos that followed you had forgotten what happened this morning. You were so happy you wouldn’t be the cause of anyone’s pain. Lee Know snapping this morning absolutely broke your heart.

You reached up to scratch his scalp. “That’s not something you should be thanking me for.” Even though it was for the right reasons, even talking about separating and keeping me hidden caused your soulmates pain. You had caused them pain.

~

Back at the apartment the things you had requested the personal shopper get you had been delivered. And that brought up another issue that needed to be addressed.

“I am not going to permanently steal your room, Chan. I can set up a roll out in the living room and borrow some drawers.” You gesture towards the living room as you talk. Though you were sure eventually you would be close enough to all of them that you could sleep in whoever’s bed for a night or two and they wouldn’t care.

But Chan was already shaking his head before you even finished. “No. The arrangement we have works great. No way are you sleeping on a roll out.”

“Stay in the room you are in. We are all always sleeping in each other’s beds anyways, but you are the only girl. You should have your own space and your own bathroom.” Hyunjin pointed out.

Oh fuck. You were surrounded by 8 men. You are so fucked. The number of farts you were going to have to put up with on a daily basis alone was staggering!

“You know what. I’m exhausted from looking and talking with JYPs ugly ass all day, so I don’t care. I want cuddles. Who is going to cuddle me?” You asked. If you were going to do this whole soul bond thing, you were not about to do it half assed or slowly. That sounded exhausting. You’re all in. And that means your needy ass wants cuddles.

You spin on your heel and go to the living room, grabbing every pillow and blanket you could see, you piled it all up on the floor and turned on the TV.

Behind you a hushed argument was happening between the others.

“You two got to cuddle her last night!”

“Lee Know got time with her this morning after his temper tantrum.”

“Yah, fuck you!”

“Chan spent all day with her!”

"Negotiating her contract. That hardly counts!”

“You held her hand!”

“She was panicking!”

“What? She was?”

“She didn’t seem like it.”

“Trust me, she was.”

“Wow. I am impressed.”

“She did stand up to JYP.”

“You should have heard her yesterday. She looked him square in the eye, told him she didn’t like him, then called his bluff afterward!”

“Yeah, and she said she got those bruises because she broke out of her restraints. Twice.”

You sigh. They had gotten off track. “I’m awfully cold and lonely over here!” You call to them.

“Okay, okay. So, Innie, Seungmin, or Hyunjin. They are the only ones who haven’t gotten to spend a lot of time with her yet.”

“Take turns?”

“Youngest first.”

I.N finally joined you in the living room, looking awkward. You smiled gently at him from your nest of comfort.

“Do I…Do I just grab you?” He asked.

You tried not to laugh at him. He was very cute. Very unsure. “Do you want to cuddle. I won’t take offense.” You had to be sure he wasn’t just doing it because you had asked for cuddles.

His face screwed up a bit. “I want to be close. Can I just use your belly as a pillow?”

You got more comfortable and patted your stomach in invitation, quietly hoping it wouldn’t make any weird sounds when I.N had his ear pressed up against it.

“J-Jinnie can cuddle you.” He hesitated now for some reason.

You shake your head. “It’s your turn. C’mon, little bug.” You coax.

I.N blushed lightly and curled up next to you, gently laying his head on your stomach. Immediately you buried your fingers in his hair, twisting strands absently as you flipped through channels on the TV.

The others joined you a few seconds later, all finding their places around the room. Draping over chairs, couches, and each other.

Sometime later, from a cue you didn’t see or hear, I.N rolled off you and Hyunjin laid next to you, half his body on top of yours. One leg and one arm thrown over you and face in your neck. You giggle and squirm as his breath tickled down your skin.

“Mm, sorry. I just pushed through the awkward and went for it.” He explained. He shifted a bit closer, and his breath no longer tickled.

You wrapped both arms around his ribs tightly. “S’kay. I understand. Are you comfortable?”

Hyunjin hummed in affirmation. You gently traced shapes on his back with your fingertips. I.N still lay next to you, just no longer using your stomach as a pillow. Instead, he was using his own arm. You couldn’t see his face, but you were pretty sure he was at least half asleep. You fold one of the blankets you were laying on over his legs so he wouldn’t get chilled without our shared body heat.

Hyunjin was warm enough on his own to keep you both warm. He was playing on a phone absently as you relaxed. Everyone was quietly doing their own things, just enjoying the moment. Every once in a while, there were murmurs as they chatted or a video playing softly on their phones.

Then Hyunjin handed you the phone he had been on suddenly. “We all entered our number and socials for you already. And you are hooked to our shared calendar.” He told me in explanation.

You had honestly forgotten you were getting a phone. You had no idea what they did with the old one when they took you, you would need to cancel it anyway. Who knew if it would even work over here. And if it did what kind of massive charges it would incur.

Slowly, with one hand, you begin setting up your new phone to your preferences and logging into everything of yours.

“Hey look.” You said lifting the phone up and snapping a pic of you and Hyunjin as soon as he looked.

He watched as you set it as his contact photo. “I look awful.” He grumbled.

“You look cute and squishy.” You liked the photo. It was soft and authentic. No practiced or rehearsed looks or smiles. Just the two of you.

You would eventually get one of everyone, Hyunjin just happened to be right here and looking so photogenic.

“You are in charge of announcing yourself to the world now. Do you have a plan?” Chan asked.

If you were honest, not really. More half-baked ideas and a final goal. “That’s tomorrow’s issue. Today I need to book a plane ticket to my apartment.” Meaning you needed to go back and pack up, transfer everything to Korea, sell shit off, etc.

Hyunjins head popped up and several others moved towards me. “You’re leaving?” Felix asked.

“Did you think I would just leave everything behind?” You were confused about their reactions.

“But you’re coming back.” Hyunjin asked to confirm.

Oh! “Yes! I’m sorry, yes, I’m coming back. I just need to pack my things and tie up loose ends.” You assured them all. Reaching up you brushed away Hyunjins hair.

The room palpably relaxed. You needed to be more careful. It seems like they are a little attached to you right now. And you understood the feeling. If you could, you would stay with them, but there were things back at the apartment you couldn’t just abandon. Being apart would hurt, but it was necessary. And hopefully the last time you would need to be apart for a while.

“We can go with you.” Chan suggested.

You shook your read and pulled up the shared calendar on your new phone. The schedule for everyone was full to the brim for the following week and more. “You have things you have promised to be at.”

“We can cancel. We canceled several things yesterday and today.”

“And it’s starting to get suspicious. I need to stay hidden until I can get the plan in motion or none of this will work. And I don’t officially take over your socials and start enacting the plan for a little while yet while the things that are already in motion finish up.” You pulled Hyunjin back down to cuddle, he went easily enough.

“Why not take one or two of us then?” Han suggested. You knew none of them would mind joining you in the least.

“Are you worried about me, or are you worried I won’t come back?” You were sort of teasing them. You knew there would be a small part of them that would worry you would leave them for a long time yet. It was natural. Just like how you worried they wouldn’t like what you brought to the group, and they would ask you to leave.

You hit confirmation on your two-way ticket purchase. “I’ll be back in 2 weeks.” You told them before anyone could try and answer your teasing question.

“Two weeks!” Several voices nearly shouted.

You sighed. “Even though I was probably fired, I did have a job. I should at least try and give them a two week notice to find a replacement. Plus, I can’t pack up and sell my entire life in a day. Two weeks will be crazy enough!”

“Are you going to be anywhere near our fashion shows?” Felix asked. He and Hyunjin would be in New York to participate in several runway walks and appearances.

“It’s too far of a distance to drive and flying is just not feasible. You would get no rest and waste jet fuel in the process.”

Binnie pouted. “I don’t like it.”

Honestly, you didn’t either. You were hoping to get done sooner and dip a few days early, but you couldn’t be sure that would happen, so you didn’t even bring it up. Didn’t want to get their hopes up.

“When do you leave?” Chan asked sad but resigned.

“Early tomorrow afternoon.

“Move, Hyune. My turn.” Seungmin ordered. Instead of coming down to the floor with you, he pulled you onto the couch with him, settling you so you were laying on top of him, his thighs framing your hips and your head on his sternum. You relaxed into the embrace immediately. “Only have tonight, getting everything I can.” He grumbled.

Han scooted over and sat at my feet, placing a hand on my ankle and resting his head on my knee.

You open a new text, adding everyone and naming it ‘Nonet’ before sending a test text through and watching as one by one each member got the message and checked it. It’s not like they wouldn’t have a group chat eventually anyway. And you could keep in touch all day and night with this.

“Nonet. Good one.” Chan chuckled. You shrugged with a smirk at your own little joke.

“Texting won’t be enough! We just got you!” Binnie complained.

“We still have her, Bin. We ripped her from her life. Can’t just expect her to be able to start a new one right away and leave everything behind.” Lee Know explained from the other couch.

You opened your camera to get a profile picture of Seungmin, only to snap one of him making an ugly face at the camera. You snort and set it as his contact photo. “Just wait. I’ll post that on insta.” You threatened lightly.

“Nah, you won’t.”

“STAY would love it. Meme the shit out of it. You would never live it down.”

“It’s going to be interesting having you control our socials now. You think like STAY.” Lee Know mused. You wondered if he meant that as a good thing or a bad thing.

“I am STAY.” You point out.

“Not anymore. Now you’re one of us.”

That was vaguely creepy. “I’ll always be STAY.” I argued. It’s not like I just wasn’t a fan anymore just because I was in this soul group.

“No, he’s right, y/n. You will have your own fanbase now. You will need official socials and everything.” Chan said.

You very much doubted you would have fans. You would have a hate club. Everyone has haters, obviously, but as the only female in Stray Kids soul bond there would be a lot of judgement.

“I don’t think I’ll have any socials. I’ll delete them soon. Bett for my future mental health.”

Seungmin poked my cheek. “A social media expert with no social media?”

Admittedly it was weird. But you wouldn’t have time for your own socials anyways if you were going to manage the boys. It would be around the clock thing with them. Random posts, scheduled posts, bubble, lives, comments. You wouldn’t miss your own much. The itch would be scratched.

The boys were supposed to leave early in the morning. Much earlier than you planned to wake up. As such, you made sure to say your goodbyes before you went to bed for the evening. You packed a small carry-on backpack for your flight and put the rest of the things the personal shopper brought you away in your new room. When you get back from your trip, you could start personalizing the room a little maybe. Make it feel more yours and not a guest room.

♤♤♤♤♤♤

A/n my tumblr is driving me nuts and not saving and posting without permission so apologies

Yet Unnamed Taglist: @fackeraccount @velvetmoonlght @hyunjinstolemyheart @vampkittenb82 @happy-jj @estella-novella @demigoddreamon-blog @tiana-maxivar @ms-flowergirl @jennibahng @whatdoyouwanttocallmefor @mimimiloomeelomi @simpforskz143148 @xxeiraxx @lil-bear08 @brbwritingfanfic @jisungs-iced-americano @zofia515

General Taglist @stellasays45 @beebee18 @weird-bookworm @velvetmoonlght

[canine-witch]

~The Stories In The Minor Arcana~

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒

When I started reading tarot, I was told about stories that were hidden in the cards, especially the Fool's Story in the Major Arcana. As a writer, it intrigued me, especially when I learned about the stories in the Suit Cards or Minor Arcana. This method has helped me quite a bit when it comes to longer readings or more complex readings.

Today, I'd like to share how I interpret the stories of the Wands, Cups, Swords, and Pentacles. Let this be a good jumping point for your own understanding of Tarot and how to read, and I encourage you to interpet a new story, if my interpretations do not resonate.

More under the read me!

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒

The Suit of Wands is a story about a mighty warrior and excellent businessman. He builds and creates the world around him, mighty fleets of ships and excellent farmland for his people. But, forces from outside his territory see all that he has, and invades to take what he's created for themselves. He uses all his resources and time fighting back against the invaders, and eventually gets so overburdened he almost collapses under the weight. Realizing that what he created doesn't make him happy anymore, he releases it all for a more simple, holistic life.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒

The Suit of Cups is a story about a fun loving person with many friends and many lovers. He seeks a deeper connection with those around him, but they are uninterested in returning his genuine affection. He decides to leave them, and moves on to more groups of friends and lovers, who only seek to use him as well. He is grieving, dissapointed, and seeking a home. After much work, rejecting illusions, and learning his own self worth, he finally finds the people and the places who truly appreicate him, and his love for them overflows.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒

The Suit of Swords is about a talented young academic with a bright future ahead of him. He is unchallenged through most of his young life, but when he enters an academic setting, people question him, and he realizes they know more than him. He turns to underhanded methods to get ahead, losing nights of sleep or sleeping through the day with his worries. He doesn't feel like he can ever be enough. He gets more and more difficult to be around, and makes more enemies, until he falls on his own sword, and his gifts become his downfall.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒

The Suit of Pentacles is about a young artisan who earned a good living through collaborating with other artists and building a reputation. He feels as if he could lose all his hard work easily, and hoardes his gifts and talents. He loses friends, allies, community, and money, and is thrust into deep poverty. A kindly, generous rich man sees him down on his luck, and gifts him money without a thought of repayment. The young artisan uses his gifts wisely, and works hard. Now, he is richer than he ever was, and is generous and compassionate, knowing that kindness is the most valuable asset a rich man can have.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒

Thank you very much for reading, have a blessed day!

[xavviluin05]

Cultsona: The Combat Lesson Episode

The former food wasn't particularly good at combat. But how could she lead a cult if she was one of the first to climb a tree? Well, it seemed that Narinder would have to handle this.

By that time, the cult had gradually started to gain popularity. Everyone longed to find themselves in a safe, cozy place, far from the oppression of the Four Bishops and their followers.

The Cultist, by then, had trained herself in magic and taught herself how not to drop her sword during swings.

On that particular day, she gathered with her followers and was reading passages from ancient books. But their peace was suddenly disrupted by the unexpected appearance of bandits, who had also heard rumors of the warm, inviting place that harbored ancient artifacts and other valuables.

The knife whistled right past the Cultist's ears, and the leader’s sly voice mockingly drawled: "Ah, another puppet of Narinder. How charming."

He had always watched with envy as the Bishops thrived, basked in adoration, and enjoyed the easy lives they led.

Such luxuries were never meant for him. He would have spent his entire existence as a ragged outcast and thief if not for the sudden downfall of Narinder. The first heir to the fallen Bishop’s power ignited a fire within him, pushing him toward new ambitions, all aimed at seizing the crown.

He rose in stature, though not in the way he had always dreamed. He and his band became a living nightmare for the locals. His pockets overflowed with gold, but the one prize he truly craved always slipped through his grasp.

Sometimes, years passed between different crown-bearers. During those quiet intervals, the leader and his gang led a relatively calm existence. But the moment a rumor of a new crown-holder reached his ears, he lost his composure, throwing himself into a frantic hunt for his ultimate goal.

And now, he was close again.

His soul exulted and burned with impatience, though outwardly, he remained as composed as ever. Looking at the frightened group and their pitiful leader, he smirked. Trying to act the gentleman (or so he thought), he made a slight bow and purred almost like a cat: "My darling, be so kind as to hand the crown over to the one who truly deserves it. Come now, don’t be shy—I don’t bite."

The leader had already experienced failure in his pursuit of the crown. Once, he killed its current bearer, only to watch the coveted prize vanish before his eyes. The wails and curses that echoed through the forest that day were unforgettable.

He wouldn’t make the same mistake again. He would have to take this little bunny along to ensure she didn’t die prematurely.

The thought of burdening himself with such cargo didn’t thrill him, but he found the price for power and greatness acceptable. And since he’d have to spend time with the rabbit, it wouldn’t hurt to try and endear her to him in his own way.

Though he considered himself a worthy beast, he remained a crude cutthroat who never even thought that perhaps he should’ve started the encounter without acts of violence.

...Meanwhile, his gang prowled the hall, scavenging for anything valuable. Judging by their satisfied grunts, there were indeed treasures to be found.

The leader had no idea that the moment his knife embedded itself dangerously close to the Cultist’s head, her spirit immediately fled the room.

Literally.

At that very moment, she was standing in the cloudy domain of Narinder, who was growing increasingly irate as he tried to figure out what was happening below. In his thoughts, he cursed those who had imprisoned him here once again.

The Cultist herself was horrified. She had almost died. Again. And this time, it would have been for good.

The thought of losing her second chance in such a pitiful manner left her shaking—not from fear, but from rage. In her mind, she was clawing at the face of the unexpected intruder. In reality, she could do nothing against him.

Narinder was deep in thought. Preoccupied, he nearly missed the moment when his servant narrowly avoided walking straight into death’s embrace.

The Cultist, however, suddenly realized that while she was here, her body below was entirely vulnerable. Who knew what might happen to it in her absence?

“Fool,” Narinder hissed. “You should know by now that time flows differently here. No one even noticed your departure. No one ever notices when you leave.”

Though Narinder was spewing venom, the Cultist was far from a fool.

Once the panic over her supposedly unconscious body stopped clouding her judgment, she realized she could turn Narinder’s prison’s peculiarities to her advantage.

Her jumps to Narinder’s realm were instantaneous, with no delay.

By making these rapid shifts, she could quickly check the situation below and calmly devise her next move from above.

The poor leader regretted his overconfidence. He had assumed the rabbit-girl’s appearance was deceptive and found himself up against what he now believed to be the most powerful witch he had ever encountered. In his mind, she was predicting their every move and dodging every blow with ease.

For Narinder, the whole spectacle looked as bizarre as it must have felt to those below.

His servant appeared in his domain sporadically, battling some invisible enemy. At times, she paused for long stretches, mentally replaying her actions over and over. And then, just as suddenly, she vanished entirely.

After some time, her voice echoed through his domain—its tone far from the panicked squeak he was accustomed to. This time, it rang with steel.

“Prepare to welcome guests, Narinder. And enjoy your meal.”

So, the rabbit girl had learned an interesting trick.

It gave her confidence and helped her fend off various gangs and spies who had started showing up in her valley after that incident.

She began to consider that perhaps now she could push deeper into the forest, searching for the creature that had once sold her (...and also, of course, for her mission from Narinder).

But Narinder told her that while her tricks were quite entertaining, they were mostly useless against more serious opponents.

He said she should have stopped relying so much on chance and focus more on real combat.

The Cultist replied that she couldn't train alone, and asking for help from her followers would be too suspicious, especially after that incident. If they saw her mistakes, they might doubt her, and that wouldn't be good for Narinder.

Narinder, not being a fool, accepted her arguments.

He came up with a solution. His silent, loyal guards had always been with him. Why not make them her trainers? He had personally chosen and trained them, so he was confident they could impart the necessary skills to his servant.

Of course, softness wasn't really his style. Pain, after all, was a much better motivator for striving harder and dodging faster.

Those training sessions played a significant role in hardening the Cultist.

[ninjakk]

Hi! I would like to know what you think about the scene where JC walks in on WWX and LWJ bowing in the ancestral hall. There are a few things I'm not really clear about. First, does LWJ intend for those bows to count as wedding bows? Is that why he kneeled beside him, or was it only for the sake of decorum and being polite since he entered the hall? Secondly, i wonder if JC is only aware of their feeling for each other, or does he see them bow and believe that they are bowing to be married?

Hi 👋🏻

It's funny, because that scene packs such a punch to me. It's so poignant and overflowing with emotion. Just the fact WWX doesn't have memorial tablets for his own parents, breaks my heart. And the way he pays respect to the woman who abused him, holding nothing against her for what she did to him and reinforcing how WWX does not hold onto resentment.

But, to answer your question - as you already kind of mentioned, LWJ kneeled beside WWX because it is considered etiquette. That being said, it's also symbolic of WWX not having to do anything by himself anymore.

From now on, LWJ will be by his side. Whether it's fighting against an army of corpses, opposing a horde of cultivators coming after him or simply there to catch him jumping from a tree or kneeling in respect for the dead. He is not alone anymore and the act of praying by his side is not just because it is the done thing. It is LWJ showing, rather than saying "I am here". Which is why WWX takes a moment to stare at him tenderly. Because he knows this and appreciates all his small gestures.

Although it would seem JC did indeed witness them bowing in respect, as he followed the pair since he caught them hugging under the tree outside, I doubt he thought it was anything other than that. Homophobia eclipses his resentment toward them right up until he sees them enter his family's ancestral hall. At this point he is once again overcome with rage. Completely consumed by the fact they have the apparent "audacity" to visit his parents when he wrongfully holds them both accountable for their deaths and the downfall of Lotus Pier - even though he admits to himself that it's simply not true. Of course, such a thing only fuels the fire burning deep inside JC, already disgusted by their feelings for each other, he just erupts with fury and attacks them both verbally and physically.

I hope that answers your questions 😊

[soulofzurvan]

Overflow: Downfall p.26-37

Previous \\ Masterpost // Next

:3

[areyoudreaminof]

Cricket and Nyx after the prank: *cackling maniacally*

Froggy: *kicked back watching the chaos with a snack*

Ori: *pops out of no where as Rhys’ eye twitches taking in the damage* BOO UNCLE RHYS! 😀

Pudding: *plotting Cassian’s downfall*

Rhys massaged his temple. As angry and stunned as he was, he had to admit that putting soap in the city fountains was a prank he wished he and his brothers had pulled.

But his son proved to be more popular than he ever was at that age. Nyx was able to get half of the young population of Velaris in on it. Though he knew without a doubt, Cricket was the mastermind behind all of this.

A soft knock at the office door made his headache pulse, but he waved the door open with his hand anyway, “Come in.”

Froggy entered softly with a rustling of paper and skirts, blessedly quiet. At least he never had to worry about her. Froggy smiled brightly as she handed him a small stack of papers.

“What’s this?” He flipped through the list of instructions in his niece’s perfect handwriting.

“Instructions to clean the fountains,” Froggy said solemnly. “They’ll need to be drained and the system distilled with vinegar, and the fountains scrubbed with a powder agent to cut through the soap. We should be back to normal by tomorrow.”

Rhys nodded, "I'll have a crew get started immediately. Thank you, dear,"

"By crew, you of course are referring to Nyx and Cricket? And the other children?" A smile crept over her face, and Rhys could see the Autumn Court all over it.

"I am," Rhys snickered, "and they can work through the night-"

"BOO!"

Rhys jumped as Froggy spun around. Orianna giggled maniacally at in doorway, "Boo, Uncle Rhys! Happy Fools Day!" Her hair stuck out in every direction and she lisped her words.

"Happy Fools Day, Ori, "Rhys stood from the desk, holding out his hands for each of the girls to grab, "How would you like to scare Nyxie and Cricket?"

"I want to scare them so bad!" She squealed as she flapped her wings.

"Then we shall give them the biggest scare of their lives," Rhys swore as he led his nieces out of his office and into the city.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was well past midnight and Nyx could feel the skin on his hands slowly peeling after being submerged in soap and vinegar all day. He scrubbed until his shoulders were sore and his knees were raw.

But he couldn't deny it was worth it. The bubbles in the fountains were a smash hit. Impromptu parties formed around the city as children played in the fountains all day. Everything was fine until his father cast a dark shadow over him and Cricket, and their conspirators, and forced them to clean it all up.

That was eight hours ago.

He could hear Cricket mumbling to herself as he stood and crocked his back.

"Stupid Uncle Rhys, can't take a joke, I bet Froggy ratted us out." she hissed as she gathered her buckets and rags.

"I think the Rainbow Fountain overflowing with soap ratted us out." Nyx replied.

"I will make him pay for this," she sneered.

Nyx just shrugged.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The cat known as Pudding watched the stupid male eat his oatmeal with large, stupid bites. He hated the male more than anything.

He may have been the father of his beloved girl, but he found the male so brutish and oafish. If Pudding just had to share the house with his girl's mother, whom he adored, it would have been fine. But no, he had to live with this utter imbecile.

Pudding leapt onto the table with determination. It was time to begin his day.

He stalked forward slowly. "You stepped in his oatmeal yesterday," the walls of the House reminded him, "You must do something different."

He sat in front of the idiot, as still as stone. The Idiot met his eyes with false authority.

"You're not allowed on my table," The Idiot swatted at him with those meaty hands.

Pudding smiled as he gently knocked over the food and water the man was drinking. It crashed to the floor too quickly for The Idiot to react. The Brute screamed with frustration as Pudding laughed and ran for the door to find his mistress.

[jcilyxx]

Random little Jonathan headcanon 😊

Jonathan is definitely a cup ramen fanatic. After a long day of teaching, experimenting, and plotting Batman’s downfall, he trudges back to his cramped apartment, where a single flickering light struggles to stay on for dear life. His fridge is a barren wasteland, holding nothing but a few mismatched condiments, a half-empty jar of questionable pickles, and maybe an expired yogurt that’s more like science experiment than actual food. But his pantry? Now that’s a different story – it’s overflowing with a bulk stash of microwaveable ramen. This guy’s diet is a strict regimen of black coffee and ramen noodles, occasionally spicing things up with a splash of soy sauce for his idea of a ‘gourmet’ touch. And as for his coffee, he only drinks it black because, to him, even a hint of sugar is 'too sweet.' Besides, he thinks spending money on sweeteners is the equivalent to setting cash on fire.

[drmurder]

profile on DR. AMELIA MERCER, THE BUTCHER

age. 38 \ pronouns. she/her \ fc. jenna coleman \ career. doctor at family medical

001 . An estrangement between siblings is by no means uncommon, so as a young child Amelia thought nothing of her mother screaming at her strange, unkempt uncle. They visited him in a small town in Indiana with a name that a five year old would giggle at - Bone Gap. It sounded like something from her storybooks, where a villain may have hailed from, but in reality, it was a rundown spot in the middle of nowhere.  Amelia’s nose scrunched up, hand grasped tightly in her mother’s, as they walked up onto the porch of what could only be described as a dilapidated shack. The three corpses of rusted cars picked clean of parts sat abandoned in the yard; trash cans were overflowing and newspapers lay uncollected; the wood of the porch groaned beneath their feet, warning them of rot. Amelia couldn’t understand at all why they’d come all the way here from Baltimore. She wanted to be tucked into her canopy bed with her stuffed animals strewn around her and a storybook in her lap. Instead, she hid herself behind her mother when the door creaked open. An unfamiliar face peered through a small crack, a chain preventing it from opening all the way. It shut again, then opened fully to reveal a man who may have looked like her mother once, but the resemblance had long since faded. Her mother was always poised, with expensive well-pressed clothing and hair smoothed into some sort of elaborate style. This man had dirt stains and holes in his t-shirt, a beard that grew in all different directions, and a distance in his eyes that Amelia would never see in anyone else. “ This is the final straw. “ Her mother made no attempt to keep her voice down as she argued with her brother. Amelia sat on the rotting porch, drawing in the dirt with a stick, while she listened idly. “ I’m telling you Monica, stop worrying about me and stop naggin’ me. This is where I’m meant to be! “ There was so much conviction in his words, but Amelia couldn’t understand why he had such a grip on such a tragic place. Eventually, the yelling stopped and her mother emerged in a rage she’d never seen before. They left, and Amelia never even learned her uncle’s name. 

002 . Study harder. Work harder. Be better than you are. No matter how many awards she won or tests she aced, her parents always wanted more from her. They wanted to brag about their successful child, and they wanted her to be beyond comparison. Mistakes were punished harshly and victories were dismissed. How else was one supposed to treat themself, if that is how they were treated? 

003 . At Johns Hopkins, she was no longer top of the class. There was a field of others who were just as intelligent and just as talented. It festered jealousy within her, and a resentment that she could not contain. Her greatest competition was diagnosed with ALS in their final year. Part of her felt relieved that, finally, she could be the best once again. But witnessing his downfall, a spiral into an incurable illness, brought out compassion that had been foreign to her until then. They grew close, and he encouraged her work. She foolishly told him that he wouldn’t die. He did. 

004 . Doctor Amelia Mercer. An award-winning brain surgeon researching a cure for ALS. Are they proud now? Is anyone proud now? Is anyone watching, does anyone care? 

005 . There was comfort in opulence. Gucci shoes and Dior suits; Le Labo perfume and $600 hair appointments. She would go on vacation to expensive resorts and pay for friends to come along. ( But were they friends, or simply a paid company? Would they hold her through tears, or wait for her credit card to make an appearance? ) More than one luxury vehicle was totaled, of no consequence to her bank account. The dealership expected a purchase annually. Her townhome was large and empty and lonely, but the art on the walls cost thousands per canvas. Was this the future her parents pushed for? 

006 . There are no mistakes in the medical field. Especially not while someone’s skin is splayed open, revealing the center for their thoughts, their motions, their soul. There was liquor on her breath that day, but no one dared say a word. It was a known habit of hers - one drink too many with no regard for the time of day. No one dared challenge her on it, though. It hadn’t been a problem thus far, so the scrub nurse kept her mouth shut that day as she slipped gloves onto Amelia’s waiting hands. [ REDACTED ]

007 . When did alcohol become such a problem? Was it watching her father with his bourbon? Her mother with her wine? Or back further, with her nameless uncle reeking of beer? It coursed through Amelia’s veins in the most pleasant way, silencing all the anxiety that she refused to acknowledge. She told herself that she worked better buzzed, too. One drink before surgery steadied her hands, but three led to the death of a patient. It was alcohol, with its sweet relief, that allowed her to temper her tantrums of guilt and depression following the death. Episodes that no one would ever know about. A crack in a delicate mask, repaired at the door and fastened tightly in public.

008 . Doctor Amelia Mercer mysteriously left her position and research behind, in a shocking turn of events no one saw coming. Her career was her entire life; why would she suddenly disappear? The answer was quite simple - she wasn’t given a choice. Officially, she did not [ REDACTED ], but the board knew differently. She was a liability and had been for a while now. This was their excuse to get rid of their shining star, who was dying out rapidly before their eyes. 

009 . Where could she go? Where would no one know her name? [ REDACTED ]

 Bone Gap, Indiana. A name left in the far reaches of her memory, symbolized by a hoarder’s lawn and a screaming match between siblings. Maybe she should run there - a place loathed by her mother, but cherished by her uncle. Her life had been haunted by that nameless man. Fueled by curiosity and fear, Amelia left her mistakes behind for the bare necessities of the midwest. 

010. The townsfolk weren’t used to the same luxuries that were common in her circles in Baltimore. People often stopped to take pictures of her Porsche or commented on her perfume. At first, people would offer to have her over for dinner. How lonely did she look to them? But the offers petered out as no, thank you became the expected answer. They were kind, yet irritating. This wasn’t true kindness, not that she’d known much of that herself. These were saccharin, cloying niceties that seldom felt genuine. Bless your heart, they’d say, but she’d lost hers long ago. 

[alwritey-aphrodite]

A Bitch Not A Baller

Chapter 4 of There’s Nothing Like This

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x fem!footballer!reader

Warnings: vague mentions of mental health

Word Count: 2.2k

Author’s Note: there’s slightly less Jamie in this one but it’s all about the buildup, baby!

Walking into Nelson Road for training on Monday morning, you can immediately tell the energy is different. Normally, you can hear your teammates chattering from down the hallway, but it’s nothing but silence today as you and Mackie make your way to the dressing room.

As you push the door open, you can’t help the rush of deja vu that overcomes you as you see the rest of your teammates huddled around a newspaper. You grab at it immediately, staring at the title that reads Richmond’s Bitches, and you hear a “how fucking original” from somewhere over your shoulder. You know you should drop the paper and walk away, but you can’t help the way you read further and further, your eyes darting down the page and taking in snippets of the article.

… uninspired and boring…

… upsetting to watch…

… nothing is as surprising as their win…

… exhausted excuse of a captain…

It’s with that last sentence fragment that you finally slam the paper down and turn away, heading towards your locker. Mackie is only a moment behind you, quick to place a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“You are pretty exhausting,” she tells you and you can’t help but to smile at her stupid joke, knowing that was exactly what she wanted.

The rest of your team disperses as Roy storms into the dressing room from his office and snatches the newspaper off the table in the middle of the room and throws it into the trash, and it’s then that you notice the trash can is already overflowing with newspapers. You can handle one negative review, one shitty opinion of one shitty reporter, but knowing it wasn’t just the sports reporter at The Independent that has it out for you makes your stomach turn.

You knew this wouldn’t be easy, knew people weren’t lining up to support the team when Rebecca revealed no one wanted a coaching position, but the fact that reporters were giving you such blistering reviews even after a win made you want to throw up. If this is what you get when you win, what’ll the articles be like if you lost?

Roy turns back into his office and shuts the door without another word, leaving the team desperate to take your minds off of the fact that everyone seems to be hoping for your downfall.

“On a more positive note, how was your little date with Jamie?” Elena asks and you slam your head into the top of your locker in your shock and struggle to turn around.

“What are you talking about?” You ask in return, baffled at how she could possibly know you were with him yesterday and wishing the floor could swallow you up as the rest of the team stares at you with rapt attention.

“Jamie talks to Sam, Sam talks to me,” Amelia adds with a shrug, as if she’s being nonchalant despite the giant grin on her face. Really, it’s unsurprising that it’s the boys who’re spreading all this gossip around, and now it’s up to you to set the record straight.

“It was the farthest thing from a date,” you clarify, knowing the girls would never let it go if you turned and left the locker room the way you wanted to, “we wandered around Richmond and then I ate dinner by myself in my pajamas.”

“Sounds thrilling,” Mackie says as she tugs her shirt over her head, changing for practice and setting everyone else in motion as if they’d momentarily forgotten the reason you were all here. The conversation breaks off and chatter starts up around the room, but you finish changing in silence, trying to ignore the feeling of everyone’s eyes on you.

“Leave it,” you tell Mackie as you look up to see her staring at you with a disbelieving expression, as if she’s expecting you to confide in her something you wouldn’t share with the rest of the group, “we’ve barely moved up from work acquaintances.”

She just keeps staring and you can’t help but to laugh at how ridiculous she is, slapping your balled up t-shirt against her shoulder, “I promise no one could ever take your spot.” She seems pleased with this, as if Jamie Tartt could ever boot her out of your best friend position, as if spending an afternoon with anyone would dislodge years and years of happy memories, would eliminate all the memories of her.

It’s easy to be silly and playful with Mackie, but sometimes you wonder if she knows how much she really means to you. You know the deepest, darkest parts of her and she’s held you as you cried and you know she’s as close to a soulmate as you’ll ever get, but you can’t help but to wonder if she recognizes the way you care for her.

Now, though, is not the time to sit Mackie down and remind her of how special she is, so you try to focus up for training, putting all thoughts of shitty journalists and Jamie Tartt into the back of your mind. Training is as thrilling as ever, and you spend most of your time trying not to focus on the pain spreading through your foot.

While your teammates shower and change and head home, you’re grabbing your headphones from your locker and making your way to a treadmill: just because you’re in pain doesn’t mean you get to quit. You’ll do a slow-paced incline walk for an hour, an easy workout compared to what you’d typically do.

Your plans are thwarted, though, when you see Roy entering the gym only a few minutes into your walk, and you slip your headphones off as he approaches.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He asks, coming to stop in front of you. You glance down at the treadmill before you look back at Roy.

“Walking?” Your response sounds more like a question than a statement, confusion clouding your voice.

“We all saw you fucking in pain out there, go the fuck home.”

It’s still surprising to you how embarrassed you get whenever someone points out your injury, points out that you’re walking with a limp or you seem a little slower than normal or that your face is screwed up in a wince because you thought no one would notice. Even now, when you’re putting in double the effort, trying twice as hard as everyone around you, they can still tell that you’re behind.

You want to stay, want to stand your ground and prove that you don’t need to rest, don’t need to be babied, but you feel a lump rising in your throat and you’d rather die than cry in front of Roy Kent, when anyone from the men’s team could walk past. Instead of being strong and standing up for yourself, you turn off the treadmill and duck your head and leave without saying another word to Roy, trying to keep your tears at bay.

Stuffing your headphones into your bag, you practically rip it out of your locker in your rush to leave, not even bothering to shower or change or take a second to breathe. You plow ahead, walking so fast you're practically running as you leave Nelson Road with your head ducked, and you’re wondering how far you should get from the stadium before you start crying when you run into someone.

“We’ve gotta stop meeting like this,” Jamie says with a small laugh as he reaches out to steady you, his smile dropping as he notices your red-rimmed eyes and your continued sniffling, “are you crying?”

“No,” you reply, even though your voice is hoarse and you reach up to swipe at your eyes, double checking that no tears have fallen.

“Do you want a ride?” He asks then, turning slightly to survey the parking lot, as if he’s double checking that you truly don’t have a car.

“I’m fine, I’ll just walk,” you reply, even though every second you spend with Jamie makes walking home alone seem less and less appealing.

“Are you sure? Me mum always says you shouldn’t be alone when you’re feeling shitty.”

He looks hopeful, desperate to do something nice for you, to make you feel better even for a few minutes so you swipe at your eyes again and you nod in agreement, feeling lighter already when Jamie smiles at you. He opens the car door for you, slamming it shut once you’re safely inside before jogging around to the driver’s side.

There’s music playing softly, some song you don’t recognize but it isn’t unpleasant, it feels gentle and calming and perfect after the day you’d had. Jamie asks for your address before falling silent, the two of you sitting next to each other with nothing to say and it’s nice. There’s no internal push for you to fill the silence, to ask about his morning or his thoughts on the weather, you’re able to sit in a comfortable silence and it’s wonderful.

When Jamie pulls to a stop in front of your house, though, you can tell there’s a question on the tip of his tongue but he’s restraining himself for reasons unknown to you. You decide to do the polite thing and answer him anyway, the sight of his inner turmoil playing out across his face making your chest ache.

“I’m fine, really, I think I’m just tired,” you try to smile at him as if your eyes aren’t still all puffy and red.

He nods back, seemingly content with your answer and looking much less conflicted. You reach for the door handle while searching for something else to say, reluctant to leave the wonderful little bubble of Jamie’s car.

“Thanks for the ride,” is what you settle on, even though you want to thank him for everything he’s done for you, but that seems a little intense.

“Yeah, of course,” his eyes are darting around as if he’s unable to look you in the eye.

The two of you sit for another moment, the silence suddenly begging to be filled, so you say goodbye and thank him again before leaving, waving once more as you open your front door. You can’t help but lean back against the solid wood after you’d closed it, needing something to keep you upright when all you want to do is fall to the floor.

Once you feel like you’re not going to crawl onto the floor, you ignore the throbbing of your ankle and the dull pain of blooming bruises and push yourself off the door and towards the bathroom, stopping to throw your bag onto your kitchen table. A long, warm shower works wonders in calming you down, in reminding you that one bad day doesn’t mean the end of your career.

Feeling better, you heat up some of the food Elena had brought over when she’d joined you for dinner a few days earlier to reminisce on your time together at Chelsea, however brief it was. While you wait, you fire off a text to Jamie, to thank him again for the ride home, and another to Roy, to apologize for being weird and intense and a little overdramatic.

Happily in your pajamas with dinner in hand, you settle in front of the TV to watch a few hours of mindless television to turn off your brain instead of spending the night mentally beating yourself up over everything that has gone wrong today. Setting your empty dishes to the side, you check your phone, seeing texts from Keeley and Mackie and the Greyhound groupchat.

Scrolling through the notifications, the words ‘gala’ and ‘fancy as hell’ and ‘free drinks’ pop out at you, and you grow more and more confused until you reach Keeley’s message, the first one to come in a few minutes ago.

Hey babe! Just wanted to remind you of the gala Friday night - attendance is mandatory and the dress code is formal but drinks for players are free! Remember to be on your best behavior

The message closes with a winky face and an abundance of hearts, and even though your mind is spinning at the idea of buying a formal dress you can’t help but to smile at Keeley, as if she’d need to bribe any of you with free drinks, as if the team wouldn’t die for her if necessary.

You check Mackie’s message next, more to avoid the chaos of the groupchat than anything else, and it’s a demand that the two of you look for outfits after training tomorrow. Rolling your eyes, you reply with a sounds good, thanks for the option to say no before you brace yourself for checking the team groupchat.

It’s a constant stream of messages, one after the other and no time for you to read any of the previous texts. It’s mostly full of complaints and anxiety and the general desire not to go, so you know it’s your duty as captain to rally the troops despite your desire to never add onto the endless messages.

We’re doing it for Keeley, remember?

As a flood of responses come in to agree with you, you try not to become preemptively stressed about your second match on Thursday and a fancy, mandatory event on Friday. Hopefully, once you find an outfit you can push the gala to the back of your mind and focus on nothing except winning and proving everyone wrong because now that you know what people say about the team when you win, you’re determined to never lose.

Tags: @andr0medafallen @buckychristwrites @benedictscanvas @whimsical-roasting @sokkigarden @guccilongboard @onceuponaoneshot @presidential-facts @yepyeahuhhuh @loveslide @allthefandomtherapy @gibby31 @buddyjuststop @ellietartt @cancvr @brianandthemays @sonyume @aiyaiy @captainfrisbee @dalebo3 @theloud-yet-quietone @imsoluckyeverythingworksoutforme @rockchickrebel @legobatmans9thab @curlypeter @lostinwonderland314 @yokolesbianism @jamietarttdodo @fan-goddess @innocentbi-stander @skewedcherries