#PREACH TO US OUR LORD

[queerprayers]

i want to say first of all that i fully respect a community's/denomination's/culture's right to have closed practices. i am not entitled to other people's traditions, and when i am a guest in a space i understand that everything is not automatically for me. and i know i do not have to understand to respect.

and also! when i go to a catholic church and can't receive communion i want to fall on the floor weeping. what do you mean i can't have him he's right there. sorry my baptism was the wrong kind of baptism. i'm hungry and you want me to become someone else before being fed.

[lesless]

Anyway, my grandma comes into town tomorrow!! I'm going to pick her up from the airport & get some groceries, then Friday I took off so I could take her on a (grandma-speed) adventure! We will stay at a cute BnB, ride a train, go to the casino (she loves casinos), see Native American architecture, walk the shops, and finish the weekend with a mineral soak & massage. :D The last two times she visited I didn't have much time with her 1:1, or I had to work during the day, so this will be my opportunity to show her more of CO. I'm excited!

[sofs16]

our leclerc win

continuation to a paddock day — next

yn

liked by charles_leclerc and 30 others

yn it’s charles day! i know im usually very unserious and goofy at times but lets be fr, charles is my other half. actually, he allows me to be me so basically he’s my whole being. ill say what everyone is thinking, i know people are like omg f1 driver! omg! BUT HE IS MUCH MORE THAN THAT! he burns pasta for a living (he’s learning atm), plays me beautiful songs on the piano im always blessed to hear, reassures me when things dont feel right, and everything in between that. i will always be behind you, charles leclerc. even if i have to find a job soon, i will be supporting you through a screen. i love you and it’s kind of stupid but i think youre the one for me. thanks for choosing me

view all 50 comments

landonorris Your love is disgustingly sweet but happy birthday mate🎉

charles_leclerc I love you so much. charles_leclerc 😘😘😘

charles_leclerc You are the one for me as wel, cherie❤️ [liked by yn] pierregasly Charles is crying on my shoulder

⤷ yn good

⤷ charles_leclerc 😂

october 16, 2023

yn

liked by charles_leclerc, and 35 others yn hot a$$ 💋

view all 37 comments

landonorris why not just say ass

⤷ yn because im manifesting money, dumbass

⤷ charles_leclerc Woah.

⤷yn dw baby, waldo lets me call him dumbass because he thought i was one of the development drivers and then got embarrassed and walked into a door

⤷ landonorris I THOGUHT WE WERENT TELLING ANYONE ABT THAT

⤷ yn 🤷🏻‍♀️ loyal gf 1st, human 2nd, lando friend 3rd.

⤷ carlossainz55 what about me, yn

⤷ yn ooooo . loyal gf 1st, human 2nd, carlos fan 3rd, lando friend 4th

⤷ landonorris EZCHSE ME

⤷ fernandoalo_oficial Hello Yn👋

⤷ yn NEVERMIND loyal gf 1st, fernando fan 2nd, human 3rd, carlos fan 4th, lando friend 5th

⤷ landonorris Wow.

⤷ yn but being human is loving lando norris so 🤷🏻‍♀️

⤷ landonorris My fav wag (unless i get a gf) 🧡

[liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, fernandoalo_oficial, yourbsf, and pierregasly]

november 16, 2023

yn

liked by charles_leclerc, and 18 others

yn WAHTTTT!!! first (and last of the season) day back at the paddock as A WAG. A WAG. ME?

view all 7 comments

charles_leclerc We’ve been dating 5 months, mon ange…

⤷ yn AND ILL NEVER GET OVER IT

landonorris Pretty!

⤷ charles_leclerc Norris. ⤷ landonorris AS A FRIEND MATE

⤷ yn YOURE SO CUTIE LANDO THANKS!!! yourbsf PROUD MOM ERA [ liked by yn ]

november 24, 2023

| kellypiquet has requested to follow you! 10m

| maxverstappen1 has requested to follow you! 2m

2 requests accepted!

yn.updates

liked by ynlover16, and 1,181 others

yn.updates After 5 months, Yn has gone public on Instagram and is now verified! view all 47 comments

ynlocer16 3RD RECENT LORD HAVE MERCY

⤷ charles.yn AHAHA CHARLES FIGHTING THE DRIVERS IN THE COMMENTS

charlferrari ALL THE CHARLES CONTENT 🥹 OUR QUEEN!!! lwymmdts THE BIRTHDAY POST LAST MONTH. november 24, 2023

yn

abu dhabi

liked by charles_leclerc, and 381,272 others

yn p1 in abu dhabi and in my heart @charles_leclerc ❤️ no longer lowkey wag 😞😞😞😞 plsxdont hate me i have humor

view all 161,181 comments

ynprix SHE SILLYYYYY LOVEU THANKS FOR GOING PUBLIC QUEEN

⤷ yn @landonorris SEE i AM silly! ⤷ landnorris SOMETIMES

charles_leclerc I love you 😘

chayn im crying i just scrolled thru all her posts and saw some charles’ comments 🥹

⤷ yn.fan unfortunately she archived a lot of them:( ⤷yn_edits @yn PUT EM UPPPP

⤷ yn sorry yall thats private 😞 maybe when both of us pass away together

chachaferrari STOP DOES THIS MEAN CHARLES LEARNED HOW TO MAKE PASTA

⤷ yn ;)

ynsart i love how active she is! she’s replying (or liking comments) to everyone, its so wholesome

[liked by yn]

yourbsf ALWAYS LOWKEY

⤷ yn preach sister

november 26, 2023

charles_leclerc

liked by yn, and 4,272,585 others

charles_leclerc i see you, amour @yn 🌦️

view all 1,172,588 comments

yn dang, i’ll be sneakier next time! [liked by charles_leclerc]

ynferrari She takes photos?!?

⤷ charles_leclerc She double majored and did photography 💞

⤷ yn_lovvv HE SOUNDS LIKE A PROUD BFFF

december 2, 2023

charles_leclerc

liked by 3,181,493 others

charles_leclerc i love them 🤍

view all 248,595 comments

ynstyle YN MET THE FAMILY?

⤷ yn shit my pants the whole flight but i love them

⤷ arthur_leclerc Yup, after you introduced yourself with a different name👍🏻

⤷ yn ARTHUR WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT LLEASE I SEESR TO GOD

⤷ charles_leclerc I quite liked the name changed

ynred i feel like she said yn leclerc. [liked by yn]

december 24, 2023

yn

liked by 172,484 others

yn BEFORE ANY OF YALL SCOLD ME. yes, i brought the pizza. but did i think he’d ask for it mid (climbing/hiking? i dont even know babes) NO!

view all 35,283 comments

leclerc_pascale oh mon dieu

⤷ yn JE SUIS DÉSOLÉ MAMAN, C’EST TOUT CHARLES! i’m sorry maman, it’s all charles!

⤷charles_leclerc j’ai un rêve. respect that, amour 😓 i have a dream. respect that, love

⤷ yn i respect that dream of eating in CERTAIN places but okay😘

yn1989 jesus how many languages does she speak

⤷ yn 7🤍

⤷yn1989 WHAT. WHICH ONES

⤷ yn german, italian, french, japanese, spanish, english, and icelandic! ⤷ yn1989 charles’ favorite number is 7 😭 you both are so cool

⤷yn IVE BEEN SAYING THIS AND HE ASKED ME OUT ON JUNE 3, 2023. 6(june)+3+2+2+3= 16. LIKE ARE U JOKING

⤷ landonorris @ charles_leclerc your girlfriend is actually crazy. She’s a crazy fan

⤷ charles_leclerc I love that about her though. All of her 💞

⤷ yn 🥲🙂 shaking. kicking my feet. biting my nails. screaming. ripping my hair out

january 14, 2024

chayn.updates

liked by yn, and 5,695 others

chayn.updates yn wearing one of charles’ polos in her recent post ;)

view all 492 comments

charleswife midddd. could literally be any polo..

⤷ charloss why are you actin like u have a chance bbg 😭 and ferrari and charles’ initials in on the bottom collar

january 18, 2024

charles_leclerc

liked by 8,707,606 others

charles_leclerc I usually do not post for birthday’s but the world needs to see my AMAZING photos of you (@ yourbsf)😘 Yn, meeting you has changed my life like no other. to the chef in our house, the singer, the one translating a lot of things for me, dressing me up, and “everything in between”, happiest birthday amour ❤️ I got my Leclerc win when I met you

view all 4,484,585 comments

yourbsf yn will lose her shitballs over this and IM THE BETTER PHOTOGRAPHER

lewishamilton Happiest birthday to the life of the grid! landonorris happy birthday smartass 🧡

⤷ yn thanks dumbass 😘

yn IM GOIN CRAYB

yn I DONT DESERVE YOU IM SHITTING MY PANTS WHSTVTHEFUCK

pierregasly Yn is born on the 16th too?!?

⤷ yn hehehehehe

daniel3.jpg I took that first photo👍🏻

leclerc_pascale ♥️je t’aime. joyeux anniversaire xx

⤷ yn merci maman! à bientôt 🥹🤍🤍🤍

[liked by leclerc_pascale, and charles_leclerc]

may 16, 2024

yn

liked by 1,282,182 others

yn life’s hectic as usual

view all 329,585 comments

landonorris what do you even do. im still so confsued

⤷ yn im a fulltime gf who sometimes goes to her job and takes pics and makes clothes 🤷🏻‍♀️

charles_leclerc yeux d’ ange

⤷yn 💌

charlie166 charles sent those flowers. bet all my money.

⤷yn mans be winning in imola and sending me flowers and sending me virtual kisses 💋

view all 117,383 comments

may 27, 2023

charles_leclerc and yn’s stories

replies:

pierregasly replied to yn’s story: Get a room

charles_leclerc replied to yn’s story: lovely photo of me baby🫤 thank you

yn replied to charles_leclerc’s story: damnnnn nice photo tnx babe. i look like a housewife

landonorris replied to yn’s story: EWWWWWW

carlossainz55 replied to yn’s story: Chill, yn. Breathe.

[krummholz-go]

Doubt is the Essence of Faith - Questions, Prayer, and Crowley’s Relationship to the Divine

In the novel A Prayer for Owen Meany we meet a flawed pastor named Lewis Merrill who is suffering a crisis of faith. He believes that God has turned away from him due to his sinful thoughts and actions and that he is not worthy of forgiveness. As he silently wrestles with his personal demons, he preaches the most optimistic version of his belief to his congregation: doubt is the essence of faith, and not faith’s opposite.

In Good Omens, we see a similar theme play out throughout the series. While many angels and demons blindly order others or follow orders on the perceived will of the Almighty, it is those who question and who are open to questions who are ultimately closest to God. Let’s delve into the relationship between doubt and the divine, and particularly how Crowley fits into it.

God’s Presence in Good Omens

What do our characters know about God in Good Omens? For a world replete with angels, demons, heaven, hell, Satan, miracles, and nuns, there is comparatively little representation of God as experienced by the characters. (I am not counting the 4th-wall breaking narration from God in Season 1 since that is an audience-only view.) The characters of Good Omens see and hear very little from God, and the status quo is that God is distant, unreachable, unknowable - ineffible. As Crowley says, “There is just God, moving in mysterious ways and not talking to any of us.”

We only know of two instances where the characters hear from God: God speaks to Aziraphale when he leaves the Garden of Eden, and God speaks to Job at the end of his trials. The Metatron claims to be a conduit to God and to speak with Their voice: “To speak to me is to speak to God. I am the voice of the Almighty.” But the Metatron is not necessarily a reliable narrator, and even Aziraphale questions his claim by categorizing him more as a spokesperson. From an audience perspective, the more we see of the Metatron and his manipulative ways, especially when he is underscored by sinister music, the more it seems like he really speaks for himself.

Are You There, God? It's Me, Crowley

If God isn’t generally speaking to our characters, the reverse is also true. Communication is a two-way street and the characters in Good Omens rarely reach out to God. Prayer is conspicuously absent. Angels do not pray, nor do humans who come face-to-face with immortal supernatural beings. The Them, Anathema, Newt, Shadwell, Madame Tracy, the shopkeepers, Maggie, and Nina - not one of them engages in prayer when confronted with a glimpse into a world beyond their mortal sphere or even when facing Armageddon. We do not even see the Satanic nuns, a full on religious order, engaging in prayer to their dark lord and master.

While Aziraphale does not precisely engage in prayer, he does at least try to talk to God in Season 1 when he takes his concerns about Armageddon “all the way to the top.” The whole thing feels rather technical, however - more like a celestial phone call than a cry from his soul to the Almighty. When Aziraphale connects to heaven the exchange feels bureaucratic, beginning with him lodging a complaint about the conduct of Michael and the other angels. He is unable to reach God directly and at the end of the conversation, the Metatron “leaves the line open,” again more like a phone call than a prayer.

There are, however, three characters we see who engage in more traditional prayer. Job is the first character (chronologically speaking) we see speaking to God. Job is “literally God’s favorite human,” so it is unsurprising that he would commune directly. In his case it is unclear if he is actively engaging in prayer or simply receiving messages from God, but given that God starts off by saying “Job, if you have questions for me, I have questions for you,” it seems likely that Job is actively praying.

Jesus is the second character who prays. We briefly see him praying as he is nailed to the cross, entreating the heavens, “Father, please, you have to forgive them.” Again, this is unsurprising - Jesus is the son of God, has a direct relationship with Them, and is traditionally depicted as praying for the forgiveness of humanity while on the cross.

The third character who engages in prayer is… Crowley. In Season 1, Crowley turns his eyes heavenward and directly implores God not to destroy humanity: “Great Plan? God, you listening? Show me a Great Plan. Okay, I know you’re testing them, you said you were going to be testing them. You shouldn’t test them to destruction. Not to the end of the world.”

Crowley’s prayer is noteworthy when compared to what we see from Job and Jesus. For starters, it is significantly more substantial. By Crowley’s generally reticent standards it’s almost a monologue. It is also significant because instead of simply beseeching God, Crowley first questions God, then makes a demand, then suggests an alternative to what he believes God’s plan to be. Out of everyone we see speaking to God, Crowley has the most interaction and is also the one who approaches Them most like an equal.

In a second small example of prayer, Crowley says a quick “oh, God” under his breath in the confession scene after Aziraphale makes his heartbreakingly naive statement: “If I’m in charge, I can make a difference.” Here Crowley is subconsciously reaching out to God in his deepest moment of need, readying himself to try to salvage the future he sees going off the rails. He is the only main character we ever see directly reach out to God in distress.

Dangerous Questions

The characters within Good Omens share a common conviction that God is not to be challenged or questioned. In Season 1, Aziraphale is repeatedly told not to challenge God’s will via the Great Plan - after all, the war is to be won, not to be avoided. In Season 2 at the creation of the universe we see Aziraphale cautioning Crowley not to ask questions or make suggestions because it could get him into trouble. The baseline assumption is that doubting or questioning God can remove you from Their grace. Even Crowley believes that he was cast away from God because he asked too many questions. “That’s just how it started for me,” he tells Aziraphale in Job’s cellar as Aziraphale begins to question his blind loyalty to a God that would kill children. “See you in hell!”

It is also made clear that the angels and demons in charge of heaven and hell are not personally a fan of questions. In Season 2 we see the Metatron brooking no challenges from the archangels and sneering at Crowley’s history of “always asking damn fool questions.” In hell, Shax’s response to Eric’s repeated challenges and questions at the kick-off before the bookshop attack is to destroy him. Both heaven and hell are in the business of control - they give orders and expect obedience. Asking or answering questions only undermines their position of authority and control. But fallen angels, angels, and even the Metatron are not God and do not necessarily share God’s perspective.

Divine Questions

All evidence we have indicates that God actually loves questions. They sound delighted that Job has questions for Them, and They are definitely in the business of asking questions of the mortals They speak to. In fact, almost every statement we hear God make is in the form of a question. When They speak to Aziraphale, They say:

“Where is the flaming sword I gave you, Aziraphale, to guard the gate of Eden?”

And Their conversation with Job is almost entirely made up of questions:

“Do you know how I created the Earth? Where were you when I laid the foundations of the Earth, Job? Were you there when all the morning stars sang together and all the Angels shouted for joy? Do you know the rules of the Heavens? Did you set the constellations in the sky? Can you send lightening bolts and get them to report back to you? Did you give wings to peacocks, Job, or teach the ostrich to run?”

And interestingly enough, God is not the only divine entity to communicate through questions. When Satan appears at the end of Season 1, his dialogue is also almost entirely made up of questions:

“Where is my son? You? You’re my rebellious son? Come here. What? What did you say?

(As a fascinating side note, when asked a question about God in Good Omens on Tumblr, Neil Gaiman responded entirely with questions: “Does God know everything in this universe? Does God act on what God sees? Does God tolerate the behavior of her creatures?”)

In each of these examples we see that far from God being averse to questions, the act of questioning is integral to the divine. It is part of the process that God engages in when trying to make a connection. Job, as God’s favorite, is tacitly given permission to ask questions. Blind obedience is apparently not what is demanded - some measure of doubt, of questioning, is required to arrive at a sincere faith and relationship with God.

Crowley’s Relationship to the Divine

So how does Crowley fit into this? Crowley is a questioner at heart. From the beginning we see him asking hard questions. Standing on the wall of the Garden of Eden he immediately doubts the foundational actions he and Aziraphale have taken: “It’d be funny if we both got it wrong, eh? If I did the good thing and you did the bad one?” At Noah’s ark he peppers Aziraphale with questions about God’s intent, at the crucifixion he wonders what Jesus did to get everyone so upset, in King Arthur’s time he questions the value of what he and Aziraphale are doing as they cancel each other out, and on and on. Throughout this questioning he has little patience with the idea that the answers are unknowable. “Are you going to say ‘ineffable?’” he asks Aziraphale, witheringly, as he watches the Ark be loaded.

When it comes to his relationship with God, it’s clear that Crowley has many unresolved issues, particularly around the trauma of his fall and his separation from God's love. As many other people smarter than me have pointed out, his entire approach to plant care is simply a replay of his own trauma: identifying a flaw in a plant, expressing his personal disappointment in his role as houseplant God, holding it up as an example to its friends, destroying it/casting it out of its home, and threatening the remaining plants with the same fate if they don’t grow better. The bookshop fire is also experienced by him as a replay of his fall - the loss of someone he loves deeply, the fire itself, and even a physical fall when he is shot by a jet of water - that leads him to immediately get drunk and remember what it felt like to do a “million light-year freestyle dive into a pool of burning sulfur.” Crowley relives his trauma over and over.

As a result of this unresolved trauma, Crowley can have difficulty acknowledging the reality of his fall and his status as a demon. Sometimes he downplays the fall itself (“I didn’t really fall, I just, you know, sauntered vaguely downwards”) as well as his responsibility for it (“I just hung around the wrong people;” “All I ever did was ask questions”). From our first introduction to him he does not behave as other demons do, responding to a ritualistic demonic greeting of “All hail Satan” with an unenthusiastic, “Uh, hi, guys.” He deliberately distances himself from hell by describing himself as “going along with hell as far as he can.” And perhaps most significantly he sets himself apart from other demons with his love for the earth, its creatures, its people, and all the lovely, clever things they invent.

Just as Crowley has never fully embraced and integrated his transformation into a demon, he has also never fully abandoned his subconscious associations as a former angel. When we first meet him as an angel in heaven at the start of Season 2, we learn that he is architecting the universe by creating nebulas, stars, and proto-planets and see the pride and love he holds for his creations. When things get tough on Earth and Armageddon approaches, his immediate thought is to return to the vast reaches of space to see Alpha Centauri or one of the nebulae he helped build, the last place where he felt a part of creation rather than of destruction. Similarly, when Aziraphale forces Crowley into action at the airbase in Season 1, Crowley’s primal instinct is to stop time and transport himself, Aziraphale, and Adam to a place that looks remarkably like the featureless white of heaven. In a callback to his previous life as an angel, he then uses the crank from the Bentley to restart time the same way he used a crank to start the engine of the star factory (perhaps even the same crank). He is even still sensitive to blasphemy, chiding Aziraphale for saying “oh my God!” and is clearly awed by and envious of the sight of Job speaking with God. “Just to be able to ask the question,” he says, wistfully.

All of these interactions indicate that Crowley is not at peace with his current station, continuing to straddle a space in between angel and demon while wrestling with his past trauma. While there are times that Crowley leans hard into being a demon, he has many unresolved issues and doubts regarding his past life as an angel, the reality and meaning of his fall, and exactly what kind of demon he is now.

The Divinity of Doubt

So where does all this lead us as we enter Season 3? Crowley’s willingness to engage in direct prayer shows he is still subconsciously close to God. More than that, his propensity to constantly ask questions mirrors God’s behavior even more than God’s special favorites, Job and Jesus. Rather than being distanced from God by a tendency to ask questions, the available evidence points to questioning as being integral to a divine connection.

If anyone is to make a direct connection with God in Season 3, I predict it will be Crowley. His doubting, questioning nature is likely to be critical to the healing of his past trauma and the completion of his character arc. I would not be surprised to see Crowley get the opportunity “just to be able to ask the question” of God even if no direct answers are forthcoming. If doubt is the essence of faith, Crowley is well situated to to recover his - whatever that looks like for him - through the course of the final season.

[ghcstao3]

growing up catholic, for soap, had exactly one (1) benefit despite all other grief it gave him, and that is the prayers and teachings forever ingrained in his head.

by themselves, they aren’t the benefit, no. the benefit comes from being able to scare off people who are bothering him, because only a very small minority of people ever want to stick around someone unwarrantedly preaching to them to find god, so it works like an absolute charm every time.

someone won’t leave him alone at the bar? well, let him tell them about the lord and saviour, maybe recite a hail mary or our father, and watch the light just drain from their eyes because he’s suddenly not who they want to take home that night anymore.

and maybe his mam would thwack him over the head with a pocket bible for using the family’s religion like that, but hey. he’s still using his faith. just… not how it was intended.

[portraitsofsaints]

Saint Norbert 1080-1134 Feast Day: June 6 Patronage: Bohemia

Saint Norbert was born into a wealthy German family and lived a worldly life. In 1115, riding his horse during a storm, he had a literal “off his horse” conversion. He was thrown from his horse and when he woke up he asked: “Lord, what do you want me to do?” Our Lord said “Turn from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it.” Norbert completely reformed his ways, was ordained a priest and eventually Archbishop. He was given permission to preach against the heresy doubting the true presence and clerical reforms. In 1120, he started the Order of Premontre, using the rule of St. Augustine, emphasizing poverty, prayer and community life.

Prints, plaques & holy cards available for purchase here: (website)

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Palm Sunday Was a Pride Parade

A reflection by K Kriesel, shared with their permission.

Rev. Winnie Varghese preached on Palm Sunday a decade ago "When there was a parade [in Jesus's time], it was Rome coming in to show them they were conquered, that their God had been humiliated, that they would never be free. And Jesus comes in looking like David... This is not a bunch of people thinking resurrection comes at the end of this week."

Each Palm Sunday we celebrate the Lenten Pride parade - the one without corporate sponsorship. While everyone lays palms down, they form a can-can line and sing "Hosanna to the son of David! We are the Stonewall girls! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! We wear our hair in curls! Hosanna in the highest!"

Irreverence in the face of somber Empire. A parade that says "you might extract taxes from us but you don't own us. You might put your soldiers on this land but it's not your land." After all, a “Lord” owns land/labor so those who laid down palms were very clear about who they were celebrating, and it wasn’t the Roman Empire.

Within Holy Week we have a sharp pivot from celebratory procession to an unjust execution. This clash in tone is not unlike switching from June 30 to July 1, when the thirteen colonies replace the rainbow; Empire doesn’t care who you celebrate, it exerts power. The wheel of Empire crushed Jesus’ followers just days after they celebrated His arrival, and it continues to crush us.

We need the camp of Palm Sunday, to lay down bedazzled palms and sequins-covered cloaks. When church/state pass laws to restrict us & to protect those who harm us, irreverence shows we won’t be touched at our core. Don your septum piercing and laugh in the face of fear!

In John’s gospel there were 2 angels inside the tomb, they were Trixie Mattel & Katya Zamolodchikova and the sound of the stone being rolled away was UNHhhh. When Mary Magdalene tried to embrace the risen Christ, Jesus saith unto her “touch me not, for my nails are not yet dry.” 💅🏻

Find more of K's art and words at kkriesel.com or on Instagram at kkrieselart. You can also hear my podcast interview with them here.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for wanting to separate humans from animals? I know the title sounds a little strange, but please listen to my story. I (20 when this took place, M) have the ability to speak with animals, and my adoptive father (50sM) said I was the "link" between the animal world and the human world. For some extra background, I was a feral orphan living in the woods before my father found me. He raised me to be the "king" of his animal rights activism organization, more on that later.

I was led to believe that all interactions between humans and animals would end badly. As a child, I was isolated from other humans, only really knowing my father and my two sisters (both in their 20s), who acted as caretakers for me. I spent most of my childhood in my room in my father's mansion. My father would introduce us to animals that had been injured or mistreated by humans, and I would begin to believe that all humans have a desire to harm animals. When my father decided I was old enough, I was officially crowned as the king of his group, and his (my?) underlings began to address me as Lord. It was a strange shift, but I had been raised to believe this was the right path for me. I was also now officially allowed outside of the mansion and to travel the world to spread the ideals of our organization.

One of my first notable interactions with people outside of the organization was at one of my father's rallies, where he preached about animal rights and liberation. I heard the voice of a younger boy, H's (14M at the time) pet, and I noticed they were speaking rather highly of their owner (I don't know the pronouns his pet uses). This astounded me. I had never expected a captive pet to speak kindly of their owner. I was intrigued and confused, but still firm in my beliefs. I truly believed that as long as humans could hold animals captive as pets, animals could never reach true perfection. That was what I told H and his friend before leaving.

I would meet H a few more times along our respective journeys. I eventually confessed to him that I was the leader of this animal rights organization he had been fighting with, and he seemed to understand my position. I did not want to harm him or his friends, I just wanted to fulfill my dream of separating humans from animals, to allow for both kinds to reach perfection, and to stop animals from being abused by their owners! But seeing all of these people who cared for their pets, and seeing the bond that formed between them was making me question myself. To resist faltering and failing my father, I started to sink even deeper into my old mindset, denying what I was seeing. I knew that fulfilling my dream would mean separating caring owners from their pets, and that made me sad, but I truly believed it was for the good of the world.

Things may get a little bit strange here, I apologize. While I was continuing my journey, my father and our underlings were searching for a legendary artifact. Our country has mythology of two legendary beasts who could destroy the world if left unchecked. The plan was, to my knowledge, for me to befriend one of the beasts and use it to gain control of the country. From there, our organization could begin to impose our beliefs on everyone else. This is what I had been told by my father. I did manage to befriend the beast, and was able to defeat the leader of our country. I was very close to achieving what I had dreamed of, until H showed up to confront me.

H had gotten his hands on the other legendary artifact, and was able to awaken the other beast. I heard the voice of the other beast: it wanted H to befriend it, to test H's belief in his truth. To my surprise, H was able to ally with the beast, and challenged me to a duel. I accepted, believing this would be the final fight, that I would win.

I lost the battle to H, and that was when my father entered the scene again. He began to berate me, calling me horrible names, and saying I didn't deserve to share his name. He turned to H and started hurling insults to him as well. He even said he was going to "eliminate" H, a teenage boy, in front of me! He revealed that the animal rights organization was a front for what he really wanted, which was control over the entire country, and eventually even the world. He had only taken me in to manipulate me, to use me for his plans. I was stunned to think that my father, who had shown me so much love as a child, was faking it the entire time. I don't know what he planned to do with me if H had failed. Luckily, H was strong enough to defeat my father. My father was promptly arrested and removed from the scene.

I didn’t know what to do. Everything I had known and believed in was revealed to be wrong in an instant. I gave H my farewell, and told him to follow his dream, to make his dream into a reality. I then left with my beast, and left the country to try and find myself again.

It’s been two years since this event happened. I’ve only just now returned to the country, as my legendary friend was worried about something back home. The organization still exists, in two factions: one that truly campaigns for animal rights and safety, and one that still follows my father in his quest for world domination. Those in the latter faction believe that I am a traitor, and all of the other horrible things my father called me.

I truly believed that what I was doing was right, especially because of my upbringing and how my father had manipulated me. I now understand that I was wrong, that I was thinking of the world in black-and-white, and that there are meaningful partnerships between humans and animals all around the world. Was I really a villain for following my father’s requests and trying to separate them?

[thevixenwitch]

Okay I seriously can’t stop thinking about this.

I was trained in Wicca and was in a predominantly Wiccan community for almost 10 years and left because of the rampant appropriation, it was built into the basis of the concepts they preached and followed. It was the basis of things I learned for years, and when one questioned the appropriation or learned the history of the religion, they were thought lesser of. White women were walking around naming themselves “G*psy”. Deities we’re used to plug in as aspects of the Lord and Lady no matter where they were from or what their actual following entailed. There was no respect for history or the beliefs they pulled from.

Even the kindest, best people in the community turned a blind eye. Eventually the larger organization I was a part of started a committee to help reduce appropriation and racism within our community, but it didn’t change the beliefs of Wiccans because the appropriation was again, the basis of the belief system. And so I left. This was my real, live experience, in a very diverse, giant group of people. To see people saying that Wicca just had this reputation of appropriation shoved off onto them feels so off, like these people don’t know the realities they’re talking about. I’m not talking about a single coven, or anything small. This was something from every Wiccan I ever interacted with…

I feel like I need to be educated. What am I missing here? Has the appropriation issue been solved? Are the beliefs at large different than they were a few years ago? What has changed?

[walkswithmyfather]

‭‭Acts‬ ‭16:5‭-‬10‬ ‭(NIV).‬‬ “So the churches were strengthened in the faith and grew daily in numbers. Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to. So they passed by Mysia and went down to Troas. During the night Paul had a vision of a man of Macedonia standing and begging him, “Come over to Macedonia and help us.” After Paul had seen the vision, we got ready at once to leave for Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them.”

“Confronting a Closed Door” By In Touch Ministries:

“When God closes a door, He will always open a better one.”

“Have you ever faced a closed door? It’s extremely frustrating, right? The apostle Paul knew exactly how that felt. On his second missionary journey, he repeatedly found the way blocked by the Holy Spirit. Eventually the apostle arrived in Troas with nothing but the sea in front of him and closed doors behind.

It must have seemed strange to Paul that God would prevent him from spreading the gospel. But instead of getting angry or trying to force his way into new territory, Paul waited for the Lord’s direction. The Bible doesn’t tell us how long he and Timothy lingered in Troas, but the apostle didn’t move until the Lord revealed the entrance to a new mission field.

If you’re in a period of waiting, try doing what Paul did. Look at your situation as a chance to seek God’s purpose and guidance. Ask the Lord why He has barred the way forward—perhaps the timing is wrong or there’s some unconfessed sin to deal with. Whatever the reason, it’s important to be sensitive to the Spirit’s leading—and to be ready for the door that will open.

When an opportunity is blocked, God has a reason. He is providing love and protection, even when we don’t see it. And He’s keeping His promise to work everything for our good (Romans 8:28).”

(Photo by Daniel Gregoire at Unsplash)

[sativaonsaturn]

the signs in love (songs for the signs pt.2)

(check venus, moon, mars, lilith, juno!)

aries/ 1st house (a steadfast love): Love On the Brain by Rihanna (who has an aries venus)

“So you can put me together/ And throw me against the wall”

“baby I'm fist fighting with fire/ Just to get close to you”

“Don't you stop loving me/ Don't quit loving me”

taurus/ 2nd house (a strong, steady love): Real Woman by PartyNextDoor (who has a taurus venus)

“Give her what she want/ Give me just what I want”

“Last night, we were sippin' Henny and now we doin' deals”

“I'm lockin' it in 'til the very end”

“Shawty met a boss like me and put a hundred down on a condo downtown with me”

gemini/ 3rd house (an expressive, exciting love): Houdini by Dua Lipa (whose lilith is in gemini)

“I come and I go/ Tell me all the ways you need me/ I'm not here for long”

“If you're good enough, you'll find a way/ Maybe you could cause a girl to change”

“Everything you say is soundin' so sweet/ But do you practise everything that you preach?”

cancer/ 4th house (a warm, comforting love): Every Kind of Way by HER (who has a cancer venus)

“You're here with me/ Boy, it don't get no better than you”

“I wanna love you in every kind of way/ I wanna please you, no matter how long it takes”

“If the world should end tomorrow and we only have today/ I'm gonna love you in every kind of way”

leo/ 5th house (a passionate love): Part II (On the Run) by Jay Z & Beyoncé (her w/ a leo mars)

“I don't care if we on the run/ Baby, 'long as I'm next to you”

“And if loving you is a crime/ Tell me why do I bring out the best in you?”

“I don't care if they give me life, I get all of my life from you/ And if loving you had a price I would pay my life for you”

virgo/ 6th house (a considerate love): My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski (who has a virgo venus)

“Moon, tell me if I could send up my heart to you/ So, when I die, which I must do could it shine down here with you?”

“My baby, here on earth/ Showed me what my heart was worth”

“Nothing in the world is mine for free/ But my love mine, all mine, all mine”

libra/ 7th house (a storybook love): Adorn by Miguel (who has a libra mars)

“Just let my love adorn you”

“Baby, these fists will always protect ya”

“Whole world's in your eyes (when I look in your eyes, baby)”

scorpio/ 8th house (an all-consuming love): Work Song by Hozier (his scorpio lilith in 8th reminds me of this)

“No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”

“But I swear I thought I dreamed her/ She never asked me once about the wrong I did”

“If the Lord don’t forgive me, I’d still have my baby and my babe would have me”

sagittarius/ 9th house (a thrilling love): Lowkey by Teyana Taylor (whose venus is in sag)

“If I let you, would you make a move?”

“I want it but this ain't the right time/ But, damnit, you're so fine”

“Runnin' and runnin', ain't runnin' from love/ I'm so willin' to give it a try”

capricorn/ 10th house (a serious love): You Don’t Know My Name by Alicia Keys (who has a capricorn venus)

“There's something special 'bout you, I must really like you/ 'Cause not a lotta guys are worth my time”

“I see us on our first date/ You're doin' everything that makes me smile”

“Doin' more than I've ever done for anyone's attention/ Take notice of what's in front of you”

aquarius/ 11th house (a rebellious/ unconventional love): Take Me to Church by Hozier (who has an aquarius venus)

“My lover’s got humor/ She’s the giggle at a funeral”

“Knows everybody’s disapproval/ Should’ve worshipped her sooner”

“We were born sick, heard them say it/ I was born sick but I love it”

“If I’m a pagan of the good times/ My lover’s the sunlight”

pisces/12th house (a longing love): Blessed by Daniel Caesar (who has a pisces venus)

“I don’t wanna be there, don’t wanna be anywhere/ Anyplace that I can’t feel you, I just wanna be near you”

“Sometimes it gets unhealthy/ We can’t be by ourselves, we will always need each other”

“When I go, I don’t stay gone for long”

bonus:

venus in 4th (a committed love): positions by Ariana Grande (who is a cancer sun)

“Boy, I’m tryna meet your mama on a Sunday”

“Switchin the positions for you/ I’m in the Olympics way I’m jumping through hoops”

“Know my love infinite, nothing I wouldn’t do”

sativaonsaturn 🍃🪐

[bloodypeachblog]

You got any daddy Sammy Headcanons?

You fucking bet I do!

Sammy Lawrence headcanons

(This is with F!Reader, btw)

~~~♡♡♡~~~

• Sometimes his personality when he was human can show when something doesn't go right or his way or he's just annoyed. He can be a real asshole when he's like that. But if he upsets you, he would apologize later.

• the instance you responded to his 'can I get an amen?' tape with an 'amen', he fell for you almost instantly. He knew that his savior has blessed him with you, you had to be his bride. He waits til you fall asleep and he carries you to his room. You're his now.

• the songs he writes for you? Oh so lovely and romantic. He even plays them on his banjo and sings them for you.

• when he likes you, he can get a bit flustered and tongue-tied at times. When you've been together for a long time, he gets a bit better with that, but his inky heart still flutters when he sees you and hears your voice.

• if you can't sleep, he would sing you a lullaby or tell you a story from his bible (he wrote one where it's basically the christian bible, but Bendy is Jesus) until you fall asleep.

• he lets you join him on his searches for sacrifices and sometimes lets you choose their fates. They'll still die, but you get to choose how they die.

• Total. Drama. Queen. But not in a way that'd make you hate him, more in the way where you can't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

• guy's mind is stuck in the 1920-1930's, so if you show him something like, an iPhone, or you dress in modern clothing, his brain would probably implode.

• he LOVES listening to you read passages from his bible during sermons. He just marvels your words and pays very close attention. You could see a big smile though his mask.

• the same goes vice versa, he speaks with such energy and dedication and he smiles to himself when he sees you're just so enthralled by his preaching.

• basically when he speaks about you, he's exactly how Gomez Addams talks about Morticia. He ADORES you.

• "I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss." "To think, Lord Bendy has blessed me with such a beautiful angel such as yourself." "To live without you, only that would be death." "I cannot see, I am blinded by such beauty."

• pet names: Darling, Love, Angel, my little lamb, my sweet, Dear, Dearest.

♡NSFW♡

• master of seduction. Just, pure incubus skills. His soft voice makes you melt, and he knows it.

• oh he is all for foreplay. He wants his little pet to be ready for him.

• his cock is about 6 inches and pretty thick, but that's thanks to the blessings of the ink.

• *psst!* if he wanted, he could grow two of them to double-penetrate you, but he'll immediately pass out once he cums because it takes twice the energy, so he doesn't do it often.

• he wouldn't exactly whisper dirty words, but the way he phrases things...

• "don't be afraid, it's what our Lord wishes. We wouldn't want to disappoint him, now would we?" "You're so wet for me, how sweet.." "I'm so blessed that you're mine.." "You're doing so well, love..." "Just relax and let us share this bliss that our Lord has blessed us with." "Perhaps Lord Bendy will bless us with little sheep of our own tonight.."

• kinks? Well...he does like tying you up nice and tight. Can't let the little lamb run off, can he? No, he cannot. He has a praise kink, where he just loves to praise you for being such a good little wife.

• he LOVES to tease you and make you beg for him. The grin and deep chuckle he lets out from hearing your begs will make you melt.

• he'll make sure you cum a few times before he does. You'll be putty in his hands when he's done with you.

• yes, he cuddles you during the afterglow. He also whispers loving words into your ear, making sure you feel loved and cherished, because you are.

[ballads-of-a-bluejay]

Elijah piece for a poem i wrote from his pov!!!

reblogs are appreciated <3

the full poem under the cut, it does contain spoilers

I watch him through the window

As he speaks into the microphone

I'd be breaking through the glass

But I know that he is not alone

That wretched man, that Architect

His sharp-edged glasses, stone-cold eyes

Winding back the clock of death,

He wiped away my love's demise

And next to him, an angel true

His holy light bathing the room

His ink-black hair and deathly skin

His face spells out my poor heart's doom

He runs from me, this perfect man

When I alone know *he is the sun*

I read the books, they burned my eyes

And now I know what must be done

He pushes through the trees and ferns

Aghast at what I've gathered here

I pour him tea, remove my mask

All of this to ease his fear

His eyelids flutter as I start to speak

He can't utter a single word

But still, I can tell he wants to leave

I sent him off, although it hurt

I've built this perfect pyre for two

For a pastor and his effigy

Crafted from tithes of our disciples

My work has kept me very busy

I watch the camp in silent patience

See them fall apart beneath my touch

The chaos of the everyday

Hides my plots beneath its rush

The day falls upon us all at last

The steady moon holds her head high

I preach to a captivated crowd

Tell them of salvation nigh

Cries of "our muse" fill stagnant air

I peel away back into the trees

Leave them to their madness

To worship on their hands and knees

I perch upon the pyre with him

The perfect picture of pristine peace

I preach to the people down below

Share the parables and the prophecies

They listen to me with eager ears

Eyes on the cherub by my side

The heat of flames lick at our feet

But Lord, I'm along for the ride

They've taken care of the Architect

He's pinned by their devoted weight

I read his words, the ones that sting

Laugh down upon his burning hate

He blasphemes me, my godly voice

Believes that he can stop the rapture

It's far too late to "save" his lover

With burning heels and broken stature

He curses me in desperate cries

The fire burns its way ever higher

I preach the vile and poisonous word

Of a filthy, sacrilegious liar

It slithers itself into my mind

Tears me apart from deep inside

Hear nothing but my pounding heart

Feel nothing but a shove to my spine

Bones crunch as I hit the ground

My broken heart hurts worse than them

As I look up, grieving, to the pyre

I see now he's corrupted by *him*

My perfect muse, engulfed in flames

Silhouetted by the crimson sky

He falls upon his hands and knees

"Don't call me that, I hope you die."

I bleed my anguish onto the soil

Weep for the traitor set ablaze

A penny loafer on my chest

I see the bastard through my haze

His sharp-edged glasses, stone-cold eyes

Blood and dirt crusted on his skin

He lifts a mirror to my face

I scream for aeons yet to begin

[godslove]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞

The spiritual gift of knowledge is also known as the “word of knowledge” or “utterance of knowledge.” The Greek word for this gift is Gnosis and it simply means knowledge and understanding.

⁸ “The Spirit gives one person the ability to speak with wisdom. And the same Spirit gives another the ability to speak with knowledge.”

—1 Corinthians 12:8

⁴ “I always thank my God for you because of the grace that God has given you in Christ Jesus. ⁵ In Jesus you have been blessed in every way, in all your speaking and in all your knowledge. ⁶ The truth about Christ has been proved in you. ⁷ So you have every gift from God while you wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to come again.”

—1 Corinthians 1:4-7

What we can conclude that the gift of knowledge is an understanding of the things in this world and in our lives that is founded in the Gospel and rooted in the Scriptures. This gift is closely related to the gift of wisdom which is alluded to by Paul in 1 Corinthians 1:18-31.

The Holy Spirit gives this spiritual gift to some believers to bring about understanding and to inform the church or individual believers. The person with this gift is usually well-versed in the Scriptures and often has much committed to memory. They can retain the truth and communicate it effectively at the appropriate times. The gift of knowledge allows a believer to relate the Scriptures, and particularly the Gospel of Jesus Christ, to all aspects of life in this world. They can see how it connects to every situation and circumstance and how the reality and truth of the Gospel is to inform every decision a Christian makes.

¹⁸ The teaching about the cross seems foolish to those who are lost. But to us who are being saved it is the power of God. ¹⁹ It is written in the Scriptures: “I will cause the wise men to lose their wisdom. I will make the wise men unable to understand.” -Isaiah 29:14 ²⁰ Where is the wise person? Where is the educated person? Where is the philosopher of our times? God has made the wisdom of the world foolish. ²¹ The world did not know God through its own wisdom. So God chose to use the message that sounds foolish to save those who believe it. ²² The Jews ask for miracles as proofs. The Greeks want wisdom. ²³ But we preach Christ on the cross. This is a big problem to the Jews. And it seems foolish to the non-Jews. ²⁴ But Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God to those people God has called—Jews and Greeks. ²⁵ Even the foolishness of God is wiser than men. Even the weakness of God is stronger than men. ²⁶ Brothers, look at what you were when God called you. Not many of you were wise in the way the world judges wisdom. Not many of you had great influence. Not many of you came from important families. ²⁷ But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. He chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ²⁸ And he chose what the world thinks is not important. He chose what the world hates and thinks is nothing. He chose these to destroy what the world thinks is important. ²⁹ God did this so that no man can brag before him. ³⁰ It is God who has made you part of Christ Jesus. Christ has become wisdom for us from God. Christ is the reason we are right with God and have freedom from sin; Christ is the reason we are holy. ³¹ So, as the Scripture says, “If a person brags, he should brag only about the Lord.”

—1 Corinthians 1:18-31, Christ Is God’s Power and Wisdom

¹⁴ “My brothers, I am sure that you are full of goodness. I know that you have all the knowledge you need and that you are able to teach each other.”

—Romans 15:14, Paul Talks About His Work

¹⁴ “But thanks be to God, who always leads us in victory through Christ. God uses us to spread his knowledge everywhere like a sweet-smelling perfume.”

—2 Corinthians 2:14, Victory Through Christ

[matttgirlies]

Matt & Me🎀

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

a story heavily based on Priscilla Presley’s Book “Elvis & Me” based in the 1950’s - 1970’s.

fem! reader x singer! matt

disclaimer!! - in no way am i saying matt would ever support or do these kind of things, for the sake of the book certain unethical things do happen at times.

warnings - suicide attempt,, arguing

y/nn = your nickname for any confusion🩷

Chapter 15

By the mid-sixties he was holding Bible readings in the den of our Bel Air home. I sat next to him one evening as he read passages with great force. Facing us were several of his young female admirers wearing the lowest-cut blouses and the shortest miniskirts. They all listened attentively, disciples enraptured in the presence of “their” lord. The sermon stretched to hours, followed by a question-and-answer period during which they vied for his attention.

Sitting at his feet was an attractive, wellendowed young girl wearing a blouse unbuttoned to her navel. Leaning over seductively, she asked in honeyed tones, “Matt, do you think the woman at the well was a virgin?” With me right beside him, he avoided taking in the fleshy spectacle obviously exposed for his benefit.

“Well, honey,” he said, “that’s somethin’ you’ll have to come to a conclusion on yourself. As for me, I personally think Jesus was attracted to her, but that’s my opinion. I’m not sayin’ it’s fact.”

I watched Matt and the girl talking, feeling undermined and angry. How stupid, I thought. Can’t he see what she’s doing? It’s so obvious.

He drew in a deep breath and said, “I like your perfume, honey. What’s it called?”

“Chanel Number Five,” she answered.

Chanel Number Five? That’s what I was wearing! Why didn’t he notice it on me? I slowly rose and walked into my dressing room adjacent to the den. Determined to snare his attention, I changed into his favorite outfit—a tight-fitting black sheath he had picked out himself.

Returning a few minutes later, I took my place beside him, but he was wrapped up in preaching to his devotees and had totally overlooked my absence. To make matters worse, he didn’t even notice my change of costume. I managed to conceal my distress behind a fake smile and an attentive gaze, but I couldn’t help noticing that he was responding to them with an occasional wink or smile.

I asked questions like they did, but my heart wasn’t in it; I knew they all wanted to take my place. “That’s it,” I thought. “If I’m not appreciated, loved, or wanted, I’ll end it. That will make it easier for everyone.”

I got up and went back to our room. Picking up a half-full bottle of Placidyls, I devised a plan to create a dramatic effect that, in my mind, would win his attention. I stared at them, thinking, What if I choke to death? I decided to take two pills to start. That way I could take a quick shower, redo my makeup, put on my prettiest camisole, and still have time to position myself dramatically on the bed before I consumed the rest of the bottle.

I swallowed the pills and started to prepare myself for the end. In tears, I thought of leaving him a note, writing down everything I’d never been able to say. I’d tell him how I wished that it could have been just the two of us again, as it had been during the long hours we’d spent together in his room in Germany. I’d confess that I was jealous of any woman who caught his attention and that I hated the times when there was only silence between us, even though he’d said he had things on his mind. I’d tell him how I feared his violent temper, which robbed me of my freedom of expression; and how I wished that he’d have tried to understand me as I’d desperately tried to understand him.

Maybe he’s missed me by now, I thought. I ran to the door and pressed my ear against it. I heard him laughing. He was having a great time. They all were. I found that I was disgusted with all of it. I wouldn’t go in there now if he begged me, I told myself. I was too tired anyway.

But I wasn’t too tired to remember how I wanted to be found. I lay down on the bed with my long jet black hair spread over the white pillows, my lips moist with gloss. In my naive fantasy he’d take my listless body in his arms and tell me how much he loved me, kissing me passionately back to life.

I forced down one more pill, lay perfectly still in the position I wanted to be discovered, and waited for what seemed like hours for sleep to overtake me. But the longer I lay there, the less sleepy I became. The more I heard Matt’s laughter, the angrier I got. My adrenaline-charged fury was overriding the effect of the pills. Soon I began to feel foolish.

Then I heard Matt say good night to everyone as he approached the room. I grabbed the nearest book and lay it at my side, as though I’d been reading and had fallen asleep. I heard him come in, quietly walk over to the bed, and pick up the book. He whispered the title, The Listener. I could imagine him smiling, pleased as always when I read philosophical books. He stood over me for a second, probably thinking how sweet I looked and how tired I must have been to retire so early.

Then he covered me snugly with blankets and bent down to kiss my carefully-parted lips. All my anger and jealously vanished. I realized how even a little of his attention could make me happy.

In April of 1964, Larry Geller was hired to replace Matt’s barber, Sal Orfice. Little did we know that their relationship would not only cause a drastic change in Matt, but it would create tension, jealousy, and fear within the group.

I was in Boston when he first met Larry, but I learned all about him through our nightly phone conversations. Matt’s enthusiasm over his newfound friend was infectious.

“You’re not going to believe this guy, Sattnin,” he said. “Larry knows more about the spiritual world than all the preachers and Catholic priests and religious fanatics put together. We have discussions that last hours, just talkin’ and talkin’ about the great masters and my purpose for being here. I’m invitin’ him to Graceland. He’ll enlighten your spiritual development.”

When Larry and his wife, Stevie Geller, joined us, I was surprised to find them both young and attractive. He was kind and mellow. She was sweet and quiet and kept to herself.

However, many in the group, myself included, were suspicious of them. We were all threatened by Matt’s involvement with Larry. It was keeping him from us. It seemed as if Matt was always off alone reading esoteric books or deep in discussion with Larry about God’s master plan for the universe.

Matt discovered there were many great masters besides Jesus. There were Buddha, Muhammad, Moses, and others, each “chosen by God to serve a purpose.” What I was now witnessing in Matt was the emergence of that part of his nature that was thirsting for answers to all the fundamental questions of life.

He asked Larry why, out of all the people in the universe, he had been chosen to influence so many millions of souls. Granted this unique position, how could he contribute to save a world burdened with hunger, disease, and poverty? Why was there so much human suffering in the first place? And why wasn’t he happy, when he had more than anyone could want? He felt he was missing something in life. Through Larry’s insight, he hoped to find the path that would lead him to the answers.

He was eager for all of us—especially me—to absorb all the knowledge he was consuming. Happy to share everything, just as he had with his Bible discussions in L.A., he read to us for hours and handed out books he thought would interest us. He announced that in order for us to be perfect soul mates, I’d have to join him in his search for the answers to the universe. To help me, he gave me several large books, including Vera Stanley Adler’s The Initiation of the World.

He suggested I attend the lectures of the metaphysical philosopher and author Manley P. Hall. I did. I found the lectures difficult to understand and painful to endure, but I managed to survive with the hope that “this too shall pass.”

Then he became interested in Cheiro’s Book of Numbers, which defined people’s personality traits and characteristics according to the day of the month on which they were born. To find out who was compatible with whom, Matt added up the numbers in the birthdays of everyone within the group. I waited in terror, praying that my number would be a six, seven, or eight, so I would be compatible with Matt, who was an eight. Fortunately, my number linked with his.

Although I was striving to be his soul mate and subtly becoming more aware of myself as a spiritual being, my heart longed for the very temptations he was fighting to conquer.

While I patiently waited at home at Graceland for his returns, planning romantic interludes, he was attempting to overcome worldly temptations and believed he was going through a cleansing period, physically and spiritually. Any sexual temptations were against everything he was striving for, and he did not wish to betray me, the girl waiting for him at home who was preparing to be his wife.

He felt guilty and confused about his natural reaction to female advances and I believe that this was his greatest fear when it came to marriage. He loved me and deeply wanted to be faithful to me but never felt certain that he could resist temptation. It was a persistent battle, and it even got to the point where he felt he had to resist me.

“y/nn,” he said one night before we went to bed, “you’re going to have to be pretty understanding these next few weeks, or however long it takes. I feel that I have to withdraw myself from the temptations of sex.”

“But why? And why with me?”

He was quite solemn. “We have to control our desires so they don’t control us. If we can control sex, then we can master all other desires.”

When we were in bed, he took his usual dose of sleeping pills, handed me mine, and then, fighting off drowsiness from the pills, pored over his metaphysical books.

As his soul mate I was expected to search for answers as fervently as he did, but I just couldn’t bear reading the ponderous tracts that surrounded us in bed every night. Usually within five minutes of opening one, I’d be sound asleep. Annoyed at my obvious disinterest, he woke me to share an insightful passage. If I voiced the slightest protest, he’d say, “Things will never work out between us, y/nn, because you don’t show any interest in me or my philosophies.” Then, pointedly: “There are a lot of women out there who would share these things with me.”

Faced with this threat, I forced myself to sit up and try to read the passage. The print swam before my eyes in one big blur.

I wanted to share romantic, not religious, inspirations with him. I tried to cuddle as close to him as I could, feeling the warmth of his body. He told me to sit up and listen, and he read yet another passage, repeating it several times to make sure I grasped its significance. I could bear it no longer. I lost control and started screaming.

“I can’t stand it! I don’t want to hear any more! I’m sick and tired of your voice going on and on! It’s—driving—me—crazy!” I was hysterical, pulling at my hair like a wild woman.

“What do you see?” I demanded. “Tell me, what do you see?”

He stared up at me, his eyes half-closed. “A madwoman, a goddamn raving madwoman,” he answered, slurring his words because of the sleeping pills.

I fell on my knees beside him, crying, “No, Matt, not a madwoman, a woman who needs to make love to and to feel desired by her man. Matt, you can have your books and me too. Please don’t make me beg,” I cried. “I really need you and want you.”

By the time I’d finished my tirade, all I could hear was the faint sound of religious music playing on the radio. I looked up at him. He had fallen into a deep sleep.

Excerpt from: "Elvis and Me" by Priscilla Beaulieu Presley. Scribd. This material may be protected by copyright.

a/n - i feel like you guys are going to want to kill me when i get to the last chapter..🎀

[queerstake]

As a queer drawn to the faith and trying to deal with the messiness of entering into everything, I've been trying hard to read more of the Book of Mormon because I only have a very vague understanding of it's Whole Deal, but executive dysfunction, ADHD, and honestly, a million other excuses are making it very difficult. Are there any good resources for walking through the fundamentals? Childish but I feel like I'm disappointing the Lord if I'm not more on top of this.

Hi anon! I totally get it and yes, I can think of a few ideas!

If you're looking for ways to understand the BoM (or even just general doctrine) from more of a bird's eye view:

I hope you don't find this silly, but when I was a kid, the church published an illustrated children's version of the BoM that's obviously way quicker to flip through. It might be harder for you to find those exact editions I read as a kid if you don't have ready access to a church library, BUT I found this!! It's (almost) the ENTIRE BoM illustrated and summarized and it's online!

Looks like they put out videos too that summarize the BoM beginning to end. Here's a link to the video series. I haven't seen these, so I can't vouch for them, but they might be helpful! Similarly, there's a BoM in 60 seconds video you might find helpful.

If you'd benefit from a schedule, the church is currently studying the BoM in sunday school! The past few years, we've been using a study guide called Come Follow Me with weekly assigned reading chapters. I've actually been working on posts about CFM as they relate to queer mormon theology, but I haven't had much posted yet since I've been having a rocky start to 2024. As things improve, I'll be able to hopefully even establish a schedule on this blog!

I'm not sure if missionary lessons is something you're interested in at this point, and it's definitely not something you ever need to do, but the missionary lessons themselves are a pretty good doctrine intro if you're looking for just Mormonism 101 in a digestible way. The missionaries teach out a book called Preach My Gospel, which is available right here. You'll be interested in the lessons, which are found in Chapter 3. If you just scroll down, you'll see some of the links are labeled Lesson instead of Chapter--just click on those bad boys. And if you have any doctrinal questions, I'm always MORE than happy to talk about the church! You'll probably get a faster answer DMing me personally at @logans-mormon-blog, but I'll always answer asks here as soon as time permits.

If you're looking for easier ways to finish the BoM from beginning to end:

The BoM on tape. The church has an audiobook version available on the Gospel Library app and other audio apps like Spotify.

The Reader's Edition. If you can get your hand on a reader's edition, a lot of people find this is an easier way to plow through the BoM. What's special about this one is that it's formatted not like scripture but like prose, and it really does change the reading experience!

I don't know if this helps any, but I struggle with some of the same issues as you and I'm always bitterly disappointed when I'm not able to move mountains. If I had my way, I'd be the most well-read scriptorian of all time and this blog would be updated constantly. But life often doesn't shake out that way. I spend way more time than I want to with my brain entirely burned out of my head. So you're not alone, if that's any comfort. I think God gets it--he made our brains, after all, and knows how hard it is to wrestle with. It's easier said than done, but don't beat yourself up. God loves the both of us and he's the most perfectly patient person who's ever lived. He's not frustrated or disappointed with our efforts. Religion exists, in my opinion, to help improve and enrich our lives, not make them more challenging OR even to make them perfect if we only could just run fast enough. I too wish I could be more diligent and on it, but shit happens, right? And we're not on earth to be perfect, we're here to be happy and to learn. When Joseph Smith was translating the BoM, God told him "Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided to enable you to translate; but be diligent unto the end." D&C 10:4. We're doing our damndest, and that's all God even wants from us.

If anyone else has more resource ideas, please let us know!

-Logan