#Probably should warn ya. Some emotional stuff ahead.

[salesmanofhappiness]

She’s... Fluffy

(Ikala Belongs to @landprotectedby3 / @princce7 )

Tortus had this invasive thought lately. One that both terrified and intrigued him. Everyone would talk about how soft Sky and Ikala were. It must have been true, as he would see others just idly pet them without much care. It brought out the worst kind of curiosity in him. One to this day he never wanted to know the answer to... until now. 

While yes, he had technically known Sky for years, it had been so long that the memory of just how soft her fur was slipped his mind. She bragged, of course. Keatons having slick, silky coats that no other creature could measure. As curious as he was, the merchant didn’t want to use her as a base for his curiosity. Perhaps, had he found out later that she wasn’t a talking cat, he might have gone for it. However, it gave him a displeased chill; knowing she could talk. Could tell everyone about this strange desire. He only wanted to know what he was missing out on. But that fear. That screaming in the back of his mind, the unpleasant tingle that made his heart race and his face began to sweat cold. Surely his curiosity couldn’t drown out his life-long phobia. Surely.

For now, the merchant was just idling in his chair. The shop was quiet; only making these rather annoying thoughts more prominent. He left out a long, loud sigh as he leaned back in his chair. The merchant could get away with this in secret. No one had to know he was trying to face his fears. It honestly seemed like no one noticed when he actually jumped a big hurdle; so perhaps it didn’t matter. Feeding them table scraps-- Actually feeding them at all, and letting them come closer and closer into his personal bubble as months went by. Such big feats were small to everyone else. Part of him wondered if they actually knew he was-- in all earnesty, trying. Another sigh. The merchant’s eyes drift toward the display tables. Mask lined in rows waiting only for their owners. They didn’t expect anything from him. At most, if they could, would request a cleaning more often. Of course, that could just be him projecting. Sure, he could read them, sense and underlining emotion or energies within; mostly from the artist that created them, but beyond that there was no desire for anything. At the end of the day they were inanimate and not sentient. They wouldn’t care if they were set on fire, let alone notice his inner struggle.

There was a pause in thought. Did he want someone to notice? Tortus wasn’t quite sure of that himself. With a final sigh, he decided he was hungry. It was time to close up for lunch. Maybe a nice meal would help filter out his troubled mind. The merchant stood from his chair and gave a flick of the wrist. The familiar click of the shop door locking had barely registered. His foot falls leading him up the stairs and into his apartment above the shop. The quaint, homely place was as he left it the night before. A small apartment, leaving only so much space to work with. The kitchen, living room and work space were all cramped in their own little space of the main room. Unfinished masks cluttering his work desk, and the smell of drying paint wafting through the air. A comfort to him, but a sting to the nose of someone else. The floors were clean, at least, clean enough. His shop took priority over his apartment, and often there was a layer of dust on something, or even bits of wood scattered here or there. Maybe cleaning would take his mind off things. Though, it would have to wait. Stepping to the kitchen, he almost didn’t notice the purple mass curled up on his couch. 

Out of what must have been instinct at this point; he froze. His naturally squinted eyes glued to the ball of fur snoozing away. He forced himself to calm. His heart had already started to beat from that jolt to his system. It was getting easier, but he still wasn’t sure just how long he can take it. If you had asked the merchant before all this. Before Majora awakened, before Sky showed up, he would have told you that he didn’t like animals. He refused to be in any close proximity to them. While he certainly couldn’t say he wasn’t still afraid; there was an attachment there now. Tortus himself was still very much afraid, but their presence in his life had made it difficult to say he would get rid of them. The word wasn’t quite comfortable; familiar, perhaps. They were familiar to him. He took in a shaking inhale before pooling his composure and continuing to the kitchen. She was asleep, he reminded himself. She was harmless.

The merchant went about the mundane, but comfortable task of making a meal. Something simple for now, but also requiring his attention. Luckily, he had dried noodles for himself. That was simple enough. He lit his old stovetop and got the kettle and pot. Couldn’t have lunch without a comforting cup of tea. Some black tea with honey and a dash of cinnamon. The smell and taste cleansed the pallet and eased a wary mind. As the merchant set up, he couldn’t help but notice his mind wandering once again. Back to the uncomfortable idea prior. He would occasionally catch himself looking at the sleeping raccoon creature. Her soft breathing was the only sign she was alive. 

“No.” He thought aloud. “No, it’s too risky. If I startle her, she might…” He shuddered at the thought as his muttered words trailed off.

But what if. 

What if she didn’t attack him? What if his fears all these years were actually irrational? He was a powerful man, capable of anything he put his mind to. What was he afraid of? 

He knew just what he was afraid of. He was afraid of the pain. A reasonable fear, but was it reasonable at this moment? Was he justified in thinking Ikala or Sky would hurt him purposefully? 

Tea. He needed some tea. Though, the longer he stewed, the more his mind insisted on the “What ifs”. He was called a coward for most of his life up until recently. He was a brave child turned skittish. A boy ready for anything marred and world wary long before adulthood. He took a breath and looked over to Ikala. No one was here to call him a coward if he decided to back out of it. He could do however he pleased; beyond hurting the creature. Tortus put down what he was holding. At first he only stood there; watching Ikala gently breath. There was the lightest few steps forward. He could feel his heart in his throat. There was sweat already starting to trail down his face. He clenched his teeth, forcing a few more steps. There were long pauses between his steps. Little moments to try and pool his courage and composure. Somewhere, he had heard animals could smell fear. Ikala probably smelt it constantly, but he earnestly didn’t know how she would react if he touched her. He could feel his chest tighten, making breathing difficult. Still, he pushed forward. He was inches away from Ikala now. He could feel his whole body shaking. His throat started to feel dry, forcing him to swallow.  Most of his resolve had vanished. He was just standing there, looking down at one of the many… many creatures he feared the most. She was a construct of sorts. A living, breathing creation of Majora himself. She was no normal raccoon. Her very existence was once the bane of his. Purple fur bled into blues and pinks. Though, the longer he stared, the more he realized subtle things he had missed. He had been more focused on her snout full of teeth and little hands with long claws. Both of which had proven more than capable of doing damage. That maw was blue, with a purple strip going from her nose all the way up and spreading out around her eyes. Light blue and purple almost neatly divided just above her eyes. Wrapped around her eyes was a pink mask of fur, almost bridging her nose, before the purple line broke the connection. Those terrible claws, he noticed, were also pink, but a deeper, more sedated color. His eyes trailed down, realizing he had only never noticed her purple color. When she was actually many other colors. Tortus never actually took a moment to study her this closely. This new found discovery put a little more vigar in him. Drawing in a deep breath, he slowly crouched down to be at her level. He was still shaking, but he wasn’t paralized like seconds prior. 

Carefully, hesitantly, he reached out his calloused fingers toward her. His breath held as he grew closer and closer. The merchant could feel his breath hitching, and his eyes started to feel wet. And then, with the lightest touch the man could ever manage, he finally made contact. It was gentle, and his hand was near vibrating, but he had done it. As he watched others do countless times, his fingers gently smoothed down her side. He started to ease.

Everyone was right. She was soft. No long before that thought came to his mind did Ikala sturr and look at him. He froze. Eyes wide and the violent shaking seemed to get worse. He could feel tears wheeling now, threatening to downpour at the slightest movement. He could feel his mind racing with unpleasant memories. Fear. This was unhinged, unfiltered fear. Tortus wanted to run, but he felt glued to the spot, unable to think, only see flashes in his mind as Tortus stared the raccoon down. The seconds felt like hours as she tiredly looked at him. She finally yielded, her head falling back into the soft cushion as her body inched closer. It gave Tortus a start, but nothing compared to what he expected to happen. 

His shaking hand just laid on Ikala’s side. The tears that threatened calm down in a pour. He was near hyperventilating, but this wasn’t out of fear. Yes, he was afraid, he knew this small interaction wasn’t going to be enough. It was the relief that washed over him. It was complete relief giving out into quiet sobbing. 

Maybe. Just maybe he could do this. 

[cherrycocaineee]

13. Dean Winchester - Confession

    Bobby was sitting at his desk flipping through the millions of dusty, old, torn books he had collected over the years when I came down the stairs, carrying my purse along my shoulder. The sound of my small feet thumping against his creaky wooden floors caused him to look at me. He was already drinking scotch this early in the morning and the tired, purple bags under his eyes proved that he had a restless night just like usual. I smiled sympathetically at him as I approached, getting a large whiff of the liquor he was pouring down his throat. I could hardly count the number of times I’ve warned him and the boys about drinking so much, yet they never listened. Though I didn’t really expect them to, considering all of the things they’ve seen in their lifetime.

  “Where are you off to?” He asked, pouring himself another glass of scotch.

 “We’re low on groceries,” I hummed, “so I’m going down to the market to pick some stuff up. I’ll make breakfast when I come back, okay?”

   “I’ll hold ya to that. You need any money?”

 I shook my head and patted the side of my purse before leaving for the market. It wasn’t a long trip, it was literally a block from where Bobby lived. When I arrived at the small, yet vibrant place, I inhaled the sweet scent of freshly picked produce and other aromas. Inside I pushed the basket around and collected everything we needed for the house: fresh produce, meats, bread, eggs, and much more. Considering how much fast food I use while travelling with the boys, I was happy to find a place that sold freshly grown fruits and vegetables, and freshly cut chops of meat, and more. I spent an hour in total at the market before paying for my groceries and heading back to the house.

  While carrying all of the paper bags inside, I could hear talking going on inside. I shook it off as Bobby being on the phone and continued.

  “Bobby, I’m home,” I called, “I’m about to start breakfast, so why don’t you trade that scotch in for a cup of coffee.”

  The voices from the other room quieted down just as I placed the groceries on the kitchen table. I walked out of the kitchen and saw Bobby standing in the middle of the room with none other than Dean and Sam. My eyes widened at the sight of them. The last time I saw Sam was when he jumped into the cage, holding Lucifer in and knocking Michael inside too. And Dean, well, I hadn’t seen him since he went to live with Lisa and Ben. It had hurt a lot when he left too, not wanting to stay with Bobby. Not wanting to stay with me. But I didn’t make a big deal about it despite being madly in love with him. Though I’d never tell him that since he was in love with Lisa.

  “Hey, Persephone,” Sam and Dean said simultaneously, making my eyes water.

  “Hey,” I whispered, a smile forming on my face.

  I walked over to them and embraced them both, feeling their large, muscular arms wrap around my thin frame as they held me close. As I pulled away from the hug, Lisa popped her head around the corner. My chest was tightening as I saw Dean walk over to her. They went off to speak to one another, I cleared my throat and turned my attention to Sam.

  “When did you get back from hell?” I asked.

  From the look on his face and the way he was rubbing the back of his neck with his rough hands, I knew there was something he wasn’t sure he wanted to tell me. Or at least the truth anyway. But he decided that he’d tell me in the end.

 “A year, actually,” he muttered.

  My forest green eyes widened at his words. I spent the next fifteen minutes tearing a new one into both Sam and Bobby, who had been hiding this from me the entire year, then returned to the kitchen to cook breakfast. There was a mix of frustration, betrayal, and other emotions mixing up inside of me as I started scrambling the eggs and cooking the sausage and bacon. Quiet sizzling could be heard throughout the kitchen, masking the sound of my humming while I cooked. As I was moving on to the coffee, I heard footsteps coming from behind me so I swirled around to see Dean walking in. He didn’t look too happy either.

  “Did you just find out that Sam’s been back for a year too?” I questioned, throwing away the old coffee grounds into the trash.

 “Well yes,” he stated, “but that’s not while I’m upset.”

  I had started plating the food by then, starting off with Ben’s since he was here and was probably hungry.

  “What’s going on?”

  I set a cup of coffee down in front of him.

  “Sam needs my help hunting a Djinn,” he answered, “and I’m worried because the things might come after Lisa and Ben.”

  Honestly, I should have seen that coming. Sam, despite being back from hell, wouldn’t have asked Dean for help if it wasn’t life or death. It made me wonder if they’d only come to drop off Dean's family or to ask me to help. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t jealous of Lisa, in fact, I was happy for her and Dean. It just hurt every time I saw them together.

  “So that’s why you brought them to Bobby’s,” I whispered, buttering some fresh French bread, “so we could watch them while you guys hunted the Djinn?”

  “Well actually,” Dean said, placing his cup on the table, “just for Bobby to watch them. You’re coming with us right?”

  A small, sad smile appeared on my face as I lifted up Bobby’s plate while shaking my head.

 “I don’t hunt anymore, Dean. When Sam jumped into that cage and you left to go live with Lisa and Ben, the two of you left me behind. So I just stopped hunting. Now I just clean up and cook while studying.”

  “Studying?”

  “I started going back to school. Granted it’s online but I figured I might as well get an education.”

  It was silent between us, so I just walked away and headed towards Bobby with his breakfast. He was sitting at his desk once again when I arrived and graciously welcomed the warm food. I went back into the kitchen, where Dean was still sitting, and picked up the plate for Ben then headed upstairs to give it to him.

  Lisa was unpacking their overnight bags when I reached the room they were staying in. Ben was sitting on the bed, playing some video game on his gaming device. Tapping on the door, I caught their attention and smiled welcomingly.

  “Hey,” I said, “I’m Persephone, a friend of Sam and Dean’s. I made your son some breakfast if he’d like to eat.”

  A smile appeared on her face in return, “thank you, Persephone. I’m Lisa and this is Ben.”

  I didn’t tell her that I already knew her name, that would be rude. Instead, I shook her hand and placed Ben’s food down on one of the nightstands. He thanked me and started shoveling food inside his mouth fast. It reminded me of how Dean would eat when he was in a rush. Swallowing the forming lump inside my throat, I left the two of them to finish unpacking. Halfway down the stairs, I froze and gripped the railing tight. My heart felt like it was racing, tears were streaming down my cheek as I tried to collect myself. Wiping away the unwanted water leaks, I sighed softly and went downstairs. Sam and Dean were getting ready to leave when I made it to the main room. The two Winchester brother’s faced me when I entered.

  “You sure you don’t want to come, Perse?” Sam inquired.

 I held up my hands and giggled, “no thanks. You guys be safe.”

  I hugged them tightly, almost relaxing when I felt the safety of their embrace. They said a final goodbye to Bobby and I then left for wherever it was they were going to hunt this monster. Bobby returned to his breakfast and I went into the kitchen to pack up the leftovers and clean up. Once the kitchen was tidied up, I headed back upstairs to my room to get some reading done. I had some homework assignments that were in desperate need of doing before midnight tomorrow and I liked to stay ahead of the clock.

  Hours and hours passed before I finally passed out while reading my book. No dreams occupied my slumber while I napped, however, I was eventually awakened by the sound of someone knocking on my door. Stirring around in my covers, both eyes pried themselves open and stared at the dimly lit ceiling before looking to my right and seeing it was well past three o’clock in the morning. Another knock echoed throughout the room and I finally dragged myself out of the comforting quilt and onto the assaulting, cold floor. I rubbed my eyes to wipe the sleep away and pulled the door open. Lisa was standing on the other side, holding a plate in her hand.

  “Bobby said that you were up here studying, and you missed dinner,” she said, “did I wake you?”

 “Yeah,” I groggily whispered, “but it’s okay.”

  I took the plate from her and saw that she had cooked some chicken noodle soup. It smelled great, reminding me of my early years in life when I still lived with my mom. She followed me inside of the room as I sat criss crossed on my bed with the soup in hand, smelling the melted butter on the toast. My eyes met the clock once again and was astonished to see that I had slept and studied for such a long time. It felt like only seconds ago that it was morning and I had just finished cooking breakfast.

 “Persephone,” Lisa said while I slurped the soup up, “I’m sure you’re aware of the things Sam and Dean do, right?”

  “Of course,” I answered before scooping another spoonful of soup in my mouth.

 “How were you okay with it? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Dean and I understand that he’s gotta do what he has to, but sometimes I worry that he’ll come home hurt or something will follow him home.”

   Though there was a ping in my chest when she said she loved Dean, I couldn’t help but smile at how worried she was for him. It was something that he definitely needed since he was always worrying about other people. I placed the plate onto the empty nightstand and scooted closer to the edge of the bed, patting the spot next to me. When Lisa sat down, I took her hands into my own.

  “It’s a lot to process,” I whispered, “when I met Sam and Dean, I was so unsure about leaving everything I knew to travel with them and fight all of those monsters. But I know deep down in my heart that they would never let people they love get hurt and they’ll die trying to protect those they consider family. Especially Dean. What you can do for him, is just be there, even if it’s hard. Because at the end of the day, he needs that most of all.”

   The two of us shared a hug before she agreed she would do her best to make Dean feel loved and secure. After saying goodnight to me, she retreated back to her room, closing the door behind her. When she was out of sight, I grabbed my soup again and slowly started slurping it up again. It was comforting knowing that she would be taking care of Dean. Once he came back, I’d persuade him to go back with Lisa, telling him that he deserved to be with someone that made him happy.

   The next day came quickly and I hadn’t fallen back asleep after my conversation with Lisa, so I spent the rest of the entire night reading. Soft, illuminating rays of sunshine burst through the clear, white curtains in my room as I finished throwing on a short-sleeve, white, shirt that only tied close. Running my fingers through my brushed hair, I fixed up any lumps that were visible.

  Bobby was asleep at his desk when I reached downstairs, so I went over to him and wrapped a blanket around his snoring body. Picking up his almost empty bottle of scotch, I carried it back to the kitchen to put it away and make a new pot of coffee. Wanting nothing more than to sit outside with a non-school book and my delicious morning nectar, reading as the sun played against my pale skin. There was no telling when Sam and Dean would be home, along with there being no way of knowing when they would wake up. So I wanted to get in as much peace and quiet as possible before the day began.

  With the coffee cup in my right hand and a good book in the other, I sat on the back of one of Bobby’s rundown cars and started reading. Four chapters in and I was already getting up to make myself a second cup of joe. Just as I slipped off the back of the rusted car, Dean and Sam pulled up. The sun was only just inching towards the middle of the sky when they arrived. Both climbing out of their seats, I noticed that they were not only tired but relieved.

  “How’d it go?” I inquired, “seemed pretty quick.”

 “It went fine,” Sam replied, “except Dean’s got a big slash on his arm. They came right at us.”

   I went over to Dean and saw that he had wrapped his cut in a cloth but the blood was still leaking through. Clicking my tongue, I shook my head while leading the two of them inside. Sam explained on the way that they had figured that the Djinn were targeting both of them, so they went back to Dean’s home and waited there. When Dean noticed that his friends and neighbors were being killed, he ran to help and ended up almost dying. But Sam helped him. The fight raged on but in the end, the Winchester boys came out on top. Sam went to wash up while I started taking care of Dean’s wound.

  With the First Aid Kit laying beside me on the kitchen table, I unwrapped his wound and gulped at the sight of it. Dean chuckled.

  “Makes you miss the old days, huh?” He laughed.

 “Not really,” I giggled, “a lot of it may have been great but watching the two people I cared the most about get injured was never easy.”

  “It was never easy watching you get hurt either.”

 I cleaned up the wound and sprayed some of the cleaning solution on it causing Dean to wince. It made me laugh because of how soft he had become in the last year. After rewrapping the wound in a proper bandage, I threw everything else away and put the first aid kit back in its rightful spot. When I looked back at him, I saw that he was staring at his hands.

  “Are you thinking about leaving Lisa and Ben?” I asked, returning to the table.

  “I’m not sure,” he stated, “if I leave them, more monsters could show up looking for me and hurt them, but if I stay then even more monsters will show up and hurt them to get to me.”

  “But at least you’d be there to protect them.”

 His perfect, bright green eyes met my own darker, emerald ones.

  “If you left Lisa and Ben today, then you would never be able to forgive yourself if they got hurt without you being there. However, I know, and Lisa knows, that you would do anything for the people you love. So maybe you being there is what’s best right now.”

   The words seemed to sink in before he nodded in agreement.

 “Then it’s settled. I’ll be going back with Lisa and Ben when they wake up.”

   I squeezed his shoulder and sat down at the table. Running a shaking hand through my hair as a soft sigh left my lips. I don’t know what came over me, all of a sudden I felt that maybe I should say something to him if this was the last time I’d see him. I had no intention of breaking him and Lisa up but I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. It was practically tearing me up inside.

  “Dean, there’s something I need to tell you before you go,” I whispered.

 “What is it?” He asked, his eyes never wavering away from me.

  My palms felt sweaty and my throat felt drier than I had ever felt before. Taking a deep breath, I faced him and smiled. I chickened out.

  “I’m going to miss you.”

  I went to go back to my room, but Dean grabbed my wrist stopping me from leaving. I clenched my fist tight and turned around, not ready to face him because I knew he could read my face like a book. He stood there holding my arm, not tight but not lightly so I would stay there.

  “That’s definitely not what you were going to say,” he said, “tell me.”

  With a final deep breath, I nodded my head, “I love you.”

  His eyes widened and he dropped my hand, letting it drop to my side. I felt it sway before coming to a slow stop. Then I held it to defend myself.

  “I’m not saying this to break you and Lisa up,” I said, “I want you to go with her and be there for Ben. But I also wanted to let you know, in case we never saw each other again.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He croaked, and I thought that I could see tears in his eyes.

 I could only shrug my shoulders, “with everything going on, it just didn’t feel right. And then you wanted to go live with Lisa after Sam was gone so I just never told you.”

   Our conversation was interrupted by Ben and Lisa running into the kitchen, Bobby walking behind them, and embracing Dean. They were happy that he had come home with hardly any injuries. Dean wrapped his arms around them both but he was staring at me. I smiled sweetly, holding my hands in front of me while watching them be reunited. Lisa and Ben were ready to go home with Dean, and even though I knew Dean wanted to stay and talk more about what I had just confessed, I helped push him out the door. If he stayed any longer, I was definitely going to want him to stay forever. But I couldn’t be selfish. Sam, Bobby, and I stood at the front door and waved as the three of them drove off. When they were out of sight, my hand dropped. I felt Bobby place his hand on my shoulder and look at me with understanding.

  I wasn’t sure when the next time I would see Dean again, but I knew that it wasn’t going to be any time soon. And if I was being honest, I didn’t want to see him again. He needed to be with Lisa.

[fandom-scatteredthoughtsonpaper]

This is gonna sound messed up (I understand if you don’t wanna do it, you don’t have to) but I’d love to request head cannons of the Brothers reacting to an MC that’s just over everything. They keep a blank expression, not even phased by the monsters and magic in the Devildom, doesn’t care about the threats they get from demons around them (Brothers included), and even encourages them to kill them since they don’t really have anything to look forward to in life. When asked why they’re like this, MC would shrug and say “Not like anyone’s gonna care or miss me. I’m still not safe here 😐 *recalls how often they were threatened/nearly killed by the brothers*”

Other examples are like:

Lucifer: That could’ve killed you! *was pissed*

MC: I know, why did you think I did it? 😶

Belphagor:*is mad at MC*

MC: Go ahead and kill me again. Make sure I stay dead this time ☺️

Firstly, I wanna say sorry for taking so long with your request. Secondly, I hope I did justice to what you were wanting!

GN MC THAT'S DONE WITH EVERYTHING SCENARIOS WITH BROTHERS

Trigger warning: Suicide idealization, death cravings

Usual expectations would have been a bigger emotional response, a predictable reaction in astonishment and disbelief, or a suddenly broadened mindset that could range from stupefaction to incredulity to consternation based on the revelations that there actually was a heaven and hell, or close enough to what human concepts have conjured up in equivalent terms to the Celestial Realm and Devildom, but you were just an exhausted human that got unapologetically pulled into this transfer student program thing.

Maybe living with demons could have some benefits though.

Mammon:

-Mammon had left you alone outside in the courtyard of the school while he ran back inside, promising to be back in a few minutes, claiming to have forgotten something or another.

-That was fifteen minutes ago.

-It's not like you had any plans for anything special, but the long wait was gradually chipping away at your patience. You glanced at the time on your D.D.D. before pocketing the device. You were giving him a few more minutes, but then you were going home on your own

-As you loitered next to the doorway you lackadaisically watched the passing demons as they came and went, some grouping together to chat around the entrance

-You weren't paying attention to anything in particular as you absentmindedly looked around, but you noticed suspicious glances when you would turn your eyes to the doorway for Mammon

-A nearby group of demons that had clustered together were talking in hushed tones with harsh cackles

-You had a suspicion that you might be a topic, but you chose to ignore them and their pitched laughter that fell just as quickly as it erupted. It wasn't a concern to you what they were discussing.

-Patience finally expired, you moved away from your waiting spot against the wall to leave when you saw a trio of demons separate from the group that had been stealing looks at you earlier

-They encircled you and blocked your way. The courtyard seemed to quickly fall quiet as the demons smiled nastily and began making jeers

-"Where's your whipped bodyguard, human?"

-"Mammon probably bounced, because there's no incentive for him to stick around if there's no money involved."

-Something about that quip was funny to the demons, but it didn't strike a cord with you, so you remained mute as they laughed

-Something about your indifference or lack of reaction to their intimidation must have annoyed the one to your left a bit too much, because he moved towards you aggressively, his smile a snarling frown. A sudden blur behind him caught his arm that had begun the motions of a punch and jerked him backwards, causing him to stagger and fall

-Mammon immediately placed himself between you and the other two demons. His presence emitted a threat more awe-inspiring than these chump change demons could have hoped to muster, and they quickly retreated to their clique that dispersed in a hurry

-Mammon, after watching the demons scurry away, turned to you and started mother-henning and making comments about how you should have called him and chastising you for letting yourself get into that mess.

-You shrugged off his hands and began your way to the courtyard's exit, leaving a perturbed Mammon to trail after you, fussing at you to care a bit more about the situation.

-"You're actin' like you're totally unphased! Are ya wantin' a death wish or something?"

-"I was just doing what you told me about dying if you couldn't save me."

Beelzebub (and Asmo):

-You had developed a mean habit when you hung around Beel.

-You would pick food off of his plate when he would sit next to you, teasing him that a little missing wouldn't hurt him. You would also freely browse through his bag of favorite sweets and eat them in full view of him.

-It was fun tempting him to try something against the puny human that kept stealing his food, and you could see the growing frustration. It was apparent in his eyes, in the way he watched you when you came around if food was in his presence.

-You knew at some point Beel would finally reach his limits and go off, considering what had happened when Mammon had eaten his custard, but you hadn't expected it to be on an occasion you hadn't prompted anything.

-It was during afternoon when you had entered the kitchen you saw Asmo leaning against the counter, eating from a container that looked suspiciously familiar. It was a pudding cup that had Madame Scream's logo on the lid. You noticed on the side a warning was written: "You touch it, you die."

-That was definitely a snack Beel had purchased, and Asmo was eating it without any awareness

-Beel came into the kitchen shortly after you, making a beeline for the refrigerator. He began rummaging through the contents on the shelves and in the drawers

-Asmo and you quietly watched Beel as he searched through the fridge and freezer before Asmo asked what he was looking for.

-"A pudding I bought from Madame Scream's. It was from a batch that they're not selling anymore for a while. It was the last one."

-You saw Asmo's face go through a series of emotions as he connected the dots, dreaded uncertainty to fearful realization to a timorous epiphany. He shot you a nervous look before he quietly shuffled to the nearby trash can

-You glanced at the mostly empty cup as Asmo tried to escape the kitchen, but he froze in his steps when Beel slammed the fridge door closed, resulting in you both jumping in surprise. You were impressed that you didn't hear a loud clatter of stuff breaking from the force.

-"It's not in there."

-You could hear the gears turning in Asmo's head as he tried to think of an excuse while looking like a deer in headlights. It was painfully obvious that Asmo was guilty.

-Beel turned away from the fridge and his gaze shifted between Asmo, the culprit, and you, the heckling human. Beel inevitably decided to question Asmo first, taking his focus off you. Your eyes flicked to the trash can and you swiped up the pudding container.

-You could hear Asmo as he began to desperately stutter out incomplete excuses as Beel heatedly interrogated him.

-"Beel!"

-Asmo and Beel turned their attention to you as you held up the cup. You unapologetically admitted you ate it. You also confessed you knew it had been Beel's because of the warning, but you still ate it regardless.

-Beel's face darkened, so much rage emanating from him that you swear you coulda seen vapors wafting around his body. Asmo had backed away from Beel. You clutched the pudding cup hard enough to crumple it as you anticipated for the outburst, eager and fearful.

-Except nothing like that happened. Beel let out a deep sigh that seemed to release the growing emotions, and he deflated, his shoulders drooping and an almost hurt expression visible.

-Beel mumbled something that you couldn't quite catch, maybe an apology to Asmo, and then left the kitchen, hungry and disheartened.

-Asmo blinked in amazement at the doorway before he was at you side, happily enveloping you into a too tight hug. He began gushing his gratitude and praising you in compliments for your selflessness, but you felt a disappointed void in your chest.

-"That's not what I had been hoping for."

-Asmo, misunderstanding your statement, eagerly dropped an invitation to his room later so he could thank you properly, but you'd rather he just eat your heart instead.

Belphegor:

-There was something in the atmosphere that would always change if Belphie was around

-You could feel the curious sensation when you passed in the hallways and the stairs or if the only people left in a room were you two

-The air would shift to an awkward strained feeling or something would be just on the brink of uneasy

-Personal boundaries were stiffly maintained, glances were ungraciously hidden, any exchange of words were short and tense, like something would fracture if the wrong action was done or if there was hidden offense just a syllable away

-The uncomfortable undertones were logically sensible, considering your past circumstances with Belphie

-Except...

-This behavior was only demonstrated from Belphie. You were perfectly neutral to the outcome of what he had done to you, maybe a little bummed if you had to silently confess.

-Since his murderous outburst, Belphie had made a few attempts at making amendments with you

-You didn't see a fault that needed to be forgiven, so you ignored them. If anything, Belphie should be apologizing for accomplishing to kill you but failing at keeping you deceased.

-Whenever you thought back to that dead version of yourself, broken and limp, cradled in Mammon's lap, you felt a tingle of jealousy, like you had been cheated of something.

-You had been lost in an immersion with a book you had borrowed from Satan when a weight on the other side of the couch brought you back to cognizance. You saw from your peripheral vision that it was Belphie, clutching his pillow that he always carried around

-He fiddled with the tassel, his stare unfocused as he seemed to be thinking of how to begin yet another discussion that you weren't interested in, mainly because you assumed he would try to slip another apology in at some point

-You sighed, closed your book, and shifted your focus to Belphie, who was staring at you with his usual lazy stare but with an uncertain curiosity. Normally, he was the first to initiate conversations, but you were over this monotonous exchange.

-You were going to put an end to it.

-You leaned forward, invading the space bubble that Belphie had been careful to keep around you, and he pushed himself into the cushion of the couch, uncomfortable by your sudden approach.

-"If you feel so bad for your attempt at murdering me, you should skip the apologies and just kill me again. This time make sure I stay dead."

Leviathan:

-Levi was grumbling as he was sorting his prized possessions into piles of keep, trade in, sell, or give away, while you toiled away in the background just organizing, wondering why you had to be involved in helping clean his room

-Levi had stormed up to you, agitated and sniffling, and started a rant about how Lucifer just doesn't understand how hard it is for him to choose between his precious cherishables.

-Lucifer had apparently made an ultimatum with Levi that it was time to sort through his collection of games, manga, collectible figures, and anything else that he had, or he would come in and do it himself

-He had begged you to let him store some of his items in your room, just for a little while, just until Lucifer got off his case, but you immediately shot him down. You weren't going to be pulled into whatever trouble waited for Levi down the road.

-That had been your intentions in the beginning, anyway. Levi just wouldn't stop pestering and pleading with you, so you offered to help him sort through his stuff to put an end to it.

-You were just listening to him complain about how no one understands the hardships of being an otaku and the commitments that came with the lifestyle. You mindlessly muttered an "Mhmm" or "Yeah" on occasion to avoid assumptions you were ignoring him and let him prattle on.

-Your legs had gone numb from your sitting position, so you stretched them out, which resulted in an urge to stretch your whole body. You leaned back and let yourself drop backwards, bored because Levi was only placing things in the keep pile.

-You had thought your back was going to make contact with the cool floor, except it hadn't. Instead you felt a sharp stab and something uncomfortable shortening your fall. The sudden and unexpected loud crinkling noises that caused your instincts to shoot you back up and Levi to snap his head around in your direction were good indicators that you had accidentally reclined on the pile you had accumulated behind you that Levi handed to you to reconsider later.

-Some boxes were very noticeably bent and crumpled, the plastic display windows creased and wrinkled from enduring your full weight and being crushed. The dolls inside the boxes were alright for the most part, the top ones being the most disturbed.

-As you were trying to separate the damaged boxes and the boxes that made it out unscathed from your carelessness, you felt an intimidating presence approach from behind.

-The dark energy emitted was spine-chilling, threatening, and familiar. You peeked over your shoulder to see Levi, silent but radiating an aura of anger that could drown you. He towered over you in his demon form, his tail lashing from side to side.

-Levi snatched the box of a Seraphina figurine out of your hand and began inspecting it. The plastic window was beyond savable and the box frame was squished and torn around the corners. The figurine was a little skewered from her original spot, held in place by twist ties, but was otherwise just fine.

-"This was the limited edition of Seraphina in an actual seraphim-inspired outfit! The box was even designed to match her, so it was like a set! It's completely ruined now!"

-Levi grabbed another dented package with a Ruri-chan figurine inside and ranted about how it was another limited edition and very rare exclusive item because it had been based off a failed spinoff of The Magical Ruri Hanai: Demon Girl.

-You had practically been shoved aside as Levi rummaged through the pile, angrily talking to himself about how he shouldn't have trusted a normie with his precious possessions, lamenting at the loss in value (if he had decided to part with them), and apologizing to the figurines.

-"They're just dolls. There's no reason to be so upset, Levi."

-His hand abruptly snapped out and sharply jerked you forward. An electrifying sensation shot down your spine as Levi pierced his eyes into yours. A fury was burning hot in them.

-You were forcibly pulled to your feet as Levi stood, tugging you unceremoniously to his bedroom door. He shoved you out and his door cracked with a loud slam.

-You stood in the hallway, dazed and dumbfounded. The jarring rise of emotions settled flatly in your stomach. After a moment, you hummed disappointedly. You had thought for sure Levi would have done something different.

Lucifer (and Satan):

-"What did you expect to gain from your actions?"

-You opened your mouth to answer, but Lucifer held his hand up to silence you.

-"He would have killed you. Did you even think of what the outcome could have done to Diavolo or the entire transfer student program? You are completely irresponsible."

-You tried to voice your opinion, but Lucifer shot a glance that shut your mouth permanently. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

-You reclined back on the sofa and watched Lucifer as he collected himself to continue on.

-You should have known better, and you did, but the temptations to provoke Satan were too much to ignore. Insulting him, taking Belphie's suggestions to annoy Satan to the next level, "borrowing" books from his room, leaving the library table a disorganized mess, comparing him to Lucifer when you saw openings.

-It was that last one that finally broke Satan enough. He had tried to make you put away the books you had gotten out, you said you didn't have to listen to him, he mentioned something about learning manners and your place, you commented he sounded like Lucifer and egged him on after he warned you to stop.

-Satan had exploded into a fit. To be honest, you underestimated the severity of his anger.

-You had blinked and Satan had transformed, you had inhaled and Satan had cut off your air flow. The grip on your throat had been tight and excruciating to the point of numbness. You tried to pry his hands away on reflex, but he had simply applied more strength to his hold.

-You remember feeling deprived of sensation throughout your body as blackness creeped into your vision.

-A distant, heavy thud, muted voices behind a thick veil, and the perception of falling were the last remnants you could recall before waking up in Lucifer's room

"You obviously don't care about your own well-being. I didn't think it was necessary to employ a babysitter to you at home as well, but I don't think any of my brothers will be inclined to watch over you. Why can't you just behave and follow the rules set in place to keep you safe?"

-You locked your eyes with Lucifer and casually shrugged. "I have a death wish."

If you have any headcanons that you want me to write, please send them my way! I enjoy writing them out. NSFW is okay, but please know I might not do it. ❤️

[redwinterroses]

RIIIIIIIIIGHT SO.

I just finished chapter 13 of Dog At The Door and holy hot cross buns batman if you're not reading this fic you NEED to. It's literally one of the best written fics I have ever read in my life and I've been reading fanfiction for over 15 years, lol.

I went back and reread the entire fic to lead up to chapter 13 and I decided to treat it like I used to treat things I had to read in college so I took notes as I went and please I am warning you this post is incredibly long. Almost 3k words. PLEASE do not hit that "read more" button unless you're good with having to scroll past it all and also spoilers ahead. Proceed with caution.

~*~

Rereading Dog at the Door reactions (spoilers, obviously):

· Doc finding Ren’s body to be cold and for a second thinking he’s actually dead—my heart

· “That’s Ren, alive and kicking.” Oh…no, Doc. No it’s not.

· The first “Where is my hand?” hits different the second time through

· Gah the ice and winter imagery ALL over the place—my English degree brain wants to watch and see if that shifts to warmth at any point as we go? Thoughts for future Red to think.

· It’s fascinating to me to see Doc constantly thrust into the prey role. This is a guy who is very much not that person normally, but something about the Red King is beyond anything he’s really encountered before—or at least not since Dinnerbone—and it pushes him into an entirely new role that he clearly chafes in

· “I should get back to work on your new arm soon,” he says, making a mental note to add claws to the fingertips. Honestly Doc why tho. XD

· “It feels like something Ren would want him to do.” </3

· Side note: I just watched Doc’s freaking hour long shulker farm vid, and that’s making it a lot easier to hear his voice in this fic

· I’m more curious about the hand.” New Ren laughs a bit at his own words, as though there’s something funny about that phrasing. I MISSED THIS LINE THE FIRST TIME THROUGH

· The bead curtain being cursed hippie treasure XD

· The fact that Doc just so quickly accepts that Ren is gone—maybe not permanently, but at least for now—is kind of heartbreaking. Because you know he hasn’t really accepted it, he’s just… deciding not to feel anything about it. Just nod and move on and pretend you don’t need to stop and cope with the possible/probable death of your best friend and the fact that Someone Else is wearing his skin. That’s so sad.

· “high-fiving the finished hand with his own metal hand.” Aww… Doccy.

· “He shoos away the images of New Ren holding him up by the throat supervillain-style and turns around.” Hmmmmmmm want that fanart. Scary New Ren/RK is good stuff. (post-chapter-13 Red popping in with a WHAT THE HECK)

· “that makes him seem like a ghost in Ren’s body.” YA KNOW. LIKE HE IS.

· Okay side note time: why is the Red King here? Ya know? Like – in 3rdLife the idea of a possessing spirit of bloodlust makes some sense. But why stick around? Was RK trying to escape the 3L server, or was this not deliberate? At what point did he take over from Ren—at Black Heart Altar? In which case, was the whole idea Ren’s to begin with, or was he influenced? Maybe it happened the first time Ren died? The Red King took over then—or at least started to? Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts…

· Wait more theories—what if RK is connected to the ????? entity that spoke to Martyn when he died? In which case, cMartyn said he was considering making that canonically a Watcher (he ended up not doing it, but he also didn’t do anything that contradicted it either). I’m not saying RK is a Watcher… but boy he sure does stare a lot, don’t he.

· Holding the screwdriver like a dagger—mmmm

· Okay funny thought: all this frost, RK’s gonna need to be real careful about rust lol. And straining the metal, tbh, all that freezing and thawing is going to have an effect but the rust idea is making me laugh

· Until I realized it would look like blood and it’s not funny anymore

· “Renbob is in the beanbag stuffed next to the driver’s seat” right so is this where Renbob sleeps because I have been wondering—

· “something about having two people look like Ren when neither of them are makes Doc stop to take a shaky breath” *sob*

· “Renbob clears his throat, looking up at Doc with a smile that is so obviously fake that it hurts.” Ugh the LOT of you stop repressing everything you’ll give yourselves a collective hernia

· “he’ll probably have to break the news to the other hermits, too, Iskall and False and all the others.” All these painful lines I somehow missed the first time through

· Awww warm air comes in when Renbob opens the door—with the flowers and everything, Renbob is so easily associated with spring, I love this contrast.

· Aaand there it is, yup, RK is shocked to see his face on Renbob, and Renbob is shocked to see that this is so clearly Not Ren.

· They both recover pretty quickly, though. Survivors, both of them.

· RK calls Renbob their “ferryman” and I’m not sure if I was supposed to get “crossing the river Styx” vibes from that But I Did. (does RK think he’s dead? That they’re all dead?) (post-chapter-13 Red here with a little bit of wordless screaming.) (and also a bit of pride that I picked up on this.)

· “And what a help you’ve been! Fixing me up, replacing my hand.” Hi yes, 911? there’s a dagger stabbed into my feels.

· “he’d rather remember rage than see another person’s heart break.” Dang that’s such a raw line. Oof.

· ”the Red King says, his voice hoarse with tears.” Really interesting that this blood deity can feel such emotions—like, anger or even fear, I can get. But to see this entity upset to the point of tears is fascinating.

· “There is a crown on Doc’s workbench.” Right, yeah so like—is RK unwillingly manifesting these artifacts? Because that’s wild, man. …how long before he manifests an “enchanter”?

· “I’ve never seen it [the crown] clean before.” Okay that definitely implies that maybe RK didn’t come around until after Black Heart Altar?

· “The Red King has the crown in his lap when Doc turns back around, claws gently tracing over the engravings, leaving frost patterns behind.” I really wish I had art skills because there’s this image in my head of a drawing of the crown held in RK’s hands, with his face (one eye glowing, one in shadow) reflected in the surface, and frost patterns following behind a claw that’s daintily tracing the surface. But I can’t draw so—

· RK asks for a change of clothes. What was he wearing when they rescued him, I wonder? The Red King outfit with the fur capelet? Or Ren’s Stargazer outfit? Which begs the question: where does Stargazer fit into all this? Was Ren’s return to Hermitcraft RK free, but when he came so close to dying to Sith, RK found that as a gateway to take over? (Post-13 Red here, Looking Intently at this note.)

· Awww… the image of a one-legged RK clutching new clothes to his chest and hopping down to change in the bathroom… That’s weirdly endearing. He’s less menacing when he stands up somehow. Less lurking, maybe.

· Oooohhhhh he messed up his back sleeping on the floor. Gotcha.

· Doc keeps telling himself (and RK) that saving him and working on these parts is “the right thing to do” and while he’s not WRONG I just want to see him realize that it’s not only the right thing, it’s realistically the only thing, because if he didn’t, then he’d have to deal with the fact that he’s lost his best friend and we can’t have that.

· “I don’t need to eat” ummmmmm no hold on this definitely implies that RK is possessing a dead body and I’m not okay with that where is Ren

· LOLOL “I can’t stand to see [you do] this” is such a raw line to be about watching Doc eat cereal with his hands

· “The voice doesn’t belong to who he thinks it does.” Ugh, Doc. This isn’t the first time he’s lost a close friend to Something Else, something otherworldly.

· “All of them are waiting for him, waiting for him to do something more, something better—” aaand there it is. Doc’s characterization in this fic in a single sentence.

· Doc waking up and thinking he’s seeing Ren and RK’s hesitation and the gentle “I’m not Ren”—OH MY HEART

· RK’s coffee = Renbob’s friendship bracelets

· Randomly can I just say that I love how RK’s dialog is all in italics? It concerned me at first because I thought it was going to keep pulling me out of the narrative, but instead it really just feels right. Also I’m looking forward to the moment when he says something and it’s not in italics because it’s REN and oh my lands please give this to me I beg you (post-13 Red here with a bit more mindless screaming)

· “watch your tongue with me, Atlas, because I’m the one person you can pass the sky to.” Okay okay okay—English studies brain coming out. This suggests that there is a burden RK and Doc can share: something Doc is currently struggling against that only RK can help him with. In the moment, I don’t know if this is really fair of RK to say—after all, Doc does technically have Renbob too, if we’re just talking about Doc’s unhealthy coping mechanisms. In fact, if that’s the context, then Renbob is a much better fellow-Atlas because he and Doc have known each other much longer and they’re both dealing with the loss of Ren. BUT, knowing about the upcoming conversation where Doc and RK both realize that they’ve lost someone (Ren for Doc, Martyn for RK) this line suddenly has a lot more weight. Again, I don’t think that in that moment RK quite has the right to pull this zinger. But in later context, it turns out to be true after all. They are the only two with this particular shared pain.

· Doc upset with himself because he can’t get over his “stupid hang-ups” DOC MY LAD. “I’ve lost my best friend, you’re in his body, and I don’t know how to process any of these emotions” is not a “stupid hang-up” PLEASE stop blaming yourself for everything!?

· “I’m so tired” in the middle of his nightmare—oh my gosh. That hurts so much for some reason.

· I also very much wish I had the ability to draw the image of Doc with tears on his face, staring dead-eyed down at his workbench while RK looms over from behind, pinning his wrists to the table with one metal arm and one frost-bitten one, a look of exasperation and concern on his face. Why can’t I draw the things

· “How do you know Etho” “I watched him die.” OW ow ow ow ow

· Doc takes this as calmly as only someone used to living in a world where death has low consequences can. Oh. Oh—that means… huh. Doc isn’t used to losing people permanently on any basis, especially not death. So no wonder he doesn’t know how to process Ren being gone (I can’t bear to write “dead” there). He literally doesn’t have context for it… and what context he DOES have is like—I mean, Etho and Bdubs came back. Ouch.

· “Twenty-five.” The Red King makes the number sound like a threat. Yet another banger line I missed the first time through. Imagine waking up and thinking you’re in 3rd Life again but instead of 14 players there’s almost twice that many and you think you don’t know any of them.

· I still don’t quite understand the “when was etho added/should have known there was something different” bit or why RK is so emotional about it… but I have trust that it’ll make sense at some point. (post-13 Red: ...is this something about the fact that he thinks he's dead...so he thinks Etho has died before? Like, that 3rd Life wasn't Etho's first hardcore? ...I feel like I'm almost grasping this but I'm missing an element somewhere.)

· And now a sword. RK. My man. You need to stop manifesting things—especially when they scare the ever-living daylights out of you.

· I absolutely adore the in-universe lore that Fire Aspect is a PvP enchantment because it threatens dropped loot, and yeah I very well might steal that. (Along with something I read at one point who-even-knows-where that Knockback is a coward’s enchantment, because I love that too.)

· He really shouldn’t. / Doc picks up the sword by the scabbard and hands it to him, hilt extended. Doc you already trust this guy so much and you don’t even know it—but is it just because you still subconsciously trust the face he wears? Or is it something deeper?

· Ugh, the “I was supposed to kill someone for him” conversation/scene is SO FREAKING GOOD

· “I don’t want it. Not like the crown.” Why, though? Why doesn’t he want it? Because it’s more to do with death than kingship? OH. Oh, I hadn’t even considered that. I’ve been thinking of RK as this like, god of blood and vengeance but maybe he’s not. Maybe he hates the bloodshed (“the blood! It’s drippin’ in me eyes… I’ve been blinded by the violence…”) just as much—more?—than Ren did/would have. Huh. That’s a new facet.

· Oh my heart the “have you ever lost someone and it was your fault” line. Dagger to the feels. Dagger to the feels.

· This like… “I’m on a roll and even though I know I should stop I really don’t want to” mode? Man. That’s relatable. Especially when you’re working to avoid dealing with something else.

· “Not making it for you—it’s for Ren” oh ouch ouch ouch the denial suddenly breaks through it’s okay, Doc I’m with you on this

· The second time reading through it’s far clearer that Doc has a blind panic attack here—when he starts rambling that Ren’s coming back, he’ll be there for season eight and RK goes to…do whatever he was going to do and Doc just blanks out. The manic productivity should have been a warning sign, the poor guy is crumbling.

· “Doctor” and “he’s not sure he deserves that title right now” UGH Doc needs a hug someone please hug him and tell him it’s all going to be okay. Someone please hug me and tell me it’s all going to be okay.

· “his hand on his throat” over the scar from the Red Winter axe? </3

· “I did do that. I have done that.” RK admitting to it actually having been him in Doc’s nightmares?

· Okay sorry the conversation about beating Dinnerbone will never not be funny to me

· RK mentions that people used to call him m’lord or Ren, and then mere minutes later you have “Ren. You couldn’t save him because of me, could you?” He knows exactly what’s going on here. Not maliciously, but he’s no dense-head, he’s put the pieces together. (post-13 Red: MOST of the pieces. Most of them.)

· Watching Doc slowly stop fighting his nightmares—like, the first time, he fights. The second time, he accepts it but still struggles. And this time… this time he gives up before it even starts. That hurts, man.

· Good grief the whole “get my head chopped off” / “you really don’t want that” bit. O.O I’m not sure what emotion I’m feeling but I’m Feeling An Emotion.

· “Snow’s new. Dream’s not.” </3

· …Doc’s not gonna be a fan of snowier-snow after this trip…

· "Dr. M77" Actually he’s Doc Monster, RK, but we’ll let it go. XD

· OKAY BUT THIS EXCHANGE? The “how are you feeling” / “better” / “you’re a bad liar” / “I said better not great” that’s such a good exchange and I don’t know why every other time I’ve ever seen it used they stop at the lying accusation? Doc with the snappy comebacks, man.

· Aaah, Doc and RK, two establishment bros bonding over a shared disdain for hippies.

· The bit about the fella who wore an iron helmet and called it a powdered wig—fear is in my heart. *shoves Scar into an obsidian box and blocks it closed*

· “Who was Ren to you?” </3

· Doc is more than willing to spread the flames, to sear his loss into RK’s bones. / The king’s face stops him. Ren’s face stops him. Holy CRAP is that a good set of lines. So much going on there, and ALL of it good.

· Again. I wish I could draw. I would draw RK sitting on the edge of the bed, gently hugging a collapsed-in-on-himself Doc. </3

· “And I hate the devil that forced us apart, that mixed my blood with his.” *adds another layer to Scar’s obsidian fort*

· OKAY STARTING CHAPTER THIRTEEN I made the mistake of logging into Tumblr earlier and saw people screaming so I’m sure I’m not ready for this but here we go

· Oh no RK has been hippie-ified

· “You started a paramilitary organization because you have hay fever?” *dies laughing*

· Ugh I need to go back and watch s6 I’ve only seen the tail end of Mumbo’s side of things and there’s so much I don’t know.

· HAHAHAHAH I do know the trident bit though—

· Wait he said Scar

· PANIC

· “Kingslayer. bloodthirsty. Time King. The coward. And the mastermind behind it all, the loyal soldier to the very end, the whole damn reason either of us are in this mess.”

· HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY—

· “Is this the afterlife I deserve? After everything, this is the hell I’m going to endure?” I AM SCREAMING

· Doc pinned to the wall with ice, struggling to breathe—I CAN’T WHAT IS HAPPENING

· ((You know I’d get through this a lot faster if I stopped pausing to write reactions—))

· “A break in the ice. A whisper of spring.” Symbolism. Symbolism.

· “Ren was dead when I found him again,” NO I REFUSE TO READ THIS

· “don’t use the hand I built you to hurt yourself” DOC. SIR. MY HEART.

· RK don't run, RK get back here—what are you—

·

·

· I

· JUST

· ACTUALLY

· SCREAMED

· AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

· *several long moments of just breathing*

·

·

·

· *rereads*

· Holy crap on a garbage cracker with an extra serving of what-the-heck sauce

· REN

· REN

· Okay lol okay hahaha calming down

· I literally threw myself back in my chair away from the computer reading that last paragraph. I don't usually... physically react to things I read. LOL. Heh. I’m. Ah. I’m not emotionally invested in this or anything.

· Holy crap.

· Okay. Okay. Okay.

· Um.

· Great chapter, guys. Awesome stuff. Really good. I’m absolutely okay right now and it’s all totally fine.

· …please enjoy your break and get lots of rest and I very much look forward to the return of this fic you have no idea.

· I need to go breathe for a little bit.

EDIT: no, you know what--I'm not going to be a nice polite fangirl over here and quietly hope y'all see this I'm straight up tagging you, @fluffy-papaya and @betweenlands. THANK YOU but also how dare.

[cxptain-carol]

𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧' | 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐨

➺ summary: of course it had to be the cool and aloof shoto who you fell for, out of all the boys in class a. for now, you’re content admiring him from afar—but one thing leads to another and now it’s time for you to confess.

➺ pairing: todoroki shōto x reader

➺ word count: 2.7k

➺ warnings: stress/overthinking, general insecurity is mentioned, one bad word (also i briefly mention your quirk & there’s a suggestive comment)

➺ genre: fluff, pining (?)

➺ gender-neutral and racially inclusive reader

➺ a/n: this is just cute cliché fluff that i hope can cheer ya up if needed :)  please enjoy as i abuse italics and ellipses...

You were surprised there weren’t rose petals floating in the air and angels singing, to top off just how ethereal Shoto looked in fourth period. Well, fourth period and every day.

Present Mic was talking but his ear-piercing voice might as well have been crickets with how distant you were from the classroom. You were in a Shoto kind of mood today, and just by reassuring yourself that you were a relatively hardworking student, you let school take a backseat to your uncontrollable heart.

It hadn’t even been that long since you finally admitted to yourself that you were most definitely crushing on Todoroki but that didn’t even matter, because it was becoming increasingly more difficult to keep your thoughts clear of him. 

Shoto wasn’t even really your type. He was a bit too quiet and came off a little detached but somehow that just added to your fascination with him. He scared you at first, but now you admired him for his cool nature and genuinely impressive skills. That was really where your problems lay.

Shoto was much too cool and remarkable to like someone like you.

You usually didn’t compare yourself to others (you had a pretty nice Quirk and were good at using it) but of course you couldn’t help but realize you paled in comparison to Todoroki Shoto and it made you unbelievably insecure.

But that didn’t stop you from finding him attractive.

Your right cheek was squished against the palm of your hand, propped up by your elbow on the desk. From your optimal desk placement, it was too easy to watch Shoto out of the corner of your eye, and even turn your head to stare at him when he looked down.

It was definitely creepy, but he was yet to catch you so it was fine.

Shoto brushed his half-red-half-white hair out of his eyes and copied something down, squinting a little bit as he bent over slightly to write. You wanted to squeal but bit your lip to keep it in—he just looked so cute and it was making your heart race.

In the back of your mind, you could hear and process that you were supposed to be paying attention to the directions for something but you couldn’t seem to tear your eyes away from Shoto’s serene expression even as he looked up at the board.

Stop it, look away! You were trying to urge yourself but it didn’t seem to work.

Sure enough, Shoto’s bi-colored eyes locked onto yours in a heartbeat and you flinched, jolting out of your comfortable rest and into an upright position pointed straight at the board, trying to ignore the heat that rushed to your face.

✾  ✾  ✾  ✾  ✾

You tapped your fingers on the smooth surface of a clean notebook page, biting the end of your pen as you looked out the window. Most of the Class 1-A students had retreated to their rooms, but you and a handful of others milled around the first floor.

Your legs were tucked under you in your spot on the couch, and you swayed your head slightly to the quiet music playing in your earbuds. There was only one assignment left for you to complete but you were absolutely exhausted already; it had been a long day and you were ready to go to bed. Maybe even think about Shoto before falling asleep.

“Y/N! I was about to go up—wanna come with me?”

You swiftly ripped out your earbuds to see Ochaco, who appeared pretty much out of nowhere, with a bright smile and pink cheeks like always. You smiled involuntarily at the sight of her and nodded, but quickly remembered you weren’t actually finished.

“Oh, um, maybe later? I still have one more thing to do,” you replied, pointing to the blank notebook page. 

Ochaco looked disappointed for a split-second but went back to her usual cute grin, leaning over the back of the couch towards you.

“It’s okay! You don’t mind if I sit with you, right?” 

“Go ahead,” you said quietly, pausing your music and setting the mess of cords aside while she sat down beside you. You gripped your blue pen tightly and started writing faster, but felt Ochaco staring. You finished up a sentence and finally turned to her. She was still smiling, but in a different way. You had a sinking feeling that you knew where this was going.

“Are you gonna ask about Shoto?” You questioned her timidly, already beginning to sweat in anticipation of the upcoming conversation.

She looked into her lap shyly, her smile slightly fading.

“Well, I just noticed you looking at him today and I wanted to talk to you about it. Of course, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to!” Ochaco’s brown eyes sparkled under the lamps as she looked at you, hopefully.

“It’s fine,” you said, cheeks warm and homework forgotten. “If you really want to know, I like him.”

Not even a moment after the words left your lips, there were hurried footsteps approaching the two of you and a bright pink ball of joy was sitting on the next couch over.

“Really?! Y/N, I think he likes you, too!” Mina contained her excitement to the best of her ability.

You shook your head, barely bothered by the fact that another person knew your secret and more concerned with Mina’s unforeseen confession.

“No way! If he likes anyone, it’s probably not me,” you said, looking over at the table Shoto had been sitting at before going up to his room almost an hour ago.

“I’m telling you! I was watching him this past week and he was looking at you, like, a lot. Oh my gosh, you guys would look so cute together! I almost forgot to tell you that, by the way, thankfully I was eavesdropping,” Mina said. She and Ochaco were both smiling as they stared at you, looking convinced that there was no reason to question the validity of this new “information.”

“But there’s no… no way! I don’t really care if he doesn’t like me back, anyway,” you played around with your fingers, uselessly trying to brush off the false hope that Mina’s words had secretly given you.

“Y/N?”

You looked up at Ochaco, who wore a soft expression on her face.

“I think you should tell him how you feel, after class tomorrow. I trust Mina and after thinking about it, it looks like she could be right! I know you don’t believe us but it couldn’t hurt to go after him, right? I’ll even tell him for you, if you want.”

You had been so sure that Shoto barely noticed you that there was a large possibility that you missed some hints. Of course, the other side of you was completely unmovable. But Mina looked so happy, and Ochaco was so excited too… 

“I mean, I’ll think about it,” you said. You couldn’t help but smile as the two girls’ faces lit up.

Mina laughed a bit as she squealed excitedly. “Can I watch the whole thing? I’ll hide behind a wall or something!”

Your face felt hot again as your mind lingered on what you actually got roped into. Confessing to Shoto… alone… with no true confirmation that he even reciprocated your feelings. 

The idea of doing such a thing was so unlike you that you wanted to cry out of fear. There was a lot that could go wrong.

“Y/N, you’re gonna be fine. There’s no doubt in my mind,” Ochaco added, sensing your unease.

You nodded, half-terrified and half-excited as you started stacking your books in your arms to go upstairs. Mina hugged you, still giddy over your answer but you could only feel anxious. You hadn’t even considered confessing to Shoto and now you practically didn’t have a choice?

It seemed like you wouldn’t be sleeping a wink that night.

✾  ✾  ✾  ✾  ✾

Red and white.

Your brain was so preoccupied with imagining all the different ways Shoto could react that those two colors were practically etched on the inside of your eyelids.

Of course, the happy-ending scenarios were your favorite to imagine. You don’t stumble over your words or start sweating profusely, and Shoto says he’s been in love with you since the day you first met.

It’s a little too good to be true.

You recognized that and as a result, filled your head with the possibility of rejection and humiliation at the hands of Todoroki. Each time the clock ticks, you prepare yourself for it. You might have been optimistic in most situations, but your love life was really just uncharted territory and you couldn’t afford to think like that.

The sudden scraping of chairs against the floor and chorus of loud voices alerted you that the last class of the day had finished. 

And for someone who had just spent hours panicking, you felt oddly ready.

“Psst,” a small voice whispered and you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around to see Mina and Ochaco’s smiles of encouragement. You nervously sent one back before standing up from your seat.

“Go, go, go! We’ll take your stuff with us!”

You picked up your pace towards the back of the classroom as Mina’s fingers poked you in the back.

You can do it, you told yourself, slowly easing your nerves. A small smile formed on your lips but it went away almost instantly when you looked at Shoto and your insecurities began to surface.

Shit, he was just too good-looking.

You took a deep breath and walked the last few spaces until you were right beside Shoto’s desk.

Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t-

“Hi.”

Your fingers instinctively reached for the back of your neck and you scratched awkwardly, much too shy to look Shoto in the eyes.

“Hi! I was, um, wondering if you could step outside with me for a second? I… I want to tell you something,” you said. See, that wasn’t so bad.

“Oh, sure.”

Why doesn’t he emote?! Maybe he doesn’t care about me at all… 

Shoto stood up from his seat, leaving his supplies behind. He was obviously taller standing up but that didn’t make him any less intimidating. It didn’t help that his resting face was handsome, too. You tried to keep your cool but it all felt so different—you went from fantasizing day after day about him to this.

Once you two found a quiet spot further down the hall, you took another deep breath and looked up at Shoto. 

He was looking back at you, but not in a way that scared you; in fact, there was something in his gaze that made heat rush to your cheeks and brought your hand back up behind your neck again.

“Um, I know we don’t talk that much but I think you’re really cool,” you began, taking another look at Shoto to see that he had tilted his head to the side, eyeing you as if you were a curious little thing that he simply didn’t understand.

“And… and even if you might not feel the same, I-”

A flash of pink moved somewhere in your field of view.

You looked for it momentarily, causing Shoto to look away from you and in the direction of your line of sight. You tapped his arm lightly, giggling a bit as he looked back down at you, slightly puzzled.

“It’s nothing, sorry,” you said, feeling a little less nervous.

“But I was saying that I think you’re really cool a-and I might have been staring at you a lot for the past few weeks because you’re cute and-” Your eyes widened at the words leaving your mouth and you sneaked a look at Shoto, who seemed equally shocked.

“I mean, y-you are cute but that’s not why- wait, sorry… geez. I, um, like you. As more than a friend.”

Damn, you must have done something pretty remarkable in one of your lifetimes to be able to experience the beauty of Todoroki Shoto.

You bit your lip nervously as you awaited a response, but Shoto’s reaction was somehow much better than anything he could have said.

His relaxed stance tensed up in surprise at your words. You could see his hands shift around inside his pockets and you heard him intake air so cutely it cut through the wall of fear that was built around you since you first approached him. But his face was what made your heart flutter with joy. Even if it was just a light blush, you made his cheeks turn pink.

A hopeful smile stretched across your face as you admired him, waiting patiently as he thought out what to say (and you wished frantically that it turned out in your favor).

“Y/N,” you hopped cheerily at the way he said your name, “I… I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“I made sure you didn’t notice but I was also watching you. I… think that I like you, too.” Shoto ended his little confession, still pink-cheeked but looking satisfied with himself.

“Really? I mean, wow! I-I can’t believe- but, what do we do now?” You weren’t really looking for an answer; you wanted to jump for joy, maybe even scream. It was like lifting your hood to see the sunlight after weeks of having it drawn shut. You couldn’t tell whether you wanted to kiss Shoto (considering the context of the situation) or just hug him out of blissful relief.

“Well, would you like to go out with me sometime?” Shoto offered, looking down at you, amused at your delight with a hint of adoration in his eyes.

“Yes, of course!” You were done with this awkward conversation: all you wanted to do was feel Shoto’s arms around you. But you knew him well enough to understand he wouldn’t hug you right then.

Shoto wore a small grin as he watched you and after a moment’s contemplation, you beckoned him a bit closer. He obliged, bending slightly.

High off of the rush of the moment, you leaned in and pressed a little kiss to his cheek, right below his scar.

Shoto pulled back slowly, looking thoroughly shocked. You bit your lip again, hoping you hadn’t gone too far.

“W-Wow, thanks,” he managed to say, his face a few shades redder than before. He couldn’t make eye contact with you, instead choosing to stare out the window shyly.

“No problem, I’ve wanted to do that for a while now,” you replied, the smile returning to your face. “I guess I’d better get going then.”

You straightened out your blazer and took a step out of the little corner you had been occupying. With a look over your shoulder, your heart fluttered again at the sight of him, flustered and frozen.

“Well, bye Shoto.” You waved at him—he waved back, the rosy blush still prominent on his beautiful face—and turned back around, with a slight bounce in your step.

“Wait, Y/N!” 

You spun around eagerly.

“Would you like to walk with me?”

✾  ✾  ✾  ✾  ✾

“I’ll just say it: I knew you could do it, Y/N!” Ochaco was grinning from ear to ear again as the three of you lounged around in Mina’s room, still in your uniforms because you were far too excited to talk about the afternoon’s events.

“And I’ll just say it: I wasn’t watching Todoroki at all before!” Mina chimed in but the smile fell off your face in an instant.

“So I just went into that with nothing even kind of ensuring that he liked me back? Oh my god, that could have gone so wrong,” you sighed in relief, your head in your hands as you looked down at the floor.

“Well, I was just trying to give you a little confidence. I think this just proves that you can pull any guy you want, Y/N.” Mina smirked.

Heat rushed to your face. “I don’t think I’d go as far as to say that.”

Mina ignored you, opting to lean back in her chair and eye you curiously. “Okay, now we have to start talking about the future for you two—this is just the beginning. When do you think you’ll take your relationship to the next level?”

“What?! I-I didn’t realize we’d have to-”

“Y/N! Get your mind out of the gutter! She did not mean it like that!”

[fantasticfangirl21]

How Much He Means to Me

Word count: 7150

Ships: Moxiety (Patton x Virgil) Side Logince and Karrot Kings

Trigger warnings: Sick characters, coughing, self doubt, anxiety, language

Characters: Patton Virgil Roman Logan Remus Janus Thomas Nico Joan

How much he means to me

Pattons fingers tap restlessly against his back pack straps while walking through the hall to his last class of the day. His friends Logan and Roman flank his sides, left and right respectively. They are talking about something for their English class, Romeo and Juliet possibly, Patton remembers they are reading act three in class today. He zones out again thinking about a certain missing person. It's not like he's friends with the kid or anything… well not really, but Patton has been watching him from a distance for quite some time now. Not because he's cute or anything… pfft... he just seems anxious sometimes during class and such and Patton was always a bit worried about the dark strange teen in the back of class. He always had his headphones over his ears, blocking out anything and everything in class, yet still managing to turn in all work on time or ahead of it, and keep all As and Bs. Something Patton couldn't do without his friend Logan's constant assistance. Patton often found himself distracted in class.

“-tton? Patton…?” Patton blinked from his thoughts finding both Roman and Logan looking at him curiously, they were near the classroom door now.

“Huh? Oh sorry! What was that?” Patton asks, refocusing as they enter the classroom.

“I asked if you were okay?” Roman says, his tone pitching up at the end somehow making it sound like a question rather than a statement.

“Your expression was rather distracted.” Logan adds.

“Oh, yes I'm okay!”

“Is it about Virgil being absent?” Logan asks inquisitively as they take their seats in class as    Zr. S (Joan) sets up the room for today's English lesson. Patton's face coloured at that and he looked at Logan surprised.

“What?!”

“Pat it's pretty obvious you've been crushing on a Jack Smellington for a while now.”

“Yes, your eyes dilate each time he so much as walks into the room. Speaking of which, he's not in the room, so am I right to assume you're worried about him?” Logan asks, his grey eyes sparkling intelligently under his glasses. Patton's face shifts from soft pink to burning red and he adjusts his circular glasses frames nervously.

“Lighten up, teach he's going to pass out from all that blushing.” Roman says with a knowing smirk sliding up to sit on Logan's desk. The two have been a known couple for quite some time, Logan used to get aggravated about such actions from Roman. Though now he barely glances at Roman on his desk anymore.

“I- What no I- I just, Um- I mean…” Patton is quiet for a moment, his blush only worsening by Romans attentiveness.

“Ahhh young love~” Roman swoons dramatically off the desk and into Logan, who catches him, having expected the overdramatic boy to do so. Logan, now with Roman seated on his lap smiles slightly before addressing Patton.

“You could bring him the work he misses today after school, I'm sure he would be most appreciative and you would be able to check on him without arousing suspicion.” Logan offers. Roman throws an arm around Logan and lays his head on his shoulder.

“It would be really cute if you gave him his stuff and brought him cookies, you made cookies today in baking class earlier right?”

“Well yeah but we've never really talked before… wouldn't it be weird If I just showed up at his house with English work and cookies???”

“Not if you say you made too many-” Roman starts, only to be cut off by Logan who just got an idea.

“You can say that Zr. S asked you to bring him the work from today.” Logan interrupts, Roman pouts at being interrupted and Logan moves a hand through Romans hair to compensate. Roman smiles again, leaning into the touch for a moment before speaking.

“Besides I'm sure Mr. Sanders will tell us where he lives if we say that we want to check on Virgil, he was probably going to check on him himself knowing how worried he gets about his students.”

“Oh yeah, I'm sure he has homework in science too… You should gather work from all of his teachers actually, we could go with you.”

Zr. S clears their throat as the bell rings, glancing at Roman and Logan, thankfully not only are they a lax teacher but they also couldn't care less about their students being openly gay. They begin the introduction to Act 3 and pass out the guided notes before calling a few students to the front to read for today's characters in scenes one and two.

“Janus is Petruccio, Remus is Tybalt, Patton is Benvolio, Virgil is Mercutio and Roman you can be Romeo again, Logan I need you to be Juliet later in the second scene if you don't mind.” Roman gets up quickly, taking the plastic sword and facing it at his brother, Remus, who has his sword already as well, Logan stays seated smirking and Patton raises his hand tentatively as he stands. “Yes Patton?”

“Um, Zr. S Virgil isn't here today.” He says, glancing at Virgil's seat while making his way to the front. Joan follows Patton's gaze to find their perfect attendance student in fact missing, they frown slightly.

“That's odd…” They say, “He's never been absent before… hmm.” They think for a moment, “Val you can be Mercutio then, I will print out filled in notes for Virgil and hold it for when he returns.”

“I can take it!” Patton says quickly, Zr. S turns to him, eyebrow raised and Patton pinkens slightly.

Joan smiles, they would have been blind not to notice the looks Patton constantly sneaks at Virgil during class. Though this sudden confidence was a bit unexpected, Zr. S gathers the papers from the printer and hands them to Patton. “Perfect, would you like me to inform the other teachers that you will be bringing his assignments to him?”

“Yes! I can pick them up after class and take them over to his house if that's okay with you.”

“Certainly, I'll let you leave early with Roman and Logan to do so.” They say as Patton smiles before moving back to his seat to place the papers in his bag. “We need a Benvolio still so come back up here Patton.”

Patton does as he's asked and returns to the front, taking a sword and a Romeo and Juliet book to use for the reading. The rest of class runs rather quickly, Roman being over dramatic, Val gets killed by Remus, flanked by Janus, after which Roman avenges by “killing” him. Roman gets banished and Logan runs through his elegant soliloquy, the way he reads it almost causing Roman, in his seat, to actually swoon. Though Logan is a bit stiff at times he is quite a nerd for Shakespeare, and would rather read the part with emotion like it was intended, than without. Nearing the end of class Zr. S calls Patton, Roman and Logan to the front and sends them off with a hall pass as they said they would. They stop by all of Virgil’s classes, Logan for some reason knowing his schedule though they only share English and Science with him.

They end up at Science last, walking into Mr. Sanders classroom, mostly empty seeing that the bell had rung a few minutes ago. Patton knocks on the doorframe since it's already open and they walk in to find Mr. Flores (Nico), the Music teacher, chatting with Mr. Sanders, and sitting on his desk in the same fashion Roman was to Logan’s desk earlier. Mr. Flores smiles at the kids and kicks Thomas’ knee lightly to get him to look up from the song the two had been working on.

“Hey boys! What brings you here this morning?” Thomas asks, looking at the boys entering the room.

“Afternoon.” Mr. Flores and Logan correct in unison.

“Ah- my bad, time is hard to keep track of. What brings you here this afternoon.” He says with a chuckle. Roman nudges Patton with his elbow and Patton steps forward slightly with a shy smile.

“I came to pick up Virgil's work for today-”

“Oh right! Joan emailed me about that a bit ago.” Thomas gets up and moves to the printer, gathering the papers he had printed for them. He turns back around and hands them to Patton. “There ya go Pat, I also included directions to his house that I was going to use to check on him later. I wasn't sure if you knew how to get there or not.” Logan gives Patton a raised eyebrow look that says ‘Told you’ and Patton shoots back a smile before turning it on Mr. Sanders.

“Thanks Mr. Sanders! I wasn't expecting the directions but they will help… I've never been to his house before.” Patton responds with a shy smile. Logan and Roman exchange a look over Pattons head, both smiling.

Thomas nods with a bright expression, “Anything to help out my students, just make sure he's doing okay and text me after you check in on him alright Pat? You still have my number from the bake sale earlier this year right?” Patton nods quickly, remembering how Mr. Sanders was one of the main teachers in charge of the event along with Patton's baking teacher Mr. Williams (Terrence). Pattons gaze rises to the wall clock over Mr. Flores’ head, seeing it's been around twenty minutes since school let out he glances at the door in silent question. Thomas smiles at him with a laugh. “You don't need my permission to leave the room afterschool like you do during the day Patton, you three can go. I only have that rule so that Remus doesn't sneak out before the end of class like he loves to do.” The trio laugh and Thomas, along with Nico, chuckle. Both have Remus in their classes this year.

It's not long before the three boys are back in the halls and Nico is back chatting alone with Thomas about their days. Roman and Logan walk side by side on the right side of Patton, this time roman gushing about how cute Mr. Sanders and Mr. Flores are as a couple. They have been married for around three years now, having gotten married in the boys first year in high school. Even now, in their Senior year, Roman couldn't get over the pictures that he had begged for, of their wedding. Logan just listened to his boyfriends gush per usual, Roman often just liked someone to listen to him, Logan enjoyed being the one to do so, even if sometimes he pretended he didn't. The nerd and prince headed for Logan's car and said quick goodbyes to Patton, who was eager to check on Virgil.

Within a few moments Patton has discarded his backpack along with Virgil's assignments in the passenger seat and is already on the road, directions in hand. He follows them perfectly and drives a little too fast to Virgil's house. Once he pulls his baby blue Kia Rio into the driveway behind a purple jeep, he begins to get a bit nervous, but pushes past it. He's just going to give him the homework and the cookies and ask why he wasn't at school because Mr. Sanders was worried. Yeah… that's reasonable right? Not weird or creepy or anything. Patton tries to convince himself of this as he walks to the door, Virgil's work on top of the tupperware he grabbed from his backpack.

Working up the courage to knock he taps on the door da da duh-duh da da, his typical musical knock from Frozen. He hums ‘Do You Want to Build a Snowman’ for a moment but after a bit he tries again. He doesn't hum this time and instead shifts on his feet worriedly. He stares at the doorknob for a moment before testing it tentatively. It turns easily and the door gives, opening into an entryway. Patton pales slightly at the unlocked door. Due to Virgil's high anxiety that Logan had assumed he had there's no way having this door unlocked would be a normal occurrence. Patton moves forward a bit, not yet in the house and looks around.

“Virgil?” He calls waiting a moment for a panicked response or maybe a startled one. Only silence is reflected back at him. He takes a step inside, his worry overcoming his anxiousness. “Virgil…?” He calls again, closing the door behind him and walking carefully down the hall. There were no cars in the driveway save for Virgil's purple Jeep, and there for some reason is no garage. Then again the driveway is a bit longer than standard, Patton realizes Virgil must be home alone today. “Virgil? It's Patton, I came to drop off the schoolwork that you missed-”

A door opens to Patton's left on the hallway and he jumps, startled by the sudden sound. He swivels to face it and immediately chokes on whatever he was about to say. Standing in the doorway, leaning heavily on it, was Virgil. His eyes were unfocused and tired, staring through Patton rather than at him. He was covered in a sheen of sweat, and Patton quickly noticed he had no shirt on and lowered his eyes blushing fiercely.

“Oh great,” Virgil rasps “Another Patton hallucination,” He twirls a finger in the air “Not doing to confuse me this time dumbass brain, I'm going to get water and go back to sleep-” Virgil cut off, coughing roughly into his elbow, his entire body racking with the coughs. Once finished he inhales painfully and winces before moving from the doorway and stumbling to the kitchen using the wall for support, leaving a flustered Patton in his wake.

Patton, now leaning against the wall, watches Virgil leave and has half a mind to help him, but the other half has malfunctioned. Pattons head catches up with him slowly and his blush subsides, Virgil now in the kitchen down the hall where Patton can't see him. Pattons breathing slows as well as he carefully works through what just happened. Sick Virgil is home alone and thinks Patton is a hallucination. Again. Again? He said another Patton hallucination right…? That means he's… had one before- Focus. Virgil's sick. I can help.

Without another thought Patton refocuses on helping Virgil, he walks into the kitchen and finds the teen leaning dizzily on the counter with a glass of water in hand. Patton sets down the cookies and papers on the counter beside him and moves over to Virgil. Ignoring the fact that he still doesn't have a shirt on. Ignoring the way his lean muscles are visible and highlighted by the shimmer of sweat from his sickened state. Ignoring the way his chocolate eyes dully gleam with the sunlight shining through the window- IGNORING.

Patton places a hand on Virgil's head and retracts it quickly. “Virgil you're burning up!” He exclaims, “Finish drinking that water I'll be right back.” Patton hurries off, Virgil does as the hallucination told him, downing the water and waiting patiently for it to come back. Another coughing fit seizes him and when Patton does return Virgil is on the ground leaned against the cabinets. Patton comes rushing back in with a wet washcloth, having found a dry one under the sink in the downstairs bathroom. He finds Virgil on the floor swaying unsteadily and moves over to him quickly putting an arm under his shoulders and helping him up. “Virgil I'm going to help you back to your room okay just walk with me okay?” Patton moves forward and an unsteady Virgil follows, using Patton for support, still caught in a sick haze.

It's not long before they are back in the bedroom, Patton gets Virgil onto the bed and tucked into a thin sheet so that way he's not too hot. Virgil smiles softly at Patton the whole time, still thinking the encounter is a nice dream. Patton finishes fussing around Virgil's room and getting the water on his bedside table refilled and situated. Patton sits on the edge of the bed and runs a hand through Virgil's slick purple bangs, stuck to his face, moving them out of the way of his eyes gently. Virgil's lopsided smile continues and Patton chuckles at the puppylike look that he's never seen on Virgil before.

“What's that look for?” he asks, stifling a giggle.

“I just wish you would notice me like this in real life too…” He says softly, a smile still present as he looks up at Patton. Patton blinks surprised and blush rises to his face at the comment. He looks away nervously. His mind races for something to respond with, but before he can he hears soft slow breathing from the bed and turns to find Virgil fast asleep. Patton exhales and smiles slightly sadly at the asleep teen. He runs a hand through Virgil's hair again with a sigh.

“I should have approached you sooner… and said something other than just saying hi to you in the mornings…” Patton murmured to Virgil's sleeping form. Patton gets up off the bed and heads back to the kitchen, gathering all the materials to make soup for when Virgil wakes back up again. Patton works quietly in the kitchen, not wanting to wake Virgil up, he knows that it's not likely Virgil ate lunch in that state, let alone breakfast. He didn't seem to be the type to eat breakfast.

Patton finishes the soup and leaves it to cool, going back to check on Virgil and finding him upside down about to fall off the bed, snoring softly. Patton giggles and moves him back onto the bed, a hand takes Patton's wrist as he's about to get up and next thing he knows he's in the bed beside Virgil's sleeping form. Virgil has both arms wrapped around Patton's abdomen, Pattons back against Virgil's bare chest. Patton's face flushes and he stifles a squeak. He's tense and blushing deeply for a moment but after a bit he leans into Virgil's warm embrace, sighing softly his eyes flutter for a moment as he tries to stay awake. The long day of worrying at school plus the calming breathing from Virgil with him so close nearly pulled him under. That is until his phone dings from his back pocket. Pattons eyes open again and he realizes it's going to be a bit difficult to get to his phone. Patton carefully maneuvers his hand behind him, under Virgil's arm and to his back pocket, carefully pulling it out so that it doesn't wake virgil. His arm brushes against Virgil's six pack and he blushes scarlet, grabbing his phone and holding it to his chest, waiting a moment to see if he woke Virgil. The steady breathing continues and after a moment he risks a glance at his phone. 7:36. It's been nearly two hours since he got here. His gaze trails down and finds the reason for the dinging, another sound rings from his phone and he stifles it with his hand before turning it on silent. After doing so he opens the group chat message.

Logan: Hey Pat haven't heard from you in a bit, you doing okay?

Roman: Hes fine Lo, I'm sure he's just making out with the emo, give them some space

Patton manages to blush deeper as he reads the messages.

Patton: no, we're doing no such thing! but um, i need some help…

Logan: What's wrong?

Roman: Did he hurt you??????

Logan: Were on our way.

Patton: no! no i'm fine it's okay! i um, don't come here, it's just…

Roman: Just…???

Patton: um… so… how do you get out of the arms of someone who's asleep without waking them…?

Roman: WHATTTTTTTTT!?!?!? Patton, skipped a couple steps there dontcha think? [wink wink]

Patton: NO THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN!!

Roman: Dang Padre you work fast~

Patton: roman that's not what i mean quit!

Logan: Am I right to assume that he's sick and you accidentally got mistaken for a hallucination?

Roman: What's with that off the wall guess babe??

Logan: I had assumed he was sick earlier today and given Patton's predicament it would make sense.

Patton: um actually logan that's exactly what happened

Roman: Wow, I stand corrected

Logan: Wouldn't be the first time

Patton: right so how do i get out?

Logan: If he's asleep and sick you theoretically should be able to move without waking him. What are his symptoms if you don't mind me asking?

Patton: um, fever, dizziness i think, cough- like a really bad cough, and he's tired… oh and hallucinating i think, or at least maybe he was earlier, i'm not sure. He said something about “another patton hallucination”

Roman: Sounds like he dreams of you often~

Logan: It sounds like a bad cold, check the house for ibuprofen, it should help with the fever, the dizziness and hallucinations may be side effects of the fever and the cough is the cold. A cold wash cloth also could be beneficial. Have you removed yourself from his bed yet?

Patton shifts slightly, no he hasn't moved from Virgil's arms... He doesn't particularly want to though he probably should. Virgil needs to eat something and the soup is definitely cold by now. It should still taste fine heated up, with a quiet sigh Patton moves to slip out of his arms, Virgil shifts and his arms clutch the pillow in Patton's absence. Virgil frowns softly in his sleep and Patton pouts slightly knowing he caused that. Patton places a cool hand on Virgil's head, his head isn't warm like it was earlier, his fever must have broken. With that new information Patton smiles and turns and heads back into the kitchen.

Patton: yeppers, i got a washcloth earlier, i checked just now and i think his temperature broke, i'm going to reheat the soup i made now and see if i can get him to eat something, i doubt he's eaten anything all day seeing as he's home alone…

Roman: A tragic sick prince trapped alone in his tower! In dire need of true loves kiss from Prince Patton to wake him from his sleep~

Logan: Ignore Roman, that's good, since it broke make sure he drinks lots of water, he's going to need the fluids in his system after being sick like that. Also his parents are on a business trip so your assumption about his eating habits are most likely accurate.

Roman: How do you know his parents are on a trip???

Logan: It's all over their facebook page, apparently they leave on trips often and are rarely home

Patton: that's kindve sad… i'm bringing him soup i'll be back later

Patton takes the soup and places it back on the stove to heat back up. Finding some bowls after some searching through the cabinets he takes them and pours the soup into two of them before bringing the bowls back to Virgil's room. He finds Virgil awake in the bed looking actually awake now that his fever has broken, some of his color has returned to his skin and he's stopped sweating. He's sitting up in the bed, eyes on his phone when Patton walks in.

“Oh you're awake!” Patton exclaims with a smile.

“Patton!?!” Virgil nearly jumps out of his skin before dissolving into a rather violent coughing fit at the sudden usage of his voice.

Patton quickly sets the soups down on the nightstand and hands Virgil the water along with some cough medication he found and placed on the nightstand a while ago. “Sorry! I didn't mean to startle you…” He says as Virgil eyes him with confusion and a bit of anxiety, downing the water quickly along with some of the cough medicine. After a moment he tests his voice tentatively again.

“What are you doing here in my house- how did you- why-?” Virgil's breathing quickens and he starts coughing again, this time blushing furiously as well. Patton moves closer sitting on the bed like he was earlier, Virgil stops coughing and watches Patton anxiously.

“Zr. S and Mr. Sanders were worried about you, well mostly Mr. Sanders… he was actually planning on coming to check you out himself and stuff um but I offered to bring you your work and so, well I did and yeah so I knocked but you didn't answer or anything so well your door was unlocked and I- I wanted to make sure you were okay...” Patton rambles blushing as well. “I um- well I can leave if you are feeling better now, s-sorry kiddo!” Patton gets up quickly from the bed and turns to leave, a hand wraps quickly around Patton's wrist and he stops, turning slowly.

Virgil's hand encircles Patton's wrist carefully, as if scared if he squeezed too tight Patton would run. Virgil's eyes were trained on his hand around Pattons, a faint blush coating his features that Patton couldn’t tell if it was him being sick or him blushing because of Patton. Both were quiet for a moment. Virgil lets go of Patton's hand suddenly and speaks.

“I um- well you don’t have to leave, you just startled me…” he says quietly and leans against the back of the bed again. “Sorry.” Virgil says, glancing up to Pattons eyes for a moment before quickly falling to his phone again. The screen is black Patton notices.

“Oh.” Is all Patton can say, stepping to the side and taking the soup off the nightstand after a second. “I made soup for you.” Patton chitters excitedly handing the bowl to Virgil. Virgil's lips quirk slightly up into a small smile taking the bowl from Patton's hands.

“Thanks…” he says quietly, taking the spoon as well. Patton takes the other bowl and sits on the edge of the bed beside Virgil. Virgil dips the spoon into the soup and eats a scoop of it, mostly to please Patton who was watching him.

“Mmmm~” Virgil hums involuntarily, he snaps a hand over his mouth and blushes embarrassed. There is silence for a second before Patton giggles quietly, it quickly turns to a happy laugh and Virgil, even though embarrassed, catches the contagious laugh. Both can’t stop for a bit of time but once Virgil's laughs dissolve into coughs Patton stops and helps by getting water and giving it to him. Virgil drinks the water thankfully and Patton sits on the edge of the bed watching him to make sure he’s okay. Virgil places the water cup on the nightstand and looks up, locking eyes with Patton once more finding his eyes soft and concerned… caring. Virgil chokes on the water he was swallowing and ends up coughing again, unused to the sincerity in Patton's eyes. Or in anyone’s eyes directed at him. “S-sorry” he says coming out of the second coughing fit.

“It's okay, don't apologize for being sick! I just wish you would have told me- er someone sooner…” Patton leans down and pushes Virgil's bangs out of his eyes that had fallen back after the coughing fit. His fingers delicately brush the bangs back, his caring careful touch causing Virgil to shiver, the gentleness a forgiven feeling to him. His parents are typically gone and no students have made any effort to get to know him other than Janus and Remus, they don’t exactly do gentle things. The closest thing Virgil has gotten from them is a punch in the shoulder from Remus or a pat on the head from Janus when they're feeling generous.

Virgil leans into the touch, eyes fluttering closed for a second before he quickly snaps his head away from Patton's hand and turns his head back to the soup. Patton watches him carefully with a slight frown drawing back to where he was sitting before, taking his bowl quietly back in his lap. They eat quietly now, with each second of silence unsaid emotions continue to brew between the two. The silence presses on Virgil uncomfortably making him feel more socially anxious than usual.

“So, uh, random question, how did you get to my house?” Virgil askes tentatively, spooning soup into his mouth after asking the question. Patton perks up and looks at Virgil with a shy smile.

“Mr. Sanders printed me directions… I hope that's not weird or anything.” He says slowly, finishing his soup and fiddling with the spoon idly. Virgil just smirks slightly at his nervous behaviour.

“Nah, not weird for a teacher to print directions to a students house so that a student can come to check on another when they've missed school for a single day.” Virgil teases, patton blushers slightly.

“Yeah sorry, though it's a bit weird for you though, you have never missed a single day this year, I haven't even seen you enter class late or anything once.” Pat remarks, thinking back on past experiences through the year. Virgil raises one eyebrow and his lips quirk into a smirk.

“Have you been spying on me or something Patton?” he questions playfully, spooning the last bits of soup into his mouth. Patton stands and takes his bowl.

“Course not, Mr. Sanders said that's why he was so concerned.” He covers quickly, turning with the bowls to hide the blush he got from the question. He scampers quicker than needed into the kitchen and cleans it, all of his soup materials and the bowls clearing his head with it.

Meanwhile Virgil is left to his thoughts, tucked delicately into the sheets Patton had prepared for him before. All Virgil can think of are those eyes. The soft bright blue eyes, gazing at him with care and concern that he didn't deserve. Or at least no one seemed to think he did. No one but Patton. The cute kid in his english class. The peppy boy who constantly made Virgil smile, even on the worst of days, his cheery disposition lighting up any room he entered. That smile that couldn't be dulled by the darkest sunglasses. The freckles that seemed to light up like stars dusted across his cheeks when he was excited or happy about something. The way he loved to gush over animals, cats and dogs mostly. How he loved to talk about and share his baking with others constantly. The contagious laugh that spreads like wildfire across the room when he's content. The boy who is now in his house. In his kitchen. Oh fu<k hes in the house.

A bit of anxiety begins to creep into Virgil at the realization that his practically lifelong crush was in his house. While he was sick- he probably looked horrible! Virgil gets up from the bed quickly, his balance slightly unsteady as he moves to the bedpost, grabbing his patched purple and black hoodie off of it. He pulls it on before heading to the bathroom and applying his usual black makeup he uses to cover the constant dark spots under his eyes from his insomnia and late nighters for school.

After fixing himself and making sure his sweat pants were also presentable he makes his way into the kitchen. Patton is at the sink with his back turned to Virgil. A scenario runs through Virgil's head, in it he walks quietly to Patton and hugs Patton from behind while he washes dishes. Patton turns and with a gentle smile brings a hand to Virgil's face before kissing his cheek- Virgil snaps from his thoughts, blushing dark now, Patton seems to sense his presence and turns his head to look at him. Those sky blue eyes pierce Virgil and his heart skips a beat, Pattons gaze turns concerned, given how red Virgil is he assumes something is wrong. Before Patton can do or say anything though Virgil breaks eye contact and pivots on his heel to head for the living room, breaking off into a fit of coughs. Patton finishes and dries his hands, bringing water to Virgil for what must have been the hundredth time, though Patton didn't mind. In fact he rather liked helping Virgil- er people, not just Virgil, people in general. Patton hands the water to Virgil who drinks it quickly, mumbles a thank you and proceeds to scroll through Disney Plus. After some indecisive scrolling he settles on The Nightmare Before Christmas, it takes a moment for him to realize Patton is still standing beside the couch, his eyes on the tv in a curious way.

“I was just going to um watch a movie, it's getting a bit late Pat… you can like head home, I don't want to make you stay here or anything… Not that I am- well maybe I mean I guess I haven't said anything about you leaving yet, sorry am I making you feel trapped here… um and your parents I-”

“No.”

“...No what…?”

“You're not making me stay or feel trapped or uncomfortable, and both my parents work shifts at the hospital at this time, they won't be home till early morning...” Patton slides onto the couch beside Virgil, leaving a comfortable but close amount of space between them. Virgils quiet, unsure what to say so Patton speaks again, “I've never seen this movie you know.”

“What?? Really? It's my favorite, I had figured Prince Disney would have forced you and the nerd to watch all the movies by now.” Virgil remarks, ignoring how close together they are on the couch and staring straight through the screen, rather than at it.

“Prince Disney… oh are you talking about Roman?” Pattons airy laugh fills the room and Virgil feels heat rise to his neck just hearing it. “Well he does like to watch disney movies but I haven't gotten around to every movie he's wanted me to watch yet.” Patton chuckles and Virgil starts to hum to ‘This Is Halloween’ absentmindedly thinking.

“So you're usually busy then?” Virgil inquires hesitantly after a moment. Patton sinks into the seat some at the question.

“Uhh yeah… usually I'm doing work for classes or baking… It typically takes me a while to do homework, I don't focus very well and it's difficult to understand some topics. Logan helps me sometimes, but a lot of times I don't want to bother him… he's usually with Roman or doing his own work...” Patton replies slowly, a bit embarrassed from admitting that fact.

“I could help.” Virgil says before his mind catches up with his words, Patton turns his eyes from the screen and looks at Virgil with a hopeful expression, his eyes shining.

“Really??” He asks in response, Virgil breaks eye contact with Patton fiddling with one of the rings on his fingers.

“I mean- well yeah… I don't really have plans,” Ever, he considers adding but decides against it, “I'm usually just... here, doing school work and watching movies and stuff… my parents aren't exactly home often so…” I'm lonely, once again he decides not to add what his mind ads for him. Pattons hopeful expression kicks up excitement, his blue eyes twinkling with it.

“Thank you!!! I mean you don't have to or anything I- I understand If you don't want to help me or something or if you don't really mean it-” Patton rambles quickly, Virgil cuts him off.

“No- Pat it's fine, I want to help.” he says, a shy yet sure smile crossing his lips. Pattons eyes shine with happy unshed tears, before Virgil can blink Patton quickly throws his arms around him with a happy squeal. The unexpected hug sends Virgil falling against the couch, Patton not even noticing as he hugs Virgil tightly. Virgil lands against the couch with an oof and blushes fiercely a reaction to the gesture.

Patton detaches himself from Virgil once realizing what happened and finds himself positioned directly above those coco brown eyes and flushed pale face, Pattons hands at either side of his head. Virgil stares up at Patton unmoving, and Patton stares back, just as still. Patton has the urge to apologize again but the words die in his throat as Virgil's eyes flash with something Patton doesn't recognize seeing in those brown eyes before. Courage.

Driven by a sudden impulse, Virgil leans up from the couch and joins Patton's lips with his, Pattons eyes flutter shut after a split second of surprise, leaning into the kiss he's been imagining ever since he first saw the dark mysterious teen at school. Virgil's hands find their way to Pattons waist and linger there at his sides, Pattons moving to Virgil's hair as they sink back against the couch together. After a moment their lips part and they look at each other. Neither say a word, staring into eachothers eyes, infatuated by the lingering taste of the kiss on each of their lips.

Virgil is the first to respond, his mind catches up with him and his fight or flight response kicks in. His eyes go wide in realization of what he just did and he blushes, fiery red climbing from his neck to his face at an impossible rate. Panic floods his system as he decides flight.

“S-Sorry! Oh god- fu<k- I didn't- sorry you probably didn't want to- I- Patton I'm sorry- I didn't mean to- Patton you um- fu<k you should go- I made you uncomfortable- I don't know what got into me- now you could be sick- sh!t-” He sputters covering his face with his hands and wishing he could sink into the couch and just disappear. He feels Patton's warmth move from his chest, a spike of sadness quickly drives itself into his heart at its absence. He bites his lip and chews on it, his hands still covering his face as he chokes back the lump starting to form in his throat.

D@mn!t he fu<ked up- why does he even try- why did he ruin everything, he could have at least been friends with patton… he was excited to get school help- I was excited to help him! And here I go- everything I touch gets fu<ked up- it's better if he leaves anyways… Everyone always leaves, it's nothing new...

Virgil's thoughts spiral quickly in his head, chastising him and making him feel increasingly worse about the situation while Patton sits on the couch. Pattons eyes have shifted from awestruck to empathetic, Virgil lies there shaking, his hands covering his face as he spews apologies and stammers incoherent sentences. Patton reaches over and carefully takes Virgil's hands from his face, holding them in his. Virgil quiets and so does his head, watching Patton, still shaking. Patton squeezes Virgil's hands with a soft comforting smile, the smile shifts to nervous and Patton looks down at their hands.

“You didn't make me uncomfortable… and um… actually I did want to…” Patton looks back up and meets Virgil's eyes. “I liked it.” He says quietly. Virgil blinks, once… twice, his expression unreadable. Virgil's hands move in Patton's, shifting until their palms are together and their fingers are intertwined, eyes still locked. A gentle fondness finds its way into Virgil's gaze, his panic subsiding. Virgil hears the song that has taken the movie in the background and smiles softly at Patton, his voice syncing with Sallys as he sits up carefully to face Patton properly.

“And does he notice…”

Virgil's right hand separates from Pattons and makes its way to Pattons cheek, caressing it gently, his thumb sweeps back and forth as the uncertainty he was feeling earlier fades, only to be replaced by a confidence he rarely ever feels.

“My feelings for him?”

Pattons free hand slides against Virgil's hand against his cheek as Patton gazes into his fond chocolate eyes. A look Patton has been craving to see from him for a while now.

“And will he see”

Virgil moves closer on the couch, their knees now touching, the space between the two becoming increasingly smaller until the two are right in front of each other. Breathing the same air, noses brushing delicately against each other.

“How much he means to me?”

Patton closes the distance this time, meeting in the center as Virgil's voice fades on the last word of that line. The two kiss again. This time different, less surprised, more intentional. Their lips meeting more than once, continuously coming together and breaking apart, longer kisses savored and shorter ones filled with longing. Patton moves his hand from virgils and shifts closer, Virgil taking Patton carefully into his lap and holding him close as they continue to kiss. Virgil's arms around Patton making him feel secure and wanted. Safe. Patton in Virgil's arms making him feel needed, valued and worth something.

The two part again, both breathless and dazed, foreheads resting on each other, eyes closed. After a moment Virgil bites his lip, speaking hesitantly.

“Are you sure-” Patton silences him with another kiss.

“Yes.” He says, soft yet still certain.

“Okay…” Virgil whispers breathlessly. Without another word Patton lays his head on Virgil's shoulder and the two finish the movie together. Virgil holds Patton close, one hand trailing gently over his back while the other lies intertwined with one of Pattons.

Once it ends, neither bother to mess with Disney Plus as it switches to Tangled, one of Patton's favorites, Virgil soon learns by Pattons knowledge of every word. Patton also expresses this by Singing all the words happily and expressing ecstatic excitement over dashing dark rouge that's Flynn Rider. Virgil mimics the smoulder to Pattons sheer delight, his laughter fills Virgil's heart and they end up kissing again, the night passing quickly as they watch Tangled. They duet ‘Now I see the Light’ together, and as it ends dissolve into yet another kiss shared between the two. Patton gets Virgil more water and the cookies he had made earlier that day, Virgil eating one before devouring a few others after realizing one wasn't enough. What? Patton's baking was goooooood. Plus Virgil has quite the sweet tooth for someone so dark and gloomy. Patton giggles at how quickly he eats them, having a cookie himself before they disappear. Virgil's eyes start to droop as fatigue weighs on him, Patton too stifles a yawn and curls up with Virgil once more, this time laying on the couch with him, his glasses on the coffee table. Virgil's head propped on the armrest with a pillow, Patton tucked against his chest, his back against the couch they watch as Aladdin plays next. Virgil is asleep before Arabian night ends, his chest rising and falling slowly against Patton's back as he watches the movie unfold, it's not long before he's asleep as well, falling victim to Virgil's warm embrace and the sweet symphony of ‘A Whole New World.’

@crazydemigod666 @hamatobrothers @leinahtan @peanut-butter-and-theatre @analogical-spacegays @squippydraws @thefanficbooktuber

[tendousthoughts]

His Bear

Y/n or Ship(s): Ship (AsaNoya)

Genre: Angst with fluff ending

Warning(s): fouls language (cursing)

Summary: He was bear. My boyfriend. I love him. I was his and he was mine. But I fucked up. He told me to stop with these stupid fucking pranks and I don’t and I hurt him. I knew when I said those words and his face changed, I knew I took it too far. He was crying and all I could say was “it is a prank”. Fuck. Why did I do that to him, now he is done. We are done. He left and it is all my fault. He told me not to contact him but I just want to be in his arms again. I wish I never did the prank. I wish I never did that to him. I wish we talked this out, or he would scream at me for being so fucking dumb. I wish he would do anything but what he did. I didn’t want him to leave... I wish he didn’t. He needs space though so even though I love him so much, I am going to give him that. I can’t keep hurting him. So I’ll change for him.

A/N: I decided to make this a fanfic. I love this idea and I find it really cute. Whatever you want next please request. I really really really would love some request I have nothing to do with my time. Go ahead as well as just talk to me anon is okay- I just wanna chat! Also guess who did that “hey mamas” chin rub thing to my sister (as a joke) and they forgot their camera was on. Heh. Ya, I also ate some pen ink yesterday- How are you doing?

Getting Tired

Noya set up the camera and sat on the bed.

Click

There came Asahi with a smile. “Asahi I think we should take a break..” Nishinoya said.

“What?” His smile soon faded. Tears were already in his eyes.

“Um I think we should take a break” Nishinoya avoided eye contact.He knew that any second he would have to say it was out of hand.

“Are you being serious?” His tears were rolling down his cheek and he started to pack.

“W-wait bear I was kidding!” Nishinoya ran up to him.

“Nishinoya. I think.” Asahi seemed to try and make out the words.

“I think we should take a break, these pranks are getting too much and I can’t keep getting hurt by these. I have told you and you don’t understand. They hurt me, a lot. I don’t know what is real and what is fake. I need a break. From us, from you... I will be out by later tonight. Just please don’t contact me. I contact you when I am ready..”

Nishinoya began to cry a bit but just stood there stunned. “I didn’t mean to-”

“I know you didn’t mean to. Yet for some reason it hurt more. It is like you don’t know me... You know I get self conscious and so do you. You promised to stop doing these and I promised to try to give you more attention. I know lately I haven’t given you a lot but you know I’ve been trying hard, and so have you. But this prank was a lot Nishinoya. You took it too far.” Asahi looked at him biting his lip grabbing his stuff. “Bye.” He whispered as he shut the door behind him.

He had left a couple jackets but most of it was packed. All he left was that. That night they both cried themselves to sleep.

Late Night Drinks

I miss him.. I fucked up though.. I am fucked up right now aren’t I? ~ Nishinoya

It has been two months and Asahi hasn’t reached out. Nishinoya had a job but he spent his Fridays every night going out drinking with Tanaka or someone else. He wasn’t an emotional drunk most of the time, he was more of a partier when he drank. Few times he ranted or cried while drinking.

“One more please!” Nishinoya called out.

“You sure that’s a good idea? You have had a lot to drink already..” Tanaka intervened.

“Ya, ya I don’t care just pass me another!” Nishinoya laughed, “I want to get married for the heck of it tonight. You think anyone else wants to?” He smiled clearly not in the right state of mind. “They can wear whatever they can be whoever! They just need to be a chill person like ‘Sahi..” he mumbled thinking for a second and then taking a sip from his drink.

“Uh I don’t know but I think we should start wrapping up you know?” Tanaka smiled softly at his friend.

God he is entirely different without Asahi.. Ugh I don’t feel so well.. ~ Tanaka

“Okay okay~ But if I get married tonight I want you to be my best man okay? I want it to be perfect!” Nishinoya smiled and grabbed his phone.

“What are you doing?” Tanaka looked confused as tears began to fall from Nishinoya’s eyes.

“Pick up.. Pick up..” He mumbled ignoring the question. The ringing stopped and he was met with the voice he needed to hear.

“Nishinoya?” Asahi sounded confuse, “I told you no-”

“Heyyyy!! I am thinking about getting married and I want you thereeee!!” Nishinoya laughed tears rolling down as Tanaka grabbed the phone.

“Uh sorry to whoever this is, Nishinoya is pretty drunk- Sorry for bugging you!” Before he could hang up Asahi spoke up.

“Is he um..” Asahi started.

“Oh Asahi! What’s up dude! Noya dude why did you call Asahi?” Tanaka chuckled as incoherent words came from what he assumed to be Nishinoya.

“Is he okay without me? Like do you think he misses me or-” Asahi started when Tanaka cut him off.

“You guys are the same. Always so insecure. Yes he misses you. Why else would he get wasted every Friday since you broke up? NOYA DON’T DO THAT!” Tanaka screamed.

“What is happening is he okay?” Asahi worriedly stated.

“This IDIOT won’t stop getting up to dance on the stage.” Tanaka chucked.

“Uh do you want me to pick him up?” Asahi mumbled.

“You got to talk louder, don’t forget we are at a bar with loud music and people screaming along!” Tanaka called.

“Oh um you want me to pick him up?” Asahi said louder.

“Sure I’ll send the address.” Tanaka sent the address and they returned the phone to Nishinoya.

“BYE BYE! I AM GOING NOW TO GET MARRIEDDDD~” there is a faint no Asahi can hear from the phone and then Nishinoya became to ramble. “BUT BEAR WON’T MARRY ME SO I GOT TO FIND SOMEONE TO BE MY FOREVER AND THEN WE CAN START A FAMILY AND THEN I CAN UMM I CAN SEE BEAR!” He laughed as tears fell faster and harder. He missed Asahi.

“Nishinoya?” Asahi talked.

“MHM BEAR?” Noya screamed

“I am coming soon okay? Be safe and don’t go get married please? For me?” He whispered, tearing up. “Wait for me okay?”

“OKAYYY~” Noya smiled a bit.

“No more drinks either wait for me..” he hung up.

Wait for me.. Please. Wait for your bear... ~ Asahi

Long Drive

Asahi got there walking in. He immediately spotted the small boy.

There you are.. ~ Asahi

Nishinoya ran up and jumped up on Asahi, “BEAR!” He was crying and he held on tight.

“I’m here it is going to be okay Noya..” he whispered as he held on to him taking in the scent of home.

“I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry” he kept crying as he held on.

“You want to go home..? We can talk about it tomorrow if you want?” He whispered in his ear.

“Mhm.. I missed you so much ‘sahi..” Nishinoya whispered as he closed his eyes and held on tight.

Asahi walked over to Tanaka who already had a ride too, “Hey we are heading out. Thanks.” He was rubbing Nishinoya back. His shirt damp with Nishinoya’s tears.

When they got to Asahi’s car it looked new. Slowly Asahi sat Nishinoya in the front and buckled him up. Nishinoya was mostly out of it still. But he knew where they were going and everything. On the center cup holders was a photo of them. Asahi went to the front and started up the car. He rested one hand on the center compartment.. normally he would have it rested on Noya’s thigh but he didn’t know if he would be okay with it.

“Can I hold your hand?” Nishinoya whined softly looking at it like it was a puppy.

“Uh.. I guess..” Asahi mumbled as he felt Nishinoya’s hand wrap around his, he turned a soft shade of pink. “Same place right?”

“Mhm” Nishinoya smiled a bit, feeling all warm inside.

“Hey um..” Asahi was a bit bothered by something from the phone call and he needed to get it off his chest, “were you actually going to marry someone? Or um were you looking for someone to marry?” He mumbled.

“I don’t know.. wait um.. I wouldn’t, for sure,” Nishinoya smiled a bit, asahi relaxing. “Can I ask you something now?”

“Sure..” Asahi was hesitant.

“Why did you come to pick me up? I hurt you a lot and then I call you for no good reason and then I grab onto you out of nowhere. I call you bear out of the blue even though I have no right to... I don’t see why,” Nishinoya seemed like he was just rambling but Asahi felt like he should answer it.

“I think I did it because I really missed you.. um and I found it as an opportunity to see you.. so i needed to take it, if that makes sense?” Asahi, “and if I’m being honest, I was kinda scared you were going to get married and I didn’t want to lose my chance of being with you. Just because I never reached out.

“Oh.. I missed you too,” Nishinoya mumbled. “Also you will never lose your chance. You are the only person I ever loved.. and probably will ever love.” He laughed a bit, closing his eyes. “I fucked up didn’t I, though? Like let us be honest it was all my fault. I pulled all those stupid pranks, you know?” Asahi didn’t know what to say. “No need to hide it from me, I already know!” Tears were flooding both of their eyes.

“No it wasn’t. Never will be and never has been..” Asahi whispered. “We are here..” he got out and picked up Nishinoya. “Are you okay with this?”

“Ya.. I’m all good with this.. By the way it is the same key.. if you still have it” he mumbled hissing his face in his shirt.

“Oh okay..” he carried him in. Nothing changed at all. He slowly walked around and found the closet picking out some clothes. He found his old hoodies and chuckled a bit to himself. “Here you can change” he handed him the clothes and walked out.

“Done..” Nishinoya called and Asahi walked back in.

“Um.. I should go now, I’ll talk to you tomorrow..” Asahi smiled at his hands.

“Can um.. you stay please?” He whispered, opening the blanket. “I haven’t been able to sleep really well and um.. I just think it is because I miss you.”

“Umm are you sure?” Asahi mumbled.

“Please. Only if you’re okay with it though.” He smiled.

“Uh I am fine with it I guess..” he slipped in and tried to position his hands but in the end he was big spooning Nishinoya and holding him as Nishinoya snored. His hands made their way to Nishinoya finding some rubber bands he began to tear up.

Fuck.. I have missed you so much ~ Asahi

Soulmates

When the morning came so did the hangover. Nishinoya woke up first with a terrible headache but he didn’t want to leave to get the medicine. When Asahi woke up though he immediately went and grabbed some water and medicine.

“Thanks..” he mumbled as he took the pill and some water. Remembering everything from the night prior. “Sorry about bugging you.. like to lay with me and all.” He avoided eye contact. “I shouldn’t have made you uncomfortable like that.” He whispered.

“Noya it is fine I don’t mind.. I missed it so um. Can we talk though?” He sat next to him.

“Mhm,” Nishinoya looked up.

“Can I start?” Asahi smiled a bit as Noya shook his head yes. “I am sorry. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me and that week I hadn’t been paying much attention to you. I should have thought about it knowing that you mentioned it to me before. I knew you get insecure with thinking I don’t need you, and I am guessing leaving you didn’t help that. Neither did I text or call you. I should have thought about it for a second before I did so. I was scared, mad, sad, and just in all hurt. I didn’t want us to end and at the end of the day that’s what happened.. Last night when I saw you I just, I couldn’t believe you were the same person. I mean drinking every fucking Friday. Fuck. That much I’m guessing? I mean god. I really fucking wished I didn’t do that. I should of let us talk first. I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry Noya..”

Noya thought for a second, “um.. I am sorry. I knew that you hated those stupid fucking pranks. I knew that you were having a tough week that week and I shouldn’t have done that even if I wanted more attention. I hurt you. I broke our promise. I shouldn’t have and I want to apologize for that. I want to also apologize for doing that to you yesterday. You told me not to contact you until you did first. I couldn’t even listen to that. I shouldn’t have done that for all I know you lied last night and were super uncomfortable. As well as asking you to lay with me. We are broken up, and I can’t do that. It was uncalled for and completely disrespectful of your boundaries. I know that I shouldn’t have done it yet I still did. I am sorry.” He clutched the blanket as tears flooded his eyes.

“Noya can I ask you something..?” Asahi asked.

“Mhm go ahead,” Nishinoya mumbled

“Um do you still have romantic feelings for me or um are they gone..?” He whispered.

“I still like you. If we are being honest,” he smiled a bit.

“Me too.. I like you a lot.. by any chance can we retry this whole love thing..?” Asahi asked, smiling hopefully.

“Ya for sure...” Nishinoya smiled.

“Can I kiss you..?” Asahi asked softly.

“Of course..” Nishinoya laughed. Salty tears mixed in with the sweet warmth of their lips meeting.

I love you so much Asahi.. thank you for giving me a second chance ~ Nishinoya

Thank you Noya.. I’ve missed you. I love you. I love you. I love you.. ~ Asahi

[danaduchy]

NPCs about Seeds

Full script of Far Cry 5 (except cutscenes)

* What were those Seed brothers like? Can't imagine there's anything like a healthy sibling rivalry going on there. * John's the baby of the Seed family. His brothers turn a blind eye to his more sadistic indulgences. * Joseph and John show why it's hard to have a family business. Money and blood mix weird. Even when you're not tryin' to be a messiah.   * When you escaped the bunker... John didn't say it... but you could see it in his face. Failure. Things got worse from there... Like he was trying to make up for something. Prove to his brother he could... * Kim and I used to throw these weekend BBs. Open invite. All you had to do was bring something. If you can believe it, the whole Seed family came once. They brang watery mac and cheese. I shoulda knew they were monsters when they did that. * John's on edge 'cause his brother-Father is getting' cranky. What a fucked up sibling relationship those two got. * Maybe John will go crying to his "father". I wanna see Joseph give John a spanking. * Joseph's pissed the hell off. I hear John's sweating like a piggy. * Word's out - Joseph's had it with John. That little punk is backed into a corner now. * Good thing for us John and Jacob haven't sorted out their brotherly nonsense. I mean if we're lucky, they'll just take each other down. If not, well, I'm going to keep some grenades around with John's name on 'em, eh? It's comin' to a head man.     * Says somethin' that Joseph didn't save his brother. Family really doesn't mean shit to these people. * Wonder what Daddy Seed is feelin' right now. Oh. Shit. What if he WANTED John dead? Fuck man, I can't think about the big game. We did it here. We kicked ass. That's gotta matter. Okay that’s what I'm telling myself.  Yeah, that’s it. * I'm just sayin': If I was Joseph and I had the ability to see into future occurrences, I woulda warned my boy John that he was gon' get murdered... and made some good bets. * I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Joseph tries to spin John's death to his own advantage. * John Seed never had the Father's full confidence, what I heard. But the Joseph loves little sister Faith, and gave her everything her twisted heart desired. * Jacob always tried to look out for his little brother. Imagine what he's gonna do when he finds out you killed him.

* John was always the runt of the Seed family. I'm not surprised that you were able to get him. But I gotta warn you, Jacob's a whole lot meaner than his little brother. * Joseph adopted Faith into their family. She's going to be madder'n a wet hen that you killed her brother John. * John liked to throw his weight around, tryin' to prove how strong he was. Jacob knows he's strong. His actions are more controlled, and he's a lot scarier for it. John was always super emotional, but Jacob's buttons won't be so easy to push. * All this could have been avoided if only a mid-level cable channel gave the Seed family the reality show they deserved. * You know, if any of these Seeds ran for office, they'd win in a landslide. Mind control charisma just oozes off of them. * Come to think of it, the Seeds work just like a political office. You got Joseph, the mayor, and John, Jacob and Faith as his city councilors. It's no wonder they forced me and my people out of office - they already knew how to play the game! * Each of the Seeds has their own bunker. They call them “Gates”. * Know how I sniffed out Eden's Gate's bullshit early on?  Only the Seeds were allowed to be angry, everybody else had to be calm--even though we all had our asses in that church because we were mad at the same shit too. But now everybody gets to be angry, 'cause it's a weapon pointin' where the Seeds want it. Protect the project. Transparent motherfuckers.

John

Resistance

* John's always been obsessed with the people in Fall's End. And with Mary May in particular. * Deep down, I think John wants to die. That man has scars that run deep. * John's got a particular ritual he sticks to. You get marked with a video, then you get dunked in the water. When John wants you found, he doesn't stop. Ever. * Nowadays, if you're caught huntin’, John Seed'll have ya' killed. * John's got people getting baptized all across the valley. In rivers, creeks, hell, even in puddles. * John scrawls a fucking tattoo on your chest, then flays you the fuck alive. He nails it to a wall. * If the peggies wanted a heap of food, why didn't they drive a ways to the wholesale club and take that over? Everythin' would be canned and ready for them instead of still in the ground. You can tell John Seed never had to raise a kid.   * The cult takes people and then sorts out where they go. Whoever John doesn't keep, he sends to Jacob. Or Faith. * John really puts the dick in dictator. The fucker just loves calling and leaving answering machine messages, too. * John's always wearing a key around his neck. He calls it the key to paradise. I don't wanna know what it unlocks. * I'm pretty sure the family that used to own this farm is long gone. John Seed made an offer. They refused. That's that. * This fertilizer company was bought by John Seed a long time ago. They ran it as a legit business. * This one guy, Les Doverspike. House is northwest. He thought he could prepare for everything... Din't count on... JOHN SEED'S LAWYERING SUPER POWERS! In the blink of an eye, Eden's Gate owned Les' land, bunker, arm, leg, dingleberries, ....EVERYTHING! * I've heard some pretty brutal stories about what happens when John wants you to confess. * The peggies had to have planned all this way ahead of time - they're harvestin' at record speed. I guess they had little meetings... John probably hunkered over his map gettin' a hard-on for the sound of his own voice. Hm... now there's a thought... * The thing that always bugs me about John Seed is, who goes to a lawyer that’s tatted up more than a gangbanger? * You're attractin' a lot of attention, especially from John Seed. John's paying special attention to you. * John wants you real bad. Have you considered maybe he's in some kinda love with you? He oughta killed you like two or three times already but he's playin' cat and mouse. Just sayin', if you find yourself alone with him maybe a good long somethin-or-other could save our necks. * Man, that John, he sure does have a hard on for you. So I'm thinking, you guys should probably just fuck and uh get it over with. * I bet you John gives the best spankin's. Sorry I know that's messed up. What can I say, he brings it outta me. I'm just sayin' maybe we don't kill John is all. Seems a waste of a perfectly good set of buns. * Before you, John never lost his cool. You're driving John literally crazy. * I drank with Joey Hudson back in the day. She doesn't take shit from anyone. John's gonna eat her alive. * I know how these things go, man. Deputy, you better keep skeleton keys and wire cutters and a swiss army knife and anythin' that'll get you outta a hogtie on you at all times, because John is gonna truss you up like a dinner turkey real soon. * Always thought there was somethin' kinda twisted about John. * John the Baptist is an amoral predator, end of story. * John Seed's not gettin' what he wants, so he's pitchin' a fit. * Keep an ear out for John's fucken' plane. He loves buzzin' around in that hunk of shit. * I've known men like John Seed before. Real charismatic. They'll sell ya poison and convince ya it's a health tonic. He'd fit in real nice in Washington... * I had one conversation with John Seed and I knew! I knew... He masks his words as guidance, but deep down there is a selfishness that could only come from pure evil. * John Seed's a piece of shit. When news spread that I was expecting, that scumbag spread rumors that HE was the biological father of my baby. I don't know if he was trying to create a wedge between me and Nick or if he was just doing it to laugh at us. * I hear John Seed was a lawyer or something. Used the rules to buy up stuff in the Holland Valley. The cult must have been running damage control already, because think of what a story that'd make. Unless we're already all tapped out of giving a fuck about the shitty economy and its parasites. Huh. Yeah. He's same old, actually. Same fucking old. * I remember the first time John Seed set foot in this bar. I'm wiping down counters and Ma's countin' the till when I hear her bark, 'What the fuck do you want?' I look up and he's standin' in the doorway. Eyein' me like I'm a meal. Some people 'round here said give the Seed's a chance. I knew they were bad news from the start. * Eden's Gate took this town right from under us. They started buying up all the land, forcing business to shut down and foreclosing on homes.... My parents and me fought back, but John wanted this bar. Told 'em he'd have to pry it from our cold dead hands. So, the cult paid off the county and made it illegal to transport alcohol. We fought back with lawyers, but those leeches bled us dry, too. * Whenever there's a neighbor in need, everybody around here pitches in. A couple days after we told some people I was pregnant, we got all this secondhand baby shit from everybody. John Seed stole all of it the next day. * Heard Pastor Jerome had you saving people from being kidnapped. John Seed did that to me. The fucker made me think he was going to torture me, too. Had me wait in a room for half a day thinking he was going to do it. All that fucker did was give me one of those ink jobs. It was messed up. * John Seed is just a man. He seeks glory and riches. He immersed himself in a sea of self-aggrandizement. He pounds pulpits. He professes principals he neither believes nor practices. He stokes fear. But he is just a man. * Before you came along, John Seed kidnapped me. He has his way of getting a person to say things. It's not about my words. It's about what's in his head. When he was done, I was beaten, toed in the woods, and left to die. * A long time ago, in peaceful times, I asked John Seed what was driving him. He gave me so many answers. All of them lies. * John Seed is a cruel soul who can't be reasoned with. He enjoys making people suffer. * John and the Peggies are taking everything and everyone that ain't nailed down. Even then they just come with crowbars. * After you're marked for baptism and dunked in the fucking river, John drags you to his bunker. God save us from whatever he does in there. * There must be a reason John almost drowns people in the baptisms. It's a power play but there's more to it. * If John really wanted to, he could wipe Fall's End off the map. He's toying with the people there, like a sadistic cat. * John's got a singular mind. Dug up from a serial killer's grave, but still, singular. * There's something really wrong with John. I don't have a name for it but you can see it in that creepy smile of his. * When I first saw him on the cult's videos, John seemed pretty harmless. But when I met him in person, he made the hairs on my neck stand up. * John bought up all the businesses 'round here and promised us jobs but the only people who got work were cultists. * When John asks you for somethin', he's not really askin'. He'll get what he wants from you one way or another. * John wants us all to say yes, but I think he actually really likes it when they say no. Gives him an excuse to get mean. * Anyone who doesn't confess to John gets killed and put on display as a warning to others. It's inhuman. * John doesn't just mark people with a sin, but their houses too. You can see his calling cards all over the valley. * I got a package from John Seed the other day. // What was inside it? // A note that said I was favored and that if I admitted to my sin, I'd be cleansed. * What does John Seed do exactly...? // He messes with your head. Asks you questions. Makes you say shit you don't want to be saying. I... I really don't want to talk about it. * John was right, we all do have one sin that tends to run our life. In a weird way maybe he did give us a second chance. * My old house was a piece of shit. It would creak at night, so bad I thought for sure some boogie man was coming to get me every night growing up. // Heh, aw, that's cute. // Yeah. John gutted and burned it to a crisp last week. * Okay, I need to lighten the mood. This is unbearable. // Oh Lord. // John Seed is so uptight, he takes a ruler to bed to see how long he sleeps. // I'm not in the mood. // John Seed is so uptight, he fell down a coal shaft and found a diamond in his ass a week later. // Okay that's pretty good. * You seen that John guy? Most aggressive grin I ever seen on a human being. Like a chimpanzee before it bites ya. // God what a creep. // I hate to think what kinda life he's come from. // Who gives a shit? He's evil. // What makes a guy that evil though? // It doesn't matter. There are loads of people out there with troubled pasts but they manage not to run an apocalypse murder cult. * Not like John was the peak of sanity before, but he's going straight up coo-coo bananas with all you're doin'. * Sounds like Broseph's mad! Ouuuu, family probs! John's like that little brother who gets held down and farted on, and then curls into a ball and cries. * One thing about John -- the more you ruffle his feathers, the angrier he gets. He can't deal with embarrassment; being made to look bad. He'll start sending out search parties to grab people like us, so we gotta stay frosty. * John's lustin' for a dogfight with you, huh. I bet that kid jerked it to Top Gun or something and now it's the only way he can get a stiffie, is in a dogfight. If you have to kick the bucket I hope that's one of your last thoughts, its a good one. * John's playin' a strange game with you. Dunno what's worse, that sometimes he seems to want you dead, or sometimes he seems to want you alive. * John's no better than his brother's dog, and we all know what needs doin' to a mad dog. * John's huntin' you like an animal.  He catches you, you're probably gonna join his other trophies on his wall. * Hey dep, I just wanna say I'm sorry, I heard John's got a partner of yours It's gotta be scary, you know. Probably heard about how John cuts people up and knows all these pressure points and can make you feel pain beyond anything you ever imagined. Anyways don't think about that. I'm sure... I'm sure she's fine. She'll be alright. * Was John dead behind the eyes when you met him? It's not my imagination, there's no soul back there. * I heard there's no spare key for the bunker prison. Just one for John. Control freak. * John Seed, what a fuckin' self-absorbed dick, huh? You just KNOW he jerks off in the mirror, and marvels at his fuckin' facial expressions. * That's John Seed's Ranch. I heard he loved hiding in that castle of his. * John had this place built just for him. Even got a hangar for his fucken' planes. * Look at this place. John's got the worst case of younger sibling syndrome I ever seen. * John's such a neat freak, it's inhuman. * Ugh. John Seed's temple to himself. Fucker's got a tennis court. I ain't never seen anybody play. Just another way he's a hypocrite. * I know everyone's got a bunker out here, but John's is ridiculous. * John's taste in home decor is... awful. * John's been stealin' the planes from all over the Valley. He keeps the best ones at the airstrip next to his ranch. * Of all the Seeds, I think I understood John the least. Inferiority complex, maybe? But he was a lawyer, he could have gone out and, I don't know, been a Wall Street megalomaniac. I guess economic murder isn't as satisfying as direct murder. * John made tattoos look real bad man, I'm glad he's six feet under. You gotta respect the ink. He didn't even learn a proper letterin' or font techniques or nothing, man. No way I'd have even trusted him to touch up my tramp stamp. * With John gone, Jacob will have a harder time building up his army. But he's already got a strong force at the ready.

Peggies

* John Seed's a funny guy. But not 'ha-ha' funny. * Dang, John's bunker is so luxurious. There's parts of this bunker that only John can access. * Deputy Hudson is one of John's "special projects". Every time John leaves here, he's got a big smile on his face. * John's got the only key to the deeper parts of the bunker. We really oughtta make a copy of John's key. What if he loses it? * John knows the human heart. He's been through a lot. It's why I trust him. * I wonder if John's place will survive the Collapse? * I could get in trouble for saying this, but it smells funny in John's house. * Haven't seen John here in a long time. He's super busy. * I knew John loved planes, but I didn't know he also loved boats. I bet John's boat costs more than my old house. * I've never seen Brother John on a boat, but I know he likes to get wet. * You think John fishes? * We need to keep this place tidy. You know how John gets with his baptisms. * Bet we're guardin' John's unreleased films. * I hope Brother John takes me for a plane ride someday. * John keeps all of his favorite things stashed in the hangar. * John wants the word Yes plastered all over this place. Gotta attract new brothers and sisters. * Taking this scrap metal is good forward thinking. John's left nothing to chance. He's a smart man. * Bet John'll be a king after the collapse. * If you're marked, John believes you can be saved. I didn't want to admit my sin at first, but John showed me how to accept it gracefully. * Feels weird turning those people into Angels. I mean, they worked in the store here with us. They cooperated. // Sure, they cooperated. But they were still sinners. There's no going back at a certain point, you know? John said that this was the only way to save them. * I know it's John's will, but...I don't like killing dogs. * John's made catchin' that deputy our top priority. Wonder why John wants the deputy alive. * That deputy's fixin' to get taken into John's special room. * John's relentless, that deputy don't stand a chance. * John's gettin' awful mad. I pity anyone who has to deal with him face to face. * I don't know what's goin' on in John's head, but it's embarrassing. * I thought John had control of things, but lately it feels like he's got no idea what he's doin'. * John's got that look in his eye, I almost feel bad for the people of Fall's End. * John will make everyone atone, even if it kills him. * John was right, they never saw us comin'. * John's so smart. Burnin' what we can't take, so people know they need us, spirit and body. * Last I heard from John, he was real angry. Never knew he had that amount of righteous wrath in him. * Pray you never see John lose his cool. // He never does. // He has though. Some sinner a while back had words with 'im. I couldn't hear exactly, but I heard 'em say the Father's name - I never seen John go so red so fast. // What'd he do? // Well he gets in his plane and wipes the sinner's property off the goddamned map. He rains fire on'em. They're scurryin' everywhere, screamin'. Like a magnifying glass on an anthill. * The Seeds lost a good brother in John. * Maybe John wasn't part of the plan? Maybe this is still what the voice told Joseph? * John's faith wavered, but mine's never been stronger. * I'll miss John's pep talks. * John did so much for the project. He can never be replaced. * John proved his devotion in blood. How can we do any less? * John was always larger than life, it felt like he was immortal.

Joseph

Resistance

* Joseph doesn't like it when his family goes off-book. * I know this is an unpopular opinion, but what if Joseph's right about the end of the world? * That's the first place Joseph ever built. Back when they pretended to be good. Joseph used to preach here. We could have saved us some trouble if we had just set fire to it years ago. * Joseph Seed and his whole family are like the politicians who ran this country into the ground. They sell ya hope and change and all these people buy into it thinking it's gonna be different this time. It ain't. Might as well be buyin' magic beans. * These people in Eden's Gate have been led astray. Joseph Seed claims he loves everyone. Wants them to know the truth.  The truth is he preaches vengeance and sows lies. But the words of an evil man ring louder in the minds of the weak... * You know what really gets me? Cult leaders are usually always in it for the money. Just like a pyramid scheme. Joseph ain't like that. I keep tryin' to break this guy down into what he wants from people. If it ain't money, and it ain't sex, what the hell is it? * Joseph's a charismatic son of a bitch. I mean, you've heard him. The pitch. The tempo. The way the words roll off his gentle lips. His mannerisms. I mean he's been speech trained, probably more than any politician I've ever seen. That's how you know he's a government guy. * I know the people of this valley. They're good, hard workin' people. But in bad times, people get scared, start lookin' for someone to blame. Joseph Seed fed on that fear. Told folk the end of the world was coming. Lot of 'em believed him. Truth be told... way things are now? I sometimes wonder if he's right. Folks felt abandoned, grew weary, they needed our help. And we didn't listen, but Joseph Seed did. Joseph Seed wooed people. He told them EXACTLY what they wanted to hear. With those falsehoods, lies, his poison. It's driven a lot of good folks away from the righteous path. * I knew Joseph Seed was bad business when he wormed his way in here a few years back. I imagine the fucking mainstream media would paint us as two sides of the same coin, because they're either lazy or corrupt or both... But to me, it's simple: I'm willing to sacrifice everything for my family, while Joseph Seed wants to burn down the world for his. * Y'know, I had a dream last night that involved me, a bed, whips and chains, and Joseph Seed. Suffice to say there were a lot of conflicting emotions and sensations... * Did you have a vision? Faith dosed me with bliss, and I saw the Father come to me, personally, and tell me terrible things. * I have a lot of pity for Faith. Joseph is the true monster, manipulating that young woman into a weapon. * Who the heck is Faith, y'know? Joseph treats her both like his daughter and his sister. How much does she know? How influential is she? It's all twisted together. * I wonder how many other secret bunkers there are in the county? Joseph procured a whole missile silo and no one saw! * Faith came to Hope County to detox. Like tourism of hillbilly country for rehab. But Joseph took a shine to her and she was reborn. Hell, her real name ain't even Faith, but something rich, like Riley or Rachel. * Joseph believes in Faith. He's entrusted her with all manner of heinous activity out here. We need to take her out. * I can't see what kind of method to the madness Eden's Gate has goin' on. Three heralds of the Collapse? What are they even doin'? // They got a system. Faith sows, John reaps, Jacob... // Steps on your neck? // Deals in belief, I guess. // Nah, that's Joseph's job. He's the charismatic populist motherfucker. Jacob just wants to cull people. * Joseph's just a nobody from nowhere. How'd he get this many people behind him? * There was a time no western religious leader would be caught dead with a goddamned man-bun. Fuck I miss those days. Listen, I get that he's runnin' this big old cult and all but if you're gonna run a big old cult you gotta look the part! Long robe that's a weird color, like puce or something, stringy moustache, head shaved bald like a baby. Not like some kind of lovechild between a hipster and a country singer. * Joseph Seed's family is gone. He's gonna be vulnerable and running on emotion. He won't be thinkin' straight. If we're putting this to a vote, I'd say we close this chapter for good, as soon as possible.

Peggies

* The father's takin' a personal interest in those deputies now... Maybe his visions told him somethin'.   * Joseph said that deputy is special. I wonder what he meant by that. * Despite everything they've done to us, I know Joseph would still forgive them. * We have to love the sinners. It's what Joseph would want. * It's been too long since I've seen our Father's face. * Joseph is a gifted songwriter. You haven't lived until you've heard Joseph sing this live. * I heard that the Father got the idea for the Judges in a vision. * Jacob might teach us to shoot, but Joseph guides our aim. * President Seed has a nice ring to it. Wonder if Joseph has political aspirations? * I see why Joseph liked this county. Plenty of silos for what we need to store. * Everyone knows Joseph will not tolerate idle hands.   * The Father keeps all the best stuff for his Chosen. Leaves us the scraps. * After the collapse, we won't hear the Father on the radio anymore. * Joseph's disappointed in us, I can tell. We gotta do better. * I hope the Father doesn't take this out on us. * I can't imagine how Joseph feels now, with his brother gone.   * With Jacob gone the Father has to have a backup plan for us. He has to. * Our Father was supposed to save us. Joseph wouldn't ever abandon us, would he? * Joseph will know what to do. I just have to find out where he's hidin'.

Jacob

Resistance

* We're in Jacob's territory now. Know how I know? Wildlife is scarce. I'm not one for hunting but this area in particular used to be home to quite a few species. They've either been driven away or taken in for experiments. It's sad. * Jacob Seed's in charge out here. He's ex-military, he's a combat veteran, and he's a psycho. * Faith was Joseph's favorite, but Jacob is his toughest soldier, bar none. * Jacob's got this Chair. He straps people in and breaks them down until their souls are gone. Then he controls their mind. Don't end up in that chair. * I know Jacob's the bad guy and all, but every bad guy thinks they're this misunderstood hero, right? Has anyone ever tried to just, you know, take him for coffee and talk to him? * Strippin' people of their mind and freewill to build an army for The Father, that ain't right. I still can't believe Jacob and Joseph are brothers. * The mind is the most dangerous weapon and Jacob knows that all too well. No one was really prepared for this. * I've seen him up close once and I'll tell ya' Jacob Seed is one scary motherfucker. * Jacob had one thing right. Things are only goin' to get worse and you gotta be ready for it. * I had a dream once that Jacob took me on a hunt. We shot some deer and he asked me to skin them. As I was cutting them open they changed... it wasn't deer. I... I don't think it was a dream. * Whatever you do, don't listen to the music. That's how Jacob gets you. * One of the first places Jacob took over is the old Veteran's Hospital. No one thought much of it at the time. * Careful. Jacob likes to play mind games with ya. * This was an animal sanctuary until Jacob took it over. Looks like he's got some freaky deaky shit goin' on. Jake-n-Bake Seed really had his fingers up in everything up here. * Jacob's completely insane. He's not even trying to hide what he's doing anymore. * Heard that Jacob has been doin' some weird stuff with animals over here... and not just wolves this time. * Jacob's been putting people in cages. Keepin' them there with no food or water for weeks!  Almost better if they just killed you. * Eli worked on Jacob's special bunkers, did you know that? Turns out they didn't get along. Who would've thought? * No one is immune to Jacob's fucked up conversion. Once they hit you with that you ain't ever the same. * Jacob, he's knows everything that I'm thinking. He's got the key to my mind and he twists... and twists... and twists. * Jacob... his experiments... he takes us... owns us, speaks to us. He hears us. Jacob... he's in control. He controls everything. * Jacob knows how to get into your head. Twists things around so you don't know what's right anymore. * If Jacob can't find a use for you in his army, you become target practice for troops. * Be careful out there. Friends might not be friends anymore after Jacob's done with them. * I bet the Peggies got an armory here, too. I can't believe how Jacob got them so organized. * Jacob's using everything he learned in the military and twisting it to suit the needs of Eden's Gate. Son of a bitch is a poor excuse for a soldier if you ask me. As long as he's alive my Pops will be rolling in his grave, all bitter and mad. * Have to say, you've ticked Jacob off something fierce. * You wanna bet that Jacob had that three-wolf moon poster as a kid? I bet he was a cub scout, too. Now he's getting his badge for people-skinning and brainwashing. * I'm seeing a lot more choppers in the air. Looks like Jacob's using them to move troops and supplies. * You know, I was dumb enough to work for Jacob a few years back. Who you think built him all those Peggie bunkers? You think I saw any of this comin'? Hell no... * Jacob's new recruits gotta kill someone they care about, just to prove their loyalty. That's messed up on so many levels. * Jacob will be pied that you and the Cougars freed the Henbane River. He'll need a new source of soldiers. * Jacob sees himself as beyond the other so-called Heralds. He views his work as the most important, and that the others' purpose was to support him. * Jacob will break every bone in your body to convert you. He lives for pain. * Jacob would happily sacrifice everyone and everything in Hope County to feed Joseph's Collapse. He doesn't care about Faith. * Between John, Faith, and Jacob, I'd say our mind control freak is the worst. He makes people kill their own family. His own mind's twisted. He's a damn maniac. * I hear Jacob's looking everywhere for you. * You gotta save us from all this darkness. All this death. Jacob's losing it and he's out hunting down more people. He's gonna do anything for Joseph's plan to work. * Cult's got the wrong idea 'bout sacrifices. My neighbor killed his old man 'cause Jacob said so. For fuck's sake, you don't do that. * Jacob's gone nuts 'cause he lost a lot of his precious, mindless soldiers. I'd say it sucks even more to see our own teammates turned against us. * Jacob's pissed. That's new. He's always been the crazy type, but I'm afraid of what he'll come up with next. Stay sharp. * Using music to control people is so in bad taste, but Jacob's song pick, that's gotta say something about him. * How much do we know about this Jacob fella? He seems strong. Got a good setup going on... We ought to take some photographs of him or somethin'. Preferably shirtless... Y'know, for intelligence purposes. Know your enemy. * If Jacob he had an experienced woman in his life, this shit would not be happenin'. I'll take one for the team if it comes to that. Just don't tell Xander I said that. He'll get jealous. * I knew Jacob was trouble as soon as he showed up. I mean, did you see his face? It's all burned and twisted like his heart. * Jacob's got training grounds all over the place. I've seen them out there, shooting anything that moves. * I can almost understand why people follow Jacob. He's knows what he's doin', that's for sure. Mind you he's also a fucken' psychopath kind of a deal breaker for me. * Honestly, Jacob scares the shit outta me, even more than the Father. I've seen Jacob up close, I've looked him in the eyes they're empty, not a single shred of humanity anywhere. * Jacob's one sick fuck. Nailing up bodies? Burning people alive? That's just messed up. * You know what? I think Jacob's scared of Eli. That's why he's tried so hard to get him. * Jacob must be getting desperate and crazy. More troops out here than ever. * Jacob's plan worked. I tried to warn them. I told them not to go back. Jacob's going to win. He always wins. * Jacob was the big, mean, brute of the Seed clan. * Jacob was an example of how a vet can go bad without any help. Still glad he's dead of course.

Peggies

* Hope Jacob doesn't have another surprise inspection. Last one didn't go so hot. * Jacob asks for sacrifices from us all.  I gave up my son just so I could understand the Father's pain. * Jacob can turn these animals into weapons for the Father, I've seen him do it. * Jacob calls those wolves of his Judges, 'cause that's what they do. If you're not worthy, they tear you to shreds. * Jacob takes us, molds us and lifts us up to realize our potential. Just like this Judge. Once, it was just a simple wolf. Then it heard the voice of the Father. Now look at it. Stronger, faster... a killer. That's what Jacob does, he makes us better than we were, because only the very best of us will pass through Eden's Gate and on to salvation. * Jacob has asked us to find more recruits for the Project. We have to make them see the light... by force if necessary. * Jacob taught me how to bring a boar down will one killshot. Now I just apply the same logic to sinners. Easy. * Trust nobody, that's what Jacob told us. * Last time I was here Jacob himself complimented me on my shootin'. * Jacob will whip the strong ones into shape. The rest of 'em won't survive training. Jacob sure puts you through your paces here. It's how he makes us strong. * Jacob only wants the strongest of any creature. * Some of the converts have a hard time losing their old notions, but Jacob has a way of getting them to see the light. * If you've ever been in Jacob's presence you know just how powerful he really is. * There is no way anyone would dare stand up to Jacob. They'd be dead in a second. * Jacob's got this county locked down. There's no way they're gonna take him out. * Jacob knows what he's doin'. If he says he's got this bastard covered, I believe him. You know Jacob. He's not gonna give up. * I hear Jacob is furious. We have to try harder. We can't fail the Father. * Jacob's not dead. There's no way. He's too strong to die. * The sacrifice of Jacob must be part of the Father's great plan; we must trust in him. * The guy who killed Jacob. He fucken' cheated. You know Jacob. There's no way he would've lost in a straight up fight. Can't do anything for Jacob, but we can make sure Pratt pays for letting that bastard get away. * Do you think this the father knew about all this? // Of course. It's all part of his plan. // Even losing Jacob? // Do you doubt the Father's visions? // No! Of course not.... it's just... the guys... they have questions.... // Questions? Now's not the time for questions! It's time for action! Do you want to die a sinner? // No! Or course not! // Then get back to your post. The Father needs us now, more than ever! * So what the hell are we going to do now? // What do you mean? // What do I mean? Jacob's dead! That's a pretty big deal, if you ask me. // We still have the Father. It's his plan after all. // Sure, but he had Jacob and the others to help. He can't do it all himself. // That's why we're here. We have to step up, do whatever is asked of us. We can't give up, not now. // Yeah, you're right. Especially with what's coming. // Exactly. Get back to your post, this isn't over yet.

Pratt

* Jacob's caught himself a Deputy. I think it's Pratt. Poor bastard, he's not gonna last a day in there. * Deputy Pratt always came off as a bit of a douchebag, but that doesn't mean he deserves what Jacob's doin' to him. * I'd sure hate to be that Deputy Pratt right now. Jacob's gonna rip him to pieces. He tried to arrest his brother for God sake. * Pratt's days are numbered. One of these days Jacob's gonna have him nailed up on some billboard or something just like the others. * I keep thinking about Pratt, and what Jacob's doin' to him. That poor man's brain's gonna be totally fucked. * Can only imagine what it's like to be left in a cage with nothing to eat for days. God, do you think that's what they're doing to that Deputy of yours? Poor bastard. * I don't think that Deputy's gonna live much longer. I hear Jacob's furious and you can be sure who he's gonna take it out on. * Next time you meet your friend Pratt, be careful. Jacob does things... to your mind... he might not be the same person you remember. Don't say I didn't warn you. * Can you fuckin' believe that guy? // Who? // The Deputy. Pratt. He was wanderin' around behind the cages. // What the fuck was he doin' there? // Who the hell knows. Jacob's probably got him off doing some shit. // Yeah, he's lucky to be able to put two words together after what Jacob did to him! // Seriously. Sometimes I think it's a mistake to put too much trust in these converts. You should come willing to the light, or be struck down. * I.. I was told to feed the Judges but I didn't know where their food was. // Jesus, Pratt. Does nothing stick in that brain of yours? Over there, where it's always kept. // Right! Th..thanks Phil! It won't happen again! // It better not. * I just want go out and hunt down the bastard that killed Jacob and beat them to death.//Don't worry. They'll be here soon enough. We've got their buddy Pratt down here. Pretty sure we're next on the list.//Aren't you worried? They were strong enough to take on Jacob...// Fuck 'em. With the number of guards we got here? They'd be crazy to try to take us on. * Good thing Pratt's out man. He was lookin' like a hipster in a bullfight man. * There's not much of the old Deputy Pratt left, Jacob made sure of that. Almost would've been better that he'd died in there.       * Yeah, the Deputy might be free, but I won't say he's okay. No one is okay after they've been through the trials. No one. * Jacob sure did a number on Pratt. Not sure there's much of him left in there. * It's gonna take a while for Deputy Pratt to recover from this... if he ever does.

[smegdwarf]

But Who Could Love Me? (Rimmer x Reader) - Chapter 16

Warnings: Implied stuff I guess 👀

Summary: Basically giving Rimmer the love he deserves :P

With Lister, Kryten and Cat running round to get things ready for an impromptu celebration party, it allowed you and Rimmer to spend some time alone with no interruptions ...well apart from the odd scutter running into the door by accident.

“I still can’t believe I passed that exam” Rimmer mumbled between kisses as he laid gently over you.

“Well you better believe it officer!” You smiled as your fingertips gently caressed the hair at the back of his neck.

“I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you” Rimmer’s eyes met yours as he leant into kiss you again.

“Hey all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy” You replied as you wrapped your arms round his shoulders.

“And I will be as long I’m with you” Rimmer spoke softly as he fell to your side “Becoming an officer is bonus and I’m grateful ...but all I’ve ever really needed is you”

“Ok who are you? And what have you done with my Arnold?” You teased as he chuckled.

“I am your Arnold!” Rimmer smiled as he draped his arm across your waist, his eyes taking in every detail of you as you laid beside him.

“Oh darling I know” You turned to face him, your noses almost touching “We should probably think about getting ready?”

“But this is a much better way to celebrate!” Rimmer’s voice was soft and sweet as he placed his finger under your chin, leaning in to kiss you “Don’t you think?”

“You know I’d love to stay here” You smiled, your hand on his chest “But we need to get ready”

You grabbed your dressing gown as you got up, aware of Rimmer’s eyes on you as you put it on.

“Enjoying the show?” You smirked as you turned to face him, tying the string around your middle.

“Maybe...” Rimmer smiled sweetly “I can’t help it”

“Do I have to pull you out of that bed?” You raised your eyebrow as he chuckled.

“Alright I’m getting up” Rimmer replied as he clicked his fingers, immediately changing into his uniform “I’m ready”

“You’re not really going in your uniform are you?” You smiled.

“What are you wearing?” Rimmer’s asked.

“Ah you’ll see but first” You smirked “Hol, can you give Rimmer his smart clothes please?”

Within seconds of asking, Rimmer was standing in front of you in his suit, the same suit he wore on your first proper date.

“Do I have to wear this?” Rimmer grumbled.

“Hold on ...take off the jacket” You spoke softly as he did as you asked.

“What are you doing?”

“You’ll see” You smiled as you began rolling the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows “There you go, I made it a bit more smart casual”

Rimmer looked himself up and down, not totally sure what you had done he walked over to the bed to sit down, with his back to you as he sorted out his shoes. Just as you clicked your fingers to change yourself he tried to turn round and sneak a peek.

“Don’t look yet!” You smiled as he grumbled.

“Ooh why not?” He pretended to sulk.

“I’m not ready yet!” You replied, sorting out your hair.

“But all you had to do was click your fingers?” Rimmer was getting impatient.

“It’s not just the outfit you know?” You laughed as he tutted with a shake of his head.

“Can I look yet?” Rimmer asked once more.

“Hold on” You replied as you applied a coat of red to your lips with a pop “Ok now you can look!”

“Finally” Rimmer teased as he turned round, breath catching in his throat as he saw you “You never fail to take my breath away”

“Well you’re a hologram, you don’t...” You came to a stop as Rimmer tugged at your hips.

“You know what I mean” Rimmer spoke quietly, you could tell he was already trying to undress you with his eyes “You look beautiful”

“And you look handsome” You smiled “I know what your eyes are doing!”

“Damn” He chuckled “Was it that obvious?”

“Well as it is you, I’ll let you off” You spoke softly.

“Are you sure we can’t stay here?” Rimmer smirked as you shook your head with a laugh.

“You need to get your hormones sorted!” You replied resting your hands on his chest.

“Are you saying you wouldn’t want to go again?” Rimmer bit his lip as he smiled.

“Something tells me I’m gonna have a lot of fun at this party” You spoke quietly as Rimmer tried to understand what you were hinting at.

“I’m not sure I understand” Rimmer replied as you slowly lowered your hands, stopping at the waist of his trousers “You little tease!”

“Well let’s just say you’re not ruining my lipstick just yet” You gave him a wink before walking to the door.

“That’s not fair?” Rimmer called after you.

“Life’s not fair darling!” You smiled as you walked ahead of him down the corridor “And stop looking at my bum!”

Rimmer laughed as he followed on after you along the corridor, he knew he shouldn’t stare but he honestly couldn’t help it, for as long as he existed he’d never stop watching as you left a room and admiring every single part of you ...no matter how flustered and frustrated in a certain way you might make him. With you, for the first time in his entire existence, he was living.

“Ta-dah” Lister stood with his arms open wide as he presented the officers club that he and Cat had spent the afternoon decking out.

“Hey nice job lads!” You complimented them as they grinned while Rimmer stood beside you dumbstruck trying to take it all in ...that this was for him ...that everyone was being nice to him ...even if it was extremely challenging for some crew members.

“Only the best for our new officer” Lister grinned.

“Hey Lady bud scrubs up good” Cat smiled, sliding over to you as you heard a low grumble from Rimmer.

“Tongues in mouths please, tonight is about Arnie not me” You looked at both Cat and Lister.

“Can we start drinking now?” Cat grumbled, clearly for him it was an excuse for a piss up.

“Hol! Start the music” Lister commanded as music flowed through the room.

“I see Holly dressed up for the occasion too” Rimmer pointed out the floating head on the screen with a bow tie.

“What? And miss out on a good time?” Holly questioned as he started dancing.

“Yes Hol!” Lister cheered him on as he grabbed a can of lager from the table.

“Where’s Krytes?” You noticed the rubber head shaped hole in the room.

“He’ll be here soon” Lister chugged his drink “Come on let’s have fun!”

An hour or so into the party and Rimmer had already resided to a chair as he watched the rest of the crew gradually get more drunk and more dumb ...which for some was impressive.

“Hey what are you doing over here?” You smiled placing your hands on his shoulders.

“I’m just not really a party person” Rimmer smiled back.

“Come on, dance with me?” You asked but you knew the answer “The boys are ...as Lister would say ...nicely drunk ...they won’t make fun of you”

“I’d rather they were absolutely twatted”  Rimmer chuckled as you sat on his lap, wrapping your arms gently round his shoulders “How much have you had to drink?”

“Believe it or not, nothing!” You laughed as Rimmer’s arms rest comfortably at the bottom of your back “You’ve danced with me before?”

“I know but that was just the two of us” Rimmer smiled as you leant in to kiss him “Hello!”

“Hey!” You lingered close as you both looked at each other.

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to ruin your lipstick?” Rimmer kept his voice low enough just for you to hear it.

“Ah that got your interest?” You spoke quietly as Rimmer smiled, looking down at what little space there was left between you.

“You know if you carry on we’ll have to leave?”

“Well we wouldn’t want that now would we?” You replied as you both giggled through kisses.

“Oi Oi, what’s this funny business?” Lister stumbled over bringing the two of you to a halt.

“We’ll continue this later” You whispered in Rimmer’s ear, making sure to cover your mouth with your hand so Lister couldn’t attempt to lip read.

“Whatever it is, you can say it in front of me?” Lister slurred as Rimmer’s cheeks and ears turned pink.

“Where is that bog bot?” Rimmer asked as Kryten came in, trolley rolling in front of him as if he was serving Lister his dinner “What are you doing?”

“I would’ve been here sooner but I was getting this cleaned up for you sir” Kryten rambled as he handed Rimmer a cloth wrapped gift.

“Cleaned up?” Rimmer looked at the cloth bundle in his hand.

“Well open it then?” You smiled sweetly as you stood up from his lap to give him space.

It was then that Rimmer had noticed the music had stopped and that everyone had gathered round him. Slightly overwhelmed he opened the cloth to reveal his new insignia.

“To Rimmer!” Lister raised his glass as everyone grabbed their drinks and followed.

“To Rimmer!” Everyone echoed as Rimmer’s cheeks turned red, he wasn’t used to the attention.

“We might not get on most of the time but we wouldn’t change ya” Lister smiled at Rimmer “Congratulations man!”

“Thanks Listy” Rimmer replied.

“Hey bud, we don’t get on and we probably never will but you’ve already proved me wrong once” Cat grinned, insincere as always “Congrats bud!”

“Thank you ...I think” Rimmer chuckled as everyone laughed, sincere emotional moments like this very rarely happened on the dwarf and nobody really knew how to deal with them.

“Arnie, I’m gonna keep this short and sweet and save the soppy one for later, so Cat and Lister don’t hit me” You smiled as you sat back down on Rimmer’s lap but before you could continue speaking Lister spoke up.

“Let’s get the party rolling again shall we?” Lister cheered as him and Cat went back to drinking themselves goofy.

“Nevermind then” You sighed as Rimmer looked at you a little sad.

“Here Kryten can you look after this for me?” Rimmer handed his new insignia back over to Kryten.

“Of course sir” Kryten replied before scurrying off to put it in a safe place.

“Where were we?” Rimmer smiled at you sweetly as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Congratulations darling!” You spoke softly as you leant in to kiss him “I’m so proud of you!”

“Thank you but you know I couldn’t have done it without you” Rimmer tilted his head slightly to look at you as you caressed his cheek.

“Oh come on, this is the one time everything is about you and you won’t accept it?” You smiled as Rimmer shrugged.

“I’m a changed man?” He chuckled as you laughed.

“No you’re not, the arrogant self centered person was an act, you’ve always been sweet and considerate really” You delicately brushed back his curls.

“Only for you darling!” Rimmer smiled sweetly “I never thought in all my years as a human and 3 million into deep space as a hologram that I would have a beautiful girlfriend or be an officer and here I am with both thanks to you”

“They say the best things are worth waiting for and I think you’ve waited long enough” You replied as he took your hand in his “You deserve it all Arnie, you deserve to be happy”

“As long as I have you I will be” He brought your hand to his lips to place a gentle kiss “I love you darling”

“I love you too” You spoke softly as you leant into his ear “Shall we go?”

Rimmer’s reaction was enough of an answer as he lifted you from his lap before standing up himself, his hands on your waist as he leant down to kiss you.

“Let’s go!” He smiled as you took his hand in yours and walked him out of the room, looking round to make sure nobody saw you.

Giggling and messing around like lovesick teenagers as you made your way down the corridor towards the lift.

“Well get in then!” You smiled as Rimmer raised his eyebrow.

“Ladies first!” He gestured to the lift sarcastically as you gave him a tut and a shake of your head “What?”

“Come on” You smirked as you held his tie in your hand before using it to pull him in the lift with you.

As soon as the doors to the lift shut his hands were on you, tugging at your hips to bring you as close to him as possible, placing your hands on his chest as you kissed. The kisses were soft but passionate as he held you against him, the closer the two of you got to the floor of your quarters the heavier the atmosphere got.

“You could at least try and wait till we get to my quarters?” You teased.

“You know I’m hopeless around you!” Rimmer laughed softly as you reached the door, his hands still glued to your waist as he gently pushed you in, kisses growing more passionate as you reached the bed, feeling the mattress tap the back of your legs as you fell down “I think I might’ve got too carried away”

“What do you mean?” You looked up at him as he looked down at you, his eyes focused on your mouth as he ran his thumb across your bottom lip.

“Your lip is bleeding a little” Rimmer looked at you worried.

“Hey it’s ok, it’s worth it” You smiled as Rimmer laughed before leaning back down and continuing from where you left off.

[joy1579]

RFA (plus saeran) with an MC that leaves when she gets angry (don’t worry they all make up)

so this took me all day but i want to try writing something everyday so here ya’ll go let me know if y’all like it. also i just noticed how often i misspell the names and i ask for mercy i have dyslexia and i really am trying to catch these things.

Jumin

-        You two rarely argued but when you did it tended to bring out EVERYTHING past and present

-        You couldn’t even remember what exactly had sparked the argument

-        Something about not eating, or was it because you had worked yourself to exhaustion two days ago

-        Whatever the reason both of you were angry.

-        You knew he cared about you, knew that behind the anger was fear and love

-        That didn’t make his stern and angry voice more tolerable though

-        Didn’t soften his piercing gaze or ease your own frustration

-        “okay. I’m done fighting Jumin.” You say coldly cutting him off mid-sentence

-        “what” he asked looking for intents and purposes like you had slapped him across the face unexpectedly

-        “I’m done Jumin. I’m not doing this anymore. I’m going for a walk; I’ll be home by dinner.”

-        “your leaving me?” he asked cautiously afraid of the answer

-        “if I were leaving you I would have just left. I wouldn’t have told you I’d be back. I’m just, I’m done fighting.”

-        And with that, you were out the door.

-        3 hours later you hung your coat up in the penthouse entry way and met your husband at the dinner table

-        “I’m sorry” both of you said simultaneously

-        You put your hand up to quiet him as you see the question in his face before he can even ask

-        “I know I can’t just leave like that. It’s not good to just shut down a conversation like that. I just I hate fighting, I hate being angry and arguing. I’d rather simply not do it. You know?”

-        “better than you could imagine my love”

Yoosung

-        “I wasn’t flirting with him!

-        “he was flirting with you though!”

-        “I can’t control what he does yoosung”

-        “you could have walked away!”

-        “I was pay- no you know what. No” you put your hands up and turned to leave the kitchen where you too where arguing as you put away the groceries

-        “wait, we, we were talking” yoosung spluttered as you tugged your coat back on and grabbed your purse

-        “no yoosung you were talking, you were talking if you want you can keep talking, you’ll get just as far in the argument as you would if I were here so go ahead. Me I’m going to go get a drink at the cat café. I’ll call you when I’m on my way back”

-        Then you were gone. Door shut surprisingly gently behind you

-        And yoosung was left alone angry and confused

-        So he did what he always did when he needed to process emotions, he played LOLOL

-        You called on your way home just as you said you would but when he didn’t answer he couldn’t help the sigh that fell from your lips

-        “yoosungie? I’m sorry I bailed on you. You know I don’t deal with frustration well, but that’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have walked out like that. I’m on my home. See you soon puppy.” You mumbled into the phone as you left a voicemail

-        As soon as you walked through the door he was on you with the tightest hug you had ever felt

-        “MC! I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you leave I just I saw the guy at the store and the way he looked at you I guess I kind of freaked out”

-        You couldn’t help yourself, not when he was nuzzling his face into your hair and rubbing your back as he hugged you

-        “puppy!” You cooed pulling back to fluff his hair a bit “I love you” you laughed at the rising blush on his cheeks and kissed his nose

Saeyoung

-        You only fight when seven is closing himself off again. Most of the time when this happens you can usually simply love him through it

-        But every now and then you got frustrated. Frustrated that he still didn’t trust you frustrated that he still thought you were better off without him. After all this time everything you’ve been through he still doesn’t understand how much you love him

-        That what led to this fight. He was shutting you out again

-        “MC seriously I’m trying to work I don’t have tim-“

-        “saeyoung I’m leaving. I’ll be back, I don’t know later I guess I’ll take the routes with cameras so you don’t have to worry”

-        “what? MC you can’t just”

-        “I can. I am. See ya”

-        So you left before he could say anything else.

-        You took the CCTV covered routes and purposefully avoided looking at the cameras.

-        He called you a couple of times and you made sure he saw you see the call on your phone before you decline the call.

-        When you finally calm down you make your way home and find him at his computer.

-        You sit on the floor next to his chair and pull out your phone texting him a quick sorry message and telling him you’ll be right beside him whenever he finishes working.

-        After a while you feel his hand in your hair and you hum contentedly knowing that you two could get through this

-        Just like you had gotten through everything else

Zen

-        He hurt himself. Again. You had warned him that he was pushing himself to hard and he still pushed.

-        Now he was hurt and out of commission for 2 days and you had more work to do than ever.

-        You loved this man really you did, but between the upcoming RFA party, the new fan club coordination position you had taken up, and being his manager you were feeling frustrated and overwhelmed

-        So once he was settled in bed and safe you told him you had to run some errands

-        “ugh you were right jagi I’m sorry”

-        You damn right I was right

-        “listen to me.” You said coldly “I love you, but if you get up from that bed while I’m gone, I will throw the TV through that door and then post that video of you after you met Elly, swollen face and all.”

-        That shut him up fast. Looking at his mouth opening and closing as he looked for something to say almost made you feel bad. Almost.

-        “I’m just, I’m angry right now and I need some time to calm down. I love you but you have to give me a bit. I promise I’ll be back soon” you explained with a sigh.

-        And so here you were sitting on your laptop at local café and posting an update for Zen’s fan club.

-        It had only been 15 minutes but you already felt bad for leaving him alone. So you began to pack up. That was until you noticed a new message on your latest post.

-        The fans wanted to put together a collection for Zen’s injury. That actually gave you a good idea

-        30 minutes and 48 different emails later and you were ready, this would be perfect and you couldn’t wait to get back to your zenny

-        When you got home you were relieved to find zen asleep and not waiting up for you as you worried he might. You kissed his forehead and set to work connecting your laptop to the TV.

-        When he woke up you helped him to the couch and just before you showed him what you and his fans had put together you set of a camera

-        “jagi? What is all this?” he asked laughing a little at all the stuff you had set up

-        “trust me Zenny you’ll love it and so will they. I just know it”

-        You played a compilation of the videos the fans had sent you of them wishing Zen well and telling him how much they loved his work. Video fan mail would definitely lift his spirits.

-        Not to mention posting his reaction would make the fans happy.

Jaehee

-        Cake burned, coffee spilled, cat hair everywhere.

-        day ruined

-        You were dog tired and so done with today when an equally tired and grumpy jaehee stumbles from the cafes back office

-        “MC what, it’s a wreck in here!” she exclaims

-        “really? I hadn’t noticed.” You replied sardonically before sighing “I know I’m working on it right now.”

-        “no it’ll be faster if I do it you just go, go make dinner at home” you could hear the edge in her voice and couldn’t help but respond in kind

-        “You know I’m not the one who let the cat in right?” you almost spat

-        “I didn’t say you did MC.” She sighed rubbing her temples

-        It had all started about 2 hours ago when a child had let in a street cat to get it out of the deluge outside. The ensuing chaos led to shutting early and trying to desperately heard a scared and soaked cat outside into a slowly fading rainstorm.

-        Needless to say that the café you two had worked so hard for was currently in shambles.

-        “fine. Your right. It’s probably faster if you just go it alone.” You muttered before stalking out the door and into the rain.

-        You had only made it half a block before you felt the rain stop

-        But it hadn’t stopped. You looked around only to see jaehee holding an umbrella over your head

-        You couldn’t help the breathless laugh the left you

-        “I guess I wasn’t thinking when I left was I”

-        “I wasn’t thinking when I told you to leave. So we’re even.”

Saeran

-        you knew this wasn’t about you

-        it was about the new councilor, who had mentioned his mother

-        it was about seven doting over him about his medicine

-        it was about everything and everyone smothering him

-        so you told yourself again and again that this screaming wasn’t about you

-        you tried to be understanding and most of the fights ended with the catharsis of a tantrum and the comfort of a gentle hug

-        this was not most times

-        “I should have just left you at mint eye where you belong!”

-        You had worked so hard to support his recovery. You were used to insults, used to frustration

-        But he said this quietly, seething and dark and you were angry.

-        You felt your stare go icy and saw his eyes widen in surprise

-        You didn’t get angry often and he was always surprised when you did

-        “saeran. I’m leaving for a while. I’ll come back when I calm down”

-        “you can’t just leave”

-        “I couldn’t leave at mint eye but I can now” you spat without even looking back at him

-        “you wouldn’t dare!”

-        “I will be back when I calm down” you said slowly before finally walking out the door

-        He was furious, and with no one to point his anger at he paced his room.

-        As his anger faded he felt the all too familiar regret and guilt wash over him as he let himself fall backwards on his bed

-        You had been gone for quite a while and he wondered balefully if this would be the time you didn’t come back to him

-        It had to happen sooner or later after all

-        You had left nearly an hour ago and you could still feel the cold and icy grip of anger on your heart. You really had to do something, anything with this feeling.

-        you yelled. You raged and spat and cursed alone in the middle of the woods. Primal scream therapy, your mother had called it; cathartic your father had said. All you knew was you felt better and Saeran didn’t have to take the brunt of it.

-        When you returned you saw saeran laying on the bed and you cleared you throat as you stood in the door way. He sat up and eyed you in clear surprise

-        “your back” he said simply as though you hadn’t told him you would return.

-        You chided yourself when you remembered all the people in his life that HADNT returned

-        “it’ll take more than a raised voice a few mean words to get rid of me” you said making your way to sit next to him

-        “you just left.” He mumbled not meeting your eye’s

-        “I know. I shouldn’t have done that. I was very angry and I didn’t want to say something I’d regret. Next time I Promise to try to calm down here instead of leaving.”

-        “I don’t like when you leave”

-        “I don’t like leaving”

-        These quiet moments were few and far between, but you cherished them, they meant progress.

[j-elaine-hyde]

In the Nick of time...

Nick Pulos / Reader 💞 Fluff / almost trigger warning but not quite...

It was impossible to miss him. He was a 6’5” mountain of pure attractiveness. He was giant. You tried to act calm and casual around him, but you were worried you weren’t doing a good job of attempting to be nonchalant so he wouldn’t know you were watching him. To be honest you had never seen such a massive man in person before, so it was hard not to gawk. You had found his Instagram during Quarantine and had been able to do some online obsessing, but let’s be honest, seeing him in real life was so much better.

You finished your workout and wiped down the treadmill. Not only had you missed working out but you missed going....well anywhere. And seeing people. Especially him. Quarantine had put you in a funk and you were beyond ready to bounce back to your former self. You realized that three months of not going to the gym and ya know, the constant snacking and general couch potato life style (albeit heroic at the time) had now shown up on your body. You were weaker than you were three months ago. Those gains you worked so hard to get were now long gone. But you knew you’d get there again and be even better than before, it’d just take time.

In the spirit of social distancing you had decided to shower at home. You grabbed your water bottle and your keys and like so many times before, you headed for your car, leaving in your AirPods continuing to listen to music.

Today you’d wish you hadn’t.

You didn’t hear when that creepy guy from the gym came up behind you. Out of nowhere, a random flying shoe smacked your arm. You spun around to see Nick standing there with the creepy guy shoved against the wall. You quickly plucked your AirPods out of your ears.

“Are you ok, Miss?” He asked you as he held this creep in place.

“Yea I’m fine.”

“Why’d you bolt when you saw her leave? Why’d you race out here after her? Were you about to attack her?!” Nick was roaring in this guy’s face.

You were trying to process what happened, in shock that had he not been paying attention things could have gone very differently. He had arrived in the nick of time.

Releasing the terrified creep Nick stood next to you watching the guy scramble to his car and leave. Nick had put the fear in him and told him he never wanted to see his face again. His roaring reminded you of ‘Beauty and the Beast’, you were still a mix of emotions.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” He tilted his head as he looked down at you.

“Thanks to you I’m fine. Just a little stunned.” You shrugged your shoulders and peered up at him, a flame igniting deep inside you as you gazed up at him.

“Sorry, I don’t know if he was just going to shoot his shot and talk to you or worse, but the way he bolted after you I wanted to make sure you were ok.” He rubbed the back of his neck slightly embarrassed at his potential overreaction.

“No... thank you. Honestly. That guy creeps me out. I really appreciate you looking out for me.”

“Uhhh... of course. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t kind of been watching you at the gym... not in a creepy way... I’ve just noticed how hard you work. I was really happy to see you back.”

“You noticed me?!” You were stunned.

He made a face, you were unsure if he was blushing, “Yea... how could I not? You’re gorgeous.”

You spun around, looking behind you, looking around over exaggeratedly. “Me?”

You knew you weren’t a hideous troll, by any means, but you didn’t think he would ever notice you. You were silent as you processed everything.

“I’m sorry...? I didn’t mean to weird you out. Ummm... can I walk you to your car? I wanna know you leave safely.”

“Oh! No! Sorry. I’m not weirded out.... at all. Just...surprised. Definitely flattered. Kind of internally geeking out....” you trailed off. You weren’t really socially awkward, but fantasizing about this man had gotten you through quarantine, thus the reality of what he was saying made you a little awkward.

“Wait what?” He was equally as surprised. If either of you had planned on being smooth, that didn’t seem to be possible.

“Would you wanna go grab something to eat?” You found your moxie.

A wide grin spread across his face. “Yea! That’d be awesome. Oh crap. I’ve gotta run in and grab my stuff. I just kind of ran out. Wanna come with me to go get it and we can go grab a bite?” His eyebrows were raised, his hopeful puppy dog look absolutely melting you.

“Sure!” You shrugged and started waking back to the gym, trying to hide your excitement and failing. You were beaming. You couldn’t hide it.

He had walked you to your car like the chivalrous gentleman he was. You had decided on a local dive bar that Nick swore had the best burgers.

The two of you sat on the bar’s stone paved patio under neon signs and cafe lights. It was surprisingly romantic. Aside from the random outbursts from noisy bar patrons, an assortment of music played quietly over the speakers. It was only the two of you outside.

You had decided to shy away from the typical girly order and chose a burger, fries, and a beer. Nick seemed impressed and ordered the same. You toasted Nick and his heroism with your beer, winking at him as you took a sip.

Hours had passed without either of you knowing, the conversation flowed and clicked effortlessly. The two of you were laughing and smiling, the electric tension building between you.

Nick excused himself to the restroom as the waitress came out with another round.

“Is this a first date?” She asked nonchalantly.

Startled at her candor, “Yes. Kind of. No? I don’t know.”

She laughed a little before looking at you, “I’ve been watching you two all night. You’re both into it. But if you don’t get on it and kiss that giant hunk of man soon, I will.” She cackled again before walking back inside, waving a cocktail napkin in the air. A moment later Nick came back outside.

“Our waitress is a little different....” he laughed as he sat down.

“Why do you say that?” You were worried you had missed something.

“She told me ‘she’s hot! If you don’t kiss her soon I will.’ as I was coming back outside from the restroom.” He shook his head in disbelief, mildly amused.

You shook your head, rolling your eyes, “she told me the same about you.”

His head jerked towards you, eyes wide, he blushed slightly. “I mean... if she’s going to try and make out with both of us... we should probably just go ahead and save her a trip....” he was afraid to look directly at you, bashfully keeping his head down.

You took a deep breath and held it. Swallowing hard you stood up and took a step towards him, placing your hand on his shoulder. He placed his massive hand on the outside of your leg, almost trembling. He gently pulled you closer, down onto his lap.

You were face to face, bashful like teenagers, awkwardly moving in together for your first kiss.

His beard tickled your face, but his warm, strong lips drove you wild. His kiss was intense and passionate. You felt it all the way down to your toes. Had you not been sitting in his lap your knees would have betrayed you. You felt butterflies before his grip on your thigh tightened stirring up something more.

Neither of you noticed the waitress standing there with the check until she muttered, “about time...”

Both of you nervously laughed, ducking your heads awkwardly at being caught.

“We should probably go...” he said softly.

You stood up, as he shifted, taking out his wallet.

“I invited you out, let me pay.” You reached for the check as he swiped it off of the table.

“No way babe. I got this.” He winked at you with a sweet smile.

You grabbed your purse, lowering your face. “Thank you...”

“No! Thank you! I’m just glad you wanted to go out with me.” He blushed again, looking like a nervous boy, despite his giant size.

He stood up and handed the waitress the check and some cash as you walked out to your cars.

“Is it weird if I follow you home to make sure you get there safely?” He asked standing next to you at your car.

“Not at all. I appreciate it.” It was at that moment you contemplated inviting him to your place for a night cap.

“Alright then. Let’s get you home.” He bent down, placing a sweet kiss on your cheek before taking a step back and holding your car door open for you.

You spent the entire drive home bouncing back and forth between asking him to come up and thanking him, sending him home.

You pulled into the parking lot of your apartment complex and sat in your car, still trying to decide what to do. You were so preoccupied trying to decide that you hadn’t noticed him standing next to your car until he opened the car door for you.

You grabbed your purse and climbed out. Standing in front of this massive sweet giant teddy bear.

“Do you wanna come up?” You asked.

To be continued....

[did-he-just-hiss-at-me]

"They'll forget."

warnings: implied suicide attempt(non-specific about who), long with no cut cuz mobile, angst, hurt/comfort

summary: "Remus cackled. 'Don't say that! They're definitely going to try to rescue you, and they'll fall for our trap!' Logan sighed, and his head drooped. 'No.' he said in a hollowed tone. 'They'll forget.'" (not an excerpt)

ships: implied dukeceit(beginning), implied intruloceit(end)

au: super au(my au)

notes: based off this post. sorry if you guys didn't want an au tied to it hgdjfjs. lmk if you want a sequel

-----

(Logan's POV)

Day 1

I woke up with a massive headache, and lacking the ability to see. I couldn't move any part of my body except my head. Where am I? What happened? I questioned internally. I didn't want to alert whoever put me here to the fact that I am awake.

My memory is a foggy mess. I can't remember much. There was... yelling. Or rather, fighting. I wasn't participating in said fight. I don't even think I was allowed to.

Then I was walking home. I remember having my hands in my pockets, staring at the ground. Not caring about the world ahead of me, just below. Maybe a tear or two slipped out, it's hard to remember.

Then I remember someone grabbing me. Pulling me into an alley, and kicking me to the ground. I saw two familiar faces. I got a baseball bat to the face, then darkness.

I coughed, loud. It wasn't intentional, my throat was really dry. How long was I unconscious? It felt like a whole day. Not good for my sleep schedule. Speaking of schedules, I'm worried that my boss has fired me from work by now. He has no patience.

"Hey, L's awake!" a familiar voice called out to another, the sound echoing down the hall. A chill went down my spine, trouble was coming. Footsteps came after the echoing voice. They got louder and louder, fast.

"Heh, You sure that wasn't the other guy?" another voice appeared. It sounded sinister. "Dee, what other guy...? Did you proceed with a kidnapping without me?!" The first voice again. "No no, I'm kidding, Logan's the only one we got right now."

I tried my hardest to appear unconscious, but hearing what was supposedly my name caught me off guard. Logan. That's who I am, right.

It comes back to me now. I am Logan Everton. Natural-born Super with technologic-based abilities. I go by the codename Digit. I am a Super with good intentions.

I remember what happened before I got here. My common allies(though they would refer to us as "friends"), Patton 'Heartbeat' Harper, Roman 'Magma' Aveyard, & Virgil 'Specter' Deckett, were at Roman's place, having a fight. Our team ethic was going awry and it was making everything harder, our successful missions being smaller than our unsuccessful ones.

I had remained quiet most of the conversation, but that's because nobody would let me speak. I'd try to pitch in, steer everyone to a positive outcome, but they'd either yell over me or tell me to stop.

11. I counted. That's how many times I had been shut down. After that, I had enough. I grabbed my backpack, and left without a sound. Nobody called out for me, telling me not to leave, that they would listen to me now. Not at all.

As I shut Roman's front door, I had let out a big sigh. Hands in my pockets, I walked down the sidewalk to my house. It was just a couple blocks away, I would've made it. But back then I didn't care. I started to cry, but I didn't care.

But suddenly I was pulled into an alleyway. I was so caught off guard that I was unable to resist being kicked to the ground and knocked out with a baseball bat. I remember seeing the faces of the two men who grabbed me; Roman's ostracized brother, Remus 'Psycho' Aveyard, and Ethan 'Deceit' Helquist. A common enemy of ours. I now was able to match the voices I just heard to the faces. They got me, and now I'm doomed.

Somebody pulled whatever was over my eyes off my face. Regardless I still tried to look unconscious, but they weren't having it. "Open your eyes Logan, that's not going to work on us." Ethan sneered. I opened my eyes and glared at Ethan. "What do you want from me." I wanted answers.

"Ooh, straightforward now, aren't we nerd? You usually want to know details first, haha!" cackled Remus. "Shut it Rem, this is my turn." snapped Ethan. "We don't want anything from you... yet. For now, you have one, simple purpose... heh..." he chuckled. This could not be good. This guy is a expert manipulator; which is boosted by his powers of deception, hypnosis, and "glamour"(which according to Lo's research, meant you can disguise yourself). Ethan's powers didn't last long, but they were effective.

"I said it once. And I'll say it again." I started to demand. "What. Do. You. Want. What is your plan." I needed to contact the others and let them know what is happening. They wouldn't know otherwise.

Ethan put his hands down on the arms of the chair I was strapped to, his hands just barely touching mine. His face was 1/2 of a foot from mine. "I know your tricks, Lo~. I confiscated your technology, you cannot contact your little 'pals'. Anyways, until your teammates get here, you're just bait. You will lure them here. After all, what will your team be without their smart team member?" Ethan explained with an evil smirk. Right, how did I not realize that? My head still hurts, it's making it hard to think clearly.

"And yet, your plan is still flawed." I dead-panned. "What. Did you. Say?" Ethan growled back, moving his head back a little and grabbing me by my shirt.

"I told you, your plan has a loophole, and it's being exploited right now whether my friends know it or not." "What are you talking about, dork? Our plan is perfect!" Remus cackled once more.

"They're not coming."

Silence settled upon the room. A stunned Ethan gently let go of my shirt, & took a couple steps back. He let out a laugh of disbelief. "You must be joking! Seriously?! Why wouldn't they come for YOU?!"

"Because they don't know I'm missing. And they never will, because they don't want to know." I paused for a moment, tearing up a little. Not enough for them to notice, but it's there. "They don't care about me."

Remus started laughing, killing the sad moment. "HAH, I don't believe that for a second, four-eyes!" His face was filled with disbelief and mania. "You...Your friends need you, why wouldn't they come for you! You're so valuable to them, which is why we chose you in the first place!" he cackled once more.

"Well, you made a poor choice then. Anyone would have been better than me..."

Ethan snapped out of his stunned state. "Don't think that you can fool us so easily, Digit." he glared, putting emphasis on my nickname. "Remus?" he called for the male's attention.

"Yes, Double Dee~?" he responded with a wink.

"I told you, stop calling me that. Now, go get our prisoner food. Probably McDonalds or something."

"Will do, ya snake-charmer!" Remus winked again. Remus ran out.

"Oh, and one more thing, dear prisoner." The words felt like acid on Logan's skin. "They have 7 days to get here. Whether you say they'll come or not, they have a time limit before there's... consequences" Ethan warned, with a hiss at the end. He presented an evil smile before leaving Logan alone in the dark.

---

(No POV)

Day 2

Ethan & Remus returned to their prisoner early that morning, and hung around. Eventually they transferred Logan from being tied to a chair to a window-less bedroom with a locked door. It was actually a nice room to be in. The bed was super comfy, there was a TV with a DVD player(plus many dvds), a table and chair, and a bookshelf. On the table, Remus left him a notepad and pencil to write on if Logan needed anything, as there was enough room under the door to slip paper through. Logan never used it that day though, he just sat around in his room and sulked, knowing how this wasn't going to turn out for his enemies. The only time he got up was for food, which was always fast food. At least they were generous enough to give him nice(ish) things. They could've just gave him a burger and left, But Logan didn't care either way.

Ethan & Remus never stuck around in the room, just checked up on him. But seeing Logan just laying there on the bed filled the two with an emotion they could not identify yet.

---

Day 3

Almost the same as yesterday. Today was a Monday, so surely someone from his job would wonder where Logan went, right? Nope. Ethan kept Logan's phone with him at all times and there were no texts, no calls, not even a message on any social media.

Logan hesitantly got out of bed to do stuff aside from eating meals. None of the movies available were ones he was interested in, so he got Remus to bring him some documentaries, as well as Logan's personal notebook from his bag.

In fact, the little maniac decided to hang around Logan a bit. Some of the documentaries Remus grabbed were unintentionally ones he liked, so he decided to watch them with his prisoner.

Ethan still didn't like Logan. That's what he says, at least.

---

Day 4

Not much happened, just the usual. Except Remus had brought Logan a cookie with his dinner, a nice change.

---

(Ethan's POV)

I was sitting at my kitchen table, just staring out the window. I had my arm supporting my head while I thought about things.

Logan's proving himself right and I don't like it. But I don't get why. I should be upset because my plans are going wrong, but... I'm not.

Suddenly I felt hands covering my eyes. "Guess who~?" a voice asked in a sing-songy tone. I chuckled. "Obviously it's Remus. There's nobody else it could be."

Remus uncovered my eyes and pulled me into a hug, causing me to yelp. "You got me, babe!" he confessed, kissing me on the cheek. "Sorry for the hug, I forgot you don't like large, sudden moments of physical contact." Remus pulled away slowly and apologized, looking a bit embarrassed. Overstepping my boundaries is the only time he ever seems embarrassed.

"It's ok, Rem." I unintentionally sighed. Logan's still on my mind. My expression became a but more sad as I continued to think about the situation.

"Something wrong, Double Dee~?" Remus flirtatiously chuckled. He then noticed my facial expression and his smile fell. "...Seriously. Is everything ok? You usually let this kind of thing slide, Ethan." he queried worriedly. You could see the concern in his eyes. He only uses my full name when he's genuinely troubled.

"No no, it's not that." I reassured with a smile, as I grabbed his hand and held it with both of mine. Then the frown of mine returned right after. "It's Logan."

"Oh... is it because of you-know-what?" he questioned again.

"If "you-know-what" is the fact that his "friends" still haven't come for him? Yeah. It is..." I responded once again. Remus's face said everything. He recognized that Logan had told the truth.

"What's more, they haven't even shown a sign that they're planning to come get him. I tracked their movements across the city, not even a little bit of time was spent doing any sort of planning." I added on. Remus & I looked into each other's eyes. We saw the pain within ourselves. A familar feeling. An experience we remember all too well.

Seconds that felt like hours passed by. We wanted to cry. We were abandoned by those we trusted so dearly. Cast aside, all because of mistakes. Look what it did to us. We know the feelings experience during that time of loneliness. I don't want Logan to feel what we did, and I know Remus agrees.

"He... Logan's just like how we once were."

"Indeed, he is. And we're not going to let it remain like that."

---

(No POV)

Day 5

Remus & Deceit, to Logan's suspicion, made an effort to slowly welcome him. Remus was already doing so but only out of "sheer pity for the nerd". At first, Logan was hesitant. He had a bias against them due to them being villains.

Day 6

But by mid-day Wednesday, Logan had opened up more. He didn't understand it, but he just let it happen. He didn't care anymore. They're probably earning his trust so they can manipulate him against the others later.

Logan just wanted it to be over. During this past week, he had a lot of time to think. Enough time to lose hope in humanity. Nobody was going to rescue him. He was going to be forced to kill those he once loved.

He didn't want to admit it, but Logan was actually looking forward to his revenge. Not towards his kidnappers, no. They've actually shown him more acceptance than he's felt in a long time.

He wanted revenge on his former team.

---

(Logan's POV)

Day 7 - The last day.

Remus returned to check on me right on schedule. We talked a bit, watched a movie, he even brought a few puzzles for us to do.

Ethan, however, did not return until the evening. I had forgotten today was the "deadline" until the sinister man entered the room and dropped his backpack beside the now closed door with a glare towards Remus.

"It's time." he snapped. "Do you want to leave the room, Remus? I do not want to upset you, after all."

Remus gulped. "No... I want to stay. This is important for the three of us." he shook his head.

Important for the three of us? My body stiffened up and I squeezed my lower right arm. That cannot be good. Remus & I were previously sitting on my bed, angled right across from the door. The now terrified man got up and stepped beside his partner, who was now in the middle of the room, a few feet away from me.

"Should I hold him back, to make sure he cooperates...?" Remus questioned worriedly.

"No. You'll scare him." said Ethan as he stared into my eyes, never moving his attention. "But you already are, look at him." Ethan's previously tense stance had instantly loosened, realization dawning on him. Remus was right, I had now realized I was shaking, sweat was dripping down my back.

"Oh... Oh! I-i'm so sorry, Logan. It wasn't my intention." He bent down to my level and apologized. I was still stiffened up, though, and I turned my head away. "I'll let it pass." I finally let out as he waited for my response. His expression became sad.

"Logan, look at me. You need to listen." I hesitated for a second, but then turned to look him in his heterochromatic eyes. He seemed genuine.

"Today marks almost exactly a whole week of your friends not coming to save you. I originally had one plan, which you had no choice." I glared at him, moving back slightly. "But now that it hasn't worked, you have three choices." My eyebrows raised at the sudden proposal. I still remained like a statue, but now i'm truly listening.

"Number one. We let you go free, but... under one condition." Ethan paused for a moment. "You either give up all your technology-period-or, you let us keep track of what you do with any technology you use. We know your powers rely on having a gadget with you, Logan. We can't let you continue being a threat, but we also no longer want to see you hurt. You're a good man, you know." he confessed solemnly.

My expression softened. In the end, I didn't want to give up being a hero. The world needs me. But if this ends up being my best option, then I will agree.

"Option two, our backup plan in case you refuse option 1 & 3. In the situation where you refuse the before mentioned options, we will proceed with our original intentions. We hypnotize you with the intention to use you against your friends. We no longer want to do this to you, but if you refuse to cooperate we will do this." once more, his offer came solemnly.

I tightened up again, prepared to defend myself. I didn't want to know option 3, I just wanted to be as free as I can get. But before I could open my mouth, Remus spoke up.

"Why didn't you save that for last? I thought that would've made a better ending."

"Trust me, this one is a better closer in my opinion, Remus." he sighed.

"Finally, option 3." Ethan took a deep breath. This sounded like nerve wrecking answer for him to say. I wasn't sure whether to care or not. I just remained defensive.

At last, he let it out. "You join us. Leave your troubling life as a hero behind. Get payback for what the world has done to you. Or if you want to remain 'heroic', the three of us can become anti-heroes. Whatever it takes to make you happy." Ethan sounded serious.

Remus chimed in again, to Ethan's frustration. "Don't you want to show those losers how you feel about them now?! Smash their heads in?! Make them regret even wronging you once?!"

"No!" I lied, curling up into a ball on the bed. I didn't know what I want one bit. My morals are split in front of me, forcing me to choose one half and discard the other permanently.

The more serious of the two grabbed me by the shoulders, remaining at my eye level. "Look. I know you're hesitant to leave it all behind. You're used to one path in life. But we want what's best for you in the end. I know that anger is going to fester within you until you can no longer handle it, and end it all because there's nothing you can do about it." In that moment. Remus started shaking, crossing his arms and trying to calm himself. Ethan didn't notice, he was too focused on reassuring me.

"We were exactly like you once. Abandoned, by those we trusted most!" Ethan too, was now breaking down. "Cast away, all because of some mistakes! We had never known better! The problems built up within us, and corrupted us! And all the painful emotions of loneliness and betrayal along the way..." he choked out that last bit with a sob. "We want to help you avoid that part. We've turned out to want to care for you... W-we want-" the manipulator was now crying. Remus came up to him and slowly pulled him into a hug to comfort him, crying too.

"Shh, it's ok, Eth. It's ok, deep breaths." the maniacal one said in a way that seemed out of character for him. As Remus cried too, he rubbed Ethan's back.

I, Logan, have now come to a realization. They're serious. They genuinely care about me. Unlike anyone currently alive and in my life. I decided in that moment that my heart is right. I want what will satisfy my fury.

I got down to the ground with them and grabbed Ethan's hand, squeezing it periodically. "Ethan, listen. I'm here. Do as I say. Breathe in for 4 seconds..." As I began to help calm him down, he followed along. "Hold it for 7 seconds... And now let go for 8, and repeat." After about a minute Ethan was calm.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that side of me. You didn't deserve to know all that." he tried to confess. "Eth-..." Remus began to reassure, but cut himself off.

"I'll do it." I agreed, catching their attention. "I'm going to join you. You're right." I said as I stood up. I was going to say more, but I was stopped by the both of them getting up, and Remus pulling me into a tight hug.

"Don't worry, you'll fit right in with us. Everything will be just fine. We will never forget about you."

And in that moment, I knew they were right.

[authorized-trash]

To Tie a Knot: Chapter 5: Important Meetings in a Coffee Shop Bathroom

Ao3

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four

Content Warnings:

Self harm, self deprecation, making out, stress, emotional turmoil, elusion to character death, (If anything else needs mentioned tell me)

Chapter Summary:

Damian should know better than to walk into coffee shops when he’s the protagonist of a romance fanfiction smh

Word Count:

3,600+

Note: I posted the last chapter on Ao3 a day or two ago, and it got so many comments so fast I was inspired to write another on. So here is nearly 4k words of >:]. Chapter six is halfway done as well, so please, keep the comments up, I’ve never written so much so fast in my life asdf

-

-

By the time noon had come and gone and Logan had left, the others were restless. Patton was stress baking and Roman was practicing his lines a bit louder than normal. Virgil was nowhere to be seen, most likely hiding in their shared room listening to too-loud music.

Patton kneaded dough between his hands, planning on making bread. One would think he would make cookies or something while stressed, but he found the process of homemade bread and the smell of it baking was much better for calming. 

Over the years he had gotten pretty good actually, won a few dumb little neighborhood competitions with his baking. His soulmates all adored his cooking, Roman had stated one of his favorite things to wake up to was the smell of pie or bread.

Patton let his mind wander while he worked, thinking about his new soulmate. He couldn’t help the wave of anticipation and impatience that hit him when he thought about their meeting. He was just so excited! A large smile stretched across his face, and he did a few happy stomps with his feet.

Roman stopped repeating his lines and looked over to him, a soft smile on his face.

“You okay over there, dear? You’re lucky that bread isn’t alive, you’re beating it quite thoroughly,” Roman said with a teasing tone.

Patton looked up at him, blushing a bit at being caught, “Oh! Yeah of course I’m fine! I’m just overwhelmingly giddy, I guess.”

Roman laughed and crossed the room with a few long strides, grabbing Patton around the waist and setting his chin to rest on the other’s head. He gave a kiss to Patton’s scalp, and Patton giggled and swatted playfully at him.

“Ro stop, I’m trying to cook,” Patton whined, placing the kneaded dough into a bread pan. He leaned back into Roman’s hold either way, looking up at him through his eyelashes.

“Sorry Sweetheart, I simply couldn’t resist,” Roman winked, laughing softly. They stood there for a few moments in silence, swaying slightly.

“Do you think they’ll like my bread?” Patton asked quietly.

“What? Of course! If they don’t I will have to fight them,” Roman said dramatically. Patton chuckled.

“No fighting Roman, everyone has their own tastes.”

“If someone’s taste doesn’t like your bread, they’re wrong. Sorry, I don’t make the rules,” Roman spun Patton and gave him a peck to the lips.

The oven beeped a few times behind them, and Patton started to squirm in Roman’s hold.

“Babe, you gotta let me go so I can cook!” Patton said, squealing as Roman held steadfast, unmoving.

“Nuh uh, you are in the Princey Dungeon of snuggles and cuddles, I’m very sorry Padre, but I simply cannot let go unless you pay bail.”

“Which is?”

“Kiss me.”

Patton didn’t protest as he pressed their lips together. Roman hummed and smiled into the kiss, trailing his hands up Patton’s back and threading his fingers into Patton’s hair. After a few long seconds they parted for air, but Roman didn’t seem to want to stop, and at this point neither did Patton.

Before long Patton was up against the counter, kissing back with fervor as Roman picked his legs up and sat him on the counter. Patton made a small noise into the kiss, arms draped around Roman’s shoulders.

Just as Roman was teasing his hand up and under Patton’s shirt, a gagging noise came from the door.

“Eugh, can ya’ll like, not be horny in the kitchen please? I don’t want you contaminating my bread.”

Roman nearly fell to his ass with how fast he jumped off of Patton, and Patton buried his head in his hands and grumbled something under his breath.

Virgil laughed all the way to the kitchen’s island, wheezing and wiping tears from his eyes.

“You two should see your faces, you would think your parent’s just caught you or somethin’. Calm thyselves.”

Patton just stood silently and went to put the bread in the oven.

“Wait, excuse you. Your bread? No, sorry sis, it’s mine,” Roman said as he brushed himself off.

“Oh god, please don’t call me sis, I’m your boyfriend, that’s weird,” Virgil said, moving to sit himself up onto the counter on the other side of the room.

“Oh,” Patton spoke up suddenly, “Roman, I meant to ask, how’s Remus? You haven’t talked about him in awhile.”

Roman’s brother Remus visited them every holiday. It was getting close to thanksgiving at this point, and they were all looking forward to seeing him.

Roman shrugged, “Don’t know, haven’t talked to him in… a little over a month now?”

“How come?” Patton asked.

“Normally I’m not the one who reaches out to talk, I just haven’t thought about it. And since, ya know, I don’t talk to my parents, it’s easy to lose contact for larger periods of time,” Roman explained, slumping into a chair at the kitchen table. Patton nodded in understanding.

They went back to their routines, this time with both Roman and Virgil on their phones while Patton baked a few more things.

Half an hour went by with little words, just a comfortable silence as they all enjoyed the company.

A sharp and hard tug caught their attention.

“Ow, damnit,” Virgil said, shaking his hand roughly as if it were burned. The other two looking down at their hands in confusion, wincing as their yellow strings gave another sharp and painful tug.

“Language,” Patton chided absentmindedly, then, “Do they want something?”

“I don’t think people yank on their strings that hard in order to get someone’s attention, Dearest,” Roman said, flinching as he bent his finger. It was already sore.

“They’re not trying to take the string off or something, right? That’s impossible, they should know that,” Virgil said shakily, curling in on himself and his hoodie.

“It is. Maybe they’re not thinking clearly?” Roman said, trying to offer an explanation.

Patton pouted, 

“I hope they’re okay.”

-

Damian was not okay.

You wouldn’t be able to tell it, though, with the way he was carrying himself.

His strides were confident, and he held his head high. He tipped his hat at the people who walked by and offered polite hellos. He looked like every bit of a man who was sure of himself.

But he was far from it, really.

If you knew him personally and were looking closely, you could see the way he sometimes fidgeted with his jacket sleeves. You’d notice the slight tremble in his hands, or the way he seemed to run his fingers through his hair too many times. He honestly probably had his hat off more than he had it on, lifting it off of his head as much as he was.

Damian was a nervous wreck, but a nervous wreck who was good at hiding it.

His classes that day were ridiculously stressful, and it didn’t help when every other person exclaimed suddenly when they noticed the shadows of his soulstrings. He would wave them off, or excuse himself. Hell, a few times he even made up what his soulmates were like. He wove tales of wonderful people who had swept him off his feet, if only to appease the asker and get them to stop bugging him.

He had watched earlier that day as the indigo string seemed to detach from the others, just barely heading in a different direction. It was a very slow process, meaning they were probably decently far, but it still scared him.

Were they going to work? Coming to find him? Oh god, what if indigo left the other three because he couldn’t deal with another string showing up? What if Damian was the reason why they broke up?

No, Damian thought to himself with a shake of his head, no that was ridiculous. Really, he needed to stop letting his head go off in random directions, the self deprecation was getting old.

Damian walked up the steps of his apartment building, entering with a nod towards the doorman. The man smiled and waved.

“Heya, DJ,” He greeted. 

“Hello, Larry. How’s the wife?”

“Oh you know her, same old. She’s missed you, you know. You should really come over for some tea sometime soon,” Larry said, opening the door for Damian.

“Sure thing, how does Thursday sound?”

“That would be awesome, see you then, Damian.”

Damian smiled to himself as he entered the elevator to his floor. He let out a shuddery breath. Small talk came to him easily, he was never really introverted to be honest, but that didn’t stop it from being taxing on the days when he really didn’t want to have to see people.

As soon as he crossed the threshold to his apartment, he checked the time. 

Okay, it was a little past five in the afternoon, cool. He figured Remy would be up to go somewhere, if he wasn’t already out with Emile.

He shot him a text, which he got an immediate reply on.

Girl course i wanna hang. Ill be there in half hour, see ya hot stuff xoxo

Damian chuckled to himself. Of course Remy would be the kind of person to still unironically use X’s and O’s.

He double tapped the message to like it, and took off for the restroom. He needed to freshen up before he left for the outside world.

He went ahead and re-brushed his teeth, combed his hair, and washed his face. He really needed some moisturizer for his burns, they were getting a little scratchy around the edges, the sensitive skin looking a little red and agitated. 

By the time he was done toweling himself off, his eyes fell from his face in the mirror to the strings tied neatly around his fingers. He had spent most of the day ignoring them, other than the occasional check-in on Indigo’s progress.

He looked at them for a long while, feeling how they moved. He always found it so fascinating, how sometimes they would be pulled tight and sensitive to any slight movement, and how other times they seemed to pool onto the floor in piles of color. He figured it depended on some kind of need or something, it was always when someone’s emotions were high that the strings seemed to tighten, maybe as a way to aid communication.

Damian just figured it was some weird magicky shit, and didn’t let it bother him too much. He had gotten over the trying to explain the strings stage back in middle school, back when it was just him and green.

Nausea and guilt ate at his insides even thinking about the green string. It hung loosely to the fingers on the hand opposite the new strings, its once brilliant earthy color now a faded grey.

It was so pale and sad looking in comparison to the other brighter strings, and Damian couldn’t help but want to cry again. It was such a lovely color, and he was sure they would have been such a lovely person.

He didn’t even have a name to mourn, a funeral to attend to. Only a sad little frayed string to cry pitifully over.

And that brings up another question, why frayed? Damian hadn’t met anyone who had a dead soulmate that had a frayed string. Sure, others had their colors dulled, but the end looked clipped with scissors. Damian’s looked as if someone had pulled it apart with their teeth.

It wasn’t fair, Damian thought. It wasn’t fair that he got all these questions. It wasn’t even a simple, “oh no, my soulmate is dead, I’m doomed to be lonely and soulless.” No, he had to deal with all these mysteries. Why frayed? Why four others? Why add him to an already complete group? Why not someone else? Why had it been a month, when the average wait on the reassigning was a week? Were the other’s even able to love him like they loved each other? Damian wasn’t paired with someone equally as heartbroken and lonely, he was paired with an already complete soulmate relationship. Was he doomed to be an outcast?

Damian didn’t want this, he didn’t ask for this. 

His emotions were all over the place, but he steeled himself, and with an angry huffed, he grabbed his four strings, and yanked.

White hot, dizzying pain lanced up his arm, and he gave a shout. His vision blanked, and a throbbing headache pounded behind his eyes.

His vision cleared after a while, stars and dots still dancing across his eyes. The pain was so bad, it was nearly incapacitating. 

And in a mix of morbid curiosity and the horrible feeling of self loathing, he yanked again, harder.

He stumbled to the ground, sweat beginning to drip from his forehead. His heart was pounding in his ears, and what sounded like a dull roar caused his eardrums to hurt. Every bone in his body ached, and his arm hurt to move.

Well, he thought, guess they were pretty authentic then, at the very least.

He heard a knock at the door and tripped over himself to get up. He dabbed his face with the towel once again, wincing at the pain in his arms.

By the time he left the bathroom, Remy was already standing inside.

“What on earth were you doing in there, you look awful,” Remy asked, before going a bit pale, “You know what? Don’t answer that.”

“Oh shut it,” Damian snapped, taking his hat off the counter and fitting it back into place.

“So, wanna head out to that coffee shop you like downtown?”

Damian shrugged, “Why not.”

“Sweet, let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

Damian sighed but laughed at his friend's antics, following him out the door with a fond shake of his head.

The coffee shop was nice. It was small, cozy, and had a nice arrangement of potted plants scattered about. The barista was kind, and pretty cute. They had a cute grungy-emo thing going on. 

Damian had a thing for emos.

He, like normal, had ordered some black coffee with two creams and a sugar, much to Remy’s dismay. Remy had then proceeded to buy some ridiculously over sweetened drink with a stupid name and two muffins to share, much to Damian’s dismay.

“You have got to stop buying food for me Remy, I’m a grown man, I can pay for myself.”

“I offered. Besides, you need your money for your hobbies.”

“What hobbies?” Damian laughed, smiling despite himself.

“I don’t know, your music. You play the clarinet, right?”

“Flute, actually,” Said Damian, rolling his eyes, “And it’s not a hobby. Band was the only reason I managed to get into college. You know this, why are you asking?”

It was Remy’s turn to roll his eyes, “Small talk, babes.”

Damian was so caught up in their conversation he missed as the indigo string tied to his finger moved at a rate much, much faster than earlier that day.

“Mhmm, small talk about something we are both familiar with?”

“I don’t know, you band nerds seem to like to talk about band, despite making sure it is known that it is hell on earth,” Remy laughed, “Why don’t you, I don’t know, tell one of those ‘this one time at band camp-’ stories, babes?”

“Uh huh, and which one haven’t you heard?” Damian did in fact have a lot of stories, as every band kid tended to, but he was almost certain Remy had heard every one three times. It was obviously his best friend was just trying to cheer him up, and honestly? Damian really appreciated it.

“I don’t know, what about the one time you passed out on field and went to the hospital for a broken rib after being stepped on?” Remy’s grin was shit-eating, and Damian felt his face turn a deep crimson.

“We agreed not to talk about that,” he hissed, attempting to hide his face behind his coffee as he took a sip.

Remy shook his head as he laughed, before standing up.

“I’m heading to the restroom babes, try not to miss me too much.”

Damian sighed and sat back in his chair as Remy left, closing his eyes and smiling to himself. He was enjoying himself, this was nice. Remy was an awesome friend and really helped Damian to forget all about his stupid soulmates.

If all went Damian’s way, he wouldn’t have to deal with soulmates for the rest of the day.

Of course, knowing how fate liked to fuck him over, that isn’t what happened.

-

Logan had had an exhausting day, and he was ready to get it over with. He wanted nothing more than to go home to his soulmates and curl up against them, but he knew he couldn’t. He had been sentenced to sleeping in a cold hotel bed, alone.

The day had started well, with breakfast with his beloveds and a few kisses to his cheek, and a few kisses he returned. He had left with a small smile on his face.

But his good mood had slowly disappeared as the day wore on, as no sign of his other soulmate was to be found. The string slowly started to move more and more as he was sure he was getting closer, but the direction it was in was so vague, he could only hope he was going the right way as he drove.

Honestly, he didn’t know why some machine to find them hadn’t been invented yet. Surely there was some way to get some magnetic something or other to pick up on soulstrings, and then lead you there with a convenient little GPS voice.

But nope, the stupid strings were too stubborn to be beat. Everyone had just accepted them as immovable magic and was done with it.

Everyone including Logan, but he still felt like he was allowed to complain about that fact.

It was a little past six in the evening at this point, and the sky was beginning to darken considerably. Logan could feel his body getting heavier, but wasn’t quite tired enough to stop yet. 

He didn’t think his perception skills were too bad, surely he had a few more hours left in him.

That was probably a bad judgement call, as they were apparently bad enough to not notice how fast the string on his finger moved as he turned the corner into coffee shop parking lot.

He locked his car as he stepped away from it, and entered the building. He took a right to the restroom, wanting to wash his hands before doing anything else, not enjoying the feeling of sweaty driving palms. 

He heard the door behind him open, and looked up to see a man wearing sunglasses (indoors?) walk in.

“‘Sup Babes,” the man said, and Logan lifted an eyebrow in confusion.

“Babes? I’m sorry, do I know you?”

The man laughed, “Nope, you just look like someone who would be fun to piss off by calling them babes. For real though, why are you wearing a necktie in a coffee shop?”

“Plenty of people wear neckties in a coffee shop,” Logan answered, fixing his tie with an affronted look. The other man just laughed, running a hand through his hair.

“The name’s Remy,” The man said, offering his hand to shake. Logan took it, if with a little hesitance and confusion.

“Logan.” Logan responded. Remy nodded, going to turn around and leave, probably deterred from using the restroom in what would now be an awkward situation. He stopped suddenly, eyes going wide from behind his sunglasses.

“You have four soulmates?” He said, looking at the slight shadow cast on the tiled floor.

“Yes,” Logan answered, easily. Remy was not the first one to ask that today. There was the woman at the gas station, and the man walking his dog outside of the Ihop. It was a little disorienting hearing four instead of three, but whatever.

“You here with someone? One of your strings seems to be pointing in a weird direction,” Remy commented, nodding down at the shadow heading straight out the bathroom door. Logan looked down hurriedly, just now noticing the yellow string that was pulled tight.

“I- no I’m not. I’ve actually been looking for our fourth soulmate all day,” Logan didn’t take his eyes off the string, “In fact, it only appeared recently. Me and my other soulmates decided it best to find them as soon as possible.

After a few more minutes of staring wide eyed at his yellow string, he looked up at Remy. He, once again, looked confused at the wide smile that had spread across Remy’s face. The sunglasses clad man grabbed Logan by the hand and tugged him towards the door.

“Come on, there’s someone you need to meet.”

Logan allowed himself to be pulled back into the main part of the coffee shop and led in the direction of a booth in the back. He opened his mouth to protest, but stopped when he caught sight of the man seated at the table.

“Damian, babes, you will not fucking believe who I just ran into,” Remy exclaimed. The man, Damian, turned around to face them.

The two men locked eyes, and Logan felt his heart hammering in his chest, that familiar yet foreign feeling of something clicking into place in his chest was present for the fourth time in his life, and he was almost certain he had never been happier.

Logan was at a loss for words for one of the few times in his life.

“Uhm, hello?”

-

-

Taglist in reblog

[justsassysworld]

Five Demons and a Baby Part 1

Fem!reader x The Conglomerate 

Word count: 1,498

Five Demons and A Baby

Mr. Scarabee, you probably don't remember me, but we met at Mardi Gras. You swept me off my feet, laughing and dancing the night away. We finished the night at my apartment. When I woke up the next morning you were gone, with no words and basically no way of getting a hold of you.

I've written and rewritten this letter more times than I could count in this last week, too many times really. Every time I get ready to send it, I start thinking, He left, he wouldn't care what you have to say. Then another part of me argues, He deserves to know, you can't put this off. I made it all the way to the post office the last time, but the person looked at the address and warned me away. They told me some unbelievable, terrible things about you, and the people you associate with. Things that scare me.

The strange thing is, if they're wrong, I wouldn't worry so much, but if the rumors are true, I know I'll need your help, our baby will need your help.

God, writing that, even knowing I might not even send this letter, sets my nerves on end. Maybe the stories set my imagination off, but I've been having strange dreams ever since that night.

Sorry, I'm rambling. The important thing for you to know is that I'm pregnant, and it's yours.

Curled up on your couch, you second guess yourself, again and again. It's been almost a week since you finally sent it. It must've shown up by now and you find yourself constantly rationalizing, refusing to admit it might not have been the right thing. The book in your hand and the silence of your home do little to quell the voices in your head.

      Sudden banging at your door has you jumping and letting out a startled shriek. Before you even have time to think, it explodes inward, making you jerk to your feet. Your eyes search for whoever, or whatever, forced it open, but find nothing. Your chest heaves as his energy rolls into the room.

His well polished, black leather shoes catch your eye first. Trailing up his body, your gaze takes in his expertly tailored suit, his tattooed fingers grasping his cane, the beautiful gold paisley detailing on his jacket, green scruff at his jaw, firm and set lips, and finally it settles on his glowing eyes, one green and one purple.

A feral grin lifts his lips as he purrs, “Evening, chaton.”

Shadows rise around him, twisting, rolling, reaching. For you.

Wanting to take a step back, you feel yourself topple, feet caught by something. With a squeak, you brace for impact, but quick as a whip, he clasps your wrist, jerking you back up and into his chest. Gasping, you look to your feet, to avoid his gaze and to see what tripped you, but what you see makes no sense.

Your feet are encased in darkness.

Soft yet firm fingers dance across your jaw, lifting your eyes back to his. His other hand snakes down to your belly, resting just over your belly button.

“Is it true?” he whispers, voice thick with some unknown emotion.

Biting your lip, you nod, voice failing you.

Drawing in a deep breath, his grip firms. The air grows thick as he bites out a sharp command and your home is suddenly filled with strange men. In the blink of an eye, you watch in shocked horror as they start to pack up your apartment. Far faster than should be humanly possible, you find yourself in an empty room, alone with a man who, while being the father of your unborn child, is a stranger.

Fury has you remembering how to use your voice. “What the hell? What the fuck are they doing?”

You try to jerk out of his embrace, but before you can his fingers are twined in your hair, pulling you close, well, closer.

He dips his head to rest it against yours.

“Cher, cher, cher,” he breathes against your ear, sending a shiver through you. “I've got many enemies out there, people just waitin' to find some chink in my armor, and here ya are.”

Your lips tremble as his breath fans against them.

“I tried protectin' ya, leavin', but it won't be no time before they find ya now, and you were right.”

Confused, you ask, “About what?”

“You need me to keep ya safe, both from my enemies and our bebe,” pulling back, he searches your eyes, the intensity searing through you. “It ain't common for my kind to have children, at least not ones they stick around for, so I've got a lot of research ahead of me.”

“Oh,” you squeak out, shocked by the power of his emotion. It's almost enough to make you forget his underhanded tactics.

You try to move away again, but when he just holds you tighter, you resign yourself to tell him off from right there in his arms. Taking a deep breath, you look deep into his eyes, and go off.

“I know you're some big, bad ass, boss type man, but that doesn't mean you can just sweep in and take over my life. It might not be much, but this apartment is my home, and I have no reason to leave it. The only reason I sent you the letter is that you deserve to know about your child, it had nothing to do with wanting anything from you. If I need anything, or something comes up, I'll let you know, but until that happens, kindly have your goons bring back my stuff and get the hell out.”

You feel the growl before you hear it and just as you recognize the mistake, you find your back pressed against the wall, body caged. His eyes glow, both with fury and literally.

Fear has you frozen. What the fuck are you doing? you ask yourself. You've heard the stories, you know just how dangerous the man in front of you is, and stupidly you antagonized him. One night, one incredibly hot, satisfying night, and you felt far more comfortable around a relative stranger than you should have.

The evil grin that slowly stretches across his face is equal parts terrifying and, much to your shame, arousing.

His breath tickles your lips as he mumbles, “Oh, chaton, chaton, chaton, while I love this fire, you need to remember just who you are dealing with. I can be a very understandin' man, but only as long as you remember that I am a very dominant man, and while the only pain you feel at my hand you will beg for, I will take care of the both of you. Which means you will listen to me.”

As you open your mouth to say...something, his lips meet yours, commanding, domineering, drawing a response. While it starts hard and rough, the kiss softens as you do. Melting against him, your hands skim his body, one wrapping around his neck, the other grips his shoulder. His growling chuckle sizzles on your lips, drawing you deeper into his embrace. Everything he does calls to you in a way nothing ever has before. His teeth scrape against your tongue, your lips. Moans and gasps pour from you as you're helpless to stop them.

Time has no meaning; seconds, minutes, hours, what're those? All you need to know in this moment is the feel of his hands against your stomach, against your neck, how his body cradles and presses you against the wall.

Overwhelmed, needing air, you turn your face away, breathing deep. Not deterred, he trails kisses down your jaw, nibbles your neck, biting down where your shoulder meets it.

“Scarabee,” you gasp, making him growl and grind against you.

Just as his hand moves to your chest, a deep chuckle sounds from behind him. Your eyes snap open and you find Scarabee's back to you, blocking out the intruder.

“What the hell are you doing here, Zhuk?” he grinds out, fury evident in his voice.

Another chuckle sounds from the new man. “My friend, did you really think you could leave the way you did and no one would follow? You have been distracted lately and we have been concerned. Of course we were curious as to where you were going.”

Your brows furrow. “We?” you squeak out before you can stop yourself.

The laughter that fills the room comes from multiple sources and your curiosity has you stepping out from behind Scarabee before you can stop yourself. You find yourself trapped by four sets of eyes.

They all look shockingly similar, and yet completely different, a shocking mix of kind and sever, curious and indifferent.

“Scarabee,” you manage to squeak out, “who're your friends?”

Before you can get your answer, you see a flash and everything goes dark.

[cerberus253]

Is there a chance to become Drago's girlfriend, if, for example, you are just a sweet, most ordinary girl? Not a villain or anything like that. Maybe she is a master of extreme sports to get his attention. Or it could be a punk girl from the friends of Ice's team. But if she's just ... in high school? It is very difficult for me to imagine how, under the conditions of the events of the series, Drago can meet a girl, become interested in her, it is enough to know her as a person and fall in love.

Oh so like me?? XD (except that I’m 21 and straight outta a 2-year college)

The main qualities that one primarily needs are patience and understanding. If you have some sort of mental disorder or physical disability, one would also need to, more-or-less, understand and accept thyself as well, for you cannot help someone else without working on yourself first, at least to reasonable degrees. I say this because Drago WILL be a piece of work that WILL wear-and-tear the s/o down often with just how much mental and emotional work that the relationship will take; that’s just what happens with incredibly broken people, sadly. With that being said, one also needs to know when to put their foot down and not be stepped all over. Not only would Drago be personally impressed that you have a backbone, but it is also needed to help him through his problems, knowing how stubborn he is. So, if this “ordinary girl“ has these qualities, including the “sweet[ness]” you’ve stated, a romantic relationship is most likely possible.

With meeting, I want to say the most likely scenario would eventually be through the Ice Crew because, well, they are humans full and through, while Drago isn’t and has no interest in getting to know people on a personal level. I’m not saying the situation of the person going up to Drago directly and initially, saying ‘Hi‘ or the vice versa isn’t possible, it’s just highly unlikely and would only happen under very specific circumstances. Anyway, meeting the Ice Crew first would be the most plausible. How that introduction starts is up to the fanfic writer, but again, it should follow the listed characteristics of the individual that I’ve laid out, not some OOC crap-- but I also have to state you can do what you want! My words are not a Bible to follow; these are just my own thoughts and opinions!

Moving forward, I say “eventually through the Ice Crew“ because you’d have to have at least someone in the whole four group (this includes Drago) to encourage you to hang out with them. It is possible to always be going to the junkyard while no one really cares that you’re there, but that doesn’t feel good, does it? Like, of course Drago would rather not have you around, but include the Crew in that? Yeah, that’d be pretty debilitating to one’s psyche. However, if you want to do the story that way, go ahead; I ain’t stoppin ya. But I also have to add, what else is the individual going to do? Just sit in the background, eating popcorn, watching them like entertainment, like a weirdo? I mean, sure, but that’s not going to get you anywhere. What I’m trying to get here is you need something else to do aside from following Drago around like a mosquito, and the only other activity is either hanging out with the Crew in their off time, or go along a completely different route and just work in the junkyard or something. Ya need another reason to be at the junkyard often than just (trying to) hanging out with Drago because he’s going to use all his power to make you stay away since you’re technically not helping him with his endeavors; so, do a junkyard job, junkyard diving, hanging out with the Crew, or whatever because Drago would have little reason to argue with you at that point. “He could still try and scare you off, though.“ I don’t think he’d want to waste his time with scaring off one measly human, ya know, as long as they’re not THAT annoying. (”Whatcha doin’ whatcha doin’ whatcha doin’ whatcha doin’????” “GrrrRRRR! SHUT! UP!”)

Aaaaaanyway, doing whatever other activity one is doing at the junkyard, and occasionally expressing the desire to interact with Drago, as well as acting upon said desires, would be the better vantage point. So, if Drago tells you to go away and threatens you if you don’t, you can walk away like he requested, but still have a reason to be there in the premise. A lot of times to people your mere presence is enough to make someone happy (or at least keep you on their mind), whether you’re interacting with them or not. “Wouldn’t Drago want you to go far away, like away and out of the junkyard?“ Yeah, probably, but you can argue that you still need to do your primary activity, which doesn’t actually involved Drago to begin with. So, you’ll just step away from HIM, and by staying in the premise, it gives you (and him) and second chance to interact with one another sooner or later.

A lot of this occasional interaction, maybe increasing if Drago seems to tolerate you more and more, you could get on his good side, but be warned he will not admit he likes your presence because originally he really wouldn’t want you here if you have no use to him and his goal. But wait, making him happy IS something useful, right? Yeah, and he, deep down inside, knows it, but will deny it because he isn’t suppose to like humans to begin with. This is the point where Drago will start to become frustrated with his different desires and need, ones for his human half and ones for hi demon half, which I believe I have discussed before. You could also label this as your first Trial and Tribulation(s) with your patience, understanding, and kindness, for he will get more irritable and mean than usual. These events will also take a VERY long time to get through; he needs to be encouraged that it’s okay to be different, but still given a lot of time to digest that hard-to-swallow-pill fact. As a bonus, when these events do begin, you have the Ice Crew to talk to! They may not care about Drago at all, but they do care about you as a friend, so they can tell you what they know AND step in if Drago wants to physically harm you at any time. Befriending the Ice Crew first has many perks and very little downsides ;) At least, the Ice Crew inside my head does...

Gifts like edible treats, badass jackets, and (my favorites) getting decent food and making tents and decent beds for them (so they don’t have to sleep on hard tires and gross-old car seats) would always be great. Like, I personally like to think about making breakfast for them; the Crew would be like “Hell yeah!“ and Drago would be like “... I’m not thanking you, but I am hungry“ and then just sits by himself to eat because fuck you guys, he doesn’t have feelings (b-baka...).

I also want to say do not be afraid to express your enjoyment of Drago. Even when he’s in a sour mood, try not be reluctant to be around him. Yes, there is a good chance something will get physical in the bad way, but the point is you’re trying to show him you genuinely like him and want to help even if it’s not in the way he admittedly wants. It’s okay to be afraid of him, but not letting that fear get the best of you and going up to be nice to him will show him that not everyone hates him for being what he is and his negative aspects. Of course, like I’ve said, don’t let him walk all over you, so you don’t have to be kind ALL THE TIME, but you need to be able to discern when to be passive and when to be aggressive. It’s good to have a lot of the former, because compassion is what he needs, but too much of the later makes him harbor permanent resentment; resentment in general will happen, but it would/should be temporary. Like, ya know when one character says something critical to another, and it pisses that second character off, and they think about it a lot, but then they actually learn from it and that critical statement ends up being helpful to them? Yeah, that’s what I mean by “temporary resentment.“ Permanent resentment would lead to a relationship not too different than the one with his Dad.

A lot of the time you will need to be taking the initiative when doing activities, from talking to Drago all the way to suggesting hanging out outside of just normal junkyard stuff. It’s going to be a lot of work, but I feel like if done right, the payoff will be worth it. Drago will definitely be the territorial and controlling type, but by God will he love you; he would probably aggressively SMOTHER you that you will have no idea if it’s actually obsession or actual love feelings XD That may sound OOC of him, but... I dunno, I feel like he can learn to love and be scary flustered by/with it.

“Her heart was a secret garden and the walls were very high.“ - William Goldman, The Princess Bride

But, like, “Drago’s heart was a buried garden, the ground suffocating the very little life left, and the walls were very high and heavy.“

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Thirty, “Close Calls”

All chapters can be found here! 

Inspiration tag for the story! 

I recently completed a character survey from Becky’s POV that you should check out! 

Warning! This story contains mentions of: cancer, vomiting, chemotherapy process, and brief mentions of blood.

                                       Sneaky peeeeeeeek!

I want to tell him, but I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to put into words that I’m breaking more and more every day. The paradox of being happy and sad that I’m here with my dad for his next round of chemotherapy. And I sure as hell don’t know how to put into words to Harry that his one in a million hugs could fix everything, if only for a little bit.

But I can’t, and I don’t try to put the feelings into words. I sit there and cry inside of my car until I can’t anymore. And until I find enough strength to sit up and leave, knowing that I won’t call him back.

Snowflakes flutter in front of my eyes, painting the world white. Cars zoom past on the streets down below, the size of my fingernail. Yeah, it sure looks like the first of February out there, the thought sounds inside of me. The festivities of Christmas are long over as a new year has begun. Thinking of what comes next leads to a disorganized mess behind my eyes. I try to rid my thoughts of it with a hard blink, but instead it brings something else forth. 

February 1st. 

It’s Harry’s birthday today. 

He’s 29. Shit. 

Flipping my phone over in my lap, my thumbs get working fast. But once that empty conversation is in front of my eyes, I stall. Before I chicken out, words appear on the screen quickly. 

I read them over and wonder how they sound. Or, more like, how they would sound to him. Do they sound too personal? Do they not sound personal enough? Or am I worrying too much and it’ll just blend into all of the other birthday texts he’s sure to receive? 

“I think if you stare at that thing any harder your eyes are gonna pop out of your skull, Ree.”

I raise my head to find the voice who said that. My dad. He smiles tiredly at me a few steps away. I laugh, realizing he’s right. 

“What’s got your attention so peaked anyways?” he asks. His eyes framed with exhaustion stay for only a second. They return to the Arsenal football match playing on the telly. 

“Um, just trying to write a text to somebody. But I don’t know if it’s good enough.”

“Don’t think about it so much, sweetie. I mean it, you’re probably thinking too hard about it,” he comments, scratching at the blue wool hat covering his head.

Sometimes I still expect to see the IV tubing dangling from his skinny arm. Like all of the other times at the beginning. Patches of faded red cover the insides of his arms from them now. You wouldn’t notice their small marks, but I know they’re there. The seconds of relief from their absence is whisked away when he tugs at his shirt. The moving of the material reveals the tubing leading to the port in his chest. The one I forget has been there for months when his shirt covers it. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” I tell him, and go ahead and hit Send. 

Hi. I’ve been thinking of you. I hope you’re doing alright. Just remembered it was your birthday. Wow 29, huh? Damn you really are getting old, you geezer. You better hurry and claim your senior discount now. No, but really I hope you’re having a good day, Harry. Enjoy your day. Have some drinks and do something for yourself, something you enjoy. I hope 29 is a fantastic year for you. Hopefully you’re not as run down yet as Chandler is. 

I tap Send again, watching the clip from F.R.I.E.N.D.S go with the text marked by a heart. A smile pulls up my cheeks, thinking of the scene. 

The three guys are sitting on the sofa in Central Perk and Chandler talks about not being 21 anymore. He’s 29 now and just wants to relax and go to bed at his bedtime, according to him.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” my dad comments, bringing my eyes back to him. A small smile pinches his sallow cheeks. I nod, thinking of those words, but in a different way. If only that could be said about everything.

Setting my phone down, I try to watch the match with him. I’m glad it’s taking his mind off of the poison coursing through his veins. But I’m distracted by the anxious excitement of waiting to hear a ding from my phone. 

Point after point is scored and it doesn’t come. And I try not to be disappointed, but I think I’m getting rather good at being disappointed lately.

+

The last words of a Katy Perry song trickle from the speakers as I put the car in park. A soft glow pours out the living room window, waiting for me. 

6:13 pm, the digital clock reads. 

I let my head fall back to the head rest. The events of today and their emotions flood my thoughts. As well as the things I still need to do tonight. Bring in the groceries. Put them away. Make dinner, even though he’ll eat 5 bites that he’ll throw up. Sweep and mop the kitchen. Disinfect surfaces. Find time to vacuum when he isn’t sleeping. Change his bedsheets. Do la-

Brrrrrrrrrrring!

Brrrrrrrrrrring!

The incessant words forming inside of my head cease. Looking over to the passenger seat, my phone buzzes face down. I pick up and answer it without looking. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, Becks,” a refreshing voice answers. It almost removes the heavy words inside of me, but not quite. 

“Hi, Harry. How was your birthday?” I answer, peering down at my lap. 

“It was pretty fantastic, thank you. ‘m sorry I didn’ get t’ yer text yestaday. Tha’s why ‘m callin’, an’ ‘cause I got yer gift. I love it, it was so nice o’ you! I don’ have this Fleetwood record yet, so thank ya very much. ‘s in incredible condition, too! Hope ya didn’ have t’ pay too much. I know how pricey original records can be,” his syrupy voice utters with extra sugar today. It fills me with comfort, but he also picked the worst time to call. Although, maybe it would help to get out of my head for a few minutes. If I can.

“Yeah, you’re welcome. I’m glad you liked it. I uh, wasn’t sure if you had it or not,” I reply slowly, unsure of what to say. I find it hard trying to pick out words from my head as so many others are whirring around. Playing with the zipper on my coat, I wait for his reply. 

“I can’ wait t’ listen t’ it. There’s not a scratch on it, ‘s unbelievable. I got sum drinks with sum mates last night afta work, so tha’s why I forgot t’ text back. Had lots o’ fun tho’, an’ ate sum good food,” he narrates for me in an animated voice.

I nod at his words, wishing that would suffice. But I have to talk, even though yesterday I would’ve jumped at the chance to hear his voice. Well, I still would today. Just minus the jumping part. 

“Good,” is all I say, amidst the lump building in my throat. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to breathe. But it doesn’t help, it never does. “I’m glad you had a good time,” I somehow manage. Cursing myself, I know he heard my voice crack at the end. Because so did I.

“Becks-.”

“I’m glad you had a good birthday with friends. It did sound fun. Um I’m sorry, but can I call you back? I was just going to run into a shop quick,” I cut him off, the lie knitting together fast. 

“Ya sure, an’ thanks. ‘ll talk t’ ya later, Becks. Drive safe,” he replies, something amiss in his voice. But I can’t listen any further than that, or else the guilt will make the tears come sooner. 

“Thanks, Harry. I will, and happy birthday,” I finish, not giving him a chance to reply before I hang up. 

Because the tears already arrived at my last word. And he sounded so happy, and I couldn’t ruin it. Over the course of the few texts we’ve sent back and forth in the last month, it was the happiest he’s sounded. And I didn’t want to share my dark cloud, and reveal that I’m in the lowest of my lows. Another side of me selfishly wanted him to notice, almost begged him to. And that part is disappointed that he didn’t, but the other part knows that I can’t expect that. Or at least it tries to. 

It’s going to take everything inside of me. To lift my head from the steering wheel and walk back into that house. And to do yesterday and the day before, all over again. Dole out the meds and write them down. Clean up the vomit. Cook the meals. Clean and clean. Endure watching the pain and suffering I can’t do a damned thing about. And on top of it all, try to deal with my own pain and suffering. Not to forget, the schoolwork. 

I want to tell him, but I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to put into words that I’m breaking more and more every day. Or the paradox of being happy and sad that I’m here with my dad for his next round of chemotherapy. And I sure as hell don’t know how to put into words to Harry that his one in a million hugs could fix everything, if only for a little bit. 

But I can’t, and I don’t try to put the feelings into words. I sit there and cry inside of my car until I can’t anymore. And until I find enough strength to sit up and leave, knowing that I won’t call him back. 

+

“Hey, Becky. Could you do me a favor, love?” 

The pictures of puppies I was looking at suddenly feels illegal. Closing my laptop, I look up and find Sophie standing in front of me. I still think for a split second that she’s the mom from The Princess Diaries when I look at her, even after a year of working here. 

“Y-yeah yeah. What do you need, Sophie?” I ask, trying to sit up straight, for once.

“Could you run this down to the post room for me, please? I need it sent out today, and I have a video conference in a minute. I’d wait on it, but I know they pickup the post in about 20. I won’t make it since my video conference is an hour long,” she says, her lips lined in scarlet grimacing. She tugs at the end of her corkscrew brown curls, a nervous habit of hers. “I hate to be one of those bosses that makes you do stupid stuff, but-.”

“Don’t mention it, Soph. A little walk would be nice, anyways,” I insist, taking the large white envelope from her. She thanks me with a smile and a handful of ‘thank yous’ before leaving. 

Standing up, I feel my joints wake back up with a few cracks. I smooth down my maroon blouse over my black dress pants. A shiver tickles my spine, and I decide to slide on my zip up black Columbia. The last thing I do before leaving is to grab my steel water bottle to fill up. 

“Be right back,” I let the girls know at the front desk. They nod with a smile before resuming their hushed conversation. 

My pointed flats hardly make a noise on the tiled floor. It’s hard to look for a noise with the wind whipping around the snow outside. Just looking out the windows lining the hallway makes me feel cold, colder than it should be in March. And regret choosing these shoes this morning. I reach a corner and take a left, thinking back to when I first started and always got lost. I pass a handful of people on my way, familiar and not, and we exchange smiles or nods. I pass the doors for Human Resources, and wave at a friend. A gruff bailiff passes without either, but he was a little too scary looking to make eye contact with anyways. 

I reach another corner, knowing the post room is only two turns away now. I take a right, but a few steps in, I hear voices. And laughing. My feet stop at the sound, and I turn around. The large doors to Courtroom 5 are down the hallway behind me. A clump of people stand across them talking, leaning against the wall under a clock. One of the laughs stands out to me from the others, like a musician can recognize a note. I can only see the backs of heads of those facing away from me. They shield the others from my view. My head goes from side to side with dismissal as I turn back around. But I don’t get very far, because I hear something they say. 

A name. 

It’s like it takes control of my limbs, and again I’m spinning around. I make it just in time to watch a figure break away from the group. Smiling and shaking hands, a laugh tickling their lips. And walk over to the drinking fountain. It’s Rose, one of the lawyers from Harry’s firm. Hmm, I think silently before walking away for real this time. 

I soon find another water fountain and I decide to fill up. Luckily almost all of the ones I come across here have the nifty water bottle attachment. It was always a pain any place I’d go trying to fill it up directly from the spout. With the thick envelope under my arm, I screw the cap back on. Slipping my finger through the little handle at the top, I take off. But once again, I don’t get very far. Because this time I almost run into somebody. 

“Sorry,” I automatically say before even taking a look at the person. But I don’t need to look when their voice tells me what I’m looking for. 

“‘s alr- Wait, ‘s that you, Becks? Well hi, love,” Harry coos, his words catching. 

“What, I don’t get an ‘it’s alright’ just because I’m not a stranger?” I joke, looking into his brilliant green eyes. 

The skin around his eyes crinkles as amusement paints his face. Nodding, his growing curls dance a little on his head. “Yeah, I guess ‘s alright ya almost plowed me ova,” he jokes, his straight white teeth showing behind his happy lips. 

Scratching at the back of his neck, his navy blazer pulls to the side. I see more of the cream button down underneath decorated with small navy polka dots. 

“Hey, I could say the same thing about you,” I argue, trying to calm the happiness budding on my lips. But my control doesn’t last very long. 

Harry replies with a breathy laugh, dropping his hand. “Oh hush, you. Now, what’re ya doin’ here, love? I hope yer not here fer a hearing,” he asks, swinging the leather messenger bag to his side. Probably heavy from his files and laptop, from the look of its bulging seams. 

“I uh, work here,” I tell him slowly, my words escaping me. My fingers wrap around and lift the sleek card resting on my chest. 

His moss green eyes fall to the lanyard hanging around my neck holding the access card bearing my face and name. I receive my answer when his expressive eyebrows shoot to the sky in surprise. “Here? Really, doin’ wha’?” he questions.

“Um, I do some clerk stuff back in admin,” I reply, watching his expression relax into a content smile. 

“Tha’s great, Becks. That’ll look really good on yer resume when ya graduate. Good fer you, ‘m proud o’ you, darlin’,” he comments, patting my arm. I hardly know what to say with everything jumping around in my head all of a sudden. The arm pat. The beaming pride coating his features. The part where he said he’s proud of me, for the second time now. Okay, chill out, Becky. You can’t lose it, not yet. “An’ ya like it here? Are ya learnin’ more ‘bout law?”

“Yeah, I really like it. I work with a small group of people, and we get along really well. I mean there’s always that one coworker you don’t like, but what can you do?” I try to laugh, but I’m afraid it sounds fake. It’s okay though, because his laugh covers the doubt I hear in mine. And the nerves. “And I am learning, too. My boss is really great and I think she uses me being in law school to her advantage. It’s a match made in heaven, I guess.”

“Good, ‘m glad t’ hear that. ‘m happy t’ hear well, that yer happy,” Harry tells me with a smile framing his words. But when I look at it a second too long, I see the sadness in it. Suddenly, I regret my words, and how they sounded like he wasn’t a good boss. Or that I didn’t like it at his firm. But he doesn’t let me get too far into my thoughts, luckily. “How’s yer dad doin’? I haven’t heard from ya lately, but I undastand yer prolly real busy.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” I apologize, looking away with warming cheeks. But his automatic ‘’s okay’ and squeeze to my arm makes me look back at him. “Things have been pretty crazy with classes and being there for my dad. He started chemo again the beginning of last month, since they didn’t get all of the tumor, like they hoped they would. But I guess most people still do it to ensure it’s gone, or something like that. I can’t remember.”

“Stop, ‘s okay,” he says firmly, his eyebrows raising a tick. “How’s he handlin’ tha chemo? ‘ve heard that stuff’s pretty shitty.”

“Yeah, it is. It makes him really sick. It’s hard because sometimes he has to wait to do an infusion of it, because some levels of his are too low. Or they want him to be at a certain weight, even though the chemo makes him lose weight,” I explain, the words coming out effortlessly. “It’s hard to see him like this, and to still be a student and an employee during all of it. But my professors and boss have been really understanding and lenient.”

I bite back the tears, hoping they won’t fall without my permission. But one breaks loose from the gate as I stare at the floor. My flats are separated from his brown leather chelsea boots. Then after a blink they no longer are. I don’t make the decision to look up, but it’s made for me when I feel his thumb wiping the tear away. Peering into his gleaming green eyes always seems to make time stop. A warm smile places dimples in his cheeks, and does something to me. Like it always does. 

“‘s okay. I can’t imagine how hard ‘s been fer ya, Becks. Why didn’ ya ring me? I woulda listened,” Harry asks me, his hand regretfully belonging to himself again. But there isn’t annoyance or anger in his voice. There’s emotions from the other side of the spectrum heard there. Like regret and sadness, and others I can’t fathom right this second. 

“I wanted to, but I didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. Plus, I hate to be a Debbie Downer,” I confess, admiring the length of his dark eyelashes when they tickle his skin. 

“Yer notta Debbie Downa, Becks, whateva tha bloody hell that ‘s,” he insists. A hint of his giggle meets my ears when I look at him weird due to that revelation. “Ya can call me anytime, ‘kay? Whether ‘s happy or sad, ‘d wanna hear ‘bout it.”

I nod at his words, savoring the sound of his voice. And what it said. His minty breath strokes my cheek as he’s close enough to touch. The words get lost in my throat as his familiar smell wafts over me, catching me off guard. “Thank you,” I mumble thoughtfully, seeing his head move in answer. 

“What’re ya takin’ this semesta fer yer LLB tha’s so tough? I mean, I know all tha courses can be, but ‘m curious. Ya must be onto tha heavier courses by now, ‘s that right?” 

“Well, I’m still catching up to where I should be as a kind of sophomore. Because they changed the degree around since I’ve been gone, so that’s kinda why I took Crim later than usual. But right now I’m taking Banking Law, Family Law, and Environmental Law,” I answer, watching my words register with him. He nods at certain parts, his brow knitted together as he pays attention to me, like there’s nobody else in the entire room. 

“Ugh, those don’ sound any fun. I rememba takin’ those, or what were tha equivalent t’ ‘em when I was in uni. They’re tha ratha borin’ ones, an’ Family’s sad, too,” he comments, a look of disgust playing with his features. It’s amusing, but I get away with not letting it show on my face. Reaching to scratch his chin, I notice the stubble there. And the pops of color on his fingernails. Both fitting, I must say.

“Yeah they’re super boring. I’m surprised you even remember them, seeing as you’re 29 and everything,” I joke, earning a well deserved eye roll from him. But he can’t get rid of the grin showing on his raspberry lips. “Hey, I like your nails. It looks like you did a pretty good job, better than I could even,” I laugh and it grows harder when he holds them out for me to see. A wine red and turquoise blue decorate his fingers. But what gets me is that he puckers his lips, modeling like Zoolander. 

“Thanks,” Harry titters, looking down at them. “Me little niece picked out tha colors an’ helped me paint ‘em tha otha night. But I think they’re growin’ on me. Already chippin’ tho they are, whatta shame.”

You let your niece paint your nails? 

Wait, you’re an uncle? 

Okay, the thought of you with tiny children is not helping things. 

“You sound like a fun uncle.”

“Ya, I hope so. Harper says I am anyways, which ‘s quite tha compliment. Also, stop callin’ me old. 29 isn’t old,” Harry whines, sticking his bottom lip out at me. 

“Oh stop it, you baby,” I giggle, and soon his joins mine. For a couple of seconds, we’re just looking at each other laughing and things couldn’t be better. But I’ve learned that good things can never last, and soon enough we’re interrupted by a voice. 

“Harry, are you coming?” Rose says from across the hallway, a ‘hello’ to me following. The sweet sound coming from his lips soon fades as he looks over to her and nods. Pushing his sleeve back to look at his watch, he clucks his tongue. 

“‘m afraid I can’ talk any longa, Becks. ‘m sorry. Rose an’ I are workin’ togetha onna case. It starts in half an hour, an’ we gotta go ova sum things befo’ it all starts,” he explains regretfully. I nod, acknowledging his words. And try as I might, I can’t get rid of the disappointment growing heavy in my gut. 

“Yeah o-of course, don’t let me keep you. Good luck, Harry, knock ‘em dead,” I wish him with a small, but sad, smile. 

A hint of one inches up his cheeks before he says, “Yer not keepin’ me, I dunno why ya always say that. I enjoy talkin’ t’ ya. ‘s nice t’ catch up again,” Harry tells me. As if in slow motion, I watch him take another step closer to me with outstretched arms. I follow suit and soon find myself in one of his hugs. “Ya ring me if ya need anythin’, ya hear me? Even just t’ talk. Maybe we could get coffee or tacos sumtime.”

The moment in his arms doesn’t last long enough, although I’m sure any amount of time wouldn’t be enough for me. Soon, I’m leaving the safety of his arms and again, I’m alone. “Of course. Thanks, Harry.”

“Welcome. Tell yer dad an’ Robbie ‘m thinkin’ of ‘em,” Harry rasps, and I just nod. “An’ take care, Becks. Good luck in yer courses, I know ya’ll do well.”

Happiness seeps through the sudden sadness with his kindness, and I muster a smile. And another thank you. 

“Have a good day, love,” is the last thing he says, before he turns to walk towards Rose who waits for him. 

“You too,” I mumble, watching him walk away. 

Bittersweetness lines my thoughts, wondering if the sadness is worth getting to see him. And that hug. God, that fucking hug. They do fix everything that’s wrong, if only for a couple of seconds. It makes me wonder how much happier I’d be if I could have one of those every day, as a respite from the chaos of life. But that would only be in the case of if I was his-. 

Yeah, I’m not going there again, I tell myself. And with that, I finally continue my journey to the post room, unsure of how I’ll be able to top that. 

For the rest of day. 

Week. 

Maybe even, month. 

+

The butter melts on my tongue and next the pillowy bread does too. I close my eyes and smile at the taste. Like home. Opening them again, my eyes flit over the half dozen crock pots and several other plates. Frowning, I can’t stop thinking about the meatballs, the macaroni and cheese, the sugar cookie fruit pizza, and the homemade bread. 

But with a longing sigh, I walk away and leave the break room. Excited coworkers of mine pass me on the way to the food. My desk eyes me from across the room, but I ignore it. Soon, I find myself in the hallway. Twenty minutes left of my break after scarfing down the monthly potluck meal. It only gets better each month, and makes me wish it was weekly. The last bite of airy bread passes my lips. I wipe my hands on the napkin and toss it in a bin. The new storm delivers snow outside of the hallway-long windows. Although they’re frosted from the chill, I can still just make out the falling flakes. 

My thoughts of snow are whisked away by the shuffling of feet. And hurried voices. It takes me a moment to figure out where I’ve gone off too. Soon, I realize I’m back by Courtroom 5. And that the people are bustling inside the doors to sit in the gallery. And watch. The sleeve of my zip up glides over my watch, revealing the time to be one o’clock. Quickly, thoughts come together like puzzle pieces in my head. 

My break is over at 1:30. 

It’s Friday, so it’s not like I really have anything important to do when I get back. 

Sophie has been bothering me for ages to go and learn from the teachers I have just down the hall. 

So she won’t mind. 

And the only teacher that I can think I want to learn from is in there right now. 

About to argue a case that appears to be available to the public. 

I don’t remember telling my feet to move, but suddenly I’m behind an older man. And the scene in front of me changes drastically. It fills me with nervous excitement at the sight of the judicial panel, the jury box, and the witness stand. But I don’t have time to gawk, because the chatter around me is quieting down. I quickly find a seat towards the back of the seating in the gallery. 

Silence follows the clanging of the doors shutting. Within a few seconds, everybody rises when the judge enters. But the rest of the room - the jury made up of all kinds of faces, the bailiff, court reporter etc. - melt away when I see that head of curly hair. I’d know it was him if we were in a crowd of people, but any doubt I had from afar is washed away when he speaks. 

Harry and Rose take turns delivering their opening statement. They’re defending their client, the plaintiff, who from the sounds of it, was harassed by the defendant. It kills me to watch the opening statements unfold, even if all I can see is the back of the girl’s head. The hush over the courtroom is chilling, and goosebumps grow on my arms at the sound of Harry’s tone. His professional voice that I’ve yet to really hear before. Because although I worked for him, I was only his assistant. I never got to tag along to trials, or hear much about them. Yes, I did some of the dirty work for them, but I only saw the outside. I heard about how good or bad it was going, and then was dealt with the good news or bad news of the verdict. No more than that. 

It’s awe inspiring to witness him arguing the case firsthand. The way he uses his hands to speak, or the times when his voice does all the speaking he needs to. His eloquent choice of words drills the emotion home, and is accented by the expression on his face. It’s often neutral, but at times, I watch him struggle to hide the effects of the words playing on his face. I find myself having a hard time doing the same when he returns to sit next to the plaintiff, patting her on the back during difficult moments. Unbeknownst to me, the defending lawyer may have been practicing for two years or twenty. But their skill wanes next to Harry’s, even though he’s been practicing for less than ten years. I can’t stand to watch the discrepancies and weaknesses in his arguments. Luckily, my break is over and I don’t care to waste my time watching Mr. Bow Tie over here. 

I quietly leave a few minutes into his opening statement, hoping one day I can evoke as much emotion as Harry with my words. And hide from my face all of the ones that I’m feeling inside. Walking back to my department, a smile curls the edges of my lips. But then it falls, because I realize the mistake I made. 

I just fell a little bit harder. Again. 

+

“I’m gonna bring the dishes down,” I mumble, watching him nod at me. 

The wooden steps creak with my weight as I juggle the tray of barely touched food. A bowl of chicken noodle soup. A piece of toast. And apple slices with peanut butter. 

Options, options, options. 

The plastic tray hits the counter with a hard slap, and an accentuated huff. I bend down and grab tupperware from the drawers. As I pour the soup into a container, the slam of a door upstairs makes me jump. My thoughts fly to the soup spilled all over the counter, but they stop when I hear another noise. Besides the tv in the living room, it’s the only other one I hear. It pulls my feet out of the kitchen and through the living room until I’m at the stairs. I take the steps two at a time until I’m at the top. The terrible sound carries down the hallway, leading me to the bathroom door. 

I nervously rap my knuckles against the door. 

“I’m fine,” my dad says from the other side, coughing. 

“Dad, they said if it gets bad-.”

“It’s not bad yet,” he interrupts. There’s a pause when he blows his nose. “Please, Ree, I just want to be home. I hate having to go there.”

“I know, dad,” I reply, sighing when I hear him start to vomit again. 

Walking away, I give him privacy. And my ears a break from one of my newest least favorite sounds. My fingers drift to my back pocket, sure of their actions before I am. Exhaling, I take a seat on one of the stairs.  

It rings and it rings. 

“Come on, pick up,” I mutter, bouncing my leg. 

Kneading my temple, I listen to it continue to ring. And ring. Finally, it stops. But I’m not greeted by the sound I want to hear. Instead I hear their voicemail, making me groan. I listen to the old recording I’ve heard time and time again, but this time I just want it to go away. So I can hear the instructions, and that final beep.

“Hey, it’s me. J-just call me back when you get this, please,” I say quickly, the words running from my lips. Alongside the tears. 

Dropping my phone onto my lap face down, my head falls in my hands. Noises surround me. Those of everyday life bustling around me. The sound of the laundry machine whirring downstairs. The hum of the tv. And the ones I try to ignore coming from the door behind me. The sound of the crying. And the vomiting. 

I can’t keep my hands still. They go to rake through my hair. To cover my face. To play with my fingers. To make fists. I even try to sit on them, and it doesn’t help. And I can’t stop bouncing my legs, as my nerves jitter from the thoughts.

 The worries.

The uncertainty. 

It feels like an hour before I hear my twinkling ringtone. But when I see the time on my phone, it’s only been eleven minutes. I barely take the time to look at who’s calling before I answer it. 

Clearing my throat, I say a shaky ‘hello.’

“Hey, I got yer message. ‘m sorry I didn’ answer, I was inna late meetin’, but I can talk now. ‘s everythin’ okay, Becks? Ya don’ sound so good, love,” he inquires. His caramely voice is the first comfort I’ve felt all day. My respite from this mayhem. 

“No, I’’ll um, let you go. I don’t want to interrupt your meeting. I can call later,” I insist, guilt weaving its way into my words. 

“No, yer okay, Becks. I stepped out. It wasn’t anythin’ important, anyways. I can have Myles tell me later. Now, wha’s goin’ on?” he tells me, but it doesn’t revoke all of the guilt consuming me. I grimace at the pain from my chapped lips when they smash together, salty tears flowing over their cracks. “Becks, talk t’ me, please. Yer not a botha, not ever. Please tell me wha’s wrong.”

“Harry,” I begin, not capable of any other words. Because that one has been constant in my head for the last twenty minutes. Ever since it started. It’s the one I’ve been holding in, and not been able to say, until now. 

“‘m here, Becks,” he says. Never did I think three words could be so comforting. And at the same time, hurt so much. Because they’re true, and then they’re not. I want them to be true so badly I feel it in my veins. 

“M-my dad . . . he won’t stop throwing up and I don’t know what to do. He had chemo yesterday, b-but it went fine. And then we had dinner tonight, and he hardly had three bites, before he got sick. It’s been like that all day,” I confess, leaning against the staircase railing. Letting it hold me there, because nobody else can. Because I can’t do it for myself anymore. “This happens sometimes with the chemo, b-but . . . . . it was getting better recently. I think I should bring him in like they said, but that means staying the night in the hospital. Again. I’m just so tired, Harry, I want all of this to be over already. I want him to be okay, and I want to feel what it’s like to be okay again.” I can’t get out another word, because the tears consume them. And the anxiety. And the exhaustion. My head falls to my knees and the hand cupping my mouth slides away. 

“I think ya should bring ‘im in, Becks. ‘Specially if they said so. Don’ want ‘im t’ get dehydrated, that certainly won’ help things,” Harry murmurs, his voice quiet and controlled. “I know ya don’ wanna be there ‘gain, ‘specially twice in tha last two days. But he needs their help . . ‘s there anybody who can come an’ be with you? Maybe that aunt o’ yers who was at tha hospital that night? Robbie, or Skye? But I s’pose they’re 3 hours away in London . . . ,” Harry sighs, his words trailing off into the air. For some reason I nod, glad to hear that my reasoning for not wanting to ask them to come is valid. 

“Yeah, it’s just me here. That’s how it’s been. Robbie and I switch off . . . But my dad doesn’t want me to bring him in, he hates going there. Being poked by them and everything. But he hasn’t been able to keep anything down all day,” I cry, the tears soaking the knees of my ripped jeans. 

“Ya hafta bring ‘im in, Becks. What if ‘s sumthin’ else, like tha stomach flu or sumthin’ worse? He needs t’ be able t’ eat an’ drink in order t’ get betta,” he urges, and finally I decide to listen. 

Nodding at his words and the truth they hold, my lips part, “I know, you’re right. I-I’ll bring him in. T-thanks, Harry, for answering your phone.”

Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, I sit up slowly. “Course, Becks. ‘m sorry I was a li’l busy when ya first rang . . . Um drive safe, ‘kay? Maybe bring yer laptop t’ do schoolwork or even jus’ t’ watch Netflix. Sumthin’ t’ distract yerself - a book, or headphones fer music.” His suggestions meet my ears, but they go through one and out the other. They’re not the kind of distraction I want, I think selfishly, but the kind I want, I can’t have. Because it’s you. 

“Yeah, I’ll bring something. Thanks, Harry. Have a good night,” I say in almost a whisper, exhaustion stealing my words. 

“Yer welcome, Becks. Lemme know what happens, ‘kay?”

I mutter an ‘mmmmhmm’ before hanging up, and trudging up the stairs. Listening for the sound again is hard, because I don’t know what I want to hear. Part of me doesn’t want to hear the vomiting, but the other part oddly does. Because if it stopped then he’ll try to convince me that we don’t have to go in. But I hope it hasn’t, because there’s something at the back of my head telling me we have to. Making me think we need to, because something’s wrong. And I know that if he’s stopped, he’ll tell me that there’s no reason to go in. 

My gray striped socks stop on the hardwood floor in front of the door. I knock before I can convince myself to wait. “Dad?” 

No answer. 

“Dad, I’m bringing you to the hospital. Something’s not right, I just know it. You need to be looked at, and they can help,” I plead from the other side of the slab of wood. A sigh meets my ears and the shuffling of a body. 

“Okay,” he relents. I push the door open and am met with his tear-stained face. 

Trying to ignore the smell I’m by now used to, I wet a washcloth at the sink. Returning to his side, I bend down and wipe his face with it. And then his mouth. Tossing it in the laundry bin, I wash my hands. Watching him as I do so, his frail figure is slumped against the closed toilet. Embarrassment blanketing him like a sheet. 

“It’ll be okay,” I try to tell him. But as I watch his barely there nod, I’m not sure if I believe it either. “Let’s get you downstairs to the car,” I say, drying my hands. 

It takes us awhile, to stand up together. To get down the stairs, one step at a time. To slip on his coat. To grab my things. And to drive to the hospital as he threw up into a bucket beside me. But we got there, and the worst part still awaits us. 

It pains me to leave his side, but I can’t handle watching them stick him with needles. Or the blood. Not after everything that’s happened in the last 7 months. Combing my hair out of my eyes, I begin my walk down the hallway. Yet another one. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey,” I respond to the voice I could pick out of a crowd. I try to prepare my words, but I’m not sure what to say. I’m so tired. “I’m at the hospital with dad. Everything is okay. But he hasn’t been able to keep anything down all day, he’s been throwing up off and on. And after dinner, it got worse. They’re taking some blood now to run it for labs. I’ll let you know what I hear.”

“Shitttt,” Robbie replies, holding out the last syllable. Just like our dad. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Ree. I’m surprised he let you take him in, but thanks for doing that. Yeah, I guess all you can do is wait until they have the tests back. Hopefully you two can go home soon,” he says quietly in a tone the polar opposite of the one he answered with. 

I echo his words with a ‘me too’ before there’s nothing else to be said. And I let him go. I call Skye too to tell her, and because I can’t go back yet. I just need some time. She talks my ear off, but I’m grateful for it. She tells me about work, her newest boyfriend, the weather, and a show we’re watching together. 

After I finally get away from her jabber mouth, almost half an hour has passed. I find my way back to his room in the Emergency wing. As I walk in, he shoots a tired smile at me. One I can barely make out amongst the dark room. 

“Early bedtime?” I ask, sitting down on the edge of his bed. He nods, barely able to keep his eyes open. 

“Yeah. They did all their tests, and said it would take a little while, so fluids, anti-nausea meds, and naptime it is.”

“Good,” I respond, wrapping my fingers around his. Squeezing them, his dusty lips offer a laugh. Or the closest thing to one. He tries to squeeze back, but I barely feel it. It’s nothing compared to when he’d nearly break my fingers giving my hand a squeeze. Somehow his hands look older than the rest of him as I look. His skin wrinkles among his bulging veins, liver spots, and freckles. 

“You should too, baby girl,” he replies, surprising me. My eyes return to his face where he’s opened his eyes to look at me. “You look exhausted too. Get some sleep, I know it’s been a lot taking care of me for this long.”

“Dad,” I begin, an argument forming in my voice. But I don’t get any further than that.

“You know it’s true, and you’ve been doing a fantastic job. Don’t let yourself think any different,” he insists, the area above his eyes raising. But it doesn’t have the same effect with his dark eyebrows absent from his expression. A whimper escapes my lips as tears obscure my vision. Lifting our joined hands, he brushes the back of his hand over my cheek. “Come here, my baby.”

It confuses me when his clean scent doesn’t surround me. But it’s there in a hint when I bury my face into his neck. His right arm pulls me against him, and I cry into him. It’s one of the only times I can remember doing this since this all started. I want to stay strong in front of him, but sometimes it’s too hard. I feel a warmth on my forehead, and my lips break into a smile at his trademark forehead kiss. “Get some sleep, sweetie. They’ll wake us with the results if they need to,” he tells me. I nod into him, feeling him scooch over for me to lay more comfortably beside him. 

+

My words are taken away with a whooshing sound just as a ding meets my ears. A bubble appears at the top of my phone screen. With widening eyes, I hold down the bottom button for volume on the side of my phone. Peeking across the room, I exhale watching his chest lift and fall with every breath, his snoring greeting the air. My attention returns to the dings coming from my phone. I read the first one. 

Me - a few minutes ago

Tests came back positive for some type of bacterial infection in his digestive tract. Starting antibiotics now. Keeping him overnight and until further notice for observation because infections can be scary with weak immune systems like his.  

Harry

thx for the update. glad 2 hear it isnt anything 2 serious. its a good thing u brought him in when u did becks. thinking of u and him. 

Me

Thanks so much, Harry. I’m glad I did too. Looks like I’m sleeping on the couch again, yay!

Harry

get some zzzz’s love. might be a long nite. dont forget 2 eat. 

Me

Goodnight 

+

My eyes don’t want to believe the clock when the growling of my stomach wakes me. Shuffling into the hallway rubbing my eyes, I swear under my breath. 

“No fucking way it’s only 11 o’clock. Why can’t it be 8 am or something?” I groan, trudging down the quiet halls of the oncology wing. But I’m glad for the quiet compared to the craziness of the E.R. earlier. 

Dropping my hand, I’m welcomed once again by the stinging fluorescent lights. And the packaged foods waiting for me behind the glass. Pulling my wallet from my back pocket, I scan the many choices. Hmmm, salted nut roll for once, hostess cakes, sour patch kids, hard pretzels, jelly beans, or Cheez-Its? I wonder to myself, blinking the sleep from my eyes. 

Another ding meets my ears. But when I lift my phone to my face, there isn’t a new text popping up on my screen. There are some, but they’re from an hour ago or longer. Weird, I think, staring at the screen and reading the words. 

There’s a cough as somebody clears their throat. “We’ve gotta stop meetin’ like dis,” they almost laugh, making me turn my head without a choice.