#RICHARD IS *THE* POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW TO END ALL POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOWS

[baycitystygian]

y’all I am going absolutely feral. I’ve been glued to this one show lately and it’s a 90’s sitcom called Caroline In The City and it’s driving me crazy. I love it. I love the characters (except Charlie but he doesn’t get a super huge amount of screen time so like. whatever) and the main ship is just so fucking GOOD and the writers are dragging this out so bad. literally giving me ship blueballs and I hate thisssssssss just let them be happy already 😭

[clockwayswrites]

Like Betta Fish Do- Final Part

WC: 3359, Masterpost

“The response to the article has been great— better even than we had predicted,” Tim informed the various family members as he joined them at the breakfast table, tablet in hand.

Jason glanced up from his porridge to look his little brother over. The eye bags were a little dark, but not to the point of concerning yet, at least not on Tim. Still… “You weren’t up all night running numbers, were you?”

“I slept, I just woke up early.” Tim said defensively. “Besides, it’s best to get data like this when it’s new. It allows me to compare the first reaction to the long term response and see if there are any shifts.”

“Good data gathering is important,” Jazz agreed, “but so is taking care of yourself.”

She set the bowl of porridge that she had just finished adding toppings to in front of Tim and blatantly stuck a spoon in his hand. Tim blinked down at the food for a moment before shrugging and taking a bite. Cass, smiling in amusement, handed Jazz a fresh bowl.

“Best news is,” Tim continued after he had swallowed, “that everyone thinks Danny is, and I quote, a ‘Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure’. I mean, that’s not really a new opinion, but the new article really cemented it.”

“I don’t know how to take that,” Danny said after a pause.

“I mean, I’d just be glad to not be a poor little meow meow,” Duke said as he leaned over to look at Tim’s screen.

“The big change,” Tim continued and tilted his screen for Duke to see better, “is that public opinion of Jason has recovered. It was always solid in Gotham, we get it here, but outside of Gotham people were really having some issues with how quickly Jason pressed the button. Danny going on record to say that he asked Jason to press it— that he knew that’s what he was saying— has made a real difference.”

That was good news, but something about the way that Tim was presenting it made Jason tense and he had to purposefully relax his grip around his spoon. “What’s the bad news?”

Tim glanced over at Jason for a moment before looking back down at his tablet. The way he chewed on his lip pretty much assured there was bad news.

“Tim,” Jason pleaded. He got they were all trying to protect them while Danny was still recovering, but he needed to know, “just tell me. I’d rather hear it here from you than out there on the street.”

“There’s a small, and I mean really small, group that claims we made Danny say those things,” Tim explained with a grimace. “It got dug up that Danny’s on a Wayne Inventors’ Scholarship. They’re saying that we threatened to pull the scholarship if he didn’t clear Jason.”

Maybe it was best just to set the spoon down before he bent it in half.

“We don’t publish those names,” Bruce commented, a heavy frown in place as he joined the breakfast table, own tablet in hand.

Tim nodded. “I know.”

“I’ll look into who at the school may have leaked that information.”

“I mean, it could have just been a classmate?” Danny pointed out. “It’s not like I’ve gone around shouting it to the heavens or anything, but, like, I haven’t kept it a secret how I ended up suddenly mid degree in the program.”

“It could have been,” Bruce acquiesced, “but it still bears looking into. Even if nothing comes of it, reminding the school of how they’re bound by FERPA hardly hurts, not with you returning to classes in a week.”

“Yeah that’s going to be… yeah,” Danny said with a sigh.

Jason leaned over to wrap his arm around Danny’s shoulder and brush a kiss against his temple.

“I’ve got to leave in a few days too,” Jazz said apologetically.

Danny nodded and leaned further into Jason. “You’ll be careful?”

“I will.”

“She will also have assistance in that matter,” Alfred said. The clink of the fresh plate of hot cross buns was a firm period on his declaration.

“That’s a sweet thought,” Jazz managed after a moment, “but I do live in a different state.”

“That is hardly an issue, Miss Jasmine. Master Richard will accompany you for the first week to simply make sure that everything is both secure and calm. When he is certain you will be well, he can make his way back easily enough,” Alfred explained. When Jazz opened her mouth to protest, Alfred held up a staying hand. “Miss Jasmine, I assure you it is not a hardship. You are family now and we very much look after our family. It would do all of us well to know that you are safe and sound.”

“Yes, family now,” Cass agreed as she made a grabbing motion at the plate until Tim passed her one of the buns.

“I, well…” A faint blush spread across Jazz’s cheeks. “I guess if it wouldn’t be a problem? And if you’re okay sleeping on the couch, Dick? We’ve only got one actual bedroom in the place, we use the other as an office for us both.”

“Hey, a couch isn’t the worst place I’ve slept by a long run,” Dick chirped. “But if you’re feeling guilty, I’ll taking getting to pick the tunes on the drive.”

“Don’t do it,” Jason said, an attempt to save Jazz that hell. “Seriously, not worth giving him that power. His music tastes are atrocious.”

Dick pouted. “They’re fabulous.”

“No, Jason’s right on this one,” Tim said.

“If Drake is agreeing with Todd, I am afraid that one has to accept there is some truth in the statement,” Damian interjected.

“Baby bat, no,” Dick whined.

From the look he aimed Dick, Damian was unmoved by the plea. “While you have a great many skills, Grayson—”

“Thank you.”

“—your taste in music, fashion, and other matters of culture is not one of those skills.”

“I’m wounded. You wounded me Damian, my baby bat, so cruel… so callous,” Dick said as he basically melted down into his chair.

“Keep up such antics and you will have a true wound to worry about, Grayson,” Damian said with a sniff.

Jason chuckled. “Ah, it’s not breakfast at the Manor without a threat of violence.”

Duke leaned around Tim to look at Jazz. “You still have time to run, Jazz, you don’t have to be part of this family. You can still get out.”

“Hum, I don’t know. Give me a Creep Stick—”

Multiple people looked at Danny and mouthed ‘creep stick?’.

“—and I think I can manage. Besides, none of the food has come back to life yet so it’s a better breakfast than I had most of my childhood.”

In the following silence, Bruce very carefully set his tablet down and folded his hands on top of it. “Food that came back to life?”

“Lab safety was just sort of an ignored suggestion in our childhood home,” Danny said.

“They kept samples in the fridge,” Jazz continued. “It sometimes had… unexpected results.”

“I don’t know, I think after the tenth time the hotdogs come ‘alive’ it’s an expected result,” Danny argued dryly.

“Good heavens,” Alfred declared softly. “And… the Dr. Fentons did nothing?”

Danny just shrugged. “I ate at school or out with my friends a lot.”

“No wonder you’re so pint sized,” Dick cooed.

“Hey!”

“You are, fish. Just a little guppy,” Jason teased. When Danny grumbled, Jason only pulled him closer.

“It really was just the way things were,” Jazz said, apparently still trying to soothe the table. “We know it’s not normal now, but that was just life at the time. It almost made more sense when there were actual ghosts around haunting Amity Park— and I don’t just mean Danny.”

“Boo.”

“Oh, yeah! You still haven’t shown us your ghost form,” Steph pointed out.

“But only if you’re up for it, dude, like… physically and emotionally,” Duke cut in quickly. “You don’t have to show us if you don’t want to.”

“Oh, I don’t mind. I mean, it was strange showing Jason the first time— showing someone who knew me as Danny first,” Danny said, “but, like, there are times when I want to be in that form. I even get restless if I go too long without changing over.”

“Or sometimes he just needs something off the top shel-oof,” Jason winced as Danny elbowed him hard. “Hey, I’m just speaking the truth here.”

“You’re the one who used me instead of a step stool to hang cameras,” Danny said with a perfectly sweet smile. “But anyways, yeah, it’s no issue to show you all! You might want to cover your eyes though, it’s a bit bright.”

“Bright?” Dick asked, right as Danny transformed.

It served him right if he was left blinking away spots.

“Oh wow, your lights are totally different like this,” Duke said, leaning forward to peer at Danny.

Danny peered back. “Lights?”

“Oh, sorry, I’m a meta, I see… like, after images of stuff, kinda You’re all sorts of wild like this,” Duke said, waving a hand at Danny.

“And inverted,” Tim pointed out.

“Oh, yeah, it seems to be a thing with halfas? Like, I was wearing a white with black hazmat suit when I died and the inverted version was what my ghost form was in for ages. I’ve learned to make changes to it since, but it’s easier to stay close to that original form.”

“Easier, how?” Bruce asked. He was clearly brimming with questions now that Danny was talking about ghostly matters, but he was obviously trying not to ask everything at once.

Tim didn’t seem much better in his eagerness.

“Oh, hum, there’s this resistance? Think of it like trying to pull apart two things that have been glued together. If you have the right solvent or heat or tools you can do it, but you have to have that and you still risk damage if you don’t go carefully. So small changes are easier. Also what um, role I’m in changes things.”

“Fascinating,” Bruce murmured.

“Wait, hold up,” Dick interrupted before Bruce could ask a follow up. “If you’re a halfa and Jason is a halfa, does this mean that Jason has a ghost form too?”

Jason had to resist pushing his chair back as all eyes spun to him. Sure this was his family, but that single minded Bat focus was still intimidating.

Cass tilted her head. “Like Duke said, only if up for it.”

“It’s just, I haven’t… transformed yet,” Jason said. He tried for a casual shrug and felt like he had missed by a mile. “We had to wait for my core and everything to form first.”

“But you could transform now?” Tim asked curiously.

Jason glanced at Danny.

“I think you could,” Danny said. He was floating a little above his chair now. Casually, as if it was odd, he crossed his legs and leaned forward onto them. “Your core is strong. You aren’t having the power issues I did, but you aren’t trying to go through this when a teen either. Question mostly is if you’re ready to try.”

Did he want to try?

Jason didn’t know. Part of him wanted to. Part of him wanted to be able to experience this aspect of being that Danny experienced— to experience it with Danny. Another part of Jason was still afraid. It still felt like the final period on everything that had happened with the Joker all of those years ago.

But maybe it was time to put that period on it.

Maybe it was time to let go.

Maybe it was time to live.

“I’d… I’d like to try.” At least if the worst happened he’d have his family here with him. One of them would be able to talk him down from a panic if he came back as Robin.

“After breakfast, Master Jason,” Alfred said firmly.

“Yes Alfie.”

-

“So… how does this work?” Dick asked.

They were gathered in the gym— originally a room converted for Dick’s gymnastics and since expanded to have various workout gear— on the bright blue mats. Danny was still in his ghost form and drifted in a lazy circle around the group. Jason and Jazz paid him no mind, but Duke and Steph kept glancing at the ghost.

“Well, I mean, when I was a teen I had to say a catchphrase and everything, but I was a lot more in flux at that age so it was all harder. Now it’s much more like just… taking a breath and jumping.”

“Yeah, fish, I’m going to need you to be a little more specific than that,” Jason drawled, his attitude a thin veil over his nerves.

Danny stopped, hovered in front of Jason, and gave him a chaste kiss. “You’ll be okay,” he whispered.

Jason gave a terse little nod.

“Really,” Danny continued, “you’ll be okay. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.”

Breathing slowly through his nose, Jason focused on the feeling of Danny’s cold fingers against his cheeks.

“Now feel for your core. Think of what we saw with Frostbite— the fire, the ash, the movement of it. The light of it. Think about how warm it is there under your sternum. Even in this form, it’s part of you.”

Jason let out a breath slowly, feeling his chest fall with it. He focused on that warmth that nestled itself just under skin and bone. He thought about how it had looked in his hands, destructive but full of the promise of life.

“Keep a focus on your core, but think about how it feels to fly through the air as Red Hood. Think about that moment when you’re at the height of a swing and gravity doesn’t seem to matter. Now let go of all of that and fall. Your core will catch you. I’ll catch you.”

Jason gasped. His knees went out under him. He couldn’t breathe.

No…

He didn’t need to breathe. There simply wasn’t that demand on his body. Everything was just… calm. Static. Still. And he felt so warm. He hadn’t been this warm since before he had died only to wake up cold and alone in his own grave.

Jason looked down at his own hands. They were a dark ashen grey and when he flexed them, soot flaked off and scattered. The bat symbol— his bat symbol— glowed molten orange on his chest. He wasn’t in his Robin costume.

His knees felt weak for a second time, but he still didn’t fall. He looked up into Danny’s fanged grin. The other was holding him up by the elbows. Danny had caught him, just like he promised.

Danny's slow grin only uncurled further. “Hey there, hot stuff.”

Jason let his head fall back as he groaned at the joke.

“Nope, you’ve gotta deal with my puns because wow you really took the whole lava core thing to heart, didn’t you?” Danny said, looking Jason over. “Not that you aren’t totally rocking the look.”

“Really?” Jason asked. It was odd to hear his own voice come out modified from the black mask, deep but without the mechanical edge his Red Hood mask did. Steam escaped from the mask at the filters, swirling up into the still air.

“Payback for months of fish jokes,” Danny said and met the glowing red eyes without an ounce of shame. He drew his hands back along Jason’s arms from where he was holding onto his elbows. Jason could feel cold run along his arms and he held back a shiver. “You good to stand?”

Jason nodded. He felt fine now, weird, but fine. “Yeah, I am. Just… this is a lot different.”

“I know,” Danny said easily and a little sadly. He squeezed Jason’s wrists before letting go and drifting back. Without warning, he plunged his hand into his chest to find his Tucker™ phone.

“What the fuck,” Steph whispered from the sidelines.

“Hey, it’s an easy way not to lose things,” Danny said, “and you need a special phone to be able to handle stuff in the ghost zone so I just keep it on me.”

“In you.”

“Same diff,” Danny said with a shrug. He floated back enough to get all of Jason in the frame and snap a photo.

Jason took the phone carefully as it was passed over to him. That was him. He didn’t know what to think of it all yet, but that was him— as much him as Jason or Red Hood were him. This form certainly drew from his current Red Hood uniform, there was no question of that, not with the face mask and hood, but the coat was longer. The end of the coat ended mid thigh in drips and drops of bright red lava that turned to rick black ash and drifted away. The drips gave a clue to the make up of the rest of the coat, an oddly, roughly iridescent black that glowed bright on edges and seems. Inside the hood was almost blindingly bright.

“It’s definitely a look,” Tim said.

“I like it,” Steph interrupted. “You’re going to make the bad guys shit themselves.”

“Miss Stephenie,” Alfred sighed.

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it!” Tim grumbled. “I guess I just didn’t expect it to be so… otherworldly after Danny’s form.”

Danny shrugged and tucked himself into Jason’s side. The coat sizzled where Danny touched it. “I’m really the odd ghost out. Most of them are much more dramatic and themed to their obsession or core.”

“I think it is impractical. There will be no ambushing anyone when you glow in such a manner,” Damian sniffed.

“Jason’s ghost form isn’t for taking on criminals, Damian,” Bruce said. Jason knew B was thinking it through though from the slightly constipated look on his face.

“I guess with that coat you could totally say that look is dripping,” Duke said and then reached over to high five Dick as Cass signed ‘fire’ dramatically.

“This is your fault,” Jason let Danny know, “the puns.”

“They were like this when I got here,” Danny said, repentantly. “Come on though, open up.”

“Open up?”

“Your mask,” Danny said, tapping on the hard black surface. “I bet you can retract it. Just think about it pulling back and tucking away.”

Jason frowned under the mask but Danny was right before, so he took a breath and tried to picture the mask collapsing on itself and pulling back behind his neck.

The air of the room felt cold on his face.

“Oh, wow, your hair’s inverted,” Dick said, “just like Danny thought it would be. That’s almost more wild than the outfit.”

Jason reached up self consciously to tug at what must now be a black lock only for Danny to catch his hand and kiss it lightly.

“There you are. It took me a long time, but I finally found you,” Danny said.

“Found me?”

Danny gave a little hum. “Yep. Found that ghost whose haunt I crashed into all that time ago. Who would have thought I’d go from being worried about how angry your haunt felt to actually getting to know you like this— getting to know all of you. Getting to see you.”

Danny drifted up just a little more, just enough to press their lips together into a kiss. Icy cold met magma hot and Jason closed his eyes to sounds of cat calls and ‘steamy’. His siblings might be damn annoying, but they weren’t wrong, the kiss was literally steaming.

“Careful or you’ll be smoked salmon before you know it, fish.”

“I don’t know, I think I’d put up with it for you. You know why? Because I lava you,” Danny said with a cackle of laughter.

Jason rolled his eyes, but pulled Danny into another kiss. He had better get used to the puns, he supposed, but somehow he thought he would manage. He thought he would manage because he was no longer just a dead boy, because he had his family around him supporting him, because he also loved Danny. They had not only their afterlives, but their whole lives ahead of them.

And Jason… Jason was determined to live.

---

AN: And here we are... done! I hope you all enjoyed every moment of this fish's adventure, the love he found, and the life he helped give back! It was a journey for sure, and it took me longer than I expected, but I am ever so grateful for you all being along for it! I'll update ao3 tomorrow!

Stay delightful, darlings!

[maedelin]

Negative Romys (bc I know there must be chill ones out there) @ Roguneto in Xmen 97: “NOOOOOO HOW COULD THE WRITERS DO THIS AND DESTROY ROGUE X REMY?! POOR GAMBIT!!!”

Me: *side-eying all of the Marvel material that clearly shows that Romy content severely outnumbering Roguneto content by a landslide and the same Roguneto content winding up being ruined anyway by later writers just because they can* “Ah, yes…poor Gambit…”

All jokes aside, I wonder if the Romys’ concern is that if Roguneto is positively received = somehow becoming canon in the comics later? Because I know Marvel (and DC) has a history of taking a few things that the movies/shows/ side comics have done that were well received by fans or were anticipated to be well received ahead of time by fans and sometimes the companies themselves and incorporating them into the comics later

(ex. X-23 from X-Men Evolution to actual comics, Tony Stark’s personality eventually just becoming Robert Downey Jr as a comic book character, Samuel Jackson!Nick Fury from Ultimate Marvel to MCU to secret son of original Nick Fury and goes by the same name, Magneto’s Helmet protecting him from telepathy in Xmen First Class Movie to comics, Comic!Rogue’s real first name being a combination of her movie self’s name and that actress’s first name, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver not being related to Magneto after all bc their movie selves weren’t, Gwen Stacy’s fun alternative existence as Spider-Gwen/Woman , Miles Morales’s (yay!) existence, Tom Hiddleston’s portrayal of Loki influencing the comic version of him to become a sad little meow meow, Age of Apocalypse’s version of Changling/Morph being brought into X-Men 97, etc)

, but if one truly counts all of the slight/significant changes Marvel Comics have made to the main timeline because of other material, it’s REALLY not a lot.

There’s no need for anyone who ships Romy (which I also ship in addition to Roguneto bc yay multishipping!) to feel threatened by potential romantic alternatives.

And just in case the romantic ships might be altered after all (not likely): if the Multiverse is a thing, maybe we consider it’s not the end of the world if the relationships in the X-Men animated universe is not 100% going to follow how they played out in the comics.

ALSO also, when all else fails, they can just develop their writing/art skills and make fix-it aus 😆

The chaotic neutral part of me actually kinda still hopes that enough people with get on board with Roguneto though so that the comics will see the enthusiasm for them and bring them back in the main universe and shake things up again or in one of the official alternate universes and give them the love and respect the pairing deserves 🤪

I really appreciate your comments. I suppose there could be concerns from the Romy contingent regarding this. Sadly, I think at this point corporate IP is too dedicated to keeping the status quo maintained as it is for the longest time.

I agree with you, I see her relationship with Magneto as brief trysts in the mainstream universe, and an occasional AU marriage reveal. I think that Rogue and Gambit will remain a couple in the mainstream universe despite this current twist in the '97 series. There's too much time and money spent into the material, merchandise, and story that's been built for Romy in reality across various media, and in the perception of people's memories which sometimes have a rosy nostalgic glow. It takes a lot to re-educate an audience and I don't see corporations having that time and patience.

Jean and Scott will always remain together. Meggan and Brian are a duo for all time. Sue and Reed Richards are going to stay married.

No matter what, the story will always return to that. In this reboot, I think it's to give Magneto an extra angle and further reason to stay at the mansion if you leave in doubt his and Rogue's activities on and off camera.

I think my biggest complaint is how there's a circling of the wagons around Rogue when anyone (but particularly Magneto) is interested in her. It frustrates me because I believe characters should experience a lot of different relationships. It builds for a more well rounded person in reality, and a better character in the story. But with Rogue, why isn't she allowed to have other romantic encounters? Why must there be a strange arguments about age, about experience? These are traumatized beautiful people with fancy abilities in a soap opera. With capes. (And occasional opera gloves)

In short, I believe that instead of one ship, a character deserves an armada. I agree, alternate universe pairings would be fun too!

I too enjoy drama and can't wait to see how the show plays out this romance.

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

Recent posts about masculinity got me thinking. I am not surprised that people see Till as the epitome of masculinity ofc if you go by looks. But from what I've seen I find Paul to be a lot of the things that I personally find very manly. He's confident without being an ass about it. He can be stern (like with people trying to enter the boat) without being rude. He can have a committed relationship with an equal and takes responsibility (we don't know ofc but I think not having children with everybody is a part of that for me). He works in a field he loves and is serious about but without sacrificing everything for it. And he can still be funny and silly and goofy and is certainly no killjoy but I bet if needed he can switch to serious in an instant. He enjoys what he's reached in life without boasting. He can show affection (like hugging his daughter) without that embarrased air around him. I can see a growth over the years without loosing himself. A man can be built like a tank but if he lacks qualities like these the manliness level for me drops considerably. I think about this when people talk about Till as the greatest and overall best because I honestly don't see it. And I was quite impressed back in the late nineties by his sensibility and the way he talked and so on but over the years he lost a lot of what appealed to me. For me (all of this is ofc my very personal impression on the available data) it feels like Paul can seem very much like an overgrown child but has really grown into a man and Till seems very much like the man around but is still a teenager on the inside. Which maybe explains the also many people who consider him a poor little meow meow whose bad life choices are never his fault.

i pondered if i wanted to share this ask, because of the negative undertone the word 'masculinity' has these days, but then i figured that's mainly because of 'toxic masculinity' and let's face it, anything combined with 'toxic' would make it negative, same goes for 'toxic cuteness', 'toxic softness' and 'toxic freches früchtchen' (to go with Paul's phrase 😊)

And i agree that Paul seems to be a very manly man: confident (even at 18) but with an easiness to it, firm without being rude (both with fans wanting to enter a boat, but also with Till wanting to bash his head against Paul's mic), in control without being micromanaging. I think there isn't much in Rammstein going on without Paul knowing it (and having an opinion on it 😊) (btw: that's why it imo was so funny that Richard managed to sneak up to him on stage and surprise him 😊

And indeed Paul can be very playful, both in a 'goofy with the guys' and a 'cute and playful' way, sometimes even childlike, but never childish 🌺. And also very affectionate, as he shows regularly with several bandmates ❤️

The phrase "growth over the years without loosing himself" i like a lot, and i agree with it. He's definitely older (can you believe he'll turn 60 end of next year?) and more mature than he was when Rammstein started (or Feeling B), but he's always very much Paul ❤️

Till i see as a masculine man too (maybe they are the among most masculine in the band, with Olli), but maybe in different ways. No i'm not talking about physique (although i can imagine that is why people who don't really know him, also see him as masculine), but Till has imo always had a 'cool' and a 'don't give a damn about what others think' vibe that imo makes him very appealing to be with. I think it's one of the reasons why he always attracts attention in a group of people, a certain magnetic quality (even though he may not always like it), and yes, imo very masculine.

Aside from that Till is one for 'going back to nature', living off the land, roughing it; all very masculine traits imo. (And ofcourse there are his views on people who go in therapy, which in itself are also pretty masculine, but in a different way).

I think more than with Paul, Till has different persona in different situations: on stage, being both a showman and a prankster, jetsetting, and tucked away in small village life. The playful part on stage is imo often being a bit of a prankster (lately i'm often reminded of Nelson of The Simpsons when i see him on stage), and he has retained a bit of juvenile humor (watch him laughing when Flake got that 'dick hat' on on stage).

Where Paul is 'in control', and according to stories, Till likes to be in control too (at least on stage, we know what happens when some of the crew make a mistake) but he handles it differently. I also think that Till is easily persuaded to do something if he's indulged in what he likes (rather, it has been stated almost literally in at least one making of) That's why personally i'm not a big fan of the entourage he formed around him the last couple of years, because imo they indulge him too much and don't tell him 'no'. Ofcourse he's old and intelligent (Till is from a very intellectual background, he should be able to look at himself and evaluate) enough to say 'no' himself, but he often doesn't imo... But like i said, he's smart enough to be able to figure that out 🌺 maybe just every now and then, he needs someone to give him a kick up the youknowwhat 😊

Does that make him less masculine though? 🤔 Not in my book...but what do i know 😊

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

OFMD EP1 REACTION

i already know this is a dream sequence but opening on stede and izzy having a badass swordfight is dope

stede's fantasy is all about him looking and sounding super masc... babyboy that's not you...

HE FUCKING STABBED IZZY. HE KILLED HIM

and of course izzy's last words are "you absolute twaaaaaaaaaat" i'm fucking dying

AND THERE'S THE SLOMO BAYWATCH RUN GOD I LOVE IT

"knew you'd find me babe" and of course ed's got his beautiful beard back and he looks perfect and he loves stede's beard sfjgdskjgdshj stede

aaaaaaand f in the chat for stede's dream sequence, wee john is doing chemical warfare

"can't be worse than you moaning 'ed, oh, ed' all night long" f in the chat for black pete and the rest of the crew

AHAHAHA roach going "he's single" and shoving the swede at jackie. c'mon swede be a hobosexual for us we gotta sleep somewhere

"come closer. spanish jackie don't bite. i lied, i bite" and he giggles i am immediately on board congrats jackie on your 21st husband

love olu's fancy bartender waistcoat!

"i'll buy you a drink" this guy! the guy who's practically stede's twin! in the disco outfit that stede steals! is he the guy stede does a punch on? is he hitting on stede? oh my GOD where is this going

"richard banes. are you stede bonnet?" dear lord this guy could not have a posher accent. is he the guy who ends up with a fake nose. he's an undercover cop isn't he. how else does he know who stede is

awww fuck we're cutting to ed. shit's about to go down

(stede) "hope you're thinking of me as well" close-up on ed's TRUST NO-ONE tattoo. fuuuuuuuuck

and immediately the wedding ed's gonna crash is like some extremely classist/"we must breed more upper class, worthy humans" shit, so ed can do a little murder actually i immediately don't feel bad for them

"objection" ed can board a ship without anyone fucking noticing if it looks cool actually

THERE HE IS he's made everyone put on the emo paint. i keep pausing and rewatching this part. love izzy's sarcastic little smile

jim looks so fucking sexy

so does frenchie tbh

ed's just eating the cake. cake topper my beloved...

OH NO IVAN DIED. OFF-SCREEN. F IN THE CHAT. and frenchie only cares about the cake JUST KIDDING HE IS HARDCORE DISSOCIATING. poor fang tho...

stede taking down blackbeard's wanted poster... does he have a little shrine in the pig sty he's sleeping in. does he draw hearts on the posters

"he's just blowing off some steam" stede has decided the atrocities are cool and fun actually. atrocities are okay if the man doing them has big beautiful brown eyes too. what about it

"i also killed someone and stole their kiosk. sometimes action is better than vision" can we get sue on the crew? "that's what i've been telling him" "that's 'cause you're the smart one" sue confirms that olu is the only crewmember with a brain cell

'we can't turn up with any old ship, we need to look good" STEDE. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD.

ed putting the little cake topper in his breast pocket next to his heart i'm going feral

"did everyone get cake?" "yeah they got cake"

ed is doing drugs and izzy has never looked more miserable and soggy. he looks like someone dunked him in an inkwell

OH HERE'S THE SCENE. THE SAD WET MEOW MEOW SCENE

shit's gotta be really bad if izzy needs to be rocked and cuddled while he cries... babyboy you should have just let ed hold the talent show...

i am not at all surprised that jackie's taking all of stede and co.'s savings. this is jackie's house. jackie does not have a tip jar. you're in the republic of pirates hide it better next time

BOO CAKES!

well you didn't even get jackie and the swede a wedding present. this is her wedding present. HIDE THE JAR BETTER-

"what if we took that back?" "i think my husbands would have a problem with that. have you met all twenty of 'em?" PAUSING TO LOOK AT THE HUSBANDS.

"that's a lot of husbands" black pete misses his husband, tails. he misses him a lot

love the one wearing no shirt and a tight waistcoat/corset thing with the axe. one's got cool glasses. two of them are either super twinky or lady-husbands, excellent either way (jackie and her lady-husbands, nandor and his guy-wives... beautiful...)

EDIT: THE TWO HUSBANDS ARE TRANS GUYS HELL YEAH HELL YEAH

"i know that guy we had breakfast together" "you will be having a lot of breakfasts-es together" "oh ok" sometimes a family is a pirate businesswoman and her 20 19 18 20 husbands and we stan

maybe the sexy axe husband cooked the breakfast. i am delighting in imagining them being all cute and domestic until jackie needs them to stand around and look intimidating and then they all scramble into position. their job is to cook breakfast and look sexy and scare the shit out of anyone jackie points them at

i like to imagine that as soon as one of jackie's husbands died she's like fuck i gotta get a new one to make up the numbers. my brand is 20 husbands i can't be seen with only 19. who's new in town that is remotely attractive. ooh, swedish blondie with a metal tooth, he'll look nice next to the one in glasses

anyway stede and co. are now homeless rip

why does roach have buttons on a rope leash sfhdskjghsgk is buttons so desperate to return to his true love (the sea) that they have to treat him like a toddler trying to run into traffic

"dear ed, i think i'm afraid to see you. i'm not afraid you're gonna kill me, i'm afraid your life is better without me!" I AM GOING TO LOSE IT. SOMEONE GET THIS POOR BOY SOME SELF-ESTEEM

i paused on the wanted poster and it said "wanted for theft brigandry larceny arson tax evasion" sgkjhsfgkjsfhgk the fucking IRS is going to find ed before stede does

"could be. could be, mate" stede your ed impression sucks shit

oh god richard's there. are you a cop or just a fan.

"the gentleman pirate saved my life! quite frankly, you're my hero!" with his fancy fucking coat oh god stede has a fan. stede has a copycat fan. AND STEDE'S NOW HAPPY OH MY GOD I AM HITTING HIM WITH A HAMMER (affectionate)

he fed stede a line about jackie's roman puzzle chest... i don't fucking trust this guy i'm convinced he's either a navy plant or a husband plant...

(if he is truly just a baby stede i'm putting him in a jar and shaking him (affectionate))

I FUCKING LOVE THE SWEDE

oh god back to ed's depression den

"not good enough. and that's another toe. take your boot off." okay ed, i know you're trying to get izzy or anybody to kill you in your sleep or something but i'm still. noooo don't commit atrocities you're soo sexy aha

"who am i to you" oh god. shit's gotta be really really fucking bad if izzy's doing emotional intimacy

"i have... love for you, edward" i'm going to explode

first of all izzy is delusional if he thinks he knows ed better than anyone else - we know and love this about him

second, con's fucking acting is going to kill me. he's looking at the floor, there are tears in his eyes, he's whispering and pauses as if saying the word love is going to kill him (and it's not just the emotional repression considering how volatile ed is)

and the way the line is written - it's not "i love you" or "i'm in love with you", it's not a thing izzy does or is, it's a thing he has. an object he's carrying around, separate to him, he's trying to distance himself from it.

and of course ed interrupts him with "oh come on" because he does not trust that anyone actually loves him and he doesn't want anyone to any more, he wants izzy to hate him and kill him!

"i'm worried about you, we all are. the atmosphere on this ship is completely poisoned. but if we could all just maybe... talk it through" SHIT'S GOT TO BE REALLY REALLY UNQUESTIONABLY HORRIFICALLY FUCKING BAD IF IZZY IS ADOPTING STEDE'S CATCHPHRASE

ed, ominously "as a crew" as blackbeard's leitmotif starts up... WORST CHOICE OF WORDS EVER IZZY I'M TERRIFIED

izzy: i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up

POOR FANG IS WHIMPERING ED DON'T SCARE HIM!!!!!

"i know who we should ask, ol' blackbeard!" (shoves gun under his own chin) jesus christ ed

"FUCKING END!" izzy has had ENOUGH

AND AS SOON AS HE SAYS STEDE'S NAME ED SHOOTS HIM

"frenchie, you are now first mate" STEPS OVER IZZY GROANING IN PAIN

i am very worried

HARD CUT TO THE SWEDE AND JACKIE LMAO

oh god stede's adopted ricky. this can only end terribly

aaaaaand f in the chat for ricky's nose

"i can't believe you guys robbed jackie! so bad!" swede.

jackie looks gorgeous though

SUE IS OF COURSE THE BADASS PIRATE QUEEN

and jackie loves her a sexy swedish double-crosser

thank you sue for adopting the gang of idiots

OH GOD JIM AND ARCHIE MOPPING UP IZZY'S BLOOD. THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD

poor fang is still crying

awwww and jim's telling him pinocchio to calm him down! (but they suck at telling stories)

"do the voice"

and jim does the fucking voice

ed sounds like he's holding back tears as he describes sailing and robbing and never landing

"fuck you, stede bonnet" "good night, ed teach" HHHHHHH

stede come on man pick up a fucking oar you're not the captain any more

at least we got one romantic reunion! and it was buttons and the ocean <3

sdkfjhsdkjgsdk everyone being like "are we soup merchants now? sweet" and olu with his poor overworked brain cell like "hang on... there's no soup here"

ZHENG YI SAO FUCK YEAH BAY BEE

AFTER CREDITS SEQUENCE!!! storytime with jim extended edition!!!!!

[suits-of-woe]

RSC Wars of the Roses

SO. i'm on vacation in stratford right now and i got to see the rsc production of wars of the roses live on closing night and hooooooly shit holy shit. tldr: play good and i'm fucking insane. i have many thoughts.

so it was basically henry vi part 3 but with a liiiittle bit of part 2 tacked on at the beginning. we open on york arriving with his army to fuck shit up and ultimately claim the throne over the somerset issue and then go until the end of part 3

they used cameras and projections in a really cool way, there was this translucent curtain kind of thing where video was projected at different points. sometimes it was a scene going on backstage (like henry conferring with his men before confronting york in the throne room), sometimes something happening onstage but out of the audience's view (rutland cowering behind a set piece before he was killed), sometimes a close-up of something going on onstage (often when characters were killing or dying), sometimes a separately filmed scene of something related (richard killing clifford while other characters talked about it). during tewksbury edward iv and margaret's monologues were filmed like speeches bieng projected to the whole battlefield. and sometimes they would show other things, like still shots of york as his sons found out he was dead.

AND at one point in the son who killed father/father who killed son scene henry put his hand on the back of the cameraman who was filming and i don't know if that means anything but it made me kind of crazy

THE CAST WAS ALL AMAZING. mark quartley had essentially my dream henry vi vibe i wanted to hug him so much in every scene he was in. his mannerisms were so nervous and uncomfortable and sometimes he would just turn away from the conversation going on and look out at the audience like he was so conflicted and didn't know what he was doing. he made me so fucking sad and that's all i want from my poor little meow meow english monarch

ARTHUR HUGHES RICHARD. HOLY SHIT. first of all he actually has radial dysplasia of his arm which is cool, i really appreciate the casting of a disabled actor in that role. and his energy was fucking FANTASTIC. my controversial take is that i like 3h6 richard more than r3 richard as a character and this prod was absolutely an example of why. he's so scrappy and high-energy and he really feels so YOUNG. and then about a third of the way into the play he started revealing his Evil Intentions and had such a fantastic rapport with the audience, there were tons of great little nod and wink moments when we were privy to his reactions to things while the characters onstage weren't. he was soooo likeable in that evil way, i may have bad taste but he's my best friend. i'm like actively angry i won't be around to see him in r3.

minnie gale was also a great margaret! she was a little bit more overtly emotional than i've seen the role played before, in the "i here divorce myself" scene she seemed more genuinely grief-stricken than angry. she upset me so much in prince edward's death scene with her sheer desperation

honestly there wasn't a weak link for me! oliver alvin-wilson had amazing presence as york and ashley d gayle was the perfect horrible little slut (affectionate) as edward but when his emotionality came out it was. h.

WHAT THEY DID WITH THE PAPER CROWN. PAIN AND AGONY. in 1.2 rutland was wearing this paper crown as he played around with his dad and his brothers and then it got left behind onstage as he ran to escape when the army came in. and then. well. that was the paper crown they put on york's head CHECK OUT HOW HARD I CAN CRY

when margaret was waiting for york to speak in that scene she FULLY DID THIS POSE ON THE FLOOR. HELP ME

the throne was part of the set that stayed onstage the whole time and york died clinging onto it which mentalled my illnesses

richard DID cry when he heard that york was dead which made "i cannot weep" later in that scene so much more insanity-inducing. he does feel intensely he's just trying to pretend he's not grieving. god i think about the richard and york relationship it makes me so upset HE LOVED HIS DAD AND HIS DAD LOVED HIM

when margaret told henry to "unsheathe your sword" so he could knight prince edward he wasn't wearing a sword so margaret actually had to hand him one. and then he actually dropped the word and just touched his son on the shoulders instead and hugged him. henry :(((((((

king louis and bona were so french (derogatory). they were the comic relief and they just had the stupidest most over-the-top accents and gestures and costumes. watching british/french hostility in action and eating popcorn

when the watchman talked about "lord hastings, the king's chiefest friend" he coughed and did a suggestive voice. a win for bi edward truthers. also when he got captured in that scene he was shirtless and the screen projections had showed him thotting it up with three women. slut

they cut the scene where edward is trying to persuade the mayor to let him into york but there WAS a scene where he was debating with richard and hastings if he should claim his crown or just his dukedom and at one point he screamed "I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T" and just. fully broke down. was not expecting edward to hurt me like that but oh god

the henry vi death scene went OFF and hurt me infinitely as usual. however my one gripe was that they cut "for this amongst the rest was i ordained" which is one of my favourite richard lines EVER. it fucks so hard why would you do that. but GOD the killing of henry was so violent and took so long, most of the onstage deaths didn't have fake blood (people had a lot of blood on their faces but it didn't appear during stage-combat) but then henry was soaked in blood as richard stabbed him over and over and over. and the banger of all bangers speech went off as usual.

the yorkists came onstage and started celebrating and dancing as richard was still standing over henry's body which was such a good representation of where richard is at going into r3, still stuck in war and violence mode while the world around him has moved on to peace and celebrations. and just the reminder that it's all only possible because of henry's death

they did the classic "end on richard holding the baby SO threateningly" thing which. vibes. and the last image was the camera close on his face as he turned toward the audience before it cut to black

ALSO i meet rosie sheehy who was king john in the recent rsc prod! i got to talking to some people sitting next to me about king john and it turned out she was in the audience so they offered to introduce me. she was super super nice (and told me that apparently eating a raw egg on stage every night wasn't that bad). she'll be anne in the rsc r3 which once again i would fucking kill to watch now

GOD WHY CAN I NOT SIMPLY LIVE AT THE RSC FOREVER AND EVER THAT IS MY QUESTION

[crossover-enthusiast]

Hdhdjrj

Another scenario I thought of: If Rowan and Roy end up dating, Carmen and Richard somehow find out. And they're very pissed off about it at first because their son is dating some cottagecore ass "plebian". But over time, they just kinda come to accept it and even forget why they were mad at all in the first place. /j

Cottagecore ass kdjnjsfnkj

Rowan has big poor little meow meow energy. Even snobby rich people cannot resist it /j

[they-reap-what-we-sow]

WEREHUNTERS AU AUTHOR'S COMMENTARY BABEY

after writing my werewolf hunters batfam au, i realized that as always, i had so much more to say that never made it into the fic SO

Welcome to my stream of consciousness rambling while i edit my fic and figure out what i meant to write when i said “TENSES???” halfway through the doc (spoiler alert it meant i had to change every single tense to present)

I wrote this fic coming off a high of like, 4 straight months of reading ONLY Teen Wolf fanfiction, so the rules of werewolves here are sort of based on the fanon characterization of the werewolves from TW.

I chose to use ‘Richard’ instead of ‘Dick’ when I wrote in Damian’s POV, and while it feels right, damn is it annoying to remember

The ages on the reverse robins part are nebulous honestly, but the general age order goes Damian, Duke, Tim, Steph, Jason, Dick, from oldest to youngest. Their age differences are about the same as in canon… but like, with a grain of salt. (timeline hard what can i say)

Tim gets to stay Tim, even in Damian’s POV, because I feel like that was a sticking point post whatever Tim’s Red Hood era was

and the rest is under the cut!

I think the relationship described here and at the other end of the fic slightly changed a little, but i like it for perspective reason’s so hopefully it makes sense

I do like my ominous drop off sentences…

This first ‘torture’ scene was what i built the idea of this fic off of.

May I Present, the Drama™: “Dick is a werewolf in a family of world-famous werewolf hunters.”

Writing Mary is so fun and so painful :’)

I had honestly planned to go for a much darker and feral Dick when I started this, but he turned into a much more poor little meow meow by the end

Did I cackle writing Bruce and Dick’s ironic first meeting? Yes absolutely I did.

I had to dig a plot hole to make it believable that NONE of a family of famous hunters realizes Dick is a wolf- but s hrugs at fanfic yanno

Forcibly asian-ifying the Waynes by making them wear house slippers askdfjhlasd

I have such a vivid image of the chandelier scene in my head, i really wish i could art properly so i could show yall- i hope the imagery was detailed enough

I use the word nest and physically cringe, no i dont mean it in an a/b/o way but like, i cant NOT think about it like that

The circus is such a pure and wonderful part of Dick’s childhood, I always love writing about it

Im at the part of the fic where i cackle over my decision making skills, I hope you’re all suffering so far : )

TENSE CHANGE AGAIN!!! Jesis how did i not mess this up

LOOK AT ME WRITING A FULL CIRCLE!!!! I really enjoyed starting the fic in scene without context, and then building up the context throughout until the climax, very professional writerly of me

These goodbyes were so bittersweet to write because I loved the angst in them, but it also felt like I was saying goodbye to the fic

The Titans that I’m referencing are Deathstroke’s Titans. Not for very important reasons other than it was lead by Slade Wilson, who’s the werewolf who managed to escape from the Waynes and identified them, and has Cassanda Cain’s Batgirl, because of a future plot point I’d imagined of Cass trying to ‘rescue’ Dick and relaizing that he’s not being horribly tortured at home.

I honestly had no idea what kind of weapons the Waynes fight with so like, its just “weapon” creative genius, yeah i know

Their hunter outfits are not quite exactly the canon outfits, im imagining a more like, Punk-Leather-Biker-Gang type style with inspirations from their canon suits

The reveal scene… I really hope I did the shock horror justice, it was a personal favorite.

DICK”S SAD LITTLE SPEECH - man he’s so whumpable

I feel kind of bad that Duke and Jason didn’t get to be part of the big final scene, but trust me, they take it just as well, if not better than the others.

BLOOD GORE AND MURDERRRRRRRRRR- its only right

The fic was supposed to end with the cuddling and scenting scene but my brother did a beta read for me and he was like, this is way too soft an ending for this fic, so violent revenge murder instead!

[watermotif]

wait now i'm so curious, what else would be on your blog's syllabus?

OH what a great question !!! ok here's like the first things that come to mind

and then we danced (2019) literally my favourite movie of all time !! i think about it every day it's so central to my whole deal

the end of evangelion (1997) nge has so many issues but still. i love eoe so much it's so horrific and so beautiful and balls to the walls insane. it's interesting to me that so many people think it's a fuck you to fans but to me it feels like this is what evangelion was about this entire time ?

how big how blue how beautiful (2015) by florence + the machine came out at exactly the right time and it's her best era and i love the themes and the whole narrative she created in this album cycle

the raven cycle (+ the dreamer trilogy) by maggie stiefvater<3 litcherally books you read at 15 and change you forever .

swimming in the dark by tomasz jedrowski!!!! book of all time it's like atwd but also not but also they're the same

melmoth by sarah perry. cant explain it just read it<3 the ideal weird book helen is my poor meow meow

the bbc2 documentary series secrets of the museum ! i love things and objects and curating them and history and it makes me cry a lot because i love museums so much

time, fate and water motifs in stories, selfaware characters, fourth walk breaks, narratives that rot, tragedies, mazes and labyrinths, the poem sunset on 14th street by alex dimitrov, morning poem by mary oliver, crush by richard siken, the hbo miniseries chernobyl, the silt verses podcast, moby dick by herman melville

my blog has no real theme or focus but i think these are some (not all!) things that influenced what i like and were sometimes inspirations for my tags ? idk it's also just media that has stayed with me and changed me a little bit<3

what would be YOUR blog syllabus !

[tailoredjade]

books recs <3

Literary fiction

Giovanni's Room

the kind of book that’s best if you go in blind. just know that baldwin remains a classic for a reason. his writing makes me want to gnaw on my own wrist (affectionate). his use of motifs makes me want to pull out a cork-board and pin up snippets of pages just to connect them with bits of red thread. devastating, raw, heart wrenching, tragic, other adjectives of the sort

Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead

gilda is a deeply mentally-ill atheist lesbian who’s ends up getting hired as a receptionist in a catholic church when in search for free therapy. subsequent shenanigans ensue and by shenanigans i mean she’s just … spirals. this novel is sharp, funny, deeply relatable (isn’t that reveling), and at it’s core utterly human

Fantasy

A Marvelous Light

ok hear me out: for fans of our flag means death, i found the perfect edwardian fantasy romance for you. god this book is such a delight. robin gets the thrust into magical society after he mistakenly gets declared a liaison. obviously he falls in love with his magical counterpart, who’s prickly and obsessed with libraries. it’s quite possible that i am a tad in love with him. super interesting magic system + lush setting (also the author is a host of an absolute banging podcast called ‘be the serpent’)

The Poppy War (and subsequent installments)

where do i ever begin. the world building is brilliant and rooted within chinese history. it’s gritty and dark and so bloody smart. rin is the epitome of the post that’s like ‘i’m a girlboss, i’m a war criminal, i’m the next virgin mary, i will defeat god’ (paraphrased clearly). i simultaneously love her and want to shake her vigorously by the shoulders. she is my little meow meow. oh right plot. to clarify, rin is poor orphan who manages to gets into sinegard, an  prestigious military school, and there she discovers her connection to shamanism. discusses the harsh realities of war and explores the depth of relationship formed because of it

The Midnight Lie

YA fantasy that has surprisingly complex conversations about class, compulsive heterosexuality, exploitation, and toxic relationships. still tbh the relationship is what kept me reading. every interaction between nirrim and sid had me giggling, twirling my hair, looking way abashedly, the works. the lines “Nirrim, I can’t be good to you. / Then be bad.” make me want to scream into a pillow like an early 2000s disney movie. i’m so tired of love interests in romcoms being describe as swoon-worthy when they’re just some guy. sid on the other hand; she’s this delightful butch who kisses girls’ palms and compares them to indigo flowers and — jfc moving on.

Non-Fiction

In the Dream House

memoir recounting an abusive relationship framed through vignettes of narrative tropes/literary devices. so fucking devastating and haunting. dream house as: queer villain, ambiguity, choose your own adventure, and death wish; all really suck with me. really think everyone should get this a read if you’re in the right place for it

Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches

brilliant collection abt racism, sexism, class, homophobia, and the ways they overlap “Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness.“

Poetry

Crush

if you haven’t yet read a richard siken quote yet while scrolling through this hell-site i commend you because how. is there really anything else to say. wishbone is a particular favorite of mine but every single word in this collection makes me feral

Devotions: The Selected Poems of Mary Oliver

the only time i will ever be willing to frolic is after reading an oliver poem. i come out of the experience feeling rejuvenated? compassionate? with the understanding that yes rocks do, in fact, have feelings, why wouldn’t they?

If Not, Winter: Fragments of Sappho

big fan of this specific translation. should be considered the lesbian master doc. that’s probably problematic. well anyways. the bit when she describes very literally fainting after hearing a woman’s laugh from across the room. slay! she’s just like me fr

[exlibrisfangirl]

Fandom ask for Superman & Lois, OR among your bearded beloveds?

Okay, I going to have to do both, because that second one is just REALLY CREATIVE AND DELIGHTFUL.

Superman & Lois

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

Clark. The end. =)

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

Sarah Cushing. I want to SQUEESH her... but also? At the same time, major gender envy? Yeah.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

Not sure. Maybe Jordan?

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

I don't really have one. I keep hoping we'll get a Supergirl appearance, eventually. If/when that happens, I will be insufferable. =)

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

BIZARRO. I had this conversation the other day that went like this...

Me: WHY do I find (Bizarro) so strangely hot?

Friend: Uh... because it's Hoechlin?

Me: Good point.

Friend: He also has a cat.

Me: Again, good point.

Friend: And they lower his voice and make it all deep and gruff and scratchy, and...

Me: Okay, now I'm feeling attacked.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

No idea.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

Probably Mitch Anderson. Why is Ian Bohen so good at playing sleazebags? Lol

Bearded Beloveds

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

CHRISTOPHER "THE CODE" ARGENT (Teen Wolf). MY MOST BELOVED OF BEARDEDS.

Runners-Up: Aramis (BBC The Musketeers), Gwaine (BBC Merlin), Allan A Dale (BBC Robin Hood), Faramir (LOTR), Derek Hale (Teen Wolf)

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

1. CALEB MOTHERTRUCKING BREWSTER (Turn: Washington's Spies) - My smol, angry, sarcastic, sneaky little shit smuggler-turned-spy with a heart of gold. Plus, the beard is EPIC.

2. Marcus Cole (Babylon 5) - Don't tOUCH ME.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

1. William T. Riker (Star Trek: TNG) - He is the ULTIMATE himbo, and I just really, REALLY love him. Also, that beard is ICONIC. He is definitely underestimated and undervalued.

2. Porthos (BBC The Musketeers) - Aramis may be my fave, but he wouldn't be who he is without Porthos (and vice versa). I feel like Porthos was vastly underrated by the fandom in favor of, well, any of the other three (Athos, Aramis, D'artagnan), really.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

ARDETH BAE BEY (The Mummy, The Mummy Returns)

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

Negan (The Walking Dead), Angel Reyes (Mayans MC), Oliver Queen (Arrow)

There are more, but those are the ones I think would be the most problematic/controversial within their respective fandoms? I don't know, lol.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

King Richard (Galavant) because he's an utter DELIGHT and it would be really amusing, or Prince John (BBC Robin Hood) because he's an utter TERROR in the most entertaining way.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

John Winchester (Supernatural) - NO, THE IRONY DOES NOT ESCAPE ME.

Send me a fandom and I’ll tell you my...

[trvelyans-archive]

hehe hi 😌 miss zelda and spike AND miss zelda and richard :)

oh my god

zelda and spike would be. a lot. they would be ABSOLUTELY MENACES to everyone around them. she would definitely get him to prank people with her (and also she would bleach a strand of her hair blonde to match him like she does in canon) and they would absolutely have a hoot together. unfortunately they are both stubborn and have relatively bad tempers so they would get in a lot of fights but at the same time they both have poor little meow meow moments so one of them would always end up giving in after arguments. i think they are almost too similar. i think that zelda could convince spike to wear crop tops <3

zelda and dick would never work out. he does not understand her at ALL and he would only ever be passive aggressive with her when she's mad at him but also would hang around her constantly and never give her space which is something she needs a lot of when she's upset and he would hang around her and just make her more upset. i think he would be sweet with her when things are good but she would never grow out of picking on him a little or making fun of him and it'd be good-natured but it would wear him down and. yeah. they just wouldn't end up lasting long term because his self esteem would take a hit and she would feel like he never understood her and they would fight all the time and never really resolve it and. sad face. but it's okay !!! he'll get a gf who is nice to him !!!

send me an oc + an alternate love interest for them and i’ll tell you what i think of the idea

[lu-undy]

Chapter 78 - SBT

Here it is!

"I assume you had your reasons for doing it this way but it has to change, and fast." Lucien sat on the oval table and crossed his arms. The smoke from his cigarette floated in the air like a cloud above his head.

"I did. But now that there is no danger anymore, I might actually do it." 

Lucien frowned and pondered.  The king of the beggars went on.

"I will set a rendez-vous point. All you have to do is have him be there." 

"Non." Lucien answered, raising cold eyes to his ex-colleague. 

"What?"

"Non." He repeated firmly. "You are not taking any risks in this business, I am. So we will do things my way."

"What risks are you taking?" Maurice asked and Lucien's anger flashed on his fair irises.

"You know very well." He answered drily.

"Very well, what do you suggest?" 

Lucien sighed. 

"I do not know yet. I need to think about it. The stakes are too high. Every second that I spend with you discussing it is a second that I betray him and his trust. I cannot afford that, nor do I want it, not anymore, not ever." 

"Fine." Maurice said, from his old wooden throne. "You do as you please." 

"Tell me where they are. I shall bear the responsibility of the rest." 

Maurice wrote something on a piece of paper and slid it to the ex-spy. 

"That is where I have kept them. Good luck. They are expecting him."

The Frenchman's rage boiled up a notch higher. 

"Pardon?" He asked in his native tongue. "Do not think for one second that this puts you out of any responsibility!"

"What are you going to do? Stab me in the back, like in the old days…?" 

Lucien's jaw relaxed and he smirked, not like the free man he was now, but like the spy he had been: cold, arrogant and overly self-confident.

"Me? Nothing. Him? I am not so sure, Maurice." 

He took the piece of paper that he stored in his pocket and exited the hideout. When he made it back to the surface, he adjusted his scarf and headed back home. 

-- Next day -- 

"Mundy, I forgot to tell you something."

"What is it?"

Lucien was sitting next to his lover at the table while they shared breakfast. 

"Richard and his wife agreed to take Diamond." 

"Oh, that's great news!" 

"I also sent the word to Maurice, and he is happy to take Star."

"Oh, alright."

"Oui, he shall train her to take on Perle's job and hunt mice and chase away any undesired rodents." 

"That's nice, hear that, Starry baby?" Mundy was cuddling the lady kitten. She meowed happily. "You'll get a nice home and a job. Kids'll cover you in pets too!"

"And guess where our beloved ball of hunger will end up?" Lucien asked, petting Glovy on his lap. 

"I don't know, where?" 

"There is one young man who will make him more than happy." 

"Who?"

Lucien smiled before answering. 

"Bastien." 

"Bastian?" 

"Who better than an apprentice chef cook for our beloved Glovy?" Lucien asked. 

"Hear that, fat boy? Your new dad's gonna make you delicious food!"

"Mrow!" He answered excitedly. 

"Yeah…" Mundy extended his hand and scratched Glovy under his chin. "You're one happy, chunky boy, aren't ya?" 

The large yet short cat purred happily under the attention. 

"So that settles it apart from Junior…" Mundy said. The kitten had grown up like his brother and his sisters but still looked smaller. 

"Viens, mon petit." 

[Come, my little one.]

Lucien bent down, released Glovy and scooped his namesake off the floor to put him on his knees. 

"He will have a good forever home. We shall offer him as a gift and a surprise." Lucien answered, cuddling the kitten. 

"Yeah, but to who?" Mundy asked. 

"To whom?" Lucien corrected. "Well, who will need a Lucien and has been missing me while I was away?" 

"Me?" Mundy answered. 

"Apart from you?" Lucien asked. 

"Don't know, who?" 

"Victoria." He answered. 

"Oh…" 

"I think she will take the best care of him." Lucien added. 

"I'm sure you're right, darl'." Mundy laced a lazy arm around Lucien's shoulders and the Frenchman leaned on him. 

"Any plans for today?" Mundy asked.

"I was thinking of taking the kittens to their new homes." Lucien answered, pushing a lock of silver hair behind his ear. 

"Oh, ok, sure."

"I suggest we start with Bastien and Richard, they are not too far apart from each other. Then, Maurice and in the end, Victoria."

"You wanna take Junior to the diner?" 

"Non, I planned on knocking directly at her door, after her shift." 

"You know where she lives?" 

Lucien raised his eyes and his smirk to his lover. 

"Right, right, ok, ex-spy, I get it." Mundy chuckled.

"I see you are learning." Lucien teased. "But what do you think of this plan? That ought to keep us busy for most of the day."

"Seems like it, yeah. I'm alright with the plan. But first, we need to tell Pearl and Soot." 

"But of course." 

Lucien and Mundy finished their breakfast and found themselves sitting on the carpet in the living room, facing the cats. 

"Right, ladies and gents…" Mundy started. "Today, you're gonna leave Mum and Dad, even your gramps."

The kittens listened with wide open eyes. 

"Meow?" Perle, who had been laying on the carpet, moved to sit up.

"Do not worry, mon bébé," Lucien scratched her head gently. "They will all go to good homes. Star will go to Maurice and hunt the mice there, oh and Junior will go to Victoria."

"Meow?" Soot rose to his feet too. 

"Hey, Sooty boy, you trust the old gramps, eh?"

The black cat went straight to Mundy and purred when he scratched his jaw. 

"There we go. Now, we're gonna give you a few minutes to say goodbye, ok? You be good boys and girls." 

Mundy rose to his feet. 

"Mrow…" Perle bit her Papa's sleeve. 

"Oh? Qu'est-ce que tu veux, ma chérie?"

[Oh? What do you want, my darling?]

She kept on pulling his sleeve and meowing sadly. 

"I will stay with her, go and get ready, Mundy."

"You sure?"

"Oui, she needs me." 

"Fair. See ya in a bit, I'll go get my shoes and stuff." Mundy left a kiss on Lucien's brow and left him with the cats. 

Perle stood on her back legs. Lucien smiled and lifted her into his arms, rocking her gently.

"Qu'est-ce qui se passe? Tu n'aimes pas les 'au revoir' ?"

[What is happening? You don't like goodbyes?]

"Mrow…" She answered sadly. 

"Personne n'aime les au revoir. Ni les hommes, ni les chattes apparemment. Ne t'inquiète pas, tes bébés sont grands maintenant, ils n'ont plus besoin, ni de toi, ni de leur père, ni de nous."

[No one likes goodbyes. Neither people, nor lady cats apparently. Don't worry, your babies have grown up now, they don't need you or Soot, or us anymore.]

"What's wrong, baby?" Mundy joined them and put Lucien's shoes down next to him. "Don't want the kids to go, eh?" 

"Non, she does not." Lucien answered. They both spoiled her with affection, scratches and sweet words. 

"When…" Lucien started. His eyes were riveted on Perle. "When Jérémy was growing up…" 

Mundy's eyebrows jumped. He hadn't expected Lucien to talk about his late son. 

"There came an age where he liked me… less." 

"Oh?" Mundy scooted closer to his lover. 

"Like any other child of his age, he started seeing me not as a model, but as someone who continuously failed to understand him."

"It's fine, luv', we all had that phase for a bit…"

"I guess so but," Lucien sighed and looked away. "It still felt strange to hear the baby that I had carried in my arms a few years before tell me that he hated me, that I was never there for him, that… that…" 

"Sshhh." Mundy wrapped his arms around Lucien and pulled his head under his chin. 

"I was a poor father… I was absent, I was busy, I was away, I was…"

"Hey, it's alright. All dads are like that, ok? They're all busy with work and stuff when we're kids. Then we get to teenage boys and we start gettin' weird, and wonderin' about sheilas… And boys, I guess… About ourselves. We got all these questions and parents are shit at answerin' them. So we feel alone, and not really understood. But it's fine, it's how it goes and how it should go." 

Lucien buried his head deeper in Mundy's chest. 

"Doesn't mean you were a bad dad. And I'm sure of it now, I've seen you with Victoria and with Pearl. You're a bloody good Papa." 

"Maybe." Lucien's voice was muffled. His eyes were closed against Mundy's heart that he heard beating gently in front of him. He could smell the cheap cologne too, it brought him immense comfort. 

"Hey, not to me, eh? I saw you. I even told you. Wish my dad was like you."

"Oui but…"

"But what, love? Tell me." 

"I…"

"Get it out, darl'... Better out than in."

Lucien's shoulders sank. 

"I wish I could now know what Jérémy really thought of me. At the end, he kept on reproaching me all those things and, well, they were all true. Each time he did, I looked in his eyes, God, his eyes… He had his mother's eyes… Blue, of a darker shade than mine, dirty blond hair, buck teeth… He was an adorable little boy but he grew up to hit puberty, too soon. And each time he would address me, it would not be with admiration anymore, but with anger and hatred." 

"Hey… Darl'..." Mundy gently rocked his lover and slid his fingers through his long hair. "Close your eyes and remember when you were his age, eh? Didn't you think that you had it all figured out, that you'd be better off without your parents, that they didn't understand what you felt…?"

"Mundy, you are not understanding."

"Oh?"

Lucien pulled himself out of the embrace and rubbed his eyes. 

"Non, I understood him too well! I knew this rage, this powerlessness, this frustration. I knew it so well that when I was faced with it, I decided to leave home and live in the streets." 

Mundy frowned. 

"When I turned 18, I fled. My mother and step-father pressured me and forced me to choose between Medicine and Law. I didn't want either, and so I ran away. And whenever I saw Jérémy look at me with hatred, I would see myself, right before I fled. It terrified me, that sight."

"You were scared that he'd run away too?" Mundy asked. 

Lucien raised his eyes to him and nodded sadly. 

"Oh, I get it now… But Lu'..."

"Who knows? Maybe he wanted to flee too. Maybe God claimed him back before he had the chance."

"Ssh." Mundy pulled Lucien in a hug again. "You can't know. No one can."

"What terrified me most is how his mother would have reacted, had he decided to run away."

"Lu', stop thinkin' about it. You can't do anything about it, and in any case, you don't have to."

"Oui, but what if-?"

"No, luv', listen." Mundy cut him off and cupped his face such that he rested his forehead against his. "What ifs are useless, darl'. Stop thinking about it. Let your baby boy rest, and let yourself rest too."

"I cannot. There are things that I have been holding within myself for far too long. I want someone to know. I want someone to share all these personal secrets with, I want to share the weight of that burden, all those mistakes, those sins." 

"Hey now, don't be dramatic. Everyone does stuff they regret. There isn't one man or sheila alive who doesn't regret somethin'! It's just not possible!"

"Oui, but I don't care about other people!"

"Neither do I! But you can't continue carrying stuff like that on your back!"

"You want me to forget?" Lucien asked, his eyes wider than planets. 

"No! I want you to learn to live with it in your heart, not on your shoulders like you're carrying the world's misery on yourself!"

Lucien lowered his head and softly headbutted Mundy's chest. 

"I know it's hard, love. I really do. Sometimes I think about my parents and how I… I-I…" 

Lucien raised his head and Mundy looked away. 

"How you what?" He gently asked. 

"I'm a monster… I-I left them to die."

Lucien's eyes snapped wide. 

"Non!" He frowned. "You outdid yourself to avenge them! I saw you, the delicate, shy, compassionate you torture a man. You burnt a man, you burnt every square inch of his chest while he was wide awake and alive!"

Mundy rubbed his eyes and winced. 

"Yeah, you don't need to remind me of that, thanks…."

"Mundy…" Lucien put a hand on his cheek. "You have surpassed yourself, you have done what you never thought you could and yet what did you do? You put yourself aside and did more than what trained soldiers did during the war! Mundy, you avenged them and made them proud."

"Hm. Don't think they're proud." Mundy answered. 

"That is not what I said. I said you made them proud. You avenged them and that is what you had set yourself to do, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you feel at rest now with respect to your parents?" 

Mundy raised his eyes to Lucien and his gaze hung there for a few seconds. 

"I… I'm not sure." 

"Do you regret having dealt with Duchemin?" 

"N-not really but…"

Lucien nodded as he started to understand it. 

"Ah, I see… It is the discussion you had with your parents when you took me to meet them?"

Mundy nodded and sighed. 

"I feel like they'd be even more furious at me." 

"Why?"

"Mum's a good woman. She never would have wanted to hurt anyone. And Dad just hated violence for the sake of it."

"So you feel like you have avenged them but betrayed the education they gave you, their values?" 

"Yeah. I think you put the words on it, again." 

"Again?" Lucien asked. 

"That's why I was so fascinated by Lulu at first. It's cause he managed to put words on things I felt inside me."

"Mundy, you did what you did because it was the right thing to do when you had to do it." Lucien said. "Had things been different, of course you would have reacted differently. Had you not been dragged into the alligators business, you surely wouldn't have followed the track of the worthless man who killed your parents. Besides, this isn't a case of violence for the sake of it. You didn't wake up with the crave to torture someone, no one does. Non. You used violence because what else was left?"

"Nothing." Mundy answered.

"Exactly, you were alone and you didn't have any other way to set things straight. No law on Earth would have condemned that man for the atrocities he caused. So don't look at it the way you are. Had you not followed that lead to find the alligators, Duchemin might still be walking this Earth."

"And I wouldn't have met you." 

Lucien smiled. 

"Non, you would not have, but such is the game of life. You cannot win everything. Either you missed all this, you didn't deal with Duchemin and you didn't meet me, or you indeed go through all of this but with me at your side." 

"Is that the choice I have?" 

"Not exactly. You have made the choice of pursuing the alligators' road and we know where that has led you up until today. Who knows what the other path could have offered?"

"I wouldn't have known you."

"Indeed, but you would not feel this almost regret that you do right now." Lucien explained. 

"Hm."

"It is similar to me. I thought I had put away the suit and tie for good after Marie and Jérémy passed. Yet when the Minister of Defense told me of Duchemin, I could not resist the urge to deal with him." 

"D'you think they'd uh… They'd be… proud of you?"

"Non." Lucien chuckled. "Marie hated my job with a passion. She was very wary of Jérémy discovering it and becoming attracted to the idea of becoming like me. I pretended I had an office job - after all, the suit and tie worked wonders to fool anyone - and invented all kinds of stories and lies to him. He was too young to understand. But I think that as he grew up, he might have had suspicions. There aren't many jobs where you travel left and right, attend luxurious parties but don't take even your partner with you. I think he had his doubts about my job, maybe that added to his hatred towards me." 

"So we're both in the same state, eh?" 

"Oui."

"Again?"

"Oui." 

"Thank God." 

Lucien looked at Mundy. He smiled softly. 

"I'm tired of feeling alone and have weird feelin's inside me, and I'm startin' to get used to you understanding me and feeling the same way too." 

Lucien returned the gentle, lopsided grin. 

"I am grateful to have found you for that same reason, mon loup."

[My wolf]

Lucien tapped the tip of Mundy's nose and the Aussie's eyelids fluttered as he chuckled. 

"Hey…!" Mundy pulled Lucien from his waist and kissed his nose. "There, now we're even."

"Merci!"

[Thanks!]

"You're welcome. So, shall we take the kittens to their new homes?" 

"Before we do, do you feel any better?" Lucien asked.

"Yeah… Thanks love, you're the best."

"My pleasure.  In that case, let us proceed." Lucien turned to Perle. "May we…?" 

The lady cat rubbed her head against Lucien's hand before going to his mouth. He kissed her and she went to lie against Soot. 

"I think that's a yes, Lu'." Mundy said. "I found this cardboard box. Let's put the kitties in and I'll carry it. You lead the way." 

"Perfect." 

The couple scooped the kittens and placed them gently in the box. They went to the door and exited the place. 

"Mister L, Sir?" 

"Oh?" Lucien saw a group of kids running to him in the street. "Oui, what is it, gentlemen?" He squatted to be at their eye level. 

"Maurice said Francis left this for you." One of the blond boys recited his text and inflated his chest proudly. 

"What did he leave?" Lucien asked.

"This!" The child pointed further in the street. 

"Oh!" Lucien's eyebrows jumped and he failed to hide his surprise. "Is that really true?" 

"Yes, Sir! Francis said he was delighted to know you were doing well. He sends his regards." 

"Thank you. Here…" Lucien took his wallet out and gave the children a note. "Don't spend it all on sweets, and do share it." 

"Thank you so much!" The kids ran away, leaving the couple and the kittens alone on the pavement. 

"Hahaha!" Lucien went to the black motorcycle and tapped it gently. "A marvel of elegance and technology. I am delighted that Francis decided to leave it to me…" 

Mundy caught up with him, the box still in his arms. 

"I remember that bike. You came to see me at the lake with it. It's the one that turns invisible, right?" 

"Indeed, that is the one." Lucien let his fingers run on the leather seat. "A delight to drive too." He raised his eyes to Mundy and took the box off of his arms to secure it at the back. 

"What are you doin'...?"

"You don't think we will walk to deliver those kittens, do you?"

"N-no, we could take me van?"

"Non. Here." Lucien handed him the second helmet and made sure the kittens were safe. He wrapped his scarf around the box to dampen the noise of the engine.

"W-what? You want me to-?"

"Come on, Mundy!" Lucien straddled the motorcycle and held a hand out for his lover.

"You sure?"

"You don't trust my riding abilities?"

"N-no, nah, it's just that…"

"What then? Am I too old for riding a motorcycle?" Lucien chuckled.

"Nah, course not, hold on…" Mundy put on the helmet and took his lover's hand. He straddled the motorcycle, behind Lucien.

"Be careful on the road, love." 

"I will. Now hold on." Lucien started the engine and the motorcycle woke up in a roar. 

Mundy put his hands on Lucien's sides and took advantage of the situation to hold him dearly. The Frenchman smiled in his helmet and off they went to deliver the kittens. 

The first stop was made to Bastien. He was delighted to meet his new companion. Then came Maurice and a well earned lunch break. Lucien and Mundy were left with Junior. While waiting for Victoria to finish her shift, they spent the afternoon in a park with the young cat. 

"Mundy?" 

"Yeah?"

"I had a thought about something you said."

"What is it?"

"Remember when you told me that there were things you wanted to do with me and that you hadn't had the chance before I went away?" 

"Yeah."

"I think we should do one of them this evening." Lucien answered.

"What d'you have in mind?" Mundy asked. 

"Surprise…!" Lucien teased. "But first, let us deliver this young man to his new mother." He scratched his namesake's jaw and the kitten purred. 

"Alright, you lead the way."

[everydaybrautigan]

1/3, 1/3, 1/3

It was all to be done in thirds. I was to get 1/3 for doing the typing, and she was to get 1/3 for doing the editing, and he was to get 1/3 for writing the novel. 

We were going to divide the royalties three ways. We all shook hands on the deal, each knowing what we were supposed to do, the path before us, the gate at the end. 

I was made a 1/3 partner because I had the typewriter.

 I lived in a cardboard-lined shack of my own building across the street from the run-down old house the Welfare rented for her and her nine- year-old son Freddy. 

The novelist lived in a trailer a mile away beside a sawmill pond where he was the watchman for the mill. 

I was about seventeen and made lonely and strange by that Pacific Northwest of so many years ago, that dark, rainy land of 1952. I’m thirty-one now and I still can’t figure out what I meant by living the way I did in those days.

 She was one of those eternally fragile women in their late thirties and once very pretty and the object of much attention in the roadhouses and beer parlors, who are now on Welfare and their entire lives rotate around that one day a month when they get their Welfare cheque.

 The word “cheque” is the one religious word in their lives, so they always manage to use at least three or four times in every conversation. It doesn’t matter what you are talking about. 

The novelist was in his late forties, tall, reddish, and looked as if life had given him an endless stream of two-timing girlfriends, five-day drunks and cars with bad transmissions.

 He was writing the novel because he wanted to tell a story that had happened to him years before when he was working in the woods. 

He also wanted to make some money: 1/3. 

My entrance into the thing came about this way: One day I was standing in front of my shack, eating an apple and staring at a black ragged toothache sky that was about to rain. 

What I was doing was like an occupation for me. I was that involved in looking at the sky and eating the apple. You would have thought that I had been hired to do it with a good salary and a pension if I stared at the sky long enough. 

“HEY, YOU!” I heard somebody yell. I looked across the mud puddle and it was the woman. She was wearing a kind of green Mackinaw that she wore all the time, except when she had to visit the Welfare people downtown. Then she put on a shapeless duck-gray coat. 

We lived in a poor part of town where the streets weren’t paved. The street was nothing more than a big mud puddle that you had to walk around. The street was of no use to cars any more. They travelled on a different frequency where asphalt and gravel were more sympathetic. 

She was wearing a pair of white rubber boots that she always had on in the winter, a pair of boots that gave her a kind of child-like appearance. She was so fragile and firmly indebted to the Welfare Department that she often looked like a child twelve years old. 

“What do you want?” I said. 

“You have a typewriter, don’t you?” she said. “I’ve walked by your shack and heard you typing. You type a lot at night.” 

“Yeah, I have a typewriter,” I said.

 “You a good typist?” she said.

 “I’m all right.” 

“We don’t have a typewriter. How would you like to go in with us?” she yelled across the mud puddle. She looked a perfect twelve years old, standing there in her white boots, the sweetheart and darling of all mud puddles. 

“What’s ‘go in’ mean?” 

“Well, he’s writing a novel,” she said. “He’s good. I’m editing it. I’ve read a lot of pocketbooks and the Reader’s Digest. We need somebody who has a typewriter to type it up. You’ll get 1/3. How does that sound?”

 “I’d like to see the novel,” I said. I didn’t know what was happening. I knew she had three or four boyfriends that were always visiting her. 

“Sure!” she yelled. “You have to see it to type it. Come on around. Let’s go out to his place right now and you can meet him and have a look at the novel. He’s a good guy. It’s a wonderful book.” 

“OK,” I said, and walked around the mud puddle to where she was standing in front of her evil dentist house, twelve years old, and approximately two miles from the Welfare office.

 “Let’s go,” she said. 

 We walked over to the highway and down the highway past mud puddles and sawmill ponds and fields flooded with rain until we came to a road that went across the railroad tracks and turned down past half a dozen sawmill ponds that were filled with black winter logs. 

We talked very little and that was only about her check that was two days late and she had called the Welfare and they said they mailed the check and it should be there tomorrow, but call again tomorrow if it’s not there and we’ll prepare an emergency money order for you. 

“Well, I hope it’s there tomorrow,” I said. 

So do I or I’ll have to go downtown,’ she said.

Next to the last sawmill pond was a yellow old trailer up on blocks of wood. One look at that trailer showed that it was never going anywhere again, that the highway was in distant heaven, only to be prayed to. It was really sad with a cemetery-like chimney swirling jagged dead smoke in the air above it.

 A kind of half-dog, half-cat creature was sitting on a rough plank porch that was in front of the door. The creature half-barked and half-meowed at us, “Arfeow!” and darted under the trailer, looking out at us from behind a block.

 “This is it,” the woman said. 

The door to the trailer opened and a man stepped out onto the porch. There was a pile of firewood stacked on the porch and it was covered with a black tarp. 

The man held his hand above his eyes, shielding his eyes from a bright imaginary sun, though everything had turned dark in anticipation of the rain. 

“Hello, there,” he said. 

“Hi,” I said. 

“Hello, honey,” she said.

 He shook my hand and welcomed me to his trailer, than he gave her a little kiss on the mouth before we all went inside. 

The place was small and muddy and smelled like stale rain and had a large unmade bed that looked as if it had been a partner to some of the saddest love-making this side of The Cross.

 There was a green bushy half-table with a couple of insect-like chairs and a little sink and a small stove that was used for cooking and heating. 

There were some dirty dishes in the little sink. The dishes looked as if they had always been dirty: born dirty to last forever. 

I could hear a radio playing Western music someplace in the trailer, but I couldn’t find it. I looked all over but it was nowhere in sight. It was probably under a shirt or something. 

“He’s the kid with the typewriter,” she said. “He’ll get 1/3 for typing it.” 

“That sounds fair,” he said. “We need somebody to type it. I’ve never done anything like this before.” 

“Why don’t you show it to him?” she said. “He’d like to take a look at it.” 

“OK. But it isn’t too carefully written,” he said to me. “I only went to the fourth grade, so she’s going to edit it, straighten out the grammar and commas and stuff.”

 There was a notebook lying on the table, next to an ashtray that probably had 600 cigarette butts in it. The notebook had a color photograph of Hopalong Cassidy on the cover.

 Hopalong looked tired as if he had spent the previous night chasing starlets all over Hollywood and barely had enough strength to get back in the saddle. 

There were about twenty-five or thirty pages of writing in the notebook. It was written in a large grammar school sprawl: an unhappy marriage between printing and longhand.

 “It’s not finished yet,” he said. “You’ll type it. I’ll edit it. He’ll write it,” she said. 

It was a story about a young logger falling in love with a waitress. The novel began in 1935 in a café in North Bend, Oregon. 

The young logger was sitting at a table and the waitress was taking his order. She was very pretty with blond hair and rosy cheeks. The young logger was ordering veal cutlets with mashed potatoes and country gravy. 

“Yeah, I’ll do the editing. You can type it, can’t you? It’s not too bad, is it?” she said in a twelve- year-old voice with the Welfare peeking over her shoulder. 

“No,” I said. “It will be easy.” 

Suddenly the rain started to come down hard outside, without any warning, just suddenly great drops of rain that almost shook the trailer.

 You sur lik veel cutlets don’t you Maybell said she was holding her pensil up her mowth that was preti and red like an apl! 

Onli wen you take my oder Carl she said he was a kind of bassful loger but big and strong lik his dead who ownd the starmill!

 Ill mak sur you get plenty of gravi! 

Just ten then caf door opend and in cam Rins Adams he was hansom and mean, everi bodi in the thos parts was afrad of him but not Carl and his dead dad they wasnt afrad of him no sur! 

Maybell shifard wen she saw him standing ther in his blac macinaw he smild at her and Carl felt his blod run hot lik scalding coffee and fitting mad! 

Howdi ther Rins said Maybell blushed like a flower flouar while we were all sitting there in that rainy trailer, pounding at the gates of American literature. -Richard Brautigan

[suits-of-woe]

Richard III?

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

richard it is 100% richard he's one of the guys of all time he's bastard-coded and i think about him so much

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

i guess the princes? i don't know that anyone else in this play is like. cute. but they are soooooo :(((( actually though george can be scrunkly sometimes and that's fun

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

buckingham is such a fun character and every prod i've ever seen (which is like two granted) has had SUCH a sexy and charismatic actor for him he's honestly great. in an evil way but <3

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

when the ghost of henry vi shows up i go fucking insane

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

OOOH i feel like it's anne she goes through SO much man. i like when she's a little problematic but also so fucking sad. god. hugging her.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

edward iv deserves to get dunked on until the end of time i think

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

the problem is richard deserves it but i like him so. can i say the duchess of york? why are you so fucking mean to your son ma'am