#Red Callender
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dirtylowdown2 · 3 months ago
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Lester Young Jammin' The Blues 1944
“Beautifully filmed in glorious black and white it's a recreation of a jazz jam session from 1944. Superstar lineup featuring Lester Young, Red Callender, Illinois Jacquet, Jo Jones etc... Marie Bryant is the vocalist on Sunny Side of the Street.”
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jazzdailyblog · 1 year ago
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Charles Mingus: Jazz Icon and Musical Visionary
Introduction: Charles Mingus, a towering figure in jazz, was more than just a virtuoso bassist and composer—he was a visionary whose music transcended genres and boundaries. Born one hundred and two years ago today on April 22, 1922, in Nogales, Arizona, Mingus grew up in Watts, Los Angeles, where he was exposed to music at an early age. Despite his mother’s insistence on only allowing…
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jazzplusplus · 2 years ago
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1946 - Jazz at the Philharmonic - Masonic Temple - Detroit
Lester Young, Coleman Hawkins, Meade "Lux" Lewis, Helen Humes, Buck Clayton, Red Callender
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heavenlymorals · 1 year ago
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I know people want RDR3 to be about a young Dutch and Hosea or the Callender Boys but- and hear me out- what if it was instead about Lyle Morgan and the ending could be him earning his redemption by saving his son, but Arthur, being forced into such a cruel life at such a young age begins to harbor great resentment for Lyle. He hates the way they have to survive, he hates the fact that he had to sleep with an eye open at night, he hates that he no longer has the peace of a normal home.
He hates his father so much for that, but still- that's his father and he loves him, even if he'll never admit it. He wears his hat and keeps his picture because he still loves his father.
Lyle gets his redemption by saving his son before getting hung and if Rockstar continues the epilogue trend of having the second playable character have some sort of familial connection to the main protagonist, then we can play as a young Arthur getting picked up by Dutch and Hosea and we can see the beginning of the Van Der Linde gang.
Like- does it not make sense with the previous trends of the games?
I don't know, but I feel like that'd be pretty cool.
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nthspecialll · 6 months ago
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What are your thoughts on the Callendar brothers?
Oh I am glad you ask! While what we get to know is sniplets here and there, we do actually know a lot about them!
There are a few common factors between them. Both are described to be quite violent men that didn't really seem to regret any of their actions or think too deeply about it. They are also quite loud people, simiarly to Sean, who draws a lot of attention to themselves as many says camp won't be the same.
Mac is said to be quite physically strong and capable in a fight as he once beat up fifteen sailors at once, that said he is implied to have a softer side as Bill says "he was a heartless son of a bitch, but he had a heart."
Davey was a big drunk who loved poker and said he "build character."
While they seem to be pretty destructive, they seem to be well liked in camp as the majority of the remaining members mourn them, only really Charles seems to not be sad that they are gone.
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sheyri · 7 months ago
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battyaboutbooksreviews · 3 months ago
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❤️ Black History Month - Queer Books + Black Authors
🦇 Good evening, beloved bookish bats. I hope you're having a wonderful weekend so far! Are you trying to read more queer books this year? More books by diverse authors? Books by black authors, not only for Black History Month, but all year long? Do I have a list for you (now featuring four new slides / 48 new books!).
❓What queer book and/or book featuring black characters have you recently read? Which one is on your tbr?
❤️ The Taking of Jake Livingston - Ryan Douglass ❤️ Mademoiselle Revolution - Zoe Sivak ❤️ Brown Girl Dreaming - Jacqueline Woodson ❤️ Alex Wise vs. the End of the World - Terry J. Benton-Walker ❤️ The Forest Demands its Due - Kosoko Jackson ❤️ Monstrous - Jessica Lewis ❤️ Thank You for Sharing - Rachel Runya Katz ❤️ Salt the Water - Candice Iloh ❤️ Trailer Park Prince - Andre L. Bradley ❤️ Blessings - Chukwuebuka Ibeh ❤️ Escaping Mr. Rochester - L.L. McKinney ❤️ Whenever You’re Ready - Rachel Runya Katz
❤️ Blood Justice - Terry J. Benton-Walker ❤️ Something Kindred - Ciara Burch ❤️ Infinity Alchemist - Kacen Callender ❤️ Vagabonds! - Eloghosa Osunde ❤️ Songs of Irie - Asha Ashanti Bromfield ❤️ Love and Sportsball - Meka James ❤️ Dead Girls Walking - Sami Ellis ❤️ Sleep Like Death - Kalynn Bayron ❤️ Where Shadows Meet - Patrice Caldwell ❤️ Family Meal - Bryan Washington ❤️ Where Sleeping Girls Lie - Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé ❤️ Leather, Lace, and Locs - Anne Shade
❤️ Brooms - Jasmine Walls & Teo DuVall ❤️ Lush Lives - J. Vanessa Lyon ❤️ Second Night Stand - Karelia & Fay Stetz-Waters ❤️ Broughtupsy - Christina Cooke ❤️ Skye Falling - Mia McKenzie ❤️ It’s About Damn Time - Arlan Hamilton & Rachel L. Nelson ❤️ The Color Purple - Alice Walker ❤️ And Then He Sang a Lullaby - Ani Kayode ��️ Till the Last Beat of My Heart - Louangie Bou-Montes ❤️ Stars in Your Eyes - Kacen Callender ❤️ Prince of the Palisades - Julian Winters ❤️ Icarus - K. Ancrum
❤️ The Black Period - Hafizah Augustus Geter ❤️ How Long Til Black Future Month? - N. K. Jemisin ❤️ The Poisons We Drink - Bethany Baptiste ❤️ I Think They Love You - Julian Winters ❤️ Dear Senthuran - Akwaeke Emezi ❤️ Another Brooklyn - Jacqueline Woodson ❤️ D'Vaughn and Kris Plan a Wedding - Chencia C. Higgins ❤️ So Let Them Burn - Kamilah Cole ❤️ Sister Outsider - Audre Lorde ❤️ Red at the Bone - Jacqueline Woodson ❤️ How to Live Free in a Dangerous World - Shayla Lawson ❤️ I’m So (Not) Over You - Kosoko Jackson
❤️ Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender ❤️ Under the Udala Trees by Chinelo Okparanta ❤️ Warrior of the Wind by Suyi Davies Okungbowa ❤️ I'm a Wild Seed by Sharon Lee De La Cruz ❤️ Real Life by Brandon Taylor ❤️ Ruthless Pamela Jean by Carol Denise Mitchell ❤️ The Unbroken by C.L. Clark ❤️ Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Córdova ❤️ Skin Deep Magic by Craig Laurance Gidney ❤️ The Death of Vivek Oji by Akwaeke Emezi ❤️ That Could Be Enough by Alyssa Cole ❤️ Work for It by Talia Hibbert
❤️ All Boys Aren't Blue by George M. Johnson ❤️ The Deep by Rivers Solomon ❤️ How to Be Remy Cameron by Julian Winters ❤️ Running With Lions by Julian Winters ❤️ Right Where I Left You by Julian Winters ❤️ This Is Kind of an Epic Love Story by Kacen Callender ❤️ The Weight of the Stars by K. Ancrum ❤️ This Is What It Feels Like by Rebecca Barrow ❤️ Son of the Storm by Suyi Davies Okungbowa ❤️ Black Boy Joy by Kwame Mbalia ❤️ Legendborn by Tracy Deonn ❤️ The Wicker King by K. Ancrum
❤️ Pet by Akwaeke Emezi ❤️ You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson ❤️ Once Ghosted, Twice Shy by Alyssa Cole ❤️ Cinderella Is Dead by Kalynn Bayron ❤️ Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann ❤️ A Spectral Hue by Craig Laurance Gidney ❤️ Power & Magic by Joamette Gil ❤️ The Black Veins by Ashia Monet ❤️ Treasure by Rebekah Weatherspoon ❤️ The Sound of Stars by Alechia Dow ❤️ Black Leopard, Red Wolf by Marlon James ❤️ Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett
❤️ The Black Flamingo by Dean Atta ❤️ Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee ❤️ A Phoenix First Must Burn (edited) by Patrice Caldwell ❤️ Rise to the Sun by Leah Johnson ❤️ Things We Couldn't Say by Jay Coles ❤️ Black Boy Out of Time by Hari Ziyad ❤️ Darling by K. Ancrum ❤️ The Secrets of Eden by Brandon Goode ❤️ Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé ❤️ Off the Record by Camryn Garrett ❤️ Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers ❤️ The Henna Wars - Adiba Jaigirdar
❤️ How to Dispatch a Human by Stephanie Andrea Allen ❤️ Black Girl, Call Home by Jasmine Mans ❤️ The Essential June Jordan (edited) by Jan Heller Levi and Christoph Keller ❤️ A Master of Djinn by P. Djèlí Clark ❤️ A Blade So Black by L.L. McKinney ❤️ Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo ❤️ Dread Nation by Justina Ireland ❤️ Punch Me Up to the Gods by Brian Broome ❤️ Masquerade by Anne Shade ❤️ One of the Good Ones by Maika Moulite & Maritza Moulite ❤️ Soulstar by C.L. Polk ❤️ 100 Boyfriends by Brontez Purnell
❤️ Hurricane Child by Kacen Callender ❤️ Quietly Hostile by Samantha Irby ❤️ A Little Kissing Between Friends - Chencia C. Higgins ❤️ The Death of Vivek Oji by Akwaeke Emezi ❤️ If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann ❤️ Sweethand by N.G. Peltier ❤️ This Poison Heart by Kalynn Bayron ❤️ Better Off Red by Rebekah Weatherspoon ❤️ Friday I’m in Love by Camryn Garrett ❤️ Rainbow Milk by Paul Mendez ❤️ Memorial by Bryan Washington ❤️ Patsy by Nicole Y. Dennis-Benn
❤️ Sorrowland by Rivers Solomon ❤️ How to Find a Princess by Alyssa Cole ❤️ Yesterday is History by Kosoko Jackosn ❤️ Mouths of Rain (edited) by Briona Simone Jones ❤️ Dead Dead Girls by Nekesa Afia ❤️ Love's Divine by Ava Freeman ❤️ The Prophets by Robert Jones Jr ❤️ Odd One Out by Nic Stone ❤️ Symbiosis by Nicky Drayden ❤️ Thanks a Lot, Universe by Chad Lucas ❤️ The Passing Playbook by Isaac Fitzsimons ❤️ Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin
❤️ Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert ❤️ My Government Means to Kill Me by Rasheed Newson ❤️ Pleasure and Spice by Fiona Zedde ❤️ No Gods, No Monsters by Cadwell Turnbull ❤️ The Stars and the Blackness Between Them by Junauda Petrus ❤️ Filthy Animals by Brandon Taylor ❤️ The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin ❤️ Peaces by Helen Oyeyem ❤️ The Beauty That Remains by Ashley Woodfolk ❤️ Every Body Looking by Candice Iloh ❤️ Bingo Love by Tee Franklin, Jenn St-Onge, Joy San ❤️ The Heart Does Not Bend by Makeda Silvera
❤️ King and the Dragonflies by Kacen Callender ❤️ By Any Means Necessary by Candice Montgomery ❤️ Busy Ain't the Half of It by Frederick Smith & Chaz Lamar Cruz ❤️ Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo ❤️ Sin Against the Race by Gar McVey-Russell ❤️ Trumpet by Jackie Kay ❤️ Remembrance by Rita Woods ❤️ Daughters of Nri by Reni K. Amayo ❤️ You Know Me Well by Nina LaCour ❤️ The Summer of Everything by Julian Winters ❤️ Butter Honey Pig Bread by Francesca Ekwuyasi ❤️ Gingerbread by Helen Oyeyem
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torteen · 1 year ago
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This advertisement is for Infinity Alchemist, a dark academia fantasy about a quest that leads three young alchemists toward dangerous truth, legendary love, and extraordinary power from the bestselling and award-winning author of Felix Ever After, Kacen Callender.
The art featured in this image is by Chris Sack. 
WHAT’S IT ABOUT
Defy All Limits.
For Ash Woods, practicing alchemy is a crime. Only an elite few are legally permitted to study the science of magic—so when Ash is rejected by Lancaster College of Alchemic Science, he takes a job as the school’s groundskeeper instead, forced to learn alchemy in secret. When he’s discovered by the condescending and brilliant apprentice Ramsay Thorne, Ash is sure he's about to be arrested—but instead of calling the reds, Ramsay surprises Ash by making him an offer: Ramsay will keep Ash's secret if he helps her find the legendary Book of Source, a sacred text that gives its reader extraordinary power. As Ash and Ramsay work together and their feelings for each other grow, Ash discovers their mission is more dangerous than he imagined, pitting them against influential and powerful alchemists—Ash’s estranged father included. Ash’s journey takes him through the cities and wilds across New Anglia, forcing him to discover his own definition of true power and how far he and other alchemists will go to seize it.
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kasagia · 1 year ago
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Marry me (unless you don't want to)
Pairing: young! Coriolanus Snow x fem!Capitol!president! reader Summary: It's been a few years since you won the election for president of Panem. Your fiancé Coryo gives you many advices and is your support most of the time... but it doesn't take much for your pre-wedding idyll to turn into living hell. Can you stop it? Or maybe power is what matters most for both you and Coriolanus... Taglist: @uhnanix @serving-targaryen-realness @diannana @aoi-targaryen @omgsuperstarg @il0vebeingdelulu @chelseyyouraverageluigi @un06 @tallulah477 @snowspubes @hueanhdang @snowspubes @phsychobanana @blythlover Coriolanus Snow's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist From LYM "universum". Kind of part 3. 'Part 2' here.
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It's been few years of your term as president of Panem.
A lot has happened. Tigris started her own boutique. Coriolanus became the main Gamemaker after Dr. Gaul decided to retire and devote herself to her crazy research (controlled by your spices). The presidential gardens were filled with Coriolanus's grandmother's roses, which the Snows and you personally cared for.
Oh. And you and Coryo got engaged.
The wedding was fast approaching.
You weren't one of those brides who was picky and worried about the wedding. You had the whole Snow family for that and also your parents and Clem. Your only task was to fit into the dress and arrive on time. Sometimes, when your callender was a little emptier than usual, you went with Coriolanus to alcochol and food tastings for a wedding, but the decisions were mainly made by him. And he was very happy about it... and sometimes angry.
"How can you not see any difference in the colour of these roses?"
"Sweetheart..." you start, looking at the two light pink roses in his hands. "They are both very beautiful. Maybe let's make table bouquets out of both?"
He looks at you with more indignation than when you suggested not inviting to your wedding literally ALL OF the Academy students who happened to learn there with you over the years... not only from your classes BUT WHOLE FUCKING ACADEMY. And people from the university...
"Are we supposed to make a fool of ourselves by combining such drastically different roses?"
"You make the decision, Coryo. You know you always choose what's best for us." You decide on a different tactic and approach him. You place your hands on his chest and reach for his collar, pulling him in for a passionate kiss.
He moans into your mouth, surprised by your sudden action. He tosses the roses onto the chair and grabs your waist, pulling you closer to him. You smile as he starts groping your ass and pushing you down onto your desk.
"And yet I'm not the president." He whispers as he breaks away from your lips and begins to trail kisses down your neck.
"You said yourself that I would look prettier on banknotes than you would ever do." You tease him as he takes off your jacket and blouse. He licks his lips as he sees your blood-red, lacy bra.
"I lied to get under your dress." He replies smoothly, reaching for the zipper of your pants. "If I had known you were going to make it harder for me to have what's mine with those horrible things, I would have tried harder to win."
"Hey! Don't insult your cousin's work." You say, punching his shoulder. Suddenly, you realise that he's wearing a lot more clothes than you. You don't like it one bit. Especially since he had already ripped of your panties and started teasing with your pussy.
"And don't mention her when I'm preparing you for myself, Madam President. Which reminds me that… we haven't talked about our sournames after marriage yet." You only manage to take off his jacket and shirt before you freeze in surprise at his words. He undoes his belt and takes off his pants himself, freeing his hard length for your gaze.
"Now?" You moan as he slowly enters you. You freeze for a moment, getting used to the feeling of each other. You completely forgot about the conversation just now. Coryo rests his forehead against yours, keeping his hand intertwined with the back of your head, making sure you don't bang it against the desk too much. You open your eyes, and when you meet his icy blue irises, he starts thrusting into you. 
You dig your nails into his back, pressing his chest against yours as he pushes into you, leaving hickeys on your collarbone at the same time. You've never been more proud (and pleased) of his multitasking.
"Now is as good as any time. After all, maybe we're creating our heir right now. It would be good to know what his or her last name will be." You would laugh at that, but he pushes extra hard into you and into your most sensitive spot, making you moan.
"I don't want to destroy your dreams, fantasies, or discriminate against your strange kink, but I'm on contraceptive, so you'll have to wait, sweetheart." You manage to mutter out, gasping between his thrusts. You close your eyes, biting your lip as you melt into the feeling of him inside you. His other hand, which he had on your waist for a better angle, wraps around your neck. He squeezes gently, making you meet his gaze again.
"Your attempt to avoid answering my question is sweet, but you know that soon we both won't be able to string a sentence together, so just answer me, my little diamond. How do you want our future, little gamestones to be called? Snow? Y/L/N? Y/L/N-Snow? Or Snow-Y/L/N?" Each surname suggestion is preceded by a strong, quick push that you feel with your whole body. You are trembling under him as he fuckes a mind out of you right on your president's desk.
But you have enough common sense to know that you need to give him a piece of… something. If you don't want his lust for power to come back to the surface, you have to give him some power over your relationship… after all, you much prefer his lust for you.
"Snow…" You moan quietly, deciding you can give up your last name if he could give up the function of president for you… besides, you can always divorce him and come back to your surname. At least that's what you think. Although while being under him, when he pushes widly into you, you are not exactly sure about that.
"I didn't hear you. Can you repeat?" He teases you with a smirk. You would never admit that, but it makes him even more handsome while he is pounding into you and groaning like a madman.
"Snow!" Your moan echoes throughout the office, along with the sound of your wet bodies slapping against each other.
"What was that?" You swear he would have chuckled if he could... or maybe he even tried to, but the sensations he was giving you two made it turn into a moan that he tried to cover up with a growl.
"SNOW!" You scream, and a tear rolls down your cheek at how wonderful he makes you feel.
Coryo can't help but lean in and lick it off of your cheek, starting from the corner of your eyes and ending at your throat, where he leaves a hickey. You saw how pleased he was with this. How delighted he was with snow landing on top again...
Neither of you can hold back your urges anymore.
The sound of the door opening to your office brings you out of your thoughts. You'd blush a little if someone other than your fiancé came to you while you were reminiscing about one of your fucking sessions at your office.
"Coryo? What are you doing here, sweetheart?" You ask with a smile, getting up from the desk and walking over to him.
You were both pleased and surprised that he came to you. Usually, at this time, you two were in your offices working. You didn't have a lunch date with him until two hours later… he also never came to fuck you at high noon. No matter how horny he was…
The click of your high heels echoes around the office. You're about to lean in and try to kiss your ridiculously handsome fiancé on his cheek, but instead he pulls away and gives you one of his cold glares.
You frown at him in surprise. He never refused your acts of tenderness. You had such a rare opportunity to show it to him that he literally took everything you gave him. That's why you were so surprised when he cleared his throat and moved away from you instead. He walked over to your desk and looked at the papers you left there with feigned curiosity.
"I was passing by and decided to visit my beloved Madam President. I wonder... do you have something to tell me, my darling? Any new plans? Ideas?"
His question didn't usually arouse any suspicion in you. He often asked about how things were going and what you were working at. But today... today he was different. More calm and serene. He acted like he was wearing a mask of indifference in order to not make you suspicious. Unfortunately for him, or both of you, you knew him too damn well to let slip away even the slightest changes in his behaviour.
"I... I don't think I can recall anything you don't know about." You say this after a moment of thought, trying to figure out what could be the reason for his strange treatment.
"Really?" He asks with a mocking smile and puts his hands in his pockets. He stands in front of the window and stares at the Capitol, having his back at you. You don't like his pretentious and rude attitude. You walk up to him, and by the way his muscles are tensing, you know he's been watching your reflection in the window.
"Can you talk to me? Please? Like normal people do."
You sigh when you get no response from him. You take a step towards him, standing directly behind him, and put your hand in his pants pocket, taking his hand in yours. You notice that he had them clenched into fists, his nails almost digging into the inner skin of his palm to the blood.
"Did something happen? Because if something has happened, then we can talk about it." You say, resting your cheek on his back, letting him hide his expression and any emotions he was feeling from you. You place a small kiss on his neck, at the base of his hair follicles, but instead of calming him down, it enrages him even more.
He pulls your hand from his pocket and pushes it away. He walks away from you madly, walking around your desk, putting more distance (and objects) between you.
"Do you want to talk? Fine. Let's talk. Maybe about your latest project, huh? Cancelling the Hunger Games..." The silence in the room after his words increases the tension between you even more.
"Coryo..." You start to speak, your voice sweet and guilty, knowing you screwed up.
"DO NOT call me that! When did you want to tell me? At our wedding? 'Sweetheart, I have a great gift for you.'" He mocks you, pacing nervously around the room in front of your desk. You slowly walk around it, leaning against the desk as you look at him with your arms crossed.
"I admit, I should have done it earlier…"
"Don't you say?!" He cuts you off with an incredulous scream, rage seething from him like never before. And this time he actually had a reason to be mad at you... but it wasn't like you did it out of spite. You only wanted what was best for Panem. For all your people. With no exceptions. "Do you know how much I sacrificed for you?! WHAT am I willing to do for you, at the slightest damned word of yours?! I put up with your becoming president. I settled for the job of gamemaker, and now you want to take it away from me? What's next?! You know... you're going to destroy this fucking country by giving these district underdogs a freedom they don't deserve!"
"Don't you think that's how it should be? How the hell are they different from us?! How were Sejanus or Lucy Gray different…"
"DON'T EVEN FUCKING MENTION THEM!" His scream terrifies and silences you at the same time. Seeing the fear in your eyes caused a kind of strange pain in him he had never felt before—not since his time in District 12. His heart clenched as he saw you flinch. He didn't want you to be afraid of him. Not you. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw and fists. He bit his tongue, taking deep breaths as he tried to calm down before speaking again. "We need the Hunger Games. Otherwise, the districts will turn against us again."
He tries to explain his point of view to you and change your mind. He forces himself to look into your eyes again. Coriolanus calms down, sighing with relief, when he sees that you're no longer looking at him like a scared prey.
"How long do you think it will take for them to actually rebel? How long will the Capitol be able to murder 23 innocent children every year without a hint of rebellion? 30 Games? 50? 64?" You huff, disagreeing with his sick obsession with the Games.
"By working them to death they will not be able to think about rebellion. They will be guided only by the desire to survive and to fill their stomachs. There is no possibility of any rebellion."
"Hope dies last. If I were them, I would rather die fighting for my rights as a free human being than in the arena for the joy of sick people like Dr. Gaul and…" You bite your tongue at the last moment before you say the words that can't be taken back. But Coryo is too smart not to get what you mean.
"And who? C'mon. Finish." He asks angrily, looking at you defiantly. You clench your fists and look away from him, staring at the window overlooking the centre of the Capitol.
"Get out of my office." You say it in a tone devoid of any emotion, even though you're internally shaking hysterically.
This wasn't supposed to look like this. You had the whole plan ready, but of course Coriolanus wouldn't be himself if he didn't do something you didn't even think he could do.
You could have predicted that his spies would quickly inform him of your plans... you didn't expect it would happen the very next day after you submitted the draft for reading by your lawyers, the Prime Minister, and ministers.
"As you wish, Madam President. Don't forget about your wedding dress fitting with Tigris. Unless you don't want to marry a mad psychopath like me." He says coldly and walks towards the exit.
"Coryo..." He slams the door loudly behind him, leaving you alone in your office.
You shiver, rubbing your arms with your hands. You sit back at your desk and try to go back to the documents and reports you were looking through before he stormed into your office. You take the pen in your hand, but refrain from taking any further notes or comments. Your engagement ring is gleaming in the lamplight, mockingly reminding you that this man should be your support, not your opponent.
You've never felt so cold, empty, and alien there as you do now. And you involuntarily wonder if your marriage with Coryo will be like this. The eternal fight over who is right and who among you cares more about the Panem...
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"You don't look like the happiest future bride on earth. You're very quiet today. Has something happened?" Tigris' gentle question snapped you out of your thoughts.
You stood on the podium in her boutique in the private room where she created most of her designs. You wore your snow-white wedding dress, sewn by Tigris with her own hands. The blonde made a few more adjustments, perfecting it with each of your visits. You were supposed to look like a fucking queen. Clemensia sat on the couch across from the two of you and went through the various documents, reading the most important parts to you.
"Let's just say that…. Coryo and I have had… quieter days lately."
"I told you so." Clem says, looking through the papers sent to you by lawyers and ministers. "Coriolanus is an asshole. Besides, you hurt his alpha male pride. If this wedding is to take place at all, you either have to fuck him well and get pregnant or give up on your idea and leave him as a Gamemaker."
"Clemensia!" You hiss, both outraged by her words and the fact that Tigris accidentally stuck a pin into your thigh, shocked by the news.
"What? Am I not right? I worked with him for years, even before you started dating. I listened for hours about you and how perfect you were before he plucked up the courage to make a move. To be honest, I miss this Coryo."
"Wait... you want to fire him?" Tigris finally recovers from the shock and asks, standing up and shifting her gaze between you and Clemensia.
"No. Well… not exactly… I have some ideas, changes that do not require the position of a Gamemaker to exist anymore." You tell her, not revealing your entire plan.
You still weren't sure about your decision, but... wasn't this what you wanted to do all along?
You thoughtfully play with Sejanus' bracelet—another reason for your many arguments with Coriolanus. Your friend would definitely be cheering you on. He also considered the Games to be unnecessary barbarism. There certainly needs to be more people in the Capitol who are thinking again. More people like you and Sejanus.
"And he is mad?"
"Mad? That's an serious understatement." You mumble, letting go of the bracelet. You clear your throat, successfully holding back tears. You wish he were here to tell you what to do next. He gave some hint, anything.
"If you get pregnant, it won't be only to save your engagement; it will also warm up your image. The creation of a presidential family would overshadow the revolutions and changes you are planning to make. Think about it."
"I can also make him a prime minister to 'save my engagement', so you better shut up if you don't want to be just one of the ministers, Dovecote." You snap at her, knowing that the last thing you need right now is to carry Snow and Y/L/N's heir. You already have enough problems and confusion in your head.
"Yes, Madam President." She snorts, going back to the papers. You roll your eyes at her as she gives you a smirk. Sejanus may have been taken away from you, but at least you got Clem. It was good to have someone to rely on.
"Just talk to him."
"What?" You ask Tigris, torn from your thoughts about Sejanus.
"Talk to him. Explain why you are doing what you are doing." She says it as if it's just that easy. As if Coriolanus Snow could be convinced to do anything.
"I've tried. But he didn't listen to me. He's too stubborn to see what I want to do. And all I want is to guarantee the best future for Panem and all the people. Not just the Capitol's citizens."
"And if anyone can change his mind, then it is you. He… he is different. Because of you. You are showing him that all he believes in and all the things he learned under Dr. Gaul's eye weren't entirely true. You are bringing his good side back to life. I… I started lately to see my cousin instead of the cold version of his father he became. Just… please talk to him. Show him that he can be good."
Silence falls between you; even Clem has stopped turning the pages of paper. You both stare at Tigirs, remembering Coryo before the Hunger Games... before Lucy Gray and Dr. Gaul.
"You, Snows, and your stupid ability to use pretty words to manipulate people into doing what you want will be the reason for my end." You sigh, realising that you have to cancel the rest of your meetings and go to his place.
"Nothing bad will happen as long as our intentions are pure. Besides, you'll be one of us soon. You will receive this gift with a wedding ring." She says with a smile as she finishes the final touches, she stands in front of you and looks at you carefully, her eyes brightening and her smile widening. She beams with pride and delight. "For me, you look breath-taking. What do you think? Do you like it?"
"It's... amazing. Perfect. If only the groom was also like that, then I wouldn't have to worry about my wedding at all." You say, looking at yourself in the mirror, thinking about what you will say to him to appease him somehow or what position to promise him.
"You will be fine. Coryo won't be mad at you for long. He loves you. Trully. He will do everything for you."
"Even he has his boundaries. I just hope I didn't push him too far this time." You respond pessimistically to Tigris' assurances.
"You should go and talk to him before Dr. Gaul finds out about your quarrel and catches him. This woman is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to bring you down, and turning Coriolanus against you would greatly help her in this plan. Also, great dress, Tigris. She looks amazing. She will look wonderful in wedding photos. Panem will go crazy with delight."
Clem was right. People would love it. The only question is whether what was between you and Coryo really was genuine love or whether it turned into part of your presidential public image...
Sejanus' bracelet and Coriolanus' engagement ring have never weighed so heavily on your wrist and finger as they do now.
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You've only been nervous a few times in your life.
During the university entrance exam, while defending your master's, bachelor's, and doctoral theses, and now, going to your fiancé's apartment with wine and a cake from the pastry shop he loved (the bastard wouldn't admit it to anyone, but you noticed how quickly these cakes disappeared from his plate.)
You walk past the avox and the security guards, leaving your security outside, as you unlock the door to his apartment with trembling hands.
"Coryo?!" You shout, placing your 'gifts' on the table near the front door and hanging up your coat. When you don't get an answer, you grab your things and go deeper into the apartment. "I know you're here! Don't play hide and seek and come here; I just want to talk!"
You say it loudly as you enter the living room. Putting aside the wine and cookies, a photo on the coffee table catches your eye. You take the photo frame and smile slightly as you see the photo from your engagement.
You can't help but run your finger tenderly over the photo, memories of that evening coming to your mind involuntarily.
"Where's your jacket?" Coriolanus asks you, covering you in his red one as you step out into the cool air. You needed a break from people and the loud party you threw at the presidential palace to celebrate the upcoming Christmas. Your boyfriend accompanied you faithfully, taking you out to the gardens of your grand mansion.
"I didn't wear it. Tigirs made it for me, but it didn't match the dress. Besides, I'm at home. Why would I need a jacket or a coat?"
"Who do you think told her to sew it? She spent an hour complaining that she was already giving you back the dress and that whatever she made for you wouldn't match it perfectly now. Cover yourself up. I don't want you to catch a cold; this week will be very intense anyway. Everyone goes crazy before Christmas. Dr. Gaul started to experiment with a kind of poison made from the venom of some specific genetically modified vipers that breed in snow heaps and are able to survive extreme conditions." He grumbles, standing in front of you and buttoning up a jacket up to your neck.
You smile and can't help but lean forward and kiss him sweetly. He hums against your lips, tangling his hand in your hair and pulling you closer to him. After a moment, he pulls away, content to welcome your rosy cheeks, and pulls you closer to him to make sure the heat doesn't escape from your body so quickly as you stroll lazily through the gardens.
"I see she's giving you great ideas for the winter edition of The Hunger Games, Mr. Gamemaker." You tease him with a smirk, at which he rolls his eyes and holds you tighter against him.
"I would prefer it if she stopped. The games are already mine. She should stay in her lab and out of my business."
"You don't get along anymore? I tought that she loved you. And you were delighted with her attention." You ask, curious about his obvious reluctance and the cold way he spoke about her.
"We have one… controversial issue." He answers evasively, looking at the roses his grandmother planted in the greenhouse you were passing by. You frown, watching him carefully as you question him.
"That is?"
"You." He answers briefly, not bothering to come up with any lies. He knows very well that sooner or later you will find out about... his soured relationship with Dr. Gaul.
"Oh... me?" You asked him, surprised. He doesn't look you in the eyes, but you can see from the way his jaw clenches at the memory of the conversation that led to their conflict that it was... quite serious. You didn't expect that Coriolanus would argue with Gaul about YOU.
"Don't make those innocent eyes. You know exactly what I'm talking about." He says this, looking at you briefly. He turns into an alley, leading you two to the deeper parts of the gardens where only your gardeners went... "Gaul thinks you're an incompetent child who doesn't know anything about government or how to keep people in line. That you will plunge this country within a few years, and your rule will lead to a rebellion, which the Capitol will lose in a very bloody and painful way. To which I disagreed... quite strongly, which she didn't like, so she called me your faithful errand dog, waiting for leftovers from your table. I think you can guess how I reacted."
"That old madwoman should be glad I left her alone in her lab. Even though I have reasons to send her to prison." You are furious about the news he told you. You stop, making him turn to fully look at you. He can't help but smile in amusement when he sees how cute you look when you're mad at someone other than him. This is definitely a nice change for him. "You're not some fucking dog or lesser man, Coryo. We are partners. Equal ones. I hope you know that. And maybe Dr. Gaul won't live long enough to see me... us, leading Panem to greatness, but it doesn't change that people will be better under our rules. I promised myself we would never suffer from hunger again. Not any citizen of the Capitol and districts."
"Districts?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.
"They are people too." You reply, placing your hands in his jacket pockets to warm yourself up a bit. Seeing this, he pulls you towards him and leads you towards the gazebo. It should protect you from the wind enough to make you warm again.
"And they were the reason for our suffering."
"True. But people change. And now we are the reason for their suffering. So what makes us different? Apart from nice clothes and well-groomed skin?" You answer after a moment of silence.
"You talk like Sejanus." He sighs, unable to stop himself from comparing your utopian visions of harmonious life with the Districts to Plinth's desires.
"He was a good man. And a friend." You say it quietly, remembering your friend fondly. You mindlessly play with the bracelet he gave you, which catches Coriolanus' attention. He looks at this scrap of jewellery with a hateful look, jealous that you value some stupid item so much.
"Not like me, right?" He asks, laughing bitterly and shaking his head. You frown and shift your confused gaze towards him.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing." He tries to back away, but your inquisitive gaze and the anger bubbling within him make him throw away his common sense and let his jealousy and resentment flow out. "He will always be a saint in your eyes, right? He died a martyr. He wanted to help the districts. Does that make me an executioner in your eyes? A sinner maybe?"
"No. I'm not comparing you to him. You are from two different worlds. He was a boy from the district, and he saw these people for what they were. Humans. Just wanting what they should have. Equality. And you... you are from the Capitol. You saw the cruelty of the rebellion and the fighting. Your father, mother, and sister died. You lost... a big part of yourself at a very young age. With them. And you have a right to feel resentment, anger, and hatred towards the people of the district, but imagine that somewhere there lives a man who went through similar things, but at the hands of people from the Capitol. Are you surprised that they are distrustful? That they see us as a threat? That they want to get rid of us and finally have their freedom? That they don't want to be threatened with the possibility of death in the Hunger Games? Wouldn't you object? Wouldn't you rebel?"
"It doesn't matter. We won't reconcile. Our wounds are too deep, and our resentments are too fresh. Do you think the families who lost loved ones will accept these... people from the district as equals? That we will create one happy, wonderful country, as our naive Sejanus wanted, against whom the people he helped turned? You don't know what the people of the district are like. They are treacherous dogs, even worse than me. You don't know when they will decide to drop their façade of kindness and give you a fatal bite like the most venomous snake."
"You... you have right. I don't know. Maybe they are like that, or maybe not. But deepening these wounds will do no good, Coryo." He huffs, shaking his head, when he hears his nickname coming out of your lips.
"Coryo... how can you say that to me when all I can see in your eyes is how you despise me for sending him to death? You abhor hypocrisy, but here you are, still holding a grudge against me, aren't you?"
"No. Neither of us is crystal clear. And maybe you want to tell yourself that you're a selfish asshole who doesn't feel anything, but I know... I see how he haunts you. And she. You're not a monster, Coryo. No matter how much you want to make other people and maybe even yourself believe in it. You are not an enforcer or a tyrant. Gaul wants you to be. She wants to make you as cold and uncaring as her. But it's not you. And do you know how I know this?"
"How?" He asks mockingly, trying to keep up his indifferent façade. And maybe he can lie to everyone around him, but not to you. Not when you've known him for so many years, almost better than yourself.
"Because you love me. And as long as you are able to love someone more than you love yourself, then you cannot be a monster." You say this, looking into his eyes.
He blinks a few times and turns his head, shifting his gaze to the vines wrapping around the columns of the gazebo. You watch him as he swallows and clears his throat, bringing his voice down to a flat tone, before he looks at you again.
"And how are you so sure that I'm doing this? That I love you more than anything?"
"Well, starting with you not sabotaging my presidency, which you could do very easily, and ending with this." You say calmly as you fish a small, velvety box out of the pocket of his jacket you're waering and open it, revealing a beautiful, breathtaking engagement ring to the both of you.
You both remain silent. He looks at the ring in shock, as if you were the one proposing to him, while you study the expression on his face, only more reassuring yourself of the decision you made the moment your fingertips felt the velvet box in his jacket's pocket.
"That's why I wanted you to have your own jacket..." He sighs, taking the ring from you and playing with the small box. "I had a whole plan ready, but as usual, you come in and ruin everything. And I certainly didn't want to ask you this question the same night when we were discussing my questionable morals."
"You've got some. Microscopic, but still." He laughs at this, which makes you smile involuntarily.
His icy blue irises look at you with something so... warm and tender, so unlike Coriolanus, who hangs out with the crowd of important people in the Capitol, and so like your dear Coryo, that you almost melt in front of him.
You stick out your hand (the one without the Sejanus' bracelet), which he takes without hesitation. He strokes the back of your hand gently with his thumb, thinking hard about something before looking back at you.
"You sure? Because there is no turning back from there. In the eyes of the Capitol, it's as if we've already exchanged wedding rings."
"That's actually very sweet and artificial, you know? You are trying to be a gentleman while we both know damn well that all you want is to put that ring on my finger and make me finally yours." You say it playfully, smiling widely.
"Y/N. I need an answer." He responds in the same calm tone as before, but you can see from the slight shaking in his hands that this is also a poignant moment for him in his own way. Coriolanus Snow and feelings. To you. The world went mad... maybe it already did on the day you became president instead of him.
"And I need a question." You tease him, and he sighs in irritation, but he can't stop the smirk forming on his lips.
However, he suddenly becomes serious, and instead of continuing your game, he takes the ring out of the box, strokes gently your palm and ring finger, and asks, still looking into your eyes with an unexpected tenderness.
"Y/N Y/L/N... will you take me as I am and agree to marry me?"
"Now this is a bit of a trick question." You joke after swallowing, trying your best to hold back the tears that are coming with the question you would never expect him to ask you.
"Y/N..."
"Yes. Yes, I will marry you, Coriolanus Snow." You interrupt him. Before he can complain and lecture you for not respecting the big step you're taking for your future, you cup his cheeks with your hands and pull him in for a kiss.
The photo shows this moment. One of the paparazzi took it after sneaking past your security and following you two into the gardens. It shows you and Coryo kissing, holding each other close in an embrace, as you two celebrate your engagement. The ring that he had somehow managed to place on your finger before you hungrily pressed your lips against his was glowing in the moonlight and looked perfect in the photo.
You smile fondly, filled with nostalgia.
"I accept only wrotten apology." Coriolanus' voice brought you out of your thoughts. You set the photo down on the coffee table and turned to face him. He looked impeccable as always. The only thing that would have betrayed his earlier nervous and angry state was his slightly ruffled hair and the lack of a tie. The first buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned, giving you a perfect view of his Adam's apple, neck, and part of his collarbone.
"Me too." You finally say, keeping your mind from wandering to the dirty memories you had of him.
"You too?" He asks, surprised, crossing his arms. You lift your chin slightly, looking at him defiantly, and answer in a calm but firm voice.
"I agree. I did a bad thing. I should have spoken to you before making any documents or plans. But I am not the only guilty one here. You were spying on me. You sent your men after me to watch my every step." You accuse him in a resentful tone of voice. To which he just laughs mockingly, ignoring your furious look.
"Please... as if you didn't have your men or women watching my back and telling you about everything I do."
"And how am I supposed to trust you?! You killed 3 people or maybe even more, that's not the thing that's simply can be forgotten." You explode, unable to control your emotions anymore. His gaze darkens as well, and his eyes glow, sharing your fiery fury.
"And how am I supposed to trust you that you don't just set all of the Panem on fire by your orders?! I wanted to be president all my life. You wanted it only for several months." He stops, looks at something in your hand, and laughs bitterly. You curse internally when you see his eyes fall on Sejan's bracelet. He grabs your wrist and turns the bracelet in his hand before his icy irises shift back to you, making you shiver. "As I see, good old Sejanus is ruining my life even from beyond the grave. Why are you wearing it again? Are you feeling remorseful, darling? The anniversary of the death of that district scumbag is coming up, and you magically start to remember that I have no conscience? That you can't trust me? That's amazing how hypocritical you can be. If I were you and wore any jewellery from Lucy Gray, especially after I promised you I wouldn't do it again like you did after our engagement, you would go mad, suspicious, and probably demand from me to destroy it. But you can do everything you want, won't you, Madame President?"
"So we don't trust each other. Perfect future marriage." You sneer fiercely, pulling your hand from his strong grip as he presses your buttons precisely.
"Don't bring our engagement into this. The problem is what you do as president, not us."
"Why shouldn't I? Because at home you are my Coryo and outside the walls of your apartament you are Coriolanus?" You mock him, unconsciously taking a step towards him. He accepts your challenge and equally furiously invades your personal space as you stare at each other defiantly.
"You still think I am like a fucking coin?! That I have two sides—one for my family and the other to show for our people?"
"I AM PRESIDENT. Not you. They are MINE pepople, not ours!"
You regret your words as soon as they leave your mouth. For a moment, you think he's going to slap you; you wouldn't be surprised if he did. But he didn't. He takes a step back and closes his eyes, breathing deeply and trying to calm down. You take a step towards him and reach for him, but the stern look in his icy eyes stops you.
"If that's what you say, Madam President. But if I were you, I would consider which one you love—who I am or who I was. Because if it's the latter... then maybe we shouldn't get married. Although I think you always preferred Sejanus. What a pity that the worms have already eaten his corpse. You would be worth each other."
You freeze at his words. A loud bang on the door wakes you from your stupor, making you flinch. You sigh and run a hand through your hair. Sejanus' bracelet gets caught in them. You curse and somehow untangle it from your hair. You play with it in your hand for a moment.
"Coryo..." You start, hoping he hears you, and he leaves.
When there is no response from your fiancé, he walks to his bedroom door, and you knock once and remove the bracelet from your wrist.
"Coryo, I am sorry!" You try, but once again, you are only met with silence.
Anger begins to build within you again. Because how can you talk to him normally and apologise to him when he locks himself in a room like a rebellious teenager? You slam your hand on his door in frustration, letting out an angry scream.
"FINE! BE A BRAT! Call me when your period will end, Snow!"
You throw the bracelet on the floor in front of his door and quickly walk out of the apartment, forgetting to grab your coat. You avoid the avox, security, and all the other annoying people and practically run to your car. You stop at the front desk to tell Clem to cancel all your appointments for today and tomorrow morning. You get in your car, wanting only to drown your sorrows in wine and the hot tub in your presidential palace. You could take some time off from time to time. After all, you have already been the worst president of all time in the eyes of your man.
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"Smile!" The photographer says this before the spotlight blinds you. Coriolanus's arm wraps tighter around your waist—perfect for the photo—and so you can feel him tightening around you in a little painful way, so it's hard for you to breathe. You feel like a snake or gorset were around you. "Perfect! Maybe you can kiss now?"
You don't have to turn around to know Coriolanus has that smug, cocky smirk on his face.
You shouldn't be here with him. But your wedding rehearsal couldn't be postponed due to your argument, so instead you dressed up as best as you could so he could see what he had missed during these weeks of silent war between you.
But for now, he was the one having the time of his life, watching you get more and more irritated with his closeness to you. He could notice it even behind your perfect fake smile.
You gasp softly in surprise as he pulls you in for a passionate kiss. If you had an audience, they would surely gasp with delight, judging by how quickly the light flashed and how many photos the photographer took of both of you before you stepped away from Coriolanus.
"Great! Thank you very much. That's all from my side, unless you want another photo, Mr. and Mrs. President?" You'd roll your eyes if you could. Not married yet, and he already has your title.
"That's enough for now. Thank you, Colin." Coriolanus replied for the two of you.
He puts his hand on your shoulders and pulls you into his side. You'd elbow him in the ribs, but you decide to hold back until the photographer leaves you alone.
"Is something wrong, honey?" He asks in a sweet, artificially concerned tone of voice as the photographer gathers his things.
"Not at all, sweetheart." You reply with a smile that disappears from your face as quickly as the door closes behind Colin. You push his hands off of you and look at him, furious. "Did you have to? I'm sure they'll print THIS photo on the entire front page of the newspaper."
He just shrugs and grabs a strand of your hair, smoothing it out.
"I do not see any problem. We're getting married, after all. Unless you're planning something else behind my back that I don't know about? Then this photo might make you look like a heartless bitch after our breakup."
"We both know it's better to be a widow than a whore." Your little threat is met with a mocking laugh from him. He shakes his head in amusement and leans towards you. You tense up, feeling his breath on your cheek as he whispers in your ear.
"Do you wish me dead? You pick up on my habits pretty quickly, Madam President." He pulls away and winks at you, clearly seeing how his closeness has affected you. His hand trails lazily from your neck, over your collarbones, down the side of your breast, and down your waist, until it settles on your hip. You shiver, feeling his electric touch through your clothes. "Come on, honey. Let's get back to the guests before they drink all our supplies, and we won't have anything good left for our real wedding."
Before you can say anything, he tightens his grip and pulls you closer to him. You both leave the room and return to the ballroom in the presidential palace.
You may be angry at each other, and there's a festering resentment between you, but in a strange way, his presence and his hand on your waist calm you down in a crowd of people. He could be a great foil when he stayed silent and didn't try to convince you of his views.
Your thoughts involuntarily turn to what your spies have told you. Coriolanus has been doing some district travel lately. They didn't know for what purpose. He disappeared for several hours in different houses. He rarely stayed there overnight, usually boarding the train right away and returning to the Capitol. You didn't like it. Even more so, your first thought was that he was with HER.
You don't know what was worse. The fact that maybe he was cheating on you, the fact that your first thought was that he wasn't plotting against you but that he had reconciled with his songbird and was spending time with her in different neighbourhoods, or the fact that you felt immense jealousy and rage at the thought that someone else touched your fiancé besides you. And it wasn't even anger at him. It was at Lucy Gray.
Pathetic, how you could let him become such an important part of you, how he slipped back and nested in your heart, poisoning it with sweet words just to regain your affection and trust. And then he attacked you every day, testing your limits and seeing how far he could go in his plotting to keep you from paying attention to him.
He was like a snake. But he was your snake. And you wanted to live in the naive belief that maybe you could tame him, just like Dr. Gaul did with her own snakes.
You look at him as he smiles, showing off a row of his pearly snow teeth as he talks to some minister of yours. You don't pay too much attention to the conversations and people around you, letting him take over. You don't miss how some of the Capitol's most important figures call him Mr. President. You ignore it. For now, you have something completely different on your mind. Or rather, someone...
"Y/N? What's wrong with you?" Coriolanus' question brings you out of your thoughts about his possible affair. You still wonder if they could really get back together. After all, Lucy Gray is alive thanks to him, and he followed her to District 12. You flinch, feeling his hands on your shoulder and one caressing the side of your neck as he gently forces you to look into his eyes. You can really see genuine concern and anxiety in them. Does he start to suspect that you know that he can... "Look at me, diamond. I'm really starting to worry now. What's going on?"
You don't have time to answer him, even if you wanted to. Festus staggers onto the stage, and you already know that this is a harbinger of disaster.
Coriolanus stands next to you reluctantly, clearly preferring to finish the conversation rather than listen to your former academy colleague make a toast.
"Hello everyone. Please give me a little attention. I've known our presidential couple since we started the Academy, and to be honest, I never thought that someone like Y/N would actually end up with our Coriolanus, but as you can see, fate likes to be funny and do ridiculous things. Nevertheless, I'd like to make a toast! A toast to Y/N! Always the second love, never the first. I hope you know what you are doing by marrying this narcissist asshole, Madam President."
Surprisingly, the crowd sees this as a joke and is not outraged by it. After all, in public opinion, you were a perfect couple, and Coriolanus was staring at you with the eyes of a lovesick puppy.
But you took it completely differently. And this supposedly funny toast from Festus only deepened your doubts. Judging by the way Coryo tensed up, he noticed how it affected you.
"Excuse me for a moment." You say this, feeling yourself getting more and more short of breath. You don't bother listening to what he says back. All you can think about now is getting out of there as quickly as possible before you start crying.
Fortunately, Coriolanus doesn't follow you. Out of the corner of your eye, you see him furiously approaching the drunken Festus. You don't give the two a second thought as you run to the guest bathroom. You close the door behind you and rest your hands on the sink.
You hyperventilate, trying not to think about how painfully true Festus' words were.
Coriolanus had only two true loves, for which he was willing to sacrifice himself completely.
Power and Lucy Gray.
He devoted his entire life to one thing: trying to be the best in the Academy, the best in the eyes of Dr. Gaul, the best in the University, the best in the eyes of the Capitol, a gamemaker, and the future president—a position you took away from him.
And for Lucy, Gray gave up his dreams. Damn, you know he would fucking run away with her, sacrificing his entire life, if these two were able to trust each other and love each other despite their flaws and differences.
So how could you ever compete with that? When he never put you first, when he never cared about you that much to make any sacrifices for you, how long could you fool yourself into thinking that he loved you when clearly everything he did was to become president?
People already called him that. In a few years after your wedding, who knows how he will manipulate them? How will he manipulate you and everyone around you? That he won't declare himself president and remove you from your place, making you his First Lady, just as he always wanted?
No. He didn't love you. Festus was right. You would always be the other one. It doesn't matter whether his songbird or lust for power are on his pedestal.
You shiver when, in the middle of your sobs, someone hugs you tightly and presses you against a hard, muscled chest.
"Shhh. All right. I'm going to kill that son of a bitch. He will pay for your tears... just... please stop. You know it's not true; you know he lied, that it was his drunken gibberish, and he doesn't know what he's talking about, right? Y/N, you know that you are my one and only, my chosen one, my destiny, right? That it was always you? At every moment, even the darkest? Y/N?"
You cling to him, frantically grabbing at his shirt. He places his hand on your head and presses you against him, feeling you shake and struggle to catch your breath between your cries. He strokes your hair tenderly and places kisses on your temple and forehead, never letting go of you as he only tightens his embrace.
He doesn't say anything anymore. He knows that it doesn't make sense that you just need to let out the emotions of the whole month and that you just need him close to you. And maybe his reaction is not appropriate, but he warms up internally at the thought that it is HIM that you cling to in your most difficult times, that you seek his comfort even when you are in great conflict with each other. And somehow he forgets that you plan to take away his role as Gamemaker and that you plan to take down the Hunger Games behind his back.
"You broke the door." You finally say when you calm down, not moving away from him just yet.
"I heard you crying. My peacekeeper's instinct took over." You'd laugh at this if you were in better condition. All you can do is breathe in the faint scent of his perfume and the white rose he has pinned to his jacket.
"You were a peacekeeper only for one summer." You mumble, breathing steadily. You slowly started to calm down, enough that you were no longer in danger of shedding any more tears.
You pull away from him, which he reluctantly allows you to do. You take the paper and wipe the tears from your face, checking yourself in the mirror. Out of the corner of your eye, you see that his shirt is black with your mascara and smeared with makeup that you left behind as you buried your face into his chest.
"And without you by my side, it felt like years." You catch his gaze in the mirror as he looks at you carefully. You had no idea why you reacted like that or why you fell straight into his arms and let him hold you. You felt stupid that he saw you in such a... moment of vulnerability.
"You had Lucy Gray. Maybe you still have her?" You ask, turning to face him.
You don't know what's on his face more—surprise or anger—but you definitely know that he doesn't like your gentle accusations. He walks towards you, making you take a step back and hit the sink behind you with your hips.
"No. Don't let that drunkard convince you that there's something more important to me than you. And definitely not that district bitch." He says this, placing his hands on your shoulders. His gaze is so intensely focused on your eyes that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Something like doubt begins to bloom in your chest, but Festus' words are still fresh in your mind.
Always the second love, never the first.
In your eyes, he's lying. He says sweet words to calm your guard down. He may not have loved Lucy Gray, but he didn't love you either. Only one thing mattered to him. Power. Maybe it's finally time to stop fooling yourself into thinking that he can be different?
"I don't believe you. And the problem is, I don't think I ever will again, Coriolanus. I thought that we... that we could be like we were before, but maybe you're right. Maybe I only love you for who you were. Maybe I am a hypocrite. But I want to marry someone for whom I will be most important. I want to marry someone who can sacrifice everything for me. And maybe I'm asking too much; maybe I'm fucking selfish—I don't care. But I don't want to marry someone to whom I mean less than the whole world."
You say all this with tears in your eyes. You don't feel like pretending to him that you don't care or that you're strong. You've been like this for far too long. Somehow, you manage to push past him and head towards the exit.
"Y/N..." You ignore his soft calls and close the door behind you.
You're not coming back to the party. You don't feel strong enough to go back there and pretend that everything is fine, that your heart is not broken, that you are not devastated, and that you don't know what to do next, neither with Coryo nor with Panem. You go straight to the exit of the mansion. You nod to your driver and get in the car with him, giving him the address of Clem's apartment.
You will call her from her apartment and tell her that you are avoiding your fiancé for now and that you need to think about some important things. You just hope she doesn't get mad that you're out of sight of the Capitol for a few days.
You needed rest. Or a longer vacation. The process of phasing out The Hunger Games has been a migraine-inducing experience from the very beginning. You were afraid to think about how it would all turn out and end.
You didn't actually have to think about it for long.
The car skidded strangely, and even though you were wearing your seat belt, it's throwing you forward and then backward. You groan as you feel the side of the car's body crumple inward under the pressure of the other car. You hear nothing—no sound—as you feel the bone in your leg break under the pressure of the other car, even though you swear you take a deep breath to scream. The last thing you remember before you pass out is a warm feeling spreading throughout your body.
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"Clemensia. Where the hell is she?" Coriolanus approaches the Prime Minister, glaring at her furiously.
"Can't you see I'm trying to track her down?! Peacekeepers are looking for her everywhere. One of the lackeys says he saw her driver leaving here before the explosion; maybe she escaped before they blew up half of the presidential palace."
"It's better for you to be like this." He growls at her, furious. You were supposed to be with him all the time. You and Tigris were supposed to be far from danger. He only managed to keep an eye on his cousin. That wasn't his plan for the evening. How could he keep forgetting your ability to ruin all his ideas and assumptions? Next time, he will tie you to himself.
"Don't talk to me like that, Coriolanus. I've known you for too long. Besides, I'm the prime minister. If my suspicions are correct and this little attack on the presidential palace by the district's rebels the day before we announced our plan to take down the Hunger Games is not their own idea, then I will make sure Y/N's disappearance is your last concern."
"Are you threatening me?" He asks, raising an eyebrow questioningly. He takes a step towards her, making sure he is towering over her and looking down at her intimidatingly.
She tries to hide her nervousness, but by the way she swallows and the fear shining in her eyes, he knows that even though she's acting tough, she's still afraid of him. Like everyone in the Capitol. He would make sure that Clemensia would never again dare to put her above him. After all, he could always get rid of the prime minister. As the president's husband (and maybe, in the future, a full president), he would have enough power and connections to do that. But he would have to convince you of it first...
"I'm warning you. Like an ex-friend." Her voice brings him out of his thoughts. He laughs derisively and shakes his head in amusement before returning to his intimidating stance.
"So let me warn you too. If something happened to her, if her disappearance wasn't her own will, I'll make sure you hang with those district scumbags. You, your family, aunts and uncles, and whoever is close to or related to you. I'll erase your family name from the Capitol records." He says, leaning close enough to her so that no one accidentally overhears what he's saying, while making sure he's close enough for it to be appropriate. He doesn't want you to be jealous. Maybe a little. But definitely not now, when your engagement and marriage are in question.
“You don't have that kind of fucking power.”
"Maybe I don't. But I'm sure that Dr. Gaul's snakes would love to play with you again. Maybe this time they will be more poisonous?" He says it with a mischievous smirk as she turns pale at his words. She knows she's flooded with memories of the 10th Hunger Games and what Gaul did to her. He winks at her and walks away, not sparing her a second glance.
He doesn't wait for her answer. After all, he has more important things to worry about than arguing with his former friend.
He passes people treated by rescuers and gracefully jumps over the ruins of the eastern part of the presidential palace. He will have to hang more rebels than he thought. He finally agreed with them that only the ballroom would explode, not the entire wing. He would have the heads of all of them if something happened to you.
"Private." He calls out to one of the peacekeepers. A man younger than him walks up to him and bows respectfully.
"President Snow. How may I serve, sir?" He would smile at how he calls him if your health and safety weren't on his mind.
He barks dry and sharp orders at him and orders some of the peacekeepers to lock up and guard the rebels and shoot any unnecessary ones right away. Coriolanus didn't want to waste any time. He sends the rest of the men, along with the higher ranks, to secure the Capitol grounds against any escapes. His silent command is clear. Everyone must be captured by dawn, or inept peackeepers will take the place of those missing.
He notices that the people around him are quite quick to accept him as the new leader, even despite Dovecote's protests.
Coriolanus finds this logical. After all, after you, he is the next and only competent entity. He probably would have basked in his power if one of the soldiers hadn't handed him a phone. A call from the hospital.
"Madam President had a car accident. The rebels tracked her car and drove into the side; some of them set the car on fire, but fortunately someone got her out of there before the worst happened. We are stabilising her condition all the time, but..."
"If you let her die, I will consider it treason and an attack on the head of state. All hospital staff will become traitors like those rebels from the districts and punished even worse than them; tell this to the doctors. In fact, I'll do it myself as soon as I get there. Have a nice night." He hangs up the phone and, after a quick conversation with a council of people closest to you, a plan of action with the press spokesman, and a very hateful tussle with Dovecote over the car, which he obviously wins, gets into the car and drives himself to the hospital.
Because no matter what happens, you are his priority. He's going to assure you of that.
He parks his car anywhere and runs up the hospital stairs. When the nurses see him, they run away, dragging trolleys with other patients. He manages to grab one of them painfully by the elbow and ask about your whereabouts. The nurse sighs in relief when she doesn't say anything in return, and he immediately heads to the room you are in.
He sees you in various states. Burned from head to toe, broken bones, bruised. He feels his inner anger rising along with his anxiety as various scenarios run through his head.
In each of them, you are barely clinging to life, but you are alive because Coriolanus cannot imagine existing in a world without you. You can hate him, you can curse him, and you can distrust him, but you MUST LIVE. For him.
But in neither of them does he imagine Lucy Gray sitting by your side.
"Touch her, and I'll break all your bones and put you in prison with a muzzle on your mouth so you can't sing for the rest of your miserable life." He doesn't know how, but he manages to get over his initial shock and threatens her, closing the door behind him with a loud bang.
She doesn't even flinch. In fact, she is not taking her eyes off of you. She looks just like when they were in 12. Like it hasn't passed a day since he tried to shoot her and kill her in the forest near the lake she showed him.
"Relax. She's too good to hurt. And I'm not a murderer. You know about it."
"What the hell are you doing here?" He asks as their eyes meet. And he is the one who flinches.
Because the Lucy Gray looking at him isn't the same girl he helped win the Hunger Games. He feels something... strange about her. An aura that he can't properly name. It makes him more anxious, and he forgets about you for a moment in favour of the woman sitting by your hospital bed.
"I saved your fiancée. Do you know that the people you talked to are customers who often come to my tavern? You hide it well, but I know you, Coriolanus. I connected the dots. She will do it too."
"She's not like you. She won't run away from me. She won't leave me. She loves me." He growls at her threat.
He shifts his gaze to you and relaxes slightly. You breathe. Steady and calm. You're as pale as a wall, but you're alive. You have a bandage wrapped around your head, but you're alive. The beeping in the room monitoring your heartbeat reassures him of this. He always thought it was annoying. Only now is he starting to understand how heavenly this sound is.
"She did it today, didn't she? She ran away from you and got into the car, I bet, after your fight. About what? About power? About the title? You have everything, Coriolanus. Prestige. The woman of your dreams. Respect. Money. What more could you want? Isn't this what you dreamed of? At the times when you had nothing but her? Haven't you dreamed of being right where you are?
Her questions catch him off guard. He doesn't know why, but all he can do is stand there over your bed and listen to the songbird as he questions his actions and motivations. What's even weirder is that he can't really name what he's feeling right now. Everything became unimportant the moment he walked into that room and saw the both of you. Or rather, when he was informed about your accident.
"I... yes."
"So what are you still fighting for? What do you still want so badly? Maybe you'd rather have everything BUT her?"
"No. No." Hee shakes his head, looking down at you and your unconscious body.
NO. He couldn't live like this.
Without your smile. Without your warmth. Without your touch. Without your lips. Without your moans. Without your quarrels. Without your irritated and angry sighs. Without seeing the crease between your eyebrows when you solved a difficult problem. Without your tired smile and sigh as you climbed into bed with him.
He could starve for weeks. But he couldn't be without your presence. You were more precious than anything.
Than any water, food, air, money, or titles. When he had nothing, when his family was starving and living in a dilapidated apartment, he could only feel powerful with you in his arms. He could only feel important in the glow of your attention and affection. And he knew that if it were taken away from him again, he would not enjoy any power. He had a piece of it to himself today. And all he could think about was you.
"Mr. Snow?" The doctor's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. He looks up, no longer finding Lucy Gray at your side. He shakes his head and rubs his hand over his eyes. He shouldn't drink that last glass of champagne...
"Yes?"
"Everything is fine with Madam President. We managed to stabilise her. She should make a full recovery in time for the wedding, but she needs to rest a lot. She was put through a very hard and difficult experience." He nods and hestitantly sits down in the chair next to yours, keeping his eyes on you (which is a great relief for the doctor).
"I will take care of her." He announces firmly, in a hushed tone of voice, as if you weren't on strong drugs and could wake up at any moment.
"Of course. I shall leave you both." The doctor takes the opportunity that Coriolanus' attention is focused solely on you and leaves.
Coryo gently cups your cheek in his hand and strokes it with his thumb. He lingers on your lips, relieved to feel your shallow exhale. The fingers of his other hand wrap around your wrist as he checks your pulse, making sure you're alive and that his mind isn't playing with him like it was with Lucy Gray.
You were there. Safe. He hovers over your bed and puts his head on your chest. He doesn't put his burden on you; he would rather die than hurt you. He simply puts his ear in to listen to the rhythmic beats of your heart.
He quickly decides that's the prettiest song of all time.
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"Tilt your head a little towards me, my diamond. I don't want to touch your wound too much." He says, kneeling by the tub as he washes your hair, making sure the shampoo doesn't get too deep into the already crusted skin at the back of your head.
"Are you aware that I can do it myself?" You sigh as he carefully rinses your hair.
"Are you aware that you only got out of the hospital yesterday?" He answers the question with a question as he continues to wash you, being extremely gentle. His fingers caress the scalp of your head as his other hand lazily runs the sponge over your body, making sure to clean every bit of you.
You would appreciate it if he left your side for just five seconds. Or at least for one. Ever since you saw him watching over your hospital bed, he hasn't left your side. And the peacekeepers seemed to be circling around you all the time.
"Yes, and since my accident, you haven't left my side even for once."
"Does this surprise you?" His point is right. You could have predicted he would be like this. Just like how he'll be jealous of every peacekeeper around you, which is why he either always had his arm wrapped around you or had women watching over you when he REALLY needed to leave your side. To another room. With the door open, so he could look at you while he talked on the phone or did whatever he had to do.
"I don't like this shampoo." You change the subject, wincing as you straighten the leg that was removed from the cast yesterday.
He looks at you scoldingly and gently grabs your leg. You moan as he massages your muscles, just like the physical therapist showed him. He only allowed female doctors to see you. And he always had to be present in the room. As if you couldn't take care of yourself or trust a damn doctor.
Yet you allow him a bit of this... madness. You actually found it sweet how protective he became of you. Not enough to not snap at him when he was really crossing the line, but it was still sweet to see him concerned and so tender in his care for you.
"A little lower." You tell him, closing your eyes and leaning your head against the tub.
"Don't do that." Coriolanus says this and gently places his fingers on your neck, pushing your head forward a little. "You can't rest the back of your head on anything yet."
"I'm not a baby, Snow. I know what I can and cannot do." You say it stubbornly. He sighs and rolls his eyes at you. He gets up from his knees and begins to quickly undress. You can't help but blush at the sight of his toned, well-muscled body. You're getting a little hot. Especially since you haven't had him in you for a long time. "I thought I was really sick?" You ask teasingly, biting your lip as you watch him closely.
"You are. Move over." He says this and sits behind you. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer to him. You rest your head on his shoulder so that your wound doesn't touch his skin or the tub.
"You've gone soft, Snow." You're mocking him. If you turned around, you would see a soft smile on his lips.
"On the contrary, this way, I can feel you better. Especially your sweet ass, which teases me. Keep doing this, and I'll spank you."
"I thought the car hit me too hard for you to fuck me?" You say it jokingly, but instead of laughing or responding with a comment, he tenses. Concerned, you turn in his arms to look at him. He has a thoughtful expression on his face. You see a bit of anger on her face, a bit of resentment, and a bit of something resembling nervousness. "Coryo?"
"You wanted to run away? Then?" He asks you thoughtfully. You shiver as his eyes pierce yours, searching for any hint of lie or truth. Automatically, he holds you tighter against him and reaches for the faucet to add warm water to the bathtub.
"You know that I can't I am the president." You respond, letting him hug you tightly. You bury your face in his neck, nuzzling his neck with your nose. He's trembling too now. He pulls away gently and cups your chin. He forces you to look at him, examining your face carefully.
"I'm not asking you if you could. I'm asking you if you wanted to. Did you want to run away from me?"
There is silence between you for a moment. The only sound is the splash of water flowing into the bathtub. You lick your lips and kiss him briefly and quickly. Before he has a chance to kiss you back, you pull away from him and turn off the tap.
"No. I needed to calmly think about a few things. And you know how... explosive we can be together when we both get into each other's thoughts."
"I guess so. Which didn't explain your behaviour earlier. That little burst of tears. What was it really about?"
He lets you play with his fingers underwater. You don't look at him, collecting your thoughts, wondering how honest you can be with him. You remind yourself that he is meant to be your husband, and if so, you want nothing less than a partner. After his grandmother died, he changed, but he was right. He wasn't the same Coryo. He couldn't be. Not after what he was put through. And you weren't the same Y/N. He accepted it... you guess. But could you do the same?
"I guess... I guess I am scared you will love it more. That you will love power over me... or other things... just like you always did."
"I beg your pardon?" He asks, surprised, even shocked. You frown and move your gaze to his chest, nervously nibbling at his skin.
"You always had something more important than me. The Plinth Prize. Lucy Gray. The Hunger Games. Dr. Gaul's favor. The Presidency. There was always something above me." You tell him, not looking him in the eyes.
An awkward silence falls between you. You are afraid to interrupt her. And you can barely move without his help, so you'll stick with it as long as he wants you to. The bastard knew you had no escape; that's why he brought this topic up.
"I did it to be someone. To matter in the Capitol. So that I can marry you. So I could be able to take care of you and Tigris. You know it well."
"And I would marry you and live in poverty if only we could be together. You know it well." You respond quickly, using his words. He wrinkles his nose in obvious displeasure, shifting in the tub and tightening his grip on you even more.
"That's the last thing I wanted for you. What I wanted for my family. What I wanted for myself."
"And what do you want now?" Your question catches him off guard, as if he's heard it before somewhere. You look at him carefully, seeing thousands of thoughts running through his head.
He remembers his conversation with Lucy Grey—her ghost, apparition, drunken vision, or whatever she was. He wasn't sure of his answer then. Not completely. But now that your eyes were staring at him instead of the district girl, he had no doubts about what he wanted.
"The first man I killed was a boy from the district." He starts playing with your hair as he begins his confession. "Tribute in the arena. Sejanus entered there after his friend from the district was... you know. Dr. Gaul told me to get him out of there before anyone noticed him. As we were leaving... he ran up to us. The tribute. He wanted to kill us. I grabbed something metal and heavy and hit him. Everywhere. Head, torso, legs, and arms. Until he stopped moving. The second person was the daughter of the mayor of District 12. Sejanus was conspiring with some people from the district. He gave them weapons. He was under the illusion that they would just organise a peaceful demonstration, but they shot several peacekeepers. She walked in in the middle of our conversation when I caught them. Right after her was Lucy Gray. They didn't like each other, and we... were close then. I had to shoot her. Not to protect Sejanus or her. I... all I could think about was that if I didn't kill her, then they would hang me too, and I wouldn't be able to come back... I'd never come back to you and Tigirs. And the third... the third was Sejanus. The one who was at every one of my murders. I... remember the time spent in 12 vaguely. But his scream when they were hanging him haunts me and will continue to haunt me in my dreams very... very precisely."
You remain silent after his long speech. You didn't expect him to ever tell you about his time in 12. Or about the people he killed. That he would open up enough to really admit his crimes to you. What should worry you is that he doesn't regret his actions and that he talks about them... too lightly. But how would you react in his place? Wouldn't your impulses be similar? To defend yourself from everything? At least in these first two cases...
"And for the past few days, all I could think about was that you would be my fourth. So don't say I don't care about you, that I don't put you above everything else, when all I could think about was that I would shoot myself if you died, because there is no life for me without you. You haunt me everywhere. You are everywhere. I see you everywhere; I remember your touch, your smell, and your taste. I am addicted to you... just like you are to me."
"So... you killed two?" You ask, swallowing, holding back tears of emotion at his words.
Maybe he actually cared about you more than you thought? But could he? Now he would say anything to marry you, to become the president's husband, and with time maybe a president... you remember how they called him that. But did it really bother you? Have someone with whom you can share the burden of running the country? He would certainly be better able to silence pesky ministers than you or Clem.
"Three." His whisper interrupts your internal thoughts. You look up at him and see him staring thoughtfully into the water. You cup his cheek and force him to look into your eyes.
"You didn't put a rope around his neck, Coryo."
"Maybe not physically. But it's because of me that he's dead. You know it. Why are you trying to justify me?" His question confused you because you had no idea what to say back. You knew why you were doing it and why you were trying to explain his actions to yourself.
And you also knew perfectly well who was behind half of your presidential palace exploding. You couldn't cancel the Hunger Games after something like that. Not now. But maybe it was good? Maybe you can slowly make the changes you want? It was foolish to think that Coriolanus would simply accept it. But gradually... giving him more and more power and autonomy... maybe you could even split the presidency between the two of you? Then he wouldn't be so insistent on keeping the Hunger Games.
"We are not good for each other." You whisper, catching his gaze. You gently stroke his cheek with your thumb as he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him.
"I've never said we are." He answers. The water is getting colder around you.
"We will break each other." You whisper, leaning towards him. You rub your noses against each other and rest your foreheads against each other. The closeness between you makes you feel warmer, even as the water around you becomes more and more icy.
"Possibly... I will not beg you to stay."
"Me neither." You say and capture his lips in a kiss. He tightens his grip on you, his fingers digging into your waist as he presses you against him. You feel his every muscle and movement when you kiss, forgetting about everything around you and all the problems that are waiting for you outside.
You're both lying. You both would keep the other one by your side at all costs. Even if you are not able to admit it to yourselves and become truly vulnerable, you know what the unspoken truth is between you two. You knew each other too long and deeply to live apart and never have contact with each other.
"I love you, Coriolanus." You whisper as he picks you up and walks towards his bed. He stops for a moment, stunned and shocked by your confession.
Coriolanus. Not Coryo. Not his old self.
"I love you too, Y/N. Never doubt that." He kisses you hungrily and greedily, feeling like he's won everything the moment you both fall onto his mattress.
And with your every touch, every gasp, and every moan of his name, he makes himself completely sure about the decision he has made. Maybe the power over you would be enough for him, or maybe not. For now, it was good to be able to fall into each other's arms. To have someone to come home to...
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"Are you sure?" Tigris asks you as she is straightening your veil and wedding dress. "Clem and I have prepared a contingency plan just in case. Say the word, and we'll cancel it all. It's just the four of us, your parents and my fiancé. No one will know. And Clem will make up some story for the press and convince the priest to keep... the secret of the confession, or whatever you want to call it."
"I'm sure. There is no turning back. I won't wear this dress again, and it would be a pity to let it go to waste."
"I'm glad you like the dress, but what about your fiancé?"
"He's not that bad." You joke, and you both laugh. You're both interrupted by Clem's arrival. She whistles when she sees you.
"My God, you look even better than at the fittings. Maybe it's good that you're having this private wedding. I was angry at the beginning, as was half of the Capitol, but thanks to this, any photo published will be more eagerly watched and anticipated by people. Plus, Coryo might not kill someone out of jealousy that someone else sees you like that. Take care of your fiancé, Tigris."
"Everything will be fine." You tell them, looking at yourself in the mirror. The bracelet from Sejanus is on your wrist again. A wedding gift from Coryo.
"And where does this certainty come from?" You shrug at Clem's question and give her a mischievous smile.
"Snow lands on top." With a smile, you watch as horror and realisation appear on Clem's face. You laugh along with Tigris as she sighs dramatically.
"NO! Just not this! Don't tell me you're taking his surname, and now you're going to throw out this stupid text too! I listened to it for half of the Academy; I can't stand it for half my life, and what's worse, in your version!"
"It won't be that bad. I'll be Y/L/N-Snow.”
"This will be even worse! You can use both! Your future kids too!" She complains, not caring about your laughter. Coriolanus was right; her reaction was worth everything.
"Nope. Only I can use both. The kids, if there are any, will have his last name. I had to make some compromise."
"Kudos to him for that. Maybe I won't go crazy before I'm 40." You are about to express your doubts, but just then your mother comes in, looking at you with tears of emotion in her eyes.
"It's time. Should we sing 'Here Comes the Bride?'"
"Only if you're drunk enough." You joke and take the bouquet from Tigris. You hug both of your girls and your mother and go to your father, so he can walk you to the altar.
"You look beautiful. Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks you as soon as you get there.
"This is the second person asking me this; should I have doubts? Because I don't." You reply jokingly, but you know he notices how your hands are shaking.
"I trust him with you. It's obvious he loves you. And my old eyes tell me he's probably nervous too, maybe more than you are." He says this and nods towards the window.
The presidential palace has them tinted, so Coriolanus and your immediate family gathered in the garden cannot see you, but you can see them. And you see him staring at the door, waiting for you to enter. You see him playing with the sleeve of his cuff thoughtfully, with probably thousands of scenarios going through his head in which you leave him at the altar. And you're tempted to do it and see if he would chase you...
"I am sure. Let's go now... or he'll have a heart attack." You joke, trying to laugh it off.
Your father nods. He opens the door and leads you towards the altar. You don't hear the music around you, and you don't notice how warm the evening is.
All you can look at is Coriolanus.
And he just looks at you too, a smirk on his face. Not the one when he wins over his enemy and when his plans go his way. It's a sincere smile, the one you love more than life itself, the one that the poor boy with whom you shared your lunch had. Coriolanus Snow's happy smile dispels all your doubts.
The wedding ceremony is somewhere near you. Somehow, you don't pay attention to the words being said; you don't register any sound. Only the Coryo pattern counts. His tight grip on your hands and the fact that he's just as nervous and scared as you are, but you both don't run away. You just stand there, holding hands and looking into each other's eyes, because right now that's all that matters. You two. No Capitol, no Panem, and no districts—no nightmares of the past.
Just you two and this one moment. And you know that whatever happens, it will either break your heart or keep it alive forever. Because the undeniable truth is that you will need each other forever.
What difference does it make how many times you go from lovers to enemies to lovers and back again as long as you always found your way back to each other's arms?
You were practiced at breaking and mending your hearts.
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libraryleopard · 2 months ago
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Some books I would personally recommend for the Trans Rights Readathon (sorry I don't have time for in-depth descriptions)
Transmasc/trans man rep
Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White
Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas
Viscera by Gabrielle Squailia
The Thirty Names of Night by Zeyn Joukhadar
When the Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore
Some Strange Music Draws Me In by Griffin Hansbury
Idlewild by James Frankie Thomas
Caroline’s Heart by Austin Chant
Too Bright to See by Kyle Lukoff
How to Get Over the End of the World by Hal Schrieve
The Chromatic Fantasy by H.A.
The House That Whispers by Lin Thompson
The Wicked Bargain by Gabe Cole Novoa
Always the Almost by Edward Underhill
A Trans Man Walks Into a Gay Bar by Harry Nicholas
The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas
A Shot in the Dark by Victoria Lee
Transfemme/trans woman rep
Cheer Up: Love and Pom Poms by Crystal Frasier and Val Wise
For the Love of April French by Penny Wise
Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars by Kai Cheng Thom
Nevada by Imogen Binnie
Little Fish by Casey Plett
Girlmode by Magdalene Visaggio and Paulina Ganucheau
It Gets Better…Except When It Gets Worse (And Other Unsolicited Truths I Wish Someone Had Told Me) by Nicole Maines
Wild Geese by Soula Emmanuel
kitten by Olive Nuttall
Bang Bang Bodhisattva by Aubrey Wood
A Short History of Trans Misogyny by Jules Gill-Peterson
Miss Major Speaks: Conversations with a Black Trans Revolutionary by Toshio Meronek and Miss Major
The Sapling Cage by Margaret Killjoy
Boys Weekend by Mattie Lubchansky
Bad Habit by Alana S. Portero
Tar Hollow Trans by Stacy Jane Grover
Little Blue Encyclopedia (For Vivian) by Hazel Jane Plante
A Safe Girl to Love by Casey Plett
Bellies by Nicola Dinan
Real Queer America: LGBT Stories From Red States by Samantha Allen
Wrath Goddess Sing by Maya Deane
Bad Girls by Camila Sosa Villada
The Call-Out by Cat Fitzpatrick
OKPsyche by Anya Johanna DeNiro
Nonbinary, Agender, Genderqueer, and Other Gender Expansive Rep
Pantomime by L.R. Lam
Out of Salem by Hal Schrieve
Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender
The Heartbreak Bakery by A.R. Capetta
Fine: A Comic About Gender by Rhea Ewing
The Palace of Eros by Caro de Robertis
Sing Anyway by Anita Kelly
The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw
Dragonfall by L.R. Lam
Something to be Proud Of by Anna Zoe Quirke
Really Cute People by Markus Harwood-Jones
Homebody by Theo Parish
Model Home by Rivers Solomon
How Far Light Reaches by Sabrina Imbler
She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan
Sir Callie and the Champions of Helston by Esme Symes-Smith
Manywhere: Stories by Morgan Thomas
Bianca Torre is Afraid of Everything by Justine Pucella Winans
When the Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb
Deephaven by Ethan M. Aldridge
Beating Heart Baby by Lio Min
Intersectional Trans+ Rep Outside Your Own Experience (obviously depends on your own experience but here are some intersectional books in general)
Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White
Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas
The Thirty Names of Night by Zeyn Joukhadar
The Wicked Bargain by Gabe Cole Novoa
The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas
Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars by Kai Cheng Thom
Bellies by Nicola Dinan
Miss Major Speaks
Bad Girls by Camila Sosa Villada
Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender
Something to be Proud of by Anna Zoe Quirke
Model Home by Rivers Solomon
How Far Light Reaches by Sabrina Imbler
She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan
Beating Heart Baby by Lio Min
When the Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb
2Spirit, Indigiqueer and Indigenous Gender Expansive Rep
Hammajang Luck by Makana Yamamoto
The Flicker by H.E. Edgmon
(I will have to do some more readings in this last section, clearly!)
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transbookoftheday · 1 month ago
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Infinity Alchemist by Kacen Callender
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For Ash Woods, practicing alchemy is a crime.
Only an elite few are legally permitted to study the science of magic—so when Ash is rejected by Lancaster College of Alchemic Science, he takes a job as the school’s groundskeeper instead, forced to learn alchemy in secret.
When he’s discovered by the condescending and brilliant apprentice Ramsay Thorne, Ash is sure he’s about to be arrested—but instead of calling the reds, Ramsay surprises Ash by making him an offer: Ramsay will keep Ash’s secret if he helps her find the legendary Book of Source, a sacred text that gives its reader extraordinary power.
As Ash and Ramsay work together and their feelings for each other grow, Ash discovers their mission is more dangerous than he imagined, pitting them against influential and powerful alchemists—Ash’s estranged father included. Ash’s journey takes him through the cities and wilds across New Anglia, forcing him to discover his own definition of true power and how far he and other alchemists will go to seize it.
Featuring trans, queer, and polyamorous characters of color, Infinity Alchemist is the hugely anticipated young adult fantasy debut from the extraordinary author of Felix Ever After, King and the Dragonflies, Queen of the Conquered and more.
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zanazirafanfic · 1 year ago
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RDR Event Timeline (Canon + Headcanon)
This is the timeline I have constructed and use for all of my Red Dead writings. Canon event dates/ages are taken from the Red Dead Wiki, and headcanon estimations for more ambiguous events/characters are based on their approximate ages in-game by 1899 and what makes the most logical sense to me based on that timeline.
Please feel free to use this as a reference for your own works too, if it helps. (Canon events are noted as such, and my headcanons are labeled "HC.")
1839 - Uncle born (HC)
1844 - Hosea Matthews born (Canon)
1845 - Rains Fall born (HC)
1846 - Leopold Stauss born (HC)
1850 - Susan Grimshaw born (HC)
1853 - Orville Swanson born (HC)
1855 - Dutch Van der Linde born (Canon)
1857 - Josiah Trelawney born (HC)
1860 - Micah Bell III born (Canon) (newspaper clipping mentions Micah Bell Jr. robbing with his 17-year-old son in 1877)
1861 - Simon Pearson born (HC)
1863 - Arthur Morgan born (Canon)
1866 - Bill Williamson born (Canon)
1870 - Dutch leaves home aged 15 (Canon); Kieran Duffy born (HC)
1871 - Sadie Adler born (HC)
1872 - Charles Smith born (HC) (based on est. age of 27 in 1899)
1873 - John Marston born (Canon); Javier Escuella born (HC)
1874 - Lyle Morgan arrested and hanged, Arthur orphaned (Canon); Molly O'Shea born (HC)
1875 - Karen Jones born (HC)
1876 - Dutch and Hosea meet outside of Chicago, IL (Canon); Sean MacGuire born (HC)
1877 - Abigail Roberts born; Arthur joins the gang, aged 14 (Canon)
1878 - Eagle Flies born (HC)
1879 - Tilly Jackson and MaryBeth Gaskill born (HC)
1880 - Lenny Summers born (Canon)
1881 - John Marston's father dies, John orphaned (Canon)
1882- Annabelle and Bessie join the gang (HC)
1883 - Bessie and Hosea marry and leave the gang (Canon); Arthur meets and begins dating Mary Gillis (HC) (Jamie Gillis references both Annabelle and Bessie during the mission in Chapter 2, so IMO this would've been the most likely time for all 3 to have met one another.)
1884 - Dutch kills Colm O'Driscoll's unnamed brother, Annabelle killed by Colm in retaliation; Hosea returns to the gang (HC)
1885 - John Marston and Susan Grimshaw join the gang (Canon); Charles Smith leaves home, aged 13 (HC) (based on est. DOB 1872)
1886 - Arthur proposes to and subsequently breaks up with Mary in the springtime; Arthur meets Eliza (19) later in the year, and Isaac is conceived (HC)
1887 - Lee & Hoyt Bank Robbery, April (Canon); Isaac Morgan born (HC) (According to Arthur in-game, Eliza only knew who he was after she got pregnant. Based on this they most likely met in late 1886 or very early 1887, with the bank robbery in April '87 and Isaac born that autumn.)
1888 - Death of Bessie Matthews (HC) (based on the assumption that she passed some time before Arthur lost his son. Her cause of death is never specified in canon, but I HC it was a fairly quick battle with pneumonia over the winter.)
1891 - Isaac Morgan (4) and Eliza (23) killed in a home robbery (HC)
1892 - Bill Williamson dishonorably discharged from the U.S. Army (Canon); Uncle joins the gang (HC)
1893 - Bill Williamson joins the gang (Canon)
1894 - Abigail Roberts joins the gang, introduced to them by Uncle (Canon)
1895 - Jack Marston born; Javier joins the gang (Canon)
1896 - John Marston leaves the gang; Jake and Sadie Adler marry in September (Canon)
1897 - John Marston returns to the gang after a year (Canon)
1898 - Micah Bell, Charles Smith, Lenny Summers, and Jenny Kirk join the gang (Canon)
1899 - Blackwater Massacre; dissolving of the Van der Linde gang; deaths of Jenny Kirk, Mac and Davey Callender, Sean MacGuire, Kieran Duffy, Hosea Matthews, Lenny Summers, Molly O'Shea, Eagle Flies, Susan Grimshaw, and Arthur Morgan (Canon)
1907 - Construction of Beecher's Hope ranch; John and Abigail marry; death of Micah Bell III (Canon)
1911 - Kidnapping of Abigail and Jack Marston by the U.S. Government in exchange for John's cooperation; deaths of Bill Williamson, Javier Escuella, Dutch Van der Linde, Uncle, and John Marston (Canon)
1914 - Death of Abigail Marston; Jack Marston kills Edgar Ross to avenge his father's murder (Canon)
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read-alert · 11 months ago
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Queer books for every color!
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Full titles under the cut!
Red
I Hope We Choose Love: A Trans Girl's Notes from the End of the World by Kai Cheng Thom
Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas
Phoenix Extravagant by Yoon Ha Lee
The Future is Disabled: Prophecies, Love Notes, and Mourning Songs by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha
Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé
Aquicorn Cove by K O'Neill
Orange
Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao
Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender
Not Your Sidekick by CB Lee
When the Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb
The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon
Ma and Me by Putsata Reang
Yellow
Home by Danez Smith
The Unbroken by CL Clark
Mooncakes by Wendy Xu and Suzanne Walker
Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert
The Lesbianas Guide to Catholic School by Sonora Reyes
Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah
Green
The Mermaid, the Witch, and the Sea by Maggie Tokuda-Hall
Finna by Nino Cipri
Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters
The Magic Fish by Trung Le Nguyen
A Snake Falls to Earth by Darcie Little Badger
In the Dreamhouse by Carmen Maria Machado
Blue
How to Find a Princess by Alyssa Cole
Cantoras by Carolina De Robertis
Black Water Sister by Zen Cho
This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone
Our Bloody Pearl by DN Bryn
Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett
Purple
Eight Kinky Nights by Xan West
Pet by Akwaeke Emezi
Love Beyond Body, Space, and Time edited by Hope Nicholson
Everyone on the Moon is Essential Personnel by Julian K Jarobe
The Witch King by HE Edgmon
We See Each Other: A Black, Trans Journey Through TV and Film by Tre'vell Anderson
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traeumenvonbuechern · 1 year ago
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Which books would the Hallowoods characters read?
Happy HFTH season 4 day! I'm so excited for the new episodes, and I want to celebrate by recommending some books I think some of the main characters would love.
Diggory Graves - Unwieldy Creatures
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I have a feeling that Diggory might be interested in a nonbinary Frankenstein retelling...
Percy Reed - The Spirit Bares Its Teeth
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A transmasc protagonist, ghosts, a t4t love story - Percy would relate to this book so much.
Nikignik - This Is How You Lose the Time War
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Even aside from the whole Bigolas Dickolas thing, I think Nikignik would really love this book. It's an epic, complicated, super emotional love story, written in a way that almost feels like poetry - I have a feeling that Nikignik would like that.
Lady Ethel Mallory - Lady Susan
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It's short, it's funny, it's a classic, it's from the perspective of the villain and said villain uses the title "lady"? Lady Ethel would love this book.
Riot Maidstone - Gideon the Ninth
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It's about a butch lesbian with a sword. That alone would probably convince Riot to read it, but I think she would love the story, too.
Olivier Song - Infinity Alchemist
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This book is about an alchemist who is rejected by the magic school he tried so hard to get into, and one of the love interests is genderfluid - Olivier might relate to it a little too much.
Clara Martin - The Grimoire of Grave Fates
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It's a murder mystery set at a magic school that moves around the world, and it's told from 18 (!) different perspectives. I think Clara would love reading about all these different types of magic and trying to solve the mystery.
Polly - Good Omens
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Polly reminds me so much of Crowley sometimes - to quote this post, they're both "demons sent on a celestial audit of earth and catching more feelings than they signed up for" - so Polly would probably either love or hate Good Omens, no in-between.
Yaretzi - The Salt Grows Heavy
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I can't really explain why I think Yaretzi would like this book, but she would. Something about the main character being a murderous mermaid, probably.
Mort - All Systems Red
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Mort would definitely want to be friends with Murderbot.
Hector Mendoza and Jonah Duckworth - Silver in the Wood
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This is my go-to "Read this if you like Our Flag Means Death" book because the main characters remind me a lot of Stede and Ed, but the book also reminds me so much of Hector and Jonah, especially with the magical sentient forest setting.
Zelda Duckworth - The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher
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This book is about a 83-year-old Chosen One who has to save the world armed with nothing but gumption and knitting needles - I think Zelda would enjoy that.
Mx. Morrell - What Moves the Dead
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I think a fungal horror book with a nonbinary protagonist would be perfect for Mx. Morrell.
Danielle O'Hara - Pet
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Pet is about a trans girl who has to reconsider everything she's been taught and save her friend with the help of a terrifying creature - everyone should read this book, but I think Danielle would especially like it.
Book titles:
Diggory Graves: Unwieldy Creatures by Addie Tsai
Percy Reed: The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White
Nikignik: This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone
Lady Ethel Mallory: Lady Susan by Jane Austen
Riot Maidstone: Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir
Olivier Song: Infinity Alchemist by Kacen Callender
Clara Martin: The Grimoire of Grave Fates, edited by Hanna Alkaf and Margaret Owen
Polly: Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
Yaretzi: The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw
Mort: All Systems Red by Martha Wells
Hector Mendoza and Jonah Duckworth: Silver in the Wood by Emily Tesh
Zelda Duckworth: The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher by E.M. Anderson
Mx. Morrell: What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher
Danielle O'Hara: Pet by Akwaeke Emezi
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heavenlymorals · 1 year ago
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Since my Lyle Morgan post is doing better as I thought, I want to give more details as to why I think he'd be a pretty dope protagonist for RDR3 if they stick to the pre established formula and if it ever comes out.
- A lot of people want to play as Dutch and Hosea when they were younger but that generally makes no sense given the formula of the Red Dead Redemption games. These games are about redemption and neither of them are able to achieve it. Dutch becomes a maniac and loses any shot at redemption prior to his suicide and Hosea gets shot and killed whilst still enabling the bad things that happen in the gang beforehand.
- A lot of people also want to play as the Callender boys but again, given the formula of these games, this doesn't fit well, especially when it concerns the epilogue. When the main character dies in the main game, the epilogue opens up with a character that has some sort of familial relationship with the protagonist that changes them in some way. In RDR1, it was Jack avenging John as he was his son. In RRR2, it was John avenging Arthur as he was his brother. Arthur likes the Callender boys but what do they add to him? Arthur is a founder of the VDL gang, one of the older active members, and finds redemption through himself rather than through other people. What do the Callender boys add to Arthur's story that will make him a decent epilogue protagonist? And not only that, but the Callender boys die after Blackwater and RDR2 starts right after that- there literally won't be any room for an epilogue with Arthur if they will continue the epilogue trend of having the previous main character be the playable character.
- There is already an established connection between Lyle and Arthur but it's vague enough to where it leaves a lot of room for a game to be created. That connection could also have people stop with the "why was x not mentioned in z" like how people were asking why Arthur wasn't mentioned in RDR1.
- Arthur could possibly be an unreliable narrator regarding Lyle Morgan. There seems to be a general consensus in the fandom that Arthur's harsh words for the man means he was a shitty, abusive father who wasn't worth the light of day, but there is room to doubt this. Arthur was picked up by Dutch and Hosea when he was 14 and prior to that, he was living on the streets for years alone after Lyle got hung. He literally could've been in the single digits when Lyle died. Him calling Lyle a no good bastard could be from the trauma of being a child and having to live an outlaw life because of his father's choices. Any reconciliation that Lyle could make with Arthur by living a new life and being a normal father could've been nipped at the bud as soon as he got killed. Arthur's opinions on his father could very well be biased because he was only a child when it all happened and he's basing his opinions on the emotions he felt back then. Think of Jack- Jack would've hated John if he wasn't able to grow up with him and only knew him as an outlaw.
- The people can still see what they want, a young Dutch, Hosea, and Arthur through an epilogue where a younger Arthur is the protagonist. We can see the beginning of the VDL gang, amongst other things, which is what people seem to really want.
- Just makes the most sense if R* wants to continue with the pre established formula of the games whilst connecting the games. Either that, or they can surprise us all with a brand new protagonist we never heard of.
- yapyapyapyapyap
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nthspecialll · 1 year ago
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I know we don't know much about Mac Callender, but his death is quite sad and it makes me wonder. We were told in Chapter one that he died by gunshot in Blackwater and although that ain’t entirely wrong it isn’t entirely right either... He didn’t die during the shooting... He died after by Milton who shot him as a "mercy killing"... He was left, he was shot wounded and left to die, sounds familiar? John in chapter six. I can’t help but wonder maybe Dutch left him too, maybe Dutch saw Mac, knew he could save him but chose not to. I have no evidence other than the fact Dutch will leave both Arthur and John later, so why not Mac? If they were alone somewhere with no one to see, what is stopping Dutch from leaving Mac?
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