#Sarah Bastard's Notebook

[gennsoup]

"You only love books," she said, with scorn, which was true, and hurt.

Marian Engel, Sarah Bastard's Notebook

[circle--of--confusion]

This Love is in Retrograde - Part 1

I was inspired to write a fic about Terzo and my OC Amelia from my Dracopia fic. This will be in 2 parts, Before [backstory leading up to their breakup] and After [after the Copia/Sarah fic where she and Terzo get back together].

Summary: Set before my "Cardinal and the Seamstress" fic, Amelia, the head of the clergy sewing department begins a relationship with Terzo, the new Papa. They navigate the highs and lows of her anxieties around dating the Emeritus brother.

Paring: Terzo | Papa Emeritus III x OC Amelia

Chapter 1: Before

Words: 10.2k

Read on AO3

| Part 1 | Part 2 |

MASTERLIST

Tags: fluff, angst, intense make-outs, friends to lovers, closet confessions, time skips, poorly translated itallian [google translate sorry]

divider credit to @gothdaddyissues

Amelia just came back to the studio from a meeting where Papa Secondo was announced to be stepping down and his slightly younger brother was set to take Papa’s place. Cardinal Terzo. The Ghost Project has been a growing success and it’s time for a new era.

New era. New Papa. New ghouls.

New things to worry about.

Today, Terzo will be measured for his new “uniform” that he will wear as Papa and they will service as his Ritual costume. From what she knows about the Emeritus brother, this meeting will probably be a tedious nightmare. The flirty bastard doesn’t know when to turn it off, regardless of who he’s speaking to. Amelia rolls her eyes every time someone would mention how he would “help them find their release!” while they swoon and retell the story.

She can concede that he’s handsome. Handsome and charming to everyone and he always seems to act as if he’s one sentence away from charming the pants off of you.When Terzo sauntered into the studio for Amelia to measure him, she could already tell the headache remedies will need to be on standby. He’s smirky and slippery as he walks into the room. Terzo doesn’t have his cassock on, instead he wears slacks and a light sweater.

“Terzo, ready to get started? We need to get a mockup put together soon.” Amelia gestures to the middle of the room.

He laughs. “So eager to get your hands on me?”

She rolls her eyes. “Just. Please get on this square platform over here. I’ll be quick.”

He steps up and stands there waiting for Amelia to measure him. Throughout the process her assistant Alex took notes while she shouted numbers and body parts. He’d quip something and she’d quip back. Sweet Lucifer can he ever shut off his mouth!   

Amelia takes his arm and moves it to extend outward so she can measure it. “You know, normally when I have someone this close to me with their hands roaming my body, we have a lot less clothes on.” Terzo looks over to her.

She flicks her eyes up at his for a moment before looking back at the number on the tape measure. “Apologies for not sensually feeling you up enough while I do my job.” she mumbles. ”I will make sure to do better next time.”

“Oh no your skilled hands are doing just fine as they are.”

She smiles sarcastically at him. “Wonderful.” Amelia crouches down at his feet. “Ok, Terzo. One more and then we’re done. I need to get your inseam measured.” What will he say, Amelia could only imagine. She starts the tape at his crotch and extends it down to his foot. The room falls silent in anticipation and she swears she can hear the blood flowing in her brain. She feels bold enough to look up at Terzo and he’s simply looking forward with a soft smile. Nothing else. No quip. Nothing.

She looks back down at the tape and hides a slight blush. Damnit. She stands back up and drapes the tape around her neck like a scarf.

“I take it that we’re finished?” Terzo asks. Amelia nods and he steps off the platform.

“Yes. I plan to have a suit mockup ready in a couple weeks or so. I haven’t had time to come up with a theme, it’s all been so sudden. Do you have any ideas on suit inspiration? Have you thought about the aesthetics? The colors?” She takes the notebook from Alex and looks at Terzo.

He crosses his arms. “I haven’t been able to give it much thought as well. Lately I’ve been reading about the rococo and baroque art movement, maybe try something with that?”

Can’t say I was expecting that. Amelia writes down his response and puts on an impressed face. “I’ll take that into account, thanks. You’re free to go now and do… Papa type things.”

“Thank you, Sorella.” He walks over to the door and turns around. He has a look on his face that Amelia doesn’t like the moment she sees it. “I can’t wait to see what your brilliant brain and hands do to me.” He walks out of the studio with a wink and closes the door after him before she can respond.

◊◊◊◊◊

Amelia and Alex had been brainstorming ideas for the suit the past two days. They have printed photos pinned to a cork board on a far wall of the studio. The theme is rococo for now but the color scheme is very minimal. Black and white. After a while of very frustrated scribbling Amelia decided to go to the library for inspiration. Walking around to the history section, the last person she expected to find amongst the books is the subject of her ire, Terzo.

“Oh! Handsome and well-read. Can’t say I expected to find you here.” Terzo startles at Amelia’s words.

He bows his head and sighs. “Why is that?” he looks over to Amelia with an unamused smile.

Nothing about calling him handsome? she smirks. “You don’t strike me as a book worm.”

“I get that a lot. It annoys me. Very much.” Terzo scoffs. “I was a cardinal! I studied just like everyone else.”

“I’m going to be honest, Terzo, but I don’t think I know what a cardinal actually does here.”

He nods his head and looks to the side. “I’m not sure I really know either.” Terzo returns to the books on the shelf in front of him.

Amelia looks over at the shelves. “You wouldn’t happen to know where the books on European Royalty are?” She asks. He wordlessly moves his right hand to the shelf one section to the right and points down. “Ah.” Amelia crouches down and begins her search.

Terzo hums a small tune to himself while he looks for his book of choice. She looks up to watch him pick through the options the shelf has to offer. He moves closer to the right and his leg bumps Amelia’s arm. He makes a small surprised noise and looks down to see Amelia already looking up at him. “I think I’m getting a sense of déjà vu.”

“I may regret this, but what were you thinking about the other day?” she stands up. “I figured you’d make a lewd comment about me on my knees in front of you. You certainly weren’t holding back earlier in the session.” Amelia crosses her arms.

He swats his hand in the air. “That’d be too easy.” She raises an eyebrow. “I was just… thinking about how happy I was to become Papa, to finally have an opportunity to perform.” He smiles. “I wish to see, how did mio Fratello put it, ‘masses standing in awe’? It’s all still a bit surreal.”

She snorts. “Did you just allude to yourself as the Antichrist?” Terzo winks. Amelia nods her chin to his book. “What’cha reading?” She looks at what he’s holding.  

Amelia looks genuinely interested and he smiles at her. It takes him a second to look back at the book he grabbed from the shelf. “Oh! I was browsing other eras of history and became fascinated on the 1920s art deco aesthetics which led me to reading about 1920s America. It was a very fascinating time culturally.” she hums, encouraging him to continue. “On one end, you have the roaring twenties, a time of great prosperity and opulence. People were over-spending and over-indulging just because they could. And then on the other end, prohibition, making the sale of alcohol to be illegal! And despite all that, people still found a way to drink.” he's waiving his hands while one of them is still holding the book. “Fundamentalist and religious groups managed to con the people to make it- wait what’s so funny?” He stops and stares at Amelia who’s started giggling.

“No, oh I’m so sorry, but I never imagined you as such a… nerd!” How endearing.

Terzo’s free hand grabs her arm and he leans in as he whispers to Amelia. “Shhh don’t speak so loud.” he smiles at her. “I’ve cultivated quite the Casanova image for myself. I can’t have you ruining it.”

She rolls her eyes. “Ok. Whatever you say.” Amelia walks to her section on the shelf for the book she planned to check out. “Except I’ll know that you’re a big.” she grabs her book. “Old.” she stands back up and leans in towards Terzo, whisper-hissing to him. “Nerd.” Amelia can hear him shush slightly as she walks away.

While she gets the book checked out at the front desk, she can overhear Terzo and a Sibling talking to each other. Amelia looks back and he has his hand next to the woman’s head on the wall as he leans towards her. She’s blushing profusely while he smooth-talks to her. The sister looks down and softly says “Oh, Papa.” Terzo briefly looks up and over to the front desk while Amelia is still there, watching, and he winks before turning his face back to the Sibling of Sin. Alright, Casanova.

◊◊◊◊◊

Alex flips to a page in one of the books Amelia checked out. “What if we did something like this.” He shows her the page. “He’ll still have his robes but we could do a different outfit that looks like something kings wore back then. White shirt, long coat, embellishments and buttons?”

She takes it in. “Ah! Good idea. I’ve been reading about this Swedish king from the late 1700s. He reigned in the latter half of the century, and it was in the rococo time period. The pictures I’ve seen of him show him in those long coats like you showed me.” Progress!

Soon after sketching out a rough outline of the coat, she pins it to their cork board and the two get to work on cutting the mockup pieces. To save time, they’re cutting the shirt and jacket as if it’s all one cohesive garment. It saves them time on sewing and keeps the layering to a minimum.

“I actually ran into Terzo while I was looking for the books. We talked for a bit.” Amelia says while cutting out fabric.

“In the library?” He sounds surprised. “What was he doing there?”

She hesitates to tell Alex about his bookish tendencies. “Oh, the usual. Flirting with a sibling.” She scoffs.

Alex stops cutting fabric and looks up at her. “You sound… annoyed by that?”

Am I? “Oh, am I?” Amelia laughs and dismisses Alex. I can’t have a crush on Terzo, I am a grown woman!

“Hm.” He goes back to cutting.

◊◊◊◊◊

With the mockup done and ready for Terzo, he visits the studio a week and a half later for the first fitting.

“Wonderful to see you again, Amelia. What do you have for me today?” He says as he walks into the studio.

“I took your rococo suggestion and managed to come up with something. I have it in the dressing room. Please get the suit on and come out when you’re ready.”

Terzo claps his hands and walks to the dressing area. He takes a few minutes to change and then he walks out, sauntering over to the step in front of the mirror to look at himself. She watches Terzo as he takes in the suit mockup. Her hands are wrung together and she looks back and forth from his reflection in the mirror and the mockup. He’s moving around, observing himself and occasionally his eyes find Amelia’s looking back. She can’t take the silence any longer.

“King Gustav.” she says, breaking the silence. Terzo turns around to look at her with a raised eyebrow. “Gustav the Third, former king of Sweden. He ruled from 1771 through 1792.” Amelia rambles. “Rococo period. That… was my inspiration.”

He nods his head and hums. “I wonder if the Cardinale knew him. Ha!” he chuckles.

She walks up to Terzo, crossing her arms. “Just because he’s lived for hundreds of years doesn’t mean he’d know every historical figure.” She jests.

He points his finger at Amelia. “You say that but Copia claims he’d stumbled on Jack the Ripper one night while he was hunting.”

She knits her eyebrows together. “Wait, which one was hunting? Copia or The Ripper?”

Terzo moves his eyes off to the side, thinking. “He never specified.”

“Anyways! Do you like the suit? Does it fit well?” she nervously smooths down the shoulders and the back of the jacket, fiddling with parts of the upper section of the mockup. “I wanted it to be easy to wear while you’re performing; not too many layers.” he nods. “For the actual suit, I thought about placing a Grucifix patch,” Amelia touches the tips of her fingers on the left side of his chest. “,right about here.” She looks up at Terzo.

“That sounds good.” he looks down to look at her.

They don’t say anything for a handful of seconds. Her icy demeanor towards Terzo has been melting and lately she’s been wondering more about him. She was worried he wouldn’t like their decision and it really would’ve hurt. A loud, theatrical cough rings through the room and it’s in that moment she realizes Alex has been there the whole time. Amelia yanks her hand from Terzo and steps back. Terzo looks stunned, however his eyes haven’t left her as she moved away.

“Uh, if you’re fine with this mockup, we can get started on an actual suit, yeah? I should have one ready in a week, maybe less. I’ll let you know when it’s done.”

“If I have any other suggestions, I should come by?” He nods his head and raises his eyebrows.

“Oh yeah! Feel free. I could give you my number and you can text me anything that comes up if it’s late.”

Terzo smiles. “Bene. Sometimes I get my best inspiration at night. I’m more stimulated.”

And there he is. “Yes well, go back and change and we’ll get started on a suit. We’re going to have to make a lot.” She sighs.  

Terzo changes back into his clothes and walks back to Amelia. “I was thinking. Could you include purple in some way? Maybe my robes?”

“Sure! Any reason why?” Amelia grabs her notebook to write his suggestion down.

“Well, purple is associated with royalty. Since you were inspired by a king, I figured you could include it as another nod.”

“Noted! Thanks.”

“And do you know why purple for royalty?” Terzo eagerly asks.

God, what a nerd. “I think I do. The source of the pigment, right? It was hard to find, making it rare and therefore expensive, so only rich people and nobles could afford to have their clothes dyed the color.”

He smiles. “Exactly!”

Terzo leaves the studio shortly after he gets Amelia’s number. It’s quiet in the room when Amelia walks to where the fabric is being stored to start on the official suit and Alex asks “What the Hell was all of that?”

“I uh,” she scrambles for an answer. Amelia waves her hands around aggressively. “I don’t know!”

◊◊◊◊◊

--------

Terzo: 3:25 pm

I looked up this Gustav fellow. You made me a suit after a man who was ASSASINATED.

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Amelia: 3:26 pm

Let’s hope for all of our sakes you don’t meet the same fate.

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Terzo: 4:28 pm

Yes, let’s. I wouldn’t enjoy being ambushed by a shot from behind from someone in a mask.

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Amelia: 4:29 pm

I’m not sure anyone would.

--------

Terzo: 4:35 pm

Could you do me a favor?

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Amelia: 4:36 pm

I’m not telling you what I’m wearing, Terzo

--------

Terzo: 4:37 pm

No! Nothing like that!

Terzo: 4:37 pm

Unless….?

Terzo: 4:39 pm

I need you to come with me to some dinner tomorrow. Sister Imperator is throwing something together for the upper clergy now that I’m Papa. I will have to come wearing the paints and “be Papa” and I need backup.

--------

Amelia: 4:41 pm

Oh! That reminds me, do I need to start calling you “Papa” now? You never correct me. You’ve been wearing the paint for a while but I still forget to use it.

Amelia: 4:42 pm

And yeah, sure, I’ll go. I’m always down for a nice meal. But why me? Couldn’t you just find a sibling to go with you?

--------

Terzo: 4:44 pm

Terzo, please. I am happy to be one but hearing “Papa” has been taking some getting used to. And of course, I wouldn’t have a problem finding a sibling to go with me but I don’t know! I like you. And you know a little more about me than most people. I feel comfortable around you.

--------

Amelia 4:45 pm

Calm down there Mr. Humble. What should I wear?

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Terzo: 4:46 pm

What are you wearing right now? ;)

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Amelia: 4:47 pm

I’m blocking you now.

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Terzo: 4:48 pm

Mi dispiace. Mi dispiace. You can wear anything you like. I’m Papa after all, and what I say goes.

--------

Amelia: 4:49 pm

Wow! this papacy thing clearly hasn’t gone to your head at all.

­­­­--------

◊◊◊◊◊

The last few finishing touches on Amelia’s outfit are almost complete when she hears a knock at her door. She opens it to find Terzo on the other end, he messaged earlier that he will escort her to the dinner.

“Hi! I’m almost ready.” Amelia says to him, opening the door wider to let him in. “Come in! I just need to grab my shoes.” Looks like I won’t be overdressed.

He stands by Amelia’s door after he closes it. Terzo wears a black button up -a couple of them undone- and the sleeves are rolled up to his elbow. His pants are dark gray slacks and he’s decided on a pair of loafers with a gold buckle across the foot. “Take your time, Amelia. If we’re late maybe they’ll cancel the dinner.” He hopes. His crisp skull paint and the straight line of his lips give off the look of an eternal disdain.

She leans against a chair as she slips on her flats. “Don’t want to go? Couldn’t you have said something and they would’ve canceled?” Amelia walks closer to Terzo. He’s admiring what she chose to wear; a dark purple square neckline dress with gathered sleeves that cinches in at the waist and flares out to end just past the knee. “Am I dressed well enough?”

“Perfetto. Sei bellissima!” he smiles. “I love the purple.” Terzo holds out his arm and they start walking to the dinner location where Sister Imperator, Nihil, the previous Papas and upper clergy members await their arrival. “Let’s get this over with.”

“So why are you not in love with what’s happening tonight?” She asks as they walk together.

He waives his free hand. “It’s not that I’m antisocial. I enjoy being around others but I just don’t have it in me today. I’ve been busy writing songs and I summoned ghouls earlier this afternoon.” Amelia perks up at that. “I didn’t get all I needed but I have some.”

“That’s exciting! I can’t wait to meet them when I get their measurements for their suits.” She smiles at Terzo. He gives her a tired smile back.

When they make it to the dining hall with the rest of the Clergy members, Secondo yells over at them.

“Fratello! Sono felice di vedere che finalmente sei arrivato.” he stops for a moment to take in Amelia. “E con un ospite?”

Terzo’s arm stiffens as Secondo walks closer to the pair. “Si.”

Secondo is confused. “Non mi hai mai detto che stavate scopando.”

“stai zitto, Secondo.” Terzo spats. “I invited Amelia because she’s the one making all of the costumes the ghouls and I are going to wear, I figured she deserves a nice meal as compensation.” He nods towards Amelia and smiles.

“And honestly, good food I don’t have to pay for is always a bonus.” She snaps and gives finger guns.

Secondo laughs. “You’re right about that, sorella.”

Once they’re all seated for the meal, Nihil at the head of the table, Imperator to his left, Terzo at his right, Amelia is seated on Terzo’s right side, much to the dismay of the Cardinal Copia. She gave a whispered “sorry” to him as she sat down, causing Copia to find a seat elsewhere. Shortly after everyone starts eating, Nihil starts up a conversation with Terzo.

“I heard you summoned ghouls today? How was it?” Terzo’s father asks.

“It was fine. I summoned a Quintessence, Air, and Earth ghoul. They should help me get started with working through the music I’ve written so far.” He tiredly responds. Terzo pokes at his food on the plate.

Sister Imperator nods. “That’s great! You’ll need to finish up that album as soon as possible.” She hums.

Nihil looks over to Imperator. “Seestor! Can we at least let him enjoy his Papacy for a moment before you have him off on a tour?”

Terzo slumps in his chair, his chest deflates at the mere idea of a tour. Amelia moves her left hand to rest on Terzo’s knee as a small, silent support. She looks up across from her spot at the table to see Secondo looking very curiously at the two.

“Of course I don’t want him to feel rushed. I just want to make sure we keep up the momentum.” Sister Imperator responds.

“I have most of the songs written at this point. I just need the ghouls and I should be ready to put the album together.” Terzo responds.

Nihil smiles. “See! He’s fine. Let’s enjoy the rest of the meal without stress, Seestor.”

And they do. Or at least Amelia thinks so. Someone asks her about the costumes and she explains all about the technical aspects of the process to a Cardinal who clearly couldn’t follow but tried hard to seem like it. Amelia was rambling on about the pattern making process. “And so, I had to cut part of the bodice to make them separate pieces to make the ‘coat’ pieces and the ‘shirt’ pieces be all one top to prevent too many layers during the performances. It’s themed after an outfit that kings wore back then during the rococo art movement! I got the idea from,” she looks back to Terzo to include him and he’s staring at her while she talks; he slouches at the table to watch her speak. His elbow rests on the surface while his head is cradled in his hand. She smiles awkwardly under his watch. Amelia takes a breath turning back to the poor Cardinal “I got the idea from a book.”

“Must’ve been some book.” Secondo chuckles. “Rococo art is very theatrical and romantic. Does that remind you of anyone, Sorella?”

Amelia smirks. “No clue.”

Later in the evening when the meal is over and everyone retreats back to their homes to rest for the night, Terzo walks with Amelia back to her room. They stride down the halls in a comfortable silence, arm-in-arm like earlier.

“Thank you.” Terzo says when they get to Amelia’s door. “I appreciated you being there for me. With me.”

“You’re welcome. And I want to say I’m sorry.”

He’s surprised. “Sorry? For what?”

Amelia looks down. “For being shocked that you’re ‘well-read’ when I saw you in the library a while back. It seems there’s more to you than I thought. Than most of us think, really.” she sighs. “I’ve thought a lot about that day.”

Terzo looks at her for a moment before speaking. “I believe you also said I was handsome?” He grins.

She blushes intensely and looks down at the floor. “I did.”

“I think you may even like me.” He chuckles.

She looks up at Terzo. “Well, now, let’s not get too presumptuous.” Amelia smiles at him and then looks down again.

Terzo steps closer to her. His left hand moves to tilt Amelia’s head up so he can stare into her eyes. “Maybe I will.”

Amelia feels very flustered. His eyes bore into her own. The imposing Papal paint on his face and stark white eye contrast with the delicate touch of his hands on her chin and the softness in his eyes. Terzo closes his eyes and he leans towards her, Amelia’s eyes close in anticipation. She feels his lips on her forehead and lets out a shaky breath.

“Amelia, may I?” He whispers.

“Yes.” She quickly responds.

He laughs through his nose and both hands move to hold her head in place. When he kisses Amelia, it starts as a soft touch to her lips and at first and she doesn’t know what to do. Terzo presses his lips more to hers, pulling her face closer. She can’t fully understand that Terzo is kissing her yet, it all feels slightly surreal. A short few seconds pass and Amelia’s brain catches up with the situation; she starts kissing him back. Her hands move to Terzo’s back to pull him so their bodies are flush with each other. Smiles into the kiss when he feels Amelia pulling him closer to her. One of her hands travel to his hair and she threads her fingers through the silky black strands.

Terzo’s left hand slides down from her face to her waist, then to her lower back. Amelia’s tongue pokes over to Terzo’s mouth, asking to entry. He hums an approval and their kiss evolves into a frantic back and forth of tongues and tenacity. Mouths battling for each other’s breath, the only sounds in the quiet hallway are of their sloppy make-out and satisfied hums. Lost in the fog of their lust, her left hand moves from his hair to Terzo’s chest, making a fist with in the fabric and Terzo’s hand on her lower back slides down to cup Amelia’s butt; he gives a slight squeeze.

The two stop kissing once she opens her mouth and tilts her head back, letting out a low groan. She can feel something stirring inside, deep in her stomach. Their chests heave slightly to get air back into their lungs and they stand in each other’s presence, breathing heavy. Her head leans back to rest against the door and she watches Terzo. His head is tilted to the side, eyes still closed while he has a massive, dopey smile on his face. Amelia freezes in pace and her eyes are wide as she looks forward.

When did Terzo’s hand get on my ass? She comes-to and nudges Terzo off of her, removing her hands from him. “Uh.” she coughs. “Thank you for this evening, Terzo, I enjoyed… it.”  she quickly turns to open her door and walks into her room. On her way to close it she sees Terzo’s confused expression. His head is still tilted to the side, eyes are now squinting and his mouth is pursed. Terzo’s mouth paint is incredibly smudged. “Goodnight, Terzo.” She smiles awkwardly at him and closes the door.

Amelia can hear a muted and confused “Goodnight?” from him through the door and then the sound of his footsteps growing silent as he walks away, back to his room.

The rest of the night is devoid of sleep for her. Tossing and turning, unable to stop thinking about their kiss. It was so good. Very good. As Amelia thinks more about her feelings towards him, she’s scared.

◊◊◊◊◊

Over the following three days if you’d asked Amelia what she was doing, she’d say she totally hasn’t been avoiding Terzo. She’s been too busy to answer his texts and calls! And coincidentally every time Amelia’s walking down the hallway and she sees Terzo, she just so happens to have remembered something and needs to head back in the other direction.

Amelia has had to rip out a shirt sleeve seam about three times now and when she slams down her seam ripper onto the table, Alex calls over to her.

“Hey uh, boss? Is everything okay?” He asks, looking up from his machine.

No, I’m not okay. I kissed the most beautiful man and now I’m making it weird. “I’m alright, Alex. I just…” She sighs. “I just uh… realized we haven’t measured the new ghouls yet!” she snaps her fingers and perks up. “Could you go to Terzo and ask if they’re all here and summoned… and stuff?”

He looks at her, puzzled. “Sure. I’ll be right back.”

Alex returns about half an hour later and says they can all be here tomorrow for measurements. She nods and they get back to work for the rest of the day. Every so often Amelia can feel Alex’s concerned eyes on her. He leaves once the work day is over and Amelia waves him off. “I need to finish up a couple things. I’ll be out soon!”

“Ok!” Amelia’s phone buzzes and she anxiously looks over to the screen. Alex calls out before he closes the door. “Have a good night.”

She hums and goes back to work. Another text from Terzo. Another spike of worry. “It’s not wrong to have enjoyed it.” she thinks out loud. “Why am I being so weird? This is nothing.” The siblings would eat me alive if I took him off the market because I don’t share!

After enough time has passed where she thinks Terzo will have walked back to his room for the day, Amelia turns off her machine and begins to walk back to her room. She passes by a storage closet on her way and it looks partially opened. She walks over to close it and out from the darkness of the closet, a hand pops out and pulls Amelia in. She yelps as her abductor maneuvers her into the closet and closes the door. She fights against him and he’s grunting. The door is fully closed and it’s dark, then there’s a flash of light.

“Terzo?” she shoves him away. “I almost had a heart attack!”

“You’ve been avoiding me for days, Amelia!” He’s breathing heavy.

“This was your genius plan to talk to me?” She huffs back.

He laughs deliriously. “What else should I have done? You won’t answer my calls or texts. Any time I see you in person you run away.” he points at Amelia. “You even sent your assistant to ask about my ghouls. So tell me, what else is there for me to do?” He waves his hands out to the side.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been busy!” Amelia defends and Terzo scoffs. “It’s the truth!”

He takes Amelia’s hands into his own. “Did I do something wrong? Did I cross a boundary? Did I do something to make you uncomfortable?” He asks with genuine fear in his voice.

She gives a deep sigh. “No. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Amelia looks up to him. “It’s me that’s the problem.”

His hands drop Amelia’s. He’s confused. “I’m not following…”

Amelia interrupts him. “I’m terrified about the fact that I really liked kissing you, Terzo. And I’ve been avoiding you because every time I see you, I think back to that evening and I can’t think straight.”

“Oh.” Terzo moves back half a step, he’s slightly surprised. “Oh.” he smiles. “Was I that good?”

Amelia grumbles. She shoves Terzo back more. “This isn’t funny, you smug bastard!”

“No, no, I just haven’t ever been in a situation where someone would avoid me because they enjoyed kissing me.” he shakes his finger in the air and nods his head. “That’s a new one.”

She rolls her eyes. “Well, I’m happy I could be a first for you on something. You’re welcome.” Amelia deadpans.  

“Grazie.” he replies smugly. “I owe you a proper date, then.” Terzo states matter-of-fact.

“What?”

“Amelia, if you think I’m letting you go, you have another thing coming.” He laughs incredulously.

She knits her eyebrows together and crosses her arms. “Shouldn’t I have a say in the matter?”

“You do, but I doubt you will say no.” he smirks. “Anyways, that clergy dinner was a lousy attempt of a first date.”

Her face contorts. “Was that your attempt at a date?”

He puts a finger up in the air to defend himself. “I’d like to call it an experiment.”

“I’d like to get out of this closet.” Amelia opens the door and Terzo follows her out.

He grabs her hand as they stand in the hallway. “So, what do you say? You. Me. Tomorrow evening? I’ll text you the details around lunchtime.” One hand comes to rest on her cheek.

She laughs incredulously. “You’re going to keep me in suspense all morning tomorrow while I’m measuring your ghouls?” She looks up at him with raised eyebrows.

“Yes.” Amelia scoffs. “I now enjoy watching you squirm, actually. It’s cute.” she playfully hits at Terzo’s chest and he laughs.

“Fine. Yes tomorrow evening sounds good.”

◊◊◊◊◊

All day Amelia has been on edge, waiting for Terzo’s text with their date details. At least measuring the ghouls had gone okay. They showed up on time and behaved relatively well for Demons that have been summoned from Hell, though the Fire ghoul had quite the spark in him when she measured anywhere near his waist and hips.

--------

Terzo: 1:45 pm

Meet me in the library at 8pm. Wear your purple dress, per favore?

--------

Amelia: 1:46 pm

I can do that. I’ll see you at 8!

--------

The library? Ok then.

Amelia and Alex spent the rest of day drowning in pattern paper. The ghoul measurements weren’t too varied between the five she measured so they plan to make two pattern blocks: one bigger and one smaller. A couple of them will come back and be fitted to make sure it’s not too big on their bodies.

7:40 pm rolls around and Amelia determines that she’s waited long enough on her room. After coming back from the studio, she took a shower to calm her nerves and re-dressed in the outfit she wore the other night at the clergy dinner. Away from the studio, from work to distract, her mind is idle and it won’t shut up. Amelia attempted to calm her mind by casting on a knitting project but she kept dropping stitches. With shaky hands Amelia put on her shoes and she heads over to the library. Her thoughts swirl with anxiety. Has he done this with other siblings? He said he wasn’t ‘letting me go’? Does Terzo even date?

She checks her phone. 8:00 on the dot. Do I knock? Will he hear it?  She walks in and standing by the reading couches and chairs, on the far-left side of the library is Terzo, wearing the same outfit from the dinner the other night. He’s fixing something on the table so his back is facing Amelia. She watches him for a moment; Terzo appears to be fiddling with the food placement on the table. He’s just as jittery as I am. And in a small way, she’s comforted by it. He wants a do-over.

Terzo startles and stands upright when Amelia gives a small cough, signaling her arrival. He turns around and she sees his face is without the skull paint. He’s just Terzo tonight.

“I hope you like charcuterie.” he gestures to the platter on the table. “It was the only thing I could put together that didn’t have the kitchen staff coming at me with knives.” He clasps his hands together nervously.

She smiles. “I do like it. Thank you.”

“Sit, please.” Terzo sits down on the couch and leaves room for her to sit next to him on his left side.

Amelia sits down, leaving a foot of space between them. They eat in silence for a bit. Once she’s finished, Amelia turns her body to look at Terzo, her legs shifting so she can lean into the side of the couch. “Great choices on the food. Thank you.” Her hands rest in her lap.

He hums. Just like Amelia, he turns his body to look at her. “How did the measuring go today? Did my ghouls give you any Hell?” He smiles.

“They weren’t too bad. The Fire ghoul as I suspected has a little more fire in him compared to the rest. Any time I got near his hips he’d start purring!” They both laugh.

“The ghouls are going to be magnificent on tour! I can just tell. While we practice my songs, it already feels like they’ve been playing together for centuries.” he’s beaming. “It’s only been a few days but I can tell these ghouls are special.”

“How do you have songs written already? You were announced as Papa only recently?”

“Ah! I figured when Secondo became Papa that I was on borrowed time.” He waves one of his hands in the air.

She nods. “I see, makes sense!”

Terzo scoots closer to Amelia. “What was the rest of your day like?”

Amelia lets out a breath. “Oh, well, after the ghouls left the studio, Alex and I made a mad dash to start the pattern blocks for the ghouls’ costumes before the day could get away from us.” She smiles. “I think I have at least three or four papercuts on my hands at this point.”

Terzo grabs Amelia’s hands. He rubs at her palms and pretends to be worried. “Oh, per favore Amelia, I can’t let you hurt your skilled hands! Your precious tools!” He lifts her hands to give a small kiss to the palms. She blushes and looks down.

“It’s not as bad as it sounds. I should probably be more worried about carpal tunnel from knitting too much.” She giggles.

His eyes go wide in mock-surprise. “She sews and knits! I didn’t know I was in the presence of a double threat!” More giggling from Amelia. Terzo leans in closer to her. “What other skills are your hands hiding from me?” He raises an eyebrow and then leans away. He lets her hands go and she tries to hide the disappointment. Terzo lays his left arm to rest on the back of the couch. Amelia shifts herself by bending her right leg to lay in the cushion and leans on her right, propping up her head in her right hand by leaning on the back of the couch.

“Tell me about your day, Terzo. What does a recently inducted Papa do?” She swats his knee.

“It’s pretty boring, if you can believe it. Right now, my main focus is song writing and rehearsing.” he counts on his fingers. “I’ll probably be able to go on a promo tour in a few months!”

“Already? Wow!” she looks away and hesitates before looking back at Terzo. “Could I listen and watch in on your rehearsals one day?”

“Of course! When you have a free moment, I will gladly give you your own private Ritual.” he leans in. “I would love to serenade you with it being just the two of us.” He smiles softly.

They go back and forth talking for what feels like hours. Terzo’s eyes watch Amelia with an intensity she’s not used to. Sure, she’s been on dates but no other man has looked at her with purpose like Terzo does. He watches her speak like it’s his job, like he’s trying to absorb her words and not just hear them. She feels like his white eye specifically is trying to look into her mind. It’s slightly intoxicating to have his full attention.

He asks Amelia about her sewing and knitting hobbies. She can tell that Terzo has no idea what a ‘cast on’ or ‘circle yoke’ means but he’s a champ nonetheless. On the flip side, Terzo can tell when Amelia’s eyes glaze over at the differences in guitar brands versus the particular sounds they make. Are they not just the same sound with different bodies? To which Terzo softly replies “No, tesoro.”

At this point they’ve scooched closer to each other so much that their knees are touching, nearly overlapping. Amelia’s right hand rests on her knee and Terzo’s placed his hand on top of hers. Their nerves dissipated as the night went on but the calm haze in her mind shifts slightly once she realizes Terzo’s face is creeping dangerously close to hers, reminding her of their first kiss a few nights earlier. His cologne, the way his shirt rests open at the top where Amelia can see some of his chest hair. And the way he’s looking at me. Is he going to kiss me again tonight? Amelia looks down and her hand tenses up on her knee; he notices.

She breathes in and then out. “Terzo?”

“Yes?” He responds quietly, rubbing lightly on her hand with his thumb.

She looks up at his lips and then into his eyes. He half-smirks. She places her left hand on his shoulder. “Could you kiss me?” Terzo nods.

He wastes no time and his lips fall to hers in a fury. There’s no hesitation this time around between them and she moves her hand from his shoulder up to the back of his neck, pulling Terzo forward. His hands find themselves onto her back and his right leg that hangs off the couch helps to give him leverage as he pushes himself up and leans into Amelia causing her to fall back into the couch on her back with Terzo resting his body on top of hers; he slots himself in-between her legs. His left hand stays on Amelia’s back and his right arm supports himself as he continues the kiss from her lips down to her neck. She has one hand on the back of his head while the other rests on his chest. Terzo nibbles at her neck lightly and Amelia feels him smile before his mouth latch onto the sensitive skin, lightly sucking and biting. She lets out a few soft “Ah!” sounds in his ministrations.

Terzo’s left hand drags itself from under her back and glides down from her hip to slip under the hem of her dress to caress her thigh as he moves his body further up. She breathes out a heavy sigh when she feels him rubbing small circles on her inner thigh. They’re grinding lightly against each other, and Amelia can feel Terzo’s hand starts to slowly move up her leg. She remembers in that moment where they are and the rational side of Amelia’s brain makes her groan loudly before speaking up.

“Terzo…”

He hums into her neck. “Mmm. Si, amore?”

“As much as I would enjoy taking things further ah!” Terzo sucks lightly again on her neck. “We can’t do it here.” She can feel his mouth turn to a pout.

“Why not? The doors automatically locked half an hour ago.” he pleads. Terzo lifts himself off her body slightly to look at Amelia.

Her hand on his head shifts to run her fingers up through his hair. She tugs on the strands lightly and he leans his head back, smiling. Terzo gives an intense stare into Amelia’s eyes. “I’m not going to let you fuck me on the library couch, Terzo.”  he looks at her slightly disappointed. “At least have the decency of doing this in a bed.”

Terzo smirks and then removes himself from her. He smooths his shirt down his torso and holds out his hand for Amelia to come with him. “Si, padrona.”

“What about the food?” She asks as they walk out of the library.

He wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her into his side, leaving a kiss on her temple. “I’ll come back for it later.”

◊◊◊◊◊

It’s been a few weeks since their date and they’ve settled into a calm rhythm together. Amelia will eat dinner in the dining hall and head over to Terzo’s to spend the evening with him. She still sleeps in her room from time to time, only long enough before Terzo asks for her to come back. A few times she’s had dinner with him in his room, sharing a small meal while recapping their day. Some siblings have caught on to their routine and sometimes she can hear them talking about her.

Amelia finishes up in the bathroom and walks out to see Terzo, leaning back in bed, wearing his reading glasses with a book propped up in his lap. She smiles. “Have I mentioned how much I love your glasses? They make you look so handsome. So distinguished.” Terzo smiles when she places a kiss to the top of his head as she passes by to sit on her side of the bed.

He hums. “Do my bifocals turn you on, amore?” Terzo turn his head to Amelia and smirks.

She thinks for a moment and then tilts her head, dramatically batting her eyelashes at him and smiles. “Yes, the glasses stay on during sex.” She grabs her knitting project and goes to work. A simple scarf project has made its home at Terzo’s bedside for nights where she stays over.

Terzo laughs and pecks her cheek with a small kiss. “If you insist.”

For a while they sit in silence. He gasps slightly at something and Amelia can’t help but wonder.

“When did you become such a bookworm?”

He places a bookmark in between the pages and sets down the book. “Recently, actually. Becoming Papa allowed me so much extra time in my day.” Amelia tilts her head. “I’ve been devoted to Sathanas and the Church for my entire life but never had the time until the past few months to do what I want. My brothers were Papa, my father was Papa! His father…“

“Papa?” Amelia stops him with a playful tone in her voice before he can go on further.

Terzo’s face scrunches up in disgust. “No no no, Amelia, I am not Papa with you. Around me, I am Terzo. I will always be Terzo Emeritus: Lover…”

She knits her eyebrows together. “…and?”

“Well that’s pretty much been it. We had a big expectation put on us to lead the band once it looked like Primo would start it back up again. Our wants and needs were put on the proverbial back-burner.” he chuckles. “But how could I resist when a pretty face comes to me, asking for help in their carnal desires?”

She rolls her eyes. “What a hero.” Amelia lets out a yawn and decides that knitting is done for the night. She lays down on her side and wraps an arm across Terzo’s stomach, under his arms as he holds up his book. “What are you so enraptured with tonight?”

He turns his head and looks down at her. He smiles softly. “It’s about an art thief. The man and his amore managed to work together and steal hundreds of pieces from small museums around Europe before getting caught.”

“Read some of it to me?”

“Of course.” Amelia snuggles her head into the pillow. “European oil works that blossomed at the end of the Renaissance and the dawn of the Baroque. Paintings that distil dreams…“  Terzo’s voice soon soothes her into a peaceful sleep.

◊◊◊◊◊

Terzo’s album, Meliora, is about to be released after a few months of non-stop work with the ghouls. He let amelia know a couple nights ago that there would be a short tour to promote it. A small group of music stores and radio stations would be graced with his unholiness in the form of an intimate, acoustic concert. “And there’s a special surprise, amore!” He said excitedly before brandishing a kazoo.

The rest of the Ministry now know they’re together. It’s not like he formally said anything, she made sure to talk him down of any sweeping, romantic public declarations of love. Terzo is compromising by kissing her just on the cheek when they’re around others. He still manages to make others think they’re interrupting a private moment when he gives her a simple kiss. The weird looks haven’t ceased from the other siblings, however. It seems Terzo being in a relationship is… odd to the rest of the clergy. Amelia swears she hears dramatic, wistful sighs when she walks by.

On the evening before he heads out on the unplugged tour, Terzo texted Amelia that he’s staying late in the rehearsal studio to refine a couple things with the ghouls. He said for her not to wait up and she goes to her room to rest for the night. By 11pm he hasn’t messaged anything to let her know he’s back to his room, so she makes a plan to walk over and see if he wants some company. On her way to the studio, she walks by a couple of Terzo’s ghouls and waves at them. She and Alex have finished up their suits and the ghouls are ready for their debut.

She’s made it to the rehearsal space when she can hear Terzo talking to someone. A sister? Terzo sounds tired. She watches from around a corner and eavesdrops on the scene.

“Papa, are you tired? Sit down. Let me rub your shoulders.” She asks.

Amelia rolls her eyes.

Terzo sits down. “You may be right sorella, about the sitting. My old legs are not made for all this standing.” he shakes his head. “I’m not sure why they promoted me now to be Papa!”

The sister smiles and walks behind him. She places her hands on Terzo’s shoulders and he tenses up. “Oh, Papa you really do need a massage.”

“Ah, there’s no need for that.” His eyes flick from side to side.

There really isn’t!

Terzo stands up from the chair, groaning slightly. “Sorella, please, go back to your room. Get some rest.”

Amelia walks away slightly and then calls out to Terzo, making some noise to announce her arrival. When she walks into the room, Terzo’s tired face looks a bit less pouty through his paint. He must not have had a chance to wash it off yet.

“Amore!” He makes it obvious to the woman. “I am so happy to see you!”

Amelia smugly smiles to the sibling and then looks at Terzo. “I was worried sick.” She dramatically sighs.

Terzo’s eyes light up, catching on. “Oh, amore mio, mi dispiace.” He takes hold of Amelia’s hands in his gloved hand and sighs into a kiss on her lips. He’s taken to wearing white gloves with his new suit.

When they separate, Amelia looks around the room and the sister has disappeared! Imagine that! She laughs.

Terzo’s arms loop around her waist and he pulls Amelia’s body up to his. He leans down to her ear and whispers “Jealousy is an interesting shade of green on you, amore.”

She leans away to look at him. “I don’t like seeing people flirt with my… boyfriend.”

One of Terzo’s hands cups her face. He leans in an kisses her. “They don’t do it that often.”

What? She frowns. “But they do do it?”

“Amelia, I can hear the cogs turning in your head. It’s fine. They’ll eventually give up.” Terzo kisses her cheek. “Let’s go to bed now, eh? I have a tour to start tomorrow!”

◊◊◊◊◊

Terzo’s been gone for a week and a half and Amelia is still thinking about the other night with the sibling. He reassures her repeatedly that the advances of others are nothing for her to worry about. It still doesn’t help her mind that it’s happening in the first place. While he’s been away, she’s gone into an anxious spiral and today it’s all come to a head. Amelia decides today that her body is too weary to go to the studio.

--------

Amelia: 7:45 am

I need a personal day, Alex. You can do whatever you want in the studio today.

--------

Alex: 7:46 am

Can I work on Marilyn? She’s been calling my name like a siren’s song!

--------

Amelia: 7:48 am

I don’t know why you insist on naming MY sewing machine but sure, go ahead.

--------

Alex: 7:49 am

Because she’s a vintage 1950s beauty! She deserves the honor. The respect.

--------

Amelia: 7:50 am

Sure.

--------

Amelia’s not hungry enough to go down to the dining hall so she snacks on a box of granola bars she keeps hidden in her room for times like these. For the rest of the morning, she decides to knit a simple hat to keep her mind busy. The TV on the other side of the room plays old episodes of Scooby-Doo. Episodes she’s seen countless times and the steady rhythm of the knit stitch lull her into an impromptu nap.

There’s a knock on the door and Amelia jolts awake; She fell asleep while knitting and the needles are still in her hands. She checks the time on her phone, it reads “2:37 pm” and there are some missed texts from Terzo and Alex. There’s a slight crick in her neck from her head lolling forward while she napped. Amelia gets up from her bed, lightly rubbing at the back of her neck on her walk to the door, and opens it to see a frantic Terzo clutching a tub of soup in one hand and some rough looking roses in the other hand. He’s wearing the Papal paints on his face but they’re noticeably smudged around the eyes.

He walks towards her and wraps his arms around her as best he can while his hands are occupied. “Amelia, amore mio, what’s wrong? I got back today from the tour to find that you weren’t at the studio.” he pulls back and looks into her eyes. “Alex said you weren’t feeling well?”

“Basically, yeah.” She sighs. He walks into her room and Amelia closes the door. “I think preparing the costumes for a tour, however small it was… and everything else caught up with me.” she looks at the flowers in his hands. “Oh! Let me get something for those.”

“I brought some soup, a Secondo Classic, to feed the belly and flowers from Primo’s garden to feed the soul.” Terzo explains. “Secondo was happy to give up the soup but Primo… was not the same about the roses.” he laughs. “When he caught me cutting off a few, he threw a shovel towards me. I had to yank the rest out of the ground at the last second.”

Amelia looks up to him in horror. “He what?”

Terzo smiles at her when she takes the flowers from him. “Ah it was no big deal! It was just a warning shot.”

With the roses now in the biggest cup Amelia could find, she sets it down and walks up to Terzo, she puts her hands on his shoulders. “Well, I don’t take too kindly to someone trying to hurt my Papa. Even if it was… a different Papa”  

He raises an eyebrow. “Your Papa? Some of the members of this ministry might have some trouble with that.” Amelia frowns slightly. “Go lay down, amore. I’ll join you.” He gives a light kiss to her hairline.

She looks down and notices his shoes. “Could you take off your shoes? I don’t want dirt tracking all over the carpet.”

“For you, anything.” He laughs and removes his shoes from his feet. Amelia gets comfy in bed and Terzo follows right after. The soup rests on her nightstand next to the roses she’s placed there.

Amelia lays down on her left side and Terzo lays down on his right so he can face her. He wraps his arms around her and Amelia wraps her right arm around Terzo’s waist. She’s tucked under his chin and for a few minutes they lay there in silence. Amelia lets out a deep sigh and snuggles closer to Terzo’s chest. He runs his left hand up and down her back. Her eyes are closed and she yawns.

“Could I tell you about the tour?” He whispers.

She mumbles “Mhm” into his chest and nods. 

“I think it went very well. The audience certainly liked my kazoo surprise!” he smiles. “I’m excited to plan a full-fledged tour now that the album is out.” He lets out a loud yawn and settles more into the bed, closing his eyes. “But now, we rest.”

The pair drift off into a short nap. After about half an hour, their arms fall asleep and they wake up with pins and needles in their arms. Amelia and Terzo sit up and she decides it’s a good time to try the soup he brought. While she drinks the soup, Terzo takes the moment to go to her bathroom to wash off his paint. He always says that around her, he doesn’t want to be in the paint, the costume. Around Amelia is where he wants to feel like himself. He says that Papa and Terzo are two different people. How long will it take before the two merges into one? Amelia worries. How long until Papa gets tired of me?

◊◊◊◊◊

One night, some months following Terzo’s unplugged tour, Amelia is sitting in his room nervously biting her nails and checking her phone. Some clergy dinner or event needed Terzo there as the current Papa and she’s sitting in a chair nervously bouncing her knee, waiting for him to come back to his room. These types of events have cropped up more lately and Amelia can’t bring herself to attend them. Siblings still stare at her. Terzo as Papa is a tantalizing sight to the congregation and some of the sisters and brothers lament that his charms are being reduced to just Amelia’s direction. And they make it very obvious.

She knows she shouldn’t worry. Terzo reassures her there isn’t anything she needs to be concerned about! Every time he reminds her though, Amelia feels like a burden and she feels like shit because of it. His door opens and he stumbles through and Amelia shoots up from her seat.

“Amelia, amore mio, you’re still up?” He asks.

“Yes, I couldn’t sleep without you.” She trails off towards the end and then looks down to the floor.

Terzo walks over to her and holds her face to give her a kiss. Amelia dodges Terzo’s advances and he removes his hands. She notices something on the white fabric of his gloves. Kiss marks?

“Terzo, what happened?” She grabs his hands and he looks tired.

“Nothing, Amelia. Really! A sweet sorella was being a little too devotional is all.” she rolls her eyes. “I didn’t want to disappoint her as Papa!”

“You also have a mark on your collar, Terzo!” she points. “Was it the same sister?” his eyes look off to the side and he frowns. “Are you serious?”

“It means nothing personal to me!” He reassures.

“What’s to stop someone from getting bolder in the future. What if I walk around a corner to meet up with you and see someone getting way too handsy?”

He shakes his head. “I wouldn’t let anyone get to that point. I wouldn’t want anyone to get to that point!”

Amelia’s fingers pinch the bridge of her nose and she closes her eyes. “I can’t do this anymore, Terzo! I don’t want to feel…” she waves her hands in the air in surrender and walks around the room. “I feel like a burden to you. I feel like I’m making you choose between me and the church and I can’t do it anymore.”

“Can’t do what?” He rushes to her.

“You can either be Terzo and be with me, or Papa and be there for the Clergy.” she pleads. “Obviously, you’re Papa so that should come first.”

“Do you think I’d prefer anyone else?” he asks.

Amelia shakes her head. “No, I don’t. But the Papas are known for… being with siblings from time to time.” She puts delicately. “It’s almost considered a badge of honor.”

His hands rush to grab Amelia’s. “Amore…” he whispers. “Please understand that I wouldn’t betray your trust, ever.”

“I believe you, Terzo.” he moves to speak and she cuts him off. “But I can’t-” she feels her eyes welling up “I can’t handle this anymore. While you lead the band and the Clergy… It’s all too much on my mind. The siblings won.” she removes her hands from his and walks away from him. “You deserve to help your flock without me weighing you down.”

“Amelia, wait! Please don’t go.” He frantically pleads to her as she walks towards the door.

Her hand is on the door handle and she hesitates for a moment. “I wanted to ask you about the smudged paint around your mouth, but I’m not sure the answer would’ve helped in the end.” Amelia walks out of his room. Terzo chokes out her name, calling her to come back but she’s too far down the hall to care about turning around.

◊◊◊◊◊

--------

Amelia: 11:29 pm

Congrats on the Grammy. It’s a beautiful song, worthy of the award.

--------

◊◊◊◊◊

Open browser… Y-o-u-tube… Search bar… ‘Papa Emeritus the third’… ‘pulled from the stage’… Enter…

…

…

…

“Oh my god.”

Thank you for reading!

Translations:

Sorella [sister]

per favore [please]

“Perfetto. Sei bellissima! [perfect. You’re beautiful.]

“Fratello! Sono felice di vedere che finalmente sei arrivato.” “E con un ospite?” [Brother! I'm happy to see you've finally arrived. And with a Guest?]

“Non mi hai mai detto che stavate scopando.” [You never told me you two were fucking]

“stai zitto, Secondo.” [shut the hell up, secondo]

grazie [thank you]

[awellboiledicicle]

just realized i don't need to write gertrude giving a tour, so much as write the various archival assistants coming in after michael like.

"why is there a new desk"

"No idea"

"Did you look through it already?"

"Sarah, why I-- Just because i was here, alone with it?"

"Did you?"

"Yes. No identifying information, just full of notebooks and calendars. Good pen choice though. You know the ones i put in a request for, that got turned down because the ones we were buying already worked fine? Those ones. So either they brought their own or someone likes them."

"Curious." Emma squints over her glasses before sitting at her own desk, eyeing the furniture over. "Gertrude didn't mention any new hires."

"Whoever it is is going to hate that chair, so must not like them too much." Sarah was in the middle of peering over the offending object, as if she could divine its future occupant through wood grain alone. "My back hurts just looking at it."

At the sound of someone coming down the stairs, she darted back to her desk and tried her best to look like she'd been settling in for the day. Michael's previous efforts to make everyone tea and have it on their desks aided in that effort, though it did mean she almost dropped her cup when Gertrude appeared in the doorway with a stranger in tow. Largely, of course, because the person with her was very recognizably the poor bastard they'd all seen hauled out a few weeks prior.

They were far more lively looking now, of course; the lack of dried blood and a fresh set of clothes did tend to have that effect. Their eyes seemed to take in the room as a whole, noting each of the assistants in turn, before a blink let their face settle into an awkward sort of smile as they shadowed behind Gertrude.

"As I'm sure you've noticed, we're to have a new assistant joining us here in the archive." She gave a stiff nod that the person behind her took as a signal to step forward. They had a death grip on their cane and that only really changed enough for them to give a half wave before shifting on their feet. Gertrude continued after it became apparent they weren't going to introduce themselves. "This is April May. They'll--"

"April?" Michael hadn't meant to nearly shout, really, he was just currently in the process of processing the implications and his mouth ran away before he could catch it. The outburst brought their attention soundly to him, an owlish blink following a tilt of their head. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, Ms. Robinson, I just--"

He gestured toward the stacks and hoped that would serve as explanation. She graced him with an understanding expression, which was promptly replaced with her usual business like manner.

"It's alright, Michael. As I was saying: they will be working with us for the foreseeable future. I expect you all will be quite welcoming to them as they adjust to their new position." She gestured April toward their new desk, which they hurried to sit behind. The chair was just tall enough to let them peek over the top at her, which they frowned at momentarily, before pulling back on the half smile they had before. They kept glancing between the various people in the room, landing on Michael for a good few seconds longer than was comfortable, and then moving on again. He fidgeted. "Michael?"

"Yes?"

"Show them around the stacks and the paperwork, would you?"

"Of course!"

The second Gertrude's door closed, they surrounded April like a school of sharks. Which very abruptly caused their expression to shift from tentative to having their mouth pressed into a thin line, eyes darting fast enough to make Michael worry if they'd be dizzy. Sarah soldiered on through her introduction--complete with reaching over the desk to shake their hand--with very little indication she was noticing this shift. Emma had the manners to stand just far enough to be polite about it while coolly introducing herself.

Michael meanwhile was attempting to figure out how to introduce himself without vibrating into pieces. Because it felt like he had a million and one questions to ask, many of which would absolutely not be fitting to ask someone you'd technically only just met. Not to mention the fact that something about them felt... off. Not in a bad way, but in the much the same way that it would feel very off to see a trout in the middle of a parking lot. They had the sort of air about them that they were expecting something to happen. An anxious expectation he'd seen in statement givers dozens of times before, but never in another employee of the institute. He managed to focus back in about the time their focus found him again and he was met with a squint.

"Erm, hello. It's nice to finally meet you face to face!" They quirked an eyebrow and he internally kicked himself for the turn of phrase, though they seemed more amused by it than anything. "Michael Shelley, pleasure!"

At this confirmation, the smile returned in force and they shook his hand with a grip he'd honestly would have thought beyond them. Their hands were exceptionally warm, as well, which was rather at odds with how pale they were. He tried to be discreet about flexing his fingers when they finally let go.

"Nice to be able to!" Their voice was a little raspy, but nothing terribly shocking. The accent was something he'd take a bit to get used to hearing around on the daily, but he'd manage. They seemed to relax a bit after glancing around the room once again. "Where's crosstalk?"

"Cross-- Oh! Eric will be in..." He made a vague gesture at the clock and made his way back to his desk, figuring he could give them their space. "Probably another hour."

"So..." They tapped their fingers on the cover of their desk and glanced back over the other two doing their own thing. "Paperwork and the stacks, huh?"

He opened his mouth before closing it and standing once more.

"After I get you some tea-- would you like a cup? I make some for everyone in the morning." He managed to make himself not say 'and you should have some after what you went through', because they absolutely did not need that stated. "If not, we can get started."

"I..." They looked around again and cleared their throat. "I would like that, thank you."

[kicks feet] i love them all

[imtryingmybeskar]

Hello! For the end of year writing ask, please can we have G, L and N?

💛💛

Hi lovely! Thank you so much for asking!

G - Where do you think you grew the most ths year?

I am terrible for writing in fits and starts. I just can't keep to a schedule. But with Starman I did. Every week except for one when I had exams. So I proved to myself I can do it haha

Also I think my general understanding of the fundamentals of fanfic has got better. I've joined and am active in a few subreddits now and people there who have been writing fanfic for decades have helped me understand certain things.

For example; I generally write reader insert because I'm a horny bastard who loves to play with the Pedro characters. But someone pointed out to me that I write reader insert in the past tense which doesn't make a lot of sense since it's supposed to be immersive. That's why I re-did the first few chapters of Come Home. It's something so basic, but I hadn't realised I was doing it. And now I'm deep in Chapters 5/6 of Come Home I'm realising I should have done this as a third person OFC. There's A LOT more angst and hurt and trauma in there than I had initially planned on and the smut is a decent way away so I think going forward I'll keep the reader inserts for one shots and do more writing for OCs.

Always learning!

L - Which character did you write most about this year and why do you like them?

I took a LONG break from writing after Starman. It was so well received and I got so attached to the world that I needed a little distance from writing in general. I also started a new job which left me less time to write too.

So the two characters I've written most for this year are probably Ezra and Joel.

I love writing Ezra for his dialogue. His speech is so rich and I love finding the right words for it to flow properly. Eugene from The Walking Dead is my guide when I get stuck. I can always hear his voice and its a good basis for Ezra's I've found.

Joel....I've been in love with Joel for a long time. I watched playthroughs of TLOU before I ever played it and that VOICE holy crap! I love Joel for his duality. Joel gushing incoming!

When we first meet him he's a youngish father of a teenage girl. That life gets unceremoniously ripped away and we then see him two decades later as a rugged, damaged and brooding man. Except...he still has that capability for affection and we see it in glimpses with Tess when he cleans her wounds and when he refers to himself jokingly as "the romantic type" and she replies more seriously that "you have your ways".

Surviving has pummelled him and punished him but he's still standing, and the main way he's managed that is through bloody mindedness and literal brute force. But once he trusts someone, he shows he can open up.

With Ellie it's more difficult because of the obvious parallels with Sarah. But once she breaks through and he realises that he loves her too, nothing can stop him from protecting her and wanting to be close to her. Which leads to his downfall and the tragedy of TLOU2. I won't go into that except to say that I REALLY hope they do another series or 2 dealing with TLOU2. The scenes with Joel and Ellie at the museum for her birthday are some of my favourites in anything ever. I love seeing them as father/daughter. I love how fiercely they love each other and how giving and generous he is and how he's determined to give her some semblance of a childhood that she never got to experience. I love the way he looks at her, like her smile is the reason he gets up in the morning.

I think the lesson here is don't set me off talking about Joel Miller lol

N - Anything you were planning to write that never got written?

So much. I have notebooks full of ideas. I half wrote a Din and Grogu oneshot that had a kind of GoT/Robin Hobb Assassin books feel and I started to write a Fairy Tale Triple Frontier AU and then realised I actually want to smush them together and write it as an original story not as fanfic. So that's on the back-burner for now.

[geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde]

Sarah, could I please have Geraskier with Geralt pranking Jaskier?

This might not be as lighthearted as you were looking for but this is where the muse took me???? I have a complicated relationship with pranks. 

But I hope you enjoy it, regardless! And thank you so much for sending a prompt, I really did enjoy writing this! <3

-

Jaskier had started it. He’d hid Geralt’s potion bag and replaced all of Geralt’s normal clothes with pink silk and salted Geralt’s tea and so many other stupid little pranks.

At first, it had amused Geralt, and he enjoyed the smile that lit up the bard’s face when he successfully pranked the witcher. Eventually, though, it started to get old.

So one evening, when the two were camping, and Jaskier carelessly tossed his new pocket sized notebook down on their bedroll, Geralt saw his chance, and grabbed the notebook, hiding it.

Jaskier rifled through his bags, grabbing a comfortable sleep shirt and changing into it before walking back to their bedroll, “Where’s my notebook?” he asked, looking at Geralt with his brows furrowed.

Geralt looked at Jaskier, eyebrow raised, “What notebook?”

“The new one I just bought! The little one that fits in my pockets!” Jaskier’s hands settled on his hips, looking at Geralt exasperatedly.

“You didn’t buy anything in the last village, Jaskier.”

Jaskier blinked in surprise, “What do you mean? You were with me when I bought it!”

Staring at Jaskier, Geralt responded in a deadpan voice, “You never bought anything, Jaskier. I would have noticed.

Jaskier huffed indignantly, “Yes I did, Geralt, and I just had it!”

“Where?”

“I set it on the bedroll!”

Geralt looked at the bedroll and then back at Jaskier, “There’s nothing on the bed roll.”

“Yes, I see that now, thanks. But there was! My notebook was right there!”

“I don’t think it was.”

Jaskier frowned at Geralt and then looked back to the bedroll. The notebook really wasn’t there.

He started looking around the camp, rooting through his bag, looking under his bedroll, “I guess I just dreamed the whole thing,” he finally sighed, sounding defeated.

When they laid down that night to sleep, Geralt wrapped an arm around Jaskier, putting his hand up in front of Jaskier’s face, holding a… “You bastard!” Jaskier shot up, pointing an accusatory finger at the witcher.

Geralt let out a laugh at the bard’s dramatics and sat up beside him, pulling him in for a kiss.

“That was cruel, making me think I’d lost my mind,” Jaskier said after the two separated.

“Hmm… so were all of the pranks you pulled on me. Can we agree to stop?”

Jaskier frowned, “I’m sorry Geralt, I agree to stop.”

Geralt smiled at the bard and pulled him forward for another kiss.

-

I now have a prompt fill 2020 masterlist if anyone wants to check out the other prompt fills I’ve done today

tag list: @stinastar @jaskierswolf @elliestormfound @geraskier-trashh @hailhailsatan @bastardofmothman

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Makayla Part Two

Sam Winchester x Reader

Words: 2529

Part One

Summary: With your secret revealed, Sam has no choice but to help you. Dean, still holding a grudge, reluctantly joins. Makayla gets to know her family. 

Notes: I hope you guys are liking this series as much as I loved writing it! Thank you for all of your support already, it really means the world to me. Continue to let me know what you think and enjoy more of Winchester October. 

Special shout out to my amazing beta reader Sarah, @suckmysupernatural​ . I love her so much and honestly, she’s helped me so much in getting these imagines out for you and she has some absolutely killer writing of her own!

Want more Supernatural? Find it HERE

-

Five Years Ago

Sam held you a little closer tonight. Seeing Jessica… it just brought back so many bad memories and took his mind to a darker place. It was the place that gave him nightmares of losing you or his brother. So he held you a little closer. You didn’t mind. It helped you fight your own night demons. 

Of course, you couldn’t sleep anyway. You laid there, gently running your fingers through Sam’s hair and staring up at the ceiling. There was this dread gnawing at your insides. You weren’t her. You would never be her. It wasn’t that she was beautiful. She meant more than that. She was the life Sam always wanted but never got. The life he still dreamt about. The one he hoped for someday. You couldn’t give him that life. You were too far gone. 

“You okay, kid?” Dean was looking over at you from his bed, unable to sleep himself. He had been doing more research on the leviathans. You turned your head, eyes glistening in the dark. 

“That was one sick bastard.” You whispered angrily. Dean sighed. 

“Sometimes that's how they get us. They can make us see things. Stuff we want to forget.”

“But he doesn’t want to forget her.” You looked back up at the ceiling. “Not really. I think her memory gives him hope.”

“Hope for what?” 

“For the life he could have had with her.” You didn’t say anymore, but you didn’t have to. Dean understood you pretty well. You two were a lot alike. That’s why you scared him. 

-

Present Day

“Sam?” Makayla gasped, looking at you with wide eyes. Dean’s eyes kept darting between you and Sam and the little girl. Makayla was beaming. “My dad’s name is Sam!” You inhaled sharply. 

“Kayla, why don’t you go back with Miss Naomi and show her those drawings you made me?” 

“But I want to stay here and meet Sam.” She pouted her lip and gave you those big puppy eyes that her dad was always so good at. You kissed her forehead. 

“You can meet him later, but mom needs to talk to them first, okay?” 

“Okay.” She frowned and scampered off to find Naomi. Without her, the three of you fell silent, everything slowly sinking in. 

“How old is she?” Sam asked quietly. You barely heard him. 

“What?”

“How old is she?” This time he looked at you and his eyes with a mix of sadness and anger and confusion, but most of all, he looked devastated. You had to look away. 

“She’s four. She’ll turn five in March.” 

“Jesus Christ, Y/N…” Dean sighed, running a hand down his face. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sam was trying to keep himself together, but this was too much. First, you come back after five years of leaving him in the dust and then you tell him he has a daughter? 

“I wanted to, Sam. I swear, I was going to.” You cried. “But I never knew if you were alive or dead or in hell! I didn’t know what to do Sam.”

“You find me and tell me I have a child!” He yelled, towering over you. “You had four years, Y/N. There’s no excuse for that.” You wanted to reach to him, but your arms just fell limply to your sides. 

“I’m sorry.” There was nothing else you could say. 

“Sorry?” Dean scoffed. “Sweetheart we are so far past sorry, we’re in a different time zone.” Dean was almost as rattled as Sam. This whole time, you had been hiding a kid. After the way you left… Sam deserved better than this. 

“What do you want me to say, Dean?” You exclaimed. “I have been doing the best I can to raise a little girl, and in our world, that isn’t easy.” Sam stiffened. 

“You’re still hunting?” 

“Don’t start with that, Sam.” You didn’t like his accusing tone. “I tried settling down, okay? For the first year, we lived nice and quiet in New Mexico. Then those vampires came for me and I had to run. So I started hunting again.” It was all you knew. “On big cases I bring her here to stay with Naomi.” 

“I can’t believe you.” Sam laughed bitterly, turning away. Dean crossed his arms over his chest. 

“If you’ve got this all figured out, why come to us now? Why tell us now?” 

“The vampires and I have a history. I thought if I could just keep ahead of them, they would give up.” You explained, Sam refusing to look at you. “But they got too close this time. Kayla almost got hurt and I realized that I had to take the bastards out once and for all.” The brothers didn’t say anything. Dean had his angry stare locked on you while Sam watched the sky.  “I can’t do it alone, Sam. I have to do this. For both of them.” He finally turned back to you. 

“They’re the vampires that killed Makayla… aren’t they?” 

You named your daughter after your best friend. You grew up with Makayla, went to high school together, even roomed together in college. You were practically sisters. One night you came back to your apartment and there they were. Three vampires leaning over her body with her blood dripping from their mouths. It was why you started hunting in the first place. 

You nodded and Sam took a deep breath. He didn’t have a choice now. He had more to lose. 

“Can I…” He started, his voice trailing off as he glanced at the house. “Can I talk to her?” You mustered a small smile. 

“She’d love that.”  You watched as he nervously fixed his jacket and walked inside. 

“Of all of the things you’ve done, this is by far the most messed up.” Dean growled, staring you down. You kept your eyes on Sam, another tear falling.

“I know.” 

Sam slowly opened the door and found the little girl sitting on the floor, the TV going as she drew pictures in a little notebook. Sam sat down across from her, grabbing the remote and turning the volume down. He looked at some of the pictures she had finished. They were mostly stick figures, of course, but all of them were of her and her mother except the one she was working on now. Beside her were two taller figures with big smiles drawn with purple crayon. 

“Hi Makayla.” He greeted softly. It was like he didn’t know how to interact with a child anymore. How could a person whose height barely reached his knee make him so nervous? She looked up from her drawing, her eyes bright and curious. 

“Hi Sam. Are you my dad?” She said it so frankly that it took him off guard. You appeared in the doorway. 

“Makayla.” You scolded. Sam held up a hand to stop you. 

“No, it’s fine.” He took a deep breath and gave Makayla a smile. “Yeah, sweetheart, I’m your…” He looked over at you and you just gave him a reassuring nod. “I’m your dad.” If he hadn’t been paying attention, this four year old would have tackled him to the floor. 

Makayla threw her arms around his neck and Sam had to hold her up so she wouldn’t fall. His arms wrapped around her gently, like he was afraid he’d crush her. The two just sat there for longer than you thought Makayla was capable. She was always running and jumping and fidgeting. But in her dad’s arms, she didn’t squirm. Your heart swelled at the sight. Sam had his eyes closed to try and keep from crying, but a tear still slipped down his cheek. 

“You must be Sam.” Naomi appeared in the doorway, cleaning off a machete. For a moment, you almost forgot who you all were. 

“He’s my dad!” Makayla squealed happily. Sam stood, using one arm to keep her up and holding out his other hand to shake Naomi’s. 

“Sam Winchester.” She shook his hand with a smirk. 

“Oh honey, I know all about you.” Sam’s eyes darted over to you and you could have sworn that he gave you a smug smile. 

“We should probably be going.” You thanked Naomi and grabbed Makayla’s things. She clung to Sam all the way out to the car. You saw something flash in Dean’s eyes, but you weren’t sure what. You threw Kayla’s things in the back. “Wait, I almost forgot.” You ran back to Naomi’s car and grabbed the car seat. Dean cast you an annoyed look. 

“Dean, she’s four.” Sam exclaimed. 

“Okay, okay.” The older Winchester huffed. You could tell he was just being ornery for the sake of it. Sam pried Makayla off of him and buckled her in. You slid in the seat next to her. 

“Alright, I’ve already scouted a motel in Lebanon that isn’t far from you guys.” You started. Sam turned around. 

“What are you talking about? You’re staying with us.” The look on his face didn’t exactly make you want to argue. 

“You don’t have to do that-”

“As much as I dislike you, I’ve got to agree with Sam.” Dean glanced at you in the mirror. “The safest place for that little girl is the bunker.” You knew they were right. You weren’t super excited to explain the situation to their not-dead mother, but as long as Kayla was safe, it didn’t matter. 

“Uncle Dean?” Makayla chimed. Dean’s eyes widened, the title giving him a weird feeling. 

“Uhh, yeah?” 

“Can you play Flatwheat Macaroni?” Both Winchesters looked extremely confused. You sighed. 

“She means Fleetwood Mac.” You could see Dean slightly smile. 

“I like her.”

-

After a very eventful day, Makayla was asleep by the time you got to the bunker. Sam carried her inside and you grabbed your bags. Inside, you could hear Mary talking to someone. You knew that monotone voice anywhere. 

“Cas?” You dropped the bags on the floor and rushed into the library. There stood your favorite trench-coat wearing angel. Mary crossed her arms, still giving you a suspicious glare. You ran to Cas and crashed into him with a hug. 

“Dean said I’m not supposed to like you anymore.” He hesitated to hug you back, but slowly, his arms wrapped around you. Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, announcing that he was going to take a shower. 

“I missed you Castiel.” You beamed. Sam tapped you on the shoulder. 

“I’m going to take her to your room.” He whispered. Mary’s expression softened as she looked at the little girl in her son’s arms. 

“Sam, who is this?” 

“I, um, I’ll explain when I come back.” He said, grabbing your bags with his free hand and finding your room. Cas looked curiously at you and Mary sat down, pointing to the chair across from her. 

“Sit.” She ordered. You obeyed. Honestly, she was more terrifying than the vamps. Mary placed her hands on the table. “Look, I don’t know who you are or what you are doing here, but I know that something happened between you and my boys.” 

“Mary, uh, Mrs. Winchester- ma’am,” You stuttered. “I can explain-”

“I just need to know one thing.” Again, her expression changed to a gentler curiosity. “Do I have a granddaughter?” Cas’ eyes went wide and he stared down at you. 

“Yes.” Sam answered, coming back into the room. “Makayla is my daughter.” 

“How long have you known?” Mary asked. How much had she missed?

“About three hours.” 

“Sam and I were together about five years ago. I…” You closed your eyes, not sure if you could face her for this part, “I left and I found out I was pregnant. I’ve spent the last four years trying to raise her alone.” 

“What do you mean you left?” Mama Bear was starting to resurface and Sam put a hand on her shoulder to settle her down. 

“It’s okay, mom.” But you could tell he was lying. “It was a long time ago.” 

“I need a minute to just… absorb all of this.” Mary sighed and retreated to her room. Cas stood awkwardly beside you, the silence growing more and more uncomfortable by the second. Sam looked at the angel and then pointedly looked at the door. It took a second for Cas to catch on. 

“Oh… I should go and do some… angel things.” You couldn’t help but laugh at his complete inability to be subtle. Damn, you’d missed him. Your amusement instantly dissolved when you looked back at Sam. He didn’t look angry, which was somehow so much worse. 

“I’m sorry it had to be like this.” You would give anything to keep from hurting him. 

“It never had to be like this, Y/N.” He sighed, sitting across the table from you. “I went five years never knowing why you left. And now you turn up and reveal that I have a daughter? Just… tell me why.” You were actually taken aback. Dean never told him. 

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Sam.” 

“Like hell it doesn’t!” He exclaimed. “Y/N, you just vanished. No note. No phone call. Nothing. You were just gone.” 

“I left because I loved you.” You watched his face just contort with more pain and confusion. He pushed away from the table. 

“You know what? I can’t do this right now.” He ran a hand down his face with an exasperated sigh. “I’m going to check in on Kayla and then I’m going to bed.” He was absolutely exhausted, but he knew he would just lay in bed and stare at the wall for a few hours before trying to lose himself in some lore. He left without another word.

Five Years Ago

Sam was in a better mood today. A much better mood. He laced his fingers with his while his other hand rested against your bare thigh. Dean had spent the morning driving around town. He figured the two of you could use some alone time. You were grateful. You wanted Sam to hold you, to kiss you and touch you just one last time. 

You couldn’t stay. You knew eventually, he would see it too. He would figure out that you weren’t what he wanted and you would just end up alone and heartbroken. At least now, it was on your terms. 

“Dean will probably be back soon.” Sam sighed, kissing your cheek. “Him and I are checking up on some intel on a possible case. You want to come?” You stretched, lounging comfortably in his warm embrace. 

“I think I’m going to take the day off.” You would spend it packing, not that you had much to take. You kissed him fervently, wanting to savor the feeling for as long as you could. Sam climbed out of bed and gathered up his clothes. Once he was dressed, he started towards the door. “Hey Sam.” 

“Yeah?” 

“I love you.” You smiled, trying to hide the sadness in your eyes. Sam just beamed. 

“I love you too. I’ll see you soon.” With a giant grin on his face, he left. You were gone before he got back.

-

Continue to Part Three

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto;

Supernatural: @desimarie12; @deandreamernp; @vicmc624​; @halesandy​ @livshaes​;  @d-whinchestergirl87​

Sam Winchester: @theamuz​ 

Makayla Series: @rhiannon-the-troublemaker​; @hoboal87​

[layce2015]

The Last of Us Part 2 (Joel Miller x Reader)

What If I Followed The Game's Story (Joel's Death) pt. 2

(A/N: Here's the conclusion of what if I followed the game's story and Joel dies. Also Lev still doesn't exist in this story so when Abby almost killed Dina, Ellie tells her that Dina is pregnant and Abby pauses and thinks it over then tosses Dina to the side and tells Ellie that she doesn't want to see her again)

What if Joel Died pt1

It had been weeks since Ellie and Dina left to Seattle, to settle the score on those WLF bastards. Even though a part of me hated myself for not going with Ellie, I was still glad that I stayed with Aiden and Ethan. Hell, I found out a day after Dina and Ellie left, Jesse went after them.

The boys were very devastated about losing Joel and it was so hard to explain to them that they were never gonna see their dad again. I don't know how many times throughout the nights of these last few weeks, I have heard both of them call out for Joel in their sleep only to wake up and realize he's not there.

All I can do is just hold them and try to calm them down as best as I could. 

They were also worried about Ellie and Tommy, wondering if they were gonna come back. I told them that they will it just might be awhile. 

Well, that day finally came.

I took the boys to Joel's grave and I just let them talk to his grave, almost like he was still here. Then they would set some drawings, they drew of him, on his grave and I would begin to cry then start to fiddle with Joel's wedding band that I had on a chain around my neck. They talked to the grave when I heard what sounded like shouting.

Suspicious and curiosity got my attention and I grabbed the boys hands and told them we might need to go. We walked out of the cemetery when Maria comes up to me, looking winded. "(Y/N)..." She said. "What's wrong?" I asked her. "They're back. Tommy, Dina and Ellie. They're back." She said and my eyes widen at this then all of us start to run towards the front gate.

We make it over there and I see Dina, Ellie and Tommy, all of them looked like shit. Dina looked bruised and scratched up in the face but otherwise she looked alright. Ellie had her right arm in a sling, which told me it was broken. And Tommy was worse as he had a patch over his eye and a bandage around his right leg.

Maria runs over to Tommy while Aiden and Ethan run to Ellie and hug her. "Hey..." she said, weakly, to them as she kneels down and hugs them back with her good arm. I go over to her and she looks up at me and stands.

I give her a worried look as she looks disappointed. "I-I tried, (y/n). I really tried but....she...she...got away." Ellie stampers but I go to her and embrace her. "The most important thing is you're alive." I tell her and she starts to sniffle and cry in my shoulder. "It's okay, babygirl." I whispered to her, softly, as I hug her then the boys come up to us.

"Where's Jesse?" I asked Ellie as I look around. She looks up at me with this sad look then looks down. "No..." I said, sadly, then we get down on our knees and get into a group hug, and I hold on to what's left of my family.

2 Years Later

Ethan was sitting on the couch, strumming the guitar, while I was sitting on the couch next to Ethan, helping him to practice his guitar. "Darn it." Ethan grumbles, after messing up a note. "Hey, you'll get it, honey." I assured him. 

He sighs and starts to replay the notes again and got it right. "See? There you go!" I said to him and he smirks a bit. "I just hope I get as good as Ellie....and dad." Ethan said and I give him an encouraging smile. "Oh you will. You just gotta practice and build up your callous." I said and Ethan nods. "That's what Ellie said." He said as he looks down at his little fingers.

Then I look over at Aiden to see him drawing in his notebook. "Whatcha doing, honey?" I asked him. "Drawing." He replied then he picks holds up his notebook and walks over to me. "Oh, what did you draw?" I asked and Aiden hands it to me and my jaw drops a bit.

It was a drawing of a house and six people standing in front of it, all of them smiling. Two little boys, a young girl, an older girl and a man and a woman. "I drew our family. See? That's me and Ethan..." Aiden said as he points at the two boys. "And that's Ellie..." he points at the older looking girl. "And that's Sarah..." he points at the younger girl. "And that's you and daddy." He said as he points at the man and the woman.

Tears form in my eyes and I place my hand over my mouth. "Oh, Aiden...this is wonderful." I said, tearfully, and Aiden smiles a bit then hugs me. "I miss Daddy." Ethan mutters and I look over at him and hold my hand out to him. He sets his guitar down then comes over to me and the three of us hug.

"Me too." Aiden said and tears run down my face. "Don't worry, my darlings'. I miss him too." I said to them as we break the hug. "Why did he die?" Ethan asked me. "I'm not sure, sweetheart." I said, sighing a bit. "Ellie said that it had something to do with some job you and daddy did a few years back." Aiden said and I look over at them then darted my eyes away from them then I sighed. "What you boys need to understand is..."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and I look towards the door. I walk over to the door, open it and see that it was Tommy. "Hey, Tommy." I greeted. "Hey...can I come in?" He asked me and I nod then opened the door wider for him.

He walks in and Aiden and Ethan walks out into the hallway. "Uncle Tommy!" The boys shouted and they run to him and hug him. "Hey boys. How are you doin'?" Tommy asked them. "Good." They said. 

"So, what's up, Tommy?" I asked as he breaks the embrace and turns to me. "I need to talk to you, privately." He said and I nod. "Uh, boys...go upstairs to your rooms." I said. "Okay, mommy." The boys said and Ethan grabs his guitar and Aiden picks up his notebook and they head upstairs.

Tommy and I exchange a look before I lead him to the kitchen area and we sit down in the chairs. "You doing alright?" I asked him. "Yeah, yeah, I'm...fine." he said. "And Maria? She doing good?" I asked. "Yeah, she's fine. We're..." he stops and scratches at his chest, uncomfortably. "We're actually taking some time apart." He said and my eyes widen at this.

"Tommy, I'm...I'm so sorry." I said, apologetically, but he just waves, vaguely, at me. "Nah, we talked about it a lot, so, uh, it's what we both want." Tommy said and I give him a sympathetic look. "You want me to go talk to her?" I asked. "No, no, no...it's fine. But that's not why I'm here. I got something to show you."  He said and he starts to pull out a map.

"So I've been putting out feelers for months now. And this new guy heard my story. He told me about a woman that he traded with while he was moving through California. Described her as built like an ox." said Tommy and my eyes widen at this then he points along the map. "He said she's living along the coast in a beach sailboat....right here." He said as he points at a part on California. I lean in and see he was pointing at Santa Barbara.

"That's gotta be her." He said then he and I share a look and I start to feel this anger, that I had buried for the last two years, start to rise within me. I let out a heavy sigh before I speak up.

"You haven't told Ellie yet, have you?" I asked him. "No. Once I found out about this, I came straight to you." said Tommy and I nod. "Good." I muttered then I take some deep breathes and let them out. 

"I'll go." I said and Tomny gave me a concerned look. "By yourself?" He asked and I nod. "What about Ellie?" He asked me. "She's been through enough. She's out there living the rest life with Dina and J.J." I said.

"What about Ethan and Aiden?" Tommy asked me. "I can handle it. You and Ellie have said that Abby has been wanting me to come out and face her. Well...I'm done with hiding from her. And I'll make her regret that she wanted to see me." I said, firmly, and Tommy nods. "Okay, if you say so." He said then he stands up.

"You want me to watch over the boys?" Tommy asked me and I nod. "Okay. And Ellie?" He asked and I sighed. "You can tell her if you want or make something up, I don't care. Just make sure to tell her that this is what I wanted." I tell him. "Okay. I'll let you get ready." He said and I nod. 

I head up the stairs and head into my bedroom and start to pack up clothes and weapons for the trip when I look over at the dresser and see the familiar broken watch. I go to grab it and look at it, sadly. I run my thumb over the broken face of the watch when a voice asked. "Are you leaving?"

I turn around and see that it was Ethan at the door. "Yes, baby. Uh, Uncle Tommy has a job for me to do." I said. "When will you been back?" He asked. "I'm not sure. This job could take awhile. Maybe weeks." I said and he gives me a sad look. "I don't want you to die, Mommy." He starts to cry then I kneel down and place a hand on his shoulder. "I won't. I promise you that, okay?" I said and he nods at me.

After packing up some stuff and saying goodbye to my sons, I grab a horse and started to head out and make my way to Santa Barbara.

2 Months Later

I had found the sailboat that Abby was residing in, but she wasn't in it. I look through her things and found a list of addresses and notes. "Where did you go to?" I muttered as I look over the crossed out addresses until I noticed one that wasn't crossed off.

2425 Constance

Then I look through the map of California to cross reference it with the address and found it. "Gotcha." I muttered and I put the map back into my bag and made my way out of the boat and into the beautiful beach. 

I jumped down onto the sand and rolled up the sleeves of the green flannel shirt I was wearing, that was obviously too big for me but I didn't care. It still smelled liked him ​and, strangely, it felt like he was still with me. I look around, trying to figure out how Abby got to the road, until I saw some broken down stairs and made my way there.

I made my way through this neighborhood and squeezed through a gap of a couple of vehicles when I heard a snap and I was yanked up into the air. I screamed and my bag flew off of my back as the rope, which had grabbed my ankle, pulled me up and let me hang in the air.

"Shit." I growled as I started to swing and then I hit a tree, and felt this sharp pain in my side. I screamed in pain and put my hand to my side and felt something warm. I pull my hand back and saw that it was blood. "Fuckin' shit. So fuckin' stupid." I growled in pain and I tried to find any way to get out but nothing.

The blood on my wound started to pour out and I felt myself losing consciousness until I finally closed my eyes.

Eventually, I opened my eyes and see two figures coming towards me, one of them looked very large. "Abby." I whispered. "Abby." I said alittle louder when I didn't get a response. "Is that you?" I asked but then I realized it was two men walking towards me. 

"See? We got a live one." The larger man said to the smaller man and both of them look up at me. "This bitch is fucked up." The smaller man said as they walk closer to me.

The larger man cuts the rope and I fall down to the ground and land on my injured side. I groan and yelp in pain as the smaller man said. "We'll be lucky if she lasts a month." And he unties the rope from around my ankle then turns to his friend. "Can we please just say we're done for the day?" He asked as he backs up and stretches.

"Yeah, yeah. Get that thing down and we'll reset the traps." The larger man said as he walks up to me and kicks me over so I'd be laying on my front instead of my back. "Really, man? I mean, is she worth the trip back? It's not like--" the smaller man started to say but then a loud clicking noise sounded out. The man jumped and screamed as he turned around and saw a Clicker was caught in one of their traps as well.

"Did it get you?" The larger man asked him as the second guy checks his arm, frantically. "No, no...I'm good. I'm good." He said, relieved, and I started laughing.

"Something funny?" The smaller man asked me. "Looks like you shit your pants." I said to him. "The fuck you say?" The man asked me and I start to laugh again. "What a little bitch." I spat. "Oh, you like funny, huh?" The man asked me and he grabs my arm and starts to pull me up to my feet.

"Come on, we don't need this." The larger man said but his friend shook his head. "No way, man. She's fucked up, anyway, come on." The second guy said and he was able to yank me up to my feet. "Please, don't..." I pleaded but he started to drag me closer to the Clicker. "Yeah, it's funny, huh?" He asked me, sarcastically, and he tries to grab my arm but I stomp on his foot then I elbow him in the stomach.

He groans in pain then I grab him and fling him towards the Clicker then it grabs him and bites him. "Holy shit!" The larger man said and he starts to pull out his gun but I take the gun away from his dead friend and shot the larger man in the kneecaps.

The man falls back and I started to walk towards him, gun aiming for him. "Whoa, whoa, you said Abby, right?" He asked, panicked, and I stopped but still had the gun aimed at him. "You're looking for an Abby, right? We picked one up a couple months ago." He said, quickly. "Yeah, sure." I growled and started to place my finger in the trigger.

"No, no, no. Big girl. Blonde? Arms like mine." He said as he points out his muscular arms. My eyes widen a bit and he nods. "Yeah, yeah that's her. You let me go, I'll tell you where she is." He said in between his groans of pain and I glare at him.

"Talk." I commanded, coldly. 

"She's in a holding cell in our camp." He replied. "Where's that?" I asked. "Head that way til you hit the railroad track. That'll lead you to a resort." He replied as he points behind me. "We keep 'em in a tall, round building." He said and I turn behind me to look towards the direction he pointed then back at him.

"I swear." He said, desperately, and I glared at him then I looked towards the Clicker that was still alive, hanging by its ankle, the other guy had fallen over dead. I go and grab my stuff, walk over to the rope and untie it, letting the Clicker fall. Then I aimed the gun towards the larger guy's direction and started firing, catching the Clicker's attention. 

"What are you doing? What are you--?" The guy asked me, panicked, and I start to walk away while I hear the Clicker go towards the man and hear his screams of pain as the Clicker kills him.

After cleaning and sewing up my wound, I make it to the railroad track and climb up in top of one of the train cars and found the tall round building that asshole talked about. And it seemed that these group of people were herding other people inside their compound, all of them were chained together.

"Oh God." I muttered and I start to, quietly, make my way inside. After getting in, I see that they had some infected tied up, like a dog. Smart. I thought but then I go towards the latch. But also very dumb. I thought as I go and unlatch the infected and they start to run off into the camp.

Then I hear the people start freaking out as the infected attack, gunshots soon followed. And I did my best to make my way around these people and down to the building.

After making it inside, I barricade the door and make my way to the basement. I walk towards the cells when someone pops out and attacks me. We struggled for a bit and rolled towards a cell that was full of people. The woman was on top of me and I kick her towards the cell and a couple of people grabbed her and started to choke her out, killing her.

"I got the keys!" One guy exclaimed and he goes to open the cell door. The prisoners get out and go towards a locker, which held their weapons. I scan the crowd but couldn't find the woman that looked like the one in the picture Ellie showed me, that she got during her time in Seattle.

The prisoners started to run but I raised a hand to them. "Where's Abby?" I asked them. "She tried to escape. She's down in the pilars." One guy replied to me. "The pilars?" I said, confused. "Head down to the beach. You won't miss it. She's probably already dead." The man said and I nod and stepped aside for them. "Thank you." The guy said and he and the others run off while I head down the hall and towards the door.

As the gunshots of the war plays off into the distance, I make my way down to the beach and see what the guy was talking about. "Holy..." I mutterd in shock. These sick bastards had several people hanging from a pole by their wrists. Almost in a crucifixion manner.

I walk around the pilars and tried to find her. "Abby!" I called out then I heard a weak voice behind me. I turned around and see a woman, with short blonde hair, tied up to a pole. I walk closer to her as she said, weakly. "Please help me."

I take a good look at her face and realize that this was Abby, which she looked totally different in the picture. Seemed like she lost most of her muscles and she looked tired, probably dehydrated. I couldn't help but feel alittle bit of pity for her.

I sighed then pull out a shiv and cut her down from the pole. She groans in pain but gets up and looks over at me. "Thank you." She said, weakly, then she points towards the side. "There are boats this way." She said and she leads me towards the ocean where there were two old boats.

At this point, I wasn't for sure what to do. Do I go ahead and kill her or let her go? I mean, she's obviously been through hell from staying here and she looked weak. Plus I'm not in the best shape with this wound on my side. Is this right? Am I doing the right thing?

As we get to the boats, she goes to one and I go to the other and set my bag in it. I hissed in pain and placed my hand on my side and pull my hand back and see that it was covered in blood. As I stared at the blood, Joel's bashed up face flashed in my mind's eye and I clenched my fist in anger while I closed my eyes, tightly, at this.

I have to finish this.

I open my eyes and turn to her as she starts to untie her boat off of the post. "I can't let you leave." I said and she stops then turns to me. "What? I-I'm confused...why would you save me, if...." she started to say confused but I talk over her.

"A couple of years ago, you and your asshole friends came to a place called Jackson and you lured a couple of men. And you killed one of them." I said and she keeps giving me that confused look.

"How did you know...?"

"I'm (y/n) Miller." I growled and her eyes widen. "Yeah, you wanted me. Well, you got me." I spat. "Look I don't wanna fight you." She said but I shake my head at her. "Oh because you don't have a shotgun to blow my knees off and a golf club to bash my head in?!" I asked, angrily, then scoffed. "Sorry, I'm here whether you like it or not. You shouldn't have killed my husband!" I yelled at her.

"You and him took my father away from me!" Abby shouts and now it was my turn to be shocked. "What?" I said, confused. Ellie told me that they were former Fireflies but she said they were after us cause we took Ellie away. "Yeah, my father was the doctor at St Mary's." She said.

"So that's what this was about? It wasn't because we took the possible cure for mankind away?" I asked. "Partially. But mostly because you and your fuckin' husband took my dad away." She growls.

"And you took my sons' father away from them!" I spat at her and she looks shocked by this. "Yeah, should've thought of that. You should've stayed the fuck outta Jackson!" I yelled. "I couldn't bear the idea of you and him alive and not suffer the consequences..." Abby said. "Funny...that's how I feel about you..." I growled and she glares at me. She growls then let's out a roar before she runs at me and knocks me down into the water.

The two of us struggle a bit until I grabbed my shiv and sliced at her. She backs off of me then I get up and stabbed her in the arm. She cries out then I pull the shiv out and sliced at her stomach and she falls back.

I go at her but she gets up and pushes me back then she goes to punch me but I dodge her punch and sliced towards her. She grabs my arm and tries to fight it out of my hand but I spin her around and have the blade aim towards her throat, her back to my chest, and I try to stab her but she holds my arm back then elbows me in the stomach.

I yell in pain and let her go as I stumble back. She charges towards me but I hold my ground and we struggled a bit more before I slam her down into the ground. I hover over her and bring down the shiv towards her chest but she holds up my hand, preventing me to stab her.

I put all of my strength into my hands and was able to bring the shiv closer to her chest until it inserted into her skin. She cries out in pain then shoves the blade out of her chest, out of my hand and punches me across the face.

I fall over to the side then get up and the two of us began to throw punches at each other for a few moments until I got a good hit across her face. She falls in the water and, before she could get up, I kick her across the face. She falls back into the water and I get on top of her and begin to hold her down into the water.

She struggles and starts to fight but I punch her a few times in the face and wrap my hands around her neck, holdong her down. She begins flailing her legs but I place my knee on her hips, preventing her from flailing so much. She grabs at my arms but I continue to hold her down, tears started pouring down my face.

As I hold her down, flashes of the memories I had with Joel flashes in my mind. 

The moment we met

Our first date

Our first kiss

The first time we said I love you to each other

The day he proposed 

Our wedding day

The day we lost Sarah

The day we met Ellie and then got her out of that hospital 

The day I told him that I was pregnant with Aiden and Ethan

And the one of the last things that came up was my last moments with him.

"I'll be back in a few hours." He said. "You better." I said and Joel chuckles before he comes up to me, leans down and kisses me. "Please be careful." I whispered to him. "Always." He mutters then gives me a quick kiss on the lips again before he walks over to his brother. "Hey." I said and he turns to me. "I love you." I said and he smiles. "Love you, too." He said and I smiled as he goes over to Tommy.

Then the last thing that came into my mind was of him laying down next to me on our bed, smiling at me.

I let out a loud, angry cry and I squeezed Abby's throat tighter until she finally stopped moving and I could see, through the water, her eyes rolling back. I stand over her for a few more moments, making sure she was dead, and I finally let go of her neck then I began to cry and sob at this.

I fall on my side into the water and just let every emotions I had build up for the last two years out. Every sadness and every anger I had built up burst out of me as I curl up in a ball and hold myself.

Even though I'm relieved she's dead, why do I feel so...empty? So numb? Like this was all meant for nothing?

Few Weeks Later

"Holy shit! That's (y/n)! Get the gates open!" A voice shouted as I make it to the front gates of Jackson. The large doors open and I slowly walk through them and I give a wave towards the people that opened the doors. I hear then shout some sort've command but I ignore them and start to make my way to my house.

I walk towards the front door, open it, enter through the door and shut it just as I hear footsteps and two little heads peek around the doorway of the living room. "MOMMY!" Aiden and Ethan shouted, happily, and they run to me. I kneel down and opened my arms and they run into my embrace and I hug them, tightly.

"Hey, my darlings." I whispered then I heard another set of footsteps. I look up and see that it was Ellie. "(Y/n)..." she said, shocked, and I smile a bit at her. "Hey, babygirl." I said as I pull out of the boys embrace then stand up.

Ellie runs to me and hugs me and I wrap my arms around her. "I-I was so scared." She whispered and she pulls back to look at me. "What are you doing here?" I asked. "Tommy told me what you were doing and that you wanted me to stay behind. So I thought I could help him watch the boys while you were gone." She said and I give her a concerned look.

"What about Dina and J.J.?" I asked her. "Dina was fine with this. She understood. Tommy is supposed to be back here in a few and then I was supposed to head back home. But since you're back..." she said and my lips twitched into a smirk.

"Sooo...did you..." she started to asked and I sigh. "I did." I replied. "And?" Ellie asked. "We don't have to worry about her anymore." I said in a cold voice and her eyes widen at this. "Oh." She said, realizing what I meant, and I nod.

"Still you should've had me come with you." She said, folding her arms across her chest. "I didn't want Tommy to disrupt your life. You deserve all the happiness you get, Ellie." I tell her. "But he could disrupt your life?" Ellie asked, angrily. "My life was already disrupted the moment I saw Joel's body at that cabin." I replied and she gives me a sad look.

I look down at the boys, who looked a bit sad, but I lean down and kiss their heads before I walk towards the dining area and sit down in a chair. I groan slightly at this and hold my side, Ellie took notice of this. "You okay?" She asked me. "Yeah, fine. Just still sore." I replied.

"Well, I'm glad you're not dead." Ellie said, giving a small smirk, and I chuckle. "Yeah, me too." I said. "H-H-How did it feel? When you...?" She asked and I look down as I try to think of my next words. 

But then a knock at the door startled my thoughts and Ellie and I exchange looks. "I'll get it." She said and she gets up and heads to the front door. I hear voices then footsteps and Ellie and Tommy come in. "Oh thank God!" Tommy said, relieved, and I smiled at him. "Hey, Tommy." I greeted, softly, then he comes up, kneels down and hugs me and I hug him back.

"How did it go?" Tommy asked me as he takes a seat and Ellie takes the seat next to him, Aiden and Ethan sitting across from them. "I found her." I said, breathless, and Tommy looks at me. "And?" He asked me, the same manner that Ellie asked, and I sigh. "She's gone." I said then I look over to Ellie. "And to answer your question, Ellie...to be honest, I really don't know what to feel." I said and the two give me a confused look.

"When I killed Abby, it was like something took control over me and when the moment happened, I blacked out. But I would see flashes of Joel when it happened, like all of our time we spent together. And when I saw the life fade from her eyes, I felt...relieved and sad. I was glad that she won’t harm anymore people, that I love, ever again..." I stop and bite my lips and my hand starts to shake a bit.

"But I felt like I already lost. Losing Joel was the worst moment that has ever happened in my life...and now he won’t get the chance to see you and the boys grow up." I stopped then I place my hand on Joel's wedding ring, which was still around my neck, and fiddle with it as I start to choke up again.

I place my left hand over my face and begin to cry. I hear footsteps and felt arms around me and I set my hand down to see that Ellie and my sons had come over and hugged me while I felt Tommy's hand over mine. "I'm sorry." Tommy said as I continue to cry.

So I've become the bringer of death

A lover of life

The one who guards from the dark of the night

I'll be the hammer of war

Justice and mercy don't live side by side

So in retribution, I abide

I'll tip the scales to justice's end, but can it make amends?

[awstenknyght]

Could you write the thing you and Raven were talking about with Mouse and Josie in the hospital?

FUCKING BET ANON-

Warnings: Overdose, hospital, light swearing, I think that’s all

Song used: Promise Me by Badflower

Tags: @thatsmycigarbutyoucanborrowit @lxwkey-as-hell @trans-witch-cauldron @buttons-and-gulons 

King belongs to @brooklyn-is-here and Mouse belongs to @piper-koko-barnes-rogers

Hands still shaking, Josie collapsed in the waiting room’s hard plastic chairs. Her vision was blurred. Nothing seemed real.

Carefully, she pulled out her tattered old notebook and began scribbling lyrics.

We’re getting old now

But i don’t feel it

Josie felt tears streaming down her face. How had she missed this?

“Mousey!” Josie cried, jumping onto Mouse’s bed. “Are you going to sleep anytime soon?”

Mouse glanced up from her work. Her eyes looked tired and ready to shut, but she shook herself awake. “I will. Soon. you go ahead and sleep, i’ll stay up a bit longer”

Josie had shaken it off at the time. It was just Mouse overworking herself a bit, right?

I say you’re beautiful

And i still mean it

“You know you can take a break, right?” Josie asked one day. Mouse didn’t look up from her computer. “Me and King both want you to take care of yourself.”

Mouse shook her head. “I’m fine. I can handle it.”

Josie looked at her skeptically, but she dropped it. She hadn’t seen Mouse rest in ages, but surely she was fine. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

And I don't wanna know 

What old age feels like

So promise me you won't 

Give up on this life

“Family of Illaria Santos-Larkin?” A nurse asked, walking to where Josie was sitting. Sarah, who she hadn’t noticed before, nodded. The nurse smiled. “Follow me.”

Josie stood and followed, hands still shaking. She let out a gasp as she saw Mouse.

She was tangled on wires and attached to different machines. But the worst part wasn’t all of that; it was the girl in the middle of it all. The bright, cheery Mouse was gone. All that was left was a shell of a girl. She looked weak and tired, like at any moment she’d just break.

“Ria?” Josie cried out softly. The girl didn’t respond. Josie wondered if she ever would again.

And we’ll be busy trying

While the rest of them are dying

Josie rested her elbow on Mouse’s shoulder and smirked. “Short-ass.”

Mouse rolled her eyes and took another sip of coffee. “Tall bastard”

They had decided to take the day off together. They got coffee from a nearby cafe and were on their way to the park.  Josie skipped ahead of Mouse a bit before stopping to let her catch up.

But when she turned to find the other girl, all she saw was a small crowd gathering. She ran back and gave a small scream when she saw it. Mouse was passed out on the ground, unmoving.

People were already calling for help, and soon enough she was being whisked off in an ambulance. Josie was left alone.

~

“I’m gonna go make some calls, you can stay with her,” Sarah said gently, before leaving Josie and Mouse in peace.

Josie sat on the edge of the hospital bed. She let out a small sob and began to sing.

“Promise me we'll never grow up

I don't wanna let go

I wanna stay young

And even when the wrinkles show up

We'll be laughing, and

We can play forever

Don't make me face the truth”

Mouse was still silent. Josie layed silently next to her, trying to focus on lyrics. If she didn’t, she’d have to face what was happening. And she couldn’t do that.

I think it’s obvious

That we’ll stay happy

“Hey, have you heard this?” Josie asked, trying to keep her voice nonchalant as she handed her friend a pair of earbuds. 

Mouse listened to the song and shook her head. “I don’t think so. It’s really good.”

Josie muttered something under her breath. “What was that?”

“Look at the artist.”

Mouse looked at the phone and did a double take. “Jo, that was you? That’s amazing!”

“You think so?”

“Absolutely!” she said, coming over and wrapping Josie in a hug. “You know, I play guitar.”

Josie hugged her back. “You mean-”

“Only if you want to of course!” Mouse replied. “But you’re amazing.”

“Of course I want that!” Josie cried. “What about King’s band?”

Mouse shrugged and smiled. “I can do both.”

And I’m the happiest

When you smile at me

Josie didn’t leave the hospital at all the next week. King, Sarah, Kath, and Jack came in and out, but Josie couldn’t move. She focused all her energy into the song.

And we won't end the same

A broken family

I'll never walk away

Without you with me

“Jo? I think it’s time you went home.” Jack said one day. It had been nearly a month since the incident. The doctors weren’t sure if Mouse would wake up.

“No, I gotta stay.” 

“J, I’m serious. She’ll still be here if you leave.” Jack put a hand on his sister’s shoulder. “C’mon.”

Josie let him lead her away. She continued to scribble away in her notebook.

And times are getting harder

But i’m nothing like my father

“Mouse! Wake up!”

Mouse sat up with a start. “Jo?”

“I’m right here Ria. You okay?”

Mouse nodded her head. “Yeah, yeah i’m fine. Just- a bad dream.”

Josie didn’t look so certain. “It looked like more than just a bad dream.”

“I’m fine.” Mouse said. She stood up and made a cup of coffee. “Just a bad dream.”

Josie still looked skeptical, but she went back to sleep anyway. Mouse could handle herself.

Right?

~

Josie took a trembling breath as she stepped up to the microphone. It was her first performance without Mouse by her side. 

“Hey everyone-” she said in a shaky voice. She was met with applause and cheers. When they died down, she continued. “As you know, we’re missing someone tonight. Mouse is still in a coma.”

She began strumming a few chords of the song. “I started writing this song when she first passed out. I was hoping we could perform it together when she woke up. But now i just hope she’ll be able to hear it.”

With those words, Josie began to sing. The audience was silent throughout. By the time she got to the second chorus, she was nearly sobbing.

“Promise me we’ll never grow up

I don’t wanna fall out

I wanna make love

And even when we can’t so what?

We’re together and happy ever 

Don’t make me face the truth”

Josie chokes out the next words through sobs before breaking down. “That I’m dying soon. That we’re dying”

Katherine ushers her off stage. Once she calmed down a bit, she went back on to finish the concert. It wasn’t the same without Mouse there.

Don’t say goodbye

We’re so much older

All i want is one more life with you

“Hey Mousey?”

Mouse gave a small hum. It was the middle of the night, and they were on their first tour together.

“Promise we’ll be okay? Nothing bad will happen?”

“Of course Jo. What could go wrong?”

Josie smiled and turned to go to sleep. They’d be okay, forever and always.

When did we get so old

When did you get so sick

And how could you die

Josie at the edge of Mouse’s bed. She was alone with her. Before she could stop herself, she started talking. “It’s been 13 months. Almost 14. They don’t think you’re gonna wake up. But you will. You’ll show them. You have to.”

Josie took the other girl’s hand and began tracing abstract shapes. 

“You promised me you’d never grow up, now i have to let go, god i miss you so much.” Josie whispered. She didn’t sing the words, only whispering them under her breath. “And even when your heart gave out i was thinking i, i won’t say goodbye.”

Josie’s voice became less steady and louder. She coudn’t tell if she was more sad or angry, and she didn’t care. “You promised me you’d never grow up but you fucking grew up, god i miss you so much!”

Josie’s sobs grew heavier and heavier as she ranted to herself. “And even when your heart gave out i was thinking i’d love you till forever and i can’t face the truth.”

Mouse’s hand twitched. She gave a small whine. 

Josie’s eyes widened in disbelief. No, she had imagined it. Mouse didn’t move again. Josie was all out of tears. “That I died with you. That you lied”

Mouse’s hand moved again. “Jo?”

Josie couldn’t deny it now. Mouse was awake. “Ria?”

You died

***

yay angst

[love-pyramus]

Set A Course For Brighter Days

Oh boy this is an angst fest. If you know anything about King n Mouse you’ll know they are basically the others life line so uh-

If you like, please reblog!! 

Few warnings, screaming, a sense of utter despaie, and Mouse begging to be allowed to leave at some point. Stay safe y’all!

Tagging people: @brooklyn-is-here @that-aint-news-no-more @buttonsdelaguerra @logic-cat @sour-picklee @thatsrichhhh @acesayshi @trans-witch-cauldron (ask to be added or removed!)

Series masterlist 

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Mouse walked, but she felt a pull as she did so. So she followed that pull, and she felt her heart drop as she realized where she was going. To Brooklyn. To King. “Oh no. Oh no. Nononono.” She mumbled, but she continued to walk, unable to stop. When she got there, to the familiar lodge, she saw Jack handing over a book. Once again, her heart dropped, recognizing it as her own notebook. “Jackie…” she whined, both upset and afraid. 

She walked closer, seeing the hands of both boys shaking as the book was passed over. King looked like he was about to cry, but holding it in. Jack wasn’t trying to keep the tears back, he was letting them fall as he turned away and started going back to Manhattan. Mouse tried to follow him, but she couldn’t. So instead, she turned to King, who had walked into the lodge, holding the book tight against his chest. He lay on his bed, and began letting out heaving sobs. 

Upon hearing those, Mouse began crying too. She climbed into the bunk with him, just like she had many times before, and tried to fit herself into his hold. But he wasn’t trying to hold her any more, his arms too tight, not allowing her to fit. She began running a hand through his hair softly, trying to console him and herself, praying that he would feel her presence. The only thing that happened was that he sobbed louder, and held the notebook closer. 

After a few days, King went to Spot, and he couldn’t phrase his words correctly, so instead, he held the notebook out to Spot. Mouse watched, and Spot took it and opened it, King sitting and listening as Spot read her entries. “I went with Jackie to Brooklyn today. Punched a tall bastard for talking bout me. Don’t think Jackie noticed.” She heard King inhale as he tried to keep himself from crying, and Spot continued on. He got to her entries from months later. “Remember the tall bastard? Well, he’s King. And he’s my tall bastard.” King couldn’t hide the sob that escaped there, and Mouse hugged him tight. She’d given him that nickname years ago, and never expected that one day it would effect him like this. 

“I have a date with Sarah tomorrow...I’m gonna take her to the pier again. And after I drop her off Ise goin to Brooklyn! Gotta see my tall bastard, it’s been a few days.” King let out a loud sob, and began almost screaming. He began calling for her, yelling for her to come back. At hearing that, at how distraught he sounded, she began sobbing. After reading the final entry, Spot flipped to the back cover, showing a few words written in a rushed and messy scrawl, one that was, at the time, written as a joke. 

“King, if youse readin this, stop going through my shit!”

The increase in sobs and screams made her sob and scream, and she hugged King tighter. “Don’t go, come back, come back.” Mouse tried to tell him she was here, she was right here, and she wasn’t going to leave, but her own sobs made it impossible. “Ise here.” She finally managed to choke out. Her form began flickering, and she started screaming, begging to stay where she was. “Please! I’m here! I’m here! King, shithead, you bastard! I’m right here!” She screamed, trying to get him to hear her, but nothing happened. Nothing would ever happen. They would never hear her. And as she faded from the Brooklyn lodge, she sobbed again. “Just let me leave. Please.”

[kingofdirtandnothing]

@polyfacetious big ass Christmas Drabble Extravagaza: Day Twenty Three

“You know, I didn’t expect retirement to be this good.” Jack can feel the sway of the dock beneath him, the slow and steady slosh of the waves where it hits the wood. The sun is just starting to peak over the horizon, painting the sky in shades of blushing pink and soft yellows. It’s paradise, plain and simple. 

Even the breeze was gentle, soft and sweet and scented with the salt of the ocean without that heavy fish smell that came with being too close to the dock. 

And the only reason he’s here is sitting beside him in a matching folding chair, a little streak of aluminum white sunscreen still visible on his nose, just below where his glasses have slid. Jack doesn’t make any effort to look down at the book in Daniel’s lap, he knows he wouldn’t get it, even on the off chance it was written in English. 

Knowing Danny, it was probably in Aramaic or something. 

For all the overflowing bookshelves in their little condo, if Jack had to guess how many of them were in English, he’d guess twenty five percent or less. There were German fairy tales and Polish fantasy novels, and even some Russian crime novels shoved on the far end of the shelf. Jack picked them up when he saw something interesting in the book store. It was a game, trying to see if there was something Danny couldn’t read. 

And on those few times he found something Daniel wasn’t fluent in, the stubborn bastard would sit there with a dual language dictionary and a notebook and puzzle his way through the whole thing. Then he’d flop down on Jack in bed and give him a smug review of whatever it was.

Jack just hoped Daniel never cottoned on to the fact that Jack liked those smug book reviews more than any he’d ever read in the paper. All that skin against his skin while he was listening to Daniel talk didn’t hurt either.

“I thought...frozen dinners and too many days in a row in front of the TV watching the game.” Any game. Hell, Jack had stooped so low a time or two that he sat there and watched things like shuffleboard and darts. Because that’s what his retirement had been the first time around, after Charlie died. The silence of an empty house, his marriage bed cold and his son’s old bedroom a mausoleum. The only sound that ever broke the silence was the sound of the tv. Jack hadn’t turned it off for two years.

He’d gone through the motions while the divorce finalized, and even got in touch with a lawyer. Jack had a decent pension from his time in the service, and a nice sized life insurance policy. He’d just been waiting to make sure that putting a gun in his mouth wasn’t going to take all those things from Sarah.

After what he took from her, the least he could do was make sure she was taken care of financially when he was gone.

More than a few nights had been spent with the same sidearm that took his kid from him sitting on the arm of his recliner. Just in case he was ready. 

Jack never could work up the nerve to be ready.

It’s not a story he’s ever going to tell Daniel. Some things were just meant to be kept to yourself. But he thinks about it now, about how much he would have missed out on if he let his grief pull him over the edge and into the darkness.

Sarah had told him once, long after the divorce and with tears in her eyes, that Charlie wouldn’t have wanted this for him. That he wouldn’t have wanted his dad to be miserable for the rest of his life. That he could grieve their boy but at some point, he would have to move on with his life. (Sarah was a saint of a woman. She never blamed him for something that was his fault. That was alright, Jack would blame himself enough for the both of them, for the rest of his life.)

It was her words in his head that made him even pick up the phone when Hammond called. Jack had ignored a whole lot of calls from a whole lot of people before then. He and Hammond had  been in the Air Force together, and even worked a couple of missions on the back end when Hammond was riding the pine pony and before Jack’s forced retirement took him out of the service altogether.

It was Hammond who said he had a security company that he was starting up, and that he could use a fresh pair of eyes to make sure he was covering all his bases. Jack didn’t manage to have that conversation without asking Hammond if Sarah called him. He was too raw, too pissed off at the idea of being forgiven to leave it alone.

Hammond, God bless him and rest his soul, had deadpanned all the way through the phone wire. ‘Son, whether she did or not doesn’t change the fact that I’m asking you to do me a favor here.’ 

So Jack let words like favor and friendship coax him back out of his deathly silent house in Colorado and halfway across the world. Rich folks always needed someone to look after them, regardless of if they actually needed someone watching their backs at night. It was easy pay, most of the time. 

And then Jack got saddled with a sarcastic archaeologist who got a bodyguard courtesy of the university, after one of his failed students tried to put a hit out on him on the internet. (Jack always wondered how you even started looking for someone to kill another person. Did you type ‘hitman for hire’ in a search engine or something?)

The rest was long, complicated history. A whole lot of time and miles and sitting in on lectures until Jack stopped zoning out and started listening. Dr. Daniel Jackson was smart, that was never up for debate. Jack knew that the second he laid eyes on him. But listening to him talk, Jack started to realize how much more than just an egghead that Daniel was. 

He was clever, and he was funny. God, Daniel has a whip smart sense of humor and Jack enjoys it just as much now as he did when he first started seeing it unleashed on poor and unsuspecting entitled assholes at colleges where Daniel was going to speak. Dr. Jackson took no shit, but he did it with a smile on his face and left a lot of confused people in his wake. 

And how was a guy like Jack supposed to turn a blind eye to that? He’d settled down with Sarah, sure, and he loved the hell out of her. (He loved her so much that he was pretty sure he’d never be able to fall in love with a woman again.) But he’d had more than his fair share of foxhole fornication with the boys before he and Sarah got married. 

So spending his days shadowing a smart mouthed professor started being an exercise in repression. Because above all else, Jack was a professional. He wasn’t going to let his slow slide from respect to fondness to Feeling get in the way of doing his job. Hammond deserved better than that. 

Daniel did too. 

“You don’t have the best long view on the world, Jack. You’ve been known to be a little short sighted.” It’s sharp, and a little wry, and Jack loves the way that Daniel puts his index finger right on the line that he was reading so that he won’t lose his spot while he shoots a playful, loving look at Jack. 

“Yeah yeah, rub it in why don’t you.” Jack gestures around him, encompassing the blue skies and the white sand beaches and the handsome fella sitting next to him all with a wave of the hand that would do Vanna White proud. “This is all here because of you.”

Because Jack might have had decades worth of practice when it came to repressing the things in life he couldn’t deal with at the time, Daniel Jackson had never met a puzzle that he couldn’t solve. And Daniel had looked at Jack and seen a Gordian knot that he was itching to get his fingers on, convinced that if he could find the right string and tug, that he could unravel him. 

Smug bastard was right, too. Jack came apart like a house of cards in a hurricane the first time that Daniel cornered him in an elevator, a hand pressed flat against his chest and the smell of his cologne in Jack’s nose. ‘I want you.’ Daniel said, in that same knowing way he talked about the pyramids and the ancient Egyptians. ‘And I know you want me too. So why don’t we stop circling each other like some kind of alpha predator and actually do something about it?’ 

That had been peak Daniel. An argument rushed out on excitable words that Jack couldn’t think of a good excuse to argue back with. It didn’t hurt that they were coming to the end of Daniel’s contract, and his shit for brains ex-student hadn’t so much as sent a threatening email since the cops got involved. 

And in true Daniel fashion, he dug and he dug and he dusted off all the broken vase pieces of Jack’s heart and he treasured them just as they were. No need to be glued back together, or polished. Daniel loved him as much academically as he did emotionally, and Jack loves the son of a bitch so much for it that it keeps him up at night sometimes. 

Literally. 

Just the other night, Jack had lain there, tipped over onto his side because Daniel slept like the damn dead, and watched the way the filtered light from the street outside played against Daniel’s cheekbone, and felt that knot in his chest go taut. Daniel was the reason Jack got out of bed every day. 

(And in the morning, while Daniel was shoveling oatmeal into his mouth without looking away from the translation in front of him, Jack had let slip ‘Charlie would have liked you’. And he meant it, too. Charlie had been whip smart, too. He would have loved Daniel.)

“No short jokes from you, junior.” It’s a lazy back and forth, and Jack digs at his own thoughts for a second until he can find the words that Daniel had used for it in one of his lectures last week. Call and response. 

Jack wasn’t getting paid to sit in on the lectures now. But he still liked to take up a spot in the back row and do the crossword with the ebb and flow of Daniel’s voice washing over him, the same way the sound of the sea was washing over him now. 

“I would never.” But Daniel’s voice trails off, the same way that his attention is fading, already shifting back to the book in his hand. If Jack was a betting man, he’d bet that tonight would be one of those nights that he’d have to roll out of bed with creaking knees and crackling ankles at two in the morning and usher Daniel into bed. He was close to a breakthrough, and Jack knew that getting much else out of him today when his brain was in Translation Mode wasn’t going to happen. 

“Yeah yeah.” Jack repeats, his own kind of absent as he reaches over to squeeze Daniel’s knee, careful not to bump the book where it sits in his lap. He turns his own attention back to the rod and reel he’s been ignoring through this stroll down memory lane, giving it a little tug on the line. 

Nothing was biting at the moment, but that was alright. Jack had nothing else to do, and there was nowhere else in the world he’d rather be. 

[gennsoup]

It is almost a relief to believe in evil again, knowing at last that for some things there is no excuse.

Marian Engel, Sarah Bastard's Notebook

[neon-sparrows]

Brian: “Since it’s you, I’m gonna let it go.”

anybody else ever get a little bothered nobody tried to see if alex was okay? no? just me? yeah that’s fairalways taking requests/suggestions! 

"We need to talk."

Brian looks Alex in the eye with an expression of obvious annoyance as the other looks up from his notepad, closing the slightly worn out cover on reflex when he's interrupted.

"Talk about what?" The response is somewhere between terse and dismissive.

Things have been messy, and that's a nice word for it. It's a film set, not a military drill, and yet Alex is becoming increasingly frustrating to work with; Tim and Sarah both had had some issues with his methodology, for one, and while Seth and Jay were avoiding the worst of it it was still less than pleasant to watch their director yell at somebody who was not really doing anything worth yelling about--

"Look." Brian crosses his arms over his chest. "I get that you've got your-- artistic vision, or whatever, but you need to cool it."

Alex stares at him.

"You need to stop yelling at Tim and Sarah."

Alex continues to stare.

Brian grits his teeth.

"Anybody home?"

Alex seems to snap out of-- something, and turns his attention back to Brian properly, shaking his head and giving him an expression of annoyance.

"I'll stop yelling at them when they stop giving me garbage." He says, flatly, tapping his pen on his notebook. "This isn't an elementary school production but I feel like I'd have gotten better results casting elementary schoolers. At least they can pretend to know what's going on."

Brian raises a brow.

"So it's really like that, huh."

"Yeah, it is." Alex moves to stand up, collecting his notebook and pen. He shoves a stray paper into his pocket, something covered in scrawled and scribbled sharpie. "I can't work with people who don't want to cooperate and actually make something decent, and since Sarah's not delivering her lines right and you and Tim are busy doing nothing but making googly eyes any time you're in the same zipcode--"

Brian clenches his hand into a fist, takes a deep breath, and exhales sharply through his nose.

Let it go.

"Look," Brian says, grabbing for Alex's shoulder. The other jerks when he makes contact. "You need to chill out and take a break. When's the last time you slept?"

Alex looks at him with an expression of irritability, more or less slapping his hand away.

"Just go back to the script, Brian. Do better and I'll be less of an asshole." He replies sharply, pushing up his glasses and more or less stomping away. It reminds him a little more of a petulant child than a grown man, and yet--

Brian lifts a hand to rub at his eyes. Alex Kralie, disagreeable bastard. That was a new classification.

[themcuhasruinedme]

It Might Be You (The Flame Pt. 1)

[Summary]: You knew Tony in college for three years. And in those three years, you had such a crush on him. You’re not really sure if he ever knew, even though there were times when it seemed like he did. And after graduating, you both went your separate ways but you still had those feelings for him. Years later, he reenters your life in the craziest way. And what follows after, gives you so many new experiences in life.

[Pairing]: Tony x reader

Tagging: @captainrogerss @theashhole @dividedwecantfall @peterman-parker @avengerofyourheart @nataliarxmanxva @metalarmproblems @mcuimxgine @capsbuchanan @imagine-assembling-the-avengers @that-sokovian-bastard @hellomissmabel @abovethesmokestacks @peculiar-persephone @bellameys @hymnofthevalkyrie @buckys-shield @callamint @redgillan @lancefvcker @thetalesofmooseandsquirrel @iwillbeinmynest @theassetseyeliner @lilasiannerd @aubzylynn @sgtbxckybxrnes @iamwarrenspeace @kamalakahn @marvelrevival @httpmcrvel @avengersnthings @feelmyroarrrr @redqueen1221

A/N: So after what felt like a million and one years of writing absolutely nothing because all my inspiration AND motivation left me… I’M BACK TO WRITING! This series has been inspired by my ‘Love Songs’ playlist on Spotify (x) and real-life events that have happened to me (although a couple things are different. And each part will be based off a song or two from the playlist). There WILL be smut in this series and I will let you know when it happens. So, without further ado... I present to you this lovely series! This part drew inspiration from these two songs (x) (x)

One year of college down. Three more to go.

You walked up the steps of the main building to get your first class, excited to see your friends from last year. With your books clutched to your chest, you wandered down the hall looking at each door to find the right room number. Suddenly, you heard your name from one of the oncoming rooms and saw your friend Kim waving at you. You smiled big and ran up to her, giving her a huge hug.

“Hey, [Y/N]! How was your summer?” she asked you while the two of you walked in the class and sat down.

“It was good. Got to spend it with the family at our lake house. How was yours?”

“Boring as usual. And aggravating because of my little brother.”

“Is Sarah here?” you asked her.

“No, not in this class. But she’s in another one of our classes so we’ll see her later.”

You glanced around the rest of the room, seeing quite a few new faces. And one of those new faces definitely caught your eye.

He was sitting a couple rows behind you, quietly flipping through the text book. His brown tousled hair, as crazy as it sounds, looked just perfect. And those eyes were perfect as well. Everything about him seemed to be. You just knew that you would have to get to know him.

You immediately turned to Kim and slightly nudged your head in his direction, asking who he was. She looked back and shrugged.

“New guy, I guess. I’m sure the teacher will go through the class and have each of us say our names so we can know who each other is.”

And that’s exactly what happened. 10 minutes later, the teacher walked in and had everyone announce their names.

“Tony Stark,” the man said when his turn came. You immediately repeated the name over several times in your head before the teacher got to you. You almost said his name out loud when you stood up but quickly composed yourself before the embarrassment occurred.

“[Y/N] [Y/L/N],” you said out loud, sitting back down as quick as possible.

You glanced back at him and he noticed, giving you a small smile and wave. You smiled back and waved at him then turning around with your face feeling hot.

This was gonna be an interesting year for you.

The next week you decided that you were gonna try and introduce yourself to Tony, after finally getting the courage to do it. So you walked into class right when the bell rang and sat in the seat next to him. You looked over and smiled as you set your bag down and pulled out your textbook. He smiled back then focused on what the teacher started talking about.

When the teacher’s lecture was over and he assigned work for the class to do, you started working on it but was having a bit of trouble with a few of the problems. You figured this was the perfect time trying to talk to Tony and gently tapped his arm. He glanced over at you.

“Hey, Tony. I can’t figure these out. You think you could help me?”

He gave a small smile and scooted over a bit towards you. “Sure, [Y/N].”

The two of you worked on your papers together for the rest of the class, getting to know a little bit more of each other in the process. When the bell rang for class to be over, he handed you a small piece of paper.

“That’s my number. Call me if you have any more questions on the assignment. Or if you just wanna study. I’m free most nights.”

“Thank you,” you said, feeling your face get hot. “I’ll add it to my contacts list.”

He nodded and started to turn to walk away but then you grabbed his wrist. “Wait.”

The two of you looked down at the situation and you immediately let go of his wrist, your entire body feeling flushed. You set your stuff down, ripped out a sheet of paper from your notebook and wrote down your number.

“Here’s mine,” you stammered, looking down. “If you wanna just hang out... maybe grab a coffee?”

Smiling, Tony took it and stuck it in his pocket. “I’d like that, [Y/N].”

You slowly looked up to see him walking away. And you couldn’t help but stare at every muscle in his body, your eyes wandering lower until they were completely glued to his ass. Snapping yourself our of the daze that you were in, you went to the rest of your classes like you were walking on the clouds.

That night you called him and talked on the phone for over two hours. The conversation first started on the assignment but the went into personal things and learning more about each other. You never felt so giddy in your life; like you were back in high school. And so started the budding friendship between the two of you.

You’d spend as much time with him in class as possible, along with spending a little bit of time outside of it. And as the school year continued, you started to develop feelings for Tony. After all, you guys seemed to be inseparable when you were together in and out of the classroom; especially when it was the two of you hanging out in the spot underneath the oak tree on campus. People just started assuming that you two were a couple because of how much you were together. Even more so because of the way you would sit with Tony while you two studied; his head in your lap, your back against his chest, the way you’d play with his hair and run your fingers through it.

This flirting went on for months between the two of you. And you loved every moment of it. You were practically putty in his hands and you couldn’t help it. There was just something about him that you knew you wanted, yet could never get the words out.   

And even though it seemed like Tony may have had those same feelings, he never once asked you out. You thought it was a bit strange but didn't want to be pushy about it so you never really asked or brought up the situation. That was until you finally found out why.

You saw him holding hands with a girl, one you’d never seen before, walking to the library. They talked and smiled and laughed with each other; and then standing in front of the doors, he kissed her on the lips. Immediately you turned around, not wanting to have that feeling of your heart sinking to the floor but it was to late. You walked away, feeling your stomach turn into knots.

Was he just playing with you and your feelings towards him? Never once did you think that he was playing you. You never took him to be that kind of person. You considered Tony to be one that actually cared about a girl, especially if they showed interest in him, flirted with him constantly and he was returning the gestures. Yet if that’s what was going, what was his reason for it?

You decided it was time to ask and see what he had to say.

[violetiris-ak]

I got tagged by @weirdnproudofit​. Guess you all get to learn a little bit more about me than my obsession with Dragon Age, Reylo, Realm of the Elderlings and writing.

Rules: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better and answer the questions. I’ll probably won’t tag as many though cause I don’t wanna spam half my followers. 

Relationship status: Single.

Favorite Color: Purple usually, though I can be swayed by pretty shade of just about anything. 

Top 3 ships: Oh, now this is going to be hard. Like, super, super hard. So I’m gonna cheat again.

I guess I’ll start with one of the easiest: Ereri/Riren, Eren/Levi from Attack on Titan. I know canonically it’ll never be thing and I’m totally fine with that. Romance of any kind isn’t really much of a thing in the anime and manga, besides the sort of hinted at relationship between Ymir and Christa which I also ship, but the fanfic, fan art, and just fandom related content around this ship has just been incredible.  I came to it during the early days of the anime’s airing in 2013 and never left. I am so blown away and moved by it to this day. So much laughter and smiles and delicious angst and swoon worthy content. Seriously, some of the fanfics for this pairing were so addictive and impressive and also just warm and comforting. And from some of them, I even learned about myself like in the way the best of books do. I’m not as immersed in the community as I used to, but I still follow it and was only reading a fanfic for this pairing a month ago and it was like coming home.

Pre Eren/Levi the last big ship of mine was Dramione aka Draco/Hermione from Harry Potter. I never expected them to get together canonically. I actually came to the series after it was finished, and it wasn’t until after I was finished when I browsing the internet that I came across my first Dramione fic. Intrigued I gave it a go and was hooked. It was like an innocent, PG rated one where Draco and Hermione have a spell go wrong and must stick close together until the spell wears off, and in the meantime, learn to first tolerate each other and then eventually like each other. I was done for and consume such an incredible amount of fanfic it was unreal. 

One of the things that actually made 2016 bearable was my discovering the Dragon Age series and then mass playing them 2x through (still slowly working on my third). By the end of my first playthrough, I just wasn’t ready to leave the world. I couldn’t let go. So I Googled the top fanfics for it and read Zute’s “A Californian in King Cailan’s Court” and sequel “Post Blight Management for Dummies,” which is hysterical by the way. And I binge read so much DA fanfic after that. Seriously, some of my fellow DA fanfic writers are amazing. And as I was looking through one fic where Zevran tries to broker a truce between Fenris and Anders, I became curious about Fenders. And so I looked to see what was out there and got hooked. Now this is another ship that isn’t canon, but these fics showed something I longed for in the game: for these two to realize that despite all their arguments and differences that they both long for the same thing: freedom and justice for those like them that are oppressed. Both have had their freedom denied, both traumatized by their past, Anders by the Chantry and the Templars and the Circle and Fenris by the slavers and magisters of Tevinter. What so many of the fics handled so gracefully was having these two broken people find healing and understanding through one another to a beautiful effect. I recommend giving @nikki-66​ fics a go for great examples of this.

And I said I was gonna cheat, right? Okay, so here are two other ships I’m fully sailing on that I didn’t put in my top three. The first being Reylo because anyone who follows my blog will have probably noticed that I totally ship this. I shipped it from The Force Awakens and was ecstatic when The Last Jedi came out. I went on such a fanfic reading binge for this in late 2017/early to mid 2018. It was the only thing that toned down DA fanfic reading to reasonable levels. All I can is if Ben Solo dies in the next movie and/or if Reylo doesn’t happen in some way I’m going to be so pissed lol

Finally, to one of the most complicated and moving and hard to define relationships I’ve ever read in fantasy fiction: Fitz and the Fool from Robin Hobb’s the Realm of the Elderlings. Fitz is the bastard of the crown prince of the Six Duchies turned assassin for the king and the Fool is the court jester and also someone he refers to as the White Prophet. Their relationship in the books spans a lifetime, and it grows and evolves. Are they friends? Or are they more? But they’re not lovers, not in the way most of us would think of them but also something more. All I knew was that in some way the two of them needed to end up together in some way, and I just couldn’t bear the thought that they wouldn’t be. I put off reading the last trilogy for months because of it. And when I did... I won’t say because you really need to read these books. All sixteen of them and in order. Please. 

lipstick or chapstick: I always have a chapstick in my pocket. Always. I can’t stand having dry lips. And while I do love lipstick for all the pretty colors and also the way it brightens my face, I hate when a lipstick can just settle on your lips and look super bad. But in recent years there’s been more lip butters and other hydrating formulas that I can regularly use, so that’s nice.

Last song: Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen. I’ve been on a Queen kick after watching Bohemian Rhapsody. 

Last movie: I was hanging out with my mom post her knee surgery and got her to finally watch Mulan. Before that it was Outlaw King on Netflix (with a friend) and then Bohemian Rhapsody (with a sister). I don’t watch a whole lot of movies. And if we’re talking TV shows then Outlander (with a friend). I’m more likely to be found reading, writing or gaming than I am to be watching something. 

currently reading: Ummmmm where do I begin? Ha. Like I just read a Reylo oneshot this morning. The other day I just finished Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J. Maas (which was so good!) and because I was in such a Maas kick I decided to make my 100th book read of the year her Catwoman Soulstealer one (good so far!). Also, I just started reading the novella Neutral by Jane Washington and Jaymin Eve which is part of the Curse of the Gods series (the protagonist Willa is the funniest main character I’ve read in years; the most recent one being the Warden in Zute’s Dragon Age fanfic). 

And yes, I did say 100 books. I am counting novel lengths fanfics, books of poetry and plays along with any novels and books of nonfiction. In 2017, I wanted to see how much I was actually reading and challenged myself to get to at 50 (I ended up somewhere in the 80s) and write them all down in a notebook. I gave myself the 50 challenge again this year at the bare minimum with the ultimate goal of 100 books read. So unless I lose all access to the written word for the rest of the year, I’ll be meeting my goal in the next day or so, which is super exciting. 

So here I’m going to tag four of my followers! If you’ve already done this or find the whole thing annoying feel free to ignore it.  @orkindofamazing @amervalk @latebuthere @nekoamamori

[sarah-bae-maas]

Why do you like Sarah J Maas' books so much?

So I do just love a good story, but I have reasons beyond that. If you want to read them, the abridged version is below the cut. Get ready to get personal anon, and just remember, you asked for it 😂

So I’ve been writing and reading since I was very young. I have notebooks filled with stories from the ages of 4 onwards before we all had laptops and computer time at school that contain all the tales I used to write for myself. Reading was my favourite thing in the world, and although I loved writing I had yet to realise how much I needed it. 

I grew up with an incredibly abusive father. It didn’t start really effecting me until I cut him out of my life (I haven’t seen or spoken to him in over 6 years) but none the less I have to acknowledge his role in what my life became. 

The first signs of my eating disorder came at a very young age. I would say around 7. These signs only escalated until I was 12-13, which is when I first started having bouts of binging and self-starvation, which was on top of an already hazardous diet. I was a competitive athlete by the time I was 9, in a sport where we were weighed. You can imagine what this might have done for my psyche. My coach didn’t understand that, and looking back I feel sick at the way he treated me, a child, when he was a man I was meant to look up to and idolised. 

When I was 14, my family and I were homeless. For 2-3 months, I shared the floor of my grandmothers study floor with my older brother, the divorce that was so desperately needed between my parents was so bitter that my biological father refused to let us have the money we needed from my childhood home to buy a new one, even if it meant his children had no where to live. During this time, our car, full of our possessions, was robbed. This, although a small event, made me feel violated in a way I hadn’t before. That day when I went to school, my teacher gave me a detention for being late, and after (in tears) when I explained why, he made me walk through the bustling school with the roll to give reception. He shamed me, and made everyone watch. Again, a small event that I will never forget.

I was 13-14-15 when the depression hit me hard and I started experimenting with self harm. I also developed pretty severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Books were still my safe space, but by the time I was 16 I had completely abandoned writing. Anyway, my mother found out, and I was sent of to a psychologist. This was the best thing for me, and I will always be grateful that I was extended the help by my psychologist at a time when I desperately needed it. She helped me start to overcome by issues with my body, what I would say I still struggle with most today, and helped me through my depression. I was diagnosed with OCD, depression an anxiety. She still to this day doesn’t know the full extent of my eating disorder, and even now, as an adult who is incredibly open and well educated, I feel it’s my burden to bear. As for my anxiety, she wanted me on medication but with the amount of medical forms I had to fill out for school I didn’t want to have to explain myself, so I always refused. My OCD was bad, and luckily I had a really understanding doctor who prescribed me the steroids I need to fix the skin I had ravaged in my routines. 

My older brother, who I love dearly, so, so much, is on the spectrum and has depression. Living with him is incredibly difficult. His bouts of violence clashed harshly against my own mindset. My mother, as you can imagine, has PTSD, which was also something I just couldn’t deal with. My baby brother is a lil cutie pie and so pure of heart it makes me melt. The only time he’s an issue is when he plays those bloody online streaming games. He’s uses up all the internet and he turns into a bastard 😂 But he’s a teenager so I’ll forgive him. 

I know what you’re thinking. Zoe, what the hell does this have to do with SJM? Well, friend, I read her books when was 16 or 17, i can’t remember, and I was reading about these amazing, strong, fierce independent women and I was like holy hot damn I love this. 

Reading Throne of Glass and A Court of Thorns and Roses made me want to write again. 

And if I had never started writing again, I never would have recovered. Reading Sarah’s books ignited a long burnt out flame in me. I started creating characters, creating worlds, and I started writing fan fiction for her which led me to this community. I started taking pictures of myself again, which I know wounds bizarre, but from the ages of 12-18 the only photos of me are mostly my school photos. There was a period of about 3 months were I couldn’t walk from a surgery gone not to well, and instead of falling into a slump about losing the use of one of my legs, I was fine. Because I had Aelin, I had Feyre, and most importantly I had my own characters and my own story. I recovered, thankfully, but I still have chronic pain in that leg, and you know what? I don’t care. If Elide can get through life with it so can bloody I. 

Because of Sarah’s books, I’ve started to really love myself. 

I haven’t got flaws, I have interesting character traits. 

I never would have done my university course if it had not been for Sarah’s books. Hell, I might not have graduated high school at all (first girl to on my biological father’s side to do it, my older brother was the first boy). I never would have been accepted into academic societies for my grades, I never would have been able to rub my success in the face of those who didn’t believe in me. I never would have received a place at a university in London nor gotten grants to do it. I might never have had the guts to move out at 18 and start my life in the city, being a young, powerful, finically independent woman. 

So Sarah’s books could turn to shit. I’ve critiqued them before, I have no problem continuing to do so, but I will always, always been grateful, and they will always have a special place in me. I will always support the author who has no idea how much she supported me. 

People often tell me I’m wasting my potential as a writer - I have the grades to to law, science, medicine, and the brain to back it up - and I always respond with one this. Culture, art, literature, is as integral to society as those things. And I am happy to say I’m a writer, proud even, and thrilled to be where I am now. 

Even if London’s weather is shit and I don’t have a buff fae male to keep me company 😂

[imgilmoregirl]

AO3 Link

Notes: WARNING: I’m not sure if this is should be labeled as “graphic descriptions of violence” but this chapter features the flashback of Robin’s death, so be warned anyway.

The Wrong Decision

Finding Gold in a good mood had been quite a difficult thing for about eight months after the accident happened, but ever since he got back together with Belle, the pawnbroker was constantly spot wearing a tiny smirk in his lips, almost as wider as the one he wore before it all. Almost. The whole town knew by now that they were slowly finding happiness again, if the times they shared quick kisses on the sidewalks and Belle's ever-growing belly weren't enough indicate of that. They were always together now, unafraid of showing everybody how much they loved each other and were fighting for their marriage.

There were things that haven't changed though, like how Belle was still afraid something could happen to their baby boy or how Sarah still looked weak, even with the help of her medicines, but the fact that they were giving the best of themselves to work things out, made everything seem better. Belle seemed better which for him was on top of his list of reasons to be happy. She continued to see Archie two nights a week, but she was now eating more, smiling more and the pills to control her anxiety hadn't been needed.

Her new work seemed to help with that, alongside the fact she hadn't crossed paths with her father too and Gold was determined to not allow Moe to get any near to him. The same could be told of Will Scarlet who he had visited at the Sheriff station shortly after he attacked his wife. In that occasion Gold had found him lazily laid on a very uncomfortable, small bed and with David Nolan's consent he approached him for a talk.

"Mr. Gold," he greeted him with a nod, sitting up. "What can I do for you?"

Robert took some threatening steps towards him, grabbing the bars of his cell and narrowing his eyes at that damned man. If it wasn't for the cell between them he would have already jumped on his throat.

"You can stay the hell away from my wife," Gold said behind gritted teeth. "If you ever get anywhere near her again, I swear I'll make you regret it. What kind of man would harass a pregnant woman?"

"Being pregnant doesn't make her any less hot. I bet you agree with that."

"You son of a - "

"Alright, Gold, time is over," David Nolan intervened. "We will take good care of him, don't worry. He has another two weeks of enclosure to decide to never get any closer to Isabelle again."

It wasn't of any reassurance for him, but if Will insisted in being the jerk he was, then things wouldn't end in a pretty way. That he would make sure of, but that conversation had happened days ago, now he was making the shop's monthly inventory and trying to rush it as he had promised to pick Belle and Sarah up from the school and he still had to go out to buy some lunch before knocking on a few doors to collect the rent.

Flipping a page, Gold snorted, hearing the bell on the front of the shop jingle, announcing the arrival of a costumer - or in this case, just an annoying idiot. He lifted his eyes to see detective Rogers walking towards him with a fierce look on his face.

“Fuck off,” Gold said immediately.

“The sign on your door says you are open,” Rogers retorted.

“I don’t care what the damn sign says, the shop is mine and I’m saying we are closed for you.”

“Enough of this, Gold,” the detective shouted out. “I know the truth. I’ve talked with Zelena.”

At these words, Gold closed the book in which he was writing, pulling the pen down above it very carefully. It had been a long time ever since he last heard that name, but whenever it came up, it didn't bring any good news with it.

“Congratulations then, detective," he started in a calculated voice. "You’ve unlocked this town’s darkest secret, now you have to decide what to do with it.”

“I’ve already decided," Rogers said without any hesitation, "that’s why I’m here. I’m going to put Jonathan Hades in jail and you are going to help me.”

“I’m sorry if I didn’t make this enough clear for you, but no, I won’t.”

“He killed your son,” the man screamed, his voice echoing in the shop's walls.

A long sigh escaped Gold. He was the first to want Hades to pay for what he did. He had been the one to feel all the pain and he didn't want to give that twisted man a second chance at ruining his life, but if he agreed with it, he would only bring Hades' eyes over his family again and that couldn't happen.

“Yes, and think twice, detective, you have a daughter yourself. I had this same mission a year ago, I had this same sense of justice, I wanted to free this town from that bastard, but then, tables turned and I lost my boy,” Robert said, slowly. “I’ve made the wrong decision once, I won’t make it twice. I still have people I care about, a very pregnant wife and a lovely daughter, who I would kill to protect, so no I won’t get involved in Regina’s shitty avenge plan.”

Rogers furrowed at him.

“Are you really afraid of Hades?”

“I’m not afraid of him, he is just a coward with money and a few mortal tools. But he was the one to destroy my life and now that I’ve found happiness again, I’m not willing to risk it.”

The detective sighed, tapping his fingers together as he took his time to think. It was obvious that Gold wasn't giving in because he had a family to protect, but if his name wasn't involved in the investigation then maybe things could work.

“You have the clue, the proof that he killed Robin,” Rogers carefully pointed out. “Give it to me and I will assume all the consequences.”

Gold looked down, tracing the edges of his notebook. He didn't know if he should this, but maybe if he only gave Rogers the right information, then the idiot could figure things out on his own.

“Anastasia. Will’s ex-fiancée,” he responded. “She was at the park in the day Robin was murdered, she saw everything. The cameras filmed her, which is why the video from that night is missing. Will is the only one who has access to it, he was going to give it to me, but after the accident, he gave it to Ana and told her to never come back to town again.”

Nodding, Rogers gave him a tiny smile.

“I will find her, then I will arrest Hades and you can be sure your family will stay safe.”

Turning around, the detective left, but Gold wasn't sure of anything he was actually trying to decide if he had done the wrong choice or not. He turned around then and opened the safe, taking his gun from inside of it and knowing that it was better to be safe than sorry.

Belle couldn’t manage to sleep. Half an hour tried to, but every single position she tried felt uncomfortable, her belly wasn’t even that big yet, but it already felt too heavy and the fact that Robert hadn’t come back home yet was making her anxious and she didn’t really want to have to take any pills to calm down her heart. She stood up then, made the bed – because Belle had quite a complex with messy sheets and she wasn’t going to sleep on an unmade bed – and curled herself up on the arm chair and opened a romance.

Her day at the school had been lovely and she couldn’t wait to tell her husband all the details about the gardening experience they were trying with the kids, but he had called her during the break to tell Belle he had a few things to do and wouldn’t be able to pick her and Sarah up from school, so they should go home walking, which was exactly what they did.

A little walking wasn’t a problem for her at all, nor was spending the night alone with her daughter – although Sarah complained a lot about the poor taste of her dinner – but what she truly cared about was the reason that was keeping her husband away until so late. The last time he had arrived home after six was when he was making those investigations to Regina and all of them knew it didn’t have a good ending.

Sighing, Belle dropped the book she was holding to her lap, mindlessly stroking her bump and feeling an insistent little feet kick against her spine, making her hiss in pain. In that moment, the door of the bedroom was opened to reveal Gold, who had a bad and his jacket hanging in one hand as the other tugged at his tie, unfastening it.

“Hey, I was sick worried about you,” Belle exclaimed, standing up and reaching for him, taking the things he was holding and pulling them down to the bed before she helped him to free himself from the tie and he kissed her lips. “Sarah tried to stay awake until you arrived but she passed out half an hour ago.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I needed to take care of a few things, I hope the walk home haven’t exhausted you,” he answered touching her face with a preoccupied look in his brown eyes.

“I’m fine,” she guaranteed. “I was just concerned.”

“You’re crying,” Gold pointed out, furrowing as he brushed the tears away from her face.

She hadn’t realised it, but crying shouldn’t be a surprising thing for Belle at this point, as the last year of her life could be summarised in tears and more tears. It didn’t make her hate to feel this emotional any less. Back when she was pregnant with Sarah, she had been a perfect ray of sunshine, but she had also fallen asleep on her desk plentily enough times, which wasn’t good too, so she guessed she couldn’t complain.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, it’s the hormones and the baby changed his position which is killing me with pain,” she explained.

“Sit on the bed,” Robert said. “I’ll give you a backrub.”

He went straight to the closet, kicking off his shoes in the process, as Belle accommodated herself in the bed again. Gold reappeared some moments later with a bottle of her favourite body moisturizer in hands and settled himself behind her, pulling the nightgown off her and spreading some of the cream on her back.

Some sort of purr left her when his long fingers pressed up and down her back, relieving some of the pressure there, which appeared to bother the baby as she felt him moving away from the place his father was rubbing. Her belly waved at the movement, which was both weird and fascinating at the same time, but the pain was gone and that was all that mattered.

“Mm, that’s a bit better.”

“Belle, my love, can you open my bag, please?” Gold asked, spreading more of the moisturizer on her skin and she reached for it, opening the zipper. “Get the gun from inside.”

Her breath got caught on her throat as she lifted the silver object, feeling her hands start to tremble.

“What are you doing with it?”

“I want you to have it and to carry it with you wherever you go.”

“What? Why?”

Belle moved away, sitting in front of him so she could look at his eyes. She thought the whole story about this gun was over, but apparently it was not and trying to imagine his reasons to bring it to her, made Belle feel sick for the first time in weeks.

“Because Rogers came into my shop today and he is very close to the end of his investigation,” Robert said. “Hades can come for us again and if he is stupid enough to try touching you, I want you to have a way of defending yourself.”

“I can’t shoot him,” she swallowed, looking down at the gun and feeling suddenly terrified of it.

Gold shook his head, placing both his hands on her naked shoulders, rubbing circles on her skin with his thumbs. She was about to start crying again and it was the very last thing he wanted, but they needed to have this frank conversation, for own safety.

“Sweetheart, if you had to choose between that little son of a bitch’s life and yours – our child’s, you can’t hesitate.”

“Bobby… You’re scaring me.”

“I don’t want to, but I can’t lose you, Belle,” he said and she saw that there were tears in his eyes too. “I can’t lose any of you.”

“What if he comes for you?” Belle asked. “What are you going to use to defend yourself?”

“This gun is new, the old one is still in my safe.”

She nodded, sliding off the bed.

“I’ll, put it in my purse.”

Taking long, deep breaths, as Archie had taught her, Belle made her way towards the chair in which she left her school stuff, opening her purse and laying the gun inside, right above a red scarf she used to keep in there for when the day got suddenly colder. Nobody would see it this way and she could try to forget it was there herself.

“May I ask you something?” Belle inquired as she sat back beside her husband, taking her nightgown and pulling it back.

“Aye.”

“You told me once that you wanted to use the gun to take your own life… Why?”

Robert looked away from her face at the same time he pulled her closer to his body, allowing Belle to lay her head on his chest, but she kept staring at him instead of just looking down as he was doing. Ever since the day he let those words slip from his mouth, her heart had been aching some kind of despair that she hadn’t yet experienced.

“There was a time, after you were gone that I couldn’t feel anything but pain,” Gold started. “I spent my days locked in that shop drinking until I was numb. I blamed myself for the accident, for pushing you away and the fact that our family was destroyed was too much for me.”

“Oh, babe…”

“I was raised by my two crazy aunties, my mom died in childbirth and my father never wanted me, as you well know, my ex-wife disappeared before Bae was one and then she died of overdose. I was a bitter when we met and I had the perfect past to become a horrible person, but you brought the light I needed to my life, Belle, you became the mother my son needed and the companion I’ve always wanted for life. With you I had everything I never thought I could have, but then it all was over and I couldn’t accept it. I stopped taking my heart medicines, started drinking and staring at the gun…” He trailed off as if just talking about it took his breath away. “I drowned deep in darkness. The good things I had were gone and I didn’t want to be alive anymore.”

She reached up to touch his face and was surprised to feel that his cheeks were wet with a few tears. Her poor love had suffered as much as she did during their separation and she hated herself for not having noticed it earlier.

“Robert, I’m so sorry that you ever felt like this,” Belle whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth. “I love you so much and I won’t ever leave you again.”

“I know, and I love you too.”

She pressed their lips together again then, giving everything, she had in that kiss, because he had helped her healing and she wanted to do the very same for him.

Two years ago.

Anastasia regretted going away by the moment she left Storybrooke, but she wasn’t one to admit it and she probably would never have done such a thing if she hadn’t found herself so unhappy, which was the reason why she entered the local park that particular night, hours after it closed. The was a particularly cold night and she was wrapped inside a big red coat, trying to figure out exactly what she should say to Will when she saw him again.

It had been a long time since they last spoke to each other and she wasn’t sure if he was willing to forgive her, but she hoped so, because even after all that time she still loved him with all her heart. She made her way towards the cabin in which Will and Robin usually stayed for a drink or a game after the work was done and from where she was, Ana could already see the lights of it, which made her smile as she remembered some of the occasions she spent in there, planning for her future with Will.

Maybe, she thought, this night could be one of those and he could accept her back without much questioning. Anastasia almost felt hopeful with her own fantasies as she kept walking, but it was a loud sound of pain that echoed in the quiet of the night that made her stop, taking her out of her musings. There was a muffled bang and another groan that caused her to jump in place and hide herself behind a tree as she peeked a look at the most horrific scene she had ever witnessed in her life.

Robin de Locksley was stirred on the ground, curling himself in a ball, blood dripping from the corners of his mouth as another man, dressed all in black kicked his back and made him gasp for air again. Ana covered her mouth with a hand, trying to prevent herself from screaming when the man reached for a long, large piece of wood and used it to beat Robin again, taking another painful scream from him.

“You thought I would never find out, right, you vermin?” The man said and suddenly Anastasia recognised his voice. Jonathan Hades, one of the town’s most powerful men. “You helped that bitch to kill something that was mine.”

“She was afraid of you…” Robin coughed.

“Of course, she was, and so should you,” Hades insisted, beating him up again. The sounds were terrifying and Ana was already crying in fear. “You should learn, dear Robin, to mind your own business.”

Hades had a wild look on his face as he took a gun out of his jacket’s pocket and made Ana lose all of her air. She was about to scream out loud, to do something to prevent him from doing what he clearly intended, but then she felt a hand pressing hard to her mouth and looked back to see Will gesturing for her to get quiet and she focused into looking at his eyes when the sound of three consecutive shoots reached them.

Eyes closed she started crying silently as Hades left the park and, when they were sure he was gone, Anastasia freed herself from will, rushing towards Robin to find his limp body bleeding in the floor, his blue eyes opened and staring up at her. She sobbed and looked back at Will, certainly not the reunion she expected.

“I’ll call the Sheriff,” Ana said in a trembling voice.

“No,” Will shook his head. “You have to get out of here. I’ll make an anonymous call when I’m home, but nobody can find out we witnessed this. You saw what Hades is capable of.”

She licked her lips, wanting to fight against him at the same time she wanted to say all the things she had planned to, but Anastasia was too scared right now to do any of it, so she nodded and, turning around, she also left the park.

Present days.

“Can you tell me again why are you kidnapping us? I promised Alice I would visit little Maggie,” Belle said, folding her arms and narrowing her eyes at Gold. “I even bought her a present!”

Gold sighed, reaching for her tight and caressing her as he drove. He had awakened that day and insisted for Belle and Sarah to pack because they were going to spend the weekend away in their cabin. He wasn’t sure if his wife would agree as that place was full of memories of them with Bae and they had spent quite good days with him in there on the last summer before he died, but he felt like, away from the rest of the town he could get himself some peace of mind, so he bought lots of food, picked some board games and toys to distract Sarah and tucked them inside the car.

“You can see the baby any other day, sweetheart. I can assure you she won’t be any less cute on Monday than she is today,” he said, starting to make his way through the woods.

“I was planning on throw her a baby shower,” Belle complained, crossing her hands over her own belly, “but Maggie came a week earlier than she was supposed to.”

“Babies doesn’t like to wait.”

She sighed but nodded in agreement, continuing to pet the little mound that was now her stomach. This pregnancy was way different than it had been with Sarah – who had been a baby that liked to wait, as she was born at forty weeks, all chubby cheeks and pink skin – Belle felt different symptoms than she did the first time around and her belly was way smaller than it had been at this same stage. He thought it was maybe due to her problems with eating during her first trimester.

“When are we going to get my baby brother?” Sarah asked from the backseat, stretching herself forward so she could take a better look at her parents.

“In about two or three months, darling,” Belle answered.

“Can we call him Bae like my other brother?”

Gold couldn’t help but quickly glance back at her, to see that the little girl was blinking her amazingly blue eyes at him in a pleading way, but by his side, Belle had held onto a breath, hands tightening on her belly. That was the last thing she needed to her and he knew the word “replacement” was probably being screamed out loud inside her mind.

“That’s not a good idea Sarah and I’m sure Bae would like him to have his own name.”

“Can I choose it?”

“You can help to,” he added softly.

“Can we call him Bobby like mama calls you, papa?”

“Let’s try original names Sarah,” Gold chuckled.

He parked the car in front of the family’s cabin, something he had acquired as soon as he moved to Storybrooke, almost twelve years ago. They had spent good moments in there, family moments – Belle, Bae and him, then later in life, Sarah too – and some romantic moments too, whenever they could leave the children with a nanny. Gold sighed, hearing both Belle and Sarah to unbuckle their seat belts and a moment later, Sarah had jumped to his lap, tapping a finger to his chin to call for his attention.

“Can we swim on the lake?”

“I’m sorry, honey, but it is too cold for that,” it was Belle who answered. “Let’s hope papa has some fun ideas for us other than curl under the blankets for two days.”

“Oh, I have all the best ideas,” he replied with a wink as she suddenly started to giggle, but she wasn’t even looking at him anymore, but down at her own lap, hands running up and down her stomach. “What are you laughing at?”

“The baby,” she said, taking his hand in her and pressing it to a point lower in her belly. “Feel it.”

It wasn’t a kick, like he was used to feel, but a wave that brought the biggest of the smiles to his lips, because his child was apparently playing within its mother and it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

“I want to feel it too,” Sarah exclaimed, pushing Gold’s hand away to press both of hers in her mother’s belly.

The two girls he most loved in that world shared a smile and Robert moved to open up the car’s door, getting out of it and giving then a moment as he picked their bags and took then to the porch. It didn’t take long for Belle and Sarah to follow him, walking hand to hand as he swung the door open and they faced the cabin.

He took a long breath and for the first time ever since he woke up that day and decided to go there, Gold wondered if he wasn’t just pulling his family through a weekend full of ghosts.