#Seek Help When Needed

[chimerafeathers]

i know we love to rag on Siffrin for feeling so miserably guilty and manipulative for the crime of [checks notes] “doing nice things for their friends so that they’ll be happy and care about him even if it’s not perfectly sincere on his end”

but like. in context i don’t think that thought process is anywhere near as nonsensical as it always sounds written out like that

i’m sure i’m just stating the obvious here but it’s not really about the “crime” of making people happy. it’s about what he’s not doing, which is anything that would allow their friends to have any real knowledge or agency over the situation they’re all in.

it’s about never acting according to his real feelings in the moment and letting them see the messier version of him that exists now, never allowing their relationships to evolve or develop meaningfully beyond the “safest” iteration, the thing that is Known and produces the Correct Results, because anything else has the possibility of leading to negative emotions towards Siffrin.

Siffrin knows he’s not really doing all this for their benefit, not entirely, because the “right” thing to do would give them the full context to choose how they feel and what to do about it. they’re happy, but in a way they don’t get to keep. they’re happy, but in a way that keeps Siffrin safe from anything more complex and real. they’re happy, but only because some Siffrin in the past said the right things once, and this new, bitter, lonely, desperate version wouldn’t know how to get the “correct result” without a script to follow. they’re happy, and it was real once, it meant something once, but not anymore.

they cared about that Siffrin, yes, but would they still care about this one, if they knew? if Siffrin ever allowed them to know? (he won’t, he can’t, he refuses.)

and there’s something that could have been said in favor of Siffrin allowing himself this “selfishness” if it made him happy anyway, if it could be a genuine source of comfort in a difficult situation—but it doesn’t! not really! because that guilt is there, because that fear is there, because of how flimsy it all inevitably feels.

so they’re not doing it for their family’s benefit, because that happiness is predicated on lies and ignorance. he’s barely doing it for his own benefit, because they’re torturing themself by revealing things they no longer want to reveal, concealing things they no longer want to conceal, acting out of fear of rejection rather than genuine desire for connection. who benefits from this hollow “kindness,” really?

that’s why the last loop had to be the ugliest one. Siffrin had to see that the worst could happen and there could still be love and connection on the other side. that even when the party sees the worst of him, when they have the agency he’s been knowingly denying them, they will still choose to love him.

[bread-wizards]

I'm just saying, Orym knows something about being stuck on the death of your first love. Of being constantly reminded of them and their death, seeing signs of them every day, making it that much harder to get over them.

But now he has found a new love, and despite the seeing Will several times, being reminded of him every time he looks at the moons or swings his sword, he is ready to move forward. "It's pretty great, living a lifetime." He wants to try again.

If anyone would have some wise words for Keyleth to help her get through this, it would be him.

[eatsbooksarchive]

If Eris meets someone and instantly realises that they are his mate, he knows nothing else of the person, how would he go about it?

i think he would try to take that shit to the grave — theirs or his. the one romantic relationship he is most readily exposed to throughout his life is fraught with abuse, despair, and unwillingness; the open romantic and sexual relationships his brothers participate in look a lot like subjugation; their secret ones, the ones that are genuine and sacred, are under constant threat of exposure; and we all know what happened to jesminda. not to mention being mated to him means becoming an external vulnerability, a heart beating outside of his chest, aching for a hand to reach out and crush it — and there are so many who would see him crippled in such a way. even beyond that, there’s the hostility a mate would experience amongst the autumn nobility. not while he was around, of course, but if they were ever left alone with all of the fae who wanted so desperately to ascend to power alongside the scion of autumn. so there’s obviously a lot of reasons he would keep it secret, all of them selfless, even if in the selfishness of the act.

but i do think, in the dark of the night, when the forest house is quiet and none are awake to scent the weakness on the air, he lets himself feel it — the second heartbeat, just outside of his chest. beating much slower than his own, as though in sleep. he imagines what they look like in repose, how they might nestle deeper into their pillow with a furrow between their brow as a dream stirs them towards waking, how he might like to lean forward and press his mouth to it until they settled, there, in the dark, where no one would know but him. and then — and then a servant creeps into his study to tend the hearth, which the ones loyal to him know not to do because he does not like to be disturbed and prefers to do so himself, which means this one is not loyal to him and is here to catch glimpse of what the heir is up to and report back to whoever sent them. (could be beron, could be a brother, could be a high-ranking noble who despises him, could be a high-ranking noble who hopes to slither into his bed. doesn’t matter much anymore.) the fantasy lives and dies in that moment, until the pressures of his life close around his chest once more and he must steal another reprieve from the heartbeat beyond, then it lives and dies there over again, again, again.

because the kindest thing eris vanserra can imagine doing for a mate is ensuring they never, ever know.

[okavara]

Can I give you a hug, Dr. kel?

(He looks like he needs one)

(OOC: Someone else on the ED discord asked this as well so I'll reiterate the answers I gave them to you as well :3) "... A-... I can say yes, right? You're not going to hurt me, are you?"

(when told yes, it's alright, and when he's dolt he's allowed to want a hug... He finally accepts the hug, very shaky the whole time. It's been a while)

(spent a while answering this one because I had to draw just how big his pupils get. big round sad eyes. Hehehe. I think we all wanna hug him hehehe)

[fruit-colored-ninja]

I feel like we don’t talk about the fact that in canon the reason ghosts are destroyed by water is because water is constantly changing and never confined to one form, while ghosts are the opposite: unable to change, always remaining the way they were when they died. Genuinely one of ninjago’s best worldbuilding moments imo and also a fantastic way to look at ghosts. Of course you’re going to be angry if you’ve died and can’t move on from the moment of your death and the very thing that’s able to destroy you being the embodiment of change… A++ concept

[thatfriendlyanon]

i think part of my problem is i lived with my best friend for two years of my life and have been searching for the same feeling of joy & acceptance & support ever since

[fictionadventurer]

A Biltmore Christmas may be the first Hallmark movie to drive me to fanfic.

[mad-hunts]

okay, but imagine expecting barton to come at you in this bloodied and dirtied surgeon's gown + then you get confronted by him in this (minus the pin)... like see, this is why i like to say that although his sense of fashion is usually understated, he is sometimes extra because this is CUNTY with a capital 'C'!!

[sunfloweraro]

I feel bad for Ravio in your pink bunny au bc the poor guy's bestie comes home, is doing kinda awful, gives up on life and becomes a bunny and then one day just. Is gone. Like.

Ravio's probably freaking out because Legend's been in this slow decline for a while and Ravio has been trying to pull him out of it but just can't and then he vanishes.

Oh yeah it is super rough for poor Ravio! Don’t get me wrong, Link is doing terribly too, but Ravio shoulders it all by himself and wont ask for help, which only makes matters worse for both of them. And then he snaps. And Link runs away. And doesn’t come back for months. Yeah… Ravio very much blames himself for everything—Link not getting better, and Link leaving him. He can sense he’s still out there and alive (they’re intertwined after all, two sides of the same coin) but he thinks Link doesn’t want to be found. He doesn’t want to come home. And now Ravio has deteriorated too.

I’m the author and I feel terrible for Ravio T.T their reunion in a few months will be very cathartic to write.

To help us all feel better, here’s a snippet of Ravio finally getting some comfort!

(and of course, my obligatory @thatonecrazysidekick tag!)

(and thank you for the ask!!!!)

***

Fierce squawking. Ravio flinched when Sheerow landed on his head, panicked chirps escaping her. Why had she even bothered to come back? Didn’t she know he was awful and broken?

“Leave me alone,” he rasped, his voice strained and wet with tears. “Let me rot.”

“Absolutely not.”

Ravio’s head snapped up at the new voice. He sat up quickly, scrubbing at his eyes when he saw who it was, her royal purple hair braided down her back and her eyes narrowed—in annoyance? Concern? Ravio couldn’t tell when his vision was blurry. Her hands rested over her hips. “Hilda! I—erm…”

Hilda’s face softened. She made her way over to join him on the bed. Ravio turned away, his cheeks burning darkly. “No wonder Sheerow came to get me,” Hilda said, her voice much gentler than he deserved. Ravio sniffled, couldn’t look at her as shame burned bright within. “What’s going on, Bun? You look terrible. And where’s Link? Why isn’t he helping you?”

Her words, so soft, so concerned, made Ravio’s breath hitch all over again. And then he was dissolving into sobs once more, burying his face in his hands to hide himself away from her and wishing she would just leave him alone.

A noise of concern escaped Hilda and she shifted closer. “Oh, Bun…” She curled an arm around his shoulders, and Ravio… Ravio couldn’t help himself. He didn’t deserve the comfort, but he turned and latched onto her like she was the only thing holding him up in this sea of loneliness and misery; a light in the ever-persistent darkness that had become his life.

Hilda began to run a hand up and down his back, slow and sure. Her other arm squeezed him closer, holding him together as he shuddered and broke to pieces in her arms. “Just let it out, Bun. I’m here.”

[bacchuschucklefuck]

love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest

[the-oracle-of-the-lost]

the fun part of anxiety disorders is that i've done a lot of work to not panic about every little thing that my anxiety tells me is happening which can in fact result in fully ignoring a gas leak in my house for multiple hours because this is a common intrusive thought i get and i was trying to stop my reassurance seeking behaviors only for someone else to walk in the house and go "...why does it smell like gas???"

[madaramee]

Headcanon: Being Bald

It's canonical fact that Ikkaku gets triggered whenever he gets called 'bald'.

As far as he's concerned, he's not bald - but in reality, he obviously is. In fact, save for his eyebrows (which are narrow enough as it is), there's not a speck of hair on Ikkaku's entire body. He is, naturally, completely bald.

This started at an earlier age. While he doesn't have recollection of himself having hair, he knows for a fact he used to have it. But when he was still pre-teen, it all fell off. Ikkaku is one of the few souls who suffers from a medical condition without a physical body (only canonical examples being Jushiro, Kaname, and Sajin - which is plain cursed), and you bet the others around him mocked him for it.

This caused a defensive reaction in him that carries out to this day. Whenever anyone calls him bald, he will get pissed. It's quirky, but it's a display of disrespect that hurts the kid in him that went through watching his own hair fall off early on in life. Truth is, Ikkaku has already fully accepted himself for who he is and what he is -- he wouldn't have achieved Bankai otherwise. But, it's still taboo to call him bald. If asked, he is balding; not bald.

It got to the point where pointing it out to his face is enough. He hates it about himself, and will refute it in-front of others, violently. In fact, that alone is enough to trigger him into battle mode. But, he's also accepted it.

Of course, only a select few can be trusted enough to call him 'bald' in the first place: and that's his Captain, Yumichika and Renji - which he trusts will never call him that in the first place; Iba, with which he is close, and Yachiru and Rangiku - which he can honestly do nothing about. Other than that, it's well-known within the 11th (and the Seireitei itself to an extent) that calling Ikkaku bald, is a fast way of getting your ass kicked.

[nattousan]

when

whe you, when You were just trying to put i n some extra effort to try adn improve yoursel f and it got misinterpreted as malicious n u get yell ed at

[autumnhobbit]

.

[raviollies]

Damn I just wanted to say the tags on your post really hit me…almost word for word I relate to all of that and I’ve been struggling trying to find a job to keep myself sane. I had a lot of those same thoughts and especially over the pandemic and it was unhealthy and awful and I lost a friendship that meant a lot to me bc of the same feelings you express in your tags. I’ve gotten a lot better, or at least I like to think I have, but learning to live with the knowledge of how you used to be (or at least being more aware of how not to be like that), and knowing you can’t turn back time has been hard. Seeking validation and attention…oof that all just hits so terribly home.

I think a lot of people developed a very unhealthy relationship with the internet over the pandemic - thankfully I was an essential worker so my pause in employment was super brief.

It IS hard to reconcile that that was also you but at the end of the day the best you can do is acting different and making a difference in the positive direction. You can't UNDO those actions - so really...moving forward is the ONLY thing to do. & while it doesn't excuse your actions, I do believe some grace needs to be given when it is coming from an unstable place such as mental illness.

I will admit I still have a very unhealthy relationship with validation. Not just online but it is turned up to 11 due to the whole dopamine hit of comments and likes. It used to be BAD, it would make me cry if a post flopped because I felt like people didn't care. It's an INCREDIBLY tough cycle, especially for someone mentally ill, but even for someone neurotypical it's common to descend into unfathomable toxicity in hopes of getting love from internet strangers. I mean recently there was a pretty prominent Vtuber scandal that was the most HORRID behavior all for the sake of being a popular streamer.

The internet is both a place that can really abate loneliness while worsening it in other aspects.

[herrscherofmagic]

y'know i was pretty confident that I didn't have depression, until i started learning (about 15 minutes ago) that apparently there's more flavors of depression than the usual Major Depressive Disorder.

so that's...

yeah.

okay.

sure.

:)))))))))