#Seriously this shit is wild

[laur-rants]

It's 4am and I just woke up from a scary looping dream about how a cyborg race takes us over and decides we all need to die, but instead of just watching silly comfort videos to put me to sleep I instead chose to read about the insanity that is barnacles which of course led me to parasitic barnacles and of course that led me to learning about the crab hacker barnacle and how it's just a collection of tendrils inside of a crab body with a reproduction organ on the outside and the males are just a collection of sperm creation cells in the sac and what freaks me out is that this thing is basically a crustacean that's turned itself into a horrifying fungus and I feel like this is forbidden knowledge and that my life is forever changed for having learned or knowing it.

Anyway my attempts at going back to sleep are going great and I am not at all learning of what probably inspires Yames to make his video games and haha also barnacle geese are called that because idiots in the old UK thought they were born from the goose barnacle (no relation).

What even are barnacles????? We just don't know.

[fae-of-the-rose]

I’m gonna need an internet historian to compile this wild Nier Automata Church Saga once it’s all said and done this is just bonkers like. whatever it ends up being it needs to be preserved as both a wild time and also a prime example of the DrakeNier fandom and how willing we are to like. accept this shit

[gothie-coffee]

They could be the next tumblr sexy men but y’all are COWARDS

[zeroducks-2]

Fandom these days is wild.

I remember how Jaydick used to be the go to vanilla, childhood-crush-to-lovers soft ship for young, first time shippers that wanted something simple and completely unproblematic.

Now going by the general consensus if you ship Jaydick you're a fucking freak of nature and you should repent or burn in hell.

[the-witchhunter]

DP x DC: True Love’s Kiss

loosely inspired by the Princess and the Frog, but more inspired by Comet the Super Horse, Supergirl’s oft forgotten “pet”

And by “pet” I mean Comet isn’t a kryptonian horse, he’s a fucking centaur named Biron cursed by a witch to switch between forms that also gave him superpowers. Might not have been a curse, but still oddly specific considering he was just her horse for a while and also in love with her I think?? Also a member of the Legion of Super-Pets. 

So LET’S DO THAT TO DANNY(kind of)

So the legend of the church Grim, is that it’s a protective spirit of sorts guarding churches and cemeteries, taking the form of a large black dog with red eyes. 

So, one of the various witches, warlocks, occultists or sorcerers managed to bind Danny, to guard... something. Danny isn’t quite the normal type of spirit and frankly the person clearly messed something up. The result?

Danny is stuck in the form of a black dog with access to some of his powers. Frankly, they seem suspiciously like Krypto’s powers... The League suspects Lex Luthor experimented with cloning Krypto, and Superboy get’s a superpowered pet of his own. 

Danny and Kon? The best of friends. They’re practically glued at the hip, where kon goes, Danny goes. Suddenly, being a dog isn’t all that bad. Sure, there’s the can’t talk or order fast food, but Kon feed’s him a lot more “people food” than he should when Ma Kent isn’t looking, and the dog food they get is surprisingly tasty. It’s fun wrestling with Kon, and Kon gives the best belly rubs. They take on bad guys together go on adventures, and it’s a surprisingly enjoyable life.

The one day, snuggled up in Kon’s bed ready to got to sleep, Kon just smooches his dog on the head, and *POOF*

Kon’s dog just transformed into a man his age, who is currently naked and in his bed.

[dykedvonte]

Also show Mr. House looks like a raging homosexual and smokes that cigarette like he’s what the British call cigs too.

[mariejordans]

limoreau au ideas that i crave

1. ballet au—i’m thinking something like marie as the new ballerina in a ballet company and jordan as one of the veteran principal dancers who always gets cast for supporting roles, but never main bc management/casting is never quite sure how to cast them bc of their gender identity (bc management and casting are cowards basically) even though they’re one of the best dancers in the company (and everyone knows it.) so they’re always put in side roles that are comedic or gender-neutral (such as puck in a midsummer night’s dream or mercutio in romeo and juliet) and they’re like, SO frustrated, bc they want to be THE star, not just a side character. and so the end jordan’s contract is coming to an end soon and they’re very unsure if they’ll get a renewal, while marie is on a one year contract, so it’s also up in the air whether hers will be renewed too.

and then one day jordan and marie are randomly paired together for pas de deux (maybe it’s for a rehearsal or class/warm-up) and everyone is just floored by the instant chemistry and they end up getting cast in a brand new contemporary ballet set to premiere the following season bc the choreographer (i’m thinking maybe victoria?) just happens to also witness them and is inspired so much that they end up largely influencing the choreography and roles end up being specifically made for them.

and management is like, kinda nervous to allow them to be cast bc marie is like this freshly new ballerina who was just hired and is pretty much a rookie in all aspects, and they’re still worried about jordan’s marketability and such, but victoria vouches for them and fights super hard, so basically they can’t fuck it up at all bc it might be their only chance to really prove themselves and get their contract renewal.

and like the company is also putting on this super classic ballet (very much the opposite of the contemporary, which is very intense and sensual and dark) starring their two most popular principal dancers (luke and cate probs) and its very much implied that this new ballet has to perform as well as, if not better, than the classic ballet in order to secure their contract renewals. and so they really have to work together and help each other out so that they can both prove themselves.

also marie and jordan kinda hate each other at first bc like, marie was actually a big fan of jordans pre-getting into the company and were super excited to meet them until she finds out that jordan almost cost her a spot in the company, bc they just so happened to have seen her audition and mentioned to brink (who was on the auditioning panel) that she seemed too inexperienced and “not ready” etc etc (he ended up getting outvoted anyway bc the rest of the panel liked her) and so they basically can’t stand each other, which only makes the chemistry THAT more intense and palpable.

2. camp counselors au—marie and jordan are camp counselors at a vought summer camp for supe children. they both know each other vaguely from god u, specifically from an end of semester party where the two hooked up and had a one night stand. and so they are both totally shocked to see that the other is also working at the summer camp and the tension is still off the charts, but here’s the catch: there’s no fraternization policy between counselors, and if you’re caught hooking up with another counselor, you’re basically sent home.

and so, neither jordan or marie can afford to be sent home, so they really try to be “just friends” at first, but they just can’t stay away from one another, so there’s a LOT of sneaking around, stolen kisses and secret hook-ups. they eventually get caught at some point but like they just get slap on the wrist and sent back to their stations (apparently so many other people have broken the no fraternization rule it happens so often and they can’t fire everyone.)

the entire gang is also there (emma, cate, and marie share a cabin while luke, andre, sam, and jordan share another.) marie is in charge of arts and crafts, while jordan is a lifeguard (lifeguard jordan does things to me omg)

(also this plot is very much inspired by wildfire by hannah grace)

3. royalty au—just, this entire thread. it’s so perfect.

4. gossip girl/rich kids au—marie as a transfer student on scholarship to this very exclusive fancy boarding school. she’s there for one reason, and one reason only: to study, make valedictorian, and get into her dream university, [insert ivy league school here.] she quickly encounters the richest kids in school, a clique made up of luke riordan, andre anderson, cate dunlap, and, of course, jordan li. luke, andre, and cate warm up to marie pretty quickly, but jordan is very cold towards marie for no reason, and she doesn’t know why. but it doesn’t even matter, bc soon she realizes her biggest competition for valedictorian is jordan themself, and the two have their little academic rivals to lovers arc.

also, emma is marie’s boarding school roommate who mostly stays on the outskirts of the social scene (she’s happy to observe) but also always know all the gossip and the drama happening. and if it’s a true gossip girl au, someone like sam ends up being gossip girl lmao.

5. childhood friends au—basically canon but if marie and jordan had been as childhood best friends. like they used to live in the same neighborhood and would often play together as children, their parents were all friends; they were basically inseparable. and then when they started school, they would ride the bus together, they would do homework together. and marie being the first person to know about jordan’s powers and was there when they manifested, and was the first person to fully accept not only just their powers, but their identity as well.

but then marie’s dad gets a job offer in a different city, a different state, and at twelve and fourteen years old, the two are ripped apart for the first time. they promise to email each other everyday, and they do for two years straight until marie stops emailing one day. and jordan keeps trying to contact her, emails her constantly, tries for about a year until they give up. and they’re So angry at marie, bc it’s like they’ve been abandoned yet again. they’re So deeply hurt and betrayed. they tell themselves they don’t need her and they should just forget about her and they almost succeed.

they’ve almost managed to completely forget the best friend they’ve ever had until her application shows up in the crime-fighting applications database thing (or whatever its called idk.) and they’re like, just stunned, because as far as they were aware, marie was not a supe, and she had pretty much ceased to exist outside of distant memories from their childhood. and even then, it’s still as if she doesn’t exist, with her non-existent social media presence, and no experience in crime-fighting whatsoever.

and so they reject her application, bc of her lack of qualifications, because they weren’t prepared for her to exist to them again. they had just gotten used to her absence, and it still hurt them so bad that she had forgotten them so quickly. and even though they would hardly admit it, a part of them was trying to protect her, though from what exactly, they couldn’t say.

meanwhile, marie had been forced to stop emailing once she arrived at red river. and to be honest, even if she could, she doesn’t think she could’ve continued to email jordan like everything was fine. and so she cut off contact completely, even though it hurt her so much.

around the age of 16/17, marie realized she needed a plan to get out of red river. getting adopted was so unlikely, and she couldn’t stomach the thought of elmira. and then she saw jordan’s face on a brochure for a godolkin university and a plan begins to form in her mind. and when she gets the email that she’s been offered a full ride to god u, she finally lets herself hope. not only for future where she’s successful and her sister forgives her, but also that maybe jordan still remembers her and maybe they’ll be able to pick up where they left off all those years ago.

and marie is so disappointed that she let herself hope for that when she finally comes face to face with her old best friend years later and finds that they want nothing to do with her.

[marsixm]

also i know google kinda sucks now but its melting my brain that people act like chat gpt is anything other than like. summarizing research into poorly written paragraphs? like? this is stuff you could have just googled, actually, genuinely. its not... its not some magic new information or insight. youre just being paraphrased to. i feel like im losing my mind

[bitchapalooza]

If Lord Death really did make Kid exactly like a child then I think these are things Lord Death would have had to say and/or do while Kid grew up

“Isn’t this fun, Kiddo? Don’t you want to go play on the slides too— STOP TRYING TO EAT THE ROCKS??????”

***

“Where do babies come from? Er, well, you see… Oh look at that, it’s Mr. Spirit with Maka! Why don’t you two go play! …….hey, Spirit, where the hell do human babies come from?”

***

“Kid, would you mind telling Mr. Sid what you just told me?”

*absolute toddler gibberish*

“What?”

“Yeah I know! Who knew toddlers were so bad at speaking!”

*more toddler nonsense*

“Haha, right you are, son! You tell ‘em!”

***

“Now Kid, what do we say to Mr. Sid?”

“You’re gonna die one day.”

“Uh. No. It’s. It’s thank you. We say thank you after we are given a cookie, Kid.”

***

“Father, I’m getting married. Come by the playground at four.”

“Oh my! What an occasion! Who’s the lucky fellow!”

“It’s Mr. Beary. If anyone asks, it’s not for the tax write off. It’s genuine love and stuff.”

“Ah— wait. Where did you learn about tax write offs? And that’s not how those work. Kid, you’re nine, who taught you what a tax write off was???”

***

“Father! Father! I lost my toof!”

“Uh. Kid, sweetie, that’s not possible. Shinigami don’t lose teeth like humans do. We don’t even have baby teeth. What do you mean by you lost a tooth?”

*opens his hands to reveal several teeth, he’s smiling showing off the large gap in the front, missing about 3 teeth*

“Those….. Those won’t grow back…. Those won’t grow back….”

“A kid with weird blue hair hit me a baseball bat! He said he was sorry and that I was lucky because the toof fairy was gonna give me money for them. So how much can I get for 3 teef anyway?”

*Death silently sits down, head in hands as he attempts to process what the fuck his son just said*

[bsd-verse]

"You and I are destined to-"

UHM EXCUSE FKIN ME, TO WHAT EXACTLY???!?! i swear to God dazai you arent going anywhere without finishing your goddamn sentence!!!

[rmblythe7]

Seriously though, congrats to Jonah Hauer King on being the first Disney prince to have a song that didn’t make me cringe and reach for the skip button

[chopshajen]

2-5.

I am obsessed with the Trickster and will be for another billion years cuz I got to see the show again 💫 I doodled this on the plane on the way back, and as I am locked in an unending battle with the stupid nontraditional cut of the Trickster’s suit, it took some futzing before I liked it enough to post but here we gooooo

[jewishbarbies]

there were so many things leftists could’ve boycott businesses over on this large of a scale but they waited until innocent Israelis were massacred horrifically and they needed to prove that it didn’t matter

[justhereforshtsngiggless]

JJK is literally worse than me being an orphan.

[kaythefloppa]

The holy trinity of PBS Kids Evil Inventors

[spacedace]

Reading the Batman wiki to get a little more insight on things I've heard about in fandom/figure out what comics I need to read is wild because I just glance through an article and the wildest shit will be dropped with no further explanation.

Why are so many people pretending to be other people? Why is everyone faking their death? Why did the wiki feel the need to specify that the batarangs were shaped like an R?

Reading an overview of all these big plot points in the wiki causes the Benny Hill theme to play in my head as there's a rapid fire jump between He's alive! He's Dead! He faked being dead! He's actually dead! He's not actually dead! He's stuck in the time stream!

I know all of this happened over the course of several issues and much slower with much more detail and weight to it all, it's just a delightful whiplash to read the overview in the wiki lol