#Single Review: Killer of Killers

[thesinglesjukebox]

THE KILLERS - "BRIGHT LIGHTS"

It's up to us now to turn on the bright lights...

[5.50]

Jonathan Bradley: Las Vegas, a mish-mash of anachronism and garish mythology. Wandering the Mojave Desert, Oedipus strikes upon the Luxor Casino, outside which stands a 106-foot high Sphinx. The monster threatens to devour our hero unless he answers a riddle. What goes as Simon Le Bon in the morning, Bruce Springsteen at noon, and Meat Loaf at night? Why it's Brandon Flowers, says Oedipus, and the beast is defeated. [6]

Alfred Soto: The Killers released an album in 2021. I didn't know -- until I remembered my review. When Brandon Flowers's got his dick stuck in his pants and he yells about highways of rebel diamonds and imploding mirages he sounds ridiculous and totally himself; when he insists on the midtempo plod and his doggerel is crisply sung he's another Las Vegas entertainer cracking his voice through "Born to Run." [5]

Jeffrey Brister: Yes, I am also familiar with the works of one Bruce Springsteen, and his compatriots, The E Street Band. One of the things that makes his music so good is not just the explosive wall of sound he and his band can generate (“Bright Lights” demonstrates this aspect to a serviceable degree), but also in his lyrics, which convey vivid emotions and a sense of place, history, context. They are specific. They don’t feel like placeholders or shortcuts to emotional resonance or easy references that confuse knowledge with pathos. They blew up the Chicken Man in Philly last night! The screen door slams, Mary’s dress sways like a vision! Adam raised a Cain! This particular point is even more important if you are attempting to mimic his vocal mannerisms and tone. All that does is make people who are familiar with and have a deep love of The Boss want to hear the real thing, which is actually pretty easy, given that Springsteen is experiencing a late-career runner of two good albums in 2019 and 2020. This aping felt cute in 2006, but now it just feels like cover-band-calibre stuff. [4]

Harlan Talib Ockey: It feels almost unfair to fault the Killers for sounding too much like Springsteen, since they've released countless Springsteen pastiches over the years, but this one is unusually shallow. While it's a competent Springsteen impression, it's unclear what the Killers have added to make this song worth listening to rather than, say, actual Springsteen. The lyrics are a half-formed scenario that seems to be missing a narrative, a plot twist, or a point. Incidentally, though, they describe a rock star retreating to familiar territory. [4]

Nortey Dowuona: Sheree Brown got one hit around 1981 that apparently Brandon Flowers heard on his way back from the hospital, thus her turning up to turn out this very good Meat Loaf hit in the bridge. Worth it.  [8]

Ian Mathers: You just know Brandon Flowers did one of these when he realized just how many manly men would get faraway looks in their eyes at "there are things I would change but it ain't worth going through," and I say that with tremendous affection for him and this song. America's greatest Vegas band has only become more endearing as Flowers continues to animorph into a Springsteen/Elvis hybrid; ramping up the sonic bombast to match (those backing singers!) is a smart move. This is not at all what I thought the Killers would one day sound like when I was blasting the synth hook of "Smile Like You Mean It" at max volume back in the day. But damn it, for a minute there when Flowers insists that he thinks it's gonna be awright tonight, he makes me believe that he's right. [10]

Taylor Alatorre: A [6] if I close my eyes and imagine I'm hearing the Gaslight Anthem at their most fame-hungry and least Catholic-coded; [4] once I glance at the cover art and implode the mirage. [4]

Mark Sinker: The specifics, basically, of space opera: it didn’t have to real to be evocative and to connect, and outside a narrow span of New Jersey streets you likely had no idea what Springsteen meant, or if it even meant anything. “Fuelie heads and a hurst on the floor,” or whatever the hell it was: this fine and silly Tolkien street-gibberish that could lock you deep into what was very often — for you if not for Bruce — the purest pretend. Wrapped in goofy palatial grandeur, it was just fun and funny to say, and that was such a beginning. I don’t want to begrudge The Killers looking to centre their version of the same trick around Las Vegas — there’s entertainment in the idea and the trying, and even in making it more trashy and plastic and see-thru — but I honestly have no idea what it is I’m meant to be locking into here. It feels quarter-finished.  [4]

Katherine St. Asaph: The Killers, despite what the nostalgia-account-industrial complex reposts at you, are not universally seen as iconic (as my boyfriend pointed out, bemused, after hearing "Mr. Brightside" at a wedding and being moved to nothing). I will summon Killers icon-nostalgia in apropos situations (e.g., post-tweenage headbanging breaking out at a wedding), but it's borrowed and not strong. So maybe I'm not the most sympathetic listener when I put this on and hear a band that sounds completely washed. The sequins have fallen to the floor, smudged by shoes, glam only in past. [3]

Scott Mildenhall: You can't have your soul sucked by AI if you're already your own malfunctioning LLM. This is actually what now happens when you prompt Brandon Flowers to "play the Brightside song". And if you're asking the question, you may well still be happy with the answer, and the next answer, and the one after that. No wiring has ever been harder or more existentially attached. The Killers know that everything is the same, and everything is different -- and that that's where the joy is. [7]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[on-the-clear-blue]

(Inspired by @batarangsoundsdumb and their post about Dami leaving reviews on kidnapping)

(What is the other batfams response to this? They go and do it themselves as well)

Tim: They were surprisingly nice? One guy played cards with me, meh food tho, getting kidnapped seriously makes me hungry, a single snack pack isn't enough. 2/5 would have gotten a 3 if they gave me a juice box.

Dick: I have been kidnapped around 8 or 9 times a year since I was taken in by Bruce. These guys were amateurs! Didn't even tie my hands, just kept a gun on me, didn't take my phone from me, and barely moved me from where they picked me up! They get a 2/5 simply because they gave me Bat burger when I said I was hungry.

Jason: I don't get kidnapped as much as Dick, I get the mean ones, fuckers snapped my God damn fingers and then locked me in a cell, then only gave me bread and water for two days straight....4/5.

Damain: I am disappointed in these criminals. They managed to get the drop on me and went further to squander that achievement, I was not tortured nor was I starved, nor was I hand cuffed to a radiator and left to spoil, no I was taken to a well-furnished warehouse that held a living space that was both comfortable and warm, I was given vegan and organic foods...1/5 for the soul reason of them obeying me dietary habits, if not for that it would 0/5.

Duke: Okay, so like, long time kidnapping watcher first time kidnapee, um was decent, I think? Kinda just got a brick to the back of the head and woke up in some guy's house? His kid was chill, hope she gets a good place to stay (stares into camera as if it was Bruce) anyway, his wife was not happy about this, but I got killer Mac and cheese, I would say better than Alfred's because she used hot sauce as a base, outta all of this, 3/5 I still have a concussion.

Cass: I have never been kidnapped.

Steph: lol I kidnapped Tim

[seat-safety-switch]

In my town, there are a surprising number of people who have been killed by leprechauns. Whenever I travel, I always ask folks: how many did the Lucky Charms guy "get" here? After some confusion, the answer is always zero, and I could never figure out what was going on.

Now, I'd traveled to some shitholes on business, back when I had a real job and hiring managers didn't spontaneously combust upon reviewing my resume. Akron, Ohio. Dayton, Ohio. Toledo, Ohio. Columbus, Ohio. None of these places had feral fae coming out of the woodwork and slaughtering innocent folks in the woods. Not a single one. So there had to be something wrong with where I lived.

Fearful of death, I constructed in my place a homunculus: an artificial human. This crude replica, soulless and doomed to a short life of excruciating pain, would travel into the woods in my stead and collect valuable data vis-a-vis leprechaun-being-killed-by. A lot of people ask about this part, and honestly it's one of those things you just can't teach. You either know or you don't know how to fabricate a lifelike humanoid that will learn unimaginable suffering for little reason other than idle curiosity about where all those football players went to that one year.

Anyway, after only a few dozen attempts, I was able to at least figure out the general geographic area where the leprechaun lived. Sure, I had to go through a lot of curses, blood sacrifices, and expired luncheon meat, but it was all worth it in the end. Got a show on Discovery Channel about the whole deal. The only stipulation in their contract was that I can never reveal the truth about the leprechauns, because then folks would stop watching.

So come and check me out at 9pm (8 central) as I attempt to figure out a small, but tantalizing, truth about the Ethereal Killers Beyond Our Realm. We're also going to restore and paint a 1988 Lincoln Continental for a celebrity.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Kickstarting the Red Team Blues audiobook, which Amazon won't sell (read by Wil Wheaton!)

Red Team Blues is my next novel, a post-cyberpunk anti-finance finance thriller; it’s a major title for my publishers Tor Books and Head of Zeus, and it’s swept the trade press with starred reviews all ‘round. Despite all that, Audible will not sell the audiobook. In fact, Audible won’t sell any of my audiobooks. Instead, I have to independently produce them and sell them through Kickstarter:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/red-team-blues-another-audiobook-that-amazon-wont-sell

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/21/anti-finance-finance-thriller/#marty-hench

Audible is Amazon’s monopoly audiobook platform. It has a death-grip on the audiobook market, commanding more than 90% of genre audiobook sales, and every single one of those audiobooks is sold with Amazon’s DRM on it. That means that you can’t break up with Amazon without throwing away those audiobooks. Under the 1998 Digital Millennium Copyright Act, I can’t give you a tool to convert my own copyrighted audiobooks to a non-Amazon format. Doing so is a felony carrying a five year prison sentence and a $500,000 fine for an act that in no way infringes anyone’s copyright! Indeed, merely infringing copyright is much less illegal than removing Amazon’s mandatory DRM from my own books!

I’ve got amazing publishers who support my crusade against DRM, but they’re not charities. If they can’t sell my audiobooks on the platform that represents 90% of the market, they’re not going to make audio editions at all. Instead, I make my own audiobooks, using brilliant voice actors like Amber Benson and @neil-gaiman​, and I sell them everywhere except Audible.

Doing this isn’t cheap: I’m paying for an incredible studio (Skyboat Media), a world-class director (Gabrielle de Cuir), top-notch sound editing and mastering, and, of course, killer narrators. And while indie audiobook platforms like Libro.fm and downpour.com are amazing, the brutal fees extracted by Apple and Google on app sales means that users have to jump through a thousand hoops to shop with indie stores. Most audiobook listeners don’t even know that these stores exist: if a title isn’t available on Audible, they assume no audiobook exists.

That’s where Kickstarter comes in: twice now, I’ve crowdfunded presales of my audiobooks through KS, and these campaigns were astoundingly successful, smashing records and selling thousands of audiobooks. These campaigns didn’t just pay my bills (especially during lockdown, when our household income plunged), but they also showed other authors that it was possible to evade Amazon’s monopoly chokepoint and sell books that aren’t sticky-traps for Audible’s walled garden/prison:

https://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/columns-and-blogs/cory-doctorow/article/90282-we-wrote-a-book-about-why-audible-won-t-sell-our-book-and-snuck-it-onto-audible.html

And today, I’m launching the Kickstarter for Red Team Blues, and even by the standards of my previous efforts, I think this one’s gonna be incredible.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/red-team-blues-another-audiobook-that-amazon-wont-sell

For starters, there’s the narrator: @wilwheaton​, whose work on my previous books is outstanding, hands-down my favorite (don’t tell my other narrators! They’re great too!):

https://wilwheaton.net/

Beyond Wil’s narration, there’s the subject matter. The hero of Red Team Blues is a hard-charging forensic accountant who’s untangled every Silicon Valley finance scam since he fell in love with spreadsheets as as a MIT freshman, dropped out, got his CPA ticket, and moved west. Now, at the age of 67, Marty Hench is ready to retire, but a dear old friend — a legendary cryptographer — drags him back for one last job — locating the stolen keys to the backdoor he foolishly hid in a cryptocurrency that’s worth more than a billion dollars.

That’s the starting gun for a “grabby next-Tuesday thriller” that sees Marty in between three-letter agencies and international crime syndicates, all of whom view digital technology as a carrier medium for scams, violence and predation. Marty’s final adventure involves dodgy banks, crooked crypto, and complicit officials in a fallen paradise where computers’ libertory promise has been sucked dry by billionaire vampires.

It’s a pretty contemporary story, in other words.

I wrote this one before SVB, before Sam Bankman0Fried and FTX — just like I wrote Little Brother before Snowden’s revelations. It’s not that I’m prescient — fortune-telling is a fatalist’s delusion — it’s that these phenomena are just the most spectacular, most recent examples in a long string of ghastly and increasingly dire scandals.

Red Team Blues blasted out of my fingertips in six weeks flat, during lockdown, when technology was simultaneously a lifeline, connecting us to one another during our enforced isolation; and a tool of predatory control, as bossware turned our “work from home” into “live at work.”

The last time I wrote a book that quickly, it was Little Brother, and, as with Little Brother, Red Team Blues is a way of working out my own anxieties and hopes for technology on the page, in story.

These books tap into a nerve. I knew I had something special in my hands when, the night after I finished the first draft, I rolled over at 2AM to find my wife sitting up in bed, reading.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I had to find out how it ended,” she answered.

The next day, my editor sent me a four-line email:

That. Was. A! Fucking! Ride! Whoa!

Within a week, he’d bought Red Team Blues…and two sequels. I finished writing the second of these on Monday, and all three are coming out in the next 22 months. It’s gonna be a wild ride.

Kickstarter backers can get the usual goodies: DRM-free audiobooks and ebooks, hardcovers (including signed and personalized copies), and three very special, very limited-run goodies.

First, there’s naming rights for characters in the sequels — I’m selling three of these; they’re a form of cheap (or at least, reasonably priced) literary immortality for you or a loved one. The sequels are a lot of fun — they go in reverse chronology, and the next one is The Bezzle, out in Feb 2024, a book about prison-tech scams, crooked LA County Sheriff’s Deputy gangs, and real-estate scumbags turned techbros.

The third book is Picks and Shovels (Jan 2025), and it’s Marty’s first adventure after he comes west to San Francisco and ends up working for the bad guys, an affinity scam PC company called “Three Wise Men” that’s run by a Mormon bishop, a Catholic priest and an orthodox rabbi who fleece their faithful with proprietary, underpowered computers and peripherals, and front for some very bad, very violent money-men.

Next, there’s three Marty Hench short story commissions: the Hench stories are machines for turning opaque finance scams into technothrillers. While finance bros use MEGO (“my eyes glaze over”) as a weapon to bore their marks into submission, I use the same performative complexity as the engines of taut detective stories. Commissioning a Hench story lets you turn your favorite MEGO scam into a science fiction story, which I’ll then shop to fiction websites (every story I’ve written for the past 20 years has sold, though in the event that one of these doesn’t, I’ll put it up under a CC license).

Finally, there’s a super-ultra-limited deluxe hardcover edition — and I do mean limited, just four copies! These leather-bound editions have Will Staehle’s fantastic graphic motif embossed in their covers, and the type design legend John D Berry is laying out the pages so that there’s space for a hidden cavity. Nestled in that cavity is a hand-bound early draft edition of The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues. The binding is being done by the fantastic book-artist John DeMerritt. Each copy’s endpapers will feature a custom cryptographic puzzle created especially for it by the cryptographer Bruce Schneier.

I often hear from readers who want to thank me for the work I do, from the free podcast I’ve put out since 2006 to the free, CC BY columns I’ve written for Pluralistic for the past three years. There is no better way to thank me than to back this Kickstarter and encourage your friends to do the same:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/red-team-blues-another-audiobook-that-amazon-wont-sell

Preselling a ton of audiobooks, ebooks, and print books is a huge boost to the book on its launch — incomparable, really. Invaluable.

What’s more, helping me find a viable way to produce popular, widely heard audiobooks without submitting to Amazon’s DRM lock-in sets an example for other creators and publishers: we have a hell of a collective action problem to solve, but if we could coordinate a response to Audible demanding the right to decide whether our work should have their DRM, it would force Audible to treat all of us — creators, publishers and listeners — more fairly.

I’ll be heading out on tour to the US, Canada, the UK and Germany once the book is out. I’m really looking forward to as many backers in person as I can! Thank you for your support over these many long years — and for your support on this Kickstarter.

Today (Mar 22), I’m doing a remote talk for the Institute for the Future’s “Changing the Register” series.

[Image ID: A graphic showing a phone playing the Red Team Blues audiobok, along with a quote from Booklist, 'Jam-packed with cutting-edge ideas about cybersecurity and crypto. Another winner from an sf wizard.']

[on-my-vigilante-sht]

Moving on to You

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Summary: Aaron finally tells his longtime crush about his feelings when he almost loses her (Sequel to Move On)

Warning: jealousy, pining, awkward dates, canon level violence, non-accurate medical stuff

Word Count: 4.5K

Masterlist

A/N I've had this in my drafts for months and I finally decided to finish and publish it per request

Aaron Hotchner is the definition of levelheaded. He’s renowned in the FBI not only for his success rate at catching criminals but also for his professionalism. And snapping a pencil with his fist whilst staring at his subordinate through his office window as she smiled up at an unknown agent was incredibly unprofessional. He knew this wasn’t the first man she had gotten to know over the past year but this was the first time he was forced to actually witness her flirting with another man.

He knew he had no right to be jealous, their relationship had never progressed beyond friendly in the year that Y/N had been on the team. Still he couldn’t help but feel the slight clench of pain in his chest every time he saw her smile at her phone or overheard one of her conversations with another team member about a new guy.

Nonetheless his professionalism prevailed as he began to review potential cases. He noted one regarding a serial killer just outside of DC, setting it aside to pass onto Garcia.

~

The next morning the team was assembled in the conference room as Penelope relayed the information about a killer who had been targeting strippers. Although Aaron’s attention was on Y/N as he observed her clearly exhausted body language. Probably a date night with that agent, he thought cynically.

Soon enough Penelope was done speaking. “We’ll head out in 30. Meet in the garage then,” he ordered as the rest of the team. He was headed out towards his office when he stopped as he heard Morgan’s voice.

“Up late with the new boy toy?” Derek teased.

“I guess you could say that,” Y/N answered casually. “I’m not seeing him anymore.”

“Wait why?” JJ asked suddenly. Similar to what Aaron wanted to ask.

He was still turned away from the group but Aaron could practically hear Y/N’s shrug. “Just weren’t clicking anymore.”

“What was he into something weird? Like a foot fetish?” Derek asked with full seriousness.

Y/N laughed. “I’m not answering that.”

“So he was!” Derek shouted as she passed Aaron down to the bullpen.

The rest filed out of the conference room as Aaron continued to pretend to be busy with the file. “She’s single again,” Rossi sung quietly.

“I am aware and I don’t see how that affects me,” Aaron tried to deflect.

“Oh come on, I see the way you watch her. I also noticed a broken pencil in your trash can. Did you Hulk-out when you saw her with that agent yesterday?”

“Wait why were you in my office?”

“Doesn’t matter. The point is she’s single, you’re single, and you’ve been in love with her for the past year-”

“No I haven’t,” Aaron suddenly cut in, sounding like a teenage girl. He cleared his throat. “I’m not in love with her. Besides she’s my subordinate-”

“And you don’t want anyone to think she’s on the team for the wrong reason blah, blah, blah,” Rossi finished. “You said that a year ago. Besides, at this point, no one would think that. You deserve to be happy, Aaron. Get out there and get the girl!”

With those words Dave left, leaving Aaron in his thoughts. Could they actually be together? Would she even want him?

He pushed those thoughts aside, getting ready to head out with the rest of his team. Including the girl who consumed his every thought.

~

“I’m SSA Hotchner, these are SSAs Jareau, Morgan, Rossi, L/N, Prentiss, and Dr. Reid,” Aaron introduced his team to the town’s sheriff.

“We appreciate you guys coming so fast. The people here aren’t used to this type of crime,” Sheriff Osborne explained, leading the feds through the police station.

Aaron tried to listen to the sheriff’s information but rather he was keenly aware of all the police officers stares. Pushing through it, the agents followed the sheriff into a conference room that would serve as their setup.

“Alright, JJ and Reid, head to the medical examiner. We need to figure out what exactly he’s doing to these girls. Morgan and I will go to the clubs these girls were working, see if there was anyone who stuck out to the other dancers. Rossi and Prentiss, head to the most recent crime scene. L/N, I want you to work on the geographical profile,” Aaron ordered.

That last order raised an eyebrow for everyone on the team. “But… Reid usually does the geographical profile,” Y/N suggested gently, a confused twinge in her voice.

“Yes, well since it seems you can’t stop talking about your personal life I figured it’d be best if you work alone for a little while.” The second those words left Aaron’s mouth he instantly regretted them. Y/N looked taken aback by his rude words but having never questioned his authority she just lowered her gaze to the ground. Looking around the other members of his team looked aghast at his words too. Aaron’s soft spot for the newest agent had been noticed by everyone on the team (except of course the agent in question) so seeing him be so outrightly rude was jarring. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, especially not humiliate her in front of the team, but he was so frustrated having to hear the others question Y/N on her love life around the office and in the car.

Seeing that he shouldn’t continue barking orders, Aaron turned to exit the room, the rest following. Unseen by him was every member of the team giving Y/N sympathetic looks.

Once buckled inside their SUV, Morgan began to question his boss. “What was that with L/N back there? We all talk about our personal lives all the time and it’s never affected our work, Y/N included.”

Aaron sighed, really not having a good reason for his outburst. “She brought that agent into our office unauthorized. He shouldn’t have even had access to our floor.”

“So you yell at her a day later in front of an entire precinct?”

“Morgan, drop it,” Aaron said sternly, not wanting to continue this. Seeing as there was no point in continuing, Derek kept his mouth shut but the ride to the club was tense the rest of the way.

~

“Hey, sorry about your boss,” a voice interrupted Y/N’s intense concentration on the map in front of her. She whipped her head around to look at him, a little startled. Seeing her alarm the young officer took a step back. “Didn’t mean to scare you, just thought you might like some coffee.”

“Hmm? Oh! Thanks,” she said, her brain catching up to his words. She took the coffee gratefully, taking a sip. It was made wrong but not wanting to seem ungrateful she gave the officer a smile.

“Thought you could use it after your boss treated you so badly,” the officer empathized.

Y/N sucked in a breath. “You saw that, huh?”

“I think everyone saw it,” the officer chuckled awkwardly. “I’m Officer Olson, but you can call me Cole.” Y/N took a second to observe the man. He wasn’t necessarily her type, her having a thing for the dark, brooding types, but he was certainly attractive.

“Agent Y/N L/N,” she introduced.

“So what are you working on, Agent Y/N L/N?” he asked, saying her name flirtatiously.

She let out a small laugh at his tone. “Um it’s called a geographical profile. We take every significant location like homes, workplaces, abduction sights, crime scene, disposal sights, etc. to get an idea of these killers comfort zones. Which often leads us to where they will either strike next, where they live or work, or what their holding place might be in cases where victims are abducted.”

“Wow, this profiling stuff is crazy. I’ve heard you guys can tell someone’s entire life story from just one look,” he teased.

“I don’t know about that but yeah, you can learn a lot about a person from just a conversation if you pay close attention.”

“What can you tell about me?”

Y/N looked him up and down. His body language screamed that he was interested in her but she didn’t want to embarrass him too much. “You have the confidence of a youngest son and let me guess, you were in a frat in college?” The officer blushed, surprised she sussed that out so quickly. “You’re here as an officer for glory and you got it, the people here already admire you. You actually got the chance to move onto something bigger, probably DC, but it’s easier to stand out in your small hometown.” Cole just stared at the pretty FBI agent, slightly mortified that she saw through him so clearly. His first instinct was deny it but something about her made him think twice. She just smirked at his silence. “Gotcha.”

Before Officer Olson could say anything, two other FBI agents walked into the room. “Careful L/N,” Rossi interrupted the pair, “Hotch was pulling up as we walked in.”

“Guess I better go,” Cole said sheepishly. “Nice to meet you Agent Y/N.” She couldn’t help the smile that found it’s way onto her face at the use of her title and first name.

“Damn, already moving onto a different guy?” Emily asked with a chuckle.

“No, he just came in and introduced himself,” Y/N brushed off. Emily and Rossi both just hummed in disagreement.

As the BAU chief walked in he didn’t notice the burning gaze of Officer Olson. What he did notice was the way Y/N seemed to shy away from his very presence. As he stepped into the conference room his heart clenched when she met his gaze but just turned away, busying herself with the board that showed the geographical profile.

~

After a fitful night of regret, Aaron decided to apologize to his young agent in the morning. But as he opened his door to his crappy motel room into the crappy hallway he could hear two voices.

“Thought I’d bring you some coffee that didn’t come from an old police station coffee pot,” a masculine voice flirted.

“Thank you,” came the giggle from Y/N. Aaron practically groaned to himself. This couldn’t be happening again.

“I was wondering… if you’re not too busy,” the voice changed, gaining a nervous lilt, “if you’d like to get dinner with me on a slower night before you and your team leave? I know you’re actively chasing a serial killer so it doesn’t have to be fancy.” The voice seemed to have caught themselves, changing their pitch. “O-or it can be really fancy! Whatever you want! I’m not picky I-”

“I’d love to have dinner with you,” Y/N’s calming voice interrupted, putting the boy out of his misery. “We can do tonight. Just grab something easy and nearby.”

“Ye- yeah, I’d like that.” Aaron internally rolled his eyes at being able to hear the bright smile in this guy’s voice. “I’ll uh see you then.”

“See you later.” Aaron sighed internally, hearing the door to Y/N’s room close softly. She had been single for what? 24hours? And he had still lost his opportunity? Deciding that his emotions were running too high to talk to Y/N right now, he just let his door fall back closed, deciding to just get ready for the day.

~

“When I graduated from the FBI academy I was placed in the Human Resources branch because of my psych degree. Obviously, that wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do so when I heard about an opening in the Behavioral Analysis Unit I jumped at it and fortunately my boss, Hotch, was willing to take a chance on me. Agent Rossi and the rest of the team pretty much taught me everything I know,” Y/N explained as her date stared at her in awe.

“Wow, that’s quite the resume you have,” he chuckled nervously, taking a sip of his drink. “I’ll admit it’s been a long time since I went on a date where the girl’s career was more impressive.” Y/N quirked her eyebrow at that but didn’t say anything. “Not that it’s an issue, just not a lot going on around here.”

She just hummed looking down at her food. She tried to covertly push away the peas in her food, not wanting to insult Cole’s food choice.

There was an awkward beat of silence between the two that was fortunately broken up by Y/N’s phone ringing. She felt a sense of relief reading her boss’ name flash across the screen. “Hey Hotch,” she answered.

“L/N, where are you?” his stern voice cut to the chase.

“Um, this place called Vincent's with Officer Olson. It’s like 15 minutes from the station. Why?”

Aaron pushed through the reoccurring pang in his chest. “Some other officers cornered our unsub, James Stevens, in a strip club. He’s holding five girls hostage inside.”

“Where is it?”

“125 North St. 5 minutes east of you.”

“I’ll be right over,” Y/N quickly cut in.

“L/N, do not engage before the rest of us get there. Got it?”

“Yeah, I understand,” she agreed begrudgingly. She hung up the phone, already collecting her things. “I have to go, the unsub is holding a group of girls hostage inside a club 5 minutes from here.”

“Oh shit,” Cole exclaimed, grabbing his things and leaving some cash on the table. The pair quickly jumped into their respective cars, lights and sirens blaring as they headed to the club.

As soon as Y/N jumped out of the SUV several officers flocked towards her. “Scene is yours agent, what do you want to do?” Sheriff Osborne asked.

“Any shots fired? Do we have confirmation the girls are alive?”

“Snipers have eyes on three of the girls and we have no reason to believe the other two are dead. Upon entering he fired randomly, killing a few patrons per witnesses. Thing is, when he took control he let every man leave but held all the girls.”

“Okay,” she acknowledged, trying to figure out what her next move would be. Based on the profile she knew he was negotiable but if he felt any sort of threat he’d go down guns blazing, taking down anyone he could. “I’m going in to talk to him.”

“I can’t let you do that,” Cole’s voice suddenly interrupted. He had grabbed Y/N’s arm, looking at her with pleading eyes. She just stared at him, confused before sliding her arm out of his grip.

“Agent, shouldn’t you wait for your team?” The sheriff’s voice interrupted the awkward encounter.

“This guy’s going to get more agitated and unstable the longer we wait. I’m going in now,” she said, pulling the gun out of her waistband and handing it to the sheriff. “And don’t let anyone in there until I call for it. We could lose a lot of lives if we spook this guy.”

The sheriff nodded as she approached the door.

~

“Agent L/N is entering the building,” crackled over the radio as Hotch and the rest of the team raced through the streets.

“What?” Aaron’s mind was going a mile a minute. “Repeat that,” he called over the radio.

“Agent L/N has entered the building to begin negotiations,” the police reporter called over the radio again.

Derek stared at the radio in shock from the passenger seat. “Hotch-” he began, wanting to slam his foot on the gas.

“I know,” he said, already pressing the car to go faster than they had been going previously.

They arrived on scene in record time, Hotch barely taking the time to throw the car in park. He was immediately heading for the door, not bothering to get all the information he would normally wait for, too set on getting the woman he was in love with out. “Stop him!” he heard a sudden shout. Several officers flocked to him in an effort to block his path. Whirling around furiously he found a desperate looking sheriff. “Agent L/N said that if anyone goes in there a lot of lives will be lost. And I’m guessing your agent would be one of them.”

Aaron wanted to pull rank and argue but he knew the sheriff was right but he was desperate to get his agent out of there safely.

“I tried to stop her,” an officer interrupted. Aaron recognized the voice from the hallway. All he could muster was an annoyed look before turning his attention back to the sheriff.

“Do we have a line of communication?”

“Yeah, we have Stevens on the phone. No one’s talked in a while though, we’ve just been listening to your agent try to calm him down.”

Soon enough the BAU chief had the phone. “Agent L/N, exit the building, that’s an order.”

It took a second but he got a shaky, “Not gonna happen, Hotch.”

“L/N-”

“You heard the lady,” a new voice cut him off. James Stevens. “She doesn’t want to leave yet. C’mon, let me keep her for a little while longer?” he pleaded sarcastically. “The pretty girls rarely keep their clothes on nowadays. Agent L/N is a breath of fresh air.”

Aaron clenched his jaw at his words. “We can work something out James.” Covering the microphone he leaned over to one of the officers. “Tell the snipers to take the shot of they get it,” he whispered.

“Come on you know there’s no walking out of this a free man, just let us walk out and we’ll talk this out,” he heard Y/N’s voice. There was a minute of silence and Aaron could only imagine what the psychopath inside was doing. “At least let the girls go. I’ll stay, I’ll be your collateral.”

“Agen-” Aaron immediately began to reprimand.

“Shut up!” James shrieked through the phone so loud Aaron had to pull it away. “Fine,” he heard more quietly. “You five, go! You stay.”

Once again Aaron covered the microphone. “As they’re coming out, go.”

~

All the girls started immediately scrambling up, heading for the door. It happened so fast there was hardly time to register it.

The first girl reached the door, wrenching it open. She was immediately met with a wall of SWAT officers. They pressed inside, guns up as the girls shrieked and scrambled away. “No!” Y/N heard herself shout, going towards them. Mistaking her attempt to salvage the situation as an effort to escape, Stevens was on her in a second.

She felt a sharp pain pierce her abdomen as he tackled her to the ground. She then felt him slump against her before being quickly pushed off, a SWAT officer kneeling over her, calling for a medic.

~

“Agent down, agent down,” Aaron heard the report come over the radio. He was immediately tearing away from the phone, running towards the entrance of the club. But Rossi intercepted him before he could go inside.

“I know, I know, I heard,” Dave tried to calm down his friend. “But EMTs just went in and you don’t need to be in the way.” Aaron began to protest but was cut off again. “I know it’s hard to watch the woman you love be hurt again but Y/N will be fine.”

Before Aaron could continue arguing he caught sight of Y/N being rolled out on a gurney. Dave let him go as he followed the EMTs to the ambulance. But before he could climb in the same officer from earlier ran up. “I-I’m her boyfriend,” he explained as he tried to climb up into the ambulance.

With those words Aaron nearly snapped. Despite his insecurity in his place in Y/N’s life, he knew that was a complete fallacy. She would never move that fast with a complete stranger. “Officer,” he caught the young man’s attention.

Cole visibly paled seeing Y/N’s boss. “A-agent Hotchner.”

Satisfied with the boy’s scared shitless expression, Aaron turned back to the EMT’s. “SSA Aaron Hotchner,” he introduced, pulling out his badge. “This is my agent and I will be accompanying her to the hospital.” And with that, he sent Officer Olson one last glare before climbing in.

Upon entering the ambulance the EMT stepped out, shutting the doors. As he took a seat, he realized his agent was still awake, albeit in agony. “Y/N? I’m right here,” he said, taking her blood soaked hand. Her shirt had been removed, allowing him to see the stab wound that had been tightly wrapped with blood soaked bandages. “I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault, Aaron,” she said through gritted teeth, her face twisted in pain as they hit a bump in the road. “I’m so cold an-and tired.”

He couldn’t help but notice the way she said his first name. It was refreshing, almost a relief, to hear his name come from her lips. “Hey, no just stay awake for a little while longer. We’re almost to the hospital.” Y/N just nodded, tears of pain and fear running down her cheeks.

“Why’d you come?” she suddenly asked. “I thought you hated me.”

It physically pained Aaron to hear that. “I’m so sorry I’ve been treating you the way I have on this case. I just couldn’t help but…” Aaron hesitated with the next words. He didn’t want to be vulnerable but she deserved the truth. “…be jealous.”

That took Y/N’s mind off of the pain. “Jealous?”

Aaron hung his head. “Yes, I-I’ve had feelings for you ever since you joined. I understand if you want to take some time away after this or even transfer to another team of your choice. I just thought you were owed an explanation for my behavior.”

“Y-you’ve had feelings for me for that long?”

Aaron squeezed her hand again. “Please don’t make me say it,” he asked but inside, he’d humiliate himself a million times to make up for what he did and earn her affection.

“Just this once,” she requested, tears pricking her eyes, whether from pain or emotion. “I need to be sure it’s not the blood loss.”

Aaron sighed softly, admiring her face. “I’m in love with you. I’ve loved you for the last year.”

“I’ve felt the same about you,” she confessed.

“Say it,” Aaron pressed, his other hand now clutching onto their already joined hands.

“I love you, Aaron.”

A smile tugged at Aaron’s lips. He hadn’t realized how much tension had gathered and with Y/N’s confession it all dispersed. Reaching a hand up to her face he cupped her cheek, tangling his fingertips into her hair. “You’re gonna be okay,” Aaron promised. “You have to be okay.” But he could see her eyes slipping closed and he could feel how clammy her skin was. “You gotta stay awake, sweetheart. C’mon.”

“It hurts,” she groaned through half closed lids.

“I know, you’re almost there.”

~

It took a few hours of surgery and another couple days of rest in the hospital but Agent L/N was finally discharged to go home. Unfortunately, she had to have a caretaker for that period of time. Fortunately, her boss/the man who was in love with her, was more than happy to take responsibility for his agent.

“Almost there,” Aaron tried to soothe a very tired and pained Y/N. Taking a few deep breaths, she found the strength to hobble over to her bed with a lot of support from Aaron.

She let out a groan as Aaron helped settle her on the bed. As he gripped her hand, he couldn’t help but see flashes of blood, remembering that night in the ambulance. “I’m gonna grab your bag from the car. Be right back,” Aaron promised with a peck to her lips.

While grabbing her bag was a legitimate excuse, he really just needed a minute to calm himself down. He needed to remember that Y/N was safe, not lying on a surgical table or in the back of an ambulance bleeding out.

He quickly hurried back into her apartment after grabbing her bag, re-entering the bedroom. “Here you are,” Aaron said, leaning the go-bag up against her dresser which was placed next to the bed. “I guess I’ll um let you rest,” he murmured out awkwardly. As much as he’d rather stay over she probably wanted some time to relax. “Call me if you need anything.”

“Aaron,” her voice interrupted him as he turned towards the door. Pivoting on his heel, he looked back at her. “Can you… um… just stick around for a little while? Every time I closed my eyes when I was alone in the hospital all I could see was him.”

That surprised Aaron a bit but it felt as if his entire being melted. She wanted him to protect her?

“Yeah, of course,” he agreed. There was no place in her bedroom to sit so he settled on the end of the bed. “‘M glad you feel safe with me,” he murmured.

“I do,” she confirmed. “You’re like my personal bodyguard,” she said, recalling memories of him barking orders at doctors when she was in pain or when annoying officers came to visit.

“I’m glad,” he smiled. He helped her settle into a lying position before resuming his place at the foot of the bed, regretfully letting out a yawn. After all, being a personal bodyguard was exhausting.

She noticed his yawn and immediately began demanding he lie down too. “You’ve been up helping me for days. Help me by sleeping now, please.”

“I really don’t want to intrude,” Aaron excused. “You don’t need me accidentally hurting you.”

“You won’t,” she swore. “Please. I’ll feel better knowing you’re resting too.”

Sleeping with her did sound nice. An irrational part of him thinking he could keep her nightmares away by doing so. So he complied, sliding under the covers she had pulled back for him. As he settled, she scooted closer to him as much as her surgical wounds would allow. Until she ended up tucked under his arm, head resting on his shoulder.

“Sleep,” he murmured the order, thumb stroking her cheekbone. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Masterlist

[ashen-char]

dating amber freeman - hcs

ship: amber freeman (scream) x gender neutral reader

warnings: toxic behaviour (jealousy, possessiveness, etc.), swearing, mentions of canon violence/violent tendencies. this is the more tame of the amber hcs though

notes: this took a while! i was debating on whether to do amber during the movie, or a very toxic nsfw leaning take. those will be separate hcs. thanks to @certifiedpuppyslitter for the help! requested here

✦ amber is alone in her old creepy house a lot. she despises how lonely it feels and often has you over to ignore how empty it is

✧ her parents divorced when she was really young, and her dad got custody. a hotshot lawyer, he's always away, and she's always been distant with her step-mom. amber doesn't like letting people get to know her

✧ amber was a total daddy's girl. she loved to argue even as a kid, loving how people would say she's just like him - whip-smart and could win any argument. she even wanted to be a lawyer to be like him

✧ but he was less and less present, and eventually she stopped hoping he'd be around more. stopped trying to impress him, realising that her accomplishments don't mean he'll say he's proud of her

✧ he's always away on business trips which is why she can invite everyone over as much as she does

✧ parties, sleepovers, movie nights, you name it

✧ amber is very lonely deep down. only child, she doesn't let her best friends truly know her

✦ because of her parents, she had to grow up very quickly and take care of herself

✧ so she's got a lot of surprising skills. really self-sufficient. she cooks amazingly, and likes cooking for you because, as she says "cooking for a single person kinda sucks"

✦ she'd scoff if you ever said she was clingy, since amber likes to act all tough and independent

✧ but it's the truth, amber's happiest when you're spending all your time with her

✧ if it can't be in person, she sits in vc with you on discord

✧ whether amber gets to yap away about her beloved horror movies or the latest band she's into, or listening you talk about your day, or even silence

✧ amber just likes that you're there on the other side

✧ and amber loves to sleep on call

✧ she'd get angry when you leave, even if your phone dies, accusing you of leaving her alone

✧ (but she's kinda easy to win back, all you have to do is promise to watch stab with her, or set aside some time to be "all hers")

✦ speaking of discord, let's be real. amber's a loser

✧ she spends her time on reddit and discord, and on occasion places like twitch, tumblr, or 4chan

✧ it's not her fault! she was online at a very young age cause she was so alone

✧ trying to make friends, trying to fill her time so she wasn't so bored, trying to connect with people. amber was totally on omegle as a kid

✧ she's always arguing with strangers on the internet about her stab theories and how bad it's gotten, how derivative the sequels are, or ranking her favourite killers

✧ she's a mod on r/StabUnfiltered, a smaller subreddit off of the main stab one because she kept getting her comments or posts removed there for being too "inflammatory" or even "trolling" for her hot takes

✧ amber would stop in the middle of hooking up because she was bidding on stab memorabilia on ebay

✧ she'd be pissed all day and it'd be because she lost an auction, or some twitter idiot had a bad take on ghostface motives

✦ amber is on letterboxd 24/7, clocking in like it's a job

✧ whenever you two watch a new movie together, best believe amber is reviewing that shit like she's a critic

✧ and you're the type that just enjoys watching movies for the experience. amber absolutely gets heated at you when she asks what you thought about a movie she thinks is 1/5, and yo shrug and go "eh it was fun i guess?"

✧ but amber lets you off the hook when you kiss her and tell her that you enjoyed it because you enjoyed spending time with her

✦ she's also a loser in love. honestly, she's a bit of a simp for you

✧ love is the one thing where she doesn't try to pretend she's tough

✧ amber has these sweet nicknames for you that she peppers in all the time, ranging from babe, love, hun, sweetie

✧ she's pretty touchy. amber holds your hand under tables or under blankets, rubs your back when she passes you, absentmindedly plays with your hair

✧ amber loves teasing her friends about their relationships, like chad and liv's lack of a sex life, but she'll defend you like a knight if they even try to tease her back

✧ and best believe they tease amber about how whipped she is over you

✧ if you invite her somewhere, even when she's hanging with her group, she'll ditch them in an instant (well, not in an instant. she does always tell tara where she's going)

✧ she flips everyone off if they tease her about you, but internally she's smiling. she loves that they talk about you in relation to her, loves being brought up as a couple

✦ you painted the portraits of amber that she has up in her room

✧ by the next time you came over, she already had them hung up on her walls, bragging to her friends that you did them and how talented you are

✦ possessive

✧ when you dress up for her, she shows you she appreciates it

✧ BUT she also doesn't want anyone else to see you like that

✧ she'll whisk her jacket off and drape it over you, insisting that no one else deserves to even look at you

✦ protective af too

✧ she'd wrap her arm tighter around your waist if people are walking too close, with a fierce glare if they almost bump into you

✧ amber would watch your drink like a hawk at parties

✧ she'd insist on going with you to places if you want to go anywhere at night, and she'd definitely tell you to stay over if it was dark out

✦ gets jealous easily

✧ no looking at other girls, no following other girls on social media

✧ you're in for a huge fight if you dm anyone else, even if it was for something fairly innocuous like asking where they got their outfit

✦ oh and she loves to argue. you swear it turns amber on to fight

✧ she jumps at any excuse for it

✧ "why did that girl smile at you? how do you know her?"

✧ "why are you on your phone? i'm literally right here"

✧ she'd accuse you of ignoring or forgetting about her, then give you the silent treatment

✦ amber gets pissed off when you spend too much time with your friends

✧ and honestly, considering how close she is with her friends, it's hypocritical

✧ like, amber still has sleepovers with tara but god forbid you say you're hanging with any of your friends one on one

✧ amber will be at your door in an instant, claiming that you two made plans and that since she's here, she may as well hang out with you two

✦ sometimes, you don't really get why amber likes you

✧ you can't keep up with her horror movie rants like her friends, or even those weirdos she's always arguing with online

✧ like, amber's dream is to go to film school and she's so passionate about it that you wonder what you're even adding when you just go "you'd be amazing, baby" and "that sounds awesome, of course you're gonna make it"

✧ you try to be supportive but you feel bad that you don't really understand her 100% of the time

✦ when you ask her why she chose you, amber looked at you like you were being ridiculous. because the answer is obvious to her

✧ she likes you because you make everything easier. being with you is one of the few things that can make her mind go quiet

✧ like, yeah, she loves horror but even amber can be drained by how obsessed she gets with things

✧ you make her feel normal. you make her want things other than violence and pain

she doesn't want to throw her life away so bad when you two make plans for the future

✧ she admits that you're the reason she even thought about film school in the first place

✦ amber never really thought of life outside of woodsboro until you started bringing up universities, or apprenticeships, what next year could bring

✧ that's the first time amber actually thought about what she wants to do

✧ and she's wicked smart, so you were surprised that she didn't already know what universities she wanted to apply to

✧ AP classes, honor roll, college scholarships, you name it

✧ but when you ask about her plans, amber just shrugs and says she'll go where you end up going

✦ she can feel like a regular girl when she's around you, instead of all the pretending she normally does

✧  cheesy teenager shit that she always thought she was too good for

✧ dates to the local bowling alley, sneaking out, sharing a shake at the diner, going to the mall, camping, baking brownies for your birthday since she knows you prefer it from cake

✦ with you, amber can feel less damaged. less above it all

✧ she didn't think she was capable of a genuine love like this before you

✧ you make her think that she could be a decent person if she tried, that she's not defined by the monster that she could be

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 70 – American Psycho by Brett Easton Ellis

I’m honestly not sure I ever would have gotten around to reading this on my own, but ended up buying it through the ‘blind date with a book’ thing a bookstore in New York was doing when I was visiting (incredible gimmick, for the record). The fact that it then took me a solid three months to actually finish probably tells you something about how genuinely difficult a read I found it. Not in the sense of being bad, but just legitimately difficult to stomach at points. Overall I’d call it a real triumph of literature.

Not that anyone doesn’t already know, but; the book is spent inside the head of Patrick Bateman, high-flying wall street trader and Harvard blueblood at the close of the Reagan era. Also a serial killer. The story is told as a series of more or less disconnected vignettes, jumping from dinner conversations at one exclusive bar or club or another to the brutal torture and murder of a sex worker to several pages of incredibly vapid pontification on Nina Simone’s discography. The story vaguely tracks Bateman growing ever-more alienated and out of control as the year goes on, but there’s very much not any real single narrative or cathartic climax here. - most stuff just happens (stuff that’s either incredibly tedious or utterly nauseating by turns but still just, stuff).

So yeah this is an intensely literary work (obviously), a word I’m here using to mean one that is as much about the form and style of the writing as about the actual events portrayed. Bateman is a monster, but more than that he’s just an utterly boring and tedious husk of a man, traits which are exaggerated to the point of being fascinating– if you told this story in conventional third person narration without all the weird asides, it would be a) like half as long and b) totally worthless. The tonal whiplash of going from an incredibly visceral depiction of Bateman cutting out the eyes of a homeless man to six (utterly insipid) pages on the merits of The Doors is the selling point here (well actually I think Ellis goes back to that specific well probably one time too many, but in general I mean).

Bateman is a tedious, unstable monster, but as far as the book has an obvious thesis it’s that he differs from the rest of his social milieu only in degree. A symptom of a fundamentally rotten society, not a heroic devil among sheep. The book’s climax, such as it is, involved Bateman getting into a drug-fueled gunfight with the NYPD, shooting multiple people in the middle of the street, and then stumbling home and leaving a rambling confession to every crime on his lawyer’s answering machine – but despite very clearly wanting and trying to get caught and face some sort of consequence or justice, people just refuse to believe that someone like him is capable of anything like that. (It’s not, it must be said, an especially subtle book).

There is, as far as I can recall, not a single character who gets enough screentime to give an idea of their personality who I’d call likeable. Sympathetic, sure, but that’s mostly because it’s pretty much impossible not to sympathize with someone getting horrifically tortured and torn apart (at one point a starving rat is involved). The upper crust of New York yuppie-dom is portrayed as shallow and vapid, casually bigoted towards quite literally everyone who isn’t identical to them, status-obsessed to the point of only being able to understand the world as a collection of markers of class and coolness, and totally incapable of real human connection. Bateman is a monster not because of any freak abnormality, but just because he takes all of that a few steps further than his coworkers.

The book is totally serious and straight-faced in its presentation, and absolutely never acknowledges any of the running gags that are kept up through it. Which shows impressive restraint, and also means that none of them exactly have a payoff or a punchline – it’s just a feature of the world that all the expensive meals at trendy restaurants everyone competes for tables at sound disgusting when you think about them for a moment, or that the whole class of wall street trader guy are so entirely interchangeable that ostensible close friends and coworkers constantly mistake each other for other traders and no one particularly cares. Or – and I’m taking this on faith because fuck knows I’ve got no idea what any of the brands people are wearing are – that the ruinously expensive outfits everyone spends so very much time and money on for every engagement all clash comically if you actually looked up what the different pieces looked like. The book’s in no way really a comedy, so the jokes sit a bit oddly, but they’re still overall pretty funny, at least to me.

I like to think I have something of a strong stomach for unpleasant material in books, but this was the first work of fiction that I had genuine trouble reading for content reasons in I can’t even remember. I’m not sure it’s exactly right to call the violence pornographic in a general sense, but as far as American Psycho goes the register and tone Bateman uses to describe fucking a woman and torturing her to death are basically identical (and told in similarly explicit detail), and all of Bateman’s sexual fantasies are more or less explicitly just porn scenes he wants to recreate, so. Regardless, the result’s pretty alienating in both cases – his internal monologue never really feels anything but detached and almost bored as he relays what he does, sound exactly as vapid and alienated as when he is carefully listing the exact brands and designers every person he ever interacts with is wearing at all times, or arguing over dinner reservations for hours on end with his friends and lovers (though both those terms probably deserve heavy airquotes around them). He legitimately sounds considerably more engaged when talking about arguing over sartorial etiquette. It all adds up to a really strong alienating effect.

Anyways, speaking of sex and violence – perhaps because my main exposure to the story before this was tumblr making memes out of scenes from the movie, but I was pretty shocked by just how explicitly awful Patrick is ‘on screen’. The horrible murder, sure, but also just the casual and frequent use of racist and homophobic slurs, the pathological misogyny, the total breakdown he has at the idea of a gay man being attracted to him and thinking he might reciprocate – all of these are entirely in character for an asshole Wall Street ‘80s Guy even if he wasn’t a serial killer, but it’s still oddly shocking at first to see it so thoroughly represented on the page. It makes how comparatively soft-pedaled the bigotry and just, awfulness, of villains in a lot of more modern books stand out a lot more, I suppose? I have read a lot of books that are in some sense About queerness and/or racism in the last year, and no one in any of them holds a candle to good old Patrick Bateman.

Part of that is just the book being so intensely of its time, I suppose. The New York of this book is very much one of the late ‘80s, incredible wealth living side by side with social rot and decay, crippling poverty everywhere and a society that has to a great degree just stopped caring. Absolutely none of which Bateman or any of his peers care one bit about, of course – they’re too busy showing off the latest walkmans and record players, going to the newest clubs, and just generally enjoying all the fruits of Reagan’s America. Recent history has made the fact that Bateman’s personal idol is Donald Trump almost too on the nose to be interesting, but in 1991 I’m sure it was a bit more subtle in how telling it was.

Anyway, yeah, horrifying and exhausting read, triumph of literature, my god did Easton Ellis hate America (this is a compliment). Now time to go watch the movie!

[gatitties]

Hey there, weird request but could you do maybe like I usually goth and quiet reader who seems like they'd hate white girl music, gets drunk, and starts Screaming/singing "call me maybe", and professes their love for Taylor Swift? Just a silly request from a silly delulu girl😍😋thanks babes👍

─Strawhats, Kid Pirates & Whitebeard Pirates x reader

─Summary: You swear you hate white girl music and yet it only takes a little alcohol for you to know all the songs you swore you hated.

─Warnings: none

nahh it's okay, here we're all delulu (me too 😔🤌🏻)

─ You spend a large part of the day listening to music, either in private or at a respectable volume in meetings so as not to disturb.

─ Everyone knows your tastes and how much you complain about music, especially if it's white girl music, they will never hear you listening to that kind of stuff.

─ You argue a lot with Brook about songs and sometimes Franky joins in, since they are both the ones who precede you in your obsession with listening to music at all hours.

─ Now, your sober and drunk side are different people, or at least, concepts of your personality that others should forget, we are not going to review all the embarrassing things you have done while drunk.

─ But something that they remind you constantly like breathing was that time you had too many drinks that your body couldn't handle.

─ It was in a bar while you were celebrating having liberated another island from some random tyrant, the atmosphere was great and you loved the music that accompanied it, but the moment you crossed that line, between sobriety and drunkenness, that's when you lost it.

─ You went crazy when “call me maybe” started playing, shouting at the top of your lungs, some of your comrades looked at you suspiciously, Luffy just followed you while Brook thought you were an imposter.

─ Robin had to take you to the boat that night while you ranted about your favorite artists, being the complete opposite of what you used to listen to on a daily basis, she wasn't the only one, because Nami ended up learning Taylor Swift's entire discography.

─ They asked Chopper for something to put you to sleep because you couldn't stop humming songs even with your eyes closed.

─ Nobody, absolutely nobody except Heat, listened to that kind of music.

─ You expressed countless times your most sincere hatred towards white girl music, throwing hate at the main artists or songs in particular, everyone at Victoria Punk knew about your dislike towards the genre.

─ Maybe the only one who caught you listening to those songs was Wire, but you threatened to cut out his tongue if he said a single word about this.

─ Although it wasn't necessary, when in one of the many celebrations for defeating any strong opponent, you got drunk, putting aside your hatred and embracing your tastes closely that night.

─ Kid almost choked on his beer when he saw how both you and Heat started a dance battle that ended with both of you singing “Last Friday Night.”

─ Taking advantage of the fact that the next morning you would regret it, he recorded everything to show you, making fun of you was always fun for your captain, especially if it was his revenge for recording him canoodling with Killer at the previous party.

─ Even when most of the crew got tired or fainted from exhaustion, you continued giving your concert.

─ Killer had to drag you back to your bed after you vomited a couple of times on the way, listening to how you would describe fun facts from the album "1989", he patted you on the back and left you, hoping you wouldn't throw up again.

─ The next day you chased Kid all over the ship to erase that singing video from existence.

─ Only Thatch knew about your guilty taste for that type of music, he was also a secret fan, since no one used to enter the kitchen apart from him and a couple of other people, you took advantage of that time to do private concerts.

─ The problem was that Ace discovered you while he was trying to steal food, and sometimes he has just enough neurons.

─ Probably not all the crew knew your musical tastes, but most definitely knew what kind of music you didn't like, because you were always complaining if any of those songs came on the radio.

─ Oh, everyone missed how you enjoyed the songs, moving your lips singing in silence.

─ The fact is that Ace, in one of his brilliant ideas, took you on stage in the middle of a party, although it wasn't something that caught everyone's attention, it definitely caught the attention of your closest people.

─ Not only were you drunk, but you also started singing “Don't let me down” with Thatch with everything you had, Ace joined in, slurring the lyrics but following the rhythm.

─ Izo knew it was time to get you off the stage when you started to wobble more than necessary, you hugged him to keep from falling, listing each of Taylor Swift's albums and each favorite song from her respective album.

─ The next morning you had completely forgotten what happened that night, more concerned with receiving Marco's hangover pills, he made fun of you for your performance but since you didn't remember it you just told him he dreamed it or something.

─ It was Whitebeard who made you remember what you had done that night, completely embarrassed not by singing those songs, but by the drunkenness you had gotten, you are glad to have such an understanding father right now.

[evidence-based-activism]

Sex Differences in Serial/Mass Murder

I recently received an ask about a specific female serial killer, which I will be answering soon, but I wanted to make a separate post about serial/mass murder statistics for those who'd like a more generic discussion (rather than about a specific person).

For terminology: serial murder refers to the killings of multiple people over separate events while mass murder refers to the killing of many people within a single event. The line between these can be blurred in some cases (e.g., if a man shoots and kills his family before going on a "rampage" and killing many unrelated individuals is that serial or mass murder?), but that this the rough delineation between the two.

---

Serial Murder

Professionals working at Radford University and Florida Gulf Coast University (FGCU) have developed an incredibly interesting Serial Killer Database [1]. It is likely the most (although not completely) comprehensive database of serial killers in existence. They have defined serial murder as "the unlawful killing of two or more victims by the same offenders in separate event".

There is an important note to their research: it can only identify known serial killers for which some record has been kept. (I'll explicate why this is important to keep in mind later. But, first some stats:)

They found:

Women make up only ~10% of all (identified) serial killers in history

The percentage of (identified) female serial killers has decreased over time and is lower in the USA compared to other countries

"Financial gain is the primary motive for women serial killers whereas enjoyment is the primary motive for men" (Also discussed in [2]).

"Male serial killers are much more likely that female serial killers to torture victims, mutilate the body after death, and engage in overkill ... [and] more likely to engage in necrophilia"

However, this data is likely skewed towards an over-estimation of female serial killers. As mentioned before, this data base includes only serial killers that have been identified and recorded. As a result:

The number of identified serial killers is much higher for recent modern times (i.e., 20th and 21st centuries) than for all the rest of history combined. (Specifically, there are only 250 recorded serial killers, out of 5752, before 1900). It is unlikely that serial killers are simply a modern phenomenon. Instead, it's most likely that (1) detection methods have been improved over time, such as the advent of modern forensics, (2) record keeping has been improved over time, or (3) both detection and record keep have improved over time.

The above supposition is supported by the difference in serial killer frequency between the USA and other countries. According to the report, ~64% of all serial killers are in the USA. They note, however, that "caution should be taken in reviewing this table as the number of serial killers by country is a function of the number of actual killers, the number caught, and the number reported by police or the media". It is again unlikely that the USA truly houses 64% of the world's serial killers, and more likely that better detection methods and record keeping has skewed the results towards the USA.

As a result of this, however, the percentage of female serial killers is likely inflated by this report. Female serial killers are less likely to kill strangers (a type of serial killing that is often detected and the killer often identified by modern forensics). They are also more likely to have visible benefits (i.e., the financial gain) than male serial killers, potentially providing a clearer link to their crimes prior to modern forensic methods.

In fact, the raw number of female serial killers has remained relatively stable over the recorded time periods (excepting a spike in frequency that was mirrored in the male serial killer statistics). This suggests that, rather than fewer/a smaller proportion of female serial killers being identified over time, the number/proportion of male serial killers identified has been increasing. This is reflected in the decreasing percentage of female serial killers over time.

To obtain a better estimate of the true proportion prevalence of female serial killers I calculated the proportion within restricted frames. Women make up:

~9% of all identified serial killers after 1900

~7.5% of all identified serial killers after 1900 in the USA

~7% of all identified serial killers over the last 50 years (since 1970)

~6% of all identified serial killers over the last 50 years (since 1970) in the USA

Given this, it's likely that the true proportion of female serial killers is closer to 6-7%.

For the interested, this review [2] and this article [3] elucidate the differences between female and male serial killers.

---

Mass Murder

I have previously made a few posts about the connection between domestic violence and mass shootings, but I'll expand on mass shooting statistics here with some interesting new sources.

First, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security has recently released a first of its kind report on "Mass Attacks in Public Spaces" [4]. The inclusion criteria they used was somewhat restrictive (only for 2016-2020, in the USA, harmed three or more people, in public locations). Despite this, the data is high quality, and carefully analyzed. Importantly, they found that 96% of the attackers were male.

Further, they found "nearly half of the attackers were found to have had a history of domestic violence, misogynistic behaviors, or both." (It is also possible -- even likely -- that, given the minimal attention paid to misogynistic biases by mass violence task forces, that other attackers had an undocumented history of domestic violence/misogynistic behaviors.)

Other studies with slightly different inclusion criteria find similar results:

Looking at public shootings with four or more victims in the USA between 1966 and 2017, found men were the attackers in 96% of shootings. [5] (Importantly, this analysis excludes familicides and mass shootings connected to organized crime/gang violence. Both of these types of crimes are also male dominated.)

"Familicide is almost exclusively a crime perpetrated by men." [6] (A hard statistic for this crime is difficult to pin down, it's certainly >95%, but many sources put it either at or extremely close to 100%.)

Another analysis looking at public shootings with four or more victims in the USA between 1976 and 2018, found 98% of shooters were male. [7] This source demonstrates the issue with restricting analysis to only public shootings, as over 80% of mass shootings during this time period were not public.

A final source [8] documents various tools attempting to track mass shootings and the differences between them. In summary, they find men were the shooter in 98% of incidents.

---

Ultimately, this indicates that in addition to accounting for at least 90% of all "normal" homicide perpetrators (post with data and [9] which indicates that the global proportion is closer to 95%), men also make up >90% of serial killers and >95% of mass murderers.

References below the cut:

Aamodt, M. G., Leary, T., & Girimurugan, S. (2023). Radford/FGCU Annual Report on Serial Killer Statistics: 2023 Radford, VA: Radford University.

Miller, L. (2014). Serial killers: I. Subtypes, patterns, and motives. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 19(1), 1–11. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2013.11.002

Gurian, E. A. (2017). Reframing serial murder within empirical research: Offending and adjudication patterns of male, female, and partnered serial killers. International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology, 61(5), 544–560. https://doi.org/10.1177/0306624X15598572

National Threat Assessment Center. (2023). Mass Attacks in Public Spaces: 2016 - 2020. U.S. Secret Service, Department of Homeland Security.

Capellan, J. A., Johnson, J., Porter, J. R., & Martin, C. (2019). Disaggregating mass public shootings: A comparative analysis of disgruntled employee, school, ideologically motivated, and rampage shooters. Journal of Forensic Sciences, 64(3), 814–823. https://doi.org/10.1111/1556-4029.13985

Karlsson, L. C., Antfolk, J., Putkonen, H., Amon, S., Da Silva Guerreiro, J., De Vogel, V., Flynn, S., & Weizmann-Henelius, G. (2021). Familicide: A systematic literature review. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 22(1), 83–98. https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838018821955

Duwe, G. (2020). Patterns and prevalence of lethal mass violence. Criminology & Public Policy, 19(1), 17–35. https://doi.org/10.1111/1745-9133.12478

Smart, R., & Schell, T. L. (2021). Mass shootings in the united states. Mass Shootings in the United States. https://www.rand.org/research/gun-policy/analysis/essays/mass-shootings.html

Homicide and Gender. (2015). UNODC United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Like clockwork

Knowing that I nailed every single prediction except the awards bc the time span covered in S3 was too short for the restaurant to even be considered for one (YET) and the apology, which he thought about making to C but chickenshit at the last minute forcing her character to lurk around a little longer next season, unfortunately.

And also knowing that S4 (which I always considered ENDGAME) might be finally the one where they get those awards and end the show on a perfect note, makes me incredibly happy because even though I do think S3 is the weakest so far, I also fully expected everything that happened in it, except the low Sydney screen time, compared with the excessive Faks screentime, which was the biggest bummer of all times.

I think that Storer is straining along the “non-Sydcarmy” narrative in the right-hand column and leaving about a million Sydcarmy breadcrumbs in the LEFT-HAND COLUMN, so he’s putting all the money on the endgame and that is why most people, including critics, and non-sydcarmy truthers feel underwhelmed after all the build-up excitement and high-expectations that had been forced around it. The critics are mixed, BECAUSE you didn't get exactly what you wanted, both truthers and anties, whereas I got exactly what I assumed I was gonna get from Storer, a TWIST that he will resolve in S4.

As I always said, my ONLY priority is getting my SYDCARMY ENDGAME, not putting Syd’s happiness above all, not even the restaurant getting a star, although IK it will at some point, not even Carmy finding happiness in any other place that is not that meadow Sydney. Etc. I don't play that game. I only want those things to happen in a Sydcarmy context, hopefully, but not necessarily, explicitly, not in a Lalaland kinda way.

What Storer did was open the game enough for a potential Clairmy endgame to happen, which last season seemed impossible, now he forced the narrative to make it fit in S4 if he wanted to. That’s why everyone is soooo underwhelmed, except me. Because I trust my intuition in the left-hand column which is what allowed me to nail all the predictions so far to the letter. Including Carmy being an ass to Syd and Syd not going anywhere, even when offered a way out of The Bear (the restaurant and the man).

And due to this accuracy in predicting Storer’s behavior, I still, like always, feel Sydcarmy is a S4 dish. Fully endgame material. Nothing has changed for me after watching S3. If anything, that belief is even more cemented in my mind now.

Storer is still right on schedule and the Sydcarmy clock started ticking more than ever, exactly as I anticipated HERE. I even nailed the "no sorry sign" thing, which is what we need to watch for in S4, as soon as it happens, we will be out of the woods.

I don't come from a place of wanting to get my needs met or wishes granted by someone as cruel and infuriatingly brilliant as Storer, that would be too naive on my part. I know what to expect when it comes to his writing and he's the Zodiac Killer for me, he can write the perfect crime, and the perfect plot and twist it in ways I can anticipate but no one can control in terms of layout and order but himself. He's a perfectionist and a control freak, incredibly talented piece of shit(sounds familiar?). So I work with what he serves me. I expect from him nothing but asphyxia first, to then give me breathing room for a few scenes, and then take it away. That's what this season was. The chokehold. The lack of oxygen. He's depriving us or making us think he will "on the table", while "under the table" the conversation or unspoken dialogue is the following:

Syd didn't sign The Bear's agreement, and neither did she sign the poaching contract, she's stalling both because she leads with her heart, not her head, which woulda made her get the hell outta the restaurant that has her name nowhere to be found in the reviews that are all about Chef Berzatto, where her business partner is a fucking robot she "can't babysit anymore" and who explicitly told her he's about to crack and where she dreads going to work every day. I mean NOT EVEN THAT CAN MAKE HER SIGN THE POACHING OFFER. I wonder why...

Carmy is still breaking the vow he made to Syd under the table: "You deserve my full focus". He's focusing on getting that bullshit star for her, he's focusing on the bully chef that used to torture him in EMP and ruined him mentally (because according to him it's that asshole's fault, not his own upbringing, and responsibility for having stuck around his bullying and not standing up for himself back then) while Syd is seating right next to him and Luca is flirting with her (I'm OK with that btw) and he's still blaming other people for the choices he made or the things he FAILED to do, instead of taking full responsibility and changing them, which I'm sure he will in S4 and I never expected him to do now because that process IRL for anyone takes YEARS, maybe DECADES, so...

And lastly, we have Chef Terry being the one who tries to open their eyes with her wisdom and they are both still blinking and being blinded by the brightness of it, they still can't see clearly what she's trying to tell them. Especially Syd, who had a full-on panic attack (her getting stuck in a walk-in while everyone else was on the other side of the door moment exactly as I predicted too). Why would she have that if that wasn't her realization moment? → THE ONE WE, SYDCARMY TRUTHERS HAVE BEEN FUCKING PRAYING FOR AND WILL HAVE TO FORCE HER TO FINALLY FOR THE LOVE OF DOG MAKE HER FUCKING MOVE!!!!

So summing up, like I said, I don't come from a place of expecting Storer to please me, my approach to anticipate his moves is asking myself: How can I get what I want while he gets his way because he will get his way regardless, so why fighting him? He will make me suffer, he will play every single string of my heart and he will make me think I've lost all hope and that is not even worth keeping on trying, on the surface. But under the surface, he will prepare THE TWIST and it's gonna be beautiful, and if I play my cards like this, fully expected. That's exactly what I did and what I got, the thing is that this was THE TRANSITIONAL SEASON, S4 is the RESOLUTION of all loose ends because it's ENDGAME. He's right on schedule as far as I'm concerned.

Bonus track: Sydcarmy breadcrumbs he planted: * Menu (heartshaped and best meal Syd ever had) → which is MEAT. * Her panic attack in the hallway after thinking of Carmy and all the history they have together. * Cicero and Nat asking her to sign the agreement once and for all, THEY ARE ASKING HER TO ENTER THE FAMILY, not just the restaurant. * She not quitting, even though someone offered her an easy way out on a silver platter. She can't quit The Bear, and I'm not talking about the restaurant. Even if she eventually does, Storer made it clear that her heart is not in it, she doesn't want to, otherwise, she would have done it by now. * Carmy NOT APOLOGIZING to Claire. Even if he eventually does, Storer made it clear that his heart is not in it, he doesn't want to, otherwise, he would have done it by now. (He did call her "peace" though, which was a cruel way of Storer giving us truthers the middle finger for having told him that the panic attack scene was his way of telling us SYdcarmy was endgame). We shouldn't trust this, Storer is Storing. * Lastly: In the final sequence (CLIFFHANGER), Carmy gets the reviews that will make or break The Bear, which leads to S4 → if the reviews force Cicero to pull the plug, Syd is free to sign the new contract and start over elsewhere. If the reviews are great (they are not because the menu was called INCONSISTANT) then he has a reason to go to Syd's place and show her they made it! Either way, in any of those scenarios he has the perfect motive to jug all the way to Syd's apartment and find her in the midst of her panic attack and CONFORT HER, which I think will be the opener of S4 and then the whole ENDGAME will go from there. This endgame will include Syd signing something that will tie her to Carm. And this endgame will also feature "Andrea". My only fear is: LALALAND ENDING, and I'll tell you why → COPENHAGEN+CLAIRE. Knowing that MG was with JAW in Copenhagen a few weeks ago, I'm sure that shooting some scenes, even though many said they didn't I still believe they did, leads me to think that Carmy, who is reminiscing of his time in Copenhagen like one of the most beautiful times of his life, can go back there with Claire after apologizing to her and rekindling their flame and after Cicero pulling the plug on The Bear letting Syd off the hook for her to pursue the other option presented to her. This will mean Carmy ends with Claire in Copenhagen somehow, sketching and maybe even fully leaning into his artsy side, who knows? And Syd gets her Star elsewhere, which she will find underwhelming because she wanted to get it with The Bear (the restaurant AND the man). This will pave the way for them to give themselves a second chance eventually if Carmy ever comes back from Copenhagen and chooses her over C. Or something along these lines but not necessarily in this order. Either way would explain JAW and C being in Copenhagen recently and would be a Sydcarmy endgame but bittersweet, not spoonfed and cruel, just like Storer likes it. I hope I am mistaken about this since the Lalaland kinda ending is my biggest fear and it's still fully plausible given S3. Still, sometimes I'm wrong... like when I thought that Richie was gonna quit on Carmy after the walk-in fight and he just stayed to spite him and make his life miserable LOL!

[lol-jackles]

Walker review, episode 7 "Hold me now"

It's a beautiful golden morning and Cordell prepares to fix breakfast of egg and bacon for August but he's already half-way out the door. Come on Auggie, it's bacon, everybody loves bacon! Cordell puts away the egg and bacon and opt for cereal while he reads James' book on a serial killer. Cereal, serial, get it? I slay me.

Little did August know that morning would be the last time his dad would be there for him, and he'd going to wish he had stayed for breakfast.

At Ranger HQ, Cordell is leading the team search for the serial killer called the jackal who was previously dormant but now back and have killed 2 people. Cordell's first choice of suspect, a wife abuser, turned up to be a dead end but that doesn't slow him down. The following day he picks another suspect from the bottom of the least suspicious list, a former zoo keeper whose zoo was the closest site of the first victim. Nobody is on board with Cordell's theory so he's like, no problem, I'll check the defunct zoo myself. Cassie refuse to let Cordell go alone and Luna invites himself along.

The trio arrives at the creepy abandoned zoo and only the audience see the decayed corpse of an animal, a jackal with missing teeth, which is the killer's calling card. Luna and Cassie find a disturbing underground room filled with tools of the killer's trade. Cordell finds fresh tracks and chases a distant figure, who escapes after he ambushes Cordell and knocks him out. Though the killer remains free, the rangers are closer than they've ever been in years and his lair will provide much needed data for a profile.

Cordell is upset that he was so close to catching the killer and is more determined than ever to finish the job. He returns home to find Liam upset that history is repeating itself, Cordell is neglecting his family and Liam is picking up the slack. Cordell says he will make it up to his children and tells Liam to stop being so dramatic. (At this point I', convinced Ben is running the horse rescue.)

Both men are correct and there's no easy answer. A serial killer is on the loose and catching it is not a 9 to 5 job. There's an expectation that public service jobs mean some family times has to be scarified. I know a family that has 3 generations of firefighters, they never spent a single Thanksgiving and Christmas together as a family because the men are too busy putting out kitchen fires and/or fireplace fires caused by idiots. Mothers Day is the only holiday that most criminals take a break from their usual criminal activities.

Cordell goes to his study room filled with research on the jackal and it is revealed that he stole evidence from the killer's lair, a length of rope. Cordell tightly wraps the rope around his wrist as if he's trying to get into the mind of the killer and looking through his eyes. In an earlier scene, Cassie said zoo keeping isn't that much different from ranching and pointedly looks at Cordell.

Sidenote, Luna and Cassie finds the killer's note written in capitalized letters, which is the same style Luna wrote in his love note to Cassie. I really hope this is a red herring for Cassie's sake, her two previous dates literally tried to kill Cordell: for a cause and for revenge, respectively. Cassie doesn't need the third romance to turn out to be another psycho and also I need the three of them to go undercover at a Shadow Hawk convention.

Speculation #4: the Jackal is a member of the survivor network and encouraged people like Henry to blame innocent people. He knew Luna was undercover at the motel and learned his handwriting style to feed false leads to the survivor network.

Score: 9.7 out of 10.  We get to see why Cordell is the best ranger as the stakes are deepening. A point 2 deduction for the stalled necklace mystery, another point 2 deduction for Bonham and Abeline subplot about derailed retirement plans. Point 1 given back for August maturing and being a good kid.

[momoliee]

Here Is Why You Should Read Priest’s Modern Danmeis :

As much as i love priest’s period novels, i absolutely adore her more recent, modern novels even more. You can tell that her writing style has completely changed as she grew and gained more experience, giving an edge to her work. I definitely believe her modern books NEED to be as popular as her wuxia ones cause COME ON?

(i’ve written in depth reviews on my page for each title i mention)

First, my absolute all time favorite, one of my top 3, Mo Du :

I’ve read this series a total of two times so far, and I’m about to read it a third time cause it’s just that good. And here’s the thing, i almost NEVER reread or rewatch stuff ok.

Fei Du is one of the most complex characters that i’ve encountered in my reading experience, with the worst type of mental trauma that i could come across. His relationship with Luo Wenzhou is one of the most enjoyable and perhaps, priest’s best written romance. Theyre both equally flirtatious, equally bold, their back and forth bickering is full of sexual tension and their progression from enemies to lovers is IMPECCABLE.

And the plot? PHENOMENAL. The BEST mystery and thriller detective series that I’ve ever encountered, with each book having it’s own individual mystery, and no two mysteries are similar. From child trafficking to serial killers to drug dens and even terrorism….you name it. Each arc is well crafted, and by the end, you’ll truly be able to sigh in satisfaction. For priest to be able ro make you enjoy both the romance and the plot equally…shes a genius. a 27/10.

Trigger warnings: this book discusses heavy topics such as pedophilia, rape, drug abuse, suicide, self harm, and a lot of similar topics

Next: Can Ci Pin:

Her most underrated work and i cant even begin to understand why. I mean yes it takes place in outer space in a futuristic society where people live for around 200 years across the span of 8 galaxies (not there are no aliens, but there are concepts such as ais and robots) but like….you’ve all read sha po lang with its steampunk theme and you all KNOW just how good priest is at world building. Dare i say, priest is the best danmei author when it comes to world building.

Yes, this is perhaps her slowest and longest piece of work and i get why so many would get bored after the second book. But here’s the thing, ccp has one of the most complicated worlds and plot. the plot is actually one of the most confusing and heavy plots that i’ve encountered. so in order for the story not to fall apart, it was very necessary for priest to spend the first two novels and half world building as well as slowly laying out a proper foundation for the plot. That way, when she starts speeding up the pace, you are basically a pro who doesn’t need to backtrack, reread or double check anything. By the time i was done with the third novel, i felt like i knew everything about space politics, wars between galaxies, Ai and microchips, and everything in between. And that’s saying something cause im an IDIOT when it comes books and shows politics ok.

In this series, priest has seriously invested into every single side character, even those who’ve been dead since before the series even started. With extensive backstories, each and every single character grows on you as much as the main pair if not more, and you fall in love with the found family priest created as well as all the characters who are only talked about in flashbacks and past tense. Another favorite part about this series.

Now the main characters and the romance….chefs kiss. Lu Bixing has one of the BEST character arcs that i’ve come across. He starts off as this bright sunshine boy, goes through hell, becomes this depressed cynical man then finds his way back to his old self again all in the span of the novel itself. Being able to go through the pain with him then watch him heal, makes you very attached to this baby. Li Jingheng my all time cold prince biggest crush ok i love him. Their romance was SOO entertaining cause EVERYONE was rooting for them and everyone played matchmaker and wingman with them it was HILARIOUS. The comedy was top notch, the second hand embarrassment was real, but it made the reading experience feel much more organic idk i just enjoyed myself so much and laughed so hard. 20/10

Trigger warnings: human trafficking and experimentation, self harm and suicide

Third : Lie Huo Jiao Chou

Xuan Ji’s wings of flame are the highlight of the series ok. Almost every single scene has him whipping his wings out just to show off and his boyfriend eats it up everytime ok.

I absolutely love the amnesiac plot line where two past lovers meet again and yet are unable to recognize each other. Yet, slowly, as they spend more and more time together and one of them starts regaining his memories, the pining and longing begins. And oh does Xuan Ji YEARNS in the most beautiful way possible. And once they BOTH regain their memories in full, the angst is just the cherry on top. Being unable to resist each other yet still trying to pull away, the tension, trying to hold back…delicious.

The plot is so easy to keep up with and enjoy too. Both the story taking place 3,000 years ago and the one in present time are equally entertaining, where we see scenes of war and tomb raiding and investigations and a little bit of magic too. The visuals are fantastic, and the contrast between the two parallel settings is new and refreshing as a concept. 8/10

Trigger warning: main characters experience severe child abuse and neglect

Fourth : Guardian

Guardian is the most popular out of priest’s modern novels so i dont feel the need to say much.

Guardian discusses heavy topics such as death and what’s beyond. With an element of mystery where an investigation team search after where dead souls are being stolen to or why some souls are being sucked out of living people, the premises has an element of horror and goth that gives it this edge. Coolest ghost story around.

The main cast is also a hilarious bunch, and you sort of grow attached to the entire office especially a fat black talking cat. 7/10

Trigger warning: death and murder

I hope this is enough to convince you all to check out more and more of pipi’s work. Yes, sha po lang, lord 7, faraway wanderers and fuyao sect are amazing…but if you haven’t read priest’s modern work then yall are missing out ok. that’s it for now xxx

[brostateexam]

ATS stands for Applicant Tracking System. It's just software. Some of them have automation included but the automation is just as garbage on the hiring side as it is everywhere else. Making your resume "ATS friendly" is making it recruiter friendly, because there is a real human reviewing your resume for the vast majority of these jobs. Even high volume roles that try to have automation to weed people out will still look at people in the auto-reject pile because the filtering tools are, once again, garbage. And because if you're doing high volume recruiting you can't afford to be picky about things like how people format their resume, and that is all automation does on a good day: differentiate between "this is formatted like a resume" and "this looks like a serial killer's demand letter."

Ask me about single-handedly staffing up a call center from 20 people to 80 people in the span of 4 months. I read a lot of resumes that would have been better rendered in eyebrow pencil on a cocktail napkin, and I interviewed some of those people anyhow, and even hired a few.

You people sound like TikTokkers talking about The Algorithm.

[plasticflwrs]

★⠀⠀ ⁄ ⠀⠀LOVE ME OR HATE ME is the fictional debut mini—album released by OH DEURIM, member of Plastic Flowers, on July 14, 2024 by ROVE RECORDS, a subsidiary of Superbloom Media. The album was confirmed in late May 2024 alongside her move to Rove Records, making her the first artist to release something with the label as well. She would promote lead singles LOVE ME OR HATE ME and KILLER SYMPATHY for three weeks, with the former being nominated for three wins but never getting enough votes.

★⠀⠀ ⁄ ⠀⠀The album was met with mixed reviews by critics and fans alike. While critics enjoyed the album, many noted that these songs did not seem like Deurim, instead playing into the aspects people already liked about her members. Fans, on the other hand, disliked the album because THREE of the SIX songs were written by Salem, with Deurim all but confirming that they came from her bandmates' VAULT of unreleased music. Despite this, LOVE ME OR HATE ME would make it into the Circle Charts' top twenty, with the rest of the album charting in the top fifty. This would be the lowest ranked released by Plastic Flowers since 2020. Reception for the album would not be helped by the many rumors of her unconfirmed relationship with bandmate OLIVER SONG.

TRACKLIST — playlist.

‘ # 001.⠀ ⠀INTRO. BAD BLOOD ──── written by salem kuaekulsri, produced by go yujun, and performed by oh deurim. BAD BLOOD explores themes of betrayal and vengeance, with the opening lines "i'm parched in this silence, words become knives that cut like violence" implying that harsh words and silences have been exchanged between deurim and the object of her interest. the metaphor of "recording" suggests that the singer is holding onto the past and keeping a record of what has happened to justify her past actions. she is empowered by her anger and it drives her forward, springing her into action and that she is willing to step into the limelight to get that revenge.

‘ # 002.⠀ ⠀LOVE ME OR HATE ME ──── written by salem kuaekulsri, produced by oliver song, and performed by oh deurim. according to deurim, LOVE ME OR HATE ME was chosen as the title track because it fits the "image" that she's been trying to showcase since her debut, which fans have found questionable at best with performances of GREEDY, LAST DANCE, and 2 DIE 4 have proven otherwise. this song explores themes of insecurities and the desire of acceptance in this overwhelming world, with deurim expressing pleas to be left alone and admitting that she is still afraid of the world. she feels that there is something broken within her, yearning for love and validation, desiring to be appreciated by their fans and others. her insecurities are emphasized by her age being "twen-teen", showing that she's in a transitional stage between adult and teenager, unsure of where she is as everyone with either "love me or hate me".

‘ # 003.⠀ ⠀OBSESSED ──── written by oh deurim, produced by dallas linwood, and performed by oh deurim. this was first performed at COACHELLA all the way back in april of 2024 and is the only song that got truly good reactions on the album. OBSESSED is all about jealously and how that can turn into an unhealthy fixation as she struggles with her emotions and validation from her partner in the face of their past relationships. she knows everything about the ex-girlfriend, including personal information and the physical remnants of the past, admitting to staring at her despite the emotional pain it may cause them. the bridge highlights her insecurities and need for validation by asking questions about the ex-girlfriend, seeking reassurance from their partner and how she can make herself into a better version of her.

‘ # 004.⠀ ⠀FACT OR FICTION ──── written by salem kuaekulsri, produced by go yujun, and performed by oh deurim. this song focuses on the feeling of being lost and alone in the chaos of big cities, most likely seoul. the verses present different images of the city, most notably the fake love, as she desires to be saved from this city by someone who can truly love her. she wants to be seen, held, and cared for by someone that actually loves her. she pleads her desire to be close to someone and burn with passion for life, even if it risks getting hurt, which is followed in the chorus. if the love is fake or real, it doesn't matter as long as it saves her from this city.

‘ # 005.⠀ ⠀THE HAUNTING ──── written by bae haena, produced by go yujun, and performed by oh deurim. in this song, deurim sings about her love who cannot escape her hold and is taken by her beauty and influence. the lyrics suggests that she is completely in control as the "owner" of her lover's night and voice. she is confident in this ownership, that she is the only one in charge, and encourages her lover to trust and believe in their love, even if it feels like magic.

‘ # 006.⠀ ⠀KILLER SYMPATHY ──── written by oh deurim, produced by dallas linwood, and performed by oh deurim. KILLER SYMPATHY is the only song that sounds truly like deurim on this record as she is seeking approval and validation from others behind a dance beat. she dives into the internal struggles that she faces as she is insecure in the face of others and questions the authenticity of her emotions. she needs this sympathy, but the shame that comes with it feels like it could kill her. the chorus emphasizes this sense of being difference and unable to conform to societal standards, with the idea of sympathy being a knife implying that while trying to gain this understanding from others, it can also wound and hurt her. this shows that sympathy is a dual idea to deurim—one that can save her and one that can harm her.

PHOTOCARDS.

you can find haena & dallas — @museforblooms

[zorosleftshoe]

Hii, can you do a Colby Brock x fem!reader when the whole group went to the haunted clown motel (2021)? :)

Sam and Colby plan a prank (identical in the video) for Alex and fem!reader. Fem!reader obviously screams and falls on the chair and tries to hide herself (I hope this makes sense, if not do whatever you desire <3). When they tell that it was a prank she makes jokes (for example: when we’re back home your sleeping on the couch (Colby) and etc). They have to sleep in different rooms: Sam and Colby, Nate and cameraman (Justin), fem!reader and Alex [obviously single beds XD], Colby and fem!reader text for a little bit and colby whines that he needs his cuddles and that’s pretty much it.

If this is too much I apologise in advance, I just rarely see these type of fan fics. Make it as long as you want it to be ❤️

Yes! I could relate to this cause I do NOT like clowns either 🤷‍♀️

Pairing: Colby Brock x fem!reader

Warning: swearing

“Clowns? They named a motel after clowns?” Colby can sense the skepticism in my voice and rolls his eyes playfully.

“Yes. Completely clown themed.” Before I can even spew my sarcastic comment he’s quick to speak. “Yes, it’s weird. Yes, I’m asking you to come.” I place a freshly painted finger against my chin and tilt my head in a faux pout.

“Hm. You know I don’t like clowns, Colbs.” He leans forward and takes my hand pulling me to him and I lazily throw my arms around his shoulders.

“But I want you there, baby.”

“You kill me. You absolutely kill me.” He kisses my forehead quickly before turning to walk out of the room. He makes it halfway before the pillow I throw smacks him in the back of the head. “You owe me.”

Sam, Colby, and Nate are stood reading reviews from previous guests and I can’t help but scrunch my nose is disgust. This place is horrible. Not only that but at every corner there is a clown staring at you with its beady eyes. I hear Nate mention something about a guest complaining about the LEDs and my eyes dart in their direction.

“Well, at least if a killer clown manages to break in we’ll see him coming.” Colby shoots me a look and I stick my tongue out at him before looking around us. Clowns, clowns, and more clowns.

“Why are we staying here again?” Colby asks tilting his head at Sam and Nate jokingly. Sam and Nate head off in the direction of the main area and Colby reaches out to me. I follow in pursuit and he presses his hand against my back guiding me along.

“I hate this.” I stick out my lower lip and Colby mocks me by doing the same. “You’re mean.”

“Mm, but I love you.” He kisses me gently and we begin our journey to the rest of the motel. We’re all standing by the office when Colby pipes up again. “This property is protected by killer clowns.” I glance at Alex who is already looking at me with a similar look on his face.

“If I die tonight, I’m haunting all of your asses.” I say pointing a finger at each of the boys individually. With a huff I follow them into the office and watch as the graze over all trinkets and Knick knacks.

“What is your best pick-up-a-clown pick up line, right now?” One of the boys asked gaining my attention.

“Can I show you a circus tonight?” Sam asks looking into the camera. I roll my eyes and let out a groan. There’s no way I can deal with this all night. Colby winks at me before looking back to the camera and saying ‘you’ve got red balls, but mine are blue’. I stop listening after that. The boys go to talk to the owner and I continue to look at the different clown statues that stand around the small building. If one of them reaches out, I’ll definitely throw up. I hear Colby ask the owner if he thinks the rooms are haunted and not long after we’re headed to the rooms. The sleeping situation was, unusual, if you asked any of us. Nate and Justin were in a room together, Sam, Colby, and I were in a room together, and Alex was left alone by himself. I offered to bunker down with Alex but when I did Colby shot me a look and claimed he couldn’t protect me if I was that far away.

“Colby.” My voice wavered as I focused on the painting that was staring back at me from the wall. “Be for real right now. I am NOT sleeping in here.” He rolled his eyes and took a few steps towards me before slinging his arms around my shoulders.

“You’ll be sleeping with me. I’ll protect you.” I roll my eyes and punch his side lightly.

“Like you did at my mom and dad’s when my cousin dressed up as Bigfoot?” Colby glanced down at me before straightening out his jacket.

“That was a moment of weakness.” I lightly chuckle at his words and follow them to the next room. Once they’re done checking everything out they ask Nate, Alex, and myself to head to the car for a minute while they set up a seance in our room. Although I wasn’t entirely comfortable with it, I wasn’t going to cause a scene and ruin the video they had planned.

Alex and I were sat at the car scrolling through our phones when he looked over at me.

“You look uneasy.” He wasn’t wrong. I could tell he wasn’t trying to be degrading with his words. He was just trying to make conversation.

“I don’t like clowns.” He chuckles.

“Then what are you doing here?” He raises his hands when he realizes how that may have sounded. “I don’t mean that in a bad way. I just mean, this is literally a clown motel.”

“Colby. Why else.” That causes us both to laugh. When I look back up I see the rest of our group walking towards us. “Are we ready to explore?” I follow the boys around aimlessly as they continue with their investigation. Colby keeps his space as he walks next to Sam near the front of our small group. A chill creeps up my spine as we enter the graveyard and I have the urge to turn back, to sleep in the car for the night, but I continue forward.

“Don’t step on the graves, guys.” I say quietly. Before I can see if anyone heard me a dog jumps over the fence and rolls onto his back. “Oh, hello!” I give him a few belly rubs and he runs off to greet the others. The boys agree to go back to the room and do the seance and my stomach churns at the thought.

When we get to the room Sam and Colby are sitting on the bed closest to the bathroom and Nate is standing next to them while Alex is sitting on the bed closest to the door with me. All of a sudden we hear a thud and a clown emerges from the bathroom. I let out a scream and jump up from the bed, backing away from the stranger in our room. My foot catches something and before I know it, I’m tumbling to the ground with the chair beside me. In a moment of panic, I grab the chair and crawl behind it. My eyes are closed tight as the boys start to laugh at one another.

“You knew it was gonna happen.” I hear Alex say but I’m still too stunned to look. My heart is beating a mile a minute and when I open my eyes Sam, Colby, Nate, and Justin are eyeing Alex and I with smiles plastered on their faces.

“Welcome to the prank wars, bitches!” Sam says before pointing at us with his hands. I let out a huff, still trying to catch my breath, and grab the pillow that was sitting in the chair next to me before chucking it at Sam. Colby hops over the bed and sticks his hands out to help me up but I push him back playfully.

“Oh, ho, ho. No way. You’re in the dog house, buddy.” His eyes widen at my words and I flip him off. “You were in on this, you asshole. I nearly had an aneurysm.” Colby gives me a faux pout but I just pinch his bottom lip before grabbing my bag and looking at Alex. “Alex, show me to our room.”

The night quickly comes to a close and Alex is fast asleep in his bed. His snores the only thing keeping me sane as the clown on the wall stares me down. My phone vibrates next to me on the bed and I grab it.

Colbs❤️

I’m sorry baby. We got you good though

I roll my eyes and open up the text thread before typing my reply.

Only because I don’t like clowns. You better sleep with an eye open, baby bear.

The room is silent for a few moments before my phone vibrates again and I roll my eyes playfully before picking it up.

Colbs❤️

Were you serious about sleeping on the couch? I need my cuddles, woman!

With another eye roll I put my phone back down on the bed and close my eyes, preparing for sleep. My phone vibrates again and I groan before looking at it.

Colbs❤️

I need my cuddles!

With a soft chuckle I type out a short reply and put my phone down before drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

[dead-by-mending]

Dbd as quotes from Russian Badger videos, part 3

Danny : Poor Joey, one of the few able to socialize with both killers and survivors, still cannot find a maiden

Caleb, after Susie begged him to : *shoots a survivor* Yeehaw, chucklefucks...

Ji-Woon : *starts a joke*

Jeff : Nah, nah, Ji-Woon, no, no, no sorry

Joey : Did you just cut his bit 2 words in ? Goddamn !

Ji-Woon : I am leaving

Joey : Are we vetoing bits now ??? Can we just do that ?

Jake : Oh he actually left

Frank : I hate this guy but how do you think someone's story is not funny like 25% of the way through and you cut it off ? You literally just say SHUT UP, you skip the whole dialogue

Joey : That shit was literally 2% and yall were like "nu-ah, cut his mic"

Jeff : Wait he actually left the whole realm ? Hold on I didn't want to hurt his feelings

Joey : *laughs uncontrolably*

Frank : Damn, Joey is the Scooby-Doo villain now

(Jesus that one was long)

Nea : It'd be cooler if the Entity was a Funko Pop or something

Survivor : *fumbles incredibly hard*

Frank : The council have reviewed your case and had granted you a single yike