#So then I took multiple breaks... those breaks being editing the fic...

[kodokberjamur]

I want to cry because my professor told us to write a maximum of 10 pages for the article, and I have only written up until the research method, and yet, I'm already at page 9. I scrolled up and realized that I yapped too much in the introduction. The introduction does not need to be 4 pages long. So I have to cut like. Half of it. AGH.... No............... </3 WHY DO LIMITS EXIST. WAIT LOL I suddenly remembered that one scene from Mean Girls: the limit does not exist! Man, I wish that also counted for word/page limits.... Aaand now I want to rewatch it. Again. How many times have I rewatched this movie? Everything about it is just so good and it definitely deserves the hype—OKAY THAT WAS MOST DEFINITELY AN UNWANTED TANGENT. I should stop before I suddenly start yapping about Mean Girls. (already did. Kodok you actually just suck.)

Anyway, painful news aside, I decided to go and edit the fic I was working on, and—it's almost ready!!! Thank God for long weekends, am I right? AAAA I MIGHT BE ABLE TO POST IT ON MY BIRTHDAY!! I'M SO EXCITED KSJDKS ALSO I tried playing with the formatting on gdocs a bit, like the italics and stuff, and then copied and pasted everything to AO3... THE FORMATTING STAYED. IT ACTUALLY STAYED. ALL THIS TIME I COULD'VE JUST USED GDOCS INSTEAD OF MANUALLY FORMATTING EVERYTHING SHDKSJFKSJDK. WHAT. THE. FFFFFROG. I could've...... all this time, I could've just.......... why would I..... why would you......... why did I even.......... what why who where when how.

AH YES ALSO THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THAT I WANT TO SHOW YOU GUYS, BUT. Not now. I'm actually feeling really impatient to show you, but... it's going to have to wait </3 let's just say it involves........ something cute. The size of my palm.

Whoops. At this point it feels like I never even took that break. Well, it's not as though that break really did anything... For one, I spent the whole month writing a fic anyway, and it's not like I stopped brainrotting. In fact, it's gotten worse because I just keep missing Tr*yJ*d* more and more everyday. IF ANYTHING, I DESERVE A LONG BREAK FROM UNI. AGH. SCREW UNI. Uni has given me... back pain, eye strain, neck pain... Insanity...... Nightmares...............

Oh also my rice cooker broke... (very relevant and useful piece of information)

Okay sorry for yapping </3

[moonystoes]

Camp Out! - Elisa De Almeida

(Final part)

Here: part 1, part 2, part 3

Summary: It's Camp out, and being in the same tent as Elisa isn't so bad.

Warning: none!

w/c: 9.6k

A/n: I promised you guys I will post the fic this weekend (I lied it's already 2 am), I have to be honest but I completely gave up on this chapter. I am so attached to y/n and baby Elisa, but this was so difficult for me. There were things I wanted to remove and edit, but I don't care at this point. I may make another chapter, but for now... it's over :,(

Days have passed since prom and your plan on avoiding Paul has been quite successful. It was the last week of school before winter break, and since you were the teachers’ favorite, you were asked to be working around the school all the time. Organizing papers, stapling the review papers, handing them out…things the teachers should be doing, And your job today is to take off the old prom posters from around the school. Usually you’d be frustrated and annoyed at the amount of work they put you through without paying you (child labor much?), but you were thankful and delighted for the extra school work given. Another excuse to avoid Paul.

You somehow found yourself humming that same song from prom, calmly ripping out the posters in the hallways. It wasn't until you heard an obvious fake, rough cough behind you. As you looked over to see if your annoying teacher had another chore for you, your heart sank when you realized it was Paul with a frown on his face.

“Hey, sorry but I really need to remove all of those posters.” You robotally said, twisting your body back and ripping out the small tape around the corners of the posters.

“Come on y/n, you’ve been busy this whole week, “ He groaned, resting his palm on your shoulder to turn you around to face him, “Just give me a minute.”

You sighed loudly as you pondered for a moment. Maybe you will gain confidence in this conversation and will make him leave you alone, “fine, just be quick.”

He nodded quickly and stood up straight. Inhaling deeply, he blurted out, “You embarrassed me in prom.”

“Excuse me?” You retorted, “what did you just say?”

“I mean… You left me alone. Prom wasn’t good because of that.”

“Paul, prom wasn’t good for multiple reasons. One of them was me agreeing to be your date.” You shrugged him off as you ripped out the papers from the wall. How dare he say something like that? You never snapped in school, in fact you rarely do in general. But you don’t care anymore. Not after the way Elisa treated you 10x better than him and she wasn’t your date. Hell, she wasn’t even your friend!

“What do you even mean by that? I was there! I didn’t run away and lied about going to the bathroom.” He spluttered, flailing his arms around him in frustration.

“Well if you were a great date, you…” you stammered, your confidence and anger has faded into worry. No matter how frustrated you are with him, you can’t make him angry or sad, the down part of being a people pleaser, “...would've noticed that I was sick. I had to go home.” You lied.

His brows furrowed in confusion, “were you actually?” He took a step closer to you, eyeing your body as if he would be able to see the sickness that way, “are you lying?”

Your face blushed at the thought of getting caught, “No! Why would I lie like that.”

“Because a friend of mine saw you walk out with another boy.”

A blush ran through your face as you looked down at the ground, too afraid to even glance at his doe brown eyes, “it wasn't a boy… It was Elisa.”

“What?” He gasped, flashbacks of the conversation both of you had at prom came crashing into him. 

“No matter how much she dresses like us, she can never be us,” You turned to look at him in surprise, “imagine being a lesbian and trying to dress like us yet you get no dates.”

Your shock turned into anger, “Paul, what the fuck!” You couldn't believe he is your date, let alone your best friend as a kid.

The guys all laughed at what he said and how you reacted, Paul looked at you in shame and he tried to pull you away from the group.

“No let go of me! You can't just say stuff like that, it's rude.”

No way! Did you ditch him for her? That's exactly what he said would never happen. Did the lesbian Elisa actually just snatch his girl on prom night?

“Ehm… she noticed I was sick in the bathroom and walked me home,” You turned your front into the wall, shakingly ripping out the papers on the wall like how you were supposed to do in the first place.

“Well…I'm sorry. You should've told me about it.” He shrugged his shoulders as his eyes were filled with disappointment in you for not letting him know.

“You should've acknowledged me.” You whispered back as you walked away from that hallway, exhaling calmly knowing that conversation is over, not caring how insensitive your response may be.

It felt great knowing that whatever had happened between you over the years through childhood is now thrown out. You may have been heartbroken if you knew this at the beginning of the year, but it feels like a blessing to you now.

___

January 11th, 2013

Turning slowly towards Sammy, you mumbled, "Do you know what is going on there?” Class should've started 5 minutes ago, but the class was delayed by 3 teachers who were whispering at the door including the school principal. 

"Yeah, it's Camp Out this Friday." Sam said in a duh tone. You hummed quietly, opening your notebook and writing the date quickly to prepare yourself for the new lesson. The teachers quietly left, leaving the History teacher alone at the front of the brightly lit class to start the afternoon.

"Good afternoon everyone. As you know, it's the beginning of the second semester and we have this tradition called ‘Camp out’." his hands fiddled with a stack of papers, folding them together and unfolding as he walks around the class.

"Told you." Sam stuck out her tongue quickly, before turning back to the front of the class.

"If you didn't know about Camp out, it's a tradition where the first year of high school gets a camp day for free! We will camp at the park, forest or whatever you want to call it. The one behind the school. We will provide food, movies, and games. But we will also sleep there. You will need to bring your own tents, sleeping bags, and anything you want.”

The students turned around, already discussing to each other what they should bring and do. You glanced at Sam to plan the day, but her long hair covered her face, and she played with her nails as always.

"Hey! I'm still talking. It will happen in three days, this Friday. You will go to school like normal. And instead of going home at 4, you will stay here. We will move to the park and build our tents, and stay there till 10 in the morning of the next day. We will provide dinner, snacks, and breakfast. Then your parents or guardian will pick you up on Saturday morning. When we sleep, we will split the area in two. One for the boys and one for the girls.”

"Is Elisa sleeping with us too?" A loud remark came from the left side of the class. You knew it was Paul, especially after the conversation you had around three weeks ago. He had been very harsh towards Elisa, before it was small remarks to his friends, but now it's more than that. There was a certain jealousy brewing in him after knowing how she was there to help you instead of him when you were ‘sick’ at prom. Laughter erupted from the class, making you frown at him and glance at Sammy as she shrugged.

You awkwardly shifted to the back of the class where Elisa sits with Fleur and Marie. Even with the loud chatter of the class, Elisa was staring at her empty table, fiddling with her pen. She was clearly lost in thought, her body drowning in an oversized gray hoodie. When you looked at the rest of the table, you caught Marie’s eye. Realizing she caught you staring at Elisa, you flinched and turned back immediately to the front of the class.

"Paul, try thinking of something creative next time." Mr. Nick glared at Paul, angry at the unwanted interruption. "There will be 5 teachers with you guys, and we will be awake at all times to make sure none of you do anything inappropriate, I know you guys are responsible enough to not do it.”

He took a deep breath, walking around to pass the consent forms. Since you and Sam sit at the front, you were the first to receive them.

"Will you go?" Your eyes quickly skimming over the words.

"Absolutely not." Sam joked, ripping the paper in half. You gasped, turning to look at the torn paper on the table.

"What the fuck, why?" You furrowed your eyebrows together at the mess, "oh my God it's literally 5 minutes into class and you're already acting up.”

"You think I'm acting up? Imagine how these boys would act at 2 at night. I'd rather jump off a cliff.” her head turning towards the boys’ tables, their voice looming over the class. “Look at that, they're already planning what they'll do to us when we sleep.”

“...what will they do to us when we sleep?” You hesitantly questioned, face flinching away from Sam knowing she'll probably start blabbering again.

“Are you crazy? What rhymes with grape?” She whispers shouts, her eyes glancing back at Xavi, the creepy kid of the class.

“Oh Sam, you can't just assume something like that!” You gasped at her accusation. It is true, Xavi was a complete weirdo to all the girls, but bringing up a big topic like that wasn't right. “Don't worry, I'm sure nothing will happen around the teachers and the girls.” You reassured her.

“Oh yeah, because Elisa's big, juicy, arms will save you from the bad guys.” she mocked, her body leaned closer to yours with a wink.

You looked back at the clean whiteboard, wishing to disappear. “Fuck off Sammy.”

Sam's cackle was loud enough for some of the students nearby to glance, making you kick her foot under the table and praying that Elisa didn't hear what she said.

Sam had been making jokes about Elisa after the prom conversation, she wanted you to feel relaxed around her and admit your crush. But you had made an obvious mistake (Sam knew this was a step closer for you to admit it), when you walked around the school’s football pitch at lunch on the first day of school after winter break.

You were watching the small matches played by the students when you surprisingly saw Marie on the sidelines. Knowing that she loves and plays the sport, you sat next to her with a bright smile and questioned why she wasn't there playing with the rest, and obviously her response was about the sexist boys. When you looked back at the pitch, you found Elisa between the boys. She clearly couldn't care less about what the boys were saying. She wore a sleeveless basketball jersey showing off her arm tan lines, and shorts long enough to reach her knees. It was obviously too cold for her to be dressed like that, but the afternoon sun and playing had helped warm her up.

The harsh sun caused her body to shine with sweat and caused her short hair to stick to her forehead. But what made your heart start to race is when she pushed Paul with a physical tackle, grass flying around them from the impact. Paul was grunting in pain on the ground, waiting for the whistle to blow. But Elisa wasn’t groaning in pain, she instead immediately pushed herself up from the ground, making her biceps bulge.

The boys called out for a yellow card, but all Elisa did was laugh at them and remind them of their comments beforehand about ‘girls being too weak to play football with them’. You quietly stood up and smiled at Elisa for fighting for her spot. You knew it was difficult for girls to argue with boys like them, and Elisa doing it shows her passion for the sport.

Elisa saw you smiling in the corner of her eyes, and when she turned to look at you completely, her face turned crimson red. She bit her lip and turned back to look at Paul on the ground, feeling a small sense of victory. Yes, I won her over.

You weren’t aware that Elisa had thought about this moment for too long too. It was unusual to see you acknowledge her, and she had begged for something to happen between you ever since the walk after prom. Seeing your beaming smile because of something she did made her brain shut down for a second. Especially after what happened at prom, she’s worried if she’s reaching for an inaccessible relationship.

Sam knew about this new fascination of Elisa’s arms in class that day, when you nudged her quickly and subtly gestured to Elisa with your head when she walked past the both of you to her seat. She gave you a confused look, mumbling a small ‘what’. But you pointed at your bicep, flexing your weak arm to show her what you meant. She turned around to glance at Elisa's arms for a second and turned back to look at you with a disappointed glance, making you shyly shrug with a simple ‘her arms are stronger than all of the boys here’.

And from that day, Sam has subtly brought up Elisa's arms in every discussion you have. At first it was funny, but nowadays it causes you to panic, feeling horrified at the idea of her knowing about your crush. 

“Each tent will have four people in them, there are enough students for four tents for boys excluding James since he’s on a trip now, but for the girls there is an extra girl. One of the groups will have to compromise and let her join, okay?” Mr. Nick's close voice caused you to jump out of your seat, waking you up from the daydreams again about elisa.

“Sir, I'm not going.” Sam raised her hand, causing you to glare at her.

“Perfect. Y/n, why don't you sit with the Powerpuff girls at the back.” His hand rested on your shoulder, one of the disadvantages of being his favorite student and sitting in front. You gave him a soft nod at his reassuring smile, bending down to pick up your bag.

You glanced back to Sam, whispering quietly, “I can't believe you're making me do this alone, we'll talk about this later.”

“You're sleeping with Ms. Buff arms, have fun.” She whispered back with a cheeky smile and a subtle wink, causing you to stop packing and gape at her for a second. You had completely forgotten about what all of this is for, realizing that out of every girl group in this class it's with them. You didn't have a problem with either Katoto and Fleur. But when it comes to Elisa, you cannot be sleeping in the same place as her.

You sighed audible, taking your backpack and walking to the back of the class. Grinning at Fleur and Marie as you sat in the empty seat of the four-seat table.

“Hey,” you whispered in the middle of the table, letting them know you've sat with them since both Marie and Fleur were sneakily on their phones and Elisa doodling on her notebook. Elisa hummed at your approach, not even glancing at you.

“I’ll bring the tent.” Fleur said looking up from her phone, glancing at you and the girls. You breathed out, at least one of them isn’t ignoring you and actually looked at you from them.

“Guys imagine bringing snacks and staying up all night? We have to do that!” Elisa suddenly gasped, she grabbed Marie's bicep since they were sitting next to each other. “Fleur, what type of snacks do you want?”

You felt a sudden energy of sadness in you, not used to the feeling of being left out. You knew she was not purposefully trying to ignore you, but it felt like shit. Your mind kept reminding you of her Facebook post, that all of the things both of you went through (which isn't much…and you knew it), was all friendly. And she doesn't think you are pretty enough for her to talk to you.

“I don't care, sour patch kids and cheetos but you can bring the whole store and I'll eat anything.” Fleur shrugged, her fingers awkwardly tapping on the table.

“I can get the snacks.” You finally spoke out, voice slightly cracking when Elisa looked into your eyes across from you. You turned to your left to check on Fleur, and she nodded with a satisfied ‘okay’. Elisa shrugged, writing on her notebook ‘snacks’ under your initials.

“I'll bring the sleeping-bags… I already have four from family trips.” Elisa awkwardly mumbled, writing the things she needed under her name. 

“Make sure Alex didn't shit on them, I don't want to take his.”

“Hell no I'm taking mine, you either take my parents’ or Alex's.”

“Fleur, take Alex's, imagine what her parents did on theirs.” Marie covering her face from Elisa with the palm of her hand as she ‘attempted’ to wink.

“Ew weirdo, they're literally divorced.” Elisa moved her body so she could see Marie’s face, but what she didn't realize is that she got really close to you by propping herself on the table with her hands, and sitting on her knees so she could move freely around the table and look at Marie. You panicked and pushed your seat slightly back, making Fleur notice and glancing at you for a second before turning back to them, “what are you gonna get?”

“I don't know… I'll get board games! Like Uno or something.” She exclaimed until she saw Elisa's disappointed face, “Okay fine I'll think of something else.”

The table went quiet, you looked around waiting for someone to say something. But Elisa just folded her arms on the table and rested her head on them to sleep.

You sighed as you look at the list,

“Elisa - sleeping bags

Fleur - tent

MAK - games?

Me - snacks Cheetos, sour patch kids, and anything”

While Elisa was sleeping, you kept glancing at her grown hair. You can't look at her for too long, or else you might end up having a meltdown. It bothered you that for the first time you had an actual crush, she doesn't even think you're pretty. A deep frown was stuck to your face, and you didn't care if Fleur, Marie or everyone in class noticed. All you wished is for her to see you the way you did.

Elisa wasn't sleeping, she did try to take a nap but her head kept distracting her. And the thought of you sleeping next to her is suffocating her. Would you wear a silk mini dress? Or a silly mickey mouse pjs? It doesn't matter, because she knew she would be a blushing mess no matter what you were wearing.

She was also thinking about what Marie and Fleur are gonna do. She knew that they liked playing risky games, what if they put the both of you together for seven minutes of heaven? Or dared you to kiss? They wouldn't do that. No way, right? What if when you watch a movie they force you and her to cuddle? She can't let them know the effects you have on her, because they would definitely try and set them up together.

“Eli stop being depressed, it's literally your birthday.” Fleur groaned out, reaching her hand to mess up Elisa's hair.

You glanced back at Fleur and then looked back to Elisa. Eli? Wait… maybe Fleur is the pretty girl she was talking about in that post. Or maybe they're just friends. You gave Samantha nicknames all the time! Sam, Sammy…it could be a friendly gesture, not a flirty one.

But your mind was lost, and the idea of them both going to prom reminded you that whatever relationship you want with her is never gonna happen…not when Fleur plays her hobby in the same academy as her and touches her hair and body all the time.

Elisa, or Eli, looked up with a fake animated pout, “stop… I already know you're gonna do something once we go training.”

Marie's head was pushed back from laughter, “should we put glue in her deodorant this time?”

“Ew! what the fuck?”

“I saw that from one of those DIY pranks on youtube.” She shrugged, tears rolling from her eyes looking at Elisa's horrified face.

You didn't say anything, feeling ashamed at not doing anything for her birthday. In your defense, you didn't know. But there was still guilt at the thought of bringing nothing for her. 

You were also feeling flustered, not at the gift part, but at the feeling that started blooming in you when looking at Elisa that way. The pouty face, the panicked, and the frustrated expressions. Even if Elisa was ugly crying with snot going down her mouth, you'd still be blushing. It was a lot for you, too much in a span of 5 minutes. It didn't help that Elisa's hair had grown and now looks like a bird's nest from Fleur's hand.

Fleur tugged Elisa's hand, “we're not gonna do that, we will probably get kicked out of the academy.”

Elisa shut her eyes and sighed loudly, “thank the lord.” Making the whole table softly giggle and go silent.

It was awkward, maybe for you only. So you took a risk, “Happy birthday Elisa, sorry I didn't get a gift…I didn't know until now.”

She looked up from her scribbles to you and gave you a small smile, “no worries, I'm not really expecting one from anyone in here anyways.”

“I'm pretty sure we can do something on camp day, right girls?” Maybe you can get her something on Friday, “like a mini party at night? Unless you guys have to sleep early for football, of course.”

Fleur looked at the girls at the table, having a silent conversation with their eyes only. Your hands were starting to feel clammy. Oh God, what if they're talking shit about me? What if I sound so desperate now?

“That's a cute idea, sure!” Fleur smiled at you, she looked back at Elisa, now having a suspicious face and glancing at everyone around the table, “we don't have training on Saturdays, we have a match on Sundays though. But it's okay, they're always in the afternoon or evenings so we don't have to wake up early.”

You turned to look at Elisa, but her eyes remained on Fleur next to you. Take a risk,  you reminded yourself, it worked last time.

You tapped her hand making her turn to look at you, “don't worry, no pranks. Just a small birthday party.” You gave her a smile.

Elisa looked at your eyes, it had been long since she had actually tried to maintain eye contact with your eyes (she was clearly blind not to notice the struggle isn't one-sided), her cheeks turned slightly pink, enough for you to smile even larger, “Ugh, thanks. I just want you to know that you really don't have to do all of that.”

“Why not? You know, in some places like Mexico and Latin America, they celebrate the 15th birthday like weddings! It's called quinceañera. They invite a lot of people and wear fancy dresses. It's sweet, and I know I don't have to do it, but I want to.”

Marie's eyes were wide as she gave a knowing look to Fleur, the table remained quiet for a few seconds as the both of them were communicating with their eyes.

Elisa was not just pink, she was red as a cherry now. She let out a giggle at what you said and just gave out a shrug, knowing if she tried to say something it would either be dumb or just a long minute of stuttering.

For the first time, it wasn't embarrassment or awkwardness that was filling you from this silence, it was hope. Hope that maybe there could be something that you can make from the relationship, especially after Elisa's blushing mess.

After a minute of praying that all of this would end, Elisa's prayers were answered when your teacher asked for everyone to move back into their seats.

When you sat back down next to Sam, she turned to look at you with a knowing smirk, “how was it?”

“Did you know it's Elisa's birthday today?” You quickly asked her, turning your body now to the front of the class since the lesson will actually start.

“No, are you doing something for her?” She asked, hoping you'd say something that will make her ‘theory’ true.

“Not now, but in camp I'm gonna get her something. What should I get her?” You remained facing the teacher as you replied.

Sam smiled, holding in her laugh, “I don't know…maybe football boots?”

You thought for a second before shrugging off what she said, “no, they're too expensive and I don't know her shoe size.”

“Hmm…I don't know, we'll figure it out later.”

You nodded at what she said before continuing writing the notes.

___

Your father sighed quietly when he saw the bill, “all of this? A cake? And a… what even is that?” He took a sip of the dark cup of coffee he had, staring at some old romcom show on TV.

“It's for the camp out thing, I told you before me and mama left,” You glanced at his distracted face, glad that the show is making him less angry than how he would've reacted without it. “It's a mini cake! For my friend's birthday. And that thing is a bracelet set, so I can make jewelry.” You calmly spoke out.

“Ugh fine, just let me know when you buy the whole store next time.” He groaned out, shrugging you off with his hand.

“Thanks, love you.” You bent down and kissed his head, running off to your room to pack your things.

You grabbed a gym bag, something your mom abandoned for years. And started filling them with essentials, pads, underwear, your hello kitty pj's that you weren't embarrassed by, some emergency products in case anything happened.

You brought another bag for all of the snacks, making sure the cake box is placed on top so it doesn’t get mushed. Turning around your room, you opened the bracelet making kit and stared at the beads. Would Elisa wear a bracelet? They aren’t a very feminine thing, and you were sure if you used masculine colors she would be okay with it.

The problem is that you were not sure if she would accept it from you. You weren’t close with her, why would she wear something you made her? She doesn’t even wear any jewelry in the first place! You rolled your eyes as you groaned loudly, dropping your body backwards on your bed. You knew you were overthinking it, but you really wanted her to like you. It felt like elementary days, where the kids would buy gifts for their classmates to gain a friendship.

Deciding to make her a black and white bracelet, the colors of a classic football and it was not ‘feminine’, something Elisa has avoided throughout the whole school semester.

After thirty minutes and an intense back stretch, you were finally satisfied with the product. You placed it in a small velvet bag, writing a small note in it that says ‘happy belated birthday, I don’t know if you like wearing jewelry like these, but I hope you would like this.’ You also decided to take the bracelet kit with you there too, maybe Marie or Fleur would want to make some at midnight.

___

It was already Friday, all of the students abandoning the teachers as they excitedly planned their evenings together. You were standing in the office, where the class kept their Camp Out equipment before classes started. It was already 4pm, and now you were meant to be moving to the park. You were shyly staring at your group, too scared to approach them. But Elisa turned around and spotted you, giving you a small wave so you could go there.

You grinned, giving her a wave back as you carried your three bags; your backpack, gym bag, and the beach bag that was filled with the snacks, “Hey, I brought everything here.”

Fleur turned to glance at you, “oh hey, thanks by the way.” She bent down and carried your things to the corner of the room.

“Oh, you don't have to do this. You're still injured!”

She shrugged you off, “don't worry about it.”

“Alright, let's move from the back door, walk across that football pitch, and go on that sidewalk.” The counselor called out.

You went down and carried your backpack, grabbing the other two heavy bags when Elisa's hand stopped you, “I got it.”

“You are already carrying 2 sleeping bags, it's okay.” You argued, but before you grasped the handles Elisa was already lifting them.

She turned to maintain eye contact with you, “It's fine.”

You nodded and followed the teachers. You were a few steps ahead from the other girls, but you were able to hear what they were saying.

“Yo, look at her back,” Katoto laughed out loud, “Elisa trying so hard to look strong.”

“Shut up!” Elisa whisper-shouted at both of the girls giggling. It was obvious that she was struggling with carrying the bags, but she wanted you to think of her as a strong girl.

You bit your lip, holding in the giggle that almost came out of you. The walk was long, and the bickering between the girls did not stop.

“Elisa, you're so strong, please come carry my things for me.” Fleur fake-groaned, obviously mocking Elisa's posture.

Marie was already in tears by now, clutching into her stomach from the pain. Elisa hoped that you couldn't hear any of the things they're saying or else she'd just die. But by the way your shoulders were vibrating, she knew that you had been laughing with them.

When the class reached the empty field, you went to the right side (the girl's section) and placed all of your things there. You looked at Elisa's red face, “thanks…you didn't have to carry all of them.”

Elisa threw everything roughly on the ground, her shoulders and back too damaged to care about the safety of the products inside your bag, “oh no…I'm fine.” She nodded towards you, twisting her torso and trying to stretch the pained muscle on her lower back.

You giggled seeing her like this and nodded back, going over to Marie and opening the big tent bag. While trying to stabilize the tent edge into the ground, you saw a shadow crouch down next to you, “Hey y/n… you can have my sleeping bag tonight.”

When you turned to look at your right, your face blushed at how close she was. Her eyes were burning yours, trying to see a reaction of discomfort from how close she is to you. But she found none, other than a slight shaky breath and pinkish cheeks.

“Are you sure? It's yours.”

Elisa placed her shaky hands on top of yours, tightening the fabric of the tent into the ground when she realized it was loose, “I can sleep in my mom's or dad's… I feel like it would be inappropriate of me to just give you theirs and not mine.”

“What about Marie and Fleur?” You asked, glancing at the both of them adjusting the other corners.

“Pfft who cares about them, they can sleep on the ground.” Elisa shrugged them off, making you laugh.

“Wow…I'm sure they would be disappointed at your loyalty.” You sarcastically gasped.

Elisa smiled shyly, getting closer to the point where your shoulders were sticking to each other, “oh please…our relationship is just us bullying each other.”

It was a minute of silence between you guys, the both of you not wanting to leave the other. It was until Fleur groaned out as she stood up, looking at the both of you ‘adjusting’ the corner and giving Marie a suspicious nudge.

Marie looked at the both of you and winked at Fleur, “guys let's put the things inside!”

The both of you quietly sighed in disappointment, standing up and grabbing all of the bags inside and organizing the place.

“Wow you brought all of these snacks?” Fleur gasped as she looked through the beach bag, “wait, what is that?”

She pointed at the cake box, “shh… that's Elisa's birthday cake.”

Fleur nodded as she got closer to the cake, “what flavor is it?”

“Chocolate with vanilla frosting,” You responded, “I felt like Elisa would like that…no?”

Fleur remained silent for a second before turning to look at Elisa, “Hey Elisa, isn't strawberry your favorite cake flavor?”

You huffed out and turned the other way, I guess she didn't hear me when I said ‘shhh’, you looked at Elisa as she gave Fleur a disgusted look, “ew no what the fuck?”

Fleur rolled her eyes in annoyance, “oh come on, is it too girly for you?”

Elisa glared at Fleur, “no it just tastes like anything but strawberries.” She laid down the sleeping bags in order before adding, “chocolate is my favorite, I thought you'd know this.”

Fleur turned and gave you a surprised look, “wow I guess y/n knows Elisa more than us.”

It was obvious Fleur was teasing the both of you, and the way Marie was smirking on the side didn't help Elisa's panic. Was her attraction that obvious? What if you think it's gross the way they're joking?

There was a moment of silence, Elisa glaring at both of her friends while you organized your stuff on the corner. A shadow came by the tent door, “Girls go out, we have some tasks for you!”

Marie gaped at the door, “I thought this camp was supposed to be fun!”

“Stop complaining and go out now!”

“Okay, miss!” You yelled out before rolling your eyes. Today is going to be a long day.

----

“Here is your pizza.” Elisa placed a cheese pizza next to you and sat there. You stopped touching the small cut on your toe and looked up, “hey, thanks.”

Elisa nodded, looking at the bloody toe you have, “I will get you a bandaid once we go to our tents, okay? I can clean up the cut too.”

You felt your cheeks turn hot at Elisa’s gentleness towards you. Instead of responding to her, you just gave her a shy smile and bit into your pizza.

Fleur and Katoto sat further away from the both of you. Usually, they would get jealous and frustrated at how Elisa is basically ignoring their existence. But you were an exception, especially when this is the first time they see Elisa this way with anyone. As well as, seeing you have a crush on someone… someone that’s a girl and their bestfriend.

Elisa wanted you to see her as a responsible person, someone that can help you whenever you need it. She carried your stuff, made your sleeping ‘corner’, helped you walk when you tripped over a rock and hurt yourself, gave you your dinner, and now offered to clean up your cut. She just hoped that it wouldn't overwhelm you, and maybe you’d realize that she is just an annoying, clingy person that doesn’t understand boundaries.

But you never complained, only looking down and avoiding eye contacts with a sheepish smile. There was some hope, that maybe you’d actually see her the way she sees you, and maybe you actually like girls. That’s a thought Elisa is currently trying to avoid, too afraid to hurt herself the more she thinks about it.

You took a few bites from the large pizza slice before turning to Elisa, “Hey… I got you a mini gift,” You placed your left hand into your pocket and pulled out the mini jewelry bag, placing it delicately into her palm. “I hope you like it.”

She smiled shyly as she tightly grasped it, “you didn't have to get me a gift.”

You avoided eye contact while taking a bite, “I know, but I wanted to.”

“Guys if you're done, get your pajamas and go back to the school building to change,” one of the teachers yelled out, “there are lights around the school so it won't be too dark.”

You turned to look at Fleur and Marie, signaling with your head if you should go now or wait. They nodded and slowly stood up, their legs too sore from sitting for too long.

You placed your left palm on the ground to push yourself up, but you saw Elisa standing up and reaching out for your hands. Everything was overwhelming you, she was too gentle and sweet with you. And it horrified you to know that all of this can be a friendly gesture, that all Elisa wants is some pretty girl that definitely wasn't you.

The group walked to the bathrooms with their clothes, Fleur and Marie changed in the same cubicle, claiming that they're making more space for others who want to change. Elisa went to one alone while you did the same, getting slight deja vu from the first week of school.

You were out first, braiding your thick long hair. Some of your other classmates were also in the restroom with you, so you decided to have a chat with them while you waited on the others.

“Augh fuck guys,” Elisa groaned out from her cubicle. Opening the door slightly with pink cheeks and a shameful look.

You looked worriedly, stepping forward to check if she hurt herself on something. But she shied away and hid herself from the door, “Hey Elisa…is everything okay?”

“Umm…yeah, I just got my period I guess.” She muttered weakly, too embarrassed at herself for not tracking the days or even bringing something with her.

“It's okay…do you want pads or tampons? I've got some stuff.” You whispered back, it's obvious she didn't want the others to know about it.

“Can I get a tampon?” She asked, opening the door slightly so you can hear her better.

But you froze, you didn't want to admit it but she looked precious this way. You thought that you've been strong this whole day, but seeing her vulnerable in front of you made you feel weak in the knees.

You nodded quickly, going to your bag and pulling out one. You rushed to the cubicle and handed it, “I'm gonna do something, just meet me at the tent, okay?”

She gave you a soft smile in gratitude and nodded, before shutting the door.

You took a heating bag from your never-ending bag and decided to go to the school kitchen, hoping it would be open and whoever is in there would allow you to use some of the equipment.

When you got in, you noticed one of the janitors. Thankfully, she was a sweet old lady that loved you. When you told her what happened, she gave you an understanding glance before pouring hot water into the bag you had.

When you reached the tent, you noticed all of them sitting in a circle. They were whispering into each other, and it seemed as though Elisa was embarrassed and frustrated with what they were saying. When she saw you at the door, she sat up, “she's here.”

“Hey guys, I had to go to the kitchen for this.” You raised the bag, and delicately gave it to Elisa.

She placed it on her lower stomach, croaking a small ‘thank you’. She was worried if you heard their previous conversation, since it was about you. Fleur and Marie were making comments about how Elisa ignored them the whole time they were here. Even when they were watching a movie, Elisa was near you in some way. That's how she came and helped you out when you fell, the memory of her catching you is still vivid in her mind, your body felt so soft in her arms. 

“Let's play truth and dare!” Fleur jumped to the ‘trash’ corner and grabbed one of the empty bottles.

“Nope, I'm not playing.” Elisa moved away from the group, going to her ‘corner’.

“Oh come on, what's wrong with playing this?” Marie groaned loudly, going over to Elisa to pull her back into the circle.

You were still standing by Elisa's now empty spot, too shy to sit down. What if they didn't want you to play with them?

“I know what you guys wanna do, and I'm honestly not in the mood for all of this.” Elisa snapped, slapping Marie's hand away from her, “especially now.”

You turned the other way, pulling out some book from your bag to read. You felt shame all over you, it's obvious that she doesn't want to play with them because you're around. You didn't understand, she was attached to you all day, and now she doesn't want to play with you?

Marie smacked Elisa’s hand again, pointing discreetly at your discomfort. She leaned into Elisa and whispered, “you’re making her feel sad…she thinks you don't want her to play with us.”

“That’s not why I don’t wanna play.” Elisa whispered back, watching you as you read some romance novel in your hand.

“But that’s what she thinks,” she tapped Elisa’s shoulder before going to the middle of the tent with Fleur. The both of them are curious on what Elisa would do to make you join.

Elisa groaned internally, she has been too affectionate with you this whole day. Would you be grossed out by her admiration and gentleness?

She slowly walked up to you, “hey… do you wanna play with us?”

You glanced up to look at her, “umm…if you want me to play with you.”

Elisa’s heart broke when she heard your voice crack from insecurity. She didn’t mean for this to happen, she just didn’t want to scare you off from Fleur or Marie’s questions, “of course we want you to play with us…c’mon.” reached out her hand for you to grab, and she felt her muscles relax when you placed your soft hands on hers.

When you both sat in the circle, she was next to you. Marie smiled at you, happy that you accepted to play with them, and spinned the bottle. It awkwardly stopped when the cap was pointing at Fleur, “hmm…truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Fleur responded confidently, folding her arms on her chest.

“Okay…I dare you to like the first 5 posts of the first person that pops up on Facebook.”

Fleur glared at Marie, turning on her phone to see who would pop up, “Oh my God no…it’s my uncle. He’ll be so confused on why I’m liking posts from 2007.”

After many rounds of playing, Fleur’s bottle stopped at you. “Truth or dare, y/n?”

You paused for a second to think, considering the previous dares, you settled for truth.

“Umm…do you like Paul? We promise we won't tell.” 

“We're loners anyways we don't have anyone to tell us to.” Marie added, trying to make you more comfortable with them.

You remained silent for a few seconds, avoiding their eyes -especially Elisa's, “No, I don't like how he treats Elisa.”

Elisa perked up when she heard what you said. Flashbacks from prom night came crashing into her, 

“I don’t care about him.” You gulped the water and threw the paper cup in the trash.

“Did he hurt you?” She stepped closer to you as the loud music was making it difficult for her to hear you. But your flustered state made you step back, “no, he just said something rude about someone I care about…”

Was he talking about her? Did you care about her that much?

Elisa's cheeks were too pink to be ignored, Fleur smirked and decided to ask you another question, “so before Elisa was here, did you like him?”

You were still a little shaken at the question, “I don't think so…maybe a small crush I guess. I think I just missed our friendship more, since we knew each other since we were kids.”

They nodded, before agreeing that they should stop playing truth or dare and find another game. You were already exhausted, so you made it clear that you'll just head to sleep.

“But it's only 11,” Elisa pouted at what you said, disappointed that you won't get to spend time with her.

You were cleaning up around the sleeping bag to save up time from tomorrow morning. You peeped next to you and saw Elisa sitting there, “Hey again,”

She smiled at your voice and gave you a soft ‘hey’ back.

“I guess we should just talk before sleeping, yeah?” You teased her, feeling happy that you have company before sleeping.

“Yeah… I guess I wanted to just tell you that,” she paused, too lost in your eyes, making the conversation difficult for the both of you, “...you don't have to avoid Paul because of what he's doing to me.”

You frustratingly shook your head, “no Elisa. He's rude and annoying, I don't like people like that,” you looked down at your hands as you whispered the last part, “I just want a sweet, gentle…person who wouldn't mock or laugh at people”

Elisa nodded in understanding, before leaning down to meet your eyes, “Okay…I get it.”

You were grateful at the comfortable atmosphere you guys have, but a question was running in your mind as you bit your lip in thought, “Hey Elisa…I have a question,”

Elisa heard your timid voice, scooting closer to you to the point of your shoulders touching, “Yeah?”

“I know you like women,” you admitted quickly, looking at her eyes to see if there is any discomfort.

She grinned before replying, “one, that's not a question. That's a statement. Two, I think everyone knows that.”

You exhaled slowly when you realized she isn't uncomfortable with you knowing. And a slight blush came into your cheeks as you realized that she does like girls. Elisa likes girls! “umm… I didn't want to assume! After prom, I felt guilty for making you walk home alone so I went into your Facebook to check if you're okay and found a post that said something like… ‘I wish I knew how to talk to pretty girls.’... I guess I just connected the dots.”

Élisa's eyes widened, “wait…my Facebook account isn't private?!”

You quickly shook your head, mumbling a quick ‘nope’.

“Oh… I guess I have to change that. But oh well,” she shrugged on the last part.

Elisa can see you stare at her, and a feeling of panic started rising in her chest.

“Did your barber go on a holiday or are you trying a new haircut?” You joked, pointing at Elisa's longish hair now. It was covering her forehead and swooped to her right.

She laughed at what you said, raising her hair to make sure it looks neat, “I wanted to try something new.”

“It looks like Justin Bieber… you know the haircut. I don't know about the voice.”

She gave you a fake offended look, before replying, “well…do you think Justin is cute?”

You bit your lip in thought, “no…blonds aren't my thing.”

Elisa's eyes were locked with yours, she was starting to breathe heavily. Something in her is telling her that this conversation isn't just a random one, it means something. “What about brown haired people?”

Swallowing your spit before subtly biting your lip teasingly, “you mean brunettes?”

Elisa embarrassingly nodded, hoping that she doesn't look desperate waiting for your response.

“Brunettes are my type, yeah.” You gave her a grin, waiting for what she would do next.

“Good,” Elisa responded, involuntarily moving her hand to play with her hair again, “what about eyes?”

You blushed deeply, “I like brown eyes…soft and sweet to look at. Sometimes blue or green eyes are just too…sharp? Harsh? I don't know.”

Elisa hummed in agreement, turning her body slightly to glance at Marie and Fleur. She wanted to signal to them that maybe something is happening between you guys. But both of them were too busy playing Uno.

“Who do you find pretty, Elisa,” you breathed out, making Elisa turn to look at you in a flustered state, “what's your type in girls?”

Elisa clenched her jaw tightly while thinking. What was she supposed to say? That you're exactly her type? “I like brun- brunettes too. I like girls that are soft spoken and delicate, that care about others,” she was lost in thought as her fingers were playing with your bracelet, “long hair…I like it when they have long hair.”

You on the other hand were trying not to scream or run away. You didn't want to think highly of yourself, but that sounds like you right? You distractingly reached out for your long braid, waiting for Elisa to stop playing with her fingers and look at you.

When she didn't, you decided to ask her another question, “how did your parents react?...I mean if you came out.”

Elisa turned to look at you, “I didn't have to come out. I've always been this way,” she scratched her neck, “I mean… I never had long hair, always wanted to do the same thing as my brother. And I also had this obvious crush on a girl in my class when I was like 5 years old, they knew all about it.”

You nodded, “I can't imagine you with long hair.”

Elisa laughed, “I can't imagine myself with long hair, it would be a disaster.”

“So…are you bisexual, or a lesbian?”

Elisa eyebrows furrowed, how did you even know these terms? They weren't something you hear a lot in public, “I can't ever like a man…they're just ‘eh’.”

You giggled before scooting closer to her, “Okay.”

Elisa thought for a moment, “why do you like boys?”

You shrugged with a pout on your face, “I don't think it's a choice you know. But for now…I don't like any guy.” 

Elisa's body physically relaxed as she exhaled. Hearing that you don't like a guy right now made her feel hopeful, “Well…who from the class is the closest to your type?”

You rolled your eyes before crawling to the door and zipping it open, “I wonder what are they doing right now,” you stuck your head out, the cool wind making the small baby hair around your head fly. Elisa pulled the tent door more open to stick her head next to you too.

From the dim lights of the school and the moonlight, a slight shadow was seen from the ‘boys’ side of the pitch. It was clear the boys were wrestling, so Elisa made a joke, “wow, they're fucking already?”

You gasped loudly as you gaped at Elisa. She guiltily looked away from you with a quick, “sorry.”

You cackled before staring at the shadows again, “you know what? They're already shirtless.”

Her body relaxed near you and continued staring at them, “Ugh, they're so gross.”

“I don't even understand how they're shirtless in this weather.” You shivered at the thought of being naked in the weather.

Elisa turned to look at your thin t-shirt and whispered to you, “are you cold?”

You looked down at your shirt, “oh no…I'm fine.”

Elisa can read the lie in your face, she rolled her eyes as she started to remove the black jacket she was wearing over her plain gray shirt, “I can see you y/n,” she handed it to you, “it's January I don't know what you were thinking.”

You groaned in embarrassment, “they said this January would be hot! That's why they moved Camp Out to today…it was usually in March,” you wore her jacket, “it seems that I'm always cold around you.”

“And I'm always there to warm you up.”

You blushed as you shifted your body to face her, she smiled and did the same as now the both you were right in front of each other, “feeling cold isn't the only feeling I have around you.”

Elisa's eyes widened, she hopes that maybe you're referring to romantic feelings. She leaned in closer, looking deeply into your eyes, “what feeling?”

You sighed as you leaned in closer, “Elisa…you know it.”

Elisa smiled in satisfaction, internally thanking Mr.Nick for placing you in her camp group, “what? Feeling sad?”

You rolled your eyes, “no.”

Elisa sarcastically hummed in thought, getting closer to you as your foreheads were touching, “what feeling?”

You let out a huff, it's either now or never. Your eyes fluttered close and you leaned in to kiss her. Elisa barely felt your lips, it was obvious that you were nervous. But even with the softest touch, Elisa's eyes were automatically shut close as she exhaled from her nose.

You leaned back before muttering, “I hope that shows you what feeling.”

Elisa's smile was bright, she got closer to you before whispering, “I think I need more to clarify.”

She leaned in and captured your lips, this time it was a firm kiss. Elisa placed her palm on the back of your neck as she tried to deepen the kiss, but you shyly backed away.

Elisa would've felt offended if she hadn't seen your flustered state, she kept her hand on your neck as she waited for you to speak.

“Sorry…that was my first kiss, I got nervous.”

Elisa smiled in understandment, she knew the feeling too. Her reddish cheeks and shaky hand on your neck showed everyone around her that she was struggling to keep calm.

“It's my first kiss too.”

There was a moment of silence as the both of you were smiling at each other. You shakenly placed your hand at the back of her neck, softly tugging and playing with her hair.

Elisa's eyes closed as she sighed loudly, “I thought for the longest time that you didn't like me,”

Your brows furrowed in confusion, “what? How?”

“...you were talkative to everyone but never talked to me.”

Elisa's insecurity was shown from her timid voice. You frowned in disappointment, “I never meant it that way…I guess I was too shy around you.”

Elisa lightly cuddled her head onto your shoulder. She was too shy to face you after the kiss, “Do I make you nervous?”

You lightly slapped her head, “dude you literally just said that I talked to everyone except you.”

Elisa gasped as she fake-glared at you, “don't ‘dude’ me!”

You sarcastically rolled your eyes and pushed her shoulder away from you, “whatever, I’m going to sleep now,” you covered yourself under the sleeping bag and closed your eyes, before whispering “goodnight.”

Elisa had a beaming smile, she leaned closer to your silhouette and gave you a soft kiss on your forehead, “Goodnight y/n…I don’t think I can sleep after this but I’ll try.”

With a soft smile, you fell asleep almost immediately. It felt like a heavy weight just dropped from your shoulder. Everything is different now, and you knew it too. You didn’t know what would happen in the morning or how things would work out with her, but it didn’t matter right now. The feeling of Elisa’s lips was still lingering on yours, and if you licked your lips you’d be able to taste the vanilla chapstick she always uses.

Elisa remained sitting next to your sleeping bag, she was heaving quietly from the shock of everything. Is this a dream or a joke? The idea of you being gay and liking her is making her internally jump in joy. She turned to Marie and Fleur, but the both of them were gaping at her. Fleur had a smirk while Marie had a look of disgust.

Elisa speed-crawled to the both of them, grabbing the Uno cards from their hands and shuffling them, “did you guys see that?”

“Yes?!” Fleur exclaimed, she smacked Elisa’s arm in a joking manner, “I can’t believe she’s gay…and she kissed you!”

“Shhh… guys I’m panicking, what am I gonna do?”

“Take it slow, we have around 4 months before the summer…If you’re not so annoying, you guys can date and when we have the U-17 tournament, she can come there with us and be like Victoria Beckham…absolute WAG.” Marie made a gesture with her hands for the girls to see the vision. But Elisa slapped them away, “You’re thinking of that summer tournament while I’m thinking of our first date. Marie, you’re so fucking useless oh my God.”

“okay…Elisa calm down,” Fleur intervened, she glanced back at your sleeping silhouette, “Eli…not to ruin your mood, but who says she’s gay? This could be some sort of phase or an experiment for her since you’re the first masculine girl she probably ever saw.”

Elisa’s smile dropped at what Fleur said, “That can’t be…she kissed me first.”

“Okay? She might be confused with her emotions.”

Elisa sighed loudly as she dropped her face to her hands, rubbing her face roughly, “It’s okay…we’ll take it slow. And if she doesn’t like me that way, she can tell me.”

Fleur gave her a tight-lipped smile and pulled her in for a hug, “yeah, that would be great.”

[elliespassagerprincess]

wait I’m so curious to the angst fic you wrote to in my feelings - ldr :0 cuz I would’ve never interpret it into an angst fic! Do you think you can publish that one too? No pressure! 💕

In my feelings - (ellie williams x reader)

Hi anon, here she is! I hope you enjoy <3

This story is based off the song in my feelings by Lana Del Rey, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:) This was originally a smut fic. You can read it here, but this wonder anon requested a angst edition, so yes.

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one:)

Warnings: toxic situationship

Summary: In which you fell for a loser

Authors note: i know I've not been that active and I'm so sorry. Life has just been busy, i have to write exams, i have a surgery on Thursday so it's been tense lmao, but I'm trying. Please be patient with me <3

I'm smoking while I'm runnin' on my treadmill

But I'm cutting up roses

Could it be that I fell for another loser

I'm crying while I'm cummin'

Making love while I'm making good money

Sobbin' in my cup of coffee

'Cause I fell for another loser

"Could it be that I fell for another loser?" You asked Dina as the cigarette smoke left your plush lips.

You heard Dina snort beside you.

"probably, she looks like she could be one, and she treats you like shit" she shrugged"

you shook your head at her honesty.

It's embarrassing honestly. You truly did have a type for losers.

People who couldn't make eye contact with you. People who would fold as soon as you gave them your pretty smile. You had the control, but yet anything you had with these people weren't real love. It was purely lust. It was fun.

You liked being in control, you liked breaking them.

But with Ellie it was different.

You met Ellie at a gym.

She caught you eye immediately. She was perfect. Her autumn brown hair tied in a tight ponytail, she was wearing pink leggings with a matching sports bra. The sweat on her forehead glistening under the light of the gym.

If god was real this pretty girl would be in your bed by the end of the night

You ran on the treadmill for a while, trying to ignore the pretty girls eyes. You saw her watching you though the mirror. You felt her eyes trail down your body.

Maybe she wanted you like you wanted her.

After a while you tried leaving the gym, you lit a cigarette as you walked out, your bag hung on your shoulder.

"Hi"

you flinched at the strange voice.

Oh. It was her.

Pink tight girl.

"Hey" you responded.

You saw her gaze fall to the floor as she shyly muttered "I'm Ellie"

What a fucking loser. She couldn't even look at you.

You loved her already.

You gave her your name, and you listened as it fell from her tongue multiple time. She was testing the was your name tasted on her tongue and she loved it.

"Those are bad for you" she pointed out you shrugged

"it makes me look hot, doesn't it?" Was all you said as you took another puff, throwing your head back as the smoke filled the air.

You felt her eyes on you, and you heard her audibly gulp.

"Doesn't it Ellie?" you persisted

"yeah- yeah it does"

you gave her a smile, and before you waved goodbye she handed you a paper. With a raised eyebrow you opened it and in a messy handwriting was her number.

You looked at her and she looked away, she couldn't make eye contact with you.

All you could do was smirk, they were always so fucking easy to make nervous.

"I'll call you" you winked.

Now here you stood 5 weeks later, sobbing into a cup of coffee because you fell for a fucking loser.

Get that cigarette smoke out of my face

You've been wasting my time

While you're taking what's mine, with the things that you're doing

Talk that talk, well now they all know your name

And there's no coming back from the place that you came

Baby don't do it

you don't know what happened with Ellie.

The girl you called a loser once, the girl who fell to her knees when you smiled is suddenly a cold hearted person.

"Get that cigarette smoke out of my face" Ellie huffed as she sat across you.

You rolled your eyes before you put the cigarette out.

"Ellie calm down so we can talk"

"talk about what? You're wasting my time with this"

your jaw dropped at her words.

'What a fucking bitch' you thought to yourself.

"I'm wasting your fucking time? Ellie don't make me mad because I will fucking slap you"

she looked taken aback at your harsh words, her cheeks tined in a pink color.

Her eyes fell to the floor, and for a second you saw her.

Your Ellie.

The loser you fell for.

But she suddenly got up muttering "I will not be disrespected by someone like you", and she walked out of your apartment. The door slammed and you were left alone.

The silence was so loud.

There was no coming back from this.

The more time you spent with Ellie, the more you discovered about her. She used to be so sweet.

You remembered your first date, she couldn't even hold your hand and she constantly apologized for everything.

She was a fucking loser.

But one day someone said that Ellie was out of your league. You knew she was. Some like Ellie deserved someone better, but yet you thought she fell for you.

That day changed everything. Ellie's eyes widened at the person's comment and she was quieter than usual that day.

The next time you saw her, she was a whole new person. Her entire persona changed. Her hair, makeup, style, even the way she fucking walked changed.

You were happy that she had confidence, but you found out she was seeing other people behind your back.

Despite never being official it hurt.

You knew Ellie could talk to whoever she wanted to, but you thought you had something special.

One night when Ellie was sleeping over, you asked her the question.

"What are we?"

she never replied.

Every fucking time you brought it up, she always walked away.

What a fucking loser. What a fucking pussy.

Even today, you invited her over to talk. To see if she liked you. You needed closure because truthfully you fell for the autumn brown headed girl.

You just had to make sure.

And to hear her say that you were wasting her time was fucking sick.

She was wasting yours with her games.

And here you thought you had actually met a loser worth your time.

'Cause you got me in my feelings (catch you, it's so much right now)

Talking in my sleep again (you can whistle if you want)

Drown out all our screaming (catch you, it's so much right now)

Who's tougher than this bitch

Who's free-er than me

You wanna make the switch

Be my guest baby

I'm feeling all my fucking feelings

you wish you could sleep right now. You were tired, and you didn't have any energy for bullshit.

Ellie's rant had begun after she spotted you and Dina getting lunch earlier.

Wow so you can't breathe the air of another girl but she can fuck someone else? That's wonderful logic!

But you sat here listening to Ellie yelling at you for some reason.

You wish you could drown put her screaming.

"Ellie can you just shut the fuck up!" you yelled.

You had enough of her mixed signals. You had enough of her practically cheating on you. You were tired.

"How dare you talk to me like that-" but before Ellie could end up yelling again you got up, pushing her against the wall.

"How dare I? How dare you! You fucking lead me on for weeks, then you freak out when I hang out with another girl! Ellie you are really fucking stupid" you said though heavy breathes.

Ellie stared at you with wide eyes.

There she is.

The girl you thought you had a chance with.

You took a step back, shaking your head and chuckling.

"You really are a fucking loser, how could I fall for someone like you?" You asked yourself.

Ellie heard.

She got up walking to you, she placed her hands on your shoulders "i-i like you. A lot. I just didn't know how to express myself- and- you made me so nervous so I thought I could make you j-jealous"

you shrugged her hands off your shoulders and you took another step back.

"That's not how relationships work Ellie, you ruined this yourself"

"Please listen-"

"get the fuck out"

Ellie sighed before she got up. She was on her way to the door, and she looked back at you for the last time.

"smoking is bad for you" she said with a sad smile.

You chucked at her words before responding "it makes me look hot doesn't it?"

"It really does"

you watched as Ellie walk out the door, you lit another cigarette.

As the smoke filled the air, like it has countless times before. you let out a sigh at the realization: you fell in love with another loser.

[supersonic1994]

I'm such a huge fan of your fics. silly little fics are fun and lovely but yours seem so thought out and psychologically nuanced. I was wondering, how do you go about writing these fics? what does your research process / writing process look like and when do you know you're happy with it? is there something you want to convey in each fic or just a feeling? love love kiss kiss as always and congrats on your good grades <3

This is the sweetest ask ever, thank you anon for putting a soppy little smile on my face ♥︎

The way I write fics is so hard to explain, because it's like being possessed. 90% of the fics are written in one sitting where I'll write them start to finish no bathroom breaks, no eating, no water, just me and my laptop. I'm not even really thinking clearly. I'm just writing from the soul and heart. I write what I know for the most part, and I attach myself to a certain emotion and just expand upon that in a literary sense, which is probably why my fics are very psychological. For me personally the atmosphere of a fic can make or break it—I want to convey the tone more than anything. Dialogue between characters don't matter as much to me.

Untitled was a bit different because I had to break it up into multiple chapters, and it was the longest thing I'd ever written. Maj helped me so very much because they were able to help me with research and also point out any errors before publishing, and they also helped with sentence flow. I love Maj as my editor, because I think our writing styles really work well together. But besides the technical aspects, the dark and heavy tone of Untitled came from my own emotions and feelings on the matter. I would usually camp out on my bed + play Untitled Demo and Poison Tree by Grouper on an hour long repeat while smoking copious amounts of weed, just letting myself bleed emotion onto the page. Besides time framing there wasn't much research that had to be put into that fic. It's all 100% emotion.

To See It only took two hours for me to write, and then I sent it to Maj for editing as well, and they did a spectacular job smoothing out sentences and fixing any spelling errors (a fact about me is that i despise editing and try to avoid it at all costs). To write it all i had to do was get inside Liams head, which sounds complicated but I've always been able to do so when it comes to writing. It's very easy to slip into the mind and skin of someone else if your heart is open wide wide wide

Rejection Theory i had to do some reading for, despite knowing that repression and ED'S went hand in hand (i used to go to hospital for an ED, so i was very aware of its affects psychologically) and I compiled mentions of noel's restrictive eating tendencies. It inspired me to write that fic, and so it's pretty self indulgent for the most part.

Deviant Peace, Flying High, To These Ends of Separation, Come On Baby Blue (Shake Up Your Tired Eyes), and My Sister Lover were just fun little ficlets where ideas sprung up thanks to the brothers tweets and/or lyrics. I didn't have to think too deeply on them—just let emotions guide me again. I like to have fun with it even if the subject matter can be a bit dark. I love realism.

Ghost Dancer is probably one of my least favourites because I think its mediocre but enough people seemed into it that i kept it. I wrote it when I was VERY new to oasis and had to simply get all those emotions out of my body

[billk4ulitzsecretlvr]

☆ °• Just once .. ? •° ☆

- kinda just b4 I post ! . A little preview on what this one shot is !

Contains : - smut, obv. Oral/penetration, male x male, not a req but a fic I've been wanting to do for a bit ! No agegap, no hard kinks at all really , probably just a bit of spit? Not proofread ! Enjoy ! (Or don't;) )

Edit : I came back to this multiple times without reading a bit of it beforehand , so if I'm repetitive during it I really apologize ☆

Alas, in a hotel where the boys could enjoy some down time. It wasn't at all very common that they got it in the last few weeks, especially on tour. The boys usually would have taken a break at this point, considering they're still basically teenagers and overworking wasn't exactly Bills favorite thing to do. Not lately, at least.

Yeah, it was fun. It was really fun. But he didn't like the lack of privacy, not at all.

Sure, the first maybe two years of being a band was a blast, it was enjoyable and Bill could've sworn it was the last thing he'd ever give up. It was every kids dream, wasn't it? Maybe not being in a band in particular, but definitely to be famous.

To feel liked by everyone, have people swoon for you? Be able to meet your favorite artists, to collab with people you've looked up to since..well, forever? Yeah, Bill had come to the conclusion that it wasn't all it was hyped up to be.

He brought his bag into the hotel room, not too worried about their suitcases since it was only for the night. He sat his black bag down on the nightstand, plopping down onto the bed as Tom followed close behind. The dreadhead smirked, cocking an eyebrow at Bills tired demeanor.

"What, all that sitting in your bunk and listening to music tire you out?" He snickered, patting Bills thigh. Bill just rolled his eyes.

"No.. more like the endless shows we've been doing for weeks on end. I've nearly lost my voice like..four times." He said, sitting up as he made eye contact with the more masculine boy.

"I guess playing the guitar is a bit different than yelling for about two hours."

"It is. Vastly." Bill agreed, seeing as Tom walked around the other side of the bed, laying down against the headboard.

"You have your own bed, what're you ruining mine for?" Bill jokingly bickered, crawling over to his twin to swat the man off.

Tom just rolled his eyes, a common occurrence with the brothers, it seemed. The younger boy just complied, lying on his side to face Tom as they spoke.

"You ever wish we waited to start the band?" Bill asked softly, quietly. Tom shook his head near damn immediately.

"Not at all. What if it hadn't worked out? We'd be out of a job, a couple German losers who'd probably work at a supermarket till we're 30." Tom chuckled.

Tom had always been more laid back than Bill, always finding a way to joke in situations where he could tell Bill was slightly worried, if not.. a bit regretful.

"I guess." Bill mumbled, moving a tad bit closer to Tom. He laid his head on his brothers chest, The man almost didnt know how to react to the gesture. He watched as Bills expression softened, calmed as he laid into the mans chest.

Something about Bill was he was very expressive, something Tom and.. well, everyone else took notice of. But Bill had always been like that too, and Tom would be a fool if he lied to anybody and said it didnt get to him. It always made him think about..well, passion. The intimacy during sex you just couldn't fake?

The authentic-real-life feeling of knowing every nose scrunch, every jolt, quiver, moan, scratch, was all genuine. Not those fake porno, "Daddy! Daddy! Harder! Im gonna cuuumm!!!" . No, there would be none of that. Not with Tom, and certainly not with Bill. Tom knew Bill wouldnt know how to fake it if his life depended on it, that's what made it so enticing for Tom. Maybe he was a pervert, but he wanted to see Bill in bed just once.. Just once.

"Are you even listening to me?" Bill hissed, sitting up. Tom impulsively sat up with the boy, nodding immediately.

"Of course I'm listening. Yeah, I'm sorry. I am." Tom quickly defended.

Bill wasn't buying it, he could just tell when Tom wasn't paying attention and as far as he knew, Tom didn't hear a word he just spoke.

He knew Tom had other worldly experience with sex and kissing and this, that, and the other thing.. but he felt incompetent to the situation. Tom pulled the boy onto his lap, feeling as the kid straddled him and leaned down to keep their faces together. After some time, it was clear that Bill's will to believe in himself strengthened since Tom could feel him less tense, less nervous.

Tom barely hesitated before he pulled Bill in to kiss him, his hand moved down to Bills flank as he gripped it tighter to hold the boy in place. Bill quickly pulled away, looking at Tom with his glassy eyes before.. coming back? They kissed again, this time, more passionately. More tongue, more love.

The metallic material of Toms lipring stung Bills lips quietly, nothing that took away from the kiss as his pearly tongue ring accidentally clanked against Toms teeth a couple times.. Which Tom didn't seem to mind. It seemed to come naturally, as natural as Bill had ever made out before.

Once Tom pulled away, he looked up at the boy, his lips parted.

"Are you okay?.." He asked softly, not exactly able to gauge Bill's feelings at the moment. He knew the boy had a habit of being confident in the moment and then completely regretting it later on, he didn't want now to be one of those times.

"Mhm." Bill answered, lowering himself back down so his hands were balled in fists on either side of Tom's head on the white pillows of the hotel.

Tom knew Bill had tattoos, hell, it was all over the media for weeks when a couple interviewers asked him about it.. but he'd never been able to just stare and appreciate the art. He rubbed his thumb over Bill's hip, rubbing the ink of the star tattoo by his groin. His eyes quickly darted towards Bill's arm tattoo, it read 'freiheit '89', Tom had always loved the star more. It was cute, decent sized and just.. fitting. Not to mention the placement, it was so Bill.

Looking down at Tom's thumb, he bit his lower lip. Bill remembered when he first got it, remembering the way he'd shown it off so obviously in photoshoots after he got it. He had purposely worn his jeans a bit lower, tighter shirts that were more likely to ride up when he moved his arms. He got a lot of compliments on it, Bill loved it.

Their lips reconnected as Tom pulled the boys head down, dancing together softly as if the boys were used to it. Tom felt softly as Bills hips shifted on his lap, rubbing against his groin region a bit as the kid grew excited. Tom knew Bill was still a virgin, one of the reasons he wasn't rushing into this quite as much as he had with other women.. he moved his hands up a bit under Bills shirt, Tom's thumb rubbing against Bills nipples with ease. Bill's breath hitched when he felt the new sensation.. it was different, it was all he could feel in that specific spot.

It wasn't like touching any of his other sensitive areas, where you felt it through your whole body.. he only felt his chest slightly get right as Tom gently brushed his thumb back and forth over the skin.

Tom felt himself hardening slightly as Bill continued to shift and move softly on his lap whether he meant to or not, he definitely wiggled a lot and it forced a couple breathy whimpers to escape Tom's lips. After a bit of time, Bill and Tom had both been pretty stiff to say the least. They forced each other's shirts off previously.

Tom was just about ready to get the jeans off too. He felt like they were suffocating his abdomen,despite the baggy attire. He just knew Bill had to be aching, that kid always wore tight jeans.

The older twin pushed the younger off to the side of the bed, unbuttoning his jeans and kicking them off the side of the bed.

This was the point that Bills eyes widened. He realized this was really happening, but he couldn't resist. He was excited too..in every way. He unbuttoned his own jeans squeamishly, pulling his belt out from the loops and tossing it onto the floor on his side. He quickly rid of his jeans, seeing Tom roll over and perch over him between the boys legs.

"You're sur-"

"I'm sure.. stop checking in, alright?" Bill cut Tom off, rubbing the man's dreads playfully before watching Tom lean down to his neck, leaving small love bites along his neck.. to his chest, stomach, that damn tattoo.. before finally reaching the boys boxers.

He felt as Tom slipped them down, growing slightly self conscious when he saw Tom examining every aspect of it. He felt himself drip precum in tiny fragments.

Tom took his hand and wrapped it gently around the boys length, pumping his hand a couple times before taking the boy into his mouth. Bill hissed in pleasure, feeling the warmth and softness of the inside of toms mouth.. so wet, moist.. he arched his back slightly, tangling a hand into toms dreads that dangled down and tickled his hips.

Bill couldn't help but appreciate Tom as a whole, seeing him going down on the boy was definitely a sight but Tom had an amazing body. He wasn't ripped or anything but he was definitely toned more than average, he was so masculine despite having such a beautiful face. Tom was still pretty lean though, but damn.

He felt as Toms tongue looped around the head, Bill was quietly whimpering every so often as his lips parted, laying back in the white pillows with his black hair sprawled across the cotton fabric.

Hearing the soft moans and whimpers just fueled Tom more, he wanted to keep going.. but he knew Bill would probably cum faster than later due to his inexperience. He pulled off, a string of spit connecting Toms lip to Bills tip, which he just picked away.

Bill bit his lip, looking up at Tom as he pressed his knees together.

"Just a bit further, Bill." He whispered, kissing Bills cheek. He pulled the boys boxers off the rest of the way.

Tom leaned over to grab his jeans off the floor, rummaging through the denim to find a metallic packet with the outline of a thick circle. He dropped his jeans and then pulled the packet, tearing it open with his teeth as he shifted his boxers down. The man removed a lubricated latex condom from the packet, the yellow tint getting rolled over his own length.

Bill watched it all, intimidated by the size of Toms cock, it worried him a small bit.

"I don't have lube on me.. it's in my bag, in the van." Tom clarified, seeing the look of confusion on Bills face when he was presented with a condom.

"Lets just hope it's slippery enough," Tom giggled which caused Bill to do the same. It was the wording.

He hesitantly parted his knees as he felt Tom lean over him, looking down into the boys eyes as he lined up with Bills entrance.

At first, it hurt a bit. Bill didn't really like it, he winced and put a hand on Tom's chest to ask him to slow a bit. Just Tom's head was in, Tom looked down at the intimacy between their legs before smiling softly.

"Barely anything happened, Bill." He chuckled quietly. Bill just looked up at him, a pouty look on his face.

"Have you ever been on the receiving end?" Bill asked, quietly as he tried not to giggle.

"You're right.." Tom whispered, leaning down to suck on Bills neck.

He slowly pushed in a little more, hearing Bills sharp breaths as he pushed all the way in. After Bill eased a bit, he began pushing and pulling his abdomen slowly. He watched as Bills breaths got sharp, sucking in and showing his ribs. Bill quickly got used to it, delivering small and whimpy moans to Toms ear as he thrusted. Tom held onto his hips, pulling Bill closer as to be able to push in as deep as possible. Bills moans got slightly louder as Tom picked up the pace.

He arched his back off the bed, hearing the soft sounds of their skin clapping quietly together.

"T-Tom.." he whimpered, drown out by a gruffly breath of Tom's as he continued thrusting in and out of the boys thin frame.

"God.." Tom sighed, "I should've made you suck me off, at least.." he chuckled, kissing Bills cheek, "You're lucky it's your first time.." he whispered.

Bill's hand found Tom's dreads again, knotting his hand in the matted mess as his lips parted. He didn't retort anything back, arching his back a little harder and feeling their stomachs touch.

It wasn't very long before Bill felt small fragments of a warm substance batted against his stomach. No, he hadn't cum yet.. but he was damn near close, and might as well have with all the precum he was leaking out. Tom took notice as he felt the boys cock between their stomachs.

He kept his boney hands around Bills hips, speeding up slightly for a little before returning to his initial speed.

"You're so tight," he mumbled against Bills neck. Bill just smiled softly, his opposite hand finding toms back and scratched it lightly as he felt the knot in his stomach.

He knew now that he'd reached his potential, Bills lips parted widely as he let out a sort of high moan that Tom quickly muffled with his hand. He stared down at Bill, watching him fall apart.

"Not yet.. not yet, Bill. I'm almost there.." he whispered, seeing as Bill tensed up completely.

He kept eye contact with the boy as he felt himself come undone as well, watching as the boy bit his lip and arched his back, his eyes rolling.

"Look at me, Bill, look at me." Tom said, cupping his cheek as he watched the boys eyes strain to keep eye contact.

Tom let out a low moan as he felt Bill cum between their stomachs, he felt the condom get warmer and fill inside of Bill as he pushed in a couple final thrusts. And Bill felt it too, he felt all of it. He felt Tom twitch inside him before cumming, then he felt the bit of warmer warmth that stayed inside for a bit after they finished.

Tom had finally pulled out, seeing Bill shaking softly as he came down from his orgasm. The older twin tossed his condom towards the small trash can next to the bet, watching as Bill found something to clean his stomach with.

"You did so good, Bill." He whispered against Bills neck, climbing under the covers next to the boy. Bill reached to turn the light off as Tom spooned him, wrapping his muscular arm around Bills dainty waist.

"I'm sorry I didn't last longer.." Bill whispered, Tom just kissed his neck and shook his head.

"Shut up.. go to sleep," he whispered, kissing the back of Bills neck where another tattoo had been stabbed into his skin. Bill interlocked their fingers as he laid with his back against toms chest.

This is my first time writing proper fanfic in so long ! Sorry if it's not the best </3

[diggingupgrave]

Magnificently Cursed... the blog post ✨

🕰🍂🕯🌿📔🧣🌙

My writing log says it’s been exactly a year since I started writing Magnificently Cursed, my Dark Academia Inuokko Magic School AU! I find summer to be insufferable (my apologies to the sun) so I took an escape hatch to an early fall last year and immediately fell down this massive rabbit hole. Not only did I write the whole fic and make overly-intricate graphics for each chapter… I also made a ton of other content that I simply didn’t have enough time to post! (Fall is but one season… unless you’re me, and it’s two, because fuck summer) So as a little anniversary gift to me, I’m going back through the archives and finally putting everything in one place. 

Let’s start with the character mood boards, shall we? 

Toge Inumaki: 

I wanted Toge to have an earthy/natural, vintage-y feel, while Yuuta was all sleek and new. I’m still completely obsessed with this library-lizard aesthetic for Toge.

I low-key wound up buying a brown sweater after searching online for literal hours just like the one in the upper left so we could twin. That duffle coat still has my whole heart. Lavender mug inspired by Neara 🥺

Yuuta Okkotsu:

The lil ghostie patch 😭 I still think Yuuta would look hot as hell in all these clothes- especially the speckle-y fisherman sweater. Coat game is strong here as well. 

... so is it obvious that I spend too much time on Canva yet? 😅

The Timeline: 

My outline wasn’t outlining and I resorted to making an in-world calendar to make sure the dates were realistic. Each chapter is a different color, and the lines represent what days the chapters covered in-world. The corresponding stars represented each chapter’s posting dates… except the real life dates didn’t line up with the fictional dates (rude), so those thursdays were actually saturdays? I think? I'm actually not 100% sure what past me was up to here, to be totally honest 😅

(also, politely ignore that bit that says “epilogue - december” 💀i’ll get to it when i get to it. I don’t really like the idea of it being *over* so maybe i'll just gatekeep that bit forever)

⬆️ Example of aforementioned “outlining,” which, yes, is unfortunately littered with as many potential tweets as actual organization 💀

Not pictured: the outline for the first three chapters… when i thought this fic… would only *be* three chapters. 🪦

Writing Log:

I wrote all 92k between July 13th and September 13th (including 60k in August, nanowrimo style)!

Honestly would love to know what her regimen was because i immediately went back to being slow and undisciplined. I don’t foresee this coming august looking anything like this, lol.

Also, sidenote, hilarious that I took a break to work on it would make a whole in the middle of this? Because I literally just finished that piece this week and posted it today 😅

The Playlist:

Spotify proving that July 13th commitment! If you start a wip without procrastinating and making a playlist for two hours first... did you really start a new wip?

The playlist was three and a half hours and i would listen to it nearly every day, sometimes multiple times in a day 💀. Listen during a rainstorm for peak vibes.

(other favs not pictured: The Butterflly Effect’s cover of “Lay All Your Love on Me,” Sabrina Carpenter’s “Decode,” Liz Longley’s “Rescue My Heart,” and "Nothing's Gonna Happen" by The Staves) 

Bonus:

(fall baking... toge's fav pumpkin muffins of course)

(my toge sweater knockoff)

(editing buddy... clearly working very hard)

(cider donut cider... for the ✨vibes✨)

(obsessively drinking massive pots of harney and son’s victorian london fog tea as i tried to interpret my own bullshit)

(me celebrating actual halloween like i didn't start in july)

.... ANYWAY (if you made it this far 😅) many thanks to anyone who read/kudos/commented/supported this fic, because (if you can't tell already) i had so much fun writing it.

Currently, working on another longfic rn that's also promising to destroy my life... but you never forget your first 😘

[wander-wren]

on fanfic, original fic, and living on the boundary

most of the time, you hear about fanfic authors who eventually “make it” writing Real Books. very rarely, you might hear it the other way around. once upon a time, not too long ago, it was common for fanfic authors to aspire to write fic that mimicked Real Books, and very likely some of them still do. i’ve thought about it and realized the two were not separate experiences for me—something i suspect is becoming more common as fandom becomes more mainstream.

pretty much all of my earliest stories (elementary-age) were derivative. i loved multiple series about horses, and especially black beauty; the cats vs dogs movies, underdog, racing in the rain, and the whole dog’s life series. and more! those are just the ones i can distinctly identify as being stories i pulled from when i wrote about horses and dogs escaping abusive humans to go be spies. or wander the wilderness and be rescued by nice humans. i was also a big fan of dramatic angst, so not much has really changed. perhaps you could call those things fanfiction at a stretch, but i really wouldn’t.

once i hit 12-14, i started making things that were more original—all work is derivative, but this wasn’t consciously inspired by media i’d seen. i was, however, really big into ya dystopia, so that genre came up a lot alongside fantasy. i also found my way to fandom spaces and real fic at the start of this period. at the time, though, i didn’t even clock it as something different. i was simply writing “my warrior cat stories” right alongside my stories about kids in magic school and teens living underground post-nuclear war.

when i was around 13 i discovered the terms and community around fandom, moved to wattpad, then ao3, and more firmly separated origfic and fanfic in my mind. posted some more of both. finished like six things ever, all of them pretty short.

at 15, i started to Take Writing Seriously. i finally finished my first (original) novel, then my first longfic. wrote a few more fics. started a few more novels that didnt quite get off the ground. took a year-ish break from fic to really focus on original fiction, then wrote both at once again, and then in the last year or so, mostly abandoned original fic (except for editing) in order to throw myself back into the fandom sphere.

what i’m saying, in this very long-winded way, is that there is no ascending the writing ladder from lowly fic to super professional original work, to me. do i spend more time and energy on original stuff? sure! that’s the harder sell, and the one that, in theory, will eventually make me money. is my style exactly the same? no! they’re different mediums and i’ve honed each separately to reflect different strengths.

but my original work is still fanfic-y, in the sense of being extremely character driven, slim on the worldbuilding that’s not directly relevant, and emotional.

i think writing a first draft of something my own is a nearly identical process to writing a longfic, if that longfic actually has a plot (mine don’t always) and i know my audience is going in fandom blind. i still have to explain things like character backstory and how the world works, but it’s hardly the priority and i only need the bare minimum to get what’s going on. everything is focused on the high-emotion moments, skipping past all the boring bits in between. things happen with very flimsy justification, characters are ooc to serve the plot, and somehow we went on several tangents on our way to the end that didn’t all get resolved.

that makes my fanfic sound bad! but those things in fic are features, not bugs.

the second draft and beyond, then, is an effort to turn the story into a source material, rather than a fic based off the source in my head. features in fanfic are, unfortunately, bugs in novels, and they must be squished. but the core of the story is always the emotions, the character arcs, the relationships. they’re what i build around and what i follow like a compass when i revise.

i’m a very fannish person, i suppose. my silly little hope is that approaching my original stuff this way might entice a small fandom of its own to form around it.

this is also here as yet another reminder that you don’t have to use fanfic as “practice” for future, more legitimate works. it does not have to be a training ground until you’re good enough to move to the big leagues and push it aside. that’s not how this works for me. i would not have any kind of writing career without my fanfic. i would be such a wildly different human it is painful to think about. fanfiction is my heart, and it informs everything.

[monamipencil]

ok wow, took me 4 hours to read and annotate this.

i love LOVE the banner, it rly like set the mood of the story and i love your editing skills !!

whoops, this is long.

— plot; easily my most fav wonwoo fic. oh god, i was from the moment you announced in front of me was in the works. angsty fic with best friend wonwoo, i was SOLD. plus unrequited love? pining? realistic characters? yes. the angstiest piece written so beautifully and done with so much effort. and this hits way too close to home. i literally felt called out at multiple points of reading. i just love how realistic and gut wrenching this is.

— oc; she's an idiot, i love her. honestly, i feel like she's me lmao. everything from pining like an idiot to the buzzfeed unsolved and aot, man. she's so well sculptured in a way her characterization is realistic. her sensitivity, the willingness to let him walk over her like that, pining, naivety, accepting him no matter what. fucking hell, she wasn't even angry at last, just so tired and soft with her wordings, only breaking down by the very end. she needed a push to take a stand for herself and i'm so glad she did!

— wonwoo; *sighs* the very introduction and he was already being a dick. but goddamn the fact he's genuinely oblivious to it? when i was expecting toxic bsf! wonwoo, i didnt expect him to be a cardboard cut-out of he-who-shall-not-be-named. ig every girl has stumbled across these type of guys. it would've been so easier to hate by just seeing the story from his pov. but introducing his thoughts and views made me fee pity for him. bcz yeah, he's human too and as much as he's despicable, i understand him. a true gray character. his feelings were so complex. the string of relationships that never worked out were so bitter to read about, him ghosting her yet always crawling back, the uncertainty when she started ignoring him, the jealousy, the anger. his character was so raw and human. as much as i feel sympathy for him, sometimes leaving ppl like this behind is the best answer.

— seokmin; ok, i was so enamored by this guy, that i completely overlooked the fact that he could have bad intentions. like?? if you read thru my annotations, i genuinely liked him? even when wonwoo said he knew what he was doing, i thought wonwoo was being stupid. ... until i heard it straight from seokmin. man, the twist? i was so shocked, i dont even know what's gonna happen lmao. this is crazy.

— the friends; i love them from what we've seen of them. the scene with gyu giving him a reality check? fuck yes, you need friends like that. not only was he looking out for her, he was looking out for him too. i loved it!

— annotations;

Your phone beeps indicating that he’s hung up and you can feel the heartstrings pull inside your chest. How many times will it take for Wonwoo to find someone he actually wants to be with? And why is it never you? 

the angst is already hitting omfgggg

and the prologue feels like the opening to a movie, i love it so much.

“Wait, what? You and Wonwoo aren’t dating?” Seungcheol asks you, forcing you into the hot seat. 

asking the real questions here

Looking over at Wonwoo, you anxiously wait for his answer, your chest blooming with hope, only for those buds to be washed away in a millisecond. 

nooo, but also yesss for the slowburn

“No, c’mon, we’re just friends. That’s it, right?” Wonwoo turns to you, trying to get you to back him up. 

that hurts..

But you sit there, with your heart crushed in your hands, lifeless and shrivelled. Like his words and actions had the power to tear the life out of you. The worst part was that he did all this without knowing. He’s completely oblivious to your feelings, and you only have yourself to blame.

this is already hitting omfg 

He becomes more detached when he’s in a relationship, and you’re okay with that. His priorities change and you’re okay with that. Despite your feelings for him, you know that you can’t force him to feel the same way. And you should be okay with that. 

ow ow ow, ok. 

but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less to see the person you’re in love with, fall in love with someone else. 

🙁 angst is angsting

Having Seungcheol confirm that Wonwoo has never felt anything romantically for you was like a stab in the stomach, and him getting you to back up his words was just him twisting the knife. 

reading this while im on my periods is gonna punch me in the gut

“It’s alright,” he coos, pulling you into his strong arms.  

🧍not me serving lanes with seokmin lmao

You have all these examples of why he would probably be the worst boyfriend ever, yet your heart still belongs to him.

been there, done that. i am guilty your honor

You were hoping that he would go, even looking forward to it. Is that pathetic? To want to see him everywhere you go? Maybe you were pathetic to the point where you only felt like hanging out with your friends if he was there. 

she’s down bad and attached af but I UNDERSTAND RAHH 

He sighs as he sinks into the plush cushions, spreading his legs while he puts his arms up.

🧍… i giggled 

Wonwoo’s arm circles your shoulder, pulling you closer to him and forcing your head to rest delicately on his broad shoulder.

RAHHHHHHHH 🦅

“Of course, what are best friends for?” 

ofc ofc … best friends …

Most people fall in love gradually, slowly growing feelings for the person before they can even call it love. Like the way the seasons steadily turned from winter to spring. Green grass peeking from underneath the melting snow, or flowers gently blooming and unravelling their new set of stems and petals. For you, it was different.

this was so beautiful, i just had to point it out. Anna’s writing >>>>

If anything, falling in love with Wonwoo felt like a snowstorm in the middle of a sunny day.

alexa play, snow on the beach (anna’s version)

He was the shy, scrawny new kid in your class, and no one paid mind to him except you.

fuck, i feel called out

Despite his interest in collecting pokémon cards and his crooked glasses that were too big for his face, you were in love. 

is this about me?

You were like two peas in a pod that whole year, and the only time you and Wonwoo spent time apart was when he had to leave during summer break to visit family in Korea. 

this fucking play is abt me

It annoyed you to see all these people suddenly interested in him. You were angry that just because he grew a few inches and learned to do his hair didn’t mean he was that much different from how he was last year. 

oh fucking hell, anna are you perhaps stalking me??? im having flashbacks

He started to invest more of his time into her until he decided she wasn’t worth his energy anymore. Then the calls would come, his contact name flashing across your phone screen to ask you for advice. 

wonwoo bro, what is this behaviour

Everything that you weren’t.

fuck, ok that hurts (i refuse to cry so early)

Others may have tried to rationalize with Wonwoo, but you didn’t care. You wanted your friendship with him to turn back to normal. Your adolescent brain ignored that it was wrong to encourage him, as long as he was fully yours again.

ik normally ppl would hate this, so do i. but been there, done that… not proud of it

Like a siren to a sailor, your heart sang with deep imagery. Filling your thoughts with illusions of you and Wonwoo finally together. But your mind doesn’t let you go without a fight. It knows that beyond the deep waters where your siren-voiced heart lies is nothing but a bottomless pit.  The possibilities are endless, and you’d rather stay safely grounded in your boat of rationality. 

your imagery ???? holy shit, i never thought of the siren metaphor in this way. anna, ur brain >>

“It's never a problem if it’s you,” he chuckles as you dawdle over to the passenger side of his car. 

🧍*sighs* pls dont tell me he’s gonna talk like this the entire time. Wtf jeon wonwoo

Watching Wonwoo move to the side as he opens the car door for you. His actions make you blush, and you know you’ll think about it for the rest of the night. 

listen, this is gonna be difficult if he's gonna keep acting like this

His fingers would probably be laced with yours, or rubbing soothingly against your thigh while his other hand gripped the steering wheel. Planting kisses on your cheeks at every red light. It seemed like heaven on the other side. But you knew reality would crush your delusions soon enough. 

Delulu is the solulu (in fiction)

The only thing that mattered to you was the fact that she was able to bring out Wonwoo’s deep laugh. The kind of laugh that only befalls upon your ears when he finds something genuinely funny.

oh here comes the jealousy.

At this point, you weren’t sure who to envy, Wonwoo or the girl he was flirting with. You find it unfair that he doesn’t realize how greatly he can impact your feelings. 

asdfghjkl, jealousy is one ugly demon. I hate it

Everything just seemed so unfair, how could you possibly be happy if your feelings for Wonwoo were constantly in the way of it all? It’s tiring, worrying about him, yearning for him. You could do so many other things with your time, and when you look toward the future, you know that you’ll regret how much of your life you wasted loving someone who doesn’t love you back. 

another hit in the gut, it seems so important at that time but looking back, nope.

“Hey, look at me–” he grabs your face, gentle as a mouse, rubbing away the tears from your cheeks. “You are not a burden. We care, that’s why we worry, and I just want to be there for you.” 

🥺🥹 friends like this >>>

Seokmin is like your favourite childhood blanket, keeping you warm and away from everything that could possibly hurt you. He’s always willing to hear you rant about things that you know you could never tell Wonwoo. 

i need a seokmin in my life rn

Jihoon groans as Soonyoung practically breaks out into full song and dance, causing you to sing along with him.

lmao, i love soonyoung 

huhu, im so READY for wonwoo’s pov

Rejection is foreign to Wonwoo.

I screamed when i saw this, FROM THE TEASER ASDFGHHJKL

He has no control over whether you’re going to text him back or not, and to put it simply, he can’t stand that feeling. 

wow, try being her for a sec, my guy

Sure, maybe Wonwoo is entitled, perhaps he’s conceited and selfish, but he doesn’t care.

10 points for self awareness!!

Because in his mind, you’re his best friend.

I folded so fucking fast, im not immune to possessiveness

[wons <3]: saw a bunny running thru the oval today u should’ve seen it! reminded me of u. 

i am not immune to jeon wonwoo

The sight of you getting into Seokmin’s car made Wonwoo scoff. Since when did you start getting rides home from Seokmin? And why was he the one opening the door for you? Buckling your seatbelt instead of his own? Wonwoo is completely dumbfounded at what he has witnessed. 

yes yes YES, he’s jelly 

Wonwoo initially thought that even if the world ended, you would be there within arms reach, enough to hold you close, where he could keep you safe.

i love his complexity. the most perfectly gray character, like any other human being. I love your characterisation of him so much!!

That hadn’t been the case at all, and for the two months that he spent in Changwon, he couldn’t help but count the days till he could come back home. Where you had been patiently waiting for him.  He despised being away from you, and he had yearned for you every moment he was gone.

Awww, this is cute but knowing how’s he gonna act in the future ….

“You know, you’re still so skinny for your age. Do your parents not feed you enough?” 

i hate these typa relatives ??? like bro LOOK AT URSELF

Faintly recalling how you were planning to stay up late every night to watch BuzzFeed unsolved videos, or until your mom yelled at you to go to bed. 

AHHH, ANNA U AND ME, WE ARE THE SAME PERSON omg i love buzzfeed unsolved. 

Wonwoo missed you, and your stupid obsession with horror podcasts and YouTube shows. He missed the way your smile would shine so bright as you talked about all the haunted places the hosts would visit. 

fuck this reminds me of him. anna, you stalker 

And it was then that Wonwoo realized that he wasn’t all that bad-looking, after all. 

no fuck, everything reminds me of him wtf

He remembers thinking about how soft her hands were, and how pretty she looked with her hair tied up in a messy bun. 

🧍u have a girl waiting for u back at home but i wont blame him

By the end of summer, Wonwoo started to miss you less and less.

…… this hurts

Finally, for the first time in his life, Wonwoo felt serene, and that made him a little more whole than he was when he first landed in Changwon. 

but i am happy for him. It’s important to not base ur happiness on someone else !!

On a subconscious level, Wonwoo could not stop comparing Haein to you, and as fucked up as that was, it was completely out of his control. 

uh…. Wonwoo ??

“It all makes sense now! Eren had Zeke fooled!” 

AOT MENTIONED

“I'm sorry babe, but I gave up after the first episode,”

…. ??? im offended 

He was never able to comprehend why he couldn’t keep feelings for anyone after the six-month mark, and it almost frustrated him. Something was missing in every single relationship he had been in, and he wasn’t sure what that was. But he was determined to find an answer. 

… yeah i think i know

The answer was you.

There it is

With the amount of near run-ins he’s had with you and Seokmin on campus, he’s begun to sense that it’s some sort of karma. Whatever that karma may be for, he fully believes that it’s completely unwarranted. 

oh it is warranted, trust me. 

“Serves you right, you’re a dick to her, man.” Mingyu shrugs without any remorse to spare. 

TELL IT, GIVE IT TO HIM, GYU

“How blind are you? You have glasses and everything but you can’t see how mean you are to her sometimes? Really?” Mingyu almost sounds offended on your behalf as he stares at Wonwoo with an incredulous expression. 

im hollering lmaooo

Wonwoo is going to throw up. There's a tightness in his chest and a burning sensation behind his eyes.

ok, i feel bad for him.

Not only has he been a terrible friend without realizing it, but he’s pushed you so far to the brink that you’d rather ignore him than attempt to hash out what’s been troubling you.

poor guy, didn’t even realise it. 

What type of person has Wonwoo become that he resorts to stalking you from the front of your building?

💀 idk if i shud laugh im so sorry

That same apologetic attitude died a fiery death after watching Seokmin leave your apartment. 

nvm, this is so messy and so real

You were fine, and he should’ve known that the root of all his problems started with the name Lee Seokmin. 

Bro, just grow a pair and go talk to her instead of coming to conclusions on ur own wtf

The deathly twist in his gut intensifies the more he ponders on what may have happened during Seokmin’s visit. Wonwoo desperately wants to stop thinking about the possibilities, especially because your lack of clothing only fueled that inferno inside his mind. 

wonwoo, aren’t you her best friend? her sexual ventures now annoy you, hmmmmmmmm i seeee

Wonwoo yearns for you so much so that it supersedes any part of common sense he has left in him. 

slow burn, yearning, ah yes the only two things keeping me alive

“The number you have called is not available, please leave a message at the tone,” an automated voice affirmed his suspicions. 

🧍… i did not expect her to block him just like that but queen knows her worth !!

“What the hell are you doing here?” Both Wonwoo and Seokmin speak in unison. 

i ….. uhm … this is messy

Minnie. Wonwoo almost threw up in his mouth.  Minnie. The nickname is parallel to nails scraping against a chalkboard. 

i feel bad for him but don’t balme her either rahhhhhh

“I could say the same thing for you,” Seokmin mutters, unperturbed, “I didn’t have to do anything you know? Just a little push and she fell into my lap, voluntarily.” 

HUH?????????? WAIT WHAT. WTF OH NO NO

He was wrong about Seokmin. Even though he had known about his friend's crush on you for years, Wonwoo didn’t expect the lengths Seokmin would go to in order to cut him out of the picture. 

oh ….. oh my god. wtf

He knew you well enough that you wouldn’t just block him so carelessly, without a word no less. 

I KNEW IT

Yet he was no match for Seokmin, not after the fact that you allowed him into your home, your heart, so willingly. 

Nooooo, wonwoo. i am very shocked by the turn of events

Is this how it feels? To actually care about someone and whether their decisions might affect him later on? 

damn this alluding to his prev relationships … makes me sick. I mean he didn’t know better but still … 

“Did you fuck him?” Wonwoo cuts to the chase, not leaving any room for you to ask questions. 

😭wtf wonwoo

Wonwoo had no clue, but the thought of his friend-now-enemy defiling you, tasting you, while Wonwoo desperately waited for your call caused him to direct all his anger to you. Perhaps it’s undeserving to do so, but Wonwoo’s frustration spoke for him before his brain could even register what he was saying. 

i get him but boy pls, this is not the way

His urge to self-sabotage overrides his common sense. 

understandable but stil smh

I fell in love with my best friend, and the worst part was that you didn’t care enough to notice. 

SHE SAID IT, OMG SHE SAID IT

He should’ve known that you were in front of him this whole damn time.

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 🦅🦅🦅

In Front of Me (1)

cause i was blind to see that you were right in front of me ₊˚

⊹ pairing: jeon wonwoo x f.reader ⊹ genre: bestfriends to (?), angst, smut (R: 18+ mdni) ⊹ wordcount: 40.6k (part 1) (part 2: here)

⊹ summary: jeon wonwoo has spent most of his adolesence and early adult hood unable to understand why he can't seem to stay in a relationship for more than a few months. as his best friend, you allowed him to vent about his worries without judgment. so what if you're in love with him? your friendship with wonwoo meant more to you than having your feelings reciprocated. that is until you hit your breaking point, while wonwoo finally realizes what has been in front of him this whole time.

⊹ tags: non-idol!au, uni!au, unrequited love (for the most part), pining, toxic!wonwoo, toxic!reader, both in wonwoo and readers pov, questionable protagonists, mentions of other svt members, happy ending (?), emotionally constipated characters (wonwoo), flashbacks, slight seokmin x reader, a lot of emotions thrown everywhere. (content warnings under the cut)

⊹ note: this story was meant to be posted for wonwoos bday, but if you know anything about me by now, i never really stick to my self made deadlines lol. thank you to my cutieful, big brained beta readers: ♡ @junkissed @chocosvt and @sunniques ♡ everyone in @svthub and @highvern and @gyuswhore who helped me w this fic as well ! if u look closely this is pretty much just a sugar coated version of real life events lol... anyways i hope u enjoy and lmk what u think thru the replies and reblogs :) !

⊹ masterlist, fic playlist.

⊹ smut tags: no smut in this part :p ⊹ warnings: alcohol, reader is downbad for wonwoo, stalking, slut-shaming, evasions of privacy, if i missed anything lmk! cuz ik i did i just can't think of what hehe :p

⊹ what i would like to note about this story before you read it: you're not meant to like these characters (for most of the story at least lol), they are flawed in many ways, thats the whole point of this story tbh. tmi--but this story is pretty much my free therapy lol. and i love a messy plot! wonwoo and reader are just two normal people in this story and i wanted to write something a little more raw than i'm used to. so just take what i say with a grain of salt before reading ♡ i still want you to enjoy this story because i poured my soul into it. so thank you for your support and kind asks and comments about the teaser!

prologue. 

Despite your age, you’ve never been in a serious relationship. There was always something holding you back, or rather, someone. 

In all the years you’ve known Wonwoo, you’ve always thought maybe one day, he would look at you in a different light. Hoping that he could reciprocate the feelings you’ve harboured for him since the eleventh grade. 

He was the one who constantly moved out of relationships. You couldn’t even count the amount of late-night calls where he asked you what his “next step” should be. The doting best friend that you are, you’d gladly stay up all night trying to help him fix his girl problems. 

“I just, I don’t have feelings for her anymore. Is that wrong?” he asked you over the phone. 

Tossing and turning in your bed you let out a deep sigh. One thing is always guaranteed with Wonwoo: in a relationship, he loses feelings quickly. No matter how much he likes the girl, no matter how obsessed or possessive he feels for them at the beginning of it all, it diminishes by the time the six-month mark hits. 

Although he may be a great friend to you, relationships were never his strong suit. 

“It’s not wrong to fall out of love, but how many times are you going to break up with someone before you decide to stay?” you ask him, and he pauses to think. 

“I don’t know, but I can’t stay, that would make things worse,” he sighs. “It’s better to just stop this whole thing now.” 

“I agree, but are you sure?” you continue to ask him the same questions you’ve been asking since you were sixteen. 

“I’m sure,” he replies with a heavy sigh. 

“Okay, then goodnight. It’s almost one in the morning,” you try to cut the call, but he continues to speak. 

“I’m not the bad guy, right?” he asks you for reassurance. 

“No, you’re just human Wonwoo. There’s nothing wrong with losing feelings for someone,” you affirmed. 

“Alright, thank you, good night and sweet dreams,” he whispers listlessly. 

“Good night, Wonwoo.” 

Your phone beeps indicating that he’s hung up and you can feel the heartstrings pull inside your chest. How many times will it take for Wonwoo to find someone he actually wants to be with? And why is it never you? 

act one, favorite crime.

chapter one. 

“Wait, what? You and Wonwoo aren’t dating?” Seungcheol asks you, forcing you into the hot seat. 

The rest of your friend group is boring holes into your face as they all sit around Jeonghan’s living room. The blood rises in your cheeks, but you shake your head anyway. 

It feels like every time you’re with your friends, they ask you the same set of questions. Constantly wondering why you and Wonwoo haven’t thought about dating, or why you two haven’t decided to take the chance and just be together. 

“You guys need to stop asking that. A guy can befriend someone of the opposite gender,” Wonwoo defends the two of you. 

“You’re telling me in all the years you’ve known her, you haven’t developed feelings for her once?” Cheol continues to instigate, and your eyes go wide. 

Looking over at Wonwoo, you anxiously wait for his answer, your chest blooming with hope, only for those buds to be washed away in a millisecond. 

“No, c’mon, we’re just friends. That’s it, right?” Wonwoo turns to you, trying to get you to back him up. 

Your mouth runs dry as he stares at you, his eyebrows rising in anticipation. 

“U-uh yeah, Wonwoo’s right, we’re just friends,” you blurt out, not being able to handle all the expectant eyes on you all at once. 

“See? Now can you all just get off our backs?” he chastises. 

The chatter starts up again, moving past the topic of you and Wonwoo’s friendship. But you sit there, with your heart crushed in your hands, lifeless and shrivelled. Like his words and actions had the power to tear the life out of you. The worst part was that he did all this without knowing. He’s completely oblivious to your feelings, and you only have yourself to blame.

You understand your relationship with Wonwoo is different from most people’s, but at the same time, it should be normal for a girl and a guy to just be friends. And at least you respect Wonwoo’s feelings, and you also respect that whenever he’s dating someone the dynamic between you two shifts. 

He becomes more detached when he’s in a relationship, and you’re okay with that. His priorities change and you’re okay with that. Despite your feelings for him, you know that you can’t force him to feel the same way. And you should be okay with that. 

You’ve never tried to get in the way of his love life, or purposefully give him bad advice to ruin what he has with someone else. Not since you were seventeen, and at that time in your life your frontal lobe was a measly speck of dust, but it's different now. Now, your morals don’t change just because you love him, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less to see the person you’re in love with, fall in love with someone else. 

two. 

“Hey, you okay?” Seokmin approaches you, and you turn your head, acknowledging his presence. 

“Huh? Yeah, I’m alright,” you mutter, but you know you don’t look that way. 

Seokmin has known you since high school and has seen you through everything, probably more than Wonwoo. He knows when you’re not feeling well. A sympathetic permanent on his lips as he continues to observe you play with the food on your plate, pushing around the food aimlessly but never taking a bite. 

The sounds of people conversing throughout the dining hall never die down. But luckily, the commotion keeps your thoughts of Wonwoo at bay, or at least that’s what you like to think. But your heart can’t seem to let go of that moment from the other day. Having Seungcheol confirm that Wonwoo has never felt anything romantically for you was like a stab in the stomach, and him getting you to back up his words was just him twisting the knife. 

“What’s the matter, sweetheart? You can tell me,” he sighs, pushing the hair covering your face and placing it behind your ear. 

You can feel the tears start to pool, but you try your damndest not to let them spill—not like this, not in front of so many people. 

“It was just something Wonwoo said when we were all at Hannie’s house,” you mumble, refusing to make eye contact with your friend. 

“What did he say?” 

“That he’s never liked me before,” you sigh, feeling a tear slip from your eye. 

Cursing yourself in your head, you hate how much your feelings for him affect you. You hate how he doesn’t have to even be in front of you, yet he can still cause your emotions to fluctuate. 

“It’s alright,” he coos, pulling you into his strong arms. 

It felt weird, to hug Seokmin so tightly in the middle of your university’s dining hall. But you’re thankful for how aware he is, how he actually cares about your feelings. You felt melodramatic sitting there crying in the fucking dining hall of all places, but you couldn’t help but let your tears flow as Seokmin comforts you with his soft voice. 

“You deserve more than this, I hope you know that,” he whispers in your ear.

three. 

Over the next few days, the words Seokmin had whispered to you kept replaying in your head. You did deserve better and looking at all of Wonwoo’s past relationships is the perfect example. He’s not exactly the ideal boyfriend, so why did you even have feelings for him in the first place?

You could feel a migraine coming on from how hard you were thinking, but Wonwoo still seems to be the only person you can’t let go of. No matter how many times you’ve tried. 

A knock on your door brings you out of your thoughts. It was late, and you don’t remember anyone messaging you saying that they were going to come over, but you open the door anyway. 

“Hey, sorry I didn’t text,” Wonwoo moves past you, takes his shoes off, and plops on your couch. 

“It’s okay, what’s up?” you move to sit beside him. 

“I broke up with her,” He says, shrugging. 

Taken aback by his nonchalance, your eyes widen. He seems calm for someone who has just broken up with his girlfriend. But you try not to think too hard about it, or you might just have to take another Advil to remedy your already growing headache. 

“Well, how did it go?” you ask with a bit of apprehension. 

Knowing Wonwoo, you knew that he probably just dumped her over the phone or something. He’s never been bothered to really break up with someone. 

You have all these examples of why he would probably be the worst boyfriend ever, yet your heart still belongs to him. It’s pitiful, to say the least, people probably would think that you’re a masochist because you subject yourself to staying by his side when he has feelings for another. 

“She was crying, but at least it’s over now,” Wonwoo informs you as he eats the snacks you had left on your coffee table. 

“Oh.” You could feel the guilt start to seep into your veins. 

It never felt good to hear Wonwoo talk about his breakups, but you’re not sure how to react. There’s a part of you that’s happy to know that he’s single again, but the majority of you pities the girl who had just gotten her heart broken. 

Wonwoo continues to munch on the snacks left on your table while your mind tries to process the information you’ve been given. Hearing him talk so casually about his breakup leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, but you decide to switch topics instead of asking any more questions. 

“Are you still going to Seokmin’s thing this weekend, though?” you ask him, trying to fill the air with something to drown out your rapid heartbeats. 

He shrugs his shoulders, “If I feel like it. Are you?” 

The bottom of your stomach tightens. You were hoping that he would go, even looking forward to it. Is that pathetic? To want to see him everywhere you go? Maybe you were pathetic to the point where you only felt like hanging out with your friends if he was there. 

“I mean, I don’t have a ride so…” you trail off, pretending to pay attention to whatever was playing on the T.V. screen. 

“I’ll go since you’re going, that way you have a ride,” he mumbles, adjusting his posture to lean back on your couch. 

He sighs as he sinks into the plush cushions, spreading his legs while he puts his arms up. You’re very aware of his proximity, and you try not to let it show. But the smell of his cologne invades your senses, knocking the breath out of your chest. 

Wonwoo’s arm circles your shoulder, pulling you closer to him and forcing your head to rest delicately on his broad shoulder. Exhaling, you let yourself enjoy his way of showing affection. Although to him it means nothing, and to you, quite literally everything. 

“Thank you for agreeing to go to Seokmin’s so I have a ride,” you whisper but still avoid eye contact so he doesn’t notice your flustered expression. 

“Thank you for letting me barge in here just so I can talk about my breakup,” he whispers back, kissing the top of your head. 

“Of course, what are best friends for?” 

four. 

Most people fall in love gradually, slowly growing feelings for the person before they can even call it love. Like the way the seasons steadily turned from winter to spring. Green grass peeking from underneath the melting snow, or flowers gently blooming and unravelling their new set of stems and petals. For you, it was different.

 Falling in love with Wonwoo wasn’t gradual at all. 

If anything, falling in love with Wonwoo felt like a snowstorm in the middle of a sunny day. Your affection for him grew rapidly, and before you knew it, your mind was clouded with him and him only. It became hard to stay rational as if you were driving down a snow-filled road without any control over the steering wheel. Swerving into different lanes, your brakes malfunction, making it hard to bring your car to a full stop. Falling in love with Wonwoo was not gradual or easy.

When you met him on the first day of your junior year of high school, your sixteen-year-old brain couldn’t fully comprehend your crush on him. He was the shy, scrawny new kid in your class, and no one paid mind to him except you. But that didn’t stop you from liking him. Despite his interest in collecting pokémon cards and his crooked glasses that were too big for his face, you were in love. 

You were like two peas in a pod that whole year, and the only time you and Wonwoo spent time apart was when he had to leave during summer break to visit family in Korea. 

When he returned for your senior year, you could barely recognize him. Suddenly the nerdy Wonwoo you knew was gone. His glasses complimented his face, his hair was styled differently, and most of all, he got hot. A lot of your classmates must’ve seemed to agree because now your best friend and the man you’re in love with gained attention from people who didn’t even bat an eyelash at him last year. 

It annoyed you to see all these people suddenly interested in him. You were angry that just because he grew a few inches and learned to do his hair didn’t mean he was that much different from how he was last year. 

Even though Wonwoo was in a relationship, he still stayed true to your friendship. He still hung out with you, ate lunch with you, you even came over on weekends to have dinner with his family. Day by day, your love for him strengthened, and you ignored that his attention had been divided between you and his girlfriend at the time. 

When their relationship hit three months, it seemed your friendship had come to an abrupt halt. He didn’t invite you for dinner as often, you two didn’t talk on the phone every other night. He started to invest more of his time into her until he decided she wasn’t worth his energy anymore. Then the calls would come, his contact name flashing across your phone screen to ask you for advice. 

“I feel like I need to break up with Haein,” his deep voice flowed through your phone speaker. A sigh left his lips as he faced the truth. 

Haein was Wonwoo’s first girlfriend. She was nice, almost too nice. Wonwoo definitely had a type for girls with a bubbly personality. Ones that were effortlessly beautiful, reminiscent of a freshly made porcelain doll. That was Haein to you, unblemished in every way possible. Everything that you weren’t.

You couldn’t bring yourself to hate her. She was too nice to hate, but your younger self was so angry at how much of Wonwoo's time she took up that you envied her. Seokmin once jokingly mentioned that you looked especially green when she was around, and you remember how quickly you checked your appearance on the nearest reflective surface because of what he had said in passing. You remember vividly how nervous his words made you, was it that obvious?

Wonwoo’s first time calling you about his breakup plans was a delightful surprise, and you were too in shock to sputter out a proper response.

“Oh. Why?” was all you could say, still stunned that after a week of no contact, this was the first thing he said. 

“‘Dunno, I just don’t like her anymore,” he admitted effortlessly. 

You didn’t know how to respond. Your heart was screaming at you to encourage him to break up with his girlfriend at the time, while your brain was telling you to think logically. 

“Well, if that’s what you think is right,” you mumbled, trying to hide the fact that you felt a sense of relief at Wonwoo potentially being single again. 

Others may have tried to rationalize with Wonwoo, but you didn’t care. You wanted your friendship with him to turn back to normal. Your adolescent brain ignored that it was wrong to encourage him, as long as he was fully yours again.

History repeated itself over and over, and the older you got, you learnt to not be so selfish with his attention. Mostly out of guilt for the person he was going to break up with, but also because you didn’t want Wonwoo to realize your true feelings. 

Although being in love with Wonwoo was brutal, you constantly wished that things were different between you two, but they weren’t. He’s never seen you as more than a friend, and as your friendship with him progressed, you had begun to learn to mask your romantic feelings for platonic ones. 

five. 

By the time you entered university, you had mastered the art of pretending. As if your feelings for Wonwoo didn’t exist. You are quite meticulous in ensuring that he never realizes that you are profoundly in love with him. The mere thought of him finding out how you truly felt frightened you. 

You’ve already envisioned countless scenarios on how it could go. The idea of being rejected by the one you love most. It would change everything about your friendship with him.  The look of pity in his eyes, the apologies that would spill out of his mouth. You can't bear even the thought of rejection. Not from him. 

Two voices are constantly at war inside your mind. Your brain, acting as the voice of reason, constantly reminds you that it’s better to preserve your friendship. To keep the dynamic you’ve always had with Wonwoo guarded where it could last, thrive. While your heart persuaded you with deluded, fake scenarios. 

‘What if he likes you back?’ 

‘You never know until you try.’ 

‘Take the risk or lose the chance.’ 

What if. 

Like a siren to a sailor, your heart sang with deep imagery. Filling your thoughts with illusions of you and Wonwoo finally together. But your mind doesn’t let you go without a fight. It knows that beyond the deep waters where your siren-voiced heart lies is nothing but a bottomless pit. 

The possibilities are endless, and you’d rather stay safely grounded in your boat of rationality. 

A notification brings you out of your thoughts. Although you already knew that it was Wonwoo, you scramble to pick up your phone. There’s excitement laced in your veins as you look down at the screen. 

7:06 p.m. [wons <3]: be there in 5. 

There was no reason for you to be so ecstatic but you couldn’t help it. He had already texted you prior, notifying you that he was leaving his place to come pick you up, and yet every time your phone buzzes, you still hope that it’s something completely different. But that was your heart talking; you knew that it wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary. 

Everyone had planned to meet at Seokmin’s place today, just to have one last celebration before midterms began again. You had happily agreed, enthusiastic that you could spend more time with Wonwoo, although it wouldn’t be a one-on-one thing. You were more than elated to see him while also being able to hang out with the rest of your friends. 

Throwing your phone back on the bed, you change into an outfit that is both cute and comfortable. There wasn’t a reason to dress up when the vibe at Seokmin’s was just going to be sitting around his living room, drinking cocktails and eating pizza. 

Wonwoo texts you once more to let you know he’s outside, causing you to race down to meet him. A lump in your throat arises, as he comes into your field of vision, appreciating how breathtakingly handsome he is. 

The chilled breeze brushes through the strands of his hair, glasses perched on his tall nose. He looked amazing, just like he always had, but you never get bored of admiring him. Even if it’s just from afar. 

“Hi! Sorry if I kept you waiting,” your voice resounds into the night. 

“It's never a problem if it’s you,” he chuckles as you dawdle over to the passenger side of his car. 

Trying not to read too deep into his words, you snort at his cheesy line instead of giving a response. Watching Wonwoo move to the side as he opens the car door for you. His actions make you blush, and you know you’ll think about it for the rest of the night. 

“Are you ready to go?” he asks, smiling at you. 

The ride to Seokmin’s house is fairly quiet, the sounds of music filling the silence instead. Your thoughts are overflowing with scenarios once again, wondering how different the car ride would be if you and Wonwoo were in a relationship. His fingers would probably be laced with yours, or rubbing soothingly against your thigh while his other hand gripped the steering wheel. Planting kisses on your cheeks at every red light. It seemed like heaven on the other side. But you knew reality would crush your delusions soon enough. 

…

  The clock on Seokmin’s pale white wall is nearing midnight and you don’t want to be here anymore. Not when the only thing you could focus on was Wonwoo flirting with a girl whose name you didn’t catch. She’s Joshua’s childhood friend and he only brought her along because she’s visiting from out of town. Whoever she was, it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered to you was the fact that she was able to bring out Wonwoo’s deep laugh. The kind of laugh that only befalls upon your ears when he finds something genuinely funny.

The ugly swirl of jealousy sits in the pit of your stomach and you couldn't help but scoff at your wretched situation. It made you sick watching them, and you could throw up any minute now. At this point, you weren’t sure who to envy, Wonwoo or the girl he was flirting with. You find it unfair that he doesn’t realize how greatly he can impact your feelings. 

Just a few hours ago, you were in utter bliss. Sitting in the front seat of his car, listening to the music softly playing on the ride to Seokmin’s apartment. Making stupid jokes and pointing out the random sights that you had seen while driving down the bustling city streets. You envy how easy it is for Wonwoo to make all those feelings of delight vanish. And he doesn’t even know. He doesn’t know what he’s doing to you, and that’s what hurts the most. 

“You doing okay?” Seokmin comes up to you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, squeezing it affectionately. 

“Huh? Oh. Yeah I’m okay,” you chuckle, but there’s nothing humorous about your laugh at all. 

His eyes soften, he knows that you’re not okay. Seokmin always knew. After all these years, he can tell when you’re trying to save face. There’s a lump in your throat, and if you didn’t have a drink to sip on to distract you, you probably would’ve gone to the bathroom to cry. 

“You wanna talk in my room?” he offers, and you’re grateful. 

Seokmin knew he had to get you somewhere other than the living room. You were practically torturing yourself, sitting on the couch and watching Wonwoo talk to everyone but you. 

Instead of agreeing vocally, you nod your head before standing up to follow Seokmin to his room. The door shuts softly, muffling the sounds of laughter and allowing your uneasiness to finally subside. 

As you sit on Seokmin’s bed, you feel the tears starting to trickle down your cheeks. It feels pathetic, crying over something so trivial. Why does it have to be you who feels this way? Why can’t you just be a normal friend and see Wonwoo in a platonic light? The whole world could turn upside and he’d be the first person you search for. 

Everything just seemed so unfair, how could you possibly be happy if your feelings for Wonwoo were constantly in the way of it all? It’s tiring, worrying about him, yearning for him. You could do so many other things with your time, and when you look toward the future, you know that you’ll regret how much of your life you wasted loving someone who doesn’t love you back. 

“It’s okay, just let it out,” Seokmin whispers in your ear, embracing you in a tight hug. 

Crying felt good. You rarely cry over your situation despite how upsetting it is. For the first time in a while, you allowed yourself to finally indulge in your sadness and let go of everything you were too afraid to say or feel.  

“I know it sucks right now, but honestly, it might be time to get over him,” Seokmin continues to comfort you while trying to help you face the reality of your situation. “You’re so hurt, and it’s taking a toll on you. Please, I can’t bear to see you so sad.” 

His words hit you hard because you know it's true. But all you can do is apologize. Saying sorry for feeling this way, even though it’s not your fault, you cannot control your feelings, you still apologize. To Seokmin, to your friends, but also yourself. 

“I-I’m sorry,” you hiccup, tears staining Seokmin’s white shirt. 

“Why are you sorry? You did nothing wrong,” he mutters, his large hand patting your head, trying to soothe your fit of emotions. 

“Because, if I was normal, you wouldn’t have to worry about me, about why I’m always upset, you and the others, my feelings are burdening all of you,” you continue to weep softly in his arms, gripping onto his shoulders as his hands encircle your waist. 

“Hey, look at me–” he grabs your face, gentle as a mouse, rubbing away the tears from your cheeks. “You are not a burden. We care, that’s why we worry, and I just want to be there for you.” 

“Thank you, Seokmin. I’m so happy that I have someone like you in my life,” you pull him into a hug again, knocking the air out of his chest, but he’s still somehow able to hug you even tighter. 

Seokmin is like your favourite childhood blanket, keeping you warm and away from everything that could possibly hurt you. He’s always willing to hear you rant about things that you know you could never tell Wonwoo. 

“I’m so tired, I’m tired of feeling like this,” you admit to him. 

Running his hands through your hair, he gives you a reassuring smile. 

“Maybe it’s time to distance yourself from him a bit, you two have been glued to the hip for so long. Maybe that distance can help organize your feelings better,” he mutters, catching the stray tears that pool at your chin, and wiping them away for you. 

“I want to feel better,” you agree with him, still trying to recover from how hard you were sobbing into his chest. 

“I care about you, okay? We all do. Wonwoo cares about you, too, but there’s a point where you’ll have to be okay with whatever outcome happens if you decide to tell him how you feel. Or you just have to find a way to get over him,” he speaks softly, trying not to crush your heart with reality, but you know he’s right. “In the Future, you will thank yourself for making whatever decision you have to make, but trust me, holding all these feelings in won’t do you any good.” He ends his pep talk there, and you sigh, trying to process everything he said. 

“Thank you, Minnie, I’m so thankful I have you,” you sniffled. 

“And I you.” 

…

Seokmin explained to Soonyoung and Jihoon that you needed to go home after your talk in his bedroom. They were more than happy to take you along with them before heading back to their place, not wanting to force you into a car with Wonwoo at the end of the night. 

“Of course, it’s really no trouble at all,” Soonyoung reassures you after you had asked about a million times if it was okay to ride home with them. 

The car ride is drastically different from the one you had taken on the way to Seokmin’s, Soonyoung being the number one reason why. He’s not the best at reading the room, although Jihoon is constantly telling him to shut up. He knows you are upset over something, but Soonyoung’s way of cheering you up is getting you to laugh. While Jihoon believed that you may want a more peaceful environment after everything that happened. 

As Jihoon drove, Soonyoung sang along with the lyrics of the current song playing. Loud enough for anyone outside the car to hear him. You could tell he was a bit tipsy after the few beers he had earlier, but you didn’t mind the noise. Jihoon begged to differ. 

“Soon, can you tone it down? Please. People are looking at us,” Jihoon grumbles, trying to focus on the road ahead. 

“But you love it when I sing,” Soonyoung whines, and you can’t help but laugh. 

“I do, but our friend has had a long night,” Jihoon counters. 

Soonyoung turns to face you from the passenger seat. “If you want me to be quiet, I will.” 

“No, it’s okay, I’m actually enjoying it, thank you very much,” you giggle, and that was all the confirmation he needed, going back to his antics. 

Jihoon groans as Soonyoung practically breaks out into full song and dance, causing you to sing along with him. This distraction from all the conflicting thoughts gives you a refuge from the war inside your mind.  

The whole way back to your place was filled with singing and laughter, allowing you to finally feel at ease for once. Albeit Jihoon pretended to act annoyed the whole time, you knew he secretly loved how Soonyoung tried to bring the mood back up to help you. 

Once you got home, you thanked the two before bidding them farewell. Apprehension flowed throughout you, and you didn't want to be alone with your thoughts after being around someone as cheerful as Soonyoung. But you didn’t know where else to go or what else to do.

Laying in your bed, you think about how today went from beginning to end, and you’re scared of what will happen in the future. Sighing to yourself, you allow yourself to at least get some rest instead of staying up all night thinking about the possibilities of tomorrow. Turning your phone on "do not disturb," the stillness in your apartment lulls you to sleep. 

1:09 a.m. [wons <3]: seokmin said u went home early? u ok? 

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?

chapter one. 

Wonwoo’s ride home was sombre, yet desolate. Your absence from his passenger seat irked him. Street lights whisk by his vision in a blur, but he’s too lost in his thoughts as he drives on autopilot, wondering why you went home so early. You didn’t even say goodbye. It’s the first time you went home from Seokmin’s place without him. 

By the time he got home, his curiosity had started to claw at him, but he didn’t want to be irrational and assume the worst. So he texted you, hoping that there would be an explanation awaiting him in the morning. 

Not a single notification from you came that very next morning. No matter how many times his phone went off, no matter how many notifications popped up from his screen. None of them were you. Morning turned to afternoon, and afternoon slowly turned into night. Still nothing. 

He feels dejected. Everything seemed to be going okay just last night. That was until you abruptly left without telling him you were going home. What changed? Why did it feel like there was a shift between you two? 

Rejection is foreign to Wonwoo. Most times, it’s him that’s doing the rejecting. He was the one to always initiate the breakup and lose feelings first; every decision he made was made by him. He has no control over whether you’re going to text him back or not, and to put it simply, he can’t stand that feeling. 

Wonwoo hates not being in control. Whether that be his future, his relationships, and especially his feelings. At least that’s what he forces himself to believe. That it’s not fair of you to ignore him when he’s worried about you, because he’s your best friend. You should answer him when he texts you. When he calls you, and especially when he shows up at your door, seeking your comfort. In his mind, that is what he believes the foundation of your friendship is. To comfort each other, just like it always has been. 

Sure, maybe Wonwoo is entitled, perhaps he’s conceited and selfish, but he doesn’t care. Because in his mind, you’re his best friend. There was no way in hell that you were ignoring him. His ego doesn’t even consider it a possibility. You were busy, that’s it. That has to be it. 

… 

Less than forty-eight hours in, Wonwoo couldn’t stop himself from texting you once more. Nimble fingers practically itching to open your contact to update you about the most mundane things. Maybe if he pretended that this moment of silence was perfectly normal, then maybe you would eventually end up answering him. 

12:36 p.m [wons <3]: class just finished. lunch at our usual place?

Nothing. Not even a thumb’s up reaction. Wonwoo had become antsy, guilt and slight annoyance gnawing at the pit of his stomach. Where the hell are you? What are you doing that’s so important that you couldn’t even open his message let alone read them? 

1:27 p.m.  [wons <3]: this random girl asked for my number after class lol. weird right? i didn’t give it to her though 😁

Cursing at himself, he regrets pressing the send button on that text. Double texting you is already out of the norm for him, but triple texting? He can’t believe how desperate he looks right now. He wishes he could bring himself to unsend it, but he just hopes it’ll be the text that finally gets you to respond. 

2:10 p.m. [wons <3]: saw a bunny running thru the oval today u should’ve seen it! reminded me of u.  [1 photo attachment] 

Absolute radio silence from your end. Wonwoo is starting to think that you had him blocked, but his messages are still delivering. Unsure of what’s worse, you ignoring him or blocking his number, Wonwoo still tries his best to remain calm.

4:00 p.m. [wons <3]: im about to head home soon. r u riding w me today? 

The sight of you getting into Seokmin’s car made Wonwoo scoff. Since when did you start getting rides home from Seokmin? And why was he the one opening the door for you? Buckling your seatbelt instead of his own? Wonwoo is completely dumbfounded at what he has witnessed. 

4:30 p.m.  [wons <3]: saw u get into seokmin’s car, lmk if u need a ride tmrw. 

Seeing you laugh and smile while walking to the student parking lot with Seokmin, of all people, solidified the fact that you are actively ignoring his texts. And he just can’t stand the thought of it. How dare he be ignored? Especially by his best friend, the one person who had always responded to him, no matter the time or how busy you were, you always texted him back. 

Wonwoo initially thought that even if the world ended, you would be there within arms reach, enough to hold you close, where he could keep you safe. You were predictable in that sense. But if the world decided to burst into flames, or swallow itself whole tomorrow, he’s unsure if you would be there right next to him by the time he woke up. 

two, wonwoo’s summer before senior year. 

The school year flew by with the speed of light. And before Wonwoo knew it, he was home back in Korea for the summer. The dreaded fifteen-hour plane ride over was excruciating. There was an ache in his lower back, and his knees felt like they were being struck by a hammer with every step he took. But at least the worst part was over. 

Sixteen-year-old Wonwoo was quite naive, thinking that he’d be welcomed into his home country with loving arms. That hadn’t been the case at all, and for the two months that he spent in Changwon, he couldn’t help but count the days till he could come back home. Where you had been patiently waiting for him. 

He despised being away from you, and he had yearned for you every moment he was gone. With you by his side, Wonwoo had finally understood the true meaning of solace, a peace of mind that couldn’t be replicated. Not even the fresh air that breezed through his fingers or the scent of the salty water misting its way onto the shore of his hometown could outweigh the feeling of tranquillity that he got when he was with you.

Every year that Wonwoo was dragged back to Korea by his parents was excruciating. Especially because he had a certain distaste for his relatives. Maybe it was disrespectful to loathe them the way he did, but he couldn’t care less. Their scathing comments would flow out of their mouths just to pierce daggers of judgement into his back. To insult Wonwoo was second nature to his aunts, and he couldn’t do much but sit back and listen.  

Much to his dismay, his parents hadn’t even bothered to book an Airbnb for their stay, informing him and his brother that they would be staying with his aunt. He couldn’t stand his aunt Seo-Ah in particular, and he swore the feeling was mutual. Unsure of why he had to withstand her crude remarks in front of his family without much protest, he forced himself not to dish out rude rebuttals to everything she had to say. 

There was a time when Wonwoo tried to reason with himself on why his aunt was filled with so much bitterness, but he gave up on that long ago. He was about to be seventeen now, and he couldn’t bring himself to empathize with the older lady anymore. 

“Wonwoo! You’re all grown up now, and I can’t believe it,” Seo-Ah forced him into a bone-crushing hug as he tried his best not to push her off of him. She pulled back to take a closer look at him and he could already see the scrutinizing gleam in her eyes, “You know, you’re still so skinny for your age. Do your parents not feed you enough?” 

Wonwoo wanted to scoff at her, but he kept a neutral expression. 

“No they do, I don’t know maybe it’s my fast metabolism or something,” he refuted her claims. He couldn’t wait to get out of her sight. 

“You know, maybe you should start going to the gym, get some muscle on you or something,” she patted his lanky arm and laughed that dreadful laugh. The ones that have no real humour behind it, just to cover up the obvious dig she took at his appearance. 

“Yeah maybe,” he dismisses her to head into the house. Setting his luggage down to check whether or not you’ve texted him yet. 

It was about five in the evening in Changwon, but he knew you wouldn’t be asleep. Faintly recalling how you were planning to stay up late every night to watch BuzzFeed unsolved videos, or until your mom yelled at you to go to bed. 

[4:15 p.m. kst]  [you: i stayed up all night watching buzzfeed unsolved]  [you: im going crazy i keep getting paranoid to the point i’ve turned all my mirrors backwards]  [you: hope ur flight was ok tho!!! 🫶]

He chuckled to himself, remembering your wide eyes and elaborate plan to sneak snacks into your room in the early hours of the morning behind your parents’ backs. Wonwoo missed you, and your stupid obsession with horror podcasts and YouTube shows. He missed the way your smile would shine so bright as you talked about all the haunted places the hosts would visit. 

Wonwoo did not care for horror or anything scary, but if you were to ask him to stay up all night on Facetime binge-watching your little Buzzfeed videos, he would do so in a heartbeat. 

Two days down, about another 89 to go, Wonwoo thought to himself as he looked through your messages with him. You had already spammed the chat mercilessly about your first two days of summer break, and your intricate mission to stay up without accidentally falling asleep in the middle of it all. 

[6:00 p.m. kst] [1 photo attachment]  [you: currently trying to sneak snacks into my room without my mom knowing]  [you: u better not snitch 😾]  [you: its so boring w out u here btw SO COME BACK SOON PLSS]  [you: ok thats enuff…txt me when u land!]

Wonwoo really missed you. 

…

One more week and Wonwoo would finally get to see you again. The ability to talk to you in person, hug you, and spend time with you gave him something to look forward to, and thankfully, summer break went by fast because of it. 

He had spent most of his time in Korea eating at local food spots, going to the gym, and trying a lot of new things with his brother, Seongho, giving them time to bond before he went off to University again. Wonwoo had missed his brother dearly during the school year, but at least they were able to pass the time together during summer break. 

It was initially his brother’s convincing that got him to go to the gym for the very first time. The idea of going to a place with a lot of sweaty, adrenaline-filled people kind of frightened him, but the more he went, the more he started to like what he saw in the mirror. Wonwoo’s shoulders had broadened, and his lanky arms finally started to show signs of muscles. He was satisfied in knowing that all of his hard work, and Seongho’s encouragement had finally paid off. 

Seongho told him he looked a lot more carefree now that he wasn’t so worried about his appearance all the time. And it was then that Wonwoo realized that he wasn’t all that bad-looking, after all. 

Wonwoo had begun to take pride in his vanity. He searched for different ways to style his hair, bought glasses that better suited his face shape, and, most of all, did his best to act more confidently. The sudden change made him wonder how you would react. He had been anticipating your reaction, wanting to see the look on your face once he returned home. 

“You got it. Just one more rep, and we can switch,” Seongho encouraged Wonwoo as he tried to push the bar up from his chest. 

His muscles were aching in the most addictive and satisfying way. He almost wished he had started working out earlier because only good things seemed to have come ever since he stepped foot into the gym. 

“Okay! You’re done, that was good,” his older brother high-fived him, a proud smile dancing along his lips. 

“Thanks, but my arms feel like jelly now,” he huffed a chuckle before gulping down the contents of his water bottle. 

Seongho chuckled along with him before setting himself down on the workout bench. His actions faltered, and he slowly observed the mirror in front of him, raising his eyebrows in amusement. 

“Uh, don’t look now, but I think that girl is staring at you,” Seongho tilted his head in the girl’s direction and Wonwoo couldn’t be more confused. 

“Huh? Are you sure it's me they’re looking at and not you?” 

“I’m serious! You should go talk to her,” Seongho grinned, pushing his younger brother in the direction of the girl who was supposedly eyeing Wonwoo. 

“Hyung!” Wonwoo calls out but it falls on deaf ears as his older brother begins his bench presses. 

Wonwoo turns towards the girl in the most awkward way humanly possible. He was completely dumbfounded and not sure what to do in the situation he’d been put in. The girl who was staring at him waved flirtatiously, and before he could even think about his next move, his feet had begun to move on their own accord. 

“Hi, I saw you working out over there, are you new here?” she asked him, batting her eyelashes. 

“Uhm, I guess? I’m only here for the summer though,” he spoke with apprehension, because what the hell was he even supposed to say? 

“Oh! Me too. My name is Haein, by the way.” Haein’s smile reached her eyes as she giggled, and her hand extended to shake Wonwoo’s. 

Wonwoo’s actions were practically robotic, rubbing his sweaty palms on his gym shorts before taking her hand in his. He remembers thinking about how soft her hands were, and how pretty she looked with her hair tied up in a messy bun. 

“I’m Wonwoo.” 

“Wonwoo, hmm, that’s a cute name. But I think I would like it more in my contacts,” she flirted shamelessly, her fingers squeezing his sweaty bicep. 

Wonwoo’s mind short-circuited, and he took out his phone from his pocket so fast it almost slipped out of his grasp. Haein found it endearing though, and happily gave him her phone number. 

They talked for the rest of Wonwoo's time at the gym and promised to hang out more before they both went home at the end of the summer. 

To put it simply, Wonwoo was on cloud nine for the first time since he’s been here. Suddenly his aunt Seo-Ah’s words weren’t so hurtful, his confidence had skyrocketed, plus he had a beautiful girl to talk to for the rest of his vacation. 

By the end of summer, Wonwoo started to miss you less and less. Even though he still saw you as his best friend, he began to find peace in other things, like the fresh air that breezed through his fingers or the scent of the salty water misting its way onto the shore of his hometown. Finally, for the first time in his life, Wonwoo felt serene, and that made him a little more whole than he was when he first landed in Changwon. 

…

The after-effects of Wonwoo’s surprisingly pleasant summer vacation hadn’t worn off just yet. The gift of Haein appearing in his life seemed to just keep on giving. Not only did she live overseas, she had told him that she was actually from the same city as him. It was a little hard to believe at first as if he was the main character in a cheesy rom-com, but he couldn’t find it in him to complain. Haein made him feel wanted, excited, and cared for. 

Wonwoo wasn’t entirely devoid of those feelings, especially with you as his best friend, but it was different coming from Haein. Every time he saw her, he felt like he was going to throw up, in a good way of course, but she also boosted his confidence. He liked that she made him feel like he was a man worth depending on. 

Haein was his first real relationship, and although he was still young, he could see himself being with her for a long time. 

…

Quite like the seasons, Wonwoo’s feelings for Haein changed drastically by the time school was back in session. Although he and Haein lived in the same city, there was a lot more than just distance that separated them. 

Six months into their relationship, Wonwoo began to doubt himself. He was less eager to meet her or even text her. He could only blame himself for how things turned out with Haein. Despite his adolescence, he believed he loved her; he just got tired and disinterested. 

On a subconscious level, Wonwoo could not stop comparing Haein to you, and as fucked up as that was, it was completely out of his control. Why didn’t Haein ever want to talk about what Wonwoo was interested in? Why did she seem bored out of her mind when he would delve into his theories about his favourite shows? Or anything about himself and what he liked. As though she didn’t see him for the Wonwoo he was, the personality he had behind his looks. 

“It all makes sense now! Eren had Zeke fooled!” Wonwoo couldn’t contain his excitement about the newest episode, but Haein didn’t seem interested in hearing her boyfriend geek out. 

“I'm sorry babe, but I gave up after the first episode,” Haein sighed into the phone, and if Wonwoo could guess, she was probably picking at her cuticles out of boredom. “I just didn’t get anything that was happening.” 

“Wait, really?” He was a little offended, how could she not be obsessing over the beautiful intricacies of his favourite anime? Wonwoo didn’t understand. 

He didn’t understand because when he introduced you to the show, you texted him the next day saying you were caught up to where he had left off. It amazed Wonwoo how fast you were at binge-watching shows, especially because he had told you about it on a weekday. 

You came into school the morning after with dark circles under your eyes, but even with that tired look on your face, you ran up to him with so much eagerness while thanking him for urging you to watch his favourite show. You two were obsessed and never missed out on watching the weekly episodes together.  It had become you and Wonwoo’s thing, and even though he wanted Haein to join in on the fun, he found himself more entertained by your theories than by talking on the phone with his girlfriend. 

It dawned on him that he wished that Haein acted a little more like you. And it made him feel guilty. He knew he should’ve loved Haein no matter her interests, but he wanted someone who could understand his nerdy side. And that was only something that you were able to do. 

“Honestly, I’m really tired, I’m gonna go to bed now okay?” Haein’s voice brought Wonwoo out of his thoughts. 

“Oh okay. Night.” He said before ending the call so quickly that Haein’s ‘I love you’ was cut off mid-sentence. 

Haein probably had thought he had forgotten, but Wonwoo just didn’t want to say those words if he didn’t mean it. He had grown annoyed, and a little bored of practically talking to a wall all night.  

Comparable to the light switching off in his bedroom, he decided to do the same thing with Haein. He pushed his guilt aside and decided it was probably best to leave Haein and Changwon in the past. The memories of his last week of summer with her would become something he would look back on in the future and smile. But he didn’t want to pretend any longer, it would’ve just hurt her more if he stayed, he couldn’t help that he fell out of love with her. The least he could do was not lead her on. 

Wonwoo’s relationship with Haein was merely a catalyst and a peek into what the rest of his relationships were going to look like in adulthood. He was never able to comprehend why he couldn’t keep feelings for anyone after the six-month mark, and it almost frustrated him. Something was missing in every single relationship he had been in, and he wasn’t sure what that was. But he was determined to find an answer. 

three, present time.

The answer was you. But of course, Wonwoo didn’t know that. 

“Are you gonna keep checking your phone every five minutes or are you gonna do your homework?” Mingyu lectures him. 

The two were studying in the library before their stats midterm, but Wonwoo’s mind couldn’t help but wonder. He hasn’t been acting like himself since the night of Seokmin’s party. 

“Oh, right.” Wonwoo clears his throat, putting his phone face down on the table. 

Wonwoo drags his palms against his face, trying to not let sleep overtake him. It is not his fault that every time he tries to close his eyes, your face comes into his mind. The memory of you smiling with Seokmin made his insides twist. He hasn’t seen you smile that hard in a while, and he almost misses how your eyes crinkle whenever you do so. You were practically haunting him and he had no idea how to make it stop. 

“Not to be rude, but you’ve been looking like shit lately. What’s wrong?” Mingyu questions him with furrowed eyebrows. 

Wonwoo rolls his eyes at his friend, he didn’t have to be insulted to know how crappy he looked, but Mingyu seemed to only be telling the truth. Wonwoo did look and feel like shit. With the amount of near run-ins he’s had with you and Seokmin on campus, he’s begun to sense that it’s some sort of karma. Whatever that karma may be for, he fully believes that it’s completely unwarranted. 

Forcing a hand through his dark locks, Wonwoo contemplates whether or not he should just go up to you in person and demand answers. It’s uncommon for the two of you to fight, or ignore each other for that matter. But he can’t help but presume that if he were to confront you about your silence, there would be no rightful explanation. Or at least not the explanation that he wants from you. 

Every time he even fathoms the thought of barging into your apartment and asking what the hell is wrong, there’s a lingering nervousness that he wishes would dissipate, leading him to lay awake with his thoughts for hours on end. 

“Thanks for that, asshole, I just haven’t been getting much sleep,” Wonwoo huffs. 

“Okay, obviously. You practically look like a zombie with the way you’ve been moping around. What has been keeping you up?” Mingyu presses. 

It’s not every day that Wonwoo indulges in his problems with Mingyu, that’s what you were for. However, he can’t talk about his problems about you, to you, so he’ll have to settle for the next best thing.  

“Y/N has been ignoring me since the night we all hung out at Seokmin’s,” Wonwoo confesses, and it feels nice. 

For the past two weeks, he’s been keeping his frustrations to himself, and now that he can freely speak about it lifts the weight off his chest. 

Mingyu snorts, obviously finding his friend’s situation humorous. Wonwoo sneers at Mingyu’s reaction, clearly not finding anything about you ignoring him funny. 

“Serves you right, you’re a dick to her, man.” Mingyu shrugs without any remorse to spare. 

“What?” Wonwoo sputters, since when was he a dick to you? His best friend? 

“How blind are you? You have glasses and everything but you can’t see how mean you are to her sometimes? Really?” Mingyu almost sounds offended on your behalf as he stares at Wonwoo with an incredulous expression. 

“I am not a dick to her. She would definitely tell me if I’ve ever said something to hurt her feelings,” Wonwoo defends himself. 

Attempting to rack his brain of all your moments together, he can’t seem to pick out a memory where he has been especially rude to you. Of course, you two teased each other from time to time, but he wasn’t a complete asshole. He knew when to not take a joke too far or purposely try to upset you. 

“You’re a dumbass.” Mingyu lets out a frustrated sigh which only aggravates Wonwoo even more. 

“Could you stop with the insults for one second and just tell me what’s going on?” 

Shutting his laptop, Mingyu’s posture becomes serious, a deviation from his usual carefree and smiley self. He cares about you just as much as the next person, so if he had to reality-check his friend, then so be it. 

“She cares about you a lot. And you treat her like shit. It’s not about what you’ve said to her, it’s your actions. Ever since we were in high school all you’ve done is use her to solve your problems. I can’t even blame her for wanting to cut you off. I don’t know what happened at Seokmin’s place for her to realize that, but you don’t deserve her,” Mingyu confesses. 

Soaking up each word that left Mingyu’s mouth, Wonwoo sat in a pool of perplexity. There are so many questions flying through his mind, yet he can’t seem to utter a single word. Is that really how everyone perceives his friendship with you? 

Wonwoo is going to throw up. There's a tightness in his chest and a burning sensation behind his eyes. He wants nothing more than to hear all of this coming from you, not Mingyu. The frustration of wanting to talk to you about this is taking a toll on him, he doesn’t want to believe that Mingyu is telling the truth. 

It’s not fair. It’s not fair that Mingyu gets to know these things about you while Wonwoo is just left in the dark. Did he make you feel like you couldn’t tell him anything? 

Ever since Wonwoo met you, it was evident that he can be quite merciless when it comes to his relationships, but that’s romantic, not platonic. Wonwoo was convinced that he treated you equally because that’s how it's supposed to be. 

Hearing Mingyu talk about his friendship with you in that way caused Wonwoo’s whole world to crash down. And the only thing he can do in moments like these is seek out your comfort, except he can’t anymore. Not only has he been a terrible friend without realizing it, but he’s pushed you so far to the brink that you’d rather ignore him than attempt to hash out what’s been troubling you.

“I-I didn’t know that's how you guys saw our friendship,” Wonwoo falters, clearly taken aback, and still attempting to fully comprehend what’s been said to him. 

“It’s not that we see your friendship with her that way, it is that way. If I was her, I would’ve cut you off a long time ago.” 

“Well, thanks, Gyu. I feel like this could’ve been said before she started ignoring me,” Wonwoo huffs, trying to come up with the words to explain his side.

“It was kinda obvious, man,” Mingyu shrugs. 

“Was it, though? If I had known, I would’ve at least tried to be better,” Wonwoo attests, tired of feeling like the bad guy. 

“How about you just talk to her about it instead of sulking,” Mingyu suggests. 

Desperation hijacked his rational thinking, making Mingyu’s advice sound plausible. Talking to you seemed out of the equation since you started ignoring him; he feared you wouldn’t even answer if he tried to call or show up at your door. But he can’t go on like this, especially now that he knows there is more to your friendship than he had initially thought. 

four. 

For the first time in Wonwoo’s life, he’s unsure about what decision to make. Although he wants nothing more than to knock on your door, his feet stop him from even entering your building. So instead of mucking up the courage to talk to you face to face, he waits inside his car. Without a solid plan, he continues to sit there, biding his time. 

Never has he acted so pathetic in his life, not even for the sake of his relationships. He knows that nothing will come from sitting there, just watching, but before he can even comprehend what he is doing and where he is going, he is already across the street from your place. 

Gripping on the leather of his steering wheel, he just couldn’t help himself. He can’t help but watch your silhouette from your window. The curtains are drawn, but there are glimpses of you walking around. He’s such a fucking loser. What type of person has Wonwoo become that he resorts to stalking you from the front of your building? 

After all that Mingyu has enlightened him on, Wonwoo’s attitude has become less angry and more apologetic. There was a line he pondered crossing, and it practically mocked him. Stepping over that line would mean getting answers from you, demanding to be brought into the light that you had snuffed out from under him. But his uncertainty of the outcome outweighed his decision to do so.

That same apologetic attitude died a fiery death after watching Seokmin leave your apartment. There you were in all your glory, the tiny sleep set clinging onto your body as the wind forced its way into the door of your building. Then there was Seokmin, grinning like a fucking idiot as he waved goodbye. 

“Shit!” Wonwoo grunts as he ducks down, not wanting to blow his cover. His car was visible from where the two of you stood, hoping that you weren’t able to recognize it in the dead of night.  

Boring holes into the back of Seokmin’s head, Wonwoo's guilt diminished, floating away with the cold night breeze. You were fine, and he should’ve known that the root of all his problems started with the name Lee Seokmin. 

The shape of your figure had faded into the confines of your building. Yet Wonwoo can still make out your body through the glass window of your door. He can’t help but gawk at your skimpy attire, your ass practically on display for the whole world to see. The deathly twist in his gut intensifies the more he ponders on what may have happened during Seokmin’s visit. Wonwoo desperately wants to stop thinking about the possibilities, especially because your lack of clothing only fueled that inferno inside his mind. 

He’s never been more annoyed at Seokmin in his entire life, not until today. 

Wonwoo allowed himself to ignore the signs, but only for a moment. But this, this he can’t ignore. Not after what he witnessed. He allowed himself to stay ignorant when it came to your silence because he had been so naive to think that it was your decision. Now that he knows Seokmin had somehow weaselled his way closer to you, Wonwoo had to make sure this plan of his didn’t go on any longer. 

…

There is a heat inside Wonwoo that, for some reason, he cannot extinguish. The curve and outlines of your body burn in the back of his retinas. No matter how many times he’s tried to put himself to sleep, the image of you is clear as day in his mind.  Sparks crawl their way up his spine, and he desperately wishes that it would just go away. 

There’s a point where Wonwoo gave up on trying to sleep altogether. Thoughts of you, your body, and the oh-so-painful reminder that you’re still ignoring him. How can he sleep with everything going on? What made things worse, was the fact that the one person he wanted to call most likely wouldn’t pick up.

Wonwoo wasn’t the type of person to let his emotions get the better of him, but this abrupt rift that has been torn between you two has him acting out in ways he’s never acted before. 

The urge to grab his phone, to text you, to give it one more try, grows perpetually every second he lies awake. 

One more time. One more attempt. What does he have to lose? 

Wonwoo stands up, pacing around nonsensically, trying to think of what to say. For all he knows, you may not even answer, but there is the urge to hear your voice one more time and see your name pop up on his screen. Wonwoo yearns for you so much so that it supersedes any part of common sense he has left in him. 

[12:52 a.m.]  [wons <3: darling. can we talk? please?]  [not delivered] 

The silence within the four walls of Wonwoo’s bedroom is harrowing. Out of all the outcomes he had considered before he texted you, the outcome of you blocking him was not even on the list. 

Before jumping to some sort of conclusion, Wonwoo’s finger hovers over the call button with skepticism. If you don’t pick up, then that’s it. That would be the definitive answer to all his qualms. 

“The number you have called is not available, please leave a message at the tone,” an automated voice affirmed his suspicions. 

The notification is gut-wrenching, but he can’t just sit here and pretend like it’s okay for you to do this. To decide without any of his input. What kind of friend were you to just drop him like he was nothing but an old toy? How unfair did you have to be to not even try to talk it out before you completely cut him off? 

five. 

Pacing outside the door of your apartment, Wonwoo hasn’t been this nervous in years. He has always been so sure of himself, but it’s almost two in the morning and he’s still continuing to weigh his options. 

It’s either you’ll let him in, and talk for the first time in almost two weeks, or you’ll kick him out before he can step a foot past the door. Desperately, he desires that it be the first option. Losing you over this would break him, and not in the way you would expect. 

He’s already lost his mind. This shouldn’t be the way you two break it off. It won’t be the way you two break it off. Not if Wonwoo has a say in the situation. 

Sweaty palms and white knuckles rasp against the dark oak that barricades himself from you. There’s nothing that Wonwoo wants more than to see your face glowing in front of him. And before he can even get a word out to you, the door whips open. The person on the other side is someone Wonwoo is starting to get really sick of seeing. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Both Wonwoo and Seokmin speak in unison. 

Scoffing, Wonwoo rolls his eyes at his so-called friend, “I think I should be asking you that. You clearly don’t live here.” 

“Minnie? Is someone at the door?” your voice is as sweet as a glass of lemonade on a hot summer’s day. 

Minnie. Wonwoo almost threw up in his mouth. 

Minnie. The nickname is parallel to nails scraping against a chalkboard. 

“Yeah! Your neighbour just needed to borrow something,” Seokmin goads through a sickly sweet smile, eyes never leaving Wonwoo’s. Without as much as a word of mockery, Seokmin’s expression had said more than his words ever could have. 

Despite his soft demeanour, Wonwoo knew there was something vile hiding under Seokmin’s thick skin. 

A rebuttal to his deception is on the tip of Wonwoo’s tongue, but your melodic voice echoes throughout your home once more. The refute dies within his throat, and he hopes you will come out and see what your “neighbour” is looking for. 

“Okay!” is the only response you give out. The reverberation of the water hitting the shower tiles causes Wonwoo’s stomach to practically lurch out his abdomen. 

“Whatever you’re doing, she’s not gonna fall for it,” Wonwoo jeered, staring at Seokmin with looks that should kill, if he could. 

Seokmin chuckles bitterly, “She already has.” 

There was no need for Wonwoo to put two and two together; he already knew what Seokmin was alluding to. It left a dreadful taste in his mouth. 

Puffing out his chest, Wonwoo takes a step closer towards the man he once considered a close friend. Sizing him up, he knew that Seokmin was the reason for the wedge in your friendship. And Wonwoo had no problem treating him as such. 

“You’re fucking sick, you know that?” Wonwoo practically spits in his face. 

“I could say the same thing for you,” Seokmin mutters, unperturbed, “I didn’t have to do anything you know? Just a little push and she fell into my lap, voluntarily.” 

“I’m not just going to let you get away with something like this. She’s my best friend.” 

“I think the correct tense is was. She was your best friend,” Seokmin taunted. 

He was wrong about Seokmin. Even though he had known about his friend's crush on you for years, Wonwoo didn’t expect the lengths Seokmin would go to in order to cut him out of the picture. 

Before a breath could even escape his lips, Seokmin cuts him off, “I think it’s time for you to leave. She doesn’t want to see you.”

The last few words that he heard come out of Seokmin’s mouth nearly fell on deaf ears. It was practically a whisper, laced with enough malice to almost kill the fighting spirit inside him. Almost. 

“By the way, don’t text her anymore. I’ve made sure she won’t get any more notifications from you.” 

The realization had struck Wonwoo hard. He knew you well enough that you wouldn’t just block him so carelessly, without a word no less. Yet he was no match for Seokmin, not after the fact that you allowed him into your home, your heart, so willingly. 

…

Lying in wait, Wonwoo observes the door of your building once more. The distinct difference this time was that Wonwoo had no guilt left in him to care. Whether you see him or his car across the street didn’t matter to him anymore. The only thing Wonwoo wanted to make sure of was whether or not Seokmin would be leaving your place. 

After what had felt like hours, he watched the same scene from last night unfold in front of him once more. The abhorrent hug goodbye that is exchanged between you and Seokmin is nothing but a cue for Wonwoo to make his move.

With as much grace as a bull in a china shop, he slams the car door shut, not even bothering to lock it before he stalks his way to your apartment. The anticipation caused the hairs on his neck to stand straight up. As he presses the button to your floor, he can only deliberate whether any of Seokmin’s words hold any truth behind them.

 Certainly not, right? Not after all the years you spent together. His friendship with you couldn’t end on this vague note. You were always the sentimental type, holding onto trinkets, memories, and even people for far too long. It should be the same with Wonwoo; he believed it would be the same. 

If there is a chance, you should allow him to talk and voice his opinion. No, Wonwoo will voice his opinion; there has never been a time when you haven’t let him speak. 

As the elevator ascends to your floor, anxiety begins to weigh down his shoulders. The feeling is atypical and Wonwoo hates how his throat constricts. He hates how his clothes feel too tight and stuffy despite his casual attire. Is this how it feels? To actually care about someone and whether their decisions might affect him later on? 

Footsteps echo within the hallway, and with each step he takes, the illusion steadily becomes more vivid. Your front door almost looks like it’ll take a mile before Wonwoo can reach it, rather than a few feet away. 

After what felt like years, Wonwoo stands before the entrance of your home once more. The foreboding tension won’t vanish and it’s starting to make him itch. Without another thought, Wonwoo forces himself to knock on the door knowing it’ll be you who answers this time, not Seokmin. 

“Minnie? Did you leave something agai—,” Abrupt silence engulfs your words, leaving nothing but an echo to resonate within the expanse of your long hallway.

“Wonwoo…” your voice falters, like you genuinely didn’t expect to see him, let alone have him standing outside your door. 

“Did you fuck him?” Wonwoo cuts to the chase, not leaving any room for you to ask questions. 

His blunt words caused a frown to grace your soft pink lips, and Wonwoo almost felt bad for being so frank. But he doesn’t have time to beg for your forgiveness, the anger surmounting to nothing but harsh words and a push past you and into your home. 

“Did you fuck him? Yes or no?”  Wonwoo continues to press you for answers, agitated that you have the audacity to stand there dumbfounded. As if you don’t know who he's talking about. “C’mon, you know who I’m talking about,” he can almost laugh at the situation in front of him. 

How is it that all the rage he built up for Seokmin is being taken out on you? Wonwoo had no clue, but the thought of his friend-now-enemy defiling you, tasting you, while Wonwoo desperately waited for your call caused him to direct all his anger to you. Perhaps it’s undeserving to do so, but Wonwoo’s frustration spoke for him before his brain could even register what he was saying. 

“The past two weeks you’ve been ignoring me, spending your time with him, do you know where his true intentions lie?” Wonwoo continues to rant with unpreparedness. 

He didn’t plan what he was going to say because there was a moment of doubt, he had expected you to open the door just to slam it right back in his face. The look you gave him almost brought him to his knees. Your doe-eyed expression could’ve broken down every wall he’s built if only he hadn’t let his anger proceed him. 

Wonwoo should’ve cried, to plead for you to take him back. To go back to the way things were. He knew he fucked up the moment he uttered a single word. The hurt flashed across your face as though Wonwoo turned your world upside down. 

“Seokmin doesn’t care about you, and I’ll tell you that now because you need to hear it. He just wants to fuck you! And you just gave that to him?” He can’t stop talking. 

“Stop. Just stop fucking talking Wonwoo. Do you hear yourself right now?” You cut off his rant. “Out of all people, who gave you the right to tell me who I can and cannot fuck? Especially knowing the type of person that you are. It doesn’t matter if Seokmin and I had sex. What matters is the fact that you think you can barge in here at two-thirty in the morning interrogating me over a situation that doesn’t involve you.” 

“No. I’m just trying to help you. Seokmin isn’t the person that you think he is,” Wonwoo seethes, annoyed at how you’re twisting his words. 

The bile in his throat rose further, as you stood before him like he had just kicked your dog. Wonwoo’s extremely aware of the hole he had dug for himself, but he couldn’t stop. His urge to self-sabotage overrides his common sense. 

“That is exactly what we’re not going to do right now. Seokmin has been a better friend to me than you have been in all the years we’ve known each other. I have been by your side for years, bending over backwards. I was at your beck and call and I’m tired. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and warn myself about you. I fell in love with my best friend, and the worst part was that you didn’t care enough to notice. 

“I gave up so much for you, Wonwoo. I lost myself trying to please you. But I give up. I was drowning in my love for you. It consumed every part of me to the point I couldn’t even come up for air. And I’m just sick of it. I know there’s a part of you that cares about me too, but it’ll never be equal. I’ll always love you more than you love me, and I don’t want to feel this way anymore.” 

“What hurts me the most, is that you thought it would be okay to accuse me of things I didn’t even do. I did not sleep with Seokmin, but why is that what you care about?  He respects me and just wants to be there for me. And that’s a lot more than I could ever say about you.” 

Your voice was terrifyingly calm, with neither a lilt nor a hiccup during your speech. The heft of your declaration crashed back down onto Wonwoo, leaving him at a loss for words. 

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing to come out of his mouth after a long pause. 

“Please. It’s late, you should go home,” you sigh, but Wonwoo couldn’t move an inch. He refused. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats himself, looking into your eyes, searching for the look of endearment you had always given him. 

“Wonwoo…” there it is. Your voice had broken for the first time since Wonwoo stepped foot in the place. 

“Please. I’m so fucking sorry. For getting angry, for doubting you, for not realizing how badly you were hurting,” Wonwoo resorted to pleading. 

A look of desperation mixed with agony was the only thing you could exchange for his apologies.

The stare of grief you had given him caused a shooting pain to swell throughout his limbs. The one that begins at his fingertips, creeping up to tug at the strings that held his heart together. He wanted this nightmare to end, and he was sure you did too. 

“It’s time for you to go. I’m tired, Wonwoo.”  A single tear slips and trickles down your cheek. 

He regrets not wiping it away for you at that moment. It was the first time he had been so unsure of his actions. So, instead, he walked out of your apartment, leaving nothing but the lingering scent of his cologne and a piece of his heart. 

Wonwoo's world was crumbling underneath him, and there was only one person he refused to let go of. He should’ve known.

He should’ve known that you were in front of him this whole damn time.

end of act one.

⊹ a/n: if you liked this story pls dont be afraid to let me know thru a reblog, comment or ask! also a big ty to my beshies forever @vapidlynn and @bunnyjjongie who i've texted multiple times in the wee hours of the morning for reassurance abt this thing hehe.

[allsassnoclass]

Fic ask game: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 11, 13, 14 & 15!

oh wowza!!! alright! let's go! thank you for asking!

1. Favorite place to write. the corner of my couch in the living room! preferably with a blanket

2. Favorite part of writing. i love lightbulb moments! that feeling when you finally figure out a little detail that fills a plot hole, or when writing an au you have a great idea for how to incorporate/parallel a canon event. even just having a realization of what your story is actually about and how to lean into that more. stuff like that is so satisfying to me, so I absolutely adore when I get those moments.

3. Least favorite part of writing. i've been unhappy with editing lately. it used to be a breeze for me, but lately i've been getting really critical of my writing and much harder to satisfy, which means editing either takes forever or it feels hopeless and i end up releasing something i'm not fully satisfied with or confident in

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals? i don't think i have any specific ones! maybe developing a few would make it easier to get into it when the time comes.

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most. i really love Maggie Stiefvater, especially the way she uses figurative language, but I don't think my personal style necessarily reflects that, at least not as much as I would maybe want to. honestly, i don't know who has actually influenced my style. every author that i read works for leaves a little itty bitty speck of influence, so it's probably a combination of fifty billion different people.

7. Favorite author. as stated above, it's Maggie Stiefvater. The Raven Cycle is my absolute favorite book series and Ronan Lynch is my absolute favorite character. I do also want to mention Terry Pratchett though, because I'm into Discworld and I really appreciate his ability to write wacky humor and social commentary, plus having Death talk in all caps all the time is a vibe.

8. Favorite trope to write. fake dating, baby!!!!! I have posted 5 fake dating fics so far. 3 of them are the 3 longest fics i've ever written. i have many, many other fake dating ideas. i love how blurry the line gets between acting and sincerity, and the exploration of how much of love is a feeling and how much is actions and how much is based on outside perception or not, plus it is SO tasty for pining.

9. Least favorite trope to write. i don't like "getting to know each other" moments, so strangers to lovers can be a challenge. getting characters from not knowing each other at all to being in love is difficult and tedious for me.

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish. oh man. screaming and crying :) no i'm kidding. first i am hit with an idea. then i let the idea marinate for anywhere from 1 day to 3 or 5 years. then i begin the wip! i start writing from the beginning and just keep going until it's done, often with many, many interruptions and forays into other wips in between. then when I finish, i edit (which is mostly spelling, grammar, word choice, and double checking throughlines and cohesiveness. to date, i haven't rearranged the order of scenes or major plot points in the editing phase). after i edit, i post! then the cycle begins again (or continues with a different fic, as i always work on multiple at once).

13. How do you deal with writers block? historically, not well. i get upset about it and complain. but because i have so many wips and well over 100 ideas jotted down, i can always pivot to another fic if it's plot/character-related writers block. if all writing is difficult, then i might take a break and try to focus on reading or other things

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book? pas de deux took a decent amount of research on professional ballet companies and various twin cities details. by the time unmute is over, however, it will have significantly more research sunk into it. it already has had so much. not only have i had to do a huge amount of research on 5sos and significant events in their lives/career beginning in 2011, but i researched visual art programs at colleges (including individual class listings), salt lake city, utah, when gay marriage was legalized in utah/the entire USA/Australia, the legality of getting married in a country where you're not a citizen, social media/chatting apps of the early 2010s, etc. there's a lot going on here.

15. Where does your inspiration come from? anywhere! everywhere! i take inspiration from other stories, songs, things that happen to me, things that happen to my friends, basically anything can serve as inspiration!

Thank you for asking!

[literallink]

Not sure if anyone has asked already, but I would love to learn more about your SUPER BIG little linked universe warriors fanfiction. :)

HEEHOOHEEHOO OHOHOHOHO YOUVE DONE IT! YOUVE INDULGED ME! I AM ABSOLUTELY VIBRATING WITH SO MANY IDEAS MWAH I LOVE YOU I AM KISSIM YOU ON THE MOUTH!!/p

n ee ways WAHOOGA this "little" idea started around 1 month ago. Upon finding out that Hyrule Warriors Definitive Edition is NOT canon BOOOOOOOO i have decided that fuck it if hyrule warriors isn't canon ANYTHING is canon. or rather, you can do anything in hyrule warriors and it would be supposedly canon in its own universe.

and that's how my most genius idea began: "Warriors is Hylia's OC Do Not Steal," the series. Wait no come baCK I SWEAR ITS GOOD-

"Warriors is Hylia's OC Do Not Steal" is a series about Warriors being absolutely ANYTHING, mostly due to Hylia's interference. It's like those "Prince Wild" or "Legend is Fable's brother" fics, except those are more noticeable trends while Warriors isn't really worked upon beyond the canon events inside his game. Aside from that really good Storyteller!Warriors fic, amazing Mailman!Warriors series and your local wingfic Warriors is pretty much a dot on the Linked Universe AUs. While yes there are LU aus including the whole chain, it's hard to find a Warriors-centric one that wasn't last year or 2020. So god bless silvercaptain they deserve this mention.

To touch more on the WHODNS series (a working title send help) ill have to explain the series within the series first. Basically, I am going to put Warriors into so many situations and some of them will end up getting me so hyperfixated that I will be forced by my own hand to make a series for it. I actually have a series inside WHODNS in the works right now called "Seventeen," I might make a masterpost about all my ideas sooner or later. You're free to ask for now though!

Seventeen is a Warriors-centric series wherein his connection with the royal family and therefore the Zeldas seem to be more intimate than one would think. And no, not THAT kind of intimate. All ships are the canonwise ones currently and never the main focus of the story.

The Zeldas play a somewhat important role in this story, considering the fact that they're actually joining the chain for their adventure. Why? Connected to the plot I can't say shit (..I need help to come up with a name for a group of Zeldas though).

Here's a sneak peek of the first work in the Seventeen series called "I Used to Kid Myself in this Dress." Yes. It's based off of the MARINA and the Diamonds song.

The portals are acting weird. And by that, they’re forcing all the Zeldas to join the chain on their quest to…no one’s really sure, actually. Every Link agrees that they’re happy to finally have their lover, friend or even sister by their side. Except Warriors.

Because his Zelda isn’t even with them at all.

Or 9 times the Zeldas had a less than pleasant interaction with our resident “ladies’ man,” and one time a Zelda actually took the time to understand him and break that stereotype

Not my favorite work of the series (I have like, 2 more), but it IS the first one. The one after this is called "Rise of a King (Fall of a Queen)," which has my favorite summary so far. Both are currently in the works! "I Used to Kid Myself in this Dress" will have 10 chapters, while "Rise of a King (Fall of a Queen)" are still undecided.

Maybe if people like the idea I'll release the summary for "Rise of a King (Fall of a Queen)."

Alright! Time to rant. Warriors' game is a GOLDMINE for multiple situations. As sad as it is that its not canon it baffles me that no one has thought of the possibilities for it in writing (I have a post for it right here! Although it's more or less just cluttered thoughts).

I hope this post sums it up! Sorry if there are instances where my words don't make sense haha, I'm just really happy that someone bothered to even like my post. My brain was just telling me to write EVERYTHING down but that would spoil the surprise. Have a great day!

[sushiburritonoms]

Untitled Library Din/Luke ficlet

@darkisrising asked for #25 on the AU short fic list and I wasn't short enough for the little Ask box reply thing. I have worked multiple positions in libraries public and private so this came really quickly to me. Sorry for the multiple inside jokes in here but I hope @sadiebwrites appreciates this!

--

Normally Luke enjoyed Wednesday mornings. The middle of the week was a quieter time for library staff; it was far enough away from the hell that was the weekend shifts that Luke could take a break and mentally prepare himself for Thursday’s Toddler Storytime and Friday’s afterschool crush.  There were usually only a few moms with small children hanging around the board books corner at this time and typically his page could handle their easy questions.  It was supposed to be a nice peaceful time for him.

“Heads up Luke, your DILF is back.”

Luke nearly dropped the stack of new picture books he was carrying out from tech services. “Geez Dak, careful with that cart! ….Wait my what now?”

The library page grinned as took the new books from Luke’s hands and put them on his cart. “Your DILF! He’s in Children’s with his kid. You know, the biker looking dude with the sweet ‘tash?”

“I’m sorry young Dak,” the reference librarian Obi-Wan said with his head still huddled over his Wednesday crossword puzzle, “but might I inquire what a ‘DILF’ is?”

“No you may not!” Luke moaned as he ran his hand over his face. “And please keep your voice down.”

“Sorry boss!” Chirped Dak, “but they’re the only two in the room right now, so you got him all to yourself!”

“Luke’s got who all to himself?” their archivist Tionne asked as she walked by with her empty coffee mug.

“The DILF from last week. He’s back with his toddler and it’s not even Thursday,” Dak reported breathlessly.

“Hmm, is this the dark haired patron with the 2 year old boy, just moved in from Nevada?” Obi-Wan said thoughtfully as he finally looked up. “The one you were all telling me about last week?”

Dak nodded. “The hot one, yeah!”

“Don’t you have books to shelve,” Luke hissed at his page.

“Oh that’s so sweet,” Tionne murmured, “you looked so smitten after they left last week too.”

“I did not!” Luke protested. “I looked like my usual non smitten, very busy self.”

“You spent a half hour with them and pulled every single amphibian book we had for the dad,” Dak reported, “the guy looked overwhelmed as he left.”

“I was doing my job,” Luke said through gritted teeth, “just like a certain somebody should be doing.”

“I’m going, I’m going,” Dak smirked as he started to push his cart out into the public area.

“Wait a minute,” Luke said suddenly as he remembered something. He peered at Dak’s bookcart and pulled a green and pink picture book out. “I think I’m gonna need this.”

Dak frowned. “You better not try to reshelve that yourself, I need to take stats if you use it.”

“I’m fully capable of logging usage stats myself,” said Luke.

“Yes, but will you?” Tionne asked as she sipped her coffee.

“No.” Obi-Wan and Dak replied for Luke.

“Why do I put up with any of you,” Luke muttered to himself.  “I’m leaving this conversation now.”

“Hmm,” said Obi-Wan. “Have fun with the ...DILF.”

“Oh my God, please never say that again,” Luke begged his mentor as he almost but not quite ran from the back room. The sound of Tionne and Dak laughing followed him out.

Sure enough as Luke walked towards the Children’s Room he could see there were only two patrons inside. The tiny toddler Grogu was absorbed in yet another book about frogs and snuggled inside of one of Luke’s red bean bag chairs, while his father sat awkwardly in a child sized wooden chair.  For a moment, Luke thought he might be able to sneak back to the reference desk without being spotted but nope. Little Grogu looked up and squealed in a non library friendly pitch as he spotted him.

“Shhh, mijo,” his father said gently. “We’re in a library, remember? Inside voice.”

“It’s alright,” Luke said as he stepped towards them. “There’s hardly anyone here at the moment.”

The father was startled and looked up at Luke. Then he unfolded himself from the tiny chair and stood up, looking strangely nervous. “Ah...hello.”

Luke put on his best friendly and not at all flirty children’s librarian face. “Hello again and ¡Hola, Grogu! ¿Cómo estás?”

The toddler squeaked from the beanbag chair in almost incomprehensible Spanish.

“Bien,” his father translated. “¿Y Usted?”

Luke’s spanish was limited to grade school level so he just went with “Muy bien, ¡gracias!” Then switched back to English. “Did we finish all of those books from last week?  What a great reader, excellente!”

Grogu’s dad looked up with his gorgeous brown eyes and chuckled, his deep voice sending a small bolt of electricity down Luke’s spine. “He wouldn’t put them down, he’s been obsessed with them all week. Especially the bilingual ones, thank you Mr. Skywalker.”

“Call me Luke,” he said with a smile. “You got a real reader there, señor…” Luke waited.

“Oh!” The man said. “Sorry, I guess I forgot to introduce myself last week. Din Djarin.”

“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Djarin.”

“Just Din is fine.” Din gave Luke a shy smile that sent more fluttering feelings throughout Luke’s cardigan covered chest.

“Din then.” He couldn’t help staring, fascinated by how the dingy lighting of their poorly funded library could still make Din’s eyes look amazing. Oh he had it bad--and for a patron! If the Head Librarian Jocasta Nu saw him, he’d get another damn lecture about professionalism and there would go his chances for the library to fund his trip to ALA in Chicago this year.

“¡Papi!” Grogu suddenly said. “¡Quiero libro!” He pointed to the picture book held in Luke’s arms.

Luke blinked. “Oh of course! Yes, this is for you.” He knelt down and handed Grogu the picture book. “This book is new, we just got it today and it’s about Frogs. It’s called ‘Kiki Kokí: La Leyenda Encantada del Coquí.” In English it was ‘The Legend of the Coquí Frog.’

Din looked down and gave Luke a huge smile. “Another bilingual book.”

“I try to order as many as I can,” Luke said solemnly. “I have some time, would you like for me to read it to him? It would be good to practice my Spanish in front of a more sympathetic audience.” The toddlers at Thursday’s Storytime were brutal critics.

“I--we--would love that,” Din said, giving Luke another amazing smile.

Oh god he loved Wednesday mornings, even if he was in so much trouble.

---

You can request a ficlet from the AU list here but I'll probably be slow in replying (I need to go do some actual work lol).

Edit: There's a part II here

[im-a-lil-simp]

hello!! could i request a wilbur fic about joining him for a if you laugh you lose? :) take your time and i hope you have a great day! <3

Indirect Introductions (Wilbur Soot x Reader)

I really loved writing this, even if I put it off and wrote it over the span of 2 days. I'd usually just get it done in 1 session, but I was all over the place today. I hope you enjoy it! I kept it as romantic as I could.

It had been a chilly day. You woke up cold, you went shopping cold, and cold you stayed. It took everything in you to not just stay inside all day and burrow under your blankets, turn on a space heater, and try to sleep for the rest of the day.

In your mind nothing was stopping you. But on the way back to your house after shopping for some much needed household products, it dawned on you that you still had to show up to the office today.

You happened to work for Wilbur Soot himself. He wasn't the biggest deal, compared to larger people in the media, but with a couple million subs, he still needed help carrying his workload.

You happened to be one of those who helped to carry that workload. Being a long time friend of Wilbur, he offered you an editing job when your old one let you go. He was very understanding and knew you had some prior experience.

When he switched to streaming in an office, he invited those who worked for him to use the space as well. It wasn't necessary, it was just an offer. But when you ended up being the only person to take him up on it, it felt a bit awkward.

Sure, the office wasn't very big, but having it just be the two of you there felt off somehow. But you'd be lying if you said you didn't like that it was just the both of you.

You guys would constantly bump into each other, Wilbur muttering a quick 'sorry bout that' before moving on. The small flush of your face that would occur after that was not easy to hide, but you managed.

He was always such a gentleman with how he approached the close quarters situation. Always letting you go ahead of him if you got there at the same time, waiting for you to get comfortable before trying to move around you, etc.

None of that changed the groan that came from your mouth when you realized you had work to do at the office. You honestly did not feel like cutting down a whole stream vod for what felt like forever.

Once again leaving your house, you set your sights on your workplace, slowly trudging along as you did so.

Upon arriving, you noticed that Wilbur was already inside. The door was unlocked and his stuff was placed messily inside. He had been streaming when you walked in. Reciting his famous you laugh you lose rules as you hung up your coat.

You smiled to yourself as you made your way to your little makeshift workspace. It was comfortable and effective.

That was before Wilbur was damn near yelling your name to get you to come over to him. You, a meek little editor, had no business being on camera. But there you were, just out of view as you spoke to Wilbur.

"Join me on stream. You can get more lives than me."

"But Wilbur, I have editing to do."

This was mainly an excuse. While it was true,  you just didn't want to have to be on camera. You weren't exactly the most secure person out there. As well as the fact that it meant you had to sit directly next to Wilbur for the stream to see you well.

"Oh come on. Chat's tired of me. Come sit over here."

Ultimately you knew that you wouldn't be able to say no. His pleading made you feel weak and your heart probably couldn't take much more.

With a heavy sigh, you look around for your chair. Its wheels making too much noise against the floor as you roll it next to Wilbur's.

He had you introduce yourself to his chat, so you gave a quick 'hi' and told them that you were just his editor.

"You're more than just my editor. You're also one of my good friends, aren't you?"

You chuckled out a half-hearted 'yea' before internally screaming at yourself. Of course he wouldn't just admit anything in front of his stream, but he had you in the first half, not gonna lie.

You had no clue how you were supposed to keep your flaming cheeks to yourself if you were on stream.

The chat was being spammed with messages of support. Many greetings from his fans that you only ever see in vods or hear him talk about during streams.

Mediashare donations kept rolling in as you tried you hardest not to laugh. While Wilbur only had one life, he and chat agreed to give you around 10.

This was probably a good thing, as you weren't as experienced as Wilbur was. Choking out a couple of laughs at videos Wilbur had already seen multiple times (smh y'all are breaking one of the rules), you had been brought down to six lives.

The stream had been live for about 2 hours now and Wilbur despperately wanted to end the stream. He hadn't been too up to it today, for the same reasons as you. It was just one of those days where you didn't want to do a single thing.

He kept trying to make you laugh, going so far as to poke your sides a couple of times to get you to budge. But you weren't moving.

You were, however, extremely conscious of how close the two of you were. You were extra careful to make sure you were ver consistant distance at all times. If you so much as brushed Wilbur's hand, you would probably break out into a full flush and maybe even a stutter.

You did not want to do that on stream.

By the time he finally ended the stream, you still had 4 lives left. You ended off stronger than you thought and felt kind of proud of yourself.

Once the stream had ended he expressed how proud he was of you and how long you made it had him bringing up a hand for a high five. Thinking nothing of it, you went in, the pride of your success making you feel very confident.

As soon as your hands collided, he intertwined his fingers with yours. This sudden change of plans made you very confused but also very embarrassed.

Not wanting to pull away you both sat there awkwardly. You guessed that he had not planned much further than this.

You coughed awkwardly before he pulled both of your hands down. He scooted closer to you before rubbing his thumb against your hand. You had no idea how to react to this.

"I hope it was alright that I dragged you into the stream like that," he muttered lowly.

"It's really fine, I understand wanting to spice up your streaming."

"Yea, I guess I just wanted them to know who you were, so that hopefully if you said yes when I asked you out, they would already know who you were."

It took you a second to fully process what he was saying. Blinking a couple times, and summoning zero words from your brain, you sat there looking like a fish out of water.

Finally finding the right words, you blurted,

"You were planning on asking me out? Me? On a date?"

You were shocked. Nothing could have ever prepared you for this.

"Yea you."

"Does that mean I can say yes?"

He did nothing but laugh at that. Hopefully his stream would be delighted when it finally came time to tell them you were dating.

[blueprint-han]

stay tonight — bang chan.

↪ why, you must be in love, then. oh trust me, i know.

— new years’ with Chan is spent confessing known feelings to each other and getting back at him for what he did to you on your first date.

pairing: chan x (gn) reader [while this was written with a fem reader in mind, i do think this can be read with a gender neutral perspective]

genre: fluff.

⇥ warnings: nothing at all! a little bit of kissing here and there, but this is completely sfw.

word count: 2.6 K

type: drabble. 

⇥ disclaimer: this fiction does not represent the activities of the real Bang Chan, nor is associated with JYPE in any form. Events are pure fiction. ♡

song: this was inspired by Stay Tonight by Chungha! Highly recommend listening to it when reading this fic <3

↯ note: This is actually shit™ because I was very writers blocky with this fic and had to rewrite it many times to develop a decent plot </3 still, hope you have a lovely Christmas! 🥰 Happy reading <3 this isn’t very well edited so please excuse any errors <//3 ⇥ dawn.☀️

“You know you’re not supposed to be sitting there, right?” 

You straighten up and turn around at the familiar sound that rings through your ears, content when it’s exactly who you wish to see standing there. The smile exchanged between the both of you is simple, sweet and relaxing as you get off where you’re seated on the compound of the building. Walking towards him, your hands go around his waist and he chuckles in response. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You revert back. “I was just about to call you.”

Chan quirks a brow at you, silently grabbing your hand and leading you to the two random chairs placed at a convenient angle — one where you can both bask in each other’s presence and do some stargazing at the same time.

“Why? Did you miss me that much?” His tone is very cocky at the moment, and it makes you want to kiss that stupid grin off his lips. Sadly, he knows you well enough to know that such comments only fluster you when spoken — and that’s exactly what happens — you feel yourself go warm from the inside, a dizzy expression taking over your face as you sit next to him.

Love. The first time you’d encountered the term was in first grade — yet you’re almost certain it’s nothing like what you feel when he’s around you. This kind of love is different — it’s special. It’s the kind of love that causes a fiery sensation to bubble through you when you spare as much as a glance at him, yet it’s also the kind that keeps you calm and running like the waves washing against the shore of a golden beach. 

You can’t put words to explain what love means after you met Bang Chan. It’s more than just a feeling or sensation — it’s like the warmth that flows through your insides when you sip on hot chocolate during cold winters, it’s when your whole life turns into shy smiles, delicate giggles and nervous glances exchanged towards each other. That could perhaps, only outline what you felt around him.

A small tug on your lips and flutter of your eyelashes is all it takes before Chan places his warm hand over your own, lacing fingers together as his thumb runs over the soft skin of your hand. There’s no need for words right now — just soft gazes lingering on each other and the chill air that clouds itself around you, making you yearn for the warmth that you know only Chan can provide.

You take a brief moment to let your eyes quickly run over Chan’s features — his black hair falling over his temples, his eyes peering into your own, his lips slightly parted open. He hasn’t taken the face chain off, yet. He looks like he’s taking you in too, and you want this moment to freeze right here. Because the way Chan’s looking at you right now almost sweeps you off your feet.

But of course, there’s your goofy side coming out when the feeling gets to the point where all you wanna do is just lean in and close the gap between the both of you.

“Close your mouth, mister.” You give him the most obscene-looking pout ever. “I know I’m too pretty to resist.” That (very cringy statement), paired with a wink thrown with each eye causes Chan to break eye contact from you and start laughing, hysterically.

“Y/N.” You can’t even see his eyes because of the tiny™ crescents that have taken their place. “What, in the name of lord, was that?” Chan clutches his stomach, his loud giggles very prominent in the quiet surroundings around you.

“Oh, come on, it’s the end of year. There should be harmony—” The last word is in a singsong voice, spreading your arms out to enhance the dramatic tone. “— everywhere possible. You just can’t appreciate my comedy.”

Chan only coos at you, leaning in to kiss your cheek ever-so-lightly before giving you the most beaming smile you’ve ever seen. He pinches where your cheeks feel hot. “Yes my little comedic genius, you’re adorable.”

“You love it.”

You pout at him, and Chan immediately leans in, cupping your cheeks and squishing them together before kissing the pout right off your face. He pecks lightly once, twice, thrice before pulling away, eyes glittering under the stars — you could see a whole universe in his orbs, and they seemed to be dragging you in.

You’d met — no, you’d properly seen Bang Chan for the first time when you passed by him in the MNET Countdown for their Miroh comeback. You’re forgetful enough to not remember what song you were promoting at that time, but you do remember bowing down at all the members of Stray Kids multiple times as you exited the stage. It was also the time you felt that tug on your heart’s strings, all because Chan’s lips pulled into a smile when his eyes fixated on yours. 

You’re again, forgetful enough to not remember anything about your surroundings, but you do remember staring off into his brown eyes, even if it were for a mere second — yet it felt like you were swept off your feet. You do also remember when Chan reached out for your shoulder, and you froze. You weren’t capable of words as Chan brushed off a piece of tinsel off your top; throwing you a beaming smile.

“T-thank y-you,” You remember saying, stuttering, rather. You could feel his radiance clouding your brain as you scrambled along your route, trying to calm yourself down of that unfelt rush of emotion you’d just felt. The loud applause and the bustling crowd, the members singing their parts of the song, the other groups making their exit — you couldn’t bring yourself to focus on anything except that smile. Those eyes that crinkled into the finest of crescents, that flash of his dimples that softened your heart and then that final brush of his fingers against your shoulder, enough to take your breath away.

Call you lovestruck, but Bang Chan had you in his grasp the moment he laid his eyes on you.

The second time you met Bang Chan was again, at a show, but this time. You were an MC instead of a performer. You don’t need to dwell on the lot of details again, but you can still feel that shock wave that ripped through your fingers when Chan borrowed the mic from you. Your fingers only barely touched, yet you could feel all the blood rush to your face in that very moment, biting your lip slightly as you allowed him to do the talking.

You did pray and hope that he, or anybody else for that matter, didn’t notice how red you were, because hell that was embarrassing. 

“You look at him like he’s an anime character come to life.” Ah, typical friends. Using your love for anime boys to tease the way you kept blushing every time Chan even so happened to walk past you. 

Of course, by the third week of this happening, you were almost certain you’d fallen head over heels for the man — that man who you’d never talked to before, if you didn’t count the awkward hellos and bows you’d shared. You didn’t understand why or when or how he managed to catch your attention so much — all you knew was that you were hurled headfirst into the vortex of love, and you were only plunging deeper and deeper in, with no way out.

But did you want a way out?

“I can feel you staring.”

Oh shit. You awkwardly straighten yourself before shifting your gaze two degrees to the side. Chan’s dorm (he’d made sure all the boys were out) was a less-than-ideal-location for a first date, but being an idol has its own repercussions, you like to believe. 

“Y/N!” He exclaims, giggling at you as he shakes your arm, like he’s trying to pull you out of a trance or something. It only makes you very obviously shy of the fact that he’s caught you red-handed.

“I have something for you…” He drags, his eyes looking curiously into yours, scanning for a response. Your own widen and a smile takes over your lips — you don’t care about the gift in all honesty, just the fact that he thought of getting you something for something like a first date warmed you up.

“What could that be, hm?”

“Wait here.”

He runs into his (shared) room and you hear sounds of him rummaging through something, and he returns with a small object in his hand. You try to get a glance at it but his hand is covering it up majorly, and he cheekily smiles as he sits in front of you.

“Close your eyes.” He says in that adorable, pouty voice that can have you do almost anything for him. Sure, this is your first date, but it took you two weeks after the confession to clear up your schedules and set a timing and place for you to meet up.

“Channn, just show it already!” You counter, groaning at his secretiveness.

“Nope, you’ll have to close your eyes.” 

If he wasn’t so freaking adorable, you’d have snatched that thing from his hand, owing to the amount of curiosity you had.

“Ugh, okay fine.” You squeeze your eyes shut, sighing when you feel Chan’s soft hand engulf your own before placing something cold and… is that plastic?

You open your eyes to look at the small, rectangular object in your hand.

“A cassette tape?” You raise an eyebrow — not mockingly, but rather in a questioning way. As far as you remember, cassettes weren’t something used regularly to play music. 

“Mhm, we had a lot of time before our first date, you know? So I thought I’d try to make it special.”

“Awh, how are we gonna play this?”

“Behind you.” 

You frown, turning behind you to look at the massive, ancient cassette-player sitting on a table.

“How did I just notice that now?” Chan shrugs. 

“Let’s l-listen to it then.” A small smile graces your lips.

And of course, you were crying by the end of the tape.

You do remember the contents of the tape. It had four songs — all of which were supposedly written for you — you didn’t bother to ask, but the mere thought of him going through all that to record and immortalize them into a tape had you touched.

The thought invokes a heavy feeling of nostalgia — suddenly you wanna go back in time, one year ago on your first date, just to relive the experience. Looking at Chan has always made you want to give everything you could to the man — yes, he was handsome, he was pretty, but moreover you could never, ever get over how much of a kind hearted and empathetic man he was. He’d pulled you out of your most vulnerable state and shown you how the true world was really like — filled with love, joy and exhilaration.

“Hey.” You hear the whisper and shake yourself out of your thoughts. “It’s thirty seconds to midnight. They’re gonna release the fireworks.”

A nod, and the both of you rush to move to the edge of the compound and gaze at the night sky.

“Don’t you think they’ll be looking for us below?”

“Nah, I told Hyunjin and Jisung where I’m going, they’ll take care of it.” Like usual, he intertwines your fingers together once again, looking up at the sky and then at his watch. You only giggle at his words, nodding before leaning to rest your head against his shoulder.

“Twenty seconds.”

This was it. In twenty seconds, the year would come to an end — while all the memories you’d made with Chan, and everyone for that matter, would remain, a small part of you would miss this year and all it’s days. Yet, you could be either excited for the year that was to come, or be sad that an amazing one was going to end — and you were leaning towards the former.

“You know,” You feel a sudden burst of emotion cutting through you — almost like you’re starting to tear up. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m-I’m really glad I met you.” 

The bustling of the city grows louder, and you can hear the collective chats echoing throughout the space.

Chan isn’t amused, but you can tell he’s taken aback by the sudden vocalization of your thoughts, especially when you tend to keep yourself on the more silent side.

“O-Oh…” 

You smile, still holding his hand when you turn to face him and he does the same, eyes filled with curiosity, a hint of confusion, but he nonetheless let’s you speak. 

“I don’t know, every time I look at you, I just think about — how grateful I am to have you standing next to me like this. And I might sound a little cheesy or dramatic here, but I’m really, so happy when I’m with you — you really make me smile without doing anything, you make me feel safe and it’s just… you’re so special to me.” 

Perhaps it’s just the sudden surge of emotion you feel when you look into Chan’s eyes, but you can’t seem to stop yourself from saying anything. The words just spill out and string themselves into a confession that leaves Chan breathless.

A soft sniffle leaves your lips and Chan’s eyes gloss over too, he silently brushes his thumb under your eyes to collect the tears that fall out. 

The loud sound of ringing resounds throughout, signifying that there’s only ten seconds left. The chants pour in, one by one. Ten, nine, eight, seven…

Chan really doesn’t know why he’s gotten emotional over a small confession, but to him it feels like a weight lifted off his shoulders. Not that he had any doubt in the first place, but the reassurance you give him is more satisfactory than anything he’s ever felt. While Chan knows you’re happy being with him (and vice versa), moments like these are what make your relationship lively and exciting, joyous.

Six, five, four.

“Why, you must be in love, then, Y/N.” He feels himself say. You look up to him and your eyes meet and it feels like a world’s united together. You love him, he loves you, and tonight, that is all that matters.

Three, two…

“Oh trust me.” You say, and at that moment, you hear nothing, except for the thudding of your quickened heartbeat and Chan’s voice catching in his throat. “I know.”

One.

You barely notice the luminescent firecrackers that start bursting behind and all around you high up in the sky when Chan’s gentle grip on your cheeks tightens and he pulls you in, chest crushing against yours as his lips engulf your own in one of the warmest, softest kisses you think you’ve ever received.  

Because in the end, this is where you like being the most — in his arms, feeling his presence beside you building your confidence. You think it’s destiny, it’s fate how the both of you seem to click so much and fit with each other so well — indeed, you’re in love with Bang Chan. Because with the start of the new year,  you can feel yourself forgetting about everything negative, everything except the light of your life, him. Your thoughts are fuzzy but still coherent, and you want to drown yourself in everything Chan, Chan, Chan.

When you pull away and rest foreheads against each other, finally, it all seems peaceful. There’s the distant chattering from below, but you and Chan are trapped in your own world to notice that.

“Happy New Year…” It’s a tiny whisper, yet you catch it quite easily.

“Happy New year,” you say, smiling at him lovingly before pecking his lips, leaning into his chest and humming when his hands wrap around your shoulders, engulfing you in warmth. “I love you.”

“And I love you.”

You smile to yourself. In your head, you know what you’re gonna do is half to revive past memories and half because you want to get back at Chan for almost making you cry on that first date with his dimpled smile and his thoughtful gift.

“I have something for you.” You playfully word, feeling that wave of nostalgia hit you when Chan raises an eyebrow.

“I thought we didn’t get each other gifts for new years.”

“Yeah, but this is special. Close your eyes.” Chan does as you say, though reluctantly, holding himself back from tangling his fingers with yours again. You snicker at how he bites his lips and stiffens his fingers, leaning to press a soft kiss into his palm before placing the gift.

Chan frowns and opens his eyes to peer into your own, fiddling with the cassette tape in his hand.

“A cassette tape?” he probably doesn’t remember in explicit detail, but you try not to laugh at how he mimics the exact same way you acted on the first date.

“Yeah, it’s something I made for you.”

“Oh,” He looks at you sweetly, making your heart swell as you nod in agreement. “I’ll listen to it when I get home, we have the cassette player there.”

You shake your head. “Mhm, nope! Lucky for you, I contacted the right people so you could listen to it.”

Chan raises both his eyebrows in amusement, chuckling to himself as he turns in the direction you point.

“Behind you.”

And just like the old times, that cassette  player was still there. It had taken you a whole two trips to McDonald’s to convince Minho to help you sneak it in, but if it all worked out, everything was set.

“How did I just notice that now?” Chan seems amused at the level you’ve gone to present your gift, and a tiny bit mellow at your actions.

And this time, you were the one who had him tearing up by the end of the night.

*:･ﾟ✧ find the other fics here ! ​

[softlyjins]

play in your deep

jin x fem!reader, established relationship

word count: 2.9k+

summary: you and jin have been together for a little bit, so you feel that it’s time to reveal something that had been on your mind.

warnings: reader being embarrassed, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (be safe kids), creampie, daddy kink (i’m like barely sorry), multiple orgasms, oral sex (f receiving), rough sex (kinda? idk), aftercare (it’s important), jin making a terrible joke

an: uhh i edited about half of this and this is the first fic i’ve written in a while so if it’s bad pls don’t come for me. also i’m dyslexic so if there are any spelling errors, please tell me, i’m weirdly picky about spelling and grammar for someone who often reads things wrong. let me know if you like it ☺️ enjoy?

You and Jin were in a comfortable spot in your relationship. You had known each other for a while but only started dating about three months ago. It had genuinely been the most fun three months of your life. In past relationships you always felt like you needed to make yourself perfect for them, but with Jin it was obvious that he liked you and your imperfections, even if you yourself were still in the process of accepting them. He made you laugh very easily, and he was usually laughing at his own jokes whenever he told them. You found everything about him endearing.

Discovering new kinks was always fun. Opening up to a (relatively) new partner about them, isn’t as awesome when you’ve just barely discovered said kink.

On a very relaxed day, when you and Jin were just hanging around your apartment in your sweats (his sweatshirt, you were already beginning to take his clothes), you decided then was the best time to tell Jin how you were feeling. “I think I have something to tell you,” you said, turning to Jin and biting your lower lip.

“You think you have something to tell me?” Jin queried, tilting his head at you.

You took a deep breath, you already decided that this was the day that you were finally going to tell Jin what you wanted, but you weren’t sure how to phrase it.

“I mean yeah, it just- Ugh! It’s just so hard to put into words.” You picked at one of your nails, looking down at your hands as they weren’t the person you were trying to reveal something very personal to.

“Is everything okay? Are you like on the run from the mafia or something?” Jin sat up straighter, seeming to think that you being on the run from the mob was something that he should be legitimately worried about.

“Oh my god no,” you groaned, throwing your head back and letting out a deep sigh. “It’s just... I don’t know, I’m nervous?” You went back to staring at your hand.

“Come on,” Jin rolled his eyes. “We’ve been dating for four months, what could I possibly not know about you that makes you this nervous?” He cocked his head and put his hand on your arm in an almost teasing way.

You looked at his hand on your arm before looking up at him and raising a brow. “We’ve been dating for three months, what are you talking about?”

“I take that first month we knew each other as when we started dating because we were obviously into each other even from the beginning,” Jin gave you a small smirk, the same one that made you weak all those months ago.

“Oh my god, we st- Wait that isn’t even what we’re talking about!” You groaned and smacked his hand away from your arm.

“Come on,” Jin put his hand on your knee, deciding there was a smaller chance of you moving his hand away from this position. “I’ll give you a kiss if you tell me what it is!” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

You groaned and put your hands in front of your face. “It’s just embarrassing!” You muffled through your palms.

Jin reached up to pull your hands down, giving you a genuine smile. “Come on _____,” he pleaded. “If it makes you feel any better, I peed my pants when I was younger.”

You threw your hands down on your lap. “That doesn’t even count! Everyone peed their pants in when they were young!” You gaped at him, somewhat affronted that he would consider that to be embarrassing, when he hadn’t even heard what you were so close to revealing to him. Being embarrassed and mildly turned on was a very strange combination that you weren’t becoming a fan of. Jin in sweatpants was your weakness.

Your boyfriend sighed and took one of your hands, noticing how conflicted you were on the matter. “If you don’t feel comfortable telling me, then that’s fine. I don’t want to pressure you—“

“I’m want you to cum inside me!” You blurted out, squeezing your eyes shut as tightly as possible.

There was a beat of silence. You peeked one of your eyes open to try and gauge Jin’s reaction.

“Shit, fuck— I’m sorry.” You stood up off of the sofa to try and went to walk towards the door, completely forgetting that you were at your apartment, but before you could even leave the room, Jin was grabbing hold of your wrist.

“Is that it?” he asked in a slightly playful tone. You couldn’t help but stare down at your feet, feeling entirely too vulnerable for your liking. “Tell me what you want,” he said in a soft but stern tone, lifting up your chin with the hand that had been grasping your wrist.

You swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to muster up enough courage to actually say it. You felt yourself trembling at his words. It’s all you’ve wanted ever since you figured out you were into it. You put your hands into fists, trying to catch your breath. “I want you to come inside me. I hate condoms and I’m on the pill and like we’re exclusive so, like, we don’t have diseases or whatever to worry about and-” you stopped for a moment to shut your eyes and take another breath. “I want to know what it feels like to have you dripping out of me,” you whisper, opening your eyes only to stare at his shoulder.

Before you could say anything else or give him the option to just walk out, Jin’s lips were on yours and he was leading you towards your bedroom. It took you a moment to register that he definitely seemed to be okay with your proposal. “Have I ever told you that you’re perfect?” He asked as the backs of your legs touched the mattress, cocking a brow and smirking at you.

“Probably,” you shrug, wrapping your arms around his neck, leaning back onto the bed and taking him down with you. You wasted no time taking off your clothes. You had never been more grateful for sweatpants. Once your shirt was off, Jin quickly took one of your nipples into his mouth and sighed onto it.

Jin moved his head back up to your lips to leave you a soft kiss before whispering into your ear, “Jesus Christ, I wish you would have told me sooner because I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard before in my life.” He quickly moved back towards your mouth and began kissing you passionately, grabbing your ass and grinding his hard, boxer-brief covered length into your already wet panties. “Fuck, you’re so wet already,” he said quietly, moving his hand down to tease you over your panties. “Are you sure you need me to fill you up? You seem to be doing just fine by yourself,” he teased, smirking at your flushed expression.

“No, please,” you begged, grabbing onto his broad shoulders. “Please, I need your cum inside me so bad I think I might explode, shit-“ He moved his hands to remove your underwear quickly and moved down to begin lightly licking on your clit.

“Damn, I can’t wait to see how you taste with both of our cum mixed together,” he said, leaving a soft kiss to your clit before moving himself back up to kiss your mouth. You loved how Jin’s kisses tasted with even a small amount of your wetness on them. “I feel like it would make you taste even better, but I don’t know how that’s even possible.”

You whimpered and bucked your hips up towards him. “Please, please, please, oh my god, I need you inside me right now.” Feeling a little bold and extremely needy, you reached a hand down and began palming him through his boxer briefs that were still on for some reason.

“Well aren’t you desperate for my cock?” Jin smirked at you before biting his lip, trying to hide the fact that he was just as needy for you. “Are you sure you’re ready for me? I haven’t even warmed you up yet.” He tried keeping his composure, but as your hand kept moving up and down his shaft, his facade was breaking easily.

“Oh my god, please, I swear I’m ready for you.” You rubbed your thighs together to get some sort of friction to your aching pussy, but you were so wet that they just slipped right past each other. “I’m so fucking wet, please just fuck me, daddy.” You had never referred to Jin as “daddy” before that moment. You’d definitely thought it before, but always felt too nervous to bring it up. You hated having an extremely cliche kink.

Jin, however, was pretty sure he would lose his goddamn mind if you called him that again. Jin immediately moved his underwear down enough for his cock to spring out and slammed himself into you. It was a little much at first, but he stayed still long enough for the both of you to get used to the feeling of just how tight you were at that moment. “You good, baby?” he asked you, moving a piece of hair that had fallen in front of your face so he could memorize your expression in that exact moment. Eyes tightly closed, lips swollen and slightly open, cheeks extremely flushed, and a small bit of sweat, just enough to make you glow.

You pursed your lips together before taking a deep breath. “Yeah, just give me a second.” After taking another deep breath, you opened your eyes to see Jin looking at you with endearment and a smidge of concern. You used one hand to gently move his lips down to meet yours, while keeping your other hand on his ribcage. “Thank you,” you whispered, taking a moment to look into his eyes. “Since I wasn’t prepped for you, you feel even bigger than usual.”

Jin groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, please. Can I move? Are you ready?” His eyes were so eager and you were about to burst as well.

“Yes, daddy.” You smirked at him for a half of a second before he began slamming into you. The mix of the sound of his groans, his skin slapping against yours, and the squelching of your pussy around his dick was making your head spin. You moved to wrap your arms around his shoulders and your legs around his waist, trying to keep yourself as close to him as possible. He lowered to his forearms as to begin suckling on your neck. “Oh god, don’t stop, please don’t stop,” you whined into his ear.

You felt the twinge of a smirk on your neck. “Don’t stop, who?” he teased.

It took you a moment to figure out what he was asking. “Please, daddy, don’t stop, your cock feels so good.” You moved your arms again, digging your nails into his shoulders, feeling like you were only hanging on by a string. With every stroke of his length against your walls, you were losing more and more control. “Oh my god, I think I’m gonna cum. I don’t think I’ve ever cum this fast,” you said quietly but loud enough for Jin to hear and grow his ego about six times the size it already was.

Jin moved one hand down to lazily circle your clit. “Yeah? You gonna cum for me, baby? So soon?” Even through your eyes were shut, you could hear the smirk in his voice but couldn’t bring yourself to care that he was teasing you.

“Yes, fuck- yes I’m gonna cum, please, please, touch my clit. I can’t take it, fuck-“ you gasped when he moved his thumb so he was directly on top of your needy clit. “Fuck, oh my god, please, daddy,” you groaned, tangling your fingers into his hair, not knowing what else to grab onto.

Jin leaned down to messily kiss you. “Please what?”

This was the hottest and most frustrating thing you had ever experienced. “Please, I wanna cum, oh my god I’m so close, please,” you whined, feeling the prickling of tears at your eyes.

“Call me ‘daddy’ one more time and I’ll let you cum, princess,” Jin muttered lowly into your mouth before covering his mouth on top of it, slowing his ministrations on your sensitive bud.

Your pussy clenched at his request and the pet name that he had never used with you before. You could feel Jin’s motions stutter a bit at your clench. “Please let me come, daddy,” you breathed out.

Jin started pounding harder into you and moved his thumb faster across your clit. Soon after, you felt the overwhelming feeling of pleasure rip through you. Everything was heightened with you clenching around Jin’s cock as he kept working on your clit. Jin slowed his thrusts for a moment, realizing you needed a moment to come down. “You good, baby?” He put one hand to your cheek, your hand automatically meeting his as you tried to catch your breath.

“Are you kidding? That was amazing, I don’t think I’ve ever cum that hard in my life,” you said through your pants, opening your eyes to see Jin looking down at you.

“Well, we aren’t done yet, princess,” Jin pecked your lips quickly. “Get on all fours, I wanna see my cum dripping out of you when I fill you up.”

You immediately followed his orders, feeling a bit of your own cum dripping out of you while trying to hold back a whimper. The second you got on your hands and knees, you felt Jin move down to lap up your juices. You were still so sensitive that his tongue made your arms give out, your chest falling to the bed. Jin kept devouring your pussy, occasionally lightening his touch, only to get his tongue even deeper right after. He moved one hand up to lightly touch your clit, causing your legs to spread even wider. You were practically sitting on his face at this point. “Baby, I’m gonna cum again, fuck,” you squealed, hands bunching up the bedsheets.

Suddenly, all of Jin’s movements stopped and he moved out from underneath you, bringing his mouth to your ear, leaving a quick bite before saying “I’m gonna make you cum again, but it’s gonna be around my cock as I fill you up with my cum.” You couldn’t help but whimper at that, all of your noises growing louder as you felt Jin move to line his cock up with your wetness.

His movements started off slow and gradually got faster. He was able to get much deeper into you in this position and it was weakening the both of you. His grip around your hips tightened as he began moving faster and faster inside of you. You felt your resolve disintegrating quickly. The thought of even the possibility of Jin’s cum inside of you brought you closer to the edge. “Daddy, I’m close, fuck-“ you gasped when he brought a hand down to pinch one of your nipples.

“Me too, princess,” he said lowly, his thrusts becoming quicker and deeper. “Come all over me so I can fill you up.”

His words mixed with his motions and his fingers’ vice grip on your nipple sent you catapulting over the edge. You think you might have screamed, but you couldn’t be sure. It wasn’t until you felt Jin’s cum fill you up that your second wave hit you. Your hands grabbed at the sheets, trying to find any kind of purchase to keep you steady. Jin kept thrusting into you slowly, working the both of you through your respective orgasms.

Before you could drop to the bed, Jin pulled out of you and began to taste how your juices mixed together inside of you. It felt better than you had dreamed, the feeling of him dripping out of you. The oversensitivity made you buck your hips and whimper. “Daddy, please, it’s too much.”

Jin gently flipped you onto your back and took one last moment to use two fingers to catch as much of your cum as he could. “Open,” he looked directly into your eyes as he brought his fingers towards your mouth. You quickly opened your lips for him as he dragged them across your tongue. You closed your lips around his digits, wanting to savor every drop. “Jesus Christ, you’re amazing,” he kissed you slowly, mingling his tongue with yours to taste your juices again.

He suddenly broke the kiss and got up from the bed. He smiled at your frown and hand grabbing his shoulder to keep him next to you. “Baby, give me just a second, I’m just gonna grab a towel,” he laughed softly, placing a quick peck to your lips before getting off of the bed. He quickly came back with a slightly damp towel, making sure to not use too much pressure when cleaning you up. After cleaning himself off, he threw the towel into the hamper and got into bed with you, wrapping his arms around you and placing a soft kiss to the top of your head. “That was-“

“Yeah,” you interrupted him, not knowing of any words that could accurately describe what had just occurred. You used all of your strength to roll over so you could rest your head on his chest, wrapping an arm around his torso.

“I only have one thing to say,” Jin said, looking down at you. He sighed, “That’s a wet ass pussy.”

You pursed your lips together, not giving him the satisfaction of your laughter, figuring his own was plenty. “I’m gonna fucking kill you.”

[just-the-hiddles]

Writer’s Spotlight | Angrythingstarlight

Happy Writer’s Wednesday!  I am here to spotlight another amazing fandom fanfic writer!  This week is my friend @angrythingstarlight​  Super talented and amazing. Let’s go!

The Basics

Any other names you want people to call you?

Starlight (its better than the random name I let tumblr pick for me)

How long have you been writing fic?

About 8 months now, I wrote a lot of poetry before this.

What fandoms and/ships do you write?

RPF (Henry Cavill and Chris Evans), MCU (Steve, Bucky and Stucky only), Andy Barber, Sherlock, Clark Kent and August Walker

How did you get started writing fic?

I joined Tumbler in April 2020 to read more fics, I stumbled across this site by accident. I only planned on reading/lurking but I had an idea for a story that was purely self indulgent,  I took the leap and wrote it. One story turned into two and snowballed from there.

Story Recommendations

Which of your stories are your favorite?

Ride me Sweetheart, Get Comfy, Nimble Fingers, You're My Heaven, Love Down Soft and Sweet, Pull It Harder and Golden Boy

Which story are you most proud of?

Golden Boy Its a dark Steve story that took on a life of its own.

Which of your stories do you think is the most underrated?

I'm honestly surprised anyone reads my stuff so I don't think anything is underrated.

Someone is new to reading your stories, which story/stories should they read first? 

I would start with my newer fics and go from there. My Jan mini list has stories that I enjoy and my newer Bucky stories are some of my favorites. 

Which Story did you do the most research for?

Light of My Life which is a dark Bucky story based on The Shining.

Which Story was the easiest to write? 

Get Comfy and Nimble Fingers equally. I wrote those so fast, everything flowed out perfectly.

The Writing Process

What is your favorite part of writing?

When an idea comes to me and I can simply write, I try to plan stuff but I write better when inspired.

What is your least favorite part?

Editing and discovering multiple errors after people have already read the story.

Describe your style in 1 to 2 sentences.

Its chaotic. I don't think I can say I have a specific style.

Who are some of your writing idols and/or influences?

@sapphirescrolls​, @jtargaryen18​, @littlefreya​, @imanuglywombat​

What programs do you use to write and/or edit?

Prowritingaid

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Pantser

Do you write RPF or not?

Yes.

Who is your favorite character to write and why?

Bucky Barnes because there are so many paths you can take his character. He has so many layers and he can be the Winter Soldier, Beefy!Bucky etc. I love the character, I love what I can do with him. Most of fics centered around him are self indulgent.  A close second is Andy Barber because he is my dream husband.

What do you think are your writing strengths?

I have been told that my dialogue is good. I like creating tension and being descriptive, I hope that with my more serious fics that people are able to see what I'm describing.

What do you struggle with?

Dirty talk and ending a story.

Favorite Trope?

There was only one bed combined with huddling for warmth.

Favorite word to use?

Salacious ( I dont use it enough)

What is the best piece of writing advice you have heard?

I was told the following: write for yourself and not everything you're going to write is going to be good. And that's okay because either you like what you did and/or you learn how to improve.

What would you say to a new fanfic writer starting out?

Don't let the number of notes influence your work, write for yourself.  Have fun and the second this becomes a chore, or you feel like you have to write, take a break . Rediscover your love of fanfiction by reading, re watch that movie or show. Don't feel like you have to put something out for the sake of it. 

 Reach out to other writers, we all love talking to each other and will gladly welcome you to the fandom.  

What is a random bit of research you have not managed to work into a fic yet?

The most popular ice cream flavors in the 1940s.

What is your favorite random detail from one of your stories?

Bucky loves to collect things and will take you for a ride anywhere you want to go.

Any goals or WIPs you want to share?

I have a mafia series that I hope to have started by the time this is published. I will be putting out a Feb Mini Masterlist with new writing goals. So far, I managed to meet a lot of my Jan. ones.

This or That

Fluff or Angst

Neither Smut or Fluff

Reader Insert or OC

One Shot or Series

Canon Divergent or AU

Pepsi or Coke (Cherry Pepsi)

Coffee or Tea

Sweet AND Savory

Anything else you want to say or share?

Thank you to everyone who has read my stories. That means more to me than you know. Thank you to everyone who has followed me and I'm sorry for the mass posts that bombard you everyday. This community has gotten me through some rough times and I appreciate every single one of you.

Until next time, toodles!

[washymylifeaway]

SakuAtsu Fanfic recs

Edit: minor changes (grammar and stuff) cause I rushed this :’)

EDIT: PT 2 IS OUT

OKAY so I meant to make like a long list of MULTIPLE VARIOUS ASSORTED ships but as I was making it I realized I had WAY too many SakuAtsu fics. Like TOO MANY AHHHH. Anyway, I decided that for the sake of everyone, I should just make a separate post LOL oops I’m sorry but I’m so far into SakuAtsu hell it’s not even funny :))))))))) I tried to keep things short so I could not BORE you while reading this post LOL, but also THERE WILL BE A PT 2 because I cut myself short in order to get this out for.....

THE BEST BOY SAKUSA KIYOOMI’S BIRTHDAY I LOVE HIM AND EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD TOO :DDDDDDDDD

As per usual, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for each fic before reading and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3

Some of my FAVORITE writers CHECK TAGS AND WARNINGS PLS-

astroeulogy // I LOVE their works and they write BEAUTIFULLY AHHHHH!!! My fav? Possibly Dance of the Parallax by astroeulogy (T) 6.7k, but all of them are SO good! (My love for mythology really be showing here hehe.)

DeathBelle // this writer is on SO many of my posts cause I ADORE the way they write and characterize!!! My fav? Burden of Blame by DeathBelle (E) 91.2k but you already knew that LOL. I love the other ones too, but mafia? UGH.

hatsuna // ahjfsdjfhkasj need I say more? There isn’t a lot BUT the ones there are so so good! My fav? Pas De Deux by hatsuna (T) 19k surprise :D I love this one for their interactions but also Omi’s childhood! It’s really good (and you don’t even need to understand ballet) <33333

bastigod // again another writer you will be seeing in other posts because their writing gives me LIFE AHHH. My fav? my love, take your time by bastigod (T) 9k again you already knew this, but I LOVE THIS ONE ahagdhls. I have reread this one so many times oops hehe :)

volchitsae // I LOVE THIS WRITER, like some of my favorite SakuAtsu fics are from this writer, like favorites of ALL TIME. Please go read their stuff because I love it so much. My fav? take me to the limit, hold me down there by volchitsae (E) 3.8k this was the fic that got me into their writing, and oops I’ve fallen and I can’t get up haha leave me....

awkwardedgeworth // THE FICS THIS WRITER MAKES AJKASDLK. I love them and everything they make omg!!! My fav? This was SO hard but Notte Stellata by awkwardedgeworth (T) 20.8k cause I’m basic LOL but your flame will not survive in this cold tundra was a close second :’)

TBH, there are more that I don’t have time to get to (I started this a while back but then pretended like it didn’t exist for a while LOL) but these were the ones here hehe :) I could honestly make an ENTIRE fic rec list from these writers alone and it would be WAY too long, so for the sake of everyone,,, MOVING ON

Fics (in no order, but also I’m missing a bunch I LOVE but like I said TIME CONSTRAINTS AHHAHAH RIP)-

the inherent romance of classical conditioning (or, the fine art of emotional recognition) by pseudoanalytics (E) 13.7k // this fic made me laugh so much, starting from the fact that there needed to be clarification (which was, after finishing, understood LOL) that this was indeed NOT a fic with a foot fetish.

Routines (and How to Break Them) by cajynn (T) 1.6k // this fic makes them SO CUTE ugh the fluff ajsjkfhajh. I love how Atsumu just slips into everything Omi does (like a snake) ITS SO ADORABLE AHHH.

sense of purpose (or, what comes next) by pseudoanalytics (T) 3.6k // this fic was so HEARTWARMING!!! It made me kinda sad though cause I’m just that kinda person (and I don’t like to think about the past LOLOLOLOL), but the ending was !!! SO !!! CUTE !!! and I love the ending notes (me too Osamu, me too)!

crushed by citruslemonade (strawberrycitrus) (E) 4.2k // I feel like it’s a crime if I don’t mention this fic LOL and it’s very quick and funny! We all want to be the watermelons in this fic and no I don’t take criticism. No thoughts just Miya Atsumu’s thighs :’)))

Clipped To You by littleboat (T) 8.1k // (cp) okay first of all THERE’S ART, second I love Omi in hair clips <3333 It’s really funny with lots of ~pining~ Atsumu and there’s cameo’s of other players,,, it’s just a great time :D

bet on it by selenophim (T) 13.3k // this is a ~classic~ literally I keep seeing this fic because I like to stalk the relationship tags (LOL) and since it’s so good, I keep seeing it (also LOL). This may be SakuAtsu, but this is Osamu supremacy, again I don’t take criticism LOL.

Just as much by Sapphirine (NR) 16.1k // this is peak gay panic as demonstrated by one Miya Atsumu hehe. This fic is so FLUFF but also PINE! I’ll just be sitting here with my 851 million microorganisms to keep me company cause I’M SINGLE LOL.

every action has an equal and opposite reaction by akanemnida (T) 10.4k // nothing to see here, just Sakusa saying things that make Atsumu’s heart stop ;) I love ~caring~ Sakusa so if you do too, read! But also hello? Perfume drop please,,,,

see this through by basilleia (T) 17.7k // I am shamelessly a HARDCORE Atsumu wears glasses fan, once again, I take absolutely no criticism! Again some ~caring~ Sakusa heheh but also love the twin dynamic in this one!

dogshit (first comes the fall) by kitcassiachan (E) 15.8k // PLEASE CHECK WARNINGS! ngl this was one of the first fics I read for this ship and GOD did it get me hooked onto bottom Sakusa agenda (it really hit different). Of course, I’m not promoting the way this relationship happened (don’t have hate s*x), BUT I have nothing to say other than I had no regrets. RIP (not actually but you’ll get what I mean LOL) Bokuto and Ushiwaka for that matter.

let's get physical by rosegoldwriting (T) 4.3k // I really like medical stuff (you’ll see later LOL) BUT even if you don’t still read it cause IT’S FUNNY OKAY. We gotta love boys day and STD’s~~ (also don’t be stupid like him and get hurt to see hot doctors :))))

all i do is crave by newamsterdam (E) 12.7k // were we waiting for me to bring a 5 + 1 to the table? If so, here it is! We do love the olympics and oblivious Astumu~~

lay it on me (no, really) by ayushi_writes (T) 4.2k // please the way I was hesitant to read it at first but then the ‘being very fond and caring in a homie way haha’ made me read it LOL. The fluff (and Astumu being caring because that is another one of my favorite things to read hehe) in this is almost worth the awkwardness that made me want to go put my head into a hole like an ostrich LOLOLOLOL.

ink blossoms by entrechat (T) 8.1k // I think this fic IS SO CUTE OMG. I love the way Omi sits in the shop to draw was ADORABLE and making them do that to get tattoos? Smart af (and v respectful we stan). Also, I love flower meanings :D

crimson colored lotus by sieges (M) 16.5k // (cp) this was a demon slayer AU LOL. TBH I haven’t watched DS, but you honestly don’t really need to in order to read this LOL. It’s explained really well and the writing is AMAZING! It’s not a linear fic, but you can read it in order if you so choose.

where i want to be by tookumade (G) 8.8k // THIS ONE ahhhhhh so cute I love it. Omi trying SO hard in this relationship and Atsumu being so understanding. I love it here :’)))))

three roses and a smile by strawberrycitrus (T) 19.7k // I LOVE THIS ONE not only cause I love professor AUs (I do, I LOVE THOSE) but also it’s just some great writing :D I really love their interactions and the misunderstanding killed me ahhhhh.

If you were wondering, I already have 50+ fics (yes I counted but no I’m not done looking so there will probably have to be some cuts D:) lined up for pt2 AND I took out series in another post, so yeah this is why it’s a cursed draft hahahaa..... I hope you enjoyed cause SakuAtsu is my life and blood.