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andrewmoocow · 1 year

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Little Homeworld Life chapter 26: Hostile Takeover (originally posted on June 19, 2023)

AN: It has all come to this. The end begins here. The final episode of Little Homeworld Life is here at last, and after that will be Steven Universe: Snake Eyes. It has been an honor delivering such consistent quality writing to this fandom, and I'll be damned if I don't enjoy doing it again one last time before I finally decide to move onto other stories I've left to dry for too long.

Synopsis: Connie returns home from college just as Black Rutile takes over Little Homeworld and holds the Crystal Gems captive. With their alien friends in danger, the people of Beach City decide to repay the Crystal Gems by joining together to save them from Black Rutile.

Cast:

Grace Rolek as Connie

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper, Skinny Jasper, Carnelian, Superfan Rose, Hippie Rose, Shy Rose, Cherry Quartz, Biggs Jasper

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon

Martha Higerada as Topaz

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball, Doc, Navy, Leggy, Army

Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate

Casey Lee Williams as Cat's Eye

Hayley Kiyoko as Morganite

Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald, Chest Emerald

Melissa Fahn as Demantoid, Eyeball Demantoid

Kari Wahlgren as Pyrope

Jon Wurster as Marty

Shanelle Grey as Sally Grove

Larissa Gallagher as Bluebird Azurite

May Calamawy as Chrome Chalcedony

Susanne Blakeslee as Pietersite

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst, Famethyst, Tiger's Eye

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl, Yellow Pearl, Blue Pearl, Volleyball, Black Pearl Brigade

Shelby Rabara as Peridot, Squaridot

Jennifer Paz as Lapis, Laz, Zuli, Phoenix Lapis

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Dee Bradley Baker as Lion, Concretes

Tom Scharpling as Greg

Matthew Moy as Lars, Dante

Kate Micucci as Sadie

Indya Moore as Shep

Enuka Okuma as Rhodonite

Kathleen Fisher as Fluorite

Ashly Burch as Rutile Twins

Erica Luttrell as Padparadscha Sapphire

Mary Elizabeth McGlynn as Priyanka

Crispin Freeman as Doug

Andrew Kishino as Kevin

Reagan Gomez Preston as Jenny, Kiki

Godfrey as Kofi

Zach Steel as Ronaldo

Brian Posehn as Sour Cream

Lamar Abrams as Buck Dewey

Colton Dunn as Mr. Smiley

Toks Olagundoye as Mayor Nanafua

Joel Hodgson as Bill Dewey

Eugene Cordero as Jamie

Atticus Shaffer as Peedee

Billy Merritt as Mr. Fryman

Kristin Chenoweth as Sheena Synstylae

Nancy Linari as Martha

Brian George as Mr. Frowney

Jackie Buscarino as Vidalia

Aparna Nancherla as Nephrite, Lemon Jade

Ian Jones Quartey as Snowflake Obsidian, Bixbite

Michelle Maryk as Larimar

Auli'i Cravalho as Orange Spodumene

Kimiko Glenn as Blue Chalcedony

Tara Platt as Heaven Cubic Zirconia, Earth Cubic Zirconia

Tara Strong as Grossular Diopside

Phillipa Soo as Chrysocolla

Anika Noni Rose as Watermelon Tourmaline (fusion), Watermelon Tourmaline

Aimee Carrero as Moonstone

Gal Gadot as Desert Glass

Willa Holland as Albite

Maddie Ziegler as Serpentine

Courtenay Taylor as Beryl

Sarah Jessica Parker as Dumortierite

Cavetown as Diaspore

Emily King as Kunzite

Alex Newell as Monazite

Alyson Hannigan as Lavenderine

Avi Roque as Cinnabar

Gina Torres as Andesine

Awkwafina as Kyanite

Allison Janney as Pyrite

Zehra Fazal as Zoisite

Lena Hall as Bloodstone

Jodie Whittaker as Xenotime

Idina Menzel as Amazonite

Halsey as Tanzanite

Mia Barron as Apatite

Sarah Stiles as Spinel

Christine Baranski as Hessonite

Olivia Olson as Citrine, Citrine Twins

Lin-Manuel Miranda as President Eduardo Suarez

Wendie Malick as Vice President Theresa Maxwell

GZA as Major General Wade Grant

Tim Curry as General Lloyd Waller

John Kassir as Reginald Johnson

Stephanie Beatriz as Arleen Suarez

Xolo Mariduena as Huey Suarez

Leslie Grace as Riley Suarez

Pierce Brosnan as Bane Jones

Hugh Jackman as Beckham Jordan

James Monroe Iglehart as Coach Matt Monroe

Karen Fukuhara as Makoto Fuji

Matthew Rhys as Dr. James Brenner

T-Pain as Sam Galley

Christoph Waltz as Francis von Bowling

Rob Paulsen as Mr. Shreds

David Kaye as Collar

Roger Craig Smith as Tank

Alex Hirsch as Lawrence Abrams

Zach Callison as Steven, Onion, Cactus Stevens, Topiary Stevens

Featuring Christopher McDonald as Carl Grove

And Betsy Sodaro as Maureen Grove

"It just feels so good to be bad." Black Rutile gloated to the Crystal Gems as she held them prisoner in a makeshift prison. Today had quite possibly been the best day she has ever had on Earth. Black Rutile had now converted multiple Gems to her coalition of rebels, whether by force or through coercion, her enemies were now hers to torment, and their precious Little Homeworld into her newest evil lair. "I haven't felt this utterly delighted to be victorious since the siege of Tweenis 12, I feel like singing! Maestro?"

Amazonite turned on a music player at her master's command, causing Black Rutile to sing a reprise of a familiar song. "Wither the rose! Growing shadows! Sow a world of chaos! Wither the rose! Only highs, no lows! In a world of chaos!"

"Is this really the time to be singing?" Pearl muttered as she tried to break free from her chains.

"Ha!" Black Rutile laughed in response before looking out at her various enforcers. "Come on minions, hurry along! Soon, Beach City will be gone! I could squeeze myself with glee, first the Diamonds and then this galaxy! I really stopped at nothing, gaslighting, terrorism, and lying!" she declared. "Whatever it takes to get revenge, you really can't blame me for trying."

Little Homeworld soon began hovering over Beach City, casting a dark shadow over a large portion of the town while the townies had no idea what was going on. Suddenly, the water holding the Gem village in the air began firing at the humans, making them scurry in fear as Black Rutile finished her song. "Wither the rose! Growing shadows! Sow a world of chaos! Wither the rose! Don't you doze!"

"This planet is basically ours!" Aquamarine sang along.

"We have control over its superpowers!" Eyeball added triumphantly.

"You are helpless to resist!" Holly Blue proclaimed.

"There's no way for you to persist!" Cat's Eye declared.

"Saying sorry just won't cut it!" Cinnabar boomed.

"This universe will be ours, bit by bit!" Andesine stated.

"You thought you could contain us," Black Rutile sang out in victory. "but you can no longer discuss!"

"Genocide, slaughtering, jingoism, in enemy blood, we shall wade!" the seven Gems joined together in harmony. "Rutile Rebels come celebrate, as we make these foolish Crystal Gems fade!" By the time the song ended, Black Rutile looked out at the destruction below her and began making a speech. "People of Beach City, do not look away!" she bellowed to the humans below. "You witness a Rutile's revival, and the birth of her new empire!"

"What do you want now, Black Rutile?!" Lars yelled from below.

"What I want is recognition!" Black Rutile responded. "As you can see, I have officially conquered Little Homeworld and taken the Crystal Gems as my prisoners. The means as to how it can fly can all be blamed on their dear friend, Lapis Lazuli." She looked over at Lapis, who was sitting on the Warp Pad with a blank look on her face. "Despite what the Crystal Gems believed, Little Homeworld was the aspiration of idiots and dreamers! A mere tool to indoctrinate poor, unfortunate Gems who were living lives free of their tyranny. But unfortunately for them, I am far smarter than the average Gem, so I continued planning my revenge for months on end, which leads me today." She then sent out her drones, ready to attack at any moment. "Either surrender to me at once or else your pathetic little town will go bye-bye! Bye-bye."

Down below, Jasper and White Topaz were watching the carnage the entire time, lying in wait for an opportunity to strike back at Black Rutile and save their friends. "So, any idea on how to stop her?" Jasper asked her girlfriend. "I mean, it's just a bunch of us Gems that she could convert at any moment with those Blasters."

"Well, one thing's for certain, Black Rutile has gone too far this time." White Topaz declared. "We kept giving her second chance after second chance, but she always used them to try and destroy us! I've had enough of this! Once we defeat her, she's going straight to Revanche 666 where she belongs!"

"Someone's got leftover issues they need resolving." Teal Zircon added as she popped up behind the two big Gems. "Okay, Topaz and I have spent the last few minutes coming up with a plan."

"If it involves doing something astronomically stupid, then I don't want in." Jasper stopped Teal before she could finish. "What makes you think you could come up with an intelligent plan?"

"Because outside of being the obnoxious but lovable comic relief, I am actually far more observant than you think I am." TZ declared. "Which is why I am 10,000,000,000% certain that my plan will work."

"I'd like to see you try." Jasper scoffed before White Topaz placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Come on honey, just hear her out." White Topaz suggested. Jasper knew she couldn't disappoint her lover, so she relented with a sigh.

"Okay, proceed." Jasper groaned and let Teal explain.

"I say instead of just saving the day ourselves, we team up with the humans to save the world from Black Rutile!" Teal declared proudly. "The people of Beach City have been around us long enough to know what to do in situations like this, and we've gained a few allies over the years to back us up."

"I get what you're saying now." Jasper nodded proudly. "Like him for example!" As if on cue, Dr. James Brenner walked up to the three Gems. "I found him falling to his doom when Black Rutile threw him out. He's her psychologist, ergo, he should know exactly what she's thinking!"

"You are indeed correct, Jasper." Brenner declared. "I have been forced to watch as Black Rutile's schemes took shape, hoping that maybe my advice would get through to her, but alas, my words fell on deaf ears. Perhaps joining forces with all of you can help me redeem myself for being so powerless to help her."

"Great, we have our first recruit!" Teal Zircon cheered while giving the psychologist a hearty slap on the back. "Okay guys, I'll go gather the troops! You two on the other hand will have to find a very special someone."

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Jasper then asked White Topaz.

"I think so Jasp, but Pete Rose?" White Topaz replied oddly, making Jasper raise an eyebrow at such a non-sequitur. "I mean, can we trust him?"

"No, I think Teal means we should fetch Connie!" Jasper yelled. "You and I both know she's been throwing a wrench in Black Rutile's plans multiple times! Her first invasion of Earth, the Steven monster crisis, and the alternate universe business, all of them had Connie involved and she played some role in stopping them all! You see what I'm getting at here?"

"Yeah, I get it now!" White Topaz exclaimed. "To Connie's house!" Just as the two raced off, a small black spy drone was watching the pair and quickly began following them.

"Breaking news all the way from Beach City!" Lawrence Abrams announced on the news. "The alien terrorist Black Rutile is once again laying waste to Beach City, and at the same time, our beloved president has been subject to a violent uprising against legions of angry Arnold Clump supporters led by the alt-right Internet personality Reginald Johnson. Are these two events connected? We'll be back after the break with more updates."

"Sweet Manila in the claws of light." Doug Maheswaran gasped in shock as he and Connie watched Black Rutile's invasion on the news. "This is probably something Steven should take care of, right?"

"Hopefully he at least knows what's going on," Connie added as she prepared to reach for her phone, only to hear a knock on the door. "Can someone get that?"

"Don't worry Connie, I'll get it," Priyanka said to her daughter as she opened the door to find Jasper and White Topaz waiting for her outside. "Oh, you must be that Jasper and Topaz who tore apart Beach City."

"You are never going to let go of that." Jasper declared. "Anyways, we need to see your daughter. The world is in danger and we need everyone we can get to save it."

"Right here!" Connie exclaimed while she raced up to the front door with her sword at the ready. "Come on guys, the Crystal Gems need us!"

"Yeah, about that." White Topaz stated nervously. "They kind of broke up because Black Rutile exposed Bismuth for poofing Lapis and is now holding them all hostage at Little Homeworld. Plus, Lapis officially betrayed them to Black Rutile and is helping make Little Homeworld fly. You know what, I think I know of a way to explain this better."

White Topaz then turned her fingers into puppet versions of the Crystal Gems to further go in depth about their situation. "Hey, what's this I hear about Bismuth poofing me and setting me on this path of torment and betrayal?!" her imitation of Lapis complained. "Oh no, the jig is up!" an imitation of Bismuth exclaimed. "Okay, I did poof you, Lapis, but I didn't mean to!"

"Saying you didn't mean it won't save you from me!" the shadow puppet of Lapis yelled before lunging at Bismuth, only for Garnet and Pearl to stop her.

"Top thirty reasons why Bismuth is sorry." The puppet version of Pearl stated. "Number 5 will surprise you."

"Top thirty anime deaths," puppet Lapis continued. "number one: YOUR BUTT RIGHT NOW!"

"I'm just here to be supportive!" a shadow puppet of Amethyst said as she took Lapis and Peridot's side in the tussle, ending with White Topaz making "whoop whoop whoop" sounds as she started twiddling her fingers into a big clump. "And scene!"

"Okay, I'm going to need a refresher here." Priyanka said, shocked at the bizarreness of White Topaz's show. "What does this all mean?"

"Look, the point is that Teal Zircon and all the Gems Black Rutile didn't convert are gathering everyone in Beach City to fight back against Black Rutile, and we believe Connie is the best possible candidate to lead them all." Jasper explained in brief. "If anyone else wishes to join, you're free to come along."

"But what about Steven?" Connie asked. "Surely he'd know what to do in this situation." Suddenly, the tracking drone from earlier emerged from Jasper's hair, making her and White Topaz wonder if it was following them the whole time, and dropped into Connie's hands to deliver a message from Black Rutile.

"Ah, Connie Meka-Leka-Hi-Meka-Hiney-Ho-Swanson, we meet again." The hologram of Black Rutile smirked at her message's intended recipient. "If you are seeing this message, then you're already well aware of my latest revenge scheme and how frequently you've been playing a part in my constant failures. I would kill you and your parents right here and now, but I believe that would be too easy." The very thought of being killed by such a madman unnerved the Maheswarans. "Which is I offer you this challenge! Meet me at the flying Little Homeworld in ninety minutes to face me for the fate of your wretched world, and bring company too. And for an extra challenge, Steven must not get involved in the slightest. Lose, I will kill each and every single one of you. Win?" She let out an evil chuckle. "The only winner will be me, no matter what. Allons-y!"

The drone then shut down and crumbled to pieces of metal in Connie's hand. Despite the threat to her life, it only made her more determined. "Take us to Beach City."

Later at Beach City, Teal Zircon was true to her word and had assembled the entirety of its citizens and then some to discuss their plans to stop Black Rutile. Along with all the Gems that escaped Black Rutile's earlier assault, there was the Barriga family and the Off-Colors, Sadie & Shep, the former Cool Kids, the Pizza and Fryman families, Mr. Smiley and Mr. Frowney, Jamie, Kevin, Onion and his friends, Vidalia, Yellowtail, and Sheena Synstylae. In addition, Teal had also managed to get into contact with Bane Jones, Beckham Jordan, Matt Monroe, Makoto Fuji, and Sam Galley. Now, all that was left was Connie and her parents to make their makeshift army complete.

"My my Teal Zircon, you assembled quite an assortment of characters here." Brenner nodded at all the humans and Gems gathered together to stop Black Rutile. "But do you think this will be enough to stop her?"

"Oh, I know so!" Teal yelled excitedly. "You know those kinds of movies and TV shows where there's a team of people who cannot function together, but they pull through regardless? That's what I'm going for here. On our own, we're just a bunch of misfits. But when we're together, now that's something special." Just then, Connie, her parents, Jasper, and White Topaz appeared behind her from a portal created by Lion. "And there's our girl of the hour! Let's give her a hand!"

Everyone began applauding as Connie walked up to Teal Zircon. "Uh, hello everybody, thank you for inviting me to your little get-together. I'm afraid I'm going to need some catching up to do on what's been going on. I don't think a funny little puppet show is enough."

"Then allow me," Brenner said before he spoke to the audience. "As some of you may not know, our 'dear friend' Black Rutile", He put "dear friend" in air-quotes. "has enacted quite possibly her greatest revenge plot yet, and I bore witness to the fruits of her labor overtime as I was assigned to be her criminal psychologist. She has assembled criminal masterminds, bigoted online personalities, more old enemies of the Gems, and forlorn Gems looking for a place to belong. I have tried multiple times to convince her that she wasn't doing the right thing, but she kept ignoring me at every turn."

"Online personalities like who?" Ronaldo raised his hand, making the rest of the crowd turn to him. "You mean Sally Grove? I've had tons of arguments with her about the Gems before."

"Precisely that," James explained. "I have no idea why she is so cruel, but she seemed perfect as one of Black Rutile's top lieutenants, using her social media influence to gather more human followers through the Internet. There is also Francis von Bowling and his cohorts from P.H.A.N.T.O.M, no doubt brought in for their vendetta against the Gems too."

"Well, I'll be." Bane Jones muttered in bemusement while preparing a technologically advanced shotgun.

"In addition, Black Rutile is now joined by this Marty fellow, who claims to have his own grudge because Steven took his son away from him." James continued, giving him strained looks from Greg and Vidalia. "Together, these scoundrels have converted multiple Gems through these strange blasters built to brainwash anyone hit by them!"

"It's because of those blasters Black Rutile took away my crew!" Nephrite sobbed into Biggs Jasper's arms.

"She took out almost the entire Famethyst!" Carnelian added.

"And like, tons of other quartz Gems too." Chest Rose stated. "Me, my sibs, Biggs, Tiger's Eye, and Cherry are the only ones left."

"Hopefully what the Black Pearls said about finding a way to restore them is true." Cherry Quartz nervously said, looking over at the Black Pearl Brigade.

"So, what can we all do?" Beckham Jordan asked. "We're all just a bunch of humans and Gems who have no idea how unprepared we are for this! Heck, I'm just a star basketball player who knows more about how to score a point than fighting battles! What would happen if one of us were to die today? Besides, Steven won't be here to help us!"

"I promise you all, I won't let that happen." Connie declared before unsheathing her sword and holding it to the sky. "The Crystal Temps will defend this planet to the end!"

"Wait, is that what we're calling ourselves?!" Kevin yelled from afar. "Why not something cooler like the Substitute Crystal Gems, or something?!"

"It's very sentimental!" Connie hurriedly replied. "Now who's with me?!"

"I am!" Orange Spodumene yelled while raising her hand.

"I am!" Kofi Pizza and Mr. Fryman shouted in unison.

"And me too!" Sam Galley added excitedly. "Also, just want to get this outta the way, but I have a bit of a crush on Amethyst."

"Me three!" Lavenderine shouted, followed by a wave of excitement from the gathered New Crystal Temps.

"Aw, what the heck, I haven't got that long a lifespan anyways." Kevin resigned himself to the cause. While Connie proudly looked over at the crowd united for a singular purpose, she felt a familiar hand touching her shoulder.

"I'm in too." Priyanka proclaimed, much to her daughter's surprise. "After that hospital incident, I feel like it's time for me to get involved in your Crystal Gem business and be on the frontlines."

"Well, someone's a little eager." Brenner smiled at Priyanka before looking over at Doug. "And what shall you do for this, sir?"

"I think I'll go look into the Sally Grove situation." Doug answered. "Her parents deserve to know that their daughter is basically selling out the human race to Black Rutile. But be sure to call me so I can still join in."

"Black Rutile told me that I have to meet her in ninety minutes," Connie announced while looking at her watch. "Well, this announcement went by quicker than expected. Anyways, let's save the world!" The New Crystal Temps then began cheering for their grand leader.

Meanwhile, in the dark void of space, Revanche 666 was now completely abandoned following Cinnabar and Andesine's escape from the prison. Black Pearl guards, Bismuths, and Peridots were locked in cells formerly occupied by members of the Rutile Rebels, surviving on a false hope that someone would come to save them. However, two particular prisoners weren't meant to be there. They just wanted to get in, stop a prison riot, and get out. But fate had other plans.

"How long has it been since we were trapped here by Cinnabar's plotting and my own recklessness?" Hessonite muttered to Citrine as the two languished in their prison cells. "Feels like we've been stranded here for eons."

"It's only been a few weeks, Hessonite." Citrine stated. "But yeah, it really has felt like forever. I mean, it would take a miracle for someone to notice that we're stuck here!" Suddenly, the two heard something crash through the walls. "Well, what do you know?"

"Hey, anybody here?!" Spinel yelled as she and Lemon Jade emerged from a spaceship they just crashed into the prison. "The Diamonds were getting worried that something bad happened!"

"Over here Spinel, over here!" Hessonite yelled to Spinel. "Hello, it's me, Hessonite, and yes, I am exactly who you're looking for."

"Yeah, we haven't seen you guys since you went to stop that prison breakout," Spinel answered while turning her hand into a ventriloquist dummy resembling Yellow Diamond. "Old Yeller was like 'I fear something might've gone horribly wrong on Revanche 666. I need someone to volunteer to investigate.' Luckily, I was there to oblige."

"And I simply got dragged along." Lemon Jade added. "So what did happen?"

"We thought Andesine and her entourage had surrendered, but it was all a ruse she and Cinnabar set up to escape," Citrine explained to the visitors. "Now we're all stuck behind bars with no way to leave, no way of contacting anyone outside this prison, and no way to deactivate our cells. Do either of you have any bright ideas?"

"I got one! I saw this on a TV show once." Spinel replied before she leaned on the wall between Hessonite and Citrine's cells and gave it a hard knock, which somehow forced the destabilizing fields guarding the two to deactivate. "Ey!" she added with two thumbs up. "You can thank me later."

"Finally!" Hessonite sighed with relief while shaking Spinel's hand as she emerged from her cell. "But what about everyone else?"

"Don't worry, I got this," Citrine said as she walked out of her cell and straight to the control room.

"So, where are Cinnabar and Andesine now?" Lemon Jade asked Hessonite.

"The two of them are currently on Earth aiding Black Rutile in whatever harebrained scheme she has now planned," Hessonite stated while the prison staff was released from their cells. "We need to act quickly if we want to stop all of them in their tracks."

"Roger roger, live long and prosper and all that!" Spinel exclaimed. "Come on Jade, let's chew bubblegum and kick some butt! And I'm all out of bubblegum."

"I'm not sure if I'm equipped for a fight, but whatever you say, I'll follow," Lemon said as she, Spinel, Hessonite, and Citrine boarded the ship Spinel crashed earlier and took off for Earth to bring Cinnabar & Andesine to justice.

"Ocean Town." Doug muttered to himself as he pulled into Beach City's sister town, easily identified by a sign declaring "STILL NOT ON FIRE." His journey ended at a shabby but homely-looking one-story house where he pulled into the driveway before getting out and knocking on the front door. An overweight, middle-aged fellow with a receding hairline, a barely shaved mustache, and clothes that looked like they haven't been washed in days soon answered. "Hello, is this the Grove residence?"

"What's it to ya?" the fat man said while pulling a half-eaten hot dog out of his pocket to shove in his mouth.

"Doug Maheswaran from Beach City." Doug introduced himself to the man while pulling out his ID. "I'm here to speak about your daughter, Sally."

"Oh good, I thought you were here about the body we found on the train tracks." The man sighed in relief before turning his head to call for someone. "Maureen!"

"What?!" what Doug assumed to be the man's wife hollered back.

"We got a cop here to talk about Sally!" the man replied before letting Doug inside and sitting him down and offering him a drink. "Here, have a shot on me."

"No thanks, I'm good." Doug rejected the offer before a skinny woman hiding her bleached blonde hair in a bandana walked into the living room. "Hello there miss, I'm here to talk to you about your daughter's recent activities."

"Ah yeah, Sally." The woman said as she and her husband sat down on the couch. "I always kept hearing her talk with that alien woman on her whatchacallit….computer. Anyways, my name's Maureen Grove and this is my husband Carl."

"Well, that alien woman is a known bigoted criminal who is plotting to destroy the world." Doug revealed, making Carl and Maureen blankly stare at each other in silence. "Something the matter, you two?"

"Shoulda known our girl would do something like this." Maureen Grove shook her head in shame. "If you think Sally's views were a product of an abusive upbringing or some kind of trauma, I'm afraid you're mistaken, officer. She was diagnosed with kajigger disorder or something."

"Antisocial personality disorder." Carl Grove corrected his wife. "What we're saying is that Sally is just not a pleasant person to be around, especially in this current era of that danged Internet. She thrives on being so smug & self-righteous and making people hate her, yet at the same time she wonders why everyone hates her. And we've tried our best to help her, but she always kept picking on us for stupid reasons! It's absurd, I tells ya!"

"So, she brought this upon herself," Doug said while writing down in his notepad. "Would you care to further elaborate on her behavior?"

"She also had this TubeTube channel that barely had any subscribers because people would rather watch cat videos, let's plays, and those creepy kids' videos," Maureen answered. "But then came that weird monster attack last year, where everything changed forever."

"Sally honey, time for dinner!" Carl called for his daughter while knocking on the door. "Mama's making chili cheese dogs tonight!"

"I can buy and sell you, old man!" Sally insulted her father from behind her bedroom door.

"Fair enough, just starve then because I'm a man." Carl casually replied as he walked away. "I swear, we have got to get her a therapist soon." He muttered to himself. "Dropping out of college I can understand, but she desperately needs to do something with her life."

"CARL, GET DOWN HERE!" Maureen shrieked for her husband. "SOMEONE'S INTERRUPTED AMERICAN IDOL!"

"They WHAT?!" Carl bellowed as he charged down the stairs to see what was going on. To his alarm, their TV show was cut off by the sudden appearance of Black Rutile on their television screen as she made a speech.

"Greetings to the civilians of this backwater planet. I am Black Rutile, soon to be supreme ruler of the Gem race." Black Rutile introduced herself to audiences around the world. "I come to you today because you are faced with a crisis that has been right under your noses for thousands of years now, and it can all be blamed on the Crystal Gems."

"Nothing that changing the channel won't fix." Carl declared as he picked up the remote and tried switching to another channel. Unfortunately, Black Rutile was interrupting the programming there, and on every other channel too. "What the Sam Hill is going on here?! Who would believe such malarkey?!"

"They have been living among your people since the dawn of man, and have brought numerous world-ending threats along with." Black Rutile's speech continued on Sally's computer, much to her curiosity. "From loads of monsters that were formerly members of their kind, to insane terraformers that stole the ocean for selfish purposes followed by nearly drowning thousands once they returned the water to Earth, a superweapon made from the remains of their own kind that remains buried under the Earth as we speak, repeated counts of abductions and the near-genocide of all organic life." Despite Black Rutile clearly spreading lies about the Crystal Gems, the desperate TubeTube user felt a special sort of parasocial connection to her. "But now we are faced with a new problem, and it's all thanks to one Gem: Pink Diamond. It's because of her that this monstrosity plaguing the Earth at this moment is running amok and the Crystal Gems have done nothing to stop it, or her for that matter. Should you believe this planet is worth saving, something must be done about the Crystal Gems, or you will suffer the consequences. That will be all."

With the end of Black Rutile's warning, Sally's life was changed forever. Her TubeTube channel was then completely overhauled to benefit from her newfound hatred of the Crystal Gems. They caused so much chaos and destruction, yet they're celebrated as heroes. Sally simply gives her opinion, and she's constantly villainized for it. To her, that simply wasn't fair. But what no one realized about Sally was terrified of growing past her bigoted, misanthropic mindset and becoming a better person because she believed kindness and compassion were signs of weakness. And she despised being weak.

"Ever since then, that Black Rutile yutz has been a bad influence on our girl." Carl finished his story. "Sally's been completely off her rocker because of her. Every time we tried setting her up with various lovers, she just kept abusing them. Especially this one feller named Fred who she kept saying had a small di-"

"Anything else I should know before I leave?" Doug asked, cutting off Carl before he could finish. "What other crimes has she committed?"

"What hasn't she committed?" Maureen replied. "Thankfully, she hasn't done anything super serious, but she's also formed lynch mobs online against random people she hates, and cyberbullied her so-called friends away. And let's not forget that she wrote some really disturbing fanfiction!" She cringed in disgust at the thought.

"Right, thank you for your time, Mr. and Mrs. Grove, I promise I'll have your daughter returned home so she can get the help she deserves," Doug said as he got up and prepared to leave, only for Carl to stop him.

"Hey, before you go, officer," Carl said before presenting Doug with a chili cheese dog. "care for a chili cheese dog? Can't save the world on an empty stomach."

"You know what? I'll take it." Doug accepted the dog before pulling out his phone. "Connie, I'll be coming back soon. Is everything ready?"

"Almost, Dad," Connie responded. "Bane Jones helped us get everybody weapons for the big fight. We just need to wait on you now."

Elsewhere in Washington D.C., President Eduardo Suarez, his vice president Theresa Maxwell, Wade Grant, Lloyd Waller, and his presidential cabinet remained in hiding from the forces of Reginald Anderson. Having just witnessed his family being held hostage, the White House being overtaken, and one of the secret service agents under his employment brutally beaten to near death, the president was naturally anxious about what to do next. What's more, there's no way he can contact the Crystal Gems at the moment. He was at an utter loss at what to do.

"Never seen Eddy this worked up in ages," Theresa muttered in wonder at her president's nervous pacing. "Last time I've seen him like this was when Clump seemed to have beat him in the polls."

"I wouldn't blame him," Lloyd replied. "Country's in crisis again, plus his family is in grave danger. Poor thing looks like he'll have a panic attack at any moment."

"I'll go have a talk with him," Wade said as he walked over to his chief and put a hand on his shoulder. "Mr. President, are you feeling alright? Do you need anything before we make our decision?"

"No, I'm perfectly fine!" Eduardo exclaimed bravely, a far cry from the nervous front he was just putting up. "I'm willing to give everything for this country, as a good president should!" However, his courageous smile was quickly replaced with an insecure frown. "But what can I do when my family's lives are at stake here? One wrong move and I could lose everything."

"You're right, he's giving us a very tough choice here." Wade nodded when he suddenly got an idea. "Wait, I know!" Whatever he whispered into the president's ear, Eduardo was liking what he was hearing. "You got that?"

"I like what you're saying." Eduardo nodded. "Let's do it." Just then, three men opened the doors to One Observatory Drive and walked in. The first man wore a nice suit and was balding, while his two associates were dressed in a tank top and a collared shirt respectively. "Hello there."

"Greetings Mr. President, my name is Mr. Shreds." Mr. Shreds introduced himself to the president. "These are my two associates, Tank and Collar, and we are here to deliver you to Reginald Johnson so you can relinquish your presidency."

"Just move along now and don't keep us waiting!" Collar said as he and Tank took Eduardo by the arms and guided him to their limo. "Any last words, sir?"

"Yes, I'd like to make a personal request to Reginald." Eduardo nodded. "I'd like to have a public debate with him, face to face."

"As absurd as your request is, I shall grant it," Tank replied begrudgingly, not knowing what he was in for as the limousine drove away.

"So what did you tell him?" Theresa asked Wade as the two worriedly watched Eduardo be taken away.

"You'll see." Wade gave the vice president a knowing smirk.

"Making yourselves comfortable, Crystal Gems?" Black Rutile asked her prisoners while paying them one last visit to their cell. "Doesn't matter to me, because I got special plans for you."

"What is it now?" Peridot muttered disdainfully. "Is it about how you're so much better than us because you're not us?"

"Whatever it is, just get it over with already," Bismuth added sadly. "I deserve it for what I put Lapis through."

"Yes, yes you did." Lapis harshly agreed. "You poofed me and then forced me to be the dumb little plaything that you'll always throw away when you don't need me."

"You're still depressed about that?!" Black Rutile groaned in irritation as the brainwashed Emerald pulled up a throne for Black Rutile to sit on. "I'm saying that this could all be avoided if you joined me! Over time, I began to realize that the Rutile Rebels aren't as different from the Crystal Gems as I thought. We all started out as nobodies, did something extraordinary that made us different from the rest of our kin, rose to the top, and earned the respect of the Diamonds, only to have all torn down by a person who didn't even care about them." She declared. "I'll admit, when I first heard about Little Homeworld, I wanted to destroy it so bad, especially when you locked me up here. But after spending some time trapped here, I, ever the opportunist, decided that I could make it into something better!"

"Like turning it into our new secret lair for example!" Aquamarine added.

"And we have your stupid bickering to thank for it!" Eyeball said as all the other Rutile Rebels threw their heads back and laughed.

"What I'm trying to say is that there are special people like us who should run the world, and then there are the disgusting humans who deliver our food and fight our wars." Black Rutile continued. "Which is why I'm offering you this one-time opportunity. Let us work together for once so we can truly bring Gems and humans together in peace and harmony!" To emphasize her point, she turned on a news report documenting the attack on the White House. "Refuse, and I shall make you pay with your lives! Bring out the Disintegrator!"

"Wait, the Disintegrator?!" Bismuth shrieked in terror as Sally walked in with a small, glowing boxlike device in her hands that she set on the table. "I thought that was outlawed eons ago! How did you get one?!"

"You'd be surprised what I can accomplish through mixing Gem technology with human garbage." Black Rutile stated while presenting the device. "For those uninformed, most likely you Amethyst, this was an ancient torture device built to execute criminal Gems by grinding them up into dust and dispersing them in the air in a beautiful yet morbid fashion."

"Curious, most curious." Francis von Bowling nodded with intrigue. "And how does it work exactly?"

"Allow me to demonstrate." Black Rutile responded before presenting a small rock she placed in the Disintegrator. She then turned it on, and the rock was instantly ground up into dust in a terrifying show of the machine's power, leaving the Gems horrified yet not surprised she would use something like that. "That oughta show you for brainwashing us all!"

"You're kidding me?" Pearl scoffed. "You claim we're brainwashing Gems against their and forcing them to join our side when that's literally what you are doing with those devices! Those aren't rejuvenating blasters, they're inculcating blasters! All these new Gems of yours say: "All hail Black Rutile! All hail Black Rutile!", but the Gems we teach would never say anything like that. We didn't force them to come here, they made that choice willingly."

"Kind of like how Lapis willingly joined me after I convinced her of how alone we were in the universe?" Black Rutile retorted, pointing to a sullen Lapis in the darkness. "Or how I convinced Sally Grove here to be a kindred spirit?"

"Yeah, that reminds me," Amethyst asked. "How could you team up with someone that obviously evil? Surely, you must have some tragic reason for doing so, right?"

"No, no tragic reason at all," Sally admitted without a single ounce of empathy in her voice. "I just like being hated. It makes me feel powerful."

"Hatred makes all of us powerful." Holly Blue agreed with Sally, with Cat's Eye by her side with her cat Blake in her arms.

"Very powerful." Cat's Eye agreed.

"Okay, we've had enough taunting, let's get to executing!" Black Rutile declared eagerly as she began choosing which Crystal Gem to disintegrate. However, her choice was pretty easy. "Bismuth, do you volunteer as tribute?"

"Wait, what?!" Bismuth muttered as the brainwashed Demantoid and Pyrope freed her from her shackles to be executed. "You won't get away with this, Black Rutile!"

"As a matter of fact, I've gotten away with it months ago." Black Rutile cruelly sneered while shoving the Disintegrator towards Bismuth. "Now, you might feel a little tingle."

"Lapis, please, I'm sorry!" Bismuth cried out for possibly the last time to Lapis, but she didn't seem to listen. All Lapis could do was turn away in shame. As Bismuth was about to be thrown into the machine and the other Crystal Gems cried for Black Rutile not to do it, the Disintegrator was suddenly stabbed with an epee, causing it to shut down. "What?"

"You!" Black Rutile yelled at Tanzanite for destroying her machine. "I have put hours upon hours into building that, and you made it all for nothing!"

"That's because you've gone too far this time, and I can't do this anymore!" Tanzanite yelled angrily while proceeding to free Bismuth, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Peridot from their restraints. "Brainwashing is one thing, but executing too?"

"Are you seriously trying to talk back to your master?" Black Rutile growled angrily. "You know how Rose lied to you, you know how she left you to die and become part of a planet-destroying abomination against your will! I was there for you, and this is how you repay me?!"

"Yes, the Crystal Gems aren't honest, but their intentions are definitely real." Tanzanite declared firmly, bringing a tear to Pearl's eye before her former student was threatened with Black Rutile's bowie knife.

"Take that back and fight for me, or pay the price." Black Rutile ordered Tanzanite to stand down, and the punk purple Gem meekly did as she was told while Navy raced up to her master's side. "Yes, Ruby?"

"We got humans and enemy Gems at 12:00!" Navy yelled hurriedly.

"Did you tell them I hate them?" Black Rutile asked while turning her bowie knife into her sword. "No matter." With a superhuman leap, Black Rutile bounded out of her lair and landed in front of the New Crystal Temps before striking a pose as she drew her sword. "Well, don't stop on my account."

"Black Rutile, we've come to finally bring you to justice!" Connie declared while raising her sword in the air. "In the name of the Crystal Gems, the planet Earth, and the entire universe, we'll punish you for your crimes. And this time, we'll make it permanent. Do you yield?"

Black Rutile just sneered at Connie's bold declaration and responded with simply "I do not." With a snap of her fingers, the other Rutile Rebels, including a reluctant Tanzanite and Lapis, soon gathered behind her to counter Connie's forces. Just then, however, the Crystal Gems leaped out from behind the Rutile Rebels to join Connie and the others, followed by Spinel, Hessonite, Citrine, and Lemon Jade crashing into Little Homeworld on their ship.

"CRYSTAL GEMS!" Garnet roared while summoning her gauntlets. "Assemble." With that, everyone behind Connie roared as they charged into battle against Black Rutile and her enforcers, along with legions of brainwashed Gems, Concrete warriors, and Cactus & Topiary Stevens once again forced to serve Black Rutile. This was a day unlike any other when humans and Gems alike found themselves united against a common foe for the first time in thousands of years. On that day, everyone in Beach City became a Crystal Gem.

"Of course, you would find a way to ruin my plans!" Black Rutile said as she got into an intense swordfight with Connie. The battle for Earth had already gotten off to a rousing start. Bane Jones and Beckham Jordan fought side by side against von Bowling and his men, Kevin and Vidalia were up against Marty in a mechanical war suit, and Lars had a rematch with Emerald, among many other battles. "For too long now, you've always been interfering and you didn't even know it!"

"It's called loyalty Black Rutile, something you would probably never know!" Connie retorted before going in for a stab, only to be blocked by Sally Grove fighting back with a laser sword. "And as for you!"

"Don't even try to preach to me, little girl." Sally taunted in her usual high and mighty fashion. "We all know you would've found a way to call your white savior because you have no other personality outside of being his protector! You're a disgrace to your ethnicity, brat!"

"That's what you think, bullying my daughter like that!" Priyanka retorted with a sword of her own to fight Sally and Black Rutile with. "Apologize to her at once or I will reveal everything your parents told my husband!"

"What do you mean I have to apologize?! She attacked me!" Sally said before she realized what the doctor meant. "Wait, really? Oh no, no no no no!"

"Yeah, they told me some pretty messed up stuff about you," Doug said while putting out his notepad and reading what he had written earlier, making Sally writhe in agony while Black Rutile looked disdainfully at her human charge. "Let's see, abusing everyone around you, including your own parents, refusing to grow beyond your toxic personality while also blaming it on everyone around you, that disturbing fanfiction-"

"It's only disturbing from a certain point of view, having sexual relationships with your family members is perfectly normal in some parts of the world!" Sally only kept digging herself deeper into insanity in her attempts to preserve her image, unaware that Ronaldo had been live-streaming her this entire time, and her reputation was falling apart by the second. "Hey, turn that camera off!"

"No way, this is going to make a killing on Keep Beach City Weird!" Ronaldo laughed mischievously. "Wow, these negative comments expressing how betrayed your viewers must be for how much of a hypocrite you're being are coming in by the dozens."

"It's the same story I've seen so many times." Doug shook his head in disgust as Sally had an utter breakdown in front of the Maheswarans and Black Rutile, who was just as disgusted at how pathetic her partner was. "A fine, upstanding bigot. Your nose is so close to the grindstone, you can't see anything else. Meanwhile, the world changes and grows, and you're blind to it! Ignorant and proud of it too."

"Am I glad that's not me!" Black Rutile scoffed hypocritically as Sally was handcuffed and taken somewhere safe until the battle was over. "Now where were we? Oh yes!" She immediately got right back to her clash with Connie.

"So, calming down Lapis." Peridot muttered as she, Jasper, and White Topaz stood in front of Lapis and Phoenix Lapis fighting Laz and Zuli. "Got any ideas?"

"You're her life partner, you should know!" Jasper exclaimed while Laz and Zuli fought for their lives. "Paz, got any bright ideas?"

"I think I might have a good idea of what to do." White Topaz declared. "Bismuth, we need your help!"

"I'm in the middle of something here!" Bismuth replied while she was fighting Andesine and Cinnabar. "Oh, you want me to make up with Lapis, right?"

"Hopefully having her back on our side will turn the tide of battle!" White Topaz suggested, causing Bismuth to knock her two opponents out and walk up to her. "Just say what you need to say and hopefully she'll listen."

"This had better work." Bismuth took a deep breath and yelled "HEY LAPIS, OVER HERE!" The four Lapises then turned to see Bismuth below. "No, not you, the one who hates me!" she corrected herself.

"What do you want now?" Lapis angrily asked as she hovered on the ground.

"Listen Lapis, I know you won't ever forgive me and the other Crystal Gems for what we did to you," Bismuth said. "but I swear, if you listen and understand we didn't know what we did, maybe we can finally start making amends."

"Wait, you mean it?" Lapis's face softened in surprise.

"Yeah, we're still your friends!" White Topaz declared happily.

"And besides, I'm the only one who gets to be all sullen and betrayed here!" Jasper added before reaching her hand out. "Just take my hand."

Lapis started smiling again, bringing smiles to Peridot and White Topaz's faces as well, and began to reach out to Jasper. However, she was quickly interrupted by Cinnabar and Andesine's groups pointing their Rejuvenation Blasters at the Crystal Gems.

"Make another move, and we'll have to reset all of you." Cinnabar declared coldly.

"Now then, any last words?" Andesine smirked.

"I got one," Bismuth stated before raising her fist at Lapis's gem. "Please don't hate me for this again!" With a single punch, Lapis was poofed yet again, this time to save her from being shot with the Rejuvenation Blaster as the Rutile Rebels began opening fire, prompting Bismuth, Jasper, White Topaz, and Peridot to scatter.

"I'll be taking this to reverse-engineer, thank you very much!" Peridot snickered as she robbed Howlite of her Blaster to experiment on and ran away with a maniacal "NYEH-HAHAHAHAHA!"

"After her!" Howlite commanded and raced after Peridot with Dalmatian Jasper, Zoisite, Amber, and Xenotime behind her.

"Check it out, I got a Rejuvenation Blaster!" Peridot said to Squaridot and IQ while presenting the stolen blaster to them. "Maybe we can work together to find a way to use it to get everyone back to normal!"

"That's some good thinking, Peridot." Squaridot complimented the other Peridot's idea before the three geniuses snuck off to get to work.

"So it's come to this, Tanzanite, the student versus the master," Pearl said as she took a battle stance, and Tanzanite did the same. "Tell me Tanzanite, why did you join Black Rutile instead of accepting everything as it was? I understand if you felt betrayed by Rose, but this is not a healthy way of coping."

"It's because I just wanted to save everyone from what I suffered," Tanzanite revealed sadly as she clashed with her former mentor. "My friends! My family! Everything I did was for the galaxy, for the Crystal Gems! But it was all for nothing, Pink Diamond used all of us to avoid the consequences of her actions." Despite how much Pearl tried to speak up, Tanzanite kept ranting. "I had to use my skills on friends; on family; Gems that I knew. She controlled us through lies." She then let out a strained and tearful laugh. "Homeworld, no better than the rebels Rose created. I helped terrorize my people! I wanted you to stop it, I had to stop it. I spoke out. I spoke out to Black Rutile, to save everyone from you! But when I did, I only stood with a monster. You chose Pink Diamond." Now, Tanzanite was on the verge of tears as she sobbed into Pearl's chest. "You left me, gave me no choice! The Diamonds wanted to destroy worlds, and they did. Pink destroyed mine."

"Oh, poor dear," Pearl muttered sorrowfully while holding her old student close. "But do you still believe Black Rutile is good for you?"

"I'm not sure if anyone is good for me." Tanzanite sobbed. "I don't know if Black Rutile really cares for me or if she just saw me as a tool."

"Black Rutile never cared for anyone to begin with." Pearl declared before she held Tanzanite's head in her hands. "I'm truly sorry that I made you choose this path, and I promise that there will be no more secrets between us from now on. Is that good?"

"Yeah, but I'm not sure if I can forgive myself for this." Tanzanite agreed just as she felt the business end of a Rejuvenation Blaster pressing the back of her head.

"Another last-minute betrayal, I see." Andesine grinned while preparing to pull the trigger, only for Tanzanite to smack it out of Andesine's hands with her epee before stabbing her in the chest.

"Now look what you made ME do," Tanzanite smirked as she threw what Andesine said when she shattered her back in the red Gem's face before she poofed.

"Okay Mr. S, here we are." Mr. Shreds said as he pulled the limo up to the White House and let Eduardo out. "Just make it quick, I'm on a tight schedule here," Eduardo said nothing as he saw his family surrounded by terrorists and Reginald smugly standing by a video camera and a podium.

"Go on Mr. Prez, don't be shy." Reginald mockingly urged Eduardo. "Just say what you need to say."

"That's exactly what I was going to say to you." Eduardo declared before trapping Reginald in a headlock. "NOW!" The SWAT team immediately overwhelmed Reginald's enforcers while Reginald tried his best to fight back, only to be met with a krav maga kick from Theresa, coming straight out of nowhere.

"Did you plan all this?!" Reginald shouted.

"Well, not necessarily," Eduardo replied as Wade and Lloyd came to handcuff Reginald. "It's just that I'm far more quick on my feet than you'll ever be."

"Dad!" Huey and Riley Suarez cried as Theresa freed them from their restraints and hugged their father.

"Oh, mi preciosos, I was so worried," Eduardo said as he hugged them back before seeing Arlene walk towards them as well. "And I surely didn't forget you, my love."

"And you never will," Arleen replied before kissing her husband. And so, the White House was saved, thanks to the president and his quick thinking. Now all he had to do was hope that the Crystal Gems were doing alright.

"Must I remind you of my superiority, pretty boy?" Marty taunted Kevin while showing off the capabilities of his war suit. "Face it, hiding behind all these beautiful women won't get you anywhere in life!"

"Yeah, I'm absolutely unequipped for this, but that won't stop me from trying!" Kevin exclaimed before beginning to fight back.

"How could you, Marty?" Vidalia asked her ex-husband. "I knew you were a dirtbag, but selling out the entire human race for what? Just because you're mad we disowned you!"

"Oh yeah, I'm absolutely livid," Marty agreed. "but I'm mostly just here to get even with you guys. I don't give a damn about Black Rutile's whole rebellion business!"

Meanwhile, Bane Jones, Beckham, Makoto, and Matt were all standing back-to-back against Francis von Bowling's men. "So, when this is all over, could I perhaps get an autograph?" Bane asked Beckham. "I'm a huge fan, and I consider it an honor to be fighting for Earth with you."

"I'd be more than happy to." Beckham smiled at the offer.

"Hey boys, can we pick up the pace a bit?!" Makoto said while delivering an upside-down spinning kick to Konstantin, Pavel, and Leo at once.

Above the chaos going on in Little Homeworld, Black Rutile stood atop the whirlybird tower and was not happy with how her forces were losing. "STOOOOOP THEM!" she shrieked angrily while pulling at her hair just as she turned to see Connie, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Peridot, Bismuth, Jasper, White Topaz, Spinel, Hessonite, and now Tanzanite standing behind her. "You! You ruined everything again! I could've made everything perfect!"

"You didn't want to make things perfect." Tanzanite declared to Black Rutile. "You just hated things the way they are."

"This is your final warning, Black Rutile." Garnet declared. "And this time, we won't be giving you a second chance. You and your minions are headed straight for Revanche 666 after this!"

"Fine, if I can never win, then neither should you!" Black Rutile completely snapped. "Aquamarine, Eyeball, Chrome Chalcedony, to me!"

"Ready as always, Black Rutile!" Aquamarine said as she and Eyeball fused into Bluebird Azurite, while Holly Blue and Cat's Eye arrived to make Chrome Chalcedony.

"And now, for a little surprise!" Bluebird proclaimed.

"I have a little joke for you all." Black Rutile smiled dementedly while grabbing Bluebird's hand. "What do you get when you cross a depressed loner with a society that abandons her and treats her like trash?!"

"That's not a very good joke!" Amethyst replied.

"I'll tell you what you get, you get what you deserve!" Black Rutile shrieked before she and Bluebird merged to form Pietersite, now sporting Black Rutile's new pink cape and red visor in addition to her outfit now looking different to fit Aquamarine's regeneration.

"PIETERSITE LIVES!" Pietersite bellowed loudly for all to hear and cringe in fear. "AND NOW CRYSTAL GEMS, IT IS TIME FOR THE FINAL CURTAIN CALL!"

"I don't think so!" Peridot said as she fired a Rejuvenation Blaster at the two fusions, which they dodged only for the blast to hit one of Nephrite's crew and revert her to normal. "I stole one of those blasters from Howlite and reverse-engineered them to change everyone hit by them back to normal."

"I'm free, I've been freed!" the Nephrite cheered at finally being brought back to her old self.

"What?" Pietersite muttered in horror as the Crystal Gems immediately understood what was going to happen and raced down to solid ground so they can do the same for all the other Gems Black Rutile converted. "No! No no no! Don't do that, I worked so hard!"

"Stop them!" Chrome Chalcedony added as she and Pietersite tried fighting back against the enemy, but as the Crystal Gems' forces grew with every Gem turned back to normal, they were quickly outnumbered.

"Well, we're boned," Apatite muttered as she and Amazonite prepared to leave. "Let's skedaddle!"

"I don't think that'll be necessary," Amazonite replied as she and Apatite found themselves confronted by the entirety of Beach City's population, and they weren't happy.

"Goin' somewhere?" Sheena Synstylae cracked her neck and her knuckles.

"Don't worry, you're not the only ones we'll be punishing," Lars added.

"We'll finally gain an advantage over Black Rutile!" Padparadscha Sapphire exclaimed happily.

Pietersite could barely comprehend what happened, and it was so anticlimactic too. Her forces were subdued, her weapons seized and modified to fix what she had done, and now all that was left of the Rutile Rebels was her, Aquamarine, and Eyeball once again. "Please no, just give me a second chance!"

"Not likely," Lapis said as she summoned a sawblade made of water that sliced Pietersite in half, barely giving her a chance to fight because the Crystal Gems now considered Black Rutile to be that pathetic to not even consider a grander defeat. To seal the deal, Little Homeworld was returned to its rightful place outside of Beach City with help from the Lapis Lazulis.

Black Rutile, Aquamarine, and Eyeball all fell to the ground in defeat, while the rest of the Rutile Rebels were brought together in chains. "I hate happy endings."

"Well, that should about wrap everything up!" Pearl sighed in relief once the dust settled. "Now then, it's off to Revanche 666 you all go!"

"And me too," Tanzanite added, much to Pearl's shock. "Even if I changed my ways, I still need to forgive myself for siding with Black Rutile too."

"Indeed, young Tanzanite." James began one final monologue. "At the end of the day, we are all but individuals crying for fairness in our lives. You won't get everything, but you'll get something. The Crystal Gems finally restore peace, while Black Rutile hopefully realizes how futile her schemes were. In the end, we just need to decide what is fair and what isn't."

"Oh, be quiet!" Black Rutile said as Hessonite and Spinel carted her away to the ship Andesine and Cinnabar hijacked in their prison break, while everyone was left to rejoice.

"So, that's all that happened?" Steven asked Connie a few days later over video chat. "Wow, sounds like you had quite the adventure."

"Yeah, and that's not even getting into what happened next," Connie stated. "First, Marty's now on the run from the law and lost everything. Then, Kevin got a key to the city."

"That's a phrase I never expected to hear." Steven laughed. "What else happened?"

"The Crystal Gems have all made up with each other and the Diamonds, and they're getting the therapy they need from Dr. Sucrose, Mr. Ikari, and Dr. Brenner." Connie continued. "Speaking of which, Brenner put Sally Grove under house arrest and is writing a book about the psychology of influencers, Neil Michaels is stuck doing ChikFlix movies to recoup his losses, Francis von Bowling is stuck in prison with Reginald Johnson, the president is still alive, and finally, the Rutile Rebels are all safely behind bars for what they've done. But I kinda doubt they'll stay there for long because evil geniuses are harder to squash than cockroaches."

"Hey, Connie!" Lapis cried while knocking on Connie's window, now back in her Crystal Gem uniform. When Connie peeked her head outside, she could see the other Crystal Gems outside her house. "You got a minute?"

"I'll call you back Steven!" Connie said before hanging up on Steven and racing outside to meet with her alien friends, no doubt to go on another adventure together. In the distance, the Officer was recording everything he saw and sending it to his masters.

Meanwhile, on Revanche 666, the prison was restored to order as the Rutile Rebels were locked behind the destabilizing fields in their cells.

"Hey, don't be so bummed out everyone!" Kyanite exclaimed. "We can make prison life fun!"

"Oh be quiet!" Zoisite yelled angrily.

"I did pretend to get sent to prison only to get sent to prison for real!" Amber added. "I'm getting anxious!"

"Hey, is no one going to check up on Black Rutile?" Dalmatian Jasper asked while pointing at Black Rutile sitting calmly in her cell.

"She's looking even mopier than me," Xenotime added worriedly. "I hope she's alright."

Hiding from the endless chatter of Zoisite's team, a restored Emerald, Morganite, Demantoid & Pyrope who were behind bars to repent, Black Rutile gazed emotionlessly at her hand as she wondered how it all came to this. So many months of planning have now gone to waste, once again because of the Gems' human friends. This made her finally ask herself one thing. "Is this still worth it?"

This went way longer than I expected, and with way too many characters I put on the cast list that didn't get a line! I've recently found it to be a bad habit of mine, and I hope to remedy that in future stories. I also think I kind of rushed this to be as big as possible while still meeting my deadline. But in the meantime, I hope you all enjoyed these past thirteen weeks and I get to enjoy a break at last and maybe pursuing either a story I haven't written yet or one I still need to finish. But for now, let's see what to come in the finale.

"Your Highness, we received another update from Aescul!" a snakelike alien told his master, another snake alien who was far larger and resembled a king cobra, as he received the news from their deep cover agent. "He says now might finally be the time."

"Excellent work, sir." The king cobra alien said to his subordinate while slithering away. "You are dismissed." The cobra then retreated into a mysterious chamber where he met with a shadowy figure towering above him. "It's time for the Gems to enter our contest, great Lapidarist." He declared to the shadow. "Soon, we shall return your children to you."

The shadowy figure began glowing a brilliant white light as it woke up, followed by shimmering with every possible color in existence while laying eyes upon its servant.

Featuring Voltaire as King Cobralan Jormagundr

TO BE CONCLUDED IN STEVEN UNIVERSE: SNAKE EYES

A FINALE THREE YEARS IN THE MAKING

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televinita · 1 year

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Books Read in 2022: The Why

I said I wasn’t gonna do this but then it really annoyed me that I hadn’t while I was looking at the older ones, and SECRETLY it turns out I had the whole document on my computer so boom. End-of-year wrap-up but it’s midway through the next year.

We are now in year seven (?!) of looking back at my reading list for the year and answering the question, why did you read this particular book? I’m officially adding back in where/how I heard of it, too, because I also missed being able to easily see that stat.

You can see the full chronological list w/ larger cover images here, but these are split into groups by target readership age, plus nonfiction at the end. When it comes to 20th century teen books, sometimes it’s very hard to decide whether to count a title YA or middle grade, so I tried to just stick with the rule of “protagonists age 13 and under = middle grade.”

ADULT FICTION

(splitting into 3 sections because there are A Lot of covers here)

Very Sincerely Yours - Kerry Winfrey. 2021. Do we all know the story of how I took one look at the love interest described in the summary and said “Darren Criss??” (specifically the energy of him in that one music video?)

How I heard of it: a book blog

How Not To Die Alone - Richard Roper. 2019. I mean, it’s an eye-catching title! Upon pulling it out: “oh I’m here for sad introverted men. And the prospect of office romance.” And his job sounded interesting to read about.

How I heard of it: library

The Killer in the Carriage House - Sheila Connolly. 2019. The Secret Staircase - Sheila Connolly. 2021. The first audiobook of this cozy-mystery series was such a fun experience last year that I was excited to enjoy the next two (sadly there are no more, or I would have kept going)

Cross My Heart - Robin Lee Hatcher. 2019. Pulled this out of a Little Free Library like “HORSES??” (a romance featuring people who work with horses, specifically) and read it immediately.

Castaways - Brian Keene. 2009. The premise of “Survivor goes horribly wrong” was irresistible. I love jungle thrillers, I love horror, I don’t usually love cryptid horror but combined with the premise, I said yeah, okay.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Present Danger - Elizabeth Goddard. 2021. My rewatch of Blood & Treasure season 1 whipped me into a frenzy of both searching the keyword “treasure” in the library catalog and looking for 2nd chance romance. This one gave me both, PLUS my beloved western mountain setting!

Brood - Jackie Polzin. 2021. Small, cute, compact book to which I said, “chickens? Vignettes? Cool.”

How I heard of it: library, specifically because it was shelved beside the next book on this list.

A Rumored Fortune - Joanna Davidson Politano. 2018. See “Present Danger” rationale but swap mountain setting for a 19th century English estate (woo!) and more prominent focus on treasure.

How I heard of it: library

Made in the U.S.A. - Billie Letts. 2008. I really enjoyed two of her earlier ones; this cover caught my eye at the library so I spontaneously decided to take a trip back to her.

The River - Peter Heller. 2019. The Guide - Peter Heller. 2021. Watch The Amazing Race Season 33 –> find Dusty & Ryan’s friendship totally awesome –> Google for a book about two best friends, ideally in an outdoor setting –> find the book of your dreams in a Reddit post looking for exactly that. And I loved the characters so much that of COURSE I was going to read the sequel.

Five Tuesdays in Winter: Stories - Lily King. 2021. The title got my attention and the first couple of stories intrigued me juuuust enough that I decided to read the whole thing instead of just skimming or reading a couple.

How I heard of it: library

The Bookshop of Yesterdays - Amy Meyerson. 2018. How could you NOT love the idea of a) a literary scavenger hunt and b) inheriting a bookshop??

How I heard of it: I think this one was on a book blog?

While You Sleep - Stephanie Merritt. 2019. Picked up the previous book at the library and this was next to it. What I could see of the spine looked cool, the cover looked awesome, and “ghost story on an isolated island off the coast of Scotland?? TAKE ME TO THERE.”

Before I Called You Mine - Nicole Deese. 2020. I was desperate for a sweet romance. I wasn’t sure if this would cut it, but when I looked it up on Goodreads, there was a review that said “if you don’t fall in love with Joshua you are not human,” and that was a very good endorsement indeed. not least because I was looking for a book specifically to cast Josh Groban in

How I heard of it: used book sale

Lake Season - Denise Hunter. 2019. Days of furious keywoord-googling produces: sweet romance prospect the second! (he’s a shy and reclusive romance novelist?? OK go) WITH a bonus dream setting/premise of “inherited B&B.”

Beautiful Girls: Stories - Beth Ann Bauman. 2002. The cover was very pretty – less for the image of legs than the lovely use of purple tones, which I suppose includes the knee high socks I now want – and I was hoping to relate to the women/girls in this collection. Bought 1.5 years ago, read now to see if I could get rid of it. (yes)

How I heard of it: used-book section of my magic local Barnes & Noble.

girlchild - Tupelo Hassman. 2012. I was intrigued by the cover, trailer park setting, vignette style of writing, and 3-generations-of-women cast of characters.

How I heard of it: used book sale

All That Really Matters - Nicole Deese. 2021. Her other book was so good that I looked up her backlist, which led me to one been intrigued by on a book blog but forgotten to write down; I genuinely had no idea it was this author! Mostly because: I love main characters who are Influencers, but I was also curious about her youth mentorship job.

The Middle of Somewhere - Sonja Yoerg. 2015. Summertime = hiking inspiration time! (she’s on the Pacific Crest Trail)

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Thief of Hearts - Tess Gerritsen. 1995. Blood & Treasure obsession round 2 (for season 2) leads to me seeking an audiobook with a British female narrator whose voice will remind me of Lexi’s. And then I find one from an author I love, about a CAT BURGLAR?? Serendipity! So even though their nationalities are reversed, “whatever, this is a Danny-and-Lexi story now in my head.”

How I heard of it: Libby

In Their Footsteps - Tess Gerritsen. 1994. And then I accidentally fell in love with Jordan Tavistock so much that I went back to the first book in the duology to get more of him.

How I heard of it: Libby

Never Say Die - Tess Gerritsen. 1992. But in between those books, I was like, that is WILD, I can’t believe I’m finding 90s mass market romance so fun?? so I picked up a bonus (in print this time) because this one kind of looked like my other OTP Of The Summer, Claire/Owen, since it was an ex-soldier + headstrong woman who Doesn’t Need His Help.

How I heard of it: Libby

Mom Jeans and Other Mistakes - Alexa Martin. 2021. Raise your hand if you LOVE the idea of best friends moving in together in adulthood even though one of them has a kid.

How I heard of it: a book blog

The Summer List - Amy Mason Doan. 2018. SO many reasons: the beautiful cover and title, best friends reuniting in adulthood after 15 years apart, the idea of scavenger hunts, the northern California setting...

How I heard of it: oh no, can’t remember! I think Goodreads?

The Lake Season - Hannah McKinnon. 2015. The beautiful summery cover, mostly. I wanted in on a similar setting after loving the above.

How I heard of it: Goodreads (upon looking up Lake Season in the search bar)

What You Wish For - Katherine Center. 2020. I’ve loved several of hers and though I was definitely Wary about this one’s romance, then I got briefly obsessed with Adam Scott and was like, oh, I could imagine HIM playing this character in a still-appealing way, given the difference between his personalities on Parks & Rec vs. Severance! (facts: even picturing Scott, I still hated Duncan)

How I heard of it: Goodreads

A Dazzle of Diamonds - Liz Johnson. 2020. Was once again in the mood for a sweet romance and I loved the other two in this series / had always wanted to read this one. Guaranteed good time.

How I heard of it: Goodreads, but introduced to the series originally on a book blog

Tailspin - Elizabeth Goddard. 2016. Blood & Treasure got me to a place of “I need multiple life-threatening/life-saving action scenes STAT!” and then my brain remembered that when I was last here in January, I’d learned that Goddard had one billion options for me. This one seemed closest to my needs from what the library had. Cookie-cutter mass market romance is very useful sometimes.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

We Went to the Woods - Caitlin Dolan-Leach. 2019. It sounded like an American version of my beloved The Shadow Year. Friends deciding to try group homesteading for self-sufficiency? BRING IT.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Rizzoli & Isles #13: Listen To Me - Tess Gerritsen. 2022. Read & loved all the other books in this series.

The Map That Leads To You - Joseph Monninger. 2017. I’ve read several of his YA novels, and then a Reddit post described it as some of the most beautiful writing they’d ever encountered. Plus, it is very romantic to think of a man following his grandfather’s leatherbound travel journal.

The Vines - Shelley Nolden. 2021. Came up on my Goodreads feed; I clicked on the link to her research about North Brother Island with all its crumbling abandoned structures, and immediately said TRANSPORT ME HERE FICTIONALLY.

An Afternoon Walk - Dorothy Eden. 1971. The cover pulled me in and the first chapter – which details the cover image as they explore the grounds of a nearby estate and peek at the abandoned house – sold me entirely.

How I heard of it: used book sale

The Lost Island - Preston & Child. 2014. Gideon's Sword - Preston & Child. 2011. Looking for more audiobooks that at least vaguely fit my Danny/Lexi/adventure casting, the “treasure” keyword pinged the Lost Island. It didn’t work for Lexi, but I could totally picture Matt Barr as Gideon and the audiobook was really good, so I went back to the beginning. (I had intended to listen to the whole 5-book series, but I got Distracted)

How I heard of it: Libby

Fading Starlight - Kathryn Cushman. 2016. Beautiful cover + fixing up a coastal house, I’m there.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Hidden Treasures - Michelle Adams. 2021. Needed an audiobook, did a keyword search for “treasure” on Libby this time and was drawn in by that, the cover, the prospect of cleaning out a hoarder’s house, and the 2nd chance romance (hey there Danny/Lexi).

The More I See Of Men - Lynn Hall. 1992. Reading all her books is #1 on my literary bucket list. I’ve long been intrigued by this one ever since Lynn referenced it in an interview, so I finally bit the bullet and bought a copy when I found one for $5 (and, in a shocking turn of events, actually read it immediately).

Small Game - Blair Braverman. 2022. Does everyone in the world know yet how I fooled myself into believing this would be like the TV show Siberia??

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Tuesday Mooney Talks to Ghosts - Kate Racculia. 2019. Small Game failed me, so I desperately went fishing on my TBR for a pick-me-up and decided a treasure / scavenger hunt with riddles would be a good consolation prize.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Dragon Keeper - Mindy Mejia. 2012. I liked a previous book of hers and loved the idea of a zookeeper character, with a focus on her zoo charge. Bought cheap at a book sale since library didn’t have it, and read it ASAP to send it back out the door.

A Shroud of Leaves - Rebecca Alexander. 2019. A Baby's Bones - Rebecca Alexander. 2018. The cover and title pulled me in, not least because season 1 of Bedlam ended on a cliffhanger that made me desperate to read a proper British crime novel about missing girls. Who knew I would find one at the dollar store?? Anyway, the book was so awesome that I went back to the first one at the library ASAP.

In A Cottage In A Wood - Cass Green. 2017. Riding high on British thrillers, this was for sale at the library and I jumped on it because “you randomly inherit a house” is always a plot favorite. Bonus points if it’s apparently creepy.

The Doll's House - M. J. Arlidge. 2015. Still on the British thriller theme of missing girls, this time looking for an audiobook -- and I’m always extra-intrigued by The Collector-type scenarios. (I was not aware it was part of a series until after I started)

How I heard of it: Libby

Vanishing Edge - Claire Kells. 2021. An Unforgiving Place - Claire Kells. 2022. Hiking inspiration (national parks) AND an investigative mystery? The first one was so good that I devoured the sequel as soon as it was available.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Escape Room - Megan Goldin. 2019. Found a cheap audiobook at a library sale, am down for escape room thrillers

How I heard of it: used book sale

Lease on Love - Falon Ballard. 2022. It popped up on the library homepage and immediately looked like it might be one of those sweet romances (or at least have the sweet love interest) I’ve been craving. Plus real estate porn from getting to live in a brownstone for practically nothing. (I didn’t factor in there being actual porn, but regrettably...)

The Cottage on Wildflower Lane - Liz Davies. 2020. Available audiobook, cute cover, sweet romance, soothing British narrator.

How I heard of it: Libby

Three Story House - Courtney Miller Santo. 2014. Who am I to turn down stories about women fixing up old houses??

How I heard of it: library

The Night She Disappeared - Lisa Jewell. 2021. Anyway, back to British thrillers about missing girls. (But also, I know this is a popular author, and the phrase “abandoned mansion” IMMEDIATELY sold me as the one to start on from her)

How I heard of it: Libby, I think?

Dead Lake - Darcy Coates. 2020. The Folsom Ghosts was actually the book that caught my eye on the library website; it looked like everything I like in horror. When I got to the library and found a whole SHELF of identically appealing books, I checked out half a dozen and intended to read them all, but randomly started here. And then I just...didn’t read any others, it was too good.

Check Me Out - Becca Wilhite. 2018. Bought at a book sale a while ago, because G-rated romance featuring a librarian.

Good Omens - Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman. 1990. Reread via the new full cast audiobook (listened on Libby), which was the dream/what I wanted the first time around in 2020.

(I forgot to include a pic of this one, whoops)

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CATEGORY TWO: YOUNG ADULT

(again in two parts)

99 Lies - Rachel Vincent. 2018. Sequel to (more accurately “the second half of”) a fantastic thriller I read in December.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Eden Summer - Liz Flanagan. 2016. Bought cheap at a book sale because cool title and cover, plus curiosity about what had happened to her missing best friend.

Spellbook of the Lost and Found - Moira Fowley-Doyle. 2017. In search of an available audiobook, I thought the Irish-accented narrators would be cool, not least because I had looked with interest at this beautiful cover for years at the library and only been put off by the “fantasy” sticker on the spine. This time I actually read the summary, and it sounded a lot more realistic.

The Runaway's Diary - Marilyn Harris. 1971. Intrigued by the publication year + dog + journal format. First came across it on Goodreads in a “what’s that book?” post; was in the mood to order from Interlibrary Loan.

The Rules - Nancy Holder & Debbie Viguie. 2015. Love me a creative serial killer Spooky Book in February.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Children of the River - Linda Crewe. 1989. Reminded of its existence by Speaking For Ourselves and was frankly stunned to see the library still had a 90s copy in circulation, so I took the opportunity to reread a book I’d liked in high school.

In Summer Light - Zibby Oneal. 1985. Read about it in Speaking For Ourselves, Too; was intrigued by the setting and the focus on art. Lucked out this year finding a copy for sale at the library.

The Golden Window - Ernie Rydberg. 1956. Tripped over it in an antiquarian bookstore on clearance; it seemed like a very darling, nostalgic look at college.

Pretty Bad Things - C.J. Skuse. 2010. Cover model looked like Melissa Benoist and I was under the impression (until I started) that the twins were both girls. Read now because I could -- after 2 years on my TBR I saw the audiobook on Libby (the library doesn’t have a print version).

How I heard of it: Goodreads

A Good Girl's Guide to Murder - Holly Jackson. 2020 (US edition). Good Girl, Bad Blood - Holly Jackson. 2021. As Good As Dead - Holly Jackson. 2022. I finally succumbed to the hype, mostly for the promise of some unusual formatting / mixed media, and had such a good time that I finished the trilogy in quick succession.

How I heard of it: book blogs

The Mall - Megan McCafferty. 2020. Fun cover design/colors + I love malls. And the 90s.

How I heard of it: a book blog

What Waits in the Water - Kieran Scott. 2017. Picked up in a Little Free Library & read immediately because I liked her previous What Waits book.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Three Desperate Days - Hope Dahle Jordan. 1962. Vintage teen thriller! With a road trip twist.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Lies Like Wildfire - Jennifer Lynn Alvarez. 2021. Wildfire + teen thriller/suspense/mystery = sold.

How I heard of it: library

There You'll Find Me - Jenny B. Jones. 2011. Loved the movie (Finding You), wanted to immediately revisit it in book form.

How I heard of it: I do remember it from the library when it was new

Sisters In Sanity - Gayle Forman. 2007. I like this author and was surprised to see the library had such an old book (old by the library’s standards, not mine). Plus I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of middle-of-nowhere reform camps for uncontrollable teens, ever since I read an article about one in a teen magazine when I was a teen -- not the one this author apparently wrote before writing her book, but very similar.

How I heard of it: library

The Dead House - Dawn Kurtagich. 2015. + Dead House: Naida (not pictured) I was at the library to pick up the book below, when I saw this next to it with a more alluring title/cover/premise and – oh, is that COOL MIXED-MEDIA FORMATTING?? Sold! (then I read the sequel novella on Libby because I Just Can’t Get Enough.)

And The Trees Crept In - Dawn Kurtagich. 2016. Read a post about it on r/whatsthatbook; it sounded so awesomely spooky that I wanted to read it even after being spoiled on the ending.

The Summer of Chasing Mermaids - Sarah Ockler. 2015. Beautiful cover/cover model (the girl, at least); between that and the setting it seemed like a perfect summer read.

How I heard of it: Library

The Evolution of Claire - Tess Sharpe. 2018. In which after losing my mind about Jurassic World: Dominion, I learn that there is officially licensed YA fanfic about Claire Dearing and immediately pterodactyl-screech “GIVE IT 2 ME!”

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Never Coming Home - Kate Williams. 2022. I will apparently read infinity versions of social media influencers being lured to deserted tropical islands for creative and vengeful Murder Reasons.

How I heard of it: library

Hold Still - Nina LaCour. 2009. Continuing last year’s quest to finish reading her YA novels, I decided I wanted to go back and reread this one before my last new one, mostly because there was an audiobook version this time.

How I heard of it: library

Gap Life - John Coy. 2016. Always interested in post-high-school paths that aren’t college.

How I heard of it: library

Property of the State - Bill Cameron. 2016. Always interested in foster-kid stories.

How I heard of it: library

Damselfly - Chandra Prasad. 2018. *New York “Beyonce?” face* MIXED GENDER LORD OF THE FLIES??? (one of the few assigned classics I genuinely enjoyed in high school)

How I heard of it: library

We Are Okay - Nina LaCour. 2017. Working my way through all her books; specifically interested in the idea of best friends reuniting after months of silence (as a person who remained solitary and had minimal contact with her own best friend during the first semester of college).

Rural Voices: 15 Authors Challenge Assumptions About Small-Town America [stories] - ed. Nora Shalway Carpenter. 2020. Interested on sight in the promised settings of small/rural towns.

How I heard of it: Barnes & Noble

Secret Scribbled Notebooks - Joanne Horniman. 2004. The most alluring title in the history of ever. I wanted a peek at what she scribbled in the notebooks, perhaps for notebook-using inspiration of my own.

How I heard of it: OpenLibrary

Meet The Sky - McCall Hoyle. 2018. Natural disaster survival + lost horse?? Two of my favorite things.

How I heard of it: library

Solace of the Road - Siobhan Dowd. 2009. Reread of a book I didn’t remember well because available audiobook + pleasing Irish narrator I figured would lull me to sleep.

How I heard of it: library

This Is Our Story - Ashley Elston. 2016. I keep wanting to read one of hers, and murder mysteries are always fun.

How I heard of it: library

The Tenth Girl - Sara Faring. 2019. IT LOOKED SO SPOOK (plus how often do you find a story set in Patagonia?)

How I heard of it: Barnes & Noble

The Small Crimes of Tiffany Templeton - Richard Fifeld. 2020. Mostly the pretty colors in the cover (see: The Mall) and irresistibly cool title; a little bit because “small town in Montana” setting.

How I heard of it: library

Holly Jolly Summer - Tiffany Stewart. 2018. Bought cheap because cute cover + working at a theme park?? As unusual a theme for YA as the idea of a Christmas-themed town. (Read now because I needed a summery read to match the Indian summer weather.)

How I heard of it: the used book section of my Barnes & Noble

Full Flight - Ashley Schumacher. 2022. Loved her first book, ready to be heart-hurt again.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Not In The Script - Amy Finnegan. 2014. Randomly browsing at the library and saw...cute romance on a TV show set? I love that.

Drop-Out - Jeannette Eyerly. 1963. Been meaning to read one of hers, this one was on OpenLibrary and I always like mid-century stories about teens getting (or in this case trying to get) married.

How I heard of it: yet another Speaking For Ourselves find. :)

Out of Reach - Carrie Arcos. 2012. Bought on BookOutlet because I thought it was on my TBR (and it wasn’t at my local library), but it wasn’t there when I looked?? Maybe it was at one point and I deleted it. Anyway, still read it because kind of interested in the story of a girl looking for her runaway drug-addict brother on the streets. Also, pretty cover.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Distance Between Lost and Found - Kathryn Holmes. 2015. It’s not the right time of year for hiking inspiration, but I didn’t hike much this year after July anyway so I randomly decided I wanted to read about it regardless.

How I heard of it: library

I Am Princess X - Cherie Priest. 2015. Read a post about it on r/whatsthatbook and was intrigued by: the mystery premise, best friends, and curiosity about how the graphic novel panels would be incorporated.

This Is Not A Love Letter - Kim Purcell. 2018. Loved her first book, have long been interested in the setting of this one while leery of a lecture on racism, but to be honest? I can’t say why without spoilers, but the reason I finally read it is that I vaguely remember hearing how this one ended, and I needed a fictional way to process a similar scenario I’d just heard in celebrity news.

How I heard of it: library

Rain Is Not My Indian Name - Cynthia Leitich Smith. 2001. I’ve known about this semi-classic for a while and have been vaguely interested in reading it as an early Native American #OwnVoices; someone bought it out from under me at a book sale, but luckily Libby had an audiobook!

(side note: I am stubbornly keeping this in YA where it was originally shelved at the library, even if they’ve kicked it to middle grade now. Which is fair since it’s short and she’s 14, the Border Age, but I really dislike the more childish new cover image.)

How I heard of it: I don’t actually remember! I may have seen it at the library back in the day, or maybe I read about it in a book about teen books.

All American Boys - Jason Reynolds & Brendan Kiely. 2015. I don’t read a lot about racism or social (in)justice, but something about this one seemed like it would be unusually accessible. I found a copy in a little free library over the summer, finally remembered I had it while cleaning out the car, and just randomly read it.

How I heard of it: Half Price Books

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CATEGORY THREE: CHILDREN’S/MIDDLE GRADE

Ghetto Cowboy - G. Neri. 2011. I’ve always been vaguely interested because of the horse aspect, but I finally made the effort in order to have an idea of the story before watching the movie based on it.

How I heard of it: library

The Tiny Mansion - Keir Graff. 2020. I put ‘mansion’ into the library catalog keywords because of my general interest in those kinds of settings, but I was equally thrilled to find something unique: a middle grade story about a tiny house?? In a forest setting?? YEAH

How I heard of it: library

Bearstone - Will Hobbs. 1989. Reread of a middle school favorite when I saw there was an audiobook.

The Door in the Wall - Marguerite de Angeli. 1949. Reread of a middle school assignment I’d forgotten I ever read (and barely remembered) when I saw there was an audiobook.

Operation Red Jericho - Joshua Mowll. 2005. Operation Typhoon Shore - Joshua Mowll. 2006. Operation Storm City - Joshua Mowll. 2008.

I read about the first book on r/whatsthatbook and it sounded like it had the coolest art design ever. It did. Even though I didn’t love the actual stories, I had to finish the trilogy just so I had enough context to keep fully enjoying it.

The Secret of Blandford Hall - Margaret Crary. 1963. It was mostly the map of the 4-acre estate in the front that sold me on this quick-n-easy vintage kids’ mystery, tbh. Literally, sold; I paid $4 since library didn’t have it.

How I heard of it: antique store

Bonny's Boy Returns - F.E. Rechnitzer. 1953. Sequel to a dog book I loved.

How I heard of it: bookfinder.com

Breathing Room - Marsha Hayles. 2012. I haven’t read a lot of books about patients this young being treated for tuberculosis in sanitariums. The local MN setting doubled my interest in this one.

How I heard of it: library

You May Already Be A Winner - Ann Dee Ellis. 2017. Bought for $1 mostly due to the very cute cover + trailer park setting.

How I heard of it: dollar store

Maisie Lockwood Adventures #1: Off the Grid - Tess Sharpe. 2022. In which I lose my mind about the found family in Jurassic World: Dominion, go home intending to google for middle grade novels with this exact family dynamic, learn that licensed fanfiction about this actual family already exists, and immediately pterodactyl-screech “GIVE IT 2 ME!”

How I heard of it: Goodreads

A Patron Saint for Junior Bridesmaids - Shelley Tougas. 2016. Bought cheap because cute cover and title with a local setting; I was curious how she would navigate bridesmaid duties as a 12-year-old.

How I heard of it: used book section of my Barnes & Noble

Water Balloon - Audrey Vernick. 2011. 99% because of the summery cover, 1% because she sounded relatable in being left behind by her friends for not maturing fast enough.

How I heard of it: a book blog

Meant to Be - Jo Knowles. 2022. Sequel to a book I didn’t love, but liked enough to want the full story.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Birdie's Billions - Edith Cohn. 2021. Fantasizing about what I’d do if I found a bunch of money is second only to talking about books in terms of my favorite hobbies. A Goodreads friend read this and I literally went to the library the next day to check it out so I could have full context for deciding what I would do as her.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

All The Things You Are - Courtney Sheinmel. 2011. Found for $1 -- I like this author so I’ll give most any standalone she writes a shot.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Echo Park Castaways - M.G. Hennessey. 2019. Cool cover + foster kids.

How I heard of it: used book sale

When I Hit the Road - Nancy J. Cavanaugh. 2020. I love road trip books!

How I heard of it: Goodreads

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CATEGORY FOUR: NONFICTION

Living Simply: A Teen Guide to Minimalism - Sally McGraw. 2019. It was slender and brightly colored and I thought it would be fun to fantasize for a bit that I was a teen again, with only one bedroom’s worth of possessions to sort.

How I heard of it: library

Deep in the Heart of Texas: Reflections of Former Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders - Suzette, Stephanie and Sheri Scholz. 1991.

Obsession with the DCC reality show = time to look for books about cheerleaders’ time there. There didn’t seem to be any from the modern era, so this was as close as I could get to actually hearing about the practices, appearances, etc. (also, someone said it was soapy/scandalous)

How I heard of it: googling keywords

All the Way Home: Building a Family in a Falling-Down House - David Giffels. 2008.

I will read any memoir you have about fixing up a big ol’ historic house.

How I heard of it: library

Speaking For Ourselves - ed. David Gallo. 1990. Loved the second volume when I read it last year, finally realized I could get this one through Interlibrary Loan as well. Tell me about prolific authors of teen books and their work from my favorite era of teen lit!

How I heard of it: OpenLibrary

Things I Should Have Said - Jamie Lynn Spears. 2022. Honestly, I’ve always found her more appealing than her sister, and the world’s Absurd Hatred of this book for daring to exist made me extra-curious about it (and desirous of helping its Goodreads rating), so reading it ASAP became a priority.

How I heard of it: ONTD

Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It? - Kim & Penn Holderness. 2021. See “teams I fell in love with on The Amazing Race.” I loved their podcasts about it so I started watching their YouTube videos, found out about this audiobook and was like, “A PODCAST I CAN COUNT ON MY READING LIST??”

How I heard of it: YouTube

UnSweetined - Jodie Sweetin. 2009. I re-fell in love with her on Beyond the Edge, needed more of her ASAP and then vaguely remembered she had written a memoir.

How I heard of it: just...random celebrity news sites back in the day before I was on ONTD regularly

We Are the Baby-Sitters Club: Essays and Artwork from Grown-Up Readers - ed. Marisa Crawford & Megan Milks. 2021.

I was also the BSC!

How I heard of it: Goodreads

I Want To Be Where the Normal People Are - Rachel Bloom. 2020. It was at the library and I was juuuust curious enough to check for some Crazy Ex-Girlfriend stories.

How I heard of it: ONTD

Made From Scratch: Discovering the Simple Pleasures of a Handmade Life - Jenna Woginrich. 2008. I was browsing through old reading lists and remembered how much I liked this one. I wanted to read one of her more recent memoirs, and was bummed to find the library didn’t have any of them – but they still had this one! So I checked it out intending to just skim through it, and ended up rereading cover to cover because fascinating info.

How I heard of it: library

Funny Farm: My Unexpected Life With 600 Rescue Animals - Laurie Zaleski. 2021. Rescue animals!!! At an animal rescue!

How I heard of it: Goodreads (but my dad independently recommended it as well; both my parents liked it actually)

The Horseman's Companion - Margaret Cabell Self. 1949. An old horse book with a cover illustrated by Wesley Dennis, written in an appealing writing style (basically storytelling)? SOLD.

How I heard of it: used book sale

O.C. Undercover - Brittany Kent. 2004. I love The O.C. and I will read any ridiculous books you have about it.

How I heard of it: used book sale

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And that’s it; hope you have enjoyed this special 6-months-late edition of the traditional post.

#peek into the mind of a mood reader!#why i read #when ya don't feel like reading books sometimes you talk about books a lot instead

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