#The Tuna-Melt Verse

[wonderlandleighleigh]

9 for the song ask game please!

She doesn't spend a lot of time in Gotham. Their lives are so firmly in DC these days that she doesn't think about it too, too much.

But Jason is from here. Is a born and bread Gothamite, and if questioned, he will never let you forget it.

They're here for a big charity event Bruce is holding. Something about building a new wing for the orphanage his mother started when Bruce was very little, and the man has done his damndest to keep it running smoothly; ethically.

But first, a pit stop.

It's not the type of graveyard Maggie is used to. Mostly, she inhabits well-kept, overly manicured military cemeteries, visiting with her father when he decides to go pay his respects.

This place is a little more like something out of a horror movie. The trees are overgrown, and the grass needs to be cut. Moss grows on some of the headstones. There's certainly a groundskeeper, but it seems like he doesn't do the upkeep as much as he maybe should.

"It's not a big deal," Jason shrugs as they walk. "All the tenants are dead, it's not like they notice."

She wants to argue that the upkeep is for the living who come to visit. To know that their passed loved ones' memorials are being cared for, but these kinds of debates never really go much of anywhere with him. He'll just shrug, tell her it isn't a big deal and move on.

They get to a small headstone and stand before it. It just reads Catherine Todd. No dates. No inscription. just the name.

"Beloved mother," Jason fills in, with a slight grin. "Terrible knitter. Worse cook."

"Good mom?" Maggie offers gently.

"The Miss Congeniality of moms," he tells her, before kneeling down and settling a bouquet of flowers on the grave. "She tried, though. She really did."

Maggie reaches down and strokes his hair gently. "When did you forgive her?" she asks.

He thinks about that for a long, quiet moment before getting to his feet and taking her hand. "I don't know. Somewhere along the way. Maybe after I left Gotham for DC. I didn't really notice that I had, until I started thinking about her again, but...yeah. Somewhere in there, I wasn't angry at her anymore."

Maggie nods and leans up to kiss his cheek. "You have dirt on your slacks. Bruce is going to notice."

"I'm a Robin," he reminds her with a chuckle as they head out. "If I didn't arrive to a party a little a little trashy he'd worry."

[quibbs126]

I had an epiphany earlier today for a name for a Timekeeper/Black Pearl kid (it’s one of my requests): Tuna Melt Cookie

Because mermaids are fish people and Timekeeper was originally Croissant, which is kind of like bread

But at the same time, I feel like the name’s a bit too…normal. Like this kid is the child of two Legendaries, and they’re supposed to have incredible power like them, so I feel like the name should be more Legendary sounding. It just sounds like a normal cookie name. Also I’m not sure Black Pearl would name her kid that. Timekeeper might though. And also I think the name really works (and the only other idea I really have is Golden Pearl, which eh)

I dunno, what do you guys think? Should I go with Tuna Melt?

[themonotonysyndrome]

REDACTED verse - Aggro makes everything better

Prompt: Any Fandom | Any Characters/Pairings | Taking a nap together on the couch

Word Count: 1,016

Author/Team: LadyMonotone

Fandom/Original: Redacted ASMR (Milo/Sweetheart with Aggro as a special cameo!) 

Rating: G

Triggers: NA

Summary: After a long day at work, what better way to unwind by cuddling with your pet cat? Oh, Milo can join too, Sweetheart's supposed. 

ConCrit: Y

Darling's oneshot was a little heavy on the angst, so I want to focus on writing something light and fluffy for this round! 

-

"Milo? I'm home!"

Sweetheart returns home when the late afternoon sun paints the dark aqua walls of the living room with a warm, orange tinge. As they closed the door behind them, the noises and chatters of the outside world tapered off. 

The silence of the apartment greets Sweetheart. 

"Huh. Guess Milo is still at work." Sweetheart murmurs and throws their keys into the bowl on top of the shoe racks before switching on the lights. 

Dahlia has been getting colder lately; time has moved them all into another season, Autumn. It might have taken another step into the future, but Sweetheart can't help feel as if they continue to remain in the past. 

Sweetheart idly putters around the apartment to let their thoughts run before texting Milo to let him know that they're home. 

So many things have happened in just half a year. 

After that whole ordeal with the Shade, Sweetheart's life intermingled with Milo until they became lovers, and it wasn't long before they moved in together. 

Sweetheart never thought domestic bliss suited them well. 

Meeting the Shaw Pack as well as the Mates of said Pack members had been an incredible experience. The Mates were very welcoming; especially Angel and Babe. They endeared themselves to Sweetheart very easily and quickly. 

So whenever their boys are having their Pack meeting, Angel would gather the Mates to the patio while Babe quickly whips up pots of tea, coffee and snacks for them to enjoy. 

During this little get-together, Sweetheart (and sometimes Sam) would be the star of the conversation. Since Angel and Babe are Non-Empowered humans, they love listening to Sweetheart's stories and adventures as a Magical Investigator of the Department. 

They're charming and kind people. The ones Sweetheart are grateful to have as friends. 

A low, sweet 'mreep' startle Sweetheart's musing; They blink and glance down on the floor. In the midst of wiping the dining table and kitchen counters, Aggro made himself known by weaving in between Sweetheart's long legs. Sweetheart smiles fondly when his tail wraps itself around their left leg. 

"Hey there, handsome. Are you hungry?" They coo at Milo's furbaby. 

Aggro meows loudly in confirmation before rushing towards his food and water bowls. When Sweetheart is too slow for his liking, he expectantly looks back and meow once more. 

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Sweetheart assures the cat and grab some cans of wet tuna from the upper cupboard. They crack the cans open and dump them all into the food bowl. 

Without any seconds to waste, Aggro dive in. For an elderly cat, he sure has an active appetite. 

And so, while Aggro is happily munching on his dinner, Sweetheart fills his near-empty bowl of water and finish up cleaning the rest of the kitchen. What should they have for dinner, they wondered. They got enough ingredients in the fridge to cook stir-fry noodles with veggies for four servings but would Milo be in a mood for something home cook? 

Today is their date night, but he might be running a little late to head out to their usual bistro. What with the preparations for the E&E Games and all. 

"I should probably text him if he has any plans tonight..." Sweetheart decided. They pad into the living room to wind down on the couch. 

The moment they sink into the couch, Aggro runs towards Sweetheart and jumps onto the couch too. Sweetheart giggles when the cat tentatively climbs onto their chest and settle himself comfortably on Sweetheart's stomach. 

"Will you hang out with me, Aggro?" Sweetheart asks while petting Aggro's head, their smile widens when the cat leans into their warm touch. Aggro slowly blink his eyes at Sweetheart and trills, much to their delight. Their voice drops to baby talk as they scratch underneath Aggro's chin. "You will!? Milo might call me his Sweetheart, but you're definitely mine, Aggro. Aww, who's a good kitty? You are, handsome!"

Cuddling with Aggro on the couch after a long day of work melts the tension and stress on Sweetheart's shoulders like butter in the middle of Summer. It helps that Aggro is such an even-tempered cat too. Some pets near the butt and a few rubs on his head make Aggro one happy Ragdoll. 

It's only when Aggro starts to yawn and curl himself into a loaf that Sweetheart begin to feel sleepy too. 

So after shooting a quick text to Milo, Sweetheart cuddles with Aggro a bit longer before sleep claims them both. 

After a whole afternoon napping with Aggro, Sweetheart wakes up to a gentle shake on their arm and an exhausted yet happy Milo leaning over them. "Hey, Sweetheart. Aggro keeping you company, huh?"

Said cat's ears and tail flickers in response but otherwise remain as a loaf of bread on Sweetheart's stomach. 

"Welcome home, Milo." Sweetheart sleepily greets Milo. When he leans closer for a kiss, they oblige him. 

"Thanks, Sweetheart." Milo's heart jumps, seeing how both his Mate and cat are so comfortable together. It's a wholesome sight to return home to. "Got your message a while back. Do you think you're still up to have our date night, or do you want to take a rain check?"

Sweetheart ponders for a moment. "I'm good. Give me a few hours to get change, and we can go." Sweetheart replies with a big yawn.

It isn't difficult for Milo to assume that his Mate had a long day. So an idea suddenly comes to him. "Scoot over. I want to join in on this cuddle session too."

While Sweetheart does as Milo requested, Aggro protests. He jumps away from them when Milo lies down on the couch beside his Mate; it's a tight fit, but they manage. Especially after he wraps his arms around Sweetheart and pulls them close to his chest. 

"We still got some time before the dinner rush sets in the bistro," Milo explains as they snuggle; he loves when Sweetheart starts to hum in content. "We can nap for half an hour, and then it's date night, OK?"

"Sounds like a plan."

[guard-dogbiscuits]

"Takes a lot to culinarily offend me, but i went grocery shopping the other day and i was greeted by an atrocity called spaghetti-o's." (from modern verse orsino @the-red-and-the-scornful. Bold of u to assume he didn't dump half a jar of mayo in a can of spaggheti-o's and ate it without even heating it up. )

After an especially long night, spent trailing a blood-diamond smuggler all the way from Johannesburg to the Manhattan HFC, Samson walked into the barebones studio apartment he kept in New York. He was not surprised to find Orsino there. It seemed as though the man spent more time there than Samson himself, but that part was all right. He was glad to have someone keeping tabs on the place.

However, after Orsino's presence, the next thing he'd noticed was the half-empty mayo jar sitting on the counter. Gods only knew how long it had been there. Sighing, he tossed it in the trash. No tuna melts for supper tonight...

"Do I just need to stop buying mayonnaise? You do know I have tomato sauce and tomato paste in the cupboard, right? Or are those atrocities too?"

[ibis-gt]

🎤 🍿For Luther and Cam (in the AU of ur choosing!)

And 🎁 for Hickory Hugh!

gonna do og verse for them!

luther's hobbies include baking, singing off key, collecting teeth and other small oddities, reading trashy romance novels, and performing risky activities (teasing a giant shark man, trying to sail a boat with zero prior experience in a storm, mumblety peg). his favorite snack is freshly baked bread with warm melted cheese.

cam's hobbies include shrinking down real small and hiding in tide pools then growing real large again to scare people, chasing dolphins, lazing around, collecting fun things that fall off of ships, and messing with luther. his favorite snack is tuna.

hickory hugh really wants a pet tiny horse! he's seen a lot of giant horses but hasn't seen too many tiny horses. he promises he would take it for walks and feed it and clean up after it and take full responsibility for it.

[genvieve-of-the-wood]

Dry Cleaning Ticket Becomes Instantaneously Relatable

What I left behind

was found on

a table

in a pretty good deli

by an enterprising, but

shiftless poet.

The paper read:

“2 shirts, wine stained

1 pair of pants, linen

1 coat, suede

Special instructions:

Club soda used on shirts,

so stains are light pink.

Can you remove them?”

It was on carbon paper,

with a business logo

and address at the top.

This sluggish sometime

writer wrote what was

on the paper,

using typewriter font,

and put a pic of a red wine

glass falling off a table.

The only words that were added

were at the end:

“...remove them

from my soul?”

It was uploaded

by the time this shortcut

artist finished

going to the bathroom,

to their social media

platform.

They had, within

12 hours,

caused the internet

to shut down briefly.

Within 24 hours,

a book deal was made.

In the next three days,

nominations for several

literary awards.

A streaming service

began writing a mini series

by the end of the week.

By the time

I finally read the notorious

verse,

it was too late.

I knew plagiarism had taken

place.

This poet had a persona,

a marketing team,

a public relations firm,

and their lawyers.

All within one month.

I left all that behind,

apparently,

at a deli counter

next to my mostly eaten

tuna melt and neglected

pickle spear.

It did not last,

however.

An edgy, but lax

writer soon replaced

the other

infamously

by posting

several lyrics from an

obscure, late 70’s

punk album

and directions on

the back of a shampoo bottle.

I left all that behind

when I decided

to have the insane

idea

of using my own words.

@genvieve-of-the-wood December 11, 2018

[klaineanummel]

flirt

Blaine finds the guy flirting with him hilarious. Cooper does not.

Written for an anonymous prompter over here, who prompted “ Kurt and Blaine going out with their friends, having a good time, maybe someone flirts with one of them and Cooper freaks out because of it :p?” 

As per usual I am terrible at filling prompts the way the person probably wanted them, so this is mainly just the last part, but it was still so fun to write!

I want to make a small announcement, which is that I think this verse is winding down. I have three other fics I’ve written for it that I need to edit and will hopefully publish soon, and one more fic I hope to write, and after that I think it will be complete. So, while I don’t want to say “no more prompts”, I do want to warn that any prompts received from here on out may not be filled. Sorry!!  

Hope you all enjoy <3

Read on AO3 |   Story of My Life masterpost

September 14th, 2024

The Spotlight Diner is buzzing as Blaine walks in. Almost every table is full, and there’s at least a dozen waiters and waitresses running around with plates of food and trays full of drinks.

He catches sight of Cooper sitting in a booth typing something on his phone. Blaine heads his way instantly, slipping into the booth, across from Cooper. Cooper doesn’t raise his eyes from his phone, and so Blaine decides to pick up one of the two menus on the edge of table, even if he already knows what he wants.

Cooper finally finishes up a few seconds later, setting his phone down and looking up at Blaine. “Hey,” he greets, flashing a quick smile. He then glances behind him and asks, “No Kurt?”

Blaine shakes his head. “Not yet,” he says, placing the menu back where he found it. Cooper raises an eyebrow, and Blaine can see the corners of his lips turning up. “Don’t look so happy,” Blaine says, rolling his eyes. “He just had to stay late for work. You know, some people work on Monday’s.”

“Yeah, but those people have the weekend off, so I don’t feel sorry for them,” Cooper snarks back. “Also, I take offense to the assumption that I’m happy that Kurt isn’t here. He’s my best friend.”

“Oh, whatever,” Blaine says. “You’re acting like you haven’t been complaining to me for the past few months about how you and I never get to spend any time together anymore. As if you didn’t completely disappear into a love hole when you and Rachel finally got together.”

“It’s not a crime to miss my brother,” Cooper sing-songs, then raises a hand to the nearest waiter.

Blaine just rolls his eyes, knowing this isn’t a fight he’s going to win. Cooper has been really weird ever since he and Kurt started dating, and while Blaine completely understands, he also wishes that Cooper would hurry up and realize that he and Kurt are in it for the long haul. At least he’s gone from outright hostility to a weird form of passive-aggressiveness. Blaine thinks that’s a good sign.

“Hey, Cooper!” the waiter greets when he reaches the table. “Nice to see you again!” The man reaches his hands up to smooth down his hair, which makes Blaine chuckle. Back when Cooper was the manager here, he was known to be a stickler for hygiene and appearance.

“Hey, Chad,” Cooper replies, sitting up a little straighter. “Things been going good?”

“Can’t complain, can’t complain,” the waiter says. His eyes flick over to Blaine, and his smile turns into a grin. “Hi there,” he greets, voice significantly chirpier. “I’m Chad, your waiter for tonight.”

Blaine nods, trying not to laugh. “I’m Blaine, Cooper’s brother.”

“Right, right, I knew you looked familiar. I’ve totally seen you in here before, haven’t I?”

“Probably,” Blaine replies easily. “My boyfriend and I are really good friends with Sam and Mercedes, so we usually have date night here.”

“Wow, date night at a diner,” Chad’s eyes widen, and his voice dips a little. “Super romantic.”

Blaine just smiles, not sure that he will be able to reply without laughing in this guys’ face, and then says, “Can I get the tuna melt on rye, please? With a Diet Coke on the side?” Thinking for a second, he decides, “Actually, make that two Diet Coke’s and a plate of cheese fries as well.” Kurt’s been texting him all day about what a mess things are at work, and Blaine knows him well enough to know what he’ll be in the mood for when he arrives.

“For sure,” the waiter writes it down quickly. “Excellent choices, by the way. I can tell you have fantastic taste.” He then leans a little closer, and this time it takes all Blaine has not to burst out laughing at his audacity. “Unlike this guy, am I right?” he jabs his thumb at Cooper, as though they’re in on some inside joke. “I bet I can guess what he’s going to order!”

“Yeah, whatever,” Cooper says back. “Just make sure my burger is well done, okay?”

“You got it, boss,” Chad gives Cooper a mock military salute, then winks at Blaine and heads toward the kitchen.

Blaine shakes his head as he goes, finally allowing himself to let out a soft chuckle.

“Sheesh, what was with that guy?” Cooper asks, and Blaine looks up to see him glaring at Chad’s back. “I always knew he wasn’t the subtlest of guys, but jeez.”

“It’s fine, Cooper,” Blaine replies. “I actually thought it was kind of funny.”

“Funny? The way he just blatantly hit on you after you specifically said you had a boyfriend?” Cooper turns back to Blaine, brow furrowed deeply. “It’s just rude.”

“It’s hilarious,” Blaine says, unable to hold back a chuckle. “Come on, you have to admit it’s funny that he thinks any of that ridiculous nonsense will have an effect on my relationship with Kurt.”

“We’ll agree to disagree,” Cooper says, crossing his arms over his chest.

Thankfully, the conversation turns to something a little more pleasant after that. Cooper wants to know everything about the transition from off-Broadway to Broadway, which Blaine finds hilarious since Cooper’s wife has gone through that exact process already. Then, Blaine asks Cooper about his show, which leads into a ridiculously long monologue about how he’s having the time of his life, but it’s really not the same since Rachel left to star in the revival of Wicked.

“Yeah, it must be hard not to see her twenty-four hours a day,” Blaine says, letting the words drip off his tongue slowly.

Cooper rolls his eyes, and says, “You know what, smartass, it is.”

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” comes Kurt’s voice, and Blaine begins to slide further into the booth as he turns up to see his boyfriend. “Things were absolutely nuts today,” he slips in next to Blaine, greeting him with a quick peck on the lips. “Did you order already?”

Blaine nods. “I got you cheese fries.”

“God, I love you,” Kurt replies, pulling Blaine in for a deeper kiss. Blaine lets himself fall into it for a bit, but pulls away when he feels Kurt’s hands on his face and Kurt’s tongue licking at his lips.

“Not here,” he whispers, glancing furtively at Cooper, who has averted his eyes in the most conspicuous way possible.

“Sorry,” Kurt says, wiping over his mouth. “Today was really, really rough.”

“Alright!” a far too eager voice sounds, and Blaine turns to see Chad at their table once again, carrying three glasses. “Two Diet Cokes for the man with incredible taste, and a vanilla milkshake for the man with none.” He doesn’t seem to realize that Kurt is there until he’s literally placing the drinks in front of him. He looks surprised for a second, then says, “You weren’t here before, were you?”

“Ah, no I was not,” Kurt says, glancing over at Blaine questioningly. Blaine just rolls his eyes, so Kurt says. “But I’m assuming one of those Diet Coke’s is for me.”

Chad’s eyes widen, then he looks to Blaine and asks, “Is this the boyfriend?”

Blaine nods, wrapping an arm around Kurt’s waist. “The one and only,” he says, grin threatening to break free.

“Oh, well I really wish you would have told me. I would have spat in his,” he whispers the second part, winking way-too-obviously at Blaine, and Kurt snorts into his hand. “Nothing to be done now!” he flounces away once again, though he does wiggle his fingers in Blaine’s direction as he goes.

As soon as he’s out of sight Kurt bursts out laughing. “Oh, my god!”

“I know,” Blaine says, giggling as well. “Can you believe that guy?”

“Did he really think that would work?” Kurt says between laughs. “Telling you he would have spat in my drink? Oh, waiter-man, just take me now!” He pretends to swoon, and Blaine laughs even harder.

“So inappropriate,” Cooper grumbles, and Blaine just shakes his head.

“Cooper, I told you, it’s fine!”

“And how are you okay with this?” Cooper gestures wildly at Kurt. “You know Chad was in a frat, right?”

“Oh, color me terrified,” Kurt shakes his shoulders in a mock-shiver, then chuckles. “Cooper, it’s fine. It’s funny!”

“I wouldn’t think it was so funny if some muscle-head was flirting so obviously with Rachel.”

“Are you seriously telling me you would feel threatened by that?” Kurt asks, still laughing a little. “Cooper, the guy has zero game.”

“So, so little game,” Blaine shakes his head. “I kind of want to ask him if this technique has ever worked for him before.”

“I kind of want to ask him to leave my little brother alone before I punch his teeth in.”

“Whoa, Cooper!” Kurt says, raising his hands. “Seriously, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not!” Cooper says. “Blaine is your boyfriend, how are you so cavalier about this?”

“Well, largely because of what I said about the no game, but also because I trust Blaine. And he trusts me. You think this is the first time that someone has flirted with one of us right in front of the other?”

“Oh!” Blaine taps Kurt on the shoulder quickly. “Ten bucks says the next dig is at your age!”

“You’re on,” Kurt reaches out a hand to shake.

“Unbelievable,” Cooper mutters.

“Okay,” and that’s the waiter again. “Cheese fries and a tuna melt for the cutie,” Chad winks at Blaine again, and Blaine can feel Kurt’s hand squeezing his tightly, and can see the way his boyfriend is pressing his lips together. “And for Mr. Boring a cheeseburger well-done with onion rings for the side.” He turns to Kurt once the food has all been handed out, and asks, “Anything for you? We have some fantastic options on our senior’s menu.”

Blaine has to look away, because his eyes are starting to water. Kurt just shakes his head and says, “The cheese fries are for me, but thank you!”

“Blaine, you really need to start telling me what food is for your boyfriend!” Chad says, though Blaine can’t bring himself to look at him.

“So you could spit in it, right?” Kurt asks, sounding far too good-natured.

“You get it,” Chad replies. “Hey, no hard feelings, okay? Your boy is just too cute.”

“Alright, that’s it!” Cooper says, standing up.

“Oh, brother,” Kurt grumbles, and Blaine finally forces himself to turn back to watch.

“Listen, Chad,” the way Cooper sneers his name makes Chad take a step back. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing, flirting so obviously with my brother, but he is taken. Like, capital T ‘taken’. He’s been in love with Kurt since he was thirteen years old, so if you really think that coming here and telling Blaine you want to spit in Kurt’s food is going to make him ditch Kurt for you, you have another thing coming.”

“Cooper—”

“No, Kurt, it’s rude, and uncalled for! This is your place of work, what the hell! Did you do this shit while you were working for me? Because I have half a mind to retroactively write you up for inappropriate conduct.”

“Um, hey, man, it’s chill. I was just trying to have a bit of fun,” Chad has his hands raised.

“Well, knock it off. They’re a couple, and that’s not going to change, so just back off.”

Chad nods and then scurries off, leaving a heavily breathing Cooper to fall back into his booth.

Kurt looks utterly horrified at what just happened, and on one level, Blaine is, too, but on the other hand, “Aw, Cooper!” he says, reaching forward and grabbing his brother’s hands. “You just defended our relationship!”

“What?” Cooper looks shocked. “No, I just stood up for you the way that your boyfriend wasn’t doing.”

“No, no,” Blaine grins. “You defended our relationship. You think we’re good together. You want us to stay together.” His eyes light up as he says, “You gave us your blessing!”

Cooper groans and buries his face in his arms. “That is so not what just happened,” he grumbles.

“It so is,” Blaine sing-songs. “Kurt, Cooper approves of our relationship!”

Kurt grins right back and says, “Finally! Does this mean you and I can go back to being best friends, Cooper?”

“Oh, fuck both of you,” Cooper grumbles. “I don’t know why I even bothered.”

They tease Cooper relentlessly as they eat, and by the end of it Cooper seems to have calmed down, and even chimes in on a bit of the teasing. Blaine knows it’s not the actual end of the road, that Cooper probably still has some doubts about Blaine and Kurt being a couple, but this feels like a huge step forward, and he’s going to milk it for everything it is.

When they finish eating, Cooper insists on leaving exact change after the spectacle, but when he isn’t looking, Kurt and Blaine slip a ten-dollar bill into the pile and quickly write, ‘thanks for the entertainment tonight, chad! sorry cooper yelled at you!’ before they leave.

After all, Blaine justifies as they walk out of the restaurant, it was pretty funny.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

a photo prompt if you feel like it

(I love this but you will never convince me that Midge Maisel would go within 5 feet of a furry friend. She is NOT a pet person)

Edward R Meowrow is a great cat.

At a little under one, he has a nice, cozy home with his humans, where he enjoys belly rubs and treats. Rare are the days when he knocks valuables off of shelves, and he's never went potty outside of his little box, stashed in a comfortable little closet, as if it is his own personal bathroom.

His humans are busy humans, but never too busy for snuggles, and at night, he sleeps in a big bed, meant for dogs, stretched out like the big, adorable dumb-dumb he is.

And Damian Wayne could not love him more.

Every time he travels to DC to visit his brother, his main objective is to spend some quality time with Ed.

It's nice to stay with Jason and Maggie for a weekend. To be able to stay in and read and not have to worry about school or patrol. He sleeps in (until 8 in the morning! A luxury, truly!), watches films, and reads from Jason's insane book collection.

And Ed is with him every step of the way.

The door opens and closes on Friday evening and Maggie steps in, grinning. "Hey!"

"Hello," Damian greets her, looking up from the book and the cat on his chest.

Maggie chuckles and pasts both Ed and Damian on their heads. "Jason is working late. What do you want for dinner?"

"I don't know," Damian admits, sitting up and allowing Ed to adjust down onto the couch. "Whatever is fine, I suppose."

"Thai?" she offers. "There's a place around the corner that does killer tofu pad Thai."

"Excellent," Damian agrees.

Maggie grins. "Great." She pulls down some cat food. "Mr. Meowrow, it's dinner time for you, buddy!"

The cat hops off the couch and dashes over.

Damian smirks. Not letting on that he'd already given Ed a handful of treats less than an hour ago.

[r2killdee2]

I’m a Bible verse- I’m God- I’m Jesus- I’m having sexual intercourse with the Universe

I’m afraid of looking at my eyes because when I was little I thought the rings inside were parasitic worms feasting on my eyeball flesh, having some kind of sex party and fucking in my gelatinous sight orbs.

I remember my cat once had surgery and his bone was sticking out of his skin and the vet pulled it out, just pullin’ that shit like people obsessed with holidays and family do to Thanksgiving turkeys.

I want to abuse my pride but once I do I have to cover it up with dirt that’s filled with grubs and maggots and the flesh of teenagers and semen and tendrils of children’s hair and all the blood that’s ever spilled out of my body and into the shower drain and showering the naked emaciated bodies of America’s Greatest scum.

I’m actually having a great day. I took half of a little green pill that’s supposed to manipulate my “brain wires” and make me calm the fuck down. I want to cram the little white pills and the little green pills into my mouth until I feel like some kind of fucking Archangel that’s gonna smite some demons and shit and blow down the gates of heaven and replace it with a white picket-fence .

Before I murder God I’m going to dress him in a white polo shirt and I’m going to suffocate him with a fucking cloud. Of course, because he’s God and I’m God and everyone’s God and the universe is God nothing really happens. So, I just jerk it to some weird porn I found with obscure fetish tags.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if some people’s faces were replaced with beetle heads. If I had a beetle head, my mandibles would always be twitching and salivating and I’d probably be convulsing all of the time. I’d try to crush the other beetle head’s heads until I was the alpha and stained with weird human- bug blood and lick it off my body with my weird vibrating INSECTOID mouth.

My happy place was abandoned by a car salesman. Which I find funny because my dad fixes cars and there’s probably some good ol’ symbolism the universe is trying to hit me with to change my ways and actually like where I come from.I like when the lamps look like they’re shuddering and having aneurysms and dying even though the light is eternal, the light is the black hole of life.

I’m going to take a stick and trek across the ocean to Antarctica. I’m going to find a glacier and set out to sea and wait until finally melts and I’m drowning in the middle of the sea or freezing into the ice like a bloodied tuna that’s used to feed tank-bred animals that are used as entertainment whores.

[ao3feed-mcufemslash]

Morgan Stark's Big (Gay) Wedding

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2JYsRld

by Wonderlandleighleigh

Morgan Stark is the first Avenger Baby to tie the knot! With a week of celebration ahead, Maggie Rogers decides it's the perfect time for Jason Todd to meet her family.

Words: 1644, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 5 of The Tuna Melt-verse

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Batman (Comics), The West Wing, Chuck - Fandom

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, F/M, Gen

Characters: Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Maggie Rogers, Annie Stark, Maria Stark II, Jason Todd, Danny Concannon, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Zondra Rizzo, Original Female Character(s)

Relationships: Morgan Stark/Original Female Character, Jason Todd/Maggie Rogers, Zondra Rizzo/Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark

Additional Tags: Everyone and the kitchen sink, AU, Kidfic, Future Fic

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2JYsRld

[ao3feed-harleykeener]

by Wonderlandleighleigh

Peter Parker is missing, and it wont' stop raining.

Words: 2406, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 4 of The Tuna Melt-verse

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Batman (Comics), The West Wing

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M, Gen

Characters: Peter Parker, Harley Keener, Lila Barton, Cassie Lang, Shuri (Marvel), Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Happy Hogan, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd, Maggie Rogers, Jed Bartlet, C. J. Cregg, Abbey Bartlet, Charlie Young, Michelle Jones, May Parker (Spider-Man)

Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Jason Todd/Maggie Rogers

Additional Tags: Kraven's Last Hunt AU, Trigger Warning: Buried Alive, Future Fic

[londonlanded]

Week 30

Alright, playing catch-up, but it's been madness over here!

Monday through Wednesday, well, I've pretty much forgotten since I neglected to record my life and therefore lost those days to the abyss of my mind. Couldn't have been too exciting, right?

Thursday is when it gets exciting, since I finally got to have a real, full-on Four Seasons experience. As you all know, my hospitality knowledge extends only as long as these last few months. I have no schooling in the matter, no real travelling hotel knowledge since most of my time is spent hopping between hostels, trying to find out where I could pay the least amount of money for the most relative amount of peace and safety combined with the lowest number of drunk people. I've slept on floors, couches, in cars and on beaches (usually on purpose, though my friend's four door Kia wasn't ideal). Now, I work for a company that prides itself on making sure you sleep almost better abroad than you do at home, which is a tall order considering the confounds that usually tag along in your suitcase, like jetlag, stress, homesickness and all of our other human thieves of sleep. FS seems to do so well at making this happen that they've got a woman dedicated here in the UK to selling mattresses, pillows, duvets and bedding to anyone who feels like they want to take their hotel home.

But beyond the night's sleep that's reputed to be one of the best part of a Four Seasons stay, I've been working behind the scenes to make the other pieces of the puzzle fall into place, so seamlessly that I've realized most of our guests don't have the slightest clue how much goes into remembering something as simple as how they take their coffee. I thought I understood service, but this Four Seasons thing is a whole new ballgame. I was about to see what I was, in a very small part, responsible for helping make possible.

Let me explain the whys though, before we get into the whats. As part of your congratulatory package for passing your probation, you get permission to spend one night at the hotel as both a thank you and a way of the hotel testing out whether or not its functioning the way it should be. It's a way for the hotel to test its standards in a low-risk environment, since they're not about to give a member of the public free reign of their property for the sake of giving objective feedback. As part of your passing-probation overnight stay prize, you get to stay on property with a guest, you have to have one meal from room service, and one meal down in the hotel's restaurant. The only payment? I had to fill out a total of two surveys about how your experience was, how the departments did, if anything went wrong and if anything went right. That's it.

My friend Geffen showed up around the corner from the hotel, and she and I walked through the main doors of the place, and were welcomed to Four Seasons by a few of my slightly confused but ultimately professional colleagues/friends, who figured out I was doing my complimentary stay within a couple of seconds of realizing I wasn't in my uniform and I was entering through the front. I had warned Gef that people were going to pretend they didn't know me (aka greeting me with welcome to Four Seasons and later, when the hotel manager asked if we had been seen by the reception team), as part of the exercise everyone has to play their part. We approached the reception desk, the hotel manager looked at me with the same momentary confusion as the bellmen, and then asked the question I mentioned. Eliza couldn't keep her front up in its entirety, as she showed me the registration card for my room she said something along the lines of "well, I don't really think I need your ID but now's probably when I'd take it." I had been told what room I was getting earlier in the day, but of course hadn't seen it, so the concept of room 912 wasn't made real to me until my friend Alicia walked us to our room, and gave us a showaround.

Turns out this was the first of many above-and-beyond moments I'd have in my short stint as a Four Seasons guest. Alicia was oblivious to this fact, but the second Geffen and I walked into our room, it hit us both that'd we'd be getting to stay. For Alicia, it was just business as usual showing us around, but the two of us were absolutely losing our minds. Here's the thing - we would have been happy with any room, they're all beautiful and are all held to the same stunning standard. What we walked into was not just any room, it was room 912. What's so special about that is the fact that we were on the highest floor of the building, with a view of Hyde Park to greet us. This "be our guest experience" that I was doing for/thanks to HR is supposed to land you in the most basic type of room, small, low floor, double bed. Beautiful, but basic. What had happened that day to change that for us is still unclear to me, but I know that Alicia and my friend Tracy had something to do with it. I was so stunned at what we'd been given that I asked Alicia about it, and she said simply, "well, we upgraded you twice," with a smile on her facr that said she was rather proud of the change she'd instigated. She left to go back to the front desk, and the second that door closed, Geffen and I burst out laughing for lack of knowing what else to do with ourselves.

We explored the room and settled down, I think it was the biggest hotel room I've ever stayed in (with one exception but I feel like once in a lifetime Italian family trips can't count), and for central London, I'm not sure they've got much by way of space to give. The closet was so big, Geffen could comfortably sit in it. 

There were USB charging ports in the walls, power sockets with built-in current converters, and the nicest shower I had ever seen. So nice, that I think I took 3 showers in the 14 hours I was on property?

We decompressed before heading downstairs to dinner, where my friend Chiara sat us at her favourite table, and recommended about half the menu to us. The waiter was a new face, but was well-versed in how to handle colleagues coming in for complimentary visits. Geffen and I wound up taking basically every recommendation we were given, and the staff that served us that evening, Chiara included, were more than happy to provide them. It was one of the most amazing meals I've ever had in London, and I'm not saying that because it's part of a company I work for. In fact, it's the only time I will ever get to dine in Amaranto since there's a rule in place for all Four Seasons employees that we can't go to any restaurant on property within 30 miles of where we work. So, that means I can go eat in Hampshire, but London's two bars and three restaurants are off limits otherwise.

Honestly though, if anyone who reads this is looking for a mind-blowing meal, head to Amaranto. It's Italian but it's not shy when it comes to seafood (my favourite thing on the planet), and thanks to my friends generosity in suggestion, we wound up getting some real mileage out of our meal. To start, burrata, roasted pecans, watercress. Chestnut mousse on seared scallops. Goat cheese, beets, walnuts and pear arranged in a crown.

Mains, seafood sampler consisting of a piece of bass, salmon, and tuna, a scallop, an entire mangosteen (baby lobster?), shrimp and roasted vegetables. Geffen's lobster linguine was apparently pretty spectacular, too.

Dessert, creativity came out on the part of our pastry chefs, Geffen's tiramisu involved a toffee disc placed atop whipped cream, covering coffee flavoured cookies, we shared something called the 6 Deadly Sins, which was one of those chocolate balls that the waiter pours molten chocolate over and melts the top to discover what's inside, alongside chocolate another four ways. Raspberry, coconut, and apple & cucumber gelato (weird but honestly my favourite) to finish it off. 

We rolled up to our room after saying goodnight to the friends that had helped us out, and I took shower #2 because I swear that things is like an ocean being poured over your head and its magical.

Ready for something funny? The worst part of my stay was that I didn't sleep a wink! The bed was too soft, the pillow too plush. Of course, this is something that can be noted in guest preferences, but I sure as hell wasn't about to bother my friends for a firmer bed. In hindsight, I mostly just find it amusing that the one thing FS does best, just wasn't my cup of tea! I was half awake when my 6AM alarm went off to prompt me to go up one floor to the hotel's gym, and I can't say I minded starting my day to a workout looking over London, the London Eye clearly lit up in the dark pre-dawn.

I got back to the room just as Geffen was coming around, had my 3rd shower of my stay, and we sorted ourselves out to order the next mandatory part of my visit - room service. Within a few seconds of hearing my voice, Vinod on the other end of the line figured out that the Ms. Papsin he was speaking to was really just plain old PBX me. Before I knew it, four items had been added to our order that he suggested we "should really really have," and the whole 100% free thing made it sort of hard to argue with. I hung up with a laugh, and quickly popped up to the tenth floor with Geffen to show her our view from the spa. In the grand scheme of things, it's not really that mindblowing, but considering we're in the heart of london where being able to see anything at all above ground level is remarkable, having a 10-story look at the world isn't half bad. 

We made it back down in time for Bala, our room service attendant, to roll our stunning breakfast into the room. Can't say I've had many Fridays start as well as this one did with our Room Service team's kind help. Geffen and I headed downstairs to go our separate ways to work (my commute lasted a whole 12 seconds mind you), but not before she raided the entirety of the room for every product we stock! Considering I have pretty easy access to it, I was mostly just glad it wasn't going in the bin and instead into my friend's bathroom. On top of that, Vinod had made us order a basket of extra pastries with our breakfast for the sole purpose of Geffen stealing them for a free meal later that day. I scored big, but dare I say she might have scored a bit bigger? Anyway, the rest of my day had a lot to live up to, I can't remember having experienced that much joy before 9AM in a long while.

I showed up to work to the mockery of my colleagues who had seen my dinner bill from that evening (they knew how it went though - once the staff catch on that it's free, they do enjoy joining in, especially when a good 3/4 of them are good friends of yours), I quickly evaded their pesky company to head downstairs to spend the morning with some of the members of the Sales team in the hopes that I'd learn some of the basics before starting my job as a sales coordinator in a few weeks. I felt a bit swamped, both by things I didn't know and by the things I thought I did, but I hope that once I start, everything will become a touch more clear. I'm sure it will, these things don't daunt me on that front at least. The end of the day meant a quick stop at the gym before returning to my own, firm, and welcoming bed. Even though my showerhead hardly works, I was happy at the very least that I'd be able to sleep once I laid down my head.

At the end of the day, I was still the same Emily who didn't need luxury so much as I need a safe place to rest my head. Still, I think I took away far more from my experience than most do, simply on account of my naivety. I honestly never understood how the things we do as individuals at the hotel become the cohesive, perfect, five-star whole that they are. I understand standards, they make sense to me, they are the thing upon which the framework of perfection is laid. I see that we aim for perfection in everything we do, I just had no idea how that might make me feel once I bore witness to seeing our work on display. Sebastian, my manager, caught me on my way down to sales, and while I didn't have a ton of time to tell him the extend of my experience, I managed to get out the simple phrase, "I get it, I get why we do the things we do."

And I do - I see the pieces at play. I see how they fall together, how every single person plays a role in making for something as simple as a safe place to land, a (usually) decent nights sleep, how the fact that we've thought of every possible human need might go unnoticed, simply because our needs were never felt. It's not that the hotel is always there when you need something, it's that it has made it so that you never feel as though you are in a position where you lack that very thing. I walked around the room and thought, "there's literally nothing I want right now," I couldn't think of a thing I could ask for. And I knew I could ask for anything.

I'm missing my own point here. I think what I'm trying to get at is simply this - I get why we do the things we do, because I see what goes into making sure that every want and need is met before it is wanted or needed. To be so far from home, and yet simultaneously so far from needing the comforts that are usually associated with it, that is what it means to stay at a Four Seasons. I didn't really understand that until I did so myself, and quite honestly, it made going back to work easier, not harder than I thought it would be. After all, I now see why we do things this way, and once something makes sense to me, I am all of a sudden unable to see how it ever didn't.

Saturday was another trip to the borough market, this time in the company of Viola from Florence, and Coline my regular French companion. Another story was shared with me, adding to the tapestry that's being woven by these characters, more complex and intricately threaded every day. Viola never did any post-secondary education, she's worked her way up from a 1-star hotel to one of the most renowned hotels in the world (ours, duh. Not kidding though, it's got quite a reputation our little building). She recently got offered a promotion on property, but turned it down in favour of returning to her home city to run something along the lines of revenue management. All this without a degree, all this without pausing to think she may not be adequate without one. She ploughs through life with a fervour and humour I hope to emulate, with a candour and wit I could never keep up with. I'm serious, these people are magic.

Sunday, said goodnight to the day with this lovely sight, reminding me once again how spectacular it is to just, well, be alive sometimes. The colours of the day bleeding away, there’s something simply and beautiful about having enjoyed another one. Even out front of Hammersmith station, bustling, loud, packed and constantly drowning in the din of a dozen sirens, there are moments to pause and think, yeah, I’m glad the sun reaches me here. 

Spent the evening preparing for my last week in my Park Lane uniform, which is honestly something I never thought I'd say only seven months after first putting it on. 

e

[zeroviraluniverse-blog]

14 Behind-the-Scenes Secrets of Hollywood Food Stylists

Visit Now - http://zeroviral.com/14-behind-the-scenes-secrets-of-hollywood-food-stylists/

14 Behind-the-Scenes Secrets of Hollywood Food Stylists

Hollywood food stylists are little short of magicians—only instead of pulling rabbits out of hats, they’re turning piles of mashed potatoes into ice cream sundaes. Indeed, making food (or food-like products) appear photogenic and appetizing onscreen is a job for a true illusionist. Mental Floss spoke to a few food stylists working in TV, film, and commercials—from Game of Thrones to Taco Bell—to bring you the tricks of their magical trade.

1. MOST OF THE FOOD BEING FILMED IS REAL.

While food stylists are well-versed in the old-school swap tricks—using a pint of white glue to impersonate a glass of milk, for example—those are being phased out. Now, directors want actors to interact with their food, and high-definition camera lenses have made the fake stuff much more obvious. Plastic food props only appear in the background of scenes today, where they’re less visible and susceptible to scrutiny.

“I only deal with real food,” says Chris Oliver, who has styled food for movies including Gone Girl (2014) and TV shows such as Seinfeld and Big Little Lies. “You also have to think about how a character would cook something or put a plate together. Realistic food is not all beautiful and perfect. I make ugly food and burnt food, too.”

There’s a trend in commercial food styling to present dishes that are less-than-perfect, too. Shellie Anderson, who styles food ads for clients including Burger King and Ragù, says it’s the consumers who are demanding food look more realistic and therefore more approachable.

“People are tired of seeing something in a TV commercial and then ordering it in a restaurant and it doesn’t look the same,” she says. “You don’t want it to look staged anymore. You want a burger to look like the cheese naturally dripped off and landed on the plate.”

2. THEY GO THROUGH A LOT OF FOOD …

If a food stylist needs one sprig of parsley for a shoot, they’ll often order 10 bunches. They never know what the condition of the parsley is going to be when it arrives from the produce vendor, or if the shoot is going to require more than they originally planned for. Carving a turkey in a scene? That may require two dozen birds if an actor keeps flubbing his line.

“It really depends on how much of a story point the food is and how important the scene is for the director,” Oliver says.

Food stylists usually have relationships with produce vendors, who can look for products with the specific size, shape, and color that stylists need. No bruises or dents, and no frozen lettuce! But stylists can hide those things if they have to.

Ice cream is infamously hard to keep intact because it melts so quickly. Food stylists have been known to replace the scoops with dollops of meringue, which don’t melt, or butter rolled in sugar. Oliver makes her sundaes the day before and sticks them in the freezer, spoons and straws and all. If they freeze rock hard overnight, they can last a few hours on set the next day before being replaced with another sundae lined up in the deep-freeze. Anderson sprays her ice cream with cold spray, an aerosol can of super-chilled gas used for cooling electronics.

3. … BUT THE FOOD RARELY GOES TO WASTE.

On film and TV shoots, there are rarely leftovers. In fact, good food stylists often compete with the caterers: Actors usually have to eat the food during their scenes, and the crew finishes off the scraps. While shooting a Chinese New Year scene for the show Fresh Off the Boat recently, actress Lucille Soong told Oliver, who was styling that episode, that she was going to skip lunch because she wanted to enjoy eating her food on camera. “That was pretty freaking flattering!” Oliver says.

Because Oliver works on multiple TV shows in a single day, if an item doesn’t get used on set and never comes out of her cooler, she can just take it back to her shop and recycle it for use on another show. If something can’t be used again, she’ll take it home and make salsa or jam. “When it gets really old, I’ll just stick it in vodka,” she says.

Commercial shoots tend to have more unused food. Anderson says anything that’s still edible will be given to a food pantry. “I once donated an entire swordfish when we did a commercial for a fish restaurant,” she says. “We never even used it. So I kept it on ice and took it to a men’s homeless shelter. They were thrilled to have it.”

4. THEY VALUE FOOD SAFETY.

Another reason food stylists swap out on-camera food so much is because of safety concerns—hot and cold foods need to be kept at certain temperatures that may not be practical on-set. Sushi-grade tuna may be replaced with watermelon, for example, because the fish spoils so easily.

Oliver requires all of her employees to have a food handler’s license. She also only works out of commercial kitchens (including the one on her fully-equipped food styling truck). But not every food styling team does; some prepare food in their homes. “The reason that I get so much work is that everybody knows I’m a chef and I have a real kitchen,” Oliver says. “People trust my food. I’ve done a bunch of movies with Reese [Witherspoon] because she knows that if I’m on set, the food is safe to eat.”

5. WOMEN DOMINATE THE FIELD.

While there are a few well-known male food stylists, for the most part the key food stylists in the U.S. are women. (Both of Anderson’s daughters are food stylists, too.) The reason for this dates back decades.

Before food styling became its own career in the 1990s, it was up to network employees with home economics degrees (almost always women) to cook on-camera food. Then props departments became responsible. “But props guys can’t even make spaghetti,” Oliver says, laughing. So according to her, these guys would go home and ask their girlfriends or wives to make whatever food was required for the next day’s scene. “Eventually they would just hire their girlfriends or wives to do it; keep the money in the family,” she says. “I know five food stylists who at one time were in relationships with prop masters.”

Also in the 1990s, networks began making more multi-camera TV shows. A lot more food began appearing on screen, and actors openly discussed their dietary restrictions. They were vegan, sugar-free, and low-carb all of a sudden. Oliver trained at the Culinary Institute of America and had worked in restaurants and catering jobs before stumbling into this career. “Because I was a chef, and I understood how food works, I knew how to feed people and make food last on set,” she says. “And I could charge anything I wanted to.”

To get a job as a food stylist today, it helps to know someone already in the industry and have a culinary background. Everyone starts as an intern, and then may be able to work their way up to being an assistant and then a stylist. “Not everybody can be a food stylist,” Anderson says. “You have to be able to cook, but you still have to be creative. And you have to be able to work fast and under pressure.”

6. THEY LIVE OUTSIDE OF LOS ANGELES NOW.

Now that movies and TV shows are frequently filmed all over the world, instead of just on sets in Los Angeles, food stylists can be based anywhere. There is a concentration of stylists who live in Vancouver, British Columbia, for example, because that’s where many shows are now filmed. Labor laws also often require production crews to hire locally, so residing outside of L.A. can be a real advantage.

Some commercial food stylists, like Anderson, are flown in for shoots. “Food stylists can make or break a commercial,” she says. “And if you have trouble and you don’t know what you’re doing, it can be a real problem for production.” This is especially true on out-of-the-country shoots, when stylists don’t have the resources that they’re used to. So clients who know her and her skill level, such as Taco Bell, will fly her to wherever they’re filming.

7. THEY TALK LIKE CHEFS AND FILMMAKERS.

Food stylists use a mix of back-of-the-house kitchen lingo and film jargon. Some examples: The “hero” is the food that is written into the script, is being shot, and must appear in front of the actor. “Bite and smile” is when an actor takes a bite of food and pretends to like it. “All day” is the total number of items needed; if they needed five turkeys on a set, they would say “five all day.”

8. NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO BE IN THE MOVIES.

Food stylists usually specialize in different media: film, TV, commercials, or print editorial. Stylists often prefer one over the other. Print editorial is shot in a controlled studio and tends to have more leeway for creativity. Commercials are tied to a brand’s specifications. Film and TV shoots on location are in unpredictable settings and can be physically demanding. But everyone tends to work long, 12- to 14-hour days. For commercials, it can often take three days to shoot one 30-second spot.

When working on a movie or TV show, the actors’ demands usually take precedence over the food needs. After working on one film, Anderson had had enough and dedicated herself to commercial work. “When I do commercials, the food is the star,” she says. “So [the directors] want to make sure I have everything I need. On a movie, they could care less about you.”

9. FOOD STYLISTS DON’T JUST MAKE FOOD.

Sometimes food stylists are expected to create sci-fi props—what would a person eat in the year 3000?—or fantasy items that they have no experience with. While working on the TV show Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Oliver made gooey, edible slime from her imagination. “I also had to roll with the [actors’] different dietary needs,” she says. “I had to be able to make vegan slime, sugar-free slime, gluten-free slime, gelatin-free slime … Slime, any way you want it.”

Oliver also has to make items that you don’t really want to put in your mouth. While filming the TV show Big Little Lies, she made green-colored vomit for actress Reese Witherspoon of cucumbers and parsley. She says it was tasty, like green gazpacho. For a war film, she had to make 400 pounds of “dirt” for a group of prisoners of war to eat. She got Pakistani soil shipped to California so she could match it exactly. (Her recipe: ground-up Oreos and graham crackers, mixed with brown sugar and white sugar.)

Janice Poon, the food stylist behind the cannibal-centric TV show Hannibal, had a more challenging obstacle: how to make dishes that resembled human flesh. She refused to do research on cannibalism websites, she told HopesAndFears.com, but she studied a lot of anatomy books. “I’m just like Dr. Frankenstein,” Poon said. “I’m always stitching things, exchanging, putting one kind of meat on a different bone, patching stuff together. … The key is to let the viewer’s imagination do more of your work.” She transformed veal shanks into human legs, and used prosciutto slices to mimic slivers of a human arm.

10. THEY PACK SOME SERIOUS GEAR.

When shooting, stylists need to be prepared for anything. They carry tools including tweezers, scissors, paint brushes, knives, offset spatulas, wet wipes, syringes, rulers, Q-tips, and spritz bottles.

“Think about your kitchen: all of your mixing bowls and utensils … I have that times 10 in my kit,” Anderson says. She also has a torch on hand for quick-cooking burgers and cold spray for extending the life of ice cream. Other stylists may have glycerin for adding shine or Kitchen Bouquet sauce for adding color. Poon often uses a white ceramic knife so she can see what she’s doing on dark sets and work more quietly, so as not to disturb the acting process.

Food stylists sometimes work in erratic environments. Oliver brings her own 17-foot, cab-over truck to shoots. “It has a lift gate and everything’s on wheels, so I can take everything out and have a kitchen in the middle of the desert, if I want,” she says. Inside, she has a full commercial kitchen: a six-burner stove, refrigerator, microwave, grill, freezer, prep tables, storage, TV, and a generator.

11. THEY’RE SKILLED AT IMPROV.

When production starts, the prop team sends memos to actors or their reps asking about food allergies and dietary restrictions. As trained chefs, most food stylists are happy to accommodate such limitations, cooking convincing swap-outs. “I find out what they will eat and make it happen,” Oliver says.

For example, Poon once made a convincing vegan “raw meat” on Hannibal using only grains. “I made lamb tongues out of bulgur and water,” Poon told HopesAndFears.com. “It’s like making a Lebanese kibbeh. You mix cracked wheat with water and it makes a kind of mush that holds together. The texture is a little ‘nubbly,’ so I added a pink food coloring, made little tongues out of kibbeh dough, steamed them up, and they were my little lambs’ tongues.”

Sometimes a director changes his or her mind at the last minute, and what was supposed to be a spaghetti dinner, for example, is now a breakfast spread. So the food stylist will squish down the meatballs and turn them into sausage patties. In an interview with NPR, food stylist Melissa McSorley recalled a time when a movie director suddenly decided to cut open a birthday cake she had made. The problem: It wasn’t real.

“So we had to cut the cake that was made out of Styrofoam, and I had to use a saw in order to do it because none of my knives could get through it,” McSorley said. “And then we had to layer in cake so it did look like it was real and then we had to send people scurrying to many markets to find white layer cake so it looked like people in the background could be actually be eating the cake.”

12. THERE’S ALWAYS THE SPIT BUCKET OPTION.

Professional actors will often pick at the food in front of them, but not eat it because they know their scenes are going to require a lot of takes; they could be eating birthday cake for eight hours straight. Others dive right in. For a scene in The Guilt Trip (2012), actress Barbra Streisand had to pretend she was in a steak-eating contest. Oliver says they went through more than 300 pounds of meat for that scene’s three-day shoot and Streisand was totally game.

“But there’s a part towards the end where she has to eat really quickly and do a line without, you know, choking and dying,” Oliver says. “So I switched out the steak with seared watermelon. She took one bite and it sort of dissolved in her mouth, so she could do her line. If you watch it, and you really listen, you can hear the crunch of the watermelon.”

Sometimes, though, the spit bucket is the only option. In season one of Game of Thrones, the character Daenerys Targaryen had to eat a whole horse heart. But the actress who plays her, Emilia Clarke, actually had to eat 28. They were made of solidified jam, which tasted like “bleach and raw pasta,” she told The Mirror. “It was very helpful to be given something so truly disgusting to eat, so there wasn’t much acting required. Fortunately, they gave me a spit bucket because I was vomiting in it quite often.”

13. SOMETIMES THEY’RE SURPRISED BY THE FINAL PRODUCT.

Food stylists who work on multiple projects at a time, like Oliver, can’t always stick around to see how their food will be used. They may later find out that a gorgeous spread was relegated to the background, or worse. For a scene in Seinfeld, Oliver was once asked to prepare a perfect, glistening turkey. “Later I was home watching the episode and they had put the turkey on Kramer!” she says. “I was literally crying I was laughing so hard. Never in a million years did I think my turkey was going to end up with a guy’s head.”

14. THEY THROW EPIC DINNER PARTIES.

You’d think that being around food all day would make food stylists tired of making things look nice. But most food stylists love to cook, and on the days they aren’t working, they love to throw parties. “People always expect to have beautiful food,” Anderson says. “And I don’t disappoint.”

[aqlyrics-blog]

Dinnertime

New Post has been published on http://purelyrics.net/lyrics/lil-wayne-dinnertime/

Dinnertime

–Intro: Waiter talking– Here you are, sir, just how you like Careful, it’s hot Enjoy…

–Verse 1– Okay, come be my appetizer My fruit, my apple cider, my colada My papaya, how you want it? I told the waiter what I wanted I told him don’t bring me a plate If it don’t have a rapper on it Chef Angel on the beat And me I’m just snackin’ on it Yeah, I’m eatin’ with my hands I’m gonna need a napkin, homie You lookin’ like a glazed pig With an apple on it I’mma need a Snapple, homie And another after, homie Snap crackle, homie There goes another rapper Just consider that bologna You are just a macaroni In my tuna casserole I’m gettin’ fat and you bony You lookin’ like Nicole Richie call me Biggie I got faith and soul Bowl of french of fries Tell ’em bonjour Boy, I eat your food Hot and cold And I’m no where near full

–Interlude: Waiter talking– Hope you enjoyed your appetizer Here’s your main course…

–Verse 2– Good ’cause I’m bout hungrier than a mothafucka Finger lickin’ good never been a thumb sucker I eat your ass good, never leave a crumb sucka Never been a club hopper I’m a club jumper That mean I get the club jumpin’, I’m grubbin Rappers say, “Hello Wayne”, I reply, “What up supper?” I could fry your ass up a saute Marinade ya all day I like my shit saute ‘Cause all the rappers salty ‘Cause all the rappers fault me For bein’ the best of all thee Rappers call on me ‘Cause I’m the best rapper rappin’ Rappers you can call me The best rapper rappin’ I’m a dog I’m a beast I’m a feast Carter get it in order Order me I oughta be an artery ‘Cause I’m a bloody buzzin’ B I’m a beast I at least Should get a piece of that pie Before I die Because I if no one else deserve Now where is my dessert?

–Interlude: Waiter talking– And now for dessert…

–Verse 3– Yes, this is dessert For his and hers I’ll take his her Kiss her Make her pussy purr Wet zipper Never tip her Never fall in love with a stripper Like strawberries, I dip her In whip cream, I whip her I let her melt, then sip her Like sizzurp, I’m tryna quit the sizzurp ‘Cause moms say quit the sizzurp But my auntie mom trippin’, she a tripper And I can eat you quicker But I’m gonna take my time with it Like a 3 legged cake I gotta climb in it But ain’t shit sweet when I’m in it When I’m in it, I told her you gonna miss me If I hit it I’m done with it And can’t one else can do what I done with it Not what I done did it My tongue drippin’ Feed me rappers or feed me beats

–Digests–

–Outro– Young Mula Baby, hehe

[wonderlandleighleigh]

Tagged by @lovepollution​ and @theycallme-thejackal

So, wanted to get some hiatus rec lists going and encourage some self promo  in my friends so how about sharing your top fics no matter how big or  small - give us the links to your wonderful words with the Most hits/Most kudos/Most comments/Most bookmarks /Most words/Least words Most hits/kudos/bookmarks: Hello Sunshine (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel) to celebrate being clean for a whole year, Lenny rents out a beach house in Malibu, and invites Midge to join him. Most Comments/Words: Make You Feel My Love (cowritten with the incomparable @theycallme-thejackal). (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel) - After her 60 Minutes interview in 1986, Midge gets a surprise visitor. It accidentally changes her life. Least words: Vroom! (Supernatural do not come for me because this isn’t destiel or wincest I like my fic and I do not care what you think)- Dean Winchester decides that at age four, it’s time for his son to learn to drive Baby. But I’ll put in a most proud section below cuz...three fics ain’t a lot: The Tuna-Melt Verse: Is a West Wing/MCU/DC Comics/Chuck/X-Men/The Kitchen sing crossover focusing mostly on Jason Todd. I loved writing this and I’m so proud, even though I haven’t finished the second major story in the series. I know it’s a lot, but I’m so proud. Fashionable People (Very Blue Rooms) (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel): The fic series I blackout wrote starting in April of 2022. I think for being a stress write it turned out good. Midge tries to make her way home from Carnegie Hall after her confrontation with Lenny in a blizzard...and fails. This is the fallout. Tagging @dettiot @theresawritesstuff and uh...whoever else wants to dive in.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

3, 4, 6, 9, 17, please

Woo okay!

3. what fic are you emotionally attached to?

Someone else's or my own? Because if we're talking about someone else's, we're talking about Copperbadge's When Push Comes to Chevre . A truly delightful MCU fanfic about Bucky Barnes in Wakanda, hanging out with goats and making peanut butter. 10/10 high recommend.

If we're talking my own...? We might be talking about Hobn Sich A Lebedik Bisl Nitl. Which details the first Christmas Martha Wayne (who was raised Jewish) hosted as Thomas Wayne's wife. I gave her big Midge Maisel vibes because I damn well could, and I still love it.

4. what fic of your own do you read for comfort?

It rotates depending on what fandom I'm knee deep in. Currently, Though I'll Never Forget Your Face (Sometimes I Can't Remember My Name) I am so proud of this fic. I think it turned out really well, and exactly how I wanted it to feel.

6. what's the hardest part of the writing process for you?

Realizing I've stalled out on something and trying to get it back on track. I'm facing this right now with both Hello, Sunshine and Questionable Weddings. It's tough to right the ship!

9. what's your writing process like?

Dumb. Chaotic. Fast. If I like something that I post on tumblr enough, I'll go back and edit the thing and then it goes up on AO3 as a more polished version of itself. I just did this with Five Pounds of Zinc Alloy. I realized I liked it a lot, and also that there was more story.

17. What’s the best engagement/interaction/feedback you’ve received from someone who’s read your work?

I've been writing fanfic since 1997, so I am spoiled for choice. But anyone who engages with the work. ANY feedback is great, right? The heart eyes and the LEIGH WHAT's, but for my money, anyone who sits there and picks it apart and goes "oh shit I noticed this thing and I cannot unsee it!" really tickles me. I don't remember who, but someone did that with the first chunk of Fashionable People stories. And there are a few people who do that for the Tuna-Melt verse and just dig in and I love it! I want to know what you think, and what tiny bits you loved, and what tiny bits made you nuts. I wanna know!