#This can be a major problem with inconsistencies ESPECIALLY

[chronurgy]

I think that in art there's a critical threshold of badness where once it's passed people will be annoyed by things they otherwise wouldn't have been and it also becomes difficult for people to distinguish legitimate and intentional artistic choices from the rest of the general shittiness

[bronzetomatoes]

Adding my own hat into the ring and I'm so sorry to be a toxic inniter but the dsmp was written by 3 dozen amateurs who refused to communicate behind the scenes. Which is gonna cause some inconsistencies, especially in the bigger storylines with more creators, and especially when those creators (who were, again, minecraft streamers with little to no writing experience) (not their fault) didn't put much thought into creating a story with a beginning, middle, and end.

Going into season 2, the majority of what Tommy did was done with a very small cast of characters at any given time (with Dream, with Tubbo and Ranboo, with Wilbur and Quackity, for example). He worked with a lot of people, but for different aspects of his character that he could separate from each other. The problem isn't when people try to make themselves the main character (that's how multi-perspective stories work), it's in knowing where you sit within other people's stories, which Tommy had a good grasp of. Along with this, Tommy already had experience with live theatre and an interest in writing. And you can tell, because his story was consistent and very well developed for a 16yo. Was it flawless? No, nobody's was. It was a passion project done over quarantine by a group of teens and young adults. But out of all the creators on that server, Tom is the one who went on to write a play, ykwim? So like, maybe his character was popular for a reason

[awionetka]

𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞! ➢

3, 2, 1, go! love and deepspace boys become street racers (while possibly romancing you in the process)...

𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫: slight angst (?), drabble. street racer!Caleb x reader. they're estranged childhood friends with inconsistent communication, he's not abusive btw... bear with me on this one, there IS hope at the end of the tunnel!

𝐗𝐚𝐯𝐢��𝐫 / 𝐙𝐚𝐲𝐧𝐞 / 𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐥 / 𝐒𝐲𝐥𝐮𝐬 / 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐛

𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠…

➢ killing me; conan gray

➢ closer to you; jungkook, major lazer

➢ sour candy; lady gaga, blackpink

"...in the streets of Linkon City. Our experts agree that it has become a rather serious problem. Who is going to protect us from such dangerous activities when we don't even know who to look for?"

The evening discussion panel you'd turned on mixed with the vinyl record you put on in your bedroom, creating the perfect background noise for you current endeavours. Humming absentmindedly at Tara's words, you flipped through the pile of clothes growing dangerously with each rejected outfit.

"Yes. Well... It is best to remember that we, as Linkon citizens, are being thoroughly protected by police forces. We shouldn't act rashly here, especially when it comes to such important matters as illegal racing, oftentimes held purely for monetary gain. Such environments could be dangerous to those who have no experience in the matter. However, when it comes to the identities, there are a couple of things to look out for. Most racers have unique aliases and codenames, ones we can be wary of in our day to day lives. Some of the most infamous ones are, for example, Onyx, Orion, Malamute..."

You returned to the living room once again, this time wearing a different top, twisted phone cord trailing behind you like a puppy with attachment issues.

"I just don't know, Tara, this doesn't look... Ehh, I don't know." You sighed, holding up two skirts in front of you while your friend tried her best to advise you over the phone. "What's that? Oh, just the TV. Hold on, let me switch it off. Yeah, so, like I've been saying..."

Suddenly you paused, turning away to face your front door.

"You're here!" You smiled brightly, already halfway there, but then stopped abruptly at Tara's words. "Oh... I hope it's not another noise complaint..."

Not expecting much, since it was, in fact, a late Thursday evening in a building full of the elderly and families with young children, you took a half-hearted glance through the peephole.

But what you saw, who you saw, on the other side of the door, made your blood run cold.

"It's... It's..." you attempted to give Tara an explanation, but then the person standing in the corridor spoke up, voice muffled by the barrier between you.

"Hey, Pipsqueak..." He cleared his throat and you pressed your forehead to the door. "I... I came to talk. Yeah? I'm sorry about last time, it was never my intent to upset you."

"Well, too bad," you replied before you could stop yourself, already full of annoyance. "Because you did, Caleb. What do you want now?"

You didn't look through the eyehole again, you couldn't make yourself to do so. But you saw him in your mind, shoulders relaxing slowly at the sound of your voice, that you decided to respond to him, even like this, even angry.

"Just to talk. I couldn't call or text you for some time. I just want to... see how you're doing."

Still on the phone with Tara, you placed it carefully on the shelf next to you, not hanging up. Just in case.

"I'm doing fine," you quipped back, but your resolve had already begun to falter. You missed Caleb terribly, the tone of his voice, that roguish glint in his eyes. How he brought you cute keychains from his travels and let you crash at his place when you didn't want to be alone. How he held you in his arms when you cried, gentle and reassuring, yet still at some sort of distance. Even if shortly afterwards he didn't text you back for ten days.

"I'm– I'm glad, Pips." Pause, brief. Then, "Will you let me see you...? Just for a minute. Please."

You glanced over at your phone, laying screen up on the shelf. Tara had texted you, mindful not to make herself known by speaking up, and asked if you'd be okay. Biting your lip, you replied, promising to give her a call as soon as he leaves. You hoped that'd be soon. You hoped she'd come over soon too.

"Okay..." you muttered cautiously and then ended the call. "Just... give me a second."

Hurrying back to the living room, you grabbed one of the skirts that were thrown on the couch, hastily putting it on so Caleb wouldn't see you basically half-naked. He waited patiently until you opened the door for him and scooted to the side to let him pass.

"Hi," he muttered breathlessly, hands twitching at his sides as he took in your figure. "You... going anywhere? I hope I'm not an inconvenience."

There was a gentle smile on his lips, one you felt you hadn't seen for centuries. Aside from that, Caleb looked as Caleb-ish as ever; broad shoulders, bright, attentive eyes and messy hair, now slightly overgrown as you were always the one to cut it. His arm brushed yours when he entered your apartment and he tensed.

"No, it's fine." You closed the door behind him without locking it. Just in case... "So...? Are you going to tell me where the hell you were last time we were supposed to hang out?"

"Pipsqueak..."

A single laugh escaped your chest, more akin to a bark. "Don't 'Pipsqueak' me, Caleb. It's a simple question. I would like to hear a simple answer."

He leaned against the built-in closet, respecting your privacy and not moving from the spot by the entrance. As his head hit the wood with a dull thud, you noticed a wide stripe of gauze sneaking past the hem of his jacket, right at the base of his neck. If Caleb noticed you staring, he decided not to mention it.

"It's... not as simple as I'd like it to be." There was a certain amount of defiance in his voice, one you knew almost too well. "I can't– I couldn't contact you. The matter was out of my hands."

"Caleb, you stood me up!" you pointed out, refusing to meet his eyes, even when he slightly bent over in order to see you better. "Do you even know how long I waited for you back then? I've always known you were busy but this? And then you wouldn't answer my calls, wouldn't text me back? For a second I... I thought something had happened to you."

It seemed like your sudden confession made Caleb, in some wicked and unexplainable way, more upbeat than just mere seconds before. He reached out, but not even to touch you, just to hover. "I wish I could tell you more, so you wouldn't worry..."

"Worry?!" Now, that pissed you off. How would someone who clearly didn't give a damn about you make you worry for him? "You worry about yourself for once, Jesus fucking Christ. Where the hell were you, where you couldn't find two fucking minutes to send me a text?!"

"Pipsqueak–"

Waving him off, you stormed off into the living room, not wanting him to see how emotional it all made you. It took Caleb a moment to follow, quietly and cautiously, as though he was approaching a wild animal. The couch dipped slightly when he sat down at its edge.

"You used to be different," you whispered, more to yourself than to Caleb, really. "We used to be different. There wasn't a single thing we wouldn't talk about. You know there wasn't. And now... It feels like I don't even know you anymore, Caleb."

You looked up to face him, now wide eyed and tense as he stared back. A speck of dust flew in between you, illuminated by the cabinet lamp.

"I don't even know you."

There was a long moment of silence after that. Caleb appeared to be thinking about what to tell you and you, well, you were done talking. You couldn't keep wasting words on those who wouldn't give you any in return.

Suddenly he stood up, shoulders slumped forward, like a long forgotten puppet. Not even looking at you, let alone saying anything, he turned around yet again and made his way to the door.

You sighed. Deeply, unashamedly. With relief.

But then, just when you thought it would all end like this – with Caleb letting you have the last word. Leaving you behind, finally, for good.

He spoke.

Quietly, utterly devoid of emotion.

"I was in jail."

Your breath hitched. "I... I– W-What...?"

"They didn't have any usable evidence," he continued, still turned away, still at a distance (just in... case?). "So they let me go. I didn't want to call. You'd know. You'd know where it was coming from."

"Caleb..." You didn't even notice when you got up from the couch and walked close enough to feel the faint smell of gasoline lingering around him. "What have you done...?"

He glanced at you above his shoulder, smirking. "Don't worry 'bout it. Soon all of it will be gone. Everything will be just how it used to."

And before you could think of anything suitable enough for a reply, he left, closing the door behind him so delicately, you didn't even hear it click.

The air seemed hot that night, sticky. The fact that it was so horrendously crowded too, obviously didn't help and if it weren't for his height, Caleb wouldn't even have anything to breathe with.

He wanted to go home.

Real home, not the college dorms or even that cold, rigid apartment he was renting. You. He wanted, no, he needed to be where you were, see what you saw, hear what you heard. There wasn't a day he didn't spend cultivating the slightly blurred image of you he kept safely in his mind.

But what you told him just a few days before...

Caleb shook his head, as if to physically get rid of whatever resided inside of it at that time.

The past was just that – the past. For a reason, too. If he was to be present in your life still, he would have to earn his spot.

And he was willing to do anything for that to happen.

His racing team was almost finishing up, so Caleb decided to take a quick stroll through the garages. Being observant came naturally to him, so he oftentimes used those moments to spot his rivals' weakest points. That, plus the change of scenery helped him clear his mind, at least a little.

That night he would be up against five other drivers. Plenty of people to beat, but Caleb wasn't exactly a newbie, so he had calculated his chances as pretty high. High enough, he hoped at least. He was also competing with Sage and that was something he wasn't anticipating in the slightest.

Leaning against the garage doors, he observed, taking notice of anything out of the ordinary or potentially dangerous. Sage's Mitsubishi, a Toyoya, two Hondas. The last one was apparently a Mustang but Caleb was yet to see it with his own eyes, so he recoiled from making any rash assumptions. The crowd was vibrant and ever-present, adding to the unique flavour of Linkon's underground scene. There were also many teenagers, something Caleb had noted with confusion, as those who were underage had a way harder time getting in. And right next to a couple of school kids, stood a group of people not too much older, talking excitedly and trying to appear seasoned.

Caleb smiled to himself.

A part of him wished hypocritically that cops would swarm the place that night, making a whole show of cuffing people left and right, just to make those who didn't belong stay away afterwards. It was horrible of Caleb to think that way, considering he had to start somewhere too, but in all honesty he didn't wish his life on anybody. So, in a way it was justified, at least to some extent.

The start of the race was approaching and Caleb was almost about to go back to his trusted Subaru, when two more people with colorful drinks in their hands joined the group he previously observed.

The guy was relatively tall, a little lanky and wore a hoodie with a giant bird on the back, a raven maybe, or a crow. His eyes would shine whenever he looked at the girl beside him and it was clear as day that he was waiting for the right moment to make a move. She was chatting, gesturing animatedly and making him laugh in the process. He bent down to hear better, resting his hand on her hip.

And the girl... The girl was you.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Hey there!

I have something I haven't worked on in almost a year and I hadn't written the chapters in order. As a result, I'm left with plot holes.

Do you have any tips on getting back to work after a long time and how to deal with plot holes?

Love your work, by the way :)

Writing Notes: Plot Holes

Plot Holes - inconsistencies or gaps in the storyline or character development.

They are formed when a narrative stops following its own logic.

Viewers and readers only have the details you’ve provided to immerse themselves in a believable world.

If you present a narrative without thinking through the implications of each plot point, you may create an unsatisfying and incomplete story, which can lose your audience quickly.

Types of Plot Holes

Plot holes betray your audience’s trust and can lower the quality of literature, film, or television shows. Examples of plot holes include:

Factual errors: Factual errors—like incorrect dates or wrong information—can lose your audience (especially in historical fiction). For example, if you’re writing a romance set during the Civil War and your hero escapes in a jet, that would be a factual error that would create a logical plothole for the audience.

Impossible events: Any occurrence that defies laws of physics or science is an impossible event—like a character who becomes a professional dancer overnight to win a big competition, or a person who can hold their breath underwater for 20 minutes to escape a monster. Impossible events remind audiences of real life logic, which can distract and remove them from the story. Of course, as the author, you can build a world where impossible things do occur and seem logical.

Illogical plot developments: Events that upset the flow of logic can create huge plot holes. If you’ve built a world without magic, a character cannot suddenly be capable of magic to get themselves out of a jam. An all-powerful bad guy bent on world destruction won’t suddenly have a change of heart or point of view for no apparent reason. Audiences want the narrative you’re weaving to track with the details you’ve provided. They want to know that they are emotionally investing in a story that is going to make sense and pay off.

Contradictions: Introducing a rule and then breaking it for convenience later on is an example of a contradictory plot problem and produces inconsistencies within your writing. For example, if you establish in the beginning of a book that characters cannot come back from the dead, but then you suddenly have a deceased character return for story purposes, that creates a big plot hole. Contradicting your own rules destabilizes your narrative, depriving audiences of the grounded sense of information that they need to immerse themselves fully.

Unresolved storylines: Even your subplots should have their own story arcs—too many loose ends can make a story feel incomplete. Leaving loose ends can also lower the stakes of your story, since there are no real consequences to anything that happens outside the main plot. For example, a character who is introduced with a storyline that conveniently influences the plot or protagonist but is forgotten about later would be an unresolved storyline.

Tips for Fixing Plot Holes

When you reach the end of the film or book you’re writing and suddenly discover major plot holes, it can take a lot of hard work to write yourself out of a jam. One of the easiest ways to fix plot holes you come across is to identify potential ones early on in your writing process (like during the outline or first draft) and prevent them from occurring in the first place.

However, it can be nearly impossible to anticipate every avenue for your narrative, and sometimes your story needs tweaking. Your job as a writer is to do as much as you can in order to tell the most complete, understandable story for your audience.

Here are some tips for doing just that:

Think things through. Spend time worldbuilding in order to give your story structure and somewhere real to live. Establish the rules and boundaries of your imaginary world and how everything exists within it. Figure out the power dynamics, setting, backstory of your narrative. Think about how you want your story to develop, the cause and effect of each plot point, and where you want your main character arcs to go. Keep track of those details as you write to keep your world consistent.

Research your topic. If you’re writing a book about a hospital, you should be aware of all the common medical terms and how to use them. If you’re writing a movie about airplane pilots, you should know everything you can about being and becoming one. Common advice is to “write what you know,” but you can expand on what you know by doing the proper research. Research from reputable sources is the best way to avoid factual errors and can save you the headache of having to rewrite with new or different information later.

Provide setup. By establishing certain guidelines for your universe, you, in turn, establish them for yourself as a writer. When an easy solution to an impossible problem comes out of nowhere, it’s considered an example of “deus ex machina,” and is generally frowned upon by critics and audiences. Provide proper setup of your world by describing earlier events and characters—enough information to foreshadow an occurrence later (so that it doesn’t seem unwarranted) but not so much you drown your readers or viewers in exposition.

Pay off the information you set up. As the creator, you must find the balance between giving your audience too much information and giving them little enough so they’re intrigued for more. You’re also responsible for making your readers or viewers understand why certain elements of a story are important. This is one of the purposes of the Chekhov’s gun plot device: If you’ve written a scene where a particular element or object is introduced at the beginning, that element or object needs to be used by the end of the story. Otherwise, your readers may feel like they’ve wasted their time or like the writer forgot about their own details. Introduce things and provide enough information so that it pays off in a satisfying way by the end of your story.

Take a break. If you find yourself drowning in illogical plot points, walk away from your writing. Sometimes, an author can be too close to their writing project in order to see it objectively. Revisiting your writing later with fresh eyes may offer you a different perspective or new strategy that could possibly help solve any issues you’ve come across.

How to Get Back Into Writing

When you first return to writing after a long hiatus, you should have a plan for building up your writing practice and getting creative juices flowing the way they once did. Here are some tips to get you back to the craft you love:

Read a lot. Nothing can jumpstart a return to writing quite like some inspiration. It doesn’t matter what you choose to read, but you may find more relatable inspiration in contemporary authors like Stephen King and Dan Brown than in classics from a past era.

Make a schedule to establish writing habits. Any published author will tell you that the secret to becoming a better writer is getting into a routine. In order to establish a writing groove, most authors write at the same time every day. Some aim for a specific word count or page count, while others simply write for a fixed amount of time. If you have a day job to balance, you can schedule your own writing session at any time of day. The key is to keep writing at the same time over a prolonged period.

Assign yourself creative writing exercises. If you want to build up your writing muscle after a long time away, you simply need practice. Creative writing prompts can be a great way to kickstart a writing practice.

Start a journal or digital document for story ideas. Nothing derails a return to writing quite like writer’s block. But you can stave this off by keeping a running list of novel, short story, and even nonfiction book ideas. The process will depend on how you work best. Maybe you prefer to jot down broad ideas, or perhaps you’re the type to sketch out ideas in great detail before you start the actual writing process. Either is fine; the main goal is to not find yourself staring at a blank page and unable to think of an idea.

Get ideas from real life. Your actual life is full of sources for writing projects. Base your main character on a family member or your best friend and use their real-life changes to guide your story’s character development. Use details about your hometown to build the world of your fictional story. Or, if you don’t want to invoke any person or place that’s too connected to you personally, take it upon yourself to do some people watching. Sit in cafes or libraries and see who comes in. You never know who might provide you with that spark of inspiration.

Comb through old writing projects. Revisit the works of your younger self and see if there’s an old work-in-progress that might be worth revisiting. Perhaps fresh eyes will give you a thousand ideas as to how to develop what’s currently on the page, or perhaps you’ll remember why you abandoned the project in the first place and turn your attention to a new book project instead.

Get ideas in unorthodox ways. If you’re still short on ideas, try random idea generation to get yourself going. For instance, pick up a great book you admire and start the first draft of your novel with the same first word. Or start your draft with a totally random word and then write a first line that puts that word in context. Try freewriting without an outline—but perhaps only as an exercise since it’s really hard to freewrite an entire book without meandering. Don’t be too precious about the story you make up. If it’s your first time back in several years, no one is expecting you to write a Pulitzer Prize winner.

Brush up your creative work as a content writer. Content writing tends to fall into two categories: marketing (particularly branding-based writing for the Internet) and technical writing that explains how to do something. Compared to fiction writing, there are a lot more paid jobs for content writers. If you can get one of these jobs, you can brush up on the mechanics of your writing—from grammar to syntax to clear explanations—and later apply that to your creative work. You can also rebuild your writing skills by blogging or just keeping a private diary.

Write for writing’s sake. The sobering reality is that most story ideas will not be published, much less end up on a bestseller list. So rather than invest a lot of time triangulating your writing for commercial appeal, be true to yourself. Write about what excites you, give it a strong point of view, and invest in the art of writing fiction for no other reason than that you love it.

Sources: 1 2 ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

Plot Holes & Other Structural Issues

Structural Edit ⚜ Book Editing Checklist

Thanks so much for your kind words! Glad to hear you're getting back into writing. Hope these notes and tips help :)

[vampyre-nights]

Leon Kennedy NSFW ALPHABET

Thought I would give this a shot. More character ramblings than horny ramblings, but those are basically the same thing to me.

This is gender neutral as shit and doesn't specify ships either so have a it

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) - Leon's a huge sub and a bottom generally, so typically he's the one receiving the majority of the aftercare. Honestly he probably cries after sex, and if he trusts the person enough he LOVES being held and cuddled. Huge yearner so he WILL press his face into the person's chest. Especially if he's being hugged tighter. Falling asleep afterward is rare for him, but if he does (like if the sex was intense enough or he came hard enough/enough times) It's quick and he doesn't stay asleep for long.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) - Leon is 100% a thighs guy. He wants them around his head. He wants to touch them. He wants to pathetically kiss them like a dog. As for his own body? Probably his lips out of everything. He can use them to give affection to his partner, and he's probably somewhat insecure about everything else.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) - He's not a fan of creampies because of the risk. He doesn't like it when it gets in his hair (he cares a lot about his hair I mean fucking look at it), but he has no real preference about it being anywhere else on him or his partner. He's a swallower :)

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) - *really* into CNC, (receiving) because it gives him such a degree of helplessness and the loss of control he craves. He's also got a hard time vocalizing his wants and needs, so it gives him a space to (pretend) like he has no say in what happens to him.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) - re2 Leon? Barely any. Mf had like one girlfriend that broke up with him before Racoon City. I know that's not technically canon anymore but it is to me. Re4 and beyond he picks up a lot of experience sleeping around and whatever. Not that he's necessarily a whore but people have needs you know.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) - face down ass up, baby. Unless he's with an actual significant other then it's cowgirl all the way.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) - honestly, the guy needs a fuckin break. Most of the time he's pretty serious with it, but if the vibe shifts a bit of he just really wants to joke around then he has no problem with it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) - I'm a firm believer in the "Leon dyes his hair" Theory to make up for Capcom's inconsistency. I personally think he's a dirty blond and dyes it darker to be emo. So sometimes yes his bush does match his hair, other times it doesn't. Honestly think that most of the time he doesn't give a shit about trimming it unless he knows he's gonna fuck. Then it's a light trim so it's not fucking out of control

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) - not super romantic with it unless he's with a significant other. If that is the case, however, then he's fairly romantic most of the time. Craves the closeness and vulnerability sex provides, so he's gonna be all over his s/o with kisses, praise (because tops and doms deserve praise too), taking it slow from time to time, etc

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) - few and far between because of his job, but he fucking goes at it when he gets the chance. Dude is pent up as hell. Incapable of going slow and taking his time with himself.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) - oh I have a *list*. Ahem- power play, praise, hair pulling, choking, minor gun kink, CNC, pet play, overstimulation, edging

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) - very simple guy. In a bed or over a counter

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) - longing stares/glances, his partner being really dishevelled and sweaty (or just had a fight or something), just looking at his partner's thighs at all, his partner taking the lead on whatever it is they're doing

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) - hates impact play toward his partner, anything more than a little teasing or an offhanded "slut" or "whore" name-calling, if it's too impersonal

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) - loves both giving and receiving. More fond of giving. Like the guy loves having dick and pussy all up in his mouth

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) - he definitely prefers a hard and slow pace, but does like it faster

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) - he doesn't really care to be honest. It really all depends on the mood and the length of time him and his partner have been apart if he's fucking an s/o

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) he'd weirdly okay with riskeir sex, and by that I mean semi-public or like on a mission. He's willing to experiment with kink but he generally knows his preferences

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) - being completely and totally honest, mf does *not* last long. He does make up for that by being able to go about 2-3 rounds back to back before being overstimulated. He's got a long refractory after that though. Lucky for everyone he's definitely into overstim like I said

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) - loves them but is sort of embarrassed by it. Logically he knows it's not really an issue, but some part of him just feels bad for even bringing them up. Especially with an s/o. His favorite are probably the wand and leg spreaders :)

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) - brattiest mf out there. Loves to talk the talk and whatever. Mostly just because he likes being put in his place, having that control 'talen away' since he's in control so often.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) - the whiniest bitch out there. Once someone gets past that brat facade, he just becomes a pleading, whining, moaning mess

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) - weirdly into collaring even outside of pet play. That and he needs music about 90% of the time because he thinks it's too quiet otherwise.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) - my buddy, my guy, you're so trans. T-guy with no plans on bottom surgery. Deffo wore tape around re2-re4, probably got top surgery some time after 4

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) - his sex drive is really high for someone who's basically isolated all the time because of being a solo agent. Maybe that's why. Regardless, he's thinking about fucking a lot.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) - oops I answered this already

[accirax]

hey! i was wondering about eden’s emotional cg scenes with teruko at the end of ep14; if eden does happen to be the culprit, how would it affect her characterisation? personally, i can’t help but see it in a negative light, one which dampens her impact on arei, teruko and others with her ‘rational optimism’ and general kindness. if eden believed arei wanted to be friends with her, and was willing to reciprocate it, would eden really kill her in cold blood?? if her tears at the end of ep14 were genuine, would it go against her ultimately being the blackened?

tl:dr: how would you justify eden’s last moments at the end of ep14, if she were the culprit? it felt truly genuine to me, but i can’t help but notice her suspicious behaviour and inconsistencies in regards to the ch2 murder :(

(sorry, i’ve never done an ask before!! apologies if this is worded poorly.)

Can Eden Still Be the Culprit (Again)?

Haha, it figures that, even if I didn't choose to cover it in my Episode 14 Dissection, I'd still wind up analyzing what was going on in that scene anyways. Glad you're curious to hear my thoughts! (And don't worry, you phrased everything perfectly!)

The truth is, I didn't initially go over it because I wanted to post my thoughts on the day after the episode aired I, too, am somewhat confused as to how Eden could say all of that and still potentially be the blackened. However, as someone who still believes that Eden could be the blackened, it's probably a good idea if I figure out for myself what the hell this scene means in the context of DRDT at large if votes for Eden are close at hand. And potentially preempt some of the backlash that might arise if they are.

Just know that I, too, think that some of my points might be a bit of a stretch sometimes. We cool? Cool. Let's get analyzing.

SPOILERS for DRDT through Chapter 12 Episode 14, as well as Chapter 2 of THH and Chapter 1 of SDR2, and a WARNING that we will (obviously) be discussing Eden!culprit throughout this post.

For Eden's words and actions to make sense under the preconception that she is the killer, I think there are only three major roads you can take.

NUMBER ONE: EDEN IS A LYING, MANIPULATIVE, SCUMBAGGY PIECE OF SHIT

This option... is not great. Everybody agrees that it is not great. I hesitate to use the word "bad," because I think that people are way too hasty to call things "bad writing" (especially before they've even happened), but... I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty bad.

Basically, what it says on the tin. Just like David, Eden has actually been a liar and a manipulator the whole time. She doesn't actually believe anything she said about optimism or the power of friendship, and was 100% using that attitude the whole time to get everybody's guards down. A character like that would have no problem saying whatever the hell she needed to say in order to get others to pity and therefore not vote for her.

I don't like this one because it fully invalidates everything that we've seen from Eden so far. For someone like David-- or, say, Nagito-- even in the midst of their big heel turn, there are parts of their previous characterization that are still salvageable. Teruko caught David being a hater on literally Day 1, and it was easy to read into his outbursts of anger and insane nosiness to expect that his personality wasn't really as bright as his stars. Similarly, even if Hajime got along with Nagito, he was still sort of a creepy and off-putting guy, and everything about his love of hope stayed as strong as ever. For Eden to suddenly turn to the dark side would truly come out of nowhere. Other than... I don't know, liking to bake?, I don't think there are any aspects of Eden's former characterization that would remain. Not that her character would remain in the story for much longer, but, whatever.

I'm going to discount this option because I have faith in DRDTdev's writing, and I don't think he would suddenly want to abandon the Eden character he's been strongly developing over the past two chapters. Again, I refuse to call anything bad writing until the Chapter at least, if not the story as a whole, is wrapped up, but there's a reason why everyone's first instinct is to hate this idea.

NUMBER TWO: EDEN IS THE BLACKENED BUT DOESN'T KNOW IT

Basically, Eden is able to be so genuine because she either forgot or didn't know that she was the one to kill Arei, but we'll still be able to convict her in the end because all of the evidence points to her. How would this work? Well, sorastar6 came up with a theory that Eden might have killed Arei but blocked it out of her memory. It could also be something where, like, someone else put her up to it and she accidentally let go of the rope or whatever to kill Arei without realizing it. (That idea is loosely based off of a-student-out-of-time's theory of David manipulating Hu to kill J-dressed-as-Arei-- hopefully if they read this, they won't mind me using their theory as a logistical basis off of which to accuse Eden 😅)

However, I don't think either of these cases are particularly likely either. The murder method is so complicated and clearly premeditated that it would be really hard to trick someone into operating it without realizing it at all. And, if Eden killing Arei traumatized her so much that she lost multiple hours of memory then you'd think she'd just... not do it. I respect the hard work and creativity of both of these theorists, but I'll be passing on this option as well.

NUMBER THREE: EDEN FEELS REALLY, REALLY GUILTY ABOUT IT

Okay, so I maybe-sorta-lied: there are probably other ways that you could interpret Eden's emotional reactions to talking about Arei's death other than specifically her being guilty. However, given that guilt was already the justification I reached for the first Eden mini-breakdown in my Episode 13 Dissection, it may not come as a surprise that I'm staying on theme.

Before, I summarized that what Eden was saying to Levi was basically what she wanted to say or already said to herself. She knows that killing Arei was "wrong," so even though she thought it was the right thing to do, she wants to always remember Arei and acknowledge her faults as a form of penance. Also importantly, one facet of why Eden might be breaking down now is because (under the theory) she only learned that Arei truly wanted to change and be her friend in the Trial when David told her. It makes her feel extra guilty now knowing that she killed someone who wasn't just her bully, but someone who wanted to be better than that.

We're going to keep that rationale in mind as we now look through everything that Eden has to say at the end of Episode 14. The only thing of note that I will have to concede is that, even if Eden isn't a liar or a manipulator overall, any time she says anything along the lines of "I'm innocent!" or "I didn't kill Arei!", it has to be a boldface lie. Sorry, I don't like it either, but there's no way around it (outside of something like option 2). I otherwise want to claim that Eden is straight-up lying as little as possible, but this was kind of a gimme. But hey, that's why I have my doubts that any of this will turn out to be true as well.

Since this is its own post and not part of the Episode 14 Dissection, it means that I get 30 images to use on just this subject, hooray!

This is certainly a softball to start this defense off on. Eden can just be confused/upset that her efforts to evade being the blackened aren't working all of a sudden.

Similarly, this is just her rephrasing/challenging everyone's thoughts. Perhaps I should have cut out some of these beginning statements, but I'm always one for being thorough.

Don't worry, this is the last of these three. I will note, though, something that I actually only noticed on this watch-through. I was aware that Teruko and David both had shots that only showed their mouths and torsos with their eyes obscured in this episode, but apparently, Eden has one too. Of course, this could go either way: these shots could be reserved for the "major players" of this chapter-- the protagonist, killer, and someone who's clearly getting extra focus-- or, it could be more of a protag/antag/support thing. Or maybe DRDTdev just decided to start using this for highly emotional scenes.

Well, given that I'm trying to throw Eden under the bus in this post, it's clearly the first of the three. Don't listen to any clowns (<- me) who might tell you otherwise. (/j)

"Hold myself together" isn't as innocent-coded as it might seem on the surface. It seems pretty clear to me that Eden feels genuine sadness over Arei's passing no matter her role in Arei's death. However, being the blackened and having to keep a secret throughout the Trial might make coping with those emotions even more difficult. Fully breaking down in grief would be bad enough as an innocent, but as a blackened, it would basically be game over. Arei's death is the cause of her discomposure, which can still be equally true if she was the one to kill Arei.

This is quite possibly the line that I have the hardest time justifying in the context of Eden being guilty. I could obviously just say that she's lying here, but as I said at the start, I want to call what Eden says lies as minimally as possible. So, what are our other options?

Nico said earlier this episode that attempting to kill Ace was "the worst choice that [they'd] made in [their] life," so it could be fitting for both of our killers this chapter to feel the same way. After seeing what it was like to kill Arei and have everyone suspect you, Eden decides that whatever her motive for killing was wasn't worth it in the end. However, now that she's in this situation, she still has to stick with her initial plan (unless she wants to just die on the spot) because she can't go back, no matter how hard she tries--

For DRDT to enter its third chapter with the cast at their most hostile and downtrodden but also only having one killer who did so accidentally and two killers who deeply regretted it would be very interesting indeed.

Alternatively (or perhaps in combination), this could also be Eden being somewhat of a pessimist. If you're a blackened, you're generally hoping/expecting that everyone other than you will die. However, only one person's death is actually guaranteed-- your victim's. (Or two people's deaths if you kill two people, but that's not important to this case.) In theory, Eden choosing to kill Arei in particular doesn't really matter, because if she won the Class Trial, Arei would die anyways. However, now that Teruko has accused Eden, reality might be setting in for Eden as her dreams of being the one to escape flit away. In that case, she may be regretting her choice to victimize Arei-- if she's going to die for her attempt, she might at least wish that Arei got to live over some others.

I think the first option is probably the best from a thematic perspective, although both options certainly have their counterarguments.

Eden's (stellar) read on the "Why?" line definitely implies that she's frustrated, which could go either way. It's equally possible that she could be mad that people are suspecting her when she's innocent, or that she's upset that everyone is suddenly hounding her when she thought she was putting up a good front.

As for her leading question, if Eden is the killer, we've already seen her subtly mine for information at least once before. The conclusion of her last breakdown was her trying to ask David what really happened between him and Arei in the Relaxation Room. Now, asking this question might be intended to either shore up arguments she hopes to defend herself against, or force other people to "concede" that there are no reasons why Eden would have killed Arei. A bit of a dangerous gambit, but it's arguably more dangerous to have to come up with justifications about unknown arguments on the spot, especially when emotionally struggling.

Not gonna lie, though, the fact that she immediately followed up "why do you think I killed her" with "I cared about her!" also slants towards an innocent read. If you really were the culprit, I feel like you would start trying to argue against some of the solid evidence that people just presented (such as Levi bringing up the information required to write that note) with evidence of your own. Instead, Eden shoots straight for the emotional defense, even though no one was arguing that Eden never cared about Arei leading into this speech. (Arturo brings up her connection to Arei, but he never directly says it was because she didn't care.) It could speak to the fact that she was fully unprepared to be accused (because she didn't do it and had no idea about the tape).

However, Eden has always been a very emotional person, and it's possible that a big part of her intended defense was to say that she cared about Arei. Another interpretation is that Eden brought this up now because it's something she's insecure about. It sort of goes back to my idea that Eden is still desperately trying to cling to the idea that she's a "good person" despite her choice to kill. If that's true, the way that Eden is perceived as the killer might be very important to her. Like, obviously surviving the Trial itself is the most important thing, but Eden doesn't want anyone to misinterpret her as a monster on her path to the finish line.

I already explained why this line was sus as hell to me:

This distinction-- between "Arei was my friend" and "Arei could have been my friend"-- could be very telling down the line. Eden pauses mid-tear-filled rant to distinguish that Arei is not her friend, not because she's dead, but because they hadn't reached that point yet. Arei is not Eden's friend in death. What can that possibly mean other than that Eden killed Arei?

This is one of the lines that makes me most think that she is the blackened in this monologue. Because, seriously, why would she not have just said "Arei was my friend!" if there wasn't any doubt in her mind?

Alright, I think that about now is a good time for me to drop the thesis I've developed whilst reflecting on Eden's behavior and how to put all of the pieces together. Should I have said it earlier? Maybe, but where's the drama in that?

Basically, for starters, I don't think that Eden fully believed that Arei genuinely wanted to be her friend. As I've said before, Arei saving Eden from Arturo happened mere hours after Arei denounced her entire personality. It's super believable that Eden might think that Arei was just using her usual manipulative tricks to make Eden look like the fool again. However, despite all that, I don't think that Eden hated Arei, either. They were just in the exact same state that they were in before-- Arei as the bully and Eden as her target-- which Eden had never hated Arei for before. Eden wanted to help her and wanted to be friends with her, as she says in this screenshot, but that doesn't mean it could actually happen. Tragically, Eden determined that Arei wouldn't be able to change while being trapped in this killing game.

After that, Eden decides that she needs to kill to escape the school. The exact motives of which have puzzled Eden!culprit theorists for months, with current speculations still being that it may either have to do with her secret, the girl she kissed, or her family, who she told Levi she couldn't imagine living without. We've got time to cook on that in the post-Trial, if Eden is the killer. However, I also don't think that we should discount how scary the killing game has become.

Let's run through the events of Day 6 again, because it's a truly terrible day for Eden:

Eden wakes up in the morning and goes to rouse Teruko, who she has to blackmail in order to even get her to consider attending breakfast with the others. She tries to convince Teruko about the value of optimism, but Teruko only tells her that her worldview makes Teruko even less inclined to be her friend. Speaking of lack of friendship, Eden's chances at a peaceful breakfast-- which she had been hoping to use to bring everyone together-- are dashed when there are three separate shouting matches going on in the Dining Hall. Eden tries to assign her associates to break up the fights, but it goes terribly-- all she does is get Arturo and J mad at her, while Veronika only makes the situation between Ace and Nico worse.

After David's plan causes Charles (who has been making some of the most progress so far) to recall his traumatic past, Eden tries to invite Teruko and Arei to a fun event to brighten everyone's moods and right her wrongs of the past. Except that, when she does, Arei rejects her offer outright and brings up some of her biggest insecurities, causing Eden to run out of the room crying. Neither Teruko, who Eden has been trying super hard to befriend, nor David, who has (theoretically) been acting in the name of harmony and cooperation, run after her to offer her any comfort.

Despite David's lack of support, though, she still decides to support him by following his idea to let Arturo know about his secret. Trying to do so nearly costs her her life. She's just one unarmed 5'2" clockmaker against a clearly agitated 6'3" surgeon with a scalpel, and she's only saved by the bully who just said that Eden "utterly disgust[ed] her in every way." Arei now claims that she'd do anything for Eden, but is that just another setup through which Arei can make fun of her trusting nature in the future...? Eden wants to hope, but it's hard to do so when the person who just saved you was the one who told you you shouldn't.

Anyways, even despite a long afternoon of Nico being outed and a long night of being stalked by probably-Arturo, Eden is still trying to help Teruko pick up her clothes when she runs into Teruko in the Dress-Up Room. But since nothing can go right for Eden today, it's then when she and Teruko hear a loud noise, and they stumble upon Ace's body in the Gym-- the second murder attempt Eden has seen today. Nico is standing over Ace, really making it look like they killed him. Gosh, if only someone had been able to talk to the two of them this morning in a productive way, instead of making things worse. Thankfully, Ace is still alive, but less thankfully, he's now a convert to killing and wants to eliminate Nico. The day ends with Ace saying that this place is worse than death and Levi-- who Eden had just been praising for being kind and reliable-- giving up on his former friend.

Are you starting to see why Eden started planning murder and picked up the tape when she did?

Looking at it through that perspective, I don't even know if Eden needs a reason outside of the killing game to want to be the blackened and escape. If we can accept that Ace's motive would be to escape the situation in which he almost died, it feels like we should be able to acknowledge that Eden could be motivated by the exact same thing.

Obviously, it's harder to believe that Eden would kill than Ace, because Eden generally cares about everybody and Ace (other than Levi, once) didn't really like anyone. However, I, at least, don't think it would be totally narratively unsatisfying for Eden's reason for killing to be that her bandwidth for caring for others was overloaded, and with no one supporting her (and at least one party actively attacking her), her fears of the killing game got the better of her, if only just for a moment.

Getting back on track, Eden's terrible awful no good very bad day has inspired her to kill, but who does she take down as her victim? Well, as we've established before, if Eden wins, everyone will die anyways, so it's not like she's really "sparing anyone's life" by not killing them here. She's already made her peace with everyone as she knows them dying. And after that, despite the care she still has for Arei, she chooses Arei as her victim because of what Arei told her after Arturo attacked Eden. But, I'll reiterate, Eden doesn't hate Arei. Instead, Eden chooses Arei because she thinks Arei is the victim that will make her look the least suspicious.

Just because Eden doesn't believe that Arei really wanted to be her friend doesn't mean that other people won't. In fact, I think that Arturo would definitely believe that the two of them had turned over a new leaf. In this situation, Eden is aware that her best path to innocence is to play up her kindhearted personality in order to lead people to believe that she would never hurt a fly. Therefore, she decides to leave the note behind so that people will hear about the story of Arturo attacking her. In my Episode 14 dissection, I was spinning my wheels trying to figure out why Eden would possibly want anyone to find that note. However, this option would create a reason why Eden would want others to read the note. The mere fact that Arei decided to come to the Playground would serve as evidence that Arei really did care about Eden, and therefore make Eden seem more innocent. Maybe she overstepped a bit on revealing so much about Arturo's secret in the note, but given that everyone seems to believe that the killer overhearing the conversation was possible anyways, it's not a huge deal.

However, there is a contradiction here that you may have picked up on. Why would Eden count on using a note to draw Arei out to the Playground if she didn't believe that Arei would actually listen to her? I raise you a new idea: who says that note was actually real?

For those who believe that Eden isn't the killer, the thought that someone falsified writing that note isn't anything revolutionary. However, if other culprits could plant that note as a fake, who's to say that Eden didn't do the same?

I believe it was demodraws606 who recently raised the question of why Eden would even bother writing a note to Arei when she could have just gone up and knocked on her door. (Apologies, I tried to find the post in which they said that but I couldn't track it down 😔) That excellent question set off the domino chain that made me think... well, maybe she did.

Eden works through the night (14 hour shifts, baby) setting up the pieces of her murder contraption in the Playground and writing a fake note that she "sent" to Arei. However, instead of sending that note to Arei, she goes to Arei's room herself and knocks on her door at, like, 7 AM or something. Eden doesn't necessarily believe that Arei will answer, but, if she doesn't-- that's not the worst thing in the world, right? It's not like she's particularly pressed about the secrets deadline, and she left herself with enough time to put away her murder scheme if necessary. Unfortunate, but assuming that she lives another day, she can try again some other time. However, instead, Arei opens the door (because, unbeknownst to Arei, she really did want to be friends with Eden), sealing her fate.

This also opens the opportunity for the scene of knocking Arei out to be in the doorway of Arei's room, instead of in the Playground. I always wondered how the scuffs on the floor would be so contained to one area near the entrance to the Playground. Like, the whole rope setup must have been at least somewhat set up by the time Arei entered the Playground, right? If Arei saw that, why wouldn't she start running away? And, in the case of Eden as the culprit specifically, would she really be able to subdue Arei in such a small area? If Arei was knocked out in her room, we wouldn't be able to see any evidence of that happening, because no one searched her room. That also leaves open the opportunity for Eden to have tossed any items she used to knock out Arei into Arei's room, where no one would be able to find them. And, hell, let's rope the glove into this, too! If Arei was never even intending to get dressed up to the level of leaving her room, maybe she hadn't yet put on her glove when Eden taped her wrists! It's weak reasoning, but it's a reasoning, at least!

(Also, if you're wondering how the scuffs on the ground could have gotten there if Arei wasn't subdued in the Playground, sorastar6 also recently made a theory that the ground was actually scuffed up after the jugs broke and the turf became wet, and it was the killer walking through a puddle that messed up the ground.)

After that, yada yada, ropes and carousel, Arei dies, investigation, Class Trial.

Eden is trying her best to just lay low and survive the Class Trial, but a wrench is thrown her way when David reveals to her that, after she left the Playground, Arei confessed to David and Teruko that she actually wanted to change. This goes against everything that Eden thought. Part of her reason for murder was that no one was willing to work with her, and now she learns that she just killed the one person who actually was? That's terrible! It can't be! David, please tell me the rest of that story!!!

At this point, you might wonder why, if Eden feels horribly guilty about killing Arei and unsure of her former conviction that the best thing she could do would be to get out of here alive, she wouldn't just confess to the crime already. Beyond her desire to survive herself, I think it could be because she wants Arei's death to have meaning.

If Eden gives up, it means that she killed Arei for no reason. She made the huge, irreversible decision to kill Arei, and then decided to throw it away when things got tough. But she won't let herself brush away the deaths she caused just because it was inconvenient for her.

She won't let her emotions take precedence over the harm that she caused.

She has to acknowledge that Arei's death was her fault.

Which means that, just like Min did, she has to fight like a proper blackened would if she wants to prove that she cared about enough Arei to believe that her life had meaning.

And that's why Eden is so insistent that she didn't kill Arei because she hated her. She isn't someone who believed that Arei was fully incapable of change, and she still cared about Arei a lot. And so, she'll honor Arei's legacy by taking to heart what Arei said to her.

Those are my general thoughts on how to justify Eden's breakdown at the end of the episode-- although, obviously, we still have more to go. That awkward middle placement strikes again, huh? But, I do think it has its benefits, which is why I'm keeping it here. We get to balance some buildup before the point with the lens of seeing some of the dialogue after the point. Let's wrap up the rest of this a bit quicker, shall we?

Since we're a while from the start, let me just issue a refresher that this post is assuming that every time Eden says "I didn't kill Arei" she is just lying. Yes, it assumes that Eden is willing to lie in a Class Trial, but I think that any 18 year old would be capable of pulling that off if their life was at stake, no matter how sweet they may seem.

This could also be another instance of Eden assessing the situation via asking a question.

This line would be tying back to the assumption that Eden's main plan for getting away with the crime (other than possibly framing Nico with the murder method) was to pull the emotional defense that others wouldn't believe that she killed. The tears could still absolutely be borne of genuine fear, but the choice to reach for help from Teruko could be her planned fallback if things got dicey. If she is the killer, then the evidence should stack against her, meaning that "belief" is her best way out of receiving votes. This is her hail mary.

"This trial has been cruel to me" is 100% right if she is the blackened who got jumpscared by knowing that Arei cared. After she initially acted against her instincts to kill for the sake of her life, she then has to face consequences that she didn't even think were possible, all while keeping a straight face. For whoever the killer is, can you imagine how stressful it must have been to have David extend the Trial for so much longer with his nonsense? (Mondo with Byakuya vibes in Ch2, honestly. The THH parallels never rest.)

Again, we're saying "I didn't kill her" is a lie, while "I just wanted to help her" was the truth. Something more along the lines of "I just wanted to help Arei, but she seemingly rejected my every effort, so I killed her but without the knowledge that my help was actually getting through to her" is what we're aiming for here.

I decided to combine these two together because I didn't have much to say about the first one on its own. One interesting thing to note here is what thebadjoe pointed out: Eden says that friends are supposed to help each other out, yet in Chapter 2 Episode 3, she was the one telling Teruko that relationships aren't transactional. What changed between now and then?

Well, this is much more in keeping with Arei's "that's what friends do" philosophy, which could either be a further indication that she was taking Arei's words to heart (for better or for worse) or that she's just desperate enough that she needs to count on Teruko in this moment if she wants to survive (again, whether genuinely innocent or guilty). It could mean nothing, but it could also be an indication of Eden's more manipulative side, if she's making an emotional argument that goes against her own philosophy just because she knows it'll strike a chord with Teruko.

(Of course, you can basically counterbalance this "inconsistency" with the one that one post (yet ANOTHER post I cannot fucking re-find) pointed out with Ace saying "I would never commit a murder of my own" with him previously saying that he was "about to commit a murder of his own" on Nico. They can't both be the killer unless something really weird is going on, so at least one of these "inconsistencies" has to mean nothing.)

Also, while I wouldn't go so far as to say that Eden is faking her tears over Arei (because that's clearly not true) there's also room for Eden to be crying here because she feels bad about manipulating Teruko, but as established before, still feels like she has to go through with it. Her acting doesn't have to be impeccable if the crying is covering up the crying she would already be doing.

'Cause sometimes, the breaks you take in between sniffles can conceal the breaks you would be taking as you struggle to lie to Teruko's face! Hypothetically.

"Please trust me, Teruko. You're my only hope."

In this hypothetical, I think we have to assume that Eden is just genuinely surprised that the super-smart Teruko wasn't able to see through her act. It might come as a shock that the same Teruko who said that Eden's kindness made her want to stay farther away would now see Eden's pleading as a sign to protect her. (Another judgment of character that Eden made incorrectly.)

And now, for the other hardest part to justify...

With the combination of the soft music (the same music that plays during the "kindness isn't weakness" scene, mind you) and the bokeh lights and the line deliveries and everything, this does feel like pretty convincing evidence that Eden is not the killer. But, if we're talking about the world in which she is, I do think that she still feels genuinely relieved here. The hug isn't directly manipulative, it's just thanking Teruko for giving her another shot at life.

Furthermore, it's a confirmation that, in Teruko's eyes, Eden still isn't a "bad person"-- at least not yet. Eden needs to continue believing that she's a good person with good ideas if she wants to have any hopes of fighting back against the cold and cruel world she was telling Teruko about. If she's become just as cold and cruel as the rest of them, then there's no way for her to be optimistic or kind, and therefore, no way to escape the grief that's haunting her. Eden has yet to learn that a good person is not gold, so that's the only world that she sees.

And, that's Eden's last line of the episode! Before we wrap up, though, I do want to talk about how Eden being the culprit would affect the story as a whole, as you touched upon that in your ask. Mainly, I want to talk about the big problem that many people have with Eden being the killer: what would happen to Teruko if it's proven that one of her closest allies is the killer again? We don't want a repeat of Chapter 1, but how do you avoid that after that hug?

As is my M.O., I'm here to argue that there are two ways you can make the situation different: by making it better or making it worse. In terms of making it better, I think that thefandomenchantress argued for it well in this post. If Eden's gotten her most desperate moment out of the way now, she might have room to be a bit more accepting in her final moments, and be able to reassure Teruko that just because she killed doesn't mean nobody is worthy of trust. In fact, Eden is so sad now because she didn't have enough trust in Arei, and look where that landed her! We could end Eden off on at least being happy that she and Arei were both able to change in the ways that the other wanted for them (Arei becoming more helpful and Eden becoming more responsible) and her being happy that at least the other students get to live.

On the other hand, you could make it worse. Venus-is-thinking and I have discussed together before how different Min and Eden's situations are, because while Min only really tried getting close to Teruko after her crime was already committed, Eden has been trying to become Teruko's friend for ages, before the idea to murder even crossed her mind. This death would be even more personal, as it can more so be argued that Teruko's lack of trust is part of what drove Eden to kill, whereas with Min, it was just that Teruko initially trusting Min opened her more up to hurt. You might argue that this would just cause Teruko to pull away even more harshly (which is still bad), but that's not necessarily the case. Maybe her breakdown this time drives her to get in people's faces so that they'll die even faster and she can rip the bandage off. Along those lines, maybe she'd even try to get closer to those she least trusts right now (like David) because clearly, her curse will cause those who she spends the most time with to die. The circumstances around Teruko have changed, which means that we can't expect the same sort of pressure to necessarily yield the same result.

As for your concerns about Eden's impact on Arei and genuine-seeming emotions, hopefully my main dissertation answers how I'd explain that ^_^

If you're wondering how I feel... well, despite everything that I wrote, I'm honestly kinda thinking that it's Ace at this point. Don't get me wrong, I think that the Eden read is still out there, but given how seemingly little time we have until the culprit is revealed, there may not be enough time to unpack anything close to this before the gavel comes down. Everyone keeps posting their polls about who people think is the killer, and I keep flip-flopping on whether I choose Eden or Ace as my answer. I wouldn't be surprised if either of them did it, except that--

Well, let's be honest. At this point, I'm going to be flabbergasted by whoever the culprit is, just because it's them.

Thank you for the ask, and see you on Friday!

[irysan]

Irysa's Retrospective on Nanoha Season 1

This post contains major spoilers for Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha (2004), and Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha: The Movie 1st (2010).

Somewhere back in the late 2000s, when I was probably about 16, I watched Nanoha, and really, really enjoyed it. I had no clue what I was going into when I started it, which allowed for its major twists to really blow me away. I loved the way it broke out of the traditional monster of the week format about half way in and became a space opera about the relationship between its two main characters, Nanoha and Fate, who I became pretty invested into the yuri ship culture online for a time. When the movie came out shortly after, I loved it too, given it was such a stunning visual upgrade compared to the admittedly somewhat inconsistent animation quality of the TV series.

I’ve enjoyed Magical Girl shows as long as I can remember liking anime, and have revisited and found new appreciation for some of of the ones I enjoyed when I was younger (Sailor Moon, Cardcaptor Sakura, etc); but for one reason or another, I’ve not been back to revisit Nanoha since I watched it all back in the late 2000s, besides occasionally rewatching the movies or showing them to friends. I could dedicate an entire post to why I had a hangup about going back to watch it for almost 20 years, but for expediency’s sake, let’s just say that I had generally struggled to feel like my fondness for it was more than a comfy memory of my first yuri ship; that I wasn't going to find anything more than a clumsier, less visually appealing version of the movies. The convenience factor of the movies compressing 13 episodes into a single 2 hour sitting meant they ended up replacing the TV series for me, and gradually overwrote my memory and understanding of the story and characters until I completely forgot that there were any significant differences between them. I had the position that Nanoha was a cool, influential show but other series had taken its ideas and done more with them. I felt that there was so much going on with the drama and characters in more modern series like Madoka Magica to the point that even trying to do a serious analysis would not be worth the time and only make me like Nanoha less.

The announcement of a new TV anime for the series during its 20th anniversary and a few other events surrounding it fortunately helped me come to my senses; after all, I’d already done the same thing for other things I’d loved a lot when I was younger and only come away loving them more. I resolved to try to give the entire series a fair, serious re-evaluation. I appreciate immensely the recommendation of a manga based off the 1st movie with a slightly altered series of events (thanks Takamomchi!). It was only 2 volumes long, but I found it elaborated on and delved into a subject I’d often found difficult to fully understand; what kind of person is Nanoha Takamachi? What connects the different, almost seemingly contradictory elements of her character, someone who embodies both the kind, gentle nature of a magical girl opposed to conflict, and the confrontational, competitive behavior of an ace pilot?

Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha Movie 1st the Comics - Hasegawa Kouji

I found the portrayal in the manga of Nanoha as a girl whose motivations and behaviors are deeply connected to her own childhood trauma to be intriguing and compelling, especially in the ways it created a contrast with her counterpart in Fate (whose trauma is a central narrative set piece of the story). But, the first movie did not seem to have any of this content about Nanoha! Did the manga invent it? Were the rare allusions to Nanoha having serious self esteem problems, culminating in the finale of the 4th movie, something that had been lost in the transition to the cinematic format?

Well, Yes!

Nanoha's malaise

I was shocked on rewatching at how much of the TV series was dedicated to something that was almost entirely cut from the movies; how uneasy, uncomfortable, and unsure of herself Nanoha is, how her friends and family view that side of her, and how hard she tries to not let them worry about her. Nanoha doesn’t suddenly become a more confident or capable person on unlocking her magical potential either, it’s only when Nanoha meets Fate that something about her starts to change, and her behavior feels a lot like a redirected expression of her previously emphasised complicated feelings! Even the lyrics of the opening, Innocent Starter, a song about shutting the world out and hiding behind a comfortable lie, that previously I’d always perceived as a song from the pov of Fate, now felt like it could equally apply to both of them!

Nanoha, far from feeling inadequate or simplistic on a revisit was only making me realise how and why it had such a big influence on many other emotionally intense, pain fueled stories in the genre that followed after it.

The final scene on the pier in the last episode that has always made me cry whenever I watched it. Going through the TV series and watching it again, it was stuck in my head for days afterward. I thought a lot about why it impacts me so much. And it helped make a few final important pieces really click for me about Nanoha herself, and why this scene means a lot to me.

You have warm hands...

I think this scene stands out a lot because it is a scene of contrasts, where Fate (stoic, love starved) is engaging with positive emotions and smiling and feeling uplifted whilst Nanoha (expressive, from a loving environment) is breaking down and crying, she's experiencing catharsis.

It's relatively easy to intuitively understand why Fate is smiling. She is expressing agency and reaching out and engaging with someone she perceives as an equal, and getting positive feedback. (She has had good influences in her life like Rynith and Arf, but as familiars, they by default serve and respect their master.) Fate's only source of affection from another human was her mother for the first days of her life and implanted memories that she comes to understand are fake. Her mother abused her in ways that made her view engaging with others as transactional; conditional affection was perpetually set on requirements that she could never meet. The only reason she was willing to believe that her mother would ever love her again is the faint memory of it once happening. She was incapable of trusting anyone else because of her trauma, and viewed herself as not even worthy of being cared for.

Fate is now experiencing what it feels like to move past her trauma and take a chance on trusting someone, it going well (instead of her mother punishing her for even considering it), and being allowed to explore that feeling in a safe environment. She is learning what it means to feel joy by expressing vulnerability, and coming to know and feel that she is not alone. She is coming out of her shell.

But why is Nanoha crying? Well the surface read is that she is experiencing a sense of relief from the anxiety and worry held in her heart for Fate. This is true! But Nanoha's deeper childhood trauma is a huge element in what has driven her to this moment too. Nanoha does not start reaching out to Fate purely out of the kindness of her heart, and she does not continue to keep pushing to get through to her out of a sense of commitment or moral responsibility (although, yes, she is a kind girl with a strong sense of justice!).

Extremely normal things to think about someone who just nearly killed you Nanoha sees something of herself in Fate from the very first time they meet. It's in her eyes. Nanoha becomes, quite frankly, obsessed with Fate, because despite everything, Nanoha is incredibly lonely too, and struggles to accept this fact about herself. Her life is so idyllic, how can she feel so uncomfortable? Why is she lonely? Because she doesn't feel like her own pain is valid, and thus never opens up about it.

It feels like a throwaway moment at first, but when Nanoha's brother and girlfriend discuss how she seems to be down lately, they talk about how Nanoha never talks about it when she's worried about something. It rounds off with a platitude about how she'll be fine/she'll figure it out.

oof

But she isn't fine, and she hasn't figured it out! Nanoha was traumatized by the circumstance of her father nearly dying from severe injuries, the impact that event had on her family, and the resulting circumstances of her upbringing (being left alone most of the day, every day as her mother works to support three children and her siblings look after and help their sick and overworked parents). She was isolated, felt like a burden, and became frustrated with her own inability to help her family cope with the situation. She still hasn't been able to move past that period of time in her life.

"I'm not lonely, because I'm used to it."

Across the TV series, we see her express this through frequent moments of internal discomfort and uneasiness, a simultaneous sense of disconnect and overwhelming responsibility to the people around her. Her frustration with herself turns into guilt and self loathing, her genki attitude starts to represent something she's desperately trying to be, so as to not make people not worry about her, rather than how she feels deep down. In turn, the seemingly contradictory behaviors she expresses in her competitiveness and refusal to back down from a fight (to a self destructive extent), represent an expression of how heavily she feels the weight of her obligations to others, perpetually holding herself to a higher standard to push away the feelings of inadequacy.

Nanoha becomes fixated on Fate because she subconsciously understands that Fate is a way for her to come to understand herself. She feels compelled to reach out and understand her, and to have Fate understand her in turn, because Fate's trauma feels valid and close to hers, because Nanoha won't deny the feelings of others, only herself.

None of this dialogue is in the movie!

When Fate tells Nanoha, whilst wiping Nanoha's tears away

"I think I understand something now...when you see a friend crying, you feel the same sadness."

Nanoha begins to cry so hard she can barely stand. She feels seen. For the first time in her life, she feels like her pain is real and valid, because Fate is someone she can believe understands how she feels. Her internal self denial starts to turn off and the years of repressed pain are being let out and purged. She is learning what it means to experience relief and catharsis from sharing her vulnerability with someone else, just as Fate is learning to feel joy from sharing hers. Together, they are not alone.

A girl who has only ever been told she's not good enough, and a girl who has only ever told herself that she's not good enough; coming together to help each other break free from their painful pasts, and embrace a happier future together. What is love besides souls trying to heal each other?

Ah, I'm crying again... When I first watched this show as a very queer repressed and depressed teenager, I don't think I understood how powerful what was going on here was. I don't think either Fate or Nanoha do in this moment either! But as their tears flowed, and so did mine, and I never forgot about it despite growing older and more distant from the source material.

It spoke to my own similar struggles then, trying to conform to something I wasn't, and crushed by weight of responsibilities I couldn't live up to; even though I didn't really understand what I was going through. And it speaks to me now as an adult, where I understand and have managed to overcome those struggles, something I was only able to do by putting my trust in my best friend and now wife Holly, who helped me to start to believe in myself. ...did I mention Holly's favourite colours are black and yellow...

Revisiting Nanoha in 2025 helped me understand something not just about Nanoha as a character, but myself. I'm really glad I came back to this show, and now more than ever, I think it will always hold a special place in my heart.

[autisticayano]

yandere simulator ayano art

and also kind of a rewrite thing that i have in mind at the end of the art stuff

lo and behold ayano art (done with mouse!) the uniform is ib one of the concepts of yk the uniform. i found the idea super cute and i always wanted to draw it and now i did!!

(also take this as a better redesign compared to the old one,, i feel like my style for ayano is very inconsistent but what i have now is more her ykwim?? that doesnt mean i dont like to put her in pretty clothing though. she deserves it and i like making her wear stuff shown here and here,, you can see the difference in art style but nevertheless its still ayano)

the uniform concept vv

getting into the why this outfit instead of the regular one they have: i simply think this is way cuter! it gives a better vibe compared to og

rewrite concept section

i think ayano would be relatively the same. she still starts off as practically emotionless girl barely feeling anything but the complex secondary emotions on a small scale (bitterness for example). in this she's also autistic and has OLD. (bear with me bear with me). (i also like "aishi condition" aspect i wont lie because of the supernatural undertones of being cursed is actually cool but in this it's more like an add-on than anything) like in her lore video her childhood was not the best and she felt nothing. she didn't feel guilt, she didnt feel as if she were real and she felt as if she were an abomination throughout her childhood because there was something 'wrong' with her. in this rewrite concept, the doctors werent specialized in dealing with OLD (because its not medically recognized as a problem) or autism (afabs are typically masking and are often cast aside when looking for diagnosis because majority of researchers use amabs symptoms specifically instead of looking at the whole spectrum) because of this she was bullied and seen as "not normal" by her peers. (people find her off-putting still in akademi because they arent able to read her face since she's masking like all the time unless she's with taro) in this i imagine that ryoba claims its a condition that majority of the women in their family faces (they just arent diagnosed) and that she will find something that will help "complete" ayano in the future. and so not only does she have trouble unmasking, she still feels as if something (someone) is missing within her life. this is what she thinks because it was what ryoba also went through. that "something" is eventually found out to be taro.

upon bumping into him and her being faced with kindness it made ayano fall in love with taro. because she's never felt this way about anyone before,, she feels extremely overwhelmed being near him and gets extremely nervous and whatnot. (sometimes if she gets too close her emotions are actually SO overwhelming and everything is happening so fast that she verges on a mental breakdown) essentially being around taro makes ayano feel like she isnt hiding behind a mask that she cant drop AND makes her feel like a normal person (for the most part anyway, she still is easily overwhelmed.) unfortunately, due to OLD she's faced with some intrusive thoughts and feeling of possessiveness especially around other people that like taro because she feels like her only source of being normal will be ripped away from her.

i think that ayano in this concept would be angry towards the rivals, yes, but not enough to genuinely commit murder. (barely anyway. intrusive thoughts are very strong and its hard sometimes to fight the urge to give in) sometimes she would have the weapon, poison etc etc in her hand but when she's near her target an overwhelming sense of disgust washes over herself. ayano rationalizes it by talking to herself that "taro would be upset and would probably reject me if i killed her" or "taro might come in here and-" basically she uses taro as her pillar of support even if its her own feelings that make her disgusted in herself.

that doesn't mean she's not weirdly possessive over taro. she borders on basically stalking him because being near his presence is enough to make her day better (as i said before- the masking is easier to go away because taro's presence is calming)

on another another note, ayano is bisexual and asexual here,, if taro were taeko she'd still be the same way. she doesn't want to have children because in her mind she doesn't see a point to it. she thinks that her child has a high possibility of coming out like her and thats a thought she wants to entertain. plus sex is so whatever.

notes:

ayano is 5'7,, both jokichi (6'0) and ryoba (5'8) have taller genes on both sides of their family compared to the avg height.

ayano's favorite color is pink and gray. pink because that color stands out more when she's with taro, and gray because its taro's favorite color

while she doesn't actively kill people she's still not on the morally just side of things. in this concept one of the worst things was kidnap musume for ransom in order to indebt kokona to her or drugging a couple people (#girlthings)

she has above average grades but she isnt an insane genius prodigy like kaga or whatever.

she is (unwillingly) in the student handbook for a uniform guide (you would think it would be the student council but they have a totally different uniform so)

she still killed that cat like in the lore video

this isnt really important compared to the rest but she only eats vegetables raw

she DOES end up with taro. they get married in the future even.

she's still a lil freak tho (pos)

happy reading!

[morphean42]

The mystery of the second child

Now isn’t that delightfully dramatic! In the first instalment of The Marvin Trilogy, a few In Trousers songs mention the existence of another kid between Trina and Marvin besides Jason, and this post will offer a few explanations as to what this means. It got… long… so for the sanity of everyone here’s a read more

Explanation One:

This is the most boring one, and it is simply that William Finn wrote In Trousers, changed his mind while writing March of the Falsettos, and nixed the existence of any children besides Jason. The rewritten version of In Trousers, which came out in 1985, removed the songs in which Trina mentions another kid, and added songs like “Packing Up” and “I Have A Family” specifically reference only the existence of Jason, which is proof that Finn simply decided to retcon the idea of multiple children. While this is also most likely, I want to delve into reasons within the universe of The Marvin Trilogy for this inconsistency as well.

Explanation Two:

I don’t personally believe this one at all, but it’s worth stating: it’s possible there was a death in the family. Trina references ‘the eldest’ and ‘the baby’, and due to the fact that “Your Lips and Me (Reprise)” takes place once Marvin has left Trina for Whizzer, the eldest is arguably Jason. So, it’s entirely possible that the baby dies at some point between the end of In Trousers and the beginning of March of the Falsettos.

The problems with this? They don’t mention it at all in the show, and while it could be interesting to explore, the loss would have a profound effect on all the characters and it isn’t plausible to not be a major component of their arcs. Another problem correlated with this too is that In Trousers and March of the Falsettos overlap with each other, or at least occur very very close together. Whizzer and Marvin are together at the end of In Trousers, the baby is alive, and by March of the Falsettos (which personally I believe starts right after, quite literally weeks later), they’re dead? It doesn’t add up, even if the shows theoretically take place, at most, eight months from each other

Explanation Three:

One of the children is meant to represent Marvin. This solves the issue of the child existing at all, and due to the lyrics Marvin could metaphorically exist as either.

If Trina is referring to him as The Baby, then the lines ‘the baby is crying on the swingset’ and ‘the baby’s wailing’ could be references to how volatile and emotional Marvin can be. The swingset may be a correlation to the idea of a game that is so often used as a metaphor for sexuality and personhood in the trilogy.

If Trina is referring to him as The Oldest, then the lines ‘the oldest drinks wine’ and ‘the oldest is kicking ass’ could simply be jibes at the fact that he’s an adult who is acting as a child. Obviously, kids should not be drinking, and while they do get into fights, the other line could be a reference to less physical altercations such as the ones between Trina and Marvin.

Personally, this is my favourite solution, as it ties into “Trina’s Song” and “March of the Falsettos” with Marvin acting childish, especially in Trina’s eyes (which is the viewpoint of “Your Lips and Me”). However, depending on which child Marvin is supposed to be, one gets conflicting views of Jason. If Marvin is the oldest, then the lines referring to the baby can easily be attributed to him, but the other way works too. If Jason is the oldest, then the kicking ass could be in relation to chess, or misbehaviour in school, and the wine could be a metaphor for how old he acts despite his young age.

There aren’t cons to this theory, per se, besides the fact that I don’t think William Finn intended this interpretation as evidenced by the rewrites. The only problem is the later when Trina sings ‘so he kissed the two boys’ as Marvin leaves, directly stating there are two sons. I don’t know how to work around that line in this explanation, besides saying the other boy is some convoluted metaphor for Trina and Marvin’s ideal life.

Both Trina and Marvin live vicariously through Jason in ways, shown in “Year of the Child”, and are extremely invested in how he turns out. Of course, they’re parents, they want him to be a successful human being, but their flaws as parents are meant to show how they place unreasonable expectations on him, wanting Jason to be their perfect little kid, as well as an emotionally stable adult. In this way, the ‘two boys’ could be seen as both Jason and another fake son, a Jason that is everything all three of them fail to be. This hypothetical son could be a metaphor for heterosexuality, perfectionism, and the patriarchy, all of which Marvin is effectively leaving behind… that’s a bit of a stretch though, I’ll admit.

Explanation Four:

There could be another child in the family, but they simply aren’t relevant to the plot. This is boring and feels like a bit of a cop out, but could work to explain everything. Jason exists in the second two works in the trilogy due to his fears of becoming like his father, and also to explore Marvin’s character arc. At the core of it, Marvin needs to be a good dad before he can be (or start to be) a good person; the final song of March of the Falsettos is “Father to Son”, the whole point of Jason is to show how children are hurt within these familial disputes.

So, one could argue that if Jason is the eldest child and Trina has recently given birth to a baby, this baby would not factor into the plot as a character at all. He wouldn’t have a personality, wouldn’t contribute to Marvin’s arc as a father (nor the rest of the characters relationships), and having a prop baby on stage would just be difficult, so it simply doesn’t get mentioned.

Again, I don’t like this, because like the death theory, having a newborn or young child would impact the way these characters act with each other. Trina would feel more abandoned than she already does due to being left with a baby, and Jason would have to contend with not only losing his home structure by his father leaving but by no longer being an only child. It would be an interesting AU to explore, but doesn’t quite work in canon (in my opinion).

Explanation Five:

Trina’s views on her children are skewed. This is the most plausible besides three, I believe. Mothers often continue to see their kids as younger than they are, using language to reflect that, so it’s possible the baby is meant to be Jason, as she still thinks of him like that, and the eldest has left the home to go to college.

This works within canon as it would make sense not to reference another son when he’s theoretically very far away and grown up, at least partially. This eldest kid is not as affected by the events of the musical and therefore doesn’t need to be acknowledged by the characters who are presumably used to this absence in their lives, the oldest having been at college for some amount of time.

This also fits within my personal timeline, which places the events of Marvin leaving Trina to occur over the summer, so the line ‘he kissed the two boys’ makes sense, as the other son would be visiting home for summer.

However, there are obviously holes in this theory. Depending on how old Marvin and Trina are meant to be, they would have had a son in High School and be at least in their late thirties for the child to have grown up to college age. I think Trina and Marvin don’t reach late thirties or early fourties’ until after the end of Falsettoland, but that’s my own interpretation.

Another issue is, of course, why the oldest boy isn’t at Jason’s bar mitzvah. This is a pretty big deal, and you’d imagine he’d be invited back. One could argue that they celebrate the bar mitzvah in the hospital before the official date that was set, due to Whizzer’s illness, but personally I do think the bar mitzvah takes place on Jason’s birthday or at least whenever it was supposed to occur. Due to the timeline of the AIDS crisis, we know Jason’s birthday and Whizzer’s death have to happen in the fall or winter of 1981 (theoretically Whizzer could have died in the summer, but by July only eight or so men had been hospitalised due to what we now know were AIDS complications, so it’s unlikely he was with the very first victims in the summer). This means there aren’t any finals for the oldest kid, and if it had been important to the family he could have been brought home for the bar mitzvah.

These are simply my ideas, although the only one that truly makes complete sense is of course that William Finn just changed his mind. If anyone else has another theory I’d love to hear it!!

[neo-my-geo]

Hey gang, it’s your old pal Neo here. If you know me, it’s probably from one of the several very stupid TF2 comics I’ve posted to Tumblr.

However! I am also an English major (unfortunately). One who has read millions of words worth of fanfiction in their life. I have been part of the Sherlock, BNHA, Disco Elysium, and, of course, TF2 fandoms; I’ve been around the block.

The further I’ve progressed into my English education, the more I’ve noticed which mistakes are the most common in fanfiction. Many of them are easily fixable; writers just need to be pointed in the right direction. 

“Neo! Does this mean you think people shouldn’t be allowed to post their works online without a background in formal English education?”

Of course not! I can explain why if you’d care to venture below the cut with me!

Yes, I will explain how to use commas.

It’s important to note that this is NOT a post about formal writing. You aren’t writing an essay. Please, for the love of god, do not write fiction like you’re writing an essay.

There are no stakes to writing fanfic. No one is going to get hurt if an author doesn’t know what a dangling participle is. One of my favourite things about fanfiction is that it’s one of the only art forms left that’s done exclusively for fun! You should write what you enjoy, and share what you make with like-minded people. 

What I want to do is provide assistance as best I can to writers who want to improve their fundamentals without having to take the same university courses I did. Nobody is going to be getting a formal education to write fanfiction unless they’re ridiculously dedicated, and I’m not expecting that of anyone. 

The point I need to stress is that knowing these grammar fundamentals can instantly improve the flow of your writing. Punctuation is a ridiculously important tool for writers, ESPECIALLY in fiction. Commas, semicolons, and full stops (including periods, exclamation points, and question marks) steer the pacing in the reader’s mind; did you notice how your brain stopped for a second after that semicolon? I can show you how to do that.

You may be wondering why I’m going through so much effort to teach all of this to strangers on the internet. The answer is that I enjoy sharing this knowledge with others and helping them grow. By seeing this, my goal is to help you become more proficient at self-editing. Showing this to people who actually want to learn will, hopefully, benefit the community as a whole, and I think that’s very worth it. 

Also, while this post is obviously themed around TF2, the points I’m making can be applied to any fiction. Grammar is for everyone, and the church of the semicolon always has room for more initiates. 

Also also, as an edit, I should clarify that this is meant to cover the more objective facets of self-editing, which is why I'm mostly covering punctuation. Maybe I'll do another post about using adjectives someday.

With that out of the way, let’s get going!

I’ve teamed up with several English teachers (real ones! One of which may or may not be my mom!) and an editor to gather a list of the most common problems we see in amateur fiction. This post is going to be split into three broad sections: apostrophes, commas/semicolons, and other common problems. 

The apostrophe

This section is short, but it holds weight. Other than commas, apostrophes are the most typoed grammatical tool in any fanfiction I’ve edited. This is because, much like the rest of English, the rules surrounding them can be annoying and inconsistent. 

Apostrophes have two main uses: possessives and conjunctions.

A possessive is a word that denotes the ownership of one thing over another. The vast majority of the time, this is done using an apostrophe and an S.

There is, however, one glaring exception to this rule, and it’s the bane of my existence. 

When denoting possession of an object over something else while using the pronoun ‘it,’ you do NOT add an apostrophe before the S.

A conjunction, on the other hand, is when a writer uses an apostrophe to combine two words. The following are examples of common conjunctions:

What’s (what is)

They’re (they are)

It’s (it is)

Conjunctions are not often used in formal writing. Thankfully, we aren’t dealing in formal writing. Go crazy.

Time for a lightning round of the most commonly mistaken for each other possessives and conjunctions!

Your is possessive. You’re is a conjunction of ‘you’ and ‘are.’ When you can’t decide which one to use, imagine replacing it with ‘you are’ and seeing if it makes sense. If it doesn’t, use your.

Their is possessive. There indicates a location. They’re is a conjunction of ‘they’ and ‘are.’ 

The comma and the semicolon

You knew it was coming. I knew it was coming. It’s time to talk about commas.

Commas and semicolons are far and away the biggest grammatical hole in the toolset of fanfiction writers everywhere. They’re often treated like the rules surrounding them are complicated and difficult to understand, but the exact opposite is true! 

The big issue I’ve heard time and time again is that the rules of commas are often explained through metaphor instead of example; this means that writers everywhere have slightly different ideas of how you’re supposed to use them. The fact of the matter is that, yes, there are correct and incorrect ways to use commas. Knowing when they’re appropriate and when they aren’t is easily the fastest way to bring your writing from looking amateurish to sounding professional and experienced. 

In order to know how to use a comma, you must first understand the difference between a dependent and an independent clause. 

An independent clause is a section of writing that functions perfectly well as its own sentence. It MUST have both a subject and an action/verb.

A sentence without an independent clause is known as a fragment, and they’re the bane of English teachers with highlighters everywhere. 

A dependent clause is a section of writing that does not have both a subject and an action; it does not function as its own sentence.

Now, let’s say you want to combine the two. When joining a dependent clause to an independent clause, the order in which they are placed is crucial to whether you use a comma or not. 

When joining a dependent to an independent with the independent clause first, you do not need to use a comma.

When joining a dependent to an independent with the dependent clause first, you MUST use a comma. 

Keep in mind that, if one strives for total grammatical perfection, all narrative sentences MUST have an independent clause. This, however, does not apply to dialogue. Human beings do not think about whether what they’re saying is a dependent clause, and neither would the vast majority of fictional characters. Don’t be afraid to break the rules of grammar as long as it’s contained within quotation marks. 

Alright, that’s the easy part. Time to learn about joining two independent clauses. It’s semicolon time, baby!

If you join two independent clauses without properly using a comma or a semicolon, it is a run-on sentence. You do not want these in your writing. They’re awkward to read and mess up the flow.

When joining two independent clauses, you can use EITHER a comma or a semicolon. You just need to follow these rules:

If you’re joining two independent clauses with a comma, you MUST use a joining word (and, but, so, etc.) AFTER the comma. 

If you’re joining two independent clauses with a semicolon, you do NOT need to use a joining word.

Did you know that a sentence with a comma counts as its own independent clause? This means that you can make a sentence that includes a mix of both without it being a run-on! Just make sure that, no matter what, the semicolon is between two independent clauses. 

Still, try not to write more than two clauses in a sentence too often. Sentences with a lot of punctuation are very attention-grabbing, but shouldn’t be overused. Full stops aren’t your enemy and variety is the spice of life. 

It’s also important to remember that you should avoid using more than one comma in a clause (with the exception of the rule below). That part loops back to the 'avoiding run-ons' bit.

It’s really that easy! 

Commas are also used in informal writing to inject a separate thought or descriptor mid-sentence without breaking the flow by adding a period. This is often used when describing the perspective of a character experiencing something in a story, but not (usually) when using omniscient perspectives. 

The final issue I frequently see with commas in fanfiction is in regards to dialogue. Sometimes you end it with them, and sometimes you don’t. What gives? 

Well, my friend, the answer is, thankfully, much simpler than the previous section.

When following dialogue with a dialogue tag, use a comma instead of a full stop. If you’re continuing the previous sentence after the tag, use a comma after it as well. 

Note that a dialogue tag is a short phrase that identifies the speaker. It isn’t a complete sentence on its own.

When following dialogue with an action that does not serve as a dialogue tag, use a full stop instead of a comma. 

Other common problems

This section is dedicated to putting specific grammatical errors into words, along with how to solve them. 

Not sticking to the chosen point of view

Always choose your point of view before you start. Is it in the first, second, or third person? Is it omniscient or limited? Does the point of view switch during the story?

First person perspective is told as if the POV character is directly describing their experience to the reader. The character uses I and we to describe their own actions.

Second person perspective is told as if the reader is a character in the story and their actions are being described to them. This is the rarest, and the most difficult to write.

Third person perspective is the most common and the simplest to write. The events of the story are a separate entity from the reader altogether and the narrator uses they/he/she/it pronouns for characters. 

Omniscient perspective means the narrator of the story knows all, including the thoughts and feelings of each character. 

Limited perspective means the narrator of the story only knows what the POV character knows. 

Past and present tense

When you decide between writing a story in past or present tense, it is crucial that you do not switch between them unless it is narratively intentional. Reading a past tense story that mistakenly switches to the present tense is like being pulled out of the room someone is telling a story in and suddenly taking part in it yourself. It’s disorienting and gives the reader unwanted pause.

Overly-long paragraphs

A common adage spread by English teachers is that most paragraphs should be at least eight sentences long. This is great advice for beginner essays. You’re writing fiction. 

If you have a new thought, start a new paragraph! A concise and well-read single-sentence paragraph is infinitely better than one that drags a thought for too long. Aim to have a blend of paragraph lengths when you write, alternating between the descriptive and the punctual. 

Dangling participles

A dangling participle is when a word is used to describe a noun that isn’t actually present in the sentence. Much like how a sentence without an action isn’t grammatically correct, neither is a sentence without a subject. 

Malapropisms

A malapropism is when an author mistakenly uses one word or phrase instead of another similar-sounding one. I’m not about to list every single malapropism ever made, but these are the ones I notice most often:

To comprehend is to understand something, to apprehend is to arrest someone, and to be apprehensive is to be anxious or fearful of something bad happening.

Could care less means you do care. Couldn’t care less means you don’t.

A lot means a large amount of something. Alot isn’t a word and you shouldn’t use it.

The only real solution to using malapropisms is to make sure you fully understand any words you use in your writing. Never guess, and make sure you always google it. Having beta readers also helps.

If you made it this far, congratulations! You now know the most common errors in amateur fiction and how to solve them! Thank you for listening to me complain for two thousand words. 

The most important thing to remember is that it’s okay to make mistakes. First drafts are always gonna be a little bad. The real key to success is knowing what your end goal is, and how you plan on achieving it. Here’s hoping this was a helpful tool for that!

Shoutout to @salmonandsoup for helping me think of the list of issues to address! You're a real one. Also shoutout to my mom, who doesn't have Tumblr. Also the third person. You know who you are.

[gold-rhine]

Inazuma Rewrite part one

This is bullet points rewrite for Inazuma general plot structure, bc I think it had so much potential, but was horrifically scuffed in game. If I keep something from canon unchanged, I’ll just say so without retelling the entire thing to keep the length down, bc it’s gonna be A LOT already.

Some disclaimers: I’m not trying to fix every single problem, just what I see as major structural failures. I will reference my problems, but you can read my explanations on them more in depth in my “inazuma ranting” tag.

This is also not envisioned as free for all fanfic where I can write whatever I want, but aimed to be actually feasible to see in game, bc it’d be unfair and I want to show that Inazuma could be improved in the same constraints that hoyo writers had. So please don’t ask why I didn’t do wildly inconsistent thing that would be cool, but genshin would never actually do.

I’m aiming to retain all relevant lore and achieve basically same worldstate in the end, including character arcs, for the most part, because I presume them to be integral to the larger strategic plotline of the game. Which means I can’t drastically change characterization and major plot beats like the decrees, rebellion, Raiden has to be a sympathetic ally in the end, etc. I’m also trying to keep genshin’s general tone and modus operandi, bc like, target audience includes 13 yolds and I can’t just “make Inazuma good” by turning it into like, a gruesome and complex power struggle of political factions like Fallout New Vegas.

List of main issues I want to address: pacing in general, rebellion pacing especially, lack of impact and continuity of effects of vision loss on people, lack of setup for the stasis vs transience aka ei vs makoto conflict, character arcs: raiden, ayaka, kazuha, kokomi, yoimiya, kujou sara. And more! 

Initially I wanted to make a single post, but it’s already 3k and I’m only up to Raiden’s first duel and I plan to cover post-archon quest content too, like Raiden and Yoi story quests, so I decided to split it up instead of posting like 20k monstrosity. So remember, this is for now mostly a setup.

EDIT: Part 2

Raiden’s motivations\Reasons for vision hunt

Ok, so one of the biggest principal changes is that vision hunt and sakoku decree are active Raiden’s decisions, instead of Fatui’s plot that she’s just passively allowing to happen. Raiden closed the country, but she’s ok with Fatui starting a civil war and selling delusions, bc it doesn’t “affect eternity”, like??? I honestly think that the current plot of her people dying in a civil war meant nothing to her is much worse than her starting vision hunt decree out of misguided plan to ultimately do better for people.

I mean ok, we have to have closed borders to reference Japan’s history, sure, but like, the whole point of isolationist policies like this is to prevent the outsiders’ influence on the country. So she should not be ok with Fatui schemes at any point.  

I mean, if it was fallout new vegas AU, I’d keep it to show that dictator doesn’t not care about foreign powers exploiting it’s people as long as it profits the empire and helps to keep people subjugated, but like. Then raiden can’t be uwu waifu. So we gonna give her good intentions and integrity, but misunderstanding of humanity due to closing herself off instead.

Now to why would she close the country and institute sakoku decree. I want to tie this in with another plotline that is just. Kinda floating at sidelines at the moment, but I think could work nicely in tandem. The Scaramouche destroying Raiden Gokaden, the five schools of weapon smithing, which were canonically highly valued by Raiden.

I’m not gonna recount Scara’s entire plotline, but basically he went on a misguided crusade against Raiden Gokaden and managed to cause fall of 4 out of 5 weapon-smith schools.

Game says that he like, tampered with the schools and covertly led to their ruin, which like?? They never found anyone guilty, like the most prized weapon art smiths of your country fall apart and you’re like oh well, I guess Yashiro commission is just bad at it’s job?

There is a plot point in this story where Isshin weapon smiths, unable to replicate a faulty design that was Raiden’s commission tampered by Scara, were scared of Raiden’s wrath and decided to flee to Snezhnaya. I want to change it to be that there is an event, where ALL weapon schools receive same commission at the same time, and Scara tampers with it.

Just as in canon, scared smiths, but now from 4 schools, not one, are manipulated by Fatui to flee to Snezhnaya, But we add a new NPC, the most talented blade smith who had a vision. Fatui frame him as the ring leader, as if they were running not to save their lives because of the tampered design, impossible to fulfil, but that this was a betrayal because of his ambitions.

After this, Raiden has legitimate cause to feel like her eternity is threatened. She sees weapon art schools, one of the most prized country’s traditions being ruined in a moment because of what she thinks is ambitious hubris of one vision holder, who colluded with outsiders. So she closes Inazuma and declares a vision hunt, to prevent this from ever happening again.

But ironically, in truth it was the fault of not just Fatui, but specifically a puppet without a vision that she herself created and failed to supervise. This brings the main idea of the plotline from “Fatui evil, Raiden passive” to “Solipsist goddess who doesn’t understand humanity tries to protect her people by locking them in stasis and taking their ambitions, but the real case of tragedy was her negligence and lack of empathy all along, and this is what needs to be changed.”

Interlude and plot setup

We start with similar plotline. Traveler tries to go to Inazuma, learns that it’s closed, talks to Inazuman NPC to learn more. Here we’re introduced to the general idea that Inazuma was closed off due to one traitor blade smith with a vision who sold off Raiden Gokaden to Fatui.

We go to Beidou’s tournament, which goes basically the same, we meet Kazuha and watch a beautiful cutscene about his dead friend who challenged Raiden to a duel, and now Kazuha tries to find someone who can reignite his vision. I will actually add changes to Kazuha’s storyline, but it be will later.

then we arrive to Inazuma, go through the same bureaucracy loops with Thoma on Ritou, to show the barriers to outsiders and also to illustrate how Thoma is the best fixer when he manages to drop a fee from 1 mil to like 10 gold by promising to have a dinner with government official.

But we’re cutting the second part of Ritou, with the boring plot about like merchant from Mond scamming people with the local police and then Traveler delivering love letter or whatever. I mean, we can keep this as an optional side quest, if like hoyo thinks the lore about love letter is essential for the Ayato’s quest or smth, but not as an Archon quest.

Instead, we put a part of Yoimiya’s quest there. I think Yoi’s quest is relevant enough to stay in the Archon quest, unlike Ayaka’s, but it’s slapped into a place where it ruins pacing. So instead, we’re cutting it up in parts and inserting it into main storyline.

On Ritou, while doing bureaucracy bullshit, we meet Yoimiya, and play the part of her quest about her helping a guy with a vision to escape from his former best friend, who is now a guard hunting him. It helps to show the rift that vision hunt brings not only with the outsiders, but with inside of the country as well.

Ghost of Makoto\Transience setup

another key point that I think is integral to fixing Inazuma is planting seeds for Makoto’s reveal from the start. I really like the Stasis vs Transience conflict from raiden’s second story quest, where raiden believed in eternity as lack of change, a perfect state maintained until the rest of time, while her twin Makoto believed in eternity as never-ending change, where people’s dreams constantly evolve, nature of them chasing these dreams never changes.

but it feels like it came out of nowhere and raiden just speedruns character development in like an hour, so a lot of people ended up feeling like it was just about Raiden mourning her sister, instead of raiden coming to understand makoto’s belief system and through that unlocking makoto’s final connection and then being able to let go.

so we need to first of all, introduce makoto’s ideas of transience from the start, and also empathize the conflict of them with raiden’s stasis.

and it doesn’t mean we’ll spoil the reveal about the second raiden shogun! we don’t have to ever use makoto’s name, just her title as a raiden and sprinkle her ideas throughout the land. We know hoyo area designers can do that stuff really well (guizhong’s relics being scattered all over liyue, rukkhadevata’s shadow in the aranara quest).

like, it’s strange that Makoto primarily ruled and shaped country by herself while Ei was just a warrior, yet we do not have Makoto’s influence visible. We need to add ideas of transience into fundamentals of Inazuma,

“Transience is the dream of the nation of thunder. We find the greatest joys in mortal life in fleeting dreams, for is life itself not like the shadow of the thunder? Pursue your dreams into the clouds if you wish, and enjoy the unexpected silence of the dim lamp-lit nights.” - Guide to Transience talent book.

add these ideas all over the place, esp near sakura. And let’s draw player’s attention a couple of times specifically to the internal contradiction of these ideas of transience being integral to inazuma and raiden’s current hatred of change.

like, we need even 13 yolds and twitch streamers to remember this, so lets make paimon say like

“Huh, this shrine to raiden shogun says that eternity is the pursuit of fleeting dreams, but doesn’t raiden shogun fucking hates dreams?? I wonder, what made her change her mind about them to the total opposite!“

this and more subtle puzzles\locations with focus on transience for people who pay more attention will add the much needed setup for makoto’s reveal

Kamisato siblings

ok, first things first, Ayato being absent without any explanation while his little sister is plotting treason and his malewife Thoma is about to be executed on the streets is unacceptable.

like I know it’s marketing or whatever and he’s not being released but we need his model, hoyo. If we 200% CAN’T have his model, we need to come up with solid excuse why he’s not here. Like idk, he’s helping the war refugees or smth

And we need hints at his presence\influence throughout the story. Like oh, here’s group of refugees who were helped by Yashiro commissioner, they are relocating to new homes, I guess Ayato is really busy. Oh, here is Fatui’s camp where everyone is slaughtered and boba tea cups are littered around, I wonder what is up with that.

and also, Ayaka is organizing resistance behind his back, and we never meet him bc Ayaka actively tries to hide traveler from him.

bc like, Ayaka doesn’t have a development arc in archon quest. She’s just kind of there, being perfect. Like in her story quest that hoyo makes you do at gun point, you like, go on a date, learn that she’s lonely and has trouble connecting with people due to the pressure of having to project an image of perfection and societal distance, do an investigation to uncover her late mother’s fox fursona roleplay diary which she used to cope her with own societal pressure. Which like. Ok, sure, but but this wet socks quest is not an archon quest material. It should be just a normal story quest.

no, Ayaka’s real conflict is wanting to prove herself to her brother, bring real difference to the world. This is her ambition, she literally gained her vision while fighting Ayato in a training, she wanted to show him that she’s strong enough to handle responsibility, he named her Shirasagi Himegimi after she won that fight

but during a civil war, watching people suffer, her role as a cultural figurehead is not enough. She wants to help, but she’s afraid to act, because this will undermine Yashiro Commission and her brother worked so hard to build it back up after Raiden Gokaden fall. so she organizes resistance behind her brother’s back in secret, to help, but without compromising Kamisato name

this basically tracks with what happens in game, but we spell it out and expand on this later.

Getting Traveler to help

next, let’s throw out the weird edging introduction where traveler is not allowed to see Ayaka the first time. like??? bro, we’re friends with 2 archons and heads of their governments, you’re not that important. and it can’t be to protect her identity, bc like. You go to Kamisato estate! You’re told who she is! If you wanted to betray her, that would be enough already.

another awkward thing is that Traveler, who agrees to do every stupid quest they meet, suddenly refuses to help the resistance.

I think we should reframe their convo a little, like Traveler says hey I’d love to help, but my primary goal is to get info about my sibling from an Archon, so I don’t want to go against her.

To which Ayaka says oh, I totally get you, you see, I am myself a culture figurehead and a nominal princess and I can’t speak up against the decree, bc that will hurt Yashiro Commission. But I’m not asking you to fight Raiden Shogun in a duel or smth, I’m just asking you to help people with the resistance, which we do totally in secret. No one will know! Also, how are you going to see Raiden? She’s locked up and doesn’t appear in public. But my big brother is a head of the Commission, if anyone can get you an audience, it’s him. So help me help people and I will ask him to help you see Shogun!

she secretly believes that after traveler sees ppl suffering, they will change their mind and help willingly, same as in canon, but she’s more subtle about it

Rebellion connection

my other problem with vision hunt is that the 3 quests they force you to do about meeting people who lost their visions are like. not good. The concept is interesting, but they are just kinda boring and meandering. They lack dramatic impact. They could do better. So we’re not doing these 3 quests rn, but don’t worry about it, we will get to the effects of vision loss

Instead, ayaka sends us to help Yoimiya and we do the same quest we do in archon quest - help her to free someone from prison dungeon. It goes the same, we get to the dude being mistreated by cops, Kujou Sara steps up and lets us go

But then it’s like, we need to get this dude out of Inazuma city. Cops know he escaped! They will just come for him again! There is only one place that will take him and it’s the watatsumi rebels.

Common complaint about Inazuma is that other countries feel like found families and Inazuma doesn’t, bc characters from resistance and rebellion basically don’t interact, and it’s true. And like, we can get them together! Thoma knows Kazuha, Kazuha knows Gorou, Gorou in canon went to recoinsanse missions to Narukami island.

So, Gorou visits the tea house to pick up the Vision Dude, and the gang has the hotpot meet up. Everyone is there (except Kokomi bc ok hoyo, we’re saving up for dramatic battle reveal, and i think her reveal would fuck up banner schedule). Ayaka, Thoma, Yoimiya, Kazuha, Gorou. and Teppei! Who is here bc he was recruited by Gorou. He’s actually from Narukami island, not Watatsumi, and he had nothing to do with visions, but he’s an idealist, he believes in freedom, so he joined rebellion. fun times are had, Ayaka tries to play srs bsns lady host, but breaks into giggling at The Shenanigans, Gorou is overly polite but adorable and apologizes to Ayaka about The Shenanigans in which everyone but him participates, Yoi is a life of party and the Shenanigans and later has to be bodily stopped by Kazuha from organizing fireworks right here, right now, Thoma and Teppei both get sick from eating Ayaka’s nasty cakes that she threw into soup, bc Thoma is just into oral stuff and Teppei is so earnest and eager to prove himself and impress ppl, haha comic relief, look how sweet and funny this guy is and all characters get along so great with him

bc like, I think Teppei has a problem of a) not having enough screen time b)not having any interesting characterization moments to make him stand out 3)not having other playable and already likeable characters interact with him

so this scene can serve not only to bring that “unlikely bunch of people becoming friends and working together” connection to life, but also to endear Teppei to the players

Vision Loss Effects\ Yoimiya and Thoma

ok, next Ayaka asks Traveler to do that one quest about martial arts master losing their vision. I think it’s the one quest from 3 about vision loss with most drama, but the real reason is that it introduces Yae Miko and we need to do this before leaving for the rebellion. Like, in theory, it could be switched to another, better quest that lets us meet Yae Miko, but honestly, this is not one of Inazuma archon quest problems so I can’t be arsed. Feel free to imagine a cooler intro instead.

when we go back to tea house, we learn that Yoimya’s vision has been taken away. She has been recognized in that last prison raid and the guards came for her later, and she didn’t fight bc there were kids and her old father around.

She’s completely changed. Her innate optimism, her belief in people and their dreams has been drained from her like a sunshine from a dark cellar. But she’s still Yoimiya!! She came here to warn you bc she still cares even if she had her own joy taken from her. She tries to smile and reassure you that it’s ok, she’s fine, but her smile is visibly strained, she’s never had to fake it before so she doesn’t know how. She wears a vision, but it’s a fake one, because her pops said that maybe having it here would help and she agreed, tried to pretend for him that it does help, bu. It very obviously doesn’t.

Ayaka is horrified. She apologizes to Yoimiya, tries to think of ways to help her, but Yoi just laughs humorlessly. “It won’t ever touch you, princess.”

She’s immediately disgusted at herself and apologizes, tries to take it back, this isn’t her, she would never say this, and not to her friend! But also, it’s so hard to care now and she can’t remember why it’s so important to care at all.

Ayaka is shaken. Bc it’s true! She is a privileged noble, vision hunt will not come for her! She is playing at the resistance from the safety of anonymity, while people like Yoimiya actually risk themselves and pay the price!

And this is when the news that Thoma was arrested and about to be 100th vision taken at the feet of the statue comes. Tenryou commission truly strikes back.

Ayaka is in uproar. She’s ready to go herself and fight for Thoma, especially after Yoi’s words. She’s sick and tired of being a perfect princess, she can’t allow any more of her friends, her family come to harm because they don’t have her protection. Clearly Thoma being a theatrical execution is a blow specifically against Yashiro commission and Kamisato family in particular, and if Shogun has beef with her, well, she can settle it with HER instead of going after her friends!

Traveler stops her. This is what they want. If Ayaka openly moves against the Shogun, the entire Yashiro commission falls. Even if Ayaka is in the right! No, it’s the Traveler who will go to save Thoma

But traveler needs raiden’s good will for the info, they can’t confront raiden openly, it was the deal from the start!

But at this point traveler has seen too much, the divide in the country, the change and suffering of their own friends, and they can’t allow all of Yashiro commission take the fall.

This is when the Traveler decides to take a stand.

ACT 2

[flying-mochis]

I just finished the Silmarillion so now it's time for me to loose my mind trying to discern the timeline changes in Rings of Power

mostly I was trying to figure out which "war" it was that Celeborn went missing in

but first I wanted to ground myself by figuring out when Finrod died- except that also isn't clear...

This is a very long, unedited stream of consciousness post, so I'll put it under Keep Reading. I also didn't really fact check any of this just going off my recent memory of just reading the Silmarillion so- If I got stuff wrong...woops

TLDR: Though Finrod originally dies in the Silmarillian during the Beren and Luthien, I think the RoP writers have changed his death to be sometime after the defeat of Morgoth as he's hunting Sauron. I think Celeborn went missing sometime before Finrod died, either in the Nirnaeth Arnoediad (before the Fall of Doriath) or in the War of Wrath (the final defeat of Morgoth). Ultimately who knows but I'm excited to see what they do :)

In the Silmarillian, Finrod dies around late year 400 in the 1st Age protecting Beren in Of Beren and Luthien. He is killed by Sauron, as Sauron throws them in like a pit of death thingy.

but in Rings of Power, when Galadriel is giving exposition in the beginning, she basically says 'Then Morgoth was drafted, but Sauron continued to cause problems, and my brother vowed to hunt him down, then he died.' So it sounds like RoP Finrod survived the War of Wrath against Morgoth, but then died hunting Sauron afterwards.

This change would call into question how the events of Beren and Luthien played out in the RoP timeline- I guess it's not necessary for Finrod to die into order for that story to still have worked? Like maybe Luthien saved both of them or maybe Finrod never went with them. But...Part of the fall of Doriath in Hurin getting Finrods fancy necklace from Mim the dwarf after he's taken over Finrod's Kingdome in his absence- so if Finrod survived up to the fall of Doriath and past that- how would that work? I'm sure it could, there are ways to work around it so the story can still play out with those changes- or maybe they changed more major parts of the story like the fall of Doriath! That would be bold but not out of the question.

Maybe it's also possible that Finrod did still die during the Beren and Luthien story but that just happened after the defeat of Morgoth? IDK if that makes sense, because then how would Thingol have gotten the silmarill that leads to the fall of Doriath and all that stuff with Earendil and Elwing-? that has a lot more continuity changes so less likely.

Ok, moving on from Finrod. His death is at least canon from the Silmarillion, but Celeborn going missing is not. Or at least, it isn't mentioned. But one thing about Galadriel and Celeborn is that they were retconned into the story after most of the Silmarillion was written, so their presence it is extremely spotty and sometime inconsistent. It's basically mentioned that they fall in love when Galadriel and her brothers go to Doriath and she stays with him in Doriath while Finrod finds his kingdom, Nargothrond. Then she's mentioned talking to Melian like once after that right before the Dagor Bragollach (one time Morgoth surprise attacks a bunch of elf cities) and then...They basically disappear for the rest of the book until it starts talking about the rings of power in the 2nd Age-

So...There's already a lot of missing spots in there story. That's one of the reasons I think it's cool they made Galadriel a protagonist in RoP, because what she's doing in those times is very vague, though more so in the 1st Age than the 2nd- but her character could still shed some light on what she was doing then- Especially when Celeborn is introduced, cuz that's gonna require some background explanations.

So that's all just to provide the context that there is barely any context for what those two were doing before RoP takes place.

Another note about possible timelines for Celeborn going missing is its relation to Finrod's death. This is not confirmed, but I've always worked with the assumption that Celeborn went missing before Finrod died. This is based on some factors- such as Galadriel's seemingly more cheery nature when she calls him a "silver clam" before he goes off to battle---This doesn't sound like the traumatized, hardened Galadriel we know from her response to Finrod's death. Also, as other's have pointed out, if Finrod had died before Celeborn went to war and Galadriel had already become a warrior, why wouldn't she have gone to war with Celeborn? It's possible they were just going to different locations, but I don't think she would chide him to not join the fight is she was also doing so.

Running with that assumption- If Finrod did die saving Beren as he did in the Silmarillion, that means Celeborn would've gone missing in some battle before then, maybe the Dagor Bagollach. This would mean he would have missed out all everything with Beren and Luthien, everything with Turin, and everything else with the fall of Doriath at the hands of dwarfs and elves. Which I think would be a shame. There is still conflict in having missed out on a significant tragedy, but I think having him witness all those tragedies would be more interesting- and his bitterness towards dwarfs would be more understandable if he was physically there to witness their betrayal and slaughter of his people.

As I've said, its possible and probably likely that they'll change it so Finrod died much later, and this is another one for my reasons for thinking that. Aside from the other plot holes that creates, Finrod dying after the defeat of Morgoth opens up to possibilities for which battle Celeborn went missing in, so I'll continue with that assumption.

So, let's start with what Rings of Power canon we know. Not a lot, but in Celeborn's one mention in season 1, Galadriel says "When he went to [the War], I chided him." So he didn't go missing on some personal quest or whatever, he specifically went off to fight in "the war". One issue this raises is that Celeborn is from Doriath, and Doriath doesn't give a fuck. Doriath does not send any of its people off to any battles in the Silmarillion until it starts falling apart. The closest we get to Doriath elves fighting is when they hunt down the dwarves that killed Thingol and then defend themselves from the dwarves and the sons of Feanor.

One way to get around this could be making it so Celeborn and Galadriel left Doriath at some point to operate on their own. Maybe they went to live with Finrod in Nargothrond (I think it is mentioned that Galadriel stayed with Finrod there for a while, but Celeborn isn't mentioned? And I don't remember if that's in the Silmarillion or one of the unfinished tales- which are more subject to flexible canon). In which case, Celeborn could've gone off with Finrod to one of the battles- This is an interesting idea as it could show Galadriel and Celeborn being more independent and maybe dissenting from Thingol after his sus decisions with Beren and Luthien. The next battle after that story would be the Nirnaeth Arnoediad, the unsuccessful battle with Morgoth right before the Fall of Doriath. The problem with him going missing in that battle, again, would be him missing out on all the drama of the Fall of Doriath.

The second explanation for Celeborn going to war would be that he goes to fight after the Fall of Doriath. It makes sense that he would be more willing to fight after seeing the destruction of his people, even if that wasn't directly at the hands of Morgoth. Galadriel's joking disposition may not make as much sense in a setting after her husband home was destroyed and his family was slaughtered- but maybe everything still felt lighter back then as long as they were together. The most likely battle he went missing in after that would then be the War of Wrath itself, the final defeat of Morgoth.

Another possibility is he went missing during the Fall of Doriath, but that wasn't much of war as it was a siege, and I feel like Galadriel would have at least tried to help out in some way in those circumstances.

Overall, the two most likely battles I see him going missing in are the Nirnaeth Arnoediad (the 2nd to last attack on Morgoth) or the War of Wrath (the final defeat of Morgoth). The Nirnaeth Arnoediad, or some earlier battle, may make more sense for Galadriel to not go Celeborn as they hadn't experienced the tragic loss of Doriath yet, but I guess the same could be said for her not going with Finrod later.

I think I prefer him at least surviving up to the War of Wrath, as that means he was around to see the Fall of Doriath, and experience all the ~fun~ trauma of that, which is one of the things that could make him more unique as a character.

There is also the question of if Celebrian is even born yet and if so, where she is. As Galadriel and Celeborn's lives are so vague in the first two ages, so is Celebrian, their daughter. I don't think we know for sure when she was born, but I believe it is mentioned in Unfinished Tales that Celebrian was alive and with them by the time they first went to Eregion. Obviously much has changed as neither Celeborn nor Celebrian were present for the fall of Eregion in Rings of Power.

Personally, I don't believe Celebrian is even born yet in RoP. As other have pointed out, Galadriel starts the series as one who has lost everything, one who has no ties and nothing left to lose. This is fundamental to her hunt of Sauron and her eventual fall to the manipulation of Sauron. It doesn't track that she would be doing all this while she has a living and present daughter to worry about or keep her grounded. It's possible both Celeborn and Celebrian are missing. I feel like should would have mentioned that to Theo when she told him about Celeborn, but she's also managed to only mention her supposedly dead husband once in 16 episodes, so clearly she's a master at putting those particular traumas in boxes to never be spoken of. I feel like having both of them be missing to show up later would be a bit too cluttered and it'd be smoother to just say she isn't born yet, but anything's possible.

I'm pretty sure the "canon" about Celebrian being born before the fall of Eregion is from Unfinished Tales anyway? Which I think of as more like a draft of Tolkien's ideas for the family, not canon in the sense of the SIlmarillion or the published stories.

Lots of "canon" falls apart around Galadriel and her family as they were added in so late and Tolkien seemed to die before writing his "final" story for them. And this is an adaptation, they aren't meant to follow "canon" like the gospel anyway, as we've seen. As I've said, the very lack of solid story around Galadriel and her families experiences through the first two ages is more exciting than anything, as it leaves so much room for the writers to get creative them and write a thrilling story that we haven't seen before. This is a chance to shine light on characters that fall under the status of "unfinished" in Tolkien ever-changing world, such as Celeborn. The only "canon" (Silmarillion) information we have on Celeborn for the 1st and 2nd Age is that he lived in Doriath during the 1st Age, he was somehow related to Thingol and later Nimloth, and he and Galadriel were in love. There's other supplementary, unpublished notes that either expand on these traits or straight up contradict them.

Based on letters nearing his death, Tolkien was clearly still thinking of how Galadriel's families story could go, but as he never "finished" with them, if such a thing is even possible, we'll never get that "canon" story from him. So it's up to us- or, in this case, it's up to the writers of the Rings of Power. So we'll see!

Wow, that was a long-winded way to say "I dunno"

[vryfmi]

there's one major thing that's been nagging on me about l&co adaptation ever since my first watch: if we were to get season 2, how would they set up the conflict of THB?

i can get behind some of reinterpretation of characters and their mannerisms, character traits (i.e. Lockwood dressing less formal and not being a know-it-all, Lucy being less hateful towards George, seeing Kipps as he's actively losing his talent, George Karim being iranian and being very close to his culture in a form of cuisine), some are good, as a fan of books i'd be eager to get to know these characters along side their book counterparts.

but alas, i can't see these characters as the same characters in both medias because too much of their characterisation was changed, and it's really hard to blame on pacing or the lack of screen time. it's the writing. some changes going as far as making me question, what were they supposed to do with this groundwork in the second season.

how would runners set up a conflict of L&Co overworking themselves after gaining fame over solving the bone glass case and accepting all calls they were getting, if show!Lockwood out right says in episode 4 that he's not interested in boring cases? not only does it get rid off of a major characterisation of Lockwood as someone who's, yes, in it for fame, but most importantly he became an agent to "avenge" his family. avenge isn't even the right word, i think. he doesn't want others to be fallen victims to a visitor, doesn't want to see other people lose their loved ones, lose their family to ghosts. not only does it make show!Lockwood rather vain and only fame driven, instead of someone dealing with deep personal trauma, but also loses one of the key points of Holly's introduction to the team. (i also love the reading of LW naming his agency Lockwood&Co as something less selfish and more about him paying a tribute to his family, that without them and visitors taking them away from him, he wouldn't start his agency and wouldn't be able to help other people.)

speaking of Holly's introduction, what exactly would have been her role at the start in the show? L&Co don't seem overworked from the 4 cases they had (2 related to TSS out of 4 in the book, Wimbledon gallows + Bickerstaff's, not counting Wilberforce's ghost and a bunch of not mentioned in dialogue cases i. e. Mrs Barrett's tomb). that already solves the problem of trio not having free time to do chores around the house. but say show says "and now they're overworked" instead of showing, sure, but it doesn't get rid of George's stress cleaning habit.

Holly was introduced as a help, as a support to the way L&Co was already running and over the books she became more than just an assistant but a beloved part of the team. without proper reasoning as to why Lockwood & Co had to get an assistant, Holly's introduction could be messy and unprompted, something like checking a box in the list of what has to happen instead of making it story driven. something like what happened to skull's character.

and a final thing that im iffy about is the ending of the first season. somehow show rushed through and speedran Lockwood's suicidal arc as well as managed to call it out by the end of show's TWS storyline, where books didn't show any progress even by the end of TEG.

but im saying call it out, not resolve. i'd actually appreciate it if show made an effort of showing that such tendencies and lack of self-preservation aren't just resolved in a second, someone saying "stop being suicidal" doesn't magically fix everything. and yet, show still speedran things, especially given that events of the show happen in only 10 days instead of a year, and Lockwood's already made very aware of his reckless behaviour aka throwing himself in danger for people, and, what's even more questionable, for people he barely knows. which, again, contradicts his character and the way he navigates trauma.

these character and plot deviations and inconsistencies may not seem critical at first, but they might build over the course of the series and lead to a complete shift in overall narrative and spirit of L&Co as a story. which i wouldn't want to see as a fan.

to put it simply, i can see why fans want for show to be picked up for a second season, but i can't see how writers could make it coherent because they wrote themselves into a corner.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Ken White for The UnPopulist:

In modern America, defamation cases—like war—are the continuation of politics by other means. The politics in question can be anything from ludicrously petty to historically consequential. Americans use defamation claims to fight everything from social media spats to rap beefs. Increasingly, America’s rich and powerful—especially President Donald Trump—use them to attack political opponents and to litigate political disputes over who won national elections. Notice that I didn’t say we use defamation claims to resolve those disputes. Most defamation claims ultimately fail, and almost none of them reach trial. But winning often isn’t the point. The point is inflicting ruinous expense and suffering on the defendants and soliciting attention, support, and sometimes fundraising for the plaintiffs. It works. That’s why you see rich and powerful people increasingly abusing defamation lawsuits—sometimes dressed up unconvincingly as fraud lawsuits—to harass political enemies. This is a grave threat to free speech and the people who do it—like Donald Trump and Elon Musk—are ascendant. Trump, who has long favored bogus litigation as a weapon against his enemies, has been on a censorial bender. In the last year alone he: sued a pollster for bad poll results; CBS for supposedly editing a Kamala Harris interview to make her look better; and ABC and George Stephanopoulos for bungling a description of E. Jean Carroll’s sexual abuse verdict against him. Musk, meanwhile, has sued both Media Matters and the Center for Countering Digital Hate for reporting about hate speech on X.

The Justice System Is Broken

Political litigation works because the justice system is broken. It’s cheap and easy to file a defamation complaint, even a big splashy one. I could draft one in 20 minutes and file it in state or federal court for less than a thousand bucks. But it’s ruinously expensive to defend a case, even if the claim is bogus. It costs a minimum of tens of thousands and up to hundreds of thousands of dollars to defend a civil suit in America. When Donald Trump was awarded more than $300,000 in attorney fees for defeating Stormy Daniels’ defamation case at an early stage, litigators weren’t surprised. The vast majority of Americans cannot possibly afford to defend themselves if someone sues them for their speech, even if that speech is clearly protected by the First Amendment. This is bad for everyone, not just the folks who get sued. When a lawyer sends you a threatening letter demanding that you take down a Facebook post or retract a letter to the editor or apologize for a comment, giving in may be the only economically rational choice, freedom of expression be damned. It’s cold comfort to know that your free speech rights would be vindicated at trial if it will bankrupt you to get to that stage. Moreover, penury isn’t the only threat. Whether you win a defamation suit or lose, you’ll suffer the whole time. Litigation is humiliating, terrifying, and will destroy your health, your relationships, and your joy in life. I’ve never had a client enjoy litigation. They’re always grateful for it to be over.

[...]

State Anti-SLAPP Statutes Aren’t Enough

Numerous states have followed California’s example and enacted anti-SLAPP statutes. Ohio just passed one this month. Unfortunately, their quality is inconsistent; some states’ statutes protect only a very narrow range of speech or lack the procedural protections that make statutes effective. There’s also a bigger problem: state anti-SLAPP statutes don’t apply to federal claims. Even worse, the different Circuits of the United States Court of Appeals disagree for arcane reasons about whether state anti-SLAPP statutes apply to state claims heard in federal court. Drake sued UMG in federal court in New York, which has a robust anti-SLAPP statute, but UMG won’t get its benefit because federal courts in the Second Circuit don’t apply state anti-SLAPP statutes. The same goes for Texas, within the Fifth Circuit, a popular defamation tourist destination—Trump sued CBS and Musk sued Media Matters there, thwarting defendants’ ability to use state anti-SLAPP laws.

Fortunately, there’s a solution: a federal anti-SLAPP statute that would apply in federal courts across the nation to both federal and state claims heard in federal court. This is the most effective way of thwarting forum-shopping litigants who rush to Texas to suppress speech. It would mean that performative, retaliatory lawsuits like those filed by Trump and Musk would be halted in their tracks and, if meritless, dismissed. The defendants could recover fees and feel justifiably more secure in their speech rights. Plaintiffs without deep pockets would be deterred from filing bogus cases in the first place. Anti-SLAPP statutes have already proven effective in thwarting the powerful—consider Elon Musk’s humiliating loss against the Center for Countering Digital Hate, or Sheldon Adelson’s loss to the National Jewish Democratic Council. In both cases, the defendants prevailed through an anti-SLAPP statute.

Congress has repeatedly considered federal anti-SLAPP statutes, but they’ve never passed one. In December 2024 members of Congress from both sides of the aisle proposed a new one. It has strong and diverse backing. It ought to pass on its merits. After all, both parties pay lip service to free speech and purport to oppose frivolous lawsuits, and there are plenty of nonpartisan stories of financially ruinous and frivolous litigation. This can be spun in a way that appeals to everyone.

Yet the proponents face a grim political reality. Donald Trump has a compliant Republican Congress that is sensitive to his extreme tenderness to offense. Even if backers don’t spin the bill as a rebuke to Trump’s habit of bad-faith litigation, Republicans may perceive the bill as such. Trump himself has a long history of wanting to make it easier, not harder, to sue for defamation, repeatedly saying that he wants to “open up” libel laws to allow aggrieved plaintiffs to “sue them and win money.” The bill’s sponsors need to find a way to frame this fight so that it flatters his ego, or he’ll veto it out of pique.

But nobody promised fighting for free speech would be easy. Anti-SLAPP statutes are so stunningly effective that it’s worth our time to agitate for this one, even under these grim circumstances. The Public Participation Project will continue to promote anti-SLAPP bills in Congress law and provide information about supporting such bills, so follow them. Nobody likes a bully. Bullies like SLAPP suits. Regrettably, America is overrun by bullies—and some of them, like Donald Trump and Elon Musk, have absolutely no scruple about abusing the legal system to punish their political enemies. Support state and federal anti-SLAPP statutes to help stick a thumb in the bullies’ eyes.

Anti-SLAPP laws with real teeth are needed, because malcontents like Elon Musk and MAGA acolytes are using it to silence dissenters against their wicked and Satanic agenda.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

🦇‼️ (so I can find myself)

AITA for sleeping too much?

I (20M) have a boyfriend (21M) who is in college while I currently have a retail job. I usually work 40 hours a week- occasionally more or less depending on the time of year -and this combined with my boyfriend being in college means that we don't have time to talk or hangout as much. I text him on my breaks, but when I get home I frequently fall asleep pretty much right away. My job has inconsistent hours (sometimes I go in at 5am, sometimes I go in at 2pm) so my sleep is also inconsistent.

My boyfriend has started getting upset by this, saying that me sleeping means that we can't talk as much. The problem is that I can't hold a conversation when I'm tired like that. I'm autistic and introverted so conversing is already a mentally draining thing (yes, even when talking to someone that I like) and I also have major depression so I'm always fatigued. My boyfriend knows this and is still sending me paragraphs about how upset I'm making him and how selfish it is to expect him to form his schedule around my naps (I don't expect this but he wants to talk so he feels like he has to, is what I think he means).

It has started to become a problem because I *do* talk to him when I can but then he ends up bringing up how upsetting my sleeping habits are and then I get stressed and don't want to talk anymore. I have started avoiding talking to him sometimes at this point and getting irritable with him and I can't tell if it's a me problem or not. I can get defensive and easily angered when I'm especially depressed so I can't really gauge how rational or irrational I'm being right now.

I'm starting to think that I might not be cut out for dating. I will be honest and say that I haven't made much of an effort to change my sleeping habits, so the problem, of course, is still there and we are still arguing about it.

That said, am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[mahou-furbies]

Closing thoughts on Magia Record Scene 0

Scene 0 has finally ended! Or the translation I've been following has been completed. To those who don't know, it tells the Madoka Magica story, but the point of view of a new character Mabayu, who for some reason keeps her memory through Homura's time loops and can move while time is stopped. And since we all know how the Madoka plot goes (right?), the main story here is the mystery of Mabayu having lost her memory of why she is already a magical girl.

(spoilers)

First things first, the whole premise conflicts with what I think is one of the core points of the Madoka Magica drama, that is, how Homura had to do her thankless time looping job all alone and became increasingly isolated because of it. But here it's "revealed" that she had a buddy all along, with whom she became very close friends and who is eventually cast as the reason why Homura is able to keep going on in the first place. The whole thing considerably waters down her devotion to Madoka, when most of the story is about how she bonds with Mabayu. And then there's also the inherent awkwardness of inserting a brand new nobody to the story you already know, to whom the characters you've known for a decade become the side cast.

Then again, that is the premise, so you just have to make peace with it if you want to enjoy the story at all. And in fact I like Mabayu a lot, so I'll take it, though I'll have to consider everything a non-canon super AU (even within the canon's actual AUs). There was also the other problem though that some of the stuff was kind of fanservicey, and not in the horny way but in the superficial "let's put the whole cast in maid outfits for no particular reason" way. But I was a fan of some of it, like Nagisa being un-witched in one time loop, so fine.

I don't know how much this is about what the story actually is and how much should be blamed on me not paying enough attention, but in the end I think there's still plenty of holes in the story. Like we learned how Mabayu became a magical girl and what how her personal magic power works, but I didn't understand how her memory doesn't reset through the time loops and why she can move when Homura stops the time. Also the way she erased other characters' memories was inconsistent, she had to cut Sayaka's memory all over again in each loop, but when she cut Mami's, the effect was carried to the next loop. And I guess it was explained how the final resolution worked (duh) but I don't think I quite understood.

That's a lot of complaints but I did have a decent time with this actually, and that is because I really like Mabayu. She's the kind of character I'd really like to see more in magical girl stories: low energy, kind of lazy and self serving, passive and loner but not in an edgy way, and it was interesting to see her grow to be more heroic. She also has a lovely voice, and it turns out the same actor also did Ha-chan whose voice is also great. She also had really good dynamics with the main cast, and I especially like growing friendship between her and Homura, they had good banter with Homura being super serious all the time, and their growing friendship was touching. And she had some interesting stuff going on with Sayaka and Mami too.

And while I complained about the whole premise being about rewriting canon, I also think there were some worthwhile additions. For example in this version Mami used to recruit other girls to become magical girls with Mabayu, and the guilt from that is a major reason for her breakdown when she learns the truth about witches. On one hand I prefer the version of a seemingly strong character actually being weak and emotionally unstable, like she's been through a lot and doesn't need a more noble reason for her breakdown, but I think the Scene 0 version is also interesting.

Ultimately the ending left me somewhat sour with how inconclusive it was. Mabayu cut herself from everyone's memories (including her own), but it feels like there's a ton of stuff about her that's not resolved. Like she's still able to move during Homura's stopped time and doesn't understand why, she's still a magical girl even if she doesn't remember it, becoming friends with Mami again doesn't lead much anywhere if she's going to die to Charlotte in a few days… If the idea is the bittersweet knowledge that Mabayu made a difference in the Homura-Madoka story but nobody can remember it, it doesn't work for me since I didn't really get what her contribution was. Or I guess it was pretty clear how important Mabayu's presence was for keeping Homura sane through all the failed time loops but that was like my number one issue with the premise, so maybe I'm just incompatible with the whole story to begin with.

Still I had a good time following this as the translations came out, I was eager to see where the plot would go and watching a short video every few days didn't require that much from me. Though I do think the story was too long for its own good and especially the early loops could have been condensed.