#This is based loosely on a story I haven't finished but still work on a bit here and there between Top Gun stuff

[stranded-ziggy]

Higgs || 80s Alternative Universe

You can find it on my INPRNT.

And you can also find some process pictures and the original sketch on my Ko-fi.

[rynwritesreid]

Mind games~Spencer Reid

Chapter two: Could have been me

Chapter summary: When you don't show up to work the morning after your argument with Spencer, Hotch sends the team looking for you as your life could be in danger.

Chapter warnings: Fem!reader. Kidnapping. Mentions of possible murders. Typically cm case stuff. Reader is bound and gagged(but nothing else is mentioned).

A/N: This is loosely based on the episodes where the team were been stalked but I have put a little spin on it. I'm going to take a little break, not for long just a week or two, but I won't be checking my Tumblr as much. I hope everyone enjoys this. If you're not on the taglist, and you want to be, you can either comment or follow the link (Which I still will be checking). Anyway, Jag älskar dig.

~mind games masterlist~

~join the mind games taglist~

“You know, she told the girls what you said to her, Spencer.” Derek interjected, his voice filled with a mix of concern and disappointment. “She looked up to you, I mean she basically saw you as a god. You and her could make an amazing team, but instead you dislike her, because she is on the same level as you.”

 

Spencer's face softened for a brief moment, his features betraying a flicker of regret. He hadn't realized the impact his words had on you, nor the way it would spread through the team like wildfire. It wasn't his intention to hurt you. In truth, he had been wrestling with his own demons, battling insecurities that had plagued him for far too long.

 

"I didn't mean to..." Spencer began, his voice barely above a whisper. But before he could finish his sentence, JJ interjected, her gentle tone cutting through the tension.

 

"It doesn't matter what you meant or didn't mean, Spencer. The damage is done," she said, her eyes filled with disappointment. "Y/N deserves better than this."

 

“Look, I regret what I said to her, I do. And yes, maybe she deserves better than what I said, but did she tell you what she said to me?”  Spencer paused, his voice laced with a mix of frustration and vulnerability.

 

Derek and JJ exchanged glances, sensing that there was more to the story than they initially thought. Spencer's voice trembled with a mix of vulnerability and frustration as he continued.

 

"She told me that I act like I believe I'm better than everyone else, that I flaunt my achievements," he admitted, his gaze focused on the ground as if the weight of his words were too heavy to bear. "But she doesn't know the whole story. She doesn't know the insecurities that eat away at me every day."

 

Derek's expression softened, understanding dawning in his eyes. "Spencer, we all have our battles," he said gently. "But taking it out on her isn't the answer. You two could be an incredible team if you just gave it a chance."

 

“I’ll say sorry to her, but I doubt she’ll want to work with me after all I said to her.”

 

Derek placed a hand on Spencer's shoulder, offering a reassuring squeeze. "You won't know unless you try. Y/N is resilient and understanding. And if you show her that you truly regret your words, she might surprise you."

 

*

 

Spencer tried to find you to apologise but he couldn’t seem to. He asked JJ if she had seen you, but she just shook her head and told him that you most likely had taken the day off or you were just late.  However, when they saw Hotch walk out his office, and look directly at your desk, they both thought something else may have happened.

 

“Emily, have you seen Y/N anywhere?” Hotch asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

 

Emily glanced around the bullpen, her eyes scanning the empty desks and filing cabinets. "No, Hotch. I haven't seen her all morning. Did something happen?"

 

Hotch sighed heavily, his brows furrowing in concern. "I'm not sure. She didn't show up for our scheduled meeting this morning, and she hasn't responded to any of my calls or messages."

 

Worry etched itself onto Emily's features as she reached for her phone, dialling your number without hesitation. The sound of ringing filled the air as the team held their breath, waiting for a response.

 

After a few agonizing moments, Emily disconnected the call with a shake of her head. "Straight to voicemail," she murmured.

 

Derek's eyes widened in alarm. "That's not like her. Y/N never ignores her phone, especially not when it's work-related."

 

Hotch nodded, his concern growing with each passing second. “I know. Spencer, after your disagreement with her last night, did you notice her go anywhere, or did she say anything to you at all?”

 

Spencer's heart sank as he realized the severity of the situation. He hadn't anticipated that his argument with you had escalated to this point. Guilt gnawed at him, fuelling his determination to find you and make things right.

 

"I didn't see her leave last night," Spencer admitted, his voice filled with regret. "But she seemed really upset. I think she might have needed some space."

 

Hotch's expression hardened; his concern now veiled with a sense of urgency. "We can't afford to waste any more time," he said firmly. "I want the team to split up and search for Y/N. Derek, you take the surrounding area and check if she went home. Emily, canvas the local coffee shops and places she likes to go. JJ, contact her friends or anyone close to her. We need to find her as soon as possible."

 

“Hotch, why are you so worried?” JJ asked, a hint of confusion in her voice. “Do you know something we don’t? I mean I’ll do all of this, of course, but you seem a lot more concerned than you should be.”

 

Hotch's gaze flickered with a mixture of apprehension and determination. He took a deep breath before finally speaking, his voice laden with worry. “There was a meeting with other unit leaders this morning, and people who joined us at the same time as Y/N have been disappearing.”

 

Emily's eyes widened in shock, the gravity of the situation sinking in. "You think Y/N might have been targeted?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

 

Hotch nodded grimly. "It's a possibility we can't ignore. We've already lost three team members from that cohort, and we need to find Y/N before it's too late."

 

Derek clenched his jaw, his grip tightening on his phone. "I'll check her apartment first, see if she went home," he said, determination filling his voice. "If she's not there, I'll widen the search radius."

 

JJ nodded, her fingers already flying across her phone screen as she contacted Y/N's closest friends and contacts. "I'll reach out to everyone and see if they've heard from her," she said, her voice tinged with worry.

 

“This takes priority to the other case we are working. And that’s not just me stating this, the bureau want this taken care off.” Hotch declared, his voice firm and resolute. "Y/N's safety is our top concern, and we won't rest until we find her."

 

The team dispersed, each member taking on their assigned tasks with a renewed sense of determination. Spencer stood frozen for a moment, his mind flooded with regret and fear for your well-being. Guilt crept up his spine, threatening to consume him as he replayed the words, he had said to you.

 

But now was not the time for self-pity or remorse. He needed to find you, to make things right, and to protect you from whatever danger lurked in the shadows. With a newfound resolve, he grabbed his coat and joined Derek in the search.

 

Derek and Spencer combed through every inch of your apartment, searching for any trace of where you might have gone. They checked your bedroom, your bathroom, and even the closet in case you were hiding. But there was nothing.

 

"Damn it," Derek muttered under his breath as he ran a hand through his hair. "She's not here, Spencer."

 

Spencer stood in the centre of your living room, his eyes scanning the surroundings as if hoping for some clue to reveal itself. "Think, think," he whispered to himself, racking his brain for any indication of where you could be.

 

His gaze fell upon the corkboard hanging on the wall, covered in pictures and notes. Without hesitation, he approached it, studying each item carefully. His eyes landed on a picture of you, and what he assumed were people who were at the academy at the same time as you.

 

“Derek, do you know the names of the other people who have gone missing?” Spencer asked, his voice laced with urgency.

 

Derek furrowed his brows, trying to recall the information he had heard during the briefing earlier that morning. "Yeah," he replied, his voice tinged with concern. "There was Sarah Thomas, Chris Matthews, and Mark Reynolds. Why?"

 

“Look at this photo, could this be them with Y/N?” Spencer pointed to the picture on the corkboard, his finger hovering above the faces of the individuals. Derek leaned closer, studying the image intently.

 

“Maybe. Grab the picture, we will show it to Hotch.”

 

Spencer carefully removed the photograph from the corkboard, handling it with delicate fingers as if it held a piece of the puzzle he desperately needed to solve. He knew that showing it to Hotch would be the next step in their search for you, for answers.

 

As they walked into the office, their faces filled with worry and determination caught Hotch's attention immediately. He approached them, his eyes narrowing as he took in the evidence bag Derek was holding.

 

"What did you find?" Hotch asked, his voice steady but filled with anticipation.

 

Spencer handed over the evidence bag, ensuring Hotch had a clear view of the photo inside. "We found this in Y/N's apartment," he explained. "It appears to be a picture of her with the three individuals who have gone missing. We thought it might be worth showing you."

 

Hotch's gaze hardened as he studied the photo, his mind working through various scenarios and possibilities. “I think Y/N is danger.”

 

Hotch's words hung heavy in the air, the gravity of the situation sinking deeper into the hearts of Derek and Spencer. They exchanged a glance, their eyes filled with a mix of determination and fear.

 

"Y/N could be in serious trouble," Derek stated, his voice laced with urgency. "We need to find her before whoever is responsible for these disappearances gets to her."

 

Hotch nodded, his jaw clenched tightly “I think the person who is responsible for these disappearances has already gotten to her, Derek.”

 

Derek's heart skipped a beat, the weight of Hotch's words hitting him like a freight train. He clenched his fists, his knuckles turning white as rage and fear surged through his veins. "We can't let anything happen to her," he said, his voice low and determined.

 

Spencer's mind buzzed with a million different thoughts, trying to piece together the puzzle that had become your disappearance. "Do we have any leads? Any idea where she might be?"

 

Hotch sighed heavily, the lines on his forehead deepening. "Not yet" he admitted. "But we need to work fast. Whoever is behind this is organized, and they know what they're doing. We need to beat them at their own game."

 

“Spencer, go chat to Garcia, see if she has found anything or been able to locate Y/Ns phone. Derek, call Emily and JJ see if they have found anything. I’m going to call the other unit leaders who have lost members, and the academy to see if they know anything.”

 

Spencer nodded, his mind already racing with the task at hand. He quickly made his way to Garcia's office, knowing that her exceptional skills in technology would prove invaluable in their search.

 

As he entered the room, he found Garcia hunched over her computer, surrounded by screens filled with lines of code and databases. The room buzzed with the sound of beeping monitors and clacking keys.

 

"Garcia," Spencer called out, trying to catch her attention amidst the chaos. "Hotch wants us to find any leads on Y/N's whereabouts. Have you been able to track her phone or any other digital footprint?"

 

Garcia spun around in her chair, her eyes lighting up with determination. "Spence! I've been trying to crack into her phone and social media accounts, but it seems like whoever is behind this has taken extra precautions. It's like Y/N vanished into thin air."

 

"Keep trying, Garcia. We need any lead we can get. Check for any unusual activity, recent contacts, anything that might give us a clue."

 

Garcia nodded, her fingers dancing across the keyboard as she delved deeper into the digital world. "I won't stop until I find something, Spencer. Y/N deserves justice, and we are going to make sure she gets it."

 

Spencer's phone buzzed in his pocket, and he quickly retrieved it to see a message from Derek. It read: "No luck here. No signs of Y/N or any of the other missing persons. Emily and JJ are coming up empty too."

 

Spencer sighed, his heart sinking at the lack of progress. They were running out of time, and every passing moment without a breakthrough felt like an eternity. He knew they couldn't afford to give up, but the weight of the situation was beginning to take its toll.

 

As he turned his attention back to Garcia, he noticed a glimmer of excitement in her eyes. "Spence, I think I might have found something," she said, her voice filled with hope.

 

His heart skipped a beat as he hurried over to her side, peering at the screen. Lines of code and data flashed before his eyes, but one particular piece caught his attention. "What is it?" he asked eagerly.

 

Garcia pointed to a series of encrypted messages on the screen. "These are conversations between Y/N and someone who goes by the name 'ShadowX'. It seems like they've been communicating for some time now."

 

Spencer's eyes widened as he absorbed the information. "ShadowX," he muttered, his mind racing to recall any mention of the name during their investigation. It felt like a puzzle piece finally falling into place.

 

Garcia continued to decipher the encrypted messages, her fingers flying across the keyboard with practiced precision. "It looks like Y/N trusted this person," she said, her voice filled with concern. “They seemed close. It looks like they met at the academy, but if you look at this message, it seems ShadowX didn’t do so well and didn’t get a job in the FBI.”

 

Spencer's brow furrowed as he read the message, his mind working to piece together the puzzle. "So, ShadowX was a classmate of Y/N's at the academy," he mused aloud. "But if they didn't get a job with the FBI, what happened to them?"

 

Garcia tapped her fingers on the keyboard, her eyes scanning through the messages for any more clues. "I'm still trying to dig deeper, but it seems like ShadowX disappeared shortly after their graduation. There's no trace of them anywhere since then."

 

Spencer's mind raced with possibilities. Could ShadowX be responsible for the disappearances? Or were they also a victim? He knew they needed more information, more pieces of the puzzle, to solve this case and bring you back safely.

 

“Garcia, I think ShadowX is behind all of this. Y/N is smart, she was ahead of everybody else at the academy, I even checked her marksmanship, and she was getting top scores on that too. I think ShadowX was jealous. And look at all the other people who have gone missing, all smart, all got a job here.” Spencer swallowed hard as he realized the gravity of the situation.

 

Garcia's eyes widened, realization dawning upon her. "You might be onto something, Spence," she replied, her voice filled with a mix of determination and concern. "If ShadowX was jealous of Y/N's success and disappeared after graduation, it's possible they've been planning this for a long time."

 

Spencer's mind buzzed with the weight of their discovery. The pieces were beginning to fall into place, revealing a darker truth that sent shivers down his spine. "We need to find out everything we can about ShadowX," he said, his voice filled with conviction. "Their motives, their whereabouts, anything that will lead us to Y/N."

 

Garcia nodded fervently, her fingers flying across the keyboard as she delved deeper into the digital abyss. Her determination was unwavering as she hacked into every database she could access, leaving no stone unturned.

 

Meanwhile, Derek and Hotch returned to the bullpen after making their calls. Derek's face was etched with worry, lines deepening as he caught sight of Spencer standing beside Garcia. Without a word, he joined them.

 

"What do you have?" Derek asked, his voice tinged with urgency.

 

Spencer glanced at Garcia, who nodded in confirmation. "ShadowX was a classmate of Y/N's at the academy," he began, his voice filled with resolve. "But they didn't get a job with the FBI. They disappeared shortly after graduation, and there's been no trace of them since."

 

Derek clenched his jaw, anger simmering beneath his skin. "Jealousy and resentment," he muttered under his breath.

 

Derek's words hung heavy in the air, the weight of the situation settling over them like a suffocating fog. The knowledge that someone they had once trusted, someone from their own ranks, could be behind the disappearances was both unsettling and infuriating.

 

Hotch's voice broke the tense silence. "We need to find out everything we can about ShadowX," he said, his tone resolute. "Their motives, their connections, any possible leads. We can't let them slip through our fingers."

 

Garcia's fingers danced across the keyboard as she accessed every database available, her determination unwavering. "I'm going to trace ShadowX's digital footprint, follow every electronic trail they left behind," she declared, her eyes blazing with a mix of determination and anger. "No one disappears without a trace in this day and age."

 

Derek's eyes narrowed, his hands bawling into fists at his sides. "We'll find them," he said through gritted teeth. "No one hurts our team and gets away with it."

 

*

 

The team had left Garcia so she could continue with her research, Derek and Spencer had decided to go through the files on your desk, see if there was anything there. Hotch remained in his office making phone calls, JJ and Emily seemed lost, they had come to love you and knowing you were in danger was tearing them apart.

 

Spencer though, he was reflecting, he had come to terms to why he had disliked you. It wasn’t just because of your intelligence , or how you just seemed to make friends with everybody, it was because he knew he didn’t truly stand a chance with you. He wasn’t just jealous of you; he was jealous of anyone who would ever get a chance of loving you.

 

As Spencer flipped through the files on your desk, his thoughts continued to swirl, entangled in a mix of emotions. Guilt crept into his heart as he realized how his jealousy had clouded his judgment and caused him to distance himself from you. He had pushed you away, not only because of his own insecurities but also to protect himself from the pain of seeing someone else capture your heart.

 

But now, faced with the gravity of the situation, Spencer's perspective shifted. The fear of losing you altogether overshadowed any lingering jealousy. He knew deep down that he couldn't let his personal feelings hinder the efforts to find you and bring you back safely.

 

Derek glanced over at Spencer, noticing the conflict etched on his face. "You alright, Pretty Boy?" he asked, concern lacing his voice.

 

Spencer sighed, running a hand through his unruly hair. "I'm trying to come to terms with everything," he admitted, his voice tinged with vulnerability. "I realized that my jealousy was unfounded and only served to push Y/N away. Now, all I can think about is finding her and bringing her back safely."

 

Derek nodded in understanding; his eyes filled with empathy. "We'll find her, Reid," he reassured, placing a hand on his shoulder. "We're not giving up until we do."

 

Spencer offered a small smile of gratitude, grateful for Derek's unwavering support. "Thank you, Derek," he said sincerely. "I don't know what I would do without you guys."

 

As they were about to get back into the files, they heard the distinctive clicking of Garcia shows.

 

“Guy’s!” Garcia exclaimed as she burst into the room, her eyes wide with excitement. "I think I found something! ShadowX has been using an alias, but I managed to track down their real identity. Their name is Ethan Sullivan, and he used to work for a private security firm. But get this," she paused for dramatic effect, "he was fired after allegations of unethical practices surfaced."

 

Spencer's eyes widened, his mind connecting the dots. "Unethical practices... that could explain why he didn't get a job with the FBI," he mused, his voice filled with realization. "And if he was jealous of Y/N's success, it's possible he's been targeting graduates from the academy."

 

Derek's jaw clenched as anger flared within him. "We need to find Ethan Sullivan," he said firmly. "If he's behind these disappearances, we need to bring him to justice."

 

Garcia nodded in agreement, her fingers itching to dig deeper into the digital realm. "I'm going to trace Sullivan's every move, leave no virtual stone unturned," she declared, her eyes ablaze with determination. "We'll find him, and we'll bring him down."

 

Garcia let out a triumphant cheer. "I found him!" she exclaimed, her voice filled with a mix of excitement and relief. "Ethan Sullivan is currently residing in an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town. It seems like he's been using it as his base of operations."

 

Hotch, who had finished his phone calls, emerged from his office with a stern look on his face. "We need to move quickly," he said, the gravity of the situation evident in his voice.

 

Emily, JJ, I want you to coordinate with local law enforcement and secure the perimeter around the warehouse," Hotch continued, his voice commanding. "Derek, Spencer, you'll come with me. We're going in."

 

The team sprang into action, each member homing in on their assigned tasks with precision. Emily and JJ made the necessary calls, ensuring that backup was on the way. Meanwhile, Garcia continued to monitor Sullivan's digital presence, providing real-time updates on his movements.

 

As they approached the abandoned warehouse, tension hung heavy in the air. The once bustling building now stood as a dark and foreboding figure against the night sky. With each step closer, the team's determination grew stronger.

 

Hotch gave a nod to Derek and Spencer, signalling it was time to move. With weapons drawn and hearts pounding, they entered the warehouse cautiously yet swiftly.

 

The interior of the warehouse was shrouded in darkness, save for eerie beams of moonlight that filtered through the broken windows. The creaking of old boards under their feet echoed through the cavernous space, causing a sense of unease to settle over the team. The air was heavy with anticipation as they moved deeper into the labyrinth of forgotten boxes and discarded equipment.

 

Derek's eyes scanned the surroundings, his senses heightened as he listened for any sign of movement. Spencer, ever the analytical mind, was piecing together the possible hiding spots Sullivan could be using within the warehouse. They moved in sync, their training and trust in each other guiding their every step.

 

As they navigated through the maze of shadows, a faint sound caught Spencer's attention. He held up a hand to signal Derek to stop, his ears straining to catch even the slightest noise. It was then that he heard it again, a muffled cry for help.

 

Heart pounding in his chest, Spencer followed the sound, leading them towards a dimly lit corner of the warehouse. There, hidden behind a stack of crates, they found you. Bound and gagged, your eyes filled with fear and relief as you saw the familiar faces of your team members.

 

Derek rushed forward, releasing you from your restraints with swift, practiced movements. "We've got you," he said softly, his voice filled with a mixture of protectiveness and concern. "You're safe now."

 

Spencer knelt down beside you, his gentle touch removing the gag from your mouth. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice laced with worry.

 

You nodded, your voice barely above a whisper. "I'm...I'm okay," you managed to say, tears streaming down your face. "Thank you for finding me."

 

Hotch approached; his gaze steady as he spoke. "We need to get out of here," he said firmly. "Garcia, call for medical assistance and secure an exit strategy."

 

“I’ll stay with her.” Spencer volunteered; his voice filled with determination. He didn't want to leave your side, not after everything you had been through.

 

Hotch nodded in agreement, understanding the need for comfort and reassurance. "Alright, Reid," he said, his voice softening. "But be careful."

 

"You're safe now," Spencer whispered softly, his voice filled with genuine concern. "We won't let anything happen to you."

 

You nodded; your voice still shaky. "I don't know how to thank you guys," you said, your gratitude pouring forth. "You saved my life."

 

Spencer smiled warmly, his own emotions raw and palpable. "You don't have to thank us," he replied, his eyes filled with sincerity. "We're a team, and we look out for each other."

 

“I’m sorry for what I said to you, Spencer. I just wanted your approval.”

 

Spencer shook his head, his eyes filled with forgiveness. "You don't have to apologize, Y/N," he said softly. “I should be saying sorry to you, I just let my insecurities get in the way.”

 

You reached out and placed a hand on Spencer's arm, offering a reassuring smile. "We all have our moments of doubt and insecurity," you said, your voice gentle. "What matters is that we learn and grow from them."

~taglist~

@iluvreid @bitchassbecky691 @drspencerreidsthings @amatheuni@i-heart-mgg @Liidiaaag@wyntersstuff@brilliantreid @donttrustlove@btsiguess-kpop @bellesmith628 @lunaticgurly @Oureternalbond@somethingsmart123 @ula-revolution @pleasantwitchgarden @vvampwebb @alysena2 @sujan39 @nini123 @xoxo-lyss @rory-cakes @marantha @http0kms0jpg @peppersapro @mommymilkers3000@spicycalabaza @shinixpo@dr-reidsslut@donttrustlove@miss.dianaa@potatochip-111 @stars-n-stuff15 @nugget1234567@00047c@carley12041@earth2stxr@cosavuoi-me@sewmxx @bibissparkles @frgtmenotes @mdanon027 @drreidsfavwhxre @yourfavoritefangirl @sunnyyyyyyyynnus @mega-kittyglitter-1 @loliakeoghan23

red is for @ that’s don’t work

In the next chapter… will you and Spencer remain friends. Will Spencer confront his own feelings for you. Will he tell you how he feels. Will this new found friendship be pushed to the limits when an old love interest comes to visit.

[lodessa]

WIP name game, tagged by @pixiedane (thank you, by the way, I have been thinking I needed an excuse to do something in this vein).

I have SO MANY works in progress if you take a look in my google drive(s) so I am going to focus on multichaptered fics I started posting but haven't finished yet (since I loosely made a goal to complete at least one of them this year . . . though no promise that any of these will be the first thing posted in this year):

The Backup - I have posted 3 chapters and written a good chunk of chapter 4 of this canon divergence Veronica Mars fic but I am having some pacing issues even though I know where I want to end up (again why do I insist on trying to have plot that is important instead of just focusing on relationship stuff I am so bad at it) and when I actually did my season 3 rewatch for this, I ended up realizing I wanted to move the timeline around a bit (as in the canon divergence should have real consequences not just for Veronica's personal relationships but also the season's multiple ongoing mysteries) so I feel like the whole outline needs to be reworked before I can move forward.

k'war'ma'khon - I have 6 chapters posted so far of my Georgiou lives and is caught up on the middle of the house of Sarek drama some more Star Trek: Discovery fic. The original outline called for 9 chapters but we are looking at 13 based on the changes I have already made along the way (I know I have a revised outline somewhere but not where that is). Honestly I got stuck because next chapter which is at the heart/center of the fic is from Sarek's point of view which was intimidating.

Dragon Marked - I have written and posted 8 chapters of this Dany/Jorah fic but we are still in the rising action of what is an epic sized story that will majorly blow my previous longest fic of 14 chapters out of the water in terms of length when finished. I really need to find my outline because there is a lot of plot/worldbuilding that needs to be implemented and at this point my memory of what I had planned is fuzzy in places. I guess that's what happens when you tie your soulmark trope in with reincarnation, modern au, grand conspiracies, science as magic, and a large cast of characters.

I may post about some of my other unpublished in progress works as well but I think that is enough for this post.

Tagging: @phoenixwrites

[alentiahart]

Hey, are you still alive?

I'm worried about you...

I've been a fan of Sentire for a long time and it's been half a year since you last posted and you said that life has been hard in October... Is everything okay?

Hello! And I'm sorry 😭😭😭 Still very much alive, thank you for asking.

I've been working on the second half & ending of Sentire for a couple months now. TL;DR I'm trying to finish it all so I can upload it in one go. I'll definitely make a big announcement when it's live!

Longer story after the cut, but that's pretty much it. Thank you for enjoying Sentire 💜 Sincerely, sincerely appreciate you.

The longer explanation!

Writing got really difficult for me in the second half. In Sentire, one of my OCs is Eris Travers. She is loosely based on my own childhood and trauma. Pretty much everything, except the fire/deaths in the house thing. This all ended up being a really dumb idea, because I was unearthing a lot right before the holidays (where long story short, I was seeing my low-contact parents twice). Not to mention Alabaster is based off my abusive ex, who... well, you'll see what happens with that one.

Anyway, I'm much better now and in a better peace of mind. Writing Lenne's story instead of Terra's has been a good cleanse mentally, and a good bunch of those stories are on TikTok now. But I'm working on both now.

I haven't made any changes to Eris' character, but instead am using this story as a way to move forward. My current deadline with Sentire is June due to work constraints, but I think I'll be able to get that out earlier.

If you ended up reading this, well... 💜 fr.

[writingsgp]

Xenoblade chronicles 3: Future Redeemed

First of all this game and this series as a whole is so incredible. Second i just beat the DLC but haven't 100% it so i have so much to scream i basically gave it a standing ovation it managed to answer juat about every answer i had about XC3 normal game and give me so much delicious and well made fanservice while still leaving a few questions, complete spoilered mad rambling under the cut

Are Noah's and N's swords Logos and Pneuma (or gifts from them?) or am i just dumb and didn't understand the final scenes because THAT WAS THE AEGIS' CORE CRYSTAL IN MATHEWS GAUNTLETS WTF!!!(We don't see Logos' core crystal but N's sword has some purple bits so maybe? or is one Mythra and the other Pyra i hope not!)... *ahem* i am very normal about this... why couldn't Rex and Shulk just say "yo kiddo yer my child" just for continuity and angst?! how dare but also thank you monolift.

Why didn't we see Fiora? love my girl and i miss her also when will we have a anime/webcomic/book about Rex/Pyra/Mythra/Nia and Shulk/Fiora doing fun slice of life family advantures?? no amount of fanfic will satisfy me (but if you have any give them to me)

After XC3 base story will A come back together with Rex and Shulk or will Glimmer, Mio, Rex's third unnamed child and Nikol loose their cool Non binary Unty (is that the gender neutral for uncle?)

The game play loop is probably the best so far i don't know if it would work for a 60 hour game i finished the story in 25 ish while taking my sweet time so i don't know but it made fighting the later enemies just as fun as the ones at the beginning something most RPG struggle i love the community build aspect that they always try to bring to the loop and this satisfied it the best (also number go up and check boxes get filled in make monkey brain happy)

did the credits confirm that the worlds fuse back together correctly or was that just Alrest or Bionis appearing from the weird 4d geometry?

Finaly thank you Takahasi and everyone that worked on these 3 games and three DLC/additional content (sorry didn't play x) it is truly a master piece of a series and i can't wait to see what you all have next in store for us be it Xenoblade related (whether it's with the characters we've seen thus far or just in the world much later in the future) or a wholly new endeavor I am already quite interested

Edit/ P.S

i might me awkward and anxious but this is an invitation to talk about XC as a whole and sorry for any grammar mistake i am quite literally ecstatic with the end of the DLC is this how people feel when they drink caffeine?

[cboffshore]

it is me, enabler anon, back from being a couch potato gamer and into the questions. ( i have missed so many days )

whiiiile you’re still under the writing process of a little annihilation, could you perhaps share your hopeful end goals that you currently have for the fic? of course they may change buuut, since it’s just being fleshed out so far; i’m curious to if you can perhaps prepare us for what’s to come :3 even if it’s just. the most bluntest one word description. :D

*scribbles GAMER! onto a sticky note and slaps it onto the Enabler Anon Identification Conspiracy Board*

The weird thing for Annihilation is that my end goal is both highly specific and kinda vague. The entire thing is just giving my Jay-DIYS-a-guitar-from-the-wreck-of-the-Keep headcanon/daydream thing an origin story. The entire motive and plot is contained in that elevator pitch; the trickiest bit is the details, really, but I can give you some loosely connected notes.

None of the stuff in my outline is a spoiler in the same way That One Reveal, You Know The One from IICT was; if you've read the Dark Island Trilogy and picked up on the end of chapter 1 of this, you know Jay and Nya are about to embark on something between a rage room visit and a Home Depot run. Jay gets a cool acoustic build out of it at the end, and Nya gets to smash some shit. (There will be more OSSAS nods. Despite being a Jay-centric work, Nya's going to get her time, and I have more to work with on her end, anyway. This is the closest I've ever gotten to proper Skybound Jay stuff, and I still haven't nailed him down.

The only bit that's even remotely spoilery is the loose plan I have for the very last line, which I will obviously not share. That's not a spoiler in a plot way, either. It's more like something I want to do to completely shift the mood for future reads of the finished story... but I'm giving too much away already.

My "Do Not Do" list is the same as always for when I write Skybound: no overblown sopping wet sobbing Jay flashbackery or Pleasant Therapy Dog Nya. I would prefer to keep my keyboard vomit-free. Yes, they're revisiting the Keep - but fully by choice, because as you know, once an idea that cool and thematically perfect worms its way in, there's no stopping it. Yes, Jay does have a few memories while there; so does Nya. That's reasonable and expected. Nobody is allowed to break down crying or start murmuring comfortingly to the other person. (In MCR terms, the vibe isn't the "The Ghost Of You" music video, as fantastic as it is - this is the "Famous Last Words" video, or maybe even "Na Na Na".) Like I mentioned in one of my last asks, this is largely based on how I process my own painful memories; I revisit them, refuse to sink to that level again, and craft them into poetry and art using the shards I notice in a new light. Does it hurt? Sure. But it hurts so good, as the kids say. You want sappy recovery, you can get that a bajillion other places in the fandom. Come to me for spite and resistance.

Anyway, despite being on a bit of a writing hiatus, I'm never really on a thinking hiatus. I'm waiting for GLOOM DIVISION to drop and kickstart my creative energy, but in the meantime, I'm always up for asks. Thanks for dropping in!

[itsfrenchfornothankyou]

I'm mind of sliding in at the finish line here! But here's your candlenights gift @room-on-broom ! I hope you like it, this is my take on how some of the characters celebrate the festive season, thanks as always to @thecandlenightszone for organising this!

(fic below cut)

The first time Kravitz had been distracted from his duties as a guard, it could be called an honest mistake. A first time error which while unfortunate, did not reflect too severely on his capabilities. 

The second time, they should definitely have fired him.

He is determined not to let it happen a third time.

What they don't tell you about being an honourable guard of the fantasy julbocken, is that it's mostly very boring. And cold. That you will spend most of your time standing around, finding inventive ways to keep your fingers from freezing over. 

Most of your time. Kravitz's mind, unbidden, casts itself back to a more interesting way he once kept his hands warm. His fingers tangled in thick, blonde hair- his face- kravitz shakes himself, trying to knock the thought loose. It was the sort of thing that could never happen again. Besides, he thinks, with a fleeting glance at the banned book, it wasn't exactly an option this year, even without his knowledge of how it would end. 

So instead of letting his mind wander, he jams his hands into his pockets, letting the thick fur lining attempt at its job, though the cold tugged at its edges.

The crowds were thick today, families and teenagers gathered at the base of the goat, some pointing, children here and there yelling, but nothing dangerous. He knew there would be things to deal with later, so he allowed himself to relish the temporary quiet. Someone- decidedly not a child- yelled something in loud excitement. Quiet was relative. Kravitz spared a glance, but over the past three years he had gained a good sense for what types of yells needed immediate attention, and what ones could be left alone.   

Kravitz flexes his fingers in his pocket, experimentally, seeing how much motion he still had in them. They're stuff, aching slightly when he tries to move them. He still has another half hour left in his watch though, and he leans against the post beside him: a tall, strong thing which supports the fence running all around the goat. He watches the crowd go by, thinking mostly of the hot chocolate he can get from a nearby stand- they give you one for free if you guard the goat, no matter how poor you may or may not be at your job. 

"Wow, fancy seeing you here again handsome," says someone, inexplicably behind him. Kravitz, with the feeling of a fish biting a worm, sure to feel the hook's tug any moment, spins around. 

"Taako," he says, refraining from the accent-he got teased enough last year when taako discovered the lie. The elf across from him is grinning widely, eyes alight with mischief and... something else. "You're on the ban list," kravitz says, stupidly. "You shouldn't be here." He reaches for his book, ready to prove a point, although his gaze wanders up to the guard point further up, further away from the goat- the guard point that should have stopped taako from getting anywhere close to the goat. Close to kravitz. Taako's grin only widens. 

"My sister is on the ban list," he counters. He flops his shoulders shruggingly, "we're identical- its an easy mistake to make." Kravitz's eyes narrow. 

"Right. The secret twin who is actually the one on the ban list. Haven't heard that one before." Kravitz actually hasn't heard it before, but he works more as crowd control, rarely at the station further up which is supposed to filter visitors so he doesn't exactly have a good reference for the type of excuses people give. Still, kravitz doesn't intend to be fooled so easily this year. 

"I can't help it if TV shows keep ripping off my life story," taako sighs, playing with his braid. Then he looks up from the braid, at kravitz. He places a hand on kravitz's shoulder, and traces it down to his pocket, to kravitz's hand. Kravitz swallows. He should call security, the voice in the back of his mind says. He is security, his mind replies. Taako is gorgeous, the rest of his brain says. 

"Gods," says taako, snapping kravitz out of his reverie. "Your hands are always so cold." 

"It's winter," kravitz's says, somewhat defensively. 

"Not a complaint," mutters taako, squeezing kravitz's hand. "Bet I can warm those right up." Kravitz's can't feel the cold anymore. His whole body is lighting up with heat, and he can't tell if taako is leaning in or if he is, but they're startlingly close together. He's supposed to be working. He should kick taako out. He should do a lot of things. Instead, he kisses taako.

It feels like an eternity. It feels like seconds. Behind him, the goat catches fire. 

**

Elsewhere: 

"I get it," taako nods solemnly. "I have to seduce the security guard."

Magnus pauses, looking at taako. Barry and lup exchange a look. Julia sighs. 

"We, aren't going to be approaching on that side taako." He sounds genuinely confused by taako's solemnity. "We already decided I'd be the distraction." 

Taako just sighs, loud and sacrificial. 

"I understand, noone can resist taako's charm- it's what needs to be done. But guys-"

"-taako" Magnus tries, but Julia nudges him with a shake of her head

"-if I keep doing this, Im gonna have to invite the guy over! Have a proper date-" 

"-you should invite him for new year's," lup agrees. 

"So long as he's not going to arrest us for arson," lucrecia agrees. 

"I would never-" lup begins, clearly horrified at the implication, "-get caught!"

**

Taako is pulling cookies out of the oven when the doorbell rings. He almost drops the tray, and from across the room, Merle wiggles his eyebrows, almost audibly. Taako curses him and pulls a face. Thankfully, Barry gets the door. Taako tries to appear aloof, as though he isn't really paying attention to whoever just arrived, mentally, he's doing the same maths he's been doing every time the door has rung for the past two hours. They're only waiting on Angus now- who's travelling back into the city after visiting his grandfather. Taako isn't waiting for Angus. He holds his breath, trying to hear what's happening at the door, trying not to make too much noise as he puts down the cookies and puts the next tray in. He doesn't do anything so obvious as crane to see the door. 

"Thank you sir! I've been really looking forwards to reading this series! It's referenced a few times in-" Taako lets out the breath. He bangs the still hot tray on the side of the counter, loud with disappointment, before dropping the oven gloves and walking out of the kitchen. 

Kravitz isn't coming. It was stupid to think he might- the two of them have only actually spoken a few times, and all three times were promptly followed by his sister setting fire to kravitz's workplace. He stops himself from sighing, and is about to loudly greet Angus to try to deflect from these feelings, when the doorbell goes off again. 

Taako is at the door embarrassingly fast. One moment he's in the living room, and the next he's swinging open the front door, slightly out of breath. When the door is open and he sees the face on the other side he almost forgoes breath entirely before he belatedly remembers he kind of needs air to breathe. 

"Fancy seeing you here handsome," taako blurts in a momentary burst of panic. 

"I brought cake," says Kravitz, instead of a greeting. Taako barely notices. 

"Hell yeah homie," taako says. "Chaboy loves cake! I suppose the rest of these guys can have some too." Then Taako remembers he is supposed to let him into the house, and steps aside. As he does, he accidentally meets the gaze of Angus McDonald 

"You answered the door very fast sir," Angus says, like a snitch. Kravitz, thankfully, is distracted by something else. 

"Aren't you the one who raised skeletons inside the julbocken a few years ago?" Kravitz asks, this question very obviously pointed at Barry. Barry sputters. Taako laughs. The year, he decides, is looking promising. 

[silentsundown]

This Strangerville story is really a great respite for me.

It's a much-needed recreation, and an opportunity to, for once, express how I feel more than what I think or a concept that has come to mind. Besides, writing in English and not in Russian (still love doing it, but it's still a bit hard for me, although WAY easier than a couple years ago) is a nice way to unwind. I have been writing solely in Russian for two years now, with barely any break. Mostly the same story. Got sidetracked twice and accidentally deleted the very first 30k partial draft of it once. Needless to say it's a tough one to write, but I want to finish it still. Just later. Life isn't so short. I have way enough time.

I was myself a military brat with a stay at home parent (mother though) and the marriage wasn't ideal. I'm not really recreating my parents through the Sigworths, but I noticed how much of my own stuff I pour into my characters. My novel's characters are much based on spirits that were incarnated as historical figures of Kazakhstan and the topics are based on ideas that I have, something very mental and spiritual, exploring and making sense of the bond I have with each of them (planning to make 12 of these novels), possibly exploring our past lives together, and my author avatars are never the narrator or even truly the main character, but one that "triggers" the spiritual work, and frequently dies, is dying, or at least disappears. Their influence is in the background, but they only get a twinge of spotlight and then die. Like a firework flying to the sky, exploding in a beautiful star, and then the fires dying out as the ashes fall down.

This Strangerville story, on the other hand, even if it's based on EA's storyline, is really mine. Every character, be it Aiganym, Beatrice (who will be future novel characters) or even my version of the Sigworths, have mostly me inside of them. I haven't really written and poured my actual feelings in a written work for a long time. It feels good to take a break from work and actually play. I have no job, but I work, internally and creatively, so damn hard. Writing in your third language, even if you love doing so, is hard. I work so much and play so little. Maybe that's why I burned out creatively, whether in art or writing, and the Sims is my way to keep being creative while keeping it less serious.

Maybe I shouldn't take everything as work... and allow myself to play more. I take everything as a duty, as a dedication, a vocation, almost religious vocation, but hardly ever truly let loose and have fun. I love what I'm doing, my work in Russian, but I feel I pressured myself too hard, trying to make it right, publishable, first draft, second draft that I was working on before I broke down and played TS4 again. Even within my relationships I was working so hard, and then burned out. I'm a jobless workaholic, kinda, I feel. It keeps me from feeling like a useless waste of space and resources. Funny, I was telling my person, who drowns herself in university work, that she was a workaholic, but we're not so different. I'm just a different kind of workaholic.

This is my opportunity to have fun. I deserve it. I think so, at least.

[ndrv3-hyperfixated]

BOTH MODS POSTING THEIR WRITING IN RECORD TIME?!

it's a shocker, LIKE KAEDE?! i loved your part sm.

thank you for her patience, i know it was hard for her to finish it without procrastinating, thank you for your amazing work :)

i also, have written kiiruma content! mod kaede has told me it was a luttle bit of a roller coaster what i had going, but here i am!

(story is based off Elena Tsagriknou's song, el Diablo, that was also sang at Eurovision 2021, full credits to the singer for my inspiration)

trigger warnings listed here:

TW: k1-bo x miu (kiiruma; ship warning), alchool/vomiting mention, cursing

toodles! until next time (mod shuichi)

"i fell in love, i fell in love"

recently, i haven't been the most well, emotionally saying. his handsome voice, his bossy-like personality; and his soft, probably fake hair strands.that's how i would describe k1-b0, the ultimate robot, my one and only unique classmate

"i gave my heart to el Diablo, el Diablo"

it wasn't just a admiration feeling, this was most definetly what you call romatic love. but why? what was attracting me to him so much that i crave his attention and reciprocated love so much??

im going crazy, i know! the gorgeous girl genius miu iruma wouldn't act like this, right? i must be imagining all of this, it's going to go away soon. i hope

" i gave it up, i gave it up

because he tells me I'm his angel, i'm his angel"

althought, they way he was so helpless in my grasp that night, as his hard metallic skin was so closely to mine, screaming my name under the (not so) dim light of the lab? butterfly feeling.

"tonight, we gonna burn in a party"

the class had organized a huge party this evening. their motive? who knows, as long as no body announcement goes off and there's vodka!

on a more lighter note, i'm more of a liquor person..

"we wild as fire that's on the loose;

hotter than sriracha on our bodies"

the gathering went pretty well, i must add. we actually drank quite a bit, some of us ending up wasted in our rooms or at the bathroom, vomiting.

kirumi politely declined our offer to relax herself for one day, saying that she does not like to get involved with loud sounds everywhere. she however offered herself to help clean around after we are done. it's bullshit in my opinipn, but who am i to judge the lady?

"t-taco, tamale, yeah, that's my mood

all this spicy melts my icy edges, baby, it's true"

i don't even remember how we ended up playing spin the bottle. i was pretty neuron dead until that point, but still awake enough to keep myself on my feet. i also recall grabbing some food from the buffet, i'm not sure whuch, but i just know that it was as spicy as a simple jalapeno. not that i can complain! im one that has rather hot taste in food eitherway.

it was my turn to spin the bottle. asking tsumugi to hold my food for the moment, i inhaled a deep breath of air, spinning the bottle as hard as i could.

"all this spicy melts my icy edges, baby, it's true"

i closed my eyes shut, praying i wouldn't end up embarrased by some sluts and bitches this night. hearing the side of the glass bottle slow itself, i fluttered my eye lids open and..

it landed on k1-b0.

s-something didn't seem right!? our of all six people that were playing, including me, it landed on him?

now i couldn't back away. he was slowly approaching me, hands reaching for my face. here we go again. embarrasing yourself infront of your crush, miu

[...]

he gave me a cheek kiss?! his cold mouth parted from my face, showing obvious sign of blushing, ready to call anyone "robophobic" if they ever pointed out his flustred feeling.

..you know what? if this asshole wasn't ready to admit his feelings either, then im done being such a pussy! i'm so, but soo done of hiding this crave of geniune love away, for jim not to know it!

i gestured the gifted juvenile to turn around, facing me once more.

"tonight, we gonna burn in a party"

sighing deeply, clearing my throath, i spoke up:

"tin head you better enjoy what you will be receiving, you'll never be this pampered again"

"hey! that's robo-" before he could finish his usual and common protest, i shushed him quickly, crashing my lips against his. they felt, cold

icy as one could feel like during hypothermia, but i liked that feeling. warming him up with my juicy and glossed lips, as he stood there, confused and panicked

"it's heaven in hell with you"

[evilwickedme]

I really enjoy your ao3 works! Do you mind telling me what your plans are for the future? Any WIPs or aus 👀

oh my gosh thank you!! yeah I'm working on a bunch of things right now and none of them are really getting done lmao, you know how it is

for marvel rn I have one active WIP called all you need to know about gwen stacy. It's very much in its infancy but it's a spiderverse based spider-gwen story and it's going to be hopefully my longest gwen story yet, not that that's really impressive everything I've written with her as the main character has been pretty short. I also have Break It Fic on the backburner; that has two chapters up and has for months now and I don't see myself going back to it anytime soon, but I do want to finish it for real! also I hope to write a fic for valenpool over the next week or so and publish it on valentine's day (get it?), should be a short fluff fic, maybe two thousand words at most. it's going to be called Dead Valentine I got the name from a convo with @waterme-stories regarding valenpool's ship name thanks again

for the witcher I have a number of incomplete fics but the only two that are still actively on my mind are the yennskier post s2 get together which only has one chapter left and an outsider POV oneshot that honestly might not get published if I don't finish it by the time s3 comes out. I have a few pages of it and it's based basically on the fact that Geralt's reputation really does live and die on Jaskier's song - so what does that look like for some random villagers in an unimportant town? I wanted it to be a spiritual successor to one of my most successful fics, in which an entire university faculty becomes far too involved in Pankratz and Vengerberg's love life, which is another outsider POV for the witcher fandom although it's a modern au and this one isn't

dc is obviously my main fandom rn and I have a bunch of projects for that! I'm still working on my before and after fic series and that has a few fics in progress. the mental health fic already has two chapters up and the final chapter has about a paragraph written, and I've also got a sequel fic nicknamed the therapy fic with no outline and about two pages written. I actually don't know if the therapy fic will actually end up seeing the light of day since the mental health fic has received lukewarm attention at best and I'd rather focus my attention on things that will actually be liked. there's also probably going to be a silly little oneshot that introduces cass to jason in the before and after universe, it's a bit of a retcon but I don't really think it matters since it's meant to be lighthearted. and if I still have any steam at all after all of that, there's also another short multichaptered fic planned for the series that focuses on damian, but that's a real question mark we have to see how I feel when I get there

I've also offhandedly mentioned my jealousy timkon au which is loosely inspired by this fic and has established timber with kon coming back into tim's life and sort of messing everything up. I like making my favs suffer idk what to tell you. it's a no capes college au with childhood friends to strangers to friends to lovers and I'm actually going to break form and there will be no cheating! I've written a lot about cheating in the past but this is going to remain in the realm of longing. there's about a page and a half written of this and I have some vague ideas of where I want it to go but I haven't even decided if I'm going for a oneshot or not. probably not but if so it'll end up my main fic for a while so I want to at least get the mental health fic and the valenpool valentine's day piece done by then

and finally I have two pieces of smallville fic I'm planning on writing, probably after I've done my lecture in april (assuming it'll get accepted but I haven't been told no in three years, so). I've actually detailed both of them already but if you missed it the first one I came up with is a post s10 slice of life fic, ignoring the arrowverse Crisis plot cause it's bullshit and clark wouldn't give up his powers, and ignoring s11 comics cause I haven't read them. the second one has a detailed outline in an ask from earlier this month and it's my fix it for lana's send off in season eight cause fuck that plotline

so yeah that's everything on my mind! obviously this isn't exactly a small amount but I'm hoping to start finishing things and stop starting them any day now (he said, lyingly)

[timandlucy]

hi suz! gosh, i've gone and done it again, it's been a while since i last messaged i'm sorry! the last week or so has just gone by in a blur.

what have you been up to since i last checked in? are you feeling any better? tell me all the things!

thank you SO MUCH for sharing your linstead fic, i can't wait to read it soon!

honestly dreaming about surprise songs is one of the most fun things about going to the eras tour lol my show isn't until the end of 2024 and i'm ready thinking up surprise songs that i'd want to hear. since she'll be resetting surprise songs and i'm assuming we'll have rep tv by the time your shows are, i am keeping my fingers crossed that she sings a rep track for you! the folklore and evermore sets are probably my favorite during the tour because they're so incredibly stunning, especially visually. the projections during august, the moss piano for champagne problems, the choreo of willow...everything about those sets are perfect and were probably my favorites of the eras tour. the rep set also really goes off so i know you'll have a great time then. the whole concert is amazing! that would be a super cute look for tour, the lover heart around the eye is *chef's kiss*

please let me know if you pick up any of the books i mentioned! i'd love to hear your thoughts! are you reading anything currently?

i'm definitely into the holiday spirit! it's been busy around here lately, but i've been watching 1-2, sometimes 3, christmas movies a night this week which has been really fun. i rewatched scott wolf and kristin chenoweth's hallmark movie the other day and it really is one of my favorites. it always makes me cry! i'll probably watch it again before the end of the year lol

sending love, good vibes and lots of holiday cheer! - secret sleuth 🧡 🔎

Omg don't even worry! I totally get it. I was so insanely busy with work and everything, it's a miracle I even get to open tumblr anymore these days.

What have I been up to? Hm, I'm still coughing really bad like 3 weeks later, so I think I might have possibly had the C-word. Work has also been busy, since I work at a bookstore and holiday season... retail hell and so on. Working at a store doesn't really make me appreciate the holidays any more. People can be so horrible and I've barely been keeping it together.

I'm crossing my fingers for King of my Heart for Vienna concert because the friend that I'm going with (and that got me a ticket as a gift), that's her favorite song, so I really want that. I've given it a lot of thought obviously, but The Lakes would be amazing, since it's one of my faves, but also DBATC because it took me forever to not mess up the lyrics and I would proudly scream it, and I just love it so much. Ahh I am so happy you liked the folklore and evermore sets, that makes me even more excited. In a way, I'm super happy we got the movie, because that means I won't be worried about every detail, and I'll be able to be more present. I'm just so incredibly excited!! 137 DAYS!!!!

Of course I will! I'll try to get some for the holidays, maybe I'll have some time to read then. I need a break for real. So this is gonna sound funny, but there's this YA really old book series called Sadler's Wells/Ballet Slippers. And I kinda wanna do a Nace AU loosely based on the main love story in it, so I'm re-reading that hahaha. Also sometimes it just feels good to read something like that for the nostalgia, you know?

Omg, lucky you! I haven't watched any in the past week. It's been busy, and I'm just tired. I really do like that one so much! I did watch Holidate last week, I really think Emma Roberts should only do rom-coms, she is so good at them!

Tomorrow is the last hectic day at work, so I'll hopefully be a bit less busy from then on and finish setting up my tree (it's been lightless since I got sick, I know, a travesty).

Sending lots of love and christmas magic! ✨🎄☃️

[somestorythoughts]

Narrative Role vs Personality

There was something that felt weird to me when I watched the 1st season of the clone wars, I thought I figured it out and now that I've seen a few more seasons and haven't changed my mind I'm gonna post about it and hopefully make some sense in the following ramble.

It feels like there's a bit of conflict between the writers giving the clones a narrative role and making them actual characters. Yes all characters have a role in the narrative that's not the point, the point is that, from the outside, the clones' role in the story is just to be an army. You need bodies to make up an army to show the audience that this a war, and the audience isn't supposed to really invest in them past wanting the good guys to win.

That's not a bad thing, it's normal when you have sci-fi/fantasy armies. That's the role these guys play:

We love the dramatic charge of the Rohirrim, we take a solemn moment to acknowledge the bodies in the aftermath, and that's it. We mostly feel actively sad for the characters we know, or sometimes background characters who are there for emotional impact. The role of an army in these shows/movies is to look good, die, and win or loose. It's the same kind of role characters in adventure movies like Indian Jones or the Mummy play, those people who get caught by lethal traps. You can expand that into "it's messed up that they're being used as test subjects for booby traps" outside the film but their only role in the narrative is to show that the traps are dangerous. Again, not a bad thing narratively. In a story, someone's gotta show that the 1000-year old knife trap is still sharp somehow and yes the evil scarabs are alive. And sometimes those are also minions or bad guys but it still applies.

I think horror movies do the same thing but it's not my genre so not certain how their deaths work.

And in aotc and rots, the clones are pretty much pure plot device. They've got a narrative role and they fill it. They're an army, they do the fighting the dying and the killing, we get very little personality out of them. Been a while since I've seen rots so I can't say if they get no characterization, but I'm pretty sure it's VERY low. We know the basics of their background, we don't know them.

And then the clone wars came around and it gave them personality. It gave them characterization. And sure the series seems to be largely focused on the Jedi, but they still took the time to give the clones some character beyond just being bodies to fill the ranks.

And it's not like you can't kill characters the audience cares about, everyone knows that isn't the case. But if you give characters personality, the audience is more likely to care. If the care, they might be upset that they're dying over and over so easily without much in story mention. And people really latched on to the clones.

It doesn't help that their backstory is kinda fucked up. I have no idea how much of the shit they go through on Kamino and in the wider galaxy in fanfics is canon and how much of it is fan-based (I haven't finished the clone wars series and I'm not quite invested enough to track down the comics right now) but even without that you're talking about millions of people cloned and raised for war by trainers that are at the very least unfriendly, a genetic donor that selected one for a son and does seem to care at all about the rest, and the war they're fighting is entirely engineered. They're made to fight a war and then wiped into blank slates by a bunch of mind-control chips (even if we look at the movies without the show since that was later, there's still plenty of messed up stuff in being bred and raised solely for war). It's messed up enough that people are gonna be interested in that backstory and that might be part of why people latched on to the clones in general instead of only individual troopers though I can't be sure. It's one thing if you've got people who's narrative role is to kill and be killed and look cool while doing it. It's another thing when that's their purpose in the story.

And the clone wars gives us these occasional episodes that show first that some of the clones actively don't want to be here and second that there are some even among the jedi that see them as inferior. Their reactions in the Umbara arc to Krell using numbers instead of names are strong enough that even without them saying something like "we don't like being called by numbers its dehumanizing" that idea still comes across clearly.

Umbara also tells us that they can be ordered to kill their friends, and they will have to comply.

One of the things the clone wars tells us is that this is a really messed up situation. That the story of the clones is a tragedy. But I don't think it always acts like it.

The thing that was bugging me was Plo Koon's declaration that the troopers mattered to him and Windu taking the time to rescue a trooper and later on Ima-gun Di's last stand with his troopers, juxtaposed with the casualness in the series as a whole with which entire ships are destroyed. And I know, its tricky to talk about this kind of thing when you're making a kids' show and you only have 20-odd minutes on top of that. I'm not really blaming them for treating the troopers the same way you treat an army in any fantasy war story. It's fiction. Explosions on a screen are fun. We all like a badass fight scene. I'm probably not the intended audience for this show anymore and that means my perspective isn't the one the writers are trying to hit.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that it feels a little like the writers gave the clones too much character for their narrative role. And if you as a writer say in-universe that these people's lives matter, sometimes it might feel a bit weird when a ship full of them is blown to pieces and never remarked on again.

I want to end this by acknowledging that I am WAY overanalyzing a kids' show I KNOW so if you're going to criticize this analysis feel free but please criticize about a different point because I recognize the overthinking hell this took like three times as long as I expected to write I have no fucking clue where the time went.

[indefinitelyjaded]

Current Save - Super Sim

This is the save that I've been playing most often, lately. In addition to the usual Super Sim rules (with which, admittedly, I've been a little fast-and-loose), I've also decided I must play the Careers and Aspirations in order of pack release. I'm doing the same with Skills, but with looser restriction - I can build them whenever, but I have to master them before I move on to the next pack. Also, for the Careers that have branch options, I'm using cheats to demote myself back down after completing one branch so I can complete both.

As of right now, I'm still working through everything Base Game: I'm in great shape with the skills; just have Comedy (Level 9) and Gardening (Level 8) to finish.

Careers I've completed (all branches): - Astronaut - Culinary - Painter - Tech Guru - Writer Currently, I'm in the Oracle branch of the Criminal career (Level 7), and I haven't done the Boss branch yet. Aspirations I have left are: - Deviance > Public Enemy (currently working on this one) - Family > Big Happy Family - Family > Successful Lineage - Love > Soulmate - Nature > Freelance Botanist - Nature > The Curator - Popularity > Joke Star - Popularity > Party Animal (Thank heavens for James Turner's new Super Sim Tracker tool!) I'm saving the Family aspirations for last, because I really don't enjoy playing with large households (and especially babies. Fun fact: infants came out in, what, March? - and I still haven't played with them!); my single Sim is enough to take care of, sometimes! I'll be able to knock out Soulmate then, too, as the only thing I have left to complete that one is to get married.

Speaking of getting married... my Sim is currently engaged - to a man who is already married. Yeah, that autonomous proposal capability they added to the game works flawlessly! The worst part is, I have all the marriage options available, which makes me think I could probably go through with marrying him while he's still married to his first wife. (Nothing against poly folks - that's just not the story I want to tell here.)

And speaking of my Sim... meet Stella Waters, my totally-not-self-Sim.

And here is Stella with her married fiancé, Dexter Townsend (sigh):

(Went on a date to a restaurant - Dexter's wife ends up being the NPC assigned to the Host role. Pretty much nobody else got seated, because she was too busy stomping over to our table to slap him every 5 minutes. As if restaurants aren't glitchy enough all on their own.)

Stella still has some romantic relationship with a few other Sims from doing the Serial Romantic aspiration, so maybe she'll end up marrying one of them instead... though I don't think Don Lothario is really parent material, not to mention he's currently engaged to Nina Caliente, thanks to me ("I found a ring in ___'s bag" pop-up).

I'm going to try to take more screenshots of this save file and post periodic updates as I continue. I don't really care if no one ever reads this; it'll be nice to have for me to look back on and remember things I might otherwise forget (like literally everything in my Not So Berry save).

[astridofraftel]

reading challenge update #8

In January I owned 30 books that I had not read yet, some of them I had been procrastinating for 7 years and counting, and I decided to change that! 2023 shall be the year I eradicate my To-Read-Pile for good. And I just finished half of my goal! Even better, if we look at the total number of words, I'm actually ahead of schedule, because the longest books are already done. If I keep this pace, I could even complete my reading challenge in November, and then I'll be totally free to BUY NEW BOOKS!! :DDD

Just finished: Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse + Il était une fois dans le Nord (Once Upon A Time In The North) by Philip Pullman + Le Roi Lear (King Lear) by William Shakespeare

Currently reading: And I Darken by Kiersten White

Next on schedule: L'Ultime Expérience by Bruce Benamran + Boudicca by Jean-Laurent Del Socorro + Le Flambeau + Témoin à charge by Agatha Christie

They're technically not on my challenge schedule because I don't own them (yet) but I'll probably want to read Now I Rise and Bright We Burn by Kiersten White in priority since the book I'm reading right now is part of a trilogy. I'm only about a third in but I enjoy it a lot so far, so I'm pretty positive I'll want to read the rest.

It's based on east-European history, which I'm not very knowledgeable about, but I don't want to fact-check a lot until I've completed the series, just in case real history spoils me. The vibe and the characters are really interesting and alluring, I'm very curious to see where it'll get me!

It's not my first time reading a K. White book, in 2021 I read The Guinevere Deception and I really liked it! It was part of a trilogy, too, which is now complete, and was a rewrite of the Arthurian legend from the POV of "Guinevere"... I still remember clearly what I liked about the characters, which is a good sign that they were endearing (Lancelot my beloved), and I loved how the magic worked.

The other books I just finished were rather short and I haven't a lot of thoughts about them. An advice just in case, don't read the one by Philip Pullman before reading the trilogy it's supposed to follow, His Dark Materials (my favorite books btw)

The next books I own that I have to read are all in French. First, a thriller written by a French YouTuber who did popular science videos that helped me a lot when I was in high-school. I don't really know what to expect from this one. I'll also have to read Boudicca, which I think I'll like, and two short story collections by Agatha Christie, which don't have English equivalents and I can't bother to list the story titles.

I have a 22-hours-round plane trip ahead of me this summer so I hope the lightest of my physical copies and the ebooks on my phone will keep me from loosing my mind :')

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[cha-melodius]

What fic have you been working on the longest? What scenes from a fic you’re working on now are you the most excited to write?

Thank you for the ask!

So, of fics that I'm actively writing or at least planning on finishing in the near future, I'd say the answer to that question is a fic titled "Streets Paved with Diamonds," which is the followup to my Napollya art student/fashion designer AU that was published last Christmas. That one I started in January and is still only partly written, which is kind of ridiculous because it's basically just a one shot. But I keep getting distracted from finishing it!

Technically, though, I have a WIP that is partly published and I (shamefully) haven't updated since Dec 2019 ("True Love Will Find You in the End"). It's even nearly done but I pretty much moved on from the ships and I can't find it in me to work on it. Also I really don't love the overall story, it's a mess because I didn't plan it at ALL and there are so many random storylines and loose threads. (I learned my lesson about story planning, after that one!)

I'll choose scenes from two different fandoms for your second question!

So I'm currently writing (another) Napollya Christmas AU, because I'm a sap apparently. The premise is loosely based on the 1945 movie "Christmas in Connecticut," and involves some hidden identity-type stuff. I'm looking forward to writing the big "reveal" scene for that one at the end, because I always love writing the scenes where the tension is resolved and all the feelings come out, lol.

And then, for "A Good Man is Hard to Find", I think the scene I'm most looking forward to writing is the final big action piece, which is also going to be a time when feelings are revealed. Plus the fluffy epilogue, because it will be very soft. There is also a scene that I've already written but will be a bit before it gets posted, that I am SO excited to publish, because it was the most fun to write and I think people will love it (and scream at me, lol).

Thank you again! I always love talking about WIPs, because maybe it will inspire me to actually finish some of the older ones lingering in my WIP folder. 😅

[askmerriauthor]

Star Wars: Visions thoughts and discussion

Been on a bit of a Star Wars binge lately. Getting ready for the Book of Fett and the return of The Mandalorian soon, just finished playing the Jedi: Fallen Order game, and recently "Star Wars: Visions" dropped on Disney+ (not to be confused with the, like, half-dozen other Star Wars properties that use "Visions" as their title). If you've got the streaming service and haven't watched the series yet, I can honestly suggest you should do so. The whole thing is a series of very short episodes and is entirely non-canon to the setting, so you don't even need a hard understanding of Star Wars to enjoy it.

In fact, it's actually better if you don't know anything about Star Wars going in. Spoilers and brief episode discussion after the jump.

Episode 1: The Duel As soon as I saw a lightsaber umbrella and a R2 droid in a hat, I knew this one was going to be a must-watch.

I REPEAT. LIGHTSABER. UMBRELLA.

Solid kick-off for the short series. Dig the aesthetic, dig the classic samurai vibe (even if it's more of an homage than a direct application of the style), dig the simple story. The particular animation style they chose here was a little wonky but I quickly got used to the visuals and loved a bunch of the design choices too much to care. This one was very action/style-focused and clearly chosen as the leading episode for that reason, which I don't fault them at all for.

Episode 2: Tatooine Rhapsody I'm sorry, I don't recall giving Star Wars permission to be this fucking adorable, how dare you.

The tale of a Padawan survivor of Order 66 who makes a new life for himself not with the power of the Force, but with the power of Rock and Roll and Friendship. Bitchin'. Super adorable, semi-chibi art style that's honestly ringing, like, a dozen different bells in my head for trying to figure out all the different styles it's drawing from. Good fun, if a bit bland in the end. The biggest problem is the music. The story relies on "using music to save the day", which is fine. But when you use that trope you need an absolutely face-melting banger of a performance, which this just doesn't have. An enjoyable entry all the same though. Not bad, not great, cute designs; the quirky story of how Jabba the Hutt got a new slave band to play at his den.

Episode 3: The Twins This entire episode is animated by the team who brought us Kill la Kill and that should really tell you everything you need to know.

You know how if you get a bunch of little kids together, they'll start playing make-believe games where they just invent stories and plot twists and super powers like "I have whatever you can do, but infinity plus 1 better!" shit like that? That's what this short is. It has only the vaguest allusions to the setting proper and immediately hurls every semblance of consistency, logic, and sense out the window with both hands. It is 1,000,000% style over substance.

Okay, y'know what, no, that's not enough to describe the utter insanity this episode is. All I can find online is pictures of the main villain character pulling a General Grievous impression or the protag snaring lightsaber whips on his lightsaber, but that is fucking tiddlywinks compared to where this episode goes.

There is a scene in this short where the protag, who is ghost-riding the hood of his X-Wing upside down in space without a space suit, super-charges his lightsaber into a giant rainbow of FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS with the power of familial love and fabulousness, using said rainbow super saber to CUT AN ENTIRE STAR DESTROYER IN HALF WHILE ACCELERATING TO HYPERSPEED, all to save his twin sister's life by making her explode in a somehow non-harmful manner.

This short is utterly nonsensical drivel and yes I would like more right the fuck now, please and thank you.

Episode 4: The Village Bride Wait, we're actually trying to tell a reasonable story in this series? Sorry, I was still on a sugar high from the previous episode. Lemme sit down.

The Village Bride is great. Excellent short that's just dripping with atmosphere and a slow, purposeful pace to its writing. It's short and sweet with little focus on the Force-using characters themselves, which actually serves to its credit. Even in the Star Wars universe, the Ainu people can't catch a fucking break. Easily one of my favorites in the whole run.

Episode 5: The Ninth Jedi The fact that two characters in this short have Sasuke's haircut was extremely distracting. But I actually really enjoyed this entry overall.

Despite playing extremely loose with the established lore around how lightsabers work, this episode over all others really embraces the original setting and tells a slow-burn story about the potential revival of the Jedi Order. A little meandering at times, but it's a solid piece and well worth exploring. Of all the shorts in the series, this one has the greatest potential to actually continue on as a standalone series or be folded into the canon franchise. Main protag is an adorable bean and I love her.

Episode 6: T0-B1 This episode is simultaneously a love letter to Astro Boy and a giant middle finger to Star Wars lore purists.

The tale of an imaginative Droid named T0-B1 who dreams of becoming a hero like the Jedi he's heard so many stories of. This short gets extra credit for being so unyieldingly stylish and charming. On the surface of its presentation and story choices it seems like it doesn't know anything about Star Wars lore, but it's actually packed full of some pretty deep cuts that show the folk behind it do know what they're talking about and just don't fucking care what purists have to say. The entire thing is just "Yeah, I'm ignoring your lore, but I'm doing it in a fun way that makes the setting more interesting, and I'm so genuine about it that you can't be mad at me". I can respect that. Plus the old dude in that screenshot is an armless Jedi who's retired to be a botanist and that's just fucking cool.

Episode 7: The Elder I'm Episode 1, but better.

This one. This shit right here. This is the good shit.

I'm sure y'all have heard before that Star Wars is directly inspired by Kurosawa and samurai films in general, but The Elder really digs into that hard. Where Episode 1 styles itself after a samurai tale, Episode 7 is a samurai tale. Subdued, methodical storytelling, slow-burn pace, charming dialogue amid believable characters, and a truly intimidating villain who provokes a brief but striking duel. This is my vibe. I crave more of this. Far and away the best short of the entire series.

Episode 8: Lop and Ocho Oh for fuck's sake, there's going to be so much porn of this bunny girl character, isn't there?

This entry is another that kind of meanders with the story it's trying to tell and plays very loose with the lore. It reimagines a lot of what we know of the Jedi/The Rebels and Sith/The Empire into a feudal faction-based conflict akin to what you'd see in a period samurai drama. Modernization and callous industry crushing the spirit of the people and breaking apart families. A decent work overall, but nothing really all that impressive in the end. It takes too long to get going and then peters out halfway through its pay-off for some reason.

Episode 9: Akakiri The fact that I had to look up this episode's name and scenes online and still could not remember anything about it should tell you a lot.

The series ends on a downer with the dramatic tale of a fallen Jedi who sacrifices himself and succumbs to the Dark Side. Turning evil for... the greater good? Wha? Had some pretty neat visuals, but I genuinely cannot remember a damn thing about this episode or its characters. Big swing and a miss in terms of impact.