#Uncle Crosshair?

[barissoffee]

the bad batch is a comedy

[mmaeiarts]

manifesting for S3 🤍🤍

[robotsandramblings]

[here-comes-the-moose]

I’m so glad that Season 3 basically confirmed one (well basically two) of my biggest Wrecker headcanons- he would love to fish and would love boats.

[floofyroro]

Thinking about if the Batch had their own biological children, they would then be not only the ‘Dad’ batch, but the ‘Uncle’ batch as well.

Uncle Tech (reluctantly) letting his baby niece play with his goggles. (He has an inability to say no to her)

Uncle Wrecker with a water gun, squirting his nephew in the face. (He feels bad about it later)

Uncle Hunter playing peek-a-boo with his baby niece. (The baby thinks it’s hilarious and Hunter can’t stop smiling)

Uncle Echo using his scomp to write in the sand with his nephew, who’s currently practicing Aurebesh. (He visits from time to time on Pabu, just so he can spend time with them)

Uncle Crosshair falling asleep on the sofa with his baby niece on his chest, snoring. (He’s sleep deprived but won’t say no to babysitting.)

Aunt Omega playing a game of tag on the beach with all of her nieces and nephews at once. (Tech ends up taking a photo of this on his datapad and hangs it on his and Phee’s fridge)

[blackseafoam]

Omega being raised by 3 older brothers on Pabu would go something like:

-Once Omega is taller she and Wrecker play a game where they run at each other and slam shoulders together repeatedly until one of them falls over (it’s usually Omega). Batcher doesn’t like this game and always barks and jumps at them when they do it.

-When playing frisbee on the beach Crosshair thinks it’s hilarious to throw it way out into the ocean and make Omega get it like a dog (batcher can sometimes be convinced to get it but sucks at locating it in the waves)

-Hunter goes into Omegas room and stands there just to annoy her, then he’ll steal something and walk away to force her to come out.

-The batch regularly takes the village kids tubing behind the fishing boat. Hunter runs the boat jerkily but never goes too crazy. Wrecker always goes for the biggest wave and gets the kids to fly up in the air. Crosshair just goes in circles until they all flip off and skip across the water like stones.

[lunarheir007]

I know everybody loves crossdad BUT may I present instead cool uncle Crosshair. Like he’s that uncle that you always wanna impress and hang out with at every family function. Doesn’t have any kids of his own cause he claims their annoying but he actually has a soft spot for them Omega. He’s also overly protective of Omega whenever she hangs out with him because he knows if anything happens to her he will never hear the end of it from her father Hunter

[lunarninja613]

You can not tell me that Uncle Iroh would not help immensely in Crosshair's healing journey.

I mean, this man sat a guy who was trying to mug him down for tea and made him rethink his life choices.

Plus, he helped Zuko, and he was a real piece of work when he started out.

So, if anyone could help Crosshair, it's this guy.

[missfrieden]

Tech as a father Chapter 65

Tech has his own way of handling the stress of the recent intrusion.

I also had to split it up, or it would hve been way to long.

Masterlist | AO3

Chapter 65: Mittens

As Tech steps out onto the platforms of Tipoca City with Orion cradled against his chest, the gentle patter of the rain hitting the facility surrounds them. The cool, misty air envelops them both, contrasting with the warmth of Orion nestled in his father's arms. The rhythmic sound of rain hitting the metal surfaces creates a calming melody. Which is as familiar to Tech as it has to be for Orion, even if it may not have the same calming effect yet.

Tech takes a leisurely stroll along the bridges, the soft pitter-patter of raindrops echoing in the background. The reflections of the neon lights on the wet surfaces add a surreal glow to the environment. Orion, bundled up in a cosy outfit, gazes curiously at the rain-slicked surroundings with his bright blue eyes. Tech's mind, usually occupied with tactical calculations and technical details, finds a rare moment of solace in the simple act of walking with his son. The familiar scent of the rain-soaked air mingles with the subtle fragrance of Orion's baby shampoo. The sound of distant thunder reverberates, creating a soothing backdrop to their stroll.

Tech, immersed in the tranquillity of the moment, reflects on the challenges they face and the need to protect Orion from the prying eyes of the Kaminoans. Orion, oblivious to the complexities of his surroundings and the depth of his father’s thoughts, responds with innocent babbles and tiny grasps at the raindrops. His tiny fingers, encased in mittens, try to catch the droplets, creating a heart-warming scene. Tech can't help but smile, appreciating the simplicity and purity of these moments with his son. As they continue their walk, the rain serves as a cleansing force, washing away the tensions and uncertainties that lingered in the in their everyday lives.

Tech, finding a sheltered alcove shielded from the rain which intensified, another storm about to rage over Kamino, gently lowers himself to his knees, creating a makeshift haven for Orion. With precise movements, Tech positions Orion, supporting him under the arms, ensuring his tiny boots meet the cool surface of the formed puddle. Orion, snugly dressed and sheltered from the elements, looks down with wide-eyed curiosity at the reflective pool beneath his feet.

Tech, always calculating and vigilant, observes Orion's reactions. The puddle, a miniature world to the little one, captures his attention. His tiny hands, encased in mittens, reach down to touch the water, creating ripples that mirror the raindrops around them. Orion's babbling adds a joyful counterpoint to the ambient sounds of the rain. Tech, momentarily setting aside the complexities of his usual calculations, finds himself engrossed in the shared experience. The cool water beneath Orion's boots and the gentle touch of raindrops become sensory delights for the little one. The reflective surface mirrors their silhouettes, creating a snapshot of this father-son escapade on Kamino.

As the rain continues its dance, Tech relishes in the simplicity of the moment. Orion's laughter mingles with the rain's gentle cadence, creating a precious memory etched against the backdrop of Kamino's sterile metallic structures. In this sheltered alcove, father and son find solace, temporarily shielded from the demands of duty and the scrutinizing eyes of the Kaminoans and other clones.

As the distant rumble of thunder gradually transforms into a resonant roar, Orion's bright eyes widen with a mixture of curiosity and unease. The sound, amplified by the open expanse of Kamino's platforms, reaches him with an intensity he hasn't experienced before. Tech, attuned to Orion's reactions, senses the subtle shift in his demeanour, quickly getting up and holding him close.

Orion, nestled in his father's arms, grips the fabric of Tech's jacket, seeking comfort from the sudden onslaught of sound. His little body tenses, and his gaze searches the skies, trying to comprehend the source of this new auditory experience. The rain now falling more steadily and rapidly, adds its own percussion to the symphony of the storm. Tech, ever the analytical mind, adjusts his stance, ensuring that Orion is shielded from the rain and the unrelenting sound of thunder. He softly speaks to Orion, his voice a soothing undercurrent against the backdrop of the storm. The rhythmic patter of raindrops on the metallic surfaces provides a counterpoint to the deep resonance of thunder.

With a practiced motion, Tech loosens the hood of Orion's protective covering, allowing him to peer out at the rain-soaked surroundings. The distant flashes of lightning illuminate the cloudy canvas above, momentarily transforming Kamino's gloomy atmosphere into a captivating display of nature's power. As the thunderstorm intensifies, Tech continues to comfort Orion, his steady presence and calming words acting as a steadfast anchor. The once-startled expressions on Orion's face gradually yield to a mixture of wonder and acceptance, as if he's beginning to understand that the storm, while formidable, is a natural occurrence. But with each thunder, Orion seems to forget what Tech tried to say.

Tech, mindful of Orion's vulnerability to the storm's sensory assault, swiftly retreats into the facility, seeking refuge from the overwhelming sounds of the storm. As the thunders are now quicker in succession. The metallic echo of rain is replaced by the comforting hum of the facility's climate control as they step through the door. Orion, still cradled in his father's arms, continues to whimper, his bright blue eyes reflecting a mix of confusion and fear.

Finding a more secluded area, Tech gently lowers himself to the ground, supporting Orion with his hands under the tiny arms, leaning him against his legs. Orion, now focused on his father's face, seems to find solace in the connection. Tech, using a soothing tone, begins to explain the phenomena of thunder and lightning to Orion. “Orion, you see, thunder and lightning are like a dance in the sky. When you see that bright flash, that's the lightning. And then, the loud sound that follows, that's the thunder. They happen together because lightning makes the air around it really hot, and that creates the sound we hear as thunder.” And he dives even more into the physics of it, before he decides to head back.

As Tech navigates the sterile corridors of Kamino, not stopping his explanation, Orion's cries finally subsided. The explanation, combined with the return to the familiar, controlled environment, helps ease Orion's distress. Tech reassures him with a soft cadence of words, emphasizing that they are now safe from the elements, shielded by the facility's walls. Continuing his gentle narrative, Tech points out a nearby window, where occasional flashes of lightning paint brief, vivid patterns in the darkened sky. He uses simple words to convey the natural beauty and scientific principles behind the storm. Orion, still cradled in his father's arms, watches the mesmerizing display with wide-eyed wonder.

The storm, once a source of apprehension, becomes an educational moment for Orion, guided by Tech's measured explanations. As the echoes of thunder gradually fade into the background, Tech uses this opportunity to impart not only scientific knowledge but also a sense of security and understanding to his son. The two of them, nestled within Kamino's protective embrace, continue their exploration of the world, one lesson at a time. No matter if Orion is to young to understand, Tech will gladly explain it again… and again.

Tech chuckles, interpreting Orion's playful tugs at his hood as a form of communication. He adjusts the hood, as they walk through the corridors, Tech continues engaging with Orion, savouring these simple yet precious interactions. "Pulling on my hood, are we? Perhaps you're suggesting I need extra protection from the storm, or maybe you're just showing off your budding fashion sense." Orion responds with more enthusiastic babbles, his tiny hands exploring the textures of Tech's jacket. Tech relishes in the joy of sharing these moments with his son. The bond between them deepens with each step, reinforced by the subtle gestures and playful antics that bridge the gap between father and child.

As they approach the squad barracks, the familiar presence of his brothers awaits. Tech, with Orion still comfortably nestled in his arms, enters the shared space. The atmosphere shifts from the controlled environment of the facility to the warm camaraderie of the squad's quarters. Tech, always attuned to Orion's needs, ensures that the transition from the stormy outdoors to the familiar space of the barracks is seamless. Orion, now surrounded by the comforting presence of his family, continues to explore the world through his bright blue eyes, eager for the next adventure, lesson, or playful moment with his father and uncles.

Crosshair, arching a sceptical brow, gazes at Orion's mittens with a hint of amusement. "Mittens? Really?" he quips, his tone carrying a touch of dry humour. "Is Kamino suddenly turning into Hoth, Tech?" Tech, undeterred by Crosshair's scepticism, responds with a calm demeanour. "Crosshair, it's merely a precaution. Kaminoan temperatures tend to be on the cooler side, especially during a storm, and I'd rather not risk Orion catching a cold."

Wrecker, always ready to inject a playful remark, chimes in with a hearty laugh. "Yeah, Crosshair, you never know when Hoth might be next on our mission list. Gotta be prepared!" Crosshair smirks, giving a slight nod in acknowledgment. The banter among the squad members adds a layer of warmth to the otherwise sterile surroundings of Kamino, which seems not to the standard for this barracks. Meanwhile, Orion, oblivious to the banter about mittens and Hoth, babbles contentedly in Tech's arms, occasionally reaching out to explore the world with his tiny gloved hands.

Tech, carefully removing Orion's mittens and then unzipping the warm jacket, lets out a small chuckle as Orion reacts with glee to the raindrops. "Enjoying the rain remnants?" he says with a soft smile, his voice affectionate. The simple joy in Orion's response brings a warmth to the hearts of the squad members. As Tech begins to undress Orion, the baby gazes up at him with bright blue eyes, seemingly fascinated by the process. Tech, ever efficient, selects a breathable onesie for Orion, ensuring the comfort of his son during sleep.

Wrecker, who has been watching the interaction, adds in a boisterous tone, "Looks like we've got a rain-loving little trooper here!" “Unless it involves thunder,” Tech explains in agreement, finishing the dressing routine with practiced ease. He cradles Orion in his arms, now in lighter sleepwear, and begins to softly hum a calming tune. The gentle atmosphere, filled with the sound of raindrops and Tech's soothing melody, creates a serene moment within the squad's quarters.

Crosshair, ever observant, notes the scene with a subtle smile. "Tech, you're turning into quite the dad," he remarks, a hint of approval in his voice, but clearly amused of hearing his brother hum. Tech glances over at Crosshair, a soft expression on his face. "I suppose I am," he replies, his attention returning to Orion.

Wrecker's laughter echoes through the barracks as he claps Tech on the back, with Tech holding Orion just a bit tighter. "Six months, and you're already a pro at this dad stuff!" Echo nods in agreement. "Time does seem to fly, Tech. It feels like just yesterday we were relaxing and you told us you need to try some flying manoeuvre out, and now look at you. A diaper changing soldier."

Tech, holding Orion in his arms, shares a small but proud smile with the squad. "Indeed. It's been quite the journey. And I would do it all over again." Crosshair, ever the sharpshooter, observes, "The kid's growing fast. Ready for a mission on Hoth with those mittens." Tech chuckles, "Maybe not Hoth just yet," as he begins the process of getting a bottle ready for Orion.

Chapter 66

Reblogs are very welcome and I am open for feedback, as english is not my first language, so maybe my sentences may be weird sometimes, or I write a word wrong even with google, or I use a wrong word for an item.

Tag: @spectacular-skywalker @neyswxrld @clonethirstingisreal @sleepycreativewriter @moonwreckd @sskim-milkk @heidnspeak

Got press on nails after not wearing them since my operation last year. Feels strange but familiar, just gotta get used to an even length of all. Typos here I come.

[locitapurplepink]

Crosshair and Omega's relationship reminds me of Jesse and Michelle sometimes 😁😅

[zoeykallus]

Hey Miss Zoey love your work! Just curious I've been reading a lot of the Dad batch but what about Uncle batch? For instance if you had to babysit the nieces and nephews with one of the boys or Rex or Wolffe how do you think it would go?

I hope that you are having a restful weekend and all is well. 😁

Aloha!

Thanks! Love to read that 😊 The "Uncle Batch", huh? Doesn't ring as good as the other one, yet I think it's worth a shot 😁 I'd like to know about that too!

I'm assuming younger kids, not teens...

The Bad Batch HCs - The Uncle Batch

Hunter

He's the uncle with the sick knife tricks that the kids aren't supposed to copy. The uncle who knows all about wilderness survival and takes them camping. He teaches them about fishing, making campfires, setting up camp and picking mushrooms. He is great with his nephews and nieces, he has the calmness and patience to be a good role model, except for the knife thing, maybe. Hunter has a way of calming children when they are hurt or scared, his voice and calmness soothe them almost immediately.

Echo

Can be a gentle soul, but he is not afraid to be stricter when he sees fit, unlike most of his other brothers, he can definitely say "no" when he has to. This doesn't make him unpopular, though, he is the uncle to go to for advice, and he tells the funniest stories about his brothers. He also makes the best snacks when he is responsible for the food as a babysitter. He might be stricter than the rest, but he is also loving and patient. Echo is that uncle the kids want to have around when they are sick. Echo makes the best soup and has the softest voice when reading to his sick nephews and nieces.

Wrecker

The fun uncle, who constantly tells jokes, takes the kids to fairs and amusement parks. Wrecker knows a lot of funny games, boredom does not arise that quickly. He can hardly say "no" and most of the time the kids have a sugar shock when they are left alone with him, because Uncle Wrecker always has sweets with him. Of course, he likes to watch over the kids, and he protects them with his life if he has to. The kids adore him, he is so warm and lively, but also gentle, that goes down well with the kids.

Tech

The uncle who knows all the answers, well, most of them. He knows a lot, tells a lot, and often doesn't realize whether he's exciting or boring the children. But his inventiveness knows no bounds, he invents new games practically non-stop. He is good-natured and can hardly say no, but when it comes to the safety of the kids, he puts his foot down. Nephews and nieces like him because he always has an answer when they ask him something, he is attentive and patient and never gets tired of answering their questions. The kids learn from him, but in a way he also learns from the kids, especially in the interpersonal area. He learns to read their behavior, and at some point he knows before something happens that something is up.

Crosshair

He tells the best scary stories, mostly ones that aren't really suitable for the kids, but they hang on every word he says with fascination. He is the quiet, grumpy uncle who rarely comes out of his shell, yet is adored on all sides by his nephews and nieces and is not infrequently introduced as the cool uncle. Of course, Crosshair pretends to be annoyed by the clinginess when they cling to his limbs, but underneath the grumpy facade sits a proud uncle who enjoys the attention.

Quite possibly, he'll smugly say to his brother(s), "Your kids love me more than they love you."

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaw

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@cpnt616

@dangraccoon

@jediknightjana

@pb-jellybeans

[cameronirat]

Crosshair girlies we are so back 🤭

[questforgalas]

Best Sniper in the Galaxy (An Uncle!Batch AU)

Summary: Crosshair bonds with his niece the best way he knows how

Notes: I'm not someone who wants kids, but I love my nieces and nephews like they're my own, and I know there are lots of Dad!Batch HCs, so I wanted to give us some Uncle!Batch antics. Crosshair being a softy for his niece :) I kept Hunter's partner g/n and Nina's birth vague because families are created in many ways so I wanted this to be able to relate to many. Nina is named after CT-99 :')

WC: 2.5K

Tags: AU, Order 66 never happened. Sheevy dies via Melroun fruit. Uncle!Crosshair. Dad!Hunter. Just fluff and soft family vibes. Shooting lessons so guns mentioned

Tay's Masterlist

On AO3

“Again,” Crosshair drawled, flipping his toothpick to the left side of his mouth, softly biting down to keep it in place. His knee was starting to go numb from being bent at the same angle, and he’d lost the feeling in his forearm a long time ago, but he remained by the prone youngling beside him, offering support to the DC-17 hand blaster in their hands.

The shade of a thick, tall tree protected them from the harsh sun of Takodana, and the dense part of the forest he and Nina were currently occupying protected them from the gaze of Hunter and his partner. Not that Crosshair and little Nina were doing anything wrong – it was important for a youngling to know how to protect themselves – but Crosshair wasn’t in the mood for one of Hunter’s over-protective-dad moments. Besides, it’s not his fault his niece possessed the ability of persuasion better than any Jedi mind trick. She may have been six years-old, but she knew the power widening her eyes and pouting her lips had on her uncles, especially the silver haired one.

30 minutes ago, Hunter and his partner left for the port 5 klicks away to retrieve supplies. Echo and Tech were busy, knee deep in ship repairs and diagnostics, and Wrecker wandered off with Omega, keeping an eye on her while she explored the new-to-her planet, which left Crosshair with his favorite duty – babysitter duty.

Little Nina joined their family a little over 6 years ago. Her first year was spent on Coruscant with Hunter’s partner since the galaxy was still plagued by the war, and the batch were in their usual routine of being off-planet for multiple months at a time. Crosshair gave it to Hunter. Fighting a war you were kind of just told to go fight in while your partner took on the burden of raising your first, and probably only, child as a solo-parent wasn’t easy. But they and Hunter touched base whenever he had a minute on the Marauder or at camp, trying to keep him included the best way they could.

One thing that helped keep his dad-itch satisfied was the little clone scientist that joined them after one of their breaks on Kamino. Omega, a pure genetic copy of Jango Fett and assistant in the Kamino cloning labs, was starting to drive Nala Se to insanity with her rapid, curious mind. So, after a series of brief trainings and a clear understanding of when she was to join a mission versus when she’d stay on the Marauder, the clone girl joined Clone Force 99.

Near the end of Nina’s first year, a kernel of hope planted when the Batch reported for their mission on Kaller, providing reinforcements to General Billaba’s forces, and Tech announced that General Obi-Wan Kenobi had engaged General Grievous on Utapau. When the mission was over and the batch received word that Obi-Wan had indeed defeated the last remaining Separatist leader, the Spotchka was broken out. They thought the war being over was going to be the only thing they celebrated that day, but then the news that Chancellor Palpatine had perished when he slipped on a Malroun fruit core and fell out the window of his office hit their comms. Turns out, he was a Sith trying to take over the Republic and kill the Jedi, if you can believe it. So, galaxy and Republic saved meant a lot of Spotchka was opened that night.

It was easy to predict that Hunter was going to spend the next few years on Coruscant with his family while Nina grew, but it shouldn’t have been such a surprise to him that his 4 other brothers and little sister followed right behind him. They found an apartment not far away so they could pop in to help out with the youngling when they could, but by Nina’s fifth year, the retired soldiers were getting antsy. Even Omega was starting to find the metropolis planet boring. The final push came from Hunter’s partner when they declared that if they had to look at one more durasteel wall as their view, they were going to need more than the Jedi Halls of Healing to fix their mood. So, the uncles and aunt loaded up on the Marauder, and Hunter and his family on their private ship, and the squad was off exploring the galaxy once more.

Cut back to Takodana, a quick rest while they resupplied and ran maintenance on the ships. Hunter wasn’t even past the tree-line before Nina was tugging on Crosshair’s hand, and the sniper looked down at her with a knowing smirk and a quick wink.

“Patience short stuff. Your father isn’t out of his earshot yet,” Crosshair cautioned. As if to prove his point, Hunter paused in the forest, giving a quick look back at the ship. The sniper rested his hand on Nina’s shoulder, gently nudging her into his side – more like his thigh because she barely came up to his hip – and gave Hunter a casual wave. The female replica of the sergeant took her cue from her favorite uncle – according to Crosshair – and gave her own enthusiastic wave. A distrusting, narrowed look was still on Hunter’s face before his partner nudged him along, forcing him to turn away from the very obvious duo.

Another impatient tug on Crosshair’s left arm had him chuckling. Just to tease her a little more, he casually took a toothpick out from his belt, and slowly placed it in his mouth.

“Uncle Crossy. Uncle Crossy. Uncle Crossy,” Nina started with insistent tugs.

“Yes, little Nina? Would you like something?” Crosshair played along. He knew exactly what she wanted, but what kind of uncle would he be if he just let her have whatever she wanted whenever she asked?

“Can we pleeeeeeeease go practice?” Her pleading neared top levels. Relenting, Crosshair looked down at his jewel in the galaxy. He didn’t want children, never felt the call to fatherhood like Hunter always had, but he thrived as an uncle, and he’s loved Nina as fiercely as her father has ever since he first held her. His normally snarky eyes melted once his gaze met hers. Using his exceptional eyesight, he gave one more glance through the tree-line to ensure that Hunter was out of enhanced-hearing range.

“Alright short stuff. We’re in the clear. Let’s go find a good spot.”

That was twenty minutes ago. Thanks to the forest covered area Tech found for the ships, it wasn’t hard to find a good spot for target practice that was far enough away to not get spotted incase the supply party returned early.

This little tradition of theirs started a couple months back when Crosshair was looking after Nina and she was especially restless. Nothing he tried kept her attention for more than a minute, and she was bored with all of her usual activities. As he was wracking his brain for how to occupy her, he noticed she took to picking up pebbles and throwing them at the leaves in the trees. Excitement overtook Crosshair when an idea came to mind.

Was his next decision the wisest he’s ever made? Hunter would probably argue no, Echo not far behind him, but when the sniper set up a tiny target range and handed Nina his DC-17 – supervising her the whole time of course – he’d never seen the youngling sit still for so long. Naturally, this became their little past time, one that Nina pleaded for anytime she realized Crosshair would be the one looking after her.

“I can do it, Uncle Crossy. You don’t need to hold the blaster,” his niece currently tried to bargain with him. They had the same discussion every practice, the mini-Hunter looking for independence wherever she could. Crosshair supposed she got that from Tech. He didn’t need to look far to figure out where she got her stubbornness from.

“You can shoot the blaster on your own when you can beat Uncle Tech at dejarik,” Crosshair compromised not taking his eyes off the blaster in her hands. He kept it to himself that it was impossible to beat the genius at the strategy game.

A small huff passed Nina’s lips, but she kept her green eyes trained on the target resting on a stump a few feet in front of them. Eyes narrowed and tip of her tongue poking out, she hit the trigger. Each shot reminded him how small she actually is as the minor kickback of the blaster forced his other hand to gently brace her back, keeping her from toppling over. This time she was only slightly wide on the target, a vast improvement according to the scorch marks on the trunks nearby.

“I hit it! Look Uncle Crossy! I hit it!” Nina cheered. Crosshair swiftly took the blaster out of her hands before she threw her arms up in triumph, and when she turned to him with eyes bigger than the sun shining above, he didn’t bother fighting the grin that overtook his face.

“There you go, short stuff. Told you you could do it.” The sniper lifted his hand which she enthusiastically hit with her own. “Do you want to try again?” Crosshair asked.

Nina looked to the ground for a moment, seeming to think hard about her uncle’s question. Her nose scrunched – another trait of his he smirked at – she came to a conclusion.

“I don’t think so. My arms are tired.”

Crosshair softly hummed in understanding, “Makes sense. Shooting’s tiring work.” He gave a playful squeeze to her bicep. “We’ll build up these muscles. Get you holding my firepuncher soon enough.” The promise of holding her uncle’s prized rifle had Nina’s eyes shining like gemstones, and before Crosshair caved and gave her the rifle now, he looked at his comm to check the time. They’d been out there for 45 minutes, and it was a 5 minute walk back to the Marauder.

“Alright ad’ika, time to walk back. Looks like the sun’s going down,” the sniper observed.

“Oh, can we have nerf nuggets for dinner!” Nina jumped up at the thought.

“You had nerf nuggets last night,” Crosshair countered. He knew it was useless.  

“Yessss, but I didn’t have nerf nuggets today.” How could he argue with such logic? Giving a non-committal hum, Crosshair flicked his toothpick to the side and slotted the blaster in his holster. With a hand on his niece’s back, he gently guided her back in the direction of the ship, and as they started walking, the little girl slotted a tiny hand in with his, holding onto him with a strong grip.

“Uncle Crossy,” Nina interrupted the silence.

“Yes, little Nina?” Crosshair drawled.

“Am I going to be able to shoot a rifle as good as you one day?” Big, green eyes looked up at him, not missing a step in her stride. Internally smirking, Crosshair made a mental note to make Hunter aware that his mini-me was showing more affinity towards the rifle than the knife, but that was for later.

“You have to keep practicing, but one day you might rival me,” He smirked down at her, laughing at her concentrated pout at his answer. She was as competitive as Wrecker.

After a few moments, her scrunched nose returned to its normal state, and a determined look took over.

“I’m going to be the best sniper in the galaxy and go on missions and save everyone!” Her statement was emphasized with an energetic jump, punching a victorious fist in the air.

“I’m sure you will, short stuff. Let’s not give your dad a heart attack just yet though,” the sniper playfully ruffled her hair, causing the little girl to giggle as she tried to swat him away. Soon enough, the Marauder came into view, and Nina went running towards Omega when she saw her aunt with a basket full of new treasures. Crosshair made his way to the ship intending to put the target away when Hunter walked down the gangplank.

“Where’ve you two been?” Hunter came to a stop at the bottom of the ramp, arms crossing his chest, standing with a lean.

“Forestry lesson,” Crosshair simply said, popping a toothpick in his mouth as he continued past his brother.

“Forestry lesson huh? Thought that was Tech’s thing?”

“Trying something different.”

“Oh really? And when did learning about nature involve blaster shots?” Crosshair felt Hunter’s gaze on his back, and he paused his stride to turn back towards his older brother. Guess the gig was up, but Crosshair never gave up that easily. Signature smirk gracing his lips, the sniper gave a nonchalant shrug while he met Hunter’s gaze.

“Hmm, couldn’t tell you. Couldn’t have been us. Nina was elbow deep in dirt.”

Hunter closed his eyes, took a deep inhale, and then let loose a giant sigh as he tilted his head up to the sky.

“Maker help me Crosshair,” Hunter gritted out. He took a beat before meeting Crosshair’s gaze again and pointed a finger at him. “Hand blasters only. She doesn’t go near a rifle ‘til she’s 13. Practice in view of the ship.”

Crosshair’s smirk was at full force. “Sir, yes sir.”  

Hunter gave him one more pointed look before shaking his head and letting a hint of a smile take over.

“She already asking for the firepuncher?”

“Our first session. Says she’s going to be the best sniper in the galaxy,” Crosshair answered with pride lacing his voice. Hunter groaned.

“Of course, she is. Maybe I should rethink delaying her knife lessons,” he muttered to himself.

“Don’t take it too personally, Hunter. She’s smart for her age. Recognizes talent easily.” His older brother openly glared as Crosshair finished teasing him with a pat on the shoulder. The sniper chuckled at his brother’s obviously bruised ego at his daughter choosing a rifle over his preferred skill set, but there was time. Nina’s desires changed as frequently as the wind.

“Dada, come look what Aunty Omega found!”

Both brothers laughed at Nina’s enthusiastic interruption when they noticed her hopping up and down, pointing at a basket of foliage.

“Dada will be right there, cyar’ika,” Hunter called. He turned back to Crosshair and clasped his hand over the sniper’s arm that was still resting on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Crosshair. She couldn’t have asked for a better uncle to keep her safe. Or me a better brother.” With that, he gave Crosshair a nod and made his way over to the youngling now rattling a hundred questions a minute at Omega.

Crosshair took in the scene, contentment washing over him. During the war, he didn’t think of what life could be like when it was all said and done because he never knew if he’d actually get there. Now, looking at his family, he didn’t question how he’d become so lucky to know peace like this. Per his luck though, the peace didn’t last long as he heard Hunter’s partner’s voice raise above the group.

“Crosshair’s teaching her how to WHAT?!”

[a-lil-perspective]

Asher (5 y.o): *runs up to Hunter with an excited smile*

Ba’vodu Hunter: *smiling real big* Little Man!

Asher: *goes for a fist bump*

Hunter: *bumps Asher’s tiny fist* What’s up, bud?

Asher: *turns his fist over*

*opens it*

*a frog jumps out on Hunter*

Hunter: What’s tha—AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

[arctrooper69]

Hello! I love your stories. Could I request a Drabble about Wrecker being a body guard for a Princess trope? She likes him but he doesn’t think she does. And if it fits “Can you lock the door please?” From your prompt list. Thanks!

Hello friend! I'm so so so sorry that it's taken so long for me to get this out to you! I've been sitting on this for probably about a year now. So sorry! Also... it turned into a full-blown 12 page fic instead of a drabble. Hope you enjoy!!!! 😂❤️🫂

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The Princess and the Wrecking Ball

Wrecker x Princess!Reader

Warnings: Loss due to wartime, small mention of blood. Mostly just some cute hurt/comfort 🥰

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"Really Hunter?" complained Wrecker, "A princess?"

Hunter frowned and nodded. "Yes. Just for a few days." He looked around at the others for confirmation and they simply nodded.

"Why do you seem to be the only one that has a problem with this?" Hunter gestured to his brother with thinly veiled frustration. He'd never seen Wrecker this adverse to a mission before. Even when it required rappelling from treacherous heights.

"Because last time he met a princess he fell head over heels for her and she hated his guts." Crosshair spoke evenly as he sat on his bunk, cleaning his rifle.

Hunter frowned, looking back at Wrecker. "Is that what this is about?"

Wrecker looked down, shrugging nervously. He rubbed the back of his head. "I just don't like Princesses, okay? They think they're all that and then they look at you with those pretty eyes and you think you've got a chance, and you think they really like you and then they realize that you're a clone and call you a stupid, ugly mistake."

The group was silent.

Hunter cleared his throat, "Well, you don't have to get along with her. We're just supposed to transport her safely back to her uncle on Coruscant."

Wrecker crossed his arms, frowning, "Why do we gotta do it?"

"She's in danger, Wrecker." Echo explained, "and it's a favor for Senator Amidala."

"Why can't she do it?"

"She's a senator. She can't exactly sneak into Separatist territory."

"Besides," Hunter added, "The princess' uncle has offered us a lot of money to get her safely to him."

Crosshair looked up. "You mean, we're actually getting paid this time?"

"But - " protested Wrecker.

Hunter looked at him sharply. "We're going to get that princess and you're going to treat it just like another mission. That's an order. Got it?"

Wrecker groaned, "Yeah Sarge, I got it."

"Good. I don't want to hear another word about it from you."

"Do I at least get to blow something up?"

"We'll see."

Wrecker grumbled under his breath. Hunter narrowed his eyes at him but didn't say anything else.

"Well..." Tech spoke up, "Now that that's settled, I'm making a list of everything we need to requisition."

Tech held the datapad out to Echo. He looked over the list.

"I can't think of anything else."

"What about the princess?" Wrecker asked suddenly.

Crosshair sighed, "Here we go again..."

"Hey! I'm just tryin' to be helpful!"

Hunter closed his eyes, "What about her, Wrecker."

"Well uh.... Won't she need things too?"

Tech looked up, "I have included rations for an extra passenger on the way back. That will not be an issue."

Wrecker shifted awkwardly. "Yeah but... What about... women things?"

Crosshair choked on his caf.

Tech blinked, “What women things?”

Wrecker shrugged, “I saw some ad on Coruscant for it once. I don’t remember what it’s called. Think it happens like on a full moon or something, every couple rotations?"

Tech lowered the datapad in his hand to stare at his brother. “She is a woman, Wrecker... not a werewolf."

Hunter closed his eyes again and sighed, rubbing at his temples. Some days he wondered how exactly it was that they'd made it as commandos this long.

"I'm gonna go ahead and veto that one. I think it would be a little weird for a group of elite soldiers to have uh... women things.... on the ship."

Wrecker grumbled, "I was just trying to be helpful."

Crosshair nudged his shin with the butt of his rifle. "Lighten up, Wreck. We are literally getting paid to play taxi for a pretty princess. We could do this in our sleep." He chuckled, "Actually I'm pretty sure I have done something like this in my sleep."

Tech rolled his eyes. "Don't be an ass, Crosshair."

"At least I can get a woman's attention if I wanted to," he goaded.

Tech scoffed, "For your information, I have had several females ask for my com frequency."

"That's enough!" Hunter placed his hand firmly on the table. "Seriously guys? You're acting like a bunch of shiny regs. This is a mission. We're going to act like professionals."

"Have we ever really been professional?" quipped Tech.

Hunter sighed, "Let me rephrase that. We're going to do this just like we've done any other extraction. We get in, grab the target, get out. Got it?"

A chorus of "yes, sir"s announced the end of the discussion.

---

The smooth finish of the once beautiful wood floor felt cold on your cheek as you hid beneath the bed.

"Run! Run and don't look back!" Your mother's terrified voice echoed in your ears, and then the click of the lock as she pushed you into the back hall. Then the shrill scream she'd let out as the droids dragged her away. You'd only run when you heard the blaster fire.

One shot. Thud.

Your father and brother crying out in anguish.

Two shots. Thud. Thud.

Silence. Then voices - modulated and mechanical. Cold and calculating.

"Find the girl."

"Roger Roger."

You felt the dust creep up around your fingers, digging under your nails as you felt along the floor. It floated into your nose and down your throat, tickling and irritating. You suppressed a heavy sneeze that popped your ears, making you aware of every tiny noise. The metallic, icy fear that gripped your chest twisted every noise into something mechanical and violent.

It has to be here somewhere.

There.

Your fingers found purchase on a small, metal surface. The biometric lock whirred to life as you pressed your fingers to the surface.

A hatch hissed open revealing a small room in the wall beside the bed. You crawled out from under the bed, dusting off your pants. It felt naked, being out in the open like this. Dangerous. Vulnerable.

Deftly, you climbed into the hidden room and the hatch hissed closed behind you, locking you in. A dim light illuminated a small room. An emergency com device sat on a stool in the corner and a blaster hung on the wall. A ladder along the back wall led upwards. You had been here enough times with your father that you knew it led to the rooftop. But this time, it wasn't a drill and this time, you were alone.

You dialed the frequency.

A trooper sporting a red and white helmet appeared on the screen. Though you couldn't see his face, he seemed bored.

"This is a secure channel. You shouldn't have this number."

"I..." your voice left your lungs as barely a whisper.

"What's that?" He sounded annoyed now. A knot formed in the back of your throat.

"Speak clearly, please."

"I need to speak to my uncle." The words came out forced and choked.

"Look ma'am, this is a secure channel for GAR personnel only."

Someone said something in the background and the trooper turned, "...nothing, Sir. Just some civvie with the wrong number." He paused, listening to whoever was in the room with him. "...yeah she's trying to call her uncle or something. I'll handle it."

The screen shifted and suddenly instead of the trooper your uncle's face appeared.

"I... I need help." It took everything you had left in you not to burst into tears as you told him what happened. How the droid army came. How your father refused them. How they killed his family first and then him. How you ran and hid.

"Okay," Came his soft reply. "Okay. Keep the door locked and stay where you are. I'll send someone to come for you."

----

The message had come in only a matter of hours and now you waited, lying flat on the roof, for the ship to come carry you away.

Smoke rose in columns. You could smell the fires and tried not to think about the screaming. The people - your people - were dying and there you were, hiding away. Waiting for a rescue that the common citizen would have no hope of. Their choice was to surrender or die. They would die here.

Suddenly shouts rang out just below. "Hey! You! Stop!" The cold, whiny voice of a foot soldier. There was a scrambling of hurried footsteps as whoever they were chasing ran and tripped. You peered over the edge of the building.

"Hey! Where'd you go?" The battledroid sounded confused. Whoever it was chasing hid well.

You watched the figure slowly crawl, inching his way along the entrance to a garbage chute. There were only two ways for him to crawl. A dead end or the garbage chute. The droid seemed to suddenly notice this as well.

"Ha. Ha. You have nowhere to hide now."

He looked young - only a child. Maybe 12 or 13. He looked terrified.

Gritting your teeth, you made a decision you hoped you wouldn't regret.

"Hey!" You shouted. Both the boy and the droid looked up. "You leave him alone!"

"Look, it's the princess!"

"Wait, she's not supposed to be here!"

Kriff. There are more of them.

"I'll take care of her."

Both turned their blasters towards you. The boy was gone but now you'd given up your position.

Kriff. Now I'm dead.

You squeezed your eyes shut, ready for the inevitable blast that would carry you back into the arms of your family.

---

The blast came louder than you'd expected - more painful too. Your head throbbed fiercely and ears rang loud enough to muffle the sounds of yelling and blaster fire. The ragged edges of the wall lay rough and cold as your fingers found purchase on its stones, gripping tightly to shakily pull yourself to your feet. Something wet and warm trickled down your forehead, stinging your eye. You hissed as your fingers found the small cut above your eyebrow, fingers coming away red and slick.

Someone was shouting.

"Princess! Princess!"

This can't be happening. This can't be real.

"Princess!"

That voice again, loud and deep - shredding through the thudding of your pulse and the ringing shock in your head.

A pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around you, yanking you from the ground where you stood.

Panic sprang from every pore in your body as you struggled against that impossible grip.

"Hey! Calm down! You're safe! I got ya!"

He was running. The world seemed to flow by as if you were watching it through someone else's eyes.

Smoke drifted through the sky. Fires burned hot and buildings lay broken and crumbled. The only thing that felt real were the strong arms of the man carrying you from the carnage. Away from everything you'd ever known.

---

Your eyes never left the burning horizon of your home until the vast blur of hyperspace wrenched it away. It was only then you found yourself taking a breath, gasping as if you'd forgotten how to breathe.

"Are you okay?" A figure knelt beside you, slowly drawing your gaze to him. Long, dark hair hung over a dirty red bandana. "My name's Hunter. That's Crosshair, Tech, and Echo." He pointed out each of his brothers, "and that's Wrecker. He's the one who brought you back here."

You looked up at him. The large man looked as if he wanted to say something but stopped.

Hunter got up to join his brothers, leaving you to sit alone on the bunk.

You winced, bringing a hand up to your forehead as the cut stung with the stale air of the ship. Wrecker's look of feigned indifference suddenly morphed to one of concern as he peered through the short passageway of the ship.

"Hey she's bleeding!"

Wrecker immediately grabbed the medscanner, turning towards you - then paused.

He glanced away, the urgent need to make sure you were okay, suddenly transformed into an anxious uncertainty. He rubbed the back of his head in a nervous gesture.

"Here you do it!" he grunted before violently shoving the device at Tech who fumbled it a nanosecond before deftly catching it with sturdy fingers.

Tech frowned, "You are perfectly capable of taking the scan yourself." He sighed as Wrecker averted his eyes. "...but I will take over from here if that is what you want."

"Thanks Tech... I - I just don't wanna make 'er uncomfortable, ya know... in case she's scared of me on account of how I'm... Ehh, you know..."

Tech raised an eyebrow. "I do not think that is a problem, but I'm sure she would appreciate your consideration."

---

Wrecker sat glumly on the floor, leaning against Gonky, watching as Tech headed back up to the cockpit. His eyes slowly lingered back to you as you sat on the edge of the bunk.

"See, she's staring!" whispered Wrecker, leaning over to Crosshair, "I don't think she likes me."

Crosshair shook his head. "She's just in shock. Her family was practically killed in front of her. She's scared."

You could hear them whisper, glancing over at the way you sat stiffly on the bunk he'd sat you on.

Wrecker, he said his name was. An apt name for his profession. Yet, contrary to the tales that Tech had regaled to you, Wrecker seemed to simmer to a calm around you - like any sudden movement might scare you away. The concern was nice, but unnecessary.

He'd seemed so passionate when he'd jumped to save you from that blast.

"Hold on!" he'd boomed. "I've got you!" And you believed him.

Wrecker - the calm within the storm, until he became the storm itself. That was a nice thought.

Lifting your feet onto the bunk, you curled into the thin mattress. You wouldn't sleep. You couldn't. If you closed your eyes, those sounds would haunt you again.

"Run!"

Screaming.

"No!"

Blaster fire.

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

No sleep would come tonight if you could help it - but the heavy fluttering of your exhausted eyelids soon proved to be more than you could fight.

---

"She woke up screaming."

The words, supposed to be a whisper, echoed dimly from the cockpit into the bunk where you lay - not quite asleep, but not awake either.

"We all heard it, Wreck." Came the somber reply from their leader.

"Yeah." A moment of silence. "Think one of us should talk to her?"

"Maybe."

"Tech, you do it! You're good at knowing stuff."

"I am unsure if I would be a suitable candidate for a conversation on such a delicate matter. I can offer solutions to improve her sleep but I do not think that is the issue here. Perhaps Echo should be the one to talk to her?"

"I don't know..."

Another moment of uneasy silence.

"Aw, come on guys" Wrecker's loud voice complained.

"Shhhhhh!" Chorused his brothers.

"Oh. Sorry!" His whisper wasn't much quieter.

"Wrecker's right," Hunter spoke. "Someone should talk to her."

"Wrecker, you should do it." Offered Echo.

"Me!? Why? I'm no good at stuff like that!"

"Hmm.... Echo may be right. She does seem to have an emotional connection to you, Wrecker. More so than to us."

"Wha.... whaddya mean?"

"He means she likes you, Wrecker." His brother smacked him on the shoulder.

"Hey! She does not!"

Crosshair smirked, "Oh she definitely does."

Wrecker fervently shook his head, "Does not!"

"Does to! In fact, I heard her last night in the fresher." Crosshair's grin widened, "She was all 'oh Wrecker, ohhh'" he mimicked the sound of your voice in jest.

Wrecker froze. "She did not! Yer just making that up!" He glanced at Hunter. If anyone had heard anything it would've been him. Hunter glared at Crosshair, who sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Okay, fine. I made that up. But..." he poked his brother in the gut with a boney finger. "I still think she likes you."

Wrecker frowned, rubbing a hand on the back of his bald head. He still looked unsure.

"Just get in there!" Crosshair kicked the back of his knee, causing him to stumble forward a few feet towards your bunk.

---

Wrecker sat awkwardly for a moment. He licked his lips. You blinked up at him, sleep still clouding your eyes in a confused daze.

He took a breath. He could do this.

It took you a few moments to fully wake, and another few to realize that Wrecker was sitting on his bunk, staring at you. A rush of heat stirred butterflies through your stomach - a feeling that had become all too familiar since being aboard this ship.

Wrecker looked nervous.

You blinked at him, tilting your head. He was still staring. "Uhh... Can I help you with something, Wrecker?"

"You dream bad." He blurted out.

Huh? A look of confusion crossed your face as a look of horror overtook his own.

"No! I mean.... I mean..." He shouted.

You jumped, startled.

He cleared his throat, looking mortified. "I mean... Ya... You..." he stuttered miserably. "Ya had a bad dream and I was just wonderin' if you were okay." He looked down, "That's all." He gulped. Great, he blew it. "I'll uh... I'll leave ya alone now."

He turned towards the cockpit, face red with embarrassment.

"Wait..." Your voice called out from behind him. "Wrecker wait...."

He paused.

"I... I think it was really sweet of you to come see if I was okay."

He heard you shift on the bunk, sitting up to swing your legs over the side.

"I... I'm sorry if I woke you up."

You sounded sad and Wrecker felt his heart crack. He turned back around, sitting down on his bunk again, facing you.

"Nah, I was already up." He chuckled, that explosive grin reappeared across his face. "Besides, it's pretty impossible to wake me up. Just ask Tech. One time him 'n Crosshair made a bet to see what they could do to make me wake up."

You giggled, the icy fear that gripped your chest began to warm. "What ended up waking you up?" You asked, genuinely curious. "Who won the bet?"

Wrecker grinned. "Crosshair did. He put a tooka treat in my ear and left the ship open. It was when we landed on Lotho Minor. There's lots of tookas around there."

You giggled, imagining a sleeping Wrecker surrounded by an army of tiny mewing tookas.

He was silent again and you felt those angry claw sneak their way around you again, freezing through your veins. Wrecker must have noticed, his smile faded.

"Didja wanna talk about it? Or..." he trailed off.

You shivered and leaned into him. Without thinking, he put his arm around you, pulling you closer - keeping you warm.

"I... It's just a lot to process." You said softly. "I just keep remembering. I keep hearing them die."

Wrecker didn't say anything. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to see somethin' like that. Yer a princess. Yer supposed to go ta parties and drink those fancy juice things and eat those tiny sandwiches."

You sighed, "It's not all just parties and fancy stuff all the time, you know."

Wrecker sat up, looking at you. "It's not!?"

"No," you chuckled. "Sometimes it's sitting in on a really boring meeting. Sometimes it's learning how to fire a blaster in case you have to defend yourself."

"Whoa..."

You smiled sadly, "Lots of people don't like me when they hear I'm a princess. I think they think, that I think I'm better than them or something."

"That's a lot of thinkin'" Wrecker replied, not meeting your eyes. You chuckled.

It was silent again.

Wrecker cleared his throat, “I uhh… I think I know what you mean.”

You looked at him quizzically.

“A lotta people - “ Wrecker started, then paused. “Well, most people actually. They think I’m stupid just because I’m big and kinda slow with words and stuff.”

You frowned. “But aren’t you the demolition expert? You blow stuff up, right?”

Wrecker grinned at that, momentarily forgetting the awkward seriousness of the conversation before. “You bet I do!”

His smile was contagious and you found it inflicting its endearing passion across your own face. “Well then you can’t be dumb, silly!” you teased. “Don’t you have to be super smart to learn to build and disable all those explosives?”

Wrecker paused, “I dunno…”

You cut him off. “And not to mention the chemistry and physics and numbers it takes to do what you do so well!”

Wrecker shifted brushing his hand against your leg. You froze, suddenly realizing exactly how close you were to him - how his arm draped warmly around your back. The unexpected contact seemed to leave you breathless.

What was this?

Your skin seemed to burn where he'd touched you. You looked up at him.

This mountain of a man had saved you without even ever having met you before. He'd charged right into blaster fire, scooping you up as though you weighed nothing and he did it all with a smile on his face. You let out a shaky breath, shivering as he shifted and brushed against you once more.

Immediately, Wrecker jumped to his feet, realizing his mistake.

"I... I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scare ya or... or touch ya... I..." He stuttered, "I... I'm such a..."

You looked up at him wide-eyed. "Wait! Wrecker stop!"

He paused, looking down miserably.

Now it was your turn to blush, "I... I didn't mind it." You said quietly, looking down at your feet.

He still looked unsure.

"I like being around you, Wrecker. You make me feel safe."

He looked down to where you patted the spot on the bunk beside you.

"You sure?" He asked tentatively.

You nodded, "I'm sure."

"You wanna know something funny?" He asked, voice uncharacteristically quiet as he sat again.

"What?" You smiled, leaning towards him.

"I thought you weren't going to like me... Just like you thought we weren't gonna like you."

"Of course I like you, Wrecker! And I'm really glad you were the one to find me."

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[tangents-within-tangents]

Hi, my name’s Omega! And this is my dad-brother Hunter, and my mom-brother Echo, and my wine aunt-brother Crosshair, and my big brother Wrecker, and my little brother Tech, and my uncle Rex, and my pirate vodka aunt Phee, and my surprise sister Emerie, and my lizard-dog Batcher, and my long lost DNA brother Boba Fett, and