#WHERE ARE YOU YOU DANISH BASTARD???

[somedaytakethetime]

Other girlies: the highest of high def. content, tons of it all the time

Me:

[thedreadvampy]

watching Sam play Screed: Viking Time and I have. Questions. about Asgard. to whit:

why must people always paint Loki as a generic villain? he's not a generic villain! he's a trickster! he's an Anansi kinda guy! he talks his way into trouble and then talks his way out! he's not even a villain he's just not always on the Asgardian side and he often Causes Problems On Purpose but he also...fixes them. for Asgard. idk it annoys me it's like always putting Hades as a villain in Greek stories it's like nah he's just a Different Kind of Guy

minor gripe but at one point Thor yells 'Jotunheim scum!' and can I just say that's like me running into battle against these guys yelling 'NORWAY SCUM! DENMARK BASTARDS!' like. I know you know the adjective is Jotun because you keep saying it.

Speaking of Greek stories I see we ran out of time on the design side and had to dip back to some Odyssey stuff because BOY HOWDY is this a Mediterranean looking Asgard. where exactly the fuck did all these fluted stone columns with Tuscan capitals come from? what's with the big courtyard with a geometric pool? why are there what appear to be sheets of lapis lazuli in the walls? why is there literally a Greek ruin in part of Asgard? there's these statues along the Bifrost and not only are they mounted on Doric columns and in classical contraposto they are literally wearing chitons and Corinthian helmets.

there's no longhouses! there's no wooden buildings! there is one (1) stave church style building and as Sam says it looks like it was made in the Sims, like someone had a sense of what they wanted it to look like but all the wrong building blocks. it's all stone columns with, at best, some knotwork patterning slapped on (over fluting, which is wild, even in architecture where Greek style columns are appropriate you usually pick BETWEEN fluting and pattern work, and I would be much more up for giving them a pass if they used a Tuscan pillar shape but put knotwork on. like really for a Norse style stone columns would be better squared off (or, mostly, not there) but if they needed stone columns and arches I could close my eyes and pretend if they used like. Romanesque pillars and rounded arches like 11th and 12th century cathedrals (even though the game is set in the 830s). but they're doing this very kind of High Classical thing with a very thin and half-assed Medieval Norse skin slapped over bits of it in a way that didn't really get popular in Northern Europe for like another 600 years and idk if it ever really took off in Norway (idk much about Norwegian architecture tbf). which makes me think they literally just retextured and rearranged a bunch of assets from Odyssey which is a shame because designing an Asgard setting is such a fun design project where you could really explore some unrealistic extremes with wooden-style structures. but no. it's Greek.

and the thing is, ok. with the Greek theming in Asgard. I know it's only happened because the game was rushed out, but like the conflation of Norse and Greek has some very 😬 unintended implications wrt how much a lot of the people who are Very Into The Surface Level Aesthetic of both cultures are. how to say. fashy white supremacists peddling the myth of some unified White Western Culture where both Ancient Greek and Medieval Norse cultures feature heavily. and if I was. making a game about Norse history and mythology. I would personally be being Very Wary of feeding the fash bc white supremacists looooooove their imagined version of Manly Viking Alphas.

[seat-safety-switch]

When was the last time you saw a phone booth? For me, it had been awhile. The phone company flew in and ripped out the one near me as soon as they got the go-ahead. Inefficient, they said. Expensive, they said. Dangerous, they implied. Now, I have to drive for a couple minutes to find a payphone. Does it work? I dunno. I don't carry quarters anymore, not since the good doctor cured my Pac-Man Fever with a double-fisted dose of electroshock therapy.

As a kid, the humble payphone was my gateway to the rest of the world. It was calling my parents collect to come get me from the pool. It was prank-calling the local pizza production palace to see if their refrigerator was running (it was not; I saved a lot of cheese from spoilage, an act which in some faiths would give me a get-out-of-Hell-free card for light-grade homicide.) And, above all, it was the place where Mr. Stereotype, the nice guy who ran the Italian restaurant down the street, would tell me to wait for a call and then run to tell him as soon as I got one.

Now, it's become just another disappearing technology in my lifetime full of disappearing technology. There has been a lot of that in my life: my grandmother did not experience the rapid market-driven obsolescence of technologies such as "shovel" and "bicycle." Soon, I will resort to becoming a coot who barks out ridiculous, long-lost names of the past: Beanie Babies. Motorola StarTac. Flooz. Those around me, who did not engage in such a world, will at least have the experience of seeing payphones in classic works of film, and realize that at least in this one case I should not be remanded into one of those nice Danish senility clinics, where you get to interact in an idyllic fake village that has no cars.

What's the next thing to be pulled out of the public square during my lifetime? Nobody knows, but if I had to guess, it's probably going to be trees. I never trusted those leafy bastards, and they've been around for millions of years. Ripe for disruption. Put 'em all on the internet instead.

[physalian]

The Fantasy Language Translation Matrix

Whether you intend to write your own full-blown lexicon with different verb tenses and formal vs informal language, need unique words for spellwork, or just need new names for all your foreign places, behold… the Physalian patented Fantasy Language Translation Matrix.

(I kid. I have no idea if I’m the first to come up with this)

**Disclaimer!** After rolling out your fresh new vocab off the word assembly line, make sure you google it and that it doesn’t already exist and mean something you don’t intend.

Step 1: Pick your Derivative

You can make it sound completely foreign and like total gibberish, but I find it easier for you and other people to read if they have some real-world reference to compare it to, and so they have a clue for which pronunciation rules to rely on. For example: I did not know who René Descartes was my freshman year of high school. His last name was in my algebra book, and I, thinking he was Greek like so many other ancient mathematicians, pronounced his name as if he were Greek “Des-kart-ees.” I got made fun of.

Spare your readers the humiliation.

So say I want a vaguely… Russian/Latin/Italian influence. As opposed to French. Cool. That’s my starting point.

Step 2: Reorder the most common letters from English to your new language

In English, the average use of the standard alphabet by letter in order is this:

Ignore your vowels for a second. I don’t use charts like this on the regular, I use the Wheel of Fortune method and focus on RSTLNE, then go from there. I also want to make sure this isn’t a complete 1:1 ratio so it’s not super obvious I’m just juggling letters around, so I’ll knock out some “duplicate” letters and swap out singular letters for specific sounds.

The goal of this isn’t to stare at two existing language matrices and perfectly match them up, it’s to take the most common sounds and letters in English and make them new, common sounds in your new language, to sound more uniform and like you have a real etymology.

And I end up with this:

This might look a little confusing on how I got from A to Z so the basics:

All my vowels remain in the same place, they just get juggled around so I don’t end up with 8 consonants next to each other and word garbage

My “duplicate” letters are combined so I have more room for the new sounds, like c/k, f/ph/gh, h/wh, s/z. The new sounds then get the spare letters I had left over

Common english suffixes get reduced down so the pattern isn’t as obvious

If you want to include accent marks, this is your chance

I wanted to really emphasize the long “e” and long “i” sounds, so those got extra attention

Step 3: Translating

Oftentimes this is not perfect, or you end up with a word that just doesn’t fit the rest of your new vocabulary, because English is the bastard lovechild of German, Latin, Danish, and French.

I start with English, usually, but if the English word is too short or too long, I translate it first into another language, like Spanish, and go from there. Like “bus” vs “autobus”.

Using your matrix, go one by one. Let’s use a word like “letter”.

English: L-E-T-T-E-R

New: T-A-C-C-A-Z

Step 4: Polishing

So now I have my new word: “Taccaz”

Which is serviceable. I can throw an accent on either A or fiddle with the Z. I can start with “carta” instead and end up with “kizci”. The matrix is just a starting point. It’s designed to streamline the process when I’m otherwise feeling uncreative and in a rush, and it moves very quickly when I need to come up with full phrases and sentences that someone would actually say.

Step 5: Full sentences

This is only if you’re really digging deep and not coming up with the occasional fantasy curse word or new name for your fantasy land/realm/noun etc.

For this you’re going to need lots of tables. I based mine off romance languages because I know Spanish and romance languages make sense. This is where you decide how many pronouns, if any, you’re going to use, how the infinitive changes based on past, present, or future tense, how many nouns the word references, etc.

This is… a lot. Way more than you’d ever need for your manuscript. Ever. But I did it just for my own sake. Does it get long? Yes. Does it get tedious? Yes. The point here is to have little pre-manufactured word bytes you can plug and play with, with as little mental effort as possible so you can save it for the rest of your work.

I also came up with very common words already conjugated, like “to be” so I can just glance and type without having to remember to take “is” and go through the process over and over again.

Which means that I can take an entire sentence and translate it to my new language in about two minutes.

English: The payoff is worth it, this is so satisfying. New, roughly: Nu kioyb ela fyzip ne, iski ela valo nicenbalaev.

Of course, you can keep tinkering until you get something that’s easier on the eyes (I’ve been working with this language for years so I can read it pretty well), but not all languages are smooth and pretty and simple.

To be frank: Most readers will just gloss over this stuff anyway, but it shows that you put in the effort and it enhances the lore and the immersion when you do this. At least in the written medium. You can’t ignore it if this is meant to be in a screenplay.

Is this what a language professor would do or recommend? Probably not, I have no idea. Does it work? Yes. I have a fully functioning grammatical system where any input can give me a legible output.

To make this yourself, just change the order of the letters around, adjust your shortcuts, and come up with your own common sounds for those last two rows. The conjugation matrix is where you can really make it distinct, assuming you are basing yours off a romance language, which you don't have to.

—

And there you have it!

Don’t forget to vote in the dialogue poll before it closes!

[twsthc]

twst ethnicity & language hcs 🦇

THANK U EVERYONE ON TWITTER WHO SUBMITTED HCS!! This thread took me forever, pls forgive an punctuation/general writing inconsistencies or spelling errors

warnings: none

last updated: apr 11, 2024

some collective headcanons:

i think the characters who are close to each other share words with each other and everyone kind of mixes things up (projecting)

"que... 为什么 es 你的 kouting 说了吗?!"

???? i hope this makes sense

all of them swear in their native languages when angry (minus riddle)

HEARTSLABYUL 🍓

Riddle: White British & Kinh Vietnamese, speaks Vietnamese

╰Mom: 🇻🇳 Dad: 🇬🇧

this hc is based on my vietnamese friend whos mom is the same as riddles

thank you for the hc nhi ily

Ace: Filipino, speaks Tagalog

constantly using "nanay mo" (your mom) insults

Deuce: Han Taiwanese & Yamato Japanese, speaks (正體字) Mandarin

╰Mom: 🇹🇼 Dad: 🇯🇵

his mom and ahgong speak hokkien and he doesnt, he also struggles to read traditional characters

his mom gave birth to him when she was a teen and she doesn't know the father so he's not too connected to his JP side

Cater: Hispanic Filipino of British Latin descent, speaks Filipino and Spanish

Trey: Malay Indonesian, speaks Indonesian and Malay

SAVANACLAW 🥩

Leona: Tanzanian, Kikuyu Kenyan, Malian (Mandinke)

╰Mom: 🇹🇿🇰🇪 Dad: 🇹🇿🇲🇱

i know he sucks his teeth all the damn time

tsk get out of my way herbivore tsk ugh tsk

ghana is one of the only african countries that still have a monarchy

also the lion king is based off of Mansa Musa the Malian king so YA

Ruggie: Afro-Brazilian & Gullah, speaks Southern Tutnese, Gullah, & Brazilian Portugese

╰Mom: 🇧🇷 Dad: 🇺🇸 

projection beam

uses tutnese to be sneaky, Gullah with his grandma

i know the soul food in his house on sunday goes CRAZY

more connected to his Gullah side because his grandma is AA and he doesnt know his brazilian parent, but does try to learn more about the culture just for himself

Jack: Inuit Alaskan, Tarabin Bedouin Afro-Egyptian, speaks Arabic

╰Mom: 🇪🇬 Dad: "🇺🇸"

no one submitted hcs for jacky wacky...

well he speaks the Masri dialect methinks

OCTAINEVILLE 🐚

HONORABLE MENTION: someone said they hc the octatrio speak Danish with an Omal dialect!

Azul: White Italian/Hawaiian/Afro-Hatian, speaks Hatian Creole and some Italian

╰Mom: 🇮🇹🇭🇹 Bio dad: Hawaiian

His step dad is also Hawaiian so he was able to keep that culture as well

Apparently octopi are very important to polynesian culture! very interesting

The reason the tweels don't let him cook is actually because all of his creations come out so spicy and flavorful it started scaring white customers

Floyd: Okinawan Japanese/Afro-Bajan, speaks Japanese & Patois

╰Mom: 🇯🇵 Dad: 🇯🇵🇧🇧

I think the tweels are more connected to their Japanese side than their Caribbean side, but Floyd says "gwan" all the time so who knows

He often mixes Japanese and common language. Not because he isn't fluent in common language but because he wants to

When cooking he tries to combine both cultures (sooo much curry...)

Jade: Okinawan Japanese/Afro-Bajan, speaks Japanese & Patois

Both Japan and Trinidad and Tobago have really cool tropical landscapes so i think hed be super proud of his ethnicity (AKA the greenery from where hes from)

AH i forgot to mention, but to keep up with the islander theme from the OG movies i think the tweels would be more from the Okinawa region

SCARABIA 🌞

Kalim: Punjabi Pakistani, speaks Urdu

ok i said this on twitter but i think he tries to learn Arabic for Jamil (he's awful at it but he is TRYING!)

i also said methinks he likes how the word for "no" in Arabic sounds like "la"

whenever jamil tries to make him productive he goes "lalalala" and thinks hes the funniest person in the entire world

Jamil: Persian Iranian, speaks the Syrian Arabic dialect & Urdu

always talking shit about people in arabic

especially kalim, but kalim doesnt know how to say "lazy bastard" in Arabic yet so he is oblivious

POMEFIORE 👑

Vil: Jewish German-American, speaks Hebrew, French, Russian, & Spanish

╰Mom: 🇩🇪🇺🇸 Dad: 🇮🇳

looks almost completely white

she speaks so many languages mostly for her acting career

Rook: Zulu South African, Baoulé Ivorian, Canadian French, speaks French

╰Mom: 🇨🇮🇿🇦 Dad: 🇨🇦🇿🇦

when they came to NRC they weren't fluent in the common language but sam (louisianan, speaks French Creole) helped them, as well as vil who speaks french

now theyre more fluent in common language but still has a thick Montreal accent

has that phlegm-y "h" sound in the back of their throat

Epel: Laz Turkish & Southern American, speaks English and Kartvelian

╰Mom: 🇹🇷 Dad: 🇺🇸 

when speaking english he has a little southern accent :3

hes always confusing the languages he knows if the words are too similar, he also has a little Turkish accent

IGNEHYDE 💀

Idia: Romani Greek & Turkish, white Puerto Rican, speaks Greek and Spanish

╰Mom: 🇵🇷 Dad: 🇹🇷🇬🇷 

cursing people out in rapid greek and/or spanish in COD lobbies

i also think he learned like 3 Greek poems just so he could qrt people on twitter who he disagreed with

"those who can not obtain the grape will say it is sour" but like in Greek

DIASOMNIA 🐉

Malleus: Han Chinese, speaks Mandarin, Gaelic, & a shit ton of other languages

mostly speaks Mandarin

can read/write traditional and simplified characters!

HONORABLE MENTION: someone hced him as having Jewish descent and speaking Hebrew!

Lilia: Mongolian & Chinese, speaks Cantonese, Mandarin, Gaelic, and a shit ton of other ancient languages

i think he speaks with a Northern Chinese dialect in Mandarin, I dont speak Canto or Hokkien so idk about that srry :,3

he drawls his 儿s a lot methinks mostly to get a point a cross

Sebek: Egyptian, Nenet Russian, Han Chinese, speaks Cantonese & some Gaelic

╰Mom: 🇷🇺🇪🇬 Dad: 🇨🇳

is trying really hard to be fluent in Gaelic so he can impress malleus

he already knew some Gaelic but just basic words/sentences

Silver: Han Taiwanese, Tibetan, & French speaks Mandarin

╰Mom: 🇨🇳🇹🇼 Dad: 🇫🇷

the difference between Taiwanese pronunciation vs Chinese pronunciation is that it sounds... "softer" (?)

with his character as a whole just having more slurred, soft words makes sense.

maybe he knows how to say like "hello" and "please" in Gaelic because he was pretty young when Lilia brought him in and he naturally picked up like... two words

also i hc he is tibetan because the wiki page said sleeping beauty is set in the himalayas? so i just ran with it LOL

[strawberryqueen00]

Hell no we are not letting this OFMD finale distract from that THIS LETTER.

Had a signature from Taika Waititi. I understand the sensitivity here this issue with Taika being Jewish(and that’s not my place as someone that’s Not Jewish or in those regions to condemn him on that perspective’s behalf) but this letter is directly bastardizing the situation.

Now, when there is a major production from a major figure in this platform that did this, is when we can make the most impact. Remember our values, even when those values involve a show that is strengthening the LGBTQ community.

Because this letter tore down the strength of the movement in support of Gaza. There are going to be so many people that saw this letter and take it completely uncritically, unchallenged.

Standing up for our values means sacrificing our interests, holding accountable the things we enjoy.

And also. I don’t want to see ANYONE. Being fucking antisemitic or racist towards Taika here. That is never appropriate and absolutely inexcusable behavior. You should he ashamed if you think that’s okay even after Taika’s actions.

[Text of Letter]

October 23, 2023

Dear President Biden, We are heartened by Friday's release of the two American hostages, Judith Ranaan and her daughter Natalie Ranaan and by today's release of two Israelis, Nurit Cooper and

Yocheved Lifshitz, whose husbands remain in captivity. But our relief is tempered by our overwhelming concern that 220 innocent people,

including 30 children, remain captive by terrorists, threatened with torture and death.

They were taken by Hamas in the savage massacre of October 7, where over 1,400

Israelis were slaughtered - women raped, families burned alive, and infants beheaded. Thank you for your unshakable moral conviction, leadership, and support for the Jewish people, who have been terrorized by Hamas since the group's founding over 35 years ago, and for the Palestinians, who have also been terrorized, oppressed, and victimized

by Hamas for the last 17 years that the group has been governing Gaza. We all want the same thing: Freedom for Israelis and Palestinians to live side by side in peace. Freedom from the brutal violence spread by Hamas. And most urgently, in this

moment, freedom for the hostages. We urge everyone to not rest until all hostages are released. No hostage can be left behind. Whether American, Argentinian, Australian, Azerbaijani, Brazilian, British, Canadian, Chilean, Chinese, Danish, Dutch, Eritrean, Filipino, French, German, Indian, Israeli, Italian, Kazakh, Mexican, Panamanian, Paraguayan, Peruvian, Polish, Portuguese, Romanian, Russian, South African, Spanish, Sri Lankan, Thai, Ukrainian,

Uzbekistani or otherwise, we need to bring them home.

Sincerely,

[Text of the names presented. This isn’t all of them, just the copy of this with Taika’s name on it)

Jessica Biel

Jessica Elbaum

Jessica Seinfeld

Jill Littman

Jimmy Carr

Jody Gerson

Joe Hipps

Joe Quinn

Joe Russo

Joe Tippett

Joel Fields

Joey King

John Landgraf

John Slattery

Jon Bernthal

Jon Glickman

Jon Hamm

Jon Harmon Feldman

Jon Liebman

Jon Watts

Jon Weinbach

Jonathan Baruch

Jonathan Groff

Jonathan Marc Sherman

Jonathan Ross

Jonathan Steinberg

Jonathan Tisch

Jonathan Tropper

Jordan Peele

Josh Brolin

Josh Charles

Josh Dallas

Josh Goldstine

Josh Greenstein

Josh Grode

Josh Singer

Judd Apatow

Judge Judy Sheindlin

Julia Fox

Julia Garner

Julia Lester

Julianna Margulies

Julie Greenwald

Julie Rudd

Julie Singer

Juliette Lewis

Jullian Morris

Justin Theroux

Justin Timberlake

KJ Steinberg

Karen Pollock

Karlie Kloss

Katy Perry

Kelley Lynch

Kevin Kane

Kevin Zegers

Kirsten Dunst

Kitao Sakurai

Kristen Schaal

Kristin Chenoweth

Lana Del Rey

Laura Benanti

Laura Dern

Laura Pradelska

Lauren Schuker Blum

Laurence Mark

Laurie David

Lea Michele

Lee Eisenberg

Leo Pearlman

Leslie Siebert

Liev Schreiber

Limor Gott

Lina Esco

Liz Garbus

Lizanne Rosenstein

Lizzie Tisch

Lorraine Schwartz

Lynn Harris

Lyor Cohen

Madonna

Mandana Dayani

Mara Buxbaum

Marc Webb

Marco Perego

Maria Dizzia

Mark Feuerstein

Mark Foster

Mark Scheinberg

Mark Shedletsky

Martin Short

Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Mary McCormack

Mathew Rosengart

Matt Geller

Matt Lucas

Matt Miller

Matthew Bronfman

Matthew Hiltzik

Matthew Weiner

Matti Leshem

Max Mutchnik

Maya Lasry

Meaghan Oppenheimer

Melissa Zukerman

Melissa rudderman

Michael Aloni

Michael Ellenberg

Michael Green

Michael Rapino

Neil Blair

Neil Druckmann

Neil Paris

Nicola Peltz

Nicole Avant

Nina Jacobson

Noa Kirel

Noa Tishby

Noah Oppenheim

Noah Schnapp

Noreena Hertz

Octavia Spencer

Odeya Rush

Olivia Wilde

Oran Zegman

Orlando Bloom

Pasha Kovalev

Pattie LuPone

Patty Jenkins

Paul Haas

Paul Pflug

Paul & Julie Rudd

Peter Baynham

Peter Traugott

Rachel Douglas

Rachel Riley

Rafi Marmor

Ram Bergman

Raphael Margulies

Rebecca Angelo

Rebecca Mall

Regina Spektor

Reinaldo Marcus Green

Rich Statter

Richard Jenkins

Richard Kind

Rick Hoffman

Rick Rosen

Rita Ora

Rob Rinder

Robert Newman

Roger Birnbaum

Roger Green

Rosie O’Donnell

Ross Duffer

Ryan Feldman

Sacha Baron Cohen

Sam Levinson

Sam Trammell

Sara Berman

Sara Foster

Sarah Baker

Sarah Bremner

Sarah Cooper

Sarah Paulson

Sarah Treem

Scott Braun

Scott Braun

Scott Neustadter

Scott Tenley

Sean Combs

Sean Levy

Seth Meyers

Seth Oster

Shannon Watts

Shari Redstone

Sharon Jackson

Sharon Stone

Shauna Perlman

Shawn Levy

Sheila Nevins

Shira Haas

Simon Sebag Montefiore

Simon Tikhman

Skylar Astin

Stacey Snider

Stephen Fry

Steve Agee

Steve Rifkind

Sting & Trudie Styler

Susanna Felleman

Susie Arons

Taika Waititi

Thomas Kail

Tiffany Haddish

Todd Lieberman

Todd Moscowitz

Todd Waldman

Tom Freston

Tom Werner

Tomer Capone

Tracy Ann Oberman

Trudie Styler

Tyler Henry

Tyler James Williams

Tyler Perry

Vanessa Bayer

Veronica Grazer

Veronica Smiley

Whitney Wolfe Herd

Will Ferrell

Will Graham

Yamanieka Saunders

Yariv Milchan

Ynon Kreiz

Zack Snyder

Zoe Saldana

[whatyourusherthinks]

Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare Review

Just a poster for this film chaps! I had no idea such a display would enter the cinema otherwise. But that Guy Richie fellow, he makes quite the romps, doesn't he. I still remember my first introduction to his tomfoolery being the first Sherlock Holmes movie starring Robert Downey Jr. What a cracking time that was! *Brick crashes through my window telling me to stop with the British accent*

What's The Movie About?

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare tells the tale of the recently declassified Operation Postmaster, where a group of agents set out to disrupt a Nazi supply chain to Uboats in '41.

What I Like.

Well, it's a Guy Richie movie, so the style is off the charts. The characters are incredibly charming and the violence is fun, fast, and flowing. The movie is basically Inglorious Basterds, but instead of Americans it's the British and there's nothing about the power of movies saving the day. And there's really nothing else to it. I could go into detail about the characters and the plot, but it's just a string of charming characters killing some of the worst people in history. If that's not enough for you, I dunno what to tell you. I guess I should add I really liked all the historical character that I noticed. Ian Fleming is in the movie. I didn't know what the Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare was about before going in to the movie, so it was a pleasant surprise when the writer of James Bond turned up. There's also a coda at the end that tells you what happens to all the main characters after the movie and I liked that.

What I Didn't Like.

The style and violence is great, but maybe the Nazis went down a little too easily. I mean, they are Nazis. I love watching those goose-stepping bastards get their shit kicked in, but it feels like the main characters are never in any physical danger ever. Even the movie gets that at one point. They set up a fight between the giant Danish guy with an axe versus an entire Nazi squad with machine guns, and it's played like "Yeah yeah, we know how this is gonna go." They don't even bother to show the fight too. That's lame. My final complaint is that Churchill is a big presence in the movie, and the guy playing Churchill does not look ANYTHING like the real one.

Final Summation.

This movie is jolly good fun! *Brick that says 'Seriously, stop!' flies through my already broken window* If you like watching highly competent people doing what they do best, killing Nazis, they you will love this movie. And as a bonus, you might learn a little bit about history!

[tigara666]

Some contribute more than others!

I've always believed that I could express myself freely without fear of persecution. I know now that "free speech" is a lie!

The first time I was confronted by the authorities was back in 2008-09 when an angry man came to my home with the police. He asked questions about equality and whether or not everyone is equal!

I answered and the police seemed to accept my answer but the angry man was not satisfied and screamed: ADMIT THAT EVERYTHING YOU BELIEVE IN IS WRONG! Feeling threatened I pretended to agree and they left. I did not change my beliefs or my behaviour!

This happened again in about 2011. They came during my English class with the police, just as before. They threatened me in front of the class to again pretend to agree that everything I believe in is wrong. I didn't care and once again did not change my beliefs or my behaviour!

The same thing happened again and again at every educational facility and every workplace I've been to. They always say the same:

EVERYONE IS NOT EQUAL!

SOME CONTRIBUTE MORE THAN OTHERS!

MEN CONTRIBUTE MORE THAN WOMEN!

ADMIT THAT EVERYTHING YOU BELIEVE IN IS WRONG!

ADMIT THAT YOU ARE NOTHING!

For years I shrugged my shoulders at this behaviour and I didn't care. I never took it seriously or gave it much thought.

This culminated when I got a job at the Danish agency for data supply and infrastructure where they viciously attacked and persecuted me to such an extent that I will never be the same!

This can no longer be ignored or dismissed as simply people being assholes or bullies. This is how the state attacks people who are seen as not knowing their place!

I'm beyond being hurt. I'm so ashamed to admit that these bastards actually got to me. I will no longer ignore this! I will find ways to fight back! I don't know how yet, but I will find a way!

[entrepy]

first time discovering who the heck he's been giving dating advice for / sam @ kirsten by @bokketo .

There was a small café tucked around the corner from the bus stop that Sam had discovered when he’d moved into his place in DC after his last tour. It was a little off his running route and he’d only come across it because a water hydrant had burst on his usual track and he’d been forced into taking a detour. That had been a good three or four years ago — more, if you count the Blip, but it had the best Danish pastries he’s ever had. He hasn’t been back since running off with Steve. He’d even been to Denmark on those travels, but hadn’t had a chance to try their bakeries, alas. Though he had recommended this little café to Steve when he'd come sniffing around for good breakfast places. And lunch places. And dinner places. It was good to see the guy getting out and about in the world, and Sam has plenty of recommendations to make. 

He decides to pay the café a visit on one free Tuesday morning. As soon as he gets near to it, it becomes evident that he’s not the only one who’s been recommending the place to people. The line coming out from it reaches the bus stop at the front of the street and Sam has half a mind to abort mission. But it’s been a long time since he’d had those Danish pastries, and he isn’t expected by HQ until the afternoon — so he decides to stick out the queue for a little bit of indulgence.

‘ Man, I have never seen a café queue this long, ’ he thinks out loud, speaking to anyone in the queue who didn’t have earphones in or their head buried in a phone.

The woman in front of him turns around and smiles. ‘ You haven’t been to New York, have you ? ’

Sam is pleasantly surprised to have actually attracted someone to talk to in the line. Old fashioned small talk had been on the way out before the Blip, and it had taken a greater hit after. Most people seemed to want to stay to themselves — perhaps that was the difference between the people who experienced the five years, and those who didn’t. 

‘ Not to the pastry shops, no. ’

‘ Oh, you’re here for the pastries ? ’ The woman smiles good naturedly, ‘ I’m here for the chocolate croissants. My date booked us breakfast here last month. I’ve been dying to come back just for the croissants. ’

‘ You gotta try the Danish pastries. Little puffs of berry and custard heaven. ’ Sam shakes his head with a smile, peeking over the woman’s shoulder at the line ahead of them. ‘ Man, I guess the secret got out. This place was never this busy a few years ago. ’

The woman gives a little laugh, agreeing. ‘ A lot can happen in a few years. I really don’t know how Steve came by it. It’s not his usual habitat. ’ 

Sam is mid-laugh, appreciating the sentiment when the name clicks. 

‘ Steve . . . Steve, your date ? Steve-your-date-Rogers ? ’

The woman cocks her head, looking a little confused. Steve was famous, sure, but there was no reason anyone should assume she was talking about the ex-Captain America by name alone. ‘ Maybe ? ’ 

Sam’s expression breaks, a laugh erupting from him so hard he has to grab a hold of the bus stop signage pole to keep his knees from buckling. ‘ Oh my god, you’re — ??? ’ It’s not a particularly funny situation, but laughter is how his body has decided to deal with the shock revelation that Steve has been picking his brain for restaurants and activities in the city because he was taking someone out on dates. Good for Steve, honestly — but what a sneaky, goddamned bastard. 

‘ I’m sorry. Are you free after this ? We need to get coffee with our croissants and pastries. I have so much to ask you. ’ He’s absolutely not going to rat Steve out and confess to Kirsten where Steve’s been getting his brilliant date ideas from . . . but he is absolutely going to get Steve back for not being more truthful about the fact that he was dating. He also needs to know how on earth Steve ( the fumbling idiot Steve who he knows and loves very much ) had managed to get a date out of a woman as poised as the one standing in front of him. ‘ I’m Sam Wilson, ’ he says with a toothy grin, holding out his hand. ' Steve's a good friend of mine. '

[sloanescasebook]

Grimm 99

Sloane: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be!

——

Sloane: (gesturing to Nick) And this beautiful basketball-loving Die Hard fan is tearing down my walls of defenses! If we find out that he is half-Jewish, we are all doomed.

——

Monroe: Rosalee’s just upset because the historically entrenched patriarchy has created a culture of victim-shaming that suppresses any power shift in our masculo-phallic system.

Rosalee: Huh?

Monroe: I couldn't sleep last night so I watched a documentary on Netflix about feminism.

Rosalee: I love you.

——

Wu: Captain, hey! Welcome to the murder.

——

Sloane: Ugh, paperwork duty is so boring. I honestly would rather sit around and listen to you talk about the right way to make paella.

Monroe: There's more than one right way to make paella. There are ten right ways. You've got Valencian, modern Valencian-

Sloane: Wait, stop. I've made a terrible mistake.

—

Nick: Attention, our boss is headed this way. Everyone has to clear the hallway right now.

[The crowd grumbles]

Sloane: Shh!

[The crowd is silent]

Wu: [whispering] Wow, she is great at shushing.

Nick: (lovingly and a little turned on) I know, she's like a librarian.

Hank: You mean, like a sexy librarian? Or a Grimm one?

Nick: (still turned on) No, a regular one.

——

Nick: I was hoping that my best man duties would be all whisky and cigars, but this is Monroe we're talking about so we've got two straight days of wedding planning, plus he gave me this binder to prep titled "Fancy Brudgom". It means fancy groom in Danish. According to Monroe, the Danes throw the most beautiful weddings in the world. And the most violent funerals.

——

Nick: Insult me all you want, for I have only this to say-

Both: Victory shall be mine!

Sloane: I heard you practicing in the shower. You can't surprise me. Letting me into your life was the worst mistake you ever made.

Nick: Cool, fun take on our relationship.

——

Monroe: All right, someone's gotta go out there and kill that feathery bastard. Sloane, you're always looking for an excuse to behead something.

——

Hank: It feels like you're being a little harsh.

Renard: Thanks, good note. I was going for extremely harsh. I'll turn it up.

——

Captain Renard: An auditor will arrive shortly. He'll evaluate us on crime stats, physical plant, fiscal responsibility. There are 22 other precincts in Portland, so we just don't want to rate at the bottom.

Sloane: Are they gonna be looking in our desks? Also, unrelated someone left a bunch of swords in my desk.

——

Hey guys, working on the next chapter but thought of that first one. Thought it was funny so found a few more. Realized Sloane is kind of a strange combo of Jake and Rosa.

[birinboom]

🍉🎉🌻☕🍜😈😇

Thank you so much for asking!

🍉 fruit: watermelon. I cannot get enough of it

🎉 holiday: I'm a Christmas girl. To me it's a bright spot in a very long and dreary winter. I'm Danish, so hygge is very close to me and Christmas really incorporates a lot of that. Or maybe more like Yule. I'm a Yule girl.

🌻flower: I hate this question. 'Cause I CAN NEVER PICK JUST ONE! I love hydrangea, sunflowers, cherry blossoms, clematis, morning glory, water lilies, plumeria, purple clover, and jasmine. I love ALL of them.

☕hot drink: I can't pick between coffee and herbal tea, they're both so good.

🍜 dish: Can't go wrong with pizza. But I've started to really enjoy soup too. And baked goods. Yum

😈meow meow: so I'm gonna be honest. I don't know what the difference is between meow meow and blorbo (I had hoped you'd tell me when I asked you the same question).

Uhh... Aventurine from Honkai: Star Rail. He's equal parts magnificent bastard and soggy-wet kitten. I want to wipe the smirk off his face. And then kiss him.

😇blorbo: And this is where I toss ALLLL the rest of them. The whole menagerie.

Kyoujurou. Kirishima. Cyno. Jing Yuan. Axel.

Emoji ask game

[hakasims]

Shitty Luca Movie Recap, Episode 6

Ok, so I’m not sure how many of you will even be interested in this post because this movie is obscure and not a lot of people have seen it, but here goes nothing. Today’s episode of SLMR is about

The Old Guard

Guys, where do I even start with this one? First of all, it’s based on a comic book... that claims it isn’t a superhero story. Who does that? And yet it’s about this group of people who are immortal. See, they pretend it’s not a superhero comic but these guys literally never die and can heal any wound. Show me a character who can heal but isn’t a superhero. You literally can’t because they don’t exist.

What’s extra weird about The Old Guard is that it has, like, faces you might recognize. Besides Luca’s, of course. Though that dude who looked like Putin in The Danish Girl I actually didn’t recognize because he doesn’t look like Putin in this movie. The Hot Jafar from the Aladdin remake also looks different here. Still hot, though.

I didn’t bother with the character names for this one because they’re mostly pretty generic, so I picked very accurate nicknames for everybody:

Sadgirl

Mood

Cinnamon Roll

Luca

Luca’s Hot Husband (Hot Hubby for short)

COPley (I know he’s a spy not a cop but I don’t care and also sorry his name isn’t James Spyder or whatever it’s called subtlety look it up)

Drugley (’cause he’s Dudley but also a pharma dude, get it?)

Manmeat

Dr. Evil

So what’s the story? Well, these immortals are all warriors from different time periods. You can tell because they use old-school weapons: Sadgirl has her lesbian axe, and The Hubbies are sword bros. In more ways than one if you know what I’m saying ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Oh, and Mood is from the time period after gunpowder was invented, so he just uses modern firearms. They all use modern firearms, but those three are also gays, so blades, drama, aesthetics - you get it. And they use their weapons and superpowers to fight the good fight. What is the good fight? Whatever they decide it is.

Sadgirl is sad because she thinks they’re wasting their efforts, and also her wifey was drowned by the Inquisition. (Whatever, it’s not like that plot point is coming back.) Sadgirl is so sad she even loses her immortality at some point, but by the end of the movie she starts to believe again! And while she’s having her character arc, Mood is just being mood:

Another plotline is about Cinnamon Roll learning she’s immortal after getting killed and coming back to life. The immortals can all see each other in a dream, which is convenient because it allows Sadgirl to go fetch Cinnamon Roll and add her to the team.

Meanwhile, Drugley learns about The Squad’s immortality from COPley, who’s like a history buff and a fanboy, apparently, and orders him and his boyfriend Manmeat to get him The Squad because he wants Dr. Evil to extract immortality from them so he could sell it or whatever.

None of that is important. What’s important is Luca and his Hot Hubby. They’re so cute, you guys. Like, disgustingly cute. They spoon:

They touch:

They kiss:

They kill homophobes together:

They headbutt:

They have this annoying eye contact:

Their only role in the movie is to be #RelationshipGoals and get kidnapped by Drugley’s Manmeat while Sadgirl and Cinnamon Roll are out. Mood is left behind though because Manmeat’s people decide he’ll be too much of a bummer on the way back. Poor bastards, they didn’t know he would have been the least of their problems.

So anyway, The Hubbies kill everyone in the van, give COPley a stinkeye and finally get to meet Drugley, who decides to show off his sick Shakespeare knowledge unaware that soliloquies are Hot Hubby’s thing:

This hurts Drugley’s feelings, so he orders Dr. Evil to torture The Hubbies, which she does. But that’s okay, you might think, the rest of The Squad are gonna burst in and save them, right? Think again.

Did I mention Mood was the one who ratted them out to COPley? It’s true. And he confesses, what a sucker! He’s now in deep shit.

Don’t worry about Mood, though. He’s saved by the plot.

Seriously, how did they survive before without Cinnamon Roll? Oh, right, they can’t die. Though clearly not for the lack of trying. Thankfully, she’s here to save everybody.

Cinnamon Roll? More like What Would You Do Without Me-nnamon Roll. Nailed it.

So she strolls into Drugley’s lair, stirs some shit, gets everyone out, and Kite’s Drugley off this plane of existence. She’s now officially part of The Squad, but here’s a problem: because The Squad has consisted of four people for so long, all their safehouses only have three beds (The Hubbies share one, obviously), and also, like, five people with all that bulky weapon in the same sedan... so uncomfortable. Ask any sword lover, it’s like a whole thing. Long story short, they kick Mood out. He was too much of a bummer anyway and also yeah, he’s a traitor. Hot Hubby will never stop judging:

So that’s The Old Guard. Do I recommend it? I don’t know, guys, I guess? It’s definitely not as bad as the other movies I’ve reviewed, though it should have been a lot gayer. That’s my main complaint. But sure, check it out if you have two hours to kill.

And let me know which movie I should do next!

[nevermindirah]

Matthias Schoenaerts movies, ranked by my transmasc feels

a very scientific analysis you’re contractually obligated to agree with read and maybe reblog if you feel like it! proud to be joining the ranks of these excellent Matthias movie posts, hair edition and vibes/plot/nudity/etc edition

first of all, dishonorable mention / disqualified: all the ones where he plays a Nazi or a rapist or otherwise dealbreaker-to-me levels of creep:

A Hidden Life

Red Sparrow

Suite Française — though if you don't have the immediate ABSOLUTELY NOT reaction to a Nazi uniform that I do, I hear it's a beautiful movie, and you may enjoy this lovely little post-movie fic by @mprosperossprite​​

The Loft

The Drop

Blood Ties

Loft

Left Bank (though that one gifset, you know the one, is so valid)

and now, with one exception, all the ones I’ve seen:

The Danish Girl

I have never seen and will never see this movie. a trans woman is played by a cis man and Matthias doesn't even have a beard so the stills from it aren't even fun to look at what the fuck

Racer and the Jailbird | Le Fidèle

a tragic absence of beard and a tragic fear of dogs and tragically heterosexual fashion, but very romantic and sexy and has what I choose to read as a happy ending. something/10 will watch again despite the Heterosexuality of it all

Rust and Bone | De rouille et d'os

wow this guy's a terrible father with major entitlement issues. however, ARMS. (it's totally just the arms yep just the arms)

Close Enemies | Frères ennemis

he loves his friends!! what a smart and resourceful boy just trying to survive in a fucked-up world!! but he kisses his ex-wife despite her repeated verbal "no" and as a result we do not stan.

Our Souls at Night

dude, let your mom have a boyfriend!! it's sweet that you're worried though, maybe you can ask her how it's going while y'all go shopping and she helps you pick out something nicer than those dorky polos you beautiful sad-dad idiot. (in his defense, his mom's boyfriend is known Bucky Barnes terrorizer Alexander Pierce so his concern is understandable)

The Mustang

prisons are trauma factories and should not exist. I could go look for sources to link you on this or on how animal therapy reduces future incidents of violent crime, but instead I’m gonna sit here and stew in my feels over this sad dad who's such a mess but he sure is Trying

Brothers by Blood

lorge. wears a kippah in that one scene. so gentle with the person he's dating. cares about his friends (I think, I watched it once a year ago and barely remember the plot, only vibes remain). lorge.

The Command | Kursk

HEARTBREAKING. WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF COMMUNISM IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO THE WORKERS YOU BASTARDS. oh and before all the heartbreak there's some very domestic sexiness on a couch, that part was a joy, who am I kidding the whole thing was a joy and I am in pain about it

The Laundromat

NO I WILL NOT LEAVE MY WIFE NOT EVEN FOR A BILLION DOLLARS. ALSO LOOK AT MY SUIT DON'T I LOOK SHARP IN THIS SUIT

Tunnelrat

it's hard to have social dysphoria when you're trapped in a collapsed trench tunnel with only one other person who doesn’t even speak your language! downsides include dehydration, starvation, potential asphyxiation, knowing if you escape all the mud you'll probably get shot, and— wait no actually I like the mustache that's not a downside the mustache can stay

ps this is a short and you can watch the whole thing right here

A Bigger Splash

why will tumblr not let me locate let alone embed that gif of him on his knees for Tilda Swinton WHY. I suppose this one will have to do

Far from the Madding Crowd

hey look, look, rugged masculinity can be SOFT!! he loves his dog and all the animals under his care and he proposes marriage with a lamb. if only this book weren't written by a misogynist then Bathsheba could be free and happy and probably a lesbian like she deserves but at least I get to look at SOFT MASCULINITY WITH A DOG

A Little Chaos

oh the joys of a time and place where ornate fashion and long hair are a normal and celebrated part of masculinity. God I wish my jawline looked like that so I wouldn't get misgendered 100% of the time if I grew my hair out.

oh and also the little thing of treating a woman as an intellectual equal and changing your opinion and your behavior as a result of new information I am SCREAMING

Disorder | Maryland

I, too, have ptsd. however I also have the experience of being afab and knowing how scary it is when men stare too long and randomly punch things. so, like, dude. Vincent. please get therapy. in the meantime I'm gonna keep staring at you and reminding myself of how femme of center people might be understandably wary of me sometimes and I need to not do accidentally scary shit like walking too close on the sidewalk, it's cool I only worry about this a normal amount

The Old Guard

I'll just go ahead and point you here and here

And the winner is...

Bullhead | Rundskop

this guy's got major boundary issues, hmm wonder where that comes from, could it have anything to do with his parents thinking it was ok to stop him from accessing hrt he desperately needed wtf

content warning, esp for fellow trans people thinking about watching this movie: there's literally a scene where, shortly after young Jacky experiences testicular trauma (that scene isn't the very most graphic physically but is extremely graphic emotionally), a doctor tells his parents that he needs to take testosterone and their reaction is basically "no child of mine!!" >:(

it's a great movie though and my asks are open for any questions you've got! just say so if you want a private response <3

[sbeep]

Please do tell us about the formation of ""England"" as we know it!

The baseline fact about the islands of Britain and Ireland is that the original indigenous people were Celtic and existed in the same cultural groups long before Alfred (the Great) dreamed of a united "England". We're separated from the UK's indigenous past by more than 1500yrs but its still evident today.

Britons, or Brittonic peoples, shared similar languages. They were the people with druids. Arthur and Camelot, thousands of different tribes and kingdoms, the giant Stonehenge and countless other henges and barrows. They diverged later. After the Romans left us alone and abandoned the territory, the cultural spread looked something like this:

(wikipedia entry on Celtic Britons, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celtic_Britons)

The Saxons were a Germanic group, originally pagan and later Christian. from around 400-1000 AD this period of Christian expansion and Anglo-Saxon Britain was previously known as the Dark Ages. We know now it wasn't a cultural wasteland at all- Anglo-Saxon art was poppin- but it did involve the native Britons being cornered. This is when regions like Wales, Devon and Cornwall (collectively known as Kernow) formed. The Manx people remained on the Isle of Man. Some even migrated out to the European continent to Brittany, the coastal region of modern France.

The Anglo-Saxons divided into their own kingdoms. If you've played Assassin's Creed: Valhalla, this is that period. The majority of Britain (the island) was divided into kingdoms that eventually boiled down to 4 great powers. Mercia was the largest (my home region, where the pockets of forest are still The Forest of Merica) and bordered the region they called Wales, where Britons still held out.

Northumbria and East Anglia were under constant assault from "Danes", the collective name for all Viking raiders. Portions of these kingdoms at one point were entirely consigned over to the Vikings and named "Danelaw". The land of Danish law.

And in the southern kingdom of Wessex, around 878 AD, shit was getting a bit dire. Danes were on all sides. Alfred, by all accounts a sickly human with a strong tactical mind, made alliances and eventually defeated the 'Great Heathen Army'. Alfred's subsequent victories and his son ,Edward, and daughter ,Aethelflaed, managed to definitively end the Viking threats to Britain. Through extremely happy coincidence and vast ambition for Edward and his sons, the Vikings had left Britain and ruin and it was an opportune moment to sweep up all the kingdoms for their own. They filled the power vacuum with the first true royal house of England (anglo-saxon land), the House of Wessex.

Jokes on them though because in 1066, a Norman (viking descendant) named William the Bastard sailed over and conquered the whole thing all over again. This was the last great invasion of England, and subsequent monarchs conquered the fierce Britons of Wales, built castles to subjugate them, and eventually we strangled the life out of the Scots and Irish too.

So to sum up, """England""" is an amalgamated mess of empty power vacuums, canny political alliances and only pausing the beating on your neighbours long enough to beat on the foreigners. We shouldn't really be here at all but for the long series of invasions that forced us to coalesce into a single power.

If you want some further fictional rep of this time period: Assassins Creed: Valhalla (ubisoft) The Last Kingdom series (bbc/netflix) The latter half of Vikings series (history channel)

[aaalllice]

a vacation to become more? (pt.1) - Alex Høgh Andersen

This is my first time i’m doing this so it may not be good 

(oh and english is not my first language, do not hesitate to tell me my fault)

 Warning : sex mentions (soft), friendly Alex but a little bastard

pt.2    pt.3  pt.4

good reading

 gif : @therealcalicali

~~~

Today was my first day of vacation but also and especially the day i take the plane to Danemark, to see my long-time friend Alex !

It’s been a long time since i’ve seen him.

For my holidays i wanted to leave, get out of my country, discover new things, so when he sent me a message for my birthday, i even since couldn’t stop thinking about Denmark. 

When i asked him if i can come, he jumped around.

My sister will come later, i told him, and that i really didn’t want to bother and that i’d take a hotel for her and me.                                                                                i didn’t want to disturb him but he insisted that i come to his house, then i’ve accepted.

She planned the whole road trip, but I didn't know I would be going alone a week earlier , so i were a little stressed, i didn’t speak Danish and i don’t set up enough for this trip but it’s too late.

On the plane i stressed out even more, what if i don’t find my way out, and if they don’t let me out of the airport, for whatever reason.

It’s okay, the landing was good, i was in a coffee shop to decompress before leaving the airport, i looked at my phone, it was still in airplane mode, once in 5G, i saw that i have several messages.

Sister: Did you leave? Can’t wait to join you!!! Call me when you get there I can’t find the salt where is it !?

i looked up, then answered  even if i don't know where i put the damn salt.

Alex also sent me messages and tried to call me.

Alex: If you want I’ll come get you so you don’t get lost and? Are you there? allo? ok you must be on the plane call me when you get there ok... I'll come

I feel stupid for not unlocking my phone earlier,   maybe he’s gone ?

i ran out to the only exit of the airport, in the distance i saw someone who looked like Alex. The boy had all the characteristics of Alex at least in my memory. Tall, wide shoulders, simply outfit but  class. i wasn’t close enough to see if he had blue eyes or even a mischievous smile.

Okay, i had 70% or 80% chance that it was him, gather all my courage i bypassed him while keeping my distance, to get back to him.                                I wanted to scare him, I came close, an inch away from him

And there, i do not know if it is the fault of the fatigue of my work added to the long flight or the excitement of the holidays and to see my friend again but i grab him by his arms and i screamed “DADDYYY!!!”

Alex was startled and some people turned around, i immediately regret my actions ,he laughed and he lifted me , i feel yourself flying maybe because it was comfortable or because he lift me off the ground. He put me down and greeted me , after 2 minutes of ordinary conversation (how it goes, good flight, your hair is growing, work…) we went out to get to his car , it was a pretty nice car I have to admit, we put my luggage in the trunk and he started the car. We talk about the landscape, the weather and nothing in particular. After 5 minutes of silence, it was not awkward but relaxing. The volume of the music was low, which adds to this quiet atmosphere.                                                                                                A red light, he slows down , the music on the radio had changed, it was more sensual (as if by chance)(Doja Cat style).                                              I quickly turn to him, he looks out the window, I decide to change the music, the car continues, he took my hand quickly and he took it off the radio. Alex put my hand with his on my thigh and look at me, he brings his head closer to mine, and says

“daddyyy” likes this song

He puts his hand back on the wheel with a smirk on his face, i turn to my window with a bright red face.

Some time later he parks in front of a  two-story house, even if it was summer it started to rain slightly. I turned around he had already taken my luggage, and He gently kicked my leg so I would start moving, I opened the door because he had his hands full. His house was charming but I think his mother must often pass by, in my memory Alex was not as manic, or even had passion for little objects and useless decoration . Anyway, while I was admiring his living room, he was already upstairs, and he called me "get your ass out of the living room." I joined him he had put my business in the corner of the room. The room was small with a low ceiling and  a window that looked onto the street,  in the back against the wall there was a "bed", which was really just big mattresses stalked one on the other.

I laughed, he looked at me and started laughing,

 (Alex) If you want to sleep in my room I’ll sleep on the sofa

(y/n) No, don’t worry, it looks comfortable

(Alex) My bed is much more; says with a perverse smile on his face

I hit him in the arm falsely piss off

(y/n) arrghh, s'il te plait arrête, cette chambre est parfaite

(Alex) as you want,... if you want my room you can have it and its owner with;  said he with the same perverse smile

(y/n) that’s the condition if I want to sleep in your bed ?

(Alex) yeah

he starts to tickle me, I have kept myself at the door frame not to fall so much I laugh

in a split second he carries me and by reflex (like a bitch why I do that?) I wrapped my legs around his waist and I’m almost sure to feel something hard, and before I realized what was going on he landed me in bed, and kissed me on the forehead and left, he turns around in the doorway and says

(Alex) rest you the flight a was long, you will need to be in shape

he winked at me followed by a smile full of implied and left to close the door lightly

How can I rest after this?

~~~~~~~~

To be continued

Song inspiration : Doja cat : Women ; Kiss me more                                                                           Clairo : Sofia

Aesthetic : just alex and you

I hope it was a good start, it was the first time I wrote a fanfic

not hesitate to tell me my faults , inconsistencies, in short everything good or bad.

I was a little inspired by @teeninpanic​

Tell me if you want more 

[peakywitch]

Solskin - Ivar

Danish word for sunshine

When you're lonely, in your 20s and you like writing fanfics, you can't stop your imagination.

Ok, so, I came up with a serie of small, almost unrelated (but related af at the same time), stories that i fantasize about a lot. More than I can admit. And more importantly:

FREE OF SPOILERS

Ok, few things you need to know before reading the stories: (yes, stories, it'll be like the adventurous adventures of y/n and ivar)

I fucked up the whole original series

Ivar is not boneless

No, I don't care about the fact that I change cannon stuff

.... I wrote this without Aslaug because I'm lazy, and the whole "too much mommy love" was not important

She died when Ivar was a baby, so Lagertha stayed and is everyone's mom

Just because i like it

Also, ragnar is present and is a little bastard, he likes gossip and laughs at whatever his sons are going through, such a great dad

I will eventually write about cannon ivar but idgaf i love a good bad-guy-with-a-soft-spot-for-only-you vibe, and although it fits perfect with cannon ivar, i like it this way

Y/n also fucks hvitserk

You better bet jealousy, jealousy and pure gold are a part of this

So, without further ado i present my idea

✨ SOLSKIN✨

Y/N is the nanny of the town. Lots of widows have been leaving their children to her care, since they now have to work alone fore everything, given their husbands' death in raids. She is also the youngest daughter of a farmer, and no one knows where her brother is.

A near village gets attacked, and y/n knows she has to learn how to fight if she wants to protect the children she takes care of. So, one morning she goes to Ragnar, asking him for help. Lagertha is there with him, she just got back from scolding Ivar because he was screaming with Sigurd and broke his arm in the fight.

So, as a way of detention and teaching Ivar patience, Lagertha suggests the youngest son of Ragnar should teach her. But fun thing is: Ivar knows where y/n's brother is, and he knows perfectly fine with who he is.

With this, endless training days start, and so, Ivar learns that the sister of his ex best friend isn't as bad as he thought.

It's just small fics, if someone is interested lmk ☁️🌞