#Yes it’s scary but it’s also Normal. And scary. That’s why women need support both ways

[mommyhorror]

Hmmmm maybe radblr isn’t a great spot to be for my mental health in case I’m actually ********……..

[cuckoo-on-a-string]

Ace folks are queer. Die mad.

There are still apparently folks (some with genuinely good intentions, some just looking to outrage farm) who don't get why asexual/aromantic folk belong in queer spaces.

I'm ace. So if you keep saying "Someone explain it to me!" here's your explanation, right from the source:

The queer community (at least in my part of the world, yours may be different) is for anyone who doesn't fit into 'standard' cis/hetero norms. Ace people are not attracted to the people we're 'supposed' to be. This often leads to very different values and lived experiences from cultural 'norms.'

It's a different experience than many other LGBTQ+ people have, yes. And it's easier to hide in straight spaces. But it's also easier to hide in straight spaces as a bisexual, cis woman than as a trans woman, or a lesbian woman, or any number of other things. Our camouflage options don't define us, just as they don't define you. You do not become a bush when you put on a ghillie suit. Is my experience different from yours? Probably. BOTH of our experiences may be different from a cis gay man's. That doesn't mean his experiences are invalid, unworthy of support, or not in need of protection.

Exclusionist takes stem from the same attitudes conservatives have about women's clothes. I'm not kidding (and I grew up in that space so @ me at your peril). If a conservative person lived in the 1920's, women shouldn't wear pants. Hardline view right there. But in the 70's and 80's jeans and trousers had become so normalized only the MOST conservative groups had any kind of opinion on them, and nowadays skirt-only groups are even rarer.

Exposure and experience made those garments cultural standards instead of something scary and new.

The same thing happens in all spaces, including queer culture.

Ace/aro folks aren't new to the planet, but we've only gotten any significant attention relatively recently. Because people may have to stop and consider out experiences instead of nodding along and going, "Yes, I know what gay generally means," the natural instinct is to push it away.

Challenge that instinct.

We're a community, not a clone factory. We're supposed to be celebrating diversity this month, not playing Mean Girls and defining our moral superiority by who we exclude.

[chubby-teddybear]

Rules were meant to be broken… trailer

Pairing: Ivar the Boneless x reader

Summary :  While on the hunt for gold and blood he finds something more rare than any Jewel

Warning: mention of sexual assault, normal Viking behavior (ivar the boneless as a whole)

-_-_-_ -_-_-_ -_-_-_ -_-_-_ -_-_-_ -_-_-_ -_-_-_

Y/n’s point of view

It’s always the same thing. every. single. day. I have sat on this bed thinking the same things wishing for the same things. my mother, to leave, to have a different father, and to no longer be a princess…

Wessex, the place I call home even though it hasn’t been my home for quite sometime. At least not since mother got murdered by a man that I’d soon learn was a pagan. After mother died father turned cold but it only got worse as the men from afar started attacking us or rather the churches and if we’re being honest I also became cold in away. But how was I not to? father told me who I were to marry, a man that was twice my age the day mother passed. He couldn’t wait? He couldn’t find a younger suitor? He couldn’t ask for your approval? Ha who am I kidding a man let alone a king caring about what a women has to say what a jo-

“ your-r grace?” Came from behind your now open door, it was one of the many maids that flowed though this castle. I wanted to be annoyed that she came in without knocking… but at this point I was so tired of this place that I no longer felt the need to correct her or anyone else for that matter.

“ yes?” I ask without taking my eye off what I was currently looking at. “ the king says y-you have be-en up here to l-long… ma’am” she almost … whimpered? Am I truly that scary to be around? I begin to let my mind wander with ideas of to why I scare her so.

“ Do I scare you?” As I turn towards her I ask a little to loudly but try to correct it by offering a smile. This clearly shocks this poor woman. Has no one smiled at her before? As I look at her I was a waiting a response weak and scared but was meet with a rather confident one.

“No ma’am, but I did just began to serve you and the king just merrily yesterday and I need this to support my child your grace, so the last thing I want to to is offend you my grace .” She says while making eye contact and to be quit Frank it was nice to see another’s eyes. And though I hate to agree with the rat bastard I call my father I have been locked away up here for sometime. I take a dramatically deep breath and with a look the screams tiredness “ Too long he says?” And I am meet with not a verbal answer but rather a simple nod. I push my self off the bed I currently was sitting on and walk towards the maid, I didn’t realize just how small she was. She looked almost like a child. “ your name?” I ask and I almost laughed at the sight, this women looking up at me with her neck cranked so far it looked uncomfortable. “ Annie, ma’am” I quite liked her name it fit her now as I look at her, she was small in both height and weight, green eyes and brown hair she was in fact a beautiful girl.

“ Well Annie I think we shall go on a walk”. I didn’t bother waiting for a response and continued on down the mountain of stairs that lies ahead of me.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“What’s wrong cripple don’t feel like eating?” Laughed Sigurd as he looked at his younger brother Ivar who seemed to be uncharacteristically quiet. Hearing this Hushed those around the two brothers, which included ivar, Sigurd, Ubbe, and lastly Hvitserk

“Enough” said Ubbe in that of a weary and warning tone out of fear for his brothers rage and how easy it can become deadly.

“ you know Sigurd you words might just angry me any other day but not today my brother”. Ivar spoke in a almost dream likeness

“ And why is that?” Sigurd asked in a tone that clearly showed he was aggravated that he did not get the response he was looking for.

“ The boats shall be ready for the raids by morning” Ivar spoke now earning the eyes of all the brothers and as for Ivar while he spoke a maniacal grin began to spread across his face from ear to ear as he thoughts of those he will come to destroy… The Christians.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

We were in the thick part of the woods now close to the place my mother once showed me, a river with the clearest water I have ever seen it was amazing. I felt close to my mother when I’d come here it was both a curse and a blessing, I missed her greatly and wanted to think about her but the more I did the anger I got. Why was no one there to help her? Where were her guards? Question like that plagued me for sometime after her death.

“Ma’am? We are going quite far are we not?” Asked Annie she wasn’t asking to see if I wanted to turn back and go back to the castle for my safety. No she asked out of fear for herself, since the men that we have grown to call heathens first attack our lands, everyone in the surrounding kingdoms have begun to become weary of leaving without an ample amount of protection, I don’t blame them for it because I to am scared of those men, but those men have taken enough from me, they took my mother, and now they are trying to take away the only place I can truly breath?…

Sorry it’s short! Should I make this series?

[leonscape]

on what i observed, based on your typing skills. i think you're right, our typings do KINDA looked similar and and the fact that were both leon stans, which is a coincidence 🤨. (were also yappers through online but not irl?)

looks like leon questioned your sexuality, it's like you're saying leon is an exception for you to think about THOSE kinds of thoughts 🫣. (a certain someone).

and yes i liked the idea of seeing romantic AND sexual relationships MOSTLY through fictional and my fantasies/fake scenarios (other's fantasies too sometimes) but sometimes irl too, as long as im NOT involved in any of those engagements because it feels wrong for me to be included somehow, which is why i think of THOSE kinds of thoughts in 3RD person.

okay i was in confusion of my sexuality right before that...i lost my straightness in 2021 because of some girl online with her angelic singing voice 😭, which is a weird reason- now my sexuality has been questioned...but then maybe i was heteroflexible...but no since it's an offensive term, but then moved to unlabeled since im not sure about my sexuality just yet, also...those women online...both fictional and irl? DANG I FEEL SO ATTRACTED TO THEM THEY ARE SO FINE- yeah i do considered that im not straight anymore since i like both men and women now but THAT doesn't mean im bisexual 👀. now ive slowly discovered the ACE spectrum...i was ONLY aegosexual at first...since it suits my feelings more...but also im not into receiving romance irl, so this adds me being aego aroace (in closet because my sexuality can be confusing to people outside LGBTQ+) , and so yeah this sexuality suits my feeling now and im proud of it, but im a bit conversative irl tho (but i do support tbh).

about me liking BOTH leon AND chevalier, yeah good point...im questioning myself here and looking very shady hahaha 😅, it looks ill be getting a 50/50 treatment here, now im confused on myself, i mean ITS THEIR LOOKS EINEKDMEK- but my reaction of their personalities to these two are different... (and im half colorblind, despite disliking gilbert, idek how do i actually feel about him. tbh, hes just...odd yet a bit scary, also he's a literal red flag and i wouldn't clearly date SOMEONE like HIM).

yeah i went back and forth into liking him or not- also one of the suitors i wouldn't date someone like him irl. his hair cut needs a little trimming and that's it. other than that, he's hot and handsome asf 😏 (i can tolerate his personality).

i like leon's hair too, it clearly suits him and his personality, which it makes sense to me- (he's just so silly 🤭).

i know you can bake, SO LET ME GOBBLE YOUR DESSERTS EJXNEMDK (literally releasing my inner jin- but were far away so i can't 🥲).

YOU CAN BOTH COOK AND BAKE?!? OEDMEKDKEKDN YOU'RE THE STANDARD EKDNEKDKE- like naw im like licht and i may have burn the kitchen when doing that 🥹.

we kinda match since again im a foodie didjekde, i would be eating your food anytime now 😭🫶🏼.

i hate my mind sometimes because it made me kept yapping unnecessary things and let them out through typing 😔.

anyways love you pookie 😘❤️ (platonically).

i don’t understand bi/pan orientations. i struggle to comprehend any attraction. maybe i am also like you but i’m not sure. i know im straight because i am only interested in male partners because i think one day starting a family would be nice. but most of the time i don’t see myself in any relationship because i struggle to find anyone attractive. it’s funny how i found out because i was talking with a friend and she was talking about her crushes. i’ve never had a crush before so i thought i might like girls but no i just don’t like anyone. i realized it was normal to have those types of feelings and gossip about them. but i never had them. so i did what any child in this century would and i googled it. i took a bunch of am i gay quizzes and one of the quizzes actually suggested that i was ace so that’s how i was introduced to the ace community.

if there is a label for what i feel then sure but im ok with just saying im ace. but when it comes to leon i just like the way he makes me feel. i rarely think about him in a sexual way (only when my body says it’s time to ovulate). his looks don’t really register because when i imagine him, he’s a feeling. well that’s how i imagine all my characters, they’re all feelings. but anyways yeah i just like the feeling he gives off.

i like leon’s hair too don’t get me wrong. i want to run my fingers through his hair and pet his mullet 😹

i cook for my family because they’re always so busy so that’s why i can make meals and such. but i think i just like baking better so i am more enthusiastic to share what i bake. i also like talking with the yves blog haha.

it’s okay to yap this is how conversations are supposed to be 😸👍

[couplesinstitutecounseling]

How Couples Therapy Supports Individual Growth

The choice to begin couples therapy is often a major turning point in a relationship. And if individuals are really, truly honest with themselves, there may be a hidden motive that goes something like this: “Well finally, my partner is going to get some help for xyz.”

Coming to therapy in order to address your partner’s issues or faults might backfire, and here’s why. Couples therapy requires individual work, and that’s not a bad thing. While often it is the case that the thing that most irritates us about our partner is what gets us into therapy, the real surprise is often the self-learning that takes place. After all, relationships are a sacred mirror reflecting back parts of ourselves.

As the process of therapy unfolds, you may be invited to look at your own role in your relationship dynamic, or explore how your own family of origin shows up presently in how you relate. This is all part of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. In other words, relationships parallel early childhood development and go through distinct and identifiable phases. Most times couples seek therapy during the differentiation phase, when they are actively working through their differences as a couple. The developmental “task” of this phase is to increase acceptance of differences, and learn to embrace those differences.

When individuals differentiate, a variety of things may occur. They learn to soothe their own upsets and nervous systems. They learn to voice their own needs and desires, even if there is risk of conflict. They may also begin to show up more for themselves. Enter individual work/therapy. This is an excellent time in the relationship to do individual therapy to look at your own part of the differentiation dance, and come back to yourself and your needs, thoughts, desires, as well as to integrate what comes up during the couples sessions.

For example, partners may feel like they’ve been blending so much that they’ve lost touch with old friends, former hobbies, or other parts of their lives and may begin to take time for these things again. Or perhaps you assured your partner during your “honeymoon” or symbiosis phase that yes, you love that hobby too, but you actually don’t so this has created a point of tension between you. Successful differentiation is creating space for your partner to come back to that hobby, while you explore something of your own that brings you joy. Often times couples are vying to keep that “togetherness” felt early on in the relationship, when really what might be needed is more individual time and individual work. This can be scary and feel like the relationship is coming unglued, but it is a normal part of the differentiation process and the overall development of a healthy relationship.

Another example and theme I’ve seen during this phase is taking up men’s or women’s groups. Many couples make their partnership their end all be all, which can put undue stress on relationships. Building community with peers is one way to increase differentiation. Men need the support of other men, and women need the support of other women. It’s okay to build those supports into your relationship through attending women’s or men’s groups or events that foster personal development and individual growth. The fruits of attending such events are increased confidence in knowing that you can be supported by people outside your partnership.

In closing, while the intention of seeking couples therapy may sometimes be to change your partner, you may be pleasantly surprised by the changes and transformations that occur within you. In the words of Carl Jung, “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”

If you need help as an individual or with couples therapy request a free consultation with one of our therapists here.

[haechanokeh]

[teaser] [ Chapter 1 ] [ Chapter 2 ] [ Chapter 3 ] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9]

pairing: popular college! mark x average! reader

genre: romance, smut, angst, series.

warning (general): corruption, oral sex (both receiving and giving), cream pie, rough sex, mention of religion, rough sex, self-esteem, public sex, sub! reader, sex toys. possessive mark two-faced mark, psychology

you cried your eyes out, face shoved in your pillow and muffling your sobs. you didn't who told you those words, it was mark but he's not the same guy you fell in love with and the guy you said yes with today. your phone was ringing nonstop so you have to turn it off but mark was too eager so he's now in front of your house banging and shouting your name begging you to open the door and talk to him.

what he told you was possible, that they didn't care for you and you have to admit that it stings but his words are not responsible for your vulnerability right now, it was the unknown mark. you didn't like him just because he's kind, it was just one out of the nth god knows the reason why you love him. he made you so special, he was right that he's the only person who cared about you in your class but the unfamiliar mark you saw a couple of hours ago was scary. it gave you goosebumps, you were frightened it's as if anytime he will hurt you.

you heard a hard stomp inside your room and you quickly sat up and surprisingly it was mark inside your room who entered the room through your open window.

"fuck, y/n." he ran into you and pulled you up into his arms. "I'm so sorry, this will never happen again." he whispered and caressed your hair. "i will not let lucas and my friends break us, shhh i am truly sorry. you only need me, so don't worry."

your body froze in shock and your heart beating so fast. he's not sorry.

"what..." you whispered in disbelief, you can't understand why he can't understand that he's wrong as well.

"we're okay now right? let's just forget everything, y/n... hmmm?" he looked at your face and looked into your eyes but he saw nothing but unpleasant. he felt rage rushing in his whole system. "what do you want! i already apologize!" he squeezed your jaw.

you were shaking in fear as his loud voice boomed in your room. his nose was flaring, his eyes were dripped with spite, and his chest where heaving. he's so mad at you and you're scared and confused.

that's when you realize, there's something wrong with him.

"m-mark, you're hurting me." you sobbed. mark snapped out of his senses. he quickly removed his hands from you and embraced you.

"I'm sorry." he sincerely said and kissed your cheeks and shove his face against it. "I'm so sorry, please don't leave me." he kept on apologizing non-stop. his hands were trembling you could feel it as he was clutching your arms.

"mark? mark?" you panicked. "mark? are you okay?" your fear from him vanished and changed into a concern to him. this is not normal.

you tried to get away from his arms but he's not budging, you stopped wriggling when you heard him whimper.

"don't leave me, can't. i really can't, i will lose myself." he begged like he's close to hopelessness. you gently pushed him to look at his face. your heart was stabbed when you saw how vulnerable he looked.

"mark..." you voice broke, you really don't know what to say because this is your first time to see him like this.

this is why mark never pursues someone or something he likes, he became possessive in fear that it will slip away from him, like his friends' admiration and respects towards him, the trust from his parents, and how they look at him as the perfect son, the people's respect on him because of his kindness and intellect, and his high grades- all of these are his goals and obsession but you're different. he can confidently allow these to get away from him in exchange of not losing you. you become his obsession. mark is aware that he has a problem but doesn't want to admit it and keep on insisting that this is part of his life... when it is not. everything about it is not normal, because when he faces rejection he felt anguish, loss, stress, and anger. there was a point where he tried to consider hurting and taking his life but he was taught that this is a grave sin and again, he felt disappointed that he is thinking of doing a grave sin which added made it worse to his anxiety. 3 years ago, he talked to his psychologist professor and was diagnosed with depression and attachment disorganized anxiety. he only attends one counseling session because he couldn't accept that there's something wrong with him and if people will find out about this he will lose all the respect.

ask him. you were pushing yourself to speak what's wrong? do you have a problem? you want to ask him but you became voiceless.

"mark, i want you to be honest to me okay?" your voice was shaking trying to control it from whimpering and tears rolling on your cheeks. "are you going through... something? do you want to talk about it?"

mark was spacing out while looking into your eyes but inside his head, it was in extreme chaos. he's having a second thoughts on telling that he has anxiety.

"mark, i love you so much but i need to understand you first so i know what to do and to make sure that you're receiving it. can you trust me?" you were convincing him and mark can see it through your eyes.

he gave up.

"i'm a mess." he broke down. mark's voice cracked and tears falling filled with hopelessness. you couldn't bare to see him like this so you pulled him into a passionate but slow kiss which he gladly responds.

you made him sit on your bed and straddle his hips, your hands were on both sides of his face and his hands were on the bed to support his body and your body. both of you where muffling your sobs.

"i was diagnosed depression and disorganized attachment anxiety" he confessed. you have no idea what is disorganized attachment anxiety, but you just understand that he has anxiety and depression, which was shocking.

mark lee, loved by everyone and religious boy have depression? that's when you realize, depression has no favoritism.

"how? you're..."

"when i was a kid, my parents are busy but i felt love every time they praise me and follow their lessons. i needed their praise and validation and i adopted it and became like... that and brought it until i grow up and to school. i never wanted to feel their disappointment and i never wanted to lose the respect of my parents, professors, and classmates but when i met you..." your eyes were locking with him. "you're the only thing i need and for the first time i never cared of losing it i thought i changed but i was wrong, nothing changed. i was just too possessive and obsess of you and when you told me you want to leave me..." his voice broke once again.

"it's going to be the end of me. it's been a long time since i felt rejected and i don't know what to do." he weeps and you felt weak.

mark has been your emotional support with fragile heart, you felt useless. instead of apologizing, you said the 3 words he always and shamelessly tells you.

"i love you." you pecked his lips. "i love you." your kissed it again and repeatedly do it while allowing the tears to fall.

he needs assurance that he is genuinely loved, which he is.

"mark, you are you still going to a psychiatrist?" making sure that he's managing it very well, but he shook his head. he needs help, someone who's more reliable. you hope that the next statement you will tell him will not take it as a bad thing. you rub his cheeks.

"you need to, aren't we pharmacists? aren't we push people to comply and adhere?" you smiled sadly.

"what will they think? my parents will be disappointed and sad at me, they will blame it to themselves, i know them y/n. and the people around me, they will think that i am fragile." you could see how frustrated he was.

"i thought you don't care about them anymore? i thought what matters is me? and what i think is that i love you and will love you more regardless of seeing one." you want to tell him that one day if you will do something wrong he might hurt himself or the people around him but you don't know if it's the right thing to say. this is why he needs to talk to a professional and you also need one because you can talk to them on what is the right thing to do to help mark and support him.

"if i do this you will never leave me?" you felt bad, now mark is now losing trust on you.

"if you do that, i am always right there with you." you kissed his forehead.

"and if i don't?"

"and if you don't..." you rest your forehead against his. "i am always with you."

you stared at each other for a long time sharing tons of emotion and you didn't know when it happened but both of you can't keep your hands to yourself. you're hovering over him touching him everywhere and his hands are all over your back.

you're grinding yourself hard on his pants, both of you panting but your lips never got separated, instead, it gets deeper. you pulled the hem of his pants and boxer. you pushed aside you shorts and sunk down to his length.

"fuck, that was hot." mark coulnd't help but blurt that out. you started to bounce, hands gripping his shoulders. he squeezed your breast underneath your shirt when suddenly the door clicked opened along with a women's gasp.

both of your heads turned towards the door's direction. it was your mom wearing his office uniform, holding a bowl with jaw-dropping in surprise. mark panicked, and so do you. you pulled mark's head and pulled it towards your breast, you want to gatekeep him.

"mom!" you shouted.

"i-i'm sorry I thought you look so down.. ohh..." you actually don't know what she just realized but she's nodding her head like now i get it "you have--"

"mom, get out!" she quickly closed the door.

"just so you know i will be here at 8, but if you want i can come here by 9! you can continue-"

"mom!" she made you feel embarrassed.

"my daughter has a boyfriend! finally!" she squealed as if the pigs finally learned how to fly. your mom thought this day wouldn't come but good lord your mom saw mark's face and at that moment she knew she needs mark's gene in her family tree.

"as much i loved your breast, i love to look at your face more." mark said. you release his head.

"my mom is just like that I'm sorry." you heard your mom honked. mark grinned and you gave him an apologetic look. "are you still in the mood?"

"i'm afraid i'm not anymore." mark chuckled. there's so much going on inside him plus he was slightly concerned what your mom thought of him. your mom caught him making with you but she seemed cool though but it was awkward.

"me too." deep down your blaming your mom.

you went back to class, you can't let mark skip[ another class again. you have to be a good influence. it was awkward but everyone already knows that you're dating, there's no reason to hide it and might just embrace it. mark apologized to the whole class, he didn't tell them his condition but he told them that he's going through something. even though mark still thinks that they are just using him, though at first that's how you perceived them but that really changed, for you it was a genuine friendship, they were so forgiving and i hope one day mark will accept that friendship.

since them, things went good though not perfect. his parents blamed themselves but you told them that that's the reason why mark didn't want to tell it to them, instead of continuing blaming themselves, they will give them all the love and support. mark never missed a session and you never missed going with him also.

and for the first time, you went to their church and the pastor is mark's father. you thought it was going to be like a normal day but...

"mark..." you sighed when he increased the intensity of the vibrator that he slipped while his father preaching. the front seats were occupied while you and mark are the only ones seating at the back.

you're squeezing and rubbing your thighs together, you felt so hot and wet. you badly want to moan, but that will be hard because you felt like once you moan, it will never stop.

"are you calling me love?" mark innocently asked you, he was saying that while putting the vibrator on max. you mouth opened while looking at mark's eyes. mark kept his smile while watching your orgasm face. he's doing unholy inside but worth it. he off the vibrator.

unfortunately all you can hear mark's father but can't understand it. you're still in ecstasy.

"my friends and family, it's not about finding the right person, it is becoming the right person, and if both partners think this way even the wrong shadows will be lighted by understanding. it's like saying i am the right person for the right person. tell this to your partner."

"i am the right person for the right person." mark whispered into your ears.

"hmm? what?" you weakly said. your eyes still closed. mark just chuckled and kissed your forehead.

"nothing." then put the vibrator to max.

"mark!" you screamed and everyone turned their heads towards you. you blood went down to your feet and nervously smile. "i- love your son sir..." you embarrassingly confessed. mark was trying to suppress his laugh while the people around you awed.

"and that's an example of my preach today."

you glared at mark, he just grinned and kiss your love.

"i love you too." he said.

"i want to smack you in the head." you angrily said. he just laughed.

this is going to be the last chapter. sorry for waiting to much, BUT there's a BONUS chapter there's no story on that just pure 🥵

✨if you want to be added in I’m Right For You Tag List, you can DM or Ask me so i can add you ✨

Tag List: @jenotation @babylion-mork @cloudykeiji @jjikyuu @sunshinedhyuck @wassup-haeyadwae @mrklyy @resceluwu @jenonctcity @wanlore @watermelonlovermark @erisxczenie @marksquare @lalaname

[kingwuko]

Wuko in the Comics: Ruins of the Empire, Book 1 part 2

Welcome to my series of posts discussing Wuko in the Comics. In this post I'll continue to discuss RotE Book 1. There are some... interesting moments in the second half of this comic, including a very famous line that all but confirms canon Wuko.

Plot Summary

Fearing that Guan will use violence to stop the election, the Krew decides to bring Kuvira along with them to Gaoling, hoping that she can talk him down. When they come face-to-face with Guan, however, they discover he does not intend to use violence, but will run in Gaoling’s election. The Krew decides the best solution is to find another candidate with enough public support to defeat Guan fair and square; and they decide to ask Toph to run. It is revealed, however, that Guan does not intend to win fair and square. He’s planning to brainwash Gaoling’s citizens to vote for him.

Major Plot points in the second half of Book 1

We start off right away with the Sauna Scene. Everyone looks excellent. The ladies' sauna wear is lovely. Mako and Bolin have their classic swim suits seen in season 1. Wu is literally just wearing a towel. I found myself googling saunas and steam baths to see if it’s normal to wear swimsuits or just a towel, and everything I read said pretty much anything goes as long as you are comfortable, but I do find it interesting that everyone wears swimsuits except Wu. Maybe because he does steam baths more often and he’s just more comfortable in that setting? He seems pretty confident and not at all shy. I don’t have anything analytical to say about it, I just think it’s an interesting detail, that he doesn’t seem to have any hang-ups about being nearly naked around Mako his friends.

They are discussing Guan’s militaristic movement toward Gaoling, and tossing ideas around to handle the situation. Mako not-so-helpfully suggests using force with the united forces which Zhu Li shoots down right away, not wanting to escalate the situation. Wu agrees and wants to find a peaceful resolution. Korra, remembering her conversation with Kuvira, thinks she has the answer. She proposes bringing Kuvira along to Gaoling, which NOBODY is happy about. Asami is upset because she made it clear earlier she does not want to be in the same room as Kuvira, Bolin is distressed because Kuvira nearly had him killed when he defected from her inner circle, Mako points out that he nearly lost his arm taking down the mech, Zhu Li says she invaded republic city, Asami reminds everyone that Kuvira killed her father, and Wu boldly declares that we can’t forget she ruined his coronation… He quickly reads the room and apologises (character growth?).

Korra acknowledges everyone’s concerns and points out that she truly believes Kuvira can be an ally- she was their ally when Zaheer was trying to kill her and the airbenders; and when her spirit vine weapon ripped open a new portal to the spirit world, Kuvira thought she had died and Korra believes that changed her. Bolin points out that Kuvira is very persuasive and may have a good shot at convincing Guan to stand down. Everyone is convinced and declares their support for the plan.

Zhu Li orders Kuvira’s release and Korra brings her onto the airship taking them all to Gaoling. And, I’m sorry, this frame is like, the bitchiest collective look from Mako, Wu, Bolin and Pabu. I just love it.

They initially plan to restrain her, but decide it’s pointless when Kuvira points out if she wanted to escape that she would have already. They arrive at Gaoling and there’s no sign of Guan and his army. Kuvira is certain he’ll be there, and points out that she needs to change so she doesn’t meet with him looking like a prisoner.

Korra and Wu go to meet with the election candidates. Their portraits are on the wall and it’s revealed that the candidates are both elderly magistrates who have been working in the local government for a long time. They are practically indistinguishable from each other, which causes Korra concern. Wu isn’t happy about it either, he was hoping the elections would bring in new leaders to take the earth kingdom in a new direction. Instead, it looks like nothing will change in Gaoling or the rest of the earth kingdom if things play out the same way. They are both disappointed but Korra is optimistic that this is the first election and over things will improve as they iron out the political kinks

Back in the flying machine, they give Kuvira an outfit of Asami’s that is…. Like I can’t put it into words. I’ve never seen asami wear it and that is a shame. The word that comes to mind is “Dapper”. Like is we saw Asami wearing it when they first introduced her character literally everyone would have predicted Cannon Korrasami and immeadiately said “yup Asami’s gay straight women don’t dress like that”. Slacks, a collared long sleeve shirt, with a grey vest over top. Just like, amazing. I am so disappointed we never saw Asami wear this. Someone point me to a fanart of Asami in this outfit that canonically belongs to her please.

Guan arrives and Kuvira tries to talk to him, which goes about as well as you’d expect. So she tries to appeal directly to his troops and urges them to surrender, and they all say in unison “Hail Commander Guan!”. So Kuvira decides to challenge Guan and beats the crap out of him in a punch that looks like something directly out of a WWII propaganda poster or something.

Kuvira is literally about to kill him by bending the metal collar around his neck when suddenly Asami electrocutes her with some device she had hidden in the belt she gave Kuvira.

Once Mako and Bolin drag Kuvira away, Korra attempts to reason with Guan and tells him she won’t let him interfere with the election. Guan then reveals he has no intention of interfering- he plans on running in the election! He immediately turns in all the necessary paperwork to be on the ballot. He informs the Krew that soon, all the upcoming elections will have Earth Empire representatives running and once they have power in every territory, no one will question the Earth Empire's right to rule.

They reconvene back on the airship, where Kuvira is detained in the platinum box. They explain to Kuvira that she was wrong to provoke him, but right that he is an excellent strategist. Mako then tells Wu that he should just call off the election. Wu replies “Mako, you know I love you, but I’m trying to encourage democracy. I can’t just go around canceling elections because I don’t like one of the candidates. We need to see how this plays out”

…

Yes. “Mako, you know I love you”

…

We’ll discuss that at length in a bit.

They decide the best path forward is to find a new candidate who is popular enough to beat Guan. Korra excitedly suggests Toph. Which, like, wouldn’t have been the first person to come to mind for me, but I guess she’s the only person they know who is originally from Goaling? But everyone seems on board, except presumably Toph because she doesn't like to get involved in worldly affairs… So Korra announces they will just have to convince her!!

We then cut to Guan's encampment, where he is discussing Kuvira’s actions with a Doctor Sheng, observing that Kuvira just isn’t the same, and that the Avatar has corrupted her mind. The doctor suggests they “recalibrate” Kuvira’s mind and leads him into a structure where she shows him their latest “recruits'. We then see Goaling citizens tied up in chairs with devices on their heads. They are being brainwashed to vote for Guan! Yikes!

Mako and Wu Scenes

The Sauna scene

The meeting that took place in the sauna was at the behest of Wu. He said he was very stressed out so he couldn’t miss his steam bath. I know there are lots of jokes about Wu being high maintenance because he needs his spa days or whatever, but he is in a highly stressful situation right now and we know that self care is essential to maintain one’s mental health and in order to perform one’s job well. I think this was an interesting way to weave together his seemingly superficial hobbies with his new maturity and responsibility. I really loved this scene for that (though seeing all the hot people in sauna-wear is a bonus).

Also there is a recurring thing where Mako is just offering the worst advice to Korra. He wants the United Republic, a completely separate Nation from the Earth Kingdom, to just.. March into another country and ‘enforce’ their democratic process??? Like…. If you know anything about world history and current events we know that is awful and wouldn’t be received well and would be a recipe for political instability and long term conflict. Thank goodness everyone is like Mako no. I’m pointing this out because, as much as we think of Wu as being immature, irresponsible, whatever, the reality is that he has a level head while Mako is actually giving the irresponsible solutions here. It’s a really interesting evolution from the infamous Wu meltdown scene where Mako was the voice of reason, but here things have reversed.

Also, I want to point out the moment where Wu backs down after he adds his grievance to the list everyone is giving (She ruined my coordination!), it’s kind of played for laughs but like… Wu has a totally valid reason to be upset on par with everyone else, considering Kuvira had him drugged and kidnapped…. Why wouldn’t he have said that? Well, the simple and obvious answer is- the writers wanted to make a “Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking” joke. But since us fans like to give depths to the characters that they deserve, maybe Wu is genuinely traumatized and just doesn’t want to bring it up. And maybe everyone knows he’s traumatized and doesn't want to bring it up, because no one else is like “Wu, did you forget she had you drugged and kidnapped???” They just give him a look and he’s like “LOL oops sorry should have said my thing first!!” maybe Team Avatar understands that it was a really scary moment for him and they just let him shield himself with humor.

I know it isn’t isn’t exactly a strong Wuko moment, but the bitchy look that Moko, Bolin, Wu and Pabu give to Kuvira in the airship breathed life into me for some reason. I’m loving how they look like a group of mean girls who were just badmouthing Kuvira before she walked in. I think they were having a nice bonding moment before this.

Mako, you know I love you

Ok. So after Mako casually mentions just calling off the election, Wu flat out says “I love you” to Mako. This is a line us Wuko shippers just DIE for. The full line is as follows:

Mako: I say you call off the vote, at least for now. Make it impossible for Guan to win

Wu: Mako, you know I love you, but I’m trying to encourage democracy. I can’t just go around cancelling elections because I don’t like one of the candidates. We need to let this play out.

So. Like, what the heck are we supposed to make of this?

I’m not going to dig too deep and force my own interpretations and headcanons onto you. This I love you could mean a number of different things. I just want to pose some rhetorical questions about it and the context to give us all some things to think about.

Is Wu flirting? Does Mako actually know that Wu loves him? Is this an extension of Wu’s many other instances of flirting with complimenting Mako (on par with ‘my big tough guy” while staring at his ass)? Has Wu said “I love you” to Mako before? How many times has Wu said “Mako I love you” before? Is this evidence of them actually being in a romantic relationship during this comic? Or is it evidence of romantic tension building? Is Mako just totally oblivious to the fact that Wu said I love you? Or did he hear it and his brain blue-screened from the shock of being blatantly told I love you? Has Wu just gotten fed up that Mako seems oblivious to all his previous flirtations and he just decided to up the ante? Does Mako love Wu back?!

Lots of questions. Lots of interpretations. But (as far as I remember) Mako has only said I love you to two people- his brother and Korra (I don’t think he said I love you to Asami but I could be wrong). And if you’ve read this you know that Mako’s relationship with Wu is not brotherly. We’ve never heard “I love you” from Wu toward anyone else that I can recall so I don’t think he makes a habit of throwing the phrase around lightly. Also, worth noting: Literally no one reacts to the casual “I love you”. Everyone just goes on with the conversation at hand. The next frame that we see of Wu and Mako’s faces together, Mako is SMILING at Wu.

So like, he’s clearly not uncomfortable with being told that Wu loves him. And no one else is uncomfortable with it either. So what gives? Are they together? Are they flirting? Is everyone else just like “yup Wu said I love you Mako nothing out of the ordinary here because it’s painfully obvious Wu is into Mako, let's move on, nothing to see here”?

Wu and Korra

One thing I LOVE about these comics is the friendship between Korra and Wu. During the series, Korra tolerated Wu, warming up to him a bit at the very end when he told her his plan to abdicate. But through these comics there seems to be a comfortable familiarity between them. A bit of teasing, loads of moral support, and not a hint of her (or anyone) being super annoyed by him. He also doesn’t hit on her or anyone else except Mako, which is a very refreshing character growth because it was very tiresome to watch him objectify women in the animated series.

Korra and Wu spend a good amount of time together as she accompanies him to Gaoling’s city hall. They seem very comfortable with each other, comfortable enough that the writers included a fart joke.

Korra reassures Wu when he expresses worry about the election being pointless, she steps forward somewhat protectively when Guan shows up- the entire scene with Guan, Korra is standing between him and Wu.

Basically I bring this up because I genuinely love the idea that Korra and Wu are close and friendly, that they have moved on from his cringy behavior from the series (I like to think he apologized to both her and Asami?)

What this means for Wuko

If you are writing fic or just coming up with headcanon, there are two ways to look at the scenes. Either they are in a relationship, or they aren’t. You could easily just say they are in a relationship and are being quiet about it, because they aren’t ready to be fully public, or maybe because they are still figuring things out, or they are waiting for Wu to abdicate and move back to Republic City, etc. “You know I love you” is such an easy piece of canon content to make this your headcanon.

Likewise, one could say they are Not Together right now. Pre-relationship, if you will. Maybe they’ve danced around the idea, discussed feelings without actually getting together. Or maybe they are still clueless that there is a potential for a relationship. Wu might be putting out feelers to see how Mako responds to his flirtations. Mako might be wondering if he’s misinterpreting Wu’s affectionate touches and words. Lots of romantic tension, pining, each wondering if the other one has any feelings.

I also love the idea that Wu and Korra are friends and have discussed or will discuss Mako and Wu’s feelings for him.

So, in summary, Wu loves Mako. It’s canon. It’s right there in black and white. Make of it what you will!

Next post I will discuss Wuko in the first half of RotE Book 2. Wu goes on a life-changing field trip with Korra to meet Toph and confront a swamp-vision of his Late Great Aunt, while Mako gets captured and brainwashed by Guan. Wu and Mako are not together during these scenes but there will be lots of wonderful Wu backstory along with plenty of angst potential from the brainwashing storyline.

Wuko in Turf Wars

Wuko in RotE part 1

[krreader]

BTS reacting to your daughter wanting to become an idol.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: language genre: angst ; fluff word count: 2k+

a/n: sooo, I wasn’t sure if you wanted the main argument to be the dieting, but I feel like there are a lot more reasons why they’d be worried, so I hope you don’t mind me only putting diets as one of the many reasons. nevertheless, I hope you like it ♥

kim seokjin

“We were seven men and we had our own struggles. What do you think happens when it's seven women who are constantly getting compared to each other?” Jin stood in front of your daughter with his arms crossed in front of his chest, “Do you know what's going to happen? They're going to say things like: 'Oh, you've gained more weight than her, you need to be put on a diet now'.”

“I'll deal with that if it comes down to it, dad, but I'm old enough to know what I'll be putting myself through and I'm making this decision with or without your approval,” she got up and copied his pose and once again, you could see that she truly was his daughter.

You got up with a sigh, standing between the two before the argument could escalate any further.

“We're worried and you know we have every reason to be. So how about we make a deal. You do your thing, you agree and join the company, but your father is allowed to monitor everything.”

“What, like I'm a baby?! I'm 16!”

“No, like a manager,” you turned around to look at your husband, “You've been itching to work in the industry again as well, just differently this time, this would be the perfect opportunity. Sira could become the idol she wants to be without having to worry about much, because you'll take care of her like the father that you are and the manager that you could be.”

It certainly was an odd proposal, there weren't many idols that were managed by their parents, but it has happened every now and then.

And it was something that both Jin and your daughter were ultimately okay with, because they both got their ways, even if not exactly how they thought they would.

min yoongi

“Aren't you... going to say anything?” your daughter pushed her food around, her eyes on her father who wasn't looking at her at all.

You were feeding your baby to your right, your eyes switching from her to him, afraid of what this might turn into.

“So you want to become their slut.”

“Yoongi!” you immediately complained.

“No, (Y/N),” Yoongi looked up, first at you, then at your daughter, “You have no idea how fucked up this industry really is. Why do you think I left when I did? Why do you think I did everything I could to protect you from this life? Do you want to starve yourself for the rest of your life? Do you want to portray a version of yourself that you're not until the day you die?”

“I didn't do anything yet, dad! They just made an offer, I didn't say anything yet!” she was upset, clearly, “I'm sorry, I should have just said no.”

But when she started sobbing, Yoongi's hard shell broke down immediately and his shoulders slumped with a heavy sigh.

“Listen, I know you love music, but becoming an idol is not the way to go. If you're serious about music, I can help you get in touch with the right people, people that won't use you like the agencies would in a position of as an idol.”

She nodded, even though she was still crying.

Later that night, you ended up joining her in her bed, holding her close while explaining to her why Yoongi had been so upset. Why he was so scared for her and that he didn't do this to punish her, but simply to protect her.

And thankfully, she understood.

jung hoseok

“How much sleep do you get nowadays?” Hoseok asked.

“I don't know.. seven to nine hours?”

“Forget that. You'll get four if you're really lucky, two on a normal day and none if you have comebacks. How much do you weigh right now?”

“Why are you asking me this?” your daughter clearly became uncomfortable.

“Because they will be asking you. They will want to know whether to put you on a diet or not because you are 'too fat' for this industry.”

You let out a frustrated sigh and cupped your daughter's face, “He's not sugarcoating it like I would have, but he's right. This industry isn't as beautiful as you think it is and your father has seen it up close, so he’s not just saying these things to scare you off,” you kissed her forehead, “I know that you're currently in a stage of your life where you don't know what step is the next to take and I know that it's scary not to know, but please do not make any rash decisions and sign any contracts. Think about this... carefully.”

She did... because you didn't raise her to be naive and stupid.

kim namjoon

“Do you know why we disbanded, sweetheart?” Namjoon's voice was gentle, his eyes on his other daughter picking flowers in the garden.

“You... never really went into details about that,” but she was instantly curious and straightened her back, crossing her legs on the bench that she was sitting on.

“At that time, we reached the peak of our careers. There truly was nowhere else to go, but people still expected us to go higher and reach for more stars. But we were exhausted. We were.. depressed,” Namjoon's eyes flickered to you, since you had been the one to pull him out of that dark place once, “What me and your uncles have accomplished will forever be something I will cherish, but it is not a life I would wish for you. The never ending diets, the never ending stress and expectations... it's... horrible.”

“But there's perks too, right? I mean, you had amazing fans.”

“We did. And then we also had the ones that stalked us. The ones that sent us creepy letters. The ones that threatened to hurt our loved ones,” finally, he turned his head to look at her, “You and your sister should not grow up in a world like this. I want you to be able to eat what you want to eat without someone telling you that it has too many calories. I want you to be able to sleep in on the weekends after a long week of hard work. I want you to be able to go on vacations with your friends without having to worry for your safety. Do you understand what I mean?”

She didn't respond right away, but ultimately she smiled a little and nodded, “I understand, daddy.”

And boy, did you both let out a relieved sigh.

park jimin

“No,” Park Jimin was not the kind of father to say no without giving a reason, especially because he hardly could say no to his first and only daughter, the apple of his eye. But when she asked him about her possibly getting into BigHit, he instantly shut her down.

“But..-” her eyes widened, her lower lip already beginning to tremble and you, being stuck in the middle, turned your head to Jimin with a small smile, “Can you check up on Seungmin? Tell him it's almost dinner time.”

Jimin knew that you handling this conversation would be better anyways, so he did end up walking outside to check up on his son, while you turned around to your daughter and grabbed her hands, “Your father had a great life. He had a wonderful career that he doesn't regret having, but the wonderful things that you see online and hear from fans and friends and family... it wasn't always like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“When your father made his debut, he ended up struggling... a lot. Not because he wasn't good at singing, or dancing.. but because he felt like his face was too chubby. He felt like his abs weren't good enough. He felt like his legs didn't look strong enough,” when she looked confused, you kept on talking, “He went on one diet after the other and went days without eating anything, just because he felt like he had to. Now, imagine him having been a woman. And I really hate saying this in a modern time as this, but the world isn't as lenient with us as it is with men, and your father knows it, sweetheart. If one fan were to ever mention that you're one gram too heavy, the company would take it to heart and put you on a diet. And not just a diet for a week, a diet for a month, maybe a year. Your father has experienced this first hand and he just doesn't want you to live a life such as this too,” especially because she had inherited his beautiful cheeks from him and so he was worried that she’d go through the same things just because of that wonderful detail.

She hadn't known about this, because if she had, she never would have brought it up.

And after that day, after thinking about what you had said once again and after actually looking up what you had said and confirming it all, she never brought it up ever again.

And Jimin was more than glad about that.

kim taehyung

You both should have assumed that this would happen at some point.

Not only because of who Taehyung is and used to be, but because of who your daughter was. Confident, breathtakingly beautiful and talented. Of course, she'd want to pursue a career in a field such as this one.

“Listen,” Taehyung brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, “You know your mother and I support you, no matter what you want to do, but this life that you're envisioning right now is not the life that you'll have.”

“He's right, sweetheart,” you sighed, “You are already struggling with keeping your life private, if you join BigHit, it'll get even worse. Then there's crazy fans, more so for you because of who your father used to be. And the diets.. the never ending diets..”

“I know you're worried and I can't blame you for it,” she grabbed her fathers hand and pulled it to her cheek, leaning against it, “But whatever happens, I know you two will have my back. That's why I want to do this, because I know that no matter what, I can always come back here and get my slice of normality and love.”

It... kind of made you really proud to hear that, even if it didn’t decrease your worries.

jeon jeongguk

BigHit had been trying to get Jeongguk to sign up your daughter ever since she was old enough to walk and talk, but he had always denied them.

Now, however, she was old enough to make her own decisions, and her saying yes, didn't come as a surprise to either of you.

“Don't you think there's a reason I kept telling them off?” Jeongguk was angry. Angry at BigHit, angry at his daughter and most importantly, angry at himself that he didn't put a stop to this once and for all, “Do you want to starve yourself for the rest of your life to be the perfect doll that they want you to be?”

But instead of yelling back, she actually listened to every little bad thing that he had to say.

Only when he let out a frustrated sigh and dropped down on the couch next to her, did she speak: “I know this isn't what either of you wanted for me and I'm sorry I'm worrying you like this, especially you dad, but this is my life and my decision.”

You decided to join in, your hand on your daughter's lower back, “It's not that we wouldn't support you, but this life is hard. We're just scared for you.”

“I know, mom,” but she was stubborn and so with one last glance at her father, she said: “I'm sorry, daddy, but it’s what I’m going to do,” and got up to go into her room.

All that Jeongguk could do now was keep BigHit in check. Every little thing they wanted to do to your daughter had to go through him.

She didn't know about this and he made sure that she never would... but it was the only way that Jeongguk would allow this to happen.

[exauhstedsunflower]

I Am Very Proud Of You

For @cynicalrainbows, a one shot featuring the idea that Catalina feels left out of mom!Jane’s pride in her so called kids.

This got long.

It’s been a while since the queens have reincarnated. They’ve long since passed most of their personal issues. They even settled in nicely to the current century. Anne and Kitty got jobs, working in a flower shop just down the road. Anna has picked up several volunteer shifts at a local animal shelter. Cathy is a tutor for adults at the neighborhood library. And Catalina works at a daycare, decidedly liking modern day kids over modern day adults. (They have all of the curiosity and none of the disbelief in her legitimacy as a former queen of England.)

And Jane, well, Jane is a stay at home mother. Kind of.

They live in the suburbs in a place where cost of living is pretty low, Kitty, Anne and Catalina make enough to cover their more indulgent purchases. Whereas the rest is covered by some anonymous donor, who they think is the reason they are even alive. There is no reason for Jane to have to get a job herself. Not to say she doesn’t have hobbies, she does occasionally visit the local art supplies stores, and sometimes she goes to the animal shelter with Anna. But she does actually prefer to stay home as an introvert.

As she does stay home most of the time, she takes up most of the household chores. She cleans, she cooks, she makes sure that there is order where there would normally be chaos. This also means that she’s taken on the more maternal place in the house. The others rely on her, whether they were reluctant to in the beginning or not.

Her biggest maternal habit is validating the other queens. She spent a lot of time in her last life being put down- they all had. The least she can do whilst being the glue that keeps their little family together is to make sure they all know they are doing great given the circumstances.

It’s a rather chaotic morning, she’s been running around like crazy. They all have, but her in particular trying to get everyone ready for the day.

“Jane!”

That’s Anne, upstairs and probably looking for her jacket, which is hanging on the end of the railing at the lower level.

“Down here love, come and get your jacket before you and Kitty are late!”

She speeds down, almost crashing into Anna, who’s rifling through her bag with a piece of toast in her mouth. When she asks what the woman is looking for, she seems to forget about the toast. Jane reaches out and catches it in a moment of astounding reflexes.

“Ah! Don’t get crumbs all over my carpet, please.”

“Sorry! Have you seen my-“

“Jane! I can’t find my-“

“Kitty! I found-“

“Cathy, you-!”

Jane snorts, leave it to those two to have half conversations and still understand each other.

“What is it, Anna?”

She snaps back to attention, having been distracted by the yelling upstairs. Impressive how those two have the capacity to be that loud given the way they haven’t slept in two days. Yes, Jane knows. And yes, Jane will be intervening if they try to make it a third.

“My wallet, I can’t find my wallet.”

“Have you checked the hoodie you wore yesterday?”

“Shi- Crap,” Anna quickly corrects herself in Jane’s presence, “I forgot about that, let me check.”

She races off to check the coat closet, which is where she’s stuck most of her hoodies in an attempt for space in her own closet.

It doesn’t take long for Jane to find something else to focus on. Anne is currently making an attempt to find her snack pack for the day. Now, this is something that unlike what you might think, is not Jane’s doing. She does not pack lunches and snacks for the women in the house, if they want that they can do so themselves. Jane places Anna’s toast on a paper towel and decides to help.

“Isn’t it in the lower cabinet? Could’ve sworn you all changed where you keep them.”

“Oh! We did!

She finds her bag, likely filled with sweets, and stuffs the sandwich she was making and a water bottle into it. Then she does the same for the three others.

“Oh, you’re making lunch for everyone.” She observes.

“Yeah, everyone’s running a bit late this morning and I’m ready. So, might as well.”

Jane smiles, “I’m proud of you. That’s really sweet.”

Anne immediately flushes and thanks her bashfully, she never did get used to the praise.

Kitty then runs into the room, claiming she is ready to go.

Her outfit is a little different today. But, also, Kitty’s outfits are always a little different. Today it’s red lumberjack pattern leggings and a green sweater. There are several silver accessories that compliment her choker with a silver ‘K’ charm hanging off of it. Her hair is in a messy bun, unlike yesterday when it was straightened.

“Jeez kid, is it Christmas already?”

Jane rolls her eyes at Anne’s comment. “I think you look cute, good job Kit.”

The girl beams at the compliment. Her sense of style has been a way of expressing autonomy, a way of showing that she has full control over her body. Jane is incredibly proud that the girl has found something to help her deal with her past trauma in a healthy way. Even if it means questionable but admittedly cute fashion choices.

Cathy and Anna pass by Jane, grabbing their lunches with a quick thanks to Anne. Anna is holding her wallet, so Jane supposes it was in fact in the pocket of her hoodie. Cathy grabs a to-go cup and fills it with coffee.

“Cathy, thank you for being the only one to not scream for me this morning. I’m proud. But have we got any sugar for your coffee?”

Jane doesn’t remember buying any, but she does recall running out yesterday.

“I picked some up on the way home, it’s in the top left cabinet.” Anna supplies.

“That’s great, Anna. Thank you.” Jane is using her Proud Mom Voice. Anna also gets a lot of praise from Cathy, who forgot to buy more and was about to have to drink bitter coffee. (Not that she would have minded, but she prefers it to be a bit sweeter during the day. Black coffee is for night time.) She also smiles at Jane for her comment on her independence.

With the coffee made, and everything needed for the day found, it’s time for them all to head out. Anne and Kitty can walk, and Anna drives Cathy to the library on her way to the shelter. Sometimes Jane walks with her cousins to the shop. She’ll pick up a bouquet for the house or a new plant for the garden and that’ll give her something to do for about a half hour of being home. But today she’s not feeling up for the walk, even if it is just down the road.

She does a headcount of everyone and mentally goes through the list of things to be done in the mornings. Everyone’s lunches are made. Anne and her things, Kitty and her choker, Anna and her bag, Cathy and her coffee, Catalina-

Catalina isn’t down yet. She drives the other car, so it’s not much of a hold up for the rest. They all attempt to grab something small to eat to take with them as Jane wonders where the oldest queen is.

Her relationship with Catalina is a little different. Catalina’s the oldest, the most regal and independent, she doesn’t need a mother. And while Jane has proudly claimed the mom friend title, she doesn’t want to cross any boundaries.

Of course she still checks in on her every once in a while, but she’s not as forthcoming in the mothering with her. They both seem rather content with the arrangement, seeing as they’re both the more mature one’s in the house. They tend to be the one taking care of the others, not being taken care of.

Just as Jane is about to check in to make sure Catalina is alright, the woman arrives amongst the rest. She looks a little happier than usual.

“Sorry for the hold up, I was caught up doing something.”

Jane’s about to ask what, but Cathy beats her to it.

“Oh, it’s nothing really. Just finished applying for that child care class.”

Everyone cheers. That’s something Catalina’s been putting off for a while now. She hasn’t done it yet in fear of being rejected or putting herself in a situation she’s not prepared for.

But this is a great step! Because Catalina’s end goal is to open her own daycare center, and having the credentials to back it is super helpful. And she’s already flushed at the reaction that she got, so maybe that's why when Jane places a hand on her arm and says she’s proud of her, Catalina freezes.

It was an instinct, honest. She’d never do that on purpose, it's quite honestly probably a little patronizing to the woman she holds in such high regard. It’s just that she’s been praising all of the rest of the queens all morning and she’s still in that mindset.

She pulls her hand away slowly, and Catalina shakes her head as if she’s trying to clear some thoughts, and they move on.

“Right, so, everyone out! You’ll all be late at this rate.”

Jane herds the rest to the door, seeing Catalina linger for a moment. But she catches Jane's eye and seems to brace herself before walking toward the door herself. Jane does not ask if she’s okay, she doesn’t want to overstep again.

“You all got ready and you’ll probably be on time! Great job, love you all, see you later!”

She gets a chorus of “Bye Mum!” back from all except one. A common joke among the queens, based on her role in the house. It honestly fills her with pride though, so she never refutes the moniker.

Jane tries to catch Catalina on her way out to wish her a good day; but the woman dodges her and races to her own car, leaving Jane worried she offended her friend.

-

Catalina presses submit and leans back in her chair with a deep breath. This is a big step for her. It’s a good thing, but it’s also a commitment. It does help with her long term plans though, so she’s willing to do it.

The class would only take her seven months to complete, and it’s all something she’s invested in, it shouldn't be this scary to start. But it is, and she can’t help but resent that she has no support.

She shakes that thought away as soon as it comes. Of course she has support. The queens are very supportive. She knows that when she tells them she finally applied they’ll all be very happy for her.

Happy, not proud.

She shouldn’t feel that way. She should be happy that she’s been given this second chance, happy that she’s able to spend it with her loving family. And she is! But she can’t help but feel slightly excluded.

“Jane!”

Catalina has half a mind to tell them to leave the poor woman alone. They’ve been calling for her all morning. But she does seem to enjoy that they need her so.

“Down here love, come and get your jacket before you and Kitty are late!”

“Jane! I can’t find-“

“Kitty, I found-“

She could never call for Jane like that. It’s more than likely she’d be judged for it. No, she’s independent. She’s the oldest, she doesn’t need Jane to take care of her. And honestly she does prefer to take care of herself. It’s not that that bothers her though.

It’s just that Jane always seems proud. Consistently, someone in the house is making her proud. Whether it be something small, like making a phone call; or something big, like getting their licenses. Jane always finds something to be proud of when it comes to all of the queens.

All except Catalina.

She’s honestly tried everything. She’s done the small things like make a big deal out of something menial and then finally doing it, to no avail.

(“Catalina, weren’t you supposed to make that call three days ago?”

Catalina bites her lip, hoping.

“Yeah, but it was making me nervous so I kept putting it off.”

That’s not even a lie. Catalina does in fact have a bit of anxiety surrounding phone calls. But usually she'd rather die than admit a fear. She hopes to receive some sort of reassurance out of this, as she’d had a rough week and this was pretty difficult. But instead she gets a frown.

“You shouldn’t put stuff like that off. If you need help with a phone call just ask.”)

Then she tried acting out, which truthfully made her feel quite childish and stupid. It didn’t work like it seems to work for Kitty or Anne, who Jane seems to have a soft spot for. But they’re family, Catalina reminds herself, real family.

(“I don’t wanna.”

Jane furrows her eyebrows, “What do you mean you don’t want to? You’ve been asking to cook this for weeks! I even set aside the ingredients.”

“Well, I changed my mind. I’m not cooking.”

She doesn’t get a gentle goading into whatever it is she changed her mind about suddenly, like Cathy or Anna would. No, this bout of unnecessary refusal to help out with dinner just lands her in hot water with Jane, who was already feeling a little stressed.

“All I ask is-“

Jane’s rant lasted about thirty minutes, and Catalina felt much like a child who was chided for disobedience all night.)

Needless to say, although she does acknowledge it in her head, Jane does not care for Catalina in the way she cares for the others. They do have a friendship, but Catalina does not receive the same type of love.

And it’s fine, totally fine.

Just that Catalina doesn’t quite want to face Jane this morning. Because she just did something really significant and if she has to face being treated unequal to the others when she mentions it she might have to go back to bed.

But she is happy she’s done it now. It’s like a weight has been lifted off of her shoulders, she’s been putting this off for so long now that she’d never thought she would do it. One of the other daycare workers had convinced her yesterday to do it as soon as she got home, and she put it off until this morning. She couldn’t just go into work and face that person saying she didn’t do it, could she? And so she did.

With that sudden burst of happiness after her anxiety, she prepares to face the chaos waiting for her downstairs. She’s already heard them all congregate to the kitchen, maybe she can grab a pop tart before leaving.

“Cathy, thank you for being the only one to not scream for me this morning. I’m proud. But have we got any sugar for your coffee?”

“I picked some up on the way home, it’s in the top left cabinet.”

“That’s great, Anna. Thank you.”

So, Jane’s in a praising mood this morning. Great.

She walks briskly into the kitchen and moves toward the counter that holds her lunch bag, thanking Anne for packing it this morning. As she does this she apologizes for holding them all up, they’re clearly all ready to go. She hopes they haven’t been waiting long.

“What were you doing?”

She glances at Cathy, then starts rifling through her pockets again to find her keys. She’s looked for her keys three times now, she knows she has them, but it’s something to focus on.

“Oh, it’s nothing really.” She tries to sound nonchalant as she says it. “Just finished applying for that child care class.”

Nothing could have prepared her for the cheers that sound through the room. Everyone seems so happy for her. And Catalina herself is really excited, so it’s nice. It’s nice to feel people being happy for her, even if she’s not making anyone proud.

Kitty hugs her, Anna starts talking about the future plans to own a daycare that they can all help with, Cathy congratulates her since she knew how hard it was for Catalina to make that step. Even Anne is smiling at her and pitching ideas for Anna to shoot down.

And then, Catalina’s heart stops.

Jane puts a hand on her arm, like she’s seen the woman do to every other person in the house, and tells her she’s proud. She even looks like she means it, for a moment.

Catalina can’t possibly respond, as she’s never had to respond to that before. She’s been trying to make it happen, but she hadn’t thought this far ahead. She just freezes and stands still, eyes wide with surprise and slight hope. And then Jane looks slightly regretful, and it’s enough to kill her mood completely.

Of course it was habitual, she’s been telling people she’s proud all morning. But she doesn’t act like that with Catalina. It wasn’t on purpose.

“Right, everyone out!” Catalina doesn’t hear the rest of what Jane says as she withdraws her hand. Everyone makes their way out of the front door and says their goodbyes. And once Catalina regains her ability to move, she quickly dodges Jane’s special not caring goodbye to her and practically runs to her car.

Her drive to the daycare usually takes about twenty minutes, it’s not unusual for her to arrive early to help set up. On days like today, where everyone is running late, she gets there with enough time to at least say hello to everyone before they open. But today is a special case. This particular morning, Catalina pulls into the parking lot of a convenience store/gas station and doesn’t care if she’s going to be late.

Hands shaking, she takes the key out of the ignition and stares into space. Jane said she’s proud of her. Not only that, but Catalina ruined it by freezing up. Maybe she wouldn’t have looked so apprehensive and regretful if Catalina had reacted better. Damn.

She tries to recall something to make her feel better. Something to make her at least stable enough to drive. A memory from her maids as a child or something funny from this life, anything at all. But as she goes through her head all she can find is that she can’t remember the last time someone was proud of her.

That may have been the first time in either of her lives that anyone has ever told her so.

She takes a deep breath. She needs to stop being so weird about it. It was out of habit, a lapse in character. It’s not as if Jane actually meant anything by it; Catalina should stop thinking about it. Her heart should stop its longing, she’s a grown woman. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t have that kind of relationship with Jane, they’re still good friends. She doesn’t need Jane to feel that way about her.

God, she wishes that circle of thinking actually worked.

-

Jane worries. It’s something very known about her. If there was three things that signified Mom Friend to the group, it was her mom-like pride in her family, her hugs (which are soft,warm and inviting to all.), and her ability to inexplicably worry like no other.

Sometimes she frets over the other queens safety. Like when Kitty had wanted to go skydiving and brought Anna with her. Sometimes it’s at night time when she hears walking around. Although when that happens she can usually keep herself in bed if she hears more than one person up at a time. Today, she’s worried over if she’s just ruined her perfectly good friendship with Catalina.

She has so much respect for the woman, Jane would never intentionally cause her to feel uncomfortable. If only she’d just thought it through a bit more. Catalina clearly didn’t want the attention. But all Jane could think is that she was just so proud. Catalina’s been putting that off for so long now, Jane was so relieved to see it happen.

And now she’s alone, which doesn’t stop her worrying.

If anything being alone makes it worse, because now she’s overthinking what the woman's reaction could have possibly meant for them. Is she going to distance herself now? Will she be upset with Jane for accidentally being condescending? She would have every right to be indignant, Catherine of Aragon does not need to hear the praises of Jane, her former Lady In Waiting.

It’s been no more than thirty minutes since the others have left for the day, and Jane has already driven herself mad with anxiety. She tires to hum as she tidies the living room, only to feel herself becoming too impatient with the tasks. Then she attempted to watch TV, but ultimately could not focus. It seems today is a job for a bit of a more heavy duty distraction. Usually she’d work in the yard, but the hum of nature might hut more than help in the focusing department today. So, she picks up her most recent embroidery project and heads off to her bedroom.

She settles in, ready for a long day of avoiding her own thoughts. But the door downstairs opens, pulling her from her work immediately.

Who on earth could that be?

She opens her door and peers down the stairs, thankful that the location of her room allows her to see. Hopefully it’s not a burglar, Jane thinks she couldn’t handle that stress today. Not when she’d dealt with anxiety from yet another harrowing social interaction. Even with the queens, she finds a way to mess up. And they wonder why she’s an introvert.

The person who has entered their home starts coming up the stairs, and she sees. It’s only Catalina. Her heart slows in relief for a moment, before she remembers that Catalina is part of why she’s worrying. Then it shoots right back to the pace it was at before. Jane doesn’t close the door, she just makes eye contact with her and offers a smile.

“What happened with work?”

Catalina’s eyes flash an unfamiliar emotion before settling into a passive stare.

“Not feeling up to it today. I called out half way there.”

Now, usually Jane would rush to her fellow queens aid. But after this morning she doesn’t want to seem overbearing, so she stays rooted to her spot and keeps her tone even.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

-

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

If Catalina were anyone else, Jane would be running to help. She’d probably insist on calling a doctor and rush her to bed before even hearing what’s wrong. Then she’d endure the jokes at her expense for the overreaction.

But Catalina for some reason is not the same, so Jane does not act like that with her.

“No, I’m just going to lie down.”

Jane nods, and closes her door. Apparently not seeing the dejection emanating from the other woman’s very posture.

Catalina seriously just needs to make peace with the fact that she isn’t one of the others. She’s a part of the family, but she’ll never be in with them. If she made peace with this, maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much when the examples of her isolation are so plain to see.

Instead of continuing to sulk in front of Jane’s door like a child, Catalina goes to her bedroom to sulk in her own space.

-

Catalina’s home.

Catalina is home, and Jane is so sure now that she’s made things weird. They can hardly make eye contact with each other.

She sits back down and aggressively picks up her embroidery project. Focus, focus, focus, focus! Her mind drifts back and forth between her hands moving swiftly through a stitch and her possible damaged friendship with Catalina. She should apologize, she won’t be leaving to focus until she-

Jane is abruptly pulled out of her thoughts by a subtle knock on her door. She knows Catalina is the only other queen home, but she can’t help but think that the knock is similar to Kitty’s on a bad day.

“Come in.”

The door opens slightly, and the woman on the other side ones her head in, “Jane?”

“Yes?”

There’s a hesitation, which is probably because Jane has made things irrecoverably weird between them. But eventually after her mental deliberation Catalina steps all the way into the room and softly closes the door behind herself.

When she doesn't speak right away, Jane moves her stuff off of the bed and invites her to sit. After Cataina’s sitting, they both make an attempt to start the conversation.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable-“

“Thank you for saying you’re proud of me-“

They both stop and stare, wide eyed.

“What-“

“Why would you have made me-“

“I just thought-“

“No! Never, I-“

“We’ve just been such good friends-“

“Yes! And so that was nice to hear-“

Jane looks at Catalina, astounded. Had she really been happy about the praise? She says so, but she seemed so put off by it before.

“Then why did you react like it was wrong?” She questions.

She watches Catalina take a breath before providing her own explanation.

“It just caught me off guard is all. You don’t really tend to say things like that to me.”

“I mean, I never thought you’d need it.”

-

Catalina’s knee jerk reaction is to say she doesn’t. But then she stops herself. If this conversation is going to be productive at all, she needs to be honest.

“It’s nice to hear every once in a while, though.”

Jane looks surprised by the admission, as if Catalina has just told her a secret.

“I always thought it would make you uncomfortable.” She murmurs back, although now she sounds like she’s back in her head.

Catalina gulps, now or never.

“I’ve actually been wanting to hear it.” She admits before she can stifle herself.

The other woman is still absolutely shocked; and if at all possible, her eyes get wider.

“What?” Jane stammers out in disbelief. Catalina kind of wants the floor to open up and swallow her.

“Not to sound needy or anything!” She rushes. “It’s just that you say stuff like that to the others all of the time, and this is the first time you’ve said it to me! And so I got excited but I knew it was just you saying it out of habit so I didn’t respond.”

“-Well I would have said it more often to you if I’d known!”

“But you didn’t know-“

“I was trying to respect your boundaries-“

“I get that, nothing has to change either-“

“Hell yes it does!”

Now it’s Catalina’s turn to be wide eyed in surprise. She’s never heard Jane sound so indignant before.

“You’ve- what? Been thinking I’m just, not proud of you? This whole time?” There’s a sense of urgency in the defensive nature of her voice. She needs to know the answer to these questions. So Catalina answers truthfully.

“Well, yes? And you certainly don’t have to be. I’m a grown woman, I don’t need to hear that you’re proud of me all of the time.”

She didn’t realize she’d been looking away until Jane grabbed her arm. It’s a soft touch, reminiscent of the way she held it this morning. When she meets Jane’s eyes all she sees is warmth.

“Catalina, I am so, so proud of you. Every day.”

Catalina opens her mouth to protest, but Jane speaks again before she can.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been showing it properly. I thought that you’d be uncomfortable if I treated you the same as everyone else. I have too much respect for you to do that.”

Oh.

“I’ll say it more, now that I know you’re okay with it. Alright?”

Catalina can hardly nod, overcome with an indescribable emotion. All she knows is that she feels warm.

They lapse into a comfortable silence, enjoying each other's company. They are good friends after all. Enjoying being around each other is the basis of their friendship, actually.

“Hey, Jane?”

“Yes?”

“You know, calling out is really stressful.” She observes.

Jane’s eyes light up in recognition, “Ah, yes. What with them asking you questions and your phone anxiety. I imagine it’s very difficult for you.”

She nods bashfully, hopeful once again.

“Well, dear, I am very proud of you.”

[ifeveristoday]

I got out my DVDs for this rewatch (that’s not actually a big deal. I only have season 3 on DVD. 😂) so let’s get to it.

I forgot they did a cold open for this episode!

I know it’s for ambiance but man does Angel have a lot of candles displayed. Probably too ‘mainstream’ for his taste but the thought of Angel furtively going to a Bath and Bodyworks in the mall during their semi-annual sale and just buying out their whole candle selection gives me the purest joy. Let’s be real though, Angel would shop at some boutique/hole in the wall owned by a wizened old character with a twinkle in their eye and everything marked up 20%. Or it would be a steel and glass monstrosity with a collection labeled Candles for Men. That’s the range.

Back to the enormous fire hazard that this scene is -

Wait. Does fire burn on stone?

Shout out to the stunt doubles.

I think that Angel getting food for Buffy for a sort of alfresco picnic while training is really sweet, actually. Also, can't miss the opportunity for both carbs and phallic symbolism ala bread.

Everyone is so embarrassingly horny in this moment. I'd say get a room except they're in a whole giant mansion.

Always remember the bread! What did Angel do with the food after Buffy fled? Fed the no-doubt cursed pigeons that live in Sunnydale.

Thanks for the workout (insert stereotypical dirty laugh).

Oh yes, the awkward 'let's talk about your birthday without mentioning the last birthday you had at all because it's horrifying' chitchat. God, the anxiety Angel is radiating here and Buffy trying to smooth it over. You can't unfrost that trauma cake!

Angel, you utter dork. You're lucky Buffy finds you pretty. Very powerful himbo energy here. And it's nice to see some light-hearted flirting/banter between them.

How do you know when someone's aura's dirty? Buffy is only asking the reasonable questions everyone has.

Do you hear yourself, Giles. "I'm aware of your distaste in studying vibratory stones..." I can't imagine what that section of the Slayer handbook looks like. Are there pull-out charts?

Faith being conveniently gone for this episode. Boo, hiss.

That workout really did a number on Buffy. I see what you're doing with those crystals.

One of the sad parts of rewatching Buffy is that you just don't have the first time discovery feels of watching it - that magic is gone, but even though I know why Buffy's wobbling in her fight, the reveal is still upsetting. Thinking about how in Season 5, when she does get staked, just as she's questioning her powers - and here, where she's losing them.

Also, obvious observation is obvious - the sexual violence imagery is really, really blatant here - with the vampire crouched over her with the stake aimed toward her heart, just as she playfully staked Angel earlier in a more romantically set scene.

AND THEN THE THEME KICKS IN. Like, damn! Three minutes and you can pretty much tell what the plot is going to be - Buffy and Angel's UST is getting out of hand, Buffy's lone Rangering it, and something is wrong with her. And it's her birthday.

And Buffy's resourcefulness saves the day.

Perhaps you shouldn't be throwing knives in the library, Buffy.

Did they do a geography lesson on Cuernavaca? It's also just fun to say. Like La Cienega. Brief moment to ponder yet again about a show set in Southern California, actually shot in Southern California, with the huge Latine population we have and the Spanish-influenced names and culture and - getting sidetracked by all this casual 90s racism.

"We do it every year for my birthday," except your seventeenth, presumably because of the murderous ex-boyfriend stalking the town you live in and all your loved ones. [Or, he did take her and it was not shown on screen!] Sometimes I wonder if the continuity editors just go, you know, I'm going to let this one go for the 'emotion' and not just so years later, a Virgo with a deep-seated need to obsess over throwaway details will go into a thought spiral to make it make sense.

I think this is also the last time Hank Summers was spoken of with any real affection because then he was Deadbeat Dad for the remainder of the show. Oh, look. The Scoobies are surprised about the traditional birthday ice show that I'm going to nitpick about forever.

Oz is so supportive, and then the clunker of a 'deep' line of ice being cool because it's water then it's not. I do like the Whedonesque school of dialogue, but sometimes you gotta reel it back. I remember the dialogue on Dawson's Creek was getting pinged for the teenagers talking like grad students.

Quiet reflection. Oh you poor girl, you have no idea.

Quarterly projections - is a convincing filler phrase for when you don't need to know what the job is, because it's boring but sounds vaguely official. What does Hank actually do? Who cares! He's an asshole.

Sunnydale Arms, because of course, Sunnydale has a broken down abandoned murder hotel.

Quentin Travers. Boo. Hiss.

The scary music is very scary. Also one of the Council flunkies looks like a very young Vincent D'Onofrio.

This scene with them in the library is so bittersweet because Buffy is fishing for Giles's attention as a father figure substitute ("very sophisticated people go!" breaks my heart) and he pointedly is rejecting this for training talk.

Look for the flaw at its center. THE FLAW IS YOU GILES. YOU YOU YOU.

it's just so terrible, this scene because of how methodical and clinical it plays out. And Buffy is just not there, and then Giles smiles like nothing has happened.

Buffy makes it through another night - next day (another reason why this trial is so horrifying is that it takes place over several days - it's not on Buffy's birthday but leading up to it, so the idea of her getting weaker and weaker and unable to fight to make it to 18 in the first place) and it's time for the Cordelia has had enough of toxic masculinity scene!

Also, Willow blithely ignoring a person's feelings and treating Amy as just a rat is played for laughs and cuteness, but yeah...you can't treat people like puppets or rats [law and order sound]

I love Cordelia's coat. And also, while it does suck that she stood him up, he's not entitled to her time or attention and certainly not to threaten her. Go, Cordy! Fight like a girl! Yes! Pummel him into the hallway.

I also love Willow's outfit here because I think the colors are so complementary and warm and it's a cute outfit. Okay, the knit wooly hat is a bit too Blossom-esque, but whatever.

Buffy is tiny, we all know this, but I do think they purposefully dressed her in larger than her size coats in this episode to make her look even more tiny and vulnerable.

Giles is TOO BLASE for this scene also shut your mouth about throwing knives like a girl

"It's an archaic exercise in cruelty." SO WHY DID YOU GO ALONG WITH IT, BRAIN TRUST. (I am going to be very mean to Giles this whole rewatch, deal with it.)

"But I'm the one in the thick of it." No, you're not. You are going to be adjacent to it, at best.

Hey it's that guy!

Okay, in better lighting, flunkie does not look like Vincent D'Onofrio.

It's impossible to pin down one type of Vampire in the Whedonverse, except for the delineation between Grunt Bait Vampires, and Special Guest Star/Master vampires, but Kralik is the only other example of a vampire with mental illness besides Drusilla, yet he's medicated. Makes me wonder how exactly they got Kralik...he was a monster before he was a vampire, but who vamped him? I don't put it past the Watchers to have vampires created for this purpose.

Curse against lawyers!

Xander and Oz bonding over comic books is so fun. I regret they didn't really get closer until after Xander and Willow cheated because Oz was the one male friend Xander had.

They mentioned her birthday! Thinking about Buffy's love of poetry later on, this is a nice little detail, and it *is* a thoughtful, sweet gift. Also those poems: horny. Oh yes, maybe in a restrained way, but Elizabeth Barrett Browning knew what was up.

The Buffy and Angel relationship in season three is full of these starts and stops that I can see why and agree with others about how it's frustrating on a number of levels. They know why they can't be together, but they still try to find a common ground because they want to need the other one. They still have their identities to figure out - Buffy as the slayer and a young adult, Angel as a person, separate from Buffy and being Buffy's ex sort of maybe.

But this conversation in Helpless is genuinely sweet and a glimpse at what a normal couple at the crossroads would talk about - I think I'm also being soft on this because the other Important Male Figure in Buffy's life in this episode lets her down so spectacularly bad, that Angel being supportive and kind in his awkward way is a nice respite. It's good to be away from the angst and the horror that their relationship has had.

And the self-aware puncturing of the Moment between them is something Buffy does very well. "Taken literally, incredibly gross - I was just thinking that too". Look, it's cute and soft and I will allow it.

The horror of this episode (and there are so many) is that we have to watch Buffy become the helpless blonde in a slasher flick who is being chased by the monsters and she can't do anything about it - that she has to be rescued or die. That the real world with men catcalling and bystanders who ignore women's cries of distress is far scarier than the literal demons that inhabit the town - and Buffy brokenly saying she can't just be a person, she can't be helpless like that [like women are, still, today] is a gut punch. It's uncomfortable and unhappy because Buffy is supposed to be the hero, the [sigh] strong female lead who can kick ass and take names, and this episode is all about finding who Buffy is, separate from her super powers. Also an exercise in emotional torture, but must be Tuesday.

The physicality - the weakness that both Buffy and Giles display in this scene is so, so good. The way Buffy's hand trembles toward the needle in the case and the dawning realization of what Giles has done, has chosen to do - and he bloodlessly tells her what the Cruciamentum is.

Her tiny little "Liar."

GOD WHY DIDN'T SHE GET AN EMMY (rhetorical we all know genre tv only matters if it was Game of Rapey Thrones)

"You will be safe now, I promise you." LIAR.

Another puncturing a heavy moment - Cordelia as cavalry - I love it. Cordelia taking the most obvious approach to the situation - 'oh Buffy might have lost her memory, well he's Giles,'

I can't believe they robbed us of a conversation in the car scene with Cordy and Buffy.

Kralik had to have found a polaroid camera and a metallic sharpie for this whole scenario -- OH I KNOW WHO HE REMINDS ME OF. The Night Stalker and any number of serial killers that terrorized SoCal. Is the show being self-aware of the problem with mothers and parents in general?

Probably a glib accident.

I don't have much to say about the part where Buffy hunts Kralik because it's so masterfully done with the atmosphere and music.

Nice of Giles's backbone to enter the chat now.

This is not business. Ooo.

Buffy's "I thought I killed a man" emo overalls!

Like it's shadowy, but there's still enough light to see facial expressions. Lighting guy, I salute you.

Little red riding hood metaphor. Oh, that's so her stunt double.

CREEPY SEXUAL VIOLENCE REARS ITS DEFORMED HEAD AGAIN

Jump stair scare. I remember the first time I saw it, I jolted in the living room.

Serial Killer Shit. Why are vampires such drama queens?

THAT'S RIGHT, BUFFY DID THAT

The ending scene in the library is cathartic in that Buffy gets to stand up for herself finally, and recognizes what Giles gives up by helping her, delayed as it was, also there's the feeling of hate punching Quentin Travers via your eyes.

Still don't think she should have forgiven Giles so easily, but we don't get to see a lot of aftercare for Buffy when she gets hurt, and it is a very tender scene.

The Scoobies are being way too upbeat if they knew about the fact that Giles poisoned Buffy, which is why I'm assuming she told a very abbreviated version of events ending with Buffy killed the bad guy and Giles got fired, oops.

Xander's big strong man comment and then looking immediately to Willow to open the jar and not Oz...

I could watch this episode again with episode commentary from David Fury, but another day.

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Forty

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: TW - Mentions of past abuse! Angst. Fluff. Smut.

Masterpost (all previous parts can be found in the masterpost)

“It’s good to see you, Y/N. How was your trip to England?”

“It was incredible! Would you like to see some pictures?” You say to Dr. Mara

“Sure.” You show her a few. “That is incredible.” She squints at you. “You look a little tired.”

“Long couple of days. Went out drinking a few times. Harry and I, uh, had sex when we were in London.”

“Wow, how do you feel?”

“Great! I’m really happy we waited as long as we did, but I’m also really happy to be so close with him now.”

“Any flashes?”

“Yeah, during the first time. But it didn’t happen until the end…it was scary in the moment, but I was fine after.”

“How often have you been active since then?”

“Just about every day, sometimes it’s multiple times a day. It’s been fun.” You smile. “We’re really exploring each other. I’ve been feeling like my old self lately.”

“So…what’s getting at you today? Is it him living with you?”

“No, I love that we’re living together. That transition has been relatively smooth.” You look away then back to her. “He keeps bringing up doing me from behind.”

“Oh.” Her face falls.

“Yeah.”

“He doesn’t know that’s how…”

“No. And I can’t bring myself to explain it. He just wanted to have a conversation yesterday and I blew up at him. The day just got worse and I had a panic attack.”

“I’m so sorry dear.”

“I felt better this morning, but I know I hurt him last night too. I didn’t let him hold me while we slept.”

“You two usually hold each other?”

“We usually fall asleep cuddling in some fashion, yeah. We usually wake up that way too. I just didn’t want to be touched last night though, everything was running through my head.”

“That’s understandable.”

“I just can’t bring myself to do that yet, it seems stupid because we’re having sex now.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid. That’s a very vulnerable position to be in, regardless of what happened to you.”

“I know he’d be careful with me.” You look down at your hands. “I can tell he tries his hardest to hold back. I can tell he just wants to pound into me…I feel like when we’re doing it we’re not fully able to let go and be ourselves because we’re both afraid of something bad happening.”

“Would you prefer to have aggressive sex?”

“It’s not that I want it to be aggressive, but I would like to get to a point where I can tell him to fuck me, and he just fucks me! It doesn’t always need to be sweet, does it? I just want to be a normal fucking person!” Tears start to well up. You grab a tissue not wanting to mess your makeup up. You still had to go back to work after this.

“Y/N, no need to get worked up, alright? There is nothing wrong with you.” She smiles warmly at you. You take a deep breath.

“I feel like every step forward I take, it’s two steps back.” You look at her. “I’m gonna have to tell him, aren’t I?”

“You should only do what feels comfortable, but good communication can go a long way. I hope you know you have made a tremendous amount of progress, and you should be proud of yourself.” She looks down then back at you. “I’m going to propose something, but it’s entirely up to you.

“Alright.”

“If you get to a point where you want to tell him, but you’d like some extra support, I want you to know you can bring him here with you. But only if you feel comfortable with that.”

“Okay, I’ll, um, think about it.” 

//

You think over everything on your way back to work. You scarf down your lunch quick at your desk. You see a note, it was from Harry. Came to surprise you, but you were out. Hope you have a good day. I love you. You sigh and smile. You tuck the note inside your desk. You decide to print the photo of him kissing you on your cheek. You dig out another frame you had and put it in. You stick the photo next to the other one you had of him.

Niall knocks on your door. There was a project he needed to go over with you.

“Got it, I’ll get right on it.”

“Thanks.”

“Listen, I’m sorry I snapped earlier.”

“I shouldn’t have pried.”

“Harry stopped by.”

“Yeah, I saw him.” He makes a strange face. “I made him tell me what happened.”

“Niall! Jesus fucking Christ!”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.”

“And let me guess, you told him?” He blinks at you. “That wasn’t your information to give him!”

“I’m so sorry, I was upset with him for what he did, and-“

“You don’t need to be upset with him! You’re not the one fucking him, I am, okay? This doesn’t concern you!”

“Everything okay in here?” One of the older women pops her head in.

“Everything’s fine. Niall are we done here?”

“Yeah.” He gets ups and leaves. You wanted to slam your door shut, but you knew that would be unprofessional.

You didn’t say goodbye to him before you left for the day. You had never been so annoyed with Niall. He tried to catch you before you left, but he just missed you. You drove to the apartment fuming, but trying to calm yourself. Excited to see what the place actually looked like.

//

“M’girlfriend should be here any minute. She’s usually the early one.” Harry says to the realtor outside the apartment. “I know it’s cold, sorry.”

“Not a problem, sure there’s traffic.” Harry sees your car pull up, you find a parking spot, and get out.

“Hi, sorry.” You kiss Harry on the cheek. You look unpleasant. “I’m Y/N.” You shake the realtor’s hand.

“Shall we?”

You and Harry follow the man inside. It’s a really nice lobby. You can see all of the mailboxes on the wall.

“Wow, there’s a lobby attendant here?” You say.

“Yes. There are a lot of elderly folks here, it’s a peace of mind thing. There’s often a doorman as well. In fact there was an elderly couple in this place before, but they recently moved to Florida.”

You follow him into the elevator. The apartment is on the fifth floor. The realtor unlocks the door and guides you in. There’s a hallway, similar to the one you have now, only there was a beautiful hardwood floor, looked newly refinished. There was a coat closet. You both step further in and see a large living room.

“Harry look!” You point to a gas fireplace. “We could put the TV above the fireplace, and the sofa could go here.” You gesture. He smiles and nods.

“The kitchen is closed off, but over here would be a formal dining area.”

“Oh! I like the idea of that. Much easier for dinner parties.” You push through a door and go into the kitchen. Yours and Harry’s jaws drop.

There were granite countertops, new cabinets, and stainless steel appliances. There was a small island similar to yours.

“Plenty of room for both of us in here.” You look around a little. “Everything is so new.”

“Place was renovated after they moved out. They were here for over thirty years.”

“Wow!” You take Harry’s hand.

“Ready to see the rest?” You go back out to the living room. “Let’s start with the loft, just up the spiral staircase. This is where the bonus room is.”

The three of you carefully go up the staircase. You and Harry walk around the small area. It could easily fit both of your desks and all of his equipment.

“Harry you could almost make this your studio if you wanted.”

“You’d be okay with having clients come here?”

“Sure, why not?” You shrug.

The three of you go back down the stairs, and go down a hallway.

“So here’s the hall bath, it’s a full bath that has jack and jill doors for the guest room.”

“It’s a great size, glad it’s a tub shower.” You both check out the guest room. It could easily fit Harry’s bed and other bedroom furniture.

“And here’s the master.” The realtor opens the door for you.

“Holy shit!” You exclaim. “Pardon me.” You giggle. Your eyes grow wider with every step you take.

The room was absolutely huge. There were two closets so you and Harry wouldn’t have to share anymore. You could easily fit a king sized bed down the road if you both wanted. The ensuite bathroom had a beautiful tile on the floor.

“Harry look, two sinks!” You say excitedly. Your jaw drops again when you see the shower. “It’s just like the one in London!”

“Yeah, no kidding. And there’s still a tub in here too, that’s good.”

“Oh I love it.”

“Why don’t you take a few minutes to chat in here, I’ll be in the kitchen.” The realtor leaves.

“What do you think? You’ve been quiet.”

“Just takin’ it all in. It’s a great place.”

“It’s incredible! I could really see us living here babe.” You smile at him.

“Me too. Seems like a great fit for us. That loft alone would be a big help.”

“What do you think, should we put an application in?”

“I think we should.” You hug him excitedly.

You meet the realtor in the kitchen, and tell him you’d like to apply. He gives you a form and a pen.

“Has anyone else inquired?” Harry asks as you fill out your portion.

“Not yet. You two found this place at a good time, not many people willing to move in the middle of the winter.”

“Here Harry.” You hand him the paper and pen. “So how long will it be until we know?”

“Well, the landlord will want to do a credit check and all that. In the meantime, make sure you have first, last, and the security deposit ready to go.” You nod along. “Should be able to tell you in a couple of weeks most likely.”

“Here you are.” Harry hands him the finished paperwork.

“Wonderful, thank you both so much.”

“Thank you!” You say.

“I’ll walk you both out.”

The three of reach the street. You both shake his hand again, and go to your separate cars. You can’t wait to get out of your work clothes when you get home.

“Want some of the leftover curry f’dinner? I can heat it up.”

“Sure.” You say walking into the bedroom. You come back out wearing pajama pants and a sweatshirt. Harry hands you a bowl, and you sit down at the island. “Thanks babe.”

He sits down next to you. You both exchange small talk while you eat.

“Did you see I stopped by today?”

“Yeah.” You smile. “That was nice of you.”

“How was Dr. Mara?”

“Good, it was a good session. I really shouldn’t go during my lunch, I was sort of worked up today, but she helped me.” Your phone starts to buzz. It’s Niall calling. You roll your eyes.

“You’re not going to answer?”

“No, I’m mad at him.”

“Why?” You drop your fork and look at him.

“You know why.” Harry bites his bottom lip. “I know he told you, because he told me he told you. It wasn’t his information to give out.” Harry goes to open his mouth. “And I’m not ready to talk about it yet. I know we need to, but I just can’t right now.” There’s a knock at your door. “That son of a bitch. I don’t want to see him right now.”

Harry gets up and opens the door, it was Niall. He blocks him from going further into the front hall.

“Would ya let me in?”

“She said she didn’t want to see you. Surprisingly enough, she doesn’t seem mad at me anymore, so I’d like to not rock the boat.”

“You’re wrong, I am still mad at you, but I’m choosing to let it go because you didn’t understand fully what was happening.” You say with arms crossed leaning against the wall. “Why are you here?” You squint at Niall.

“I tried to talk to you before you left, but I missed you.”

“Had an apartment to look at.”

“How was it?” You scoff. “Y/N, I’m really sorry okay?”

“You do this all the time! You tell other people things about me because you’re trying to protect me or some shit. It’s enough! I get it you two are best friends, but he’s my boyfriend, and I get to choose what information about my life he gets to know.”

“I’m your best friend too.” His eyes start to tear up. So do yours. “I love you Y/N, I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“I love you too Niall, but you two can’t run to each other every time one of us is upset about something. You need to let him and I work through whatever it is. Or if we want to talk to you about it, let us come to you, don’t pry for the gossip.” Harry’s a little taken back at how loosely the two of you just threw around I love yous. He wonders when you two first said that to each other.

“I’m sorry, I just got upset when he told me what he said, and I thought back to that day I came to your place and you…” He was full on crying and so were you. You walk over to him and you throw your arms around each other. Harry stands there awkwardly. “I can’t bare the thought of you bein’ mad at me.” He whispers.

“When it comes to what happened to me, can you just…not?” You look at him and he nods. “Okay, thank you.” You let go of him.

“Are we okay?”

“Yeah.” You smile and wipe your face.

“Don’t be too hard on the lad, he means well.” You look over at Harry and roll your eyes. You decide you’re going to start doing it even more because you know it annoys him.

“Mhm.”

“Well…I’ll get goin’. I just came by to make things better. I’ll see ya tomorrow.” You hug again. “See ya mate.”

“Bye.” Harry waves him off. You look at your boyfriend and roll your eyes again. He follows you back to the kitchen. You both sit back down to finish eating. “You’ve certainly gotten into a habit of doin’ that.”

“Doing what?”

“Rollin’ your bloody eyes at me.”

“My bloody eyes.” You mimic his accent and laugh. “I really don’t notice when I’m doing it.”

“Highly doubt that, love.” He sighs. “Are ya still mad at me, really? I feel terrible about everything. I really am sorry for upsetting you.”

“I just want you to listen to me when I say I don’t want to talk about something, okay?”

“I will.”

“I don’t want you to be afraid to talk to me about things, but I thought after the first two times I said no you would’ve gotten the hint.”

“I’m sorry, I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not.” You put a hand over his. “I know it’s, um, a really nice way to have sex, I just am not in a place where I feel safe doing it that way. And it’s not that I don’t feel safe with you…I just need to be able to look at you while we’re doing it. I don’t know where my mind will wander if I can’t see you.”

“Alright, makes sense.” He rubs his thumb over the top of your hand.

“What do you say we crack open that oat milk ice cream we got?”

“I hope it tastes good.” He chuckles.

“It’s cookies and cream flavor, bet it’ll be great.” You grab the carton out of the freezer and grab two spoons while Harry cleans up the bowls from dinner. You gesture to have him follow you to the couch.

You grab the remote and turn Chopped on. You loved Tuesdays on the Food Network. You both dig in to the ice cream.

“Mm, this is good.”

“Yeah! I’m surprised, honestly.” Harry says. “You know what’s crazy, we just put an application in for our very own place.”

“I’m so excited, I loved that place so much. There was so much space.”

“Yeah, I like that there’s some room to grow if need be.” He says looking at the TV. You choke on your ice cream. “Jesus, you alright?” He rubs your back as you swallow.

“What do you mean room to grow?” He blinks at you. He realizes he said an inside thought out loud.

“Um…just like if we got a dog down the line.” You squint at him, you knew he wasn’t being entirely truthful. “Plenty of room for a small dog to scamp around.”

It wasn’t like you hadn’t thought about having kids some day, but you were only twenty-four. You were in no rush to care for a baby when you could barely take care of yourself. You knew Harry loved babies, but it was way too soon to start talking about any of that. Was it something he was already thinking about?

“Right, that’s what I thought you meant.” You turn your attention back to the TV.

“I love you.” He says.

“I love you too.” You nudge him. He puts an arm around you.

“Fuckin’ Ted.” He points his spoon at the TV. “He’s always gettin’ in the way! They only have twenty minutes mate!” You laugh hysterically. “It’s true!”

“I know! That’s why it’s so funny.” You take another bite of ice cream. “And that idiot over there doesn’t know how to properly grill pork, it’s gonna be dry.”

“Should’ve ground it up and fried it into fritters or something.”

“I agree.” You snuggle into him.

“M’gonna put this away, alright?” You nod. He puts the carton back in the freezer and gets back on the couch. “Would you lay on me?”

“Mhm.” You smile.

He lays on his back, head resting against the arm rest, you lay your head on his stomach, and lay your body between his legs. One hand laces in your hair, and rubs your scalp gently, the other hand rests on your back. He felt so happy to have your weight on him. He missed you so much last night.

“I missed you last night.” He says quietly. You look up at him. “Never gonna make ya that mad at me again, I swear.” You prop yourself up and kiss him.

“Wanna go make up?” You give him your bedroom eyes, and he picks you up immediately.

He turns the TV off, and carries you into the bedroom. You giggle when you sets you down and yanks your sweatshirt up of your head. His head goes right between your breasts, planting kisses where he sees fit. His mouth wraps around one of your nipples and your head rolls back. He twists your piercing with his teeth and you groan. He lifts you slightly and puts you on the bed. He leans up and takes his shirt off. Your hands trace over the butterfly. His skin was hypnotic. He pulls your pants down, and parts your legs. He kisses you, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth, then lets it go as he kisses down your neck, chest, and stomach. He sinks his teeth into your lower stomach and leaves a pretty decent bruise behind.

His mouth finds your clit next. Your hips buck up at the contact. His tongue flicks it a few times before he nibbles on you. Your hands go for his hair as you get lost in the feeling. His thumb replaces his mouth, and his tongue licks a stripe up your center. He hear him moan while he licks all around you. His tongue goes up inside you and you let out a moan of his name. You tasted amazing. Harry felt like he had been neglecting this side of things since you had started actually having sex. He could kick himself, why on earth would he deprive either of you of this?

“Harry.” You grind against his tongue. “Please fuck me.”

“Not yet.” He says bringing his mouth back to your clit, and inserting his middle finger in you. You pull hard on his hair. You want to clamp your legs together, but he uses his other hand to keep you spread apart.

His fingers curl up, and makes that come here motion deep inside you. Your head falls back into the pillow. You loved the way his tongue worked over your clit as his fingers hit that special spot inside.

“Shit, Harry.” Your back starts arching. “Harry.” You mean. “Harry!” You come all over his fingers, and your back arches completely off the bed. He slowly pumps in and out of you as you grind against him, riding out your high. “Fuck.” You say breathlessly.

He sits up and takes his own pants and boxers off. Dick throbbing and leaking for you. You grab at him, and rub your thumb over his leaking tip. You move him to lay down, and shuffle between his legs. You wrap your lips around his tip. You wanted to return the favor. His hips push up, and you take more of him into your warm mouth. You let go of him with a popping noise.

“Love the way you taste babe.” You say.

He grabs you and puts you back on your back. He grabs your legs and wraps them around his waist. He kisses you, sticking his tongue in your mouth as he pushes into you. He swallows your gasp.

“So fuckin tight, angel. Feels amazing.” He says into your neck before sucking the skin into his mouth.

“Love the way you fill me up, Harry.” He wasn’t going to last long with the way you were talking. “Don’t you think I should be on top?” You say into his ear. He leans up to look at you. “I mean, I think you should be teased a little for being so bad.”

“That so?” He smirks.

“Mhm.”

He rolls you both over so you’re on top of him.

“Don’t move until I say.” You grip the headboard, and slowly grind up and down on him. His hands slide up and down your thighs as he watches you ride him. His fingers dig into your hips, trying his best not to just thrust up into you. “Feels so good.” You say throwing your head back. You dip your hand down and rub your clit as you continue to grind against him slowly.

“Fuck, Y/N, please let me move.”

“Not yet.” You two had a habit of using your previous words against each other. Your breathing got faster as you could feel yourself getting close. You bite your bottom lip and close your eyes. “Shit.” You moan. You keep grinding against him, and look down with a smirk. “Alright, go ahead.”

Harry grips your ass and thrusts up into you causing you to gasp. You lean down on him and clutch at his shoulders as he fucks you. All of a sudden you’re on your back again, and the sound of skin slapping skin fills the air. He lifts one of your legs over his shoulder. He grinds into you and you moan loudly.

“You like that?” He smirks.

“Mhm.”

He fucks you like this for a few minutes, then drops your leg and comes down closer to you, crashing his lips to yours. You rake your nails down his stomach. His hands knead your breasts, one sliding up to your throat. Only lightly adding pressure like the other night.

“Just wanna remind ya of somethin’.” He says into your ear, nipping at your lobe. “You can take control whenever ya want.” His other hand reaches down for your clit and pinches it. Your back arches up in response. “But I’m the one in charge.”

He rubs on you quickly as he thrusts so deep tears come to your eyes. Between that and his words in your ear, you knew you’d be close again soon. He feels you tighten around him and your legs shake. You were sensitive now, but he didn’t let up.

“Fuck, Harry!”

“That’s it baby girl, come for me.” Your toes curl and your nails dig into his back, sure to leave marks. He groans into your neck.

“Fuck.” You say as your body goes limp around him.

He keeps going in and out of you, and you fully wrap your legs around him. He’s propped up with one arm, and his other reaches for your hand, you intertwine you’re your fingers. He brings it to the side your head. It was such a small act, but it turned you on so much.

“Fuck, I love you so much.” He says into your ear.

“I love you too. I love the way you make me feel, inside and out.” He nips at your jaw.

His thrusts start to get sloppier and quicker. He’s coming to his own release. You hear him moan your name a few times as he shoots up inside you. He collapses on top of you. You plant kisses to his forehead and run your hands through his sweaty hair.

He pulls out of you slowly and you wince from your sensitivity. You get up slowly and use the bathroom.

“Oh wow.” You say to yourself.

You didn’t realize how hard he had fucked you. You brush your teeth and wash your face. You smile at him as you open the door. He goes in to do his thing. You put on the t-shirt he had been wearing earlier, wanting to be fully encompassed with his scent. You crawl into bed, and scroll on your phone. He comes out a few minutes later.

“Shit, it’s late.” He says looking at the clock.

“S’only 10:30.”

“We’re usually in bed by now.” He chuckles. “When did we get so old?”

“Nothing about what we just did makes me feel old, speak for yourself grandpa.” He pretends to be offended.

“If I’m grandpa what do you think that makes you?”

“The young girlfriend that your kids tell you to dump because I’m only after your money.”

“I knew it!” You both giggle. “C’mere, love.” He opens his arms for you, and you lay on his chest. He sighs happily, playing with your hair.

“Mm, I love when you do that, feels so nice.” You close your eyes and listen to his gentle heartbeat.

//

You absolutely do not want to get up when you hear your alarm go off. Nor could you because Harry somehow had rolled on top of your body. You were starting to think you needed to set up a camera in the room just to see what he does in his sleep. You were a sweaty mess and you needed to shower. You turn your alarm off, and rub your eyes. You try to move, careful not wake him, but Harry’s hands grip at your sides.

“Five more minutes.” He says into your chest. You giggle.

“I have to shower.”

“But you’re soooo cozy.” He whines. You run your hands through his hair.

“Babe, please let me get up.” You coo.

“Can I shower with you?”

“Yes, but I can’t be in there long.”

He lets you up, and you throw your hair up into a bun on the top of your head. You didn’t have the energy to wash it. It was still pretty fresh from the salon. Harry was a sleepy boy this morning. He mostly just kept his arms around you while you washed yourself. You washed his back and chest for him. He woke up a little while you scrubbed his head for him. He kisses you before you both get out.

You throw a simple dress and boots on. You decide to keep your hair up in a bun, but you adjust it so it looks a little nicer, pulling some pieces out to frame your face. You put on some makeup, and grab a scarf to cover your neck with. You pack your gym bag as well before going out to see Harry in the kitchen making smoothies.

“Thank you sweetie.”

“Sure thing.”

“M’going to the gym after work. I’ll probably be home around six.”

“Okay, I might be home later than that. Gotta lot to do today.”

“Alright, I can make something for dinner then.” You smile and kiss him on the cheek. He grabs your wrist as you turn around. “What?”

“S’all I get for a goodbye kiss?” You giggle and press yourself against him. You give him a good kiss. “Mm, thank you.” He hums. “Can I come see ya at lunch today?”

“Sure! I’d love that.”

“Have a good day, love.”

“You too.” You grab your lunch out of the fridge, throw your coat on, and head out the door.

//

A coffee is waiting for you on your desk when you get there. You grab it and go down the hall to thank Niall.

“Good morning.” You say to him.

“Hey there.” He smiles at you. “You’ve been wearin’ a lot scarves lately.” He smirks.

“Yeah…it’s the only thing that covers these up.” You move it to the side to show him.

“Jesus. Doesn’t that hurt?”

“Sometimes.” You shrug. “But, not in a bad way.” You blush slightly.

“You two work everythin’ out?”

“Mhm…I still haven’t explained everything, but I told him when I felt ready I’d tell him.”

“Good. Sorry again.”

“Don’t mention it. Let’s move on.” You smile.

“Tell me about the apartment.”

“It’s beautiful! Gigantic too. We put an application in.”

“That’s great!”

“Yup, you know you and I need to plan a night for the two of us to get together. I haven’t even been able to tell you everything about England yet.” He frowns.

“I…don’t know if I can do that.”

“Why not?” You sit down. He sighs and looks at you.

“Well, on top of everything else last night, Sarah got mad at me.”

“About what?”

“I was like thirty minutes late to our plans…which were at my place.”

“Why were you late?”

“Because I wanted to make things right with you. She was pissed because she sat out waiting in her car because I haven’t given her a key or anythin’. She wasn’t thrilled when I told her I was at your place.” You roll your eyes. You knew Sarah had a tendency to get jealous, and make mountains out of mole hills. “She doesn’t really want me hanging out alone anymore. Says we have plenty of alone time at work.”

“What?! That’s ridiculous Niall. This.” You gesture between the two of you. “Is completely different than getting to hang outside of work.” You take a sip of your coffee. “So she’s basically telling you that you can’t be friends with me anymore?”

“I don’t know…but I don’t wanna rock the boat. I really like her, it’s been a while since I felt this way about someone.”

“Do you two love each other?”

“I’ve fallen for her yeah.”

“Do you think she’s the one?”

“Why are you askin’ me somethin’ like that?”

“Because it seems pretty fucking stupid to stop being friends with someone for a person you’re not even in love with.”

“Not everyone moves as fast as you and Harry you know? She could be the one. And I’m not stoppin’ bein’ friends with ya, we just need to lay low for a bit, til she cools off.”

“Fuck that.”

“You can’t say anythin’ t’her or she’ll get mad at me.”

“Niall, I fucking introduced the two of you, she’s not going to get away with this.” You groan. “Why does this always happen to me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Anytime I have a guy friend their girlfriends always end up telling them to stop talking to me. It happened to me all the time in high school.”

“She didn’t tell me I couldn’t talk to you, she just doesn’t want me hanging out with you one on one for a while. And I wasn’t really in a position to justify anythin’. I wanna keep seein’ where this goes with her.”

You roll your eyes and sigh.

“I’m going to start the day, thanks for the coffee.”

//

Harry showed up for lunch just like he said he would. You hear a knock on the outside of your door.

“Hey you!” You say excitedly. “C’mon in, close the door.” You get up and greet him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“Need t’heat this up love.”

“Oh! You’re right. I’ll go bring these to the break room for us, hang tight.”

You leave to go to the break room. You see Niall sitting, waiting for you.

“Sorry, I forgot to mention Harry came for lunch. Probably shouldn’t eat together anyways.” You say putting your food in the microwave.

“Jesus, is this how it’s gonna be?”

“Not until you set her straight. If you don’t I will.”

“But what if she-“

“Niall, if this is something you two break up over, then it wasn’t meant to be. Harry doesn’t have a problem with us being friends, why should she?” He sighs. “You know I’m right.”

“Yeah, I know.” You put your hand on his shoulder, then leave with the food.

You go back into your office, and close the door behind you. You sit next to Harry and hand him his food.

“How’s your day so far baby?” You ask him.

“Good, busy already. Happy I could break away to see ya.”

“Me too.”

“This is such a good lunch, thanks again for makin’ it f’me.”

“You’re welcome my love.” His heart flutters.

“Come sit with me.” You giggle and sit on his lap.

“This is all the affection I can show you in here.” You coo.

“I know, just wanna feel ya on me.” He nuzzles into your chest. You stroke your hands through his hair.

You loved when he was like this. Just your cuddly boy.

[asotin]

what're your thoughts on castlevania (the netflix show, not the game, ive never played the game) what do you like, what don't you like? make it as long as you want. i don't care if i have to scroll for 5 minutes. go feral (personally trevor is extremely hot and i would like to date sypha. i'm not really into alucard's whole sickly victorian child aesthetic, yknow?)

oh god this is way too long, but you did say to make it as long as i want, and i have a lot of thoughts that i need to inflict on the world

i played two castlevania games, both from the nintendo gameboy era, so please don’t get mad at me, gamers

details below the cut, but since i’ll be talking about season three, i need to preface this with content warnings for mentions of: graphic violence, rape and sexual violence, racism, and the holocaust

before i get into it, i usually don’t go for alucard-type characters either, but knowing that he was redesigned to be bishounen sexy specifically because the boring, middle aged man look he originally had in the games wasn’t appealing makes me enjoy him. and he’s fun with trevor and sypha

do like:

the voice acting

it’s all good. i can’t think of any characters whose voices were awkward or fit poorly. they don't make sypha’s va use the standard flat affect or false high voice women tend to be assigned, trevor sounds suitably worn out but not monotone, and alucard sounds exhausted but in a sexy way

and the spanish dub is killer, arguably superior

the animation & design

it isn’t full-on artsy, but it’s definitely got a distinctive style that’s easy to look at. the color use and effects are gorgeous. it’s a story set in the medieval era, and the mixture of desaturated and oversaturated elements works so well with that

dracula’s castle and the belmont bunker aren't revolutionary in design, but they didn't need to be. they're suitably creepy and empty, and i enjoyed them

the monsters were unique enough to have obvious different types, and the scene where a monster commits blasphemy in a church by accusing a priest of committing blasphemy was good writing

lisa

she shows up to a stranger’s spooky home and scolds him for being rude. she really looked an ancient vampire in the face, told him he had no manners, then had a kid with him. what a phenomenal woman. 11/10, no notes

“start with me, and i’ll start with you.” you know what? i’d fall in love, too

dracula

this ancient, unfriendly vampire let a human woman walk into his home and tell him he’s got no manners. and that made him fall in love with her. just like that. lisa walked in and handed him his ass, and dracula thought “oh i love her”. and when she was killed (more on this in the bad section), he raised literal hell to destroy the world for doing it

speaking of lisa being killed, it fucks me up that it happened because she convinced him to leave the castle and experience the world. he left her alone to see what she loved so much, only to come back and find that the people he’d come to like- the people lisa had loved so much it drove her to help in a way that got her killed- had burned her at the stake. i love a good tragedy, and that’s good tragedy

the way he weeps when he has to fight alucard?? during a showdown in their home?? the “i must already be dead” moment in alucard’s childhood bedroom??? when he speaks to lisa about killing their boy, her greatest gift to him??? poetic cinema.

the trio’s dynamic

three bisexuals with two total brain cells and only alucard bothers using them. incredible

i went so hard for this ot3. it's right there and so good

sypha

she initially seems to be assigned the role of the adult™️ ie she's the only woman and gets stuck being responsible, but surprise! she’s just as annoying and dumb as alucard and trevor. she dropped a castle she didn’t understand on the ground and didn’t think too hard about it. then she argued about breaking it. i love her

if we don’t get an ot3, then she needs to have a dumb gf

alucard

he's got a stupidly low neckline and lower pants. they really leaned into ayami kojima’s redesign, as they should have. his little curl annoys me, though. why the fuck does he have a random section of hair that’s like three inches long when the rest is shoulder length or longer? love that he really looks like lisa

if you say he's canonically bisexual and polyamorous, no he isn't. yes he is. no he isn't :)

trevor

disgusting. a nasty man whose appearance mirrors his state of mind. he's 50 mental illnesses in a dirty jacket and his coping mechanism is… alcohol? maybe? he’s a mess, and i dig it

him trying his trick of kneeing alucard in the balls during their fight? and finding out it doesn't work? (which…… why doesn't it……?) juvenile but suitable

hector

his love of animals makes him my favorite. normally, i won’t touch anything with this much animal death, but i’m willing to set that aside because hector loves them so much. he’s so sweet and kind, and he loves his monster pets

yes he sided with dracula and has some really fucked up ideas about what constitutes humane treatment of people, and yet i love him. 11/10, but i have a lot of notes

isaac

i support him, including his murdering and his decision to support dracula. dracula throwing him out of the castle to save him was so cruel in that it was an attempt at kindness from a man who hated the whole world, but it was against isaac’s wishes

his time with the captain was great

idk enough about islam to know if he's portrayed correctly and haven’t seen any complaints, but given the show’s track record……… i wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not great

the forging

very cool. fresh and interesting! hector creating pet friends is cute and heartbreaking. love isaac for his dedication to reducing, reusing, and recycling

season 2’s big battle with all those vampires

the new version of “bloody tears” is phenomenal

this goes back to the animation, but listen……. it's so good. i loved the smoke vampire, and alucard’s fluid wolf transformations. his flying sword looked really good, and incorporating them together? super good to watch. and trevor’s whip?

the type and level of violence are suitable for what it is. it would be weird for a gritty show like this to be bloodless, but i don't think it would work if it were bloody to the extent of a slasher. it's also more clean violence, if that makes sense. you don’t linger just to look at gore; you see it because stabbing someone spills blood. the games weren't about extended, gritty scenes of realistic murder, so the show sticking with quick, slice and dice type fights fit with what i remembered of them

please watch this fight if you don’t remember it or haven’t seen it (part 1, part 2)

trevor’s whips

trevor’s weapons don’t follow the physics of normal whips, and they shouldn't. they’re heavily stylized and clearly a fantasy weapon, but they still have rules that they (mostly) have to obey. his morning star-whip hybrid in particular is so good 

it’s easy to follow, too. a lot of times, speedy weapons disappear, which is an understandable effect but one i find boring because there’s nothing for me to do. i’m just sitting on my ass with nothing to do

trevor’s whips don’t disappear. they’re fast, but you can always see them. and they have weight! you can see them slow down and gain speed. i don’t need physics to be real; i want movement to be pleasing, and that’s exactly what i get with the whips

don’t like:

fridging lisa

she could have been kidnapped (possibly make dracula think she was dead bc people want to lure out her scary demon husband, idk), then s2 could have ended with her and dracula reuniting as he died. she and alucard go on a trip together to attempt to make amends for the pain dracula wrought in lisa’s name. orrrr she dies a tragic death with him and we’re left to hope that they find each other in the afterlife. do vampires get to go to the afterlife? can alucard reintegrate? can he be happy with his new friends? or will he go back to his crypt and sleep again? will he ever be rediscovered? if so, what will he do? deep questions. i would prefer to cogitate on these instead of experiencing the shitshow that is s3

season 3

they should have ended it with dracula’s death. the quality of storytelling goes down immediately. just plummets. i’m sure there were problems in the first two seasons, but this one is so bad, i genuinely can’t remember

but i may as well get specific, so here we go:

abandoning alucard

trevor and sypha leave their friend alone in his childhood home where he just killed his father. where they helped him kill his father who, as i’ve said too many times, raised literal hell to get revenge for people burning alucard’s mother to death

yt they don’t talk about alucard. they don’t make any plans to touch base ever again. trevor’s entire family got killed. sypha’s culture, from which she’s now estranged, is family-centric. if ever two people should give a shit about alucard and know why alucard shouldn’t be left on his own, it's them

so what the hell is going on?

trevor and sypha’s relationship

look. it could be good. it would be better with alucard but they could be together and it could work fine

but this……….

trevor hates what they're doing. he hates traveling around and fighting. he's clearly tired and deeply depressed

sypha not only doesn't care enough to address it (did they forget the first two seasons?? sypha is annoying partly because she doesn't stop poking people) she might not even notice? yes, she's having fun, but trevor is basically dead on his feet in front of her

racism

hector, sumi, and taka all got done dirty 

sumi and taka

i hate the way they died. i hate that i’m certain that the plot won’t bring japan back into the narrative (or if it does, i don’t trust it not to be shitty). i hate the fact that by killing them off, i’m not going to get any more of them. they were interesting!!

speaking of the japanese vampire: the biphobia, arguably, given what happens with alucard

the addition of sexual violence

i don’t need or want lenore. if all she’d done was manipulate hector, i could have lived with that. she’s a villain, so she does bad things. that’s the point. but what she did was a massive escalation. we hadn’t had any sexual violence, and then the last few episodes gave us 

tumblr feminists who love her for how she treated hector need to be quarantined until their brain worms have been cured

everything that happens to hector

what was this shit? why did i open my netflix app and tap castlevania and find them making this man walk around naked in the cold to torture him? and starving him? he got manipulated, degraded, chained up, collared like an animal, and raped. and why? to show us how bad lenore is? that the other vampires are bad because they let her do it? i didn’t sign up for this

the holocaust reference

the imagery at the end of s3 when it’s revealed that the judge has been killing people he’s decided are undeserving to live and collecting their shoes in that barn was chillingly close to images of shoes taken from victims of the holocaust. there's no reason to invoke the holocaust here. it’s unnecessary and in bad taste

[darkpoisonouslove]

Winx Club Season 3 Thoughts (4kids) Part 1

(This began about half a year ago and I have only picked it back up recently. I haven’t changed anything from the thoughts I had back then. Also this covers the episodes up to 3x13.)

Okay... I have finally reached this point. I’ve been dying to watch season 3 for the last, like, 4 months and I had to put so much willpower into restraining myself so that I could rewatch the whole series properly. And now that I am finally here, I am nearly shaking with excitement because yessssss! It’s finally time for Enchantix and Valtor. I am filled with glorious anticipation (though, also a bit wary since I do not like the resolution of this season’s arc from what I remember) and so ready to dive in. Here we go:

3x01:

- Oh, damn! Summer vacation hasn’t even started yet? Wow, um, okay, I guess. I need to update my timeline a little bit.

- Seriously, there is Bloom and Sky drama and they won’t even tell us what it’s about? You’re just gonna shoehorn more stupidity in this just for the sake of it? Why am I even surprised?

- Damn, Layla absolutely killed those moves! Well, before Kiko fell on her and they all fell to the ground but that’s another thing. That was some next level coordination and acrobatic skills. I can only watch in awe and wish I had even a tenth of that.

- Why did Stella think she wouldn’t have a Princess Ball? I hope she doesn’t think that her parents think she’s a failure as a princess. And aww, poor baby. She’ll be so sad when she learns that her father is getting married to Cassandra instead of getting back with her mother.

- Seriously, what idiot looked at the Trix and went “Ah, yes! Let’s send Icy, the witch of ice, in a dimension of ice. She’ll be all contained there. Absolutely guaranteed. 100%.” Will you people wake the fuck up, wake your brains and start thinking for real ‘cause you’re definitely not doing that now. Also, let me just say that that was a big leap from Lightrock monastery (or whatever the hell it was) to the Omega dimension. I guess going after the ultimate power is much worse than the Army of Decay. That or the writers have no concept of how to make the punishment fit the crime.

- Poor Darcy and Stormy. They don’t seem to be handling the cold very well. Also, something about Stormy’s line that they’re probably talked about at Cloud Tower is really clawing at my mind but I can’t quite put my finger on it yet. It just sounds like... like she’s not really doing that for the power rather than for the attention and recognition which just starts all sorts of thoughts in my head and none of them lead to anything good, They all make me feel bad for the Trix, though.

- I’ve been dreading the whole thing with Chimera but that scene in the pizza place wasn’t so bad. And Winx tried to be friendly. But Tecna’s “Snap” was hilarious. The girl isn’t taking shit from anyone. I like. XD

- I am not really a fan of the dresses they were trying on but I like the idea of a magical thingy that changes the clothes for you instead of you having to do it manually. Can we get those, please? (Chimera’s “Later, losers” really reminded me of Mandy from Totally Spies btw.)

- Stormy and Darcy aren’t quite handling the ice skating. Also, damn, that snake froze Stormy’s magical beam. That is... freaky... and scary. It looks like they’re in a bit of a pickle.

- And here is where the timeline doesn’t make sense. If Marion and Oritel trapped Valtor in Omega before they proceeded to battle the Ancestral Witches, then how does he have a plaque with his name and sentence on it? That doesn’t make sense. Who had time to sentence him? Unless I got something wrong, then this is not legit.

(- Let’s make one thing perfectly clear. I will never refer to Valtor as “Baltor” or to Marion as “Miriam”. It is just not going to happen.)

- “Frozen dude” I can’t. XD That was kinda a good plan the Trix had there, though if Valtor weren’t so powerful, it wouldn’t have worked because the snakes would’ve killed him and then them as well. But hey, they’re in luck because...

- Holy shit, look at those powers! He totally destroyed the snakes before even working out the kinks from his shoulders. I love the blue color of his magic. I think it makes sense. I am so done with the show not addressing how shitty it must be to be trapped and completely still AND frozen for seventeen years. Instead they just threw in a line about it that only made him look more evil and I will be forever mad about this, thanks. (Can I at least hope that the Trix learned a bit from the whole Darkar experience? Probably not but Icy’s line about Valtor not giving them orders is still giving me hope that will only disappoint me later. (Also, Valtor seems very contained here considering all the rage he has later on. At least he starts out looking more normal.))

- Awww, those puppies were really cute! And Stella and Bloom were so quick to the rescue! That was really sweet! (What the hell was up with Chimera’s powers, though?)

- Oh, I loved Icy’s idea with the snake. It was so clever. And Valtor is already at it with the possession of mermaids. A true demon indeed. I love him.

- I actually like Stella’s pink dress more than the red one. Also, I like Musa’s long hair but it is very weird to me after I just saw her with the short hair, like, five minutes ago.

- Yeah, Sky’s there. Great! Moving on. Brandon was really trying to mess up Stella’s hair, huh? XD Oh, and Musa and Riven are still dancing around each other. (I’m so sorry for this.)

- That rescue was cool. And Layla with the little girl. But why didn’t she just fly to the shore and felt the need to surf instead? That has always puzzled me greatly. She is such a responsible princess, though. She immediately went when she was called upon. Precious!

- Okay, but that looks like Valtor is literally sucking out their souls, wtf! This is so cool/freaky and I am so here for it.

- Um, I don’t like the way the Trix are looking at Valtor. I know he’s powerful and everything but can they just not crush on the weird guy they’re teaming up with every time? Their flirting is just so awkward. Also, can we see them teaming up with a woman for once?

- That moment when you take over a fucking planet (well, not quite but he’s going for it) and you’re like “Damn, I hate being so weak. I need to take my power back”. How much more power? What the hell? I mean, of course I love him but they’re making him so overpowered and they will have to tear him apart later in order for Winx to be able to defeat him and just... can you not? Tone it down a little now so that you don’t have to ruin this actual perfection later gdi! Also, why the fuck would we get a normal motive when we can just have “Power!!!! MORE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Give me a good fucking motive dammit! Or at least explain why the fuck he wants that power!

3x02:

- Awww! Can we talk about the fact that Radius is so open and welcoming to Bloom? And he knows how much she means to Stella! That is so adorable, I’m gonna cry now.

- Stella is such a supportive friend! She let Bloom into the hall of the universe (that is the coolest thing ever btw) and she was quick to reassure her that Oritel and Marion are alive. And she should know how this thing works so... I love how “it showed them standing” means “they’re still standing” as in “they’re still alive”. That was cool.

- Ahh, he straight up walks through walls. Creep. XD (seriously, that is the least troubling bit about him tbh)

- Did Chimera know who Stella was back at Magix? That would be weird because why would she do anything that would leave her in a position where she needs to kiss up to Stella?

- Stella woke up at dawn? She’s serious about this thing. And she totally dumped Bloom out of bed. Brandon should watch out in the future. Stella can get you out of bed whether you like it or not.

- Chimera was “finger-painting with food”? Umm... Am I the only one who thinks this sounds weird? And perhaps like Cassandra should’ve paid more attention to her as a child?

- Okay, Valtor is smooth. Of course, he simply wants to make their desires come true. I mean, an obvious lie but at the same time it isn’t because he really did give them power. So... nice move there! Also, I love that Cassandra was smart enough to ask what their end of the deal would be (it’s obvious enough but you never know when some idiot will forget to ask about that) and that she didn’t take Valtor’s hand. It could be read as her being a snob (which is probably at least partially the reason behind it) but it can also be read as her being mindful of him despite their “alliance” and refusing to trust him completely which is a smart move.

- Did Cassandra have magic before Valtor? Her ring seemed to be magical but did she have powers herself? So according to Wiki, “Valtor gave her more potent powers” so I’m assuming that means she had some before that. I was leaning towards that but now I am accepting it as canon.

- Is Valtor’s messing with the second sun what caused the shift in atmosphere and the rain? Damn, very symbolic you guys. It never rains on Solaria but Valtor shows up and boom! It’s raining. Both literally and metaphorically.

- I can’t help but notice how Valtor is only surrounding himself with women. Calm down there with the harem, will you? But on a serious note, I think it does make sense. He most certainly grew up surrounded by women and I would imagine his ego and his quest to be the most powerful wizard kind of get in the way of any male partnership. (Proof a - Griffin, proof b - the Trix. I think you get the idea.)

- Poor Stella. So I get why she’s upset but she’s also being a little selfish here and not taking into account her father’s feelings. I really want to see what happened there, though. If Cassandra didn’t have any good qualities, then why did he decide to marry her? That would make him a complete fool and, let’s be real, he’s not. But it could be that she deceived him. Her facade was holding up well when she was giving Stella the necklace the previous day.

- I can’t with Brandon, though. I see it is time for Sky to be the wingman now, closing Brandon’s jaw and urging him to give Stella the gift. Nice! (Also, poor Flora. Stuck there without Helia XD (But didn’t Tecna say that Helia confirmed he was going in the previous episode? Why isn’t he there?)) Why are Brandon and Sky in their Specialist uniforms, though?

- I really liked the fact that Radius said “My princess and yours.” I think it was cute. And the dance! And his worry for Stella! He is a great father.

- How old is Chimera? Bc she called Stella “big sister”. Damn, long nails, though! And that was some magic!

- Okay, Radius was spelled but what about the guards? “Our princess could never look that hideous”? Oh, so it is just Stella’s looks that matter to you. That’s great to know... Assholes.

- Aaaaand... she fell out the window. (What was that magic Flora sent at Bloom, though? Was it to help her speed so that she can catch Stella?)

3x03:

- The rain is anti magic? Valtor really pulled some shit there.

- “All boys are like that”, really? If you really believe that, then why are you all over Riven, Musa? I get why Stella is worried that Brandon won’t like her like that but Musa’s point is just... no.

- Yeah, let the boys handle it because we’re useless without our powers. Feminism at its finest. And a great message to send to all the little girls watching this show who DON’T have magic. Just fucking splendid!

- Aww, at least the dogs recognized Stella. Dogs are great!

- Stella sneaked out to go to parties? Nice. XD Also, anyone else notice the sparkles? Her outfits were always sparkly. At least the royal ones. Idk why I’m saying this. It just struck me.

- Rocks, then spiders. Amazing! They’re in all the trouble. But Tecna is handling this with some wits and gadgets, and just the tiniest bit of magic that you could literally replace with a knife or something. See? Not useless without magic.

- Aww, Stella saved them from the leeches. (But what was up with that? I don’t think leeches make you unconscious. Unless they were some magical leeches that were draining their magic.)

- Okay, I am not quite sure what is happening with the Trix. They were making digs at Valtor but then they start looking at him like that. It’s obviously just because of the power but still. I’m not a fan. Also, didn’t the Trix learn that they can’t beat Bloom?

- Put an illusion spell on Brandon? Shouldn’t that be a no-no? Like, no spelling the boo?

- Weather spirit? That’s proving to be a real problem.

- Okay, I cannot stress this enough but that last part was sooooo stupid. You have fucking instruments in the ship but why the fuck would you check that and get it back up when you reach the lowest possible point when you can instead go blindly into it and rely on Bloom’s gut? Use the fucking tech gdi! Yeah, now you remember the instruments, after the deed. Instead of doing it while you were performing the maneuver.

3x04:

- Those griffins? Damn! Those things are huge. And those were the little ones. Griffin is named after one hell of a creature. Also, I couldn’t help but notice the parallel there between the mother griffin trying to protect its chicks and Griffin trying to protect her students and getting extremely mad when the Trix attacked them. She totally is a mama bear.

- Poor Stella, feeling useless. Okay, but if Brandon thinks she still looks like she did before, then what does he think the spell did to her? Why does he think she can’t turn into a fairy? Also, didn’t he see what she turned into back at the ball? None of this makes sense.

- And Brandon is ready to jump off the ship for Stella. She definitely doesn’t need the spell because this guy is so in love.

- I’m not a fan of the “girls only” thing. Come on, guys! Brandon is clearly here to stay.

- Look at Brandon being all supportive boyfriend (and understanding, too, since he isn’t mad about getting spelled). And the others’ words... I’m tearing up. Oh, and poor Stella who thought everyone only liked her because she was pretty. (And judging by the Solarian guards’ words, for a good reason too (I’m just about ready to go on a killing spree on her behalf).)

- I love that Brandon only gave her the gift (hey, that’s a mirror, right?) when they thought it hadn’t worked. He was there no matter what happened and I just love that!

- First day of school? Bruh, how short was that vacation? Wtf?

- Omg, Stella and Musa’s teasing. Also, plants that write books? Damn, okay.

- Oh, hey! Musa and Stella have new friends. Poor Nova, though. She was scared to tell Stella what was up on Solaria. And it looks like the situation is very bad. Though, they were just letting Stella be serious and responsible and then they had to bring in the “being jealous of Chimera” thing. Nice one, you guys.

- Griselda is rooting for less school work? That is kinda out of character. And so is Faragonda’s idea about the Enchantix too. (Also, don’t come at me with this bullshit that earning Charmix was the goal of the second year. They didn’t even know what the fuck a Charmix was halfway through the year.) And this is further supported by what she said next that the Enchantix will find them when they’re ready. And what if they aren’t ready yet? What if they’ll be ready two years from now? Also, wtf do you mean that they’ll stay exactly as they are if they fail? Who put an expiration date over when you can earn your Enchantix?

- Stella’s reaction about Chimera, though. I mean, I understand, I wouldn’t want to save her either, but still.

- I’m not trying to be a bitch and it is probably the translation that is stupid but the way Bloom’s thoughts went she was pretty much saying “Why did everyone from Sparx disappear before I could save someone and earn my Enchantix?” Again, this is probably just the translation since the imagery of the destruction of Sparx suggested that she was mourning the tragedy but it did sound wrong.

- So does the Council do anything at all? Because the way Layla is telling it it sounds like they’re there like “Well, too bad for Tides. Also, sucks to be whoever he’ll attack next.” Also, if Valtor was defeated seventeen years ago, why wasn’t there a fucking reaction by someone? Layla’s parents must have already been rulers of Tides at the time so they must have known what was going on politically speaking (especially considering that there’s a portal from Omega to Tides). None of this makes sense... Again. (”Creature named Valtor”? Interesting. This isn’t a mistake since he isn’t quite human so... the writers are dropping some hints.)

3x05:

- Why does Omega have an exit? What, you go and collect the convicts after they’ve served their sentence? No, I really can’t comprehend what’s the point of an exit portal. Isn’t the idea of a prison dimension for the prisoners to be... trapped?

- Hey, don’t dis Stella just because she’s worried about her own planet. (We really didn’t need that flashback but it wasn’t so long so whatever.) At least Layla is being understanding and supportive despite everything she’s going through herself.

Cassandra is really using the magic from Valtor, though, isn’t she? Poor Radius. And all the people who are loyal to him. And Stella for having everything taken away from her, including her father. - This part is in the wrong place but it’s true regardless.

- Just teleporting in the middle of a palace. Damn, those things are so easy to invade. They all have to invest in security. Seriously, some teenagers are breaking in with tech they invented themselves (and yeah, Tecna is the fairy of technology but still). You need a better security system, trust me. If they had it, Valtor wouldn’t have been able to sneak around the Solaria palace. Or the Isis palace, for that matter (but I’m getting ahead of myself.) Also, given the problems they faced on Solaria and those they’ll face on Eraklyon, I’d say it is a lot harder to break out of the palaces than it is to break in, which is still important but if getting in was harder, there would’ve been no reason to work so hard on keeping people from getting out, is all I’m saying.

- I am pretty sure those frames where Icy is twirling her hair were in a previous episode too. Recycling animation, I see. I would cut them some slack on account that that was 2006(?) but no, people were actually drawing good animation in 2006. The first episodes of Tom & Jerry had better quality animation back in the early 1940s for heaven’s sake. They’re just not trying.

- It’s Magic Winx time! I am really trying to make the most of those last moments we’re seeing their initial transformations. I’m thrilled about Enchantix but I’ll also miss their Magic Winx forms.

- “Fairies. They’re always trying to help others. And what’s funnier is that they actually believe it is the right thing to do.” This, right here? Giving me some major feels. I am probably reading too much into it (can’t help wishful thinking now, can I?) but this could very well be about Faragonda helping Griffin escape the Coven and saving her from the Ancestral Witches and Valtor’s wrath. He probably just meant it in general, but I now have a new headcanon (sort of).

- Aww, look at Griselda. So caring, so worried about them. They almost blew their cover there. But why use Kiko when there are five pixies even without Piff? Also, how the hell did Griselda buy that? But aww, at Kiko and Stella, too!

- Can I ask why in hell did they just turn around when they saw the wave and tried to outfly it when they should’ve just risen higher in the air and they would’ve been out of reach, the wave passing underneath them? But no, they can just do that other thing instead and take their chances with the possibility of drowning. Epic levels of stupidity again.

- “That wave was kinda refreshing.” I wonder if you would’ve thought that if someone had died.

- Was releasing the other prisoners Valtor’s plan? I don’t think he was planning on doing that. I mean, as a consequence of his actions, yeah, but I don’t think he was deliberately trying to do that.

- Bloom is getting visions now. Why couldn’t she sense that Valtor was there when he could sense her? I mean, didn’t she feel something through the Dragon Fire even when Layla wasn’t talking about him?

- That shot of Icy and Darcy facing each other while a current is waving their hair is absolutely fucking aesthetic. Can I get it printed?

- Oh, he only gave Icy powers? And I am not sure how to react to that scene. She was talking as if she was looking at a relationship with him. Also, why are they there when they know that this isn’t going to end well? This scene is on some other plane of logic that isn’t even anywhere near the one I’m on.

- Why are they so surprised that the Trix are there? Layla already told them that the possibility of them being with Valtor is big. They should’ve known. But damn, that bolt of magic just went straight through Flora’s chest. How is she not seriously injured?

- Why do the Trix suddenly turn very stupid when it is convenient for Winx? Darcy and Stormy are smarter than that. Maybe it could be considered their pride clouding their judgment but still. It didn’t feel right.

- “Does it look like I’m out of the way?” XDDD

- Why didn’t he just let Bloom drown? Problem solved. But no, he’s gotta have his “moment”, his “villain speech”, his “villain honor”. Bullshit. And in the end when she became too strong for him to defeat, he was doing anything but being honorable. The hypocrisy.

- Okay, but to be fair it wasn’t Icy’s fault that they decided they’d won and Bloom turned her back on the battle.

- Holy shit, he just exploded like that! I still can’t understand how he’s so powerful and keeps getting more power. Really, how did they even defeat him? Oh, that’s right, the writers completely tore him down. Jeez, almost makes sense.

- Oh, no, poor Layla! I think that is one of the cruelest things anyone has ever done in the series. And it is, of course, directed at Layla. (Yes, I am looking at the fact that Ogron stole her chance to save Nabu and saved a flower with that magic instead.) (Damn, they’re all so short compared to Valtor.)

3x06:

- Stella somehow got away with using the pixies again. I don’t know how she keeps doing it but damn. That should qualify as skills.

- It is very sweet of them to hold Layla and help her but I think they should’ve offered a more... extensive hold on her. What I mean here is... Story time. We did some exercises in Cognitive Psychology since our teacher said that there’s a high chance we’ll be working with people with sensory disability. So she separated us into pairs and made one of us close our eyes and trust the other to lead them through a course of obstacles. And I have to tell you that I did not feel secure at all when I was only being held by the hand. Our teacher did something similar with us but it was her who was leading us and she had an arm around my shoulders PLUS holding my hand and it felt much better and safer. So what I’m saying with this is that Layla is most certainly freaking out here and she is very brave for not showing it (probably because she doesn’t want to be a burden) and also making steps on her own in her attempt to reach Tressa. That is absolutely impressive and we should all be proud of her. And she’s also ready to fight. She deserves all the hugs and love, and support in the world.

- I’m pretty sure that spell for breathing underwater undermines the whole Sirenix thing in some way but I don’t really remember what was up with that so I won’t be putting that in the plot holes column just yet.

- Flora is swimming like a little froggie. XD And Musa is swimming like a mermaid. Btw why do all the mermaids have this unnatural angle in their tales as if they have legs and have only put on a mermaid costume over them?

- And Stella finally fucked up. I am really curious what the hell she thought she could do. Go to Solaria and what? Get arrested? Not to mention that she was alone. Stella, honey, use those brain cells. They’re there for a reason. I know you want to help but this isn’t the way.

- Since when do corals grow so fast? Calcium carbonate can’t just multiply like that. Get your facts straight, writers. I guess you could explain this with magic but the way it is animated makes the coral look like it’s seaweeds. It looks soft and fabricy instead of solid as it actually should be.

- Aaand Layla is kidnapped. She’s probably terrified at this point. Poor baby needs a hug and months of therapy.

- I don’t understand why you need bravery to cut through the bars of a cell but okay. Attacking a kraken does, in fact, require bravery, though.

- Let’s cause a cave in, kids! It will be fun. And the chance of dying is just about, oh, I don’t know, BIG!

- Why didn’t Bloom make the stupid shortcut sooner? It would’ve been useful when they were running from the kraken.

- Omg, Imma cry. It’s Enchantix time! Despite everything she’s been through, Layla chose to use the healing magic on the queen. Question though, couldn’t they just... wait until the next sunset to heal her too? Or was it a one-time thing. I think the Bulgarian dub (so RAI) said it was a special sunset that only happened once a year or something like that. Which made more sense tbh.

- That line in the end kills me, though. Layla sounds like she’s lost all hope. Poor baby! You can’t really blame her. But did her parents learn about this? Why didn’t they try to get someone on Tides to heal her? Surely her mom or someone else should’ve known about the fairy powder.

3x07:

- Another realm that will have to get acquainted with clouds. But damn, what a team they make. (Also, all the realms that are designed after Asian cultures are always so... harmonic... At least they were before Valtor.)

- The moment when Layla heals herself with her fairy dust is so powerful! And Griselda was so happy!

- Eraklyon is 1000 years old? I feel like that is little, but at the same time a lot. Idk.

- Icy was so mad. Is that some jealousy I’m detecting here? (Also, Stormy’s face at Darcy’s suggestion that Valtor may be crushing on Bloom, I can’t. She even had sort of a shudder run through her, lol.) But still, brave to yell at him like that considering how much more powerful than her he is. The Trix are the epitome of “I do what I want” and I love it.

- It’s the defense system! Idk why I like it so much but I do.

- Why do I feel like Stella and Griselda have sass matches in every class Griselda teaches? Lol, I want to witness those. They’re bound to be epic. But also, why store so many important and powerful spells in a school full of inexperienced students and risk all their well-being? This just doesn’t make any fucking sense. Again.

- Why do I have a feeling that it isn’t a good idea to let students arrange the tomes in the restricted vault?

- You see, this is why you don’t let them organize those books. Because they accidentally release a monster in the library. And of course they’re gonna send Layla, who is currently their strongest member, on lookout duty instead of having her deal with the monster with her Enchantix. At least they were smart enough to protect the books. Well, at least they learned that books can hurt you. In more than one way.

- Here comes the bullshit with Diaspro. Just let her move on from Sky gdi! Also, I love how she wasn’t really bothered by the fact that Valtor just walked into her room like that. Yeah, she was raging at him to get out but did she even blink at the fact that he managed to get in there at all? No? Why would that surprise her, right? She’s all busy being bitchy so that doesn’t even register.

- Stella and Layla have a tough case on their hands. Poor Tune. She looks like she can’t handle this anymore. But I think Bloom is the one at the biggest disadvantage (though, walking with a single book on your head isn’t actually that hard, come on). But she actually managed to master enough stuff in such a short time. And they’re going to the party. (Not that that will end well but regardless.)

- I love how Bloom didn’t even react to the fact that Faragonda knew her parents and hadn’t told her all this time. I would’ve at least asked why. But again, details just don’t register for these guys.

3x08:

- Why is it that in Bloom’s dreams it is always her friends who are taunting her. Your friends taunting you or abandoning you every time you dream about them is not really normal. (They do draw a lot of dream sequences, though, and I gotta say that they are pretty straightforward, very direct and less symbolic which... fair enough, but dreams aren’t always like that. Also, all the dreams they’ve drawn are logical meaning that everyone is doing things they could realistically do in real life and transitions from places are also smooth and physically possible. Most dreams aren’t like that because the part of the brain that is responsible for logic isn’t active during sleep. Which is why I’ve been in a different town and then walked straight into my room at home without any transition whatsoever. And yes, I get how more simplistic dreams would make sense considering it is a kids show but dreams are of special interest to me so you get this psychological/writer rant-y tangent. This may also be due to the fact that I recently watched a killer dream sequence (not quite dream, it was a hallucination but a “guided” one and it was essentially following dream logic so...) and I am still hung up on that.)

(- A sidenote here: I think that the reason Layla wasn’t in the dream is that her planet is also facing the possibility of destruction currently and that makes Bloom feel like Layla understands her even if she already got her Enchantix. And that was why she was both sleeping on Layla’s lap and not seeing her in the dream.)

- Bloom already met Sky’s parents. I mean, I get how she’d be worried around those two but they already liked her in season 2. So why is that here?

- Stella is so done. You know, I would’ve preferred it if they’d let her focus on the fact that her father is under a spell rather than on her title being given to Chimera. They’re making her more worried about that rather than about her father. (At least Layla is showing off her dress. She didn’t get to do it last time.)

- Oh, god, it’s drama o’clock. Seriously, he was just dancing with you and telling you he loves you. Who changes their mind like that? He’s been with her for over a year now. Why would he just do this out of nowhere without any warning signs? All of this is just so stupid.

- Yes, thank you, Stella. Please do go ask for an explanation. And Layla being angry for her friend too. Good.

- Finally someone realized he’s spelled. Of course he is. Why would he call them witches otherwise?

- Valtor has an interesting way of spying on people. I don’t agree that Diaspro will fit in with the Trix and they shouldn’t have reversed her season 2 character development like that. When will they learn, really?

- Layla’s morphix barrier is so powerful.

- “Even if you are spelled”? What is that if doing there? Of course he is spelled! He’s acting like a rabid dog and I think for two years now you would’ve noticed if that was his personality.

- Poor Flora. They had to get the dragons. But aww, Brandon is so ready to do what only a responsible best friend can and smack some sense into Sky.

- Why did the pilot listen to Cassandra? I know she’s acting like she’s queen but she’s not. You can’t just abandon your king like that no matter who else is giving you orders, what?

- When exactly did the spell on Radius break? When Cassandra abandoned him or when he saw Stella lying unconscious?

- That was so brave of her, just standing against the dragon and not caring about the danger, only about her father. And now she’s got her Enchantix. I always loved Stella’s Enchantix. It’s so pretty. Look at her! (Where’s my Enchantix song, though? Now I am absolutely certain that they’re showing RAI dub in Bulgaria. I want my song back. :/ I love it so much and I want it back!)

- (Okay, picking back up where I left off about half a year ago.)

3x09:

- I liked that they showed Bloom laughing at Kiko’s antics despite her being upset. It makes it more realistic than her just being sad all the time and not showing any other emotion.

- Why is it that what happened on Sparx seems to not be general knowledge? I mean, the whole planet died! There must have been a public statement out of the Council explaining what the hell happened and that the threat has been contained. Why does no one seem to know anything about that?

- I like the fact that there are bigger consequences of what happened on Eraklyon than just relationship drama. Makes this a lot more interesting.

- Look, I am not a fan of Bloom at all but I wouldn’t have wanted her removed from the school. I mean, Alfea is Valtor’s target with or without her anyway to give a logical argument at the very least. And she also deserves to be protected if Valtor is after her and not kicked out to deal with it as best as she can. It’s not fair to want her out of there just because there is someone out there to get her. They should be concerned with protecting her along with all the other students instead of trying to feed her to the wolves. Not to mention that if they want Bloom out, they should also want Faragonda out of there since she is a target of Valtor’s as well. But no one dares say that, right? I am just so over this!

- Why are we doing the voice over again?

- Vanessa and Mike are the most precious parents ever and I love them so much! (Pls, don’t ruin this with the live action series.) And also, when will Bloom stop acting like Sky has any control of his behavior? I am glad that Vanessa brought up that time Darkar brainwashed Bloom. A good way to slap her in the face with the truth delicately.

- Aww, Brandon is being such a great friend! And Stella is doing her best to be a supportive BFF as well.

- I agree with Riven on changing the operation’s name. And he was being a bit of a jerk there. Especially considering that he has been in Sky’s shoes as a brainwashed puppy for Darcy. Though, that might actually be what is driving his words. Maybe he doesn’t want to admit that he was outsmarted and spelled by Darcy and that is why he is maintaining that Sky might be choosing all of that of his own volition. (Though, that might be a bit too deep for the writers.) And he did agree to drive them, after all, so he must be saying the truth about not wanting Bloom to get disappointed.

- Why did they have to reverse every last bit of Diaspro’s character development?!

- “Is this a ‘no parking’ zone?” XDDDD

- Brandon truly is the best bf and BFF and I cannot stress this enough. I love him!

- Well, took you awfully long to put two and two together. But at least this drama is about to close. Thankfully, since I don’t think I could have taken much more of this.

- Of course, they get caught. Did that punishment ever happen? I mean, considering what is coming in the next episode, I don’t think we ever saw any consequences for that.

- I get why the news of an arranged marriage can be distressing but I think that Layla was a bit too quick with that “my life will be ruined” evaluation. She could’ve tried meeting Nabu at least before deciding it wasn’t going to work out. Especially considering that it was working out (until they fucking killed him off).

3x10

- (I will probably be talking a lot more about Griffin and Valtor than is necessary. What can I say? When your OTP only gets about five scenes together, you have to make the most of it.)

- Aww, poor Stella, feeling so worried for Brandon! But seriously, why didn’t they think of checking the intergalactic news or whatever? Shouldn’t that be... idk, their first move? Even I thought of that and I don’t even live in that universe. Come on, guys! Use those brain cells!

- Valtor is such a primadonna, I can’t even. Yeah, how dare this place he has completely taken over and pushed to the verge of destruction be so lame and not entertaining? Lol at the line about the spell protecting Cloud Tower from dark magic, though. It will never not be funny.

- Sidenote: Is Griffin the only person in the universe who’s named Griffin? I know that the fact that it’s Cloud Tower would make him think it was her but it could still be another witch named Griffin. You’d think that in the whole universe there would be another witch sharing that name.

- Okay, but that scene made the witches look kinda incompetent. I know they are just students still but they must know that shapeshifting is possible and in that case you shouldn’t invite animals inside either because they could turn out to be the menacing wizard that’s threatening the entire magical dimension. Just saying.

- God, I really hate it when they do things like that. Can we have magic users actually sensing magic and not being caught completely by surprise when someone teleports in their room? Especially if they are the headmistress of the most prestigious school for witches? I mean, she is supposed to be powerful. She should have sensed him or something. I am not saying that that should have given her more of a fighting chance but she should have at least felt his magic. Considering that they used to be partners.

- How do Ediltrude and Zarathustra know Valtor? I’m just curious for more backstory.

- This show has a dreadful way of including flashbacks. I mean, Griffin should know damn well what the hell Valtor’s talking about but they couldn’t find a better way to segue the flashback into the episode so we get that super cringy line instead. I would’ve also really appreciated it if those flashbacks were less stylized. Although - and now I am going on a Griffin x Valtor rant despite having said this before - the way it is animated it looks like they did convergence. And Valtor saying that they were unstoppable when they combined their powers supports that. And all of that, in turn, supports the idea that they were together. Especially since Griffin changed her mind about the whole thing which would mean that their interests in a magical plan weren’t all that aligned and you need sync for a convergence. (And who would prefer the idea of them being just work partners when you can have the moral dilemma of love vs conscience instead?) Anyway, yeah, really not a fan of that part with the snakes because it doesn’t tell you shit about what actually happened and I highly doubt that the Ancestral Witches conjured serpents to chase her. It could have been a good way to show once again how horrible they were but they just wanted to cop out of actually putting any effort into any of this.

- Now that I am done with that rant, I just want to say again how in love I am with young Griffin’s design and especially her hair. It is so long and purple and I just can’t! Also, headcanon that that flower hairpin was a gift from Faragonda. Also also, Darcy could be a spitting image of young Griffin. Just an observation.

- Of course, the magical barrier also protects from rain.

- Oh, boy, here comes another rant. “Why are they attacking us?” Seriously?!?!?! And that coming from Winx who were on Tides and have had two of their closest people brainwashed by Valtor? I mean, are you really that fucking stupid?!?!?!?!?! How hard can it be to put two and two together?!?!?! Honestly, I am so done with all of this!

- Well, that barrier didn’t hold up even for a minute. I know Valtor had all the witches brainwashed but how powerful can they be? Isn’t that barrier supposed to protect them from big threats? It gave way as if it were a house of cards.

- I love the way Faragonda just blasted Valtor through all of those trees although I wish they would have done more with that battle. They could have shown some more advanced spells instead of Valtor and Faragonda just blasting each other. Yeah, he turned her into a tree but we never actually saw how any of that happened. That could have been an epic battle if they had decided to show more of it.

- Yeah, this makes perfect sense. The barrier that all the teachers made together with an ancient spell didn’t hold up but the one Palladium put up with SOME of the fairies is stronger. How does that have any logic? The teachers are supposed to be a lot more powerful and therefore create a stronger barrier. I am so done with all of this nonsense.

- Poor Galatea. Though, I must agree with Icy that she is obviously new since she thought she could defeat the Trix by herself. But her idea to send a message to Musa was good! The one to run instead of fly out of there - less so.

- Yeah, Tecna just stopped a convergence between Icy and Stormy on her own. How does that make any sense?! Winx are way too powerful for the Trix to defeat them even without their Enchantix and none of this helps the tension of the season. I mean, can we have some proportional powers in order to actually have any stakes? They were so much better at that in season 1.

- Darcy, I love you, baby, but how could you set a library on fire? I am in pain. And also amazed by the stupidity once again. Why would a fire on fire attack put out the fucking fire, Bloom?! How does that make any sense?! Oh, and Galatea’s decision to rush back for the books was absolutely fucking idiotic. I get that she wasn’t rational at the moment and probably felt guilty for the whole thing but come on! This is a whole room of books! How did she think she could save them all?!

- Musa’s Enchantix is beautiful but I am not sure it was worth all the bullshit they did just to let her have it. Not to mention that there was absolutely no damage from the fire at all. And, of course, fairy dust can just generate new wings. Yes, that makes perfect sense, why are you asking? (Okay, I am actually going to give that a pass because fairy dust and fairy wings are both magic (and the dust comes from the Enchantix wings).)

3x11:

- I am actually kinda amused by the choice to start off the episode with that shot of the grounds of Alfea smoking after the battle.

- “Lucy, why did you attack us?” REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! How much more stupid manufactured drama are they gonna shove in this?!?!?!... Oh, wait. That is so that we can have Mirta go to Cloud Tower bc that’s a plot device. Nvm it doesn’t make any fucking sense for any of the fairies not to know why the attack happened, especially since Faragonda is missing so they must all know about her battle with Valtor and that he’s behind everything. And then she even asks if Valtor made the witches do it? Well, of course he did, you absolute moron! I cannot with this anymore.

- Lol, Valtor just feeding the Trix’s fight and giving them stupid assignments to keep them off his back is kinda hilarious but it would have been better if they weren’t so ready to fall for it. Come on, they can do better and everyone knows it!

- Yeah, “an unbelievable battle” (Valtor vs Faragonda)... that we saw nothing of. Thanks, writers!

- I swear, the only reason Locket is less annoying than Bloom is that she’s actually smaller in size (and the writers don’t hyperfocus on her).

- Flora’s powers are really cool but why was there so much wind during that spell? It looked a bit too violent for Flora with the way all the trees were bending so intensely. And the trees were scared? Aww, that’s... a lot of things, actually. But anyway.

- If Mirta was going in Cloud Tower, why was she walking away from it? The positioning in this scene makes no sense.

- They literally just wasted almost an entire minute on the pixies that were doing nothing of importance. They could have used that time for something actually meaningful and interesting.

- Okay, I always thought that the green (bluish) and purple monsters were Ediltrude and Zarathustra but I don’t think I have seen anyone else catch on to that. I mean, it would make sense because Valtor’s mark turned the mermaids on Tides into monsters as well. But on the other hand, the witches of Cloud Tower were also marked and didn’t turn into monsters. Though, I bet that was just so we could have the drama of “why are they attacking us?” when the fairies recognized them because they might not have if the witches had been turned into monsters.

- Well, the Trix stood up to Valtor about that guard duty at least. That’s more like them.

- “she claims to be a fairy born into a witch’s body”? I never understood that. Mirta has a fairy form. So if she has a fairy form but is born in a witch’s body... What’s the difference between a fairy’s body and a witch’s one if not the fairy form? Which she obviously has?!?!?!

- Yeah, a door just opens by itself and Lucy is right behind it and Mirta falls for that. I mean, doesn’t the level of convenience tip you off that it’s a trap? Basic logic, people! Is that too much to ask for?

- Here they had to start doing the convergence before Valtor’s spell ruined it and Bloom touched Stella with no problem but later it turns out that Valtor just blocked their ability to touch. Yeah, right. I am not buying that. It wasn’t animated in support of it, sorry.

- Oh, wow. They even managed to hit Valtor with an attack! I’m amazed. However, they’re not anywhere even close to being on his level of power so, again, how did they ever beat him?

- Oh, I noticed the pentagram now! I never saw it before.

- Well, of course, Griffin is trying to escape. What did you think? That she’ll sit idly by? He knows her and he already knew she would try to escape as evidenced earlier. Why is he surprised?

- Okay, so “blocked our ability to touch each other” is actually “blocked our ability to hold hands” which is different. Just saying. And also, since when do they need to touch to do convergence? They were doing convergence without touching just fine in season 2. I maintain that this whole thing with the convergence is a load of crap because they had no idea how to put them in danger otherwise.

- What are these mummy hands and where are they coming from. And of course, Mirta shows up in a last second save. You know, I can see now how she fell for that trap earlier. Everything in this series is too convenient.

- If Valtor could do the reflective spell on Griffin’s cell door, why didn’t he just go for it the first time to eliminate the headaches she caused him with her escape attempts? Oh, my god, does anyone in this show have any brains?!

- They could have tried the fairy dust to save Griffin in this ep instead of waiting for 3x14. But again, no fucking brain cells, man.

- When will they learn that if a thing attacks them right now, there’s a big chance it was spelled by Valtor? I am really so over this. And “the old one”? Really? She’s not that old.

- Yeah, Mirta isn’t an Alfea student. Why would she care to go look for Faragonda along with Winx? We can just send her home, right? No problem.

- Hey, that’s Nabu.

(- Okay, enough about this episode. I gave it enough time and nerves.)

3x12:

- Lucy was spying on the pixies? I have never noticed that. And she turned herself into a snake? Okay, that was really cool. How have I never noticed it?

- I am so over Valtor and the Trix’s bullshit. They are all so transparent, it’s ridiculous.

- Well, that’s one of the few times we’ve seen Stella’s ring lately. She used it a lot more back in season 1 and I have started missing it.

- Yeah, Flora’s sister is not Rose. She’s Miele. Sorry, 4kids.

- Why did Flora ask her obviously-too-little-for-any-of-this sister to talk to the elders instead of her parents?!

- How did Stormy create harpies out of lightning? Was this some sort of Frankenstein thing, except she didn’t even have a body to run electricity through and just materialized the entire damn harpies out of her magic? WTF?!

- Lol, Stormy’s harpies first went for Musa? Yeah, it’s obvious they’re Stormy’s. XD (Why does that harpy look like Lucy?)

- No one can fly through the winds. 3 secs later - Stella, Layla and Musa are flying through the winds. *facepalm* They aren’t the only fairies in the whole magical dimension to have Enchantix, you know? Surely, there are also fairies with Enchantix on Lynphea, which means that there are people who can fly through the winds. Why does this show insist on contradicting itself so often?! (The talk about the Enchantix wings was cool, though.)

- Stormy really needs some anger management.

- My first thought when I saw the sage of Lynphea was “Lady Gaga” XDDD (Also, Alfea, Lynphea... chill, guys.)

- The story of the Black Willow has always been my favorite part of the lore for the Winx world! I loved it ever since I first started watching the show and it’s still holding up!

- Why is Darcy so behind on what Icy and Stormy are doing?

- Aww, Flora is so careful with her sister! And she knows her so well! She totally knew that Miele would want the ladybug to go faster. She’s a great big sis!

- Omg, a cat fight between Icy and Darcy? It’s hilariously bad but I gotta say, they probably weren’t trying to hurt each other truly since they mostly refrained from using magic. And I love the fact that they realized they are fighting over a guy and it’s stupid. Plus, Stormy really isn’t so bad at all and only needs some anger management. Out of the three of them, she always seems to value the presence of the others the most. Just... not in a “friends friends” way. XD

- Bloom was really going to just touch the water and totally forget what they were told and also turn herself back into a kid. Nice one!

- Ouch, poor Stella. She ran face first into that column. But I gotta say that I love how both Bloom’s face and intonation switch to “fuck you” even though she’s frozen to the wall.

- Hey, that thing about Griffin’s Nature Studies class kinda aligns with my headcanon that she loves plants. If you know how to make an environment thrive, you’ll also know how to ruin it. And of course, Darcy aced that. She just loves to ruin stuff and I love her. Also, loving the Trix much more now that they’re back to being a totally evil team!

- Holy shit! Flora just attacked Darcy physically! I am speechless! I did not see this coming. This episode is truly delivering on the action! It is much better than the previous one and the threat is more real. I like it!

- Oh, damn! Flora is really mad to dish out plants that are trying to swallow them! Oof, this is getting really intense and I am loving every second!

- Why are they talking underwater?

- Omg, poor Miele. She thought her big sis would die. Honestly, the Trix deserved to have their butts kicked here just for doing that to her. A sidenote, though - Why do the Enchantix transformations start up with makeup change? That is hardly a priority, seriously!

- Miele should have gotten her Enchantix, too, for taking that blow for Flora. Which btw is stupid because if the blast was supposed to “finish off” Flora, Miele should have been hurt badly but she was just fine.

- Well, of course saving Faragonda is up to Winx, THE STUDENTS! Why would any of the teachers actually try to save their boss?! That would be ludicrous.

3x13:

- Oh, so Saladin is three years older than Faragonda (and Griffin)? Also, “a social call”? Plus, the way Faragonda was talking about his past visits? Yeah, that was not a friendship when they were young. (But I just burst out laughing at Faragonda’s expression when she said she had to wake up Layla. She looked so terrified and it was just a tad over the top for her specifically.)

- Stella was dreaming Brandon had wings and they were flying together? Aww, that is so romantic!

- Aww, Layla and her dad are going to fight together! That is so precious! I love that some of the adults are finally taking action here. It was about damn time!

- The Trix look positively upset by Valtor’s idea to just let the mermaids die. It may be because in a way they are also his minions and if he has no problem leaving his minions to die, then they aren’t too safe either. Though, it seems like they want the people to live but they don’t care that the planet will die. It’s a little weird.

- Stella went to rodeo camp? Man, they really do have cowboys on Solaria, huh?

- Rescue vine? But aww, the way Flora caught Stella was really cute!

- Lol, I guess the Trix aren’t satisfied with the home cinema special “Watching your mortal enemies get obliterated” and wanted in on the action! Well, in a manner of speaking, Valtor saved them by keeping them from going to Tides (although it didn’t get destroyed but they thought it would so it kinda counts). Guess, they’re still useful to him.

- Omg, Layla and her dad teaming up is absolutely great! We needed to see more moments like that and it was totally possible considering that a half of their fathers (counting Oritel) are warriors. And I love that Teredor thought of freeing the mermaids from Valtor’s spell. I thought Winx would have thought of that by now but apparently they still can’t get used to the fact that they have fairy dust now and it can remove Valtor’s mark.

- I still don’t get the need for a portal to Omega. There is obviously another way in because the Trix weren’t dropped in through the portal on Tides. So why leave a portal? This is stupid. Also, I knew the scrolls would get sucked in. It was just too stupid for them to pass up on.

- Okay, it was sweet that Bloom and Layla were ready to sacrifice themselves but why was Tecna able to go near the portal when they weren’t? Also, why did she get her Enchantix? Faragonda said they had to sacrifice themselves for someone from their own planets. Tecna isn’t from Tides!

- Musa seemed the most upset, though. Not that the others weren’t. But Musa was the one that flew in in an attempt to help Tecna and then just banged on the ground like that. Poor babies. All of them. (At least the Trix are happy... for now.)

Part 2 is here.

[kokitanaka]

2YOU Magazine Interview

In this interview, Koki talks about his music, his background, and his fans, which gave me new respect and appreciation of what he experienced and what he is doing. I really would like more people to read this interview!!

Original interview in Japanese http://2youmagazine.com/2020/11/koki-3/

(Sorry for the bad translation as I am native in neither English or Japanese. But I just really want to share this with his fans.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Koki Tanaka has released the single as "KOKI" and "JOKER." Koki Tanaka, since the breakup of the band, solo activity, and now completely self-produced/self-promoted. He has continued to voice. Even now with covid-19 and live activities have been limited, he uses youtube as a tool to voice. He has become the person to help us to remember that it is normal to laugh, to set us free, and to allow us to get back to normal. Koki has been putting the release aside but now finally he made a new self split EP with "2U" by KOKI and "Oh yeah～chapter3～" by JOKER. He said that this time is for him to help those who helped him. Let's see the Koki that bears his past and unleashes the new self.

2YOU: All the artists have their activities been limited because of covid-19. However, it seems like you still have a lot of activities to make fans happy. KOKI: Japan has been pretty brutal about it, isn't it? When I open SNS, there is always this tension which I hate. Of course, I also got messages like "you have to tell people to stay home!" So I started to think about what I can do at home and that's why I started things like youtube or thinking that I have to do something and wrote songs. Corona is a natural disaster so it is not like I can release my anger to a person. So it is better to think of something that will make people happy. That is the reason I continue to shoot youtube videos.

2YOU: You also had quite a few shows canceled, rights?

KOKI: About 20 of them. Actually, I didn't think it is that big of a deal around March. However, little by little as we got more information and shows have been canceled. I started to realize I might not be able to sing anymore. Although it is an abstract feeling, it is very scary.

2YOU: Singing is everything to you. It is difficult to think that would be forbidden, right? KOKI: Yeah! Actually, because of Corona, there are bands broke up or members are separated. It is very scary that the things we think are normal are disappearing. 2YOU: For those dying live house or band friends, you have been very active in helping them.

KOKI: When I was troubled, they were the one who saved me. So when they become the ones that need to be saved, of course I need to do whatever it takes to help them. If I don't do something now, I will regret it for the rest of my life. Now is the only time to give back. When thinking about giving back, it is difficult to find the right timing, right? So I believe this time is the perfect timing for me to give back.

2YOU: Because of Corona, it is difficult to laugh anymore. But watching Koki's stuff does make us burst out laughing. For example, I was laughing hard at the "Anybody can do home training" youtube video. When I saw you said, "after all, I guess no one can do it..." I was thinking "wow. I really laughed out loud at this."

KOKI: Well, I guess making people laugh is the goal or part of the goal. In a good way, I want people to think Corona is not a big deal. Of course we really need to be careful and do the right thing. However, Corona shouldn't be everything. I am also doing my things as usual and fighting as usual. If people see me, the person who starts from zero, are able to laugh at me, beef with me, and if all those turn into laughter, it would be the best thing.

2YOU: The beef between you and sports newspaper is the best!

KOKI: You mean Tokyo Sports Newspaper, right? LOL. Those kinds of gossip newspapers always like to write random stuff, don’t they? Sometimes I read and think "what? you call this news?" I also have been the target many times. Instead of being angry and challenging them "this is NOT true, you bastard!" it is my job as an entertainer to transform this into a joke.

2YOU: Oooh. Like the Hip of Hip-Hop?

KOKI: Exactly. Basically battling where everyone can see. I was thinking if I can do that with Tokyo Sport, that would be fun. You can say this is Hip-Hop or even ROCK. When I experience that kind of culture, I am like a child and get super excited. You know like the beef between ZEEBRA and KJ. That is exactly what Tokyo Sport and me....I guess? LOL.

2YOU: I guess Hip-Hop and ROCK have been a big impact on shaping who you are. What is your music root?

KOKI: Completely Hip-Hop! I totally fell for it when I first heard 人間発電所 by BUDDHA BRAND when I was in 7th grade. At the time I thought people who sing rap in a rock band are pretty frivolous, but later when I start to listen to Yamaraashi, UZMK, RIZE, DRAGON ASH, I was totally into it. Of course iconic artists/bands like Slipknot, NIRVANA and hide had a big impact on me as well.

2YOU: And you showed that in your music even at the time, didn't you?

KOKI: Yeah, I wanted to. I was very active in the pop culture world at the time. There were a lot of people who listened to my music, women, people who just happened to hear it somewhere...etc. I was thinking it must be so cool to sing the rap to them. Actually recently when I was talking to JYU from UZMK and NOBUYA from ROTTENGRAFFTY, they told me that they felt that influence in my music at the time. So I did send a clear message. My policy at that time was being an idol and doing not idol-alike things. If people like it, I succeed. 2YOU: Was that why you became bald? Haha. KOKI: That was the way I showed antithesis. I was being scolded because I shaved my head though. LOL. But my male fans also increased because I became bald. So in that way it was a very successful move. LOL

2YOU: This time you included a song as JOKER called "Oh year～chapter3～" KOKI: I was in a band then I was doing solo. Starting this year, I left the agency and am completely doing things on my own. I started to think that I really had thrown away what I have built, my idol past. I wanted to show "I am a band man" so I didn't want people to connect me with idol. Now I wanted to continue the series that I have been working on since the idol period. I want to carry it and fight the world as a band man. So I released this as JOKER. Plus the song 2U which I released as KOKI. This is a song that shows what I have been doing (powerful band music) with mainly rap. There is a lyric I wrote "mazugomi(a wordplay of masukomi. masukomi in Japanese is mass media. mazui means bad. gomi means trash. So I think KOKI wanted to show that the mass media is like trash here." Because of Corona, we can see clearly what is good and what is bad. There is information in the mass media that really saves people's lives. There is also information like trash just being played.

2YOU: So you wrote the lyrics "do not think they are partners in crime."

KOKI: Exactly. 2YOU MAGAZINE has helped me so much and I wanted to be the media to help others. I wanted to be the media helping people who are tracing the dream, people who are working hard, people who are supporting those people. That is why I decided to name this song from 2YOU(magazine) to 2U. Even we are called "media" but do not think we are the same as other media. That is why I wrote those lyrics. 

2YOU: This lyric is from hide's DOUBT, right?

KOKI: Ahahahaah. Yes, you got it! I was thinking I definitely need to put hide's lyrics when I work with 2YOU.

2YOU: Your "F.O.M.O." has ROCKET DIVE's lyric in it. This HIP-HOP kind of playfulness makes people chuckle.

KOKI: You mean the lyric "Sail away" from F.O.M.O. right? LOL. I enjoy when I applied my root and people actually discover it. It makes me happy. I would like both the music element and the entertainment element in my work.

2YOU: Your single "Oh year～chapter3～" also has a strong color. This series is always erotic. LOL

KOKI: SUPER erotic. LOL. The past songs in the series were also like that. I even had this performance that I put a bed on the stage and danced with a female dancer. However, I got complaints from the parent-child seat. LOL.

2YOU: Ahahahaaha. I wouldn't say it is good for their education. LOL.

KOKI: Yeah. There were like, "this is not something for the children." Haha. However, this is also something I have always challenged myself to do since the idol period. So I wanted to carry my past and complete this song which became "Oh year～chapter3～."

2YOU: For the fans who have been supporting from that time, it must be really nice present for them.

KOKI: There are people who became my fans when I started band. There are also people who became my fans recently. However, the ones who really support me through all the ups and downs are the fans from idol period. To be honest, there are so many chances for them to give up on me, but they decided to stick with me. So I really appreciate them. For them, this is a gift that I put all my music life in.

2YOU: It would be awesome if the fans who were sitting at the parent-child seat became adults and listen to the song now.

KOKI: THey probably already thought like an adult and understood at the time. Haha. Or they started to know when they turn into adults. They might just think it is a cool song but didn't really know what it means at the time. Haha. If you thought about it, music is so amazing! Depending on when you hear the song, you would have different feelings and memories about it. In a way, it is like music is always right beside you.

2YOU: Well, in terms of right beside you, Koki's music is everything about Koki, right?

KOKI: Well, this is all I've got. Haha. Actually, after my incident, I also thought about doing other things. However, as a result, I cannot think of anything else to express other than expressing it through lyrics and songs. This is the only way I know how to express and how to fight. When I was young, I was being bullied. Even at the time, I couldn't fight back and yelled "asshole!" However, through music, I can. This is my way of fighting.

2YOU: It is difficult to find your way of fighting.

KOKI: For most people, what we want to do and what we have to do are usually not the same. However, luckily, it happens to be the same for me. So even people look down and doubt "you are still doing it?" I wouldn't give it up for the world.

2YOU: Sorry if I offended you but it is very convincing from someone who has failed. I believe those who are troubled can really hear you.

KOKI: Yeah! It is true! I think it is very rare that people have a worry-free life. There are so many people who are worried and troubled. I think I am confident that I can convince them I am the living proof. "Look at me! Checked how many times I have failed! And look at me now!" Of course in order to convince them and convince myself, I need to continue to work hard. I am not sure what is success for me but I know I have to succeed. This is important for me and for those who look up to me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you are interested in the single, you can buy it here! https://koki2u.thebase.in/

[okietrish]

I’m Glad You’re Here.

Warning: This baby includes talk about self harm and suicide. Please read at your own risk.

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x reader

Word Count:  2990

A/N: If you are experiencing anything of this variety please get help, y’all can even message me if you need to. I’m open ears darling.

Also, hello. It’s been a while.

Please enjoy.

__________________________________________

Laying in bed with Jake was always relaxing. Just you and him, music playing low in the background gracing the peaceful, silent moments with rhythm. Talking about anything and everything, from the rain patting against the square window to the complex comparisons of each other's childhoods and the detailed memories. Having only been officially together for 3 months, this was still new to both of you. Happy and new. There was still a lot you didn’t know about each other, the small things that come up in the moment, the things you learn as your observe each other with love and admiration. In moments like this sometimes you take turns spitting out random stories as different topics come in and out of the natural flow of conversation, or sometimes you just sit in sweet silence, enjoying each others steady breathing and music.

You were currently laying in Jake's lap, him sitting straight up against his headboard; fingers playing with yours delicately, absentmindedly even. The entire scene was peaceful and warm, welcoming to trust and comfort. When Jake brought your left hand to his lips, placing delicate kisses to each finger, he noticed the marks on your wrist. Paying him no mind, your eyes closed, transfixed in the steady baseline currently blessing the room, in the company to the rumble of thunder crashing through the clouds. 

This gave Jake the opportunity to look closer, inspecting your skin; noticing three definitive white lines that were about a half a centimeter wide each. One was long, across the entire length of your wrist, placed about three inches down from where your palm ended. The next one was slightly shorter than the first, the last one was the smallest and a bit crooked in comparison to the others, curving slightly up.

“Y/N” Jake hummed, tone soft, fluttering across to you while he kept his hand in yours.

“Yes?” You didn’t open your eyes at first, still drifting within your own little world. With a steady kiss to your palm, your reality returned to the stunning man above you. His gorgeous eyes crinkled at the sides when they met yours, quickly falling closed in thought before he spoke again.

“Can I ask you something? And you don’t need to tell me if you feel uncomfortable okay?” He was nervous, afraid of offending you, afraid of you running from him, afraid of the answer he might hear. He placed another kiss to the back of your palm, to comfort you, but also to give himself reassurance.

“Of course love, I trust you.” Turning your head slightly to kiss his stomach over his t-shirt. The trust you had in Jake came naturally. He listened to understand, to comprehend. He was there to support you through life. In the year you’ve known him, the even smaller amount of time being together romantically, you became transparent with him. It was easy to trust him, even easier to love him.

Jake took a deep breath, looking to your face with a small smile before refocusing on your hand. He took your hand into both of his. Ever so slowly, he ran one finger beside the marks he discovered.

“What are these scars from?” He kissed your wrist then, stamping his question with love before looking back to your eyes only to find them staring off into the empty space of the room. Jake held his breath, wordlessly begging you to speak, to say anything to him, to confide in him.

“I um….” a deep, stuttering breath broke through you chest before you went on, “when I was younger, my depression got really bad. The.. the only way I can describe it is that I felt trapped. I uh, didn’t know what to do, so I turned to cutting myself to cope.” You couldn’t look at him and he didn’t say anything. He just sat there processing what you just said, nodding his head up and down slowly. Placing a delicate kiss on your wrist once more, trailing a line of kisses up to your fingertips again. 

“Thank you for telling me.” Letting go of your hand he gripped the sides of your face, pushing your hair back. “Can we talk about it?”

That was the thing about Jake, he never pushed you. He always asked if you wanted to talk about a specific topic. He knew that you childhood hadn’t been the easiest, he understood that in all due time you would let it all out. Slowly, but surely. He also understood that there was a time and place for conversations like these,  he let you choose when that time was. The respect he had for you was deserving, you held the same amount for him.

“Yeah, we can. I just have never expressed this before, so bare with me, yeah?” You brought your hand up to meet his that was stroking your cheek. You pressed a kissed into his palm, already feeling your heart rate increase.

“I’ll be with you the whole time Y/N, just take your time.” He slipped his hand into your hair, lightly twisting a peace between his fingers while looking at you to continue.

“There were a few years of my life where I really didn’t know who I was anymore. I blacked out a lot of it, other than the bad parts, cause ya know that’s just how life works. You remember the bad shit more than the good stuff.” You giggled to yourself for a moment, Jake let out a laugh as well at your bluntness towards life, something he loved about you.

You sat up, removing yourself from Jake's lap in order to look at him properly, sitting criss-cross between his spread legs. He took your hands into to his own, gently squeezing them.

“I was 12 when it all started. I just remember starting to hate myself, I’m not sure why. I started shrinking into the background of life. Wearing boring clothes, not talking as much, becoming an observer. But the thing is with being an observer, it’s so easy to start comparing yourself to everyone you see. ‘Oh I’m not as skinny as her.’ ‘She has so many friends, I’ll never have that.’ It started off with just me thinking I wasn’t good enough. I hated myself, it was easy to internalize because no one really paid any attention to me. I was alone, but it was my choice to be that way. In a weird way it was comforting. I started to like it.”

“It’s weird how we can become so used to ourselves, even if that version of ourselves isn’t healthy.” Jake added, connecting to your complex mind. His heart broke with the memories you expressed. He wished he was there for you, knowing the impossibility of it all. He still wished he could have been there for you somehow. It hurt him to know how much pain you carried at such a young age.  “When did it become physical for you?”

“I think about freshman year of high school… Or around that time, I’m not really sure.” The shutter in your voice gave truth to your pain. How it all still lingered, how it always will. 

“Why then? What changed after those years?” Jake’s voice was soft, not an ounce of judgement ran through it.

“People started noticing me. They noticed how outcasted I was and began to bully me. It’s one thing me to hate myself, but when other people started to vocalize what I had been thinking for years it wrecked me. It was like they were giving truth to all the things I thought. It wasn’t my choice to be alone anymore, they surrounded me with their judgment and exiled me. Looking back at it now, what they use to say sounds so dumb.” You rolled your eyes at the thought of it all.

Jake smiled at your expression, “What did they say about you?”

“Oh ya know I was overweight so they called me fat and ugly. Plus, I wore men’s clothing and had an undercut, so they called me a dyke and a lesbian. I got so defensive…”

“Well Y/N you do like women too!” He raised his eyebrow at you, tilting his head slightly forward with a smirk.

“Yes Jacob I know this!” You laughed out, “Time really does change your perspective on things.”

“That’s very true. If someone called you a dyke today you would probably just agree with them and walk away” He chuckled at the idea of it. You were so confident in sexuality now, to think of a time where you weren’t was hard to imagine.

“You love your masculine girlfriend, don’t deny it.” You leaned in and placed a heavy kiss to Jake’s lips. He hummed into it, pulling away slightly to place his forehead to yours.

“I do… Mostly because you have a great style and I can steal your clothes.” You huffed in response, pushing him back slightly sending him into a quick fit of giggles. Seconds of silence followed, quietly resettling the serious tone into the room.

“I was so young and insecure,” you explained, “ I didn’t want anyone to look at me in general, let alone in a negative way. It got really bad. I was heckled in the hallways, even got shoved against the lockers once. People posted shit about me on twitter. I really couldn’t get away from it anywhere. My home life was terrible, my parents didn’t pay attention to me. So I uhh, kinda just shut off my emotions. I became numb to it all. I just took it as it came.”

Jake’s hands found their way to your thighs, tracing patterns as he listened intently. “Did you tell anyone?” He questioned.

“No.” Your eyes dropped away from his, staring at his hands that seemingly froze at your uncharacteristically short reply.

Jake lightly pressed his fingers into your skin, grounding himself to you before asking, “Why not?” 

“I thought I deserved it.” Tears were in your eyes now, welling up quickly, one falling directly onto Jake’s hand as you tilted your head up seeing that his eyes mirrored yours.

“Oh Y/N…” He said more to himself than to you.

“And ya know, it wasn’t scary to me. It was so normal. Rock bottom was my new home.” You sniffled before continuing. “Being numb doesn’t last forever though, your mind craves emotion, it craves some sort of feeling. I needed to feel something, but emotions weren’t an option.” A steady flow of tears were gracing your cheeks, the kind that weren’t accompanied by a sob. They were lonely tears reminiscent of a time were you were as well. 

“I was in the shower one day shaving my legs and I accidentally cut my ankle with the razor. I jumped, obviously, because it hurt. I watched the blood run down the drain. Then I did it again to my thigh. Over and over and over again.”  Jake pulled you into a hug then, needing to hold you while you continued, crying on his shoulder, gripping onto the back of his flannel.

“I did it because I could control it, ya know? For that short moment I was in charge of the feeling, even if that feeling was pain. I kept it to my thighs and my hips in order to hide it. I didn’t want anyone to see them and think I was weak, or attention seeking. It was the opposite of that. They are covered in little white lines, but my tattoos cover most of them.” Jake pulled back from the hug and wiped your tears away with both of his thumbs.

“But you have three on your wrist.” He was confused. “You hid them on your thighs and hips, why switch for a moment to your wrist?” He looked at you expectantly, but you didn’t reply. You just stared at him blankly. “Y/N, you don’t have to tell me, if you can’t love. You’ve already given me so much, you don’t have to.” 

You shook your head, “No. Thank you, but I need to... I want you to know.” A small smile flashed onto your lips, but quickly fell. 

Jake nodded along with you, ready to listen to whatever you were willing to tell him, “Okay love.”

“My wrist was um, the last time I did it.” You looked at him, waiting for a comment. The way he looked at you warmed your skin. His eyes were glistening with tears, yet he was fully invested in everything you had to say. His eyes shifted down, quickly blinking to clear his vision, before he spoke just above a whisper.

“Why your wrist though?” His eyes took yours into their stare, depicting his love for you in one look. You were letting him see into your soul and make a home there. You looked back to him with the same sense of affection. Your eyes were strong, open wide enough for Jake to see them dilate as you thought. The small line between your brows became evident as your mouth slipped down at the sides. You eyes never looking away from Jake’s.

“That’s where I could hit my artery the easiest.” A frightening sense of clarity came through your voice as you spoke, a juxtaposition to your normal fluctuating tone filled with untamed pitches. You were sure in your words. 

Witnessing Jake process what you meant was almost as painful as experiencing it. His eyes squinted quickly in confusion at your statement. Not understanding what your meant, his eyebrows knotted as his head quickly shook, as if he was shuffling all of his thoughts into place. After a moment his eyes grew wide in realization, diving into yours with a look that you can only describe as fear laced with heartbreak, as if he was silently asking you for confirmation to what he never wanted to hear. When you nodded your head slightly tears immediately filled his eyes, running down his face falling onto his shirt. 

“Y/N.” His voice cracked, losing strength at the thought of you trying to take your own life.

You cried with him. Seeing Jake so upset was enough to make you sob, but seeing him be so distraught over the pain that you felt so long ago... The idea that someone cares for you so much, so much to cry for you, to cry with you. The idea was overwhelming. Overwhelming with love, so much love. 

You placed your right hand to Jake’s cheek, softly caressing it as he leaned in, tilting his head into your hand. 

“But I failed. I’m alive.” You couldn’t help but smile at the sweet man in front of you who sniffled as you spoke. “It was the failure that lead me to so much success. I got the help I needed, I figured out who I was. Who I REALLY was, in a healthy perspective. For a while I didn’t know what to do with myself. Being happy was so unfamiliar, it was terrifying, at times it still can be. I had to learn what if felt like to feel again. After years of my mind telling me I wasn’t worthy of happiness, I finally got it. I worked my ass off for it.”

Jake pulled you into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around you as he spoke softly into your ear.

“You are so strong. How you are still so kind and loving after going through hell amazes me.” He pulled back in order to look into your eyes once again, leaving his hands resting on the sides of your neck. “I am so happy that you failed, that you’re still here. You deserve to be here. Your soul is far too beautiful to leave the Earth so soon.” 

Crimson raised to your cheeks at his compliments, still is awe at how someone so wonderful thinks the same of you.

“I love you, ya know” He quirked up a smile at his own words causing you to giggle.

“Yes, I know. I love you too.” 

You both fell into a trance of admiration and bliss, only to be interrupted by Jake’s eyebrow raising in question. 

“What’s that look for?” You laughed at you pressed your finger to his eyebrow, jokingly pushing it back into place.

“Why didn’t you get a tattoo to cover the scars on your wrist? I mean you covered the ones on your thighs and hips and you have other tattoos as well, so why not here?” He pressed his thumb to the light white lines, once again examining them, noticing how they are slightly raised to the touch.

“I don’t really know honestly. I thought about it for a little while, after I got my hips done, but I kinda like them, as a reminder ya know? As if they are a tattoo of their own variety, there to show me what I’ve been through. That if I can make it out of that alive, I can do anything.” Your hand joined Jake’s as you spoke, gently running your finger over your physical memories. Jake huffed in response.

“Wow...” He looked at you baffled, trailing off at the end of his word.

“Wow?” You giggled at his blunt comment.

“You’re amazing.” He kissed you sweetly, holding your face in his hands before abruptly pulling back, dramatically opening his mouth in shock before smirking at you.

“I just can’t believe that I get to date the strongest, kindest, most beautiful dyke in the world. It’s a fucking honor.” 

“JACOB!” You cackled at his comment.

“What? I love my sexually ambiguous girlfriend.” He shrugged his shoulders as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“You’re damn right you do. I’m fucking great.” You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him into a longing kiss. 

“I’m glad you’re here, ya know?” Jake said with his lips still brushing yours.

“Me too.”

_________________________________________

Self indulgent much? HA!

I hope you enjoyed, as always let me know what you think and all that jazz. I haven't written something in forever, so this feels good.

Tags: @bigthighsandstupidguys @dontumisfire @myownparadise96  

do you guys even remember asking to be on my tagged list? That shit was ages ago! 

If you’d like to be tagged in all my fics shoot me a message.

Thank you so much.

All my love,

Trish.

[gencat21]

Unexpected • Lee Taeyong (1)

(I did not give the boyfriend a name, not worth it haha.)

Autumn is just beautiful, watching the trees turn orange and how the floor was often full of their leaves was the most pretty and annoying thing for you. You love the cold breeze hitting your face, love the taste of coffee on your tongue, and love walking peacefully with your boyfriend talking about how your day has gone before going to the next class in half an hour. "I may be getting a good job as a music teacher. My piano teacher has been recommending me to a lot of people and after winning that competition last summer I've been getting a lot of emails. Also, a company contacted me, and they are interested in the songs I've written." You explain with enthusiasm, while he observed you with that smile of his.

"My little future Beethoven. Everybody wants you. But not as much as I do." He gets closer to kiss your forehead sweetly, but your thoughts are somewhere else, keeping you to react to his sweetness.

"There's even an offer abroad. Can you believe that?"

His smile turn softly to a straight line while he looks at you in disbelief. He wanted to smile for you, but he can't fake a smile. "Are you really considering that one?"

"It's on the states, but it's the best offer I've ever gotten."

"You really are, wow." He steps backward and laughs ironically. "I mean so little to you that you take that decision without even consulting it with me?" And your mouth fells open at how mad he was getting by the second. You were expecting to see him happy for you, after all it was an offer that you couldn't turn down.

"You don't have to get mad about this," you say sweetly so he would calm down, but he was looking somewhere else with a frown, which was starting to make you mad as well. "I have time to think about until graduation but I won't be turning that one down just because you want me to."

"How can you be so selfish?" And with that your sweet side disappear in the thin air. He was really saying that to you as if he wasn't thinking about his own words and you think it's useless to talk to him right now because he was getting madder.

"I have classes right now."

"Your class starts in 25 minutes."

"Well, I left a piano in the dance room, and the teacher needs it." That's wasn't a lie. So you take your leave trying to brush your boyfriend off your mind, but you were still thinking about the conversation you just had. "Calling me selfish when he was being selfish too, who does he even think he is? He's not my father, is the freaking crazy." You ramble while walking obviously mad to the practice room hating the fact that you left it there this morning. Why did you agree to play piano on the ballet presentation one week away? Yes, it was going to make everything more beautiful, but now you had more things to do.

You find Ten on the way and stop ranting to approach him without saying anything. You hold his wrist and continue walking, deciding by yourself that he was going to help you to move the keyboard from one side of campus to the other. "Why are you so mad today? Are you going to kill me?" He asks with that smile you loved and hated, he smiles way too much. A beautiful smile like that should be totally illegal.

"I hate men,"

"Are you becoming lesbian now?"

"No, women judge way too much. I hate them as well." You end up saying and laugh because of the conversation.

"Where are you taking me? Our class is the other way."

"Just help me move the keyboard, I will pay you back with fruit."

"But I hate fruits,"

"I know,"

"If you give me fruits I will throw it at you. But I'll accept tea." You like him as a friend. You've always wondered why you both weren't actually closer since he was a sweet and nice person to be around. But you had two different lives, so you just were glad that you both had a lot of classes in common, and that was enough for you. He made classes shorter by sitting with you, and you were thankful. Shortly, you both arrive at the building, and from that distance, you could hear the loud music playing in the dance room. The closer you got, the louder it was. The door was partially open, so you carefully approach the door to spy on whoever was dancing inside.

Inside the dance, room was a guy moving his body to the rhythm of the music. You never had the talent to dance that upbeat kind of music, leaving classical music as your cup of tea, but doesn't change the fact that you wish you could dance the way he can. Ten behind you peeks for a second as well and then taps your shoulder to get your attention. "Y/n, we need to go." Reminding you that your walk back was not short. Sadness covers your eyes since you wanted to see the end of the choreography, even if it was only the guy's back you were seeing. but you know he's right. Your eyes travel to Ten, who just shrugs at you. Suddenly the music stops.

His familiar face was turned to your direction, glancing at you with nothing more than a frown. "Who gave you the right to spy me?" His voice sends shivers down your spine because of how pissed he was of being spied.

"I wasn't," you step inside and your index finger points to your piano in a corner, his eyes follow your finger and then he looks again at you.

"Take it quick and leave, you're wasting my time." You avoid his gaze since it was a little intimidating sometimes. You've been used to seeing that guy for... As long as you can remember. For some strange reason, your paths are the same. Same high school, and weirdly, same art school. But you've never heard his voice until now, you've never had the chance to have a conversation, and you never wanted to. He's always had the bad boy aura, and you wanted nothing to do with it. He's always been the pretty bad boy that you made sure not to cross paths with, even though it was impossible

You know he never noticed you before, and hat even when he was a bad boy you had nothing to worry about because your social life was completely different. Until now that his scary gaze was following you around the room, watching your every move and that makes you uneasy. For a reason, they named him the scary pretty guy back on your school days. "Are you going to be here all day?" Ten asks Taeyong casually, you forgot they were friends for a moment there, but it was luck to you, since for that reason he stopped looking at you.

"Almost, we'll be waiting for you. Jaehyun and Johnny are on their way here right now, Mark went out a couple minutes ago."

"I have piano classes right now and then I will be free," he picks up your keyboard while you silently take the stand and make your way out of the room, glad that Ten distracted Taeyong. "See you in two hours." You hear him say, followed by him leaving the room behind you. You felt you could finally breathe, surprised that as soon as he stare at you, your breathing stop. He was breathtakingly handsome, but that was not the reason why you felt like that. Was the bad boy aura he has. "He just hates people seeing his choreographies when is not finished." Ten explain to you due to the silence that you hold.

"I don't care," you don't.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

8:23 pm says your phone when a text message pops up. You gasp in shock, realizing that you had been there longer than expected. It was normal for you to lose track of time when you were composing, but this time the hours really went by quicker than expected. You parted ways with Ten at five when your class ended, by staying in the piano classroom and played until the message from your boyfriend brought you back to reality. You slowly pick up your stuff, throwing your phone inside your bag not wanting to even read his text. But as soon as you step out of the building, your phone starts to vibrate, letting you know you had a call.

Annoyed, you look for your phone on your bag to see him calling you. "Yes?"

"I'm in the parking lot, let me take you home." His normal sweet voice appears on the other side, you roll your eyes in response as if he could see you. You just stayed silent on the entrance looking at your feet. "Or at least let's talk. I can't stand the fact of falling asleep while being mad at each other." Not standing the silence anymore. "Please."

"Sure, see you in a bit." The walk to the parking lot was the shortest walk you've ever had on the campus, you did not want to talk about anything right now because you were starting to see the real him. The not very supportive one, the one that may hold you back on a future. That may be the real one, and you were not ready to actually meet him. But you have to. His figure is against his car in the parking lot where there were only two cars, his and another way a few lots to the right. His eyes were on you the whole walk to his car, and you dont know what to feel about it. "Look, I thought about it,"

"Are you staying?"

" I—” you stop talking realizing you were about to raise your voice after that, and take a deep breath. "I will not make that decision right now, but I want you to be on my side and understand me instead of being against me. This is my future we're talking about in here.” you express your feeling, glad that he was listening to you in silence. " Do you understand?"

"But you can have a nice future, what is the matter with staying here?" He does not understand

"I do not know what I will do," you argue. "I just want you to be on my side not matter what decision I make."

"You will stay here with me." He says, as it was so easy, but the way he says it just bothered you. The demanding tone gets on your nerves.

"Stop saying it like that, you don't get to choose what I will do. This is my life."

"Oh, I see. You want to break up with me and fuck every single dude you see, like you went to fuck that guy instead of actually going to class?"

"What are you ta—"

"You thought I didn't see you leaving me alone to go for a guy? And you were still here when is not usual for you to be here? I went to your apartment and your roommate told me you were here. What were you doing?" Your expression shifts to one of disbelief and hurt.

"I can't believe you think I would do something like that to you," saying it was harder than thinking about it. A single tear rolls down your cheek, one that you quickly swipe away. "If you think like that, we have to break up. I'm leaving, and do not fucking call me ever again." You spit, then turn around to walk away containing the tears from falling. You do not want to cry near than man to show how weak you were. Obviously, you are weaker than he is.

You just feel the pain on your wrist and how harshly you are turned around to face him, "That hurts!" You whine, not being able to avoid the look he has. You've never seen his so mad, before, even less looking at you. The feeling of not being able to do anything was frustrating as he held your other wrist too. "Let me go, what are you doing?"

"So I'm right? How many guys have you fucked?"

"Let me fucking go!"

"You forgot you were only mine?"

"Fuck you!" You do not know where the strength to say to that man that had you under his control came out from, neither how by instinct your knee fly between his legs and make him let you go without wanting. Your breathing is audible, and you tell yourself to run away but you could not move at all. In shock, you stare at how he falls on the floor and stays there for a minute. Why could you not move? Why you have to stay there when you could run away and disappear somewhere he could not find you? Why do you wait until he stands up again and without thinking slaps your face so hard you fall on the floor? By then, Isn't it too late? Where did the strong Y/n escape to? He walks again to you, so you look for something around you that you could hit him with, but there's nothing. You close your eyes hard, waiting for whatever he is going to do to you, until the sound of a strong punch makes an appearance, and then you see from the corner of your eye how the man ready to hit you is on the floor holding his face with closed eyes. "Taeyong?" You ask yourself, seeing the familiar clothes you saw in the practice room earlier on the day.

You thought you had seen the scariest look on him, but that was not true. Now you could see what he really looks like when he is mad. Meanwhile, he's punching your now ex-boyfriend like his life depended on it. It was not the fact that he was hitting the man you can't say you don't love anymore, but the fact that you hated violence. Throwing punches in a reckless way like a person body was the easiest thing to hurt. "S—stop!" You voice comes out, but you know there was no way that with the sound of punches he heard you. You crawl to where they are and grab Taeyong's hand so he would stop.

He does and stands up so quickly that you barely could see him running to his car, grabbing something and coming out again. Your ex stands up, and follows him until you see him stop abruptly. That clicking sound just sends panic all over your body. "Do not fucking touch her ever again."

"Man, put that down," he says, giving a few steps backward.

"Taeyong, stop that!"

"I will make sure you don't fucking touch her from now on, if you look at her, if you get near her, even if you fucking think of her I will make sure is the last time you ever do." He spits the words out with some much hatred in his voice that you even lost yours. Your mouth moves like it screaming but you can't hear yourself.

From there, you start seeing how everything goes down on slow motion. How you lose sight of what was going on for a second while Ten sees your state and hugs you. Your tears rolling down in desperation wanting everything to just stop. You see how Jaehyun, Johnny, and Mark appear in the scene trying to calm Taeyong, while your ex gets in his car and leaves without even looking at you once. Mark slowly takes the gun, that God knows why he has it on his car, while Johnny holds Taeyong and says things you can't hear nor see, you just glare over Ten's shoulder and let all the tears come out. Your arms hug him when you see that nothing bad really happened besides the bastard having a black eye and bruises on his face. "It's alright," your sense of hearing lets you hear Ten murmuring it to you while your big sobs become little.

Your eyes go to the man that stares at your crying self on the floor. That anger and hatred disappeared out of the blue, now there was an expression that you could not recognize as he took a few slow steps. Your hands softly push Ten away from you, and as a mechanism of defense you back away. "Do not touch me!" You demand at the man that wanted to get near you and check if you were fine. Taeyong just wanted to ignore your words and get near, but your tears and your shaking hand made him stand still.

"I can explain,"

"Y—you don't need to explain anything to me, I don't want to know," you stand up with a great amount of effort since your legs were shaking the same way your whole body was. You forget about your bag, you just wanted to lock yourself on your apartment and forget it all happened. As if it was possible. You knew all the boys you've crossed paths a few times before where looking at your weak figure trying to walk away, and it was the most heartbreaking thing they have seen. Taeyong notices your bag on the floor, but before he could pick it up Ten does. "You've done enough, I will give it to her and take her home."

Mark gets closer to him before the others and places a hand on his shoulder when your figure besides Ten's disappears from their sight. "Let's go,"

Taeyong takes his hand off of his shoulder softly. "Please don't touch me," calmly says before starting to walk to his car.

(Any mistakes I didn't see, please let me know so I can change it. Thank you!)