#a 2023 one...to be completely honest I don't really read the stories so I'm not sure if their relationship is still Bad

[octolingrendezvous]

there are no strings on me

[syrikif]

Gamer Etiquette

Kodzuken x Streamer!Y/N

Pairing: Kenma Kozume x Fem!Reader

Genre: SMAU + Written, Strangers to Lovers, Romance, Fluff, Humor, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Streamer/Youtuber AU

Content Warnings: Sexual jokes/content, mention of death threats, mature language

Upcoming content creator/streamer, Y/N, has gone viral for lots of things. Her infamous dumb moments, her blended cookie recipe (which tastes better than it sounds), the way she rages at her friends during games, and about a hundred more.

But her most recent viral moment? Accidentally knocking famous streamer, Kodzuken, off the Bedwars map and making him lose his two year winning streak.

Now with more attention (and hate) than she ever asked for, her only option left is to go to the source: the man himself, Kenma Kozume.

Created: October 6, 2023 Completed: (Ongoing) Update Schedule: I’m currently in the process of moving so just whenever I can :)

Masterlist:

Important Profiles: Y/N's Group Kenma's Group Prologue: Daddy Kink Cat Distribution System Chapter 1: Thirst Trap Hospital Food Chapter 2: Bedwars 🖊 Boredom 🖊 Chapter 3: Trending One Game Chapter 4: Calm Guilt 🖊 Chapter 5: Unhinged One in a Million Chapter 6: Cuddle Buddies 🖊 Casual Chapter 7: Rating The Cat Girl Chapter 8: A Dozen Men Little Things 🖊 Chapter 9: Scaredy Kitten Disappearing Act Chapter 10: Chapter 11: tbc . . .

Author's Notes:

Hey guys! This is my first post on Tumblr and the first SMAU I've ever written. Which, kudos to everyone else who makes SMAU's because they are a lot of work.

Just some basic info before you begin reading:

Y/N uses she/her pronouns and is feminine presenting.

Every chapter will have two parts, one part from Y/N's point of view and one part from Kenma's; the order will differ depending on the chapter.

Every update will be a double post so make sure you know you’re reading the correct one first, and reading both of them.

Time stamps don't really matter unless explicitly written by me so you can just ignore them :)

There will be both written and social media elements; written parts will be marked with a pen (🖊).

And I'm gonna be honest, while I love the anime I haven't actually watched it in a long time and I was never able to finish season three. That being said, if anything I write seems out of character for anyone just bear with me I'm trying my best lol.

Please feel free to give me any feedback and/or criticism to help me improve. And if any of the links aren't working just let me know and I'll try to get it fixed ASAP.

If you have any questions, don't feel too shy and reach out if possible; I promise I'll answer to the best of my ability.

(Also, just comment if you'd like to be on the taglist.)

Hope you enjoy the story :)

[aidaronan]

✨Fic Writing Review 2023✨

Tagged by the incomparable @greatunironic and my beloved @wynnyfryd.

Words and Fics

58, 889 words published on ao3

Plus at least 14,975 or so words of unpublished things that are started and incomplete.

At least 30 new ideas and/or WIPs.

8 published fics on ao3 + some new additions to the drabble/ficlet collection + many tumblr fics/microfics

One completed collab with @sparkle-fiend and one collab (two really) with @sparklyslug in the works

Two monsterfucker fics influenced by the Steddie FanExpo NoLa crew and getting crossfaded as fuck in the French Quarter after meeting Guiseppe Quintilliano.

Top 3 by kudos

Cassiopeia, Orion, Bootes (aka he was a gator boi) Like I Always Do (post-starcourt hurt comfort) Nothing Hurts (Like Your Mouth) (oops! all monsters. vamp eddie and were steve banging in a mausoleum)

Fandom Events in 2023

Lex's Spicy Six Spring Fanworks Challenge

Multiple @steddiemicrofic challenges: read here.

Upcoming Projects

Two Stranger Things Reverse Big Bang fics. Hilariously, neither of them are Steddie as the main pairing, but I think at least one is likely to hit novella length. I can't say a lot due to secrecy, but I feel safe saying one is a gen fic and one is f/f.

One tiny baker!steve/rockstar!eddie collab with @sparklyslug, hopefully out this holiday season.

One bigger collab with @sparklyslug in the spring if we keep our enthusiasm together long enough.

Will keep trying to plug away at the witches fic. I have, admittedly, lost some enthusiasm for them but I do know where the story is going. If you love this one, please be loud at me but in a non-demanding way lmao. I need you.

Two Fandom Trumps Hate fills of at least 10k for @withacapitalp and my dearest, Andi.

Eddie Bio project.

???Who Knows??? But there will probably be monstercock involved.

Some personal chat, rules, and tags under the cut.

Doing some oversharing because I'm starting to think it's vital that we all are honest about our struggles so we don't feel alone and so we know we're not failures. We're just people.

It's been a low production year for me. It's been a difficult year in general, but sometimes change is hard even when it's change you need.

Over half my year was eaten up with job hunting, moving, and trying to adjust while feeling the depressive effects of not having a local friend/support network yet or enough money for whatever the fuck the economy is, esp in this area relative to my salary. A good deal of my body of works for 2023 were written pre-move. Hell, a good deal of them were written in the first quarter. (Which, btw, shout out to anyone else who often feels a bittersweet sort of regret at not being productive in the current internet environment where you feel like you're old news if you can't keep up an unsustainable output. I love you, same, it's prob not true anyway, and here are 200 forehead kisses. <33) All of that said, I'm feeling much better lately. I've been reading again. Writing again. Feeling like I'm living again. I'm looking forward to another arbitrary border of time and on filling that border with joy, especially queer joy and weird joy and the intersection of both of those. As they say: let's fucking gooo.

I still love it here. I know steddie won't be forever for me, just like other ships before them weren't forever for me. But I'm having fun and have been really enjoying some of the connections made in this little sandbox.

On that note:

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please do eat glass, I’ve heard it’s good for your gums. Tagging, even though I know some people have already been tagged: @sparklyslug, @wormdebut, @banannabethchase, @just-my-latest-hyperfixation @messessentialist @rainbow-nerdss @plutosrose @thefreakandthehair and anyone else. @ everyone who keeps this fandom rippin' and roarin', kissing you, kissing you, kissing you

[windswept-fields]

My favorites of 2023

I wanted to make little wrap up of 2023, so here are my favorite movies and performances from 2023

Top Five Favorite movies

#5 The Hunger Games: The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snake - dir. Francis Lawrence

I am a YA/dystopian boy through and through. I thought this was a very faithful adaptation and very visually stunning. The performances were all great and I just really liked it. However, I had my problems with the book itself and I felt the movie didn't do a great job truly villainizing Snow (I found him too likable until like the end of the film) All in all though a fun watch.

#4 Saltburn- Dir. Emerald Fennell

If there's one thing I'm gonna do on this account, It's support a boy's wrongs. This movie has so many visual details and story details, it truly blows my mind. The soundtrack? Banger after banger. I'd never heard Murder on The Dance Floor before this movie but now I want to dance around a mansion to it. The cast? I mean just look at them. I do think occasionally this movie occasionally felt like it was just being shocking for shocking's sake and I got a little tired of it.

#3 Spiderman: Across The Spider-Verse- Dir. Kemp Powers, Justin K. Thompson, and Joaquim Dos Santos

I love art. There's no other way to say it. I am in love with creativity. The amount of details that are in this movie are so utterly mind blowing that every time I read about a new one, I feel like I have to rewatch this movie. The first Spider-verse film is an absolute masterpiece and this movie was not about to disappoint it. From the voice performances to the bleeding-water color, to animating on every other frame, this movie just had me floored. I hope it wins an Oscar for best animated feature or I'm throwing shit. I do want the second part before I fully judge the story but so far I think this is one of the best superhero stories in a while

#2 Barbie- Dir Greta Gerwig

I have never cried harder to a Nikki Minaj song. But actually, this movie made me fall in love with the simple act of being alive. It's a movie about a doll and yet its about enjoying life and growing up and how everything's so messy and it's so beautiful and we're so beautiful and I just. I get it. I get why Barbie wanted to be a human. We are all so fascinating. The ending montage alone is enough to make anyone with a heart cry. I hope that one day everyone is as in love with the world around them as this movie made me.

#1 Asteroid City- Dir. Wes Anderson

If you don't know the I'm Wes Anderson's number 1 fan, I'm doing something wrong. Truth be told, I didn't get this movie at first. I left the theater knowing that there was some deeper meaning but...what? So I thought about it for two weeks and then it hit me. There is no clear answer. There's no clear answer because the actors can't find a clear answer. There's no clear answer because the in-universe playwright didn't write one and maybe Anderson himself didn't write one. The movie has clear themes of grief and love and identity but at the end of the day what you choose to make of it is all up to you. There's also a lot to be said about how the play is existential and about uncertainty in the future and I think that's another reason I liked Asteroid City. I'm always so worried about the future. It terrifies me. But what can I do. And with that I once again realized that Wes Anderson was truly genius, and I don't think I'll ever see a film quite like Asteroid City again.

Favorite performances from each film

#5 Rachel Zegler as Lucy Gray Baird

I never got the hatred for Rachel Zegler. She was absolutely phenomenal in the 2021 West Side Story and she ate up Lucy Gray Baird. I just felt through the screen that Rachel understood her role so well. She played Lucy to all her vulnerability and strength and goddamn I am in love with her voice!! The old therebefore gave me absolute chills.

#4 Allison Oliver as Venetia Catton

being complete honest she's who I wanted to be in like middle school. Allison Oliver managed to play her as both such a free spirit and then to haunted on such the drop of the dime. From her subtle emotions to her snapping at Oliver in the bathtub she had me eating out of the palm of her hand. She would've loved Tumblr.

#3 Shameik Moore as Miles Morales

He had me laughing, crying, cheering and getting goosebumps the whole time. The absolute power Shameik Moore gives Miles is truly what tie the whole movie together. I feel like his performance often gets overshadowed for some of the bigger names in the cast and I truly find that shame. He gives Miles such a powerful and realistic portrayal that I admire it so deeply. From "Nah, I'mma do my own thing." to his conversations with Gwen to arguments with his parents, Shameik Moore makes Miles feel like a teenager who's trying to figure out who he is and a superhero saving a multiverse from collapsing

#2 Margot Robbie as Barbie

I'm fucking sick of only hearing Ryan Goslings name mentioned when we talk about the BARBIE movie! It is Margot's movie!! SHE ATE THAT SHIT UP!! She managed to so subtly bring in the changes of barbie being only a doll to being a real person. She provides so much of the movies comedy too. Her laying down crying had me wheezing not gonna lie. But she also shows us that how strong Barbie is and how she's so multi-faceted.She is truly someone little girls should see and be inspired by. Margot truly brought Barbie to life in all the ways that the audience and the script needed. She had me laughing, crying and smiling so goddamn wide the whole film. Here's to you, Margot.

#1 Jason Schwartzman as Augie Steenback/Jones Hall

It was the year of Schwartzman and nowhere was the proved more than in Asteroid City. Here we see, Jason Schwartzman playing and actor playing a single dad war photographer. Schwartzman manages to play all these layers so well, letting them blend together through on intense common factor: grief. Jones' grief bleeds into Augie in such a fascinating way that you might not even realize at first. It's so subtle and yet, it complete makes the performance. When we see Jones on his own a few times, though Jason Schwartzman manages to make him feel like a completely different man than Augie. The entire scene from Jones walking offstage to us being returned to 'Asteroid City' is truly some of my favorite acting of the year. Even through subtle expressions, we can truly see everything that Jones is experiencing. It's just such a sight to watch and it blows me away.

Some honorable film and performance mentions

Oppenheimer- Dir Christopher Nolan. Good film but a little too long if you ask me. Sorry!

Fav performance- Emily Blunt as Kitty Oppenheimer. She might not have been in a lot of the film but she stuck with me

Renfeild- Dir Chris McKay. Sorry I like fun camp! sue me!

Fav performance- Nic Cage as Dracula. I'm sorry Nic Cage is just so goddamn funny

Poison- Dir. Wes Anderson. Maybe the real snake was the Benedict Cumberbatch we met along the way.

Fav performance- Dev Patel as Woods. Wes please cast Dev Patel in a longer on of your films he ate this up.

Five Nights at Freddy's- Dir. Emma Tammi. I wanted to like it more but it felt like 3 different films until the last 20 minuets

fav performance- Matthew Lilard as William Afton. I want Stu Macher back after this.

The Swan- Dir. Wes Anderson. (Last time I mention Wes in this post I swear.) Hey Wesley! Quick question! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?? Thank youuuu!

Fav performance- Rupert Friend as Narrator/Peter Watson. Yeah he was the only guy speaking and he carried! The one moment where he breaks the stoic delivery and truly pleads for them to not kill the swan? Wow.

Gaurdians of The Galaxy Vol 3- Dir James Gunn. I have never cried over cgi this hard in my life!

Bradley Cooper as Rocket. Just hearing him scream sob almost had me open mouth sobbing in public.

Scream 6- Dir. Matt Bettinelli-olpin, Tyler Gillet. Starting to get real pissed at radiosilence.

fav performance- Jasmin Savoy-Brown as Mindy Meeks-Martin. She's so funny, I love her.

If y'all want I also have a favorite tv shows of 2023 post

[albywritesfiction]

Aro anon here! Dw, I've never felt that you as the author was pushing us to hate Ædan for not loving MC back. I think you've done fairly well, sort of, holding court(?) and showcasing asks without pushing any particular viewpoints.

Important addendum to my thoughts: I personally don't mind being uncomfy! like, not in this instance. Some fiction should be uncomfortable, especially attempting to delve into certain topics. It might be the only way to do it with honestly. It's worth it to read about the raw reactions Ædan gets. I don't want to police people's feelings on the matter - I think that's weird when we're talking fiction. Or worse, for any anons to be less honest going forward! But i do want to encourage self-examination, and give my own honest, first-reaction perspective to consider

I appreciate that you aren't planning to glorify sentiments like that, but i do hope you won't shy away from it altogether. Like, romance is messy, it can cause a lot of "ugly" feelings, and u should get to write the messiest version possible in a romance game 😂 where else to explore this? It'd be different if i was giving advice to a friend about a guy, but this is a story. Pls dw about making MC have "correct" feelings. Indulging in being vengeful, petty, or utterly enamoured with Ædan in the complete opposite direction from before could be really fun! MC being angry at Ædan specifically for not loving MC back is normal, and I think it'd make sense as an option in-game. But it'd be best, I think, to have varied reaction to this in-game. I think it'd be an interesting bit of characterization too, seeing who'd support MC unilaterally in this and who'd give more push-back against an MC who thinks like this.

e.g i think people already want the option to shove their happy relationship with Ædrick/Cyffrin in Ædan's face. There could definitely be a "if you'd picked me, you could've been this happy too 😒" bend to it 😂 so many possible reactions from everyone involved to be had:

Is Ædan actually jealous? What if not? I feel like he already knows his life would've been exponentially easier if he was in love with MC, but he had a decade and still couldn't force it. He knows what he'd feel like in a relationship with MC - utterly miserable. Maybe he'd just be happy that MC has found the happiness he feels with Helene in Ædrick/Cyffrin and say so. Would a Vengeance!MC be incensed about that?? What if Ædan was jealous and regreful! Would MC be pleased with that? Just openly gleeful? How do Ædrick/Cyffrin feel about being used for this so transparently? Or about an MC that's still so focused on Ædan, has such strong reactions to Ædan's opinions, even in a relationship with them?

Messy messy messy 🤗

Hi aro Anon! I was really glad to receive this from you as soon as I had posted my response to your ask, and I'm sorry it's taken me quite a while to respond to this one 😓

It's quite a relief to hear that I don't seem to be biased towards any one version of things. I've been kind of worried about deciding what things should I put a reasonable limit on so that ATE doesn't become too overwhelming to work on while balancing it with the interactivity and branching narratives that I want to delve into, so I'm glad to hear that it doesn't sound like ATE's turning into more of a kinetic rather than interactive novel just yet 😅

I'm glad to hear that you're open-minded about reading, even for works that may go beyond your comfort zone. I especially like how you, in your own words, "want to encourage self-examination, and give my own honest, first-reaction perspective to consider."

I also greatly appreciate all the insights and thoughts you've shared, especially about romance in fiction, the variation in responses to the entire mess Ædan created, and the potential spaghetti of emotions that the cast may experience 🤭

I've reread your ask more times that I can count since I received it all the way back in November 2023 in my attempt to write a sufficient response, and each time I did, I've felt grateful that you took the time to write such a detailed, insightful, and reassuring ask, so I'd like to thank you for sending in this ask, aro Anon, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night!

[hannahssimblr]

For Simblr Gratitude Day!

This year, 2023 has been a really really amazing year for me creatively. I wrote over 270K words, I started and finished both parts 2 and 3 of Lucky Girl and I started Lucky Boy! When I began writing last year I really didn't see myself at this point, having written so much, having improved so much, and most importantly, having falling completely head over heels for this amazing community

Without the support and amazing feedback from so many people I would have quit a long time ago, but coming here and talking to you guys and being so incredibly inspired by other work is what really pushed me past the finish line. I want to express my gratitude for every single person who engaged with me this year, for those who liked and commented and shared and left me questions and anon asks, and even those who didn't, and just read along in silence - I see you there! You can't hide! Thank you so much.

This graph only shows my top 10, but I reached over 50 countries this year! that's pure mad.

You can see that it's the Americans and the British who really came through for me, and I'm sorry for poking gentle fun at you in my story - I know you are more than semi-automatic machine guns, UFOs & undesirable tourists, you know how it is, we're like the ignored middle child between you two and I'd be going against my cultural heritage if I didn't act up a little bit.

Most importantly I want to thank specific people today! Starting with @armoricaroyalty for making this day happen, and @daniigh0ul for coming up with the idea. I'm really excited to get to know you both much better in the new year & finally find the time to start reading your stuff - I've heard only good things.

to @sirianasims for poking me to join the writers group that has now absolutely swallowed up my free time (in a good way lmao) and for being hilarious and fun and just generally a gorgeous, open and supportive person. I've been reading Siri's story lately and I INSIST you check it out - I'm on gen 3 and completely obsessed by the thought that goes into this, the complexity of the relationships and really sensitive exploration of difficult material.

to @lynzishell for always being so positive and engaged, always taking the time to leave thoughtful comments and get genuinely excited over everyone's work! I'm DUG INTO her legacy, which is still on gen 1 and it makes my day better every single time I see an update from her - and I'm not even just saying that to be nice. It's an honest to god thrill for me to get to read about her characters. I'm beyond excited for what she's going to do in the new year

@mannylikessims deserves a shout out too for writing some of the best and funniest simlit I've had the pleasure of reading in a long time. Those Villarreal kids (and Jacques, obviously) have me on the edge of my seat. I feel insatiable for this story, like, give me more, all of the time. Just shovel it into my mouth. Manny has also brought me to literal tears with her comments. It's rare enough that you meet a reader that seems to truly understand what you're trying to say in your work - like, right to the heart of it, and Manny is one of those people.

I've just recently started reading @rebouks Somnium and Forever In Between (Don't do what I did if you haven't read yet - start with Somnium) and when I say I am HOOKED I mean it. The visuals alone are enough to make me want to burst into tears with the knowledge that I will never wrangle something so beautiful from the game, but you know what, that's okay, because I can come here and sob over Becca's work instead. I'm not even halfway through and I'm already bowled over by the character development, the dialogue, the humour, everything. The only thing I wish is that I had unlimited free time and 0 commitments so I could absolutely consume this work in one sitting, but I guess savoring it is good too.. Thank you Becca for pure inspiration <3

@pixelnrd for The Langston Legacy, a decades challenge which was actually the first sims 4 legacy I ever read - I stumbled across it on my very first day on simblr and I've loved loved loved it every since. The visuals are gorgeous, the story lines are always engaging, and just about every topic under the sun has been covered now. The dedication to accuracy is really admirable, and now that we've reached the 80s I'm genuinely beginning to feel nostalgic. I always find myself wanting more. I'm so much looking forward to the 90s! (And I can't believe you've made it this far, that's an achievement and a half)

Other storytellers and creators I want to shout out are @simstrashkingdom, @bakersimmer @simmysunset @igglemouse @simsstuph - You guys have created some really great stories this year, and I so long forward to reading more!

To @nexility-sims for creating our wonderful writing group (and for pairing with me) I'm dying to start reading your work properly, because even the small bits I've read have been so beautiful.

And to everyone else in the writing group! I know I have so many stories to catch up on, and I'm very intimidated by that fact, but I know that it means that 2024 holds a lot of exciting times! I want to learn from you all and be inspired and support you, so this is the year I'm going to do it <3

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

___

196. The Alien by K.A. Applegate--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was such an interesting perspective! I wasn't expecting it a few books back and was curious how Applegate would tackle it, especially since we know so little about the character. It definitely added a new pov to the story and I'm excited to see how they are represented in the future after more time has passed and more character development has happened!

I can't say too much because spoilers. But I am genuinely enjoying this series and can't wait to get to the next one!

___

197. The Grip Of It by Jac Jemc--⭐️⭐️

If there is one thing this confusing and jarring book did really well, it is the representation of what it might be like to slowly fall into madness. The way the characters worked off each other in their madness and the way the dialogue and chapters worked together to create a choppy and disorienting dialogue was genius.

What wasn't so genius was how confused I was most of the time. There are so many unanswered questions and the story is full of confusing moments. I know that Horror can sometimes truly be a hit or miss and that one person's horror won't be another, but this is the kind of horror that should probably be read more than once to fully grasp just what the hell is actually happening.

I will say that while the structure of the story definitely works in creating the mood of the story, listening to the audiobook was an interesting and frustrating experience. The chapters would end rather abruptly and would often leave me wondering what had just happened.

Overall, this book was everything I was expecting, but also underwhelming in its over-all presentation. It was wild and so brain twisting. I don't know if I'd recommend it, but if I did, I'd recommend reading it slowly and maybe more than once LOL.

___

198. The Island by Adrian McKinty--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE ISLAND was both exactly what I was hoping it would be and still completely different than what I was expecting. I knew it was going to be a ride, but I wasn't prepared for the level of wildness that this book would adopt.

Imagine that you're on vacation with your new husband and his children, shortly after those kids' biological mother has passed away. You're in a country you know close to nothing about (Australia) and being the tourists who should be featured in a horror film, you find yourselves on a small, private island being chased by a trigger happy and aggrieved family. What ensues is something straight out of Hollywood.

I saw this as a cautionary tale for "actions have consequences" and while yes, the consequences here are dire, we have to admit that the catalyst for this was heartbreaking. I think McKinty does a good job of showcasing the dangers of grief and the magic of morally grey characters. Let's be real, the MC and her husband are no saints. They do a pretty twisted thing in order to save their asses and while yes, I was rooting for them and the kids, a corner of my mind couldn't forget the awfulness of their choices.

If you're a parent, this might be a little bit of a rougher read since it does include younger kids in dangerous situations. We get to see an MC who grows as a character in order to make sure these kids survive, but I know some parents, especially those who have younger kids, might have a harder time with stories like this one. Keeping that warning in mind, there were some pretty badass moments, but also some very human ones, as well.

I really enjoyed this and I'm glad I finally picked it up!

___

199. Aesthetica by Allie Rowbottom--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

AESTHETICA was a lot and to be honest, I think that's necessary in the world we live in. So many young people obsessed with social media and their appearance on those apps are incredibly impressionable. What can help them be more famous? What can make them look more beautiful? The exploration of beauty standards and how they affect a young woman, in particular, and those around her can be relatable to at least one reader.

I think that Rowbottom's book is also a great look into generational trauma because of how the MC's mother raised her and how she herself had a level of dislike towards her mom that is a whole other side to this book. While we have the clear main story of the MC regretting the choices she made and dealing with that trauma, we also have her disentangling her love/hate relationship for her ill mother.

AESTHETICA was brought to my attention by an article presenting it as a horror story. In some ways, I can understand that. There is a certain kind of horror behind the trauma of selling yourself in the name of success. There is definitely a particular kind of horror in wanting to face all of the trauma you've faced, to the point where you're set on undoing everything that is the physical proof of that trauma.

Though this is a relatively short book, I think it carries a lot of weight. We see the power of social media and a naive mentality. We see the dangers of those who present themselves in a certain way. And we see the sometimes incredibly complex relationships between mothers and daughters and how deeply entwined these relationships and our own self worth can be. Also, a brief mention on the power of childhood friendships and how they can scar us if they end too soon, or shift in any way that is beyond our control.

I'd recommend this if you want a bit of an acid trip of an exploration into the above mentioned topics.

___

200. Icebreaker by Hannah Grace--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

RE-READ: September 2023:

My library got the audiobook version, so of course I HAD to put a hold on it. I was a little scared I wouldn't love this book as much as I did the first time around, but I'm happy to say that I DID! ICEBREAKER is still one of my favourite romances, if only because of the level of communication between the characters. I also forgot how spicy and full of sexual tension this book was.

Overall, super happy I re-read this. Maybe it'll be a yearly re-read. 😌

___

201. Theodore Boone: Kid Lawyer by John Grisham--⭐️⭐️⭐️

There's something interesting about an older man writing a young kid--especially when his MC mentions in the book that at 13 years old, boys don't even notice girls and actively try to stay away from them. LOL. I actually laughed at that because I was thirteen over twenty years ago and I distinctly remember that not being the case. I just thought that was hilarious and felt super disconnected. Not that I want a romance story in a middle grade book, but just...let's be real. And I mention this first because it happens pretty early on.

Anyway, the MC was a pretty cool kid--he knows everyone and even has a little side gig where he gives advice to his classmates. His smart take on the current case and his enthusiasm jumps off the page. I'm not sure how I will feel about the rest of the series, but we will see!

___

202. Misery by Stephen King--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I went into MISERY knowing that it's a fan favourite. I don't know what I was expecting, but I was a bit let-down. I think that while I did enjoy some aspects of this book and was genuinely freaked out at times, this kind of fell into the same category of THE SHINING for me. When I read THE SHINING, it was incredibly hyped up and even though it DID have a terrifying take on the fall of madness, it was otherwise meh for me.

One of the best things that King does with his writing (or at least back them) was his creation of madness in a character. He somehow knows how to take the most terrifying characteristics of humanity and integrates them really well into his characters. The brutality of this villain was something else, especially when we actively see her professing her love for the MC and then causing him bodily harm.

I think one of the downfalls for me in my reading experience of this was listening to the audiobook. It was disjointed and confused the hell out of me. Maybe physically reading it would have been a wholly different experience, but the disorientation of the audiobook could have either freaked me out or confused me and sadly, it was the latter.

Not my favourite King novel, but I can see why so many love it. Will continue on my reading journey with King's books.

___

203. Natural Beauty by Ling Ling Huang--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Phew, this book was weird and wild and hooked me right from the beginning.

Huang explores so many topics in her skin crawling novel: Racism, social perception of beauty, the addiction the wealthy sometimes have when it comes to "self-care", unexplored sexuality, envy, and SA in the most unusual of ways but could also be an allusion to how the rich can sometimes use money when it comes to getting away with sexual crimes.

I never expected body horror when I picked up NATURAL BEAUTY, but here we are. I remember when that started to show up in the narrative, along with the changing physical body of the MC, I paused what I was doing (while listening to the audiobook) and became even more enthralled. This was such a creepy and genius exploration of societal expectations and the things people will sometimes do to be either "different" or "like everyone else".

There's also an interesting sub-story about the MC's experiences as a child musical prodigy and how that definitely played into her malleability as a victim for the people who would eventually take advantage of her. It definitely played into the stereotypes society has about young Asian children when it comes to classical music.

And somewhere along the way, as the MC is evolving (both metaphorically AND physically), she starts to discovery a side to her sexuality never fully explored. During these scenes, it truly reminded me of the "will they/won't they" that usually accompanies blossoming sexuality--the "I want this, but do I really? But should I? Do THEY want to?" narrative that usually flashes through our minds when we're right on the verge of making that exploration.

Anyway, I'm just rambling now. I really enjoyed this, much more than I thought I would because this book was WEIRD. Like, mind-bending weird. And if it was ever made into a movie, I'd be watching it with the biggest side-eye.

___

Have you read any of these books? Let me know your thoughts!

___

Happy reading!

[mitskook]

a very mitskook 2023 wrap-up

hi everyone

so i didn't write very much in 2023, that much is apparent. now i'm not gonna sit here act like that's a massive loss considering the vast amount of extremely talented writers that produced wonderful work this year, but i am still disappointed in myself from, i guess, a labour of love perspective. i look at the work i have contributed to the fandom over the years and i still have more i want to add, more stories i want to tell (trust me the wip folder makes me weep too).

but every time i wanted to write, the idea of making a love story made me so miserable i had to scrub it from my head. and worse, when i pushed past that obvious discomfort, the love in those stories soured into resentment, rage, and a cruelty i couldn't justify (to this audience at least). particularly with tsdverse, this next installment is about m'boys really grappling with conflicts that have no easy answers (if they have answers at all) and man am i so fucking glad i wrote that flashforward with heejin to keep a north star on where they would end up because if i hadn't, i would've completely shattered them in a misdirected fireball of righteous grief. im glad i had that to hold on to bc i haven't had much else.

my 2023 has been. uh. trying amongst the good stuff (and i promise there was some good stuff) but not this. my mum had a heart attack, i was fired for not coming back to work straight after her surgery, and i was couch surfing and unemployed for long enough i felt like i'd wrecked my life forever. and, of course, i was mourning my relationship that ended at the end of last year, and to be honest i'm still not done with that. that's the absolute joy and misery of tying your heart to someone you're hoping will be around forever: your eyes don't see anything the same anymore, certain songs that come on shuffle make you break down on the tube, you realise huge swathes of your social media presence, including ao3, were built for one person and it wasn't you, and now? all those things are monuments to the emptiness you feel every time you remember they're not in your life anymore.

to be extremely clear, i'm not blaming my ex for these feelings, and if anyone harasses them on my behalf i will personally hunt you down and gut you with a knitting needle, but in missing them as much as i do i realised how inextricable they were from my writing process. i mostly wrote fic to make them happy, to hear their praise and notes and excitement to read the rest, and that was unfair on everyone; me, them, and you (if you look forward to my work, i don't wanna presume lmao). that's too much pressure to put on someone who just wasn't interested in bangtan rpf anymore, and that's normal, it's okay to move on from that, but it meant even before the breakup i didn't know who i was doing it for anymore. that level of directionlessness (<- not a word but whatever) gummed up those creative gears until they had no choice but to stop.

anyway to maybe cap this pity party a bit, i want to start sharing my writing more on here, and i won't wait for people to clamour to let me know that that's wanted bc again, i need to start rebuilding my confidence in my writing and feeling out where i fit into this community after basically silently moping around for a full year. i want to sincerely thank everyone who's ever read my work. i won't promise to do anything but my best, and in the meantime i'll give all the snippets to you.

lots of love

zeeb "hyperlight" mitskook

[altraviolet]

Hi! Long-time fan of TEG :D I think I’ve been here since it was still in the single digit chapter count actually, always been one of my favorite Transformers fics <3

I’m going to be honest, I stopped reading after I saw the fic rating changed to E, it completely caught me off guard and I was a little disappointed because, like I said TEG is one of my favorite fics, but also I’m not really comfortable reading E content :(

However, I was wondering, if it’s not too much trouble, would you be able to put warnings in the notes of the chapters containing Explixit content letting us know where it starts/ends please? That way we could still read and be able to avoid those parts. I understand if it’s a bit of an arduous task though, so it’s alright if you can’t, I just figured it didn’t hurt to ask (^^)

Again, much love, always been a big fan, and congrats on finishing the fic!! 🎉Hope you get a nice long break, it is certainly well-deserved <3

Hi! Thanks for reading :) I'm glad you enjoyed the part of the story that you did read.

>it completely caught me off guard and I was a little disappointed

It always sucks to hear that someone is disappointed in work you've done. I changed the fic to an E rating months before we reached the actual E rated of content. I announced it on twitter, which is easy to miss, but I also had "#eventual adult content" in the tags and there was a warning in the first chapter that the fic would eventually contain E rated scenes. That tag is gone now because we have reached the adult content, but I know it was there at least by July 2023.

The chapters containing explicit scenes have one or more 🔞 emojis in the a/n at the top. You can skip those chapters if you want. I don't have any plans to put starts/ends warnings now but I will consider it if/when I go through and edit the whole dang thing for typos etc.

Thank you for the well wishes =)

[ardent-fox]

✨ Tag Game Master Post ✨

Hi, all! Catching up on these two games I was tagged in during the holidays 💖

First up, thank you to the lovely @lupeloto for creating and tagging me in this fun Tag Game! 🥰

📺 Favorite tv show? At the moment, Our Flag Means Death (shields self from tomatoes being thrown at her 😁)

🕴️ Favorite character? Oof, this is difficult. Gonna have to go with my precious baby boy, Stede

��� Favorite relationship in the show? Blackbonnet (shocking, I know)

👯‍♂️ Fav sibling relationship in the show? No blood relations but the entire crew is chosen family, so… all of them?

🎨 Favorite art form? Music, with a heavy focus on lyrics/words

⚡️ A talent you wish you had? Being able to draw would be cool

☀️ What is one thing that can always make your day better? My toddler nephew saying the most hilarious things, he's barely 3 and already the funniest person I know

🎬 Favorite fictional character of all time? Atticus Finch (any works he appears in besides To Kill a Mockingbird do not count)

🌅 Dream place to travel to? Thailand or Ireland (either "land" would do, get it? 🧍‍♀️ ...I'll see myself out)

🎈 You’re planning a huge party, what’s the theme? The Masque of the Red Death, get fancy and spooky, bitches 🎭💀

🍕 Favorite pizza topping of all time? All kinds of cheese and extra mushrooms

🥂 You can pick ONE celebrity to have dinner with… Who? Andrew Garfield, {Marge Simpson voice} I just think he's neat

🎥 Favorite movie that you kinda know is bad but you still love? Rocky Horror Picture Show 👄

👖 How would you describe your style? The "I gained a substantial amount of weight in the past 5 years and haven't bought anything new since, so I now wear whatever I can fit into and lots of dresses and skirts cause pants are uncomfortable and shopping for them is a nightmare" style 😬

🖤 Finally, something making you smile this week? My mom's reaction to a present she really wanted, seeing her that touched was soul ascending ✨

----

Next, I got tagged by @deedala, @tanktopgallavich, @suzy-queued and @lupeloto to complete this round of Weekly Tag Wednesday, thank you my darlings! 💙

Name: Lyds

Location: Unknown location in Europe

Astrological Sign: Taurus squaaaad ♉

What's a TV show or movie you plan to re-watch this year? Hubby has never seen Giant, so I'll be rewatching it soon as well as some other classics like Some Like It Hot and Philadelphia Story, I'm sure I'll rewatch Frankie and Johnny for the umpteenth time as well. As far as shows go, I rewatch Our Flag Means Death at least once a month since it's my comfort show, and might do a Shameless rewatch since I've only seen the whole thing once (excluding all the Gallavich scenes)

What's a book or fic you will probably re-read this year? The entirety or The Menagerie by @crossmydna and Honeycomb by @metalheadmickey with artwork by @heymrspatel 💕

What is a song you will likely continue to play on repeat? I've been replaying One Of Your Girls by Troye Sivan for days and don't plan on stopping anytime soon, also still listening to Hozier's entire Unreal Unearth album whenever I'm chilling

What's a tasty treat you look forward to eating more of this year? Gonna steal Ri's answer here and say cinnamon buns, as well as my husband's homemade pizza rolls that I previously mentioned, as they're our favorite thing to eat while binge-watching

What's a time sink that you will continue to sink time into this year? Scrolling this beloved hellsite

Did you pick up any habits in 2023 that you plan to continue? Only unhealthy ones that I plan on ridding myself of in 2024 👋

What's your toxic trait? Inflexibility and freaking out when things don't turn out the way I've planned

What is a coping mechanism you will continue to indulge in this year? Staying in my burrow with my hyperfixations

Tell me something you like about how you look! My full, rosy lips against my smooth, pale skin

Give me at least three adjectives describing things you like about yourself. Honest, open-minded, creative 🌸

I'm out of the loop (which is about to change since I celebrated the last of the festivities today) and haven't been keeping up with the tags lately, but am still going to tag some peeps if you want to do either or both of these: @heymrspatel, @stocious, @too-schoolforcool, @xninetiestrendx, @krysmiss, @sleepyfacetoughguy, @michellemisfit, @whatwouldmickeydo, @vintagelacerosette, @metalheadmickey, @rereadanon, @francesrose3, @darlingian and anyone who sees this and wants to play! ✨

[smooth-boob]

2023 Fic Year in Review

Thanks @penny-loaf and @hydriotaphia for tagging me!

List of Fics Completed this Year

Excluding the WIPs and stuff started in 2022:

To Tell the Truth - https://archiveofourown.org/works/46747165

The Bustle in a House - https://archiveofourown.org/works/47126467

From the blood of the wound, a flower sprang - https://archiveofourown.org/works/48305152

Overcome - https://archiveofourown.org/works/46083325

Doing The Voices - https://archiveofourown.org/works/47976274

The Morning After Death - https://archiveofourown.org/works/50856436

Running Toward Running Away - https://archiveofourown.org/works/47131885

Number of Words Written

47,530 (only those that are posted; my WIP word count is a very different number lol)

Your Most Popular Fic

To Tell The Truth. That one was a real rising star.

Your Personal Fave

The Bustle in a House, but tbh whatever I've most recently finished is most likely to be my favorite because I'm riding that high of having said what I wanted to say.

You Fav Scene

Don't make me choose!!! Right now I've been thinking about the garden scene and its aftermath from Chapter 3 of The Bustle in a House. I find it difficult to read, and I think that says something about its emotional impact!

A Fic or Scene that Challenged You

Chapter 3 of To Tell the Truth sent me into a creative spiral because I was working to figure out how to make the scene feel as honest and raw as the first two chapters and go really deep and emotionally soft and also get my Barbie dolls to just kiss already! 1000% worth it. That's my other favorite scene.

A Line of Writing You’re Proud Of

From The Morning After Death:

He spends the morning with his youngest siblings (his brother’s children), sharing stories and allowing the memories to crest and break over them in waves. In this family there are so many of them, siblings and stories, that they sometimes tell the same ones, some remembered differently, at different ages, or they confuse each other’s memories for their own and retell those stories, as if all the ways they remember him are true. In a sense, they are true. After all, memory is the only thing they have left.

A Comment that Touched You

Anybody who said my work felt honest, real, and/or special to them, and special shout-out to @andthebubbles for commenting along their journey reading Bustle because it let me know somebody else was out there wanting to read exactly what I wanted to read and to write!

Something that Inspired Your Writing

A fear of grief, Emily Dickinson, watching The Crown, these lines from Richard II that live rent-free in my mind...

For you have but mistook me all this while. / I live with bread like you, feel want, / Taste grief, need friends—subjected thus, / How can you say to me, I am a king?

Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

It felt really amazing to get properly back into writing in general, and to push the boundaries of emotion I can convey. 2023 was something of a breakthrough year.

Do You Have Any Writing Goals for Next Year?

To actually work on my novel...haha.

As far as fanfiction goes, I really want to finish my Kathony fic that's basically season three for them, which I'd love to put out there before season three comes out. We'll see about that. I'd also like to finish my Bridgerton Phantom of the Opera AU.

In terms of skill development, while I love the precision and brevity of my work, I am trying to slow down more and know when to give scenes space to breathe.

Tagging @andthebubbles, @hyperesthesias, and anyone else who would like to do this!

[subdee]

5 Favourite Fics I’ve written

rule: 5 favourite fics you’ve written and pass it on to 5 other writers

Tagged by @hxhhasmysoul thank you! It feels kinda dishonest to do a writing meme when I didn't write anything in uhhhh all of 2023, but I really like the idea of this one, because in my experience writers almost never like the same stories that the readers like, so it's really interesting to see what people say!

1. Pariging Coffee Shop AU - Would you guys be shocked if I said this is my actual favorite thing I've written? I had a hard time writing it because I had particular reader in mind from the outset and we fell out before I finished the first draft. But now I think it's funny, it has manic energy to match the protagonist. What I really like about it though is that the main characters, Ging and Pariston, really aren't all that similar to their canon selves but they still have workable personalities for the story. Personally I like reading AUs with quasi-original characters, but I'm always writing pretty close to canon. This one time I wrote the kind of story I like to read.

2. Treasure Hunter Yuffie Kisaragi and the case of the White Materia - this is buried as the last chapter in a 10-chapter collection of unrelated short stories I wrote for AU-gust in 2020 so no one reads it, but I like it! I've always wanted to write a mystery story and this one has a complete plot and a setting (Victorian England), even if the plot is kinda wonky in places and the setting isn't fully researched. I'm just proud of myself for finishing a mystery with an actual plot and period setting I think. I like a lot of the stories I wrote for AU-gust, actually, 2020 was a good writing year and @tofucasserole is a REALLY good beta-reader / sounding board.

3. An Honest Day's Work - It's a Jojo Part One fic? It's a pastiche on Victorian ghost stories? I was taking a class on British literature and the professor told us we could write fanfiction for the final paper? (This wasn't written for class though.) I don't know, I just like the rhythm of this one. It's moody.

4. Seven Days - Similar to the Jojo fic, this is pretty short and I spent a lot of time on the sentences. I just like the way it's written. Pretty often I'll re-read things I've written and cringe because the sentences are awkward, and I'll tell myself I'll go back to edit later, and then later never comes. This was short so it was easy to edit. I also like the way the story deals with Cloud's unreliable memory at the start of FF7. It was fun to write the different perspectives jumbled together.

5. Nevermind the Bollocks, Here's the Phantom Troupe - this one REALLY needs an edit, I contradict things I said the paragraph before when I'm not repeating what I said the paragraph before, because I wrote it in fits and starts - which is what happens when you start with "this person plays this instrument" as the premise and don't have a plot, haha. (Thanks to munen for unsticking basically every hxh fanfic I've written in the last five years!) So it's not currently my #5 favorite story, but I'm putting it on the list anyway thinking it eventually will be, because it's longer and complete, and even with the infodumping about band stuff it's less of an info-dump than Dungeon x Hunter. I like Machi and Nobu's characters in this.

Tagging... @voidcat-senket @dodici12 @rosemochi @spectroscopes @itiaskia ! I want to know !

[kessokubando]

Summer 2023 Anime-Round Up

A pretty mediocre season of anime tbh. But still some hidden gems to be found and appreciated. RIP to Zom 100 btw lmao. Anyway, here's the round up!

Anime of the Season: Bungou Stray Dogs 5th Season

Best Opening: Ao no Sumika (Jujutsu Kaisen S2)

Best Ending: Akari: (Jujutsu Kaisen S2)

Drops: Tenpuru, Liar Liar

Plans to Watch at a later date: Bang Dream! It's MyGO!!!!! , Dark Gathering, Spy Classroom Season 2

Completed:

Jobless Reincarnation: Season 2 - (6/10)

They told me that this season was just Rudeus trying to cure his ED. Too bad I didn't believe them. Not a fan of the "Solve my heartbreak over one of harem girls dumping me by finding another one of my harem girls" narrative that went on for 5 episodes more than it needed too. Unsure if I'll come back for more of this. After 3 cours of this show, I think I can confidently say I just don't like Rudeus.

Horimiya: Piece - (8/10)

Not every side-story worked for me, but most of them were pretty good. I just love how stupid and honest these kids are. Sometimes, the way anime glorifies high school life can be overbearing, but I can't help but wishing I enjoyed those days more whenever I watch this show. Gonna miss it.

Remi best girl.

Bleach: Thousand-Year Blood War Arc Part 2 - (7/10)

Definitely felt the exhaustion I remembered when reading the manga. I'm not sure what's Kubo fascination with long strings of fights while the plot stands completely still. Didn't enjoy it during the Arrancar arc, not enjoying now. At least Squad 0 redeemed themselves (somewhat)

My Happy Marriage - (8/10)

Still believe this show would be better if it didn't have all that supernatural stuff. Nevertheless, still enjoyable romance. Mio is a great lead and her development alongside Kiyoka was really good. We will be there for Season 2.

Reign of the Seven Spellblades - (6/10)

Remember when "Magic High School" was the genre that was oversaturated? Me neither. This show was enjoyable but had some weird moments. Also for once, I'd like a magic show that doesn't obsesses over the reproductive system. Probably won't watch any foreseeable sequel. Still rooting for Nanao to get that kiss.

Bungou Stray Dogs 5th Season - (9/10)

Actual Peak Fiction. Igarashi and his team at Bones just know how to make this show as stylish and cool as possible. Also this arc is by far the best one we've gotten so far. Could feel the tension at every episode where crazy shit happened. Shame I can't read the manga to find out what happens next lol.

Undead Girl Murder Farce - (8/10)

Now this is a show that had style in every corner of its being. Undead Murder Farce with just so fun to watch. The trio of Aya/Tsugaru/Shizuku is one of my favorites in recent times and the side characters we very memorable. I think the last arc when one for 1 or 2 episodes more than it needed too, but still enjoyable nonetheless

EDENS ZERO 2nd Season - (7/10)

This season was a lot more darker than what I usually expect from Mashima. Wish the presentation wasn't so exact to Fairy Tail, but it has some high points that exceeds it's sister series. Probably will check out the manga if a third season isn't announced sometime in the future.

Fate/strange Fake: Whispers of Dawn - (8/10)

An anime series by the team that did all those FGO commercials is any fate fans dream. Cannot wait for the full show of this. I hope Aniplex gives them enough time to animated this (they probably won't)

[autumn-oceanopromises]

Writing Like A Woman

I bought a book and I'm waiting for it to be delivered: "To Write Like A Woman: Essays in Feminism and Science Fiction", by Joanna Russ. I've never read her work before, seminal and powerful as it seems to be in relation to queer, intersectional, and feminist perspectives, and her work seems to be mostly out of print, as she was active (and alive) in the 60s to 90s.

I'll be quite honest - up until probably my mid-twenties, the title of that book alone would have put me off it completely. (There's a whole story and essay to be had there, the growing-up ways that a POC immigrant boy - man - seeks the media perception of white (=good, =great) masculinity and pretends to be the most masculine and milquetoast, which includes rejecting femininity in everything, in order to reject perceptions of weakness, which are mostly to do with how other boys see boys, within the masculine subculture. How virtue signaling is constant, even in the most private of spaces and to absolutely nobody but myself.)

But that's not the topic of this entry. This one's about writing like a woman: the female-expectation-derived plot points and structures that are rarely examined and re-combined by amateur male writers, why writing and exploring those structures are especially important in the low-agency world we are entering into or are already living in now, and how I want to but don't quite know where to start.

*Trigger warnings and disclaimers: I come at this from the perspective of someone whose publicly posted body of amateur writing is 50% poetry, 40% erotica/pornography, including some extremely dark content (though none of it is, of course, hosted on this blog), so appropriate trigger warnings apply when I discuss this, and 10% other things, including NANO novels, short stories, slash and romance fanfic, game design, worldbuilding lore, marketing copy, etc. I read predominantly amateur fantasy and science fiction, often fanfiction, and not professionally published literary fiction, horror, or romance, and am unaware of the trends within them. I am a cishet POC man living in a predominantly white country, and as such, may mention and perpetuate problematic perspectives. This is my personal opinion, written in 2023.* I've approached the work of Joanna Russ circuitously. I would like her guidance in the literary analysis of feminist fiction. I discovered her first by finding out about her essays and novels from r/menwritingwomen, a subreddit about pinpointing the ways that men write women - as a lampoon, as a satire, as a horror. I've looked at critical, if fond, examinations of her work, which is often the only things available for free on the Internet any longer - respected authors, mostly women, who point to her work as something that inspired and provoked them. I very, very much look forward to finding out what her work reads like. I very much look forward, if dread, examining and being deeply, viscerally horrified, at my thinking, my plot structures, and my internalized bigotry. I look forward to deliberately playing some really horrible shit straight, but with an undercurrent of horror. I look forward to writing things which are less horrifying. I very much look forward to writing like a woman, especially in science fiction and fantasy.

Writing like a woman without acerbic wit and superb guidance (at least according to all the critics), it turns out, in 2023 amateur writing spaces, even and especially under the current flood of "strong female characters", is incredibly fucking hard. Writing, plot and structure, is still mostly treated with the implication and context of masculine-derived plot and structures. The Hero's Journey is about men, after all, and it inseminates most things in modern media. In amateur genre fiction, which holds a lot of eyeballs, including isekai and litRPGs, there's very few non-male viewpoints; fantasy and science fiction as a setting abounds just about everywhere, but the rise and fall of the plot remains action, adventure, base-building, and shounen: everything stems from what society expects and pressures boys and men to do and desire: to conquer, to save, to explore, to investigate, to fight, to build and create, to happen to - to take, to seize, to plunder.

Some of the most popular tropes in this field are: overpowered protagonists, crushing and laying waste to things before them; time travel, cheat items and powers, systems to manipulate and game. The number of these stories are increasing, rapidly, and are a thriving ecosystem - the number of popular complete fucking jackasses maybe one or two morality pets is through the fucking roof.

I consume an absolute shit-ton of these. It was originally a guilty pleasure, but it's rapidly become less guilty, and more of blatant escapism and a solid portion of my day. I'm one of the target audience: I hate my job, but am reasonably good at it in some bits. I hate going to work, I hate being at work, and I hate the feeling of general helplessness and corporate bullshit, in myself, my team, and my customers, even while being very aware that I have probably some of the least corporate bullshit and helplessness that a person working in retail and in general is trading time for money, has. I have very much a lot of agency and I know I'm using it very poorly.

There is very little stopping me, in terms of amount of bureaucratic rules, except for the fact that the company is seriously overcharging people for a health-related product, mainly because the company is part of the fashion-industrial complex and a monolithic monopoly in the heart of unchecked capitalism. As a symptom of the general shittiness though, and unrelated to the corporate bullshit side of things, I especially hate entitled customers, who treat my team and me like shit for less and less amounts of money. Sure, you paid a "lot" of money for "the worst customer service in your whole life". We went out of our way to give you special treatment, including at least three free products and processes worth nearly 1.5 grand, something like four hours in consultation, and you in total spent $200 in a store where $800 is the average price, where you knew the average price walking in. I wish you genuinely shitty customer service for the rest of your miserable fucking life. That said, it's true that people in general just are making less money than the prices of living goods, and belts are squeezing tighter everywhere. If you can afford belts.

As people get less and less able to afford important shit, become less and less able to enact their own personal individualism and individual thoughts, and more and more ruled by whatever the higher-level narrative is - the news, the fashion companies, the social media trends, all of that shit - the more escapism rises, but also the more I believe that writing like a woman, like the challenges women faced in in the '60s to '90s is important. I would like to write "like a woman": I want to explore plot structures where the action happens in carving out agency under an unbearable and generally unbeatable social pressure - focusing more on the bureaucratic rather than the supernatural as in horror genre fiction, rather than the protagonist happening to the world. Figuring out the mystery where everyone and everything wants to kill or suppress you, girl (or boy, or other) meets house, and more structures that I just don't know yet, with and about things happening to the protagonist, the manic pixie dream boy archetypes, all that shebang and shemoves. I realize as I say this that it sounds incredibly stupid. The whole first half of the hero's journey is shit happening to the protagonist, the protagonist breaking out and developing agency, and arguably, a protagonist - especially in film - is almost always entirely reactionary.

But that focus on it? Where the pressure is right there, if unacknowledged or right out of the eyeline? Where specifically, the focus is the variation on and about carving out what little agency you can have in a world that specifically is trying to keep you down and quiet and in your little box and if you go too far they'll slap you down into place with horrific impersonal consequences, so walking the line and making peace with walking the line, is really, really important? Joanna Russ wrote a lot of this in science fiction, and many, many feminist writers have explored this in fantasy (in historical and epic), in mystery, in romance, in horror, in literary fiction, in erotica made by and for women. It exists in trans narratives, in queer narratives, in POC narratives, in narratives about poverty.

I don't know anyone who's cross-applied the same structures to the boxes for cishet middle-class men, even though we're rapidly entering a world where those boxes are getting more and more obvious and more and more crushing, because the middle-class is shrinking rapidly and high-level narratives, spin, trends, all that shit, are turning people on people. Radicalising via arousing extreme states of anger and fear, lust and gluttony and envy and greed. And, okay, there's a lot of fiction out there for cishet men already. It's just, that fiction for cishet men always runs with the same narratives that, frankly, causes this shit to happen IRL for everyone else.

I'll be honest: this whole entry is probably nothing new to people already reading and agreeing with the points of feminist literature. And cishet man discovers one of the good points of feminist literature, news at 11. But it matters to me.

And I don't know any mainstream literature or media, where specifically, the direction to make this situation and setup is about empowerment. Bioshock, maybe. But even that has caveats. Because a lot of works in these structures are tragic, specifically are about arousing extreme fear and anxiety and tension. Sometimes sexually arousing, sometimes sublimating it into an orgy of "justified" violence. Can I make this setup empowering and joyful and ecstatic and awe-inspiring and wonderful, with happy endings that don't result in breaking out of the physical box entirely or withdrawing into personal self-isolation, through whatever means? Because the pressure is overwhelming and there's a lot of it. And you can't change the world around you, you can't control it, but you can control yourself and your reaction to it - that's one of the most common therapy adages. And this is, very much, the same thing. I think it's really important, because the direction, very much, in high-level narratives and spin, especially in Western countries, is "give up when you're faced with this pressure". It's give in and join the complex. It's "escape into a fantasy world where shit is easy". It's escape into apathy. Apathy is the highest it's ever been, political or otherwise. Lack of social connection, lack of intimacy, lack of knowing and understanding and empathizing. It's rabble-rousing with undirected anger and fear directed against other people who are also angry and fearful.

And I think it's really worth disguising as a different take, so that some of the audience that's consuming media and fiction that would cause it IRL, instead starts looking at and exploring and varying takes on dealing with it instead. I don't know if there is much like this, in published fiction. though maybe there's a heap of it and I just have never found it. Therapy-heavy fiction and takes exist, but they come off really proselytizing.

Specifically though, on a personal level, I'm wondering, yet again, about the courtesan universe that I'm writing. All the fixed points in the timeline, everything I've written so far about it, I now realize is variations on this theme. But, having come at it from a male perspective, having written and consumed only ever male perspectives or male-reflected expectations and perspectives, it's always come off incredibly flat, somehow, with caricatures of characters. I've put in conflicts and things which are irrelevant and sometimes contradictory to the underlying message and exploration of theme for that universe, and it reads badly. My whole life, as well, has been about "breaking out of the box", while being incredibly aware that I keep putting myself back inside, or breaking out of the box and realizing I'm just in a bigger box; carving out agency while staying in the same box still feels like a failure to me.

I really want to explore this, though. I want to carve out my own agency, and be okay with it, living in the box that society dictates. I would like to explore, in writing, and hopefully share with other people, and inspire them to explore the same thing, their own takes on it. This is still, quintessentially, a very male perspective on a female-based structure, and I'm aware of that, so I would appreciate guidance. I really want to tell these stories, and explore these themes, writing like a woman.

[thequiver]

How do you feel in relation to Sin? I think I've seen your posts about Dinah not wanting to be a mother and I'd like to hear your thoughts on her and Dinah's relationship, her background is a little messed up I'll admit but I actually like her character. Could you also give me a better explanation on the Dinah not wanting to be a mother topic please? Is that bcs of her mother or bcs of Ollie?

okay so this is a bit of an involved ask so I'm gonna try to separate it into parts.

A. My views on Sin B. Dinah and motherhood

A

Being completely honest here I never really got into Sin. It's a combination of how awful her background is and that she's from what is honestly one of the worst comics I've ever read, I just never got attached to her. Her introduction felt like such a backwards step in Dinah's character to me and like this sort of continued push for Dinah to be a mother which is not just a role she doesn't want but one she isn't suited for. I don't have anything against Sin, I do however want to get free reign to deck Gail Simone. Perhaps if she'd been created by anyone other than Gail Simone I might have gotten attached as she's the kind of character I can see myself liking and she's a character that I want to like, but I do have standards when it comes to writing and narratives and everything about Sin's story did not meet those standards.

B

Yeah so some context surrounding Dinah's statements around the idea of having children is needed because as I've found from my inbox the last few days, there are an astonishing number of people who have no idea what Dinah was like before BoP and I need to fix that ASAP (I can fix y'all /srs). So despite Grell's Dinah coming after DC got rid of her Earth-2 origins (meta for why that's the best Dinah backstory in the works as of 11. Jan. 2023) the characterization he uses is still that of the Dinah who was an immigrant from Earth-2. This means that this Dinah's characterization was that of a widow who started seeing Ollie shortly after she left Earth-2 following the death of her husband, and this is actually a pretty important element of her story to keep in mind when talking about her statements around children.

NOW- this being said, when we look at what Dinah says about having kids, she doesn't actually make it about Ollie, in fact she even says that she'd love to have kids with him (also just a little odd to assume that a woman not wanting to have kids is just bc of her partner but uh go off ig?). What she says is that she won't raise orphans. And it's there that her being a widow comes into play, because her husband had died during a battle as part of the JSA and she's well aware of the danger being a hero places her loved ones in. Add onto this that this conversation is happening after Longbow Hunters and her own capture and torture and the picture becomes clearer.

Dinah's issue with having children is not about Ollie or even on any level that she might be aware of at this point about her mother. It's about her own understanding of the danger she and Ollie are in on a daily basis as a result of their choice to pursue heroics, and fundamentally what it boils down to is her prioritization of pursuing heroics over the idea of having children. It's the kind of thought process we see Ollie have in Green Arrow (1988) too, where he says that he'd be willing to give up Green Arrow to be a father- but Dinah doesn't even entertain the thought of giving up Black Canary to be a mother. To her it's very clear, she is Black Canary so she won't be a mother.

At its core, Dinah's desire not to be a mother is about HER, not anyone else.

[augment-techs]

Book/Movie Diary: What I watched/read 12/2023

The Deer King: An anime that is something you would watch if you are a fan of Princess Mononoke largely for the style, and if you liked The Phantom Menace and the Fellowship of the Rings for the lore and vibes. Unfortunately, I have been reading up on all the Drakkon/Coinless Jason by @ajgrey9647 and that means I spent the whole movie expecting the stoic protagonist and pretty Doctor to beat the shit out of each other or devolve into sloppy makeout sessions. 4/5

The Man Who Came Down the Attic Stairs, by Celine Loup: A beautiful not-a-memoir in graphic novel format that the artist/author wrote as a what-if scenario covering the effects of pregnancy in the pre-War 1900s; complete with post-partum depression. It's smooth as silk with the art in stunning black and white. 4/5

Manga Classics' King Lear, by Richard Appignanesi: An interesting and visually lovely concept, resetting Shakespeare's story into a Native American vs Colonial landscape. I really wanted to like it, but I felt like it really missed the mark? 2.5/5

Komi Can't Communicate vol. 1, by Oda Tomohito: I finally get to read the first gn in the series and was not disappointed in finding that, yes, it was Tadano who made the first move, and Komi is ADORABLE. 4/5

Commute, by Erin Williams: An examination of being a woman who has experienced many assaults and the results thereof through alcoholism, poor dating choices, dissociation, and finally, motherhood. excerpts I had to write down include: -"What's your part in this abuse?" "That I kept getting drunk?" "You kept going to the gas station for oranges. They don't sell oranges at the gas station. If you want oranges, you go the grocery store. I don't know QUITE how to feel about the art style as a GN. 4/5

Stitches: A Graphic Memoir, by David Small: Sort of a twilight examination on generational trauma and mental illness through the youngest son of a closet lesbian with multiple health issues and a radiologist in a time when it was believed that x-rays could also cure rather than just provide an image of internal problems. The spooky art style made me very uncomfortable, but I quite liked it. 5/5

Literary Witches, by Taisia Kitaiskaia: A collection of witchy femme writers in a poetic presentation, done much like spellwork used through epithets. 5/5

Searching for Bobby Fischer: Just as good, and all the more better, than I thought it would be. It had taken me DECADES to finally see this on DVD after seeing part of it ONCE on VHS when I was tiny and couldn't really remember it. It's the kind of family movie that really isn't made anymore. It's quiet, it's contemplative, it's HONEST. I LOVED IT. 6/5

Disfigured: On Fairy Tales, Disability, and Making Space; by Amanda Leduc: Actually uses both memoir and popular culture as fairly good references to the reality of perfectionism and "the other." It used Disney, changelings, "The Bloody Chamber" and her own medical history. Must take note of this for later because it is very good. 5/5

Spit Three Times, by Davide Raviati: Yet another graphic memoir, this one laying out the growth of a teen/teens in Italy around the 1980s(?), with the author being of Romani descent. It had a lot of stuff I couldn't differentiate between euphemism and actual truth, but I'm pretty sure the extremely mentally ill girl insisting on sexual activity and getting beaten almost to death until she gave birth to a baby that a drunken teenage boy had to deliver on the fly was pretty real. I really did not understand a lot of what happened, but there was one scene that felt very honest apart from the incredibly violent one: "The only person I know who could beat off while doing the backstroke." >> THIS. This was so weird, and yet something teen boys just DO. 3-4/5

Snow White: A Graphic Novel, by Matt Phelan: A retelling of the old tale with a twist. The setting in 1920s New York, the wicked queen is an extremely popular flapper on Broadway, the dead king as a rich mogul that survived the Black Thursday crash, Snow is a boarding school girl back to see the will. We see butchers, detectives, private eyes, and the seven are all street orphans that DO chase the witch down to death. The Macy's Window was an especially nice touch. 4/5

Komi Can't Communicate vol. 2, by Oda Tomohito: -Yamai IS a total psycho at first blush, omg. Poor Tadano, he did not deserve this crap. -The Ramen Chef that shares Komi's disorder must get on GREAT with Agari. -Wow. I was not expecting Tadano to be THAT embarrassing in middle school. -Agari being both a dog-girl and an awesome, honest food critic was a nice touch. -Najimi is VERY cheap. -The dress show was not something I thought I'd see, but I'm not at all surprised that Tadano was always going to be the best choice. 5/5

Komi Can't Communicate vol. 3, by Oda Tomohito: -Chiarai, Sonoda, and Shinobino might be incredibly awkward and can't NOT end up being queer somewhere down the line, but at least they're honest with their judgement of the girls (plus Najimi) in bathing suits. -Both Komi & Tadano look awesome in yukatas. -Komi alone on the playground was so wholesome I wanna scream. -No surprise that Komi is great with babies, but it was still cute to see. -Komi continues to wear the dress Tadano picked out EVERYWHERE. 5/5