#a kinda concept thing got its hooks in me. they are a family and would do anything for each other ❤️

[loveinhawkins]

There isn’t a strike of lightning, no grand epiphany that clues Steve in.

It just comes down to this: he knows Dustin Henderson.

Knows how he looks when confronted with a problem he desperately wants to solve.

“Fuck this,” he’s saying through gritted teeth, pushing down hard on the gaping wound across Steve’s abdomen; he’s doing everything right, Steve thinks with pride, but it’s not enough.

It’s not his fault.

Steve says as much.

But Dustin isn’t listening; he’s just muttering to himself, “Not again,” over and over.

And Steve suddenly feels like he did when dropping the quarter into The Indiana Flyer—the moment just before the song played, already knowing what he would hear.

“Not again?” Steve asks very quietly.

Dustin’s mouth snaps shut. His face is chalk white, and there’s more than just fear in his eyes; there’s guilt too, guilt and a responsibility he should never have to bear.

Steve wants to take it from him.

He lifts his hand, grunting with the effort, and ruffles Dustin’s hair. “Oh, bud,” he murmurs, “you’ve kept trying, huh?”

Dustin’s eyes fill with tears.

Steve tries to hush him, breathing turning shallow from the pain.

“Hey, you—you’ve g-gotta hand it to me, man,” Steve says through a faint smile. “Was… on the right track, y’know? O-obsessed with clocks.”

Dustin gasps out a laugh. It ends on a sob.

“Shut up,” he says, and that’s all—no clever comeback, nothing, even though he always has one.

Steve’s heart breaks for him.

“How many times?” Steve says, but he doesn’t need a reply; he knows enough just from the way Dustin is shaking.

“I—” Dustin swallows, shakes his head. “I don’t…” Oh, Steve thinks, his kid is tired.

“C’mere.” He cups the back of Dustin’s head. “Everyone… everyone else make it?”

Dustin starts to cry.

It’s an answer of its own.

“Shh. Hey. That’s… you can stop now.” Steve pats the back of Dustin’s hand, stills the pressure on his wound. “Listen. Just… just let it run this time. Hey, it’s okay, Dustin. It’s okay.”

“It’s n-not okay, Steve, how can you—”

“Shh,” Steve says again, and maybe this is as much for him as it is for Dustin; he doesn’t want their last conversation to be a fight. He looks into Dustin’s eyes. Smiles. “Christ, I’m so proud of you.”

It doesn’t cover everything he wants to say; there’s not enough time.

I loved growing up with you. I’m sorry. I wanted to be there for you forever.

“Fuck you,” Dustin says, young and angry and so afraid. “Don’t say you’re proud of me, asshole, just don’t—”

Don’t go.

“Okay, fine. You’re a smartass,” Steve drawls, and Dustin lets out a choked giggle before grief takes over again.

“God,” he says, “this isn’t fucking fair. I sh-shouldn’t have to choose—this is—”

“Bullshit,” Steve agrees. “That’s not on you, man. Not your fault if the game’s rigged.”

Dustin closes his eyes.

It’s not so bad, Steve tells himself. He can just… rest for a couple seconds, tell Dustin to get outta here, then…

A faint chime.

Dustin’s eyes open. There’s a sudden gleam to them, shining through the fatigue. Determination.

Hope, despite everything.

“Well then,” Dustin says, “s’a good thing I’m a smartass.”

And then he’s running.

Steve manages to lift his head up with a cry, gets to see Dustin reach a grandfather clock ensnared with vines, because of course he’s not gonna listen to him, he’s such a little shit, and Steve loves him so much—

Dustin reaches up to the glass in front of the clock face, smashes it with his hand.

The world turns white.

The last thing Steve sees is Dustin turning to him with a shaky grin, mouthing, “One more.”

And Steve’s still terrified, but he also thinks of the world’s most stubborn, brilliant kid with a wonky compass, of how many times do I have to be right on the money before you guys just trust me?

It’s a walk along the railroad tracks, stumbling into each other’s lives; it’s just get ready, and you die, I die; it’s being trapped under Starcourt, and Steve left with the one thing that all the drugs, all the pain in the world could not take away from him.

The absolute faith that Dustin would figure something out.

[orkbutch]

your nun au. i like it very much. if you don't mind, can you tell me more about it? like what is shadowheart's story? what is up with lae'zel? why is karlach so cute?

Absolutely, I am very eager to talk about it! This is gonna be long tho haha. tw for addiction and self-harm

Shadowheart grew up in a relatively normal, casually Catholic family, but shes always had shit going on. Clinically depressed, and she definitely has a personality disorder, probs BPD, defs not diagnosed because its the 90's and shes masking HEAVY. Even as a kid she was pretty into catholicism though, and liked Christ and his weird more-than-human self sacrificial vibes.

At 13 while in boarding school she got lured into a cult (where she was given her name). This was a mix of older girls and a few much older people outside the boarding school, all women. They were a political cult of feminist seperatists, but also had a layer of idiosyncratic spiritualism originating entirely from the cult leader Shar (real name Sharon). Edgy stuff about darkness, the night, pain and sacrifice being good. But in particular there was a focus on pursuing oblivion, and that resulted in Shadowheart doing some very destructive substances at a very young age, and learning how effective numbness was when coping with being a depressed teenager with BPD. She realised she was a lesbian while in this group, and that wasn't great because Shar was Not chill about that at all. These were radical second wave feminists that considered sex inherently reproductive of patriarchal power dynamics, and the cult was firmly asexual; lesbians were considered gender traitors and particularly looked down on. (Transgender people were not even acknowledged; truly old school r*dfems.) Her attraction to women is what made her question things most throughout her time there, but she was very young and impressionable; she wouldn't start to really firmly question things until she was 16.

She was, through all of this, a big fan of Christ; in fact some of the cult's ideology kinda deepend her concept of Christ and martyrdom, which she admired greatly. Self sacrifice was The Ultimate Virtue to her; a loving masochism, which really spoke to her (and her self-harming tendencies).

She escaped at 17 and didn't return home; she immediately became a novitiate within an Irish-Catholic cloister. This would have been in the early 80's. She dove head first into being a dedicated cloistered nun; it wasn't that different from her time in Shar's group except a lot more sober. When she took her vows and became a full fledged nun, she descended further into worship and over her 10 years there, she became more and more... Medieval with it.

This was a Problem, because this was the late 80's moving into the early 90's in the UK - not only was Vatican II well and truly instilled in the practices of all cloisters, but feminism had been kicking around for a while now and had only gotten more popular. Nuns being hidden away from the world, participating in shame circles and self flagellating was well and truly Over and were banned practices. But Shadowheart researched older methods of worship from deeply devoted cloistered nuns and dove in, because they felt meaningful, helped her cope and they made her feel special to Christ.

Something that had a big impact on her was her duties as a volunteer nun overlapping with the AIDS crisis. She found that she had to consistently fight her sisters and abbess to be allowed to assist people with HIV. This forced her to contend with her queerness, the morality of her relationship to other gay people. That prompted her to start exploring lesbianism and queer community secretly, which tempered her obsessive cloistered nun tendencies; she still self flagellated and prized self sacrifice, but her shame was being challenged, and she had felt how much she wanted diverse, queer community.

Her and Lae'zel started hooking up when she was 25; it started as moments of desperate desire for relief and comfort, but became a little more than that as time went on. (It fucked with Lae'zel A Lot.) Shadowheart was finally kicked out at 27 when not only was she caught with another nun (not Lae'zel), the extent of her self-harm was seen on her body. She became too much of a liability for the cloister. Very soon after that, Karlach appeared in her apartment.

I'll expand on Lae'zel in a reblog >:)

[divinesolas]

hiiii sooo what im asking is if u could do anything that is related to this concept:

where raffy x reader are in a on & off relationship and it’s toxic but she “loves” him and her friends always tell her to leave him, so during the party while everyone was drinking and doing drugs, she and archie kinda clicked and danced together like how natalie & archie did. Moving on they were so into each other that things lead to another, that they slept w each other, despite the fact that she’s w raffy.

*there is consent involved. (not related to what actually happened in the movie) if that make sense.

Summary: After years of letting yourself get used by raffy you move on, and hes not happy about it.

Pairing: Raffy barton x reader, Archie x reader

Warnings: Cheating, very toxic relationship, gaslighting, men being men, soft archie! raffy being raffy, implied nsfw, Natalie and archie dont "like" each other.

a/n: I love this prompt so much so thank you for requesting!! I hope you like it!!

"You have to leave him." Alice says for what must be the hundredth time despite knowing its pointless. You and Raffy have been in a "relationship" since highschool. Its always been... complicated between the two of you, aka you have always remained loyal to him while he goes off and sleeps with other girls.

Its a constant cycle, you find out he's slept with another girl and rant to your friends, they tell you to leave him, you go back and yell at him, he ends up convincing you he didnt mean it, you two have sex and make up.

"Im done with him." Alice rolls her eyes, "Yeah yeah that's what you always say." You look down at your hands, You're currently sitting in Natalie's room while the two of them get ready for a party at alices place. You were also supposed to be getting ready but you got send a video of raffy making out with some girl at a party.

"Im seriously done this time i mean... what the fuck." You were out of town for the past couple days because your aunt had been very sick and your family feared it may be the end for her so you went to go see her. She ended up surviving which you were glad about but while you were out of town Raffy hooks up with another girl? Again?

"He's a piece of shit i dont even know why you're with him in the first place." "He cares about me, or... at least he did at some point." He's always been somewhat of a player but he was your first everything, you love him, loved? you dont know. He made you feel liked, loved, and you feared you may not find something like that again.

You get a text from him, 'Are we really still doing this silent treatment act babe? I said i was sorry.' Piece of shit. Your mood only sours as you frown at your phone.

"im sorry babes, he sucks but i know you care about him." Natalie has finished getting dressed and sits down on the bed next to you and grabs your hand, "Thank you nat." She squeezes you hand, "you should come tonight." You groan, he'll definitely be there and you definitely dont want to see him. "I dont know-" "Oh yeah shes going." Alice throws a bundle of clothes at you, "Get dressed." "Alice-" "No. No mopping around not this time youre gonna go out there and your gonna look hot and forget about that bastard."

You stare at the clothes and think about throwing them on the floor and laying in bed, sobbing your heart out but you know archie would be at tonight's party sticking his dick in anything that moves and you want him to see you not talking to him. "Fine." Alice and natalie cheer as your stand up and get dressed.

As youre putting on the finishing touches alice has a thoughtful look on her face, "Is something wrong?" She shakes her head, "Its just, i thought you should know archie had a massive thing for you." Natalie gasps as she looks at alice in shock, "No way...." "Yes way, i caught him one time stalking your insta and he confessed to me." You stare at her through the mirror in shock as she smirks, "You should talk to him tonight."

Natalie hits alice on the arm as the two begin to talk about the news and all you can do is stand there in shock. No. it cant be true rugby player archie? alices brother archie? the guy in raffys main friend group archie? It cant be true. He avoids you at all costs, always giving you weird glances, he avoids eye contact- Oh.

Raffy still lingers in the back of your mind as you think over this new info. Even on the way there you have barely said a word. Raffy continues to text, his words getting more angry his last message stings, 'i dont know why im always the bad guy when youre the one leaving me alone. a guy has needs.' You throw your phone at the ground of the car as tears pool in your eyes. Natalie hugs you as you cry, it sucks when the guy you love treats you like shit.

When you arrive the party is already in full swing. Sweaty people people grinding on each other. People spread across the room drinking, smoking, making out and doing anything else imaginable. Your eyes scan around the room as they always did, searching for him. You dont see him. Alice and natalie walk to the kitchen to grab a drink. "I thought you were gonna get here an hour ago." Archie, he stands behind you addressing alice who rolls her eyes.

He looks at you and gives you a nervous smile, "Hi." you for what feels like the first time take him in, he's large, much bigger than raffy, you fear you make prefer that, he has a cute face and smile, his hairs also nice. Its strange to be thinking this way, espcially when youve only ever though like this about raffy. You realize all your doing is staring and look at the cup in your hand, "Hi."

Alice laughs as she drags natalie to the dance floor saying something about have fun and winks at you. Shes sick. You turn back to Archie and hes glaring at his sister, an annoyed look dawning his face. "im sorry about her." you laugh, "no shes cool." A moment of silence appears before you two fall into an easy conversation. Its weird, your not used to a guy being so curious about you, hes asking you everything from what you like to your past and you love it. its so nice to have a guys full attention for the first time in forever but raffys voice nags you in the back of your head.

'youre always the one leaving me.'

'im the only guy for you baby.'

'no one will love you the way i love you.'

you suddenly feel sick, the room spins and you rush out of the room and towards the backyard. As you breathe in the fresh air you try to calm down your racing heart you move through the yard and freeze. Are you fucking kidding. There he is, laying on the backyard couch with his fingers in some fucking girls pants. And he doesnt even notice you.

You turn back around and march back inside. You need to leave you rush to the door but get stopped by archie, "Are you alright?" You break down, he pulls you into his arms as you cry. He takes you up to his bedroom for some privacy, as you two sit on his bed he tries his best to comfort you, "he's an asshole." "hes your best friend." "that doesnt mean he gets to treat you like shit."

You look at him and he's looking at you the same way he used to. It makes you feel warm. You kiss him and he kisses you back, its odd, you havent kissed anyone else other than raffy. His lips are warmer than raffys and kisses softer than raffy does. Raffy kisses like he just wants to get it over with but archie kisses you like he means it like he wants you to enjoy it. Its odd.

You pull him back to lay on top of you as you lay on the bed. He pulls away and looks at you, "I dont want to force you-" "Its okay i want to." and you do and its wonderful.

--

Morning comes and you wake up, youre not in your bed but in archies. you look to the side and there he is admiring you. He notices that you caught him and looks away, "Morning." you smile, "good morning." You wrap your arms around him and he pulls you tight against him. "Ive always wanted to do that... To be with you." You pull back slightly and stare at him.

Before you can reply his door bursts open and his guy friends enter, they all look at the sight in shock as archie rushes to cover you and yells at them but your eyes are locked on only one who has an odd look on his face.

"You piece of shit."

[wishblown]

May the days be aimless. Let the seasons drift. Do not advance the action according to plan.

— Don DeLillo; White Noise

June Reads!

A Certain Hunger by Chelsea G. Summers — 4/5: a friend recommended this one to me as kind of a mix between Hannibal and American Psycho with a female protagonist which got me hooked. it definitely delivered on that regarding the plot and food-motif (?). the food descriptions were definitely very beautiful and the protagonist compelling. liked that she was telling her story from prison. only thing was that some of her inner monologue came across a little ‘girl boss-y’ at times which I found corny but maybe that’s just me. I guess you’re allowed to be a bit of a corny #girlboss when you’re literally eating men

The Hauntings of Playing God by Chris Dietzel — 2.75/5: this one was kinda meh? was very excited about the concept (last ‘living’ woman on earth left to care for her patients who’re all suffering from locked-in syndrome (ig?) left to make tough choices) but it just didn’t deliver. it got kinda repetitive towards the middle and could’ve done with some shortening for sure imo. also a little too kitschy in some parts for my taste.

I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy — 5/5: even better than expected! I had high hopes for this one and it didn’t let me down! not only is McCurdy’s story incredible and gripping but she’s also a really talented writer.

White Noise by Don DeLillo — 5/5: read this for the first time last year and suddenly got this intense craving to re-read it; turned out I liked it even better the second time round! this one truly has it all: coming to terms with mortality (and failing badly), portrait of family life and marriage, critique of consumerism and modern life, there’s an airborne toxic event, it’s a great satire overall, yet its so earnest at the same time and treats its characters with such fondness and care; such nice structure of the novel too. would recommend this to everyone

Idol, Burning by Rin Usami — 3.75/5: short and bittersweet! a story of an obsessive fan of a j-pop idol; the way she devotes herself to studying her idol as the rest of her life falls apart around her — really enjoyed the contrast between her absolute focus and dedication to her idol and how she struggles in her regular life, school and work especially due to her (probable) learning disability. some passages really hit home for me

Severance by Ling Ma — 4.5/5: enjoyed this one a lot! liked how the narration went back and forth between the current “zombie” pandemic the protagonist is trying to survive (and the dynamic of her companions) and the years leading up to that point. it felt kind of like a coming-of-age story but in a settling into your adulthood kind of way? I liked that vibe and could definitely relate to it as well. also, always a fan of when stories give me the very beginning stages of apocalypses etc. the writing’s really nice too! def recommend

[martianbugsbunny]

OUAT Thoughts Pt.55--Episodes 23-1

I have watched through S6E1; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.

—You seriously have to be next-level stupid to look at the story of Jekyll and Hyde and think ‘gee, what a good idea! Let’s do it again!’

—That part where Henry got New York to believe in magic had mega Buddy the Elf vibes. Which, by the way, is one of my favorite Christmas movies, I can’t wait to watch it soon.

—Speaking of inconsequential tangents, the hotel Rumple was staying in was called Hotel D’or. Which amused me because of Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask. The location in that game was called Monte D’or. And that video game had story for days, let me tell you. I loved playing it, my sister loved playing it, we both cried at the end…good times.

—Henry deciding to destroy magic without consulting either of his *MAGICAL* moms about it was so dumb. How did he not consider that in a family like his, destroying magic would have consequences?

—I’m very glad the no-magic thing didn’t last very long.

—Regina and Rumple are giving some very interesting counterpoints on the concept of light and darkness. Regina’s got the right spirit, in wanting to act according to the light, but the wrong idea. You can’t just destroy the darkness in you, it’s impossible. Rumple has the right idea, in accepting that he has both light and darkness in him, but he’s a little too quick to act according to the darkness. It’s about that balance between knowing the darkness and wanting the light. It’s part of why bringing in Jekyll and Hyde at this specific juncture is so smart.

—Tbh, if I were Rumple, I would just lay down on the floor and waste away. He’s lost his son before birth. He’s basically the best man he can be and Belle still doesn’t want him. He’s lost basically ever person he’s ever loved, and some of it is on him. It’s terrible.

—That vision of Emma’s future has me stressing. There must be a reason we didn’t get to see the face of her killer. Also, the magic that person used was red—the same color as Rumple’s magic. And that robe was so Dark One-esque I thought it was PTSD about the time all the Dark Ones invaded Storybrooke.

—On the bright side, Emma’s killer is not: Snow, Charming, Henry, or Hook.

—It’s nice that we’ve decided Robin is at peace. The idea of just ceasing to existence is literally the scariest thing I can think of, so not having to think about it anymore is good. Also, it’s better for him and Regina.

—YES! Archie returns! And in full force, with dog, coffee, and an offer of help. How do I love Archie? Let me count the ways.

—Actually, Hyde’s old realm was a lot cooler than Storybrooke. I mean, no offense, I love Storybrooke, but that place looked amazing. I want to say the genre is like, sci-fantasy? It’s kinda if sci-fi, but with fantasy instead of fi? There’s gotta be a name for it, but I haven’t got a clue.

—I’m really living for this portrayal of Jekyll and Hyde. The dynamic is both sinister and intimate and there’s an underlying helplessness on Jekyll’s part and violence on Hyde’s, and it’s just right. 10/10

—Are we finally getting some Aladdin stuff? It’s about time! Heck, Jafar riding the magic carpet through the desert shooting magic lasers at a random guy is worth the wait on its own.

—I really hope that Oracle girl isn’t the only important thing we get out of Agrabah. She’s kinda basic.

—I’d love to know more about what makes Aladdin a Savior. Sure, he was the hero of his movie, but not really Savior-level hero.

—I adore Iago. He’s such a pretty bird. :)

—Snow and Regina being friends now makes me happy. They missed out on what could’ve been a great mother-daughter relationship back in the day, but at least they have each other to lean on now.

—If I don’t become insufferable about Dr. Jekyll, then I’m doing it wrong. He is just adorable! I love his glasses, and his fancy semi-Regency clothes, and his genius brain….And his personality hits the sweet spot. I’m realizing right now that I have no clue how to really describe him, which annoys the heck out of me because he really does strike a chord with me.

—I adore that fluttery feeling when there’s a new character to love. Eventually it melts into the deeper connection that makes it so terrible when bad things happen, but the initial stage is fun too. And it reappears a little bit every time you get to see a slightly older character in a new outfit—mega bonus points! But the flutters? Yeah, I need those.

[piracytheorist]

What are your thoughts on Dark Hook and Dark Swan in ouat in general?

To preface my thoughts, I want to first talk about how the writers of OUAT may have had good ideas for a show, but they lack the ability to execute them well. I think the main reason most of us loved the show was because seasons one and two were quite good - and those were the seasons that the writers had years in front of them to plan out - and then we were just into it. From season 3 onward, you can see the writing quality decline, from the occasional wtfs of s3 to the outright out-of-character, pointless, even backpedalling decisions pretty much all the characters took in s6 (I believe that the main reason s7 worked was because they had a lot of clean-slate characters, even Rogers had a different path to expand from). So there’s the theme of the writers having great ideas, but they can’t work on a very small time frame and develop a whole season in the span of a few months, so their ideas fall flat.

Onto Dark Hook and Dark Swan.

Again, Dark Swan is a great idea; Emma facing her strongest fears, just at the time that she’s fully ready to accept her future and move on from her past pain. But what they failed to realize is how complicated of a concept that is, and how to give it justice, it needs more than a half-season with a limited screentime because of the development of other characters, as all ensemble cast shows have to do. Add to that the fact that the writers wanted to pander to the audience with ANGST! for CS and the obligatory SQ-but-no-homo storyline... with a group of writers that can’t execute their ideas... on a limited screentime... you get this.

And this is a magnificent failure, not only by itself, but most importantly its consequences.

The Dark CS storyline has zero consequences. As proven by the horribly-written s6, Emma doesn’t learn to trust in her family. She doesn’t learn to stop working on her own, to recognize her work - I mean, when she comes back from the Underworld, she’s all “Boohoo I should never have gone there” like bish you saved Killian? You helped souls move on? Bish? - or learn from her own mistakes. Killian... he just falls deeper into self-loathing, and I’m not sure how that’s a positive development from him. He was already on the path of making himself better, of wanting to repent; he didn’t need to assist in nearly killing Emma’s entire family, close and extended, in order to have a development.

And of course, there’s the matter of the heavy things both of them did; Emma ripped out Violet’s heart to force her to break Henry’s heart in order to get his tears. She literally manipulated things and people’s - her own son’s! - emotions to get to the final point. Which may have been a noble cause, freeing Merlin from his prison, but immoral acts for a noble cause? That’s the work of an Anti-Hero character, not a Hero character. And that’s not something the writers realized let alone admitted in the narrative.

Same with saving Killian’s life, against his own dying wish. I actually recently remembered this exchange they had:

Killian: Do you have any idea how it feels to not be in control of yourself? [...] Emma: I know exactly how it feels! Everyone I’ve ever loved abandoned me!

And like, what’s the connection between point A and point B? Killian is talking to her about becoming a puppet to someone, not having free will of choice, and Emma is talking about how she had no control over when people would leave her. One is a terrifying matter, and the other is something everyone goes through. You can’t choose when the people you love will die, and you will meet people who will hurt you.

But because Emma has had that latter a little too much, she wanted control over it. And with the Dark One’s powers, she was even more inclined to use them to make sure it doesn’t happen. Ergo, her taking away Killian’s consent, when he was choosing to die. And then again by hiding Excalibur from him, lying to him about it, forcing him to talk to her by summoning him when he had chosen to go away because he was enraged over the previous three betrayals, and then by taking away his memories when she concluded that he was “too far gone”. Again, manipulation and control, in order to save Killian’s life - when he didn’t want to be saved, btw - all acts of an Anti-Hero character.

And then you have Killian. I’ve said before how I think most of the things he said and done as a Dark One were Killian’s actual deep fears - that he had become a lovesick puppy dog, that Emma was eventually going to push him away and revert to her “orphan” state, that he had no hope of making amends for his villainous past, so might as well give up trying, and making sure Rumpelstiltskin doesn’t hurt him again - so having him say both things like “That’s why you’ll always be an orphan” and “I might have given you your wife back. Soiled, but returned” on the same episode, you kinda wonder, how much of that does he mean? What the hell is going on?

The fact that right after waking up, he desires to die because he thinks he deserves to more than Emma does, the fact that after Emma rescues him he’s a mess with guilt... those kinda point to the fact that he had some control over what he was doing, or at least his feelings behind them - that, for example, he regrets allowing the Dark Ones to nearly kill Emma’s family and friends just so he could have his revenge on Rumpelstiltskin.

So, you’ve got some heavy issues. Manipulation, betrayal of trust, controlling and disregard of consent on the one side, and humiliation, degradation and homicidal attempt on the other side.

What are the consequences of all that? Nothing. The Dark CS storyline is forgotten, Killian’s guilt over it is mentioned once in the later episodes and then never again.

All those required at least a moment to sit and talk about. Killian feeling guilty over it for about one episode - and just for the things he did! God forbid we have Emma face the emotional consequences her actions had on other people - doesn’t even begin to reach enough. 

So overall, it was a very interesting concept, with a less than promising introduction and execution, and an outright disappointing and unrealistic conclusion. And I’m saying this as a CS fan - I’m not saying nothing of this should’ve happened. It was interesting to see how they happened, to see Emma’s and Killian’s deepest fears surface and take control of their actions, but it was disappointing to see that it lead to nothing. It was emotionally taxing, especially if you connected to the characters, and then it was nothing. It never happened, please look away and look! Cruella’s back and we got a villain with blue flaming hair please keep watching the show despite the fact that we disregard one of the oldest rules of storytelling by not providing Catharsis!

So yeah. Disappointing, 0/10, wouldn’t invest in anything A&E write again.

[zhuhongs]

Upon rereading tgcf, one of the biggest complaints I have is how lackluster all the extra chapters were. literally none of them were good and all contained rlly gross and harmful sentiments (like the amnesia one which.. yea.. or all the things implying xl should get pregnant for hc thus equating gay relationships with hetero ones and playing into the wife thing and just GOD I HATE MXTX) 

There were a lot of little plot points i wish that had been further elaborated on more in the extras as opposed to hualian being ... like that. I had enough. Like mdzs had actaully good extras (minus the incense burners) that were nice side stories that elaborated more on the characters. Like the hook one with the juniors was so cute and i loved seeing them grow more. Or the lotus pod extras omg.. im such a lotus pod extra stan. those were so cute and gave us a lot of good insight into just how lovestruck lwj was during the times when he didn’t see wwx. mxtx should've stuck to those sorta extras in tgcf but NOOO. SO I have a list of so many other more interesting things those chapters couldve been spent on like:

A resolution on He Xuan’s revenge and his character arc. Bc its implied He Xuan is still hanging out and watching over sqx and that taking revenge didn’t fully satisfy him bc ok.. yea shi wudu is dead but he xuans family will never come back. Now what does he have to live for?? i wish we couldve seen a look into his life during the entire ordeal. like a chapter from his perspective while he was posing as Ming Yi  and maybe a look at a conversation btw he xuan and the real ming yi or a chapter after SQX was banished to see what he’s doing now. Also what did he xuan owe hua cheng money for anyways?? Like ik not every little thing has to be explained but I Want to Know. PLEASE more goth boyfriend content now I just wanna see him :,((

a better resolution of yin yu and quan yizhens storyline. im still mad abt how that plot point was split btw books 3 and 5  when it was rlly out of place and  there were other more pressing plot matters and it just rlly deserved more time. Also i thought yin yu died!?!?!? but apparently one of the extras says he’s alive and man... i;m not reading any more of the extras to see that, give me a full yin yu and quan yizhen chapter.. fuck.

a day in the life of the guoshi fangxin or general hua PLEASE especially like one where hua cheng was SO CLOSE to meeting xie lian but had no clue that xie lian was there at the time but the two did smth that inadvertantly helped the other and they still were connected even though they hadnt met omg pls that’d be so nice. like imagine Hua cheng catching a glimpse of the guoshi in public in yong’an while he’s trying to follow some lead that points to xie lian or maybe following a lead to capture qi rong bc he said he knew qi rong was a part of the yong’an stuff and originally thought the guoshi was one of qi rongs pawns. like can you IMAGINE him getting so close. but at the last second he did smth small that impacted xie lian. like they bumped into eachother on the street or smth. god i’d go crazy

OR vice versa.. like a day in the life of the young ghost king hua cheng. Like again, one of my biggest issues was that hua cheng just knew everything and its never really explained how he got all of that info. like yes he’s been alive very long and has eyes and ppl working for him everywhere but like... how did he build that network?? I’d love to see a chapter of young ghost king hua cheng travelling around trying to learn as much as he can abt the world and how it can help bring him to xie lian. and the two maybe are in the same kingdom for a bit and they don’t meet exactly but hua cheng stops some fight or something and helps xie lian indirectly or maybe xie lian is performing on the street in some costume and hua cheng doesn’t recognize him and smiles and gives him a coin or smth. idk i’m just dying for any sorta extra chapter or fic like that. i’m honestly so tempted to write my own but i cant write

also!! we’ve seen how xie lian picks up people down on their luck near him and show them kindness (like banyue, lang ying, xiao ying, he tried to with san lang but we know how that ended lmao) so i’d love to see another little vignette of him doing that on his travels and how every person he meets teaches him smth about life and being a good person and idk, i just think it’d be rlly sweet. i love this facet of his character and feel like we didn’t see enough of it towards the end.

ALSO hua cheng only seems to respect one heavenly official besides xie lian and thats yushi huang.. i assume thats mostly bc she was the only one to help xie lian and let him use the rain master hat to bring water to yong’an. I was thinking maybe when he was a new supreme he had run into trouble and maybe was picked up by the rain master and helped him heal and in return he promised to help protect her village from harm in the future. Like i know a heavenly official wouldn’t cooperate with a ghost like that but yushi huang is different and doesn’t really care about the heavens so i think she would protect him if he could do something to benefit her village. ik this is kinda far fetched but when he first became a supreme I’m sure a bunch of ppl probably tried to mess with him and didn’t rlly believe him to be undefeatable bc he hadn’t proved himself yet also i doubt all his power came overnight. he had to learn how to use it once he escaped the kiln. and some group probably thought they could weaken him somehow. I’m thinking maybe a rlly well formed group of ghosts actually caught him off guard once and he had to retreat and was picked up by the rain master and stayed with her and learned from her a bit. i think it’d be a cool concept also i just rlly want more yushi huang content and i’m on their friendship agenda bc he rlly did seem to actually respect her when she first appeared and i think it’d be cool if the two had some history together.

Also idrc if this was addressed I couldve missed it But!! Did xie lian ever tell Hua cheng that the reason he got the curse shackles and was banished again in the first place wasnt bc jun wu wanted to punish him, but because he requested it. And specifically requested it bc he felt guilty abt letting wu ming take the human face disease and disperse for his sake. So he took the shackles and descended to atone for that?? Bc I dont recall hua cheng learning that bc his soul was already dispersed at that point so it didnt follow him and xie lian didnt say anything so uhhh... someone should tell hua cheng that. Like I dont think xie lian rlly said how much hua cheng meant to him and didnt show him he was loved in grand ways. Like xie lian did always care for bc in other ways but I think if hua cheng learned abt this on screen it wouldve been such a great moment and I'm rlly surprised mxtx didnt address this iirc!?!? Like imagine jun wu telling Hua cheng this in the kiln bc xie lian wouldnt say it himself. Imagine how cool that would be.

Also a small thing adding into the whole young ghost king Hua cheng stuff. Its implied and p much stated that hua cheng isnt his real name. That he likely doesnt have a real name bc his parents died? (It's not clear. I'm still mad at mxtx for not making his childhood clearer). So I'd like to see when and why hua cheng chose that name for himself. The new tgcf ending song kinda hints at its meaning with the lyrics "for you I'd fill a city of flowers" as xie lian is the flower wielding martial god so it's probably inspired by that. Also xie lian saved hua cheng from leaping off the city walls but I'd love to hear him say it bc the implication of his name didnt dawn on me for quite a bit and I dont know if everyone made the connection. Again I sure as hell didnt. So itd be cool to see a chapter that takes place in his past after just ascending as a supreme

Overall I rlly think tgcf had a lot more potential to be even better and a lot of that comes down to fleshing out the side characters and letting hualian have more of a storyline independent of one another. like i know the appeal and message of tgcf is that through love, people can overcome anything, but fuck man. i just wanna see what these two (mostly hua cheng) where like in the absence of each others presence. Part of what I really liked abt mdzs is that we got to see that longing develop btw wangxian when the two weren’t together and how they thought about each other and did things in thei others spirit bc they knew the other wouldve done the same thing. but whatever, mxtx was too consumed by her own unhealthy idea of what devotion and true love looks like but still. i rlly think the extras couldve helped the story be better rather than be fujoshi fuel that i try to bleach from my mind -_-

[char-lotteral]

✨✨✨✨✨

yeah!! I like these types of asks!! 

I’m going to be doing a bts for one of my fav fics which is Memento :DD

"...But just don’t get hooked on bad women,

Find someone just like me..."

Only noticing this; his mother's last words to him slowly began to resurface in Naruto's memory, as he was currently stranded within a dark cave, in the middle of an ongoing storm, with only Hinata Hyuuga to give him company.

First of all, I just wanna say that I am a sucker for NH blank period. Both after the war and the ten yr time skip. The idea of Naruto unconsciously pining for Hinata is so darn cute to me. Though, I love LOVE The Last, I can’t help but feel as if it was rushed or lacking. idek it lacked build up or a proper, rational explanation as to why Naruto felt that way for Hinata. I don’t like how it came off as “Oh she likes me? Well damn, I think I like her too.” I hated that. I hated how they executed it. I know that wasn’t the context of the story, I know that he realized his feelings for her but idk man, it lacked a lot of shit. At least until I read in a novel that Naruto and Hinata had in fact been hanging out more post war, and gradually became closer to the point of Sakura teasing Naruto about it. I also read up on some fics about Post War Blank Period and I just kinda made my own interpretations and headcanon and bam! problem solved. The idea of Naruto unconsciosly liking her while also becoming really good pals is so.fucking.cute. It’s basically your typical slow burn, friends to lovers. The slowest slow burn in history 

I want to know Naruto’s perspective about Hinata so baddd. Like, why’d you choose her? If you never found out she loved you, would you still choose her? And even though the anime never expounded on that, there are some subtle hints about it and I think its really cute. How he just immaturely blurts out how amazing she is or how strong she is. And the fact that he’s the only one to support her way back in the chuunin exams. I love that he’s so dopey about his feelings and how he’s her biggest fan, that I wanted to play around with it. I also saw in the games, Naruto Storm something, that Kakashi and Sakura poked fun at them by playing around and pushing the NH agenda by forcing them to go on missions together. Which is so freaking cute and so definitely canon idc.

And what I LOVE about NH the most is THE MINAKUSHI PARALLELS AJSFLJDK. How Naruto and Kushina are alike, Minato and Hinata are both calm, gentle soft little babies and they just contrast their partners so much aslhdjf. I LOVE THAT!!! This then made me remember about Kushina’s last words. “Find someone just like me” And like, a lot of *coughs* bitter shippers *coughs* misinterpreted that into a literal sense. Even Kishimoto fucking played around with it and I know it was a red herring but cmon man! We’re already on a tightrope here! That gf thingy in the war was so frustrating to watch omg. 

And I thought, hey, if you think about it, Naruto really doesn’t know how to grasp the concept of romantic love, the only love he’s been introduced to was either familial or platonic or a brotherly type of love. He knows what it looks like from the outside, (like Sakura being in love with Sasuke type of love) He knows what a crush feels like but he doesn’t know what romantic type of love feels like. You know?? Even Gaara couldn’t differentiate love between “a man and a woman” and love for comrades. No one handed it down to them on a silver platter and you can’t learn this shit in school or in thesaurus, you have to learn from it through experience, like how he learned about love throughout the series. And what better way to teach about it than through his very own mother! 

Kushina lecturing Naruto about romantic love and the difference between infatuation and true love is so freaking cute, I could not get that scenario out of my head. He has another dream of her and she just sits him through the difference of loving ramen and loving a real person. She so patient with him when she explains about what she meant by to “find someone just like her” Someone who was willing to go through it all, just like what his parents had done for him. Someone who’d love him unconditionally, just as much as they loved him. Someone who’d see past his bravado and heroic persona and fall in love for that dumb, reckless boy that he is :,)) Kushina would love Hinata so much I just can’t man afjshfs they fucking robbed of this. THEY FUCKING ROBBED US. 

I also mentioned Neji since Naruto was hella guilty about his death and it would make sense if Hinata was the one to talk him out of his shithole again. And you know, Neji would actually be the reason why they got closer in the first place. You know LIKE HOW KISHIMOTO FUCKING INTENDED IT BUT NEVER ONCE MENTIONED NEJI AFTERWARDS ALFHJSKGIE. My boi didn’t even get a freaking cameo in The Last T^T. Kishi stop hurting us like this T^T

So in my story, I combined all three factors that could push Naruto to maybe spur something within him about Hinata. I feel like if there was a similar animated episode, a filler or two maybe, where Naruto and Hinata are seen hanging out and slowly becoming closer, that would’ve been such a good segue for The Last and the whole “he realized his feelings for her” plot would’ve made more sense. So yeah, this story was basically how I wanted things to turn out and I’ve made this shit canon in my head now and no one can stop me :DDD Go read it if you want some NH blank period fluff in your life <3

[queerbra-rian]

REVIEW; THE GRAVITY OF US - PHIL STAMPER

-- ⚠ Trigger Warning : Just kidding. It's actually my first book review w/o a trigger warning. There are, however, some spoilers. Enjoy !

Genre: YA, Contemporary, realistic fiction, LGBT, MLM Pages: 314 Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟 --

As a successful social media journalist with half a million followers, seventeen-year-old Cal is used to sharing his life online. But when his pilot father is selected for a highly publicized NASA mission to Mars, Cal and his family relocate from Brooklyn to Houston and are thrust into a media circus. Amidst the chaos, Cal meets sensitive and mysterious Leon, another “Astrokid,” and finds himself falling head over heels—fast. As the frenzy around the mission grows, so does their connection. But when secrets about the program are uncovered, Cal must find a way to reveal the truth without hurting the people who have become most important to him.

-- REVIEW:

Okay guys. Let's be brutally honest. For all that matter, I was really looking forward to reading this book. Like really, really. And I was right about the hype it gave me. Once you begin this book, you really don't want to stop. Like I could have ditched work and all the rest to finish it ASAP kind of read. (Spoiler alert, I didn't) The Gravity of Us is a very cute read, like a fan-person level of cute read, and I definitely enjoyed it a lot. Mixing science and LGBT rep is definitely an awesome idea, I'd say, but it's my personal opinion based on things I love and believe.

What led me to read The Gravity of Us in the first place was reading As Far As You'll Take Me (and not finishing it, oops) while searching for Phil Stamper's bookography. This book was fascinating and I didn't even have it in my hands yet – general nerdiness around space travel and the race to colonise Mars is one of the major things I like to brag about IRL and I'm a queer review blog, so (okay no, really I did enjoy MLM story too); Once the book was in my hands, I could even wait to start reading it.

That is, the concept of ‘The Gravity of Us’ had me from the first line of the book. It was unique writing, and that's what got me hooked. And not so the love story inside it, which is too close for comfort, I must say. I crave for relationship that are build up through the book then become a thing. I did fell in love with this book, from the cover to the inside to the story, which uncover the struggles that the families of the astronauts face. It was also interesting when Cal started interviewing people and we got real information about spacey stuff (congrats on Phil for the research, I mean, wow. Kinda impressed here, it's not all writers that goes deep into their stuff). And am already hoping for a sequel. (Because i'm crazy like that yeah I guess, but you could also say Cal and Leon are actually my confort characters and I did want to know what happen between the time their parents are up in space)

As far as I am craving a complicated and intriguing borderline angsty love story (*cought* *cought*), Cal and Leon got me HOOKED. I feel like they both draw you in so easily into their story in its purest form. Was it fast? YES, definitely, but it's the kind of fast that is going somewhere instead of just crashing into pieces. If that does make sense, yeah, I would have loved to see some more tensions, more debate about whether or not they should get together and yada yada, but I think it's what makes it a perfect soft read at the beach or some sort of quiet retreat.

** spoiler ahead*

With them being famous and constantly under the spotlight of their astronaut parents, they kind of found each other despite all this mess, and that's what we call perfect unity.

Among all the different themes Stamper weaves into TGoU, by far my least favourite, is a debate about meaningful content versus reality TV. The media circus circling the crew and the mission is not focused on the science behind the mission; it’s focused on the personal lives of the astronauts. Cal, upon arriving in Clear Lake, takes it upon himself to show the world and his followers all of the real behind the scenes, being all "hired" subtly by NASA by proxy (spoiler sorry). I mean, picture this. A teenager from NY both got his dad into a national astronaut program (SPOILER: because you know, some folks at NASA saw his fizzle mizzle, I forgot the name, account and instantly knew it was a genius idea to bring him there, and not because his father was good for the job, soon to be astronaut duh) AND saved that program from shutting down when things went awry. It's literary fiction, and it's kind of okay, I guess, since it's a fiction book, but it bugs me. That's why I gave my review 4 stars.

Notable Quote; “If you want to kiss me, kiss me because you like me. Not because you think it will make you happy. You can't just kiss away all the bad feelings I have. You can't kiss me and make me better.”

[yahargul]

re:8/village good bad the ugly (spoilers!!!! HUGE SPOILERS!!!)

the good: very varied enemy types unlike re7 which had like...4, i like the crafting and upgrading system and the little unofficial mini side quests in the village where you can collect treasures and get ingredients for food, i really like those labyrinth puzzles too they’re just neat little additions. the character development is actually. surprisingly good for an re game. i already really liked mia in 7 but ethan grew on me in this game even if it was just cause i found all the ridiculous scenarios he got in to be so funny. he felt way more like a real person here which is funny considering he’s like an undead mold thing but still. THE DOLLHOUSE WAS SO GOOD!! best part in the game hands down. kinda wish we got more stuff like that. also the ending definitely hooked me into wanting to know more about the future of the winters family. kinda hoping rose gets the heather mason treatment where she gets her own game and story focus.

the bad: this isn’t strictly a ‘bad’ depending on your personal preference but this game is really easy and that kinda kills the tension bc the game overall is not very scary (see dollhouse as the exception). the boss fights are just dumb as fuck and i wish we would just abolish the concept of boss fights as they are really aren’t always necessary.

it’s REALLY hard not to make bloodborne comparisons especially with the enemy types and considering the final boss is literally mergo’s wet nurse but it just highlights how much i love bb’s boss fights and i can’t stand re8′s they’re just. too over the top? aside from pushing my suspension of disbelief to its absolute limits they also feel so wildly impersonal and boring. the reason these boss types work in bb is because the type of character you play and the battle system suits this sorta one on one combat with an incomprehensible being - it’s fast paced and engaging but in re you are just mindlessly pumping something full of bullets and it’s not even scary. the heisenberg fight is especially stupid i dont even know what to say about that one. the mini bosses were way more fun to fight. lady dimitrescu and her daughters were also a huge let down they had the least personality out of all 4 lords which was a bummer.

final note chris is also dumb and i don’t even understand his character direction. is he just terrible at his job idk

[retphienix]

Digging my 360 out is always a weird blast from the past for me, especially if I hook it up to an ethernet and look at more stuff (I recall getting really emotional over a lost family member's account still being there the last time I did this, I won't this time I promise).

Instead I just wanted to point at some of what shows up on My Games tab because it's a fun mix of good memories and things I don't recall at all.

Beat Hazard, played a bunch of songs on that.

My nerd ass getting all the achievements on Fallout 3 and NV because I was obsessed.

GAME ROOM existing, oof.

Hitman Absolution was my first hitman game if you don't count a handful of minutes at a relatives! I LIKED it! What the FUCK! lol I'm glad I liked it, but I honest to god could not go back to it today, I'm certain of that.

Maxed cheevos on I Am Alive- a game most don't respect at all but I really enjoyed it at the time- it came out when I was obsessed with post apocalypse stuff so it scratched that itch at just the right time.

I Made A Game With Zombies in it is a MASTERPIECE of a game, highly recommend looking up a playthrough for the music alone.

Iron Brigade is actually a game I've brought up before! For good reason! It's a game I love wholeheartedly and I think to date it is the only game I became THAT invested in the COMMUNITY side of things.

And what a unique experience that was.

Picture a game, right. You love it, it is niche as heck and you love it. The game has an official forum and pretty much no other place on the internet- so the forum is active! The devs are there! The best of the best and the most obsessed are there!

Now picture my nerd ass diving in, making an ass of myself, becoming at least recognized by a great portion of them, receiving a gift from the DEVS THEMSELVES, building the wikia with them, writing guides with them, stupidly turning down the opportunity to be involved in world first perfect runs with them (what the fuck was my problem) building broken strats with them-

I was incredibly active on the community side for that game, I miss that dearly. I really should take such a big commitment step again for the next niche game I enjoy :)

Enough about IB.

I went and maxed out Minecraft on 360 for some reason? What a bizarre thing to do. I'm pretty sure the achievements were stupid as hell (I ain't checking) and I don't recall really "playing" much? But that's also the biggest platform I ever played minecraft on? Oof.

Monday Night Combat, that was a fun game during its time.

Maxed out oblivion- fun story on that one.

Oblivion was one of those few games that I was hyped beyond words before release. I would watch the trailer again and again, I'd talk with friends and family about it nonstop, I recall going on and on about being able to choose how you used weapons, dual wield, one hand, two handed, magic, bow- I was blown away by the concept.

I did a similar bit of "gushing about basic mechanics" with Halo 1 to parental figures, that was fun.

But anyway- I was hyped for Oblivion, and I got all the achievements as you can see- but to this day I have not actually done much in Oblivion lol.

Little kid me was new to the entire concept of an open world RPG!

Little kid me JUST followed the quest markers and ONLY for the main quests and guild quests!

Little kid me did NOTHING in Oblivion! lol

So I have all these hours in it, I went and did a lot of the traditional Oblivion things like making a 100 chameleon armor set with duped sigil eyes or whatever but I haven't actually "just played" Oblivion, outside of stealing, I did a lot of stealing. But side content? Nope.

OH HECK YEAH PAYDAY 2!

I played Payday 2 on 360!

For those who don't know, PD2 on 360 is the OLD version, the OG skill system and the like. It's kind of a train wreck, but I played it nonstop for like a week? Maybe just a weekend? I recall telling my cousin to get it and then I don't remember us actually ever playing? I played with some friends, then by myself, then quit.

Fast forward and I buy it on PS4 and play it TOO MUCH then buy it on PC and play it TOO MUCH lol.

Oh, Rainbow Six Vegas is in the mix. Vegas and Vegas 2 were extremely fun IN THEIR TIME. I'd revisit them with a friend I'd bet, but the liklihood of that is kinda low.

You could use the 360 camera to add yourself to the game which was sick, and I'll never forget that sniper rifles could pinpoint blind fire due to an oversight. If you went against a wall (it's a cover shooter) and clicked in the zoom toggle for a sniper you would "zoom" your blind fire reticle which actually made the sniper go from "blind fire inaccurate" to "pinpoint directly on the reticle accurate" so snipers were busted lol.

If my reckless ramble wasn't a hint at what I'm about to say at the beginning: The 360 was the true height of my gaming history. It was the console I played as a teen which is to say it was the console I had infinite time and resources to pour into, and pour into I did.

Even today I don't just sit around playing games nonstop, sometimes I wish I would, but it just doesn't "fit" anymore- but kid me? He loved that shit.

So when it comes to stories I have about games, most of them are about the 360 which means a lot of them aren't really the most entertaining to share I think?

Most people want to hear about classic game stuff, or modern game stories- but I have all this weird and out of place knowledge about what it was like being obsessed with games on the 360- an experience a lot of people my age also have so, again, they aren't interested in hearing :P

[eastertag]

@eirabach gift for @fallenfurther

Hello @fallenfurther I’m your EasterTAG author! I’m so sorry. Your lovely fluffy prompts got eaten by my angsty frame of mind, but here’s International Rescue and an Easter Egg Hunt / Gordon + Alan + Bunny headbands. Sort of. Happy Easter to your and yours, stay safe out there! <3

---

Like most terrible ideas, it had seemed like a good one at the start. At least, Gordon had thought so, but then Gordon would. It was Lady Penelope’s idea, after all, and Alan’s only too aware that when she says jump, Gordon is already halfway down the cliff face.

Just a little bit of International Rescue’s celebrity clout, darlings, she’d said, and that wouldn’t have worked on Scott and it wouldn’t have worked on John and it didn’t work on Virgil, but she’d smiled as she’d asked and there Gordon had gone, head first, dragging Alan after him. 

C’mon, it’s for a good cause?

There’s a plea in his voice and a glint in his eye that leads Alan to suspect that the cause closest to Gordon’s heart isn’t, entirely, the children’s hospital fundraiser itself, but rather that this is a charitable means to an end that Alan probably doesn’t want to witness.

Celebrity clout, though. What a concept. Probably works better when people can see who you are.

“No.”

“Aw come on,” Gordon wheedles, “you owe me this.”

This is fundamentally untrue, of course, and they both know it, but this is also how all arguments between the two of them tend to go. There’s a script, a set text to follow, and the winner is the one who hangs on the longest. Alan knows his role well, and he’s not planning to deviate today.

“How, on any level, do I owe you this?”

“I took the blame for the hair dye thing?” This makes it sound like it was a mere misdemeanor, a nothing-prank, when Alan’s ears are still ringing and Virgil’s carefully coiffed locks are still six shades pinker than they ought to be. This is Gordon clutching at straws already, and Alan’s got this one in the bag.

He still has a point to prove though. “Because you did it!’

A shrug. "Semantics.”

“Ugh. Why though?” Alan knows why, of course. He’s the youngest, he’s not an idiot. 

Penelope asked and Gordon jumped, sure, but there’s a secret there – something about Alan’s closest brother that most people, heck all people that don’t share their genetics probably, don’t know. This probably looks like pride to them, like vanity. Like Gordon’s thrusting the rabbit costume at Alan because he wants Alan to be the one who’s embarrassed, like it’s something shameful to be seen cavorting about at a charity function with three foot long furry feet and a snout.

It isn’t, not at all. Alan knows that. Gordon will dress up and dance about for pretty much anybody, he doesn’t need an excuse and he definitely doesn’t need convincing. 

Thing is, though, the thing is, is that there’s an edge to Gordon around hospitals. A twitch. Something a bit paler around his brother’s only somewhat hypothetical gills. The sort of thing that might be hidden behind a furry rabbit costume but that would be happier, vastly so, behind the half a tonne of steel and plexiglass that is the waiting Pod B.

Alan knows this because he’s not an idiot, even though sometimes he thinks maybe that Gordon is.

“It wasn’t your turn,” Gordon says, purest innocence, and no, no he’s not that dumb. No one is that dumb. Are they?

"Not that.” Alan hisses. “Why this?” He lifts the stuffed rabbit’s head and gives it a little shake. Gordon huffs, shrugging his shoulders like Alan’s transformation into a giant stuffed rodent ought to be obvious. Like all those other people are right and this is just one more big joke played by the biggest joker of them all.

“It’s an Easter egg hunt. You need a bunny.”

“You need a bunny. I need to be literally anywhere else.” Then, with a narrowing of eyes, the question he already knows the answer to, the one Gordon won’t answer because hell if he’ll admit to a weakness. “Why can’t you be the bunny?”

“Because.”

Because to Gordon hell looks like pale-faced children and smells like bleach, but Penelope asked. Penelope asked and here he is regardless, and honestly? Honestly, Alan thinks Gordon deserves this one.

“Bullshit.”

Gordon’s mouth moves but nothing comes out. The script has run its course, and he’s left with only one choice. Admit it, or wear it. Alan can taste victory already, as sweet as their stash of chocolate eggs.

“Gentlemen? Are you ready?”

The head drops between them with a soft thump, landing neatly on top of the rest of the outfit before rolling away toward the door. It comes to a rest against Penelope’s feet, and she looks from it to them, one eyebrow raised in query. Her hair is topped with a set of snow white fluffy ears that nod gently as she bends down to pick the discarded head up.

“Um,” says Gordon, which is, again, pretty much par for the course lately whenever Penelope appears. It’s sort of tragic. Alan sort of pities him. Sort of.

He is not gonna be the rabbit now though, and that’s for sure.

“Boys?” She’s holding the head out now, and that eyebrow’s been joined by a little furrow right in the middle of her forehead. “The children are waiting.”

“Oh man,” says Alan, cheerful as can be as he backs away and around Penelope, “can’t leave the kids waiting huh, Gordy? Better get that head on! I’ll be out in the pod okay just give me a shout or – y’know, snuffle. Whichever. Bye!”

He bolts for it across the manicured lawns of the hospital wing with Penelope’s family name emblazoned above its entrance, and throws himself into the cockpit of Pod B moments before the stream of hover chairs and humanity appear. The grapple launchers are locked and loaded with more than enough sweet treats to feed the small army of children and their carers that are now gathering alongside him, all wide eyes and hopeful smiles. He just needs to wait for the bunny.

So he waits.

And waits.

And waits.

Parents are beginning to look concerned. Small sickly children in nightwear are going a little blue around the edges of a British April and one unimpressed looking teenager appears to be scratching their initials into the pod’s right engine with an IV hook. So Alan’s celebrity grin is kinda feeling the strain by the time the Easter Bunny launches himself from the potting shed and skids to a halt in the centre of the lawn.

Penelope isn’t far behind, hands smoothing her skirts, one of her bunny ears flopping over her eye, and Alan would probably be more suspicious except he doesn’t really have time – Penelope’s speaking and Gordon’s being swarmed by tiny figures that tug at his fur and hang from his shoulders – and he ought to just fire the candies into the air, take a few selfies for twittergram and get home. He ought to, but instead, he doesn’t.

Instead, he watches his brother take the smiles and the selfies, watches Lady P guide him – half blind as he must be – across the lawn to where the more poorly and less mobile children linger. Watches as his brother swallows the dread and the fear and the bile to kneel before children swathed in wires and make each of their faces a little brighter. Watches the soft tightening of Penelope’s hand in the bunny’s coat as he shakes each ashen hand with a huge, solid paw.

Then he fires.

Brightly wrapped eggs scatter like confetti and children stream after them, shrieking with glee, their nurses and parents and problems left behind, and, in the midst of it all, he sits and watches Gordon take the credit.

Yeah, he deserves this one.

[terramythos]

TerraMythos’ 2020 Reading Challenge In Review - 8/10s!

See Master Post 

Here’s the 8/10s! This is basically the mid-level “stuff I liked” rating. 

1. How Long ‘Til Black Future Month? by N. K. Jemisin (Full Review Here)

The 8/10 on this is a little misleading, as it’s an average score among 22 stories. Anthologies are basically never going to be my highest-rated works because to me short fiction is hit-or-miss. As you can tell from my actual write-up, there are a lot of great stories here; Jemisin is just a fantastic writer. The Trojan Girl, Valedictorian, The Evaluators, The Narcomancer, and Too Many Yesterdays/Not Enough Tomorrows all live in my head rent-free. There’s just some that also didn’t click with me. 

2. All Systems Red (The Murderbot Diaries #1) by Martha Wells (Full Review Here) 

If you peeked at the 9 and 10 lists you know I loved this series, lol. This one ranked a little lower than the others because it’s super short! Just as I started getting attached to Murderbot and interested in the world, the book ended. It was a good hook to get me further into the series but hard to rank on its own. The other novellas ranked higher since I was more familiar with Murderbot by then.  I’m very glad I stuck with it and kept reading! 

3. City of Saints and Madmen (Ambergris #1) by Jeff VanderMeer (Full Review Here) 

This is the first book in the pseudo-trilogy that is the Ambergris series. It’s basically a short story collection, and boy is it weird! There’s clearly something wrong with Ambergris as a city, and it’s hard to parse fact from fiction when the stories intentionally contradict each other or obfuscate information. There’s a ton of hints that don’t pay off until Finch, which is totally bonkers. Anyway, I really liked the horror/historical stories (yes those are basically the same when it comes to Ambergris) -- The Hoegbotton Guide to the Early History of Ambergris, The Transformation of Martin Lake, King Squid, and my personal favorite The Cage. The other stories just ranged from mildly interesting to meh. 

4. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz (Full Review Here)

I can totally see why this is a classic in LGBT YA fiction. The writing and love story are both fantastic. As someone perpetually closeted in real life, the struggle of Ari realizing he’s in love with his best friend hits close to home, and is clearly drawn from the author’s own relationship with his sexuality. I really like that both of the leads’ families are integral to the story, and while Ari’s personal arc is a family conflict, it’s refreshingly not due to the LGBT stuff. This book would be an easy 10/10 but something happened near the middle that totally killed the pace for me. Thankfully it does get better in the last third or so. 

5. The Siren Depths (The Books of the Raksura #3) by Martha Wells (Full Review Here) 

This book is probably my favorite in the original trilogy; I like the reveal of Moon’s past and the complicated emotions associated with that. The Fell are genuinely creepy villains played to their full potential as well. The Siren Depths also introduces two of my favorite characters, Malachite and Shade. It’s got the emotions! It’s got the action! It’s got the kinda-horror! The main thing that dragged down the score is the ending, which felt rushed and tied up way too quickly. 

6. The Cloud Roads (The Books of the Raksura #1) by Martha Wells (Full Review Here) 

As an introduction to the Raksura series, I really liked this book! There’s a sense of this huge setting with lots of interesting worldbuilding and development. I’ve said it a lot, but I like that it’s a fantasy setting with zero humans or recognizable fantasy races. It’s also super cool to have the main characters able to shapeshift and fly! Moon learning about the Raksura and their culture feels natural because he’s an outsider. I also like his arc; how he mistrusts/allies with the Raksura for convenience, then gradually finds his place among them. At this point in the series the Fell weren’t especially interesting villains, but (spoiler) the series does eventually address this. 

7. Middlegame by Seanan McGuire (Full Review Here) 

So I really like the concept behind this one -- twins created by shady alchemical experiments get tossed into the real world in order to observe their natural development. While intentionally kept apart, they manage to find each other nevertheless via telepathy. There’s this grand scheme for the villains to steal the twins’ power and become a god? And at some point the reader realizes there’s time loops and stuff where they’re trying to prevent certain bad endings (hello Zero Escape)? Platonic soulmates?! Just... a lot of interesting stuff going on. I think what kept this from a 9 or a 10 for me is much of the book reads like contemporary coming-of-age fiction, which isn’t what I was looking for with a concept like this. Technically the “ordinary” nature of the first half is a façade because Plot, but... you still have to read through it. 

8. A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson (Full Review Here) 

This is an interesting nonfiction work that summarizes major scientific knowledge in terms a layman can understand. Bryson is actually a travel writer, but consulted dozens of experts in order to write this book and cites the hell out of everything. I think he does a great job presenting accurate and accessible information. Even stuff I learned in school is explained in ways that make more sense than how I was taught-- like ice ages. I also learned lots of interesting facts! My main issue is there’s a heavy focus on individual scientists, many of whom were boring. And while this isn’t the book’s fault, some of the info is outdated. I think this would benefit from a revised edition. 

9. Wolf by Wolf (Wolf by Wolf #1) by Ryan Graudin (Full Review Here) 

Absolutely fuckin’ bonkers concept. Alternate “the Nazis won” history, starring a Holocaust escapee who can skinshift, posing as a professional motorcyclist, trying to compete and win an annual Reich-sponsored race, in order to get a private audience with Hitler and murder the shit out of him? Probably the most surprising thing about the premise is it mostly works. I really like the deliberate pacing through the tense motorcycle race, the level of deception Yael has to maintain, and the harrowing flashback sequences. Sometimes the symbolism is a little heavy-handed, and I wasn’t a huge fan of the generic antagonistic YA love interest character Luka, but overall I was pleasantly surprised by this one. 

10. A Conspiracy of Truths (A Conspiracy of Truths #1) by Alexandra Rowland (Full Review Here) 

This takes place in a fantasy world with analogues to real-world nations. The main character, an old man named Chant, is a professional storyteller who is arrested for supposed witchcraft in the Eastern Europe-esque country of Nuryevet. While it’s clearly a farce, he’s screwed over by the local political system and imprisoned. Faced with possible execution, Chant uses his gift for storytelling to manipulate local powers, and accidentally starts a political revolution in the country. Whoops! 

I liked the book’s meta-commentary on storytelling, and it features a lot of wonderful side-stories told by Chant and other characters. Oddly enough, the economics are super interesting (a trait shared with the sequel). My main criticism is most of the political intrigue goes down off-screen; we just learn about it through other characters. While that makes sense with an imprisoned protagonist, it’s not the most exciting approach. I ended up liking A Choir of Lies more, but this one was still good. 

11. The Serpent Sea (The Books of the Raksura #2) by Martha Wells (Full Review Here)

Boy did I read a lot of Martha Wells this year. This is the last one! This is probably my least favorite of the series; very much a filler/side-story. Nevertheless, it’s an entertaining entry on its own merits. The leviathan city is distinctively gross, and I liked the evil magister antagonist and his creepy-ass museum. This is also where we learn about Chime’s powers, which continue to be relevant through the series. But I don’t have a whole lot to say beyond that. It’s a solid entry that doesn’t change much.

[martianbugsbunny]

OUAT Thoughts Pt.39--Episodes 14-15

I have watched through S4E15; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.

—I love Cruella and Maleficent making bets with jewelry. Maybe it’ll class up Cruella’s look.

—It’s cool that we’re basically pretending the original frilly version of Maleficent didn’t exist. There hasn’t been a single comment about how different she dresses.

—Ursula has gone from regular villain terrible to slightly more than regular villain terrible. Maleficent reveals that Snow is pregnant and Ursula’s like, cool, can I kill her now?

—Is this going to be something where the Charmings are directly responsible for Maleficent’s baby, or something where their guilt is leading them to exaggerate? I have difficulty believing it’s going to be entirely because of something they did, because the writers aren’t going to completely tank two of the most lovable characters like that.

—Maybe the curse is to blame? And because Snow and Charming refused to work with Maleficent to prevent the curse, they feel responsible?

—The concept of dark Emma that has been not-so-subtly thrown out there is intriguing. I’m not sure I want her to go full villain-mode, but some darkness might be interesting.

—Pretty fly that Emma didn’t demand an explanation from Hook about his past run-ins with Ursula, or stay mad at him for not telling her. She had every right to be upset about the fact that he lied about not remembering, but waiting for him to want to talk about it is good. Really, I just find this show consistently thumbing its nose at the expectations other media has ingrained in me, in a really good way. The characters aren’t total arses to their significant others about insignificant things.

—Regina decides to go undercover in the villain gang and immediately switches to wearing a leather skirt. Rock on, Your Majesty.

—Maleficent’s hat is kinda ugly (not actually ugly, just gives too many Zelena vibes) but the rest of her outfit gives 50s lesbian, so it’s all good.

—Also, I love it when other villains call her Mal. I’m *this* close to either shipping her and Cruella or just slapping a 🌟polycule🌟 sticker on them and Ursula.

—And speaking of Mal and relationships, who the heck was she having a kid with? It’s gotta be some as-of-yet unseen villain, cause there’s no way Mal would fall in with a non-villain.

—Such a pretty dragon.

—Belle’s thing with Will Scarlett is kinda tacky. First, as far as I know she and Rumple aren’t actually divorced, which I will admit I am inconsistent on depending on the couple, but right now I’m going with annoyed about it. Second, having dates with Will in Rumple’s store is grody regardless of the marriage issue. And I’m by no means an expert on relationships or the human brain, but given the tragic nature of her split with Rumple, it seems a bit soon for her to already have a new boyfriend.

—I really don’t want Regina to be bad again. I have faith in her to be good, though. If she were a self-existent entity with no writers messing with her life, I wouldn’t have a single doubt.

—Auggie returns!…But unfortunately, this ruins the nice lil family life Pinocchio and Gepetto had going for them.

—Emma’s obsession with grilled cheese is adorable. Me, I hate grilled cheese (American cheese sucks on basically anything that’s not a burger, and finding a melty cheese that also tastes good is surprisingly hard) but I love her for loving it. And Captain Hook bringing her grilled cheese and onion rings is the kind of couple goals I have.

—Very glad Rumple’s got his dagger back. If that dilemma hadn’t been solved so fast, I would’ve spent so much effort waiting for the shoe to drop I wouldn’t have paid enough attention to the rest of the story.

—Maleficent keeping a baby rattle as a necklace is among the saddest things to happen on this show.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Three Hundred Thirty-Three: The Phone is Ringing ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Hyūga Hiashi, Haruno Sakura, Hyūga Hanabi, Hyūga Neji ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

It takes exactly eight rings before the answering machine picks up.

When it does, a honey-sweet voice speaks.

“Hello! You’ve reached Hinata Hyūga. I can’t make it to the phone right now, but leave your name and your number, and I’ll c-call you back as soon as I can!”

She’s always hated how she stutters in it. After a dozen tries and every single one having at least one hiccup, she just gave up and took the last one. In part, she wonders if it’s played any roles in certain calls simply hanging up rather than leaving a message.

The machine is on a little table in the entryway of her apartment, the volume soft as not to be too terribly overheard by anyone walking by. Beside it is a little bowl where she typically keeps her keys, and a hook for her coat and purse. Today, all three are missing.

When the phone rings, it proceeds all the way to voicemail.

“Hinata, this is your father. This is the fourth time I’ve tried calling you the past two days, and you’ve still returned none of my messages. This is hardly becoming behavior, young lady. Something we’ll have to discuss once you finally get back to me. Your sister tells me you’ve been ignoring her texts. You can’t avoid us, Hinata. We’re family, no matter how disdainful you might find that to be.”

There’s the subtle sound of a landline being set back in its cradle, and then the apartment goes quiet again. A bright red 5 blinks along the screen, eager for attention.

No one gives it.

A few hours later, rain begins to pour. Carried by the wind, it impacts rather noisily against the windows that face the north, droplets exploding and slithering down the glass. The view from the fifth story blurs. Downtown is drenched in grey as the storm settles over, headlights a soft yellow as they struggle to cut through the gloom. Neon signs of downtown flicker and warp in the view through the water.

Just as the sun starts to go down, the phone begins to ring again. After eight tones with no answer, the machine picks up.

“Hey Hina! It’s Sakura. Just thought I’d check in on you - it’s been a while! Haven’t heard from you in a hot minute, and uh...figured I’d see if maybe you’d be down to hang for a while! I’m back in town next week for a conference, and I’d love to see you. I know you’re pretty busy, but hey, if you’ve got a spare hour or two while I’m around, let me know! Bye.”

There’s a few muffled background noises before the message cuts off completely. The 5 changes to a 6.

Night falls, and still the table remains empty save for the machine. Light creeps in around the main door, and a light on a timer in the kitchen flares to life. Otherwise, the apartment remains dark, and just as silent.

And so it goes until morning.

At seven am sharp, the phone is ringing once again. Once, twice, all the way to eight times.

“Hello Miss Hyūga. This is your supervisor Kurenai Yūhi. It was brought to my attention that you failed to appear at work yesterday with no prior notice. I know that you mentioned, in passing, that you had some...personal issues going on. But work policy mandates that, outside of an emergency, you give at least eight hours notice before a missed shift. If this happens again, I’ll have no choice but to write you up and place you on temporary suspension. You’ve been an exemplary employee during your three years with us, but I can’t make exceptions. Please contact me at your earliest convenience.”

The line goes quiet.

The table is empty.

The 6 becomes a 7.

Midafternoon, the ringing tone of the phone shrilly sounds five times...and then silence. On the phone’s caller ID, an obvious spam number displays. It leaves no message.

It’s nearly five o’clock when it rings again. And again. And again, until her pre-recorded message greets the silent apartment.

“...hey, ‘nata. It’s me, Hanabi. Look, uh...I’m seriously starting to get a little freaked out? You’ve never ignored me this long. Not even when I broke that old rabbit figurine Mom gave you. Please, just...let me know you’re okay? I dunno what I did to make you mad, or...maybe it’s not me you’re mad at. But I’m your sister. We might not always get along, but like...we’re sisters. Talk to me, ‘nata. If Dad’s being an asshole, just ignore him. But please...don’t shut me out. Okay? Love you…”

There’s a small, audible sigh...and then silence. The 7 blinks, and is reborn as an 8.

The rest of the evening passes quietly. The only interruption is a rowdy group of young men stumbling drunkenly past the door, the sober among them shushing for silence only to be ignored. They enter the apartment next door, where music begins to play and raucous laughter easily bleeds through the thin walls. But despite all of the rowdiness that carries well into the night, there’s no one home to complain.

The next morning, it’s foggy with a light misting of rain. Kurenai calls again and informs Hinata that her formal suspension is now in place. Should she miss one more day of work, she’ll be forced to terminate her employment.

The 8 becomes a 9.

A random number calls around ten, proclaiming that a recent fraud case in her town may have affected her identity, and to immediately call this number to confirm. Yet another clear case of spam.

9 makes way for the double digits of 10.

And then, in the early afternoon, another call.

“Hinata. This is your cousin Neji. Your father is furious that you have yet to return his calls, and is in the process of filing a missing person’s report. I implore you - if you are simply being obstinate - to drop this charade immediately before the police are forced to intervene. You know we can’t have a scandal like this in the family over a petty disagreement. Whatever Hiashi has done...surely it isn’t worth things becoming this complicated. Whatever has happened, you know I’m here for you. But this has carried on long enough. I only hope that...drama is all this is, and you aren’t in any trouble, cousin. Please call me as soon as you hear this message.”

...10 becomes 11.

The day continues to wane. The rain continues to fall. The machine continues to flash, seemingly desperate to be seen as the bright red numerical digits only get brighter as the ambient light fades.

...and then the door opens.

Heavy-footed, a figure steps in, exhaustion clear in their posture, but otherwise seemingly fine. A bag is tossed under the table, keys barely flung into the bowl. Coat still worn, she pauses as she spies the machine.

“...oh, s-shoot…”

A dainty finger presses the play button. The first message is a telemarketer, which she promptly deletes. The next four are from her father, and Hinata’s lips press into a thin, irritated line. Each message becomes more and more agitated, and a small part of her can’t help but feel satisfaction.

After all, he brought this all on himself.

Her gut twinges in guilt at Sakura’s message - she’ll have to call her back later. Kurenai’s earn a grimace. She has her mobile number...why didn’t she try there? Hanabi also makes her shoulders wilt guiltily. As soon as she’s done, she’ll shoot her a text. She just...hasn’t been in the headspace.

Neji’s, however, makes her swear. Sure, it probably looked bad, but...really? Really? What an idiot her father is...she’ll call Neji and let him know Hiashi can call off the stupid missing person’s case. And let him know that any drama isn’t her fault. That lies solely on her father’s stubborn shoulders!

But before she gets to any of that, she takes out her cell and scrolls through her contacts, finding the appropriate name before calling. It rings once, twice, three times.

“Hello?”

“Hey...I’m home.”

“Oh, good. Glad you made it okay. So, uh…?”

“I’ll talk to my landlord tomorrow. It’s g-going to take some doing. I don’t have much, but some should probably go into storage…”

“That’s fine. I think there’s units near my place, so we can just put what you don’t want in there.”

“All right. Um...I think I might have gotten fired…”

“Oh shit, really?”

“I’ll call Kurenai here in a minute, but...for some reason she never bothered with my mobile. And I was just so out of it…”

“Well, hopefully she’ll understand. Anyone else?”

“Family, mostly...my father being r-ridiculous. Hanabi was worried, and Neji. But I’ll talk to them, too. They aren’t going to be happy…”

“Sometimes you have to think about your own happiness, Hinata. This is what you want, right…?”

“It is.”

“...I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

“I don’t. I told you they’d react like this. I knew they would...it’s my fault for being so quiet about it, but...I just didn’t want to deal with it after telling him. I needed a few days. Seems even that was enough for them to go ballistic…”

“All the more reason to stick to your decision.”

“I know...thank you, Sasuke.”

“We’ll make this work, with or without them. I love you.”

“...I love you too. I better go, though...I’ve got a l-lot of phone calls to make before I can call it a night.”

“All right. You need anything, just let me know. We’ll get you moved in and settled down. And if the job thing fell through, we’ll find you something new. Maybe even something closer.”

“Yeah...I just really like this job...I feel d-dumb for not calling in, I just…”

“Well, talk to Kurenai. Maybe she can pull some strings for you.”

“Maybe…”

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine. I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay? Get things straightened out, and call me when you’re done. We can plan from there.”

“I will. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Hearing the line go quiet, Hinata ends the call and sighs. Just the first of many...it’s going to be a long night. Glancing to the 0 on her message machine, she makes her way in to her sitting room and dials the next number.

Here we go...

                                                            .oOo.

     This is really random, and uh...I really dunno what it is xD The suspense concept kinda just hit me, and I rolled with it as best I could given how day tired and burnt out I am, lol      But in case it isn't clear: Hinata told her father she's planning on moving in with Sasuke because they're dating. Mister Uptight Jerkface decided to throw a huge tantrum because traditionalism and being a controlling father. Hinata thus just...disappeared for a few days at Sasuke's place, hence missing all the calls (and ignoring texts because she just...did NOT want to deal with that).      I dunno if I really managed to make it as suspenseful as I wanted, with the question of whether or not something had REALLY happened to her. But I tried - I don't write this sort of thing very often xD      Buuut anyway, it's late, and I have yet another looong day ahead of me tomorrow. So just a warning: I might not post tomorrow. I know I'm abysmally behind, but this whole situation is VERY draining, and I'd rather be late than post garbo for these entries.      That said, I'll do my best. But no promises. For now though, I need to get some sleep! Thank you for reading~

[pennysword]

An Ode to My Hero Academia

Okay, like every anime fan, I've fallen into the My Hero Academia hole and can't get up... and that's not a bad thing.

I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't on the fanwagon when My Hero Academia landed on American shores in 2016. I was two years out of college and the only thing I cared about was finding a nine-to-five that paid my bills and kept my mom from telling me to do something with my life. I was also deep in the pit of post college depression, wherein I'd moved away from all my friends and thought myself too socially awkward and weird to be able to make new ones. That's something a lot of us deal with, I think, especially when we're forced out of our comfort zones.

I am a shojo romantic at heart. Most shonen don't really hook me emotionally the way shojos do. And if it does hook me, it's set in a world so fantastical and so bizarre that my interest wanes before long and I would forget the plot all together. When I did delve back into manga or anime (decreasingly so once I got my first adult job at twenty-three), I wanted to wrap myself in the blanket of the tropes that were comfortable to me: a wallflower female lead with surprising feistiness and sense of justice, a beautiful male lead like prince from a fairy tale, a second lead who would do anything for your affection. These stories were mostly set in the real world, even if they didn't make sense sometimes, I could make excuses because I loved the idea of shojo so much more than disliking the flaws.

While a lot of my friends watch anime religiously, I'm more of a casual fan (which is really a nightmare to otakus, who expect you to know every single canon, fanon, and side canon that has ever existed). I remember my first encounter with the show was equally as casual. My friend explained to me it's general concept while waiting in line for my badge at ACEN 2017. “It's about superheroes! There's this girl who is literally a frog! An ostentatious personification of America! When people cosplay this other character they wear a green zentai suit because she's supposed to be invisible and that's funny!”

Fresh off the tails of One Punch Man, which came out in 2015, I thought it was the same concept and I rolled my eyes. I knew that anime followed trends, like most things in the world: one year psychic-mecha anime was what everyone wanted to do and the next, post apocalyptic themes were all the rage. So I thought My Hero Academia was just another One Punch Man, a self-referential, satirical comedy about heroes who knew how ridiculous their own genre was. I'd seen it once and wasn't really interested in seeing it again.

My second encounter with My Hero was a bit more personal. It was 2019 and I was taking my eight-year-old cousin to her first anime convention ever. Her family has always been a little more conservative, being Jehovah's Witnesses and living in one of the most right wing cities in Mid Michigan... and I was thrilled when she confessed to me that she enjoyed shonen-ai, that her mom had bought her a complete set of Sailor Moon manga, and that she wanted to borrow my own personal manga collection for reading. There was only a four month turn around, but I made her a janky cosplay and drove her to Kalamazoo for one day of their local convention, Dokidokon, wherein she pointed out someone cosplaying her favorite character, Shoto Todoroki from My Hero Academia.

At this point I had the base knowledge that my friend had given me at ACEN two years prior, but I just couldn't follow what my cousin was saying. After she shyly asked for a picture with the cosplayer, she explained to me why she shipped this character with that character and why that other character was a jerk... I couldn't understand any of it. And I realized that I had missed something much more important than hopping on the fanwagon of one of the greatest anime of its time... I'd missed an opportunity to connect further with my little cousin, someone who was just beginning to sprout seeds of her own ideas and her own interests, separate from her religiously zealous mother and her perpetually aloof father. I had missed a chance to truly enjoy her happiness, to witness her excitement when she saw her favorite characters pop out of the television screen and manifest themselves before her, alive and in the flesh... and just as heroic as their two dimensional counterparts.

That fall, I watched the first episode of My Hero Academia on my morning elliptical workout and my life was changed.

I mentioned before that one of the reasons I have a difficult time connecting with the shonen genre is the fantastical worlds that I cannot relate to. For instance, I can apply logic to the world of Naruto in my head, but it never seems real like it could be real to me. I always find myself questioning social structure, in-world history, and the story's depiction of the human condition. There's always a nagging voice in my head that refutes all of these pretend worlds in shonen... but My Hero is set in a world not unlike our own. In fact, aside from his green hair, the main character seemed like someone I might have known in middle school: a small, meek nerd type who is always scribbling something in his journal, always knew more than he was letting on... someone you wanted as a friend, whether you realized it or not. Izuku Midoriya as a character is as close to the shojo trope of a wallflower main lead as you could get. When we meet him, he's quirkless and is often bullied for by his childhood frienemy, Katsuki Bakugou. He's kinda squirrely, kinda spazzy, but feels like a grounded character because his golden heart is his most defining attribute. Midoriya has no illusions about what he is. He knows he's weak. He knows that people look down on him. But he is just… good. His goodness is infallible and his goodness rings true in everything he does, including when he risks his life to save said bully in episode two.

Conversely, while Midoriya is full of impressionistic verve, Bakugou turns the tables on the typical second lead shonen stereotype because he's not some edgelord that wants revenge for his slaughtered family. He actually has both parents at home and lives in a nice house and neighborhood. He doesn't have some kind of revenge fantasy playing in his head on his journey to become the best hero... he's just a fucking dick. A dick with a chip on his shoulder because his whole life people have told him that he's the better than his peers... and when Midoriya proves to Bakugou that natural talent isn't everything, he must grapple with the idea that world wasn't everything he thought it was.

Midoriya doesn't automatically become a cool kid after attaining his quirk from his idol, All Might, either. He doesn't stop being socially awkward. Midoriya still nerds out when it comes to All Might and he still takes copious notes on every hero he encounters, his classmates or otherwise. Midoriya has a goal but he doesn't have a grand plan. There's no shortcut to the end, only day after day of hard work and determination and figuring shit out on his own. Since he is the protagonist, we see the reasoning behind everything he does and this fact grounds the world of My Hero Academia for me. We see Midoriya fail and win and fail again, but we never stop rooting for him because we know he is smarter and more capable than his awkwardness allows him to show the world.

We follow Midoriya during some of the darkest times of his life, including when he learns that he would never develop a quirk. What hurt him more than the doctor delivering this news was his mother's fervent apologies rather than words of encouragement. Because even without a quirk, Midoriya could have done anything he wanted to, had he had the support of his family. In shonen anime the parents are usually convenient plot devices or they are dead. In My Hero, though, Midoriya has a close and communicative relationship with his mother. One of the more powerful scenes involving Inko Midoriya is when she refuses to let Midoriya go back to his dream school despite his protests. She explains that, first and foremost, she is his mother and her duty is to keep him safe. When I see this scene I always choke up because this is how humans act and I don't think I've seen it in another shonen before. I hear the common argument, “Well, he's training to become a hero. He's gonna get hurt.” as a justification of why Inko should be fine with Midoriya's broken bones. And while logistically that may be true, we know that most parents wouldn't feel that way. It makes sense as a narrative, given what we know about Midoriya and Inko's relationship.

Something I also love about this series is that every character has a fail stop, a logical reason why they aren't as OP as possible: if Todoroki uses his right side too much he gets frostbite and if he abuses his left he gets burned. If Ururaka overexerts her Zero Gravity, she gets motion sickness. Even All Might, Midoriya's mentor and the strongest hero in the world™, cannot be in his hero form for more than three hours a day. Every character must learn to recognize and live with their shortcomings, because even heroes need to find their place in the universe... and rely on those who fill the empty spaces around them. Because this show, despite it's taglines and ultimate moves, thrives on the logic of balance, of give and take accepting that no one can go at it completely alone, I realized that it was nothing like the aforementioned anime. It was so much more.

Like my friend told me three years ago, on a surface My Hero Academia is about superheroes. It's about capes and costumes and training montages and redemption arcs and all the things that we nerds love... But beneath the surface, My Hero Academia is about recognizing your own power. Izuku Midoriya isn't a hero because he inherited All Might's quirk. He's a hero because, to the very marrow in his bones, he does what is right. Izuku strives to be better than his own self doubt and the world telling him he's not good enough, even though most times he ends up crying his eyes out. He embodies the will to succeed that we all have within us when we find our passions, whether it be beginning your fitness journey with some anime on the elliptical, bagging that nine-to-five job, or something more substantial, like training, despite the odds, to become a hero who saves people with a smile on his face.