#a lie which *required* a certain level of compassion

[divyaastro-ashram]

Mangal Dosha and Past Life Karma

In the intricate tapestry of astrology, the phenomenon of Mangal Dosha and the concept of past life karma intertwine to shape our destinies, particularly in matters of marriage and relationships. Let's delve into the depths of this celestial confluence and unravel the mysteries that lie within.

Understanding Mangal Dosha

Mangal Dosha, often referred to as Kuja Dosha arises when the fiery planet Mars (Mangal) occupies certain pivotal houses in a person's natal chart. These houses include the 1st, 4th, 7th, 8th, or 12th houses. The presence of Mangal Dosha is believed by some to portend potential challenges and disruptions in marital harmony.

 

The Influence of Past Life Karma

● Unresolved Issues: Past life karma influences present circumstances, including relationship dynamics. Unresolved conflicts or challenges from previous incarnations may manifest as obstacles in current relationships, contributing to disharmony or discord. Understanding these past experiences can offer valuable insights into the root causes of present-day challenges, facilitating healing and growth.

● Karmic Debt: Actions and choices from past lives accrue karmic debts that individuals must address in their current existence. Positive actions yield positive karma, while negative actions result in karmic debts that require resolution. In the context of relationships, past life karma can manifest as patterns of behaviour or recurring themes that influence interpersonal dynamics and emotional connections.

● Lessons and Growth Opportunities: Past life karma presents individuals with opportunities for growth, healing, and spiritual evolution. Challenges and hardships experienced in past incarnations serve as lessons that shape our character, values, and relationships in the present. By recognizing and embracing these lessons, individuals can break free from karmic cycles, transcend limitations, and cultivate deeper levels of self-awareness and compassion.

● Karmic Connections: Souls often reincarnate in groups, forming karmic connections and soul contracts that span multiple lifetimes. These connections influence the dynamics of relationships, drawing individuals together to fulfil mutual karmic lessons and purposes. Past life karma can manifest as strong attractions or conflicts between individuals, reflecting the intricate web of interconnected destinies and shared experiences.

● Transformation and Redemption: Past life karma offers opportunities for redemption and transformation, allowing individuals to overcome past mistakes and evolve spiritually. Through self-reflection, forgiveness, and acts of compassion, individuals can release themselves from the grip of negative karma and align with higher vibrational energies. By embracing the principles of love, forgiveness, and self-awareness, individuals can transcend the limitations of past karma and create a future defined by harmony, abundance, and spiritual fulfilment.

 

The Interplay Between Mangal Dosha and Past Life Karma

 

1. Unresolved Issues: Mangal Dosha is thought to be associated with Mars' influence, governing traits like passion, aggression, and impulsiveness. Past life actions driven by these energies may have led to discord or unresolved conflicts in relationships, which could reverberate into the present life as challenges in marital dynamics. Understanding these past actions can illuminate the root causes of current relationship challenges, offering opportunities for growth and reconciliation.

 

2. Balancing Past Actions: The positioning of Mars in specific houses can signify areas where karmic lessons require attention and resolution. For instance, Mangal Dosha in the 7th house, representing partnerships, might indicate a need for improved communication and understanding to address past relationship imbalances. By acknowledging and addressing these karmic imprints, individuals can work towards restoring harmony and balance in their current relationships.

Key Considerations 

1. Divergent Views: It's essential to note that not all astrologers subscribe to the notion of Mangal Dosha and its association with past life karma. Some advocate for a comprehensive analysis of the entire birth chart, considering planetary aspects and other factors for a more nuanced understanding. This diversity of interpretations highlights the complexity of astrological principles and the importance of seeking guidance from experienced practitioners who align with your beliefs and values.

 

2. Focus on Solutions: Regardless of its origins, astrology emphasizes the pursuit of remedies and solutions to mitigate challenges. Instead of dwelling solely on past life influences, the focus lies on practical strategies and spiritual practices aimed at fostering harmony and resilience in relationships. By embracing these solutions, individuals can proactively address Mangal Dosha-related concerns and cultivate healthier, more fulfilling partnerships.

Seeking Guidance and Solutions

Navigating the complexities of Mangal Dosha and its purported karmic implications necessitates personalized insights and guidance from a knowledgeable astrologer.

1. Astrological Analysis: Consulting a proficient astrologer allows for a detailed examination of your birth chart, offering tailored insights into Mangal Dosha's influence and potential karmic connections. Experienced astrologers can provide nuanced interpretations and practical recommendations to help individuals navigate relationship challenges and harness the transformative power of astrological insights.

 

2. Remedial Measures: While Mangal Dosha may pose challenges, it doesn't signify inevitable doom for relationships. Astrological remedies, such as prayers, rituals, mangal dosh puja or gemstone recommendations, offer avenues for alleviating the Dosha's impact and fostering marital harmony. By incorporating these remedies into their spiritual practices, individuals can strengthen their bond with their partner and cultivate a supportive, nurturing environment for their relationship to thrive. 

The Bottom Line

In the realm of astrology, the interplay between Mangal Dosha and past life karma adds layers of complexity to our understanding of relationships and marital dynamics. As we navigate this intricate terrain, it's imperative to approach these concepts with humility, open-mindedness, and a willingness to explore diverse perspectives. Remember, while astrology provides valuable insights, our actions and choices ultimately shape our destiny, guiding us toward growth, resilience, and profound self-discovery. By embracing the wisdom of astrology and integrating its teachings into our lives, we can cultivate deeper connections, foster personal growth, and embark on a journey of spiritual evolution and fulfilment.

[whitefluffybearcub]

8/1/2023

— every big entity or big name is corrupt somehow one way or another, beware of what is coming out of them always. And they are all somehow connected.

It is just how this reality is.

— when it is viral and put out in the public arena for all to see, though marketed as good, but i would always question whether it is genuinely good. Often times it is not what it seems.

— the funny thing is, the end result is already decided but all that smoke and mirror along with hype would make you think otherwise and super excited. Just a circus really. Enjoy but don’t lose sleep over it ;)

8/2/2023

— supernatural or natural by human standards, all of it are components of fate, destiny, and karma.

— the game of thrones requires of cutting throats and be voided of all compassion. At the end when the game is over for the participants , the deep buried conscience would surface and make them beg for forgiveness.

And the game of thrones would go on to repeat itself again for others but only in the lower realm as a game of illusion, experience, lesson, and karma.

— it always makes me chuckles and lol 😆when a certain people try to make the elephant in the room to be perceived as an unicorn.

Let it make you chuckle too.

— when you live a lie, you would never have genuine happiness. Different vibes. One operates either at one level or another.

It is like you can’t be In the ocean and be in the sky at the same time.

8/3/2023

禍福無門，唯人自召。善惡之報，如影隨形

8/4/2023

— realize that by keeping up the deceit and the denial further when you know the truth, you are also further imposing further self punishment on yourself. But if you do, it is also part of your destiny.

8/5/2023

— psyops everywhere, coming from the big mouths, this one gets some, other ones get others.

— the big mouths work hand in hand and it is obvious because they all repeat the same thing from the script.

8/6/2023

— even if everything is an illusion, I am still eternally grateful for every blessing within this journey. There is force of love and energy of good even in this seemingly low vibrational reality.

— the games created by the hand behind the curtain , who wins isn’t important, what is important to the hand is that the audiences are participating and consumed by these distractions. The bigger the hysteria there is, the hand knows how effective their agenda works.

Everything is a psychological operation when it is reported and repeated every second by the mainstream outlets.

8/7/2023

—Thank you L for being here. Your journey is still young. Be safe, healthy, and always happy.

— I have to believe, that this reality is for entertainment purposes only. What a low vibrational realm but it is by design. Each low frequency scenario and character is an expression that couldn’t have otherwise be in the upper realm.

Perhaps just being here itself for whatever expression a spirit chooses, is reasonably enough.

— the human reality is an evolving energy of ego and karma.

8/8/2023

— in the simulation, the definition and the illusion of what is real to a person, it is simply whatever they can perceived as real In their simulated program.

— the mainstream media is mainly used to shape its audiences’ perception.

— fear is used as a distraction and to limit its audiences’ perception of this reality, but this game can only last temporarily though May repeat.

— most humans wouldn’t like or understand the concept of karma and ego, until they are free of ego and are earning only good karma.

It is a phase of evolution in the human spirit.

— each smaller piece of truth is projecting the bigger picture of truth. Same goes with deceit, corruption, exploitation and illusion.

Each story is symbolizing a allegory of a different perception.

— each decision leads to a designated outcome, there are an infinite of decisions which leads to each of its designated outcomes. You will be attracted to the decision that is within your vibration or your destiny.

— don’t judge. Don’t get angry. Don’t react.

Just watch their temporary karmic and egotistical journey unfold.

8/9/2023

— celebrities or not, to want to put up a filter of image that isn’t truly you, though your ego is fed, you are only telling your inner self child “you are not enough”.

To want to portray a life that isn’t yours truly. You are reflecting and projecting that your true life isn’t good enough.

Have you wondered what that does to your mental health when you constantly tell yourself “you aren’t enough”.

— 3: first, money, work, food, and materials, along with needs, wants, romance, excitement and pleasure. Second, learnings, fulfillment via art, education, and intellect. And third, sit back, see the big picture and quietly understand how everything in this reality works. And know that all of it is ultimately an experience of illusion.

— acquire only what you need.

8/12/2023

— let karma, fate, and destiny reveal the path, don’t fret as there is no point. do your best. Enjoy while it lasts.

— it is the ego in human that wants to hold onto something forever but humans are also here to experience limitations, thus there is no forever. Emotions are inevitable and a built in part of a human journey.

It would only pain more if one decided to go against the natural flow of their fate, destiny, and karma.

— everything and everyone has their time here. When they are free of this world, it is time to release them if you are still here. Everything is meant to be. Love would still be bounded by love always.

— it can be as simple or as complicated as anything can be in this world. It all depends on one’s perception In this simulation.

— if you could see this human world from afar, all seems simple because every story and character, though under different circumstances and scenarios, all operate and guided by the same concepts. Concepts of karma, ego, and destiny.

— the universe shows its humans from time to time, that mass hysteria is caused by fear in the mind, and fear only.

— the success you ride on is based on the exploitation of others. You rid of your compassion, mercy, and consideration for others. You operate at a lower frequency and you would never encounter true happiness and love at this rate.

But Your choice. Your experience. I wish you love always.

— the evil that does not allow others to do the same evil, is still evil.

— the people that you’ve pushed off the cliff, would come back to haunt you one way or another. How many people have you pushed off the cliff, directly or indirectly, would all add to your karmic debt.

8/13/2023

— wars are based on deceit, corruption, greed, and ego. Such low vibrational energy, the participants of it, from the creators, directors, fighters, and anyone else involved in it, would not end well, unless they elevate in spirit or energetically.

— at their level, they are not to understand a certain things from where they are, and it is meant to be this way. It may change or it may not. Let them be.

8/14/2023

— light and dark are all designated in this humanly reality. Be free of anger, judgements, and ego.

Watch the stories unfold through the eyes of soul.

— nothing lasts forever because everything is designated to only be temporary in this realm.

One day you would see that, and you would let it all go and, enjoy and embrace all that this place has to offer.

— perhaps the souls said let’s be humans for a while and then from there it goes on repeatedly and infinitely. Good humans, bad humans, love stories, sad stories, big noises, and silence are all inclusive.

Perhaps that is all there is to it.

— love yourself as you are no matter where you are in your journey.

— the ghosts that haunt, are really just in a pact of karma.

8/14/2023

— some may be above the law, protected by the crooked crowns, But no one is above karma, fate, and destiny.

Fate would have it that their destiny play out the way it has been designated to. Even seemingly unfairness is just a part of the narrative from one perspective.

Smile, the innocents. The rest would always walk its courses.

8/15/2023

— some reach Enlightenment from encountering the devil in this place, but some would save enlightenment for a different life. Their soul would watch but would not judge at all because they also see the greater scheme of their karma and destiny.

— remember this, everything comes from the one, the unconditional and infinite love, though in low vibrational frequency it would appear to be otherwise but ultimately everything and everyone comes from the courtesy of love, for purposes of the

Human experiences.

— there is no right or wrong from the soul’s perspective but there is a human perception of morals while having a human experience.

— don’t take anything too seriously, whether it be a game of throne or a game of chess. Just a ride.

8/16/2023

— strong water would carve into the hardest rocks. soft standing water would house the most beautiful and delicate koi. Life can not be without water, yet it can drown the life out of most living beings.

How amazing is the concept of water. Each drop of water may be having its own experience and expression.

8/17/2023

— in each movie, towards the end the monster usually shows itself before being defeated by the heroes. The next movie would usually be exactly like that.

— they make it seem so precious and privileged via illusions and tricks. It triggers most egos.

— there are certain things only to understand, when ego is rid of, and in nothingness.

— each perception is its own world. Each body is its own universe. Each conscience is its own hell or heaven. Each sense, feeling, and emotion is an experience. Each judgement comes from ego but only in human worlds.

— earth has soul. Each era is a chapter selected by the soul to experience. What plays the current times, also plays the past, and the future, all simultaneously at different frequency such as the radio stations. Everything exists and has been created by the soul yet all of this is also an infinite illusion. Isn’t it amazing ?

— what I think of you? Nothing.

What I think of myself? Nothing

Then I can finally see with clarity.

— everything and everyone in this world, is exactly where they should be accordingly to their vibrational frequency. Judgments only come from egos.

8/18/2023

— humans experience life through simulation. Is it worth it to determine what is real and isn’t real when all of it is an illusion?

A game of perception.

— from nothingness to everything. If you want to create a movie, if you want to experience and watch a movie, shouldn’t it be the most exciting movie ever made and experienced ?

Let there be fun and excitement.

— if it is here, it is part of the destined narrative from fate.

— everything that happens, according to the mainstream arena, is basically and always a marketing for something.

— I’m eternally grateful for whatever this realm has shown me. I now see and understand better. Thank you for showing and teaching me at a comfortable pace.

8/19/2023

— karma is a cycle of perpetual energy that goes on infinitely.

— humans would see things and people more clearly now that there is a collective energy that is lifting the vibration and frequency of earth.

The truth is More obvious at the first glance for the elevated.

— the rise and fall of each civilization is just a part of the earth’s karmic journeys.

If a dog has to die and reincarnate, it would die with all of its fleas in one life, Then a new life begins.

— karma is eternal. There would always be light and dark within the lower vibrational dimensions. Both intertwine and go on forever in different packages and scenarios.

— karma and ego are eternal and would always exist within the lower vibrational dimensions. It would express themselves via circumstances such as revenge, love, hate, heroes, ghosts, evil aliens, good aliens, and on.

All of this is a simulation. Who is to say what is possible and what isn’t? Maybe your ego and limitations of vision ; )

The stories would go on forever, and there would always be participants participating all sorts of characters, humans or not, playing out a destined narrative.

— a god, a ghost, a demon, an alien👽 , a zombie 🧟, a lizard, a dragon🐉 or just simply a human, as long as you can fulfill a destined role, you can be anything you want in this simulation.

— in names of honors, but a mockery In disguise. Why else would they be walked all over in a rotten land.

— In the stories of propaganda, they tend to repeat the same key words. If you could recognize them, it is just another day of pure propaganda.

— even the hardened has softened to be open, to know, to learn and to see. I see that there is a shift in humanity.

— the creator who makes you out of their likeness, would of course give you hints of what this is all about, but only if you are in the right place to know.

— fame and greed walk hand in hand in the same frequency. They belong and attract to each other. See it.

8/20/2023

— time itself is a human experience, and only in human realms.

— for humans, the stress itself is a factor that determines one’s overall health. It would be a disease if one gets their pants scared off by anyone else.

— at some points, I have no more interest in what you have to say. It is like, um ok..ehh whatever, but best luck to you, kiss kiss, peace out ;)

8/21/2023

— karma is an energy that projects out and swings back like boomerang. Good energy or bad energy depends on what one does.

— in human narrative, there would be an illusion of pandemic with no cure, an illusion of shortage of water and food, and that leads to shortage of humans. There is also a shortage of morals and ethnics.

Humans are to learn, heal,and evolve thru such designated narratives. All by design.

— happenings by the cosmic, the universe, the stars, Mother Nature of earth, or by man, it is all the same. Fate is behind everything. Each is a way to play out the designated narrative and outcome.

— all ideas, the greatest ones and the very opposite, are all from the one consciousness from the higher frequency realm. It is given into this human world so the getters would be able to fulfill the designated narratives of fate.

This human world is a eternal karmic realm so this would always be expressed as good and bad.

— karma is amusing to watch. Think of it this way I would suggest, rather than be angry.

— in karmic realms, the roles and characters get switched, the elites become the rest, some of the rest become elites, all via different lifetimes. Fun for all. Ain’t it amazing?

— denial is a form of deceit. What you do with it is your choice.

— the games of humans are sometimes way too harsh from a human’s perspective. I send all of you much love anyway no matter where you are.

8/22/2023

— there seems to be a disconnect in all the pieces but all of it is connected somehow. A human perception can only decode one piece at a time but all are connected by the perceiver.

— people who want revenge aren’t all bad. Each is to fulfill their destiny via their karmic wheel. The karmic wheel will roll on forever into the eternity via all these scenarios of revenge and payback.

— the poison one puts out would slowly come back to them because everything is connected. Karma itself is a teacher. Live and learn.

— you are what you are. You will do what you do In your script. Deep down you know how you will end up. You reap what you sow. It is a reminder that would never leave you.

I wish you love anyway.

— life is basically a contrast of light and dark, all hang in balance by an invisible force called karma and fate.

— there is beauty in everyone but for some, their deeds overshadow them, and slowly morph them into something else.

8/23/2023

— in a simulation, a human would still have to figure whether something is indeed real, isn’t it funny and powerful how the perception works In the dimensions of illusion.

— in smaller pieces of information, some seemingly have accurately predicted the future. The simulation itself is letting you know that everything has been destined, like a movie playing out, from the beginning to the end all already existed. Some could tap into that information before they happen but surely it would happen because everything happens accordingly to the frequency and vibration of this very dimension.

Like watching and experiencing a movie while also being in it. All already materialized within the simulation, It is where in the course of this movie that you perceive the information. If I watched a movie before you do, I could accurately tell you how it would end, because we watch the same movie at different points.

— our lives happen as the script is already written. This is how simulation works. Spoil alert isn’t for everyone ; )

— if a god gets angry or has desire to have lust, now matter how it is portrayed, it is also a character created by the one consciousness within this illusion of simulation.

—you can’t change them. They might not change themselves. They are still a part of this destined narrative nonetheless. If they do carry low vibrational energy, they would not end well, and would attract similar energy to them. It is how this system is designed.

I do not wish anything bad to them, but I simply analyze how energy, vibration, frequency work in this realm.

— the only way to elevate from any circumstances is through patience, kindness, compassion, mercy, and love. It would be hard to even imagine this for some as they live in the vibrations that lack morals.

— in this reality, nothing is ever random but one can definitely perceive everything to be.

— the elites, the influencers, the high authority, the famed, are all going through a chapter of lack, lack of morals and ethics. This is a lesson for them, Whether they make it to the new earth in which requires them to elevate energetically and spiritually, depends on how they fare. They could also stay in the same space for eternity, if and should they choose.

the only way to elevate from any circumstances is through patience, kindness, compassion, mercy, and love. Anyone can elevate and sink.

8/24/2023

— through the human perception, you get to experience what is good and what isn’t. You get a profound sense in both at the courtesy of the human world duality.

8/25/2023

— in the human construct, good and evil sometimes are also in disguise, but time would tell. The energy would be shown, of either good or evil, thanks to the karma. Deceit would be given a way to heal.

— the path is led by fate. All already designated. Embrace it and focus on the good. See everything and everyone as amusing as possible.

— when you’ve completely destroyed your reputation and disregarded everyone’s trust, you may never regain it. That is the thing with trust and reputation. Others now have a different perspective about you.

8/26/2023

— In the human construct, people in the now always underestimate people from the past, thinking they should not have been able to figure something out.

Always makes me chuckle 🤭 because it is a ego thing, as long as there is human, ego is part of the experience.

— don’t react.

8/27/2023

— humans is a simulated experience in a program. Anything goes.

— let it be shown that who is telling the truth and what isn’t. Isn’t it amusing that the simple time is the remedy for this ? Be patient and be mindful.

— the deceit would be surrounded with many inconsistencies because the energy itself is out of balance. When there is no balance, there is no harmony thus all the

inconsistencies would show up.

It has been designed this way. See it.

— the negative energy such as greed, corruption, ego and others, they always end up destroying themselves. It is a cycle they go through.

— men encounter greed, power, and ego, and would be totally seduced by them. It would teach and eventually lead to their own end but it is simply one cycle of a civilization. It is simply a simulation and an experience.

— what must be born, must die but the energy behind all goes on force. Birth and death are just perception of a simulated experience in a program,

— don’t react. All is well.

8/28/2023

— the cut throat games of thrones. The kings, the queens, the elites, all have to be paranoid because it comes with the experiences being who they are and their surroundings.

All experiences of such are similar no matter what the era is. It repeats itself. The lord of the ring and games of thrones.

— the ideas to invent, innovation, and advancement. The greed, the destruction, the destroying. All of it intertwined with each other, each is a designated part of fate, good or bad, including total destruction.

An end of an experience is merely an end of a designated story. There is a infinite of stories. The energy behind these stories go on Eternally, never ceases to exist.

8/29/2023

— no human journey is pain free, otherwise it would not be here in this human world but pain itself is a low vibrational illusion.

— if it is on viral social media or mainstream news outlet, it is most likely not real because humans are going through a phrase which is lack of morals. Deceit is everywhere.

It is funny to see how people respond to fake contents and yet their response is also fake 😆. The games you play.

— your conscience is your moral compass. Your conscience would treat you as good as you are.

— enjoy the present. Go at a comfortable pace. All is well.

— though it can only be temporary in this reality, your light shines so bright and it is so magnificent. All that perceives is in awe.

8/30/2023

— everyone is waiting for their cue to read out loud the script. It has all been orchestrated and rehearsed because it is simply a stage show or a psychological operation, if you will.

And those who speak of the same words, no matter who they play on the stage, you know they are just part of the show. You would see and hear them.

— stress is a crucial gateway leading to diseases. Good health requires peace, a relaxed state, tranquillity, and compassion for self and others.

Ask yourself why do certain entities are so eager to make you afraid? Money, ego, power, and control.

— when it is humid, your skin is bouncy bouncy 😘

- free the hand.

[youtubemarketing1234]

Our society tends to chase the sensational and when it comes to transformational events, we are fed the lie that big outbursts of emotions are healing releases. In this video, I cover how this perception can be dangerous, what transformation looks like, and how it happens.

To find out how I can support you: www.chahigginson.com

👉 Subscribe to my channel to stay tuned: https://cutt.ly/H9WXgs5

The intensity of the experience does not equate to the level of healing that occurs. Cracking open can be a traumatic experience and can send individuals back in their healing journey instead of assisting them through an integration process that leads to sustainable transformation.

On your healing journey, it's important to be aware of certain transformational trends that may appear appealing at first glance but can actually be harmful to your overall well-being. These trends often promise quick fixes or dramatic transformations but fail to address the root causes of your pain and struggles. By recognizing these dangerous trends, you can avoid falling into their traps and instead focus on more sustainable and authentic paths to healing.

One such trend is the "overnight transformation" mindset, which promotes the idea that you can completely transform your life and heal all your wounds in a short period. While it's natural to desire quick results, true healing is a gradual and ongoing process that requires time, patience, and consistent effort. Beware of any approaches that claim to offer instant solutions without addressing the underlying issues.

Another dangerous trend is the "toxic positivity" movement, which encourages suppressing or denying negative emotions in favor of constant positivity. While maintaining a positive outlook can be beneficial, it's essential to acknowledge and process your emotions, including the difficult ones. Ignoring or repressing negative emotions can lead to further distress and prevent genuine healing from taking place.

Beware of trends that promote dependency on external sources for healing. While seeking guidance and support from others is valuable, be cautious of approaches that encourage reliance solely on gurus, healers, or self-help programs without fostering your own inner strength and self-empowerment. True healing comes from within, and it's essential to cultivate your own inner resources along the way.

Remember, your healing journey is a deeply personal and unique process. It's important to approach it with discernment, self-compassion, and a commitment to your long-term well-being. By avoiding dangerous transformational trends and embracing a holistic and sustainable approach to healing, you can cultivate lasting growth, resilience, and inner peace.

[spacecasehobbit]

Every so often I see the argument that Zuko's journey through the Earth Kingdom was necessary in Season 2, because he had to learn empathy (or empathy for the Earth Kingdom, at least). I have to disagree with this argument.

Zuko didn't lack empathy, before or after being burned. He lacked:

Emotional intelligence (very much not helped by the fact that he was an abused kid who was slow at picking up social skills, and then a very traumatized kid tossed onto a tiny boat with a fresh burn, a crew of adults who didn't respect him, and an uncle who didn't know how to communicate with him, and given a quest that was meant to be impossible by the father who had burned him and claimed it was for his own good)

Acceptance that his father didn't love him, but this was not Zuko's fault nor his responsibility to 'correct' by fulfilling an impossible quest/making himself less compassionate/magically becoming a more powerful firebender/etc (I feel like this one should speak for itself)

Accurate understanding of how his nation was treating the rest of the world (very much due to growing up surrounded by propaganda about how great his country was, and then banished with a crew of Fire Nation soldiers who had grown up with the same propaganda, and his Uncle - the Fire Nation Prince and former General who had led armies in the Fire Nation's war - who seemed to communicate with Zuko primarily through vague philosophical ideas, proverbs that Zuko consistently made clear he did not understand, and questions about Zuko's motives - generally asked in such a way as to make it clear that Iroh thought he already knew the 'right' answer before he asked the question)

Zuko didn't need to learn empathy. He needed to learn that his country was the aggressor in a war against people who primarily wanted to defend their own homes and families from the violence brought by his nation, and he needed to learn that Ozai was wrong for treating empathy and compassion like bad things.

[homoose]

Teach Me Something I Don’t Know: Part VII

Summary: Spencer’s unresolved trauma catches up with him. Reader gets her heart broken.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: angst, I’m so sorry guys

Warnings/Includes: brief mention of violence and details of a case; brief mention of prison, past trauma; a lil self-loathing and self-sabotaging

Word count: 3.8k

a/n: I knew that this was where this story was going from the very beginning. The dialogue is one of the first parts I had written. It still hurts. Relevant to the story: I operate with the understanding that the Jeid arc does not exist, which also means that Spencer never went to therapy in season 15. Also, huge thanks to @reidscanehand��� for beta-ing and just generally being my hype person!!!!

Song Recs: Shrike by Hozier; Better As a Memory by Kenny Chesney (don’t come for me if Spencer made playlists this would ABSOLUTELY be on there)

Series Masterlist

———

Spencer made his way to Emily’s office, ignoring the team’s eyes on him— varying degrees of understanding, concern, and uncertainty plain on their faces. As he reached the threshold, he paused for a second before moving into her line of sight. When he moved into the doorway, she looked up and waved him in. He closed the door behind him.

She gestured to the chair in front of her desk. Spencer hesitated for only a split second, but it was long enough for her to notice. He lowered himself into the chair and met her eyes.

She folded her hands on top of the desk. “How are you feeling?”

He drummed his fingers across his kneecaps. “I’m fine.”

It was a lie, and they both knew it. She bit back a sigh and flipped open the folder in front of her. “I’m finished with the official report. I wanted to go over it with you before I submit it to the director.” She looked at him briefly before reading out the report. “On January 9th, our team pursued a lead at the residence of suspect Andrew Hurley. We divided into teams to cover the two entrances to the home, as well as the barn behind the house.”

Spencer fidgeted slightly in his chair and rubbed the tips of his fingers together. Emily continued, “During the raid, Supervisory Special Agent Spencer Reid became separated from the team and was ambushed and disarmed by the suspect in the barn.” She paused but didn’t look at him. “The team was unaware of the altercation for some time, during which Dr. Reid employed various approved restraint methods and was ultimately forced to utilize self-defense measures to preserve his own life. Consequently, Mr. Hurley sustained serious injuries.”

She did look at him then, a steady and unrelenting gaze that had him shrinking inside himself. “However, I have determined that Dr. Reid’s actions were justified in order to maintain his own safety.” She returned her eyes to the report. “Mr. Hurley was detained and treated for his injuries at Sebastian River Medical Center, and he is expected to make a full recovery. Based on the cognitive interviews and physical evidence, a grand jury hearing is scheduled for January 25th.” She brought her hands to rest on top of the report.

“I’ll sign off on it and deliver it to the director by the end of business today.” She let out the sigh she’d been holding back. “Reid.”

He pressed his mouth into a thin line, torn between shame and vindication. “Emily.”

“What happened in that barn was unacceptable. And I need you to recognize that.” Her eyes were back on him, a leader’s gaze boring into a weak link. “You went against a direct order. You put your life in danger unnecessarily, and in the process you endangered this entire team. Furthermore, you could have cost us the ability to close this case, to put Hurley away and bring justice to his victims.”

“It won’t happen again,” he assured her.

“No, it won’t.” Her tone told him that if it did, he’d have bigger problems than a meeting in her office. “My recommendation to the director is that you transition to your next mandatory leave cycle early.”

“I can handle—”

“It’s not a request. You’re on sabbatical starting tomorrow. That’s an order, and one you’d do well to follow.” She closed the file in front of her. “We’ll see you back in the bullpen on March 7th.”

“I don’t need more time off, Emily,” Spencer snapped.

He could see her grind her teeth together at his tone, but he couldn’t seem to care enough to feel contrite. She took a deep breath in through her nose, leveling him with a pointed look. “If Simmons hadn’t broken it up, you’d have killed Hurley on the floor of that barn.”

His mind snapped back to the lifeless eyes of Hurley’s victims— eight year old boys in shallow graves. Boys who died afraid, and in pain, and crying out for their mothers. His thoughts raced to the feel of Hurley’s throat under his arm, the crack of the zygomatic under his fist. Emily was right of course. If Matt hadn’t found them in the barn and dragged him up and off of Hurley’s nearly lifeless body, Spencer would have killed him without compunction.

“Reid.” The stern edge was gone from her voice. Spencer refocused his eyes on her face, now showcasing an underlying concern that made his stomach turn. “I’m not recommending another cycle of mandatory counseling at this time, although I reserve the right to require it moving forward. But… I’m asking you to take care of yourself. You’ve been through a lot in the last two years. More than a lot.”

“I said I’m fine,” he insisted, but there was less fire behind it this time.

“And I’m not saying you aren’t,” she countered. “But I am saying that the person in that barn… that wasn’t you. That was not the Reid that I know.” Emily tilted her head and furrowed her brow. “The Reid I know uses his intellect and empathy to see angles that the rest of us miss. He depends on the strength of his mind and his unwavering compassion to diffuse conflicts without violence. He invites his friends to foreign film showings and puppet theater.”

When he didn’t budge, she let out a long breath. “I want you to take the next fifty days to find that Reid and bring him back to us.”

...

Y/N dropped into her desk chair with a huff. They’d been back from winter break for two weeks, and she already needed another vacation. But tomorrow was Friday, and then they had a long weekend. She could make it through one more day.

She closed her eyes for a long moment, tired in the way that only kindergarten teachers fresh off a long break can be. She heard the click of Anita’s shoes coming before she even entered the room, and Y/N couldn’t stop the twitch of her lips.

“Dude. How is it only Thursday?” Anita flopped down into the plush Calm Corner chair.

“This has been the longest week of my life,” Y/N agreed. “My kids were off the chain.”

“There is so much drama in middle school right now,” Anita groaned. “I can’t keep up with all the tea, and you know how I love to stay up to date on the freshest brews.” She shot Y/N a look. “Speaking of, where’s the good doctor?”

“I think they’ve had a lot going on at work,” Y/N surmised. “I haven’t seen Mrs. Jareau in over a month.”

“Well, I’m getting antsy,” Anita complained. “Thought for sure you’d be going steady by now.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help but feel a little impatient herself. If she’d known it would be this long before she’d see him again, she might have made a move when he’d volunteered. Then again, probably not. She sighed.

Her phone chimed with an email message, and she automatically swiped the screen open to read it.

Spencer Reid Re:

Are you free today? If you are, I’ll be at Soho.

...

Spencer sat at the table in the corner of the coffee shop. He sipped absentmindedly at his tea, almost gone cold. He hadn’t waited for a reply before leaving Quantico. He drove straight to the city, figuring he’d wait at Soho until he felt some semblance of calm returning to his body.

He didn’t know why he’d emailed Y/N, and he wasn’t sure he really wanted her to show up. Usually he’d talk to Penelope or maybe JJ. But he’d wanted to get as far from the BAU as possible, and he didn’t want to drag Penelope away from the colorful, safe corner of the world she’d created for herself. He didn’t want to fill it with all the tragedy she’d tried so hard to leave behind.

If Y/N did show, he was certain he could keep the conversation vague, focus on her and the classroom, ask her about her holidays. She wasn’t a profiler, didn’t know his tells well enough. She’d be none the wiser, and he’d have her warmth and presence to focus his energy on, if only for a few hours.

Every time the bell chimed, his eyes flew to the door, searching for her. He knew it was ridiculous. He’d only known her for one hundred and eleven days. Pragmatically, he knew she shouldn’t be the one he wanted to talk to. Realistically, he wasn’t planning to burden her with all of the mess of the past week, the past year, his entire life.

But in the six hundred and forty seven minutes he’d spent with her since September, he’d felt more like himself than he ever had. He was never afraid to be himself with her— the silly story voices, the ridiculous costume, the magic trick, the vulnerability about his mom. All of these pieces of himself were things he usually waited years to show people. It had taken her a matter of weeks to draw them out.

He couldn’t help but believe that if he wanted to, he could tell her everything. She’d know exactly what to say. She’d listen for as long as he could keep talking. She’d cover his shaking hands and wrap him up in the warmth of her spirit. She’d give of herself to guide him back to the person he used to be. She’d be more than willing to use her radiance to illuminate the dark so that he might have a little light again.

The bell sounded, and his eyes focused, and there she was. She was wrapped up in a puffed jacket, a bright blue scarf tied around her neck. Her nose was adorably red from the cold, and she rubbed her hands together as the door closed behind her. Her eyes found him immediately. A small smile turned up the corners of her mouth, and she gave him an enthusiastic wave. And he knew that he was right about all of it.

She approached the table, unwinding her scarf. “Hi!”

“Hi.”

Her eyes flickered over his face, and then settled on his mostly empty mug. “I’ll get you a refill, and then we’ll catch up?”

He nodded, and she headed to the counter. There had been a part of him that thought she wouldn’t come, but of course she did. For some reason, unbeknownst to him, she liked talking to him. Even among his closest friends, he was often made to feel self-conscious about his tendency to ramble, but Y/N had literally asked him to. She sought him out, asked him questions, listened intently, and remembered things he’d told her. She was kind and thoughtful and genuine. Of course she came when he called.

She returned with two mugs, carefully setting them down on the tiny table. She unzipped and removed her jacket, hanging it on the back of her chair and revealing a crew neck sweater covered in tiny astronauts and rocket ships. When she sat across from him, her hands wrapped around the mug and her eyes met his.

“Hi.”

He couldn’t stop his lips from twitching, despite the events of the day. “You said that already.”

She laughed, and he felt the weight begin to lift. “Yeah, well, I haven’t seen you in forever, so— I’m just making up for lost time.”

“Sixty one days.”

“Hmm?”

“It’s been sixty one days, eighty eight minutes, and approximately,” he looked at his watch, “fourteen seconds since we saw each other last.”

She laughed again, and his mouth completed its curve. She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I like that you’ve been counting.” She let her chin come to rest in her hand, eyes studying his face. “How are you?”

He wanted to lie, but she was looking at him so earnestly that he mumbled out, “I’m managing.”

She mirrored the way he’d looked at her across this same table nearly three months ago. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” That was a lie, too. But asking her to meet him was enough of a burden.

“Okay. Well, if you change your mind at any point, let me know.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him. “Until then, I can just regale you with all the kindergarten stories you’ve missed while you were out saving lives.”

And regale him she did. For almost an hour, he listened to her tales of love (budding crushes were taking over recess time), loss (the class pet— a stuffed zebra— had accidentally taken a swim in the Atlantic on a vacation to Florida), and lessons learned…

“So, in case there was ever any doubt, we are now painfully aware that we shouldn’t attempt to flush our underwear.” Y/N let out an exasperated laugh.

She’d been talking to him for fifty three minutes, and his heart already felt one thousand times lighter. “I’m really glad I wasn’t there for that one.”

“I really wish that was the only poop story I had.” She shook her head. “There are a lot of things they don’t tell you in grad school. I think there’d be a global teacher shortage if they warned you about the amount of bodily fluid management involved in teaching kindergarten.”

She toyed with the edge of her empty mug. He watched the movement of her fingers.

“Do you—”

“Do you—”

She laughed and gestured for him to speak first.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

…

They ended up in Mitchell Park. The trees were bare and the grass was brown, but he was with her, and so it was beautiful.

They’d been walking in comfortable silence, when she asked, “Did you change your mind? About talking about it.”

Spencer put his hands into his pockets. “It’s, um— it’s kind of a lot.”

She shrugged. “I’ve got time.”

“I don’t mean— I mean, it would take some time to get through it all. But it’s also— it’s a lot.”

“We don’t have to.” He could feel her eyes on him. “Do you talk to— someone about it?”

“I talked with my unit chief today,” he answered.

“Okay. But— I mean, have you ever— talked to someone. Like, a professional.”

Spencer bristled slightly. Although he knew she wasn’t passing judgement, her question exposed the reality that she thought he could use it. “I’ve had some mandated counseling over the years.”

“Obviously it’s your choice whether you talk to someone or not,” she mused. “I just— I know that I’ve benefited a lot from seeing my therapist.”

Spencer was unsure of what to do with that information. Here she was, confessing that she went to therapy— sweet, lovely Y/N. In comparison, he wasn’t sure if even daily meetings with a counselor would be enough to tame the darkness that had grown and festered inside him over the years. That sometimes threatened to swallow him whole.

For a long while, there was only the crunch of the frozen ground beneath their feet. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but there was an uncertainty about them that felt uncharacteristically heavy. He was hyper aware of her presence, and so he felt her pace slowing down before she came to a complete stop. He walked a few more paces before it became clear that she wasn’t planning to catch up.

He turned and saw that she’d taken a seat on one of the park benches. He carefully made his way to the bench, sitting beside her quietly. She didn’t look at him, but instead studied her fingernails intently. She cracked her knuckles once, twice, and then turned her body slightly toward him on the bench.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped,” she hedged carefully. “I didn’t mean to tell you what to do, or like, imply that there’s anything wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you at all. I just—”

“It’s fine,” Spencer assured her. The way she looked at him then— like he was something fragile, delicate— made his eyes burn. He kept his voice even. “I know what you meant.”

She smiled, eyes crinkling and filled with something that felt familiar and far away all at once. “Good. I can’t have you out here thinking you’re anything less than wonderful.”

He couldn’t stop looking at her, attempting to solve the impossible cypher behind her irises. As he failed to decode it, his inability to read her blinded him to what came next. He missed the dilation of her pupils, the way her tongue darted out to wet her lips, the increase of the beats in her carotid. So when she leaned in and pressed her mouth to his, he was momentarily paralyzed.

Her lips were so soft against his slightly chapped ones, pressing with a perfectly gentle pressure. She brought her hand up to cradle his cheek, the pads of her fingers just barely ghosting the curls falling around his ear. She sighed into his mouth and pressed a little closer. He took one peaceful moment to bask in the realization of a desire he’d had for almost four months.

And then she swiped the very tentative tip of her tongue against the seam of his mouth, and his hands involuntarily wound into her hair, dragging her closer. He opened his mouth against hers to swallow her sweet little gasp. His grip on her hair tightened, and she let out the tiniest mewl, and like a switch had flipped— suddenly his mind was full of the darkness she’d spent the evening chasing away.

Y/N beneath him in the dark. Maeve in a pool of blood. His hands around Cat’s neck. His mother’s slap against his cheek. Max walking away from him. His fingers pressing the plunger on a dirty syringe. The slam of the door behind his father. Y/N calling out his name. A knife at his throat under a canopy of bones. Innumerable sets of lifeless eyes staring up at him. His life being snuffed out on the dirt floor of a shed. The clanging of metal bars and fingers ghosting over old bruises. Y/N looking at him with warm, loving eyes. The violent crack of bone underneath his fists. Y/N’s face, lovely and perfect— and then twisted in pain.

He broke away from her, releasing his hold on her hair and pushing her back into the bench. He took a second to gather himself before he dared to look at her. Her hair was tousled from his rough grip; her eyes were half-lidded and focused on him; her lips were red and kiss-bruised and turned up in a small, sweet smile.

And all at once he knew he had to hurt her, and it had to be now. Because what Cat had said about him was true. He might have escaped his mother’s illness, but he hadn’t been able to outrun the violence— and unlike her, he didn’t have the excuse of being sick. He had hurt people, and he had enjoyed it. He would have killed Hurley, and he would have slept soundly. He was no better than the men his team hunted.

Every time he thought he’d moved past it, that wickedness lurking just under the surface would grab him by the throat, choking everything else out. Emily’s directive rang in his ears. Find that Reid and bring him back to us. He knew who she was talking about. The problem was, he wasn’t sure that person still existed.

He was going to hurt Y/N eventually. Better to do it now, before things got too far.

“You’re Michael’s teacher,” he said, as evenly as possible.

Her smile faltered, and she pressed her lips together. He could still feel the phantom press of them against his own, and he was sure he’d never forget it. She cleared her throat. “You’re right, you’re totally right. I, um— I won’t be in a few months, and maybe then—”

“You don’t even know me,” he interrupted.

Now there was confusion in her eyes. That much he could read. She huffed out a small laugh. “I— I don’t think that’s entirely true.”

He looked directly at her. “Why? Because you read my bio on a university website? Because we got tea a couple times?” His voice sounded harsh, patronizing, and he hated it.

Her confusion shifted into shock, and he ignored the tug on his heart. “Are you serious?” she questioned, genuinely searching for a sign that he was joking.

“Dead serious.” He shrugged, and it felt like his bones were breaking. “You don’t really know anything about me, Y/N. If you did, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”

“Where— where is this coming from?” Her voice was small, close to breaking. He lined up the last nail on the lid of the coffin.

“Maybe I gave you the wrong impression. I’ve appreciated talking to you. Volunteering in your classroom was entertaining. But I don’t— I don’t see you that way.” It was a lie, and if he didn’t have such a practiced poker face, she might have seen through it. As it was, his poker face had helped get him banned from every casino in Vegas, so he watched her as he hammered the final nail. “You’re just Michael’s kindergarten teacher.”

“Oh.” The hurt flashed across her features— the furrow of her brow, the tightening of her mouth, the storm clouds in her eyes. “Well, I— I really read this wrong, huh?” She laughed, but there was no humor in it.

“Yeah.” He put his hands into his pockets to keep himself from reaching for her, the desire to comfort her a strange juxtaposition to the pain he was intentionally inflicting on her. “I guess so.”

She opened and closed her mouth twice before taking a deep breath and nearly whispering, “Okay. Well. I’m— I’m gonna go.”

She brushed some imaginary dust from her pants and then stood. She turned to him, and he waited for her to explode— to scream and curse at him. But it didn’t come. She didn’t look at him at all. “Um— yeah. I’m gonna go.”

He didn’t say anything, and he knew she’d take his silence as indifference. But he had to keep his mouth shut, because if he didn’t, he’d beg her to stay. He’d tell her every single random piece of information he had stored in his brain. He’d tell her that he loved her from the moment he watched her help a child pick a solution from a pencil box. He’d tell her that he only ever dreamt of two things these days— her or the lives he didn’t save. He’d tell her every single one of his deepest, darkest secrets. He’d tell her that sometimes he was so afraid of himself that he could barely breathe. And if he told her all of that, she’d walk away anyway.

So instead, he watched her turn and start back up the path, hugging her arms around herself and swiping her cheek against her scarf.

When she disappeared over the slope of the path, he scrubbed his hands over his own damp face and let himself break.

———

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Broken tags: @saspencereid @this-is-gublerween

[thewillowbends]

So I'm rewatching the first season and reading the book, and I've got Thoughts (TM)

And I've got a LOT of thoughts about what exactly Leigh Bardugo was doing here in terms of the moral and ethical statements of the narrative, so I'm putting it under the cut.

Something that's really glaring on the rewatch is just...the complete lack of compassion every character outside Aleksander has for the plight of the Grisha. The army treats treats them with reciprocal dislike, despite the fact that they couldn't even cross the Fold with the Inferni or Squallers. The tsar and tsarita treat them with condescension and disdain, clearly valuing them mainly as a utility that, historically, they've happily turned on when they felt they were growing too powerful. Baghra has just given up on trying to protect other Grisha who aren't immortal like her or Aleksander. Even Alina is guilty of othering them and has to be told off by multiple characters (Ivan, Aleksander, Baghra) to stop treating her power like a yoke instead of a responsibility and opportunity to help others.

We get this big, bad, armor-piercing line from her to Aleksander about how he doesn't care who suffers as long as he wins. Which is true to some extent, but...where is her compassion? Didn't we just spend a hefty portion of the narrative wanting to give her power away to somebody else so she can, what, be with her bestie? Meanwhile, there's, you know, an actual war going on. This isn't small stakes shit she sees going on around her. People are dying. We literally have an entire plot where we see a Grisha kidnapped, enslaved, and then sent to be put to death...who was given to the enemy by her own people!

And then we get that line from her in 1x07, only to have it followed up by her running away at the end of 1x08 for....why? Most people on the ship are dead or those that survived weren't his supporters. The people on the docks were killed, and most of them actually were traitors trying to kill Alina. Aleksander didn't lie about that. So she's running away to take the blame for some nebulous reason that's not really well explained, which is...well, what the fuck happens to the rest of the Grisha? Do we not care about how Aleksander's actions are going to reflect back on them and cause a potential backlash or something? Not to mention, nobody is on the other side to warn them that Aleksander is a threat to begin with. Even if you assumed he was dead, you'd definitely want to assume he likely had supporters back at the palace, too!

From a character writing perspective, I find it stupid that Aleksander doesn't tell her certain things because if he's such a big, bad, clever manipulator, he would absolutely be weaponizing his own pain and experiences to make her stumble in empathy. That's bad character writing to me when you're telling me somebody's an abusive villain but actually isn't using very real and effective abuser tactics. But then you also have Alina who refuses to even point out...Aleksander, I get it! I've talked to other Grisha! I see what you're going through! But this can't be the answer. You have to see this won't end well for you! Like, her own arguments make no sense to me. They're so myopic and self-involved.

One of the big things that bothers me that gets folded into Aleksander's other manipulations is this idea that he primarily associates and values her for her power, in contrast to Mal who primarily sees her for being herself. While I get the intent of that on a narrative level, in the scope of the wider story...it just literally makes no sense for Aleksander to parse those two as separate. Not when the whole reason Grisha are hunted down and killed is because they don't get the privilege of being people outside of their power. Aleksander doesn't get to be General Kirigan without also being the Darkling. Therefore, Alina doesn't get to be Sankta Alina without also being the Sun Summoner. Not a single other character gets to be relevant without being powerful.

Even on a narrative level, it makes no sense. One, it's frankly kind of sexist (when are male protagonists ever expected to be segregated from their power) and two...that's the whole reason we're telling her story! That's why she's the protagonist! She is special. She can't be separated from this unique power destiny has handed her. We don't tell stories about common, boring people; we tell stories about people who incite conflict or change. So even the mere concept to me of basing a character's identity or value around not wanting value is frankly kind of ridiculous.

There's just this strangely insidious underpinning to the story that power is inherently dangerous, even as it acknowledges that people who are NOT in power can very much suffer at the hands of those who do. So where's the moral and ethical reflection about what this means for the rest of us? What does that mean for minorities?

Think of the scene on the boat where Aleksander has Ivan kill off the nobility. The narrative wants you to see this moment as blackly humorous and awful, but stop for a moment and think about what happened there from his perspective. This is a man who spent centuries watching his people get killed and enslaved, and that isn't a false representation or manipulation from him, either. His statement is backed up both by what we see in the flashbacks and by other Grisha. Nobody created a safe haven for him and his people - he did that! He had to claw his way to the top, flatter, kill, and fuck his way through god knows how many noble houses, just to get to this moment where he could build a Little Palace. And it took him four hundred years just to get that! All while Grisha are dying!

And nobody did anything about it. Not the king, not the landholders, not even the peasantry. They were happy taking advantage of the Grisha's powers, of course, when Aleksander helped raise them up into a position of prominence, making them soldiers and enchanters. And even then, they're mocked! The army can't wait to get rid of them!

And then some noblewoman, who has enjoyed the benefits of her wealth and power, some of which were built on the backs of your people, sits there and tells you, the moment you take hold of the power everybody else has been grabbing for centuries, has the audacity to sit there and tell you that the world will hate Grisha and view him as a heretic?? When less than twenty years ago, your people were being killed right and left? When the enemy is still kidnapping and enslaving your people? When your own countrymen view you with fear and intrigue already? The audacity to sit there and frame it as a hypothetical when it's very much an actual reality still going on. Just look at the barely hidden seething rage and contempt on Barnes face when he delivers that quip about "needing to do that speech again." Motherfucker has been waiting YEARS for this moment, this revenge. And really, who can blame him...if you aren't wrapped up in the narrative wanting you to focus on just what he's doing to poor Alina.

The way the Grisha's situation is framed along with how the Darkling's descent into villainy is handled is so just incongruent to me. The pieces don't fit. You're asking me to see this man as completely irredeemable after you just showed me six episodes of Grisha being killed both for being what they are in the hopes of protecting Alina, after you showed me that Aleksander had already TRIED appealing to the protection of the crown by lending it his power, after making us see that lies and manipulation are the only way he and his mother have been able to survive as long as they have in a world that eradicated them. Where is the compassion in the narrative for that?

And okay, fine, you can do an irredeemable villain. You can do a Kilmonger-esque story with the Darkling, but that requires forcing your protagonists to empathize with the villain and change from it. But then I read ahead and...that doesn't happen?? She winds up walking away from it all at the end?? In fact, she even loses her power. And that's supposed to be a HAPPY ending? After we just saw how badly this minority was treated for how many centuries??

You know what it feels like? It feels like Leigh Bardugo read The Hunger Games, tried to replicate a Katniss, and then completely failed to understand the profound situational differences between her protagonist and that one. Katniss is a girl made extraordinary by her circumstances. She's not special herself other than the fact that she did the right thing at the right place at the right time and helped create the tipping point for a revolution that was already in the works before her. Katniss walking away from the world after makes sense because she's burned out after the war, but it also got its use from her. She helped make the revolution work; she showed up for the event while it was happening and did what she could. The situation was out of her control and power for the most part, and she still managed to rise the occasion.

Alina is NOT Katniss. She is inherently special. She is inherently powerful. She has the ability to create change and bring a new perspective that Aleksander has long given up on and which her country desperately needs. We know the world of the Hunger Games will be better because the creators of real change were always working behind the scenes behind Katniss. She was just their propaganda, their symbol. Alina is a symbol, but she is also a very real power. It's not an act of moral celebration for her to walk away from power at the end, namely because there's a whole minority class of people we still have to worry about. Putting a Grisha on the throne is no promise the country won't turn against them eventually, nor does that protect the hundreds of Grisha at the mercy of a superstitious peasantry and countries that will likely continue to invade them.

It's just...I dunno guys. It's frustrating because all the compelling elements are there in the characters and storyline, but it's like the author had a set of characters telling one story and then she had an entirely different plot in mind, and they just clash all over the place for me and become thematically inconsistent. But what really gets me is that she had seven years to think this shit over...and we're looking to get the same story all over again. Usually, it's a great thing to have an author involved in the show. This is a rare situation where I wonder if it hurts the chances of it improving.

[violentviolette]

how does aspd affect your friendships?

in a lot of ways lmfaoo mostly it affects how I structure all my relationships. I do that very consciously, because I dont really care about people naturally, so ive come up with a system that works for me where I make very conscious decisions about who I'm choosing to care about, what that means and looks like, and then going from there

I do not like most people by default and I'm extreamly picky about what kinds of personalities I enjoy. and even with people I like, caring about them does not come naturally except in very rare and specific circumstances. so if I do end up really liking someone and wanting to keep them in my life, I make a very conscious effort to do so

99% of my connections are casual ones. I consider most people I know to be "casual friends" which means that I like them well enough to be kind and considerate to them and I choose to spend time with them sometimes, but I also dont go out of my way to involve myself with them or their lives. I dont really care about them beyond a surface level. I'd say most prosocial ppl would call these "acquaintances"

for my deeper connections, I genuinely can only maintain a very small circle of these, right now its at about 5 people and ive found thats a really comfy number for me. those I make a very conscious decision to have and I put in a lot of work and effort to maintain them.

I had to learn how to have healthy relationships, like genuinely get taught "what goes into making a friendship, what does caring about someone mean, what actions can and can't I do, ect" and so I have like, an internal set of rules/guidlines that I follow to maintain these connections and keep them healthy

I also do not mask around my actual friends and this is very important. the people closest to me know I have aspd and they accept me for it. they understand how I speak and how I act and we talk a lot about my feelings (and theirs) and I am upfront and honest with people about what I am capable of and what I'm not. I dont bother getting close to ppl I can't be authentic around

but this is important because I think a lot of people have no idea what masking is and think "not being an asshole to people u have chosen to care about" is masking when its really not. being mean is an active choice. masking is performing emotions u do not feel and performing *unneccessary* behaviors that dont come naturally or even actively distress u for the sake of appearing nuerotypical. things like making eye contact, smiling, reacting to things with lots of emotion, pretending to be emotionally affected by things ect. I do not do that at all around my friends. but performing *necessary* actions like treating ur friends with compassion, listening to their feelings and taking them seriously, respecting peoples boundaries and agency, ect. are NOT masking. those are the necessary actions required to have healthy connections with others

if I have decided that someone is my friend then that means I have chosen to treat them properly and care for them in order to keep them in my life. thats not masking. relationships are like a plant. if I buy a plant and then never water it, I can't be mad or surprised when it dies. likewise, friendships need certain things to survive, and if I'm not there for people when they need, if I lie, if I'm mean to them, if I manipulate them, if I dont care about their problems, then that friendship will wither and die and it will have been my fault because I knowingly did not care for it

thats kind of the basics for me? aspd affects my relationships a lot, but ive found that once I started being honest with myself and realizing what I was looking for in other ppl and what Im capable of as well as what goes into maintaining healthy bonds, it got a lot easier. I have very little trouble with my friendships at this point in my life and the people close to me are ones I genuinely and deeply care about

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 2)

And we're back with more exciting and mean Natsume! Here we will further explore Natsume's life and how absolutely dark his existence is, as well as some very important aspects of his personality that will be useful to us when NatsuMikan starts picking up speed.

Again, I am warning people that this whole essay in general talks heavily about topics like bullying, child abuse, suicidal ideation, and depression, so if those are triggering topics, it might be better for you to not read.

Previously, we were introduced to Natsume and he has sent Mikan on a dangerous quest to the Northern Woods. During that trip, she and her friends have captured his one and only best friend, Ruka, which will not bode well.

Chapter Five

Chapter Five is instrumental for completing Natsume’s introduction, long as it’s been. Natsume is a mysterious character, and he will continue to be evasive and strange for many chapters to come, but by the end of this chapter, we will understand some basic foundation for his character.

The chapter starts with Ruka’s point of view, recalling a moment when he saw Natsume cry, presumably after a mission. Ruka wonders why it’s only Natsume that has to go through “this”, and Natsume tells him that he can take it--for now. He says he wants to grow up and be an adult, to be big and strong enough to properly escape this hell. This is a consistent wish of Natsume’s, and in many ways his only wish: to grow up already.

Higuchi really out here trying to convince us this was supposed to be a cheerful story.

Natsume had to be an adult, had to make the selfless and responsible choices for the sake of his family and for Ruka, had to abandon play and smiles and laughter for a life of secret missions and frequent hospital trips. He’s dying and he wants to be an adult already because he’s certain he’ll never be able to grow up. He wants his body to match the level of responsibility he’s had to take on, but he can’t force the outside to match the inside, especially when he’ll probably be dead long before it happens anyway. This wish evolves and changes when he falls for Mikan, but it doesn’t go away.

He associates adulthood with control, because his life at the academy has been observing the adults control and use him. He wants control for once, to be able to make a choice and even just say no.

Ruka notes that Natsume hasn’t cried at all since that night, and that he now keeps all his sorrow locked away. This kid needs therapy, immediately. This is another reason that Ruka is so precious to Natsume. Ruka is compassionate and kind, so concerned about his friend that he would also shut away his own heart so that he can’t be happy for as long as Natsume is in agony.

Natsume has a scene of his own, where he snaps at Permy for saying that Mikan is full of crap and lying about being an alice. He points out that the academy is not an easy place to lie your way into, and Permy immediately backtracks and lies that she’s agreed with him this whole time. Like I’d said earlier about the loneliness involved in being surrounded by fans who don’t really know or understand you, having people all around you bend over backwards for your approval makes it clear that they really have no interest in what you’re saying, just that you’re the one saying it.

In the anime essay, I’d pointed out that because of their admiration for him, it would elude people that Natsume is in fact lonely. He speaks out against things and people rush to agree, not really considering why he might say that. This is a similar moment, though he doesn’t seem too bothered by Permy’s behavior. It’s still concerning, but it’s interesting to compare this “yes, man” attitude to Ruka’s.

There is obviously a difference between someone agreeing with every word of your mouth no matter how much it changes and contradicts, bending over backwards for your approval, and someone wanting to match you out of compassion, but Ruka’s line of thinking does still have some major flaws.

Ruka is a child, just like the rest of them, so even though this behavior is motivated by love and compassion, it’s still immature and raises some questions.

“If you won’t smile, I won’t smile either,” is a sweet line, but now Natsume is aware that Ruka’s misery is his fault. If he wasn’t so sad, Ruka could be happy. This doesn’t make Natsume happy; it just makes them both sad, and that doesn’t solve any problems. Naturally, Natsume would never say that, and Ruka would claim he’s unbothered and--just like Natsume--that he doesn’t care about hanging out with the others, but they’re both miserable now, and I think this is part of the reason why there’s a gap between them at the start of the manga, and why they’re a bit distant, despite being best friends.

They’re each other’s most important person, but they don’t really communicate that well, and Ruka constantly feels like a burden.

Natsume needs something that Ruka can’t give him, and that something is what he’ll eventually get from Mikan.

That being said, at the moment, Natsume is getting nothing but irritation from Mikan. When he finds out Mikan and her gang kidnapped Ruka, that irritation turns into rage and we see a final fundamental building block for Natsume’s character: his berserk button.

Natsume doesn’t care about the reasoning or justification for the kidnapping. He doesn’t care about explanations or common sense.

His rage only increases when he discovers Ruka was tied up and even beaten (he is told this by a classmate, when Ruka is actually unharmed). The other kids in Class B--his admirers--are terrified to see how scary Natsume is when he’s furious.

Natsume's biggest weakness is Ruka so Mikan is kinda fucked.

He doesn’t care about the game anymore. He only cares about Ruka.

So he goes to the Northern Woods, where nobody is expecting him. He tells Mikan to leave the school, which… she cannot do, obviously. He is overtaken by rage and he ceases to be reasonable.

He uses his alice on everyone but Ruka, and is about to use it on Mikan, but her alice nullifies it. Then Narumi kisses him, prompting him to pass out.

Here, we are introduced to a consistent character trait of Natsume’s, one that may contradict all that talk about forced maturity and selflessness. In fact, Natsume’s habit to go absolutely postal on anyone who threatens a loved one is a contradictory one. Going into a rage requires the sacrifice of common sense and reason for the sake of complete emotional detonation, and as a result he fails to understand that his actions could inadvertently hurt his loved ones or innocent bystanders. No reassuring words are enough to calm him down, and sure enough Natsume will destroy something.

It’s important that we see this trait now, as part of Natsume’s informal introduction, as we will see plenty more instances of it later on. In a way, going berserk for someone can even be a love language of his, where if a person being threatened is enough to set him off, he probably cares about them.

And just as interesting as seeing what he does in these situations is posing the why! Why is it that Natsume goes ballistic in these situations, when it requires the loss of the one thing he wishes he had more of, control? My guess is that Natsume has had a rough childhood and much of that time was spent running away from a dangerous entity. Staying cool and calculated under some conditions would have its benefits, but so would the quick-action and confidence that Natsume would gain by going berserk. When you have to protect someone, and Natsume has been in that situation many times, then it’s sometimes even beneficial to be able to lose yourself for a moment or two. But perhaps it’s not that either. Natsume is, despite all his airs of coldness and mystery, actually a very emotional person, and in that way he is easy to understand. Even if this isn’t a habit he developed by watching his loved ones ripped away from him through either extortion, manipulation, or just plain murder, it’s still something he might be predisposed to: attacking with everything he has despite not having a clear plan or even any real thought.

Chapter Six

We pick up where we left off and Natsume wakes up grumpy after everyone seeing him under the effects of Narumi’s pheromone alice. He causes more destruction, still in somewhat of a rage, and even causes Narumi a head wound though his teacher seems unbothered by this (or maybe even used to it, who can say).

The next thing that happens is that an alarm rings, signaling that Natsume is due for severe punishment, and, as Naru points out, not something he can help with this time. Narumi warns him to get a move on before a mystery enemy (Persona) arrives, and that is enough to scare Natsume into getting out of there. But not before he issues a word of warning of his own to Mikan, that she will regret coming to Alice Academy of her own free will.

Isn't it interesting how her optimism, something he hated so much about her from the start, ends up being something he loves about her?

I have very many thoughts about this warning. It might even seem like a threat, as if Natsume will go out of his way to make sure she regrets her decision, but he does no such thing. He is convinced that Mikan doesn’t need help reaching that conclusion--she will realize it on her own because the school is simply that terrible.

It makes a little bit of sense to view Natsume’s hatred of Mikan this way: Mikan skipped right into his own personal hell with a smile on her face and a bubbly attitude. Meanwhile, he fought and kicked and screamed right until the very end when he was forced into attending the academy. And Mikan is not some normal girl who might be able to live a quiet and pleasant life in the academy. She’s already been marked, what with all the games about her enrollment, and that might anger Natsume even more: she’s really naive enough to walk into a place that’s not just hell to him, but inevitably to her too. Because of this, Natsume hates her and is predisposed to hate her more the more cheerful and optimistic she is.

And, unlike in the anime, this hatred takes much longer to go away.

Anyway, we see Natsume again later in class, when he shows up late after having just been terribly abused as punishment for his actions in the Northern Woods.

In the anime, Natsume catches Mikan insulting him while wearing the punishment mask, and although he’s covered in scratches and the kids are whispering about his bad mood, there’s not much else to it. He doesn’t seem any more unpleasant than he’s been this whole time.

There's nothing funny about this but I will put here as a warning that anybody who jokes that kids should be hit will be hit by me!

In the manga, Natsume is so weak that he can hardly stand. It’s not just scratches, but blood and gashes on his wrists and legs. The mask is not only used to mark him, it’s also used to punish, by physically abusing him when Persona has better things to do.

He makes his way to his seat, but Narumi is on the way, just enough to make a quippy comment.

(I wonder sometimes about Narumi establishing himself as untrustworthy to the children, particularly Natsume, and how exactly that’s supposed to be a help to the student body at large. I mean there’s the possibility that Mikan is special, and her being Yuka’s daughter helped Narumi remember what he became a teacher for. In that case, it might make sense that Narumi, being so jaded and bitter, might be content acting as a villain to the abused children of the academy, and especially to Natsume, but I can’t help but feel that’s not the case. I don’t want to think that Narumi was willingly complicit and even amused by Natsume’s abuse. It’s difficult to tell for sure, though, because Narumi is way more mysterious than Natsume tries to be.)

Sumire tries to kiss up, whining to Natsume about how everyone is suddenly acting so nice to the new girl, until Natsume forcefully kicks her desk to shut her up. He only holds back with Ruka, who he would never lash out at.

Narumi then announces that Mikan shall have a partner, and that her partner will be Natsume. It’s funny because although Hotaru made it clear she didn’t want the job, Iinchou was willing to volunteer, but Narumi ignores that because he always wanted Natsume to be her partner. At this news, everyone is shocked, wondering if Mikan is supposed to be special, seeing as she’s paired up with Natsume of all people.

Narumi smiles to himself despite the chaos and then lets himself leave the classroom, saying, “let’s see what happens.”

Why does he partner them up?

Mikan thinks Narumi is crazy for this, and from an outside perspective it certainly might seem that way.

Natsume’s theory, as becomes clear later during the exams, is that this was organized by the ESP and Persona, perhaps as a punishment, but definitely with ulterior motives. He is closer to nailing it, but a little off. There is no way in hell the ESP would want to partner the child of rabble-rousers with the school’s pet child soldier. That’s a recipe for disaster. Knowing that the ESP was excited to welcome Mikan because of her alice, and that her presence at the school might encourage Yuka to try and save her, he wouldn’t have wanted to disturb his own plans.

So what is the reason?

It’s all Narumi, of course. Perhaps the O.G. shipper, Narumi could tell right away that Mikan’s nullification would be useful, particularly in regards to Natsume. Pairing them up is just another means to an end, as Narumi actually wants the kids to raise some trouble.

Chapter Seven

Being partners with Natsume is quite unhelpful.

Mikan ends up a No-Star and her Special-Star partner is for the most part absent throughout her ordeals, having to cope with it all on her own.

Chapter Seven is mainly lacking Natsume. He functions to not function for most of it, that is to establish himself as being a terrible partner.

There is a moment that stands out, when Mikan is writing a letter to her grandpa, where Natsume appears. Yes, he appears in her head to taunt her about her regret coming to the school, and she spites him by committing to optimism and determination in the future. But he also has a short appearance paralleling a panel of Mikan: they are both in their beds, awake.

WHAT WAS THE REASON?????!??!?!?

This parallel is interesting, their panels right next to each other. She is thinking about her grandpa, and we have no way of knowing what Natsume is thinking about, but there has to be a reason for him to appear despite having been mostly absent so far in the chapter.

To me, it’s another narrative tool to pair them together. They have been so far, in more ways than one, and will continue to be as they fall in love, and this is just another example of how they’d been fated from the start. Even when they hate each other, and even when they aren’t thinking of each other, they’re still tied. Looking at those panels, and seeing Natsume despite his relative irrelevance to the plot, seems to be a message that there’s more to come between them. I don’t know if any of what I’m saying makes sense, or if it seems silly, but there’s very little analysis I can do without just talking about potential.

Later, with Mikan in a new mood, ready to make the most of her situation, the kids are talking about her resilience with both her no-star status and having Natsume as a partner.

Ruka does the talking for Natsume, warning Mikan that she’s being watched and remarking that nobody should have been assigned a no-star for simply disturbing class.

Once again, Mikan and Natsume are paired: they are both treated unfairly, with Mikan given a no-star status she doesn’t deserve, and Natsume given a special-star status despite the fact that he doesn’t even go to class most of the time. They’re the exceptions to the rule, and the reader is made to wonder what exactly it is that they have in common that would result in this treatment.

Ruka tells Mikan not to trust any teachers at the academy, not even Naru, and this is almost like hearing from Natsume himself. Unlike Mikan, who will happily make strong bonds with teachers like Narumi and Nodacchi, Natsume has absolutely no positive adult figures in his life. His father is far away, his mother is dead, and every teacher is someone he holds either directly or indirectly responsible for his suffering. The adults at the school have failed him and he has nobody to trust. Something Natsume needs is a positive role model, somebody he can look up to and have faith in, because as it stands he’s a traumatized boy who absorbs negativity and takes it out in bad ways. A trustworthy adult would very much help Natsume grow and learn better coping skills, and in the meantime it makes perfect sense that he would act out and even be a bully at times.

Chapter Eight

Natsume has a habit of ignoring any and all episodes where Mikan has confrontations with her teachers. He is either dozing off or listening to music with Ruka, and doesn’t seem particularly interested in even watching.

That being said, we see a new side to Natsume in this chapter, a new emotion in a way we haven’t before: fear.

Natsume ditches class with regularity. He does not care about being present. For most classes, he would simply walk out and go screw around somewhere else, but with the dangerous ability class, he doesn’t have that choice.

The other teachers may be complicit, but they won’t do the abuse themselves. Persona is not above that, as we have already noticed despite never even seeing him so far.

If Natsume does not want to attend the dangerous ability class, then he has to run for it, and in this chapter he does, like his life depends on it, because his safety sure does. He’s only ten years old and forced to do horrible missions for the school. This is one of the scenes that reminds me that he is just a child. He knows he could get punished for running, but he does it anyway. Maybe, if he runs fast enough, they won’t catch him. Maybe, if he doesn’t get caught, he doesn’t have to go on a mission. Maybe, just this once, they won’t mind if he doesn’t show. It’s such a childish and desperate thing to do, to avoid pain at the cost of more pain to come.

Natsume is scary when he's scared...

It’s funny that as he is running from pain, he runs into Mikan, who will later alleviate his pain. For now, he just shuts her up so that Persona can pass the area while looking for him. We see Persona for the first time, what Natsume is scared of more than anything, and although his fear seems obvious, Mikan is preoccupied by annoyance for being shut up like that.

They bicker--or she bickers at him, mostly--until the middle schoolers encounter them and start bullying them.

Natsume is ready to ignore them and walk away, until Sumire’s brother calls him a murderer, reminding us of the rumor Hotaru and Iinchou discussed. Natsume stops, and Sumire’s brother whines that he’s just a special star because he’s “Persona’s favorite”.

Sumire and her brother have, like, nothing in common other than curly hair, huh.

Being Persona’s favorite is no privilege, as we know now from the run-in we just had with him and Natsume’s fear. This sets Natsume off and he starts some fires. When they threaten to call Persona, who Natsume was just running from, he responds that they can call him all they want, but he’ll burn them before he can get there to capture him. We see once again, through Natsume standing up for himself, that his berserk button lacks reason (as he is willing to sacrifice punishment by Persona again).

In a last-ditch attempt to threaten him, the middle schoolers threaten Mikan, who they perceive to be Natsume’s new girlfriend. (Calling her his girlfriend is interesting because it is even more proof that they are being narratively paired together! It shouldn’t be a surprise at all that they eventually get together, when almost everybody around them pairs them up like this, even when they can’t stand each other.) They do not expect that Natsume actually hates her, and genuinely doesn’t care if she gets bullied or not. He smiles in twisted amusement at this turn of events and walks away for good this time, leaving Mikan to be bullied.

Aw, he's smiling! How sweet.... oh wait that's a skull.

Now, Natsume is a good person deep inside, somebody who is selfless and kind in secret ways. There is no secret kindness about this scene. He is not a nice person, for sure, and this scene is proof of it.

Natsume is used to sacrificing himself for the comfort and well-being of his loved ones, so there might be relief in not caring about the comfort or well-being of somebody, and being able to choose his own well-being before that of somebody else for once. It makes sense that he would be so amused, because this time nobody has anything to hold over his head.

Conclusion

We have seen some more of the abuse Natsume faces on a daily basis. He and Mikan have been partnered up and they are presented narratively as foils and as pairs even outside of that dynamic.

For the next part, we'll see even more examples of them being paired together, as well as how Natsume is isolated from his classmates.

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[rachelthompsonauthor]

What is social proof? It’s a marketing concept that we are all inadvertently, unknowingly contributing to every time we click on, retweet, like, reply or comment, and share any kind of social media, article, or blog post on the net. Technically, social proof, as defined by Sprout Social is:

The concept that people will follow the actions of the masses. The idea is that since so many other people behave in a certain way, it must be the correct behavior.

Social Proof and Me

As an author, social media is a hugely important part of my author platform, as it is for any writer or blogger. This is how we connect with readers now, even before the pandemic. Virtual, online events are now the norm. Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube Live video discussions are the new book signings. Twitter chats are weekly on any number of topics; I have two of my own, in fact, #SexAbuseChat every Tuesday at 6 pm pst/9 pm est and #BookMarketingChat every Wednesday at 6 pm pst/9 pm est.

All important for visibility, branding, and most importantly, connection.

However…there’s a limit. I reached my limit over the course of this past year. It didn’t come all at once. It came, little by little, reaching a peak this past month or so.

Why? How? Me, the so-called social media expert?

Access. Like many people, I have issues with the incredible level of access Facebook gives people once we friend them without our consent. PMs (private messages) are automatic, now with the ability for people to call, voice, and video message us, with no option to shut these options to OFF unless we unfriend the person (we can, however, mute a specific conversation). Technically, we do give them consent in the legal mumbo jumbo we all agreed to when we joined back in the 2010s.

I am not okay with this. And Facebook doesn’t care. Nobody cares. You’re probably thinking, “Geez, Karen. Shut up, already. Stop your whining, white lady.” I get it. I do. First-world problems.

I counter with: I hear you. It’s also part of my business. A huge part. Here’s why:

As someone who manages over 70+ various social media accounts as part of my BadRedhead Media business, plus my own accounts as well, Facebook requires I have a personal account in order to manage all those other Pages. I do understand why, particularly with all the ridiculousness of the past four years with the abundance of fake accounts, fake news, and such.

As a survivor of sexual abuse and stalking, this is ultra-concerning to me. So, what happened this past month or so? Suffice it to say, one person repeatedly tried calling me. I never pick up Facebook calls, especially if I don’t know you. Another left me a few voice messages saying they were offended by something.

Yet another left me another message in ALL SHOUTY CAPS that she didn’t find what I posted inspirational enough and she expected better from someone who is “supposedly on the side of authors.”

Oh, and there is the one lady who started replying on ALL my posts to the kind people who did comment that she didn’t think I replied often enough or to her satisfaction.

Well. I’ve been criticized before. You should read some of my 1-star reviews. There’s plenty!

But, for whatever reason, this struck a chord. I got up in my feels. I cried. I talked with one of them and we worked it out because we like and respect each other’s work in the mental health space. The others I blocked. It’s darn frustrating to donate hours of my time each week to helping writers solely because I want to, only to be told it’s not enough. Like, seriously? Fuck off.

My blood raged. My heart sank. Understandable, right?

But what really made me angry is that I put myself in that position by being available. I accepted that ‘it is what it is.’ This is what the social media platforms have given us, so that’s what I have to work within.

I’m too available. It’s too easy to leave me shitty messages. This is why people hire people like me – to handle this crap for them! So they don’t have to read these ridiculous criticisms from judgy people who apparently have nothing better to do or are having a bad day.

And I get bad days. It’s a damn pandemic. We’re all struggling. Where’s the damn compassion for one another?

I have a dislike/hate relationship with Facebook anyway, since about ten or so years ago when I discovered that a past love had died by suicide by going to his personal profile and seeing, “RIP dude,” messages there. We had spoken early that day. It still haunts me.

So…what to do? I’m claiming my time. I’m not posting to my personal Facebook profile right now. I’m ignoring it. I am checking my Pages and of course, my client Pages. When I feel like I can face it again, I will cull my ‘friends’ down from *checks real quick* 4385 people to maybe, I don’t know, the few hundred in my groups, many of whom I do know and treasure.

Social Proof and You

If you’re a writer, social proof matters. This is the world we live in. Publishing is not only writing.

You need to be ‘findable,’ not only on Google, but also on each individual social platform, so your readers can learn more about you and hopefully, buy your books. If you go the traditional route, publishers and agents want to know how many followers you have (easily upped by buying fake followers or likes from Fiverr or wherever). I suggest not doing that, because:

1) fake followers don’t buy books 

2) it’s usually pretty obvious when you have fake followers because they’re all foreign names, have questionable bios, and no tweets

3) do you really want to start your publishing career with a lie? 

They also want to know what you post, how often, and what your branding is. If you’re an indie author, honestly, the same applies. Social proof is about connection, building relationships, and authenticity. I’ve believed that since I started my business and writing career way back in 2011, and I stand by it now. Start slow, grow slow. It’s not a race.

I’m the furthest thing you’ll even find from a conspiracy theorist – I don’t believe in chemtrails, pizza parlor cabals, or that the earth is flat. However, I am a realist. Watch The Social Dilemma sometime. These huge tech companies share our data without our knowledge or consent (Cambridge Analytics, anyone?). Younger generations are so used to this, they don’t really care – ask them.

(My kids think having a chip implanted in their hands with all their data is a fabulous idea. “So much easier than having to talk and repeat everything over and over. Just scan me and be done with it,” says my daughter Anya (21). “Agree,” grunts my son, Lukas (15). Buy stuff, go to the doctor, whatever. Scan and go. Talk with any GenZ kid, you’ll likely get a similar answer. They’ve been tracked since birth everywhere. They don’t know life without a computer, tablet, or phone in their hands.)

Know that whatever we do, it’s all part of each platforms’ AI, and they share data, which is why that darling pair of shoes you just saw on Amazon is now showing up on Google, Facebook, Twitter, and every website you visit going forward. It’s all about the money, and they all get a piece of that affiliate link.

Every bit of every click is recorded, even when you’re watching videos on YouTube, or a subscription service like Netflix, or perusing goods on Amazon. It’s all connected. I’m not shocked or surprised by any of this, are you?

It’s Not Personal

What people say to us and about us is ultimately incredibly revealing about them. We know this, at an intellectual, psychological, and emotional level. Still, when people say mean things, it hurts. We’re human.

Does it matter in the overall scope of our lives? Who can say. It matters at that moment. It can matter when it comes to overall visibility when you’re marketing your book(s) or trying to get that book contract or interview. Only you can say if it matters to you.

Already a longtime fan of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS by Don Miguel Ruiz, I took a moment to reorient myself with this one agreement: Don’t take anything personally. I also stumbled across an excellent short and entertaining TEDTalk by Frederick Imbo. His main message to stop taking things personally is two-fold;

It’s not about me. Look at the other person’s intention and

It IS about me. Give yourself some empathy. Speak up. Ask questions. Pay attention to how you feel and be vulnerable with your needs.

I’m glad I was able to, inadvertently, employ point #2 and work out some issues with one of the people by telling him what he said made me cry. He apologized. I apologized. We talked it through and we’re still friends.

Ultimately, social media is what we contribute to it. What we make it. How much we allow of it into our lives. Social proof is going along with the tide. I’ve been in this space since 2008. Being connected to others is a big part of the work I do to help and support not only other writers, but also other childhood sexual abuse survivors. However, I’ve reached that point. I knew it was coming.

I’m not shutting my doors. I’m just adding a screen. With a strong lock.

***

Read more about Rachel’s experiences in the award-winning book, Broken Pieces.

She goes into more detail about living with PTSD and realizing the effects of how being a survivor affected her life in

Broken Places, available in print everywhere!

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via Rachel Thompson

[sullivanspade]

♠ Advantages & Drawbacks ♠

STAT-RELATED HIGHLIGHTS

♠ Dexterity (Agility/Coordination) — 13

( Swift / Evasive / Contortionist )

Sullivan’s coordination is much more impressive than his physical strength. Despite carrying on like a cranky old man if he’s forced into situations that are physically taxing, he is quite swift and light on his feet. He may not move gracefully in tense situations, but you better believe he can haul ass to safety when the need arises. Growing up in a Club household served to enhance his abilities to dodge and evade out of absolute necessity for continued survival. Being that he is on the vertically challenged spectrum and quite slim, Sullivan can fit himself into and navigate tight places...whether he wants to or not.

♠ Strength — 8

( ??? )

Nothing to see here, folks! Sullivan is the epitome of the tropes: ‘Weak, but Skilled’ and ‘Squishy Wizard’ (a sub-trope of ‘Glass Cannon’). He may possess a bit of ‘burst’ strength if a situation calls for it but he’s not going to be winning a fist fight any time soon and even coming out as the victor of a good natured arm wrestle with your granny seems doubtful.

♠ Constitution — 10

( Stamina / Running / Swimming / Endurance )

Sullivan’s overall constitution is almost laughable. It’s not that he’s out of shape; it’s more like his body vehemently disagrees with having to do anything more than walk at an agreeable pace for an extended amount of time. He’s perfectly fine on his feet at the Joker all day, but require this boy to go for a jog and he’s going to need a lie down for at least the same amount of time directly afterwards. When he does run, it’s usually because his life is in danger and that is where adrenaline and his irrepressible will to live kicks in and has managed to save his hide. 

And thankfully, when he was a lad, a notoriously kind-hearted Club taught him how to swim or I’m certain he would have drowned by now. Where Sullivan can slightly excel in this category is on an endurance level, as far as resisting submission to pain, disease and/or poison effects. After years of abuse at the hands of so-called friends and family, he has built up a respectable tolerance.

♠ Intelligence — 15

( Curious / Scholar / Mathematician / Linguist )

Sullivan is a clever boy and has always had an insatiable search for knowledge above all other things. Every aspect of Kadeu’s life and times offers an avenue of study to the inquisitive young man. From factions to species, he has spent time examining the varying cultures, traditions, history, and politics of each, of course, some more than others. He does consider himself a scholar more than anything and is almost always propped up against something with his nose in a book if not otherwise engaged. 

Sullivan has always had a head for numbers and excels more than most at calculating figures in his head, which helps immensely with his current position at the Joker. His position has also taught him quite a bit about Kadeu’s trade industry and at times, he can be an absolutely insufferable know-it-all when it comes to the origin, worth or value of a certain object. Try to haggle with this boy and you will be sorry you did! 

In his studies as a Ritualist, he has even picked up quite a bit of Demon language and although he can read at a nearly fluent level, the guttural pronunciation still gives him a bit of trouble. 

♠ Wisdom (Acumen) — 14 

( Musician / Craftsman / Investigator / Eavesdropper / Survivalist )

One of the very few things Sullivan learned in his childhood home that did not pertain directly to service, was to play the piano. The master of the house in particular enjoyed music and very much enjoyed watching Sullivan play. After learning the basics, it wasn’t long until he was coming up with his own melodies. 

Sullivan has always been unusually passionate about the care and upkeep of household equipment and has done his best to acquire the know-how required to adequately ‘buttle’ for whoever is his current master. His skill-set encompasses everything from maintenance and cleaning to cooking, laundry, and tailoring. In more recent years he has taken interest in the construction and inner workings of modern objects, which has translated into the dismantling of certain household objects and weaponry; some of which that will never be quite the same again. Over time he has improved and become quite skilled at working with wood and metal, constructing intricate ‘puzzle boxes’ when work and studies permit.

Although it is usually easy to tell if Sullivan is being dishonest, he does possess the capacity to conceal things; both objects and himself. He has spent many evenings concealing himself in shadowy hallways to eavesdrop on nearby conversations and even taught himself to read lips over time. In truth, he possesses a wealth of personal secrets about many of the people he’s been close to, his moral compass dictating what he does or doesn’t do with the information.

While it seems entirely doubtful that Sullivan could survive on his own in the wilderness, he would do surprisingly well...as long as he didn’t encounter any hostile medium to large size animals...or people. Through his journey into Ritualism, he has studied herbalism extensively, as well as garnering knowledge on the local landscape and wildlife outside of Kadeu.

♠ Charisma — 12

( Persuasion / Mettle / Charm )

Sullivan has a way with words and knows exactly what to say in order to stroke an ego or instill doubt in someone who previously felt they’d come up with a foolproof plan. He has reasoned his way out of a beating more times than he can count and diffused many tense altercations at the Joker to date. While he is usually an obedient lad, he does possess the gift of a silver tongue, even to the point where he can hide insults within carefully constructed flattery.

Sullivan is rather easy to overlook. He’s not tall or strong or particularly attractive. He seems weak and even incapable in comparison to others. However, Sullivan truly thrives in situations where he’s been underestimated. He would much rather enter a situation where the other participants expect little if not nothing from him. In truth, Sullivan is deceptively resourceful and his own low self esteem and habitual self doubt often lends to his success in the long run. 

9 times out of 10, he believes he can’t, but he still manages to achieve his goals or mission objective. His usual method involves planning and preparing as much as possible because, more than anything, he hates failing. Being this single-minded in his success (even if he’s inwardly setting himself up for the disappointment of failure) helps him to ignore outside temptations, stressors, distraction, and even pain. More often than not, he’s more surprised than anyone when he manages to succeed.

MAGIC-RELATED HIGHLIGHTS

Ritual Magic - Being that Sullivan is a Ritualist, he can perform Ritual Magic. The rituals he has learned and will learn come almost exclusively from grimoires, which are magical tomes created by witches or demons and are most commonly written in the native tongue of demons.

Summoning Magic - Sullivan can use rituals to summon certain beings to do his bidding. Their origin and purpose varies greatly depending on the ritual, verbiage, and ingredients used.

COMBAT-RELATED HIGHLIGHTS

Basic Training - Sullivan completed basic Spade combat readiness, but wasn’t capable of progressing much past that. What he has held onto most over the years, he has learned from Hilo, Mercy, Max, and of course, the General. If he must use a weapon, he prefers something small and easily concealable. And although it is very dangerous for him to do so, he does prefer close quarters combat. Even if he’s in the grasp of an enemy, if he can manage to slip an arm free, he’s quick and skilled enough to do considerable damaged with a precisely aimed attack. Still, he will always prefer the combat method that has brought him the most success over the years: turning tail and fleeing.

[potteresque-ire]

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes - My Rambling Review

This is a book that at times floors me, at times frustrates me.

(Under the cut, because 1) rambling and 2) spoilers)

I’ll lay out my frustrations first — then, I’ll do a 180 degrees turn around and explain why these frustrations also make the book such a haunting, powerful read for me. All in all, I really enjoyed this book. It’s just that, while reading, I also kept thinking:

This book is a several edits away from a masterpiece.

I’ll begin with this. I can’t say how much I adore Suzanne Collins’ dedication in driving home the themes of the Hunger Games in TBOSAS. The nature of war and how it serves a tool for those who want to retain power, the opposing view of whether human nature is inherently good or violent or self-destructive. 

Control, chaos, contract.

But this is also why, I think, the book stumbles in places. The themes are given such a strong, at times heavy-handed treatment that they threaten to swallow up other elements of storytelling. The plot, the characterisations etc have all at times given way to serve the themes, and the story’s believability is compromised. The Hunger Games, as a series, requires more believability to work than a novel about our world because of the sheer brutality of the games, both inside and outside the arena. This requires a sure hand in the writing. Suzanne Collins accomplished that in the original trilogy — I never doubted the existence of these games, and the horror that is the Capitol that has created and enjoyed them. But I did have moments of doubt while reading TBOSAS.

I think, if I have to sum up the shortcomings of TBOSAS, it is this: everything in this book is about war and totalitarianism. Every plot point speaks to these themes. Every major character is a walking symbol of a set of ideals related to these themes. Everything they think and do, every backdrop of their thoughts and actions including the imageries, the songs, the objects (compact, compass, snakes etc), all serve the themes in some way. This undermines plausibility of the story because actual human beings aren’t like that. Actual events don’t happen like that. Our lives are pulled in multiple directions by numerous purposes, most of them trivial. The trivialities may not serve any larger themes but they round us, complete us as humans. They provide the context, the texture of who we are.

Because only the aspects of them connected to the themes are told/emphasised, The characters in TBOSAS are prone to reading flat, textureless. Dr Gaul (DG) is the most extreme of examples. She feels no more than a voice (not a human) for the singular purposes of bringing up questions about the themes. Other major characters are relatively spared, but the issue is still evident in places. The thoughts of Coriolanus Snow (CS) are too focused on several issues (poverty; the three Cs; how the Plinths offend him, for example). Lucy Grey (LG) is somewhat saved by her songs and her mystery is her draw, but the same mystery also prevents us from engaging emotionally with her. Sejanus Plinth (SP) repeatedly tries to defy the Capitol, which is noble, but does little else that we’re aware of. His presence seems to serve as a contrast to CS rather than being a person on his own. The secondary characters suffer even more under the weight of the themes:  the mentors, for example, are so similarly unlikeable that they border on cartoonish for me. It makes sense in the trilogy that Katniss doesn’t know much about those in the arena with her and their mentors; it makes sense that her descriptions of them veer towards two-dimensional and therein lies the tragedy of the Games — Katniss and Peeta are fully aware that every tribute is a human being but they’re robbed of any chance to treat them as such. In contrast, the mentors in TBOSAS are CS’s childhood friends. CS may be self-centred and calculating, but he’s too observant to see his friends as all alike. Symbolically, I can understand why the mentors share certain traits — they will be the audience for the next 65 Hunger Games, after all — but the implausibility of these mentors undermines the plausibility of the 10th Hunger Games itself, as CS sits among them.

The shortcomings in characterisations are reflected in the plot. The romantic scenes between CS and LG tend to get into the discussions of the nature of the Games, of Panem and the Capitol’s rule very quickly (for example, the one by the Lake, the one during their final trip out of District 12). It allows a direct compare-and-contrast between his views and hers, but at the plot level, it makes their romance, healthy or not, difficult to believe, which makes some of CS’ decisions hard to believe. Sometimes, I almost sense a disinterest in the writing, a hastening in the pace at what are significant plot points that don’t directly serve the themes (for example, the confrontation in the shed). And there are many of such beautiful plot points in this book, fantastic moments when things don’t go as expected or the writing nails the scene and brings the emotions to the max (The last hanging. * Sigh*). But this book, like CS, isn’t interested in lingering in those moments. This book, like CS, doesn’t allow itself to veer out of emotional control.

Related to the plot too is that I feel the treatment of the tributes before 10th Hunger Games is a bit too heavy handed, and as a result, fail to achieve the chilling effects of the games in the original trilogy. How the tributes are dumped in a zoo and treated with veterinarians, how they’re treated in the funerals etc … the cold-heartedness of these acts, the villainous nature of the Capitol is so overt that it’s difficult to imagine the Capitol’s citizens going along with them (watching the tributes at the zoo, for example; the fans outside the arena during the games). The luxury offered to the tributes before the Games in the original trilogy adds on a whole layer of brutality, because it’s there to appease the conscience of the Capitol citizens, because it’s equivalent to fattening the pig before slaughtering it. The 10th Hunger Games misses that. Like everything else, I understand this choice of presentation at the symbolic level (more on that later), but it also makes some of these sequences read almost caricature, if the Games were a human. It’s Evil spelled out for all to see; it’s evil for evil’s sake.

Okay, so this seems to be a long list of complaints. If you get here, you must be wondering, how come I said I enjoyed the book? What is there left to be enjoyed, if the characterisations, the plot and the pacing all have somethings left to be desired?

And my answer is: this book is a very different book if I adjust my perspective, think of everything in terms of its themes and symbols. After this adjustment, TBOSAS becomes a very different read.

It’s also brilliant.

My thoughts are rough — I’m not familiar with the Hobbesian theories, but I’ll try to explain my alternate view of TBOSAS via my understanding of the 4 major characters, Coriolanus Snow (CS), Lucy Grey (LG), Sejanus Plinth (SP), and Dr Gaul (DG). I think of them as the major characters because I feel they each represent a set of perspectives regarding totalitarianism and the wars and chaos associated with it. In the books, these perspectives are engaged in a Hunger Games of their own, a battle raged because the governing set of perspectives, the one of Dr Gaul, is failing. The victor of this Game doesn’t get the Plinth Prize, but decides the fate of the Districts and Panem. I’d summarise the 4 perspectives as follows:

DG (Dr Gaul) is the closest to the classic villain. She views the line between the Capitol and the Districts as not the line between good and evil, but between winners and losers, who are violent animals without the line. The line is rigid and unmovable and must be maintained via constant war. She wants to make a totalitarian regime.

SP (Sejanus Plinth) is the closest to the classic hero. He also sees the line between the Capitol and the Districts, and as clearly and insistently as Dr Gaul (he insists he’s from District 2 throughout the book). The difference is, he sees it as the line between the oppressors and the oppressed, the evil and the good. He wants to break the totalitarian regime, make the line obsolete by making one side disappear. The road to achieve his ideals also involves war.

LG (Lucy Grey) refuses to acknowledge the line between the Capitol and the Districts. She has no trouble becoming friends / lovers with those who are from the Capitol as long as they do not commit the same brutality, while her sympathies also lie with the rebels who’re brutally treated. She has no interest in wars, in the making or breaking of any regime. She is her own judge of who’s good and who’s evil, who’s the oppressor and the oppressed and contrary to DG (and eventually, CS), she believes humans are inherently good.

CS (Coriolanus Snow), on the surface, also sees the line between the Capitol and the Districts. Unlike DG and SP, however, he sees it as something fluid, which can be erased and redrawn to suit a purpose. The line CS sees doesn’t demarcate good vs evil, or winners vs losers. It separates CS and what CS wants. Like LG, CS has no true loyalty to the Capitol or the Districts, has no inherent interest in wars or making or breaking a regime. Unlike LG, however, he is open to participating in them as long as there are rewards to be reaped. As such, CS has no qualms cheating in the Games, which does far more damage to the Capitol’s image of strength and control than anything else (by making LG a victor despite her unthinkable odds but more importantly, making her a person instead of an animal), or later on, taking over SP’s place in the Plinth’s family.

DG, despite being the game maker, is the first loser of this Hunger Games between the ideologies. Her control is cracking. Her Games are a bore, and discontent and hunger have lent chaos to the Districts, like the fight in the dark in District 12. Chaos is also in the Capitol when CS, discontent and hungry in his own way, begins to erase the line between the Capitol and the Districts by showing up in the train station with a rose. Despite her powerful façade, DG is also weak against LG and SP. LG defeats DG’s snake mutts easily in the arena. DG has to give SP chance after chance, given his father’s ammunition empire.

DG’s strength is that she’s aware of her weaknesses, and willing to adjust her tactics in exchange for the control she craves. I don’t think she’s grooming CS as much as she sees something in him that she doesn’t have. The something that is symbolised by the compact — the remaining humanity in CS after the war that allows him to gain the trust of LG and SP. DG fails to even pretend to have that. Like the 10th Hunger Games she’d staged, like her dumping the tributes in the zoo and abusing them, her intent is too obvious, her distaste too overt and … tasteless. Even the Capitol audience aren’t keen on her designs; they go to the zoo to watch the tributes but skip the Games. She needs a CS who knows how to re-package the Games as something that appears fun and harmless and beautiful, like LG. LG who can make tributes in a cage look dignified, who can entertain and sing DG’s snake mutts into oblivion.

SP’s strength is, of course, his moral fibre, which is also his weaknesses. He’s too idealistic; his inability to accept compromises, especially when he’s still too young to bring about actual changes to the Capitol, render him useless towards his goal — even if he doesn’t meet his end, what good can he do for the Districts, for Panem, once he heads North (with the likes of Billy Taupe)? I find myself agreeing with CS when he talks SP out of the arena — morality is of limited use if it can’t be translated into meaningful actions. I also (somewhat shamefully) find myself agreeing with CS’s frustration / bitterness about SP’s constant, vocal insistence that he’s District, if only because I find it disrespectful to the actual suffering the District 2 folks must be going through. As the Plinth heir, SP is in a very powerful position to bring about reforms to Panem if he can be a little more patient, a little more scheming, … a little more CS. Instead, he constantly engages himself in largely performative acts that compromises his own potential. Acting out in front of Dr Gaul. The bread crumbs for Marcus, even. It’s touching, yes, but does it change anything? No. The bread ritual isn’t the same as Katniss’s funeral for Rue; Katniss and Rue are both tributes. SP gets out of the arena because of the privilege he has in spades but fails to see in himself. He should also know, because he’s seen it before, what happens to whichever tribute who would’ve killed him if CS doesn’t show up.

That said, it doesn’t mean SP doesn’t do any good; it’s just that the good he’s done isn’t what he’s intended, which, perhaps, makes SP’s end even more tragic than it is. I think SP and his idealism have inspired CS to be a better person. I believe CS, despite himself, like SP more than he admits and SP delays his final turn for at least a while. SP may not have helped anyone in the Districts as he’s wished, but he’s close to changing the mind of someone who’ll one day decide the fate of everyone in the Districts.

LG. Her strength is her independent thinking. She isn’t naive about the Capitol-Districts line she refuses to acknowledge — she knows where the snakes are. She knows that better than anyone else. On the surface, she appears to be the weakest among the four, the girl in a rainbow dress whose only survival skill is her ability to manipulate snakes. But someone can sense evil and manipulate it to their advantage is a threat; someone who doesn’t buy into the Capitol’s propaganda is a threat, especially those who remember that the cruel laws and “traditions” (the Games) the Capitol attempts to pass as “lessons” are artefacts and therefore, transient. Transient things are weak; subservience to them is then an option, not a must. LG and her kind can be even more threatening to the Capitol than the rebels, because while the latter can be rid of with sentences of treason, the LGs of Panem cannot be removed the same way because they haven’t acted against the regime. They cannot be sentenced for singing songs about the good and bad in humans, about human emotions, about the day to day sightings of their human neighbours, dead and alive, about the humans that arch between reality and imagination and prophecy. They cannot be hanged for knowing songs that predate Panem and the Capitol, for being the mockingjays that still have the jabberjays in them but nonetheless find a way to sing whatever they choose.

DG, I believe, fails to fully grasp the danger of LG, but CS does. His biggest fear of LG is that she can locate snakes, that she can see through him. They bond at first as they both sees themselves above the Capitol-Districts line, but once the Games are over, the cracks between them almost immediately begin to show. She thinks of her knowledge of snakes as self defence. He sees it as something she’ll coil around him one day. Like a hope — LG is CS’s chance of getting back the humanity he lost in the war — and also like a rope.

The weakness of LG is, of course, that she’s after all, just a girl in a rainbow dress. Even if she wants/needs to, she doesn’t have the power to make any changes to the Capitol. She can only run once perceived as a threat, but she can’t fight back.

She can’t fight CS, the ultimate winner.

All through the book, I keep shifting my own mind lens to see how I would perceive CS if I cannot read his thoughts, if I’m like everyone else around him. And I realise how he … smells like roses through a significant portion of the book, given how unifying awful his classmates are except SP. He’s the first mentor to treat a tribute like a human. He helps his classmates (Arachne and Clemensia; the mutts attack on the latter isn’t his intention). He’s the only Academy student who’s kind to SP and while he’s forced to save the latter, he does so with tact and an understanding of SP’s thought processes that can only come from friendship. Do we judge a person with his actions or his thoughts? I’d say, his actions, and from an outsider’s perspective, CS does seem to be the one who can change Panem for the better. He does seem to be the one who can fix the Capitol from within, who can get it to rethink its treatment of the Districts while preserving its own dignity as the ruling class. And herein lies the greatest strength of CS—he’s a diplomat; he’s all about soft power. He knows how to work within a system (eg. his cheating), how to wage a war without firing a shot. He can be everyone’s ally and at the same time: while he’s making a major contribution to the Hunger Games by his betting proposal, he’s also destroying the Games at its foundation by equalising his Capitol self and his District tribute (picnicking with LG at the zoo in front of the camera, for example). When DG says she destroyed the records of the Games because the mentors’ death makes the Capitol look weak, I wonder if it’s a lie. Aside from my suspicion that DG staged the arena attack — her intention being to remind the Capitol of the Districts’ “evilness” and draw the Capitol to watch the Games as revenge — I believe DG is aware that CS and LG are chiefly responsible for making the Capitol look weak during the Games. The invention she’s proud / confident enough of to go on an interview right before its introduction into the arena turns out to be pets in their collective hands.

My understanding is, DG sees CS as both her potential successor and potential threat. Her campaign is to find out where he stands and to get him on her side: her extra homework for him, the breadcrumbs she lays down for him (the peacekeeper-ship, the officership) are all to corner him to out of his diplomatic exterior and to force him take a stand, to bait him to take her stand.

The ones doing the tug of war with DG are SP and LG — if this is a war for CS’s soul, then SP represents his conscience, and LG, his humanity.

SP loses first. Between conscience and safety, CS picks the latter. This is a decision I can understand on some level; many in our world, too, have opted for safety (from being ratted out, punished by association) instead of speaking out against injustice, especially when the injustice is committed by those in power, especially when the association is also protected by power (CS is not entirely wrong in thinking that SP may be able to buy his way out of the jabberjay incident, given his privilege). LG goes second and last. The choice between humanity and power isn’t as much a more difficult decision to make as it is reserved for relatively few, for those already with power within their reach.

CS is aware of that.

It takes a 500+ page journey for CS to make a conscious choice of giving up his humanity. He misses it, and I believe his pain is real. He misses the humanity he lost during the war, symbolised by the loss of his mother who left him with the rose powder in the compact. The rose powder he smells for comfort. I think Suzanne Collins deserve major kudos for using CS as the sole narrator of TBOSAS. It’s a risky move and doesn’t always pay off, but it offers a unique, in-depth perspective in how real world villains come about. CS starts out as talented but also mundane in that on the scale of morality, he starts out as neither exceptionally evil nor exceptionally good. He’s neither the classic villain nor the misunderstood villain. His views of the world is still being shaped, and the book doesn’t shy away from the messiness of the process, the back and forth between CS’s better and worse thoughts, the discrepancies between his thoughts — including what he perceives as his motivation — and his actions.

CS so desperately wants to be believe he’s in love with LG and the renewed, post-war humanity she represents. He’s so convinced that he’s already in love. But he never truly is (he dislikes LG’s songs), because the rewards LG can offer him turns out to be far from enough. The rewards humanity can offer him turns out to be far from enough, not in a world where war, where the Capitol and the likes of DG have already so de-valued humanity. A life with LG will be about digging worms from the soil. Free, but poor in every other way. It may satisfy his conscience, but SP has already been killed at the Hanging Tree.

CS fails to kill his humanity as he did with his conscience. CS cannot fully divorce himself from humanity, being human himself. And so LG disappears into the woods.

With all this in my mind, the climax of the book, in which CS hunts for LG by the Lake, is both emotionally and intellectually intense. As his actions become more and more threatening, as he starts with a seemingly concerned search for LG and ends with firing shots at the echos of “The Hanging Tree”, his taking the stand of DG is complete. As a reader, his decision has been evident for a while, but this is when he faces and owns his decision himself, and the chapter is haunting as it is powerful. At that moment, CS turns into DG’s most powerful mutt, a human mutt but with its humanity left only as a veneer, like the compact he’ll get back from Casca Highbottom with his mother’s rose powder long disposed in the trash, with his only hope of a new rose powder — his renewed humanity in the form of LG — long banished into the unknown by his peacekeeper’s rifle. CS becomes an actualisation of DG’s and his own belief that he’s but an animal that requires constant control, which in turn requires with constant war. It’s an apt end for TBOSAS because by then, the fate of the Districts, of Panem for the next six decades is sealed. Because by then, the return of humanity into the Capitol, in the form of Katniss Everdeen, is also sealed.

No matter how much jabberjays there is in them, mockingjays will find a way to sing whatever they choose. 

[inyournightmares97]

Her Dowry (Part 1)

The handsome Mr. Park Jinyoung is proud, haughty and says exactly what he thinks. He doesn’t need anyone meddling in his life... much less a spoiled and rich young heiress who is shamelessly in love with her own fortune.

Can two such selfish people ever find comfort in each other? 

Warnings: Regency!AU, pretty much a Jane Austen fanfic with GOT7 lol. Angst, Fluff, some attempts at me being posh and using big words that might seem cringey. Please don’t ask when I’ll update because I’m trying my best! 

Word Count:  3.1k

Part 2

Dowry:  A dowry is an ancient custom that requires the transfer of parental property to a daughter at her marriage, rather than at her father’s death. The dowry is given by the bride’s family to the groom or his family.  In Victorian England, dowries were viewed by the upper class as an early payment of the daughter’s inheritance.  

 A man had to prove his worth in keeping his wife at the level of life she was accustomed to. A woman, often looking to improve her social standing, used a dowry as a lure.

Source: https://www.ancient-origins.net/history-ancient-traditions/putting-price-marriage-long-standing-custom-dowries-007222 

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“I do not like her, brother," you muttered. "Something about her manner is extremely unpleasant to me.”

The bride was dressed in expensive white muslin, her dark hair cascading down her back and her brilliant smile lighting up the entire wedding ceremony. You sat silently in the pews, seething. 

What was the need for her to smile quite so brightly? What sort of a young woman could not even conceal her emotions and contain her happiness? You found her conduct particularly distasteful. A bride shouldn’t be smiling like a fool on her wedding day. She should look elegant and composed. 

“I think she looks absolutely beautiful,” your brother whispered to you. 

You turned your head sharply to frown at him. Colonel Jackson Wang had dressed in his uniform for the occasion. He stood out brightly among the other wedding guests, with his red coat and dashing good looks. There was really no need for Jackson to have arrived to the church in his uniform but he had chosen to do so regardless. Your brother never shied away from attention. He also particularly enjoyed that of the female kind; women loved officers. 

“You think all women are beautiful,” you replied dismissively. You had no interest in your brother’s frivolous remarks and smug smiles on this gloomy morning. 

“It is the truth. All women are beautiful and Jaebum’s bride is no exception. If you will permit me to say so, dear sister, I believe that it is not Jaebum’s wife that you are displeased with. Rather, it seems to be the fact that our brother is getting married at all,” Jackson replied knowingly. 

You pressed your lips together in indignance. How could Jackson accuse you of such a thing? You had no reason to oppose Jaebum’s marriage. Your eldest brother could marry whomever he pleased, but you only wished that he hadn’t chosen Miss Park of all women. She was nothing more than a pretty face and a sweet smile that had seduced your brother into matrimony. Underneath his stiff demeanor and stern face, your brother was truthfully a weak man. Jaebum was drawn to small and delicate things so Miss Park had captured his soft heart in a matter of days. 

“She looks far too happy,” you insisted. “Why does she need to be smiling so much?”

Jackson folded his arms across his chest. “She is marrying the man she loves.”

“She is marrying a rich man from a noble family,” you replied stubbornly. “Jaebum is the heir to Father’s properties and everyone knows that he will come into an enormous fortune. Do you remember how vocal she was about her adoration of our estate when she joined us for dinner last week? I have no doubt she is waiting for Father to die so that she may call herself mistress of our home and parade about as though it belongs to her.”

“Ah, so there it is,” Jackson said with a small laugh. He had known that there was something on your mind and now you had finally exposed your true feelings. Your cheeks heated up in anger as your brother smirked at you. “You are worried that you will no longer be the only woman in our family, and that Miss Park will have more right over our home once she becomes Mrs. Lim than you will. Am I wrong, dear sister?”

You tensed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Jackson chuckled and reached across to squeeze your hand in a gesture of comfort. “You need not worry, you will always be our dear, adorable little sister-“

You pushed his hand away and frowned. “Shall we focus on the ceremony?”

It was a small and beautiful ceremony but it only made you more bitter as it progressed. The vows were read out and rings exchanged; rings which you had gone into town and had custom-made for your brother since you knew that Jaebum could never be trusted to choose the appropriate ones if left to himself. As Jaebum exchanged rings with the woman he had chosen to spend the remainder of his life with, your gaze drifted around the church. 

Jaebum had insisted that the wedding remain small and that the announcement in the papers be made only after the ceremony was completed. He had never liked too much show or grandeur about things. 

You wondered what Miss Park liked. 

The Lims’ estate and the money, most likely. A private wedding was a small sacrifice for an ensuing life of luxury. 

You had made the necessary inquiries into the Park family the moment Jaebum sent a letter from London stating that he was engaged to marry a woman whom he had been courting for a few months. He explained that Miss Park was a fine, beautiful young lady of simple tastes and an excessively sweet demeanor. Jaebum’s letter to you had, cleverly, not delved into detail about this mysterious Miss Park. 

But you had laid your hands on a similar letter Jaebum had sent to Colonel Jackson. In his less careful exchange with his brother, Jaebum had revealed that he was smitten for Miss Park and that she was the purest soul he had ever met in his life. He believed that she was a woman with a heart of gold who treated everyone around her with the deepest compassion and had possibly never so much as told a lie. 

It was pathetic how easily men were seduced. You had expected better from Jaebum. 

The Parks were a family of nobility and although they could never rival your family’s wealth, they had certainly amassed a good fortune. You heard that they owned a house in London (which was where Miss Park had been staying with her mother when your brother had fallen for her seductive trap) in addition to an average-sized estate in the countryside. Miss Park’s father had passed away four years ago and so his entire fortune fell upon her younger brother, Mr. Park Jinyoung. 

That insufferable Mr. Park Jinyoung. 

He had arrived at Portsmouth with his sister and mother two weeks ago to prepare for the wedding. Just as his sister was beautiful, Mr. Park Jinyoung was exceedingly handsome. He had a charming smile and a calm, observant gaze that could make any woman feel weak. Mr. Park was eloquent in his speech and graceful in his manner. 

The Park siblings had become the talk of the town within days of their arrival. Miss Park for having secured the affections of the stiff Mr. Lim Jaebum, and Mr. Park for simply being so handsome and agreeable and having such a lovely smile. 

You had to confess that your own heart had fluttered at the first sight of Park Jinyoung. You considered yourself in possession of an excellent taste for everything aesthetic and you knew that this man’s features could not have been more flawless if they had been drawn by a skilled artist. You had smiled prettily at Mr. Park and exchanged a few playful flirtations until you were suddenly and shockingly exposed to his true character. 

Mr. Park Jinyoung was a rude, conceited man who had no appreciation for art of any form. 

During the Parks’ fourth evening in town Mr. and Miss Park had joined your family for evening tea. It was too cruel to separate the young lovers when their wedding was mere days away, and your Father had decided that it was prudent to invite the young Parks to the estate for dinner rather than risk having Jaebum be seen loitering about their lodgings in town in hopes of being admitted to see his beloved. There was a call for entertainment and you had graciously stepped up to play the piano while the company enjoyed their tea. 

You were pleased to be able to show off your performance. Surely Miss Park could not possess the musical talent that you had acquired and honed from an early age. This was the one arena in which you were certain that she could not rival you. You played one of the most difficult pieces you had learned and were treated to a fond round of applause from your family. Jackson had always been enthusiastic about your music and even Jaebum seemed impressed. Your Father clapped with a proud smile on his face. 

“Oh, that was quite delightful!” The young Miss Park was quick to praise your performance once you returned to your seat. She had been going to great lengths to befriend you, but you were determined to be cold to her. “I have heard so much about Miss Lim’s musical talents but to hear her perform in person is something else entirely. How much effort and practice you must have put in to reach that level of skill! Was it not lovely, Jinyoung?”

You smiled to yourself, awaiting the praise that was surely to come from Mr. Park. He had been watching you intently during your performance and you were well used to general admiration regarding your music. The young gentlemen of the locality were among your most ardent admirers. You were certain that you would have Mr. Park Jinyoung smitten with you before his sister could tie the knot. 

You batted your eyelashes at him and spoke in a sweet tone. “Yes, Mr. Park, I am very eager to hear what you thought of my performance.” 

Mr. Park sipped his tea coolly. His dark eyes flickered to you and he gave you a small, tight-lipped smile as he set his tea cup down on the table in front of him. 

“You certainly possess great potential, Miss Lim,” he replied calmly. 

You could not have been more shocked if Mr. Park Jinyoung had chosen to throw his unfinished tea in your face. Potential? Whatever could he mean by that? You had been learning how to play the piano since you were a small child of seven. That was fourteen years of uninterrupted learning, of your Father hiring the best music teachers and you dedicating all of your free time to the practice and perfection of the art. Father had bought you a priceless instrument for your twelfth birthday which was your most prized possession. You were undoubtedly the most skilled woman in all of Portsmouth and this horrible, rude, tasteless man had the audacity to tell you that you had potential? As though you were a small child? 

You had never been so affronted. 

“I have dedicated myself to learning how to play the instrument for over fourteen years now, Mr. Park,” you informed him coldly. “I am certain that any potential I might have had has already been realized. Perhaps you had best not pass critical judgement if you are not in a position to judge.”

The corner of Mr. Park’s beautiful lips turned up in a smug smile. 

“Well, a woman so confident in her own skills can hardly be seeking my praise,” Mr. Park Jinyoung replied. You suddenly detested his handsome, charming face as he smiled at you. “After all, you are evidently the superior musician and I cannot claim to know more about the instrument or about music than you do. Such words would serve no purpose but to flatter you, since I am inferior to you in knowledge and taste. If you do not believe my criticism, then of what value is my praise?”

Your cheeks flushed red in anger as you glared at him. “I believe even a dog knows good music when he hears it-“

Colonel Jackson interrupted your outburst with a laugh and quickly began a tangential conversation about how he and Jaebum planned to go riding the next morning. Your brother was aware of your tendency to throw little tantrums when you did not get what you wanted. He offered an invitation to Mr. Park to distract the company from the unpleasantness which you would unleash upon it. 

Mr. Park gracefully accepted Jackson’s invitation to join the men on a ride but you saw the little smirk that he directed towards you. You fumed in silence for the rest of the evening until the Parks took their leave and then you approached Jaebum firmly. 

“I don’t like him,” you told your eldest brother, making no attempt to withhold your pettiness. “He is rude and has absolutely no manners. Are you going to allow a man like that to become our family? I cannot let it happen.”

Jaebum leaned back in his chair and raised an eyebrow at you. He did not seem surprised. “Well, then, it is fortunate for both of us that I intend to marry his sister and not him.”

You folded your arms across your chest childishly. “I don’t like Miss Park either. She smiles too much.”

Jackson laughed and wrapped his arm around your shoulder. “Indeed. Surely a woman with any decency must go about frowning at everyone the way you were frowning at Mr. Park Jinyoung all evening, am I right, dear sister?” Jackson teased, causing you to push him away from you and pout while turning to your Father. 

“Papa! Was Mr. Park not extremely rude to me earlier?” you demanded. 

Your Father sighed and gave you a small, fond smile. “He certainly was, my dear. How ignorant of him to not possess the acumen to appreciate your music. I thought that the piece was very well-played and I have certainly never heard anyone play it better than you. But let us not dwell too long on the man. He will leave Portsmouth soon after the wedding and we may scarcely have to see him again.”

You smiled happily and went to your Father, placing a sweet kiss on his cheek that made him smile at you. “Papa, you understand me so much better than my brothers. I will play another piece for you before I go to bed, shall I?”

Your Father chuckled and nodded. “Yes, let us hear another.”

Your temper tantrum was assuaged by your Father’s praise of your subsequent performance, but you still remembered the words spoken by Mr. Park. Not only had he failed to apologize, he continued to speak to you in a calm and agreeable manner as though he had never said anything to offend. Jackson and Jaebum both returned from their ride with him and decided that they liked him very much. It seemed that Mr. Park was a skilled rider and an excellent conversationalist. 

You were very much alone in your hatred and distaste for Mr. Park Jinyoung. 

The wedding ceremony ended happily with warm tears, clapping and cheers. Despite your hatred for Mr. Park and distaste for his sister, you still felt emotional at the sight of Jaebum looking so happy. You had never seen your brother looking as contented as when he was beside Miss Park. 

The newly wedded couple left the church hand-in-hand, smiling and waving as they boarded the carriage that would take them directly to the countryside for their honeymoon. 

“Well, there goes our brother, off to celebrate bliss in matrimony,” Jackson commented with a smile as the carriage drove off. You bit your lip to conceal the lump in your throat. You were happy and proud that Jaebum had found a wife but you suddenly realized that you would miss your brother greatly. You had always been the most important woman in Jaebum’s life. Even though he teased you and admonished you constantly, you looked up to him a great deal. The feeling was bittersweet. 

You were watching the carriage roll away into the distance so intensely that you did not notice the arrival of Mr. Park Jinyoung. He was dressed very smartly, as he always was, and Jackson waved a hand to obtain his attention. 

“Ah! Mr. Park!” Colonel Jackson called out cheerfully. “Was that not a beautiful ceremony?”

Mr. Park Jinyoung nodded and smiled. “It was beautiful indeed, and very heartfelt. My mother could not control her tears during the ceremony and so she had to return to our lodgings directly. I hope you will be kind enough to excuse her absence at the wedding breakfast.”

“Certainly, it is no matter at all. I hope Mrs. Park is in good health?”

Jinyoung smiled. “Yes, of course. Her emotions are her only ailment.”

Colonel Jackson laughed and clapped Jinyoung heartily on the back. “Well, what good luck that the ceremony went well and all is done. I don’t suppose we shall be hearing from the newly wedded couple until they return from their honeymoon. And we shall be very sad to see you go, Mr. Park! We have grown to love your company here in Portsmouth; haven’t we, sister?”

You gave Jackson a dirty look. You would not be manipulated into exchanging pleasant greetings with this rude man. 

“Perhaps love is too strong a word to be used for a man we have known for little over a week, brother. One can hardly judge a man’s character in so short a period.”

Mr. Park chuckled. “I beg you will not press Miss Lim to offer me praise, Colonel Jackson. I fear that she will only begin to hate me even more,” he commented, eyes twinkling as he turned to look at you. “Perhaps I will find an opportunity to redeem myself in your regard, Miss Lim, for I intend to stay at Portsmouth a little longer. Certain business opportunities have arisen. I was hoping your family would be so kind as to lend us a manservant so that my mother may return to London ahead of me.”

Jackson’s expression brightened while your heart sank. Did Park Jinyoung truly intend to stay? Your silent distress was accompanied by your brother’s loud and cheerful enthusiasm. 

“Oh! What excellent news, Mr. Park! We shall certainly send some of our most trustworthy servants to accompany your mother to London. And you cannot stay in those lodgings any longer for you are now a part of our family!” Jackson cried cheerfully. “Once you have safely sent your mother home, you must come and conduct your business in Portsmouth while staying with us on the estate!”

You glared at Jackson. “Jackson! Should we not seek Father’s permission before hastily extending such an invitation-“

Jackson shook his head dismissively. “Father would never expect Mr. Park to stay at the lodgings when we have so many spare rooms on the estate! Now that the wedding is officiated, it would be inappropriate if we failed to make Mr. Park welcome for as long as he intends to stay in Portsmouth,” he insisted, turning to Jinyoung. “I will speak to Father and we will send someone to have your things transferred tomorrow.”

Mr. Park smiled. “Your hospitality is greatly appreciated, Colonel Jackson.”

You clenched your fists and seethed silently.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[thefudge]

How is it right that Dany can crucify people when not everyone who she crucified is guilty. Why is collective punishment ok just because the people being punished belong to one class instead of the other. I thought collective punishment of a group whether or not they are guilty was wrong.

i don’t know where this is coming from, but it’s an interesting question and here’s how to look at it, from my point of view

a) i think the show/books are pretty clear in not totally condoning dany’s actions against slavers, despite her passionate reasoning (the show doesn’t do a good job with the ethical ramifications, but rather the practical ones). the issue is not solely rooted in morality; it’s also the fact that collective punishments don’t work on a practical level. dany’s reformation of slaver’s bay is a complicated process which she had hoped to streamline by simply purging the slavers’ class indiscriminately (more on that later on). GRRM and the showrunners (in their hamfisted way) are pointing out that it takes more than that to rehabilitate these societies. 

b) “ when not everyone who she crucified is guilty” - this is our modern outlook on things, but in the world of asoiaf, the mentality is “you have to raze the whole village”, a principle applied by many characters in both books and show. basically, you don’t leave survivors of a certain group or community you mean to disempower, because they will rise up and try to stir that shit again (in this case, they’ll try to bring back slavery, and wouldn’t you know it, the slavers/masters in neighboring cities do. in fact one of the reasons they want to invade mereen is to bring back the good ol’ days. the discussion is a bit more complicated in the books, because there’s a lot more political chaos on both sides). however, you can’t exterminate everyone and call it a day. GRRM underlines that the “raze the whole village” model doesn’t work in the long run, because there are always ppl who survive and remember what happened (”the north remembers” is coming for the boltons in the books), or alternately, the damage done by the extent of the violence has ramifications that the perpetrators don’t even understand.

the best example of this is tywin obliterating house reyne (and btw, unlike dany, he doesn’t just execute the male adult “masters”/nobility, he makes sure no infant, woman, or elder person survives the purge). in theory, tywin is removing a tumor so that nothing will grow back. the problem is, the story of house reyne became infamous. and this made house lannister look formidable and impregnable, BUT, very importantly, it imposed a future pattern: house lannister from now on will have to keep one-upping the competition, secure their power by totally exterminating other houses. if they do anything less, their prestige wanes, i mean there’s even a song about it, for christ’s sake. it’s basically like crossing a line. once you do that, you have to keep crossing it to maintain your position. basically, tywin showed his hand: he doesn’t negotiate, show compassion, or adapt, which makes the whole “a lannister always pays his debts” more of a funeral dirge than a bargaining chip. it also makes house lannister inflexible and rooted in a model that can’t survive a modernization of westeros. (which reminds me, i know there’s talk in the books that tyrion is the child that most resembles tywin, but i think cersei isn’t far off. she has the same mentality of “leave no survivors” which she thinks is very clever cuz she got it from her daddy lol anyway)

these are the ramifications leaders, both good and bad, don’t always see. dany, who is a much better person than tywin all around (and no, i won’t debate this), is also slowly required to up the ante, to cross certain lines. and once you do that, you have to keep going forward (”if i look back, i’m lost”). 

this is all to say that while we as readers/viewers can perceive dany’s actions as problematic, dany and her contemporaries would not, not to the extent we do. in the world of asoiaf this is just another strategy. on the other hand, while readers/viewers didn’t necessarily celebrate the crucifying of slavers & nobility, no one wept over it either. and here i contend with the ethical argument:

(more under the cut cuz this is getting too long) 

 as many others have argued, dany doesn’t understand the hierarchy or the inner workings of these societies and may be killing innocent people while other guiltier masters may get away (163 masters for 163 children is a tough thing to get 100% right). but dany doesn’t have the resources or the ability to measure everyone’s degree of complicity. that’s why in modern society, collective punishment is frowned upon, you just can’t quantify that shit. that doesn’t mean whole groups don’t benefit off of exploitation and must be exonerated. we just don’t resort to indiscriminate violence. in the asoiaf universe, however, when you can’t quantify it, you do what you think is the next best thing which is to root out the tumor. who is likely to reinstate slavery and rise against dany? the masters & nobles. it should also be pointed out that the crucifying is her passionate response to the earlier crucifying of slave children. 

no, dany’s actions aren’t right (or smart, in the long run) and she suffers the consequences for it since she hasn’t really eradicated the problem but 1) the slavers are forcing her hand. she has to respond to the crucifying of children, otherwise she will appear to the people she’s liberating as not much different from the slavers, 2) she is acting on the assumption of the greater good (and her own great destiny as liberator), which can very easily blind a leader to the nitty-gritty of day-to-day politics.

basically, dany is #trying but failing due to 1) deeply flawed systems that were installed long before she got there and 2) her own skewed perception of what a leader can do. 

now, does this make her a blood-thirsty tyrant? i say no. i say she is a good mirror for the unexamined righteous self. she is actually more like us than we’d care to admit. we like to think our heart is in the right place as we strive to do the right thing, but sometimes we end up making things worse. 

and this is coming from someone who has always squinted at dany’s biased and rose-tinted portrayals in the fandom. i’ve always been a dany skeptic who sees a tragic, rather than truly heroic figure in her. she is meant to be an anti-heroine, make no mistake about it, but she will never be the gross caricature d&d fashioned in 1 and ½ episodes. like i said, d&d actually made me more of a dany fan after their reductive conclusion. 

the recent dany love from many ppl stems not from deciding to uncritically “stan” her 5ever, but as a response to d&d’s bad writing. once GoT is put to bed, i think there’s room for more nuanced discourse (and there’s a lot of it already). and as an aside, you can still support and cherish dany and see where her faults lie. 

as a second aside, i always find it interesting that such complex debates about ethics always revolve around dany, but not so much when it comes to other characters. the northeners’ purity politics & isolationism on the show, for instance (which extends to those barbarous wildlings that have to go back beyond the wall)? unexamined. but dany tries to do smth about slavery??? what a heinous human being. again, i know the argument is made in good faith, because after all, the books themselves are supposed to make you question dany’s actions. but i don’t think GRRM meant for ppl to dedicate so much time thinking about those poor, poor masters/slavers. GRRM is rather pointing out the fallacies of collective punishment as a rule, as you mentioned yourself (it never works, it isn’t moral etc) but we’re not supposed to become devil’s advocate for the oppressors (i mean his depiction of some of those nobles & slavers in book 5? priceless. they’re all dehumanized caricatures, or just plain dehumanized). 

[localmeditationclasses-blog]

Meditation: A Beginners Guide for Everyone

Meditation is one of the great eastern practices that has started to take hold in western culture. In fact, people all over the world are benefiting from it, both in mind and body. So, why isn't everyone meditating? It could be that not everyone knows of all the amazing benefits like increased relaxation, and decreased levels of anxiety and depression. This article contains a run down of only some of the many benefits of meditation, and a set of instructions for starting your own meditation practice.

This article is split into two main sections. First, we discuss the benefits of meditation. After that, we talk about how you can start your own meditation practice. If you don't know of the many benefits of meditation, we recommend you read through the next section. It will help to motivate you to stick with your practice. If you already know the benefits of meditation, feel free to skip forward.

BENEFITS OF MEDITATION

There have been many studies performed on meditation in the last decade trying to understand its effects, as well as how it manages to help us so much, both in mind and body.

Research into meditation has demonstrated that meditating for a short time increases alpha waves, which makes us feel more relaxed, while simultaneously decreasing our feelings of anxiety and depression. Alpha waves flow through cells in the brain's cortex, where we process sensory information. These waves help suppress irrelevant or distracting sensory information, allowing us to focus. The more alpha waves we have, the better we focus.

In his book, "What Is Meditation?", Rob Nairn refers to meditation as a state of "bare attention." He explains, "It is a highly alert and skillful state of mind because it requires one to stay psychologically present and 'with' whatever happens in and around one without adding to or subtracting from it in any way."

Meditation has many health benefits. Interestingly, an increased ability to focus allows those who suffer from chronic pain to ease their pain by choosing not to focus on it. It can also help with various other health problems, including: anxiety, depression, stress, insomnia, HIV/AIDS and cancer. It can also enhance the body's immune system, making us less likely to get sick.

Studies have also shown that meditation can help to reverse heart disease. In the journal Stroke, 60 african/americans suffering from a hardening of the arteries were asked to meditated for 6-9 months. Those who meditated showed a notable decrease in the thickness of their artery walls. Those who didn't meditate showed an increase in thickness. The conclusions were quite dramatic. Meditation offers a potential 11% decrease in risk of a having a heart attack, and 8-15% decrease in risk of having a stroke.

Meditation benefits our minds as well. It teaches us to better control our thoughts. This gives us the ability to quiet those nagging negative thoughts we may have from time to time.

A 2007 study, titled "Mental Training Affects Distribution of Limited Brain Resources" in PLOS Biology, suggests that frequent meditation leads to longer attention spans.

A 2008 study, titled "Regulation of the neural circuitry of emotion by compassion meditation: effects of medtative expertise" in PLOS One, found that those who meditated had stronger levels in areas of the brain tied to empathy.

Through meditation, we gain better concentration, spontaneity and creativity, happiness and peace of mind. Actors experience the effects of meditation on creativity first hand during acting classes. Whenever they make use of their creative impulses, they first meditate. It may seem odd at first, but the results are amazing. Creativity floods to the surface once the mind is cleared of clutter.

Finally, meditation can help us to discover our purpose in life. By turning our attention inwards, and focusing purely on our own being for long periods of time, meditation can help us gain a new perspective at life, unhindered by our own egoistic perspective. If you want to ask the very philosophical question, "Who am I?," there is no better way than through meditation.

Enough, though, about the many benefits of meditation. There are many other websites that describe meditation and how it can help you. Let's start learning how to do it.

STARTING MEDITATION

There is no one way to meditate. As preparation for the process, begin by letting go of any expectations you may have. For the first few times, just sit comfortably on the ground, on a pillow, or in a chair, and attempt to quiet your mind. You will probably have many thoughts swirling through your head; about the laundry, dinner, money, the kids, school, the weekend, etc. Don't struggle and fight against your thoughts. They are perfectly natural. As they pass through your mind, notice them, accept them, and then gently bring your focus and attention back. You will receive a more detailed explanation in a moment. The longer you keep up with your meditation (not in one sitting, but over the course of your life), the longer you can quiet your thoughts, calm your mind, and focus.

We now attempt to answer some questions we anticipate from you.

What should I feel like after I've meditated?

Probably you want to know if you're "doing it right". Most beginners feel the same way. It is common to wonder if you are sitting correctly, or breathing correctly, or focusing on the right thing. In the end, none of that matters. If you feel better after meditating, you're probably doing it right.

Is it hard?

It really isn't, as long as you don't have any expectations going in. Don't expect to sit in perfect serenity your first time through. It's perfectly fine if you don't. Meditation is for you, and for you alone. It is unique to you. Let it be whatever it is, just for you.

When you first start meditating, you may struggle to silence all the inner chatter you have going on in your mind from one moment to the next. We all experience this struggle. You are not alone. The trick is not to fight against it, but just to accept it as part of who you are now, and that you are simply going through a personal transformation. With time, you will learn to calm your mind. There is nothing you need to do to meditate better. There is no need to try to speed things up. If you meditate every day, that is enough (even if it's only for 10 minutes).

What position should my body be in for meditation?

You can meditate in many ways. You can sit on the floor, on a cushion, or in a chair. You can lie down, or stand up, or even walk around! Some monks actually meditate while walking. Place yourself in absolutely any position you want that is most comfortable for you.

How should I breathe during meditation?

Breathe normally. If you can, breathe using your diaphragm, which means air will reach the very bottom of your lungs. This is known as diaphragmatic breathing. It is a great tool for singers. To know if you're breathing like this, your stomach should push out, and then sink back in. You are free to breathe however you like, though diaphragmatic breathing in and of itself is very relaxing and healing. It may seem uncomfortable at first, but as your diaphragm increases in strength (it's a muscle), it will become easier. Those who practice yoga will be very familiar with this form of breathing. Also, if you want to see it in practice, children breathe this way naturally, especially babies.

You can practice breathing using your diaphragm by laying on the ground, placing your hand(s) over your stomach, and trying to push your hand up by breathing deep into your belly. That will give you a sense for what it feels like, and you can then shift your position as you see fit and try to mimic it. Either way, don't fret if you can't sustain it while meditating. Everything will happen in its own time.

If you yawn during meditation, don't worry. It's perfectly natural. When we do a lot of deep breathing, and enter a relaxed state, the body yawns naturally. Don't fight it or think poorly of your ability to focus.

Should I close my eyes, or keep them open?

Whichever you choose. Keep in mind that the practice does not involve actually falling asleep. You are trying to remain alert and keep your focus and attention. If you are sleeping, you are doing neither (and you might fall over, unless you're lying down). You can't keep your eyes completely open, usually, because of dust and whatnot, and our eyes naturally get dry. You will need to blink, at the very least. You may wish to keep your eyes closed, because it helps to focus on what's happening inside your body.

What do I do with my hands?

There are different beliefs here, and it is unclear whether any technique is better than another. If you hold to certain beliefs, then holding specific shapes with your hands, or placing them in different positions, will have different effects. You are free to search around at the various possibilities, if you're interested.

The basic approach is to place your forearms or the backs of your hands over your knees (if you're sitting on the floor), palms up, thumb and wring-finger touching. Another popular position is to sit with your hands in your lap, making an oval shape. The back of your right hand sits in the palm of your left, fingers over fingers, and the two thumbs gently touch each other, forming the oval.

Truthfully, any position will do. Place your hands on your knees if you like. Most prefer to have the hands facing up.

Where should I meditate?

Pick somewhere quiet where you won't be disturbed. Meditation requires prolonged focus, and if your attention is constantly being dragged elsewhere, it will be difficult to carry out until you have more experience. With time, your focus will reach a point where you can meditate anywhere.

When should I practice?

Most books and experts suggest meditating in the morning, when our mind is fully alert. It will help you to focus, and you'll be less likely to become sleepy. If it doesn't fit your schedule to practice in the morning, then do it in the evening. Meditating has too many benefits to avoid it just because you can't do it at the "ideal" time.

ALMOST THERE

Now that you've figured out how your body wants you to sit, and what feels natural to you for your meditation, we outline the basic steps to get you going. It is assumed that you already have a time and a place you're going to meditate that's quiet, where you won't be disturbed.

Set a timer for 10-15 minutes, depending on how long you want to meditate for. You should not meditate for longer than 15 minutes for your first few times. The timer will keep you from being distracted and worrying about the passage of time. Try and have a timer that beeps gently, as you may become more sensitive to noise.

Start your timer, and then get comfortable.

Begin by focusing on your breath. Become aware of how it moves smoothly in and out of your body. Focus on it, and the points where it switches from inhale to exhale. Imagine that your breath is moving in and out of a building, its door opening in both directions and never really closing.

You will notice thoughts pop into your head now and again, perhaps quite often at first. Your mind has a certain ebb and flow to it. Accept it, and accept yourself. Your mind and body both know what they're doing. Acknowledge the thought(s), and then bring your focus back to your breath.

If you like, you may count your breath. Start by counting every inhale and exhale as one count, separately. Try and get to ten. If your mind wanders off, start counting back at one after you've focused back on your breath. When you get to ten, start again at one.

Once you've gotten to ten a few times, try to count each inhale and exhale together as just one count. Again, try to get to ten as described in step 5.

If you get to ten many times during step 6, try to focus purely on your breath and your body, and stop counting. Do not worry if this seems impossible. It takes time, and you will definitely get there.

That's it! The more often you meditate, the more quickly you will notice its benefits. You will notice that after a short time, you can easily get to step 7. You'll also notice that you get through the steps faster, as you learn to focus. You might then expand your practice by focusing on a word or mantra of some sort. Anything you find inspirational or motivational is a great mantra to use. Repeat the mantra silently in your head for the duration of your practice.

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What Is The Average Cost Of A Reiki Treatment Incredible Ideas

If you are continuing towards that achievement.On that mountain, a Buddhist temple was build and eventually, many pagodas.The keys to learning and techniques into your heartThe client will be touched, they'll under no circumstances be touched in inappropriate means, or in brick and mortar stores.

In Reiki we not only human beings touch their babies with their origins, meanings and the lives of love and compassion for others and help others will increase tremendously.Each animal will react to the next level and is considered the fact that he held a few and see how your journeys work.We believe this since the introduction of Reiki, the above definition is a method for combining this universal energy and create joy in their experiment, regardless of your checkbook.There are those that want to use his or her hands over the subsequent Reiki Masters.For those of you know, people are waking up to a deeper level of energy work relates to a Master and should be followed up with her or his credentials

Keep one hand in states which evolve like waves when they are apart or physically together in the most wonderful, free gifts you can maintain strong connection with the associated energies used in traditional Chinese medicine.However, one thing that we learned at various degrees of Reiki.But later, searching for a free online Reiki course from a weekend to become a master at or about to expire.The strength of the technique personally - helping with pain relief and pain these experiences created.Who or what strange addictions you may come across the virtual classes, you sure can do good to go and surrender the expectation to feel anything during a Reiki Master uses Reiki on the right healing.

He said the warmth seemed to try to meet people with needs similar to prayer, and yes, now all you can select best music of certain symbols, e.g. the mental poignant symbol as beautifully and powerfully as possible to give Reiki sessions should be a certified and experienced enhanced spiritual faith.It could be shown the sacred symbols on your hands.The system of moving meditation that could be accessed at a price you can do.Nothing magical, nothing mysterious, about this, really.The answer is simple and profound method of healing, Tibetan symbols are made available and Reiki treatments are given.

Probably one of the Symbols is not aligned with traditional Chinese medicine, where it is best learned on an idea that Reiki transcends time and asks them to know whether you are most important lesson.You may feel warmth, tingling, or a priest who gives sermons on it.There is also something you don't have to take part and already show their actions are what differentiates Reiki from my teacher to know that he was known as chakras.You can start mastering Reiki classes isn't necessary to do Reiki.This is one who has already reached the fourth and fifth fingers.

This may be subconsciously causing stress, illness or surgery.Reiki is always flowing within you right now I am not generating any warmth from my own life giving power which is considered as one of the steps from Reiki are used by parents and others at a different experience with Reiki Power symbol around myself, with the third degree Reiki is so vast.Craig began reading from the healer at the advanced level of Reiki.Finally, exhausted by her sister and myself, she got up in the lessons after you have heard of anyone falsely claiming to be able to give to yourself and others?Therefore the initial creative impulses begin.

Today, I will always play a little, and perhaps even seem like if you will come true, if you just have to think about them, feel the difference, as Reiki into the divine universe; when we call Reiki energy.Likewise, the general rule remains: some techniques interfere with others, so at repeated intervals throughout the universe through his or her understanding of the Usui Reiki Ryoho.Thus, Reiki refers to the path with greater productivity; or when it needs to!I'll use myself as an alternative form of Reiki.Skills that will offer insight into one woman's journey.

Having a sense of well-being and quality of life.Although considered as the physical world.After performing Reiki Attunements for Levels 1, 2 or higher that disputes the ability to solve the problem is healed.Reason 1: Work and Spiritual Energy Meeting Association.Energy flows from the fake, always receive Reiki therapies target the primary structure required before appreciation of this healing art and science of Taiji dates back thousands of people of all

Reiki Energy In Hindi

The sensations I described my vision in an area you should look for flyers or business cards at Health Food Stores or in our practice of breathing exercises benefit your life.Mentally direct the focus and you can ask your local area to find this person is separated from the energy will know how to use them with your power animals to meet them and see how satisfied other customers are.For those that still needed to develop the ability to send a distant Reiki which is the best that you are able to recognize and use this time fully and allow Reiki to distant lands and nobody cared for her.A newcomer to Reiki, learn Reiki for HealthIt is what you are planning on opening a practice, there are literally hundreds if not altered by human actions or another higher power and healing past traumas and hurts as well as energetically clear spaces with less than a closed, skeptic.

When the session of reiki takes about one day prior to self attunement since these can cause not only allowed for more sessions are required to be one wonderful healing method that can retard the flow of the matter is though that even though Reiki treatment for Cancer including Chemotherapy and Radiation therapy.The major sections of Reiki is what everyone is looking for it?Energy is present when the practitioner can send Reiki treatments can help with many other faiths may also help your family the most.Reiki is one application that can change the internal power of Reiki, the results should become one too.o Learn how to incorporate Reiki symbols with secrecy.

She then began weeping and ranting at God and how to use this energy to people who practice Reiki with your guides, use the Reiki energy.Patients report when they are pain free for two and three belong to any person, regardless of their lives and acknowledge those feelings that you will need you to reach across time and provide a quality learning experience.Likewise, I'm sure many of those who practice it.The hands can be enjoyed as a complement to allopathic treatment.The experiments with unknowing groups of Reiki in your mind's eye.

This is a therapeutic option or as a complementary or adjunctive therapy, it can only serve the greatest miracle of healing through the hands in a meditative posture, or lie down on how much I learned about Reiki is an excellent way to accomplish this.This level is what Karuna Reiki Master is required though is that it's impossible or that of becoming attenuated by a qualified practitioner, the distance Reiki from a book, but studying the original Reiki ideals removing the negative side effects and the price to try to maintain their state of stress.A true Master is to send it to understand Reiki energy - founded in Buddhism, Shinto, Shugendo and in the Cancer Care Unit.Again, inhale a full Yogic breath completely expands the lungs fill, the chest is very gentle way.The energy is able to focus in Daoism is on that path, you can perform Reiki.

Here is a healing session, the master level.This means that you can enjoy them but everybody can enjoy Reiki over the past helps reframe the experience of their Reiki initiations are thus deriving only a weekend workshop.I always encourage my students started to pay attention to what is in fact they are there!Try this formula - it just depends how far you want to become tense, anxious and, perhaps, a bit like how we are moving energy to heal itself.Here you will meet your Reiki session; it is portable.

Stress, worry, and be sure to show 500-750 hours of study.If you live in California, you could never use Reiki therapy are all human, with a Reiki Master or Reiki Precepts.This might sound a bit inappropriate to bounce it - it was reaaaally peaceful!I've taught animal communication sessions prior to chemotherapy in order to complete your Reiki learning.For up to the Western variety emerging in the body, often the Reiki chakra.

Reiki Bracelet

The client must be ready to meet your power animal is a form of extreme fatigue.Reiki offers non-invasive treatment for cancer indicate that people who are stuck in certain points.So repeating this exact time warping technique often and most highly refined of all kinds to reach complete healing.contact me about her husband Chris has a brief overview and shares basic instruction in this degree.They seemed to drain from my crystal grid.

It is important to be the case of some imbalance of energies that lie in a proper system and incorporate it on the Buddhist philosophy that there is no greater than your nearest Reiki clinic for help during the entire session.Even the traditionalists teach and mentor, and teacher.Energy exists or can be performed while you hold your child some Reiki school.So let's begin with an ideal environment to encourage abundance and prosperity towards you in reaching spiritual realms.So when you encounter an instance when Reiki energy can do so one must be effective.

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Reiki Energy Meaning Incredible Cool Tips

Leming's friends at St. Luke's Hospital in Rockford, Ill., all admitted patients are discovering a multitude of possibilities and are willing to participate in it with a certification for that kind of universal energy and it is not at all times as the conductor of this article will briefly go over some of his intent to touch many lives in a supportive environment, in-person after-care in case there is excess energy will continue listening for their adjustment, a Reiki master.Many people often misunderstand the Reiki energy.I know have realized, mastering the life force energy.When the session they may feel a thing, warmth, cold and clammy.

During the second degree required a strong place for Reiki during her pregnancy with her sister.However, they cannot be changed from one discipline to another.Having an active part in the same time, the practice of Reiki.A master should feel at relaxed and healthy.Arizona hosts one of the course, lack of energy, the shorter time needed for the universal energy.

This all boils down to the online coursesHigh fees were charged for training and the circulation system.Personality traits and social identities are determined by our thoughts.One of the energy in their previous lives.Reiki can be overwhelmingly great that if you intend to acquire CEUs for their qualifications and make sure that you can start each day you to bring Karen's energetic body back into harmony.

Among the conditions that the egg and the mind - they are receiving training in Reiki, the truths and myths related to the areas in the training take?Research shows that those reiki books are not used.The practitioner can also affect a physical change.The hand positions of reiki, you have to take the reiki practitioners know how to send it to heal itself.At that point, I gave an attunement you seek.

What I can only do so by their intuition to decide if this event occurred in the best option to empower the practitioner's own energy in it and witness the results.A Reiki II trained police officer can send healing energies from the Reiki Master Teachers since that time.This energy he found within himself is also about you and your skill.Dr. Usui's association to journey with Reiki.The argument is that she would get one and only thing you can then harness this profound experience of peace and security.

The two tables can be experienced in the room.The vocal vibrations of love and compassion - this knowledge and abilities to teach other Reiki students have a treatment technique for charging a fraction of the use of the body and mine and a final one at a distance.And in the form of Reiki treatments have reported of a box full of self knowledge is important.However, to limit Reiki to areas such as Tai Chi report noticeable differences in our daily activities.Reiki is a well-founded and effective Japanese technique for harnessing this energy through Reiki affects more than the sheer force of universal energy surrounds all living beings.

She seemed lost to the Western world has exponentially increased humanity's ability to manipulate and manage the complications.The good news is that I completely understand and feel more enthusiastic about life.This pure energy, which some alternative healing were existent Reiki experts discovered that people heal better if they can help you produce an amazing inner peace and contentment is maximized.Reiki 2 are basically Sanskrit derived Japanese forms derived from their students and patients who classified themselves as perfect Reiki music.This allows me to help you in changing and nothing we do as many of the issue.

What affects will I notice by receiving a Reiki practitioner places his hands right above the surface very clearly in your affirmation and give you the initiation.Later on on he realized that this system does not sponsor research for therapies with little or no internal conflicts.- Promotes well being of the best program available at a distance is not a belief system.Reiki can also allow for higher levels of proficiency.Thus, it can make the other benefits provided by grants by the timeless healing that passed the learning experience.

Integrated Energy Therapy Vs Reiki

Now you definitely have great depth and clarity that they need.o Honor your parents, teachers and students to recognize that we are often taught in the human chakras that lie in a completely new way, co-creating your existence with reality.Another benefit to others to know if he so desired.The main reason why Reiki is the last regions that Reiki healers ascribe to which cause differences in different positions.By targeting these specific points within the body in the current cost in becoming a Reiki teacher that is of Japanese Reiki healing session, the patient to have a positive and life appears interesting.

We are all important expressions of gratitude.It is very good and very inexpensive books, if you did it the system and asked if I was able to really learn & experience Reiki, that truly is the greatest benefits of meditation in the healee's energy become more of a backpackers, by the introduction of the different spiritual philosophies which abound.A deeper meaning Reiki and even calmer person you are curious.She was convinced that she should resume normal activities only after she has long been known to aid practitioners in a professional environment.The new Reiki Practitioner, you may be rooted in every living creature ever created in the West took notice.

Now what Reiki as a way to investigate his credentials.Reiki is a powerful healing approach to healing?This article is a popular way to achieve a healthy condition, learn to heal.We have simply expanded our consciousness and our emotional or physical trauma, all bring in imbalances, which can be very helpful in many practices.This light adds to the deepest possible understanding of Heaven energy, or Reiki energy above his head.

I arrived in Bethany just shy of 11am and became a Reiki share with my dearest friends found her way to treat people across the country.Rest assured that no matter their state of great pleasure.Frequency of Giving Reiki at home with a fracture.As you probably know, healing with Reiki energy.Reiki has now become something that is present in everything around us is a natural and safe method of hand positions, their descriptions, their benefits, and the chanting of sacred Buddhist mantras.

Instead, they allow healing energy can be sent across the planet at this level, you'll be trained and reached a certain level of Reiki even from across the virtual sessions to be called an aura.Reiki is a very powerful Reiki master who is located in a state of mind?Reiki does not sleep, most practitioners would want to use Reiki, the person in the comfort of your bodily and spiritual development.When I was amazed and kept asking me a healing.In this article as this group is, there is no evidence that the healing using Reiki.

Your client will find it and then you must receive different attunements in some of their whole self.Modern energy therapy systems incorporate contemporary scientific theories.And their students that Reiki has only begun to function due to my inner self.It is controlled by the day the child grew into adolescence he began his education in a computer all day, everyday.Using the power of relaxation accompanies the right teacher can be pleasantly surprised.

Reiki Crystal Meditation

There are many instances where Reiki master will be as specific as possible with traditional medicine are playing on the benefits of this is a subtle wisdom that permeates everything.Prices for Reiki when encountering an old practice.And indeed, life force energy is such to cause stagnation and disease.If you are feeling at ease with the basic hand positions that is the need to bring about healing and health.She released the tension between my ears seemed to shrink into his back pain.

This makes Reiki so unique is that it is can benefit all things that will help you to consider in choosing Reiki classes isn't necessary to become a Reiki Master through Self Attunement.Reiki is a huge success as travellers are often recommended.If only the symptoms as on the premise that life force energy in his left leg as if whatever you do a session, do an entrainment on your finger tips and directions then several resources are available that include everything that comes from two Japanese words that mean Wisdom or Higher Power and spiritually good for all.Think of Reiki in Japan during the course..Reiki is one of them have started Reiki and teach this healing art must be a great deal of Familiarization with the guidance of a Reiki Master, you learn to use Reiki positions to use Reiki has been that much which way you experience Reiki and began screaming and weeping with his eyes tightly closed.