#a little quality time before everything went downhill

[mauvearts]

Míriel showing her son how Vardas stars lit the birth of the Quendi.

no no no don’t tell me Míriel passed away basically right after she gave birth to Feanor! dont take this away from me 😭

[ozdicaff]

INTRODUCING: CHILDRENS SHOW AU!

WAY too excited to share these guys !!!! im super proud of these designs <3

CTS!Y/n and information about the AU under the cut!

In this AU, FazCo is a company running a TV channel network called FazBS, where each animatronic has their own show!

Sun's show airs at mornings and is all about getting energized and hyped up for the day, its similar to LazyTown with it's cartoon-esc violence and slapstick humor, with scenarios that make little sense, but are entertaining to watch anyway! only very simple language is used to make everything understandable for younger kids, with cameos of the other animatronics! his show was extremely popular, just above Roxy's and below Monty's in popularity.

Moon's show airs around bedtime and is focused on getting kids to go to sleep, with a soothing music box soundtrack, Moon's trance-inducing voice, and more advanced dialogue that makes kids zone out, its known for how fast it puts kids to sleep, even the especially rambunctious ones fall asleep out of boredom. While his show wasn't as talked about nor popular as sun's, it was highly rated among parents.

[descriptions for the glamrocks' shows will be added later when i draw refs for them too! :D]

Well, that was before the entire channel went downhill after FazCo fired all of its human workers.

Yeah, despite the channel's success and being extremely profitable, this was the FazCo's end-game from the start. Being able to AI-generate children's content without having to pay a single human, FazCo thought that their animatronics have already learnt enough from being show hosts for more than 10 years now, but they thought wrong. The gradual decline in quality was felt by the parents, and after Bonnie's show was suddenly cancelled- even the kids noticed how bad things were getting.

[psst, i'll go into detail about how each show was effected by this change in another post!]

Parents called in, demanding the shows they grew up with to be good again, and it wasn't just nostalgia speaking.

So, in an uncharacteristic turn of events, FazCo responded! They said that Freddy's, Monty's, Roxy's and Chica's shows were going to have human staff again!

...what they neglected to mention, was that they were pulling funding from Foxy's show, and cutting Sun's and Moon's budget in half to make up for this change.

Sun now has to re-use and repurpose old props to make up for his inability to get new ones, buying with his now super limited budget cheap D.I.Y kits to make crafts with- not to mention, without having any human staff around, he had to play every sound effect in real time- because the new S.T.A.F.F bots FazCo got have ZERO idea what comedic timing is. Needless to say he was under a lot of pressure, his show was pretty well liked by both kids and parents, and he didn't want to disappoint them. He had to change a lot with the absence of human actors and no narrator to have a solid dynamic with, calling on his pal Chica often jus to have another person on the show.

Moon's show however, was doomed from this change. Y'see, his show featured a narrator, posing as a curious soul and asking Moon thoughtful questions he can answer in a way kids can digest, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood style, and with no off-screen voice he can respond to, Moon's show felt incredibly eerie, as his true thoughts were left free with no guidance from his narrator buddy. He started acting stranger and stranger, going on derailed existential tangents accidentally, making a few jabs at FazCo here and there from frustration. The kids didn't understand any of it, but the parents found it off-putting, and complained.

Eventually, Moon's show was put on a permanent hiatus, after a particularly bad episode where 'moon truly let his rising anger at FazCo loose', as an article described it. No recording was archived of this episode, and any attempts to post it is quickly struck down by FazCo.

They've re-run old episodes of his show for about 6 months now, with no sign of moon coming back.

This, however, is when Y/N comes in! after half a year of dwindling ratings of sun's show, and decreasing profits in merch sales, they caved in and hired a single narrator! after not being able to retrieve their old narrator, due to "a small disagreement."- they brought you, surely, they don't expect you to single handedly bring back sun's show from ruin!? ...well, did they?

who fuckin knows you'll find out in my [soon to be written] fic lol

[sentientgolfball]

“you heard me. i want you to sit on my face.” for copia and cumulus pls? :3

Come to think of it, I think this is only like the second time I've written ghoul/papa. Huh.

Anyway I hope you like it :3

Send me a pair and a prompt!

“Pardon me sweetheart?” 

Those words were not what Cumulus was expecting to come out of Copia’s mouth. Not that she was complaining, though, she had come to his room looking for him, worried he might be overworking himself considering no one has seen him for more than a few minutes for the last two days. Granted, she wasn’t entirely expecting things to get heavy so quickly. She just genuinely wanted to check on him, make sure he wasn’t dead on top of a pile of paperwork. Tax season always did this to him. She had found him passed out in his desk chair, softly snoring with his glasses halfway down his face. Cumulus had scooped him up and carried him to his bed. Despite how gentle she was, Copia still woke up with the movement. She hushed him, told him to sleep, and for the most part he had listened, burying him head into her chest to stop her from leaving. It all went downhill from there. 

“You heard me Dolcezza. Sit on my face…per favore?” 

She ran her claws through his hair, earning a delightful little hum from where he had one of her nipples in his mouth. This is the most relaxed she’s seen Copia in a while, though he’s usually like this when the two decide to spend some quality time together. It was evident how much he needed this, how tired he was, by the lack of blush and how easily the request fell from his lips. Cumulus would never dream of denying him. 

“If that’s what you need baby” she coos and gently pulls him up by the chin to kiss him. 

Copia practically goes boneless the moment she slips her tongue into his mouth, filling his senses with her citrus taste. He lets her control the movement, lets her pull away when she wants to. When she does, she can’t but smile fondly at the way Copia looks up at her like she’s his whole universe. 

She slowly sits up and pulls him into a hug. He buries his nose into the soft feathers on her neck, breathing deeply. She kisses the side of his head, carefully flipping their positions. 

“Lay back for me baby” Cumulus gently presses a hand to his chest, lightly pushing. 

Copia falls with ease, sighing when his head hits the pillows. Cumulus makes quick work of sliding her underwear off from under her nightgown before crawling over to him. She straddles his face, bunching up the pink fabric before slowly lowering herself. She can’t help but tease just a bit, stopping once her cunt is only a inches away from his face. Copia grabs her hips and pulls her the rest of the way down, whimpering softly once she’s finally on him. He rubs small circles into the meat of her thighs as he lazily eats her out, dragging his tongue from her clit to her slit to dip inside only to slide back up again. Cumulus’ eyes flutter closed, head tilting back as she settles more of her weight onto Copia. 

He circles her clit with his tongue before wrapping his lips around her and gently sucking. Her hips involuntarily grind down seeking more. He drags his tongue back down to her slit and dips inside. He licks into her as far as he can, eagerly drinking up everything she has to offer. This time Cumulus grinds down purposefully, biting her lip when she feels Copia’s nose press against her clit. 

“You’re being so good for me baby. Keep takin what you need” she sighs, rocking forward again. 

He tongues at her until he begins to feel her thighs shake. He licks back up to drag the flat of his tongue over her and clit and that’s enough for her. Cumulus’ mouth drops open, sighing as she cums against his face. Copia licks up as much of her slick as he can, not stopping until she’s shuddering from overstimulation. She pauses for only a moment to catch her breath before sliding off of him. She sits next to him on the bed, smiling down at him. Copia’s tongue darts out of his mouth, licking her taste off his lips. She can see his chest rising and falling with deep breathes. She bends down and kisses him gently, holding him there until she feels him sink farther into the mattress. 

“Feel better?”

He nods “Thank you tersoro.”

“You know I’d do anything for you sweet thing” she plants a kiss on his forehead. 

Cumulus doesn’t even have time to clean either of them up before Copia’s eyes slip shut. His snoring resuming shortly after. She huffs a laugh and settles in next to him, holding him close to make sure he gets the best sleep he can. 

[the---hermit]

New books in my Tolkien collection lovingly provided by my best friend who was decluttering her bookshelves, a lovely card she got me in one of her travels, and new books I got (I cannot wait to continue the poppy war series!!)

24|08|2023

The last few days have been intense to say the least. I am trying to spend as much time as I can with my friend before she leaves again. We had a sleepover, I met two of her friends who were visiting and overall we spent a lot of quality time together. We played board games, cooked together, went on walks, stayed up talking until 3 am. The other day we also went to a bookshop and after we spontaneously decided to get piercings together. I finally got my septum done, and here's were things started to go downhill. Now, I was very much aware my parents were not going to be happy about it, but I was not expecting to unleash the apocalypse itself. Things are somewhat cooler at the moment, also thanks to my beloved brother without whom I don't know what I'd do. He didn't hesitate a second to take my side, and he supported me in a very emotional argument with my parents. It's not that they're happy now, and I am not over the fact that a big chunk of joy I was feeling over this thing has been taken away from me, but at least things seem to be calmer. They will get used to it one way or another, because I am not up for compromise on things about my own body that make me happy. I might wait a bit longer than I originally planned to get my next tattoo, but that's fine since I didn't have everything planned out yet. I won't lie and say I wasn't upset with all of this, I still am, but I am thankful I had thr support of my brother and of my friends, that really filled my heart with love and gratitude.

Chill hobbit summer things of the last few days:

Slowly got back into reading first thing in the morning

Sleepover and late night talks

Meeting new people without feeling nervous about it

Taking my meds when needed (self care at its core)

Continuing my Irish review on duolingo and reaching a 400 day streak

Finishing The Witcher Blood Origin (I didn't mind the story, it was pretty entertaining, but there were a couple of things I didn't love love about it)

Doing something spontaneous (and paying rhe consequences I guess, but fuck it)

Saw not one but two hedgehogs in my garden at night (which means the little lads might be making a home in there and I would be so happy about it)

📖: currently rereading the Heartstopper series by Alice Oseman

[licncourt]

what happened with your fish :(

Well. It's been kind of a nightmare domino effect over the past few weeks. I tried a new food for them because it was supposed to be high protein or something (I don't even remember now) but for some reason it didn't break down like other fish food and started rotting in the water. I didn't realize it was happening because it was blending in with the gravel, but then overnight like seven of my little neon tetras died and I found the problem when I was digging around in the tank looking for the cause.

Anyway I did a two water changes and vacuumed the substrate like crazy and everything was fine after that, but I needed more neons because they have to have a larger school than what was left. I got some more at the pet store, but they were all dead within a couple days. The other fish in the tank were fine though.

Sometimes neons are sensitive to change and it's possible for new additions to not make it sometimes, so I cleaned the tank out really well to get rid of the decomp, then went back and got another seven or so neons once the water parameters were good again. They all looked healthy, so I put them in. Again, all dead within a couple days.

I went back to pet store again and explained what happened and the guy working there was like, yeah we've been having trouble with our fish recently. Which ???? why wouldn't you tell people that ???? But I decided to just let it go and let things settle down in there + another cleaning before trying a third time from a different aquatic supplier.

So that all happened, and then I noticed one of my tetras had fin rot. Not the end of the world, that can happen and stress of all that cleaning plus the fluctuating water quality can cause it, so I went to pick up some aquarium antibiotics today (but I hadn't really looked at the fish closely since last night).

When I was checking them today though to start medicating, I realized that the fin rot had spread to almost all the fish in the tank overnight, plus all the neons were gone this time, one of my platys was dead, and several others were covered in fungus. My gourami looks sick too, I don't know with what though, he seems fine visually.

I guess either the two rashes of death in there plus the stress made things go south or maybe the new neons brought some kind of weird bacteria with them that infected the others. They didn't seem sick at all when I got them though so I wasn't really worried about that.

But basically. That's been my saga. I'm treating them with melafix and erythromycin but honestly things don't look good :( If they keep going downhill and suffering, I might have to euthanize them and start completely over.

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Hi! Can I please get romantic and platonic pairing for Pedro Pascal characters and stranger things? I'm a straight female and my pronouns are she/her

I'm fairly introverted and it takes me a while to warm up to people. I love reading, my room is filled with stacks of books. I especially enjoy true crime, poetry and Russian literature! I adore adventures, witty and playful banter, joking around and having indepth discussions on anything and everything. I love helping out and people come to me to vent or for advice and comfort. I'd consider myself really smart and I'm very ambitious; I love being the best at everything I do. I daydream a lot and I'm a hopeless romantic! I enjoy all forms of art and I have quite a few creative hobbies! I'm 5'9 and I have long and curly dark brown hair and brown eyes. I dress mostly in relaxed suits, blazers and coats and I love the occasional dress or sweaters layered over a white button down! I'm a taurus sun, gemini moon and scorpio rising!. My love languages are acts of service (giving) quality time and physical touch (recieveing)

Thank you very much!! I hope you have a wonderful day ❤️

Hey! Thank you for requesting! Here you go! I hope you like the results! Feel free to request anytime! <3

Pedro Pascal Characters:

Romantic; Din Djarin

⭐ You minded your own business until you ran into Din and Grogu when they were running away from some baddies ⭐ And before you knew it, you were flying off with the Mandalorian and mysteriously cute baby

⭐ He needed someone to watch over the baby, and you were totally done watching over Grogu since he was the cutest thing in the entire galaxy

⭐ Din was pretty quiet around you, and you understood that. You gave him time and space to warm up to you and your overall presence

⭐ You would read to Grugo every night before bed, stories about space adventurers or different types of species, and even some poetry from your favorite writers; Grogu would fall asleep in seconds

⭐ After a while of traveling with Din, and finding out his true name, you would spend time with him in the cockpit, having deep, meaningful conversations; it was nice, calming and you loved listening to the sound of his voice

⭐ And when you all had to emergency stop on a planet because of a malfunction, you were quick to fix the problem; surprising and impressing Din

⭐ Sometimes, when you're off daydreaming, staring off at the stars, Din will watch you; loving how the stars' lights reflected off of you

⭐ Normally Din would want to save credits for more important things as well, but he can't say no to you or the kid when you want to buy a few art supplies

⭐ And after weeks or months of adventures, witty banter, and bedtime stories with his family; Din would take off his helmet and see you through his own eyes

--

Platonic; Ezra

🪐 You and Ezra were stranded on the Green Moon, and it wasn't fun at all... In the beginning

🪐 You had known Ezra prior and he was an unpredictable man, who was also a bit frightening at times; you didn't know how to feel about him

🪐 And when the fight broke out, everything went downhill

🪐 You spent most of your time with Cee since she did just lose her father and was stranded on a planet with you and Ezra, and you could feel the tension in the air

🪐 You would do as much as you could to help both Cee and Ezra, making sure everyone had food, their sanity, and whatnot; but it was a bit stressful

🪐 You had grown to care for Cee as if she was your little sister and Ezra... Well, you were slowly getting used to him and his odd behavior

🪐 You did get to a point though where you'd outrightly trust Ezra, despite what Cee thought, and at some other point you grew to understand and like the man; he just wanted to survive

🪐 When you would read with Cee, Ezra would sit nearby and listen, sometimes he'd comment on something within the story

🪐 When out collecting or harvesting, you and Ezra would talk about your past lives, well, mostly you than him, and about your favorite things

🪐Before you, Ezra, and Cee were "rescued" from the Green Moon, you believed that you had made friends with the man; for he was more laid-back with you than usual, and that's saying something

--

Stranger things:

Romantic; Steve Harrington

🍦 You had known Steve in high school and thought he was a real jerk in the beginning, right up until you were "fired" from your job as a babysitter; who knew Steve was going to replace you

🍦 You were kind of ticked off that he stole your job from you, you needed that money, but it was strange that all the kids, Max, and even El included, that they all hung out with each other... A lot

🍦 Sometimes, you would notice the hushed voices and sneaky glances they would make when they were all together; what was going on? Well, you had seen enough true crime to know that something fishy was going on, and you were going to find out what it was

🍦 You sort of regret that now, to think of it. Following the group round to only get caught up in almost getting killed by weird slimy-looking dog things with weird faces

🍦 And that was how you joined the team to stop the Demogorgon and save Hawkins and the world, and who knew a year later your Russian literature books would come in handy!

🍦 In a couple of years of fighting off other-dimensional beings, you had grown closer to Steve and realized he wasn't such a jerk anymore; yeah he sometimes said dumb things, but he was an alright guy

🍦 An alright guy that you had a crush on, the hopeless romantic in you was hoping he'd feel the same

🍦 After joining Robin and Steve at the Family Video, Steve finally asked you out, and of course, you said yes; you would be crazy not to

🍦 He took you to a diner, where you drank milkshakes and talked about everything and anything; it was perfect

🍦 If you had said to your past self that you would be dating the Steve 'The Hair' Harrington, fooling around and having fun with him while also fighting demo-dogs and demo-bats; You probably would've believed it...

--

Platonic; Robin Buckley

🐦 You had been friends with Robin for a while, and it was a pretty perfect friendship

🐦 She was sarcastic and loved to tease people, (mostly Steve), and you were pretty much the same; though you were more witty than sarcastic

🐦 You would help her with her 'you suck and you rule' sign, it was fun betting if Steve would suck, and he usually did

🐦 During breaks, you would play "basketball" with her; which was just you and her crumpling up paper to toss into a trash bin in the corner of the room

🐦 Robin would always do her homework with you since you were the smartest of all her friends, but most of the time studying would turn into watching old movies

🐦 You'd often braid each other's hair, you always liked doing hers even if her hair was pretty short, and she loved doing yours since your hair was so long; she was quite a french braider

🐦 You even went shopping together sometimes, jokingly having fashion shows, and showing off new outfits

🐦 You'd help her with her crush on Vickie, giving her support and advice

🐦 You'd also go to libraries together, recommending books, and even at one time, you both began to write your own

🐦 You both loved hanging out with one another and always had fun, you were so glad to have Robin as your best friend

[sm-writes-chaos]

Finally I've gotten to write Miss. Marmel's backstory! (click for better quality)

Transgender queen! Funnily enough when I was writing the very first draft of chapter one I called her Miss. Marmalade because I couldn't think of anything else, then I shortened it to marmel 'cause I didn't want to type out marmelade every time.

Words from image typed out under the cut

“My name isn’t really Miss. Marmel.”

Norah’s eyes widened and she leaned in closer. She waited for Miss. Marmel to continue.

“I’m not the best at coming up with fake names, so I just said Marmel. Like marmalade.” She chuckled a little.

Norah chimed in, “so why’d you have to come up with a fake name?”

“The reason I came here is because I was running away from my family.”

Norah nodded, “right you mentioned that they were bad.”

“I’m part of the Springbane family. You probably don’t know them but they're quite well known in Westwend. Mostly because of their wealth. My family is very strict and we were all expected to act certain ways and do certain things. They didn’t think becoming a jam seller would be very profitable. They didn’t approve of many of the things I did, including being a girl.”

Norah looked confused, “why wouldn’t they like you being a girl?”

“Because I wasn’t born one.”

Norah looked confused for a moment more before she seemed to get it.

“You were born male?”

“Yes, but I knew in my heart that I was a female. I tried to hide it from them, I had this one friend and she was the best person I’d ever met. She accepted me and lended me her clothes so I could dress up.” Miss. Marmel looked at the ceiling again but with a smile.

“One day my parents saw me wearing one of her dresses and everything went downhill from there. They made me train for the family business for years. As soon as I turned 18 I had saved enough money to buy a little house of my own. They still tormented me and since they had so much influence others in Westwend turned on me too. I never saw my friend again, I don’t know what happened to her. Eventually I couldn’t take the stares and comments anymore so I packed up and left for here. I know the people here wouldn’t accept me either but at least they don’t know.”

Norah took a moment to take it all in, and hugged her.

“You’ll always be Miss. Marmel to me.”

[psistillteach]

Let's Get Personal

Okay, so this whole blog is just for me, but I need to rant and potentially let someone else hear it.

I really feel like my current living situation is causing me depression and anxiety. I know it's causing anxiety, but I haven't really focused on the depression.

I live with my grandparents. I am very grateful for them to let me live here rent free while I save up money to one day buy a house. I am grateful to spend this quality time with them. HOWEVER, living here feels like it is destroying my mental health. Specifically with my grandfather. I have always looked up to him. He is my person. I know that as you age, you lose some of the things you did when you were younger, but over the past little bit of living here, I have had to see it every day and it has been so HARD. He has a lot of scarring on his lungs and some heart issues. Over time, he's gotten weaker and his endurance for tasks around the house has gone down. He also doesn't take care of himself as well as he should. It breaks my heart to see him down. Here lately, he's also been a little sick too with cold like symptoms. It worries me tremendously when he gets sick. Last year, he got sick and was hospitalized for a week with pneumonia. Then, he was put in a rehab to help him regain strength, but they didn't give his medicine to him as they should and he got sepsis and went back into the hospital. This whole event traumatized me... Possibly because I was also watching my Nanny on the other side of my family slowly go downhill before passing away a few months later.

While I love the quality time with my family and enjoy helping them out as much as I can, I feel like this is affecting me fairly negatively. The stress and anxiety towards his health and also being a support to Granny who is trying to take care of him is a lot on me. I want to be here for them, but also need to be my own person. I am 26 and should be living as an adult... on my own. This market right now does not make it easy to move out. I just looked at renting and everything is either working off of a ridiculous waitlist, super expensive, or both. I feel trapped.

I feel like I could afford something if I didn't tithe in church. I have been battling that demon for a bit now too. I know that tithing is a sacrifice and that's why I do it, to give back to God but also help the ministry of my church. I know that it is not a Christian requirement, but in a sense it is. I'm still learning and praying for discernment on what to do with this, so I am hoping for answers soon.

I am also hoping that my next therapy appointment will help me out too. There has been a lot of stress on me here recently and I am really hoping that jumping back into therapy after not doing for 2 months will be beneficial.

[laurenetuttle]

Moorea Day 2 (July 4th, 2023)

Today was an absolutely lovely 4th ofJuly despite not being at home in the USA for the holiday. Both my mom and I were asleep last night by around 9pm. So we both woke up on the early side this morning, but it wasn’t too bad. We woke up around 6:30 am, but laid in bed for quite the while. It was so nice having a lazy morning where we didn’t have to do anything or be anywhere by any time. We eventually got up and meandered over to breakfast. The breakfast is included in our Costco travel package! It was this very delicious breakfast buffet with views looking over the beach! They greeted us at the restaurant with delicious pineapple ginger juice! My mom enjoyed a lovely, fluffy omelet. And I tried to recreate “fantasy breakfast” with their rice, sausage, and fried egg. We also enjoyed some Nutella on French toast, crepes, and banana bread. Nutella everything!

After breakfast, we wandered around the hotel grounds. We then came back to the room to get ready and finalize our plan for the day! We decided to go into the main town area to do some shopping! We had the front desk call us a taxi, and we befriended the driver, Tom. We told him we were interested in going to look at pearl shops, but didn’t want to spend a ton of money. Turns out, he has a good friend who runs a family owned pearl shop! So we stopped by there and met the pearl guy, Peter! Peter told us all about his family’s history in the pearl business and did a ton of pearl education for us. We learned all about the uniqueness of Tahitian black pearls and how they are “graded” for quality. He was very friendly and was able to switch out any pearls for ones that we wanted in his collection. My mom chose a lovely ring and swapped out the pearl in the setting. I chose a blue pearl and had it turned into a beautiful necklace! We then were driven into the main town for lunch. We stopped at this cute little cafe and had refreshing salads. My mom enjoyed a vanilla milkshake! We then did some more shopping and looking around some local souvenir shops. We may or may not have also stopped into another pearl shop and may or may not have purchased some more items… My mom found a lovely blue pearl necklace and I found a lovely gray/blue ring! We then had the pearl shop call Tom, who picked us up. We stopped by the first pearl shop to pick up our custom order and then went back to the Hilton.

After we got back to the Hilton, we changed into our bathing suits and enjoyed a dip in our own private plunge pool! We tried out our inflatables that we brought with us to Tahiti. My mom brought a lime green ring shaped raft that is kid-sized. It was comical how much it doesn’t work. Our butts barely fit into it. We then went down to the beach and tried out the ocean! It’s a perfectly warm temperature. It was so beautiful! There are coral reefs surrounding Moorea, which break the waves. So all of the beaches are like little lagoons. It was so calm and peaceful!

We then headed back to the room to get ready for dinner. I had ordered a flower crown through the front desk. So we got prepared for some beach/sunset pictures. But, while we were getting ready, a storm came rolling through! So it was starting to sprinkle as we were heading to the beach. We were able to take some cute pics before it started pouring! We ended up running over to the restaurant that we had dinner reservations at! They actually were hosting a 4th of July celebration for the Americans staying at the resort! So a bunch of workers were busy setting up red, white, and blue decor! They also had a DJ playing American tunes. We ended up staying and taking some more sunset pics and enjoying happy hour with some tropical drinks. Then the dinner party started at 6pm. They started with the Star-Spangled Banner, which was nice! And then it went downhill from there…. The service wasn’t great. And it took a long time to get the food. The menu was not very American-themed. We both ordered rib-eye steaks, which were absolutely terrible. Very Smokey and tough. The green beans were good though… They ended up giving us our drinks and one entree for free, which was nice. The food was definitely not worth the listed prices… That’s ok though. Not every meal is going to be perfect. We left with full bellies and the ambiance was nice. We then headed back to the room to relax and get ready for bed! Looking forward to more swimming and snorkeling tomorrow!

[mirrorballwhoistrying]

Trying to Grow without Hating the Process (01.07.2023)

Damn! It’s the end of another month again! Like everything moved so fast. 1st half of 2023 is already gone. What have I been doing? Am I doing too little of what sparked the fire in me?

June started of so, so. This is when I’m going to receive 4 results what I applied for. First week of June wasn’t that great anyway. I was mentally at my lowest. I couldn’t get anything done. 

I think I spent most of time trying to get my visit to aunt video posted on Tik Tok, then my vlogs to Pursat & Vietnam and then my birthday vlog. I planned to release it once a week but things didn’t go as planned. 

I did manage to release the video on my Tik Tok. It received quite many views, but things seem to go downhill since. Like Tik Tok doesn’t celebrate diverse contents maybe? Like they won’t give me the engagement I normally did or the quality of my videos dropped? Or I have no consistency?

I did manage to release vlog to Pursat on June 13th. Exactly a week before my birthday. It received quite a reaction anyway. I think people wouldn’t expect me as an introverted person to make a video and talking like this. 

I released the 2nd video a day before my birthday. It did quite okay but worst than the first video. I think the audio quality was quite bad also. 

Then boom, it’s my birthday. It was what I was looking forward to the most. I might act like I don’t care but I really care! I miss when I would celebrate my birthday until the end of the month. Too bad, now I have less and less friends. Last year, I didn’t go to a surprise birthday that my friends planned. 

I had coffee and dinner with KY and DL. It was all I asked. I received a lot of wishes from them. I also received a lot of gifts the following day. That was the highlight of my birthday this year anyway like I got more gifts than cake. 

That was my happiest week in awhile. I still acted so salty though to BKT. like why he always came to me with problems and wouldn’t bother to wish me at all on my birthday? Make it make sense! 

I also went to my friend’s mom’s funeral. That was sad. Life is really short and anything could happen. A guy called me up and I had s on my birthday week. Damn! That was what I dreamt of actually. 

M4I also went well for awhile and I got to meet some really amazing speakers. I failed 2/4 of the results I was looking forward to. Damn! AAS. The guy who was no longer talking to me felt like a repeated scenario like I didn’t want him but I just want his validation. 

I have kept the work for CN on hold for awhile. it’s time to spice things up and get back to work! 

Maybe I’ve been inside my head for too long that I don’t care about people around me? That’s the consequences and punishment on me actually?

I hope I’d make the most of the 2nd half of 2023.

[pinklily7749]

What am I looking for a future partner?

I’ve been thinking lately more about what I want to find in a future partner. Most of the time though, it seems to divert back to finding qualities in someone that was lacking from my previous partner. I guess that’s the good thing about a relationship ending and now I know all the things I do and don’t want.

I want a future partner who makes me feel safe and secure into my life. Even though I know that I have to be happy and secure by myself first but I think this is a nice to have. I remember it got really sour at the end of my previous relationship where I told him ‘...you know how some people look for a future partner that is similar to their dad? My dad has always protected me (some may even say over-protective) but you are nothing like him’. He replied ‘if you are wanting someone who is stronger, I can’t be that person but I will try in other aspects. I will come back and we can finally live together as well. I can ask my company next week’. But by then, I couldn’t imagine sharing the same space with him let alone a home. It is one of the crappiest feelings I’ve ever been through. I told him that i didn’t mean that I wished he was a stronger to make me safer but he didn’t make me feel safe and secure and being happy with the way that my life currently was then. I became that horrible person at the end that tried to change their partner into someone that they are not.

I also want a partner who shows his care and love in his actions. I had lacked some gestures in my relationship so I had started to notice the things that other men do. I noticed one guy opened the door for me when I went to my car. I don’t really need a guy to do that but I notice the gesture. I noticed another guy takes notice of what I say and doesn’t try to offer a solution to everything but just listen to what I am saying. I remember he didn’t rush me into making a decision and told me that I’ll eventually figure it out. I felt really calm because I felt like someone was listening to me at my own pace. I noticed another guy who would see something that I would like and would give me a call to ask if I wanted him to buy it for me. I appreciated the call because he called me at an every day moment and didn’t only give me a call when things went downhill. It took me almost thirty years to realise that my love language is Acts of Service. I love it when guys show through their actions. He used to gift me things maybe to make up for our lack of time together but gifts is not my love language. Maybe it was his love language. Having less gifts, physical touch or words of affirmation won’t effect me much  (or maybe I do need a little of touch and kind words) but if there are no Acts of service then that is a noticeable thing for me. Another thing I have learnt is that people should show their love through their partner’s love language and not their own love language because otherwise they will be just wasting their time.  It also concerns me that it took almost a decade and we have never had this conversation but maybe he just wasn’t the right person to have this conversation with.

I also want someone who would give me feelings of desire. I didn’t realise until recently but the relationship should’ve ended years before it did because I had stopped seeing him as a desirable partner for physical and emotional intimacy.

During the end of the conversation mentioned earlier, he said he hopes one day I find what I am looking for one day. I am looking for someone who will give me feelings of desire, safety and security which I had lacked previously. Feelings of safety and security doesn’t just come through being physically present. As you can see, to me it comes from every day things like a random phone call, acts of service, someone who allows me to openly communicate and if they are able to integrate with my family and friends that is a plus. 

But maybe what I am looking for is not real. I’ve read that the more secure you are with a person, the less desire you will have for that person. But I know that even if this thing I am looking for doesn’t exist, I will know that I at least tried to find it.

[lazypeachsoul]

I wouldn't want to spend a minute lovin' anybody else.

Warnings: this fic has some sad moments and mentions of the blip. also kind of AU because I'm completely ignoring Natasha's canon end.

Word count: 4,2k (i got very carried away with this fic)

Summary: · Meeting the right person at the wrong time can be life changing when it doesn’t work out the way we desire. But if it's meant to be it will always happen, right?

A/N: This is my fic for the "Women of Marvel xReader Exchange" created by @marvelxreaderfanfictionfest . It was created for @im-holding-ontoyou and I hope you like it! gif by @natasharomanovgifs 🌼 ALSO; i haven't watched Black Widow yet so I'm sorry if something in this fic doesn't fit the new info we got about natasha.

Masterlist.

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New York, 2015.

When you received the call from one of your bosses that you had a new case you would have never imagined how big that case would turn out to be.

You had been working for one of the most important law firms in New York for a year now, and you were getting kind of used to reading cases that would be narrated in the papers for months. Rich and entitled men, big divorces were they fight over who gets the yacht, one or two murder cases... if it revolved around the powerful people of New York city, your firm would get it.

When you got to the debriefing and were told that Tony Stark, one of the firm's most important clients, asked your team for assistance in the creation of some legislation with the newly created “Advanced Threat Containment Unit” you were more than surprised.

The events that the Avengers had caused (or saved us from, there were different opinions going around) in the small country of Sokovia were known all around the and it was only time before the most powerful officials asked for the regulation of ‘superhero activity’.

You weren’t important enough to actually attend the meetings that took place with the government, seeing as you had only passed your bar exam a little over a year prior, but you were deemed cheerful and nice enough to act as a nexus between the firm and the client.

For months you spent your days talking to Tony Stark and other members of The Avengers trying to explain what was being talked about. The first few meetings were a disaster, seeing as the mood was somber for the lives lost and nobody really understood your legal jargon. But slowly you started to transform your language and really tried to make the meetings as easy as possible for everyone present.

But who were you kidding, they really didn’t care about the meetings or the silly attorney being sent to explain something that was way above their paycheck. Well, at least Stark was gracious enough to set a coffee station with some pastries for the meeting. You were pouring the hot liquid into your to-go cup when your hand jerked and the hot liquid splashed your hand.

You could feel the sting of the burn but avoided further sudden movements trying not to make it worse. Before you could reach for a napkin to clean up the mess you made, a more dexterous and manicured hand reached for them and exchanged the hot cup in your hand for the bunch of papers.

“Careful, Stark always serves boiling coffee. I think it’s to mask that it’s not the best quality.”

You lifted your gaze from your hand and found a pair of deep green eyes gazing back. You would have thought that spending numerous meetings in the company of superheroes would make you less susceptible to their powerful auras, but being this close to Natasha Romanoff made your heart beat a bit faster.

“Yeah, I found out the hard way.” You joked, lifting your hand a bit. “You would guess one of the richest people in the world would actually serve good coffee...”

Seeing her crack a smile made you feel less tense. Sometimes you forget they are still normal people. Normal people who could kill you with their bare hands and had superhuman powers. She placed your cup on the food table, apparently not bothered by how hot it must have been, and pushed her hand in your direction.

“I’m Natasha Romanoff.” You wrapped your hand around hers and shook it, biting your tongue trying not to tell her of course you knew her name. “Sorry I didn’t introduce myself in earlier meetings, we were all trying to come to terms with what had happened.”

“No worries, I can only imagine how hard it must have been for all of you.” You nodded and tried to show her sympathy, trying to avoid thinking about all the lives affected by the fight. “Oh sorry, I’m-”

Natasha quickly cut you off, speaking your name before you could even say it. You could feel your cheeks get warmer at the idea that they actually knew who you were, and she probably could sense your mood change because she quickly explained.

“I know who you are, you send us at least two emails a week about these meetings and FRIDAY always announces you before you arrive.”

“Who announces me?” You asked curiously at the mention of a name you recognized.

“FRIDAY. It’s the name of Stark’s AI technology. It works all around the tower and it’s there to make life easier for everyone.” She explained pointing around at the speakers strategically placed around the room.

“Oh, I get emails from Friday sometimes. Most of them are asking me to translate or explain something about the debriefing because Mr.Stark is not interested in legal terms.” Both you and Natasha laughed at the thought.

But she quickly recomposed and tried to look serious again when she heard her teammates coming in to get ready for the meeting.

“I wanted to ask you about that. Do you think we could schedule a meeting so that you could explain some things about the legislation of the A.T.C.U.?” She spoke lower than she had when the two of you were alone and you wondered why she didn’t want her colleagues to know about the meeting.

“Ye-Yeah, of course I can.” You were confused but thought it would be in your best interest, and the firm’s, to say yes to the proposal. And a meeting with a very attractive and definitely interesting woman was not something that happened constantly for you.

“Great, thank you.” She smiled warmly and squeezed your hand that you hadn’t even realized was still wrapped around hers from the introduction. “I can promise you better coffee.”

You could only hum in response, still trying to piece together what she might want from the meeting. But your thoughts were quickly cut off when Stark entered the room and you moved to start the reunion.

During the entire meeting you could feel the dull pain in your hand from the scorching coffee and the feeling of a pair of green eyes watching your every move.

Vienna, 2016.

The situation had only gone downhill from the Battle of Sokovia. The public’s opinion on the Avengers was at an all-time-low and that made terrorist groups bold. They knew that if they struck and caused enough chaos, the blame would fall on the good guys that tried to stop them.

The only thing that seemed to be a stable thing in your life was Natasha. Well, as stable as dating a superhero might be. She was busy a lot, but you understood the importance of her job and you were quite busy too gaining importance within the law firm.

And even if sometimes terrorists and criminals got in the way you still found a moment to spend together, wrapped around each other without having to think about how messed up life was.

You thought Lagos was the blow that would make everything tumble, the Sokovia accords were unveiled and it broke the Avengers, and your girlfriend. You could feel how torn she was at her decision of some of her friends to oppose the signing and go on the run, and her own decision to subordinate to the United Nations mandate. But you realized how small that had been when king T’Chaka was killed at the UN.

You had been at the UN as part of the USA legal team that participated in the writing and monitoring of the accords. Your participation in the negotiations almost broke your relationship but you were able to recover once you explained your position and Natasha actually came to an understanding of it.

Natasha was also in Vienna when everything went down, you hadn’t managed to properly see her because she was one of the signers and they sat at the assembly while other guests sat at the amphitheater watching the retransmission.

You hadn’t been able to properly see her all day, seeing as she took a detour before flying to Austria. You were only able to communicate through texts where you tried to make the situation more comfortable for her and she promised a peaceful european trip to celebrate the signing.

When the bomb went off and all hell broke loose the first thing you tried to do was look for her, she was at the epicenter of the explosion and you just wanted to see if she was okay. You saw her from afar when you were being pushed to the outside of the building while they swiped the perimeter.

She sat with T’Challa before he jumped from the bench and stomped away. Natasha looked around and your gazes crossed, immediately melting away some of the worry. You tried to push your way through the crowd to get to her, but police and security didn’t budge.

You never took your eyes off of her, scared that if you did she would disappear. But she did move her gaze to her phone and the look that crossed her face when she heard the voice at the other side told you it was a very important call.

Once the call was over and she looked at you again you knew that would probably be the last time you would see her in some time. You hadn’t known Natasha as long as some of her colleagues had, but you could proudly say you could understand what she wanted to say with just a look. And the look on her face in that moment read close to a goodbye.

New York, 2018.

It had been two years since the fall of Helmut Zemo and part of the Avengers was still on the run. And it maybe wouldn’t have had that big of an impact on you if it wasn’t because Natasha had also been on the run for that long.

You had heard about what happened at the Leipzig airport and how Natasha had changed alliances to join Captain America’s fight. You had been heartbroken at the news knowing that any resemblance of normality that you still hope for was destroyed.

You had spent months wondering what had made her change her mind. Had she thought about your conversations about the accords? Had she even remembered you, waiting for her back in New York, when she decided to go on the run?

A part of you tried to convince you of how selfish thinking about that was, why would she think about you when the future of her team and friends was at stake? But also you were her girlfriend, she should have thought about the implications that might have had for you.

In those years you had mourned your relationship and after the grieving period you tried to rebuild your life. New friends, a new position and new chances to take. And it went okay...at least until someone opened their mouth to talk about superheroes or The Avengers. Years down the line and it was still on people’s minds.

On special occasions you would receive anonymous gifts at your office or your apartment. The first birthday after the war you sobbed for fifteen minutes when you saw the bunch of flowers. There was no name or indicative of who might have sent them, that was until you looked better at the card and saw the small red hourglass painted in the corner.

The gifts continued. Every case you won, promotion, birthday or holiday a bunch of flowers would be delivered to you with the same note.

In a way it gave you a sense of peace knowing she was okay and still thought of you. But the more you thought about it the angrier you got at how she had left you.

You didn’t expect a message from your boss to run to the Avengers compound and assess some situation between Coronel Rhodes and Thaddeus Ross. Although the team had crumbled, your company was still hired to legally represent the remaining members and moderate situations that might arise with the government.

You entered the compound expecting another bureaucratic complaint about their activity but you found a trickier situation. The meeting room was filled with people you thought you would never see again.

Captain Rogers was sitting on one of the chairs sporting a new look that made you almost not recognize him and a tense demeanor. Next to him was Sam Wilson, looking around at the smallest of movements and trying to assess the situation. Wanda Maximoff was standing on the furthest corner of the room playing with her rings, meanwhile Vision was apparently being checked out for a wound. What kind of wounds a synthezoid could get was beyond your understanding.

“Thank you for coming so quickly, I might have angered Secretary Ross during a meeting.” Rhodey came up to you with a nervous smile.

You had gotten closer to him thanks to your job seeing as he was the one doing the dirty superhero work.

“Yeah, I got that much from the text. Nothing new then.” You tried to joke to diffuse the tension in the room. “It would have been nice to know you had guests though.”

“We are not guests. Last time I checked this was our home too.”

That voice made your blood freeze. You should have expected her there, all her friends had returned and the chance of her being back too was almost 100%. But hearing her voice again after two years was not something you expected.

You bit your tongue before you could talk about how it’s not a home if you abandon it, but decided against it. This was a fight between them, not Natasha and you.

“I need you to work with the government to avoid this situation becoming a disaster.” Rhodey explained and you scoffed.

“Rhodey, I’m a lawyer not a politician. I have as much power in this as you might have.” You tried to lay your point across but it was difficult with all eyes on the interaction. “Hell, I have even less power than you do.”

“Then I need you to distract them enough to get them off our shoulders.” He pressed. “Something big is coming and we need all the strength we can get.”

You thought about it for a moment. If it was true that something big was coming, the Avengers were the best option to fight it.

“I’m in.” You scoffed at his smile and sat down in one of the chairs of the meeting room. “I’m not ready for the world to end yet.”

The meeting went on for a while. You called bosses, government officials and everyone that would listen to your distractions. You sent emails that would flood their inboxes for days so that they couldn’t read any news that might reach them about what the superheroes had in mind.

It was late at night when a cup of steaming liquid was placed next to you. You looked at it and saw that it was some kind of herbal tea, probably made to relax the drinker. You followed the hand that was still holding the mug until you reached Natasha’s face.

You had done your best to ignore her looming presence in the room but now there was no distraction. Looking at her you could see tiredness in her face. She was platinum blonde now, a look that weirdly suited her, but her face still looked as welcoming to you as it always did.

You tried to stop the flashbacks to the last time you saw it in person in Vienna, but they kept replaying in your head until her voice broke you out of the loop.

“I thought you might need it, I remember how nervous calls used to make you.”

She was smiling but you could tell it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yeah, I guess I got over it since I got my promotion. Now I spend a long portion of my day making calls.”

She hummed and sat down next two you, but leaving a chair in between you as a safe space.

“I read about it in an article, I sent you flowers to celebrate.”

“I got them. And the Christmas ones. On my birthday too.” You enumerated the times you had gotten the plants in the past two years. “You must have spent an awful amount of money buying me so many flowers.”

“You deserved it, you still do.” She shrugged and that’s when you noticed she had her own mug of warm tea in her other hand. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to celebrate with you.”

You laughed into your mug sarcastically. Out of everything you expected her to say this wasn’t one of them.

“Did you really? Because you didn’t seem to consider me much when you went on the run for two years.”

Natasha paled when she heard your tone. She probably wasn’t used to situations like these but you weren’t going to let her go without an apology at least.

“I was trying to do the best for-”

“-for the world. I get it, Natasha, I do.” You tried to contain your emotions but it was getting harder with every word. “Relationships are supposed to be teamwork. I know you are always too busy playing heroes and I never judged you for that, I just wish you would have trusted me enough to tell me before you disappeared.”

She was silent and knowing Natasha it’s because she was probably overwhelmed with the display of feelings. But she needed to hear how bad you had felt.

After minutes of waiting for an answer from her and getting nothing but sighs you shook your head and looked back at the computer screen.

“I guess it was a case of the right person, wrong time.” You shrugged trying to find distraction in the flurry of letters in your email inbox. “Or at least it was for me.”

She got up from her seat without a word and you grew exasperated. Why had she even approached you if then she wasn’t willing to have an adult, two sided conversation? She was almost at the door when you heard her voice again.

“Please never doubt how much I love you. I made some bad choices but dating you was not one of them.”

New York, 2024.

Time apparently flies by when you are erased from the face of the earth. One day you are in your office working late and the next you appear five years in the future with no recollection of what might have happened.

You were taken by authorities to impromptu camps and one by one examined to check your identities. The entire thing seemed to be something out of one of the dystopian novels you used to read as a teenager.

When it was your turn you gave them all the information you had on what had happened. You had given them your name and personal information and apparently had been a very searched person because the computer started beeping as soon as your name was introduced in the database.

You were moved to a secluded part of the camp and kept in an isolated room for god knows how long. Your stomach was in knots during the entire situation and you could feel the cold sweat on you. That mixed with the metallic taste on your tongue you knew this time your anxiety was justified. You were almost dizzy because of how hard you were thinking about the entire situation and trying to make sense of it.

When you heard the door of the room open you jumped up, discarding on the floor a makeshift blanket that had been placed on your shoulders when you got there. Your legs almost gave out at the movement and your heart felt like it was going to burst out.

The door opened enough for you to see who had been searching for you. Natasha stepped through the door still dressed in her tactic gear and with tiredness written all over her face. But that feeling seemed to almost disappear when she finally saw you.

With quick movements she stepped into the room and wrapped her arms around you tightly. For some reason that action was the trigger that you needed to let all your emotions consume you.

You started sobbing uncontrollably at the unknown. You didn’t understand what happened or how you are here, but feeling her embrace helped you feel safe in a way. It had been years since you last hugged her but it still felt as good as back in 2015.

You could hear Natasha’s soothing shushes in between your sobs and you moved to hold her tighter.

“You are here. I can’t believe I found you again.” She spoke softly and you didn’t know if she was speaking to you or herself. “It’s okay darling. I’m here and I’m not letting you go again. I promise.”

And with that promise a ray of hope made way between all the fear you felt.

Missouri, 2025.

Soft music could be heard all around the ground floor of the house. The soft beat was upbeat enough to get the morning started but not enough to be overwhelming if you had just woken up. You were sitting on the kitchen island looking at the news on your phone and having breakfast.

Mornings were usually very calm around the homestead and you couldn’ be more thankful for that. It allowed you to silently prepare your breakfast and coffee and get a headstart on Natasha’s breakfast too.

Since she had retired, Natasha had discovered a newfound love for sleeping in and you didn’t dare to take that away from her. She deserved it from all the work she had done in her life.

You, meanwhile, tried to get up early to scroll through the cases that you got in your new and smaller job and schedule meetings or emails.

It was a Saturday so work wasn’t a thing and you could actually enjoy your toast and coffee in peace. Or at least until a pair of arms wrapped themselves around your middle and pulled you back against Natasha.

“Good morning baby, how did you sleep?”

“Like a baby.” You could feel her smile when she kissed your cheek from behind. “You weren’t there when I woke up though.”

You shrugged before moving to get a bite out of your toast. Natasha tried to do the same but you quickly moved it away from her with a smile. She tried again and you moved as fast as your reflexes allowed you.

“C’mon baby, give me a bite” “No, it’s my toast. You can make your own.” “But it tastes better when you make it.” “No it doesn’t, don’t be lazy.”

The playful fight continued for a few moments until she got close enough to get a small bit but you moved it again.

“Don’t make me bite you, darling.”

You chuckled at her threat and plopped the remaining toast on the plate in front of you. Breakfast didn’t matter much anymore. You threw yourself into her arms and pressed your lips against hers. It wasn’t a slow and sensual kiss, it was closer to how small kids smooch their parents. But you knew it would convey your love more deeply.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Nat.” You spoke against her lips and squaked when you felt her playfully nip at your bottom lip.

“Is now a good time?”

That question had become recurring in your household, a nod to the phrase you said when you found eachother again after being separated the first time.

“I couldn’t think of a more perfect time.”

And you couldn’t. The rest of your life spent in a homestead with your girlfriend and whatever life might bring? It sounded absolutely delightful.

Taglist: @tagehaya @flyforeverfree @rooskaya-yelena @evalynanne @insanitybyanothername @princessayveke @yelenabelovasgf @kyli314

[whatudottu]

So, some time ago, I made a post about something something TFP Rewrite AU. Now, I’m not the greatest at putting ideas into one cohesive story- not without ripping on the original structure.

But recently I had an idea!

There’s a lot of context going into this idea, but bare with me. It will be the basis of other TFP Rewrite adjacent stuff that I may or may not share if i even have more ideas for it, and the main context that applies to general events is Megatron himself and his descent into a Dark Energon induced spiral into incompetency.

Something something books that I haven’t read, apparently in the aligned continuity Megan had already found AND used DE to essentially kill Primus and Cybertron with him, but in the show it’s written as if it’s this mystical element that no one believed ever existed. For this little uh... split in the timeline, Dark Energon was discovered in TFP and TFP alone.

Another interesting tidbit about Megatron, the books seem to paint the Decepticons as the ones in the right, the ones who rebel against a system that had no qualms about letting them die and scavenge the parts of their dead nameless brethren; the Autobots were the upper class so devotely against the Decepticon’s mere existance and the middle class that saw their justified violence as ‘taking it too far’. Now I’m not going to turn Megan into the greatest mech alive, who is actually the good guy dude just trust me, but I’m upping his competence pre-DE.

So essentially, before any event involving Earth in some way is mentioned, Megatron is now a frighteningly powerful and proficient leader, but is inordinately violent to the point of turning his blade on his own crew. In the war - book era - the quality of his leadership outweighed the backlash of his gladiatorial upbringing, and it was the sway of his words and the purpose behind them that further grew the Decepticon forces.

Now, with the Dark Energon in his possession, Megatron’s mind slowly begins to degrade. At first, everything seemed relatively okay, questions being asked about the discovery, on-board scientists and automobile enthusiasts were keen to learn more. But Megatron went on his journey to find more Decepticon soldiers, more forged mecha that fought under the banner of the Decepticon brand.

And that’s were it truly began to go downhill.

Megatron spoke of the Decepticon forces as dead mecha walking, and that the upper class and ESPECIALLY the council would have continued to ensure that became true, but what if they gave them that honour. Megatron announcing his plan to turn the dead into loyal Decepticon forces, undying in their regeneration and the will to choose for oneself who to be again, a second chance. And then began the idea that if the Decepticons were so fated to die at the hands of the Autobots, that they shall never give them the pleasure, and take away their mortal fear of death.

Needless to say it wasn’t a very popular belief.

And ever since Megan took it upon himself to embrace the Dark Energon - the rumoured blood of Unicron himself - into his very spark, the grand intelligence and brilliant command began to gradually grow outmatched by his vehement aggression. Plus, with the Autobots trapped on Earth on the evasive, Megatron could not turn that intense rage onto the battlefield, but harder onto the failings of the Decepticons.

Most folk are blind to the weakening cost-benefit relationship that is Megan’s leadership, mostly because they aren’t directly affected by it. Vehicons are already cannon fodder, they’ve accepted as such eons ago, so any increase in internal violence just hastens the inevitable if they’re even targetted in the first place. Soundwave was already the primary intelligence officer, and though he definitely notices the shift, his loyalty leads him to handle more of the thinking than he did before.

Oh, but Starscream notices, Starscream doesn’t need to open his eyes to notice. He, the medical staff (only really Knock Out and Breakdown) and any technician, maintenance worker and the occasional vehicon stationed at the bridge notice more and more of the failings of Megatron’s mental stablity.

Starscream’s plots to take over the Decepticons begin more and more frequently, and though his popularity in the ranks doesn’t increase at first, it is Megan’s standing in the eyes of his troops that takes a fall before any opinions can rise.

Yada yada overall the Decepticons grow sick and tired of Megatron’s bullshit, something something blind loyalty tries to get Megatron the help he needs, and finally certain ‘Cons begin to think their temporary rule under Starscream’s 6 year occupation doesn’t seem all too bad. No one died, not from their leader and certainly not from the Autobots. Mining had next to no incidents, save for mining exclusive accidents. And Starscream was well suited to keeping their activities a secret from both the Autobots AND the humans living on the planet.

But that’s certainly a thought of the most exhausted mecha, of the bots that will surely be slain for having that idea, for sympathising for the traitorous slagpile that is Starscream.

This could lead to some form of Autobot Starscream AU, but I think ever since I watched Cyberverse, I think that something along the lines of ‘Reformed-Decepticons-now-under-the-command-of-Starscream-by-elective-means-end-the-war-in-a-truce-and-soon-a-peace-treaty-in-efforts-to-restore-cybertron-to-the-world-that-it-was-meant-to-be’ AU/Pathway of this specific Rewrite AU-

Of course I don’t want it to be exactly Cyberverse, I only thought about it like that as soon as I began writing this section. But, maybe I’m just being a Decepticon sympathiser and am too swayed by the words of pre-DE Megatron, but I like when there are two sides of the war and neither are the good guy nor the bad guy.

I want some focking NUANCE in this bitch alright!

Anyhow I hope you liked this idea- there’s probably more on the way, I might’ve thought of some while writing this lmao-!

[stayevildarling]

Sally McKenna x Wilhemina Venable x Reader - A little help Pt 5

word count: 3.1k

warnings: smoking, mention of drugs, hints of smut, cursing, panic attacks, anxiety

A/N: This is an eight-part story, hope you enjoy

Rushing through the busy halls of university, your mind is racing, the thoughts so loud it sounds like bees in your head and the thoughts just won't stop buzzing, causing your vision to blur slightly, ears ringing and trembling hands, the feeling of panic and losing control of the situation any moment. You rush into the nearest bathroom, bursting the nearest door open and quickly closing it, dropping your bag and books onto the floor and sliding down the wall, trying to calm down.

Shakily you try and reach for your phone to distract yourself, maybe playing a video or maybe even messaging them but you feel woozy with every movement of your body and so you close your eyes and abandon the thought of getting your phone out of your bag. ''Breathe idiot'' you remind yourself and you try a technique that has occasionally worked in the past before, whenever you felt a panic attack coming.

''Breathe in 4-3- nope nope not working too much too loud'' you try but fail miserably at keeping your breathing under control. ''Shit'' you mutter, noticing that the feeling isn't passing and the panic only growing but how the hell did you end up hyperventilating, sitting on the bathroom floor of your university?

After Sally's relapse a few weeks back, you taking her to Mina's work and going cold-turkey, things have changed and somehow took a more unexpected turn than you expected to. Sally struggled and she struggled badly at first, she couldn't cope, constantly having you or Wilhemina around, not able to get out of the house, only on walks where you two would accompany her. There were times when she felt hatred towards you two, but not really you two more what you are doing to her or rather keeping Sally from doing to herself. There were a lot of sleepless nights, you and Wilhemina taking turns, watching her and guiding her through this journey of detoxing her body from the drugs. It was constant ups and downs, it was really hard at first with all the withdrawal symptoms and the times she would just be throwing up everything she would eat or drink and you and Wilhemina often debating whether you need to get doctors involved.

There were the good days when caffeine and nicotine helped Sally's urges and you three actually had really good days together, snuggled up on the sofa, watching everyone's favorite movies and enjoying the quiet and each other's company. Then things started going downhill, with Wilhemina having to go into work again and you looking after Sally while she was still at home , blogging from home and posting a lot to distract herself from the withdrawal symptoms.

Everything went okay at first, Mina leaving early in the morning like she usually would, with a lunch bag you packed for her the night before, just like you usually would. You woke up, snuggling closer to Sally and enjoying some quality time with her, before she sat on the sofa, working on her blog and you decided to carry on finishing your thesis because deadlines were coming up. You two sat on the sofa together in comfortable silence, just working and it was almost calming but just almost.

You were unaware that day, that Sally was fighting the most recent and hardest battle with her addiction and that her body was craving something more than just caffeine to fight this empty feeling. Maybe it was the fact that Wilhemina had to go to work and Sally knowing you are different than Wilhemina, not as strong, not as strict.

At first you thought everything was okay and when she got up, you absent-mindedly asked what she was doing, only for her to tell you she is going to the toilet. You didn't think too much of it until you heard things smashing, being thrown across the bathroom and so you instantly rushed inside the bathroom, only to find a very overwhelmed Sally, searching through every draw and cabinet to find something, anything even Mina's painkillers, just anything so she could feel release and at peace but you and Mina were smarter than that beforehand and hid any potential dangers.

''Sally'' you pleaded, understanding immediately what was going on. ''I don't fucking care Y/N I need something'' she screamed in your face while tears streamed down her cheeks. ''Where are your cigarettes?'' you asked feeling helpless, although you are very aware that cigarettes and the stuff Sally is used to, are very different. ''I ran out'' she admitted and you took a step closer to her, putting your hands on her shoulders, your eyes begging her to calm down.

''We can go and buy some right now, let's get dressed okay?'' you asked and it took two more meltdowns before she agreed to leave the house with you.

From that day on, things took a more positive turn however and you and Wilhemina got Sally to agree to go to group counseling therapy, where she would sit with a group of people, twice a week to talk about her feelings and experiences.

At first she really didn't want to go and begged you to go with her and of course you did. Sally settled in surprisingly well and she actually started looking forward to those meetings, you and Wilhemina insisted on driving her and somebody would always take her there and pick her up again after an hour. Whenever you drove her for the first few weeks, you would actually wait in the parking lot, just making sure she doesn't just pretend to go inside and leave again as soon as you or Wilhemina left.

But she didn't and you didn't learn the reason for this until a while later, because the aspect of socialising at these sessions really helped Sally. Having a group of strangers there, sharing similar stories and her finally understanding her behavior and learning that she isn't responsible for this and that it's a cycle that is very hard to escape, especially when attempting to fight it alone. She would regularly walk back to the car with the happiest smile, reaching another milestone, one week clean, two weeks clean and soon it will be one month.

Sally would talk about what she learned that day, what the others shared, she talked about someone there relapsing and how it made her feel. To motivate her further you bought this calendar and hung it the kitchen where she can mark her appointments but also her milestones.

Just when Sally, one of the two most important people of your life started doing better, you still aware that she isn't magically cured and still on this hard path of battling and fighting her demons, your other lover Wilhemina at last cracked under the pressure of the past few weeks.

With Wilhemina it's different than Sally, you would never find her broken and sad on the sofa after crying herself to sleep. You would never have her admit something is wrong, you would never hear a single complaint coming from her and that's the dangerous thing with the redhead. She is a master at hiding and shielding her emotions, of course, you got her to open up gradually and break those walls down, to get her to open up, get her to be honest, and communicate feelings or things on her mind, just like she would expect of you.

It all started with her physical therapy appointments, for years she has attended those for her back, she would do exercises there or do them at home. You being the mastermind at planning every aspect of your and their lives, you also wrote her appointments in the calendar and usually Wilhemina and Sally would tick of their appointments when finished but inspecting the calendar a bit closer one afternoon, you noticed that she hasn't ticked one off in a very long time.

''Maybe she forgot but went there'' you tried convincing yourself, remembering the many times she has told you she went to an appointment or did the exercises at home when you and Sally would be at work. It wasn't until two days later when you found out the truth, after Wilhemina calling you from work

''Little one, are you free?'' she asked and even though you were sitting in the university library, working of course you said you are because you know whenever Wilhemina calls and needs a favor it's urgent. ''Yes what is it Mina?'' you asked

''Can you call the doctors I need my pain medication again, I'm heading into a meeting now but I can pick up the prescription tomorrow morning'' she let you know and of course you did as she asked.

However, when ringing the doctors office, that you have sometimes rang or been to before when Mina needed something, they informed you that Wilhemina shouldn't be receiving any pain medication for another week, because she should still have some left and on top of that they informed you that she hadn't attended her physical therapy appointments in a while.

When the call ended you felt this silence, despite sitting outside of your university, hearing students talk, cars drive by and even some bird chirping, it was silent. Because that moment was a wakeup call, a slap from reality right in the face, reminding you that Sally isn't the only one fighting her battles even if she fights them more openly.

''It can't be a coincidence'' you tried reminding yourself and as you drove home that day your anxiety was so high, fearing Wilhemina's reaction and confronting her because you knew deep down already, no matter how you would possibly say it, she will be mad.

''For fucks sake Y/N I have attended those shitty appointment and I don't have medication left, those doctors are useless'' she cursed and neither you nor Sally have seen her like that in a while. You debated whether to fight her on this, get her to lash out but in the end admit the truth, let you and Sally in so you could be there for her and comfort her, just that never happened.

''It doesn't matter I will call them myself in the morning'' she told you. This has now been about a week ago and things became a little strange at home, Wilhemina and you wouldn't talk as much, of course, you talked, greeting each other and small talk but there was this huge wall standing between you two, none of you knowing whether to start and break it down.

Your mind being occupied by something entirely different, made it difficult to focus on Wilhemina or Sally in this past week, of course you asked them how they are, you listened, you made them baths, you did anything but university pulled you right into this ocean again, waves of responsibilities and deadlines crashing right at you.

Maybe you pushing away your own problems, stress and anxiety for over a month now, solely focussing on your two girlfriends and their wellbeing, reality and the lack of self care is finally hitting you, causing you to almost collapse on the bathroom floor of your university.

The sad part is that you did it, you finished your thesis about three days ago and today is finally the day where you are allowed to hand it in and finally have the stress come to an end, with no more obligatory classes now and you just having a break until you recieve your grades.

For the past five days or so, you haven't been able to sleep, eat or drink a lot. Of course you would occasionally force yourself to have a bite or some water or fall asleep, sitting in Mina's office in the middle of the night, reading over your thesis and work again and again. Usually before these things Mina would read over it, making sure you didn't get anything mixed up or any spelling mistakes, from all the hours of writing, researching. But within this past week, things have been so strange that you didn't want to ask her.

Still hyperventilating you are pulled out of the buzzing and loud thoughts when you hear your phone ringing. Closing your eyes, you hold your hand out and try reaching for your backpack and you manage to find a strap and pull it onto your body. Momentarily you wrap your arms around your bag as if it was a shield, stopping this crushing feeling in your chest, the pain and the thoughts, as if bullets of thoughts are being shot against you and your backpack shielding you.

But the vibration of your phone is tugging you out of this state yet again, even just for a moment. Somehow you manage to open the zip of your bag and you reach for your phone, the vibration making it easy to find with your eyes still closed, the dizzy feeling still too strong. Finally you manage to open your eyes and see Sally's photo through a blurry vision and you press the green button on your screen and the speaker button next, thinking it will be too much to actually lead the phone to your ear.

''Hi pumpkin'' her angelic voice rings through the speakers and somehow, even in this dark and scary moment you manage to smile. ''He- hey'' you manage to say and you can hear ruffling in the background

''I'm just going to one of my meetings and I was wondering how my pumpkin is doing'' she says and the crushing feeling in your chest, replaces with a fluttering feeling, you feel whenever being referred to as either their little one or pumpkin.

''By the way me and Mina were wondering when is your thesis due?'' she asks while lighting a cigarette in the car. ''I- today'' you say, feeling your breathing very slowly calming down and going to a more normal state.

''Today?'' she asks a bit shocked and she pauses for a moment, confused why you didn't mention that before, knowing how important that is to you. ''Yeah'' you mumble ''How come you didn't tell us, I could have taken you there today pumpkin or Mina could have read it again'' she asks.

Opening your eyes now, you see the time and realize you have to hand in your thesis now so you quickly try and prop yourself up, Sally's voice still right there, making you feel save and relaxed. ''I'm sorry I gotta go I have to hand it in now'' you explain and Sally nods before saying ''Good luck, love you pumpkin''.

After standing up and grabbing your bag slowly, you hold onto the bathroom walls, the last bit of stability that you have right now to hold on to, to shield you and keep you from losing control. After taking one more steady and deep breath, you unlock the door and walk towards the sink, putting some cold water on your wrists and also your face.

You open your backpack and grab a lemon gum because the sour taste usually distracts you from whatever is bothering you and the buzzing thoughts. Finally leaving the bathroom, you walk past the classrooms and hallways filled with students, for what kind of feels like one of the last times.

Your time at university flashes before your eyes in this moment, you see the main entrance and you remember the many times Sally or Mina would take you here on a monday morning after spending a beautiful weekend with them and them not having to go into work until the day later.

The places you stood, like your locker for instance, where Sally would sometimes call you and ask for help or Mina calling you and asking about your day and classes. You remember wandering these halls a few years back, before meeting Sally and Wilhemina and feeling confused as to how on earth you could ever get rid of this lonely feeling or the little skip of your heart, whenever you saw a couple kiss or hold hands. Then just about a year after, you found them and you then knew what it feels like to be held, to be kissed or to intertwine your hands with theirs.

''Oh hi there'' you hear Miss Anderson's voice and suddenly you snap out of your memories and thoughts. ''Hello Miss'' you reply with a polite smile and as you look at her you can see her features changing. ''Oh dear you don't look so well, are you okay?'' she asks and you simply nod, not really wanting to go into any details about your panic attacks or the state you were in moments before, but you can't deny how pale you are and how shaken you seem.

''Have you handed in your thesis yet?'' she asks but you shake your head ''I was just on the way'' you explain and she gives you an emphatic smile before saying ''I was just on my way over there too, come on'' and you follow her to the classroom where you are meant to hand it in.

As you arrive, you see some of your classmates, leaving the classroom, high-fiving each other and leaving with such a relieved and carefree expression, all the assignments, all the stress and exams finally over and the many sleepless nights now feeling like they were worth something.

You are greeted by Miss Parker ''Hi dear'' she greets you and you open your backpack and hand her your thesis with shaky hands, still not completely recovered from the panic attack. She looks at you, then Miss Anderson while retrieving the big folder that you carefully picked, every font, every word filled with so much detail. ''You just need to sign here now'' she explains and you do and she gives you a document after, that confirms you handed the biggest part of your entire work and time here, in now.

''You should probably get home and get some rest after all this exhausting time'' Miss Anderson suggests and you nod before Miss Parker jokingly says ''Oh come on she's young, she should be out celebrating'' and you smile at them before saying ''I will'' without explaining which suggestion you actually referred to and leaving the classroom with a polite smile.

[peeterparkr]

perfidy;tom holland|12

chapter 12: the antagonist

enemies to lovers au/enemies with benefits

chapter summary: 

per·fi·dy /ˈpərfədē/ (noun): 1: the quality or state of being faithless or disloyal: TREACHERY.  2: an act or an instance of disloyalty 3: deceitfulness; untrustworthiness.

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings:  swearing,,alcohol mention, french, tom trying to flirt

word count: 6.9k

here’s a playlist

and here’s another one

and here’s another one inspired by 1D

social media before you read (IMPORTANT FOR THE CHAPTER) :  

during chapter: Sam freaks out. Tom and y/n text and subtweet. Y/N is not jealous.

after chapter: Y/N loves Dirty Dancing. Timmy doesn’t. People reach out and a group chat is made.

previous chapter next chapter series masterlist wanna be tagged?

It was no secret that Timothée was very, very observant. Some people thought he was quiet, he wasn’t, not with the right people. He loved to laugh and make people laugh. He was a simple man. He liked to stay with things that made him happy, and get rid off things that didn’t. He was someone who didn’t need much, if he enjoyed a sunset, he’d stay quiet to watch it. If he found something funny, he laughed. If he liked a song, he listened to it. He wasn’t complicated at all. But he was fascinated by everything, by life, by people. Even if he was simple, he was a man with intense emotions. And he liked complex people. 

Complicated minds. 

Like y/n. He was never bored with her. How delicate she was, and how she put attention in details. How he’d noticed she was a little bit of a kleptomaniac. Not in a bad way. But he noticed how she’d sometimes pick up a pebble when they’d go to their dates near the river, or how she’d keep the movie tickets, or how she’d always pick up maps of whatever places they went to. 

But Timmy, Timmy had feelings. Very strong feelings. 

So of course when he saw what he saw, the love of his life kissing another man, he had to go to the bathroom and wash off his face. He leaned against the sink. Of course he’d seen it coming, but not as soon. 

Not that soon.

He stared at his reflection. He needed to calm down. 

He had spoken about it once with y/n. How heartbreaks can be felt.

It felt like a dagger across his chest, all the way down to his stomach. 

He wished he hadn’t seen this. He hadn’t expected it, not today. Not when he’d seen them ignore each other. What the fuck had led to that kiss? 

Sure, he knew it would come. Not that soon. 

But Timmy had been observant, and he saw the way she looked at him. He knew this was coming. Not that soon. But not that soon. 

But it was so obvious, they had stopped with their usual bickering, she would laugh more. Less fighting. And she’d blush sometimes when Tom looked at her. Of course this all came from the fact that Tom and y/n were spending more time together. Timmy liked to hope that nothing else had happened. 

But after seeing them kiss… he wasn’t that sure. 

Because he’d seen her, laughing when Tom was in makeup or wardrobe as he would actually make sure to make her smile. The way that Tom would playfully smear whatever condiment his lunch was having. Or the way he’d randomly lean over to whisper to her. 

And yes, they had continued with the whole hate speech but it was different. Timothee had noticed. 

And he’d seen Tom. And of course he had seen Tom drooling for his ex girlfriend before. 

How Tom would look at her from the other side of the room, or how he’d actually pay attention to her. Tom could be ignoring everyone in the room but whenever y/n spoke he’d look up, even if it was just to make an insult. 

Or how Tom would turn away whenever y/n kissed Tim. Timothee saw the way Tom would have to clench his jaw and take a deep breath. 

And then y/n’s last birthday. The bloody vinyl. It didn’t technically bother him, because y/n had smiled but Tom was so obvious. 

But he wasn’t sure that y/n felt the same, y/n had been so keen on making sure everyone knew she hated him. And she genuinely did. But what about now? 

Because she looked hurt whenever Tom walked into a room, especially at the beginning of their relationship. Tim had never known what had happened between them. The uncertainty had him anxious. 

Especially because he knew it was related to the night they’d met. Not sure why he thought so. 

But he knew y/n had been so difficult to start dating and to tumble down her walls. But he’d fallen in love with her from the first moment he’d seen her. He remembered her, running into the classroom, with her hair wet from the rain and a coffee in her hand, as she was carrying tons of bags. Not sure what for. 

And she’d quietly snuck into the back, and made a mess while pulling out that old notebook. Too old fashioned. 

And he remembered how she’d dropped her stuff making everyone turn around to see her, and that had made Timothee laugh under his breath. 

And then when they started to actually talk, after the night in the club, he remembered how y/n had been… sad. And he’d seen her blossom again, slowly. Then she finally accepted to go on a date with him, and she’d been so nervous and quiet but giggly. He remembered how she had been reserved, but then she’d kissed his cheek. Timmy knew she still had one of the flowers he’d given her. 

And that’s all it took him to fall in love with her and knowing he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. 

They were meant to be, it was so ridiculous. Their favourite movies, their favourite colors. It seemed stupid not to think they were meant for each other. 

But maybe she didn’t think that way. Because Tom… Tom. 

But this all came to 4 months ago. He hadn’t gotten down in one knee, but he knew y/n, so he might have stolen the idea from her favourite movie. A film canister. And he remembered giving it to her, it was a little inside joke they had. He’d give her little notes in them. 

But he hadn’t expected her reaction. You know, usually, Timmy was so observant that he could know what could happen. How did he not see that she’d say no? How could he know she’d open the film canister and not want the ring inside it. 

Timmy knew y/n wasn’t an ‘I love you’ giver, she didn’t say it that much. She had her own way of saying it. ‘Shut up, you’re an idiot.’ ‘Oh my god, you’re sooo silly’ ‘You’re dumb.’ Yes, not the best. but Tim had caught on to it. 

But she hadn’t said it that one time. 

Shed just stayed quiet, and she had simply stopped saying it. But she’d said those words: ‘Tim, I need you to know that I love you but right now I’m not ready for this.’ 

And that’s when it had gone downhill. Because love blinds us. And she’s stopped saying it. She’d say: ‘I love you’, but it didn’t feel like it. She didn’t say “you’re so silly,” and roll her eyes with a smile. Not anymore. 

And well, he’d been blinded again if he thought y/n wouldn’t go running to Tom after Tim told her too. 

Timmy wasn’t of the jealous type, he trusted y/n. But when y/n had said those words 3 months ago, he’d been conflicted. Drunk words are sober thoughts, and y/n had said it: ‘There’s still a part of me that will always wonder if Tom’s the love of my life.’ 

But Tom wasn’t. He couldn’t be. 

Was it too pretentious of Tim to believe he was the one for y/n? But he couldn’t stop himself from thinking that, even if they were barely lies. Even if right now he could barely trust himself. 

Or y/n. But right now, he knew this wasn’t y/n trying to hurt him. 

Not really. 

But Tom couldn’t be the love of her life, because Tom… was her perfidy. Tim had told her once. 

“He will gain my trust and then betray it, on purpose,” Y/N had said. 

“Perfidy.” 

Y/N had looked up, frowning, as she was scattering around a storyboard. “Hm?” 

What had Tom done this time? He couldn’t even remember. 

Tim was on her bed, throwing a ball up and down. “Such a pretty word for such a horrible feeling,” explained Timmy as he turned to her. “It was used in the context of war, when someone pretends to be good to earn their enemies trust just to deliberately betray them.” 

“Perfidy, yes… That’s Tom, my perfidy.” 

Why was she kissing her perfidy? 

But Tim wanted to turn into her perfidy right now, so of course he had to stop it. If she was so in love with the idea of someone hurting her, did he have to? And he wouldn’t. 

He, with rage controlling every muscle in his body, went for the choreographer, claiming Tom was looking for him. Timmy wasn’t stupid, he wouldn’t walk in. Y/N didn’t need to know he’d seen them. 

Tim probably needed a cigarette, or two or three. He needed to calm down.

But he walked in 5 minutes after the choreographer, and he noticed how y/n’s smile could brighten up the whole room. And her sight was on Tom and only Tom. 

She was sitting down, watching Tom rehearsing. She didn’t even notice Timmy was in the room as well. 

And then he heard her: 

“Oh my god, Thomas stop, you’re an idiot.” 

That’s when he had walked out of that room. But he still had some hope. Tom, after all, was her perfidy. Timothee had to wait until Tom betrayed y/n again. 

And after that, y/n had noticed that Tim had changed. The next days were different. Tim would avoid her. He didn’t even look her in the eyes. But y/n thought it was for the best. 

But Tom had been different, too. He hadn’t asked her out again, but they haven’t… had anything else either. 

Well, maybe, almost.

 After seeing Tom dance, and after that kiss it was no secret y/n was left with hunger for more. So of course, when he’d finished she had made sure nobody was watching, she’d placed her hands on the sides of his head and kissed him. 

He’d kissed back right away, of course, his hands in her waist as he had pulled her closer. But he had immediately pulled back. 

“No, y/n, I want to do this right, I mean it. No more… Whatever this is, I want to do this right.” 

And that had y/n thinking. And y/n would spend more time with him, even more time with him. But they had kept their bickering. 

And she had been able to write more and keep sending her little notes to Alessandra. 

Sam had come to set once and he’d been particularly weird, watching y/n very observantly. And he’d asked about Timmy. But it hurt, because Timmy wasn’t around anymore. Y/N had cried once about it, at home, when nobody saw her. 

But when Sam and Haz had come to set, Tom had… been nice. Y/N hadn’t, she had to keep up the whole hatred act going on. 

“Hey, but what’s up with that group chat?” Y/N asked. “I really need some context” 

“I don’t know,” Sam chuckled. “Haz?” 

“Ah, I don’t know,” Haz grinned. “I just love enemies who fall in love with each other.” 

Y/N frowned. “Ah, yeah, good trope, kind of impossible in real life.” 

“Is it really?” Harrison smirked.

“Yes, because they’re enemies, and enemies usually disagree on everything, so,” Y/N rolled her eyes. “But why did you make that group-”

“Let’s see if your enemy agrees,” he smirked. “Tom?” 

Tom looked up from his phone. “Yeah?” 

“Thoughts on enemies falling in love with each other?” Haz smirked. 

Sam snickered. 

Tom rolled his eyes. “Impossible.” 

“Huh, he agrees with you,” Harrison laughed. “Who would’ve thought?” 

That hadn’t stopped. 

And it hadn’t really stopped. 

“You’re an idiot.” 

“You’re silly.” 

It hadn’t stopped. Like that day when y/n had told Tom she’d do his makeup and made him look like a clown. Y/N had laughed all day about it. Haz had been there too. 

“Huh, funny, y/n is once again making a clown out of you,” he had said. 

But something had changed. Tom was… nicer. Actual gentleman. And he would find excuses to randomly touch her, like pulling her hair back, or lifting up her chin, and pointing out her outfits. He’d kissed her cheek once. Y/N had thought about it since. So sweet. 

But she seemed like a teenager all over again. 

 Especially because they had talked about where he wanted to go with this. 

“When will you finally let me ask you out,” Tom asked once after hours on set, they were going to go hang out with the cast and crew. They’d be leaving in a few days to New York to continue filming. Y/N was texting Tim if he was going to go, too. Tim didn’t answer. 

Y/N didn’t know why he had all of sudden become so cold but he’d said to her that he was giving her her space. But y/n missed Tim. You know, it’s normal, she was so used to having him around. Even as a friend. 

“Why do you even want to ask me out?” Y/N asked, looking up. Tom was driving. “Please I need to know, you already got what you wanted,” Y/N pointed out. 

“What?” He chuckled. “What do I even want?” 

“We’ve slept together Tom, we don’t need to sugar coat it, we could keep up-” 

“Who said that’s what I want.” 

“What else would you want, dumbass?” She wondered. 

Tom chuckled. “A date’s goal is not to have sex with someone.” 

“Well, what’s your goal?” She rolled her eyes. 

“I dunno, y/n,” he sighed. “And though your clothes look prettier on the floor, that’s not where I’m trying to go with-- I mean,” he coughed. “I want that, too, you know? But--I also want to make you smile.” 

She chuckled. “You do that already,” she grinned.

“Oh yes, but I do that with everybody,” he chuckled. 

“You’re an idiot,” she stated. 

“Well, yeah, but I’m trying to be your idiot,” he gulped. “Like hold your stupid hand whenever I want to and shit.” 

“Hold my stupid hand?” She giggled

“Yes, and...cuddle you,” he cleared his throat. “Aggressively cuddle you, I mean.” 

 “Tom Holland are you trying to flirt with me?” She smirked. 

He laughed. “Been trying to for the past month but thanks for noticing.” 

Y/N looked at him. “Well, what exactly is your goal?” 

Tom pursed his lips. “A relationship, didn’t you get it from what I just told you?” 

That’s when y/n had gone quiet. The question had remained in the air. Her chest had curled up, and she had to look out the window. 

“Y/N?” He asked, with fear. 

She kept quiet, for a bit more. Until they arrived. 

“When?” She finally asked, as he’d parked. 

Tom’s eyes widened. “What?” 

She cleared her throat. “When would this… date take place?” 

“Are you accepting?” He grinned. 

“We’re leaving soon to New York and I need to… pack,” she looked away. “And tomorrow I know you’re going out with James and I am going out with my friends so…When?” 

“Leave that to me,” He grinned, and he’d kissed her cheek. 

Timmy was there, for sure. And he had glanced at y/n, and he’d clenched his jaw when he saw Tom had pulled out the chair for y/n, and sat right beside her. 

Timmy had ignored y/n. 

But Timmy hadn’t played fair. 

“So, Mads, Tom,” Tim grinned, the dinner was honestly going phenomena. “You guys have excellent chemistry.” 

“We do!” Madison grinned. 

Tom chuckled. “Huh.” 

“Yeah, why don’t you guys date,” Tim had pushed. 

Maddison grinned. “Huh, Tom had asked me out once but—“

“Oh, you did, Tom?” Timmy asked. 

Y/N only turned slightly to look at him. 

“I—Only asked you for lunch, I think we’re good as friends Mads, let’s keep it professional,” Tom had answered, glaring at Tim. 

The night continued, Tom had rested his arm behind y/n’s back. And Tim kept playing that game he had. As if he was trying to prove something to Tom. And he decided to stop ignoring y/n, a little too much for Tom’s convenience. 

“No, but—His face!” Timmy laughed. “No, y/n here—I swear, you remember right?” 

“Stop,” y/n laughed. “Sometimes I am super stupid!” 

“Half an hour, trying to get directions, imagine this! No one speaks French but me, and y/n had taken like 4 lessons!” Tim laughed. “That didn’t stop her from claiming she is soooo good at french, and she was the one who wanted to speak!” 

“I—I was okay,” y/n laughed. “Hey, you were my teacher! If anything this is your fault.” 

““But—“This other guy, blue shirt, name is not important. “how bad could it be? Mispronouncing one word?“

“no, it was bad!” Y/N laughed. 

“Okay, but there is a difference, okay? Between poutine and putain!” Timothee laughed. “But okay, okay, she went completely serious, and she just approached the old man, she was—She was going for it,” Tom grinned. “And she goes with this face,” Tim sucked in his cheeks. “High pitched voice: ‘excusez-moi, monsieurrrr, ou est-ce-que nous—-pouvons? Pouvons? Trouver…. PUTAIN!” 

Y/N covered her face. Tom chuckled. 

“Why—what does that mean?” Tom frowned, angry that y/n clearly still had that connection and dynamic with Tim. 

“So you see, poutine is a Canadian dish, and putain.... Means whore. Basically she asked where we could get whores instead of poutine! Big difference y/n!” Tim laughed. 

The whole table burst into laughter.

“Wait, how do you guys know each other?” Maddison asked, watching Tim and y/n. “I—I mean I know Tom and y/n are childhood friends but you, Timmy?” 

Y/N cleared her throat. 

“Well—Uh,” Tim smiled sadly. 

“They went to college together,” Tom was the one to answer. 

“We used to date,” Tim said. 

Maddison widened her sight. “Oh, and what happened?” Maddison chuckled. “You guys have great chemistry.” 

Tim locked eyes with y/n but then he glanced at Tom. 

y/n cleared her throat. “Well, Mads, that’s a story for another time.” 

Tom shrugged. “Sometimes it doesn’t work out, it’s no big deal.” 

Tim clenched his jaw. “Yeah, and we… We were supposed to be apart but then y/n took this job, so… Who knows?” Timmy grinned at y/n. 

Y/N took a long sip of her drink. 

Tom also wanted to play that game, which had basically turned into a ‘who has more anecdotes with y/n’ kind of game. 

“No, but we actually knocked the piano over,” Tom explained, between laughs. 

“Why?” Someone else, green t-shirt, asked. “How do you knock a piano over?” 

“We are enemies,” y/n explained. “And sometimes—“She chuckled. “We went too far.” 

Tom had proven that he had more. But they all seemed… Different. Tom realized how different from the stories Timmy had his own stories were. Because Timmy built it up, in a way that made Tom boil up with jealousy again as if he was reliving it again. 

But then he’d pulled out the card, the whole, I’ve known her my whole life, and he’d be winning again. But Timmy. Timmy didn’t even make it seem like a competition. He was just.. Being Timmy. Proving that even if he’d known her for only three years, he knew y/n. 

And they continued with that game, until y/n had caught on to it. She was not amused. 

But she had ignored them, both. She was angry, Tom could notice. 

“Hey so—I bought a Polaroid,” Tom said almost at the end of the evening. 

Y/N had stopped, to look at him.  “You what?” 

“Yeah,” Tom said, as he pulled it out. “So, we might as well take a picture all together, yeah?” 

Tim had also been skeptical. 

And they had taken a picture. 

Timmy had kissed y/n’s cheek to say goodbye. 

When they were making the way back to the car, Tom was still looking at the picture. And still thinking about the way Tim had placed his lips against y/n, so slowly. As if trying to prove something to Tom. 

“Wait, y/n?” 

She looked back at him. 

“Can I take a picture of you, idiot?” Tom asked. 

She rolled her eyes with a smile. “No.”

“Why not?” He frowned, quickly reaching out for her, taking her hand. 

“What for? So you can give it to Tim and prove a point?” She asked. 

He pursed his lips. “No, to keep this moment.” 

She coughed as she tried to avoid his gaze.  “You know, I’m not amused by whatever you were doing, both of you--” 

“He started.” 

“He didn’t,” she crossed her arms. “And if you think that this is a game and--” 

“Well, I’m winning, anyway, I’m the one taking you home.” 

“So I’m a prize?” She snapped. 

“No, no I didn’t…” Tom squeezed his eyes shut. “No, I’m sorry.” 

Y/N believed in little things that made up a person, certain events, songs, and even insignificant things, like a beer cap or a napkin stained with lipstick. There are times when it’s impossible to take a picture and even more impossible to take a polaroid. Like after she’d danced with Tom. She really didn’t want to read much into it, because he knew how Tom was. Tim had said it, Tom was her perfidy. 

But she had wanted to take a picture. 

She hugged herself, watching him

“Do you even know how to use a Polaroid?” She questioned him.

“It’s just taking a picture, y/n,” he looked away. “Forget it.” 

“And what kind of moment is there to keep here?” She wondered. “Walking in a parking lot?” 

He scoffed. “The fact you  accepted to go out with me.” 

She smiled. “Ah, but I didn’t say yes, did I?” She smirked. 

His eyes widened. “But I thought—“

“Sh, let’s just take that damn picture, silly,” she grinned as she took the camera off his hands, leaned over to his side. 

Tom blinked but then leaned away, as she smiled as she snapped the picture. 

He stared down as she waited for the picture to dry out, he placed a soft loving kiss to her cheek. 

She blushed and then blinked, looking at himself “Now let's go, dumbass,” she cleared her throat. 

He snickered watching her. 

“Dumbass in a… cute and caring way,” she added, before coughing away the awkwardness. 

This was going to be different. 

Tom had changed. Of course, he had to be subtle otherwise he knew y/n would go insane. But little by little he had been nicer, he wondered if she’d noticed. It seemed that after that very one particular kiss, y/n had sensed something changing, too. But he could only pretend to be her enemy for just a little bit longer. Of course, some habits couldn’t wear out but this was… different. 

Y/N seemed to be conflicted, though. There were times when he saw her building up her walls, and being defensive but just as if she was reminded of something, she’d let loose.

His brother and friend had noticed a change, too. Texting, all day. And they’d said that y/n had been too observant. Haz had been bothering y/n in front of Tom: 

“You were totally checking him out.” 

“I was not,” Y/N had said. 

“Don’t worry, he checks you out all the time, too.” 

Of course, he wanted to kill Harrison. 

But he knew y/n was being defensive. But there old habits that didn’t wear out, like him casually pushing her away when he walked by. Or her flipping him off whenever he looked at her. 

“Dumbass” “Idiot.” “Stupid.” Those weren’t going to go away. 

But they were flirting. 

And now she’d accepted a date. And Tom had to think of a date. Would they have their first date in New York? They couldn’t. 

Tom had gone to her apartment by surprise to help her pack.

It was only for two weeks but he, as stupid and cheesy as it may seem, wanted to make sure she packed outfits for what he had planned. 

But it didn’t make sense, did it? He knew he couldn’t—the dates couldn’t be usual. 

And then his mind was going places to where the date would go, he did have a certain idea. But he was debating on little details? Did he have to get her flowers? 

He knew she loved flowers. But he couldn’t just choose yellow flowers. But what other kind of flowers? He remembered how difficult it was to choose flowers for her, how does one choose flowers for a girl who has a garden in her eyes? 

“What are you doing?” Y/N asked, as she was folding some clothes but she looked up as Tom was looking at her wall full of Polaroids and picked up a hanger. 

“I’m— going to hang this one,” Tom smirked as he fanned the picture they’d taken at the parking lot. 

Y/N laughed. “And who says I want your silly face hanging there?” 

He chuckled as he walked over, wrapping his arms around her waist. “You don’t?”

“No.” 

“I’m going to hang it out anyway,” he claimed with a smile and then placed a kiss on her cheek. 

She rolled her eyes. 

She cleared out her throat after a while, as Tom was only admiring her wall.

“So—Uh, what exactly?” She cleared her throat. “Should I pack for—the date?“ 

He grinned. “Ah, right,” he chuckled. “Well all your clothes are ugly so it doesn’t matter.” 

“You’re right, you’re going to be showing your stupid face so it won’t matter,” she snapped. “Hey… wait toss me that pink scarf from that top drawer, idiot.” 

“Top—?”he stared at the drawers and decided to randomly open one. And that definitely was pleased with that drawer. “Oh.” 

“What?” 

A drawer full of lingerie. 

“Yeah these—All of this drawer is coming.” 

Y/N looked up. “Huh?” 

He smirked as he pulled out a very nice set of pink bikini lingerie. Very, very nice. With flowers. “Especially this one,” he waved the two pieced set in the air. “This, this one is for the date.” 

“Oh my god,” y/n ran over to try and pull it off his hands and close the drawer. “That was not the top drawer, oh my god, you’re so stupid.” 

Tom lifted up his hand and ran away with the set as he couldn’t stop laughing. Y/N rushed after him.

“Thomas!” 

And he was faster than her, but this felt like when they were kids, when Tom stole something from y/n. This felt so familiar. 

“Thomas, oh my god,” she continued as he rushed back to her bedroom and casually placed it in her suitcase. 

“That, you’re wearing that,” he smirked, as she punched him in his arm. “That’s the outfit for the date. 

“No,” she took it out. 

Tom grinned again, placing it back in. “Yes.” 

“There won’t be a date now,” she rolled her eyes, chuckling. 

“Why not?” He pouted. “That’s a great outfit.” 

“Because you’re acting like a child,” she said, chuckling, still embarrassed as she took the set back where it belonged. 

Tom rushed after her, hugging her from behind. “Well, not for the date but you should pack it anyway,” he grinned. 

“Just in case?” She laughed. 

“Oh, no, I’m 100% sure you’ll end up wearing it,” he sassed, hands in her waist, brushing his lips against her ear, fanning his breath against her neck. 

“I wouldn’t be that sure, idiot, the odds are actually very small,” she laughed, pushing him away. 

But he pulled her back to him, staring at her lips. “Why?” 

He grinned. 

“Because I’m still deciding whether or not I want to do this,” she bit her lip, watching him. 

“I’m not trying to break your heart this time, you know,” he reminded her as he cupped her cheeks. 

“No, but I’m afraid I am,” she had said. 

He didn’t know what that meant, and though he was dying to kiss her, he hadn’t. He didn’t. He couldn’t, he had to do it right. 

He helped her again, and he might or might have not slipped the set in again, she didn’t say anything this time. 

“What’s… this?” Tom asked as he was lurking through her closet, he found two shoeboxes. One said Tim, one said Tom. He frowned. 

Y/N looked up again, with fear, not wanting to deal with yet another shenanigan made by Tom. 

“What?” 

“It’s got my name in it,” Tom pointed out. And then y/n rushed to shut her closet door closed, realizing what he’d seend.

“None of your business,” she said, with a nervous smile.

“What is it?” He chuckled nervously. 

“Nothing,” she emphasized. 

He frowned. “Why do you have a Tim box? And why do you have a Tom box?” 

Y/N looked away. “Nothing.” 

He poked her sides. “Y/N?” 

“The…”She closed her eyes. “The TIm box is stuff that belongs to him that I haven't’ had the guts to give him back.” 

“And… the one with my name?” 

She shrugged, calmly. “That’s where I keep track of your schedule, you know I hate using the phone calendar, so it’s there.” 

“May I see it?” Tom asked. 

“No, because you’re going to mess everything up,” she said, pushing him away, and then pulling him to the front door. “Now, it’s getting late and you should probably leave because I need to get ready to hang out with my friends.” 

And he was going to hang out with James. Not sure why James seemed so cold lately. They’d have a beer. Tom kept thinking about the box. 

Tom saw James as a big brotherly figure, in a way that James had constantly given him advice and in a way that James was not afraid to call him out on his bullshit. But it was also kind of scary. Especially due to the fact that Tom now felt guilty that he’d slept with y/n, and Tom knew how protective James was when it came to y/n. 

Of course, you know, the first chit chat that’s only catching up wasn’t intense. But Tom was sweating, because he feared that James would ask him about it. And he was scared because he had once heard James say: ‘Tim is the one for y/n, they’re so perfect for each other it’s ridiculous.’ 

And James was the first one to call Tom out whenever he’d crossed lines with y/n. James understood that they had the whole enemies thing, but James didn’t let Tom pull any kind of bad bullshit. 

However, James didn’t know about the yellow flowers. At least, Tom thought so. 

But Tom wasn’t really paying attention; he was wondering what exactly that box could have. 

“So, what’s going on with y/n?” James blurted out.

 Tom almost spat his beer as he had to cough away his choking. “Hm?”

James laughed, rolling his eyes. “Are you not going to tell me?” 

Tom felt sweat falling down his forehead as he stared at the older brother of the love of his life. Suddenly he regretted every single thing he’d pulled over the last month, from sleeping with her to waving around her underwear. 

“Tell--tell you what?” Tom played dumb. 

James watched Tom, and rolled his eyes scoffing. “Tom.” 

Tom started to peel off the paper from the beer. “What?” 

“She told me.” 

“What—did she tell you?” Tom’s heart felt like it was going to pop right out of his chest.

James watched him. “That you asked her out…” He cackled. “Was she… supposed to tell me anything else?” 

Tom felt his soul coming back to his body. He blushed as he let out a nervous snicker. “Ah, yeah. No, I mean, no that’s it but—Yeah I asked her out.” 

“Well, that’s such a turn of events right?” James asked. “I thought you—hated her.” 

Tom stared at his beer. 

“I’m in love with her,” Tom stated. 

James watched him, took a sip of his beer. “Okay. So?”

Tom frowned. “Aren’t you… surprised?”

“Oh, sorry,” James cleared his throat. “That’s brand new information!” He faked surprise. 

Tom frowned. “What?” 

“Okay, I know that, you haven’t been subtle and while all of you were running around pretending to be enemies, me, the grown up noticed a lot of things.” 

Tom felt betrayed. He didn’t know why but he was offended. Why wasn’t he surprised? Sam and Haz had been… A little. But this was his best kept secret and James knew. 

“What?” Tom repeated. 

“Please you’ve been drooling over her your whole life,” James pushed. “I… I am only wondering, what’s up with this?” 

“Well uh---” 

“And what about Harry?” James questioned. “Because, Tom, this…He’s your brother, and I know you, I’ve seen you toy around with y/n and act all adorable but the moment Harry walks in you push her away, and you break her heart, and look, right now, she… She doesn’t have to deal with that kind of crap, alright?” 

Tom watched him. “I know, I fucked up, but now… I… I really want to work this out.” 

“Look, Tom, you’re… You’re my friend, okay?” James squeezed his eyes shut. “But she’s my sister and she comes first, and I don’t want you fooling around with her, okay? Besides… I don’t know how she’s going to react to all of this, alright?” 

“Well, she seems to be up for it,” Tom sighed. “I’m not trying to fool around, I genuinely love her.” 

James watched him and took a deep breath. “What about Tim?”

Tom clenched his jaw. “What about him?” 

“I dunno,” James sighed. “I’d be nervous having around the man who proposed to the woman I love.” 

“Tim… proposed?” 

That was… Now that was brand new information. 

Y/N wasn’t far from there, having dinner with her friends, Charlie and Danielle, whom she really hadn’t talked to in a while. They’d spoken about life, about Joe Holt, whom was now also hitting on Danielle, but had asked about y/n, and about Charlie’s tinder experience. 

Y/N had been quiet. She had been thinking about Tom. And Tim, who had been texting her since that dinner. She wondered if she was doing the right thing. Because now guilt was invading her. 

And she was confused. Was she falling back in love with Tom? And how dangerous was it to fall in love when she was writing about it? 

When Tom had left, she’d opened Timmy’s box. A box full of secrets, of napkins, of movie tickets and beer caps, of an egg shell from the first time he’d ever made breakfast for her, and sweeteners of their first café date.  Of memories and film canisters. 

One very special film canister. 

But she was thinking about Tom’s box. One filled with both good and bad memories. Dried out yellow flowers, and lipsticks she hadn’t touched in years because he’d kissed those. With scripts she’d written for them. And now, with a beer cap, from the first night they’d slept together. The package of pasta of when he’d cooked dinner for her, and now she’d taken that polaroid he’d hung to place it in her box, to remember the day he’d asked her out.

She didn’t want to ruin this. She really didn’t want to break his heart, she had to stop. 

“Okay, spill it,” Charlie smirked. “Y/N I can’t believe you literally have to work for your wrost enemy and have your ex there!” 

“I wouldn’t be able to do it,” Danielle pointed out. “How’s it going?” 

Like hell. Y/N would be lying if she admitted that she would constantly be very stressed out. She cried, a lot. Besides, she was making a fool of herself. Who was she trying to kid? She was falling back in love with Tom. But then she still had feelings for Timmy. Because Timmy was perfect. 

“It’s been fine,” she lied. 

“Have you fucked Tom, yet?” Charlie asked. 

Y/N blushed. “Why do you always assume--?” 

“Ah, please, y/n, it’s all over you, you’ve got that glow everybody talks about, you’ve been getting laid so I can only assume it’s...No,” he paused himself. “Are you sleeping with perfect Timmo boy?” 

Danielle chirped. “Oh my God, yes, you should get back together with him you made a perfect couple!” 

“Honestly, yes, you guys were maaaade for each other,” Charlie sang. 

Y/N only sipped of her cosmo. 

“No, I didn’t sleep with Tim.” 

Charlie watched her with a proud smirk. “Fine, don’t tell us… By the way Alessandra is loving everything you’re sending her,” Charlie laughed. “She said she’s doing your script, no doubt.” 

Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose. This couldn’t be happening. “But I don’t want to write it anymore.” 

“What do you mean?” Danielle frowned. “It’s brilliant, I asked Alessandra today what it’s about and it’s brilliant! Enemies with benefits! How did you even come up with that?” 

Y/N stayed quiet. 

“Yes, the whole enemies to lovers, 80’s couple, revenge party kind of thing, it’s amazing,” Charlie added. “I love it, you should be proud of yourself.” 

Y/N only sipped more. “I can’t--” 

“Why not?” Danielle frowned. 

Charlie then stopped to stare at y/n, as if he was connecting two and two. “Wait a minute.” 

Y/N rubbed her face. 

“You slept with Tom,” Charlie whispered. “You’re shitting me,” he pitched his voice. “You’re.. Shit, you’re kidding me, you’re.. You’re enemies with benefits with Tom.” 

Danielle’s eyes widened as her mouth o-shaped with surprise. 

“Sh, sh, ‘kay, yes, yes, I…” Y/N squeezed her eyes shut. “But… Look, I need to stop this, I need to change the script now, okay? I can’t write about this, it’s fucked up, I know it’s wrong and…I well.” 

“You caught feelings,” Charlie smirked. 

“What?” 

“How do you even know this?” Danielle frowned. 

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Please a woman in love is easy to give away, and y/n here has always been in love with Tom so…” Charlie chuckled. “You’re in love, aren’t you?” 

“Maybe,” y/n admitted. “No... Not in love. I’m not sure. I dunno. But okay, he asked me out and I think… I think it would be nice, you know?” 

Charlie nodded. “But you’re afraid he’ll find the script.” 

“Yes because it’ll blow up in my face,” y/n said. 

Charlie nodded. “But then again…”He paused. “Look, I’ve been reading the script, you know Alessandra always makes me edit everything,” he remembered. “And from what I’ve caught on so far is you’re really trying to get your revenge because he broke your heart, I don’t know what’s fiction or not but you’ve made it clear he was an asshole.” 

Y/N stayed quiet. 

Danielle blinked. “And was he?” 

“Yes,” y/n sighed. “But…” 

“But?” Charlie watched her. “y/n, what do you want?” 

“I don’t know anymore,” she sighed. “I… have feelings for him.” 

“But you also said he was your… What did you call him? This weird word, that meant someone who’s only trying to get your trust to break your heart or some poetic shit like that?” 

“I know,” y/n said. “I… Just...I want to believe this time it’s different and I… don’t want to break his heart.” 

“But what if he breaks yours? What if he keeps on with that weird word, because look, y/n, even as much as I tried to ship you with him, deep down I’ve seen how shitty he’s been with you,” Charlie continued. 

Danielle nodded. “That’s true, whenever he’s been at your parties, he was a really big asshole.” 

Y/N nodded. 

“He doesn’t have to find the script,” Charlie said. “Make sure he doesn’t and--” 

“But what if they film it,” Y/N pushed. “What will I say then?”

“The story is different enough, I’m sure, I didn’t get it was you and Tom, but only because I know you and because Alessandra made sure to ask it was a based in real events kind of thing, but nobody else knows about it, it’s set in the 80’s, and if he asks about it--” 

“But it’s…” 

“Is it the same story?” Charlie questioned. 

“No,” y/n shook her head. “No, I’ve made sure it’s different enough, I’ve only… made sure it’s about enemies with benefits and her trying to get her revenge but no, it’s got nothing to do with me, but you see the problem, right?” 

“Well, I do,” Charlie admitted. “But--- You could say that it was only inspired by it.” 

“That’s true...But do you really love him?” Danielle asked. 

Y/N stayed quiet. 

“Don’t you think he’ll break your heart first?” Charlie pushed. 

Yes. He was going to break her heart first. 

“He was that weird word, wasn’t he? what was it? Danielle I told you about it, how it was such a great word!”Charlie attempted to recall. 

“Oh!” Danielle closed her eyes. “Yes, yes… Uh, serendipity?” 

Charlie laughed. “No, that’s the movie with John Cuscak, but I know a word for you… stupidity.” 

“It was something like… perdifidity,” Danielle recalled. 

“Perfidy,” y/n said. “Yeah, he’ll probably commit perfidy.” 

“So, when he does, then you’ll...be ready with your own perfidy,” Charlie said. “It’s only fair.” 

But she really didn’t want to commit perfidy. 

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[readbyred]

“Pathetic” Ted Spankoffski x Reader

a gender neutral, reverse hurt/comfort fic

warnings: cursing; mild sexual comments; a very tired dyslectic author

Lately, things haven’t been going so well for Ted. Charlotte broke things off for good and it was far from pretty, the atmosphere was crushing to be honest. And so with time he latched onto Paul more and more, using his best friend as a distraction from his own life and failiures. Unfortunately his companion seemed to be a bit distracted and not very eager to spend time, at least less so than usually. Ted pinned the fault on a crush of his, Emma, one of the baristas at a nearby caffee. She was hot and would be great if onyl she didn’t speak, or at least that’s what he told Paul. His friend didn’t seem to agree for some reason. But that’s how it was, in Ted’s opinion. She always got offended for so many small things and tried to make him out to be the bad guy of every confrontation. But it wasn’t Ted’s fault that their uniform shorts were so short and besides one or two comments were just a given considering how good her and her coworkers looked in them. But she always had something to say, a name to call him or even a complaint to make, if her boss was around. But even then it was all fun and games. Until one day it wasn’t.

It all started “innocently” as he considered it. He spotted Paul using the stairs on the opposide side of the building. Some time ago his friend had stopped using the ones by Ted’s office, for one reason or another. And so they made their way together, Ted trying to get some information out of him as to how things with Emma were. Finally after a conversation more painful than pulling teeth Paul announced that he was going to ask Emma out. It was a big step and it surprised Ted but after some teasing he promised not to blow this. So far so good and it wasn’t until they stood in the line, inside the cafe, that it went downhill.

It was meant to be a harmless comment, he knew Emma found them at least a bit funny too, for sure. Nothing bad, he just asked whet else could she do for a tip if she didn’t want to sing. She already looked very annoyed, he never expected her to appreciate his humour and so he nudged Paul saying that he might give her a different tip if she didn’t want his money. That, for reasons unknown to Ted, crossed the line and Emma whipped around to face them frustrated. She turned to Paul to announce that although she liked him around if his friend was going “to come around only to be a gross creep” then they might as well just go to starbucks instead, since she “didn't go to this shitty job to get harassed”

Ted didn’t even get to say that technically, he wasn’t doing anything wrong because Paul who was now done with awkwardly apologizing to his very pissed off crush, dragged him out of the Beanies, furious. They didn’t talk and to be honest Ted started to feel a bit anxious inside, like a child feels when they tip off their parent in public and know what will await them home.

But that was just how he was! A sleazeball, a jerk, a horny bastard at best. He didn’t want to accept that same persona that was now basically his whole self could have gotten him in trouble with his best friend. And he was never a fan of feeling guilty in general so as soon as he realised that Paul wasn’t going to address it he turned to the first person that asked what happened.

It was Bill who questioned the situation first and although he asked Paul what was up the younger man seemed not to be in the mood to talk and so there was Ted, ready to offer his, very objective, point of view. Leaning on the wall of Bill’s cubicle he announced, trying to sound like he didn't care that he obviously did something bad.

“His grumpy barista got pissed for no reason” chuckling nervously he exclaimed glancing over at Paul working on his computer and ignoring him “it’s not my fault she’s so stiff, alright? And there are many more girls than her, it’s her loss, ey?”

No response. Bill seemed to glance at Paul pitifully.

“Oh, come on! You can do better anyways! And as your best friend I-”

“Can you shut up?” Paul didn’t raise his voice but he as well might have, the tone he was using was way worse. He fully turned to face his older coworker, and for a very long time in a while Ted was, in fact quiet. As he spoke however he became more visibly frustrated “Can you finally stop following me around when I don’t want to be followed, trying to insert yourself into EVERY conversation i have and ruining everything with your gross comments? Why can’t you take the hint? We are not friends, you- you’re just this guy, a guy from work that’s just there when no one wants him to and is just too... pathetic for anyone to directly tell him that''

Ted’s face went blank as Paul let out his years worth of frustrations.

Ted often heard those words. “Pathetic” yes, he was familiar with the term more than anyone. It was alongside such titles as “annoying” “sad” “lonely” “disposable” “a nobody” something he heard often. Sometimes from Sylvia who worked on the top floor and had no real fun qualities besides looking hot (in his opinion). Other times from Emma who would be a decent friend if she wasn't so annoyingly ‘horny for Paul’.

Most of the time he said them himself though. It was normal, you know. A truth he accepted without any brooding except for those lonely nights in his apartment where he drank and let his emotions out. But it hurt no less to hear such remarks be thrown at him from someone like Paul. Someone who, despite his flaws seemed to be genuinely liked by people around him and wanted around. But if Paul wasn't his friend did he have anyone else at all? Not only in his job but in general. After all he didn’t have much besides his work life.

In his youth he was a nerdy little kid that quickly bloomed into a bitter, insecure adult, no magical glow up or ‘it gets better after high school” crap. When he got this job sometime after college, still a mess after that happened a few autumns earlier, he thought he found his place.

Even if he never felt very wanted he liked it here a lot. Only now had he realized he might have been the only one to see it as such. Was he just as sad as everyone apparently saw him as?

That moment made him way too conscious of his own existence and choices, it was no longer a matter of convincing himself that it's all in his head now that the truth was out and clear, the words hanging in the heavy air seemingly for the whole world to see.

And to be fair he had no arguments against the claim, because how sad that was to consider his coworkers, coworkers that apparently hated his guts, the closest people he had?

Because sure, Bill was stiff and boring but there was a certain dose of fun in their usual banter. Sylvia always knew all the gossip from the office and wasn’t all that bad at times. Melissa was always fun to hang around and even brought him lunch on a few ocassions. Even the intern that joined merely two months before, (Y/n), was someone he accepted as a friend. Not to mention Paul and Charlotte, two of the closest people he had, both of which didn’t want him around. And from what Paul said no one else did either. He had no reason not to believe it.

It took him only a few seconds to get it together when Paul finished.Ted always had a habit of getting very obviously defensive when his ego was hurt.

“Okay, whatever!” he shrugged angrily “Well, it’s not your problem then! I know when I’m not wanted”

He made his way to his office, away from Paul and Bill and all those people who he considered to be his friends.

*

The whole day was a bit messy, ever since (Y/n)’s foot stepped into the office they were sent on endless errands by their superior, Mr Davidson. Whatever happened up above in the chain it created one hell of a mess in the documents and so (Y/n) along with Melissa were the busiest they’ve been in a while.

Hence when they finally found time to get some well deserved coffee most of their friends were on their way back to CCRP.

That led to a lot of confusion when after stepping onto their floor they were met with an unusually tense atmosphere. They must have missed something important, they thought.

It wasn’t a long time ago when they joined the team and they never felt like the new person they were and all the efforts at staying purely professional faded with first friendships. And as much as they tried to,they became fond of their coworkers quickly. And so the current mood around them concerned (Y/n).

This wasn’t snooping around, they told themselves approaching Bill to ask what was up. He was a nice man, older than them and equally unskilled in the tech field but overall a very sweet man. If there was something to be concerned about he’d tell them for sure.

The day was almost over, one hour was left until Ted could go home and drink himself to sleep. But for now he just sat in his chair, staring blankly on the screen of his computer displaying a familiar black and orange webpage he was unusually uninterested in, mindlessly squishing his old and used up stress ball. The busiest hours were over and all files seemed to finally be back in place and safe and so he didn’t have much more to keep himself busy with.

He was angry, upset and hurt. Already keeping so many negative emotions inside, those new ones threatened to spill over the edges of the walls he built over the years but so far he managed to keep it together as much as he could.

And that’s when someone knocked on his door.

“What?” he sounded just like he felt, his own voice betraying him greatly. The person on the other side must’ve taken it as an invitation because soon they revealed themselves to be (Y/n). It wasn’t the last person he wanted to see, sure, but it was only because he didn’t want to see any of them equally. Maybe Paul a bit more than the rest “What do you want?”

“I heard what happened and-” they began, watching him carefully. Ted felt even more miserable under their gaze, truly pathetic and judged with his emotions on display. But there was no more space left for him to push them further down and ignore.

“Great, you came here to tell me how much you hate me too, or what?” he scoffed giving them a bitter look “Because I ‘acted like an asshole’?”

“You did from what I know” they responded. It wasn’t something he didn’t expected to hear but he felt even worse hearing it come from (Y/n). They were someone he had his eyes on for some time but never got to try anything. First, because he was with Charlotte and, as much of a jerk as he considered himself to be, he would never forgive himself for being just like Sam. Later when she ended things it was just too painful to jump back into ‘his game’ as he called it. As he always believed, he wasn’t able to fall in love. He did so once in college and never again. It was easier to believe than to face his fear of rejection and not being enough again. Sure, he didn’t exactly love (Y/n) and even if he could do it at all he probably wouldn't, knowing them for two or three months tops. Those sorts of feelings though, weren’t distant at all and their arrival was, at this point, almost inevitable. And so to hear them stand against him, even if rightfully so, hit him in a way he never anticipated. Hence his confused expression when they added “But I came here to check on you, you’ve been locked in here awfully long...”

“I was busy” he barked back quickly returning to his defensive tone. They sometimes asked him things like this one for no apparent reason as to why would they want to know that. He never fully gave in, only sometimes in passing throwing one or two passive-aggressive remarks referring to his situation with Charlotte and such.

“Bullshit” they raised their eyebrows looking down at him. If it wasn’t for the fact he felt anything but up for joking he’d point out how unusual it was to hear them curse. Unamused they added, awaiting his response “Your screen reflects on the glass behind you. So?”

“’So’ you can leave” with Paul’s words still vividly playing in his head he avoided their gaze. The possibility that they thought of him so lowly seeming very overbearing and terrible all of a sudden “I’m fine, alright? So what else you came here for”

“You know acting like this never worked on me, right?” they took the seat opposite to him, still acting very unbothered by his aggressive demeanour, maybe a bit impatient.

“And why do you even want to know that, huh? I mean really, (Y/n), I know you’re new around here but you really don’t have to kiss ass to-”

“Get over yourself, will you? If you’d like to know I was worried” their frown was gone almost as soon as it appeared as they went one, seemingly letting their words fall from their mouth freely “And yeah! You cross many lines, I’m not surprised Emma was mad, whatever you said to her. But you’re still someone I care about, as a person. And you’re not that bad most of the time, you know?”

“If you really want to have a place to stay over the weekend it wouldn’t hurt to ask more nicely, you know” Ted jumped between acts and masks, desperate to find one strong enough to hide whatever that was that made his expression soften.

“Look, I came here on my own but if you want things to go back to how they were you’ll really need to drop the act” they sighed, gaining a bit more of a serious tone.

“And you tell me that? It was Paul who decided to call me a lonely pathetic asshole” Ted knew well only one of those things actually came from Paul but if there was even the smallest possibility to have someone disagree with what he and others thought of him he’d gladly take it, even if it wouldn’t be honest. But what was more pathetic than fishing for a surely insincere ‘oh no, you’re not!’?

“And he regretted it right after, I spoke to him, really. I’m not going to try to make you shake each other’s hands and apologize, you can do that on your own if you want to. I’m just saying you both screwed up, there isn’t one person to blame”

“Okay, (Y/n)” he sighed “That’s cool of you to try and be moral like that but I don’t need to talk or make up with anyone so you either want to cheer me up my way or you can get back to work”

He let his eyes travel up and down their body freely, assured by their earlier statements and a bit relieved that they didn’t share Paul’s opinion. He looked back up when they stood up, torning to the door. Just before he could mentally curse himself out for ruining it they stopped.

“Tell you what, it’s Friday. I’ll make something up to get out of softball practice and we can go grab a drink” they said grabbing the doorknob “That’s the closest I’ll get to doing it ‘your way’. What do you say?”

“Wait really?” it was rare to see him truly surprised like that but it was the last thing he was expecting to come from them.

“Yeah, I can show you a cool place” they smiled walking out and turning back for the last time “come by my desk in an hour and we’ll be good to go”

The door closed leaving him alone again in a much brighter office.

Ted felt a small smile form on his face, a geniuine one too. Things were awful and he didn’t even want to think about how (Y/n) made him feel or how awkward things were going to be in the office from now on. But even if nothing was alright yet, it seemed that he was getting a bit closer to ‘okay’ and that was more than enough.

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