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today-only-happens-once · 2 years

Text

in the dark

title: in the dark

word count: 6102

Summary: Steve is plagued with nightmares following the Vecna fight, but it's fine. Nobody needs to know about it. They have their own stuff to deal with.

Warnings: angst/hurt/comfort with a happy ending, Season 4 spoilers, nightmares, trauma, anxiety/panic attacks, cursing, self-worth issues, Steve blames himself a lot, Steve has absent and implied emotionally-abusive parents

Read here on AO3

Steve wakes up gasping for air.

His vision is still swimming a little, and he knocks over a half-empty glass of water as he fumbles blindly for the switch on the lamp by his bed.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath, grateful that nobody is around to hear how shaky the word is. The room is flooded in a warm light and Steve can’t help the way the tightness in his chest relaxes. His room, fully lit. Completely absent of black vines that can (would, did) tighten around his throat.

Steve runs a trembling hand through his sweat-soaked hair, then down his face. The clock on the dresser across from him tells him that it’s four in the morning. He leaves the light on as he ungracefully flops back on his bed. The sheets beneath him are damp from his sweat, and the blankets are in a jumble on the floor. He must have kicked them off in his sleep. He’d been doing that a lot recently.

He doesn’t remember the last time he slept through the night.

Whatever. It’s fine.

He waits until he cannot feel his heartbeat hammering against his ribcage before he rolls out of bed and starts his day in the kitchen of his empty house. He wasn’t going to be falling back asleep anyway.

–

“No offense, Steve, but you look like shit.”

Steve is less than 20 minutes into his shift, restocking movies that had recently been returned. Ordinarily, he’d be doing the bare minimum. But he found that restocking gave his hands something to do, and his brain something else to focus on. Robin leans her elbow on the nearest shelf of movies and rests her head in her hand, giving Steve a very pointed once-over. Steve rolls his eyes.

“Gee, thanks, Robin,” he quips sarcastically. “Good morning to you too.”

“I’m just saying,” she replies, putting her hands up in mock-surrender. Mid-morning sunlight streams in through the windowed front, and Steve is grateful for it. Daylight hours are easier. He doesn’t constantly want to look over his shoulder.

“Look,” Steve says, because he’s known Robin long enough to tell when she’s about to get worried, and that’s the last thing he wants. “I’m fine. Hand me that copy of Aristocats, will you?”

Steve pointedly does not look at Robin as he keeps his hand outstretched towards her. There’s a beat before the movie lands in his hand and he quickly slots it into place. Robin had this way of calling Steve out on his bullshit, and a part of him braces for it.

“Hey, wait. You had a date last night, didn’t you?” Robin says, and Steve’s gaze flickers over to meet hers.

“Hm? Oh. Uh, yeah,” Steve says, and it’s not technically a lie. He did have a date last night. He just… didn’t attend it.

The truth was that he’d entirely forgotten about it. He’d been doing that a lot lately, it would seem. Hawkins had been thrown into chaos ever since Vecna had… well. People had been displaced from homes, had fled in fear and confusion, some people were still missing and maybe always would be. The mundane had begun to feel somehow… wrong.

The world nearly ended two months ago. Could anyone really blame him if he forgot that he’d foolishly agreed to a date he hadn’t even wanted to go on in the first place?

He had a feeling Robin would blame him at least a little bit, so he kept that detail to himself.

“So…?” Robin prompted when Steve didn’t offer any further elaboration. “How’d it go?”

Steve swung into the next aisle over and pretended to straighten up the shelves and re-order the few that had been returned haphazardly by the few people that stopped in these days. Robin, never one to be deterred, followed close at his heels.

Steve shrugs a shoulder. “It was fine, I guess?”

“Fine? You guess?” Robin sighs and shakes her head. “What was wrong this time?”

“Nothing, okay?” Steve replies, irritated. He just wants to be done with the conversation and with the shift. He abandons straightening the shelves and heads back to the front desk.

“I don’t buy it,” she announces, following him still. “Three months ago you wouldn’t have shut up about getting a date with Stacey Wilkins.” The tone is light, but Steve has spent enough time with her to be able to tell when she’s worried and pretending not to be.

Steve hates that it’s about him this time. Nancy used to say he was oblivious, but he hadn’t missed the way Robin had seemed more reluctant to go places alone in the weeks following the whole Vecna thing. How she’d jumped at loud noises. Robin didn’t smoke, but she had started to carry a lighter anyway.

She had enough on her plate to worry about. She didn’t need to add Steve “The Hair” Harrington to her list.

He was fine. Just tired.

“What about you, huh?” Steve says, forcing himself to meet her eyes with a teasing smirk that feels a little bit like lying. “How are things with Vickie?”

Robin flushes red and begins rambling about the mixed signals she’s receiving, and Steve is grateful that she takes the bait and drops it.

–

“N-no. No, don’t—!”

Steve bolts upright swinging a blind fist. His room is hot and he is dripping sweat and it’s dark. Where is he?

Steve fumbles blindly and his hand makes contact with something large that tumbles to the floor with the sound of breaking glass. His room is dark and his skin prickles with the memory of sharp teeth and jagged claws. His throat is tight and he swears he can still feel the sharp rope of a bat tail.

His hand flies up to his throat but there’s nothing there so why can’t he breathe?

He can feel his heart like a jackhammer against his ribs and he wonders if he might be having a heart attack at the ripe old age of 20. He should call someone, right? Do phones work in the Upside Down?

Steve clamors out of bed and his feet make contact with the floor. He stumbles to the door and it’s not until he’s swung it open and it’s ricocheted against the wall that he realizes the floor and walls are absent of black tendrils. It’s dark, but it’s not the Upside Down.

It’s just dark.

Steve flicks on the hallway light and feels his knees shake.

He sits down on the floor in the hallway with his head in his hands, half-dressed, until he feels like he can breathe again.

Then he grabs his car keys and he drives. He takes the usual route: past the Wheelers’ place first, then Sinclair’s. From there, he swings by Henderson’s place, the chief’s, the Byers’. He usually ends by driving past the hospital, where he may sometimes idle in the parking lot before going to pick up Robin to take her to school.

Driving gives him something to do, anyway. His hands grip the steering wheel like it’s a lifeline, his knuckles turning white for the first few minutes. But usually, by the time the route is done and the sun has risen, the sounds of Dustin screaming Eddie’s name has faded from the ring in his ears to a distant echo in the back of his mind.

He’s fine.

“He’s playing a gnome, which is pretty cool,” Dustin is telling him a few days later as he sits across from Steve at the diner. There’s a half-eaten cheeseburger and full plate of fries in front of him that Steve has been pretending to eat for the past half hour.

He doesn’t have much appetite these days. He eyes the plate in front of Dustin. It’s mostly empty. Only the crusts remain of the kid’s grilled cheese, and a puddle of grease where the fries once were. Steve counts it as a win. Dustin hadn’t eaten much in the weeks following the fight with Vecna, and Steve was grateful that the kid’s appetite seemed to be getting better.

“Though I was telling Will,” Dustin continues after taking a long sip of Coke, “that he should think about human. He said that he wanted to be an elf the next campaign, but Mike is already being a half-elf. Though I guess for balancing encounters, the class distribution is really the more important thing anyway…”

Steve has completely lost track of the conversation. Dustin had asked him if he wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons with them, and Steve had given a half-hearted decline. He wasn’t sure the whole “sit around the table and play pretend for hours on end” was really his thing, but it was the first time Dustin’s eyes hadn’t looked dulled and hollow in a long time.

So Steve had asked “what would that like, mean, though?” and just let him talk himself in circles. Dustin had been talking about that game for the past forty-five minutes. It was a huge improvement from the way Dustin had refused to speak for two days following Eddie’s… the whole Vecna thing.

“Earth to Steve? Hello?” Dustin says, waving a hand in front of Steve’s face.

Steve blinks, then swats the hand away. “What? Sorry.”

“I said Will has been acting weird ever since they got back,” Dustin says with a certain exasperation. Steve looks away when Dustin’s brow furrows and the kid folds his hands in front of him on the table. “And now that I mention it, he’s not the only one.”

“Yeah, well, Jonathan’s always been kinda weird–”

“I was talking about–”

“Eleven? No offense but hasn’t she always been a little, like, weird so–”

“Okay, first of all, just saying ‘no offense’ doesn’t mean what you said wasn’t offensive and second of all, I wasn’t talking about El, either.”

Steve rolls his eyes even as he can feel his shoulders tensing. He glances over his shoulder and gives a quick wave when he makes eye contact with the waitress. “The chief? Well, he did spend like a year in a Russian prison.”

Steve says it quickly but it doesn’t stop the way it makes his stomach roll. He barely lasted an evening with Russian operatives. The idea of an entire year made him want to throw up all over again, loopy drugs be damned.

Suddenly the lights of the diner are far too bright. The smell of grease far too thick.

“No, not Hopper–”

“Nancy’s kid brother?”

“I mean you.”

“Me? Don’t be stupid, Henderson.” Steve mutters, digging his wallet out as the waitress promises to return with the check. “I’m fine.”

“Steve, I’m serious—”

“Yeah, so am I.” Steve can feel his heartbeat starting to pound against his ribs and he forces a tight smile. He is careful to avoid Dustin’s eyes. He tosses the cash onto the table and stands up. Dustin scrambles after him.

The early fall air is chilly now that the sun has set, and the coldness helps to steady the slight tremble to Steve’s hands. He shoves them deep into the pockets of his denim jacket. He doesn’t like that it’s dark out here, but at least he can breathe.

“Steve! Steve, wait.”

Steve does his best attempt to look mildly annoyed despite just how relieved he feels to be breathing cold air. Dustin’s brow is still furrowed with worry. You’re slipping, Harrington, Steve tells himself harshly. Pull it together.

“Look, I gotta get you home or your mom is never gonna let me pick you up from AV club again.”

Dustin stops short and looks at him. Steve doesn’t look back as he climbs into the driver’s seat and waits. There’s only a brief pause before Dustin climbs into the seat beside him. He can feel the kid’s watchful gaze as he pulls out of the parking lot, but his silence is careful. Measured.

Eventually, Dustin seems to abandon whatever it was he was thinking of saying. He heaves a heavy sigh, and leans his head against the window. Only then does Steve risk a glance towards the kid, but Dustin isn’t looking back. He’s got his eyes trained on the passing streetlights through the windshield.

The radio plays several songs, and by the time “Africa” by Toto comes on, Steve has nearly forgotten that Dustin is in the car beside him. Then, he speaks.

“Sometimes I dream about what happened, you know.”

Steve glances at him quickly. “Right,” he says, because he can’t say he’s surprised, exactly. He’s the one who first reached Dustin, still clutching Eddie’s body, in the Upside Down when they were on their way back. There was a kind of shrapnel in Dustin’s sobs as the kid had buried his face in Steve’s chest and screamed.

“I usually wake up crying,” Dustin continues quietly. “It’s weird, y’know? Because other times, I dream that everything is fine. And then I wake up, and remember that Eddie…” he stops, takes in a shivering breath, and then releases it slowly. “Anyway. Mom thinks it’s about the earthquake, so her words of comfort don’t really… work.”

Steve knows that he should say something. That’s his job, right? To protect these kids because lord knows that they’ve been through more than they ought to have at their age. Especially, perhaps, the ordinary kids. Dustin, Lucas, Will, Mike, Max…

Max. Bang up job he’d done on that front. Steve mostly tried not to think about it, except for his daily visit to the hospital parking lot in the morning when he couldn’t sleep.

Steve could deal with the nightmares and the sleeplessness. It had been months. A part of him was used to it, or at least had come to expect it. Dustin was the least of them that deserved such things.

But comfort and reassurance had never been something Steve was good at. He finds himself reaching for words that aren’t there. Maybe there’s nothing to say, but he can’t shake the feeling that he has to try.

“It’ll take time,” he says, and he hates the way the words sound like just another empty platitude. “But Eddie would want you to keep trying, y’know? Just… one foot in front of the other…”

“Yeah,” Dustin says quietly. “Yeah, no. I know. It’s like Frodo with the One Ring.”

“Uh… yeah,” Steve says, because the name Frodo rings a vague bell, and he’s pretty sure it’s a reference he’s supposed to understand. “Right. Like… yeah.”

He pulls into Dustin’s driveway and puts the car in park. Dustin reaches into the backseat for his backpack and—much to Steve’s surprise—unzips it.

“The thing, though, about Frodo and the One Ring, is that he still had the Fellowship.”

Dustin is saying this like it’s supposed to mean something to him, and Steve finds himself nodding even though he’s not sure he understands. Dustin pulls out a large walkie talkie radio and shoves it unceremoniously into Steve’s hands.

“What—uh. Thanks?”

“Y’know. Just in case. I pretty much always have mine within arm’s reach.”

Before Steve can think of a response, Dustin has slammed the car door shut and disappeared through his front door.

–

Steve wakes up thrashing. He hits the ground hard.

He can’t drag enough air fast enough into his lungs and he’s slick—with blood?—and his mouth tastes like metal and he can’t see. Something has him by the legs and Steve kicks wildly. It’s not until he’s free of the blanket that had tangled itself around his ankles that he realizes it’s not a demobat and the ground beneath him is fuzzy. Carpet.

Fuck. You gotta breathe, Harrington, he tells himself. He pulls air in and he can feel his heartbeat in the center of his throat. It makes the air catch and he wheezes a bit. It sounds inhuman.

Blindly, Steve reaches up towards the nightstand by his bed. He needs light. The shadows of his room are too dark and too long. Instead, his hand closes around something rectangular. What the… he thinks, pulling it off the table as he rolls with a grunt off his back.

It’s the radio Dustin gave him almost a week ago. Steve grips it like a lifeline as his other hand reaches up and switches the lamp on.

His hands are shaking again and he curls the one not gripping the radio into a fist that he pushes into the floor. He sits up then, with his back against the side of his bed and stares at his closed bedroom door like he half-expects it to open and a swarm of bats to flood into the room. His eyes flit to the bat he had started keeping by the foot of his bed.

Don’t be stupid, he tells himself. But the weight of the radio is oddly comforting, and Steve’s fingers twitch involuntarily towards the button. He could use the radio, if he wanted to. Dustin had told him it was “just in case”.

Steve sets the radio aside. He’s fine.

He glances down at his bare chest and grimaces a bit at the way he’s drenched in sweat. He supposes, though, that it’s better than the blood he’d thought he was covered in when he woke up. He runs a hand through his hair and down his neck. His fingers linger on the scar tissue.

His other hand twitches towards the radio without his permission.

“Shit,” he says aloud to an empty house.

Then, as if in response, the radio kicks in with static and Steve jumps. Dustin’s voice is distorted and panicky.

“Hello? Is anyone on?”

Steve snatches the radio without a second thought. “Yeah, kid. What’s up?”

“Ed…Steve? Wh–I don’t…”

Steve takes in a deep breath against the twist in his chest and looks up at the ceiling as he answers. “Yeah. Henderson, you gotta breathe, okay?”

There’s no immediate response, and Steve crosses his fingers that it’s because Dustin is trying to calm his breathing. He keeps his gaze on the clock on his bedside table. A minute passes, then: “Steve, Eddie… he’s… he’s gone.”

Steve feels a pit sink in his stomach. He clears his throat before he responds. “Yeah,” he says softly into the radio. “Yeah, I know.”

“Fuck,” Dustin says, and even through the static on the radio, Steve can hear the way his voice breaks. “Fuck, this sucks. I don’t… does it get easier, Steve?”

I don’t know, he thinks, and a part of him feels like he’s drowning. He wants to tell Dustin yes, because it has to, doesn’t it? It’s hard to imagine how this gets any harder, and he’ll be damned if he isn’t willing to do just about anything to make the weight of these kids’ grief and fear a little bit easier to carry for them.

“Hey, you’re okay, kid,” Steve tells him, and he knows it’s not an answer to Dustin’s question, but it’s the best he thinks he can do right now. “You’re doing great. It’s… y’know. Some nights are allowed to be harder than others, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe you’re right. I slept through the night last night.”

Steve breathes a sigh. “That’s a good thing.”

“I just… I miss him. And I miss Max.”

“Yeah... Me too.”

—

Days passed and blurred together. Steve, for the most part, stopped sleeping all together. When exhaustion caught up with him, he could usually squeeze in an hour or two before he’d wake up thrashing or screaming. He picked up more hours at the video store, telling Robin that so many people leaving Hawkins had left them short staffed and he was the only one of them not still in school.

He kept the lights on these days, even when sleeping, but it did little to help. So Steve dealt with it. So he was running on less sleep than he had before the whole… Vecna thing. So what?

He was fine. He’s just. So. Tired.

“Steve?”

At the sound of Robin saying his name, Steve blinks quickly. He’s standing in the hospital outside of Max’s room. Nancy has a cup of coffee in her outstretched hand, Robin just behind her shoulder.

“Right. Thanks.” Steve’s lips quirk in something that might have once been a smile. Even his face muscles ache from exhaustion. He takes the cup.

“You… looked like you could use it,” Nancy says, not unkindly. “No offense.”

Steve either doesn’t have the heart or the energy to disagree. He sees down the hall as the Byers’ make their appearance alongside Eleven and Hopper. Nancy crosses to talk to Jonathan as Will and Eleven brush past himself and Robin to join Lucas in the room. Steve follows them, if only because he can tell Robin is about to ask him a question he doesn’t feel like answering right now.

Steve watches from the corner of the room between sips of stale hot coffee as Lucas and Will explain to Max all the details of their Dungeons and Dragons game. He doesn’t have the heart to remind them that Max usually had seemed like she couldn’t care less about it. Eleven, he realizes after a moment, is standing in the opposite corner. As far from Max as she can get from the bed while still being in the room.

When she meets Steve’s eyes, Steve makes a face and lifts a shoulder. I have no idea what they’re talking about. It has the effect he’d been hoping for: the corner of her mouth quirks in a very, very faint smile. It’s something. He’ll take that.

He leans his shoulder against the wall and takes another sip. A month ago he might have grimaced at the bitter acridity of black coffee, but these days it was the only thing that kept him upright. He drank it without complaint.

His eyes flit around the room, careful to avoid lingering too long on Max’s pale form in the hospital bed. He thought about the letter she had written to him, still sitting in a sealed envelope in the drawer of his nightstand. He’s not sure if any of the others read their letters, but Steve couldn’t help but feel that breaking the seal was admitting that she was gone.

But Max is still and pale and unmoving. Steve didn’t know all the details about the shit hand life had dealt her, even before she’d set foot in Hawkins, but he knew something about shitty family. He’d since done his best to keep her safe.

Look where that’d gotten her.

Before he’s even fully aware, Steve drops the coffee cup in the trash can by the door and is walking down the hallway.

“Steve?” Someone asks, but he doesn’t know who. The lights are too bright and the air smells like antiseptic and he just needs a second—

“Steve.”

“I’m fine,” he says reflexively.

There’s an incredulous scoff that Steve instantly recognizes as belonging to Nancy. “Forgive me if I don’t believe you.” Footsteps—more than one pair—are following after him. Steve doesn’t stop, his gaze zeroed in on the elevator.

“You’re forgiven,” he snaps.

“Steve,” Nancy says, grabbing his arm and pulling him to a stop. “When was the last time you slept?”

Steve whirls on her, jerking from her grip. “Don’t worry about it, okay? I’m fine.”

“No offense, dude,” Jonathan says, suddenly on the other side of Steve, shoving his hands into his front pockets, “but you don’t really seem all that fine.” His brows are pulled together in concern.

Steve rolls his eyes. “Well, I am, okay? So you can just lay the fuck off.”

“Hey, take it easy,” Robin says, stepping up beside Nancy. “We’re just worried about you.”

Steve takes a step back. He really didn’t need this right now—being cornered by his friends and interrogated about how much goddamn sleep he gets. The lights of the hospital are bright and Max is pale and unresponsive and she died and he didn’t stop it and everything–everything–is his fault.

He clenches his jaw. “It’s not your job to worry about me.”

Robin is shaking her head. “Would you just listen–”

“No, you listen to me. I’m fine. You know who’s not fine?” Steve throws a hand in the direction of the hospital room. “Max. Dustin. Any one of those kids.”

Nancy shakes her head. “That’s not your fault—”

“Isn’t it?!” Steve grabs fistfuls of his own hair and tugs before his hands fall helplessly to his sides. They didn’t get it. “I’m always the fucking babysitter. I’m the one that’s supposed to keep them safe from all the fucked up shit Hawkins has to deal out. And I didn’t. It’s as simple as that. I failed. Is that what you wanna hear?”

“Steve—”

“I failed, like I always do. And every fucking night, when I close my eyes, if I’m not being strangled by bats and vines then I’m always too late. I’m always goddamn too late!”

The truth has been dragged from his lungs and the words burn his throat as they tear free. The edges of his vision are blurring and he looks up at the fluorescent lights in the ceiling. He’s not going to fucking cry. He doesn’t deserve it.

“Steve…” Robin tries to take a step towards him but Steve steps back. His back hits a wall.

“Don’t,” he says to her, his voice strained, and Robin freezes. Steve looks back at Nancy.

Like always, he cannot read her expression.

“So no,” he continues, and his voice sounds like it’s been rubbed with sandpaper, “I haven’t been sleeping. But it’s just desserts, anyway. And being awake sure is a hell of a lot better than watching one of them die in my dreams. I can’t–” Steve’s voice breaks off as his gaze falls past Nancy’s shoulder and he sees the kids, the very ones he’d just admitted to failing, standing outside of Max’s room and staring at him, wide-eyed.

“I can’t,” Steve finishes desperately. He shoves past Jonathan and bolts for the stairs.

—

A few hours later, Steve is eating a bowl of cereal in the kitchen of the empty house.

He hasn’t seen his parents since… before. He thinks they probably evacuated after it all. A note might have been nice, but Steve is far past the point of bitterness when it comes to his parents. If they left without him, well. They had never been around much anyway, unless they were there to yell at him.

The house is large and empty. Every light is on, and while he knows it’s driving up the electricity bill, he cannot bring himself to care.

Steve hears the walkie-talkie radio crackle upstairs and he sets the bowl down and takes the stairs two at a time. He hears Dustin’s voice crackling through.

“Steve? Steve, are you there? Over.”

Steve snatches it without hesitation. He is too exhausted to pick up on the fact that Dustin does not sound nearly as distressed as he had the last time he came over the radio. “Whatcha need, kid?”

“Look outside, dumbass. Over.”

Steve’s brows scrunch together as he turns towards his window in confusion. He drops the radio on his unmade bed. “Look outside…?” he trails off as he steps towards the window and peers through the blinds.

The sun has set, but he sees Dustin illuminated by the headlights of a familiar wood-paneled station wagon. The passenger side door opens and Steve sees Robin poke her head up and call something unintelligible to Dustin in the driveway.

Steve is walking through his front door less than a minute later. “Henderson? What are you doing here?”

Dustin grins at him, but it’s Robin that answers. “We’re kidnapping you.”

“Kidnapping me?”

“Yep!” Dustin responds cheerfully, and starts shoving Steve towards the car. “Get in.”

Perhaps, had he not been as exhausted as he was, Steve might’ve put up something of a protest or fight. Or perhaps he was admittedly relieved to see Robin didn’t resent him for the things he’d snapped at her in the hospital. Evidently, neither did Nancy and Joanthan, the former of whom was driving and the latter was in the backseat. Steve begins to wonder if perhaps Dustin hadn’t heard much about what he’d said at the hospital. It was the only explanation Steve could think of to explain why Dustin was even still talking to him.

As it was, Steve allowed himself to be sandwiched between Jonathan and Dustin in the backseat in a somewhat confused haze.

They’re maybe a minute into the drive when Steve speaks. “Uh, where are you taking me, exactly?”

Jonathan clears his throat. “My place, actually.”

Steve’s brows furrow. “Your place?”

“Just…. Go with it, Steve,” Nancy tells him, oddly gentle, glancing at him through the rearview mirror. She offers him a soft smile, then turns her gaze back to the road.

Steve sits in the quiet, shoulder-to-shoulder between the other two. He isn’t sure if he should say something. The only sound, really, is the music drifting through the speakers. It’s so quiet he can’t quite make out what is playing.

Steve wonders if he should apologize for earlier, but he’s not sure that he’s sorry.

Everything he said was true. Keeping others safe is his job, and it’s something he’d come to realize he was actually pretty okay at. He couldn’t keep the threats from coming, but he could put himself between them and everyone else and swing a bat fucking hard as shit. And that had meant something. Protecting others—those kids, his friends—it was something he could do. Something that made him feel useful. Helpful. Worthy.

But he should have known better. Max had died and Eddie had died and how the others didn’t seem to resent Steve for it…. Steve wasn’t sure he’d ever know. Because he’d failed. He was a failure. Steve Harrington is exhausted in a way that he feels in his bones, but he can’t help but think that his father had been right about him all along… and that maybe it was only a matter of time before everyone else realized it too.

He was sure they’d realize it sooner rather than later anyway. If they weren’t going to piece it together themselves, Steve had all but told them as much at the hospital.

“We’re here,” Jonathan announces, and Steve blinks quickly and shakes his head. Did he zone out?

He’d been doing that a lot recently too. Maybe it was the exhaustion.

“What are we doing here, again?” Steve asks as he slides out of the backseat after Dustin. He puts his hands on his hips and looks at the house.

The living room lights are on, and briefly, Steve remembers another time when he was standing in this driveway, watching the lights of the living room. Except then, they’d been flashing like crazy, and Steve was about to have his life turn upside down. No pun intended.

“C’mon,” Robin says, slinging an arm around his shoulders. “Inside we go, Harrington.”

Steve thinks about protesting. But he catches the grin that Dustin is trying and failing to hide as the kid steps up beside him, and something in him caves. He looks at the house again, takes a deep breath, and lets Robin tug him forward.

When he gets in, he’s only more confused. Eleven and Will are sitting on the couch, laughing at something. Lucas is sitting on the floor and Mike is leaning against the arm of the couch near El.

They all look up when they enter, and there’s a bright chorus of “Steve!” and “Hey!” and they’re smiling like they’re glad he’s there, and Steve can’t make sense of it. Because they heard him at the hospital–they must have–but they don’t seem like they hate him or resent him and something about it all isn’t adding up in Steve’s mind.

He blinks at them. “Uh—”

“Here.” Steve feels something warm pressed into his hands. He looks down. A bowl of chicken noodle soup? Homemade, by the looks of it. He looks up and sees Mrs. Byers smiling kindly at him. “Eat up.”

Steve can’t remember the last time he had a hot meal that wasn’t from a diner or restaurant. He immediately shovels a spoonful of soup into his mouth. There’s a soft, sympathetic look in Joyce’s eyes. He nods his thanks, offering a weak smile, and quickly averts his gaze. Her eyes had been kind and gentle and nothing at all like Steve’s own mother.

It’s not a thought he wants to linger on.

“Oh, that looks awesome, Mrs. Byers,” Robin says, and it breaks the uncomfortable tension that had started to wrap its way around Steve’s lungs. She ducks into the kitchen and chats amicably about the soup ingredients while Joyce fetches more bowls.

Nancy and Jonathan have sunk themselves into the loveseat. Dustin is sitting on the floor facing Lucas with his back against the couch. He digs a walkie-talkie out of his backpack and sets it beside him on the floor.

“I left one in Max’s room,” he’s saying, and he’s wrapping tape around the button on it.. “So it’s kind of like she’s here too, in a way. She can hear us, at least.”

Robin knocks his shoulder as he brushes past him and crosses into the living room with a bowl of soup in her hands. She sits on the floor beneath Eleven. The only space left, really, is on the floor between Dustin and Robin, so Steve wedges himself between them.

He feels both of them lean into his shoulders just a little—just enough that, even if he closed his eyes, he’d have to be aware of them right beside him—and Steve finds the knot in his chest slacken just a bit. He’s aware that everybody is talking about something, but he doesn’t have it in him right now to follow the line of conversation. He stares, instead, into his bowl of soup.

He thinks it’s the best soup he’s ever had in his entire fucking life.

Before too long, he’s staring at the bottom of an empty bowl, and Robin lifts it from his hands to set it on the coffee table. Steve mumbles a quiet “thanks”, but Robin is already craning her neck back to say something teasing to Will, and it makes the whole room erupt in laughter. It’s a nice sound.

The knot relaxes a little bit more. Steve’s eyelids feel heavy, and he shifts down a bit so his head can rest on the couch cushions. He doesn’t think he’s going to actually fall asleep, given how hard sleep has been to come by these days, but there’s nothing wrong with stretching out a bit, is there?

Apparently, everyone else has a similar thought. Dustin somehow pushes his way under Steve’s arm and Robin leans her head on Steve’s shoulder. A minute or two later, Steve feels a weight on his shins and opens his eyes (when did he close them?) to see Lucas is using him to prop up his pillow. Eleven, evidently, thinks it’s a great idea as she does the same thing with Steve’s knees, stretching out in the opposite direction. Will unceremoniously occupies the full couch, his elbow just barely grazing the top of Steve’s head.

Steve is aware that he is, essentially, a makeshift pillow for nearly every person in the room, but it’s nice. The warmth and the weight feels grounding instead of constricting. Steve’s breathing feels… easier, now. Easier than it has in months.

“Dustin,” someone says, and Steve thinks maybe it’s Will, though he’s not sure because his eyes are closed and Steve—for once—doesn’t want to open them. “Did you bring it?”

He hears some rustling and Dustin moves to reach for something. His backpack. Steve does crack an eye open then. Dustin pulls out a book.

Steve snorts. “Nerd,” he says goodnaturedly.

Dustin elbows him. “Shut up and listen, okay? I just… think it might help. You might even like it. So don’t be an asshole.”

“Mm,” Steve hums. He doesn’t know why Dustin thinks reading a book to him will be helpful, but the moment he starts to read, Steve can feel the last lingering bits of tension unraveling in his chest.

“When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton…”

Steve is asleep before Dustin finishes the first page. It’s the best sleep of his life.

#stranger things #steve harrington #stranger things fanfiction #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fanfiction #trauma #nightmares #stranger things season 4 spoilers #st spoilers #cursing

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flyingraijin · 3 years

Text

Happiness Is Subjective | Dabi

Summary: Dabi has always had a tendency to overthink. Although, maybe this time it isn't such a bad thing.

Warnings: Out-of-character cuddly Dabi, my usual bad writing, I guess implied spoilers for Dabi’s backstory (but not much) Also, spoilers in the tags.

Word Count: 1.5k

Available on AO3 here

Note: I honestly have no idea when I wrote this - knowing me it was in some sleep deprived haze. But I found it in my drafts so I guess... here??

Would you like to listen to this story?

Happiness is a lot smaller than he expected.

He realised it far too late in his life and he knows this. But for once he doesn’t blame himself. He just observes.

It’s the details, he eventually decides. The smallest details that most would overlook but he just can’t. The exhaustion you rub from your eyes in the morning. The wrinkles in your nose as you laugh. The stained and baggy hoodie he let you borrow on your first day at the League, which you now wear all the time. He doesn’t understand how such mundane things mean happiness, but he doesn’t complain. He just allows himself to feel.

He’s never been good at understanding himself. Some days, he feels one way, other days another. Sometimes he wants to do bad things, other days good. Does he want to be a hero or a villain? Sometimes both, sometimes neither. Good, bad, hero, villain. It's all the same to him. And it's all so wildly different. He does know one constant though and it’s those minute details of happiness. It’s you.

In theory, you’re unreachable for him. A trophy high up on a pedestal. A dream that he’s been chasing for so long, even though deep down he knows he’ll never get there. He understands now just how long he’s been reaching for you, yet the distance hasn’t once become any shorter. You’re untouchable.

And you’re not. His fingers run through your hair and he can feel the strands beneath his fingertips. He can touch the way the follicles twist together as they lie against your scalp. You’re right in front of him, pressed against his chest, against his heart. And your eyes are so deep they seem bottomless.

He’s thought it before and he knows he’ll think it again - your hair smells like charcoal and satin.

He’s never known what love is. Not really. He’s caught glimpses of it before, way back when. Before his name was Dabi and his skin was scarred and his world was dark and full of pain. No, that’s wrong, he realises. He was in pain even then.

He remembers the warmth of his mother’s eyes on him. He remembers the awe in how his siblings looked up to him. He remembers the admiration in the gaze of his one true friend in the world. But he struggles to recall their love.

He isn’t sure they loved him at all. Or maybe he’s just forgotten.

He thinks he knows love now. It’s the same as happiness but not quite, though he can’t decide what distinguishes one from the other. All he knows is that he feels both, sometimes together, sometimes separately, though neither can fully exist without the other.

He sees it in you too. The love. And the happiness. Do you feel it the way he does? He doubts it. He doesn’t know much but he knows that love and happiness mean something different for each and every person. He does wonder though, what they mean for you.

It scares him in the way most good things do. Does he deserve it? Probably not. Does he care? Definitely not. It’s something he’ll admit only to himself, deep into the night as he lies awake while you sleep on his chest. He’s a selfish bastard. You’re the only one who could make him do anything.

He’s told you this before. Once, weeks ago, as you lay on your back with your chest heaving, his face buried in the crook of your neck. He doesn’t think you remember though. And if you do, you don't understand. Though, he reasons, who else could understand? Happiness is subjective, is it not?

It's now, as he sits alone in his room, that he realises what you’ve been teaching him. Not how to love and not how to be happy. Just to feel. You’ve done it patiently, softly, slowly, and probably unconsciously. But he’s noticed.

And patiently, softly, slowly, and definitely unconsciously, he’s found himself understanding and feeling back.

It does scare him. But in a good way.

He can’t sleep now. And he knows you can’t either. He can hear you moving in the next room, your room. And he wants you.

His text message is brief. Come here.

When you reply, he smiles. Just a little. Just enough.

Why aren’t you sleeping?

Because I’m not. Come here.

You’re at his door in a heartbeat. “What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t reply immediately. You’re wearing his t-shirt. It’s an old one and it hangs off her body like a curtain. He can see one of the scars left by a particularly tough job on your shoulder and it distracts him.

“Dabi?”

He blinks. Then he pats the bed beside him. “Sit.”

You do and instantly he reaches for you. There’s a string bracelet looped around your wrist and he plays with one of the knots in it idly. “I wanted to see you.”

You snort. “You saw me three hours ago.”

It’s only been three hours? He didn’t realise. It felt much longer.

“You’re turning soft,” you tell him. He knows he is. Is it a bad thing? Maybe so, he supposes. If he turns too soft, he’ll just crumble eventually. But maybe it’s for the better. He reaches out to guide your head to rest on his chest.

“Why are you awake?”

You shrug. He can feel the way you eyelashes flutter against the skin of his shoulder. “I was just thinking.”

He doesn’t need to ask what you’re thinking about - he knows you well enough to understand by now. But he also knows that if you positions were reversed, he’d want you to ask. So he does.

“About?”

You press the pads of your fingers over his heart. “About before.”

About before.

Before all of this. Before the League of Villains. Before hero society was in shambles and All For One was in power.

You touch his skin softly. He puts his nose in your hair, takes a deep breath. His shoulders relax.

“I actually had a dream about before,” you continue. “Before I woke up. At least, I think it was a dream. It could have been a memory.” You sigh and snuggle closer to him. “It doesn’t really matter.”

Dabi knows what it’s like not to understand the difference between a dream and a memory. He also knows that it doesn’t matter. Dream or memory, both are in the past and neither will change the future. He kisses the top of your head.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Okay.” He’s glad. He’s not good at talking. Instead, he lays his hand against your leg. You’re not wearing pants and he can feel the goosebumps that mar your skin. His palm warms.

Is this the moment to tell you? He’s not sure. You haven't said it yet, haven't even hinted at it and yet… he feels it.

He looks down at the top of your head. Moonlight from the open window beside his bed is reflecting off your hair.

Your breath comes out in a deep, relaxed sigh and he suddenly realises that this is the moment to tell you.

“I love you.”

You don't respond at first. He can’t see your face, your eyes. But he feels the way your fingertips cease drawing aimless patterns across his scars. Then you shift, turn, and he catches a glimpse of your expression.

“You what?”

You look surprised. He wonders why.

“I love you.”

It’s simple, the way he talks. Casual. Like a greeting, nothing more, nothing less. Surface level. And it’s also not. He can feel it deep inside him as the words slip past his lips and he knows what he’s saying is the truth. So much the truth, in fact, it almost makes everything else he’s ever said feel like a lie.

You catch him off guard when you kiss him.

He can feel it through you - the way your heart is bursting. He knows you can’t contain it now that he’s said the words. And he knows you feel it too. And when his brain puts this together, he kisses you right back.

He’s blushing, he can feel it. You are too. But he doesn’t fight it because he doesn’t want to miss anything, not the feeling of your fingers in his hair or the weight of your body as you turn and seat yourself across his lap.

When you pull back, his lips are tingling.

“I love you.” You say it like a release, like it’s been bottled up inside and you’re finally allowing it to escape. He can feel the way your heart jumps as it finally does.

His grip is gentle when he pulls you back down to him.

Happiness is small, he knows that now. But at this moment, it’s also all-consuming. A raging fire that doesn’t scar but rather heals his heart, just a little. Just enough. And while it may not be the most monumental thing, he knows he’ll never let go. If it’s this kind of fire, he’s happy to burn.

And burn he does.

#mha x reader #dabi x reader #touya todoroki x reader #todoroki touya x reader #my hero academia x reader #bnha x reader #mha imagines #bnha imagines #todoroki x reader #bnha fanfic #mha fanfic #dabi #touya todoroki #lov #💙 blue's fics

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all-about-seggs · 4 years

Text

Gojo Satoru's Good Side

Warnings- Gonna be spoliers for Volume 0, and Gojo's school days arc (I forgot the actual name but I think it was something 'star plasma vessel arc'?) anime episode no. 6 and 21. And some latest fanbook spoilers as well. And some theories about his past as well.

So right now we know little about Gojo's family and childhood but to me it's kind of apparent that he may have had sort of an oppressive childhood and his rebellious nature stems from being made to carry the responsibilities from a very young age.

Not only he was the next in line head of the clan in his childhood but also the carrier of the 6 eyes that was born after 400 years and with the pressure of inheriting the clan's technique limitless I have enough reasons to believe he lost a huge part of his childhood in order to be the 'honoured one' he is now.

He's someone who's learned the importance of youth after losing his own.

He longs for freedom with a dream to have an uncorrupted Jujutsu society where the people don't have to be bound to the irrational rules and outdated ideals of people just bec they are a few decades older.

He's ambitious and have the power to become a mass murdered on loose to reach his goal but he knows nobody will follow him down that path. He wants a world where everyone lives their own way not the way that is forced upon them. And as a teacher makes it a point to pass that knowledge on to his students that he low key cares about a lot.

The parallels-

Why he supports Yuuta and Yuuji-

His words are similar and so are his actions in both cases.

At first glance Gojo comes off as a selfish jerk that only seems to care about making things go his own way and it may be true to some extent but inbetween those self entered and reckless nature there are moments of pure kindness and generosity, the subtlety of which can easily be overlooked if you're not careful.

He never makes it a point to boast about his sentimental actions. Sure he's kinda narcissistic in other ways but the fact that he tries to help his students from behind the scenes without a word shows he is not just a simple 'anti hero' troupe.

He tries to protect both Yuuji and Yuuta during what's supposed to be the 'best years of their life'. He knows the value of every mundane things of Highschool that will soon become a memory. Something that everyone's supposed to look back with fondness.

This was one of the first out the very few times we see Gojo emotional, like Shoko comments, it was very unlike him bc he prefers to treat things indifferently and unemotionally.

Not only was Yuuji in a somewhat similar situation with Yuuta but he was also someone who Gojo saw potential in.

Now let's go back to his school days arc. Even tho he makes it clear how he hates that ' strong should protect the weak' charade, after finding out about Amanai Riko's situation he goes out of his way to not only protect her but make sure she has fun during the little time she had left before merging into a state of unconsciousness ( correct me if I'm wrong).

He lets her have as much fun as she wants all the while exerting himself to keep his limitless technique on (when he couldn't control all that well back then), untill he was exhausted to his breaking point. And in the end even tells Geto to let her run away with some money so she could live her life as a normal girl.

⚾ He is aware how hard the Jujutsu soccer lifestyle is and how it will only get harder after they all graduate. The need to have fun during their school time is something he truly believes in and it shows when he seekily changes the individual battel event into a fun and relaxing baseball game.

How he pays attention to the details, he's insightful when it counts-

His concerned face and tone when Megumi gets out so easily. He wanted Megumi to have fun too. It's obvious how much he cares about his students or atleast Megumi.

Even if he didn't experienced all the joys of childhood, he didn't let it change his views on them or forget about their value and importance in life.

His kindness can easily go unnoticed bc of his usually laid back and nonchalant demeanor that comes off as rude and frivolous but in actuality he doesn't make it a point to show off how much he cares nor does he expects for this care to be returned.

His love is filled with complexities and inconsistencies bc he doesn't believe in coddling up his loved ones, like he said He's more of a 'tough love' kinda guy.

One moment he's spending all his energy in making your life hard with his ridiculous and outrageous pranks and his unofficial position as the no. 1 troll teacher and the next thing you know your day becomes a little bit brighter, filled with a little more laughter bc of its light hearted moments that he brings in.🧁

Ending this with a 🧁 bc Gojo Satoru can be sweet and hell

A/n: Word Vomit to its max. Sorry to everyone who thought these were gonna be headcanons bc as you can see it was just a rant. But anyway! Pls let me.know what you think of this 'analysis' and if I've gotten anything wrong and how I can improve it. Your headcanons or thoughts are welcome in my inbox! Thank you for reading this💮💮

#Jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk spoilers #gojo satoru #jjk gojo #Jujutsu kaisen gojo satoru #spoilers #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #my headcanons

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nomazee · 4 years

Text

always (coming back to) you

pairing: hinata shoyo x gn reader genre: best-friends-to-lovers/coming of age (?) warnings: mild angst, slight spoilers for the manga timeskip word count: 1.4k

hinata shoyo loves a lot, but it’s always been you.

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(note: this was sitting in my google docs for a while now. it’s something i looked back on every once in a while and smiled because i think this is one of the works i’m most proud of. i love shoyo as a character so much and i love writing about him and twisting him as i see fit to write narratives upon narratives about him. i hope everyone who reads this enjoys :) thank you to @bearykei for beta-reading this! it was interesting to have someone with such a drastically different writing style beta-read my work and i really enjoyed seeing all your edits :0 thank you so much mwah)

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Hinata Shoyo loves you.

He found this newfound feeling to be odd, at first. It made his chest ache a little bit, but it was a good kind of ache—the kind of ache that comes after spiking a volleyball really good. The kind of ache that rushes through his body after a grueling night of practice. The kind of ache that reminds him of all the hard work he’s put into the things he loves.

Shoyo loves, he loves so hard, and it’s something he can’t help. It’s a trait that’s been wired into his brain since he was born—flooding through squishy, tiny baby fingers and a mind not yet exposed to all the world has to offer.

Shoyo loves his mom, loves his sister, loves volleyball, and loves you. He’d never be able to rank these things—if he ever called anything his “favorite” he’d be too guilty to function. But he knows, definitely, absolutely, certainly, that he loves these things—and he loves them very much.

Hinata Shoyo loves you.

He first experiences this in his last year of junior high, sitting in the grass (it’s damp from last night’s rain, but he ignores your complaints about it), half-melted popsicle in hand as he talks to you about volleyball—because that’s all his world is at this point in his life. Barely passing school, and volleyball (the former is only there to keep the latter going.)

“And I want to get better,” he tells you. You’ve heard this so many times before, and he knows you have, but not once have you ever complained about it. “I’m short, but I’m good. I know I am.”

“I know you are, too,” you tell him. He spares a glance at you, and your eyes are shining, your attention all on him, sticky fruit-popsicle melting down the side of your hand. You don’t seem to mind it, though (ironically enough, with you complaining about the wet grass just before.)

Something stirs in his lungs, circulates like spinning tumbleweeds (like the ones he sees in those weird American cartoons that he watches with you,) and it makes him ache, but it feels good. You’ve complimented him tons of times before. He’s not sure what makes this so different, what makes this sudden pain kick up in his system. Shoyo looks at you, really looks, and he doesn’t think anything is different, actually. Everything is the same.

He brushes it off, and even when the pain comes back every time he sees you, he pointedly ignores it.

Hinata Shoyo loves you.

He realizes this in his last year of high school. You’re sitting on the same patch of grass you’ve always sat in, though it’s no longer damp, nor are there any popsicles to be found. It’s quiet, it has been for a minute, and when Shoyo looks at you, there are shattered silver stars gleaming in your eyes.

You’re hurting. And he knows it’s because of him, because he told you he wants to leave the country, because he told you he wants to leave you (whether that be an intentional desire or not), because this marks the end of innocent adolescence, and the beginning of dreary adulthood and sole self-reliance.

Shoyo’s lips part. He’s clumsy with words of consolation. He’s only known how to brush things off with playful distractions and make weird volleyball metaphors, but he doesn’t know… this. He doesn’t know what to do with this. With you. With the ever-aching feeling swirling in his diaphragm.

“I can…” He pauses. “I don’t have to go—”

“Are you insane?” You’re bordering on a shout when you whip your head towards him, brows furrowed in what looks to be aggravation and eyes wide in disbelief. He blinks at you. All of this is unfamiliar, every aspect of this conversation—the look in your eyes, the crease between your eyebrows, the anger in your voice, the fear and sadness that had planted itself in your expression just moments before. Shoyo is treading knee-deep in unfamiliar waters and he doesn’t know what to do with the violent tides that sweep beneath his feet.

“I would— I would never hold you back from your dreams, Shoyo,” you spit at him. The meaning of your words is well-placed, but the tone of your voice makes his eyes widen in fear and his form shrink back. “Never. I’m your b—est friend, and this is what you’ve fought for your whole life. I wouldn’t hold you back from this just because of some stupid, selfish wish.”

The force behind your voice crumbles, tears welling up in those shattered-silver-stars as your expression twists—it’s ugly, and it’s raw. A sob escapes you and God, Shoyo has never felt so strongly for something in so long.

He breaks. He sobs. You fall into each other’s arms, clutching onto one another desperately as if that will keep Hinata Shoyo from flying away.

(It doesn’t.)

(Shoyo never asks you what your stupid, selfish wish was all about.)

Hinata Shoyo loves you.

He tells you this after years of waiting. He doesn’t tell you this at the airport when he leaves for Brazil, or in the one visit he took back to Japan during his time playing beach volleyball on the other side of the world. He doesn’t tell you this during the calls you share with him in his early mornings and your afternoons. He waits, because Hinata Shoyo has learned how to wait.

Shoyo has landed himself a place on a professional volleyball team. You’ve voiced your elation over this fact countless times, over calls and text and blurry selfies of you with tears in your eyes and a stupid, wide smile on your face. Work has been busy for you, but when he tells you “Come to my game, it’s a big one. I’m seeing Tobio again,” you don't hesitate for a second to call in sick and buy a ticket.

(It’s expensive, and when Hinata finds out how much you paid for it he chastises you playfully, claiming that he would’ve gotten you a ticket for free.)

He wins. Of course he wins. Shoyo flies and laughs and plays and he wins. He catches your eye in the crowd after the game ends and he smiles, reserved for you and you only, and you can’t help but smile back.

You meet him hours after his game ends—interviews and cleaning up and whatnot take an awfully long time. You both sit on a park bench, having walked quietly side-by-side for half an hour until he reached a spot he deemed perfect for the evening.

It’s not the same patch of grass you both used to sit in, but it’s something, and you think Shoyo is more than enough to make up for the lack of a familiar atmosphere. It’s a bit cold, but you think it’s a shame you remembered your jacket—glancing at Shoyo, you find that he looks so much warmer than the fabric you’re wearing.

Shoyo is glancing at you too, soft smile and warm eyes and gentle flush and all, and his head is ringing loudly trying to process every detail of your presence.

Hinata Shoyo loves you.

(God, he loves you so much. So he tells you.)

It’s a very simple ordeal.

You open your mouth, and he thinks you’re starting to say something like “that was a good game!” or any other mundane praise, and he knows that he should let you speak. But he’s been building up this adrenaline for years now, and nothing can stop him when he says “I love you” in that gentle tone he reserves just for you.

You stop talking. Shoyo thinks that maybe a rejection is coming soon, but he can’t bring himself to be so upset about it. Because he did it—did what he’s been yearning to do ever since that one afternoon in his last year of high school, and the thought alone makes him invincible to whatever comes out of this very spontaneous confession.

He tilts his head towards you. You’re staring at him. He smiles again, wide and unabashed and warm. He feels your warm lips on his and he knows he should push you away for the sake of his PR team. But, God, Hinata Shoyo is invincible right now, and getting caught in some mundane “scandal” misinterpreted by the media is the least of his concerns right now.

(Hinata Shoyo loves you.

He tells you, now, in subtle ways, like the way he drags his fingers against your face when you’re still sleeping, the way he kisses your temple in half-hazy consciousness, and the way he traces the ring on your left ring finger with his lips.)

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taglist: @akaashi-bby @tsukisemi @peteunderoos @virgomooning @losertsukki @vhskenma @alysken @webworld @tendo-sxtori @tanakas-hugs-and-kisses @wompwomphq @shehellamad (strikethrough cannot be tagged!)

#hqradiostation #hinata x reader #shoyo x reader #shouyou x reader #hinata shoyo x reader #hinata shouyou x reader #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu oneshots #hinata oneshots #shoyo hinata x reader #haikyuu #haikyu!! x reader #hinata shoyo #hinata imagines #shoyo imagines

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artemis-entreri · 2 years

Photo

[[ This post contains Part 2 of my review/analysis of the Forgotten Realms/Drizzt novel, Glacier’s Edge, by R. A. Salvatore. As such, the entirety of this post’s content is OOC. ]]

Genre: Fantasy

Series: The Way of the Drow: Book 2 | Legend of Drizzt #38 (#35 if not counting The Sellswords)

Publisher: Harper Collins (August 09, 2022)

My Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Additional Information: Artwork for the cover of Glacier’s Edge and used above is originally done by David Palumbo. This post CONTAINS SPOILERS. Furthermore, this discussion concerns topics that I am very passionate about, and as such, at times I do use strong language. Read and expand the cut at your own discretion.

As of this point, I am still finishing this document. I will be posting the subsequent sections. The table of contents will be updated when it is complete.

Contents:

Introduction

I. Positives I.1 Sublime Similes and Marvelous Metaphors I.2 Other Effective Imagery I.3 Consistent Lore and Decent Worldbuilding I.4 Respectable and Respectful Characterization

II. Neutrals (you are here)

III. Negatives (Technical Writing)

IV. Negatives (Characterization)

V. World Breaks

VI. Religious Commentary

VII. Ego Stroking

VIII. Problematic Themes

IX. What’s Next

Neutrals

In this section, I will discuss the elements of Glacier’s Edge that aren’t intrinsically good or bad. These consist of new characterizations and lore introduced by the book.

First, Jarlaxle’s wondrous hat appears to have gained a new function. In combination with his portable hole, the mercenary leader was able to utilize this new function to avoid being trapped in an icy tomb at the end of Starlight Enclave. We weren’t given details about how he’d managed to escape that fate in the previous book, but we were able to infer based on how we’ve seen him use his portable hole in the past that Jarlaxle laid it down to literally make a hidey-hole from the storm. Glacier’s Edge confirms this, as well as showing us a new feature of his hat:

This is no mundane umbrella, and not the least because it spends most of its time as a fashionable chapeaux. Apparently, in its umbrella form, the hat can withstand quite a lot of weight. Certainly, this newest function comes at an awfully convenient time, but this is Jarlaxle we’re talking about, and he’s already got so many magical gadgets for every occasion that an additional one hardly causes one to bat an eye. As far as Salvatore-invented magical items go, it’s also not all that ridiculous, so it’s just another feature to add to Jarlaxle’s long list of possessions.

It seems that the canonical appearance of drow is different now. Although they’ve often been portrayed with gray skin by both official and fan artists, prior to the uncovering of the aevendrow, drow have always been described as having black skin, or synonyms of black like ebony and obsidian. They’ve also often been explicitly stated as coal-black. That description is different now:

The unnamed woman in the passage above is Dab’nay, and although we haven’t been explicitly told what her skin color was before, shades of gray were never mentioned for drow by Salvatore prior to the recent drow updates. It doesn’t matter either way, but it’s noteworthy that he’s employing this change.

Aevendrow official stats haven’t been released yet as of this point. It is curious to me though that at least in Glacier’s Edge, it seems that aevendrow do not possess darkvision, or even lowlight vision:

As always, I’d like to play Devil’s Advocate, so let’s examine the above passage from the perspective that what we see here does not necessarily indicate that aevendrow do not have darkvision. Assuming that aevendrow can see in total darkness like their Lolthite brethren can, it’d be a lot less likely for an aevendrow to be afraid of the dark, which Allefaero is exhibiting not only with the squeezing shut of his eyes, but also the description of the darkness “closing in”. When we feel something closing in, the sensation comes from either a literal physical restriction of the space around us, or what feels like such, as caused by a restriction of our ability to see. A creature that can see in darkness would not experience this feeling of being closed in anymore than we would feel that way standing outside under a wide open sky. Assuming that the timid Allefaero is afraid of the dark despite being able to see in it, Galathae certainly isn’t timid, and the darkness is described as closing in about both of them, not just the scared young wizard.

More telling than that though regarding aevendrow not having darkvision is that Galathae measures their position based on what she feels, not what she sees. The only reason for a creature to rely more on their senses other than sight is if those other senses are more powerful than their sight, and while drow have better senses than humans, we’ve never been given any indication that their other senses are more keen than their sight. Furthermore, Galathae has to feel about her belt to find the lantern instead of just looking down to find it. The fact that she brought the lantern is pretty conclusive evidence that they can’t see in the dark, but perhaps Allefaero is a darkvision-blind individual among aevendrow and the lantern is for his sake. However, this possibility also falls away when we’re told that Galathae only sees things that are glowing, rather than the shades of gray melding into colors where there are light sources, which she would’ve perceived if she had darkvision. It is thus safe to infer that Galathae cannot see in the dark.

Of course, it is always possible that only Galathae and Allefaero do not have darkvision among the aevendrow, but setting aside how stupid it would be to send two individuals like that into a dark space instead of pairing each with someone who has darkvision no matter how formidable they are, all the other aevendrow teams are similarly equipped, namely, with light sources. All of them need a light in order to conduct a proper investigation of the cave, which they would not need had they darkvision. It is the case that darkvision only allows seeing in shades of gray and that illumination is necessary for seeing color, but the shades of gray of darkvision do not omit any details, it would be the same as looking at a scene under sharp light but without hues. It's worth noting that this is distinctly different from how real life low-light goggles work. Most of the earlier generations of modern light intensification systems required significant training to use successfully as they suffered from issues with edge definition, fine detail, depth perception, and dependence upon moon-reflected infrared radiation. Darkvision is magical in nature, allowing it to not suffer from any of these issues and allows for crisp, clear and easily usable vision.

Galathae and Allefaero are delving into very dangerous territory, one in which a light would draw unwanted attention to themselves. Logically, they’d only use a light if they can’t see without it, which indeed seems to be the case, further backed by the description of what happens once they uncover their light:

This passage summarily describes the experience of a creature that can’t see in the dark suddenly having their surroundings revealed with light. The position that I took while playing Devil’s Advocate does not hold; aevendrow, or at least Galathae and Allefaero, do not have darkvision. That being said, it’s very likely that they’re not the only two that are that way, as many similar aevendrow exploration teams are being sent into similar caves.

So, why would aevendrow have lost their darkvision? Perhaps you’re thinking, millennia of differentiation and evolution away from their Underdark counterparts ridded them of the necessity for darkvision. There is validity to that, however non-drow elves have darkvision, and they spend all of their time on the surface world. One could argue that surface elves have darkvision because it’s helpful at nighttime, but the thing is, darkvision under nighttime makes the world look like a colorless version of the world in daytime, with it being painfully bright on cloudless nights. Darkvision is overkill even for fully overcast nights, yet non-drow elves still have it, so it’s pretty odd that aevendrow do not. In fact, it’d make even less sense for them to have evolved out of it while their surface cousins did not, since we’re told that where the aevendrow live, there are entire seasons in which the sun does not rise. Sure, they’ve got the Merry Dancers, but those would be hidden by the numerous ice storms that the region also experiences, and it’s questionable whether aurora borealis would be brighter than Selûne and all of its tears, as well as a night sky full of stars. It could just be something that Salvatore overlooked, as Jarlaxle apparently also lost his darkvision (which I will go into more detail about later). It’s hard to say at this point and too soon to tell for sure, we will have to see when WotC releases official stat blocks for aevendrow.

The final new piece of new neutral impact lore that I’d like to discuss is some new attributes being given to remorhazes, also known as polar worms:

We find out pretty early in the trilogy that polar worms play a big part in the aevendrow storyline, so it’s no wonder that they’re being discussed. However, the passage above also tells us how Callidae will have to open its doors to outsiders from the south lands. It’s very much a having their hands forced situation, as it’s either let out the secret of their existence or have no reason for that secret to exist. They might not know how to deal with excruciating heat, but a people who, oh, I don’t know, literally live with an active volcano that houses a fire primordial, certainly might.

Going back to polar worms, the mentioned information about them does not correlate to what’s been written about them in both the D&D sourcebooks and other official publications. There’s never been any indication that the remorhaz can age and develop without eating for decades. There’s also no precedent for them being able to eat or chew crystals. Up until this book, polar worms are known to prey upon other arctic creatures that shared their environments, such as elk and polar bears. In fact, its hunting tactic is adapted to the acquisition of live prey, as stated in the 5e Monster Manual: “When hunting, a remorhaz burrows deep below the snow and ice and lies in wait for the faint vibrations created by a creature moving above it. While hidden under the ice and snow, it can lower its body temperature so that it doesn’t melt its cover.” The changes introduced by Salvatore seem unlikely, as that would be quite the elaborate adaptation for a creature that doesn’t need to eat for decades, or one that can sustain itself on crystals. However, fundamentally, it’s not a huge deal, and it’s an observation made by a member of a group of people who haven’t had much direct chance of studying a living remorhaz, so it can be written off easily enough as an unreliable narrator’s words.

There is no existing lore about the relatedness of remorhazes and dragons. Dragons can indeed go decades without eating, as there is precedence of dragons slumbering for very long periods of time without waking up to eat. There isn’t much information about whether dragons can grow and develop without sustenance, but given the wide multitude of things that dragons are capable of, that hardly seems like something they wouldn’t be able to do. The lack of previous indication about remorhazes and dragons being related is not challenged here, as the statement is an impromptu hypothesis from Allefaero that we never hear about again. Hopefully it stays that way.

Polar worms making a sound similar to a cat’s purr when they’re chewing or eating also doesn’t have any precedence in existing lore. It is yet another minor factoid that can be attributed easily enough to an unreliable narrator, as Allefaero states they’ve “been known to” rather than testifying to hearing the sound himself. Furthermore, even if the sound does in fact exist, different people often interpret the same sound in different contexts, what sounds like a purr to one person can very well sound like a growl to another.

Although Allefaero’s mention of polar worms “training” their teeth on crystals is presented with a greater degree of certainty than the mention of their purring, this behavior is also one that he has not personally observed. There is, yet again, no precedence in existing lore about whether remorhaz teeth grow continuously, and if they do, whether they grow like rodent teeth or like shark teeth. Rodents do have to chew hard objects to keep their teeth from becoming too long if their normal diet does not do the job, however it is rare for their teeth to fall out. Sharks, on the other hand, grow new teeth to replace ones that have fallen out as a result of getting stuck in their prey. Allefaero likens the remorhaz to both rodents and sharks, which, like much of Salvatore’s attempts to sound deep, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense when one puts some thought into it. As I doubt that we’d get an official answer from him about how remorhaz teeth regrowth works, I’d guess that, based on what’s presented in Glacier’s Edge, that a remorhaz’s existing teeth grows continuously like a rodent’s so that they would have to chew hard objects, like crystals, to keep them from growing so long that they stab themselves in the mouth, but at the same time they also grow back lost teeth like sharks do if they lose their teeth from getting them stuck in their prey. While it is true that all of this is stuff that feels like it was made up on the spot to make the plot work, it’s not the most ridiculous thing that Salvatore has done.

All in all, the information discussed in this section are entries that should go into character and creature bibles that the author himself doesn’t seem to keep.

#legend of drizzt #Forgotten Realms #drow #Glacier's Edge #Way of the Drow Trilogy #R A Salvatore #book review #ooc

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haikyuupaladin · 3 years

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We Are Satellites by Sarah Pinsker

So, I’m going to try to give a spoiler free recommendation of this but I AM going to start off by giving some trigger warnings for the book. There are depictions of seizures, sensory overload, ableism, alcohol, death and violence in a war zone (though not super detailed), alcohol, self medication through illegally acquired drugs, and a character who gets hit by a train are the main warnings I can think of, though there are probably a few I’m missing, and all of these are told from the character who experiences them’s POV in addition to sometimes other characters. Most are fairly insignificant portions of the book, and most of them are in David’s chapters. The sensory overload, seizures, ableism and self medication are more significant however.

We Are Satellites is written from the POVs of a family of 4: Val, Julie, Sophie, and David and follows them over the course of roughly a decade. A company called Balkenhol Neural Labs develops a device called a Pilot, which is a brain implant that improves your ability to multitask and allows you to focus on multiple things seemingly simultaneously. Each of the four family members has vastly different experiences navigating the world now that the Pilot exists. Those without Pilots are considered to be at a disadvantage, and soon almost everyone has one. The difference of experiences tests the families relationships, especially as some members are strongly against the Pilots while others love them or think that they’re great for other people. Some family members end up trying to prove that everything with the Pilots may not be as they seem. (It’s very hard to write a synopsis like this without giving too much away so I apologize).

Now for the reason that I read this book: Sophie, the youngest member of the family, has epilepsy and could not get a Pilot whether or not she wanted one. As an epileptic myself I’m always on the lookout for decent representation. And while I don’t have the same experience with epilepsy as Sophie has, this book does a really good job of portraying her epilepsy. At first, I thought it would be more relatable to family members of people with epilepsy instead of people with epilepsy themselves. Sophie’s first POV chapter isn’t until chapter 15 (which the chapters in this book are short, but it still made me nervous). However, the portrayal was still realistic and respectful and I kept reading. And I’m glad I did. If anybody is the sole main character of this book, it’s Sophie. While she has seizures throughout the book, in chapters told both from her POV and the POV of her family members, it is never treated as something that impacts her family more than her in my opinion, although it does acknowledge how it impacts each of her family members, nor is it treated as something just there for shock value. It’s mentioned just as casually as anything else might be but is never forgotten. Even when she rushes out of the house, it mentions her running back in to take her meds amongst other things. And epilepsy is treated as more than just seizures. It shows how overprotective her parents can be and how that affects her. It shows the mundane things she’s not able to do. It shows the struggle for control over her seizures and it shows knowledge of a variety of different treatment options and triggers. While the author doesn’t have epilepsy herself to my knowledge, she did mention at the end that she had worked with the Epilepsy Foundation Maryland before even starting writing this and that a lot of people had talked to her about their experiences with epilepsy and it shows.

Another thing about Sophie is that she’s more than just her epilepsy, which is equally important to how the epilepsy portion is portrayed. She becomes a community leader and an activist. She has a fully developed personality though her epilepsy does inform certain parts of it, just likely does for any of us. She’s not afraid to push boundaries. She has complex relationships with her moms, her brother, and her best friend Gabe. She’s not afraid to stand up for herself and others. And she’s exactly the kind of protagonist I would ask for as representation.

Sophie is the character I wish I’d been able to read about in 6th grade when my seizures were at their worst. Or even in 9th grade when I realized I could search for books about people with epilepsy and came up mostly lacking, especially in the fiction department. I’m 25 now and Sophie is one of the first epileptic characters I’ve personally seen done well in general. I can count them on one hand without running out of fingers. This book really resonated with me and I highly recommend it.

#we are satellites #epilepsy #actually epileptic

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heniareth · 3 years

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I was tagged by @scribbledquillz for this ao3/fanfic author meme. Thanks so much for tagging me! Now, there’s only one thing (I’ll explain as soon as I answer the first question). But first, tags. I’m gonna tag @yukichouji and @the-iron-lion because I know you write and post, but I also know you’re busy, so please, only do it if you want to and have time ^^ Apart from that, if anybody who sees this wants to give it a go, consider yourself tagged! I’d love to read your answers, so feel free to tag me back

How many works do you have on AO3?

So, here’s the thing: I’ve never posted anything I have written XD One day, I will, but until then, I’ll answer the questions I can answer to the best of my ability ^^ I’ll modify some questions and keep the original ones for anybody who wants to answer those.

What’s your total AO3 fanfic words count?

123.211 words total (not counting one absolutely massive collaborative fanfic that I’m not gonna count rn)

More under the cut!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Funny thing: thanks to this question I’ve rediscovered like ten folders with the beginnings of different fanfics I’d not opened in years. Thank you, @scribbledquillz for making me find my old writings! My main work rn is a Dragon Age Origins retelling (featuring Astala Tabris of course, though I have decided that the other origins--Surana, Amell, Brosca, Mahariel, the whole gang--also survive because yes.) I also have two separate unfinished pieces on Caduceus and Caleb of the Mighty Nein (Critical Role) respectively. Equally unfinished are one fanfic with Loki and his Jotunn heritage, and another about the extermination of mutants in the X-Men universe prior to X-Men: Days of Future Past. Both projects were ambitious, but exist mainly as ideas now. The longest (and oldest) fanfic I’ve ever written is a collaborative super self-indulgent self-insert fix-it fic for The Hobbit. I am quite proud of my younger self for pulling through with this one and sticking to it over such a long time. It is, sadly, also unfinished.

Do you Would you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I would definitely respond to comments. It’s polite. I’d also want to mirror back the joy a comment has inspired in me.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

The X-Men fanfic ends with the events of X-Men: Days of Future Past, which (spoiler?) means all the characters were going to die. But it’s okay because the movie fixes that ^^ But generally speaking, I’m not big on angsty endings. Angst is fine anywhere else.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I think it has to be either the The Hobbit fanfic or the Dragon Age Origins retelling. Characters I strongly identify with tend to get the happiest endings. Oh do I ever wonder why that is so

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I’ve never written a crossover, but I’ve read some really cool ones. There was one featuring the Mighty Nein in the Undeadwood setting (both by Critical Role) that I wished had gone on longer bc it was so cool.

Have you ever recieved hate on a fic?

One of the good things about not posting anything: you don’t subject it to judgement ;D

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have... never finished writing a smutty scene.

One day. One day. Zevran might be the push I need, who knows

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Another one of the good things about not posting anything.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I started translating several of them myself! :D

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh yes! It’s an amazing experience. The creativity is squared. It is important though that all collaborators are on the same page about where the story goes, how the characters will be portrayed, etc. Especially if you give somebody your own OC or self-insert to write about.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

There are a few that have a special place in my heart. Shadogast comes to mind, or Percy/Vex (from Critical Role). I love the Zevwarden ship because it’s a story about allowing feelings and romance and being stronger because of them (at least in my mind). I’m scared of what Fenris/Hawke might do to me when I get around to play DA2 XD

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Definitely the The Hobbit fanfic. It is a glorious mess, and from time to time I go through the documents again... but it’s just a really big project and my collaborators are busy

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue! Banter! I love it. I absolutely adore it. I make it way too long but it’s so much fun. I’m very much character driven I think, which is also why fanfic is so appealing to me. Actions speak louder than words, but characters shout through a megaphone. I also like pairing dialogue with very day-to-day, down-to-earth actions (like folding laundry). I feel like it allows me to convey so much more about the caracters than only through the words they say and the dialogue tags of “he said, she whispered”. Another thing I consider myself strong at is worldbuilding and generally keeping the practical things in mind. If it’s autumn, it’s probably gonna rain, the ground will be wet, they’ll sleep poorly and that’ll be reflected in heightened tempers and therefore more drama in the next scene. The fact that in canon a town has a harbor will have impacted this character who was born there. I like the details and puzzling the pieces together to make a world really come to life XD And, last, I have also recently learned that I write best non-chronologically, and to just write it all out and edit later. It does wonders to advance a project

What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions. I hardly write any at first. I normally see scenes very clearly in my head, but I... don’t communicate it XD I’m so character-driven that I kinda forget about the rest. I also tend to get too bogged down by the mundane? The fact that I like to play around with details of the worldbuilding and have it all make sense means I’ll write that scene where they break up camp even though it... doesn’t really add anything to the story apart from the fact that it happens and they indeed do break up camp. Things that I should tell, I show. It reflects in my wordcount.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I like it! I find it really interesting. I might even listen to the spoken dialogue via Google trnaslate XD The only reason it might bother me is that there’s just no elegant way to integrate the translation into the text on AO3. In a normal book, I’d go for a footnote, but in AO3 and with my chapter length, I won’t make anybody scroll down, read the translation, and scroll up again.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

My first ever fanfic before I knew what fanfic was were things I wrote age 11 with a friend about the cowboy stories this German late 19th century writer Karl May wrote. We were obsessed with those novels

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I gotta say the Hobbit fanfic. It was melodramatic, it was self-indulgent, it had everything. I remember staying up with my friends way into the wee hours of the morning discussing how we’d save Thorin and his nephews from certain death and why Kili was so obsessed with Tauriel after talking to her once XD

And here we go! Thank you so much again for tagging me, this was a lot of fun (and it makes me want to post something. Maybe the Dragon Age Origins retelling will make the cut? I do hope I finish it in the next months)

#me #writing #astala tabris #for fun

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danteinthedevildom · 3 years

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A Royal Pajama Party “Analysis” - Part 2 (of 7)

A continuation from the previous post! Here, we pick up with MC actually in Diavolo’s room with him, preparing for the sleepover. This covers content from the Story Key-locked chapters of the Devilgram, so here’s your cursory warning for spoilers!

Another point towards how important MC is to Diavolo, and how unusual it is for someone to actually spend time with just him. The fact that you’re there, on your own, with him, is something he’s still struggling to comprehend. Demons don’t just do that, not with him; maybe if other demons are there, like he suggests - “since everyone came with you last time” hosts the implication that he thought you came because of them, because everyone was together, and not for the sole purpose of seeing him - but never just one-on-one.

This idea that he has someone content to just be alone in his company? It’s still new to him. It’s something he’s still wrapping his head around, as much as it’s something he’s always wanted. He’s so used to being a secondary thought - to being a host for friends spending time together, and never a friend being spent time with - that you actually being there is surreal. Like a dream, or perhaps a mistake.

You’re not just there to hang out. You’re there to stay the night. You’re there, with him, without interruption. For one whole night, he has your attention, and your attention alone. There’s no second guessing here that you’re only visiting the castle to spend time with someone else; no second guessing that your eyes are drifting elsewhere, or that you’re having more fun with others. It’s you and him, in a setting he’s never gotten to experience before.

Of course he wants to savour it. Of course he wants to enjoy this very rare, very special moment he gets with you. You’re always surrounded by others; the brothers, or the Purgatory Hall boys. Barbatos is never far from his side. This moment, just the two of you, for a whole night, where he can finally be himself and have fun as any other demon would? It very, very likely means the world to him.

I’m likely not overstating when I say this is a night he’ll remember for the rest of his very long life, regardless of whether you end it romantically or platonically.

Diavolo is so behind on what it’s like to be a normal demon - and so excited to be spending time with you - that he’s come up with a list of things the two of you can do together. There’s a better screenshot for this a little later on, so I’ll go in more detail on that there, but there’s two points I want to make here:

A) Diavolo’s so desperate to make this night something special, he actually pre-planned the sleepover to make it more enjoyable for you. That’s how much your time together means to him. He doesn’t get to see you much; he wants to make every second count.

(And maybe, if you enjoy the night, you’ll be more likely to come over again.)

B) There’s a literal list of things Diavolo wants to do with you. When he thinks about doing something with someone? You’re his go-to. There are experiences he wants to share with a friend he cares for and who cares for him just as much, and he’s chosen you to be that friend.

(Here, you essentially say that you love the onesies. It’s one of the options you can choose.)

Diavolo made everyone a set of onesies because, to him, that’s what helps make an evening (and subsequent sleepover) more enjoyable. This is really what I meant by him living the childhood he never got to have. You don’t actually need onesies to make a sleepover fun, and to a lot of adults, it’s something of a childish aspect (as is the concept of a sleepover at all); they’re something you enjoy when you’re young and the idea of dressing up as a dragon is exciting, not what you do as a fully-grown adult (who is more likely to be embarrassed by the concept, as Barbatos is).

The fact that Diavolo isn’t aware of this - or perhaps outright doesn’t care - suggests the entire experience is brand new. He’s excited because he’s never had the chance to do this before, and his inner child - the one that never really had a chance to live - is thriving.

It also shows a lot of inexperience regarding the concept of sleepovers. Diavolo... really doesn’t know what to do. Case in point? He didn’t get the idea of the onesies from his own mind or understanding of sleepovers:

He was told by Asmodeus that pajama parties have to come with “adorable leisure wear”.

There are a few implications here.

One, Diavolo went to Asmodeus for advice. He often does this when he wants to set up events, if only because Asmodeus is a big party animal and up-to-date on the party scene - but the fact that he did it for this? For a sleepover? It says a lot.

Diavolo has no idea what a sleepover entails. He’s absolutely clueless on what they are and how they work. He’s never had one before; never seen how they function. He likely doesn’t realise that a sleepover can really be nothing more than spending your time talking before calling it a night and crashing in bed.

So, knowing his own ignorance, he went to the one demon most likely to know what they are - and not just that, but how to throw the best sleepover possible. He wants this to be a night for he and MC to remember, after all; the better the party is, the more fun he thinks the two of you will have.

In other words? He’s so determined that the night be good, he went to someone else to learn the things he never got to live.

Two, Diavolo fully trusts Asmodeus on anything regarding parties. This isn’t a huge point, but I want to note this because it has come up before.

Diavolo, in chats, has expressed upset over not being invited to Asmodeus’ parties, and in Devilgrams, has asked for Asmodeus’ help in setting up events. He knows this is something Asmo’s good at and that will likely make him happy, as well as something that allows Diavolo to spend a little time in his company.

So, it’s not just MC that he tries to get close to - it’s everyone. You’re just... the most reciprocal to his attempts at friendship.

That said, though, he trusts Asmo’s advice enough to go back to him for more. Which says a lot! He’s a prince; he could have someone else do the research for him, and he probably has a party planner of some sort, since most royals actually do considering the amount of ceremonies they host. Instead? He personally goes to Asmo and asks for his thoughts. And not only does he listen to them, but:

Three, this is still a novelty to Diavolo, but it’s also something he’s taking seriously. He’s not just reciting Asmodeus’ words directly - you really can hear Asmo’s voice in the first screenshot, as if he’s saying them verbatim - he’s also praising Asmodeus for the knowledge he was given as if it’s some sort of secret law Diavolo wasn’t aware of.

Which absolutely makes sense. Diavolo’s gone to Asmodeus about various events before - such as the colour party in the Concealed in Colour Devilgram - and much of those come with a set of “rules” that make the events what they are. It’s entirely possible that Diavolo genuinely thinks you have to wear onesies for it to be a proper pajama party. He doesn’t have the experience to tell him otherwise; he’s never had one before!

Plus, we all know how theatrical Asmodeus is. The chances of him emphasising that “a pajama party just isn’t a pajama party without onesies!” is fairly high. Diavolo wouldn’t know better. So, naturally, he’d make everyone a onesie, and include them in this sleepover he’s set up to pack everything he never got to experience into.

This is the final set of screenshots for this post, since the next really does need its own, but! This is the part I mentioned before, noting that Diavolo actually, legitimately wrote up a list.

Firstly? This is a list of things he wants to do with you. It’s not just a sleepover list - although it is, since a lot of what follows are typical sleepover-related events - but a list he’s written up specifically for your time together.

I cannot express how sad this is. This is how little Diavolo gets to see you, particularly one-on-one. This is how little Diavolo gets to do with anyone. This is what Diavolo sees as thrilling for a night of fun.

Watching a movie with you, and eating popcorn.

It is the most mundane thing anyone could come up with. This is the sort of thing you do spontaneously at a sleepover - “hey, anyone wanna watch a movie? I think we’ve got popcorn in the cupboard” - and yet... it’s something so unique to him, he actually wrote it down.

Movies take time. At least an hour and a half. The fact that he’s never had the chance to do this with you before suggests he’s never had so much as an hour and a half of free time spent just with you, without anything else going on - and you're someone perfectly willing to visit him at the drop of a hat.

It's sad to think that part of Diavolo's struggles in making (and keeping) friends may entirely revolve around how difficult it is to spare time for the beings he cares about.

It's likewise sad to think that this time is so rare, he openly tells you he'll cherish the mundanity of watching a movie.

Moreover, these are the experiences he sees as prime importance for the very lengthy time you're sharing together.

He's the Prince of the Devildom, and there are almost definitely events that humans have never been able to experience before going on across his kingdom well into the night. He could take you to events beyond comprehension; to scenes that would enrapture you and fill you with awe; to places you would never be able to reach without him by your side...

Yet all he wants to do is watch a movie with you.

If it's true that he doesn't get to spend much time with you (if any at all) in a casual capacity, Diavolo is explicitly showing here that what matters most to him is time spent in personal, close contact. He doesn't have to make your time with him grand and ever-lasting; he just wants to share these normal, plain, everyday experiences with you.

You make him feel normal. You afford him to exist in a way he simply can't at any other point in time, with anyone else. This is more special to him because of what it represents. Because it's you, and him, doing something everyone does. Because you're his friend, and he's doing friend stuff with you.

It's a little awkward - a little stiff and formal with the list and the setup - but it's only because he knows he doesn't get much time with you, knows he might not get more time with you for several months, and he's so out of touch with how friendships work he wants to do everything in a single night.

In other words? You're his friend. He wants to know what it feels like to have a normal friendship with you. And he wants to stuff every rare moment he gets in your company full of activies he's not been able to do with you before.

Which brings us to the second point: the importance is in his wording.

He's wanted this for "quite some time". There's an implication that he's not just spontaneously come up with a bunch of activities he thinks you'll enjoy or that are typical to the sleepover experience; he's chosen things he's been dying to do with you. Things he's been sitting on for some time, patiently waiting for the chance - for the perfect alignment of stars - to actually bring up to you.

Maybe these are things Diavolo has always wanted to do. Things he's noted down and planned out since he was a child, having heard other demons talk of them, so he could experience them at a point in time where he finally had friends of his own. Maybe they're things he's only thought of doing more recently, clinging onto the hope that he could actually plan for experiences, even in the tentative quiet of his own mind, with your arrival. It's hard to tell.

But in either case? He is so genuinely thrilled to be able to spend time with you, he has enough ideas - enough experiences he's never shared with someone before - that he's fully capable of making a list.

This is how isolated Diavolo was, and still is. This is how much of his childhood - of his life - he missed out on. This is why he's so enthusiastic to spend any time with you he can.

He has an entire back catalogue of perfectly generic things he's simply never done.

That has to be one hell of a lonely life if something like "watch a movie together" is something he's been wanting to do "for some time". That has to be one hell of an isolated life if this, to him, is his most desired item on his itinery - and not the thousands of things magic and rulership leave in potential at his fingertips.

Which leads me to conclude this post on one, final question.

How long since your arrival in the Devildom has he wanted to spend simple time with you?

+++

And thus, we conclude part 2! Thank you for reading this far once again. Hopefully it was enjoyable!

The next set of screenshots dip into the movie experience with Diavolo, and are a tiny bit lighter than the previous two posts.

So, if you’d like, hop over to part 3!

#obey me diavolo #obey me analysis #obey me

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sendnotes · 3 years

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books i read in april.

this is going to be my thing from now on. i'll compile a list of all the books i read in a month and share my thoughts on each one every end of the month.

just so you know, i'm a little forgetful, and i have a tendency to forget names, plots, and other details. i'm hoping that writing these will aid my memory in recalling how i felt about each novel.

you can also find me on goodreads

so, let’s begin, shall we?

101 essays that will change the way you think (wiest, brianna)

self-help book

this book got off to a good start! some of the essays written (or should i say a collection of articles originally published on the thoughtcatalog website) made me think and consider my outlook on life, love, and so on.

the title overstates the case though. when i think of an essay, i picture something more argumentative and philosophical. not to mention that the majority of the ideas in this book are redundant. it made it difficult to get through. nonetheless, i was able to get past it because there were so many fantastic concepts and topics discussed.

overall, it's an interesting & worthwhile read for those who enjoy thinking outside the box.i lost count of how many times this book gave me aha moments. i swear, most of the entries soothed my mind and provided a great pick-me-up when life seemed to be frustrating.

the midnight library (haig, matt)

science fiction, fantasy fiction, psychological fiction

regrets, self-remorse, what ifs, family approval, drugs, dreams, love, passion, hatred, death, afterlife, multiverses, quantum physics, and a plethora of possibilities packed into a 304-page book.

i'll be honest: this book is already on my list of favorites. i'm simply blown away by how well-crafted and diverse the entire story unfolded.

a sci-fi novel with a dash of fantasy and a smidgeon of philosophy. if that's your thing, you should give this book a shot.

the first few pages of the book gave me an impression and led me to surmise it was going to be a cheesy ass chick lit novel that i'd only read and find enjoyable in high school. i was completely off base. it proved to be very mature, full of lessons, but delivered in a fun and entertaining manner— exactly my cup of tea.

it reminded me of a disney pixar film called soul, in which the afterlife is depicted in vivid detail. they differ on so many levels, but they both imagine life after death for people who are unsure of their path, purpose, and passion.

every chapter served a significant concept, so this book is well-deserved of a 5-star rating!

norwegian wood (murakami, haruki)

fiction, romance novel, bildungsroman

as i read the book and neared the end, all i could think about was how this book became one of murakami's most popular and influential works.

murakami offers a sprawling glimpse into the lives of a group of severely damaged youths grappling with the realities of what emptiness entails. take what you will from it.

i know a lot of people like it, which is fine. but please keep in mind that this book hit me square in the gut. it alternated between making me angry, sad, annoyed, and disgusted almost constantly. there isn't much else.

this book should come with a warning: "this is not a good place to start if you're new to murakami's works. this is not a representative of murakami's brilliance."

fist and foremost, the characters in this book are all repulsive.

toru watanabe was a fuckboy and a softboy rolled into one. what could possibly be worse than that? he'd have as many casual sexual partners as he could while also buttering a girl up by appealing to her emotions and displaying a "sensitive" and "vulnerable" side.

this book was made even more depressing by the fact that each female character was needy, weak, dysfunctional, and dependent. since they're all the same, i'm not going to go over each of these female characters one by one. you already get the idea.

reiko ishida, imo, was one of the best rendered sections of the novel. most likely because she had a better grasp on her emotions and goals than the still seeking youths... until, *spoiler alert* she wanted to do it with toru as well. a big disappointment.

to summarize, this book is primarily concerned with two topics: sex and death.

hidden meanings are everywhere, but when you get to the core, that's all that remains.

the four agreements: a practical guide to personal freedom (ruiz, miguel)

self-help book

first agreement ⏤ be impeccable with your word

this essentially means that you should not spew gossip or use words to harm others. because words have tremendous power and can cause significant harm. you are not only negatively affecting others with your hateful and thoughtless words, but you are also hurting yourself. this is something with which i generally agree. how i see it, when people are unhappy with themselves, they turn to others to make themselves feel better. as a result, they gossip about others in order to divert attention away from themselves.

second agreement ⏤don't take anything personally

alright. sure. don't let what others say about you bother you. it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. well, i don't entirely agree, but i think it's a fantastic idea in general. however, achieving this goal will be extremely difficult. i believe it would take a lot of practice to reach this level of zen. plus, i honestly believe that other people's opinions still matter because they keep you in check. the best advice is to not be swayed by these opinions, but to consider why they were expressed in the first place. see what you can do to improve yourself from there. sure, it can be difficult to deal with; after all, no one likes being told they're wrong or whatnot. but it's not all bad news because you can sometimes use criticism and judgment to give you a competitive edge. i mean- don't you think hearing someone else's point of view is also an opportunity to learn and progress? ruiz should have stressed that it's not just about "not taking it personally because you know you're not that person," but also about not retaliating with an extreme knee-jerk reaction even if you believe you're being unfairly criticized.

third agreement ⏤ don't make assumptions

this is a real eye-opener for me. i've noticed that whenever i become enraged by someone's words, it's usually due to my tendency to assume. personally, i can't help but make assumptions. i don't know what other people's motivations are, and i can't help but draw conclusions based on the information i have. even if the other person had no intention of causing me harm, it's too late. the thought has become ingrained in my mind, and i never ask for clarification out of pride or fear of appearing overly sensitive.

fourth agreement ⏤ always do your best

this section did not seem particularly useful to me. i mean, aren't we all reminded of this all the time? this section is filled with sloppy writing, in my opinion. as if he badly wanted to finish the book and impulsively thought: "okay, fourth agreement: always do your best. that should suffice. lmao"

overall opinion: the third agreement was my favorite, but the rest were a no-go. don't get me wrong, i appreciated his ideas, but i've heard them all a hundred times before. basically, the book's sole takeaway is that we are all suffering in some way in our daily lives, and we are all dealing with different issues. regardless, we all need to be kinder and gentler to ourselves and others.

the song of achilles (miller, madeline)

romance novel, historical Fiction, war story

i'll keep it short and sweet:

i really wouldn't have had this book any other way. miller's writing is breathtaking, so rich and full of lovely detail. it's incredibly a unique concept to me that authors are rewriting such ancient history and stories to make them lgbt+!

some suggest it's tedious, but i disagree. it isn't slow; rather, it is just right.

'cause at the end of the day, it's not about war, tragedy, or heroes - it's a slow-burning, organic love tale between two young men and their inevitable connection.

it's sad, tender, and painful, but in the best way possible.

circe (miller, madeline)

novel, historical fiction, fantasy fiction

"greek mythology, but with a feminist twist"?! sign me the hell up! this piqued my interest... only to leave me feeling completely let down. seriously now. circe was described as a "badass empowered woman," which was the single most compelling selling point for me, and thus the most wrenching disappointment, i must say.

sure, it demonstrated the value of feminine power, but it also did represent how this power can be a force of good or evil.

not to mention the fact that circe fucked a married man or two in this book- i mean- how is that an ~empowered woman~?

let's be clear right off the bat: madeline miller's follow-up to the song of achilles is epic in scope but not necessarily in execution. to me, this read more like a tedious island tale. regardless of how many five-star reviews this book has received... i just don't think it's well-deserved. don't get me wrong here. miller is a fantastic author with a lush writing! istg- i'm blown away by how beautifully she wrote and carefully chose her words. even the most mundane phrases were written poetically. after-all, it’s greek mythology. but how did she manage to make circe seem so... bland?

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therealkatekane · 5 years

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My Journey

At the tender age of thirty-five, I have discovered anime. Don’t get me wrong, I first watched Princess Mononoke at sixteen. It was my first exposure to Eastern thought, and it blew my tiny adolescent western mind, and I loved it. But outside of Ghibli movies and Voltron (which I don’t count), I’ve never sought it out on my own.

As a previous post might indicate, I am obsessed with Godzilla, so it isn’t as if I’m closed off from Japanese media. Most of the video games I play are Japanese. (Fire Emblem, Harvest Moon, Rune Factory, pretty much anything Nintendo.) One of my partners is even a Pacific Islander of Japanese descent, who lived in Japan, who speaks Japanese. And we’ve been together seven years. But all of the sudden, now I’m on this quest to make up for lost time and consume all the anime I can.

(Note: If you have suggestions, I would love them. But I would prefer if they were queer. I want women in love with other women. It doesn’t have to be overt, but I don’t want any heterosexual romances, and would prefer as few male characters as possible. I’ve seen enough male-driven storylines, thanks.)

But today, I am here to word-vomit all about the queer extravaganza that is Senki Zesshou Symphogear. Because I am addicted. I’ll start with this picture.

And so begins our journey...

The show starts out the gate being super gay. Tsubasa (Blue) and Kanade (Red) are each a half of the singing duo Zwei Wing. They refer to one another as partners and there is a lot of “We can do anything as long as we’re together” and “I’m going to sing with you forever” type stuff.

Then there is Hibiki and Miku:

Friends since childhood, they are the core couple of the show. Hibiki is the main character who typically discovers she’s not just a normal girl and has the ability to wield a Gear, which allows her to become this adorable badass superhero. Miku is her anchor in the mundane world. She is frequently the one person or thing that can reach/inspire/motivate Hibiki. She is what drives Hibiki.

Hibiki calls Miku her sunflower, the place where she is warmest, where she will always return to.

Which brings me to the point that they share a bed. Despite having bunk beds, they always sleep together. Except when they’re fighting, then they go to their respective bunks. It’s just so cute.

The characters are delightfully complex. Hibiki is as pure as the driven snow but she isn’t naive. Usually, pure characters are oblivious or ignorant to the danger or evil around them, but Hibiki isn’t. She knows fighting is dangerous. She knows people can be evil, but those things never deter her. It makes her incredibly brave, even when confronted with someone she knows is malicious, she extends her hand in friendship because she chooses to believe the best in others. It is nice to see a character who is sweet and pure without being an utter dumbass.

We’ve all seen it. The sweet, precious hero is surprised that the bad guy who has been trying to kill them for an entire season won’t be their friend. Hibiki is NOT like that. She always gives people the opportunity for kindness without expectation, with the full awareness that it might be rejected.

Miku is the sweet, somewhat demure, nurturing one. She is the caretaker character. You might initially think she’s the standard timid and meek best friend stock character. But nope. She does not suffer fools. She is not an enabler. She is not afraid to call anybody out on their bullshit, regardless of who they are. She does what she thinks is right which also makes her very brave. She wants to protect Hibiki as much as Hibiki protects her.

Their dynamic is just lovely. Hibiki can kind of be a mess sometimes. She’s absent-minded, never on time, doesn’t prioritize school work. Miku is always there to pull her back down to earth, to center her. If she feels Hibiki is losing focus or deviating from who she is, Miku will always be the one to ground her. She truly is Hibiki’s anchor, her safe place. And I love it.

Oh and there is my dear Yukine Chris. I won’t go super in detail, but I will leave you with this:

It is exactly what it looks like. A queer D/s relationship. Unfortunately, it’s toxic and unhealthy. A whole lot of “I’m the only one that can love you” and “You have to obey me or I won’t love you anymore” and “I’m angry so you have to let me take it out on you” and so on. It’s all taken directly from the Abusive Relationship Handbook.

But worry not, we are not subjected to the toxicity for terribly long, and Chris gets the kindness and love she deserves from her new friends and senpai. I’d go more in depth, but y’know... spoilers.

Now, let us march forward to season two where our Roster of Queerness is completed by three additional characters. Two of which are so cute I cannot even fucking stand it.

I call them my Precious Gay Babies.

Kirika and Shirabe are two little baby gays that grew up in an orphanage with only one another and Maria, who is like a big sister to them. But oh my fucking god they are so precious I can’t even handle it.

Kirika is the more animated of the two. The sweet, cheerful ray of sunshine. And Shirabe is the quieter, more solemn of the two. They literally have a fight where they are shouting back and forth at each other how much they love one another. If this show was only about them, I would watch it. They are just way too cute.

Shirabe can be a little possessive of Kirika, and Kirika knows who she belongs to. If another girl touches her, she knows Shirabe will put the stomp down on it. I usually find behavior like that kind of squicky and toxic, but in this instance it isn’t too gross because I think it’s rooted in their background. They’ve only ever had one another so they’re extremely protective of each other.

I mean, just look.

Look at my Precious Gay Babies!

LOOK AT THEM!!

They are so cute and precious and I love them.

Let me wrap this up with Maria.

I won’t go too in depth with Maria because I don’t want to be spoiler-y. But 1) She’s fantastic. 2) No, I don’t know what’s up with her hair. 3) She is totally queer for Tsubasa, and I’m sailing on that ship.

I am midway through the fourth season. So, I haven’t caught up to the most current season (5) but holy hell. I am invested.

It’s just a bunch of girls (oh! And there is even a genderless, sexless character who is precious and I love) being in love with other girls and fighting monster things.

I fucking love this show. Right now, it’s kind of vying for top spot with Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid. Which may only be my number one because it’s a little more overt in its women sleeping with other women thing. It’s equal parts “fuck yes!” combined with “am I high right now?” That’ll be my next post, I digress.

If you are in the mood for some light but surprisingly good entertainment featuring a strong line of female characters who all fall in love with one another, then I cannot recommend Senki Zesshou Symphogear enough. It is fan-fucking-tastic. It doesn’t require too much thought, but it makes up for it by giving you a ton of warm, fuzzy feels.

And if you can recommend me anything similar. Or anything that heavily features queer women, I would be forever in your debt.

Oh, and PS there is a mobile game, which is how I found the show in the first place. Downloaded the game, played it, then got all fucked up on the anime. Worth it.

#symphogear #senki zesshou #tachibana hibiki #hibiki #miku kohinata #yukine chris #kirika akatsuki #maria cadenzavna eve #tsubasa kazanari #shirabe x kirika #amou kanade #zwei wing #hibiki x miku #precious gay babies

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seijch · 4 years

Photo

BY DAY, you attend classes and sling drinks at the campus cafe. By night, you’re known as the Harbinger, an individual with the Gift of shadow and darkness. Your two jobs have never had any reason to collide…not until the appearance of a fellow Gifted by the name of Ace, anyway.

[ read luck of the draw here !! ]

this is an extra post for me to infodump on all the worldbuilding details i never got to fit into my already obnoxiously large fic 🕺🏻🕺🏻 its holding my brain hostage so maybe posting this will help!!!

please read luck of the draw before clicking the readmore !! there are spoilers abound (and you probably won’t understand much of what i’m saying if you haven’t read the fic LMAO)

ABOUT THE CONCEPT

the very core of luck of the draw isn’t actually unique to kenji or to haikyuu in general; in fact, it was originally a part of a superhero!skz series i was planning to write but never got around to. the foundation of this fic -- kenji’s power and the idea of them being opposing forces that slowly draw together -- was originally given to stray kids’ hyunjin. i never went past the Thinking Stage with it, so it was fairly easy to hand the concept over to futakuchi when i moved fandoms.

the dynamic of this fic in general was inspired pretty heavily by miraculous ladybug’s “love square,” but i ... obviously wasn’t going to write all four sides of it so i stuck to the civilian identities (the reader and kenji) and the alteregos (harbinger and ace). in the kpop version of this wip, the reader and hyunjin were coworkers, but in moving from one fandom to another and reworking it for futakuchi, i decided to make them friends instead. they’re not particularly close (they’re definitely comfortable but not close Emotionally) to start with, but there’s potential for something to start!

ABOUT THE WORLD

in this universe, the city is ruled by two major factions that control much of the economy: seijoh, who controls the entertainment/tourism industries and has its fingers in most of the smaller businesses around the city (such as johzenji and dateko) and nekoma, who is partnered with the equally large fukurodani to control shipment of all kinds as well as the food industry (among others). nekoma has allies within the local government, and seijoh all but controls the law enforcement.

karasuno, on the other hand, works entirely from the underground to overhaul the way things are run in the city; it’s a bit .... corrupt as of right now, and they seek to change that.

at the top are typically individuals blessed with special powers known as gifts. these gifts can be as mundane as the ability to make flowers bloom wherever you walk or as powerful as being able to alter the flow of time. there exist a series of regulations (and a shit ton of paperwork) that come about whenever an individual happens to manifest a gift.

however, the city’s gifted demographic is incorrectly represented; a chunk of the gifted population are instead drawn to the allure of making money by doing illicit deeds for companies like seijoh or nekoma. these individuals’ gifts are never properly documented due to the traceability it lends itself to, should a job go wrong.

the government is supposedly in talks to enact stricter laws on the gifted, despite them making up a comparatively small percentage of the population. the head of the department of gifted individuals, ushijima wakatoshi, is a particularly overwhelming force in support of better regulation of his fellow gifted.

ABOUT THE CHARACTERS

in the first draft of luck of the draw, the sequence of events and relationship dynamics were MUCH different. in the final draft, you see the alteregos being drawn to each other first before you see the civilians come together.

in that first draft, it was originally centered on the civilians getting together despite kinda-sorta being attracted to each other’s alterego? as a result, the kiss scene between the alteregos was still there but it was DRASTICALLY different. the whole idea of it and imo moral ambiguitity (kenji and the reader never went official with their relationship in the first draft) didn’t sit right with me at all; it felt a little like i was using cheating as a plot device which ??? no.

to make the long story short, the execution of that (tbh poorly developed) idea was.......less than stellar.

so i took a look at the chronology and basically upended the entire midsection to make the concept something that was less awful morally? that’s what i hope happened, anyway LJSKDFLSD

in the first draft, the reader (as harbinger) was also much less competent than they are in the final draft as a result of having been affiliated with karasuno for a shorter time. in truth, the harbinger’s origin story didn’t surface until i was in the middle of writing the second draft!

when it comes to the other characters:

oikawa doesn’t have a gift, which is rather rare for someone with their thumb sitting so heavily on the city’s pulse point

iwaizumi’s gift is entirely up to interpretation! him and oikawa making formal appearances in the story was something that only came up towards the end of draft two, so i didn’t have the space (word count wise) to really give either much thought

kyotani came into his gift without any control over it, and is only given amnesty because he was found hiding by iwaizumi

i really really wanted to talk about kyotani in this fic but ultimately it wasnt revolving around him + i once again didn’t have space to even tease an encounter with him (so in the fic proper he’s mostly there as a cameo + to scare you as you read into a potential action scene)

aone and kenji actually come from the same company that happened to come under seijoh’s control, so they’re more comfortable with each other than anyone else!

hinata has the gift of manipulation as long as you’re making eye contact with him; unfortunately, if he wills it, it’s rather hard to break eye contact once you’ve made it -- aone made the mistake of glancing at him during the takeover at seijoh hq, leading to his hold on harbinger loosening

kageyama obviously has the gift of ice/hail/snow manipulation to a rather strong extent, considering he can create it where there is none and lower the temperature of the air around him (the reader cannot create their own darkness, only manipulate what is around them)

he also has some beef with oikawa (or is it the other way around?) that involves him formerly working under seijoh -- not one of their many smaller companies, but seijoh itself (much like iwaizumi and after kageyama leaves, kyotani)

in terms of who’s been with karasuno the longest of the introduced cast, it’s tsukishima/three-eyes > hinata = kageyama > reader (but not by much)

MISCELLANEOUS

following the takeover of seijoh, tsukishima finds himself at wit’s end much more often LMAO

there are a good amount of deleted scenes and scenes that were only added in at the very last second!

among the deleted scenes is a scene where the civilians are at the park -- in the first draft, it happened in the middle, but in the second it was towards the end. it got taken out because come the end of the second draft, i realized it no longer fit ...

in terms of completion status, it probably ?? took a little over a month from this to go from Thinking Stage to the 14.2k monstrosity you see now? there were a couple of weeks early on where i did nothing on my ipad and laptop except outline and write, respectively

i definitely got burned out halfway through (which is abt the time i posted the xc2 au .. i NEEDED to work on smth else)

the idea of the clock tower wasn’t present at all in the first draft!! i only really came up with it in the second draft because i’d rather have them meet somewhere consistent and identifiable rather than some nondescript building

the running joke (?) of them getting drinks together wasn’t present until the third and final draft -- originally the scene where ace asks “do you remember our last conversation?” had a different beginning

in fact, a lot of the scenes that are a bit more...emotionally charged (see: every scene after ace’s unmasking as well as the movie night scene where the civilians struggle to define what their relationship has become) had to be overhauled dramatically

ummm i love kenji thats it! none of this would be possible if i didnt have the strongest mf brainrot for him so ... ! theres that LMAO

(theres probably more im forgetting to say ........ if any of you want to pick my brain regarding the chronology or the characters or why i had them say something or do something send me an ask! this post tbh is almost entirely for me but i didnt put this much thought into a fic that long to NOT share it with everyone else)

#futakuchi x reader #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #futakuchi kenji #i shouldnt have typed this out #i feel like writing a spinoff #i cant tell if itd be another kenji fic or explore kyotani or even kageyama tbh #this universe is literally holding me at gunpoint omg luck of the draw took so much from me but i still want to write fic in the same settin

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muthaz-rapapa · 4 years

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Rewatch: Mahou Tsukai Precure Ep 2

For the record, I am always going to be that little girl excited to go magic school for the first time.

You won’t take that away from me, EVAH!

Hello, hello again and welcome to episode 2 of our rewatch marathon!

Unfortunately (or fortunately, hahaha), I couldn’t make it shorter since I have to talk about everything but I did finish it by Sunday so yay~!

Oh, and I’m going to switch to using the terms “witch/wizard” in place of “mage” from now on. The rough translation of “魔法使い” (mahoutsukai) is literally “magic user” but it can also be exchanged with words like “mage”, “sorcerer”, “magician” so technically, it’s not wrong. “Witch” and “wizard” can also have more specific translations ( (魔女, majo & 魔道士, madoushi, respectively) but I still feel they’re more appropriate for MahoPre’s setting. It just depends how you interpret the context, I guess.

Starting with the Snailiner.

I mean, it’s a giant snail train transporting you between worlds.

That’s so friggin’ awesome!! *squees* xDD

And here are our Muggle newbies, taking in the inter-realm sights for all its worth.

But that’s not as important as OMGERD, Mofurun’s lil’ tail twitching in wonder and curiosity! KYAAAAA~!!!

Mofurun smooshing her nose to the glass to get a closer look~!!

SO BABEY, IT HURTS!!!!

(੭ु ›ω‹ )੭ु⁾⁾♡

Riko, however, is eager to get down to business and tries to get an answer on how Mofu-chan came to life...

But these two are just too happy that they can talk to each other now that they don’t really care about the whys or the whats of the hows and UGH!

My heart! *clutches chest*

♡(｡>ˇ艸<)

God, we know Mirai has probably been talking to Mofurun since she could first utter words (and likely baby gabbled to her before that, too) but imagine how long that wait must have been for Mofurun! Never knowing if there will ever be chance for her to tell Mirai know how much she loves her and everything!

I’m so happy Mofu-baby got her wish in the end! <3

Oh, Riko...

You’re in for a lot of these non-answers, I’m afraid. (^ ^ ;;)

Next is Mirai’s turn to ask the questions and of course, she wants to know what Precure is.

We already know how this goes as a yearly tradition but it’s interesting how centuries/extensively long periods of time can embellish a legend so much that it differs significantly from how it was originally told or what it actually means.

The way Riko explains it, it’s as if Precure has appeared in the world before when in reality, Mirai and Riko are in fact the very first Precure (in this universe).

The conditions match up because (WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD):

1) The “magic” (Precure) Mother Rapapa mentioned before her passing will occur when the two worlds come together again. Cue a person from the Mundane World (Mirai) meeting and teaming up with a person from the Magic World (Riko) to fulfill that prophecy. Also note that before these two, no pair like them has ever showed up since Mother Rapapa’s death even though the Magic World has already found ways to travel to the Mundane World and back long ago.

2) Mother Rapapa’s powers are implied to take on the form of Linkle Stones. That said, they disappeared when she did...until they reappeared with the arrival of Precure. We can take that to mean that Precure are the inheritors of Rapapa’s will, to reunite the separate worlds.

3) The birth of Ha-chan, Mother Rapapa’s reincarnation, happened after Mirai and Riko became Precure together.

So really, if I’m getting this right, we might have three versions of this legend: the one that is the most commonly known but not exactly correct [Riko’s version]; the one which is told by the oldest fairies/magical beings who lived in the time when Mother Rapapa was still alive and the world was still one [the original]; finally, the one that’s happening before our eyes where the connection and bond forged between Mirai and Riko can bring about miracles, such as the return of Mother Rapapa through Ha-chan [the true version].

The fact that Deusmast’s revival coincides with these events are anything but coincidental. Mother Rapapa knew she was going to have to face it again so it’s not a stretch to say she might have planned for her own rebirth in the present day to prepare for that.

Two girls who can bring the two worlds together will become Precure, wielders of Mother Rapapa’s powers. Said two girls will also raise and look after her future self, Kotoha, before she’s ready to face her true purpose. When the two worlds are in sync again and Kotoha accepts her role as a divine existence, then, combined with the gathered Linkle Stones and the extra support of Precure and every living being on planet earth, the reborn Mother Rapapa can finally be summoned in her full might to confront and defeat Chaos once and for all.

......or at least, that’s how I’m interpreting it as of this moment. I may have gotten few details wrong but see, this is why I need to do a rewatch. To find out how on or far off the mark I am.

I’m really liking this theory, though, cuz it just makes too much sense! compared to the crazy ones I normally make anyways, lol xD;

Erhem, alright a break from the wall of text.

Mirai is like “Wow, that’s pretty cool!” because it’s not every day you’ve acquired abilities only found in stories and tales while Riko is like...

“Wait...wut?” *PROCESSING*

And then...

Proceeds to probably have one of the biggest revelations of her life and goes all creepy smiley about it.

lol, oh, Riko. You’re scaring me, darling. (^ ^ ;;)

But jokes and laughs aside, you can see the differences between their personalities in these few seconds.

Riko wants to be recognized and respected so badly as a proper witch that she’ll even settle for using a shortcut through the Emerald or simply bearing the title of Precure to get there. Despite the fact that neither of those are synonymous with the credit and skill earned from hard work. In other words, she’d only be a witch in name and nothing more. It’s not truly her magic.

However, from Riko’s standpoint, you have to understand why she’s desperate. She’s got poor marks in the most essential subject for magic users and thinks something’s wrong with her because of that. She can’t handle her embarrassment from that ineptitude and if she’s tried everything already and nothing works, then she’s going to have to resort to more outrageous methods to get out of the dilemma she’s in.

This logic is filled with flaws and it’s terribly worrisome but Riko, if anything, is determined to make something of herself. She may have fallen down more times than she can count but she always made herself stand up.

It’s hard not to cheer for her and want her to succeed.

Mirai, in comparison, seems more naive and simple-minded.

Riko’s excitement is not something she can comprehend right now because for one thing, she’s never had to shoulder the angst that comes with not being able to fulfill expectations that is, until the epilogue.

But rather than see this as a bland aspect of her character, we should appreciate that Mirai is a very stable, positive and warm person.

When Riko couldn’t deal with the frustration over her own perceived failures, Mirai never judged her for what she could or couldn’t do. She still wholeheartedly accepted Riko, unfailingly believed that Riko can achieve great things and still saw Riko as the most amazing witch she’s ever come across. Yes, even though there were more accomplished magic users she’s met since coming over to the Magic World, the one Mirai continued to admire and wanted to get close to the most was Riko.

It’s true that for a majority of the season, Mirai played more of supporting role to Riko at times and didn’t have any personal wish other than wanting to stay together with her beloved friends. Nevertheless, she’s always immensely cherished by the people around her for who she is. Especially Riko, who really needed someone like Mirai in her life. That Mirai places those she loves above any great ambition and later goes on to chase a dream of rejoining the two worlds so everyone can be happy together, it really proves how purely wonderful she is as a person.

That’s cute. 8D

I’d be lying if I wasn’t reminded of Harry Potter when I saw this because it did.

But this is a magical girl anime where almost everything is cutesy-fied so I’m obliged to scream when I see something I think is cute! xD;

This time, it’s Riko’s turn to treat Mirai to food!

Awesome! I like to believe they do this all the time. Riko takes care of everything when they visit the Magic World and Mirai provides when they’re in the Mundane World.

A part of their relationship that’s always balanced no matter what.

Ha-chan and Mofurun don’t have to pay, though, cuz they babies and it’s okay for their mommies to spoil them~ <3

Shivery Mofu-baby~

lol, she even goes to touch it a second time like “Brrr~, this is chilly, but one more cuz it’s gives me the tingles, bRrRrRr~!!”

xDDD

That looks sooooo cool!

I love mandarin oranges and I’ve ate them slightly chilled before. They’re great.

But eating one in this manner? I wanna try, I wanna try!

FEED DA TINY BEAR

( ☉ω⊙)

(๑ˊ͈ ॢꇴ ˋ͈)〜♡॰ॱ

Mirai’s so enjoying every moment of this impromptu trip and Riko’s quite satisfied that she can impress someone for once.

But then there’s that dreaded crunching noise and, well...

The mouth can’t lie while eating, after all, lol.

Ok, Riko’s faces are the best.

She went from “Are you serious, don’t make me look bad, plz” to “Shoot, these are hard as rocks, oh no, how do I protect my vulnerable image in front of this Muggle?! *sweats*”

In the end, she dodged it with tsun, hahaha

So they finally arrive in the Magic World and frankly, it’s a beautiful place. Is every piece of land a floating island?! I want to live there! :D

Also, yes, while StarPre did take extra steps in worldbuilding, there are few things you gotta remember:

1) MahoPre aired before StarPre did, so it should be expected for later seasons to improve on what their predecessors brought to the table. Seeing as MahoPre and StarPre had the same series coordinator, Isao Murayama, I’d say he definitely got better when it came to this topic.

2) MahoPre only had one foreign world in its setting while StarPre had many planets since it dealt with space.

3) MahoPre still did what a lot of other Precure seasons opted not to do: give the main characters free access to explore and learn about other worlds.

Seriously, the “fantasy land seized by darkness/evil and needs to be saved by girls from another dimension” plot is present in almost every installation of this tv franchise that it’s just refreshing to not be restricted by those limits for once.

I could go on but I think I’ve made my point. :P

Riko said the Magic Academy is at the center of the Magic World. So does that mean it’s the highest authority on all matters regarding magic? Because I don’t recall anything about the Magic World having an actual government.

Well, anyways, I suspect that all the students’ wands are registered with the school otherwise that’d be a huge security risk if anyone can just open the gate with a simple spell. (o_o ;;)

Oh, and look, it’s the kitty from Riko’s metro pass! :D

Same, Mirai.

SAAAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEEEE

SUUUUURRRREEE, WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT

Here’s MahoPre’s version of McGonagall. Strangely enough, we never got a name for her. Same for the Headmaster. They were always addressed as just their faculty names.

Anyways, she’s as stern and strict as you’d expect of any teacher but even so, I don’t find her disapproval towards Riko’s actions to be too unfair or too harsh.

I mean, c’mon, if you were in her position and found out that one of your students broke a bunch of rules overnight only for them to come back with an outsider and this explanation, wouldn’t you react the same way she did?

The lady’s just doing her job.

Plus, her anger is justified because not only did Riko break the rules and exposed their kind but she could’ve really gotten hurt out there all by herself as well. Riko didn’t even bring any money with her for food, for crying out loud.

I’m sorry, Riko, as much as I’d like to give in to those puppy dog eyes (aaaahhhh, don’t look at me like that, you cutie~!), the professor’s right about this one.

Still, all things considered, she doesn’t outright expel Riko. Not because she doesn’t have that authority, I don’t think (that lies with the Headmaster), but it seems to me she might’ve wanted to find an alternative punishment as expulsion might be too cruel.

She even gave Riko fair warning not to leave the room until she found the Headmaster to discuss what to do next and when she saw Riko running around campus later despite that order, she freaked out in concern.

“Do you want to be expelled, Riko-san?!”

So yea, I’'d like to believe the Deputy Headmistress, at least, didn’t want to send Riko packing for home if it could be helped.

That done and said, it probably hit Mirai just how much trouble Riko’s in right now. Sure, Riko leaving school at night without permission is her own responsibility to bear and the same goes for bringing Mirai back to the Magic World with her when she shouldn’t have.

But still, Mirai being here is a violation of the Magic World at large. If she were aware of that, maybe she wouldn’t have gone with Riko in the first place (noooo!) so that Riko wouldn’t have to face possible expulsion.

Fortunately, Riko’s a sensible girl and knows Mirai isn’t in the wrong. It was she who wanted to prove herself, after all. She was just too blinded by her hopes to think about the consequences.

And so she revealed to Mirai that she’s actually a remedial student.

Like, Riko’s quite upset about the circumstances as it is but she still has it in her to be decent and honest with Mirai on her reasons for going to the Mundane World. It’s the least she could do for getting Mirai involved in magical affairs and taking her all the way here.

The search for the Emerald, suddenly becoming Precure, all these things were to show everyone that she can use magic effectively.

Riko’s pretty much reiterating what I said earlier in the post but I don’t think she really understood the full extent of it. At least, not yet.

She still wants the Emerald, of course, because her wish to be a great witch hasn’t changed.

She just realizes that yea, she broke the rules and no Emerald is going to excuse her out of the scolding she’s in for.

Then Mofurun decides to rolypoly on over to poor, depressed Riko and goes “SO WHAT? LOOK AT ME, I’M ADORABLE!!”

lol, j/k, j/k, she really said “I smell something sweet!” which was followed be this...

Riko and Mirai’s Diamond pendants glowing~

...honestly, they should’ve just let Mofurun do the explaining to the Deputy Head cuz it seems that every time Mofurun is within range of a Linkle Stone and announces its presence (“A sweet smell!”), they automatically start shining and voila~, the legend is real!

Ah, but really, Mofurun seems to be telling the girls to not sweat the small stuff.

Why? Cuz...

DESTINY!!!

......lol, yea, Mofurun knows Mirai and Riko are in for something greater than this little snag in the road and just wants to let them know to cheer them up.

And hey, she’s right. :)

It got Mirai motivated, at least, to go and explain things to the Headmaster herself. Maybe if a Muggle can prove she performed magic as Precure, they’d let Miko off the hook because then they’d realize she was telling the truth.

Again, Riko is surprised by the lengths Mirai’s willing to go for her. They can’t really be called strangers anymore after all that’s happened but they haven’t known each other long enough (it hasn’t even been 24 hrs yet!) that they can call each other friends yet either.

So why Mirai’s doing this, when there aren’t a lot benefits for her, simply baffles Riko.

*whispers* That’s what a best friend is, Riko-chan~

Meanwhile, Mirai, of course, doesn’t know her way around the school, much less who the Headmaster is or what he looks like, but that’s okay because she’s sooooo cute! x3

And maybe it’s a good thing this happened during spring break? Otherwise, she’d be catching the attention of the other students and faculty and she’d have a hard time getting to where she needed to go.

Like this when a breeze just drifted through the air and she suddenly got a feeling that she’s gotta go THAT way.

Humuhumu...yea, I don’t think it’s just the Precure powers that’s at work here. Mirai does have innate magical abilities of her own.

I’ve got a theory on that based on some MahoPre trivia I read, about the scratched concept of her having magical ancestors, but I’ll save that for another time.

Right, where were we? Oh, yes, the wind led her to a tree.

It looks like any ordinary tree but by judging by the way Mirai gazes up at it, something tells her it’s really more than that.

See? That’s her intuition. The magical side of it, anyways.

And whaddaya know, the wind led her to the person she wanted to find, too!

‘Course she doesn’t think he’s the Headmaster at first glance and who can blame her when he’s wearing a face that young.

But she’s not even thinking about the Headmaster at that point because did he just say wands? He said wands, right?

Yep, she’s got her priorities sorted out, haha~

Back in the classroom, Riko’s lost in her thoughts and can’t really forget how Mirai’s been nothing but friendly to her since the moment they met.

So even though Riko finds this devotion weird, she still can’t help but worry about her and decides it’s not good to just let Mirai wander off by herself when she doesn’t even know her way around.

Kyuuu~, I love it when Riko shows her soft side, especially when it’s about Mirai. She’s always like “まったく ...” in an exasperated way but gives in because she knows she can’t win against Mirai’s niceness and that just brings out her own niceness, d’aww~ <3

Now back to Mirai where she’s getting quite a fascinating lesson about wands. How every time someone is born in the Magic World, a Wand Tree immediately grows one out to give to that baby, how that’s the wand they use for life, etc.

That’s such a cool birth certificate! Can I trade mine in for a wand of my own?!

xD;

I’d hold that thought, Gramps.

A Muggle isn’t just drawn to a specific Wand Tree for no reason.

Maybe the reason why it hasn’t generated any new wand for ages is because it was waiting for someone like Mirai, a resident of the other world, to show up.

But as expected of the Headmaster, he could immediately tell Mirai’s not from their world and asks what she’s doing here.

Mirai tells him she needs to find the Headmaster and the way she holds Mofurun tighter to her (KYAAAAA~!!!) when the subject turns over to Riko says a lot about how she can’t let Riko’s life get ruined just because she broke a few rules.

Not when Riko saved what was most important to her. To the world, it might have been nothing but a small gesture of kindness but that same gesture is what meant the world to Mirai.

That’s why she has to return the favor to Riko. Riko helped her and now it’s her turn and that means...

PAUSE.

Please take a moment to squee at rolypoly Mofurun part 2 first.

........

We good? Okay, back to regular programming...

DEUS EX MACH-I’M KIDDING~

These are Wand Trees so I’m sure they’re sentient and can sense the sincerity in Mirai’s words along with her magic potential.

For that...

She gets her very own wand!

*gasp* And oh my, what a pretty wand it is! It suits my baby very well!

I am very pleased! 8D

Not only is Mirai sincere, she’s well-mannered as well.

And Mofurun, too. What good children they are. :D

The magic tree just granted her something meant to conjure magic with.

What do you think she’s going to do with it if not that? Use it as a back scratcher?!

That aside, I forgot about this. So it was the supernatural forces that dictated Mirai should be allowed into the magic realm and not because of the Headmaster’s decision.

I like that.

Then Batty shows up and starts destroying everything in search for them and Mirai immediately leaves to go find Riko.

I’m not sure if it’s because she knows she needs to be with Riko in order to transform into Precure or if she’s simply worried about Riko or both or what. But Mirai doesn’t even think twice about the dangers of facing Batty alone when a person she cares about is somewhere in the crossfire.

And it’s so clear that Mirai cares about the world Riko comes from. Not just because it’s Riko’s school and home but also because she has great respect for magic users in general.

She’s dreamed of meeting them for a long time and though they’re hesitant to welcome her because she’s a normal human (aka not like them), that doesn’t stop her from doing what’s right. When Batty tries to order her around, she defiantly (and G-ratedly) flips him off for all the havoc he’s making.

Yep, she’s not afraid of the bad guys, my brave little girl~ <3

Riko’s timing and aim are impeccable as always, lol

She’s almost like a human missile! xD;

That’s right you did, Riko! And you did a splendid job, bravo! *clapclapclap*

Mirai’s just relieved that Riko’s unharmed.

I mean, if Riko’s still giving tsundere service, then she’s definitely alright, ahahaha~

See?

Riko can’t win against Mirai when she smiles at her like that~

Blushy Riko is so...too...adorable for words! x3

Then they hold hands and yea, you know what happens afterwards.

Frankly, the fight in this ep wasn’t any better or different than the first one and only a few short moments are worth mentioning.

Like Miracle trying her best to not let any more damage come to the school and crashing to the ground because of it.

Even though things will go back to normal, with no signs of a battle ever happening there, after they get rid of the Yokubaru and all (but then again, they didn’t know that...did they??)

She’s too nice, jeez...

Magical checking if her partner is okay and Miracle brushing it off like “Whoopsie!”

And Magical getting irritated again but whup, no time for that, gotta protect Miracle!

Haha~!! xDD

Anyways, the biggest moment that needs to be discussed is this one when Magical’s almost doubting whether saving the school’s worth it since she’s in for expulsion anyway because she disobeyed the Deputy Headmistress.

Hmmm, I’m not criticizing her or calling her self-centered or anything. It’s just that it’s obvious Riko has weighed herself down with too many negative thoughts that it’s hard for her to see there’s still something she can do.

She’s Precure now so regardless of whether she gets expelled or not, she’s one of the only people there who can stand up to that monster.

And like Miracle said, nothing has been decided yet. They can still persuade the Headmaster to let Riko stay at school.

If they don’t at least try, then it’s guaranteed they’ll only get nothing out of it.

And that’s hardly the ending anyone wants, right?

Whatever the outcome may be, Mirai’s determined to do her best for Riko. If it’s too much for Riko to bear alone, Mirai will be there to support her.

Riko calls Mirai a busybody for this but you can tell by her expression that she’s really grateful Mirai talked her out of giving up.

Even Mofurun’s happy, perched up on high~

Then they get their Linkle Sticks and perform Diamond Eternal for the first time and blow the monster away, yay, all’s well that ends well.

Well, almost.

Thankfully, the Headmaster witnessed everything that transpired, sparing them from any need to explain.

And not only does Riko get to stay at school (whoohoo~!) but now Mirai will be attending classes with her as well!

I guess there are endings where all’s well that ends better, after all, huh? Hehehe~

And that’s all for this week. Will try to get ep 3 by next Sunday. Bye for now~

#mahou tsukai precure #asahina mirai #izayoi riko #mofurun #cure miracle #cure magical

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phoenotopia · 5 years

Text

2019 December Update

The game is officially playable from beginning to end!

That battle has concluded...

Soon begins the war! But first, a brief reprieve for the holidays.

And I must throw in the usual caveats. We're still playtesting, we're still polishing, we still gotta get age ratings, more red tape, etc etc. And most importantly, we need to figure out the launch strategy. Think Megaman, charging his shot for 5 and a half years... We're not allowed to miss at this point. It has to HIT.

Luckily, we're in a relatively stable position where we don't have to rush the game out immediately. It's not LAUNCH or STARVE - it's... take some time to aim a little. We don't want to launch in the shadow of a bigger behemoth game, and we don't want to launch completely unknown either. We have to build up the game's media presence, which has been neglected so far. I know it's annoying to have to continue to wait... but please bear with us a little longer!

Here's what we've been doing for the past couple months.

---------- THE SCRIPT ----------

The script sits at over 80,000 words. I didn't realize the significance until a teammate told me that that's actually as long as a novel! I looked it up, and sure enough, it's a little longer than the first Harry Potter. But unlike Harry Potter, hardly any of these words are wasted on, pffft, narration. It's all juicy dialogue!

(Some of the game's golden nuggets of dialogue)

There was actually a lot of mundanity getting to the end. Pirate, acting as my editor, caught tons of errors and inconsistencies. One of the most recurring issues had to do with capitalization. I like to capitalize things, often inconsistently. Some common questions that arose:

Why is this text highlighted yellow, and this one highlighted blue?

Why is this monster name capitalized, but this monster not?

Why is this item capitalized, and this one not?

... and so on!

All very mundane issues, but all very necessary to tackle. And there was a TON of 'em. (em vs 'em was another thing we had to make consistent). I actually did some research to see what capitalization rules Zelda had. From what I could tell, when it comes to animals and monsters in the Zelda universe:

All monsters are capitalized

All regular animals are not capitalized

The Cuccos are special, and ARE capitalized

(a collage of Zelda pictures I assembled to study)

In the Zelda universe, all regular items are lowercase, but highlighted blue when mentioned in a quest context (e.g. "butter", "hylian wheat"). Items can be uppercase, if they are special named items (e.g. "Sheikah Slate"). We adopted similar rules as Zelda in some cases, and deviated in others. For instance, in the Phoenotopia universe, there isn't a clear distinction between animals and monsters - that fish monster is really just an animal that happens to be the alpha predator in its natural habitat. So most entities are lowercase, but "big deal" entities can be uppercase.

(we made a formal document to consult whenever a question regarding capitalization arises)

---------- A SAMPLING of QUEST AND CHARACTERS ----------

A lot of new quests have arisen in our great writing effort extending over the past several months. And with it, new characters, big and small. I'll tease a sampling of some of them here (warning: some light spoilers ahead):

My favorite new quest is undoubtedly our game's new "Trading Quest". This one takes inspiration from the Zelda series - the trading quest similarly has you roaming the world and its towns in search of needy people who desire a particular item. Deliver them the item they desire, and get a new item. Do this 10 times, and the ultimate weapon awaits you at the end.

I tried some things to vary up the formula. Some NPCs don't reveal what they need right away - steps have to be taken to get them there. It's also possible to go down the wrong route in the sequence, and have to double-back. We try to keep it interesting.

---------- LOOT PLACEMENTS & GAME BALANCING ----------

A great effort was also spent towards balancing the game this past 2 months. Because even one good healing item, easily obtained, can throw the game's whole difficulty off-kilter. And this same principle applies to other areas, like the money economy and player powerup options. Altogether, they form a very delicate ecosystem for enjoyment.

One of the recent things I did for this game was put down exactly where each heart ruby, energy gem, and moonstone could be found. And this was actually a rather involved process because you have a limited number of rewards to distribute (you wouldn't want the final max HP count to be a weird number like 297). Put too many rewards in the beginning, and the late dungeons would have no rewards to offer. Put too much in the end, and the inverse happens.

I found myself going back into earlier areas and plundering their rewards to fill the later areas. And then to ensure a relatively even spread of rewards within each area themselves, I drew crude maps of the dungeons & their reward spots, so that they could be studied from a bird's eye perspective.

But it was still not enough. With NPC quests and towns also taking up their own allotment of the rewards, I found myself running low on things to distribute. So I went back to the books and upped the number of rewards across the board. Before there were 44 Heart Rubies to collect - there are now 55. Before each Heart Ruby boosted your max HP by 5, but now each one now boosts your max HP by 4, so your final max HP count would still end up the same. It's kinda similar to what happened with Twilight Princess, where they broke with tradition and made 5 heart containers required to gain a new heart instead of the usual 4. Overall, the final tally for treasure to find is:

55 heart pieces

30 energy gems

108 moon stones

Who's crazy enough to collect them all?

---------- BADGES / ACHIEVEMENTS ----------

As one of the game's finishing touches, there's a menu for BADGES - they're this game's version of achievements. This is an ongoing task that we hope to stamp out this December. A few favorites of mine from the original flash game will return ("Pillow Connoisseur" is among them).

(The menu looks like this before any badges are earned)

I allocated slots for just 33 badges, so we're selecting the badges very carefully. We got rid of most of the fluffy ones that appeared in the flash game - we wanted to reduce the number of badges that you would earn automatically for just playing the game (so no more "1st boss", "2nd boss", "3rd boss" achievements). We're aiming for a healthy mix of easily earned badges, hard earned badges, collectathon badges, secret fun badges, and so on.

The badges have another twist - they bear miniaturized portraits of characters from the game! In the initial brainstorm mockup phase, I wasn't really fond of the badge designs. You got a medal of a heart because you collected some hearts, and you got the medal of a moonstone for collecting moonstones, etc. It just seemed so... expected.

(various badge mockups)

How could we engage the players on a more fun and deep level? The idea came - what if we attached pictures of the people you meet on your journey? And these people's stories and character would have a connection with the achievement? That could keep the player guessing which character would come attached with an achievement, or even reveal a hidden detail about the character you didn't know.

---------- MUSIC ----------

Will has just one more task to do. And that's to recut the song for the trailer. One of our other goals for this December is to make a really good trailer... again. There's actually 2 other trailers we cut and never made public for reasons. Maybe I'll talk about them one day in the post-mortem.

Since this may be the last conventional update, we wondered with which song to best leave the audience. And we decided that the most suitable song is "Sanctuary". It's a song that the player will often encounter often when they happen upon a quiet resting place in the world.

There's a little story behind this song. Two and a half years ago, I linked Will the Earthbound song, "Buzz buzz's prophecy", and told him, make a song like that!

In response, Will made "Sanctuary".

Give it a listen HERE. What do you think? Did Will hit close to the greats?

---------- FAN ART ----------

Three fan arts have come in the last couple months. I display them here proudly:

Another submission by Cody G! Gale looking shy as she flashes the V sign for the camera. I like how Cody G's art is continually evolving. Note the additional detail on her eye, and how her hair is drawn extra fluffy. Very nice!

Shafiyahh is another consistent contributor, and made one in the spirit of Halloween. I really like their costumes! Gale as an angel, and Lisa as a demon, fittingly captures their relationship, since Gale is the responsible one and Lisa is the troublemaker. So cute!

A contribution from a new artist, Negativus Core! Wow, Gale looks so bada-- here! We often forget about Gale's tough side due to the cutesy graphics. This is probably how her enemies see her. And the gummy (slime) is a cute touch!

---------- FINAL NOTES ----------

Similar to last year, this will be the last update for a while. If things run too slow, I'll post a status update come end of February 2020.

It's possible, and this is a BIG IF, that something notable happens sooner than expected - like we're going to a con or we have reason to drop the trailer sooner than later. If so, this blog will update earlier than expected. BIG IF. Otherwise, it's end of February till next you hear of us.

The game's development has reached a new uncharted territory. We're going to take the time and figure out exactly what our next steps are. In addition, we'll still be doing some playtesting and script polishing. And we'll be taking a break too. It is the holiday season, things move kind of slow around this time of year. We'll enjoy the company of our family and friends.

Until then, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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wolffyluna · 5 years

Text

TMA Liveblog: Up To Ep 40

I’ve finished season 1! And can I just say: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(Edit: I meant to post this yesterday, but apparently this got stuck in my drafts. It’s been freed now, hopefully.)

I’m in an awkward position with this liveblog. You see, I like to write up my thoughts about a few episodes at a time, not one by one. So I had some thoughts and theories relating to Taken Ill and Lost and Found-- that got more or less confirmed by Human Remains. So I don’t get to sound as smart and with it any more. (Also, there’s been so much in these episodes that I might be forgetting to say something.)

The thing that got confirmed by Human Remains was the question of how the Masquerade works in this setting. ...which is actually two questions, really. One: Is the masquerade supernaturally or mundanely enforced or both? That is, is the masquerade enforced by people being supernaturally bad at noticing the supernatural (a lá Changeling the Lost) or by mundane means of tampering with files and shutting up witnesses (a lá Vampire the Masquerade, though there is some supernatural enforcement there too.) Two: How harshly is the Masquerade enforced? Are people who find out about the Masquerade told ‘please don’t spread it, okay?’, or do people get “shut up.”

By Taken Ill, I was pretty sure the Masquerade was at least partially mundanely enforced. Losing ~20 people ‘in the system’ is pretty fucked up, to the point where hiding their deaths is almost less malicious? And if you wanted to cover up a horrific outbreak at a care home-- making the paperwork look like it was decommissioned earlier is not a bad way to do it. (As would be any living casualties having ‘work place accidents’). I wasn’t so sure about how strongly it was enforced, but their definitely seemed to be at least blackmail (for ex in Old Passages)

...and then we found poor old Gertrude. And well. That answers both questions.

(Also, Gertrude might have been working with the Lightless Flame? Or having someone else work it on her? One of the two? Argh?)

I’m worried about real!Sasha. I hope she’s... okay. Going to be okay. Going to be okay as she can be.

I also have precisely zero clue what was going on in Sasha and Elias’ end of the Institute. See, Jon and Martin seem like pretty reliable witnesses. They have no reason to lie. Tim was off his face-- but again, no reason to lie. Elias is evasive and I do not trust him not to lie. And Fake!Sasha is obviously a lying liar who lies? So I have no fucking clue what was going on there, because all the narrators are unreliable and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghh.

(Also can I say I do not trust Elias? He keeps trying to avoid finding or proving the supernatural in a way that is fucking weird.)

Also, uhm, I’m worried about Jon and Tim. ...not just mentally speaking (though I am super worried about that too), but physically speaking? If I have understood the chain of events right, Jon and Tim opened a trapdoor, had a bunch of worms fall on their heads, and then got CO2-ed to heck and back? Like, I’m pretty sure that much CO2 would fuck you up for awhile on it’s own-- but the quarantine was only ~24 hours, which seems alarmingly short? And pretty darn short for the medical treatment they probably need. Like, they had worms burrowing in their flesh? That would be a lot of open wounds, and fairly deep ones too. Do Jon and Tim have enough blood in them? How are their wounds being kept clean? How much antibiotics are they on, and is it enough? Also, what sort of quarantine is only 24 hours, jeegus.

I’m also worried about everyone’s mental states, too. It’s interesting, because we keep seeing people have obsessive, paranoid, unhealthy ways of dealing with fear/danger-- that work because of the danger they are in. Jon’s ‘I have to know EVERYTHING’ may not be working out for him so hot, but it’s not going badly, and Martin hiding fire extinguishers everywhere and the corkscrew actually saved multiple people. But it’s still hurting them, it’s just stopping them from being dead. (Tim’s bizarre chipperness probably also counts as this too, but I can’t put as firm a finger on it.)

I made a comment a little while ago about how I’d avoided The Magnus Archives, because I thought it had a lot of blood and screaming in it, and I don’t do well with those, but it turns out it’s a much more quiet form of horror, and that’s fine with me-- yeah. Was Infestation arguably ‘worth it’? I’d say so. But goddamn. Jeez. No. All you need is fire and it’d be the full Wolffy Nope Trifecta (and I’m going to count the fire alarm for a good portion of the fire nope, because seriously.)

...but honestly “I feel like I’m being watched” was scarier.

Because it is traditional, it is time for some rampant tinfoil hattery: I think Michael Knifehands and the fractal weird shit are connected. Michael Knifehands sounds alarmingly like the person who replaced Graeme, except for being too tall. The thing that came out of the Ming vase is maybe less clearly Michael like, but it’s still a distinct possibility. And on a more tinfoil level: the statements with fractals seem to be the statements were fear of insanity, the fear of ‘reality is falling apart, and I don’t know if it’s just for me or if it’s for everybody, and both are terrifying’ seem to show up in fractal statements (eg Ivo Lensik’s father and Ming vase guy.) If I recall the spoilers I failed to dodge correctly, Michael has something to do with insanity. And on an even more tinfoil hat level: Fake!Sasha seems to only know about Sasha through observation. They kinda skip over details and are vague in odd places that imply it, anyway. Fake!Sasha is hella associated with the fractal table. ...and Fake!Sasha knows who Michael is, which implies either they’ve been watching Sasha for a long time, or they know Michael independently.

Also: Spiders and worms are not only separate things, but they are antagonistic towards each other. A spider is why the Archive team found the worms early than the worms planned.

Is Mikhaele a Michael? Because if there are two Michaels and a Mikhaele: what the heck, real Jon?

Also, I’m really confused by the statements not!Sasha(?) decided to steal. Stealing original!Sasha’s statement makes sense: it contains important information, and it could potentially be used to prove fake!Sasha is fake. But I’m a bit boggled by the calliope organ one being stolen, because it implies it’s important... and really, the calliope one? That’s an important one? Really? ...I’ll admit, part of my bafflement is because I found that episode negative levels of scary, because the morning before I listened to it, I encountered this:

youtube

Which kind of undercut the episode a touch. Just a tad.

And finally, I’m kicking myself a bit. You see, through the first season, I was playing a fun game called “Real Or Not?”, where I tried to guess which episodes contained real events, because maybe some where fake. ...and apparently all or most of the episodes are real. (Or, in universe real. You know what I mean.) We only heard the real ones! Which makes sense from a story telling perspective, but now it means I have to treat all of them as real. I can’t selectively ignore any of them any more. My theories have to be wholly consistent now. Damn!

#premium original content #wolffy listens to tma #the magnus archives

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maxilsmaster · 4 years

Text

writer ask meme

https://ciiardha-blog.tumblr.com/post/158543702841/writer-ask-meme

1. Tell us about your WIP! right now, i’m working on a fic with classicfresh, scifell, errink, dustberry, horrorlust, afterdeath and killercreammare. basically, dream invited everyone on a picnic but it went horribly wrong and everyone started arguing.

2. Where is your favorite place to write? i mostly write stuff out on google docs then post to ao3, but sometimes i just skip to ao3

3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing? favorite: i don’t necessarily have to share my work. least favorite: describing things.

4. Do you have any writing habits/rituals? lots of dialogue, start with a line of dialogue.

5. Top five formative books? haha what

6. Favorite character you’ve written? probably error or ink. maybe my own sans, illusion.

7. Favorite/most inspirational book? i like the sight (warriors arc 3 book 1) and curiosity killed the error (by the lovely @shandycandy278).

8. Do you have any writing buddies or critique partners? i recently gained a position beta-reading for @jasmynation‘s undermaze fic. also my friend CosmoCat07 on ao3

9. Favorite/least favorite tropes? i have no idea.

10. Pick an author (or writing friend) to co-write a book with CosmoCat07

11. What are you planning to work on next? dying inside slowly

12. Which story of yours do you like best? why? New Beginnings, the thing I’m writing with CosmoCat07.

13. Describe your writing process oh hey this would be funny *types ideas on notepad on chromebook* *writes it out on google docs*

14. What does it take for you to be ready to write a book? (i.e. do you research? outline? make a playlist or pinterest board? wing it?) type a vague idea, and wing it from there

15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing? bottle it up internally :D

16. Cover love/dream covers? i don’t like covers.

17. What things (scenes/topics/character types) are you most comfortable writing? not sex.

18. Tell us about that one book you’ll never let anyone read my first warriors fanfic. 30 chapters of me not fully understanding warriors. (un)fortunately, it got deleted when my old laptop broke.

19. How do you cope with writer’s block? write more

20. Any advice for young writers/advice you wish someone would have given you early on? don’t doubt yourself.

21. What aspect of your writing are you most proud of? the grammar, definitely. i’m not giving a shit about it here, but i’m good at grammar. no grammarly stop giving me your ads, i can write just fine on my own.

22. Tell us about the books on your “to write” list 50 one-shots then 70+ more.

23. Most anticipated upcoming books? the next warriors books

24. Do you remember the moment you decided to become a writer/author? no

25. What’s your worldbuilding process like? what worldbuilding process?

26. What’s the most research you’ve ever put into a book? very. very. VERY. little.

27. Every writer’s least favorite question - where does your inspiration come from? Do you do certain things to make yourself more inspired? Is it easy for you to come up with story ideas? inspiration? fanfiction. it’s pretty easy.

28. How do you stay focused on your own work and how do you deal with comparison? i don’t compare and i don’t get comparison. i’m not that popular.

29. Is writing more of a hobby or do you write with the intention of getting published? hobby

30. Do you like to read books similar to your project while you’re drafting or do you stick to non-fiction/un-similar works? all i read is fanfiction all i read is undertale fanfiction all i write is basically undertale fanfiction

31. Top five favorite books in your genre? genre: fanfiction. ckte, um ckte, undermaze, our tangled web, and uh ckte. i like ckte.

32. On average how much do you write in a day? do you have trouble staying focused/getting the word count in? i have trouble writing over 1000 words at once, but i try. i also write a lot. it’s been occupying most of my time lately.

33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like? oh, i messed up this word. edit. oh, this sentence would fit here... add sentence. oh my god this whole story sucks burn it in hell.

34. Unpopular writing thoughts/opinions? idk.

35. Post the last sentence you wrote from prompt 49. dear god. at least i’m done prompt 5...

“S’ why m’ not gettin’ ya somethin’ greasy,” Red answered, pulling open the door to Grillby’s.

36. Post a snippet SPOILERS FOR PROMPT 33 OF MY THING

Cross stepped between the two. “Alright, who wants to play hide and seek?”

“OOH! ME!” Blue cheered, wiggling around in the strings.

Horror raised the hand his axe was in, and Killer raised a hand as he stood up to retrieve his knife from the wall it had been stuck in from when he threw it. Meanwhile, Dust and Error let out a groan.

“Alright, majority rules, we’re doing hide and seek!”

“Yay!” Horror, Blue and Killer said, all in different tones.

“And Error, no cheating this time,” Cross ordered. “You know what, you can seek.”

“Fuck you,” Error spat as he dropped Blue from the strings. Killer caught Blue dramatically. “That was gay.”

“Then it’s a good thing we’re already dating,” Killer refuted, dipping Blue and kissing him.

“EIGHT! NINE! TEN!” Error yelled, turning around and subsequently causing everyone to jump.

They then proceeded to run out of the room.

37. Do you ever write long handed or do you prefer to type everything? type. i can’t write with a pencil for shit.

38. How do you nail voice in your books? i don’t XD

39. Do you spend a lot of time analyzing and studying the work of authors you admire? idk, really

40. Do you look up to any of your writer buddies? shandy

41. Are there any books you feel have shaped you as a writer? what?

42. How many drafts do you usually write before you feel satisfied? one, then edit.

43. How do you deal with rejection? haven’t had to yet.

44. Why (and when) did you decide to become a writer? late grade 7, i guess. that was when i first started getting into warriors.

45. First or third person? third

46. Past or present tense? past, definitely

47. Single or dual/multi POV? i’m cool with either

48. Do you prefer to write skimpy drafts and flesh them out later, or write too much and cut it back? write everything in one go (spread out over multiple days, normally), then add/remove a few details

49. Favorite fictional world? right now utmv but i also like warriors

50. Do you share your rough drafts or do you wait until everything is all polished? i edit before i post, but i post individual chapters

51. Are you a secretive writer or do you talk with your friends about your books? mostly talk about it amongst the fandom

52. Who do you write for? myself, mostly.

53. What is the first line of your WIP? my current one, where i’m writing seven different ships in a one-shot?

This picnic was a terrible idea. Everyone was arguing over something so pointless and mundane that it may as well not even have started.

54. Favorite first line/opening you’ve written? not the one above

55. How do you manage your time/make time for writing? (do you set aside time to write every day or do you only write when you have a lot of free time?) i just write constantly

#spoilers for my one-shots #55 questions

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