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mymemoirs · 3 years

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Unrecorded Memories and Missing Taiwan #6

Yay, the last two weeks of my summer program experience! I’m glad that this series is going to be over soon. The last two weeks of my summer program, I remembered being too comfortable that I let myself feel all kinds of feelings: embarrassed, awkward, angry, etc. This is so different than when I’m in my first two weeks where I mostly confined myself in my dorm room and have little exchange with others except my group mates and a few classmates. So, the last two weeks was like a roller coaster of feelings but in a good way. In spite of the negative feelings I felt at those moment, I can still view them as a life enriching experience and see it in a good light.

24) Creativity and Entrepreneurship program is the most laid-back class I have ever taken. I can’t quite remember the details of what I’ve learnt from the class, I vaguely remembered that we’re being taught about introduction to Bitcoin (yeah, and that’s also the first time I heard about bitcoin) and business model. I still kept some of the teaching materials that our professors sent to us and realized that most of the materials he sent to us weren’t related to our program, it was just a bunch of journals or articles that he worked on. So, I guess I can’t reviewed what he had taught us before. Oh, well.

What I clearly remembered during the class is how bored and unfocused I am. Having to go through from a very serious and fast paced class in AI to a more relaxing and slow paced class like Creativity and Entrepreneurship, my mind easily gets bored. I wasn’t the only one to feel that way too, sometimes I observe my classmates’ face and could sense that some of them were bored too. I think it’s normal to be bored during class, even back in my country, there were instances that I even fell asleep during class (please don’t do this!).

One of the drawings I drew when I’m bored in class. Aside from drawing, I actually read comics too and was found out by my lecturer. Welp! Such an embarrassing moment!

To be honest, being in this program, I can’t guess what we will learn the next day. I also can’t guess what our activity would be if our professor didn’t tell us beforehand. Most of our class consists of team building activities like games that were arranged by the teaching assistants. We enjoyed playing inside the classroom and it’s also a good way for us to bond. We also have a lot of group discussions and presentations. The professor even let us have a day off in order for us to survey and make a video for our presentation.

I personally think this is an ideal program if you only aim for the ‘fun’ summer program. Well most of the programs were fun, like the ones taken by my roommates which is about “Community Care Practice in Taiwan” (if I’m not wrong). I heard they went to a lot of excursions and they also have fun activities in the class too.

25) The second day of the class, the professor told us that the next day we would be going for an excursion. So, before the field trip, he told us to fill some forms which actually is an aptitude test for a job assessment. He told us something along the line of “knowing thyself” and letting us get this facilities while in his class. Well, to be honest, I’m excited and I’ve always enjoyed this kind of activities: getting a personality test and reading the results.

After filling the questionnaires, we hand it in. Since it’s just an aptitude test, we could actually get the results pretty fast. However, considering they have to processed the questionnaires from all of the participants in our class, it would take a day or two.

Now, the day we’re waiting for: the field trip~!

I actually had to search it up in the internet because the place won’t come up when I type it in. Turns out the name of the place were too common and they had a lot of branch so I had to find the specific one where we went on our field trip. For our first field trip, we went to a job center that have a makerspace. It’s usually a space for people to learn and create things, usually those who came there are taught about tech stuff. The makerspace is located in Nantou District. To be exact, I think the address is No. 8, Sanhe 1st Road, Nantou City. Well, I’m not too sure about it, but as far as I remembered that’s the building I went in with my classmates.

Once we arrived there, we were handed our aptitude results and a career coach explained to us the meaning of our results. She was speaking in Chinese, so there was a translator beside her. Fortunately, since I understand a little bit of Chinese, I can keep up with her explanation without waiting for it to be translated.

She then proceeded to explain that in life there were occupation categories, such as: artistic, social/ volunteering, professionals. Unfortunately, that’s the only thing I remembered so I think I subconsciously wanted those types of occupation in my life. She also explained that as we live a different phase of our life, we might shift our activities to that of artistic, social, or even professionals. For example, on our 20s - 30s we would like to spend our time as professionals. After that, 40s - 50s in artistic or even social, and so on. I think this is a very interesting concept that stuck with me ever since. I would really like to apply it on my own life. Too bad, I didn’t jot down the details back then. If I had, I would be able to explain it in great detail.

One of the Arduino/ Microcontroller projects in the makerspace. This project is an automatic watering system for plants. Okay, just take your time to think about this. There’s definitely a sensor that sense the humidity of the soil, but how the water travels from that pipe still baffles me.

After the presentation, we were given an ample time to explore the maker space and also ate our lunch. We provided our own lunch by buying in the nearest convenience store though. Looking around, it was actually very fun. I see quite interesting Arduino projects and they also have interesting woodwork for it. I guess Arduino and woods are interesting, should put that as one of my prospective projects. There’s also a 3D printing projects laying around in the makerspace.

26) The next activities that the career coach prepared for us is a team building activity. Since I’m always with my previous classmates from AI and most of our classmates are close to one another, our groups were instantly formed. Over the course of the game sessions, I don’t know what’s got into me, I became very competitive at that time. There weren’t even a prize for those who win as far as I remembered, but I think the point system were making me ambitious. I mean, it’s not really the first time I got too competitive, however my competitiveness kind of clouded my emotional thinking and I was a bit too harsh to my teammates.

The games that we played were mostly games that involves problem solving. Each team were first given a wood puzzle that requires us to separate blocks of wood without breaking it. That piques my interest and I was so into it. Our team weren’t the first one to solve it, but since I knew the direction the game is heading involves thinking, I was really riled up for the next game. So, every time the career coach asked each team’s opinions, I was always the first one in my team to speak. Well, part of the reason was because I’m used to standing in for my teammates and they’re not confident with their English skills yet compared to me. But I later realized that was very selfish of me.

There were also games that involves teamwork and communication which the career coach named “Noah’s Ark” (actually that’s the name of the board game). Basically we were told to balance animals figures on a board which looks like a seesaw and we must make sure not to let the board touch the surface of the table. The team that had more animals figures on the board wins. Every team had so much fun in the game, there were even a team that sings “Happy Birthday” after they messed up.

When it’s our team’s turn, I was really stressed out. We should have take turns putting the figures on the board, but a teammate of mine was really excited that he was technically dominating it. I kept on telling them to take it slow and take turns but I guess everyone were focused on it. Also being the only one who didn’t speak Thai at all in the group was making it worst, since my teammates suddenly spoke in Thai the moment the game started. I guess they were excited. Some Indonesian classmates who were observing us playing suddenly said, “Semangat” to me which technically means “Hwaiting”/ “Fighting” in Korean (I didn’t know a word that suits this in English context). I could only sighed at that, because I think they knew that I was struggling in that particular game since I didn’t understand what my teammates are talking about. Of course, we ended up losing way faster than the others and the animals figures we had were the least. I was kind of irritated by that so when the career coach asked us what we’ve learnt from the game, I told annoyingly while looking at my teammates that “communication is important”. Yeah, I was kinda harsh at that time.

27) At the end of our sessions, the career coach suddenly said that she’s actually been observing us the whole time and would like to share her observations. She mentioned teams and individuals that caught her attention. I wasn’t really expecting that she would mentioned me too, and she referred to me twice during her conclusion. I can’t remember the exact details but she had been observing us before we played the games. That’s why she told me that I was actually the first person to take the initiative to help the staff in moving the tables and chairs when we were going to play the games. I actually didn’t realized it but it’s good to have someone acknowledging it. I think my habit of tidying up the chairs back when I’m in a temple became something worth observing? *laughs*

At one point, she started to describe me. I think I’m such an open book, huh? I can’t remembered what she said, but it was like she’s literally praising me. Ah, if only I can remember, I was really flattered but embarrassed at the same time. The reason I’m embarrassed wasn’t even because of the praising but because of what she said after that. I guess that’s what stuck to me. My mind was interpreting it as her way of telling me that I’m wrong but subtly.

She said while patting my shoulder, “You were always the one who took the initiative and lead your teammates. Every time you would represent your team. It must be tiring for you, yeah?”

Ah, the power of communication. Sometimes what you said can be interpreted in so many ways. I interpreted it as a criticism, I felt I was being selfish for not letting my teammates have a chance to speak. I felt I was hindering their development because if you don’t push yourself then you won’t be good at it. So after the career coach left our table, I immediately apologized to my teammates. They in return apologized back to me because they knew I felt left out at times. I really regretted it for letting my competitiveness get the better of me.

28) Before going back, our class were offered a chance to use 3D printer pen. It’s really interesting how you can squeeze the polymer by using a wireless 3D printer pen. I’m not really good at using it though and I didn’t managed to make anything that’s worth taking back home. Some on the other hand were able to produce their own souvenir. Oh well, too bad.

Wireless 3D Printer Pen

29) And on our way home from the excursions, I was sitting alone by the bus window. I was really drained out interacting with people from my class and that day I don’t really feel good either. It was at this moment, a Thai friend of mine, Phoom, who’s also my group mate sat beside me. He suddenly struck a conversation with me and taught me some Thai words out of the blue.

I really appreciate his effort to make me feel better and I think I can say we end the day in a good term. Especially, as an avid language learner, I tried jotting down words he taught me. It was really fun and I think starting from that day, my Thai friend kept teaching me how to speak Thai with them. Although, I kinda forgot it now and I’m not really that fluent either. Anyway, I really appreciate those kind of people in my life. While it’s short, it’s really worthwhile to know them.

-Reina

PS. Okay, I know this post might be very wordy and the pictures aren’t really interesting. But I think, it’s one of my memorable moments during my Creativity and Entrepreneurship class.

#Taiwan #Asia University #summer exchange #Creativity and Entrepreneurship Class #Taichung #makerspace

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secret-engima · 5 years

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Hey! Can I ask how you plan out your stories??? And how you make notes/future plans for them? (Even if they get discarded) like what style/format?? HOW do you Plan A Story.

*stares off into space*

Okay first, bold of you to assume I PLAN anything. Second, I’m not 100% sure I understand this question but I’ll try my best. Third-

It’s all very disjointed? I tend to have an overarching idea tacked together with a few VERY SPECIFIC SCENES that I never know whether or not they’ll survive the writing process, which is why I almost never write out of order. When writing a chapter, if I have to stop before I finish (which is a lot of the time) I’ll hit the enter key a few times, slap on a “(” to indicate that the next stuff is outside story flow and then jot down a few ideas on where I wanted to go so I don’t get stuck when I come back. This can be as short and vague as, for made-up example: (angst abounds, Noct takes the hit and Ignis goes feral, Prompto and Gladio panic) to something long and detailed like another made-up example of: (Nox expresses doubts on whether he’s worth loving, Nyx insists he is, argument builds until she hugs him and promises she will never leave in Old Galahd, which Nox doesn’t understand but can hear the intent of, Nox kisses her head and shakily asks her to let him love her).

Sometimes I can get very detailed on in-chapter notes if I have time because I know where I want to go, but if I forget between now and next time I work on a given WIP, I want to make sure I’ll remember.

For way future plans, I’m ... a mess. Honestly. Thanks to Scrivener I am a slightly less horrible mess but still. I generally have, in my Scrivener doc, a page for Timeline where I jot down important things like birth years/dates and years I KNOW something has to happen (I don’t tend to narrow it further than year, which leaves me later flexibility for if the scene will be in summer, winter, fall, etc depending on my need down the line).

Then I have a page just labeled Plot Notes and that’s where I thunder in, write something random that’s popped into my head (like X character almost dies, but Y character saves their life with magic) and thunder away again, which means it’s kinda a horror story going through later and trying to make sense of anything again because everything is jotted down as I think of it with no care for the Timeline I just mentioned. From there I tend to break it down further into pages dedicated to specific types of plot notes, either character centric (what will happen to X character when, who they are paired with, any notable points in their arc I still need to cover) or arc centric (in this arc X needs to happen, so that Y can happen).

Most of these are just short paragraphs where I do a vague outline of the idea with a few details I like (ie: The Autobots make it to Primus, Megatron is there, giant monster shows up, Hardwire fights it and kills it ala godzilla) so that when I actually finally GET there, I know what to do, but I can adapt for whatever unexpected changes I’ve made in the WIP since the time of writing the note (ie: giant monster is a Dark Energon centipede of doom rather than what I originally envisioned).

The only exception to this so far is actually my WIP Amongst Untrodden Ways, where I tend to binge a FT arc and write down as I watch everything I think I want to change and how I think Wren will effect things. Leading to about twenty paragraphs per arc or more, all referencing scenes I think I’ll need to change and things I think I can just not write when I get there because it will be the same as canon. I still try to keep these kinda loose tho? Because I know my own style and that by the time I reach these arcs, unexpected characters, powers, or plot points will have formed that will need to be added in (take for example: Pauz. I now have to figure out where he is and what he’s doing in any arc where Wren is hanging out extensively with Team Natsu, which invalidates some of my notes and makes others way easier).

For all of these notes, I actually use my HC format of

-This

-And then this

-With a little more of this.

That way it makes it easier for my eyes to spot where one note ends and the other begins. Even if the note goes on for a paragraph, the little “-” at the beginning of each note helps me keep track of where it starts and where it ends.

I think the one area I tend to write extensive notes, for fanfic anyway, is actually the ENDING. Because I go in knowing that the ending probably won’t look anything like what I’m picturing NOW, but what I’m picturing now is my ultimate goalpost. The more details I have on that, the more I know what to look for as I go along from beginning toward said end. I can go back to those notes and tweak details of the ending, or even make multiple versions of ending notes, sometimes mixed with bits of scene as I go along and build up the plot, but with the same general goalpost in mind I have some idea of where to steer the plot so I can actually get there (for vague spoilers example: I knew that in the ending of AMOSC, a character is gonna be at risk of dying and Ratchet wouldn’t be there. So I knew from the get-go that I needed a medic on scene to save said character. Rather than try to remember to slot in a canon character, I made Starwish a medic way early on. As an MC, she’s already going to be in that scene as a given, which means I won’t have to worry about not having a medic on hand when one is needed in that scene, since she’s been a medic so LONG, I don’t need to worry about inexperience being a plothole. I also have snips of the ultimate fight scene written down. They probably won’t show up the same way in the final draft, but at least I can look back and know oh yeah, that’s what I was going for, so I need to include THIS thing early on so it makes sense down the line).

....I hope any of that made sense. Because I have no idea how to make it more clear, but yeah. That’s my plotting process/style. Is that ... what you wanted to know? Because I wasn’t sure at all what you wanted to know.

#SE asks #oliverslewty asks #Secret Engima Rambles #SE Writing Advice #writing style #plot notes #how i plot #tl:dr - i don't

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brittle-bone-gabe · 5 years

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The Forgotten: Chapter Five - Truly a Small World

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter Thirteen, Chapter Fourteen, Chapter Fifteen, Chapter Sixteen, Chapter Seventeen, Chapter Eighteen, Chapter Nineteen, Chapter Twenty, Epilogue

Summary: Barry Berkman couldn’t remember much of his childhood; he knew he used to live in Derry, Maine, but that was about it, besides being taken by his “Uncle Fuches” at age 16 to move to Cleveland, Ohio. Eddie Kaspbrak moved from Derry, Maine to LA, becoming a police officer, surprisingly enough. Normally things were quiet for the most part, besides the occasional drug busts, but it’s when someone named Barry Block enters his line of sight as a possible suspect for the recent string of murders he has to push the feeling of remembrance to investigate. Pairing: Adult Reddie (Richie x Eddie) Or, technically, Barry x Eddie Read on Ao3: Here

Early the next day, Eddie made sure he got up early enough to pay Sally Reed a visit; he had managed to find her address with the notes that Janice had left behind when she did all the hard parts of the investigation. Eddie had all the pieces in front of him, he just had to put them together so they made some sort of sense. The address was listed as a last known address, so he was hoping it was still correct, well, it should be, it wasn’t too long since it was noted. He had to be getting close to something, right? The past few days of running around trying to get ahold of some sort of lead had to be getting him somewhere. This was not going to be for nothing; Janice’s death wasn’t going to be nothing. That was his best fucking friend and he was going to make sure this case would be finally solved for real.

Before getting out of his police cruiser, Eddie had to close his eyes, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself before going up to Sally’s apartment. The other night he almost lost his emotions around Gene, which he absolutely could not do while on the clock, whatever he was feeling couldn’t play a role in this case. The only thing he was allowed to feel was determination in closing this case; he sure needed it since it felt like a lot of dead ends and was starting to get frustrated. Breathe, Eddie, it’ll be okay, he thought to himself, opening his eyes, they were now burning from the sunlight entering through the windshield. Okay, he was ready.

Eddie made sure he had everything on him, the file, his notebook, yeah, he was ready to go. Letting out a sigh, getting out of the car. He made his way to the building that belonged to Sally, going up three flights of stairs. At least it gave Eddie some time to figure out what he wanted to say, what he should and shouldn’t bring up about the night Janice got murdered. He had a vague idea about what was already asked a bunch of times, he knew what he needed to ask, even if it meant he had to repeat questions.

You’ve done this hundreds of times, you know what to do. You got this, you’re okay, Eddie thought to himself, standing at the top of the stairs, catching his breath. Get in, get out, get the answers, move on with the case, you’ll be fine. Eddie moved down the hallway, finding the door labeled with 41 plastered on it.

Eddie knocked on her door, standing there awkwardly while waiting for someone to answer. He chewed at his bottom lip, going over everything he hopefully could ask and question Sally about. Just get in, get out, you’ve done this many times, he reminded himself again. There were footsteps on the other side of the door, someone was talking and laughing softly as they approached the door.

“ ...oh, hold on,” Eddie heard the person on the other side say before the door unlocked, opening up. A woman with blonde hair and green eyes opened a door, a smile on her face opened the door. The moment she saw Eddie’s police uniform her smile dropped. She put the phone back up to her ear. “I’ll call you back.” She said quickly before hanging up the phone. “Oh… hi,” she said awkwardly, “is there something I can help you with, officer?”

Eddie gave her a small smile. “I’m Officer Kaspbrak; my badge number is 27988.” He pointed at his badge that was above his left chest pocket. “Are you Sally Reed?” He asked as a precaution.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Would it be alright if I come in and ask you a few questions?”

“Of course.” She moved aside, holding the door open so Officer Kaspbrak could come inside her small apartment. Suddenly she was feeling embarrassed, she wasn’t expecting to have company of any kind, so her place was a mess. “Sorry about… all this,” she gestured towards the mess on the floor, “I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

Eddie shook his head. “It’s alright, this shouldn’t take too long.” Sally motioned towards the small dining room table that sat in the middle of her kitchen.

“Did you want anything to drink? Water…?”

“No, I’m good, thank you.” They both took a seat across from each other. “I just wanted to ask you some questions about what happened the night Janice Moss was murdered. Gene Cousineau said you were there at his cabin the night it happened?” Eddie took out his notebook from his pocket.

“Yeah, me and my… then boyfriend were both there.”

“Barry Block?” Sally nodded, fidgeting with her fingers as she was kinda nervous. She thought this case had been closed. “Did you hear anything that night at all? Gunshots? Screaming? Maybe anything that could come close to a struggle?”

“No, I slept through the night. I’m a pretty light sleeper, so I think I would’ve woken up if I did hear something, y’know?” She watched as he scribbled something down, she couldn’t quite make out what he wrote down.

“I haven’t had a chance to look at the cabin yet, but was there a sign of a break in? I’m sure that would’ve been in my notes if there was, right?”

“Yeah, no, nobody broke in. I don’t even think anyone came into the house that night. The doors are pretty creaky.”

“And you would’ve woken up if someone did leave the house?”

“For sure.”

Eddie quickly jotted that down, making sure he got every detail right. “Where was your room as opposed to Gene and Janice’s?”

“Right across the hall.”

“Alright, so yeah, you would’ve heard if someone left. Thin walls I assume?”

Sally shuddered, remembering what she heard that night when she and Barry were trying to fall asleep coming from the room across the hall. “Unfortunately.” Eddie smirked, writing something else down.

“So what happened the morning when nobody could find Janice? Tell me about that.”

“Gene woke us up at like… ten in the morning, saying that Janice wasn’t in bed and he couldn’t find her around the cabin. Which was like… weird, because I didn’t hear anything all night like I said. Her stuff was still in Gene’s room, but her car wasn’t there anymore.”

“And nobody could narrow down where the car went?”

“I think the officers that came out said there were tire tracks in the dirt, but it just…” Sally turned her finger around, “lead around in circles and they gave up.”

Eddie had originally made it a point to check out the cabin, but he wasn’t sure if it would’ve done any good at this point. However, he did want to see what tire tracks she was talking about, the car had to have hidden up somewhere and Eddie was going to find it. While Sally was being a huge help but telling Eddie everything she knew, it was mainly what he already knew.

“I think I just have one more question,” Eddie finally said, tapping his notepad with his pen gently, “where does Barry Block live? I didn’t see it anywhere in the notes, I could only assume Janice couldn’t find his address.”

Sally shifted awkwardly in her seat. “Oh… yeah, I…” she let out a small laugh, “I actually don’t know where he lives.”

Eddie couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow, instantly starting to think that she was covering up for him. “How is that possible if you been dating off and on again?” He asked, resting his chin on his hand that was propped up on the table.

“Well, he’s never really invited me over. It’s always been at my place or we just go out for the night and go our separate ways, but we never hung out at his place before.” Alright, that answer was good enough for Eddie. “But if you want to talk to him, he'll be in class tomorrow.”

No, Eddie couldn’t wait another day, especially if that was Barry who sped out of the parking lot the other night. If that was Barry, Eddie couldn’t help but assume that they had something to hide, they booked it out of there and Eddie couldn’t pinpoint where they sped off too. He must’ve checked, double checked, and triple checked before heading back to the theater to talk with Gene. Eddie could only assume that Barry was quick, so he needed to be at least two steps ahead of him.

“Or,” Sally started again, snapping Eddie out of his thoughts, looking back up at her, “sometimes he hangs out at that bar called the Beer Garden. Always sits in the back alone. Couldn’t miss him.”

“I’ll check it out, thank you for your time, Sally.” He stood up, pulling his card out from his front uniform pocket, handing it over to her. “Call me if you need anything,” he said with a small smile before heading to the front door, hearing Sally saying thanks, I will.

Seeing himself out, he knew that he had to find Barry before tomorrow in case he would try to ditch the class.

-----

It wasn’t unusual for Barry to be out drinking alone at a bar, his favorite being the Beer Garden, a bar not too far away from his hotel. He would either be there alone or sometimes he’d go with Fuches, maybe even Sally if they were on good terms at that moment. No, tonight he was alone, he needed to be alone as he was stressing out and didn’t want to be worried about pleasing the other person by striking up or holding a conversation. All Barry wanted was to sit in silence, alone, get drunk and forgot all his issues. Was that a healthy coping skill? Absolutely not. Did it work for him? Sure.

Barry was slumped in the booth he always sat in at the back of the bar, fidgeting with the beer bottle in his hand as he was trying to drown out his thoughts as best as he could before getting drunk. He wanted to know if he could at least shut his thoughts down by himself for a little bit before letting the alcohol take over. God, what a sad person I am, Barry couldn’t help but think to himself as he stared down at the table, zoning out as he was starting to dissociate. Fuck, he hated feeling detached, but maybe that’s what he needed to stop feeling all these worthless emotions. Maybe he needed to learn to shut down.

Honestly, Barry lowkey wanted to invite Sally out to drink with him in a way. While he wanted to stay quiet and do nothing, he knew that Sally would fill the silence if it ever got too much. It didn’t matter if he responded or not because she would keep on talking about her day, and honestly, it made Barry smile whenever she did. Sally surely knew how to brighten a room. Maybe he needed more of that in his life. Unfortunately they had gotten into an argument a few days ago, so Barry didn’t want to push anything besides that conversation they had in the parking lot in class the other day. Yeah, she must’ve wanted space away from him, right? Or, at least that’s what Barry convinced himself that’s what she wanted.

While Barry was deep into his thoughts, he took another sip of his beer, looking over at whoever was standing next to his table. When the memory finally clicked in Barry’s brain that he was looking at the same cop he had encountered at the house the other night, the same cop he had shot in the foot to save both of them so he could flee, the same cop Barry was sure followed him to class last night standing there looking at him with his arms folded over his chest so Barry sat up quickly, almost choking on his alcohol. Oh, shit. How did Officer Kaspbrak find him? Did he follow him here? If so, how long had he been following him? Barry had started coughing from the burning sensation that was now lingering in his throat, causing Officer Kaspbrak to take a step back in case he was sick or something. There was no way he was catching someone else’s cold.

“Wh-...” Barry started to say, looking back up at the officer who gave him a questioning look. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, still trying to find the words to say to the officer without sounded suspicious. “What… uh…” this was not working out well. “Hey,” Barry finally settled on, kicking himself mentally for that.

“Uh, hi,” Officer Kaspbrak answered awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Is there something you needed?”

“Barry Block?”

Barry’s eyes went wide, already seeing himself getting arrested. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he answered quickly, tapping his fingers against the beer bottle nervously, “yeah, that’s me,” he forced a smile.

“Mind if I have a seat?”

“Yeah, sure, that’s fine.” No, that was not fine. Barry wanted him to go away, he felt like everywhere he turned Officer Kaspbrak was there, waiting for some evidence to fall from the sky, waiting for Barry to do something wrong. Well, granted he did do something wrong, but the officer didn’t need to know it was him. He still had that forced smile on his face as Eddie sat in the booth from across from him. “What do you need?”

For the first time, Barry noticed that Officer Kaspbrak was carrying a file with him. Whatever was in it was making Barry nervous, this whole situation was fucked up and he didn’t want anything to do with it anymore. He was starting to think maybe killing him would’ve made his life easier, at least that way he wouldn’t be looking over his shoulder constantly, not staying up all night wondering if the police sirens from outside his hotel room were coming from him, he just wanted to go back to his semi decent life where he gave up his job and was focusing on the class.

Officer Kaspbrak took the old photo from the lipstick cam that Janice had made up, passing it over to Barry across the table. Trying to calm his shaky hands, Barry picked it up, studying it for a moment, trying to look close to make sure his face wasn’t at all in it. He should’ve known that it wasn’t, otherwise Janice would’ve had the original case opened and closed in a matter of days.

“What is this supposed to be?” Barry asked, acting dumb with another forced smile on his face, looking at Officer Kaspbrak who didn’t look at all amused by his comment.

“Drop the act, Barry,” Officer Kaspbrak responded, a neutral expression now on his face, causing Barry to drop his fake smile, “you know exactly what you’re looking at. You’ve seen that picture before. Detective Janice Moss showed you, along with your entire acting class, that photo.”

Damn, he was good.

“Right… right, right.” He looked at it again, trying to act interested in what he was being shown.

Officer Kaspbrak proceeded to pass over two new pictures that Barry has never seen before. Barry’s heart slammed against his chest now as he saw that they were stills from security footage from the house he was in last week. Fuck, there was more than that one camera? Barry thought, switching out the lipstick cam photo for the two stills. He was doing everything he could to not seem nervous, trying to stop his hands from shaking as he looked at them, studying every piece to make sure there was no way to tell if it was actually him. His hood was covering his face in the front door camera and his ski mask in the other, nothing was reflective to reveal that it was him. Okay, that’s good.

“They kinda look the same, huh?” Officer Kaspbrak basically said as he squeezed his hands together. Judging on his tone, Barry knew that he wasn’t actually asking a question, but more of a fact.

“I wouldn’t know,” Barry started, “I’m not a cop.” He gave a small shrug, sliding the pictures back over to him.

Officer Kaspbrak only nodded in agreement as he put the pictures back into the file where they belonged. When he looked back up at Barry, he knitted his eyebrows together as he was starting to get lost in thought. There was something about him that he recognized but couldn’t exactly put his finger on it. Like… somehow he knew him from a long time ago. Although, Eddie would’ve been sure if he had met Barry before, he was cute, someone that he wouldn’t have forgotten easily. Fuck, this was going to drive him crazy.

“Where are you from, Barry?” Officer Kaspbrak finally asked. Irrelevant, but he needed to know.

“I was born in Derry, Maine, but when I was six-teen I moved to Cleveland with my uncle.”

Officer Kaspbrak now had a confused look on his face. “Small world. I’m also from Derry. Don’t remember much of the damn place though…” he trailed off, trying to pull something from his memories but his mind was failing to do so. He snapped out of it, looking at Barry again. “There was a reason I came to talk to you tonight, Barry.” Barry just nodded, picking at the label at the beer bottle. “You were there with Janice that night she went missing, right?”

“Y...yeah.”

“So what happened the night before she went missing?”

Barry shrugged. “We all just talked, we had dinner, went to bed. Nothing really unusual,” he said, trying to remember the exact things they did that night so it didn’t seem like he was lying.

“And you didn’t hear her leave the house? Anything that sounded like a break in?” Barry shook his head. Officer Kaspbrak let out a sigh, he didn’t know where else to go with this, he had a strong feeling that Barry knew more than what he let on, but right now he was tired. Tired and was trying to remember a past he couldn’t force out of his brain. “Alright, well…” Officer Kaspbrak pulled the same card he gave to Sally from out of his shirt pocket, handing it over to Barry, “call me if you hear anything.”

Barry gave a small smile, nodding. Officer Kaspbrak held out his hand to him, which Barry shook, feeling small tingles of electricity run through their hands.

“Thanks for talking to me tonight, Barry.” With that, Officer Kaspbrak left the bar without another word.

Barry let out a sigh of relief once he was out of line of sight, chugging the beer sitting in front of him.

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writerkenna · 5 years

Text

The Lights of Stars and The Glitter in Your Eyes Chp 4

I am SO sorry for how long this took. I went from ear infection to cold to stomach flu one right after another and could hardly do more than lay in bed and watch Schitt's Creek.

I will try to be more consistent with updates from now on.

But y'all, this shit is cute. Really cute. FLUFF WARNING

Enjoy!

(songs that I liked while writing this: Mine by Bazzi, Somethin Stupid by Frank Sinatra, Chelsea Dagger by the Fratellis and the ramblings of my own mind by me)

“That system is one of the most massive in the universe. Over thirty planets. You see how big the star is?” Thor said as Bruce leaned over to where his finger was pointing at. Bruce jotted down a scribble of something.

“What’s the name? And, uh, um, what are our coordinates right now? Do you know that? Is it inhabited?” Bruce rambled, eyes darting in bright flashes between Thor, the twinkle of the Galbacus system, and his notepad. The side of Thor’s lips ticked up into a pleased smile, and gave all the details he could.

Stargazing, though not as frequent an occurrence as their other rituals, was becoming part of their shared traditions. Bruce was the push behind every extended trip to the window. Thor had learned that his seven PhDs were in Nuclear Physics, Computer Science, Biochemistry, Radiobiology, Medicine, Particle Physics, and, apparently, Astronomy, which he had explained to Thor he had pursued due to his intense and undying love of the stars. Bruce approached space with a mix of the analytical and passion, coming in with a million questions of metrics as well as younger eyes than Thor had ever seen on him. Thor always tried to answer, to the best of his abilities, the questions that Bruce sped-spoke to him. He hoped that maybe one day this could go into another one of Bruce’s papers and he would have helped with that and done a service to Midgardian science as a whole, though, secretly, he knew, as he watched Bruce’s teeth tug in a corner of lip while he gave him the details of Galbacus’s fourth planet from its star, that he did not really love star charting for any educational purpose.

“How do you know all this, by the way? All the systems?” Bruce asked.

“Asgardian education is very broad, Bruce. I know much about astronomy, as well as other sciences.” Thor’s grin inched out further as a warmth spread under Bruce’s cheeks along with a steady glow permeating from under his irises.

“Asgard has science? That’s . . . like, sorry this is kinda lame, but can you explain it to me, how that works? This sorta stuff is, well, my thing,” Bruce beamed and his mouth pulled open a smidge to show a glint of white teeth. He was genuinely excited about this, almost to the point of wonder, and the smile Bruce was sending his way, a real, true, indulgent smile, hit Thor in his core, melting that solid ball of grit inside him to some moldable mush.

“I, yes, I’m realizing that it is,” he replied. He went on, expanding on the manners of Asgardian science, the overlap of magic with the technical, and followed the motions of Bruce’s speedy fingers flicking around his notepad.

He wrote with a fire that sprung from the tip of his pencil and resulted in half-readable scratches across his page. Note taking and research were the only times Bruce, outside of Hulk form, moved with speed. His hands, which were normally kept braced around each other at his midsection in a silent state of waiting, moves rare and planned, woke themselves when the notion of science floated by them. They ignited first, those hands, though the rest of the body always followed close behind, alive with the idea of gaining knowledge. Thor didn’t think he should be blamed for staring.

Thor did stop his eyes from locking, though, when he caught himself stuck on the twitch of Bruce’s pinky as it tapped its own secret code on the notepad. Thor’s chest went hot, like an ember pushing its way through him from his back, and he had to actually shake himself to remove the tension of it. As he did, the hand which seemed to be causing the trouble moved up towards Bruce’s face and pressed against his temple.

“Agh, Christ, the big guy’s aggressive today.”

Thor’s everything fell, because Bruce had been saying that too often, because Thor knew why.

“Oh,” Thor was plummeting. He could see Hulk, see all the pain and fury spiking right under Bruce’s eyes and he hated himself for it, “What does it feel like? With him, trying to get out?”

Bruce dropped his hands down, connecting them together at his waist, and his mouth fell open at its center. His face became hard for Thor to interpret, changing too much too quickly, but Thor could see one thing for certain, two voices in one mind.

“It’s . . . ah, sort of like. Um, brainfreeze?” Bruce tried, but shook that off, “No, not like that, actually. More like, I can hear this noise, this mumble or . . . fuzz sort of thing, at the back of my head. And sometimes, like, um, right now, it’s super loud and . . . I, it’s hard to think, you know?”

“I . . . yes,” Thor said through his teeth. He paused, eyes not on Bruce but down on himself and the toes of his boots, and then raised both hands up to the sides of his head. He shoved against himself till he felt static at the corners of his sight. This felt necessary, somewhat, an atonement for his sins against Bruce, to feel the pressure he inflicted, but he couldn’t get a good traction with his knuckles, and he was sure, just from the fight that radiated out from under Bruce’s skin, that whatever Thor was trying was nothing compared to that.

“Hey, geez, don’t do that,” Bruce’s hand covered one of Thor’s and slipped it down. Thor allowed himself one curl around Bruce’s pinky with his index finger and uncoiled it as soon as he saw Bruce’s eyes drift to it.

“I . . . wanted to know how it felt for you.”

Bruce went into a wide eyed silence and took a pace away from Thor, left foot catching on his right.

“No, you-you shouldn’t want that,” Bruce said to the floor and Thor’s shoulders squared around his ears. He was certain, that if he was making Bruce’s head shake with rumbles, that if Bruce couldn’t meet his eyes, he must be truly awful.

“I-uh, Loki, I have to go meet Loki,” Thor shot at Bruce, turning as he spoke to the door and just missing seeing what Bruce’s eyes would have looked like when they returned to him.

His lunch with Loki was actually not for another thirty minutes or so but he really couldn’t look at Bruce right now, and he was fairly certain his presence was giving Bruce crippling migraines, so he took himself over to the cafeteria, flicked dirt out from under his nails, and waited.

“Why are you all twitchy, and stuff? What’s happening?” Loki settled across from Thor with a cup of something steaming. His brow was dipping into the skin of his eyelid as he scanned over the stretch of Thor, vaguely judgemental, as per usual.

“Ah, am I?” Thor checked himself. There was a tremble shimmying from his shoulder and through his thigh to his foot. He stopped, but the tension was still there, transmitting from his head in rolling waves as he thought about the situation he had screwed himself into.

“Yes, you are. Is it the politics overwhelming your very blond head?”

“No!” Thor replied, overly defensive, but, well, his head was a bit too blond for politics and he didn’t want to be reminded of the fact. He corrected his tone, “No, it is not-well, I do have a political query for you of sorts.”

“You can’t change your official title to Thor: King, Strongest Avenger, and National Asskicker,” Loki drawled, a smirk growing around his spoon as he ate his soup.

“Um, I am the only king so I think I can-wait, no, not what I was asking. I want you to be my foreign minister,” Thor whipped out a big grin on issuing on what he had hoped would be a joyous announcement. He was met with Loki’s smirk working away into a scathing frown.

“You are truly an idiot.”

“Excuse me?” Thor balked. Loki tossed his head back with a pull of a grimace across his face.

“I will absolutely not be doing that.” Loki was starting to look near disgusted and it was making Thor wonder if he had somehow insulted him. Maybe foreign minister hadn’t been big enough. Probably that.

“Now, I know foreign minister might not seem so grand, brother, but it’s perfect for you. All, ah, the cunning and strategy and being mean to other dignitaries,” Thor explained. Loki didn’t soften.

“No one here on this ship wants me anywhere near government,” he huffed back. Thor pulled his lips taut and shook his head.

“Uh, I do? Why aren’t you happy? You should be happy.” He sort of hated this act Loki put on of self pity, digging himself so firmly into the place of social pariah, which, well, maybe he was now after all he’d done. It was a chicken and egg deal with that, though, because Thor couldn’t remember when Loki was ever not whining about acceptance and lamenting his lot in life.

“I, wow, I can’t believe you’re actually this naive. You’re going to piss off all your councils, and, of course, Heimdall, if you make me anything. I mean, for Odin’s sake, you’ve already elected the beast as-”

“Do not,” Thor bellowed, a determined finger swinging out and attracting the attention of a couple two tables behind them, “call Bruce a beast.”

“Ah,” Loki said and his smirk returned with a fervor, like he had solved it. Thor groaned, because Loki had somehow turned this into a display of Thor’s complicated hang ups.

“What would you do if, in a theoretical situation, you really enjoyed someone’s company very much, but your company caused them pain?” Thor asked after he had decided he had been manipulated. Loki stared for a long moment, vacant face, before he spoke.

“Could you, theoretically, be caught for this?”

“Yes,” Thor answered, sweat brimming on the brink of his neck. He wasn’t sure exactly what the extent of Hulk and Bruce’s communication was, and his secret felt like it was wafting closer to the surface every day.

“Then I’d leave them the fuck alone,” Loki said, and Thor deflated.

Avoiding Bruce became easier as Thor went on with it. The ship had many areas to escape to, like the gym, that had bags and people to punch, the cafeteria, with meat to feast upon and people who were not Bruce to converse with, and occasionally, Loki’s quarters, which mostly resulted in both him and Thor becoming increasingly aggravated and was consequently low on Thor’s list of visiting spots. And though Bruce was up late most nights with his work on his paper, Thor could feign sleep well enough and their talking was minimalized.

Thor didn’t know if he liked the ease with which he was able to avoid Bruce.

He couldn’t, however, avoid Bruce in the council meetings. Bruce, as direct chancellor to the king, was at every one of them, sitting right next to Thor over piles of haphazard notes.

“No, no, we are going with Ariagana’s policy, not Haldier’s,” Bruce mumbled, only for Thor, slipping a page out from the others. Thor skimmed the lines on trade laws.

“We want the one with . . . ah, more safety checks on imported goods.” His eyes wandered over Bruce’s way, who gave him a small nod. Thor warmed as a curl stumbled over onto Bruce forehead with the motion. He brought his mind back to the meeting.

Bruce was a mighty distraction, though. This was the only long stretch Thor allowed himself to have of Bruce and it was hard not to fall down the coiled trap of watching all the quirks and fidgets Bruce was prone to. At that moment, Thor was getting a side-eyed view of how Bruce looped his pencil over and under his fingers in idle seconds. This, he supposed, creepily observing his private movements and ministrations, would have to fill the gaps left by their star charting and movie marathons and late night talks.

The meeting ended when a debate between two members of the agriculture committee got violent, where Thor decided with Bruce he was very clearly on Einar’s side.

“Hey.” Bruce grabbed Thor in the rush of people exiting the meeting room. Thor couldn’t help but notice that Bruce’s eyes were ghosted with the dull gray of stress.

“Hi, uh, hey, Banner,” Thor said, with an edge, with a border. Bruce’s lip ticked down, but he didn’t correct it, “Thanks for . . . you’re really good with the notes, thanks.”

“Course, bud,” Bruce said with a sigh and Thor could feel the sense of more underneath it. Despite himself, Thor didn’t leave. It had been four days without real conversation between the two. He had been craving.

“Can I ask you a question?” Thor offered. Bruce lit up.

“Sure.”

“With that film we watched, the one about the mean alien and the really badass lady warrior, is that cat okay in the end? I know the xenomorph doesn’t eat him but-” Bruce’s laugh bustled in and Thor’s brow bunched up, “What?”

“You are so precious,” Bruce said, face going soft in the edges of his mouth and the wrinkles of his eyes. Somewhere in between the muscles of Thor’s abs and his gut, a match was lit and as it sparked, his lungs burned. He took in two large gulps of air.

Bruce broke the fuzz, though, as he groaned and pressed fingertips to his temple. Thor caught himself, and guilt dredged out the fire.

“Have to go,” he shot before Bruce could say anymore. And Thor ran, fast, fast, fast.

He landed in the gym by riding his foggy wave of remorse and worry. The punching bag in the far left of the room became his venting for his anger at himself and the sparks that glinted across him when Bruce’s lips split open across his teeth. As fists flew and Thor’s vision blurred, time sped and dragged in equal portions, and Thor wasn’t sure, when someone pulled him off the crumbling bag, if he had been there for thirty minutes or five hours.

“Shit, that bag owe you money?” Valkyrie asked as Thor stumbled away from the bag. He huffed at it, then looked back over to Valkyrie, who looked like a solution.

“Spar with me?” he asked. Valkyrie’s mouth quirked up fast.

“Yeah,” she replied, followed closely by a fist zooming for Thor’s head. Thor ducked it and hooked Valkyrie’s waist until she was dipping with him.

“You’re upsetting Bruce,” Valkyrie said from under Thor’s hold. Thor gave her a long look and a puff of a ‘huh’. Valkyrie took the moment to loop her thighs around Thor’s neck and tumble them both back.

“How . . . do . . . you know?” stumbled Thor. Valkyrie laughed, but with a sigh, loosened her legs.

“He told me. Cause I talk to Bruce, unlike you, apparently?” she explained, and the legs fell. She leaned on her elbows on the rubber-ish mat below them, “Why is that?”

Thor flipped her forward as an objection to replying. She hissed out as her back slammed the floor with a might. Thor winced for her.

“Sorry.” Thor looked away as Valkyrie rolled her eyes. She started up and took a run towards him. Thor tossed his arms up as a counter.

“So what’s up?” Valkyrie asked around swings.

“What’s what?”

“You and Bruce? Are you, like, obsessed, or something? Because you are very, very freaky about him, whether or not you’re flirting with him.”

“Flirting? I, no, no, you-” Thor staggered. His hands were antsy with the allegation and they found traction in careful placement on Valkyrie’s shoulder and hip. His leg got a hit in at her gut, “I-look, flirting, no, and obsession, no. I’m not. I don’t get obsessed, please. That’s below me.”

“Ha! Okay, King, excuse me. Forgot how excellent and above us all you are,” Valkyrie said with an elbow to Thor’s chin. He took a stumble back, finishing it with a spit of whatever she had hit out of him. With a step forward and a toss of a fist, they were crashing blows again.

“Okay, so, well, I’m not saying I’m above you. I just, not obsessed. Bruce is-he . . . just, I just enjoy conversation with him because he is funny and a genius at Midgard science and has good Midgardian films to watch and listens to me and turns into a really cool green guy and makes jokes about things I don’t get but I’m trying to and-and . . . oh, oh. Oh.”

Thor was huffing hot air out into the room and on Valkyrie at that point, the fight only half to blame.

The air room in his head was being sucked out. He was dumb, very dumb. He was made a fool by Bruce in shirts that were too big, with his damned curls and wrinkles and smiles and olive skin. Thor didn’t know how he could only find this from pain and utter Bruce Banner starvation. Despite this, despite being a giant idiot who couldn’t even understand the workings of his own self, Thor felt a smile bubble up on his red face. He didn’t fully snap out of it when a foot knocked him in the chest and he fell to the floor. Instead, warm with electricity and blood rushing everywhere at once, Thor rolled his head up to Valkyrie.

“Oh Gods, I’m in love with Bruce.”

Okay so if you're wondering why they watch so many 80's movies, Bruce Banner, if going based on Mark Ruffallo, should be like 48 or 49, so, a total 80's baby. He also loves Sixteen Candles, Queen, and the Cure.

#thorbruce #thurce #gammahammer #thunderscience #Thor Odinson #Bruce Banner #Loki #valkyrie #MCU #thor ragnarok #mcu fanfiction

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terrayoung · 6 years

Text

A Delicate Balance

A @dctvsecretsanta fic for @drnathanielheywood, who asked for: team legends stealing Christmas presents through time and Nate/Mick. It’s in Nate’s 2nd person p.o.v.

Fic is under the cut - I hope you enjoy!

"Pleeeeeeeaaaaaassssseeee?" Ray asks, holding out a bowl full of paper slips. "Wally and Mick already agreed - though Mick might've just done it to get me to leave him alone - and I'm sure the others will, too!" He widens his eyes. "I'd really appreciate it! Secret Santa is just the kind of bonding activity we need right now!"

You sigh. Damn those puppy-dog eyes. "Okay, fine. But you owe me an Indiana Jones marathon. And I mean all the movies - even Crystal Skull."

"That's fair."

Ray thrusts the bowl even closer to you. You close your eyes, pray that you get someone easy to shop for, and rummage around in the bowl for your lucky slip. Fingers on your free hand crossed, you unfold the paper. In scrawled black writing is two words and an emoji, "Mick Rory :)". Ray's looking at you expectantly, so you force a smile on your face.

"Didn't get myself, buddy, so I guess that's good," you say.

"Yep!" Ray beams. "Oh, and before I forget - Mick suggested being able to steal the gifts. Long as you don't take it/them from the less fortunate, it's fair game." He pulls you into a brief, one-armed hug. "Thanks, Nate!"

You watch as Ray leaves your room, then finally let the smile slip off your face. "What the fuck do I do now? Um, Gideon?"

"Yes, Dr. Heywood?" Gideon asks.

"Any ideas on what I could get Mick for the Secret Santa?"

"I'm afraid Dr. Palmer requested that I not give anyone advice about their giftees." She almost sounds regretful. "He said it would be considered cheating."

"Gee, thanks a lot," you mutter.

"You're welcome!"

"Damn AI."

"I heard that," Gideon warns.

You throw up your hands in frustration and flop onto your bed. After a few seconds, you roll over so you can scream into a pillow. You roll over again a few seconds after that since the lack of oxygen is getting to your head.

What on Earth could you possibly get - or steal - for Mick? You put too little effort into this and he'll burn you to a crisp, but putting too much effort in would be like a neon sign telling him about your crush. Anything fire-related is too obvious and you know nothing about what he'd need for crime. It's probably too soon to give Mick a new rat and he could just fabricate himself some beer. What does he even like to do?

...Wait. You vaguely remember Mick being super gung-ho about vampires - he was even reading a special edition copy of Dracula. Maybe that's something you can work with.

XxXx

You knock on Sara's door the next day. It takes a few seconds for her to open it, by which point you're already rocking back and forth on your heels.

"Can I help you?" Sara asks, rubbing at her eyes.

You nod. "Mind if I borrow the jump ship for a few hours? I think I know what to get my Secret Santa."

"Promise to never wake me up at..." She grabs your wrist, drags it towards her, and checks the time on your watch. "At 6AM ever again?"

"What if there's a life-threatening emergency?"

"If it's before 9AM, I don't care."

"Then, yes, I promise," you say, giving Sara a mock solute.

Sara releases your wrist and waves you away. "Fine. Go. Have fun shopping or stealing or what-the-fuck-ever. I'm going back to sleep."

"Sleep -" You're cut off by Sara sliding the door shut on you- "well." You run a hand through your hair. "Next stop, late nineteenth century." A few steps towards the jump ship remind you that you're still wearing your slippers. "After a trip to the fabrication room."

XxXx

You're barely out of the fabrication room - and still trying to fix your tie - when you run into Mick. Literally. Your forehead slams right into his chin. You stumble back, clutching your head, while he just stands there like a brick wall. A very well-muscled brick wall...

You shake your head - causing it to ache some more - to get your brain back on track. Mick raises an eyebrow.

"You okay there, Pretty?" Mick asks. His gravelly voice rattles through your bones. "Sounded like you hit me pretty hard."

You rub your forehead one last time, then let your arm drop. "Think I'm gonna have one hell of a headache, but I'll live. How are you not in any pain?"

"I am." Mick shrugs. "But I've lived through worse." He stops, stares at your chest, and then rolls his eyes. You have two seconds to blink before Mick's closer than you'd ever hoped he'd get.

"Umm, Mick?" You'll swear on every bible in the country that your voice didn't just crack. "What's goin' on?"

"Fixing your stupid tie," Mick mutters.

There's a spark each time his hands brush against your chest. Mick's face is so close to yours and it takes every bit of your willpower to not lean in for a kiss. You don't even realize that you were holding your breath until Mick steps back and it all rushes out of you.

Mick smirks, proud of his handiwork. "There ya go." He looks you up and down. "Where're you going? Didn't think we had a mission today."

"We - we don't," you reply. "I'm going to go get my Secret Santa's gift." You run a hand through your hair. "No idea how Ray managed to convince all of us to do that, by the way."

Mick just grunts and shrugs.

"Anyway, um, I'm going to go do that -" you gesture vaguely in the direction of the jump ship -"and I'll see you later?"

"...Sure." Mick steps around you and heads down the hallway. He calls over his shoulder, "Long as you don't get yourself killed."

You're not sure if Mick thinks you're likely to, or if this is his own way of showing concern. It's been a couple of years since you met him and you're no closer to having him figured out. Luckily, you've always been a fan of mysteries. Not as much as histories, but -

You shake your head. Now is really not the time for your train of thought to run off the tracks. You give yourself a few seconds to remember Mick's closeness, then return to heading off to the jump ship. You've got a gift to track down.

XxXx

"Why couldn't this have been a normal trip to Ye Olde Bookshoppe?" You mutter. "Oh, wait, normal flew out the window once I stepped onboard a freaking timeship!"

"Be quiet!" Van Helsing - Abigail Van Helsing - hisses. "Unless you want the vampire to get us!"

You hold up your hands, then mime zipping your mouth shut. Van Helsing just frowns before turning to look out of the alleyway.

You'd started out going to buy an original copy of Dracula for Mick, planning on getting it signed by Bram Stoker himself. But then a fucking vampire had literally crashed the party! Then Van Helsing followed it through, announced she would take care of the beast, and then chased after it. You'd declared your intention to help, and well, here you are now. Somewhere in the middle you've managed to figure out that Dracula was loosely based on a true story. Very loosely, if Van Helsing being named Abigail instead of Abraham and the vampire not having much in the way of sentience are any indication.

"It's coming," Van Helsing whispers. "You distract it with your "powers"-" how is she able to sound like she's miming air quotes a century before they were a thing?- "and then I'll stab it in the chest. Is that understood?"

You nod, then steel up. Van Helsing's eyes widen. As soon as you hear the vampire scuffle past, you step out of the alleyway. The sun gleams off of your silver skin and attracts the vampire's attention. You slowly back away to lure it closer and closer to Van Helsing. Once you've moved far enough, you give her a thumbs-up.

Van Helsing may not recognize the gesture, but she knows a signal when she sees one and jumps towards the vampire. There's a bit of a struggle - most of which is on the vampire's end - and then it's over as soon as it began. Van Helsing brushes the dust off her knife.

"Thank you," Van Helsing says after a moment. "That would have been a lot more difficult without your help."

You shrug before de-steeling. "No problem. Mind if I ask you a question?"

"I suppose I owe you that much. What is it?"

"Do you know where I could find Bram Stoker?" You hold up the now slightly battered copy of Dracula. "I've got a book for him to sign."

XxXx

Bram Stoker looks from you, to Dracula, and then back to you. "You want me to write a dedication to someone I've never even heard of?"

"Yes, please," you answer. "He's a huge fan - uh, admirer - of your writing, and would greatly appreciate your signing the book. I'm planning on giving it to him for Christmas."

"A rare thing for two unrelated men to do," Stoker replies, "but not an unappreciated one. What is your young man's name?"

"He's not young - or mine - but -" You take a breath- "Mick Rory."

Stoker nods. He thinks for a moment, dips his pen in an inkwell, and jots down a few words. "Here you go, Dr. Heywood." Stoker pushes the book back to you. "I hope Mr. Rory takes to this gift."

"Thank you so much, Mr. Stoker!" You barely glance at the dedication before snapping the book shut. "I have to get going, but it was very nice to meet you!"

"Same to you."

XxXx

The next person you literally run into is Zari, as you're exiting the jump ship. It affects her more than you, but neither of you get too hurt. Which is great - you still have a lingering headache from your encounter with Mick.

"Thanks for that," Zari snarks. "Long as you're here, though - any ideas on what to get Hunter? I've only met the man twice, so I'm kinda at a loss."

You snort. "That's a first." You sober up at Zari's withering glare. "Um, I didn't really know 'im too well either. Think I remember someone mentioning he's really into Wild West stuff? That and antiques."

"So shop for you, but lean towards cowboy crap," Zari summarizes. "Got it." She gestures to the jump ship. "Just leaving or just returning?"

"Returning." You step out of Zari's way. "Go right ahead." Before she can get too far, you hold up Dracula and add, "For Mick - what do you think? It's an original copy and it's signed."

Zari shrugs. "He should like it. May even get you that kiss you want."

"Kiss? Why would I want a -" You slump. "How'd you know?"

"You're nowhere near as subtle as you think you are," Zari answers. "Surprised he hasn't noticed - I'm aromantic and I picked up on it ages ago." She hangs in the doorway. "Good luck, though."

"Thank -" Zari shuts the door- "you." You run a hand through your hair. "Why does that keep happening to me?"

XxXx

Ray knocks on your door just as you're putting stuffing the last of the tissue paper into the bag containing Mick's gift. You tell him to let himself in, then scribble a note on the to/from sticker. Hopefully your handwriting isn't too distinctive.

You sit up, expecting Ray to start info-dumping about some new science fact or his latest project, but he's pacing silently instead. It takes about five minutes for concern to override just letting him be.

"Uh, Ray?" You begin. "You okay there, buddy?"

Ray hesitates before shaking his head. He then leans against the closest wall.

"What's up? Do you need some paper to write on?"

"Nah," Ray answers. "Just figuring out what to say - I'm not non-verbal atm." He sighs. "Um, I already got my Secret Santa's gift, but... ButIwasthinkingofgettingNoraagifttoo."

You stand up and rest a hand on Ray's shoulder. "I'm totally here for you, but would you mind repeating that for me? My ears can't process your words when you're speaking at a hundred miles an hour."

"Sorry. I said I was thinking of getting Nora a gift, too," Ray confesses. "But I don't know where she is, how to get it to her if I did, or if she even celebrates Christmas. Or how she'd react." Ray smiles sheepishly. "Y'know, with her being a former bad guy and all."

"Yeah, I had the same problem with Mick."

Ray jerks his head up so quickly, you fling your hand out in shock. You can feel a blush spreading across your cheeks.

"Okay, if you agree to ignore the implications there, I'll agree to ignore you implying that you still have a thing for Nora," you say.

"Fine by me." Ray smiles. "For what it's worth, I think Mick likes you back. I mean, he does call you "Pretty"."

You shrug. "Thinking I'm hot doesn't equal feelings, but thanks. And good luck with Nora. I don't think she's the best person to crush on, but you do you, Ray." You smirk. "Or her." Ray jokingly punches you in the arm. "Hey!"

"So, assuming I find Nora, you think I should get her something?" Ray asks.

"Yeah, man. You could always pass it off as a "just because" gift if she's not a Christmas person."

Ray pulls you into a brief hug. "Thank you for the advice and friendly ear."

"No problemo."

Ray shakes his head, still smiling, and exits your room. He gives you a wave as the door closes.

XxXx

A few days later, it's finally the moment of truth. Or to put it less dramatically - the day you all exchange your Secret Santa gifts. The result of you shoving in the tissue paper is a bag that's a little messy and half-hazard looking, but you feel it's appropriate. There's more to it than its rough exterior - just like Mick.

You're the first one on the bridge. You place your gift by the center console and then pour yourself a drink. Maybe it'll help calm your nerves.

"Great idea, Pretty." Mick's rumbling voice makes you jump - you hadn't heard him approach. Thankfully the glass didn't spill any more than a couple of drops. Mick brushes past you to pour himself... something. You're too busy trying not to shudder from that brief moment of contact.

"Hey, um, Mick," you finally reply. "Have any trouble finding a gift?"

Mick shrugs. "Wrapping it was the worst part. Ended up just shoving it into a box."

"Yeah, I -"

Whatever you were about to say next is cut off by a deluge of Legends flooding onto the bridge. Several different conversations overlap as people try to put their gifts by the console without tripping over each other. You decide to find a comfortable spot to sit before all the good ones are taken. To your surprise, Mick grabs the one next to you.

"So, who wants to go first?" Ray asks, once everyone has settled down.

Sara nods at him. "It was your idea."

Ray stammers and protests for a bit, but gives in once everyone starts chanting his name. He picks up a small, thin present that has dark blue wrapping paper with silver atoms. Ray tears through the paper less gently than expected to reveal a frame with a photo inside. It's a candid shot of him and a brunette woman - Anna, maybe - sitting on a park bench somewhere and laughing. Ray hastily wipes away a few tears.

"Thank you," he begins, "whoever, um -"

Rip raises a hand. "I always wished there were more photos of Miranda and myself after she..." he clears his throat. "I hope it's alright that I-"

Before Rip can finish his sentence, Ray all but tackles him with a hug. Rip awkwardly pats his back for a bit, then gently pulls back.

The rest of the gifts are less emotionally fraught, though no less meaningful. Ava receives two photos - one of her and Sara and one of her with the team - and a hug from Ray. Wally opens an awkwardly wrapped meditation fountain from Ava and gives Sara a set of throwing knives. Sara gives Zari a blanket with various video game symbols and characters, and Zari in turn gives Rip a hat and book from the Old West. Only you and Mick are left, which grants you both significant looks from everyone else.

"Guess it's pretty obvious who yours is from," you joke to Mick. He grunts and goes to pick up one of the two remaining gifts.

Your heart is in your throat as Mick carefully pulls out the tissue paper. He frowns at what's inside, but it smooths out once he picks up Dracula.

"Original edition?" Mick murmurs. "Nice."

You swallow hard. "Look inside the front cover."

Mick does so, his eyebrows lifting as he reads whatever message Stoker left him. "Huh. Thanks, Nate."

Hearing someone call you by your first name usually doesn't send butterflies fluttering in your stomach, but your thing for Mick isn't that usual to begin with.

"My turn, then." You stand up, grab the sole remaining box, and settle back down in your spot.

The box is wrapped in simple silver paper and topped with a red bow. You stick the bow to your shirt before unwrapping the gift. First in the box is a photo of Harrison Ford in full Indiana Jones gear, complete with jacket. Underneath that, carefully folded up, is the exact same jacket in surprisingly good condition.

"Is this -? Did you -?" You're at a loss for words.

Mick avoids your gaze. "Stole it off the set. I added the picture so you could tell it's the same one."

"Thank you so much." Before you can stop yourself, you pull Mick into the best sideways hug you can manage. Your skin tingles all over when you finally let go, which almost distracts you from noticing that Mick's cheeks are a bit red. Huh.

Sara pulls you from your thoughts by tapping something - a pen? - against a whisky bottle. "Now that the presents are done with, let's get drunk!"

Most of the team cheers and makes a beeline for the drink cart. Ray switches on some music after clarifying that it's secular Christmas/winter-themed songs only. Mick stands up and nods towards the drinks.

"You want anything?" Mick asks.

'A kiss' is what you want to say. What actually comes out of your mouth is, "Not right now. Thanks, though."

Mick grunts in the affirmative before leaving you alone to stew. Which lasts all of five seconds due to Wally zooming over to capture the newly open spot.

"Y'know, I could get some mistletoe over here without Mick noticing," Wally whispers. "Wouldn't even take two seconds."

You shake your head. "And make Mick mad at the both of us? Nah. I've known him for this long without him making good on his threats. A little longer would be nice."

Wally face palms, then leaves without saying anything more. He rushes back and - sue enough, there's a mistletoe hanging above where you're sitting. You roll your eyes and go to take it down. Unfortunately, tearing it off causes you to fall back from the amount of force you'd used. You're caught by strong arms before you can hit the ground.

You look up to find that Mick's your timely rescuer - hero, a part of you whispers - and hastily right yourself on your own two feet. "Uh, thanks, Mick."

"What was that about?" Mick raises an eyebrow. "You shouldn't be drunk already."

"I'm not! It's just -"

"Just...?"

"Wally was trying to play a prank on us," you explain, "and I nearly fell over trying to get it down." You hold up the mistletoe and feel a blush start to spread across your face. "Funny, right?"

"What's funny? You nearly cracking your head open?" Mick asks.

"No, um, uh-" you look down at the floor- "Wally thinking that making us kiss was a good idea for a prank. I mean, the idea of you and me -"

Mick catches your chin in his hand, tilting it up so your gazes meet. "'S not that bad an idea, actually."

"What - You - I -"

Before you can embarrass yourself even further, Mick pulls you into a kiss. You freeze for a moment, then surge forward to deepen it. Your hands settle on Mick's waist to tug him even closer.

And then someone wolf-whistles.

Mick sighs into your mouth, then gently pushes you away. "Should prob'ly continue this where we can have some privacy."

"My room's good," you reply. "Much closer than yours." You can't resist giving Mick another kiss.

"Works for me, Pretty." Mick steps even farther back, then gestures to the nearest door. The two of you all but run out as you try to ignore all the teasing from the rest of the group. Sara shouts out to not do anything she wouldn't do. Like that's even that long of a list.

...Which may have been the point.

XxXx

"Wait," you say, once you and Mick are finally in your room, "hang on a second, okay?"

Mick frowns but complies. "Y'not want to do this anymore?"

"For now?" You nod. "For now. It's just -" You run a hand through your hair. "I don't know if we're on the same page here, or if you even like me or anything."

"Would I kiss you if I didn't like you?" Mick asks.

"I mean, like me, like me. I mean -" moment of truth, here- "I'm in love with you. Have been for a while. Even when I was with Amaya, I think I felt something like that for you." Your eyes widen. "Not that I didn't love Amaya! It was just... both of you, I guess. Amaya and I were just starting to talk about it right before she, um, left." You pause to take a breath. "If you don't feel the same, that's fine, but - I don't want to do a friends with benefits thing if you don't. I don't think my heart could take it." It's a while before you can meet Mick's gaze. "So, that's where I'm at. How 'bout you?"

Mick folds his arms. "I'm not good at this feelings crap, but..." He sighs, then waves a hand around. "I feel the same. I think. 'm willing to give it a chance, anyway. Is that enough?"

"Yeah." You smile broadly. "Yeah, it is."

Mick shakes his head fondly - for him, at least - and then pulls you into another kiss.

#legends of tomorrow #steelwave #dctv secret santa #dctv secret santa 2018 #lot fic #mick rory #nate heywood

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yujachachacha · 6 years

Photo

(This post is related to a previous ask I received about seiyuu stalking here.)

I’m not sure why the asks arrived in my inbox out of order...was there actually supposed to be a fourth ask? If so, please feel free to send it in again, Anon. It looks like Tumblr might have eaten your ask;; (If you were attempting to send me a link BTW, that might be why it disappeared - try using my submit page instead.)

I’ve been kinda dead on the internet these days because I’ve been so busy with work, so I had no idea this was going on. Furthermore, I don’t have an Instagram account (I get snark from some of my friends for being “old” because of this) so I’m completely unaware of what goes on over there.

So, I’m really thankful that you brought this to my attention - if you have a Tumblr, feel free to PM me with further details so that I can investigate further. If not, you can just send me another ask and specify which parts I shouldn’t publish (or I’ll censor information as needed on my own). Obviously, people on Instagram won’t really be impacted by whatever I say on my blog, so maybe I should take this as a sign that I really should make an Instagram so that I can at least reach out to offenders like these...

At the very least, from what I can see above, I’ll give my answer. Your asks are worded kinda vaguely (which I assume is on purpose for the purposes of respecting the seiyuu’s privacy), but I assume you’re referring to the Aqours seiyuu. Let me know if that’s not the case.

I can already feel that this ask is going to make me rant a little bit, so let me start off with my short answer to your questions: Don’t worry, it’s not just you. Publishing these names is extremely disrespectful.

As for the long version of what I think about this matter: if you were following my blog around the end of September 2017 to the beginning of October 2017, you might have seen the war I had with an anon over the ethics of revealing a seiyuu’s real name.

It all started when I slipped up and mentioned that I knew a seiyuu’s real name when an anon asked about her background. After that, I got a handful of asks asking for her real name, and one particular anon got very toxic about the matter when I refused to answer. If you have the patience to read through miles of arguments between me and this anon, feel free to check it out - though, the entire thing was rather unpleasant so perhaps it’s best that you don’t.

Some of the stuff I said during that time, however, is very relevant to the current situation. I’ll jot down the two main points here:

1. Private information that has nothing to do with past activities should be off-limits.

Most of us seiyuu fans are hungry for as much information about the person we follow as possible, so it’s natural for us to be curious about other things they’ve done outside of LL. I’ve made my own fair share of posts about a certain seiyuu’s past activities under a different stage name. People may have mixed opinions about this - some may consider digging up any other name kind of disrespectful because they want to respect the fact that the seiyuu chose to be known under their current name, while others might think it’s “fair game” as long as they were publicly credited under that other stage name.

Legal names, on the other hand, have no merit in being shared. I am 10000% sure that among the Aqours seiyuu who are currently using a stage name, none of them have ever been credited for a major work (e.g. an anime, stage play, game, or radio show) under their legal name. Apart from the ethical issues of spreading this info, there is no practical reason why you should do it.

2. No one can stop you from digging up this information. However, that doesn’t mean you should go around spreading these personal details if you find them.

It’s true that we do get to see a lot from the personal blogs of the seiyuus and the little blips we get from Twitter, Instagram, and niconamas - and we should be thankful that we’re getting so much. These girls are voluntarily sharing a small part of their lives with us fans, and they have no obligation to continue doing so.

I touched upon this topic briefly in the seiyuu stalking ask, but I’ll say it again here: A true fan should be supportive of an idol, and always think of the idol’s happiness above all.

We’ve heard the seiyuu repeatedly emphasize that what makes them truly glad is seeing the fans enjoy their performances. The seiyuu work really hard to make sure they can make the fans happy - in return, we should cheer them on and value their happiness as well.

A part of that is making sure to respect their wishes when it comes to their personal lives. I’m no innocent soul here - I myself have gone and dug up some things about a seiyuu that the average fan likely isn’t aware of. However, I do know my limits. I won’t post anything that isn’t somehow related to getting to understand a seiyuu better or gaining some insight into how much they’ve grown over the years.

The only benefit I can honestly see in posting a seiyuu’s real name is receiving a lot of likes or retweets or whatever from curious fans. And if you did do that for the sake of attention - you should be fucking ashamed of yourself for being a terrible “fan” and putting your own selfishness ahead of your supposed favorite idol’s right to basic privacy.

The Aqours seiyuu are people just like you and me, so let’s try to treat them like, y’know, people - word-for-word, this is what I said last year on the matter. It’s just common decency to give people some space and let them keep some details of their life to themselves.

So now that I’ve gone over all of that - as a fan, what can you do about this?

The person likely made the post to get attention. Don’t encourage them by spreading the post around - instead, PM them or leave a comment on the post (do NOT reblog or retweet it; just reply) asking them to take it down. Be polite, but firm - hopefully, the poster just had a slip of judgment and didn’t think things through before making the post.

In short, you should (1) set a good example for others by behaving responsibly and (2) if you see someone acting out, try to explain that what they’re doing is wrong and discourage them from repeating that behavior.

Just like satrips, infringement of privacy is a huge issue in the idol fandom. As fans, we can’t police every single incident that pops up. However, what we can do is create an environment of positivity and inform others of the right thing to do. The LL community has shown us the power of crowdfunded efforts in beautiful moments such as the mass breaking of UOs for “Snow halation” live performances and the Yousoroad for “Koi ni Naritai AQUARIUM”. Let’s continue this trend and make sure that the LL fandom is one that we can be proud of.

#yujachask #anonymous #seiyuu #queuetie panther #People can die without achieving that knowledge they seek #(that's what i decided to tag the posts from the time of the anon war)#it was pretty hectic so i might have forgotten to tag some of the relevant posts #but at least all the main ones should be in there #sorry for not putting a cut in this long post #but i thought it was important to have it all out there :V

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redlance · 7 years

Note

How much planning has gone/goes into experimentation? like do you just kinda write and see where it takes you or do you plan out each chapter and several chapters in advance? Do you know how it will end? just vaguely or very specifically? I'd love to hear more about how you go about writing. I'm in love with experimentation! You should be so proud!

A little of column a, a little of column shitstorm. Which is to say that, nine times out of ten, whenever I start a chapter it's brand new. I haven't planned how it's going to start or bulletpoint-plotted every scene. So, in that sense, there's a lot of winging it going on. And that's largely because when I've tried to actually plot out chapters for fics in the past, it doesn't go well. I can't pre-render scenes because if I do, nothing feels organic. A linear plan makes me feel like I can't waiver from it, you know? If I work out exactly what's going to happen between a, b, c and d then, for me, there's no real creative process. That being said, I do have roughly ten pages of notes I've kept over the course of writing Experimentation. A lot of the stuff in there has been included already, but there are still plot points in there that I want to use. It could be a single line of dialogue I thought up in the middle of the night or a rough idea for a scene, but it's rarely a full... Piece? Like a whole jigsaw puzzle piece. It's not that. It's more like the rounded end and when it comes time to write, I fill in the rest of the piece and can slot it into the rest of the chapter. There are things I know for sure I what to have happen at certain points. In regard to chapter 36, I want Beca and Jesse to have a talk that's been in my notes as nothing but dialogue for... I don't even know how long. Months. There are a few little bits jotted down for Worlds, all things that'll be fleshed out. But sometimes my muse doesn't agree. A perfect example of this is that the Trebles Grad party from chapter 23/24, was SUPPOSED to start at chapter 19. But something sparked and distracted me, and suddenly there's a back rub happening and I've lost at least two chapters. So, things rarely go exactly as planned when I do plan things. Do I know how it will end? Yes. I actually have a chunk of the climax of the story already written out and it's been sitting in my notes for probably a year and a half. That's probably one of the few solid plot points I've stuck to. I'm a bit stubborn when it comes to the idea of changing anything about that ending, or the things that need to happen leading up to it. And then I have an idea for an epilogue that I think I have a little bit written down for but most of it is like a scene in my head. That's how a lot of my notes work actually. I'll see them play out in my head and then nab the key bits from them to write down. Then, when I go over my notes, I'm able to pull that scene back up and do my very best to write it as well as I see it. This was overly long and I babbled, but I hope some of it made sense and was at least a little interesting!

#ask #anon #experimentation

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inexchangeforyoursoul · 7 years

Text

It’s been another month, so it was high fuckin time to finish another chapter... seems like 1.2/month will become the average until completion, huh. Have 95% fluffy critter bullshit. AO3 fanfiction.net

Anyway, I just put the fragments and stuff I've yet to use in another file... it's 28 pages. The chapters from 11 to 20 are 49 pages, and the next chapter is only about halfway done. First 10 were 38 altogether. Um, lol...? (tfw you're verbose and start including the author's notes, too)

And even though I have the map of the Sunny open all the time I’m still not sure how some doors work or even exist,,,,,,,,,,,,, NotLikeThis

19. Garchu~ (aka Hug Trilogy, pt 1)

Kat sits up fresh and ready on this extra bright Wednesday. She's a bit early, the girls are still sleeping or at least lying about. Nestling a bit, she goes cross legged and leans back against the wall.

Today she saw a dream that was... nice, overall. Even had the little surreal touches she knows from her usual ones. First is a vague memory of sitting in class at school... then she was with the man again. The one with the cloak. If it was indeed the same guy, at least; there were heaps of soft, pretty black feathers everywhere, actually. The town she was in made a nice backdrop, being almost snow white. This time she could also see what he looked like beyond being incredibly tall, too: he had fluffy, blonde hair, eyes that had a similar color to Law's, and either some makeup or tattoos on his face. Looked quite peculiar for sure; maybe it's the sheer height and the weird coat choice, but for the brief moment upon arrival, when he had sunglasses on, he reminded her vaguely of that one Shichibukai guy. Well... ex-Shichibukai. Uh... yeah, Doflamingo. Anyway, that aside, she also recalls him wearing an odd hat, and shirt with a pattern... at first it was flowers, but it changed very soon, and they turned into petals, maybe... no, hearts, yes, that's it! And there was smoke coming from under the coat all the time... An odd fellow, but he looked friendly enough.

At some point, a little girl joined; the three of them played in the white sand that the town was suddenly made of. A lot of buildings collapsed as time went by, and children, probably those from the school as most of them were wearing a uniform, joined them. Later came two other people, likely a couple, to take both her and the little girl 'home.' Something about the woman was eerily familiar... but only when she smiled. That surprised her into remembering the scene fairly well. Actually... that's kind of what her own smile looks like. And her actual mother's. No wonder she just accepted being their kid, huh. Oh, and the other, she could swear looked like Law in a lab coat. Except not... no matter how hard she tries to recall details now, she can't remember any face past the blonde man's.

It all ended as they entered the gates to somewhere and this guy smiled in a rather creepy way. She gets the feeling that she's seen that grin before, to be honest. Thinking about it, those gates, too... she's definitely seen that entrance before. Yes, it seemed to be the very same place as the first nightmare, but now that she's gotten a better, well, 'look' at it and what lay beyond...

She scratches away at her not-quite-existent beard; where else could she know it from?

After some consideration, she grabs her bag from beyond the wardrobe and pulls out some paper, her sketching board and a pencil to throw some rough doodles down so she can remember it all later. Because, honestly? She's getting suspicious of these dreams. There's too much... consistency, and the only other kinds of dreams she can vaguely recall also feel foreign or refer to the past few days only. This has been going on since inhabiting this body, and she's inclined to make some assumptions here. Will have to talk this over with Law.

Especially important for now are that gate... and the face of this man; she tries to nail a few features of latter first. The third doodle has the jawline and hair style in place, then she adds some sketchy feathers and a shirt. Having lost a lot of small details to oblivion already, she just jots down the vague position of blue and red spots that were remarkable. Now, as for the structure... a few arbitrary lines, and she's got the basics of both the wall and the gate. It all looks pretty simple, and she's never seen it in person, yet... it's so, so familiar. It's the feeling of having the name of something on the tip of your tongue... except there is no name you can think of. You just know what you know.

“What are you drawing with such a serious expression, Kat?” she can hear Carrot's voice next to her all of a sudden. She must have been watching for a bit.

“Oh, morning... I've had a dream and am trying to make myself remember the stuff,” she replies, getting over the surprise, then turns back to the sketches. “Been a while since I last did this, but I've had some recurring stuff in the past days, so...”

“I envy you,” the girl mumbles, pouting. “I never remember a thing even when it was interesting, and when I do, it's something mundane like taking a walk or training. Although...” Her face saddens a bit; “I get to spend time with people I will never see again, too, I guess.”

“...” Okay, this got depressing fast. “... you okay?”

She stretches out her arms; “Yeah, sorry.”

“If you need a hug or something, just ask.”

The mink's ears shoot skyward. “Hug?”

“You're free to decline. Just saying in case you'll ever want onh---”

“I'm always ready for hugs!! Garchuuu~”

Okay, she's confirmed to be a hugger, Kat thinks to herself as the mink mushes her face against hers while squeezing all the air out of her. Which is kind of great, because she, too, loves hugs; noone's ever been this excited over one, though. Then again she's on the receiving end... and is lowkey infamous for her bear hugs, which people apparently don't like.

“You two sure are lively today,” she can hear Nami yawning in bed, turning to her other side. Five more minutes, please.

“Sorry~” Kat whispers with her leftover breath before being released. This is followed by some back-stretching, and -popping on her side, which feels beyond great after all these days where she just couldn't get Law's joints do the thing. Like, at all. Only his wrists would budge from time to time.

“Gee, you sure are strong... What's garchu supposed to be, by the way?” she asks once her oxygen supplies have been restocked.

Carrot's entire body is nearly vibrating... she's hyped and ready to pounce at the first thing she has to. That hug surely kicked off her day- she's trying to focus that energy into formulating a decent sentence now. “Of course I am! And 'garchu' is, like... it's more of a sound, literally speaking. But it's when you are being cuddly, kind of.” Her nose twitches and she scratches her head. “Which is very often. Iiit's... a mink thing.”

“I can get behind that philosophy,” Kat chuckles, crawling out of the cotton sea at last, and stuffs her things back into the bag where they came from. “Let's pull ourselves together to let the others do the same in peace, shall we.”

The rabbit girl nods, hopping to the wardrobe to get the sweatshirt she's been wearing on and off as it started to get colder. Must be just that range outside when she needs it in one minute, then gets too hot in the next.

As for Kat, -apart from being cold with the tee and all,- she's out with a bit more luggage than usual; if nothing else, noticing the drawing supplies might remind her of this shady dream business. Also, she's in a cuddly mood, and for better or worse she's already comfortable enough in this environment to give out some surprise hugs. Since she's also not one to hold back and Law's body is at least ten times stronger than hers... rest in pieces, mortals.

Her first victim was Usopp right outside, who's been kinda suspicious of her scheme to begin with... and found he was right in doing that. Didn't break anything, or even hurt him, really, but did scare the shit out of him for sure. All of his joints popped at once, making quite a racket, and he made a sound akin to a squeaky toy upon being crushed. And lifted, as is her standard for anyone she can do that with, and boy are her limitations near nonexistent right now. Then came Luffy, who was all for the deal despite his bestie's warnings. He was rather unfazed, but what does one expect from him anyway.

Right before she left for the submarine, the girls have also met their comeuppance; Robin took it like a champ, as did Carrot who was ready for seconds, this time as the recipient. Witnessing her massacre, Nami only agreed to a normal hug; this meant an extra tender one, as Kat only knows extremes in this matter. Realizing there are options, Usopp also insisted on not getting the anaconda treatment in the future.

Needless to say, she was in a great mood when arriving to Law. While her bounciness was a bit too much for his comfort, he only gave her a few suspicious looks when walking out and into the room. Speaking of which, the frequency of his (more than likely) toilet visits has declined. Which is good, for him and her body at least. Kat also noticed that he was rather underdressed whilst in his room and had a sweater ready for whenever he left for the surface; sometimes he'd come back with a glass of water or beer, too. Learned from the initial folly, didn't he... even at the price of more pressing reasons to go to the loo. The efforts put a smile on her face when she first realized- he took better care of that body than her, really. Either way, as she stayed halfway on-task this morning, he didn't really say anything between her arrival and lunch break. Though he was definitely scarcer with words than usual... hm. Noted.

Once having fished out another hoodie (where the hell did Law leave the one from yesterday...?) and being back on the Thousand Sunny for some grub, she also gives a not-too-bone crushing hug to Chopper. Strong little fella or not, she's afraid of hurting him in that tiny form of his. As she's putting him down, she notices Luffy and Carrot staring really intensely... volunteering for another round, aren't they.

As soon as she garchu'd the heck out of them, she also notices Sanji standing in the same spot... he's a follower of the same staring technique, apparently. After half a second of consideration, he also gets a crusher hug. Which earns a... 'reaction' with a side of nosebleed, and, uh...

“... I think he got a rib fracture,” Chopper sighs with exasperation, mild worry, and vague pity. The man is flung over the enlarged reindeer's shoulder as he's being taken to the infirmary for some painkiller and a quick patch-up. Luffy mutters a duck-faced 'Sanji's stupid.'

… oops...? Didn't even get to apologize... Somehow, this seems to be a common problem, though, so at least she doesn't feel that bad about it. Either way, Sanji seems to be accommodating to her frolicking around in this 'new' body. Will have to see how bad this piece of news is.

Kat looks over to her plates of vegetable soup, rice and pork chops. Eating this would feel weird now that she incapacitated the cook. But, she really needs to eat while this training lasts, and is also hungry because of it, so...

“... you still sulking about that, or...?” Carrot mumbles between two bites of a big representative of her namesake she has for dessert as Kat's fiddling with her leftovers in the doorway.

“... yeah.”

“It really is not that big of a deal, you know... Sanji gets to be under Bropper's care over much stupider stuff all the time.” She heard that at one point he almost died over a single nosebleed because he got hugged or something like that... she needs to control herself for a sec here, or else chuckling gets her to join the infirmary team for choking on her lunch.

“I've had the feeling, but... can't really punch my brain for making me feel like this, can I.” Beating up her feelings in fisticuffs would be a really useful ability to have, no lie. She'd probably lose a lot, though.

Carrot hums through a mouthful. “Zat's druu.”

Taking a look outside through the door window, Kat can see the sun shining really bright; she takes one last bite before giving up on the remaining morsels of her food, then makes her way out. As they are the last ones in the kitchen and she prefers to have some company, Carrot follows her.

Today's weather is really nice compared to the last few days. Kat enjoys the warmth with closed eyes, as does her mink companion, nibbling away at the leaves of her carrot. A second later, Chopper comes hoppling down the stairs.

“Oh, you're already done?” Kat is a little surprised, it's been fifteen minutes tops, after all- and he wasn't even coming from the room where she also got patched up a week ago. Everyone is working at light speed here... “Is he, um, alright...?”

“Yep, Sanji's fine,” he in forms her with a sigh; “I did prescribe him a good dose of 'keep out' as far as you and your hugs are concerned, though.”

“Sorry for the trouble, Chopper... I really didn't think I could break bones after all the people who survived without a scratch,” she muses shamefully while sitting down at the top of the staircase.

“Oh, it's fine,” he waves a hoof. “It's one of the things I'm here for, after all.” Household accidents tend to just happen. Especially over here. “Though I don't really understand how it happened, either.”

“I kind of get your confusion... I went easy on you, after all,” the confesses, leaning on her arms.

“Eh? Why that?” he pouts after the initial surprise, putting his hooves on his waist.

She returns the pouty expression; “Because you are small and I don't want to break you?”

“You could just ask me to turn big, you know?” He states with the bother already gone, then lifts his arms skyward. “I'm a pirate, I can take a beating! Hugs are no match for me!”

“Are they?” Kat asks, also lifting her arms.

“One way to find out!” With that, Chopper's already going for it, clinging to her neck.

She lies down dramatically with fake momentum as she's returning the gesture. “Oh no, how vicious...! How could I ever think that I stood a chance?!” The small doctor starts laughing.

“Oh my god, you guys,” Carrot chortles, then starts coughing- the last bits of those leaves did manage to go astray.

“... Kat... you can release me now,” the reindeer voices his opinion after a minute. “You're as cuddly as a mink, really.”

“Why, are you not one?” she asks, lifting him over her.

“Nope, I'm just a regular reindeer,” he informs the girl. “I can talk and stuff because of the Human Human Fruit.”

She blinks. “.... don't laugh... but I thought you were a mink who happened to eat the corresponding Ox-Ox model of all things...”

Chopper does break out in laughter again; calming down a bit, he nods; “Makes sense!” Kat sighs with a smile and crawls up from the floor, putting him down.

Getting over her own little crisis for good, Carrot chimes in: “There wouldn't be much of a difference, would there...”

'None at all,' is what Kat thinks to herself standing up. She can hear some voices approach while doing so; after short eavesdropping it's obviously Bepo and the Romeos. She's only seen them on board of the Sunny once before, though, so if they really are coming over, it's a little out of the ordinary.

“Look at that, we didn't even have to look for him,” Penguin says to himself as the other two become visible as well. He waves as he walks closer to them. “Hey there, girls and little guy!”

“Hi! What's the occasion?” she asks wondering as she goes down the stairs. Chopper follows her.

“We're actually here to ask our fellow doc whether he needs some supplies restocked since we're going shopping in a bit... plus, I'd also be interested in a book I've seen, if it's no bother,” he adds, looking over to Chopper.

“Why'd you have to wake me, though?” Bepo complains, rubbing an eye. He's been having such a nice nap in this weather, too...

“Because we could,” Shachi smiles to himself, then continues while Bepo groans an indignant 'that's mean!!'; “And we'll need help to carry stuff anyway, chill.”

“Actually,” Chopper starts as him an Kat reach the lawn, “apart from some food, we already bought everything last week. Sanji wants to deal with that tomorrow, if you want to wait that long.”

Shachi steps closer as Penguin lets out a thoughtful hum; “Nah, we'll pass, food is not our department. You can ask Fugu about that, but he's got this bug to go out for fresh stuff every day until we gotta stock up for departure.”

Meanwhile Bepo plods closer to the shore, listening to the faded noises of the fair from the dozen rusty and mostly closed-off storehouse's distance. The place has gotten a bit noisier compared to yesterday; as it happens, this was something that won't stop escalating until Saturday night.

“I see... well, which book are you interested in?” He put every single medical book he could find into one place the other day, so finding it shouldn't be an issue.

As Penguin is giving a description of a blue-bound tome concerning the nervous system, Shachi turns to Kat. “Were you guys telling jokes or something earlier? We could hear little Bropper having a blast from a mile away.”

“Kat's giving out hugs by the dozen,” Carrot informs him with a sudden glint in the eye, distracting Penguin and Chopper, too. The girl's ears are not just for show, are they?

Carrot, why… actually, she can work with this. “... yeah, today I'm super cuddly. Do you guys want one?” she asks with the sweetest smile. Even the boys can tell that her expression is just a wee bit too intense and scary for this offer to be any good. But by god, if she doesn't get her revenge now, it's never.

From a bit further behind the mink, Usopp's shout to attest their doubts can be heard: “No, you don't!!”

After weighing the options of funny and resulting work here, Chopper decides to talk them out of this endeavor, too. “... Usopp's right. She just sent Sanji to the sick-bay with fractured ribs.” There were two affected.

Catching that, the sniper's head pops up from behind the railing one floor above them. “No way?! You're lying!”

“I'M NOT LYING!” Chopper turns, screaming back at him.

“Guys, you are no fun,” Carrot pouts. She wanted to see this, man.

“... something tells me... we dodged a bullet, here,” Penguin mumbles under his breath. She broke Sanji... that tanky motherfucker Sanji.

While the others are having their banter, Kat zeroes in onto Bepo sniffling the sweet air that wafts from port, then walks up to him. As he notices her, he utters a little nervous 'ai?'. She spreads her arms.

“Garchu?”

She needs to react quick, as Bepo is already, well, incoming a split second of excited shock later. She's prepared for the worst, but to her surprise? There's no falling over now that she's prepared, in fact, she barely budges. Judging by gravity and the sheer weight, though... she's straight-out carrying him. She can lift a bear. Holy shit. Meanwhile Carrot notices the development and snorts really hard.

“Jesus Christ, what are you guys feeding Law with!?” Kat asks, waltzing backwards to the group with the, uh, baby still in her arms. Everyone seems to be quite amused by the scene; as Shachi starts coughing to hide his near-laughter, she puts the mink down at last.

“You know no fear, do you?” Penguin asks with a bright smile. “There's not a lot you can do when metric tons of marshmallow come at you like that...”

“... I guess I don't,” she muses after a some consideration. The only thing she can think of is her mild fear of heights, snakes, and (specifically flying) wasps that she can plough through after the initial scare or wooziness... and shit like burning to death and drowning would be unnecessarily painful, so she'd rather not go like that. As if she'd have a choice in the matter if that happens, anyway; but there's no point in worrying about that and it's not really fear fear unless you think about it a lot... is it? She doesn't really think about things she cannot change. She's rather at peace with them, though in some cases she probably shouldn't be.

Bepo yawns and mumbles an 'I'm going back to sleep.' Without further hesitation he's already nestling down in a nice corner behind the stairs.

“I see you are amusing yourselves,” Robin notes as she walks out of the kitchen with an empty watering can. Usopp seems to be a little confused for a sec, she must have been up there with him in the garden a minute ago. “Sanji is brewing some coffee, would any of you like some?”

“... actually, I do, too,” says Kat, joining the other raised hands. She can feel her power hugging taking quite a bit out of her... this is not going to last for much longer. And while she's at it, she might as well drink it out here, and maybe, just because she saw Law doing it often... use Bepo as a fluffy thing to lean onto.

#KMKY #opfanfic #this is still the thing where Law swapped bodies with a gal #about 4k words for this one #Kate writes

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shanastoryteller · 7 years

Note

how do you actually sit down and write stuff? I want to write stories, i want to be able to craft words, to be able to merge them with my pictures(which is my actual main focus, im an artist first), i want to be able to get my characters across the way you and others of my favorite writers do, but i dont know how to start. the generic advice is just do it, just start writing, practice it. but i dont know how to do that, i dont know how anybody can. i'm either constantly getting bogged (cont)

bogged down in the details, or unable to find the rightwords for how i imagine said details, sometimes because it's always changing,and i cant get them out right consistently. and i dont know how to practicethat, i dont know how to practice writing anything. i love finding words but ifeel like i use the specific ones too often, or otherwise im always resortingto metaphors that usually only make sense to me. (2/3)

im sorry if this is all kinda rambling and unclear. at thispoint, several minutes into thinking about what to say, and being unable tolook at what i already sent, im kinda unsure exactly what my question is beyond"how do you do it, and do it so well?" which is something difficultto answer with anything beyond the generic. it's too broad. thanks for, iguess, listening to me vent. i'd like to hear your thoughts, if there'sanything. you can ignore these though. (3/3)

hi! so i’m answering this publicly because this ended upbeing kinda long and i’ve gotten some similar asks before, and my answer isalmost always ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ because i honestlyjust have no idea what i’m doing 100% of the time

so the thing is, my answer is just likeeverybody’s answer, and equally unhelpful: you have to just write. and you haveto write a lot.

i think something that people get bogged downwith when they try anything new is that they just aren’t good at it, and theyknow the level of good they want to be but since they can’t replicate it immediatelythey get frustrated and disheartened and stop. you’re an artist, so think aboutwhen you started drawing or painting or whathaveyou – you were probably prettycrap at it for a really long time.because with things like art and music and writing, there’s a horrendously bigspace between where we’re all kind of terrible before we get the hang of it.full disclosure: there’s a lot of time i’m convinced i’m still in the awfulstage of writing, and hoping if i just write enough i’ll get over it one day.

not to be a cliché, but i really do think that ernest hemingwaysaid it best: we are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes amaster.

so don’t stay upset when things don’t come out how you wantthem too. almost nothing i write comes out how i want it to. when i posted myfma fic ‘know the difference’ where i made the main characters angels i wastotally convinced that nothing i’d tried to say had come across right and i’djust spent 9k sounded long winded and stuffy. i literally almost just deletedthe whole thing because it wasn’t where i wanted it to be, but i couldn’tfigure out how to get it there and i was so upsetand frustrated.

but i posted it anyway because hey, it was words that i hadwritten, might as well – and a lot people liked it! so there’s that.

this is all vague and pep-talky, so here’s some actual realadvice:

1. you don’t have to writeprose! i spent a long time before i started writing prose just doing poetry.really, horribly bad poetry, but poetry is good when you just have this onespecific thing you want to say. some people will say poetry is easier. that’slike saying it’s easier to build a boat inside a bottle with tweezers. sure, it’ssmaller with less stuff, but is ittruly easier? no.

2. you don’t have to write full stories! just write thescenes that matter to you, write your beginning and ending and say fuck it tothe middle. write random things that don’t matter, jot down scenes andcharacters doing mundane things like buying coffee, or doing something likehiding a body or being transported to the moon or having a swordfight. it doesn’tmatter if it doesn’t make sense.

3. write things that you’re excited about. if you’re not having fun, if you’re not enjoyingwhen you write, it will show. and also, what’s the point? don’t worry aboutsounding serious or smart or important. who cares about any of that crap, it’sboring. write things that make you happy. write about a magical princess on themoon, about your favorite characters finding happiness, write soulmate aus andmermaids who control the sea and imperfect people finding perfect love. life isshort. the things that you enjoy writing are the best things to write about.period, end of discussion.

4. one of the longest pieces i wrote in the beginning thatreally helped me get a handle on writing was awful. it was about vampires and werewolves and a magical people calledan ‘ambivalence’, with ancient Egyptian priestesses thrown in for good measureand a god for every zodiac sign meddling in everything. seriously, writewhatever you want. but something i did for this is i just wrote all the scenesi cared about in a row, and then i went back and wrote all the connecting bitslater. fun stuff first. everything else later. i don’t write like that anymore,and actually it would probably drive me crazy if i tried. but it was reallyuseful before i figured out how to have the patience to write everything inorder.

5. so i know everyone has really mixed emotions about elmoreleonard and his ten rules of writing, and i think a lot of them are worthless,but he gave me the most import writing advice i’ve ever received: leave out the parts that people skip. iknow my writing is kinda off from a lot of other people, because i don’t spend alot of time explaining stuff and going through all these scenes showing howthings happen, like what i should do logically, because if something isimportant it should be shown. but sometimes important things are boring and canjust be referenced later. and i know there are people who wish i didn’t writethis way, but i just get too impatient and it starts to seem boring to me, so ijust … don’t do it. i trust that my readers are smart enough to keep up andknow what’s going on without me having to explain it all, and that seems to beworking? so if you’re writing a scene and its seems boring an unnecessary,chances are it is and you can skip it. if you don’t want to write it peopleprobably won’t want to read it.

6. i know this isn’t what anyone who’s just getting intowriting wants to hear, but i really think you need to write at least a half millionwords before you’re a good writer, ithink it takes about that many before you get the hang of it and it starts cominga little naturally to you. to put that in perspective, that’s 50k ten times,aka the equivalent doing national novel writing months ten times. i think atthat point you’ll start to beginfiguring it out. and also, i just don’t know if there ever comes a point whereyou’re 100% satisfied with your writing. if there is, i certainly haven’tgotten there.

but really, truly, honest to god, the only writing advice thatmatters is do whatever the fuck you want.

don’t worry if it seems like crap. don’t worry if it seemssilly, if it’s incomplete, if it’s haiku or a just some scenes, if the words aren’tperfect or you devolve just into a series of metaphors. if you’re writing, it’sgood. the end.

#asks #anon #writing #writing advice #do you know you're a real writer when you start giving the same advice you recieved and went 'this isn't helpful????' to other people #i'm sorry #i hope this is kinda a little bit helpful maybe???#haru-no-hikaru

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atemusluckygal-fanfiction · 7 years

Note

8: favorite genre to write, 19: when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.? 20: do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

Woo round 2!

8) Favorite genre to write: Honestly? I enjoy writing humor the most. I know, totally contradictory to Vices. But 90% of my tv consumption is sitcom, so that’s probably why. I kinda want to write more humorous pieces (like In a Boy’s Body) after Vices is done.

19) When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, etc.?: To tell you the truth, I usually don’t write very long, complex narratives. “Vices” is challenging me in that regard, as it is the longest story with the most depth I’ve conceived, so I’m still learning how to do it. And it’s not anywhere near the most complex fiction ever made, so there’s actually not too much stuff to keep track of. So, my answer might not be very helpful or satisfying =/

Re: outline–while I have a general idea of how I want the story to go, I keep everything simple and vague. I’ve learned not to get too “married” to what is first put down on paper, because it almost always ends up different (better) on the other side. Most of the time you don’t even know what’s rattling around in your brain until you start the process, and let it develop. Sometimes I’ll update the outline (or make a new one) when more details are added to the actual story.

For characters (at least OCs, since I almost exclusively write fanfiction) I usually have somewhat of a character profile for them, and I tend to overdevelop them on purpose; I have more details on them than I will ever need, and as a result they show themselves through the character in small ways (mannerisms, quirks, etc.) without being explained outright. The problem with OCs is that authors tend to write them like bots–characters with a singular purpose (Mary Sues count) who expire when their roles are fulfilled. I like all my characters, fanon or not, to be complex human beings, someone you feel can be a real person, no matter how major or minor a part they play. In a way, I’m playing actor as well as author. It’s easier to “keep track” of them when, to you, they’re real people.

Development/timeline: To be honest, a lot of stuff happens by accident! Like I said, you don’t really know what you’ve got until you get the basics down on paper. I have basic ideas of where I want my characters/plot to be at a certain point, and the development is for the drawing board. Development is pretty dependent on pacing, and that is dependent on how long or complex you want the story to be, i.e. the longer the story, the more restraint you have to use on development so the peak isn’t reached too early. As I come up with new ideas, I just keep updating, and referring back to previous chapters to check for continuity. For timeline: I keep in mind how urgent the situation is, in order to keep suspense, and control timing appropriately. For time skips, I make sure there’s enough present information that lets readers extrapolate for the skipped time. I leave clues in the narration about how fast time is passing not only for the readers, but for myself as well. Some authors actually keep track of their timeline via calendar/yWriter but I’ve been mostly fine without it. I’m a selective obsessor XD

(sorry–like I said, I’m a noob at longer narratives)

20) Do you write in long sit-down sessions or little spurts? Whatever I have time for, honestly. And it also depends on what’s cookin’ in my brain. If I have time but not a lot of inspiration, I’ll write a little bit and read a book, write some music or watch tv, maybe come back to it, maybe not. If I have little time but a LOT of inspo, I’ll jot down whatever I have time for and then later develop it, usually by staying up late. If I have lots of inspo and a lot of time… well… I pretty much vanish from the world for a while. There’s never a clear pattern, and ideas/inspiration isn’t something you can just schedule an appointment for XD

Thanks for the ask!

xo ALG

#atemusluckygal-fanfiction answers

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andreaphobia · 7 years

Text

fic: love is just another game for two. (SHINO & YAMAGI)

Characters: Shino/Yamagi, Eugene, Mikazuki, Akihiro, Orga

Fandom: Mobile Suit Gundam IRON-BLOODED ORPHANS

Wordcount: ~4500

Summary: Shino gets hooked on an MMO, and one day he meets a mage who may or may not be the cute guy from the dining hall.

Notes:

For @skyfireflies, who got me to watch this show in the first place. Also, my first Gundams ever! Hooray!

Also on AO3, if you prefer.

So when Shino comes slouching into class on Monday morning, puffy-eyed and bleary, Eugene doesn't even need to ask why—but that doesn’t mean he’s happy about it, either.

“I'm gonna give Orga a piece of my mind,” he mutters, as Shino collapses heavily into the seat next to him.

“Ah?” Shino yawns, scratching an unkempt chin. “Why’s that?”

“Because he got you into that damn game, that’s why! And now you’re up all night playing it, you fall asleep in lecture and then you beg for my notes, and I’m telling you now, if you want me to be your private tutor, you better start coughing up cold hard cash for the privilege, 'cause it don’t come free.”

“Oh, come on,” Shino says, grinning apologetically. “You’re being dramatic. I don’t play half as much as Mika, anyway.” Which was true; Mika had hit level cap weeks ago, and God only knew what he kept himself busy with to while he was waiting for everyone else to catch up.

(To be fair, Eugene knew this because he was also playing Art of War Online—but at least he had some self control.)

“Besides, I wasn’t up late last night just playing. I was talking to someone.”

Suspicious, Eugene narrows his eyes. “In game, you mean?”

“Well... yeah.” Shino grins again. “They were nice. Real friendly-like.”

To this, Eugene can only put his face in his hands. “I can’t believe you’re even trying to pick up girls in a video game.”

“Hey, I don’t appreciate that! I think we had a real connection, you know?” Shino seems to reflect on this for a moment. “Besides, I don’t even know if it was a girl. Their character was a guy, at least.”

“Dude, they’re probably more likely to be a guy if they have a female avatar,” Eugene scoffs. “Do you know anything about online games?”

“Guess not,” Shino says cheerfully, “but at least I'm making friends!”

Eugene is about to retort when the professor comes bumbling into the room, hitting the pause button on their conversation, and soon Shino is out like a light, snoring gently with his head lolling on his seat back. He rouses himself occasionally, just long enough to jot down a couple of formulas or a tidbit of knowledge, before passing out again, and proceeds in this fashion until the bell rings at the end of the period.

As Eugene tucks his books and notes away, Shino stretches, smacking his lips noisily and giving his head a little shake. He crams his stuff unceremoniously into his backpack, and beams at Eugene.

“Up for lunch?”

Eugene grins at him. “Yeah, if it’s on you.”

“Tightass,” Shino grumbles. He pulls out his wallet and peers into it as if that proves something, but Eugene only rolls his eyes; since meals at the dormitory dining hall are paid for on a point system, he’s not feeling much sympathy.

“Nah,” he says, as he follows Shino out of the lecture hall. “I’m just resourceful, that’s all.”

At the dining hall, Shino picks up a plate of three eggs, four sausages, and a steaming great heap of baked beans. Eugene, sensible as usual, has a complete meal from the Chinese food stall; rice, chicken, some wilted vegetables on the side. Healthy, Shino thinks—unless you’re trying to bulk up, in which case he’d consider it anemic, plain and simple.

“You sure you don’t want some more protein with that meal?” Eugene says mildly, glancing at Shino’s breakfast-themed abomination as they pay for their food. (In exchange for access to Eugene’s notes, Shino is bankrolling the entire meal with his point card.)

“Eh.” Immune to sarcasm, Shino glances down at his overloaded plate. “I think this’ll tide me over till dinner.”

They pass through the checkout line together, heading out into the hall proper. Scanning over the crowd of heads parked at various tables, Eugene spots who he’s looking for.

“Hey, Orga and the others are over there.”

Unfortunately for him, Shino’s not listening. Halfway through trying to figure out where the group Eugene mentioned is sitting, he gets distracted by the sight of something that’s very high on the short list of things that he finds interesting at the moment.

“Ohhh, is that Art of War Online?”

The blonde boy Shino’s addressing stops dead, fork halfway to his mouth. He’s wearing a look reminiscent of a caged animal. In front of him is a tablet, resting on a stand and playing what looks like someone’s live stream of a game.

“It is, isn’t it?” Shino says proudly. (He knows something about that now, after all.) “It’s fun, huh?”

“Um,” the boy says, immediately going red. He looks vaguely familiar; Shino thinks he must have seen him around the dorms, once or twice. The most striking thing about him is the length of his bangs. Shino wonders how he can see through that curtain of hair. (Nice eyes, though.)

He’s just on the verge of following that interesting chain of thought wherever it may lead when Eugene pops up, having finally noticed that he’s wandered astray. “You’re bugging strangers about that damn game now? Give it a rest.” He nods to the boy. “Sorry. Don’t mind my friend, he’s a frickin’ dumbass.“

“We should play together sometime,” Shino says brightly, as Eugene starts dragging him away. The boy does not respond; he’s staring intently at his hands resting in his lap, bright red all the way to the backs of his ears. Kinda cute, actually.

Once they’re out of earshot of the kid, Eugene finally releases his arm and lets him walk on his own.

“‘samatter with you? Don’t bother people when they’re eating.”

Shino beams. “I’m just making friends!”

“You didn’t even ask for his name.”

“Oh, you’re right!” He’s about to turn back and ask when Eugene seizes his arm again, with an exasperated grin.

“I don’t think so.” He steers Shino firmly over to the table where Orga, Mika, and Akihiro are already seated, and strong-arms him into a chair. “Give the poor guy a break.”

“Okay, okay.” Shino laughs, putting his hands up in surrender.

Akihiro’s looking between the two of them with interest. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, you know...” Eugene mutters, plopping down into his own chair. “Just Shino things.”

Mika, who barely seemed to have noticed they’d arrived, finally looks up from his plate. Mouth full of food and still chewing, he asks, “So, when are you guys getting to 60? It’s boring being the only one.”

At the end of the day, after class and several abortive attempts to do homework, Shino gives in to the siren call and logs on to the game. (Another good thing: Eugene is out doing honor society crap, so he’s not around to give Shino any grief about this.)

It’s gratifying to hear the loading screen music, but it still takes way too long for him to get into the game; he’s got to look into getting something better than a potato to play it on.

The first thing he does when he finally loads in is check his friends list to see who’s around. Akihiro’s online, but currently in a dungeon, according to his status; Shino kindly decides not to bother him. Mika, surprisingly, is not—then again, it’s almost dinner time, so maybe not that surprising after all. The only thing that boy loves as much as dominating everyone at video games is eating.

And then there’s—Shino’s stomach does a weird little flip when he sees this—his new friend, in an area pretty near him. Which makes sense, since they were just playing together the night before, but is also really convenient.

He’s just wondering how desperate it would seem to message the guy when the problem is solved for him. A whisper appears in his chat box, followed by a party invitation.

<Newt> Want to party up? <shinon> yeah!

There’s a little bit of logistical back-and-forth after he accepts the invite, but eventually they decide to meet up at Goldshire, and venture out from there. Even though they’d had a time of it last night, Shino’s still surprised by how easy the conversation flows; this guy—or girl—is really easy to get along with. (Let’s say guy for now, Shino decides, going by the avatar; if only to make his internal monologue less confusing to himself.)

It shouldn’t surprise him they get along, though, considering the circumstances of their meeting. He’d been neck-deep in kobolds at the bottom of Fargodeep mine and was mentally steeling himself for his demise when this mage just appeared out of nowhere, saving his ass with a couple of well-timed fireballs. But then all the heat was on the mage, and just as he was about to be overwhelmed, Shino got ‘em back with some good ol’ healing holy light. And you know, maybe this is just Shino being sentimental, but personally he thinks it’s hard to save each other’s butts at the bottom of a cave and not become friends. That kind of thing is a real bonding experience!

So anyway, they get to questing together, and everything’s going smoothly—as much as it can, anyway, considering he’s only been playing for a few weeks and is still learning the ropes, leading to occasional disasters like pulling way too many monsters at the same time, then proceeding to fall off a cliff in the process of trying to escape them. But Newt’s real patient with him; in fact—and Shino hopes he can be forgiven for thinking this, but—he's acting kind of... cute. Lots of jumping around, throwing up a little music note emote every time they kill something. Even through a video game, the cheer is infectious.

<shinon> u seem like ur in a good mood :)

The mage stops prancing around long enough to reply,

<Newt> yeah, kinda, actually! Something awesome happened to me today!

Shino smiles at his screen, and then, quite laboriously, types back.

<shinon> wanna tell me abt it?

Art of War doesn’t have a particularly good emote system, yet Shino is amazed by the expressiveness of what happens next. The mage turns abruptly to look at his character, and then steps back and forth a few times, making movements that Shino can only describe as fidgeting.

<Newt> OK, but... promise you won’t laugh? <shinon> dont worry, i can barely type ‘lol’ <Newt> ;) <Newt> OK, so... I know this is gonna sound really silly, but... the guy I like talked to me today!!

Shino’s eyes immediately fixate on that line.

“The guy you like, huh...?” he muses. (It’s too bad Eugene isn’t there, ‘cause he’d be interested to know how this affects the odds on Newt’s true identity.)

Oblivious to whatever Shino might be thinking, Newt is standing stock still, busy typing up a storm.

<Newt> I was just sitting by myself watching someone’s stream when he came up and started talking to me about Art of War! And OK, I think I must have looked really dumb because I couldn’t say anything back to him, but ahhh he’s just so nice!! <Newt> He probably doesn’t even remember this but there was this one time some guys were bothering me in the street outside my dorm and he and his friends scared them off, and he just looked SO COOL!

Shino reads through this small wall of text, and actually his first thought is, well, sounds like a friendly chap!

His second thought is, Hmmm.

Come to think of it, he had thought the boy at the dining hall looked familiar. And yes, he vaguely recalls now a time when Mika and Akihiro and him were coming back from the gym late at night, found some kid getting pushed around by jerks and scared ‘em off... but... could it be?

While he’s busy digesting all of this, Newt appears to take his silence the wrong way.

<Newt> Omg, I’m sorry, I’m just babbling on and on, this is probably boring you... <shinon> na, i was just thinking that sounds rly sweet <shinon> so, r u going to ask him out?

Newt, the character, starts fidgeting again. So cute, Shino thinks.

<Newt> No, I couldn’t possibly... I’m too shy... <Newt> But maybe someday <shinon> u know what they say <shinon> u miss 100 % of the shots u dont take <Newt> Thanks ;) <Newt> crap, my roommate wants to get dinner, I g2g. Can you get back to town by yourself? <shinon> no sweat buddy <shinon> cu l8r <Newt> See you!

With Newt gone, Shino leans back in his chair and stares at the ceiling.

Well... shit.

Whatever Eugene had been expecting on his return to their shared dorm room, it certainly wasn’t this.

“So,” he says, once Shino has finished talking and gesticulating wildly. “Let me get this straight. You think that that kid you were accosting in the dining hall the other day, and your new virtual-reality best friend, are the same person?”

He’s skeptical, and who can blame him? Not that this puts a damper on Shino's enthusiasm; if anything it only seems to encourage him.

“Yeah, pretty much,” he says brightly. “Why?”

Eugene squints at him.

“This is just an excuse for you to bother that kid more, isn’t it?”

“No!” Shino pauses. “But now that you mention it, actually—”

“Look, I know you’re not a math genius, but what do you think the odds of that are? Like, one in a thousand? One in a million? Even if he does play, what makes you think you guys are on the same server?”

“Man, I dunno!” Clearly frustrated by Eugene’s superior logic, Shino throws himself back onto his bed. “Why’d Orga make Tekkadan on this server, anyway?”

“It—” Eugene sputters. “Well, it’s—okay, fine, I forgot that it’s the official server for people from our school until a second ago, but—still! That makes the odds, like, one in a hundred at best.”

“One in a hundred, huh?” Shino appears to be giving this some serious thought; from his expression, Eugene can tell that that doesn’t sound half bad to him. “I’d take those odds.”

Eugene throws his hands up in disgust. “Remind me never to put you in charge of my bank account.”

“Hey, it’s your loss,” says Shino, waggling his eyebrows. (Eugene ignores this entirely.)

“Anyway, so let’s say you’re right and it really is the same guy. So what?”

Once again, Shino has to give this thought, but this answer seems to come easier than the last one.

“I just wanna get to know him, man. That’s not a bad thing, is it?”

“No, but—” Eugene wavers; he’s not sure if Shino’s potential love life is something he ought to be commenting on, but... “Didn’t he say he likes you...?” he ventures.

This makes no discernible impression on Shino. “Yeah, and?”

“And... I mean...” For a few more moments, Eugene falters, and then decides that maybe the best course of action is to just let it go. There’s no changing Shino’s mind once it’s made up, after all. “Look, just... be nice to him, okay?”

“I’m nice!” Shino insists. “I’m a nice guy, you don’t even have to worry about that. Like, what could go wrong?”

Probably best not to answer that, Eugene thinks. Well, at least Shino won’t be able to complain he didn’t warn him.

It takes Shino a while to find the kid, elusive as he is, but he happens to be passing by the library one day when he spots a certain mop of blonde hair, bent over a textbook that’s thick enough to kill a man with. When he lifts it up to turn a page, Shino can just barely make out the title on the cover: Fundamentals of Fluid Mechanics, it says.

Jesus. Well, as long as the guy doesn’t expect him to know any of that as a prerequisite, Shino figures he’s golden. So he rolls right up, barely mindful of the fact that it’s a library, stops by the table the kid’s sitting at, and when he looks up, gives him a big ol’ ear-to-ear grin.

“Hi! We met the other day—well, kinda—but I wanted to introduce myself properly.” He sticks out a hand. “I’m Norba Shino, but you can just call me Shino. Everyone does.”

“I know,” says the boy in a small voice.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing.” To Shino’s great surprise and gratitude, the boy only hesitates a moment before shaking his hand. “Yamagi Gilmerton.”

“Yamagi, huh...?” Shino nods, quite seriously; names are a serious business, after all. “Sorry about the other day, I’m just really excited about this game. Started playing a couple weeks ago and I’m totally hooked!”

Yamagi is watching him with an inscrutable expression, all the more so because Shino can only see one of his eyes. As far as Shino can tell, though, Yamagi doesn’t look annoyed or bored, so in his opinion, things are going just swell.

“...It’s okay.”

There, he said it’s okay! How you like that, Eugene? Shino says in his head, triumphantly. He doesn’t gloat for too long, though, since Yamagi is looking at him expectantly.

“So, are you on—what’s it called—Dark Iron? That’s the server everyone from our school is at, right?”

“...Yeah.”

Shino grins. “Great! So we could play together sometime, right?” At this point he also takes care to turn on what one ex-girlfriend called a ‘killer set of puppy-dog eyes’, making Yamagi go beet red again. Totally adorable.

“...Sure.”

“Awesome. Lend me a pen, I’ll give you my character name.”

From inside a backpack bulging with books and notes, Yamagi locates a pen which he holds out hesitantly. Shino takes it, and also seizes Yamagi’s hand—ignoring the little gasp of surprise that this causes—and writes his screen name across Yamagi’s palm, in big block letters. Then he pushes both hand and the pen back to Yamagi.

“OK, so you can use this to find me, right?”

However, Yamagi isn’t listening, and Shino realizes that something’s not right. Instead of—say—nodding, which would probably have been Shino’s preferred response, Yamagi is staring at the letters reading SHINON scrawled across his palm, shock and horror written all over his face.

“Uh... Yamagi?” Shino tries.

The next moment is a blur. Yamagi seizes his bag and his book and promptly legs it out of there, very nearly overturning his chair as he does so.

“Hey—wait!”

Shino attempts to go after him, but then actually overturns a chair in the process, which trips someone else holding a stack of books in their arms, all of which go flying. By the time he’s disentangled himself from this mess, picked up all the books, and apologized to everyone (including the incensed librarian), Yamagi is long gone.

Later, as the sun is setting and he’s standing outside the library alone, Shino says a couple of choice swear words, loud enough to startle a few nearby pigeons. He doesn’t really have a clue what the hell’s going on, but looking at it logically, chances are that it has to do with... whatever Eugene was waffling on about earlier.

Damn it. He hates it when Eugene is right. Well, maybe he can just apologize for whatever it is he did later, in game. Surely Yamagi doesn’t hold grudges forever, right?

However, Yamagi doesn’t show up in Art of War that night, nor the next. A couple of days go by, and though Shino tries to play on his own, he finds that it isn’t half as fun without his questing partner. This leads us into the present: Eugene bent over homework at his desk and trying to block Shino out, until finally, he snaps.

“Stop moaning,” he scolds, as Shino’s rolling around in his bed whining. “You’re driving me nuts.”

“Can’t help it,” Shino mutters. “Sooooo bored. Wanna play Art of War.”

“So play already.”

“I don’t wanna play if Yamagi’s not there!”

“Yamagi?” Something clicks into place. “Oh, you mean that kid from the other day?” Shino doesn’t answer, which he takes to mean ‘yes’. “Isn’t he still playing?”

“I’unno.” Shino sounds sullen; from long experience, Eugene knows this is never a good sign.

“Did you scare him off?”

“No!” A pause. “Maybe. Not intentionally, though!”

Eugene puts down his pencil, sighing. Relationship advice is not his forte, and yet, here they are. “I told you to be nice, man.”

“I was nice!” Then, more doubtful, he adds, “At least, I think I was.”

Eugene can’t help himself; he sighs out loud. It’s hard to believe he needs to walk Shino through every step of this.

“Yeah,” he says, patiently, “but he likes you, right? And you rejected him.”

“I didn’t reject him! I said we should totally play together, and then I gave him my character’s name, and then he freaked the fuck out and ran off! Look...” Shino trails off, sounding dejected. “I don’t even know, man.”

“Dude, of course he freaked out. He spent like an hour gushing about his crush, TO his crush. Can you not see how embarrassing that might be?”

This all seems like it’s coming as news to Shino, but he at least gives it some thought. Finally: “I guess,” he says, in a reluctant tone of voice. “But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think it’s cute.”

If Eugene rolls his eyes any harder, they’re gonna fall right out of their sockets. “OK, then go ask him out already so I don’t have to listen to your whining. I have stuff to do.”

“Maybe I will!” Shino rolls himself out of bed in a huff, going to the door.

Well, Eugene thinks, as it slams shut behind him, either way, at least I’ll get some peace and quiet for a while.

If he’d thought it was hard locating Yamagi the first time around, the second nearly kills him. OK, that’s melodramatic, but even though he likes exercise it’s still a pain in the ass to be running all over campus trying to spot him in the crowd. After a few fruitless days of this, Eugene takes pity on him and gives him some advice—try looking in common areas or at the dining hall, he says, places he has to pass through no matter what. And it’s good advice, but all the same, nearly a week goes by with neither hide nor hair of Yamagi, by which time Shino is basically dying from Art of War withdrawal.

And just when he thinks he can’t take anymore—when he’s honest-to-God starting to think he should quit the game because it just ain’t worth it anymore—that’s when a knock comes at the door to his room.

“Nnngh,” Shino moans half-heartedly, face down in his pillow on his bed. “Go ‘way.”

The knock comes again, more insistent. Grumbling, Shino gets up, and goes to open it.

When he does, Yamagi is there.

Shino stares at him for a moment. The relief he’s feeling is almost palpable; it washes all the tension out of once, and he feels himself smiling the first real smile he’s had on his face for days.

Still, it won’t do to be scaring him off again, so he tries to sound casual when he says, “Hey, man, I’ve been looking all over for you! Are you okay? You haven’t logged on in a week, I was worried!”

Yamagi only shrugs, refusing to meet Shino’s eyes. There’s a strange, closed-off look on his face. He’s quiet for a moment, and then sucks in a deep breath and starts speaking, maybe a little too loud for how close they are.

“I’m sorry about—about everything. I know you’re probably weirded out by the things I said, and... I’m... sorry... about them.”

He stops there, as though in the middle of a thought, and his eyes are half-shut, almost like he’s expecting Shino to lash out. Which is such a crazy idea that Shino doesn’t even know what to do about it, except try and change his mind.

“Nah, not really,” he says, easily. “I mean—it’s cool, right?”

Yamagi blinks once, very slowly.

“What do you mean... ‘it’s cool’?”

“Just what it sounds like. It’s cool, man! I don’t mind.”

“But...” Yamagi looks slightly bewildered. “Don’t you? I mean... that was you the whole time, right?”

“Yeah, that was me.” Shino chuckles. “How come you didn’t realize that, huh? I even named my character after myself!”

Yamagi goes red. “Well, who—who puts their real name in their screen name these days? What about stranger danger, huh?!”

“Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet!” Shino beams. “Besides, I couldn’t think of a good name. It’s hard, okay?”

For a moment Yamagi looks like he wants to laugh, but also like he’s simultaneously on the verge of tears.

“But I typed all that stupid crap about you!”

Shino holds up his hands disarmingly. “No, it was cute! Seriously, it’s fine.”

“But—” By now, he’s almost shouting. “But I like you, Shino!”

“Yeah, I like you too!”

In sheer frustration, Yamagi runs his hands back through his own hair, mussing it up until it looks quite wild.

“No—listen to me! I mean—like like. I don’t just—”

“I know what you meant,” Shino says.

This simple sentence is apparently enough to leave Yamagi speechless, and given that he’s not shouting anymore, Shino seizes the chance to speak.

“I’m—what’s that you call it? Oh yeah! I swing both ways, man. I mean, people are just people, right? So it’s all good. Let’s just keep playing, okay?”

“But—”

“No buts!” Shino scratches his chin, thoughtful for a moment. Then he reaches out, brushing Yamagi’s hair back out of his eyes so they can really see each other. “And let’s get dinner sometime too, okay?” He grins. “Just you and me.”

Yamagi just stands there, closing and opening his mouth without a word as he tries to process all of this. Then, as though he barely dares to believe it, he asks, “Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Well, that’s the idea!” Sheepish, Shino grins. “But I’ve never asked a dude out before, so... maybe I’m doing it wrong?”

“...No.”

And Yamagi’s eyes are watery, but he starts to laugh, which is such a relief for Shino. Laughing Yamagi beats crying Yamagi any day. Smiling, he ruffles Yamagi’s hair.

“So, dinner? Yay, nay...?”

Suddenly embarrassed by his own tears, Yamagi scrubs his eyes dry, and then turns his face up to Shino. “Yes, I accept,” he says firmly.

“Oh, that was fast,” Shino teases.

“You miss all of the shots you don’t take,” Yamagi says, and smiles a little. “Someone who sucks at typing told me that, once.” Then he thrusts his chin out, almost impertinently, like he’s daring Shino to do something about it. “Well?” he demands. “Aren’t you going to take responsibility for all this?”

Shino swallows, but grins, too. “Oh yeah,” he says, with feeling. “You bet.”

After all, he’s always liked a challenge.

#iron blooded orphans #ibo #shinoyama #gundam ibo #norba shino #yamagi gilmerton #fic

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flame-shadow · 7 years

Text

While hiking, I started thinking about a brief exchange that had I had earlier in the week and wanted to dissect my feelings on the situation and whatever subjects flow out of the initial thought. It’s art-related and probably inconsequential (and also kinda slides into a meaningless rant), but it’s under the cut if you’re curious.

So, to set up: About a week ago, I posted a name card I made for someone (the butterfly and purple flowers one), and I’m really proud of it. It turned out better than I was expecting, and I was pretty excited to show it off not only to the person who commissioned it but also to the world at large. So at work one day, I happened to have my phone on me when I walked away from my desk (not common because no pockets in my nicer-looking pants which is stupid but I digress) and of course I saved a pic of the name card on my phone for the express purpose of showing it to others. So I did! I showed it to someone who’s very friendly and we’ve chatted multiple times and stuff. She... didn’t really react when I showed her though, apart from a “oh that’s pretty” which I know is a compliment and maybe it wasn’t a good time but it was a lull in the chatter and neither of us were doing anything. I dunno, maybe my presentation was off.

ANYWAY. I recalled afterward that this person is well-known for showing pics of her son, and she’s not the only one -- it seems that most parents absolutely love to show off pics of their kid(s) or to share what they’re doing or saying or participating in, etc. And I suppose they’re well justified in feeling proud of their kid(s) and wanting to share. I mean, they’re raising the kid, helping them grow and experience the world, a fresh generation, new life, and so on. So they show off the results of their work (the kid(s)). And most people upon seeing the photos or hearing the stories react positively.. “she’s growing up so fast” “he looks like his daddy” “how silly” “adorable” blah blah blah. I do it too only because it speeds up the exchange and the parent would probably be offended if I said I didn’t give a shit about their kid.

So how does this relate to art? Well, art is my baby. I have put a lot of effort into improving, learning, gaining experience and perspective, developing new skills, trying new media. The fruits of my labor are the artworks I produce. These are the “kid pics” that I have to share. But I feel that showing off my art outside of an art-supportive community (friends, online groups/websites, certain chat rooms) isn’t perceived as positively. Instead, I feel like a little kid holding up a pasta portrait to a group of grown-ups and hoping that someone will say something as simple as “nice noodles” even though I had no choice in that element. If I insist on showing people my art, I feel like I’m just trying to grab attention and to boast about what a good artist I am. Which, I mean, _obviously_ I want the attention, otherwise I wouldn’t try to show people my stuff! But I want the attention for feedback purposes. What sticks out, do the colors work well, do you notice the textures? Certain people will give feedback like that, pointing out something they like or that caught their eye. That helps! It doesn’t feel like I’m wasting my energy to show people my work. But it’s rare. [and I suppose it should be noted that I’m referring to face-to-face exchanges where facial expression, body language, and vocal tone/cadence can be observed]

So instead, my work is treated with the same benign “oh that’s nice” that kid pics receive when shown to uninterested people. But I made that! I didn’t just take a pic of another living creature and then force people through societal pressures to respond positively. Do I need to fish for feedback? Do I need to ask bluntly, “please actually look at this and say something more than the generic phrases I’ve heard a million times from disinterested adults”? ..What is it about adulthood that so kills people’s appreciation for art? Why do they only praise their kids for their “art” not because it’s good but simply because they made something? (aaah, that could go in a whole other direction -- I’m not trying to criticize parents for encouraging their kids, but as a kid who really struggled with creating “good” art, hearing only the same bland responses and generic praise, specific feedback and helpful suggestions do wonders! I only got that from my elementary school art teacher. Not middle or high school, not from my parents until I figured out how to draw them into actually giving me feedback. One adult ... ach, that’s for another time)

I know though, I know not everyone cares. Just like I don’t have care about your kids, you don’t have to care about my art. However, unlike you showing me pictures of your kids just to hear vague positive responses, I actually want feedback. Tell me more than “that’s pretty”. What makes it pretty? Did you like the butterfly? Does that purple look nice? Did I compose the drawing well?

...I guess, also, there’s that from sharing online too. A “like” is a super quick way of saying “saw it and like it (probably)” and doesn’t give any real feedback. Is there a Discord group I can join where people still give constructive criticism to art? I don’t know what website would be helpful anymore. dA is close enough to dead, I don’t fit in with FA well, Facebook is where some of my extended family “likes” my art because it’s the only thing I post... Tumblr is okay at sharing but still not so great on the getting feedback part. (it’s also not designed for that -- rapidly scroll through content, “like”, keep scrolling) I’m guilty of not giving much feedback lately outside of one-on-one scenarios .. and sometimes not even then. Should work on that.. gotta give some to get some, maybe?

Ah, this got pretty long. I had a lot of time to think today but never stopped to jot any of it down, so it just kinda swirled in my head. If you actually got to the end, uh.. kudos? Ironically, I’m not fishing for feedback with this post; I mainly wanted to get things out of my head. I guess I could not post this at all, but maybe someone will relate or at least get where I’m coming from. -shrugs-

#textpost #vent #...sorta #art

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