#a part of me feels shame for not feeling worse ang my weight but the larger part of me is scared of dying and passing out and missing out on

[dykearthurmorgan]

ed tw in tags :3

[dirt-cup-draco]

Twins x Friend!Reader- Two Stars and The Sky

Hello!! Could u do stargazing with the twins? Just pure fluff. One where they sneak out of their own bday party with y/n and stargaze with them? Thank you

There was no doubt in your mind that Katie Bell could throw a party. Streamers were everywhere, the iconic red and gold of your best friends’ house were present but so were oranges and yellows, and you even think you saw a corner full of pink. You giggled as you watched Lee poke a balloon until it popped, the inebriated boy falling from the couch he was standing on with the shock of his toy self destructing before his eyes. 

Fred helped him up with a dazzling grin and a “Watch yourself mate, next time you topple over like that you might turn my birthday into your deathday,” 

You let their conversation bleed into the background noise of all the cheerful fifth years who were dancing about and mingling. You sipped at your drink and wrinkled your nose at it. You hadn’t even finished your first cup of firewhisky and you doubted you would. 

Drinking was a part of every party in Gryffindor, and you didn’t mind the way it made you feel warm, didn’t hate the way it made your shoulders sag in relaxation. But you absolutely detested the taste. It was worse than drinking any potion Madam Pomfrey shoved down your throat after a nasty fall during a quidditch game or a prank gone terribly wrong. 

“Not enjoying yourself?” Angie teased as you scowled into your cup. 

“This is amazing, Katie should be proud of herself,” You said instead, handing her your half filled drink which she happily took and knocked back. Angelina beamed at you, her eyes sparkling and bright. No one loved a party like she did. 

“She’d be proud if she wasn’t already asleep with her head in the toilet,” 

“No! Is she really?” You giggled, going to follow Angie and see for yourself the state your friend was in but two sets of hands grabbed one arm each and you were pulled back. 

“Sorry Ang-” Fred apologized. 

“We need to borrow her,” George explained. 

Angelina just rolled her eyes as the corner of her lips tugged up, grabbing Lee by the arm to show him Katie and maybe get some help in dragging her up to her dorm room. 

“Where are we headed?” You whispered as you ducked your head through the hole in the wall, the Fat Lady muttering sleepy protests and you apologized gently to her- knowing it was well past midnight. 

“Outside-” 

“-want some air,” 

You tsked at them but linked your arms with theirs as George took the lead in your chain, moving you all towards the passage that would lead you out of the castle and near the black lake. “Leaving your own party boys? For shame,” You teased a bit louder as you took the last few steps from the cold stone passage and into the chill night air. 

Fred just shrugged but grinned, plopping down into the dewed grass, a content smile on his face and a flush to his cheeks from a long night of drinking, smiling, and laughing with his friends and much of the gryffindors in your year. 

“Just want to spend some time with our favorite person,” George answered more honestly, squeezing your hand and tugging you down into the grass too so you were shoulder to shoulder between each boy, hands linked. Fred was soon to follow in interlacing his fingers with yours.

You found in the passing years that the twins were affectionate with everyone, they loved being near the ones they loved and you found it only more endearing as time went on. You also discovered that when they found something they truly liked, or someone in your case, you couldn’t be separated from them. 

Lee had started the joke that you were their triplet and sitting there with them in the grass, stars twinkling above you, you thought he might be right. You were closer to them than you’d ever intended to be but you were immensely grateful for the boys. You were a found family even if you weren’t connected by blood. 

“Penny for ‘em?” George asked, nudging his thigh against yours and it was only then you realized your skin had become ice and you had been outside, eyes glued to the stars, for much longer than you thought. 

A misconception that many had of Fred and George was that they always had to be speaking, moving, clowning around. You got to see them in quiet moments that they used to only share with each other. Another misconception that had begun to circulate was that you were romantically involved with one or both (depending on which gossip you asked) of the twins. 

However, you felt nothing but kinship and contentment as you sat between them. They were your dearest friends, not to discount the great love you felt for Katie, Angelina, and Lee. Growing up with your friends just meant that you were most often together rather than apart and it was something you never wanted to end and no romantic relationship could compare in your eyes, if anything you felt as if a romantic relationship with anyone in your friend group would dampen what you had now and you were more than content to stargaze with the twins and feel the familial and familiar weight of their hands in yours. 

“Just happy I’ve got you two in my life,” You smiled at each twin, taking note of your favorite freckle on George’s nose and the funny cowlick that made Fred’s hair stick up in an odd spot on his head. “The universe planned you two very carefully I think, and no matter what anyone says you are both perfect to me and I couldn’t ask for better friends,” 

“Can I have my penny back?” 

“A little sappy Y/N, I feel I need to wash my hands now lest I feel sticky later,” 

“Oh bugger off,” You snorted, trying to sit up in retaliation, as if you would actually leave, before Fred was pulling you back down and pressing a caring kiss to your temple. 

“Nobody could be as perfect as us, but you come pretty close I suppose,” George played and Fred looked mock-thoughtful. 

“If we are the stars, you’d be the sky that makes us shine brighter,” Fred tried to tease but as the words fell from his lips he realized with stark clarity that it was true and he felt his chest swell with appreciation for you. 

George seemed to agree, swallowing a lump in his throat and tearing his eyes away from you. You were sat comfortably in the grass, hands now cold with the lack of shared heat but now folded over your stomach. You looked completely at peace and George was glad to see it. He never wanted he or his brother to drive you away. 

“You two do that all on your own, now settle down and watch the stars with me,” You commanded with a bright smile that rivaled the gleaming full moon in radiance. 

With an in sync, “Yes ma’am,” The boys were back to laying beside you, all three of you watching the stars blink against the inky veil of night that was slowly growing lighter as the time passed you by. 

The three of you didn’t leave until the sun made her presence known, a sliver of gold on the horizon. 

Tag List: @stuckysdaughter​ @thehumanistsdiary​  **I’m sorry I’ve forgotten all that were previously on my tag list, if you wish to be added/taken off just send me a dm and I’ll get that fixed!**

[mx-requests-forum]

[Fulfilled] The Truth in the Lie

Prompt: Wonkyun + WH is dared during a game of truth or dare to confess to CK and does it easily to cover up his true feelings + CK misunderstands and thinks WH really doesn’t like him

Fulfilled by Mod Ree~

Words: 2149

AO3 Link

Hoseok knew this would happen. He knew he’d screw everything up if he let himself get caught up in the stupid filming... Of course, when Changkyun started flirting with him, too, he couldn’t much help himself.

Now, here he is a week later, avoiding the maknae. Changkyun’s in the living room, sitting on that tiny couch only meant for two, eating ramen alone. Hoseok wants to go there, sit by him, talk to him... But, he doesn’t want to make the younger even more uncomfortable than he clearly already has. So, instead, he’s screwing the top back onto his protein shaker tightly as he gets ready for yet another night of working out. Changkyun never went into his workout room before, so at least the lack of the maknae’s presence there isn’t any different.

It isn’t a constant reminder of his own failure.

Just as he’s about to scurry quickly through the room to get to his destination, Minhyuk pops up in front of him, a wicked smile pulling at his lips.  

“Hoseokkie,” he says simply, though his tone is tiptoeing the line of teasing. “Don’t go anywhere after your workout. Kihyun and I are ordering take-out, and everyone’s gonna join us for a game night.” It isn’t a request in the slightest, just a matter-of-fact telling of what they’re planning on happening.

“I-I was going to go to my studio after...” Hoseok says lamely, still dead-set on not forcing Changkyun to be in the same room as him. He glances over Minhyuk’s shoulder instinctively as the thought of the rapper crosses his mind, and he sees Kihyun sitting by him, telling him quickly probably the same thing Minhyuk’s just told the older.  

Changkyun looks away, his lips slightly parted as he begins to say something, but, then, his eyes meet Hoseok’s. The singer’s heart stops for a moment, and it feels as if the Earth itself realigns its entire rotation just to spin around them and them alone. Then Changkyun looks away, giving Kihyun a short, sheepish nod, and Hoseok finds himself doing the same.  

“Okay, I’ll be here,” he answers. He doesn’t look away from Changkyun until he realizes Minhyuk’s moved out of his way, not until he’s out of casual-staring range. His mind doesn’t leave how adorable the maknae is, how close they’d gotten to getting so close during that damn episode of X-Ray, until he loses all notion of thought through the arduous process of sculpting his body to his level of perfection.  

He misses how Changkyun watches him from the couch, how Minhyuk and Kihyun given each other a knowing glance. Kihyun pats the maknae’s shoulder before leaving him to his noodles, walking casually to the kitchen. Minhyuk slips in after him, following him over to the fridge.

“Step One: Complete,” Minhyuk comments, his tone dripping with conspiracy. Kihyun snickers under his breath as he opens the door, looking for a snack.  

“Have you forgotten that Hoseok doesn’t drink?” Kihyun questions, straightening up with a huff. “I don’t see how you can force him into actually telling the truth if he doesn’t want to.” Minhyuk frowns, crossing his arms over his chest as he watches the slightly-younger move to the cabinets instead.  

“You seem to forget how awful of a liar Hoseokkie is,” Minhyuk chuckles out. Kihyun finds a bag of chips, retrieves them before closing the cabinet back up. Hyungwon suddenly pokes his head in, a serene smile set on his lips as he makes eye contact with the main vocalist... a smile that falters when Kihyun doesn’t hold the gaze.

“It just better work, Minhyuk,” Kihyun tells him roughly, stomping out of the kitchen. “I’m sick of all this tension.” Minhyuk and Hyungwon get the sense he's taking about more than just Hoseok and Changkyun as he leaves them be. Hyungwon pouts after him, leaning heavily against the doorframe.  

“Once you’re done with those two, could you work your magic on us...?” Hyungwon asks, his deep tone slightly whiny as he stares after his testy boyfriend. Minhyuk yelps out a raspy laugh, shaking his head.  

“You’re the one that spent that entire episode flirting with a man other than your boyfriend,” Minhyuk tells him mercilessly. “You’re the one that has to deal with the fallout.” Hyungwon slumps even further against the doorjamb, groaning in discontent before going after the vocalist in question.  

Minhyuk snickers one last time, glad he actually isn’t in the middle of any relationship mess for once. Thankfully, since he hadn’t been chosen as anyone’s ang-mate, he hasn’t had to deal with any of it.  

Hoseok sits on the wooden floor, watching with an anxious gaze as Minhyuk brings a stack of cards from out behind his back. Changkyun sits across from him, watching with rapt attention, and the others are dispersed in a circle. This is the longest he’s managed to stay in the same room as the maknae since the cursed filming, and he honestly can’t complain. Even if Changkyun’s been avoiding his gaze since they sat down, it’s better than outright avoiding each other...  

“Anyone have any games they want to play?” Minhyuk asks, shooting Kihyun an unreadable smirk as he begins shuffling through the deck. Kihyun purses his lips, his eyes squinting shut in amusement. Hyungwon leans close, resting his head against Kihyun’s shoulder as he watches. Hoseok looks away, not too eager to see public displays of affection when he crush has been ignoring him for so long. He sees Kihyun straighten up from the corner of his eye, though, as if an idea came to him

“What about truth or dare,” Kihyun suggests suddenly, pulling away. He turns towards Hyungwon then, a determined pout on his lips. “Why’d you go after Jooheon for your ang-mate, Hyungwon?”  

There’s a slight combative tone to his voice, as if he’s immediately on the defensive, and the energy in the room shifts. Jooheon blinks in surprise, as does Hyungwon, the rapper instinctively scooting closer to Hyunwoo. Hyungwon’s brow furrows, his thick lips turning down in a frown.

“I don’t know, why’d you go for Hyunwoo-hyung?”

Kihyun scoffs at this, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.

“Because I saw you going after Heonney!”

“You didn’t even ask him truth or dare...” Changkyun pipes in, his tone a bit subdued by the hostile tone in the main vocalist’s voice. Kihyun physically deflates, his gaze snapping away from his boyfriend’s. Hyungwon scoffs, shaking his head as he drops his gaze.  

“Anyway,” Minhyuk says, automatically taking the next turn as the person to Kihyun’s left, “speaking of that...” His head snaps over to Hoseok, a dark, plotting smirk pulling at his lips. “Hoseok, truth or dare~?”  

Hoseok can’t help but gulp thickly as he weighs his options. Minhyuk will likely ask him about Changkyun... But, the dare is sure to be worse. Last time he chose a dare, Minhyuk had dared him to run down to the convenience store completely nude and back. He still thanks his lucky stars he hadn’t been caught doing that, it had been late enough for no one to be out and about for even a late night snack.  

Wouldn’t it be easier this way, anyway? he can’t help but ask himself. If he is asked about his true feelings for the maknae, he can tell the unabashed truth without fear of rejection or pushing himself onto the younger. He’s just answering a question, he isn’t performing some outlandish confession scene out in the middle of the rain.

“Truth,” he finally decides, already knowing full-well what the younger will be asking.

Minhyuk’s eyes sparkle triumphantly, not realizing his ditzy hyung has just guessed his ulterior motive.

“What’s your true feelings for Changkyunnie?” he says. Hoseok pretends not to notice how Changkyun’s head snaps up, how his eyes suddenly bore holes into Hosoek’s temple. His lips are pressed tightly together, a telltale sign of his nerves. Hoseok doesn’t sigh, doesn’t swallow, doesn’t show any signs of nervousness for what he’s about to say.

“I’m in love with him, of course.”

A moment of utter silence passes, the likes of which is never heard in a dorm of seven grown men, then two. Then, Changkyun stands and walks out of the room. His footsteps can be heard as he goes down the hall, only stopping when he slams his bedroom door shut. Hoseok winces at the sound, his heart falling to the hardwood. He glances down at his own toes, not wanting to meet anyone else’s gaze.  

“Hyung,” Kihyun says, his tone so gentle and caring Hoseok can’t help but look up. “Go talk to him.”

Hoseok nods dully, shifts to stand. He shuffles off after the maknae, his head feeling oh-so heavy with guilt and shame. Of course this wasn’t the way to confess to the younger man. Of course it’d backfire like this. Things like this should be made a big deal! They should have had the dorm to themselves, Hoseok could have made them ramen and they could have talked over their feelings for one another! There should’ve been a thousand yellow daisies, for crying out loud!!

He lifts his hand, merely brushing his knuckles against the bedroom door.  

“Go away,” Changkyun’s muffled voice sounds from the other side, sounding much more subdued and broken than it ever should. Hosoek pouts, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He doesn’t want to make the maknae feel worse, but wouldn’t walking away now do just that?

He takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what’s about to come, and opens the door only enough to slip in through the crack before shutting the door once again.

“Kkungie,” Hoseok says softly, his guilt only worsening when he sees the maknae lying on the bed, curled up around his dog plushie with his hood up over his head. His back is to the door, everything about him ebbing off a ‘don’t talk to me’ vibe. Hosoek ignores it, though, knowing he’s passed the point of no return, and he goes to sit on the edge of the mattress. It dips a bit under his weight, causing Changkyun’s legs to slide towards him a little.

“I don’t want to talk,” Changkyun says through grit teeth, still not turning around to see his hyung. He can feel Hoseok’s sad, pitying gaze on him, and it burns him up on the inside. He doesn’t need the older’s pity. After all, he’d known things would happen like this. If he had let his true feelings show, then Hoseok would get scared off, and then everything would blow up in his face. That confession hadn’t been sincere just now, it’d been too easy for Hoseok to say. There’s no way something so easily uttered could be sincere.

“Kkungie, pleathe,” Hoseok tries again, and the maknae can feel his hand resting on his right arm. “I-I’m thorry... I thought saying it like that would be better, but I just messed it up. I should’ve made you dinner, given you flowers... You deserve a better confession than that. I promise, if you give me another chance, I’ll do it right. I—”

“What?” Changkyun asks, utterly confused at the older’s offer. He turns to face him, his eyes shining with broken tears. Hoseok has to fight the urge to lean close, to kiss the tears away.  

“I’ll do it right next time,” Hoseok tells him adamantly, tightening his grip on Changkyun’s arm ever so slightly as if to emphasize his own words.  

“You... mean you meant it?” Changkyun says, still not computing what the older is saying. He needs the confirmation, doesn’t want the empty hope to be smashed to bits once again. Hoseok’s brow furrows, and he pouts in confusion. He gives a small nod.

“Y-Yeah,” Hoseok replies, at a loss. “Is... that why you got so upset? Because you thought I didn’t mean it??”  

“Well, yeah,” Changkyun says, shifting to sit up now that his heart is being repaired so beautifully in a matter of seconds. “I mean, you said it so easily, I just thought...” He still can’t meet Hoseok’s eyes, feeling dumb now to have given Hoseok so much credit. After all, the older has always been such a bad liar... It’s one of the things he loves most about him. Hoseok chuckles softly and reaches out, setting a gentle hand against Changkyun’s scarred cheek. The younger leans into the touch instinctively, his eyes falling shut just to feel.

“You’re adorable, my Kukkungie,” Hoseok says, nothing but utter adoration in his voice. Changkyun smiels so wide, opening his eyes to see more love in Hoseok’s gaze he’d ever thought possible to receive in one lifetime. It damn near steals his breath away.  

“I love you, Hoseokkie,” he says softly, testing the phrase out on his tongue. It doesn’t feel too heavy or too light, just right.

“I love you, too, Changkyunnie~”

[cchantellemarie-blog]

Take Control of Your Life!!

Hey everyone. This is going to be kind of a long, and sentimental and emotional post. In the last two years, I did a complete 180 in my lifestyle. I got sober, I quit smoking, I went vegan, and I moved across the country. I now focus of how I can continuously grow, and continuously learn ways to better my life even further.

The beginning of my journey was tough. I was walking into unknown territory and I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know where I was going to go once I got here. It was scary, nerve-racking, and exciting. I knew that whatever was coming was going to change me and I didn't know if I was ready for it. I had such an emotional attachment to my disastrous habits. I also knew that I needed these changes if I was going to get anywhere closer to my ultimate goals.

Before these changes, life was predictable; I felt stuck in a role that I knew no longer fit me. I saw where my future was going, and it wasn't a good sight. I knew in that moment that I had to change it and that I was the only one who was able to make it happen. I could go on and on about how drugs and alcohol are bad for you and will change the wiring in your brain and make you become a person you're not. It will withhold you from becoming the best version of you.

Since my shift, my journey has not been easy by any means. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful life, and I'm very blessed to be able to do the things I do, and the freedom I am able to have. I am privileged to live comfortably, and lucky to be surrounded by love. It hasn't felt like that at times.

I was using drugs and alcohol to deal and cope with any emotion I had. Had a shitty day, let's get a drink. Had a good day, let's get a drink. I was in an unhealthy cycle of just making it through the day waiting for something. Whether it was the weekend, or the summer, or happiness. I was waiting for something to happen to make me feel “better.” To make my LIFE “better.” This is a habit I built over a period of over 15 years. I haven't dealt with my own emotions in 15 years.

It almost felt like I had 15 years of built of anger, resentment, shame, guilt, and grief unfolding over the last brief span of 22 months. It's no wonder why people relapse; it is a lot to deal with. I know that if I was to stay where I was before, I wouldn't have been able to stick with it. Even recently I was thinking how nice it would be to catch a buzz! This isn't something that you will get over immediately. I have many ups and downs. The downs are hard to deal with alone, but I can feel the process making me stronger. It took me a long time to learn to trust the process, and I think it is finally all clicking.

I have been participating in a Law of Attraction project with my DoTERRA team and mentor. It is really helping me realize how my mind has been conditioned to think negatively and how my mind is what's stopping me from achieving certain goals. You are capable of anything. The more I allowed my thoughts to spiral negatively, the worse my outside world seemed to be. The more I practice cognitive thinking with positive affirmations, and really listening to my gut and not that negative nag in the back of my mind, the easier it was to control what emotions I allow myself to feel.

I have dealt with diagnosed clinical depression for most of my teenage and early adult life, as well as anxieties that lead to full blown panic attacks. I was self medicating, but that ultimately did not help at all. In fact it made it much worse. So when I cut out these vices, I wasn't sure how to deal with life, but I have been figuring it out. I believe there are natural ways to adjust how the brain operates. I also believe that the remedy will differ person to person.

For me, I know my weight, being ashamed of my body and feeling uncomfortable in my own skin are the underlying issues. The things that have happened in my life have shaped the way I think, yeah, but finding the underlying issues and dealing with those is what is going to help you. Peeling back the layers and finding out what is really bringing you down. According to Ange Peters of HOL:FIT, the number one reason people don't reach their goals, is actually because of the underlying fear of your own success. We think of reasons like, what are they going to think, I can't do this alone, they're going to treat me differently, I have no idea what I'm doing, they won't think I'm fun anymore, or I need this. It will be different for everyone, but the point is that in the end, it's only you. This is your life. You have to realize that your life is important, and your happiness is in your hands. Don't put your happiness in the hands of someone else.

I am still learning these things, but I have had a lot of help from DoTERRA and the community that it has brought me. Getting into holistic health, and natural wellness, and learning about the ways plants can help my body, mind and soul, is what has served my life is the most magical way. When your insides feel good, your outsides feel good.

The weight is slowly falling off. I've lost 48 pounds in the last 22 months. I actually gained some weight back because I spiraled for a couple months, eating junk and nutrient deficient, processed foods. Just because I eat a vegan diet, does not mean I eat really healthy. I have just started eating cleaner the last couple weeks, and sometimes feel like my food/sugar addiction is harder to kick than drugs.

The other thing I know is going to dramatically improve my life, is movement. I am trying to get myself on a schedule that includes a much more active lifestyle. I want to do daily yoga and meditation, and also get into a gym and weight train, cardio. I want to hike more, and kayak, and do all of these things that I have let my weight hold me back from.

I am ready for the next shift. I am ready for the next phase of my life where I am in control. I am worthy of success. I am worthy of love. I will continue to reach my goals, learn, and grow emotionally and spiritually. I will continue to share my holistic and healthy lifestyle because I want others to know they can do this too! You can take control of your own life. You can achieve your goals and ultimate happiness.

If you ever want to talk, I'm here. I can lend a listening ear. I can also give you information about natural wellness and how to switch out toxic chemicals and replace them with the best products out there. DoTERRA has been a huge part of my growth, and have joined them for a business adventure to start sharing their oils with other. Message me if you would like to know more about oils or how DoTERRA could benefit you and your family, or if you just want to talk.

Thank you for tuning in. I love each and every one of you.

<3

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