#a person always in the act of discovering their own personhood

[jomeimei421]

one day I will sit down and properly explain how YJH’s narrative is very fitting to be trans-coded, but this is the summary:

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: How To Validate Yourself & Stop People Pleasing

A comprehensive guide to learn love & trust yourself and break out of your people-pleasing identity. Hope this helps xx

HOW TO MASTER THE ART OF SELF-VALIDATION:

Remember the longest relationship you have in life is the one with yourself. While we all need an external support system to be well-rounded & healthy individuals, no one else will be with you throughout your entire life except for you. So, acting as your own best friend is the secret to living your happiest and most fulfilling life. You ultimately need to do what's best for you. Otherwise, you're damaging the only relationship you will have to confront in every aspect and stage of your life.

Acknowledge your humanity and fundamental right to have needs, goals, and personal desires. Validate your personhood and individuality. Remember you're only human and are bound to have your own physical/emotional limitations and preferences. If you would be willing to cater to others' schedules, boundaries, and limitations, give yourself this equal level of respect and expect others to do the same.

Know everyone is self-centered to a certain degree. No one cares about your happiness as much or is watching you as closely as you are. They all have themselves and their lives to worry about. People are paying attention to their own self-interests (or want you to accomplish things to boost their own credibility or self-esteem). Being your greatest personal cheerleader is the only way to fully give yourself the praise and spotlight you deserve for your accomplishments.

Self-confidence is magnetic. It is the secret to showing up as your best self in all areas of life. Being secure in yourself makes you a better friend, family member, lover, partner, spouse, professional, conversationalist, etc. Validating yourself will make you feel good, but also radiates into every relationship or interaction in your life.

Discover what you love about yourself. Reflect on the personality traits, skillsets, and behaviors you know to be admirable about yourself. Are you constantly making others laugh? Do you get endless praise for your cooking, drawing, singing, or problem-solving skills? Would people come to you first to manage a crisis like a champion? Are you a master disciplinarian when it comes to going to the gym or reading? Do people regularly compliment your outfits or nails? Think of all of the aspects of your being that make you unique and help you to feel content with your existing, authentic self.

Take control of your life to cultivate your ideal self. While you should consistently praise your naturally admirable qualities, remember that you always can change aspects of your life that will help you feel like your best self. Know that you're in control of your decisions and have the mental freedom to think & act in any way you desire to reach any goals or implement lifestyle changes to feel like the person you feel destined to be.

Block out the noise and negative self-talk. We're (almost always!) our worst critics. Consider every new experience or interaction as a learning opportunity. Mistakes and failures are life lessons that facilitate self-reflection and opportunities for growth. Remember not to beat yourself up for past mistakes: You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. If you weren't embarrassed by your past self, you never gave yourself the chance to evolve and grow. Every success, failure, and new life stage offers its own lessons and teachable moments. Remember that we're all our own unique life paths. Comparing your life to someone else's is like comparing apples and oranges. Both entities may be fruitful but have vastly different flavor profiles, growing seasons, and rates at which they ripen. As Dita Von Tesse shrewdly said: "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there will always be someone who hates peaches."

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE PLEASING:

Acknowledge that people-pleasing is a form of self-neglect. By prioritizing another person's desires or approval above your own, you're ultimately neglecting your physical, emotional, energetic, or spiritual needs. Consider acting in your best in your own best interest as an act of self-care that safeguards your well-being.

Set boundaries. State your limitations, calmly, clearly, and directly. Understand that boundaries are your response to other people's actions, not a means to control other people's behavior. An expectation would be to ask someone not to call you during the workday. A boundary is stating that you will not pick up the phone during the workday and will only make/return calls in the evening after leaving the office.

Communicate your needs & expectations clearly. While you can't control what others will do, being upfront with your needs and expectations can eliminate unnecessary stress, logistical issues, misplaced hurt feelings, or disappointment in any type of relationship. Direct communication between parties will allow you both to respect each other's boundaries and to prioritize interactions that are mutually more positive, helpful, and emotionally nourishing.

Express your "no" freely (and without over-explaining). Remember that "No" is a complete sentence. You do not owe someone your time or emotional energy simply because they asked or expect you to do something/attend an event out of perceived obligation/guilt or simply to make someone else happy. Making sure you're okay is your first priority. Feel free to say "no" to any requests that would emotionally drain you, make you overextend yourself, or compromise any of your personal values/goals/priorities. You don't need to justify your needs. Just kindly decline, and let it be.

Remain consistent with your boundaries & priorities. People will treat you how you let them treat you. Once you set a boundary or share your priorities will someone, stick to these words through your actions to show you're serious about how you expect to be treated. Teach people how to interact with you in a way that doesn't feel self-sacrificing. No one will respect your boundaries and priorities if you don't and are easily swayed to forgo these self-imposed standards on a day-to-day or case-by-case basis.

Consider the long-term consequences of people-pleasing. While it may appease immediate conflict or anxiety, people-pleasing offers a one-way ticket to resentment and misplaced anger. By ignoring our own needs for the sake of others, we place unspoken expectations on these individuals' obligations to reciprocate our emotional labor – whether it be with their future actions or matching our generosity with unprompted favors or emotional support. We start keeping score as we continuously give ourselves over to others of perceived obligation. When someone doesn't return the favor, we get upset, despite never expressing this expectation of someone else or that we're even self-sacrificing in any way. This can lead to us feeling depleted or guilt-tripping others, and from their perspective, seemingly out of nowhere. It is best to remember we always have a choice whether to give to others and it should be of a genuine desire, love, or support for the other person – not as a way to gain external validation or manipulate a situation to create a false sense of obligation that we keep ourselves or the receiving party beholden to. Think of your energy, time, and personal resources given to others as a gift, not a bargaining chip.

[cat-eared-dollwitch]

I suppose since you asked me, I will pose the same question to you! What does Dollhood mean to you?

I think one of the most prominent things for me is the non-personhood. When I was like 12-13 years old, I started feeling like I was a broken doll in the the shape of a person. The broken doll feeling kind of pushed out my identification with personhood over time. I didn’t realize that I didn’t truly feel like a person until just recently, honestly. And since I’ve come to understand that I’m not a person, it opened my eyes to all the other things I subconsciously (and consciously!!) identified with/as in the past and present. I am a tool. I am a toy. I am a weapon. I am all of these, but damaged in some way usually.

Which brings me to my next point. What does a witch do when she finds a broken doll in the ditch? Takes it home. Cleans it. Repairs it. Fixes it enough that it can stand on its own again, then fucking *hugs it*. Shows it that everything will be okay now. Even if it breaks again and again, it will always be repaired. The broken doll will never stay broken for long.

I am enamored by the extremely intimate act of being repaired by caring hands. I feel as if I have a desperate need to be rebuilt until I can finally be truly, honest to god useful again. I want to be able to repay the kindness I’ve been shown by the loving and skilled hands that put me back together.

I long to be useful. Be that as a toy, a weapon, or a tool. I am a doll after all. Dolls are usually at least two of those things at once, and this one gets to be all three. And being used as such things brings me joy. And if there is love with which I am used, that just multiplies the joy further.

This is what dollhood means to me. I feel as if I am missing other aspects that sing to me, but I can simply add them later in a reblog. This answer is the main core of it though.

Dollwitchhood is a fair bit different and I’m still discovering aspects of it that I quite enjoy. I’ll talk about that too someday. But for now, this is all.

Thank you, my work-of-art, for sending this ask.

[hetafice]

hi hi !! loveee your blog so far, it’s v nice to see more hetalia writers popping up again. if you’re interested in tackling this request, i’d like to see your take on how a yandere romano would deal with feelings of jealousy in regards to his darling getting a little too close than what his insecure brain’s comfortable with to his brother veneziano? 🫶💕

tysm! these are still yandere hcs, but i actually ended up also doing a small character study. i’ve been wanting to do those more recently so if you’re interested send in a request! bonus points if it’s not a super popular character. + this came out a lot longer than intended, so enjoy.

This is something Lovino would not be able to handle.

He has spent centuries trying to navigate the minefield that is the relationship with his brother--with varying degrees of success. One thing that has remained constant, however, is the fact that people overwhelmingly prefer his younger brother.

Romano has seemingly tried everything. Careful imitation, acting the complete opposite, sabotaging from the shadows, acting as right-hand man, you name it. Nothing has seemed to stick.

Even now, he’s invisible. Reduced to the lesser half a whole. Forever shackled to his brother, effectively prevented from exercising his own agency.

It’s never fun to be stuck in someone's shadow, but for the person whose shadow you're stuck in to be so unflinchingly blasé about it? For one to be as stuck as long as Lovino has? Being forcefully denied your own personhood like that often breeds contempt. Hatred like that can simmer under the surface for decades, even centuries before bubbling over and being noticed by others. Holding hatred like that for so long as he has? It’s almost enough to drive someone mad.

But when he gets you and has something of his own for once he relaxes a bit. There’s no need to be on edge, to constantly put on airs, because he has someone in his corner. Someone who has taken the time to know him on a deep, personal level. Someone, who despite his faults, is willing to love him, and in turn trusts him enough to love them back. That alone is enough to satiate him, to quiet his restless mind, and dull the sharp blade of self-hatred that’s been lingering within him for so long.

So when he discovers you calmly conversing with the man who has unknowingly tormented him for so long, he almost does not know what to do with himself.

It’s almost as if he’s on autopilot, mindlessly drifting over to where the two of you stand, immediately trying to assess the situation.

 In your eyes, the conversation with Veneziano was just much overdue. It was impolite to not introduce yourself to someone so close to your partner. Lovino would never say so, but sometimes the refusal to introduce you to his loved ones felt intentional. Whenever you would press the issue, he would hastily arrange a meeting to calm you down. It worked a few times; you got to meet a few of his friends, and even his pseudo-guardian/older brother/ mentor (you never were quite sure of the nature of their relationship), but you never got the chance to meet Veneziano. Occasions where you two were set to meet would mysteriously get canceled due to unforeseen circumstances. You also noticed that he would always get strangely cagey at the mention of his younger brother. 

At first, he would try to covertly sow discord between the two of you, in hopes that you would have a falling-out. In his mind, if he could manufacture situations to make you see his brother’s shortcomings, you wouldn’t want to be around him.

When he discovers, to his horror, that you have grown closer to his brother despite the careful machinations, he would spiral.

To you and Veneziano, your friendship is as right as rain, completely unforced, and a natural progression. After knowing each other peripherally for so long, making friends with you just makes sense.

But to Romano, this is yet another event point, in a seemingly infinite pattern of behavior. Time and time again, Romano finds something of his own, takes a liking to it, starts to cherish it, but only until Veneziano comes along and tries to take it. He always manages, because he is always successful in everything that he does. Afterwards, Romano is then left with nothing but more hatred to swallow and another large bruise on his ego. He can’t let it happen again, not this time, not after cultivating a relationship so pure, not like this, not-

He devises to stop it. Whatever it is between the two of you. Immediately.

Lovino, who has always been romantic, will up the ante. You suddenly find yourself whisked away on trips abroad more often than you are sat at home. How could you find the time to catch up with his brother when you have a date that night, another trip to pack for? To you, it seems as though you have entered a second honeymoon phase in your relationship. Unbeknownst to you, he’s tirelessly working to separate you. He shall get Veneziano away before he tries to take what is rightfully his for the umpteenth time.

Before your increased contact with Veneziano, your relationship was, by all accounts, normal.

You met Lovino by happenstance, and your romance blossomed at a pace that felt comfortable and right. He was nothing but loving and attentive, if a bit temperamental at times. But after you meet his brother, you notice a palpable shift in his attitude. He snaps at people more and always seems to be in deep thought. But he’s kinder in some ways as well. He’s now always concerned about your safety and likes to know where you’re going beforehand, not after the fact like you used to do. He figured out that you love the gifts he gets you, so you now receive way more of them. He’s more appreciative of everything you do as well. So much so that one day, after a particularly elaborate meal, he suggests you quit your job to take care of the home. To his delight, you eventually agree, but any joy is quickly stamped out when he hears you happily explaining your new living arrangement to his brother.

He can’t stand it really, as his mind sails through countless scenarios, unearthing trauma he thought had been resolved (or safely buried) since the early Renaissance. He doesn't know why his mind takes him in this direction, but then again he doesn't know a lot of things. He doesn't know why efforts to separate the two of you don't work, or why nothing he does ever seems to work. Why is it that he is never enough? Why, after so many attempts and failures, did Grandfather never really seem to grow fond of him? 

After yet another night of being forced to confront these long-dormant worries, he decides enough is enough. If you cannot take the hints he has so kindly given you, then he will separate the two of you by force.

Long gone are your days of exploring the city alone. No more impromptu cafe trips, walks around the park, or unsupervised trips to the post office. You are expected to stay at home, and at home you stay.

“Amore mio, it’s too dangerous out there,” he says. “There’s nothing nearby worth seeing, and you know how I feel about you driving.”

And you believe him because why wouldn’t you? He cares for you more than anyone! More than your coworkers, your friends who stopped visiting, or even your family who mysteriously don’t care enough to call anymore…

And just like that, you have been delegated to remain in the domicile. Showering him and only him with your seemingly infinite divine grace for as long as time permits it.

It’s so simple that he regrets not doing it sooner.

As for his ingrate brother, he will do anything to ensure he does not go sniffing anywhere he need not be. 

It takes nothing to ruin Veneziano’s reputation. To oust him as an incompetent womanizer. Someone whose words of concern should never be taken seriously.

To Lovino, it is well worth it. He’ll put an end to the madness, he must. Even if it means making you unhappy, or betraying his own blood, or dirtying his hands with sin, or being at the receiving end of your icy gaze for the rest of eternity.

But you aren’t unhappy, are you now? You’re over the moon, and why wouldn’t you be? You are given everything you need and more. Besides, Lovino doesn't like it when you frown.

“Look happy now. You have no reason not to,” he always says.

[markiafc]

curiously and politely paging @fancifulpurposelesslovely to ask about summer sons thoughts, if that's okay!

in particular, the andrew/sam power dynamic + what that means for their relationship post-canon, because i think we both picked up on the same undertones in the text but came to different interpretations. and i'm just intrigued to poke more at your take and hear more about it.

on my end, the baseline of it is, i think andrew's passiveness and his over-reliance on a second party to act as his lighthouse is present throughout the events of the book. he expresses this desire explicitly and implicitly, to be owned, leashed, and led. and i've always seen it as a result of trauma more than anything else, relating to the cavern and therefore to eddie as well. i often think andrew's arc is about many things, but one of the top things is that he's learning to be a real boy. instead of being half a human being, living only a small portion of personhood. the way he was after the cavern and early on in the book.

i think there's andrew grows a lot throughout and comes into his own; the eddie/andrew relationship feels like it is hardcore bdsm-coded but for two boys who don't know anything and they're just kids thrust into this dynamic to cope, and even eddie seems to become miserable and burdened by having to carry andrew through life. it feels like to me he really did want that space away from andrew. he really wanted to have a world, a time with things he forged in nashville just for himself, albeit temporarily. the cavern is this thing that forced them both into this shape and they never got the help to learn another way of being, no matter how miserable it made them amidst the intimacy and love.

and the story is, to me, andrew slowly expanding his horizons, unearthing parts of himself and his life that he had been cut off from, and finally getting a feel for who he really is, a complete andrew blur. he discovers and accesses his sexuality for the first time, both sexual sensibilities and his sex drive. and unlike with eddie, he lets himself engage with his agency as a human being; he breaks into a whole new world through sam, and finds that he's able to have a different kind of dynamic with him, finds that he can grasp at his anger and annoyance at being ordered around and act on it. theres no need to make himself do what sam wants just because sam wants it, and he feels comfortable delivering a rejection. ("i'm not your bitch so tell him yourself.")

the cavern stunted him as a person and eddie too, and there's a throughline there about overlooked childhood trauma. especially for male queer victims in a suburban setting, already expected to be social and sexually active with women and drug-using.

character arc-wise, and mostly centering andrew blur, i've always thought he would outgrow the heavily codependent dynamic he had with eddie, where his primary role in life was to act as eddie's right hand man of sorts, everything eddie wants eddie gets, and andrew blur exists to provide a personal service to eddie fulton. hobbies, academics, careers, relationships, every sector of his life he has developed not for himself but in devotion of someone else. someone he was forced to become metaphorical bride to at 12.

post-canon, after andrew's matured and come into his own, i imagine he can bring these new parts of himself into the relationship with sam, things he never had with eddie. and it would be different, something straying further from bdsm dynamics.

and this got real long, but i'm curious because i feel like you know more about the bdsm side of things better than i do. and my own is pretty rudimentary, so andrew never struck me as someone who is submissive and enjoys it.

this is not to say sam/andrew don't have those vibes, they soo do, andrew/eddie were 10000% like that in practice, and andrew definitely has the submissive markers. though to me, he embodied that role, developed those traits and lived that life with eddie due do a unique set of traumatic circumstance.

so, no hate or judgement, i just wanted to share and wanted to hear more about this book. especially from a different perspective, when i feel like we both did read the same book and saw the same things. i'm more than happy to trade takes.

open invitation to talk about this book and the andrew/sam power dynamics, basically!

[nebulouscoffee]

For the character ask game: Hoshi Sato, Seven of Nine, and Wesley Crusher!

Hahaha thanks for being my no.1 enabler as usual and sending me such a great triple ask! Prepare for Essay <3

Hoshi

one aspect about them i love

Her whole multilingual thing and having to figure it all out without the Universal Translator was so, so cool to me. Honestly, when I think back to what worked from Enterprise's whole "early days" pitch, it's the first thing that comes to mind. And gosh her backstory with the isolation she felt as a gifted child who spent most of her time in classes... all those languages, and no one to speak to. Really makes her presence on Earth's first deep space mission Hit Different!

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

Well, that she's actually quite a three-dimensional character! Yes, they often didn't know what to do with her and her screentime got reduced later on, but she's more than just the "naive young ensign" archetype- in fact, one of my favourite things about her is how uniquely real she feels (that scene where she had to settle a dispute with some aliens they'd accidentally pissed off and she didn't even speak their language and was straight up on the verge of tears while talking to them, but then gradually gained confidence? That sort of stuff with her was so good!)

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

Personally I will never be over the fact that in like season FOUR or something they just randomly dropped that she was originally discharged from Starfleet (!!) for getting into a fight (!!!?) over an illegal poker game she was running (iirc??) and breaking her commanding officer's arm (??!?) because apparently she has a black belt in Aikido (!!??!) Good lord, how many other secret skills does she have then? She's literally a prodigy who grew up with no friends I bet there's dozens lmaooo I bet she can pick locks and yodel and swing from a trapeze

one character i love seeing them interact with

She and Phlox have a sweet dynamic- you get the sense that her curiosity and open-mindedness and friendliness really make him feel more at home, as one of the only aliens on the ship

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

T'Pol!! T'Pol, T'Pol- the show gave them little to no scenes together, but it really could've been something so interesting, especially in the context of cultural exchange and nonwestern frameworks. And yes, they make for a wonderful ship too- but judging by the state of our dms lately I certainly don't need to tell you that😂

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

She and Phlox have a whole mini zoo of secret and illegal pets.

Seven

one aspect about them i love

The entire premise of her character is fantastic imo, and Jeri Ryan is terrific in the role. Her quest to discover personhood as an adult while also reckoning with all the violence she inflicted on such a mass scale (which itself was a result of horrifying violations of her own body and mind that she can barely remember) while also trying to reconcile the grief of all those lost years... wow

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

... I mean, I wish the showrunners had understood that Seven works best as part of an ensemble, and "ensemble" means occasionally giving the others something to do?😂😂 And that the whole deal with her biosuit and conventionally feminine hotness just didn't match the character; she should've been allowed to look and act WAY more weird and off-putting I think

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

Ignoring ST: Picard canon (which I always do), I think after Voyager returns to the AQ, Seven would dig deeper into the concept and pursuit of "perfection"- the show painted it as a quasi-religious thing for her, and then never brought it up again! I think now, abruptly ripped from her home and family and confronted with a big scary quadrant to explore, she'd try on spirituality, at least for a little bit- try to reconcile it with her very scientific algorithms of thought, if only so for a brief while she can make the universe make sense

one character i love seeing them interact with

Many answers (Janeway, Tuvok, etc) but I'm going to highlight one I actually didn't notice much on first watch- she and Neelix have kind of an interesting dynamic! They have more scenes together than I remembered, and they give each other some really good advice

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

B'Elanna. Their supposed "rivalry" never really made sense to me lol, they could've come up with a legitimately interesting conflict between them, or just made them friends- as is, it just sort of comes off like they're fighting because... women be like that, I suppose? Lol, don't get me wrong- some of their scenes together are great ("We difficult patients need to stick together") but I wish we'd gotten more

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

She and Tuvok sometimes hang out in the mess hall at night, when the whole ship is dark, and quiet, and they can just stare at the stars, help alleviate each others' loneliness, while also giving each other a break from the exhausting ordeal of conventional socialising. Four hours in and not a single word spoken😌

Wesley

one aspect about them i love

Apart from being generally very sweet and helpful, Wes (and Alexander too) is what makes the crew feel like a family to me- like, this kid just has so many sets of parents! (Bev & Picard are his Parents parents, Data & Geordi are his work parents, Riker & Guinan are his weird parents, Deanna & Tasha are his fun parents, and Worf is... ok Worf can just be Worf lol the poor man has more than enough on his plate already)

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

That he's literally just a child, I suppose. Like- he's fourteen, of course he does and says stupid things on occasion! It generally doesn't bother me when people dislike characters I like but a lot of the Wesley hate I've seen across platforms feels distinctly anti-children in a weirdly malicious way

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

Starfleet Academy must've been a WILD transition for him, I mean sure it's a high-pressure environment and very competitive and everything- but he was on the literal bridge of the flagship of the Federation! All his bffs were highly intelligent and competent (sometimes superhumanly so) adults at the tops of their fields. How much experience does he even have socialising with kids his age? Does he ever feel like he just can't relate to any of them? Probably??

one character i love seeing them interact with

Ooh lots of answers here; I do think he brings out the best in Picard, and I love his dynamic with several others too- but I'm gonna go with Geordi. I know I called him one of Wesley's parents earlier but that was just a joke lol, truthfully Geordi has this extremely chill and almost like brotherly friendship with him, and he always respects Wesley's opinions and hears him out and never really condescends to him and I just think it's neat!

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

Lmao, Beverly. It's really weird how little the show seems to care about their relationship! I mean they obviously do have a positive one, and Bev is very loving and protective of him, but they don't actually share all that much screentime per se. So that means I have to headcanon slightly less positive things, like-

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

what if Beverly's absence during such a crucial year in his life (S2) sort of left a gap in their relationship they never quite managed to patch up? No resentment exactly, just... less connection than before. She's still very important to him of course, but not the first person he'd go to with good news. (I don't mean this in a negative way towards Beverly btw! I actually do like that the show wanted to give her more storylines beyond just being Wesley's Mum)

[yanubishop]

Excerpt from Academic Essay- What is the Relationship between Alienation and Exploitation? How ought we get free?

Conclusion

Theater has the power to make us question our bondage, our agency, and how in charge we ought to be of our emotions and lived experiences. As I previously noted, art has been commodified by the ruling class as propaganda, a weapon against the masses. The ruling class not only understands the power art holds, but they harness it to carry out exploitative and alienating conditions, domination Theater of the Oppressed hopes to show that “it is necessary to create appropriate theatrical forms” (Boal). Historically theater came from the people, by the people, for the people. There weren't “some persons on stage while some would be able to act” (Boal). This came from “aristocracy and established divisions”, the rise of modernity and capitalism. They created a culture where, “the rest will remain seated, receptive, passive.” The “rest” of these people were the spectators, the masses, the people. Here we see a literal alienating effect, where people have been separated, given gridlocked titles, where they will each perform binding tasks. This alienation serves those in charge of these new theater spaces, who hope to gain monetary profits from art. But the essence, the true sensualness of the theatrical experience has been erased from our understanding of theater.

Capitalism alienates us from ourselves and the community. Without connection, community and reciprocity cannot flourish. Boal hopes to destroy “the barriers created by the ruling classes.” These barriers are seen through the ways they have exploited theater production, through their alienation of the actor and spectator. And even in theatrical narratives, he hopes to “destroy the barrier between protagonists and choruses.” Overall these barriers allow for an exploitative process of theater to be taken up and adapted by the masses, while only serving the ruling class. To undo this, he hopes to reconcile theater praxis with those it ought to serve, the masses.

He notes that “The bourgeois... recently discovered the enormous persuasive power of the theater and related arts.” And that they used this finding to develop an “exemplary type of play/film, which tries to reinforce some of the values revered by capitalist society.” Our current theater/film culture has been heavily saturated with the ideals of settler colonialism. Although this reality is sad, it holds hope for liberation efforts.

Theater of the oppressed seeks to use theater praxis to create tools, activities, and artworks that help de-alienate the parts of ourselves colonialism has forced us to forget. To take the means of theater production back, “man must control his own body, know his body, to make it more expressive.” Boal continues, expressing the importance of practicing theater forms that will help the masses, free themselves from the condition of “spectator and take on that of actor...he ceases to be an object and becomes a subject, is changed from witness to protagonist.” This plan is grand, but theater and praxis can be organized into a plan, a system, and a practice that can be shared by all.

It is no coincidence that Augusto Boal’s praxis consists of people understanding their bodies, and learning the true range of their personhood. He notes that “the theater experience should begin not with something alien to the people, but with the bodies of those who agree to participate in the experiment.” Theater of the oppressed believes that theater came from the people for the people, so it should always be rooted in that foundation. Settler-colonialism forces us into things unfamiliar to us, and the same has been done in theater.

Theater praxis is structured but malleable-it teaches you to be patient, how to have dialogue, to imagine, and to always do things to your best ability in community. I believe this is why Theater of the Oppressed is essential to liberation efforts. The structure of this praxis can provide a way for us to practice, imagine, in so pushing for liberation and creating the types of communities we want to exist in. Exploitation will only be allowed to continue as long as there are people who have been alienated from themselves, their communities, their freedom. This violent process has been enforced by law and order and normalized through social institutions and systems. Exploitation and alienation have a strong backing, so we must fight back with something equally as effective. I do not think Theater of the Oppressed praxis is the ultimate answer, but I hope it shows the true potential this praxis has for fighting settler-colonialism.

[aspoonofsugar]

Penny’s Final Word

Cinder might have had the final word of the volume and that is a meta for another time. Still, there is another character who got to have another important final word:

Penny: Let me choose this one thing.

Penny’s arc has always been about self-actualization and escaping objectification.

She was created to be a weapon and everything was decided for her by basically... everyone:

Both enemies and loved ones alike ended up choosing for her multiple times, so it is fitting that Penny herself is the one who has the last word about herself. She makes the final choice that decides how her life should end and what her legacy should be.

At the same time, Penny’s final choice and sacrifice perfectly tie together all the major themes explored in the Atlas arc.

This analysis will try to explore her arc and to show how it is central to everything the Atlas volumes wanted to convey.

PENNY AND HER FAIRIES

What makes a person a person and not something else?

This is a key question in Penny’s story and it can’t be answered without addressing who her Blue Fairy is.

Is it Fria?

Or Ambrosius?

The answer is neither and both. These two characters are definately references to the Blue Fairy, but they are not the ones who make Penny feel human. The one who does is ironically a red fairy:

You saw my soul Through the nuts and bolts You're the friend I can trust Helped me see I'm not just a machine

It is Ruby’s aknowledgement of Penny’s personhood that makes Penny feel alive.

So, what about Fria and Ambrosius? What is their role?

Fria chooses Penny as the next Winter Maiden. This is a powerful moment thematically because it is an aknowledgement of Penny’s humanity. She has always been a real girl, a Maiden at Heart, hence she can be given the powers and protect them.

Ambrosius removes Penny’s robotic parts and makes the “real” Penny come to the surface:

Ambrosius: Okay, but if I take the robot parts out of her, that would leave...

Blake: Penny. The girl who's always been there underneath it.

Penny’s new body is human because Penny has always been human and has always wanted to feel human.

In short, these two moments are moments of recognition of Penny’s humanity. She becomes a human both in soul (Fria) and body (Ambrosius). In particular, she has always had a human soul and this is why it can be tied to the power of the Maiden. When it comes to her body, she aquires a human one because her new appearance is nothing, but a mirror of her soul.

Still, even if these two moments are both meaningful, they are also moments where Penny receives something passively. They are aknowledgements of Penny’s humanity yes, but Penny wants more. She wants personhood aka to live as her own person.

To truly become a person one must be able to make their own choices. And interestingly, Penny’s free will is linked to both moments with her two blue fairies.

Ambrosius’s magic does not simply give Penny a human body, but it gives her back her freedom. Not only that, but it makes it impossible hacking her ever again.

Fria’s interaction with Penny is more complicated.

First of all, Fria does not impose the power on Penny, but asks her to make a choice:

Fria: Penny. Are you the one?

Penny: I…

And Penny does so in a sense, but it is gray. Penny is given no time to think about this choice, differently from both Winter and Pyrrha. It is something imposed on her by the events:

Penny: But taking the Maiden power was the only way to stop--

Moreover, it is something she very clearly does not want:

Penny: I was the protector of Mantle, but now, I am much more than that, and I wish I was not.

In short, Penny’s interaction with Fria is a recognition of her humanity, but also a duty imposed on her by external occurrences.

It is not what Penny herself wants. To truly be human, instead, Penny should make her own choices and be given the chance to pursue what she wants.

Still, what does she truly wishes for?

PENNY AND HER JIMINY CRICKETS

Penny’s wish is made obvious since her first appearance:

Penny: "You called me 'friend'! Am I really your friend?"

Ruby: "Uuuum... Y-Yeah, sure! Why not?"

My wish came true That day that you appeared And called me friend

She wants friends to the point that Ruby’s awkward aknowledgement of their friendship is enough to make Penny completely loyal to the other girl.

At the same time, there are many Jimini Crickets that go in the way of Penny’s wish for friendship:

Penny: I've never been to another kingdom before. My father asked me not to venture out too far, but... You have to understand, my father loves me very much; he just worries a lot.

(...)

Penny: I... was asked not to talk to you. Or Weiss. Or Blake. Or Yang. Anybody, really.

Ruby: Was your dad that upset?

Penny: No, it wasn't my father...

Both Ironwood’s high expectations and Pietro’s overprotectiveness make so that she is not free to enjoy her own life as she wants.

She arrives to the point that she comes up with a plan to stay at Beacon with her new friends:

Penny: Ruby, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. I want to stay at Beacon.

Ruby: Penny, they'll never let you do that.

Penny: I know, but I have a plan.

However, we never discover what this plan is:

This does not happen by chance and Penny’s plan is not a dropped plot-point. It is symbolic of how her agency is completely negated. She is objectified to the point that her story is interrupted before she can take any action. It is a meta-way to comment her character and her major struggle.

Penny’s first death is more than a murder. It is a way to refuse Penny’s personhood and agency:

Ruby:  And Penny… was killed… just to make a statement.

She is used as a symbol of Atlas’s shady research. Penny’s own self is forgotten in the chaos that follows.

The same thing happens in Atlas as well:

Ruby: I don't think Robyn was their target. Salem's goal has always been to divide us. I think Penny was exactly where they wanted her, just like at the Vytal Festival.

This time she is not framed as a victim, but as a perpetrator and used as the symbol of an authoritarian regime.

Her enemies’ objectification of Penny is made clear in many ways:

Cinder: I have come too far to be stopped by some toy!

Cinder: You’re just a tool to be used!

Salem:  Although he remains in captivity, it seems that he has worked with Ironwood to gain some control over the puppet masquerading as the Winter Maiden.

And Watts’s virus is just the culmination of it. It is the embodyment of the Jiminy Cricket trying to overwrite what Penny wants.

At the same time, though, Penny’s enemies are not the only ones who try to control her:

Pietro: I lost you before. Are you asking me to go through that again? No. No. I want the chance to watch you live your life.

Penny: But dad… I am trying to.

Penny’s loved ones have tried to protect her all along. However, this wish of protection ends up going in the way of what she really wants:

I've been combat-ready since The day dad made me Now I'll fight for something more Might sound wholesome, But strangely I've got friends Fighting for

What Penny wants is to fight together and for her friends. She does not want her life to be considered less than others’. Still, she does not even want it to be put before others’:

Cinder: I don’t serve anyone. And you wouldn’t either, if you weren't built that way.

Penny: That is not…I choose to fight for people who care about me.

In short, it is as Maria says:

Maria: Don’t you think Penny has had enough people telling her what to do?

PENNY AND BEING A REAL GIRL

At its root, Penny’s struggle has always been this:

Penny: I feel like I wish I could do both the things I need to do and the things I want to do. Is that normal?

She wants to reconcile her duty and her personal wishes.

It is her duty to accept the power of the Maiden and to protect it.

It is her wish to live with her friends and to protect them.

These two things end up coming into conflict multiple times:

Penny: And after the launch, I’ll return to help you all with the evacuation.

Pietro: About that, Penny. When Amity goes up, I think you should be on it with Maria and I.

Penny: But they need me here. Right?

Ruby: Well, if you stay far out of Salem’s reach, then she can’t open the vault. She can’t get to the relic. So...

Weiss: Maybe it is for the best?

Until the finale where Penny makes a specific choice:

Weiss: Penny, no!

If Penny were to act as the perfect Maiden, she would have just gone to Vacuo with the staff. In this way she could have protected both the relic and the power. Even if Cinder had ended up killing all her friends, Salem would have still lost.

However, Penny decides not to act as a Maiden, but as a friend:

Penny: You wouldn’t know anything about friends.

Even the reason why Cinder manages to mortally wound her is because Penny is worried about Jaune and Weiss and gets distracted for a second:

However, it is specifically in the moment of her death that Penny is able to make a choice to reconcile both who she is and what she has to do.

She chooses to protect the power:

Penny: She can’t get the staff..and the power.

And to save a friend:

Penny: I thought of you. And here we are.

Winter would have died without the Maiden powers and the same can be said about the people stranded in Vacuo. Penny saves all by choosing to be the one in control of her death.

Her choice is extremely powerful thematically and it ties together all the themes explored in these last two volumes.

1) It is a choice about trust:

Penny: Trust me.

Winter: Thank you for trusting me with this.

Penny asks to be trusted and chooses to trust as well. After all, this is what friendship is all about:

Attached but not By strings

It is a choice that uses the motif of “the part of you” in two different ways.

2)  Becoming a part of someone else can be seen as a reference to the process of grieving, which is one of the themes explored in this volume:

Grieving means to come to terms with your loss, to accept your feelings for the people who are gone and also their contradictions:

Robyn: Clover was a lot of things. You respected him, but I gotta tell ya, I think you’re the better Huntsman.

Vine: Then perhaps Clover was wrong too.

The lost ones will be missed regardless:

Harriet: Don't you dare! Clover was... He was...

Vine: ...Important to you.

Still, once you manage to finally grieve, you’ll realize the other person has become a part of you:

It does not matter if Qrow’s semblance has evolved, if it is a part of Clover’s power having stayed attached to the pin, both or if it is Clover looking out for them.

What’s important is that Clover will keep on living inside Qrow because Qrow will never forget him or what Clover has taught him:

Clover: You shouldn't do that, you know.

Qrow: Don't worry, I-I gave that up.

Clover: I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.

Qrow should love himself. Only in this way he can stop being a self-fulfilling curse. Only in this way he can start looking at his own life with hope and wish for good luck.

Similarly, Penny won’t be forgotten and her legacy will live through Winter:

Penny: She's… gone.

Winter: No. She's a part of you now.

Penny: I won’t be gone, I’ll be part of you.

3) Penny becomes a part of Winter because Winter is finally able to do this:

Winter: But yes Penny, we must still acknowledge our personal feelings, wrestle with them. It ensures us that we're on the right path. It's what makes us human.

Winter is the one who taught Penny this, but it is obvious that through volume 7 and 8 she has avoided to face her feelings for both her family and Ironwood. By the end of volume 8, however, she is finally able to accept her emotions. She can finally follow her heart. Penny becoming “a part of her” is symbolic of this. As a matter of fact their dynamic has always been about Winter acting as “the mind” and Penny being “the heart”.

Symbolically they integrate because they both are becoming their own person even if in different ways.

Winter becomes her own person because she rejects this mentality:

Winter: Penny. The general is making hard choices so we don't have to.

Penny becomes her own person because she is finally in control of herself and her destiny. Moreover, she is able to do for Winter what Ruby has done for her:

Winter: No, Penny, you were always the real Maiden at heart. I was just a machine. Just… following orders.

Penny: You’re my friend.

She affirms Winter’s personhood and in this way she affirms her own as well.

In other words, this version of Pinocchio does not end with the protagonist being transformed into a real boy by the Blue Fairy, but with Penny transforming Winter in the Blue Fairy:

So “becoming fully human” in RWBY means to do this:

Qrow:  This last great creation would be given the power to both create and destroy. It would be given the gift of knowledge, so that it could learn about itself and the world around it. And most importantly, it would be given the power to choose, to have free will to take everything it had learned and decide which path to follow - the path of light or the path of darkness. And that is how Humanity came to be.

It is about gaining knowledge, like Penny does about feelings and relationships, loving life and accepting death. Finally, it is about making a choice, even if it is painful.

This is because being human is not always simple. It can be hard:

But I found that humanity It came with sacrifice

Having a human soul means you have a duty to do the right thing out of your own free will, like Fria’s gift showed.

Having a human body means you can experience the warmth of a hug:

But it also means you can be mortally wounded:

This is Ambrosius’s teaching.

Still, it was worth it all for Penny because she got the chance to meet friends and to feel alive:

An answered prayer A chance to Share the world To be a girl Who fin'lly felt alive

This is why her second death can be juxtaposed to her first one. Both times she was killed by Cinder. However, the first time she was used as a pawn in Cinder’s plan. This time instead she is not letting herself be controlled and she negates Cinder what she really wants out of her own free will.

In conclusion, there is this phrase by Jean-Paul Sartre:

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

And I think it sums up Penny’s story perfectly.

Penny does not choose to be born a robot or to be used as a weapon. She is objectified in multiple ways...

Still, she manages to make something amazing out of herself.

[evilvarric666-archive]

its crazy how we can get so many diff things from the same story like thats real proof of how multifaceted multilayered and cunty this story is.. like. im walking while i write this and not checking it twice so it might end up making no fucking cents but. ive always seen dao as a game about (among other things) rebirth and its one of the main reasons why im still so in love with it.. like the best origins ACTUALLY start with a baptism of blood for the wardens.. brosca is born and recognized as an actual person in the surface but that could only happen after their baptism of blood (the proving in a minor way, but mainly the murder of behrat by their own hands, them emerging from the surface coated not only in remnants of the blood of the warrior and noble caste from the proving but mainly bathed in behrats blood, the remains of the dwarf that was a living reminder of how, in the eyes of orzammar, they would never be considered a person, only property, only a tool). through their blood, though his death, rebirth. like the fact tht they get their autonomy, their agency, the thing that literally separates a person from a possession AFTER the death of behrat and their ascension to the surface. them carving themselves a path out with THEIR OWN HANDS, THE LATENT BELIEF THAT LIFE HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE, AND THEIR DESIRE TO LIVE AND BE RECOGNIZED, EVEN IF THEY HAD TO FORCE PEOPLE TO RECOGNIZE THEM AS A PERSON, but ultimately getting to leave their old inhuman existence behind through the help of others(1/?)

(2/?)brosca only getting collectively recognized as a person after going to the surface, the place where not only do they get to see real light and breathe fresh air, and actually FEEL unabashedly for the first time in their entire life, but also where they get to feel how its like to be treated like a regular individual. the first place where they are treated kindly and decently. brosca having to face the reality of their own latent mortality firsthand during the very same night of the day they arrive at ostagar. and them getting to experience the fullness and complexity of life and emotion, and the power that lies in them, only during the first blight, a time that is supposed to be the most hopeless and horrifying of times, but that is instead experienced by them as the year where they discovered not only themselves as a person through love, kindness and companionship, but also others. like dragon age origins is literally Life: the speedrun for some of the characters and the player. some of these mfs never got to live or be people before the events of dao. morrigan, zevran and brosca are reborn through other people's love and active recognition of their humanity. alistair only had a real sense of identity for the first time when duncan chose him and took him away and that stayed with him as an act of love. wynne was reborn when she fused with faith and she describes this new state of existence as "constantly feeling loved". oghren got another chance at life in the surface, and was reborn as a "hero" and later on, as a grey warden. sten "dies" when he loses his sword, becomes someone different and goes back home a changed man, despite looking the same. shale is murdered and put through literal hell by having her body turned into a literal tool, her identity and sense of personhood lost in the transformation and through others treatment of her as a tool. she spends years living as an object before being born again during the fifth blight, the first time ever she is allowed agency, gets her memories of her old life, is treated, loved, and recognized as a person, and chooses her own path for the first time ever.

(3/3)leliana dying after her torture and actually being reborn as a person due to the love that she found in the chantry. and the truth that rebirth, personhood, identity and humanity are not ever truly reached through violence.. always through courage, love and acceptance. i said v little abt zev and morrigan but like. morrigan's example being quite literally breaking free of her old life as her mother's tool, learning how to be a person, her own person, and being recognized and loved as one and not seen as something wicked and inhuman for the first time, and having the symbol of her humanity, identity and personhood returned to her (the mirror), just to end her story by her loving someone so much that she sacrifices her new life just to allow them to continue living. zev's rebirth as a person kinda mirrors morrigans, but it always drives me crazy how its like. recognized by the narrative as him actually choosing his identity as the black shadow after the fifth blight. like actual rebirth through love happens there, this actually being validated by taliesins line of "does zevran need to live?". the jarring difference between brosca and leske during their return to orzammar and the fact that zev mustve felt the same when he encountered taliesin again. the fact that both taliesin and leske are both the doubles and mirror/inverted images of zev and brosca, and that looking at them must've felt like looking at their won corpse. anyways something something humanity is only reached through love something something phoenix rises from the ashes etc. like the way that dao is both a story of rebirth and a love story because those two things are one and the same due to the deeply transformative nature of love, real love... this game fucks severely it sucks so fucking bad that dai was pure ass. umm anyways i forgot where i was going with this & its prolly unintelligible but umm. im a huge fan of your da posts especially the unhinged ones <3

[tsutsumi-kaina]

Theory: AFO Gave Tomura Decay (Part 2)

Continued from this post (link!)

Warning: This post has spoilers for both the most recent chapters of MHA (up to ch. 316) as well as spoilers for Vigilantes (up to ch. 109).

Straight to the point:

5. Tomura’s eyes and hair change color with the activation of Decay

It’s easy to write this one off as the anime making questionable choices about Tomura’s color scheme yet again (five years of baby blue hair ya’ll)— but just for giggles, let’s just assume that Horikoshi did intend for Tenko's natural eye color to be black, just like Nana and Kotaro. 

Now, there's a theory that Decay's activation destroyed all of Tomura's melanin, which is a theory I enjoy because it totally tracks (albinos lack pigmentation and they have "red eyes" because we're seeing their blood vessels rather than the actual color of their irises). I also like the “his hair went white from the trauma” and “he straight up went super saiyan” theories, because I’m a sucker that kind of specifically anime bullshit. 

But what if none of those theories are right? What if there was another reason why Tomura's hair and eyes change color? What if the change was meant to foreshadow something just a bit more... sinister?

Presented Without Comment

Through Dabi/Touya’s story we know that quirk factors do have an effect on things like hair color, and can even change a person's hair color upon activation— when Rei’s quirk factor becomes “dominant,” we see that Touya's hair gradually begins to turn white as his body changes to become more suited to an ice quirk despite his own quirk being fire-based.

That sound familiar?

So, Tomura's change to red eyes and white hair specifically  starts to look more than a little insidious if we assume that A) AFO has always  planned to turn Tenko into a new vessel, and B) Tenko actually got his first “dose” of AFO in the form of Decay + a pseudo-vestige, and his body has been gradually changing to become more hospitable for AFO's quirk factor. Exposure to AFO’s quirk factor (and it raging around inside of him like a damn virus) may be the true cause of Tomura’s palette swap.

6. Tenko is 5 when decay manifests, even though it’s been repeatedly stated that age 4 is the latest age that quirks manifest.

This point has also been discussed to death, with people arguing that Tomura simply had to amass enough hatred for Decay to fully manifest (see point 2 on why this “explanation” was most likely just AFO being a gigantic fucking troll). I’ll instead encourage folks to evaluate this point from a narrative standpoint— Hori drew attention to Tenko’s age and his quirklessness for a reason.

“Will he like me if I get my quirk!?”  Uhhh....

And Tenko likely having been born quirkless leads to the next point:

7. Tenko, The Quirkless Wonder (or: how having a quirkless vessel is an integral part of AFO’s plan to snatch OFA and not straight up fucking die in the process)

Tenko being born quirkless makes him a perfect candidate to tolerate the simultaneous burden of both OFA/AFO without his lifespan getting completely drained in the process-- the nomufication surgery was more likely just a measure that was taken to make sure Tomura's body was strong enough to make use of both quirks right away.

8. You know what? *beats the dead horse anyway*

Man, isn’t there a sale at Men’s Warehouse you’re late to???

I know I said I wouldn’t touch on this point but come the fuck on, mister twenty-four-seven biz cas isn’t even trying to hide it 

Bonus Points:

Machia's sense of smell - Machia tracks others through scent, and is somehow able to locate Tomura after the LOV has hidden themselves deep within the mountains. This is in spite the fact that they've never met before (Machia literally asks Tomura "Are you the one who succeeded AFO?"-- so we can assume he was not secretly tracking or observing Tomura from afar).  We know that if Machia's never met a person before, he obviously can't track them via scent-- we see this when he has to stop and literally ask Mina for directions during a flashback. But he still manages to track down the LOV when not even the police/heroes had any inkling of their location. So. If Machia and Tomura have never met before, how was Machia able to find him? As funny as it is to imagine AFO rubbing a pair of dirty sneakers in Machia's face like he's an overgrown bloodhound, I'll put forth the following theory-- Machia was sniffing out Decay's quirk factor rather than Tomura himself. If Decay was formerly in the possession of AFO, and/or if a part of AFO’s quirk factor already exists inside Tomura, then tracking him down is a cinch for Machia.

AFO's pasttime is villain creation - There's a whole scene in Vigilantes where AFO discusses the true nature of a "villain," then brags about being able to create villains by causing imbalances in one's quirk + giving people unsuitable quirks + stimulating quirks with a "violent will" and forcing them to go haywire. It's, uh. Fairly damning, to say the least.

AFO may have used Decay to kill Nana - This one is more conspiracy theory than actual theory, and it may seem like a huge stretch, but hear me out! In its untrained form, we see that Decay reduces people to chunks instead of dusting them-- but it leaves their hands perfectly intact. It feels far too coincidental that AFO just so happened  to leave Nana’s hand intact after killing her, and apparently decided to preserve that hand for 30 years on a total whim— and then, wouldn’tcha know it, Tenko just so happens to manifest a quirk that pulps everything but miraculously leaves the hands of those victims perfectly intact. And AFO being sick enough to give a little boy who wants to be a hero the same quirk that killed his hero grandma is a given at this point.

 - - - - - - - - -

Anyway, I get that a lot of folks dislike this theory because it takes away a lot of Tomura’s agency-- but honestly, his entire character arc has been about him trying to rediscover his true self and reclaiming his agency after a lifetime of having his identity abused out of him by pretty much everyone he’s ever met. AFO was always going to be the final boss of that character arc, which has been less about “becoming the greatest villain” (and hoo boy people on twitter are reeeeally hung up on this particular misconception about Tomura’s arc) and more about discovering his true convictions and “becoming his own person”-- Just as Izuku’s character arc is about becoming his own person and learning to actually value himself, rather than him just becoming All Might 2.0 who acts as a hero at the complete expense of his own personhood.

I don’t feel that Decay being an implant from AFO harms Tomura’s character arc in any way-- rather, confronting the lie that he was somehow “born evil” and exists as a slave to Decay’s destructive impulse feels like the next hurdle Tomura needs to overcome before he can truly reclaim his agency. 

[lunam-flore]

African... American?

This comic was not made to demonize the African American community so if you come at me acting like such, I'll just block you! (: I have just as much of a right to talk about my own personal experiences living in the U.S. and the emotional struggles of being a child of immigrants. Similarly, if you are a non POC taking this as clearance to demonize the Black community at large you will also be blocked. Glad we had this talk. Sorry, I try not to put my image description I.D.s at the bottom of a post but in this instance I wanted to be sure that my disclaimer was hard to miss. Here you are:

[ID: Most of these statements are accompanied by illustrations of cats, made to be exaggerated, lighthearted and humorous to soften the serious blow.

“2021 has been a year of non-stop self-reflection and discovery for me. From my personhood, to my conditions and neurology, to things that I suspect are just the beginning of its own journey.

(all three of these things are accompanied by comical illustrations of my character discovering they are INFJ-T, may have neurological differences or disorders they hadn’t been aware of, and that they’re demisexual.)

But recently, I was set on a path of self-reflection that I wasn’t really prepared to deal with.”

White Furred Cat: What’s that language you’re speaking?

Dark Brown Cat: It’s an American Creole. If you’re not African American, it’s not your place to know.

Myself: Whoa, I had no idea an American Creole existed! Could I know a little more about it? I’m black. My ancestry is tied to Haiti.

(Both dark brown cats look at my character with discomfort.)

Dark Brown Cat: Sorry, but no.

(Next panel is a comical illustration of my character panicking over a “2021 Existential Crisis Bingo” card. A box titled “racial identity dysphoria” is focused on.)

“Was their response wrong? I don’t think so. At least they were polite about it. I guess it could’ve been worse. But I was still left wishing and wishing and wishing I had never asked at all. I found myself facing old demons I hadn’t been ready to reckon with."

"My family on my dad’s side didn’t live close by, and they weren’t that interested in engaging with us kids—especially after my parents divorced. The only cousins we had all lived states away, so we didn’t know each other very well.”

“I grew up largely surrounded by Caucasian classmates. When you’re shy and brown, fitting in can be a real problem.”

White Cat: Why’s your skin dark? Did you bathe in a sewer?

White Cat 2: What are you anyway?

“They frequently assumed my identity rather than asking, seeing what they wanted to see.”

White Cat 3: Aren’t you a… you know… Muslim?

White Cat 4: Hey! You’re Mexican, right? Did you come here legally?

“But it wasn’t any different with my black peers, either. One of my worst bullies was someone I considered to be like me. These were the kids I related to the most, and yet I felt an unspoken otherness around them, too.”

“I’d always considered myself to be African American. Black, and born and raised in America. But that didn’t stop me from struggling to fit in regardless of who I was with. Maybe my otherness was all too visible to everyone else, even if I didn’t see it. Or just… didn’t want to see it. Didn’t want to admit that I was more different from my peers than I wanted to believe. That my feelings of unbelonging weren’t unfounded.”

“I do wonder if that’s what led to my fixating on certain characters as a kid, whose identity was simply themselves. Unconcerned with the blends that made them other in the end.” (this panel has drawings of Amalthea from The Last Unicorn and Balto from the 1990s animated film.)

“If that’s what influenced my current interests and passions.” (this panel has drawings of a dragon and a gryphon within a sketchbook.)

“My uniqueness is valued. My uniqueness is prided on. My uniqueness is loved.” (this panel has my character holding a unicorn book, flanked on either side by the Haiti and Trinidad/Tobago flag.)

“But my uniqueness… can make things pretty lonely sometimes, too.” End ID]

[dragonmuse]

Sam is the Pie: An Incoherent Swear-Filled Supernatural Rant (look it’s been a long year)

So for Reasons, I recently re-watched Dark Side of the Moon and immediately started crying even though I thought I had divorced the Winchesters in 2014.  

Since the last time I watched this episode, I’ve become a parent and I wanted to go absolutely feral as Dean reenacts his happy memory with his mother. We have to assume that when the memory was made, Dean was at most barely four years old, but more likely three. He experiences this brief moment of tenderness, the simple act of a sandwich being made to his preference and then is immediately called on to caretaker. Sam witnesses his hug with Mary and sees it as Dean cleaning up after his father.

Dean is a fucking preschooler. He’s not cleaning up a mess like he will as an adult. For preschoolers, the caretakers in your life are the bedrock of your days and nights. You haven’t come to a teenage or even tween understanding that adults may fail you. You have to take them at face value because you are entirely reliant on them. Dean sees his mother upset which shifts the ground under his feet, so he rushes to say the words that she has probably said to him more than once. “I’ll never leave you”.  And Mary rewards him with pie. Not intentionally, probably more to distract him, but how can a boy who is destined to lose his one steady caretaker not see this as an irrevocable symbol of love. Love is homemade pie (and the pie is a lie).

Look we can talk fathers until the cow’s come home, but one thing that occurred to me watching this time is that Sam is what Dean has left of his mother.  Sam is a tangible piece of his past that doesn’t get burned to the ground.  He is made up of Mary, in his own baby way. As long as Sam is alive…well than Mary is alive, isn’t she?

And Sam becomes Dean’s pie. Sam being intact and preferably happy is a reward system that his father (hereafter known as That Fucking Asshole) reinforces.  To circle back to Dark Side of the Moon, the very first happy memory we see of Dean’s is Sam embracing him over fireworks. A simple night where the highlight is that Sam is happy AND credits Dean for that happiness.  He thanks him specifically and hugs him affectionately which boggles adult Dean so much that he almost doesn’t return it.  

The reward is pie, but the pie itself is a lie. Sam’s happiness is never something Dean can control and as he painfully discovers that Sam’s happiness is in fact tied specifically to moments where Dean is entirely absent. Sam (pretty callously all things considered) says that it’s because he doesn’t see family like Dean does ‘no one cut the crusts off my sandwiches’.

If pie could stab Dean in the heart, the pie is Sam Winchester. Which like Sam is entitled, right? He’s not a pie. He’s not a reward for being a good boy. He is entitled to the personhood that Dean often denies him. He isn’t wrong to say to Dean “I didn’t think of it like that” when he pets a dog and laughs about a memory that to Dean is made entirely of pain (That Fucking Asshole having dealt out some actual pain on to of Dean’s worry and fear).  Sam was a kid, he wasn’t a pie. He wanted things that Dean couldn’t ( and shouldn’t have had to) provide.

Sam’s pie-hood haunts the whole show. Dean is constantly striving for pie and because the pie is a lie, he will always fall short.  Despite whole plot lines getting forgotten like losing lotto tickets, there is a constantly in Dean’s love of pie. Because it’s funny and simple. An easy go to go gag about Dean’s love of crust and pie filling.  

And part of the gag is that Sam doesn’t get it, right? Sam who eats healthy and just isn’t as obsessed with food as Dean is at all (because when there wasn’t enough to go around, Dean gave his food to Sam, risked his freedom to make sure Sam had food, gave him the last bowl of Lucky Charms even though he got none, but I guess he didn’t cut the crusts off the sandwiches so it doesn’t fucking count, huh?  Dean’s hunger is a pit of all the unfulfilled things, all the void inside of him, but it’s pretty funny how much he likes to eat hahahah fuck.)

Anyway, Sam doesn’t get it. Sam forgets. Sam brings cake instead. And so what! Sam is entitled to be a person. Sam is not a pie, he doesn’t have to be a caretaker though he makes vague attempts. He doesn’t have to live up to whatever Dean believes him to be, but it still sucks, doesn’t it? It still sucks when the pie is a lie.

And then there’s Cas (c’mon, I’m not going to forget about him). Cas who crash lands into this chaos of pie neurosis and just looks at Dean and sees all the sticky, crusty pieces that hold together his patchwork soul. Cas isn’t pie, Cas can’t even taste pie, it’s all a pile of molecules and he’s a baby in a trench coat.  And that’s a good thing, okay? Dean has to reckon with actual Cas. Cas is not his father, Cas is not his mother, Cas is not a reward or a punishment (and yeah that’s John and Mary, the punishment and the reward, too much of one, the other cut down over and over just before Dean is about to get his hands on it).  Cas is implacable. Cas sees him. Cas just likes him.

Dean has no fucking clue what to do with that. He tries to make him pie, make him Sam, but Cas just will not fit there. He is the size of the Chrysler building. Cas loves him, steady and abiding, he doesn’t parent him, but he remembers what he likes. He knows to make amends with the things that Dean loves. He tells Dean when things aren’t his fault, makes him confront them when they are.  Dean has to reckon with Cas as a person, instead of all those other things.

And in the end, they give Dean the pie in the cruelest way possible. Sure, Sam gets his happy ‘apple pie’ life. The life Dean wanted for him. Sam lives the way Dean always wanted him to live…except he sees none of it. He gets no more firework hugs. He doesn’t get to cut the crust off his nephew’s sandwhich.  He doesn’t get the pie.  Like so many gags throughout the show, just when he sits down to eat his beloved dessert, something distracts him. Something removes him from the pie.

Dean dies unrewarded. No damn cat, no damn cradle.  

Sam is the pie. The pie is a lie. Heaven has no lover. No person that saw him. Heaven is waiting for the pie that never comes.

[ladyherenya]

This was more-books-than-sometimes month, because rather than take the time to write about the books I'd finished, I just read more books! Also, I read a lot over the Easter break, including some shorter books and a very binge-able series.

Also read: Two-Step and Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet, Hooked by Cathy Yardley, “Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” and “All the Different Shades of Blue” by W.R. Gingell, and “Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells.

Reread: A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer.

Total: nineteen novels (including two audiobooks and one reread), one novella collection, two novellas, two novelettes and one short story.

Cover thoughts: Bellewether’s blue cover is (unsurprisingly) my favourite. I also really like The Ghosts of Sherwood. 

Still reading: A Portrait of Loyalty by Roseanna M. White and Playing Hearts by W.R. Gingell.

Next up: Torch by R.J. Anderson.

My full reviews are on Dreamwidth and LibraryThing.

*

The Rose Code by Kate Quinn (narrated by Saskia Maarleveld): Historical mystery about three young women who worked at Bletchley Park during WWII.

My favourite out of the books I’ve read so far this year. Most of the narrative is set during the war, but interspersed with sections set in 1947 -- when Beth, in a sanitarium after a breakdown, has sent her two estranged friends a coded message begging for help. I loved this, but at times found it stressful and heartbreaking! The writing is so lively and effective and emotional. 4½ ★

 *

Castle Charming by Tansy Raynor Roberts: Fairytale retellings, collection of novellas.

A very entertaining and a somewhat different take on fairytales, focusing on the reporters, Royal Hounds and royalty at Castle Charming. Some of the character dynamics felt similar to those in Roberts’ Unreal Alchemy although I didn’t feel quite as attached to these characters. I’ll read the sequel. 3 ★ 

*

Bellewether by Susanna Kearsley: Historical and contemporary fiction, set in Long Island during the so-called Seven Years War in 1759 and the present day.

Alternates between a curator overseeing turning a house in a museum and some of the house’s previous occupants, including a French-Canadian Lieutenant awaiting hostage exchange. Despite the various tensions the characters face, there’s something slow and ultimately gentle about this story. Which is lovely --  I enjoyed the picturesque sense of place and astute observations of people -- but it is less dramatic than I was expecting. 3½ ★

*

Happy Trail by Daisy Prescott: Contemporary romance, set on the Appalachian Trail.

A park ranger and a hiker shelter together during a storm. I was fascinated by the insight into hiking the Appalachian Trail and enjoyed some of the characters’ interactions, although I thought the way the romance unfolded was somewhat anticlimactic. Not always what I wanted, but I don't regret reading it.

*

Legacy by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary enemies-to-roommates-to-lovers.

Wes offers to move in with his late-best friend’s girlfriend to help her out financially. This sort of hurt/comfort appeals to me. I liked how seriously this story takes Corinne’s messy, consuming grief. I don’t really want to spend any more time with the characters, but I was very invested in seeing them reach a better place in their lives.

Two-Step by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between an actress and a dance instructor. I enjoyed reading this. I particularly enjoyed how Beau helps Iris with her anxiety about dancing and with her controlling mother/manager. He’s very supportive and understanding! But I finished this with a niggling feeling of dissatisfaction -- Iris needed more opportunity to support Beau in turn.

Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between a yoga instructor and her new neighbour, who has just got out of prison.

This one didn’t particularly appeal to me. Although interesting to see the experiences of someone recently released from prison, the romance developed too quickly.

(No, I didn’t read all three of these back-to-back!)

*

Hooked by Cathy Yardley: Contemporary fandom-y romance novella, set near Seattle. Takes place during Level Up and is about two of Tessa’s colleagues.

I enjoyed the characters' interactions and would have liked this more if it hadn't felt rushed. 

*

The Ghosts of Sherwood by Carrie Vaughn: Historical Robin Hood retelling, novella.

Exactly what I wanted! It alternates between Robin and Marian’s eldest daughter, Mary, and Marian herself. I liked seeing Robin and Marian as a long-married couple, who still love each other and still have disagreements. And the dynamic between their children gave me a zing of recognition, reminding me of my siblings. 3½ ★

*

The City Between by W.R. Gingell: Australian YA urban fantasy (murder) mysteries. Set in Hobart.

I ended up enjoying this series so much more than I’d expected to!

Between Jobs: After a neighbour is murdered, our seventeen-year-old orphaned narrator acquires some unexpected housemates -- two fae, one vampire. Once I got past the opening, with its tales of murder, the worldbuilding intrigued me. I still wasn’t sure what I thought about her housemates or the fact that they call her “Pet”, but was willing to reserve judgement until I’d read more. 3 ★

Between Shifts: About supermarket shifts and shapeshifters. Pet and JinYeong go undercover at the local grocery store. This is a reasonable murder mystery. I was initially disappointed with how something played out (but in retrospect can see how that was actually a positive development for Pet). It ended on a cliffhanger, so I was extra motivated to start the next book. 2½ ★

Between Floors: This is where the series took off, because things suddenly get personal! One of her fae housemates has been captured and the closest any of them get to finding Athelas is Pet contacting him in her dreams.This raises a lot of interesting questions, not just about Pet’s abilities, but about her relationship with her housemates. How much does she trust them and how much do they value Pet’s personhood? 3½ ★

Between Frames: Pet’s housemates are hired to investigate a series of fae deaths around Hobart, which involves scrutinising some baffling security footage.  Another solid murder mystery.  The final pages felt like one step forward, two steps back, but yet again, in retrospect, this was a positive development. I’m glad I could dive immediately into the next book. 3 ★

Between Homes: Pet has moved in with some friends. Hurray for Pet having friends! I think this was the point where I started to feel comfortable with Pet calling herself Pet -- when it's the name used by people she likes and trusts and who don’t view her as a pet at all. 3½ ★

“Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” (novelette): An awesome title and an entertaining opportunity to see Pet from someone else’s perspective -- moreover, someone who doesn’t know her or what she’s capable of. 3 ★

Between Walls: Pet’s friend Morgana is worried about an online friends and asks Pet and co to investigate his disappearance. Along the way, they discover that there are human groups who actually know a lot about Behindkind. I am also becoming increasingly entertained by the Korean vampire. 3 ★

“All the Different Shades of Blue” (novelette): A great cover and it explains who that guy at the cafe is, but otherwise didn’t really do anything Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears hadn’t already done -- ie., show us Pet from someone else’s perspective. Most of the time, I have enjoyed this series all the more for binging it, but I suspect this particular story would have worked better if I had read it after a period of absence. 2½ ★

Between Cases:  My favourite of these have been the ones where things get personal, and this involves a lot of revelations about who Pet is -- from a fae perspective -- and why her parents were murdered. I enjoyed this one a lot. 3½ ★

*

The Duke of Olympia Meets His Match by Juliana Gray: Historical espionage romance novella, set in 1893 onboard an ocean liner travelling to England. Apparently not the Duke’s first appearance in Gray’s fiction.

I liked the idea here much better than the execution. I liked Penelope, a fifty-year-old widow dependent upon her position as a governess, and I enjoyed her interactions with the older Duke of Olympia. But parts of the spy plot were rushed or confusing, and the resolution was almost-but-not-entirely satisfying. 2½ ★

*

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer: Fantasy. Follows on from the fairytale-retelling A Curse So Dark and Lonely and its sequel, A Heart So Fierce and Broken.

If this is meant as a conclusion to a trilogy, then the ending was a bit too anticlimactic, with a few too many loose ends, to be really satisfying. But I reached the end feeling positive about the story, because I really enjoyed the characters’ interactions. All of the protagonists have to deal with conflict in relationships. I loved the times when they each navigate these conflicts by acting fairly and communicating honestly, when doing so is often difficult and complicated. That’s realistic and satisfying. 3½ ★

*

“Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells:  Science-fiction short story. Part of The Murderbot Diaries series, set after Exit Strategy.

Very, very short but I really liked seeing things from Dr Ayda Mensah’s (third person) perspective. 3½ ★

*

Emily of Deep Valley by Maud Hart Lovelace: Historical coming-of-age fiction, set in Minnesota in 1912-3.

I am very glad to finally have read this! It’s delightful, a fascinating insight into community life in a Minnesotan town, and it effectively captures the emotional experience of navigating a period of transition. After high school, Emily’s friends  leave for college, but Emily has to find her own path to purposefully fill her time, build connections and further her education. 4 ★

*

On Wings of Devotion by Roseanna M. White (narrated by Susan Lyons): Romantic historical mystery, set in London during 1918. Christian fiction. Features characters from The Number of Love.

Arabelle Denler is a nurse working in a London hospital; Phillip Camden is an airman now working for British Intelligence. I enjoyed their interactions, especially once they start to get to know each other. I didn’t like the antagonist’s contribution to this narrative -- between the dangers of wartime and the protagonists’ respective issues, there’s enough tension without her. But what I enjoyed about this story outweighed what I didn’t. 3½ ★

*

Our Darkest Night by Jennifer Robson: Historical fiction set during the Nazi occupation of Italy in WWII.

Nina, a young Jewish woman from Venice, goes into hiding by pretending she’s married to Nico, a Catholic farmer. Robson’s strength lies in pairing details of daily life with likeable characters, realistic dialogue and a sweet romance. I read this quickly and eagerly. But if the characters had been more nuanced, more complex, or if their emotions had been conveyed more vividly, I likely would have found reading this a more emotional experience. 3½ ★

[alchemabotana]

Horoscopes for New Moon in Cancer July 9th 2021

Horoscopes for the New Moon in Cancer

July 9th 2021

By Antonina “Little Thunder” Whaples

@whaplesantonina 

If you find these horoscopes useful, please consider voting for me in the Muscle and Fitness Hers front cover competition for 2021′s Ms. Health and Fitness: https://mshealthandfitness.com/2021/antonina

Digital painting by Antonina Whaples

Still steaming in the energy of the overarching solstice sun rays, this New Moon in cancer will have you blissfully forgetting any of the struggles of the very conflicted Capricorn dominated conversations of the last Full Moon. In the wake and bake of the solstice, our Yang energy gets an overdrive that manifests in contrasting ways. Looking at your focuses on this way down the epic landslide of energy will open up gates of knowledge to understandings about your true identity. With Saturn coming into center with Aquarius soon, and Jupiter hitting retrograde in Aquarius on July 28th, your inner databanks are getting a major makeover Queer Eye style.

Much of this reorganization will center around how we collectively feel about ourselves individually, our responsibilities for our words and actions in our communities, and how we plan to make real-time changes to our “Ways” in order to contribute to grand legacies. Legacies themselves will undergo a transformation of definition. We can thank good old Venus opposing Saturn in Aquarius for this. But, unlike the “tower of babble” moment, the scenarios brought up by this New Moon will have your communication systems recalibrating towards epic achievements of the mind/body/spirit varieties. It’s all about Love, your memories of it, the ways you’ve embodied it, and the sacrifices made for it. Some of those sacrifices are coming full circle, and in the New Moon, this will be mostly felt by the Yin collective consciousness as a major relief. If you’re feeling unbalanced on the 10th, try to focus on activities that bring you comfort and ease your mind. This act may feel like a true moment of spiritual rebellion. 

There’s a lot of hope in this moon, cradled by Cancers’ warm and loving waters. The “Home” is pivotal to this Moon’s inherent cleansing cycle, which may bring up dust and twigs swept under the rug. The idea of responsibility for our actions is heightened. We will all be challenged to face our own idiosyncrasies and dualities. This appears to be a long standing theme we’re all checking in and out of repeatedly until Neptune stations direct in Pisces on December 1st 2021. This very slow moving energy feels like a drum out of rhythm with our daily lives. Individually we are learning to tune into deeper vibrations of our own, and tune out wavelengths disruptive to our growth. This moon is a good time to move your body to healing sounds that help you manifest the emotional experiences attached to your not yet manifested dreams, hopes, prayers, and altar work.

Aries:

My fiery frequencies have been running too hot. I find places to release my steam that are quiet, dark, and all my own. Whether in the outside world, or my inner mind palace, I find slices of shade are my delight. I desire a type of self-synergy that can only be activated in the realms of the subconscious, and I make time to rest in the ways that make these new synapses happen. I want to learn and grow, and I’m giving myself the space to honor the eternal internal scholar within myself.

Taurus:

I’ve been typecasting my own archetype for some time, and I’ve realized those imprints have become outdated. I do not fear the revelation of my Cosmic Face to my own self, but rather look forward to the introduction of myself to Myself. I find ways to greet my emerging identity by balancing my time with friends and family. I take the time to meditate on what I am agreeing to when I go along with the herds. I respect my self sovereignty enough to reject projections on my personhood. I take responsibility for my own reflections on others, and these actions allow me to accept myself in any situation. I release all concepts of my empathic or psychic nature as negative, and allow the gifts I have been given to garnish me with life’s abundances.

Gemini:

I’m preparing for my mic drop moment. I’ve been writing bars and aiming for the stars, and I feel it coming. Not sure what, not sure when, but this moon is bringing mojo. I sense the message I was meant to embody is being written deeply inside me by a host of ghosts and ancestors ready to protect my destiny. Things are feeling extra cosmic, and I can almost feel my future touching me from time to time. I let myself enjoy my dreaming time, and this New Moon gives me a place to hide my secret poems and self reflections. There’s a softness coming over me, and I feel comfortable allowing myself to relax into the knowledge that my creative genius isn’t just valuable, it’s real.

Cancer:

The cycle of filling and emptying feels extra powerful under this New Moon. Elevated by this lunation, I use this dark moon to focus on the moments in-between. In this meditation, the world opens up a new concept of Time to me. In this knowledge I am able to reconstruct my psychological leanings away from worst-case-scenario and anxiety -laden secret self conversations. I don’t need to look outside myself for cues from the pack, and I am comfortable asserting my authoritative genius when applicable. This acknowledgement of my self-worth and efficacy gives me awareness that assists my community and gives others much needed moments of Hope & Joy.

Leo:

Things feel saucy in the right ways this new moon. Yin and Yang are focused on balancing my section of the sky’s influences this lunation cycle. Sometimes I feel the tug of my shadow side urging me to use my head AND my heart. Although I feel driven by the power of my heart center, and the emotions of my inner oceans, I find time to stop and ask myself “is this what I really want?”. When I allow myself to acknowledge the influences beckoning me to overspend my creative and sexual resources, I am able to find my personal zen. I discover new secret distractions in the everyday experience of relating and existing in community and friendship. I’m learning to tune my volume to the right settings, and this allows my audience to hear me clearly. Clarity has become increasingly important to me, as discernment makes me feel centered. This moon I use the dark hours to clear my mind, and calm my heart.

Virgo:

The quiet emptying of this New Moon secretly invites me to advocate for my silent needs in ways that feel safe to me. I practice self loyalty regularly, and renew my vows to my internal compass under the protection of the current skies. I know that moments like this aren’t always accessible, so when they are, I congratulate myself for my good luck. Spending time with private projects makes me feel centered and focused in ways that empower me. I use this darkened moon to look at my private world with a gentle eye. I know that my goals are just an echo of desires I’m learning to advocate for. Finding words for my journey helps me understand myself the way I wish to be understood.

Libra:

I am allowing myself to be seen and appreciated by myself. When I take the time to be in relationship with myself, my moods, and my memories, I find a special center. I’m manifesting a reality where my sense of self is solidified and appreciated by myself first and foremost. Through my self manifestation work, I am becoming aware and knowledgeable of the long history and sacrifices of those who came before me. I use this awareness to build gratitude within my heart center for myself and anyone else who shares in my archetype. My focus on self-healing is a radical step in my generational efforts in this timeline. I am an important person, and I tell myself so often.

Scorpio:

I am quietly waiting for new moments to try out my newfound knowledge. I’ve been watching and observing, but now it is my time to act. I take the reins of my destiny, and I do not apologize to the previous carriage driver. I know the power of an apology, which is why I know when one is owed or not. I do not need to struggle with power games that play in the psychopomp of the collective, and am my own sovereign spiritual space. I trust that my future is held in love & beauty and is supported by the generations of ancestors present on all planes. I am using this dark moon to get in touch with my essence and knowledge of my true self. 

Sagittarius:

This New Moon I am shedding responsibilities that have become recognizably not-mine. With this awareness has come the revelation of what is mine to control, and what is mine to let go. I accept the blessings of my responsibilities as the reason I am able to hold space for myself in my own life. I do not allow others to speak on my behalf, and use my voice to set the story straight. I use my energy for higher purposes and don’t have space this lunation to be dragged into any conflicts. I use my arrow to draw solid lines in the sand about which energetics I’m willing to play with. I promise myself to treat myself with compassion daily, especially as I outgrow scenarios and scenes that just ain’t me.

Capricorn:

I’m learning how to define karma for myself, and this New Moon is giving me a lot to think about. I understand that if I wish to heal, I must practice kindness towards myself. When I notice the mean monsters arrive in the darkness of night, I use my practical wisdom to ward them off. I’m noticing that fear doesn’t have as much power as I once imagined, and I’ve been slaying small demons like candycrush. This lunation I allow a space for the internal/external conflicts to find a cease-fire, and I find myself enjoying new mental quiet. I’m learning to trust the process of letting go, and this small cycle feels like the period at the end of a sentence.

Aquarius:

The labyrinths of my inner circuit board are asking me if I’ve tried turning it off and turning it back on again. When I consider my own off/on switch, I contemplate who I give access to it. When my triggers are alarming, I respect myself enough to take the time to respond carefully to my own messages. I acknowledge the wiring of the ancient ones, and use the ancient technology of this Moon to allow my power centers to upgrade. My dreamtime is especially sacred to me in these moments, and I use this lunation to discern important inner truths. I do not need to fear when I have premonitions, but instead, refocus that awareness on trusting my own intuition first and foremost. 

Pisces:

This New Moon I let out a deep sigh of relief. In the feelings of stuckness and frustration, I’ve discovered hidden patterns of life. As I discover which patterns benefit me the most, I learn to recalibrate my channels to an easier stream. This work opens me to timelines I may not have previously considered when vision-boarding and manifesting dreams. I thank the spiritual abbacus for working out ancient calculations this New Moon. I give gratitude when my supplies are distributed exactly how, where, and when they will make the greatest impact for my ultimate visionings. 

[daresplaining]

[ID: Excerpt from Zdarsky’s Daredevil run. Jack Murdock is boxing with late teens/young adult-ish Mike Murdock in a boxing ring in an empty gym. Both are wearing boxing gloves and drab, baggy clothing. Jack punches Mike in the side.] 

Jack: “Elbows in! This is your life, Mike! How’s it feel?! Lesson two is tomorrow. Now go hit the showers! You stink of booze and sweat and you know Matt--”

[ID: Mike punches Jack in the head, then walks away while un-velcroing his own boxing gloves with his teeth.]

Mike: “I’m not Matt! I never was! But at least I don’t take punches and falls for a living!”

Jack: “That’s not--”

[ID: Mike pokes Jack in the chest with his finger.]

Mike: “No more lies, Dad! You take falls for mobsters! You rough people up for them too! And you lied to Matt and me about our mom!”

Jack: “Son, I--”

Mike: “I may not be my law school brother-- but I sure as #$@% ain’t you! I’m not Matt, I’m not Battlin’ Jack, I’m just--”

Daredevil vol. 6 Annual #1 by Chip Zdarsky, Chris Mooneyham, Rachelle Rosenberg, et al.

    I’m not even sure where to begin analyzing this issue, because there’s so much going on and so much to pick apart, but this seems like as good a place as any because this scene wrecked me (in a good way).

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, and I think it’s extra important to say it now, given everything that’s happened: my fascination with Mike comes from a fascination with Matt. It was true when Matt was play-acting as his fake twin brother, and it’s still true now that Mike is real and has begun separating himself out from Matt and asserting his own personhood; that overlap, the way in which Mike reflects and comments on Matt’s life and experiences, is key to his character. In this issue, via Mike’s memories, we are given a brand-new perspective on Matt’s childhood. We don’t get that very often, and it’s part of what makes this issue, and the concept of Real Boy Mike himself, so compelling. 

    One of the recurring concepts in this issue is the idea of Mike as an outside observer-- someone who sees what Matt does not (I mean... well, you know what I mean). Mike lives Matt’s childhood alongside him, but his experience of it is very different, and is largely characterized by losses of innocence. Mike beats up the kids who make fun of Matt, even after he’s been told not to. Mike loves his father, but does not idolize him to the degree that Matt does, which leads him to recognize Jack’s human flaws. Mike secretly observes Maggie visiting Matt in the hospital, thus discovering that their mother is alive years before Matt does (I’m going to write a separate post about that, because holy moley.) Mike provides us with a new experience of familiar events and characters. We see Matt as he sees him: the smart goody-two-shoes to whom Mike, with all his cynicism and rascally-ness, cannot measure up. And we see a Jack who is suddenly confronted about things that Matt never discussed with him, embroiled in a new relationship dynamic with a troubled, angry son who did not exist before. In this issue, Zdarsky has chosen to lean into the concept of Mike invading a pre-existing space and bringing with him a new perspective on it and on the characters who already inhabit that space, and I love that. 

    What makes this even more fun is thinking about what Mike doesn’t know. Yes, Mike notices important things that his brother misses, but at the end of the day, we as Daredevil fans know what “good-two-shoes” Matt Murdock is actually up to throughout all of this, and for all of Mike’s awareness of the world around him, these flashbacks suggest that he has no idea how much stuff his twin is hiding. (Whether this is actually the case is a tantalizing question that could potentially be explored later...). We’re accustomed to being in Matt’s head, and so it’s fun to watch his childhood from someone else’s point-of-view; to see his secret-keeping in full operation, from the perspective of someone who seemingly doesn’t have a clue. It’s not something that’s directly pointed out in the narrative (it’s actually easy to not think about Matt at all in this issue), but it’s a fun aspect of the story, and there are a few little details stuck in to remind us that this is still Matt’s superhero origin. One is how freaking buff Matt is compared to Mike in the later flashbacks (more on that in a future post), and another is Jack’s great comment in this scene about how Matt won’t like that Mike smells bad. This ties into another of my favorite pet DD ideas: that people who spend a lot of time with Matt know about his powers, even if they don’t actually know about them. We see this a bit with Foggy: in the years before he learned about Matt’s double life, he would sometimes comment on weird things Matt would do, but without actually thinking about them too hard because he was so used to it. And it would make sense for the same to be true of Jack and, now, Mike. Obviously, “Matt is sensitive to smells” isn’t a direct awareness that Matt has superpowers, but it provides us a glimpse of the ways Matt’s powers manifest in his daily life in spite of his secret-keeping. 

    And finally...

[ID: The same panel from above, showing Mike angrily undoing his boxing glove with his teeth.]

Mike: “I’m not Matt! I never was!”

    It’s a small, silly thing, and it’s something that Mike would logically say in this scene, etc. but I love it. It’s thematic. It’s satisfying. It’s basically the tagline for the "Real Boy” Mike story arc, and it’s fun to have him say it-- not only the “I’m not Matt”, but the “I never was” which is really what this issue is all about. It drives home the wild, mindblowing thing has been done here: Mike, who was Matt, is now really, truly his own person-- and not only that, but he has made it so that maybe (again-- we’re still waiting on confirmation) he has always been his own person. He is not Matt, he is not his father, he is himself. And he has found the power (literally) to claim that autonomy for himself. 

[aspoonofsugar]

What do you think of the theory that Penny is coming back? I really don't see it but everyone seems sure she is.

Hello anon,

I actually agree with you and @hamliet here.

I mean, in a story nothing is set in stone. In particular, in such a long series what has a specific meaning in a moment of the story can be discussed and deconstructed later on. However, as for now, I think the framing around Penny’s death is very clearly sad, but cathartic and a fitting conclusion to her arc (and to the Atlas arc as a whole).

I am writing a meta on her arc, so I won’t write much about it here.

Still, I actually think the narrative has gone out of its way to suggest that if Penny were to die again, things could not be fixed so easily:

Ruby: Even if the worst does happen, you can always reactivate her again, so maybe try not to worry so much.

(...)

Ruby: You gave her part of yours?

Pietro: Yes, and each time I rebuild Penny, it takes a little more. If people get their wish and she's destroyed, I won't be able to…

Someone may suggest that Pietro might be willing ot sacrifice himself for his daughter. After all, it is a recurring trope in fiction. Still... one of the point of Penny’s arc in the climax of volume 8 is that she has grown:

In volume 7 she receives the Maiden’s power, while at the end of volume 8 she is the one who gives it away. Her receiving the power is framed as an aknowledgement of her personhood. At the end of volume 8 she is able to do the same for another person:

Winter: No, Penny, you were always the real Maiden at heart. I was just a machine. Just… following orders.

Penny: You’re my friend.

She is literally becoming Winter’s blue fairy and is doing for her what her two fairies did for her.

She is entrusting Winter with the power, like Fria did with her. This happens because Winter has symbolically grown into her own person throughout the volume.

However, Penny is also doing something way more important. She is doing what her true fairy did for her:

Ruby is Penny’s true blue fairy because it was Ruby seeing Penny as a real girl that made Penny feel human.

Here, she is doing the same for Winter.

In short, our Penny has grown until she has become not only a “true girl”, but literally a “blue fairy” of her own.

Because of this framing, it would not work for her to be treated as a child by the narrative once again.

Moreover, last time Penny has been revived because of this:

Pietro: Died? I guess, in a manner of speaking, she did. But we were able to recover her core from Amity Arena once it had made its way back to Atlas. It took me some time, but…

Pietro needs her robotic core to revive her, but it is gone:

Personally, I also think it would not work structurally. Penny’s sacrifice is a very powerful scene. It literally ties together ALL the themes of the Atlas arc, her own character arc, Winter’s arc and much more.

In order to bring back a character after such a powerful ending... one needs time to build a narrative that does not pail in comparison. It would need to be very complex not to cheapen her sacrifice and honestly... Penny is not a main character.

She is an important one for sure, but she is not one of the main eight whose journey we are following and she is not Cinder either. She is more like Pyrrha in terms of importance in the sense she is one of the main characters of a specific arc. Pyrrha was the Vale’s arc MC and Penny was Atlas’s. She is literally at the centre of the Atlas’s plot-line. However, she is not at the centre of the whole story.

Finally, as @hamliet noticed...this does not seem to work for the themes of the whole series as well. As a matter of fact the whole story started because of this:

God of Light: You must learn the importance of life and death. Only then may you rest.

The Gods might be assholes, but they are important thematically, as it is the cycle of life and death.

Salem’s inability to understand the cycle after all is why things turned out this way.

Even if you want to blame the Gods’ pettiness for what happened... it is honestly still the same. After all, what is the root of their conflict?

God of Light: I am abiding by the rules we agreed upon!

God of Darkness: Rules that I now see are ever in your favor. And yet the day a mortal comes to pray at my feet before your own, so do you arrive to lay your judgment upon me!

The root of the Gods’ conflict is literally that humans worship the God of Light and are scared from the God of Darkness. Humans only value life, but escape and do not accept death.

You could argue that it can’t be it because Light is actually the one against resurrecting Ozma, while Darkness initially agrees and changes his mind when he discovers Salem went to him as a last resort.

However, there is another thematic reason for this.

Light and Darkness are not only Life and Death, but also Order and Chaos.

This is why Light is lawfull and wants to respect the cycle. This is also why he is totally unable to offer Salem any kind of emotional support whatsoever. Everything is in subordination of the rules and of the law.

This is why Darkness acts only following his emotions. A person comes to him for help? Screw everything, he is helping her because she chose him. Oh wait, she considered him only as a last resort? Nevermind then.

Let’s highlight that these oppositions are literally mirrored in the two Kingdoms that host the relics of Creation and Destruction.

Atlas is an authoritarian and military country.

Vacuo is unstable and lacks a strong government.

This is also why one of the themes linked to creation was control.

In short, accepting and understanding the cycle of life and death is literally one of the heart aspects of the series.

By this, I do not mean that one should glorify death and this is conveyed once again by Salem herself.

Salem started her story refusing death, but then she has grown to despise life. This is why she can’t free herself. It is not one or the other... it is about loving life and accepting death.

Let’s highlight these two sides of Salem are conveyed through two members of her team:

Hazel is unable to accept death. He could not grieve her sister and refuses that she has made a specific choice to fight and to accept the risk of death to protect others. This is why it makes sense he finally dies doing that same choice.

Tyrian glorifies death and destruction and I would find it very ironically if he dies begging for his life instead. (Or something similar, but I do not think Tyrian will have such a sympathetic death tbh).

In short, coming back to life is actually never framed that positively in RWBY. Salem and Ozpin see it as a curse and in Penny’s case it was a property of her robotic body and we know Penny had complex feelings over it.

She wanted to truly feel alive.

This means the ability to feel somebody’s else warmth:

But also the pain:

At least, this is how I see things so far. Anyway, to each their own and we’ll see how things develop.

Thank you for the ask!