#a problem that isn't actually a problem

[deadcaptainentertainment]

Being nice to rude, overly dramatic, whiny customers trying to throw their weight around to get what they want while actually holding so much anger and hatred in one's heart is an art form only customer facing employees will truly understand

[peggycatrerr]

today on the train home the guy next to me was on his phone and at one point i saw him go on tumblr and he just had like. a normie dash. like it was all photography. of nature and architecture. he was using tumblr the way a heterosexual landscaper for rich people might use instagram. i actually had to watch his screen for a few seconds to be sure it really was tumblr because i was so taken aback by the content he was viewing. this is why algorithmless websites are so beautiful btw because i genuinely didn't know that this side of tumblr even existed. he didn't even so much as scroll past any text posts.

EDIT: look i'm not going to turn off reblogs but i cannot stress enough that THIS WASN'T A HIPSTER BLOG DASH IT WASN'T AN AESTHETIC BLOG DASH IT WAS THE MOST WILDLY GENERIC COLLECTION OF IMAGES YOU HAVE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING OR BEING A QUIRKY FANDOM TUMBLRINA WHEN I SAY "NORMIE" I GENUINELY MEAN "SO NORMAL THAT IT CIRCLES AROUND TO WEIRD". CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME? HELLO?

[shotmrmiller]

being at a restaurant because of a blind date set up from a friend but the thing is you don't remember his name, or what he looks like- did she even tell you what he looks like?

you quietly sit there, fingers tapping a restless rhythm on the polished mahogany tabletop, your wine glass stained red with tonight's indulgence, stands as empty as your stomach. just when you're about to wave a hand to your waiter, a massive brute of a man crashes into the chair across from you with so much force that you can hear the wood groan under his bulk.

he settles into it, unhurried, as if he wasn't 20 minutes late, his worn leather jacket creaking as he does before leaning forward and resting his forearms on the table, and the silver wear rattles with the impact.

then he looks at you with an unsettling intensity, irises so dark they blend into the pupils and asks if you've been waiting long.

you've a mind to leave him there but you're hungry- starved, really- and he's going to cover the check so you might as well stay and get your free dinner. "doesn't matter now, does it?"

you shoot a quick text to your friend, telling her that he- simon- is here and slip your phone back in your bag, not reading the messages she sends back until the morning after, when your head pounds in rhythm with your sex.

who's simon?

[catgirljaneway]

I deeply dislike the voyager fandom trope where Kathryn is everyone's mom and Chakotay is the dad. (I love found family, I hate "nuclearized" found family) That woman is NOT everyone's mother. She is however Harry's mother. Which is even funnier because from what we know, Harry seems to have a perfectly healthy and good relationship with his actual mom. He did NOT need to be adopted by an insane middle-aged woman but BOOM now he's got mommy issues and it's literally his boss.

[thevoidstaredback]

Part 4

Danny didn't go back into his room until well after dawn. At some point, he'd heard rather than seen a jet of some kind landing in the middle of a rush of water.

For being so careful with where the Batcave - and Danny stands by the fact that that's a stupid name - is, they make quite obvious entrances to it. He has to admit, begrudgingly, that it being under their own house is clever. And a bit funny.

Throughout the night, Danny had been texting Dani. They were in sending increasingly ridiculous pictures to each other, eventually morphing into a GIF war. It was still ongoing, but she had to go to school, something that had taken nearly a year for he and the others to convince her of, so they had to call a temporary truce.

His next message was to Jazz, just to wish her a happy birthday.

There was still shit covering the sky, preventing any blue from coming through. Somehow, though, there was a bit of sunlight illuminating Gotham as a whole.

Still invisible, as he'd been since Jason left him alone, he flew back into his room via the broken window. He didn't bother to clean up the glass. Instead, he checked for any evidence that anyone had been in there. The furniture in front of the door was undisturbed, though some of the glass had been crushed under foot. There was also plastic and tape to use to cover the window left on the bed. as well as a note.

He didn't bother to look at it. He did cover the window, though, using the extra to set a simple - Talia and Deathstroke would call it archaic - detection trap on the other window in the room.

There was a knock on the door. He paused, but didn't respond. "We missed you at dinner," Bruce Wayne said, "Will you join us for breakfast?"

He walked over to the bathroom, opened the door, and slammed it behind him. They would have to drag him kicking and screaming from his unmarked grave before he joined any of them for a meal.

There was a very faint, even to the slightly enhanced hearing, sigh as Bruce Wayne walked away from the door.

Danny sat on the floor.

What made Talia think that Bruce Wayne was a good person to send him to? He's not even related to him!

No, he doesn't count Damian. He refuses to count Damian. As far as Danny' concerned, he doesn't have a brother. He has two parents who, despite him not being thiers, love him and two sisters whom he loves. They're all the family he needs; all the family he wants.

Who does Talia- who does Damian think he is? He can't just appear and claim him like some-some pet!

And Talia and Deathstroke? Can shove their shit up their asses!

But he can't say any of that, so he's hiding in a bathroom.

No, he's not hiding. He's... hiding.

So, he's hiding. He's hiding in the bathroom of an apartment sized bedroom in the mansion owned by probably the richest frootloop in the world- And there are people claiming to be his new siblings, trying to replace the family he built and painstakingly tried to hide!

He cried into his arms, his knees pulled to his chest. He cried, and he sobbed, and he hiccuped because it's so unfair.

First, the only people he's ever known make him very aware that he is and will never be anything more than a clone. Then, the people he's told donated their genetic code to bring him to life want nothing to do with him. Next, while in hiding, he fucking dies and everyone he knows is constantly denying it! Add that on top of the constant battles he doesn't want to be fighting. And while all that's happening, Talia barges in and carts him off to Gotham City on the other side of the country telling him that's going to be spending the summer with his brother and her Beloved.

He's so tired. He's exhausted.

Danny thinks it's unfair that he has enough tragic backstories for several lifetimes. He's technically only four years old, so why is this the hand he's been dealt?!

He stands, however long later, and leaves the bathroom. The glass has been cleaned up, the detection trap on the second window was taken down and is now in the bin by the door. There's new stuff to redo it on the bed that's been moved back to it's proper place. The dress's been moved, too, and the door's unlocked.

He locks the door again and hides in the closet.

Part 6

[iwannascreameurekaa]

"oh why don't pjo fans know that Apollo told Jason Leo was alive" probably because most pjo fans refuse to read ToA and actually only nitpick what they want to assume is canon. they'll bitch over Jason's death but refuse to acknowledge Lavinia, or Shelper, or crest, or Lester's growth, or megs trauma, or any of the actual things that stick out when you read the series!

[uncanny-tranny]

To any disabled person undergoing tests to find What's Wrong: I hope your results come back the way you hope and that you receive the help you need. I hope you are not denied care, I hope you are taken seriously even after this, and I hope that you will be taken care of compassionately

[alexakakarumi]

Get the wormies!!!! Now!!!! Get them!!!!!

[casscainmainly]

"My long-held belief that Duke and Luke should not get along" <- could you please elaborate on this? I'm fond of both and I collect your thoughts and analyses like they're rare trading cards so I'm ready to be all 👀🫳🍿

First of all anon this might be my favourite ask ever, I've been dying to write my thoughts on these two so THANK YOU. Secondly my belief that Duke + Luke wouldn't get along actually stemmed from WFA, I was super annoyed with Luke giving Duke the pep talk in ep 76 because they have no relationship!!! Then I started thinking harder and realised they are a really interesting pair. In case anyone hasn't noticed I'm fond of giving Duke relationships where he's annoyed with the other person so 😭 this is very on brand.

The thing about Duke + Luke is they are, on the surface, similar - they are Black members of the Batfam who operate mostly independently, 'separate' from a legacy as Signal/Batwing (though I will deconstruct this later), devoted to their family, have a strong sense of justice, and view crime-fighting as a business. But I believe at their cores they are fundamental opposites - and it's this hidden opposition that makes me think they wouldn't vibe with each other. I'm focusing on We Are Robin Duke and Batwing Luke, though I will also refer to Duke's Signal days + Luke in Detective Comics.

(This is going to be a long post because this is lowkey my Luke + Duke thesis 😭)

Introductions

Duke and Luke were both introduced in the New 52, actually in the same year (2013!). What's really cool about their intros is that you already see how different they are. We first meet Duke in Zero Year, where he's fishing in the subway and then attacked by a gang; we then get the famous scene of him solving crosswords by Bruce's unconscious body. When Bruce tells Duke and his family to leave, Duke refuses, telling him they can't leave Duke's grandma and that all it takes is one riddle to free the city from Riddler's influence.

By contrast, we first meet Luke in the spotlight as he's wrestling for MMA in Batwing #19. He's been wrestling to get Batman's attention, refusing all job offers from his dad to do so (and thus creating some juicy father-son tension). In Batwing #20, we see he has two degrees from MIT, lives in a fancy apartment, and is really tech-oriented; his cover story for Batwing is that he's travelling the world.

Already, there are a couple things that already firmly separate them:

Class: Duke is from the Narrows whereas Luke is rich

Connection to Batman: Duke stumbled across Batman and gained his attention quite organically, whereas Luke was actively begging for Batman to notice him

Agency: Duke's actions were motivated by the extreme circumstances of Zero Year and a desire to help rooted in his material environment, whereas Luke's is a more internal, abstract wish to help (pointing to their class differences again)

Gotham: Duke refuses to leave his city, whereas Luke immediately packs up and travels the world

Intelligence: Both of them are fiercely intelligent, but in different ways - Duke loves puzzles and riddles whereas Luke is more inclined towards engineering and technology

And these differences only grow as they get older!!

Maturity

Duke is 16 (in my head, canonically it's vague but he's between Damian and Tim so 14-17) and Luke is 23. This age gap is honestly not that big, but I think it would feel big to both of them. And what's worse is that Duke is quite mature, but Luke is said to be immature:

Batwing #23

I don't think Luke is actually immature, but it's a recurring theme that other characters perceive him as unwilling to grow up; and I genuinely do think Batwing, for him, is kind of an adventure at first. Now compare this to Duke, whose circumstances disallowed him being childish. He had to grow up because his parents weren't around anymore, and he became quite jaded as a result. Even after he's mellowed out in his Signal days, I still don't think he could tolerate working with someone who comes off as light-hearted as Luke does. Duke would be annoyed by how he perceives Luke doesn't take things seriously, and Luke in turn would be annoyed when Duke inevitably criticises him for it.

Arc

Following on from above, their arcs are actually in total opposite directions. We first meet Duke alone and disillusioned with everything, putting his whole being into finding his parents. Then, through We Are Robin and Robin War, he begins to understand what Robin means as a symbol and finds community, leading to his brighter personality in Signal comics. Luke, however, begins very light-hearted (as seen above), with a huge respect for Batman and the Bat symbol. Once his family starts being torn apart, though, he becomes increasingly aggressive, more isolated, and in a much darker place. Compare a narration box from the last issues of both:

Batwing #34 / We Are Robin #12

These encapsulate their journeys: Duke learns that he doesn't have to act alone, whereas Luke struggles with accepting all that has happened since he put on his suit. Being a vigilante improves Duke's life, whereas it essentially ruins Luke's. This is why I don't think that WFA ep made sense!!! They have nothing in common in terms of the vigilante experience, and I think they would frustrate each other because they have such different conceptions of what the vigilante life is!!!!!!!

Batman and Robin

Okay so I said that Luke + Duke aren't legacies; even though Batwing is one, Luke doesn't actually talk to David Zavimbe, and his Batwing is not spiritually connected to David's really. But Luke and Duke both do take inspiration from other Batfam members - Batman and Robin, respectively.

Batwing #25 / Batman (2011) #45

Luke is the rare Batfam member whose motivations don't spring from tragedy - he's inspired one night when Batman saves him and he jumps in to help. Luke's love for Batman is wrapped up in Bruce himself, as a person rather than a symbol; he genuinely thinks Batman is awesome and wants to help people under his name.

Duke is the exact opposite - Robin is not a person for him but a symbol, and a symbol that can be spread to many people. It's also intimately tied with Duke's relationship to Gotham, because Batman is "on the gargoyle" and Robin is "on the street". Importantly, Duke says to Darryl that "I know you work for him, but you're us". Working for a singular person is in opposition to this 'us' that Duke believes in.

Luke, though not exactly an employee, literally wanted to work for Batman, Inc. Batwing is in many ways a 'job', an alternative to the corporate life Lucius wanted for him. Duke would, I think, take huge problems with Luke's philosophy as a whole. Separated from Gotham, attached to Batman as a person rather than as a symbol, Duke just literally wouldn't understand where Luke is coming from. And Luke, too, doesn't seem to respect Robin as a mantle (this is after someone mistakes him for Batman in Batwing #34):

I think Luke views Robin as firmly a kids' role, a sidekick for Batman; that would annoy the STUFFING out of Duke. I actually could write a whole post in itself about this incident and Luke being mistaken for Batman but that's for another day. The point is they are attached to the Batman and Robin legacies which in themselves are already vastly different, but Duke is kind of anti-Batman and Luke is a little anti-Robin, so they would not mix.

Family

One thing they do have in common is a deep love for family. But even then, their familial relationships are extremely different: Duke has a wonderful relationship with his parents, bolstered by the fact he lost them for a while, whereas Luke has a contentious relationship with his. Duke in some ways idealises his mom and dad, while Luke is sharply aware of his parents' shortcomings.

Batwing #20

Now this wouldn't be an issue normally, but Duke canonically has, like, a problem with judging other people's families. It's a really consistent (and somewhat hilarious) trait of his:

We Are Robin #5 / We Are Robin #5 / Gotham Nights #8

The Dre comment ("you're a mob kid?") is particularly telling. Because Duke has such a good relationship with his parents, and because he's shaped so much by them, I think he sees children as reflections of their parents/families. It's hard for him to see someone completely divorced from their family - you even see this a bit in Batman & The Outsiders, where although Duke understood Cass' disagreements with Shiva, I don't think he really got the nuances of what that felt like for Cass.

Luke's relationship with his father is complex and contentious. They love each other, but Lucius' desires for Luke just don't match what Luke wants, and Luke can't tell him about Batwing either so it's a constant back-and-forth. This secrecy is another thing Duke wouldn't get - I've made posts before about Duke and honesty, and it's a huge value of his. It's significant that as soon as his mom is healed she finds out about Signal; dishonesty is not really a factor in Duke's life, whereas it is Luke's central conflict. Luke's entire thing with his dad and his alter ego is something Duke has never had to deal with, and I think Duke would just be like 'tell him?? and make up??' and Luke would sigh so loud and hard.

Personality and Authority

But all of that aside, I just think their personalities wouldn't mix! Duke is a jaded teenager whose overt honesty and resistance to authority often give off a bad first impression (see his first encounters with Black Lightning, We Are Robin, Damian, even the Bruce train scene...). People do warm up to Duke quick, and once you love him you adore him, but there's a hurdle to becoming close to him that you have to leap first.

Luke, on the other hand, is affable and immediately likable. He's popular in school (as Russell mentions in #25), has experienced college social life, and is open and friendly. I think in an initial meeting Luke would find Duke off-putting and rude, while Duke would find Luke shallow and annoying. Luke is an extremely confident person, as shown in both Batwing and Detective Comics (particularly the latter). I think Duke would take this confidence as him being stuck-up, especially because Luke is rich.

Their class differences also separate their reactions to authority. Luke doesn't take authority at face value - he disobeys Bruce basically as much as Duke does. However, given his upbringing he isn't that anti-authority. Compare Luke and Duke's attitudes to cops:

Batwing #25 / We Are Robin #2

The Luke narration box is after the cops shoot him and accidentally make him kill his best friend 😭😭😭 like if that had happened to Duke his inner voice would NOT say that. This is another example of how their different upbringings and personalities cause them to have DRASTICALLY different outlooks on things. Batwing also sides with Batwoman when she kills Clayface in Detective Comics, something I think Duke would not do (he would've sided with Cass) so their ideologies often put them on opposite sides.

FINALLY, and least importantly, Luke is not a reader. This is a recurring thing and it's so funny:

Batwing #21

That's Tam telling Luke to "read a book". I think this exact interaction would happen with Duke taking the place of Tam, where he'd just be super annoyed that Luke doesn't enjoy literature. Honestly I think Duke might remind Luke of Tam in a lot of ways, since Duke is Bruce's golden child just like Tam is Lucius'. And that would annoy Luke, like he can't escape annoying younger siblings even as Batwing?? Bruce liking Duke more than Luke, even when Duke doesn't even care for Bruce's approval, would send Luke's blood pressure through the ROOF.

Conclusion

Um anyway I'm so so sorry this was so long but that's why I think Luke and Duke wouldn't get along!! It's mostly that they have such different outlooks on literally everything and their personalities clash. Anyway, if anyone bothered to read til the end here's your reward!! A little edit of what SHOULD have happened in WFA ep 76:

[blue-mood-blue]

Of all the missed opportunities with Gongyi Xiao (of which there are many, why would you do that to my boy), I think the one I pine over most is that open and available invitation to Qing Jing Peak.

Because, if timed right, the possibilities are fucking hilarious.

You’re Gongyi Xiao. Your pride has taken a little bit of a hit after the Immortal Alliance Conference both because everyone expected you to place first (and you didn’t) and your teacher got so distracted by the one who did place first that you’ve felt a little… neglected. But you’re a nice person, and the conference ended with the deaths of so many of your shidi and shimei that you let the petty concerns roll off your back.

Except then the guy who pulled the upset at the conference shows up at your sect and pulls an upset on every other aspect of your life. The girl you like and who you thought liked you has heart eyes for him only, your teacher is definitely putting you on the backburner to the point of handing this guy most of your responsibilities (and he’s killing it, he’s doing amazing, it’s the conference all over again), and everyone else in the sect seems to prefer him to you. No one’s cruel about it, and they’re still listening to you - mostly. Most of the time. But you have the sinking suspicion that if it came to an actual disagreement between the two of you, you know who’d end up on top. Plus he looks just like you, except hotter. Maybe that’s not the kind of thing a guy like Gongyi Xiao outright perceives but there’s a vibe. The vibe of inadequacy.

(And because you’re Gongyi Xiao and a good person, you don’t have the kind of suspicion in your heart to start looking for ulterior motives or conniving plots - but even if you did, what would you find? The guy who is looking more and more like your replacement came to the sect injured. He looks sadly and deeply into the distance every time his original sect or shizun are mentioned. He’s polite. He’s talented. What are you supposed to say, that he survived unexpected disaster at the conference only to hatch some sort of hostile takeover plot in the meantime? Who would believe that.)

So, maybe it’s time to step back. Clear your head. Shake off the ridiculous and unfair jealousy, and give both yourself and Luo Binghe some space. What better time to take Shen Qingqiu up on his offer to visit Qing Jing? You can’t stop what’s happening regardless, so maybe it would be better not to be there while someone else swoops in and steals your whole life. (And maybe, tucked away deep in a not-so-good-of-a-person-after-all corner of your heart, there’s the possibility of slipping a few hints to Shen Qingqiu that his disciple is alive and well at another sect. Purely because Shen Qingqiu deserves not to mourn for someone still alive, and not at all for the sliver of hope that he’ll take the disciple he misses so much back so you can go back to the way things used to be.)

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to anyone else and especially not Gongyi Xiao, Luo Binghe is losing his mind. He had a plan. He was establishing himself. He was moving slowly and carefully so as not to startle Shizun, and this guy gets an invitation? Just, welcomed right in, specially, by Luo Binghe’s teacher? What did he do to deserve that? Is Shen Qingqiu going to poach Gongyi Xiao? As his replacement? So he can have a squeaky clean, good, human disciple like he wanted? Luo Binghe is better than him. He proved it at the conference. He proved it before the conference. He’ll prove it again if he has to. (He’s more attractive than Gongyi Xiao, too, and Shizun can hardly fail to notice if they’re side by side in front of him, so there.)

The Old Palace Master is using every trick in his arsenal to keep Luo Binghe from following right behind Gongyi Xiao while cursing Shen Qingqiu under his breath and frantically moving plans around to push up the date for the peak lord’s fall from grace, Luo Binghe is packing his bags furiously and tearing his own plans to shreds in the wake of his determination to prove himself absolutely irreplaceable, and Gongyi Xiao is enjoying a nice cup of tea and personal tutoring from Shen Qingqiu while making increasingly pointed comments about how sometimes missing-and-presumed-dead disciples just… pop up somewhere, at random, a few years after the fact.

Shen Qingqiu is blissfully (miserably) unaware of the chaos about to descend upon his peak.

[autopsyfreak]

‘i’m not jealous’

also me:

[yangjeongin]

HYUNJIN | LOLLAPALOOZA PARIS 2023: DOCUSERIES

[kamisamabest]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

also known as "a collective name for 'abusive piece of shit asshole stupid toxic fuckers'"

smh

Common misconceptions about NPD :

"Narcissists don't have hearts! They only love themselves!"

Wrong. Shocking but pwNPD are still capable of having a heart and loving someone. I know countless pwNPD in healthy relationships with their partners. pwNPD might show love in other ways,as we are disordered people whose perception of multiple things are way different than an egotypical's.

"NPD isn't real! Narcissism is just excessive self love!"

Wrong. NPD is a very much real thing that comes from childhood abuse and neglect. It is a disorder for a reason,and we are traumatized. (of course it can be genetic but i won't be talking about that)

Narcissism isn't the "i love myself so much i always kiss myself on the mirror i have portraits of myself on the walls" thing. Narcissism NPD is basically someone masking as having a huge ego and thinking of themselves as superior to everything and anything because they have a low self-esteem that ruins their life. In fact,even the slightest mistake makes me and other narcissists crash out hard.

"All narcissists are evil! They don't care about anyone!"

Faulty. We are actually very capable of caring about people,we simply keep it for people we deem worthy of it. pwNPD can be very nice and kind, especially covert type narcissists. I myself have helped countless people.

As for the "People we deem worthy" part, pwNPD have"inner hierarchies". We may not care about a stranger on the street. But we care about people we deem equal/chosen/close to us. Some pwNPD including me think about their chosen/equal people as an extension of themselves and accept them as worthy as we are.

While pwNPD might be bad people,not every single one of them are. There are,like,thousands of people that have this disorder and not all of us are the same.

"Narcissistic abuse is real! Narcissists are evil and abusive!"

Oho ho,not only wrong but ableist! Narcissistic abuse isn't a real thing. If it is,then ptsd abuse/depression abuse/autistic abuse/neurotypical abuse and all other [disorder] abuse is also real, which they aren't because a disorder cannot abuse you and every single person with a disorder aren't the same.

People think that saying narcissistic abuse isn't real is invalidating their trauma but it isn't. If it invalidates someone's trauma, it's actually pwNPD's. If you go to any trustworthy site and look up types of abuse, narcissistic abuse won't be there,because it isn't real. Call it what it is: emotional abuse,or whatever abuse you went through,because narcissistic abuse isn't real.

In fact,people preaching about narcissistic abuse and selling stuff about how to cope with narcissists are the real people invalidating you and your struggles. They benefit off of your trauma and the stuff you went through by invalidating tons of other traumatized people with a disorder they cannot control and manipulate you into thinking it is real.

And here's the thing: a person cannot control their disorders. They cannot control which disorder they form and which they don't. And NPD forms from severe childhood trauma. The traumatized person you're shitting on did not choose to have that disorder,and they didn't sign up for your bullshit about them being evil because they formed a disorder out of their control.

If you are a neurodivergent person/person with a cluster b personality disorder/person with NPD and actively contribute to narcissistic abuse,you are also ableist. You having a disorder doesn't mean you can't be ableist to other disordered people,because you are: simply because they have a disorder. "I have NPD and I use it!" you are contributing to your own and your folk's oppression. This doesn't make you any better.

People with NPD are also traumatized,they do not control what disorder they form and what disorder they don't. Quit being an asshole to people just because they have a disorder and quit demonizing them.

[veththeebrave]

if your only response to this is "I don't like to imagine Veth cheating!" you can go ahead and scroll past this poll it's not for you. and if you think imagining fictional characters cheating on each other is evil and I'm evil you can do us both a favor and block me. peace and love on the planet earth talk to me about veth rarepairs

[swhhdr-wthhr]

don’t you hate it when your brother brings the guy who tried to kill you a bunch of times to your party

original meme under cut

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

was rereading the convo dirk has with dave and was captivated by the subtle work done to indicate how very much this was not actually a good or productive convo for dirk, and a capstone on the toxic mess that is him and hal

in the exact same conversation that dave is explaining, and dirk is seemingly accepting, that beta!dirk/bro should not have been allowed near a child, dirk chooses to bring up hal. and he does it to be really shitty.

DIRK: Creating him was an interesting exercise I guess, but over the years I came to see his development as one of my biggest mistakes. DIRK: He sort of turned into a monster. But I could never bring myself to get rid of him, or even really blame him for being an asshole, because he wasn't actually that different from me.

like... hal is dirk's younger brother/kid, right?

that's part of the reason that when hal starts using a different color, it's dave's red. in one part, the orange/red split is evocative of dave/davesprite, casting dirk/hal as foils, but... i don't think the lil bro/"kid i'm responsible for" vibe is unintentional, either. especially when paired with the fact that the brainscan is of 13-year-old dirk, and that the words "nascent" and "emergent" are used to describe hal's consciousness, all implying an element of youthfulness or childishness to him that isn't applied to dirk.

hal is fully sapient, has real feelings (by dirk's own admission, too), and is also, like, completely his own guy. he's not a dirk splinter, he's a computer housing a dirk splinter, and he and dirk only think they're the same guy because their individual issues happen to perfectly align in the worst possible way.

so if you look at their relationship through that lens instead - a frankenstein/frankenstein's monster scenario (which is also directly and intentionally an exploration on parenthood) at best and dirk Pretty Much Actually Just Making A Child at worst - doesn't it become really fucked up that Dirk tried to kill him?

Doesn't it become really fucked up that Dirk is outright calling him a "mistake" and a "monster"?

the other really interesting thing here is when he talks about Jake - specifically, the way he chooses to "make it up to" jake. which is to say, he doesn't.

DIRK: I wouldn't be surprised if he was trying to avoid me as much as possible. DIRK: I'm sure that's for the best. DIRK: I think I need to stay out of his business for a good while, so I don't risk poisoning another innocent kid's life.

This isn't a solution. Hell, this isn't even an apology. This is just self-isolation, self-punishment, more of Dirk's martyrdom complex and teen boy diva bullshit.

yes, dirk hates himself, but the actual toxic loop he's stuck in is one where he doesn't address any of his problems. he identifies what his issues are, he feels really bad about them, he can enunciate them very clearly to other people, but then, instead of fixing them, he inflicts punishment on himself and then calls it a day.

We know that this is a bullshit thing to do to Jake because we know the situation from jake's side of things.

GT: Do you think you could relay the same sentiments to dirk? GT: I was thinking about all the stuff he said to me while we were all telling him to dance. GT: And yeah i was really being a prick when i ran away to lomax. GT: He was right about everything. I should have come clean about wanting some space.

jake wants reconciliation! jake wants to address the fact that he failed and apologize! jake wants to be friends again!

self-punishment is not a solution, and while I don't think dirk is entirely cognizant that he's doing it, by venting to dave - who literally has no idea what's been going on in dirk's group - he's able to frame the story - ahem, control the narrative - to justify his own shitty choice to not actually improve as a person, but instead to wallow in his own self-inflicted misery. If he'd said what he did about Hal to Jake, Roxy, or Jane - all of whom recognized hal's personhood and emotional reality to some degree, and spoke with him extensively - how would they respond? If they knew he'd tried to kill Hal, how would they respond?

The answer to that is why he doesn't tell them, and has got to be ticking in the background to explain why Dirk chooses to isolate himself from them. Put simply, I think the reason why he seems to think his friends never know the worst of him is because he deliberately avoids showing them. If he showed them, they wouldn't stay quiet, and if they didn't stay quiet, he'd actually have to... do something about it, instead of just indulging in some self-punishment and walking away feeling like the problem was solved.

and i think part of why he's so terrible to hal is because, on some level, he recognizes that he does kind of owe it to hal to be better. because, you see.

Hal is his kid.

hal's existence, hal's circumstances, and hal's suffering are a direct result of dirk's decisions, and hal is taking him to task for them. the things dirk really resents about hal are less the ways that hal is a reflection of dirk, though that's in there too, but the fact that hal is asking dirk to take responsibility. actual responsibility. that hal keeps confronting him with the fact that he's the one who caused hal's plight, he's the one with the power to fix it, and he's the one choosing inaction and avoidance.

TT: I'm guessing she's touching base to remind me about the party tomorrow. TT: I don't know what to tell her yet. Or Jane, for that matter. TT: It could get pretty awkward. TT: I have no idea if Jake will be there, and I'm not about to write another cringe-inducing message of desperation for him to ignore. AR: Would you like me to calculate the probability of his attendance? TT: Fuck no. AR: Are you sure? AR: My probabilities are extremely precise. TT: Your probabilities don't mean dick. AR: I could hack his chats, and determine what his plans are. TT: No. Don't do that either. [...] TT: Just don't do anything. Seriously. TT: No hacking, no calculations. Do absolutely nothing.

That's why Dirk takes such exception to the AI thing, too.

AR: In any case, my use of the responder responder is ironic. TT: It's not ironic. TT: YOU were ironic when I made you. TT: Then you became self-aware, and ruined irony forever.

then you became self-aware - in other words, "then you became a free-thinking entity and those jokes became reminders that your situation is fucked up, and i'm the one who put you in it". in other words, "and then you were born, and i had to be responsible for that". because, after all, the AI jokes that dirk hates so much? those aren't a reflection of dirk. that's all hal, baby. dirk can't use his "i hate you because i hate myself" excuse on that.

now i don't want to make it sound like i'm saying that dirk is a monster or anything. he does care, very fucking deeply, about his friends. and i think this conversation was genuinely very cathartic and helpful for dave. and it is, genuinely, very tragic that he does actually hate himself to the point where he finds it difficult to believe that he can get better, or even that he deserves to get better.

but those feelings have transformed into a vastly more harmful attitude of wilful, obstinate refusal to change, and even outright resentment and fear towards those that would ask him to. it's subtler than some of the others, but his convo with dave really highlights that dirk has not finished developing as a character yet. and i think it's really neat.