#a reminder I last watched this show when I was around 8 so while I’ve seen everything I remember very little

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

[8:08 am]

reference pic!

(cw: a child)

CEO!Jaemin's phone was ringing like crazy in his pocket, and yet as hard as he tried not to let it bother him, it was bothering him. He had let his assistant know he would be in late and to let everyone that needed to know know, so why was he getting calls?

His daughter's small hand was held in his own while she skipped and ran her fingers through the bushes and plants against along the sidewalk while she sang to herself. She was so cute.

Jaemin even had to admit he was proud of how put-together she looked this morning. Her hair looked neat, which was a struggle and a half since she was very picky since you always "did it better." Since the last time he did her hair, he'd made you be his model so he could learn some simple hairstyles for when you weren't able to do her hair. It was the best ponytail he'd ever done and he made sure to take tons of pictures to show you later.

This morning you'd left earlier than usual to handle some business which meant it was up to Jaemin to get his daughter ready and to school. They'd left on time and parked a ways away so they could walk and look at the flowers. Jaemin could never say no to his daughter- it was a real problem.

He sighed as he begrudgingly pulled his phone from his pocket, quickly tightening his hold on his daughter’a hand and adjusting the pink hello kitty backpack on his shoulder. “Hello?” He asked bluntly into the phone.

“Mr. Na, I’m sorry. I know you’re coming in late, but one of the board members came in early and is requesting a meeting. I’ve already told him you won’t be in right away but I can hear him leaving you messages. Maybe, don’t listen to them with your daughter around…” his assistant explained nervously.

Jaemin sighed, sending his daughter a bright smile when her concerned face turned to look up at him, “just let him know I’ll be there in 20. While you’re at it, please contact the rest of the board members and remind them about basic etiquette. Never mind, I’ll do that myself. I’ll be there in 20. Thanks for the heads up.”

He hangs up the phone and steps through the gates of his daughter’s school. He walks her to the door where other students and parents are looking at him with wonder. He can hear the mothers whispering about how handsome he looks and the dads mumbling about his he wasn’t all that. He laughed it off and crouched down to his daughter’s height.

He pulled the fluffy backpack off his shoulder and helped his daughter put it on. A backpack that was just over half her size, but she begged and begged, so of course Jaemin got it for her. He swore he saw some of the teachers in the hall fan themselves at that. He was going to have a blast telling you all about the fawning women later.

“Ok, are you going to be good today?” He asked his daughter in a soft voice.

She nodded dutifully, her pony tail bouncing up and down. He smiled, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “good girl. I’ll see you later. Love you, baby girl.”

“I love you mostest!” His daughter smiles, pressing a wet kiss to his cheek before she darts off into the hallway.

Jaemin watches her with a bittersweet feeling. She was growing up too fast, just a few months ago she would cling to your legs and beg you not to leave her. Now, she was running off without even looking back.

Or so he thought, she got to her class and turned to Jaemin with a smile that resembled his own, and waved. Good, now he could get through the day.

[janeyseymour]

Love Thy Neighbor one shot where ellie calls mel mom for the first time in front of all the abbott family, maybe she gets sick at school and calls for her mom and when reader and mel show up she refuses to got with reader and they realize it’s mel she’s talking about

bestie. i got you.

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7. Part 8. Part 9. Part 10. Part 11. Part 12.

Title Change

WC: ~2.65k

Every year, right around the holidays, Ellie gets sick with whatever is running rampant through the school. And every year, you absolutely dread that time. It could be just the stereotypical, run of the mill fever, but it could also be the flu, a stomach bug, strep throat, pneumonia, pink eye… the worst was right before you moved out of Utah and she ended up with croup and in the hospital overnight. You’re pretty sure you’ll never be able to get the images or sounds from that experience out of your head. Seeing your little girl down for the count is so hard for you, and it doesn’t get any easier as she gets older- she’s still the same little love bug that you remember fussing over when her temperature ran a bit too high for your liking and she would fall asleep at a moment’s notice on your chest.

This year, she gets sick without fail, although you hate to admit that neither you nor your girlfriend had picked up on it when you brought her with you to school today. Her cheeks were a bit rosy this morning as you walked into Abbott, yes- but this December has been particularly cold so far and she had insisted on running around in her t-shirt and shorts this morning despite the fact that the living room was a crisp 65 degrees this morning when you woke up. And then on top of that, you were running a bit late and didn’t get your usual parking spot close to the front of the school.

Your little girl had been adamant that she stay attached to Melissa’s hip while the three of you sat in the staff lounge before everyone else comes in, which is not an uncommon occurrence. It’s warm and peaceful until Janine comes in with cookies for her students, and inevitably one for your daughter. Ellie begs you to let her have it, and you chuckle before relenting. It turns out that was the last think she needs because she’s running circles around the shorter second grade teacher within five minutes. Thankfully though, the time comes where the child high on sugar is no longer you’re problem- she’s now her teachers problem. The two of you walk her down to her first grade classroom before the rest of the kiddos trickle in.

“Be a good girl today, little miss,” you crouch down and open your arms.

Ellie’s arms are around your neck and squeezing you tight. “I always am, Momma.”

“I know, but I’m just reminding you,” you chuckle as you kiss her forehead. It’s a bit warm, but nothing that is too alarming. You release her, and it’s your girlfriend’s turn.

“Love you, kiddo,” Melissa embraces your daughter.

“I love you too,” the seven year old sighs as she rests her head on the second grade teacher’s shoulder for a few seconds. And then she’s bouncing into her classroom and greeting her teacher with the gusto that only a little girl who had a cookie at seven in the morning could have. You and the redhead chuckle as you watch before you loop an arm around your girlfriend and walk down to your little corner of the hallway.

“Did she feel a little warm to you?” Melissa asks you quietly.

You shrug. “A little, but she was also running circles around Janine not five minutes ago.”

“I guess,” she says softly. “I just know you said she always gets sick right before the holidays, and with everything going around…”

“God,” you groan. “I’ve had five kids out at the minimum everyday this week. I’m praying to God Ellie doesn’t get sick for break.”

“Knock on wood,” Melissa sighs as she knocks against her door. “But if she does get sick, we’ll be here for her.”

“Until I get sick with it too because she insists on laying on me,” you quip quietly.

The redhead kisses your temple. “And I’ll be here to take care of you.”

“It’s still insane to me that you haven’t been sick in over ten years.”

“It’s one of the few benefits I get for being in this germ breeding ground for so long,” Melissa chuckles.

Your kiddos come in and start on their morning work, and all is fine and normal until your classroom phone starts to ring. That’s unusual. Nobody ever uses the classroom phones because your crew will just call or text your personal phone, or they’ll just make the trip down to your end of the hallway. Honestly, the only people who really use the classroom phones are… the nurses.

“Hello?” you answer, and you pray to God it’s the nurse calling about the student that you had just sent down to the nurse’s office five minutes ago. But June comes walking back into the classroom right on time to confirm that this phone call isn’t about her.

“Hey.” It’s Ellie’s teacher.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to call and ask if Ellie was feeling okay when you brought her into school today?”

You exhale a heavy breath. “She was running around the apartment this morning singing Frozen and ran circles around Janine in the lounge this morning, so I would say so. Why?”

“Poor thing’s been shivering at her desk for the last twenty minutes while we’ve been doing word work,” your coworker says quietly. “I asked her if she had a sweater with her, but she said she left it with you.”

“Send her down,” you tell the woman.

“Will do,” the first grade teacher nods into the phone. “Thanks.”

Ellie appears in your doorway a few minutes later. Your third graders immediately start cooing over how adorable she is.

“Hey, baby girl,” you smile at her from your place at the front of the room. “Come to get your sweater?”

She nods before coughing a bit. You frown a bit, the lines in your forehead etching their way into your face. You tell your students to work through the next math problem while you attend to your little girl.

As you help her pull on her sweater, you whisper to her, “You feeling okay?” You press your hand against her forehead, and then her cheeks, and then her neck. She does feel warmer than she had earlier this morning.

“Jus’ cold,” Ellie mumbles.

“Okay, baby,” you sigh softly. “Well, you tell your teacher if you aren’t feeling well, and I can always take you home, yeah?”

“I’ll be okay, Momma,” your daughter tells you. “I’m tough like… like Mel.”

You chuckle a bit before kissing her head. “Okay, sweetness. But still, if you aren’t feeling well, that’s okay.”

“M’kay, Momma,” you little girl sighs as she holds her arms out to hug you. “I love you.”

“I love you too, little one,” you whisper as you kiss her still somewhat chubby cheek. “Head on back to class, and I’ll see you at the end of the school day, okay?”

She scampers out of the room, happy to have that extra layer on. Ellie really is going back to her classroom, but as she passes Melissa’s door, she can’t help but stop in the open doorway.

Your girlfriend raises her brows at the sight of your little girl. “Hey, El. What’s going on?”

“I had to get my sweater from Momma, but then I was passing your room and I wanted to say hi,” Ellie smiles bashfully from the door. “Can I come in and give you a hug?”

“One quick one,” the redhead sighs dramatically as she opens her eyes wide. Your daughter knows she isn’t one bit annoyed with the big grin that your girlfriend is wearing. “But then you have to get back to your room.”

“I know,” the first grader says as she runs into the room and into Melissa’s arms. “Quick snuggle, and then back to Miss Smith.”

“Right. Good girl,” Melissa praises your daughter before releasing her from the hug. “I’ll see you at the end of the day, okay?”

Ellie hums her response before stretching on her toes and kissing the second grade teacher’s cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you too, El.”

“I know!” your little girl grins as she skips out of the room and heads back for her own classroom.

By the time lunch rolls around, you still haven’t heard anything from your daughter’s first grade teacher or the nurses, so you assume that Ellie really is just toughing it out until you all get home for the night.

“Hey,” you greet your girlfriend sitting her place with a kiss to the temple. “How’s your day going so far?”

“I had a little visitor today,” Melissa chuckles. “Oh?”

“Ellie came in wanting a hug after she got her sweater from you,” your girlfriend smiles. “She’s lucky she’s cute.”

“Did she feel warm to you?” you ask her the same question she asked you this morning.

“I asked you that this morning,” Melissa rolls her eyes. “But yes, why?”

“Smith called asking if El was feeling well while I was teaching math and told me that she was shivering for the entirety of their word work time.”

“Poor thing’s probably getting sick,” the redhead sighs as she brings a forkful up to her mouth.

You hang your head. “Great.”

“At least it isn’t during break that she’s going to be sick,” Melissa tries to comfort you.

You nod. “I guess, but I hate seeing her like-”

“I want Mommy!” you can hear your little girl before you can see her. You raise a brow at that though- she never calls you ‘Mommy’. You’ve always been ‘Momma’, from the time that she was born. The staff room door whips open, and there is a wailing Ellie with snot running down her face as she clings to her first grade teacher’s hand. “I want Mommy!”

“Y/N, I’m so-” Miss Smith tries to get out.

You shake your head, refusing her apology- you know how your daughter can get when she’s not feeling well, and it’s quite clear to you now that Ellie is under the weather. You rush over to her and crouch down in front of her.

Melissa raises her brow, and she contemplates making her way over. But you’re always so good with your daughter, and you she figures that you have this one handled.

The rest of the Abbott crew makes their way in, sidestepping around you to get to their own spots. But of course, Ava stops in her tracks.

“Why’s your kid so snotty?”

“Ava,” you scold.

The principal shrugs and bypasses you to get to the coffee machine.

“I want Mommy!” Ellie continues to wail.

You open your arms for your sick little girl to fall into. “Momma’s right here, baby. I’m right here.”

“I want Mommy!” the child refuses and goes so far as to stomp her foot in frustration. That action is not something you would usually condone, but you let it slide just this one time. God, is she so sick she’s delirious and doesn’t realize that you’re right in front of her?

“Sweetheart, I’m right here,” you whisper and you reach out a hand to brush away a few of the hairs that are in her face. You pull your sleeve over your hand and wipe the snot away from her face. “Momma’s right here.”

“I want Mommy!” Ellie shrieks again as the tears pour down her face.

You run a hand over your face before pulling her into your arms. You lift her onto your hip and hold her as she cries, offering the rest of the staff an apologetic look for the commotion your daughter is causing. 

“Mommy’s here, baby,” you sigh softly. You take your seat back next to your girlfriend as you try to soothe your daughter enough to be able to take her through the halls to gather her things to head home for the day.

Melissa reaches a hand over and starts rubbing circles on Ellie’s back in hopes of helping to calm her down. At her touch, your little girl’s head pops up from its place on your shoulder, and she immediately reaches for the redhead.

Your girlfriend pulls Ellie into her lap and holds her, rocking her gently.

“Mommy,” the little girl whimpers as her cries and wails turn into soft sniffles.

Everyone’s eyes in the room, including your own, go wide. Melissa’s jaw drops, and she looks to you.

“What was that, baby?” you ask softly.

“I telled you and Miss Smith that I wanted Mommy,” Ellie mumbles as your girlfriend’s warm touch and gentle rocking starts to lull her to sleep. She starts to lazily play with the red curls that are within her reach as her eyes flutter shut. She’s snoring softly against Melissa’s shoulder within minutes.

The silence that has washed over the staff lounge at Ellie’s words is finally broken when the redhead asks softly, “Did she- did she call me ‘Mommy’? Am I ‘Mommy’?”

“I think she did,” Barbara smiles from her place.

“Wow,” Melissa whispers as she looks down at the little girl in her lap. “Wow.”

You also whisper your shock and surprise.

Those green eyes that you’ve fallen in love with look into yours seriously. “Are you- how do you feel about that?”

“Honestly?” you ask quietly.

She nods.

You smile softly, a bit sadly. “I wish it didn’t take her being ridiculously sick for her to call you that… but it feels so right.”

The second grade teacher takes one hand off of Ellie’s back to take your own. She squeezes it gently with tears in her eyes. 

“Sorry,” she chuckles as she wipes at her eyes. “I didn’t think I would get so emotional over this.”

You chuckle softly, as does Barbara.

“Well,” the kindergarten teacher looks to the two of you expectantly. “Little Ellie needs her Mommy and her Momma to take her home and look after her.”

You glance to your girlfriend, and she nods without hesitation.

“Even if Ava and Mr. J are our subs?” you double check.

“El needs us,” Melissa tells you firmly. “I don’t care who is with our kids as long as we’re with Ellie.”

“I’ll get everything together if you want to stay here with her?” you ask.

She nods. “You know where my sub plans are?”

“Of course I do,” you laugh softly as you stand. “Just give me like fifteen minutes, and then we can head out.”

When you return back to the staff lounge, Melissa is still holding your little girl close to her heart and humming softly while glaring at everyone else, daring them to make noise and wake the Ellie.

“Hey,” you lug your bags, your girlfriend’s bags, and your little girl’s backpack in as quietly as you can. “We’re good to go.”

She stands from her place, still managing to keep Ellie asleep on her. You’re both able to get her in the car and back into the apartment while she naps, and once the little girl is settled on the couch and still asleep, you take Melissa into the kitchen. You wrap your arms around her neck and look her in the eyes.

“I love you,” you whisper as you press your foreheads together.

“I love you too,” she tells you quietly. “And El.”

“You’re so good with her,” you tell Melissa softly. “So good.”

She hums before kissing you gently.

“How do you feel about being ‘Mommy’?” you ask your girlfriend.

Your girlfriend’s eyes well with tears again. “Like I’m on top of the world… that little girl of yours… wow.”

“That little girl of ours,” you correct her. “Ours.”

As if Ellie knows the two of you are talking about her, she whines out from her place on the couch. “Mommy! Momma!”

Motherhood never stops, and the two of you head into the living room to hold your daughter together. 

TAGS (and lmk if you wanna be added!): @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @thesamesweetie @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels--slut @gwennybriggs @megamultifandomtrashposts @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1 @maybe-a-humanbean @imlike-so-gaydude @sapphicxrat @a-queen-and-her-throne @sunsol-22 @notinmyvocab @melanielaufeyson

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

Something There (Chapter 8)

6.7k words

Roy Kent x Reader

Warnings: Language, mentions of sex, angst, mentions of slut-shaming and double standards, horrible reporters being horrible, pining, finally some fluff!!!

A/N: This is probably my favorite chapter so far, and has some of my favorite scenes I've ever written!! My heart is HAPPY!!

Series Masterlist

I understood; I understood completely.

Ted Lasso was warm, and kind, and fun. He looked at a person like they mattered and listened with genuine interest. He made you feel like he’d have your back and believed in you.

Ted Lasso was exactly what I needed.

After chatting over drinks about our backgrounds and careers, delving into our shared deep love for sports and coaching, he finally broached the subject that had been plaguing me nonstop for what felt like an eternity.

“So. How’re you doing? With all this… hullabaloo?”

He was too kind and polite to even name the hell I was living in.

A grimace crossed my face as I lifted my beer to my lips, trying to delay answering the question for as long as possible while those patient eyes gazed at me. Finally, I had no choice but to fill the silence. “I am… okay,” I finally mumbled. “Trying to just focus on the team, you know?”

Ted nodded, watching me carefully. “I completely understand,” he hummed. “Well, I mean, not completely of course. It’s mighty unfair the way they talk about you. But…” He shrugged, giving a small pop with his mouth. “I mean, they weren’t exactly nice to me when I got here. The press, the team, hell, even Becca.” His face softened at those last couple of words. “But, eyes on the prize, as they say.” He patted my hand gently, a paternal touch I didn’t realize I needed. “Now, like I said, I don’t totally understand what you’re going through. But if you need someone who has some small idea, well, I’m here.”

“Thank you, Ted,” I murmured. “I really appreciate it.”

He shrugged, turning his attention to glance around the pub. “Anytime, Clementine.”

After a moment, I opened my mouth again. “I’ve just waited my whole life for this. To be a role model, more than a pretty face that runs fast. Sometimes that’s all I felt like back when I played. And being a coach, well everything depends on my brain, you know?” Ted’s understanding nod urged me on. “And I was finally doing it. I was winning, and because England actually gives some semblance of a crap about soccer, people started to know who I was. And then…” A big breath left my lungs. “And then this… thing happens, and it’s like nothing else matters. Olympic medals, World Cups, national titles, win streaks. Nope. Everyone thinks I’m just another Roy Kent girl.”

“You’re not just another Roy Kent girl,” Ted assured me. “It might feel like it, whatever that means, but you’re not. You’re Coach Buck, for Pete’s sake.” His smile warmed all the cold parts of my heart that had developed since Keeley first showed me the photos. “And it might feel like everyone thinks so, but I can tell you for a fact it’s not true.” He pulled out his phone and showed me the freckle-faced kid who took up his lock screen. “My boy has not stopped asking about you since I got here. Kid thinks you’re the absolute bee’s knees, Coach. He doesn’t care about these stupid headlines or what you do off the field. Heck, he even told me I should ask you for some coaching pointers.”

Beer nearly shot out of my nose as I let out a thankful laugh. “Ted Lasso, you have no idea how badly I needed to hear that.”

“Sure, I do.” He bumped his shoulder into mine. “Sometimes, ya just need a reminder about why we do what we do. To inspire other people to be their best selves.” He nodded towards his phone before pocketing it. “And you sure as heck inspire this kid. And I’m willing to bet he ain’t the only one.”

I stared at him for a moment. “You know… If you want, we could Facetime him while you’re here. If you think he’d like that, I mean.”

Lasso’s smile lit up the whole pub. “He’d love that, Coach.”

~

“Hey, Coach. Ready for that chat?”

A growl escaped Roy’s throat as Ted entered the empty office. “No,” he huffed, turning his attention back to the playbook on his desk.

Ignoring Roy’s scowl, not for the first time since they’d met, Ted plopped himself down on Beard’s desk, eyebrows raised. “I know what you need,” he announced, leaning over to grab the phone off Roy’s desk. “Better get some bones and treats, because I’m calling the Diamond Dogs.”

Before Roy could protest, Ted had called Higgins and texted Nate and Beard; almost instantly the office was filled with the sounds of howling and barking that Roy was sure anyone who was still in the building could hear. The men assembled, closing doors and perching themselves in chairs and against walls, eyes expectantly trained on Roy, as if they already knew the reason for this meeting.

When Roy glared at Ted, the American knew he’d have to get the ball rolling.

“Diamond Dogs,” he announced, “as y’all know, our favorite junkyard dog here has been goin’ through somethin’. I bet he could use some friendly ears to bark at.” He nodded to Roy. “Coach?”

There was no getting out of this. Roy knew that. So, he might as well get it over with.

“Yeah.” He turned his chair and plopped his feet on his desk, trying to keep up his uncaring demeanor. “You all fucking know. Fucking photos, fucking paparazzi and reporters, blah blah blah.” He nodded to Ted, whose face was stupidly supportive. “There. Done.”

Nate cleared his throat. “What about you and Coach Buck?”

It was probably the harshest scowl Roy had given in a long time. “What about me and Coach Buck?” His chest felt tight just saying her name out loud.

“Well…” Nate’s eyes were on the ceiling. “I mean, the two of you were getting kind of close, weren’t you? Before all this happened?” He seemed to shrink slightly under Roy’s glare. “Weren’t you?”

“We’re not close,” Roy spat. “So, dunno what there is to talk about.”

Beard sighed and narrowed his eyes at Roy. “How about we talk about how unhappy you’ve been ever since this all went down? How about we talk about the fact that you slept with her- don’t make that face at me, neither of you have denied it- and now you both look like the most miserable people in the world? Let’s talk about that.”

Before Roy could argue, Higgins cleared his throat. “Roy, have you tried, I don’t know, talking to the poor girl?”

Was there a way to renounce his membership from the fucking Diamond Dogs? “As a matter of fact, we have talked. And she wants nothing to do with me. So, again, what’s the point in any of this?”

Ted cleared his throat. “If I may, Coach, it sure didn’t look like she wanted nothing to do with ya when I saw y’all in the parking lot.” His face was soft. “She seemed pretty grateful for your help, actually. Did everything but call you her knight in shining armor when she told me about that paparazzo.”

Roy rolled his eyes, hating the blush on his face for betraying him. “Yeah, well, that’s about all I’m good for probably.” He stared at his shoes for a moment, scrunching his nose. “Just hate seeing her so fucking miserable,” he heard himself admit quietly. “It’s not really fair, this shit. All that ‘takes two to tango’ shit, but no one’s saying a word about me. It’s stupid as hell.” Dammit, he was ranting now. “And I just want to fucking fix everything but I can’t.”

“You could be her friend,” Ted said quietly. “It sounds like she could really use more of those right now.” He cleared his throat. “You know, I told her all about how Henry just really admires her- heck, I think there might be a little crush there too- and let me tell you, she looked so relieved to hear that. We actually FaceTimed him earlier today before he went to school, and man she was almost as jazzed as he was.” Ted shrugged.

Higgins nodded. “I think she just needs to feel supported and respected right now.” He cocked his head at Roy. “Just give her that, Roy. The rest will follow.”

“The fuck do you mean ‘the rest’-?”

The sound of a door opening had the men jumping. Through the window, Roy could see Buck stroll into her office, sipping her water bottle and looking at something on her phone. She froze, as if she could feel the eyes of the Diamond Dogs on her. She blinked several times when she looked up and saw the Greyhounds office filled with men staring. With her eyes on Roy, she gave a small, awkward wave before sitting at her desk and turning to her computer.

Ted smiled at Roy. “Diamond Dogs, dismissed.”

With soft barks and yaps, the men dispersed, ready to call it a day and go home. Roy sat at his desk, staring through that window, watching her type away. He thought about what they’d said; for some reason, he felt struck by Ted’s mention of Henry. Not quite sure what he was doing, Roy stood and approached the door that separated their offices. He opened it softly, raising his eyebrows when she turned around to look at him.

“Knock, knock,” he mumbled stupidly.

Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, but Roy would take what he could get. “Hey, Coach.” She wrinkled her nose. “What the fuck was all that barking?”

“Barking? What barking?” Roy entered the office and perched on Lucas’s desk, feigning ignorance as he stared at the too-pretty manager.

“Fine, don’t tell me,” she chuckled with an eyeroll. “Need something? I’m just trying to finish a couple emails before I head out.”

Roy studied her face for a moment. His gaze briefly flickered to her Brandi Chastain poster before returning to those eyes that made his insides squirm. “Would you want to come meet Phoebe’s football team?”

She blinked a few times. “Phoebe’s team?” she echoed.

He nodded, feeling good about himself for once. “Yeah. She asked me a while ago about inviting you, hasn’t shut up about you since the charity game actually.” He shrugged. “I think it’d be… fun.”

The hesitation in her eyes was heartbreaking. “Oh, I don’t know, Roy…” She bit her lip. “What if the parents don’t like me being there?”

Fuck, her voice was tiny. “If they don’t like the idea of a fucking Olympic champion watching their daughter’s football practice, they can deal with me,” he huffed. “What d’you say? Want to make me the coolest uncle in the world?”

“Well, in that case.” A genuine little smile graced her face. “Alright. Fine. I’m there.”

~

Leaving the Dog Track to go meet Roy and the girls’ team, I felt that familiar mixture of excitement and anxiety, the kind I got before games, or before an important meeting. It was a good feeling; I hadn’t had it in a while. My phone vibrating interrupted my reflecting on why this practice had me so wound-up.

“Hello?”

“Hey there.” I could hear Geroge’s smile through the phone. “I know it’s last minute, but I wanted to see if you’d want to grab dinner tonight?”

I cleared my throat as I started my walk towards the address Roy had given me. “Oh, sorry, not tonight, George. I’ve got plans.”

The disappointment in his voice was kind of sweet. “No problem. Anything exciting?”

Why did I feel weird telling him?

“Kent invited me to come meet his niece’s team,” I explained slowly. “So I’m heading on over to the school to go see their practice, say hello to the girls. Should be fun.” I tried to keep my voice light and casual, as if this was a totally normal thing to do.

Goerge was silent for a moment. “Oh. That’s lovely of you.” He cleared his throat. “Don’t you think it’s a little risky though? Being out like that? Someone might see the two of you, take some pictures…”

I passed a Whippets advertisement, one that had yet to be graffitied. “I mean, it’s a kids’ soccer practice. I doubt the press’ll be there,” I pointed out with a huffy chuckle. “And honestly, I don’t really care if anyone sees. What can they say about me visiting a girls’ team that they didn’t already say about me going into Roy Kent’s house?”

Another silence came, the same one that usually followed references to the fact that I’d slept with Roy; I hadn’t directly told George that I had, he hadn’t directly asked, but it wasn’t difficult to figure out. It was clearly not something George liked thinking about, and it was something I did my best to avoid bringing up. But for some reason, it slipped out now.

“Well,” he finally murmured. “I think you’ll have a good time. Should be a fun little evening with the kids… and Kent.” He paused. “Call me later?”

“Sure,” I hummed, hating the sinking feeling that I’d done something wrong. “Talk to you later.” I shoved my phone into my pocket and continued my walk, trying to ignore whatever that phone call was and focus instead on the evening ahead of me.

When I finally arrived at the school field, I realized my heart was hammering. It was kind of ridiculous; I’d done school visits and things like that. I’d spoken in front of crowds of students and young athletes. But for some reason, visiting one little girls’ soccer team had me feeling the way I did before stepping onto the field for the World Cup: anxious, unable to breathe.

But a high-pitched squeal immediately brought a smile to my face.

“Coach Buck!”

With a small wave, I approached the group of girls that were passing and warming up; immediately, I was tackled by a familiar blonde.

“Hey, Pheobe,” I chuckled, hugging her back. “How’ve you been?”

She beamed up at me. “Good! I’m so glad you came. I’ve been asking and asking Uncle Roy to invite you. And-”

“And she’s fucking here, ain’t she?” Roy wrapped an arm around Phoebe and shoved her aside. “Go warm up, you.” As Phoebe scampered away, he nodded to me. “Coach.”

I couldn’t help but smirk at him. “Coach.”

He cleared his throat, suddenly the picture of nervousness. “Right. So, I was thinking, I’d introduce you to the team, you could say a few words if you want, and maybe you could help run training? Unless you’d rather just watch. Either way’s fine with me.”

“I’d love to help.”

His face turned relieved. “Great.” He turned towards the group of girls, who were more interested in us than in their warmup. “Oi! Huddle up!” As soon as the girls were gathered around, Roy nodded curtly at me. “This here’s Coach Buck. She manages the Richmond Whippets. And, in case Phoebe here hasn’t already told you, she’s a World Cup champion and has an Olympic gold medal.” The excited buzzing from the girls had me fighting a smile- and it looked like Roy was fighting one too. “She wanted to come say hello to you all and help with practice. Sound good?”

“Yes, Coach!”

Roy raised an eyebrow at me. “Coach?”

With a deep breath, I took a step forward, willing myself to gaze at the little faces staring back with solemn expressions of excitement and awe. “Hello, ladies,” I greeted, putting on my best smile. “Roy- Coach Kent- has told me that you are probably the best team he coaches.” Their little giggles began to put me at ease. “And I am so excited to get to hang out with you today and see what you’ve got!”

The next hour was the best one I’d had since I moved to England- probably one of the best hours of my entire life. The girls were more than talented- they were enthusiastic, fierce, passionate, determined, fearless, everything I remembered being at their age. They played as if there was no such thing as losing or getting hurt. Every mistake was an opportunity to get better, every success was meant to be exceeded. By the end of practice, I knew every girl’s name and felt a tug in my heart when they called me “Coach”.

“Uncle Roy,” Phoebe hummed as he gathered the team at the end of practice. “Can we try to get past you?”

Roy glanced in my direction before shrugging. “You girls really want to play?”

The resounding YES had me wondering what ‘getting past’ Roy meant. As if she could sense my curiosity, Phoebe tugged my hand.

“You’re going to love this, Coach Buck,” she gushed. “It’s our favorite!”

The girls lined up, bouncing with excitement, while Roy grabbed a ball and jogged towards one of the goals made of a couple of cones. With the ease of someone who’d done this dozens of times, he rolled the ball to Kokoruda, who was first in line. She immediately began dribbling towards Roy and made a respectable attempt to score on the experienced player.

“Next!” he barked after kicking the ball out of bounds.

One by one, the girls tried to score on Roy; and each one failed.

“You don’t go easy on them?” I probed as I trotted over to Roy to return another ball to him.

He caught the ball with ease. “Fuck no,” he chuckled. “Their opponents won’t ever go easy on ‘em, will they? Why should I?”

Before I could concede that he had a point, Phoebe called out, “Coach Bucky! You should try!”

With a smirk, Roy tossed the ball back to me. “Yeah, Coach Bucky. You should try.”

Maybe it was being around the girls, maybe it was the cockiness on Roy Kent’s face. Maybe it was something else. “Fine, I’ll try,” I shot back, taking my place at the front of the line. I looked at the girls. “Any of you ever get it past him?” When they all shook their heads, my grin grew. “Well, guess he’s due for a loss then.”

I stood with my foot on top of the ball for a moment, just staring down Roy Kent. He narrowed his eyes playfully, a smile almost breaking through his serious glare. With a deep breath, I began dribbling, wondering when I had last just played like this. Roy jogged out to meet me, expertly trying to get the ball out of my control. We moved this way, that way; I was a bit surprised how well I was doing against him, if I was being honest.

“Not going easy on me, are you Kent?” I huffed, very aware of the way his body pressed against mine as he tried to steal the ball from behind me.

“Not a fucking chance,” he assured me, his breath tickling my neck.

With what I hoped was a casual chuckle, I found my opening, evading Roy and making my way towards the goal, a smaller target than I was used to. As I inched forward, I felt a pair of hands brush my sides, warm and playful.

Phoebe’s giggling voice interrupted the reeling in my head. “Uncle Roy, that’s a foul!”

“Right!” came a gruff voice behind me, laughing as the hands disappeared.

Able to return my focus to the ball at my feet, I sprinted forward, ankle be damned, and broke away from Roy; the ball sailed between the cones with ease, giving me that old, thrilling feeling of scoring a goal. When I turned around, the girls were cheering- and Roy was smiling at me.

“My knee’s fucked,” he huffed jokingly between breaths, hands on his hips as he approached. “That was hardly fair.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him as we started to walk back towards the team. “Oh, and what would you call my ankle?”

His smile widened. “Also fucked.”

Before I could snark back, the girls tackled me with hugs and shouts, clearly impressed that anyone could get past their burly coach. Roy eyed me over their heads, his face soft, reminding me of the night of the gala. All I could do was grin back at him, wondering if he felt the same warmth in his chest that I felt.

Roy dismissed his team, reminding them about their upcoming game, one they begged me to come watch. To my shock, a few parents stopped me to shake my hand and ask if they could get a picture of me with their daughter; that warm feeling in my chest grew with each “My daughter adores you!” or “It’s so cool that you came!” The whole time, Roy and Phoebe collected the equipment, with Phoebe watching me with great interest.

As the last of the girls left, I meandered over to the coach and his niece, stopping when I found myself looking into those brown eyes.

“Thanks, Kent,” I said, wondering if he could hear the thick emotion in my voice. “This… this was exactly what I needed.”

His eyes sparkled. “What, a bunch of little girls worshipping you?”

A snort escaped when I tried to hold back my laughter. “They didn’t worship-”

“Fuck off,” he chuckled, giving me a soft punch in the arm. “They fucking adored you. You’re their queen or some shit. Seriously-” He bobbled his head playfully. “-they’re probably planning a coup to get rid of me so you can be their coach.” He pointed to Pheobe, who was hovering nearby, obviously anxious to interrupt our conversation. “And that little traitor will be leading the fucking cavalry.” He waved her over. “Come say goodnight, Phoebe.”

Phoebe wrapped her arms around me, giving a squeeze. “Thank you for coming,” she gushed before letting go. “You know I have your poster in my room?” Her smile was full of pride. “I told Uncle Roy I wanted one, so he got one for me. It’s right above my dresser, so I can see it when I get ready for football.”

My jaw dropped slightly as my gaze shifted between Phoebe and Roy, who shrugged at me. Before I could think of something to say, he opened his mouth.

“I’ll make you a deal, Pheebs,” he started, eyes fixated on me. “You score in our next match, I’ll take you to see the Whippets, and we can ask very nicely if Coach Buck here will sign your poster.”

A lump formed in my throat when I saw the delight on Phoebe’s face. “Yeah,” I managed to choke out as I blinked back tears. “I could do that.”

~

There was a dull ache in Roy’s knee when he arrived at the Dog Track early the next morning, but it was a hell of a lot better than the sharp pain in his chest that seemed to be slowly disappearing. He figured he’d pop into the treatment room, grab some ice and baby his knee before getting ready for training.

When he walked through the door, he realized he wasn’t the only one that needed some tending to.

There she was, leg propped up on a chair, ice on her ankle as she scrolled on her phone. Her head snapped up at the sound of the door opening, and her face broke into one of those perfect smiles when she saw it was Roy. Without a word, they both started chuckling, almost relieved to see that the other had also overdone it the night before.

“Guess you meant it when you said you weren’t going easy on me,” she mused, watching Roy grab himself an ice pack.

He chuckled and rolled up his trackpants to expose his knee, flinching slightly as the cold touched his bare skin. “You’d fucking kill me if I did,” he pointed out. “It’d be fucking insulting.” After a moment of silence, staring at each other’s injuries, Roy opened his mouth again. “I’ll be at your game tonight,” he murmured, hoping he sounded casual.

Instead of the surprised look he expected, he swore he saw pleasure on her face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He let his eyes linger on her face. “I know the guys’ve been trying to go to as many matches as possible to show their support. Told Sam and Jamie I’d be joining them tonight. Richmond til we die, right?”

“Richmond til we die,” she repeated, her soft smile nearly stopping Roy’s heart.

Their quiet moment was interrupted by the door opening again. Rebecca stood with her hand on the doorknob, eyebrows raised at the sight of her two managers grinning at each other and icing their injuries.

“Good morning, coaches,” she greeted in a light voice, eyebrows raising slightly higher when she locked eyes with Roy before turning to the Whippets manager. “Just wanted to check in, I know you’ve got a long day. Match is at six, I believe some of the Greyhounds will be there again-”

Roy couldn’t resist piping up. “We will be.”

Rebecca didn’t bother hiding her smile as she went on. “After the match, Keeley will take Lucas to the press room, and you and I can-”

This time, the other manager interrupted her. “No.”

“No?” Rebecca blinked.

“Fuck it,” she sighed, sitting up and tossing her ice pack aside. “This is my team, right? I’m doing the press conference. Luke has covered for me long enough.”

Rebecca tilted her head sympathetically. “Are you sure?”

For a moment, those eyes turned to Roy, silently asking for his thoughts, as though his opinion mattered to her. When he gave her the tiniest, almost unnoticeable nod, she looked back at Rebecca, head held high. “Hell yeah.”

Roy had chosen the right match to come to, he realized. A 4-0 win to move into first place had him grinning with the Greyhounds as they cheered on the Whippets before they disappeared back into the tunnel. For a moment, he locked eyes with Buck, who tapped her fingers to her temple, giving Roy’s signature little salute. He saluted back, ignoring the grin on Jamie’s face. Maybe, just maybe, the two managers could grab a drink together to celebrate her win. Roy’s treat, of course. She’d more than earned it.

But first, she had a press conference to give. The Whippets and Greyhounds, intent on celebrating together, assembled in the weight room and gathered around the televisions on the wall. Roy stood right in front, Jamie by his side, eyes glued to the screen as she took her seat, red lips curled into a perfect smile.

Initially, the questions were typical post-match queries: how did she feel about the performance, what did she have to say about this error, how thrilling was that goal. And she handled them all with ease, reminding Roy of that first press conference he’d watched, where he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. But now, instead of a scowl, he almost wore a smile watching her, and he finally understood why his heart was hammering so hard. Yeah, this was good. She was good.

Until the questions weren’t good.

“Roy Kent was in the stands today,” one reporter called out. “Any thoughts on that?”

Her smile faltered as her eyes shifted away from the crowd in front of her. “Oh. Yes, the Greyhounds have been great in showing their support for the Whippets.” Her smile returned, though not as confident as before. “We’re overdue to cheer them on, so keep an eye out for us at their next match!”

Another question came at her. “What is your relationship with Roy now?”

She cleared her throat. “All the coaches here at Richmond have a great respect and fondness for one another. We’re lucky to have two great staffs that work together so well. It’s how we get wins like the one we had today, on both the men’s and women’s sides.”

Roy felt his face burn, along with several pairs of eyes staring at him. He didn’t care that she avoided the question; it was the same non-answer Keeley had given him to spout out whenever he got asked the same thing. It was the way the question came out, accusatory and aggressive, that had him frowning.

“Does your dominant personality play a role in your relationship with Roy Kent?”

There was no denying the way she scrunched her nose, fully understanding the implication. “Again, all of us coaches hold each other in high regard and have great professional relationships. Now, if you want to talk dominance, out there on the field today, Kira-”

“Speaking of Kira Malone,” a gruff voice interrupted. “She was recently seen at a pub with Jamie Tartt. Do you think your affair with Roy Kent has made the Whippets think it’s okay to run around with the Greyhounds? Is that professional?”

She began sputtering for the first time. “I would hardly call it an affair- But honestly, they’re adults, they’re professionals, I honestly-”

“And you were spotted with Ted Lasso recently,” another voice called out. “Can we assume you’ve moved on from Roy Kent?”

Her eyes widened, but she tried to recover her cool. “Coach Lasso’s a great coach. I-”

A harsh laugh rang out of the speakers. “Yeah, what does Kent think of your relationship with his ex-manager?”

Roy took a step towards the door; he knew that running into that press room would make things worse, would be a headline every paper would be running in the morning, but he didn’t give a fuck. His whole body was burning with fury as he listened to them challenge and fucking laugh at her.

A hand clasped his shoulder; Jamie was shaking his head, eyes full of sympathy, as if he too wanted to rush in and rescue her. But they both knew that she needed to do this on her own.

“Oi, is Roy why you always wear that red lipstick? Should we expect to see it on his collar sometime?”

She looked small, so impossibly small, not at all like the woman Roy had been fighting with and falling for all these months. Her defiance disappeared under their demeaning questions, her fierceness was stolen by their laughter, her cockiness was stifled by their mockery.

“What kind of example do you think you’re setting for the girls of Richmond? Sleeping with Roy Kent and all?”

That seemed to be the question that knocked the fight out of her.

“Oh, fuck this,” Roy growled, tugging out his phone. He quickly typed six little words, the first text message he’d ever sent her.

Don’t you fucking dare play nice.

Her eyes flickered to her phone, eyebrows raising; Roy knew she’d gotten his message. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting them continue to shout and shame her. Finally, she sat up tall, jaw set, and stared down the crowd in front of her.

“You know what?” she asked, her voice low and gravely. “Fuck these questions you keep asking me.” Roy was sure he heard Keeley squeak on the television. “You’re not asking Roy Kent these questions. You’re not asking if he’s a good role model. You’re not questioning his ability to manage his team.” She shook her head. “What message am I sending to young girls? Really? How about what message are you sending?”

Roy was sure it was Kira Malone’s voice behind him calling out, “Fuck yeah, Buck!”

She sat up taller now. “I am a fucking Olympian. I am a champion coach. I have won more titles and trophies and medals than this entire building combined.”

“Tell ‘em, Coach!” Jamie laughed, nodding up at her face onscreen.

Roy’s mind wandered, of all places, to his niece. To the way she adored that loud, abrasive woman, a woman who was standing up for girls like Phoebe. A lump formed in his throat as he listened; fuck, he might actually fucking cry. And he didn’t care if the Greyhounds saw the tears in his eyes. He didn’t even care about the way Jamie was staring at him; he was too enraptured by the scene unfolding on the television.

“I chose to sleep with a nice man one time, and suddenly all my accomplishments don’t matter? Who cares about Olympic gold when you’ve gone to bed with Roy Kent? What defines me is who I go home with? What message is that for the daughters of Richmond? You’re telling your girls that their accomplishments and dreams are nothing compared with what they do in the bedroom. No.” Her eyes were hard and steely as she shook her head. “Fuck this. I’m done. If I wanted to go and sleep with Roy Kent tonight, that’s my own damn business. If I wanted to sleep with any other man, or woman, or whoever, that’s my business.”

Shouts of agreement echoed through the weight room, from both Whippets and Greyhounds. A smile crept across Roy’s lips; fuck, she was incredible. If he wasn’t in love before, he definitely was now.

“What example am I setting for the girls of Richmond?” she asked with a dry laugh. “Not letting jackasses like you question our worth because of a man. That’s the example I’m setting. So if you’re here to ask about my sex life, you can fuck right off. It’s not up for debate, not anymore. It’s not what we’re talking about, now or ever. What I’m here to talk about is the fact that the Whippets are in first place and are expected to finish in the top three in our first damn season. How about you ask me about that?”

~

My heartbeat throbbed in my ears as I stood up, only vaguely registering the female reporters and handful of men who also stood, clapping and calling out words of support. I grabbed my phone and rushed out of the press room, not bothering to look at Keeley and Rebecca; I’d apologize to them later. I’d do whatever Keeley needed me to do to spin this. I’d offer to do whatever public appearances Rebecca demanded.

But first, I needed to get to my office to hyperventilate in peace.

As my feet did their job, carrying me down the halls, I became aware of the sound of… clapping? Cheering?

When I turned the last corner that would take me to the changing room, I finally stopped in my tracks.

Lining the hall were both Richmond teams, a beautiful jumble of smiles and applause and cheers, all watching me with affection. Suddenly, I found myself smothered with hugs and kisses and handshakes. Kira held me close, whispering in my ear about how proud she was to play for me; Jamie Tartt kissed my forehead and called me a bad-ass; over and over, Greyhounds and Whippets embraced me and offered their love and support.

By the time I reached the locker room, tears were freely streaming down my face, releasing all the emotion I’d been holding back in the press room; hell, all the emotion I’d been holding back since Keeley first showed me the photos of me and Roy.

The Greyhounds coaches stood in front of the locker room, pride shining on their faces. Beard and Nate each held me tight, murmuring about how amazed they were. Finally, Roy stood in front of me, his eyes watery as he gazed down at me.

“Welcome back, Coach,” he hummed, sticking out his hand.

I grasped his hand, shaking it firmly, unable to hold back my tearful smile. “Good to be back, Coach,” I murmured. I gave his hand a squeeze before letting go. “And thank you,” I whispered.

He shook his head softly. “Anytime.”

A pair of arms wrapped around me; Lucas was hugging me, tighter than anyone else had. “I’m so proud of you,” he choked out, crying almost as hard as I was. “So fucking proud, kid.”

With one last look at Roy, I let Lucas steer me into our office, listening to him chatter about how much he loved my little speech. I collapsed in my chair and laughed, from disbelief that I had just done that. My phone went off; George.

“Hey!” I exclaimed, wiping my face. “Did ya see me?”

“What the hell, Buck?” he hissed. “You just made things so much harder on yourself. They’re not going to forgive you for this. They’re not going to like you after this. Trust me, I know these people.”

When Lucas saw the way my face fell, he gave my shoulder a squeeze and left, figuring I needed some privacy.

I hunched over my desk and clutched my phone to my face. “To be honest, George, I don’t think I care if they like me. They don’t respect me, so why do I care if they think I’m nice?” I shook my head. “I’m proud of myself, actually. And so is my team. And so are the Greyhounds.” And so is Roy Kent, a little voice in the back of my head whispered.

He paused. “It was good,” he sighed. “You sounded great. Honestly, it was a great ‘girl power’ moment.” There was another moment of quiet on his end before his voice turned thoughtful. “You know, I bet we could do a great article about this. Give your side of things, talk all about the slut-shaming and double standards-”

“Didn’t you listen to what I said?” I scoffed, sensing someone approaching my office. “I’m fucking done talking about this. I’m not answering questions about this, ever again. Everyone knows I had sex with Roy Kent, that’s more than they need to know. I don’t owe anyone anything else.”

“Right.” He cleared his throat. “Why don’t we grab a late dinner? Could, I dunno, celebrate your win or something.”

For the first time since we met, I had no interest in seeing George Willows. “Not tonight,” I muttered. “I just… want to go home. Sleep. Avoid Twitter.” I finally turned, realizing it was, of all people, Roy hovering in my doorway. “Listen, I gotta go. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Not waiting for a reply, I hung up, tossing my phone on my desk before turning my chair around, raising my eyebrows teasingly at Roy. “Need something? Or are you going to send me another inspiring text message?”

He stared at me, mouth open like he was about to speak. Finally, he just shook his head and let out a breathy chuckle. “Fuck,” he breathed, stepping further into my office. “You… you were fucking something today, you know that?”

I shook my head and stood up, meeting him in the middle of the room. “Kent-”

“No.” He smirked at me. “Take the fucking compliment.” He shrugged. “I just wanted to tell you I was… really impressed today.” He cleared his throat. “On the field. In the press room. You’re a fucking great manager.” He let out a deep breath, eyes shifting around the office. “Don’t think I’ve told you that, and I’m sorry I haven’t.” He met my gaze, his smirk becoming a smile. “And I am very glad Phoebe has someone like you to look up to. So… that’s it, I guess.”

Roy Kent was looking at me with admiration. Roy Kent, who’d hated me and screamed at me. Roy Kent, who’d slept with me. Roy Kent, who asked me to speak to a girls’ soccer team. Roy Kent.

Roy Kent, who I wrapped my arms around and pulled into a hug. Not giving a shit about anything outside my tiny office, I pressed my body close to his, squeezing him tight. I buried my face in his shoulder, letting my tear-stained face dampen his Greyhounds shirt. His words, the look on his face, they were exactly what I needed.

His hands hovered over my hips, not returning the embrace, and I could hear him clear his throat, the vibration rumbling against my chest. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Immediately regretting my impulsive action, I pulled back, positive my face was bright red. “Shit,” I mumbled, my mind reeling from the roller coaster of emotions I was having tonight. “Sorry, I-”

Suddenly, I was pulled back to Roy’s chest, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I swore he sighed when my arms returned to his neck, and when my head hit his chest, I could hear his heart pounding, just as hard as I knew mine was. We stood there, hugging, wrapped up in whatever little world we were in, away from the press and the rumors and the judgement.

Just me and Roy.

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[wardenparker]

Down the Rabbit Hole - ch 5

Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

When Jack accidentally shoots a civilian on a mission he takes on not only the guilt of the man’s death, but inherits his soulmate as well. To you, it’s a dream job with more perks than you can imagine - but for Jack it’s a nightmarish complication. Even more so when he starts to develop feelings.    

Rating: E for Explicit. 18+! Word Count: 9.6k Warnings: *Blanket warnings - mentions of deceased spouse, a lot of food and alcohol consumption, family recipes, age gap, cursing.* Sexy shower time, a whole truck load of anger, fisticuffs, a bunch of angry people being upset with each other. Summary: A blissful morning becomes a whirlwind nightmare when Tequila sees your tattoo. But the biggest revelation doesn’t come until you’ve gotten all the way back to Louisville. Notes: Guys, I just...this chapter happens very fast and there is a *lot* of stuff going on. And I just love absolutely everything about it. 😂

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9 ~ Ch 10 ~ Ch 11 ~ Ch 12 ~ Ch 13 ~ Ch 14 ~ Ch 15 ~ Epilogue

Sunlight streaming through the curtains is what wakes you, traffic on the busy Boston streets leaking into the beautiful calm of your room and heavy arm around your waist anchoring you to the mattress. Tex is curled around your back like a huge koala, holding on and nuzzling into the back of your neck in his dreams. The general lack of clothing and ache between your thighs would be telltale if you had been drunk when everything happened, but you since you weren't it's just a lovely reminder. Every second is catalogued away in your memory, right down to the moment you both collapsed, sweaty and satiated, and fell asleep in each other's arms within minutes.

Humming, Tex is aware the second you wake, stirring from his own deep and satisfying sleep. "Good morning." He grins and kisses the back of your neck without even opening his eyes. "Did I manage to convince you?" He asks playfully, telling you last night before falling asleep he was going to demand an answer on if you preferred cowboys in the morning.

"Got a secret for you," you mumble, turning over in his arms to curl into his chest. If not for the damn family brunch you're supposed to be at this morning, you would be very happy not to move from this bed. "I've always liked cowboys."

Tequila barks out a sleep rough chuckle and pulls you closer, rolling onto his back so that you are sprawled out on top of him. "That so, cowgirl?" He huffs playfully.

“Always.” The nod you give him is solemn, even if your grin is playful. “Watched Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid the first time when I was eleven and never got over it.”

You would make a perfect spouse for a Statesman agent then. Tequila knows he can't tell you about things until it becomes more serious, but he winks at you. "Well then, I guess you're in luck." He teases, leaning in and kissing you while he reaches up to grab his hat off the bedpost. He pulls away and sets it on your head.

“It’s about as subtle as a heart attack.” His hat shades you like a beach umbrella when he pops it on top of your bed head and you laugh, dopey on attraction and good dreams. “I like it though. Might have to get one of my own eventually.”

“No need to be subtle.” Tex grins at you and rolls his hips up, letting you feel the very unsubtle thing that is hard between you. “Not when I’m showing my hand.”

“Good.” When you look down at him again you hum a little, bowing your head to steal another kiss. “I hate games. One hundred percent honesty all the way.”

He would pull you against him for another round, but he got a copy of the itinerary, same as you, and he knows that you need to be there for the brunch. “How about we explore in the shower while we get ready?” He poses, smirking against your lips as he squeezes your ass.

“Sexy and responsible. I like it.” You sit up reluctantly, knowing that it will have to be a quickie since you’re supposed to be downstairs in the dining room in half an hour. “C’mon, cowboy. I’m sure the shower has enough room for two.”

“I made sure of it.” Tex sits up as you scamper off the bed. Hating that you are walking away from him, but admiring the way your ass shakes. “Plenty of time to make sure your knees tremble when you walk.” He growls confidently before he throws himself out of bed to chase after you.

“Planning on seducing me, were you?” Even though you make it to the bathroom first, his long arm reaches past you to turn on the shower head and you smirk at him over your shoulder. “Have I been seduced?”

“Have you?” Tex winks at you and grins. “You tell me.”

"Fifty-fifty," you decide, after giving him a good, long look up and down. Tex isn't shy about anything, least of all his body, and he gives you a flex for good measure. "Call it a mutual seduction."

"I can't deny that." He chuckles and glances down pointedly at his groin for good measure.

"If you want more, you gotta get in here." One step backward and you're in the shower, tipping your head back to luxuriate in the fierce spray of hot water. "Otherwise we're gonna be late."

"Wash first, play after." Tex promises, sending you a wink and ducking his head down to lick a line of water off your chest, perilously close to your nipple.

"How is that after?" You whine, gasping at how close he comes to where you wish he would have directed that troublesome tongue of his.

He chuckles again and straights up, sending you a small wink. "You don't want me to wash you?" He asks with a play pout.

"Well...if you're offering." The nearby facecloth is in your hand immediately, getting soaking wet under the hot water to hand over so he can lather it - and you - up.

Taking the washrag, Tex smirks and motions for you to turn around. "Back first." He tells you, reaching out to slap your ass when you obey him.

"Yes, sir." Giggling, you shake your ass for him before stretching your arms and giving a contented sigh. This is pretty close to a perfect morning, as far as morning after scenarios go, and you're planning on enjoying the hell out of it.

He tucks his tongue between his teeth and starts to wash you. Just because he's copping a feel here and there - okay, a lot of feels - doesn't mean he isn't going to wash you properly.

It's nearly hypnotic, aside from the distracting hands grabbing and squeezing and making both of you giggle or moan, alternately. When he finally gets to your other arm, he starts rubbing at it like he's trying to scrub your skin clean off and you laugh again. "Sometimes the makeup gets smudgy before it comes off," you explain, having entirely forgotten that you covered your tattoo in the first place. There were different, much more fun things to think about. "I got the heavy-duty stuff a while back. Like what they use on movie sets for actors."

Tex frowns, not commenting as he works the layers of makeup off your skin. Thinking that the placement is odd as he swipes at it with the cloth. He doesn't want to hurt you but there is a knot of dread that is starting to build as the ink starts to slowly become visible under the flesh colored makeup.

"You don't have to be timid about it." Turning half around, you reach for the cloth but see the utter dismay on his face. "Don't tell me you're against ink?" That would be...extremely inconvenient. But it's not like you have Eat Me written above your cunt or something. Although that would be fucking hilarious. "I know everybody at Statesman is into the clean-cut look, but I've had this for years."

Tex shakes his head, unable to explain why this tattoo has him floored. "I—I don't." He murmurs softly, standing up and stepping back from you. His heart aches and he hates that he's seen it. Wishing he didn't know who else sported this tattoo. "I—shit." He shakes his head and closes his eyes on a sigh.

"What's wrong?" He looks like he's seen a ghost, which makes you cringe a bit and suddenly wish you weren't both standing naked in such an intimate setting. "I—I don't...have a soulmate. If that's what you're worried about. I used to have a bunch more tattoos and a couple of weeks ago they...they just disappeared. And that only happens when...when your soulmate dies. So don't think you've got, ya know, competition or anything."

His jaw rocks when he realizes you don't know. You don't fucking know. Confusion mars your beautiful face and he knows that you are going to be hurt. Hell, he's hurt. Jack didn't fucking let him know and he knows that motherfucker was aware of his interest in you. It wasn't like they hadn't prowled around together enough to know when the other had taken a shinin' to a particular woman.

“I’m really gonna need you to say something.” He looks angry and it’s unsettling in the very worst way, making you tense up and cross your arms over your chest in a protective stance. “Like now, please.”

"I've - I've seen that tattoo." Tequila admits, hating how the weekend is now over. Of course it is. "Recently."

“What?” Standing still and perfectly stable, you nearly fall over from the way that seemingly simple news rocks through you and makes your heart skips beats on its way up into your throat. Second soulmates are supposed to be a fairy tale. “On who? When?”

"I—I can't tell you." Tex can't say anything, not without getting into the classified details and Champ's already riding his ass for being 'too lax' with classifications. "Not yet."

“Well that’s un-fucking-acceptable.” And definitely makes you think he could be lying or creating an excuse to get out of seeing you again when you get back to Kentucky. Which is both hurtful are extremely fucking disappointing. You had thought Tex was a better man than that. Of course - you had thought Jack was a better man, too. Maybe you’re just a shit judge of character. “Second soulmates are impossible. If you saw my tattoo on someone then maybe my soulmate didn’t die. They just…had plastic surgery or something?”

You're her. The woman that put marks on Jack's body. The same one that your soulmate was killed by Jack just a few weeks ago. No wonder Jack kept running from you, guilt written on his face. "I—I'm sorry, darlin'." Tex shakes his head and swallows harshly, aware that you are pissed. "It's…it's classified."

“What the fuck does that mean?” It’s too much to digest, after how much fun last night was and how much Jack disappearing into thin air hurt you earlier in the week, to think that Tex is just wriggling his way out of things after getting what he wanted.

He doesn't like the hurt on your face. Not at all. Reaching up, he cups your cheek and stares into your eyes. "I promise you that I'm not trying to hurt you." He chokes out, his heart clenching and he fucking hates that he ever suggested a goddamn shower. He could have been blissfully unaware of who's soulmate you are. "It— it'll make sense soon."

Instinct takes over, making you recoil and slap his hand away the second it touches your skin. The tears are hot and angry, pressing against the backs of your eyes like prickling needles when you shove him out of the way to get out of the shower - half-clean and half-mortified. “If you wanted a one-night thing I would’ve been fine with that,” you tell him flatly, even though it’s a fucking lie. You don’t look back as you pull open the door of the shower and step out, grabbing for the closest towel to cover up with. “You didn’t have to be fucking mean about it.”

"I'm...” Tex sighs and his head drops down between his shoulders. "That's not what happened." He whispers as you march out of the bathroom.

******

Brunch is excruciating, making excuses for his absence to your family because you hadn’t wanted to spoil the morning after your cousin’s wedding with being outwardly angry. Instead you simmer all morning with too many mimosas, and on the plane with your headphones jammed into your ears staring stock forward so he doesn’t dare try to talk to you on the way back to Kentucky.

No more cowboys. You lecture yourself sternly, hauling your weekender bag up onto your shoulder the second you deplane and speed walking away from the broad-and-tall frame of the cowboy who had driven you both to the airport. You’ll take an Uber, thank you very much. Now more cowboys and no more putting your heart on the line. Getting it bashed with a proverbial sledgehammer twice in one week is plenty enough to learn your lesson.

Tequila sighs, jogging up to you and grabbing your bag. While he understands you hate him, he can't let you go off on your own. Not when he knows who your soulmate is. It's a security risk and he wonders if that's why Jack sent him to the wedding with you. "Come on, you don't have to talk to me, but don't be dumb."

“Give it back.” Fury doesn’t usually last this long for you, but you’re seething with it to cover up how disappointed and hurt you are.

"No." Tex shakes his head, pulling it back out of your reach. "Get in the damn truck." He tells you. "I'm gunna get you back to Statesman unharmed. Then you can never talk to me again."

“Why do you even care?” Considering he’s taller, faster, and stronger than you, it’s not like you can overpower him and get your bag back, so you stare him down instead.

"Because I care about you." He insists. "You might not believe that, but I do."

“Bullshit.” Still, you pull open the door of his enormous pickup truck yourself because it will annoy him that you didn’t wait, and swing yourself up into the passenger seat. You’re mad enough to you’ve moved over to spiteful, but at least he hasn’t seen you cry. “Just take me home.”

"I will." Tex clenches his jaw as he climbs into the truck and his fist curls around the steering wheel hard enough to make the plastic groan. "Bet your ass I will."

Fucking dramatic ass cowboys. You sink down in the seat and squeeze your eyes shut, desperately wishing you were going home to New Hampshire to sit with your sister or out to New York City to hang out with your brother. Anything but the little house halfway in between the two men who have kicked you to the curb like last week's garbage.

As the truck barrels its way towards Statesman, the anger inside Tequila builds. Pissed at Jack for what he's done. The selfish son of a bitch caused you to hate him. He stews with every mile that the tires eat up, nearly red faced by the time that truck turns onto the road that leads towards Statesman housing.

As soon as he pulls into your driveway you jump out of the truck, grabbing your bag from the cargo bed and heading straight inside. The sooner you can get into a bath with an army of scented candles and a bottle of something much stronger than watered down mimosas or airline nips, the better. You can just wash away the horrific memories of this weekend and never speak of it again.

The moment the front door of your cabin slams, Tequila throws the truck in reverse, the tires squealing from how hard he stomps on the gas. Fury making him sling the truck around and gun it as he throws it into drive. Hearing the engine roar with a grim wince of satisfaction as the V-12 lurches forward.

******

The door to Jack's office slams open under his palm, a satisfying creak and groan of heavy wood mirroring the stomp of Tequila's boots. His vision is so tunneled by righteous anger that he doesn't see Champ lounging in the armchair off to the side of Jack's heavy desk - only focused on the man he came to confront. There's no hesitation in his step, singularly motivated by the boiling in his blood when he storms forward and swings, connecting with Jack's jaw with flawless precision. "You son of a bitch!"

Jack goes sprawling to the floor, shocked but he's quickly bouncing back. "What the fuck!" He shouts, picking himself up off the floor and glaring at his friend. "Have you lost your fucking mind?"

"Have you?" Tequila spits back, slamming his fist into Jack's desk next. The crash is satisfying in an entirely separate way. "How could you not tell me?!"

"Tell you what?" Jack demands, frowning and shaking his head to look over at Champ. "What the fuck didn't I tell you?"

"Her!" Tequila bellows, towering over Jack with a red face and hurt eyes as the older man gets back to his feet. "Did you think I wouldn't find out she's your fucking soulmate?"

Shit. The anger drains out of Jack's face and he stares at Tequila. "She's— it's a mistake." He chokes out. "I'm not – I can't be her soulmate." He insists, begging the younger man to believe him. "You know that."

"I saw her fucking tattoo, Jack." He doesn't even notice that Champ has jumped up to slam Jack's office door shut, containing the noise as well as the news. Tequila is too wrapped in his own fury to notice anything at all. "You knew and you didn't say a fucking word and now she's furious with me because you went and shoved your head in the goddamn dirt."

"You didn't have to fuck her!" Jack shouts back, anger surprising him although he had known what would happen if the other agent went with you. He had known that Tequila was attracted to you, but he had ignored it. "You coulda kept your dick in your pants for once in your goddamn life."

"I wouldn't have if you had said something!" The outrage on both ends is obvious, but Tequila feels it twisting in his guts like something ugly. "I'd have kept my damn mouth shut and kept her company and kept my fucking feelings to myself if you had just said something."

"Feelings?" Jack scoffs and shakes his head. "Since when is horny a fucking feeling?"

"Fuck you." Tequila bites out, but Champ grabs his arm before he can wind up for another good hit.

"Cut the shit, both of you." He orders, tone short and sharp and brokering no insubordination. "What the hell happened?"

Jack snaps his head around and blows out a breath, realizing that Champ is the room still. He had completely forgotten about the older man after Tequila busted into the room like a pissed off bull in a china shop. "I don't have a fucking clue." He spits, glaring at Tex and nods towards him. "Why don't you ask the hot head?"

"Agent Chicken Shit backed out of taking his soulmate to a wedding this weekend and asked me if I could take her instead." Tequila wrenches his arm out of Champ's firm grip, feeling like he's been caught breaking his brother's nose by his father all over again. "Knowing goddamn well that I—I'm in love with her." Saying it out loud makes him wish he could just storm back across the Statesman campus and explain everything to you. To beg you to believe and forgive him. But it's not his place. Not at all.

Jack snorts and rolls his eyes. "Wantin' to fuck ain't being 'in love'." Jack spits back, furious to hear those words out of his mouth and worse, he wonders if you feel the same way. It pisses him off and he wants to punch the righteous fucker in the nose for touching you.

"When have I ever punched you over wanting to fuck the same girl?" It's not as though they hadn't, after all, but Tequila still glowers at Jack across the desk.

"Can't recall you ever even using the word 'love' before," Champ comments, interested to see exactly how red in the face Jack is going to get.

His teeth are about to crack he's clenching his jaw so hard. Nearly growling at the way that Tequila flusters. Breathing heavily as the younger man turns towards Champ with a shrug of his shoulders. "Because I ain't felt it before." He admits, shaking his head. "But there's somethin' about her."

"She does seem to be a point of fascination." Champ's no fool. He hasn't missed Jack's attentions being centered on you, or Tequila's stolen glances. He hadn't missed the flirting - both intentional and not - and he had listened diligently to what Diana told him without over-divulging or betraying your confidence.

"She's a shiny new toy." Jack hisses, puffing up his chest and glaring at Tequila, ready to throw a few punches of his own considering what he's done. "He'll get tired of her, just like every other woman he's ever taken to bed."

"Look who's goddamn talking," Tequila hisses back. "Barely took you a week to get sick of her and without even the good manners to tell her you why."

"I was trying to PROTECT HER!" Jack roars, his own fist slamming down onto the table as he lashes out. Picking up the bottle of '87 and throwing it against the wall, shattering it and splashing whiskey over the walls.

"Alright, the both of you!" Champ doesn't raise his voice. He doesn't need to. The disapproval and the anger in it clear without needing more volume. "Tequila, you take your ass up to my office and you stay there until I come talk to you. I want both sides of this and it ain't gonna be clear with you shouting over each other like beasts."

Jack glowers, staring down Tequila as he marches out of his office and hisses as the door rattles on its hinges from the force of him slamming it shut behind him. "She didn't need to know." He defends roughly. "She doesn't need to know."

"What the hell happened?" Champ turns his eyes on Jack, knowing Tequila will do as he's been told and wondering what catalyst had pushed Jack to run the way he had. "You got embarrassed that Diana caught you in an amorous moment? That's nothin' to be ashamed of."

"She's NOT my soulmate!" Jack shouts, fury making spittle fly out of his mouth and his voice cracks in his desperation for someone to believe him. To convince himself.

"That's up to you." And Champ won't push him to admit otherwise. "But she's human. And she deserves a damn apology. Di said she was beside herself upset at you walkin' out, even if she hid it well. I can't imagine Tequila spurning her now is going to make her feel any better, although it ain't your fault the boy lost his nerve when he realized."

"He wants a soulmate." Jack mumbles, his shoulders rounding at the reminder that he had treated you abysmally. They had done a lot more than just been each other's wingman for picking up women over the years. There had been plenty of serious conversations between women and glasses of whiskey. "He's not going to be with someone else's if he knows them."

"So you thought letting him discover it on his own would...go smoother?" He's not even going to go into how jumpy Jack is being about his own attraction to you.

"How was I suppose' to know that the fucking idiot didn't know?" Jack huffs defensively. "I showed him the damn mark on my skin. It's not like the fucking things on her tit. I thought he saw it on her."

"Alright, alright." Champ shakes his head and groans, feeling like everybody's damn father and not for the first time. "I'll go deal with him, but you..." He could just order him to apologize. To walk over to your house right now and make things right. But he knows that won't actually help things, it will only make Jack dig his heels in harder. "Whether you're ready to tell her or not, she still deserves an apology."

"For what?" Jack spread his hands up helplessly before he props them on his hips. "For killin' her soulmate? For her being stuck with me? For kissin' her and running away? For keepin' it from her?" He asks, not sure which sin he has to ask forgiveness for.

"You gotta decide that yourself." He had just meant the bit about running off, but as long as Jack is willing to entertain the idea of actually telling you the truth, he's not going to discourage it.

"She deserves better, Champ." Jack murmurs quietly. "Better 'in me. Hell, better than the kid."

"That's not up to you to decide." Champ's voice is just as quiet, but far gentler. "It's up to her. And if she's rightfully pissed at the both of you after this week, then that's that. But at the very least, she should know that you didn't run off because of anything she did. Y'all are actin' in her best interest as far as you're concerned, but all she can see is two men makin' her feel good and then acting like she did wrong for following down the paths you set."

"Shit." Jack closes his eyes, pissed off at himself for being a fool and giving Tequila the opportunity to hurt your already bruised feelings. He should have just taken you.

"Clean up this mess," Champ points to the broken liquor bottle on the floor. "And then go clean up the one you made with her. I'll deal with Tequila."

Jack stares at him for a moment, nodding quietly before the older man turns around and leaves the office. Leaving Jack in the wake of the mess he had found himself in.

Champ heads down the hall with purpose, shaking his head at the ridiculous state his two agents have made of things. He knows he brought you here to be protected, but apparently he should have been protecting you from their dumb asses as well. Thankfully, Tequila is waiting in his office like he was ordered, leg bouncing with nerves but no damage done. "Alright," he huffs, shutting the door behind him. "Your turn."

"Now Champ..." Tequila springs to his feet, aware that he should have handled things better than he had, but he's mad. "Whiskey didn't tell me she was his soulmate. I wouldn't have gotten involved with her if he had of."

"Don't think I know that?" The boy's sense of propriety is usually aces, even if his common sense can lack. "That's not why you got put in time out, Tequila. I can't punish you for makin' a fool of yourself with a lady. Either of you. Even if you deserve it."

"Then why am I here?" There is an edge of defiance in his voice, residual anger from the entire ordeal.

"Because you attacked a senior agent without provocation." Champ tells him flatly. "And I can't be sure y'all won't piss each other off enough that it will happen again."

"He fucking deserved it, and you know it." Tequila argues, standing up and putting his hand on his hip.

"Not the point, son." He can't make a judgement call on this if he ever wants it to get resolved. "It's insubordination and you know it."

Tequila rolls his eyes and huffs before he begrudgingly acknowledges that what Champ is saying is true. "So what's my punishment?" He asks. "Week scrubbing the warehouse?"

"Manual labor ain't gonna prove a point to you." Champ knows that. The kid comes from honest labor and hard work. It rolls right off his shoulders. "You're gonna take an assignment for me. Give you time to cool off and separate yourself from our fascinating lady so you can cool the hell off."

Opening his mouth in protest immediately, he manages to catch himself before he says something. Closing his mouth and just standing there. He knows he deserves it, even if he doesn't say so.

“Kingsman proposed an agent swap about a month ago.” Moving around him, Champ motions to Tequila to sit before plopping down in the large wingback chair behind his desk. “Been debating who to send. Looks like you just gave me my answer.”

"What am I gonna do in London, Champ?" The Texan whines, giving his boss a horrified expression. "They don't know the first thing about ropin'."

“So you’ll teach ‘em.” The side drawer of Champ’s desk holds the folder of papers from Kingsman as they rebuild, and Champ flips it open to skim through the paperwork. “Change of scenery and company might do ya some good, Tequila.” He glances up with one eyebrow half-raised. “After an apology.”

"I'm not apologizing to that fucker." He doesn't care how long Champs sends him to 'Merry ol' London', he will never apologize to Whiskey for belting him like he deserved.

"Not to him." Champ nearly laughs, but he catches himself. He's meant to be angry. A disciplinarian. At least for right now. "To her. She didn't ask for any of this shit."

"I can't apologize without telling her why I backed away." He reasons with Champ. "If that asshole had just manned up, this wouldn't be an issue."

Seeing as he can't actually argue with that, Champ sits back in his chair and eyes Tequila for a second before he lets an approving nod escape. "At least tell her you're goin' and that it has nothin' to do with her. Don't let her hear it third hand and wonder what the hell she might have done to make both of you run." He's gonna have to pay a visit to you himself, he thinks, and make sure you get something nice for the restaurant or let you hire a second-in-command, or something. Anything. Just to make sure you don't resign and he loses the ability to protect you.

Tequila nods and shuffles his feet slightly. "I'll go over there now and explain." He mumbles. "But it might have to be through a door. She's really fuckin' mad at me because I wouldn't tell her where I'd seen her tattoo."

"Can't say I blame her." Hell, if he were a woman, he'd have given them both far more hell than you seem to. "Do what you gotta go tonight. You're on the jet no later than 0900 tomorrow morning."

"Yes sir." Tequila nods once and turns on his heel. He needs to apologize to you before he goes; and put these feelings that he has for you to bed. There can't be a future with you. Not when Jack wears your tattoo.

******

The bath was a good idea, and you bundle up in clean pajamas after crying your damn eyes out and throw on an extra sweatshirt for comfort. You toss a bowl of leftover chili into the microwave and hunt down the bag of tortilla chips to eat it with, figuring you’ll turn on a movie and try to forget that the rest of the world exists.

Tequila decides that it would better to walk over to your place rather than pull up in your driveway. Walking along the way until he is standing on your porch and sighing softly. Hesitating for a moment before he reaches out and knocks on your door. Anticipating that you won't even answer.

“Fucking hell…” Muttering under your breath all the way to the front door, you check the peak hole before opening it and end up groaning. “What do you want, Tex?” He’s the actual last person you want to see right now, but if he’s got an explanation you want to hear it.

“I—” Tex shifts on his heels and reaches up to rub the back of neck in embarrassment. “I owe you an apology.”

Yes. He certainly goddamn does. You pull open the door halfway and look up at him expectantly. “How about an explanation, while you’re at it.”

"That's where you're gonna be mad at me." He bites his lips and shrugs. "It's not— I can't tell you who but I can tell you that I've seen that mark on someone I know. And I—I didn't know when I went after you."

“Unless it’s one of your brothers or something, I can’t see what the big deal is.” Having decided, over the course of the last few hours, that he’s probably lying to try to get out of a relationship, you just shrug your shoulders. “Fine. It is what it is.”

"Believe me...I wish I could tell you." He sighs. "I— I came to apologize because I'm being punished." He grunts. "Being sent overseas on an assignment."

“What did you do to get punished for?” That intrigues you enough to step back, leaving the front door open for him to come inside. He’s rowdy, sure, but you can’t see him being brash enough to put his job in the line. He loves his job.

"I punched someone." Tequila grumbles quietly, his brow furrowing, and he won't admit that his hand is aching. Jack Daniels has a fucking jaw of steel. "In front of Champ."

“And he’s banishing you to another country for it?” First of all, it’s news to you that Statesman even operates in other countries. But who the hell could garner that kind of punishment for something that— It’s like the entire world stops spinning for a second, screeching to a halt as you stand in your foyer next to one frustrating cowboy realizing the entire conversation just turns back around to a second one who is even more frustrating. Your eyes snap up to Tex’s, wide and full of so much shock that it’s nearly embarrassing. Because the second you put the pieces together, it couldn’t have been clearer. “Jack…” His name is barely better than a murmur, but it’s firm. “It’s Jack. Isn’t it?”

Of course you would figure it out. Not only are you funny, beautiful, and talented in many, many ways; you are also smart. Probably a hell of a lot smarter than he is. Your eyes betray your feelings, the stunned anguish in them, and the hurt that you are feeling shining out at him. It makes him want to pull you into his arms and comfort you. But it isn't his place to do that, and he's already hurt himself by getting involved with you. It would just make it harder to let go of you. "I can't tell you who." He shakes his head and sighs. "Just please, please believe me. I never wanted to hurt you."

You never wanted to think he was lying, but now that you know who it is that’s wearing your mark, you can see why he backed off immediately. That’s his mentor. One of his closest friends. And while Jack running off might have been a shitty thing to do, that now makes a lot more sense, too. “Maybe when you come back, we can try hanging out again?” It’s a weird situation for anyone to be in, but you do enjoy his company. “Just as friends?”

Tequila swallows, knowing that it might be hard for him for a while but he nods, giving you a small smile. "I'd like that darlin'." He admits softly. "I-I wish it could be more, but I know you woulda gotten tired of my ass." He jokes, not wanting to make it awkward, but he does want you to know that he had been serious with his intentions. "I'm sorry for ruinin' the brunch."

“I told everybody you were too hungover,” you smirk, already knowing that that is the ultimate blow to his manhood as a Statesman employee. But you were plenty mad this morning and didn’t care.

"Shit." Tequila hisses, shaking his head as he absorbs that blow. "I deserve that, but damn, you pack a low blow."

“Not sorry.” And you won’t pretend to be, either. You meant it when you told him you don’t play games. “But…it does suck that you’ll be gone for a while. Try not to fuck up too much shit wherever you’re going, okay?”

"I'll be alright, darlin'." He boasts confidently. "They should be worried about me."

“I’ll be sure to call and warn them, then.” You laugh softly, shaking your head, and one hand unconsciously rests on your front door.

He's smart enough to take the hint, nodding politely at you and takes a step back. "Well, I'm gotta go pack and I'm sure you're wantin' your peace back, so...I'll see you, darlin'." He offers, tipping his hat to you at the edge of the stairs.

There’s no use telling him that you had fun before this morning. If he actually liked you it will just be cruel and if he didn’t it just makes you sound clingy, so you say good night and shut the door, sighing to yourself as you pace back to the kitchen. That bowl of chili is already getting cold after being heated up, and you’re going to need several drinks to digest the information you’ve just been handed.

Jack.

Jack is your soulmate. Your second soulmate, which is supposed to be impossible. Why? How? Who the fuck even has answers to something like that?

******

Jack moves slower than molasses as he starts to clean up the mess he had made with his temper. The mess he had made of your life was going to take a little time and finesse. He doesn't know what to say. The anger and jealousy swirling in his gut at learning that you had slept with Tequila had surprised him, but he can't fault you when he had practically thrust the boy into your arms. Taking an hour to make his office spotless again, Jack leaves the Statesman offices to start walking back to the cabins to talk to you.

After dinner you stack up the dishwasher and grab one of the key lime tartlets from the test batch you made on Friday, curling up under your blanket on the couch with the second half of your movie and a second glass of spiked lemonade. Relaxation won’t come no matter how hard you try, though, and as if encouraged by your own restlessness - the doorbell rings again.

“Coming.” You call out, grumbling to yourself as you get up, only to deflate when you open the door. “Jack…” You hadn’t expected this, honestly. You thought it was Tex again for some unknown reason or other. “H—hi.”

"Hey, sugar." It's a chicken shit move, to pretend like nothing happened, but the way his eyes light up when he sees you isn't something he can control. "How are you doing?"

“Um…well, honestly I’ve been better.” Shifting in your doorway, you step to the side to let him in and clear your throat before cautiously pointing to the bruise blooming on his jaw. “But I think you have it worse at the moment.”

Jack snorts and shakes his head. "Nah, barely felt this." He lies, his jaw aching and he swears that Tequila loosened a few teeth. He shoots you a grin that is less confident than it appears and scrubs his hands up and down his thighs. "Can I come in, talk?" He doesn't blame you if you say no, but he wants to at least try.

“That’s…probably a good idea.” While you doubt that Tex went back and told him that you might have figured things out, you want to hear it from Jack. Either confirmed or denied, whatever the truth is. This man owes you the truth and an apology and that is the very least of it.

Jack steps into the cabin and lets you close the door behind him. Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, he turns towards you to see where you want to do this. He's in your territory and is willing to follow your lead.

"Do you want a drink?" It's a compulsory thing, always feeling like you should at least offer a drink to someone who's going to stay more than five minutes.

"I don't think you want to give me a drink, sugar. But I appreciate it." He would actually love a stiff drink, but he's not going to impose on you more than he has to.

"If you came to apologize, you get a drink." The nervous way he shifts has you worried, but you smile despite your churning stomach. "If not? I guess...just say what you came to say? I don't know, Jack. This whole thing is very awkward and I'm trying to figure out how to make it less so."

"Then I guess you better pour us a double, sugar." Jack mumbles, not quite meeting your eyes. The eyes that have haunted him for the entire week that he's stayed away from you.

"Come on in." Nodding to the living room, you disappear back to the kitchen for a second to grab a glass and the open bottle from your counter. He idles by the armchair beside your couch so you put the bottle down on the coffee table after you've poured him a drink, and hand him the glass. Your own drink is sufficiently spiked, you hope, for whatever he has to say. At least Tex already accidentally dropped the biggest bomb that might come up in conversation.

"I— hell." Jack takes a nervous gulp of his whiskey and sighs. "I owe you a large apology, sugar." He starts out. "I've acted like a tee-total ass and I regret that. I've hurt you; I know I have and I never meant to."

"Well...thank you." It being the second time tonight that you've heard something like that, you have to admit that the hole in your heart made by Jack's cruelty was much larger. Maybe that's something you ought to be ashamed of, but it's just how you feel. "I feel like there's more, though?" Even if you didn't know there was, the way he shifts his eyes all around the room to everywhere but you would have been a giveaway.

Damn you’re intuitive. Or Tequila ran his big fucking mouth. Both of those could be true. He sighs and taps his fingers against his knee and contemplates what to tell you. "Yeah." He admits quietly. almost inaudible.

"Do you...maybe want to start with why you ghosted me after we kissed?" After grappling with that one for an entire week on your own, you'd like an actual answer. A real, honest, from him answer.

"You scare me." The words fall from his tongue easier than he imagined them. Tumbling out quickly and earnestly. Truthfully. He rocks his jaw and nods. "You scare me, sugar."

That makes you huff, shifting in place on the sofa nervously. "Can't quite see the logic in that," you admit, tapping your fingers on the glass in your hands and smearing the condensation in ugly patterns. "Since you kicked the asses of a half dozen bikers the day we met and I couldn't even do that in my wildest dreams."

"Not that kinda scared, sugar." Jack chuckles at your logic, unable to find the fault with it and is a little pleased with himself for that fight still. "I'm meanin' that it's— it's complicated." He settles for that. "I didn't mean to hurt you because of it though."

"Jack..." The sigh that escapes you is nearly a groan. Or at least something bordering frustrated. "I don't think it's a secret that I like you, okay? I wouldn't have kissed you back if I didn't. I just...even if this - whatever this was - ends here? I just need you to be honest with me. Whatever the truth is, whether it's hard or easy or complicated or simple. I just...I need you to show me that much respect."

"Okay." Jack agrees to that easily enough, nodding his head and waiting for you to continue.

"For the record." The shifting seems to be endless, and you close your eyes for a second against the nerves. "Tex didn't say anything. He kept his mouth shut and protected you. I put two and two together myself." Glancing up at him, you have to remind yourself to breathe. "Will you show me your arm? Please?"

Jack's mouth is suddenly drier than the Sahara desert. Closing his eyes for a moment before he nods and stands up. He will have to roll up his sleeves or take the damn thing off. He shrugs out of his jacket and unbuttons his sleeve. "You are smart, sugar. Don't doubt that."

"I never do." It might be the wrong time to be sassy, but the response is automatic. Your mouth is dry as dirt by the time Jack rolls up the sleeve of his plaid shirt, and it's only partially because watching a man roll up his sleeve is like having a woman put on a push up bra as far as sex appeal goes. The first glimpse of your own tattoo on his skin steals any breath you had left in your body, and you swear you're lightheaded at the actual sight of it. Your mark on someone else's body. It's enough to make you break right down and cry, but you have a feeling that wouldn't exactly help the situation.

The cat is out of the bag, and Jack shows you the marks that are on his skin briefly before he starts to roll his sleeve down again. "Now you know why you scare me." He is leaving a hell of a lot out, but it's a truth you might be able to swallow.

"It's supposed to be impossible." Even with evidence, you have to keep yourself from reaching out and touching his skin just to prove to yourself that it's not make up or Sharpie or something.

"It is impossible." Jack tells you, shaking his head at the entire situation and reaches for his drink.

"Obviously not." It definitely does explain some things. Like the way the two of you can't seem to stay away from each other even when he was obviously not wanting to be around you.

"It damn sure is when I killed your original soulmate." Jack snaps out without even thinking about how those words would land.

"You what?" The glass in your hand goes crashing to the floor, cracking and spilling bourbon and lemonade in every direction but you can't do anything but stare at him: wide eyed and terrified and more confused than you've ever felt in your life. "Wh-wha—you—?" The tears pricking at your eyes are a surprise, but only because you never considered that this would ever be a sentence you would hear in your life.

"Fuck." Jack hisses, realizing he's stuck his ass all the way in the fire and the only way he's going to get out is to tell you everything. "Sugar, I— Statesman— is an independence intelligence agency. I am an agent. The last op I was on, he - your soulmate - was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Innocent bystander." He tells you bitterly. "I killed a civilian by accident."

The blatancy of it nearly knocks you over, to the point where the tears spill over unfiltered. "Fuck off, Jack." You hear your own voice, full of anger for the second time today. "I asked you to be honest with me."

"I am being honest with you!" Jack growls, pissed off that you don't believe him. "How do you think I took on a half dozen men without a scratch? Do you need to have it confirmed?"

"Sure. Confirm it for me. Why the fuck not." You might as well be rolling your eyes at him, and maybe it's childish, but you're sick of being disappointed. Especially so many times in one week.

"Ginger." Jack speaks up, knowing that saying her name will activate his communication link in his watch. "Lock down my soulmate's cabin." He orders. "Code Orange."

There is a brief pause and Astrid's voice comes through the built-in speakers in your cabin. "Roger Jack, Code Orange." Immediately, the soft lights of the lamps switch off and bright emergency lights flicker on. The door lock flips and there is a mechanical whirling as solid metal shutters roll down over your windows and door. The bookcase that you have stuffed with cookbooks in the little breakfast nook pops open, showing an opening behind it that will lead to a safe room.

"What the fuck?" Jumping backward further into the sofa, you curl in on yourself as the lights beat down on you and the windows cover with steel. The bookcase in the corner makes you flinch again, and you look around like you're trying to figure out where the cameras are that are filming this prank. "W-was that...Astrid?"

"Astrid's codename at work is Ginger Ale." Jack tells you. "Just like my codename is Whiskey. Agent Whiskey. It's also the reason why I have no tattoos or scars on my body. No identifying marks."

"Because you're..." Searching for the word, you can't even find a real-world scenario in which you've ever said it before without referring to fiction or a game. "A—a spy?"

"I guess that's the easiest way to look at it." Jack nods.

"What's...that?" The door behind your bookcase is a special kind of scary. That shit only happens in movies or when it's a bomb shelter.

"It's a safe room." Jack provides. "A place where you can go in the case of an emergency. So you are safe from harm. Nothing short of a nuke would get you in there."

Stock still with equal parts shock and the need to process all the information you've been given in the last three minutes, you gulp inelegantly and wipe one hand down your face. "So..." It's a whole lot all at once and you stare forward when you open your eyes again. "You...after..." Deep breath. "How?" You ask finally, not really knowing how to ask about someone's murder.

"Your real soulmate was a chef." Jack tells you quietly. "He was on the loading dock of the Whitney smoking a cigarette." He knows you will recognize the hotel as the one you had just left. Another reason why he couldn't go to that damn wedding reception since he had just had a shootout there. "I saw a gun and I just...reacted." He admits quietly, staring down at his hands because he can't look up and face the blame he knows he will see in your eyes. "There were two men on that dock, one innocent and one trying to kill me. And I took them both out."

"So you just...got it? Just like that?" It doesn't make sense, but it's not like anyone really knows how soulmates get chosen in the first place. "Y-you shot him and got me as a prize?"

"I'm guessin'." That part has him stumped so he just gives a small shrug. "Lucky you."

"Shit..." Neither one of you can look at each other, but the flood lights and steel shutters are sure to attract attention, and you clear your throat softly. "Can you...um...make it go back to normal?"

"Oh shit, uh yeah." Jack shakes his head and speaks again. "Ginger, Code Green. Repeat, Code Green. All clear." He knows that she knows that there wasn't an emergency, but it was still protocol to use the codes.

"Thanks." The weight of reality feels exhaustively heavy on your shoulders, but you press your thumbs into your eyes and sigh. "So..." It's getting to be too much to process but the conversation just isn't anywhere near over. "So, what does this mean?"

“I don’t understand.” Jack admits, not sure if he’s getting what you are asking. “What does what mean?”

"Well, we're—we're soulmates." Whether either of you likes it, or the circumstances, is beyond the point. It is what it is and all you can do is deal with it.

“You don’t want to be my soulmate, sugar.” Jack promises you. “My soulmate has been dead and gone for a long time.” The guilt of her death weighs heavily on him.

"I'm not trying to replace her." The thought actually appalls you, knowing that plenty of other people might try to do just that. "She was your wife, I just—" When you finally muster enough courage to look at him, he won't meet your eyes. It's all at once that any hope you might have had shatters, and you remind yourself that he killed the man you were supposed to love with all your heart. "I just want to know if you're gonna keep ignoring my existence or not."

“You’re here, aren’t you, sugar?” Jack answers glibly. “If I was going to ignore your existence that wouldn’t be the case.” He doesn’t mention that Champ was the one who found you and brought you here. “You’ll be safe.”

"Safe isn't the same as—" You shake your head before that word can come out of your mouth. "Okay. I'm safe. And you won't ignore me. Fine." The wave of bitter disappointment that rips through you is angry and you hate it, but it's overwhelming. "So why exactly did you scare Tex off if your top thought is safe?"

“I didn’t scare Tex off.” He is immediately pissy at the idea that you would want that boy. “He came in yelling about marks and punching me in the jaw when I damn sure showed him the new fucking marks on my body.”

"Yeah, you showed him, but you didn't tell him who I am." That might be what stings the most. That he didn't acknowledge you in any way whatsoever until he was forced to. "He nearly had a panic attack in the shower this morning and I got to cry my eyes out for the second time this week."

The pain of knowing he made you cry is like a swift, sharp knife to the chest. “What was I supposed to tell ‘im?” Jack demands. “The girl who will hate my guts when she learns the truth is my soulmate? Or better yet, the universe decided that despite me being unable to protect my real soulmate it’s given me the soulmate of the man I killed as a laugh.”

"Right, but I'm safe here?" Just because you have no idea what he's talking about doesn't mean you're not still upset, and you can fire back just as nastily as he can. It makes you feel like you're being torn apart at the edges, so why not just lash out? Surely that will help.

"Yeah, you are." Jack huffs, not sure exactly what you expect from him. "You've got a job you said you always dreamed of, a house to call your own, and all the security that Statesman can provide you." He holds his arms up and then drops them down onto his hips and stares at you. "What else do you want?"

“Someone to spend my life with.” It’s what you’ve always wanted. More than anything. And getting every other dream in the world without someone to love who loves you with equal ferocity just feels like a slap in the face. You have a career and security, but not love. And that makes the other two things just seem lonely.

"I like you, sugar." Jack admits quietly. "I really do. But that ain't me." He doesn't say anything more than that, knowing it's not necessary. His life ended the day it began ironically enough, he's just been a dead man walking ever since.

“I’m starting to get that.” He’s clear and honest about it, you have to at least give him that. But it still feels like he picked up that broken glass from the rug and sliced your chest straight open to get at your heart. Like the universe replaced your real soulmate with a security guard, not a partner. And you still don’t even know why the fuck you need a security guard.

“I’m sorry.” Jack tells you, hating the way the light has just vanished from your eyes and he wants to rush across the room and pull you into his arms. But he doesn’t move. “I wish it could be different, but…” he shakes his head again and stares at his belt buckle. “We don’t always get what we want.”

“Clearly.” The word is choked and bitter, you know it is, because what you want is sitting right in front of you telling you that you can’t have him. This could be easy. Or at least less complicated. It could be so many things that aren’t this. Instead, Jack is sitting there telling you that you’ll never have the most basic and cherished thing in the world. Love. “I’ll just…try not to get in your way, I guess.”

“I’d like us to be friends, sugar.” Jack shuffles slightly and manages to look up at you. “But I understand if you can’t.” You don’t answer him and the ache in his chest gets heavier, prompting him to move towards the door. “I’ll let you be. I’m really sorry.” He whispers. “For everything.”

“I’m sure I’ll see you around.” It’s a dismissal. Maybe even a cruel one. But right now you’re feeling so defeated that you don’t even care. You just want to be alone - a state you’re apparently going to have to get used to.

Out on the porch, Jack wonders why you taking his refusal so easily stings. Wondering if he wanted you to fight, even though it would do nothing but hurt you. He knocks on the front porch pillar as he starts down the stairs slowly to walk to his own house. “See you around, sugar.”

The floodgates open as soon as the door shuts behind him, giving you the freedom and the privacy to weep as openly and as long as you need. As horrifying and complicated as everything is turning out to be, you would have been so glad to love Jack. To get to know him and grow with him and find out what smooths those sharp edges. You would have loved to love him. To have that privilege would have been extraordinary.

But you’ve been dumped before you ever knew what you had. So who knows what will happen next?

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My Masterlist!

[lemotmo]

You know I’ve tried so hard to stay neutral on the whole Lou/Tommy of it all. But he did another cameo, which he apparently upped the prices the 145 a video?? But he did another one and he dismissed all of Tommy’s past behavior as being corny and teasing which…does not sit right with me. Like racism, misogyny, toxicity, silent compliance of it all….is not just being corny and teasing. And then he ends the video by talking about Tommy came in at the last minute to save the day and save Bobby and Athena so everyone should be good with him now….. like now we’re taking credit for Hens stuff too?

Idk none of that sat well with me at all and if he is sticking around for any of season 8 I think I need the show to just be like no more cameos from you or something.

Hi Nonny, hope the rest of your day was great. Don't allow things like this to get to you too much. If you feel you need a break from social media, make sure to take it. There is already enough stress in real life, don't let it seep into your fandom life as well. Take care of yourself first. You deserve only the best.

Now on to your ask:

I haven’t seen the cameo you are talking about. I have no desire to see that cameo either. I’ve watched one of Lou’s cameos, way back in the beginning when he started doing them. I found it funny, if a little weird that someone would pay for that, but to each their own.

I’ve been hearing about these cameos more and more lately. And yes, they have started to bother me. Mostly because it seems that Lou is charging these people up to 125 dollar (I’ve even read 145 dollars) to talk about the things ‘he’ thinks or believes to be true about Tommy or Buck/Tommy. Basically he’s talking about his own headcanons as an actor. Which again, is fine, because if it helps him to act better, why not?

The problem lies in the fact that some people have started taking Lou’s headcanons for reality. They hear what he says and see it as ‘canon’ because (right now) Buck/Tommy is a canon couple. While it is true that Buck/Tommy is canon, Lou’s headcanons are just that, little fanfictions he made up in his head. It’s a dangerous road to go down, because where does it end? When Buck/Tommy eventually break up, a lot of people will feel misled by him. It won’t be pretty.

So therefore, I’ve decided to never watch any of his cameos. I’m not really interested in his fantasies for the guest character he plays on my favourite show. I’d much rather be focusing on what 911 is actually showing us on our screens. I focus on the nuances and little details that they want us to pick up on.

Sometimes there are small things that seem inconsequential, but turn out to be very important episodes later. Everything matters on television. There are no coincidences. The writers craft the story, every single thing is planned out for the scene, the actors act it out and we watch on in complete fascination. There is no room for a guest actor’s headcanons or fantasies in a prime time show like this.

That being said though, if he truly dismissed Chimney and Hen’s plight under Captain Gerrard as mere ‘teasing’, that is factually wrong. If you go back to watch the scenes in question, there is bigotry, blatant racism and sexism. It makes me wonder if he even remembers the scenes in question. Did he rewatch them before he came back for season 7? We’ll never know.

But it does highlight, once again, that it isn’t smart to give this guy a platform to talk about his personal headcanons. He was always bound to say something dumb that would piss people off at some point. And here we are today, pissed off and annoyed.

I also want to remind everyone that it wasn’t Tommy who is the real ‘hero’ in the story of saving Bathena on the cruise ship. It was Hen Wilson, who had a bad feeling in her gut and decided to follow that feeling. She got the ball rolling, then Chimney jumped to her aide, because he always will. Buck and Eddie decided to join in, without hesitation, because again—they always will. Tommy was merely the helicopter pilot who flew them all in.

By that definition they are all the heroes in this narrative, which is why they all get medals next episode. But it is only Hen who was smart enough to follow her gut. If all the others are ‘heroes’? Hen Wilson is the only ‘big damn hero’.

I do believe Tommy might be sticking around for the beginning of season 8, because I’m not sure there will be enough time to deal with a proper break up in two episodes. Unless Tim surprises me and actually does manage to pull it off.

But yes, someone should just tell him to stop doing those cameos if his character is to carry over to season 8. It’s starting to get a little worrisome at this point. Charging people to talk about your own fantasies for your character, feels a little exploitative.

Whatever happens with him in season 8, ultimately I’m not really worried about Tommy to be honest. Lou’s stint on 911 is coming to an end pretty soon, one way or the other.

Consider this topic closed for me now. I’ve said all I wanted and needed to say. I don’t feel like wasting any more of my time thinking about or writing about this man and his cameos. I’d rather spend my precious fandom time on the things that matter: the amazing people I’ve met, watching the show and crying copious amounts of tears over these characters I’ve come to love so much, theorising and speculating about what might happen in the next episodes and next season, and above all talking about Buddie—my favourite pastime. 😊

[darkcircles4lyfe]

labor of love

Thinking back on the books and shows that have captivated me most over the years, I’ve noticed that a significant part of my enjoyment comes through glimpses of the creator themselves. The human, fallible, subjective, personal, and unique perspective that bleeds through. I'm forever trying to see things from the other way around instead of as the audience. As I become more familiar with a person’s work, I almost imagine myself as the close friend who can see bits and pieces of their loved one in everything the write. 

When I deal with fandoms or read and listen to media criticism, I inevitably get slapped in the face by the absence of this habit in other people. Maybe it’s because of concepts like “entertainment” and “consumption” making art into a product we spend our money on, and therefore we feel it owes us something. Maybe it’s the trend of pretending arbitrary differences in taste are actually somehow a basis for objective criticism. Regardless, even though I see plenty of reminders all over fandom spaces encouraging people to just enjoy things without worrying about whether they have some sort of intellectual merit, I don't see much acknowledgement of the creator’s point of view here. 

So let’s talk about creative work as what it is: somebody’s dream, which brewed in the dark and solitary chambers of their mind, real but invisible to the outside world. By some miracle of good fortune and incredibly hard work, that dream is made accessible to us, the audience. It’s difficult to express how surreal that really is. Not all media is like this, of course. But sometimes you can see when a story is made with love, that the creator is so in awe of this miracle that they bring all of themselves into it. When that happens, I too fall in love, and preference no longer seems to matter. It’s not, “I enjoy this thing because it’s so ME,” it’s more, “I enjoy it because it’s so THEM.”  

I worry sometimes that I have rose-tinted glasses on, but here’s the thing. We seem to over-associate criticism with logic, and praise with delusion, when in reality they are both limited. What I’m talking about here is neither. Sorry if this sounds cheesy, but I think “to love,” means “to know.” It’s where flaws and strengths blend together into a whole that is understood as it is cherished. 

All these various observations have been tumbling around in my head more and more since I’ve gotten into this funny little thing called Boku no Hero Academia. It’s so popular, so polarizing, it draws in such a wide range of opinions from so many different kinds of people. I find it fascinating to watch, but, like I just said, it also tends to slap me in the face. Not out of personal offense, mind you. More than anything I’m stunned by how disconnected a lot of people are from this human element, whether they are being negative or positive. Even if they know enough to invoke the name of Horikoshi, they treat him like more of a figure than a real person. 

It’s true none of us can actually truly know him. However, I think that while the author/audience relationship is a somewhat parasocial one, it’s worth acknowledging the mutuality of it as well. Let me take you all on a little journey to bring “the creator” down to Earth. 

First, a few plain facts: Before bnha, Horikoshi was able to get two other manga into serialization: Oumagadoki Zoo and Barrage. The former lasted 37 chapters from 2010 to 2011. Barrage lasted 16 chapters, in 2012. Juxtapose this with Boku no Hero Academia, which as of writing this, has been running for over 370 chapters spanning 8+ years since 2014. Horikoshi is currently 36 years old (born in 1986). 

Now let’s go back even further. His first one-shot was published in 2007, when he was 21. It’s called Tenko, and you can read it in English here. Most obviously, we can see that this Tenko character was later adapted to the Tenko we know in bnha, with a similar power, backstory, and appearance. But I actually think there are a few other ways we can draw comparisons from this genesis of Horikoshi’s career, all the way to the present. 

Here is the intro that prefaces the 2007 one-shot:

^I get chills looking at this, and it makes me grin, no joke. Please take a moment to read all the little tidbits. It sounds like the intentionally foreshadowing first scene of a famous person’s biopic, but no one had a clue back then. I just find that so hilarious and moving at the same time.

So think of the Tenko one-shot as a window into who Horikoshi was as an artist and a storyteller pre- pro industry, with the assumption that certain aspects of his work are probably simultaneously a bit more upfront but also underdeveloped. You know, like a kid. There’s both honesty and naivety there. I can also think back to being around 21 myself (only a few years ago lol), about the stories I was writing in school, the workshop classes I was in with other people my age, what they were writing, the things that were important to us that we discussed informing our work. It’s a formative time, right?

One of the primary things I notice about the Tenko one-shot is that it centers themes of power, heroism, and trauma, and has a resolution which involves bridging misunderstandings. 

It’s all very ideological, but also full of raw emotion. I read somewhere (sorry can’t remember where) Horikoshi saying that in formulating his idea for the ending of bnha, he has kept asking himself, what does it truly mean to be a hero? It seems he started asking that question way back in 2007, through this little story about swords and their wielders. The Tenko one-shot acknowledges that people and power are morally complicated, as is the idolization of heroes. The ending is hopeful, and looks ahead to times changing for the better by the will of progressively-minded and determined people. 

This reminds me of the current arc of the bnha manga, and how the whole story might eventually end. Horikoshi has shown us that the villains are worthy of sympathy, that they are a product of society’s willful ignorance, that “heroes” have also done abhorrent things. But he has also embraced the pure optimism of youth. He seems eager to ask the big questions about right and wrong, and present us with both ambiguity AND certainty. The final fights are not at all a contest of strength, and there are no winners and losers. I’m very curious to see how far he takes this. I’m sure it will ruffle some feathers, and leave some people unsatisfied, but that’s probably a good thing.

The other major thing I notice in the one-shot is the character Hana. Now, as she shares her name with one of the main characters in Oumagadoki Zoo, and they are also similar in personality, that could be where the comparison ends. However, that’s nothing to say Horikoshi didn’t continue her themes elsewhere. The Hana in the Tenko one-shot is primarily preoccupied with her goal of becoming a warrior, and she was inspired some time ago by a warrior who saved her. This other warrior, conicidentally, turns out to be a brutal, a-moral, self-proclaimed demon, and he actually doesn’t take Hana seriously. In some ways, this reminds me of Hawks with his own idols, Endeavor and Lady Nagant, and more generally the idea in bnha that someone you look up to might not be all you imagine them to be. Like All Might and his hidden suffering. Or like Ochako looking up to Izuku up until his solo arc, after which she proclaimed, “special powers are one thing, but there’s no such thing as a special person.” 

Speaking of Ochako. Hana’s primary source of angst in the story is that since she is a woman, her “masculine” ambition is laughed at and dismissed. Her dialogue with other characters is very direct about this, which I find pretty interesting. 

You can really feel her frustration and see the blatant misogyny in how she’s treated. Even though things are stated kinda bluntly, it feels genuine, ya know? Note that she also wears men’s clothes, and nothing about her appearance is catered to the “male gaze.” I mention all this because to me it contextualizes Horikoshi’s more recent female characters. We can infer that he carried this perspective on, but in subtler and more nuanced ways that might not be immediately noticed. They may sometimes look like shonen stereotypes and be influenced by a misogynistic world, but this is likely an act of parody and/or criticism on Horikoshi’s part. For example Ochako’s fight in the sports festival illustrates a similar point to Hana’s struggle as Katsuki is the only one who takes Ochako seriously while other male classmates see her and other female opponents as inherently weak or potential love interests. 

Hana remains ambitious, fostering her own motivation beyond her previous idol, and her ultimate goal is to help people. She reminds me so much of Ochako’s recent convictions. Ochako is fully herself now, and I’m confident her fight with Toga will show this even more, in a way that is much more direct. Since ch 374, I anticipate we may be getting confirmation of things pretty soon, so I wanted to restate that ASAP. 

I’ve said this before, but it really does trouble me how a lot of people assume so much about bnha based on other shonen, disregarding the fact that Horikoshi is his own person. This either leads to undo criticisms or expectations that will likely not be delivered on. It makes me sad because I want people to enjoy this story for what it is. I hope this is a reminder that although it may seem on the surface like Horikoshi is rehashing the same old thing, his work really is a labor of love, of knowing. It is an homage, which both celebrates and deconstructs. Please remember that for the day when folks will be scrambling trying to figure out how we got here. Ironically, the signs were there all along, from the start of Horikoshi’s career, if you only care to look. 

[komajordan]

Media I’ve Experienced in 2024 (February) SPOILERS

Same as last time, in order of when completed on a scale of 1-10

Clone High (2023) Season 2 (8/10)-Like a lot of people I wasn’t really on board with Clone High’s revival. If you want to know my thoughts it’s honestly a 6, it has some good jokes but it’s weighed down by more forced and obvious comedy. Season 2 however really surprised me, there were a ton of jokes I found funny, brought in some fanservice like Skunky Poo coming back and Cloney Island being fully realized, and a ton of the character chemistry works.

Bumblebee (10/10)-I never thought a solo Bumblebee movie with humans would work but it turned out to be pretty heartwarming and emotional. Charlie and Bee’s relationship felt real along with some fun action scenes.

Clone High (2002) (9/10)-I tried to watch the original Clone High back in 2022 but my memory got clouded by a lot of personal stuff at the time. So checking the original out felt like a reminder of what the show used to be. The bait-and-switch comedy is top notch, Gandhi’s prescience will always be welcome, and by God the emotional soundtrack makes a ton of scenes even funnier.

Hello Kitty:Roller Rescue (5/10)-Pretty basic beat-em-up, cute soundtrack and visuals, nothing too special. I’m probably just spoiled from playing Island Adventure.

The LEGO Movie (Rewatch) (10/10)-I watched this movie on the exact day of its 10 Year Anniversary and by God, this movie is as funny as I remember it. And after I just watched Phil Lord and Christopher Miller’s other work in Clone High I can definitely tell I was spoiled from their comedy from age 8 too. The animation still looks great and I can basically recite the script from how many times I watched it in the past. While yes I’m biased, it’s a very sentimental type of bias that I can never let go.

The Lost Boys (7/10)-The Lost Boys is an old but fun movie. It captures the feeling of adolescent summer fun on the boardwalk along with the relatively small sense of horror of the vampire cult.

Us (9/10)-Back on Halloween last year I watched Get Out and I thought it was good as a psychological thriller but not really scary to me. Us on the other hand was a step-up in my opinion. The doppelgänger plot is really cool and the way the tethered family goes around terrorizing everyone felt thrilling. And man the twist, I’m not gonna spoil it but that twist felt like a complete game changer.

The Marvels (2/10)-This movie is not good but not the worst MCU movie ever. Personally I liked the interactions between Kamala, Monica, and Carol even though I’ve grown to dislike Carol overtime. But otherwise the villain is forgettable, a lot of the fight scenes are complete white-noise, and a lot of scenes are completely cringy and predictable.

Epic Career Quest (7/10)-Waking up after a Super Bowl aftermath was weird for me. I don’t know the general opinion is on this series but I found it entertaining. The characters being mismatched kind of works for me as someone who likes these types of ensembles like Drawn Together. And as a growing adult their messages about imposter syndrome and making your goals really stuck with me.

Terrifier (6/10)-I don’t know if this is a personal thing after seeing so much Invincible and Mortal Kombat but the violence here literally had no effect on me. Sure, this movie is scary but the plot kind of drags for me personally.

Terrifier 2 (8/10)-This movie is a step up in terms of scares and production value. Not to mention there’s more of a plot when the first was just a simple murder plot here it’s an extensive plot about people’s perception of Art The Clown and who he is. Where this movie falls flat for me is the sword thing, I personally thought that was an asspull and kind of out of place in a serial killer movie that a fantastical item just doesn’t fit.

Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur Season 2 (8/10)-Moon Girl Season 1 was a fun show that does a lot of cool superhero stuff while also doing enough to stray away from Marvel to make it its own. What do I think of Season 2? It’s on the same level. Nothing really noteworthy, they still do fun things, visuals are nice, and some of the plots are interesting.

Megaman X4 (9/10)-Probably my favorite Megaman X game given what I think about future games. The gameplay is fast paced and fun, the bosses are challenging but fun too, and the transition from SNES to PS1 translated greatly. And the cutscenes exist, if you know you know.

Jujutsu Kaisen (9/10)-Yeah I decided to ride the JJK train and unlike Naruto I do understand the hype. The animation is fluent especially with the domain expansion and curse enemies. I loved characters like Gojo, Maki and Nobara from their entertaining personalities. And Where Our Blue Is will always be one of my favorite songs in anime.

Freddy Vs. Jason (7/10)-The human parts suck especially if they get in the way of crossovers. But Freddy and Jason when they show up together they make the most out of them fighting each other and killing others. Not to mention the setup that has Freddy provoking Jason to getting into Elm Street works really well.

Venom:Let There Be Carnage (3/10)-If I described this movie in one word it would be annoying. Venom is a very obnoxious character who constantly screams and complains about everything. The cliche drama between Eddie and the rest of world is insufferable. The only remotely good part of the movie is the effects on Carnage as it was done pretty well. But other than that I have no desire to watch this one again.

Re:Cutie Honey (8/10)-Kill La Kill mixed with Ghost in the Shell. I honestly thought this was animated by Trigger. But in all honesty I love the fast paced action and character moments.

Resident Evil Revelations (4/10)-Boring. The ship location gets old and I wasn’t scared even once. I honestly like RE6 more than this considering that game has a lot of variety and fun gameplay. This game is so slow and unfulfilling.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica (9/10)-I love how subversive this anime is. Flipping magical girl tropes to be grim dark was a unique twist and made the characters more real than the traditional magical girl stereotype.

[palaceofimperium]

8

TW - PTSD, Anxiety Attack

Watching Lucifer almost glide across the room in what could best be described as a walking seduction, Anna sat a bit nervously wondering exactly who Brie would have chosen for her and why she was last.  So far everyone was paired very perfectly with someone, or more than one person, who could help them fit in here in this new realm that they were all in.  She had been a sort of a cop on Earth, keeping the paranormal and supernatural beings in line with the rules that had been agreed upon and established over the centuries to keep the humans from discovering and hunting those who were “other”.  It hardly seemed like something that there would be a need for here in Imperium, or at least not that she’d be qualified for, or powerful enough at least.  

“And now, I think I’ve saved the best, or at least the most intriguing for last.  One that I believe will come as the biggest surprise to everyone, because even the others gathered don’t know who I picked for you Anna.”  Anna fidgeted in her seat as Abriella made this announcement.  Before she’d been looking rather comfortable while still nervous, but now the blonde looked anything but.  Abriella was certain that this choice was perfect for her, however.  “You have a very rare personality and have been through what I would call the most unique of circumstances to come through and dominate.  The accomplishments in your life are spectacular and cannot be diminished by anyone.  When I thought of who to have show you around Imperium and maybe a different way to use your gifts, my choice was instantaneous; but I then doubted myself.  When my brother and my sane grandfather agreed with me, then Jean Pierre and Armaund met him and loved him, well that just reinforced my choice.”  Abriella was smiling, but now her guard, friends, and even Lucifer were looking at each other wondering who it was she had chosen.  Would it be Div himself?  Cruz, who was almost chuckling?  There was only one other Horseman.  Mithos?  Arioch and Raguel seemed a bit of a stretch, but given she was an enforcer of the supernatural laws in New Orleans for generations, it might fit.   Each was wondering who that was left not in the room Abriella would have chosen. They could justify almost every one, including both Olly and Deacon’s fathers who often visited.  While none had seen them that morning, but since this was a “surprise”, it could still be them.

“While I know you needed to get away from Earth and get a fresh start, I also know you loved what you did and were very good at it because of your understanding of the base nature of beings.  I know you will never be a wilting violet, satisfied to sit back and enjoy a more docile life.  Your sarcasm and your backbone are the things I adore about you.  And that is why, my dear and old friend, I have to introduce you to a man I love with all my heart.”  Again there was a pause as almost every male eye, and more than one female, was cast down at Cruz who was smirking and chuckling.  “My father, Adriel.”  Leandre and Talon both choked on their coffee, and Deacon just stared, his hand frozen as he had prepared to pour more coffee for Yael.  Dez and Thinnius looked at each other like they were wondering if she had lost her head.  Lucifer laughed and clapped, while he didn’t know Anna, if Abriella paired anyone up with the damn cranky angel, she had to be a spitfire and he looked forward to getting to know her.

At the men’s reactions to Abriella’s introduction, Anna looked confused and leaned forward to look down the table.  What was she getting herself into?  Suddenly she wasn’t so sure.  When she looked to the door where the others had come, the male that walked through wasn’t what she expected.  The way he carried himself reminded her instantly of Jean Pierre.  There was an elegance and refinement to him that was almost familiar.  A cockiness that bled through every fibre of him yet, he was totally relaxed in himself.  Without him speaking a word, she could see why Brie picked him.  The fact he was VERY nice to look at didn’t hurt anything at all.  

As soon as the powerful Angel stepped out, Yael felt like she’d been hit in the chest.  All logic and reason left her brain and a blind panic filled her.  The angelic power that was rolling off Adriel was stronger than even Gabriel had possessed and it utterly terrified her.  If Gabriel had been able to inflict the torture and punishments on her with his lesser powers, what more could this pure and holy angel do?  How much more would he demand recompense for her failings of the past?  Memories of pain and all that had happened flooded her brain and she did not see Adriel before her but Gabriel, imbued with even more power than he had ever held before.  

Before Deacon or Leandre could react, Yael had pushed back from the table so hard and fast that her chair toppled over and slammed to the ground with a thud that resounded off the walls and caught everyone’s attention.  In a blind panic she headed for the door that they’d all come through when Abriella led the women, almost stumbling over her own feet in the process.  Her vision was blurred by tears and she was hyperventilating, the only thing she could hear was the pounding of her own pulse in her ears.  Away, she just had to get away.  Safe, she had to find somewhere safe.  Hide, she just had to hide.  This had been a trap, she’d been led here for more punishment.  Why had she agreed to this?  What had she done to deserve this? Why?  Why…why…hide…safe…why…run…run…run…

Both Leandre and Deacon had been caught off guard by Yael’s response, and from the look on Abriella’s face when Leandre’s met hers for a split second, she had not anticipated it either.  What about her father had caused it would have to be later determined, but Lee had to contain it before Yael hurt herself.  It was clear she was far from in her right mind. He was the next on his feet and caught her before she’d made it past the middle of the table.  Banding his arms around her, he stopped her forward momentum and brought her flush against him.  Then he traced them from the room and to his own chambers in the new wing of the palace.  It was the first place he thought of and in the muted hughes and quiet there, he hoped it would calm her.

The response of the males to his announcement and entrance Adriel had anticipated.  The reaction of the small female nephilim, that he had not anticipated.  It had brought him to a stop and he looked to his daughter on how to proceed once Leandre had taken her elsewhere to calm her and Deacon had righted her chair.  “I did not mean to upset your friend, sweetheart.”  It was clear from his tone that he was now unsure, something that those who knew him knew was very rare and uncharacteristic of him.  But they also knew the delicate situation with Yael, so would understand his trepidation now that he had somehow upset her.

Abriella’s good mood was fading as she looked and saw confusion and upset on the faces of everyone now.  “Maybe I should have had Div in here before you in order to calm her more.” She gave her father a soft smile.  “She has not been around any Holy angel since…”  she shrugged and her father nodded.  Looks of understanding started to dawn on those who had been confused.  Dez and Thinnius both took Phaedra’s hands.  She looked crestfallen.  Brie knew that she had hoped Yael would find peace here and it had not lasted even an hour.  “Leandre will understand better than any that reaction and be a comfort to her.  I’m sure they will return when she feels better.”  She turned to the rest of the table.  “And I know we’ll all help her feel better.”  There were nods from all the men, and Brie knew the women all would because they were all here to heal. It had not occurred to him either that Yael would fear an angel, simply because of Gabriel.  As well as helping the beautiful Anna he was assigned to, he would assist the sweet Yael in overcoming what had happened to her under the nose of Michael.  The poor child had been hurt enough, it was time for her to find happiness the way his daughter was finally as well.  “She will see in time that not all are as she was treated previously.  I will make it my mission to assist in that as well.”  He inclined his head to Brie before continuing over to Anna.

“Dear one, I do apologize for the upset that my arrival has brought.  I promise in the future, that things shall go much smoother and I shall endeavor to assuage any fears that your friend may have of my intentions.  I know she has been through much.”  He took Anna’s hand and brought it to his lips, his dark chocolate eyes never leaving those crystalline blue ones of hers.  They were bluer than the sky on a clear summer’s day and he hoped to keep them from ever clouding over.  

Once Adriel had taken his seat and everyone seemed to calm some, Brie had the rest of her Guard, Olly, Arioch, Raguel (who was glad it had not been he who caused the upset), Andronicus, Orpheus, and Div join them in the dining room.  Before he sat, she took her grandfather off to the side to discuss the frailty of Yael’s psyche. There was a growing fear in her mind that it had been a grave mistake to bring her to Imperium where there were frequently angels as much as demons. Div tried to reassure her that sheltering her would do her no favors and that she was in the best hands possible with Leandre and Deacon. Abriella kept thinking back to her own time when she had first arrived at Sanctuary in Chicago and she too had run scared.  It had been the love and stubbornness of her brother that had brought her home finally.  He hadn’t given up on her when she ran, hid, and cowered at shadows and thunder.   What she had been through in her early life paled to what Yael had survived, which made Abriella’s heart break for her friend all the more. Much like Cruz, she knew that Leandre would not give up on Yael either, but that did not mean it was easy.

Div knew that there was little he could say or do without revealing his foreknowledge of what was to come; which would anger the remaining Fates, something he was not willing to do.  Instead, he asked her to do something that he knew she would, trust him.  While she was still concerned, he believed that Yael had to go through everything to heal and this was not something that they could use powers to do for her. Until she was able to face those whom she was safe around without running in fear, she could never be truly be free from Gabriel.   And it was something that would help Leandre as well to walk her through, since he still buried his long ago torture deep inside.   Taking shortcuts would only make it so that in the future she would be unable to handle issues that arose.  She needed to be able to face it all by herself.  As hard as it would be. In the end, this would be the best for her.

“This is not the last time that I am sure there will be upset amongst us.  Since ascending to the throne here in Imperium, I have faced a constant stream of activity, from almost being dead to wanting to kill my ex.  Please no one despair that your first day here has hit a bump.” Abriella stood tall with her shoulders back.  This was the queen that those who had been living in Imperium with her for the past few years had come to know very well.  “We are more than friends here in the Palace, we are family.  And family,” she looked to Adriel before her gaze slid to Lucifer, then Deacon, and finally rested with an affectionate smile coming to her lips on Cruz and Div who was standing next to him now after hearing the commotion when Yael had become upset, “family works things out, even if it takes a little time.  None of you are alone anymore to face whatever it was in your pasts that brought you here.  This realm may have started off as Hell, but now it is an inbetween where all can find peace and rest.”  That was what Cruz and Abriella had truly turned Imperium into, with the darker parts of the former Hell realm being cast down into the “Lower Hell” of Caligo.  

After what had just happened with Adriel, Raguel seemed a little more tense as he sat and talked with the others than those who knew him were used to.  Not that any were surprised, it was clear that the two angels who most frequented Imperium would need to tread carefully around Yael, if not avoid her altogether until she had further calmed.  They would also have to warn Uriel and Azriel, Olly and Deacon’s fathers, to be careful as well.  All were Seraph angels, angels of the most high Holy order, higher than even Gabriel had been, so would be seen as a threat.  That Lucifer had not bothered her showed that those who were Fallen were seen as completely different than those still Holy.

The rest of the breakfast was thankfully uneventful.  Abriella was beginning to relax.  Everyone was chatting easily with one another.  Even Deacon was talking with both Gail and Phaedra in an almost relaxed manner.  She knew he was worried about Yael, but they both knew there was probably no one better to calm the nephilim than the male who had taken her from the room.  Deacon occasionally was even giving Talon a hard time, who was trying to blend into the background. As outgoing as Talon could be at times around those in the Palace, he also tended to be closed off when in large groups, so she was glad to see Deacon and Thinius pulling him out and not letting him disappear into a wall.

Everyone was just finishing up when there was a crash in the gardens that made the ground slightly tremble.  Cruz and Abriella were instantly on their feet along with Div.  They were more surprised to see Lucifer instantly in his battle attire, “NOW!” he shouted as he, Arioch, and Mithos disappeared.  

“What the fuck?” Thinius asked as a trio of black and red marbled wards covered the palace.

“Let’s go find out.” And with that Abriella, Cruz, and Thinius disappeared along with Raguel as well.

The rest of the room was left shocked and all of the women on edge.  Div cleared his throat, getting everyone’s attention.  Adriel was instantly in battle gear as well, standing next to him, but after getting something whispered in his ear, was back in his previous attire with a nod.  “Ladies, gentlemen, it appears we have some new guests.”

Arch’s head fell as a shudder went through him, his veins turning to ice as two words slipped past his lips: “it’s begun.”

[kyndaris]

Eliminating the Impossible

Ever since I watched the show Detective Conan, I’ve always wanted my sharp mind to the test and solve gruesome murders.That desire was only heightened by reading the adventures of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s most famous fictional character: Sherlock Holmes back in Year 8. The idea of emulating the greatest detective in the world was what drove me to study criminology and helped train my keen eye to the minutest detail. 

For a good long while, my one desire was to throw on a deerstalker cap, have a Stradivarius violin sitting in the back corner of my room  and exclaim: ‘The game is afoot!’ to a doctor friend. 

So when video games were released that encapsulated that feeling of being a master detective, as well as the Victorian setting of the time, I was hooked. Being able to deduce everything with just a quick glance and arrive at awesome conclusions? Yes, please!

Frogwares has come a long way in terms of their Sherlock Holmes titles. Many of the early titles were focused on one huge case that spanned the entirety of the hours spent on it. Holmes would traipse from one corner of London to the next in order to unravel the dastardly villain behind it all. That all changed with Crimes and Punishments where players could enjoy a myriad of shorter cases that allowed players to arrive at their own conclusions. So, eager to try my hand at actual crime solving instead of sitting on the couch and letting the playable character solve it all in several long drawn out cutscenes, I dusted off my PlayStation 4 Pro to enjoy a romp around London before I jumped into the much more open-world interpretation of my favourite detective in his younger years. 

Lo and behold: Sherlock Holmes and the Devil’s Daughter.

While I enjoyed the first three cases of the game, the latter ones felt much too rushed. Despite the strong opening, I was disappointed at how quickly the intrigue petered out. From a narrative standpoint, it was also disheartening to see how little the cases tied together. Yes, there was an overarching arch but the writers only touched upon it with small snippets rather than letting them breathe or have Kate (Moriarty’s daughter) be more involved rather than shunting her off to the sidelines.

It would have also helped if Holmes was more receptive to communicating with his adopted daughter instead of ignoring her wants and needs. For much of the game, he is constantly reminded by Watson that Kate deserves the truth. This also plays into the ending as well, which falters a little due to how little Holmes has interacted with Kate throughout the game. 

Still, the whole deduction business was very much in keeping with the great detective. The way he would file away certain clues and then make deductions in his mind palace was a sight to see. I also liked that the players had the options to select certain choices when it came to evidence. The most important aspect from the books was that preconceptions could colour or bias a deduction. Rather than come up with a hypothesis and pick and choose what evidence to neatly fit into it, it was far better to use the evidence to formulate the circumstances and motives.

Fittingly, the gameplay was primarily focused on solving cases although there were occasional diversions such as lawn bowling or navigating one’s way through a secret Mayan temple within the confines of Sherlock’s mind. While these had their own intriguing problems to solve, they were more or less a gimmick to provide something fresh and different to the formula that was mastered in the last game. 

My experience with the Devil’s Daughter was still, however, marred by the technical limitations of the platform. It was clear from the outset that the game wasn’t terribly optimised for consoles. There was quite a bit of screen tearing and suffering through long load times (after getting acquainted with much faster speeds on the PlayStation 5). Worse were the janky movements from Holmes to Watson and the inexplicable lack of instructions for new functions. While tutorials might have bogged down the pacing, they would have made certain puzzles a lot easier to deal with. 

As it always the case, the Sherlock Holmes titles from Frogwares are not triple-A games. That doesn’t mean, however, that they are not enjoyable. 

These grumbles aside, my time with Frogwares attempt at changing up the formula before heading back into the distant past, was still a detecting feast for my Sherlock loving heart. Here’s hoping Sherlock Holmes Chapter One will bring a breath of fresh air to the franchise whilst still balancing the a-ha moments with as much style as possible.

[selfieignite]

I am almost done watching and I cannot tell you how much I loved every second of it. The dynamic is so perfect. It’s such a bummer this got cancelled ): truly a waste of potential. Im thankful to you showing up on my dash regardless. Would you happen to know why it got cut short? I have an inkling it might have to do with racism

Yay! It makes me happy that people are discovering Selfie and watching it for the first time :) Yes, it was really disappointing that the show couldn’t continue and the cast deserved better. I have a list why it was canceled. Sorry this is long lol. I also recommend checking out the Selfie Wikipedia about the cancellation!

Possible reasons why Selfie (2014) got canceled: 

1) The title: Selfie. Some people really hated the name even though it’s still used in everyday life. And it was around the same time when the song #Selfie by The Chainsmokers was released. I don’t think the general public liked being reminded of vanity, so they ended up judging the show pretty quickly. Even a news interviewer said when he heard the title, he wouldn’t watch a show called that. If it had a different name or alluded to My Fair Lady/Pygmalion, maybe it might have had a better chance? Also, “selfie” is hard to search for online, so having a more unique name would have been a plus. 

2) Weak pilot and trailer. There was a lot of criticism from critics and the audience for the first episode and trailer. Things like the vomit scene, how social media was portrayed, and Eliza's narcissistic behavior were considered off-putting. 

3) Bad time slot and no strong lead-in show. It was on the same time as big TV shows like The Voice and NCIS, which aired on different networks. Also, it didn’t have a strong lead-in show to retain the previous audience. Manhattan Love Story aired right before it, but that was also canceled a few weeks earlier. If something popular like Modern Family aired before Selfie, more people would have stuck around to watch the series. 

4) Not enough (good) marketing? Some people speculated that there wasn’t enough promotion. I’ve seen posters about it, but that didn’t really tell you what the show was about.

And the combination of the first four reasons led to the following: 

5) Low ratings. Unfortunately, not enough people were tuning in after the first episode and ratings kept dropping. It was canceled after the 7th episode and that was when the episodes became progressively better, but by then it was too late. It aired on the ABC network and the ABC President at the time, Paul Lee, said it was a "very good show,” but decisions had to be made due to losing money from advertisers. While money is an issue, I personally don't think he was a big fan. It's because he favored other shows by getting them another season like Galavant, Agent Carter, and American Crime even though their ratings were declining. Selfie didn’t even get to finish its first season. It was originally supposed to be around 26 episodes.

6) Other networks didn’t pick up the show and/or Warner Brothers didn’t bother to shop the show to other networks. A lot of fans at the time launched a fan campaign to reach out to Hulu (where the rest of the remaining episodes aired), Netflix, etc. to pick up the show, but no avail. Warner Brothers produced the show, but they probably didn’t push for the show as hard as they could have either. AND Selfie is still not officially streaming anymore either (except in Australia) because of the WB.

7) Racism. That might have been part of it, but it’s hard to tell how much especially with behind the scenes and the several reasons above would overshadow it. But racism definitely played a part during the casting process since the production wanted a white Englishman to play Henry in the first place and was reluctant to cast John Cho. Out of the main cast, he was also the last person to be announced. Times are slowly changing, but we could always have more romantic Asian male leads on American TV.

8) It wasn’t given enough time and was on the wrong network. This also ties in with 5) low ratings, but ABC didn’t give it a chance to grow a larger audience especially when the episodes were improving. I don’t think ABC was the right network for this show. If it came out now on streaming or maybe a few years after Guardians of the Galaxy and Jumanji (where Karen Gillan played Nebula and Ruby Roundhouse), it might have done better. The kicker is that some of the critics changed their minds about the show right when it was canceled. They definitely contributed to Selfie’s demise with the early bad reviews. 

That’s all I can think of for now. Overall, the show was poorly managed. Great cast and writing if people could see past the first episode. 

Thanks for reading this far! lol

[fiiore]

hey is that lorenzo zurzolo? no, that’s just fiore gattuso. they’re twenty one, and have spent two years in dayton. i hear that they’re kind of determined but also can be narcissistic. black nail polish and piercing blue eyes remind me of him. can’t wait to see them at the next party!

warning: this intro contains a lot of mature/triggering content such as homophobia, emotional and physical abuse, mental illness implication, and probably a lot more. i’ve tried tagging everything accordingly, but if you see something i missed, please feel free to dm me!

basic stats ;

⟶ full name: fiore emiliano luca gattuso ( first name pronounced fee-oh-reh, also see here ! ) ⟶ nicknames: usually just goes by fiore, his cousin will jokingly call him fiorella or fifi , some people might even say…. flower boy ( fiore literally…. means flower in italian 😳 ) ⟶ three things he likes: people who smell good and have general good hygiene, seth rogen, tiramisu gelato ⟶ three things he dislikes: dirty fingernails, people who are actually very wealthy but are super cheap, cracked phone screens ⟶ gender: cis male ⟶ height: 5 ‘ 8 ⟶ age: 21 ⟶ birthday: june 13, 2001 ⟶ zodiac: gemini sun, aries moon, libra ascendant ⟶ right handed or left handed: left handed ⟶ eye color: baby blue ⟶ hair color: brown ⟶ piercings and tattoos: a cartilage piercing on his right ear, usually covered by his hair, and a small gemini symbol tattoo on his left wrist ⟶ languages spoken: italian ( native tongue ), spanish, and english ⟶ sexuality / romantic orientation: homosexual / homoromantic ⟶ place of birth: positano, italy ⟶ hometown: rome, italy ⟶ last five songs listened to: testa tra le nuvole pt.1 by alfa, sei bella come roma by dandy turner, caught you boy ( i want you ) by lana del rey, completamente by thegiornnalisti, 16 marzo by achille lauro ft. gow tribe ⟶ five aesthetics: several golden rings on thin fingers with black nail polish to match, always looking on fleek regardless of the situation, a flirtatious smile, a soft italian accent when speaking english, being late to literally everything ⟶ character inspo: kat hernandez from euphoria ( big muse! ), maeby funke from arrested development ( also big muse! ), lucrecia montesinos from elite 

background story ;

so fiore was born to a spanish mother named martina belmonte and a fully italian father named gian gattuso in the village positano, in southern italy. they later moved to rome when he was around four years old. his family? basically comes from really old money. so old, they really don’t even know where it came from? point is, they’re a very well off bunch. his mother is into politics and has her own line of hair and skin care products, and his father owns companies worldwide, of just about everything. gas, water, electric, fashion, food industries, you name it, his name is on it.

fiore grew up with anything he’s ever wanted ( materialistically, of course ). apart from that, his parents were, how you say…. awful? like no beating around the bush, they were awful. his mother’s businesses’ were legit, but they were also used to secretly wash money. his father treated his employees like garbage. they were both awful individuals, but his father however, had to be the worst for him. he had a very old school way of thinking, the whole the man brings the money into the relationship mentality, this dumb idea that men couldn’t show their feelings because they would be labeled as weak, a super religious mindset that honestly? was toxic masculinity at it’s absolute finest. very gross and vile behavior

they were people who expected a lot out of their only son, which made fiore feel an insane amount of pressure from the very start. he showed characteristics lots of boys his age didn’t show at a super young age. he did things like peeing while sitting down instead of standing up, he preferred to play with dolls instead of toys specifically for boys, favored the color pink, got along better with girls, preferred to watch shows that were considered ‘girly’, etc, etc.

they were very harmless things honestly, things that most parents would laugh about or just turn a blind eye at. however, fiore really wasn’t that lucky when it came to the people who bought him into the world. any time he would do anything they claimed a ‘normal boy wouldn’t do’, he would get a huge lecture, and a beating to go with it. needless to say, he learned to hide a lot of who he really was very early on

he did a lot of things to seek the approval of his parents. he wasn’t smart academically ( dumb boi 101 tbh ), but he tried to make them happy in other ways. fiore was never fond of sports at all, but he started playing tennis when he was five, because it made his parents less vile towards him. truth be told, he hated tennis with every fiber of his being  but again, he did this, simply because it satisfied his parents

he grew up trying to be the perfect son, often times putting himself in situations he didn’t want to be in or felt uncomfortable doing because he wanted them to be proud of him, but honestly? it was like? never enough. he could single handedly be the best person at anything he does, but it never made his parents happy. it was all smiles for the pictures, but behind closed doors, he really was pretty damn miserable. he was basically the perfect example of money doesn’t buy real happiness, because he had anything materialistic anybody could ever want, but he was not a happy kid

simply put, he’s always known he like boys. it wasn’t even one of those cases where he’s super confused and assumes it’s just a phase or is in deep denial or whatever, nope, he has literally always known, clear as day. and this, along with how his parents were in general, really made him depressed because he knew the way he felt wouldn’t be cool with them. if anything, he was terrified of how they would react if they ever found out about his feelings, so, as unhealthy as it sounds, he buried that shit. his perfectly normal feelings? buried, stashed away as if it’s something he should be ashamed about. the saddest part is though…. he totally was ashamed. his entire upbringing, he was just told it was wrong. religion was an excuse that was always used, but it was more of the whole ‘oh my god, what would everyone think?’ type thing. he grew up with the idea that the image people have of him and his family is everything, because this was pushed upon him since he could remember. again , he felt this insane amount of pressure to look and act perfect, and this, along with hiding his true feelings, secretly drove him insane

his life consisted of mostly just doing things he didn’t want to do. between tennis, cotillion classes he was forced to take, tutoring because he wasn’t academically intelligent whatsoever, the upperclass parties he was forced to attend with his parents, speaking to kids he actually couldn’t stand…. it all drained him. even things he liked doing, like playing piano, all seemed like a chore to him, because of all the pressure he was under. he just kept acting perfect, like his life was perfect and everything was okay, and fiore was so damn cynical and charming that he made everyone believe he was having the time of his life, when really? people didn’t know the half of it

it isn’t until he’s fifteen that his life kind of changes. his parents have been friends with this other family who was in their social class since fiore could remember, and they had a daughter fiore’s age, named luna  maybe you can see where this is going, but if not…. they’ve always wanted fiore and her to date. their mother’s were pregnant at the same time and would talk about their wedding type thing, fiore and her have known each other since they were in diapers, and this would all be super cute if he wasn’t like, secretly super fucking gay? but it was around this age that they kind of started pushing for them to hang out more, with the pure intention of them getting together. like ‘fiore has tennis practice, maybe luna can come with and you guys can go see a movie later?’ or ‘fiore, luna knows this great pizza place she can totally take you to’

basically…. kind of forcing them to hang out, and you know, fiore definitely tried. he would pick her up after school, they would go see movies together, they would exchange music back and forth, and he thought she was really, really cool, but he just was not into her like that. and again, he really did try? he kept telling himself that maybe if he holds his breath when he hugs her, the strong scent of her perfume wouldn’t nauseate him. that maybe one day, he would like how much smaller her hand was compared to his. that maybe he would come to enjoy how long her hair is, but like…. he actually could not? he was just not into her at all no matter how much he tried to be…. sad boi realization hours tbh

and one day when they’re at his house, alone, she tries to kiss him, and he doesn’t know what comes over him but dude kind of just pulls away and says ‘i’m gay!’ without even thinking about it, and i shit you not, her actual response? ‘oh, i figured that out. i just wanted to hear you say it’, and strangely enough, from that point on, they become best friends. she didn’t tell anyone what he told her, and she’s literally the first person he’s ever come out to

his life only gets, dare i say, spicier, from that point on. it’s two days after his sixteenth birthday when he’s going over to luna’s house to pick her up so they can hang out. now just imagine his surprise when the person who opens the door is some handsome shirtless stranger he’s never seen before. as it turns out, luna has an older brother, alessio, who fiore has never met before because he went to a boarding school in london and mostly lived with their grandparents. now this dude was actually the most attractive man fiore has ever seen. he actually just stands there and stares at him for a second because he can’t believe how handsome he is

to make a long story short, after weeks of sexual tension between them, they finally start messing around behind closed doors. fiore tried to avoid it, but his simp ass just gave in. he just couldn’t really hide his feelings anymore. it’s this whole secret summer romance, the only other person knowing the truth between them being luna. it turns into more than just a summer thing though when alessio decides to start the school year in italy, leaving behind the school he went to in london, literally all for fiore. obviously he gave a whole different reason when asked why he did what he did, but the real reason? definitely fiore

they’re together for two years, secretly, of course. fiore was legit in love with this guy. they were both young, but he knew he loved him. and they would have been together forever and probably run off somewhere to get married if it wasn’t for one single thing that fucked everything up

one day, fiore and him are walking back from his tennis practice. this is a time where fiore knows no one is home and no one is coming home for a while, so when they get to his house and see his father’s car parked outside, he low key panics a little. alessio leaves, but little does fiore know, this is the last time he would ever see him

his father asks him to come upstairs and surprisingly, leads him into his room. this is when fiore’s entire life practically changes forever. his father turns on his tv and legit starts playing his sex tape, with none other than alessio. just picture this though; your extremely homophobic, close minded and hateful father and you sitting on your bed, watching your gay sex tape with your boyfriend, who happens to be the son of your parents’ closest friends

obviously, this news isn’t well taken by his father. he gets his ass beat. like, literally almost dies type shit. he’s definitely been beat by his father before, but the truth is that it was never that brutal. he knew neither his mother or father would be okay with everything, but he didn’t think it would be that bad. this is definitely one of the lowest points in his life

it’s like they knew about it for a moment too because everything kind of just seems like they planned it with time? his plane ticket to california, his living arrangements with his cousin when he gets there, their very hurtful speech…. it’s like they thought about all of this. they tell him that if he wants to do ‘gross shit like that’, that he’s going to do it very far away from them. that he’s no longer going to be a responsibility for them, that they can’t believe he would even think to embarrass them that way and they couldn’t even imagine anyone finding out…. basically gets disowned and sent away, forced to leave the city he’s lived in all his life

it doesn’t really take an expert to figure out that fiore did not take this move well at all. for a while, he was really depressed. he wouldn’t go out at all and would just lay in bed for the longest time, his english was kind of ass as well. he appreciated what his cousin was doing for him by letting him live with him ( even though he didn’t know the real story ), but he just couldn’t get over what happened. after about the second month of just feeling sorry for himself, it was his cousin who snapped him back to reality

he got him a job at the pizza place he works in, but fiore began to realize how much he despised working. his entire life, he received everything he’s ever wanted on a golden plater with solid gold spoons, he’s always had everything without working for it, so this? he was for sure not used to it at all. his life completely changed. he went from living in a two story mansion in the most prestigious part of rome to living in a very shitty part of california, broke almost always, and working a job he hated with everything he had, splitting rent with his cousin

he didn’t want that for himself. he was trying to not be judgmental, but he simply couldn’t live like this, he refused. it wasn’t until he went out clubbing one night ( fake id and all ), that one of his friends really opened his eyes, showed him the wonders of being a sugar baby and conning people. they walked into the place with twenty bucks and left with four thousand dollars

quickly, fiore began to learn his friends’ ways. he just put himself out there. he opened up an instagram account and gained recognition after being tagged in several pictures with all these influencers with over three million followers each. his looks, his rather charming personality, and his thick italian accent helped him tremendously. he learned so fast that he could easily have the lifestyle he was so used to, using his looks to his advantage. soon enough, he was conning and finessing the fuck out of all these older men ( and sometimes women ) for their money. he would basically act like the boy of their dreams, everything sweet, then just steal their money and ghost. sometimes, he wouldn’t even have to do all that, he just had these older guys willing to buy him anything and spoil him in exchange for his company. i mean sometimes he would steal but it came up to a point where he really didn’t have to? he just had to look cute and act affectionate and he was getting whatever he wanted

on top of that, his instagram account was blowing up. he wasn’t just getting money from lonely old guys, but he was also making money off his social media accounts. sponsorships, a modeling contract, pretty much making money off his look . he’s also done some camboy stuff, but he wore a mask ( think kat hernandez from euphoria! ), like…. he became obsessed with how fast he could make money because he’s cute. he was just in love with the idea that dudes he didn’t even know online were sending him money because they think he’s hot. eventually, he began making enough money up to the point where he pushed his cousin into stocks and they eventually moved out of their crappy apartment and into a luxury house. fiore just wants to live the opulent life he’s always been used to

he’s just making money off his appearance at this point, whether it be guys spoiling him, or his social media accounts, or whatever it is, but he’s literally just living his luxury life doing what he wants and he’s just getting paid for his looks, and the content he posts? kind of an empty minded mentality, but he really doesn’t care. he’s living his dream of not working at all and still having a fuck ton of money so he couldn’t be happier. he just wants to live off his physical appearance and that’s legit exactly what he’s doing and honestly? we kind of have to stan

there is still a part of fiore that has a lot of issues and trauma. honestly mommy and daddy issues as fuck, but he doesn’t talk about this at all. it’s actually really funny because he’s pretty popular on social media, but no one really knows anything about his personal life? he literally refuses to talk about anything that happened to him before he was eighteen. it’s actually kind of wild because you can have very long conversations with him, but it’s kind of all outside things? in the sense that you can have a three hour chat with him, laughing and all, thinking you’re getting close to him, but when he gets up to leave, after like five minutes of him being gone, it’ll kind of hit you like holy fuck, i don’t know anything about this guy? he’s way too good at asking you about yourself and avoiding talking about his personal life altogether. you can tell him your entire life story but realize you literally don’t even know his middle name

he’s also super good at getting what he wants, super fucking sneaky. he will dead ass plant this thought in your head, but he’ll circle it so much, it’ll seem like the entire thing was your idea to begin with. he can be super manipulative but he’s so nonchalant about it that you won’t even notice. like nah , that wasn’t your idea... he’s been feeding it to you for weeks now to make you think it is

in a way, he is kind of relieved with everything that happened with his parents because now, he’s completely free to be himself and do whatever the fuck he wants, knowing very well they can’t really touch him anymore. of course, it still left a mark that he’s never going to be able to erase or forget ( both in his heart and on his body too ), but he feels free for once in his life and he’s kind of happier now, still low key needs therapy because he has some serious issues and problems tbh but what are you gonna do about it LOL

relationship wise, he really doesn’t commit to anyone. after practically being forced to leave his now ex boyfriend, he kind of feels like he doesn’t deserve love? it’s really fucked up but he’s genuinely convinced that no one is ever going to really love him or want to be with him so he just avoids any real romantic relationship of any kind. this is probably why he uses older rich guys the way he does, because he knows he can get as much as he wants out of them and in a way, he feels like he’s using them so they can’t use him? he also knows he’s never going to really love any of those guys, so he feels like they’re safe for him to use and manipulate to his liking. i mean he’s a major fucking hoe and will hook up with any hot guy whether they’re rich or not because BOYS BOYS BOYS, but he will definitely leave them before they can leave him. he’s the type to leave before you even wake up type shit…. we hate him tbh

deep down, he really does want to be loved. he wants an actual boyfriend and all that lovey gooey shit he had with alessio, but he’s just a scared little bitch. dude has fucking issues. like actual trauma that he can’t get over so he just keeps having meaningless sex and doing what he wants because he wants to be in control... again, get a fucking therapist fiore holy fuck

he has become a huge narcissist. he’s genuinely obsessed with his physical appearance, no lie. you will never see this man wearing sweats or half assing it. he always wants to look good, regardless of the occasion. in a way, it’s because he secretly feels like he has nothing else to offer besides being hot, so he dwells on this shit. has an extensive skin care routine, loves painting his nails, always has his hair cut nicely and dresses straight out of a magazine…. dude has to look good he doesn’t care

he’s also a huge fucking liar, can be super deceiving. he will have zero reason to lie but he’ll lie anyways. his narcissism and lying are literally a defense mechanism, like for the millionth time man…. go to therapy lmfao

he enjoys drinking and smoking weed as well, though he definitely prefers to drink. dude loves himself a huge ass cup of wine! he refuses to do anything else because he claims doing anything else is going to ‘ruin his good looks and youth’. he’s also a pretty good cook and knows how to bake, but this is a rather hidden talent of his. he’s mostly learned this because he’s a picky ass eater and wants to eat stuff his way, but he actually really likes it now? like making food or desserts is actually a relaxing hobby of his, he even knows how to make some really potent edibles which is actually pretty dope. don’t get him started on his alcohol soaked gummies because they come out fantastic as well

this is another secret of his but fiore? is actually secretly blind as fuck KJNCDNVCD like one of his many secrets. has a vision of 20/50, nearly 20/60, but hasn’t worn glasses since he was seven, pretty much doing everything with contacts. he just thinks glasses look unattractive on him and honestly refuses to let anyone see him with them on, basically only takes off his contacts to sleep type shit. it’s not even an embarrassing thing but he just hates it? honestly considers it to be one of his worst flaws, being blind as shit. no one has ever seen him with glasses on and the only person who even knows he has vision as bad as he does is his cousin 🤡

he has a ragdoll cat he found when he was two months old in a dumpster and he drunkenly named him draco meowfoy. he’s one year old now and fiore is actually in love with him. like…. that’s his baby legit

when he was younger, as punishment whenever he misbehaved, his father would lock him in the trunk of his car, for several hours. because of this and his childhood, he’s really claustrophobic. he can’t do tight spaces because he will literally freak out, have an actual panic attack. i’m sure if he ever gets trapped in an elevator, he would probably pass out with how not okay he would be KJFHNJDVN i think just thinking about shit he’s been through makes him have random mental break downs? he’ll say he’s over it but he’s definitely not bless

also just a random little fact, but his name, fiore, actually translates to flower in italian. his surname, gattuso, derives from the italian word gatto, which means cat, so when you think about it, his name? is dead ass flower cat, and ironically enough? his dream is to start his own clothing brand, with that exact name bless him

this is all i’m gonna write now because this got long as hell, but below are some wanted connections and his birthchart!

wanted connections ;

i bet i can’t remember you... no, i actually really can’t remember you: this is a messy connection, but give me a guy he drunkenly gave a blowjob to at a party and genuinely cannot recall doing it. your muse probably remembers it but fiore? watch him go damn that’s crazy... who are you again?

you can’t stand me you say? then sit on my face: ahh, the i hate you so much but we always end up sleeping together connection. someone who really can’t stand him yet they end up having sex anyways. watch his narcissistic ass go ‘you love me’ ( no you’re annoying af )

why are we friends? look at the shoes you’re wearing: very very unlikely friends, friends who have no idea how they even ended up becoming friends, but are friends anyways, watch him tell this unfortunate soul all his gay adventures

we bonded over our pets: became friends because they both have pets, they could have cute little playdates with their pets because he actually has the chillest cat alive, gets along with everyone

you’re the most irritating person i’ve ever met: someone who genuinely can’t stand him whatsoever. at all. not even a little bit. it’s very easy to hate him because he’s the worst so i don’t even blame this person

i hate that i don’t hate you: an unrequited crush. an unfortunate soul who likes him but he’s just the worst. he’s also the stupidest person ever, so he would be completely oblivious to this crush as well

let’s talk shit about everyone in the room: besties who trash talk everyone, no one is free from the mouth of these two. watch someone walk in with sweats and get roasted for absolutely no reason at all

or, we can brainstorm!

birthchart ;

[valerie]

TWITL - week 2 - felt a bit dragged

TUESDAY - 9 January I'm thinking maybe I need a new format for my blog. Maybe not post daily but perhaps write something randomly and do a wrap up at the end of the week. If I write during the week, then I might not have as much to do at the end of the week besides some short musings or the like. Let's try it this week. I did screenshots before bed last night of a Canadian show called STAT because Thomas Beaudoin, my new Muse apparently, made an appearance and of course I just had to have a gander. I was just going to skim to his scenes, do the screenshots, then go along my merry way. When I saw French subtitles, I frowned a little because the words were getting in the way of the screenshots. At this point, I popped on my AirPods and turned up the audio to find that Docteur Davis, his character, was speaking French AND English, which meant the French subtitles were for the folks who don't understand English. Neat! https://flic.kr/p/2prqhE3 I must say, the fact that he can go from English to French so smoothly was just lovely to hear. I was quite happy to watch his scenes even if I had no idea what was going. Actually, I figured out the gist of it from the English bits but the whole thing was still chaos to me because I think the show is a bit on the soap opera side and the episode seemed to start in the middle of the action. Anyhoo, he looked rather nice all scruffy while wearing military BDUs. Way to hit my fangirl buttons, whew! https://flic.kr/p/2prqU3K Adan Canto died yesterday. I remember him best on his turn in the show The Following and I will always remember thinking how much he reminded me of "my" Kevin Smith ("Ares" on Xena and Hercules). I didn't follow his career very closely but I saw his work over the years and figured he'd appear in something I was watching sooner or later. Alas, it will not be. Journey well into the next, Adan... Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Tonight's episode was another good one! It was lovely seeing Timothy Omundson as Hephaestus and I will always have a soft spot for the character of Ares because of the aforementioned Kevin Smith. Adam Copeland's turn as the god of war was a joy to watch. I am very seriously enjoying this show. WEDNESDAY - 10 January https://flic.kr/p/2prG6Vx We had a bit of rain today. Nothing too serious. Since I've upgraded my webhost, I feel like I need to update this website. Maybe I should revive Moonlit Jazz, which has been languishing in its current state for... over 8 years. Eight years?! In its last iteration, it was the place where I dropped my daily photos for Project 365. I now do Project 365 at my secondary Instagram (@vasiakiari). Now it just sits as it has since 2015. Back to this place though, kiari.com. I'm using a different theme but I think it's a work in progress at this point. Maybe I'll keep hunting around for more inspirational themes. We'll see if I settle on anything for more than a day. THURSDAY - 11 January Oh, Xena: Warrior Princess and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys is streaming on Amazon Prime! I already own XWP on iTunes (and DVD!) but I never did pony up the money for HTLJ. Now when I'm feeling nostalgic, I can head to Amazon Prime to watch either of those two shows. Oh, and do screenshots. For some reason, I felt like doing screenshots of Hades, as played by Erik Thomson. I marvel how back in the late 90s, it took FOREVER to do screenshots. Now it's just minutes, depending on how many scenes my subject is in. It's wild! https://flic.kr/p/2prYUcR from the Xena: Warrior Princess episode, "Adventures in the Sin Trade" I should do a re-watch of both HTLJ and XWP. I'll have to compartmentalize myself a bit and forget about how the one playing Hercules didn't turn out so well and just enjoy the episodes. XWP will be easier to re-watch because it was always the stronger show to me, in terms of characters and plots, though Michael Hurst (Iolaus) did make me cry in an episode of HTLJ. Just doing these screenshots brushed aside the veil of time to remind me of how it felt when the shows first aired. https://flic.kr/p/2prZ7tV from the Hercules: The Legendary Journey episode, "The Other Side" Honestly, soon after I started watching the shows, I found that I gravitated towards the guest stars, especially Erik Thomson and the late Kevin Smith, who played Ares. They were the reason I watched. They were the reason I started chatting online with like minded fans. They were the reason I started my website. They are part of the me that is Kiari. I made lifelong friends because of the show, the conventions, the mutual love for the guest stars. And I will ever be grateful... FRIDAY - 12 January It's finally the weekend! Yes, it's Friday evening and I have three whole days without work. Good times! Don't have any real plans. Maybe I'll clean. Maybe I'll do some laundry. Maybe I'll take lots of naps. We shall see! https://flic.kr/p/2ps4UmV wearing my favorite vest jacket Since I was feeling nostalgic after doing those screenshots, I pulled out my Hercules/Xena crew vest jacket. I always LOVE wearing this vest jacket, as I'm sure I've said plenty of times here. I love all the pockets. I love all the details. I love that it crossed space and time to become mine. And I love that Chris Conrad sent it to me. I still marvel at that last point. So very sweet of him. It makes me smile to wear it. SUNDAY - 14 January https://flic.kr/p/2pmyEv2 Luis Gerardo Méndez y Miguel Ángel Silvestre en la primera temporada de Los Enviados Los Enviados/The Envoys - We binge watched the second season today. I liked it! I might have liked it better than the first season. The nun had a bigger part and she was a delight. The ending felt a little as if they'd be back in the little town. The Brotherhood seemed to be unfinished business. I'd love another season of the two priests and the nun... 30 Monedas/30 Coins - We started another Miguel Ángel Silvestre show. Second season again. The first few episodes were a bit heavy on the monster-like imagery. Effectively creepy, especially if you're religious in the Catholic way. It's an adjustment going from Simón Antequera (Los Enviados) to Paco (30 Monedas). Despite being played by Miguel Ángel Silvestre, the two characters are so very different... https://flic.kr/p/2oSKgLE Miguel Ángel Silvestre en la primera temporado de 30 Monedas And that's week number two of 2024 in the books! Time for bed... Read the full article

[seracourtneyc3]

Community Curation

For our community curation project, we collected a variety of responses based on the prompt: Send me a form of art and tell me why it's important to you/or what memory do you have tied to it? From the responses we received, we organized them into five main categories. Here is what people had to say:

FILMS

"The first time I saw IT: Chapter Two (2019) I actually only saw the last 45 minutes. A coworker of mine invited me over to their place to finish some movie with their friends, and I was too shy to tell them I wasn’t the biggest fan of horror. At least, I wasn’t, until I saw this movie. The actual film runs for almost 3 hours, but Bill Hader’s character gives a performance in the last 45 minutes that moved me to full out sob, even without knowing the story. Since that fateful night, I have watched IT: Chapter One and IT: Chapter Two at least ten times each, as well as read the novel. The story, while flawed, has become my favorite piece of art, and will be for years to come."

"Little Women, bc I like the book and the movies and the real stories and everything bc I grew up with it and I really relate to one of the characters and I think the author has a wonderful story and I like that it’s just a real story of normal people told pretty plainly but it’s still so heartfelt and exciting and engaging"

"Cartoon/animation. (Like she-ra etc.) this art form [is] important to me because I love the way it allows world building and fantasy to be created with little boundaries and for it to be believable. This art form holds a lot of nostalgia and comfort to me. Often times when I need a form of escapism I can watch something I would watch when I was younger and it provided comfort[.]"

"The worst film, but somehow at the same time it’s amazing. Not good, just amazing.. I can’t explain it. If you haven't, watch it, I don’t recommend watching on your own tho."

"The Prestige is the best Nolan film! I’ve rewatched this movie at least 8 times and I still love watching it and find new things each time. I like all the other mind bender Nolan films, but I think that the Prestige has the best twist and reveal, the best Prestige!"

"Not gonna lie, this scene made me tear up. I’m not even that big of a Marvel fan, but I watched them all and kept up with the movies. I remember watching this in theaters and people were cheering and I was oddly emotional, can’t explain it. Epic scene."\

"My family watches this movie every year around Christmas so it means a lot to me. It’s always a good reminder of the important things in life."

"I’d never seen anything like [Into the Spider-Verse] when it first came out. A friend of mine showed me the film and there’ve been several scenes that I remember to this day, the monkey chant scene is one of them."

"I couldn’t find the exact scene that I wanted! It’s right before the beginning of this clip. My 11th grade English teacher made us watch this movie and I’ve loved it since! She focused a lot on the cinematography of the film and now I always point out the same things to my friends when watching the movie with them. There are at least 4 scenes that have amazing continuity and storytelling: the opening sequence of Lizzy walking, Lizzy sitting on the spinning swing, the scene right before the clip where time passes for Lizzy and the scene where Mr. Darcy walks through the field."

MUSIC

"Me and my roommates sing this song to each other almost every day because all of us collectively agree this movie is one of the best ones in existence so now this song reminds me of them and the movie."

"Spiegel im spiegel, Mirror in the mirror. A masterpiece of minimalism and a go to when I need a break from the world."

"When BTS went to the grammy awards and were the first Korean group to make it. It was so amazing because grammys not dominated by Asians. It was so cool to see my people represented. I'm so proud of them! This is a big step in history."

ART

"I’m literally currently at a museum and I enjoy Greek/ Roman statues because of Percy jackson, memories at boston fine arts museum, the met, and I enjoy classical history. [This is the] sarcophagus degli sposi (pronounced delly sposey, means of the spouses). it’s an Etruscan sarcophagus of a married couple where the man and woman are depicted as equals and they cuddle while the woman shows the man something in her hands. it was one of the only examples of a culture where women and men were seen as equals especially in marriage."

"Duchamp’s Fountain.It’s amusing to me, the impact this piece had in the art world and yet how it’s still widely unknown to the rest of the world. It marks the beginning of Conceptualism."

"Print making because when I was little I would do that crayon Barbie fashion thing and it was my favorite kind of art to make."

"When Nagi scores in Blue Lock. The scene was so amazing it made me love soccer even more. So excited for the anime lolol"

GAMES

"I’ve played Zelda games since I was a kid, it was probably my favorite game growing up. Breath of the Wild came out when I was in college and I hadn’t played games in a while  and the first opening sequence was so exciting and is one of my favorite Zelda moments."

"I waited ten years for this game to come out. The opening sequence didn’t disappoint."

Soulsborne games are my favorite and have played all of them but Gwyn lord of cinder was one of my most memorable moments I had in the entire series. I love how it’s such a serious game but the community has made this into a meme lol

SOCIAL MEDIA CLIPS

"One of me and my brothers’ favorite youtube videos, it’s not famous or important, but it’s one of my favorites “beacuase” of what it means to me and my brothers. We quote it all the time."

"okay so pedro pascal tik tok edits is my current favorite art form because i love the last of us and the story line, but specifically i love pedro pascal. he’s a great human and seeing the edits of him is great."

ARTIST'S STATEMENT

Community can be very important in shaping our relationship to the media. So many media experiences are seen as social-- going to the movies, playing video games, sharing messages, attending concerts, etc. The people you share media with have a direct influence on the experience you have with that media. Many of the responses we collected mention an aspect of community as a reason a certain piece of media is significant to them. Whether it’s tied to a fond memory shared with a loved one, or the basis of an inside joke with a friend, many times media takes on a new significance when we share it with those around us. Community can also expose us to new forms of media, especially through the Internet. When people share their opinions and interests with those around them, it encourages further engagement with that form of media as more people learn about it. 

Additionally, community also impacts the creation of media when artists support other artists. Building fan bases and places for people with common interests to communicate encourages the creation of new media because people know there is a niche for their work. One of our responses cited Pedro Pascal tiktok edits as a significant piece of media. Because there is a community of Pedro Pascal fans on tiktok eager to consume this content, creators are inspired to make it. 

Community can also have an impact on our reception of media when certain communities have a certain response to media. One of our responses mentioned when the K-Pop band BTS went to the Grammy’s being a significant media moment to them because Asians are very underrepresented at awards shows like the Grammy’s. Seeing such a significant form of representation in mainstream media was important to many Asian communities. Because BTS was the first Korean group to make it to the Grammy’s, the media attention regarding this event and the response from the general Korean community encourages people to pay attention. The more people that are talking about it, the more people the message will reach. This concept is described in a different way in Brooklyne Gipson’s Black Girls Are From the Future, where she describes the social media trend #BlackGirlMagic and its effect on the black community. This trend brought many black women together as they supported and connected with each other through social media posts. The positive response from the online community of black women encourages the trend to continue and more black women to add to it, showing how community support can be essential to the creation of new media. 

[jakestravels]

Europe 2022 - Day 17 - Munich

I was glad to get into Munich (München in German) on the final day of Oktoberfest, and I also just so happened to be here on one of Germany’s national Holidays, Germany Unity day! From Wiki:

It commemorates German reunification in 1990 when the Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany) and the German Democratic Republic (East Germany) were unified, so that for the first time since 1945 there existed a single German state. German Unity Day on 3 October has been the German National Holiday since 1990, when the reunification was formally completed.

I followed the signs that routed us through Theresienwiese and around to Oktoberfest, where I was treated with a lovely walk.

And before I even got in the gates, was greeted by this:

Look at that girl’s face. She does not want to be there.

And this place was huge. How big? I took a lap around the main thoroughfare (which is still inside the area, as opposed to the outer ring) and it was a mile long. It was very similar to the volksfest I went to in Stuttgart, but larger. In fact, if you are someone who’s claustrophobic, this would not the place for you. It was packed, and due to the carnival rides and food and such, is quite family-friendly. Turns out it’s not all about drinking beer. ;)

I took a few shots to try and show the immenseness, but it was tough:

Did you know at this event in 2014, 16.2 million pints of beer was drank? I don’t even want to know the bratwursts eaten numbers.

While it was cool to say I had been there, I found myself wandering around and not wanting to drink the high-priced beer or eat the food, so I left. I briefly thought about asking some folks to take some pictures of their spectacular lederhosen and dirndls, but the language barrier and just way too many people made it feel prohibitive. Still, I got to say I was here!

I meandered over to old town - I got lost trying to find the U-Bahn, so I just walked. I’ve never had such a directional orientation issue as I do in this town! I made my way to the hub of the city, and saw some beautiful sites.

Sorry for the photo dump: there was just a lot of pretty things.

I then went to Olympiapark München, home of the the 1972 Munich summer Olympics. It was eerie walking there - the streets were like a ghost town - I assume it was the holiday and last day of Oktoberfest - maybe everyone was somewhere else? Now if you know anything about the Olympics (at least the more modern ones), you will hear that usually hosting is actually a drain on the host cities. Not this one. These facilities are still used, and the park and architecture is fabulous. The park is celebrating its 50 year anniversary! Upon entering, from the north, I was greeted with the signature canopy architecture - in this case, it reminded me of a scarab (Rhinoceros) beetle.

Here is the stadium, currently undergoing some light remodeling:

Oh, and if you’d like, you can walk across the roof and zipline off of it! That’s a big no from me, dawg...

I went to the arena, but they were warming up for a concert, so I couldn’t peek around, but guess who’s still out there touring?

I also checked out the Olympic pool, still in use, and still cool-as-hell:

The sun was getting low, and I had spied a hill in the distance (also turns out this is a place my current host, Moritz, had suggested), so I hiked over and watched the sun set, a got another view of the park, where the plexiglass panels now reminded me of a spider’s web.

One of my top 10 favorite parks, hands down. I walked back to the apartment (I logged more than 8 miles today) and had a well-earned beer. Since there are so many beers here, I have found myself being picky about the ones I like. Of course I love Hornberg’s own Ketterer, but I also found a new favorite:

And then is was off for food, or so I thought. See, I made a terrible choice in not packing a little extra food. Not only are stores closed on Sundays, but also bank holidays, as are some restaurants! It’s for sure ok if you live here and are planning for it - not so much if your diet subsists on daily grocery store visits. So it was too late for food, and I exhausted most of my backpack supply and rando snax I had picked up. It’s ok - shopping tomorrow, and more exploring!

[shazzeaslightnovels]

September 2022

(Series: Lycoris Recoil)

No, I still haven’t finished Youztisu 8. I’m getting there.

While this season didn’t have as much to offer as last season, I did really enjoy every show that I watched and was excited to watch them every week. There was one exception to this which was Hataraku Maou-sama which I put on hold after episode 7. I took a break from the show while on holidays and I fell behind it by 3 episodes and when I finally got around to episode 7 all I could think about what was how bored I was watching it. And I actually like volume 4 more than most people did but the execution was so lackluster for me and I did not want to go back to it. I will still finish it later but I needed to take a break. It’s a shame as I’ve been wanting this sequel for 9 years but I can’t say I’m surprised that it ended up being disappointing, given the change in studio and the general quality of the light novels after volume 2. I can’t say I was excited to see a 3rd season announced.

Shadows House 2: This was a very compelling sequel with an intriguing mystery and some great new characters. I do think that it moved a bit too slowly at times and it’s a shame that it ends on a note that feels even more unfinished than the first season did but I’ve been meaning to pick up the manga anyway so whatever. Still a really enjoyable season that shows off the talents of the animators and the voice actors.

Danmachi 4: This one isn’t finished yet but I’ve been enjoying this one a lot. I do think that the more recent episodes suffer from some low budgeted animation but the strength of the source material still manages to carry it. The light novel is better but the anime makes for an enjoyable watch nonetheless. I don’t know how long this season is meant to go for. I’ve heard rumors that it will be 22 episodes but I haven’t found anything official to confirm it (granted I haven’t looked far). If this is the case, hopefully the anime won’t become unwatchable due to budget issues in the second half.

Lycoris Recoil: I really enjoyed this anime overall, largely due to how much I loved the main cast, particularly Chisato and Takina and their dynamic. I had a blast watching it every week. I definitely think there was more potential to explore the setting and interrogate the whole premise of teenage girls being turned into assassins. There was a particular part where Mika mentioned that Lycoris tend to stop being active when they turn 18 and there was no further explanation as to why that is or what happens to them. It’s just briefly mentioned and glossed over. I do think it was a missed oppurtunity to explore that premise further but as is it’s fun action series with incredibly charming leads that I was super invested in and that was enough for me. I will picking up the light novel volume once I’ve cleared a bit more of my backlog.

Digimon Ghost Game: Recently, the show has focused on Hiro more and more to the point where several episodes will just have Kiyo and Ruli make a single appearance or not appear at all. It reminds me of a tv show where a character just won’t appear in an episode because the actor is busy and the other characters will have a throwaway line to explain their absence. It also reminds me of the Adventure remake but I don’t mind it as much because I don’t have an older, better show to compare it to and because I don’t care about Ruli and Kiyo all that much. I like them well enough but the show never really felt like it knew what to do with them. Ruli wanting to find “something” was alluded to in early episodes but hasn’t come back since and Kiyo felt like he was starting to have a character arc with him becoming braver but his cowardliness tends to be used as comedic relief more often than not which resets most of that character development. It’s not like Hiro is any more developed but at least I feel like he has a point to exist. That’s definitely the weakest point of this season: as much as I enjoy it, I can’t say the human characters are very well-rounded. It’s a shame because they definitely have potential but they’re not used well. Thankfully, the Digimon themselves have more than enough charm to make up for it and I’m still able to really enjoy it each week and get excited for every new episode.

Love Live Superstar 2: I wasn’t enjoying this anime as much as I enjoyed the first season for the first half of it. While I liked the new characters well enough, I didn’t care much for their introductory episodes and I questioned whether they really needed to exist. But I am really enjoying the second half and I’m glad we get to see more of the original team and how the new members fit into their dynamic. Episode 7 & 9 were particular highlights. I am also a big fan of the new rival Wien who is perhaps the most threatening rival in all of Love Live. I’m really excited to see how this season ends.

Next season, the only new thing I’m set to be watching is the second half of Spy x Family but I’ll probably pick up a couple of other shows. I feel like HiDive has snatched up most of the shows that I was interested in this season (like Bibliophile Princess) but I’m sure I’ll find something.

[victorieschild]

After 3 seasons we have finally reached an episode I haven’t seen before,,, and it was WILD