#ableism's just an area i feel i can say something on

[nostalgia-tblr]

have to say one thing fandomwise i'm not enjoying about RTD2 is him getting/taking credit for positive moves when he'd previously been very much part of the problem and we're just pretending that bit never happened. davros shouldn't be a disabled villain, yeah, but you were fine with it before, even adding the wheelchair-using villain in that s2 cyberman story, and i want to know what changed and when. like that's actually a thing worth discussing, what kind of awareness-raising actually works and what didn't?

the tardis is accessible now. good! but the old tardis was just a flat studio floor, it was nu who (back at RTD1) that started adding pointless stairs to the set just because it... looked nice? apparently? so i am glad it has at last lost the useless stairs (for now at least) but why did it have them in the first place? cos i already know that the real answer is "because nobody involved in the production even realised it was an issue." which is normal! i accept that people mostly don't think of these things because they don't have to! even in fandom the fans who first noticed the ramps in the new tardis were the ones with some interest in disability rights (often because they or someone close to them is disabled - as i said most people don't have to be aware of these things (though it'd help tremendously if they were)).

idk there's a level on which i feel like i'm being gaslit? i mean good on him for having learned over time on a number of issues, but pretending he didn't learn makes it all seem a bit disingenuous and also takes away from the fact that he clearly has done some thinking on things and has come to new conclusions, which is good and the sort of thing we can praise without pretending there was no problem to begin with.

[heliza24]

Being a physically disabled Dimension 20 fan breaks my heart sometimes

I’ve been thinking about this since last Wednesday’s episode when we finally got a real scene with Lydia, one of the few physically disabled characters in the entire canon of the show. It was nice, but it was really just a lore dump. An excuse for exposition. A moment for Kristen to look good by expending sympathy/pity. (I’m a little frustrated about how that interaction went down. Extending the help action was nice but patronizingly touching the neck of a full-ass adult without consent was not. It was weird and not something she would have done to a nondisabled character).

I have watched almost all of D20 (still missing a couple of seasons) and as far as I know here’s where our list of canon physically disabled characters stand: Lydia Barkrock, Jan de la Vega (who feels pretty problematic to me, maybe more on that in a later post), one of the Dwarven statues in the temple in The Seven (who is not given the dignity of being brought to life like Asha), and Pete’s coworker in TUC2 who is in exactly one episode and is so unimportant I have forgotten his name. I guess you could make an argument that Gunny is disabled, but I don't feel that Lou or Brennan really talk about him or play him through that lens. So in terms of canon physically disabled PCs-- that leaves us with 0.

We do a bit better with neurodivergent characters and characters with mental health problems; Ayda (my beloved) is very well developed and Adaine is a PC. There have been some openly neurodivergent players, like Omar and Surena, whose characters also read ND to me. But that isn’t labeled or discussed in canon, so it's hard for me to know where to class that. I am going to focus the rest of this post on physical disabilities, since that is my area of lived experience. If another fan wants to write about their perspective of neurodivergence rep in the show, I would love to hear that, and will happily amplify.

There has never been a character with a sensory disability or a limb difference or a chronic illness (not a fantasy one, a real one) on Dimension 20. The only NPCs we have are nondescript, similar wheelchair users. And there has never been a physically disabled player at the table. On the flagship show of Dropout, a company founded on diversity and inclusion. It feels extremely pointed to me.

In fact as far as I can tell there has only been one (1) physically disabled performer on any of Dropout’s shows. (Shout out to Brett, you were great on Dirty Laundry.) Obviously I haven’t seen every episode of everything they have produced. If I have missed someone, please do let me know in the comments/reblogs. But it’s a problem. And Sam Reich even agreed with this criticism when I asked him directly about.

I do really hope they’re working on it, as Sam says. But why has it taken so long?

Dimension 20 has had trans and nonbinary and queer players. It has had players of many different races. I’m not saying that the diversity here is perfect; there should always be more POC in the dome, more queer people. We should keep pushing for that. (And we should also push for performers at the intersections of these identities!) But we’ve seen the ways this diversity has expanded and improved the different seasons, because diverse players create sensitively drawn, diverse player characters. They add details to their PC’s experiences that make them feel rich and alive. I’m thinking about each of Ally’s PC’s incredible capital G gender and Aabria “all my characters (even the stoats) are Black” and how excellent they all are. D20 would not be the show it is without this input.

And yet. And yet.

There are 1,000 interesting and complicated themes to explore around disability. Dealing with access. Dealing with ableism. Dealing with compassion and community care. Dealing with none of it and just being a cool fantasy or sci fi character that happens to be disabled. We don’t get any of it.

I watch my favorite show and I see myself in the ace rep and the female characters. But I don’t see all of me. I see a silent but ever present message: you aren’t quite welcome here.

I have this fantasy that I play in my brain sometimes that someday I’ll get to talk to Brennan in person, like maybe if I buy a VIP ticket and risk Covid to go to a live show or we run into each other on the street or something. I am able to look him in the eye and articulate why he NEEDS to include a physically disabled player in an upcoming season. I reference the ways he’s talked about inclusion and writing diversely on Adventuring Party. Maybe I hand him a handwritten letter, or hell, a printout of this post. And because he really cares about diversity and his shows and his fans he would listen to me, and cast a physically disabled performer in the next season.

But I think that might be giving that nondisabled man (whose work I adore, who I respect so much) too much credit. Because he’s had Jennifer Kretchmer, a physically disabled actual play performer, on adventuring academy to talk about access in gaming. He’s hired disability consultants. He knows about physically disabled people, enough to give us shoutouts as inconsequential npcs. And he still hasn’t thought to include us at the table. In over 20 seasons. None of that other stuff matters if we aren't given a seat at the story telling table, and the agency to craft our own narratives equal to other participants in the game.

When Lydia was telling her story in the last episode, I kept wishing for a prequel, where she is more than a plot delivery device and a kind but unimportant parent. I want to know about her adventures with her adventuring party. I want to see a talented, wheelchair-using actor play out the scene when she decides to put the gem in her chest. I want to hear about what happened after. I want to know how she survived. I want it so badly it hurts.

I am in the process of trying to find new indie actual plays that feature more disabled talent. I am learning how to GM myself so I can tell these kinds of stories. But it’s not the same as being a fan of something. Sometimes I don’t want to have to make my own representation. Sometimes I just want to turn on my favorite tv show, the one that I have cosplayed from and written metas about and loved whole heartedly, and see myself included.

If you’re another disabled or neurodivergent fan I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. If you’re not, I’d love for you to reblog this. I would love for the absence of physical disability in this show to be a topic of fandom conversation, at the very least.

[gayaest]

I just want to say your Paravolley AU has helped me a lot with overcoming internalized ableism, made me learn about sitting volleyball, and has also gotten me to read and watch Haikyuu again after years. I've been a volleyball person my whole life but I got a sports injury in highschool and now use a cane (and hopefully a rollator walker in the future).

Kageyama Tobio has always been my favorite character and seeing him in your AU hit me really hard. Though we don't have the same injury, I saw myself in your portrayal of him very much.

Your AU had made me re-evaluate the Haikyuu manga and anime through a disabled lense, and made me fall in love with Furudate's story all over again. Even stronger than it was before. And I adore the parallels you decided to put with your own AU.

I've since been searching up if there's sitting volleyball in my area (with little luck so far but dammit I'm going to keep looking). I'm so disappointed that it's never been brought up to me when I got injured. I'm upset that I was convinced that I'd never have a place in volleyball again. I legitimately started crying tears of joy when I learned sitting volleyball existed.

Thank you so much for your AU. I think it'll have a special place in my heart for a long time.

This is a genuinely sweet and kind-hearted message, and I have to thank you for sending it.

It means a lot that my AU brings comfort to not only myself, but other disabled people as well — the idea that my experiences, thoughts, feelings, research, etc is being put to good use to help and soothe people is more than I could ever wish to achieve or want.

I think something so important in my AU with Kageyama is that he wasn’t born disabled, he got his spinal cord injury at one of the worst points in his life, while simultaneously losing his support system (grandfather). He had no idea how to cope with becoming disabled because the people he surrounded himself with previously (MiddleSchool Volleyball Team) all turned their back on him and his drive to still want to play volleyball and feel lost without it. In turn, he turns that anger and fear and disappointment into internalized ableism, and even some outwards ableism he doesn’t even realize he needs to fix, because it’s just something most able-bodied people get told or believe. He pushes himself past his limits, hoping that he could one day be back to his old self, but that old self no longer exists, and that’s something the Karasuno Sitting Volleyball team teaches him. They teach him acceptance, support, community, etc when he didn’t even know it existed before.

I’m glad my AU can resonate with so many people, and I wish I could blab even more about it because it’s always in my head constantly, so if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask about it.

Furudate’s story is truly amazing, and to me, it doesn’t lose it’s charm and meaning for me as a disabled person, in fact, in makes me want to form even bigger bonds with community and other disabled people.

Thank you again for the ask, anon! It’s very sweet.

[saltwatersweets]

yknow, given the fact that it’s entirely possible wounds created by angelic weapons don’t fully heal (since vaggie’s eye never healed), and the fact that adam attacked alastor with an angelic weapon, and the fact i’ve seen a few fics in which alastor deals with chronic pain in his chest wound because of the injury, i’m surprised i’ve never seen anyone bring up an idea where adam’s axe landed just a foot or so above where it did in canon and ended up taking out alastor’s eyes, similar to how lute did with vaggie.

i’m not sure if i would be comfortable writing about this, given i am not physically disabled and i’m not sure if i could accurately portray blindness (especially with a character like alastor, who’s already so difficult to write), but i’d love to see this idea explored somehow. alastor is already someone who wants to be the most powerful (or at least in control) person in the room and so taking away his sight in a permanent way would definitely affect him badly. another reason i’m not sure i would want to write this out: the internalized ableism would be off the CHARTS. not to mention, a wound to the face isnt something he can hide like he could with a chest wound, so the other hotel inhabitants at least would see what happened as soon as they realised he was still alive after the extermination. he would not be happy about their endless concern one bit.

tl;dr: what if alastor was permanently blind after the extermination?

here are some ideas i have regarding this au (please let me know if any of them come off as insensitive):

alastor probably would try to use the recent lack of eyes to his advantage. after all, outside of one’s mouth, the eyes are typically the most expressive part about a person. even when he’s trying to conceal his emotions, you can tell what he’s feeling because of the expressions in his eyes. now, however, he’s even MORE difficult to read, which he likes to think gives him more control. the eyes are a window to the soul, they say? not anymore!

he looks rather similar to rosie now (based off how vaggie looked like when charlie first found her after she fell, with her eye socket just being dark and black)! once he’s accepted what happened to him, they’ll make an occasional joke about how now he looks more like a typical cannibal in hell, it just took him a century to catch up.

vaggie and him bond over losing one or more eyes because of adam (whether directly or indirectly). he hates the fact that he genuinely is more fond of her after this experience, because she never treats him like something about to break, for better or worse.

speaking of which, i feel the need to say that despite alastor likely viewing himself as weaker after the loss of his eyesight, he is not inherently weaker. it takes him a long time to know he is not ruined, he is just changed. doesn’t mean his musical mental breakdown in episode eight isn’t even worse than before now though. he hates that this has happened to him, that he has been permanently injured in this way, but he learns to live (or… exist? since he’s already dead) with it and accept his disability as a part of himself.

his staff (once repaired) and ears are incredibly helpful, especially since deer can hear extremely well. his shadow and microphone are also extensions of himself, so though he can’t see through them per se, they keep him from crashing into things when he’s in an unfamiliar area.

once mimzy gets over being “kicked out” of the hotel so to speak, they’ll still hang out and dance together! she doesn’t think of him as any lesser or any weaker after what happened, he’s still able to keep up with her on the dance floor even if it is a bit more difficult now.

the hotel inhabitants and some other people he regularly meets with will occasionally read his favourite books aloud to him (there were books in his room so i headcanon he likes to read in his free time). he never says it aloud, but he does genuinely appreciate this. he particularly enjoys it when niffty sits still long enough to read to him, especially if she’s reading out a cookbook and helping him make food. it is physically impossible for her to sound condescending to him.

on the other hand, charlie reading aloud is a mixed bag, because although she’ll always try to make it entraining for him (by being very animated in her voice acting), she’ll often interrupt herself to disavow the fictional violence. also, it is physically impossible for her to NOT sound condescending to him. he’s not a wayward sinner down on his luck for her to swoop in and save, after all! he doesn’t need her to try and “fix” him.

he has allowed angel to read to him a SINGULAR time, because while his voice acting is quite entertaining and he won’t complain about the violence (he has no room to talk, given the scripts he acts out), angel would rather die (again) than quit making sex jokes every two minutes. he could be reading a cookbook and sneak in a “that’s what she said” a good three times in a single page.

one of the first things charlie does upon seeing alastor is still alive after the extermination is ask lucifer to heal him, and lucifer has to tell her it’s not something that he can do. it’s actually something charlie initially responds with anger about, because at first she thinks he’s just refusing to heal alastor just because he doesn’t like him. it’s vaggie who steps in to calm her down, because she knows personally that angelic wounds can’t be fully healed. it’s been three years, she’s not expecting her eye back by now.

alternatively, it’s easy to imagine charlie still asking lucifer to TRY and heal him regardless, because maybe if they just try hard enough, they can do it! so lucifer tries. and it does not work. naturally, this only serves to make alastor more pissed off. he melts into his shadow and goes into his room, and doesn’t come back out until that night.

the next thing charlie does is spend no less than four hours looking up accommodations she can make to the hotel for someone with no sight. braille to all the rooms and other things that are labeled is among the first she gets lucifer to implement, as well as keeping nearly all of the floors loud tile instead of carpeted, so alastor can tell if someone else is in the room with him.

i swear i’m trying to think of something distinct for husk because his dynamic with alastor is so interesting to me, but i really can’t think of anything super specific. one thing that does stick out is that, like vaggie, he never regards alastor with pity, because he knows alastor better than most and knows he’s still extremely powerful. i’ve always thought alastor somewhat appreciates husk’s unflinching honesty (even though it’s a trait of his that undeniably pisses him off at times), and so he knows husk isn’t lying or acting when he still treats him the same way as before the extermination.

alastor will still make radio broadcasts, even if just for his own amusement. you don’t need to be able to see to be able to talk, after all! if anything, this experience only makes him hate television and modern day technology more. at least he revels in the knowledge that it is now impossible for vox to hypnotize him, if he ever dared to try.

he’ll make. so many eye puns. TOO MANY eye puns. you know that joke where people are like “we can’t ever let alastor know he’s asexual because if he does, the amount of ace jokes he’ll make will be through the roof”? yeah, it gets that bad.

i like the headcanon that alastor likes to draw on occasion (given the all but stated fact that he drew the hotel in the commercial in episode 1, as well as a few unnecessary but fun doodles outside of that), and he is initially saddened to realize that this is something he won’t be able to do anymore. however, niffty ALSO likes drawing, and she likes to rope him in to her drawings by force, giving him paper and crayons and always being completely honest if he ever asks what colour is in his hand. he’ll even occasionally let her move his hand to the right spot on his paper if he ever forgets where he drew the lines on his paper before. she likes to spend as long as she needs describing her drawings in vivid detail - she will talk to him about her gorey artwork, and no one will stop her!

[lancedoncrimsonwings]

Make your Whumpees Chronically Ill.

What kind? Do they have Chronic Pain? Chronic Fatigue? Dietary illnesses? Connective tissue diseases? Autoimmune disorders? Something made up or fantasy based? Something else entirely?

What does their day-to-day look like? Maybe they don't need a Whumper to be suffering. Can they take care of themselves, or do they need help? Do they get that help? What happens if they don't? What happens if there is a Whumper using this against them, or a Caretaker who doesn't understand? Make them flare up, then worsen all their symptoms!

For invisible illnesses; Do people believe them when they say they're sick even though no one can see it on the outside? Do they struggle with not being able to see what they feel themselves?

For more visible illnesses; Do they face discrimination and ableism? Do people treat them differently, do people infantalise them? How do they feel about that?

Questions;

What are their symptoms like?

Do they flare up?

If their health worsens, will it ever recover?

Do they mourn the life they had before it got to this point?

Do they have a diagnosis, or even know what's wrong?

What gives them respite?

What makes them worse?

Do they suffer with mental health issues as well, and are they because of the Chronic Illness or a secondary thing to suffer?

Pain;

Neuropathic pain;

Widespread, often nerve based pains from a nervous system disease or disorder

Allodynia- tactile, thermal or mechanical allodynia, even the lightest touch can hurt, and your skin feels raw and bruised. Pressing on it hurts deeply, to the bone. Pain can worsen with temperature fluctuations, warm and/or cold.

Parasthesia- peripheral neuropathy, partial or full numbness, tingling, pricking, vice like or lightning-like pains, weakness in the affected areas. Can worsen with compression, such as restraints or stress positions, and can come and go.

Nociceptive pain;

Somatic sharp pain that's localised to the affected area and can be caused by long term, unhealing or reocurrent damage and injury

Visceral aching pain that's widespread and can be caused by systemic disease

Inflammation- hot, aching pains that throb incessantly, seizing joints and knotted muscles, brain fog, headaches and sluggish thoughts, stabbing tendons and sharp pain in ligaments, swelling, tenderness and redness

Dislocations, subluxations and connective tissue weakness, weak joints that can contort beyond what is normal, soft skin that bruises breaks and scars with ease, never ending joint pain, grinding bone against bone and broken cartlidge, permanently altered movements from ligament damage, agonisingly powerful sharp stabbing pains at certain movements

General:

Pain that's worst when waking. Pain that gets worse throughout the day. Pain that's worse in heat or in cold, pain that changes with the weather

Dissociation as a way to cope with the pain, to the point when they realise just where hurts it's like being hit by a truck. Depersonalization to the point they don't know who they even are, they don't feel alive, these limbs are not their own. Derealisation to the point reality feels like it's taken a step to the left, like they're a ghost and the real world is behind a pane of glass. Both blanketing over them in a desperate attempt by the brain to stop the pain that would have them screaming without it.

Pain that they no longer respond to, what's the use in screaming when it never ends. Chronic pain that masks the acute pain of injuries they didn't realise you had. (Ask me how I know...) Chronic pain that has medical professionals shocked at how little they react to things that cause severe pain. Chronic pain that wears down their tolerance for everything else, that makes them snappy, irritable and angry.

Vice like pains, twisting clawing tearing inside muscles, pain when they move, speak, even breathe.

Pain that never ends and isn't touched by most medications. Pain that IS helped by some medications, but the side affects are terrible, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, hallucinations, bladder and bowel issues, slurred speech and a hazy mind

Pain they cannot see that drives them to hurt themselves on purpose just to feel in control of it, just to be able to see what they feel upon their skin

Pain that will make them do anything for it to stop, pain that takes their hope away, robs them of their dreams, makes them want to end it all

Fatigue;

Fatigue that drives a haze over their brain and tears their memory to shreds. Slurred words, sentences said in the wrong order, fatigue that has neurological bases. Fatigue that turns a once sharp mind into a rambling incoherent mess. The ability to read, write, speak, listen all taken away, so the world becomes an incoherent mess too.

Fatigue that causes insomnia, so they end up physically exhausted AND fatigued at the same time

Fatigue that's worsened with light, sound and being upright, and can only be managed by aggressive resting, lying still in the silent darkness.

Fatigue that comes in waves, fatigue that flares if they overexert; Post Exertional Malaise, limbs weak and pumped full of lead, tachycardia, inability to stand or walk, inability to eat, think, drink, speak

Fatigue that feels like the flu, fever, swollen glands, hoarse throat and blood pressure dysregulation, fainting and dehydration

Dark circles under eyes that only seem to worsen over time. Weight loss and muscle wastage, ability draining away.

Fatigue that feels like dying whilst alive, that no one understands, that isolates until there's nothing left. Fatigue that strips of everything that made them who they were, until they are just a shell of a living thing.

Make your Whumpees Chronically Ill.

Sincerely, a Chronically Ill fuck who is suffering far too much today and wants to see more representation.

This are purely based on my own experiences, and is by no means exhaustive, hell, I've only scratched the very surface of my own chronic illnesses here.

Feel free to add to this!

[narcpocalypse]

Speaking of that post I hope it's ok for me to send this ask in!

I have some OCs myself that also have NPD(+other PDs as well, like ASPD AND BPD for example) and I was wondering how to realistically portray NPD without unintentionally stigmatizing/demonizing it?

*also some are also POC as well and are my Elder Scrolls OCs also, if this helps.*

Feel free to delete this ask, if you don't feel like answering!

AGHHH MY FIRST ASK!!!!!!!!/pos

Fair warning, this is going to be a LONGGGG ass post and it will mention ableism towards NPDers. I want to make sure I cover as much as possible. If you have NPD and want to add anything, pls do so in a reblog or the comments! I am also super delirious so if what I say makes no sense I'm so sorry 😭

I think a full, completely in depth understanding is the key to not writing something stigmatizing/demonizing. It sounds obvious, but in the case of NPD, there's so much misinformation so I am hoping this post can guide you in the writing process. You never know what little thing can cause accidental mischaracterization.

This is a super important topic for me because honestly, I'm trying to figure out the same as someone with NPD myself, even with all the info available. I feel like there's so much grey area because so much is still unknown about the disorder (fuck the psych system/narc abuse believers). A lot of us have to go from our personal experiences and figure things out on our own, which brings me to my first topic:

Self Diagnosis And The Criteria!!!!!!!!

A LOT of us are self diagnosed, including myself. Whether you're officially diagnosed or not, most of us can agree the DSM5 is booty ass. I bring up self diagnosis specifically because due to the DSM5 being shitty, it's suuuper difficult to get diagnosed or even want a diagnosis. I personally don't want one.

If that's a theme you want to bring up in your work, I would definitely follow blogs here that break down the diagnostic criteria and re-define it in a realistic way. Having this is super important because the DSM5 is MADDD confusing even if it wasn't ableist.

Your characters might resonate with that confusion and even anger. Rage is such a prominent emotion with us narcissists, so its highly encouraged you tap into that. The stigma is so impactful to most of us and personally keeps me hidden.

If you went off the official criteria, you could innocently and accidentally write an ableist trope based off the DSM5. For example, the DSM5 has a very vague and "I do this just because I can blah blah blah and there's a name for it" narrative of narcissists. There's no nuance. They state accurate symptoms but don't accurately explain why we have them. Without context, it makes our intentions ultimately one size fits awful.

Here are some resources that have been super helpful to me!

Some extra specific things I keep in mind when writing my narcissistic characters:

-“Bad behavior” is such an important phrase to emphasize when writing narcissists negative symptoms and being mindful on how you approach the impact. Make sure that phrase is clear, even if they will not redeem themselves and are a piece of garbage. They did xyz because of bad behavior due to symptoms, they hurt john doe because of bad behavior due to symptoms. They make the conscious choice not to change their bad behavior because abc or they make the conscious choice to do better because blah blah blah.

-Depending on what communication style you want two or more characters to have, make sure the outcomes are accurate based off of symptoms. My examples don't explain narcissists as a whole, but they are based off of my symptoms:

Lack of Communication: Increase in superiority symptoms, increase in rage, increase in invalidation and inferiority feelings. Other parties, specifically egotypicals may have a misconception of the narcissist and believe their symptoms are how they really are and can't be redeemed due to stigma. In the situation involving a narcissist however, in my experience when this happens I'm always so confused. Nothing makes sense and nobody is explaining anything to me. I need outside perspective as to why my actions are wrong and lack of communication will sink me deeper into my delusions. Communication is so important coming from the outside perspective to snap me out of my spiral. Lack of communication on my end will cause me to bottle up my feelings, convinced I’m better alone. Not explaining my intentions (or lack there of, to be completely blunt and vulnerable.) to someone I hurt can cause them so much more pain too. I don't want to hurt anyone, and even if I don't FEEL sorry, I can acknowledge I don't want the people I care for to be hurt by my bad actions.

Proper Communication: Honestly in my case, usually the damage I caused isn’t forgiven however rebuilding that trust becomes so much easier accepting that and opening up to the person/people I hurt. The narcissist usually knows they can prevent xyz going forward, and the other party is prepared on how to handle the situation in case it happens again. In my experience, communication is super beneficial in terms of receiving supply too. ESPECIALLY when the other person involved is also a narcissist, they know that pain of not receiving praise/admiration and we can understand each other moving forward.

Other narcissists I encourage you give your experience w this too bc I have seen very diff ones!

-If you want to implement characters who are ableist towards the narcissist, some things I would do are:

Show the narcissists internal monologue after the trauma and put your main focus on their emotions, the ableist person’s actions second. The weight of their words will be shown more in the trauma response, less in the moment (although super important). Focus the context on the narc crash, anxiousness, surprise, grandiosity overcompensation, etc.

Have other characters defend the narcissist, preferably being other narcissists because we are the ones who understand each other the most and back each other up no matter what

Show the importance of proper education and lack of education

Ask yourself how this is relevant to the plot and your character/characters

-Ask yourself, why does/doesn't my character want to be redeemed? Is it a symptom or is it genuine? Do they want to do better but don't recognize it? Why don't they recognize it? What symptoms are holding them back from xyz (social connections, self care etc.).?

Examples of answers to these questions:

My character doesn't want to be redeemed because they are convinced they are justified in their actions. They genuinely believe they did the right thing and need time to get out of that mindset. What's stopping them from getting out of that mindset is the delusion they are stuck in. Working on their trauma triggers can help lessen the blow and onset of psychosis. If they recognize they are wrong, my character is the type of person to crash and have suicidal urges. There is a slow build up before the crash that spirals into madness. What may help is getting supply from their friends/partners reassuring them that recognizing their bad actions are a first step followed by praise for things outside of the situation to bring them back to a solid baseline or narc high.

My character has a hard time socializing because when having an episode of grandiosity, they feel like they are better than everyone and no one is at their level. In episodes of insecurity, they feel like they don't deserve friends because they feel worthless. This is followed by perfectionism and seeking unwanted friendships, only to self-destruct and hurt those around them. Their ego impacts everything they do.

-SHAMEEEE is one of the most important emotions (in my experience) to write about so pls make that an important part of how your character views themselves!

-I know I have been only focusing on negative aspects, but also do highlight the positive aspects. For me, NPD has motivated me to work on myself. It isn’t the healthiest way, but given my circumstance, it is the healthiest I can do right now. Even my most wild and delusional thoughts can lead to great opportunities for self improvement. Thinking I’ll become famous? Gave myself tools to work on my executive dysfunction and be consistent with a project I love. Narc highs are also absolutely incredible. Finding folks who understand me and receiving praise has kept me going. I genuinely feel listened to. Narcissists are some of the nicest people you will ever meet because they know what it feels like to hate themselves. No matter how little empathy some of us have, that doesn’t mean we can’t acknowledge one another (even if my symptoms make me feel so singular in my experiences/contradict the point of acknowledging others).

More info to represent different kinds of NPDers:

Some common comorbidities are:

Autism Spectrum

Bipolar Disorder

Schizophrenia Spectrum

DID/OSDD

All Cluster B Disorders

Eating Disorders and Addictions

So many of us are autistic. SO MANY. This small survey statistic doesn’t scratch the surface but it’s important to look at!

As an autistic person myself, I feel like a lot of the trauma I faced growing up highly contributed to the development of NPD. I was othered, shunned, invalidated and shamed for just existing. Still am. That made me overcompensate with erratic attempts to be wanted and loved and just acknowledged in any way possible. I want to be SEEN.

If anyone wants an in depth post sharing my experiences with bipolar disorder and NPD I will absolutely do so if asked too!

How NPD affects my gender itself, dysphoria and sexuality:

In my experience as a fat trans man, a lot of my dysphoria is rooted in narcissism, internalized fatphobia and internalized toxic masculinity. I want to be the ideal boyfriend that is praised for existing. My male privilege definitely contributes to that want and I can acknowledge and dislike that part of myself. I expect this certain level of respect for being a man without realizing it sometimes and make sure to hold myself accountable when doing so. My dysphoria makes me feel inferior to other men because I don't "pass" and I feel the need to compete against them. The insecurity is consuming me and I do my best to be aware if I cross any lines.

What I have noticed about gender and sexuality in NPDers is that a lot yall are aroace and nonbinary! Like based off of my survey alone and people I know!

I asked one of my mutuals if it wanted to share his experiences of being a POC with NPD and it agreed!! He wanted to stay anonymous (aka super duper awesomely cool and mysterious) so I’ll just be posting the ss of what he said!

I do not have much to say on the response from my mutual because I feel like what it said speaks for itself and because we've spoken in private about the topic already! If you want to write an Asian character with NPD, this is really useful information!!!! One day I will make a post elaborating on being a POC with NPD myself. But, for now, this will help you understand an experience from an Asian perspective.

I hope this post wasn't all over the place and makes sense, if you have any more questions please ask away!

[blimbo-buddy]

New pinned hell yeah

Hey I'm Blimbo/Blimmy/Bilbo/whatever other funny versions of the name you make up. 15+ highly recommended for viewing/following. Pedos/abuse romanticizers (proship or anti-anti or whatever else is included) fuck off.

18 years old and I use any pronouns

Yes I'm an adult but don't say nasty shit to me out of nowhere on here

A post compiling the various problems of the Warriors series from anti-indigenous writing to ableism

A lot of Warrior Cats stuff on this blog, but, this is just a general blog for whatever I feel like.

#1 Smudge Fan

I’m highly critical of my favorite media (Especially Warriors) so expect a lot of posts/reblogs about it

You can use any of my art for your pfp with credit, as long as it isn't my own characters.

If you need me to tag anything just send me an ask I don't mind

Don't be afraid to @ me in any post unless it is NSFW

I tag homophobic and transphobic slurs, yes even in those funny joke posts. This is to help any of my followers who may not want to see them

ID's for my artwork are IN THE ALT TEXT

Mutuals/Friends can dm me for my discord. I'm not super active on there right now but I wouldn't mind chatting at all

I'm also on ArtFight

Tags:

#blimbo rambles - Talking tag, this also includes Asks

#blimmy art - Art tag, everything from actual pieces to mspaint shitposts

#blimbo designing cats - Warriors design tag, all are F2U with credit (Please for the love of god don’t say/make anything weird or gross about/with my designs)

#bug world no mercy - Bug centered xenofiction story of multiple bug kingdoms #wandering whispers - A non-wc related story about murder mysteries, corruption, and the likes. Still a wip #untitled animal war story - Another story that follows the animals of an area that has been ravaged by war and a nuclear bomb and their attempts to rebuild everything from the ground up. Still a wip #blimbo's twolegplace culture - A collection of posts that go over my attempts at fleshing out the world and culture of the Twolegplaces alongside the history of the ones we see INDEFINITE HIATUS

#bugs - This is just my general bug tag. I do my best to content tag bugs like spiders

#xenofiction - Anything that contains anything non-human doing something human-like OR stories about non-human characters. I have a very scattered definition of xenofiction so anything can go really

Au tags below the cut

#kittypet/clan cat swap au - A minor au where the Kittypets/Loners/Rogues are swapped with the Clan Cats. The clans are now referred to as "Districts" and the other cats live in one big clan together.

#badger!dovewing au - DoveWing but she's a badger. Goes in detail with how the clans deal with it, she faces a lot of prejudice.

#false fire au - Hattie is kidnapped by Thunderclan as a replacement after FirePaw turns up dead. She is followed around by his ghost and uncovers the secrets of the entire ordeal.

#sasha and darkstripe au - DarkStripe survives the Bloodclan battle and is tasked by TigerStar to watch over his(Tiger's) children. But, he begins to grow a bond between Sasha, Tadpole, Moth, and Hawk. Note: This au delves into themes of abuse, generational trauma/abuse, trauma bonding, and trauma healing process.

#the forest blood au - Princess, Hattie, and Smudge all are apart of Bloodclan. It follows them after Bloodclan is defeated, LongTail, SandStorm, and OneWhisker are also apart of the au. Bloodclan is shown in a more positive light in this au.

#ivy-rock au - IvyPool becomes Rock's successor after she screams at Starclan that she wants them to see her as something, as something special.

[aspd-culture]

ASPD culture is being wary of other pwASPD because you know they might be more likely to do to you what you do to other people

(Is this internalized ableism? 💀 I’m like this with prosocials too because I project my intentions and things I’m capable of onto them but I know other ASPD can have a greater chance of actually doing so)

I wouldn’t call it internalized ableism if maybe a bit close to it? But it’s understandable and a symptom of the disorder to distrust people and feel nervous about getting hurt so it’s somewhat of a gray area, especially considering you also do that with prosocial people. If you’re not actively pushing that pwASPD are bad, dangerous people, but just avoiding them in your personal life (including online) for the sake of your mental health, then that’s okay in my eyes - even for non-disordered people. It’s okay in my opinion to say something isn’t inherently harmful but you need to avoid it for your health and comfort.

The point where it becomes problematic ableism imo is when you start pushing that concept to anyone else, mistreating other pwASPD for having it, and/or mistreating yourself because you have it. Beyond that, I think what you’re doing has reasonable rationale considering how the symptoms of ASPD fuel the fear and distrust of other people.

Cis men aren’t inherently harmful, but I’m wary of them and limit my interaction with new cis men because of my past experience and statistics leading me to conclude that I’m more at risk with them than trans people, nonbinary people, cis women, etc. No one in the PTSD community calls this unreasonable, and I’d put the mindset you describe in a similar box although not exactly the same.

I wouldn’t worry about the things you do privately to keep yourself safe as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. It’s one of those symptoms that I think it’s more unhealthy to try and force yourself to unlearn because you’re just going to feel anxious and distressed and might end up being more ableist directly to pwASPD if you force it. Unlearning symptoms of a disorder that cannot be cured is about making them less harmful to yourself and others, so doing that for a symptom that’s causing isn’t beneficial and is just taking away time you could be using to unlearn any harmful symptoms you might struggle with - plus getting in the way of you just surviving with a PD which is hard enough. If you feel you can try to unlearn it at some point without it damaging your mental health, then yeah it’d be worth doing.

This is all just my opinion, but personally it doesn’t bother me if someone isn’t comfortable around me based on my PD as long as they don’t spread that idea or make it my problem.

Plain text below the cut:

I wouldn’t call it internalized ableism if maybe a bit close to it? But it’s understandable and a symptom of the disorder to distrust people and feel nervous about getting hurt so it’s somewhat of a gray area, especially considering you also do that with prosocial people. If you’re not actively pushing that pwASPD are bad, dangerous people, but just avoiding them in your personal life (including online) for the sake of your mental health, then that’s okay in my eyes - even for non-disordered people. It’s okay in my opinion to say something isn’t inherently harmful but you need to avoid it for your health and comfort.

The point where it becomes problematic ableism imo is when you start pushing that concept to anyone else, mistreating other pwASPD for having it, and/or mistreating yourself because you have it. Beyond that, I think what you’re doing has reasonable rationale considering how the symptoms of ASPD fuel the fear and distrust of other people.

Cis men aren’t inherently harmful, but I’m wary of them and limit my interaction with new cis men because of my past experience and statistics leading me to conclude that I’m more at risk with them than trans people, nonbinary people, cis women, etc. No one in the PTSD community calls this unreasonable, and I’d put the mindset you describe in a similar box although not exactly the same.

I wouldn’t worry about the things you do privately to keep yourself safe as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. It’s one of those symptoms that I think it’s more unhealthy to try and force yourself to unlearn because you’re just going to feel anxious and distressed and might end up being more ableist directly to pwASPD if you force it. Unlearning symptoms of a disorder that cannot be cured is about making them less harmful to yourself and others, so doing that for a symptom that’s causing isn’t beneficial and is just taking away time you could be using to unlearn any harmful symptoms you might struggle with - plus getting in the way of you just surviving with a PD which is hard enough. If you feel you can try to unlearn it at some point without it damaging your mental health, then yeah it’d be worth doing.

This is all just my opinion, but personally it doesn’t bother me if someone isn’t comfortable around me based on my PD as long as they don’t spread that idea or make it my problem.

[yupuffin]

I'd like able-bodied cosplayers to understand that when I say I adapt costume designs to my disability by reducing complexity during construction (namely for Genshin Impact, my current hyperfixation, which is also notorious for needlessly detailed costumes), I'm not simply skipping details because I feel like it* or "cutting corners" because I'm lazy.

It's like that one time a few years ago when I was on the second-to-last day of a sea kayaking trip with a group of other students from my college. Stick with me for this metaphor.

It was a ten-day-long trip, so we'd only packed what we could all fit on our kayaks, including food. Since we were nine days in, we were getting to the end of our food supplies--though, with our return to populated areas, we were able to make a grocery stop for ingredients for our final dinner of the trip, which would be a vegetable stir-fry.

We had $20 in the budget to buy ingredients for a meal to feed over a dozen people.

VOCALOID is one of my special interests, so the first words out of my mouth, without much consideration behind them, were "green onions."

In response, one of the guides wondered aloud, "Do green onions really add anything to a stir-fry?"

Don't get me wrong, I'll add green onions to any stir-fry given the opportunity; they do add that vaguely spicy-sweet kick that complements other flavors really well. So it's not like they don't add anything.

However, given our limited budget, in contrast to the size of the meal we had to make, it didn't make sense to spend a significant portion of our money on an ingredient that would function primarily as a garnish--something that serves mostly to enhance flavor; IIRC we ended up buying things like carrots and green peppers, which would instead add the substance we needed to make enough food for everyone.

With a disability that affects my motor control, constructing cosplays above a certain level of detail/complexity is like putting together a large meal on budget constraints--because I can only spend so long on a costume before I get burnt out, and every piece of fine detailing I add takes increasingly more time, just as every ingredient you add to a stir-fry takes increasingly more money.

So when I'm planning construction for a cosplay, it's like looking in the produce aisle of a grocery store and deciding what to spend $20 on. Metaphorically speaking, I'm going to want to prioritize details that add "substance," rather than those that function merely as a "garnish."

I have to look at every detail on the costume, think through how I would construct it--often multiple times, to ensure I'm using the optimal techniques--and consciously decide: What does this detail add to the costume? How much of my limited time and focus is it going to take? How well can I reliably replicate it given my disability? Considering all of these factors, does including this detail justify its contribution to the completed piece?

It's its own form of strategizing and problem-solving. I'm not doing it solely to make my life easier--I'm doing it because my disability effectively puts me on a sort of non-monetary budget and I have to optimize how I'm going to utilize that budget (on top of financially budgeting!).

Competitions, including cosplay competitions, are equal, not fair, so there's no way to completely remove ableism from cosplay judging. As you might say, judges gonna judge. They're just doing their job, and they get to make the final decisions in terms of scoring and placements, so I'm not going to pretend that I can influence the opinion of every cosplay judge out there with my metaphor.

Still, going forward, I'd like to see increased awareness of ableism in the cosplay environment--specifically, saving the judgment for the competition, and even then, realizing that a simple numerical score can never encapsulate the full nuance of any given cosplayer's experience with the construction of their piece; any number of factors you might initially think are conscious decisions on a cosplayer's part are actually responses to factors completely beyond their control, like dis/ability, budget, access to tools and materials, and other forms of privilege.

*Even if I am skipping details just because I feel like it, it's because I'd rather have a completed costume I can enjoy than get so frustrated and hung up on it that it makes me want to quit cosplay altogether. I resent that crunching and causing ourselves so many negative emotions over building a costume that just has to be perfect is so normalized that, from my experience, it's effectively a requirement for competitive cosplayers.

[notalotjust4ever]

Welcome to my blog! 🎀

REQUESTS

WHAT I WILL WRITE FOR

No x Reader im sorry lovelies</3

TWILIGHT

Jasper Hale X Alice Cullen (ROMANTIC ONLY)

Bella Swan X Edward Cullen (PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC)

Rosalie Hale X Emmet Cullen (ROMANTIC ONLY)

Carlisle Cullen X Esme Cullen (ROMANTIC ONLY)

Renesmee + Any of the Cullens/ EX: Renesmee + Rosalie (PLATONIC ONLY)

Any of the Cullens + Any of the Cullens/ EX: Jasper + Rosalie (PLATONIC ONLY)

Any of the Cullen’s + Bella/ EX: Bella + Emmet (PLATONIC ONLY)

SPIDERMAN (RAIMIVERSE)

Harry Osborn X Peter Parker (PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC)

Mary Jane X Harry Osborn (PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC)

Mary Jane X Harry Osborn X Peter Parker (PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC)

⋰˚☆ ⋰˚☆ ⋰˚☆ ⋰˚☆ ⋰˚☆ ⋰˚☆ ⋰˚

A GUIDE TO MY ASKS

WHAT I WILL 🚫NOT WRITE

Bathroom kInks (Pi$$/ Vomit/ Sc@t/ EprOctO/ EructO)🚫

KInks I am personally not into (Foot kInk, Feeder!sm/ WG kInk, vOre, InflatiOn)🚫

Necro🚫

Sexualized age regression🚫

!ncest/ !ncest play🚫

Su!cide/ Self-Harm, I will write suicidal thoughts or a character in recovery from self-harm but not somebody in the process of doing harm to their body or taking their life!!

R@pe, Non-Con, Dub-Con, or Consented Non-Con🚫

NSFW about any character under 18+ (Renesmee) 🚫

Anything I deem too toxic or aggressive, abuse, extreme yandere, violent NSFW🚫

Extremely violent and detailed murd3r, body horror, gor3🚫

Kn!fes in the bedroom🚫

Threat RP🚫

Any text that encourages an ED, I will write characters suffering from an ED/in recovery from an ED, but no pro-@na/ED propaganda🚫

Major character death🚫

Extreme angst🚫

Racism🚫

Any other POV than 3rd person (just a personal preference!) 🚫

Character X Reader (also personal preference!)🚫

WHAT I ✅WILL ✅WRITE

Characters with a disability or chronic illness! I'm actually so happy to write these, as a person with a chronic illness I believe representation is important in all forms (yes even fan-fiction). These requests might take a bit longer though just because I would like to do my research so I can portray the disability/ chronic illness correctly.✅

Neurodivergent Characters! (Written by neurodivergent author:D) ✅

Characters who you head canon as not cis! I also have my personal headcannons and not all of them line up with the canon so of course will be happy to write any character as trans (MTF/FTM), Non-binary, or gender fluid:) gender is beautiful folks!✅

Mild yandere behavior✅

Slightly suggestive works (WILL HAVE A WARNING) ✅

Smut (WILL HAVE A WARNING) ✅

K!nk (this changes in a case to case bases but chances are I will say yes more than I say no EXCEPT if it is one of the k!nks in the no-no area (WILL HAVE A WARNING) ✅

A character struggling with bullying or ableism✅

•Fluff✅

•Hurt Comfort (PLEASE PLEEK I LOVE HURT COMFORT ITS MY BABA)✅

Light angst✅

Active ED recovery!✅

Headcannons✅

GENERAL RULES AND TIPS FOR ASKS

Please do not interact with my NSFW posts if you are not 18+, it is more comfortable for both of us.

Don’t be afraid to talk to me! Ask me about my day, what I had for lunch, headcannons, whether I think Jasper would still love Alice if she was a worm LITTERALLY WHATEVA🎀 I’m here to talk to y’all and share my silly thoughts!

Please be specific with your requests! I don’t want to get something wrong plus it just makes for a better story!

I will not write your request or answer if you are being rude/ impatient, I have a life outside of Tumblr too<3

Please don’t ask me any personal questions that will risk my safety or security, I will not reply.

Please remember I am not perfect, I might not get to your request right away, I might get something wrong, be forgiving with me.

Please don’t fill my ask box with character hate.

If I refuse an ask just remember it’s not anything personal, I just didn’t feel comfortable writing what you requested.

Have fun! This is a safe space where you will find there is no place for judgement or haters!

RP

WHO I WILL RP FOR⋆.*ೃ✧

DM’s are always open for RP

୭̥°⋰˚ ALICE CULLEN ୭̥°⋰˚

✦°．• JAPSER HALE ✦°．•

•ू♡ HARRY OSBORN •ू♡

ೃ•୭ ೃ•୭ ೃ•୭ ೃ•୭ ೃ•୭ ೃ•୭ ೃ•୭

GENERAL RULES AND TIPS FOR ASKS

Please do not reach out unless you are 18+, I’m sorry I’m just not comfortable doing an RP with a minor.

The rules for RP are the same as my writing rules as it goes for do’s and don’ts so check it out above!

I only RP in advanced literate style. Check out the RP styles here⬇️

Please be understanding, I will probably not reply right any especially not on a week day as I have a job and hobbies🎀

If I refuse an RP please remember it’s not anything personal, I just didn’t feel comfortable doing the RP you purposed.

Please do not vent to me in my DM’s, I will not reply to keep my own peace.

THIS INTRO IS TEMPORARY UNTIL I GET THINGS MORE ORGANIZED ON THIS BLOG WITH MASTERLISTS🩰

Thank you🎀

[selectivechaos]

alt. communication in relation to situational mutism.

🌹🌹there is a reason that all thoughout school i never used any of these forms of communication. i just Struggled.

partly because:

was never offered to me,

did not know it existed, (can we talk about that? this shit i needed, and didn’t know it existed.)

saw speech as the only option; as a test i had failed, and therefore was doomed just to either keep yelling at myself in my head to speak (something i did for several years), or just give up

was led to believe that my inability was a defiance or rudeness, or that i secretly didn’t want to speak.

and that if i tried enough i would be able to speak.

low self worth and internalised ableism: didn’t see it as worth anyone’s time or attention.

social anxiety meant couldn’t communicate at all; couldn’t be seen as Attempting to communicate, because it would mean more pressure to speak.

so by ‘scared’ i don’t mean i chose not to use things that were available to me; i mean i was never offered them, and it would have been impossible to use them.

(am out of school now and can use tts sometimes around people i live with!)🌹🌹

long post

wanted to talk about this. lot of people just assume that because can’t speak, will automatically be able to communicate in other ways. that i will have found an alternative. but my sm makes these hard or impossible too a lot of the time.

🌹text to speech

pros: alleviates voice dysphoria. helps with fear of how voice will sound (especially with anxiety making it harder to control: my voice is hard to go above certain volume, often inaudible, and can come out higher pitched or in squeaks). with standardised ways of pronouncing a given word, i can learn what to expect and control how my voice sounds.

cons: the vocality. can’t fucking make sounds. still My voice making my words heard. scared it will come out too loud or too quiet. scared i will accidentally up the volume. embarrassed when it reads out typos. hard to control.

there is a reason i never used text to speech throughout school. would Not have been able to. all vocality was difficult or impossible. coughed, sneezed, laughed Silently.

also: did not even know it existed.

🌹 communication cards

pros: pre-written messages. words from outside the context of the social situation. sure they are taken and applied to the situation, but it feels more indirect.

cons: anxious so can’t hold them up, can’t make the physical movement. get embarrassed by them (even though i shouldn’t; my anxiety is irrational).

🌹 notes app.

pros: more flexibility than communication cards. give more specific replies to clarify my intentions. in my area, use of notes app is more normative than comm cards, so less social anxiety.

cons: typos, small text. have to choose the specific words i want to say. and that means that it is very direct, almost like a conversation. and because people can see me typing, they ask more follow-up questions, clarifications, and more specific things which = pressure to speak. makes it harder to type anything.

also: this is inspired by this post, which has notes with a lot of ppl talking about how their sm affects communication.

[comfy-whumpee]

Unbroken

Whumptober 5, "It's broken." Referenced ableism.

Ellis is back! For comf this time. @bloodybrambles, @wildfaewhump, @lektric-whump, @that-one-thespian, @raigash, @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi, @rosesareviolentlyread, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog, @burtlederp, @mylifeisonthebookshelf

-

Iz gets to her feet as he steps out of the treatment room. He's looking a little flustered, but not in a bad way, and he's got printouts. She'd sat outside, letting him go in and face the appointment alone with the promise she was right there if he wanted her. One of the things she tried to do for him: assume Ellis can do something independently, but make sure he knows how to get help.

She wishes she'd been there to listen and memorise the conversation. But maybe that's why the printouts are in his hands.

She draws his attention gently, joining to move alongside him. "Hey, boo. You good?"

"I'm good," he agrees absently. She takes his elbow to steer him around a waiting room chair as they head for the exit. He's reading his printout.

She glances at the header. HIP AND KNEE EXERCISES.

Fucking finally. It had taken long enough to get him to the appointment. He was so used to the way his knee acted, and it had taken way too much persuasion that there were still things that could be done for it. Typical Ellis, ready to just accept pain forever.

They step outside into the sun. He looks up at that. It's still something he takes in with deliberate enjoyment. Outdoors. Fresh air. Sunlight.

She steers him clear of the smoking area, but he's paying attention now, and heads over to her bike without nudging.

"Straight home or out somewhere?" she asks him, passing him her spare helmet.

He looks down at it in his hands. He thinks. There isn't anyone at home, so it's not like he has to get back for anyone. They could go anywhere and do anything. Iz never really got over that realisation, once she turned 16 and nobody was going to call her folks for her not showing up to school. She could just get on her bike and go anywhere. It wasn't a motorbike back then, but the idea was the same. Nobody would know or worry, as long as she came back.

"Home," he says. He's not like her. He's had a tiring meeting with the doctor and he wants some rest.

"You got it." She blows him a kiss and he climbs on behind her, arms looping snug around her waist. It settles something for her to feel him there, tucked against her back. He rests his cheek between her shoulder blades. Safe.

The ride is pretty quick, and she keeps a steady pace so he doesn't get nervous. He's still getting used to riding with her, and she's wary of startling him with sudden acceleration or loud revs. One day, she hopes he'll get to enjoy a proper fast ride with her, but not while he's still jumpy. She just gets to enjoy him hugging her the whole way.

When they pull up, he takes off his helmet straight away, and of course his hair looks totally unaffected. She knows she's got the squashed helmet look, but it doesn't make any damn difference when his hair is just flat and long anyway. He doesn't exactly shake his locks out like an 80s babe, but it's enough to catch her eye for a minute as she's meant to be locking up.

Then he's heading to his front door, and all she has to do is follow.

She finally gets all the info out of him when they're sat down. He pulls the printouts from his bag and looks them over again, with her reading over his shoulder unabashedly.

It's all physio exercises, which isn't that surprising. So she asks, "What did the doc say?"

"I have to do these every day," he flips through the sheets. The bald figure-man who demonstrates the exercises looks hilariously deadpan about waving his legs like windscreen wipers. "And the want to do an x-ray and maybe get me a cane."

"Oh, a cane makes sense," she says, instead of focusing on the fucking x-ray they want to do. They really think it's fucked up if they're doing that. Rozen said once that they thought he'd have to have surgery, but Iz had shrugged it off as pessimism. Maybe they would have to put it back together.

"I guess," he murmurs.

"I know a couple people our age with 'em," she says, guessing at his uncertainty. "My mate with EDS brings hers out when she's having a flare-up, like the pain is extra bad. It just makes things a bit less exhausting, right? And I know a guy, back at uni, I think he couldn't stand up for long periods so the cane helped with that. I think that was it anyway, I didn't ask."

He listens to her but he doesn't reply. She wants to keep going, but she leans back again, letting him stew. He needs the time. She's got it. She knows.

Nic's the same, actually. Digging deep takes them a minute. But Ellis doesn't even have to go deep; anything but the top layer is hard. Having depths was banned.

When she thinks she's given him long enough, she offers a nudge. "What's on your mind?"

"It makes me worry," he admits. He doesn't play around at not having thoughts anymore, not with her. "People will ask what's wrong. I don't know what to say. I can't say it's broken, because it's not, but maybe it is?"

"You say 'mind your own'." It's not very Ellis to say it that way, she has to admit, but her first instinct is honest bluntness. She tries to adjust to how he might be approaching it. "You don't owe anyone your life. You can have things you keep to yourself and tell people to butt out. Especially medical stuff."

He leans against her, which she calls a win. "I'll try."

She picks up his spare hand. They've never named what they are, and she's pretty much cool with that, but sometimes she thinks it would be nice to know. It would be nice to call herself something. Call him her something. But if he doesn't want those labels, she gets it. He's had enough of being someone else's.

He relaxes against her, and that's enough. When she takes the papers and leans back to read them more closely, he shifts to stay with her, eyes drifting shut. She'll take him to his other appointments, too. To the hospital, to the physio, to get his cane and whatever else. It's gonna be a while before his stamina builds up. He needs the ride and he needs someone there with him, and she just wants to be around him.

She reads through the exercises. They're not so different to what she does at the gym. She'll do them with him, if she's around at the time he picks. It'll be like normalising it, she thinks, if they're both just doing it together.

If he naps, he drops into it so quietly she doesn't hear it. But after a while she switches back to her phone, writing an update text to Nic for when they're on their break. Then she's scrolling while Ellis rests.

Nic messages back just after one o'clock. Good that he got through it alone. Will look at the exercises. Imagining him with stickers on a cane in the future.

He's napping on me now, Iz returns. Will shop for sticker packs.

Napping on you? Think he knows you're touch starved? ;P

Shut.

She tosses the phone down. Stares at the wall. Watches Ellis from the corner of her eye. Picks the phone up again.

What are we tho???

Ask him!

His tiny breathing snuffles are so cute. She almost wishes that asshole was still around so she could take her crowbar to his knees. See how he likes it.

She's not gonna wake him up just to fix her insecurities. She'll try to get into a paper she's been meaning to read. Elliptical galaxies aren't going to understand themselves.

She wonders if anyone has ever counted the freckles on his hands.

She wonders if he'd be like this to anyone who was nice to him.

She pulls up her PDF and reads.

[drdemonprince]

What are your thoughts on tiktok / social media pathologizing extremely common human behaviors as autistic behaviors? (i.e., every regular interest is a hyperfixation, disliking small talk, introversion is synonymous with autism).

I'm all for self-diagnosis/self-realization, but the tiktoks that get circulated the most are the most generic, watered-down "definitions" of autism, and some are just complete disinformation. They don't mention the sensory issues, body/spatial issues, trauma from years of social rejection/pain and discomfort not being taken seriously. It feels like people want to claim generic autistic "traits" but at the same time are repulsed by the idea of ever identifying with autistic people (i.e. "you can't headcanon Wednesday Adams as autistic because I relate to her!").

But all this autism lip service hasn't transIated in increased services or support for autistic adults (at least in my area). I've still had to explain my autistic behaviors to therapists because they don't know.

Is there a path forward in all this towards true autism acceptance? Am I missing something, and these are the fledgling first steps in autistic and disabled liberation?? I want to be hopeful, but tiktok just makes me cynical 😩

Yeah, it worries me, largely because of the shoddy logic of "many Autistic people do X" being interpreted as "X is an Autistic Thing!" when really all human behaviors are multiply determined by a variety of variables, including in Autistic people. It also betrays a complete misunderstanding of what diagnostic categories are for -- insurance billing purposes and summaries of what traits tend to cluster together -- casting them as a causative explanation rather than merely an attempt at description (that is often quite flawed).

I also hate this phenomenon and a lot of the discourse surrounding it because I am one of the few Autistic self-advocates to argue that yes, neuro-conforming people actually are correct when they say "everybody is a little Autistic". They might say things like that and blur the lines between disabled and non disabled for the purpose of defending their own worldviews and not having to take ableism seriously, but they are right -- every trait that is described as an Autistic trait, or an ADHDer trait, or whatever does exist within the neuroconforming population, and all these traits exist on continuums and ableist norms of behavior, thought, and feeling actually do harm and pathologize everyone to varying amounts.

So in short i wish that instead of going "oh I experience xyz unpleasant experience, and that's an ADHDer thing, ergo I must be an ADHDer and need to be treated for it!" (or any other category) people would be capable of saying "Oh, it really sucks for ADHDers to be subjected to this experience, and I know how that experience feels too, so we should all fight together to change it!"

I firmly believe that anyone can align themselves with the neurodiversity movement and identify as belonging within our community, because neurotypicality is not real, it's a false standard of behavior nobody can wholly live up to, so in that sense a ton of people self realizing as disabled is totally fine by me. The problem is, people seem to all be self pathologizing instead of realizing they are in a very large and broad marginalized coalition that needs systemic justice.

[neon-moon-beam]

I've lost any interest in Submas because of what the fanbase did to Volo, stripped him of all his redeeming qualities to turn him into a Ghetsis clone. And yet no matter how many times I see it, my heart inwardly screams "LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY".

Oh my god yes. Volo has been done dirty so badly by the Submas fandom and other people who enjoy him to the point of it being the default.

Volo is a fairly complex character. He can’t be reduced to “unhinged and will hurt people when given the chance lol” or whatever else the fandom likes to do all for the sake of making things angstier, especially when it comes to Submas. In-game, he’s in more of a grey area and comes off as a character with issues having a bad moment, not an overall bad person. I'd put him somewhere around the same level as Archie and Maxie in terms of how much of a villain he is:

-Not entirely a bad guy, just bad ideas, bad solutions to problems (that might only be a personal problem for him or a select few, we know he had a rough life but we aren’t told how or why, but it has created his entire worldview and motivation)

-Might not have actually followed through with his plan anyway (he does have things he genuinely cares about, and say what you will about salty and rude Togepis in Hisui but he had high enough friendship with one to get a Togekiss)

-His feelings of being wronged in life and wanting to hold someone or something accountable, get answers, maybe an apology or to make things right is a fairly common human experience. He just lives in a world with magical monsters where confronting one with the ability to instantly change things is a definite possibility.

-Unlikely Arceus would have listened to him, Giratina did not want to listen to him (and Giratina is the failsafe when Dialga and Palkia are out of commission), so even though he appeared to have the means to reshape the world, he really did not

-Accepted the player character defeated him, stopped antagonizing, and probably left Hisui to sort out his issues

-Also is NOT responsible for Ingo being in Hisui (I did make a huge in-depth post about how he could have gotten there, and the evidence does NOT stack up in favor of Volo being the cause)

Sometimes it feels like people didn’t interact with PLA in any capacity and just go with whatever the fandom says about these characters, or else just don’t care about canon whatsoever, and that can be really alienating to other fans. Especially when other fans do like the canon characterization and all they can find is ooc depictions, bad takes, and anything else where it's essentially Volo in appearance only.

I know some people have said they never want to see Volo interact with Submas ever again, and I agree. Cr*zytr*inshipping and tr*inwr*ckshipping are built on ableism, the idea that mental illness is “scary”, and grossly mischaracterizing Volo, and at least Emmet (not sure about Ingo because I refuse to bother with content containing these ships or even interactions between these characters).

Volo deserves so much better. I’m sorry fandom spaces are not kind to him.

[montammil]

i'm a real sucker for all this. i have a little writing request if those r still open too!

can we mayhaps see lawrence taking marshall on a shopping trip? maybe marshall gets lost in a crowd somehow, or manages to slip away from lawrence :0? take that what you will! and thank u so very much for sharing these wonderful stories <3!!

Here you go, thank you so much for your patience XD

CW: Parental whumper, failed escape attempt, infantilizing behavior, kidnapping, panic attacks, ableism (not really but just in case), manipulative behavior, implied violence, parental issues, past homelessness

...

When Marshall woke up that morning to hear Lawrence wanted to take him to the mall, he was shocked. He has been trying his hardest to go along with everything Lawrence has said, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't care about him at all, but he definitely didn't expect him to take him to the mall.

Marshall fiddles with the sleeve of his hoodie in the car. He wonders if Lawrence has ulterior motives here, since this is their first actual public setting he'd be taking him to. He doesn't know if he'd run if he got the chance since... where else would he go? On the streets again?

No... he's sure his parents would take pity on him and let him live with them again, but he didn't want that, either. He didn't want to go back to being judged for everything, to go back to being yelled at and ridiculed.

A voice catches him off-guard, making him wince. He looks over at Lawrence who's staring at him. "Uh, did you say something?"

Lawrence nods. "I asked if you were okay."

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Marshall replies. "I'm just... I dunno, nervous."

"Of the mall?"

"Yeah, it's just that... what if people recognize me from the news?"

"That won't happen, bud," Lawrence says. He grabs some glasses with thick frames and hands them to Marshall. "These'll help. Try them on."

Marshall does, and he's surprised when he sees himself in the mirror. He doesn't look like himself. It's been at least four months since his disappearance so he's sure no one's looking for him as much anymore, but he still does have a slight hope. His mind is constantly fighting with itself between wanting freedom and wanting to be with Lawrence, so he doesn't really know what to do with himself.

In all honesty, he feels guilty for wanting both things. He feels guilty for wanting to leave, almost feeling like if he did, he'd be betraying Lawrence, but to want to give into Lawrence's delusion makes him feel more humiliated than anything. He wishes he could just have a break from everything and everything could just be okay.

Lawrence puts his hand on Marshall's head and ruffles his hair, making Marshall flinch and look over at him.

"We'll be fine, kiddo," Lawrence says. "And I don't want you to worry about anything. If anyone asks about you, I'll tell them I'm your dad, okay? And if anyone asks, your name is Isaac Keyes." He gave him a fake ID.

Looking down at the fake ID with wide eyes, Marshall asked, "How long ago did you plan for this?"

"Not long ago," Lawrence replies. "Just a couple days ago, actually. Anyway, let's get going. Maybe after I get what I need, we can stop by the food court. Would you like that?"

"Y-yeah, sure," Marshall replies, but he doesn't feel as enthusiastic as he wants to be.

"Great," Lawrence says. "Let's go."

As they walk through the mall, Marshall keeps his head down and walks slowly behind Lawrence, not wanting to draw attention to himself. He glances around the area as he follows Lawrence to a store he knows he won't like, and he's proven right when he sees the first thing in the store is a pair of jeans. Ugh.

"Get something you like," Lawrence tells him as he goes over to look at the men's jackets.

Great. Marshall looks around, none of this stuff meeting his criteria for things he likes. He's a little shocked Lawrence would let him choose anything here, given none of it is really that childish. He awkwardly shuffles through the racks, keeping his head down, and finds himself picking up a hoodie with a print of a snake on it.

It isn't cute or childish, it looks genuinely cool. Marshall smiles to himself, knowing as soon as he gets it, he'll be quick to replace it with this pastel hoodie with the bunny print on it.

Marshall glances over when he hears Lawrence's voice. He sees him talking to the cashier about something, they seem all friendly with each other, so he assumes they know each other. Because of course they do. Marshall can hardly go anywhere where Lawrence doesn't know someone.

They seem pretty invested in their conversation. Marshall looks out the store. It isn't extremely crowded, but there are some people here and there. He feels a hint of jealousy when he sees the millionth group of friends pass by the store, laughing and having fun, just hanging out together. He hasn't been able to do that in so long, he just misses it.

He wonders if he got out of here... could he manage to turn his life around? Would he even be able to find a job? He knows he wouldn't be able to do anything that would pay much.

Marshall spares one more glance towards Lawrence. He's still talking to the cashier. He puts the hoodie back on the hanger and takes a step back. And another step. And another step.

Through it all, he expects Lawrence to look his way, to notice him inching towards the exit of the store. But he doesn't. He doesn't even look his way.

His hand shakes as he slowly backs away from the store. He stops when he gets to the doorway. He can't believe he's actually doing this. Is he? He kind of hopes Lawrence will stop him, but he doesn't. He takes one more step, and when he's in the hall of the mall, he darts right.

Marshall trips over his own feet as he makes his way to the stairs to go down a level, to get out of here, maybe find help. He knows he has to be quick about this before Lawrence catches him, but he can't help but slow down to look at all the stores and the people walking around. He looks for someone who can help him, but he's afraid no one will believe him.

He picks up his speed again once he's out of the crowd of people, heading right towards the exit of the mall.

There's no going back.

It's too late to think about what he's doing, to think about what Lawrence would do to him if he got caught. The memories of being stabbed and left in the cold, lonely basement keep him from returning back to him. He shakes his head to get rid of the thoughts, but it doesn't work.

He's already almost at the exit of the mall. The exit doors are right there. All he has to do is walk through them. He looks behind him, as to see if Lawrence is in sight, but he isn't. He's starting to have a panic attack, he can feel it. Maybe he already is, judging by all the weird looks he's getting.

"Are you okay?" A security guard, wearing a worried expression, puts a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. Just breathe... there you go. What's going on? Are you hurt?"

She's talking to him like he's a child. Marshall cries at that realization, because he knows he looks like one right now. He shakes his head, choking out, "Lawrence."

"Lawrence?" She furrows her brow, still keeping a hand on his shoulder. "Who's Lawrence? Is he your guardian? Do you know where he is?"

He tries to explain that he kidnapped him, but he's breathing so heavily he's sure he's hyperventilating. Should he tell her? He doesn't want Lawrence to get in trouble... no, wait, he does. He kidnapped him. So why is he finding it so hard to tell her the truth?

The woman shakes her head, then says, "Okay, look, I need you to calm down. Just take deep breaths, okay? Do you have asthma?" When Marshall shakes his head, she helps him up. "Come on, I'll take you to the security office."

He tries to tell her no, he doesn't want to go to the security office, he wants to go home. But his voice is shaking so much he's afraid he won't be able to be understood, so he follows her anyway. At least if Lawrence comes, she'll protect him.

When they get there, she helps him sit down, and he rests his head in his hands as he tries to calm down. She's saying something to him, but he can't make out what.

He manages to say, "Lawrence-- Lawrence, he... he..."

"What did he do? Did he hurt you?" She grabs a phone.

Just as he's about to tell her what happened, what's been happening, he hears a familiar voice that makes his face pale.

"Oh, Isaac! Are you okay!? I've been looking everywhere for you, you worried me sick!" Lawrence rushes in and kneels down, cupping Marshall's face. "What happened?! Are you hurt!?"

"Sir, I need you to calm down," the woman says. "We're trying to talk, can you wait outside the office?"

He looks up at her, Marshall can see a hint of anger in his eyes before he sighs. "Look, Isaac has many mental issues, this isn't the first time this has happened. I'm his father, look." He gives her his ID, then grabs Marshall's from his pocket.

"Charlie Keyes," she reads, giving him a look of suspicion. "Listen, sir, I'm not doubting your words are true, but you need to understand that there are certain protocols I have to go through before I can take this further. Please wait outside the office for a moment."

Through it all, Marshall wants to interject, but he doesn't. He opens his mouth, but Lawrence squeezes his shoulder tight as if warning him to shut up.

"Mr. Keyes, it's not that your his father I'm doubtful of, it's--"

"I know, you think I'm abusing him. Call Glenn, I know him, he can tell you this isn't the first time this has happened. I have all of Isaac's medical information saved on my phone, Glenn can validate that for you."

She seems hesitant, but she nods and takes out her phone. "If you don't mind waiting a few minutes, I'll give him a call."

"I'm sorry for the hassle," Lawrence says with a smile. "Thank you for helping him, I'm just glad he's okay."

The woman smiles back and nods before standing up and leaving the room.

Lawrence knows if she ends up calling the police, he can just make up more false evidence. Since she's still within earshot, he coos to Marshall, "Oh, Isaac, honey, this is the fourth time this month. Maybe we should get you on stronger meds, hmm?" His smile, which can be mistaken for caring and sweet, is really just mocking and taunting. In a quieter voice, Lawrence says in his ear, "If you don't go along with everything I say, it won't end in your favor."

Marshall knows it won't end in his favor either way.

Lawrence is the one in control of their situation. He always has been.

Eventually the woman comes back in and apologizes for the inconvenience, then she leaves them. "I'm sorry for the wait," she says. "You're free to go. Again, I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

"No problem," Lawrence replies. "As said, this isn't the first time this happened. Come on, kiddo, let's go home." He helps Marshall stand up and leads him out of the security office.

As they leave the mall, Marshall glances back and sees the woman watching them leave. He wants to say something, especially because he knows what's coming for him as soon as he gets back to the hellhole Lawrence calls their home, but he doesn't. He keeps quiet and lets himself be dragged through the parking lot.

As soon as they get in the car, Lawrence looks over at Marshall. He looks pissed. Marshall looks away.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was, Marshall?" Lawrence scolds him. "You can't just take off like that! What if something happened to you!? You could have been hurt! I trusted you to come with me because I thought you learnt your lesson from last time, but apparently you haven't!"

Marshall shrinks back in his seat, staring at his lap. He can hear his heart beating loudly in his ears. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what he would say if he did.

"I told you I wouldn't hesitate to punish you if you ever disobeyed me again," Lawrence says. "Do you remember what happened last time? Do you want to relive that?"

Tears roll down Marshall's eyes as he shakes his head. He wants to say he's sorry, that he won't do it again, that he'll be good, but the words get caught in his throat. It seems the pathetic display of tears has helped Lawrence to ease up a little bit, because his tone softens.

"Oh, sweetie," Lawrence sighs. "I know you don't mean to disobey me. I just wish you understood that I only want what's best for you. It's hard to help you when you refuse to listen."

"I'm sorry," Marshall manages to choke out. "I won't do it again."

"That's what you always say," Lawrence replies. "And yet here we are again. Maybe I need to come up with a better punishment for you."

"No, no, no, please, no more," Marshall pleads. He can't stand the thought of going through that again.

"You know how this works, Marshie. You've got to learn your lesson or you won't learn anything."

Marshall whimpers and hangs his head. He knows there's nothing he can say to Lawrence to change his mind. He's been through this too many times to try again.

"Oh, kiddo," Lawrence says softly, "Don't cry, please don't cry." He pulls Marshall into his arms, holding him close. It's an uncomfortable position since Marshall can feel the center console digging into his stomach.

Lawrence continues to coo at him as he holds him in his arms, rubbing his back, brushing his hair out of his face. His voice is so soothing and calming, it's almost as if Marshall can forget how dangerous he is. Almost.

"I know you think I'm a monster," Lawrence says, "but you must understand how much I care for you. You're my little boy. I know I'm protective, overprotective, even, but...." He squeezes Marshall so tight he winces. "I only want the best for you. Where would you go to if you left? Not only would you leave your dear old dad heartbroken, but you'd be homeless and alone on the streets again. You wouldn't know how to get by without me, you wouldn't have any money to survive. Is that really what you want?"

Marshall shakes his head.

"I didn't think so. So you have to understand why I'm so protective of you. I can't risk losing you." Lawrence kisses his temple. "You're my world."

Marshall keeps his head down and tries not to think about what Lawrence just said. He tries not to think about how his heart skipped a beat at that comment. He craves to hear those words, but not by Lawrence. Not from this monster.

When they get back home, Marshall is convinced Lawrence will let it slide since he seems much more calm now. That is, until Lawrence tells him to follow him to the basement. He doesn't have any strength to fight him anymore, so he follows him obediently, trying to hold back tears as he goes down the stairs.

"So!" Lawrence claps his hands together as he shuts the door behind them. "Now that that's over with, lets talk about your punishment."

[xxcherrycherixx]

Never seen she-ra but I wanna hear the rant

Ok so

While she0ra as a show seems to have a pretty sweet goal of normalising people and relationships that aren’t the norm, it does something that i cant forgive.

It normalises abuse.

While it constantly shows us that shad0w weavers abuse is bad, it somehow then completely tries to erase all of catr0as abuse of ad0ra.

Cat0ra abused ador0a. Theres nothing you can say against that. She abused her emotionally, verbally and physically. She took every encounter after their split as a chance to hurt ad0ra as much as she could and enjoyed it. She tried to literally kill ad0ra, all because she ‘left’

Now i love toxic yuri and toxic yaoi and just some good angst in general, and if catrad0ra was just a non canon toxic ship i would probably eat the fuck out of it (ok maybe not, i do have some other issues with the show. *cough* the ableism *cough*)

But the ship is made canon. Cat0ra’s abuse is basically immediately erased by the writers with a shitty ‘redemption arc’ just because they wanted their catrad0ra. Cat0ra is suddenly the perfect girlfriend and wont ever lash out at ad0ra ever again, the two live happily ever after!

Thats not how it works. And that shouldn’t be how you portray that it works to children.

She0ra is a kids show. That is my biggest fucking issue here, if it was a show aimed for adults i wouldn’t give a fuck as much. But this is a show aimed to kids, and they basically just teach the audience that its actually a good idea to keep trying to fix your abuser because maybe it will change them and you can be happy together 💀

When the real lesson they should have taught is that its good to move on from someone who hurt you, that you can and will find other people who care about you without hurting you when you do something they dont like. The best ending would have had ad0ra realising how far this has gone and cutting cat0ra out of her life completely.

The canon ending completely disregards ad0ras trauma, it slaps you in the face and says ‘you thought any of that affected her? Haha she’s she0ra! Why would abuse ever affect her. You’re an idiot for worrying. Abuse? When? I dont remember abuse, shut up and watch her kiss her abuse- i mean her childhood friend 🙃’ it acts like this is the best ending for ad0ra, that this is the relationship she should have. But all i can think about is how she’s likely going to be abused again, what if she decides to break up? Do you really think cat0ra will just say “oh ok, thats fine im sorry it didnt work out” no. This is the woman who spiralled out of control and tried to destroy the world and kill everyone because ad0ra ‘left’ her once before, if ad0ra tried to break up with her its very likely cat0ra will lash out at her again.

Catr0a has a pattern of explosive anger and abuse, dont act like that suddenly has disappeared because shes with ad0ra now.

But the fans and the writers do act like that. They champion the ship as healthy and good representation, they somehow ignore all the abuse ad0ra suffers because they want their lesbians. I kind of understand why it was so big back when the show came out, we had hardly any representation and we clinged onto any we could get. But we have more now, we have representation thats good and healthy- why are people still treating catr0dora as good representation?

Its gross. Its really fucking gross. All i can think about is the young sapphics who watched the show and took away the lesson that they should accept and ‘help heal’ their abusers. It doesnt help that sapphics and other queer people get stuck in abusive relationships quite badly, especially those in areas where the queer community isn’t as large. ‘What if i break up with them and cant find another woman who likes women? I will be alone forever’ while im thankfully not in any abusive relationships, im currently seeing a girl who i don’t really feel a strong connection with. That “if i break up i will be alone” is very much a thought that goes in my head, i dont know other queer women, i dont know queer women who would want to be with me. And so i stick with her, because who else is there for me?

That is what i hate. The normalisation of abuse taught to a group who are already predisposed to accepting abuse.

Anyway support canon wlw ships that actively dont teach abuse is fine-