#about until I get the opinion of my other doctor on the 6th

[freakwiththeknifecollection]

When Dean said I need a damn win. Emotionally I am there

[possthrowaway4q]

I've learned/realized a lot about my health issues recently, and I... really need some opinions. Particularly from people with traumatic brain injuries. So I'm gonna share my story.

Major Trigger Warning: birth complications, asphyxiation, seizures, child endangerment, medical neglect

(Sorry this isn't under a readmore I have literally never been able to use them on mobile without breaking the post)

I was lied to about my birth story. I was told by my mother that I came into the world a beautiful and perfectly healthy baby (and in her defense she very well could've convinced herself of this). This is, according to what my dad told me now that I'm an adult, completely false. My mother and I both almost died. The doctors didn't believe she was in labor yet. Called it Braxton Hicks for multiple days. Wasn't until one of them actually checked and saw my head that they believed her. Came out completely blue with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and was totally silent when they unwrapped me. Had to spend multiple days in the NICU in one of those oxygen tents. Don't know a lot of the details because apparently it wasn't discussed much. No idea if the doctors said anything about potential long-term issues and even if they did, there's no guarantee my parents kept an eye out properly. Didn't find out until a few years ago that I had hallucinations and frequent vivid nightmares as a young kid and the person mentioning it clearly didn't think much of it, despite me vaguely remembering seeing two separate child therapists around that age. Like, early elementary, I think.

That's not the only event though. Summer between 5th and 6th grade I had a drug-induced seizure. I was being watched by a family member who was kind of notorious for hoarding all sorts of medications. Including ones she was no longer prescribed. She didn't keep everything in their proper bottles either, moving pills between and re-labeling them. Including putting prescriptions in OTC containers. I asked for something for a headache. She gave me a pill saying it was Tylenol - didn't even see the bottle it came out of - and left me be again. Wasn't long before I knew something was wrong. Thankfully, I had my phone in my hand and was able to text her before I lost complete control of my muscles. Dunno how long exactly the seizure lasted, but it must've been at least ten minutes because that's how far away my parents lived and they were there with me when it ended. Remember my dad picking me up and holding me until I could talk and move again. We never did go to the hospital. Idk if it's because we all assumed I was fine once it was over or if it was because no one wanted to get the family member in trouble. Would explain why she called my parents instead of an ambulance, I suppose.

Been thinking about that tonight. Realized I was never really the same after that. I went from all As in school to completely unable to keep up with most subjects. I couldn't think or focus, I was in a fog most of the time, was losing large gaps of time and couldn't remember both short and long term things, and shortly after that was the beginning of my three year long psychotic break. Everyone remembers how the start of middle school is when all my mental health symptoms went into overdrive and I was just. Notably worse. And to top it all off, I always have said that my memory of my past seems to only go back to a few substantial memories in 5th grade and everything prior basically doesn't exist most of the time.

So I guess my question is just... could I have brain damage? Birth asphyxia is bad enough, but a 10+ minute long seizure as a child? I'm pretty sure that's way past the threshold of a medical emergency/when permanent brain damage can start. But every time I mention the idea to anyone, it gets brushed off. Either because I "don't need another thing wrong with me" or "does it really matter?" or because neither thing are your typical ideas of a TBI.

Sure, I've got a bunch of other reasons I could have these symptoms. Even just on the mental health side, ADHD, autism, psychosis, dissociative disorder stuff, and it's been too long for any doctor to say definitively one way or the other if they even take me seriously. But... I don't know, could those have contributed? Hell, could that be the root source of some of it that no one connected to because we never talked about it after the fact? (I even completely forgot for a long time. Didn't think it was a big deal. Didn't really understand seizures at the time.) I can't emphasize enough how drastically my health changed after that seizure. But maybe it was just puberty or the increase in difficulty/stress from going from elementary to middle school.

Surely it's possible though that those things at least exacerbated underlying issues or something? I guess the root of my question is whether the traumatic brain injury community would have me. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully, publicly identify that way, but I still desperately want to know if I'd be welcomed if I tried. Could I really have brain damage or am I just being dramatic or a hypochondriac or something? I just wanna know why I'm so fucked up in the head.

[heavensigh]

I thought I wanted to write because it's been so long but now I’m unmotivated. Even if it is for my mental health. So I’ll split it into sections again.

Love:

Chu got his vasectomy about a week ago. He was nice enough to let the budding doctors take a wack at it so his procedure went a bit long but he is healing nicely.  Of course, I’m horny, but we have to wait. Once his deadline is up he’ll have to ejaculate at least twice a week before his next appointment to “clean out” his system. Watch I’ll not even be in the mood lol. He also got his wisdom teeth pulled out as well. Just two and his mouth isn’t giving him any issues. He’s still on a soup diet until he’s fully healed but he’s been handling it like a champ.

School: I graduated during the summer and it was a very casual event. I didn’t walk across the stage since I didn’t see the point in flying all the way to NC to do so but I did take some meh pictures in the park. A bunch of homeless people watched and asked me questions, I mean really trying to get us to engage with them. The sun was out and it was hot as hell and I got annoyed. We went to get Mexican food afterward at the city’s highest-rated Mexican restaurant spot but our food was dry as hell. I have some questions concerning my degree and the accreditation but oddly the director of the program has not returned my emails or phone calls. Which is weird because he was always on it when I was enrolled.

Work: I hate work. I haven’t even made it to the 6th-month spot and I’m already fed up. The support staff at my firm is cool as hell, we all get along great but my attorney is a massive bitch 89% of the time. Sometimes I just lay in bed and pretend a natural disaster has happened and it would give me a great reason not to go to work. It's an awful thought process I know and this way of thinking is not normal or healthy. I’m just itching to do my “I QUIT” speech but Chu is begging me to tough it out. My paycheck allows us to get ahead. Ahead of all the debt we have, the savings we don’t and the expensive housing projects we need to finish. Without me working we’re back to scraping by with NOTHING extra. I’m really struggling with the 5 days on, and 2 days off though. It's not enough. It has never been enough and now that I’ve tasted something different... I want it again. Capitalism really is a bitch. The whole thing has me searching about going back to school, maybe getting into marketing since it's something I keep coming back to and I actually use it on my side businesses. I could see myself having a lot of fun with something like that. But I can’t afford to go back to school. Cali is really stretching us thin. We gotta move ASAP.

Family: My sister is pregnant and driving me insane with the baby shower thing. They know how I feel about kids and yet are constantly asking me to babysit and help with the whole thing. I don’t mind kids, but I limit my contact with them. I’ve gone to TWO children’s birthday parties and though it's nice to catch up and I’m sick of being exposed to their germs. But hell, the adults aren’t much better. I’m just sick of people who use their kid as a buffer. It's like when women hit a certain age and have children, all they want to talk about is that. I don’t need every single update on lil Johnny, tell me about YOU. It also doesn’t help that my mother treats me childfree lifestyle as a passing phase for me. She and my sister keep making comments that once my new nephew is here that I will magically change my opinion and want one for myself. So just screw my other nieces and nephews huh? Ugh.

Fitness Journey: Something is wrong with me. I have no concept of food or gaining muscles. A few weeks ago I had a glorious drop in both body fat and inches but I quickly rebounded the week after. I was distressed and I’m honestly not seeing any improvement in myself after these 8 weeks. My schedule at the gym has been spotty. I had to take 3 days off because we had an out-of-town trip. Then I had the sniffles and couldn’t bring myself the chance to get someone else sick. It's been a mess. And on top of that my new coach is awful. He has stopped responding to my check-ins and doesn’t offer anything but basic sayings and advice. I should have gone with my gut and not hired this guy. What a freaking waste.

Life is just...I can’t complain because I’m healthy and highly blessed in many areas, but my mental health is suffering greatly because of all this stress in my position.

[melancholykatt]

Nana Meta

~I’ve wanted to talk about my feelings about Nana in relation to her family and her responsibilities as a OFA holder for a while.  I finally have the motivation to write it all out. In this meta I want to focus on Nana’s decision to give Kotaro up for adoption. I had initially written meta because I noticed some people saying she abandoned her son and it was her fault Shigaraki turned out the way he did. This was something that really irked me honestly. Specifically, the idea that Nana putting up her son for adoption for his own protection, when she had no other choice, being seen as her abandoning him really irked me. So the first draft of this was a bit aggressive but I decided to leave it until I came back with a cooler head. This is a bit of a sensitive topic so I want to be as respectful as possible while still being firm on my opinion. I will also address the idea that Nana put her responsibility as a OFA holder above her family. So, with that preface, let's get into it. 

 Now what do we know for sure about Nana and her situation? Well, we know that she received her quirk from En, the 6th holder of AFO. We know that her husband was murdered by AFO. We know she gave up her son Kotaro for adoption before her final fight with AFO. She left Kotaro a letter explaining why she had to leave and that she loved him. It seems Kotaro was around 5 or 6 when she gave him up for adoption so he was old enough to remember her but not understand the seriousness of the situation at the time. 

Also, just as importantly, what do we not know? Well, we do not know when or why Nana received AFO. She could have already been married with a family before OFA was passed to her. Let's take a look at this panel from chapter 257.

Here All Might talks about how the wielders of OFA were not chosen, but simply given the quirk when the previous holder had been hunted down by AFO and desperate to pass on the quirk. In the panel, we can see En is heavily injured and appears to be missing an arm. This is very likely the state in which he passed the quirk to Nana. It could be that she didn't even want OFA but took it because there was no one else to. It also explains why she was so serious about finding a successor and training them, so that OFA was not thrust on them unrepaired like it was for her. 

With all this information here are my thoughts.

Nana was devoted to her family. She stayed with her husband until his murder and raised Kotaro until her last confrontation with AFO. She kept him with her until she knew she was probably going to die, when she was positive she would not be able to protect him anymore. Nana put her son up for adoption because she literally had no other choice. AFO would have definitely killed Kotaro or taken him hostage to break Nana’s spirit. He literally works with a doctor who turns children, including his own grandson, into nomu. Nana knew that she would die in her final confrontation with AFO. Who would have raised Kotaro had she not put him up for adoption? All Might had to leave Japan to train. AFO knew Nana was friends with Grand Torino. There's no way Gran Torino would have been strong enough to protect Kotaro from AFO. Her husband was dead and if they had any other family, they would become targets of AFO. Nana had to give him to someone with absolutely no connection to her. She made a hard decision to give her child the best possible chance at life. She was heartbroken and crying. She loved him so much and I’m sure if she thought there was a safe, reasonable way to keep Kotaro with her, she would have. As I mentioned before, she only decided to give Kotaro up when she was sure she would die. She did not pick being a hero over him. AFO was coming for her regardless, even if just to hurt her successor. Afterall AFO was so obsessed with hurting All Might her went after Nana’a grandson, he definitely would have tried to use Kotaro against Nana and All Might if given the chance.

It's not Nana’s fault Kotaro let his bitterness affect the way he treated his own children and it's not her fault Shiggy is where he is. That is 100% the fault of the man who manipulated and groomed Shigaraki for years, AFO. That’s pretty much it. I hope you enjoyed reading this. Wording things was difficult but overall i’m happy with how this meta turned out~

[captain-grammar]

Supernatural & Stargate Atlantis: When Actors and Show-Runners Collide

It’s taken me a few days but I’ve worked out why the situation surrounding Supernatural - a show/fandom I have had almost no involvement with up until now - and TPTB’s treatment towards Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins has got me as irked as it has.

It reminds me far too much of how TPTB on Stargate: Atlantis treated Joe Flanigan.

(If there are any gaps in information or any lapses in understanding on this, my Gater dudes, I am happy to be corrected, amended or added to.)

For the uninitiated, Stargate: Atlantis was a sister show to Stargate: SG-1 that ran on the Sci-Fi Channel from 2004 - 2009. Joe Flanigan was the lead male actor on the programme, playing Major/Lt. Col. John Sheppard for all 5 seasons.

The first few seasons of the show ran smoothly. Flanigan played his lead part as the highly skilled, if emotionally distant, Air Force pilot and soldier well and everyone was getting along nicely. However, when season 3 ended and season 4 began, friction began to arise with a choice TPTB had made with regards to the death of another of the popular leads on the show - killing off Doctor Elizabeth Weir played by Torri Higginson. From what I understand, Flanigan had fought for Weir/Higginson to stay on the show: he knew and understood that she was popular and by getting rid of her, they’d be shooting themselves in the foot. They ignored him and wrote her out, bringing her back for a couple of cameos as recompense, I suspect, for outraged fans who did not understand their decision to get rid of her in the first place.

From then on (from what I can gather from interviews I’ve seen) Flanigan became more aware of decisions being made with regard to plots and character development and more vocal when he felt like they were going the wrong way with it. As such, the writers and show-runners became less and less receptive to his feedback, apparently cutting him out of decisions and purposefully leaving him out of conversations about upcoming story arcs. As a response to this, in the 4th and 5th seasons of the show, Flanigan’s character appeared to be shunned to one side, almost in retribution for having an opinion that did not align with that of the show-runners.

The supposed lead of the whole programme seemed to be demoted to a secondary role. In fact, the only episodes where Flanigan/Sheppard got to be in the fore were episodes he had written.

This ongoing friction came to a head during season 5. During the filming of the episode Whispers - an episode featuring an all-female exploration team that come across alien hybrids that hunt people down by hearing alone - Flanigan came to TPTB, angry. As a character, Sheppard had always been portrayed as being incredibly supportive and loyal to his female co-workers and was savvy to what was going on under his command. Flanigan voiced concerns that the casual sexism and ignorance Sheppard was displaying in this episode was out of character and it didn’t sit well with him. He was effectively told to shut up and deal with it, it didn’t matter.

The show was over at the end of season 5. If I remember rightly, none of the actors knew this until they were about to head to a convention after the season had finished airing and were told that, for all the plans for a 6th season, it wasn’t going to happen.

Flanigan fought to buy the rights to the show. While the writers and runners had dropped Atlantis in favour of another spin off to the franchise (that ultimately ended up getting cancelled after 2.5 seasons anyway), Flanigan believed in it and wanted to save it. He was denied rights to it for no other discernable reason other than childish spite: he had disagreed with them and been vocal in his disapproval, so he didn’t get to have it.

This was back in 2009-2010. How is it that TEN YEARS LATER, studios and writers and show-runners are still acting as though the opinion of actors whose job is to inhabit the characters they play for years have no worth? That their thoughts and sense of the person they have been for 5, 10, 15 years has no weight? Why are they still being treated like absolute shit for speaking up and speaking out about a show and a character they love and cherish and cast aside for daring to do so? Why are they still being treated as disposable?

So Supernatural fans, I empathise with you. I get it. I hear you and I see you. I understand your anger at the disrespect towards Misha and Jensen. Apparently, the arrogance of writers in the sci-fi/action/fantasy genre is still alive and well and it needs to stop.

[caffeinated-chaos-bean]

Mid-2021 Blog Update

Hey guys.

So... It’s been a while. Quite a while... and I want to lay some things out as to why I’ve been gone and the blog has practically been dead in the water for half a year, if not for a whole year. 

I want you to know that what I’m going to say will be in heavy detail. I’m comfortable speaking on it, and what information doesn’t just include me will be using either public details that I know I can share or will be put in a short and sweet manner.

This is your trigger warning: If you need to click off or scroll past due to the mention of extremely bad mental health, toxic relationships and households, the mention of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, please do so now.

. . .

First off, I’ve lessened the amount of time I’ve been online due to my mental health. I was put on antidepressants as well as told to take anti-anxiety gummies in November and will be weaned off of those starting this October. A lot of my family and relationship drama on top of the world practically shutting down and going into chaos thanks to COVID-19 just took a major toll on me. With so much on my shoulders, stress from living with said things on my shoulders, unsupportive family members, and an emotionally distant partner, I was at one of the lowest points in the life. I’d never had to be on mood-related medication in my life until last November. I’d always been able to handle what was thrown at me, but mid- to late-2020 was what knocked me down that low for the first time in my life. Suicidal thoughts came and went (they weren’t often, only when I couldn’t bottle my emotions up any longer but didn’t have a way to express them either), but even when they did, I knew that it was just in my head. I never once chose to act on them, because to me, that is not a way to solve a problem or escape your inner demons. All it does it put your personal suffering onto those around you -- your friends, family, and those who cared about you even when you don’t see it -- and it doesn’t do anyone any good. When my doctor asked me about suicide, that’s the very explanation I gave her. Yes, they happened, but I’d never act on them; it’s not a way out and it puts your pain onto others and only worsens the situation for the long-term.

Aside from that, though... I move on to other personal reasons for my absence that helped trigger what was mentioned above. Mid-August of 2019, my then fiancé's mother was murdered by two 17yr old boys of whom she and their family knew. Going off the information that was made public, one boy had mixed meth with marijuana prior to the killing. He claimed that my fiancé’s mother mouthed off and made a derogatory comment about his deceased mother, thus sparking the incident. While he claims to have only stabbed her once, the autopsy report shows that her head/face and upper torso were “hacked, slashed, and chopped” repeatedly with “various sharp, bladed objects”. Not only did they murder her, the two individuals also set the grass around her body on fire along with her home. When we found out about this having happened, I had no idea how bad it would have turned my relationship upside-down. My now ex-fiancé didn’t come from a great childhood, there was abuse and CPS, among other things. But he had managed and was a good person. He could make me laugh and tear up at his jokes, sang beautifully, and did everything to make those around him happy. When he lost his mom, it broke him. It shattered his very being, because not only did he know the two who caused it to happen, he also was unable to reconcile and make amends with his mother for what he went through as a child. He was robbed of being able to forgive and be on good terms with her, and it broke him. He stopped communicating with family, he took bereavement after being pulled from work by family the day it was confirmed to be his mother only to to fired 3 months down the line when he tried to go back (fuck Walmart for that btw), and was slowly becoming a hypochondriac. He stopped talking to me, he would cry in his sleep, and grief made him lash out as was expected. But as the days dragged on, his motivation and care towards finding a new job dwindled. He and my mother would fight endlessly and I was caught in the middle of it, as we all were in one household. There were times in which I would keep my phone on my leg and record for my own personal documentation should I need it due to how bad my own mother would belittle me, belittle my ex behind his back, and just scream and go off. When I’d turn to my ex for comfort, he wasn’t much help due to his own deteriorating mental health. He took to discord, specifically the Vampire the Masquerade community, as his escape from reality. He eventually would hardly talk to me at all, show no compassion, and at times I tried to speak with him about getting a new job or suggesting part-time ones that I felt would be easy and as stress-free as possible for him, I would be shooed away without a word; if I tried to further my attempt to have the conversation, he eventually got an attitude and would just say “Bye!” over and over again while shooing with his hand to get me to leave. There were many days where I’d get off work and sit in the bathroom for an hour and cry because of my frustration and how I felt stuck between two people I cared about deeply (ie. my ex and my mother).

My ex has since moved out and no longer lived with us. He and I are no longer together, and he has cut off all communication to me along with his family. He isn’t living in California anymore, really. He met up with discord friends and is in another state. That’s the last I heard from him. That’s the last his family heard. He doesn’t talk to us or attempt to reach out or respond when his family reaches out. I still very much care about him and want him to get better, but if he has to do so by being away from everyone, then so be it.

While I was letting - or shutting out, rather - the emotions I was feeling once he officially moved out, I relapsed with my anxiety tick; with my trichotillomania. I have a good number of smaller, thinned out spots in my hair from unconsciously pulling out strands of hair when my emotions didn’t know how to regulate. I’m still fighting to get this under control, as I do still catch myself doing it and so does my mother. It currently is not as bad as when my ex first moved out and I had to adjust back into sleeping alone and without someone next to me, but I do still pull. I am looking into trying to get my sister to order me a HabbitAware bracelet for me this Christmas in order to help get my tick back under control. I know its something I will live with forever and go in and out of doing, as there is no cure or medication to curb trichotillomania, but its something to help me be more aware of how often I do pull and to train it to no longer be a muscle memory response.

Most recently, I’ve had to stop taking melatonin. I’ve had bouts of insomnia since my ex left, and eventually I took enough melatonin to not only build an immunity to it but also a slight dependence. I was taking more than I should have been, and I noticed the signs of it and have stopped taking melatonin altogether. Due to this, I have switched to hempseed oil gummies. I take 2 before bed and they have helped wonderfully. But, due to how easy it was for me to become dependent on melatonin, I do plan to take brief breaks from the gummies to avoid a similar situation. I also do not plan on seeking an insomnia medication due to the same reasons. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I knew i was becoming addicted, and due to this I do not wish to risk it happening with a prescription sleep medication. I will deal with my bouts of insomnia as they come.

I also am conquering my insecurities towards others knowing I am a fan of Michael Jackson; a moonwalker. In elementary school (5th grade, 2009), I went through a heavy obsessive phase when he passed. I’d never heard of him, and when I listened to his music that firs time I was instantly hooked. I was ridiculed at school after I performed “Thriller” during a talent show; I had classmates going as far as saying that I must want him to kidnap and r*pe me if I enjoyed his music so much. I didn’t understand the gravity of those comments back then the way that I do now that I’m 23, but I still knew to an extent that what they were saying was in now way a good thing. I shut out his music from mid-6th grade all the way until this year. I hadn’t listened to a single song aside from hearing “Thriller” on the radio during October. For my birthday this year, I had a friend take me out of town and get away for a day. The entire time, she surprised me by playing hours of his music when in the car with her. It has since reopened that connection to his music and I’ve been listening to his songs with a fresh take, with the mind of an adult who can comprehend his words and understand finally what he’s saying for each song. As such, I’ve become more comfortable with others knowing I’m a moonwalker. You can have your opininos of the man, you can choose to believe the tabloids and junk media or make your own conclusions after assessing the details and documents of his life, but I will enjoy the same freedom of opinion.

I know this is getting pretty long, but I wanted to fill those who still might be checking up on this blog for any sort of update or spec of life coming from it in on what’s practically killed the blogs for a good chunk of time.

I do plan to slowly start doing stuff again after Halloween. I have a video made that I plan to post for Halloween and I look forward to letting Kikumi and the others be open for asks again. Until then, may the wind guide you all. I hope everyone can have a safe and wonderful rest of August. I will see you in October.

[whereareroo]

SEUSSICALLY

WF THOUGHTS (3/6/21).

Have you been following the Dr. Suess hullabaloo?

It was all over the news this week. I was busy all week. I tried to avoid the Suess saga. I failed.

The circus started when Dr. Suess Enterprises, an arm of the good doctor's estate, announced that it would no longer publish six Suess books. The announcement said that the books were being pulled from publication because they "portray people in ways that are hurtful and wrong."

Dr. Suess is a lightning rod. Everybody had an opinion about the announcement. Some progressive voices said that it was "about time" because Suess clearly had racist tendencies. Some conservative voices said that the "purity police" had wrongfully pressured the Suess organization to yank the books. Most people didn't know what to think. People wanted to be loyal to Dr. Seuss, but they began to wonder if their loyalty was misplaced.

As a public service, I figured that I better get to the bottom of the situation. I took time from my kitchen renovation to go online and read the six books. Were the books really offensive, or is everybody just being too sensitive? I needed to answer that question. It took me about an hour to locate and read the books.

I think it's important to differentiate between the illustrations and the text.

All Suess books are chock full of illustrations. The illustrations are so numerous that it is impossible to focus on every detail. Because issues have been raised about certain details in the illustrations, I looked very carefully. Amidst the multitude of silly drawings, I saw a few images that aren't politically correct in 2021. Some Asians are depicted with extremely slanted eyes. Some Blacks are depicted with fat stomachs and thick lips. If you weren't looking for such illustrations, you'd never notice. The narrators tend to be white boys, and they are almost always goofy looking. Apparently that isn't a problem. Overall, I don't understand the hysteria about the illustrations. The books are full of weird, and exaggerated, illustrations. Don't people like Dr. Seuss books because of the outrageous illustrations?

Readers might overlook many details in the drawings, but everybody reads the words. Were any of the words offensive? Let's review the six books in chronological order. You can decide if the language problems are so significant that the books shouldn't be published anymore.

In 1937, Suess published his first book. It's called And To Think I Saw It On Mulberry Street. It's a silly story about a boy walking down Mulberry Street. In New York City, Mulberry Street is near Chinatown. Not surprisingly, among dozens of other things, the boy sees "a Chinese man with slits for eyes." He also sees "a Chinese man who eats with sticks." The book also describes dozens of other things that the boy saw on Mulberry Street. Should the book be banned because of the references to Chinese people on Mulberry Street, or is everybody overreacting? Whenever I'm in Chinatown, I see Chinese people and I see people eating with sticks.

In 1947, Seuss released his 6th book: McElligot's Pool. The "pool" is a fishing pond and the story is about the imaginary fish that a boy catches in the pond. I don't know why it's a banned book. My guess is that the alarm is over "Eskimo fish," which look like Eskimos and wear parkas. The kid also catches dozens of other weird fish. I see no problem here.

A book called If I Ran The Zoo came out in 1950. I didn't see anything remotely offensive in the text. I read the darn book three times, and I don't understand the fuss. Amongst the hundreds of details in the illustrations, there are a few questionable features. You wouldn't notice any of the details unless you were specifically looking for problems.

The book called "Scrambled Eggs Super !" was released in 1953. It's about a boy who finds all sorts of imaginary birds to make scrambled eggs from their unusual eggs. I really didn't see any problems in the text. One family of birds is described as a "gay family." There is a bird that is called a Kwigger. If those are the problems, I think that somebody is trying very hard to find a problem.

I thought the most interesting book was "On Beyond Zebra!" When kids are taught the conventional alphabet, they're taught that the 26th letter is "Z" and that "Z is for Zebra." In this book, Seuss explores a detailed imaginary alphabet that exists beyond Z. This alphabet uses symbols instead of letters. Most of the symbols look like something from the Greek alphabet. All of the symbols have weird names. There are more than 20 symbols. My hunch is that people are upset about a symbol called "Spazz," which is related to a monster called the Spazzim Beast. Once again, I think someone is looking for a problem where there is no problem.

The sixth banned book, published in 1976, is The Cat's Quizzer. It's full of all sorts of goofy quiz questions. The mix includes:

• How old do you have to be to be Japanese?

• Which is taller, a tall pygmy or a short giant?

• Do Japanese people eat with pogo sticks?

Do these few inappropriate questions make the book unpublishable? You can decide for yourself.

Before I finish, and get back to work on the kitchen, let's put our brains together and do a reality check. The banned books were published between 1937 and 1976. They've been around for between 45 and 91 years. There are millions and millions of copies in circulation. Last year alone, total sales of Seuss books topped 33,000,000. If these six books are such a big problem, how did that go unnoticed until 2021? I would respectfully suggest that people are just way too sensitive in 2021. What do you think?

I do not like green eggs and ham. I also dislike purity tests for books. Authors should be free to write what they want to write. Illustrators should be free to draw what they want to draw. If somebody doesn't like a book, they don't have to buy it. The Seuss saga makes me nervous. Who will the purity police attack next? Mother Goose?

[purplesurveys]

1080

Do you like to write with sharpies? Sure. I don’t often get the chance to, but if I find a stray Sharpie lying around I will most likely grab it and find a piece of scratch paper to write on.

What are your top five favorite colors? Pastel/baby pink, black, white, maroon, mustard yellow.

Do you wear pajamas at night? Nope. I find them too warm.

What is your favorite type of cereal? Also not a fan of cereal; I never got the hang of its texture once mixed with milk. For my breakfasts, I’d rather already have a full ass meal consisting of fried rice with eggs, hotdogs, dried fish, tapa, tocino, etc. so that I can feel recharged enough to start with my day.

Do you want a Sony Xperia? No.

Do you own an iPhone? Yesss.

Do you like cake or cupcakes better? Cupcakes for sure; they’re one of my favorite desserts. There’s bigger space to be creative and quirky with cupcakes, so I enjoy them more. I’ve stopped seeking out cakes as often as I used to because I keep on seeing the same flavors and the same ingredients used in them.

What is your doctor's name? We don’t have a main one that we go to since no one in my family ever gets seriously sick.

Have you planned out your future? I have grand life events I want to be able to tick off, like getting my own place, traveling to certain countries, getting promoted. etc; but I don’t limit myself to a timeline. If or when those things happen, then they’ll happen.

Do you iron your clothes? I sometimes will, especially if I had planned to wear clothes that tend to get all wrinkly if they haven’t been used for a long time.

If you could own one wild animal, which one would you want? No thanks.

Have you ever been to Universal Studio? Yeah, the one in Singapore. It was a lot of fun, but I think my family and I are forever scarred by the couple who was queueing in front of us for the roller coaster...they passionately made out the entire time we were in line. Ugh.

What is your favorite holiday tradition? I like visiting one particular relative’s place for Christmas - one of my mom’s cousins and her family. It’s always lively there, and my aunts and uncles on that side of the family are the ones I find easiest to talk to. We didn’t go there for years, and we only started to again starting in I think 2017 or 2018.

Do you have curly hair? Nope. Sometimes it’s straight and sometimes it’s wavy.

Do you like the color orange or pink better? Pink.

Do you have long eyelashes? Yes.

How do you keep warm in the winter? I don’t need to worry about this because we don’t get winter.

Have you seen the movie Transformers? No, never looked interesting to me.

Have you ever killed ants with a magnifying glass? I have not. If they are being annoying on me, I just squish them; but I don’t kill them just because I’m bored.

What kind of shampoo do you use? I’ve been using Dove shampoo for a while.

Do you own any pairs of scarves? I own a few shawls that I will sometimes use as scarves, if they count.

Do you follow fashion? I mean, sometimes. I’ve generally followed what’s trending in my age group; but now that one of our clients at work is in the fashion/sportswear industry, I get even more leads on what is currently trending in terms of style even though I don’t always voluntarily choose to follow fahshion.

Are you excited for the 6th Harry Potter movie to come out? Didn’t the last movie come out a decade ago? So the 6th one is even older than that.

What color is your favorite coat? I don’t own a coat. The thicket clothes I have are probably hoodies.

Do you like Minnie Mouse? She’s okay; I don’t really have a strong opinion, I guess? My favorite character was always either Goofy or Donald Duck though.

Moccasins or Loafers? Moccasins.

Do you wear dogtags? Nope.

What is your favorite brand of clothing? I don’t really have one...if I like something, I’ll try to buy it.

Where do you shop for food? My parents always buy from groceries but they make the chain different every time. They will also sometimes buy from our neighbors who have their own vegetable store at home.

What is your favorite font? I’m partial to Proxima Nova because I used it a lotttttt throughout college that I’ve been using it by default for any document I have to make.

Do your hands and feet tend to get cold in the winter? I’ve never experienced winter but whenever I get cold, the joints in my legs and feet tend to feel the most sore and uncomfortable.

Do you know how to play any instruments? If so what? Nah. I got skipped out on when musical talents were being given out, lmao.

Do you recycle plastic bags? Yes. Idk about other cultures but Asian homes definitely have a spare cabinet somewhere in their homes that is just filled with plastic bags to be used over and over in the future if they’re needed lol.

Do you like to drink energy drinks? No. I smelled one before and the scent was too sweet it almost made me sick. I can’t imagine how much sweeter they taste.

What was the last TV show that you watched? I went back to my comfort zone last night, Friends :)

What is the biggest number that you have ever counted to? Not so sure, maybe around 100 more or less.

Are you currently wearing anything with patterns on them? I am not.

Do you like pistachios? OMG yes, but pistachios and pistachio-flavored anything are always on the pricier side so I don’t really feel like buying them most of the time.

Have you ever picked your nose? Sure.

Do you pee in public bathrooms? Only if I can no longer hold it. I prefer to wait until I get home.

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

Top 10 Favorite TV Shows (In A Row):

The Dick Van Dyke Show (The Dick Van Dyke Show has earned the number 1 spot in my heart through years of love and loyalty. Growing up you learn about shows through your family, it’s only natural. Especially with me because we didn’t have cable much of the time. So the only way I could really learn about TV shows was through them. TDVDS was the first show that I considered to be “my show,” it was sorta my identity for a lot of years. Yes, I learned about it through my family, but the first time I remember watching it was on my own. My sister Ingrid had it on VHS tape, and I just remember rummaging through her VHS’ and deciding to watch it one day. One thing’s for sure…. my love for that show outpaced everyone in my family. It was also one of the first shows that I came to consider myself an expert on. It’s a show that is everything to me, and if you get me started I could talk about it for about 24 hours straight. If you want a big list of why TDVDS is such an iconic show. I have a whole post about that)

Get Smart (Another show that has earned it’s spot and that will never change despite whatever hyperfixation I have at any given time. Don’t even talk to me about the 2008 movie adaptation of Get Smart. It’s not even worthy to lick the TV shows boots!!!! Get Smart is a show that I have memories of since I was like 8 years old. It’s such a happy show for me, though I would say that about all of my top 10 favorite shows. This show had such a genius concept. It came at a time when spy shows and movies were all the rage. It took that genre and just flipped it on it’s head. It was kinda like a parody of James Bond and stuff like that. Get Smart has shaped popular culture so much…. and so much more than people realize. So many popular words or terms that are in out lingo and dictionaries were created in Get Smart)

I Love Lucy (I Love Lucy is a show that has been a part of my life…. forever. I literally don’t think there was a time when I Love Lucy wasn’t in my life. It was probably playing in the hospital room while I was being birthed. My dad was obsessed with this show. He was so obsessed that when he was in California with my mom, on vacation. They went to Beverly Hills and my dad wanted to knock on Lucille Ball’s door and say “hi” (this was in the 80s), but my mom was too mortified at the thought. So he snuck into her backyard and took a picture of her garbage can. Yep… that’s my dad for you. I think that picture is still in a picture book of his!! He was a huge collector, he collected a shit ton of stuff before giving most of it away in the early 2000s, cause our family was moving to a much smaller house. One of my first memories of any show or movie was I Love Lucy. It was in 2003, when I was 6 nearly 7. We had recently moved to a condo, and the house was still in disarray and we as a family sat on the floor watching I Love Lucy. I remember the episode…. it was called “First Stop” and it was about the Ricardo’s and the Mertz’s trip to California and they stop at a shady diner off of a highway. The diner owner tricks them into staying in a cabin that he rents out (long story, you’ll have to watch the ep to see how that happens :) ) Either way, they are in this cabin that is feet away from a train track and every time a train goes past, Ricky and Lucy’s bed moves all the way to the other side of the room. It was so funny and I peed my pants… no joke…. i’m embarrased to admit it but it’s true. But hey I was 6 years old, I give myself a pass for that ;) )

I Dream Of Jeannie (I Dream Of Jeannie is a show that I learned about relatively late in life. I was 12 when my sisters and myself watched the first episode. It really became a show that was mine and my sister Ingrid’s show. We used to watch every episode together from start to finish and we were both huge fans of Tony and Jeannie’s relationship. Tony and Jeannie were one of my first ships)

Stranger Things (STRANGER THINGS!!!!! This show took me completely by surprise and it has now earned the 5th spot, that will never change! I have never been hyperfixated on a show for this long. It has been my hyperfixation for over 3 years now. Before I started watching Stranger Things, I thought I knew all I needed to know about it. I knew it was a sci-fi/horror show that revolved around kids. I had heard the cultural noise surrounding it and I respected that, but as someone who doesn’t consider herself a “nerd”, I had no real interest in it. It was one of those shows that I acceded I would eventually watch, maybe in 20 years, but it was so low on my priority list. In fact, my opinion of sci-fi or quote un quote nerd shows/movies really hasn’t changed despite my love of ST. I still have no interest in Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who, Lord Of The Rings, Harry Potter, or any other show like that. I have no interest in action for action’s sake. I can’t watch a light saber dual and get excited about that. In order to care about an action scene I need to first care about the characters. It wasn’t until Jan 2017, that I decided to give in and watch and i’ve never looked back. It’s one of the best decision i’ve ever made. I’m telling you, if there is anyone out there who hasn’t watched ST yet and doesn’t think they would like the show. Please give it a try…. I thought the same thing as you before I watched it. It’s so much more than just sci fi and horror. It’s also a drama with big comedic elements, it’s a relationship show. It’s horror but it’s not overly scary (and this is coming from a scaredy cat), it’s sci fi but it doesn’t lean on that too much, it’s not overly gloomy and the cinematography is so beautiful, it’s fun and exciting, it’s got a really interesting conspiracy storyline running through it. Believe me, it’s worth a try!!)

Gilmore Girls (Gilmore Girls is a show that became mine and my sister Greta’s show. She’s on Tumblr (though not as active) so if you see this Greta… thankyou for my undying love with this show :) It’s all your fault ;). GG came at a time in my life where I was really kind of averse to watching any new shows. I had my favorite shows and that was fine with me. But Greta wanted to watch this show with me, and we hadn’t really bonded too much because I was in school and she was working and there was an 8 year age difference between us. So I really credit GG with bringing us closer. We really bonded with our love of this show. Though I think she only watched it with me cause she thought that Jared Padalecki being in it would help me get into Supernatural…. i’m onto you Greta, i’m onto your tricks ;) The year was 2011, the month was October and I was 15 years old (the same age as Rory when the show started) and my life has never been the same (I think i’m being overly dramatic at this point) :)

New Girl (New Girl is a show that my sister Millie got me into in 2016. She just kept showing me clips of it until I gave in and watched it. For anyone looking for a quality comedy to watch, ya’ll should watch this. It’s damn hilarious!!!)

Community (I watched Community for the first time around 2012. I watched episodes here or there when my siblings would have it on. But I didn’t start watching it from beginning to end until about 2015. I regret not watching it all sooner because Community is a genius show, and is grossly underrated. I think it’s the first show that had a big grass roots fan base that saved it from being cancelled year after year. It seemed like every year Community was in danger of being cancelled by NBC, but the fans would go ballistic and kick up a storm during every hiatus. It was really one of the first, if not the first time that fans would picket and riot online and their attempts to bring the show back did not go unnoticed by NBC. The show would go on to have 5 seasons on NBC, and then it had a 6th season on Yahoo. Now every time a show is cancelled people kick up a storm online and make their attempts go viral, but Community was really the first of that. Community fans are freakin tenacious)

Psych (There are 7 people in my family including my parents and everyone of us is fans of Psych. Psych came out in 2006 and was on until 2014. It’s a show that a family where the oldest was born in 1953 and the youngest was born in 1996, can all agree and love the show. My brother Johnny was the first, I remember he used to walk around and sing the theme song thus annoying me constantly. Then my brother made my sister Greta a fan, and then my sister Ingrid became a fan, around that time my sister Millie became a fan. Next Greta watched Psych with my mom and my mom became obsessed to the point where it’s one of her favorite shows ever and Shawn and Gus are two of her favorite TV characters ever. She has watched it all the way through about 7 times. Then my mom and myself watched it together from start to finish, and I became a huge fan. I can safely say that is the only time my mom has ever gotten me into a show. I love her so much, but she is not a big TV viewer, she’s more into books and such. Which makes her love for Psych even more unique and surprising. Then Greta and my mom watched it together again about 2 years ago and my dad joined in and found himself becoming a fan of it. That’s also not including my 2 brother in laws and my sister in law who are all huge fans of it. And my sister in law initially hated it…. until she found herself becoming a huge fan as well. This all speaks to Psych’s amazing power. It’s so funny and an all around amazingly done show.)

Remington Steele (Remington Steele is a show that my mom and dad watched together with a group of friends when it was first airing in the 80s, so I learned about it through them. It’s such a fun show!!!!!!! It has a really fun concept as well. If there is any Psych fans who are reading this post, you should all watch this show. A writer of Remington Steele was also a writer on Psych and RS is referenced on Psych multiple times. Totally worth everyone’s time, it’s my favorite 80s show)

[anotheruserwithnoname]

While I was on my mini-break, I saw that the news over the weekend that Tom Hughes is going to play Christopher Marlowe in the second series of the fantasy series A Discovery of Witches has got a few people asking if this means Victoria is no more.

My opinion? Probably not. Although I have posted myself that seeing Jenna or Tom cast in a new TV series might be a sign that Victoria is done, I was more talking about, for example, Jenna being cast in some American-format, 22-episode series, or some project like a major film that we know would take up an extended period of time. The brilliance of the UK/streaming TV model where (unless it’s something like Coronation Street or Emmerdale) seasons are usually 4, 6, 8 episodes (less if you’re Sherlock) and shows are not beholden to keeping to an every-year schedule (less if you’re Sherlock), means there’s plenty of room for Tom or Jenna to take on other roles (just as Jenna did with The Cry last year).

There is also plenty of precedent: remember how Peter Davison, for nearly all of his time as the Fifth Doctor, required Doctor Who production to take a mid-season break of several months each year in order for him to star in a sitcom called Sink or Swim. Red Dwarf’s 4th through 6th seasons were made at the same time that Chris Barrie was starring in The Brittas Empire, and for Red Dwarf’s first few seasons, Danny John-Jules alternated between RD and Maid Marion and Her Merry Men. Arthur Darvill managed to film his roles in both Broadchurch in the UK and Legends of Tomorrow in Canada at the same time (albeit he had to be written out of Legends temporarily in order to do it).

So for Tom Hughes fans, this is good news. But as far as the future of Victoria goes, though, it doesn’t mean much (if A Discovery of Witches is very popular - I wasn’t aware there was a TV series before now myself - it might even get some extra eyeballs on Victoria 4). ITV and PBS have yet to announce either way (and we know Daisy Goodwin has already written at least some of the Series 4 scripts per her Instagram posts), so until they do, there’s nothing official. I’m just curious to find out if Jenna has anything lined up, as there’s time for her to sign up for another show too or (even better, IMO) do a movie - and this time in a lead role, not a supporting or cameo appearance.

EDIT: Since posting this, I’ve had it pointed out that PBS actually announced its fall schedule last week, with no mention of Victoria. This is not surprising, and it doesn’t mean of course a cancellation. Even if they started filming today they wouldn’t be able to make a January 2020 broadcast on PBS so we’ll probably be looking at January 2021 (though ITV could air earlier or later depending on when filming eventually begins). Stay tuned...

[elysiumwaits]

Working the nursery on Sunday mornings is always interesting. It’s a Presbyterian church, pretty much the most accepting in my hometown - they’ve invited me to service but never guilt me if I decline, I get multiple compliments on my visible tattoos, and every week Sharon, who is 80+, asks me if I’ve found a nice girlfriend yet and if I’d like to meet her granddaughter.

So not a bad environment.

But it’s an interesting look into other people and serves as an excellent reminder that I am not the only human in this world - they’re not actually NPCs.

Rob walks in this week with his two boys - he’s off rotation at the firehouse this weekend, then, which means he’s got custody for the week. His youngest is 7 and will come hang out with me in the nursery, so he doesn’t have to sit through the whole service, just the children’s portion. Rob always looks so much more relaxed on the weekends he gets his boys, rather than when he comes in alone.

Mary-Lou is significantly hard of hearing, so you have to speak loud and look at her when you talk. She doesn’t know it, but at the pot luck next week, the board is going to tell her that donations have come in so she can get that hearing aid she needs. She always stops at my greeting desk and asks after my cat, shows me a shaky picture or two she took of hers.

There’s a vase of red and yellow flowers that get sat on my desk - it’s a giant arrangement, I can barely see the tiny form of Christine behind them. She peeks around them and doesn’t take off her sunglasses. “These are from my husband’s memorial on Friday,” she says. “I’d like to sit them somewhere here but I don’t know where.” I gently direct her up the stairs to Marilyn, the usher in the sling waiting on surgery for her wrist. I very carefully don’t tell her that I’m sorry for her loss - Christine’s had quite enough of that, told me on Friday that she’s been hearing it since he got sick two years ago.

Kathleen comes in with Suzie - Suzie-Q turns one next week but Kathy wants to ask my off-the-record opinion about Suzie hitting milestones late and having some strange, jerky movements. The pediatrician in town says it’s nothing, but the pediatrician in town has awful reviews on every platform online. I give her a phone number for the local public school program for early intervention. “My mom has a friend who runs it,” I say. “Her name is Laura, and she’s very good. She’ll know who you need to call for an assessment.” Suzie will spend the whole service with me, probably glued to my lap and chatting in baby babble. Her conversation is a relief - she didn’t vocalize hardly at all until maybe three weeks ago.

James and Caroline are missing for the third week in a row. James keeps in touch with Marilyn, though, and the doctors say that Caroline should be over this “cold” by then. They put her on the prayer list anyway, with tight smiles and bittersweet hope. They put James on the list too, and start quietly talking about setting aside time for any grief counseling that the pastor, Mary, might need to do.

It’s a revolving door of “Good morning, how are you?” at my desk until service starts around ten and I take Suzie from her mother and the 7 year old comes in to talk my ear off and draw me what will probably be my 4th picture of Venom or 6th of Captain America this week.

The greetings, which are usually so empty, just a gesture of politeness in any other setting, make me smile. Here, they all stop at my desk and ask - “Good morning, how are you?” - and wait for my answer. I used to give simple answers of “I’m fine” or “Doing okay, you?” But I learned that they’re not asking to be polite, they genuinely want to know. They want to hear how my uncle is doing after his stroke, how my grandfather is dealing with it. They want to know if my mother enjoyed the first week of school with her new class. If I’ve found a girlfriend yet, if I’ve quit my job yet, if I had a good week, if my legs hurt today, if there’s anything they can do to brighten my day or help me out.

June’s son came out of the closet on Friday, do I have any resources she could read so that she can learn about how to shed the trappings of a Conservative upbringing and give him the unconditional love that he needs? What about LGBT history? Is there a group in town he can go to so he feels less alone? Would I mind to take him maybe for ice cream this week so he can talk to someone who understands - she’s happy to pay for the ice cream and my gas. Do I know where to get a safe binder for him, is he the only one in town, is it safe for him here, will God love him like she loves him, how can she get used to the name he’s chosen so she can stop hurting him accidentally, what should she do to help her husband accept him, what about his grandparents, where can she buy clothes that fit him but make him feel good?

It’s not everyone here, of course - there are always assholes or self-righteous people who judge, especially among the setting of small-town Christianity in the Bible Belt. But the majority of the people in the service welcome June and her son, welcome me and my tattoos, quietly offer me prayers only if I want them, ask me to learn about my own faith in the old gods rather than theirs.

It’s a good way to spend a Sunday.

[siredtofictionalmen]

Insecurity 1: Being Overweight

Disclaimer: Everyone has gone through different experiences and this is my expierence. This falls into my number one insecurity and I need to let it out.

Warnings: fat shaming

Growing up I was thin, I ate whatever I wanted; chips, soda, junk food, fast food and never gain weight. Until I entered middle school I hit puberty and thats when I began to gain weight. Middle school was when I began to be more weight conscious. It was when I learn what the doctor would measure on the scale. How junk food made you gain weight. Learn how to starve myself and went through emotional suffering for something so insignificant; my weight.

For the years to come, I believe the numbers on a scale determine my worth and that I wasn’t “good enough, beautiful enough” because of the number on the scales, the shape of my body.

I wasn’t obese but I wasn’t model skinny nor was I thin. I was chubby. I had stomach rolls and I could never get rid of them. Wherever I was, I felt utter shame. I dont remeber a day in middle school were I felt confident, not even one. Sadly my family was there everyday to remind that I wasn’t thin, and that if I ever wanted to be I wouldn’t achieve it by eating like that, as my grandma would love to point out.

It all starts one day it was the first month of school. I had gotten my period for the fourth time and I remeber coming back from school. My grandma had gotten us McDonald’s to eat and I remeber there being chicken sandwhiches. The joy on my face when I saw McDonald’s soon would be let down by my grandma who passed me a salad. I frowned confused, I look at her and she told me it was for me. I told her its not what I like and she said I know but it’s healthy you need to change your habits the pounds you are putting on your getting fat. I quietly ate my salad quickly and went to the restroom. My grandma lived in a studio so the only room for privacy was the bathroom. I look at myself, pinch my chubby stomach and cried. Tears flowed down my cheek and I remeber tasting them when they came to lips how they tasted much better than the salad I just ate. Ashamed of my fatness I just sat on the toilet. I was 11 at the time and when my mom came home to pick me up my grandma made some more comments about my weight to my mother. I love my grandma and I know she did it because she cared for me but the way she made me feel that day and the rest of the years to come could have been avoided. I never enjoyed my middle school life because of my “guilt” of being fat.

The middle school I went to was so much worse. It was by a rich area and all the girls there were already wearing crop tops and short shorts. Like COME ON YOUR 12!!! Like how can the parents let them dress like that. Anyway I remeber most of the girls being skinny. I remember envying them and thier looks. I beat myself up everyday because I didn’t have the ideal body, skinny. I felt ugly because of it and I was depressed and because of it I never enjoyed my middle school.

The people who fat shamed me the most was my family. I have mentioned my grandma but lets talk about my mother. I love my mom and I know she loves me but I think some comments could have been avoided. I remeber once I was in 8th grade I was with my mother and she was talking to my aunt and my girl cousin about losing weight and then she said oh yes she needs to lose weight too, look at her hippo legs. She began to laugh, i chuckled looking at my legs so did my aunt and my cousin awkwardly laughed. I remeber that night I went to bed and I couldn’t stop staring at my legs I would squeeze them and the thought about cutting some of my flesh with a knife occured to me. I knew that wouldn’t help and I remeber thinking whats wrong with me. Who have I become. I never felt happy anymore I always wanted to be alone. I never wanted anybody to see me. I was ashamed, embarrassed of my chubbiness. My mom would take me to a restaurant and she would see an omd guy friend. I remeber him saying wow she getting taller. My mom would laugh and say yes she getting bigger and from the sides also. I would smile I hated that so much like she fat shames me enogh I dont need other peoples opinions on my weight. He never commented on it though and he was respectful when it came to me.

I started starving myself after new years. I was in the second semester of the 8th grade. I starved myself for two weeks and you could see change. I was becoming thinner, I was getting closer to what I always wanted to be skinny and beautiful. I remeber my grandma congratulated me but on the third week I couldn’t keep it up I began to eat much more than before and before I knew it I had gained weight and probably more than I was before. My grandma said it was such a shame. I remeber her frowning and nodding her head.

Highschool was so much better. I couldn’t believe it people were nice and it wasn’t like mean girls. Majority of girls at my school were chubby, thicc, overweight. I saw some thin but I felt like I fit in. I began to feel confident, comfortable in my own skin. My best friend was thin and I remeber her complaining because some girl called her skinny. I remebering wishing that’s something I could complain about and instantly I becam insecure again. I shrugged it off the next day. I felt ridiculous.

My best friend could eat whatever she wants and she couldn’t gain weight. I was jealous, envious I wish for her metabolism. I remeber telling her as a compliment that her fingers were long and she must of took it as offensive because the next thing she said was look at yours there fat. I remeber telling her that I meant it as a compliment and that I wish I had skinny fingers like her. She said my fingers were cute that they were tiny and that guys like tiny fingers.

I remeber my friend would call herself flat and I would always tell her shut up she has good body proportions. I told her she may not have big boobs but she has decent ones. I remeber telling her that at least her stomach wasn’t bigger than her boobs. At least she didn’t look deformed like me. She told me I wasn’t deformed and that I had a big ass. I would smile pretending that I was comforted when in fact I felt sick because I also had a big stomach.

My confidence really went up in highschool during freshman year when guys were lining up for me. FOR MEEE!!! I was surprise my mom once told me only fat ugly guys would be attracted to me if I continued at the weight I was. I was fed up and told her so what fat guys arent always ugly and they might actually have manners. Just because someones fat doesn’t mean they are ugly. At least I wouldn’t attract abusive alcoholics. I told her that and then I felt really bad. My dad was an alcoholic and so was her new boyfriend. It didn’t stop her from fat shaming me. I remeber she told me I can’t see move your fat ass legs. I cried that night. I remeber three different guys asked me to homecoming and they were fine as hell. I was surprise they liked me and even if a guy wasn’t that attractive and ask me out I still would have given him a chance being an expert with feeling ugly.

My friend constantly nagged about how no one had asked her to homecoming and how three guys already asked me. She called herself fat a couple of times saying she wasn’t pretty enough because she had been getting fat. I reminded her that she was beautiful and that she wasn’t fat and even if she was she would still be beautiful. She continued to call herself fat. During 6th peiriod she called herself fat a couple of times when let me remind you she was model thinnnnn. Skinny af!! I didn’t say anything because I felt like she could complain. I remeber a guy who sat in front of her and next to me would taalk to us. She went up to him and said I feel fat. He said you aren’t fat and hugged her. After she stop complaining. This just reminds me how most girls define thier worth from guys when we shouldn’t. Guys shouldn’t build our confidence but we should ourselves. I remeber making a vow whether I had guys lining up for me or not I would never let myslef down.

Now I barely finished my tenth grade and Im still overweight. Now that I dont let my mothers comments get to me and feel more confident I have more energy. I started exercising and still struggling with my eating habbits. What I learned and continue learning is that your weight does not define your worth. And fat shaming does not work. I read stuff online about how fat shaming motivates people to lose weight. As someone who has been fat shamed it just makes people hate themselves more and in my case I felt depressed. Depression only gave me less energy and no motivation whatsoever. Fat shaming is not the answer. First accept your body for what it is then if you want to make minor changes go for. Lose weight gain weigh whatever makes you happy but never let yourself down in order to achieve it. Remember weight does not equal worth or beauty. Your beautiful whatever shape you are. This is my experience and it still continues today. Also anyone can feel worthless even skinny ppl. If ur skinny friend cals herself fat remind her that she is not and that fat does not equal beauty. Never respond with look at me Im a cow. Never put yourself down to make someone else feel better and never put someone else down to mane ur self feel better.

[wenevergotusedtoegypt]

January 16

I’m saving these posts in my drafts to post when it’s ok, because I feel like I’m bursting from not being able to talk about it.

I’m 5 weeks pregnant. Started to feel subtle symptoms around January 4th or 5th without totally consciously noticing them, it clicked into my head what might be going on on the 6th but a pregnancy test that day was negative. On the morning of the 10th I got a line so faint I wasn’t sure it was there, and that evening a digital test gave me a negative. The afternoon of the 11th, Erev Shabbos, I got a clear positive.

I cannot deal with this minhag not to tell anyone about pregnancies until months in. I know that even in the secular world it’s recommended not to tell most people until 12 weeks or so due to the risk of miscarriage, but I’ve been told it’s better not to tell even my PARENTS until then - only absolute need-to-knows.

I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, can’t crowdsource to get opinions, can’t ask people questions. At this point the only people who know are my husband, my kallah teacher, my husband’s chosson teacher, and my PCP. My kallah teacher is someone I normally do go to for advice, but on this topic we have totally different shitas. She’s had multiple home births and is very against hospital births. I’m happy for her that her home births have all worked out, but both my mother and my maternal grandmother had preeclampsia with their 1st children and I was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck, so I...don’t particularly feel like putting mine and my baby’s lives at greater risk by not being in a location with medical intervention available (that or I’d have this whole vision of how things were going to go at home and then end up in a hospital feeling totally thrown off balance by the unexpected setting). I KNOW there are causes for concern with hospital births and they terrify me, but also, not dying. 

I asked my kallah teacher if she could ask the people in our social circle who had hospital births how they liked their OBs, and she said that all but one had midwives and the one who had an OB was given a c-section and treated terribly, and we should “farbreng” about this. I don’t want to farbreng! I just want to get information about a decision I’ve already made that I can’t get myself because of this freaking minhag. I agreed to talk to her tonight but I’m going to be so frustrated if it just turns into her trying to talk me into home birth. There are problems with hospital births, but that doesn’t mean going to the opposite extreme is the answer. And “birth isn’t a medical event” or whatever but I factually know I am at higher risk for actual medical events and I have told you that, so just leave me alone.

I just don’t know who else to talk to. Even if I end up telling my mom sooner than we were advised, I feel like her advice would be the opposite extreme almost (other than that she wouldn’t advocate for an elective c-section or anything) and also it’s been over 23 years since she last gave birth and she doesn’t live here.

I feel so overwhelmed and I don’t know how I’m supposed to call around to find a doctor when there’s literally nowhere in my office that has privacy and I’m always here during normal business hours. How do people do this without everyone knowing?? Like, there have been several pregnant women here throughout my time, so people do it, but how???

[lookwhatilost]

i finished my second watch of bojack s6 p1 and here’s a predictably massive post of some thoughts/observations abt it

spoilers under the cut obviously

the “fuck” of the season definitely came in a moment that i didn’t expect, but i rly liked how it was used. like, it was a callback to when gina dropped it in the last season –– something that traumatized her vs a reaction to her PTSD symptoms. a lot of people seem unhappy w it but i think it’s more powerful than people are giving it credit for being

the gatsby reference in e3 rly brought to mind that there are, like, a lot of gatsby tie-ins w this show and i never rly pasted them together mentally bc of the ubiquity of the “rich guy is utterly depressed and alone” trope. like, the imagery related to the pool, the shallow parties, the yellow car, the spacious but empty house, the billboards staring him down as he drives when he’s hallucinating in s5. charlotte/daisy being a weak parallel in that he had feelings for her when they were younger, held onto them for years, only for her to be married when they reconnect, but it’s worth mentioning that the glow stick balloons were green.

someone on reddit pointed out that jameson’s baby in e1 had physical traits associated w fetal alcohol syndrome. like, short, upturned nose, eyes that are far apart, and low ears. it’s hard to say if it’s intentional, but he’s drawn w a lot more detail than a lot of the other babies i’ve seen in the show. if it’s purposeful, like, that’s amazing attention to detail

i liked how the season opened on a planetarium flashback, because honestly, the immediate aftermath of sarah lynn’s death is definitely kind of glossed over in s3 when it initially happens. and though i suppose the added information isn’t terribly surprising (like him lying abt the events that lead up to her overdose and minimizing his own role in it as much as possible), it did make me wonder why i hadn’t thought abt it before

bojack rly does show signs of serious growth in the 6th season and it’s cool to finally see him move forward w/o simultaneously backsliding in other ways. a lot of his good actions in previous seasons were only rly things that benefitted him. and there are a lot of examples of it, but i think the one that stuck out to me the most was w his therapist. when he fell off the wagon, it’d have been rly easy for bojack to look the other direction and walk away like we’ve seen him do before. realistically, he has no real incentive to care for doctor champ’s wellbeing if he’s no longer staying at pastiches, but he checks him into rehab anyway, and when doctor champ throws his insecurities in his face to be hurtful, he immediately identifies it for the petty jab it is instead of letting it fuel his negative thoughts and using it as an excuse to dive into self-destructive behavior. honestly e6 was the emotional high water mark of part 1, even though it wasn’t the kind of gut punch that the dramatic, narrative focused episodes of bojack tend to be

i’m glad that the writers finally /did/ something w todd that made him feel like an actual character instead of jst a device for the comedy part of the show. i used to watch this show w a friend and we always used to say that todd had very little depth given the amount of screen time he occupies and seeing them move away from that was refreshing. his struggle w jorge is very relatable as someone whose parents have always pushed me towards things i didn’t sincerely want based on their expectations and desires for me vs my actual opinions of what success and happiness would look like for myself. but, on the other side of the coin, there’s finally a little bit of confrontation of the fact that todd’s erratic behavior and shenanigans are very taxing things for people who care abt him to deal w. and todd is rly the only character who’s somehow defied the show’s formula in that he never faces accountability for the things he does. like, he’s enabled PB’s impulsivity many times and drove him to bankruptcy, care of PB Livin’, and it’s a detail in the show that’s never truly been acknowledged or talked abt at all. he fucked PC over when he wouldn’t follow through w his sham marriage to courtney, and it was met w a cheesy speech from her abt how he needs to follow his heart and do what he thinks is right. it always struck me as a weird oversight, and to finally see someone take him to task for how taxing his behavior can be was refreshing. his only other “depth” was the asexual stuff and honestly? that is stupid and does not actually count for anything

if it didnt warm your heart when PC named her daughter ruthie then you dnt have one. i wasn’t as invested in her narrative as i’d have liked to be, but its good when PC is happy and that’s what everyone wants

IM SO GLAD JUDAH IS BACK. also i still hope he and PC end up together (and maybe she has a viable pregnancy this time w him a la sex and the city charlotte but that’s a little too cornball sappy for this show). generally rly enjoyed how characters from previous seasons were incorporated this time around. but i dnt want them to bring back vincent adultman jst to spite everyone who’s always saying “bring back vincent adultman”

pickles is still my least favorite character even tho the surprise wedding episode was probably the one i found the funniest. realistically i wanna see things work out for PB but his relationship w her is obviously not the move for him, and she’s also the worst

i like diane and guy together, they have rly good chemistry but i also have a bad feeling abt where things are headed w them. he seems ambivalent abt how principled she is and the scene where his son comes to the party and he makes her leave when he could have jst introduced her as a party guest if it even needed to happen at all... there was jst something off abt it. like you can definitely see the cracks in the foundation already and it’s disappointing

the scene btwn PB and bojack where bojack says to him “but i understand that feeling of needing to bottle up your guilt, not burden other people w it. you think you’re protecting them from your toxicity, you convince yourself that you’re being selfless, but it comes out in other ways and it infects everything” hit close to home bc it reminded me of someone i used to bond over this show w and like... whew

i rly love how the dominoes are being set up w the reporters (even tho their his girl friday shtick got old fast) bc the way things are culminating, the story getting out is liable to expose bojack for everything. if they approach penny and she talks to them abt what happened, she’s liable to tell them that bojack and sarah lynn went to ohio to find her in the time before sarah lynn overdosed, and the pictures that her classmates took of them could establish a time frame. he was in new mexico when he was supposed to be filming secretariat, and that knowledge could lead to them finding out that he’d been digitally replaced in the movie. when this information gets out, it’s very likely that gina will dogpile onto it w the truth abt what happened on the set of philbert, since trying to conceal her ptsd is actively hurting her acting career bc of the reputation she’s developing as a problem actress, and even though she dznt *want* to be “that girl that got choked by bojack horseman”, she won’t have a choice if she can’t get jobs otherwise. i guess there’s always a chance that penny and charlotte won’t talk to them, but now that hollyhock knows about what happened in new mexico, either way his personal life will be hurt by this. i’m not sure what’ll happen to him professionally, since there’s a recurring point the series has been making w famous people never being held fully culpable for their negative actions, and it’s a dicey thing for them to approach w a character that many viewers find sympathetic without ending on some myopic note abt cancel culture (whether intentionally or by popular interpretation) but im excited

i also hate how my obsessive watching and rewatching of this show meant that the intended pete repeat reveal (like, you’re not supposed to recognize him until his identity becomes obvious through the prom night story) was sort of compromised for me bc i recognized his voice and the second he introduced himself, i placed him IMMEDIATELY but it was still such a great scene. it’s the most tense i remember feeling when watching and an all around great cliffhanger

the final line of e7 comes off as some rly grim foreshadowing–– “it looks like you found solace in our show. stay if you’d like. in 30 minutes, we start over”. but it’s such an incredible line in context. my god, i fucking love this show, you guys

[ohenoch]

Hogwarts!BTS

Oke so

This was pretty tricky to decide but here’s what I think

In Gryffindor, there’s Taehyung

In Hufflepuff, there’s Hoseok and Jimin

In Ravenclaw, there’s Jin and Jungkook

In Slytherin, there’s Namjoon and Yoongi

That’s just my opinion don’t kill me pls

So it works out that JK is in 3rd year, Tae and Jimin are in 4th year, Hoseok and Rm are in 5th year, Yoongi is in 6th year and Jin is in 7th

Okay so RM

So quiet and shy but really helpful and kind when he lets his guard down

Everyone thinks he’s this tall intimidating Slytherin who hates everyone but he’s actually very chill and a little scared of mostly everyone

Most people would guess he’s in Ravenclaw if it wasn’t for the tie and robes

He’s in Slytherin because he’s not only smart but ambitious and driven to do what he thinks is best

He’s a half-blood

Excels in every subject except for Potions, he’s too clumsy and can’t measure too well

His Patronus is an Eagle

Met Yoongi at his sorting ceremony and had been close to him ever since

Met Jin when he was in his 2nd year after a group of Gryffindors hexed him, Jin was the one to take him to Madam Pomfrey and get Jimin and Tae to charm the guys who did this to Joon

Met everyone else through Jin a month after

Wants to become a Divination Professor and break Slytherin stereotypes of being bad people who bully people  

Just a good. good guy 

onto Yoongi

Is a stereotypical Slytherin, hard-hearted and viewed as overconfident

Is actually really empathetic and kind but likes to not seem vulnerable

His whole house claim they’ve only seen him smile twice

He loves Defence of the Dark Arts the most because he learns to protect himself and the people he cares about most

He’s a muggle and he’s pretty insecure about it

Has one older sister who’s married to an Auror

Gets teased sometimes for being a muggle in Slytherin

Tries to show that it doesn’t affect him but Joon has heard him crying in his bed more than a few times

Taehyung tries to show Yoongi that blood status doesn’t really matter in this day and age

Wears skinny jeans instead of school trousers because he doesn’t give a fuck

Has a white cat called Dumpling

His Patronus is a leopard

Envies Hoseok and his friendliness

Wants to become an Auror and protect people

next is Jimin

Was so excited to come to Hogwarts and meet new people to befriend

Everyone thinks he’s the sweetest boy in the whole school

But they know better than that

There was this one time where Jimin physically attacked a Ravenclaw for slipping a sickness potion into Taehyungs cup at dinner once

Now everyone knows to tread carefully around him

Will do anything for his friends

His Patronus is an elephant

He’s a pureblood and the youngest in a family of successful Slytherin and Gryffindor wizards/witches who work at the ministry

His whole family were slightly disappointed at him being in Hufflepuff and act slightly different towards him

He and Taehyung are the terrible twins, add that with Jungkook and you have a trio of trouble

Is best at Potions and loves making new and weird stuff

Met Yoongi in his 1st year and wouldn’t leave the moody boy alone

Is a metamorphagus so his hair changes colour

Is the chaser on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team

Hopes to become a wandmaker even if his family don’t approve

Is super quick and nimble

Just a little cutie pie

Hoseok next

A stereotypical Hufflepuff with extra happiness

The brightest, friendliest guy you will ever meet

Loves all his friends

Could never hate anyone even if he tried

Some people find him annoying because of his personality and he gets so sad

He just doesn’t understand why people don’t like him, he’s never done anything bad to them

Loves charms the most, just loves having fun with magic

Has broken his wand too many times to count and is constantly getting it repaired by Jimin

His Patronus is a fox

He got so shocked when he found out because.  Foxes are scary

But they’re also cute and friendly

he’s from a well known pureblood family who are the most down to earth people you’ll ever meet

Has four sisters, three older, two working in the ministry the other who are married with kids and a younger who’s around 5

Met Jimin when he almost pushed him into the black lake on a day out with some kids from his house

Almost cried because of this

He and Jimin have been best buds ever since

He’s only gotten angry publicly one time

He and Yoongi found a bunch of kids hiding Namjoons possessions around the castle and they both just flipped

Namjoon and Yoongi had to rip him off of one of the guys after he called Yoongi a mudblood

Wants to have a muggle job and a job in the wizarding world

Jin

Absolute charmer

Everyone likes him and he’s very kind and thoughtful to everyone

Is an ideal Ravenclaw

Smart and logical

But is actually a good finder

Like when your mum can find your stuff even when you’ve looked in the same spots

Is a mum, an actual mum

Helps Madam Pomfrey out when he has free classes

He doesn’t have a favourite class, but he loves medicine and first aid and all that stuff so if he had to pick it’d be potions

Wants to heal people and help anyone in trouble, because he never had anyone to take care of him

He’s a werewolf, he had no one to help him through it and he hopes that nobody will go through what he would

Hides the fact that he’s a werewolf so nobody goes after him

His Patronus is a giraffe

Is closest with Namjoon but feels very protective over all the boys

He’s a half-blood with no parents, lives with his grandparents who are too frail to look after him but they do their best and he loves them to pieces

Hopes to become a doctor one day and save lives

Onto  Jungkook

Can seem like a cocky little shit

But is actually pretty reserved and shy sometimes

His Patronus is a lion, so it’s kinda controversial

Adopted by a half-blood family but is genetically pure blood

He doesn’t care for his real parents as they gave him up when he was a few weeks old

But now feels as though he has to prove himself and be the best at everything to make up for his parents leaving him

But he loves his family

Has two brothers,and a sister, all older than him

Makes friends pretty easily but is only close with a fair few

His favourite class is Flying/Quidditch or Care of Magical Creatures he can’t choose

Loves animals a lot

Has a pet owl

Loves to explore the castle and find new and hidden places

Loves talking to the ghosts and paintings to find out about them

His Patronus is a rabbit

Plays as a Beater on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team and absolutely loves it

Once broke Tae’s arm by accidentally hitting him instead of the bludger

Tae got his revenge by making him fall off of his broom about 60 feet from the ground

Is close with all the boys and tries to see them as much as possible

But it’s hard when they’re all in different years

Quotes vines to all his half-blood and muggle friends down the hallway and all the purebloods try to figure out what’s happening

“This bitch empty YEET”

“Why are you throwing your cauldron down the hall, you need that”

Can see into the near future, the furthest he could see was two weeks but never got any further than that

Wants to become a Quidditch player and win that sweet sweet money

Taehyung now

He was a little apprehensive about Hogwarts at first and was a little frightened

He didn’t know much about the houses until after a few weeks when his new friend Jimin explained it to him

He doesn’t know if the hat made the right choice putting him in Gryffindor

He’s a muggle with one older brother and his dad

His mother left them when he was a child

His favourite lesson is Herbology, he found out quickly that he had a green thumb

Has plants everywhere and sometimes plants flowers in the school courtyards just to liven the place up

Can be very mischievous and sly

Once made the caretakers hair glittery because he confiscated one of his plants after it tried to bite him

“Don’t you dare touch Henry you foul, ghastly creature”

Will kill you if you hurt his plants

Almost stabbed a kid in the hand with a gardening fork after they pulled out a baby plant

His patronus is a monkey

Is a beater on the Gryffindor team along with Jungkook

These two together are an unstoppable force

Knew he was a Gryffindor when he took a hex for Namjoon without any doubt

Found the secet passgeway to the kitchens and hangs with the elfs and sometimes helps out

Made a pact with Peeves to not hurt any of his friends or him and to hep out against bullies

Values his friends more than anything

Wants to become a Herboligist and travel the world to discover new plants

[anotherdarkiboi]

A Surprise(?) Birthday Party

Happy Early/Late Birthday Host!  I know I’m late, but I just found this lying around and the Host is one of my favs. 

     The Host sits at his desk, surrounded by multiple computer monitors that supplied the only light in the room, dimly illuminating his face. The room is dark and cluttered yet meticulously organized, smelling of old books with the faint metallic scent of blood, due to the overflowing trash bin of crumbled papers and old bandages. The interior decorating is dark, full of crisp monochromatic shades. Color didn't really matter to the Host, knowing that he can't really see it.

    The Host runs his fingers through his hair, pulling it neatly back. He sighs. How long has it been since he ate? A day or so at least. The Host tended to forget to take care of himself when he was in a working mood. He knew Dr. Iplier would scold him for that later. The Host decides to take a break and eat something light, groaning as he pulls himself out of his chair. Standing up on unsteady legs, he tightens the bandage around his eyes as he mentally prepares himself to encounter the other egos, leaving the room.

---------------------

    The Host comes back to his room a short while later. He is surprised that the other egos weren't out and about as they usually were. The chances of not seeing or hearing any of them were slim, especially considering how many of them there actually were. He never really enjoyed having so many noisy people here, so he was happily surprised by their disappearance.

    At least that's what he told himself.

    He would never say it, but he enjoyed the presence of the other egos, even if it was just him listening to them vent. He even considered it more satisfying than just controlling people like fictional characters of his creation- it was harder to get an intelligent conversation that way. Sure, they might not ask much about him, but that didn't really matter. The only person who he considered himself close to was Dr. Iplier, since he was a regular patient, and Darkiplier, since he was used as a valuable informant. He felt appreciated when they would ask for him, even if it was just for a check-up or for some insight. But most of the time, it would just be him, by himself, in his room. The Host liked the quiet, but he didn't like being alone.

    He thinks about using his clairvoyant abilities to find their locations but then decides against it. The other egos don't seem to notice him much anyways, and they probably enjoy their privacy. They might not take kindly to him snooping in on their private life, especially since they aren't close.

    He sinks back down into his chair, letting out a deep exhale. He then notices something on his desk. The Host takes it tentatively, feeling and turning it around in his hands. It is a thick, plastic coated paper, the size of a small poster. The edges were crisp and sharp, smelling strongly of plastic and packaging. He inspects it further, beginning to narrate in a low monotone voice:

    "The camera zooms into the small poster in the Host's hands. In it, there is a Stockphoto picture of a typical looking man, peering through a pair of large black binoculars. Words at the top spell out a message in bright, capital, block letters: 'SEEING IS BELIEVING'. "

    The Host groans, interrupting his narration and sinking lower into his chair. "They do know I'm fucking blind, right?" he mutters. This was probably some practical joke from one of the other egos. He then continues:

    "The poster was dropped off while the Host was not in his room, the deliverer of the poster in question being Dr. Iplier." The Host was surprised. He never thought that the doctor would stoop that low. Clearing his throat, he continues again:

    "Dr. Iplier wanted to check up on the Host as well as give him the poster as a group birthday present from all the egos."  The Host stops. He turns to look at the paper calendar (Markiplier's Tasteful Nudes Calendar) on his wall, lines in red marker crossing off the days. It was February 6th. It was the Host's birthday. It was his birthday, and he completely forgot about it. Heh, that's interesting. He resumes:

    "Dr. Iplier looked around, the camera panning around the Host's dingy room. He was surprised that the Host wasn't there. He thought about how the Host spent too much time here instead of socializing with everyone. In his medical opinion, Dr. Iplier believed that the Host's living style wasn't very healthy.  But then again, the same could be said for him with all his late nights and caffeine addiction. Dr. Iplier placed the poster on the Host's desk for him to find. He noticed the overflowing wastebasket that contained many bloody bandages. He sighed, seeing that they were all used and washed multiple times, the once white fabric now a stained and faded pink. He wondered why the Host didn't just ask him for fresh ones as he walked out the room."

    The Host stops narrating. He feels the fabric he has over his eyes, wiping his fingers across it. It was already soaked through with blood, excess dripping down his cheeks. He made a mental note to see Dr. Iplier for a new bandage later.

    The Host switches gears and continues describing the poster itself. "There is a message written on the back," he says, flipping the poster over. "The handwriting is in a distinctive scrawl of Dr. Iplier in blue pen ink. It reads: 'Dear Host, I hope the poster wasn't too insensitive. Wilford was the one who got it, so you know how that is. Anyways, we just wanted to say that though you can't physically see, your unique insight is important to us, so thank you. Hope you have a happy birthday! From your friends,'  -the message stops there. Below it, there are various names and short messages to the Host, most of them wishing him a happy birthday, the colorful words filling the entire space on the bottom."

    The Host smiles. He rips off a piece of masking tape from the dispenser on his desk. He stands up with the poster in hand in front of the empty wall space near his desk. He turns the poster over to the Stockphoto binocular-man and the "SEEING IS BELIEVING" side, about to tape it to the wall. He pauses. The Host then flips it back over to the side with the birthday messages, taping that onto the wall. He smooths the paper down before stepping back away to make sure of its placement. "Perfect," he whispers. Using his abilities, he begins to locate the egos (especially Dr. Iplier) to thank them. He begins to narrate…

----------------------

    All of the egos were (both figuratively and literally) piled up in various hiding places in Dr. Iplier's office and hospital room. Dr. Iplier sat behind his desk with his head in his hands.

    "Why does everyone have to hide here?"  he grumbled, complaining about the damage and the increasingly large number of people crowded around him. There were loud shouts as well as the occasional screams and crashes, as he expected. He figured that it was better for the mess to be contained in a single space instead of having the whole house look like a disaster zone. Yet why, out of all the rooms, did it have to be his?

    "I would guess that it's because this surprise party was your idea in the first place," replied a low echoey voice. Dr. Iplier turned to glance up at the figure standing beside him. It was Dark with an amused smirk on his face at the doctor's predicament. Dr. Iplier sighed, seeing the truth in Dark's words, looking out onto the sea of toddlers before him.

    Ed Edgar crouched behind a patient bed with Bim Trimmer, making a business deal (Ed wanted to advertise his baby selling business on Bim's show. Bim said yes, of course.). An infinite number of Jims fell out of the top cabinets and closets, scurrying around to find a story worthy of Jim News. The Silver Shepard hid behind a bundle of colorful birthday balloons in an attempt to blend in but failing due to the fact that there were only two balloons there. Bingiplier stood in the middle of the room with his eyes covered by his hands, naïvely believing (upon Googlplier's insistence) that if you can't see the person, then the person can't see you. The King of the Squirrels stood snickering behind the closed door of the office, not realizing that once the door opened he would be hit in the face. Amid all the chaos, no one bothered to warn him.

    Dr. Iplier groaned, slumping over his desk. The Host was probably coming soon. He sighed, slowly standing up while straightening the lapels of his lab coat. He attempted to get everyone's attention, but no one was listening. Dr. Iplier turned to Dark as a silent plea for help. Dark smirked mischievously and cleared his throat, standing up straighter with his hands held loosely behind his back.

    "SILENCE," he barked, his voice booming. Dark's red and blue aura flickered menacingly behind him. All was silent. "Everyone has to hide quietly until the Host comes because if I find you, you be punished by me… personally," he growled. No one moved. "NOW," Dark bellowed, the egos silently scrambling around to hide. Dark smiled, savoring the intimidation and fear they felt.

    Even Dr. Iplier jumped a little at Dark's outbursts, shivering from the intensity of his commands. It didn't help that he stood right next to Dark- the volume itself made it hard for him not to cower in fear. But Dark would never actually punish another one of the egos, right? He didn't feel like asking.

    All of the egos were able to hide in record time, the room becoming silent once again. "Thanks for that," Dr. Iplier whispered to Dark.

    "Anytime," Dark replied, still unable to wipe the content smirk off his face.

    "Aren't you going to hide?" the doctor asked, seeing that Dark was the only besides himself that wasn't hidden from view.

    "Yes, as soon as- wait," Dark said, pausing to look around the room mid-sentence, "where the fuck is Wilford?"

    As if on cue, everyone's favorite li'l shit,  Wilford Warfstache strolled into the room with a tower of boxes precariously held in his hands, kicking the door open with his foot. The door promptly slammed into the King of the Squirrels's face.

    "Where do I put all the presents?" Wilford declared excitedly, a large smile beaming on his face, completely unaware of the King of the Squirrels's presence. Dark gave Wilford a death glare, moving in to help get the presents and to scold Wilford for coming so late. Wilford then saw the King of the Squirrels squished behind the door. He moved out of the way.

    "Oh, sorry about that, my good sir," Wilford exclaimed, chuckling at his own oblivious attitude. The King of the Squirrels walked past him, rubbing his peanut butter covered face and muttering about how he was the king of the squirrels. Dr. Iplier advanced toward him to try to access his injuries. The king waved him away grumpily and walked off.  "But you're dying!" Dr. Iplier called after him as a futile attempt to bring him back.  

    Dark and Wilford finished arranging the presents on an empty patient bed, the packages of various sizes and colors covering the entire surface. Dr. Iplier marveled at the sight of all of the presents. It was nice for everyone to contribute something for the Host, even though he doubted the Host would actually use all of them. But it was the thought that counts, right?

    "Where's the cake?" Wilford asked. Dark smirked, snapping his fingers to reveal a large birthday cake covering Dr. Iplier's desk. It was much larger than most store-bought birthday cakes, the size having to be enough for all the egos to share. The words "Happy Birthday Host" was written in neat cursive and the candles were already lit.

     "Show off," Wilford muttered just loud enough for Dark to hear.

    "Where did you get the cake?" Dr. Iplier interrupted, wondering about its atypical size.

    "I made it," Dark said nonchalantly, then teleporting away. Dr. Iplier decided not to press for questions, plopping back down into his seat. He peered down to see Wilford crouched underneath his desk, giving him a small wave.

    The doctor sighed. Now to wait.

---------------------

    The Host finishes his narration. He pulls himself out of the chair, patting his pants down and straightening the lapels of his trenchcoat. "When will they ever realize that they can't surprise me?" he ponders aloud in a quiet voice. He leaves his room, mentally preparing himself for his "surprise".

    He walks the familiar route to Dr. Iplier's office, not needing to use his abilities to see because he already memorized where to go. The Host stops in front of the door, his hand on the cold metal doorknob.

    "Huh, 'friends,' " he wonders aloud in a whisper. He smiles, opening the door.