#abusive behaviours

[mental-health-advice]

I've started to confront my mother about abusive behaviors and it has unfortunately made things a lot worse for me because it's started to make me realize that she's actually just not a good or kind person. And so I don't know how I could ever even make her understand or change her behavior and treatment of me because you just make somebody care about others. Or, at least, i definitely don't know how to and I need to take care of myself and heal first. Unfortunately, I don't know how i can while still living under her roof and relying on her because I'm too mentally and physically unhealthy to work or even leave the house most days. If you sever ties, I lose her help. If I engage, I get hurt. I'm feeling kind of stuck. I guess I'm looking for help or tips to just get out of the situation as an adult. I can't move in with any family or friends. I am about to start therapy and may be able to get disability benefits but even if i qualify, im not sure it's possible to live independently like that. And whether can take care of myself while living independently is definitely a big question but going and trying is better than living here. Thank you in advance for and help or tips or condolences at all, I think what you guys do here is great. <3

Hey there,

This is a really difficult situation to be in because as you mentioned your damned if you do and damned if you don’t to put it simply.

I think it’s a really positive step that you are starting therapy and I will cross my fingers that you do qualify and get disability benefits (which I am sure you will) and the fact that you have a plan and have been thinking about at least moving out of your home and living independently is a great step as well. In terms of if you will be able to live independently or not, you may have places where you can live in supported accommodation or have if you do live independently then have someone come over daily to help you with daily tasks. So, this is something to definitely look into when you get a chance!

In regards to your Mum, I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you to be living at home with her. It sounds as though you are wanting to try to work things out with your Mum and her abusive ways but that there have been some repercussions in doing so. I think in this instance, like you mentioned it is best to first look after yourself, try to heal and make sure you are in a good place before trying to work things out and confront her. The last thing we want is for you to try to work through all the abuse issues that have arisen in the past with your Mum when you are not going great yourself only to have you regress further backwards if that makes sense?

I am not exactly sure how you might confront your Mum when you are ready to do so but maybe a good starting point may be to write her a letter if you feel comfortable doing so. This may take the pressure off of you a bit and will leave the ball in your Mums hands with how she then responds to you and what you have to say. Writing a letter will also enable you to get out what you need to say but in a nice-ish way that won’t be attacking your Mum as such even though it may feel like you really want to right now.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and that you are able to start therapy sooner rather than later or that at the very least you can apply for disability benefits before starting. If you see your local doctor or GP then they may be able to get the ball rolling!

I’m thinking of you, hope you are doing OK and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

Take care,

Lauren

[kennysinthewoods]

do you think im a good person?

[furiousgoldfish]

the society: you will feel so much better when you forgive your abuser, do it for your own sake

the abuser, on top volume: I'M NOT SORRY, it was entirely your fault, and it didn't even happen, and I'll do it again! I'm doing it again right now! I will end you if you ever even say something!!! I only regret not being worse to you because maybe then you'd LEARN TO BEHAVE!!!!!!

society: forgiveness is going to make this all okay, we don't need to address this behaviour. I know I'm right about this

society: and remember, if you don't forgive them you are just as bad as they are! ;)

[icarusredwings]

Thinking about Wade just... being normal(?) For a day. Doing house hold chores, watching shitty live tv, goes out to walk Puppins, showering with no smart remarks.

Yes, he still hums and taps on stuff, but it's much.. calmer.. now. In the sense that he doesn't want to cause a scene and would rather just be left alone right now.

But then... when he gets out. Surely he's going to be his silly self and say something, right?? Right???? Wrong.

He just... sits there. Boredly looking at those free magazines that you find sometimes at doctors' offices. The ones that are like "Home improvment for your loved one with dementia" or "50 dinner ideas for someone with diabetes"

Logan just blinks after watching him all day and goes "...Are you okay?"

Without a beat, he awnsers pretty monotoned. "I can't be manic all the time. That's just stupid to think." Before realizing he said it outloud. He perks up and starts laughing. "I mean- Yeah I'm great! What about you, Tiger?"

Again Logan just stares, blinking some as he tries to process.

"....How long have you kept up that act..?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, pumpkin!" It was like watching someone trying to impersonate themsleves.

"....Wade.."

"What is it cupcake?"

"...You don't have to do that."

"Do what? Gosh your so silly. My silly little sunflower."

Logan just stares at him for a bit more and quickly he panics, swallowing and starting to say anything he can to make him believe it was a joke but he dosn't believe a single word of it.

"...its not an act.. is it?"

It eventually ends with wade running out of excuses or things to lie about. He sits there, tears starting to run down his face as he thinks of words to say. You can see just how desperate he is to say something but he can't seem to get it out.

"..I....I-i."

"I know."

Wade just looks at him with this big scared eyes as if he was about to accuse him of faking or telling him he liked this wade better or something terrible like asking how to keep him this way but Logan pulls him into a side hug.

"...are you okay?"

His throat tightens, shaking his head. "..no."

"That's okay." Turning to give him an actual hug, Wade cries. Not because he's sad though. But because to Logan, it doesn't matter how high or low he was on the chart, who he was or how he acted. He loves him. He understands that acting like a crazy childish phycopath isn't a mask but rather who he was sometimes. And sometimes he prefered to silently lay his head on his shoulder.

Eventually Logan asks him if he has a personality disorder and Wade just shrugs. "Probably.... is that an issue..?"

"No.... do you want diagnosed?"

Wade pauses, remembers the last time he asked for medical help and shakes his head. "Nah... I'm good.. besides. I've come to like him."

"How long has he been in there?" Logan playfully knocks on his head and wade giggles a bit. A genuine true laugh. "I don't know. Probably forever.... are you sure it's not a problem?" He bites his tounge, waiting for the "because I like him better" but it never came.

"Why would that be a problem? Sure, you're a pain the ass but you're my pain in the ass." He says, mindlessly sitting for a second before quickly saying "DON'T-"

As wade is on the brink of explosion from laughter and some smirky comments.

[stemms]

After rewatching season three of TOH, I’ve noticed an interesting detail. So, as we all know, Hunter has a hair strand reminiscent of Caleb’s that he cuts off at the beginning of ‘Thanks to Them’ to stop being reminded of his abuser and heal properly. Yet, the very moment he’s possessed by Belos, the hair strand grows back.

Although it’s a subtle detail, it encapsulates Belos and Hunter's relationship perfectly: Belos is in complete control of Hunter’s actions, appearance, and future, while Hunter is a vessel to be moulded at the former’s whim. Additionally, it may symbolise Hunter’s struggle to leave his traumatic memories behind and heal. Given that he’s lived his entire life in Belos’ company, his trauma and conditioning simply cannot vanish the moment he gains physical freedom from his abuser. Healing takes a long time, and his abuser’s return isn’t helping at all.

If we compare Hunter’s hair strand from season two and ‘Thanks to Them’, we’ll notice that they’re not identical.

As you can see, it descends into the middle of Hunter’s forehead instead of being positioned to the side like it used to. Guess who else has a hair strand in this exact area. Belos.

The bastard grew it out the very moment he gained control over Hunter’s body, just to mark his ownership over the boy and flaunt it to his friends. Also, remember how Hunter cut his hair short in the intro because his hair length reminded him of his traumatic past? Belos also grew out the rest of the boy’s hair (maybe not as long, but still), possibly to let him know that he’ll never be free, and most importantly, himself.

After breaking free from Belos’ control, Hunter’s hair strand returns to its original side position, which symbolises that he accepted his grimwalker roots, but made sure to remember that he’s his own person, not the tool or property Belos reduced him to. Considering how much happier Timeskip Hunter looks, it’s quite possible that he eventually started associating that part of his hair with something much more positive, rather than with pain and shame.

[jayktoralldaylong]

Seeing Lestat again in Season 2 really reminded me how much Armand broke him. No one has been able to make Lestat cry the way Armand makes Lestat cry. And that's saying something cause his abusive parents and Magnus came before Armand, but no one has matched Armand's level of crazy.

And I think it's because the other tortures were...brief?

He ran away from home, the abuse from his parents stopped. Magnus died and that stopped too. Armand, meanwhile, has decided to dedicate the rest of his immortal existence to torturing Lestat. It has become his favourite pass time.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

Even the scorned women are learning work from Armand. 💀

Everything about Armand just messes with a person's mind.I t's the way he's not even chasing Lestat around for me. 😭😭😭

He really like "I'm old enough to be your biggest problem by staying in the same spot for 5 centuries." And he was right. 💀😭

I hear the next season is gonna be The Vampire Lestat and oooooh boy. 💀💀 People are about to discover just how terrible Armand can be. Baby's name gonna be dragged in the mud when the secrets get out. Gonna see if he can gaslight his way out of this one.

(Who am I kidding? Bro was torturing Louis and Daniel AND still had us feeling sorry for him. He can gaslight his way out of anything.)

[bookshelfdreams]

Saw a Take earlier today like "Ed stans have only 1 argument and it's accusing everyone who likes Izzy of being problematic" or something to that effect

and it made me think "Nah babe, you're not problematic. You're just wrong."

And then I thought. Huh. Why do I think that?

It's a perfectly respectable thing to read a text in a way it wasn't intended to be read. In fact, "reading against the grain", doing critical readings, shifting perspectives when engaging with a text - all of thee are important skills! You can, and should, do feminist, antiracist, postcolonial, queer, etc readings of texts that were never intended to be read that way. Hell, all fandom (often) is, is doing queer readings! Ask the text uncomfortable questions it doesn't want to answer!

However. It's pretty difficult to do a queer reading when the text already is a queer narrative. The questions you would ask the text if you did a queer reading, or a reading focused on gender roles, or similar things - those are questions the text is already actively exploring.

If you want to do a subversive reading of a text that is already quite subversive - what do you end up with?

"What's the story like from Izzy's perspective?" is a question ofmd deliberately doesn't focus too much on because Izzy's perspective is the default and ofmd wants to challenge that. There's a reason the angry white man is the antagonist in this show, and if you ask "Okay, but could he be right though?" you're missing the point.

Or rather, you're turning everything that's interesting about ofmd back around. You're asking "Okay, but why don't we focus on a white perspective that strictly adheres to oppressive power structures?" of a narrative who already asked itself this question and gave the answer "Because that's been done enough and there are other stories worth telling."

And I think people are aware of that, which is how we end up with completely bizarre takes like "Izzy has the only queer character arc". He hasn't, but he has the only arc that a queer reading can be done on - for everyone else it's text, plain and simple. Refusing to engage with that text in favour of centering Izzy is basically doing a heteronormative reading without being willing to admit it to yourself.

And no, interpreting Izzy as a queer man doesn't change that.

[tuttle-did-it]

Well. This explains a fuck of a lot, doesn't it?

A few highlights from the Rolling Stone link above:

"The sources and the HR complaint paint Blackman as a manipulative and chaotic showrunner who fostered a toxic workplace by pitting staffers against one another; creating an environment of fear and distrust; taking credit for other people’s work; and allegedly making lewd remarks that sources say they found to be sexist, homophobic, and transphobic. (Blackman’s behavior was also mentioned in two other complaints made by a writing-team member and an actress, Rolling Stone has learned.)"

“From the get-go, it was one of the worst jobs I’ve ever had in my life,” says a Season One source.

In text messages provided to HR, he wrote, “Elliot wants to come out as trans on the show. As Ivan. Oh my fucking God. Kill me now.” (Ivan is the formal name of Page’s character’s original name; the show ended up using the name Viktor instead.)

Throughout the show’s four seasons, sources claim to Rolling Stone, Blackman would make what they viewed as homophobic and transphobic comments, including juvenile and perverse commentary on individuals’ sexualities and wondering aloud about people’s anatomies. “He found it very funny, like the butt of a joke,” one says. Again, sources claim, Blackman was clever in the art of the spin, attempting to pass off inappropriate comments as harmless jokes and innocent questions.

“He could be very good at dropping something that starts to be transphobic or homophobic, like, ‘They’re a he/she,’” a second staffer says. “But then [he’ll say], ‘It’s all good, I support it. It’s awesome, live your best life.’ … He toes the line of seeing who will join in and laugh with him, and then if nobody does, really skillfully backpedals.”

Blackman would also make sexist, lewd, and disparaging comments, such as remarks about female staffers’ breast sizes and wondering aloud about their sexual proclivities, sources and the HR complaint claim.“She’s relentless,” Blackman allegedly texted one staffer about another, according to texts that were provided to HR in the complaint and reviewed by Rolling Stone. “I’m sure that’s good for certain things… but in the room it’s exhausting. But … the rack.” 

[foundfamilywhump]

see like the thing with 'carewhumpers' as a concept to me is it just like... i know this is prrrrobably not really how it's meant but something skeeves me out about the idea that kindness or caretaking mixed in with hurting someone can somehow meaningfully complicate or dilute the harm done to the point of making that character no longer a 'whumper' whereas someone doing the same 'bad' things but not ever being gentle or caring for them would just be a straight-out whumper. when like... that's how 90% of irl abuse dynamics work? so i just... don't really get the point, i guess. like to me it implies something about the 'care' provided somehow mitigating or combating the harm done that. i just do not personally appreciate or enjoy.

[alicentflorent]

Comparing Alicent and Helaena’s reactions during the funeral scene is really interesting because it shows us two different trauma responses. Alicent has been taught her entire life to sit there, look pretty and do her duty. We see her look deeply uncomfortable at first but she “stays calm” because in reality she’s dissociating, she’s keeping on the mask that she’s used to protect herself. We know she experiences dissociation when in a traumatic situation because we see it clearly in the marital rape scene and when she’s trying to look after two babies she had when she was still a child herself.

Helaenas trauma response is more clear, while she also experiences dissociation during this scene (we also see her dissociate during b&c and the scene right after in Alicents room) but as the crowds gather and they start to throw confetti helaena is triggered out of her dissociated state and becomes overstimulated and anxious and starts to become visibly distressed but she can’t remove herself from the situation and Alicent attempts to calm her are futile because helaena, being written as neurodivergent, CAN’T just push her anxieties down and put on a mask. It’s gone beyond being able to mask her symptoms. Her discomfort is clear, she’s becoming more overwhelmed and all she can do is sit there visibly distressed. Alicent has been dissociating for so many years and masking her own discomfort that she doesn’t even realise that not everyone can go into that state and not visibly react to trauma they are going through.

[kennysinthewoods]

on my knees for you..

which way do you prefer 🥺

[furiousgoldfish]

abusers when you're in a ton of pain, depressed, anxious, suicidal, but still obeying them and under their control: Nothing is wrong with you

abusers when you're showing a hint of resistance and finding joy in something that puts you away from their control: You're going to go BAD, who did this to you, who changed you? You are Wrong and Stupid and you will WALK INTO YOUR DEATH, you need to be Stopped Immediately, you need to get Help and be return to normal, you are Delusional and Mad!!

[hyperfixatedoncrimminalminds]

Maybe the teen (about 15 ish) daughter of an unsub who spencer is questioning about her unsub dad and there's clearly more that her dad is doing to her that she won't tell him about and maybe she gets a little clingy to spencer?

Spencer Reid x Teen Reader

Request: Maybe the teen (about 15 ish) daughter of an unsub who spencer is questioning about her unsub dad and there's clearly more that her dad is doing to her that she won't tell him about and maybe she gets a little clingy to spencer?

Third person pov...

Y/N walked into the police station, she had been called by thr sheriff to come in, they had some questions for her. They had been calling about her Dad all week.

Which of course made that his reason to beat her, accusing her of rating him out to the police, she promised him she never said anything of course he never listened.

Y/Ns father is the serial killer the police have been looking for, hes been kidnapping and murdering young girls who he finds annoying in some way for the past 6 months, a new one goes missing every week.

Y/N of course has witnessed every kill and kidnapping, the man was ruthless if he wasn't killing and making the girl watch, then he was abusing his daughter.

Still recovering from the beating she got jsut before she left the house the teen pulls at her clothes making sure her neck and wrists are covered.

Limping slightly she tells the receptionist who she is and they tell her the sheriff if waiting for her, giving the officer a smile she walks through the busy bullpen until she get to the sheriffs office.

Knocking on the door she walks in. "Hey there Y/N, glad you could come down" Says Sheriff Briest, he stands up and walks towards the teen, noticing how she steps back automatically.

The sheriff of course noticed, he had been called to the L/N residence alot over the years since Y/Ns Mum died, reports of crying and shouting coming from inside the house.

When questioned Mr L/N would tell them everything was okay and that Y/N was acting up, these lies continued all her life making the young girl seem like a troubled teenager who was rude and never listened to anyone.

Though the sheriff knew something was wrong he saw the signs and so did his officers but knowone was able to do anything about it as Y/N never told anyone not even when she was a kid.

Threat of death proved to be useful, Her Father would remind her what would happen should she tell anyone. "There's some people I want you to answer some questions for okay" Says the Sheriff.

Y/N freezes sightly as they walk into one of the briefing room that was usually unoccupied, but was now being used by a group of people. 'FBI' thought the girl instantly.

"Agent Hotchner, Y/N is here. Y/N these are the Behavioural Analysis Unit. They are here to help us find the killer" explained Sheriff Briest, Y/N doesn't look up at the people.

If she looked anyone in the eye she'd get beat again by her Father. She learnt that the hard way when she looked up at someone who was speaking to her Dad when she was 6. Since then she avoids eye contact.

"Hi" Says the teen looking at the shoes of the agents. "Hello Y/N, I'm Agent Hotchner these are Agents Jareau, Gideon, Morgan , Greenaway and Dr Reid" says polished black shoes.

"Nice to meet you" mutters Y/N, soon she is sitting in an interrogation room with Dr Reid. Nervously tapping her finger on the table she waits for the young Dr to walk in and ask her questions.

Minutes later the man walks in and sits down on the chair infront of her. After a few seconds of silence he speaks. "Hello Y/N, my names Spencer I work with the BAU, I'm going to ask you some questions okay?" He tells the girl.

Y/N nods her head. "Yes sir" she mutters wanting to go home and not be there. "Now can you tell me about your Father" Says the man, Y/N freezes her tapping increasing as she shakes slightly.

Trying desperately to stop shaking she answers the question. "I love my Dad, he doesn't do anything wrong he loves me" she says, her voice robotic as if it had been planted into her head as an automatic answer to that specific question.

Spencer takes notes of her behaviour, eyeing the two way glass he askes another question. "I'm sure he does, now, does your father leave for long periods of time, not telling you where he's going or why?"

Y/N hesitates before shaking her head. "He doesn't, Dad is always as home after work, dad loves me he doesn't do anything wrong" Spencer notes how the last part it connected to the answer from before.

"Okay, Y/N. Does your Dad hurt you?" Spencer knows asking that question would have a strong reaction but he didn’t expect the girl to slam her hand on the table and stand up and start pacing.

"No he doesn't hurt me! Dad loves me he doesn't hurt me" she yells almost crying, tears in her eyes but not falling yet, Spencer gasps at the raw emotion in the 15 year old eyes.

Desperation seeped into her voice, as she stared into the man's eyes, he noticed this was the first time he had seen her eyes. Suddenly the girl gasped and slammed her back into the wall.

Gripping her head she bring smacking her back against the wall. "Nonononono can't do that against the rules can't do that" she mumbles falling into hysterics, Spencer is soon joined by Derek and Elle.

The two had ran in when Y/N started repeating to herself. The three stand in shock not knowing what to do to help, Spencer is quick to notice the bruises on her neck and wrists. "Morgan" he whispers, the man nods his head he's seen the bruises on the girl.

Pulling out his phone, him and Elle leave Spencer alone with Y/N, the girl is still smacking her back on tjr wall as if she was punishing herself, the man slowly inches towards the grill.

"Y/N, Y/N its me Spencer remember" he whispers to the girl, holding out his hands non threateningly he speaks to the teenager desperate to calm her dow from her panic attack.

"Nonono broke the rules" muttered the girl. "Y/N you haven't broken any rules, your Father can't get you here okay, your safe your safe with me" he tells the girl, slowly Y/N pulls her hands awa from her hair and stopping smacking her back against the wall.

Smiling at the teen Spencer stays back. "I'm safe here" she whispers horsely, Spencer nods his head. "Yes that's right your safe here, I won't let anyone hurt you" he says.

Y/N slowly begins to inch closer to the man eagerly seeking comfort, soon the girl was throwing herself at him, Spencer hugs her tightly whispering that she was okay and he wouldn't hurt her.

An hour later the Team and swat had arrested Y/Ns Father for the abuse she suffered and 15 accounts of murder.

Over the next few days adter they had caught the killer, Y/N had grown close to Spencer, she wouldn't let him out of her sight scared her father would come and hurt her, Spencer stayed with the teen while she recovered in hospital from the abuse she suffered from her father.

The end!

Hope you liked this oneshot sorry for the wait, as usual sorry for any grammar and Spelling mistakes.

Request are open!

Word count: 1277

[skywalkr-nberrie]

I feel like most people’s problem with Anidala lies in the misconception of the sort of “possessive” Anakin is and becomes when he’s with Padmé. Most people are thinking standard abusive boyfriend/husband who won’t let his girl/wife live her damn life. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth of what Anakin is.

An abusive husband will dictate what his wife does and restrict her from doing things she wants, make her whole personality and obligations all about him and rob her of a life of her own. As we can very clearly see, Anakin doesn’t do any of the above. He respects Padmé’s decisions, even abides to her choices and wishes sometimes, and he respects her duty as a Senator and feels proud for it as well.

And he actually helps out with her Senatorial duties as well whenever he can.

Anakin doesn’t want to stop Padmé from living her life, or doing the things she desires, he clearly cares for her opinions and considers what she wants even before they got together. I.E in AOTC, where he argues the Council against taking Padmé back to Naboo because she’d want to stay for the vote.

The ‘possessiveness’ that Anakin harbours within himself when it comes to Padmé, stems from his fear of losing her to the unknown dangers of the galaxy. He had already lost his mother, and this heightened his fear of losing his wife. He knows Padmé is a heavy target due to her status and position as a revered politician and former queen of Naboo. He fears so much that he wants to keep his eyes on her at all times, he wants to stay by her side 24/7 and keep her safe, but he knows he can’t do that with his position as a Jedi, due to A) having to be on the front lines cause of the war and B) having to keep his relationship with Padmé a secret. This also just adds to Anakin’s fear of not being able to protect or save Padmé because he’s not there with her at times.

Anakin doesn’t want to control Padmé or her life. He knows she’s passionate about certain things and he’s always there to support her for it. However, it doesn’t stop him from worrying over her and trying to change her mind when she dives headfirst into danger. And he knows how she’s just as impulsive because he’s also the same way. Thus, is where that “obsessive possessiveness” really stems from. It’s not that Anakin is a first class A-hole who doesn’t want Padmé to exist outside her relationship with him, it’s that he wants to control every bad thing that could possibly happen to her and rebuttal it, cause he can’t live without her, and he’d die if he ever lost her.

End of story. - 🌹

[intothedysphoria]

Going from a social outcast to seemingly universally desired was a change that Billy found himself sorely lacking the capacity to deal with.

It felt like barely a year ago he was just the fat kid with the asshole dad. The kid who was more comfortable speaking Irish than English. The weird kid who couldn’t sit still in class and had “outbursts” that would leave a classroom completely overturned.

Now he’d lost weight (not by choice), had to speak English if he didn’t want to be uprooted for a third time and was supposedly taking his adderall post ADHD diagnosis. Neil was still an asshole but that would never change.

He was desirable now. A hot commodity. Had the approval of everyone apart from his own fucking dad.

In short, Billy was absolutely miserable.

He missed California a lot. He missed Belfast even more. He missed being fat. He missed his mam and grandad. He missed everything.

Showing any signs of weakness was how it started though. So Billy did what he always did. He adapted.

Harrington was weird. Taking the crown from him was almost too easy. For all the talk he’d been fed about King Steve, what Billy got was a teenager who couldn’t make eye contact, spent an hour reading two pages of a textbook and walked like a penguin when nobody was watching.

Good thing Billy didn’t mind weird.

The usual taunts didn’t really work. All it really achieved was getting Harrington flat on his back on the gym floor and that got Billy thinking about sex which wasn’t helpful.

Harrington just stared up at him with these big startled eyes. Like a damn deer. The pointed star he wore around his neck swayed as Billy let him up. Jewish maybe. Billy felt his hand unconsciously drift down towards his own pendant, the one his granny had given him.

The one that would help him find his way back home.

They fought within a week. Arsehole had Max holed up in a strangers house. It made Billy’s skin crawl just thinking about it. Especially after having to flirt with Karen Wheeler just to get any answers, All he could remember was that he was winning then the world started going black.

When he woke up there was a dead something in the fridge. He probably hadn’t woken up at all then. His body took that hint as a sign to collapse again.

He woke up again. A small woman with mousy brown hair and a nervous tic was cooking. Billy could hear The Clash drifting from another room. Christmas lights were scattered across the wall. It was the first place in Hawkins that had actually felt like home.

The woman’s name was Joyce. The house he’d found Harrington and Max and the nightmare in had been her house. She was dressed practically and smelled like paint and reminded him so much of his own mam that his heart hurt.

She was a good cook. The soup wasn’t like anything he’d ate before, probably Polish but it was fantastic. She asked if he wanted to stay the night. He said no.

Neil would be waiting. He always was.

Neil had burned the damn book. The one Billy had wrote when he was seven, colouring all the words in orange and white and green. It hurt more than any punch every could have.

He was under house arrest again. Only let out when Max needed a fucking taxi to a Christmas dance. Harrington was a couple of cars away, fussing over a boy of about thirteen who could have been his younger brother.

They weren’t biologically brothers. But Henderson was his cousin. So they were in spirit. Those were some of the things Billy learned from a few strained sentences of conversation.

He apologised in a way so Billy reluctantly returned one. Apparently he hadn’t realised how fucking dodgy he’d looked with Max.

Billy was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Neil kicked him out of the house on Christmas Day for hanging an Irish flag on his door. Billy went to the Byers. Joyce’s family didn’t exactly celebrate Christmas but she still gave him a present.

She gave him gorgeous Polish cakes which were fucking delicious and some of Jonathan’s old vinyls which he didn’t listen to anymore.

That day Billy discovered The Specials and tucked the vinyl under his weed stash in the Camaro boot. Somewhere Neil would never think to look.

Harrington was tolerable after Christmas break. Tolerable in an infuriating way because Billy still wanted to fuck him. The queerness wasn’t something he’d told anyone about though apart from Patrick McKinney so he kept those thoughts to himself.

He spent more time at the Byers, learned what Shabbat was, came out to Joyce in a flood of tears, kissed Harrington, wrote a letter back to Ireland for the first time in two years and made a plan to get the hell out of Hawkins Indiana.

Harrington managed to pass high school with a lot of bribery and tutoring and kissing at his place. Jesus but Harringtons house was a bloody mansion. Billy had spent his first eight years in a terraced shared accommodation where his entire extended family had lived. Harrington had five bathrooms and his own television. Not even in black and white.

Billy got his predicted mix of A’s and B’s so he was happy and spent most of the weekend post graduation floating on his back in the Harrington pool, beer in hand. He couldn’t afford to slack off completely though. So he got a summer job.

Working at the community pool was fine. As long as Billy didn’t think about the middle aged women staring at him like a piece of meat. Fucking perverts. Heather was fun though. Funny. The only lesbian he’d met in Hawkins apart from Buckley.

Neil had started acting even weirder than usual after a night Billy had slept over at his boyfriends. He’d taken to ice baths and Billy swore he’d seen the man drinking bleach. Ugh.

Max was pretty obviously freaked out though so Billy slowly phased her into spending most nights at the Byers or the Sinclairs or Steve’s. Susan wouldn’t budge. Something in Billy’s chest felt a bit sick about that.

The Fourth of July they were in the mall, the one Steve worked at. Something even more hellish than the thing in the fridge stood above them. And Neil just stood by with blank, hateful eyes and let it happen.

He died. Billy killed him. Stabbed him in the chest then the monster went away.

Steve was gripping his shoulders as he stood there, Neil’s blood on his jacket and he cried.

Susan left.

Social services took Max. Billy cried a lot that day. She was living with some family in Michigan. They promised to keep in touch.

Billy went to therapy twice a week. A guy from County Mayo who Billy trusted immediately.

There was no point really in Joyce adopting him as he was over eighteen. Besides she didn’t need to. Billy knew who his family were.

A letter came back from Belfast. Inviting both him and Steve back to his grandparents house. Steve had never left the US, had never really left the Midwest actually. Billy wanted to show him everything.

The years went by and Billy regained weight. He stopped speaking English as much and was determined to teach Steve Irish. He still sometimes forgot to take his adderall and had awful nightmares but Steve was there to make it better.

He was alive. And life was pretty ok.

[stemms]

The wildest thing about c!Dream’s “…and you.” is that this freak of a man must’ve interpreted this borderline Fucked Up™ and possessive phrase as a tragic and sweet “You’ve hurt me, but I still think about you” moment in the what-could’ve-happened sense.

What makes it even worse is that this idea may’ve stemmed from the way c!Tommy was always willing to forgive everyone around him, no matter how badly they hurt him, starting with c!Wilbur, and ending with c!Dream. So, following this logic, c!Tommy’s kind nature inspired that unhealthy thought pattern, and indirectly heightened the man’s obsession with him.

c!Dream was always known for twisting every little positive thing in c!Tommy’s life into something horrific, after all…

And every time he succeeded, the blond’s distress could be compared to the tastiest meal he’d ever had.

He could never get enough of it, and only keep on craving more…

More, more, and more…

If it wasn’t for Doomsday, c!Tommy and c!Dream could’ve become friends after exile, despite it being one of the most stressful events in the teen’s life.

His heart was simply too big for this server, and the Admin wished to devour it.

But unfortunately for c!Dream, he overestimated and took c!Tommy’s kindness for granted, losing the access to it forever after pushing him too far.

Still, it was true that they both couldn’t stop thinking about each other, despite hurting each other; almost as if they were tied by fate, and meant to always stay together.

If c!Tommy truly hated c!Dream’s guts, why would he keep on remembering him and the fun time they had together?

Sometimes, these thoughts would cause the teen to cry for hours, making him too perplexed to understand whether he’d like to be far away from his friend captor, or enveloped in his soothing bruising hug.

After all, if it’s not proof that he belongs to c!Dream, then what is? :) :) :)